#blame this on house of leaves and supernatural brainrot

[monstraduplicia]

wild to me just how much dean and sam are the story of the prodigal son. like essentially a man has two sons, one dutiful, one rebellious. man has an inheritance. dutiful son stays with the father and works hard, hoping to get the inheritance by showing his love and hard work for the father. rebellious son fucks off in resentment for having to ever fight for the inheritance anyway. but rebellious son returns. he returns and is great, even better than dutiful son, and he asks for forgiveness and the father forgives him of course and gives him the inheritance, not the dutiful son. dutiful son is of course upset but the story really ends there. father (God) always forgives the truly repentant. father (God) always loves even the fallen sheep.

so, clearly, sam is the prodigal son, dean the dutiful son.

sam doesnt like hunting life from the beginning. questions everything. fights with john until finally leaving. dean, clearly, is the dutiful son. follows johns orders believes in john wears his clothes and drives his car and even fights with his brother, his soulmate, bc father needs defending. father needs to be worshipped.

but, despite this, john always chooses sam. sure, dean gets the superficial support. he gets john's jacket and john's car and they bond by hunting and music and ganging up on sam. but time and time again john puts sam over dean. take care of sammy. save sammy. how could you, a child, almost let a monster take sammy? john uses the colt to save sam, using one of the few bullets they have, but won't stop to take a clearly dying dean to the hospital. john forces dean to give up his childhood so john can hunt and drink and do whatever absent fathers do bc obsession is more important than his children

this is because of love. john loves dean, clearly, but dean is too much like him and john hates himself, so that resentment runs into his image of dean. i made dean this way, so i hate dean. sam, though, is different. he hates everything john is too, which means he has hope. he can get out. he can have a future. he isnt lost like dean (yet). so john favors him innately. and sam doesn't know this, thinks John hates him and thinks him a failure (bc john pitted the boys against each other, much like prodigal father) but the effects are still subconsciously there. he doesn't realize a kind, sweet moment with his father is really demon-in-a-dad-suit. dean does. bc he knows john would never say he was proud of him. sam doesn't know this until dean points it out.

but this is John Winchester, so his love for sam isn't love. it's messy and toxic (as in corrosive, acidic, leaving long-lasting scars or destruction) it's obsession. possession. ownership. i love sam bc he is Mine. he is mine and the fact that he wants to leave makes me want him more. dig my claws into him. ruin him with my love, with years of silence and years of micromanaging and obsessive parenting. ruin him with my death

yes, sam is the prodigal son, but all he inherits is pain, guilt, and shame. when your father is not kind, his love is not a blessing, but a curse.