#I include myself in this btw; I was absolutely that person back in January | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bloededhoine · 4 years ago

Note

hi! I loved the last headcanons I requested so I'm sending more, hope u don't mind and sorry if this is late and if it is not Friday for u anymore. ☾, ■ and ♡ for Morvran (coz the one u wrote is the most amazing thing) and ✿ for Ves. Thank you so much and btw I abolutely love your witcher memes

you sent this 6 november. it is currently 12 december (by time i finished it its 11 january on my god) i am so fucking sorry but here you go! also the ves one.. yes.

☾ - sleep headcanon

■ - bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

♡ - romantic headcanon

✿ - sex headcanon

list

sleep headcanon

morvran is generally a pretty light sleeper, to the point where someone walking loudly outside will wake him up

so, he takes it upon himself to be properly tired before he goes to bed so he'll sleep through the night

this is usually accomplished by riding (a horse or a diplomat? who's to say)

good god it's the third bullet point how did i already make this sexual

alright...

he totally gives me monogrammed matching pyjama set vibes

like they're a mahogany coloured silk with a little MV embroidered in cursive

ciri loves making fun of them

but he's comfy DAMNIT

he sleepwalks... and didn't think it worth mentioning until emhyr hired a witcher to deal with the palaces supposed wraith problem...and of course he didn't want the city of golden towers to have a reputation as a hotbed for monsters.... but he eventually decided he liked his status as the local ghost

he keeps a dream diary.

like most of these hcs are based on tiny details in some obscure translation, but trust me bro morvran voorhis keeps a dream diary

he plays the dapper dude game, but with enough sambuca he will absolutely tell you why journaling your dreams is the most important thing you can do

he wears slippers. i know this for a fact. they match his pyjamas and he leaves them right next to his bed every night

of course, this started with morvran's father making sure he was always prepared for a quick getaway

even after the assassination he just couldn't shake the habit. he also always stays on the ground or first floor and won't fall asleep in a room unless the windows open from the inside. precautions, you know?

great now i'm sad

bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

okay here's the thing you need to understand about morvran voorhis: he did not have any autonomy for the first 20 odd years of his life

growing up in the imperial palace doesn't leave a lot of room for individuality. sure, he had expensive toys, soft fabrics, and the nicest governesses and most intelligent tutors in the empire, but none of it was his

even after his father died, he couldn't leave because he was getting married off to some girl he'd never even met!

so, by time he had command of the alba division and, by extension, his own life, he got creative

i'm talking a tapestry of his favoured stallion that takes up an entire wall

and a custom plaque of the merchant's guild insignia on the mantle

and a hook right next to his bed to put his medallion

and his own gwent card, framed

and a map of nilfgaard he annotates himself, with markings such as "bastard who stole fire scorpion, cheats with scoia'tael deck", "pretty girl witcher", "annoying witcher", "guild army contact", "actual 25 centimetres, take portal or carriage"

and a desk he never actually uses because it's too orderly and looks too nice to mess up

should all those mismatched patriotic and egotistical things look good together? no, no they should not. but do they?? fuck to the yes! our mans knows the importance of a colour scheme!

when you first walk in his quarters, it looks kind of like most of the others in alba, except with a few extra empty coffee mugs

but he HAS THOSE MOTHERFUCKING DETAILS

i don't know why i'm so invested in this i just fucking KNOW it's true

he's a neat freak. i feel like we all knew this.

there's a designated spot for everything, and don't you dare mess up the system

also if you drip water on his rug he will 100% throw your ass out onto the street

romantic headcanon

now, i'm almost exclusively romantically attracted to women, but i would marry voorhis and not just for the money

he definitely has a huge romantic streak that he really loves indulging. buying flowers, writing love letters, all of that, he genuinely enjoys it

yes, he's a busy man, but he makes the little moments count! he definitely bugs assire for a new xenovox like every week because he breaks them so often

morvran voorhis is a massive flirt. i will not be taking questions

i told myself i wouldn't work in my voorhis used to be a sex worker hc in this, but you know what he did and that's important to him!

the flirting is definitely an issue in relationships, especially with people who didn't know him before he was a commander.

i'm not saying he's two faced, he just has very distinct business and pleasure personas that he doesn't want to mix

he also sees relationships as fairly contractual. he gave those diplomats a little of ~this~ because it helped him succeed. somewhere along the way he began to enjoy the feelings of courting someone, but it was largely because he knows you're always better at work you enjoy.

ciri has called him out on it a few times... he was not happy

how dare you ask this man to be vulnerable he is a BOTTOM

but i honestly think that if there is someone he wants, he will make himself worthy of them. voorhis is nothing if not confident and determined, and i think those are more powerful than the massive daddy issues and praise kink

he really just puts in effort and concern to all aspects of a relationship

like dates? unreal

he always starts by going to the vegelbud estate, partly because he is desperate for his peers' approval and partly because he wants to see if this lucky person is a good match

he also knows all the places around the estate where wildflowers grow. i told you he's a romantic.

sex headcanon

i'm about to be incredibly gay on main oh good god jimmy don't read this please

ves is a dom and a top. acceptable titles include Sir, Master, or Lieutenant and you better fucking use them

ves definitely gets around. i mean, just look at her. the energy is immaculate and she knows what she's doing

overstim. just... one is not enough. shaking is not enough. begging is not enough. being completely fucked out and not even able to manage any words while sobbing? that might do. (with consent!)

not that ves doesn't love to hear some begging, she definitely does. it's just not going to motivate or demotivate her to do anything, she already has it all planned out

that plan includes hearing someone beg for her strap even as she's deep enough inside them they can feel it in their belly

good god i'm really exposing all my kinks

anyways let's keep it going!

she's an amazing rigger

not just in technique, she knows exactly when to be gentle versus firm and create art out of a body and some ropes

ves bites

just grabbing a handful of hair and tilting their head back so she can leave marks on their throat... mmhm yeah

i think she fucked geralt

like yeah you can have her fuck geralt in assassins of kings but i think she just did it anyway cause she was bored and smelled a bottom

he had a very good time

ves was eh

geralt's just far more submissive than ves's usual partners. i mean, she's used to handling 5 temerian guerillas. a singular witcher isn't even a challenge

surprisingly, she's quiet. spending 80% of her day within earshot of her father figure made this more of a necessity, but she can fashion an excellent gag for any parties who aren't worried about all of temeria hear them

#the witcher #wild hunt #tw3 #assassins of kings #tw2 #ves #geralt of rivia #cirilla fiona elen riannon #morvran voorhis #the witcher headcanons #witcher headcanons #the witcher hc #mine #voorhis tag #ves tag #malamodravila #hc tag #haven't got a fucking queue

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allbeendonebefore · 4 years ago

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I was kind of under the impression that this is just a widespread thing in Alberta, especially because of the Angus Reid fractured federation survey (I cant include the link here, but you can Google it, its from January 24th 2019). When got back into Hetalia, I imagined the dynamics kinda changed to this, which would be pretty bad tbh. I hope its not that aggressive in Alberta, I will never be able to go check tho, too expensive :( I loved the bad french btw

i see you guys sending these asks super late at night and i wonder whether any of you sleep - idk where you’re writing from and i may be on the west coast but are you guys ok wherever you are? I just woke up but I have my tea and if I’m not caffeinated now I surely will be as I answer this.

I’m sure I’ve seen the survey you’re speaking of before and before I address it in any specific detail I just want to back up and re frame Why I’m Being Like This in regards to recent events and my orientation towards answering these questions in terms of Hetalia the way I do, because I think it’s the heart of how I answer.

the tldr of it is:

1. I have an opportunity to make interpretations of reality in unexpected and challenging ways, therefore widespread opinions don’t govern anything but my stupid gag comics in the simple sense that if everyone was represented by widespread opinion alone all the time, nothing would change and

2. if i can answer dozens of asks about ralph and oliver hanging out there’s absolutely no reason I can’t answer asks about ralph and jean hanging out, lol.

3. If you’d like a shorter, more concise “vision statement”, I have one on @battle-of-alberta here. (although now I notice the links don’t work on mobile so you’ll have to be on desktop for that one)

I’m assuming this will be long so cut time

(and yes, alas, the bad french is my legacy and I’m afraid it has not improved much although i swear i was an A student when i was actually taking it) (and no please don’t visit now, purely for pandemic reasons, it would be really expensive And you’d have a bad time) (and talking to me is free lmao) (I do not mean to say that you need to have feet on the ground to understand a place at all, i mean, at the moment I don’t lol)

headings because I say a lot

what even is hetalia

At the most basic level, Hetalia is a tool that can be used in a variety of ways. It can be for memorization, current politics at a glance or historical relationships in different settings. I use it for all of these things, of course, I certainly use it a lot in comics that take place in the much more distant past in @athensandspartaadventures. When I was writing that, I was in undergrad and AaSA was a tool to help me pass my exams, I didn’t think of how it might be read or interpreted by people who have lived in or experienced those places these days, or what kind of political and cultural tensions it might reveal. (Not to say that it has gotten me into sticky situations, exactly, but I am more aware of where things like that would arise now).

These days I look back on a lot of my experiences - both in IAMP/Hetalia and just as a person, and I think that if Hetalia is a tool it should be used with some awareness of intention and responsibility. Things in the fandom have changed as it became more mainstream and more well known and I think there’s a definite worry about screwing up or not representing Everything or not pleasing Everybody or not doing it Right. I have a simple, insufferably academic principle.

(That said, yes, you can still do it very wrong if you write a methodology.)

Still, it’s a comfort to me that I’m just doing the things the way I say I’m going to do them, and that is the underpinning of Inspired But Not Constrained By Hetalia. I don’t do things Himaruya’s way, I can’t do things the way IAMP would do them if it were running today because it’s not and things have changed, all I can do is do them how I would do them.

I have hurt people in the past because they sometimes couldn’t tell whether I was writing From an Albertan Perspective or not, and I’ve evoked some preeetty spicy comments over the last decade, and I realized that tone and perspective are something that really shapes how people understand and interact with my work and I’m trying to use that understanding in a conscientious way)

what even is alberta

So when you’re me and you’ve grown up in a province that is the Angriest in the country and the most Misunderstood in the country and the most Entitled in the country and nobody outside of maybe Saskatchewan has a good thing to say about you half the time and maybe you’re tired of that... you get kind of depressed thinking about how every year some kiddo comes on the internet ready to be excited about making or celebrating characters that represent themselves and No Matter Where They Go running into everyone else’s negative impressions first and foremost.

We joke about how everyone hates Toronto, though I’ve always understood it in a teasing way because I’ve never ACTUALLY met someone (outside of our current legislative assembly) who REALLY hates Toronto, but it does feel like I’ve encountered (directly or indirectly) people who do Genuinely hate Alberta and hoo boy is That a strange feeling. I mean, there’s an understanding that BC also ‘hates’ Alberta but half the people in BC are originally from Alberta so it’s a, uh, different feeling.

The story of Alberta from everywhere else is always the story of that Angus Reid article and the memes and comments and listicles that spin out around mainstream media. Alberta is giving too much. Alberta is getting too little. Alberta is too stupid to understand that equalization payments are a good thing actually, and Alberta is too dumb to understand you don’t really need EI if you make enough money in six months to own a house and multiple vehicles Just Because you own a house and multiple vehicles. Alberta is destroying the environment for everybody. Alberta has a huge concentration of white supremacists. Alberta is the Texas of Canada* and has the conservative streak and bible belt to match. Alberta should get annexed by the US. Oh, but Banff! We like Banff, though.

And like I said, politicians use these widespread feelings to stir up the sentiments of people who can’t afford to travel, people who are naturally suspicious of mainstream news, people who have barely even left their hometowns let alone the province and have no other means of validating what they hear, but people who’s emotions are genuinely tied to real feelings of alienation that really exist and HAVE existed for generations. And when the so-called “laurentian elites” in ontario and quebec make fun of them for being uneducated red necks, well, you hit a wasps nest and expected what, exactly?

what even am i doing

And like I’m faced with this question every day I decide to pick up my stylus and badger you all with unsolicited comics: do I want this to continue? Do I want to wear the mask that fits? Do I want to stand aside and say #notallalbertans #notlikeotheralbertans and stand over here on the island** patting myself on the back for not? being? there? Do I say yes, you’re right, and stand aside and watch loud mouth white supremacists co-opt wexiters and let them lead the perception of the province I grew up in just because that is what’s currently happening? Do I acknowledge the widespread sentiment and then pick apart every other province to say Well Actually You’re Equally Problematic Hypocrites, So There?

Obviously I’ve been saying no for a while. I’m perfectly happy to acknowledge the reality and when I draw stupid gag comics like this or this you can tell (hopefully) from my style that it’s tongue and cheek. When I draw less stupid not-gag comics like this or this I am trying to explore the Real Sentiments in a way that doesn’t completely polarize the issue and spin it out of control. I’m more of the opinion that even though Current Sentiments do get in the way that as personifications they 1. have some perspective and as people they 2. have some interest in not throwing out a friendship that was a struggle to build up every time the polls change or some new radical party seizes power. I do a lot of research and I want that to be reflected in my understanding of each characters deep seated beliefs and motivations, but I don’t want to let either the history or the current realities dictate the future if I am going to try to do that myself.

why even am i doing it for

So like really the heart of the matter is: I am writing what I write for my thirteen year old self. She was the me who moved back to Canada from the United States, who’s first introduction to living there was a hellish surge of nationalism after September 11th. Who’s defense against that was to hide behind a shield of Canada is Better, Actually and who returned to Alberta during the boom years to realize that, oh wait, the rest of the country thinks we’re assholes just like they think the United States is. Who spent her teenage years learning that, boom or bust, the widespread sentiment in and out of the province is just as narrow, shortsighted, self interested, and stubborn as her own fiction of What Canada Was Supposed to be Like. Who learned that propping up that image at the expense of her friendships was not worth it, that propping up that image at the expense of people who are suffering and dying under that image is not worth it. Who found herself rehashing the same sort of gut reaction defensiveness online because the Guilt and Apologizing on behalf of her province compared to others felt Really Heavy for a kid who didn’t have any clue what to do about it and was just there to have fun and learn some stuff.

So I’m writing for anyone else who finds themselves exhausted and saddened by coming online and seeing that the only way that people can imagine Alberta is as an antagonist. I’d like to challenge everyone to start to imagine it better. It’s my little “escape” from reality, and for me it’s much easier to talk to people here where the stakes aren’t as high and the grievances a little less personal.

I’m also writing (in a more secondary way) for everyone who’s ever looked at alberta from afar and wondered What is going On inside your Head and is it always This

(no comment at this time)

as always, I’m here to explain At The Very Least what goes on in My head because at the end of the day, that’s all I can do. And though there are some things that make me angry and emotional, I’m happy to explain why. Happy to answer asks or chat on discord or whatever, any time I have the time. :)

footnotes

*This is just a footnote to say something I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of my comments, but this is an annoyance that me and my Texas Tomodachi share lol

**You’ll notice angry Albertans online have a favourite tactic, and that’s pointing out hypocrisy. They can justify A N y T h I n G by calling another province a hypocrite “so there” (i.e. BC can’t claim to be environmentally conscious because of Victoria’s sewage problem or Site C) - and while I am interested in shattering the image of Alberta vs. the Perfect Rest of Canada a little bit, I feel like it’s a very lazy argument that is used to deflect and not to help. I think it is more useful to unpack the sentiment of Why Alberta Still Feels Taken Advantage of rather than mudslinging, and when the mud starts flying no one seems interested in addressing problems anymore.

#hapo rambles #hapo replies #hapo rants #yeah y yeah alberta #projectcanada #iammatthewian #pc: alberta #iamp: alberta #Anonymous #will i actually directly address the survey #maybe later but i have other stuff to do #you can remind me

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milatherese · 4 years ago

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Update No. 5 (*cue Mambo No. 5*) – 90 Days, School, Discernment (just a lil bit)

Note #1: This update is long. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Note #2: If you don’t know Mambo No. 5, you need to listen to it (even though the lyrics may be morally wrong, it is quite catchy).

“How was the 90 day journey of a tiny bit of asceticism?” you ask. (nobody cares but I’m pretending you do haha)

That’s a question I still ask myself several days later. 90 days is a lot to process. Therefore, I have included my short answer to this question here: – It was a bit hard in the beginning but got easier as the days went by – I especially enjoyed the no social media / limited communication – I hated cold showers, actually gave it up by the end of the first month or so because it did more harm than good (imo)

The beginning was a little rough, but about as good as sacrifice gets. (you can read my thoughts on that here, here, and here) About a month in, I couldn’t cope, at least physically. I ended up just doing what I felt I was strong enough to do.

January was a little rough. Ever since school started, I had headaches every day (including non-school days). (If you’re wondering why I never shared this with you and why I hid my pain, it was because I didn’t want you to worry.)

At first the headaches were tolerable. I could get through a 12-hour day with minimal pain. They got increasingly worse. I began taking Tylenol according to the recommended dosage (1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours). I didn’t take Tylenol every other day (I try to avoid medicine, if possible) but I eventually “graduated” to taking the extra strength Tylenol, also according to the recommended dosage. Eventually, the headaches began to impact my studying. I had limited time to study (I had to time my studying during the lesser painful waves of my headaches). I was so worried for one class that I spent all my time studying for that one class during lecture of another difficult class (I figured I could bring up my grade in the second class later). Despite my high of level of unpreparedness, I was looking forward to taking the exams for both classes. I thought my headaches were the result of stressing over those two classes. Unfortunately, taking the exams for those classes didn’t end the headaches. In fact, they may have increased the pain.

My headaches soon became unbearable. I couldn’t hide the pain any longer. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t eat out of fear that I would only make the pain worse. I was in tears from the pain. Massaging my head and using an ice pack didn’t reduce the pain. I wanted to rip my head off to get rid of the pain once and for all.

At this time, I decided it was time to begin thinking about seeing the doctor about this. (Yes, I should have already gone to the doctor but my pain isn’t really a concern to me.) I decided that I would go to the doctor if the headaches persist for another week.

The pain was at its absolute worst one Saturday. I had to call in sick for work (we had an event – which I was really looking forward to, btw). I spent the day crying from the pain (at this point, my body wasn’t really responding to Tylenol). Finally, the physical pain began to affect my mental health. I was trying to figure out the root cause of the pain. I began questioning all my decisions – transferring high schools, transferring universities, not applying to a certain community, leaving relationships, etc. I was wondering if this was some sort of a punishment for making the “wrong” decision (which I later learned is no such thing, more on this another day). I felt so lost and alone. I was wondering if this was a taste of what Mother St. Teresa described as a “long dark night.” (I referenced this before in my last update but I just can’t get her long dark night out of my head.) I eventually cried myself to sleep and slept the rest of the day until 2am the next day.

When I woke, I noticed the pain had disappeared and, with it, the emotional rollercoaster I was going through earlier. I was able to get some rest from the physical and emotional pain and my mind was finally functioning as it normally would – quiet and able to think logically. It was clear that my pain was not for torment but for me to focus on something more important than the pain itself. I decided to pray the Rosary for it had been several weeks since I had been able to pray the Rosary without distractions (I would either fall asleep or be distracted by the headache or my studies). I prayed God would help me discern what He wanted me to tend to. I felt that I should prayerfully consider my career path now that I was away from outside influences.

I began reflecting on my semester thus far. There was one day that my mom visited campus and overheard some girls complimenting and encouraging each other. She told me, “I want you to be in whatever major they’re in. They seem happy. You don’t.” At the time, I was too stubborn to see that my happiness was just a mask I put on to “be strong.” I remembered writing pre-labs and post-labs but barely understanding the material, only understanding the grammar necessary to produce acceptable scholarly work. I recalled being so stressed that I was rude to the whole world (except for work) to the point that my mom exclaimed, “Who are you? You’re not human anymore!” She was right – I wasn’t myself. That woke me up. I thought, “What good is my major if it only brings out the worst in me?” In prayer, felt called to pursue another career instead of MD/DO. I still don’t know what career exactly, but I’m trusting that my time studying and preparing for MD/DO will help me in my calling.

That Sunday, I informed my parents and one trusted relative of my decision to change majors and they were overjoyed. (My uncle seemed to have already known in the beginning that I would leave the MD/DO path, but wanted me to come to that decision myself.)

So, I changed majors back to Allied Health, B.S.

I met with my academic advisor (not the one who screwed me over, for any of those who know the story) and we came up with a school plan. Estimated graduation date was Fall 2021.

I dealt with this change as best I could and things were on the up and up…until it wasn’t.

Early February, I learned that a close priest friend had passed away, just 3 days shy of his birthday. I had been looking forward to his birthday (not that I would be with celebrating with him, just happy he would be celebrating another year) so hearing the news was devastating. He was like an uncle to me. To quote what I said at a memorial, he was “a great friend, a big brother, a father figure, a very holy man, a man for others.” (There’s so much I can say on him but I’ll leave that for another post) The first day, I seemed okay. Minimal feelings of sadness. It hadn’t hit me yet. It hit me the very next day. And it hit hard and long. I was crying everywhere I went whenever I was away from family and friends. Some days were harder than others (my supervisor sent me home early to give me time to grieve). I was going through so many emotions. I was frustrated that I was taking so long to grieve (I later learned that grief has no time limit) and annoyed that I did not feel comfortable talking to my family or friends about it. I had faced loss before (when Bro. Morgan passed away), but never anything as devastating as this. I did not know how to cope with grief. I struggled to stay focused during class (actually broke down in tears at least during one class each day) and to finish my work (skipped out on a staff meeting due to waterworks). I cancelled a couple meetings and called in sick to group therapy twice. I distanced myself from the world and those who love[d] me. Unfortunately, all this affected my studies once again. Despite my lighter load, I could not concentrate. I did not think of sharing all this with my professors as I felt like they wouldn’t understand (or maybe I was just being stubborn again?)

It came time for RECongress and I held it together (somewhat…more on that on another post). It was that Friday that I was able to study without getting distracted by grief. I had an exam the following Monday. But one day of studying 3+ weeks of material was not enough to pass the exam. So there went that.

February went by with each day bleeding into the next. Each day was a blur until one blessed night.

My brother had arrived home late from school one day and as he was pulling into our driveway (why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways) a beautiful dog approached him. I won’t go into details but the dog is now ours and has been the biggest blessing this semester, especially in helping our family cope with grief. We believe (as do others) that Father Suarez sent her to us.

Come March and April, things were finally on the up and up again. I was studying every day and keeping up with work. But then quarantine hit and things went downhill yet again. I did become more active on this blog since March 16th but inside I was deteriorating. However, it wasn’t as detrimental as January and February. Let’s just say that I learned the house is not conducive to studying, I may need a new prescription for glasses, and we need to find better internet (or move to a place with better cell signal). I failed a final due to failed internet connection (thanks be to God I got another shot at it). I took my two other finals in the car in the parking lot in front of Starbucks.

Quarantine has been the best and the worst for me. I realized that spiritually, I was thirsty. Thirsty for God. I live-streamed Mass and adoration daily and at odd hours, even doing homework and studying “with God.” The more things I had to do, the more I felt the need to “hang” with God (which, in retrospect, may have been a bad decision because I ended up procrastinating and losing a lot of sleep). I learned to value receiving the sacraments in-person now. I’m more aware of when I sin or am near sin. It has also reignited the flame of faith. I’ve been doing a lot more spiritual reading, especially now that APU semester is over (still have one class at a JC).

Despite this, discernment got a bit murky. I began questioning my vocation and doing a lot more “reality checks” (and a lot more second-guessing). Frankly, I don’t think I would survive living in a community of all women since all my close friends are men. (Or is that an excuse I am making for myself?) I don’t think I would make a great mother either so perhaps I’m meant to be single? (Or am I just a harsh critic of myself and I would actually be a great mother?) I had not really spoken to my spiritual director in months (transportation and schedule issues, both on my part).

A priest I met at RECongress learned I was discerning religious life (if you didn’t know this, I hope this isn’t a surprise) and asked me to email him as soon as possible in case I need guidance. I didn’t email him until April 1st so that may have contributed to my overthinking. He replied a couple weeks later (and I replied a couple days after that and am still awaiting a response). I asked God for “another sign, for some clarity” and He gave me another. However, everything still looks murky to me. I feel both consolation and desolation at the same time. I might be facing another identity crisis like last semester. Aye.

Ok this is way longer than I had planned so I’m just gonna stop right here.

If you read this far, thank you for reading. If you relate to anything I shared, I hope you know that you’re not alone and that if you ever need anything (even if it’s just a listening ear), I’ll do my best to help. Just ask. (And if you need something but I haven’t replied in a long time, just reach out again. I forget to reply to messages quite often.)

#milamusings

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elitemeowmix · 5 years ago

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Medical rant ahead because the “headache department” at my hospital is an absolute headache, an essay by Me

So I’ve been getting injections for daily migraines, and they’ve had some not great side effects:

godawful neuropathy/sensory issues. If I wear certain pieces of clothing/come into contact with certain fabrics, it feels like my body is on fire/itching/just generally painful (and sometimes it even occurs when I’m not wearing anything, so that’s fun). I’ve experienced this before because of my fibromyalgia, but never this frequently (it’s daily) and never at this severity (it’s absolutely intolerable, I feel like I need to peel off my skin). So, understandably, my wardrobe has been dramatically reduced because most of my clothes (including all of my socks, except fuzzy bedtime socks, which is A Look™ in public lol) are having this effect. One way it’s impacting me is that I can’t wear any gloves, and it’s about to be winter which means it’s hella cold out already, and my hands lose a lot of mobility in the cold so I use gloves at warmer temperatures than most people (yay fibromyalgia). I’ve also become sensitive to my sheets/towels/blankets so that’s fun and not inconvenient at all *sarcasm*

I’ve also had a completely nonexistent libido. Which, like, okay theoretically isn’t the worst side effect in the world. But (without going into all the details) this is very unusual for me -- I’ve literally never lost my sex drive no matter how stressed/depressed I’ve been, and only one oral birth control has ever even dampened my libido. I’ve never had it be nonexistent. Ever since I went through puberty, it’s been sky high and super distracting (e.g. an orgasm away keeps the distraction at bay). So needless to say, I’m not feeling like myself at all, because I’ve known and dealt with my high-libido self since I was in 5th grade. At first I thought this was due to a recent breakup, but it’s persisted way longer than I would have expected and at a severity that I’ve never experienced from any kind of stressful live event ever. So it seems likely to be caused by the injections because A) the timeline matches up really well and B) it would be super unusual for my birth control to out of the blue randomly cause these symptoms, since I’ve been on this one for about a year and a half now and have never experienced this side effect.

I also get these weird stomach cramps that are worst during the first week after I get the injection, so I know it’s definitely connected. I probably wouldn’t mind if that were the only issue with the injections, because I could probably just suck it up and deal.

although the injections have reduced the severity of my daily migraines, the beneficial effects have worn off increasingly sooner with each dose. After only a handful of injections, this current dose lasted only two weeks before I was back to my baseline. So it’s not like it’s eliminating my migraines, and now it’s not even working as long as it should.

SO. I did the logical thing and messaged my neurologist explaining all of the above, with some more detail here and there. And her response to me was:

the pain/sensory stuff if probably just an allergic reaction. (That was literally the extent of her response on this. Just one single sentence. Which is concerning for a number of reasons, the foremost being that if this were indeed an allergic reaction, shouldn’t you be telling your patient how to manage it?! Like “hey take some benadryl” or “stop the injections immediately” but apparently the welfare of her patients isn’t a concern to her I guess?)

the decreased sex drive isn’t related

GI issues aren’t uncommon

Let’s maybe schedule an appointment to talk about whether or not you should continue these injections

I was a little peeved because I felt like she’d just brushed off my concerns (she didn’t even address the fact that my quality of life was being compromised but nbd I guess), and I felt like she wasn’t listening to me. But I figured she was just busy and wanted to get me an answer sooner, even if it was brusque. So this was my response:

The sensory stuff could definitely be an allergic reaction, but it seems more likely to be an amplified version of what I was already experiencing with my fibromyalgia considering that I literally already experience that symptom. Regardless, it’s causing an unsustainable way of life, so this needs to change @soon because I’m starting to get desperate, and I’m usually a pretty patient person about crappy side effects

Hi hello so I spoke on the phone with my Ob/Gyn, and based on my medical history and the evidence at hand (e.g. the timeline), we believe that this nonexistent libido is most likely caused by the injection. Just to give you an update.

(stopped talking about it because meh)

So I got a text reminder asking me to confirm the shipment of my next injection. Should I cancel it? Or should I stay on it until my next appointment?

And, kids, this is where fit hit the shan, let me tell you. Because her response. God, I can’t. The audacity. This is what she decided was an appropriate response for a CARE provider to give:

(NO acknowledgement about the quality of life/issues caused by the sensory issues. No compassion at all)

DIRECT QUOTE: “there is no evidence in all the studies that have been done, [sic] that shows [injection name] causes decreased libido”

(skipping the GI issues again)

Are the injections helping your migraines? (I LITERALLY ANSWERED THAT IN THE FIRST MESSAGE) Because my recommendation is to stay on them until our appointment in January, and at that time we can see if a change in medications would be beneficial.

There was a point in my life where a physician’s blatant disregard of my concerns would’ve hurt, but I’m apparently past that point. I’m just angry. Like what do you mean, “IF a change in medications would beneficial”?! Did you not read all the ways that this is impacting me? Did you not read the part where I need something to change soon because this neuropathic pain is making me lose my mind? Also, where the FORK is your compassion?? A patient is having really crappy side effects, and your best answer is “see you in January”? REALLY?! I would honestly cry if I weren’t so mad.

Also WTF was with “there’s no evidence about” your symptom that you’ve report. SO passive aggressive wtf. Like bitch do you really think my body gives a flying fuck about whether or not this symptom has been “established” as an Official Symptom of this (relatively new, btw) medication? Because the last time I checked, my body does whatever it damn well pleases and doesn’t read the literature on what it’s “supposed” to do. I’ve had side effects from medications that less than 1% of patients on those medications experience -- and if you actually bothered to read my patient file, MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT. Also, chronically ill bodies are often complicated?? That’s not a surprise to anyone, especially for illnesses that we don’t know a lot about, like fibromyalgia, which I have??? And NEWSFLASH EINSTEIN, individuals are *gasp* individual and - guess what - can have individual reactions to things! What a WILD concept! It’s almost like everyone has a unique genetic sequence. OH WAIT.

And what really gets my goat is the fact that this is the first time she’s just blatantly ignored me/my patient history/my concerns. At the very first visit, I told her that I had chronic fatigue. We moved on to other topics and didn’t talk about the fatigue again. But what did I see in the after-visit notes? She literally wrote “fatigue appears to be from [Medication X].” Well guess what JACKASS. If you had BOTHERED to ask me if that were true/if I’d noticed a connection, I would’ve said absolutely no way in hell, because I started Medication X in May and I’ve been experiencing this bone-tired fatigue for YEARS (yes, years plural). But guess what, even if you didn’t ask me that, you could’ve easily seen it in my patient profile!! But apparently you’re an all-knowing God who is Always Right All the Time so who needs to ask patients questions or check patient histories!!

I cannot stand doctors with God complexes. I have 0% tolerance for that. I can’t handle these doctors who think that their MD somehow makes them Better Than You, and obviously they’re always the one who is correct, not you, because they’re the one with the degree so obviously your lived experiences are Just Plain Wrong.

If you are THAT arrogant and THAT uncompassioante (not a word but whatever), you should NOT be in a position where you’re dealing with patients’ wellbeing. That’s not okay. But of course, as long as we live in a society that sees becoming a doctor as prestigious/a money-maker, there are going to keep being doctors like this. And I wish someone would just take them down a notch, because, dear god, would it kill them to actually listen to and take care of their patients???

Anywho. That was LONG.

I hope to god no one read this entire thing, because if so, I apologize for that experience but also wow that’s serious dedication to this post (idk if I’d even read this whole thing lol). I just needed to rant this entire thing and this is apparently my virtual diary. And also having this all written down is going to be helpful for when my memory (inevitably) fails to remember all of these details

#tw asshole doctors #tw medical #so frustrated I could scream #like why are you even a doctor if you don't care about your patients #that shouldn't be a thing and yet here we are #growl #hiss #migraine injections #bad doctors #personal stuff #sorry for the rant

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saigebeaumontt · 6 years ago

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( danielle rose russell, cisfemale, she/her ) I, FREYA KAVINSKY am a SCHOLARSHIP student and would hereby like to submit my application to Kingswood Boarding School. I am SEVENTEEN years old and will be a JUNIOR. I would describe myself as HEARTFELT and EAGER, but also UNINHIBITED and PIGHEADED which I plan to work on during my time here. This is my request to join the VICTORIA building as a house MEMBER and look forward to hearing back from you.

im trash ik but here’s a brand new baby to play w!! her pinterest can be found HERE pls ignore the photos of crystal reed, that’s freya’s original fc sdfghj

tw; death, drug/alcohol abuse? w/ implications of self destruction

so first thing’s first, freya was born n raised in chicago alongside her father and her older sister

her mother had died during freya’s birth--though freya doesn’t...blame herself, necessarily, there are days where she imagines what life would’ve been like if her mother was still alive

her dad’s a mechanic and the sole provider for their household, which meant that he was gone more often than not

regardless, he tried to be as active as possible in his children’s lives

her sister always took up the role of..well, mother, in a sense

freya and her are incredibly close b/c of this

even so--her father had wanted them to be as active as possible, as out of the house as he was--so it didn’t seem like he was gone as much as he was

so, with a few strings pulled and familial connections, freya was able to attend ballet lessons at a young age, alongside an instrument of her choosing, at a discounted price

she chose violin btw...very relevant

and like, to everybody’s surprise--she sort of excelled at both--it almost came naturally, though that didn’t mean she hadn’t put in a buncha effort regardless, y’know

practice makes perfect, yadda yadda

took up a few more instruments for fun, such as piano and like...i dunno, guitar of various forms (including bass guitar) though she likes violin the best

that led to her attending a p prestigious performing arts high school in her city--which wasn’t done by pulling strings

her father worked even more shifts, her sister got a job to help pitch in, they took out loans, yadda yadda. anything they could do so she could pursue this...dream

except...ballet and violin has never been freya’s dream--its just something she happens to be good at

everybody just...assumed, that since she was so talented, she had to want to pursue it

not the case at all, really. she loves it, really, but...her passion has always surrounded animals

specifically marine animals, which is odd considering freya had never seen the ocean before

really...marine anything, she loves. maybe it’s because its something she hasn’t experienced , but ykno

ANYWAYS

she felt sort of...stuck, b/c she never wanted to disappoint her dad or her sister or any of their family friends who were all rootin’ for her

this led to some...rebellion, of sorts, when she was a freshmen

nothing...BAD, per say, but y’know. baseball bats to mailboxes whilst hanging out of the window of a pick-up truck, vandalizing abandoned buildings and historical monuments, shoplifting from convenience stores.

okay so like...a little bad

that was just the crowd she found herself in, y’know, in her teenage angst

has definitely been arrested a few times, but has always managed to get off scotch free ??

it’s luck, im telling u. she only has like..three things on her record rn

ALSO learned how to ride a motorcycle and was in a punk band based in her school n did bass for it, ‘cos that’s what rebellious teenagers do n whatever

and this, well, y’know. did disappoint her father and her sister and all their family friends but at this point freya was like ?? i can’t stop

her boyfriend at the time was a major contributor to her troublemaking tbh

when he transferred to kingswood, freya’s lil 15 yr old heart was broken.

spent her entire sophomore yr working her ass off and getting her shit together so that kingswood would look at her, and pick her, too--

and like...it finally paid off, y’know? her junior year they’d graciously given her a scholarship based off of her music AND academics

so she was absolutely thrilled

granted, she was only able to start attending halfway thru her junior year, at the beginning of the second semester...but she was there, at least, right?

very ecstatic to find her boyfriend and surprise him

they’d been doing long distance, and he had no idea that she had gotten in

found out his dorm number, walked right up to his door--knocked, and he answered with his shirt off n a number of hickeys on his chest

it was a surprise for both of them lmao

obv. freya is not stupid, if not a lil blinded by love at the time. they broke up, she was heartbroken

sorta shut herself in for a few months ‘cos she was so sad abt it

so it’s kinda like she’s still new, tho it’s been a few months since january

but she’s BACK and she’s POPPIN’ and she acts like it still doesn’t bother her !

but like...it does. it rly does. she’s still mcfreakin’ hurt abt it, she’s just handling it in another way

aka, a lil bit of partying...a lil bit of drinking, casual drug use, hooking up, etc. etc. just bein that bitch, y’know?

ANYWAYS

has always had a lil bit of a tomboy aesthetic ?? despite being a freakin’ ballerina, it just not her aesthetic man

constantly wearin’ dark colors n reds and leather jackets n denim on denim n cuffin’ her pants n whatnot

even brought her motorcycle 2 school w/ her

EXCELS at science, wants to become a marine biologist or smth when she’s older

just...hasn’t told anybody that

DON’T B FOOLED BY HER APPEARANCE THO

she’s not some antisocial punk, okay, she’s not anna

very humble but not in a way where u have to be like ‘ugh u have talent u idiot’ , she just doesn’t like bragging about it ?

even tho her ex is an idiot she’s still glad to be there bc of how prestigious kingswood is

kinda tries 2 befriend as many ppl as possible ?? she isn’t a people pleaser, though, n it’s sort of like...u get what u get, w/ her

she doesn’t act as if she’s got a whole separate life or nothin’, she balances both her rebellious nature and her talents n w/e

fun fact her mother was a leader of elizabeth but like...does she know? no. does it matter? only to ppl like lilah smh

ANYWAYS AGAIN

i’d consider her like....a gryffindor, to sum up her personality ??

very brave, fearless, can be stupidly reckless. gets herself into trouble even now

prolly is a lil bit of a hoe but we love that for her, okay ??

but also ?? will die for her pals ?? n is very true to herself ??

we call her accidentally messy

neutral good tbh ?? very wholesome person

will take care of u if ur sick, is v protective of those she loves

also doesn’t rly....believe in love rn, or is at least very over the concept.

girl next door ?? i dunno

sometimes...she does these bad things...’cos she thinks she deserves it, in a way?

like she’ll drink too much n get a real bad hangover or do a drug when she knows she’ll have a bad trip

so she’s got a lil bit of self loathing

however she knows it’s a problem

she’s just...not willing 2 do much abt it rn

living her best life lmao

ambivert, will go to parties but will also sit in w/ a book gladly

can b v v stubborn, is in debate b/c she loves...to argue, sometimes sksk

m8 i dunno she’s got layers..like an onion

wanted connections

her...ex would be nice, however it’s prolly better suited to send in as a WC unless there’s a dude from chicago out here whose made the mistake of cheatin’

HOWEVER, i would love pals !! friends of any sort !! she’s friendly !! like her !!

ride or die!

unlikely pals!

good influences!

bad influences!

she’s in a band w/ ezra im p sure

i ALSO would like hook ups!

accidental hookups!

casual hookups!

fwbs ?!?

Bad. hookups!

she’s probably accidentally hooked up w/ somebody’s partner so

enemies ! for w/e reason !

rivals!

frenemies!

fake friends !?

everything!

gimme everything !!

#kings:intro #like this n i'll come plot w/ u!!#this is saige's old blog im not changin' shit except her name n icon but i'll...get to it eventually

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pockets-of-peace · 7 years ago

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I have had it with my mother in law

(I did not realize how long this was going to be until after I was done. Hence the read-more. Sorry guys, this one really is a novel. I had stuff to work though.)

I have two stories that are unrelated situations about the same thing.

About two weeks ago R and I had a huge fight about this:

Last February during the drive home from the airport, after our flight home from going to SD for his grandfather’s funeral R says to me, “Mom wants me to come up for my 40th birthday so she can throw a big party for me.” (his 40th is 8/2019 so a little over two years at that point) to which my response was “Well... you should probably tell your mom that she needs to start talking to me about planning that.” He didn’t tell her, and she hasn’t said anything to me.

Flash forward to two weeks ago he brought it up again. Something about one of his bosses is taking his birthday week off next year which made him think he probably wouldn’t be able to take that week off too like his mother wanted. And I exploded.

YOUR MOTHER HASN’T SAID ONE FUCKING WORD TO ME ABOUT A BIRTHDAY PARTY! FOR THAT FACT, NEITHER HAVE YOU!! AM I - YOUR WIFE - TO BE EXCLUDED IN THE PLANNING OF A MILESTONE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR YOU??? ARE LIAM AND I EVEN INCLUDED IN THIS TRIP OR IS IT JUST FOR YOU?? AND HOW THE FLYING FUCK DO YOU PLAN ON PAYING FOR THAT ANYWAY?????

Probably not the best route to go because it immediately put him on the defensive. But no one’s ever accused me of being tactful when I’m angry. He’s a dreamer, and I am a planner. He comes up with the ideas and it’s left to me to plan the shit. But when I try to sit down and have a logical discussion about planning a visit with his parents he always immediately goes on the defensive. Like I don’t want it to happen. Like I’m trying to keep it from happening.

It was .... a pretty ugly fight. But the gist of it was he and his mother want this party, and even though I haven’t been included in discussing it, I’ll be the one to figure out how the fuck to get us there, and how does he think that makes ME feel when he flat out refused to go to any effort at all to do something for our anniversary? But I better hop to because she wants us to make a trip up there!! Oh, and remember when you turned 30 R?? Remember how I wanted to do something nice for you? Make a really nice supper, and go do something fun?? Remember how you flat out told me no and refused to even so much as take the night off of work??? REMEMBER THAT?!?!? ...... He hadn’t remembered, but I clearly saw the shame in his eyes when I made him remember it.

After we’d gone to separate corners and calmed down, he came back to talk it over after a while and said it he doesn’t mean to go on the defensive when I try to talk facts about planning a trip, but it makes him feel like I don’t care. And I was brutally honest with him this time.

I don’t care anymore.

Maybe I’d care if she’d bother to include me in plans like this instead of what feels to me, purposely excluding me

Maybe I’d care if I were included in forming the plans when they want to visit since I am the one opening my home to them. But I’m not. I’m ignored. In my own home.

Maybe I’d care if they didn’t insist on visiting during our absolute WORST financial times

Maybe I’d care if their visits didn’t habitially leave us in debt

Maybe I’d care if they hadn’t flat out lied to us to get us up there for that funeral, which yet again, put us on the financial spot

Maybe I’d care if either of them ever even pretended to like me, even for just a day. But they don’t. Neither of them speak to me unless I’m in the same room because to ignore me then would be obviously rude

Maybe I’d care if she didn’t purposely do things like this that put you in the middle and force you to chose between her and me because if we’re all being honest adults here, that’s what hurts me the most, watching her do that to you.

Nothing was really solved that night, but at least we didn’t go to bed not speaking.

Flash forward to tonight.

She called at 11:07 last night. It’s not the first time she’s done this, and it bothers me when she calls that late. I didn’t care when he was just getting home at 11 or 12 at night, if they called that late. Whatever. But he’s home by 4 pm, five days a week now! There is no reason to be calling after 10 pm unless it’s an emergency. But I can’t say that.

(btw she does that because she can’t be bothered to remember something so simple as that there is a 2 hour time difference between them and us)

Amazingly, he did not answer the phone. He just said, “It’s too damn late, I’ll call her tomorrow.”

Which he did. I wasn’t in the room during their conversation, but much later, when the night was winding down he says to me:

“Mom asked me about some of the stuff you’ve been posting about on Facebook.”

“Oh really? What stuff?”

“Well, she wants to know what group you keep talking about in reference to Autiusm, and when I explained it to her she wanted to know why you were in them.”

I scrolled all the way back to January on my Facebook page, I haven’t mentioned the Asperger’s group I’m in once since at least January 1st. I didn’t scroll further than that. I did find this:

You see that date? A solid month ago. She asked him about this one too, and he had to explain to her how often parents in that group post about a fresh diagnosis and that they’re mourning a loss like it’s the end of the goddamn world that their child has Asperger's, a very high functioning part of the Autism spectrum, and how very much that bothers me emotionally.

Then he goes:

“And then she wanted to know about the Easter post.” ....he’s talking about this:

And I’m like “What’s to explain? She knows we don’t celebrate Easter.” He got this pained look on his face and I was like “Look, she can live in her own delusion that you’ll eventually go back to the Catholic church all she likes, but I live in reality, and in reality, we aren’t Christian and don’t celebrate Easter, and neither one of us seems to give a single fuck about it.”

He changed the topic.

“Well, then she asked me about that thing you posted yesterday.” This:

“What about it?”

“She thought you were talking about my family.”

“She thought I was talking about her and your dad??”

“......yeah...”

I took a minute to look the status up and read it to him. Then I looked at him “Why the fuck would she think that’s about her??? That is CLEARLY an emotional post about my relationship with MY MOTHER!!!”

“I know... and I told her that.”

*silence for a moment*

*he starts to squirm a bit*

“R, she needs to stop going on the goddamn defensive every single time I mention family. IT’S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT HER!!! She also needs to stop getting defensive when I talk about autism, or mental health. And you know, she could have commented on any one of those statuses asking me to explain what I meant and I would have. But she didn’t. BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER REFUSES TO SPEAK TO ME UNLESS SHE’S ABSOLUTELY FORCED TO AND I FOR ONE AM FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!”

His looked at bit shocked that that had triggered me to yell, and he changed the topic completely.

I don’t get it. I just don’t understand it. I’m tired of trying to understand it. I’ve thought myself in circles about this shit so many times over the years.

Maybe she resents me because he stayed down here, got serious with me, and started to put down roots instead of moving home? I don’t know, but I suspect that.

She doesn’t understand and resents my health issues.

She resents that I stayed home with Liam when he was little before school was an option. We were so broke, but we also didn’t have anyone to watch him, couldn’t afford childcare, and R worked nights. And we only had one car, I had to work around his schedule. We didn’t think that the very limited hours I could work would bring enough money to make it worth it. That was a decision we both came to. She ignores that and blames me.

She bad mouths me to everyone up there. She’s never done so to my face, but I’ve always suspected it because everyone is always so surprised at how I act, and my personality when they meet me. Why the surprise if they didn’t already have a preconceived impression of me? This past trip I had proof she’s doing it and passed that little nugget along to R.

She absolutely HATES it when I mention anything about R having ADHD, even though he’s been diagnosed and CLEARLY exhibits a whole host symptoms to anyone who knows him. She firmly believes that there’s nothing wrong with him as if I’m implying that there’s something wrong with him for having that.

I truly do think that she’s one of those moms that no matter how prefect her son’s spouse is, she wouldn’t like them on principal.

I just don’t know. Tonight I got to wondering .... I’ve always made myself scarce when he calls them because with his ADHD he’s so very distractable. He doesn’t get to see them often and misses them so much. Phone calls and skype calls are their primary outlet to keep in touch. So I give them privacy. And it allows them to better talk to Liam who is also both a huge distraction, and very distractable. ..... And also lately because her favorite topic is politics. She’s a huge Trumpette and I just can’t. For the sake of my temper not boiling over, I make myself scarce.

I’m wondering if that consideration has instead bitten me on the ass. Has she taken that as I don’t want anything to do with them when nothing could be further from the truth?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

What I do know is that I am 110% done with her shit, and that I will be taking steps to close myself, and whatever I post on Facebook, off from her. We have been together for over thirteen years and if you still can’t even attempt to talk to me unless forced to I just don’t see a reason to continue allowing you space in my life. ..... Too bad I’m the only one that ever posts pictures of Liam.

Not seeing the grandbaby ..... that’s going to suck.

#life in general

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witwerlove · 7 years ago

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#RememberingRebels

Since the Star Wars Rebels season finale is tonight and I’ve been feeling SUPER nostalgic all week, I figured I’d take a trip down memory lane and reminisce on Sam’s involvement in the show.

This is under a cut because it’s REALLY long and overly detailed. I might have gotten carried away. It includes a collection of my own personal thoughts, opinions, experiences, tweets, and anything else related to Sam and Rebels that seemed appropriate that happened over the past FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE. It’s amazing how much happened. I didn’t do this for anyone but myself. It serves as a reminder and a look back at all the wonderful experiences I’ve had because of this show and my love for Sam.

Here come the feels.

AND I MEAN

ALL

THE.

FEELS.

First off, I LOVE Rebels. Not as much or as deep as I love Clone Wars, but it definitely has a place in my heart. Ever since TCW “ended” (without any real closure) and it was announced that the new animated series was called Star Wars Rebels, I’d been hoping that Sam would be cast in it in some way. I feel like that was just as important as it being Star Wars. By then he’d cemented his place in Star Wars and in Dave’s agenda, so I inevitably knew it was going to happen. But it really surprised me with what happened vs what I wanted to happen. Because I’m sure if I asked 2014 me now if she wanted or expected Maul to be in this show, she’d laugh and be like hell no. Probably how much of the world was in 1999 when Maul died and then George and Dave were like BITCH YOU THOUGHT! HE’S ACTUALLY NOT DEAD! Dave Filoni is such a phenomenal storyteller and I have the upmost respect and admiration for him. He is the only one at Lucasfilm that I trust completely. He’s had 10 years to prove to me that he knows what he’s doing. And he knows what he’s doing. I never have any doubt when it comes to Filoni’s work. And I so happy that Sam and Dave have such a great relationship, professionally and personally. Because they both have such a passion to tell great stories and take care of this franchise. I love them together and I hope Sam will always have a place in Dave’s Star Wars.

Thinking back to the early days, I remember there was speculation before Season 1 aired that Sam might be playing The Inquisitor (which I was absolutely here for). There was a picture that revealed the character and I was like I WANT SAM TO VOICE HIM PLEASE LORD LET SAM BE THE VOICE. I had high hopes for that.....until Sam went and crushed all my hopes when this interview came out on January 30, 2014 and he said he was definitely NOT playing the Inquisitor. Which was fine...once the blow healed. It left the door open for him to play another character. I wasn’t gonna give up so easily. I knew he was gonna be in the show. Filoni would not let me down.

Then months later on October 26, 2014 (a few weeks after the show started airing), there were rumors that Sam was “deeply involved” with the show. It hadn’t been officially confirmed that he was in it. There was just that quote from Making Star Wars. But that was enough to get me super excited. I 100% believed with all my heart that it was true. And it was all I ever wanted.

We didn’t get official confirmation that Sam was in the show voicing Emperor Palpatine until April 18, 2015. It was confirmed at Star Wars Celebration in Anaheim when the trailer for Season 2 dropped and Sam tweeted this:

But you didn’t have to tell me.

So everyone who attended the Rebels panel at SWCA was able to see the first 2 episodes, titled Siege of Lothal Parts 1 and 2. The rest of us didn’t see those episodes until June 20, 2015.

But like a month before they aired, I was blessed with the opportunity to meet Sam at Tidewater Comic Con (May 16, 2015). And it was truly the best day of my entire life (or one of them because I met him again the next day....a few times actually)

We actually had a conversation about Rebels. Sam asked me if I’d seen the show and I said “Yes! I’m so excited for Season 2!” I told him I’m so happy that he’s going to be in it. He told me what it was like recording the Emperor for that. He said he was by himself, as opposed to being with the cast. And I'm like "that must have been weird because I know you guys usually record as a cast." Sam also did his Dave Filoni impression for me (before it became the overused gimmick it is today). I laughed and told him I loved it.

Sam also mentioned that James Earl Jones was doing the voice of Vader for Rebels. And I'm like "I know! That's huge!" And he's like "Yeah, because usually I'm up against a Vader sound alike. Never the real thing." Sam said he felt so much pressure to get his Emperor to sound just right next to James Earl Jones’ Vader. But he felt better when the audience at Celebration cheered when they heard his Emperor during the screening. I said I couldn't wait to hear it too. Sam also told me that he voiced multiple characters in the episode and that I should keep a listen to hear him.

It totally went over my head the first time I saw the episode that Sam was the voice of Lando’s droid, W1-LE. It had to be the thick Southern-esque accent that threw me for a loop. But after listening to it again, I felt dumb for not realizing. I think my ears are definitely more attuned to his voice now that I can pick up on it no matter how much or how little he speaks. It just comes naturally now. The tech was obvious though.

The best part of it all was obviously hearing Sam as the Emperor. Though we couldn’t see him (and wouldn’t see or hear him until 2 season later), it was still thrilling. Sam has such a distinct Emperor voice. It’s completely different from Ian McDiarmid’s voice, but not so much that it’s distracting or you don’t know who it is. Which I remember Sam talking about before (but I don’t remember where...probably twitch). How his Emperor has to be effective so you know it’s the Emperor. Especially because in that scene, the audience doesn’t see him. We just hear his voice. And Sam nailed it. As always.

The rest of Season 2 didn’t start airing until October 14, 2015. And while I was enjoying the show, I really missed my dude.

There was a mid-season trailer for Season 2 that was released on January 15, 2016 that had a Maul voiceover and shot of Maul in the dark...but I honstly can’t recall reacting to it at all. So I can’t remember if I saw it or not. Which is odd because I’m usually on that stuff. I’m sure if I saw it, I’d have lost my shit. And I can’t find any tweets or posts I made about it so..... I probably didn’t see it and was in the dark about Maul’s return. Or I didn’t care at the time. I don’t remember seeing any news or speculation about it either. I feel really dumb. I don’t know where my head was at.

In my ignorance, Sam didn’t pop up in anything Rebels related until the Rebels Recon for 2x18 when he teased about being the voice of Chopper. That was on March 16, 2016.

The Star Wars twitter account even “confirmed” it by liking my tweet about it. Plus their youtube channel said it too. So.....it must be true????

All I know is I lost my mind seeing Sam again. I don’t remember when I became aware of Maul coming back to Rebels. The segment in RR said he was “Emperor Palpatine”, but this was 2 weeks before Maul made his first appearance. This was also the day after he was announced to be on Once Upon A Time so I was on cloud 9 with all the new Sam content. I blame myself for being too occupied with OUAT over Rebels during this time to document my reaction to Maul on social media.Lucasfilm wasn’t being that discreet about it though. And Sam even called them out on knowing they’d make a promo revealing Maul, but he was gonna disguise his voice anyways.

Lucasfilm released the official info about Maul’s return on March 24, 2016.

These images were published in an article from Entertainment Weekly.

Sam tweeted the article. I think that is what finally brought it to my full attention that Maul was coming back. I’m sure I knew by that point, but it was there. It was actually happening.

I tweeted this to him and he liked it (so did Tracy Cannobbio...who is awesome btw):

And I replied to his tweet about Maul coming back with this gif. And that was the first RT I ever got from him. It was a good day!

And he replied with this....cheeky bastard.

We like had a whole conversation. It was great.

So Maul was officially back. It had been 3 years since we’d last seen him. Clone Wars Season 5 (5x16 The Lawless aired on February 2, 2013). I was psyched! This is what I wanted for years, but never expected this. But I was happy. Sam had made me LOVE Maul in The Clone Wars...against my initial skepticism. And I was so pumped to see what had happened to him in the 20 so years between The Clone Wars and the current timeline. Lucasfilm also released a preview clip on March 24, 2016 and this was a totally different Maul then we’d ever seen before. I couldn’t wait for the episode to air!

On March 29, 2016, Sam was in Vancouver filming OUAT and there were A LOT of pictures from the set. It was a good day.

I couldn’t resist making a joke about those awful sideburns.

Twilight of the Apprentice aired on March 30, 2016 and it was absolutely amazing. Everything just blew my mind. It was the best Rebels episode up until this point (and is still in my top 5). Here’s my initial reaction to the episode that I posted here on tumblr. I also spazzed out on twitter too.

Sam did a lot of press after the Season 2 finale aired, but the best thing was definitely his appearance on Collider Jedi Council with Freddie on April 7, 2016. It was the first time was saw the Force Bros together and I just fell in love with their bromance beyond what we’d seen on twitter. I love seeing them together every chance we get because they’re hilarious and adorable. And they obviously have mutual love and respect for each other. I never would’ve pictured this dynamic ever happening if it weren’t for Star Wars Rebels. And even though the show is ending, I have a feeling Force Bros will last well beyond.

Going through some old videos (for what I don’t remember), I came across an old Clone Wars press conference from 2012 and this part caught my attention so I decided to tweet Sam and Ashley about it (tweeted that April 14, 2016). Because they kinda sort called the Ahsoka/Maul thing in Rebels YEARS before it happened.

The next major thing was Star Wars Celebration Europe. Dave, Sam, and Tiya were the only ones who attended SWCE in London to represent Rebels (July 15-17, 2016). That was one of the best weekends ever because there were so many pics and videos.

this one being the best:

Since the panel was small, Sam got to talk a lot. I remember going through a crisis not knowing if the panel would be livestreamed or not. But it was and it was awesome! Here’s my full thoughts on the panel because I just had to rant! (July 16, 2016)

The panel gave us the poster and the trailer for Season 3. And it was definitely going to be the most EPIC season yet. Everyone was all excited about Thrawn. But I was just hyped for more Maul! There was also a preview clip of a scene with Ezra, Kanan, and Maul that left us on sort of a cliffhanger until the fall. That was torture. At least for those of us who weren’t there at Celebration to see the first couple episodes. Sam did an interview that I pestered the Star Wars twitter account to upload and they finally did and I was so happy. There was also a press conference on July 16, 2016.

Rebels Season 3 started airing September 24, 2016, This preview clip of Maul was uploaded on September 28. Maul’s first appearance was in 3x02 The Holocrons of Fate (originally aired October 1). I dubbed this the start of “Witwer Weekends” because he was in Rebels AND Once Upon A Time. But that was a mistake because he didn’t appear much in either show. But I enjoyed it while is lasted. Tbh I think I was more caught up in Once Upon A Time than Rebels. I wrote WAY too many rants about it during this time and not enough about Rebels.

Sam’s first interview on The Star Wars Show was on October 12, 2016. I remember seeing the tweet and being so mad I couldn’t watch it til I got home from work.

But seeing this face was worth the wait because he’s so adorable OMFJSHSHS

Too bad this never happened:

But this is still my favorite SWR promo that was ever made.

And this is one of the best things I’ve ever made and tweeted Sam (November 21, 2016):

This is another lip sync video I did of Hyde and Maul using audio of Sam from a twitch stream. He didn’t see it but I still love it. (December 9, 2016)

After 3x02, Maul didn’t return until 3x10 Visions and Voices, which aired on December 10, 2016. In hindsight, comparing it to Mortis was lame. But fangirling with Tracy over Sam is always fun!

But it was blowing my mind that we were going back to Tatooine because that meant OBI-WAN!!!!! I don’t think I’d ever been more excited for a Rebels episode up until that point.

The mid-season trailer for Season 3, which came out January 4, 2017, teased the Obi/Maul reunion, but the 3 month wait after that for Twin Suns was brutal. But completely worth it. There was a promo clip released on March 10 (a week before the episode aired) and it featured the infamous KENNNOOOOOOBIIIIIAHSHDGGGDG scream. Which I set as my phone notification sound and still have to this day because I’m lazy.

But the description of the promo basically spelled out the outcome of the episode.

Sam did lots of press before the big episode, including this livestream interview with Sideshow on March 15, 2017. I was at work when he did this so I didn’t watch it live. Which was disappointing at the time, but it is what it is and I LOVED it.

On March 17, 2017, Lucasfilm released the clip of Maul going insane in the desert on Tatooine, which also included the scream. In a way it felt like a spoiler, but it hyped me up.

There was also a Twin Suns and Zero Hour screening at the LDAC that same day. Sam was there.

And that’s where this audio came from. "I’M FIRED BUT I’M ALREADY DEAD!” STILL CRACKS ME UP! XDDDDD. Shoutout to the Skywalking Through Neverland Facebook Group for posting videos of the panel with Sam, Dave, and Andi Gutierrez.

Twin Suns aired March 18, 2017 and it left me emotionally wrecked. Maul was a character who was part of the Star Wars saga for 18 years til that point. I grew up with this character. I got to follow his journey from the beginning in 1999 until his death. And I’m not gonna lie, but Sam definitely influenced my love for the character. But Maul really grew on me from TCW and SWR. It was such a privilege to go on this long journey and watch his character develop. I wrote more intimately about my feelings on Maul and Twin Suns here.

Sam appeared in the Rebels Recon episode for Twin Suns and it just ripped my heart out when he said this:

Sam is synonymous with Maul now. He is who I think of when I think of that character because he’s played him the longest and brought so much to him. It’s amazing what he did for the character. He put so much passion into playing Maul. I’m immensely proud of him.

There was so much press and interviews that came out after Twin Suns. It was fucking LIT! Including this amazing article from Star Wars.com on March 23, 2017.

Sam was announced for Star Wars Celebration Orlando on March 24, 2017

I got my Rebels Maul pop on March 29, 2017. Totally worth the 30 something dollars I spent on eBay. I really want Sam to sign it for me someday..along with a bunch of other things.

NEVER FORGET THIS PART FROM AN PODCAST INTERVIEW ON REBELS CHAT! THE POWER OF HANDSOME CAN NEVER DIE. EVEN IF DAVE FILONI KILLS YOUR CHARACTER! (April 6, 2017)

Next cam Star Wars Celebration in Orlando, Florida. Sam kicked off SWCE by posting this pic with Ray Park on April 12, 2017.

AND HOLY SHIT I LOST MY SHIT

Star Wars Celebration Orlando lasted from April 13-16 2017. And it was the absolute best Celebration ever. There was just so much content that my brain was melting. I was fangirling and nerding out so much and so hard. It was crazy. Sam wasn’t on the Rebels panel, but there was so much other stuff that it didn’t really matter. I know he had such a good time there and it made me so happy. He’d been confirmed for BF II, so that was cool. And the Schmoedown (which he lost and it was a bit humiliating...but I forgive him and he redeemed himself later). Also Smuggler’s Revenge.

But most importantly, on April 15, 2017 at the Rebels panel @ SWCO. It gave us this epic trailer , but t was announced that Season 4 would be the last season of Rebels. That was very sad. But what keeps me going is that Dave and everybody will get to tell a complete story. Unlike Clone Wars. That is what makes me most happy.

Still holding a grudge over this:

This interview Sam did post Maul’s death came out on April 24, 2017. It’s my favorite. I just love him so much. He’s just so intellectual and his passion comes through so much in his words.

Sam even liked my tweet to the woman who wrote the article. Did I mention I love him because I LOVE HIM!!!!!

On May 8, 2017, I got this cool Maul pin from an artist on twitter. He’s wearing a shirt that says MAUL LIVES?. It’s currently on my Starkiller bag that Sam signed (which is probably my most prized possession). I fucking love it!!!!

SPEAKING OF THE MAUL LIVES SHIRT, SAM HAS ONE OF HIS OWN! HE WORE IT ON JUNE 13, 2017 DURING A TWITCH STREAM! I asked him if it had an exclamation point or a question mark (like Dave’s Ahsoka Lives shirt) and he said “ it depends on what you want”

On June 15, 2017, The Star Wars Show released an interview with Eugene Byrd. And the conversation landed on Sam. And there was some bts footage of Sam recording Maul. FINALLY WE HAD FOOTAGE OF THE SCREAM!!!

But the audio was very faint. So....I got the idea to take the audio from Twin Suns and sync it with the clip of Sam screaming.

I tweeted it to Sam and this happened:

And it’s become one of my most popular posts here on tumblr. It currently has over 2,000 notes. Which is like so surprising to me because it seriously makes me cringe now. But this was before we got the actual footage from a BTS featurette on the Season 3 bluray. So....I was ahead of the curve???

I was so excited when it was announced that Sam was going to on James’ Arnold Taylor’s show called Clone Wars Conversations. His episodes were recorded on June 15, 2017.

They were uploaded to JAT’s YT on August 5 (part 1) and August 11 (part 2). This interview was A LOT of fun and still one of my absolute favorites. I love Sam and James together. Two of my favorite people. Bless James for doing this! He’s the real MVP! The scene they did of Wesley and Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride as Obi-Wan and Maul is still thing ever.

Season 3 of Rebels came out on DVD and bluray on August 29, 2017. I was at Disney World that day. Sam did a Rebels bluray giveaway during one of his streams in September (I don’t remember the exact date)...but I didn’t win. But I was the one who asked him to sign them..so whoever won, you’re welcome! I eventually bought Season 3 and it goes nicely with my CW and other Rebels DVDs. I can’t wait to add Season 4 to my collection!

There’s a featurette on the DVD that focuses on Maul and Kenobi called Apprentices to Outcasts: Kenobi and Maul. It’s really awesome and has great insight into those characters and their dynamic over the years. Plus it has the Kenobi scream in beautiful HD.

A second trailer for Season 4 was released on September 4, 2017. And it was fucking epic af!!!!!!

It had been up for discussion since August that Sam and the Rebels cast including Freddie, Steve Blum, Mary McGlynn, Vanessa Marshall, and Taylor Gray were planning to start playing a SW tabletop role playing game that they would broadcast on twitch. Freddie tweeted a short fun promo video featuring Sam on November 8, 2017. It was adorable and hilarious and I’m still not over it.

The first game was on December 8, 2017. And it was so much fun.

The second game was on January 12, 2018. And it was even more fun.

When the Season 4 mid-season trailer came out on January 19, 2017, it was confirmed that Sam would not be voicing the Emperor, but the man himself, Ian McDiarmid. I’ll be honest and say I was really disappointed, but my respect for Ian outweighs my disappointment. He’s the man! And Sam happily stepped aside, so it’s all good.

Oh...and this happened.

THE MORTIS REFERENCE. I SCREAMED. MORTIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ARC IN THE CLONE WARS. AND TO SEE IT STILL RELEVANT IN 2018 JUST BLOWS MY MIND. I WAS SO HYPED FOR THAT.

So Sam’s been the voices of a few minor characters here and there, but it was such a surprise to hear him in 4x11 DUME, which aired on February 19, 2018. He was the Imperial tech who talks to Pryce in the first scene. I was like HOLD UP! IS THAT SAM. IT SOUNDS LIKE SAM!

So I checked the credits and it was him. He was also the trooper who finds the com and then gets blown up. I’ve seen the episode like 4 times and I don’t think there is a “biker scout #2″ in that episode. Pretty sure that’s a mistake.

The episodes that had the Mortis Gods (4x12 and 4x13) aired on February 26, 2018. It was epic and beautiful, but I think I hyped myself up too much. The archived sound of Sam’s voice as the Son was great, but I wanted more. But it makes my heart happy that Mortis still has a place in this story so many years later.

______________________________

And that brings us to where we are today; the series finale of Star Wars Rebels. It feels like the end of an era. One that will actually have some closure. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years. I know I tend to focus mostly on Sam when it comes to this show, but honestly, I love everything else about it just as much. I went on this journey with these characters for 4 years. Not all of them made it to the end, but they’ll be in my heart forever. Rebels is such an important part of the new age of Star Wars. It was the first taste of content we got from Disney. It held us over until Episode VII. My wounds from losing The Clone Wars healed because of this show. I knew it wouldn’t replace TCW and I wasn’t expecting it to. From day one, Rebels was its own thing, telling its own stories. Acting as a bridge between two trilogies, the same way Clone Wars was the bridge between two films. It was quality and surpassed my expectations. I’m grateful that I’m here to see the end of this amazing show and got to be a part of this journey. I had some wonderful experiences in relation to Rebels. Ones I’ll never forget.

I want to thank Dave and his incredible team of talented people who created and contributed to this series. We deserve this closure after being screwed over with Clone Wars. And I’m really glad Sam got to be a part of it. I’m really proud of his contributions.

I’m really excited for what the future holds for Star Wars and Sam. And how my two favorite things will collide again. I’m sure they’re all hard at work on the next installment in the franchise and I can’t wait to see what it is. I’m grateful that I get to be a part of this fandom and contribute to this fandom. Star Wars is very important to me. It’s my favorite thing in the world. It’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I grew up with the films as a child, The Clone Wars was a part of my high school and college years, and Rebels was a part of my adulthood and discovering what I want from life. Star Wars, especially the animated series, have been my escapism.

Reflecting back on all these wonderful memories filled me with great joy. Yes, I’m sad the show is ending. But I’m honestly happy. Not happy that it’s over. But happy that this story was told. And that this story gets an ending. I trust Dave will do it right. I have complete faith in him and his people. They’ll do it justice. Rebels will always have a place in my heart. I love it. And I will continue to love and appreciate it long after it ends. Thank you to everyone involved and everyone that made this series one of a kind and truly special.

#sorry i'm so emotional #sam witwer #star wars rebels #darth maul #text #personal #2018 #i don't care if you don't read it #i don't care if you unfollow me #this is important to me #and we all know i tend to get super emo and ranty when stuff happens #i apologize if i come off super pretentious tho

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midnatt-heronweather · 4 years ago

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2020 review

Disclaimer: You won’t hear much about the virus in this. I’m not a denier, I know the damage and destruction covid19 has caused and the death toll, therefore I am not yet cold enough not to realise this is going to sound completely selfish, but that is my decision. My reviews focus on MY year. Just so you’re aware. “I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.” Bob Dylan.

2020... What can I say?

This was the year I decided to officially identify as Non-Binary, not that anyone actually cares or believes me or things i'm "(insert stereotype at will)" enough. except for those very VERY rare people who do and who actually listen and hear me when I speak

Anyway -It has been a trashcan fire of a year since February/March February when I saw the Hu and Counterfeit alongside Ally. And I say February/March because that was the weekend I say my year ended...the good part anyway. Because it was that weekend when I got the ultimate honour, privilege and miracle of meeting Jason Carter, After that it was like a Dementor had French kissed the year and I can’t be the only one who thought it? Conventions and gigs postponed, rescheduled and ultimately cancelled, masks, social distancing, lockdowns the works. And can I just say - I didn’t clap, and I don’t feel in the slightest bit ashamed for it. Despite or maybe because I have friends and a few family who work in the NHS I couldn't bear to be a part of the hypocritical BS idea. I live in a country that will clap for their 'beloved' life saving NHS but then stand silent when Pay rises are frozen and when the NHS is in danger, we as a country expect a lot but don't lift a finger to gave back, clapping doesn’t pay bills. But...Bright points in the year let’s try staying positive and leaving the crap outside shall we...well... The main one has got to be that the US finally found their sense and President Elect Joe Biden will b sworn in January 20, 2021. After that... I’ll have to get back to you. Oh...no..no that’s not one... seriously I’ll have a think and get back to you. Conventions: Just one this year, for me, because of the obvious... But what a convention FCD Events presents 2258 a Babylon 5 Conventions: Where, as well as finally being among actual self confessed fans and being able to tick a b5 convention off my bucket list after starting cons way too late to attend the OG cons I did the impossible... I MET JASON CARTER... have I mentioned this? Have I? Should I say t again? I MET JASON CARTER!!! Also Mira Furlan, Tracy Scoggins and Patricia Tallman, but I met him! Finally! And... Just a reminder I did warn you guys, several times that it was likely hell would freeze over if I ever got that particular honour, do not say I didn’t. I’d never done an FCD before, I’d meant to, even bought a ticket but it just never seemed to happen, but the second someone said b5 con, I was so there! Karan Robinson made my year by making me the Anla’Shok uniform. And Nadine added the cherry on top by making the belt buckle that ONLY Marcus and Entil’Zha Sinclair wear: D (for the record: Velcro still hates me) David one of the organisers of FCD kept randomly shouting “We live for the one.” And when people other than m actually knew the response and responded... dude kick in the feels I kid you not. Next Year (Angel Willing) Adam and I are attending the Teen Wolf conventions entitled “Howl at the Moon 4” in Paris, France... which is cool on so many levels not least of which being I get to meet JR Bourne and Daniel Sharman again and get to visit the church of St Julian of the poor. And yes, there are cons planned here in the UK. But... well. It’s already looking Grey, and not the good kind. Music and Gigs: Two gigs one after the other at the 02 Ritz in Manchester. The First:

The Hu a Mongolian band who Ally really likes and I think are pretty cool. They are amazing live there’s no doubt, can hold their own in England even in a room of idiots. The 2nd :

Counterfeit (also with Ally) I went VIP and got to meet the boys again, and listen to a Q&A with them. I will forever love them, not just because of Jamie’s acting side despite what people say. Didn’t realise how special until recently though because; after keeping fans going and hyping up new singles during lockdowns, they recently decided to go their separate ways. Jamie’s gone solo and he’s put three songs out on YouTube. _ I was meant to be attending a one off gig by Ruelle and Fleurie both of who had music used on Shadowhunters, even talked my friend Lou into it, but it was a victim of the lockdowns and things and I’m not the optimistic type so I doubt it’ll ever happen now, will be lucky if even one of the ladies comes over here if I’m honest. Recently I’ve rediscovered a love for Black Veil Brides and their leader Andy Black’s solo stuff. Olivia Hyde of Bad Pollyanna recently killed everyone in her black unicorn’s fanbase with an amazing solo album, me included. Ally has introduced me to a few interesting bands this year, *Wingtips – very 80s Goth, very Ally (translation: very cool.) *Allegiance Reign – a Japanese Samurai metal band, not sure what Ally actually thinks of these guys, she found them while perusing YouTube and thought of me :D Suggestions greatly accepted, I am always up for giving new stuff a try. Hopefully next year things will even out and gigs will be able to be put on again. TV and Fandom’s: *We FINALLY got Roswell: New Mexico in the UK, and ITV blitzed through 2 seasons in less than a month, but it was enough for me to decide I loved it, maybe more than I did the original. Alex is my fave, but obv Michael isn’t half bad, nor is Max when he’s not making goo-goo eyes at Liz. * Finally got to see 9-1-1 Lone Star and I absolutely love it, (I kinda knew I would from all the talk) * Decided to give the Charmed reboot a 2nd look and it’s proved addictive, now waiting for s2 to be downloadable on Amazon or something. *In march I was so, so excited for the return of The Expanse and the fact the main cast were coming to a con in the UK, then.. The verse went to hell. I still Love the Expanse, but I’m not as die hard as I was, not for lack of trying. Still love it for Anna of course, any excuse to see her. *After 15 years Supernatural finally ended in 2020 with season15: I stopped watching religiously at the end of season 6 but that does not mean I stopped liking the show just that I didn’t like the direction (like with The Expanse recently) I loved watching the reaction of the fans, and how much they (we if I’m counted) mean to the cast. * I have to mention Cursed... If only to say HOLY HELL DANIEL! 𝑴𝒚 𝑭𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑻𝑽 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒐𝒇 2020 Cursed 9-1-1 Lone Star & 9-1-1 Warrior Nun Prodigal Son Penny Dreadful: City of Angels Doctor who (Officially season12) Roswell s1&2 (it counts cos ITV only just got the reboots) Charmed s1&2(it counts cos E4 only just got the reboots) Call the Midwife (s9 btw) Our Girl Strike Back: Vendetta Friends: “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My understanding of "friendship." is skewed, and I’m not saying that to be "Vulcan." it’s honest, and anyone who wants to know how or why just has to ask. But let’s leave it at that for this. It makes some things more stark... and I've said this recently, but this binfire has made even me more aware of who’s out there in my verse, whose pack, who’s potential, and who’s just pathetic. The last I’m not going to waste my breath on. The first two: Pack and Potential (read: new acquaintances /potential friends) Pack: Yes I go on about friends as 'Pack like a person whose OD'd on Teen Wolf... because I am so :P My pack as a whole are varied, and spread out across this country with a few dotted around Europe and Aus. hopefully they know who they are because I don't do mushy crap as they know. But if they do know, they know I'm there when I'm needed and more than willing to sod off when not. Yorkshire brass makes me frank and I’d hope fair. There are 2...mayb 3 who sit above the rest, in special place for the things they've done and things they've been through with me. I make no denial of that. But everyone is important to me. I wouldn't change them for anything.... Ok... tell a lie, maybe 1 or 2 when they do my box in, but that’s only like for a week maybe less. I've spent too many years and got too many scars and burned too many photos and bridges because of fake people and users to not be honest to a fault. It’s who I am. Potential: the Counterfeit gig in Manchester, 2258 and yes even Tiktok have given me the opportunity to make some interesting acquaintances this year, and some I hope will become friends in the real in the future, but for now I will say - "I am defensive, stand off ish, sometimes bull headed and of course opinionated, but I am by no means blind. Or blinkered despite what may be said of me. I am there when needed, if I can be of use, just poke me." Ave Atqua Vale This section has its own post these days. Sadly. Pictures Will try and make one of my “a year in ten pics.” Posts later. Final words While I am not fond of this time of year, Enjoy your celebrations whatever for they may take, I will be watching The Magicians / Call the Midwife and plotting 202? Cosplays. I will be here when (fk knows why) I'm needed. Otherwise- Compliments of the season, now go get a beer, i'm sure you need it after reading this crap.

in the words of The one and only Jason Carter “Hindsight is 2020″

#2020

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hotel-oscar · 8 years ago

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FACTS : what I know without a shadow of a doubt happened vs deduction, speculation and/or my opinion.

FACT : December 18th, Sunday - Woke up on corner of Robertson & Santa Monica Blvd in front of Pavilions. I was partially robbed & obviously sexually molested. Also had 1 thin clean cut over left top lip. Like a purposely cut line approximately 1" in length. I was also missing my left earring. It was a black circle and superman symbol on other (I sometimes use that mismatch combo on my left ear only and both matching circles on the right). It’s the kind often referred to as fake plugs so they screw into each other, which in turn makes them more secure and a task to remove so ya, left earring was missing and not on the floor. Otherwise, absolutely no other signs of visible trauma or impact points so I know I didn’t fall on the ground.

FACT : I was missing my wallet, motorcycle key, motorcycle w helmet BUT I still had my A1 leather bomber jacket on, $1+ in coins, 2x collector Swiss Army pocket knives & my black Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. Partial robbery…? I then went into Pavilions’ and bought myself a Tonic Water w the change I had.

FACT : I parked right in front of Abbey and went into Chapel @ the Abbey and bought Bacardi Limon from the tall slender female bartender with the obviously fake English accent.

FACT : Other than feeling confused to how, when & HOW the hell I ended up there, I felt 100% sober & clear minded. This was no surprise to me since I know I didn’t even drink enough to have a buzz. I don’t even remember finishing my shot.

FACT : I thought it weird that NO ONE offered to neither help me nor express any concern. Then when I went back to The Abbey to get my credit card that I had left there, everyone was being rude and giving me the run around and saying come back & just meaner than I have ever recalled them being. They never gave me back my card. I tried from before 7am until noon.

****UPDATE**** They charged my card $40 and it’s a straight up lie. For one, I lost my phone a few days earlier and so I wasn’t sure my balance so I was limiting myself 1-2 drinks max and I always keep my limit. Second, I haven’t spent $40 on a tab since the military and that’s no joke. Besides, I’m 100% positive that I didn’t authorize $40.

FACT : At sundown, I walked miles and miles walking all lit main streets until someone finally asked me if I was ok. It was a homeless woman at a 711 whom I later gave my Air Force Swiss Army pocket knife to as a gift. I was freezing and hungry & she fed me and we huddled together for body heat right outside the 711 doors. When she left, she offered me to go with her but I still felt a danger lurking and didn’t want to put her at risk. When she left, I began looking for a cement or steel trash can bc I was shivering uncontrollably from the cold and needed to get warm. I found one on a sidewalk adjacent to a gas station. I made sure there was no residue gas dripping from the pumps as I walked by them on my way to the trashcan on street. I started that fire for the sole reason of staying warm but also made sure I was being seen on the station’s camera in case anything happened to me bc I had a feeling that someone wanted to make me disappear.

FACT : At no time was anyone or thing in any danger, including myself. Firefighters put it out. Cops (LAPD) showed up after the fire was already out and the firefighters were packing up to leave. It was obvious I was going to get hurt right off the back so I repeatedly told them loudly & clearly that I was a woman. They only got more aggressive and more threatening to the point where I thought that’s it, I’m about to get tazed/shot so I finally yelled, “Ok ok I’m a guy,”– in which they proceeded to tackle me, hogtie, rip my nose back, suffocate me, inject me & beat me. I begged & pleaded for my life forever it seemed bc I couldn’t breathe & that alone was unbearable. When I realized that they were not going to let up, I yelled in Spanish for God to help me and that’s when I got one last sock to the face in which I pretended to be knocked out. I began listening and feeling everything they were doing. I felt my butt exposed while they injected me w something. They had my socks off and had my ankles turned in an unnatural way which w the handcuffs made it impossible to feel anything they were doing to them but the overwhelming pain & fear of breaking like my wrist already felt was. I do however remember the firefighters driving by close enough to make eye contact while I was struggling on the floor before pretending to lose consciousness.

FACT : They tortured me for over 25+ minutes but now actually seemed a lot longer than that and am sure it was. Then they finally put me in a paramedic-like vehicle where not only did they refer to me as a WOMAN but one said, “I wish she’d keep squirming so I could rip her nose back again.” Wtf? Then they proceeded to cut my A1 AF leather bomber jacket into little pieces so I’d never wear it again. Btw, that jacket clearly had my (female) name & rank on front name badge. Then they cut off my white t-shirt and binder which held down my breast followed by sticking an IV down a vein in my throat and opening my eyes and pushing each one so far into my skull that I swore they were gonna poke each out. I’ve never had anyone do these things to me & didn’t know people like that even existed, let alone people that wore uniforms and were supposed to be saving lives. Not enjoying themselves torturing one… I heard them all making little jokes and enjoying themselves the entire time and even when I was walked thru the precinct and booking topless with my breast out in the open (Yet, they were still trying to book me as a male even then!). I remained exposed for everyone to see until I was seen by the doctor in holding in which she said can we put a shirt on him/her. She saw the IV in my throat & asked why the hell they put an IV in me. Even the officer stuttered that he didn’t know why. They x-rayed my wrist bc it was badly injured. I still have no feeling of left thumb and wrist. I still have scars on wrists and ankles from being hogtied with the handcuffs overly tightened. At the time I had blood and swelling at my wrists and ankles from the handcuffs. I also noticed that I was bleeding under one of my middle toes from my left foot & wasn’t previously.

FACT : I reported the rape from West Hollywood as soon as I felt safe and asked for rape kits. Santa Monica Hospital, USC and LA County Women’s Jail. Sheriffs sent SVU investigators to talk to me while in jail. I told them every detail including how I got my motorcycle stolen from right in front of the Abbey and gave them title info in order to find it. The men left their #’s. I called them several times later to find out status and left msgs. I did this from jail and later from home after I was released. I never ever received a call back or acknowledgment and the other # said it didn’t exist. I made sure to keep record of any calls & messages I made to or left them as well as keep the business card they gave me when they came to see me in jail.

{For the record, WOMEN’S LA County Jail was the best part of this ordeal. Not only did they take care of me and make me feel safe and respected me but also the inmates were a blessing to have met. Each inmate made a very special & personal contribution to my heart’s recovery. They all became my friends and I know we all share a special bond and will no doubt see each other again and hopefully work with too. Thank u to every Deputy. U guys genuinely care about human beings and I’m sorry there are Sheriffs that carry guns on the outside tarnishing your priceless contribution to humanity. I’d work w u guys any day.}

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FACT : I was in Signal Hill the day before and received a ticket for the motorcycle being parked on the sidewalk. The motorcycle a 1983 Blue Hondamatic had mismatching license plate from VIN on registration. This is bc I have 2 of the same exact bike and often switched out parts between them. I have its twin sitting here at home in pieces and missing its original license plate, which went w the stolen bike. When I finally got home from jail in mid January, I discovered that the titles for both of the bikes that I had put away safely in a box were both missing. I didn’t even have time to fully take in this whole mess before I was conveniently 5150’d for crying on a curb on a street named Cudahy in which HP Police decided to tow my other bike which was simply parked against the curb correctly & not even w key in it. It was towed to Mr. C’s Towing in South Gate. I tried to get it after my VA nightmare but they wanted me to pay $66 per day for something they did illegally. Well, just like my other bike it has a twin so it has the same mismatching plate detail. I still have the title for this one and the original plate on me. Not on the bike they are holding. I also have the original plate for the 1983 Hondamatic that I just learned from its previous owner, the guy I bought it from, that it was auctioned off in January while I was in jail. They said that they had contacted him to demand he pay for the fees that I guess were not recovered w the f***ing auction but when he tried calling them back w his defense the DMV claimed they had no record of the bike’s existence. Can somebody please tell me what the f*** is going on????

****UPDATE**** I can’t seem to get a police report anywhere. I want to know what they said so I can defend myself but they keep jerking me around sending me on a wild goose chase and lying. HPPD first said I was operating the bike impaired but when I brought evidence contradicting that, they changed their story once again. This time they say that they didn’t want to be responsible in case the bike was stolen while I was in the hospital bc God knows how long I’d be there. BULLSH*T. 1st, they 5150’d me which is a 72 hr hold. 2nd, I’m sure I could have easily arranged for a family member to just walk over and get it. No biggie. 3rd, U ARE RESPONSIBLE for it being stolen! Both PD & Towing place keep sending me back and forth to supposedly get something needed which have been lies and the days have added up. Here’s the big whopper though, they hold for 45 days after which they not only send me to collections for the entire 45+ day storage cost but they ALSO auction my bike! Wow, talk about rape…is this even legal??? It doesn’t seem ethical that’s for sure. I know it’s not right in my heart either. I still have faith in humanity. I refuse to believe there are so many evil people around here.

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West Hollywood Sheriffs think they can do whatever they want and say and do unspeakable things without any repercussions. (????) Literally think they are above the human race and they have an acute hate for strong women who don’t need men (i.e. Lesbians). As far as I’m concerned, they are domestic terrorists and traitors to our country and God-given rights. If u don’t believe me, I’m sure they have videos. They have a thing for recording everything. Or u can believe me bc I’ve never lied to u and would never want to see anyone else hurt. I rather it be me than anyone else bc I know I was born special & can take more than others and I’m ok. Plus, I took an oath to protect my country against ALL ENEMIES, foreign & DOMESTIC and I meant it & live accordingly. I was born to serve my country and its perfect people. I take attacks on them personally and will be damned if I let them intimidate me into letting them get away with it. Over my dead body and even after that.

I believe martial law should be implemented in LA County with special emphasis on West Hollywood & VA in Long Beach (ER & L1 psych ward), if not ALL Emergency Rooms, Psych Wards & Law Enforcement in the county of Los Angeles.

West Hollywood used to be a safe haven for gay people from all over the country. Now it’s become the fastest way to become a non-reported missing person. I’ve had the privilege of meeting their spirits and the honor of their unwavering love and guidance through my drugging, rape, torture and eventual death. That girl I used to be is forever gone.

________________________________________

The VA in Long Beach has a modern God-complex psychotic Doctor who I lovingly refer to as GPS bc his name sounds like a GPS Navigation brand name. Dr. Magellan?

FACT : I told them I didn’t want to go in the back door. I didn’t feel comfortable & told them I rather go in through the front entrance just like every other 50 millionth time but they were adamant & not budging. I had a bunch of pix w me but mainly of my niece and nephews. Before knocking out I tucked them into my binder like I had been every night. I woke up and found them sprawled all over the bed & floor which was odd & shocking but to make matters worse, 3 pix were missing and that pissed me off. I pulled a fire alarm. Not only did they cancel it on their own instead of the fire department but it also made them pretty angry so 2 guys tied me up to a bed and then each injected a shoulder. I muttered something about the only people that could cancel a fire alarm are the firefighters and was out.

I don’t think anything u guys did was cool. The mystery straight up bite mark was like wtf (and I know u’ll say it’s mine but not only is that stupid as hell but also physically impossible bc of angle it was done).

FACT : Blood & liquid build up on toes by the nails, not being able to account for over a week, being told I’m being given certain meds that we both know damn well aren’t what u said they were, u getting upset w the social worker for not hanging up properly w a public defender and accidentally recording everything u were saying right before I walked in and just all of your bs, GPS. Honestly, I just feel betrayed by everybody there bc I trusted them. I already didn’t trust u bc u always had a smile when u were telling me something that would make my world crumble. I do remember seeing the cameras in the employee meeting room and thinking oh sh*t they are watching me change & sleep?? Then I thought how is that possible if inside the rooms there is not a camera in sight. Still, I wish I would have had a courtesy heads up before getting undressed bc that’s embarrassing/uncomfortable for me to do around anybody.

I also finally realized that not only have u guys been f-ing w my mental health but also that u literally are not one bit interested in really helping me. The same goes to the ER where they watched me have an anxiety attack and didn’t calm me down but instead took detailed notes of whatever fright I was experiencing and even had others come watch and also do nothing except ask that same dumb question, Do u wanna hurt anyone or yourself, all while watching me bawl my eyes out & scared outta my mind seeing whatever it was that was so terrifying but thank goodness u made sure to make a detailed transcript, right?? That still surprises me btw bc I only begin to remember it when u read from it. Weird how u guys remember my dreams/nightmares better than I do. Like how are u able to get inside my head while I’m totally asleep…?? Seriously.

FACT : I always made sure to get a ride to your ER where every time I’d walk in and just ask for someone to talk to. That’s all just a Therapist or someone that could help me relax just by listening and responding like one and not some smart-ass condescending one that belittles what I’m feeling as if I didn’t just now ask for help. I just needed to talk to someone and I’m sure my provider remembers how many times throughout the years I would continuously ask for one-on-one therapy. Every single time I saw u guys I’d ask for that therapy and I practically lived there! Yet, I would be put to sleep & always waking up days later confused of where I was at and then later finding out from the other patients that I was out for days! DAYS! WTF is that all about?? U can’t tell me I’m a drug addict that was doing this to myself bc I know now that is all BS and I’m really pissed about it. U swear we aren’t smart enough to know the difference between the drugs we knowingly put into our systems and the ones u claim are the cause of our perpetual detachment from reality! Yes, u do a good job of keeping us confused so that we accept your BS but eventually something had to give. Maybe my tolerance got higher or maybe I just became immune to your junk. It really is unbelievable how f-ed up u are. I didn’t think there was a cure for what u said I had bc I couldn’t wrap my mind around the perpetual diagnosis u would give me and I’d reluctantly accept even though I hadn’t been doing any drugs. I somehow would convince myself that maybe I don’t remember using (ya right) or someone in my life was purposely drugging me (which made me paranoid) or maybe it was just my guilty conscience from using in the past. I didn’t even consider that u’d be that evil and that your staff would be too naive to question.

I still can’t believe this is happening. So many of my Vet buddies were patients of yours. Some got worse and others I’ve never seen again and no one has either bc I’ve asked. We’re family and we look out for each other no matter what and u know that. It’s unfair that u’d tell the staff to tell me that they were not able to tell me what happened to Izzy for privacy reasons but he had no other next of kin. I was his family and I knew something happened to him the first time I returned to L1 after he was gone and u put me in his old room. I can feel everything and I knew and cried. I’m not saying u did something to him but my last memory of him was me being discharged from there and wanting to say bye but seeing him be tied down to the same bed but not making it easy for your staff. He was in duress and I should have stayed to calm him. I don’t think any of this is funny. Not one bit. I don’t play around when it comes to other people’s quality of life. Heck no and though not all of u guys are guilty, I still won’t return to your part of the hospital and will share that w the Vets I know. There’s nothing u can say to confuse me anymore. I finally feel more like the old me I used to be when I was still in the military. It took more than a miracle for me to overcome this but I’m glad I did and I’m glad u guys were wrong. I’m totally fine and healthy and NOT addicted to any substance or thing. I’m also STILL not a danger to myself or anyone. In fact, every day I get better & better. I had forgotten how good it felt to be sane.

There’s something wrong w u, GPS and I’m sure I’m not the only one that would agree and I’m sure we can count on u to always be smiling when u know ur about to and/or are making someone miserable. U really had me going there which is why I felt no remorse when I turned the tables on u. Just remember, ur the doc and u discharged me regardless of my state and me asking for help. U can figure the rest out.

****UPDATE**** I requested all my medical records from VA. I reviewed my recent 5150 stay in L1. In the short summary they are very detailed on all days except for the 6 day gap of nothing. So I went back to review the entire month of March to see what u put for those 6 days I lost. It’s funny bc u put the same type of very detailed notes for those 6 days. U put my vital signs, exact bowel movements, participation, % of food eaten, etc. Oh u also mentioned that I was temporarily put in restraints and stated the strict policies u have with that like notifying next of kin and 24/7 100% face to face surveillance. Well first off, EVERYTHING u wrote for those 6 days minimum are complete utter BS. Lies. Not only did I find many holes in your detailed fabricated data but regardless of me having to prove anything, u’ve managed to screw yourself. I’ll put it to u this way, u somehow managed to keep meticulous record of not treating me for my said perpetual disorder but also keeping me at that state the whole time. Plus, there were other discrepancies that might seem small but in my case stand out like a sore thumb bc it meant I was 100% not myself in anyway which would be the first in my life since I’m very consistent regardless of my state of mind. So glad the AF & VA keeps records of everything so I’ll let them speak for themselves. U should have paid closer attention to me all these years or just listened to me every time I told u certain things about myself that haven’t changed my entire life. They are important in order to be able to accurately assess and treat me, your patient, medically. I mean, it could mean life or death literally. Either way, u grossly neglected to do that job u swore to do correctly. Add f-ing liar to that. Never mind that u guys also have 100% surveillance in L1 so per your notes, everything in those 6 days should check out at least visually right? Well at the very least for your sake.

I urge everyone to call the jails, hospitals and everywhere to find that loved one and make it known that that person will be missed and looked for and that no one will give up and accept their loss bc they couldn’t live with themselves if they did. Go in person, call or go online to check inmates & arrests. Snapchat and use all & any current social media to record, keep track of, make note of or just have as insurance if anyone is not doing their job, threatening u, putting your life in danger, lying to u or just getting a bad feeling from. They tend to think twice before continuing their disturbing behavior towards u but also letting others know what’s up in case, God forbid, they do harm u. Email all resources & be heard. Email even strangers that might just be in your address book automatically from buying something from them on Craigslist. Serious. Someone, the right person will be listening and that’s all it takes.

FACT : I’m an Air Force Vet who got out in her prime and had nothing less than a stellar career but decided she wanted to be with her family and see their kids be born and grow up. She chose family and chose right. I still have very close ties to my military family and still have the same beliefs I had while serving which is why I will continue to serve, pay or not. I began to transition from female to male but I never intended to change my gender nor name so basically even though considered Transgender, I am just a woman that looks like a dude but I don’t pretend to be and don’t tell others I am. I’m a woman who’s happy looking masculine, as weird as that sounded just now. Ha. Some women get breast implants, others want them removed. Truth is I just rather look this way and it makes me happier than I’ve ever been and the people that love me say that it shows and that makes them happier as well.

FACT : I represent a vast majority of Americans who struggle against all kinds of discrimination and violence and at the hands of everyone, including my own kind. I’m Hispanic, Mexican, Irish & Jewish descent, Woman, Lesbian, Transgender, Gay, Military Veteran, Domestic Violence Survivor, Rape Survivor, Mental Illness, been Homeless. The reason I mention this is bc everything that happened to me can only be categorized as a HATE CRIME because not only did they totally know I was a female all along but there really was absolutely NO NEED to cut my jacket into little tiny pieces AND strip me NUDE topless. That was obviously meant to shame me. Yes, it was deliberate and intentional. They knew what I was and they 100% intentionally meant to hurt me. There’s plenty of evidence to back it up as well. Including the officer’s body cam. I even asked him what that was on his shirt and he told me that it was his body cam.

FACT : If a woman or man or speaking animal says that they were raped. THEY WERE. Who the f*** are u to tell a person, especially a grown-ass one what THEIR body feels. Shame on u stupid women who decided to be the judge of that bc u let rapists of all that are living know that it was ok.

Regardless of u doing unbelievably psycho and amazingly unfair things to me to make me feel like I should just shut up and forget that these things happened to me, I simply can’t. I’m not gonna lie, I really, really considered it and even contemplated moving far away but it always comes back to NO, I’m not crazy. I didn’t imagine this sh*t bc I know the difference between being f-ed up or confused. NO, they will never stop and they will hurt so many more people and I can’t live with that sh*t. I know u f**ks are all working together in some crazy ass levels of authority making it seem like we have no choice but to bend over and take it and believe me, I thought this was too twilight zonish to still be reality but u really do exist. U literally can do whatever u want and have been getting away with it for years. I’m gonna bring an end to that now. I’ve gone above and beyond and even what u can’t fathom to make sure that nmw the truth is known and u guys will not get away with any of it.

Anyways, I was just giving u a heads up of what’s to come and that everything u do (literally) is in our favor and absolutely instrumental in justice. God love us for believing in him and our God given rights. One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and JUSTICE FOR ALL. One Love - God, Family, Country (US).

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lostallblue · 7 years ago

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OCs #1 + #2

in other news, i have way too many ocs. i can’t even. i hate myself. but these two dorks are two of my favourites and also they come as a pair so i have to post them together. it just can’t be otherwise, mate.

so here we’ve got actual murder child celia and soft, book-nerd horatio. me? have a problem naming characters so i just name them after shakespeare’s characters? would i do that? it’s more likely than you think. incidentally, i hate epithets so much. how do you come up with them? i don’t have a clue.

@hundredsunny enjoy my nerd ocs (i’m thepinkfluffyunicorn btw, this is just my one piece blog). they’re both idiots but i love them.

NAME: jernigan celia EPITHET: the nightwalker - because she murders people at night, truly an imaginative name. NICKNAMES: lee (literally only horatio gets away with this), most people just call her by jernigan unless they’re close friends. AGE: 21 (pre) 23 (post) BDAY: 1st of december BIRTHPLACE: arden island in the grand line - a foresty spring island with lots of big, terrifying monsters. heck yeah. GENDER: female HEIGHT: 5.8 WEIGHT: 69kg HAIR: black, v straight. EYES: dark. APPEARANCE: celia is this tol girl with kind of medium-brown skin? she looks vaguely arabian? she tends to tie her hair back with complex plaits that mean things in her culture. she has one that means honour, another that means something overcome and three for each member of her family that were killed or went missing. the rest tend to vary depending on the situation. her style is very casual when she's not in assassin-mode. jeans and a graphic t-shirt are her sort of thing. with strong boots that can handle lots of work. she also has a leather jacket that she pinched from a shop in loguetown once. she loves it. she does, however, love the chance to dress up. she goes for really gorgeous dresses that are all long and shiny. but she only rarely gets the chance. when in assassin mode, she wears tight, dark clothes with a hood and light shoes with a good grip. and knives. lots of knives. SMELL: the blood of her enemies. FAVE FOOD: lasagne FAVE DRINK: berry cider (and by that, i mean the sort we have over here that's alcoholic) FAVE SEASON: summer REPRESENTATIVE NATIONALITY: welsh BOUNTY: 100 000 000 - but not for celia the person, just for the nightwalker the assassin. they don't know who she is. because she’s a snek. DEVIL FRUIT: none! PROFESSION: private assassin CREW: none PERSONALITY: celia is an angry bean who wants to fight you. she's pretty good at concealing her feelings, but is pretty much at ease with them. she's fine with being a pretty emotional person. she's also hecka oblivious. she doesn't notice when people flirt with her. it just goes right over her head. horatio thinks it's hilarious. she would 10/10 flirt back if she realised - not that she's actually any good at flirting. her version of flirting usually involves knives in some way. she loves her knives. a lot. never leaves home without them. has named all of them and can actually tell them all apart, even the ones that look identical to literally anyone else. she loves horatio a whole lot. would literally tear the world to shreds for him. he's basically her brother in every way that actually matters. he makes her laugh when nobody else can and is the only person who can draw her out of her own head when she gets lost in her thoughts. he's also basically the only person she cares about. she hates slavers and murders them. she also appreciates money a lot. would definitely rip you off if you gave her the chance. she has a big thing about being able to make her own choices and having control over her own life - a consequence of being a former slave. she's also illiterate, so that's a problem. she doesn't deal well with being reminded of it. horatio's tried to teach her, but she's probs dyslexic so she struggles a lot with it and doesn't have the patience to actually commit to learning it. anyone who calls her stupid will face her knives. LIKES: her knives, horatio, generally pasta, tomatoes, alcohol, murdering evil people who own slaves, pretty dresses, make-up. DISLIKES: slavers, feeling stupid, spring because she has a pollen allergy WEAPONS: celia has knives. celia's life is made up of knives. she loves her knives. she would marry her knives. she's also very good with her knives. HISTORY: celia was born on arden island which is a pretty cool place. mostly forest with a few villages and a few bigger towns. no big cities. celia's home village was on the edge, looking out onto a beach and the ocean but with a forest at its back. it had one of the only three docks on the island so they saw a lot of business from both marines and pirates. anyway, a couple of years later, celia's little sister - rosalind - was born. celia and rosalind were really close as kids, they both loved to explore the forest outside their home. but when celia was nine, slavers raided their village and a bunch of people were killed, including celia's parents. both celia and rosalind were taken as slaves. they managed to stay together at first, but when they were sold at sabaody, they were seperated and celia never saw her sister again. she became a celestial dragon slave and everything was pretty bad for a while. when she was fourteen, yuji - a former marine who'd started his own group of rebels separate to the revolutionary army because he didn't think dragon was doing enough - freed a bunch of slaves of which celia was one. celia joined up with his group because she didn't have anywhere else to go and yuji taught her how to fight and kill. he basically used her as his assassin, sending her out to kill his enemies. celia adored him though, he had saved her and yuji was pretty good at making people like him. when celia was eighteen, yuji brought horatio back severely injured and celia watched horatio get better and then - in her eyes - steal her place at yuji's side. see, that was kind of yuji's shtick, manipulate people into caring about him and then pit them against each other so that they didn't band together and turn against him. so at first, celia was super jealous and that meant that she and horatio did not get along. at all. they fought constantly. but because celia was no longer quite so focused on by yuji, she started noticing how...awful and manipulative he was toward horatio. she noticed how often he'd emotionally abuse and manipulate him and make him feel like he owed yuji the world. which, she realised part way through, was pretty much exactly what he'd done to her. so she started trying to befriend horatio. at first, horatio didn't trust her. but they did slowly become friends. and celia started trying to convince horatio to leave with her. because she could see how much damage yuji was doing to him and she was Not Okay with it. horatio completely ignored her at first, but bit by bit she managed to convince him that yuji wasn't as good as he thought. and eventually, they managed to run away and headed for the grand line together. this would be when celia's about twenty. they basically set themselves up as slaver-hunters. they assassinate big people in the slave-trading business and, along the way, celia looks for her little sister.

and the next dork.

NAME: tveit horatio (not that he uses his surname) EPITHET: NICKNAMES: AGE: 18 (pre), 20 (post) BDAY: 4th of january BIRTHPLACE: icthus island in the north blue GENDER: male HEIGHT: 5.6 WEIGHT: 55kg HAIR: horatio has floppy, straight white hair. and yes, that is natural, he hasn't gone white because of stress. although he 10/10 probably would have done, if that was possible. EYES: blue APPEARANCE: horatio is actually? pretty good-looking which makes celia hiss because then people start trying to flirt with him. he's mega lanky, noodle arms all over the place. a smol boy who is just...v short, for a guy. he was tol once, back when he was like eleven, but he hasn't grown since, so......concerning. for added shortness appreciation, he's shorter than nami. chopper is the only straw hat he's taller than. this is hilarious to me. he also appreciates looking good, so most of his clothes are pretty well-made. he likes the woollen top-coat over jumper and shirt Look because he thinks he looks distinguished. celia think it makes him look like a nerd. he has a lot of pretty horrible scars all over his body, so he tries to stay as covered up as physically possible. he likes the coat because it covers his neck when he keeps the collar up. and whenever he can get away with it without looking weird (read, whenever it's not too hot for it) he likes to wear a dark red wool scarf that he knitted himself. he likes a good pair of oxford shoes, but he tends to wear boots more because they're easier to run and fight in. he also carries throwing knives, but they're normally under his coat. he uses a long, black cane to walk - because his hip is really badly damaged and he has a bad limp. but! at least he has a cane with which to look cool and also to break the bones of his enemies. SMELL: butterscotch FAVE FOOD: banoffee pie FAVE DRINK: hot chocolate FAVE SEASON: autumn - he likes the colours and anything pumpkin/pumpkin-spice flavoured. REPRESENTATIVE NATIONALITY: norwegian BOUNTY: currently none and they're desperately trying to keep it that way. DEVIL FRUIT: none! PROFESSION: spy - as in, he spies and finds information about targets for celia, who then kills them. CREW: none PERSONALITY: horatio is an anxious nerd, okay? he's such a nerd. he's actually on the autistic spectrum so he has Special Interests such as astronomy and history. he also fixated on linguistics years ago and has never let go. he tends to feel emotions really strongly and cares a whole lot, but struggles a lot with both processing and actually showing his emotions. feelings in general are very confusing to him. he tends to do his absolute best to ignore his feelings until they become overwhelming and cause him to shut down. he sometimes loses his language when that happens. he also has OCD. so that's a fun time. he's pretty charming when he needs to be though. v flirtatious, which is hilarious considering he's hecka aro-ace. he knows how to make people do what he wants them to do. an important skill considering his job. but don't let any of that fool you, horatio is actually an idiot. sometimes he does stuff and he doesn't even know why he did the thing. he just did it. when he isn't on a job, he doesn't think about the consequences of his actions. he just acts on impulse. he's a dumbo. LIKES: books, history, linguistics, astronomy, dancing, pumpkins, stimming and also the ocean in general - horatio loves the ocean a lot. DISLIKES: potatoes, his family, slavery + slave owners, having Feelings(tm), lilies because he's allergic, bad rulers/monarchs, the marines as a whole annoy him a lot because he thinks they're all idiots which, i mean, in all fairness.... WEAPONS: like i said, he uses throwing knives a lot and also his cane which he can swing around with deadly efficiency. not to mention, nobody ever takes it away from him when he's going into places where weapons aren't allowed. you know that scene in lord of the rings: the two towers where the rohirrim are trying to take gandalf's staff away from him but gandalf's like 'you wouldn't take an old man's stick away from him, would you?' and they let him keep it. that's horatio. horatio is not above using his disability to manipulate people. HISTORY: okay so horatio was born on icthus island. but he wasn't just a random person. he was born into the royal family! specifically the tveit family. he had five brothers and a sister. all of them hated him. the tveit family is awful. in general. they're cruel rulers. so pretty much from day one, his family were terrible to him. see, they picked up pretty quickly that he was Weird because it took him like four years to talk for the first time and then it was in full sentences. and from then on, he was just...odd? from their point-of-view. they were really stiff and formal and, also, they owned slaves. because why not? at first horatio wasn't against what they did both to others and also to him, because he didn't know any better, but then. a thing happened. his nurse - aurora - who helped him to speak and taught him to handle his anxiety and sensory issues when his family would just dismiss or punish him for his bad moments, was blamed for a theft when he was nine. it was actually horatio's older sister who broke the thing that was 'stolen' then lied about it and...everybody knew. but that didn't really matter to the king and queen, so they executed aurora for theft. and horatio lost the one person who actually cared about him. it was this that really jarred him out of the whole 'this is okay' thing and he realised how awful everything they did really was. and he started trying to protect the slaves in their palace. but that just made his family more annoyed with him. and so it carried on for, like, five years in pretty much the same way. horatio did something that upset them, they beat him for it or locked him up or starved him. everything sucked. and then everything really went wrong. when he was fifteen, he made the terrible mistake of befriending a slave called antonio. antonio was from the grand line - specifically alabasta! - and told him stories about the nefertari family who are amazing rulers and so kind. horatio low-key didn't believe him, but he still has a vague dream of going to alabasta and meeting nefertari vivi and her father. but then horatio's brother found out about his friendship with antonio. before then, horatio had mostly just tried to protect the slaves, but had never actually befriended them before. his brother was disgusted at the idea of his younger brother actually befriending a slave and 'disgracing their family' in such a way. his brother told their parents and... they had both horatio and antonio brought before them. after confirming that what horatio's brother had said was true, they executed antonio. but they didn't stop there. instead, they cheerfully went on to sentence horatio to death for disgracing the family name. they basically had him tortured for days. his siblings went to town on him. and after like two weeks, they left him outside the palace to die on his own. and it was here that old yuji found him. horatio was barely alive, but yuji took him back to his nearest base and managed to save his life. this whole fiasco - btw - is why horatio needs a cane. which sucks. horatio's family believe that they murdered him, so they had this big funeral for him ala sanji and the vinsmokes, except they actually think he's dead. and this is the big reason why celia and horatio are trying to hard to make sure he doesn't get a bounty. because they do not want to risk his family finding him again. so we already know how the whole thing with yuji went. celia realises what's going on and tries to convince horatio to leave. but it takes him forever to believe her because one of the big issues that his family left him with is that, well, he has absurdly low expectations for how people treat him. in his mind, if they're not physically abusing him, then everything's cool. because they're not as bad as his family. so that's why it took her so long to convince him. horatio's about seventeen when they leave.

CANON TIME-PERIOD CONNECTIONS: they - as a duo - have their first encounter with canon one piece characters about half-way through the pre-time skip era? they arrive in alabasta post-war and end up in a Fiasco that leads to them meeting vivi. which was their intention anyway because horatio really, really wanted to meet vivi. vivi gets on with horatio the best - the old both being royals thing really helps with friendship, apparently. celia spend roughly half the time pouting because she thought horatio liked vivi more than her. she is easily made jealous. but they do end up friends in the end and it's all good. vivi told them stories about the straw-hats and as a result, the Dynamic Duo really want to meet them. just because of that. they end up leaving about enies lobby time and heading off along the grand-line for more adventure. and murder. that too. they also run into old jewelry bonney part way through her journey, after they leave alabasta. celia fights her. then they end up bonding over mutual pasta appreciation. so that's nice. horatio was Amused. i haven't fully thought through their time-skip existence, but i know that celia wants to meet luffy even more just so she can congratulate him on punching a celestial dragon. the day she heard about it, she literally cheered. it was great.

#my writing #my ocs #jernigan celia #horatio

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gocasualrunawaycollection-blog · 6 years ago

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"life insurance quote without personal information

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I am about to switch to Progressive and I was wondering if I have to pay my current Car insurance just to cancel it. I pay about 257 every month and I want to know if I have to pay them just to cancel as soon as i switch with Progressive.

Which is cheaper to insure? Car or SUV?

As a 16 year old looking for their first car, I can't quite decide what kind to chose so I though I'd narrow it down by seeing what is going to be less costly. So first of all car or suv? Also, if you could be specific on certain makes and models that you would personally recommend.""

Insurance and Stepchildren?

I've been doing some research and have been able to find very little information on this topic. My husband and I got married recently and with our combined incomes, my son would no longer qualify for Medicaid (which had previously been his insurance). My husband asked his employer (who carries Aetna) if he could add his stepson and they told him yes, absolutely, they just needed his birth certificate, SS#, and a copy of our marriage certificate. We provided all these documents, and then they told us we needed to cancel his current insurance and provide proof of cancellation before they could cover him - which seemed strange to me, because I've had Medicaid as secondary insurance in the past, but we complied. We provided them with the letter saying that his coverage would be terminated effective June 1st. Hubby asked HR if everything was in place, and they said yes - as of June 1st, when his Medicaid expired, they would pick up coverage. Then yesterday (June 7th), HR approached my husband and told him that an Aetna representative called them and said that they can NOT cover his stepson unless I, the biological mother, am also on the insurance. This was NEVER mentioned to us previously and they knew he was not planning to add me as well - we never provided any of my documentation or information. I called Aetna and they told me that HR at the place of employment are the ones who determine this policy, and HR is telling us that it's the insurance company. So now my son is completely without coverage when they TOLD us that it would begin on the 1st. I have no interest in switching my insurance - I am covered under my parents' policy and it is very good. I am currently pregnant and I know my OB takes my current insurance and they have already preapproved all prenatal care and the birth. I might have considered switching if absolutely necessary had we known ahead of time, but we didn't, and now his insurance has lapsed as a result. So my question is - in my research, I came accross Obama's Affordable Care Act, which I know is the one that requires insurance companies to cover children until they are 26 and is the same reason that my parents' insurance company covers me. I read a couple different places that this same law also applies to stepchildren. So, under this law, is my husband's insurance required to cover my son?""

Can anybody help me about car insurance?

For the last few months I've been sharing my Dad's car, I've been a named driver for that car. Now I've bought my own car, however, at the moment I cannot afford to pay the 220 starter fee to insure me on my own car just yet. So my question is, if I upgraded the insurance on my Dad's car to fully comp. Will I be covered to drive my car? I'm 17 by the way, if that changes anything. Any help will be very much appreciated.""

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Motorcycle insurance?

my motorcycle insurance policy is about to expire next month, so im just looking into companies/experiences to see if i should switch (since getting quotes isnt as easy as they make it sound!!). ive been with progressive for a year and pay 93$ a month. i was honest when i joined and said i had less than a year of experience-- i'd literally learned how to ride right before signing up with them, though because i learned with one of those motorcycle safety courses, i got a small discount with them. so, now, i have a year of experience as well as a year of owning my bike (which i paid for in full and am the sole owner of). i'm 20 year old female, have a kawasaki ninja 500r, use it for pleasure purposes. my driving history, unfortunately, is not pristine. in 2009 i got a speeding violation for MORE than 10mph over the speed limit (that was in my car), and last month, sadly, i was in an accident that was my fault (also in car) (no injuries). i havent had any infractions on the bike. i have a motorcycle endorsement on my license and, as i said, passed a motorcycle safety foundation course. i got a quote with geico, and their prices were really just obscene. so, basically, i just want to hear from other ppl who deal with the same thing. how much do you pay for bike insurance? have any good recommendations for companies? what companies are known for being a little bit more forgiving about accidents, seeing as i just had one (again, in my car, not my bike, but i know it matters). any tips, etc? i know being young and not having a lot of experience are not on my side, just thought id try :)""

Motorcycle totaled with no insurance?

Ok long story short I bought a bike few weekends ago on a Saturday morning with a loan on it from a dealer. That same weekend which would be Sunday night I hit some gravel on a curved road and the bike flew from under me and it sounds like its totaled according to the dealer. Problem is I didn't have insurance on it yet because it was the weekend still. And I added insurance that week after it happened but I think they're going to find out I didn't have insurance on it at the time of the accident . Sooo what happens now ? Am I stuck paying for a bike that's totaled ? Does the gap insurance on the loan help me out in anyway ? Please help cause I'm really stressing out about this..

Is it cheaper on insurance to have 2 people on the title?

I don't have a very good driving record, and when I had insurance under my name on my old car, I was paying almost as much as the monthly car payments. The bank I received the loan from told me that I had to have insurance under my name on the car. I'm looking to get a new car, and I know that the insurance alone would cost me a lot. If I put someone else's name (such as my father) on the title, along with mine, would I be able to get insurance under his name?""

Is there a way to not have auto insurance when you will not be driving your car for a year?

I have a car loan that I still owe $15,000. I will be going to Mexico for a year and, therefore, will not be driving my car for a year. Is there a way to just insure the loan so that if the car starts on fire by itself or something I'll still be covered? If so, how much does that cost?""

If two insurance companies have a dispute?

Let's say that I get into a car accident with another driver. My insurance company determines that he's at fault. His insurance company determines that I'm at fault. How does this typically get resolved? Do they go to a third-party arbiter?

Insurance and car help please?

Hello all my bf was driving my car this morning and fell asleep hiting a mail box. He didn't have no license. So they locked him up my insurance is up to date. Will my insurance pay for it and I pay the 500 dollar deducte or what will happen how will my car get fix thanks

How much is your car insurance?

Im 18 and learning to drive, obviously the insurance is ridiculous so i was wondering what everyones costs are and what kind of car they have, also what would make insurance cheaper because i dont understand how so many kids can drive with such costs.""

How much should i expect to pay for insurance on a ferrari?

Or any other exotic car

Can my ex-wife insure our kids through her husbands insurance?

My ex-wife is required to carry our kids insurance. She switched jobs and is now insuring kids under her husband. My only concern is, if he decides to leave her or gets pissed off he can drop my kids from insurance. Since he is not legally obligated to insure them. He is not adopting them. He is not legally bound to take care of them. Is my concern valid?""

Need help finding rental insurance/jewelry insurance?

I just moved into an apartment for the 1st time and I was advised to get rental insurance. I don't have many valuables with the exception of a laptop and an engagement ring. The rest of my items are the standard furnishings (couch, bed, desk, etc.) I know rental insurance is cheap so I wanted to look into it. Just an FYI that I do not have a car/auto insurance so I can't just add rental insurance onto existing car insurance. Also my main concern is that my engagement ring is VERY valuable and I will leave it at home often, so I wanted to make sure it was protected (either at home or if I do wear it out). I also travel often, so that might leave my place open for burglars ... or who knows what other issues (fire, etc.) Please advise, thanks!""

Do I need to add my unborn baby to my health insurance before I deliver?

I'm not due until May 19 but I read in a book that if you choose to add your unborn child to your health insurance, you can. But no one can tell me for sure if I need too. Open enrollment for my insurance isn't until September of next year, after my baby is born. What do I need to do?""

Wanting cheap car insurance?

wanting cheap car insurance that dont want a deposit hepl peeps xx

How much would it cost to insure a 2012 honda civic 2.2 diesel?

How much would it cost a 21year old male with a 3 year licence to insure a 2012 honda civic 2.2 diesel.

Does it cost more to get insurance for a motorcycle?

Will the price be even higher if its a new driver on a motorcycle?

How much will previous drink driving ban cost company insurance?

Hi, hope someone can help. I had a drink driving ban about 2 years ago. I am now applying for a job which would like a clean driving license (dont they all). What i want to know is how much extra money would it cost the company insurance to put someone on their books with a previous d/d ban. The job im applying for would require me to drive their vehicles, would it cost the company alot ? Thanks for any answers""

I need help getting coverage for an infected wisdom tooth. Does anyone know of an affordable dental insurance?

I have a wisdom tooth that is close to a facial nerve so I have to have a specialist pull it. Does anyone know of a dentist insurance plan that is affordable that doesn't have a wait list and that covers oral surgery? Or does anyone know of a dental office that will take payments? I have called around everywhere and seem to keep hitting dead ends

How much would car insurance be for....?

a 16 year old driver in PA monthly? with a used car?

""I want to buy a health insurance policy ,?

i am looking for the insurance company which requires xerox of the original bills at the time of reimbursment.because i have one insurance policy (health) given by my employer but the amount of coverage is less.say for exp i have insurance of 1 lack and my need is 2 lacs so i want to buy health insurance policy with sum insured of 1 lac . but at the time of claim settlement ( reimbursment) both the insurance company will required original bill that will be practically impossible . therefor am looking for the health insurance company which requires xerox of the bill at the time of reimbursment.

Car insurance claim for a parked car?

I hit a parked car & I would like to pay for this myself rather than going through my insurance. I would rather send the car to a garage of my choice but the guy want his garage to fix his car. His garage is asking me to give the repair cost to the guy I hit - not go through the books. I do not feel comfortable doing this. where do I stand?

If i'm driving in ireland do i need irish insurance?

Ok so i want to buy a BMW I'm 17 buying the car isn't the problem the insurance companies here in Ireland are so I'm thinking of buying cheap insurance somewhere like china or the USA is this possible while i would be actually driving the car here in Ireland.

""Need cheap auto insurance, Arizona?""

only drive 2 miles a couple times a week, never had a accident or ticket; 63yrs old,Mesa,AZ""

Will my parents car insurance premiums go up?

So to make this easy, I'll give a basic idea of what happened. I was driving a friends car that I got into an accident with. My friend has liability insurance and everything to cover the damage of the other vehicle. Now, the thing is I personally do not buy car insurance. The car that I drive is insured by my parents, but I am not named in their insurance policy. So my first question is, when filling out a motorist report, what do I fill in for the section under MY insurance, since I don't buy nor am I under anyones insurance policy. Second is there any way my parents premiums will go up?""

Car insurance help? ?

Car insurance for a school permit? my question involves teen drivers and insurance i am a 15 year old in iowa, i would like to get a school permit (in iowa, this allows me to drive to and from school over the most direct route without an adult in the vehicle)because of the many extracurriculars I'm involved with. my dad was wondering though if it would be very expensive to get me on the insurance plan. here are some factors -we are with westfield insurrance -I'm a 15 year old girl -honor student -passed drivers ed with an A -my parents work at the school, so i would catch a ride when i could with them, i would only probably use the school permit for late night or early morning practices (i mention this because i read that if a person only drives occasionally it could lower costs slightly? ) -never been in an accident or been pulled over -i wouldn't be driving a fast car, probably our van or pontiac grand am any estimates on costs? my dad said that i wouldn't be able to get on the insurance if it was 100 or more $ a year, so if you could give me some suggestions on how to lower it or any tips at all, i would really appreciate it""

How much should health insurance cost a 24 year old female in los angeles?

I'm looking into geting health Insurance and i not sure how mush it would cost a healthy 24 year old female who's monthly income is ruffly 1500 a month. I don't have any major health problem. Can someone please give me an idea of what i might be looking at or any suggestions ... thanks

How much should I be looking for to pay for car insurance?

Its a 98 ford escort with 127,000 miles and it has a salvage title""

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