#I just don't want it to be Nothing yknow. Like if I go to the doctors and their like. Lol your fine it'll go away on its own like. Wahh
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GONE GIRL. masterlist
if you know the whereabouts of this person, please call 911 or contact the kildare county sheriff's department at 252-290-6688
NAV ! Part One. Part Two. Part Three.
Community in Shock: Teen Missing in Kildare County
Boyfriend Named Person of Interest
Police and civillian search parties alike are continuing their hunt for missing teenager Y/N L/N. The girl was last seen leaving her job at the country club on July 22nd at approximately 5:30 p.m. with her boyfriend, Rafe Cameron, who has already been questioned by the police but refused to provide comment on the investigation when asked.
She was last seen wearing her work uniform: a white button-down shirt with the name of the private establishment—"The Island Club"—embroidered in gold, a black tennis skirt, a pair of disheveled converse, an "R" pendant necklace, and a diamond tennis bracelet.
"We are doing everything we can to find her," said the sheriff of the Kildare County Police Department, Susan Peterkin, when pressed for comment. "It is unclear at this time whether foul play was involved, but we are exploring all possibilities and exhausting every lead."
She also urged that anyone with any information regarding the possible whereabouts of Y/N contact the sheriff's department immediately at their official number 252-290-6688 or via the anonymous tip line.
Y/N L/N resides at 313 Lakeshore Drive in a small home that was described best as "neglected." Y/N's father refused to speak on the topic, but a neighbor shared that he and the teen allegedly had a strained relationship, the police having been called on multiple occasions for domestic disturbances. In fact, multiple neighbors expressed concern for the teen's well-being in the days and weeks leading up to her disappearance.
"Y/N had it rough at home. Those two were always going at it, fighting like cats and dogs. I can't tell you how many times the cops came knocking at my door asking about that family," the neighbor, who requested anonymity, reported. "I don't know why the cops didn't take that girl out of that house. I mean, her dad aside, just look at it! That place is one strong gust of wind from toppling over!"
Neighbors weren't the only ones with concerns about the girl. Her friends also provided comment on the situation.
"Y/N and Rafe were always together, but there were times where she seemed distant around him, like she didn't want to be there—and I don't blame her to be honest," one of Y/N's close friends, Kiara Carerra, told us when asked for comment. "I wouldn't be surprised if he did something to her. I mean, obviously, I hope nothing happened to her, but yknow..."
Another friend of Y/N and fellow pogue, JJ Maybank, also wanted to say some words. "Y/N was one of us, yknow," JJ said. "I don't know exactly what happened, but I know she would never just take off without telling us, telling me." JJ was visibly shaken while speaking about her, and when asked about the possibility of foul play being involved, he had this to say: "I don't trust him. I never have. He's a kook, one of the worst of them too. All he cares about is himself."
JJ Maybank was going to say more, but his best friend sitting nearby, John B. Routledge, cut him off. "We all just really hope this isn't as bad as it looks. We all want Y/N to come home alright."
Rafe's status as a Kook, his family affluent and prominent in the community, fueled further speculation about the relationship's dynamics as Y/N was from The Cut, the working class side of the island, and she worked multiple jobs, the two lovers from completely different worlds.
However, Rafe's father and influential real estate developer, Ward Cameron, was quick to comment on rumors of their rocky relationship and his son's potential involvement. "All of these rumors are incredibly harmful to not only our family but also the investigation. Our family is cooperating with the police as much as we can. We all want to see that young lady come home safe."
As the investigation continues and the police remain tight-lipped about the situation, residents of Kildare County are left with more questions than answers, and the community is left grappling with uncertainty and fear.
The whole island prays for Y/N to come home safe and sound, but as each hour passes, the time ticking farther and farther from when she vanished, the atmosphere grows tenser as we begin to wonder if we will get any answers as to what happened that day at all.
notes .ᐟ woah, new chapter 😏 how we feeling...
taglist .ᐟ @starkeysprincess / @cometmultiverse / @iheartjjmaybnk / @all4l0vee / @kissesfrmriri / @bradshawed / @fallbhind / @rafeslittleangel / @bakugouswaif / @fakedhearts / @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 / @riaras-everthroner / @memoirofasparklemuff1n / @rafeysangelbaby / @starkeying / @stayonmars / @mileyraes / @davinashifts333 / @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account / @or-was-it-just-a-dream / @elvislover1967 /
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#🎀#𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 📖 sol writes .ᐟ#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x pogue!reader#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x fem!reader#rafe#rafe x pogue!reader#rafe x female reader#rafe x fem!reader#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron and reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe x you#outer banks#outer banks fanfiction#obx rafe cameron#rafe cameron obx#rafe obx
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thinkin about the conversation abt guilt between jon and helen again. and how the distortion realized “i wasnt going to stop doing it so i decided not to feel bad”. and how Feeling Guilty About It never changed anything for jon. it didn’t stop him from feeding. didn’t stop him from hurting people or being rude or abrasive. certainly didnt fix the apocalypse he was tricked into causing. his guilt never helped or saved anyone, and his choice to carry it around with him was mostly for self flagellation purposes. but also it was because he never stopped seeing people as people. even when they were his prey they were people. it’s just. !!!
GODDD YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. SEASON FOUR KILLED ME. SEASON FOUR CHANGED ME AS A PERSON. Grggrgr. God you don't even know. Ok ok.
Jon wants so badly to be a good person but he doesn't want to *get* better. He wants to BE better. Which. I never saw portrayed so accurately in fiction before and kind of felt like seeing my internal organs just. Out there. On the screen. But yknow. He wants so so bad to be good and he has no idea how to actually Stop hurting people and giving up these awful behaviors means giving up the things thatve kept him safe his whole life. His desperate attempts to do better in s4 are often met with rejection, and regardless of how understandable the others actions are (and I will argue it was understandable till the heat death of the universe) it ends up leaving him in this limbo where he doesn't feel like changing is Working. And it doesn't really help that he only tends to actually understand his feelings and other people's perspectives until they've blown up and he can't ignore them anymore. He so badly wants to be a good person but he's kind of just. He's not given up on per say but he's so angry and frustrated about it because nothing he does seems to be good enough or actually seem to improve in any meaningful way.
Ok ok on the note of the actual conversation you brought up. Sorry i got very sidetracked. Jon and guilt is so so interesting because it's embedded so deep in his personality. So much of who he is was fundamentally shaped by guilt and shame. And it doesn't actually fix anything. Most of his actions fueled by guilt or wanting to Repent don't actually do anything good. It partly stopped his whole murder crusade but tbh. There was also other things going on, less just Jon Guilt and more so Jon actually reflecting. It's almost like actually reevaluating your shit is more effective than self punishing. Guilt is so deeply rooted in every aspect of his actions throughout the series and it doesn't make him kinder most of the time. If anything it makes him more bitter and impulsive. But he can't afford to let go of his guilt less he starts just letting himself hurt everyone near him, but it was never actually the guilt that stopped him. He only really started stopping himself from doing shit out of compassion and care for the few people he had left. Guilt never stopped him, but he never let go because he Needed it to stop him from doing worse. But it wasn't the shame that had stopped him, he'd been ashamed his whole life and it actively made him worse. What did stop him in the end was the one person he had left being so furious at him but staying with him anyway, because he loved him.
Also I have Big Feelings about Jon and Helen's relationship and how Jon giving up on Helen was when he gave up on himself but that is a topic for another day. Jonathan Sims the man that you are. Boy why are you so guilt.
#the magnus archives#tma spoilers#jonathan sims#im just saying. that i think its very telling that his guilt never made him better#but he noticably hugely improves anytime hes given like. more than ten minutes of kindness AND hes willing to accept it. yk#like he was very resistant at the start but. yk#god. jonathan sims.#candyskiez asks#mutual spotted
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Already seen victim blaming on xitter 👍 Lets not do that and lets leave the hermits alone. Make up your own minds on if you should support Iskall. But I feel like if one of his VH team members leaving for differing morals, the hermits going back 6 plus years to remove him from thumbnails and titles, and removing him from the site and merch should be enough Doc even said they can't talk about it which could mean anything, including something legal. Mumbo said there were no minors invovled but doesn't mean others weren't since there ARE victims Just leave the hermits be, and let the victims decide if they want to come out. And stop victim blaming lmao
#hermitcraft#drama#tagging it that tho its not drama and serious#Let the hermits have time to get through this too#as someone who has something like this happen and wasn't given that its not fun just leave them be#never got how that was so hard to do#sit back and wait but if they can't or won't talk about it accept that#I'm not going to talk about this#there is basically nothing out about it only things I've seen#you decide what you want to do#guess those people who wanted him out got what they wanted lol#I don't like people thinking it might be less of an issue cause stress left too jsut makes me hmm more#but not my monkies not my circus#Just needed a little venty vent cause I'm already seeing the same thing I went through and what I seen in the wc fandom happening#like stop demanding the hermits share#also stop saying but his mental health#mine is in a ditch on the side of the road and my friends have terrible mental health too and none of us ever acted out#🤷#dunno might delete this later#you can be upset just don't make it about YOU yknow
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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MY OFFICIAL DAYSHIFT AT FREDDYS 2 REVIEW:
peter is here yay hi peter my friend peter who i'm soooo happy to seeeeee! yayayayayayayayay
so- dsaf1 was kind of nothing imo, overall, a couple funny bits and interesting in a "seeing where a creator i like has come from creatively" angle, but broadly just doesn't have much to talk about, i don't think. a liiiittle bit agonizing to play.
dsaf2, on the other hand, absolutely has meat on its bones, and overall was really enjoyable!
comedy-wise, i think it stumbled in some parts- a few bits go on Way longer than they need to (the whole candy cat thing, the inexplicable extended always sunny reference??, and the freddy space oddity bit was definitely funny but dragged on a bit) but there's a lot of stuff here that absolutely made me laugh out loud.
(a lot of those just being sprites of jack and dave in their stupid mascot suits, their weird little faces peeking out of the mouths really crack me up. great design on those two and especially on their expressions, they're very funny-lookin.)
while he doesn't have much to him that i find especially compelling, dave in general is a really funny character, absolutely helped along by his hilarious tts voice. the tts voices overall are really good
story- and writing-wise, dsaf2 has a lot more going for it and it definitely compelled me. i think the line-to-line writing when in the more storyful or emotional moments is preeeeeettty shaky. it doesn't tend to have a whole lot of character to it (and i want to avoid Excessive comparisons but like. especially when comparing to dialtown's writing, which is absolutely brimming with character. look at one-off characters like tango who show up for a tiny amount of time but still have so much individuality and charm to em for what i mean) and feels pretty utilitarian, more often than not. the written jokes also don't land a lot for me, but that's in large part owing to "it's not 2017 anymore".
(i think this game's visual humor was by far the most successful. the fucking cop, peter's Photoshop Skills and the image he made of his head on a real buff guy got me, and so did this frame of davetrap:)
but the broad emotional strokes definitely hit for me- all the stuff about the kennedys and their relationships, mainly, less so for like. fredbear and the dead children but yknow. but the stuff between jack and peter, and peter and caroline, i think that worked really well (and to a lesser extent, jack and the marionette, owing to knowing the spoiler about her identity). i suppose part of that is having already known peter as a character in dt and being really fond of him going in, but i think i'd have found it plenty compelling even if i hadn't.
the bits when jack and peter begin to actually connect, and little tidbits like peter hugging jack on his way out, that definitely got me. i was also expecting jack and peter's relationship to be a lot more adversarial- i was surprised by them really connecting like that in the good route, and i'm nothing if not an absolute sucker for a sibling relationship like that. i really like them!
also the picture on the wall of peter and bald peter. please look at it. please look at it
i'm interested to know more about jack as a character. for the most part, he does just kind of seem like. generic player character, in his dialogue, but there's parts where something interesting absolutely shines through (his immediately changing the topic after delving into peter's past for example). his change in demeanor and the purple text in the true evil route is also interesting.
one of the coolest parts, as mentioned before, is also just seeing this earlier work having already been a massive dialtown fan. there's a lot in the humor and the general style of stuff here that's like, you can really see how the writing got honed over time and eventually developed into what we see in dt today (and, hell, even comparing base dt and roger dlc you see some of that development), it's just a really neat process to watch happen! like seeing ONE's artstyle get better over the course of mob psycho 100, yknow?
(and some things here make me very grateful dt is purely a visual novel with no gameplay segements.......those fucking cake children..)
it's also fascinating seeing little tidbits that would become like, an Actual Thing in dt- jack's own narrator stands out the most to me there.
i've been told that dsaf3 is far and away the best of the trilogy, so i'm excited to get to it! (and ROGER!!!!!AHHHH) (ive also heard great things about jake in particular. excited to meet him!)
IN SUMMARY
youtube
MY OFFICIAL DAYSHIFT AT FREDDYS 1 REVIEW:
dsaf1 is a game you can play, absolutely. it has. characters, and dialogue, and most of all, gameplay. it has all of these things, for sure
i need steven to die.
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It always comes back to me but I think about the Probably Not Intentional by the Devs implications that Papa Khan has depression and can be very rapidly convinced to kill himself like. All the time.
#I don't think the writers really meant for it but I can really see it#Regis saying how much he's changed and how he used to be much more rational before is a big part#My personal hc is that he's had that dog in him for a long long time and it's just come to the surface now due to recent events#But like. I mean I don't think oh my papa has the best resolution either way but#The one where you just tell him 40 years of work was for nothing and he's like. Huh.#And decides to go out attacking everyone at the dam and take the rest of the Khans down with him. Man. It's fucked. And so sad#Like I said I think oh my papas ending could have been a lot better#Unifying with the Followers for one thing yknow.#I don't think based on the rest of his personality he'd want to drag the rest of the Khans down too but he's like obviously in a bad place#Txt
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#basementcreation#digital art#my art#bpd#will i delete this later? who knows#whatever i'm sick of being embarassed and insecure and whatever#you're gonna read my amateur prose and you're going to LIKE it goddamnit#i didn't want this to come off as me acting like a victim and i'm not sure if i conveyed that well enough#lately i've felt like a part of me is absent and i'm scared because i don't know whether i can go back to what i was before#whatever that was#so many big feelings so little room blah blah blah#it's one big still lake yknow? time is stagnant and nothing exists (even more than it already didn't exist before)#in conclusion: maybe i should get into photography#(edit) actually i'm not done here#the twigs cracking line was supposed to be about getting hurt from things that aren't actually real#yknow? like being so on edge that i convince myself that people hate me and feeling hurt#but in reality it's just paranoia. maybe delusion honestly but i don't know i should probably talk to my doctor#anyway i just don't think i conveyed it clesrly enough
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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Ngl I should probably go to hospital rn but I don't want to cuz I have class tomorrow and I don't want to miss it
#nothing serious!!!#thankfully!!!#just my leg decided to be an ass and get hurt#which is a big no no when you have a bleeding disorder#and I started a new medicine so if I take it I need someone to watch me for like an hour#but none of my roommates can do that cuz they don't have a car to drive me if I have a reaction#so if my lef doesn't get better the I'll get an appointment with the student health center#yknow#so that they can keep an eye on me for an hour in case I start fucking dying lol#but like#going now would prolly be preferable#but I won't because I want to go class
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my parents aren't abusive in any way, but living with them is like... letting your kid cousin play with a prized collection, gritting your teeth and hoping for them to be done with it soon, knowing any second something could be broken, and anyway you'll have to put the whole thing back together right afterwards. and like the kid cousin, you gotta not necessarily keep an eye on them, but always be on call, thinking about WHAT the kid might be doing and WHERE they are, so you don't make them feel too unsuported or unheard
#i genuinely don't think it's even BAD parenting i think i just started snowballing into really long-term issues very young#and what is a parent to do in this situation with a kid that can't express things clearly with limited time with so many factors#so here i am. to the stage where i'm worsening my own problems all by myself#cuz yknow they didn't tell me DO THIS AND THIS AND THIS like last month or anything#but they do have repeatedly told me in the moments and in retrospect at various ages#that what i was doing was weird and incomprehensible and ''abnormal for that age''#and now i have the obsessive need to repay even a little bit of the infinitely deep pit of what i owe to them#i should spend time with them i should eat with them i should never cost them anything and repay the debt as soon as i can#i should go places with them and follow them and follow them and follow their pace of life#i should be there all the time and also leave them alone whenever they want and i should guess when they want to be together or alone#and nothing will happen if i don't! nothing! they will do nothing! nothing bad!#but i feel like i should fucking slit my throat if i don't!#every second i live with them i keep digging my debt and being the worst child there's ever been#if i were to live apart every second would be the EXACT SAME except even more expensive#i'm so close to just asking my mom if i can sort of squat grandma's flat until it's emptied#but like. like. what's even the point. what even is the point of a symbolic distance of One Kilometer#that's fucking selfish and stupid to even entertain the possibility#but like at least i think i could work more#and better#i should've fucking gone through with it this summer#broadcasting my misery#vent
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does anybody have any advice on seeking a diagnosis for chronic fatigue or just like. a chronic illness in general? I don't know how to bring up something specific like that w my doctor without like... seeming like I'm trying to diagnose myself and being dismissed
#I've never actually had a real appointment w this doctor before either so I don't rlly know what to expect from him yknow#I don't want to just pointedly bring up symptoms either#every time I've gone to the doctor before w problems they've either dismissed me#or been like okay we'll do some blood tests :^) and then nothing happens#so idk how to bring up a specific thing that I think is going and want medical evaluation of and help with#without coming off. a certain way idk#or being asked why I've never brought it up before if its been a problem like forever#and like. I have mental health stuff and insomnia and I don't want it to be brushed off as that...#anyway any advice woukd be much appreciated!!!#ghost posts#text
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shout out to thomas from ghosts for yoinking me out of a panic attack before it could really get going
#was shaking and trying not to cry and floating somewhere on the ceiling#then friday im in love came on the radio and reminded me of him doing his stupid little dance and it made me smile and calmed me down a bit#but i gotta give myself credit for not panicking at the panic too much and feeding it more#time was when feeling the thing i felt from first year tm would've sent me into a week long spiral#feels so stupid tho all it was was my volunteering manager asked if i wanted to start doing a longer shift#when im already struggling doing two measly hours a week and nothing else like jfc#but that's cos im not on my adhd meds which make life yknow tolerable and im gonna try getting back on them next week#and i also don't wanna start anything else bc i wanna change my name first so it's not quite so complicated#hahaaa it's already complicated and confusing and frustrating as all hell#but ik if i can just be patient and take these few months to figure stuff out it'll be so much better in the long term#im getting support for the gender tm and I've made so much progress in a month#i still feel guilty and ashamed bc im not actively job hunting or doing more volunteering#and like im just making excuses to let my anxiety win when ik i can cope with it#but i can't handle going into another situation where im misgendered and uncomfortable with my name#im at the end of my tether with it and i need to figure it out#wahoo#mine#vent#in good news tho im pretty certain im a dude more sure about pronouns and have a potential name im thinking of!!
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jesus fucking christ.
#abt wilbur.#abuse#this is largely going to be my rambling immediate largely self centric thoughts so . yknow keep scrollin if you dont want that.#i have nothing meaningful to add to the conversation except watch shelbys vod.#at first i only saw wills tweet bc my brother told me about it#and i thought it was about his EX ex girlfriend or something so i brushed it off like 'oh okay damn a general misunderstanding'#then i searched tumblr saw shubble. found her vod . jesus christ.#hes always poked fun at himself being like 'yeah im shit and manipulative'#so theres always been a nagging. ick . in the back of my head. but never enough to actually. stop myself from liking his content/music.#so yeah. another lesson in 'no no red flags exist for a reaosn. listen to your instincts is a saying for a reason.'#all the love and support to shelby. her candidness & how obviously much she HAS been able to grow past THAT SHIT is genuinely inspirational#not that she needs to be inspirational etc. etc. its just good to know she'll be okay. shes in a good place. thank god.#all the stress for wilburs content friends. whether theyve been manipualteed whether theyve whatever i hope theyre . making good choices.#i say give them time. ik theres a lot of creators immediately coming out. therell be a lot who have to process this shit.#there'll be a lot whove. knowinigly / accidentally been complicit. theyre individuals treat them as such.#personally i just . have not cared about m a n y dsmp era mcyt for a W H I L E . so im happy to detach forever at thsi rate.#i havent been in the mcyt sphere for a hot fucking minute now. i hope youre all doing okay.#this shit hits weird. its okay to feel weird. if you want somewhere to vent my dms the replies on this post the tags are all free and open.#don't stew in it. you dont have to fear feeling selfish or self-centric or shifting the spotlight. you need to let that shit out.#thsis hit sucks !!!! a bunch of his/lvjy songs are comfort songs for me.#idk what the fuck to do about that. my immediate /want/ is to burn it. but thats easier said than done sometimes#if youre gonna 'separate the art from the artist' at least fucking pirate his music. youtube to mp3 that shit.#you can add local 'on your computer' files to spotify.#seperate art from the artist by seperating his monetary gain of YOUR consumption of it as much as possible. /AT LEAST/.#but also good luck separating his largely personal art from him.#im not tryna be condescending im in the same boat.#fucking white whine in a wetherspoons is no. 2 on my panic attacks playlist.#thats not his to take from me anymore. but ik if i listen to it ever again itll make my skin crawl.#ofc its not about me. its not about us the unaware fans. and im glad to know for sure now hes a REAL piece of shit.#m
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So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing
#rat rambles#oni posting#for now I must sleep but hopefully tomorrow Ill figure out how to decompile files#the real question is going to be if Ill be able to do this on my shitty ass laptop or if Ill need to figure smth else out#I just want to be able to view stuff so ideally it won't make my laptop chug too bad but rly Im more worried abt space#I might have to try to do some cleanup and delete some shit maybe Ill go scan through the shit that came pre installed#and hey maybe if I can get this to work I can go mega hacker mode and tweak some stuff for funsies#probably wont since I don't wanna break my game and I dont trust myself but yknow#itd probably help if I actually retained any information from the Two programing classes I took when I was younger but alas#one of them was even specifically a video game programming class and lemme tell you I remember absolutely nothing#also from what little I was able to view without fancy applications I have no new info but I can finally fully put jean in the we 100% know#their last name zone cause while we definitely already 100% did Technically we only got jea- for first name confirmation#but theyre referred to as jean in a note in a bio bot story traits file ty whoever added the notes there#god I hope theres other notes in the files I want to read those so bad#btw this was all spurred by that one nails log that disappeared cause I have found a file that looks like it but I cant fully view it#and I desperately need to view it I need to view it#also if I can look in the code then in theory itll make copying down all the lore logs easier#also the datamining thread of the forums hasnt been particularly active so who knows maybe I can become a proper dataminer#(<- will not do that probably unless it turns out to be easier than I thought)#but admittedly I am interested in hunting for potential future update content even if I probably won't hunt too hard for it#again Im mostly just hunting for lore#hey maybe if Im lucky Ill find some genuinely new and usable information in that department#maybe the secrets of b363 and dr. holland lie in the files ooooo (they probably dont)#man it'd be nice if I had a proper pc itd make my life so much easier and my desk feel less enpty lol#in a world where I get to play videogames at a higher framerate than 10fps#I mean we do have some older computers laying around the house although theyre probably also crusty pieces of shit#idk maybe I can see if I can salvage one itd be nice to have a proper computer to fuck about with#Im sure my mom wouldn't mind as long as its one that hasnt been touched in years#which tbf I dont know how many options thatd leave me but we at least have one computer that could theoretically be usable#albiet its definitely packed with viruses from me and my siblings being dumb kids
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no actually. Can I be honest for a second. I know I said I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore but idgaf
#AGAIN detransitioning is absolutely okay!!! i have absolutely nothing against that. it's totally fine that you figured out that simply#didn't work for you#i NEED to make it clear there's nothing wrong w detransition#the thing that makes me feel so uneasy about this specific case is that she told us she was doing it BECAUSE she became#a christian again#not becasue she simply figured herself out. but i don't know what's going on inside her brain maybe she did i have no idea#but the way she said just#made me feel like she now thinks being queer is a 'sin' again#and also she was one of the only people i could talk about my dysphoria with#and it hurts. it fucking hurts man#i feel so alone and like i will never be able to escape my past with this religion that i want nothing to do with anymore#i respect my friends and their beliefs. im not asking them to change them#it's just that. im afraid of being The Queer One#and that they only pretend to accept me#i know its not the case for all of them. one of them is my childhood best friend and she supports me wholeheartedly#so does this other friend that i think is the only other non-christian here. even though he doesn't fully understand it#he's still supportive#it's not like they're all awful or something. No! theyre my friends and i love them!#i just feel. alone yknow. about this specifically#and afraid#Anyway Rant Over#lennie.personal#negative
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not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!
#like. yeah i'll take the raised minimum wage. i guess. but jesus christ#yes you are doing slightly good things sometimes almost. can you stop killing people though. please. that is a higher priority#like this is my first prezzy election season since i turned voting age right and like. what the fuck am i supposed to do now#what am i supposed to do with this. it took me 5 fucking months to pick a dead cockroach off my floor how am i supposed to fix this.#how am i meant to be a person and go on living while knowing i am doing nothing and cannot do anything and won't do anything#i need to fight i need to get up but i am stuck. im always stuck. i pray yknow. i don't know what else to do#how can people think about buying houses and getting promotions in this world. how are they not feeling likr their chest is caving in every#time they falter in their complex self-distraction. how am i supposed to do anything when all i can think about is helping and my body won't#let me. i cant do anything i cant but i have to but i cant. im supposed to and im a bad person if i dont and i cant live like that.#and if i am too upset about that i am punished for it by the people around me and ignored by those in power if not punished as well.#i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving#the life i was built to love and i can't understand why you think it's even thinkable to do what you're doing. or what im doing.#i just want to look at clovers and paint and be good to my neighbors but you won't stop fucking murdering people in front of me#and i can't fucking do anything. i cant take care of the people i love i can't carry my own weight i can't take care of myself i can't move#and im supposed to fucking file taxes? to fund mass slaughter? on the off chance it might go to welfare or something. god.#i hate it here i hate it here america is a fucking nightmare it is hell i can't stand it but if i leave im just running and saving myself#whch is selfsh and cruel and so i would never be able to escape the feeling and i would always be in american hell because it' a part of me#but if i stay i cannot do anything because my body is filled with smoke and broken glass and im supposed to fucking get my drivers license#so i can buy groceries or get a job so i can keep myself on life support watching everything get worse and worse around me#and knowing that nothing has ever been good here and ive been lied to forever and im still being lied to#and i am in hell.#and me dying won't fix it and me living won't fix it ans both are too painful to even consider.#i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning and my skin is on fire im on fire and i want to have children. but i can't imagine#doing that to someone. oh my god. and to raise them and watch them come to understand what this place ive brought them to is#that ive raised them in a slaughterhouse and to feebly try to show them the clovers and the ducks and the baby shoes and teach them to love#when maybe that love of the world is a distraction. or maybe i use it as one. i think of the blood as an obstacle to love and joy but maybe#i would not love the world so much if i was not so constantly desperately scared and ashamed of living in it#and i am a very lucky person. my life is cushy and i want to rip my skin off because what does that matter when it doesnt let me help people#god help me. but help the rest of them first. but i am helped first anyway and i hate it. i dont. i cant. god.#nyarla dni
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