#I hope you won't be upset with me bc of the pain I made for Hwi

[mctna2019]

I'm so sorry

I'm here again with another sad fic from mctna.again I don't have any idea that where are this thought come from but I think what if the end were changing?

Hwi gripes his own sword tightly without looking behind him, leaves the great hall where Bang-won's standing.Hwi walks into the corridor. Chi-do follows him looking worried.

+are you sure you're going to do it?

Hwi nodded without pausing once.Chi-do grasps his arm to stop him for a moment.Hwi doesn't look at him and fixed his eyes on his sword.

-Hyung, I thought about it all night and there was no compulsion in it, so don't stop me. I know how much I'll regret it, but I won't do it for myself.

Chi-do's hand fell without a word.from the top of the stairs, Hwi sees the man who's to be executed.he's kneeling on a wicker mat with his hands tied and his back to Hwi.after the Namjeon and the rest of Bang Won's opponents death, there were someones who needed to be punished , and he was the only one who asked for the execution himself.Hwi doesn't know what conversation was between Bang-won and him last night that could convinced Bang-won to order his execution ,while Hwi tried his best to dissuade Bang-won but he couldn't.Bang-won had ordered the execution to be done in the palace and away from the public.when Hwi couldn’t cancel the order,he volunteered to carry out the execution.Hwi wouldn't do this for Bang-won and he'll immediately leave there forever after it'll over.he slowly walks down the stairs and realizes that Chi-do isn't following him anymore. the gate is close to prevent people from watching, and Hwi see Hui-jae's crying face. he stands facing the condemned man.also, Bang-won had ordered to give him clean silk clothes, but he refused .he looks at his calm face for a few moments.when he meets his sad and pain-filled eyes, he feels the tears slide down his cheek.a cool breeze is blowing and his long silky hair moves in the air like a light-winged bird. when he looks at Hwi, something other than poison burns his chest. Hwi looks at the soldiers that surrounded them. there's no turning back, he draws the sword from its scabbard. Hwi knew how and where to bring the sword down for the least pain and easiest death. for a few moments, Hwi feels guilty about what Yeon thought of what Hwi's doing and apologized to her in his heart.he tries to not thinking about his past.the convict fixes his eyes on the sky and waits. just one quick movement and then blood flows under Hwi’s feet. Hwi lets go of the bloody sword as his hands trembles. he immediately kneels down and hugs his half-life body. he stopped himself before his hand reached his wounded and bloody neck to stop the bleeding, it's selfishness. the young man doesn't look sad. although his face is pale from blood loss and he's trembling in Hwi’s arms, he doesn't seem upset or worried.he smiles up at the sky as he stopped himself from crying.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Hwi repeated over and over as tears fell and his chest felt heavy. Seon-ho smiles slightly and says "thank you" before closing his eyes forever.

P.S: I always choose the most comfortable way for Seon-ho because this poor boy deserved more peace of mind.I really didn't want a happy ending for him because I knew it wasn't possible but I just wanted to ease his pain even though I did something cruel to Hwi .you'll understand what it is, but I think it could have happened.

[tamelee]

Do ppl genuinely believe gaara has a crush on naruto? I thought it was a joke 😭 the jokes like gaara hating sasuke are funny but they're far from true considering in canon he cried for sasuke and tried to tell him to return. He told naruto later on that sasuke's not planning on coming back bc it was true, not bc he's jealous or some shit 💀 it was naruto who got upset at that and shoved his hand away, and also bc gaara made it clear that if in the war sasuke is on the enemy team then he won't hold back and will go for the kill. He's just another person who doesn't care about sasuke anymore which is why naruto got mad. To me only naruto and sasuke being romantically in love makes any sense, when ppl bring in not only gaara but even shikamaru, neji, Lee, sai it just seem like a joke bc wtf? Most of those ppl are pretty openly straight anyway. It seems like only sasunaru fans do this, they think every man around naruto wants him and is jealous of sasuke and sasuke's not a good bf but all of that is pure projection and stupidity and they act like incels when they treat naruto like some helpless girl with her Chad bf who should instead be with the nice guys. Anyway that went sorta off topic but yeah I don't think gaara's actually in love. Or if he is, he's not the jealous type bc I admit if he was a girl, even dudebros might see it with him. It's just that naruto has it part of his character that everyone worships him sooner or later. Whenever he changes someone they become his fan and act like he's God. Gaara, neji, shikamaru, pain, obito, tsunade. Sasuke's the only special one bc their relationship is actually different and special. But even for him sometimes some sns fans reduce him to a naruto worshipper in sns fics. Or they talk about the "i'm in naruto's world, I'm blessed to exist" quote that seems an awful lot like idol worship. I hate when they reduce sasuke and his relationship to naruto to that, that's hinata's job, to be naruto's personal slave, not sasuke. And if you remember this while analyzing gaara he just seems like yet another character that got reduced to a naruto dick sucker, that's all.

Gaara and Sai openly straight Nonee? xD I understand your points, but I do think you’re doing yourself a HUGE disservice if you think Gaara is just a... *checks* 👀... “Naruto dick sucker”... 

... kinda falls short, no? Their bond is distinct, and categorizing it as similar to Naruto's other connections, especially when most are comrades at best. Villagers conditionally acknowledge Naruto because they see him as useful until he proves otherwise, and that includes the majority of his... friends. Naruto said it himself, he doesn’t trust them (I HAVE A THEORY ABOUT THIS REGARDING 'HOPE' TBH I’LL FINISH THAT DRAFT SOON FINALLY LOL) This lack of trust is evident again during his fight with Kurama.

With Gaara, it is very uniquely a bond of their own regardless whether someone believes it is romantic or not and it doesn’t really have anything to do with Sasuke, so I’m not sure how to feel about a comparison? 

However, Naruto's connection with Gaara does share some similarities with his bond with Sasuke; hurting for Gaara’s pain because he understood it as fellow Jinchuuriki, or hurting for Sasuke’s pain and burdens but going on a journey because he wanted to understand (‘we could’ve been in each other’s shoes, Sasuke’). These bonds also relate to the system itself, which is closely interlinked. Hence, Sasuke shouting at Naruto for not understanding in VotE1. But it's not the same thing, and that's perhaps one of the most significant differences between Naruto's bonds with Sasuke and Gaara, don't you think? The contrasting pain (regarding that understanding) he felt played a crucial role in his learning process. "I felt less pain when I escaped loneliness, but Gaara was lonelier for longer and Sasuke has to live with this burden... which is unbearable, what can I do?" Collaboration only becomes possible when you can truly understand one another. The same was seen during the Shinobi War when they had to unite as a single alliance. Gaara references this several times.

That understanding transcends national borders, and it's an integral part of Naruto's Ninja Way. It's also a way to demonstrate that mutual understanding could potentially unite the Nations, but that's a different topic. What remains consistent is Naruto's anger towards the entire system when it becomes personal and disregarding what is seen as 'appropriate Shinobi behavior'. (Lmao not those anti-Naruto post claiming Naruto was fine with everything altogether 😭 ffs, delete.) 

Of course Naruto’s emotions played a huge part in him going feral. It was primarily triggered by Gaara's death, but even before that Kurama's Chakra was slipping through as he was learning about himself, Jinchuuriki and discovering new things that Konoha, and even Jiraiya, whom he trained with for years, had never shared with him. Our boy was seriously going through it, but this drive wasn’t just him showing Shonen Hero behavior to ‘stop the bad guys from gaining power’ or grieving a friends’ death at that moment even.

Naruto had every right to be furious. This is the same anger that says, 'If you Shinobi of the Leaf hadn't placed a monster in me,' and 'Did any of you even try to ask ME how I felt?!!' But, of course, Naruto repressed his anger and avoided empathizing with himself. However, this anger still simmers beneath the surface in the story. (Sakura's display of compassion for Naruto's situation after realizing he could die was a good moment tbh, I liked it even if Naruto shoved it aside. Kinda like he was saying they could never understand as Sasuke said to him, except Naruto sorta laughs it off and shows confidence instead. Anw, Sakura's best moments are in this arc, and it has nothing to do with the Sasori fight.)

But why doesn't Naruto express anger for himself?

Because, in this case, he carries a sense of guilt towards Gaara. He heard Gaara express how he desperately searched for a reason to live, feeling like a 'relic of the past that people wanted to get rid of'—unwanted and alone. This led Gaara to decide to care only for himself and kill everyone else. While Naruto could empathize with Gaara due to the shared pain stemming from similar situations, he also understood that their circumstances were entirely different at the time he met him. Naruto compared his own situation with Gaara's, stating that 'everyone' else had saved him from a dark and lonely hell, lumping the village together to contrast it with Gaara, who had no one still.

Naruto eventually said that Iruka and Sasuke were the ones who truly saved him after learning about different types of bonds and gaining a better understanding. However, the idea of being supported by so many people, (conditional or not) in contrast to Gaara, tore Naruto apart because he knows how unbearable it is to live that way. The Gaara he encountered during the exams represented Naruto's greatest fear for himself, and he began to feel guilty for having people around him, or even those who 'worship' him, as he felt it was unfair to Gaara. Despite his repressed emotions, Itachi's 'fear-inspiring Genjutsu' exposed Naruto's feelings and fears.

Naruto's efforts didn't just lead to a strong friendship; they also provided Gaara with hope. In this story, 'Hope' is perhaps the most important theme, a reason to live that is much more bearable. I wouldn't reduce all of this to Gaara merely 'worshipping' Naruto. Such analysis seems to miss the nuances of their complex bond regardless.

Naruto's sharing of joy also reflects his 'mysterious power.' He had mixed feelings about seeing Gaara advance so quickly as Kazekage but also genuinely felt happy for him. I genuinely believe that dismissing the Naruto-Gaara dynamic as mere 'worship' overlooks the significant impact Naruto had on Gaara and those around them. Which was extremely important to the story itself. I love the bond between Naruto and Gaara, but acknowledge it really isn't the same as the one with Sasuke. But considering their relationship, it's not surprising that Gaara might have a little crush on Naruto. However, it's not essential to insist on finding canonical evidence for this imo. While it's a plausible interpretation, I don't think that Gaara's feelings for Naruto are taken too seriously by most fans? Furthermore, Gaara's seeming 'pettiness' regarding Sasuke or Naruto's prioritization of him above others is not something anyone understood. The general consensus "for Naruto's sake" was that “Sasuke causes Naruto pain” (more like, Sasuke’s pain hurts Naruto because he loves him) so of course, Gaara's feelings were conflicted by his duty (getting rid of a 'criminal') and his friendship with Naruto (who will fight against such Shinobi duties because feelings are involved and they'll never be able to truly become emotionless tools-). Sasuke had attacked the summit after all, usually an immediate death sentence regardless of reason. Gaara is Naruto’s friend, it would be weird if he didn’t want to protect Naruto in return even against Sasuke, it's just that Naruto didn't see it the same way as everyone around him. THAT is frustrating!! Remember he told Naruto to really think about his friendship with Sasuke and what it meant? 👀 Like, "Naruto, you really want to do this? We are friends too, yeah? Doesn’t he cause you pain? Look at you... think about this carefully, kinda sus tbh. What’s this meaaann? I give my life for you, I will fight for you but what we do now huh?" Etc- 

In the end, Naruto is the protagonist of a Shonen story, serving as a measuring device to gauge the significance of events in the narrative. (This role is largely shared with Sasuke though). Naruto provides the reference point for understanding the story's relationships. The core message, typically related to positive change as defined by Naruto/the main character, is a fundamental aspect of these stories. What truly matters is why something is significant in the story and what it means to the characters. His bond with Gaara a huge part of it. And to a degree the others as well because that's kind of the point.... And it's not for nothing we haven't seen the same development with the villagers as a whole because it wasn't important to the story.... yet. (Should've been solved before he became Hokage though 😂 "Naruto-the-village-is-family-I-guess-cuz-former-hokage-said-so-Uzumaki." Bro.)

"only sasunaru fans do this, they think every man around naruto wants him and is jealous of sasuke and sasuke's not a good bf but all of that is pure projection and stupidity and they act like incels when they treat naruto like some helpless girl with her Chad bf who should instead be with the nice guys."

Ngl, I can't disagree with this one. Idk why the Naruto-bl-harem is so popular? And ok, have them all worship Naruto for all I care, but why is he always so....... dainty. Don't mind me some uwu-Naruto, he's cute alright, but.... no 😭 I don't even have words.

"Sasuke's the only special one bc their relationship is actually different and special. But even for him sometimes some sns fans reduce him to a naruto worshipper in sns fics."

I mean... to a certain degree. Define worshipping 👀 from what I can read about the true definition, their 'worshipping' is pretty mutual, but the difference lies in the foundation and the fact that it is unconditional. I know what you mean though, the Sasuke guilt tripping is real and a bit painful. Like? Isn't that Esaka's job?

"Or they talk about the "i'm in naruto's world, I'm blessed to exist" quote that seems an awful lot like idol worship."

UGH! 😓 This stupid non-canon quote. Did everyone forget who wrote this novel about Sasuke 'atoning for his sins'??? 😭 SPOILER: NOT KISHIMOTO. (Kinda want to read it though to fact-check some things.) There might be some truth in the words now that I have spent many months thinking about the blank period... but so does Naruto not want to live without Sasuke. As much as their world includes the other, they are still their own characters with their own goals in a Shinobi world with a system that would never allow them to truly live in each others' worlds fully anyway gerigjekrg3rhiqjkhmregqerigkjqrg;-; ok bye.

[bodies-needs-a-fandom]

Right, @brindlelogs got me onto the subject of Polly Harker, so give me a moment, I have some Things to Talk About. Bear with me, bc this is long as hell and I'm also pretty sick right now so I'm not very good at wording my thoughts.

here's a couple shots of Polly before leaving to kill Esther.

Nothin to see here, just an Evil Lady plotting Evil Deeds. Picking a shawl with which she can best take out an eleven-year-old girl. Filling chocolate with cyanide or some crap. Planning her 'nice old lady hiding in a station from bombs' persona before poisoning an innocent, scared kid.

She's good at it. She's sadistic, isn't she? Planning even her outfit as a means to 'disarm' her victim. But wait, hold up...

That's not the same shawl. That's the one that was least disarming.

Odd. Almost like Polly deeply does not want to do this. Almost like she's trying to sabotage her mission.

Honestly, the images don't convey it well enough. Greta Scacchi made a phenomenal performance here - you can hear the fear in Polly's voice, even though her face is mostly in shadow. She's stammering, she's unhappy. She clearly doesn't want to do this.

She's talking in the same tone she used when trying to calm Karl later on, which makes me think she was reassuring herself about her actions more than she was reassuring Karl.

Elias's justification for this cult is that the pain they cause will build a world without it. Its a brutal foundation for a beautiful future. (I dread to think how many times he told her it was 'just like the war') Polly's justification is similar - its all for the greater good, its just one child, it's no different to our soldiers in battle and everyone praises them for their honor, don't they?

Firstly, whoever put this in the script deserves a raise. And a slap in the face, because this made me sad.

I only realized how distraught she is upon rewatch - look at her, she's on the brink of tears! Her actions were sick and awful but gosh you can see her regretting them before she even kills Esther. The sadder part is that she doesn't really come to Elias, her husband, for comfort here. She's rambling on justifications which are probably parroted from his own words, and she's clearly deeply upset about the fate she must bring upon Esther but all Elias says back is 'the child won't feel a thing.'

Polly really is so brainwashed by Elias and its heartbreaking to watch her go from the sweet little piano player to this wicked old woman killing kids and threatening mothers and organizing evil doomsday cults with her evil doomsday husband. She's lying to herself just as much as Elias is and she knows it.

She makes deliberate choices to Not Kill Esther. Without Karl there, she never would have gotten into the station, and I like to think that was intentional too. Maybe she was stalling, hoping the gates would close without her there and 'oh dear, Elias, darling, I couldn't reach them'.

Of course, she did end up killing our baby, but like....... still. She's bending over backwards here to justify it and in the end she seems to do as many subtle things as she can to avoid doing what 'must be done.'

For all of future Polly's evil, and Alternate-Future-Polly's bitterness, underneath it all I think she's just as scared and sad as she was after learning the truth about her husband all those years ago. And I think even Original-Future-Polly was bitter about the way her life turned. She was just lied to enough that she knew how to do it to herself.

[crazycaoscornpop]

Hey, I know you apparently don't believe in the existence of God but I want to help you.

You may think this isn't too serious, but truly it is. People who don't believe in God won't go to heaven, and thats true pain. Once you see God's face when you enter the afterlife, you'll know he's real, but then you'll be sent away to never see him again.

I don't want to sound demanding, I'm not trying to scare you or sound crazy, I've just never had to have the talk before..

You can't see God, but you can see a king? Must you see to believe? You've got to have faith, faith in what is right. Don't question or neglect the existence of God, for he is true. He loves you, and you don't want the Holy Spirit inside you to die.

I pray for you, know that I do. I want you to be happy, and to stay with God.

I know you must be thinking that this is a bunch of crazy junk and a waste of time to read... but no. You have to try to believe, try to, and sure I've never had to convince an Atheist before but I'm trying now.

There is a heaven, there is a God, there is a Mary, there are angels, to see them you have to believe. Believe with all your heart for just a moment, you'll feel them. You may be able to see them. You have to have faith.

Miracles do happen, and I'm hoping for one right now, that you may go to God rather than to the king. God is the true king of all, and he wants you to remain with him.

Just please try to see, open your eyes, listen to the words of God.

A prayer, quick and easy you can say..

"Open my eyes lord, help me to see your face."

Now if you ignore all this or show hate towards me, that's ok. Just have a good day or night, I'm sorry if this made you upset. Be safe, take care, and remember...even if you think no one loves you, Jesus always will.

i beleaved in god for a while , but like dude . its not 1700 bc I don't need a god to feel happy , I can be happy with out him .

[lucihens]

Hi. I just want to somehow make catharsis about the whole Chenford break up going on and listen other takes on it.

Maybe Im just a girl going through Mercury Retrograde being delulu not wanting to aknowledge they are over. Having said that:

I just know this is not the end for them. But not for plot reasons that we are all speculating. I mean sure for plot reasons is necesary for Tim to get his shit together before taking the next step with Lucy (Eric said in his interview that Tim loves her and its seen in the lie detector scene and all the Tamara moving out storyline that has been going since last season they are sure heading to moving together). Also sure Lucy has suffered many things and is interesting to see her next steps.

But I just know this is for marketing reasons. They need the show to be renewed for another season and a massive cliffhanger like this one when there's a 3 weeks break between episodes where they know people will be engaged on it is a good way on getting that renewal.

They know people still watching the show because Chenford. They have stated they are endgame. But they are producers and writers and plan things ahead in order to keep the show going. Is just trust the process and the fact that they work on this and know what they are doing. I have seen many shows (most of them from ABC) to know they give the fans what they want bc in the end is a product that is sold and know that not doing something your target audience wants equals not product to be sold.

Also, even though Melissa and Eric had said that there are some things coming on Tim and Lucy on the season finale and blah blah blah. They are putting a lot of effort on the breakup promotionally speaking. The interviews released the second the episode finished, the TikToks from Melissa, the whole ice cream promo with letters to the cast about the breakup and they laughing and making jokes (also like the ig account still saying Chenford stan account) is more clear is about making the people engaged and furthermore, making the network renew the show for season 7. They are actors and know they must keep a good relationship with their fans (I mean if you make something that upset your fans then how would you keep getting called to act if you dont have people watching them for you and other actors can), what Im saying Is they are laughing and all of this because they know how it ends and know they end in a place where fans will love it, if not they are basically bullyng us lol.

So long story short: just keeping my peace of mind knowing it is just marketing. By the interviews we know somehow the season finale lets them in a good place, so if season 7 comes maybe we got time to see them making up with more time and development (things this season had been rushed bc the strike, not only here but in most shows) and if there's not season 7 it will end up with Chenford with a sort of an open finale where all points to them giving it another chance in their inmidate future.

Hope i made myself clear. Just wanted to vent haha. And lets chill and cross fingers for season 7 and an Oscar for Melissa and Eric because that break up was so CHEFF KISS like girlll I have felt that pain too.

hello dear anon! thank you for being my very first ask!

i hope you won't regret venting to me because this response ended up....well...extensive. i have many many things to say and a lack of adhd medication to contain them.

i would also like to note that i'm not at all experienced with writing think pieces on the internet. but even though i haven't written an essay since college, i can sure yap. and even though i'm a genius /s, this may not make sense to anyone. so here's what my chronic fatigue and i were able to conjure up:

yes, tv shows are primarily for an audience, whether writers and directors do accept that or not, that's what i'm guessing producers have in mind. tv is literally built 'for your viewing pleasure', and with this show in the past, and by past i mean season 5 especially (and the shock and surprise of 4x22), they (whoever they is) have been manically hitting that red button titled 'DO THE THING THEY WANT' just so they can say they did it and you as an audience can't complain. so yes in my experience, shows very often, if not always, write for an audience, otherwise the creators would just be giggling at themselves in their own private screening room at their custom, personalised tv show made only for them. when you give a show to the masses, it is, in certain ways, their's now. so going against everything an audience wants is certainly an interesting move, and since i have a common disease called 'being absolutely befuddled by the varying degrees of human nature' i don't know particularly what their aim is, what they're hoping this will provide an audience, as well as the show as a whole. what i do know however, is that there is not just one kind of audience, within the watchers of the rookie, there is obviously an abundance of angst lovers, an array of fluff lovers, complex think piece people, and apathetic 'this is what i fill the void of a tuesday night with' people (which is potentially what makes up a good portion of the viewers (?), not just the dedicated fandom we see on social media). with this in mind, the creators, the writers, are evidently incapable of satisfying every single diverse/contradictory demographic. so it's unclear which demographic they want to make happy at a given storyline. is this to give the angst lovers what they want? is this to give the comfortable fluff lovers a kick in the rear? or is this just to keep the average viewer interested in this ever-appealing show? i can't speak for them at all so i couldn't say which, but i also haven't a scooby doo. maybe others could give their opinion on which of these they think the creators are aiming for, because i couldnt tell you. then again, maybe it's all of them. maybe we let the rest of the season play out to completion, and we may know for sure. but marketing a show goes hand in hand with keeping the general audience as well as potential new viewers: 1. happy and excited, 2. interested in investing their time into the show. and given that season 6 is a short season: yes, i'm sure the marketing the break up is one of their best bets at keeping ratings up and viewers in, whether it comes directly from outrage or intrigue. and given how some other storylines seem to fall kind of flat (wink wink nol–), especially compared to last season, the initial lucy storylines and the now tim storylines are what is keeping up the hype for such a small season. and i'm sure (hoping) the other characters will have something to add to the s6 plate to further the impact of such a small season and the plots within. but for the most part 'chenford' is such an electric word. drop it in anywhere and the millions(?) who have ever laid eyes on the show just got a shock. and they know that, so of course they'll use it to their advantage in anyway they can.

and with this rambling: one thing i'm sure of, the only thing i'm sure of, is that yes: THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. and not just a slight admiration or a tinge of care. actual undying love. incomprehensible love. i don't know a lot about this topic but i definitely love to aggrandise the concept of love, and especially unto something harmless like fictional characters. in the real world, loving someone isn't always enough for sure. but not loving someone at all can also having no bearing in the upkeep of a relationship (i know this from personal experience). so whether or not two people end up together in real life, has no distinguished rule of 'do this and feel that and you'll be together forever'.

but this is fiction! WE make this stuff up. so we can do whatever we want! we can link A to B and say these characters love each other so they must end up together, and still be flawed along the way, because they are not real. so in my opinion the various ideas like "real relationships have people breaking up", "real relationships have people never getting back together", "real relationships have people never breaking up", and to follow, the incessant "real relationships have good communication!" don't matter anyway because ideas based reality have absolutely no impact in this fictional realm. yes bring in realism, be realistic if you want, but don't let reality dictate your fiction entirely (as well as the inverse). nor should you let reality make you want your fiction to be completely unreal. both fiction and reality have complexity in personality and characterisation. people have personalities and characters have characterisation. the one commonality is imperfection. but just because they are similar doesn't mean they have to be the same. it doesn't mean chenford are realistically doomed. and with this the plot that may unfold could be one unexpected, one unreal, or one completely real. tim and lucy could work through their own storylines, flaws and complexities separately and i'd be glad to see it.

i had a lot of issues with how fan service esque the initial 'canonisation' felt and maybe this is not just to market their show, but to finally listen to the majority of the audience, the particular audience that literally helps them market the show. aka the social media citizens. the ones who talk up a storm about what they love about the show and literally rope others into watching it. maybe they'll finally write them with more specific intentions this time, maybe this is what this is for. not just for drama but to give us what we wanted to watch in the first place but heavily missed out on: pining, feelings, dramatic reconciliation. who knows. we won't. not until the season is over and s7 inevitably comes (it's guaranteed).

i know many become angry with this show about what it does and doesn't do but one thing that helps me survive is this: it doesn't matter, the episodes exist anyway. they will continue to exist even if they don't have what we want. all we can do is feel every feeling this show evokes because that's really what it is to be entertained, at least for me. we're not the creators at the end of the day, no matter how much we've created. if something happens we don't like, we don't like it and we talk about how we don't like it. if we do like it, we talk about how we like it. and we praise the actors anyway, for the characters they bless us with. and the creatives, who gave us the masterpiece that is season 2.

and with that, i conclude. this definitely got away from me like the runaway train in my adhd brain. i wrote this sleepy and fatigued and i think i might be brain dead so if there are contradictions or things that make not a bit of sense feel free to call me out on it! especially those who are more experienced yappers, i'd definitely like to know what you disagree with or think has no place in this piece.

anyway, fin. thank you anon and TLDR; chenford will be fine and the show will always favour exploiting the most loved characters for marketing but with every PR box of ice cream sent and every article written brings in one more viewer to our beloved show and at least we'd stand a chance of a season 10.

[bonesandthebees]

Ider if i told u but i got my wisdom teeth removed today and that shit was the worst experience of my life ohmygod

The actual procedure went okay, though like i took an anti anxiety med that was supposed to knock me out but i was Fully Conscious LMFAO AND SO I ASKED THEM TO GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE BUT THEY WERE LIKE "naur bro ur fine" BC I WSNT FREAKING OUT A TON DJFKGKF WHICH I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR (tho it turned out to be a good thing bc those meds ended up making me . Hashtag emetophobia tw ifykwim)

BUT YEAH THE RECOVERY PROCESS WAS SHITTTT THEY TOLD ME I COULD TAKE OUT THE GAUZE IN 2 HRS AND SLEEP BC I WAS VERY TIRED BUT NOOOO IT WOUKDNT HEALLL FOR A WHOLE SIX ASS HOURS

Ahem sorry for yelling i was just very . Upset bc i wanted to sleep or even just drink fucking water man

BUT I DIDDD EVENTUALLY I DIDD WE REJOICEEE i think there was still a little bit of blood but i couldnt taste it anymore and i was really thirsty so shfkfkf and food (literally just broth lmao) made me feel a lot better so that's good

But yeah . -1100000 experience i would literally never recommend it (unless u have to, also from who I've talked to almost everyone else has had a better experience than me so if u are scared, do not worry king it won't be that bad. And even if it is like me, im here!! And alive!! And the nausea wasnt that bad, it kinda just came and went. Much better than migraines bro fr, migraines suck BALLS)

Like everyone kept telling me to watch a movie but that was stressing me out so what i ended up doing wss putting on a podfic (passerine podcast on yt woot woot, i listened to change fate by sircantus) and man it's actually wild how much it helped me. It helped calm my anxiety AND distract me from the pain. Once i did that existing felt less like suffering and more like an annoyance ahahah

OUGH I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY SILLY GOOFY MOMENTS EITHER BC I WASNT LOOPY AT ALL JUST TIRED DHFJFK

Anyways ty for letting me get that out of my system LMAOO

oh man this sounds literally horrible I'm so sorry icy 😭 that sucks that you weren't able to knock out even a little bit but at least the procedure itself wasn't horrible

god that sounds terrible though just sitting there for 6 hours waiting to be able to take the gauze out. that's so strange that it took so long. but at least you were able to listen to passerine podcast that's nice!!

everyone I know whose gotten their wisdom teeth removed had a better experience than this I am so sorry you got so unlucky.

I'm very grateful that I'm never gonna have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had soooo much horribly painful dental work done to my mouth throughout my entire teen years that I now genuinely get bad anxiety anytime I'm in a dentist office even if I'm not there for myself, I straight up was getting anxious when I took my grandma there for a cleaning the other day 😭 and I keep putting off a recommended (minor) procedure bc of this anxiety it's badddd

I hope you're feeling better now though!!

[trips-reciclados]

grief is so stupid. It's nonsense, it's been three months and I'm fucking still reeling and it's so deep rooted I don't know what to do with myself. Can't think about it too much bc now it's bringing up old, old, old pain for decade-old losses. It's so weird how I'd never thought before today to mourn my grandfathers as an adult. Teenage me witnessed their deaths in a teenage way. Why am I crying about them right now. Why does it feel like I *just* realized I lost my grandpas. How am I going to cope with losing more and more people, that I'm closer and closer with. How do people not just lose their minds, how does everyone function.

I've been set off by the dumbest things these past three months. Like, full-on sobbing over a mediocre 75-cent cherry pie from goddamn walmart kind of thing. But it's been a good few weeks and I, like, idk, for some reason I thought that part of it was over now. *Shocked* to discover this shit doesn't follow a linear progression. Stupid.

I miss my aunt, man.

We weren't even close how I'd have liked for us to be, how I think we could've been. I didnt know her deeply, she didn't know me much either. But she was funny and generous, and such a thoughtful person, and a brat to her big brothers, and a little too mean to her husband, and a little crazy about her dog. She was proud of being an honest, hard worker, but you could tell it gutted her to see her kids choosing the same retail hell she had no choice but to endure. I hope my cousins find their happiness, but she won't know it if they do. I miss how she wanted things to be soft and sweet and comfortable, but her jokes had more than a bit of a bite to them. It made me sad how nobody else would laugh with her about her death. She earned that gallows humor, dammit, and her delivery was impeccable. I hope she knew I loved her.

I am still so upset about all the times I didnt reach out. And all the times we did hang out, except not really, because we were at my parents' house and I was busy being well-behaved. My mother's daughter, so polite when there's company. Like I'm not a grown woman.

I'm fucking sad.

And yeah, I think I'm grieving three people tonight. I hadn't cried about my grandpas in years, I hadn't thought to mourn them since. But it's different, getting to know your older relatives as an adult, a peer. And I never got to do that with them, and I really, really wish I had.

And I think that's what I'm grieving, with them.

I'll get around to honoring their memory and thinking of the good times. I'll call my grandmas tomorrow. But right now I think I just needed to work through this.

[msookyspooky]

maybe later on we could have a better look into billy's psychosis?

i would never survive this cause my psychosis makes me so paranoid sometimes i cannot leave my house. if someone so much as hinted anyone as the killer it would be game over, i can't sleep, i think everything is poisoned and im convinced im always being followed. i can recognise when it's a delusion normally but that doesn't make it any less real. if you tell someone with psychosis that there hallucinations/delusions are not real it's very bad, it's like if someone told you that the sky doesn't exist.

a thing with my psychosis that i would like to think billy experiences is forgetting. i don't want him to be in distress but i would quite like some representation because i want to relate to him more. if someone has hurt me or made me upset sometimes i will just forget. i will associate them with pain but i won't remember what they have done, it really sucks. i most likely remember after a while though. it just feels invalidating and i think that i did something. sometimes i have an episode or really bad anger and my coping is pretty self destructive.

if you don't think it's right for his character or this didn't make sense then ignore me. i hope you are doing well, i love your writing. <3

Sorry, I've had such a busy week! Grandpa in the hospital with pneumonia, driving 30 min away twice a day everyday to take care of his pets, family friend has uterine cancer and my mom is driving her to her surgery and were both helping her out at home this week and weirdly enough my great uncle had been battling cancer for 5 years (Terminal. He's on his death bed basically. He only weighs 95 lbs now.) and has medical psychosis now.

His body has been through so much that one day his mind just snapped for lack of a better word. He walked in the hospital fine and completely his regular self before a surgery and then within an hour of waiting he started screaming and thrashing that he was in a bus and kids were going to get ran over. It scared my aunt to death bc he wasn't my uncle in that moment and none of us have ever seen him like that before. He's home and doing much better. He knows who you are has complete clarity but he is absolutely terrified now of my aunt leaving his side 💔 He got so angry and scared when she left and one of us watched him in her place (He can't hardly walk) but yet that day he made all these appointments and paid bills before my aunt even got up and made a ton of phone calls he just doesn't want her to ever leave...Ik I shouldn't laugh but I gotta find something to laugh about in this situation and he was talking to us calm as can be on the phone and just casually mentioned. "Yeah, ya know she has me in a box underground, right? These fucking abortion nurses are stealing fetuses and they got me locked in a god damn box bc they couldn't steal mine."

...We just rolled with it but omfg I'm glad we know he has psychosis rn bc I can't imagine a stranger calling me and telling me that 🥴☠️ I just have to laugh and so did my aunt bc she's so defeated and tired seeing him like that and taking care of him that we have to find some humor in this especially since he's not scared about it just not connecting certain dots and he only gets scared when she leaves for groceries or anything like that bc that's when the paranoia sets in. And it's just disheartening to see him in this mental state sometimes

I know that psychosis is different in everyone and medical psychosis might not be the same as the psychosis you're dealing with and that there's varying levels and that most psychosis especially medical or stress can go away within time and on proper medication. Now, idk much about psychosis brought on by having other psychological disorders or if there are forms of psychosis that never goes away?? I'm more than eager to learn from your perspective bc I definitely hc Billy is my story as having psychosis similar to his future daughter Sam but he just won't admit it and that maybe it's lessened since his Mom's death or gotten worse; either way. Maybe both? Bc now I could see his paranoia heightening from cops, betrayal, etc.

Sadly tho, this story is from YN POV

I fully understand wanting to relate to him but I feel like that can be hard to do bc from not only who I've known irl with psychosis and what I'm trying to educate myself on is everyone's symptoms and degrees of the symptoms are different. Plus, it's hard to do with YN being the POV and the only canon mental issues she has is PTSD, Anxiety and probably High Functioning Depression from what she's went through (Of course anyone is free to add in their own to personalize the experience while reading) and people thought she had psychosis from Billy and Stu purposely trying to make her doubt herself as well as others doubt her in Windsor. So, that makes it hard to show Billy's POV in detail.

I'm sure tho later on a short story will come along the way and I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience with psychosis so I can add it into Billy's character. 🖤🖤🖤

[monstraduplicia]

wild to me just how much dean and sam are the story of the prodigal son. like essentially a man has two sons, one dutiful, one rebellious. man has an inheritance. dutiful son stays with the father and works hard, hoping to get the inheritance by showing his love and hard work for the father. rebellious son fucks off in resentment for having to ever fight for the inheritance anyway. but rebellious son returns. he returns and is great, even better than dutiful son, and he asks for forgiveness and the father forgives him of course and gives him the inheritance, not the dutiful son. dutiful son is of course upset but the story really ends there. father (God) always forgives the truly repentant. father (God) always loves even the fallen sheep.

so, clearly, sam is the prodigal son, dean the dutiful son.

sam doesnt like hunting life from the beginning. questions everything. fights with john until finally leaving. dean, clearly, is the dutiful son. follows johns orders believes in john wears his clothes and drives his car and even fights with his brother, his soulmate, bc father needs defending. father needs to be worshipped.

but, despite this, john always chooses sam. sure, dean gets the superficial support. he gets john's jacket and john's car and they bond by hunting and music and ganging up on sam. but time and time again john puts sam over dean. take care of sammy. save sammy. how could you, a child, almost let a monster take sammy? john uses the colt to save sam, using one of the few bullets they have, but won't stop to take a clearly dying dean to the hospital. john forces dean to give up his childhood so john can hunt and drink and do whatever absent fathers do bc obsession is more important than his children

this is because of love. john loves dean, clearly, but dean is too much like him and john hates himself, so that resentment runs into his image of dean. i made dean this way, so i hate dean. sam, though, is different. he hates everything john is too, which means he has hope. he can get out. he can have a future. he isnt lost like dean (yet). so john favors him innately. and sam doesn't know this, thinks John hates him and thinks him a failure (bc john pitted the boys against each other, much like prodigal father) but the effects are still subconsciously there. he doesn't realize a kind, sweet moment with his father is really demon-in-a-dad-suit. dean does. bc he knows john would never say he was proud of him. sam doesn't know this until dean points it out.

but this is John Winchester, so his love for sam isn't love. it's messy and toxic (as in corrosive, acidic, leaving long-lasting scars or destruction) it's obsession. possession. ownership. i love sam bc he is Mine. he is mine and the fact that he wants to leave makes me want him more. dig my claws into him. ruin him with my love, with years of silence and years of micromanaging and obsessive parenting. ruin him with my death

yes, sam is the prodigal son, but all he inherits is pain, guilt, and shame. when your father is not kind, his love is not a blessing, but a curse.

[landonkirbyappreciation]

Whenever I see someone say that they have to make Landon a Phoenix again I get so upset because of their reason(me personally believes he still is and he just has to reactive it but it won't be as simple as the first time and it would take a bit longer. Since we don't truly know what the golden arrow actually did and everyone just assumed it made him "human". I'm still mad that they didn't run any tests on the arrow or Landon to make sure. But more upset that this is one the questions we'll never get an answer to, but anyways). Their reason is that as long as Landon is a human and is dating Hope than he can be used against Hope as leverage or killed to hurt her etc. And the reason that upsets me is bc 1. They're making sound like Landon is weak and useless when in reality it's the opposite powers or no powers it's his mind that makes him strong and his ability to figure stuff out when no else can(ie 4x06 when he figure out when Ted's friend couldn't find peace. Or when he figured out that the monster was a nighthag back in s1 and so on) but it's also who he is as a person that makes strong(I mean he survived a lifetime of nonstop trauma without it turning him into a bad person. I just wish to show would show more of his trauma and him dealing with it but that's another story). Sure he might not be able to take down the bad guy using his fists, but that's never really been Landons style he only use that as a last resort or if there truly wasn't another way. I don't know maybe I'm just one of those people who believes that someone doesn't have to have superpowers in order to be powerful and strong.

2. Their reason can literally be used about any Hope ship or anyone Hope may or may not date. Or even if it's not romantic and it's just in a friendship/family way bc no is all powerful that nothing can sub do them or kill them. If it's one of the Hope and twins ship. If there's nothing around for them to siphon then they have no way to defend themselves. Someone can just lock them away and easily kill them whenever they feel like it. If it's a vampire shoot them up with vervain nonstop and stabbed them through the heart. Same thing with a werewolf but with wolfsbane. And if it's someone in her family all they had to do is get their hands on a dagger and Marcel's venom and that would be that.

I want Landon to be Phoenix again too(and I feel like he might be when comes out of limbo and if not by then, then by the end of the season) but I just don't agree with that reason. Because it feels like once again people in the fandom are downplaying how strong Landon really is.

Any thoughts??

I totally agree with you and that’s something that has bothered me since s2 because that’s not even just a thing that fans talk about, but it’s been said in the show as well. In s2, starting in the second half of the season, they kept talking about how Landon was weak, he didn’t have any useful powers, he wasn’t one of the heroes, yada yada. Which just emphasizes this idea that you’ve gotta have powers to be strong and be the hero and that Landon is weak, which is so not true. Because like you said, his mind and who he is as a person makes him strong. He uses his smarts, and has time and time again, to help save the day. And the fact that he is a survivor and has experienced so much pain and trauma and hasn’t let that stop him from being a good person. So I completely agree that he doesn’t need superpowers to be powerful and strong. Idk how this show went from Hope telling Landon in s1 that he’s a survivor and one of the strongest people she knows, to the kinda crap they put into s2, so frustrating. Though I do also understand that Landon wanted to learn how to fight in 2x10 in order to be able to get stronger physically and defend himself that way, and so that Hope wouldn’t have to worry as much. But then Hope didn’t want to do that, but they could have done that and had him being able to defend himself physically more, without any powers, but they didn’t. Instead they gave him more phoenix powers, which I loved, but it’s the fact that it took him gaining more powers for them to assume that he was the “hero who rises,” again, emphasizing that him having supernatural powers is what made him a hero. And then not long after, they took those powers away (which, as you said, we may never understand how, since they won’t explain the golden arrow. It bugs me too that they just quickly assumed he was “human,” like we’re supposed to believe these characters wouldn’t be doing more to figure out what had happened). And then I honestly thought that Landon’s storyline in s3 was gonna be about him getting stronger physically and learning how to defend himself on his own, making him even stronger overall, without any powers. That’s what we were led to believe, with what he said in his letter at the end of 3x06, with him finding his own way home. And we assume that he did, except for Hope helping by opening the rift, but he did survive all that time, became the hunter, etc. And I thought they’d also then show more of his mental strength with Malivore possessing him as well and with him fighting against him mentally. And that with all that, both Landon and Hope were gonna take down Malivore together. But no, the writers purposefully left Landon out of it entirely, when he should’ve been part of it and working with Hope and he could have done so much. He could’ve played a huge part in defeating Malivore, not just by dying again. And all of that would have also fit with Dorian saying “you’re still one of the heroes, no matter what” as well. They build up all this stuff and do nothing with it. Such wasted opportunities, it’s insane. And the way that they’ve continued to ignore Landon’s experiences in the prison world and all he went through while possessed (we saw a glimpse of him trapped in a closet, what else did he experience?) and just how strong he has been and might not address it at all and just give him his powers back? Like, I’m all for him getting his powers back, but how about first acknowledging the mental and physical strength it took him to survive all of s3 instead of once again skipping over it? Which is far more important and valuable than his phoenix powers imo?

And very true about how him being used as leverage could apply to anyone Hope cares about. You’re right, basically everyone Hope cares about has weaknesses and could end up being in danger, it’s not just Landon. But unfortunately the show has encouraged that idea as well by having Landon being the one in danger so they can force these situations where Hope has to choose between saving Landon or others, which is so unnecessary. I thought they were finally gonna move past that in s3 as well, but nope. Again, they could have had Landon and Hope working together against Malivore which could have solved the issue of Landon being in danger, but no, they chose to have him die again instead.

And same, I want Landon’s phoenix powers back too and I think it’s likely he’ll get them at some point this season. But it’s not that I want him to have them because I don’t think he’s strong without them, I think he’s plenty strong without them and I don’t even necessarily need him to be a phoenix at all. But it’s been established that that’s part of who he is and I don’t like them making that a huge thing and starting to explore it only to cut it off. So I want to see that continue to be explored, plus I think it would be really cool to see. So those are my main reasons for wanting it (and him being immortal is another plus). But yeah, I feel the same way and don’t like people dismissing Landon’s strength that he’s had all along without any powers.

[reachfolk]

❥ prompt: lights (for 25DaysofTESCheer!)

✿ tags: hurt/comfort, not proof or beta read bc im lazy <3 yet again

❥ word count: 2.1k

✿ synopsis: robin has always hated the new life party at the thalmor embassy, but there was one redeeming feature

❥ author’s notes: the light part comes in for like... five seconds, mostly because the build up took forever. enjoy some mother-son not-so-bonding <3 also sorry i forgot to add a read more earlier omg

✿ taglist: @korvanjund (let me know if anyone else wants to be added!)

"What in Oblivion were you thinking?"

Isobel's voice was controlled and levelled so as to not raise alarms through the rest of the Blue Palace, but the anger within it was impossible to miss as she scolded her son. Robin sat at the foot of the bed of the largest guest room, where his parents were sleeping in for the night courtesy of the Jarl Elisif and her court.

"I was thinking how unfair it is that we get to attend a stupid, overly elaborate party while people in this very city go cold and hungry," Robin argued, just as angrily but much more pronounced about it. His voice carried through the hall of the castle even through the closed door.

"Keep your voice down, child," Isobel ordered, but he only scoffed. Regardless, she continued, "Your first instinct was to rob the temple? Honestly, Robin, what's gotten into you?"

"I wouldn't have gotten caught if you didn't send the guard to fetch me."

She snapped back, "I wouldn't have needed to send the guard to get you if you'd just stayed in place."

"We made a big show of giving to the temple when we both know they had no plans to put any of their donations to good use. I was cutting out the middleman."

His excuse sent his mother pacing across from him as she rubbed at her tired eyes with the balls of her hands. "I didn't raise you to be a thief, Robin."

"Yes, you did!" He countered, standing up and getting in her way to meet her gaze. "All of us are thieves! You, dad, our uncles, everyone in this fucking palace! We just get to make laws to pretend we aren't as bad as the thugs that roam the streets."

"I am not having this conversation with you again," she said, firmly.

"Good," he huffed. "Then are we done here?"

His mother sighed, knowing there was no progress to be made here. "Just go to your room. Maybe your sisters can talk some sense into you."

Robin rolled his eyes. "Gladly." He gave her an exaggerated bow as he walked backwards out of the door. As soon as he cracked the door open from behind him, he heard the sound of two people falling to the ground.

"Ow!"

"Agh!"

His two sisters groaned in pain as the door hit them where they were clearly eavesdropping. Robin sneered at the sight.

"Hope you two enjoyed the show"

He didn't give them a chance to reply as he stepped over them and made his way around the corner. From the direction he was going, it was clear he wasn't following his mother's order to go to his room.

As the two girls scrambled to their feet, they chased after him, catching up just as he was leaving the front doors of the Blue Palace.

"You two don't know when to quit, do you?" As he stepped out of the building, he let the door close behind him, and Marceline had to push it back open.

"As if you're any better," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Look, I know what you're trying to do, but I don't want to hear it, okay?" He said, his voice dipping quieter and almost embarrassed, as if implying that he was upset was shameful.

"Then we won't say a thing," Alexandria promised. "Let's just get to the embassy and tough through it, okay?"

Robin truly did make an effort to give his older sister a smile, but he could only get part way there before his sour mood ruined the attempt. That, he expected, was roughly as good as the New Life celebration would go for him.

They boarded the carriage, arriving at the embassy with only a few seconds to spare. And as the party went on, Robin found his prediction very much was correct.

He'd always felt out of place at these functions, but most of all at the Thalmor embassy. The eyes of the guards trailed him everywhere he went, leaving him feeling exposed. It was the worst feeling he could think of, to be so seen.

He spend much of the party with his sisters, refusing to mingle with all the people that, at one point or the other in the evening, had given him a look of judgement or distrust. Odds are, they were making accurate judgements, but it hurt nonetheless.

While his sisters trailed off to mingle—they were always more sociable than he—Robin was left to stare down at the snack in his hands. An overly-sugary sweetroll that he took nibbles from.

"Looks like you're enjoying yourself."

He was startled out of his brooding thoughts by his twin sister's sarcastic comment. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead matched her sarcasm.

"Oh, yes. Nowhere else I'd rather be."

"Oh, I can tell," Marceline said. Dropping the sarcasm and lowering her volume, she asked, "Seriously, how bad do you want to get out of here?"

"It's taking every ounce of willpower I have to not bolt out into the wilderness."

"Good." Marceline grinned. "Then I have an idea. Follow my lead."

"What are you doing this ti—"

Before he could finish his statement, Marceline collapsed into his arms, a tired expression on her face.

Ah, the medical emergency card. A classic.

He never understood how his sister could do this so easily. Even her face was paler, and her breathing slower, as if she truly had fainted.

A crowd formed around them both, and their mother told everyone to back off and give Marceline some room to breathe. She demanded a guard pick her up and take her to one of the many bedrooms at the embassy, and Elenwen nodded hesitantly to him as she looked at the child.

Before long, the whole family were guided to the second building in the back of the embassy, where the bedrooms for foreign diplomats that came and went were located. Marceline lay on the bed, and she smiled at Isobel, who had been dabbing a wet cloth to her forehead.

"I'll be okay," Marceline promised with a half-smile. "You can all go back, if you need."

"Absolutely not," Isobel said. "Oh, you know how it is around crowds. It gets so stuffy. Do you need some fresh air? Or some water? I could have the servant fetch you some—"

"Mama, I'm alright," she gave a tired laugh. "You and dad have important things to do. Just let Lex and Robin stay."

Isobel hesitated, but gave in eventually. "Okay. But if you need anything, tell us, okay?" She pressed a kiss to her daughter's head before heading out with Branor, leaving the three siblings alone.

As soon as the door shut, Marceline dropped the act and sat up, grinning. She gave a half-bow from where she sat. "Thank you, thank you. Please, hold the applause."

"You're milking it," Alexandria said, but she too was grinning.

"It was some of my finest work. Oh, but who am I kidding. All my work is fine." She leaned back against the headrest with her arms behind her head. "You can both start thanking me now."

"Gods, you're the worst," Robin said as he rolled his eyes. Regardless, he gave her a quick hug. "I'm gonna get some fresh air."

"We'll join you in a bit," Alexandria said. "Mimi needs to "heal up," but we're not missing the fireworks show."

Robin nodded, then opened the door as soon as Marceline got back into position. There were two guards standing at the door, both of whom looked suspiciously at Robin as he exited. "Can I ask where you're going, my Lord?"

"I need some fresh air," he said plainly.

"This area is technically off-limits, save for the one exception for your sister."

"Do you want another one of us to faint?"

The guard sighed and gestured to his partner to follow Robin. Robin rolled his eyes as the man armed to the teeth trailed behind him.

"I'm really only planning to watch the fireworks. It'll be quite the boring post," he said as he pushed the doors open, once again letting them fall behind him before the guard could exit himself.

"I'm just doing my duty, milord," the guard said with the typical passive-aggressive lilt in his voice that Robin recognized in all Thalmor.

"Of course you are."

Robin found a place along the veranda overlooking the courtyard, dusted off the snow, and hopped up onto the cold stone fence.

Unlike most nights, the sky was dull and fairly boring this evening. Both moons in their new phase, leaving an emptiness in their place, and the cloudy weather hid away the usual colored canvas of the night sky. But it would only last so long, because soon enough, there would be...

An explosion sounded from the other building, then a yellow light shot high into the air with an extended whoooosh. Higher and higher, until it burst into an array of lights, the sparks gently falling to the ground like bright snowflakes.

The fireworks. Also known as the singular redeeming feature of these damned events. Robin adored them. Even the smell of the smoke that wafted through the air was oddly comforting.

"Can I join you?" Isobel's voice called from behind him.

Great. Just what he needed. "If you must," he muttered, flicking at the snow on his side.

"I noticed you didn't eat much, so I got you a snack." Beside him, she placed a small plate of food. Mostly sliced fruit—apples, grapes, a few carrot sticks, but there was also a sweetroll and honey nut treat.

"Thanks," he said plainly, but made no move to grab any food for himself.

He could feel his mother's eyes on him, but he kept his own focused on the fireworks above.

"I know what that was all a lie, you know," she whispered.

The statement caught him off guard, and he turned to look at her, shocked. "When did you figure it out?"

"When Marceline started whispering to you at the party."

Robin flushed, and he hoped his mother would blame it on the cold air.

"Wanna know a secret?"

He nodded.

"I hate those parties too," she admitted in a quiet voice, such that the guard standing watch across the veranda couldn't hear. "It's why I finished my business there and insisted I check on Mimi again. I knew she didn't need it, but every other person in that room is a snake."

Robin was once again taken aback by his mother's words. "So you're where Mimi gets her acting skills from?"

Isobel laughed. "I suppose I must be."

"Why, then?" He asked. "Why do you put up with these functions at all?"

She sighed and began drawing shapes in the snow. "You know how it is with these people. One wrong move and you're gone. Staying in their favor is the only way for us to keep our heads above water."

"Then why put up with me?" The question came quietly, his voice barely audible over the loud bangs of the fireworks above them.

She furrowed her brows and stepped closer. "Just what are you on about?"

He didn't want to go explaining himself, but he supposed he was backed into a corner here. "Everyone here thinks of me as some lowly thief. Maybe I was always meant to be. We aren't exactly cut from the same cloth, so what's in it for you to care?"

Isobel's expression hardened, her concern replaced with determination. "Robin," she sighed, grasping his hand. "Our family is the only thing left that I care about. You're the reason I do any of this. Don't go doubting what you mean to me."

Despite all his desire to believe that, his heart wouldn't allow him. He could only offer her a small hum in return, not meeting her gaze. He felt a kiss to the back of his hand, then the feeling of it being pressed against his mother's forehead. The gesture, warm and familiar and so reminiscent of a home he never got to know, made him smile.

"I love you, understand?" his mother said, firmly. He was familiar with the tone all too well, but it usually came with a sense of anger behind it. He liked this more. The words felt not like a gentle cradle, but a tight hug, and it felt right.

"I know," he said. And no matter how awful his mood, or how terrible the fight they had gotten into, he would always say, "I love you too."

[foxymoxynoona]

Kay I didn't clarify but in the light of your recent post here, I feel like I should.

I'm mad at Isabella because of how she treated Jungkook, not necessarily bc she stopped her orgasm (which, yes, i guess is weird to me, but I won't pretend like I can ever empathize with her fully bc i haven't gone through anything like what she has, so yeah.)

But the way her mind works ?? How in the world can one take someone's words (someone who's tried their best to be nothing but canring and understanding for quite a while now) and twist them so much in their head that they sound so negative when they're actually the opposite...

And asking him to leave the room??? Treating the bj situation like it was a joB he expected her to do or smth?? I know i'm paraphrasing but it legit felt like, 'Okay you came, i did my part, why do you bother me now?' - that's just rude imo. Dismissing his efforts and feelings like that.. He's actually TRYING way more than before to TALK to her and understand her and she just.. ???

She just projected the anger she felt toward her own insecurities on him. And that's not fair.

Yeah, that's why I'm mad.

-👀(currently feeling more like: 😑)

I'm glad you said more! I think it's totally worth talking about JK's experience in this, sure! I am actually really happy for you if your mind has never done the mental gymnastics to make something neutral or positive into a negative, I mean that sincerely! I think it's a pretty common trauma response, because you get used to everything being a threat even if it sounds nice --remember she's had two shitty abusive exes by this point, who I'm sure smiled plenty as they said things she took at face value only to be very wrong.

I also don't know about you, but I'm not usually at my best to talk about painful or unsettling emotions when I'm already overwhelmed. I can see why you would find it off-putting she asked him to leave the room, but I think that one's a different in how people process emotion. Some people want someone close for comfort, others want to be able to retreat.

Is is specifically when she accused him of bullying her that you're talking about? Because she said that right after she admitted something that made her feel very vulnerable "You got me really close really fast and it kind of freaked me out because I’m not used to that. I told you the truth, I don’t orgasm a lot." You'll see this pattern a lot with her. A beautiful but tragic part of Isabella's journey right now is that she does still want that connection, she's still clinging to the hope that things with JK can be different than anything she's had in the past. But as soon as she takes a step in that direction, experience tries to push her down again, and she reacts.

As for the blowjob, you bet she saw that as transactional! Multiple times in this story she has offered bjs as thank yous, and here she kind of offered it as an apology for disrupting sex. And she hoped that would satisfy him and be the end of it. It's probably not the first time she's tried to settle perceived upset/anger with sex. Instead of "why are you still bothering me?" (which honestly I just don't see), try thinking of it as "what else do you want from me?" It's a nuanced response, because it could sound exasperated but also sad. She let him cum, she did the thing, didn't she? Men just want to cum? Isn't he happy with her now? These are the rules she learned sex by.

Also, just to equalize a little, JK did snap at her a couple times here. He also pushed her to talk about multiple things after she'd asked him not to push those things right now. She is within her right to say she doesn't want to talk about something traumatic right now and ask him to drop it and they can talk about it later. We know his intentions are good, and totally valid to say maybe they shouldn't have had sex until they had more communication and trust in place! He's in solver mentality, but this isn't something JK can "solve," though creating a loving and secure and safe space for her will definitely help her.

"She just projected the anger she felt toward her own insecurities on him. And that's not fair." This is a good note too, and also a very relatable one for most of us, and believe it or not, as long as it doesn't become habit and take over, it's a sign of growth. Do you know why kids behave more terribly for their moms than anyone? Because it's the first relationship they feel safe to push boundaries and act out in, because they feel that the love is unconditional. If you read the things she says in this chapter through the lens of "there is no one in Isabella's life who has ever truly been there for her except her late father", it gets really sad, really fast. But she is saying actually a lot to JK about her fears and insecurities here. She's setting boundaries and hoping he'll actually respect them. We definitely aren't to a healthy, happy place, but there's a lot of development here beneath the surface! And, just as importantly, JK has learned to recognize her defensive outbursts for what they are. So he doesn't see a woman being cruel to him, he sees a scared child having a tantrum (forgive the analogy of a toddler, but I hope you understand what I mean.) It's not something you want to be a permanent habit, but him not letting that "end his love" immediately... that's starting to look like unconditional love to Isabella.

OK OK this was long sorry! Feel free to send me further thoughts! <3

[suhnnyskiess]

That's exactly it, my curiosity is what pushes me to watch it even when I know I'm gonna be upset by what I see!

And oh boy, I finally finished the show, and DAMN those last few episodes were hard to get through. :( Like, a lot of the hard parts were things I knew were coming, but I didn't know exactly HOW they were gonna happen and the circumstances they happened in made them much more painful than I was expecting. You know?

Also.... how far are you? Because I have something to say about the favorite characters I had over the course of the show but I don't wanna spoil anything about some characters if you haven't gotten to that point yet

- 🧚‍♀️

I think the last thing i saw was when the cop guy disguises himself as one of the red hoodie guys(?) Like they go back to the game i think and he's like "oooohhh this shits bad"

And honestly speaking im both glad that you enjoyed it even if it was kinda hard to get through bc that's the point of shows! but at the same time I'm scared™ LIKE i think i won't be able to see/hear anything until i finish all my assignments in a week or so but still im not looking forward to crying or feeling scared👍

but if im too behind you can still tell me(?) in an ambiguous way(?) I don't want to hold you back but ksksksm i also don't want to know, yet, feel me? 😭😭😭

(also! Hope you've had a good day bee!! @bangchan-fairy )