#I hope to god we vote this fucker out soon

[yearning-butch]

Living in an era of social media and the internet is great for staying informed but I am so tired and so scared and so stressed about so many things I’m powerless to do anything about. Realistically I know sharing information and voting helps but I feel so insignificant in the grand scheme of things

[genuflectx]

4th Dimensional Being/OC - CH3

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 

Full Length: 19,543 Chapter Length:  2,218

Main Themes: Other dimensions, tentacles, confinement, nsfw Other Warnings: politics,  "godly" behaviors, vomit, feeling of loss of autonomy, comparison to a toy

(all images in aesthetic board are labeled for reuse with modification or are mine)

The next chapter gets nasty...

The 4DB Chapter 3: The Virus

They were all chattering like cicadas, a loud distant drone in the back of her head. Chris missed her phone. She missed Vincent. She even missed Mildred's occasional snarky comment. Instead she was here, the beginnings of a headache blooming, listening to the test subjects debate the pros and cons of their situation. Chris absently and quietly picked at her food.

John was grumpy. He complained that he shouldn't even be here. “Whatever this thing is it's keeping me from my job,” but he secretly thought that perhaps he'd be revered for his 'sacrifice,' assuming he was allowed to even talk about it after it ended.

“What do you do again?” Asked Cole at Chris’s side smartly.

John became red in the face but kept his composure. “Very funny.”

Aaron, nearly slumped over the cold metal table, shrugged and snorted. “Why's a ~mystical being~ need any of us anywho? A security guard, an energy-guy, a mayor, a fucking clerk for God's sake,” he gestured towards Chris.

“Well I know why he'd want me!” Boasted Nathan. “Must of saw me on the field and thought wow, I need him in my soon-to-be-cult!” His laugh was so loud. John sneered when he elbowed him.

The conversation just felt so shallow. Chris should have opted to sit with her roommate Morgan, but she had looked out of it ever since she'd first spoken with Gabriel the day before.

“So uh, what did it say to you guys?” Cole changed the subject suddenly.

Chris looked up, glancing around. Some of the men looked rather uncomfortable.

“Fucker wanted me to describe war to him,” Nathan answered quickly, his expression confused but vaguely amused. “Apparently they've had no wars. Not one. I think he's a liar, what a load of shit.”

John shrugged, leaning back a bit. “I was asked about my job. It was very tame.”

“Hey Chris, what did it ask you?” Cole nudged her from her thoughts.

The security guard chuckled. “How to send a letter?”

She ignored him. God, some of these guys were obnoxious. “It asked me about our government and how it treated me,” she shrugged, looking back at her food.

“I wonder what the eggheads will do with those recordings,” Nathan interjected. “Not like they can hear the bastard. It'll just be a bunch of government losers ranting about their jobs. Oh, and then me having to explain every damn World War like I was a school teacher. Whatever that thing is... it knows nothing about us.”

At least Chris could agree with that.

The experiments continued. The scientists began to fill out; the building became more abuzz with life than it had at the start. Suddenly the subjects felt surrounded. There was always some straight-laced woman or expressionless man beside them. Tailor, Sparrow, Rock, Dove, they all came with some codename. And, even in the reports of which the subjects could not access, Chris and her comrades were coded as well. Like they were trying to hide who they were, what they were doing, to keep their discoveries a secret from the rest of the world.

Regardless, a week had gone by and the only thing they'd discovered was that the 4DB was communicating directly inside of the subjects' heads. They tried to figure out a way to at least record the brain readings of the subjects' during sessions, and indeed found ample evidence that the auditory system was being stimulated. It was telepathy. Unfortunately they were having difficulty figuring out how to translate the brain's signals into actual words. They would have to stick with word of mouth.

“Have you learned anything about us?” Chris asked, walking around the pink square casually.

“Much. You are each individuals, like us. However, you are perhaps more individually inclined than I estimated,” they admitted curiously.

“I hope that helps you re-consider exterminating us. Cause... ya know, I sorta wanna live.”

Gabriel paused. “All things want to live. Even a virus wants to live.”

She scrunched her brows, angry. “We are not a virus, Gabriel. Grow up.”

“...No, I suppose you are not.” Gabriel went quiet for a while.

Chris calmed a bit and finished her circle. She leaned against the wall. “I wish I could go back home. I miss my friends. The people here- they're... I don't know. Not my sort. I'm tired.”

That was almost enough to make Gabriel feel some guilt, but if they had not plucked Chris from her home they'd have plucked someone else. “I do see the way you look.”

She rose a brow, confused. “Huh? What's that supposed to mean?”

“The way you look. When they speak.”

For a moment she was beside herself, believing they were saying some sort of gibberish. But then it clicked. Her brows shot up and her head went light. “You watch us when we're not in the chamber?”

“Of course I do. I am not confined to one spot,” they shook their heads.

She paled. Then she reddened. “Nooo no no, do you...” her voice got quiet. “...see us when we... pee? And shower?”

Apparently that was funny because they laughed strangely. “Yes. Now I see you are embarrassed. Do not be embarrassed, for I can see any part of you at any time if I wished. I can see all your organs. Like now, your heart has sped up.”

Chris placed her hand to her heart as if she could hide it. It was sort of cute. “Y-yeah? Well can you see I'm going to vomit?”

They looked to the right, down the vague rivers of time. “Maybe. A long, long time from now.”

She sighed, sort of sick. “Well Gabriel, nice knowin' ya. I'm out for the day.” Chris absconded from the chamber five minutes early. The scientists were not pleased.

As days ticked on Chris could see how the results of these studies were wearing away at the morale of the scientists. Some were exhausted, some were disappointed, some were scared and angry. They grew impatient with the 4DB. It still only spoke to them to issue commands. Then, one day, when a particularly irritable scientist got cocky, the 4DB actually laughed and shoved them. Right in front of their colleagues. None of the subjects saw it, but of course they heard about it through the grape vine.

The scientists wanted to stop sending the subjects into the chamber to test the limits of the 4DBs relationship with the lab. However, too many feared some retaliation so such a test never came to fruition. Instead, they spitefully released one lesser subject's contracts and then started increasing the amount of time the remaining subjects would spend with the scientists. Gale began to meet with Chris once a day, though in a much more comfortable room than the one they'd first conversed in.

“How have you settled in?” Gale asked, leaning comfortably in her chair and crossing her long legs. “A week and a half far from home... you must miss your friends.”

At this point she was almost too nervous to voice her true feelings. “Yeah, it feels more like a month,” she answered instead, uncomfortable.

Gale nodded and drummed her fingers on the table between them, observing Chris. She changed the subject masterfully. “You know, your recordings are the most interesting.”

That made Chris perk up, a bit of adrenaline pushing into her veins. “What do you mean?”

The other smirked, entertained. “You're the only subject so far who sounds almost friendly with the 4DB. And don't think we didn't notice you named it, too.”

Chris didn't want to admit that hearing that made her feeling sort of... special. “I didn't know you listened to the recordings,” her cheeks tinted.

“Of course! And transcribe as well,” Gale explained. “You call it Gabriel. Like before it made its presence known to us, like Gabriel's Children. The other subjects... well. Gabriel seems to get something from them that we just don't.”

Chris glanced down at her hand fidgeting in her lap, embarrassed.

“But wow, does it talk to you. Maybe it's your time in retail. You just have a way with small talk,” she began to laugh. “So Chris, I have a proposal for you.”

She lifted her eyes. “Um... y-yeah?”

Gale leaned forward, face friendly and tone pleasant, but Chris could feel the strange aura emanating from her piercing eyes. “Get closer to it. Make it friendly. It obviously favors you and we need that. We are more then well aware- based off your recordings and reports- that the fate of the world, no, maybe the whole solar system, depends on Gabriel's opinion-”

“Well there are more than one 4DB,” you interrupted.

She looked only slightly aggravated at the interruption, then continued. “-And Gabriel's opinion might just fall on its opinion of you. Try to get it to talk to us more naturally. Not just commands. It's not working with us like we'd like. And in return? You'll get cell phone access again,” she winked. “Have some time to chat with those friends you miss so much.”

Chris agreed. That wouldn't be so hard. All she had to do was keep doing what she was doing. The world would learn more, she would get her cell phone back, and maybe with some luck Gabriel wouldn't vote to destroy the Earth.

But then, during the next session in the chamber with the pink square, she found a tense heaviness in the air like standing underwater.

“I heard your conversation,” Gabriel said immediately, emotionless.

Shocked and anxious, Chris tried to play it off as nothing. “That was just... it was just-”

Gabriel cut her off. “Quiet. You miss your human friends.”

She was uncertain if she was allowed to reply or not, stunned. Instead she just nodded stiffly and crossed her arms.

“And if I comply by being more 'cooperative' with your knowledge keepers they will allow you to speak with these friends,” they went on. After a pause they added: “I am indifferent to your plight.”

When Gabriel said nothing else Chris took it as her cue to respond. She was quiet, as if trying not to be picked up by the small microphone clipped to her shirt. “I... nothing would change. All we have to do is talk. Just like before. That's all they really want.”

“We shall see,” Gabriel said plainly.

The problem was that their plan began to work, despite Gabriel being aware of it. Though they didn't necessarily speak directly to the scientists they did grow warmer to Chris. Chris had a way about her that just made Gabriel so... interested in her. She didn't make cutting remarks (as if that would have hurt anyways), she didn't refuse to answer their questions, and she didn't make light of the atrocities of her country. She just talked. Like speaking with Gabriel was the most natural thing in the world. They didn't quite mind the nick-name anymore either, if they were honest. They hated that they were warm with Chris.

Gale was 'happy' the two of them were still getting along. Chris didn't tell her Gabriel knew about the plan, but they obviously suspected it. Everyday the scientist looked a little more intense. Gale continued to drill it into Chris's head to get Gabriel speaking with the scientists. Was it more cooperative today? No. How about now? No. Gale held back her irritation. At the end of each daily session she was led to her room feeling uncomfortable and alone. Chris still hadn't gotten her cell phone back. Her friends probably thought she was dead.

“Has it really been three weeks since this whole thing started?” Chris sighed, sitting on the cold floor. She fiddled with the rim of her shirt's neck, knowing full well that would cause sound disturbance in the recording. She'd get a mouthful about that.

Gabriel, who was sitting comfortably beyond the barrier, twirled their tentacles around one another absently. “For you.”

Chris nodded. She was quiet a moment. “Then how long is three weeks in your dimension?”

“For you it is sixty seconds to a minute, sixty minutes to an hour, twenty-four hours to a day, seven days to a week. For me it is... time functions differently,” they tried to explain. “I've only met you a few 'days' ago.”

That was hard for her to wrap her head around. “And are you really learning by doing this? Keeping us here in a box? Just talking?”

“Yes,” they replied simply.

They really were. They not only listened to word-of-mouth, they saw into the deep wrinkles of the subjects' brains, saw their bodily chemistry rise and fall. They watched for reactions to key words, how the subjects interacted with one another and their human 'captors.'

Chris shrugged, pursing her lips. She didn't seem to believe them. “Ooookay. Ya know this could go a lot faster if you also spoke to the scientists.” Of course they both knew what Chris was trying to do.

“So eager to hear your judgment.”

She shrugged again, somehow feeling rather fond of Gabriel in that moment. “Nah... just to hear my friends' voices again.”

Soon, Gabriel automatically thought, surprising themself.

Chapters 4, 5, and the epilogue will remain Patron-only content! However, eventually the full story will be edited more and added to Gumroad as an e-book as well. So if you’d like to get to the nsfw or read the rest, check out NSFWGenuflect on Patreon or wait for the Gumroad release :}

[midnightartemis]

Chapter Three Up Now ~

Read Me Here

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about her every second of every day since he first saw her. It was beginning to turn into a waking nightmare almost. One fucking conversation with this girl and he was gone. She didn’t even give him her last name. She had fallen asleep on the couch not long after she stopped giggling about his tax evasion quip. He wasn’t surprised; she had finished off the rest of the joint on her own. He could watch the smoke pour from her lips for eternity. He was usually an adamant follower of the puff puff pass rule.

Rey from Jakku was going to be the death of him.

When he went to put a blanket over her again, she barely even moved.

The only thing that did distract Ben from her was the impending showdown between him and Kuruk. The man almost matched him in height, though he was much skinnier. That just made him a little bit faster. And Rey taking a liking to Ben has only pissed Kuruk off.

Much to his disappointment, Rey left before anyone else in the loft woke up. No one woke up before two anyway.

Ben rolled a joint as the coffee brewed. The smell eventually woke everyone else up and soon the couch was full, the room smelled of freshly ground sour diesel, and Saturday morning cartoons played on the projector. After a cup of coffee, AP pulled out a wad of cash and divided it out into piles. The largest went to Ben for supplying, the second largest to AP for manufacturing and delivery, and The rest was split between Kuruk, Trudge, Ushar, and… Ben frowned. He hadn’t seen Cardo or Vik and there was one last pile. AP saw him eyeing it. “It’s for Rey.”

“Rey?”

“Yeah, got a problem?” Kuruk was already starting to dig in. Push the issue until it came to a breaking point.

“Thought it took a unanimous vote to let someone in.” Ben eyed each of the guys.

AP, ever the peacemaker, stepped in. “She’s not in.”

Ben relaxed a little. They hadn’t forced her through initiation.

“If she was, Kuruk would not be left standing.” Trudge chuckled.

“Yeah, how’s your nose doing fucker?” Kuruk seethed.

Trudge threw his meaty hands in the air. “Hey, I learned my lesson. She could tell me to eat shit and I’d listen.”

How had a girl that tiny instilled so much fear and reverence into this tiny fucked up group?

“She helps me with the books sometimes. That’s why she gets a share.” AP finally supplied. “We trust her.”

Ben gave a shallow nod. “And Cardo. Vik?”

“Vik’s been MIA since the baby. Cardo will show up when he feels like it.”

Ben let his face drop into his mask. Unfazed from the outside. Warring on the inside. He hadn’t even known Vik was having a kid.

The impromptu meeting ended as quickly as it had begun. Trudge and Ushar settled into their cartoons. At least that much hadn’t changed. Kuruk fucked off to somewhere else and AP sat on the couch looking conflicted. After a few minutes, the quiet guy seemed to resign himself to an answer. He stood, his face dead serious as he looked Ben in the eye. “We should talk.”

That was one of the many things Ben secretly admired about AP. He was one of the originals and in the ten years Ben had known him, the man had barely changed. He didn’t sugarcoat. Didn’t play games. Though he could be a bit cryptic, everything was always dead serious with AP.

Ben nodded and followed the dude out the door and onto the small patio. The dry heat of the afternoon hit him in full force as they stepped out. He lit his joint and didn’t offer it to AP knowing the dude would just say no anyway.

“What the fuck are your intentions here, Ben?”

Ben stilled as he brought the joint to his lips. No one in the Knights ever called him Ben. He was pretty sure Trudge and Ushar didn’t even know his name wasn’t actually Kylo. And AP- AP only used it when he was beyond dead serious.

“You know what my intentions are.”

“You were supposed to get out of this. You were supposed to leave and never come back.”

“Yeah well that didn’t fucking work out, did it?” Ben growled and smashed the lit end of the joint into the metal railing.

“You can’t just come waltzing back expecting to throw a few punches and make everything magically the same as before. It’s not the same, Ben. Why the fuck did you come back?”

Ben huffed a laugh. “Where else would I go?”

“Did you even call your mom? Have you even told her you dropped out?”

“I never said I dropped out.”

“You didn’t have to.” AP scowled and he dropped his gaze to the dead fields of grass. “I would have heard about it if the chemistry lab purposefully got blown up.”

Ben narrowed his eyes and gave AP a long side glance. “You’re still seeing that TA?”

“He’s an adjunct Professor now.” AP sighs. It’s the happiest thing Ben thinks the guy’s ever done. “I know she’ll kill you herself if you hurt her but just know that the rest of us will help bury the body.”

Ben laughs a little and AP turns sharply to face him. “I’m fucking serious. You hurt her even just a little bit and I will wipe you off the face of this planet. She’s been through enough. So if you think she’s just some sick game to piss off Kuruk or a quick lay you back the fuck off and leave her alone.”

AP’s dark eyes are enough to tell Ben that if Rey didn’t kill him, he would. “She’s not. I don’t want to hurt her.”

AP smiles sadly. “You don’t want to. But you will.”

By the time Friday comes around, Ben is looking for a fight. He and Kuruk have steadily been pushing buttons and digging under each other’s skin for days now. It was only a matter of time before the party was set in motion. AP was noticeably absent first thing in the morning. It only takes Ben seeing the look on Kuruk’s face to know that time is up. They’re nearing breaking point and only one will come out victorious. It calls for a party the likes of which hadn’t been seen since Kylo took on Ren himself.

AP was out gathering the more illicit provisions while Trudge and Ushar carried a nearly endless chain of kegs and tubs and ice into the recently ‘unlocked’ basement of the warehouse. Ben and Kuruk were left to simmer. Ben poured himself a drink and set down to rolling the last of the weed to sell or smoke tonight. Rolling was one of the few things that calmed him- even when he could feel Kuruk’s pissed of stare burrowing into the back of his head. Even when AP’s words had been rattling around in there for days now, mixing with the images of her soft smile he held tightly onto. The one she tried to hide from him. And those hazel eyes that looked right at him and kept on digging. Everything about her drew him in. He couldn’t resist the chance for one touch of the light.

He hoped she wasn’t there tonight. He hoped she never saw what he really was. What he could do.

All hope of that was lost when she turned up beside AP a few hours deep into the party. His eyes latched onto her the moment he spotted her hair, up in three little buns. Her eyes were dark as bruises and anger boiled in him until he got a better view in the dim red right and realized that it was makeup. It was only wearing makeup. She wore a black holy t-shirt with a band logo on it so faded it was almost beyond recognition. Her jeans were covered in black sharpie doodles. Flowers, he thought. She had that scowl on her face not at all dissimilar to the one she first gave him. Within seconds AP had a drink in her hand.

Her eyes drank in the crowd, scanning the room until they landed on his. And stayed. A flash of pain danced across her eyes. There and hidden in an instant.

What did he do?

What-

“Are you even fucking listening to me?”

Ben looked back down at the tiny brunette clinging to his side. The woman had been incredibly persistent for the past hour, even going so far as trying to force him into an old, musty janitor's closet.

“Not particularly. No.” Ben barely spared her a glance.

“God, you’re a fucking asshole.” The woman stormed away, finally taking his hints. When he searched the crowd again, Rey was gone.

He knew he was an asshole. He knew it and he went off in Rey’s direction anyway. He needed to explain. He needed to know why she looked so hurt when she saw him. He found AP first.

“Where’d she go?”

“It’s almost midnight.”

Ben could give two fucks about Kuruk and midnight. “Where’d she go?”

AP sighed and shrugged. “I’m not her keeper. She can handle herself.”

“You’re a dick you know that, Finn?”

The dude shrugged and went back to fucking off. Ben pushed through the crowd. Most people parted automatically for him mostly thanks to his size and his ability to not give a fuck about anyone. Anyone but her. He couldn’t explain why now at this moment he felt like the entire world rode on his ability to get to her, to find her, to explain himself when there was nothing yet to explain.

He pushed through a rather large group of people and stumbled into an open pocket in the middle of the crowded room. Music screamed through every inch of the room- the bass shaking the foundations.

His eyes searched the room until they landed on the messy row of three buns, the faded black tee. The hand gripping her waist. The anger in her eyes. The smirk on Kuruk’s lips as he turned to look at Ben.

Ben felt the dark thing inside him snap. Kuruk has found the breaking point. Ben grabbed the nearest glass bottle and slammed it on the ground.

He comes to when he feels her touch burning hot against the skin of his wrist. So feather-light he shouldn’t have been able to feel it but it stops him like a live wire. The room around him has gone deadly quiet and it takes a moment for him to feel the stares of dozens of silent people. There’s a groan from underneath him and he looks down to see what’s left of Kuruk’s bloody face. The man is completely slack underneath him, not even trying to fight back.

“Ben. That’s enough.” Rey says quietly, her voice firm. He lets her pull him away with gentle tugs. His mind wars between

She’s touching me she’s touching me she’s touching me

And

Is he dead is he dead is he dead

AP, Trudge, and Ushar emerge from the crowd to haul Kuruk away. He’d gone too far. Way too far. He could tell by the terrified looks he got as he passed through the crowd.

She’s touching me she’s touching me she’s touching me

Outside that small basement room, the party is still in full swing, blissfully unaware of the night's main event. He doesn’t feel a thing but the touch of her skin around his wrist. She leads him deftly through the crowd and up the narrow staircase to the loft. Vik steps away from the lofts' entrance, letting them by. Door duty . Kylo thinks stupidly. He used to hate door duty.

Rey’s touch left him as she sat him down on the couch. He let out a small pitiful whimper at its loss.

“Relax. I’m only going to get the first aid shit.” He might have been imagining it but he thought he saw her smile.

Rey disappeared into the bathroom and emerged a minute later with a giant box of medical supplies. It was even labeled medical supplies in handwriting he didn’t recognize. Her handwriting.

She took out a white bottle and a piece of cloth to wet with the liquid. Ben shuddered and forced himself to stay still as she brought the cloth to his bloody knuckles and began dabbing at them. He dared not to speak as she took her hand in his and turned it this way and that to clean away his skin. The cloth came away bright red. She moved to his other hand and added more of the clear liquid to the cloth. He sucked in a breath as she ran the cloth across his knuckles. Her hands worked quickly then to wrap his hand in gauze.

When he thought she was done she grabbed a fresh cloth and sat close to him. Closer than she ever had before. He could count her freckles against her tan skin, smell the warm earthy scent coming off of her, feel the heat of her against him. He was too dumbstruck to move and was fighting a losing battle against his desire to look at her lips. To taste her just one time. Rey brought the cloth to his lips. Her fingers gently guided him to look at her, to tilt his chin down to her reach. The throbbing in his face slowly came to the front of his mind. It seemed Kuruk had gotten a couple hits in after all.

She cleaned his skin carefully, working up the side of his face. He closes his eyes as she gets to his brow, letting her soft touch consume him. She had seen him at his worst and yet she was still here. She wasn’t flinching away.

“Rey.” Her name came out as a soft whisper that hung in the air between them. She had to come to him, he knew that much. He couldn’t open his eyes. He could only hope that she understood. The cloth dropped away from his eye. Soft lips pressed against the corner of his own. Ben opened his eyes to see her looking up at him. Hopeful. Hungry.

The door to the apartment swung open and the rest of the knights piled into the apartment. Trudge carried a half-conscious Kuruk over his shoulders. Ben cursed under his breath as Rey moved away from him and made room for Trudge to set Kuruk on the couch. The man moaned pitifully and Ben bit back a smirk.

“Cops got called.” AP moved through the room quickly, clearing off the coffee table and locking everything away in the safe built into the wall.

“Warrant?” Ben asked.

“Not likely. Unless they’ve been sitting on it.” Vik shut the door after Cardo slipped in and locked it. Cardo had been at the front door taking entrance fees. He was probably the one to sound the alarm.

“You need to take off?” Ben asked Vik. The dude had a kid now. He couldn’t get caught up in petty shit.

Vik shrugged and moved through the room, picking up a warm, unopened beer. “I’ll just hide in the back. Jenny and Ambrose weren’t expecting me.”

The man tossed him the lock's key and disappeared through the hole in the wall. Trudge and Ushar moved the one giant bookcase over the hole.

“You shouldn’t be here either.” Ben turned his focus back to Rey. She was kneeling beside Kuruk and cleaning him up with a fresh cloth, though she wasn’t being half as gentle with Kuruk as she had with him.

“I’ll just hide under the spare bed. The cops don’t give two shits about me.”

Spare bed?

Ben was about to argue the point until he saw the look AP gave him. Rey could take care of herself.

Ben let it go. “Take Kuruk to his room. Don’t need cops coming in ‘cause there’s a half-dead dude on the couch.”

Trudge and Ushar pull Kuruk off the couch and Rey packs up the medical supplies. A few minutes later, the loft looked like almost any other night. Trudge and Ushar argued over what game to play and AP took up his spot on the couch, scrolling on his phone. Rey, however, was the one to go back to the projector to turn it on. He watched as she opened up the projector and blew inside. The projector came seamlessly to life. She turned on the Wii and tossed two of the remotes to the twins. “Mario Kart.”

They groaned as she smiled wickedly.

“Fucking fine. I want Moo Moo Meadows this time though.” Ushar pouted. Rey hesitated as she picked up the fourth remote. He guessed that was the one Kuruk usually got. Her hesitation only lasted a second before she lobbed it across the room to his hands. Ben caught it and held his breath as she slipped over the back of the couch to sit beside him. She was careful to not touch him and he was careful to do the same.

She picked out Moo Moo Meadows, Wario’s Gold Mine, and Rainbow Road. Ben barely tried as he watched her easily beat them as Daisy. Trudge always gave up halfway through and would start going the wrong way for fun. Ushar spent more time dying than racing. Ben managed to finish in a solid sixth place twice. She had no competition here. As she crossed the rainbow road finish line in first (a feat even he considered almost impossible), there was a loud knock at the door.

“CPD! Open up.”

Rey was gone before Ben could say anything. The door to his old room swung shut. So, that was the spare bedroom. He spared a glance at AP before standing up to open the door. He held his hand on the lock.

“This is a private residence. You got a warrant?”

“No, sir. Just a few questions.” Ben undid the heavy U lock and slid the heavy metal door open slowly. Two uniforms stood in the hall, their eyes hard and their hands near the guns on their hips. He didn’t recognize either of them. Newbies. Ben placed his hand against the door frame and the door, his body blocking most of the view inside.

“What’d you want?”

The guy cop's eyes went wide as he looked up and down Ben. “Are you in need of medical attention, sir?”

Ben glanced at the bandages on his hands. “Nah, I’m good. Just took a tumble down the stairs. Bit of a clutz.”

Neither of them believed him but that didn’t matter.

“Is there anyone in the house with you?”

Ben shrugged as the sounds of Mario Kart started up again. “Just my roommates.”

“Were you aware that there was an illegal event happening in the basement of this building?” The woman cop took over. She gave him a look like she would never believe anything that came out of his mouth.

“Illegal Event? No. I’ve been kicking their asses at Mario Kart all night.”

“Mario Kart.” The woman raised her eyebrows.

“That it?”

The cops didn’t reply.

“Great.” He said gruffly. “Have a good night officers.”

Ben slid the door shut and snapped the lock back on. He waited for another knock but it never came. He went to the kitchen to make an old-fashioned. It wasn’t as smooth as usual with bandaged hands that were beginning to shake. The fresh cut on his face was beginning to burn and tingle against the open air.

The twins moved the bookshelf away from the hole in the wall to let Vik back in. They switched from Mario Kart to COD. The door to his room stayed shut. Ben crossed the room and knocked softly. No reply. He pushed the door open slowly, letting the light shine in but not entering himself. The light landed on the black sheets of his old bed. Rey had curled in a ball in the center of it underneath the comforter. Her ribs moved up and down ever so slightly. She had fallen asleep. Ben shut the door softly.

He guessed he’d be sleeping on the couch tonight.

AP retired to take care of Kuruk not long after Ben sat down, drink in hand. He mindlessly watched the twins play COD. Vik took off once the cops had cleared out and Cardo followed soon after. Ben couldn’t fall asleep even with the pull of alcohol and his mindless staring. The twins cleared out, disappearing to their rooms in the back. Ben shifted out of his shoes and jeans. His shirt had turned almost solid with dried blood at the neck so he shed that too. Ben turned on the Wii. Alone in the glow of the projector, he thought about the touch of her lips against his skin. What would it feel like if she dared to touch him? What he would do to her if she let him touch her back? He was going to need to take a very very very cold shower. He tried to focus on Mario Kart instead.

Night passed into the wee hours of the morning. A cry echoed through the loft and Ben paused his failed attempt at Rainbow Road.

“No!”

The cry came from his room. Rey. Ben’s heart pounded as he leaped over the couch and opened the door to his room. Rey laid where he had left her, still curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed. She twitched, her head rolling back and forth as if she were trying to escape from something invisible. She cried out again at her nightmare.

“Rey.” His voice was hoarse from not speaking for hours. She twitched again, not waking up. “Rey- Rey, wake up. It’s only a nightmare.”

She whimpered and Ben crossed the room. He’d have to touch her to wake her up. He tried again. “Rey, wake up.”

She cried out again, a painful whimper that sent an ache shooting through his chest. He reached his hand out, prepared to snatch it away the moment he touched her. He touched her shoulder and she sprung awake, pushing herself to the far side of the bed so her back was against the wall. Ben backed up two steps, his hands in the air. “It’s just me. You were having a nightmare.”

“Ben?” Rey swallowed trying to hide the panic in her voice.

“Yeah. Just me. I tried calling your name but it didn’t work.”

Rey nodded slowly as she caught her breath. “I heard you. I think. I just couldn’t… get out of it. Did I wake you up?”

Ben shook his head. “Nah. I was practicing Mario Kart so you can have some actual competition.”

Her lips quirked up in an actual smile. “Well, at least someone has the balls to challenge me.”

Rey’s hair had fallen half-way out of her three buns. Her eyes were soft with sleep and there was an imprint of his pillow across her face. Her mind drifted to something else and she frowned. “Are you sleeping on the couch?”

“You were in my bed.” Ben shrugged. “Didn’t want to wake you up. Seemed like you needed it more than I did.”

“I can move to the couch.” Rey offered sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to steal your bed.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ben moved to go back out to the living room.

“Wait.”

Ben froze in his tracks trying not to get his hopes up too high. He turned back to her and found her eyes unabashedly looking over his bare chest.

“There’s room for two.”

“Are you sure?” He asked slowly.

The girl nodded. “Yeah.”

She shifted as he crossed the room and laid down on his back across the edge farthest from her. He risked a glance at her. She hadn’t moved from her spot against the wall. He said nothing beyond his silent plea.

Come to me. Before I break. Before I redesign myself to loneliness for the rest of my life.

He could feel her watching him. Evaluating. Fighting. She slowly lowered herself away from the wall and curled up beside him, not quite touching him but close enough that she might. Ben closed his eyes and let a new calm darkness wash over him.

I know it's warmer where you are And it's safer by your side But right now I can't be what you want Just give it time...

Well it's cold when we're apart And I hate to feel this die But you can't give me what I want Just give it time...

But for now we stay so far 'Til our lonely limbs connect I can't keep you in these arms So I'll keep you in my mind...

Can we meet in the middle Bodies and souls collide Dance in the moonlight Where all the stars align Oh you and I, oh you and I, oh

- You and I, PVRIS

[justahopelessssromantic]

Runaways- A Mayans MC Fanfic

Part 1

Part 2

*Warnings: Slight mention of violence 

Parking the car in front of the house I got out and opened the trunk revealing all the bags in the back. Grabbing two of them I headed up the steps and into the house. Placing the groceries onto the kitchen counter I turned around to see David staring at me with his arms crossed.

“Where the hell have you been?” He asked glaring at me, nostrils flared.

Pointing at the note on the fridge I replied, “Can’t you read? I went to the store. We can’t survive on canned beans forever.” I crossed my arms and matched his glare.

Sighing he leaned against the entryway pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I panicked when I couldn’t find you and saw the car missing.” He said opening his eyes, softness replacing the hard glare from before. “You got the keys? I need to head out and start looking for a job or before we know it we’ll be broke.”

Pulling the keys from my pocket I tossed them to him.

“Just gotta grab the rest of the groceries out the back then she’s all good to go. Full tank and everything.” I replied giving him a half smile

“I’ll go get them,” he said heading out of the kitchen. Turning around just before he was out of sight he looked back at me, “We’ll get through this. Together.”

“Together” I replied quietly as he turned and walked out of sight.

Putting away the groceries I brought in I got lost in thought. Sometimes I forget how hard this must be for David too. He dropped everything to help his family. The only reason we have a house here was because of him. I have been so worried about Nicky and how he was handling everything that I never thought about how David was handling it, having to clean up another mess his two younger siblings created.

“Hey we got anything to eat? I’m fucking starving,”

Jumping out of my thoughts I quickly turned around a hand to my chest trying to calm myself. Nicky was sitting at the table looking at his phone.

“Shit you scared me. You can’t just sneak up on people like that.” Grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl I placed them down in front of him. “I’m not cooking anything so you're gonna have to settle for that for now. Milk’s in the fridge.”

“Thank God, your cooking is horrendous.” He teased giving the first hint of a real smile I have seen him have since the incident.

Rolling my eyes I went back to the counter and saw the rest of the groceries that David must have brought in while I was distracted. Finishing putting everything away I went to join my brother at the table grabbing myself a bowl of cereal. We ate in silence and when we were finished Nicky grabbed the dishes to wash them up.

“Hey, you good here alone for a bit?” I asked Nicky, “I want to get out and go for a walk. Clear my head.”

“Yeah. I don’t need a babysitter 24/7. I will probably just unpack some stuff maybe watch some tv or something.” He said shrugging. “I’ll be fine.”

I wasn’t completely convinced but needed to get some fresh air so I decided to trust him.

“Call if you need anything and I will come straight back. Got it?”

——————————————————————————————

Walking for about an hour I passed our neighbor’s house smiling as I saw EZ, and I’m guessing his brother, sitting on the steps of their father’s house chatting and smoking.

“Hey Willow!”

Turning around I saw EZ stand up crushing his cigarette under his boot before walking towards me with a smile. Behind him his brother did the same before swaggering up beside his brother.

“Angel, the big brother.” He introduced himself extending his hand.

Shaking his hand I started to introduce myself but was cut off by Angel.

“Willow, I know, baby bro here couldn’t stop talking about the new neighbor all day.”

Blushing I looked to EZ whose gaze was to the ground with an embarrassed smile on his face.

“So how you liking Ms. Rosa’s place?” Angel pulled my attention back to him.

“It’s lovely. Did you know her well?” I questioned looking between the two men

“Yeah she used to watch us quite a lot when we were little,” EZ joined in “sometimes we were over there more than our own home.”

The boys chuckled as they thought about memories of their childhood.

“Man she made the best cookies. Every week it would be a different kind too and she always let me have as many as I wanted,” smiling Angel added, “I’m pretty sure she’s the reason I was such a chubby little fucker.”

I gave a little giggle finding it hard to imagine him as a chubby kid. But then again it’s amazing how much people can change.

“So is it just you living there by yourself, or is there a boyfriend or husband?” Angel tried to question casually.

Shaking my head slightly smiling I looked at EZ when I replied.

“No boyfriend or husband. It’s just me and my two brothers.”

Angel gave his brother a teasing smile before patting him on the shoulder and then looking at me.

“Well it was lovely to meet you Willow but I have to get going. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.” Smiling Angel winked before turning away from us and heading towards his bike.

A few moments passed that felt like forever as EZ and I stood around awkwardly. Looking at him I tried to take as much in as I could. Physically he was very impressive with the biggest arms I had ever seen. He had two tattoos, that I could see at least, one on each arm. He was wearing a leather cut with his brother wearing a matching one which I noticed said Mayans on it recalling seeing a tattoo on Angle’s arm saying the same thing. Then I noticed the prospect patch on the front. Looking up at his face I noticed he was checking me out as well. A small blushed formed on my cheeks as I looked down briefly then back up into his eyes. He had a huge grin on his face. Out of everything I think his smile was my favorite thing. Breaking the silence I decided to ask him about his cut.

Pointing I asked, “So are you part of some biker gang or something?”

“Club,” He corrected me chuckling, “We’re just a motorcycle club. Just a bunch of guys who work together and like to ride.”

Not buying it completely I just smiled and nodded understandingly. It wasn’t really my business anyways but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious.

“So the prospect patch? What’s that exactly?”

Grabbing his cut up by his chest he explained, “All new members have to prospect for at least a year before they can be voted in as a full patched member, my vote is coming up soon though.”

“So I’m guessing that means you get to do all the dirty work?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Motioning to his bike he asked ���Would you maybe like to go for a ride?”

Looking at his bike and then back at him all I wanted to do was say yes. I don’t know what it was but I just felt this connection with him. I was never one to just run off with a guy I just met, but with EZ it felt different, it felt nice. Talking to him I forgot about all the shit that went down back home, why we were here in the first place. He gave me hope that maybe we would be safe here. Maybe just maybe I had a future here and maybe he was a part of that.

“I would really love to EZ,” more than I should, “but I can’t right now. I told my younger brother Nicky I wouldn't be gone too long and I should really get back to him. Can we take a rain check?”

“Sure.” He said understandingly.

“Could I borrow your phone real quick?”

Pulling it out of his cut and unlocking it he handed it to me with a slightly confused look on his face.

Smiling I opened up his contacts and added my number to his phone.

“Give me a call or text sometime,” I said boldly handing him his phone back. “I really enjoyed talking with you.”

Smiling I turned and and walked back to my house before he had the chance to say anything else.

Walking in our house I slipped my shoes off and placed them in the rack by the door. Stepping into the living room I sat down on the couch with a smile on my face thinking about the man I left outside and secretly hoping he was thinking about me too. Looking around I noticed David still wasn’t home and I got up to go look for Nicky.

Going down the hall I noticed his room was shut. I knocked lightly and put my ear up to the door to listen for a response. Not hearing anything I went to open the door only to find out it was locked.

“Nicky, you okay in there?” I called out softly knocking again.

There was a few minutes before I heard some movement, a click and then the door slowly opened. I was instantly hit with the smell of weed and I looked up to look into my brother’s puffy red eyes, both from getting high and crying. He turned around and slowly walked over to his bed sliding down and sitting on the floor leaning against it.

I followed and sat down next to him all the light happiness from before completely gone and the reality sinking back in.

“Please talk to me,” I pleaded with tears starting to form in my eyes. I hated seeing how much pain my brother was in.

“There’s nothing to say,” his voice was shaky, “I took someone’s life. I fucking killed a man Will!” His voice broke as he began sobbing again.

He leaned over laying his head in my lap and clutched onto me as he cried. Running my hand through his hair I tried to comfort him.

“Shhhh,” I soothed,” It’s going to be okay. We are going to get through this. Together. I will always be here for you.”

I gently grabbed his face and guided him to look at me. Looking him in the eyes I tried to keep my own tears from falling failing as I felt a few slip.

“You saved my life. Remember that, if you hadn’t been there, if you hadn’t protected me, I would be dead. I’m sorry you had to do that but I’m so thankful for what you did for me.”

He broke down even harder after my words laying his head back down holding me tighter than before.

“I’m so sorry Will.” He said between sobs. “It's all my fault. It’s all my fault.”

I stayed there running my hand through his hair until he started to calm down and his exhaustion took over. Once I could hear him snoring I broke completely. I sat there and started sobbing myself. My younger brother was so broken and there was nothing I could do to ease his pain and it was all because of what he had to do to save me.

I don’t even know who the man was other than he was a part of a gang, his tattoos telling us that much. I figured it must have been a random attack or maybe part of an initiation. I was in my apartment cleaning with my headphones on when the man must have broken in. I never heard anything and didn’t know someone was even with me til I walked into my kitchen and saw a man there. That’s when he attacked me. I have never been so scared in my life. Turns out the man was kind of a big deal in his gang and he wasn’t going to just go missing unnoticed. David thought it best to get out of there. If someone knew where he was going or if for some reason there was a hit out on me we would not be safe there or anywhere nearby anymore.

Exhausted, I leaned my head back against the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

A bang from the living room startled me from my sleep. Gently moving Nicky’s head off my lap I slowly got up and made my way to the living room. Turning on the light I found David there picking up a stack of books that had fallen from a shelf that he must have ran into. Looking at the clock I saw it was two in the morning.

“Where have you been all day?” I questioned him annoyed. “We could have really used you here.”

Thinking of the state our baby brother was in I was pissed he wasn’t here to help me. I was starting to get the impression he was trying to avoid Nicky.

“Why? You and Nick need someone to get rid of a body again?” Sitting down he gruffly started untying his boots and taking them off chucking them to the side.

“That’s not fair.” I snapped crossing my arms defensively.

“Fair?” He huffed standing up and swiftly coming to stand right in front of me, “This whole situation ain’t fair sister. But fair doesn’t mean shit. It never has to you or Nicky. You have always expected me to clean up your messes, bail you out when you guys get into trouble, and boy does trouble always find you two!” His voice got louder as he continued. “You need to stop babying him! Maybe, maybe if you knew the whole truth you would….” he started to trail off catching himself before he said too much.

“The truth? What do you mean?” My anger turned to confusion. What could he mean by that?

“Nothing. I need a shower” He dismissed my question walking past me into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

Sighing I turned the light back off going to Nicky’s room. Placing a blanket over him and a kiss to his forehead I then went to my own room closing my door slowly. Exhausted I undressed and crawled into bed under the covers. I layed there staring into the darkness thinking about the last twenty four hours. We would get through this together. Although it didn’t really feel like we were together anymore.

[tokyoteddywolf]

It took three minutes.

She watched her partner get shoved off into the lava within three minutes of landing the damn ship.

All because he couldn't wait, the hunger driving him to kill in front of literally everyone on the ship. The absolute dumbass.

Now she had to do this on her own! Six people, six crewmates, all by herself without getting caught.

She buried her face in a snowman and screamed, glad her helmet was soundproof but the familiar motion of burying her head into something to muffle noise somehow comforting.

"God dammit you left me to do this on my own, you fucker! You son of a bitch! I can't do this on my own! Argh, I'm so fucked!" She pounded a fist into the snow, pushing herself up and shaking herself off with a groan.

Baby Red squeaked at her, clearly getting hungry. She patted her baby's head, sighing.

"Right. Gotta go kill someone then." She muttered, leaving the node she was at and ducking into weapons to check for anyone.

Finding nothing, she headed for the water tanks, moving up towards the O2 Tree where she briefly saw Lime leaving the tank filling area.

The door was locked, a quick Sabotage by her partner before he had died, probably had a few others locked as well.

She checked around to make sure nobody was there before sliding up behind an unwary Lime working on adjusting the levels, snapping his neck like it was a twig.

She gave most of it to Baby Red, the hungry hatchling eagerly scarfing down fresh meat in mere seconds, before she grabbed her child and slid through a vent, popping up behind the security room.

She ducked into cameras, mentally freaking out and hoping nobody found her kill. Flicking through them a couple times, she spotted Purple on Thermo before backing out and Sabotaging the lights as her Kill Clock ticked down. The doors to her hallway and to Electricity were both blocked, so she opened that door just as Yellow unlocked the doors for the hallway.

She went in first, a smile and a nod to him as he went to work on the lights.

And then she stabbed him in the back and tore his head off. More food for the baby and... for the parasite.

She ducked back down the vent and out into the snow, hiding until Cyan went by unaware as the lights were still shut down. She popped out and hurried to the vent that connected to Labs, hauling herself out and running for the Decontamination room that Purple was leaving.

She opened her mouth to say hello, to try and make an alibi, but the Emergency Siren went off. She swiveled and headed for the meeting room, Purple right behind her.

Poor Cyan, the wrong place at the wrong time. She had walked by Electricity right as the body was reported, and was voted off. Thrown into the lava mercilessly while everyone went their separate ways.

In the end, she fucked up. Black was next highest for suspicion and she hadn't realized she was being followed by Orange when Black was killed with a gunshot, even though the lights had been off the whole time. The cameras were on as well, and with a gigantic amount of evidence against her she was bodily thrown into the lava while her baby cried in White's hands.

Of course this meant that later she was aggressively shaking Pink, yelling at him for being stupid and basically ditching her to be the Lone Imposter for the match, despite his laughing.

"I mean, to be fair you did really well, you just didn't check for cameras." White pointed out.

"I know, I meant to vent and kill whoever was on cams but Black was right there coming out of Decontamination and I killed her on impulse." Red sighed.

Purple made a light, offended noise, having overheard her.

"I had a plan and panicked. Also, payback from when you shanked me on Medbay last time. I just wanted to scan, dude!" She yelled, throwing her old flowerpot at him.

But the game was never over, and she was thrown back in all over again with Purple's laughter echoing in her ears.

-

Based on a match I had w friends where my fellow Impostor was voted off as soon as he killed bc he thought they were stacked enough that he could get away with it. Bastard. I almost won too, if I hadn't killed Black in a panic. I'm good at Impostor, kind of. I can get good kills and lie my way out, but I was freaked from being left on my own. Had i still had my partner we would have won, but I got unlucky not realizing I was being followed.

Here's the whole stream btw

http://www.twitch.tv/tokyoteddywolf/v/759137163?sr=a&t=470s

[quakerjoe]

A Cuppa Joe for 3 January 2019

 Regarding Patriotism

 Patriotism. What the fuck IS that exactly? I used to think it stemmed from the nation’s actual motto “E Pluribus Unum” meaning “From Many, One” where we all stand together, united, as one people, Americans, and look out for one another. That was a hard delusion to wake up from. While such a thing is possible if we so desire it, it isn’t going to happen evidently. Seriously, think about this for a moment. Who do you see the most out here going on about “patriotism” today? Angry white dudes. I don’t see African Americans out there blowing the “Look at me, asshole! I’m a PATRIOT!” horns loudly, nor anyone from the LGBTQ community or from any minority such as our Islamic/Arabic neighbors who came here to get away from all the radical, violent religious bullshit and just want to pray in peace. Angry. White. Dudes. All pining for a “Christian Nation” while acting exactly the opposite to the teachings of Christ. They clean their guns and play circle-jerk warrior in the woods with their limp-dick friends because they’re too much of a sad sack to actually JOIN the military and SERVE. THAT would be Patriotism.

Then again, is serving in the military really being patriotic anymore? I was proud when I served, but looking back on it, WHO was I really serving? Was I truly protecting the US from some threat? Not really. We’re on the other side of the planet, far away from any direct threat. Two massive oceans divide us from any other military that may want to harm us. Then again, WHY would any other military even WANT to harm us? Could it have something to do with the way this nation invades other nations to topple their elected governments and establish banana republics in order to get what “we” want from them? By “we”, I of course don’t mean that you or I give a shit what the price of bananas is. Oil, on the other hand… We all care about oil prices because we’re constantly being blocked from developing and using green power sources so that the rich twats in Big Fossil Fuels can get even richer. They spend thousands on buying elected officials here who band together and pass a tax break law that gives those rich twats savings in the millions and even billions.

But do Central and South American nations have a mobile force to invade us? Fuck no. What about Persian nations that we and other European nations carved up for oil field access, ignoring the territories if Sunni and Shiite, creating nations that have all sort of in-fighting between the two peoples? That’s on us, kids. Still, they don’t have a military worth a damn that can cross the oceans and get to us. So is being over THERE being “patriotic” and really defending our freedom? Fuck no. So WHO are we serving? Rich. White. Dudes. Period. Are THEY “patriotic”? They bribe the government to use military force in nations that they want something from, like oil, or poppy fields for Big Pharma, and they USE us as cheap mercenaries; cannon fodder to secure their FINANCIAL interests, and the thanks veterans get when they get home is shit wages, their families on some sort of financial assistance, and when they need medical or mental health, we practically ignore them and then wonder why the suicide rate for returning vets is so high. Fewer mouths for Uncle Sam to feed, right? Meanwhile, the rich, white dudes don’t ever have to look at them or deal with them and even though the blood is on their hands from war, they weren’t the ones sent in to do the killing. THEY don’t have to deal with the consequences; they just cash in and get rich. No guilt. No empathy. No PTSD. Nada. Just loads of cash. Meanwhile, we use up our munitions and equipment and keep the War Machine and major contractors super-financed in contracts that aren’t bid for anymore. That doesn’t sound at all patriotic to me, but there’s something you need to understand.

YOU are not a person, you’re a component. You’re something to exploit and rob. When people in government today see “We the People” they automatically see that as “We the Rich Fuckers” and the rest of us are the plebes; the livestock that generates money for them and we don’t matter to them. If we did, we’d have had free healthcare coverage and education decades ago, and it’d also be the best on the planet and there’d be a sense of pride in being an American from the richest down to the poorest because we’d be at our healthiest and our smartest. Instead, we revel in our arrogance, our ignorance, and our stupidity. We roll in a puddle of hubris and it seems that most “patriots” don’t even know what that word means. THAT, dear Joes, is the new definition of “patriotism” among the ‘plebe class’, and just like in days of Olde, when the Constitution was first drafted, “People” meant the wealthy class who owned land and property and were the only ones who voted. They got the good food, the good medicine, and the good education while you got little to none of any of it and you’d have been working since the day you could walk and talk at the same time until the day you dropped dead. That’s what MAGA is all about, only trumplefuckstick’s supporters are poor, stupid fucks who must believe that they’re really millionaires who are temporarily inconvenienced at the moment and that they’ll be rich soon with 45 at the helm.

Their idea of “patriotism” is to literally shit on everyone here that isn’t of their ilk- ignorant-as-fuck white, cist-gendered, white, “Christian” MEN or their brainwashed, sidekick women who dine on hate as well. They’re praying for the End of Days one moment, while hoping that just before that happens they get an opportunity to hunt down and murder Obama or HRC or just go on an all-out “nigger hunt” or a chance to do-in the “towelheads” living here. They’re praying for a chance to slaughter anyone LGBTQ because the bible calls them an abomination to be destroyed. They give me the impression that they watch “The Handmaiden’s Tale” and jerk off to it because using women as breeding stock and enslaving them and killing the “uppity ones” is a dirty, wet dream of theirs, and they call it “patriotic”.

So someone out there, please remind me what it truly means to be a Patriot of the United  States of America. As far as I can see, we went from aspirations towards “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country” to “I got mine; fuck the rest of y’all! Bootstraps, fucker! Pull yourself up or just die ‘cause I’m not going to help you. I had to work hard to get what I’ve got. Get a job!” Instead of looking UP at the rich and powerful shitting on us, too many of us are looking down at those less fortunate than those wielding the “White Privilege” card and blaming the POOR for all their woes as they look down their noses at them and continue to let the shit roll downhill instead of reaching down to help someone up. It’s a disgrace. It’s the OPPOSITE of being patriotic. It’s the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what I was taught it meant to be an actual Christian and frankly, the level of hypocrisy from the religious people here is sickening, insulting, and fucking INSANE. 

I tire of so-called “Christians” showing up here telling me that they’re not ALL bad. Well, they ARE. If you’re watching evil transpire before you and you do NOTHING, you’re guilty of that evil too, and frankly I am still waiting for some sort of allied Christian movement to get together enough to call out the ‘false prophets’ getting rich in this country and getting behind, en masse, to see to it we get Universal Healthcare for ALL, a bolstered safety net program that includes “food stamps”, the promotion of medicines and science because if there is a god, we were blessed with senses that should be trying to study how He/She/It made the universe and how to make the world a healthier, safer place of PEACE, not a nation with a bloated military budget that can’t even pass muster when audited while people here in our own country are going hungry and homeless because “fuck you, you peasant, that’s why”. If your idea of being a “Christian” is ignoring the bible and praying at home, in private and you insist on going to a tax have to pray (yes, church) then you’d better be DOING something to fight against the evils sweeping the nation and against the tenants of Jesus. Evangelicals, or Talibangelists as I call them, are on the move. Where the fuck are YOU? Yeah, hanging around your community trying to do “good deeds” is sweet and all, but wouldn’t it fight hunger and poverty MORE, in line with Christ’s teachings, if you got off your ass and rallied AGAINST the Talibangelists and called them out on their bullshit? Where’s your presence in the REAL clear and present danger here? Where is YOUR voice when it comes to defeating the false prophets we’ve been warned repeatedly about?

>Matthew 7:15 clearly states “Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are raving wolves.” Perhaps you “Christians” should STOP ELECTING THEM! Forwarding and backing known pedophiles and sex offenders doesn’t sound too Christian OR patriotic to me.

>Matthew 24:11 Jesus says “and many false prophets will appear and lead many astray.” Sounds like the brainless twats on FOX and trumplefuckstick lying to the masses who slop back the shit like it is gravy and not the feces that it is.

>Matthew 24:24 says “For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.”

>Second Peter 2:1-3 “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.” 

>First John 4:1 “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” So forgive my skepticism of all you alleged “Christians”, but I’ll believe in you when you SHOW me that you’re not all talk and no ACTION. 

> Jeremiah 23:16 Tell me this one doesn’t apply to suckers who vote GOP and Corporate Democrat as well as those fuckwits who go to mega-churches to throw away their money and their souls: “This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.” 

> Ezekiel 13:9 “My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and who give lying divinations. They shall not be in the council of my people, nor be enrolled in the register of the house of Israel, nor shall they enter the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the Lord God.” We have truly FAILED as a nation at this one, kids. So quit with all the religious preaching on my page. If you haven’t sold all you own and have given it all to the poor, then I’m not going to take you seriously. (Matthew 19:21 and Luke 18:22). 

From what my parents and grandparents taught me, part of being a Patriot was to confront evil and help those in need, and honestly, I’m not seeing it from the “Christian” community, only their hubris and vanity and a defensive sense of pride compounded with an extremist element here that uses the Bible as license to commit all manner of atrocities against their fellow countrymen/women etc. even though we were WARNED about this sort of fuckery- “because they are turning whole families away from the truth by their false teaching. And they do it only for money” (Titus 1:11) AND “Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.” (1 Timothy 6:5).

If you haven’t noticed, we are HERE: 

> 2nd Tim 4:3-4 “the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.” So let’s just pull this sanctimonious bus off to the side of the pretentiousness highway and cut the shit with your religious ramblings and let’s focus on saving the world and figuring out what it truly means to be “patriotic”, shall we? We SHOULD be looking out for one another REGARDLESS of religious beliefs.

Having said all that, Dear Joes, tell me this- how do YOU define “Patriotism” today?

[html-fuck-blog]

Right fuckers I’m absolutely fucking done, I literally canny be fucked anymore// is the simulation gonna reboot soon??/ I fucking hopes so. This is been too much for a while now, and this whole faith in the simulation and the programmer is one of the most draining things that I’ve ever had to deal with. Now don’t get me wrong, I adore the fact that I now have something to pray for//to but seriously starting to question this. I hated the fact the people dedicated their lives to these fucking religions and changed their whole perspectives and personalities just so the some ‘’god’’ somewhere can fucking accept them. Well listen to this fuckers, ye gotta accept yourself. It’s never gonna work any other way. God is here to fuck u up, u are here to fuck you up. So stop it. Stop over thinking. Stop telling people ur a cunt. They know. Stop believing that someone, somewhere is gonna come and rescue u. this is ur life. This is your home. Your house. Your bench. I don’t know where the fuck you sleep but wherever is it, it’s yours.

Think about this. When u wake up in the morning, what’s your first thought??? I can tell you right now, whatever lie you just tried to tell yourself, it’s not tru. The first thing u think about is yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s never selfish. I canny stand people who say that you can’t think about yourself, you can’t do things solely for the purpose of you. Well fuck that. Of course you fucking can. No one else in the world gives a fuck about you. Cause when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter how ‘’nice’’ or fucking caring you are. Everything is about you. And who fucking cares. I am proud to be a narcissist. There aint a thing wrong with it. I wanna think about myself, I wanna care and be kind to me. Praise myself. I am proud of every goddamm cell that courses through my simulated body. And thank fuck I feel that way, cause I swear to whatever the fuck made us, I canny be fucked being let down by every soul that walks through my life. Everyone just needs to give up, if you truly, truly care about others more than yourself then fan-fucking-tastic, but you’re lying.

What is anyone gonna do, honestly? If we all just decide one day that it’s just us, just individual things trying their hardest to make it through the day. Some might disagree with this and I know that, trust me, especially that fucking Jim Hamlyn, but hear me out eh? If we all fended for ourselves and no one else, how would things change? Would we get everything done the way we want it? Would we teach ourselves so many more skills cause we don’t want to seek out others for help? Honestly, yes. If I wanted to learn how to sail, but we were all self-centred, then I have to teach myself, I can’t seek someone out, they’re too busy wrapped up in themselves. So there we go, I’ve just taught myself to sail, and I’ve grown. Made mistakes probably almost drowned, but I did it. Myself.

This simulation is designed for something and whether we have to figure it out or not, it still rests in my chest every day, and I’m sure it sits with others too. What the fuck is the point in all of this. Well I can tell you this for sure, it’s definitely not anything we’ve ever proposed it is before. Take this into consideration. When u play a game, most of us a too lazy to take the tutorials, even though they explain in explicit detail how to win. Instead we struggle, level after level after level. And then suddenly, after you’ve fucked it for the 800th time, something clicks, you realise the aim of the game and from there on out it’s the simplest fucking thing anyone has ever achieved. Once we’ve got the game and we’re winning, what do we do? Post it. Make videos, start channels, write blogs, create art. It all comes at once. All the right things. So in theory, if we had figured out the meaning to this life, this simulation, life wouldn’t be shit. You wouldn’t wake up every morning wishing you hadn’t. Or maybe that’s just me. But who cares if it’s just me, that’s for me to worry about, not you.

You see this just makes me think that maybe, this specific simulation is supposed to be nice. It’s not designed to let us live our best existence, we’re definitely part of some fucked up experiment// I don’t know maybe to figure out how humans a real shit heads. Cause let’s be honest, we are. Maybe in the future we fucked up so bad, and now they’re trying to figure out if it could have been fixed at any point in history. So our world is the opposite of what it should be. And to be fair, it might be evident to people who aren’t /thick\ I mean come on for fuck sake, trump is president and the voting system hasn’t worked in a long time, doesn’t fucking matter what u chose the government has chosen well before they ever released posters. So what are we supposed to do if this simulation will never give us what we want? We could work our fucking asses off, and never get where we want to be. We will always, always, almost make it. It’s the sim the grew up wanting to be an established artist, spent their whole life dedicating themselves to the practice, spending all their money on exhibitions and flyers, trying to get their name out there, but in the end they’re a lecturer. And don’t get me wrong, they’re probably a fantastic teacher, always there for their students, whether its academic or personal, never letting them go through things alone, they love their job, it’s so fulfilling and the salary is amazing. But when they get home, put the kettle on and sit down to check emails one last time that night, they can feel it, in their chest. This isn’t right. It’s not what the dreamed of. But they can never be ungrateful, cause they have a cushty life, big house, big job, good friends who don’t bitch that much. How can you be ungrateful???? You can’t// there’s the problem. That’s the simulation for me. It give you everything you could ever ask for but not quite, just a little bit off the mark. But you can’t do anything. Is that not just fucking torture???? Cause it is for me. This place is a fucking prison and I’m sick of it. I just want them to finish this whole fuck up cause literally none of us want to be here.

Have you spoken to millennials lately???? When we say we can’t wait till we’re old, it’s not cause we’re wishing our lives away. Well I suppose we are. Cause this is shit. Nothing we achieve will ever be good. We will never afford to be on the housing ladder, never qualified enough to live our dream job. So we just want to get to the end. To the part where we get to sit and relax and not worry about how the fuck any of us r going to survive on minimum wages and vegetables that cost £8 each. Most millennials, excluding ones who got pregnant during or after high school, don’t want children. Mainly cause their pals had kids in high school, and it’s easier to help them, plus they help them for so long that they feel like they’ve raised a child. People used to raise children communally, and it seems like millennials are reverting back to that. Even though I don’t get to see my niece and nephew every day, I still feel like I’ve been part of their life enough that I might have fulfilled the child sized gap in my existence. So many of us don’t want to get married either. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be loved. I think we’re all just aware enough that a bit of fucking paper and a party doesn’t change how you feel about someone. And yes while it’s a nice idea to celebrate your love for one another, and I think weddings are magical and beautiful, just think about what you could do with the money. Instead of spending tens of thousands on one night with friends and family, and then a few days in the Bahamas having a shagadelic weekend, you could buy a plot of land and build a fucking house. Do you know what that provides????? All the nights you could ever want with family and friends and a shagathon whenever you feel like it. Plus you get to do it all in a space you designed, a place that feels safer than your mother’s womb. Because it’s yours, every bit of it, right down to the bloody door jams.

[throwingideasatthewall]

The Clone Wars    Senate Murders

          (Season 2 Episode 15)

Ack      ....  So     are     we    going     to    address     the     guy      that    got     killed?      . .      Oh      This   is a new one       . . .         Oh       No       . . .        The        Bab        ies        -      Will       Only    Pro     Long

  Oh good

 [I was worried      I was going to have to pull out  The old   “Amidala kills children,”      Thing,]

   Any way,      That’s            Good        I like        babies not getting         hurt,         [Cute things in      general]    

      Oof           That’s           Not-

     [pretty sure       that’s the            point]

       Whelp

Well I have teased       Amidala pretty       unmercifully,      Regarding       That        Episode,        I do    still give her       a bit of slack          (Age    appropriate)       Because she still    has a chance to        un-feck the situation      [In the       story]

 Least we know    it      isn’t her getting   poison      ed this time,

 Oh,   never     mind,

That actually    did   apparently   help     (slightly)     (in the   unaccountable)        (Slightly           less       toxicity          in         air)

     Smooth

      Hold             Up           Wait,          Wasn’t              Ready           (Sus             Pect-           Ing-       Animation           That       smooth,

      I          think that was      Sa-        tine          -            Good         ref      (erence)          Picking       up        right       where       he      left        off  

   C-3PO

   Nice

  Whelp

-Windows        -

   Okay,        Minor        Issue?

  ?

  Oh it’s a whole bunch of them

   That’s nice-

      Senator            Stonk

“what will the public think   if I don’t want to make child soldiers,?”

     -Boomer

    (Probably)

   “But he wants to know    how very sorry he is,”

    Haha

      That   is the correct tone

  “Sorry-”

   Sorry doesn’t get you anything

   It’s an attempt to control the     narr-     ative

And    nothing else

 (If you screw up just      fix the problem     don’t keep dragging the tox,”

   Votes

  That’s nice

This is a very non-toxic         healthy tea

  (I know he’s kind of assuming authority          here

    But they   seem to be pretty close friends-

   Who are covered under the friend-      ship rules

“ A.k.a. not doing it to a random stranger who doesn’t like it,”

 Good rule

Oh God      It’s        

THAT

fucker..  

   ?

With the line about   convincing     other people of good?

I-

 Nope-

Note; this isn’t an official X

 It’s just a show my venomous   hatred of this guy..

And the episode he   Spawned    from

 Which was the first one to     earn a strike from me...

For normalizing    abuse...

With that in mind I give this episode the benefit of the     doubt...

  Even with that     concerning opening line

  So I will acknowledge I am slightly doubtful

 [not quite   putting on the   SWAT gear,    maybe just     a bat]

With that-     in mind- let’s continue...

... .

Mistakes       ...     

Em-     That at least counts as   one tox

Bring up the previous   things you did wrong     does not fix it

It’s guilt tripping

And an attempt to get the other party to validate   your toxicity

Dude’s      Towing..

Just after a joke   about how sorry doesn’t do anything

I hope the writers can see the irony in that

(Utilize          It)

  Peace         -         Dick

  Ah

   Hey-

[Repeat generations/friends can be friends with older     members,      just      Weird,]         -        Any       ,Way-

  Aight

  Ni’     gh    t’

 Ah- did they skip over to it or they   going?

“exciting isn’t quite the word   I would use,”

Toxic,     authority assuming,     enabling,

Authority assume     is not ok  regardless of what generation you   are

[Dude’s going to be a Traitor,        Isn’t he?

  They focused on him

  Might be actually a good bit of tension    if he didn’t      (Former   Separatist)

Terri-fying

Yeah surrounded by a bunch of toxic boomers   who will   feel free.    To be as doubting       distrustful.    negative     and overall unhelpful

As you allow

And they feel like pushing the   boundary...

Mind

Or-     gana

Dick move

It’s her     personal opinion       -      and it ain’t   tox?

People can have   dislikes

Not like she called you an   Overinvolved boomer       —        or held you to any   accountability       (Yet)          ...    

 Who order-

[This is getting really     tox

and I don’t trust the   writers           ✖️ Just   putting      it     over        there         in       case      I need it           .....

 Hm

 You

 ..  [Grooming        isn’t cool

 Self deprecation       isn’t either]

  Aight

  Hm

 Also there’s a process you need to go to to speak?

Money doesn’t   matter -

Killing    -      and     hatred      but       the   pacifistic        bitch        vilified

*Spoken   in  complement

She kicked     ASS   last episode

*sorry   for the vulgarity       I’m excited      . .       Also,    so is this     Padme’s episode.

 Cause        Neat.

 Good

 But are votes   casted by     clapping?

(I’m not sure)

 Okay

  Whelp

That’s     either a bad guy       or damn good red   herring

I’m intrigued

Also, whatever happened to     Clovis?

Like,      he still a        senator?

He get   kicked?

Uhm

Dude,

 False   appreciation

Also yeah     what was with that dude       earlier?

[Uncle what’s his name apologize to him for Padme’s comment despite Uncle what’s his name being the one who made it, implying dude took a serious issue with it,]

Also,   Oo, is this working of the previous quote about the line between friends and foes being blurred.

              [I like                  consistency]

So it has to be one of those guys,

The ones in the   room with her,

I’m putting a guess on   Senator-

 The one uncle       what’s- his-name         apologized to

      That guy

[Or it could be that guy that]

No actually he’s probably   abstain        ed for that reason

Sorry      I’m getting ahead          -     But it does say     “Murder,”

   And        I      am    curious        .     Really   going   over       -         Also    why   is that guy   bowing?

[Tran-slation?]

Right        .        obvious     villain       .

 Also   light bullshit..

There’s no-   way guy could’ve made it over there

The thing is still in session

We saw him less than a    minute ago

 And she just came in directly

[He’d be         halfway down the hallway]

For likely scope

Yeah, this dude is totally a     Red     Herring       -        He’s    way    too    over     the     top       ...    I’m putting my bets      On that human Senator          Guy           .       CHILD SOLDIERS      ARE BAD!       [sorry I just   felt the need to say that,]

  Okay,    Uncle-what’s his name-

Other person

 That guy-

  Drink      -ing!

  Nice

  Vi-ctory

   Oh, this looks like a problem

    Child groomers          In-       corporate-

    Off

Second Red herring!

(It’s that guy   and I’m sticking with        it)

  Private

  Yeah,  like how did he even get into the room without a key card?

  I know Amidala’s a senator and      by that,               A public      servant,         But you figure if they’re bringing out the    alcohol, they’d shut the door

   -Declare      off hours

  -For the celeb     ration-

 Separatist      Con        Spiracy-

   She has a     point-

   You did a     hundred percent enable his behavior

    (No argument            there)

      Pro- separatist

Ah, uncle back stabber there would contradict you

   Not sure if you’re the same species

But,       you do know about his bullshit,

Don’t assume accountability       free snarking             Territory           (They’re all enablers so I’m not even going to bother with the math,      About who screwed up more,          All the   elders   here are held to the same standard,       About,

 Uncle Backstabber a little more

   *Since I know what he did,

Account

From the most bastard,       of the group,

Who’s the next Red herring?

It’s that dude     I swear      Soon

Yeah child soldiering is a bitch

As is enabling

But she has no idea what’s going to happen     being the past.

Dick,    whelp,

Poor       Frita       (I think)

He’s going       he’s going to get roped into this too     isn’t he?

      “ We you must be doing something right,”

Nah,  enabling abusers  never a good idea

   But then again there’s no rules for dealing with trauma individuals because they aren’t supposed to be any

   How long that takes and what it entails

   Is down to who ever is        asserting accountability     (Excluding      the actual accountability, cutting      Them off)

That’s unnegotiable

(And it can’t involve   death)

Too.     harsh-

No you haven’t-

Well, yeah

But that’s     accessory at best     ... Ono you’ve done a wonderful job

No he hasn’t

Don’t coddle   the abuser

 He’s screwed up pretty consistently

 Pretty sure       it’s more than five

And was leading to let the future get     hecked         ...

 Very       Likely

He wasn’t hurt

The other lady   spent a lot more time defending

She should get the ‘don’t listen to them’

If anything just    ‘reflect the bitch’          (Neutral)          Aight    

     Too          Late!

      Can someone stop      playing the sad music?

      This isn’t sad

     And you can’t make me       sympathize for the abuser

   (I- don’t trust this     writer)

    That Dude sus

    Aight

  Faker-

He’s dying you        dumb ass

(Having a      heart attack       probably

  All the stress            of denial)

   Whelp

Call!

 Please

 Whelp

 -Oh wait      bitch is dead?

Uhm.

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD  the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!    

 (I know that seems really harsh-            But dude- deserved it

And I never have to deal with that character        anymore!

So,

 Al-      right       the      funeral;

 Um,

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD  the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

 (I’m sorry I really hated that      character-)

* In reality      the loss of life is a very serious thing and      I don’t mean to make light of it

 But no one is required      to feel sad about their abusers-         Nor toxic individuals        Nor anyone else        Yes the loss of life is a     serious thing           But it should not             And could not         control a person’s life

I’ve always played accountability    over death          Or death   penalty           ...

“...was is a flawed man,”

  He tried to sell someone into   slavery...

  The fact that Amidala was an adult           and could get out of the situation           Doesn’t forgive        how terrible that situation was.

    Un-healthy           And        Wrong

   “Own    mistakes”

 And he tried to guilt trip everyone       into giving him validation

    Specifically           Amidala

      Every        occasion

    [Also      flawed          Some          one        breaking            the           code           once             or           twice,           (Under            five)            Is        flawed,

       This         dude          tox,  

       He should’ve been sentenced     to      accountability along time ago

    For trying to make the world      a generally terrible place for someone

    Multiple times-

  That’s not okay

   [and he clearly         didn’t learn his lesson]

    [Note; whether a person “learned their lesson” or not,            Is irrelevant

   [They already    knew the rules before]

But he never compromised his principles-

    HaHAha,

    What?

That’s because   dude didn’t have any principles

He broke them long before,

Also why the frick does Master Yoda care?

Dude    was          a      politic,

 The     Fuck,

He engaging this propaganda?

Why?

Why does he care about any of this.

Why does   ANY     one

[Satine, alright, hermen got murdered and she might be looking for evidence on who-done-it   That’s fair

?

Oh says it’s an everyone event

That makes sense

Guessing the Jedi are required   to come or else the branded as that asshole

Fair

 Eyes

Aight

What-      ever-

   ?

Why the guard?

Like cultural customs

Aren’t honor guards          for veterans      (And possibly extremely         high positions,      Like         Chancellor?

As technical commander of the army?

Like,      Explain?

That guy-

 Sus

 Very       Sus-

   Pas-         sed

    I’d say      to find his killer

     But yeah I can’t really   blame anyone for not    caring that much     about that dude

   Specifically      Amidala

(Though     accountability law..

   D

   Frita is honestly my favorite        character

   I don’t know       why.

     Possibly his relation to the           chancellor and how      he still a good natured guy,

     Aight

     Yeah     he was a dick,

Hope those aren’t memories     [also        totally the        Kamooin               B-            Right?

                    [Like                         I’m totally still after                          Dude, ]

But she’s   the only one that     touched the bottle]

That we saw?

Dude did suggest it

      Still        heavily          sussing              him                .          No           Face               .              Also       is that his wife?

     (Don’t think it was         ever established)

     I-

    Mentor

     ?

   How old is this person?

I’m gonna assume     adult

 So.

He toxically asserted   authority over me.

Or wrong choice of words and they meant like     “best friend”

 Cause that’s kind of     tox,

Me?

  - -

  This is     getting       Hella          tox

    You’re       a      person

    Yeah you might miss him   and that’s totally fine

     But-

You’re still a person completely able to   self determine.

   ‘ take his place,’

   Oh no

   Oh no

   Shit

   Just what she needs         overinvolvement 

   Right

   Not        threatening at all    

    Oh         Red           .         We        never       see      them      enter            .         Right            .            Well this turned from a private party     to a    Conference

   I thought he was just calling    to offer condolences.

   Questions.

Oh,    Did you not tell the loud ones what happened to their loved one?

  (Like normally I’m all for no one should      witness anyone else’s death          Or that news be public

   But this is assumed authority.         And that stuff is pretty normal

     Regardless       of how terrible.       Senator Fa

This guy seems like a drip

[Guessing that’s the reason why       Amidala is going to end up taking charge,]

Because      the Chancellor     hired a sham detector    Whelp

   Dick way to put it

  True, the protocol for murder          isn’t cutting and clear

   Dragging random people into it, isn’t

   You see it          you’re        immediately accountable,

      (Only by view of the body,          Not by word of mouth)

Because this kind of approach is super          in-effective,

  Whelp        Great

  Also there were thousands of       senators in that building that could screw up the thing

Only five

(I’ll give the        murder        mystery            It’s             Dues,           And           let it          continue,             But       (im-probabilit-           ies is not a good thing)

        Might              Want                    To                  Avoid

(Also     if that’s the     qualification;       I’m sussing         Amidala,          Dude      was                 a           dick           to          her)

    THOUGH              I’M STILL-         SUSS      -ING           DUDE       IN           Blue?     dude with the    beard

   That      one.

   Build-ing    <—-    He          Sus

   Him

—-

 Ha!

Here

Hey   that was almost emotion,      Nice

(also, dang how frequent are   murders?

Him

<—-

  He          Sus

   He didn’t take a seat         like everyone else

   [Also, it was purple    Dude wearing purple     that’s who I’m talking about]

Also are you going to introduce him as the     detective ?

‘cause you’re kind of   screwing with these people

Not   telling them what’s going on

Answering in vague Snark

Him.    ...

For no reason

Considering he was an uncountable toxic frick who allowed it lots of people to get hurt-

  I’m       mad,

 A ight

Right..

 And

Okay, He’s got a point

Immediate accountability     is the case murder     for good reason

Surprised they didn’t start       this right after the     murder

When it happened

Dude- [i’m not going to criticize       the spatial awareness]

Him

<—-

 Right         there

  Murder

A good point since     they really haven’t explained anything?

   Okay,         Right

Or anyone     stealthy

  Though yeah I guess    politicians

  [just don’t like the        generalization]

   Someone good        With he rbs..

  Okay.

  Neat.

  Insult.

Poor.   Frita

  He didn’t deserve     this,

(Well yeah he’s an enabler,)

But       He’s the least toxic..

[Also poor Frita,       Always       getting sucked into these mysteries

   He’s the shaggy        of this damn group

   [Likes food          and hanging out with people,          Gets dragged into      bullshit,

 Rip

Insulting     the whole damn room             .....            This character is                 obnoxious

            But in a fun way

             The narr              -atives-            clearly having fun

Ono        yeah       he   was    an   open   dick

  [Seriously they’re treating him    like-]

  ?

 No it couldn’t possibly be because he was an       ex separatist,

Open book         Case,

Con-troversial

 Politicians      arguing over basic human decency

   And common sense

    ‘Do we really.. Ok        that’s enough politic jokes

   The movie started it         so I had to finish it.

  Now on with.

      Dude drunk

     Dick

  “ I’m        totally-”

 Um, this is     delicious corruption

How long until     Amidala figures what’s going on?

  Whelp

He just     left?

   He really is a       quack

    Did you find him         on       fakedetectives.com?

     Palpatine?

    Crud

    Okay,

    That guy,

    Target

   Good

  Aight

Also it’s that guy     Authority ass-     umer sus,

  No       No,

Good plan

Ono

  Good      plan

  Evil.

  Aight

    .

  Good

In-vestigation

   Yes-       Good

    Let’s           Do           It           ...

    It’s that guy

    Him

He     -a dick

Also not to claim authority over   him

Not, not to be     cu-     rious-    -

No-pe

Authority   figures     don’t 

 He was an ass

Also yeah just     put   all the possible suspects in the room      -         That       Guy

Uhm

Ty-pho

Agana!

  That       fricker

   Onu          looked         at him         before         his death                 -             He came back last       to the party-

       He was the first             to suggest opening the drinks             -              Also the thing with the detective       and him just trying to get over as quickly as possible

        He sus,  

Aight,   

Right,       -       Don’t - get stabbed

Um-

Aight

Wha-

 Ha, such a red         herring-

 Okay-

Oh, Red herring        Co-nference

  Didn’t notice the     snake lady          (Kamoin)     Empty     Chair       -        Also     they know each other?

  Good,        evil for them,

  Fair

 Aight

Also yeah the         boomers here didn’t do it       -         More     likely someone from the Present     Gen.. . 

Theory

That      Guy..

Guy’s like damn

Like just give her your time and your place and       your alibi.

Whelp,       Aight

So I’m pretty sure if I had paid attention to the     bottles,        That wouldn’t have   matched up       ...

Yeah he was a separatist

              DAMN

    Like I saw the hand on the dock            But I thought it was an assassin        or team up

                But  

                 DAMN

                               I feel                                   verified

              Until it played music                       victory music                         Over the arrest                       of a distressed                        and less toxic                            person

*While   painting      the      toxic     person           as a        saint

                  Which I cannot                          condone

         As such;

                  it earns my most                             regretful                              strike;

Official;

   For attempting to     excuse a toxic       person’s          actions

* I want to emphasize that this is not ok, a person does not get off for un- accountable actions, simply by apologizing, never mind the fact          - that it is an attempt    to guilt-trip       Invalidate          And      Gas-    light               The       Recipient,       But also should not apply to someone that has repeatedly attempt to Gaslight, guilt trip and sell a person into slavery;         (Crossing more than five accounts)

[never mind the selectivi       ty of what it is applied        “Ano” getting away         With slavery, be        -cause he        Was “So-      rry,” gun        held to      (-near)        his       Back      While      Lolo       doesn’t     just   mummer      sorry)

         That once you commit harm              against another person.. it can                not be taken back, the victim       owes you no sympathy, no    right to their emotions, and        certainly, no un      accountability-       Forgive      Ness-      From what you have done.

   You must live with what you have        commit

   Regard        Less

[sarcasticshutter]

Man, a lot happens in a year: Number 2020

Started these yearly reviews back when I was in high school lol, and def haven’t done it every year (or if I did they’re not all on tumblr. Who knows, cause I feel like I’ve done more than I’ve found here) but I’d like to reflect on 2020 because wow. It obviously feels to everyone like a lost year where all you did was sit around at home and mourn all the normal things and the plans and the big life goals that have been fully stopped in their tracks thanks to a little (ongoing) global pandemic. 

Hello to future me, hope things are well. Shit sure is strange and tenuous at the moment lol. But it’ll all get unstuck again and the world will start turning soon enough. You know that. Anyway from where I’m sitting right now, it’s kind of hard to remember anything that’s happened this year. It feels like I’ve blinked and a year has been omitted from my life, aside from the first three months of 2020 where I was still very much out and rolling on my life-momentum and doing exciting things. So I just want to convince myself that things *have* happened this year, and actually they haven’t been so bad, and to reflect on life going on despite the odd flavor permeating everything this year. I’m glad that’s all I have to complain about because I guess feeling stuck isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person. I digress. Here’s the highlights I’ve meandered through this year with my eyes closed apparently lol. Please enjoy them with me as I remember them again:

Travelled to Belize, Mexico, Jamaica, Haiti, the Cayman Islands, St Thomas (and probably more) Caribbean islands on the final months of my ship contract

Got to live through the distinctly odd and certainly once in a lifetime experience of being stranded on a cruise ship as the world shut all of its borders in March to reduce transmission of a global pandemic. Feels surreal to think about all the stuff I was seeing as it happened and how that’s probably a very small percentage of people on this planet who were...forgive me...in that boat at that moment in our collective history. So eerie, but with the calm of knowing you don’t know how bad it actually is out there. The self awareness that this is bigger than you can comprehend yet. Eye of the storm type feeling

St Patricks day party on that cruise ship when the rest of the world had ground to a halt and we all were stranded out there isolating as one sealed off covid pod of crewmembers, because if one of us on the ship had it we were all gonna have it. So no use distancing among us at that point. We had no guests left on board and had a huge end of the world party on the pool deck with full use of the guest pools and bars lol

Came home and life slowed waaaay down in march/april. Hiked with mom and dad, saw a lot more of the cats, had a wholly uneventful zoom birthday in early April for my 26th. A weird birthday for what felt like a strange age for me. 26 just fit weird as a number, I’m much more switched on for 27 for some reason. This one coming up feels more right somehow

Spent time in the pool, and doing a lot of yoga which has carried me through this whole year as a constant mellower of things for me mentally. A repeated exercise in re-grounding

Visited Alex in Flagstaff! Got to see meteor crater and spent a cute weekend in a little air bnb with my family, and did some aspen-y hiking as well

Bought my first car with my own money outright, that I’d been saving for the whole time I was in NYC. Been learning to be comfortable driving since I’ve never felt that way in my life lol, but I do think I’m less stressed behind the wheel now than I’ve ever been. Has been so nice to finally be combing through that anxiety. Finally was ready for it I guess

Started a (very long distance) relationship with a friend from the ship. He’s been a huge relief as far as someone to lean on through this year and a great sounding board for frustrations/lifeline to some feeling of sanity a good number of times. Shit is weird but taking this step still feels right, so we’ll see where tf this relationship is going haha

Moved to Tucson with a bff from college. A gigantic help for my sanity as far as getting a feeling of self reliance back and feeling like I have my own space. Soso grateful to be able to be sharing her home with her

Got a part time job so I could not feel so helplessly tied to the clusterfuck that has been unemployment insurance this year. Still have a lot to sort out with that... Glad to be earning my own cash, and glad that the weird little ragtag group of coworkers I’ve found myself with are actually a group of good hearts 

Pumpkin carving and a night hike up in Phoenix with my family for Halloween. And made sure I dropped off my early voting ballot to see that fucker out of office lol

Sweet god, Biden’s horrendously way too close presidential win. Can you imagine the other outcome... This is maybe the biggest relief of 2020 that he didn’t scrape out a second term

Outdoor attempt at a covid safe thanksgiving with my parents and my grandparents on my moms side in Phoenix

Finally had the balls to schedule a scary doctors appointment I’d been using covid to avoid going to. Got back the clean health news I had been anxious I wouldn’t receive. A huge weight off my chest that had been sitting there in the back of my thoughts since last year

Outdoor attempt at a covid safe christmas at my dads’ parents’ house in Sun City, and some cinnamon rolls and peanut butter ball making with my parents. Drove through a huge neighborhood of christmas lights and did a small mom and dad christmas gift opening on christmas eve night

Virtual new years game nights with SASH and the Joneses. Didn’t see a single firework or leave the house (heard em though) and felt surrounded by my closest friends safely even without seeing them in person

None of this stuff is all that flashy and a lot of the normal holidays or events, or even everyday things, were so much more low key and quiet this year. But it was still nice to at least have found a way to celebrate in a stripped down, sort of back to basics way. Glad to have been able to see my family so much more this year. Glad to have had countless meaningful text conversations with my friends who have had the same issues as me as far as having our entire industry unable to function for the last 9 months with no end in sight. The candidness of speaking about the difficulties everyone has had this year, but specifically sharing that weight of the arts being particularly suffocated, and having all of our young career momentums snuffed out for no reason of our own, has been soothing to commiserate about. It’s been a mentally taxing year in the hardest to describe way. But I’m glad that as hard as it is to find kind words for this year, at least it’s just boring and stuck and frustrated that are the things I’m feeling. Because I’ve managed not to lose anyone close to me, or have anyone dealing with any serious illnesses at the moment. 

(I believe) I’ve worked through all of the absolute bullshit I had on my plate in 2019. This year has been easier for me than last, as nuts as that sounds with every thing going on in 2020. I’m out of a suffocating relationship that had become very wrong for me.  Left the city that was killing me to remain stuck in. Had the courage to take this cruise job that I’d been curious about since graduation. Got to travel the world and meet amazing people I otherwise would have never known.  Met a new guy I’ve felt so much more effortlessly in sync with than I ever did in the last relationship. And that’s in an LDR lol, I can’t believe how comfortable that’s been given the ludicrous circumstances of seeing a guy from a different continent, 8 time zones away, during a global pandemic where our borders are shut to foreign visitors and we still at this moment don’t know when they’ll reopen. 

This year I’m just coasting in a house with my friend. Going to work at an easy job that covers my bills. Having the health and freedom to drive *my* car two hours to see my family way more often than I’ve seen them in the past four years. I’m feeling a lot more appreciative of my relationship with my brother, my parents, my grandparents. I’m feeling better about maybe returning to live where I’m from instead of seeing it with a chip on my shoulder. So in a lot of ways 2020 has been less of an emotional mindfuck for me than 2019 was. Or it’s at least been the landing pad to detangle everything from 2019.  I’ve been learning that maybe gathering a bit closer to a support system isn’t a weakness, but a comfort instead.

So this isn’t the tour de force bucket list I’ve grown accustomed to watching myself tackle in each year since undergrad. It’s a retracting of arms, and a regrouping to center. Being forced into looking inward at small details I hadn’t been interested in seeing lately. May be nice just to collect my feet underneath me again and take in all this chaotic crash course learning I’ve been doing the last few years before stepping back out of the plane. Time will tell if 2021 is another time of building and reflection, or a time to start taking a few shaky steps back out into whatever comes next.

What a year.

[rivier]

so yeah 2017

here’s the thing.  

This time last year, pretty much everyone was throwing up their hands in horror: Brexit, Trump, rise of the Alt-right everywhere, and famous death after famous death, not just the usual 80-something novelists and politicians, suddenly it was a whole armful of people many of us have loved deeply, gone way too early - from Bowie to Carrie via Prince and George Michael and Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, lovely Anton Yelchin.  So everyone was big on “roll on 2017!” and it duly rolled on and for many, many people I know, 2017 was even more craptacular and despair-inducing, and now it’s “thank god that shithole of a year is done, let’s drink to 2018!″ 

Which I understand.  But for me the truth is 2017, compared to 2016 and indeed at least four or five years before it, this has been a pretty damned good year for me, all told.  

Oh, it started terrible: work, that had been hard and grisly but was at least intellectually satisfying, work flipped on its end and by the end of my first week in January I was abruptly, utterly demoralised, destabilised, facing a real battle for the next few months.  It was as shitty and enervating as anything I’ve ever done, right up to 31 March, in fact (the day I escaped from Terrible Job).  Boy, there are people I worked for - because in no way was it ‘with’ - during those three months and the year or so before, that I hate now with cool, diamond-hard marrow-deep irrevocable and absolute conviction.  In both career and personal senses, I sincerely hope to live to see their coffins walk, every last one, and when they do I’ll raise a glass of champagne every damned time.  They did me quite deliberate harm, at a dreadful period of my life, and I’m a West Ham girl at heart, we hold our wrongs close and we are short on forgiveness, huge on vengeance.

At about the same time things happened in my personal life that no-one outside my close family knows anything about, and it’s staying that way but they were truly horrible and almost totally out of the blue.  If nothing else, they prove that depression for me is a chemical thing not circumstantial, because I got through those first few months of 2017 without going mad, breaking down or killing myself and no word of a lie, if I’d been clinically depressed at the same time, I doubt I’d have been here now.  It was all too much to bear with wonky brain chemicals on top.  As it was, my brain was stressed but fighting hard every which way, my body wasn’t pissing all its serotonin up the walls: we all survived.  Though again, one person in particular caused so much hurt for me and mine that I would literally and eagerly beat this individual to death if the chance fell my way, without hesitation or scruple, if I had the slightest chance of getting away with it.  Sorry to be so nasty but it is the truth.  They’ve sowed so much deliberate harm... well, their day in the dark will come, that much I do know.

That’s really the point of this post - not that I’m an axe murderer, but that things do change.  When you’re at your worst you don’t stay there forever, not in all things.  After April my life (my luck?) started to turn.  I moved jobs, then moved again, and each time I’ve been very fortunate in having supportive managers who give a shit about all their staff, and work I seem to have an aptitude for.  The domestic badness hasn’t really been resolved, but we’ve learned to reshape ourselves around it, we’re all getting in with things anyway.  

But here I am, end of 2017, in a better place all round than I’ve been for several years.  I’m reasonably healthy, as are most of the people I care about (and the Overlords).  I’m reasonably solvent, albeit with a fair bit more debt than my family has any idea about, but if the worst happens my house will more than cover all that and then some.  I like my job - actually I really love it right now, even when it’s running me into the ground (mostly).  I’m happier in fandom terms than I’ve been in years, maybe even the best part of a decade?  I’m writing again too, when I can tear myself away from the terrible procrastination. I’ve met people whose company (online and off) I really enjoy, which for a bad-tempered misanthropic old fucker like me is not to be sneered at.

Compared to 2016, the Grim Reaper has had a piss-poor year in terms of people whose deaths mean something to me personally.  Politically - well, I’m a hateful Tory cunt who voted Remain, but who has been so repulsed by the bullying politics of most of the EU bigmouths I’m now not just willing to accept democracy’s decision, I positively champion it: ready to pull up the drawbridge tightly and take our chances, that’s me now.

And what Rose McGowan and the NYT kicked off in October has turned out to be seismic in terms of exposing the endemic, entrenched omnipotent sexism that rules every single part of our world.  I’ve used the mantra ‘miles to go’ for years now, blogging about anything feminist / equality-oriented, because I think it’s true.  We have so far to go before gender equality is any kind of reality, it might as well be infinity.  Not in my lifetime, not in yours, not in any children you have or may have, that is a certainty.  Half the population hold implicit power over the other half - in work, at home, in public and private and in every single sphere of social existence, and don’t kid yourselves they've got the slightest understanding of what it’s like to be on the non-dominant side, let alone the slightest appetite for evening things out, for handing over one molecule of their power.  

But Weinstein’s downfall and the ripples from that turd sinking in the lake - they have started to change perception in a way nothing else maybe even in my lifetime has.  It’s the good fortune of this happening in the internet’s era of editorial-free transparency.  #MeToo wouldn’t have stood a chance in male-oriented mainstream media - but here, on online social media platforms, finally we started to see that the sexist oppression and hatred and casual, barely-worth-mentioning everyday abuse isn’t unique to me, or you or you or you, sisters.  We have all been there on the receiving end, all our lives to date - we’ll continue to be, but knowing we aren’t in any way outliers, odd or unusual in that respect is one big fucking beautiful, powerful stride down that infinite road.  

So the point of this big screed is - if you’ve had a shitty 2017, no matter how bad it is or where you’re at now, it WILL change for the better.  Nature, karma, balance, the roll of time - all require that anything that is how it is now will change. At some point, the things that are panning out well for me will stop - I’m hoping not for a while, because the last few years have been enough of a shit-parade for me to feel I’m owed a little bit more of an easy path, or so I hope.  

But things change, everything changes.  If you’ve had a good 2017, I hope it continues as long as possible, or that the roundabouts and swings don’t dip too much in 2018.  If you’ve hated this year with the pure indecent spleen of my ancestors - I hope you’ll see things changing to better times, and soon.

Happy 2018 peeps.

[divine-ruin]

Communication. (Prompt #9 Linkpearl)

Declan grinned at Caolan with a knowing smile, a lit cigar sitting between his teeth.  "So yer Caolan, huh?  Yep, yer exactly as I pictured ya, son.  Our Shida’s been doin’ quite a bit o’ bragging on ya.  However, you do that armor some justice that most can't.  This is Iria's brother Edrian, we call him Ian for short.    I gotta tell ya that I was quite surprised to hear that she was seein' anyone, so I can't thank ya enough fer being some help if that's what yer wantin' ta do. These bastards that took my daughter are some right greedy shitheads that wasn't worth the salt they sweat on a daily basis.  They wanted more money but they didn't want to work for it."

Declan grinned over at Caolan playfully before giving his son a once over.  "Get taller, will ya?  This guy practically dwarfs everyone standin’ here."  He popped him in the back of the head before ruffling his hair. "Dad, knock the shit off," Ian growled.  "Caolan, Shida, we're really sorry about this.  Iria wasn't expecting this either.  These people that double-crossed Dad went way too far in their actions and, at this point, blood is just going to have to be spilled to make sure we’re taken seriously.  There were signs already, but the intel we had was either not reliable enough or it was persuaded otherwise."

Ian continued. "My sister isn't defenseless, however, she's not strong either.  While she has a pretty good head on her shoulders, she'd probably be more apt to try to reason with these people which will just get her killed.  Just like we plan to make examples out of them, it seems they may have that on their agenda for her."  Both men walked in, Declan doucing his cigar out of respect for their presence. "She told us that she was going to start staying in the Lavender Beds, and she was in the middle of packing and getting ready to meet Dad for our weekly family dinner. When she didn't show up, we knew something was wrong."

Ian looked Shida dead in the eyes.  "I've already reached out to some of our crewmates as well as some of Dad's former war colleagues only because we don't know how many are involved yet.  It's perfectly alright if you don't want to involve yourself.  This is our business, we just came as a courtesy because Iria had told us where to find you."  He quieted himself quickly so that the two could respond and not seem overwhelmed.

Declan roared in laughter as he looked to Caolan.  "Lemme tell ya somethin' 'bout my daughter, son.  Iria is probably not givin' 'em anything they wanna know.  She can be a little pistol, and I doubt she'll take too kindly to the idea of being rescued.  So, let's just say that she's probably giving them an earful right now. They'll probably have to gag her at some point."

"Now, where my ex crew is concerned, or, as I like to call them, the walking dead, they shouldn't be too much of a challenge.  It's nothin' but fuckin' useless standarounds until you get to that Xaen fucker that clings to Kren's ass.  Kren is a huge ass Roe who can hold his own pretty well, but he was thinkin' he was gonna steal my business and my weapon plans.  Joke's on him because I don't keep shit where they can get to it.  I think the only reasons they have my daughter are for money and to see what she can spill about weapon plans."

"They do have something for us to worry about with Iria because she knows the mines and bomb plans in and out, front 'n' backwards.  She assembled one for me and it's possible Kren knows that.  They're just tryin' ta get back at me for the fact I had to fire several of 'em for not doin' any work.  Iria was an easy target because she knew most of them.  With approaching, they'll expect guns out and ablazin', so we'll need to be quiet as possible.  Iria was sayin' that they're keepin' her in some keep outta Dragonhead? I wasn't there often enough to really learn the lay of the land, so that part we'll have to rely on you for, lad."

"So I vote quiet approach," Ian offered.  "Surely there's something we can manage without tipping them off.  It looks like they've already tried to attempt to steal ships and supplies, but unfortunately for the thieves, authorities in Limsa were already corralling some of the stragglers and handing them over to the Yellow jackets. I still have friends that serve directly under the admiral's second-in-command, so it wasn't hard for them to work with the intel I provided.  That had to've eliminated like half their numbers, right there."

Ian looked to both Shida and Caolan once more.  "I really appreciate what you're doing for my sister, but can you navigate us through that forest?  I know there are Ixali and some form of draconian creatures running around that forest. Also, as Dad said, that Xaela henchman he has is a beast.  He's bested me and Dad several times so it may take all of us to flank him.  He talks about bein' ex-Horde or some twisted shit like that.  Didn't have much of a problem with authority, but he hits like a crazed buffalo bull and can get really nasty with a blade."

It was all of sudden that Edrian's communicator started buzzing in his ear.  "I-Iria?!  Oh good Gods girl, where the fuck are you?!"  There was enough energy in the crystal that hung around his neck to where there was a good projection of her.

"Ian...can you hear me?"  Iria's hushed whispers seemed to be a little difficult to understand, static interference was present, but for the most part her brother could make out most of what she was saying.  "Yes, Iria, we can hear you.  Are you alright?  They haven't hurt you, have they?"  Iria beamed widely as she could see her father and her brother standing with Shida and Caolan.  "Oh my stars, it's so good to see all of you.  They were stupid enough to not think to make me remove my jewelry.  I'm alright, they're forcing me to build a few mines for them, but the joke's on them as I wired them to detonate as soon as they were to get them on the ship they stole from Dad.  I'm glad you got my letters; I'm sorry to make you all worry. I'm alright for the time being; Kren and Shirao are not being exactly hospitable, but they've minded themselves...for now.  The threat to end my life is there, but don't worry...I'm not worth anything to them dead."

"I love you all so much, I hope to see you soon.  Oh shoot, someone's coming."  Static started to interfere but the Roegadyn's voice was loud and clear. "'Ey you little bitch, who are you talking to up here?"  "I don't know what you're talking about, you overgrown oaf.  Mayhap you should have that head checked since you think kidnapping's alright.  When my father and brother and beau get here they are going to gut you from navel to nose and use your entrails as new hydraulic tubing for their Magitek weapons! No!  DON'T YOU DARE!  YOU LAY ONE HAND ON ME AND I WILL FRY YOUR BRAIN INTO OBLIVION.  D--- touch -- -- - SWEAR TO THE GODS -- NO!" "GIVE ---- THE FUCKIN' DEVICE, YOU LITTLE BITCH, I --- know what ---- FUCK YER DA -- Nicholaides' 's dead and --- gonna break your --- gonna be yer death --- Shirao, show her what we do to people who try to sabotage me."

Ian hollered as his stone lost the image of her as well as her voice.  "Damn it!  Hopefully he didn't see her earring, but I won't hold my breath.  Sounds bad, Dad. "  Ian looked to Caolan, "By your leave, friend."

Declan looked a bit defeated, muttering to himself.  “Don’t worry baby girl, the cavalry’s comin’, now we just gotta go get yer other friends.”

@castleoftherose @rjhet @shida-starspring @ser-sebastian-pavel

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE SIX: “HOW HAVE THESE PEOPLE NOT VOTED ME OUT YET DO THEY KNOW WHO I AM??” - SHARIFA

Well. Olivia was just voted out. NED and MALIK being real sneaky bitches. Though I guess I can’t complain too much considering that OLIVIA and I did try to blindside MALIK. I knew this wasn’t a good idea. I told her it was crazy. And now I’m on the bottom and probably next to go if we lose the immunity challenge. Of all the people to be stuck with now, this is not how I wanted the game to go.

Never has my opinion of someone changed so rapidly as seeing MALIK’s reactions to OLIVIA’s goodbye messages. The only thing I want to do in this game now is make sure MALIK does not win.

CHRIS told me that him, DENNIS and NED voted for OLIVIA. Which means MALIK and ANDREAS voted for me. All five of them need to leave this game ASAP. Tinky Winky for life. Currently trying to work my hardest at getting back in the good graces of CHRIS and DENNIS at the very least. I’m hoping I can work with them and dump MALIK next tribal if we go to it.

I really did like Keegan, and I was feeling guilty about trying to go for Olivia, and then they made it easier by targeting me LMAO so now I’m just whatever with him. Maybe we can talk about it if he comes to me but he got cold towards me since the plan to get me out started, so imma just keep my distance from him. Sucks though, I didn’t think he was a cool guy. But in better news: IM SO HAPPY SHE IS GONE!! She kept coming for me for god knows what. She was supposed to be my ally but kept trying to get me sent home and tried to say no hard feelings..girl no. I also heard from Ned that Jake was curious at Olivia leaving, so I feel like he doesn’t really care for my well being like I thought so at this point I’m starting to look at all of my previous allies sideways because they could all feel this way, mainly sharifa because she confided with me about how Olivia was one of the ones talking about me and olivias been trying to get me out but she wanted her to stay?? I’m sticking to teen titans for now and imma try to feel Kurt out if I ever get back to him because no ones said how he really feels.

Okay so i have grown such an immense bond with Sharifa, that’s obvious, but now jake too. It’s tricky because it’s hard to let someone else into our relationship however Sharifa and I play it in a way where we have jake believe that both of us are closer to him than we are to each other. Ideally he believes that he is a potential final 2 with both Sharifa or myself, if it comes down to that. In reality, as much as I’m growing to love my fellow f@g Jake, Sharifa is my ride our die. Final 3 on the other hand, it’s us 3 villain winners all the way.

So... after tribal Keegan came to me and was kind of salty about the whole thing ... which makes sense considering 2 hours before tribal Olivia called me and she wanted to vote Malik and I went with it and told her how I couldn’t wait to play with her. Obviously all lies but I had to do that. She ate it up which kind of sucked but whatever. Keegan expresses he wants to be a free agent but quite frankly I’d rather he just leave. Him being on this tribe has not helped me at all, he rarely speaks to me and it seems like he isn’t interested in working with me so .... I guess bye ??

Yall how did i not get sandra'd...HOW HAVE THESE PEOPLE NOT VOTED ME OUT YET DO THEY KNOW WHO I AM?????? Basically, Nicklas and friends wanted Kage out BAD and thought they could take the shot because I kept telling them how badly I wanted to vote out Trent. What they don’t know is I still have Trent on my side KNOWING that, because I told him I was getting the target on him SOOOO I could play the idol on him. I’m securing Trents loyalty because I’m dangling a treat over his head AFLKDSA. BASICALLY I BLEW UP HIS GAME TO THE OTHER SIDE AND HE’S SO GRATEFUL TO ME….IM A HORRIBLE PERSON. Who runs the world? Villains. But let’s be clear, Armonia Villians got fucking lucky. Nicklas steered the vote onto Kage because he’s a smart mother fucker truly. I’m hoping I can outwit them through my relationship with Trent and telling him about the idol. I know everyone would be scared to have so many people know about a idol, but i think that’s because most people look at idol’s for self preservation, when I think they’re better served as tools for longevity. Look at Yul, he never had to use his idol at tribal, because he used it to secure loyalty and instil fear, and that’s how I’m going to use this one.

So Olivia got voted out and I was really fearful of that happening...mostly I feel a lot of guilt because I'm partly to blame. I was the one who blew up her game to Ned, because I wanted him to trust me the most in the game, but that was before Olivia and I got close. So Ned’s been on a warpath out for her blood because he’s vengeful as fuck, and I kept placating him because she was becoming a closer ally to me. AND I TOLD HIM THAT. But one thing I’ve learned about Ned, is if he feels you crossed him, he will hunt you down and put your head on a spike for the whole village to see. The second I saw how the swap broke down, I knew the chances of Ned and Malik flipping on Olivia were HIGH, and I think that’s exactly what happened, especially because I know Ned played a game with Andreas before. With Olivia leaving, my game takes a huge hit (AND SO DOES NED’S BUT HE DOESN'T THINK LONG TERM). But my greatest skill in these games is my ability to adapt to whatever situation. So I went on a 2.5 hour call with Sarah and bonded with her...she’s fucking crackdt and I’m actually a stan KLFJA I LOVE HER. I’ll be honest I did it for game reasons, with Olivia voted out I lost a number and I need another one, but what was surprising is I didn’t realize Sarah could be an important person for my game?? She’s crazy don’t get me wrong KLFAD, but she’s very transparent and blunt, and I can use that. I had a gut feeling to tell her about my idol and I did, and she then revealed to me she had the swap idol. We formed an f2 called “The Idol Sisters” and swore each other to secrecy...I then IMMEDIATELY went and told Jake and Kurt adfkajs. I think I’ve done a good job of integrating myself into the Sarah/Matt/Nicklas faction, and I think that’s where I need to invest my energy right now. I know Sarah and Jake are close (closer than either one will admit) so I’m trying to get something set up with Jake/Sarah/Matt/Me. Kurt and I talked about leaving him out of it, so he can pursue something with Lukas. The difference between the games I’ve won, and the games I’ve lost, is knowing all the relevant information in the game. Having the relationships I have is going to give me access to the intel I need to make the moves that are best for MY game, but it’s a *Baylor voice* sticky situation because I’m weaving so many relationships over each other. I’m trying to implement a trust tier system so I can cover my basis; Kurt is at the top and knows everything, then Jake knows everything but my relationship with Kurt, then Trent knows everything but The Cock Destroyers (I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THESE GAYS NAME OUR ALLIANCE THAT GODDDD IM HOMOPHOBIC NOW), and then Sarah, then Nicklas, then Matt and so on and so forth. And I'm securing all these loyalties by owning up to the fact that I'm a villain to people I don’t trust, but in the same breath touting the fact that I'm fiercely loyal, as seen by my final 2's with L'Shei and Jakey in Tonga and Generations. These people should know better than to trust me and I’m going to exploit the fuck out of it because I'M A VILLAIN HELLO. But it means at the merge I’m going to have to be very methodical about how I take people out, because any wire I cut can set the bomb off. This whole premerge has been about storing away the resources I’ll need to run the merge, so when I hit the merge beach...call me the grim reaper cause my scythe is hungry for blood and mother death needs to be fed. 

It's been a while since I've sent one of these and a ton has happened. I am still working super close with the OG Ammonia Villains. We share all idol searches and clues and I think we really do trust each other. When we lost the first immunity after swap it was chaos. I was the target for a long time, until people realized how sketchy Kage was acting. According to Sharifa, I was the target due to being super close with Olivia.  They figured I would flip to her if I got the chance, and wanted to take me out before it was too late. But Kage was being sketchy and throwing out names like crazy and leaking things to everyone, that people realized he was a much more dangerous wild card.  Sharifa is convincing the other villains (not including the OG Ammonia 4) that she does not like me and wants me out soon. This is to make sure they tell her when they are voting me, so we can have a plan. Olivia going actually helped me a ton though. I no longer have a "duo" or anyone i have a connection with so i am no longer dangerous. I can play a Natalie Anderson type game now where I pretend to be with everyone, and then take them out one by one. According to Sharifa again, who is basically my informant when it comes to Matt Summers, who will barely talk with me, he no longer wants me out. And wants to go into merge villain strong. Which I'm fine with for a bit. The good thing about this merge (if it's next) is I don't think I'm going to be a huge target. There are 4 former winners going into merge and i'm working with 3 of them. Which means i'm practically surrounded by shields. I'd be very surprised if anyone comes after little ole me this early on in the merge. Hopefully I can get close to some of these heroes and be like IDK why I'm a villain i dont fit in with these people, and work them socially to trust me. It'll be tough but I think it's possible. 

So I took immunity L pretty badly! I mean I get it was a given that we might lose but its just sucky. I can handle letting myself down but letting other people down is quite upsetting because I don't like to make other people unhappy.

I did tell Keegan everything about the vote so he didnt feel too left out but also so he is less likely to vote me and sure enough today he has a plan to target Dennis/Andreas supposedly. I want gain any traction but yeah. So at least I am safe!

I feel like I’m in a great spot! I have a lot of bridges built and a lot of insight on other people’s relationships. I’ll admit that a lot of these bridges aren’t super sturdy (as a result of my shitty response time to people messaging me), but if there was a vote tonight I think I’d be very well-connected. I’m in an alliance with Matt and Sarah which I totally love! They make me happy. That being said, there isn’t an ounce of me that would want Matt to go far into this game, so that alliance is nothing more than a pleasantry. I used Olivia’s boot (so sad) as a tool to get closer to Sharifa and Kurt. I love Kurt. Sharifa is going to be a major juror, so I want her to like me. As for other people- I see Trent as an outsider. I think he has a few scattered connections here and there but I’ve been throwing his name out a lot so people think I’m open to game talk. Nicklas is either super disconnected or weirdly confident in some secret bonds I don’t know about. Jake seems a little disconnected as well, but I think he could be here for awhile if he plays his cards right. In the event of a merge, I want to play it safe and really pound the same few names over and over to make my game appear one-dimensional (those names being Trent and Malik). I’ll try to stick to the villain tribe lines until they crumble, in which case I think I’ve positioned myself in a way where I won’t be a causality of that collapse. I’m having fun!

You know that feeling of “I’m Doomed” and there’s nothing you can do to change it? Yeah that’s me right now.

Jeopardy queen has entered the chat So we been getting lots of tea thanks to my girl Sharifa... First off I found out from her that Sarah has the idol that was on this tribe.  INCH RESTING. Then at thera ned tells me about the messy vote and tells me that he’s working with andreas and likes Sarah and then it hits me... in my last game with Sarah I was told that andreas is her best friend. So bitch. We keeping an eye out for that. But I think I’m better connected now than I was before... Sarah wants to work w me sharifa and kurt and I think it’s because she knows ned was working with us. I’m also really close with Nicklas but I worry if I disclose too much info to him and it gets out then I’m fucked LOL. But Sharifa wants to work with him too so I hope we can incorporate him in a group because I’m not trying to fuck him over in this game. We love how I already made too many connections and am gonna be a messy bitch. Alsoooo I won an exile safety thing from thera because I’m THAT bitch. let’s hope I keep on popping offff

Immunity STREAK baby. Fuck the heroes they can suck a rock and have fun voting Keegan out. Ned is kind of a crackhead since it looks like he went for Olivia the previous tribal. It’s concerning because it knocks down our original tribe numbers and I just hope they don’t actually send Keegan home. That weakens us entirely going into merge because it is a huge vulnerability for Hydra (Ned, Sharifa, Jake, and myself’s final 4) seeing as people could take advantage of that and begin pagonging us. If anything and ANYONE had to go from my original tribe please god could it be Malik? He’s gotten very clingy and I don’t want to have to deal with a leech anymore.

So I’m growing tighter and tighter with Lukas which is good because I think I genuinely have him believing I’m on the outs and he is my closest ally. I do really love him and will try to keep him in as long as I can, however when its time to cut him he’s got to go. I have a feeling he’d do the exact same thing to me.

Idk man. This is such a weird round. We lost (duh) and keegan is apparently not talking to anyone. So either something is up and I am not involved, or he has an Idol (which he hopefully won't use on me) OR he has given up?? Like what the heck is happening here. I want to believe in Chris and Andreas not turning on me. Ned has given everyone too much info from their side (he also might have their OG idol) and we literally just saved Malik. So.. Idk? stay tuned to see if the 14th curse stays with me, or if I will be able to break it...

I am WERKING to make sure I survive this tribal. DENNIS says he’s open. CHRIS says he’s open. NED is down since we have a thing going on. I’m trying to get ANDREAS involved. Again to hopefully vote out MALIK. Since that seems to be the safest option for the three OG MOLLY tribe members. Please god let this work.

This vote seems very... easy? I think everyone is tossing their votes on Keegan. I think we will some wonky stuff like 4-1-1 because someone will toss their vote on someone incase of an idol... and tbh i think it will be on me because I think people have enjoyed putting my name in their mouth lately. Anyways, Keegan is scrambling and has thrown out everyone's name left and right in order to stay. I am trying to find the fine line between not ignoring him but not leading him on, because that's just cruel TBH.

ANDREAS, DENNIS and CHRIS have all said they’re open and willing to voting MALIK over me. Whether or not they’re lying to me I can’t say for sure. However I do know that I’m putting in a hell of a lot of work to make this all happen. And honestly, I’ve never worked this hard in an ORG to try to flip the votes. I never realized before that it was even possible to go from being the unanimous vote off to possibly saving myself. I’m so glad I worked to make actual bonds with these guys during the swap. If I can pull this off, this might end up being an incredible move.

I am not a hero.

ANDREAS just told me that it’s going to be MALIK voted out tonight and if this is true I’ll actually start sobbing tears of joy. Thank god NICOLE decided to not have a tribal on call.

It's gotten weirdly quiet ... am i about to be blindsided? Stay tuned

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 53 - CAR - Chasing Two

We meet again, Canes of Carolina. Your 53 is our 53 now as we meet for the 53rd game of the season. We already did playoff trash talk for the Canes but I got a feeling there will be more coming down the stretch here. Why do we hate the Hurricanes so much right now? The Skinner stuff is behind us and I suspect his extension will soon be as well. It’s probably the gull of a team as consistently bad as Carolina, perhaps longer than Buffalo has been bad, deciding this is the season to get in our fucking way. Unless one of Pittsburgh, Boston or Montreal hits the skids real hard down the stretch it’s you, me and Columbus for the one wildcard spot left in the East. So fuck you Carolina: this Sabres team has been shit for a solid two months straight but whatever hope I can muster that they still got a chance at the playoffs this year I will sharpen into a fine shiv and run into this cage match with. That hope could have died tonight. For some of you reading this it may have. This game was about chasing two straight wins – two straight wins which would be this club’s first two wins in a row since December. Perhaps they ultimately didn’t get there because they were doing too much chasing so to speak. But what occurred last night was not the performance of a club accepting its fate and tapping out of the playoff race. What happened last night was enough to make the Spartans at Thermopylae proud. Sure, once you explained ice hockey to them and they observed it long enough to understand what being good at it looks like they may have had some thoughts on the Sabres first period and most of their third; but CHIN UP I say to you! Chin up because this Sabres club is not going down without a fight! Honey, we’re going down swinging!  

The Carolina Hurricanes came out shooting like lax southern gun laws to start the first: every puck that a Sabre was not on was scooped up by Hurricane and blown into the zone closest to Linus Ullmark (Thanks Coach, I knew you would make the right goalie decision). The Canes did what any team who watches this Buffalo club knows is the Sabres biggest weakness as of late: turnovers, unforced and not. The team from south of the Mason-Dixon Line capitalized in this brutal stretch when North Carolina’s favorite soft boy Sebastian Aho served up the juiciest pass from behind the net to a streaking Justin Faulk. Ullmark couldn’t get to the other post in time and Faulk buried it. Well beach bodies: up here in New York we got this thing called ice, the game is actually played on it. What followed shortly after the Faulk goal was a penalty on definitely-moonlighting-as-a-vampire Jaccob Slavin which led to a powerplay for the home team that froze Carolina up like a Buffalo Ice Storm. The powerplay was fruitless but the Sabres poured shots on Curtis McElhinney for the rest of the period. Teuvo Teravainen tallied a second goal for Carolina early in the second period. At this point in the night I’m listening to the game on the radio driving up the 190. WGR 550 has these musical interludes as the broadcast returns from break and at this 2-0 dire moment in the second period one of those interludes was a section of “Slide” by Goo Goo Dolls. My throat got real dry and I shed a tear. Is it because I’m an emotional wreck paying attention to the Sabres these days? NO! But a good guess. NO, it’s because I visualized the playoffs like Jack tells us to and I felt it slipping away! But then what happened? Jack’s team came back.

HUT HUT, FIND A HOLE! The McElhinney wall has to come down! FIND A HOLE! Ristolainen from the line: save; puck to Conor Sheary in front: save; puck to Evan Rodriguez who holds and sweeps that puck into the hole like the beautiful Canadian Sniper he is! Now the Canes really froze up like they’d never seen ice before because seven minutes later resident Dad-Bod Jason Pominville collected his own rebound and tapped an equalizer past McElhinney. Tie game you fair weather mother fuckers! Believe it or not it’s hot here for a couple months in each year and you know what I spend that time doing? Oh, not going to the playoffs? You’re funny: you’re a real piece of work for giving more of a shit about NASCAR than the variable 1970s strong man competition of a gun show y’all have for a lineup! Oh, but when hockey players clap a little and slide down the ice into the goal like it’s a slip-and-slide after wins all you guys come running to the arena! I hope y’all don’t make the playoffs just because you’re a bunch of fucking ungrateful slow talkers who like Duke! The game was tied! It was tied going into the third! And then what happened? Well: a relative menagerie of frat-boy-looking Hurricanes capitalized on the Sabres doing Sabres things like turning over the puck and chasing it around like they’re fishing catch-and-release! First it was wrestling team captain and beer-pong champion of the Carolinas Greg McKegg who polished in a loose puck behind Ullmark after being giving ten fucking years to put it in and still bounced it off the post! Then Jeff Skinner had a fucking hulk moment and realized the profundity of the situation he was in and flew off on a breakaway to guide the puck in like a clumsy baby giraffe. Oh no, I know it was art. Please sign soon, Jeff.

Stop those warm feelings for sweet sweet Jeffery because Fergus, Ontario’s High School Quarterback and favorite ginger son Brock McGinn cleaned up a Jordan Martinook rebound right in front of Ullmark to get the visitors ahead 4-3. Do they even have American Football in small town Ontario? Whatever because here comes the President of the punchable face club Nino Niederreiter to capitalize on the powerplay and put the Canes up 5-3 with five minutes left in regulation. Now here is really the moment when I realized this team isn’t going down without a fight: down by two goals (again, which is a concerning problem all its own) this team did not quit. Jeff Skinner emerged from the box beaten but not defeated. But before he gets his time against his former team it’s time for irony to a drop kick you in the balls. Marco Scandella, in a move that will certainly earn him starts for the rest of the season over far more deserving defensemen, gets the puck from Sam Reinhart and shoots low. The puck went in and it was a one goal game now. Irony has a name and it is Marco Scandella. Perhaps it was too late as time now ticked into the double digits in regulation with the Sabres down by one. Guess who you butter-binging, Trump-voting motherfuckers: JEFF MOTHER FUCKING SKINNER! Collect the puck, toe drag, bender: tie Game! It’s like the third act of fucking Miracle beating the team in the red jersey! There was 56 seconds left on the clock! This one goes to OT. And there, well there Teuvo Teravainen streaks into the Sabres defensive zone 2-on-0 and dekes out Ullmark for the game winner. That’s the way the cookie crumbles in this league: one good rush in OT and it’s all over. Carolina wins 6-5.

The Chase for Two straight wins falls flat; but you know what didn’t fall flat? Yea, the Buffalo Sabres. Yeah, they really stunk up most of the third and looked like they were playing hot potato with the puck for most of the first but you know what: that was one hell of a comeback, two if we’re counting game deficits here. Imagine Jeff Skinner pots the OT winner for a hat trick and the Sabres get two points out of this game instead of just one. It’s a whole different conversation then, isn’t it? I’m not rationalizing the many mistakes or playing the what-if game. I’m calling the glass half full and I don’t know about you but I’m not holding my breath tomorrow waiting for Jason Botterill to make a trade as if 95% of the trades he could reasonably make would have any effect on this team down the stretch. We got what we got right now folks and trust me; I am dying for the playoffs too. What happened last night was not nothing and we didn’t get nothing for it either. Carolina, you better watch your back because we’re breathing down it and every game between now and March 16th is going to be an assault on your chances to take that spot from Columbus. The Sabres can certainly get three points out of this weekend’s two matchups and Carolina only has one game in that same stretch so there’s a scenario where we’re sitting here Monday morning and the Sabres are 1 point back of that playoff spot and ahead of Carolina again. Yea, I’m not broken yet and neither should you be. Honey, we’re going down swinging.

Of course everyone in the locker room is going to be disappointed with that result and that emotion is good even if Savior Sam is misdirecting it at Ullmark. Phil Housley was the only postgame interview I was at all embarrassed by. He’s the one misusing players out the wazoo and throwing forward line combinations at Velcro board and seeing what sticks. Put out your best lineup, Phil. This is the team now and I’m not saying it is good enough to make the playoffs having won 9 of its last 28 games but teams not good enough make the playoffs all the time, you can ask New Jersey about that. And I refuse to hop on the locomotive of self-loathing Sabres twitter seems to be on. This game just gave me too much to chew on. Well like, comment and share this blog even if you think I am insane. With this team: sometimes I feel like it. This frickin team! They hurt me over and over and lord knows I’ll still be watching them at my in-laws this weekend. This frickin eternally ass team: Oh the shit I would do for a playoff berth. OH THE SHIT I WOULD DO! Go Sabres! If they make it by one point this game is going to be my masterpiece. Oh god I need them to make the playoffs. Go Sabres! I’m going to repeat it like I’m trying to remember it: Go Sabres! Go Sabres! Don’t go breaking my heart.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Sara Civ is a great follow on twitter. She is one of the better hockey beat reporters out there and if it weren’t for her covering that frickin team I’d probably be mentioning her more.

[sigurdjarlson]

Replies! Woo! super late i know

highpriestessbriyanna said: This is always my reaction. Like “yes. keep talking. Wait.. did you just PUN at me again.. IMA KNIOCK THAT FUCKER OFF A CLIFF” 

IM 99.9% sure someone has knocked khadgar off a cliff before and there’s an 80% chance it was because of a pun

owmyeyeballs said: You ok, friendbeast?

just tired and in a bit of a slump but i’ll be okay. thank you <3

owmyeyeballs said: Know that feel…

my poor girl! hasn’t she been through enough.. (*evil brain sounds*) 

skullkind said: congrats!

Thank you!! It was the shitty demon hunter boots but it’s better than nothin! 

lovesdaryl said: Feel better soon. *hugs*

thank you <3 *hugs*

skullkind said: me with illidan like once a week

same tbh

casterlycosplay said: Very relatable content

i wish i could say its the first time i’ve teared up while thinking about khadgar..but its not

apaladinfailure said: this is the most relatable thing you’ve ever posted

Khadgar..such a tearjerker huheuheuh he cries while he wanks 

anzareveange said: im giving him all my love.

same. i want blizz to let me hug him so bad like PLEASE

skullkind said: hey !! im skull and ive been following you for a while and think youre super chill! i llove ur wow posting ! you dont need to follow back but i would love to chat sometime or stuff ^^ 

hello!!1 :D thank you for following. I’m glad you enjoy them. Feel free to contact me anytime! I’d love to chat

shadowphoenixrider said: Yeah, I remember her sneaking around the Twilight Highlands in Cata.

That sounds like her <3

ship-garbage-pile said: ^^ yeah she’s one of the quest givers order hall

I need to level my rogue..

lovesdaryl said: I might have mentioned this, but we went to ZG before it was patched out and I actually won the tiger and gave it to my husband as a gift. He looks magnificent on it. :-)

this is honestly the sweetest thing ever

anzareveange said: sleeping with the enemy…

Khadgar and Gul’dan have some serious unresolved sexual tension lbr

owmyeyeballs said: I love reading your responses to these. Thanks for putting up with my nonsense! XD

I love answering them <3

a-little-squirrely-sunshine said: My cat is named David Bowie, and depending on how I phrase things I get the best odd looks from my friends.

That’s great like i cna just imagine..DAVID BOWIE WHAT DO YOU  HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH sdkgkdfh

owmyeyeballs said: These two just keep on breaking my heart…

they break mine too ugh. My poor babies

shadowphoenixrider said: I’d vote, but I like quite a few and I don’t think they’d all fit in this text box. I might…steal one idea though.

Steal as many as you’d like and I’d still love to hear which ones you think i should write! 

doitsuki said: yes genn is lower in the hierarchy

he’s..the omega

ghoulghoulneighbor said: But they said no homo while they did it……….

blizzard could make a cinemeatic where khadgar and medivh have explicit sex and they’d still be like.. “no homo tho” 

shadowphoenixrider said: Eggs-llecent idea, Archmage.

BLOCKED

anzareveange said: take all my dollars blizzard! hire him for the movie!

I won’t accept anyone else as old khadgar now. Someone get me into contact with George

owmyeyeballs said: i love them!!!!

My fierce saber queens <3

apaladinfailure said: omg that it so sweet im crying

i cried a lil while writing it so don’t feel bad hehheh

owmyeyeballs said: Oh dear lord, that was adorable and sad… someone protect these sweethearts!

protect Khadgar and Jaina 2k17

shadowphoenixrider said: Ow my heart! If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just lie down…right here…

i had to do the same after writing it tbh

owmyeyeballs said: Sweet, precious babies!

i just want to hold them both

shadowphoenixrider said: *chinhands* These are lovely, you know.

thank you so much!! 

shadowphoenixrider said: I’m not quite sure my heart should be hurting this much in the morning, but it is! 

Hohoho there’s a lot more where that came from!

ghoulghoulneighbor said: How dare u. This is some 10/10 pain, would cry again.

Same tbh. I made their parents and I was like shit..i love them  

ghoulghoulneighbor said: I knew Illidan was the daddy kink type, I just knew it

YOU ARE NOT PREPARED...FOR ILLIDADDY’S DICK

ghoulghoulneighbor said: what have I started.

*points at medivh* Medaddy.

*points at Gul’dan* Gul’daddy

anzareveange said: Many races dont have orphans or child models. i want to see a tauren child, or a dwarf or a gnome child.

there are nightborne children models so blizz really doesn’t have an excuse anymore. I want children models for all the races, blizz. Give me this now

shadowphoenixrider said: I’d like to inform you that Khadgar is introduced in the book Tides of Darkness with a youngster in one arm and holding the hand of another. We don’t call him Dadgar for nothing! ^^

OH NO!!! This is so sweet I really need to read Tides of Darkness...and Beyond the Dark Portal

anzareveange said: “Put that thing back where it came from” no, it can be really painfull, also the mother is dead, so no.

maybe illidan doesn’t know where babies come from 

ghoulghoulneighbor said: you’d think his hunters would be expecting this kind of thing by now tho

very true. new recruits learn very quickly not to stand behind Illidaddy. He’s very dramatic and very passionate. when he gets excited he can’t control his wings

shadowphoenixrider said: I’d like to add that if you put a pet bed down, it’ll attempt to ‘sit’ in it. Reduced my bf to wheezing laughter when he saw it.

FDHDfhd I KNOW ISN’T IT GREAT. You make him jump through the flaming hoop too. 

It catches on fire sometimes and runs away...oops 

shalar0s said: I’m dying over the “well that’s new.” Oh my god I can’t breathe.

nothing surprises Moroes anymore. Nothing. 

unidentified-starman said: see, kids? this is what happens when you party (& clean up the library) too much

Ben!Khadgar? Before Medivh.

Game!Khadgar? After Medivh.

Medivh is a helluva drug

spicymulligan said: Boy howdy ur gonna LOVE Glee then

this is the worst thing you’ve ever said to me

ghoulghoulneighbor said: The ONLY way to treat your giant fuzzy murdercat

she loves her giant fuzzy murdercats <33

owmyeyeballs said: I want to hug Dilly too!

She needs a hug tbh

apaladinfailure said: this is entirely possible with genn greymane

SOMEONE DREW THAT!! I don’t know where it is but it was his wife riding on his back into battle

derp-mage said: It would have been glorious and now I’m mad he didn’t go full on worgen run

blizzard let us ride Malfurion in his regular form

WAIT NO

owmyeyeballs said: KHADGAR DO NOT FUCK THE SKULL

too late. he hurt himself rip

unidentified-starman said: it’ll look even more ridiculous when he appears in the warcraft movie sequel or smth (i hope it gets made sometime). he’ll probably be at least half cgi (or a man flapping his arms in a motion capture suit). look at cgi malfurion go

I am excited and dreading the day they add Malfurion to the films. Because he’s either going to look awesome or fuckin terribly hilarious (more likely tbh) and I can’t wait. (SHIT...motion capture behind the scene shit is so great) 

shadowphoenixrider said: pffft that second one. AFAIK Khadgar asplodes everyone in Kilrogg’s vision, but I don’t think it’s Mythic difficulty? Could be wrong.

hmm i just did the Kilrogg fight on mythic on both Diily and Alaluria and didn’t get any visions. Is there something I have to do to trigger it? (i will cry)

ghoulghoulneighbor said: Your tag said wing burrito and I thought of a burrito stuffed with chicken wings, with the horns and blindfold. …I’ll see myself out.

*muffled sobbing from the bathroom* I was not prepared for these burritos..

shadowphoenixrider said: Don’t apologise, I love hearing these.

you’re an angel. thank you <3

carlyrosk said: That’s how I am too oh my god. That cinematic crushed both me and my Deathlord! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on Genn! He’s been through SO much, and he’s just snapped with Varian’s death.

Genn’s reaction to Varian’s death in the cinematic kills me every time. Genn kills me. My poor old wolf man </3

[holdingthewind]

20/03/2020

I always wanted to start a journal, but due to my lack of time, energy, and interest to start and continue this, it delayed this endeavor. But who would ever guess that it would take a pandemic and 5 days being quarantined in my house to bring my lazy ass to actually CONSIDER writing a journal. It will be taxing, I know, and I probably won’t be able to update it regularly, but hey- it’s a start. Plus, I’m pretty sure that as soon as my first year in college starts, I will be flooded with school shit and eventually forget that I ever did this. But let’s save that discussion when we get there.  Anyway, not much has happened today, except me waking up at 11 am as per usual, and finally helping out my parents fix some stuff in the garden. We carried 4?5? sacks of rocks and fuck, I would never do that again, hopefully. My back still aches just thinking of it eurgh... But the virus is still keen on sticking around, especially in my country. The government is as stupid as they’ll ever be. God, I hate them so much, every word that they utter is better off being a random thought in the early hours. But alas, the government of my country are a bunch of petty fuckers who are really proving that they don’t deserve shit. I really hope this will be a wake up call for all us, to vote for ACTUAL leaders next time. Though, can’t fully blame the people, they were tricked, or rather brainwashed, during campaigning so... partly their fault. On a more personal side, I met someone who I really click with. So far, it’s been really nice talking to him, really refreshing to be frank. We like the same things, and so far we haven’t found anything that we disliked with one another. I never felt this comfortable with a person that I met through the apps, truly. And I have a feeling this will actually be different and lead to something? Not like the others, I hope so. But I’m wary with each step I take, after last time, I can’t be that gullible to the bare minimum. Hopefully this pandemic will somehow calm down, and we actually get to meet, or go on one of the many dates we mentioned. That’s all for now, I guess. Til’ the next moment of clarity.     

[survivorwakea]

Episode 9: “Anabel back on her crackhead bullshit.” -Asya

Justin going out after getting a self-vote. Don't trust anyone, not even yourself.

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ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL. ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL. ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL.

Me, Ben, Elmo and Zack were on a call and we all did an idol search and ZACK FOUND IT AND I SCREAMED AND ITS 3AM BUT I DONT CARE ZACK HAS A MOTHERFUCKING IDOL.

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Oh sweet fucking jesus.

So I get off call with Elmo, Ben and Zack and Zack is like hieee can we call? and im like okay? I have absolutely no idea what to expect at all. He's like I have something to tell u, at this point I'm like fuck this sounds like bad bad news or good news but idk if im mentally stable enough to handle either. He tells me he has the fucking premerge idol and that he got it on his first run. I'm sat there basically starting to cry like oh my god zack I cannot believe this right now. and he's like no there's more. My stomach fucking drops. He tells me Elmo knows as well. I'm like ok sis what the fuck. He had to tell Elmo because it was his first go and him and Elmo were sharing guesses. Okay I guess I understand. But he also said something like Elmo said not to tell me. Which really does have me thinking. I thought me and Elmo had a lot more open communication now, and the fact he didn't want to tell me something like this is a reason as to why I have been hesitant to talk game with him. But according to Zack he also said he doesn't think I would leak so maybe he was just thinking about not wanting too many people to know. I need to have a chat with Elmo tomorrow so we can clear some stuff up so I can know better where I stand, or just have Elmo lie to my face which I end up finding out later down the line when he inevitably tries to vote me out again. But oh how ironic it would be if I could convince Zack to use the idol on me to get Elmo out. Please note ~ I don't dislike Elmo, in fact I adore him. I just see me and him as very similar players and therefore I feel he would be one of my main competitions especially as this game gets further on. I just have a lot of feelings and a lot of things to discuss right now

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I've had so much to think about the last couple hours my mind is spinning. Justin voted out because of his own dumbass move to tell Johnny about his self-vote, like that's not a death wish waiting to happen. Hell I would've been on board with voting Justin had I known. He was a clear threat but I was planning on waiting 1 more tribal before trying to get him out. I was lied to by a lot of people, maybe 2 tribals in a row now which leaves me shaking and scrambling. Where the fuck do I stand with any of these people? Zack who I adore with all my heart where do I stand with you baby? I know you said you would use your idols on me and help get us both to the final. But I am scared, I am so so scared you could be lying to me. You said it yourself earlier you are so used to lying to people in this game that if someone asked if your name was Zack, you'd tell them it wasn't. I think it would hurt me more if you told me about your premerge idol and said you'd get us both to the end and then voted me out more than if you never told me anything at all. Did you tell me this because you're worried about your position or because you genuinely meant it? Remember I could be on the jury. Asya, my sweetness in this game. We didn't talk for a full day after Joey got voted out. It was only when I decided to own up to the fact I wrote her name down tonight that we opened a discussion and I feel we cleared the air a bit, both of us felt we had no choice when writing down each other's names. I hope things improve between us and we can work together again, however you have appeared to be inactive which kind of scares me. Johnny having kept the vote of Justin from me after I told him I felt I wasn't being listened to with the people I was aligned with has kinda rubbed me the wrong way since I very heavily hinted I wanted Justin out, but you can't be sayin those kinda things to people you're aligned with cause they could so easily turn on you. Although I had mentioned it to Zack and I think Zack would've been down as well so that was my plan for a couple tribals ahead. Do you really want to work with me or has this all been lies? Ben I do not trust as far as I can throw him right now. After Zack gets the idol he conveniently says he forgot to mention that he landed on one of the bonus spots on the way to the idol and got an extra vote. Okay bitch boy how the fuck does that just accidentally slip your mind? Do not trust one bit right now, once he realises he's on the bottom he's definitely gonna flee like fuck. Has a soothing voice though, I enjoy being on call. He's kinda funny, even if he does make Zack mad by the fact he's getting comfortable with us and calling us bitches. Bodhi is just a lying fucker and I want him out ASAP, he should've been the person we got out or at least tried to instead of Asya but whatever, there's always next time. Lily I have no idea what the fuck is going on in her head right now, she messaged me with some half hearted apology and then wants to create a group of people to work together but when I asked who she wanted to involve she has just ignored me, whatever your time will be up soon enough unless I try to drag u to the end with me so I have a goat since I haven't seen u do much other than win like 1 immunity challenge. Jared I wanna work with but idk how much trust is there, plus he's a strong player and I feel could do well so I want him out kinda soon oopsie. But who knows, if we start working together maybe it's something that could work out for us. Sometimes competition is good. Anabel a cutie but also a massive liability, never know what's going on with her and where she truly stands with anyone. I wish she would just be properly up front with me about who she's close with. Wish she spoke more game to me than she actually does. Elmo I've already wrote down a lot about how I feel about you but ya I love u so much I just think you're such a threat to me and there could be a vote where if it's not you that goes home it will be me. Also where the fuck do I stand with you? Are you being open with me? It'd crush me if you weren't I've been trying this game with you I really have. This is long and turned into something I didn't expect it to be and its like 5am so I need sleep. So much has gone on and I've so much to think about I don't even know where to turn right now.

i manifested that, right.. like.. i literally JUST said in my last confessional how me and chloe eventually wanted justin out and then it happened.. now, it didn't go how i would have wanted it to go, but it still went.. would i have loved to be part of that plan? duh. but i think justin leaving might be a blessing in disguise. or a huge curse. i guess we'll have to wait and see. all i have to say is this.. justin did that to his damn self. how stupid of him to tell johnny about the alliance we're in and the fact that he has a vote against him that round.. like WHAT is wrong with him.. all he had to do was keep his mouth shut and he would have been here kJGDSKS... and the fact that he literally told johnny EVERYTHING like what the fuck is wrong with you justin.. so stupid on your part and im so fucking pissed bc it fucks with my game. now.. some bigger news.. i found the merge idol?? KLHDFKLJSDKFGJL.... now i have two fucking idol. i can't believe IT. manifestation really does work. so ben, elmo and chloe all know about the merge idol because we all been helping each other find it.. and i told chloe i have the pre merge idol today. i told her elmo knows and that elmo didn't want me to tell her. i'm doing what i have to do in order to secure me spots more weeks into this game. but now this round is a speed round and i work 12-7 tomorrow so i'm gonna get no social game in really... this sucks and i just have to pray and hope they don't target me this round because i don't wanna have to use any idols yet. i really just wish this round wasn't sped up because it's really fucking with me and i hate the fact

________________________________________________________________

sorry i pressed enter before.. i hate the fact that i know i'm not gonna really be able to talk to people this round bc of work so i have to trust my allies will do everything correctly.. unlike how justin did anything he did.

Zack found the idol and I told our alliance about the extra vote. I am ride or die with Anabel's Angels at this point

Ignore everything I said in that last confessional. I don’t know what I’m doing. Getting Justin out was essential to moving those who I know I can trust to work with further in the game. Finally in an alliance with Jared and Johnny. I feel really solid about that. I’m continuing to not tell Elmo anything but still wanting to work with him so that’s a mood. But it sounds like my alliance along with Bodhi asya and anabel should be able to come together again and vote. But let’s find out cause I sure don’t know. Also Justin danggggg you were really coming out the gate. We gotcha but really respect how you make moves.

wow,,, speed round,,, crazy stuff miss aj,,, lol im so stressed ab this i literally dont know what im doing. jared wants to vote out ben and honestly i kinda do too, and i would w/o hesitation if it wasnt for zack elmo and chloe. i told them my voting justin out and lying to them was a one time thing and i like desperately wanna hold true to that, but jared brings up some INCREDIBLE points. i wanna tell them i wanna vote ben but ik they wouldnt react very well.. i just feel like voting him is best for my game bc like hes potentially the person whos playing the very best and im terrified of that bc i wanna win!!!! not him!!!!! it is just. hard. ill get back to u later prolly thank u for listening :)

so..... i lived

my heart was literally POUNDING during that tribal like i was fully prepared to drag anabel and johnny out behind me by their noses but ! i stayed ! sucks it had to be me or justin but according to chloe he may or may not have REALLY hardcore been pushing for me to go so.... the superior hawks stan won ig

oh yeah i talked to chloe. i’ve been putting it off but she messaged me and it wasn’t as bad as i thought bc as far as i’m concerned we’re even now. i want to really try to be a good ally to her. i know i have my alliance of 5 (6? are we counting lily in the alliance? she’s not physically in the chat but she’s been more of an ally to me than anabel so,) but i’m not stupid enough to think that those are gonna be the last people standing at the end. there’s always room for error. so i’m gonna do my best to work on my individual connections this round. it’s rough when these people literally just tried to send me home but we try anyways.

now. today’s issue. i literally want anabel gone So Bad. but johnny. he thinks that he has her on lock but like. if that was the case then the joey thing wouldn’t have happened (or maybe it wouldn’t have happened if the dumbass men listened to opinions other than their own but w/e). like she’s playing the game and doing it well. we’ve had two merge votes, both split down the middle almost. anabel is the ONLY person to vote on the right side both times. that doesn’t work for me. i don’t think she’s like actively targeting me because as far as i know, the facebook people kept justin’s self vote a secret from her? which means she might not have known we had the majority anyways 6-5 and she just voted him because she didn’t want me to go. and that’s all well and good, but i definitely see her being a problem for me in the later game. so. something to think about

Trust List 3.0:

1. Asya 2. Bodhi 3. Lily 4. Johnny 5. Chloe 6. Elmo 7. Zack 8. Anabel 9. Ben

anabel back on her crackhead bullshit. all i’ve said is that i won’t vote chloe because i gave my word and now suddenly she wants to vote chloe because johnny doesn’t want zack to go for some reason and his ass was out all day so basically he comes home two hours before the vote and starts changing shit up. i’m LIVID

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week-8/s-SjYaD

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Ben is voted out in a 5-4-2 vote. He becomes the third member of our jury.