#I just find it funny. They're WORSE than I am definitely but there's a reason why I think about them so much.

[dootznbootz]

I say I relate to Odysseus and Penelope but oof... 😅

Friend: [shitty thing happened in which someone keeps bothering them] Me: Do you want me to make them knock it off? Friend: No. Haha I don't think I'd want to see the situation escalate. Me: You don't have to be there. 👀

[onesidedradiostatic]

What's your opinion on valastor (val x alastor)?

I'm assuming you're not a regular over here but uh I don't like any reciprocated romantic alastor ships, and the only alastor qpr I like is radiorose

I AM interested as to what their general relationship would be like though, cause so far alastor has NOPED out of any episode val strongly features in (episodes 4 and 6) and has obviously interacted with vox and been in the same room as velvette, making val interestingly the only vee alastor has not been seen in the same room with.

I think it's also very interesting that they're essentially connected by 2 factors

vox

huskerdust

which are 2 potentials of forcing an interaction between them

also I think val would maybe generally acknowledge alastor as being sexy but be uninterested otherwise (that is vox's thing).

also it's kinda a gag here that val is an alastor repellent because alastor has fourth-wall-breaking sex repulsion.

but aside from that joke, I don't think val is the kind of person alastor would like (although he did use to associate with vox it's kinda ???? on the info we have regarding that, whether vox became worse over time or if vox was like "that one oomf who low-key breaks your dni but you keep him around cause he's chill" until he wasn't), only info we really have regarding alastor's perspective on him is his general view of the vees "nobody important" "he'd (vox would) be powerless without the other vees" which doesn't really tell us much of anything.

we do have a bit more with val's side but he generally doesn't seem that interested but presumably might've been partially involved in the time alastor "almost beat" vox, "he owes us much more than money", I know there's a theory the reason his and vox's left antennae are fucked up is because of that. and val is actually seen smiling at alastor's downfall in episode 8 (he only loses the smile after vox does his weird shit LMAO but if you look at the beginning of each scene you can see he's smiling at the screen like he's enjoying alastor's suffering too. just not to the insane extent of vox) and he celebrates alastor fleeing, together with vox. so there's?? something there that shows they're enemies obviously but he doesn't have that same personal connection vox does

oh yeah I also find it incredibly funny there may have been a time pre-radiostatic-fallout that overlapped with post-voxval-meeting, so there could've been a time vox tried to introduce val to alastor. and (I brought up this exact thing in a previous post but I'm too lazy to find it) I think the moment anything sexual came out of val's mouth alastor would've immediately wanted to stay far away from him (thus starting val being an alastor repellent)

valastor is definitely vox's worst nightmare though. luckily for him it would never happen.

[sharpth1ng]

I don't know if you remember but I'm the trans guy who asked if there'll be a cis version for the sequel cause he couldn't read the trans version due to some heavy body dysmorphia going on.

Soooo update I finally am able to read the trans version... You probably don't remember but the way you responded helped me a lot to come to terms with the way my body looks right now and that I can still be a man, even like this.

(Tbh for the longest time I thought I was a transphobic woman bc trans characters who hadn't transitioned gave me panic attacks and it's kinda funny in retrospect lol I was just dumb)

And I dunno I just needed you to know that you wrote that beautifully and I'm so relived and happy to be kinda content right now. I haven't felt this good about me... Ever?

And I just read the christmas scene and Stu saw Billy naked for the first time and... And he just wants and loves Billy exactly the way he is and that was so... Healing. (honestly am totally in love with your Stu anyway but this really sealed the deal).

Long story short I have been crying for 30 minutes now. Honestly tears of joy and relief. Thank you!

(I hope you don't mind me telling you this)

Hey dude I definitely remember you! Your ask was important to me, honestly, transmascs like you are some of the people this fic is for. To be clear its for everyone, but the whole reason I wrote two versions was because of my own fluctuating relationship with dysphoria. I understand why you weren't feeling ok to read the trans version, and I'm glad it ended up being a healing experience for you, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear that.

And just as a side note I don't think it dumb you were afraid you were just a transphobic woman. I think it's really easy to internalize transphobia especially when you're still processing your identity. Transphobia is everywhere and it's unquestioned, and in a lot of cases it's more accessible than trans rhetoric that's positive and affirming. I would argue that transphobia has a major presence in a lot of trans communities too honestly, that's what trans-medicalism is.

The reality is our bodies aren't worse than cis bodies, they aren't less attractive. They're just different, but the world acts like it's a fucking tragedy to have to cut your tits off and take hormones, and that's bullshit. I'm a much more attractive trans dude than I was a cis woman. Do I still have a complicated relationship with parts of my body? Yes. Do I still have dysphoria? Yes. But so do cis people.

I wrote the trans version specifically because I wasn't seeing a lot of transmasc representation (in fic or other media) that felt true and affirming to me- not that the other stuff can't be affirming to other transmascs, just I wasn't finding stuff that felt like a positive version of my own experience.

I think theres a tendency to focus on body, dysphoria, and insecurity in trans fiction in a way that isn't untrue, but also which doesn't give me the ability to engage in fun smut the same way I feel cis people get to. Cis people can be insecure about their bodies in lots of ways, I'd argue cis people also experience gender dysphoria (think cis women with small chests, cis men who have breasts or smaller penises, ect.), but it's not nearly as common for sexual depictions of them in fiction to focus on those insecurities, and on navigating the way other people react to their bodies ahead of the actual smut.

The other place I see this happening is with sexual depictions of fat people and disabled people. Our bodies and minds are positioned as barriers in sexual situations, and while realistically we may have things to navigate that cis, thin or able bodied people don't, that doesn't mean those barriers need to be centered in erotica that involves us. Cis, thin, able bodied people have insecurities and sexual hang-ups too, so why do they get to be written as having fun, positive sex without centering those things when we don't? To me it positions transness, fatness, and disability as inherently being a barrier to positive sexuality and I just think that's unrealistic.

I'm rambling but all that is to say, this has been healing to me too. We deserve depictions of ourselves that acknowledge the differences and barriers we do have (like, Billy is still scared about coming out, it's hard for him to do, thats a barrier) without making them the whole experience.

I'm really glad you're feeling better about things, and i'm really, really fucking touched that my writing could be a part of that ���

[9leaguesofmirrors]

Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe Things

AKA: Gainsgoe headcanons that have me in a chokehold

When they realise they like the other person, them being less disturbed by the fact they're into guys and more disgusted by the fact they're feeling things that aren't negative

Them showing their affection by bullying each other. I don't mean the playful teasing that normal couples do, Lisgoe will insult Ross, who will retort back with a snide remark, to which Lisgoe will respond to with a threat and so on - nobody else is allowed to do it though, they're protective of each other

Them having frequent back-and-forths/"snark-swapping", but rarely actually arguing because they aren't fussed with typical Relationship Problems™️: work getting in the way? They're both dedicated to their jobs. Future plans? They both think marriage is a waste of time and money and GOD knows they hate children. Insecurities? With Ross and Lisgoe? Now THAT'S a laugh!

But also... both of them lowkey feeling constant pressure to constantly be the best in their field and always feeling the need to compete with others, and slowly, subconciously, learning how to be OK with having off moment

This doesn't stop them from being absolute terrors to the inhabitants of Royston Vasey

Lisgoe secretly having a thing for Ross' eyes and REFUSING to admit that he likes how piercing they are because that's gross and pathetic

Ross liking how angular Lisgoe's features are

Occasionally, he'll absentmindedly run his hands along Lisgoe's collarbones and hips and/or touch his jawline while they're talking - Lisgoe teases him for it, but never pushes him away

"You're doing it again, you handsy bastard"

"I don't hear you complaining"

Ross appreciating Lisgoe's up-front attitude and Lisgoe liking that Ross offers solutions to problems

Lisgoe secretly being the reason Ross stops ranting about how "disgustingly trashy" tattoos are because he keeps seeing them on Lisgoe's torso and arms on the rare occasions that they're exposed and damn it, they suit him

Ross being the only person to call him "Joseph"

Lisgoe being banned from the kitchen because he can't cook (he sets fire to pasta because he doesn't add water, that's how bad he is), and him being stubborn and trying to anyway because he's a grown man, damn it!

"Ross, I said I'm cooking tonight"

"And I said, if I'm going to die, I'm doing it on my own accord. Not by a housefire and DEFINITELY not from your attempt at risotto"

Their physical affection (with the exception of that side of things) being minimal and private because ew, PDA and ew, sap

It usually involves hands (don't be dirty!); a hand on the back, on the shoulder, Lisgoe using Ross' shoulder as an armrest because he's a habitual leaner

On a few occasions, because kissing is NOT what he does (other than... mhm), Lisgoe has a tendancy to kiss the corner of Ross' mouth

And Ross Gaines feels NOTHING about this! He's so NORMAL about it! It totally doesn't take him a moment to steady his breathing because he's SO UNAFFECTED, HE'S ROSS GAINES FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Lisgoe trying to find ways to make Ross swear (which is a rare occurance as it is); sometimes it's because he finds it funny, other times because it's very attractive - it depends on the situation

"I don't understand why someone people don't possess any basic understanding on how to act like normal people. They're vile"

"They're worse than that, surely"

"... I'm not doing it"

"Come on, you're itching to say it. Call them an asshole, or a twat, just let it-"

"They're a bunch of wankers. Happy?"

"Very"

Them being an absolute power duo

Ross is the brains, obviously. He's logical, quick-witted and is able to work his way out of any puzzle - what he lacks in strength, he makes up for in knowledge and application

"I appreciate the effort you put into your story, but I know for a fact that it doesn't add up. And I think you do too, am I correct?"

Many people assume Lisgoe is the "muscle" (in spirit, we all know he's tall and lanky), and that isn't wrong. But, due to the nature of his work (and the fact that he's a tyrannical bastard), he's VERY good at reading body language and facial expressions. The slightest nervous twitch or smug smirk, he'll catch on no matter how small it is

"You're scared. Why? Because you know you're fucked? Or is it because you know I'm about to dash your brains into the fucking pavement?"

Both of them getting jealous when the other gets flirted with; Ross has silent rage, while Lisgoe drags the person away and sorts them out himself

Them being the most feared couple in Royston Vasey

Them REVELLING in their reputation

[battendownthewhatsit]

I am really intrigued by the big Plot Choice in OFMD S2!

Spoilers for OFMD S2 (and S1, I suppose) under the cut

--specifically, the way the show has set up Queen Zheng Yi Sao as the now- biggest *external* threat to the Revenge crew (the internal threats are arguably worse but Not The Point here!)

Because last season , the Major External Threat was The Fucking English Empire, with the Badminton brothers as their Dragon. Which meant simple villains who were easy to Boo-- BOOOOO the Empire! BOOOO the hypernormative bullies! This is a good easy Comic Bad Guy for our scrappy crew, overwhelming in power but morally in the clear wrong--they could just leave our crew alone (..to violently harass naval traffic, but like the victims in WWDITS, those aren't Real Characters here) , and they are even, both in the show and IRL, largely responsible for Stede and Blackbeard as pirates even existing. Plus it's easy to make them ridiculous losers. Excellent comic villains, no complaints intended by me, dunk on the British Empire forever.

But now, S2? The definite Big Threat going forward is going to be THE PIRATE QUEEN. Who is competent, and effective, and makes wonderful soup.

The Pirate Queen, who saved their lives and gave them every chance to fit in on her crew, mostly because she liked Olu. Because he was kind, and gentle, and she values that.

The Pirate Queen who's about a million times more disruptive to the social order, the overarching problem in the series, then Stede has ever dreamed of being. Who was, yes, a danger to the Revenge crew after the mutiny, but who was also willing to negotiate that, was doing so as they made their escape, and who had definitely earned the trust to make the conversation at least worth trying. Only they chose not to trust her, and made their escape, and considerably screwed her over in the bargain.

I don't for a moment think Zheng Yi Sao's going to lose all her trust in her crew and spiral like Blackbeard did; she's way too established and self assured for that. I don't even think she's going to make hunting the Revenge a big part of her usual working day (though pirate culture pretty much requires her to let it be known they're her enemies now). But they're definitely going to meet again, maybe several times, and this time it can't be as friends.

And , like with running out on Mary, that's totally on Stede. And I think that Stede is finally starting to really realize that his whole "dump people and run" maneuver is genuinely fucked up and hurts people-- he seems to feel really lousy about it even as he's doing it-- but he hasn't figured out a new maneuver yet (even though he's talked about other ways often enough! a very realistic hypocrisy..)

anyway something something about how last season was mostly about Stede finding the courage to Be Himself without apology, saying Goodbye to his old externally imposed roles (some goodbyes being more sword-based than others) , and it looks like this one is going to be about learning how to be True to Yourself while needing to Apologize Lots Actually; the way more complicated balancing act of needs and commitments with people who do have reasonable expectations him, instead of the easily-hateable and irrelevant Badmintons, who he could kill without guilt.

(I mean also it's gonna be very very funny. I hope Buttons changes shape several times and also bites more people. But there's gonna be a Plot and Themes and so on too, yk yk )

[ryukang1995]

My top 10 unpopular opinions.

10. Sevendust is one of the best Metal bands I have listened to I genuinely love Sevendust, but while the band has many fans, some of us can agree that they don't quite get the recognition they deserve, and because of that, several have indeed labeled them as underrated.

They have a great unique sound that is very heavy yet melodic, and they're one of the few bands that haven't really changed their sound all too much, and yet they still come off as great and fresh...that's just me though.

9. Double Dragon (Neo Geo) is one of the most underrated fighting games I have ever played I love the Double Dragon games (most of them, anyways), and this gem for the Neo Geo is no exception.

It's loosely based on the Double Dragon movie (more on that later), and yet it actually does a great job at making the film universe seem very cool, especially as an alternate take on Double Dragon. Beyond that, it's a fun Street Fighter II-esque fighting game, which is ironic because it's published by SNK (Capcom's long-time rival behind The King of Fighters and Samurai Shodown among others).

Definitely a much better Double Dragon fighting game than Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls, and it helps that it was developed by Technos Japan aka the company behind the original Double Dragon arcade games.

8. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is overrated I used to like this movie, but upon rewatch and reflection? I realize just how cringe and obnoxious it was.

Every single character is unlikable, especially Scott Pilgrim himself, and I didn't find it all that funny. It does have a great visual style from Edgar Wright as well as some cute easter eggs for video game fans, but that's not enough to salvage it.

7. Pineapple on Pizza is fine While not my favorite topping of Pizza (I prefer Pepperoni and Meat Lovers), Pineapple Pizza is not as bad as some make it out to be, especially when compared to Anchovies.

6. The old Super Mario Bros., Double Dragon and Street Fighter movies are not the worst The first few live-action movies based on video games pre-Mortal Kombat (1995) get quite a horrible reputation among fans, but as a fan of the games they are based on, I can still watch them.

Yes, they are very loose takes on the classic games, which is largely one of the main reasons why fans hate them, and yes, they're not technically great movies either, but they can be very amusing, especially in that guilty pleasure/so bad it's good way.

I can still let them pass for at least trying to make video game adaptations work, especially since they were among the first examples of the concept. We did get better video game movies, especially the animated Mario and Street Fighter II movies, but believe it or not? We also got much worse examples (such as Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li and the adaptations directed by Uwe Boll).

5. I never got into the MCU's depiction of Spider-Man I love Spider-Man, especially the first two movies by Sam Raimi, but I never really got into later Spider-Man movies beyond them...well, except for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, which is honestly the best Spidey flick since Spider-Man 2 (I have yet to see Across the Spider-Verse, but I have heard great things).

Tom Holland's version of Peter Parker did get a lot of praise, but I never really liked him all that much. To me, he was kind of a wuss. I recognize that he does mature by the end of Spider-Man: No Way Home, but while it was nice to see him with both Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield on screen, I had already lost interest in the MCU by that time.

If you like the MCU Spider-Man movies? That's perfectly fine.

4. Street Fighter III and Mortal Kombat X are some of the most overrated fighting games ever Some will scream blasphemy since I am a massive fan of both Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, hence my nickname Ryu Kang, but I never got into these particular installments.

They were both aiming to be focused on the new generations of both franchises, similar to Tekken 3, which I felt did that concept much better. The two games get a lot of love, especially among tournament players, but they're not my cup of tea, and I do prefer other Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat games.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) is one of the best incarnations of the TMNT franchise I love the TMNT franchise, whether it'd be the 80s cartoon, the first two live-action movies from the 90s, or some of the video games like the two arcade games by Konami and Shredder's Revenge.

While the 2003 cartoon has a fanbase, it's also one that tends to be pretty underrated, especially in later times. I love how it aims to be darker and mirror the original comic books while still working within the parameters of being a Saturday morning cartoon.

I also have a personal attachment to the cartoon as I used to watch it a lot around 2003-04. Plus, I will gladly take it over later incarnations of TMNT like the Michael Bay movies.

2. Batman Forever and Daredevil (2003) are pretty underrated comic book movies These two movies do get so much hatred, I feel. While neither of them are among the greatest superhero movies ever made, I genuinely feel there was a lot of effort put into them, especially considering that they were victims of heavy studio meddling.

The director's cut of Daredevil (2003) especially salvages that movie, and I would like to see the original cut that Joel Schumacher intended for Batman Forever if they ever plan on releasing it.

1. I prefer Sonya Blade with Liu Kang over her with Johnny Cage Some of you definitely saw this coming, especially if you follow my page, but yeah, I'm not very fond of the CageBlade pairing.

I have already written many times before why I feel this way, but in a nutshell...Johnny annoys Sonya so much, and she only warms up to him whenever she's put in danger and he comes in to save the day. Also, later MK games and movies did a poor job handling their dynamic.

While Liu Kang and Sonya never really hooked up in the canon, the interactions they do have really show that the two get along well, and I do feel the pairing has fan art and fanfic potential beyond what I normally do with them.

With that being said, I don't mind Liu Kang with Kitana either (though recent MK games and movies do a poor job handling them too), and I would be biased and harsh if I said that he deserves only one between Kitana and Sonya.

So yeah, those are my top 10 unpopular opinions. If you don't agree with any of these, it's all good. Let's be civil about it.

[khaleesiofalicante]

This was probably my favorite chapter yet. The ending was so so so good.

Like YES IRIS MY QUEEN I TOTALLY GET WHY YOU KISSED HERMES.

Leaders making sane, thoughtful and controversial decisions knowing what the consequences will be but still doing it because they know it's the right thing to do is so fuckinh hot. I think Hermes might be my favorite side character in the story. Also I love his interactions with Magnus. They're both so powerful and influential but in such a different way. I love how much they both respect eachother.

I have a theory. I'm not not sure if it will happen but maybe if Hermes dies, the person who takes over for him will be Magnus. Hermes is clearly an amazing leader who knows how to make decisions and lead but also knows when to ask for help and collaborate. And Magnus who's also incredibly smart and influential is now learning to ask people for help and reached out to Hermes. I don't know maybe I'm overthinking it but I would love to see then working together/taking over after him. I'm really excited for all the warlock stuff.

The reveal of the pandemonium entrance was very cool. I didn't gasp at it and scream 'plot twist'. It was more of a 'oh' feeling because it made a lot of sense and it made me realize just how important lance is in this story. I'm kinda glad that this kinda balanced the scale. Like now there's a reason why Lance's death should be avoided. I'm not sure how the Clave will perceive it though.

I'M SO SO SO HAPPY THAT KINNY AND JOAN ARE FRIENDS NOW. I've been looking forward to this for sooooo long. I hope their friendship grows and they can be there for eachother despite their differences.

I was kinda mad at Max when he was yelling at Arthur. It was kind of a shock to my system to see him talking to Arthur like this but I also get it. But also I really wanted to protect Arthur and give him a hug. It was kind of worse to see David's reaction to it. I'm not sure why.

When Lance finally finds out about Arcaid, all hell will break lose (literally). I cannot wait.

Thankyou for always being so amazing and keeping me on my toes.

Love, Yana

Ps. Random question. Seeing how malec are so blissfully healthy, what do you think one of them might do that would really make the other one really mad? I'm especially curious about what Magnus would do.

I love your take on Hermes' leadership style. It's quite spot on, really. This is why I prefer the Warlock Council (the structure/governance of it) rather than the Clave - which seems a little too rigid for me.

The pandemonium reveal is similar to the reveal of Lance's blindness in IALS - it's definitely 'oh' moment because it was right there all along.

Fun fact: Lance's tattoo which is the latin motto of nephilim ("the descent into hell is easy") is literally a clue about where the pandemonium is because it's written on his back - he got it ironically because he thought it's funny (What am I going to do with this boy?)

About the malec question, I'm not sure if you asked in the context of LBAF or general, but I think it could be something around:

a) putting themselves in danger (like literally sacrificing themselves). But this sound hypocritical because they both have a tendency to do this hehe

b) something to do with the kids - they were more likely to have these fights in LBAF 2 (or like TLND timeline) when the kids were younger and they were still responsible for them.

c) something to do with politics. Like in the show, you know? Magnus and Alec are two important leaders in their respective communities so if there is a warlock vs nephilim situation...Well, who is to say? 🥰

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Well... That Escalated Quickly

It had to happen eventually. I get the SCP Gamer Squad together for a little lighthearted fun and games, only... I might have made a mistake inviting Abel. I forgot, in addition to being a walking stab dispenser, Big Brother is a sore loser. Worse, since technically he's not allowed out of his quarters, I had to set my stuff up in his place.

It's Monday night, and once again I try setting up a game night. Clef is on board, let's be honest if guns are involved so is Clef, even digital ones. 035 opted out, citing a headache. Iris is sitting in for 963, who's still in Time Out for shenanigans. I've just set up my gear in Abel's quarters, hoping I can at least convince him to hang out. We're joined on our LAN by Dr. Iceberg, whom I didn't know played. No matter. Time for some Dead By Daylight. Oh good, Iris brought pizza. I fire up my system, and get everything set up. Once I'm done, I knock on Big Brother's cubical confinement.

"Hey, Big Brother? Wanna come play some games with your kid sisters? We brought pizza. Plus... you might even be able to leave Iceberg hanging, or at least cut him down to size."

"Pizza? I am, as they say, in." The door swings open, Abel walks out. He's got some serious bed head going, and I giggle. "What is funny, Little Sister?"

"Uh, you've got seriously messy hair, bro. Let's fix that." I sit him down, brush through his curls. Before long, I've sorted his ginormous bird nest. I'm finishing up his plait while Iris brings over a plate laden with pizza.

"Thank you, Iris. What is tonight's game?"

"Beats me, Abel. Ask Gamemistress Rabbit there, it's her rig."

"I was thinking Dead by Daylight at first, but I'm feeling a bit more like Among Us. Kinda want to stab Clef in the back, but I can do that in any game really. It's just funnier to me in that game. Maybe it's the bean bag avatars?"

"Definitely the beanies, Sis. They're too cute to be so sus." We log into chat.

"Hi gang. Gamemistress Rabbit here. Iris is too, and we have a special guest tonight... give a big SCP Gamer Squad welcome to everybody's favorite nigh unstoppable swordsman, The Semetic Nightmare himself... our very own SCP 076-2, Abel! Say hello Big Brother."

"Er... hello? Is this thing on?"

"Abel... games? It's too late to back out, isn't it?" Iceberg actually sounds nervous.

"What up, big guy? Don't worry, this lobby is guaranteed 963 free. Shaw can't hack for shit. We're clear there." Not surprised Clef is chill, not much worries him excluding his ex.

"Good to know. Shall we begin?" Everybody agrees.

"Tonight's game is... Among Us! So, pick your avatars, and let's get at it. There will be a short break to explain the game to our new player, of course." Iris is already telling Abel how everything works. He's even chosen his avatar. To everyone's surprise, he's... purple. Unexpected, but... purple dye used to be really expensive. I can buy that excuse. Iris picks blue, I'm green, Iceberg is yellow for some reason, Clef is red, and our mystery plus one picks black.

"Hey, Rabbit. Real quick, hope you don't mind, I brought a guest of my own. Sort of. Say howdy, 049!"

"Hello, my dear. I look forward to playing. I do hope it's all right I join in, I might have let it slip I was curious as to why Clef had a laptop instead of a ukulele."

"More than all right, I must confess I was going to ask you, but Clef beat me to it. I think I owe our colleague some decent coffee tomorrow."

"We're set here. Ready?"

"Okay. Iris, would you kindly help me keep the bucket of bolts in one piece, or close enough? Everybody else, find the murderer, and provide the proof, you'll win the game, plus a nifty prize. Here we go, folks... good night and good luck."

The game plays out, and to no one's surprise... Dr. Iceberg is out. My Doctor found the body. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep the life support on, with Iris watching my back. We see Clef run by in a hurry.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. He's mad. Shit!"

In the room, Iris and I look at each other and laugh. It's not Abel chasing Clef... nope. My Doctor is trying to lobotomize him with a power drill.

"Come back, I am only trying to cure you. Why do they always run?" Meanwhile, Abel sneaks up on me, undoes my hard work, then... shoves me out of the airlock. Iris follows me, yeeted out like a sack of trash into the incinerator.

I mute my mic, look him in the eye. "You jerk!" And he laughs. Before long, it's only him standing. He hit Clef with a welding tank. 049 got stabbed and shoved out of the airlock. Not bad for a noob.

"I won this round. Next game?"

"Let's play something else. Oh! Got it... anyone up for CS:GO?"

"Too rough for a noob. Stick to Call of Duty or something."

"Or... we could play my modded up version of Left 4 Dead 2, whatever."

"I think I'll sit out that one. Dyo told me about it, he said the tank mod was... unexpected."

"Fine, Modern Warfare 2 it is. We all a squad, or we flying solo here?"

"Squad. I do not want Abel knifing me because I look like just enough xp."

"I must agree, reluctantly. Especially after the last game. Has anyone seen Dr. Iceberg?"

"Wow, that first kill hit so hard it booted him off the server. Note to self: do not mess with Abel." Iris looks at our big brother. "Honestly, that was worth the unexpected spacewalk last game. Well done, Big Brother."

[ariminiria]

I'm curious, but may I ask what the major issues of the Hobbit trilogy were, please?

ohhh boy I could go on for ages... in fact, I think I previously made a whole post about it, let me see if I can find it

okay I couldn't find the exact post, but the two I rbed below me are a couple reasons. but, I'm going to be visiting the discord for this one bc I know I've definitely ranted about it there

but first, I want to start out by addressing an attitude I've seen since Amazon's fanfiction came out. a lot of people have started to point to the Hobbit trilogy and say, "see! it wasn't so bad! aren't you grateful for them now! we trested it so badly but we didn't know!"

to which I say: absolutely not.

more below the cut because this is gonna be loooong

that's like trying to excuse a turd in comparison to a post-taco bell night mess. one is more disgusting than the other, but at the end of the day, they're both terrible pieces of shit.

the Hobbit films didn't magically get better just because the Fanfic came out. it being worse didn't suddenly erase that trilogies flaws.

so with that clarified, let's get into what actually makes the Hobbit films so bad.

I actually think the first one is pretty good. It had potential and is easily fixable.

but movie two... it was all downhill from there.

where to begin... ah, the writing.

so, it's clear that the writing was attempting for the same tone as the original LotR trilogy. and while that may seem like a good idea on the surface, The Hobbit was written for children. the tone of the book is overall more light-hearted and adventurous. therefore, trying to force the more despairing-yet-hopeful, dark tone of the original trilogy already starts the story on the wrong foot. you get conflicting messages from the subtext because the film writers' vision is so different from the basic intent of what Tolkien wrote.

I like to say it this way: they were more interested in making a "LotR prequel" than they were in making a "Hobbit film adaptation". the Hobbit should've been one film, maybe two. but they clearly only painfully stretched it across three films like butter scraped across too much bread for the sole purpose of having just as many movies as LotR - but that one actually makes sense because the book is divided into three volumes providing natural breaking points and content enough for for three movies

now I own the extended editions of the Hobbit, literally just for the sake of owning them, and.... the first one? hardly "extended" at all. I'm pretty sure the extended Unexpected Journey is literally still shorter than the shortest THEATRICAL cut LotR film. it felt like the only material they cut was cut for the sole purpose of being able to sell an extended version.

also pardon my French but it genuinely makes me so angry-- there's this one fucking joke. this stupid. Fucking. Joke.

why would you hire a COMEDIAN to be in an epic fantasy like Tolkien?? Tolkien has funny moments but not Modern Comedian Funny.

this stupid. motherfucker. I am SO angry about this, he looked at a candelabra and fucking said MADE IN RIVENDELL??? I literally yelled over the movie for two solid minutes about that one, three word, throwaway line. it pisses me off more than the entirety of love triangle plot (we'll get to that later, don't you worry)

anways, I am taking deep breaths, I am calming down, we are forgetting about The Joke...

*ahem* now, let's talk about how the films look. first off, they filmed in 30 FPS. for context, the standard Frames Per Second is 24. 30 is typically only used for special effects such as slow mo, and even then youre better off using 60, so its essentially pointless in the end. this results in a weird, subconscious "off" feeling as you watch the movement on screen. everything just looks... not-quite-right, even if you can't put a finger on what it is.

the main visual issue is overuse of CGI. one of those posts I rbed below this has visual examples, comparing between the trilogies. namely, comparing between Lurtz and Azog the Defiler (who wasn't even in the books, btw. he was named dropped once, to say "oh yeah and Bolg, the orc leading the Orc army was the son of Azog the Defiler" and that was it).

the atrocious CGI sabotages any goodwill you mightve had for the production value.

the LotR trilogy was believable because of the well managed practical effects, with minimal and careful use of CGI. Peter Jackson said it was made like "a Kiwi indie film", and that simplistic yet passionate charm shines through The Hobbit, on the other hand, shot like any major hollywood production with approximately Zero indie charm, said "computers can do anything and everything, right?" and they just. Did That.

all the backgrounds are NOTICEABLY green screen. they're fuzzy and just. weird. im talking noticable green screen. there's even a behind the scenes set photo of Ian McKellen with his head in his hands, weeping, because he's surrounded by nothing but green fabric, without even another human actor across from him.

remember how I mentioned Azog? the orcs look like these weird, clay models that somebody ran through a computer program, and it's very distracting. not to mention, most of the orcs' acting is lost in the motion capture translation because CGI tech is constantly changing, whereas practical effects are what they are. theg stay the same and hold up consistently, making them far superior and able to last far longer, because CGI will inevitably evolve and be left in the dust (isn't that right, original Jumangi?) I once found a side-by-side gif of the original Azog actor in the motion capture suit vs the end product and I was absolutely gutted at how much of the intensity was lost. that same man, in a prosthetic effects costume? I have full confidence it would've been beautiful. but alas...

and i promised earlier that we'd talk about it, so its time to address that love triangle.

holy bad idea, Batman. you don't add OCs to someone else's work outside of fanfic period, but especially not to works like Tolkien. you just don't. heck, I even have issues with Legolas being in the Hobbit movies since he wasn't in the books! however, that could have been excused because he legitimately is Thranduil's son, and it would have been a neat fan service cameo, but with what they did to his character, it would have been better off not to have him at all. he had no business being so involved in the Plot, a simple popup in Mirkwood would've been enough

and then

then...... they had to do That. with Tauriel. Tauriel..... look, I get it, they wanted Female Representation™️, but. No. a multi billion dollar trilogy made to get money from nerds is not the place to crowd test your Dwarf/Elf/Elf love triangle fanfiction. that whole arc was also clearly time padding to have more material to justify 3 movies lol.

but, in addition, because of the love triangle/unnecessary Azog subplot combo, they ruined the depth of certain character deaths. Fili and Kili were meant to fall defending Thorin, and Thorin died three days later of his wounds, which is a huge part of his change of heart in forgiving Bilbo.

one thing that makes me laugh more than makes me angry is Kili's death. they try to make it all dramatic, like "oh no, Bolg has thrown the Strong and Dexterous Female Elf Warrior to the ground, and now he is going to kill Kili in slow motion" but like. she could have gotten up. she wasn't gravely injured, and she's like. an elf.

and it would have been so easy to fix this too, ignoring the fact that she shouldn't even exist. watch this, I'll fix it right now: she has almost fallen off the cliff, hanging on by her fingertips just the same way Gandalf did in Moria. she struggles to regain her grip to get to Kili, but before she can even get back up onto the ledge, Kili has been killed.

instead what we got: she's just like slowly writhing on the ground as Bolg deadass pauses for dramatic effect before slow mo shanking Kili with this giant spear that should have killed him instantly, but like he has enough slow mo time to gasp and groan and then finally mouth "i LoVe YoU!1!1" before mercifully perishing and escaping this trash movie. it's hilarious.

and don't even get me started on the weird sexual undertones they put between Gandalf and Galadriel, like??? that's a married woman my dude, why are she and the wizard making eyes at each other

anyways I'm sure there's more I could talk about but this is long enough as is. maybe someday I'll take all the footage of all 3 movies and edit it down into one single-film extended cut of What Could Have Been but until then I'm just going to keep rightfully trashing on this movie

[millimononym]

Remember when i made canon content? Yeah, me neither

Warning for stalking mention and cigarettes

Dahlia Mystery Day (his actual name is Dahlia Day but he decided to add on to it cuz hes edgy). He's one of Sugarcanes' older brothers(the middle one). He's freshly out of prison and already committing things that warrant restraining orders.

If you're wondering what "short hair(criminal)" means (it sounds so funny out of context too), on the Predaflorra races' planet, there are socially acceptable hair lengths(this applies both to men and women). Only criminals have short hair, it gets cut when they're sentenced guilty. When someone escapes prison or is fresh out of it, you can tell (another form of punishment from the prison system- societal judgement ! Now not only are you discriminated against in jobs, but also everyone can see you were a criminal!). The shortest acceptable length of hair is about what Primrose has. Anyway Dahlia got sent to prison for stalking his ex. I guess creepiness runs in the family since Sugarcane ended up becoming a borderline stalker as well(i never mentioned this but he takes his job as a "paparazzi" too far very often. He LIKES taking unaware/embarrassing photos and finding info on people he doesn't like. He thinks it's righteous. It's creepy. He's creepy).

After he gets out of prison he decides to stalk Oleander (the team captain) instead. Sugarcane helps him out for some favors cuz he doesn't really like her at all. She finds out and it's the main reason she can't stand their entire family. Dahlia goes missing after a while. Wonder why

Also an important note: unlike most people, he does NOT care about family in the slightest. Like, at all. Imagine that scene from Addams Family Values where Debbie walks in yelling "INLAWS" with a shotgun in hand. That's him. He's Debbie. Brambles and Shyflower are the inlaws. This has most definitely happened before, just not on his criminal record.

COACH COACH COACH !!! THE DILF!! THE HORRIBLE FATHER!! HERE HE IS. also i am so mad his muscles don't show under the hoodie. However i don't have the nerves to rework it so i will live with my shame.

Former soldier in the flux wars pre-current Galactik Football. May or may not have helped in executing the former ruler of his planet. Chronic cigarette addict. Probably dying. Extremely strict. Maybe even worse than Artegor in some aspects. The type of teacher to say "oh, you don't get it? Well then EVERYONE is going to have to wait til you figure it out :) ". Being one of his players is extremely mentally taxing cause of all the BULLSHIT they gotta deal with from him on a daily basis

Is definitely may or may not be the absent father of one of the players on the team. In his defense, it wasn't really his choice. Brambles' and Shyflowers' mom is a crazy ass bitch. Blackberry knows Brambles is his son but doesn't know if the other one knows and it drives him insane. And vice versa. Because of plausible deniability neither of them wants to say anything so it just goes on like this til they eventually get forced to acknowledge it.

(sidenote since i always forget to explain everything. He's only Brambles' dad. Not Shys'. Shyflowers' dad is his moms' current pussy ass husband who she's only with for the money and rep since he's important(he's actually the reason Sugarcanes' side of the family is related to them). She had 3 seperate husbands since it's socially acceptable to switch em out a lot lol. It's suprising that she even decided to be loyal to one at a time)

[mellow-worlds]

I keep thinking about the video "Noel avec la famille". It's a strange and beautiful video and I wish I could live in that video. I wish I knew those people and I wish I was one of those people. They fit together so well. They're weird and they are able to casually film their interactions and I wish I lived in that video.

I do sometimes take videos. Sometimes I edit them. I never directly take videos of people and they're mostly not seen in those videos at all. My sibling is the only person I dare film directly like that. But I haven't done anything with files where you can see anybody's face, out of fear. But that's kind of besides the point. My point was not about it being a video, but about the people in the video.

I'm lonely and dissatisfied, aren't I?

I've also been thinking about D quiet a lot again. Occasionally about Snoopy, but I don't really care about that. I think that I'll never really see them again. Why? Well, let me tell you about how I'm the biggest bitch, backstabber and copycat. S decided to never really want to see Snoopy again, despite them sharing quiet a special connection in the past with them. Well, yeah, that's the story pretty much. Yeah. Aren't I the worst person ever? Well, maybe the story does go a little deeper than that, but still. Those are basically the facts. EEEHHH I don't really feel like talking about that :((((( I hate myself and I don't want to confront myself with more reasons to hate myself

Ok maybe it WOULD help if I explored that a little bit further. I do enjoy conversations with Snoopy, but I'm afraid of getting any closer to them. They already know a lot about me, but still, I do hide a lot of sides from me and it creates a version that nobody else knows has ever seen. I'm glad that it's over with Snoopy. We don't work well together. They're kind of super violent. I have nothing against violence per se (I mean it doesn't get you anywhere especially politically but ig it's fun), but they're angry violent. I remember they were telling me about how they were annoyed while waiting for a dentist appointment and literally throwing their chair around. They once lifted their hand pretty quickly while walking next to me and I kind of winced. They even noticed it and said that if there's something I wanted to talk about, domestic violence is not a joke, maybe it was a reflex because of my domestic life blablabla. They're just... So angry. They experience emotions kind of intensely, I think. Maybe not sadness, and definitely not stress, but even their excitement is violent. So yeah. Talking with S (and T) about that and seeing that V also distanced himself from them kind of gave me a push into that direction, making me realize that it's good that I'm walking away from them, despite enjoying spending time with them and finding them funny and interesting. It kind of really freaks me out that they know so much about me. Too much. I wonder how much they've talked about me to other people I really should get to know S better, shouldn't I?

Ok, thinking about D. It's mostly just that they're kind of at the back of my head and I miss doing things with them. I think about the crazy things we did together quiet a lot. I listen to quiet a lot of music similar to what they also might like. And the Beatles ofc. Ok, let's leave that topic behind us. I don't want to keep thinking about them more than I have to, I don't want to start missing them again like crazy because it really hurt and I don't want to hurt. I am sad but it could be so much worse so I'm glad I'm currently not missing them. I guess I do long for friends in general? Gosh I'm so sad and lonely. I guess it could be worse.

[scatterpatter]

"Where's the essay OP" Said no one, and yet here I am

Lampy isn't stupid, he's neruodivergent: a rushed-together masterpost

Disclaimer: I'm not a liscened medical professional but I'm neurodivergent who's close to many neurodivergent people so I know when certain traits strike me as very familiar... Also tblt is my comfort movie I've seen it probably over 100 times, not exaggerating, so if anyone here's an expert on it, it's me.

I'm only going by the first movie because while To The Rescue and Goes To Mars probably have evidence to back me up, I don't feel like sitting down to watch them as I don't have them as memorized as the original

Point #1: Lampy is arguably the most intelligent appliance in the movie

Honestly it apalls me that so many are convinced that Lampy is an idiot when he displays some of the most intelligent traits in the movie. I'll just list off some of the most important scenes that show this

1: When discussing a way to get to the city, Lampy comes up with plans that end up failing, true. But we should also consider that not only did Radio and Toaster come up with bad plans before deciding on the swivel chair, but 2/3 of Lampy's ideas involved the same mechanic: on something with wheels(yes the mattress had wheels for some reason) being powered by Kirby

2: "From here you can see the really big lamp!" This scene is simply due to the appliances being sheltered from the outside world. Lampy displays the same level of naive-ness as everyone else: Radio seems earnest in calling the sun a "really big lamp", and Kirby calls the grass "shag carpet". Lampy is not at a lower intelligence in this scene, he's exactly at the same level as everyone else

3: The scene with the storm really sells his intelligence. The appliances have a rudimentary understanding of electricity, most likely from being appliances, but Lampy displays an excelled level of understanding by sacrificing himself for the battery. He understands that batteries are powered by electricity, lightning is electricity, and by using himself as a lightning rod, he acts as the conductive metal to easily transfer this energy from the bolt to the battery. Technically this should have overcharged and fried the battery but we'll suspend disbelief for the sake of this movie.

4: He knew that stacking the appliances to roughly human height, creating a dark environment with ominous sounds, and putting Toaster at eye-level to scare the human with his own reflection... Again, this is an intelligent understanding of how to scare a human

5: It's unclear on whose idea it was to look up Rob in a phone book, however this shows that not only can Lampy read(most likely picked up from being Rob's reading light), ESPECIALLY when Toaster struggles to read, but also has an understanding of phone books, addresses, and finding humans based on family names. I cannot stress how intelligent this is for a sentient desk lamp

There's a few more minor examples, but these are the biggest cases. Lampy is intelligent.

Point #2: Lampy struggles with social cues and doesn't empathize as easily as others

My biggest point here is when people think neruodivergents are "dumb" for having trouble picking up on things like sarcasm when that just... isn't the case. A few notable examples include:

1: When Air Conditioner says "You're a real bright little lamp", Lampy doesn't pick up the sarcasm and thinks he's being complimented. Though he definitely shows a level of emotional intelligence because he looks to Toaster to confirm "hey I was complimented", sees they're still looking angry, and gets the hint that he was insulted without someone needing to explicitly tell him that, to which he then responds with "Heyyy >:("

2: Sometimes he's able to read the room and pick up on tones, but other times he shows a level of emotional density. Legitimately not knowing if Rob had returned even when seeing Blanky disappointed to the point of near tears... But then knowing "brains wouldnt hurt either" was a jab at their intelligence and reacting with appropriate annoyance... But also when Radio says "Things could be worse!", doesn't realize he's just saying that to make Toaster feel better and asks "How could they be worse?"

3: He bullies Blanky alongside Radio and the others, unclear if he's actually being a jerk or just "oh this is what everyone else is doing so this is the normal way to act", but he's legitimately confused when Toaster tries to explain why they're suddenly being nice to him. He doesn't get the "now I feel better" argument because his argument was "Well you were never this nice to him before". Even when Toaster tries to explain why it feels nice, it just doesn't click... until Toaster finds a way to explain that connects personally to Lampy's own emotional state. He has trouble empathizing until realizing "oh this is like this thing that I feel sometimes"

4: Something I've noticed when gathering evidence is that more than once, Lampy goes "Wow..." After someone gloats about themself(Twice with Radio, once with the Computer). It's clear by the third time, when Radio goes "What does that mean?" And Lampy responds "I don't know. [To Computer] What does that mean?" That he doesn't even know what's being gloated about, let alone why he should be impressed. He has the emotional intelligence to recognize when someone's gloating and the "appropriate" response of amazement, but it seems like it never comes from a place of earnest. (While Neurotypicals can and do engage in "performative" behavior, I tend to notice this way more commonly with neurodivergents)

Also the "wow..." Performative thing is VERY reminiscent of Peridot from Steven Universe(a characters who many autistic fans see themselves in and the creator herself saying she doesn't consider Peridot or any of the gems to be neurotypical) going "wow thanks" as her default "this is how I've been taught to show gratitude" response

Point #3: Miscellaneous traits that could be neurodivergent

These traits COULD be interpreted as neurodivergent, but I will admit they could also be interpreted as something else so like take these with a grain of salt

1: Lampy appears to have sensory needs. When sleeping, he needs to tap a rock a few times(presumably to make sure it's "right") before clonking his head on it. It's interesting because rocks aren't a very "lamp" thing whatsoever, and none of the other appliances look for pillow-ish objects to rest on, so this could be a sensory thing.

2: Lampy has an interesting vocal quirk: repetition of phrases at the beginning and end of a sentence. Instances include "How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?" "All of a sudden you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden" "The fact is there's just not enough facts" The third one is a bit of a stretch but the first two seem to indicate a possible pattern of speech. Part of me wants to say this could be a verbal tic or some type of verbal stimming, but I've never met anyone who has a tic or stim like this so I can't say it's a neurodivergent thing with confidence, but I wanted to mention this quirk regardless.

3: Physically saying how he feels. Two instances where multiple characters are laughing, Lampy speaks while laughing "That's funny - I'm dying!" "I'm aching with joy!". It's just interesting that no one else speaks while laughing and for whatever reason, Lampy needs to verbalize "Yes I find this very funny" as if simply laughing along isn't enough. I've seen somewhat similar stuff in neurodivergents who have issues expressing emotions implicitly so they state them explicitly instead.

4: I've noticed Lampy isn't touchy... except with Radio. Some neurodivergent people can have issues with physical contact, which could explain that. But I've also noticed that Radio also gives me huge neurodivergent vibes... But more importantly Radio is extremely touchy with everyone, Lampy included, hence them often getting into physical fights but also just- tapping them or wrapping a cord around the other and pulling him close(they're so in love but that's a post on its own). A possible explanation is Lampy having issues with touching others, but either feels comfortable being touchy with Radio(due to emotional bonds and trust) or simply recognizes "Radio likes being touchy so I should be touchy back". A stretch of an argument, I'll admit, but I think the interpretation is there and valid.

In conclusion

I mean idk if Lampy was written to be neurodivergent or if the writers just wanted him to be "quirky" and accidentally gave him a lot of neurodivergent traits, but he reads as very neurodivergent to me(probably autistic or adhd but I'm not a professional and can't diagnose him). But while I can chalk up neruodivergency being one of many possible interpretations of his character, I WILL argue that he's not "stupid" given the evidence we see throughout the movie

Tl;Dr: Lampy is evidently intelligent, but sometimes struggles with social cues, empathy, and overall shows numerous traits of neurodivergency

[friendlyneighborhoodcapricorn]

hey babes! it’s Z with the matchup request hehe

can i please get 1 platonic & 1 romantic matchup between the MCU & TASM spideyverses (like just all the characters you write for from all the different spideyverses)

i’m 22, NB (he/they) and bi

i have a short, black mullet & wear huge 70s glasses basically 24/7 (i’m almost blind without them) and almost the only outfit i wear is huge tshirt, baggy shorts and big, chunky platform docs

i have autism and ADHD and i’ve been described to have a very funny, chaotic, unhinged vibe (in a good way) and i can be really loud, chatty and excitable when people first meet me (im great at breaking the ice) though i just talk constantly about NOTHING and it takes a bit of time and trust to get me to actually start opening up about who i really am/what i’m really like. once you get to know me, i’m a very sensitive person, i love deep existential conversations and philosophy and psychology, and i’m a VERY loyal and committed friend. my love language is definitely being able to support, reassure and give advice to my loved ones and to help them see how wonderful, strong and capable they really are.

i also love music, i’m studying songwriting and i write/play/produce punk/new wave/hyperpop music. i also play banjo in my spare time. i watch a ridiculous amount of movies and i love redbull (hehe)

thanks angel <3

I immediately saved it as a draft this time lol.

Okay, let’s see. For your platonic match-up, I match you with…

TASM!Peter Parker

The only reason I went with Andrew’s Spidey is because he’s somehow even more chaotic than Tom’s, and that seems to match your vibe pretty well.

Just imagine all the insane stuff the two of you get up to when left unsupervised. Especially when there’s Red Bull involved.

Movie nights are a must, but they always involve a lot of banter. Sometimes you watch movies just to roast them. And if you ever watch Die Hard together, there’s the discussion about whether or not it’s a Christmas movie (it’s not).

He tries to teach you how to skate. That’s the day you find out he’s Spider-Man: because he catches you with a web before you can fall flat on your face.

“Wait, did you just-“

“Nope, you must’ve hit your head.”

“Peter, I’m dangling half a foot off the ground.”

He tried lol.

So you become his go-to person if he ever needs help, either with catching criminals or to patch him up.

From then on, he also lets you make up excuses for aunt May because Peter can’t lie to save his life (I mean, we all remember the chimney scene right?) and you can’t possibly be any worse than him.

Music is another thing you bond over. Peter is so hyped whenever you show him a new song you’ve been working on. If he bounces any harder, he’s gonna hit his head on the ceiling.

Being his wingman when he asks Gwen out.

Actually, you probably called Gwen over to the two of you and told her Peter liked her. You were done with his quiet pining.

And I’m going to end it there because we all know how tasm 2 ends and nope, not going there lmao.

Now for romantic, I match you with…

Michelle Jones

MJ is very much like you in regards to needing time to open up, so the first few conversations are just sarcastic back and forths.

She likes that you play banjo because that's not something you hear every day.

MJ seems like the sort of person who's into really obscure movies, as well as watching those really bad disaster movies like Sharknado for the hell of it. You two have a blast powering through those.

Will steal your shirts.

It's no secret that MJ is a big fan of deep conversations, so your dates are either spent talking about social issues, or about weird philosophies.

Speaking of dates, they're usually pretty low-key. Going to watch the latest weird movie, just walking around New York, it doesn't really matter what you do: it's the fun of getting to do it together.

I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the request, and have a wonderful day/night :)

[firemblem-fics]

Running With the Wolves [1]

preview | >>

-> Yuri Leclarc x Fem!Reader

-> Modern!Au | Gang!Au | Enemies to Lovers

-> Word Count: ~3.3k

-> Warnings: Violence, Blood, Cursing, Weapons

-> Summary: You were just a normal college student, trying to find her way in a new place. You didn’t mean to get caught up in the wrong crowd. You just wanted coffee, but now you’re running with the wolves.

-> A/N: SURPRISE I POSTED IT EARLY ! thanks to my lovely beta readers for helping me revise and edit this chapter to make it better! i’m still in a writing mental block but i think this is one step closer to getting out of it! so, please enjoy (again)! also, all characters are aged up (21+)! also y’all should reblog this so it gets out more 🥺

send me an ask if you’d like to be on the taglist!

"Fuck- She's losing too much blood, Boss, she's not gonna make it!"

"No, no. She's going to make it- I'll make sure of it. Stay alive!"

Your vision was dark and blurry- you couldn't quite see anything. You could only make out a few silhouettes hovering above you, each one rushing around and yelling frantically. You couldn't count how many were there. Your vision kept doubling and it was hard to discern one person from three. Focusing just caused things to get worse.

"Someone put pressure on the damn wound! She certainly won't make it if you all keep messing around."

It was only now that you noticed a sharp pain radiating from your chest, right below your ribs. You gasped loudly and coughed. It hurt worse than the throbbing that already coursed through your head. Your body burned.

Trying to look down, you saw a rag soaked in blood. Hands with bright nails pressed down on your wound to slow the flow, but it didn't seem to be helping. You started feeling dizzy and laid back again, clenching your eyes tight as nausea engulfed you.

"No, keep your eyes open, Y/N, dammit! Wake up!"

Slowly, the pain began fading, as did your view of the people above you and their voices. You could still barely hear the voice crying, sobbing out your name. Whoever they were, they were crushed.

"Wake up!"

Was that voice finally fading away too?

"Wake up!"

No- it was getting louder.

"Wake up!"

"Ellie, what the fuck do you want?" You groaned, rolling over on your bed.

Your roommate bounced on her knees, making your bed creak loudly. "What do you mean? It's like 10am, your class is at 11. Don’t talk to me with that tone of voice."

"Fuck me."

"Absolutely not, baby." Ellie smacked a pillow beside you and got up. "Get ready!" She went to her own room, leaving you to your own devices.

When you applied for an apartment roommate, Ellie was certainly not the one you were expecting. You would've preferred a chill, laid-back, person. Instead, Eleonora Yumizuru walked into your life (and apartment) and practically made herself at home. She didn't judge you from transferring so far away from your old home for your last year of college, claiming that "home roots don't mean shit when it comes to making it in the real world".

She had the right to say such a thing, having moved to Fodlan from another country in her youth. She was able to understand the occasional homesickness and help you cope as you adjusted to Fodlan life. She understood you like the back of her hand from the moment you met and you did the same for her.

Really, you had to let her move in. She’d probably have stayed even if you rejected her.

She was the complete opposite of what you were looking for- overconfident, stubborn, loud- but she grew on you and easily became your best friend. There was just something about the bubbly, blue-eyed, blonde-bobbed bitch that hooked you.

She had certainly hooked other people as well, but thank God her bedroom is on the other side of the apartment. Her social skills and magnetic personality worked for platonic friends and acquaintances as well. Ellie was constantly bringing over friends, allowing you to expand your own circle. She was heaven-sent for a newbie like you.

You sat up from your bed, yawning and stretching. Trudging to your bathroom, you rolled your eyes as the infamous Taylor Swift blared through Ellie's speakers, "Shake it Off" shaking the entire apartment. Nothing against T. Swift, but sometimes she was not the first thing you want to hear when you wake up. At least not at max volume. Ignoring the song switching to "You Belong With Me" -another banger from Swift herself, but really "Teardrops on My Guitar” was your favorite- you finished getting ready and lazed into Ellie's room.

"I've got class 'till late today." You sat on her bed. "Do you want me to pick up dinner? It’ll let me explore the area."

"Oh, please do. You need to get out more. But where?"

You shrugged. "There's really only like two good food places here. Golden Pizza and Blue Lion Buffet. Your choice."

Ellie thought for a moment. "I went to the buffet with my little friend Touma the other day... so pizza! I just can't choose a side in their little spat."

"Spat?" You tilted your head.

"Goodness, Y/N! I know you're a little new here, but you haven't even heard of the shit that goes on between those restaurant owners?"

Shaking your head, you stayed silent for her to continue.

"The owners of Blue Lion Buffet, Eagle's Freezery, and Golden Pizza are all huge rivals. I heard they were all close, but went their separate ways. All the owners' kids are our age, too. They go to Fodlan Uni, but I don't know who they are." She smiled. "I am an esteemed woman with an upcoming high status. Who would I be to take sides? I prefer to cater to them all."

You could only nod, hiding a smirk at Ellie’s infatuation of fame. A huge restaurant rivalry. How funny. "What about that little cafe on the corner? What's it called? Café des Loups?"

"They're pretty neutral, just some college dropouts trying to make some money. I think they’re gonna get involved eventually- every restaurant’s been dragged into their drama at least once."

You nodded, standing up and messing with your apartment keys. "I'll keep that in mind. Bye, Ellie!"

"Bye! I better see some pizza later!" She called as you made your way out of the apartment, now playing "I Knew You Were Trouble".

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

College was honestly a scam.

You sat in the classes for two hours at a time, for what? You were paying thousands of dollars to be talked at by old dusty men who made you fall asleep faster than trying to read their overpriced textbooks. You paid thousands to nap at a desk.

Unfortunately for you, though, your thousand dollar desk nap was interrupted by a tapping on the surface. You huffed and looked up, coming face to face with a pair of soft, orange eyes. They radiated kindness and just looking into them seemed to lift your mood immediately.

"Hey, you need to wake up for this part. The professor said there's gonna be a quiz on this section tomorrow."

You shot up, looking back at your professor. Blushing embarrassedly, you smiled at the boy. "Thank you..."

"Ferdinand." He drew his bottom lip in between his teeth, as if to conceal his smile, before giving up and returning yours just as brightly.

As you faced forward to Professor Hanneman, as you were pretty sure his name was- or was it Ham Man? You didn’t care enough to know- you were now struggling with two distractions. One, the weight of your eyelids as they threatened to pull you back into dreamland. Two, Ferdinand.

You kept glancing at him, taking in his complexion. He must have come to class late, since you didn't see him before. Or maybe he was on time- you did fall asleep quite early into the lecture.

You were eyeing his carefully sculpted jawline, dotted with subtle stubble that connected to sideburns and led up to clean, silky, orange hair. You wished to run your fingers through it-

"Y/N, this is the second time I've seen you not paying attention." You jumped nearly three feet in the air. "Next time, I'll have to ask you to leave my class since you are obviously taking it as a joke."

"I-I'm not joking! Sorry!" You stuttered, finally finding a reason to keep your attention on the lecture. You did look away once, just to glare at Ferdinand, who only winked and chuckled at your misfortune.

Class was eventually over and you sighed, finally loosening up from forcing yourself to pay attention. You packed your notebook and laptop and swung your backpack on, getting ready to leave the room before a voice called to you.

You turned back. "Ferdinand?"

"I was simply wondering where your next class was. I can walk you to it, if you'd like." Said boy walked quickly towards you, holding himself with a nearly-perfect posture. You felt anxious- he was trying to make himself seem like a gentleman, but you still felt a little unnerved.

"Oh, um, sure! It's not for another fifteen minutes, but it is across campus."

Ferdinand's grin seemed to get larger, making his eyes crinkle at the edges. "How wonderful! That little café is down there and I've been meaning to check it out anyways. It works out perfectly."

"Uh, yeah." You laughed nervously. This was the first time a boy had taken interest in you- or was he really interested? Maybe he's just being nice-

"Also, before I forget. May I get your number? I'd like to talk to such a gorgeous woman like you a little more."

Oh, he was so interested. You had to make yourself breathe again as you handed him your phone to let him put his number in. He gave it back to you and you noticed a heart and a smiley face emoticon next to his contact name. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the emojis and you felt your cheeks heat up a bit. Ferdinand gave you a sweet smile before holding the door open for you, letting you lead the way to your next class.

On the way to the building, Ferdinand spent the time asking you questions and getting to know you better. He had scratched basically the entire surface of you, save for the secrets that new people shouldn't know, and the same could be said for you. Ferdinand was definitely a polished and refined man. He made quite the impression on you.

"What are you doing after classes?" You asked, hoping to invite him for pizza at your apartment.

"Ah, I've got work!" He smiled sheepishly. He definitely caught onto your hopes...

"Really? Where? Maybe after, you could stop by for some Golden Pizza-"

"Actually, I work at the Eagles Freezery." He was tense, suddenly. "So I really shouldn't. Rivalry and all of that, you know?"

You were a little confused, actually. "Why would that prevent you from hanging out for a bit? You didn't buy it, I did. Plus I thought the rivalry was only between the buffet and the pizza place?”

"It's- it's a loyalty thing. It’s between all three of us.”

"It's a restaurant. How loyal could you possibly be to a dumb little ice cream parlor-"

"It's more than that!" Ferdinand snapped his mouth closed, suddenly making himself quiet after his angry outburst. "Listen, I cannot and will not eat there, look at it, talk about it, or do literally anything about it. Please, just understand that."

"Uh, yeah." You nervously readjusted your backpack on your shoulder. "I- I should get to class now. I'll see you later, Ferdinand."

"Goodbye, I'll message you after work!" With that, he sent you a wink and a smile and turned, going about his own day with the most carefree pep in his step. As if nothing ever happened. You, on the other hand, could not have been more confused. Ferdinand seemed unpredictable when it came to his moods. He was comforting and kind, yet was so… upset when you insulted the parlor. It was a restaurant. Why did he get so worked up about it? Maybe Ellie was right about it being such a big deal.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“I just ordered! Go, go, I’m starving!”

Not even five minutes after you got out of your last class, Ellie was calling to remind you about dinner. You were still slightly unnerved from your encounter with Ferdinand, but you agreed to pick it up and would never hear the end of it if you didn’t do something as simple as takeout.

Golden Pizza was only about two blocks away and you stayed on the phone with your roommate the entire time, only saying goodbye as you walked in the establishment. The restaurant was very nice, the honey yellow walls and the glow of the wood-fired oven making the ambience warm and welcoming. You didn’t wait long in the line, soon coming up to meet a boy about your age with a glimmering emerald gaze and a smile just as bright at the front counter.

“Hi!” The boy- Claude, according to his nametag- greeted, “How can I help you?”

“I’m just picking up an order for Eleonora Yumizuru.”

Claude nodded and typed a few things into a computer at the counter. “I know Ellie! She and I had Stats together before she dropped out to pursue her acting career. She’s certainly something.”

“Oh, definitely. I’m her roommate.” Speaking of the devil, your phone vibrated in your pocket. It was a message from her. “She actually just messaged me. Wants me to bring her a dumb little lemonade from that cafe.”

Claude laughed, “You can go and get it now, if you’d like. Your pizza will be a few more minutes. Ellie set the time for your pickup for later, so you’re actually ten minutes early.”

You thanked him and left, walking to the cafe. You took your time, observing the shops around you. Across the street from Golden Pizza stood the Blue Lion Buffet. You smiled to yourself- what a cliche to have rivals across from each other. Beside the pizza parlor was another food shop, the Eagles Freezery. You thought about Ferdinand- he said he was working today. Maybe you could drop by and- No. No, Y/N. Go get your lemonade and go.

A soft bell chimed as you opened the door. You saw four people in cafe uniforms, going about their day as you approached the register.

“Welcome to our humble abode!”

“Constance, that’s only used for a home.”

You shyly waved at the so-called Constance and the pink-haired girl who corrected her. Cafe des Loups- or Cafe of Wolves- was a quaint place, quiet and not crowded, kind of like an off-brand Starbucks. Dim lights adorned the high black ceiling, illuminating the shop just enough for a comforting ambience. There was a mural of a rainforest painted on the wall to the opposite of the counter with comfortable tables and lounging areas. If you could, you’d probably waste the day away lounging around. It was the perfect environment for an introvert like you.

At this shop, a large dark-haired man controlled the register instead of Claude. As you approached the register, you noticed that he wasn’t wearing a nametag, but you had a small urge to call him Bigfoot.

“Hey! What can I get ‘cha?”

You scoured the menu. “Just two pink lemonades is fine-”

“Oh! Good choice!” Constance interrupted you, coming to stand beside the man. “Yuri-bird over there makes the best sweet lemonades!”

You followed her gaze over to a man who was sitting on a stool, slouched down and leaning his head on his hand. He stretched and stood up. “Thank God, we haven’t had many customers all day. I was starting to think we lost our appeal.”

“Of course we have not!” Constance replied. She turned to you, but you couldn’t tell whether she was still talking to Yuri or you. Maybe it was neither. “Not when someone as handsome as Yuri is making the drinks and my attractive self is greeting the customers!”

“Hey! I’m just as much of a visual as the boss-man.” The taller man joined in after taking your money. “We’re all pretty nice looking. Especially this little lady ordering~”

You blushed a bit. “Oh, please, I’m nothing special-”

“Nothing special?” Constance laid her hand against her chest. “You’re wonderful! Almost on the same level as me. Isn’t that right, Yuri-birdie?”

Yuri looked up from making your drinks, his analytical eyes seemingly boring holes into you. You shuddered, feeling like he could tell your deepest and darkest secrets from just looking at you. He shrugged, going back to the lemonades.

“She’s alright, I suppose.”

“You suppose? Yuri, that’s rude-”

Hapi was midway through lecturing the purple-haired man when the door to the shop chimed open and a rather large group came in. Yuri looked up and suddenly stood alert, as did the other three workers. In the group, you saw a familiar head of orange hair and orange eyes met yours. Your face screwed up into confusion.

“Ferdinand?”

“Don’t say anything.” The leader of the group, a short, white-haired girl snarled. “Are you a new… worker here?”

“Wh- you just told me not to say anything.”

Slowly, Yuri and the other three came up beside you, standing slightly in front. Your heart nearly stopped- you were in the middle of something you definitely weren’t supposed to be in and your sass had gotten on their bad side already. The white-haired girl scrutinized the five of you, her lavender eyes piercing holes through whatever facade of confidence you had tried to put up. You could feel yourself literally wither under her gaze, even more than you did when Yuri looked at you.

“What do you want, Edelgard?” Yuri put his hands on his hip, one fiddling with something under his shirt.

“I want your loyalty.”

Yuri snorted. “You aren’t in charge.”

“I’m not? Hm. Tell that to my father after he stepped down. I’m the leader now- the emperor, if you will.” Edelgard sighed heavily. “I have no time for more conversation if you won’t comply. Hubert, deal with them.”

The terrifying man who you assumed was Hubert suddenly reached in his coat and pulled out a handgun, aiming it at the five of you. Yuri quickly retaliated and pulled one of his own, throwing it at Constance before grabbing your wrist and running to the back. A loud gunshot rang through the air as you and Yuri continued to run. You both dodged around coffee shop equipment and he dragged you through a labyrinth that they considered the back of the store.

As you were running, Yuri pulled you to a sharp right turn and your arm scraped against a metal machine in your way. You hissed in pain and looked down at it, seeing a large wound going down your shoulder to your elbow. It was starting to bleed rather quickly, but you had no time to worry about it. You’d have time to tend to it if you survived.

“What’s happening?”

“No time to explain. Quick, hide!”

Yuri pushed you against the wall in between two larger cabinets and stood in front, grabbing yet another gun from his other hip. He cocked it, listening for the ruckus of the fight in the main room to make its way towards your location. You were shaking like a leaf, grabbing tightly onto your wounded arm and smearing blood all over your fingers and your clothes. You breathed heavily, trying to calm yourself at least a little- was this why Ferdinand had been so defensive over the Eagles Freezery? What kind of restaurant rivalry would constitute attempted murder? And wasn’t this cafe uninvolved anyways? You didn't have time to ponder any more questions as a loud crash echoed through the room. Yuri lifted his gun and began to speak lowly, not taking his eyes off of the door.

“When I say run, go out the back door and get in the black car back there. Don’t go home- one of them will find you.”

A gunshot rang through the air and Constance, Balthus, and Hapi burst through the doors, running towards you all. Yuri turned to you as the three of them caught up to him, pulling out their own weapons again as Edelgard began yelling.

“Run!”

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taglist: @fairyblue-alchemist @emperor-pizza @flavoredmilktea @fe3h-random-writing-and-stuff @mifuyuyu @blviddyd @laurexlance @atomicchocolatecookie @mapesandoval @local-goth-lilz

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[loopy777]

Non-Review: Free Comic Book Day 2021 - The Legend of Korra (Also Featuring Avatar: The Last Airbender)

With all the hype around 'Suki Alone,' it looks to me like most of the fandom missed that an additional Avatar comic with a story from each cartoon's era was just released for Free Comic Book Day. You can read them for yourself on either Dark Horse Digital or Comixology where it's mislabeled as being for ages 17+ (free accounts are required for both), but I'm sure one of the reasons you all love me is because of my willingness to jump in between you and these comics like the deadly bullets they can be. Well, I'm happy to die (metaphorically) for the sake of (a little anonymous internet) love, so I'm doing a full snarky review for each ten-page story. Also, I'm bored, and it's more fun to make fun of mediocre stuff than to praise stuff I like.

It's time for me to review "Free Comic Book Day 2021 - The Legend of Korra (Also Featuring Avatar: The Last Airbender)" or more specifically "The Legend of Korra: Clearing the Air" and "Avatar: The Last Airbender: Matcha Makers."

CLEARING THE AIR

The cover makes this look like a story about Jinora and Ikki having a sibling conflict. That's a lie. The Air Sisters arguing is merely the inciting incident for Tenzin telling a story of his youth. I should note that, as inconsequential as the Air Sisters stuff is, it's actually written very well because it posits Ikki as a victim of circumstance and Jinora as a bully who terrorizes her little sister with threats of getting thrown in jail by Metalbenders for an accident, cementing the characterization from the cartoon. This is not sarcasm. I really do think Jinora is presented by LoK as a Holier Than Thou little snot who just so happened to be naturally gifted with magic spirit-powers, but for some reason the rest of the fandom doesn't agree with me.

Anyway, Tenzin comes in to find the arguing (and Meelo just running amok for the fun of it and so far these characterizations are perfect), and rather than telling Jinora to shut her stupid face, he delivers a tale of his youth about conflict resolution.

So the meat of the story is how, when Tenzin was "a few years older" than Jinora, a pair of vandals got onto Air Temple Island and burned some graffiti into the spinning-panel things that Korra will destroy out of frustration during her Airbending training. Literally, the vandals are depicted as scorching the wood with enough smoke to be seen across a plaza. Tenzin goes after the vandals and they flee across the bay back to Republic City proper (one of the vandals is a Waterbender with a surf-plank). Tenzin pursues, catches them, and attacks them hard enough to smash some dockside crates. They are all then arrested by Metalbenders and dragged before Chief Toph. She's going to let Tenzin go (yay Toph!) and throw the vandals in jail (YAY TOPH!) and makes this face, and this entire comic is worth it:

However, Aang arrives and instead arranges to forgo the jail-time in favor of an Air Nomad Conflict Resolution Ceremony. This is nice and in-character, but I'm totally with Tenzin that these vandals should have been thrown in jail. They literally burned insulting graffiti into antiques from a genocided culture. But instead, Aang demonstrates conflict resolution by having Tenzin explain why he's hurt and what needs to be done to redress the wrong. And so the vandals help Tenzin scrub the graffiti off the panels with water and rags and mops- how, I don't know, since they were literally burned.

They also do a ceremony thing where they each take turns bending their element into a central space between them to 'clear the air' (GET IT GET IT HA HA IT'S ALMOST LIKE A PUN BUT NOT), so it's a good thing they were all Benders because this is kinda racist. This fixes all the problems and everyone is friends. Yay!

In the present, though, things are not so nice, because Tenzin's kids are still screaming at and provoking each other. Korra comes in with Asami at the end to ask what's going on, and Asami says nothing, so I still think everyone is characterized with perfect consistency with the cartoon.

I made this sound silly, but (aside from the spinny-panels getting cleaned with a little water and elbow-grease, which doesn't matter because Korra will eventually blow them all up anyway), I actually like this one. It has Tenzin demonstrate how much he's always had to work to be the Perfect Air Monk that everyone expects him to be, and Aang acknowledges how this is unfair but that Tenzin will never let him down no matter what. It also has Katara come in at the end (for just one line, boo!) to acknowledge that this was an especially easy little conflict for Tenzin to practice on and he'll eventually face worse. I found it a nice adult moment in a story that's otherwise clearly aimed at 8-year-olds.

The art is good. It's simpler than the LoK cartoon, with flat colors, but it captures the story and has enough liveliness for everyone's character to come across in their look and body-language. The brief action-sequence where Tenzin attacks the vandals is well done, moving quickly but showing the full flow of the fight and every move Tenzin makes.

MATCHA MAKERS

Apparently, "Matcha is finely ground powder of specially grown and processed green tea leaves, traditionally consumed in East Asia" according to Wikipedia. I had to look that up. I'm curious how many people understood the full reference in the title, especially since these comics are aimed at kids too young to be allowed on the internet.

This is a very simple story about Iroh in his tea-shop in Ba Sing Se. He has an assistant/waitress named Feng, a new character who wears glasses, ruining the hopes and dreams of all the fanfic-writers who were so sure he'd rescue Jin from the Lower Ring. A frequent patron of the tea shop is an elegant, older lady (very clearly Upper Ring material) named Li-Mei, who cannot go a single panel without giving Iroh a HEY BIG BOY look. She is very clearly smitten. Also, I feel the need to clarify that she knows his name is Iroh, so apparently Ba Sing Se is okay with the Dragon of the West serving tea to their wealthy. I don't say that as a criticism, I'm just noting it.

That night, Iroh meets up with his friends- the Pokemon-style spirits that we saw in Legend of Korra. (I don't know if they're the actual spirits from LoK, or just new spirits in the same style. This is because I would sooner grind matcha into my eyes than rewatch Book Spirits.) He serves them his special blend of tea and talks about how he's totally into Li-Mei but isn't going to pursue it because he's feeling old and doesn't want to take a risk. At this point, I could stop describing the plot because between the title and what I've said so far, I'm sure you could figure out every single plot beat that will follow.

The next day, the spirits trip Feng so that she drops Li-Mei's tea and Iroh needs to bring a replacement, and they've drawn hearts on top of the replacement tea with foam or sugar or milk or whatever. I don't know because I've never bought tea in a place that will even put the bag in the hot water for me. Iroh gets out of the situation without starting any love-affairs and runs into the back to tell the spirits to knock it off, dudes, they're totally embarrassing him! The spirits respond by giving him a flyer for a romantic restaurant. I don't know how they got it, so I can only assume that some Upper Ringer had their mail diverted.

Iroh refuses, so when Li-Mei orders more tea and he brings it to her, the spirits hover just out of her sight and threaten to smash the furniture. I am not making that up. They literally threaten to smash Iroh's furniture unless he asks the lady out. He submits to their tyrannical threats, Li-Mei happily accepts the date, he happily accepts her acceptance, and the story comes to a close. Iroh thanks his spirits friends for opening him up to new experience, but hopes that next time (so I guess Iroh is signing up for Tinder after this?) they won't threaten his shop.

At best, I can describe this story as 'harmless.' But it's been a long week and I just got a bunch more extra work at my day job that I really don't want to do, so I'm going to go ahead and call this story 'dumb.' It's rote, leans towards humor without actually being funny at all, and turns the spirits of the setting into Pokemon. And not even the cool dragon kind.

The art is strangely stiff. The coloring is soft and nice, but the drawings seems more 'assembled' than actually drawn. I swear there are even a few panels that reminded me of 'How I Became Yours' with janky poses, horrifying expressions, and just enough resemblance to the original cartoon to make me think a screenshot was partially traced and then ruined. (I'm not accusing the artist of tracing, BTW. I wouldn't even condemn the artist for tracing if they did. I'm just describing that HIBY feeling I got.) It was so stiff that rather than hear Iroh's dialogue in Mako's rich tones, I instead imagined Greg Baldwin doing a stiff Mako-impression with no naturalism to the delivery.

This story is definitely worthy of its "Also Featuring" billing. I'd rate it below Gene Yang's Mai and Suki FCBD short stories, but above everything else he wrote for Avatar.

So there you go. Overall, this is very middle-of-the-pack for Avatar FCBD stuff. It's very much of the nature of the 'Team Avatar Tales' stuff, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Iroh story was a leftover from that project. On Free Comic Book Day, you often get what you pay for.

[beetlegoose01]

stolen whispers: chapter 1

AN: this fic isn’t a request, it’s a story i’ve been preparing for a lil while and I’m so excited to share this with you all <3

I’ll link it on my Archive if you prefer to read it there. Also warning, there’s quite a few OCs.

Time: 2028 (Scorbus have been married for two years)

Summary: When a new generation of Death Eaters kidnap Scorpius, Albus and Rose put aside their differences to rescue him.

TW: Kidnapping/Language/minor violence

~~~~

Two witches wearing shadowy black robes entered the tavern, finding a table near the back. They ordered their mead, waiting for their third partner impatiently. It was a crowded area, so thankfully there was a small chance they would be overheard.

"We don't want more mead." The first woman growled, tapping her long nails at the table. The bartender, a tall man with a mustache put the drinks down.

"I didn't think so." He lips curled into a grin as he morphed into a younger man with wild dusty brown hair, wearing matching robes. He was handsome, but had an eerie presence to him. Any reasonable person would have at least flinched at the transformation, though neither witch did. "Hello ladies." He grinned cheekily.

"Soren, enough playing games." The second woman said, though she was smirking.

Soren barked out a laugh. "It was funny, Mara. And you know it."

The first woman, Lilith narrowed her eyes. She pulled down her hood, revealing cascading inky black hair down her shoulders. A scar that showed no sign of mending was down her cheek. "Your skills are impressive, but useless if you don't use them for our own gain. Don't forget that." She pulled her hood back.

"Understood." He murmured, taking a seat.

"We have much to discuss," She continued, flicking her wand idly. "Our current plan in action. Our...act of revenge. It's been thirty years since The Tenebris was wrongfully killed. I am sick and tired of his name being tossed around in history like he was some monster. He was on the right side."

"Are you certain we want to call the Dark Lord that?" Mara asked suspiciously.

"Shh! You know if anyone hears us, they'll lock us up for good. For speaking our minds." Lilith said. "It's safer we call him by his code name."

Her companions nodded.

"Because of his loss, we have mudbloods in positions of power. Our siblings that fought for his cause are locked up. Or worse, dead."

Mara and Soren looked grim.

"If we had more allies, perhaps we would have had a chance." Soren noted. "We weren't even alive then but...I have a feeling if we were..."

"Just because we weren't alive then, doesn't mean we don't have opinions over the lives stolen!" Mara argued. "That damn Harry Potter."

"Correct. And Soren is right too. For once. If we had more allies, or better yet...certain allies didn't betray us. The Malfoys for instance." She took a sip of her drink.

"Are you suggesting something?" Mara asked.

"Of course I am, don't be so daft." Lilian said, deadly calm. "I want to make that family suffer for what they did. My uncle Vincent Crabbe died for their selfishness. Draco Malfoy had a chance to save him, and he refused like the coward he is. His mother Narcissa lied to Tenebris' face. They are backstabbing filth that besmirched the Sacred 28. No, it isn't just about their betrayal or avenging those we lost in the war. Think of the big picture. They have the capabilities to join our side. To...respawn a new generation of Death Eaters. But that's not all...

"The Malfoys have lots of gold." She drawled. "Surely, they'll spare a few for us in exchange for something important. Or rather...someone."

"Someone?" Soren paused. "What are you suggesting?"

"Regretfully, Astoria Malfoy has passed on." Mara didn't sound the least bit sympathetic, instead stated it blandly. "So using her as a ransom for Draco is a no go."

"Ah, but there is still someone left." Lillian said, removing a small photograph from her cloak, she slid it across the table.

A young man with platinum hair was pictured, beaming brightly in Healer Robes.

"Scorpius Malfoy."

Soren and Mara exchanged a look of satisfaction.

"Bring him to me."

~~~~~~~~~~

The best thing about mornings, at least to Albus, was waking up beside his husband. The sun's bright rays peaked through the window of their cream colored bedroom, slowly stirring them both awake. If it was up to him, he would stay in their warm bed, arms wrapped around Scorpius until noon.

Scorpius rolled over, so that they were facing each other. His eyes fluttered open, and Albus felt his heart melt at his sapphire eyes.

"Hi." He yawned. His voice was slightly croaky, no doubt from the morning.

Albus replied by nuzzling his nose, then kissed his cheek. "Hi honey."

Scorpius laughed lightly. "Let's get up then. Start the day? It's a Saturday. We have the whole weekend to spend together."

"I'd rather spend it here with you."

Bathilda mewed from the kitchen.

"But our child is hungry." Scorpius teased, stretching as he slid out of bed. Albus begrudgingly slumped after him, not eager to wake up before ten am. But his own stomach was growling too.

"Speaking of children," Albus said, starting to work on their breakfast as Scorpius poured Bathilda's food. "Iris is pregnant again. James told me through a Howler yesterday."

"Really?" Scorpius' eyes widened. "That's great news!"

"Yeah, not for my ears." He commented dryly, still traumatized by James' excited screeching in his ear. "Baby number three." He whistled. "Do you think they're trying to make an entire quidditch team? With Teddy and Vic's lot included, they're on their way."

Though he was joking, Scorpius noticed that Albus was glowing, happy for his brother and sister in law. That was one of the many reasons he loved Albus. His love for his siblings.

"Perhaps. When are they due?"

"September. Which means...that's where they scurried off to last Christmas party." Albus quipped. "To have a little fun."

"Albus!" Scorpius scolded. "Honestly, only you would make a beautiful moment gross."

"It's life, Scorp!" He chuckled. "You're a Healer, you should know these things."

"We'll have to visit. Maybe bring a gift basket to congratulate them." He mused, smiling fondly. "I can't wait to meet our new niece or nephew." There was a wistful look in his eye that Albus caught.

"You've got that look on your face." He noted, amused. He served the plates of bacon sandwiches on the table.

"What do you mean?"

"That Scorpius 'I want something but I'm not going to spell it out for you' face."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." Albus said, forest green eyes brightening in amusement. "What's up?" He took a seat, tucking into breakfast.

"Well," Scorpius started, staring at his food. "I was thinking..." He stopped himself, hesitant to continue his train of thoughts.

"Yeah?" Albus nudged him gently.

"I want a child." He said, his voice quiet, but firm. "I love my nieces and nephews so much, but they aren't...ours. I want to start a family with you, Albus. Raise a little one of our own to be bright and wonderful and brave and..."

Albus' expression softened. "I do too. You know I do, Scorpius. It's just...difficult right now." He stared at his wedding band. "You know it's harder for us than any hetero couple." He waved his hand vaguely. "Adoption is hard, surrogacy is expensive. Maybe once we settled into our careers more, we can talk about it."

"I think we're ready to go beyond just talking about it, Al."

"We're still young. We've still got time. But...I definitely want to work it out. Somehow, we will. We always do."

Scorpius beamed, reaching to kiss Albus' knuckle. "Thank you." He sat up abruptly. "Oh, I almost forgot- it's the farmer's market today."

Albus snorted. "You're exactly like your dad, you know?"

"Yes yes yes, but we should go!" Scorpius said, levitating the plates to the sink and it automatically was clean due to the floating sponges.

"We? I've got some work to do. I'm not very fond of small talk with old people selling fruit."

"Al, it's really good fruit." Scorpius said seriously. "And it's not all old people. I've seen some of our old schoolmates there."

Albus cringed. "That's even worse."

"Don't be so dramatic. Are you still coming?"

"Mm, but I should really finish this article. Go on without me."

"If you're sure...do you want me to bring anything back?"

Albus thought for a moment. "Those strawberries Ms. Beaker sells. Please? Strawberries and cream sounds so good right now."

"Brilliant, I'm on it." Scorpius did a mock salute.

"Have fun." Al waved as Scorpius appatered, leaving the kitchen empty. Albus went straight to work on his article.

~•~

The market was lively and merry, despite the early hour. Scorpius had stopped by the strawberry stand first, in case he forgot.

Ever since they had moved two years ago, Scorpius had found himself drawn to the quaint farmer's market. Not because of the delicious, fresh food, but to socialize. He made quite a few friends with the muggles who lived around there...mostly old ladies. The early days of their marriage, Albus would join him. Before life got in the way, and work had to be done.

Not that he wasn't busy himself. He only had two days off as a Healer, sometimes less. He didn't know how they would manage childcare, but like Al had said, it was best not to dwell on the future.

"Scorpius? Is that you?"

He turned around, following the voice from behind him. "Polly ...Chapman?" He uttered blandly, praying he wasn't mistaken. He didn't have the best memory- even with old schoolmates who bullied him.

"Yep." Polly said, laughing lightly. "It's me. Been a while."

"It has." Scorpius shifted his weight. "How are things?"

"Great!" She smiled, swishing her blonde ponytail, the same air of confidence from when she was a teenager. "Yann and I are engaged."

"Oh! That's wonderful." Scorpius said, pretending to sound pleased. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you. I proposed to them last month. It was just as I had dreamed."

"How is...Yann?" Scorpius did not actually care how Yann was.

"They're good! Brilliant actually, since they passed Auror training." Polly looked genuinely proud of them, which he had to admit was adorable. "Are you and Albus still..."

"Yes, yes. We um, er- we've been married almost two years actually." He added.

"Aw, that's very sweet. You two were always very close, yeah?" Polly looked at him, and Scorpius nearly walked backwards, intimidated by her stance. She still was extremely scary, like a lioness but with a great sense of fashion. "I know...Yann, Karl and I weren't the best to you two but perhaps we could..." She trailed off. "I'd like you both to come. To the wedding. If you'd like."

That...wasn't what he was expecting. He half expected her to invite him to another Blood Ball.

"Pardon?" Scorpius asked, dumbfounded. "I mean- yeah, that sounds great! Fun! Yes. That sounds nice. I'll bring it up to Al."

Polly was glowing. "Brill! I've got to go, but we should all hang out sometime. Like old times."

Like old times? Scorpius thought. When did they ever hang out?

Nodding mutely, he walked away from Polly with a puzzled, but cheerful expression. He hadn't completely fucked up the conversation, which was always a plus. It still felt odd that Polly Chapman of all people was talking to him, let alone inviting him to her wedding. It was bizarre.

He passed the final vendor, and was surprised and amused to see a tiny girl, no more than seven standing behind it. She had a Brownie uniform on, bright rosy cheeks and pigtails included.

"Would you like a biscuit?" She squealed.

It had taken him a moment to respond, he was still thinking of Polly being kind to him "Oh erm- of course." It was impossible to say no to an adorable small child. He reached for some muggle money, handing her the pound notes. "Just the one box please."

"Okie dokie!" She said, handing him the box. She waited a moment, pouting. "Go on, try it." She urged.

"I really shouldn't I-"

"Please?" The little girl gave him the most pitiful expression. "It's for a good cause, mister. We're helping orphaned puppies find homes."

"Well, alright. For the puppies." He fumbled open the box, taking a polite bite out of the cookie. It was a classic lemon cookie with powdered sugar, one of his favorites. But the second he swallowed, he felt dizzy all of a sudden. "What..." He stumbled back. "Oh my," He gulped, the entire market swirling around him. Something wasn’t right. "is there something in..." 

He would be damned if he let this happen without some sort of fight. Throwing his basket aside, he collapsed, slipping into unconsciousness.

"We've got him."