#I hope you're feeling okay anon!

[catastrxblues]

EVERMORE by taylor swift (feat. bon iver) — “and i was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. and i couldn’t be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”

my #swiftiegiftexchange2024 for @lovesickallovermybed!!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[moralcandy]

holding hands (starcicle art for @mad-c1oud !!)

[marshmallowprotection]

Got into a car accident the other day (I’m not at fault and am mostly okay beyond some bruising/a mild concussion) but the car is totaled and I could use some comfort. Maybe from older bro Saeyoung?? Im really feeling the pain of losing my car. She was old and kinda funky but got me from point A to point B well and I miss her 😞

Saeyoung never wants his family to fall into danger!

The first thing that would happen when you told him you were in an accident is him doing everything he possibly can to make sure you're safe and comfortable.

Sure, is it worth pointing out that he would make sure that whoever puts you in an accident in the first place was taken care of if they were 100% at fault, yeah, but that's not something he would bring up with you as you are trying to recover. He's your big brother, and as much as he would want to get revenge on somebody who hurt you, he values taking care of you much more in the immediate. 

You know he's a mother hen no matter how much he says he's not. As soon as you are safe and sound in your bed, make no mistake, he has stocked your room with everything you could ever need. You don't have to get up or go very far to get anything. If he could make it so you wouldn't have to stumble that far to go to the restroom, he would do that as well, it just depends on how much of a time constraint he has.

He can make anything happen, and he will definitely go over the top in that realm. You have to give him credit for being ready for anything, at least.

He often says that's the one good thing about his paranoia. He can't always stop worrying, but he's ready for anything to go wrong at any moment. It helps him when something does go wrong, but he prays that nothing goes wrong so he doesn't have to put those plans into action. 

It's one thing to know that something could go wrong, it's another to see it happen. No amount of preparation is going to make him feel better about the fact that you got hurt and he couldn't stop it from happening. But, make no mistake, he's sitting at your bedside so you can tell him about your woes since there's not much else you can do but rest or talk to him.

When you tell him that you're sad about your car, he'll get it. He understands the emotional connection you can build to a vehicle because it is something that takes you everywhere. You put a lot of emotional compassion into this thing that helps you traverse the world and see everything there is to offer.

It's not silly to grieve over this loss, that's what he'd tell you. 

"Listen, little racer, I know you’re bummed out that someone took your baby. I would feel the same way if somebody demolished one of my cars. But, all good things come to an end, and even if this wasn't on the best of circumstances, you get to reflect on all the good times you had to come to terms with this loss. Do you want to tell me about your favorite trip you took with your car? I'd love to hear one. That's the great thing about being around someone who gets it, you get to hear the stories not everybody tells."

[catreginae]

I'm really glad none of the body shaming popped up on my dash, it gives me the ick finding out about it now. I'm thin because I'm underweight and sick all the time. It's not cool to make fun of people because being sickly thin is supposed to be attractive according to society.

(If this is too strongly worded, I apologize. My brain is half functional and I am livid. I don't want to fuel the fire, but the more I think about it, the more upset I become.)

I'm just hoping that if anyone who decided it was hilarious and memed on him back then realizes it was kind of fucked up for them to do that.

And to date, Warriors is the only one who got ridiculed for his body. The fandom shut down other instances of somebody being made fun for their appearance pretty quickly (like with Time) but when it came to Warriors, it was a fucking free for all.

[bluespring864]

It’s perhaps people like you who drove the rafolearchive off this site. What does it matter if they posted Rafa’s positive words towards Nole? Most of Rafa’s words towards Novak are actually positive or neutral. I think maybe you have built some sort of evil caricature of Rafa in your head and that’s okay you do you but the thing about his conditioning I cannot let slide as someone who also deals with chronic pain. Sorry @bluespring864 for doing this on your page.

Oh boy. Yes, me, who routinely sent the rafolearchive (off-anon!) asks and left them comments under anon asks they got where someone was really mean in their inbox and reblogged a lot of their stuff with nice comments about Rafa and Nole must be the one who drove them off this site.

I don't know what you're reading into my words but I literally said the rafolearchive mostly reposted happier interactions between Rafa and Nole because most of us enjoy people getting along well. And in the "most of us" group I very much included myself. (I think someone else may have said something about the rafolearchive posting more of Rafa's positive interactions with Novak (which is true, but in this case please talk to them and not me? Oh, I just realised, is that why you're 'apologising' to me for "doing this on my page" because one of my mutuals doesn't have their inbox open? Wow, that's a new level of being an online troll. So I guess that other part wasn't directed at me either lol. Still ridiculous to accuse another user of (politely) speaking their mind. If you were interested in an honest discussion you could just have replied to that conversation on the other post you took offense to. But clearly you need to hide behind anonymity. Future anons from you will be deleted unless you manage to stay more polite towards me and my mutuals. And please don't use me as proxy for fighting with someone ever again, what a godawful move. By the way I am sorry to hear you're dealing with chronic pain. I know something about living with pain for long periods of time and I know how bitter it can make people, I've spoken about this before. Which is the main reason why I started answering this in good faith until I realised exactly what you were doing here.

[chelleisamazing]

Wow, 8+ messages in the past 12 hours; is this what it feels to have fans?

[delta-piscium]

Trying? Trying??? By learning. By succeeding!

(about this and my text under the cut)

this is very nice actually thank you so much <3 <3 and like, i probably do need to give myself more credit in general but also i am still very much learning and stumbling and figuring digital art out (and for the most part it is so fun)

I’m gonna ramble about this a bit so bear with me and also i apologize lol, but that art was done after a month of getting increasingly more frustrated with everything turning out so badly and eventually realizing that I was trying to 1. copy a certain look/style that i’ve internalized is what fanart and digital art should look like and is very far away from my style/comfort zone 2. i was trying to do everything digital allows without being comfortable with it or understanding it

so (and this took me a month to realize ? ??) i did what i already knew from doing acrylic and oil painting in the past and could somewhat easily transfer to digital without having to know more than the basics, like i didn’t use a lot of the things digital provides or allows for. i used layers for my own peace of mind but without actually needing them and did some color adjusting (honestly, the color adjusting digital lets you do is such a blessing to me) but the only fancy way i really utilized the medium was making it a gif (which is so fun and a lot easier than i would have thought, like honestly watch me make any future art into gifs too) but there are so many things you can do with the medium with settings/effects, different brushes, tools to use in the process etc that i just do not understand what they are or how to implement them so i am very slowly learning digital art as a whole new medium rather than just being able to use it to adapt what i already know

[inkykeiji]

abt the media literacy topic, people who dont have their first language as english didnt know abt the word + the fact that the way that some subtitles mistakingly made it seem like a name of some sort. treating it like common knowledge and being condescending abt it is kinda ehhhh

this is a fair point and you’re right! that possibility crossed my mind as well, just like people genuinely not knowing what the word altruist meant or that it exists as a term at all. i didn’t know about the subtitles issue, so thanks for bringing that up! i do still believe the lack of media literacy in general, across everything (not just hazbin hotel or specific instances but as a whole, in north america in particular), is a concerning issue, but that obviously doesn’t apply to people genuinely mistaking an english word due to english not being their first language or the subtitles being misleading. i apologize for not making that clear in my response to that anon.

and when i say concerning, i want you to know that i mean it in a genuine, sincere way. being able to analyze and interpret media and art that is intended for adults (which often involves nuance and subtext) is a really important skill and something that i personally believe makes consuming and engaging with said piece of media fun and fulfilling. maybe not everyone feels the same way, and that’s totally alright; we can agree to disagree, absolutely. but these are skills i believe everyone should be taught, allowed to sharpen, and have access to, especially if you’re going to be interacting with adult media/art (this goes way beyond hh, i’m specifically thinking of literature and banned books here). i also know that there is a legitimate concern regarding the declining quality of education, especially for high school students, in north america (i’m in canada, but i know it’s even worse in the states, given the pockets of poverty etc). and that really worries and upsets me, because it’s completely unfair, and it’s fucking scary, how little people seem to give a shit about the education of the next generation.

i’m extremely passionate about this subject, and if i had the resources and qualifications, i’d absolutely set up a free media literacy course (or courses!) for anyone interested in taking it. who knows, maybe one day i will be able to do something like that—that would be really cool.

[meownotgood]

how would aki help u thru a panic/anxiety attack? i have them from time to time and i was curious :,)

I've thought about this... I think aki struggles with anxiety attacks of his own, considering his job as a devil hunter and everything he's come to experience in his life, so he'd know just what to do to be able to help you.

aki would notice it immediately: the way your body starts to shake, the way your breath comes out quicker and quicker, the way you freeze and fold in on yourself. he's swiftly taking action, helping you to sit down, or ushering you to some place more quiet. he places one hand on your back, rubbing in soothing circles, and he grasps your hand with the other, gripping tightly, giving you something to hold onto to ground yourself.

he reassures you, his voice quiet and gentle, "it's alright, it's okay. nothing is going to happen to you, you're safe, I promise. nothing bad is going to happen, everything will be okay. I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you."

aki helps you to breathe, guiding you to breathe in, and breathe out, until you slowly start to relax. his calm demeanor, his comforting presence beside you, his steady hand on your back and his hand in your own, and his smooth voice in your ear — you're doing so well, I'm so proud of you. everything will be over soon, just keep breathing for me — it all helps you to get through it.

and even once you've calmed, aki won't leave your side; he'll go and bring you some water or some tea if you'd like, or, if you don't want him to go, he'll stay right there next to you until you're ready. if you want to talk to him about how you feel, aki will gladly listen for hours, but if you'd rather forget about it, he'll turn on your favorite movie or video and watch it with you, until you've forgetten about everything.

[jeanmoreaux]

How do you approach arguments with siblings?

that's such a hard question to answer bc it really depends on your relationship with your siblings and your individual personalities. there is not best or standard appraoch that will work for everyone. i have a good, and pretty close relationship with both my younger brothers, and as an older sister i was very much someone who occasionally scolded them when we were kids. so directly approaching them with any criticism or issue i am having comes pretty natural at this point. personally, i'd just be quite frank about whatever it is that's bothering me or that i want to discuss and confront them in a pretty straightforward way. i also try to make sure they're aware of my feelings (e.g. i try to be honest about feeling hurt or disappointed or concerned—i try to show vulnerability and be transparent. doesn't work all the time. it's a very hard thing to do). but that only works because we trust each other and they know me and my manner of dealing with things (and i know them). they're also (i hope) aware that, no matter what, i love and adore them as people. we're all in our 20s now so, you know, it's very rare that we even fight these days, so they know i mean business when i have something to complain about. the way i deal with my brothers is in no way how everyone deals or can deal or should deal with their siblings. there might be people you cannot even engage in an argument for whatever reasons. or people who will dismiss your feelings and the points you're making and turn the entire situation on you. and there's, sadly, not much you can do about that. if someone doesn't want to listen, it's hard to make them understand. and ofc sometimes it can even be dangerous for you to broach a subject with someone. if it's all more an issue of misunderstandings, it's important to figure out where exactly communications goes awry. i found that repeating back to people what i think they are trying to say OR imply (or vice versa) can clear up things sometimes. doesn't always work either though. i also learned that i ususally fare better when i layout an argument in my head and prepare some sentences before i start a difficult conversation. i often still forget some things in the heat of the moment, but just having thought about the most important points in advance makes that less likely (in my experience).

like i said, it's all so, so very dependent on many factors. if you have any more questions i am happy to help out as best as i can <;3

[foster-the-moths]

(Content warning for self harm, body dysphoria, depressive themes)

There are days when it hurts.

Days when the words are born, boiling, in my stomach

And crawl up like burning bile until they can’t be contained in my mouth anymore

Spewing onto the paper like a slash to the artery

Days when I feel sick just existing in this body

A discomfort, bugs crawling under my skin, just out of reach

But the clawing and ripping only makes it worse

There are days when the wallpaper is torn from the walls

Screams exhausting my lungs and cracking my throat

When I’m laughing and sobbing and raging and bleeding and everything, the fabric of my existence, is coming out of my different parts all at once

There are days when I’m alive

But today isn’t one of those days

Today I am tired

Today the words begin in my head

They drip from pen to paper lazily as blood from a shallow wound

Calmly as a knife across the thighs

This body feels wrong, and that’s it

I’m so far away from it, from any body, that it doesn’t make me squirm

I feel nothing but the vague stinging of the blanket rubbing against my wounds

Is it better to feel anything, anything at all?

The lack of feeling is alienating

But the lack of pain is aspirational

The confusion just gets lost in the mist of my mind, but it’s no matter

Nothing is

Today I’ll just lie here in these dry sheets, unpleasantly gritty with blood and paint stains

And I’ll sleep

Until either life or death comes.

—Poem anon.

HELLO POEM ANON!! god you are. just so good at imagery. the description of words on paper like blood from an artery, bugs under the skin, and the desperation of trying to escape it all as a familiar feeling. the numbness and a vague feeling of discomfort. idk i just really like your works they feel familiar. sometimes its like looking in a mirror and sometimes its like looking at a photo of your younger self and i think thats really cool. i feel like i never have the words to describe how cool your poetry is and sometimes i feel like i'm doing it a disservice but i hope you understand that i really do love each of these

[anon-confesses]

I'm afraid to let go of physical objects. They can be related to a bad time or make me feel bad but I can't get rid of them. I want to but I can't. I feel like shit all the time and I'm honestly at my limit. I keep debating getting sent back to a psych ward to get help at this point. I just want to be able to talk to friends so I don't. I need advice or maybe just someone telling me I'm ok. I'm tired of existing. I'm tired of feeling bad

.

[vampiricgf]

Interview anon here. I didn't get the job and I will most likely have to move in with my sister and her partner. The job market is so corrupt because I was qualified for this position but they were favoring people that had come from certain universities.

This is so stressful and I hate the job market and this country.

Good luck with your upcoming interviews!

im so sorry anon, and for what it's worth you have every right to feel as upset as you need to about not getting it and having to move because it's upsetting as fuck when things fall that way. I hope you have some things on hand to help you feel a little better tho, like a favorite game or some nice tea and a book, whatever you enjoy that might help a little bit at least

[shippingmyworld]

I'm finally cleaning out my tumblr inbox, because this hellsite doesn't tell me whenever I get asks (and also apparently doesn't load everything in your inbox unless you post/delete messages) and I'm only now just realizing there's nearly 100+ anons in there asking if I'm okay because both Sleepless Nights and my blog went silent for a really long time. If you didn't already see, Sleepless Nights is complete and I'm back on my bs. I just took a break from social media and writing fanfic for a really long time.

Most of the asks in my inbox are 2+ years old at this point so I won't be spamming anyone dashboard with answering all of them, but I figured it was a good time to say thank you to everyone that had reached out to check up on me. Honestly reading through the messages and seeing all the love and kindness in there is a bit overwhelming, but in a good way. Thank you everyone that thought about me and took the time to send a message. I'm glad that my silly little story about a gay farmer and his himbo jock bf means so much to so many people. ✨❤️

[lovvecherrymotion]

hi hiii, i feel a lot better today!! also i dreamed about eddie, but it was one of those dreams that i don’t remember anything about just that eddie was there,, in a doorway i think? wish i remembered more 😭

i’ve been reading some interesting discussions on reddit regarding the future of buddie, and there was this part that changed my life “buck knows he’s queer but doesn’t know he’s in love with eddie yet, eddie knows he’s in love with buck but doesn’t know he’s queer yet” like that’s their dynamic right?? they will both need a lot of time to sort their feelings, and i feel like their story deserves a slow conclusion rather than something rushed (yes i know you’ve been waiting for years but this does feel like the beginning)

so for now, buck deserves something nice with tommy (can’t wait for the kisses oliver was talking about 😌), and eddie needs to figure out his sexuality on his own cause there is no way he’s lasting with marisol lmao. theeeen they will figure out that what they needed was right in front of them all this time ���🥹

how do you see the story play out? 🫶

- 💌

hi, anon! sorry (again) for the delay in answering. i saw your ask right away but then i really felt like i had to sit down to reply and then i just got *too* overwhelmed with all social interaction dfklgjf forgive me i didn't forget you 😭

AND IT'S ALSO QUITE FITTING I'M REPLYING TODAY BECAUSE I HAD A BUDDIE DREAM! in my dream eddie wasn't actually a firefighter but buck was his best friend/neighbour. they were both avoiding discussing their feelings for each other, but then buck got hurt during a call (nothing major ofc) and eddie realizes he cares way too much and he needs to tell buck he loves him because he doesn't want to live with that regret (and then they kissed because turns out it's mutual 🥺🥺)

"buck knows he’s queer but doesn’t know he’s in love with eddie yet, eddie knows he’s in love with buck but doesn’t know he’s queer yet" - i've seen this too (first for another ship funny enough lol) and it makes so much sense! i'm not even sure eddie knows he's in love, but he does know buck is *special* to him. i guess since he doesn't know he's queer, it doesn't actually occur to him that buck is special because he's in love. i don't want them to rush this at all - there's nothing i'd hate more, because their story and their relationship are beautiful, and i need them to keep building up to buddie endgame with all the care and love the storyline deserves. not to mention, i think it's good for buck to actually date another man before and figure himself out

basically, i think this season will help both of them realize their queerness and from s8 on we can start working on them getting together. i think buck and tommy will probably last until the end of the season and then maybe by the start of next season realize they're not compatible in some way and break up (but i could see them still being friends - and i feel like buck could use a few queer friends. he has hen, sure, but someone else). eddie and marisol are def breaking up (new promo has eddie dropping chris at his cousins house 👀 could she be gone sooner than later?) and hopefully eddie will have figured out why dating all these women isn't working out for him

also the delicious angsty possibilities of starting s8 with eddie realizing buck is it for him and buck and tommy still being together... the pining. the longing. thinking he might have lost his chance

ANYWAY this got fucking long. can't wait for next episode. i know fandom is fandoming, as usual, but this season has been much better than i've expected so