#I just about drove myself insane one night trying to figure out how to draw Shin's right arm

[fireboos99]

I literally do not have anything smart to say here, this drawing literally only happened because my siblings were telling me I should post my brainrot doodles on here, and my anxiety-ridden ass couldn't do it, and decided the only solution was to spend days (read: the entire latter end of April) working on a proper drawing because "if I'm going to post anything on tumblr, it better be a full-ass drawing"

[pbandjesse]

We just had a stressful 20 minutes. Everything is fine now but man. Did not expect that! Sweetp tried to jump over the fence. We banished him into the house but then he pushed open the catio door?! Broke the caribeaner and was alone in the back!! And then in figuring out how to secure the door me and James were in the basement finding a drill bit and I accidently stepped on James's hand so hard they are icing it now. We are just killing it tonight.

Today was not nearly as stressful. It was mainly a really nice day. Mostly restful even if it was to hot.

I didn't sleep great though. I was not feeling amazing emotionally last night and was really upset. Which just made me frustrated with myself. And with James and with the world. So it wasn't the best sleep. And when I woke up I felt. Bleh. The sun was to bright. The world was to hot. But I went and got cleaned up and tried to feel better.

And I did. My hair was dirty and I was to hot. But I was having a nice day. Even if I was sweaty.

I continued to only want to eat Celeste pizzas. I would have my brownie from the farmers market. And then a little frozen pizza. I would spend the morning doing some stuff around the house. I did some cleaning. I moved the one rug from upstairs into the studio. I want to reassess the little room so I was thinking about moving things around in there.

I would try to deal with the heat with fans. I had one going upstairs and two downstairs. The backdoor open. Just trying my best to deal.

I had Ruby the Roomba going and she kept getting stuck today. But it was fine. I put her in the doorway pit because it was really dirty down there. There is a rug that goes in the pit and I will put that back soon. I want to look at peel and stick tiles for in there too though. I just hate the fake wood so much. It feels bad and it looks so cheap. But it's such a small area I am not super concerned about it. It's low on the list.

I would go out for a drive. I took myself to savers to walk around. I listened to music and enjoyed how full the shelves were. There were to many people and they are clearly reorganizing the store so there were a few aisles I couldn't access. But that's was fine.

I found a vintage house building kit I'm excited about. And a few pieces of clothing. Nothing super exciting but some basics and some things I think will be nice for work. Unsure once I tried them on but with some adjustments I think they will be excellent pieces.

I paid and folded all my things and went to the car. I was shocked at how overheated I was. I had brought a nalgene of ice water and it was the only thing keeping me going I swear.

I went to joann's next. They did not have the big eye needles I was looking for. So I would have to order those online. But they did in have a buy three get three sale on thread. I am running low on black and white so I grabbed some of those as well. The line took forever but it was fine.

I drove down the road to go to the goodwill. Which is not a good goodwill but I did find two excellent mirrors. One is a round one with a silver tray and floral details on the edges. And the other is a vintage catalog piece with shelves that I'm going to use for mugs. And they both were only $10 together!! Amazing.

I decided to indulge in a craving I have had and went to Sonic for mozzarella sticks. But I won't be doing that again. While they were good enough, the sauce was sour, and for 5 mozzarella sticks and a small soda it was almost $9??!! Insane.

I went home after that. I was to hot. And my ears were closing up again. Stupid allergies. It was nice to be home.

When I got back here I tried on the clothes. Mixed results but I have some ideas. I would have a snack and hang out with sweetp. Periodically I tried to do some little tasks. I mainly would work on a drawing for my teddy bear hospital and then worked on some research and planning for me and Mom's trip next year.

James would come home before 5. And after drying off would hang out on the couch with me for a bit. We would hang the mug shelf mirror. And learned how to use the Bissell cleaner we got as a house warming gift. There was a learning curve but I'm excited that we have this now. I want to try it for the seats in the car.

We would chill for a bit but soon James said we should go get groceries. And we did just that. (After working together to carry a shopping cart across the parking lot that had broken wheels) We got a little more then James had planned. Snacks and such. But I think we did good. Though we were twarted by an older woman who kept blocking entire aisles and then was in front of us at the only open register and took almost 15 minutes?? The people behind us were angry but I was just like. Confused. But it was fine. We didn't take nearly as long. Packed and paid. I was a little annoyed because James got the cheaper toilet paper and I felt mad. But it wasn't a really a big deal I was just tired and to hot and wanted to go home.

When we got back here James put thing away. And I would drag my rocking chair outside to enjoy the evening. James would bring a chair and a table out too. So they could be on their laptop while I was watching videos on my phone.

We both got a scare when Sweetp jumped on the fence. Scared both of so bad we jumped up and I grabbed him and put him inside.

We would stay outside without Sweetp. He would go in the catio and things would be fine.

Eventually we went back inside. And that's when I heard a sound and was like hmm. Weird.

Then a few minutes later I was like. Wait where is Sweetp. And that's when I saw he was outside on the other side of the catio!! He had pushed the door so hard he broke the lock!! I was so mad!

And like I said in the confusion and trying to fix the issue I stepped on James and felt so bad. But everyone is okay now. Sweetp is trying to hang out because he knows we're upset. But hopefully tomorrow we can try again and everything will be safe and no one tries to go over the fence!!

I cannot wait until we have a good fence and a better backdoor. Hopefully very very soon.

Tomorrow is memorial day! Me and James are going to their cousin's going away party in DC in the afternoon. It is supposed to be a rainy day. But that is okay. I am just hoping it is cooler.

Now though I am going to go wash my hair. Jamea is hanging the smaller mirror in our bedroom for me. I am tired and a little unsettled but I am okay. And I love you all. Goodnight my friends. Until tomorrow.

[lubdubsworld]

Change of Heart ( Taehyungx OC)

Chapter 1   Chapter 2    Chapter 3     Chapter 4     Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7

Summary : Times are changing. After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all….. He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.

: Pairing : Taehyung x OC / Werewolf AU!!

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Warnings : story gets a little serious from now on out... there's a lot of sexism, misogyny, degradation of women , and well morally untoward actions by people ......the oc gets roped into something exploitative and wrong. She is consenting but she's also pressured. So , please remember that this is just fiction.

Chapter 8

“Rae, calm down... i didn’t mean i want you to  leave right now..” Taehyung gripped both my wrists with his hands , tugging me away from my things . When I didn’t move, he gave me a gentle nudge toward to bed, prompting me to sit down.

“You’re just-” I began angrily but he cut me off. 

“Just sit down for a second and we can talk about this.” He begged, grip gentle as he held my hands . I tried to pull my hands away but he merely linked our fingers together, squeezing gently. 

I glared at him but sat down nonetheless. He stared down at me for a second before carefully, kneeling down in front of me.

My throat went dry at that. I doubted Kim Taehyung had ever kneeled , anywhere, in his entire life. 

“I’m sorry, Rae. “ He whispered, thumb tracing circles on the back of my palm. “ I was out of line talking to you like that. I would like to think, after everything we’ve been through, we’re at least friends.”

 Someone put me out of my misery,  I closed my eyes in dejection. 

“Please don’t give me a , ‘ we’re better off as friends’ speech... Please, I absolutely cannot handle that from you right now.” I whispered. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that I was out of my head when I came here just now, things were going south in the office and I was stressed out.... I swear I didn’t come here intending to talk to you about Eun Woo..... I came here to check up on you.....I just, I saw you with Jungkook and then you told me you were going to leave with him and I panicked and told you about Eun Woo. I’m sorry and I know I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. Not now, when you’re clearly still hurting.” 

I stared at him.

“You know just the right things to say, don’t you?” I shook my head.

Taehyung made a noise of impatience, scooting forward on his knees and his hands dropping to grip my waist through the thick towel wrapped around me. Suddenly aware of being just in my towel, I stopped breathing when he pressed closer, kissing the edge of my jaw. 

“I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into sleeping with me. Trust me...when I was talking to Seokjin about not wanting to mate you... I didn’t mean that I didn’t want you because I wasn’t attracted to you....I meant that I didn’t want to forcefully bring you into a world that is going to be cruel to you.” 

“I don’t know if I can believe anything you tell me anymore.” I said softly and his arms came around me, tugging me closer till he pressed his face into the curve of my breasts. 

“I’m not just anybody, Rae....You know that. Being with me isn’t the same as being anyone on the street. I.. I’m a public figure. Someone who has made his disdain for humans pretty clear.... “ He pulled back to stare at me.  He looked devastated and I felt my heart lurch treacherously again . He pressed another kiss, this time to my lips, before drawing back. 

“I know I hurt you.....but my cause is bigger than me, than anything I could want or desire. There are people out there...my people... people who have spent hundreds of years being punished for something they can’t control. And until , I o my part , until I use my wealth and power to bring some change in their lives, I don’t belong to myself.” He looked haggard , pressing his palms to his face, rubbing the exhaustion out of his eyes and I couldn’t harden my heart against the pang of sympathy that bloomed inside me. 

“I’ve never asked you to give up on your cause. Isn’t that the whole reason i came with you last night?” I reminded him and he nodded.

“Yes...and look how that left you. “ He shook his head, “ I wasn’t even rough , Rae. I felt like a bull in a fucking china shop, touching you. So scared of breaking something, so fucking terrified I was going to hurt you ....It drove me fucking crazy...”

I stared at him in disbelief , reaching out and cupping his cheeks, forcing him to stare at me. .

“ Stop that. You did not hurt me. I’m not as fragile as you think... You’re hardly the first alpha wolf I’ve had sex with...” I said sharply and he groaned. 

“I know... Fuck, I know that... It’s just....My instincts get so jumbled with you. I want to make love to you, to make you feel good …But I also want to protect you and keep you safe and it feels like i can’t do both...” 

“You and I...we aren’t that different. What feels good for you feels good for me too...” I protested. 

Taehyung gave me a helpless look. 

“I was raised this way. I haven’t ever seen my friends and family treat humans with anything but wariness and fear. My family ..... My father and mother, they ....” He hesitated. “ They turned a five year old human child, because she was dying. She was dying and her mother begged them to save their daughter. My dad gave her the bite ..... The girl survived and she was a wolf, yes but she lived. Do you know what your kind did? They said what he did was illegal , and they put my dad on trial and sent my parents to prison for it. “

I stared at him, wide eyed. 

“My parents didn’t last a month. They died in a fucking dungeon because humans think its better for a five year old girl to die than be one of us. I lost my parents when I was eight years old because humans cannot fathom the idea of someone being different.....” 

“Taehyung, I am so sorry... i didn’t know..... “ I said quietly.

“I’m not saying that has anything to do with you. I’m not ignorant enough to blame every human I meet for something that happened a whole two decades ago. I know things have changed....that the world today is vastly different from how it was back then... but can you imagine what would happen if I started this thing with you? “ He sighed, shaking his head.

“Taehyung, what are you saying?” I asked , too tired to process what he was saying.   I could feel a headache coming on, strong and almost debilitating in its intensity .                                                                                                             

“ I  like you.... I would love to get to know you better.... Watching you with my daughter...fuck... I’ve never seen her so happy..... I would like nothing more than to give her a family.... but the people I live with. The friends I meet for dinners, the guys I hang out with for drinks....they don’t trust humans. They’re powerful men who have seen first hand how cruel humans can be and they’re not going to give up years of conditioning, just because my wolf chose to imprint on a human.”

I stared at him, not even sure what to say. 

“Taehyung, I haven’t hidden how I feel about you. I’m not ignorant about what its like between your kind and mine. I live in the preserve. You think I don’t know what it’s like to be a human in a community of werwolves? I know how people look at me, how they see humans in general. If we did this....I would never blame  you  for the way others treat me.” I told him, heart breaking because he had clearly  thought  about this. Thought about this enough for him to feel bad about the mere possibility of me being hurt. 

Taehyung shook his head in protest. 

“How do you think I would feel, if I had to watch my friends treat you with anything but respect? It would drive me insane. And if you think the werewolves in the preserve are cruel to humans, you don’t even know how bad the upper class weres are... They don’t see human women as anything but a sick fetish for them to indulge themselves in. I’m not going to bring you into a world like that.....” He gave me look that was steady and unyielding, his tone brooking no argument. 

I sighed.

“Okay. “ I said softly.

He stared at me. 

“Do you hate me?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I think we can safely establish that I am incapable of hating you.” I said tiredly.

He smiled. I hesitated just a bit, before reaching out to touch his shoulders. I curled my fingers a bit, tugging him closer for a hug and he indulged me, palms stroking my back as I breathed in the alluring scent of him. 

“ When this is over.... “ Taehyung said softly, “ I hope you and i could get dinner together. I want you in my life... even if just as a friend.”

 Isn’t that just the perfect recipe for disaster,  I thought miserably. 

“I’m not going to be your friend, Kim Taehyung ssi.... I don’t hate myself that much.” I pressed a kiss to his ear. 

He hesitated. 

“What do you want to be then?” He whispered.

I shrugged, pulling back to stare at him. 

There really was no point talking in circles, was there? 

“The woman you love.” I said , holding his gaze steadily. 

His lips parted, clearly unprepared for my bluntness. 

To spare him the embarrassment of replying, I went on. 

“But i know that’s not in the cards...so i would rather we be passing acquaintances.” I shrugged. 

Taehyung gripped my knees, squeezing. 

“I’ve not been with a woman in years. My wife, “ He grimaced , a flash of hurt and betrayal in his eyes, “ She... I didn’t even like her let alone care for her. I’ve forgotten what It means to love a woman...to worry about how my actions affect her...to act in a way that makes her feel how much I care for her.....”

I bit my lips, not sure what he was implying or  if  he was even implying anything. 

" Well then,   once my dad goes to prison... You can go back to that blissful time in your life when you didn’t know that I existed. .” 

I grabbed my clothes off the bed and made to move to the bathroom 

.“Rae.... wait.” 

I stopped,  staring at him. 

I felt his fingers on my wrist, tugging me gently and I watched the way his fingers looked, so large and warm over mine. 

I could feel him staring at me but .I stayed quiet. 

There really was nothing more for me to say to him. 

“I’ve forgotten how to love a woman but...” He bit his lips.” It doesn’t mean I can’t learn again.”

I choked out a laugh. God, I hated him. 

“Don’t you dare-”

“When this is over.” He continued firmly, “ When your father is in prison, I’m not going to walk away. I don’t understand humans, I don’t relate to your kind....I can’t feel the things you do but I can learn. I can and I will. After everything you’ve done for me, it’s the least i can do for you. ”

I shook my head. 

“ Do it for yourself. Do it to be a better person. Because sometimes the greater good isn’t enough to justify hurting people who are on your side of the battlefield. “ 

He lowered his head and I pulled away gently, moving away to get dressed, 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is he going to come pick me up? “ I asked casually, swallowing down another couple of pills. I wasn’t even in a lot of pain anymore. More a pleasant soreness all over . 

Taehyung exhaled, nodding.

“He’s ...a good guy but I still want you to tell me if he tries something....”

I turned to stare at him, eyebrows raised. 

“And what will you do? Antagonize the man who’s your only hope to bring my father down? Don’t be absurd Taehyung.. i can handle men like Eun Woo.” I turned back to the mirror. 

 I ran the brush through my hair, carefully examining my face for any stray marks or bruises. It had taken a bit of time an an extra layer of concealer but i looked relatively unmarred. 

“I just want to make sure you’re safe and-” 

“I can take care of myself.... I’m a big girl.” I smiled at him through the reflection in the mirror. . 

Although, just the fact that I was here, having this conversation with him was a fine example of how  bad  I was at taking care of myself. How I had a knack for making the worst possible choices, the kind of choices that ended with me with my heart broken over and over again because of the same damn man.  

God, I wanted to get out of this apartment. Wanted to get away from Kim Taehyung. Never wanted to see his gorgeous face again. 

“Eun Woo knows you’re my mate... He won’t....” 

My eyes snapped up to him.  

Just hearing that word made something leap inside me, something sharp and hurtful. Something that felt unbearable, an emotion that made me pulse with regret and pain and filled me with a need to sob out loud. 

i turned around and his eyes immediately flitted to mine. I knew they were a little damp. 

“Can you just...not call me that?  “ I whispered , my fingers beginning to tremble. 

Taehyung froze, staring at me with wide eyes.

“Rae...”

i closed my eyes , breathing deeply. I’d never felt so frustrated, so desperate to end things with someone and yet so incapable of doing just that  and i hated him, hated him for turning me into something so pathetic.

“Don’t call me your mate. That is not what I am and that is not how you see me. So just don’t. “ 

I tried to calm myself down. 

Taehyung didn’t reply so I went on. 

“I’m going to do this...not just for you , but for the people in that preserve. For Luna because I want her to grow up in a world where she has the chance to experience the same happiness that the rest of us do. “

“Yes, And I’m grateful..” Taehyung began but i held my hand up. 

“I’m going to do this but I’m not going to give you more than what I absolutely have to. I’m not going to let you play the besotted lover when we both know there’s no future for us that way. I need to protect my heart and I can’t do that if you keep confusing me. And that means you talk to me like you would talk to any of your friends.  ”

Taehyung just stared at me for a second before nodding sharply.

“Point taken.” He said gruffly , looking just a little annoyed.. 

 Good, I thought viciously. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re gonna have to get you more clothes like this, if we’re going to be together for real... ... You know the kind of life I lead...” Eun Woo commented mildly, shooting me a glance as he maneuvered the car out into traffic. He was pointing at the teal blue sheath dress I had on.  

It was pretty, spaghetti straps holding up the satiny material and molding to my body like a second skin. Taehyung had rented it out for me, and it had given me some satisfaction, watching him go slack jawed when I put it on. I was half tempted to tell him that I had won a lot of beauty pageants at my dad’s Country Club , back when I had still lived with him as a teenager. 

Over the years, I’d always dressed down, avoided make up and just not bothered too much. not because I didn’t enjoy dressing up but because it served no purpose. . Running up and down the ferry meant a lot of salty air on my hair and face and so, I had probably always looked like a drowned rat to Taehyung. 

“I have a whole closet full of branded clothes at my brother’s apartment. You don’t have to worry about me embarrassing you in public. I grew up as Jae hyun’s daughter .I know how the bougie class dresses, so please, just drive .” I was so tired, my eyes swollen although I hadn’t even cried. My heart felt like it had been wrung out . 

Eun Woo whistled.

“So you’re.... technically rich. Very rich.” There was a hint of interest there, laced with barely concerned excitement and it made my skin crawl.

I rolled my eyes. 

“I’m rich if i do exactly what my father asks me to. Which I won’t.”

Eun Woo chuckled. 

“So...this thing with Taehyung...it’s nothing huh? I mean, he’s clearly okay with you doing stuff with me.....” 

I glared at him.

“The only thing we’re going to be doing is finding out what my father’s upto.” 

He held both his hands up .

“Hey, I’m just wondering if he’ll tear my throat off if I shoot my shot.” 

I sighed, too exhausted to even entertain this conversation. 

“Don’t make this difficult.” I said tiredly and he grunted.

“He did a number on you last night, huh?” the lecherous glance he tossed my way was nauseating. 

I didn’t reply.

“Thought you were used to werewolves though...could smell that wolf on you...in the preserve.,.. Jungkook was it?”

I closed my eyes . 

Eun Woo looked handsome and elegant in his pin striped white suit and perfectly polished shoes but there was no mistaking the sheer unadulterated lust on his face when he looked at me. And the way he talked to me, like I was a hooker he had hired for the night. I suddenly understood what Taehyung had meant, when he said that wolves only looked at human women as a fetish. 

I glanced at my phone. It was a little past five. My father generally spent his evenings in his Yacht club, lounging about with his friends and scantily clad women. Eun Woo was a member too and the idea was to casually run into my father there. 

“I’m just saying...you have a thing for wolves...I’ll be more than willing to scratch that itch for you....” He was leering now and I willed myself not to scream when his fingers reached out, lightly stroking my cheek. I pulled away, bile rising in my throat. 

Feeling cheap and dirty, I dug my fingers into my thighs. 

“Thank you for the kind offer. I’ll let you know if I ever want to take you up on that.” I muttered. 

I watched as he pulled into the Yacht Club.

The Marina Yacht club was my father’s castle. It was where he held court thrice a week, all his rich and powerful bosom buddies flooding the place to get and stay in his good graces. 

Wine, Women, drugs and alcohol all topped with a healthy dose of anonymity and discretion. I stepped out into the lobby, surprised when a man called out my name.

“Mi Rae?? Is that you?” 

I felt my eyes widen when I recognized my dad’s old butler. 

��Mr. Gwan... Oh, I didn’t know you worked here?” I smiled despite myself, happily letting his wrap his hands around me in a warm hug. 

“Your father has been so kind to me.... He misses you.” The old man said softly.

I managed to return the gesture, bowing lightly.

“Is he here?”

“Out on the back terrace. A lot of his friends are here today.... Would you like to meet him?”

I nodded.

“Certainly. Could you tell him I’m here with ... Mr. Cha Eun Woo?” I smiled and looped my arm around Eun Woo’s , the latter pulling out his membership card and handing it over to Mr. Gwan with a winning smile. 

Mr Gwan bowed, leading us into the foyer which was milling with Seoul’s elite, men in polo t shirts and fitted pants and women in short summer dresses or flowery jumpsuits with huge hats. The crème de la crème of society, I thought , rolling my eyes internally. 

“Stop looking like that, doll. “ Eun Woo’s lips brushed my ear and I straightened my features, pasting a small smile as we followed Mr. Gwan, past the milling crowd and to the back, where the club opened into a beautiful terrace with a pool and a dance floor. 

Women in skimpy bikinis' lounged around the pool despite the lateness of the hour  and I saw my father, surrounded by four or five men, relaxing in the lounge chairs near the pool. They were all old and fat, my father standing out because he was always particular about staying fit and looking ten whole years younger. 

He looked surprised when he saw me, surprised but clearly pleased.

“Mirae..... And Eun Woo? What an absolute pleasure.” He stood p quickly, eyes glinting with delight when he took in my attire. 

“Good evening father.” I smiled, letting him pull me into a hug. My father turned to the men around, all of whom made no attempt to hide the way they were ogling me. 

“Gentlemen, my beautiful daughter, Mirae. And the man she’s seeing currently, I believe you’re all familiar with him. One of the finest men in the country. ” 

I tilted my head in acknowledgement, bowing lightly while Eun Woo shook hands with the men. 

“Cha Eun Woo at your service.” He drawled easily, holding a couple of fingers up and signalling a waiter to bring a couple more chairs for us. I smiled as he gave me a soft kiss on my cheeks.

“Why don’t we head over to the bar and you can pick a drink, honey?” He said , smile dazzling in its intensity.

I fluttered my lashes for effect.

“I’d love that.” I said , letting him lead me away with a quick, “ Gentlemen, a moment.” 

“That’s Taehyung’s undersecretary . The rest of them i can’t recognize but they’re all wolves. Your father’s been particularly sneaky, i see....” He whispered thoughtfully , the moment we were out of hearing distance and I blinked.

“What?” 

“That guy in the blue trunks, he’s a part of Taehyung’s cabinet. I’m sure of it.”

The bartender tapped the counter to get our attention and I startled. 

I pointed vaguely at one of the drinks and turned back to Eun Woo.

“Really? Oh my God, do you think he’s been telling my father about Taehyung’s plans?” 

Eun Woo nodded.

“That would explain things.... “

“We should tell Taehyung , he needs to fire that guy...” i said desperately and Eun Woo shook his head.

“No... we need to find out what is it that these wolves wants from your father... They’re obviously feeding him information for a price. We need to know what, although I think i have a pretty good idea.” Eun Woo smirked.

“What?” I said, curious but he shook his head, lightly kissing the tip of my nose. 

“Its a wolf thing... I’m just going to go back and lay some groundwork. You wearing a bikini underneath that dress?”

I frowned.

“Yes? Why?”

“Go to the dressing room and take your dress off. Come back and sit on my lap yeah? “

I stared at him.

“This better have something to do with ...”

“Baby, we’re running low on time. Just do as I tell you and you can be back in your TaeTae oppa’s arms in no time.....” He drawled, squeezing my hips hard and I flinched. 

He was so annoying.

But I did as he said and when I walked back to the rest of them, I saw that he was sitting a little ways off from the rest of them but close to the man in the blue trunks. The crowd had left, the gate leading to the terrace was closed and my father was nowhere to be found. 

it was just Eun Woo and the four men and the four or five women still in the pool.. They all looked at me when I got near and Eun Woo stood up waving before sitting back down. 

“Ah...Rae... Come on over!” He waved and I walked over, feeling ridiculously exposed in the electric blue string tied bikini. 

I smiled at him, casually sitting down on his lap, and letting him wrap an arm around my torso. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, my jaw and then whispered against my ear.

“Let’s give them a show.” 

I blinked, confused and then he pulled me closer, tugging me around till I was straddling him. I gripped his shoulders at the obscene position we were in , but he looked incredibly serious as he gave me a slight nod. Smiling, I lightly rolled my hips , letting the crotch of my bikini trace a small circle against the front of his slacks. He had taken off his jacket and it wasn’t that hard to get into the mood. The idiot was beautiful after all. 

“needy little thing....” Eun Woo chuckled. “ Dated a couple of betas but it wasn’t enough for her...Right baby?” 

I gave him a shy little smile, watching the men out of the corner of eyes. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing but, i followed Eun Woo’s lead and moved when he tugged on my hips, buried my nose in his neck when his palms fluttered against my shoulder.

“Sometimes they need a knot.... can’t settle for anything less....” Eun Woo went on, laughing and i stiffened despite myself. He pinched my thigh lightly, a soft, ‘  focus’  hissed against my ear. 

I swallowed, staying still.

He lightly dipped one finger into the waistline of my bikini and i jumped. 

“There’s something exciting about fucking a human .... so helpless and fragile and yet so thirsty to get dicked down by an animal.” Eun Woo went on and the men chuckled. 

I tamped down on the urge to knee him in the crotch. 

The greater good. 

 the greater fucking good. I reminded myself. 

 i was going to strangle Kim Taehyung. 

 “ Knows when to keep her mouth shut too. It’s a rarity with human women...... Always yip tapping about shit. “ Eun Woo went on. 

“She looks amazing...” The man on the left said...

“She looks even better when I have her wrapped around my knot.” Eun Woo chuckled.

The air seemed to shift around me. 

“Uh...yeah?” One of the men said.

“Of course....gets off on it too... People watching...right baby..? I could make you take my knot, right here on this chair with all these people watching and you’d love it...wouldn’t you baby?” 

“Fuck, that would be so hot...” The man in the blue trunks whined next to me and it made my skin crawl. I couldn’t do this. Not even for Kim fucking Taehyung. 

I dug my nails into Eun Woo’s sides. I’d had enough. 

“I have a resort up the Han River.... Secluded and private. Mr Yoon told me you guys have some sort of deal to finish up? Why not schedule it at my place.... Dinner and a show” Eun Woo squeezed my thighs hard making me yelp, “ My treat.” 

The men whispered excitedly.

“That sounds good. The seventeenth of this month. We have a ... meeting with a few associates. We’d require a lot of privacy . “ 

Eun woo hummed.

“Done. And sweet Rae and I will be there to take care of the entertainment . Now if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I have a few more pressing engagements.”

He spanked my thigh and I sat up, slowly climbing off him. He wrapped his arm around my waist , and I looked anywhere but at the men, bowing awkwardly as I let him lead me away from the terrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ow...Ow... Ow.. What the fuck..stop!” Eun Woo grabbed my wrists stopping me from raining more punches on him. 

“That was so fucking embarrassing you fucking pervert!!” I hissed and he gripped my wrists harder, so hard that I winced.

“I know!!!  just calm the fuck down. At least we know when they’re meeting the damn dealers. And it’ll be on our turf. “ He said angrily. 

I glared at him.

“So what , the cops can just walk in and arrest them...??” I stared at him in disbelief. 

it seemed so easy. 

“If they’re caught with the drug, yeah.” Eun Woo shrugged, “ Taehyung already has plenty of evidence linking your father to the drug,....all he needs is the physical record of your father in contact with the dealers. And if your father’s there on seventeenth its going to be a walk in the park. All we need to do is...well... possibly fuck in front of them.” 

I felt my jaw drop.

“I am not fucking you... not even if the survival of the entire human race depended on it.” I hissed.

“Relax, babe... It doesn’t have to be all the way through... beta werewolves don’t have a knot so these bastards get turned on watching alphas knot a woman... that's all it is... We give them that and they’re gonna play right into our hands.....” Eun Woo shrugged. 

“That is so gross...” I fought the urge to retch. 

“ We also feed some sort of nonsense to that undersecretary of his.. maybe a false raid elsewhere so these idiots have their guard down. it’ll be easy. “ Eun Woo shrugged

I groaned.

But I had to admit that Taehyung was right. Cha Eun Woo was a smart bastard. 

“And that's the best way to do this? I need to... pretend to have sex with you...” I tasted bile in my throat.

Eun woo smiled.

“For the greater good , baby.” 

i groaned. 

I hated werewolves. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Shit’s about to go down in the next chapter !! lemme know what you guys thought :D 

taglist :

@veronawrites

@ladyartemesia

@bumb1e--bee

@brooky95

Send me an ask if you want to be on the tag list :D 

[cottoncandyjester]

What is something you can say to they boys to break them, like something so mean and hurtful that they may cry?

Okay..OUCH!

As punishment for making me sad I’m doing this to the sweethearts

Warning: this is dark, like darling hates the yans and doesn’t care about their feelings at all.

Mateo:

You and mateo don’t like to fight, things get heated and he does t quite know how to dial it down once he get to that point. The argument was pretty dumb, you two couldn’t even remember why you were mad.

“You always do this!” You snapped out, your angry tone making him twitch lightly the noise making his head spin..he couldn’t handle yelling, it reminded him of his childhood.

“What do I do wrong? I love you! I worship the ground you walk on but it’s never enough!” He hissed out with a shaky bitter laugh “I-it’s like you hate me..” he whispers out lowly.

“I do hate you! I hate your stupid spotted face! I wouldn’t be so angry all the time if i was dating someone smart but instead I get you! You’re so stupid and dumb and ugly!” your anger startled him.

Mateo was silent as he looked at his arms in utter horror, the sight of the pale splotches all over his body made tears run down his face, you thought he was stupid..everyone thought he was stupid.

Mateo did the only thing that made him feel better..sob his eyes out now scratching at the blotches, blood dripping down his arms. “What the hell are you doing?!” You snapped out in annoyance.

“I-if I carve them out then you won’t hate me, r-right?! If I just carve them out then I’ll stop being ugly?!” He hissed out with a whimper as he dropped onto his knees suddenly biting and clawing at his skin

“I hate myself, stupid stupid stupid!” He sobbed out, suddenly letting out loud wailing of sorrow as he banged his head on the ground “stop..being..stupid!” He snapped out with each hit, the sickening cracking noise startling you.

Hikaru:

Angering Hikaru was an easy job, simply talk back and an argument is crafted but this time was different. You were done cowering in fear, he hurts you so many times that it was time for payback.

“Damn it, piggy I’m talking to you! Stop fucking ignoring me!” He snapped out before gripping your arm, yanking you closer only for you to slap his hand off utter disgust in your eyes.

“Maybe if you weren’t an annoying little shit you parents wouldn’t have whored you out when you were just a toddler!” You snapped out, Hikaru tensed up body shaking as he stared at you in shock.

“W-what..” he whispers out softly, the anger that was once in his voice replaced with a soft hurt tone. “The only thing you’re useful for is being a quick fuck! It’s not like anyone will actually love you, so why don’t you go and do the only thing you’re good at, leave me the hell alone while you’re at it” you sneered out.

There was a few seconds of silence before a soft sniffle escaped Hikaru who now held his head down in shame. All those filthy feelings he felt before came rushing back to him.

“I-I’m only good for..” he whispers out before starting to cry, Hikaru was someone who prides himself in not sobbing but here he was crying “I-is that all I’m really good for?! B-being a whore?!” He hissed out.

All that modeling work he’s done was to put his own name out there but none of that mattered, all he would ever be known for was a dirty whore..the utter thought drove Hikaru insane.

Yuuji and Yuuta:

You wanted them to hurt, like how they always hurt you. You knew exactly where to hit and how hard to hit it. “Come on, you have to eat..p-please” Yuuta begged out as he tried feeding you. You were extra bratty so they had to tie you up, something that happened quite often. You were silent, making Yuuta sigh as he untied you “here, now will you eat?”

“You’ll never be a real boy yknow..” you whispered out to him, that single statement making Yuuta freeze up..eyes wide as he stared at you in shock “wait..h-huh?” He said lowly with a forced smile “is this a joke or-”

“You’re just a girl playing dress up, a little girl who is still scared of her family” you said coldly as you rubbed your wrists. “S-stop, that’s not true..I’m a boy, a-a strong guy! So just stop it” Yuuta snapped out, body shaking as you stepped towards him with no fear.

“No matter what you say, you still have that slight feminine figure, girly face, and of course the obvious..the parts of a girl. You’ll never actually be a boy.”

Yuuta felt his chest tighten up, he hasn’t felt dysphoria in years but that horrible feeling made him wheeze as your words drilled into his head. His hands went straight to his chest, they were gone but for some reason it’s almost as if he could still feel them there..not enough. He didn’t feel masculine at all.

“No, n-no no no you’re wrong, I-I’m a..I’m a..” Yuuta couldn’t even say it without starting to cry, his head was starting to hurt as he panicked. “I-I need…Y-Yuuji!” Yuuta sobbed out, it was only a matter of seconds til the younger twin came rushing to his aid. “Woah! Hey, Y-Yuuta?! What’s wrong, are you hurt?” Yuuji hissed out as he hugged his brother close to his chest.

“I-it’s back! I-it’s back, I-I can’t take it. I’m a boy right?! I-I’m a boy..n-not a girl..” Yuuta was an utter mess, sobbing and shaking as he clinged to Yuuji’s shirt. “Of course you are! You are the strongest guy I know, so please..stop crying” Yuuji whispers out, angry tears in his eyes as he glared your way.

“What the fuck did you do to my Yuuta!?”

Yuki:

“Please stop screaming..” yuki whispers out lowly as he looked away, flinching at every time your voice raised. “I can’t handle you screaming..” he added out as he glanced your way. You were screaming at him about something..the moment you started to yell he completely forget what you were mad at and was just focused on getting you to stop.

“Stop giving me those puppy dog eyes as if you are so damn innocent and pure! You have a rotting demon in you you, you can never be good! All you do is destroy and ruin thing!”

Your words made yuki shudder, eyes wide as he processed your words. “Demon..?” He whispers out with a shaky sigh, how could you be so cruel?! Yuki hugged himself, a low laugh escaping him which quickly turned into soft sobs that only got louder the more hurt he became.

Of course, he was a demon how could he forget that..he wasn’t supposed to be born! Yuki, who was now on his knees sobbing his eyes out bowed at your feet.

“K-kill me, im begging you” he said softly now looking up at you with the most distraught expression. “Im a lowly demon not worthy of living, j-just a filthy abomination” he hissed out as he looked at his hands. The reason he loved drawing and doing tattoos was cause he adored the thought of creating art..but if you deem him a demon it must be so.

Rin:

Rin was someone who usually laughed instead of cried, but you knew exactly where to push to get him to sob and break. “Are you trying to make me mad? Pfft silly thing that won’t work” Rin cooed out with a laugh as he watched you only get angrier.

“God you are so fucking childish! That’s why I’m glad I cheated!” You snapped out, making him pause his laughing his expression faltering “h-huh?” He said with a forced grin, your statement surprising him. “Your brother is a way better lover than you anyways, in all aspects” you sneered out.

“H-hey if you are trying to make me mad, it’s working so just stop.”

“What part are you not getting!? I don’t love you, I won’t ever love you so just leave me alone already!” You snapped out angrily, there were a few seconds of silence before rin flashed a grin “wowww~ someone’s grumpy! I’ll let you get some air but afterwards we’re talking bout this okay??” He cheers out before walking off.

A sniffling escaped him as he walked off, now covering his mouth with his hand as tears ran down his cheeks, the thought of you with ren in the most intimate ways made both rage and sorrow filling his body..he wanted to puke.

Salem

Salem didn’t really focus on your insults too much since they were surface level. He would shrug it off and continue to be his normal wild self, that was until you two really got into it.

“This is why no one wanted you! Why every person who got close to you gave you away! Who would ever choose you!” Your angry remark made Salem flinch, now biting at his fingers that he was sucking on before.

He was silent now chewing on his hand as he thought about what you said..it was true. His mother, Hikaru, you, who would ever want him? Salem let blood drip down his chain as he tried to contain himself but laughter escaped him, he calmly walked to the nearest wall now slamming his head against it.

He hated these thoughts, he wanted to go away. He just wanted all these gross feelings to go away already, he hated thinking..so if he hit his head a few more times he wouldn’t have to think and feel anymore. His laughter only for more crazed yet sad as he slammed his head against the wall over and over. “Go..away, go away…” he cried out over and over as tears streamed down his face.

Zeke:

“You need to calm down, you’re getting worked up here!” Zeke snapped as he eyed you worriedly. You two were fighting and you were getting a little too angry, he was worried about saying something he didn’t mean.

“You are so fucking gullible! Do you have any balls or something!? You try to play the nice guy but it wasn’t prince who killed all those people! It was all you! Just you! And I’m starting to think you liked it! So stop pretending to be good and so damn innocent”

Zeke tensed up, taking a step back as your words hit him. “W-why the fuck would you say that?!” He hissed out, that wasn’t true..he wasn’t bad. He was a good guy! He went to protests he donates to charities, he’s sweet and loving he does all he can to be a good person! Even still with all that the memories of that night are still so fresh.

“I-I’m a good guy..I’m a good person” he said softly as tears ran down his face, a shaky laugh escaping him “I’m a good person I’m a good person I’m a good person” he whispers out again and again, now looking to you for comfort “I’m a good person right?!” He said with a devastating expression.

“No, you’re not. You are a horrible awful person, worse than prince” You said shrarply, the final nail in the coffin.

Zeke gulped as he felt an overwhelming sarrow, more tears and cries coming from him. “N-no no no no..y-you’re wrong..so wrong” he sobbed out, the mixture of laughing and crying coming from him

[flowerbloom-arts]

A rather unneeded apology, don't you think?

Progress shots and thought process below the cut (warning, it gets heavy on pshycological analytical nonsense and spoilers for Exploits of Moominpappa/'s Memoirs, and it's really long):

Ah yes, Muddler angst, something that should be one too many yet you can't quite get enough of it-

So it all started with this little metaphor from this post I made a while back and I thought "Hmm... I should really make a follow-up for that!" so I did, and here it is.

This was originally gonna be a lineless painting but then when I started to do that I thought about how much of a drag it would be and scrapped that for my regular style but with cooler shading and coloring. I'm happy with it, it's been a while since I've done a full illustration and I'm proud that I managed to make this in like... (Checks timer on my drawing app) 2 hours and 25 minutes? Huh.

Anyway, this whole illustration is more or less just a metaphor going on in Muddler's head when he's cracked under stress, it's the "boat floating on your own personal ocean" metaphor like the post I linked above, it is indeed a constantly raging sea of stress and change and mental/lifestyle instability that's going on in Muddler's head and he's on a houseboat floating on it trying to balance and protect itself from the tides. It's always rocking back and forth but it's been doing that all the time for so long that it barely registers for him anymore, so he's living in this unnerving calm where the calm is not serenity perse but a lack of terror, yet, sometimes that raging sea manages to break through a window or two and flood the place as a good reminder that he isn't immune, he can and will drown for as long as things are like this.

The sea isn't a place of good memories for Muddler in either version of the book, like, the sea is so big that it's general emptiness on the horizon tickles his eyes. Before that he painted the boat red and got it all over himself and then painted his tin with the leftover paint, needless to say he had a rather traumatic night where the paint never dried and it got all over his food and bed and whiskers which drove him insane (or plume crazy I should say). He also had a rough time in his tin while packing for the riverboat and being swept away by the flood caused by Edward the Booble, he said his nerves (and his button collection) were all unsorted after the rest of the crew managed to get the tin on board. Then other stuff happens- an awful Hemulen Aunt boarding the ship (he literally wished death upon her, a rather extreme gesture especially for Muddler), the Hemulen Aunt being taken away by the Niblings (and the ensuing guilt he felt when he felt that it was his fault since he wished for her to be eaten), a rough and sticky night, being the first to realise the boat was setting off to sea unintentionally in the middle of the night, having to sit through a gale in which he got very sick- and that's just stuff that happened on the boat! He also had to suffer the likes of the revenge of the forgotten bones! The Ghost painted Muddler's tin and he cried about it, thinking it's a warning sign that he'll never marry! And he's the only one who was legitimately terrified of the Ghost, imagine being one of like, a 4 person friend group and being the only one scared of a real scary thing that directly affected you in one of the worst ways possible- vandalism of your own home. And don't even get me started on the fact that he lost his parents during spring cleaning and still believes they're alive.

With that being said, I believe we all understand that Muddler has been through alot, he had a revelation that adventures cause nothing but trouble for the poor guy in the middle of the book. And seeing how he cried at the idea of never getting married, we can presume he just wants a normal life after that. Thankfully, Fuzzy provided that through marriage and kids, even though they lost one of them by accident.

Now with this in mind, I have implemented a few elements from the book into the illustration. I've also followed some color-coding rules I've made up for myself;

Blue=Safety and comfort (Hodgkins is his uncle and is canonically blue-colored for the most part, not to mention that his Maxwell House Coffee tin is blue aswell, both are sources of safety for Muddler)

Green=Protection (Joxter is usually depicted in a green dress/hat, he stood up for Muddler atleast twice in the book and we can presume these weren't the only times he does it. Joxter is rather confident in his abilities despite being lazy and Muddler would rather admire that)

Yellow=Achievement/accomplishment (nothing much here, just uhh... Gold is yellow-ish and gold usually means you've accomplished something)

Red=Stress/general negativity (This is mostly coming from the red paint incident)

I've also added some small references and details. I've avoided using the ruler tool on my lineart to give it less solid feel to the backround and everything, showing how it's not supposed to be a full representation of reality, the pictures being faceless also adds to that. I drew an interpretation of the Muddler and Fuzzy wedding photo found in the moomin theme park, the gold medal on Hodgkins' portrait says "you helped" and it's supposed to be the medal that Hodgkins said Muddler deserved for helping him figure out the propeller (accidentally) in the Exploits version and I like to think he has that thought always in the back of his mind as one of the few times he's felt genuinely useful since he got so happy from it. Oh! And the picture almost completely hidden by the curtains is a portrait of his father and that's Joxter at the bottom looking like he's peeking over the curtain when really he's not. The curtains are green because they protect him from the red outside world, the suit and yellow dead flowers being darkly colored are supposed to represent a sense of meaninglessness or general distain, the red liquid is supposed to be red paint, not blood aaaaaaand the window is a slight shade of blue with a screen overlay.

"Apologies for being weak-minded" is supposed to be a rather insincere but tired quote from Muddler, he doesn't really want to apologise for cracking under pressure and having a literal breakdown but he feels like he has to because I think he just feels like a nuisance alot of the time and being so negatively emotional just makes things worse, so he has to come up with an apology rather than tell the person he's talking to the reason why he broke down, and belittling his own feelings by calling himself weak-minded. He knows himself to be "too" sensitive.

Anyway, that was too long a ramble. Just know that I'm not trying to take myself too seriously here, it's a silly amount of thought put into this but eh, I enjoyed it, and I thought you might want to read about it and if you made this far; thank you.

[pagingevilspawn]

Can’t wait for the next update of loving you is a losing game :)

Loving You Is A Losing Game- chapter five

hola. it’s been a few weeks... n e ways, i have given up on updating this book weekly, because its hard man, but don’t worry, this book isn’t over. 

jo finally gets her name in this chapter! is it cheesy? yes. is it a bit immature? yes. but so am i. we all know her as jo, not brooke, so i feel like it’s important that i write her as jo and not someone we never met. 

okay, hope you guys enjoy this chapter! ♥︎ click here to read on ao3. 

~*~

"silence ringing inside my head. please carry me, carry me, carry me home"

~*~

the first time... it was the alcohol.

the second time... it was a choice.

the third time...

the third time was a habit.

it was the last night of the medical conference and the two lay in alex's big bed together, him running his fingers through her hair and untangling the knots delicately, making sure not to tug on the strands. she was drawing shapes on his bare chest, studying the way it would flex unconsciously as she ran over certain spots with the tip of her finger.

she had her head nestled on his bicep, while his was leaned back against an overly fluffy cased pillow.

through their nights together they'd grown close, forming a... bond of sorts. he somehow opened up to her about his past and so did she, and ever since then they saw each other in a new light. it was like they could relate to each other on a more personal level.

they knew that their 'relationship' had progressed quickly, they knew, but they supposed they had already crossed enough lines. talking with each other was just so easy.

it also made conversation flow a lot easier. after yesterday, they both mutually agreed that if they were going to be adulterous whores together, then they needed to know more about each other than their names and what makes the other person moan it.

like now, for example.

"mmm, middle name?" brooke asks him, causing the man to scoff.

his face squirms up as he answers her, "michael." he says with disgust. it wasn't the worst name in the world, but really? michael? of all the middle names he had to get stuck with michael?

"that's not bad." she says, placing a small kiss on the side of his chest. "nothing is worse than my middle name."

the response seems to make alex perk up, a mischievous smirk she had gotten to know all too well the last three days playing on his lips. "what's your's?"

she shudders at the thought, pretending to gag. "josephine."

alex begins to laugh loudly, brooke slapping him in the chest in the process. "jerk!" she shrieks, not being able to hide her own grin.

his laughing dials down fairly quickly, taking a good look at her. "josephine...jo." he mutters.

she raises a quizzical brow, trying to figure out why he had just shortened her middle name, "huh?" she asks, her nose scrunching up.

"you look like a jo. not a josephine, but a jo." he says, making her tilt her head to the side.

"are you saying i don't look like a brooke?"she questions, making him nod his head furiously.

"yes."

she smiles at him, a glimmer of playfulness shimmering in her eyes. "well then, call me jo." she whispers.

alex looks a bit taken aback by her answer, "what?"

she shrugs her shoulders, "call me jo then." once she realizes alex doesn't really get where she's coming from, she explains. "my husband calls me brooke. you can call me jo as like... i don't know, a nick name?" she felt guilty in a way, that alex moaned her name, brooke, much like paul did. it was wrong, to have her ...whatever alex was, say her name in the same way her husband did.

alex looks uncertain by her answer. he gave a girl a name once before and look where that got him. "it's not that weird. my friend's name is ruth but we call her emily because that's her middle name. the only people who actually call her ruth are her parents and family members." she says.

alex scrunches up his face, "well i don't blame her. her name is ruth. your name's nice, i just... don't see you as a brooke."

"my point." she sits up looking into his eyes, which shined with seriousness, yet playfulness. "it's literally exactly like a nick name. so, just call me what seems more natural, jo or brooke."

alex doesn't look fully convinced. "the last time i gave someone a name she ended up having a hysterical pregnancy and tried to kill herself in my friend's kitchen. not to mention she peed all over my friend's couch."

he was expecting the girl to look terrified, but instead she bursts into a loud fit of laughter, clutching her stomach as she bends over, wrapping the blanket around her middle as she does so. he eventually ends up joining her, finding it so easy to laugh and be himself around the woman he had only known for a mere three days.

"jesus," she smiles, making his heart beat a little bit faster at the sight. "well, i can guarantee you that i wont't have a hysterical pregnancy, try to kill myself, or pee on your friend's couch. i'm pretty freakin amazing if you ask me." she giggles, twirling a strand of hair around her pointer finger dramatically.

he grins slyly, sitting up from his previous laid down position, taking a hold of her by the waist and bringing her back down with him, the woman letting out a joyful squeal, "i'll say," he smirks, bringing her into another kiss, making her moan at the unexpected contact.

the kiss wasn't very long, it was short and gentle, almost as it was a habit they had been doing for so long. it had only been three days, yet they had already seemed to know everything about each other. physically, that is.

he knew that kissing the little beauty marks she had on each side of her pelvic bone drove her absolutely crazy. she knew that his sweet spot was a crevice on the right side of his neck, about a half of an inch down from his ear and closer to the back of his neck than the side of it.

there was an area he discovered which had been able to calm her down almost immediately. it was about an inch up from where her hair began at the nape of her neck. he learned that if he soothed over that part with his thumb he could help her fall asleep or get in control of her breathing quicker.

she learned that rubbing a thumb by his ear was an easy way for him to get immediately calm, which she usually did while they charged in between rounds of hot, sweaty sex.

it was so wrong, so unconstitutional that they could say they knew other's bodies so well. he could tell you how many beauty marks she had on her back (fifteen) and she could tell you that running a single fingernail down the right side of his spine drove him insane.

like i said, it was so wrong how much they had gotten to know each other in a matter of three days.

but learning about each other seemed so easy, so casual, so stress free. there was something special about the two of them, other than the out of this world sex they had. they seemingly got one another without trying, like they understood each other's pain. which, in a way they did. they knew what it was like to be bumped around homes, never receiving love from anyone. they knew what it was like to fight like hell for something and not get anything in return. they'd never quite met someone who was so similar, yet so different from them.

he looks into her eyes once more, beginning to crack the smallest of a smile, "are you sure you want me to call you jo?" he asks.

"yep." she chirps. "i did go through a whole hating-my-name phase for like, the last year and a half of high school and had everyone call me jo, so a couple of old friends i talk to every now and then still call me it." she whispers as she begins to kiss down his neck, alex groaning at the contact.

he chuckles softly, gently taking her chin a making her eyes meet his. "you are full of surprises aren't you." he whispers against her lips. she purposefully ignores that way her heart beats faster in her chest, tingles shooting through her body as she hears his husky voice speak so delicately.

"just trying to keep you on your toes..." she trails off, feeling the way he grins against their lips, pulling her into another searing kiss.

"fine... jo."

and i suppose, that's how she became jo.

____

an alarm clock rang out, breaking the two from their deep sleep. they woke up the same way they did three days ago, a mess of tangled limbs and small unconscious smiles. alex groans as he rubs his hands over his eyes, the previous dim moonlight from a few hours before already having faded into a bright yellow as it pours through the windows.

the way they fit in each other's arms so perfectly was something neither of them had expected. the way how three days ago, they woke up so confused and uneasy, but now? three days later? nothing seemed more right than to wake up in the arms of one another.

what they were doing was what most would deem a disgrace. a disgrace to marriage. a disgrace to vows. a disgrace to themselves. but honestly, it was hard to see what they were doing as a disgrace, no matter how much they knew it was. how could they when it felt so right?

but today, it would end.

today, he would get on a plane and go back home to seattle. he would go home, back to his wife.

she would get on a short train ride back to her home, a large house not far from the university where her husband taught at. not too far from where the university she attended was. located she would go home, back to her husband.

the little bubble they were in would pop. it was inevitable. the rooms they shared and enjoyed one another in would just become a standard hotel room, used by countless other people doing similar things to what they had done.

nobody would know about the vows they broke. nobody would know about their adulterous ways. nobody would know anything. it was a secret. a secret they would carry to their grave. a secret they swore themselves to. they were married. they wouldn't screw themselves out of what they had, the one good thing that they considered good in their life. they were married to people they loved.

it was their secret. a dirty secret, yes. but a secret nonetheless.

it was sex. their secret was sex. hot, sweaty, passionate, mind-blowing, sex. but still. it was only sex.

and late night talks.

and ordering beer and room service at any hour of the day.

and endless teasing and mocking until one of them had tears streaming down their face from laughing too hard.

it was a friendship.

was that the word maybe? but sleeping with a friend? that was more like friends with benefits. whatever. they just... lost themselves a bit.

he was in a whatever place. she was in a whatever place. they were two whatever placers seeking and longing for each other. someone to get them, to understand them. and they did.

whatever.

they would keep this secret. it wouldn't happen again.

"what time is it?" he asks, his voice barely audible since his face was smushed into her bare shoulder.

she lets out a yawn, eyes blinking open to look at the clock, having to readjust her vision more times than she'd like to count. she mutters something incomprehensible, causing her to feel his face twist into some sort of gesture into her shoulder blades. "what?"

"nine thirty eight."

alex groans loudly, obviously not happy at the fact that he would need to get up soon. instead of doing what he was supposed to -start packing up his stuff- he beings placing tiny kisses on her neck, making her squirm.

she lets out a giggle (where the hell did that come from? she never giggled), a small smile gracing her lips as she feels his lips make contact with her neck again and again and again. she thinks maybe it's harmless at first, but quickly realizes it wasn't when he begins to kiss harder on the spot he discovered that first night.

a deep sigh escapes her, biting her bottom lip harshly to stop her from making any more noise. she swears, she never knew that that spot even existed until he found it.

quickly getting fed up with the teasing (she had no self control around him, don't judge her) she turns around to face him and smashes her lips onto his, feeling the smirk that had begun to form at the sudden contact.

"stop that."

"stop what?" he asks, feigning innocence as he begins pressing another kiss to her lips.

"stop smirking." asshole.

"but it's what i do." he replied smoothly, making her let out a low chuckle.

she pulls away from him, making his face contort into one of displeasure. tease.

his breath fans over her lips, goosebumps spreading all over her body as he rests his forehead against her's. "you have a flight to catch soon." she states, alex letting out a dissatisfied groan.

he flops back against the pillows dramatically, the white comforter flying up around him as he does so. he squints his eyes shut, realizing how that he was directly staring into a sun's ray. he shuts his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the yellow he still seemed to see. "i don't wanna." he pouts, reminding her of a little boy who was told he had to go to school, no matter how much he begged not to.

she cracks a small smile, trying to contain it as quickly as it appeared. he seemed to make her do that a lot, smiling that is. she couldn't remember the last time she smiled so wide or laughed as hard as she had this past weekend. "mmm, i bet." she clicks her tongue, pulling him up from his lied down position by his arm with a moan of protest coming from alex. "but... doctor robbins will probably kill you if you're any more than a second late. plus you have your... you know..." she trails off, their cheerful, joyous mood tumbling down in an instant.

so much for that.

"yeah," he says softly, so softly she doesn't even know if he knew she heard it. but him, he wasn't sure if his words were meant for her or himself.

he did have a wife to get home to. and yes, he did miss her. a lot actually. he missed her laugh and her smile. he missed her bubbly voice of excitement when she realized things were getting easier and easier for her to do. he missed that. he missed her.

but the way he felt with b- jo was something else. it was this... burning passion. this, intense hunger, this need for her. it was like hearing her moan his name and feeling her highest point of pleasure run over her made him feel something. a fire of his own. a special blaze to his skin. an increase to his heart rate. it was practically better than his own release.

god, when he was with her he felt everything.

he loved izzie. more than life itself. but jo, jo made him feel something he never thought was possible. he thought couples were exaggerating when they would say that they couldn't keep their hands of each other. he thought it was a joke when people talk about lust burning from the pits of their stomach. because sure, he'd definitely seen a girl, wanted a girl, took a girl home and did the whole she-bang, and he supposed that was an act of lust. but this was different. she was different. he hated when her lips weren't on his. actually hated it. all he wanted was to kiss her. again and again and again. he felt sparks fly out of him every time their lips connected, a weird feeling he didn't quite know how to describe. he loved how she tasted. she was intoxicating. it was like she just pulled him in.

she loved her husband. a lot. he was kind and charming and funny. he treated her with gifts and luxuries, no matter how many times she insisted on it otherwise. he was as smart as a whip, which came in handy for when he would help her study. she missed him.

but the way alex made her feel was... extraordinary. she thought that it was all a myth, a made up fairytale in books and movies. meeting the person that makes your skin turn into flames, the person that sends pleasureful shivers down your spine just by the sound of their voice. well, it turns out it was real. really fucking real. all she wanted to do was kiss him and feel him. she wanted to feel the way his muscles contracted when her hand ran down his chest. she wanted to feel everything.

and god, they both knew it was wrong to feel so passionately about someone who they weren't married to. they knew it, and the guilt about it was eating them up from the inside out. they were better people than this. but they tried so hard to stop. they tried so hard to resist one another, but they eventually lost.

lust was a cruel emotion to play with. no wonder it was considered one of the seven deadly sins. it was a cruel monster that disguised itself in the throes of pleasure.

alex pulls her in for another kiss knowing that if he did they would probably end up together one more time.

and so they did. their bare bodies flushed against one another, her curves sculpting perfectly into him as their hands roamed the other's bodies. nails grazed their skin as they danced a dance they had nearly perfected by now. there were gasps and moans and groans. they were taking advantage of the time they had left. it was hot and dirty at some points, and slow and sensual at others. he would kiss up her leg and her side until he met her face, which was usually hot and burning red from trying to keep composure of herself.

their hands worked miracles on the other, making them grip onto things in an attempt to make sure they didn't completely lose themselves when the passion got to be too much.

what a beautiful ending to something the world would deem so ugly.

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Her Majesty || 11

Crowns and Robes.

Anastasia’s pov 

At some point along the long drive, I dozed off to the sound of Harry softly humming to the radio while attempting to get a hold of someone on his phone. I’m not sure who he was calling, I remember him asking me if I was okay, and as far as I know, I hummed a response. 

I am fine; I am not going to fall off the deep end and swiftly become deranged. I don’t understand the circumstances that have happened in the last few months, I never imagined that this is what being Royal would be like. My parents didn’t prepare me for any of this, I don’t think anyone could have equipped me for these trials of royalty. 

I am incredibly fatigued, sleeping without Harry and not knowing where he has been stressing me out, along with being unsure of my father and his mayhem. Now, I have Victoria’s corpse imprinted in my memory every time I close my eyes. I don’t want to shut my eyes and envision everything, but I am so exhausted that I have no choice. I closed my eyes just for a moment while Harry drove and I was in and out of sleep the rest of the ride. 

I briefly remember Harry waking me up and whispering in my ear that he couldn’t carry me, I had no real clue where we were, but all I remember is falling back asleep as soon as I had a soft place to fall. 

I breathe in the scent of clean sheets and I pull the covers further up my body while I open my eyes in an attempt to grasp my bearings. “Harry?” His name falls sleepily from my lips while I sit up, the room still blacked out from the curtains. 

“Go back to sleep,” Harry mumbles, tugging at the covers, “At my Mum’s, you’re fine,” Harry assures me, getting comfortable in the bed. 

I don’t think he understands that just because he claims that we are safe, it doesn’t mean I’m going to believe it at this point. 

I tilt my head to the side and watch the slight ray of sunshine slowly peek its way through the curtains while I think about the last few hours that have transpired. 

I can’t help but continue to remember walking away from Harry. I should have listened to him and stayed with him and Matthew, maybe then I wouldn’t have had to discover Victoria.

I remember I was walking along the stones, following the path when I was momentarily sidetracked by this scent that made me sick to my stomach, I thought nothing of it. I figured it was just a rodent or some sort of explanation that wasn’t a dead body. I fell over her body, quite literally, and the thought of remembering the incident causes my stomach to stir. 

With every day that passes, I become more and more aware of the fact that my father is immoral. I’m not sure what he has managed to get into, but whatever it is, it’s not good. Ultimately, I’m paying the consequences of his actions and decisions. I can’t blame him for everything, with us being royal, we are always at risk, but recently, it seems like we are at a higher risk, thanks to him. 

I benevolently shake Harry, being cautious not to touch his painful shoulder, Harry mumbles something inaudible against his pillow before lifting his head, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Harry sleepily asks, leisurely sitting himself up, his right hand beginning to reach to his side table. 

“You don’t need the gun,” I inform him, noticing what he is reaching for. I think it is a force of habit for him, he never really knows why I could be waking him, with all the dangerous events and evacuations, I don’t blame him for stretching for it while half asleep, unaware as to why I am waking him. 

Harry hums, “Then why the fuck am I awake?” He grumbles, not too pleased. 

“Do, do you think my Dad is losing it?” 

“What?” Harry asks, seeming a little confused. 

“Do you think he is losing the plot? Going senile? Literally going mentally insane?” It could make sense for him to be losing his mind.  

Senility can produce changes in mental health, such as memory loss or a decline in judgment. His judgment certainly hasn’t been the best when it comes to things, he put me in jeopardy when we went to Greece, he put us all in danger, he is angry all of the time and has acted out, firing a lot of the staff— He isn’t the Father I remember, he has been on a steady decline ever since he started to talk about handing me the crown, once he told the whole of Britain that he was hoping to hand things down to me by the end of the year, everything steadily got worse. personality or behaviour changes are another symptom but the only issue is that he is too young to be going senile, he is only fifty, surely he isn’t old enough to be going senile. Maybe he is clinically insane? Maybe I am clinically insane at this point, I feel like I am going insane. 

Harry blankly stares at me for a few moments, silence crowding the room. 

Harry shakes his head and lies back down, “Goodnight, Anastasia.” 

“Harry—”

“Go to sleep,” Harry mumbles, drawing the covers back up his body and becoming comfortable between the sheets. 

I heavily sigh and move my body closer to his, trying to get as close as possible without bothering him hurting him. Harry doesn’t speak, instead, he opens his arm and enables me to move closer, allowing him to settle his arm around me while I relax on his good shoulder. 

I listen to the melodious breaths of Harry while he falls asleep. I gaze up at the ceiling, trying to think of a logical solution for everything that has been occurring. 

Perhaps my Father is going senile. Perhaps my Father just has a lot of enemies. 

Perhaps the monarch is turning against my Father. 

Perhaps all of this is happening without logical explanations. 

Perhaps I need to find a way to pass the crown to someone else.

♔♔♔ ♔♔♔

Through the night, I was in and out of sleep, so was Harry, I could feel him shuffling around in the bed, trying to get comfortable and groaning every so often. Sleeping doesn’t come to me easily now, last night I was concerned about my father, I do not know where exactly he is or if he is okay. I genuinely think he is starting to lose his mind, it would explain his shift in behaviours. One minute he’s trying to marry me off and the next minute he’s angry at the world.  

I shift the covers around my body and groan, a desire to stay in bed overcoming me sharply as I gradually wake up to the sound of an unfamiliar voice down the hallway, “I heard there’s a princess, I want to meet her.” 

“Gemma, shh,” Harry hushes her, “She’s asleep, go away. You’re not following me in here,” Harry continues, doing his best to whisper but failing. 

I chuckle to myself as the door opens, “Damnit, Gemma, piss off,” Harry again mutters, pushing her arm away from the doorframe and closing the door behind him. 

Harry glances over at me and smiles, “I’m sorry, she’s uh— she wants to meet you.” 

“She wants to meet a princess.” I correct him. 

“Mhm,” Harry hums, “She doesn’t mean that in a bad way; she means no disrespect.” 

I sit up in the bed and shrug my shoulders, “Is ‘she’ your sister or?” I ask, unsure of who is summoning me and wanting to meet me. I know Harry has a sister, I have never met her so I can only assume the woman eager to meet me in the hallways’ is no other than his sister. 

Harry nods his head, “Yes, my sister who seems to have a problem with boundaries.” 

“Well,” I chuckle, pulling the covers towards my shoulders, “She sounds lovely.” 

“She’s a pest,” Harry responds, “But, she did bring some clothes for you,” Harry places a pair of leggings and a long sweater on the bed, “Mum bought some clothes while we were asleep for you to go through, probably warmer than this,” Harry holds up the white sweater. 

“I am sure it is fine,” I assure him, appreciative that his mother and sister were both kind enough to take into consideration that I have no clothes besides what I left London in. 

When I was woken up by Harry, I had no clue that we would be evacuating and I would have nothing besides the clothes on my back and my phone. 

“It’s a bit crisp this morning.”

“Says the person who isn’t wearing a shirt,” I point out. 

“Do you know how painful it is to put a shirt on without help? It was easier to just throw on the bloody sling and sweatpants. Should let my mother shop for me more, these are comfortable,” Harry gestures towards his pants, causing me to raise a brow. 

I can’t deny the fact that if it wasn’t for his damn shoulder, I’d gradually make my way closer to him, and allow my hands to flow across his shoulders before travelling themselves down his chest, where my thoughts would become entangled with only one—him.

My hands would examine the texture of his body, moderately working their way past his abs, and then my fingers would sweep across his V-line in a teasing matter where his sweatpants would fall to his ankles. 

I cock my head to the side, admiring the way his hair has been brushed but still appears rumpled, he has his sun-kissed tan from the summer and his few tattoos seem to catch my attention this morning. 

He has the body of a faultlessly chiselled sculpture and it’s destroying me in all ways. 

“Do I even want to ask what you’re thinking about?” Harry distracts me from my stare. 

I bite my lip and gaze up at him, trying my best to conceal my smirk. 

Harry clears his throat and begins to step around to my side, “You have that look.” 

“What look?” I innocently inquire. 

Harry leans down and kisses my lips sweetly, “The look where you want to make love,” Harry whispers, drawing away from my lips and enticing me further. 

“Why must you always say ‘make love’?” 

“Because fucking the princess just isn’t as romantic.” Harry outright responds, “Not very respectful.” 

“Whatever,” I roll my eyes, “Soooo…” I trail off with a grin. 

Harry sighs and shakes his head, “I can’t, Anna.” 

“How many times will you deny me until you give in? Talk about playing hard to get,” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. 

I have lost count how many times I have been denied.

“I hate to break it to you, but you do realise I fucked my shoulder and can barely move it after carrying you last night?” 

“I had a better chance of getting anything out of you while you were on morphine.” I laugh, playfully teasing him.

Harry chuckles, “Probably,” he nods, “Believe me, I wish I still had my morphine.” 

“Mhm, change the subject, sounds about right.” 

“Spoilt.” Harry laughs, delighted by the fact I’m still sexually frustrated. 

I raise a brow at him, “Spoilt? Me? How? You haven’t touched me in quite some time.” 

“Anna… baby…” Harry sighs, “How about tonight?” 

“Last time I heard that, you ended up hurt and I was shoved in a bloody pantry thing, hiding from people who wanted to kill me, soooo.” I trail off, reminding him of the last time those words left his strawberry-red lips.

“I promise, tonight.” 

“I’ll be pissed if I’m shoved in a pantry.”

Harry smiles, “Nothing bad will happen, you won’t be shoved into pantries and your life won’t be on the line.” 

I grin at Harry and nod my head, agreeing that tonight will work, as long as nothing negative happens by then. 

“Mhm,” I hum, “Whatever you say,” I respond just as the door to the bedroom opens. 

Harry glances over his shoulder towards the door where his sister, I assume, stands, leaning on the doorframe with an angelic smile while locks of chestnut-brown hair curtain her face.

“Do I need to cutesy?” Gemma questions under her breath, staring at me half a smile painted across her lips. 

“Yes,” Harry responds with a smirk, watching his sister do her very best at curtsying to me. 

I raise a brow towards Harry before I shake my head, “No, I’m just Anastasia, I’m not a princess while I’m here,” I smile at her, not wanting anyone to treat me and different than what they would a normal civilian. I don’t expect them to curtsy to me or refer to me as ‘Princess,’ I expect nothing besides kindness, and that is what I have been shown so far. “He is just being a jerk,” I assure his sister. 

His sister nods her head, “It’s what he does best. I’m Gemma, his sister.” 

“Yes, this is my sister, who is very kindly interrupting,” Harry interjects as he pulls his phone from his pocket, “You at least could have knocked.” 

Gemma shrugs her shoulders and walks past Harry, not caring about his comments, “If you need any clothes, just let me know. I don’t know what Mum picked out but if you need anything, just ask.” 

“I need you to leave,” Harry smiles, and again, Gemma ignores him, entirely brushing him off and sorting through the clothes Harry placed on the bed from their mother. 

“Thank you, Gemma,” I appreciate her being kind. She doesn’t have to be nice to me and offer me her clothes, quite honestly, she doesn’t have to do anything for me, this is the first time she has met me. She has every reason to be standoffish with me. “I’m going to make coffee,” I push the covers of the sheets off my body, “Give you two time to catch up,” I wink towards Harry, well aware that he doesn’t get to see his family too often, I think it is best to give them some time, even if it is just a few minutes while I make coffee. 

♔♔♔

I walk down the hallway with two cups of coffee in my hands, making my way towards Harry’s childhood bedroom. The last time I tried to make our coffee, it did not go nearly as smoothly as it did this time. Not that it is a very big achievement, but I smile to myself, quite pleased with how my coffee turned out, even if it is a simple task. Making coffee in the palace is not something that I do, I never get the chance to— it is all done for me. I know how privileged and spoilt it makes me sound, but in all fairness, I would change things if I could. I want to be able to do mundane things such as making coffee and washing linens. 

“So, can you tell me what happened and why you’re up here?” Harry’s sister challenges him just as I stop outside the door.

“I could, but then I’d have to kill you.” 

“It can’t be that serious,” she scoffs. 

“Drop it,” Harry warns sternly, in a way I’d never expect him to act towards his sister. 

“You’re such a hardass, don’t forget you used to chase butterflies in the garden as a kid.” 

“I don’t pry about your job, don’t pry about mine.” 

“That’s because you’re an ass and never ask me about my job… not that it’s very interesting compared to yours.” 

“You think keeping your wife alive is interesting?” Harry snaps unhappily.

“Well, she isn’t your wife yet, but yes. Seems like the palace life is interesting… Speaking of which, Harry, are you sure you want this?” Gemma asks, causing my heart to sink in my chest. She doesn’t sound like she approves of our relationship. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Are you sure you want to marry into the royal family? It’s a big fucking deal… Putting aside all the shit I don’t know and the danger you’re currently in, do you realise how much work being a royal is? Your life will never be the same again.” 

“There’s a reason we are keeping it quiet. I love her, I want to be with her, I don’t care about the royal family and the monarchy narrative, I care about her.” 

“You have to care about the monarch because you’ll be a part of it, Harry. She won’t choose you over the crown, she can't hand it off to someone else. You won’t be normal.” Gemma explains the things that I have already tried to explain to Harry before. He is aware things aren’t normal. 

“I don’t want her to choose me over the crown, I’ve accepted she has major responsibilities, I know what I’m getting into, Gemma. I don’t need you to tell me what I’m getting into, I see it every day, you just read about it in history books and on social media.” 

“I’m making sure you understand that this isn’t going to be easy. You won’t work, you will do royal duties, is that what you want? You should be working towards being the president of operations, not suddenly becoming royalty.” 

“I’m aware. I’m a big boy, I can make my own decisions. I can still work security, I don’t want Matthew’s job right now. I’m marrying her, if you don’t like it then that’s just too bad. I’m not here for your approval, quite frankly I’m not here at all for you.” 

“There you go being an arse.”

“You bring out the asshole in me when you act like I’m not capable of making decisions. I’m your little brother, I get it, but I thought you of all people would be more accepting. I expected mum to be the one to convince me not to marry her, instead, mum's the one who encouraged me to propose. I had my doubts, I know I’m not good enough for her, she deserves Prince Charming and I’m just some guy from the country-side who became her security… but damnit I try every day to be the man she needs, so do me a favour and at least pretend to like her until we leave.” 

“I do like her, Harry.” 

“Then this conversation doesn’t need to go any further,” Harry dismisses her and I let out a breath. 

I should have walked away when I heard them talking, I shouldn’t have listened in to the conversation because now I don’t know how I feel about everything.

If his sister doesn’t have faith in us then who the fuck will? 

“I have coffee,” I announce, pretending like I didn’t hear them as I step into the bedroom and hand Harry his coffee. 

Harry kisses my cheek and takes the cup from my hand, wasting no time with taking a sip, “Much better than last time,” Harry grins. 

“I’ll leave you two to settle in, I have some sewing to do,” Gemma excuses herself politely, standing up from her position on the bed and walking out without saying anything further. 

I look towards Harry, wanting to question things but there is a time and a place, right now isn’t the right time. I can’t start something at this hour of the morning, I don’t want to start our day on a shitty note. 

♔♔♔ ♔♔♔

Harry grins at me while he launches a blanket towards me and makes his way towards the open fireplace that has been roaring since sunset. He pokes the logs a little before adding the last log to the fire, ambers crackling and disbursing in their brilliant colours of red and apricot. 

He comes closer to me and kisses my cheek before falling beside me and getting comfortable, his hand making sure to move the blanket so I’m covered and warm. “Have you found a dress you like, love?” 

I shake my head and hand him my tea, “No, it’s hard when I need to try them on,” I answer. 

Just because it seems good online it doesn’t mean it’ll look good in person, wedding dress shopping without a boutique is harder than one would think. “Starting to wonder if we should just get married at the courthouse.” 

Harry shakes his head immediately, “No, you deserve the dress of your dreams at the very least.” 

“Harry, I don’t need it… I just want to get married. We can go to the courthouse.” 

“Anna—“ 

“Jus’ think about it? Your Mum understands where I’m coming from.” 

“My mother agreed with you?” Harry raises a brow. 

“Can you just think about it?” 

“You want me to just take you to the courthouse?” 

“I don’t see why not.” 

“You’d be happy to go to the courthouse right now and get married? No dress, no family, nothing?” Harry questions. 

“Yes.” 

Harry nods his head and sighs before standing to his feet, “I’m going to bed.” 

“Are you mad?” I question, watching as he begins to walk away, “Harry?” 

He turns and peers over at me, “No, are you coming to bed?” Harry questions while walking down the hallway, leaving me by myself in the living room.

I wander into his bedroom and close the door, “Are you seriously upset with me? You can’t just walk away from a conversation because you don’t—“ I begin to express my frustration with him walking away from me and the conversation about our wedding, but I’m swiftly cut off by his lips hitting mine and his body pushing me against the wall. 

He drags his mouth from my own and leaves sweet kisses down my jawline, moving to my neck, “Not mad,” he mumbles against my warm skin, causing my heart to skip a beat. 

His hand slips under my shirt and we begin to dance our way to the bed before he pushes me to fall to the bed.

Before anything more, Harry’s phone begins to ring, causing him to drag his mouth from my own, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Harry huffs, reaching over and grabbing his phone from the side table. “Hello?” Harry snaps in an unhappy tone, making it a point to show he has been inconvenienced. “Matthew, I’m busy right now, I can’t drive…. What? You’re out front already? Well, fuck, give me a few minutes to get dressed…” Harry hangs up the phone and looks at me. “Anna, I’m so sorry…” 

I shake my head and heavily sigh, “It’s fine. What’s happening?” 

Harry kisses my cheek before forcing himself off the bed and makes his way towards some of his clothes his Mum graciously bought him, “I have to work with Matthew.” 

“What do you mean?” I question, unsure of what Harry means. He shouldn’t be having to work, he’s on my service and there is nothing for him to do besides make sure I’m safe. My parents are in other places, so it isn’t as though he had to escort them anywhere. 

Harry’s hesitant to speak and takes a moment of silence to gather the right words to say, “We need to handle some stuff at Windsor and Buckingham.” 

“You’re driving back to London? I don’t think you should be driving at this hour.” 

Harry shakes his head, “Matthew is.” 

“Why though?” 

“Anastasia, you don’t want to know.” 

I shake my head and sigh, “I’d like to know. Seems suspicious to me.” I am not trying to start an argument by any means, I just want to know where he is going and why. With everything that has happened and how my world is entirely upside down, it makes me feel better to know what is going on instead of being left in he dark or being blindsided. 

“Anna, you make my job hard sometimes,” Harry mutters, “I have to go and help move Victoria.” 

“What?” My eyes grow wide while he does his best to pull on a sweater. 

“You heard me, I need to go move her,” he responds. 

I look at him, bewildered by the fact that he’s having to do such a thing, the sheer idea of him going back in the tunnels to her makes me uneasy. 

I flashback to what I saw in the tunnels and her lifeless body lying on the concrete. 

I don’t want to ask any more questions, I don’t need any more answers, nor do I want to know any. I don’t want to be apart of anything that has to do with Victoria right now. 

♔♔♔ ♔♔♔

I’m pulled from my slumber when Harry gently caresses his hand to my arm and kisses my cheek, “Hey, Baby,” Harry whispers, “I’m home.”

I gradually push myself up on my elbow, grasping my focus as Harry kisses my forehead, “Go back to sleep.” Harry adjusts the covers, drawing them more towards my side of my bed before placing a phone down on my side table, “Your new phone to call your parents off.” 

“Why do I need a new phone?” I tiredly question, unsure of why the old one that I have is being replaced. 

“Precautions to make sure it isn’t tapped and tracked, I will get rid of your old one when I wake up. Now, go back to sleep.” 

Ever since Harry left, I’ve been uneasy and sick to my stomach, I’m not sure what it is but even just hearing her name managed to unsettle me. I move to sit up against the pillows while Harry places his phone and wallet on the side table on my side as well, “Go to sleep, it’s four in the morning.” 

I shake my head and Harry sits down on the edge beside me, “Why? Are you having nightmares about everything?” He softly asks, remembering the last time I was up here and the fact Henry left me with nightmares the first night.  

“No… I’m not feeling too well.” 

Harry presses his hand to my forehead, “Well, no temperature. Do you want me to go get you anything?” 

“No, it’s okay,” I half-smile at him, “Get in bed, you’re probably exhausted.” 

Harry shakes his head, “Move forward a bit,” Harry instructs, gently pressing his hand to my back, “I’ll stay up with you,” he continues, beginning to rub soothing circles on my back. “Would you like tea or a heating pad?” 

“I’d like for life to settle down, Harry.” 

“I am doing my best to make it happen.”

“You can’t,” I sigh. 

There isn’t much that Harry can do to settle life and normalise things. None of this is his fault, my family issues do not stem from him, but I can’t help but continue to replay the conversation in my head that he has with his sister. 

Harry doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve inconsistency and scrutiny of things. He deserves a lovely girl who is normal, someone that will make sure dinner is on the table when he gets home from a long day at work and will pour him a drink to his liking. Harry deserves someone who isn’t in the spotlight of the world and who doesn’t need to be watched twenty-four-seven. Although I am aware that he does deserve better, the selfish part of me doesn’t want to care. 

Harry swears up and down this is what he wants and that he is aware of what he is getting into, but due to the current events, I don’t even know what I am getting into anymore. I don’t know what each day will hold, for all I know, by tomorrow morning I could be whisked off to America because there is suddenly another threat— things are unpredictable.

“Harry,” I begin with a soft voice, “Is this what you want?” 

“To be awake at this hour? No.” Harry shakes his head. 

I don’t think anyone wants to be awake at this hour.

“No,” I shake my head, “Us? Getting married and being apart of royalty.” 

Harry continues to rub my back, “I want to marry you, I thought that was pretty clear.” 

“But you do know it won’t be easy, right? You know that being married to a Queen will have disadvantages, right?” 

“I accepted that when you said you would not abdicate and refuse the crown. I want to marry you, where is all this coming from?” 

“If it came down to it, Harry, I would give up the crown for us, but right now I cannot. There is nobody to take it that is a good fit, the monarch would go into the hands of a distant cousin and I don’t want to risk that. I don’t want to risk us either, it is going to be hard, it won’t be easy, and… and you won’t have as much freedom, you deserve the life you want to live.” 

“Mhm,” Harry hums, “Anna, did my sister say something to you?” Harry instantly questions. 

I shake my head, “No.” 

“You heard her conversation, didn’t you?” 

I don’t respond, I stay closed-lipped and allow the silence to penetrate the bedroom. “Shouldn’t eavesdrop, darling,” Harry heavily sighs before I feel him press a kiss to my shoulder, “I know what I am getting into, my sister overstepped her mark, I can make my decisions. I want to marry you, let’s get some sleep.” Harry continues, moving to kiss my cheek, “I love you, don’t forget that,” Harry adds, carefully moving beside me. 

“Just making sure this is what you want.” 

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here.” 

“You have no choice, you’re the bodyguard,” I chuckle. 

Harry shakes his head, “I don’t have to be in bed with you, and I don’t have to be planning a wedding. Don’t overthink it, ignore my sister. Your bodyguard is tired and would like to sleep.” Harry presses, pulling the covers over his body

♔♔♔

Harry’s POV

The rain has been falling heavily for the last hour, and it's almost like the heavens have ultimately decided to open up and they don’t want to close. 

I stare down at the steam emanating from my hot tea, my hands cupped around the edges, the heat radiating warmth through my body. 

I should be curled up in bed with the gracious covers around me and my beautiful partner beside me, asleep, instead, I’m perched at the kitchen table, staring into an abyss of a cup looking for answers that I’m sure I won’t be able to discover. Most people find answers at the bottom of a bottle, and I am almost at the point of finding a bottle of whiskey but I don’t think that will solve much. 

There are a few things I need to figure out.

Why Victoria is dead and why she was in the tunnels.

How long before Victoria is reported missing and whether she will be found.

How I explain things to Anastasia.

When will things go back to normal? 

If I could come up with a resolution for everything, perhaps life would be a little bit more indulgent, unfortunately, at some point, things became so hectic that I don’t have any answers. I think the next time I have a cup of coffee, I will need to add a shot of whiskey to it. I require something to help calm me down and soothe these damn questions that I can’t figure out. I feel as though I am attempting to piece together a puzzle that doesn’t have all the pieces. I am sure that the king has more pieces to this puzzle that he will not reveal just yet. 

I can’t begin to imagine how Anastasia feels, it lies heavily on my mind and I don’t know how to ask her how she is processing everything. Even if she does open up and tell me how she feels about the chaos, there isn’t much I can do besides console her and hold her. I am useless purely because I do not have answers for any of the questions that could be asked. I  know she will have questions, she always has questions. 

“Why do you look so glum?” My sister distracts me from my drowning thoughts. 

I glance up from my mug and discover my sister stepping closer, her hair thrown up in a bun and her sweater falling off her shoulder as she yawns. 

“I thought you moved out years ago?” 

She rolls her eyes at my comment, “Likewise… Some of us visit our mother and stay for a few days.” 

I don’t respond, I just take a sip of my tea, not wanting to banter with her at this hour. “So, why are you so glum? Where’s your princess?” 

I glare at my sister and she curls her lips up into a smirk. She’s doing this to purposely piss me off. 

As kids, we continuously took the piss out of each other and found ways to get under each other’s skin, and usually, I’d be all for our banter, but right now, I’m exhausted and I don’t want backhanded comments… especially when it comes to Anna who is on the direct path of an emotional breakdown. 

“Do you not like her or something?” I asked with irritation, unsure of where my sister stands when it comes to my relationship. 

Whether my sister likes her or not, it doesn’t change my decisions of marrying her, but I’d still like to know my sister’s thoughts. 

“I do,” my sister nods. 

“Then what is with the damn comments when it comes to my relationship.” 

My sister lifts her shoulders into a shrug, “Daddy Issues.” 

I roll my eyes and sigh, “You’re annoying. Dad treated you well…. daddy issues my fucking ass,” I shake my head at her, attempting not to laugh at her comment. 

Contrary to popular belief, we always got along with our father, he wasn’t the villain in our family story. Our parents went their separate ways but it wasn’t for any drastic reason like he was an asshole or cheated, no. 

Our parents outgrew each other and weren’t on the same path when it came to life— they had different goals and aspirations— they were perfect for each other until they weren’t. They served their purpose together and split ways civilly. They can see each other in the street and have a conversation, and they can see each other at family events pertaining to my sister and me, there’s no issue there. 

“I like her, I do, I just like to aggravate you. Can’t believe my little brother is in love.” 

“Mhm… Well, it would be nice if you were a little nicer to her. I know being nice isn’t apart of your personality, but she could use with nice people around her.” 

My sister isn’t the nicest of people sometimes, she is a hard person to read. My sister is highly sarcastic, sassy and very hard to get a grip on whether she likes you or not. There is a fine line between her liking you and disliking you— a fine line that is hard to distinguish. 

“I’m nice,” my sister defends, “I bought her clothes!” 

“Gemma…” I trail off, “She heard our conversation yesterday and thinks you don’t approve of her.” 

“Harry, that was me just looking out for you and making sure you know what you’re getting into. I read the news articles, I’ve read the biographies of past royals—“ 

“That’s different. I don’t care what you read and how you keep up with the history of the royals, but be nice to her, and don’t give her any doubts.” 

“She has doubts?” My sister questions.

I nod my head, “She heard our conversation and cried over it, so just keep your comments to a minimum.” 

“Is that why you’re so glum and seem like you’ve had your firstborn son taken from you?” 

I shake my head and leave my cup on the table before I bury my face into my hands and rub my face out of frustration and exhaustion. “I have a girl in there sleeping while her world is turned upside down. I haven’t slept because I had the privilege of moving a corpse, and if that isn’t enough, some of Anastasia’s jewellery was taken from Buckingham and I don’t know how to tell her.” 

“What kind of jewellery?” 

“Her expensive pieces and the ones I bought her. I don’t know how they took her stuff but didn’t manage to take the royal collections.” 

“Have you checked the pawn shops?” 

“Gemma,” I begin, “I haven’t had time to track down her jewellery, I was busy moving a fucking body.” 

“Are you going to tell her?” 

“I don’t want to… maybe? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. Starting to think running away with her is the best option.” 

In all honesty, life would be better off somewhere else, less drama. 

“Give me a list of items taken and I’ll find them. You should tell her, don’t have a closed-off communication, that will make things worse.” 

“What are you? Sherlock Holmes?” … “I don’t know if she can handle it, Gemma.”

I don’t want this to be what pushes her over the edge. 

“I have a few friends in the jewellery industry, just give me a list and we will see what we can do.” 

“Where were your jewellery friends when I was looking for a diamond ring?”  

“You never told me you were looking for a ring,” Gemma responds with a chuckle. 

She has a point, I did not tell my sister, sometimes I don’t confide in her all the time, she tends to come to me more than I go to her when it comes to things

“Mhm,” I hum, “I need you to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity or people around here. If anyone saw us moving the body, they’ll come for me or her family.”

“Oh, great, so we are at threat?” 

“Not you,” I shake my head. “Just me, her and her family. Nothing major,” I half-smile, trying not to scare my sister, “I’m going to go back to bed now and check on Anna,” I dismiss my sister before she can say anything in return. 

I walk down the hallway with my thoughts rattling my brain. 

How am I meant to tell her someone somehow stole some of her personal items? 

It is incredibly creepy that someone managed to get in her room. It had to have been done while we were away or after we had moved them into Windsor. I’m not sure how anyone can get into Buckingham and take her jewels, Buckingham is highly surveillance. 

I’m not sure what I’m meant to say to her, “Good morning, I love you… oh, and by the way, some of your jewellery was stolen.” — I don’t think that would be suitable for a morning wake up call. 

As my hand reaches for the doorknob of my old childhood bedroom, my phone rings. I heavily sigh and quickly grab it from the pocket of my sweatpants and quickly answer it, not wanting to wake Anastasia or my mother down the hallway. 

“Hello?” 

“Harry, my best pal,” Matthew cheers on the other end of the phone. 

I raise a brow, well aware that he’s trying to butter me up, “I saw you a few hours ago, what do you need?” 

“We need to have a bonding session.” 

“We bonded last night,” I respond, “I don’t think we need to bond,” I chuckle, walking towards the living room to pace the area without disturbing anyone. 

“I think we do.” 

“What needs to be done this time?” I sigh, unsure of what entails this bonding session. 

Surely it can’t be worse than last night. 

“We need to report to the king.” 

“He’s in the Netherlands,” I remind Matthew. 

“I’m aware, he needs us, we have things to take care of.” 

“What does this entail?” 

Matthew goes quiet before he clears his throat, “My engine light is flashing red like a code red sort of flashing, you should look at it. Come outside and look at it,” Matthew instructs, forcing me to read between the lines. 

Code red… code red… code red means the king needs us to do something under the radar that shouldn’t be spoken about over the phone or with anybody else. 

I hang up my phone and I walk my way to the front door. I take a break and I open the door to Matthew standing on the porch with an umbrella by his side. “Get your shit, we’re flying to the king.” Matthew bluntly instructs, not batting an eye with his instructions.

I heavily sigh, “Matthew, what do we have to do?” 

“I don’t know yet… but it isn’t pretty.” 

“Matthew, I physically can’t do any more dirty work, I can barely move my shoulder at this point,” I inform Matthew of the fact I’m not meant to be hauling dead bodies off and tampering with evidence to take the media attention away from the King and his family. 

I’m meant to still be on bed rest and taking it easy. I wish I was bedridden with morphine, this shit is getting to be too much to have to handle.

Matthew nods his head, “I understand, but this is important, code red sort of important, just like last night was a code red. Let’s go, you’ll be back tonight.” 

“Let me tell them I’m leaving,” I respond before stepping back inside the house. 

I find Gemma at the table with her iPad and a cup of coffee in her hand, her eyes gazing up towards me while I walk closer, “I need to go, tell mum I’ll be back tonight, be nice to Anastasia and tell mum to check the security systems, keep the doors locked.” 

“Do I need to be—“ 

“No,” I cut my sister off, “You don’t need to be concerned, just precautionary,” I respond, walking away from her before she can say anything. 

I step into my bedroom and walk closer to the bed, I sit on the edge beside Anastasia’s sleeping body. I gently press my hand to her arm, “Hey, sweetheart,” I whisper, slowly waking her up, “Hey, it’s just me,” I assure her as soon as her eyes open. 

“Harry,” she mumbles my name sleepily, causing me to smile. 

“I have to go, I’ll be back tonight, don’t worry though, you’re safe with Mum. Call me if you need me,” I lean down and kiss her forehead, “The gun is in the drawer beside you, Mum and my sister know what to do if anything happens, not that it will, just makin’ sure okay?” 

Anastasia hums her response and I adjust the covers for her and stand to my feet. Her hand wraps around my wrist and I look down at her, “Be careful, okay?”

I nod my head, “I will, I love you.” 

“Promise? I love you too.” 

“I promise,” I agree, giving her a small smile before taking my keys and wallet off the side table and stepping out of the bedroom. 

♔♔♔

I walk through the front door of my mother's house, more than thankful to finally be home. I feel the warmth wrap around my body and welcome me, and I couldn’t be happier. The flight home was fucking cold after we were stuck in the rain for a while, not to mention the drive from the airport to my mothers was just as miserable, Matthews rental car didn’t have heat, we both shivered and cussed the world for our problems. We tried to stop at the liquor store to find a bottle of whiskey to warm us up, but they were closed, we even tried to find a hotel but all hotels had no vacancy out here, so we suffered through the cold. 

I wander down the hallway and my mother stands to her feet from the couch, instantly coming to me, “You look like hell.” 

“Thanks, you’re so sweet,” I chuckle as she takes my shirt and jacket from my arm, “Mum, I can wash it and—“ 

She cuts me off, “Shut up,” my mother shakes her head checking to make sure the pockets are empty, “You’re cold, here grab a blanket,” my mother frets, stepping away and grabbing a blanket from the couch, wrapping it around me like a little kid. 

“Thanks, Mum,” I smile at her before I kiss her cheek. “I appreciate you, how was your day?” 

“Clearly better than yours,” My mum grins and I nod my head in agreement. I think most people have had a better day than I have. “I spent it inside reading and helping your sister sew, I don’t know why she wants to sew but she doesn’t need to be near my sewing machine,” my mother chuckles sweetly to herself. 

I can only imagine how it turned out with my sister sewing or attempting to sew. My sister is very talented but there are just some things she shouldn’t even try, sewing and most crafts are not one.

“I’d take teaching her to sew over what I had to do, any day.” 

“What did you have to do?” 

I shake my head, “I can’t talk about it, I’m not allowed to… maybe later I can tell you, just not right now,” I respond. 

My mother nods her head and shrugs, she knows there are some things better left unsaid, and today is one of them, “Anastasia has been quiet, slept most the day, I think something is wrong.” 

“Is she still unwell? I’ll check on her.” 

“She didn’t seem too well, but we did talk a little about the wedding. She is excited about it, by the way, but she hasn’t had a chance to try on dresses.” 

“I’ll take care of it, if it ever stops raining, I have a plan.” 

“And that is?” My mother questions curiously. 

“I’ll tell you more In the morning, goodnight, Mum.” I cheekily grin, folding up the blanket and placing it down before walking into the kitchen to make a tea. 

♔♔♔ 

I enter my bedroom and close the door behind me silently, just in case Anastasia is sound asleep. I observe Anna curled up in the bed, the comforter wrapped around her, “Hey,” she smiles tiredly towards me. 

“Hey, Mum said you still weren’t feeling well, thought I’d bring you a tea,” I hold up the mug, stepping closer to her and sitting on the edge of the bed beside her while she sits up. 

“Thanks, where have you been?” 

I grow withdrawn for a moment, unsure of what to tell her, I didn’t think of the cover story that I would tell her, it didn’t cross my mind. I have been too busy to thin about what to tell her.  “Harry?” She takes the cup from my hand and narrows her eyes down on me. 

“I’m not allowed to talk about.” 

“But…” 

“I was with your Dad, he says hi,” I inform her of her father’s request. The brief times I did manage to speak to him, he was insistent that I make sure I pass his message on, “He loves you and can’t wait to give you a hug.” 

“Sounds shady.” 

She isn't wrong, it is ALL shady; I would prefer to forget about the last few nights that have occurred.

“That’s because it is,” I nod my head, “It isn’t getting any better at this point.”

“I told you I think he’s losing his mind.” 

“I would be too if I had angry people coming after me,” I mutter, “But it's okay,” I quickly assure her, not wanting to scare her any further or cause her more stress. I am doing my best to destress her situations and fix things. 

Anastasia heavily sighs and rolls her eyes, “Is there a way to fix the mess he has created?” 

“Sort of.” 

“Then why don’t we do it?” 

“Anna—“ 

“Don’t leave me in the dark, Harry, it isn’t fair. I’m just as affected by this mess.” 

“You really don’t want to know my solution.” 

“Why? Why are we not going ahead with the solution.” 

“It’s highly illegal.” 

“I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Anastasia… How do you deal with people who have too much power, such as those in the mafia or with affiliations with the mafia?” 

“I don’t know, Harry. Stop cat and mousing me, tell me your plan.” Anna snaps before pressing her fingers to her temple and rubbing her temple. 

I wish I could fix things for her and give her a normal life. I am doing my best but right now, I am failing. 

I sigh as she takes a sip of her tea, “Anna… fight fire with fire…” 

Her eyes burn with hatred as she glares towards me, her lips screwed into irritation, “You’re being annoying.” 

“Jus’ don’t worry about it, okay?” I lean over and kiss her forehead. “Let me handle it.” 

“I don’t like how you’re handling it.” 

“Well, I am sorry. How are you feeling?” 

“You’re changing the subject,” Anastasia is prompt to point out the obvious. 

There are some things that are better left unsaid. Where I was and what I was doing is best unknown at the moment. 

“What happened to you? What’s on your shirt?” Anastasia leans forward and presses her hand to my shirt, looking closely. 

I look down and grab the white material between my fingers, stretching it so I can what Anna is looking at.

Fuck. 

“Oh, Matthew accidentally cut himself trying to open a box and I guess he got his blood on me, no big deal,” I lie straight to her face, beginning to unbutton my shirt, wasting no time with sliding it down my arms as I stand to my feet. 

“Do you want to lie to me again?”

“No, but I need to talk to you about something, some of your jewellery has been taken.” 

Anastasia doesn’t respond and I turn to gaze at her over my shoulder, “Anna?” 

“I heard you. There’s nothing I can do, it is just jewellery.” 

“I will get it back for you, I will do my best, darling, I promise.” 

“You got mail, it is on the dresser over there,” Anastasia points to the dresser and I step closer to it, taking the envelopes in my hand. 

“These are for you,” I inform her, looking down at the envelopes that seem familiar, they’re dressed as they would be If they were going to the palace for her to read and reply back with, but there is something odd about the envelopes, they’re all the same with the same handwriting but one is addressed to me. “Where did you get these?” 

“Your sister said they were in the mail, I haven’t opened it, I assumed mine were letters from the public for me to read and reply to, I just haven’t had the energy to do it.” 

“No, but how did they get here?” 

“I am guessing my carrier, Harry,” Anastasia responds, “How else would they get here? Throw me mine so I know whether I need to reply to them.” 

I shake my head, flipping the letters over and seeing that there is no return address, “Baby, these aren’t forwarded from the Palace,” I inform her, placing hers back down on the dresser and sliding my finger through the edge of the one addressed to me. 

“How do you know?” 

“I didn’t give the Palace a forwarding address for your mail.”

“Why not? I still have duties to attend to.” 

“First of all, you’re sick and don’t need to be worrying about it, second of all, it isn’t safe to have mail forwarded because then people will know where you are.” 

“You don’t need to tell me what I need to be worrying about,” Anastasia responds, not too pleased with my comment. 

“Okay,” I sigh, “Fair point, I was out of line, but nobody needs to know where you are right now,” I return, unfolding my letter and opening it up to read what it says. 

“I know about you and Anastasia, you can run but you can’t hide.” 

I take a breath and fold the letter back up, grabbing Anastasia’s as well in my hand. “What are the letters for?” 

I rub a hand over my dark stubble before shaking my head, “Nothing, I’m going to take a shower.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with my father.” 

“What?” I question as Anastasia pushes the covers off her body and gets out of bed. 

“You heard me, you’re acting just as shady as he is, and quite honestly, I don’t like it.” 

“You’re paranoid, go back to bed,” I respond, stepping into the bathroom and flicking the light on, only for Anastasia to follow me. “Are you joining me in the shower?” I raise a brow cheekily, attempting to distract her from the argument she is most likely ready to create— she has a valid reason for being irritated and wanting answers, but I don’t need her to worry. I don’t want her to be consumed even further by what is happening or by what could happen. 

I am trying my best to protect her from the shit show that is currently going on, she has dealt with more than enough and at this point, I am going to do everything that I can to not push her over the fucking edge. I know she is close to the edge and I will be damned if she goes over it. 

“I don’t think I am paranoid, Harry. I don’t like this. Why can’t you be honest with me?” Anastasia questions while I turn the knob to begin the water to heat up. 

I turn to face her and I step closer to her, “I am being honest, believe me when I say there are some things better left unknown, please don’t make this harder than what it already is.” 

Anastasia pulls her hand away from my own and stares at me relentlessly, “Seems like everything is left unknown until it boils into something bad that can’t be hidden.” 

I nod my head, “What is it you want to know?” 

“Where were you?” 

“With your Father. We had to have a private conversation, can I have my shower now?” 

“This conversation isn’t over,” Anastasia dismisses me and I heavily sigh as she storms out of the bathroom. 

This is bound to be an interesting night. Just when I thought that things could possibly settle down, I now have to face her. I lean on the vanity and stare into the mirror, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to think things through in a way that won’t destroy her.  

I am not sure how to explain the mail, unfortunately, this isn’t the first letter I have received in the last month or so, I don’t think it will be the last, but I do know that it seems like whoever is sending these letters knows my every move. Nobody knows that we are here beside her parents and Matthew, the new guy doesn't even know, Matthew put him on paid leave until we need him. The only thing I can think of is someone within the palace staff has managed to figure things out and is trying to leak information… I highly doubt her parents would be behind the letters, although that would be a plot twist, I can’t say that it wouldn’t be something that could happen, after all, nothing seems to be off the table at this point. It is time I tell Matthew about the mail I have been receiving, and it is time for us to come up with a plan to figure out who is behind it all. At first, I didn’t think much of it all, but now with them sending things to my mother's house, it shows they are watching me- they’re watching Anna. 

I pick up the envelope with Anastasia’s name on the front of it and I open it, holding my breath with every inch of the paper that rips between my fingers. I take the piece of paper out, slowly unfolding it before I read the ink scribbled on the paper. 

“I know about you and Harry… It will all be revealed soon. Stay alert, Princess, you’re next.”

I fold the letter back up and I place it in the envelope, not wanting to even see what the other one says. I believe these are empty threats by someone bored and lonely, probably a normal civilian, but at the same time, there is a part of me that is concerned it is one of the people who Is after her father. They’re not going to stop until the Ace’s get what they want and the King refuses to give up his power and money to them. He has paid his dues and that isn’t enough for that money-hungry family. 

It could be Henry, I wouldn’t be too surprised if he is the one behind this, but I have this feeling the reasons for his previous behaviours weren't based on his logical thinking but more so his mothers. I think his mother was behind a lot of his erratic and psychotic behaviour, I think his mother is the true evil one. I am not remorseful that she is no longer living, quite honestly, it was just a matter of time before she did more damage to Anastasia’s family. Anna doesn’t know this, but I have been watching Victoria from the moment I met her at the Garden party. On my off days, I would do my best to follow her in an attempt to figure her out, she didn’t do many things out of the ordinary, but there were a few red flags that I did take note off, none of which were enough to build too much against her in such a short time. Matthew did his best to keep track of Henry and Victoria and the one thing we can’t seem to figure out is… Who is Henry’s father? 

There is no name attached to the man that the King was talking to, there was never a man around at the Garden event that introduced himself as Henry’s father. I have tried to look up birth certificates but I can’t find Henry’s, I can’t even find Victoria’s marriage certificate. 

I push away from the vanity and take my suit pants off, dropping my clothes to the floor before getting in the shower. The steaming hot water hits my body and I feel a sense of stress leaving my body for a brief moment. My body isn’t cold and shivering and all the negative things that I have dealt with in the last two days are washing down the drain, hopefully, to never return. 

My shower wasn’t as peaceful as I had hoped, my thoughts kept reminding me of everything happening, almost to the point I wish I had an excuse to call the nurse for more morphine, although my shoulder is still painful, there is no way the King or Matthew will allow me to sleep peacefully with morphine and no pain and no worries. Oh, how I took it for granted to be able to sleep all day and not deal with the issues happening in the Royal world. 

I step out of the shower and Anastasia is leaning on the doorframe with a blanket wrapped around her body, I raise a brow but I do not say anything as she watches me reach for my towel and wrap it around my lower body. From the way her lips are pressed firmly together and the way her eyes watch my every move, she isn’t watching me because she finds me charming and good looking, no, she is watching me because she has things to say or she is trying to read me in an attempt to figure shit out. 

I shuffle closer to her and press a kiss to her cheek as I slide past her, still not saying a word. I step towards the clothes my mother bought me and I pull out a clean pair of sweatpants, wasting no time with pulling them up my legs before running the towel through my hair to dry it briefly. I place the towel in the hamper and glance over to Anastasia who has her arms crossed over her chest. “How’d you get the blood on your white shirt? That is going to be hard to get out.” Anastasia gestures towards the shirt I let fall to the floor before I went into the bathroom. 

I heavily sigh as I pick it up from the floor, “I told you.” 

“That was a lie, you and I know that.” 

“Anastasia, please don’t,” I shake my head. I don’t want to explain today to her. 

“You’re unbelievable.” 

“Please, don’t be mad with me, it is for your own-“ 

Anastasia rolls her eyes, “Jus’ don’t worry about it,” Anastasia cuts me off, “I hope you’re not turning into my father, I really don’t.” Anastasia informs me as she walks into the bathroom. 

“Anna, don’t be angry with me,” I slump my shoulders as she closes the door. 

I fall to the edge of the bed and run my fingers through my hair. I have fucked up with not telling her, I do not blame her for being upset, but as I have said, it is for her safety. I am not sure who I am attempting to convince more, myself or her. 

It is hard to draw a line between my job and being her partner, sometimes there isn’t even a line, sometimes I have to choose which one I want to take the role of. 

After a few minutes of staring at the bathroom door, waiting for her to exit, I force myself to my feet and walk to the door, I knock on the door, “Anna? I know you’re mad but you don’t need to lock yourself in the bathroom.” … “Anna? Are you okay?” I question, getting no response before I take it upon myself to open the door. 

I see Anastasia resting on the floor with her back against the bathtub, “The world doesn’t revolve around you,” she half chuckles, “Do you really think I would lock myself in here because I am mad?” 

“Well… I-, I I am an idiot, we know this already… You okay?” 

“I have never been better, I mean, after all, I have no clue what is happening with anything, I fell over a dead body, I have been whisked away from my home indefinitely because people are after my father, and to top it off, my soon to be husband is acting weird and shady.” 

“I meant how you felt.” 

Anastasia simply shakes her head and I sit down beside her, I slip my arm around her lower back and she rests her head on my shoulder, “Not trying to argue with you, or be mad with you, Harry.” Anastasia softly whispers, “I just hate all of this. I don’t want you to be like Dad.”

“I know, baby, I know,” I nod my head even though she can’t see me. “I do too. I am not your Dad. I just work for him and take his orders.” 

“Are we going to get through all of this, Harry?” 

“We will, it’ll all be okay,” I assure her, attempting to comfort her even though I don’t know what’ll happen next. I can’t tell her that it’ll be smooth sailing from here because I don’t know if it will, but I do know that she and I will be okay. 

“You’re not going to want to leave?” 

“Of course not, nothing your father causes will make me want to leave. I’m here for the long haul, I’m here to hold your hair when you’re sick, even if you’re mad at me,” I inform her and she gently nudges me. 

“I’m not mad,” she mumbles. 

I’m here to be a shoulder you can cry on, I’m here for it all. I’m here for all the good times and the bad times, I’m here for as long as you’ll have me. I’m in this completely. I hate that you’re doubting me though.” 

“Everything is just a mess.” 

“It’ll all be okay, do you want to get in bed? It’s a bit warmer than these cold tiles.” 

“No, I feel sick.” 

“Okay, we will stay here,” I respond, kissing the top of her head. 

“You can go to bed, I’ll be fine.”

“And what fun will that be? Won’t have you to steal the covers,” I half-heartedly joke with her, trying my best to lighten the mood. “Plus, when the wife says to go back to bed, you never go back to bed, it’s a catch. Never leave the wife when she’s unwell.” 

“You left me today.” 

“I had to and you were asleep.” 

“Left your sick fiancé to see my father.” 

“Your father pays my bills,” I respond with a small laugh. 

“Mhm,” Anastasia hums, “Do you love me enough to go to the store and get me anti-nausea meds? this is horrible.” 

“I would, but everything closes out here at ten. We can call your royal doctor, she has all sorts of great meds.” 

“You really love her, don’t ye’?” Anastasia finally manages to giggle, “Must have been some strong stuff,” she nudges me playfully. 

“The best sleep of my life, she had me feeling great for the first two days. Then reality hit.” 

“I don’t want to bother her, she’ll have to drive up here and it’s too much of a hassle.” … “I’ll survive. So… will you tell me what’s in those envelopes up there?” 

“Nope.” I honestly respond. 

“Nothing is stopping me from getting up and grabbing them.” 

“You don’t have the energy for that, if you did, you’d have done it already.” 

“Fair point,” Anastasia agrees, “I’m sorry about earlier and throwing a fit.” 

“You have every right to feel how you do and want answers, but it’s in your best interest not to know them, it’ll stress you out, I rather if you let me stress over it instead, okay?” 

“It’s hard. Harry. I feel like everything is crumbling around me. I can handle it, I don’t need to be protected.” 

“It is crumbling, I won’t lie, it is a shit show.” 

“Way to go in being comforting.” 

“I won’t lie to you about it, everything is crumbling around us but at the end of the day, you’re safe, your parents are safe and it’ll all be okay.” 

“You keep saying that… who are you trying to convince? You or myself?” 

“Both,” I respond in all honesty. “Love, I want us to have an open communication, I don’t want us to hide things.”  

“Well, that is a little far fetched considering your job, darling,” Anastasia points out. 

I can’t say she is wrong, she has a valid point, but she is missing what I am trying to say, “I do my best to communicate, I only hide things when I need too,” … “Not that it makes it any better, I just-, I want you to know I am doing my best with balancing both and I am not trying to hide things, I just have to sometimes…” 

“Shhh, I know, quit fretting, I get it, I do. It is frustrating, but I understand, I just had a moment earlier, Harry. No need to keep worrying over it.” 

I let out a breath of relief and hold her a little closer to me, grateful that we have the sort of relationship where we can talk things out, we might get mad, but we don’t give up, we come to terms with things, we consider each other’s feelings and we get through it. 

“Harry, we do need to talk about our marriage though.” 

“What about it?” 

“How it will affect you… Harry, I will be Queen within the next year, my father wanted to hand it over by the end of the year, December isn’t too far off, I don’t know whether he still will pass it down but if he does, your life changes unless we continue to keep it quiet.” 

“Well, since Henry isn’t married to you, I don’t think you will be becoming Queen. The whole point was for Henry to gain a higher title than what he already has. And, if you do become Queen, we will cross that bridge when we get there, I think we should hold off going public, but your family should at least know.” 

“You okay with just taking it day-by-day to see what happens with the crown?” 

I’m not sure why she has so many doubts when I have done my best to reassure her, I can only thank my sister for this one. Anastasia wasn’t this doubtful until meeting my sister. 

“Of course,” I nod my head, “But, do I get to wear a crown and a robe like they do in movies?” 

“What the fuck kind of movies do you watch? No, Harry. You don’t get to walk around with a crown and a cape. Do I walk around with a crown on?” Anastasia questions. 

“No… You never wear a tiara, why?” 

"Single ladies don't typically wear tiaras unless they are born into the Royal Family as a princess. Tiaras are not worn before 6 p.m.. They are worn on formal white tie events and state occasions such as state banquets. For the most part, I have skipped these events up until the last two years, which, my mother and father have not given me a tiara to wear… Once I am married or Queen, I will wear one or I can wear a crown.” Anastasia informs me on the etiquette of crowns and tiaras. I don’t know the difference between the two, and due to not wanting to sound like a moron, I don’t want to ask her what the difference is. 

“So… I don’t get a crown?” I curiously question. 

I don’t give a flying fuck on whether I am entitled to wear a crown or not. I’m not in this for the family jewels, the crowns, estates or anything. Quite frankly, none of that means a bloody thing to me, I’m in this for Anna. 

“You can wear a gold coronet.”

I gasp, “I don’t want a knockoff crown.” I respond, unsure of what a coronet is, but it sounds close enough to a crown. I can only assume it’s a step down from a crown. 

“Fine,” Anna chuckles, “I will bestow upon you a crown you can wear. I am sure there is one in the family, we have many jewels and crowns.” 

“Great, and can I also require a robe?” 

Anna laughs, “Don’t push your luck.”

“Can I have my own crown?” 

“For my coronation, the royal jeweller can make you your bloody crown.” 

“They should match, somehow… You know?” 

I wonder how long she’ll keep this conversation with me, I don’t mean any of it, like I’ve said, I don’t give a rats ass about the crown, I’m currently trying to keep her occupied in an attempt to make her feel better. 

“I love how you’re more interested in your crown than the fact you will have a lot of power.” 

“How will I have power?” 

I have enough power as it is, any more and it might get to my head. 

“Sweetheart, everyone will have to curtsey to you… Every member of the royal family will have to bow or curtsy to you…. But the future Queen thinks it’s time for bed, sitting on this cold floor isn’t going to cut it.” 

I stand to my feet and offer my hand to help her up, she presses her hand with my own and I gently pull her to her feet, “I do have another question though regarding the royal ways,” I begin. 

“Mhm,” Anna hums as we begin to walk out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. 

“If we were to have kids…. How do we raise them?” 

“Already anticipating children?” 

“No, you mentioned while I was carrying you out of the tunnel that we weren’t having kids, but if we do… do we have to raise them royally?” 

“Uhm….” Anastasia pauses to think for a moment, looking over at me, “We will decide how we raise our children, I will leave the monarch before I allow them to tell me what to do with our hypothetical children. If I’m Queen, I call the shots.” 

“Mhm…. And will they be raised in a royal way? Will they have a title?”

“Unless we choose otherwise…. I don’t know if I want kids to have to go through what I have as a royal. I wouldn’t strip them of their title but I don’t know… it’s something to think about after we are married, we’ve barely managed that yet.” … “Let’s just go to bed,” Anastasia smiles over at me and I nod my head with a smile. 

I’m more than happy to get in bed and fall between the sheets with her beside me, but I am distracted by my phone vibrating against the side table. I walk over to it and read the messages on my screen, “I’ll be back in a minute,” I inform Anna before I step out of the bedroom and walk down the hallway to the front door. 

I open the front door and stare at Matthew, “Look, Matthew, if you want me to leave again, I’m not, I haven’t slept much in the last 48 hours, Anna’s sick and I’m not going to—“ 

“Relax,” Matthew interrupts me, “I’m not on your doorstep for another job, I’m here to tell you I’m patrolling the house and watching so you can relax.” 

“Oh.” 

“But I’m glad you’re defensive and don’t want to leave your girlfriend while she’s sick, it’s kinda cute when you’re not the dick of a security guard.” 

“Knock it off, you’re making me sound soft.” 

“You are,” Matthew chuckles, “At least with her, it’s good, you’re getting softer and better at being her partner and not her security guard.” Matthew points out and I nod my head. It’s a transition sometimes to go from a security guard who can’t show much emotion to her boyfriend. 

“Are you done?” I laugh. 

Mathew nods, “Is she okay?” 

“She’s fine, with everything that has happened, her being a little under the weather is a better outcome than her emotionally spiralling, I think it’s the stress that has finally caught up with her.” 

“Does she need the doctor?” 

“No,” I shake my head, “I will put letters in the letterbox, I need you to take them, read them, and find out who’s sending them. They know I’m here and I don’t want to take any chances. They’re involving Anna now,” I inform Matthew of all the letters that I’ve received over the month, plus the ones Anastasia saw that were sent to my mother's house. 

I’ve done my best to keep the letters to myself and Matthew, not wanting to make something out of nothing. 

“Do you have any leads yet?” 

“No… I assume the Ace’s but Victoria is dead so that leaves who? Henry? His unknown father? Their mob? Matthew, the mafia aren’t people I want on my ass or the crooked government officials the king knows.”

“I’ll see what I can find out, just keep her safe and inside.” 

I nod my head, having no intentions of stepping outside with her unless it’s the back garden. “If you don’t mind, I’m going back inside where it’s warm.” 

“Try not to get too soft on me while I’m out here patrolling and keeping your ass safe.” 

“Ya, about time you watch my ass instead of me watching yours,” I respond before stepping back into the house. 

A Few Days Later.

I overhear the sound of the glass doors open as I stand on the back porch, gazing at the garden that is beginning to frail and change colours with the changing of seasons. I turn around and offer my mother a small smile as she closes the door behind her, but she doesn’t smile back at me. 

I cock my head to the side and watch as she fidgets with her hands, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip— she wants to say something, but she doesn’t know-how. 

“Just spit it out,” I distract her from her anxiousness. 

She shakes her head and sits down on the patio furniture, crossing her leg over her knee before tapping her fingers on the armrest, “I know I’m not allowed to ask but…” my mother trials off and I raise a brow, unsure of what question she’s about to ask. All I can gather is that it’s about my job. She’s aware I can’t discuss everything with her, but that doesn’t always mean she doesn’t attempt to ask. “I saw your shirt.” 

“What shirt?” 

“The one you wore the other night.” 

Oh, fuck. Here we go with that white fucking shirt. 

I nod my head, gesturing for her to continue. “It isn’t your blood, if it was then you’d have a wound.” 

“Who says I don’t?” I question, catching my mum off guard. 

My mother stares at me and narrows her eyes down onto me, she’s not thrilled and doesn’t want to participate in my sarcasm and half-assed answers. My mother stands to her feet, steps closer and takes it upon herself to lift my shirt, inspecting my body. 

I gently push her hand away, “If you don’t mind, it’s quite chilly,” I adjust my shirt to cover my torso. 

“Harry—“

“Mum,” I cut her off, “I already had it out with Anastasia over this, please don’t ask questions or read into this.” 

My mother shakes her head at me, “I can’t just not read into it… Surely there’s an explanation.” 

I nod my head, “There is, but I can’t give it to you.” 

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have blood-stained shirts in the laundry for me to wash.” 

“I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for me… But, in my defence, I didn’t ask you to wash my clothes or that shirt, I was meant to throw it away. But apparently, everyone wants to see it.” 

“I’m not a fan of this.” 

“Join the club, you and Anastasia can have weekly meetings about it,” I mutter before heavily sighing, “Look, maybe later I can discuss things with you, but right now I can’t. On other news, since the wedding people are setting up, I’d really appreciate it if you and Gemma could participate in this… Help Anastasia pick a dress and get an idea of what she wants.” 

My mother glares at me, “I know you planned this.” 

“What?” 

“You have a wedding designer here bringing in dresses and everything else to keep her mind off of whatever the hell you’ve been up to and whatever it is you’re planning to do.” 

“While you are helping her with a dress, I’ll simply be doing paperwork,” I inform my mother, covering the fact that she’s partially correct. I had planned to surprise Anna with a wedding dress designer for a while, it just happened that right now suites all scenarios, it’ll keep her occupied and away from social media and it’ll give me time to do ‘paperwork.’ 

Of course, my paperwork will include doing some investigating on the Ace’s and the mafia they’re involved with, along with figuring out the whole situation with Victoria in the tunnels, and if I have enough time, I will hopefully manage to figure out where the fuck we are going to go from here. Anastasia and I can’t stay with my mother forever, at some point we will have to move Anna back to Buckingham or one of the other palaces. With us getting married, I’d think it’s suitable that we have a proper conversation about where we plan to live, obviously she’s going to want to choose Buckingham or the palace in Ireland but I think we should have a nice place away from the royal family, perhaps a little cottage. We need a place that’s just for me and her that has no royal affiliation to it. 

“When exactly are you getting married and where?” 

“Where and whenever she picks.” 

“Aren’t you concerned they’ll tell the media?” 

“Confidentiality contract,” I respond, “I’m going to go check on Anastasia,” I dismiss the conversation, mainly because my mothers dagger eyes brutally murder me and I can’t stand it. 

I walk inside and make my way down the hallway catching Anastasia just as she’s stepping out of the bedroom, “Good morning,” I smile, kissing her cheek instantly before bringing her into a warm embrace. She mumbles a good morning into me and I chuckle. “How are you feeling? I just put the kettle on for tea.” 

“I feel a lot better, still a little nauseous but it’s bearable.” 

“You look better than the last few days, no offence... I have a surprise for you,” I inform her, watching as she looks at me with curiosity. 

“Mhm, what is it?” Anastasia hums. 

I intertwine her fingers with mine and lead her to the end of the hallway where the dress designer has been setting up. I open the door and step in the room, allowing Anastasia to see the countless wedding dresses on wracks lined against the wall, “Anastasia, this is Charlotte, a creative director of a luxury fashion house. She will assist you with dresses and if you can’t find one will help design one, if you wish. Charlotte, this is my soon to be wife, Anastasia,” I introduce the two ladies, stepping back as they greet each other. 

“I brought a few dresses for you to look at, try on and see what you like if none of them works we can literally go to the drawing board, whatever you envision is, is what I want to create,” Charlotte sweetly informs Anastasia, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t curtesy,” Charlotte stammers and I can’t help but chuckle to myself. 

It never gets old when people get bent out of shape over curtseying. “Please,” Anna quickly shakes her head, “There’s no need, I’m not a princess, I’m just someone who wants the perfect dress,” Anastasia informs Charlotte. 

“I’ll leave you two to it… Mum and Gemma will come in and help if you’re okay with that, thought you might want some company?” 

“That would be really nice, thank you for this,” Anastasia smiles towards me before stepping closer to me and kissing my lips. 

It’s the least I could do. All she wants is a sense of normalcy, she doesn’t want the big fancy royal wedding with spectators, she isn’t asking for more than having a dress and getting married. I’ll do everything I can to make sure she gets the wedding of her dreams, even if it’s a small ceremony in the back yard with the sheep. 

Anastasia pulls on my hand as I go to walk out and I stop on my tracks, she grows quiet for a moment before leaning up and whispering, “I don’t know if I can afford a designer dress, Harry, without dipping into the royal—“ 

I gently cut her off with a kiss, “Money isn’t a factor.” 

“But.” 

“It’s covered, no matter what you pick, it’s covered. Get the dress of your dreams, don't worry about money or whether the royals will pay for it, I have it covered.” 

“Harry—“ 

I shake my head, “Don’t worry,” I kiss her lips again before walking out of the room, well aware that she’ll stand there and argue with me all day if I’d let her. 

While Anastasia is occupied with the wedding with my mother and sister to soon be right behind her, I slip out of the house and make my way to the parked car on the street. I open the door and relax on the passenger side, “Bloody Hell, do you not know what heat is?” I challenge Matthew with a gasp, leaning forward and turning the heat on, “Seriously, I know you’re older but heat was invented many years ago,” I continue, pressing my hand to the vents. 

“Harry, it is not that cold.” 

“There’s frost on the grass, it is ten degrees this morning.” I point out the fact the grass is insignificantly wet and there is a slight mist of fog lingering from the overnight temperatures.

“Well, put on a jacket,” Mathew smirks, “Besides the point, you’re late, the King has already called.” 

“I had to occupy Anna… I am glad I missed the call, I don’t even want to know what he wants now.” 

I am starting to have this yearning of avoiding the King at all costs, but I obviously can’t, he pays my bills and I am in love with his daughter. I will never get away from him. 

“You don’t get to pick and choose when he is the boss.”

I sigh and look at Mathew, “Anna is being weird with me since I won’t tell her what happened, I can’t do more shady shit,” I inform Mathew, “At least let me marry her before causing problems, she is less likely to leave if we are married.”

Mathew laughs and shakes his head, “That sounds like a great relationship. Either tell her or lie.”

“I don’t want to do either. The king said he would kill us if we told anyone...”

The King was very specific with his instructions. 

“He can’t hurt a fly, he has us do his dirty work, Harry. Do what I do.”

“Lie?” I question, unsure of what he tells his wife when he suddenly has to leave or when he is never home. 

“Tell her you can't talk about things because what was discussed is confidential.” 

“That would be great but my future wife is the future Queen and she saw the blood on my shirt, that is the issue. She wants to know where the blood came from.” 

“Next time, get rid of evidence you moron,” Mathew shakes his head, “Look, tell her someone was hit by  a car and you saved them.” 

“Oh, yes, let me dig myself into more of a hole,” I huff, looking down at my phone and scrolling through my contacts, “The private detective I hired to keep an eye on Henry hasn’t found anything, Henry has been staying at a cottage an hour outside London. A small two-bedroom cottage and a vegetable patch.” 

“Where?” 

“ Singleton, but I don’t know why he has tried to go off the radar and hide… Took a while for the lead.” 

“And what are you going to do with this lead?” Mathew asks. 

“Well, nothing. I can’t do anything, if I do, it would be stupid, he would instantly link me to Victoria’s death, I have to stay quiet… Plus, he isn’t doing anything. Actually, do you think he had anything to do with Victoria’s death?” I curiously begin to question. 

There isn’t much of reasons for Henry to suddenly go into hiding, I didn’t threaten him besides when he tried to take Anna’s horse, he got away with his psychotic behaviour, in fact, I think the King gave back the horse without Anastasia knowing— not that she would care— I don’t think she will ever get on a horse again. 

Mathew stares at me for a moment and thinks, “Unlikely, it is his mother, what motive would he have? Ask the detective where he was that night, plus, nobody knows about Victoria yet, there haven’t even been reports of her missing, the media is quiet.” 

“A little too quiet,” I mutter, “Anyway, what did the King have to say?” 

“We are on media duty, we need to leak a story or two.” 

“What are we leaking?” I ask.

“This is the part you’re not going to like… He wants to use Anastasia as a decoy from everything. He wants the media and the people to believe that she has stepped away from the palace to focus more on her royal duties privately and to better grasp things.”

I roll my eyes, “Not the first time he uses her as a decoy. Why can’t the actual Queen be used? Why is it, Anna?” 

“Well, the Queen isn’t as popular, quite frankly, at this point, nobody gives a damn what the Queen does. Everyone is interested in Anastasia, you are aware she will be Queen soon? She is big news.” 

“Whatever,” I hum, “So we have to leak stories that aren’t true to suit the King’s narrative? Can you do it? I don’t want Anna hating me much more. I don’t want a divorce before I m even married.” I ask Matthew as he begins to drive up the road. 

“I can,” he nods, “But you have to take the next call from the King.” 

I agree and nod my head, taking the file on his dashboard and beginning to read through it to get an understanding of what the King wants and what exactly we need to do. 

[undercoverclover]

No Matter Where

Part 4

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Yuchan x original character

Warnings? None here

Part 1 2 3

*BUZZ BUZZ*

Oh! I forgot to check Yuchan's phone!

I pull it out of my pocket and try to get comfy.

I had one  newly missed call and 1 text. 

I hate snooping through his phone. But it could be him. I unlock it. What if it's his girlfriend or something? Oh god, what if it is and I see something I don't want to?! Ew… ugh I hate life. I have to check the text at least. 

Luckily it's from him:

Yc: Liliana, hey! Practice is impossible to get out of before you head to the club. Would you, I mean. By chance bring it by here? Not having it, is kind of a big deal to my members. I'd really appreciate it and so would they. 

Oh boy…

Um. Oh boy.

Me: I, uh. I can? I think? Just pray I can get away from the girls without them coming with or else it will be the most embarrassing night of my life. 

Me: Sorry for replying late, I was being a human Barbie doll. XP

Now to devise a plan to get them to let me go. If they go with it, it'll end up one of two ways. 1) They're going to push me and I'll be so embarrassed I'll wanna crawl in a hole. Or 2) they will be so speechless that they won't know how to speak. 

*BUZZ BUZZ* 

Yc: Haha okay. So that means you are dressed up. Be careful if you are in heels, the sidewalks are a bit cracked. 

We ended the conversation with where to go so I could meet him and return his phone. Plus, I had finally figured out a plan… I think? I hope. I start messing with the hair tie that was on my wrist, which normally I only do when I'm super anxious. Then I looked down and groaned..

"Ugh!"

"What's your deal?" Anya asks, eyeing me. 

"I hate being dressed up." I say, not lying. Technically. 

"Oh shut it and have fun. At least I gave you one thing. And that's only cuz Anya made me!" Ria said, crossing her arms. 

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." I say, shrugging her off.  Thank god she didn't notice me messing with my wrist, she'd know that wasn't the only thing up then.

"We're here!" Ria calls to us excitedly as the car slows to a stop. 

"I'll pay I guess." I say, hoping they'll let me.

"Okay." They say in unison. 

"Save me a spot in line while I do?" I ask pulling my wallet out of my bag.

"Yeah sure." Anya says and opens the door. 

Once they're out, I turn to the driver. 

"Excuse me. Sorry. Could you take me to this address? I'll pay for this ride when we get there." I say and at first I thought he'd protest, but eventually agreed. 

"Awesome! When I say go. Go fast. Okay?" 

I open the car door and the girls look at me. 

"Guys! I'll be back as soon as I drop his phone off and get mine back! I'll be safe!" I say closing the door and telling the driver to go quickly. 

We took off and I looked out the window to see the girls trying to protest me. 

"Well that worked better than expected!" I said laughing so hard at myself. 

I pulled out his phone from my pocket. 

Me: I'm on my way. I managed to escape them XD 

Yc: Is that a good thing or bad? They are already blowing up your phone. 

Me: Don't answer them! I'm only a few minutes out. I'll call them when I get there. Sorry! 

Yc: Okay, I'll see you soon. :D 

Why am I so giddy? I'm so excited and I shouldn't be! I'm only going to exchange phones for crying out loud!!

Yuchan

I bit my lip and smile as I hit send on the message. 

"Looks like I'm finally getting my phone back hyung." I say, chuckling.

"Oh yeah? Finally? From the one who stole it?" Donghun says giving me hell for the 800th time. 

"Oh knock it off hyung! You know she didn't steal it.  She's not even used it to call or message anyone but me.She didn't mean to." I say, rolling my eyes at the eldest of our group. 

 I really don't think Liliana would do that. She didn't seem like that type. She probably didn't even know who or what I was. 

"Earth to Chan!" Bk says, smacking me lightly on the shoulder. 

"Oh huh?" I shook my head and stared at him. 

"You good?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I reply.

"Still thinking about that girl you can't get your mind off of?" He says smirking, loud enough for the others to hear. 

"Ah! Hyung! I don't think of her like that!" I could feel my ears getting red.

 That's the last time I try to talk to Byeongkwan about a girl. It's totally not what I need tonight. Not while she's on her way over here. Even if it is to bring me back my phone.

"You'll be just fine Chan. She was cute. Don't be dumb." Donghun says as he comes up and ruffles my sweaty hair. 

"Ugh, why did I do that?" He says as he stares at his now -not his sweat- sweaty hand. Sehyoon and I started laughing so hard at that point. My nerves were exploding, I needed the outlet.

"Okay back to work you 4. Come on, let's go." Jun called to us to get off the floor. 

"I'd like to finish this before 2 a.m. AGAIN." He says trying to be dramatic but being overly so. 

"Oh calm yourself, Umbridge." Donghun says sarcastically making all of us burst out laughing even more as we got up to finish our late night practice. 

Liliana

The driver pulled up outside of a dance studio. I paid him, plus I gave him an extra tip since he was acting as my getaway driver then I thanked him and got out. He drove away as I stood there looking at the place. It was late, about 10:30 p.m. I'd hoped he was still here.

I grabbed his phone out of my bag and called him. It rang and there was no answer. I did again. Same thing.

"Great, he's probably already gone." I say to myself. You always ruin everything Liliana. 

"No. Now stop Lili. You won't start this." 

Maybe he is still here and practicing. Good lord I look dumb too. Just shut up and go get your phone back, smart one. 

I head to the door and pray it opens. Once I put my hand on the door handle and pull? It opens! 

YES! Thank god! Oh shi- it opened. Now I have to go in. 

Okay, I got this. I took a step in and looked around. It was dark. I could see but it wasn't well. 

The walls were decorated with little drawings. I'd never seen so many. I walk up to them to look at them and get caught up in the designs of the faces and water photoshoots. It was all so beautiful!

*Buzz Buzz Buzz*

I almost screamed. The phone buzzing scared me so bad.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hello. Wait are you here? I thought I heard someone when the music paused." He said.

"I. Um. I am." I reply nervously.

"Oh! Okay, one second." I heard him answer from inside the room I was closest to.

Then the door opened and he stepped out. I immediately realized I hated what Ria put me in. He was wearing sweatpants, a sleeveless shirt that was way too big for him and Nike sneakers. He looked comfy and amazing. I was uncomfortable. Lord, pray for me.

He saw me, smiled that amazing smile and walked over to see what I was looking at.

"Hey!" He said enthusiastically.

"Hey. You realize it's almost 11 p.m. what are you still doing at, what was it, practice? This late?" I couldn't help but smile at him. My heart skipped and the amount of butterflies in my stomach were unreal.

He laughed.

"We, uh, we practice pretty late usually. Actually our schedule is all over the place. Sometimes it can be 2 a.m. before we're done."

"Oh wow! That's insane! I couldn't imagine that." I say, genuinely shocked.

"Yeah it gets hectic occasionally." He smiles. Ugh, be still my heart.

"Oh, before I forget. Here's your phone Yuchan." I say and hand it to him.

"Oh thanks! Follow me," he says walking towards the door he just came from.

"I'll have to go grab yours from the top of my practice bag. I don't know why I didn't bring it with me." He said shaking his head and laughing under his breath.

He opened the door and I followed him in. It was so much brighter in here and there were others. The guys from the coffee shop, too.

Man the girls would flip right now.

"Wow!" I said a little too loud, as I looked around. Yuchan stops and looks around at me. The others too.

"Sorry! Sorry. I've never been in a studio before." I say nervously twisting the hair tie on my wrist.

"Ooohhh, that's okay. Take a look around while I grab the phone." Yuchan smiled.

"Thanks! I may!" I say as I start walking around just looking at the set up of the place.

The mirrors are so huge! This is so cool. Then my eyes land on myself.

Ugh, god I look awful. I think and turn towards the radio equipment.

"I don't think so." Yuchan said coming up behind me and handing me my phone. I look up and he's smiling.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" I said hiding my face in my hands.

"You did." He smiled brighter and I blushed.

My face was probably beet red now, like it got when I was embarrassed.

"Oh god." I say under my hands on my face.

"Don't be embarrassed it's okay, I don't think you look awful. I think quite the opposite actually." Yup, now I'm definitely blushing.

"Thank you, Yuchan. But even with my shoe choice?" I say holding my foot out a bit so he can clearly see my black and white high-top converse.

He laughed his high pitched laugh and his eyes smiled too.

I really love his laugh. God I hope I actually thought that one.

"Yes, even your converse look good with your dress."

"Why thank you sir." I laugh and curtsey like Alice to the Red Queen.

*Buzz Buzz Buzz*

"Ugh, I think I liked your phone better. It was quieter." I say looking down at Anya's number, "I'm probably in trouble." I say and grimace slightly.

I answer and hold the phone away from my ear since I know what's coming.

"LILIANA MAY! YOU ARE IN FOR IT WHEN I GET THERE!" I stare at the phone bewildered. I could hear Ria just as loud in the background. Yelling at me. Chan looked just as shocked as I did. He motioned that he was going to go and talk to the other guys while I talked to her, or attempted. What did she mean? And then I realized I forgot to turn off my location.

They got worried. I should have messaged them as soon as I got here.

"Anya, I'm fine. Stay at the club. I'll be back soon." I say trying to get the words between the angry rambling.

"We're already on our way you ass!" Yup. I am in trouble.

"Okay we'll just breathe. I'm fine. I'll see you when you get here I guess." I hung up before I could get yelled at more.

I play with my hair tie and walk up to the 5 men towering over me.

They're so much taller up close…

"Liliana, this is Jun, Sehyoon, Byeongkwan and Donghun. Guys this is my phone thief, Liliana." He said smiling and retaining a laugh.

"Hey! Th- tha- that's not fair! It was completely an accident! Your head knocking into mine mixed up my brain cells!" I was appalled he introduced me like that! But I couldn't help laughing when he did. Breathe Lili.

"Anyway! I'm sorry to interrupt your guys practice. I'm just going to go wait outside. My friends are apparently on their way to get me." I say looking down and just trying to avoid eye contact.

"What why?" Someone pipes up. I don't look up though. I tried to think of a better reason then I ditched my friends.

"I, uh. Um… I kinda sorta dropped them off and told the driver to go before they could realize what was happening."

That got a laugh out of them. The one Ria liked, Byeongkwan, was laughing and clapping his hands. Anya's eye catcher, Donghun, was covering his mouth silently laughing. The other 2 I hadn't fully paid attention to in the coffee shop that day, Jun and Sehyoon, were holding their stomachs almost rolling on the floor. Overall, Yuchan was just grinning. He knew the plan, even though the outcome was different.

Donghun finally caught some air, "So you mean to say that you ditched your friends to come meet Chan?" He still had a half smirk on his face. He was teasing me!

But did I? I mean I was returning his phone. I guess I kind of did. Shoot me...

"Well, I-, just believe me when they get here you'll know why I did it that way." I said my face was unbelievably red now. I could feel it.

"Now look hyung, you're making her blush, leave her be. She did bring the phone back like Yuchan said." Jun said, smiling but serious. They all smiled and Sehyoon just shook his head.

He must be the quiet one. I knew someone like that too.

"Well, as much as you want to avoid the confrontation that was coming from that phone earlier, in front of us, you're not going outside alone at 11 o'clock at night." Yuchan said with a very serious look on his face.

I don't know whether to blush or be agitated that he's trying to tell me what I can and can't do.

"It may be 11 but I can handle myself. And you heard Anya on the phone, maybe Ria too. It's not something I'd like anyone to see." I said firmly.

"No." Yuchan said, crossing his arms.

"Yuch-" I started.

"Chan's right Liliana. You're not going out by yourself. You can sit and wait. Practice isn't over so you can watch us." Sehyoon said, shocking me into shutting up.

I just nodded.

"Thank you hyung." Yuchan said, nodding at him. Sehyoon nodded back.

"Okay on that note, let's finish practicing." Byeongkwan said as he got up off the floor.

Yuchan walked me over to a seat and told me I could sit there. I took my jacket off and sat down, then proceeded to cover up my legs with it.

"What is it?" I ask, shyly. He was standing there, kind of just staring at me. I looked down to make sure I didn't have anything on me. Nothing that I saw…

"Nothing. Nothing, you just look pretty in it, is all." He said and added, "Okay I've gotta get to work. Don't judge me too harshly." He smiled and went to get in the center of the studio.

So they're a dance group? They must be pretty good to be working here. I wonder what music they dance to. Just then the music starts and it sounds so amazing!

~Turn me up so they can hear this. Louder!~

I was intrigued. The way they began to move! So in sync. The way they moved was so mesmerizing, I couldn't look away.

The song ended and I'm not going to lie. I was sad.

I was speechless.

"I think we broke her." Byeongkwan laughed, looking over and seeing my astonished expression.

"What? No! I mean yes! That was amazing! I've never seen anything like that before." Okay, don't get over excited Lili.

Then I heard my friends…. Oh fudge.

[is0gild]

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 17

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 12,131

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

Day three of Operation Boyfriend But Shh Not Really and so far, so good.

Though the thought of this triple date had my inner recluse curling up into the fetal position, I'd manage to convince myself it actually was a good thing when you really thought about it. One, it gave me more practice for trying to do this whole couply… thing I was trying to do. More practice meant I'd eventually, hopefully be more comfortable with it all, as well as less chance for screw-ups in front of my parents when the dreaded but inevitable weekend with them at last came. Two, we were trying to maintain this image of being boyfriend and girlfriend in front of everyone else at the mall. And boyfriends and girlfriends went on dates. What better way to be seen going on said dates than by going out with other actual couples? And three, we couldn't forget about the person the Duke had hired to tail Anna originally and could quite possibly still be keeping tabs on me now. If they were still out there lurking, it was important that they, even more so than anyone else,see me dating.

It was still kind of weird to think about - that an actual, real life PI or whatever had been surveilling me constantly for who knows how long and I'd had no idea. It felt so surreal. Unreal even. But the Duke was absolutely that crazy and I wouldn't put it past him to still have someone keeping an eye on me, looking for any cracks in the story, any slip-ups or mistakes. I'd have to start paying attention more when I was out and about, see if I could figure out who it was, spot any faces that seemed to always show up everywhere I went.

But then, even if I did identify a likely culprit, I would have absolutely no idea what to do with that information once I had it. Even if I marched right up to them and told them their cover had been blown so they may as well scram, the Duke was just insane enough and rich enough to keep hiring new people to do the job instead.

...jeez, I was really starting to sound paranoid now, wasn't I?

With my luck, it'd turn out the Duke no longer had anyone following me after he'd confronted me in the food court.

Best not to think about it too much, because honestly? It'd get me nowhere.

Sighing, I banished the thoughts from my head as I watched the buildings blur past my window from the backseat of Riku's silver Ford Focus. The three of us were on our way to the restaurant now and Lea, Kairi and Sora were going to meet us there. My hand anxiously smoothed out the creases of my outfit - a dark magenta sheath dress with long sleeves and a hemline at the knees. It had a tastefully low v-neckline and a double layered skirt, the top layer made of a shimmering gossamer material. Nice, but nothing too fancy for our "nothing too fancy" date, to use Kairi's words.

Per Lea's request, I'd also worn his leather jacket. It made sense, after all. Nothing screamed "dating" more than one half of a couple wearing their other half's clothes, so it certainly helped maintain the facade. His boy scent still lingered on it, even though he hadn't worn it in a couple of days now, given it had been in my possession. The smell was somehow both soothing and butterflies-in-the-stomach inducing at the same time. It was an odd mix of emotions, to say the least.

I felt a buzz in the jacket's pocket. Pulling out my phone (gosh, it was so weird having one again after going so many weeks without) I checked my notifications to discover I'd received a text.

Well, speak of the devil.

Still cant believe u didnt lemme come pick u up

Shaking my head with a small snort, I tapped out a reply to Lea.

It just made the most logical sense for me to ride with Riku and Rayne since we were all coming from the same place.

Rayne suddenly cried out happily, drawing my attention to her as she clapped and bounced in the front passenger seat. "Ahh, I'm still just so excited for date night! Good food, great company, hot hubby," she slyly pinched Riku's cheek, which he endured with dignity as he drove. "What more could a girl ask for?"

He chuckled as he shifted the car over into the turn lane. "You make it sound like I never take you out."

"You know that's not what I mean!" she playfully smacked his shoulder. "But with the baby on the way, I don't know how many more of these I'll have! This is one of my last chances to enjoy freedom! Jesus take the fucking wheel, hallelujah!"

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand again and I looked down at it.

I know not this logic u spk of

I felt a tiny smile pulling at my mouth as my thumbs typed.

Don't worry about it. Tis beyond your mortal ken.

"I just hope no one's drinking tonight," Riku snerked as I watched those three dots bounce at the bottom of my screen. "Don't need you dancing on any more tables, thank you very much."

"Your face dances on tables!" Rayne shot back, sticking her tongue out at him.

"That doesn't even make any sense."

"You don't even make any sense!"

Rude. Ill have u know I had half a mind 2 drive ovr n get u NEway, logic b damned

My smile turned a touch wicked.

I'm impressed. That's half a mind more than you usually have.

"Here we are!"

My head shot up as I heard the engine shut down. I hadn't even realized we were in a parking lot. I hadn't even realized the vehicle had stopped moving.

As I looked out my window again, I heard Rayne saying, "Have I mentioned how happy I am we're doing this?"

"You may have said something about that once or twice." I could hear the smile in Riku's low voice.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her leaning over towards him, her hand coming up to run slender fingers through his long, ashen strands. "Yeah, but maybe I should show you."

"Maybe you should…"

And that's when I, being the absolute clueless, blissfully naive little fool that I was, chose to turn and fully look at them, just in time to get a front row seat to their little game of tonsil hockey. I blushed, threw up a hand to block my line of sight and made a tiny noise of disgust in my throat. "Ugh! You know you're not the only people in the car, right?"

Rayne pulled away to smirk back at me. "Well, other people can shoo," she flicked a dismissive hand in my direction before grabbing Riku by his collar and yanking him over for a deeper, more passionate kiss. Ding, ding, round two!

Squeaking, I fumbled with my seatbelt until I heard the click release, threw my car door open, stumbled out and slammed it shut behind me with a huff.

Oi, that was the main drawback to this group date plan. We were going to be around actual couples, and actual couples actually, ahem… snogged. Rayne and Riku were going to be bad enough, but let's not forget Sora and Kairi were along for the ride too and I'd seen firsthand how gross those two could be as well. Mark my word, this night was going to have more than its fair share of uncomfortable moments with those four around, being all besotted and smitten and other such rot. But I would survive this and make it through to the other side. Somehow.

Sweeping my braid forward over one shoulder, I glanced up at the building before me now. It bore a colorful banner over its entrance that read Fuente Del Oro. A local, family-owned Mexican restaurant, or so Rayne had told me. I could already tell this was going to be a very different experience from the types of restaurants my ex used to take me to for our dates. Those restaurants had all been about the look, the prestige… you didn't go to any of those places for the food, you went there to be seen, to give off an air of importance. Those places were… dull. Lifeless. This place before me now, on the other hand, was… nice. Colorful. Vibrant and full of character. Not elegant or frilly, but warm and inviting. And the aromas that I could smell coming from it, even all the way out here? Delicious.

I was actually kind of looking forward to this.

Phone still in my grasp, I looked back down at it and frowned.

No message back from Lea yet.

A giggle suddenly echoed out across the parking lot and my eyes snapped towards the source. It didn't take long to spot Kairi a few vehicles over, squirming and laughing in Sora's arms as he hugged her from behind, blowing raspberries against her neck. They were standing with a very familiar redhead who was leaning against a very familiar black muscle car. Said redhead had pulled his hair back into a ponytail again and was dressed in a snug, black tee with a second shirt on underneath, red and black horizontal stripes running down its full-length sleeves. His slim, dark jeans made his already long legs seem even longer and he was sporting his bright red Converse. He had his phone in hand in front of him, but it wasn't the phone he was looking at. Our eyes met and a grin tugged at one corner of his lips.

Suddenly, whatever boldness that I had felt behind the safety of text on the tiny, glowing screen in the palm of my hand had abandoned me and I felt a small pang of anxiety pierce my chest.

But I rallied.

Alright, Elsa, pep talk time. You can do this. You've been mentally and emotionally preparing for this since yesterday. Let him throw at you whatever fluffy, sappy moves he decides to today, all in the name of pretending to be your boyfriend. You can take it.

Shields raised and at full power, captain!

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, I pocketed my mobile and started making my way over to those three. Probably hearing my footsteps against the asphalt, Kairi and Sora looked over at me as I approached and greeted me with waves. I gave them a shy smile and returned the wave as Lea held his phone up, turning the screen towards me and showing the last message I'd sent him as he tsked, "Brutal. You wound me, madame."

I stopped a few feet away from him, my smile twitching wider. "You like it."

"True. What can I say, I've always been a bit of a masochist," he hummed a low chuckle, slipping his phone into the back pocket of his pants. His head tipped to one side and he stared at me for another second, then his eyes crinkled as he stretched a hand out towards me with a soft, "C'mere."

I bit my bottom lip, hesitating for a heartbeat before moving another step forward to take his offered hand.

"Lookit you," he whistled, closing his fingers around mine and leading me into a little twirl. "Digging the look." He then gently pulled me against him, drawing my arms up to hug his neck before slipping his hands beneath the jacket to wrap around my waist, enveloping me in his cinnamon scent. "Didn't get a chance to say it the other day, but my jacket suits you."

I rolled my eyes up at him, doing my best to be impervious to our sudden closeness. I wasn't succeeding. "Not really. It's too big."

"Yes really," he insisted, bowing his head slightly towards mine. "It looks way better on you than it ever did on me."

"Where's Riku and Rayne?" Sora interjected and I turned my head to look at him.

"They-" my words tripped over my tongue as Lea pressed a tender kiss to my temple.

Critical hit, captain! Shields down to thirty percent, but holding!

Ignoring the heat rushing to my face, I did my best to regather my scattered thoughts. "They, uh… they're back in the, uh… the…" Drat, what was the word again? "...car! They're back in the… the car."

Sora pulled a face. "Swapping spit, no doubt."

"Oh-ho, we'll see about that! C'mon, Sora!" Kairi cackled with an evil gleam in her eye, slipping free of her boyfriend's hold to instead grab his hand and pull him behind her as she ran off towards Riku's car.

"Seriously," Lea spoke up again, his voice hushed as I slowly returned my gaze to his. "Pretty sure I've lost all claim to that jacket. It belongs to you now."

My eyelids drooped. "That's not how that works."

"Sure it is." He rested his forehead against mine and I could feel his thumb rubbing light circles against the fabric of my dress just above my hip. "You don't choose a leather jacket, it chooses you. And trust me, that one has definitely picked you over me."

I gave a soft snort. "I'm giving it back to you after tonight."

"Don't you dare," he chided, his breath warming my lips. "You'll hurt the jacket's feelings."

"Stop anthropomorphizing the jacket." I was fighting a smile now.

"Make me," he murmured, something in his voice causing my insides to do that whole warm, fuzzy, squishy thing.

And the academy award for best leading actor in the role of Elsa's boyfriend goes to this guy right here.

But had to say, I thought he might be overdoing it a bit. I mean, Sora and Kairi weren't even around anymore to hear any of this. And if we were being monitored by someone under my great uncle's payroll, they certainly couldn't hear it either. I suppose Lea just… really liked getting into character?

Clearing my throat, I unclasped my hands from behind his neck and shifted them down to his chest in an attempt to push myself free of his grasp as I whispered, "We, ah… should probably go speak to the hostess now."

However, his hold on me didn't loosen, his arms remaining firmly secured around my waist. He didn't say anything, just continued to grin down at me. His eyes became hooded as they flicked down to my lips now, making my heart skip a beat.

What was he-?

A sudden loud yelp ruptured the air around us.

Rayne.

Followed by an annoyed yell of, "Goddamnit, Sora! Kairi!"

And that would be Riku.

The two delinquents in question blurred past us and towards the restaurant's front doors, whooping and snickering and razzing their tongues back at their victims climbing out of the Ford Focus. "We'll grab us a table!" Sora called quickly at the same time Kairi shouted, "See ya inside!" Then they both disappeared through the entrance with Rayne and Riku hot on their heels.

I heard Lea sigh. Or maybe he didn't. It was so soft that it was fully possible that I imagined it. Then he released me, slipping one hand into mine and jerking a thumb towards the restaurant with a lopsided smile, "Shall we?"

I stared at him, feeling the night air cool my warmed face. Then I gave a tentative nod and let him lead me inside.

The others hadn't made it far past the doors and we stepped in to find Riku doling out Sora's punishment: death by a thousand noogies. Sora was smacking his cousin's arm and trying to wriggle free, but to no avail. Apparently Kairi had gotten off with only a warning for she was standing off to one side with Rayne, both cracking up as they watched the boys. I looked past them, taking in the restaurant. Strings of fairy lights hung from the ceiling intermixed with strings of multi-colored papers, each bearing cutouts depicting various imagery. The walls were painted with murals of fantastical, mythical creatures of various shapes and sizes with wings and prismatic fur, feathers and scales. This place was absolutely beautiful.

Once the roughhousing had finally settled down, we all approached the hostess, an extremely tiny, extremely old lady wearing a name tag that read Coco who seemed far more interested in napping than greeting new customers. However, she woke up long enough to squint at her list and find our reservation before calling over a man to seat us. He led us through the restaurant and to a large booth in one of the back corners, leaving menus, chips and salsa on the table before flashing us a warm, genuine smile and saying he'd be back to take our orders in a minute.

I started shrugging out of the jacket, feeling Lea assist me before folding it over his arm and gesturing towards the booth with bow and a, "Lady's first." Smiling at him, I took a seat and scooched towards the middle. Lea wasn't too far behind, sitting close enough for our knees to bump against one another. He tossed the jacket on the back shelf of the booth before draping his arm across the top of the cushioned seat behind my head. Rayne took the spot to my left with Riku of course beside her, and on the other side of Lea sat Kairi and Sora. The waiter came back after giving us a little time to peruse the menus and he gathered our food requests before dashing off again.

"So Ray," Kairi piped up, popping a heavily salsa-laden chip into her mouth, "how's the preggers-life treating you?"

"Really well," she nodded contentedly, one hand going to her tummy. "The jellybean's happy and healthy so far and I've just started barely showing in the past couple weeks. No weird food cravings yet, thank god, but those are supposed to be right around the corner."

Sora leaned forward, propping his chin in both hands and beamed, "Do we know yet if I have a lil nephew or niece on the way?"

"We're cousins, Sora. Nephews and nieces would only be if we were brothers," Riku corrected with a wry curve to his lips.

"We don't know yet," Rayne shook her head, "but I'm about four months along now, so hoping to find out at our next appointment."

Lea had shifted his hand to dangle down so he could idly twiddle my braid between his fingers. I could also sense his gaze on me, causing a bit of a flutter in the pit of my stomach. Reminding myself he was just playing a part and it wasn't real, I resisted the urge to squirm and instead pretended not to notice, directing all my focus into reaching for a chip to dip into the salsa.

"Well whatever the wee monkey turns out to be, you can bet Auntie Kairi and Unkie Sora will be here to shower it with all the love and kisses!" Kairi cooed.

Riku twitched and frowned. "I just said that isn't how it-"

"Shush, hon, they're just teasing you now," Rayne poked his cheek with a laugh before looking back over at Kairi. "And you? How's the new gig over at Mickey's going? You've been there, what? About a week now?"

"Mm-hm! It's been a lot of fun working the jewelry counter. Oh sure, there's the occasional asshole customer, but turns out I'm really good at killing them with kindness."

Riku kicked Sora's foot under the table, "What about you, ya freeloader? Any prospects yet?"

He shrugged with that big smile he seemed to always have permanently glued to his face. Just looking at it was starting to make my cheeks hurt. "Couple of interviews coming up, so we'll see!"

Smirking, Riku said, "Can't wait to hear how you screw them up this time, knucklehead."

"Hey!"

Kairi turned to look our direction now. "So what's new and exciting with you two, hm? Lea, you just had that big test, right?" Silence was her answer as I went for another chip. "Lea? Hello, earth to... ah-ha, there!" She rocketed up to her feet, slamming one hand down on the table and pointing the other right in Lea's face. "Lost puppy look!"

"Hm, what now?" he jolted, his hand jerking away from my braid to lay across the booth backrest once more. "Lost pup-? Bah, I told you already, there's no lost puppy look. You need to get your eyes checked, princess."

She scoffed, plopping heavily back down into her seat and smugly take a sip of her soda. "Please. You were bad at hiding it when you guys were dating in secret, and you're even worse at it now that it's all out in the open."

"What's the deal there anyhow?" Sora cocked his head at me. "There's all sorts of wild rumors flying around the mall, like that you're runaway royalty from some far off country just living off the lam now."

"What?!" I blanched, gawking in disbelief. Doing my best to recover with a tiny, awkward laugh, I hastily said, "No, nothing quite so, ah… dramatic. My parents, they're… well off, to be sure, but certainly not royalty. And not from so far away either. Just Arendelle, which is only about an hour north of here."

Chewing on her straw, Kairi eagerly leaned in closer, "I'd love to hear the story of how you two met!"

I stiffened.

Fudge.

Welp, add that to my ever growing list of things I should have thought about in advance but failed miserably to do so. I fiddled a chip between my fingers as I tucked in my bottom lip. Shoot, what was I supposed to tell her? It's not like I'd gotten any better at lying in the past few days since my visit with Father. In fact, I'd been mostly skirting by since then by dodging questions and letting people fill in the blanks for themselves so I didn't have to. Heart thudding in my chest, I opened my mouth, not quite fully sure yet what was going to come out.

"Last summer," Lea was quicker. "In another city."

"Oh, during that big cross-country road trip you took?" Rayne asked him as she leaned into her husband who slung an arm around her shoulders.

Lea tapped his own nose, "That'd be the one, Raindrop."

Kairi gasped, "You two met in a foreign city? How romantic! That's the dream!"

"You have to leave the country in order for it to be a foreign city," Riku shook his head.

"Cram it, you knew what I meant!"

"It was like one of those scenes straight outta a movie," Lea planted an elbow on the table, rubbing a curled finger over his smirk as he watched me out of the corner of his eye. "There I was, just strolling along minding my own business, smack dab in the middle of a jam-packed city street. But then the crowd parted and there she stood. The most gorgeous creature to ever walk the face of this or any other planet in all the cosmos."

Cue my face turning all new shades of red never before witnessed in the history of human eyesight.

Jeez, laying it on a bit thick there, Lea, don't you think?

"So whatdja do?" Kairi pressed, eyes bright and on the edge of her seat. "Sweep her off her feet right then and there?"

He snerked, "Shit no, I walked headfirst into a lamppost."

I smothered a grin behind my hand as the rest of the table erupted into laughter. Sora reached over to punch him lightly in the arm, "Smooth, ya stud. What city was this anyway?"

"Corona," I was the one to answer, surprising myself. Suddenly self-conscious with all eyes turning to me, I quietly added, "I was there for part of my vacation last year."

"By yourself?" Rayne quirked a dubious eyebrow at me. She knew this story was as made-up as my current relationship status was. I could only assume she was trying to poke holes in order to help us solidify this little tale that was being spun so we'd be more prepared for the next time we had to tell the lie.

The thing is, the best lies have a grain of truth to them. I really had been in Corona last summer. "No, I was taking the trip with Anna. We were actually staying over in Traverse Town, but had planned to visit Corona for the day to enjoy a festival there, since it was only a short train ride away. However, Anna disappeared with a guy before we could go. I'd really been looking forward to this festival though and didn't want to miss it, so I took the train over on my own."

"Wait," Kairi slapped both hands down in front of her, eyes widening. "Are you talking about that big lantern festival they do every year?" At my nod, she squealed. "Lucky! Punzie has shown me pictures in magazines, it looks so goddamn pretty! Oh man, I've always wanted to go! Hint, hint," she shouldered Sora, who just chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

"It was actually right as they were launching the lanterns that I saw her," Lea said, folding his arms atop the table now. "She was wearing this cute sundress. White with a lil diamond patterned hem. Split sleeves that were all flowy. Hair down and dancing in the slight breeze." Wow, he was really selling this. He'd even nailed that whole far away look in his eye, like he was seeing something the rest of us couldn't. "And the way those lanterns lit up her smile as she watched them float up, I knew my lowly mortal self was in the presence of a goddess. Knocked the wind right outta me."

"As did that lamppost," Rayne sniggered.

"As did that lamppost," he agreed with a chuckle.

Totally enthralled now, Kairi breathed, "So what happened next?"

"Yeah, what did happen next?" I grinned over at him, the barest note of a challenge to my tone. To the others, it probably just sounded like I was teasing him since obviously I was already supposed to know this story. But now I was almost as invested as Kairi and was genuinely curious where he'd go with it next.

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he looked over at me and he leaned back, propping his elbows up on the back rim of the booth and once more slipping an arm behind my head. "Well after the lantern bit was over, I watched her get onto her train heading back to Traverse Town. So I did what any self-respecting, red-blooded, utterly bewitched male would do: I followed her."

"Stalker," Riku singsonged.

His wife smacked his leg, "Hush, it's sweet!"

He snorted, eyelids drooping, "Yeah, so sweet, the dumbass left his car behind in Corona."

"Psssh, I just took the train back for it later," Lea brushed off. "Anyway, when I found her on board, I sat across from her and worked up the nerve to strike up a conversation."

Rayne looked at me. "You? Talk to a handsome stranger on a train?" She squinted, repeating for emphasis, "You?"

"Heh… what can I say? He can be very charming," I smiled down at my drink, swirling the ice with my straw.

"Even with all of my roguish charm and devilish good looks though, it wasn't easy," Lea laughed. His hand had drifted down to start toying with my braid again. "But she warmed up to me eventually. By the time we arrived at Traverse Town, I was completely smitten. A total goner. She still needed more convincing though, so I managed to persuade her into joining me for a night out on the town. Luckily for me, Traverse Town has a very active night life that goes on for hours long after most other cities have gone to sleep."

"Yeah? Like what?" Sora burbled out around a mouth full of chips, making Kairi giggle as she put a hand over his face to hide it.

He pursed his lips to one side, looking up at the ceiling, "Oh, nothing too exciting. Few odds and ends here and there though… wandering around a record store… a café with a palm reader… a street poet at one sidewalk corner, a belly dancer at another, some stargazing in a park…" Now he smirked over at me, "A carnival with a kiss at the top of the ferris wheel."

A mock gasp from Rayne, "Scandal! And you with a fiancé, young lady!"

I looked away, suddenly feeling guilty and flustered over something that hadn't even really happened. "...ferris wheels can be very enchanting."

And my streak of helping the lie along while not actually lying myself successfully continues!

"And then, and then?" Kairi insisted impatiently, just eating this whole bit of fiction right up.

He chuckled and shrugged, "Just mostly a lot of meandering the streets and talking. We were out all night and watched the sunrise together. Eventually, she had to go meet up with her sister so they could move on to another city for the next leg of their lil vay-kay. But I didn't let her leave without agreeing to meet with me again in a few months."

Kairi was slackjaw now as she whispered, "And did she?"

"Mm-hm!" he hummed happily. "And from there, we kept meeting up, our little get-togethers getting longer and more frequent over time."

"Then what?" She was relentless.

A wolfish curl tugged at one side of his mouth. "What else? I slowly seduced her until she fell helpless into my bed, hungry for the pleasure only I could give her," he waggled his eyebrows.

Of course I'd chosen that exact second to be taking a sip of my drink. And of course I promptly spluttered and choked on it. "Excuse me?" I coughed, laughing incredulously as I elbowed him in the gut.

He gave a pained grunt, but grinned and snagged my hand before I could retract it, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "I mean that in the most gentlemanly and respectful way possible, of course," he winked at me before looking back over at Kairi. "From there, I convinced her to run away from her family and ditch her two-bit, loser fiancé to be with me. And the rest, as they say, is history!"

"Wow!" she sighed dreamily, slumping back and fanning herself. Then she blinked, "Wait…" A gasp. "Oh my god! You swore off dating about a year ago, which was last summer! Was it cuz that's when you two met and it was love at first sight?!"

"Huh. The two certainly seem to line up perfectly, don't they?" he chirped. He'd rested my hand back down onto the table, his on top of mine, threading our fingers together.

Our waiter popped up again just then. "Your food will be just another moment. In the meantime, please allow us to entertain you with some music." He then turned, clapped his hands twice and called out, "Miguel!"

Out charged a boy in his early teens wearing a red hoodie and lugging a guitar that was white, etched in swirly patterns, and nearly as big as he was. He flashed us a smile huge enough to rival one of Sora's and without further preamble, started strumming away and singing. The kid was actually really good too!

Kairi clapped in delight and Rayne cooed over how adorable he was. Sora gaped in awe at the boy's obvious talent while Riku just grinned, digging into the chips. As I watched him perform, I couldn't help but feel Lea's eyes on me once more instead of on our little musician. I shifted in my seat, slipping my hand free of his and bringing it up to tuck some bangs behind my ear, hiding the growing warmth I felt in my cheeks behind my fingers.

At this rate, I didn't know how I was going to survive fake dating this guy for the rest of the evening, let alone for two more weeks.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Lea's hand closed around mine, stopping me in my tracks. I glanced over my shoulder at him, then back towards where Rayne and Riku were climbing into their car across the parking lot. "With them?"

"Ahhhnt," he made a buzzer noise, grinning. "Wrong! Would the contestant care to venture another guess?"

I gave him some side-eye, feeling one corner of my lips turn up. "...with you?"

"Bingo!" He started walking towards his car, gently tugging me along with him. "I was already so rudely denied my god-given right as the boyfriend to pick you up from your place. No way am I missing out on giving you a lift over to the movie theater. Same goes for driving you back home later tonight, so better make your peace with it now. It's happening."

I felt my smile twitch a fraction wider as I fell into step beside him. "I suppose being my chauffeur is quite the honor and privilege. Wouldn't want to take that away from you."

"Glad that's settled then," he gave a chipper nod, unlocking the front passenger door of his vehicle and holding it open for me as I got in. As he then jogged over to the driver's side while I buckled in, there was a loud meep meep of a car horn and I looked up just as a hot pink Jeep blurred past where we were parked - Kairi and Sora, it seemed, going on to the cinema ahead of us. I waved at them just as Lea had settled in himself and started the engine.

"So," I began once we were on the road, resting my temple against my knuckles with my elbow propped on the window sill, still grinning as I watched him out of the corner of my eye, "you took a road trip last summer?"

He gave a low hum of confirmation, reaching over to turn down the volume on the rock oldies station coming through the radio. "Decided to have one last big adventure before I really buckled down and started taking school seriously. Did a lil soul searching, that whole shtick."

"Ah." My gaze focused on the road ahead once more and I hesitated for a second, gnawing on my lower lip. "...that was a nice story you told. About how we met."

Lea chuckled, leaving one hand on the wheel while moving the other to lay atop the headrest of my seat. "Liked it, didja?"

"Oh definitely." Now I hid my growing smile behind my hand, trying to keep a straight face. "Though I have to admit, I think I was a bigger fan of the original movie adaptation."

I watched him visibly stiffen. "The…?"

Tapping a curled finger to my chin, I muttered, "What was the title again? Before Sunrise, I believe?"

He snerked, then broke out into a full laugh. "Crap, ya caught me. Yeah, I may have borrowed from the plot there a tad."

"Just a bit," I shook my head at him. "You're lucky Sora and Kairi haven't seen the film."

"Kinda surprised you have," he turned the car down a road that would take us towards the mall. "Pretty sure it's older than you are."

"Nothing wrong with old movies," I shrugged before wrinkling my nose at him slightly with a tiny smile. "Kind of sappy though. Wouldn't have thought that'd be your kind of movie."

Looking my way, he smirked, "What can I say? I'm a sappy guy. And hey, at least I didn't steal everything from that flick."

"True. The stuff before the train was all you."

"You helped," Lea pointed out as he pulled up to a stop sign. He then tapped his index against the steering wheel a couple times. "...outta curiosity, why'd you say Corona? Out of all the other places you must of visited on your trip, what made you pick that city?"

As the car accelerated once more, I tilted my head in thought. "Don't know really… I guess I just felt it would be a nice place to meet someone new in. That'd it make for a good story." I paused, watching some tail lights streak past us. "...the lantern festival really was beautiful. Have you ever seen it?"

Lea shook his head as he glanced up at the rearview before shifting lanes, "Nah. Had plans to on the road trip, but something else came up."

"A shame," I sighed wistfully. "You missed out."

"Wouldn't say that," he murmured, a warm flicker in his eyes. "'Sides, there's always next time."

"Suppose that's true," I nodded. "Nice touch, by the way, describing the dress I was wearing. I think I might even own one that's pretty close to it." Don't think I'd been wearing it in Corona though. But I couldn't really remember. It had been over a year ago after all.

He laughed again, fingers combing his scalp before returning the hand to my seat, now on a spot next to my ear. "Well, I did help you pack your clothes from your old condo just a couple days ago. I probably saw it then."

"Good point." That made sense. It would have been too much of a coincidence if that'd actually been what I'd had on that day. But now… should I be worried that I hadn't really been in that dress? What if someone found out the mismatch in the story? No… no, that was just me overthinking things again. Even if the tale ever reached the ears of the Duke's goon, it's not like they could go back in time to fact check. "Just one more thing now." My eyes narrowed at him, at odds with my grin. "Might want to edit the ending a bit."

"Which part?" he asked a touch too innocently, already turning us into the Dusk Town Center parking lot. "Running away to be with me? Hasn't that been the story all along?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Try a little before that."

Wouldn't have thought it possible to both purse one's lips and smile at the same time, but Lea proved me wrong in that moment. "Hmm… oh! Well, figured wooing you over the course of months sounded more believable, but if you think it works better as weeks or even days, then-"

"No no. Little after that."

"Well then, now you got me stumped cuz I know you just couldn't possibly be talking about the absolute masterpiece that was the slow seducing, helpless bed falling, pleasure hungry part."

A snort. "Why yes, actually, I could be talking about that and in fact am."

"But that's the best part!" he protested, turning to park in a space right next to a familiar Ford Focus. "It's the heart and soul, the very essence of the story! The pièce de résistance, the crowning glory."

With a good natured scoff, I unfastened my seatbelt as the car shuddered into powering down. "Well decrown it because you're dropping that bit."

He lifted his chin slightly and gave a dignified sniff, "I am a storyteller, El. An arteest. You wouldn't ask Leonardo da Vinci to remove the smile from the Mona Lisa."

Well someone had a high opinion of himself. Which honestly came as zero surprise. I fixed him with a dull stare. "Drop it or your jacket gets a giant, sticky stain before the night is out." And with that, I opened my door.

Lea scrambled out of the car and rushed over to join me on my side just as I slammed the door shut behind me. He had the decency to only spend a couple seconds looking mildly miffed at having been denied the opportunity to open and hold the car door for me before his frown melted into a smile once more. "Jeez, blackmail? Never thought you'd stoop so low. But eh," he shrugged, "jacket's black, it'll be fine."

"You're failing to see the big picture here," I crossed my arms as I waited for Rayne and Riku to get out of their own vehicle. My guess was they were probably going for another round of Seven Minutes in Heaven in there. Smirking at Lea, I elaborated, "Because then I'll wash it."

"Egads," he mocked gasp, splaying a hand against his chest, "the horror."

My smirk curled wickedly. "In a washing machine."

As my roomies finally vacated their car (faces flushed, I might add), Lea actually paled. "But it's dry clean only!"

"That's right," I said smugly and turned to walk away. "So nix that line or the jacket gets it."

"You fight dirty," he muttered as he caught up to me, slipping his hand into mine. However, he was grinning.

Huh. That wasn't what I'd been expecting. IE the face of a man who'd just suffered a crippling defeat by my hands.

I narrowed my eyes up at him. "You certainly seem pretty happy about the impending, inevitable demise of your jacket."

Now the grin was joined by a dimple as we walked. "Well, it's just that in order for you to make good on your threat, you have to take my jacket hostage. Meaning you're gonna hafta keep it after all." His head dipped down closer to mine as he swung our hands slightly. "I count that as a win for me."

...well crud.

Score one for Lea there.

Shrieks and giggles suddenly erupted behind us before Sora tore past us towards the mall's entrance with Kairi riding piggyback. Rayne laughed and tugged Riku into a stumble behind her so they could catch up while Lea and I continued to take our time, bringing up the rear.

We made our way through the food court and over to Cinema XIII. The manager with long, silver hair that I'd seen there last time was present again, off to one side where he was setting up a huge cardboard display for the latest Star Wars movie. I watched him scowl and fiddle with the lifesize lightsaber cutouts as our group purchased tickets from a blonde chick with a weird hairdo that kind of resembled antennae. As we'd approached, I could have sworn I'd seen her boredly cleaning her fingernails with a small knife, but there was no sign of the blade by the time we'd reached her register. Perhaps my eyes had just been playing tricks on me.

Tickets for our whodunit comedy flick in hand, we then moved over to concessions which was being worked by that same teen with the emo haircut that I'd also spotted here a couple weeks ago. He hardly glanced up from the book he was reading as Riku and Rayne ordered snacks and drinks from him, Sora waiting in line behind them with Kairi still latched onto his back.

"Alright, whatcha want? My treat," Lea asked as he watched the flat screens hanging behind the counter scroll flashy ads for crisp, buttery popcorn and fizzing, bubbly soda.

I blinked. "What?" Then I frowned at him. "Oh no, not happening. You already paid for dinner despite my multiple protests. I'm not letting you buy me candy too."

We were only fake dating after all, and I wouldn't even want to make a real boyfriend pay for everything!

"But it's my right as-"

I put my finger to his lips, silencing him as my eyelids drooped. "Enough with playing the boyfriend card already. You're having too much fun with that."

He puckered up and planted a tiny peck on my fingertip, sending a small jolt straight to my heart as I quickly jerked my hand back. He chuckled, "Just tell me what your fave candy is."

"Shouldn't you be able to guess?" I arched an eyebrow, stubbornly ignoring the way the tip of my finger still had a slight tingle. "Isn't that like your special gift or whatever?"

"Only with ice cream," he lightly corrected.

"Right," I crinkled my eyes at him. "How's that coming along again?"

His shoulders bobbed up and down. "It's a process."

"My turn!" Sora suddenly proclaimed loudly in front of us, dropping Kairi off his back and spinning around to get behind her.

His girlfriend gasped, "Sora no!"

"Sora yes!" he cackled, jumping onto her back, arms hugging her shoulders tight and legs wrapping around her waist as her hands automatically shifted to grasp beneath his knees. To her credit, she managed to stand for three whole shaky seconds before collapsing beneath her boyfriend's weight into a tangled heap on the floor with him.

Ah, to be young.

Never mind the fact that I was pretty sure I was only like a year older than them.

With a soft snort through my nose, I glanced back at Lea. "Well, while you keep processing, I'm going to go find our seats."

I turned to go, but he pulled me back with the hold he still had on my hand. "C'mon, just lemme buy ya something small," he insisted as he hopped over the Sora/Kairi knot that was still trying to disentangle itself, forcing me to gingerly step over the two of them as well.

Shaking my head with a sigh, I said, "Why won't you just let it go?"

He beamed. "Cuz what schmoopsie-poo wants, schmoopsie-poo gets."

Oh no he didn't.

"Uh-uh, no. Veto. You are not calling me that," I jabbed a finger into his chest.

There was a sly gleam to his eye. "Tell me what candy you want or I won't stop."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna bet?" he flashed a toothy grin as we stepped up to the counter now that my roommates had stepped off to one side, already munching away at their newly purchased sweets. "You'll think you died and went to schmoopsie-poo heaven."

I gave a small huff and looked away. "Small price to pay. Not budging on this."

"Fine. You've forced my hand." He turned his head to the concession worker, slapping his palm down on the countertop and proudly declaring, "I'll have one of everything, my good man!"

"What?! No, no, stop, he's joking," I hastily told the cashier, who froze mid-ringing the order up as he gave us a flat look with the one blue eye not hidden behind bangs. To Lea, I whispered, "What do you think you're doing?"

He shrugged, grin not faltering. "Figure ya gotta like at least one of 'em."

I stared at him. Then my shoulders slumped and I hung my head, grumbling, "...Junior Mints."

"You heard the lady," he chirped to the theatre employee. "And throw in a small popcorn and large Kupo-Kola too please!"

Once the junk food was acquired and paid for, we moved out of the way to join Riku and Rayne as Sora and Kairi bought their own goodies. While we were waiting, I opened up my candy and reached inside, retrieving a minty, chocolate-coated treat and popping it into my mouth.

"Can I have one?" Lea asked beside me.

I gave him a blank look. Then I glanced down at his hands, otherwise occupied with a full soda cup and a bag practically bursting with popcorn. Digging another Junior Mint out and holding it up between us, my gaze met his once more. "Say ahh."

Face brightening, his lips parted wide.

I inserted it into his nostril.

He blinked a couple times, then snorted which had the byproduct of dislodging the Junior Mint. "Okay, guess maybe I deserved that for being a lil pushy about getting you the candy."

"You most certainly did," I said matter-of-factly, eating another one. A pause while I slowly chewed before swallowing and mumbling, "...but thanks for doing it anyway."

"Heh. Don't mention it."

Kairi and Sora rejoined us then, arms piled high with sugary delights. Jeez, all that on top of the gigantic Mexican dinners they'd both devoured less than an hour ago? One had to wonder how the two of them managed to stay so skinny.

It didn't take long for us to locate our theater and when we entered, all the lights were dimmed for the trailers that had already started to play. We quietly found our seats close to the middle of the auditorium and we settled into them, Lea to the right of me and making up one end of our group while Rayne took up my other side, the rest of the gang to her right. It seemed the cinema had recently renovated with new, barely-used cushiony sofa seating, the kind that reclined.

As I pushed the button that popped out the chair's footrest and made myself more comfortable, I caught a glimpse of the others. Half way through a strand of red licorice, Rayne flinched when Riku was suddenly in her face and chomping down on the other end of the candy. Grinning, he took a few more bites, bringing their lips closer together until he could give her a smooch before pulling away, looking quite pleased with himself as she blushed and snerked, giving his shoulder a light shove. Kairi was tossing Milk Duds towards Sora's open, awaiting mouth and rewarding him with little kisses every time he successfully caught one.

Worrying my lower lip between my teeth, I glanced towards Lea out of the corner of my eye as he crunched away on some popcorn. Should we be acting all… couply right now? Like the others were? I mean, it was a dark theater… did we really need to keep the act up in here too? Would anyone really notice? Then again, I'd noticed our friends being all sickeningly cute and I hadn't even been trying to, my eyes had just wandered. So maybe it wasn't such a stretch to consider the two of us were also possibly being observed, even in here.

My gaze flicked down to the armrest I shared with Lea. It was wide enough for both our arms to lay on it side by side, elbows touching. He wasn't holding my hand at the moment, instead just resting his about an inch away from mine. Which, now that I noticed, actually felt a bit weird, oddly enough. I guess I was starting to get used to it. But perhaps I should look at this as an opportunity for some more practice. An exercise in me being the one for once to initiate a display of affection. I seriously couldn't get away with him being the one to start it all the time, right? Surely, I had to act like I liked him too.

Which, to be fair, I kind of did.

Even if it was a secret.

But now I had to wonder how does one go about, ah… what was the term? ...making a move? I'd never had to do it with my ex. I'd never particularly felt the urge, nor had he ever really encouraged me to have more initiative in that area. He'd always been the one to take charge and that seemed to be the way he'd liked it. It seemed to be what was expected of our relationship, by him, by my family, by the world of upper society that I had lived in for so long. But I was no longer in that world. Things were different here. I was different. And I needed to show that to my parents. And one way I could show that was by doing this.

So then… exactly how do I do this?

...well I suppose I could start by moving my hand in the general direction of his. Seemed simple enough… right?

Gulping and holding my breath, I slowly, oh so very slowly started reaching for his hand. As my fingers crept closer, the pounding in my ribcage grew louder and louder. A hairbreadth away from skin contact, I hesitated, what little courage I'd mustered already dwindling. But after a second, my face hardened. I needed to do this. For the sake of Operation Boyfriend But Shh Not Really. For the sake of a continued future free from my parents' control. With a newfound resolve burning in my chest, I pushed on.

My pinky barely brushed against his knuckle.

Nope! No way. Mm-mm, not happening!

I snatched my hand back, blushing furiously.

The blush of a failure. Pathetic.

However the touch, no matter how light and brief, hadn't gone unnoticed. Lea glanced my way, his head tipping slightly. Then he smiled, shifting his popcorn out of his lap over to his right while moving the soda from the cupholder between us to the one on his other side. Then he lifted the armrest separating us, folding it back between our chairs before slinging an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close so my head was pillowed by his chest.

I tensed for several seconds before relaxing against him, clearing my throat and, if possible, blushing even harder.

Well then.

Guess I no longer needed to worry about us not looking couply.

Even if I hadn't been the one to initiate.

...tomorrow. I would do a better job tomorrow.

As the last of the trailers ended and opening credits for the movie began filling the big screen, Lea ducked his head down next to mine. I could feel him grinning against my ear as he whispered, "This boyfriend model comes equipped with all the latest technology, including hilarious movie commentary. Would you like that feature enabled now?"

I leaned my head back a bit as I turned to look him in the eye. He cocked a playful eyebrow at me. Feeling one corner of my lips tug up, I whispered back, "Commentary on."

"You got it."

I was not disappointed.

"Is this really totally necessary?"

"Oh absolutely. Your uncle's spies could be anywhere, ever vigilant and watching at all times."

"Even here? In the parking lot for my own apartment?" I frowned dubiously.

I could feel him nodding against my hair. "Especially here. I'll have you know I've seen at least three cars pass us already, each one more suspicious and shady than the last."

Date night had been a rousing success, if I did say so myself. We'd had a good time with friends, dinner was amazing and delicious, and the movie had been excellent. But as everyone knows, all good dates (even the fake ones) must come to an end. And at the end of every date, some sort of goodnight ritual is often at the very least customary, if not absolutely essential. Traditionally, this usually takes the form of the infamous goodnight kiss. However, since I'd already taken any sort of liplock completely and one hundred percent off the table, Lea had instead opted for a hug.

One… extremely and uncomfortably long hug.

...okay, that was a lie. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. In fact, was actually quite nice. Pleasant, even. Ten out of ten, would recommend.

We stood next to his car at the moment, my apartment building just a few yards away. After he'd parked and we'd both climbed out, he'd pulled my arms up to wrap around his neck, his hands once again finding their way under the leather jacket to encircle my waist, hugging me close as he'd rested his cheek atop my head. And so we had remained for quite some time now.

Kairi and Sora were no longer with us, having parted ways back at the mall, but I could see Rayne and Riku off to one side near their own vehicle, enthusiastically taking part in some cuddle time themselves while they waited for me. Which actually I really appreciated. Without their added presence here, I'd probably be getting a lot more awkward a lot more quickly about The Hug That Would Not End.

That said…

"We've been at this for at least five minutes now. Wouldn't you call that a bit, er.." I shifted my feet, resisting the urge to squirm, "...excessive?"

His hold on me didn't budge. "Gotta be convincing. 'Sides, we're obviously still in the honeymoon period of our relationship. You know, when the couple takes forever and a day telling each other goodbye a thousand times before actually leaving. Otherwise known as the No-You-Hang-Up-First phase."

My brow furrowed. "I thought that was only made-up for TV. Real people don't actually do that, do they?"

"Yup," I felt another nod. "Trust me, I'm an expert. I know these things."

I squinted off into space. "...haven't you only ever done one night stands?"

"Shush, I said trust me on this," he murmured.

And shush I did. I suppose I could look at this as a sort of… endurance training? Get me more used to his hugs so I'd be less awkward about them in public? Make them seem more natural? Yeah, okay. This might be good for me. Let's see how long I could keep this up.

...answer? Not long.

Tentatively trying to pull away, I began, "Alright, maybe we should-"

"One more minute," he insisted, squeezing me tighter and shifting his head down now to instead nuzzle against my neck. His nose was cold and his breath tickled against my skin, making my cheeks warm. Welp, so much for not squirming.

Huh. He really seemed to be taking this whole pretend boyfriend thing very seriously. This was some extreme dedication to the role.

And there my insides went all over again, doing the whole warm, fuzzy, squishy thing. Alright, just breathe. Deep, calming breaths. Remember: Conceal, don't feel.

...maybe just focus on the concealing part. The not feeling part was already a lost cause.

"Ya know," Rayne's voice suddenly piped up nearby, causing me to jump, "maybe you two don't have to say goodnight just yet." Lea straightened up, loosening his grip on me just enough for us both to turn our heads to see she'd joined us. Gracing us with a sly smirk, she said, "I mean, if you want to really drive this date home for any eyes that might be prying, Lea could always, ya know..." her eyebrows bounced as she leaned in closer to whisper conspiratorially, "stay the night."

"What?!" My face erupted into blistering heat, the likes of which would've put the Sahara Desert to utter shame. "N...No! Absolutely not! How could you possibly even-"

She laughed, her finger booping my nose. "Relax, you silly goose. Of course he'd only sleep on the living room sofa! S'not like your grunkle's minion would have x-ray vision into our home."

Oh.

That's what she'd meant.

Well of course that's what she'd meant. It's not like she'd ever really suggest…

Actually, no, this was Rayne we were talking about here. I honestly wouldn't have put it past her.

She elbowed Lea in the arm, "So whaddya say, stud?"

He smiled, removing one hand from my waist to rub at the nape of his neck. "Well, I'd planned on getting some reading done for my classes tonight. But I do have my book bag in the backseat, so I suppose I could just as easily read here on your couch." His gaze shifted back down to mine, "That is of course, as long as you're okay with it!"

My face still recovering from its abrupt and devastating heatwave, I looked down and muttered, "Well, I… I suppose, ah… sure. Okay. I mean, just to keep up appearances… " My eyes flicked back up towards Rayne, "Thanks. I guess that's… actually a pretty good idea."

"Of course it is! I came up with it!" she beamed, planting her fists on her hips and puffing up her chest. Then she turned back to her husband, pressing her lips to his cheek as she linked her arm in his and led him over to the building entrance. Lea at last fully released me, but only long enough to unlock his car and pull out a messenger bag that looked heavy with textbooks. Kicking the door shut, he slung the strap of the bag over his head to hang across his chest before slipping an arm around my shoulders, grinning down at me as we followed the other two inside.

Once in our apartment, he removed the arm while Rayne pulled some spare pillows and bed sheets from the closet, tossing them onto the longest couch for Lea. Then grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, she unscrewed the cap and held her drink up high. "A toast! To Lea's sleepover! May it be the first of many!" she declared before tossing her head back to chug half the bottle.

Riku just snerked, shaking his head while Lea scratched his cheek with a weak chuckle and walked over to drop his bag on the sofa next to the blankets. I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing my fingers between my eyebrows with a soft sigh. Still, she had a point. I suppose it was only natural for my "boyfriend" to stay the night with some amount of frequency. Oh gosh, I hope this wouldn't be too much of an imposition on Lea.

As Rayne recapped the water bottle and put it down on the kitchen table, Riku stepped up to her, taking both her hands in his and pressing their foreheads together. "Hon, why don't we head to bed early tonight?" he asked, tone low and eyes hooded.

"Mmm," she breathed him in, smiling up at him through lowered lashes and nodding, "sounds good." As he pulled her towards their bedroom, Rayne glanced back at us. "Good night, you two! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she winked and waved before disappearing through the door, closing it behind her.

Silence followed. It felt strangely sudden and almost deafening.

I slowly turned to look at Lea.

He looked back, giving me a tiny smile.

That's when it struck me.

This was the first time in two full days I'd been alone with Lea. Like, really alone. Not in public, not where we had to put on the boyfriend-girlfriend act. Even when it'd just been the two of us in his car earlier tonight, even then we'd still had kind of been in the relative safety of pretend date mode. Besides, driving around in a car was completely different from being alone with him here, now, in my apartment late at night. Now that there was no more reason for all the hand holding, forehead kisses, and other little touches, things felt… well I wouldn't exactly say wrong per se, but more felt just kind of… off?

Panic was beginning to set in.

My mind was drawing a total blank.

I… didn't know how to be around him now. Not when we didn't have to fake a relationship anymore.

I'd forgotten how to act normal.

I think he could sense it too. The weirdness that had suddenly popped up out of nowhere. His eyebrows knit together, his gaze shifting about for a couple seconds. Then he opened his mouth to say something.

"Good night!" I loudly blurted out first.

Then I was in my bedroom so fast, you would have thought I'd spontaneously developed the power to teleport.

I slammed the door shut behind me, pressing my spine flat to it, eyes wide and taking shallow breaths through my nose. A few seconds passed where I just forced myself to inhale and exhale slowly a few times, trying to calm down. Then I winced, lightly banging the back of my head against the door.

Good job, Elsa. Way to make things mildly awkward. And for no real reason at all, you useless, hermitic dope!

With a small scowl, I shrugged out of the leather jacket and tossed it onto my bed. Then I unzipped my ankle boots, kicking them off and started pacing the length of my room back and forth, my hands twisting at my braid.

I couldn't just leave things like that. I had to talk to him. I had to toughen up and find an excuse to march my butt back out there. But what excuse?

My feet paused mid step as I glanced around my room for a minute before landing on one of my walls. Not just any wall. The one I shared with Riku's and Rayne's bedroom. Then I lightly tapped one fist into my palm. That's it! I quickly moved to my nightstand, opening the top drawer. Amongst its contents was a plastic baggie of earplugs. Digging out a pair and dropping the bag back into the drawer before closing it again, I then stepped over to my door. I took a second to take a deep breath and gather myself, standing up straighter and flicking my braid back behind me. Then with a firm, determined nod, I turned the knob and pulled, walking back out into the living room.

Lea was sitting on the couch that would be doubling for his bed tonight, arms splayed out wide to either side atop its backrest while he read the textbook that laid open in his lap. He'd pulled his hair out of its ponytail so his crimson locks were once again wild and free and he'd taken off his long-sleeved undershirt, now just wearing the tee.

Looking up at me, he all but leapt up to his feet. "El! Hi! I-" he grunted as the book he'd apparently forgotten was in his lap crashed down hard onto his foot.

I sucked in a tiny breath through my teeth with a frown, taking a step forward and reaching a hand out, "You okay?"

"Fine," he groaned. "I didn't need that toe anyway. It was only holding me back. Just dead weight." He laughed it off as he picked the textbook up off the floor, tossing it behind him onto the cushions before crossing his arms, "So, was there, ah… did you forget something?"

"Yes," I took a little step towards him, then frowned, glancing away. "Well, no…" I started to take a step back before catching myself. Wrong way, dork. "That is to say, sort of… er, I just...hm…" I thrust one fist forward, opening it palm facing up to reveal the earplugs, "Here!"

He stared down at them blankly. Then at me.

"Oh!" I gasped. "Right! Some sort of explanation would probably help." I gave a nervous heh. "So… uh… you know, those two," I gestured with my chin towards my roommates' bedroom door, "well, they just… the look they were giving each other before they went to bed, it's… well, it's a look I'm very familiar with from them. You know the look, the kind that should come with its own Marvin Gaye soundtrack. And those two… when they get going, they can really rattle the old headboard, if you know what I mean." A beat. Then I blanched. "Of course you know what I mean! Right, moving on. So uh… they are not quiet about it and they're definitely not quick. And these walls? They're thin. I'm talking like tissue paper thin. And not even the good Kleenex Deluxe kind of tissue, more like the cruddy, two-bit kind you'd get at the dollar store that just disintegrates if you even so much as breathe on it." Great, now I was just plain babbling. "These walls may as well not even be there for all the sound they block. Or rather, don't block. Then again, if they weren't there, then we'd not only hear but also see-" Wrap it up, girl, wrap it up. "A-Anyway! So just… just take these. You'll thank me later, believe me."

His eyes crinkled and he nodded, plucking them from my hand. "Alright, I'll take your word for it. Thanks."

Good. Okay. Yes, this was going well.

...huh. Though… slight hitch in the plan…

What now? I hadn't exactly thought this far ahead.

Maybe this was enough. I could now just make a graceful exit, leaving things in a better place than where I had previously. Yeah, that sounded good.

I gave him a tight-lipped grin, inching backwards as I pointed towards my room. "Okay then, I think I'll just…" But as I turned, my eyes landed on Rayne's and Riku's door again and I froze and grimaced. "Ah, shoot," I hissed under my breath.

"Problem?" I heard Lea ask behind me.

I shook my head, "I meant to ask Rayne to unzip my dress before she went to bed since the zipper is just where I can't reach and-" I blinked, then glanced over my shoulder at him sheepishly before fully turning to face him. "And why am I even telling you this? Forget I said anything. It's nothing, I'll figure it out."

"I can do it," he tossed the ear plugs onto the coffee table between us before stepping around it.

Waving my hands rapidly back and forth in front of me, I said, "No, it's fine. Really, you don't have to-"

"Don't be silly, just let me help you," he came to stop in front of me.

I tucked in my lower lip. Maybe I was just being silly about this. I mean, what was the big deal? Really? "...o-okay," I sighed, turning my back to him once more and sweeping my braid forward over one shoulder, running my hands down its length a few times. At least my old nemesis, The Blush, had the common courtesy to wait until I was no longer looking at Lea before creeping its way up into my cheeks.

I could sense him taking another step closer to me, could hear his gentle breathing as I felt his fingers undo the clasp at the top of the zipper. One of his fingertips incidentally grazed my skin and I couldn't stop a tiny shiver. Then there was a pause. Like… a long pause. I frowned straight ahead, uncertain. Nothing seemed to be happening. I turned my head slightly, stopping just short of actually being able to look back at him. "...everything okay?"

"Uh… yeah, the uh…" he cleared his throat, "...the stupid thing just got stuck for a sec there, but it's all good now." At last, the sound of the dress unzipping reached my ears. "There ya go, you're all set!"

My hand darted to clutch at the back of my dress, holding it together as I whipped around to face him. My blush? Only seemed to be growing in strength. I started backing away, "Th-thanks… for that. That was really… something. Nice! That was nice. Of you. To do that… for me. I-" I crashed into my door frame and stumbled. "Oops. Heh. Who put that there? Um… anyway…"

And on that eloquent and fully formed note, I dashed into my room, banging the door closed. Then I puffed out a breath, slumping down to sit on the floor as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

Great. Just dandy. I hadn't left things mildly awkward this time. Oh no, I'd only left them mega, ultra, super awkward now. Progress! Superb. Just perfect.

That's it. It's decided. I'm not fit for human contact. I was just going to barricade myself in this room and never come out ever again. Ever. Period. The outside world would be better off without me anyhow. Good bye, people. Hello, sweet sweet solitude. I-

I heard a muffled buzz and my head snapped up. It'd come from Lea's jacket on my bed. I squinted at it for a second. Then it clicked. My phone! I half crawled, half scrabbled over to it, digging into the pocket and pulling it out, swiping the screen.

There was a new text from Lea.

2nite was fun

I blinked, looking over at my door. Then back down at my phone, pursing my lips to one side. My thumbs hovered over the keyboard for a second. Then slowly I began to type.

I thought so too.

I waited as those three little dots hopped in a row.

We shud totes do it again sometime

A huff of amusement escaped through my nose, the tension starting to leave my body.

I'd really like that.

Then I tipped my head to one side, grinning slightly as I tapped away further.

I'm paying next time though.

The dots were dancing on my screen again.

Aight, if u insist. But b warned, Im not a cheap date

Now I actually laughed.

I can live with that.

Perhaps I'd been a bit too hasty. Maybe there was no need to barricade myself in here. Not just yet anyway. I'd hold off for a bit.

At least long enough to see what tomorrow would bring.

Author's Note: Anyone else notice Lea's shirts seem to be getting tighter and tighter every new excuse he has to see Elsa out of his work clothes? I think he's subconsciously putting on a courtship display to present himself as a sexually viable mate xD Ahem, moving on… Fun Fact 1: Fuente Del Oro is a real, Coco-themed restaurant over in Disneyland Park in Paris! Google translate says the name means "Gold Fountain", oooOOooo pretty! I really hope Coco makes it into one of the future KH games eventually! Fun Fact 2: Elsa's dress this chapter is inspired by her purple dress from when she sings Into The Unknown in Frozen 2! Just picture it shorter and more cocktail-dressy. And I know in the movie, that purple dress is a nightgown, but shhh, we'll just forget that part. And the dress Lea described in his "how we met" story? Loosely based on Elsa's Show Yourself dress - again just picture it shorter, more practical and more sundressy xD Also if you haven't heard of it, Before Sunrise is a real movie, not to mention a real SAPPY movie. Kind of slow, but cute. I'd actually never heard of it until I started writing this chapter - saw a gif go by on tumblr of the lead couple from the movie doing something adorable that made me go "oh gosh, that's SO Lea and Elsa!" and had to watch it xD I'm kind of happy it came along when it did though, cuz it gave me inspiration for Lea's "how we met" story :)

Next chapter, what new challenges will Elsa face in her adventures in fake dating? Will she ever be able to work up the courage to initiate a display of affection herself? Just how much of a "not a cheap date" is Lea really? What about his shirts? CAN they get any tighter? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (7/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 4,491

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing

masterlist

a/n: I’m so sorry this took so long, guys.  Let me know what you think!

“Peter!” You groaned as you tried to get the webs out of your hair.  The sticky substance was difficult, and for a moment you were worried that you were going to have to treat it like gum.

To be fair, the boy who caused it was looking mighty ashamed, his cheeks red and shoulders tense. “S-Sorry, Y/N,” he said, scratching the back of his neck.

The two of you had been playing around with his suit for about two hours, since he’d never really gotten to before Tony died.  He’d also turned off the training wheels protocol that was supposed to teach him about each function slowly, which is why he had no idea what would happen when he turned on ‘Rapid Fire.’

But then again, what the hell did he expect from a name like that?

“Agent L/N, you have a guest waiting for you in the communal area,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, startling the both of you.

“Were you expecting anyone?” The fifteen-year-old asked curiously.

Your brows furrowed as you continued to pick at the webs in your hair, heading for the door.  “No.”  The rest of the team wouldn’t be announced as a guest, and they’d just find you.  They wouldn’t wait in the communal area.  But then again, it’s not like you really knew anyone that wasn’t a part of the team.  “Peter, stay here.”

“Absolutely not,” he retorted, running after you.  “What if it’s a bad guy?  I can’t leave you alone!”  He must’ve caught the look in your eyes, because he added, “N-Not that you can’t take care of yourself!  I just… I wanna make sure you’re safe.”

Sighing, you motioned for him to follow you, knowing there was no way he would leave you alone now. In the two weeks since the Fourth of July barbecue from Hell, he’d been over almost every day.  He’d said that it was prep for his trip to Europe in August, but you knew better.  If it was any other teenager, you’d have found it annoying, but because it was Peter and he was so sweet and sincere, it was rather endearing.

It made you wonder if it’s how Natasha felt about you, even though she’d never gotten to see you at fifteen.  She’d gotten out of the clutches of HYDRA at that point, joining S.H.I.E.L.D. in the process.

But maybe that’s how Bucky had seen you.  After all, he’d first started training you at that age.

“Y/N, this is the Winter Soldier,” Madame B said as she stood behind you, her hands resting on your shoulders.  At just fifteen years old, you’d proven yourself to be the most promising of all the girls in the Red Room.  You were deadly with any weapon—a gun, a bow, your body—but you were exceptionally good with your knives.  Perfect, even.

Just that morning you’d sunk your knife into one of the older girl’s necks with just a flick of your wrist.

You would’ve felt bad, except she knew what she was getting into when she challenged you.  She’d been so close to graduating and had figured that choosing a girl three years younger would make her seem much better than she was.  But the fight was over the second it started. You’d simply pulled out your knife—the only weapon allowed in hand-to-hand—and threw it at her. Everyone in the room had watched as she fell to the ground, clutching at her throat while you stood there, looking pristine as ever.

The sound of her blood gurgling in her throat still rang in your ears.

The man in front of you was stunning.  It was really the only word you could think of that was appropriate.  His long chestnut hair fell in waves around his face like some kind of rogue from the fairytales the older girls whispered to the fresh arrivals when they cried into the night.  Even though his lips were chapped from the harsh Russian cold and his eyes had dark circles underneath, he was beautiful.  Ethereal. Like a God of the Dead, coming for his spoils.

“Soldat, this is Y/N,” Madame B said, shoving your forward.  “Your trainee.”

You stumbled but somehow managed to catch yourself, finding yourself almost chest-to-chest with the man.  Heart pounding, your eyes slowly traced up the black Kevlar covering his chest to lock with his.  As good as you were at hand-to-hand, you knew that this man could snap you in half without so much as blinking.  Girls had heard the stories of him from when he’d trained Natalia.

And now he was here for you.

“Hello, Soldat,” you said, voice wavering as you tried to find your courage.

“Come,” he rasped, his tone leaving no room for argument as he turned on his heel and led you through the door.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., you didn’t let a potential threat in, did you?”

If an A.I. could be indignant, she certainly was.  “Of course not, Agent L/N.”

A small smile tugged at your lips, though you knew it wasn’t really the time as you power-walked down the hallway.  “Sorry, Fri.”

“What are you doing here?”

You frowned as you heard Peter’s tone, rushing forward.  In your day dreaming, the boy had gotten ahead of you and had found your mysterious visitor first.  “Peter, that’s—”  You broke off as you saw her sitting there on the couch.

Peggy Carter-Rogers.

The elderly woman immediately stood, clearing her throat.  She daintily wiped her hands on her pants and it disgusted you.  “Hello, Y/N.”

“What are you doing here?” You asked, though you made a point to not be so aggressive as your favorite Spider-Boy.

It was a little adorable how he still insisted on standing in front of you, puffed up like a chihuahua. “Y-Yeah, what she said!”

“I just want to talk,” the Brit said, her lilting voice soothing you, even if you didn’t want it to.  There was something so relaxing about her presence and it drove you insane.  “Without my idiot of a husband mucking it all up.”

You couldn’t help but snort as you crossed your arms over your chest, but you didn’t immediately dismiss her.  “He does that a lot.”

Her lips—perfectly painted red, as usual—stretched as she tried not to grin.  “Especially when it comes to talking to women.”

Well, you had two choices. You could turn her away and go back to sitting in Tony’s lap with Peter and consistently wonder what she was going to say, or you could listen and maybe get some closure.  As fucked as it was, you really didn’t want to go with the latter.  It’d be so much easier to just go back to the lab and pretend like she’d never come.

But you knew that it wasn’t the right decision.

“Peter, you can go back to the lab.  I’ll be there soon,” you said, your eyes never leaving Peggy.

He seemed ready to protest but thought better, taking a deep breath in.  “Call if you need me,” he said, before disappearing back down the hall.

“Sorry about him,” you said as you stood in place, watching her cautiously.  “He’s—”

“Protective?”  She laughed, sounding like bells that rang a death march.  “It’s alright.  I assumed as much when he glared at Steve for the rest of the Fourth of July party after you left.”  Peggy motioned to the couch as she sat, and it struck you how odd it was that she was the one inviting you to sit in your own home.

Either way, you sat gingerly on the edge of the couch, your hands delicately placed in your lap.  You weren’t sure what to do with them, what to say. “He’s a good kid.”

She cleared her throat as the awkwardness hung in the air, the both of you trying to find where to start. “I am sorry,” she said suddenly, her brown eyes flashing over to you.  “And not just about Steve.  I was the one who told him it’d be okay to not call ahead.  I wasn’t thinking about how it might make you feel.  I just knew how badly he wanted to see everyone.”

“It’s alright, rea—”

“No,” she interrupted, reaching over to take your hands in hers.  You fought back the urge to yank them away, knowing that you were going to have to give a little.  “It was inconsiderate.”  Her eyes searched your face for a long moment.  “You remind me of myself, you know.”

Startled, you shook your head.  “What? No, I—”

“You’ve been fighting war after war for years,” she said, her voice shaking.  “You have the same look in your eyes that I’d see in every soldier back in the forties.  Steve has it. Bucky has it.”  She let out a weak laugh, looking down at your hands, young and supple against her own.  “Sometimes I forget how young we all were.  Hell, sometimes I forget how young you are when Steve tells his stories.”

Heart leaping in your chest, you tried to keep your cool even though you felt like you were going to vomit.  “He talks about me?”

“Of course, he does,” she said, sadness seeping from her pores.  It clearly distressed her that you thought he wouldn’t.  “You mean the world to him.”

“You have to forgive me for not really believing that,” you said as you took your hands from hers.

Peggy nodded, drawing her bottom lip in between her teeth.  “Like I said, Steve doesn’t understand women at all.  Or how to communicate with them.  But he really does care about you.”  She smoothed down her pants slowly.  “When he… When he first came back to me and he told me about you…  I admit, I was jealous.  You were this brilliant agent, good enough to join the Avengers at just eighteen.  You had him for over eight years.”

“But he still chose you,” you reminded her, tears pricking your eyes.  Desperately blinking them away, you hoped she didn’t notice.

And she couldn’t argue against that.  “I suppose the point I’m trying to get at is that even though it might not feel like it, he loves you.  He always has.”  She swallowed thickly, her hands moving more and more as she spoke.  “He’d tell me about all the different missions you went on and how you can hold your own against him and Bucky, even though you’re not a super soldier.  How you rebelled against the United Nations and became an international criminal.”

And it hit you that she felt just like you did.  Even if she’d had years to get over it, she knew exactly how you felt.

But in her case, you were the untouchable one.

“He carries this picture of you with him,” she said, taking you by surprise once again.  “He put it in the compass that has the picture of me in it, knocked out the glass bit.  Said it’s so he has both of us close to him at all times.  It’s…”  Peggy cleared her throat and it somehow still sounded ladylike.  “It’s this photo of you in his shirt.”  The air felt thick around the two of you as she chuckled.  “When I first saw it, I wanted to rip it up.  Burn it.  Eventually, though, I understood.  At least a little bit.”

“How?” You asked, knowing how weak you must’ve sounded.  “Because I’m trying to understand, and I just… can’t.  Anytime I try, I just feel abandoned.”

“To be quite frank, sometimes I still don’t.”  The older woman’s fingers were fiddling together, and your eyes focused in on the slightly chipped red nail polish.  The one thing on Margaret Carter Roger’s exterior that wasn’t perfect.  That reflected her anxiety as she picked at the polish.  That she wasn’t as perfect as you had thought her to be.  “He says your name in his sleep sometimes.  Cries and thrashes around.”  She blew out a huff of air, not meeting your gaze.  “Sometimes it’s nightmares of you dying.  Sometimes it’s just you telling him you don’t love him, and it’s enough to cause him to panic.”

You blinked slowly, trying to take it all in.  “I…  I didn’t realize.”

She sniffled, a sad smile on her lips.  “It’s better for him to explain exactly what he was thinking, but…  I didn’t think you’d listen unless I talked to you first.”  She shook her head, turning back towards you. “Not that you have to listen to him. Lord knows that he doesn’t deserve it. But I think it might help, if you knew why he did what he did.”

“Do you…”  You cleared your throat, trying to figure out how exactly to ask your next question.  “Do you want to stay for lunch?”  You knew that this was big, this was an olive branch you were extending to her.  “We’ve both heard so many stories about each other, I think it’s only fair that we get to know each other without all the sugar coating.  We both know Steve tends to… exaggerate his stories a little.”

Peggy seemed to light up at the suggestion, standing up and following you towards the kitchen.  “That would be wonderful.”

“Y/N?” Bucky called as he walked into the lab, frowning when he only saw Peter and Bruce poring over a hologram.  Neither of them looked up when he walked in and he cleared his throat.

Nothing.

He coughed, raising his eyebrows.

Nope.

The super soldier sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest.  “Y/N’s been kidnapped.”

Both of them immediately looked up, panic written all over their faces.  Peter looked ready to take down all of New York City as he pushed his stool back with a creek and Bruce was starting to look a little green around his neck.

“What the—”

“What happened to—”

“So all I have to do to get the two of you to pay attention is to say something’s happened to Y/N,” Bucky said, tapping his temple as though to demonstrate that he was making a note of it.  “Great.”

Bruce glared at him, huffing.  “So Y/N wasn’t actually kidnapped?”

“No.”

Peter looked utterly betrayed.  “Mr. Winter Soldier, you can’t do that.”

Bucky sighed, raising his hands in surrender.  “Fine. I’m sorry.  That was a low blow of me.  But have any of you seen Y/N?”  He looked around the lab, as though he might find her playing a game of hide-and-seek that he didn’t know he was a part of.  “She told me she was gonna be in the lab.”

“Oh, M-Mr. Rogers’s wife—uh—Mrs. Peggy is here,” the teenager said, shrugging at his confused expression.

The hundred-year-old man felt his age as he stormed out of the lab.  While he didn’t think Peggy would purposefully hurt you, he also knew that her impromptu visit might not be what’s best for you.  His hands were clenched into fists at his side as he entered the communal area. There were signs of lunch being made in the kitchen, but no Peggy and no you.

He stood there for a long moment, perking up as he heard giggles from down the hallway.  He tiptoed towards the sound, surprised to find it coming from your old room, the one you had shared with Steve.

You and Peggy were sitting on the bed, giggling as you flipped through all the photos you had of the former Captain America.  You were sitting cross-legged and had on one of Bucky’s hoodies that he’d been trying to find for days.

And you were talking about Steve and not crying.

He hid behind the door so that neither of you could see him, listening in with a faint smile on his lips.

“—from the night he asked me on a date,” you said as you held out a picture of the two of you.  “We got lost while on a mission when our comms went out, and pictures ended up in the New York Times because someone recognized him.”

“Steve, I just really think we’re lost,” you said, wincing as you tried to keep up with the super soldier.  You’d twisted your ankle four blocks before and it sent a pang through your entire calf with every step you took.

It didn’t help that your captain hadn’t even thought to slow down for you, too convinced that he knew the way to stop and reevaluate.

He just grumbled, shaking his head.  Turning a corner, he stopped as he realized that going that direction would lead the two of you to a main road, and you were trying to stay out of sight.  He quickly turned on his heel to keep down the path you were originally on.  “No, we’re—”

You yelped as your foot caught on a loose brick of the cobblestone street, sending you straight to the ground.  “Fuck!  Shit! God FUCKING damn it!” You cursed, holding your ankle as tears sprung to your eyes.  It would be your luck to twist the same ankle twice in twenty minutes and you were pretty sure there was no way it wasn’t strained.

The blond was immediately on you, all furrowed brows and panicky hands.  “What the hell happened?”

“If you weren’t so busy insisting you were right, you would’ve noticed that I twisted my ankle ten minutes ago, and now it’s fucked up again, asshole,” you snapped.  You knew that it wasn’t fair of you but you were tired, you were hurt, and all you wanted was a bottle of vodka.  The kind that the Asset snuck for you, once upon a time.

God, that was the good shit.  Smooth.  Expensive. An already half-drank bottle stolen from Madame B’s office.

Steve’s teeth grinded together as he tentatively tried to move your ankle, causing you to hiss and jerk back away from him.  “I’m sorry!”

“I told you it fucking hurts!” You retorted, cheeks red.

“I was trying to make sure it wasn’t broken!”

“I could’ve told you if it was!”

“You don’t know—”

“Don’t you dare tell me what I do and don’t know.  I think I know my own body.”

He stood up, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.  “You’re being difficult.”

“Yeah,” you said with an eye roll, grimacing as you scooted over to rest against the wall of the alley.  You could see a few people passing by the entrance he’d been trying to avoid, despite the late hour.  “Because I’m the one who was so sure of themselves that they weren’t paying attention to their partner.”

Steve scoffed as his hands went to his hips, reminding you just how much attitude America’s Golden Boy had.  “Maybe because I know what—”

“No!  You don’t!” You said, eyes squeezing shut as you started to stand up, clinging to the wall and jumping around a bit on your good ankle.  “Stop being such an ass!”

“And to think I thought about asking you on a god damn date,” he muttered under his breath as he pulled the comm out of his ear. Squinting in the darkness, he started fiddling with it, twisting the different parts this way and that.  You knew he’d probably end up breaking it, but you weren’t going to be the one to tell him and piss him off even more.

“I am not doing this right now,” you said, closing your eyes as you prayed to whatever greater being happened to be listening that the others would find you two soon.

Steve threw his comm to the ground, and you were about to yell at him for it, but he went into another rant.  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Taking a step towards him, you ignored the way your ankle shouted in protest.  “It’s not like you were actually going to ask me on a date.”  You needed to make your point and that included trying to take an intimidating step towards him while poking a finger into his chest that happened to be as wide as a fucking football field.

“Yes, I—”

“No, you wouldn’t,” you laughed, your heart twisting with pain.  “For the past year, you’ve done nothing but flirt with me and get close to me, only to push me away.  And you know, at first, I thought it was because I’m only nineteen.  And I would’ve understood that.  But then I heard you telling Tony that age doesn’t matter that much to you, so it can’t be that.”  You ran your fingers through your hair, wishing that you’d brought a ponytail for the umpteenth time.  “I’m not playing this stupid game of, of tug-of-war with you!”  You took another step and immediately started to crumble.

But Steve caught you before you could hit the ground, strong arms wrapping around your waist.  “I’ve got ya, doll,” he said, his breath hot against your face as he helped you straight up, holding you flush against his chest.  “Let’s get you out of here.”

You nodded, already accepting the fact that he was going to ignore your little outburst, your moment of vulnerability. He turned and bent down, coaxing you up so you were riding piggyback.  He smelled like the alleyway, like sewage and trash, but you could pick out the faint scent of his aftershave underneath all of that as you wrapped your arms around him. As you closed your eyes, you were faintly aware of him heading towards the main road on the other end of the alley, but chose not to bring it up as you closed your eyes.

No use even chancing a fight.

The gentle sway of his strides was lulling you to sleep, and you didn’t even register the fact that several people had recognized the infamous Captain America and were starting to take photos.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

There was a long pause, the lights of the main street slowly fading as he carried you further and further away.  Turns out, it was much easier to find out where you were if you had street signs.  “Would you go on a date with me?”

“As long as you stop being an asshole,” you murmured, falling asleep to the deep rumble of his laughter.

“He didn’t even ask me on a date,” Peggy said with a groan, shaking her head fondly at the memory as she looked at the newspaper clipping.  Someone had managed to get a shot of you two while he was carrying you, your face half hidden in the crook of his neck.  “Even when he came back, I had to be the one to ask him out.”

You erupted into giggles, falling back on the bed, and Bucky couldn’t help but smile.  Hearing you laugh and joke about your ex was a major step up.  Especially considering the disaster that was the Fourth of July party.

The older woman hummed as she flipped through more of the photos, smiling as she held up one of you and Bucky that Steve had taken.  It warmed your heart, reminding you of a time that seemed so much simpler even though it most definitely wasn’t.

“I just don’t understand it,” Steve said for what must’ve been the eighteenth time.  He finally put his cards down, choosing instead to sit back and watch.  “I’ll just watch you young whippersnappers play.”

“I’m older than you, dumb ass,” Bucky said with a smirk as he set down one of his white cards onto the pile.

Sam picked up all the white cards, shuffling them as he grumbled.  It had become a new rule that each person had to shuffle the cards before reading them, since Sam wouldn’t ever pick a card that the Winter Soldier laid down.  They were still in that weird ‘we’re friends but only because Steve is our friend’ stage.

Though, being on the run with only each other to talk to was quickly cementing their friendship.

“Alright, who the hell put down ‘the Rapture?’”

“That would be me,” Natasha said with a triumphant grin, reaching over and grabbing the card.  She then snatched a black card, reading, “I got ninety-nine problems but blank ain’t one.”  Standing, she shoved her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie.  “You guys want anything to eat?” She asked as she headed for the hotel room’s tiny kitchenette.

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” Sam said as he also stood.

Steve couldn’t help but smile as he watched you and Bucky stare into each other’s eyes, mischievous smirks on your faces. It was nice, seeing how well the two of you got along.  He held up his camera—the one you’d gotten him for his birthday the year before—and snapped a picture, neither of you hearing the soft click.

“Hmmm…,” Bucky hummed as he picked through his cards. “Should I go with ‘Seventy-Two Virgins’ or ‘Erectile Dysfunction?’”

“Oh, ‘Erectile Dysfunction,’” you said as you leaned back against the couch.  You were bundled up in a giant sweatshirt—whether it was Steve or Bucky’s, none of them knew at that point—and fuzzy socks.  You looked so cozy, so warm.  Like you weren’t stuck in a cheap hotel in Norway, thousands of miles from home.

And once again, he was reminded just how lucky he was to have you.

“Steve mentioned that you two have a history,” Peggy said slowly, carefully gauging your reaction.  “From before you even met Steve.”

Bucky bit his lip, as he tried to not make any noise.

“Yeah.  He, uh…”  You trailed off, blushing a rosy pink as you looked at the photo.  You’d gotten it developed after the Snap, wanting as keep every memory of your friends that you could.  “He helped train me in the Red Room.”

The Brit smirked as she nudged you, raising her eyebrows.  “You’re blushing.”

“I…”  You picked at a loose thread in your comforter.  “I had a crush on him back then.  It was dumb.  I was seventeen, it wasn’t appropriate.”

Bucky’s heart caught in his throat as all his feelings welled up.  You were right, it wasn’t appropriate.  You’d been seventeen, about to turn eighteen, when he’d realized he had feelings for you.

And he’d immediately told his handler.  In a subtle way of course, not wanting it to be obvious.  He’d quietly asked him when the next time he would see you was, making sure to emphasize the ‘see you.’  Normally, he didn’t ask anything, but if he did, it was always ��When am I training again?’

His handler had picked it up immediately, and he’d been wiped.  He’d protected you from himself, not wanting to be the creepy old man preying on a young girl.

Bucky took in a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut before walking down the hall.  He didn’t need to listen to the rest of your conversation.  His heart couldn’t take it at the moment no matter which way it went.

[strxberry-milk]

WIRES

1|2

genre: fluff, angst, mafia au, neighbour au

pairing: reader x gang member!changbin

warnings: mentions of blood, gunshot wounds

word count: 2.0k

my neighbourhood was pretty quiet usually. the most exciting thing to happen where i lived was the small bakery opening up across from my apartment complex but apart from that nothing ever happened. the peace and quiet was great for me though, working in a restaurant part-time and studying for the rest it really helped that there were no distractions. well, there was one, and that is my neighbour changbin.

i didn’t know much about him apart from that he liked to make music and that information was obtained through an awkward interaction between us when we walked the stairs at the same time. he lived across the hall and i saw him every now and then but sometimes i wouldn’t see him for months. it was strange but my mind was too busy with other things like paying my bills on time and finishing an assignment.

work and school were my two main priorities, i went out to parties occasionally but it wasn’t frequent. my friends knew this and thought i was a bore but i refused to spend the rest of my life working in a job i despised of.

—

it was a usual saturday night and i was just coming home from work, it was just before one in the morning which was the normal time i would finish at on a saturday. i was beyond exhausted, my muscles ached from being on my feet all day and walking back and forth. all i wanted was to get into my pajamas and sleep for a month.

the walk home from the restaurant was meant to be quick but this time it was different. walking home at that time in the morning was dangerous and i knew but i was careful, not drawing attention to myself and i stayed on the main street where the street lights were positioned. i don’t know why i went into the alley but i did.

grunts and noises of someone hitting the ground could be heard from the bottom of the dark alley. i should’ve stayed where i was, ignored it and kept walking but of course curiosity got the best of me. “your times up, we gave you an extension and you still didn’t deliver,” the taller man standing up mused as he walked around the injured man lying in a ball on the ground. “i’m sorry, please just give me one more week,” he sobbed out pleading.

i hid behind the large bin placed on the wall and stuck my head out just enough to see the events playing out. “i’m sorry, i liked you i really did but you know the rules,” the gruff voice muttered and before i knew it a gunshot rang through the alley. my hands immediately went to my mouth, stopping the scream from escaping. fresh hot tears made their way down my face, the taller man sighed and rushed out of the alley not noticing my shaking body curled up next to the bin.

it took me twenty minutes to work up the confidence to go near the bloody scene. i didn’t know what to do my mind and body was frozen, taking a few steps closer, it finally hit me. he was dead. i had just witnessed a murder. falling to my knees a loud sob escaped my lips, i could’ve stopped it and the man would’ve been alive but i just his. my jeans were stained by the blood flowing out of the wound.

“y/n?” a familiar voice called out from behind me, turning round i was met with changbin’s concerned facial expression. “i... i saw it,” i stuttered, looking down to my hands. “i’m sorry, i could’ve stopped it,” i cried out shaking my head repeating my sentence over and over. “shh it’s okay,” changbin brought me into a strong hug, a hand played with my hair soothing my sobs. “let’s get you home,” he nodded and lifted me up to my feet, “wait... wait i need to phone the police,” i gasped looking round at the murder scene. “it’s fine i’ve taken care of it,” he started to guide me out back into the street.

the walk home was in nearly complete silence, the only noise coming from us was my quiet sniffs. changbin’s strong arm was wrapped around my shoulder tightly. it made me feel safe and as if even though i was terrified he was there to protect me from danger. my adrenaline was gone and i was exhausted mentally and physically, it must have shown as changbin’s arm went from my shoulders to my waist steading my swaying.

the dizziness hit when walking up the two flights of stairs, i’d already stopped twice. “woah careful,” he held my tighter stopping me from falling backward, “sorry,” i spoke out weakly running my left bloodied hand through my hair. “come on we’re nearly there,” he whispered softly.

—

instead of going back to my apartment changbin brought me to his. his decor was simple, white with accents of black that were spotted around his house. it was simple and clean and the way i imagined his apartment to look.

i numbly sat down while changbin went to go grab me some spare clothes to change into. i played with the hem of my bloody shirt, the guilt slowly creeping up. “here you go, the bathrooms down the hall to your right, just call me if you need anything,” he smiled kindly handing the perfectly folded clothes over. “thank you,” giving him an appreciative smile, and wobbled down the hall.

stripping out of my dirty clothes and into the fresh t-shirt and large shorts that were clearly changbin’s. i felt slightly better after changing but i didn’t look it. bits of dried blood littered strands of my hair and the dark circles around my eyes looked like they had been intensified by ten thousand percent. i had to get the blood of my hands before it drove me insane, the guilt was eating me up and the blood was not helping.

the hot water ran from the tap slowly filling up the pristine white sink. it must have been a while since i entered the bathroom as changbin chapped lightly asking if i was okay, i opened the door tears escaping my eyes again. “the blood.... i,” i couldn’t form a sentence but changbin knew what was going on and came in, he gave me a little nod.

gently he took my hands and dipped them into the warm water, the clear water was turning a light shade of pink from the dried blood. he was extremely cautious when wiping the blood away, checking that i was okay every so often. “it’s my fault, i could’ve stopped the man,” i shook from anger, my eyebrows furrowing in annoyance at myself. “y/n if you tried to stop that man you would be in that alley dead as well,” he stopped his actions looking me straight in my eyes. “that man is dangerous and doesn’t care who he hurts,” he continued getting the last few specks of blood of my fingers.

“how do you know?” i questioned confused on how he knows that about the man. “y/n, my friends and i are apart of a gang called SKZ and that man works for the yakuza and is very high up,” he sighed. i could tell this was something he wanted to keep secret from me - i didn’t know how to feel, he was also a dangerous gang member but somehow i felt safe with him, that he would protect me from anything. “y/n trust me when i say that i will do everything in my power to keep you out this life,” his hands took mine and interlocked his fingers, his eyes piercing mine.

once the blood was finally off my hands and out my hair i felt less guilty about the entire thing. it would obviously take me a while to get over seeing a man being shot dead but changbin was going to be there for me. surprisingly i felt very comfortable with changbin, over the two years of living here we’d exchanged a few hellos and a bit of small talk but nothing more - but just in a course of a night we had become close, closer than some of my friends and me were.

—

the clock had just hit three am and i was now ready to sleep but i didn’t know if sleep would be easy to get. being alone suddenly made me anxious, in the bathroom it felt as if the man from the alley was about to come in and shot me too. it was hard, every time i closed my eyes all i could see was the dead man lying on the cold concrete staring at me with his lifeless eyes.

“you can take the bed,” changbin smiled, pointing to the back room at the end of the hall. “and before you say no, please just take the bed,” he said this just as my mouth opened to protest but i gave him a thankful nod and made my way down the hall with changbin closely following behind. his room was plain and simple, his walls were white the same as his desk and the only pop of colour was his bedsheets which were light grey. “i’ll be down the hall if you need anything, goodnight y/n,” and with that he left me alone in his room. 

sighing i got into changbin’s bed and wrapped myself up with his duvet. sleep came quickly which was surprising but the adrenaline had worn off and my body was exhausted. 

i sprinted towards the alley that i had first found the body in, the shouting of a familiar voice could be heard along with the noise of my feet battering off the hard concrete. “changbin!” i screamed seeing the figure of the yakuza gang member who killed the other man, “y/n! look out!” changbin was on the ground curled up in pain but before i could get to him the gang member pulled the trigger. 

closing my eyes i didn’t realise what had just happened. changbin was fine apart from the minor injuries he acquired but i wasn’t. blood slowly stained the top i was wearing, “i’m sorry,” i muttered in pain. tears slipped past my eyes as i fell to the ground whispering the sentence over and over. 

“y/n!” i shot up, my breathing uneven and tears running down my face. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” i cried not noticing changbin’s concerned expression. “hey, it’s alright,” changbin pulled me close, stroking my head whispering calming words while i sob hard into his chest.  we sat like that for nearly ten minutes, the events of the night still playing back in my head like a scene from a movie. “do you want to talk about it?” he whispered rubbing my arm, in all honesty i didn’t. i just wanted to forget what had happened and move past it. get back to my normal life of trying to pay the bills and cramming in hours of studying but i knew i couldn’t. not after this.

changbin didn’t press the nightmare any further, he lay in the bed next to me as my grip basically told him i didn’t want him to leave. my face was buried into his chest while he secured an arm round my waist tightly. “i could’ve stopped it,” mumbled into his chest but the only response i got was a sigh. “if i didn’t hide that man would be alive,” tears threatened to spill out my eyes again. “y/n you need to stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’ okay? you’re alive and you probably wouldn’t be if you tried to stop it,” i lifted my head up to meet his eyes. they were full of sympathy. i just nodded and lay my head back down.

sleep was at last peaceful with the safety of changbin next to me. it wasn’t interupted by an unwanted dream thankfully.

[24stiles920]

Riddled

Teen Wolf Rewrite

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Warnings: Ages 16+, swearing,

Words: 5174

A/N: Heyyyy! Sorry for taking so long on updating this. Life had gotten away from me and I’ve also been working on various projects, not to mention school. Anyways, I hope you like it! 😊

Link to the masterlist on profile!

Soft music played in the background as I pressed on the breaks, stopping for the red light in the middle of town. It was the middle of the night, but I didn’t feel tired, the sugar from the milkshake I had just drank fueling me.

“Can we turn up the music, please?” Aiden whined from the backseat.

I pursed my lips and looked at Lydia, giving her a pointed look. Lydia ignored me and looked back at Aiden briefly before reaching forward and turning the volume dial. I sighed as a heavy rock song became louder—Aiden chose the music.

“Are we even allowed to go to the school this late?” Aiden spoke up again, making me roll my eyes. “What if security catches us?”

“There is no security.” I snapped at him. “The number of homicides in this school has seen to it hat no sane person will ever take a night job here again.”

Aiden sighed and leaned back in his seat, looking disgruntled. “I don’t know why we’re even going.” He grumbled.

“I don’t know why Lydia invited you.” I retorted, tapping my fingers in a rhythm on the steering wheel.

It was Lydia’s turn to sigh now. “I told you, Y/N. I couldn’t just not invite him when he heard the whole phone call.”

Lydia and I had a plan to decorate Scott’s locker for his birthday. He was turning seventeen and we wanted to do something nice for him in the midst of all this craziness. I had called her earlier and she and Aiden were hanging out, causing him to hear our whole conversation. Unfortunately, he tagged along.

The stoplight turned green and I pressed on the gas, sending the car forward. I drove through the streets of Beacon Hills, coming closer to the school by each second. Luckily, Aiden’s phone skipped to a new song, and it was one I recognized.

To my confusion, the music started to sound like static. I furrowed my eyebrows—maybe it was just part of the song—but when a strange whisper came through the speakers, I stomped on the breaks, gasping.

“What the fuck, Y/N?” Aiden shouted as his body slammed back into his seat.

I ignored him and turned to Lydia, who was staring at the radio with wide eyes. “Did you hear that?” I asked her. “Please tell me you heard that.”

“I did.” Lydia confirmed.

“Hear what?” Aiden asked, looking in between us.

“You don’t hear that?” I said seriously, looking back at him.

“I hear music.” Aiden gave me a weird look. “What do you hear?”

“Help me—come find me—please—Y/N.” The voices whispered, each phrase coming in between short pauses.

“Voices.” Lydia breathed.

“Please, come find me.”

The last voice was familiar and very clear. I had been hearing his voice since I was a toddler—it was the most important voice in my world.

“Stiles.”

-

Noticing that Stiles’ jeep wasn’t in the driveway, I swung open my door and threw myself of out the car, rushing up to the house with Lydia and Aiden following me. I unlocked the front door and went in, running up the stairs, right to Stiles’ room.

I opened the door and gasped in shock. His room was a mess with red string covering every surface of it. There were a pair of scissors stabbed into his mattress with red strings tied around them, leading to different points in the room.

“What the hell?” Lydia whispered, looking around in confusion.

“I don’t know.” I breathed—all I knew was that I had heard Stiles’ voice, his jeep was gone, and his room was a mess.

All of a sudden, the door opened and Scott and Isaac rushed into the room. Scott locked eyes with me and I saw that he had an urgent look on his face.

“How did you know?” He asked me. “Did he call you too?”

I shook my head. “I heard him.”

“So did I.” Lydia added.

“Don’t ask.” Aiden advised Isaac and Scott as their faces twisted in confusion. “It gets more confusing when you ask.”

“Okay.” Isaac whispered, looking around the room.  

“Not as confusing as this.” I said, gesturing to the mess of red string. I looked back at Scott. “He uses red for unsolved cases.”

“Maybe he thinks he’s part of an unsolved case.” Aiden commented, shaking his head once.

“Or is an unsolved case.” Isaac said solemnly.

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at Scott, whose eyes had gone wide with shock as he looked around the room.

“Hold on, is he still out there?” I asked him, raising my voice slightly. “You don’t know where he is?”

“He said he was in an industrial basement somewhere.” Scott told me, his voice breaking.

“We came her to get a better scent.” Isaac added.

“What else did he say?” Lydia wondered.

“Something’s wrong with his leg.” Scott informed us. “It’s bleeding.”

“And he’s freezing.” Isaac supplied. “Have you seen anything, Y/N?”

“No.” I sighed, tears coming to my eyes as I sat down at the end of Stiles’ bed. “I haven’t seen anything.”

“Well, I hate to point this out,” Aiden started. “But tonight’s the coldest night of the year. It’s going to drop into the twenties.”

I placed a hand to my forehead, trying to soothe the oncoming headache. “What did Noah say?” I sniffed, looking at Scott.

“We kind of…didn’t tell him yet.” Scott answered sheepishly.

I stood up, my back straight as I glared at him. “Stiles is bleeding and freezing and you didn’t call Noah?” I practically shrieked. Lydia grabbed my hand, squeezing it in comfort.

“He made me promise not to.” Scott whispered. “We can find him by scent. I-If he was sleepwalking he couldn’t have gotten far, right?”

“You didn’t notice his jeep was gone, did you?” I said, inhaling sharply. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it. “You promised you wouldn’t call Noah. I didn’t.”

I went to press on Noah’s contact, but Scott grabbed my hand.

“Wait, Y/N, hold on.” Scott pleaded. “I can get more help. I can call Derek and Allison.”

“Everyone except for the cops.” Lydia interjected. “Great idea.”

“You guys remember that they get these feelings when someone’s about to die, right?” Aiden pointed out to Scott and Isaac. I nodded in agreement, pointing at Aiden for emphasis.

Scott hesitated for a moment before gulping noisily. He looked at me with serious eyes and said, “You don’t have to call his dad. It’s five minutes to the station.”

I nodded and Scott and Isaac went to leave the room. Lydia and Aiden went to follow them, but I held them back. They looked at me in confusion, but I looked at Scott with determination welling within me.

“We’ll catch up.” I told him.

“What? Why?” Scott looked confused.

“There’s something here.” I breathed, looking around the room.

“Yeah.” Isaac agreed. “Evidence of total insanity.”

Scott and I locked gazes. I tried to tell him without speaking that I needed to stay here, to figure out where Stiles was, and I think he got the message. His eyes softened and he looked at Isaac.

“We can figure out what’s wrong with him after we find a way to keep him from freezing to death.”

“Go.” I urged them with a nod. “We’ll be right behind you.”

-

Aiden, Lydia, and I looked around Stiles’ room, searching for anything that might give us a hint about where Stiles could have gone. Currently, I was looking over his desk, sweeping his homework to the side.

Finding nothing, I left the desk and walked back to the tangle of red string, looking at it with narrowed eyes, trying to find something that I hadn’t seen before.

“Didn’t you draw this?” Aiden’s voice interrupted the silence.

I looked up to see him holding up a sketch of the nemeton that I drew to Lydia. He clearly had not seen my little initials I had put in the bottom corner of the paper. Lydia looked at it closely before shaking her head.

“It’s Y/N’s.” She told him. “Put it back.”

“So…” Aiden drawled, putting the picture back on the dresser. “He likes you a lot, huh, Y/N?”

“I should hope so.” I smiled weakly. “He is my soulmate.”

Lydia gave me a smile as Aiden nodded, going back to his searching. At that moment, my phone buzzed, and as I picked it up, I saw that it was a text from Scott.

“’Nothing at hospital.’” I read aloud for Aiden and Lydia’s benefit. “’Derek headed to high school. Isaac going to find Allison.’” I looked at Aiden and Lydia. “And Scott’s with Noah.”

“And we’re standing in a bedroom staring at the walls.” Aiden quipped, smiling sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes at him and pushed my phone back into my pocket. I looked back at the red strings again when all of a sudden, I heard a group of people whispering. Cocking my head in confusion, I looked at Aiden and Lydia.

“What did you just do?” I asked them, causing Aiden to look at me in confusion. Lydia had her eyebrows furrowed, staring at a red string.

“Aiden, did you touch one of the strings?” She asked.

“Maybe.”

I looked back at the strings and held out my hand, taking a hold of the closest string and plucking it. At first it made a vibrating sound before the whispers came—the same whispers that I had heard before.

“What did that sound like to you?” I asked Aiden, looking back at him briefly. I didn’t bother asking Lydia—I knew that she had heard the voices too.

“Like a string being pulled.” Aiden said, his voice flat.

“You didn’t hear people whispering?” Lydia looked at him for an answer.

“I definitely did not hear people whispering.” He told her.

Inhaling sharply, I bent down, lowering my head to the red strings. I slowly plucked one of them and listened, closing my eyes as I heard the whispers get louder. I briefly heard something like “house” but I couldn’t be sure.

“You didn’t hear that?” I breathed.

“Y/N, I’m not sure anyone but Lydia hears what you hear.” Aiden replied.

“They’re whispering.” Lydia told him. “Something about a house.”

“I heard that too.” I added.

“What house?” Aiden wondered.

I plucked the same string again and the whispers stared up, louder than ever. I followed the sound and the vibrating string to a picture of Eichen House that was pinned up to the far wall.

“That house.” Lydia said, walking over and pointing to the picture.

Aiden and I followed Lydia, standing slightly behind her as we stared at the picture.

“What’s Eichen House?” Aiden asked, looking at the picture in confusion.

“A mental health center.” Lydia answered him. “It’s where William Barrow, the shrapnel bomber, was committed.”

“Is that it?” Aiden looked at Lydia and I for confirmation.

I nodded. “That’s where he is. That’s where Stiles is.”

-

I stared up at the large building before me. Eichen House looked creepier in person than it did in a photograph. After discovering where Stiles was, I called Noah and Scott, telling them to meet me at the Eichen House. Aiden and Lydia went to her house to wait for news while I went ahead with Noah and Scott.

“Y/N.” I heard Noah’s voice coming from behind me. I turned around to see him and Scott approaching me with a couple of deputies behind them. “I don’t want to say ‘are you sure about this”, but—”

“No, he’s here.” I interrupted him. “I swear to God he’s here.”

Noah nodded, sighing as he opened the gate. He and his deputies went in first, with Scott and I following at the rear. Noah stormed into the lobby of Eichen House and approached the front desk worker.

“I need access to all basement rooms in this facility.” He demanded harshly.

The worker let us into the facility and showed us to the basement door. As we got closer to the door, a weird feeling encompassed me—I knew we had to be in the right place.

“It’s here.” I told Noah and Scott. “It’s right here.”

Noah rushed over and took out his flashlight before kicking open the door. He quickly walked down the stairs, Scott and I following him. I looked around the room, trying to find my boyfriend.

“Stiles?” I called as we looked around the room.

He wasn’t here. The basement was empty.

I bit my lip, tears coming to my eyes. I couldn’t believe this. I had thought that this was it—that Stiles was here. Now, while I led everyone here, there was no chance of finding Stiles before he froze to death. I had wasted precious time.

“Y/N?” Scott asked, his voice gentle as he slowly grabbed my arm.

“I don’t get it.” My voice broke. “This had to be it.”

“Then where is he, huh?” Noah asked quietly, turning to me. His voice raised as he looked at me with panicked eyes, “Where is he? WHERE IS HE?”

I flinched back, never having experienced Noah’s wrath before. More tears came to my eyes and a few slipped down my cheeks. Noah’s eyes softened and he reached forward, pulling me into a hug.

“I’m sorry, kiddo.” He murmured, his voice breaking.

“I don’t understand.” I cried into his shoulder.

Noah didn’t respond, he just tightened his grip on me.

-

I burrowed my head into Scott’s shoulder, fighting the exhaustion that threatened to overcome me. Even with the soft voices of the nurses, Agent McCall, and Melissa around me, the urge to sleep was strong. I had to stay awake, though. Noah would be out at any minute with an update on Stiles.

Agent McCall and Melissa had been the ones to find Stiles. He was in the last place that I would have thought of—Malia’s coyote den. I didn’t know why the voices had led me to Eichen House, but at this point, I wasn’t thinking about it. Stiles was my main focus for the moment.

Hearing soft footsteps approaching us, I opened my eyes and saw that Noah was making his way toward us, a solemn look on his face. My eyes widened and I stood up, ready to hear the news, whether it was good or bad.

“He’s sleeping now.” Noah informed us. “And he’s just fine. He doesn’t remember much. It’s a bit like a dream to him.”

I sighed in relief, placing a hand over my rapidly-beating heart. Stiles was safe…Stiles was fine…Stiles was alive…

Noah turned to Agent McCall with a gracious look on his face. “Thank you.”

“It was that repellent we sprayed in the coyote den to keep other animals out.” Agent McCall shrugged Noah off. “I couldn’t go near it without my eyes watering. It’s just a good thing he mentioned it over the phone.”

“No, it was more than that.” Noah disagreed. “Thank you.”

“It was a lucky connection.” Agent McCall shook his head.

Noah sighed, exasperated. “McCall, can you shut up please and accept my sincerest gratitude?”

Agent McCall looked at Noah thoughtfully before thrusting his hand out to shake Noah’s. “Accepted.”

“All right, you two.” Melissa spoke up, looking at Scott and I. “You’ve got school in less than six hours. Go home and go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.” Scott said, giving him mother a hug.

I looked at Noah, hesitating to leave. I didn’t want to leave Stiles. What if he needed me when he woke up? Besides, I needed to see him—to see that he was unharmed with my own eyes.

Noah must have seen my hesitation because he gave me a half-hearted smile. “Go home, kiddo. You’ll see him after school.”

“Okay, but—”

“No buts.” Noah gave me a stern look.

“Fine.” I sighed, giving in. “But tell him to call me if he needs me.”

“I will—”

“And that I can bring him clothes if he wants them—”

“I will, Y/N—”

“And that I love him.” I finished as Noah placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Go. Home.” He said slowly. “I will tell him.”

I nodded and turned away, looking down the hall apprehensively. Scott took my hand as we slowly walked away from Agent McCall, Melissa, and Noah, squeezing it in reassurance.

“I don’t know what happened.” I said softly. “I was so sure.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t much help either.” Scott said sheepishly. “But it doesn’t matter. He’s okay.”

Right as he finished his sentence, I heard a strange sound. It was like metal clanging against metal and it hurt my head with how loud it was. I whipped around, trying to find out where the sound was coming from. Apparently no one else heard it though, because they weren’t reacting.

Scott grabbed my hand again, turning my attention to him.

“Y/N, do you hear something?” He asked worriedly.

The metal clanging abruptly stopped.

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t hear anything.”

-

SLAM

I winced, the ache in my head climbing to great heights as the guy next to me slammed his locker shut. All day this had been happening—someone would drop their book on their desk, pop their gum, or drop a pencil, and I could hear all of it.

“You okay?” Scott asked as he put one of his textbooks into his locker.

“Yeah.” I assured him weakly. “I’m just a little hyper-sensitive to loud sounds today.”

SLAM

I flinched back against the locker I was leaning on, away from the loud noise coming from across the hall. Scott looked at me worriedly, but I waved him off. There was no need to be worried about me.

“Mom told me that they’re doing tests on Stiles all afternoon.” Scott said, changing the subject.

“Yeah, that’s what Noah told me.” I nodded. “I’m going over there after school. Want to come with me?”

“Um, I’ll come visit around six o’clock.” Scott replied. “I promised Lydia to bring her the notes that she missed today.”

“Lydia didn’t come to school today?” I asked, looking up at him in shock.

Scott shrugged. “She said she was having a migraine.”

SLAM

Wincing again, I clenched my hands into fists and closed my eyes. My head was hurting now more than ever, but I wasn’t going to go home. Stiles needed me—hell, I needed Stiles. I needed to see him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Scott asked me in a cautious voice.

“Yeah.” I confirmed slowly. “Um, I’m gonna go. I’ll text you later.”

As I walked out of the school, loud noises followed me. I sped up, practically running out of the school to get to my car, where—hopefully—silence would surround me and give me a reprieve from all the loud noise.

-

I knocked on the threshold of Stiles’ hospital room, putting a fake smile on my face as I looked in. Stiles was sitting up in his bed, wearing a gown and eating Jell-O with a disgruntled look on his face.

He looked up at the sound of my knock and his face lit up, an easy smile covering his face. He set the Jell-O cup down on his tray and leaned back into his bed, patting the mattress invitingly.

“Hey.” I greeted, crossing the room to the side of his bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’d feel a lot better if I could get out of here.” He sighed before looking up at me with puppy-dog eyes. “Save me?”

“As much as I want you out of here, I want you to be healthy.” I told him. I lowered my body, sitting on the edge of his bed and leaning my head against his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine.” Stiles said before I felt the pressure of his lips kissing my head. “It’s just sleepwalking.”

I twisted my lips as I caught how thick he voice had gotten. He knew that they were testing him for the same disease that his mother had but he was trying to calm me down, to assure me that nothing was wrong.

Twisting my body around, I laid my head on his chest, clutching the fabric of his hospital gown in my fist. I listened to his heart beating, trying to assure myself that he’d be okay. I wasn’t so sure, though—all the symptoms he had pointed to Frontotemporal Dementia. It was the only form of dementia that can hit teenagers and there’s no cure.

“I love you.” I murmured into his chest. Tears sprang to my eyes as I squirmed, trying to get closer to him. “I love you so much, Mieczyslaw.”

Stiles sighed and wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me closer. “I love you, too.” He said, his voice breaking. It was silent for a few seconds before he spoke up again, “I don’t want to die.”

I sat up and faced him, my heart breaking as I saw the tears in his honey-brown eyes. He looked so scared and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want him to die either but I had to be strong for him right now.

“You’re not going to die.” I said, my voice sounding fiercer than I felt. “Don’t say that, okay? If you have it, Scott will do something. I know he will.”

“There’s no guarantee—” He started, but I quickly cut him off.

“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “Remember what I said a couple days ago? Remember?”

Stiles nodded. “That you had hope.”

“I do.” I gave him a smile. “I have hope that you’ll make it through this—that we’ll graduate high school, go to college, get married, and have a dozen kids with your gorgeous eyes—”

“Y/N—”

“You have to have hope, too, Stiles.” I went on, ignoring his interruption. “Because if we don’t have hope, we won’t get through this.”

Tears were slowly making their way down Stiles’ face but he made no move to brush them away as he stared at me. I reached up and stroked his mole-covered cheek with my thumb, wiping away some of the tears.

“I love you, Y/N.” He whispered. “And I want all of those things, too. I want them with you.”

I smiled and cupped his cheek. Moving my head forward, I slowly pressed my lips against his, trying to convey all the love I had for him into the kiss. Stiles let out a little moan and pulled me closer, so I was almost sitting on his lap.

I pulled away after a few seconds, wanting to keep it PG, since we were in a hospital. Stiles looked a little disappointed when I pulled away from him, but he didn’t complain. Instead, he pressed a quick peck to my cheek before settling his arms around my waist and cuddling into me.

I laid my head back on his chest as my eyes fell onto his tray of food a few feet away. I smirked as I saw the Jell-O cup—Stiles hated Jell-O. He always refused to eat it.

“Were you eating Jell-O when I came in?” I asked, amusement leaking from my tone.

Stiles sighed. “I can explain—”

-

“I’m not sure I know how to pronounce this.” Stiles’ doctor—Dr. Michaels said as he read Stiles’ name off the chart. I snickered softly into my fist and Stiles gave me a playful glare. “Or if it’s not actually a misspelling.”

Noah looked at the doctor sternly, his arms folded across his chest. “Just call him Stiles.”

Dr. Michaels gave Noah a close-lipped smile and shut Stiles’ chart before turning to Stiles. “Okay. Stiles, just to warn you, you’re going to hear a lot of noise during the MRI.” He informed Stiles. “It’s due to pulses of electricity going through the metal coils inside the machine. Uh, if you want, we can get you earplugs or headphones.”

“Oh, no.” Stiles shook his head as he scratched his cheek. “No, I don’t need anything.”

“Hey,” Noah started, placing a hand on Stiles’ shoulder. Melissa stood behind him, giving Stiles a small smile. “We’re just on the other side of that window, okay?”

“Okay.” Stiles nodded at his father.

Noah gave Stiles an assuring smile and Stiles reached over, clapping Noah on the shoulder a couple times. Noah and Melissa walked out with the doctor, leaving Stiles, Scott, and I alone in the room with the MRI machine.

“Okay.” I sighed, glancing at a stoic-looking Scott before turning to Stiles. “I’ll be with your Dad and Melissa, okay?”

Stiles nodded and looked down at his folded hands.

I reached up and cupped his face with both hands before leaning forward and giving his cheek a lingering kiss. “I love you, Stiles.” I whispered as I pulled away.

Stiles gave me a half-hearted smile in return. He grabbed my arm—the one with his name on the wrist—and pulled down the bracelet that covered up his name. He gave the crooked writing a quick kiss before releasing my hand again.

My eyes watered as I stared at him. That was something I always did to him, but he never did to me. It meant a lot to me that he did that—it made me love him even more than I already did.

I turned around quickly, not wanting Stiles to see me cry. I rushed out of the room, tears slipping down my cheeks, and walked over to where Noah and Melissa were with the doctor. Noah’s face softened as he saw me and he quickly pulled me into a hug.

After a few seconds, I composed myself, not wanting to continue to cry in front of Stiles’ doctor. I didn’t know him at all, so it was weird for him to see me so vulnerable. I pulled away from Noah and looked out the window just as Scott and Stiles hugged each other tightly.

A sad smile made its way to my lips as I watched an emotional Scott pull away from the hug. He walked out of the room and left, not even pausing at the door of the room that we were in. He looked like he wanted to be alone.

The nurse went in and helped Stiles situate himself on the MRI table before walking out of the room. Dr. Michaels pressed a button and the table started sliding Stiles’ body into the machine.

“Okay, Stiles.” Dr. Michaels said into a microphone that spoke into the machine. “This will take about forty-five minutes to an hour. Now, remember, try not to move. Even just a little bit.” He paused as I saw Stiles’ feet squirm for a second. “Stiles, you’re going to hear that noise now. It’s going to be a loud clanging, kind of like a hammer hitting an anvil.”

I sharply turned my head to the doctor, furrowing my eyebrows. “Did you say that it was a clanging noise?” I asked him, thinking about the weird clanging noise that I heard last night as Scott and I were leaving the hospital.

The doctor, Melissa, and Noah all looked at me strangely.  

“Yeah.” Dr. Michaels said. “Like metal on metal.”

I sucked in a sharp breath and immediately felt lightheaded. Something was wrong here. I just didn’t know what it was.

“I have to go.” I said abruptly. “Um, I’ll be in the hallway.”

I briskly walked out of the room and made my way down the hallway to a seat outside of the nurse’s station. Once I was seated, I pulled my legs up to my chest and leaned my forehead against my knees.

At once, like a switch had been flipped in my head, I could hear a loud clanging noise. I looked around, noticing that no one else seemed to hear it, and brought my hands up to my head, gripping the sides of it tightly. The clanging continued, making my head ache fiercely.

-

The clanging hadn’t stopped and by now, the material of my shirt was damp with tears. My head hurt so bad but I didn’t think there would be anything to stop it.

“Y/N.”

I looked up to see Melissa standing in front of me, a solemn look on her face. I instantly knew that she had bad news. She wouldn’t have that look on her face if it was good news.

“His brain showed signs of atrophy.” She said, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry.”

Before I even had time to process what she was saying, loud and fast footsteps were approaching us. Scott was speeding toward us, a frantic look on his face.

“Scott?”

“It’s him, Y/N.” His voice was shaky. “Stiles is the nogitsune.”

“What?” I breathed.

At that second, the lights above us flickered on and off. I looked at Scott in horror and he looked back with equally emotional eyes. All at once, the power went out, sending the whole hospital into blackness. Shortly afterward, the generator kicked on, but when I looked around for Scott, I noticed he was gone.

The metal clanging had started up again, this time louder than before. I let out a moan of pain, crouching down to the floor as the overwhelming need to scream hit me.

“Y/N?” Melissa’s voice was urgent. “Y/N?”

I opened my mouth to tell her I was okay, but a deafening scream ripped through my chest, blocking out the words. Melissa flinched away, covering her ears as the screaming continued.

And even as I was screaming, I felt myself get pulled into a vision.

A large power cord, severed from its source wound its way through the air, its tip lighting up with the electricity still being produced through it. It whipped around on top of the roof, narrowly missing Derek, who had been inspecting it.

Derek stepped back, away from the rogue power cord just as Scott showed up. He looked at the power cord in horror. The power cord now flipped off of the room and flung toward the ground.

Kira was standing by Derek’s vehicle, watching in shock as the power cord writhed around. Just as it flicked toward her, she dropped, the cord narrowly missing her head.

I blinked as my vision ended and so did the scream. All around me, people were staring in shock, wondering why I had screamed. Melissa grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the prying stares.

“What happened, Y/N?” She asked. “What did you see?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t only whisper, “Oh, my God.”

Tag List

@julzdec @karamelcoveredolicity @thegirlalmighty01 @eat-unicornpoop @belleknows @supernaturallover2002  @dontstopxx @feelingsareharddd @brien-odylan  @shewritesshedraws @dylnobrien1911 @kaleyana @mad-hatter-021 @nikcentric @addietagglikesbands @seninjakitey @shayke-and-bake @southsiderepresent @screamxqueenx94 @lostinwonderland314  @rissa-raeken @caitsymichelle13 @barryallenplease  @dafine18 @loverofwaytoomanythings618

[vtmusicomp]

That Day

I’ve been doing mostly upbeat posts about our time together chronologically up to this point, but since this is glioblastoma day (at least the senate says so!) I wanted to go out of order and share what happened on that fateful day. It really all started in December of 2016. Grant had the flu. It was also around this time he told me he was having slight memory issues; specifically, that he would see people at work who weren’t a regular part of his team and he couldn’t remember their names. I admit to thinking nothing of this – he was turning 45 in January, and I teased him that he was having problems remembering things because of his advanced age. Sometimes I have trouble remembering things I could easily have recalled in my 20s, and I thought it was the same. Here’s a picture of us at BART in San Bruno from that time, on our way to see Primus at the Fox Theatre in Oakland, CA - NYE 2016.

A few days into the new year, he started feeling bad again. He went to urgent care and they told him he was probably just having lingering flu symptoms. He took a couple extra days off work to rest and seemed to get better.  I had scheduled time off on 1/19/17 and 1/20/17 to get an outpatient procedure done for my sinuses, so I was recuperating through the weekend and feeling mildly sorry for myself. Saturday 1/21/17 we went to IKEA because I was restless and we were still trying to add a couple small pieces for our condo we’d just bought in May. We went across the street for mid-day ablutions/a snack; I was talking to him about something inane, and he told me to hold on a minute. Then we just sat there in silence…after maybe couple minutes I asked him what was wrong, and he said he didn’t know. The way he described it was he got confused and needed a moment, but then he was himself again. It was such a short blip in the day that I didn’t think too much of it.

Sunday 1/22/17 we went to the mall in Woodland Hills to get birthday gifts for Naomi. While I was purchasing something, Grant went to get coffee from a kiosk. When I was done, I found him waiting for his drink. He told me he had a hard time ordering his coffee, that it took longer than it should and he had gotten confused. There was a lot of noise and activity in that section of the mall – there were children running around and parents yelling, also a couple dogs, in addition to the noise of the coffee kiosk itself – so I could see why that might have been distracting. Again, I didn’t pick up on anything out of the ordinary. We went home and relaxed for a couple hours, but I wanted to try this gastropub in Sherman Oaks we read about online. This picture is from his 45th birthday, on 1/8/17 at Chris and Anne’s house.

Dinner time rolled around and I decided to drive because I chose the place. Usually, he liked to drive us to dinner but we reversed roles that night – and it’s provident we did. I was turning to get on the freeway, and talking to him, when he again told me to hold on a minute. That minute stretched out into the entire length of the drive. At first, I thought maybe he was tired - he had been battling that flu and also had mentioned to me at some point over the weekend that his stomach hurt. I changed my mind and told him since he wasn’t feeling well, we shouldn’t be going out to some random bar we’d never been to before. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, but we were coming up on the exit to Van Nuys Blvd, so I got off and headed towards the Mendocino Farms next to Guitar Center in Sherman Oaks.

At this point, Grant had said nothing to me for a while, and I started asking him questions. I wanted to know what his stomach felt like – did he feel like he was going to throw up, was it a dull pain, was it localized in some area? I was thinking maybe he needed to get his appendix taken out or something. He would only grunt at me, which got me thinking maybe he was annoyed with me for asking him so many questions, so I shut up. I confess to being a little annoyed myself that he wasn’t communicating with me (I wish I could take that feeling back). Mendocino Farms is part of a larger structure with a parking garage and a couple different restaurants. I parked and asked him again if everything was ok. He got so frustrated he started talking to me, only what he was saying didn’t make any sense. He was using vowels and consonants but it was all gibberish.

Initially, I couldn’t figure out what was going on, because what was coming out of his mouth sounded so close to actual words, I thought my hearing was the problem. I didn’t always take good care of my ears in the early years of playing in a band; maybe I was losing my hearing. I told him I didn’t know what he was trying to say and asked him to repeat it. I asked if he was talking about the restaurant but he couldn’t tell me. He tried to get out of the car anyway, with the intention of going in to order something, but I stopped him.

I want to describe what this felt like but I’m not sure I have the right words. I got a chill that went right through my body. My head felt just a little faint and I couldn’t quite focus. I wondered if he was having a stroke, but his face didn’t look like it was drooping and he was able to operate all his limbs just fine. We sat there for only a few seconds more and I told him I thought maybe we should go to urgent care. I took Woodman to the Kaiser in Panorama City; it was dark out, raining and cold. The whole drive, he kept talking gibberish to me; and I kept telling him I didn’t understand him but that was ok. Every now and then he’d pepper an actual word in there, which made me think he was making sense and it was just me who couldn’t understand. So, I’d apologize and ask him to repeat himself, he’d respond, I would say I didn’t get it, and so on. It was a loop that went around and around.

When we got there, we went to urgent care first – my default. He had progressed to being able to put some words together – we were at half words, half gibberish. Of course, the intake desk at urgent care told us we should go to the emergency room. The ER is across a driveway in a separate building, so we walked over there in the rain under my umbrella. Someone was waiting to take us back – the urgent care folks had called ahead. Then it was this whirl of activity – four nurses and a doctor getting his vital signs, drawing blood, asking him questions he couldn’t answer because he still couldn’t quite talk. They took him for a CT scan about five minutes after we arrived, and then he was back in his ER bay ten minutes later. The whole time, a lady was screaming in the next room, and hilariously, I felt like I was in a horror film. I mean, turns out we both were, we just didn’t know it yet.

At first, they wouldn’t tell us what was wrong. Panorama City Kaiser doesn’t have neurology, so we did a video conference with the neurologist at the Sunset Kaiser – this was Dr. Guzman, and he would eventually become Grant’s neuro-oncologist. He asked Grant to identify pictures on a laminated sheet. Grant was able to get some of them right, but he couldn’t tell the doc what a cactus was, or a feather, or a chair. By this time, Grant was able to talk again, albeit not confidently, but he could at least form sentences and tell me things. I sent a text to Grant’s sister Kim, telling her what was going on and asking her to help me relay this to his parents, Larry and Connie. Shortly after that I was in touch with Connie, messaging her the little I knew about what was happening. She told us they were coming out first thing the next day and requested we keep them updated in the interim, no matter how late.

After the neuro guy was done, the ER nurses told Grant he was being transferred to the Sunset Kaiser. I was so confused by this point, and also so hungry, that I wanted to know if they’d let me pull up to the ER door so Grant wouldn’t have to walk back to the parking lot. No, Val, they’re transporting him by ambulance (duh). I wanted to ride with him, but I also didn’t want to leave the car behind in case we needed something, so I ended up following them on the freeway. The guy drove 55 the whole way – I’m sure the people behind us were thrilled! I could see the paramedics talking to Grant in the back of the ambulance. Later I learned this is when Grant learned there was a mass on the CT scan and that’s why he was being admitted.

When we got to Sunset, I figured it was going to take a bit before they got Grant settled; my phone was dying and my stomach was grumbling so I went to the Rite Aid on the corner of Hollywood and Vermont. I am never going to that Rite Aid again because I don’t want those memories. I bought the cheapest phone charger I could find and bag of Chex Mix, then I went to the hospital. Kim texted she was on her way and asked if we needed anything, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I found Grant in the ICU on the 6th floor just by the elevator. He was talking and laughing with the nurse. At this point he’d gotten most of his words back and was able to tell me what the paramedic told him. Even though I know he was worried about what they’d found on the scan, he was also feeling better because he was able to communicate again. He asked me to call Alicia and let her know what was happening – it was 11pm by then and I had to leave a voicemail. That’s probably the worst voicemail I’ve ever left a person. One last picture, this one of the first evening we went out after his surgery, wearing a hat Carrie knitted for him.

The week that followed was insanity – but I’m going to stop here for now. I hope this isn’t too much information; I know we told some of this story to different people in fits and starts, and I’m happy to be able to share it fully. He didn’t really want people to know much of what happened when it was happening, but he was so brave it’s almost not fair to NOT share it. He did so incredibly well; his will to keep going stayed strong despite all the challenges, and it remains inspirational to me. A better role model could not exist for this horrid disease. Thank you for reading.

[arcticlee]

Unhealed wounds // Gavin Reed nightmare one-shot

Words: 1,346

Warnings: light gore, scenes of torture

Characters: Gavin Reed, John Reed (Gavin's father AU)

Quick note: this is just a quick one-shot I wrote because so many people got excited over the idea of me writing angsty/horror-driven Gavin fanfic. I have ideas for a full fanfic which will include those broody themes along with crime fighting, but it will be reader-insert with Gavin and Connor as one of the main characters. So if anyone's interested in that, you can always ask me to tag you in all the chapters I will be putting out in the future

Here's my ao3 account if anyone's interested in that

Also tagging everyone who encouraged me to write this in my previous post: @hollowxo @tokamoyuki @darlingotaku @busaurouzz @suissegirl101 @rosencuttleotl @skiiish

Enjoy, ya bastards!

___________________________________________

  Distant whispers were slowly becoming more prominent but I still couldn't figure out their meaning. They were like bees in a hive- so many different voices of various pitches and tones, melted into one loud buzzing. I tried to pinpoint at least one, figure out what they were communicating, but it was to no avail.

  I slowly opened my eyes to only be met with complete darkness. There was nothing I could see, nothing that would let me know where I was and what was happening. But the whispers? They didn't stop, they grew with their intensity, becoming louder and stronger. Like those bees in a hive- now buzzing angrily as if they were ready to attack me. I tried covering my ears, stuffing my fingers inside them to muffle out any sounds that were surrounding me but it wasn't helping, I only started losing my cold, my anxiety building up gradually inside me, ready to spill over. I could feel my heart already thumping against my ribs, my whole chest rising and falling heavily under shaky breaths.

  I turned around, my eyes trying to adjust at least a bit to the darkness and see something- anything that could be of any shape. There was nothing but pitch black darkness.

  I felt lost, confused and scared. My mind was screaming for me to run, escape, hide somewhere, but I didn't know where. I couldn't see anything.

  The whispers were growing on me, soon turning into loud murmurs, as they grazed my ears unpleasantly with their uneven pitches, melting into one huge chaos.

     "No," I whispered back, trying to keep my sanity, but the voices kept growing on me, getting louder with my every ragged breath.

     "No!" I screamed this time, trying to over-shout all the murmuring.

     "Stop, please, no!" my voice started shaking, just like my whole body. "No, stop, please!" 

  As much as I ripped my throat with yelling, nobody could hear me, because no one was there to listen. It was just me, locked up somewhere in the darkness to deal with my biggest enemy- myself. It was all in my head- the voices, all of them continuously murmuring the same non-sense, almost melting into one loud humming.

  My legs gave out beneath me and I fell onto my knees with the last shout of "please help me", gripping my ears with trembling hands, not able to cope mentally with this madness any longer. I was about to lose my mind, breathing loudly, clutching my ears for dear life so tightly, I felt the pain, my nails sinking into the soft skin behind my earlobes.

  The torture felt like eternity, the voices drove me insane to the point where I wanted to rip my ears out. I ended up lying on the ground, all curled up, squeezing my bleeding ears, crying because I couldn't take such pressure.

  And suddenly, as if with one snap of fingers, everything stopped- all of the humming simply disappeared, leaving me in complete silence. I felt my own heart hammering in my heaving chest, my whole body tensed up and still trembling. I loosened my grip on my ears, revealing my injured neck all covered in bleeding wounds from how hard I scraped my skin with my fingernails. I let out a steady exhale, trying to calm myself down and get up, but my attempts were interrupted by a sudden scream of a man that made me jump.

     "Dad!", another loud scream erupted through the darkness and I twitched slightly from its loudness, drawing in a sharp breath. "Dad, please!" the same agonizing scream stroked my ears until I recognized it.

  It was my own scream. Of my younger-self.

  I was ripping my throat out, screaming so loudly, my vocal cords were ready to give out.

     "Let me go! Please, dad! Don't leave me!!!" the screams continued echoing through the darkness, bringing me back to that horrific moment.

   I was only 20 then. They came out of nowhere at night and kidnapped both me and my father. I was clueless of what was happening and scared shitless. Yet, my father knew everything, because he was at fault. Or so I was made to believe. They held him at gun point and tied me up to a chair, letting me watch as they slowly tortured him. Every single slice they left on his body and every single punch that landed on his face caused me extreme emotional pain. I was a screaming and crying mess, thrashing against my binds and pleading for them to stop because I knew what was about to happen...

     "I'm sorry, son..." came in the whisper and everything fell dead silent until someone grabbed me by my collar on the back of my neck out of nowhere jerking me backwards and into the light.

  I got thrown carelessly onto the cold cement floor and the first louder grunt rolled off my tongue as the pain hit my head and elbows. I squinted my eyes, unable to adjust to all the brightness surrounding me.

     "Well well well, if it ain't our boy Reed," a hoarse voice came from above me and the sudden realization hit me like a truck, throwing me into a state of panic. I recognized the voice immediately. It was him, the man responsible for my father's death. I still could remember his shit eating grin as he shot him dead, watching me come undone before him.

  I tried scraping myself up and onto my legs just so I could sprint as far away from him as possible, but I didn't even manage to push myself off the floor as I got struck back down with a fist against my cheekbone. The hit was so strong, it sent my head flying sideways and back against the hard cement floor. I almost got completely knocked out, my ears now ringing loudly and head spinning. I could barely make out the shape of his silhouette above me as my vision became all blurry.

     "You gotta pay for your sins, Reed," the same low grunt grazed my ears and I felt his fist grab my shirt, pushing my limp body upwards until my feet were dangling in the air.

     "For all the shit that you've done, for all the misery that you've brought upon my family..." he squeezed the words out through his clenched teeth. "You will pay," he accentuated every syllable with a threatening tone and I didn't even have time to come back to my senses when I got thrown back onto the ground, whining at all the pain that struck my body.

     "I hope you burn in hell for all eternity John Reed! You and your whole family!" he roared and before I knew it, I felt the first slice of a knife that landed on my abdomen, forcing me to get up quickly and fight for my life. Yet, my body felt weak and my legs quickly gave out beneath me as I slumped back down onto the floor.

     "Pathetic," the man spit out the words in disgust and walked closer towards me. I felt his fingers slip into my hair as they raised my head to face him standing above me. "You're just another piece of meat that's about to be butchered," he groaned and another hard punch landed on my cheek, throwing my head to the side. I barely managed to catch my breath, when his foot struck my stomach, pushing all the air back out of my lungs as I came stumbling onto the floor when he stopped me, grabbing me by the throat.

     "Any last words, John?" the question fell from his lips in a heavy silence as I watched him withdraw the gun. He cocked the hammer slowly and I felt the coldness of a barrel as it came in contact with my temple.

  I gulped, my throat so tight I could barely breathe.

     "I'm sorry, son..." I whispered and closed my eyes, counting down last seconds of my life, before a loud gun shot forced me awake.

[mezhane]

JUST MARRIED (... kinda)

PART 6

“He did what ?!” Marina shouted out loud , her eyes nearly popping out. She always gives me the best reactions and I love her for that . But we were in public now , and the last thing I wanted was to draw the attention to us . I winced at her high pitched voice and took a sip of my drink.

“Ok, chill the fuck down babe, everyone is looking at us ... I said he kissed me , twice .” Marina and I have no taboos with eachother , but I don’t know why I was embarrassed to tell her that.

“And you kissed him back didn’t you ?! You did right ?! No, don’t even answer that , I know you did !...Why would you kiss him back ?!”

“Well I don’t know bitch, maybe because I’ll be his wife in two months !” I told her throwing my arms in the air .

“Right, I forgot about that... Some part of my brain still hasn’t processed the fact that you’ll be someone’s wife in two months ...” I could feel a tinge if pain in her voice. Me and her had always agreed to marry later, when we figure out what to do with our lives . I grabbed her hand and squeezed it .

“Babe, I know how you feel , and if it feels weird to you, imagine how it feels to me ... This was so unexpected... But I can’t let my parents down they’re counting on me ...” I reassured her, smiling. She scoffed and smirked at me .

“Girl get the fuck out of here, we both know you agreed to this marriage cause you’ve been crazy about Xing since middle school.”

“You’re damn right !” I admitted laughing. She joined me too and stared at me . I could tell she was really concerned .

“ Will you be okay though ? I know Yixing, he’s a good man, but you’re like my twin, and I want to protect you from any danger, including my own family...” I grabbed her hand and held it as tight as I could.

“I’ll be fine don’t worry too much about me and focus on yourself, because you’re next!” I smirked , giving her a wink.

“He’ll no bitch, I’m staying in my parents’ house until I die, you know that !”

The rest of the day was spent like this, just us enjoying our time together and me contemplating my last few times as a single girl. I finally drove Marina back to her place and got home then texted Yixing .

[Me 4:37 pm]

“Helloooooo !!! How is my future husband being ? Pretty busy huh ? I know how it feels, Sam didn’t come home for two days because of the amount of work...”

I locked my phone and decided to binge on stupid reality shows. Yes, they are not intellectually stimulating, but I can’t deny how entertaining it is either. I grabbed my phone twenty minutes after, no answer. 1hour, no answer... 2, 3,4 hours , no answer. I bit my lip realizing how drowned in work he might be. I decided to send a second text, you know, just in case.

[Me 9:00pm]

“Hey, I know you’re super busy and you can’t talk to me right now, but I just wanted to say that you’re doing really well, don’t overwork yourself.”

And with that I did my little night routine and went to bed

-A WEEK LATER-

Nothing. Still nothing. I mean I know this kind of work requires you to do... overtime, but a week? A whole week without any news ? No, that was just to much. I was ranting at my mirror when I phone buzzed . I ran to grab it and my heart literally dropped when I saw the text .

[Xingie 1:03 am]

I’m okay, thanks.

That’s it? That’s the shit he’s going to give me after being absent for a week ? No problem, I’ll show him .

[Me 1:10 am]

Who’s this ? Your number isn’t saved on my phone, sorry.

Okay, I admit, that was too much. But that’s what he deserved, right?... Right?!

A minute after the text was sent , Xing called me .

“Hi Xingie, everything good, you suddenly remembered you have a fiancée?”

I heard a long sigh coming out of his mouth.

“Where are you right now ? In your room I hope .”

“W-well yeah, where do you expect me to be at this time ?”

“Good. Come out for a minute , I wanna see you .”

I was smiling so hard at the other hand of the phone. I was so proud of myself for some reason. The fact that he came all the way here from work just to see me made me feel some type of way . But I couldn’t let him know that . No . He wasn’t winning this battle .

“I don’t know about this Yixing, do you not see the time ? What makes you think I would want to come out this late ? Do you honestly think you’re gonna make yourself forgiven because you randomly come here to...”

“I don’t recall asking for your opinion, Mina come out now. Hurry”

Oh wow , I was in trouble . Not because I was scared of him , but because being man handled by Yixing was oddly arousing to me . I sighed deeply into the phone , feigning annoyance.

“What if my dad catches me ? He’s gonna kill me !” I asked , even though getting caught by my dad was the least of my worries right now.

“I don’t care,find a way” And he hung up just like that. I ran out of my bed and grabbed a pair of leggings. (Not gonna lie, I chose this pair for a reason, they made me look really good) Then, I rushed to my mirror and fixed my hair. I didn’t bother to do anything to my face .Thank god for lashes extensions. I walked out of my room and went down the stairs with feather steps, trying to make less noise as possible. I decided to go for the backyard door, as it provided less chances to get caught . I opened the door and decided to leave it like that , to make it easier to get back to my room after . I spotted Yixing’s car and ran to it . He smiled when he saw me , opening his door for me .

“You came !” He seemed pleasantly surprised about it .

“You didn’t give me that much of a choice now, did you ?” I added smirking.

“I didn’t think you would. Knowing how much of a temper and attitude you have , I must say I’m pretty chocked .”

I fake gasped and clutched my heart. That caused Yixing to burst out in laughter.

“I’m really sorry babygirl. Those days have been hell to me .”

“I know, I feel so bad for getting mad at you when you were just trying to do your job...”I pouted and put my face in my hands .

“No,no, don’t say that! My job is important for sure , but you should always come first...Always.”

I was trying so hard not to smile , which Yixing must have noticed since he chuckled and ruffled my hair.

“Baby?” I just hummed and looked in his direction.

“You know, I could really use a kiss right now.”

Oh fuck. That’s it , I was flustered again ! Honestly, I have to thank the Lord for making me black because I couldn’t deal with the blushing otherwise.

“Y-you want a kiss?” He just hummed and bit his lip . Why was he so hot ?!

I leaned over to him and gave him the most innocent peck before smiling.

“Really? That’s it ? We both know you can do much better... Come here ...”

He patted his lap , gesturing me to come sit on it . He didn’t have to tell me twice. I climbed on him and straddled his hips. He grabbed my face and smiled before locking his lips with mine . Five minutes later, we were making out like crazy and his hands were squeezing my hips, guiding them to grind on him. The idea of grinding on Yixing while making out with him in the middle of the night was driving me completely insane. And judging by his hard on rubbing on the inside of my thigh , I could tell he was affected too. He suddenly pushed his hips up harshly onto my center and I released a long moan.

“Xing, please...” I begged like I was craving his touch. The feeling was so new to me I didn’t know how to act. But I didn’t really mind sounding desperate.

“Fuck baby, don’t moan my name like that... Do you have any idea how dangerous you are ?”

“Dangerous?” I tried to act as innocent as possible, though I knew exactly what he meant.

“Yeah... I wanna fuck the shit out of you ... But I can’t... I shouldn’t. Your dad will murder me if something happens before our wedding. You’re meant to stay pure until we’re officially married.” He said , his hands still going under my shirt.

“I know that Xing, but I want you so bad” I answered as my hand unconsciously travelled from his face down to his belt.

“That’s it , get off me . You’re not helping me keeping my self control.” He ordered with a painful laugh . I got off him and sat in the passenger seat . He kissed my hand then grabbed my face and kissed me passionately one last time .

“I should probably go Xing. I have to wake up early tomorrow.” I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

“Yeah? What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have to go and pick up my dress Xing...” Why was I embarrassed to tell him that ?

“Oh, right ... Damn , you really are going to be Mrs Zhang huh ?” He joked , smirking down.

“I guess , it’s crazy to me too” I covered my face in excitement.

“It isn’t to me... I figured you would be my wife a while ago, actually.”

“W-what? You knew ?” My eyes widened so much they were gonna pop off.

“Aww baby , you’re so cute ! You still don’t get it ? We were meant to be kitten ! It has always been this way !” He said poking my nose. “Go babe, get loads of sleep. I’ll text you tomorrow, okay ?”

“Y-Yeah...”

I left his car and quietly got back to my house then my room. As I was lying in bed , I kept thinking about what he said. We were meant to be ? So does that means I was promised to him as soon as I was born ? Too many things happened tonight and I felt like I wouldn’t be able to get any sleep. I will definitely have to have a conversation with my dad tomorrow.

[hollygopossumlovesj2]

Come Back Down, Part 19

(This gif was taken from good ol’ Google. This is not mine and I take no credit.)

Title: Come Back Down, Part 19

Words: 1,937 (kinda short but has a punch!)

Warnings/Rating: PG-13; There are curse words and some depiction of illness. This story is not Danneel positive, but it does not reflect my personal feelings. Please just read this as the entertainment that it is supposed to be. There will be an explanation as to why she is behaving so strangely.

Summary: As the holidays draw nearer, Jensen, Y/N and his family try to celebrate with as much normalcy as they can manage with danger and drama seeming to lurk at every turn.

Come Back Down Master List

Hollygopossum’s Master List

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

 In what I can only describe as insanity, I lived through letting Mom and Y/N drag me around to the boutiques in downtown for last minute Christmas Shopping. It was hard to slip away when I felt like I would heave anything left in my stomach and I’d gotten some dirty looks. But, I’d managed. Their happy faces and banter made the sacrifice worth it.

 I don’t even want to talk about lunch. Let’s just say I’ll never eat at Ghirelli’s ever again. Then, we’d driven through the first night of the Christmas Lights in another part of town. That had been a relief because I got to sit down and blankly stare out the window without having to control the expression on my face. I had no idea how I would be standing up again, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind for now. Hiding how I felt from everyone was exhausting and I fought to keep my eyes open.

 That had been the highlight of the evening, letting Y/N snuggle in close in the backseat while Dad drove us through. My parents had been their adorable selves and held hands while talking about the different displays. It was basically the same displays every year so I was able to let my eyes slide closed and still participate in the conversation.

 The only mistake I made was to hand over my hot chocolate with the extra marshmallows to Y/N because there was just no way I would’ve been that giving of my Mom’s homemade hot cocoa in good physical and mental health. Especially when it had been laced with a healthy dose of peppermint schnapps. No matter how important you were to me, I never willingly gave up all of my favorites. Call it a flaw born of being a middle child and having to share with both an annoying older brother and younger sister. I didn’t learn to share. I learned to hoard.

 The amount of scrutiny that was received through the rear view mirror made the backseat extremely uncomfortable. I could feel that the flop sweat was only a few minutes away, itching underneath my skin as my abdomen pulsated in pain that had me wanting to curl into a ball and disappear.

 Y/N leaned in close, her lips at my ear, her cocoa and peppermint breath a little intoxicating and nauseating at the same time. How was that even possible? “I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you, but you’re not fooling anyone. I can feel the heat radiating off of your skin and even in just the dim lighting, I can tell you’re pale and rosy cheeked. So, when you’re done being stubborn, I’m here, okay?”

 Suddenly it was a little hard to swallow, my throat felt clogged with relief. Relief that she wouldn’t be upset when I finally came clean about what I’d been trying to keep to myself. I closed my eyes against the rush of emotion that pressed at my eyelids when she grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Okay.”

 She pressed a kiss to my hot cheek before settling in next to me in a way that didn’t cause me pain. Like she had already put the symptoms together and surmised the diagnosis way before I had. “Okay.”

 I was close to nodding off when we finally pulled into the drive way. The extreme relief of finally being home, with all intention of coming clean and crawling into bed were crushed when I saw her. Well, not her, but her red, flashy Escalade.

 It didn’t take a genius to figure out that we were here over the Thanksgiving holiday. The last thing I expected was for her to have the balls to show up and for me to find her sitting on the front door step, pregnant as hell. Could she have picked a better time?

 “You gonna be okay, son?” My Mom asked, obvious flush on her cheeks from the schnapps and a look of protective steel to her eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that the two women in this car would throw down in one way or another in my defense if I needed them to.

 “I’ll be fine.” I answered as confidently as I could, swallowing loudly as I felt the bile crawling slowly up my throat.

 Mom gave us both one last look, searching for any indecision before both of my parents got out of the car like they were practicing synchronicity. We watched them go, a moment of silence falling uncomfortably over the back seat as I could feel her vibrating with anger next to me.

 “Umm, this is completely awkward.” I heard the livid vibration in her voice clear as a bell as I watched my Mom and Dad walk past Danneel and into the house without a word. Danneel was stung by their inattention, but it’s not like I expected my parents to act like she hadn’t divorced me and then blackmailed me into staying with her.

 I squeezed her hand, leaned in to kiss her cheek, and whispered carefully into her ear. “You’re going to go in, sweetheart, and you’re gonna let me handle my own baggage, okay?”

 I knew letting all of my misery show wasn’t exactly playing fair, but it worked. “Jensen, you don’t have to do this, okay? You could just ignore her and go inside. We could get a restraining order or something.”

 “I know it sucks, but if I do any of those things, she’ll start more of a shit storm than she already has. Besides, if she’s the one responsible for your accident and barn damage, then we need to keep her calm.”

 “Fuck, but I’d like to punch her stupid, smug face, Jay. I seriously think it would help me sleep better at night.” The funny thing is, I knew it wasn’t a bluff and it brought a genuine smile to my face for the first time in several hours.

 “I know it’d make you happy, but I need you to help me out here and let me get it.”

 The angry blue bird was in full force as she nodded her begrudging agreement not to start anything, but to walk past and go inside.

 “I’ll do what you think is best, Jay. But, her ass is mine if she so much as touches you.”

 “Easy, Tiger. I got this.” I sighed, just the anxiety of seeing her here zapped all of my meager energy. However, as I struggled to get out of the car, I had a sudden moment of relief. It’s like the pain had gone down to a little ache and nothing more. Perfect. Just in time.

 I gripped her hand as we walked up the walk way, my heart hammering over time in my chest. God I needed an Ativan, big time. When we reached the stairs, I pulled her close and kissed her forehead. Lingering there as I took in her scent of wisteria and let it relax me.

 Then, I squeezed her shoulders, indicating that she should go. She didn’t hesitate, but if looks could actually kill? Danneel would be a smoking corpse. I waited until the door closed before I turned guarded eyes to her. “What do you want?”

 “Spending Thanksgiving with an innocent but chronically frumpy country hick? Really classy, and between you and me? I don’t think the smell of horse manure can be scrubbed off if it’s already oozing out of her pores, Jen.” There was a sneer on her perfectly symmetrical face, it leached any of the beauty that she may have held away.

 “You know that’s not true, Danneel. You know Mom and Dad would want her here, even if she did smell like horse manure. Of which, I can assure you, I have the privilege of being intimately familiar with every centimeter of her body. If she smelled like shit I think I would’ve noticed.” The words were like a lit fuse, the energy dragging out of me and collecting to form a fallout like the second pause before an explosion.

 “Whatever.” She stood, and it gave me a bit of satisfaction to still look down on her. “I’m here because I got served with new papers today. Right in the middle of the grocery store.”

 “You knew it was coming. You manipulated me, and this was my lawyer’s answer.” Was it me, or were the edges of my vision a little black and fuzzy?

 “You know this is going to paint you in bad light, picking on a pregnant woman, right? A brave woman who’s now on her own because her legal husband is playing house with his fucking country hick best friend.”

 She poked her sharp, perfectly manicured nail repeatedly into my chest, and I felt like my eyes were rolling in their sockets when I tried to focus. To be honest, most of her words were lost to the annoying ringing that had taken up in my ears just seconds before. Her angry, pinched face came in and out of focus and I randomly thought that she must be happy that her baby weight didn’t show up in her vapid face.

 “It’s also gonna effect Y/N, her reputation, you understand? I’ll make sure she never sells another damn print, Jensen. Is it that worth it to you? For me to destroy her life over your stupidity? All I’m asking is that you rejoin your pregnant wife in your own home. We can raise these babies, together. We could be the family we always dreamed of being.” I vaguely registered her ice cold hand touching my face as her voice started to fade out more and the world began to spin a little faster.

 Her voice grew in volume, the one that at one time I thought had been adorable, was making the ringing in my ears escalate into eardrum bursting and the darkness threatened to take over. “You’d do anything to get me back, wouldn’t you?” I was feeling so woozy that I couldn’t even berate myself for only being able speak like the words were forced to filter through a meat grinder first.

 “Yes, Jensen,” her relief was almost painful to watch. “I love you. We’re having our babies, finally. You still want these babies. I know you do. That was one of the requirements before you would even marry me. And I was on the same page, I wanted those babies so bad…” I barely registered her hands now sliding down my arms to rest on my nonexistent abs, my breath heaving as I struggled to breathe the air that seemed to be thickening to the viscosity of 50 weight motor oil.

 “Including scaring Y/N away. Maybe even getting rid of her permanently?” I was feeling gradually more breathless, my heart fluttering like rapid fire in my chest.

 The pause is what gave it away, the pause of silence as I struggled to keep my feet. It was then, as I was struggling to make it stop spinning so damn fast, that there was no doubt that she was responsible.

 “Are you kidding me… are you even listening… Fuck y-… Jensen? Jensen?!? Someone, help!!” My thoughts were a little slow, like slogging through marsh mud. My view of the stars disappearing after a sharp pain on the back of my head. Then it was all black. Nothingness. Cool black relief. I don’t know if anyone saw the relief and the smile that must’ve crossed my face. I didn’t feel any pain anymore.

Tagging Forevers: @tas898, @pansexualmeteorite, @mandymoiselle1970, @perpetualabsurdity, @maileann, @daydreamingintheimpala, @gecko9596, @gemini75eeyore, @jotink78, @dancingalone21, @winchesterprincessbride, @sandlee44, @exploratiionist, @arryn-nyx, @littledarlinhavefaithinme, @tiffanycaruso, @boredoutofmymindstuff, @feelmyroarrrr, @raeganr99, @ruprecht0420, @anokhi07, @letsgetyourdeanon, @sis-tafics, @jensen-gal, @theoneandonlysaucymo, @27bmm, @callmesatansprincess, @hbenth, @atc74, @ryansgirl5509, @mysteriouslyme82, @notnaturalanahi, @keepcalmandcarryondean, @sea040561, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @spn67-sister, @uniquewerewolfsuit, @ria132love, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @pretty-fortune, @butiaintgonnaloveem, @justanotherdeangirl, @weasleywinchester, @easelweasel, @akshi8278, @wheresthekillswitch

Tagging CBD Only: @melissaj616, @katrena7, @deansdirtyduchess, @anticipate1003, @jellersquad, @jalove-wecallhimdean, @shamelesslydean