#I just feel like everyone I know who's aspec and likes romance is super into enemies to lovers

[glimblshanks]

Okay I have to ask-

[metalandmagi]

The differences in Aspec representation

(and why variety is important) I didn't know what to title this, but since it's pride month, I wanted to talk about two books that I just read and the different approaches they take to aspec representation....mainly because no one I know would read these and I just wanted to talk about them lol

Book 1: Attached at the Hip by Christine Riccio.

This is a New Adult romcom where our main character, an extremely co-dependent 23 year old woman named Orie competes in a Survivor type reality TV show to prove to her family that she is totally not co-dependent (and you know, to win the prize money and stuff).

This book is what I like to call "accidental" or "sneaky" aspec rep. What the fuck does that mean, you ask? I call it that because the author includes a scene in the book where Orie is talking to another character about her view of romance, and the other character makes the comment that it seems like Orie is demisexual or demiromantic or aspec. And since Orie is not the kind of person who thought to ever google her sexuality, we're kind of just left to sit with that. So even though the main character never calls herself demi, the readers know that she is. And more importantly, the themes in this book are so attuned to the aspec experience it's not even funny.

Remember how I said Orie is co-dependent? Well, the main conflict of this book is Orie coming to terms with being able to do things by herself and struggling with the fear that her family and friends will all abandon her one day because she feels like a perpetual burden or third wheel. She wants to find her perfect fairytale romance, but she has a hard time connecting with people that way, so for a while she thinks it's best to stay with her boyfriend that she clearly feels nothing for, just because she feels like she's supposed to. By the end of the book, Orie feels like she must pivot into being able to do EVERYTHING by herself because she might be forced to eventually. Sound familiar? I can't speak for everyone, but this is something most aspec people struggle with their entire lives. Yes allo people can have this fear too, but I feel like it hits us differently. Because the world doesn't treat platonic friendships as importantly as it should, and because we don't view romance or sex the same way as most people, we are left with that fear of exclusion all the time!

This book is the aspec experience, whether the author intended it to be or not, and it actually hit me much harder than I thought it would because I was completely blindsided by it. It's a super funny, heartwarming romcom, especially for fans of Survivor. I loved it because it made me feel even more seen than a coming-of-age grapple with sexuality like Loveless did. And I don't even know if it was on purpose. I've followed Christine Riccio for a very long time, and idk if she is some form of demi, but her characters and themes (even in her other books) make it seem that way.

Book 2: Aces Wild by Amanda Dewitt.

As you can probably guess, this book is completely, unapologetically ace in its representation. The plot revolves around a group of aspec teenagers who rob a casino in Vegas. Which means that yes, it's basically a modern AU Six of Crows fanfic where the author wondered, "What if Kaz Brekker grew up as the rich heir to a casino empire?"

I promise I don't mean that like an insult, because I actually liked the book a fair bit, especially the writing style. It's hilarious and fast paced, and as someone who is extremely familiar with casinos, this is the kind of book that makes me angry because I should have written it first.

The thing about this book compared to Attached At The Hip is the fact that the characters are aspec is completely irrelevant to the story. AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY! AUTHORS DO NOT OWE IT TO PEOPLE TO MAKE EVERY QUEER STORY A COMING-OF-AGE STRUGGLE WITH SEXUALITY! This book is a fun romp, and the fact that the characters are aspec doesn't really make a difference to anything at all. The main character still has a crush, and there is still romance just like any typical YA romcom. HOWEVER, my only real problem with this book stems from the side characters feeling like cardboard cutouts with no reason to feel like they're all friends. Their interactions aren't bad, but the book relies on the fact that our main group is all aspec to convince the audience why they're friends. We get a little bit of backstory about how they're all nerds who met in a chat room, but not much depth to them. There are too many side characters and too few pages for anyone (except the main character) to feel fleshed out. It's because of this that it feels like the aspec rep is sort of...an afterthought. I don't know if the author is aspec (and it shouldn't matter either way) but I don't like it when characters (especially ace characters) feel like afterthoughts. We get enough of that in real life.

But that doesn't change the fact that this is the only book I've read (or media I've encountered in general) where the majority of the characters are aspec. It's a hilarious good time, and this type of low stakes representation is just as important! It's important to show that aspec people exist without needing to fit a "coming to terms with your sexuality" kind of narrative.

So yeah, this was just my excuse to get my thoughts in order, and to try and convince people to read these 😅

[providing-leverage]

The A-Team

(asexaul and aromantic Ted Lasso fic recs)

Let's be honest, half the reason for this post is the title. But also to shine some light on a couple beautiful fics I've found with aro and ace characters in this fandom. The purple heart indicates ace, green indicates aro content.

A is for Ally by starryeyedknight 3.8k💜

When Richard suggests a novel way for the Richmond boys to show their allyship, Colin ends up coming out to the team...just not in the way they were expecting.

In which the team gets distracted (multiple times), Isaac is overprotective, Jamie suspects Colin might actually be a Jedi knight, and Bumbercatch reveals way more about his sexual preferences than anyone was expecting. (And poor Will is inadvertently scarred for life.)

A cute little fic that I found perusing the asexual tag. I really enjoyed this au, and Colin's coming out/the guy's reactions to him as well as him not having it all figured out himself.

Love Stuck by @altschmerzes 6k 💚

When Keeley opens the door, Jamie bypasses any kind of perhaps typically-expected greeting. While this isn’t exactly unusual for him, what he says is.

“I’ve got great news,” he tells her, smiling like he really does have great news, which helps to somewhat offset the sense of foreboding she’d been starting to feel. “I am not in love with you. Can I come in?"

OR: Jamie Tartt is aromantic. This changes everything. This also changes nothing. A study in identity, defining your own relationships, and different kinds of love.

I am completely in love with this fic. Jamie having a bi panic before he realizes actually, neither is good/ref. It's very true to my own experiences and made me relate to him so much.

Such a Skeptic: or, Keeley Jones is Bad at Communication by ellarree 800💚

Keeley Jones is definitely not bitter about Shandy. Barbara is definitely interested in double dates and the institution of romance as a whole. Jamie Tartt definitely knows why he’s here. And Jack Danvers? Well, she knows that none of those three statements are true.

A short sequel to the above fic, with aromantic bonding and Barbara who quite honestly deserves so much more screen time in cannon. It has it's own sequel which you can find here.

A Simple Matter of (Mis)Communication by starryeyedknight 3k💜

For the past few weeks Moe Bumbercatch and Jan Maas have been spending an awful lot of time together, and everyone knows what that means. Everyone, apparently, except for Moe Bumbercatch himself...

Apparently I just need to binge read this author's whole collection of works because I didn't realize they also write A is for Ally until making this. Asexual Jan Mass which again I found myself relating to a lot. Technically part of a series and his asexuality was mentioned in the first work, but it's central to the plot of this one. It's also super cute.

Self rec: it's a rather touching notion by providing_leverage 5.7k 💜💚

“I won’t beat around the bush. We think you might be bisexual. You familiar with it?” A friendly team game of spin the bottle ends in a few revelations, some quicker than others. (AKA Moe Bumbercatch going through the unofficial aroace right of passage: adding no real attraction to men with no real attraction to women and coming up with bisexual, with a little help from his friends)

I really enjoyed writing this, even if the last 2k was just a fight against myself. It went through so many different versions and ended longer than I meant for it to be. I really neat part of the Ted Lasso fandom is how platonic so much of the content is.

If you've got any aspec recommendations of your own, please drop them here or tag me. Self recs are absolutely invited. Happy pride!

[aroaessidhe]

Hi so!!! Sorry if this is a really impossibly ambiguous and vague request, but I just had to ask for recommendations. I've really struggled to find aro/ace fiction I relate to, because almost all that I've read fit into one of 2 characters: fantasy story where the character is only incidentally a-spec and it doesn't seem to affect them at all, or extremely 'realistic' modern contemporary fiction where everyone's super neurotypical and comfortable with themselves. Do you know of any aro/ace (1/2)

books that go for a more... artistic tone, if that makes sense? Really sorta trying to think about what it means to be aspec, and how it affects your life, and create something really emotional with that? Because that's what I'm really missing, and what makes me feel so lonely as an aro/ace. For example, I really enjoyed Loveless, vol 2 of the Jughead revival, and Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman. And... that's sorta it. I want an aroaceness that is weird but Meaningful, I guess??? Maybe...?;;;

Hi! I will try my best!

I guess I sort of know what you mean about being 'artistic' but am not sure if there's much that truly fits that - some that are introspective about being aroace, maybe not so much on the weird side though. (I agree that we're severely lacking in deep complex books About being aroace)

To be quite honest the very first thing that comes to mind is Koisenu Futari, which is not a book* - it's a jdrama about two aroaces deciding to live together and how being aroace affects their lives, and finding their passions in life. absolute comfort show, have watched multiple times, obsessed w it. (*well, it it originally a book but isn't translated to eng)

Am thinking more in the aro/aroace direction here, as there are definitely a bunch of ace books that go into detail a lot about how being ace affects their life - but it's often in relation to dating, which I assume you're not looking for. Most of these are still like, aspec-ness is just one of the aspects of the narrative, not the sole focus unfortunately

Mostly-contemporary stories, that deal with amatonormativity/aroace experiences:

Other People's Butterflies - this is similar to Loveless imo, in terms of being about a teen figuring out she's aroace

We Go Forward - novella about two young women who meet travelling in europe and become friends, one is aroace [this is free to read]

The Rhythm of My Soul - YA about two aroace dancers wanting to get into a prestigious romantic-ballet company; goes into their experiences of both figuring out their sexuality and experiences quite a bit. a bit of a thriller with a lot of ballet-school-drama , and the writing is a little messy imo but I did enjoy some aspects of it

Breasts and Eggs - adult literary fiction, the MC is ace, maybe arospec? (there is a bit of an almost-romance in one section) while it doesn't go deep into directly addressing aspec experiences, a lot of it is about the MC considering donor conception, and people not liking that she wants to have a child without having a partner, and similar experiences of womanhood/motherhood while not being interested in sex/relationships. I have mixed feelings about some aspects but it may be the closest to what you're looking for!

Summer Bird Blue - the main focus of the plot is family and grief, but part of the MCs journey is questioning if she's aroace

Funeral Girl - the MC is ace (and implied aro), her main journey is dealing with her extreme anxiety about death and the future, and while her being aspec is not really a focus, it feeds into that a little and is brought up from time to time. (this book emotionally destroyed me a bit lol)

Every Bird A Prince - this is middle grade, so it's focused more on the tween self-discovery side of being aro and amatonormativity, but I really loved it. (about half the plot is this, half is fantasy-ish)

Goddess Of The Hunt - this is a poetry collection about an aroace Artemis. obviously not super comprehensive since it's short and poetry but might be of interest! (it's been a while since I read it)

a few fantasy/genre books with aro characters that talk about aro experiences more than average, though of course it's still not the focus of the plot:

Fire Becomes Her - has a demiromantic MC who's getting out of a relationship and finds a QPR, so there's some discussion of aro experiences in the narrative

Royal Rescue - fantasy story with a tower-rescue matchmaking system that the aroace MC is forced into, but escapes and dismantles the system, so his experiences with amatonormativity are at the forefront (if a little dramatised)

The Grimrose Girls - contemporary fantasy, one of the 4 MCs is aroace and her storyline deals with her experiences and how it effects her, moreso in the negative so far (which I actually like, because as you've said so many books just have it incidentally mentioned)

Baker Thief - one of the two MCs is aro bi, and they get in a qpr with the other MC, so there's some exploration of identity there. there's other aro characters too. (see also the author's City of Spires series, which is high fantasy & has various aspec characters discussing their identities and life)

Not Even Bones (trilogy) - they never self-identify as aroacespec, but both MCs clearly are by book 3. it seems like they get together in book 2 but in the 3rd they're both like, actually lol I'm not attracted to you like that, I've just never been able to have a friend I care about this much before, lets stay together as friends, and talk a bunch about amatonormativity

there's definitely a bunch more of this kind of thing but my memory is hazy as to how much things are explored, and it's probably not quite what you're looking for, but hey!

hopefully there's something here that seems like it might be of interest! and if anyone else has suggestions please add, I'm not great at remembering fine details of how identity is explored and discussed if it's been years since I've read it

[anesica]

Dear past me,

Hello! I reckon life must be very confusing right now. Always getting uncomfortable to the point of crying whenever you get shipped with a classmate, but not knowing the reason why... Feeling super humiliated because while a lot of people don't appreciate getting shipped randomly, no one else cried non-stop from the start of the class until it's time to go home? Add in your shyness, and it becomes so, so embarassing. Even your guardian has stopped getting worried if they find you crying when they pick you up from school. They will immediately understand that you cried from the exact same reason again.

After that, the years your friends develop romantic interest in other people will begin. Having been raised to prioritize academics over romantic life, you will consider yourself as a model student, and sadly end up looking down on other kids. You openly state your opinions on how ridiculous crushes and dating are. You never respond compassionately whenever your friends come vent to you regarding romantic stuff.

Eventually, they drifted away. Without you knowing why. And it will hurt.

Slowly, you become friends with people who do enjoy romantic stuff, but don't shove it into your face. Slowly, you also learn that you're the odd one out for not feeling romantic attraction nor interest in romantic stuff. Slowly, you learn to co-exist in peace. You learn that people cannot help feeling romantic attraction, and desire to date, and heartbreaks, and that it doesn't mean they're immature or not thinking about the future. You learn to accept that, maybe, maybe you're different. And that's okay! Being different doesn't mean one of you is superior—you're just different! And both are good in their own way!

And one day... you discover the word 'aromantic'.

Aromantic

adjective | ˌā-rō-ˈman-tik

Feeling little to no romantic attraction towards others; or experiencing romantic attraction in a non-normative way.

The day you find that word will be life-changing. It will open up a whole new world for you to explore. It will teach you many, many new perspectives regarding romantic love. You start to ponder about how you feel regarding romance, because discovering aromanticism will teach you that every single person is free to feel however they want regarding romance. It's okay to love it, it's okay to hate it, it's okay to be neutral. All that matters is that you respect others' stances and boundaries, and not force your boundaries unto someone else!

Your journey into the aromanticism spectrum will also bring you to a community. This community isn't only filled by aromantic people—who are already diverse enough—but also with other a-spectrum (aspec) people. There are asexuals, aplatonics, and many others! Each one will hold different preferences and views regarding attraction. Your time there will teach you that it's okay to be uncomfortable with romance being forced at you! It doesn't mean you're no fun! It's okay to have boundaries, and it's okay if you're different from your peers!

Eventually, you will feel secure enough in your aversion towards romance. Once you feel secure enough, ironically, it will become so much easier to respect people who do feel romantic attraction (called alloromantics). How so? Well, the community believes that everyone is free to surround themselves with as much or as little romantic stuff as they want. It should be an individual's basic right, and nobody has the right to shame others. After grasping this basic fact, and knowing that there are alloromantics who will respect your dislike for romance and won't force you to date someone... It also becomes so much easier to respect them. How do I say it... Knowing they preach what they say about not breaking others' boundaries will make it easier to appreciate their right to like romance! It's embracing the fact that you not liking romance doesn't mean you're allowed to mock others for prioritizing romance, and others liking romance doesn't mean they have the right to mock you for being uncomfortable with romance.

Another important thing that you will learn is that it's okay to dislike romance in real life but still liking romantic media! Enjoying romantic fiction doesn't make you a hypocrite—it's perfectly allowed! Of course there are aromantics who also dislike romantic media, but it doesn't mean you have to prove the validity of your aromanticism by pretending to dislike romantic media, too! Each aromantics are different individuals, so of course each person will have different preferences regarding fiction, and that's okay!

All in all, to me ten years in the past,

I hope I can show myself to you and show you how much I've grown comfortable with my orientation. I'm not gonna say you will always hold a perfect mindset regarding romance, because you will indeed hurt your friends by looking down on their romantic life. But what I can promise you is that an open minded community will welcome you and slowly help you unlearn the harmful mindsets. You will grow up into someone who's respectful of all orientations. You will be able to feel proud about your aromanticism without resorting to bad-mouthing alloromantics. It won't be an easy journey, but you got this. And the long journey will all be worth it!

From me, ten years in the future 💚

[daedalusdavinci]

karkat vantas!!!!

send me a character and ill answer

1: sexuality headcanon

LISTEN TO ME listen to me listen. he falls a little bit in love with everyone he meets but romance is confusing and crushes are vague and difficult to understand and its so hard to pin down exactly how he feels beyond that he CARES and he LOVES nad theres a LOT and sex is just a vehicle for intimacy to him all that matters is how fucking much he cares about his friends okay do you understand me karkat is so full of love and he is so aspec adn i understand this intimately my knowledge is absolute and i can explain none of it

also hes trans <3

2: otp

we all know its dvekat we all know. but i do love a good eridan<>karkat

3: brotp

its the exact same answer as above. its exactly the same. the aspec. the layers. do you understand how entrenched we are in this shit? its you and me now, were in this together, im holding your face in my hands right now and you are nodding

4: notp

heres how jhnkat can still fucking lose

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

hes adhd hes so adhd i know everything ok hsusie told me this himself

6: favorite line from this character

the "I HOPE HE'S OKAY." makes me cry like a little bitch every single time. but also "I THINK I SPEAK FOR KANAYA WHEN I SAY THAT SOUNDS Really Fucking Super" is one i think about often

7: one way in which I relate to this character

unfortunately, we are the same person. and i hate that for me. and that only makes me more karkat than ever. how dont i relate to him

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

everything. i hate and love him so goddamn much

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

karkat vantas is like the only character in homestuck who never killed anyone and i dont think we talk about that enough. cinnamon roll. argue with your mom

[loosescrewslefty]

Can I just say that I'm not only grateful for the fact that Lilith IS Aspec, but for how the crew and Cissy Jones handled that revelation in Lilith's letter?

While we know that the Boiling Isles are free of sexual and gender-identity related discrimination, there is still a unique problem of asexuality in an allo world where you feel like you just don't fit in. Gwendolyn and Lilith's friends and coworkers are all super invested in her supposed romance, and don't understand why she wouldn't take interest in something like that. Them pushing her to put herself out there or accept romantic advances made at her comes from a place of love- they want her to be happy and feel loved and cherished- but it also makes Lilith uncomfortable because the relationships that they're encouraging her to partake in are not what SHE wants for herself, or something she's ever taken an interest in. She knows that they don't mean anything malicious on their actions, but it still puts Lilith in a position where she's confused and upset and feels like she's different than those around her, and that is so relatable to the experience of being asexual. Constantly having to defend yourself and try to convinced worried loved ones that you are happy and fulfilled with your family/friends/career and don't want or need a romantic relationship, and them not understanding of just thinking that you haven't met the right person yet and one day a magical someone will come and light a fire in your soul.

I also really appreciate that Lilith is an ADULT going through this. I remember I started questioning my sexuality when I was in my early twenties, because that was about the time it finally sank in that even though other men and women expressed interest in me romantically or sexually, I just wasn't comfortable with that and didn't want that sort of relationship from anybody. It was pure happenstance that I stumbled upon an art meme talking about asexuality- a term I hadn't heard of before that point- and googled it out of both idle curiosity and a desire to further educate myself. And I nearly cried as I fell down the rabbit hole of that reading because finally, FINALLY I understood why I was different from everyone around me. I had a word for what made me the way I was, and there were others that were like me as well, so I wasn't alone anymore.

For Lilith, I'm willing to bet that her fixation on Eda's curse and fixing her mistake and responsibilities as the head of the Emperor's Coven kept her from thinking too long or too hard about her own sexuality. But now that both issues are off the table and she's more focused on herself and her issues, it's finally at the forefront of her mind and it's bothering her. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that Lilith is a grown woman going through this, who know how the world works and sees how other people's relationships blossom and realizes that that's not something she wants or needs in her life. I appreciate that Lilith is never portrayed as emotionless or less human. She's clearly a loving and affectionate witch, but romantic love just isn't something she has any sort of interest in. For her, familial bonds and platonic relationships are the relationships that matter, and she just isn't interested in becoming romantically entangled with anyone.

As an adult asexual, this is the sort of representation I desperately wish I had gotten when I was younger. It could have helped me figure myself out sooner, and saved me from years of feeling like I was broken and wondering what was wrong with me because I was different from everyone else. But I am so grateful to the Owl House crew for giving this to the children growing up with this show, and potentially saving them from that pain and self-loathing.

I am so, SO grateful for Lilith Clawthorne being a canonical Aspec character in a children's show.

[aroaceconfessions]

I think it's important for everyone here to know this, especially since I noticed a lot of you seem to be pretty young.

Friendships can be abusive too. We are told about toxic relationships but it's so often linked to romance that this is something less talked about but friends can screw up your mind the same way.

I had a "friend" in high school. He was way older than me (like 7 years) so it was already not that safe but he was super abusive. He would tell me that he was not interested in having a romance with anyone and since I was not either, I felt heard and comfy. But he was jealous just like an abusive boyfriend would be. He once got super angry at me for talking to another one of my friends online while he was sleeping and I was found crying by my irl best friend. He threatened my friends and slowly made me isolate myself from anyone. He goy pissed if I didn't text him every hour. He would lower my self-esteem more and more everyday with phrases that I still have running through my head twelve years later. One in particular "if you like this song don't ruin it" comes back a lot when I'm singing, even if it's just for myself.

He was my friend, or so I thought. And he did a lot of other things that I will not mention here because they are still traumatizing and I don't want it to be tagged with triggering things that could make people miss this but please, stay safe. Abusers are not just romantic partners and as aspec, we can sometimes feel isolated and become very vulnerable to people who pretend to be our friends. Never let your boundaries be stepped on by someone just because they're your friend. Real friends respect you. Real friends are human and can make mistakes, sure, but they will not abuse you and tear your mind appart.

You all deserve the best. Whether you want friends, qpr, romantic partners, please my fellow arospec and acespec, stay safe. A little loneliness is better than an abuser and you can find real friends and people who will care about you.

[thatpinkbetch]

This is gonna be so self indulgent, but...

Aspec bkdk, with ace Bakugou and demi Midoriya.

Bakugou growing up thinking everyone was so easily distracted by sex and romance, and he wouldnt let that shit get in the way of him becoming the greatest hero ever. His feelings for Midoriya have ALWAYS confused him, because there was never any physical attraction there, and he could just tell it was never the same as the crushes everyone else around him had. The confusion only adds to his frustration - Deku is supposed to be a pebble in the road, why is he so special?

And Midoriya, never being able to tear his eyes away from Bakugou. Everyone makes fun of him for being quirkless as hes growing up, but it somehow hurts so much more when Kacchan does it. Becoming an adolescent, going into high school, the idea of sex and stuff becomes more prominent, but hes so shy! He gets flustered a lot! But then him and Kacchan get over everything, and theres actually...an opportunity for them to be close? He can...be close to Kacchan? And the closer he gets, the brighter Kacchan shines. And the older he gets, the more his heart flutters 😳😳 he may have been flustered many times, but no one has made him want to move, to reach out and connect, like Kacchan does....

And Bakugou, getting into high school, well hes got a lot of feelings he needs to sort through, a lot that doesnt make sense when he looks around himself. Once his world perception first breaks, then everything else seems to be breaking. Everyone else around him is so different, so earnest about the things they want, and by now he should have wanted the same things they do too, right? But he doesnt. He gains friends and trust and hope and drive, but he still feels lonely, isolated. And when he finally gets over his internal obstacles, and he realizes that Deku looks up to him, and that hes been forcing himself to hate Deku because its easier than caring for a self-destructive idiot, he starts to realize just how much hes held back. Is his heart supposed to be twisting like that? This stupid fucker, so damn fucking special. Always has been...

Talking with Kaminari and Kirishima, well, he cant hide how important Deku is to him, not from his closest friends. And Kaminari teases him about his crush, but Bakugou is irritated, like "thats not fucking it! I don't want that from him..." Neither of them believe him, Kaminari looking smug, Kirishima sympathetic, but he knew they wouldnt understand.

But thats the catalyst. Its a slow realization, it happens over time, just pondering at first. But maybe...it is a crush? But...crushes make you want to do things...things he doesnt really want. But the more he thinks about it...and Deku...the more he blushes as hes falling asleep in bed, imagining it all 😖😖

Needless to say, hes super in love with Deku. And its really hard to figure out as a teenager, so he doesn't. He figures it out when they're a little older, out of high school. Hes more confidant in himself, though figuring himself out is still an ongoing process.

Well, anyway, Midoriya is also rather confidant in himself, having learned self worth and that he deserves happiness, and he confesses to the one person hes ever loved, and holy shit, Kacchan loves him back. What happens now? Well, they find out that the other...is just like them. And honestly Midoriya cries, and Bakugou comes really fucking close. Its such a relief to know theres no pressure. And maybe as they get older and find more comfort in their bodies and their relationship, theyre willing to try things, but in the end, theyre simply content knowing that they are the others person, that no matter where they live and who they meet, they are each others home 💖💖💖

No ace experiences are the same of course!! This is just heavily based on mine 😅😅

[epitheterasedgen]

heck it. self-indulgence time.

✨EE aspec headcanons✨

(obviously, romance mentions below! a few of the characters are Token Allos (TM))

Molly: the aroace kid who's always like "yeah I don't really get romance but I guess I'll get it when I'm older" and keeps saying that until she's almost 30 and finally someone's like "wow you've never dated before?! are you aro/ace?" and she's like "oh huh I guess I probably am" and then it's never a big deal again

she's also super grossed out by the concept of sex, even well into adulthood, which is Yet Another Reason why it is absolutely perfect for Percy to adopt her because it's just a topic that Never comes up in their household

Sylvie: honestly the only character I don't have a solid grasp on in terms of attraction, though I HC swap!Sylvie as alloaro so I guess canon Sylvie is probably the same, it's just not relevant yet since he's young and a late bloomer in terms of hormones. plus he's just focused on his work more than anything else

Gio: I fear what Jello is going to do to him in the future, bc this boy gives off the MOST oblivious aromantic vibes EVER and I know Jello's track record. but listen idc what happens in canon, Giovanni's dream future is to live with all his Boys as platonic housemates and he has no idea he's aro because romance literally isn't something he even THINKS about. he's probably also ace with the same reasoning

Mera: my Token Allo (TM). she's a die-hard hopeless romantic and moronsexual, but that's not really headcanon that's just canon I mean cmon—

Indus: it took me a stupidly long time to realize that my interpretation of Indus is just "romance-positive partnering aro" because that's not a genre I dip into a lot but it sure fits him. he doesn't really! understand romance?? or actually feel "romantic" attraction. but he likes Lady Mera and he'd do anything to make her happy! :D so if she wants him to bring her flowers and a candlelit dinner, he'll do it!! she just better be prepared for him to pick a bunch of dandelion weeds and accidentally set the table on fire

...actually now that I'm typing this out, it explains why Mera/Indus bothers me so much less than other ships aghasdkflgh

Percy: realistically she's just the Oblivious Aroace (TM) along with Giovanni. same as Gio she has no idea she's aroace because it's just not even something she Thinks about, but if someone gave her a vocabulary lesson she'd be like "oh yes that fits me :)" and continue to not perceive romantic advancements even if they hit her in the face. she's already married to JUSTICE, sorry everyone <3

(I portray her as more apothiromantic/romance-repulsed on my RP blog but that's just because projecting onto Percy is cheaper than therapy)

Ramsey: ok highkey my headcanons on Ramsey shift depending on the AU (don't ask how many AUs I have hahaha) but normally he falls somewhere in the range of "allo ally" who Knows All The Terms (from spending so much time online) and is probably the person who gives Percy a vocabulary lesson despite being allo himself

Zora: as much as I'd LOVE to see an aspec Zora, I think she'd look and act a bit different from canon Zora. I swear I didn't mean to make both main antagonists the Token Allos, but they're also the ones most fans want to date so y'know what, whatever. I personally think cowboys are overrated but y'all go crazy

Howie: CANON AROACE KING... specifically I imagine him as anti-romance, not because it repulses him, but because all that time you waste on "love" could be used for DOING YOUR JOB!!! (in a serious setting I'd say Howie isn't ideal aro rep bc he embodies a lot of negative stereotypes about aros, but EE is a comedy and people need to lighten up about the fact that EVERYONE is gonna have weirdly exaggerated personality traits; the show literally wouldn't be funny if they didn't; seriously guys leave Jello alone about the rep)

Meryl: ok she's not in EE but this is MY blog and I pick the comfort characters! anyway Meryl experiences a lot of alterous attraction AKA she has trouble distinguishing between very different forms of attraction (platonic/romantic/sensual/sexual/ect.) and they all just sorta blur together into one big Anxious Mess (TM). as opposed to Percy and Gio, she spends a LOT of time thinking about this and trying to figure out What she's feeling, but it never helps and at this point she's pretty much given up trying. she just needs a hug ok

in various AUs I've put her in romantic, platonic, QPP, and co-parental relationships, and she's pretty much happy with whatever :)

Eros: I feel the need to include him because I included Meryl, also bc while he is allo as heck and has definitely dated in the past, he's also just a super uplifting guy who uses flirting as a form of affection and to make people feel good. he's one of those "somehow weirdly pure" characters because he's so unabashed about everything and most of his flirting is sphallolalia, which is one of my new favorite words I just learned and means "flirting that leads nowhere." he also just has a deep appreciation for a good laugh, and a lot of his joke wells are pickup lines!

[disasterdemi]

This is the demiromantic anon that asked for love advice. I appreciated the meme (I think that's what that was? I'm an 80 year old in a teenage body) but I kind of need advice. He's a close friend - we've been friends for almost 3 years now and I have no idea how he feels and I don't want to wreck our good friendship. Please send help (and more memes, I really liked the one you posted with your message, it made me laugh)

Of course!

Before I say anything else though, a good friendship should be able to survive people catching romantic feelings. Despite what the alloromantics will tell you, friendship and romantic attraction can coexist! People can still be friends even if they have different types of feelings for each other, as long as there's consent and communication about it. (I'll talk more about this towards the end).

Anywho, I wanted this to be somewhat thorough which means it got... rather long. So I'll put the rest under a read more:

I’d suggest doing a few things:

1. Work out what you want

This is a very important first step! We often say attraction ≠ action with regards to orientation (like asexual doesn’t mean celibate, etc) but it goes the other way too. You have a crush on your friend, but it’s completely up to you whether you want to act upon it or not. You can enjoy the feeling of liking someone romantically, but not want to be in a relationship. Or you may decide that you do really want to go out with him. Have a good think about what you actually want to do with these feelings before you initiate any conversations.

Along the same lines, think about your more specific wants and boundaries. Like, do you want to hold hands, or kiss, or call him your boyfriend, etc? But also, what are you not comfortable doing (especially if you end up dating) – for example, I think parts of my romance aversion tend to stick around for a while even after I catch feelings for someone, so I’d want to communicate that to the person (e.g. “I don’t feel comfortable kissing just yet, but hugging and holding hands are okay” or whatever).

2. Work out how he feels

To be honest this is the hardest one to offer advice on because it is so dependent on the people involved. But uhh here are some ideas:

For some people, the best option is to just be frank about it. Like: “Hey, I like you romantically and I’d be interested in [insert stuff from part 1 here] with you.” (Probably not those words exactly haha they’re a bit dispassionate). Maybe also mention that you value your friendship just as much, and that he shouldn’t feel bad if he’s not interested in doing those things. If you feel confident enough and think your friendship is pretty solid - so he wouldn’t freak out if he doesn’t like you back - then this is a good option.

However, it sounds from your ask like that road might be a bit intimidating. Which is totally understandable! In which case, you might want to do some sleuthing first :P

Has he had a crush on anyone while you’ve known him? If so, how did he act around them, how did he talk about them, etc – and is he doing anything like that with you?

Recruit a mutual friend to do some reconnaissance (I’m making this sound way more dramatic than it is haha). If you have someone you trust to do this, then this is probably the least personally risky option? Maybe?

Some people suggest starting to do flirty/romantic things like lingering touches or whatever but I’ll admit that rings my Consent alarm bells, and I feel like it could lead to miscommunication. Up to you though.

NOTE! In my opinion, asking them “Do you have a crush?” Or “Who do you have a crush on?” is probably the least likely to yield usable results. Especially with teenagers. It’s bloody intimidating to confess to your crush if they ask you outright without establishing that they like you first. (Again, why option 1 can be good if you feel confident enough. He’s more likely to admit he reciprocates if you take the first step.)

3. Go about getting what you both want

(if you don't want to change your current friendship/relationship)

If you're happy just chilling in your romantic feelings and not doing anything about them, you can probably either

Continue as you have been

Explain the situation to him. This could help if you want to make sure he understands why you might be behaving differently towards him.

(if he likes you back and you want to change your current relationship with him)

If you go with sleuthing, once you’ve worked out if he likes you I still strongly recommend telling him how you feel (see: 2.1). Communicate communicate communicate. You won’t get want you want if you don’t communicate. Dropping hints is just so rarely successful and can cause a whole lot of miscommunication, so I know it’s scary but if you think he likes you back you’re better of having an open, honest conversation about it.

Then after that, you can go about explaining the stuff you thought about in part 1! If being aspec has taught you anything, hopefully it’s that no two relationships are the same – so talk about what you both want so everyone is consenting and happy! Listen to him as well, and encourage him to think about his wants and boundaries. Maybe even give him a few days to think about them before continuing the conversation.

4. What to do if he doesn’t like you back

You can’t control other people’s feelings. This is so important. Of course, you can be sad if he doesn’t like you back, but remember that it’s not his fault, (it’s also not your fault for catching feelings,) and make sure he knows you are okay with him not returning your feelings! He’ll probably feel bad, so again reiterate that you don’t value a romantic relationship with him any more than your friendship.

Then you should both try to be sensitive to boundaries (probably talk about them if you can):

You might need some time away from him. That’s okay and understandable, but tell him that’s why and that it’s not because you don’t want to be friends anymore.

He might want some space from you. It can be uncomfortable for people to know someone has an unreciprocated crush on them. Maybe he’ll need some time to get used to it. But if he doesn’t bring it up, make sure you check.

Where do you go from here?

(Super important!!) Like I said earlier, people can have different feelings about each other and still get on well! You can like him romantically and he can like you platonically and you can still be good friends! So:

You shouldn’t have to “get over him” (unless you want to). A crush is about your feelings, not expectations from him. But make sure to ask him how comfortable he is with that knowledge - and explain the point before this if you need to.

On the one hand, he might be more comfortable if you stick to strictly platonic things. Make sure you respect that.

On the other hand, maybe he’s actually okay with some aspects from part 1. Maybe he’d like to hug you more, or is okay holding your hand (platonically?), but doesn’t want to kiss you or be your boyfriend. People can do things together that have different meanings to each of them, as long as there’s consent and communication.

Final note: Please please don't take this as an instruction manual - these are just my own thoughts, and what works for some people won't always work for others. So use my answer more as something to start from - something to form your own ideas from. Use pieces that you think will work, and discard others. You know yourself and your friend much better than I do :)

Best of luck dear Anon, I hope you and your friend figure stuff out <3

And as a send-off, here's a relevant old meme of mine for you :)

(There are also plenty more memes in my memes tag (link in the description at the top of my blog) if you haven’t already seen them lol)

[meew3]

Some little things/microaggressions (but not always done purposefully) that make you feel like the ‘weird one/broken/etc’when you’re asexual/asexual spectrum:

Being told “when you get married”, “when you get a boyfriend/girlfriend”, “when you have your first kiss/start enjoying kissing”, “when you’re first with a woman/man [sexually]”

“You’re just a late bloomer, you’ll find someone.”

“Everyone has urges/needs.”

“Wow your father/mother/parents are probably relived you haven’t dated anyone!” or, from a parent or parental figure, “Oh it’s been great not having to worry [as much] about someone [significant other] playing with your heart/etc because you aren’t interested anyway.”

People acting like you’re “weird” or “childish” or not being and “adult” for being disgusted/repulsed by sex scenes in movies/shows

If you headcanon or see a character as aspec personally,  being labeled a homophobe because apparently friends can never be good character foils of each other, and treat each other with genuine love and affection without it being romantic or sexual

Having no non-romance route/choice in a game that is not romance-oriented/having to chose between “straight or bi” and that’s it

Having the non-romance routes be seen as “less” and the game makers either not making any content for NOT going on a date or whatever so you’re character is all lonely and ‘uwu i wish I had someone to go to the dance with’ or having the friend event/outing be written like any other time-killing event, nothing special about it

People saying either you or someone you know who are super close to/have a strong bond with someone are “just friends”, as if that makes the  person you’ve bonded with less than a s/o or spouse

On the flipside, people seeing you or other people having a good strong relationship with someone and saying “There’s no way that JUST FRIENDS would treat each other like that” --- as in??? genuine love and affection? Hugging? Supporting one another? Helping each other out when one is struggling? Cheering for them and encouraging them? Ok, I guess friends can’t do that without it being romantically or sexually motivated

People straight up saying you’re “weird”

(Feel free to add aspec people. Aphobes do not interact)

[quondam-et-futurus]

bbc merlin aspec headcanons

because I’m aroace and no one can stop me

Arthur: Greyromantic (and bi). It was a long time before he had a crush, he has maybe two before Gwen and they go away pretty quickly. As far as he was concerned he was better off without worrying about that kind of thing. When he first started to like Gwen it took him a while to figure out what he was feeling, and then it sort of freaked him out and he didn’t know what to with that. He’s more comfortable  taking things slow and he’s kind of uncertain about typical romance-coded activities. This part kind of goes against canon, but I kind of think that, while he’s not big on getting married, he’d be totally happy marrying someone like Mithian or Elena who he gets along with and respects, even if he doesn’t have romantic feelings for them if it weren’t for the fact that he’s in love with Gwen. He grew up seeing marriage as primarily someone he’d trust to rule with him and want to know for the rest of his life, and he was totally fine with that. I usually think of him as bisexual, but I can also see him as ace (in which case he’s still biromantic in addition to grey-ro) and I kind of love interpreting him that way? Ace Arthur is very good, y’all. Gwen is obviously super accepting of it, and they talk about how they might approach choosing an heir from the other people at court when the time comes. If we’re talking Merthur, then I think that it takes him incredibly long to be even remotely aware that he’s into him. Actually, even if he doesn’t love Merlin romantically, I think he absolutely loves him and values him immensely, not to mention how much he care about and is protective of his knights. This boy needs found family and non-normative relationship models so badly. I do have to say this makes the number of love spells that get put on him kinda awful ‘cause as an aro person that’s freaking terrifying, but I still love the headcanon. Merlin: Asexual (and either bi or gay depending on the day, which fics I’ve been reading, and how recently i’ve watched lady of the lake). I feel like I don’t have to say much because this is pretty popular? But yeah. Big fan of ace Merlin. I don’t always headcanon him as ace, and I’m a huge fan of a lot of headcanons I’ve seen or fics I’ve read where he’s totally not, but yeah. Ace Merlin. 10/10, two thumbs up.

Leon: Aroace. Again, I don’t feel like I have to say much? I’ve seen a lot of people share this one. He’s aroace, he loves his friends, and he’s very tired. Let this man take a nap.

Elyan: Asexual (and bi). Idk, I saw someone say this and I just thought it was rad.

Morgana: Aromantic lesbian. Look. Morgana is a lesbian. I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else on this, and all y’all out there shipping Morgwen are valid as heck. Sometime when I think about Morgana, I don’t read her as aro, but sometimes I just need to project a bit so here goes. Aromantic Morgana who has always thought of friendship and family as hugely important and doesn’t see why people think of romantic relationships as inherently better. Aro Morgana who’s more that a little smug about not getting crushes when she sees how the other kids her age act with them. Aro Morgana who bonds with Arthur about this and calls him a traitor the first time he gets his first rare, short-lived crush. Aro Morgana who clings to her friendships and feels all the more betrayed by Merlin for it. Aro Morgana who feels like her sister is the most important person in the world. Aro Morgana who has always felt, deep down, like she’s isolated and set apart and who ends up all alone.

[mcrmadness]

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

[nyctolovian]

TMA S1 Archival Team Headcanons

A lot of sexuality/gender headcanons but also some misc headcanons that are somewhat related??? I'm writing this cos idk how else to celebrate ace week so I'm just plopping this down here.

Jon

Not a headcanon but AAAAAA I'm so happy he's canonically ace :""

Has no clue what the hell people are talking about when they talk about attractiveness

Used to think he was pansexual because "well, I think everyone looks attractive in the same amount" (turns out same amount is Zero.)

Now he knows he's a panromantic ace

Ace flavour: fluctuating between sex-favourable and sex-neutral

Quite enjoys sex (when he's in the mood)

But he *hates* kissing. Full-on kiss on the lips is gross

Hair kisses and hand kisses are very welcome though!!

That's why there is no kissing in The Magnus Archives (frankly, kissing sounds are gross to me so thank you rusty quill)

Nonbinary. Pronouns are probably he/him/they/them. But he doesn't rly talk about it because it feels like too much trouble

Skirts!!! Gosh! Long flowy skirts are his favourite. They're comfortable and he feels a little pretty in them

Martin

Idk he comes off as someone who doesn't want labels

Love is love to him.

Once he has a crush, he crushes H A R D

If you watch his ears, you'd see how nervous he gets around Jon. Cos they go red

Started painting his nails to stop himself from biting them (self-projection lmaooo)

Now he paints them for fun! His favourite nail polish is baby blue!

My HC for him morphs between trans and cis ;-; I can't decide ;-;

Sasha

Aromantic heterosexual (there are too few Allo aro rep out here so I'm making them myself!!!!)

Will beat you up if u call her straight (and so will I)

She and Jon bond over being aspec. Just constant jokes of "pffft sexual/romantic attraction? What's that? Can you eat it?"

She loves going on dates! They're fun!

Isn't too stoked about romance and falling in love... Esp how society seems to put them on a pedestal because it makes her feel left out

Also because romance looks unnecessarily messy

Really wants a QPR but is very specific about what she wants out of it

Incredibly specific about terminologies (let's face it, she's bothered enough by the calliope thing to barge into Jon's recording)

Specifically, she never wants to be "an item" or "couple" with someone. She doesn't like her status to be referred to with nouns???

Saying she's "dating" someone or "married" is fine.

Tim

Bi-con

Hawaiian shirts and finger guns

The most open about his sexuality of the gang.

Big Fat Crush on everyone in the archival team

"What were the requirements for working in this archival team???? Must be hot?????"

Biggest Fattest Crush on Sasha though

In No-One-Dies AU, I'd think the two of them will be in a QPR

They have a ton of conversations to clarify the feelings between them

Tim is super understanding of Sasha's discomforts and boundaries

((they marry))

S1 Polycule

I can 100% imagine this happening

After JonMartin and TimSasha marry, they realise it feels like a four-way marriage

So they just roll with it and now they're a polycule

Cuddlepiles and movies every Friday

So so much teasing and banter and also cuddles

They used to sleep separately (Jon/Martin and Tim/Sasha). Then they started mixing it up and swapping around based on mood

After a while they decided it was better to just push two beds together and just all sleep together

Sometimes if there are some steamy bedroom business going on, people who aren't in the mood (mostly Jon) take the couch until everything is settled

[arodabi]

Thank you so much for that post about aro characters. Honestly as an aroace who figured it out in my twenties and used to beat myself over the fact I didn't experience any kind of attraction, the erasure makes me so mad because it was super hurtful and I would have liked to know that it was not me who had a problem but simply was experiencing another kind of orientation 1/2

+ I find aro representation to be great even for people who aren’t aro as, you know, romance is not the only way and even if you experience attraction other kind of relationships can be just as fulfilling and you shouldn’t have to be in a romantic relationship/interested in one for other people to think you are valuable. 2/2

i totally feel u!! i spent so long feeling horrible about myself and I could have not had to go through all that if I could have seen being aspec was 1 a thing you can be and 2 something that's actually good 

and ur right aro rep is good for everyone. the number of posts n stuff by people terrified that they will never find the one true love or whatever is honestly kinda heartbreaking