#I just feel like I’m such a blackhole of a person

[toastspirit]

This sounds really stupid but I genuinely feel guilty just being alive sometimes

[hyuukais]

6. Buildup

warnings: none

word count: 1.0k

a/n: this isn’t the best but i was really struggling with it for some reason

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The heavy bass thump and low lighting of the arena feel reminiscent of a club. You can already tell you’re not far off from a migraine, as strobe lights flash dramatically around the padded ring. Next to you, Jooyeon and Seungmin are both munching away on their pretzels, the former having successfully tracked you and Bea down through the crowds. Jeongin arrived not long after him, flocked by a pack of men you didn’t recognize and Beomgyu. They came with cups and snacks in hand, apparently having stopped at the concessions as well. You all were quickly introduced as they sat down. Vaguely familiar with their names, it was nice to pair them with faces.

Yeonjun, with his bloody hair, was the first to greet you—oozing with charisma. Soobin seemed a bit quieter but polite nonetheless, especially as he commented on enjoying Jooyeon’s content with a bright smile. All you could really discern about Hueningkai was that Jeongin was right for calling him hot unprompted. He ended up in the seat next to you, silently snacking on some popcorn. It looked and smelled buttery and amazing. The thought of something salty makes your mouth water, yet the expanding pit in your stomach grows nauseous at the thought of eating.

It was like a looming blackhole of dread was eating you from the inside-out; all morning plagued by a familiar despair. The same one that had been following you for the past week. Beyond the notion of meeting new people spiking your anxiety, it was this overwhelming yet indiscernible feeling; most similar to depressing amounts of self-loathing and anger. Thoughts of that stupid rejection had been eating you up all night; over some guy you only went on a single date with. How dumb you felt about caring so much only made the feeling worsen, a vicious cycle so to speak. Bea had been completely on the nose when she called out your tendency to overthink, but you certainly wouldn’t tell her that. Hopefully, a fun night with friends would pull your mind out of its pit; or you could at least pretend one of the guys getting punched is someone you hate and find some enjoyment there.

“Would-would you like some?”

“Wha-”

Your eyes come back into focus on Heuningkai holding his popcorn container towards you. Even in the dim light, you can see the flaring red bathing his ear and neck. Perhaps you were looking at it too long, lost in thought, and made him uncomfortable.

“Oh, I…” Your stomach stirs at the sight, caught between craving and disgust. It smells so delicious though. “Sure, thank you.” You take a small handful. Popping some in your mouth, the kernels melt into your tongue, warm and buttery, absolute heaven on an empty stomach. You can’t stop the soft moan that slips out at the taste.

“That good, huh?” Kai chuckles beside you, you just happily nod in response, savoring each bite. A smile grows along with the red on his cheeks. “Um—I…I actually wanted to say, I’m a really big fan.”

“Oh?” Suddenly, the odd looks and comments his friends had given him after you two were introduced come back with much more clarity. They had all spoken about Kai sitting next to you with this odd lilt you can now tell was teasing.

His hands wring in his lap, but he face betrays nothing but a smile. “Yeah, so is Taehyunie, though I’m the one that introduced him to your content. We both think your stuff is really fun and cool! Your commentary is really funny and personable. You have this kind of atmosphere that…I just, I wish I could create with my content, I guess.”

“Oh, thank you!” Happiness bubbles in your chest, spreading its heat up your neck with a grin. You received words like these everyday from hundreds across the internet, yet something in the way he spoke made you feel so giddy over the praise. “I-I actually checked out a lot of your guys’ stuff after Jeongin mentioned we’d be coming today, and I really really liked it! Um–I watched the vod of one of your music streams—oh my god! You’re so talented, it’s crazy!”

“Oh–haha–thank you!” His head dipped as a shy laugh took over his body.

“And, I mean, I was a little hesitant about coming here. I guess I just didn’t know what to expect, but watching some stuff of Taehyun’s matches was like–wow.”

“Ah, yeah, Taehyun’s really talented. He always gets me to help him practice, and sometimes, just watching what he can do with one punch gets a little scary. He’s tried to teach me so many times but…I’m not built for those sports.”

“Oh god, Jeongin has this specific workout regime that he’s tried to get the rest of us to join so many times. It’s like he's really just plotting to kill us or something—it’s genuinely crazy. I’m like 90% sure it’s just because he developed it by working out with Changbin, but like—just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.”

His laugh is deep and airy as you go on about your friend’s. You both continue to swap stories back and forth, easily falling into casual conversation. Connecting with strangers was never an easy feat for you, but Hueningkai made it seem so much simpler. You could’ve probably talked for hours if not for the booming voice of the announcer ringing out to signal the start of the fight.

Cheers fill up the audience as the introductions proceed with both men standing at opposite corners of the ring. Everything is so loud and intense, you miss most of what is said about Taehyun. It’s easy to spot him against his opponent's bright green hair. His hands are clad in red gloves which match his shorts. From your seats so close, it's easy to see the steely look in his eye, brows shadowing his cheeks. Tension is thick in the air, beneath the harsh white now spotlighting the ring, everything burns up. Your heartbeat builds in your ears with unease, your breath held tight until the final signal goes and the match finally begins.

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WHAT YOU DESERVE

: ̗̀➛ Y/n is beloved by thousands on the internet, being a popular streamer. However, they’ve never been able to find nearly as much affection in their love life, despite searching for years. Just when they’re close to giving up on love all together, they suddenly find their romantic prospects on an upturn.

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[drabblesdrabbles]

“The Art of being Painfully In Love”

There’s this guy in my class, I did not like him one bit.

He’s loud, and obnoxious, and he likes to throw a fit.

Everything about him annoys me indescribably,

From the way he talks to the way he walks to way he laughs at every stupid thing we see.

He lights up the room whenever he’s around,

When he smiles it’s like everyone is spellbound.

He speaks so highly of himself, like he’s the greatest the world has ever seen.

And whenever he’s near me, I feel so serene.

Wait, what? Have I grown soft for him? I wonder.

No, that can’t be. I’m supposed to hate him, remember?

But I guess I’m not immune to his charms.

I guess, like every other person, I’ve fallen directly into his arms.

So I let him stick around me as much as he’d like.

Let him annoy me with his presence as I watch,

Watch as he glows under the moonlight

And blooms like the beautiful flower that he is under the sunlight.

I tell myself I’m not in love, that’s what I tell other people too.

But good lord how come I notice everything about you?

From the way his eyes crinkle when he grins,

To the way he cowers when things get too intense.

Everything, I’ve noticed and learned everything.

His favourite movie, food, and the lyrics to the songs he sings.

His existence is like a blackhole, forever swallowing,

And I will forever be falling.

When I came to the realization, tears prickled at the corner of my eyes.

I can’t just tell him how I feel, what if it ends up in a mere goodbye?

But god, I am in love with him, and painfully so.

So, so, deeply in love that I don’t ever want to let go.

But I must. For he is such a saint, and I a mere sinner.

I have given up on everything while he still dreams that life will get better.

He is simply so lovely and I’ll only keep his greatness at bay,

But I will not let that happen, I will not get in the way.

Someone said to me once that love is the most twisted curse of all,

And perhaps that is true

Because you should never love me the way that I love you.

��——

(a poem i made while thinking about how tragic and beautiful satosogu is [and also how tooth-rottingly sweet iwaoi is])

[murkystarlight]

Hey, I just asked sillysnaildraws and whataboutsimple this because I’m trying to make it a thing: If you were a MCSM style admin, what would you look like/ represent/ have as your symbolism/ whatever else?

I have never thought about this either-

I never actually made an oc before(that's not true- but I haven't made one for a fandom before.)

I also am not very crispy on the knowledge on the Admins(or the entirety of season 2)

But I'm willing to give it a go

Her main color would be purple (cause I like purple) but like.. I'm thinking the skin would be like.. a deep blue? Navy color? Her hair, clothes and other stuff(if I add them later-) would probably be purple though.

She has long hair. Like really long. She likes to play with the gravity and make her hair look like it's underwater. And same with her clothes. Very flowy

She has like- some glitter? Star dust thing around her. I saw how the Admins all have like.. body suits? They have a dark body suit looking thing with different designs on top I think(I need to look into them more-- I'm sorry). So I thought, let's give her a black body suit, and make glowing dust float around the suit. But, she likes covering herself. So she has like.. a big dress(cloak maybe?) on top of the body suit(which is also what I meant with flowy clothing). And since the glowing substance isn't stuck onto the body suit, it all kind of spills out and float around her dress(and her everything else) now. But you know what's the biggest thing about glitter? It gets EVERYWHERE

You always find it. No matter how hard you tried to get rid of all of it. So I like that to be the case. She doesn't mind it. But the others... they mind it a lot

Her eyes are white. Just white. The sclera, iris and pupil. Just white. And y'know, it glows and stuff

And my idea for the star dust thing is because, I thought it would be nice if she represent like... nether stars? Or just stars. (Like I said. I have no idea-)

And for the reasoning of that... she's like some sort of.. watcher. Spectator? And since stars are always in the sky(even at morning though you can't see them) I thought it would fit pretty well

She doesn't like getting involved into things. But don't get it wrong, she loves drama. In fact, she makes drama. Then steps out, relax and just watch the drama unfold.

So I would think that she doesn't like standing out too much. But still wants to be in the spotlight- if that makes any sense

So instead of staying in Admin form, she stays in like.. a makeshift human form. Since, then she would stand out when between the other Admins, but doesn't attract much attention onto herself in other occassions since she looks like a normal player(I think her Admin form kind of has a blackhole effect? Since it's flowy and her colors are very dark and all that she kind of- Well, either doesn't stand out much and becomes one with the background or overwhelms everything around her a bit)

Enjoys being alone, but will come out to meet you whenever you ask her to. She doesn't mind leaving to meet people or just have a nice walk.

Her personality- the righthand man who is planning a secret plot to overthrow the leader type. She's an ambitious one

But most of the time, she's rather childish and playful.

She's a free spirit but often doesn't know what to do. So she stayed at the other Admins towns for a while before she left to the overworld.

Once in the overworld, she started moving from town to town, making a few friends here and there. Since she stays in her human form it wasn't much of a problem. She likes rabbit(bunnies?), because of some silly legend in my country about rabbits living on the moon- and often goes stargazing. She likes to Uh- feel like she's one with the night sky. All her colors in her admin form are dark(except the sparkly stuff. Cause it sparkles)(and maybe her hair is a bit of a brighter purple than the rest of her outfit) so she could just pass by as the night sky. Makes her easy to watch things from above or not get disturbed. Or both. Both works

And this is just a silly thing I thought of(not considering to actually put this in, but thought it'd be funny) she went to the moon. She even made a small civilization there!

But jokes aside, I feel like before she started settling into different towns, she's tried to make a lot of her own. Just small towns. But they never kept her intrested enough. And she easily got bored of them. So like the free spirit she is, she just- left. Had some fun with them and just left.

I also had a thought, since she... I'm not sure if she fits in with one of the Admins. And she has a makeshift human form(not a human form of what she looks like without powers), maybe she was made by the Admins? They could do that, right? Create a living, talking... thing(Idk-)

I think I got everything I thought of written down here. As well as the answers to your question. If I understood them wrong- please tell me. And I'll try again(or just fix a few parts) after learning more about the admins-

This is just a bunch of random thought I had squished into one so- yeah... this is all over the place

[ladyodium]

I’m feeling strangely poetic today.

TW: Domestic Violence

Lestat is such a blackhole. He’s a chaotic mess with an abusive backstory from which he never really healed from. Lestat is a lot, he knows that and he loves very deeply. Louis to him is His. His creation, His sun, and His Saint. Louis is everything Lestat isn’t, he’s the human quality that he lost so long ago. Lestat believes that Louis is his saving grace, finally someone just like him. In this Sun he’s found there is a deep underlying darkness. He wants Louis so desperately to accept himself as a vampire. He’s constantly angry that Louis denies this dark gift, this blessing he’s given him. He wants Louis to act out, he’s constant pushing Louis to react like him. He cheats, he lies, and he manipulates. He does everything in the book to get a reaction out of Louis and sometimes it works! He gets that reaction he wants, the vulnerability that Louis shows in his anger delights him. He’s a blackhole sucking the light away from The Sun, he’s the darkness that devours light, he’s this all consuming being who wants so desperately to be loved for who he is.

Louis is The Sun, The Saint, The creation. Louis meets Lestat and he’s instantly sucked into the vortex of him. He’s intrigued by this man who seems otherworldly. He finds him so fascinating, so attractive and alluring. How could you not be pulled in? Louis also is someone who is a victim of abuse. His family, his mother, Lestat, and now Armand. He isn’t always a good person but he tried to be. Louis is so traumatized that his mind just blocks out certain memories. Even before Armand messes with his mind. He loves Lestat and he’s ashamed to admit that. He loves Lestat so much but he hates the way Lestat makes him feel so unwanted. Louis really suffers from these severe moments of depression. He struggles with the concept that he is no longer human. He can’t have his business anymore and he can’t see his family. He’s afraid of his own vampirism, he can’t stomach the guilt of killing someone. He’d rather just drain animals and Lestat can’t stand this. 

I feel like Louis is the perfect example of a domestic abuse survivor. Before Lestat never hit Louis, he never raised a hand to him. However, he would humiliate him, cheat on him and then turn a child into a vampire just to keep him shackled in the “marriage”. Louis was happy that Claudia was there for a brief period in time Claudia was his light. They were a happy family until they weren’t. Lestat was jealous of Claudia, they were too similar to each other. Lestat saw himself in Claudia and how Louis was so happy with Claudia. Louis never judged Claudia for eating humans. Louis wanted Claudia to have everything he couldn’t do or wouldn’t do. He (for a time) respected her choices. Claudia really loves Louis, she loves him so much that she wanted to save him from himself. Louis let Lestat do what he wanted, just like how a victim will agree with their abusive partner to keep the peace. Lestat was good at making such good promises to Louis, he whispered honey in Louis ears and he never did them. He was jealous of Claudia having Louis love and attention. He could handle that, so he went to Antoinette.

I’m really grateful with how the show kinda incorporates Louis being black to his situations, it’s very subtle, but you can pick up on it. Lestat could never understand how Louis being black in a very dangerous New Orleans contributed to some of his choices.

The whole fight scene was really graphic and so well down. Lestat had finally snapped because Louis was thinking about leaving him for real. Louis would talk about it, think about it, but he had no one to turn to. His family turned away from him, he doesn’t have his business, and Claudia was gone. I feel like Claudia gave him the courage to finally remove himself from Lestat. Claudia wanted to save Louis from his own abuser like she saved herself. The way Lestat dropped this man from the sky?! Then he comes back just like an abuser and tried to cover it up with gifts. “You are not cruel, Louis.” And he isn’t. Louis isn’t cruel, he’s a survivor. That’s why he’s so quick to deny that he’s Armand’s. He doesn’t wanna be someone else’s anymore, he knows what it’s like to be owned and shackled. He’s free and he doesn’t wanna be tied down.

There’s a whole lot else I wanna say but that’s another post. Thanks for listening to my TED talk.



[firemandeanbuck]

Stars

HC Hob has this kind of ceiling in his bedroom, vibrant, glittery and spectacular. He painted it himself. He is crafty that way.

After their first time, spent and sticky with sweat Hob and Dream lay in bed, talking lazily, giggling and caressing each other's skin. Dream's skin is smooth, cold, and soft. Hob's skin is scarred, warm, and rough. It's perfect. Dream mouths Hob's throat, drinking the sounds coming from Hob's lips.

Hob had waited for this moment for over 500 years. He had hoped that one of these days, his stranger would be his lover. At last. It was true.

Hob did not sleep that night, he held Dream and talked and talked. Asked him endless questions, what he is, how he came to be, how the Dreaming is a part of him. In return, he told him all about the new age, the changes. Even when his arm fell asleep from being under Dream, he didn't move.

"Are you asleep?" Dream asked at some point.

"No", came the sheepish reply.

"That's a wonderful ceiling you have", he comments, just like the first time he saw his room a few weeks ago.

"Thanks. I painted it", murmured Hob, clearly fighting to remain awake.

"You can sleep", Dream reminds him,"I'll be here when you wake up".

“No, I’m fine”, Hob ran his hand on Dream’s jaw and kept it there, gently pressed against it.

“Your eyes are…beautiful”, Hob breathed, he didn’t dare to even blink.

They were beautiful, Dream’s eyes, they reflected the cosmos, the borning stars, the winking stars, the bursting nebulae, the damning blackholes, all of it. It appeared as if his eyes were windows to the universe themselves.

“You flatter me”, his cheeks went pink, his red lips tilted in a small smile.

“I love to see you red”, he brushed the back of his fingers against his cheek,

“Storyteller, tell me a tale”, Hob requested promptly,

Without taking his eyes off Hob, who was completely hypnotised with his eyes, Dream waved a hand to the ceiling, “I can SHOW you a tale”, delicately, Dream grabbed Hob’s chin and turned it to the ceiling.

Hob was stunned to say the least. It was spectacular, mind blowing, intriguing and celestial, to say the least. He personally felt like he was flying across the cosmos, like he can touch the stars, so close and intimate. He felt the stars dancing around him, the immortal basked in their company. It was almost like he could hear their heavenly laughter and siren-like voice, calling out to him to join their never ending celebration of life, universe and just being bigger than life.

The colours, oh, the colours, they were more beautiful than anything Hob had ever seen. Red, orange, green, blue, violet, pink, even the simple black stood out so much. So rich and vivid were the colours, no picture can compare. The way the nebulae move around, swimming freely like a mermaid in the deep sea. So many colours. Hob was sure there are more than his human eyes can comprehend or translate.

“It’s amazing”, Hob’s breath hitched. He reached out his hand to touch them. 

For a moment, he felt tiny, microscopic even. What or who is he in the grand scheme of things?

“Thank you”, Dream muttered, “I’ve crafted them”,

“I know”, Hob chuckled.

“I mean the actual stars. The Night is my Mother, but she wasn’t as decorated as she is now”,

Hob blinked and turned his gaze to Dream, who was still staring at him, unblinkingly. Such adoration and love in his galaxy eyes.

“She is beautiful”, Hob managed, before his words got stuck in his throat.

“Aye. But I rather look at you”, Dream smirked at the open mouthed shock on Hob’s face. He brought his hand to Hob’s hairy arms, “Universe is a vast thing, you can be easily lost in it. So are your eyes. And I have been there. I prefer where I can feel your warmth and sweet touch”, Dream carried on the stroking to his hip and thigh, “You show me humanity that I’ve long forgotten”, the Endless blinked, now caressing his neck “Trust me when I say, the stars and planets holds no candle to your brilliance, my heart”

It’s safe to say Hob’s mind short circuited that moment and they didn’t get ANY sleep that night.

MY FIRST (hopefully not last) CONTRIBUTION TO FLUFFBRUARY <3

inspired by @staroftheendless starting a war against angst and dedicated to Fluff Princess @immacaria

[jasntodds]

Petrichor Chapter 8 Teaser - Full Chapter coming 08/29

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb) Teaser Words: 1,117 Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, blood, violence, reader goes a little off the rails, a whole lot of arguing Summary:❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞ Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now. A/N: A teaser because last chapter was a lot I'm sorry lol I have written through episode 6 though!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

Gar trails after you. He can't let you keep doing this. If this is your plan, some sort of revenge filled with grief, that's not you. He knows you, too and he swears it's not. You're the one who always said you weren't violent. It sucks and it hurts. It's always going to hurt, he knows that, but this isn't going to make the pain any less for you. So, he follows you.

“You can’t do this!" Gar yells, you keeping your back to him as you reach the bike. "You can’t kill people because you miss Jason! That’s not gonna bring him back!”

You look down and let out a hollowed, venom-filled chuckle. It's never going to be about missing him and that's the thing. He'll never get it. But, it's like this void has opened up in your chest, right where your heart used to be. A blackhole, sucking everything inside of it but never being full. It's just a vast of nothingness and it's not about missing him.

“I’m not doing it because I miss him! Fuck.” You scream, spinning around with your helmet in your hand. “I’m doing this for me and for him and for Dick and Molly and Diego and every other fucking kid that Bruce fucked over and the system fucked over because Bruce said that's fucking justice!"

"And do you think this," Gar gestures around him to the warehouse. "Is justice?!"

"It's better than fucking nothing, Gar!" You let out a harsh breath. "We’re the people left behind to suffer at the hands of people with bad intentions! Because we have no other choices! I’m doing this for all of us! I’m doing this for the life Jason should have had! For the life he deserved to have but never got the fucking chance because of bullshit circumstances! Just like me and Molly and Dick and Diego and all the others! So, you can either shut the fuck up and the fuck on board, or try to fucking stop me.”

Gar shakes his head and it's like he's losing you, too. Donna, Jason, and you. This is going to get you killed. You're going to go after the wrong person and it'll be the end. And this isn't you. You're mad and in the middle fo grief. Grief is messy, it explodes and it always touches more than just the people in the thick of it. He can't just let you do this and end up regretting it.

"We don't kill people." Gar's voice is soft this time and for a split second, you actually feel bad. He wasn't even supposed to be involved but Dick insists on a babysitter. "And I-I don't want to fight you."

"I'm not a we anymore." You shake your head and shrug your shoulders.

Your teeth grit and it's so painful, it's almost numbing to everything. Every day, it's hard and it isn't getting easier. And maybe you think you deserve the pain and numbness from all of it. If anyone should have known Jason was up to something, it should have been you. You put all of this blame on Bruce, but it eats at you, too. You both missed it. Everyone missed it. And the one fucking time he needed you to see it, you missed it and it got him killed.

"I don't want to fight you either but I will if you try to stop me and we both know I'll win." You suck in a breath knowing Gar wouldn't have it in him to actually stop you.

And maybe you're hoping it's a false sense of confidence. Maybe you think you deserve to fight him, have him not on your side anymore. Maybe you don't deserve it anymore.

You turn back around and get on the bike before putting your helmet on. It's not going to bring him back, you know. And it's not going to make you feel better. But, it's better than letting someone else go through what you and every other kid has so far. This city eats people alive. It takes and takes and takes and that is all it has ever done. You're tired of it. You're willing to live with the guilt of blood on your hands if it'll help even a few kids who've been left in the cold. Maybe you deserve it anyway.

“Dick is gonna be pissed.” Gar sucks in a breath as he takes a few steps towards you.

“Kory kills people sometimes. Rose killed Deathstroke. I killed people from CADMUS when they attacked the tower. You killed someone once. Why is it such a big fucking deal right now? Why is so fucking bad right now?”

Honestly, you wonder how it's always Gar caught in the crossfire. Maybe it's just because he's too empathetic, always seeing the good in everyone. It's still something you admire. But, he can't stop you and you desperately wish, he'd just understand.

“Because this isn’t you.” Gar's brows furrow as he stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets.

You look down and clear you throat, feeling the guilt start to eat at your chest. You're not sure what the guilt is though. The guy you just killed or for making Gar give you that look that screams desperation and disappointment.

“Maybe it always should have been though.” You shake your head. “You know, he was bad, right?" You ask. "Like, working with the Joker. Joker had a few guys trafficking kids. Was gonna go after one, Pete Hawkins, but uh, someone beat me to the punch so, next best I guess. So, he wasn't just some guy doing something bad."

"That doesn't make it better." Gar states. "Maybe we could have helped him get out of that."

"Nope, rap sheet five pages long. You don't have to agree with me. But, you can either get on and come with me or call Dick to come get you because I'm not actually going to leave you here alone." You grab the other helmet and extend it towards him.

You're done arguing. Your throat hurts and the day has only just started. Sure, you don't want him with you and you could leave him but that's not very fair to him. If something happened because you left here, that would actually be the end.

Gar moves forward and takes the helmet. "Dick is gonna kill you."

"Eh, he'll bitch about it for awhile and then get over it because I'm grieving." You roll your eyes. "Make him a hypocrite if he did something about it."

"Not funny." Gar scolds as he gets on the back.

"Wasn't a joke." You quip. "Hold on."

prev. chapter

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A/n: Trust me, I'm going somewhere with this and we do see Jason a little bit in this chapter I just didn't want that part to be the teaser lol

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000

[urcharactersclasspect]

hi! i really liked that deepdive into the light aspect post you did, and the one on the prince of time, they’re honestly fascinating. you raise very interesting questions.

i was wondering if we could get your thoughts on the void aspect? i’m interested in seeing what a fellow knowledge class of my opposite aspect would have to say about it

- the person who thought they might be an heir of light, from the original ask. i’ve settled back into seer of void now, if you were wondering :]

My thoughts on the Void aspect are almost non existant.

Its like trying to explain the difference between The Sun and a Blackhole, but not, at the same time.

Void players are weird. in my experience probably one of the weirdest types of people.

Its cause of that I tend to not hit on Void aspect much. And theres probably a decent reason for it somewhere outside that vague explaination, its my technical opposite and its entire "thing" is the exact opposite to everything I mentioned in my Light aspect post; Void players are riddled with misfortune and a persavive sense of being outside others line of sight or thought process. Its about being obscured, secrecy, being devoid of thought in others, abstract nothingness, darkness, knowledge that others dont know - maybe even the outright forbidden. and its also more than anything about ignorance, intentionally not wanting to know unlike a light player, pure purposeful ignorance, the types to find most of the badluck even when its goodluck, instead of the vice versa like Light. Its wanting things to stay in obscurity, to be obtuse, wanting to disappear and embracing that you just might do so and be fine with it enough to not bother changing your unfortunate fate, or perhaops, understanding where to stand where you are instead of fighting for a spot in the limelight or giving up and knowing you wont be. Void players are dubious. The Void aspect itself is incredibly dubious.

Its not so much that you cant be ambitious like a light player.... Its more like, you go about the ambitions a very unusual way. Its productive; but not in a way that actually helps out of the void feelings. For some this might be through intentionally hiding information, or outright lying a lot to get what you want. Deceit is, after-all, obscuring information and the truth. It could be as mild as blocking out sunlight with sunglasses, or wearing a sleeping mask despite prefering to have a light on while you're asleep. (In a metaphorical way or literal way).

The void aspect is, at its core, about hiding things and the very literal Void, just as easily as the more metaphorical or social dynamic based things. Its genuinely tied to the Abyss, and Eldritch beings of a HP Lovecraftian level scale, as we have confirmation that its deeply rooted into the Horrorterrors themselves and the Furthest Ring of Space. Those tied to the aspect of the Void struggle with their own irrelevancy, not feeling they amount to enough, but instead of fighting it the same way you might see a Light player, for instance, try to become a walking piraha in the streets; a Void aspect haver will often times just cope with what they have or dont have. They will lie by omission or directly, keep quiet so nobody knows they actually dont know the answer to something despite giving off the impression of maybe being erudite and mysterious on the surface, and they often times than not, the type to give off the energy of someone with a full deck of cards when they really dont, which results in tripping others up to get a leg up if they are that sort of person.

You see where I am going with this?

This isn't me demonizing them, either. what reasons the individual Void player has for this behavior is just on them. However, what i mean by 'coping', look no further than our canon examples of Void players. Horuss and Equius Zahhak and Roxy Lalonde. Void players just arent flashy (the only exceptions to this would likely be Bards and Princes of Void, as they act out in Light esque ways)

Roxy used alcohol to cope. Horuss used his denial as an excuse, and would 100% deny reality. Equius is- well, Equius, hes in denial of his feelings for members of lower castes out of pride but makes no real move to ever really act on his detest for it, even being moirails with Nepeta willingly, and doesnt exactly fight back against anything going on in the story. He also has the stern belief of "knowing his place" on the hemospectrum; in his society he is one of the higher members and he is self aware, but like most heirs, he hardly knows how to properly use it and instead winds up creepy and awkward rather than an inherently sinister highblood. He inherited nothing and therefore he has no real story for himself outside what we saw of him. He let himself die on purpose; he had no issues with actively helping vriska sell off doomsday machines with complaints but with no real actions to back them up; he likely helped Vriska even figure out wherte Mindfang hid her journals, Horuss is likely self aware of Rufioh wanting to leave him but he intentionally acts ignorant and goes on rants to stop him, obscuring Rufiohs attempts at agency and obscuring the truth from himself, so they stay stagnant in place without fixing any real problems present, and while I dont believe theres any dialogue about his thoughts on the situation with Damara, we cannot forget that Horuss being used to cheat on her was one of the setting stones for a completely voided out doomed session. And yet, Horuss acts happy and indulges in Meulin's toxic positivity to cope with the fact hes dead.

The Void for some reason is often associated with Alcohol, and while I wont get too heavy into all of that, most people know exactly what people use Alcohol for when they are down and out, they use it as an escape from the truth, an unhealthy one. And it definitely matches up to the Aspect of Void. I feel like alcohol is only one example of how all Void players are constantly trying to "fill the void" in their lives though, itd be unfair to only use it as the primary token theme, Equius had robots and creations to stop his depression, he even uses Nepeta to a degree to soothe him. Horuss uses his unhealthy relationships to Meulin and Rufioh as a filler. Mom Lalonde uses alcohol and super over the top gifts to her daughter out of guilt for the fact she knows the world will end eventually and knows she has a part to play in her own daughters (and mothers) suffering. They dont quite, fight to get out of the situations they feel they are put into. They just carry on into it. With Roxy probably being the only example of one who does want to do something to better her life later, due to the rebellious nature of Rogues.

Void players to tend be easy to spot, very ironically. They have a tendency to be socially drifting. And I dont mean they are DriftersTM, of political movements for clout. I mean they very much go with the flow of whats around them, even when they are utterly miserable in the process, they know they are too normally, but they dont vcare to upset the status quo. Themes of obfuscation and depression are big when it comes to Void players, I feel theres basically no denying it. Feeling "empty" no matter what they do is one of the base things you see in them.

One thing thats not often talked about is the fact all Void players try to align themselves in what is more socially acceptable in the present moment while considering these. Light players, afterall, are often questionable and toss out any normal social convention if they feel they dont make sense; as stated, we are flamboyant socially. Void players will often not. Their general behaviours can be seen as eccentric still, of course, there's a reason Ive cracked jokes about how they can be dodgy and try to skirt out of topics and situations if it means being out of the way, but void players try to avoid being less socially normal. Which might sound contradictory but its really not. Because, I mean, whats most likely to ensure you can stay stagnant in your own personal bubble without "causing a scene" more than looking like your average salary man or being seemingly normal and even coming across as "boring" and having "little to say about yourself"? If you do this or being something akin to this with that mentality - you are likely a void player. You dont want to stand out the same way a Light player would want to. To be truly obscure is to be normal, to be hidden even in plainsight. To blind others by looking average, or making yourself out to be "boring", possibly quite a bit more than you really are.

Its the nihilism of it all being pointless. would being in the spotlight really make you feel fulfilled? would it really mean anything? "youll just die or disapear into the void/ether eventually." But more importantly - does something HAVE to necessarily matter or be meaningful for it be worth mattering or in order for it to be worth putting more effort to be more unique at the same time?

[takitakidancetillthesunriseyea]

Madness and Emotion - A Halateez Coded Song Analysis.

It’s been rolling through my head for a while that Crazy Form could be Halateez. That perhaps Will (or at least the first half of it) is from their perspective. It would be in line with the color schemes and the general dark theme of the of the album. That and some of the concept photos seem to really lean that way.

Like, look at these concept photos & tell me they’re not Halateez coded

It really got me thinking though, if Will is Halateez then a lot of the lyrics we’re used to seeing in other songs would mean different things. There are a lot of lyrics and themes we can easily connect to Feverteez and their story arc, but not nearly as many we can connect to Halateez. It’s been years since we’ve been introduced to the concept of Halateez, and yet we still don’t know much about them other than they’re from Strictland and we’re leading a revolution until they were captured.

I know many people debate if Halateez and Feverteez are the same people or different people. Generally I think of them as different people, because even if they were the same originally their different life experiences would’ve made them different on the inside. (Although I admit, this album made me wonder if perhaps the theories ab them merging/being the same person at some point, are true.)

I’m not necessarily saying that every song on the album is Halateez, because we can’t know that one way or the other for sure. (You have no idea how long I’ve been tearing my hair out over this.) But what I can tell you is that Will feels different. Outlaw is crazy! Outlaw is chaos! But Will is different. Will is desperation to the point of madness.

Something I don’t think Feverteez is capable of right now.

So without further ado, here’s my vaguely Halateez perspective song analysis. (We Know/Emergency/Arriba/Silver Light)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

WE KNOW

This song is by far a favorite of mine on the album. It comes on strong. It’s powerful. There’s desperation and challenge in it, as thought it’s the beginning of something bigger.

It’s The Comeback. It’s their comeback. Halateez.

One thing I found interesting as I was reading the lyrics is how much it seems as though they are both the hunters and the hunted. They’re back and they’re coming after you. But who is you? The government? Z? The brainwashed citizens of Strictland?

I swear, “I’m the morning,” always gives me chills. It’s so perfect for the role they’re playing because it connects both to the idea of waking up and also to imagery of the sun rising in the darkness. Dawn. In Wave, the concept of ‘the wave’ is that of a challenge a trial. They’re sending a warning because they are the challenge.

When I think of a wave I imagine something huge, overwhelming, something bigger than just them. Halateez is back, but it’s not just them. Feverteez is still a symbol of hope sure, but Halateez is the og. I would guess that even though many people are willing to join the revolution while Feverteez is spearheading it, many more would show up to follow Halateez especially if they pull a Jesus and come back from their ‘presumed deadness’. That would make sense connected to the title of the album. Will. A word that makes me think of the phrase ‘the will of the people’. As the Crazy Form MV suggests, they’re assembling their own little army of progressively growing number. Their own Wave made of the citizens of Strictland.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I see this as a threat to Z & anyone who’ll stand by him, but also as a message of hope to anyone trapped so deep in the blackhole of emotionless existence that they don’t think they can escape. However…I wonder if part of it is directed towards Feverteez too, as a warning not to get sucked into the false dreams as they have a habit of doing. (Which would be kinda funny if the unit songs are Feverteez in dreams again ToT)

Even if Feverteez has been doing their best to help people, in the end it’s still Halateez’s world. In the end they’re the ones with the most power in the revolution. They are back and they are coming for you. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“-thunder will turn the lights on…” I’m going to assume that this reference to ‘thunder’ is supposed to mean Thunder the undercover organization within Prestige Academy. So Halateez (and Feverteez) have teamed up with Thunder (as in the Diaries) and are trusting them to “turn the lights on”. My theory on that is very much connected to the Will diaries. At the end of the Will diaries Thunder’s leader, (the Be Free girl) is sent in to meet Z, an undercover mission that would bring her to very center of the Strictland regime. If she is caught showing emotion everything will be blown, but if she manages to stay hidden, she’ll be able to relay information straight from the government’s head office to Thunder and the Black Pirates (Halateez’s revolutionary group that Feverteez has been working with). My guess is that turning the lights on is supposed to mean shedding light on the terrible things Z has done. Releasing information that no one else should know and making it clear who’s really the bad guys.

Halateez is finally ready to reveal themselves to the world, they’re no longer waiting or hiding. It is the right time to come out and stand as they are. (Likely alongside Feverteez somehow.)

I’d also like to mention how cool the last line is, because it comes through with very real world implications. “My mic’s on” is a very kpop thing to say, (for obvious reasons) at concerts etc. BUT it’s also very applicable to the idea of ‘be careful I’m not afraid to say what needs to be said’ it’s a thinly veiled threat about revealing the truth. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Emergency

Frankly this song is so concerning. The first time I read the lyrics I was a little bit scared for the tone of this whole album. This whole song is just pure Dionysian madness. No matter what iteration of Ateez you think Will is, Emergency is concerning.

This whole chunk of lyrics could be connected to irl Ateez, (five years since mainstream, etc…) which would be pretty depressing, but also something which is necessary to think about. Even when looking at things from a Lore™️ perspective, realizing how it applies to real life is important to understanding the perspective. From an irl perspective, lore aside, this song is about getting lost in fame. Endless parties, endless emergencies, and a life you can’t go back to. The pressure closing in. Losing yourself in the game.

Which, though not exactly what Halateez/Feverteez is feeling, it’s pretty darn close. This song, lore perspective, is still about the pressure closing in and losing yourself in the game. The biggest differences is that Halateez is infamous rather than famous, and the pressure is quite literally the fear of death. So, uh yea. This could be Feverteez, sure, finally crumbling under the pressure of having to save a world that isn’t their own. But I really, really, believe it’s Halateez. Why? First, overall Halateez is rougher around the edges than Feverteez. Second, (and most important) how long has Halateez had emotion? If we assume The Real is their backstory we can say they’ve had emotion since Highschool….right? But if it’s not, then how long has it been? 5 years?? More???

Is that really enough to feel the depths of despair and come back from it? Is that really enough time to learn to control how you feel? Sometimes do they wish they’d never woken their emotions?

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I’m going to agree with Tiny Bug Ink on this one, that the Light is another reference to their treasure. (their video here) But what is their treasure. We know what Feverteez treasures are from the first diaries. But do we know what Halateez’s are? Are they the same?

“A wish I’ve fervently desired from the beginning of the explosion.” This isn’t something Feverteez would say. The explosion is the revolution, but Halateez is the only one who saw the beginning of the revolution, they started it, they got the ball rolling.

Why? Why did they start the revolution? They wanted Freedom.

Freedom is their treasure.

It took me a week to realize this, but the phrase “Who is gonna play?” along with the “You better run, hide & seek.” from We Know and Yeosang’s hopscotch part from Bouncy are all probably supposed to connect to the idea of The Game. (Something Tiny Bug Ink pointed out in this video)

Throughout the whole World Series (yet another phrase associated with games), Ateez has consistently referred to the world as a game. These lines are just a few of the many that connect the concepts, and I’m not quite sure their meaning in the long term, but it is really interesting. As of this song they’ve lost their hope. They’ve lost their trust in the world and maybe even each other. They’re stuck in emotional limbo drowning themselves in alcohol. Thinking of the events of the Will diaries I don’t really blame them. Somehow the events of the diaries seems so much worse if it was the world you came from, not some dreamlike parallel universe.

I also wanted to point out “Party never ends”, because it’s just yet another usage of the word End which they seem to be throwing in everywhere this comeback. Party never ends.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Crazy Form

(For sake of length and my sanity I’m going to skip Crazy Form rn. I do have a separate post on it though, here.)

I would like to say though that the phrase “Ateez go!” doesn’t necessarily have to be self referential. It could be encouragement. Like arriba.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

ARRIBA

This song was frustratingly hard to analyze. It has a very similar vibe to Emergency when it comes to lyrics and general theme, but unlike Emergency it’ no longer a cry for help, they’ve just let everything go.

I thought it was interesting that Arriba, (assuming google isnt screwing with me) is essentially Spanish slang for Up! (encouraging) So it’s probably supposed to be an equal equivalent to;

“We go up.”

(I love the stage it’s so silly! And cowboy! The lyrics on the other hand-) ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

For the chorus, the words ‘dirty night’ we (as in me) almost immediately connected to sex, debauchery, etc… And while yes there is plenty of evidence in the song to make that connection, I feel like it has a double meaning. For violence. It’s a dirty night not just because they’re letting their inhibitions go and partying hard. It’s a dirty night because of the fear and hopelessness that even drove them to that point. For the threat of death hanging over them.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I don’t have too much to say here about these lines. Though I would like to point out the obvious mentions of time, madness, and most importantly the end. This whole album constantly seems to reference the end of something. Which is both concerning, and not because of the whole ‘beginning is the end, end is the beginning’ thing.

I’d also like the add the comments of this blog here, because they make a good summary of why La cucaracha is important. vv

(Plz go check out their blog I love it.)

Their sets for the stages also seem to reinforce that connection to the Mexican revolution.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“My nose grows longer like Pinocchio’s” I think this line is particularly important, simply because it’s not instantly connected to the other lyrics. Ok so, he’s lying. But to whom? The people around him? Or himself?

I really like the context of the word dreamers. Irl a ‘street of dreamers’ is someplace someone goes to achieve their dreams, but contextually it could also mean a street of dreaming people. It’s the road of the people of the revolution. Dreaming of freedom literally and figuratively. I love the addition of Picasso and Salvador both as Spanish artists, but additionally, on top of that, they were both part of the Surrealism movement in art. A movement in art that emphasized the power of dreams and subconscious.

(Quotes taken from here, bc they summarized it better than I could.) Tbh I wasn’t expecting their actual work to be connected to the theme, but here we are. HJ & production appreciation hours.

“Blood spreading up and down.” As of the diaries Z has moved on from imprisonment and secret executions to public hangings. Like, just the idea of that is just…so fked up. Even if, as of Arriba, they’re in their safe little dreamworld they created in Crazy Form to give the citizens hope, they’re still in the same places. Even if they’re in a dream, they’re partying where people died. Like….ehh.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Silver Light

Let me just start off with saying that this song breaks me almost every time I listen to it. There’s just something so intensely emotional about it that it always makes me want to cry. Silver Light is the moment where the insanity of the last four songs melt into a single ray of hope. It’s perfect.

And it was also the hardest to analyze. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The very first line of the song has the word chain in it, and it’s sung by Wooyoung. Which makes me instantly connect it to two things; The Fever Diaries and the Wonderland MV.

In his very first diary entry, Wooyoung talks about stage fright. This is the final paragraph of his entry. (Read the full thing here)

In his diary Wooyoung uses the word ‘chain’ to represent his fear. What was holding him back. I think, in Silver Light it’s being used the same way. The citizens of Strictland are afraid of emotion, afraid of feeling, afraid of being in pain and showing it. I wasn’t expecting to relate so fully with these lyrics, but as I was turning them over in my head I realized something…It’s the same as when you want to cry but can’t because you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Afraid people will judge you. It’s that feeling, isn’t it?

Being afraid of showing emotion…Chained by fear…huh.

I’m sure there are more times they use the word chain in their discography. Times that aren’t related to Woo. But I can’t think of any off the top of my head, so for now he just owns that word.

Now, I can’t talk about the word wings without mentioning Seonghwa’s (super fking amazing) dance break on D1 of their tour. It lives in my mind rent free and I’ve thought about nothing else. It’s so- *screaming/crying*

But it’s also related to wings and the concept of freedom. The Strictland guards ‘take his wings’ a metaphor for taking his freedom. They leave him because he’s already broken, not physically, but mentally. They stole his freedom of thought. (I’m not crying no)

I could talk forever about this dance break. I won’t, but I do want to talk about how it relates to Halateez. If they lived in the emotionless void that Strictland is for their whole lives and then one day discovered feeling. If they learned how to feel and sense and hope and yearn. How to live alive. Could they go back?

They were captured, locked up, away from their friends in glass boxes, and forced to watch people being tortured. They had their freedom, which is probably their only treasure, ripped from them. They were sent to hell after they first learned how to feel. Don’t you think they’d want to go back to how it was before ? To embrace emotionlessness? To give up? The stealing of his wings can mean a lot of things. Not being able to go back home, losing emotion, losing hope, giving up, the moment of despair. But look at him and tell me that’s not what despair looks like.

(Ngl I added these bc I love them and everyone needs to appreciate actor Hwa.) ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

This verse gives me heart palpitations, and not just bc I love HJ’s rapping.

“This is the last chance, maybe.” This line makes me think of the breaking of the cromer in the Crazy Form MV. Assuming the scene isn’t a reference to when Yeosang broke the first cromer to save them, they broke the second cromer. Maybe there’s a third artifact they can use to time/dimension travel. Maybe that’s what the cube is. But if that’s true, if they break it they can’t go back home. It also made me wonder. Was that how Halateez felt when they first found the cromer and first used the it? They were desperate enough to summon Feverteez from another dimension. A plan that sounds like a last ditch effort if I ever heard one. As though they’d lost all hope in themselves.

Throughout the whole album there are constant references to the end, the last, the final. Will is the end of something. It could be the end of the uprising whether winning or losing, the end of Halateez hiding their identities, or even the end of Feverteez dream and adventure in Strictland. Really, we won’t even know what was the end of until next comeback. (It could pick up anywhere, I’m scared.) To be honest, this was the hardest set of lyrics to analyze. Specifically these lines: “There’s no law saying die. The trigger at the edge of breath.” Like excuse me what. (Genius.com really let me down on this one ToT) So I looked up other translations and they were equally confusing. But I did find this vv

I don’t pretend to know Korean, so going strictly off these translations I’m guessing it roughly means: We can’t die yet. So there’s that.

“Whether I want it or not this is my life.” “In the time of regrets I’m going. Here is the last man standing.”

HJ gets his mic drop. (Imma go cry) ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

In irl sense the “radiant light” and “countless voices” are Atiny. There have been countless times Ateez has referred to us as their Light, Lights, or Stars. (Excuse me I’m sobbing.)

In a lore sense though, it probably means the citizens of Strictland. The people who are slowly waking up and desperate for freedom, desperate for someone to save them from meaningless existence.

Which, really. Isn’t it the same? Living our boring lives, to work, to school, to sleep. A lot of us these days are really living in a grey world. Ateez music, their performances, are loud and bright, emotional and spectacular. They motivate and inspire us to wake up. To find our treasures. To feel our emotions. To dance.

Ateez started small, like really small. But now they’re able to inspire us to dream big, to hope. I like to think this song says the opposite is true as well. We inspire them, to hope, to continue going forward. And as idealistic as it sounds, I believe it. Because I’ve been inspired by fellow Atiny’s creations time and time again. ❤️

Now, for the final piece. In typical me fashion I looked deeper than I needed to and found something interesting on the concept of Ego. (So it connects to Crazy Form too)

In Freudian psychology, Ego is the conscious part of the mind that keeps your Id (instincts/monkey brain) in line with your Superego (morality/ideals). Without a strong enough Ego you lose control of yourself and descend into a kind of insanity characterized by blindly searching for pleasure. Ego is characterized as the realistic part of the human psyche, including rational thinking, planning, and self-control. (More info here.)

In this context “My ego’s in this show.” Likely is supposed to mean; ‘I’ve thought this through’, or ‘I’m doing this of my own will’.

Will

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ This post took 2 months to write bc I kept updating it as they came out with more stuff. (So some of it is better written than others ToT)

I almost didn’t even post it, but here we are… So if you made it this far, thanks for reading!!! ❤️

I know that I am going hard on my Halateez agenda, but their story is incredibly vague for how important it is. I feel like, even if they’re dead/gone/merged, Feverteez’s journey is still related to them more than it’s not. That’s why I go so hard on my Halateez shenanigans. Because they’re important dammit.

As always, feel free to add your own ideas and comments. I by no means think I’m right about everything (or anything) but the more ideas out there the more connections we can make. In the end, theories and speculation is part of what makes the story so fun. Atiny Fighting!! \ (＾▽＾\* )

[meraki-sunset]

Okay, this two questions are conected so i’ll answer them together. I had multiple reasosns not to save dad crocker

1.       Acording to the postcredits, he never replaced dad egbert in john’s life (even tho they show us how they hug eachother in homestuck when they meet) and John eventually got (aparently) depressed about not having his dad around, but someone who looks like him 

2.       In the prologe, the epilogue and homestuck2 Jane reestablishes Crockercorp, the evil baking corporation, with the epilog and HS2 covering her coruption into the condesce’s true heiress even wearing full red, the empire’s signature color instead and the oposite of cyan, her true color (it might not be 100% canon but it’s canon enough for me) and like they said in the comic, csau Jane could end up the same if she has Dad Crocker as her guardian enableling her to become like hs2 Jane

3.       Also, i really think losing your guardian is a rite of passage in the game, and players are suposed to lose them in order to become true gods

4.       A reason i can’t just exclude is the fact neither one of the dad’s have a face and one of the ways i tell the story is through facial exprecions. I tried to give him a face so i could work with the character but it wasn’t working for me and people didn’t like him.

5.       Nanna is also another reason for dad crocker’s death, through the story nanna became John and Jade’s new guardian, her arc culminating on her getting back her youth and now simbolicaly (and actually for real) taking the role of John and Jade’s mother. On top of that, in the future epilogue, the Harley-egbert’s basically become a big assembled family and dad crocker playing basically the pathernal rol when nanna already was fullfiling the mathernal rol would have been weird as fuck since, Dad Crocker is sort of a clone of Nanna’s son 

In short all the reasons listed below meant i had to delete him from the story 

When it comes to Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde, John never saved them in canon with the power of retcon probably because he didn’t wanted to change any events terezi didn’t specify on her list and risk dooming the new timeline. And while on csau he DID changed things beyond terezi’s plan (stealing the troll’s bodies and slab beds) taking dad and mom’s bodies may have had unintended consecuenced down the line.

Dad Egbert would have also been a problem to integrate to the story like Dad Crocker for all the same reasons, artstyle, losing your guardian being nescesary, being weird having him a round in the new integrated harley egbert family, not to mention he would also take nanna’s guardian role that she gained during all the comic. It would undo the whole story.

I do regret not being able to save Rose’s mom, i feel like she could have had a lot of growth and i wouldn’t have had any problems integrating her to the story. She could have had really interesting interactions with everybody and be Good Friends with nanna, mirroring Jane and Roxy’s friendship.

But if i saved her with retcon i would have had to save Dad Egbert and that was a big no, so mom had to stay dead.

I’m still playing around with the idea of her coming back but don’t count on it

Another person i wish i couls have saved is Alt!Calliope, but due to the nature of CSAU, it’s explicit that the Alt!Callie we see is the canon one, from canon homestuck, and we only encounter her twice before she causes the blackhole and flies to the HS Epilogue. I can’t change her fate, because she’s just a borrowed character. (another borrowed characters from canon are Ghost!Vriska and Ghost!terezi who end up in the blackwhole with the dancestors, since canonically we don’t know what happened to them, just that they found eachother and got probably sucked by the blackhole eventually)

Aside from that, i found a way to everyone i needed/wanted to save in csau (not to mention whatever happens in the epilogue)

[flowerslut]

why does he care about finding alice very very much? is it something we should’ve picked up on yet or are the reasons going to come

I mean, I feel like it should be sort of obvious, y’know? but in case it’s not I’m gonna put the rest of my response under a cut for people who haven’t read/caught up to where we’re at in roots right now

(spoilers for the end of act 2 onward)

so peter is in a reeeaal awful position right now. he went from traversing across the southwest with charlotte, to blacking out and waking up as a captive of god-knows-who without one of his hands. he's rescued before he can figure out what's happening; all he knows is that newborns are involved, and his and charlotte's lives are in terrible danger. then, when he's rescued, he's forced to listen in as charlotte is brutally murdered (his name is one of her last words and there is nothing he can do but listen to her screams as she's torn apart).

peter is... Not Okay. he doesn't understand what's happening but assumes it's related to the Wars, and with the confirmation that his life has been spared but charlotte's is lost, he turns into a blackhole of anger and despair. peter is grieving. to make matters worse, the cullens' don't even know what's going on, but you all have a sinking suspicion that its related two one of two things: the southern wars coming back to drag them (peter and jasper) into something nightmarish, or the volturi, aiming to finally eliminate the cullens (peter is smart enough to know he was being sued as bait in something Much Larger than him and charlotte).

peter is/was obviously closest to charlotte. now, charlotte is dead. peter is next-closest to jasper. jasper is currently undergoing a psychotic break. we can only infer, from what canon has given us, that the only other person on the planet peter gives a shit about is alice. it's canon that the four of them (peter, charlotte, jasper, and alice) traveled together for a period of time before jasper and alice broke off to find the cullens. peter is a good dude. peter and jasper already had a conversation about this: they promised they'd take care of charlotte/alice if anything happened to either of them.

peter knows that, while jasper is still physically there, something is very, very wrong. and even though charlotte is dead, even though jasper couldn't hold up his end of the bargain, even though the odds are against them and the outlook is bleak, peter is gonna do his goddamn best to help get alice back. if not for alice's sake—the fate she is currently doomed to is more horrific than much of what he witnessed back in mexico—than for jasper's. peter wants alice alive because he cares about her, but also because he gave jasper his goddamn word. and if alice dies, jasper will suffer just as peter is currently suffering now. and despite the grief still suffocating him, and the threats that are looming, peter cannot have that happen.

in short: peter is such a baby and i love him so much! he's just a good dude!!!! one of the most underrated twilight characters of all time!!!

[sadnesslaughs]

One day you're arrested for trying to escape from prison. When you ask what they mean, apparently you were sentenced to 12 consecutive life sentences in your past life.

(A response to a writing prompt)

“You.” The alien guard pointed their single thin finger at me, directing me out of the spaceport’s line. I threw up my hands in that typical annoyed fashion that most customers gave after being inconvenienced, making a small song and dance out of the situation. Inside, I was shitting myself. Why was I being singled out? Did I accidentally pack a teleporter in my suitcase or leave a Blackhole ray rolling about in it? Even if those two things didn’t exist, my anxious mind was still convinced they could have somehow materialized just to get me into trouble.

“Yes?” I asked, standing by his side. Ew, The Vapia’s were always hard to look at. Tall, thin alienoids with fat palms that held only a single finger that they waved around like a magic wand. Their silver skin grainy, looking like sandpaper. I would usually have felt rude for thinking something like that, but I saw his finger retract back into his palm, clearly as repulsed by me as I was by him. Guess that’s what happens when you’re dealing with a new alien race. Humans and Vapia’s had only met fifty or so years ago, so neither party had gotten used to this whole interaction thing.

“You’re leaving your designated prison. Do you have an exemption pass?” He impatiently tapped his foot on the floor, as if I was the one ruining his day. What prison? Last I checked, Earth wasn’t classified as a prison, only as uninhabitable. Which wasn’t a prison, technically.

“I’m a human. This is my home.” I said sharply, before feeling my tone might have been a little too much. “It’s ok, I forgive you for the misunderstanding.” I tried to be as friendly as possible, offering my passport to the man, who only leaned into the microphone by his neck. “We have a code 204. Going to need a superior officer. Someone that has notes on Subject 20S2’s file would be appreciated.” After that quick conversation, he gave me a nod. “Wait, a little longer.”

“Seriously? My flights in like four hours! I need to get in there and grab lunch.” Sure, four hours wasn’t really rush time, but I hoped the alien might have just felt awkward about my urgency and let me through. People sometimes didn’t think too deeply about things when a person looked stress.

“Plenty of time.” He murmured. So, we stood there, not even engaging in small talk. As aliens and humans passed, they gave me dirty looks. Like I was some space pirate who had been caught mid raid, rather than a poor soul that got caught up in some accidental incident.

The superior officer sauntered over before studying me. After a quick stare, she pulled out a small scanner. “I’m officer Atioa, Open your mouth.” She gave the order and waved her finger. I had forgotten all about their telekinetic abilities, my mouth being forced open as she pressed the scanner against my tongue, waiting until she heard a chiming beep! Pulling the device away, she discussed the results with her other officer in their own language.

“So, can I go?” I asked, rubbing my jaw, feeling a little sore after that. I wonder if I can sue them for that? Might at least get a free lunch voucher or something from the spaceport for the harassment.

“No, prisoner 20S2, you cannot leave. You were sentenced to twelve life sentences, don’t you remember?” She stated, as if that was something I should remember.

“No? What do you mean, twelve? How can I serve twelve? You only live once…..”

“Not with our race. It seems you tried to cheat the system by reincarnating into a human body. Did you think you would be able to avoid our detection by hiding amongst the humans? In a way, it was clever. We kept you imprisoned on our planet for eight life cycles. So, you moved to Earth, assuming we wouldn’t track you. We did, however, track you, and we altered your prison sentence to be undertaken on Earth. You really don’t remember this?”

“That is a really fascinating story, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Perhaps the change into a human body removed his memories? He seems far more dense than Blood Hand.” The other guard muttered.

“Blood Hand? That sounds cool. Maybe I am Blood Hand? I have that bad boy attitude. You know a Trixqlian said I was the baddest human she had met. Weird thing to say at a shooting range, but I think she was totally into me.” I puffed my chest out, remembering that day fondly. It had been going so poorly, too. I hadn’t made a shot all day, and she flirts with me. Guess I made one shot after all.

“Blood Hand murdered over two hundred people.” Atioa grimly stated, glaring down at me.

“Ah, then I’m not him. I’m a bad shot, can’t hit anything. I can’t even find my gun half the time. It’s a hunting gun too. Not a killing people gun, although I suppose you could kill people with it. BUT I DON’T.” I was sweating, feeling the two aliens peering down at me before muttering again amongst themselves.

After their discussion, they turned to me. “We don’t know what to make of you. You don’t look like a threat and we don’t believe this is an act. Blood Hand would never allow himself to look this stupid. If it’s true you lost all your memories, then perhaps we will need to review your sentence. As it stands, you cannot travel until that process is finalized.” Even if Atioa’s words weren’t ideal. It was better than being dragged away to some secret alien interrogation facility.

“Sure. When should I expect an update?”

“Fifty years at the earliest.” The other guard said, clearly not understanding human lifespans.

“I’ll be nearly dead by then. Can’t we speed this up?” I asked, hoping to clear up this misunderstanding.

“If we find something substantial in our investigation, we will inform you earlier. Until then, remain on your prison planet.” Atioa left, and the other guard returned to his duty, leaving me standing awkwardly in the spaceport. I doubt I was going to even get a refund for this, since being an alien criminal in a past life wasn’t on the insurance policy. Still, it was better than any alternatives. At least I still had two weeks off work, even if it was now going to be spent lounging around the house, watching alien dramas on tv.

[honeysugarchocolate]

hi i commented on the art of hanging by your toes like a fruit bat by this same user and just wanted to say that i hope you're healthy and happy right now :) read some of your recent fics and i'd probably fill this message with memories scraped from my marrow so all i want to say is that you somehow grow with each line; your writing is just so beautifully haunting. that said i am obsessed with the way you capture the fleeting, withering years of one's youth. what it is to grow into a body, a body, not a soul. augh you are a gem thank you for being here

hii omggg i remember you if only because you wrote me something so personal it felt like a conversation over coffee. somewhere in the fourth dimension, a few quasi meters apart. it’s so sweet of you to reach out again <33

idk about happy tbh but im buoyant and will wait out this flood until it dries as all things do. saying i grow with each line is just… thank you. i love you so much for this. bc i do crumble and every poem/essay i read is a revolution and i do like to think not one word leaves me quite the same after reading it. i always write in an attempt to dip into that which makes me human, and in hopes that it’d pulverize me under its weight. at first it was a means of escape bc at the time i thought no one was sadder than me, no one could possibly be feeling heavier than this, it felt like i was a breath away from turning into a black hole. but you grow a little older and realize the real blackhole is life, and no one escapes it. to quote glück whose poetry i’ve been revisiting for the past days,

“It is true there is not enough beauty in the world.

It is also true that I am not competent to restore it.

Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use."

so, as of late, i try to write bc i want to be open and i want to be more than my hurt and more than the years i’ve lived. bc i’m in love and i seek more love in all things and from all people. and obviously love isn’t salvation nor is it enough to carry us through the infinite ruin that is this life (at least to me who’s grown out of her rose-colored glasses) but on some days it feels like it is, and in my writing and in my characters i definitely make sure it is, somehow, between the lines. the small moments. w.h auden, who’s one of my fav poets, says,

“There is no such thing as the State

And no one exists alone;

Hunger allows no choice

To the citizen or the police;

We must love one another or die.”

i didn’t mean to ramble so much i’m sorryyy but you give off the feeling that you’d listen attentively and that you care. you’re so kind, stranger. i hope you know that, and i hope you’re doing well and that you’re warm and happy and loved. thank you so much for this. pls feel free to message me if you ever wanna chat about this or that, or have a stray thought you think i might enjoy chewing on too. in my mind we’re friends already :)

[hismercytomyjustice]

Tbh I’m closer to my husband’s extended family than my own. Mostly not for any drama reasons. I just happened to lose both my grandmas when I was still pretty young (6 & 17) and they were the glue that held my extended family together. Without them, everyone just drifted apart.

There have been little blips here and there where I’ve reconnected with some of mine, but it’s never lasted. And the one time I did fully let one of them back into my life, they took advantage of my generosity until I had a literal mental breakdown, so… Lol.

I am not allowed to talk to that person anymore. Lol. Not like, actually. I just mean that my family, friends, and therapist (and old therapist) are adamant I don’t for the sake of my own well-being.

And like, it’s hard sometimes. I still really feel for that person and want to be there for them and to help them. But they’re like a blackhole that only takes and never gives. Which I still somehow struggle with because why would you ever want to take advantage of someone who cares about you?

But whenever I think about trying to let them back in a little, I know literally no one in my life would think that is a good idea. And tbh, it’s easier for me to gauge that through others than it is for me to realize it for myself.

Idk if that makes me wildly naive or a dreamer or both. Probably both, lol.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[rosesarewilted]

If you fall in love with me, don’t.This isn’t some cliche poem about my childhood suffering from the lack of a male role model because that would be a terrible lie. And my mum raised a daughter with a guilty conscience, not a liar. Anyways, I’m here to warn you about what you might be getting yourself into. I smile by habit, not by choice. I giggle out of empathy, and humour, or embarrassment, but never to purposely spike. I get jealous when I see that someone can provide for other people in a way that I can’t. And I go through phases just like the moon, but I always complete my lunar cycle and return to my bright self again. And you should probably know that I’m emotional. Like really emotional. In fact, I may even think I have you fooled about I’m feeling, but because my mum didn’t raise a liar, I am forced to unintentionally wear my big sobby heart on my sleeve. Oh and I’ll let something slide 1,016 times, but after that, I don’t give second chances. I’m also an incredibly all-or-nothing person to a fault. But when I am invested in something, I’d rather lose everything good I have before I even consider declaring bankruptcy. But remember : there’s two sides to every coin, so if you fall in love with me, don’t. Because in every lunar cycle, the moon disappears for a while, and it has a dark side too. I will keep filling and filling your glass until it’s overflowing and my pitcher has gone empty, and I realize it’s left me drained. When I’m drained, I’ll get frustrated, and sometimes I’ll go into hiding. I’ll either take a solo hike or get on my bike just to get my distance, peace and alone time. But don’t you worry because I’ll eventually turn around and come home again. Oh and I’m obsessed with galaxies and stars, but it depresses me to know these things will either get swallowed by a selfishly hungry blackhole or explode and die in a supernova or whatever. But that’s beside the point. The point is : I’m a tangled mess of contradictory things. But I’m not saying this to scare you.I’m saying this to warn and protect you and to properly love you and to tell you not to worry about a thing. Because remember I am an all-or-nothing person, so if I fall in love, I am all in for you and that if you somehow fall in love with me, don’t.  Because I won’t be limited to loving you, but I’ll be head-over-heals for your smile, your giggle, the face you make when you’re embarrassed and the look in your eyes when I know you’re jealous. I’ll fall in love with the way you endlessly try to please people and how it drives you crazy that it’s never enough. Or how you selflessly pour your pitcher to hydrate someone despite the fact yours is partched. I’ll fall in love with your phases, both dark and bright, and how sometimes you might go into hiding when you’re frustrated. I’ll fall in love with how you pretend you’re not emotional despite the fact your feelings are trying so hard to escape your eyes. And that special way you recharge yourself when you feel drained. I’ll even love your heart after you’ve given your last second chance to someone for the 1,016th time because I know you’re a tangled mess of contradictory things.

So please don’t just fall in love with me, because I’m not going to fall in love with « just you ». You’re too complex and complicated for it to be that simple, and so all I ask is that if you fall in love with me, you’ll fall in love with my infinite complexities too. 

[ackmate]

January 28 2023

Hello all and happy new year! Would you look at that, it’s already 28th of the first month in 2023. Time flies for old people and crawls for babies I swear. And I’m going to assume that it’s biologically proven because babies aren’t even conscious until 5 years old, when every single thing amuses them.

Well anyway I have had a great Christmas break and new year so far. Not to put in consideration the fact that I don’t know what to do with my life and I don’t have a clear career prospect yet.

Daniel visited me to Japan since two weeks ago and he just left me all by myself again literally two days ago. It’s made me think a little about my romance.

I am not a slave to love by any measure. I have my own goals (Which I still struggle to make at least within reach) and I have my own priorities, so far being close to my dogs and creating a close community of friends or people I can rely on for life.

Like I don’t want to be holding a funeral and have No one to even invite. No stable connections that would even make it there. It’s one of the things I have struggled since forever as you may know...

I guess I felt the pull to even write in because I just want to sound my feelings out you know. To the universe or something. Because I’m just a really fancy, intellectually equipped ape, tiny little ape with hobbies and interest on this vast round earth, within the spread of stars and galaxies and I JUST WANT ONE JOB.

Just one design job making posters, packagings, any print work I’ll do it! It’s just... difficult. Maybe I’m probably not trying hard enough... I know I need to reach out but all this online connecting with “people” isn’t really my thing. I’d much prefer an in person meet cute or something...

OR JUST A JOB.

Dear universe... and the stars... our Sun... and Moon. I wonder when you all will align for one second to allow a company giving me an offer. I’m 25 and I’m scared of not being able to make my own money.

Thank you. I love you. You’re doing so great keeping the blackholes away.

Good night...