#I hope this isn’t too rambly 0-0

[addisonnie]

hinge and uhaul

summary: college!au. when all else fails…one must look for love on hinge!

an: hi! back from hiatus and of course it would be for a clump of pixels because i am down astronomically bad! this is the first part of a possible series! so let me know if a part 2 is warranted.

warnings: cursing, reader has 0 rizz shes literally a mess, reader also rambles and lots of this is just her inner dialogue because why not. also not very edited and possible tense shifts because im the worst!

part 2 ———————————

Tinder is a soul-sucking vortex. 

A nightmarish flurry of shirtless mirror selfies, conservatives, and men that look like they’d hit on your mom after walking you to the door. Switching your profile settings from ‘men’ to ‘everyone’ seemed like the best option; It wasn’t. The best option would’ve been to delete your account and light your phone on fire after receiving the fourth “you send?” message in a row.

Hinge is a smaller soul-sucking vortex. At least you can deny their comments before you embarrass yourself by matching with a douche like that. Your account is set to ‘show me everyone’ and you can only hope that ‘everyone’ includes at least some good ones. Swiping and clicking on dating apps seems to be more of a game than it is actual match-making, a time-passer of sorts. 

Your roommate, Dina, huffs loudly from her lofted bed across the room, “would you get your sorry ass off of that app? It’s sad listening to you moan and groan about all the losers!”

You roll your eyes, “my soulmate could be the next person!”

No. No. No, again. Oooh…yes? 

You swipe through the girl’s page before deciding not to match with her, because who’s Hinge bio states that they’re still in love with their ex? Dina cheers while you huff and slam your phone onto your desk, spinning idly in your chair. The television on top of Dina’s purple mini fridge is playing a random episode of Bob’s Burgers and, for a moment, you forget about your ever-growing dating app addiction.

It’s not that you’re addicted per say. You just spend most of your downtime sitting in your bed and judging people’s profiles, when yours surely isn’t up to par either. Hey, at least you don’t have a picture of you holding a fish.

The rhythmic buzz of your phone quickly draws your eyes away from the cartoon on screen, your hand dramatically reaching for your phone.

Hinge: Ellie liked you! Tap to see the comment she left.

Ellie. That’s a cute name…fairly normal too! Surely she didn’t leave some weirdo comment about how your hair looks like it smells good. Your fingers fumble to tap on the notification and you feel a blush rising to your cheeks as you click on Ellie’s like.

She left her comment under a picture of you taken at a local museum. A big cheesy grin is painted across your face and there’s skeletal remains of some random dinosaur behind you, Dina is crouched under the jaw of the creature pretending to scream while she gets eaten. Hopefully this isn’t one of those situations where Ellie asks ‘if your friend is single.’

Nope. She left a simple comment. I love dinosaurs!!!

You smile as you quickly click on Ellie’s profile to see her. There are a couple pictures of her, and good god is she hot. Flushed, you quickly match with her.

But what do you say? This is life or death. You need this woman. 

Hey!

You’re hot

Do you want to have vicious lesbian sex with me?

Okay. Jesus, you are not good at this. While you mull over the keyboard attempting to decide what to say to the ever-attractive Ellie, another message comes in.

Hey, pretty girl!

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Your fingers are fumbling over the keyboard, your heart is beating, you’re planning you and Ellie’s wedding. You wonder if she likes lace or prefers the classic look?

Hey! What’s up?

Nothing really. Just playing some guitar!

Guitar? She just gets hotter. Did she also save puppies from a burning building? You wonder if she would want roses at the wedding. Hopefully not, too basic.

Ooooh guitar you say? Whatcha playing?

It’s a few moments before she responds and you’re biting the nail on your thumb awaiting her reply.

Whatever your favorite song is.

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you smile and rest your head in your hand. 

Why don’t I tell you that over dinner?

It takes Ellie a few minutes to respond this time and you’re sure you’ve managed to scare her off at the mention of an actual date. Her reply comes just as you go to turn your phone off,

How about you give me your number and we can talk more about this date?

————

Giving your number to Ellie was perhaps the best decision made in your life thus far. She constantly sends text messages of whatever she’s doing, wearing, eating, or strumming on her guitar. It’s been about a week since you first exchanged information and you’re slightly worried that Ellie no longer wishes to go out on a date. You’ve tried to ‘accidentally’ bump into her on campus multiple times, but she manages to just barely slip away each time. 

You’re sitting at your desk attempting to finish an essay when your phone rings in your lap. Ellie’s contact appears lit up on the screen and you just about scream when you grasp the phone between your fingers.

“Hello?” You’re already blushing.

“Hey, you! What’re you up to?” Ellie’s voice is loud into the microphone and you can make out multiple different voices on her end of the line.

“Nothing important,” you close your computer quickly, “why, what’s up?”

She takes a moment to answer as you hear her yell something to whoever else is in the room with her, “me and some friends are at a bar…will you come? Live music and stuff. Plus, I still haven’t taken you on that date!”

“Yes!” Okay, you probably should’ve tried to sound less excited. “Ehem…yes. Text me the address?”

You hear Ellie laugh before she happily responds, “will do! Text me when you get here and I’ll come out front to meet you.”

—————

Dina and her friends surely shop at Hookers R Us because where else would anybody find a skirt so goddamn short. 

“D. Dina. My cheeks are hanging out the bottom.” Dina rolls her eyes and tugs on the hem of the mini denim skirt.

“Well if you wore it down here,” she tugs the denim again, “instead of up to your tits like a grandma would…maybe it would be longer.”

Several shirts are thrown toward your perch on Dina’s desk chair, “what’s wrong with the shirt I have on?”

Dina’s boyfriend. Jesse, interjects, “because I don’t like it.”

“Okay, fashion police. How about this one?” You hold up a form fitting black top and Dina nods vigorously, “yes. But no bra. Show off them ladies!”

————

The Uber barely comes to a full stop as you clamber out of the backseat. Grasping for your phone, you text Ellie.

Here! :)

Was the smiley face overkill? Too much?

Cominh!!!!!

*Coming. Not drunk, I swear.

You think you’re the one doing the coming as you watch Ellie stroll towards you in the parking lot. If she was hot on Hinge, she’s ten-thousand times hotter in the dingy lighting that casts a magical glow upon her. She’s wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a white wife-beater, an old worn out flannel is unbuttoned over the top and rolled up just above her elbows. Her raggedy jeans are cuffed to the top of her converse and— wow is she a walking wet dream.

“Hey! I’m glad you came.” She doesn’t wait for an answer as she pulls you straight in for a hug, her calloused hands resting on your hips. You feel her finger tips touching the uncovered skin below your top, the contact makes you shiver.

Ellie squeezes you a little tighter before pulling away, leaving her arm draped over your shoulder, “c’mon, warmer inside.”

You let her lead you into the bar and through the slight crowd congregated near the entrance. A small group of people stand huddled next to the bar and Ellie leads you straight to them as she leans down to speak in your ear, “those are my friends.”

You nod and shamelessly nudge your body to be tucked further into her side, blushing profusely when you feel her arm tighten around your shoulders.

“Guys, this is the girl I was telling you about! And these are my friends I mentioned on the phone.” Ellie smiles while she introduces you to everyone and as much as you enjoy the domesticity of hanging out with her friends, you much prefer the nook you’ve found nestled under Ellie’s toned arm.

———

Her face leans down by your ear again, “wanna drink? I’ll get you one.”

You smile up at her, “would you shoot me if I said I want an espresso martini instead of the beer you’ve been nursing all night?”

She giggles into your ear and her breath fans across your face, “one espresso martini, coming up!” 

She pulls away and salutes you before turning around and marching to the other end of the bar, waving her arm to grab the bartender’s attention.

“So you’re the lucky lady? I’m Abby, Ellie’s friend.” Damn, she is buff as hell. Her toned arm stretches across a barstool to shake your hand.

You stare at her open palm, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. Who still shakes hands? I’m done drinking for the night.”

She cracks a smile when you laugh and shake her hand anyways, “nothing wrong with a good ol’ handshake.”

You speak with Abby while you wait for Ellie to return with your martini. She’s leaning up against the wood and speaking to the bartender as he pours the concoction into a glass. How she manages to look so appealing at all times is an enigma. Her short hair is pulled half-up into a bun while the rest barely skims the top of her shoulders, the botanical tattoo on her forearm sticks out from under her rolled-up sleeve and—fuck. You’re drooling.

Double-fuck. She caught you staring.

You blush when she throws a wink your way, turning back toward the bar to grab your drink. 

And then she’s in front of you once more, “malady.”

She slides in between your legs while you sit atop the cushioned barstool (which you’re pretty sure makes a fart noise any time you move) and rests both of her hands on your hips.

Lifting the drink to your mouth, you hum happily when the flavor covers your tongue, “good?”

“Really good. Superb.” Ellie chuckles and leans in toward you, placing a kiss in the hollow of your collarbone, “c’mon, there’s some more people I want you to meet.”

————

You’re not exactly sure how you ended up in this position but good god do you wish you could die right here and right now. Ellie is leaning up against the poster-covered wall of the bar with you pulled tightly to her chest. Your back is pressed against her front and one of her arms is wrapped around you, long fingers splayed across your lower stomach. She’s talking animatedly to the guy standing in front of you two and in all honestly you can’t focus on what they’re talking about while you feel the tips of Ellie’s fingers rest upon the skin under your skirt. 

It’s innocent. She doesn’t realize her fingers have traveled just south of the top of your skirt, but you’d be lying if you said the feeling of her calloused fingertips below the belt didn’t make you squirm. Her auburn hair tickles the side of your face as your head rests back in the crook between her neck and shoulder. And even better—her cheek presses to the top of your head when there’s a lull in her current conversation.

Hearing the man she was speaking to bid his goodbyes, you turn in her arms. The one that was previously grasping a beer bottle quickly swaps to rest in the back pocket of your skirt instead, her other hand squeezes your hip.

“Hi.” She smiles at you.

“Hi.” You press a kiss to her cheek.

The feeling leaves Ellie warm and she squeezes you a few times before ultimately deciding to cut to the chase and lean in. It’s a sweet peck, a little tipsy kiss that leaves you buzzing and floating outside of your body. The bright, crooked smile she gives you after pulling away punches the air from your lungs and Jesus Christ— now you understand the U-Haul lesbians because in this moment you are well and truly fucked. If this woman, this stranger, asked you to pack your shit and move in, you would.

And the look she gives you as she brushes a stray piece of hair behind your ear tells you she might just feel the same.

[hyuckbeam]

hit or miss

you’re given a bet by your own best friend to finally earn you some kissing experience at the ripe age of 18, but what if he’s the one you’ve been wanting to kiss all along?

pairing | bff!haechan x reader

genre | fluff, just a bit of angst

warnings | y/n uses she/her pronouns, both y/n and hyuck are dumdums! kind of slow burn, curse words are explicitly mentioned, cousin!winter, i think that’s all but lmk if i missed anything!

wc | 4.3k words

note | this is pretty inspired by the webtoon “the kiss bet” because i currently have a hyper fixation on it and i absolutely love all the characters ;0; this is also way longer than intended but anyways,, i hope u enjoy! all rbs and likes are appreciated, thank you <3

D-15.

“in three, two, one, happy birthday, y/n!” your best friend, haechan announces aloud for everyone in your apartment complex to hear at 12 in the morning.

“come on! make a wish before the candles blow out!” winter, your cousin, urges you with a big smile on her face.

having just finished your night time routine and prepared yourself for a night's worth of sleep, you were rather shocked to see them with one of those trendy bento cakes and rainbow colored party hats adorning their heads.

despite your confusion, you walk up towards them with a grateful smile resting upon your lips. “seriously, when did you guys plan this?”

“oh, it was all my- ow, hey!” haechan gets cut off midway through his statement because of a nudge from winter’s elbow.

“what he was trying to say was it was all my doing. you’re welcome bubs!” your cousin beams, eyes creasing into crescents. “though i’d wish you’d hurry up. this cake isn’t holding itself up for you, y’know?” she adds on rather playfully but you can tell she truly meant it.

gathering a deep breath, you blow out the candles and cheers erupt from the people you deem closest to you. winter then sets down the cake on your coffee table in relief as your best friend slings his arm over your shoulder.

“sooo y/n, got anything planned for the year? a small resolution or something like that, i don’t know.” he rambles off, suggesting the idea of having a goal to work towards now that you were deemed an adult (though, haechan kept referring to this as the year that marks your jail-ability era).

you feel a little tingly from his touch, even when you know the two of you are just friends and nothing more. what you’re feeling is probably just a phase. it’ll go away.

“i’m not really sure, got any ideas for me?” you ask the two instead, eyeing them both in a back and forth motion.

“we can always work on that dating experience of yours- last i remember, it was up to the high number count of… zero.” your cousin chips in from the side as she slices the cake for the three of you to share, her tone sarcastic while she teases you.

it’s true, you didn’t have a lot (re: any) of experience in the dating sector, but perhaps that could change starting this year. “that… might not be such a bad idea.”

haechan’s interest seems to have been piqued — he’s making that look. that specific expression where the corners of his lips turn upwards, a brow raised, and that glint in his eye. oh, you know it all too well.

“come on.” you urge the boy. “start sharing your idea. i can practically see your mind ready to explode.”

“well, since you’ve asked me ever so kindly. how ‘bout a bet?” he starts, taking a few steps towards you with that cocky expression of his. “i bet you 10 dollars to kiss someone in two months. not that hard, right?”

“what- you want me to kiss some random person for 10 bucks?” you gawk out in surprise.

he only shakes his head, “i never said it needed to be a stranger. just, someone in general.”

you processed the idea thoroughly, running all sorts of possible scenarios in your head. wouldn’t it be much easier to kiss… haechan himself? that just seemed like the most plausible approach for you.

he wasn't a stranger — the furthest from one. you were comfortable with him. the kiss didn’t have to mean anything (though it might mean a tiny bit more to you), and in addition, you’d be making some cash.

everything seemed to check out. the only problem was that you had to ask him to kiss you. still, surely this was better than any other alternative, right?

“i’ll do it but… can’t i just kiss you and get it over with?” you finally voice out your thoughts, pretending to make your question sound playful in case the request backfires on you.

“you’re my best friend, that’s a little odd, don’t you think so?” haechan replies in the same tone, lightly ruffling your hair before going over to retrieve a slice of cake from winter.

ouch. way to have your first bit of “dating experience” be your best friend… friend zoning you. what a lovely start to your 18th birthday.

D-13.

a few days had passed since the bet you made with haechan had been established, but not one ounce of progress had been made.

to be fair, how were you supposed to kiss someone else when all you’ve ever wanted was for that kiss to be with your best friend? that’s tough luck.

you attending classes today doesn’t really help with your thoughts either, especially when both haechan and winter had been asking about said progress one after the other.

you’d be lying if they weren’t starting to give you a headache.

as if on cue, winter approaches you, some lecture books in hand and her bag slung on her shoulder. “y/n! how’s your progress?” here we go again.

“just as i told you yesterday, nothing yet.” you reply with a small sigh.

winter senses the frustration behind your words, encouraging her to suggest ideas to help you. “how about finding someone you like? it might make it easier for you know… to kiss them.”

“i don’t think that’s still a good- actually, you might just be onto something, minjeong.” your gears start to churn in your mind. in order to wash haechan off your mind, you might as well find someone else and maybe get an actual relationship out of it.

the idea was just perfect for you.

“have i ever told you how much i love you? i gotta go but i’ll see you after class, winter!” you excitedly bid her a goodbye, rushing to your classroom so you could better plan out your new gameplan.

though the most ideal situation was long gone, you now had a back up plan and you weren’t going to back down so easily from the bet.

you were now busily scribbling on your notepad, forgetting that a new student was to transfer into your class today. the teacher calls upon your attention and as you look up, your eyes land on a boy with great resemblance to a cute bunny.

apparently he’s the new transfer student.

the teacher gives him a moment to introduce himself. “hello everyone, my name is na jaemin. i hope we all get along!” so that’s his name, you thought to yourself.

surprisingly, he was told to take the seat in front of yours, offering you a small smile and a curt wave, one that you gladly return, before he takes his seat.

actually, maybe you really could forget haechan for just a teensy bit.

D-6.

a week goes by without haechan seeing you once. an entire week. was he always this eager to see you? to bask in the warm sight that is you? he thinks he must be going crazy.

the only time he ever gets updates about you is through winter which aren’t much to go on. he does remember a key detail she mentioned previously about how you’ve been spending time with that new student, jaemin.

what was so special about him anyways? well, he was surely going to find out soon.

as the bell rings to signal the start of recess, he dashes out of his classroom, taking big steps towards yours.

there, haechan finds you in his seat and he’s about to approach you until he sees you’re in the middle of a conversation with the one and only, na jaemin.

“this is how you do this, right?” jaemin asks you, directing your sight to a piece of paper that has a bunch of math formulas written on it.

“yeah! i’m surprised you got that rather quickly.” you compliment the boy in front of you with a small laugh.

your thoughts on jaemin have changed drastically since the first time you met him. he’s a sweet boy, someone you could never take advantage of. it just felt wrong to you so you just dropped your entire plan as a whole.

it was alright to lose the bet. at least you kind of made a new friend out of it, right? you smile to yourself at that thought.

to haechan, however, your smile is so bright in jaemin’s presence, it’s practically blinding everyone in sight. have you ever smiled at him like that? wait- why does that matter?

he doesn’t like you, no way.

you’re best friends, yeah. his love for you is as platonic as can be — at least that’s what he tells himself.

for someone as bold as haechan, he can’t seem to find the confidence in him to walk towards your table and steal your attention. instead, he steps out of the classroom, unnoticed by you.

D-5.

“JAEMIN DID WHAT!?” haechan yells into his phone, winter being on the receiving end of the call.

the girl tuts, “scream one more time and i’m hanging up on you. and yes, i heard he confessed to y/n. i don’t think she gave him an answer though.”

“sorry, look, i was just really surprised.” a deep sigh comes out from haechan before the call goes silent. he takes the time to process the situation, but the idea of you and jaemin being together just rubs him off the wrong way.

“doesn’t she see how bad he is for her?” he finally reasons out.

“uhuh, in what sense exactly?” winter retorts.

“he’s probably just using her to gain attention or something! can’t i look out for my own best friend?” the response is laughable, even to haechan, but he goes along with it.

winter laughs into the call, “are you even hearing yourself? that’s pretty baseless, even for you haechan.” she replies shortly afterwards. “seems to me like you’re jealous.”

“are you hearing yourself, winter? no i’m not! get your head screwed on properly!” haechan answers back in the same incredulous manner as she did to him just a few seconds ago. “who would i even be jealous of?”

“jaemin. who else? i think it’s pretty clear to most. you aren’t that great at managing your feelings, y’know-” the girl’s voice cuts off for a second, “-oh, i’m being called to dinner now but seriously, get yourself together haechan. i know you like my cousin. bye!”

the line goes beep and haechan tosses his phone onto his bed. she really did just leave him hanging like that. how could she after bringing that idea up?!

jealous? not a chance. haechan never gets jealous.

D-4.

haechan wakes up the next day feeling tired, having not slept a wink after winter’s words kept replaying in his head.

i know you like my cousin.

you like my cousin.

you like her.

and these same words follow him as he makes it all the way to school. perhaps seeing you in school would help him understand his feelings better.

he really just wants this to be over with.

with trudged steps, he makes his way to your classroom and luckily enough for him, there you were already in class before the first bell rang.

he blames it on the lack of sleep but you look so ethereal sitting down in your chair as you bop your head lightly to the music that’s presumably playing on your earphones.

the sight is something to behold- that is until he pivots his head ever so slightly and sees jaemin accompanying you. god, why does he have to be there.

so maybe haechan does get jealous. sometimes.

maybe that’s why he acts without thinking, swiftly dragging you from your chair and out to the school courtyard despite your protests.

“hyuck let me go-” you grumble, tugging on your arm but he doesn’t budge one bit. it’s only when you reach a bench in the furthest part of the courtyard he decides to get go of your wrist.

“seriously, what is wrong with you?” you scoff out in disbelief. “this is the first time we’ve spoken in days. i think you could’ve just asked me if you really wanted to talk.” with the addition of those words, haechan finally realizes what he’s done. he knows it was wrong but he isn’t going to back down from the argument that was brewing between you two.

“me? how about you? you’ve been so lovey dovey with mr. perfect all this time! don’t you have yourself to blame on why we haven’t seen each other in so long?” he spat out coldly.

your heart sinks, and yet, you can’t help but feel even more enraged. its true, you’re part of the reason for the lack of communication between you two. after all, communication is a two way system. but doesn’t that also mean he’s also to blame?

“i enjoy jaemin’s company a lot! is that so wrong?” you shoot back, biting your bottom lip before mumbling the latter part of your statement. “at least he isn’t as grumpy as the person standing in front of me.”

ouch.

the boy hears this and gets ticked off even more. maybe it really is the lack of sleep but he seriously can’t understand her reasoning anymore. instead, he assumes she’s just doing all of this for the bet.

“do you really want to win the bet so bad? if that’s what you want, just kiss me and be over with it. i’m literally letting you win. you can stop seeing jaemin now.”

and that’s when it hits you a little.

why is he bringing the bet up all of a sudden when you just want a genuine relationship with jaem- oh. he couldn’t possibly see you as someone like that right? he said it himself! he doesn’t like you and even denied your request to kiss him a few weeks ago.

but, if that were all true, what other explanation would there be to his actions?

he takes your silence as a no, prompting him to leave you in the courtyard all alone.

you couldn’t seem to understand him at all no matter how hard you tried.

as soon as you got home from classes that same day, you rushed yourself back home and into the comfort of your bed and pillows — treating them as if they were your closest confidants and cried while you shared your troubles.

it wasn’t productive on your end but it was much needed for you to at least think straight. you’d been bottling your contemplations all day long after all.

here you are laying lifeless on your bed, using all your braincells to dicern what the fuck happened earlier this morning.

you know haechan doesn’t like you. you’ve said it to yourself so many times now.

maybe he’s just jealous you’ve been spending more time with jaemin because, although you have different intentions before, you realized you couldn’t see him in that way nor had the heart to just use him for your own gain.

haechan was a different story though. you feel flushed just thinking about him, knowing full well the both of you are in the middle of an argument between each other.

remembrance of the frustration hits, making you groan at the thought of having to remedy it. if you and haechan had anything in common, it would be the stubbornness you both share.

the last time you both got into an argument this big was back in junior high. neither of you spoke to the other for an entire month. it got so bad that both your parents had to call each other up to devise a way to get an apology out from the both of you.

though it would make the entire situation much easier, your parents no longer delve into these types of problems — and neither do haechan’s. you’re both all alone to fix this one yourselves and you wish you’d been more grateful to your parents for mending your relationship with haechan.

deep down, you already know the both of you will struggle to find the right timing, but you certainly hope that day would come soon. you didn’t exactly like being away from him either (even if he made you feel like shit for the rest of the day).

you decide to sleep off your worries for the night, hoping and praying that tomorrow would be a better day for you.

D-3.

tomorrow is not any better of a day.

jaemin and haechan both invited you to eat with them for lunch which quickly escalated into a light argument between the two. you couldn’t even bring yourself to butt into their conversation, seeing how they were fighting over something so silly.

“i’m her best friend, we do this pretty much everyday!” you hear haechan yell at jaemin, his frustration for the other getting the best of him. “plus, i need to talk with her. without you.”

“if the two of you are just best friends, then what gives you the right to dictate her answers?” jaemin fires back, keeping a calm and collected appearance throughout.

this shuts haechan up and the entire cafeteria goes dead silent. oh boy, did you want to curl up into a little hole. everyone was staring and you didn’t like that one bit.

nevertheless, you decided to be the bigger person — uttering a small apology to jaemin before walking off to the table you usually sat at with haechan — the latter following you a few steps behind.

neither of you speak as you begin to eat your separate meals, another sign the relationship between you two was starting to fade out into dust.

winter joins your lunch table shortly after witnessing the drama unfold, she looks at haechan with an unreadable expression and the boy stays quiet during the whole meal.

didn't he say he wanted to talk? an apology for the day before would have been nice.

you get fed up by the silence, placing your food back on the tray before picking it up. you mutter a quiet “i can’t seem to understand you at all.” directed at hyuck before leaving and switching over to the table where jaemin and his friends are sitting.

it all happened too fast and haechan didn’t realize you were leaving until you already did. he really did want to talk but how was he supposed to do that after having that situation with jaemin?

he wanted to calm down first but you had other plans. you really left him in shambles this time.

winter can’t help but sigh at the ongoing conflict. she silently wishes she wasn’t involved this much if it was going to turn out like this.

D-2.

haechan knows he truly has to make it up to you (including a long overdue explanation of why he’s been acting weirdly the past few days) but doesn’t know how to do that. apologies never came easy to him. his mind couldn’t help but go blank everytime he tried thinking of a way to approach you without making things more complicated than they already are.

the sheer amount of times he’s hit a brick wall has him calling the only person who probably knows more about you than he, himself, does.

he picks up his phone, searching through his contacts before landing on a single person, now waiting for the phone to ring.

“hello?” winter’s voice reaches him through the call. “i knew you’d call after what happened at the cafeteria.”

it takes a moment for haechan to answer, “maybe if jaemin wasn’t so aggressive–”

“you both were. now spill, have you gotten your feelings sorted yet?” the girl pushes his dramatics aside, getting straight to the point.

“i… think i do. you were right all along.” haechan finishes. although it was hard for him to admit at first, now that he’s actually said it out loud, it might be the first time he’s been feeling a sense of clarity after so long.

winter hums at his confession. “at least you’re finally taking a step in the right direction. now, to win her back…” she smiles to herself, already having a plan in mind.

you, on the other hand, have been seeing haechan and winter together often for the past week. naturally, your mind begins to wonder if your own cousin is the reason why haechan rejected you way back during your small birthday celebration.

the evidence matches up pretty well — he probably couldn’t reject you directly because she was in the room with the two of you that day. he isn’t spending as much time with you anymore because he’s spending time with her.

they look good together.

those words linger in your head more than you’d like to admit.

you feel cast aside by the people you’ve known practically your entire life but you don’t have much of a choice but to return to jaemin’s company. after all, you chose to eat the rest of your lunch at his table instead of the one that brought familiarity to you.

D-DAY.

day after day, the two of you just seemed to grow even more distant and you wondered if the end of your long-term friendship was nigh approaching. you barely saw him roaming through the halls of campus anymore, much less your cousin.

you didn’t dislike the new friend group you had (jaemin introducing you to his friends after you finally told him about your situation with haechan, but you couldn’t help but feel… dissatisfied with your current situation.)

as your class ends, you prepare yourself for another silent walk home. despite having those new friends, you felt lonelier than you ever had. you missed them. you missed him. and yet, life seemed to have other plans for you.

even trudging down these halls filled with other students made you lonely.

truthfully, you would do anything to have them back- a pain to your forehead snaps you out of your thoughts. you had bumped into someone. well, not just someone, but the person you’ve been longing for the most.

haechan. he was right in front of you after who knows how long it’s been.

you felt like crying on the spot but held in your emotions to appear like your life was anything but lost. haechan knew that look on your face, presuming you haven’t been well ever since the two of you have spoken. he takes your hands that have slumped to your sides into his, and the small gesture reminded you of the warmth he’d bring into your life.

“are you up for a short conversation perhaps?” you only nod and he takes that as a signal in the right direction, though, he isn’t used to you acting around him like this. oh boy, this was going to be more than a short conversation.

haechan leads you into the gymnasium and the two of you sit down by the bleachers with no sight of other students in the area.

“before you get mad- i wanted to apologize first. i shouldn’t have acted the way i did. i was childish.” he begins, holding eye contact with you to show his sincerity. “frankly, i was jealous. jealous you spent more time with jaemin, and you seemed to enjoy you time with him more than the times we hang out together. i shouldn’t have made you feel sad in any way, but i did and that’s completely my fault. i’m sorry.” you know his words hold both his feelings and the truth.

he wasn’t going to lie to you. he never once did during the time you knew each other.

however, what he admitted to had you flustered.

he was jealous of you and jaemin? it was a little hard to believe until you remembered the latter confessed to you the past week. oh god, did word of that spread out? nevermind that, what happened between you and jaemin was the least of your worries, the boy in front of you was. what if haechan got the wrong idea from the rumors?

“it’s not completely your fault. we both were pretty stubborn.” you reply, a soft chuckle leaving your lips to ease the tension between you two. “and if… if you’re curious, i never returned jaemin’s feelings back.

haechan gets pretty taken aback by your statement, now wondering why you brought it up. “oh… i know.”

“you knew? did winter tell you?” you question in anticipation. “i guess the both of you are pretty close now.”

“she did but i swear our friendship is nothing like that!” it was his turn to get flustered. “she could never replace your spot in my life.”

“i’m a little confused though after all of this…” you gesture out, referring to the situation that has just recently moved past you two. “what spot do i even have?”

he pauses, taking his time to think of the right words he wants to tell you but they all get stuck in his throat. the expression on your face showed how you took his silence negatively, prompting him to speak. “i like you. i couldn’t admit it even to myself for the longest time and-” having enough of his rambling, you inch a little closer and give him a kiss on the lips.

it’s brief, and yet, it continues to linger on his lips. “you kissed me.”

“why do you think i never gave jaemin an answer to jaemin’s confession?”

“so you were really saving it for me? i’m honored.” he chuckles out, playfully holding his hand to his chest.

“well, you should be.” you add on with the same bright smile he’s seen you flash at jaemin, except this time, it was absolutely for him.

“i guess that also means you won the bet?” he recalls, a brow raising at you.

you give him a light nudge on his shoulder while suppressing a giggle, “oh, shut up and just kiss me. you owe me 10 bucks by the way.”

tags !!

[demonlovingsheep]

Let’s be real, dating ANY of the brothers IRL is going to be a struggle. Some more than others, but still will get you to rip your hair out due to frustrations.

Lucifer: He is the type to be hella busy due to his work. He is swamped with paperwork and his student council meeting that he doesn’t have much time to spend with you. Also being his partner, people’s expectations of you are also high. Imagine you tripped on a rock in the middle of the street, next day on social media everyone is going to talk about how “Lucifer’s partner tripped on a rock. How can he be with such a klutz. He deserves better.” While Lucifer doesn’t care about what other says because you are perfect for him, and even find those people who is quacking behind the screen, it will get to you that you would crack.

Mammon: Oh boy this one is a doozy. Yeah he is sweet from time to time, buying you sweets, flowers, and accessories from time to time and calls you the only one for him, his baby boo. Yeah your also the only one to bust him out of jail due to his crime. Good luck carrying his debt too, he got debt collectors knocking at his door getting him to cough up the money. All the more he is gonna continue to spend, and your house is going to be filled with items that might look pretty as decorations, but no other use what do ever. Oh and where did that 20 dollar bill in your wallet go? Also isn’t this your 40th time apologizing on his behalf for the problem he caused? Oh but it will be alright as Mammon give you his adorable puppy eye and all is forgiven.

Leviathan: This is the 125235th time you heard the Hana Ruri opening song. You have so many game accounts on games that you practically have no interest in but he begged you to login daily so that he could get his rewards and stuff. He rambles a lot about the newest anime or idol concert. You try to add your two bits but he keeps talking over you. If you show little interest, he will sulk thinking that of course you wouldn’t want to listen to him since he is a gross otaku. This in term will make you feel guilty and trying assure him that he ain’t. You have to do a lot of assuring, he gets jealous of so many things and cry, you’re the one with pants in this relationship. He also spend a lot of time in his room to do a game marathon that he doesn’t keeps up with his meals and have bad hygiene. It’s your job to tell him to go touch some grass. Even though his money managing skills is slightly better than Mammon, it still doesn’t prevent him from spending a ton on an ultra rare Hana Ruri card or figurine. Also you might feel jealous over his goldfish Henry.

Satan: He has poor organization skills, just look at the piles of dusty books in his room. If you ask him about it, he’ll just say that it’s how he likes it. You have to be the one to pull him away from arguments so that nothing escalates. You also don’t know where his boundaries are. He could be fine when you poke his chest or face, put will get a mad if you poke his arm or head. We all know one boundary that you should never cross which is comparing him to. However he always overthink your words, thinking you did compared him to that bastard when you just trying to give him a compliment. Pray to Diavolo that there is a cat somewhere around you. He might be calm and collective, but that can go from 0 to 100 real quick. I hope you don’t fear yelling.

Asmodeus: It’s always about him sweetie. See that photo you took at the beach the other day. He looks absolutely gorgeous under the sun’s rays. Oh you look great too daring, but not as much as him. Every time you go out with him, he will take a hour to get prepared. He will bring you to so many clothing shops and jewelry shops to try out so many items that you spent the whole entire day there. Yeah it may be fun to try out new clothings, but having to pick out outfits, heading to the fitting room to put the outfit on, stepping out for him to make a judgement, head back to the dressing room to undress, and the cycle repeats itself for like the hundredth time. After your done, good luck carrying the bags of clothes him because his figure isn’t made to carry all that heavy stuff. It’s bad for the skin. Also you can never really correct problems he caused, he always blames it on because he is too beautiful and not really getting your point. Then there are his fans who is constantly going up to him, begging for a selfie and his attention. In a club, he is going to be dragged away by his fans leaving you behind with some of them and they sneer at you or pick on your appearance. They don’t think your right for him, and will tear your self-esteem apart with every flaw you have. You never know if he truly loves you sometimes.

Beelzebub: The main problem is his hunger, which he can’t control. You try to be understanding, but having to stock the fridge for it to be emptied the very next day can really tick you off. Like you wake up one morning excited for bacon and eggs, but it’s all gone. There is not even ice cubes for you to munch on. Oh well guess you just have to order take out, but make sure to get 100 large supreme pizza please. Total: $1,672, +tip and tax. Oh and don’t forget to do groceries in the afternoon too. Good news is that he comes with you so you don’t have to carry it all, bad news is that he keeps eating the ingredients in the bag and he made you visit many food stands along the way. Rip you’re wallet. You’re also kicked out of many restaurants due to Beel bankrupting the store for eating too much, and getting angry that he isn’t allowed to order more. Also, where did that expensive golden truffle chocolate, or that new flavored newt chip that you were looking forward to eat?

Belphegor: Being lazy is a cute trait but not a useful trait, the floor isn’t going to clean itself. He always 30 minutes late on the times you agree to meet up because he overslept. He’ll fall asleep any place any time. Belphie we’re riding a roller coaster, don’t fall asleep.. ahh he is out like a light. It’s your duty to wake him up while the staff and other people in line yelling at you and him to get off already. Yeah if only you can wake him up. It’s embarrassing but at least it’s not a dangerous situation like the time he fell asleep during lab and your cauldron starts bubbling like crazy! Also he is only wide awake for 8 hours a day, and sleep the other hours away. He also likes to annoy you on purpose just to get a rise out of you for the fun of it. Nothing too serious, but it does get annoying.

[derangedanomaly]

yugioh anon here to explain my feelings on blade (and the rest of the cast bc maybe i am a little think about them) since like anon train is doing that!!

genuinely i think blade and i would have vv rough start. i’m like super neurodivergent (can you tell lmao) so i think he’d purposefully upset me for beinf like ace in that introverted and rambler aspect. howrver i ramble about cats and anime. blade malfunctions. blade is like “y’know what you’re actually a little cooler than i thought. still a total nerd tho lmao” and then boom we friends. i think we mesh together pretty well when he’s not being too much an ass. 6/10

ace my bbg my beloved we’re autism to autism CONNECTION!!! i mention a game i like and he’s like “that reminds me of ..” and rambles on and i sit there and engage with that shit fr!! i ramble. he listens. we besties fr. however ONE of us is going to have to order at the restaraunt at some point and i’ll be honest he’s gonna have to shoot me twice for me to order. 10/10

ted. oh how i feel about this guy. rocky at first but i am vv adore animals and we would bond over the idea of livong peacefully in nature alongside silly creatures. i bake for him sometimes 7/10

chaos gets along with literally rveryone that isn’t a blatant asshole. he gets along with NIGHTMARE. yeah. guess i’m being teased or smth all the time (oh no pretty man is focusing on me oh the horror /lh) 10/10

nightmare more like mauls him to death explodes him puts him in a cauldron sends him to the rats. he’d hate me for being loud sometimes and verbal stimming. stabs me with a tentacle probably or feeds on my negative feelings like an ass. 0/10 hope he expldoe. i don’t even like classical music it makes me feel sick. i also despise old literature it sucks to decipher what the hell they mean.

YOU GOT EVERYONE'S PERSONALITY SO PERFECTLY CAPTURED IT'S CRAZY!!

Nah, but fr. You managed to get their personalities ON POINT. Good job 👍

[asterthecalico]

AHA! uno reverse part two electric boogaloo :3

You're a bass player right? How is it? Do you play in concerts? What are the things that you like about it? any silly anecdotes?

:0 an ask for me!!

Yes I play the double bass in my school orchestra! I played the violin from kindergarten up until last year (with a break during covid), although I’ve only had group instruction really so I was never terribly good at it. But this school year I wanted to try something new so I picked up the bass and it’s been really fun! There were definitely some struggles in the transition like, bass just requires more physical effort to play, and I don’t think I have any proper technique so my endurance is really bad. But I’m hoping to start private lessons soon so fingers crossed I can make some good progress.

Yes my school’s orchestra performs in concerts! It’s always pretty fun and I really like playing music with other people, it’s like. Idk it makes me really happy. Honestly concerts are not my ideal way to share music, whenever I’m in the audience it’s nice to hear the music but it feels restricting to only be able to sit down shut up and listen. I think in that matter perhaps classical music isn’t quite what I’m looking for, so maybe after next year I’ll look into alternatives, but in the meantime it works.

Don’t have too many anecdotes off the top of my head, but we did do this thing we called string camp where we went to a YMCA camp for a weekend to hang out and rehearse a ton. And while there, we did a skit night, where every section would prepare a skit and the perform it to the ensemble. The bass skit ended up being the most unhinged, probably because there were so few of us (only 6 as opposed to like 20 each in the other sections), so no one stepped in to be like, hey what is this! The skit ended up being about the bass section essentially trying to catch the attention of one of the conductors and culminated in murder! Lots of fun!

I think our favorite song we played this year is this ratatouille medley we did for the winter concert. There were two periods of string orchestra and for this concert we got to submit and vote on songs we wanted to play, and the earlier period ended up selecting the ratatouille medley. It wasn’t submitted in my period, but the conductor left the tab open while showing us our options and we ended up deciding it was cool and voting for it as well, even though it wasn’t one we submitted. Anyways it was a really fun song to play and the bass section had some nice pizzicato parts!

Thanks for the opportunity to ramble <3

[catnamedd0g]

Growing The Freak Up.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently (actually probably too much, been rambling an awful lot on close friends stories, sorry). I try to archive things but I'm so keen on knowing whether or not someone agrees and likes the stories so I can feel a little bit like a super girl genius who’s like, super in tune with everything and has a lot of insight.. Anyway a lot of turmoil in my life. I've been extremely caught up in very negative feelings when it comes to things like being a girl and how differently men and women are socialized cause like, can we not all be friends? Fundamentally that’s never gonna work though (sorry not sorry).´

I remember spending hours almost crying over tiktok dm’s with my friend Iliana over (some) men and their strange inability to form meaningful connections, I mean, maybe this is all nonsense and I’m actually like, super wrong and if that’s the case I’ve horribly misread every situation in the universe. But if you think like… for example, (I have a younger brother and we were raised in the same house :0) girls are raised in a way that teaches them to nurture. The baby dolls and the kitchens and the Barbies. We are taught to care for and love things, even inanimate. Compare that to little boys and their trucks and cars and all the things they used that go smash smash smash, they're not really taught to care for and love things the way we are. I guess we never really stop nurturing and they never really stop disregarding. And maybe that’s why when they are unresponsive, like the baby dolls I loved so much, I just keep loving and feeding and clothing them (they don’t even need it!). I forgot where I read this. I didn't make it up but it’s been greatly saddening me recently. Whatever, this isn’t a deep dive into manhood cause I'm not a man and I don't really care for reading about them… 

Everything managed to simultaneously clear up and get ten times harder when I realized there was more to life than stolen cigarettes and boys who don’t care if you live or die. Maybe I'm just finally becoming my own entity. I used to not be able to go more than like two days without seeing someone. I guess I got really used to searching for myself in other people cause I was too afraid to get to know myself. But It’s just always so disappointing. And maybe that’s how I feel every time I try to get to know myself too.

Not to be all nihilistic or anything. Being a girl is so hard and no one ever tells you how. Also, can we talk about how uncomfortable developing into a woman is?? Everybody lies all the time. It did not feel like ‘blossoming’, it felt like being ripped out of the womb all over again. It felt like being torn off a glue trap, adolescence n girlhood clinging on to you and tearing your limbs and fur off but now you're free! I don’t think I’ll ever get the sticky residue off though. And maybe I don't want to wash it off. I’ve found myself clinging onto ‘girlhood’ like a dead baby I carry in my womb that I refuse to push out, and if I ever do decide to expel it I don't think I'd ever cut the umbilical cord. I'd rather be maimed than be considered a woman. Like, a woman. A grown woman with thoughts and feelings and boobs and a brain. Didn’t even really like the idea of being a young lady. Maybe I just hate that I can't hide behind willful naivety anymore. But no amount of starving or ruminating is gonna keep me nubile forever.

Man makes plans and God laughs .

I don't really have much more to say and I've gotten sick of reading these words over and over again. hope u enjoyed close friends rant long form edition :P

[otaku6337]

The Entitlement, and the Appreciation, in Fandom

Imma just shove in a quick “this is a generalisation/ a trend I happen to have personally seen for my friends and I/not meant as a personal attack or lecture” disclaimer etc etc, because it isn’t always the case and definitely isn’t all of this demographic of readers, most of them are lovely-

But why does it seem as though the entitled readers are almost always the ones who don’t post fics themselves?

I feel like every time I get a shitty comment offering unasked for criticism or complaining about my choices or being demanding about something, I always click on the account and there it is, yet again, the “0 works”.

You don’t know what it’s like to spend hours, days, weeks, of your life writing something, and then mustering up the confidence and courage to post it online, where it might not get any attention, or where people with too much time on their hands and too much emphasis on their opinion might try to tear it apart, or where, and this is the bit you hope for, at least one person might just enjoy it, maybe even enough to tell you that they did.

We’re not magicking up some “product” for you to “review” like this is Amazon or some new restaurant in your town. We’re not machines, we’re not being paid, we’re not here for you.

If you have never posted a fic and you decide to try and criticise my work, I will never respect your criticism on it. It’s as simple as that. You’re not achieving anything. I’m not going to change my writing to suit you, particularly if you’re an arsehole about it.

If a regular reader asked me a respectful question, I would happily explain. If a new username asks me a respectful question, I will explain.

If some random person comes in with passive aggressive comments, demeaning jokes, or criticism in general, thinking that they have any right to try and tell me what writing should be, they will be ignored at best, or refuted at worst. If you haven’t written, then you have no idea.

To the readers who don’t write and who are lovely - keep doing you. You’re wonderful.

Being a positive, encouraging reader is just as big a part of fandom as being a creator, in many ways, and I will always appreciate a kind reader no matter what perspective or fandom background they come from. You don’t have to have written fics to be able to appreciate someone else’s writing, and I’m lucky that so many of my readers and those in my fandom circles embody that.

And if me saying this upset you, then perhaps examine your own previous fandom experiences. Consider what perspective you come into fandom with - do you create, are you a reader/watcher etc, are you both? How do you treat people in fandom whose views or creation differ to your own? Are you, intentionally or not, giving pointless, mean, and unasked for criticism, “constructive” or otherwise?

Do you appreciate what the other people in fandom do for you?

If the answer is no, then it’s probably time to think about that. To remember that fandom is a hobby, not the be-all and end-all of your life, or anyone else’s.

It’s okay not to like something. It’s not okay to be entitled or cruel because of that difference.

And so here endeth the ramble, or whatever. Just, please, consider what the writers and artists in fandom do for you, how much time and effort they put in, and how your complaint is never going to “fix” whatever your personal issue with their stuff is.

If you don’t like, don’t interact.

And if you haven’t written and posted fics? I’m never going to take your criticism seriously. I don’t need to either. It’s not like I’m trying to sell a product  ;)

[emsylcatac]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, clown anon here after a long time of not talking :0) how do you feel with this season? what do you think of it? i just watched derision and hmmmm i'm having mixed feelings about how things are developing

hiiiii clown anon omg it’s been so long!!!!! How are you doing ??

I have mixed feelings too to be honest! I reaaally loved it up till Elation (episode 9 I think? I’m forgetting all the names), but after I’m feeling a bit confused on a few things that are leaving me hungry for more. But I’ve yet to see all the episodes so maybe some stuff are gonna make more sense later

(I’m gonna put the rest undercut cause I don’t want to be too negative for those who don’t care about that, especially because I’m still enjoying watching very much, but I’m still underwhelmed about a few things)

The interactions are super cute and I’m rooting for them so I still love it, but while I had the feeling the lovesquare sides were merging together as expecting till Elation, I feel like the writers are splitting the sides more now if it makes sense? Like Ladynoir and Adrinette are existing more on their own than as a whole right now. Which, I’ve said enough times that I always expected / hoped for them to date post-reveal instead of pre-reveal, so I was already super disappointed by that. Because to me the whole idea with the lovesquare was for them to discover each other fully and all, having all these conflicts with the identities while right now they’re not really…playing much into anything (apart from sending Luka to Brazil lol) between the 2 of them (thought this might change in later episodes & we might not have had the time to see it yet properly)

I feel like a lot of the Adrinette we see now should have developed as friendship last season, especially if they wanted to go with the pre-reveal dating part. I feel like they’ve started some plots only for them to fall short or be dismissed easily (Marinette supposedly falling in love for Chat Noir is completely brushed aside despite the built-up, as if potentially being akumatised and getting back to reason could erase romantic feelings easily which is…weird. Her refusal of getting close to Adrien at the start of the season because of her trauma from loosing the miraculous, while understandably not being a problem anymore in Kwami’s choice since she’s free of her Ladybug responsability, isn’t being addressed anymore when she get it back (unless I’m misremembering which is possible cause I watched the episodes only once while I was traveling dhfhjfd). Then today’s episode explained lots of her struggles with confession, which is great and I really liked that we got all these insights, but it comes a bit late imo - we’ve thought for so long Marinette was scared of rejection, but turns out it’s not exactly quite just that. Then for the whole show they’re telling us how important secret identities are, then the Luka plot with him knowing is just brushed off like it’s nothing and honestly didn’t really add anything to the plot and all, etc etc.& I won’t talk about Kwami’s choice because apart from the Adrinette in the episodes & the wish getting stopped by them as civilians, the rest wasn’t it hahaha)

They’re also now suddenly focusing a lot on side-characters (Zoé???? when again we could have gotten more Nino development instead but anyway), that are taking a lot of the intrigue leave Adrien more in the background than some side-char, or taking the place for some other plots that could have felt less rushed. Not that it’s bad to develop side-characters, but ML hasn’t been great at it so it comes off as them waking up like ‘oh shoot we gotta develop these guys’ on the late.

Anyways I’ve rambled enough as it is hahaha, overall I’m still laughing a lot and having a great time, and it’s nice to see them getting closer and I love that 🥺 and I hope the next episodes will change my mind on a few things, but I can’t say I’m entirely satisfied with the way the lovesquare plot is unfolding. It’s not bad, it’s nice and I enjoy it, but a part of me will always mourn the loss of potential. Things would have been a lot more meaningful if they had dated after the reveal imo but oh well 😅

I don’t know if your mixed feelings were on the same points as me or not clown anon, but here are some of mine!

[good-beanswrites]

*Knocks on door* heard we could ask for director's commentary on our punishments...would like to know what you were thinking for the Es Quest Bad End in more detail....

Haha, sure 😂 It's all under the cut, my rambly thoughts in pink!

You open your eyes. 

I'm a sucker for the repetitive loop starts, I had to open with something recognizable :) Writing in second person present tense was a really new and fun project for me, haha. Also, not that this took a long time to draw, but it gave me a new appreciation for you adding a drawing to pretty much every update omg >:0

The temple looks the same as it always has. The thought usually comes as a relief – after a particularly difficult hero, the return to routine is a blessing. Seeing everything back in its place always fills you with a sense of peace. God once explained that all of existence is a circle. Something about eternity and cycles and perfection. You didn’t quite understand, but you enthusiastically told Him that you did. You didn’t want to appear as a clueless child. And anyway, you grew to love the loops. 

My attempt of channeling autistic coded Amane... both seeking the familiar/routine no matter the cost, and trying to act more knowledgeable to avoid the shame of not understanding :( Both in canon and in esquest I'm so emotional about how Amane finds comfort in things that normally are healthy -- religion, community, family, rules -- but they aren't healthy in her case. I tried to paint the loops/eternity as something good here, planning on flipping it around by the end.

(Also, I went with the catholic practice of capitalizing He/Him for God -- I know Amane isn't catholic but I liked the effect)

But not now. 

This time, your head whips around, looking for something that should be here. Well, it shouldn’t be here, but you expected it to be.

You pace the chamber’s echoing floor, but there’s no sign of it. Did you really expect it to be here? Did you really get your hopes high? You should not have been so naive. The hat isn’t here. How could you have been so stupid?

Ah, the painful divide of being hopeful, but trying to convince yourself you were never hopeful in the first place, or that it was wrong to be, so that the disappointment stings less :(

“What are you looking for?”

You nearly startle at the voice. God stands behind you. He does not sound pleased. 

“N-nothing!”

The word come out in a panic. Then, as you’re struck with the realization that you just lied to God, your eyes drop to the ground. “I mean… it’s nothing of importance.”

She's just a kid!!! Kids lie on instinct when they panic!!! (I mean, adults lie on instinct when they're panicked too...) I wasn't sure how rebellious you view her in the story, but I felt like she loved/feared God enough to immediately try and correct her mistake without necessarily admitting to it. A smooth cover up so that she doesn't feel guilty but also doesn't get in trouble. I feel like she'd be toeing this line a lot...

He steps closer, and you shy away from His suspicion. 

Despite the glare He shoots up at you, God’s voice is even. “Are you sure?”

Once again, I'm sure how omnipotent he is in your version, but I pictured him knowing absolutely everything. He knows how high she had her hopes. He knows what she's hiding from him now. But he's playing it cool and making her come out and say it.

“Y-yes. I thought… last time there was…” You take a moment to collect your thoughts. God pauses as you do so. He is always patient with you. He loves you, after all. You inhale. “The last hero tried to change things, but they did not. I knew they couldn’t,” you lie, “so I was just seeing the proof.”

“Yes, they failed. There is nothing to look for here.”

“Of course.”

I debated on having Amane actually witness Es defeated, had proof of some kind. I decided that leaving it up to God's word made it hurt more -- readers (myself included) would still have hope that maybe is Es really is coming back, and God is just saying that to keep her complacent. The unknown makes it even more painful to watch Amane give up that hope and turn her back on the possibility.

God leaves you, then. The temple drops into silence. He is right. There is nothing to look for. You aren’t quite sure what emotion you’re left with. Your chest feels as empty as the chamber around you.

The next hero, however, finds out exactly what you were feeling. They take one step into your cell, and you tear them apart. 

I was trying to keep these are drabbles but honestly there could have been a whole fic focused on this in-between time: how long did it take before the next hero came? What did Amane do when God told her she'd have to do it all again? I wanted to make her Big Choice having to do with accepting punishments, but I could have easily made this the Big Final Choice. What was it like, walking down to her cell and locking herself up, after everything? Is the new hero painful because they remind her of Es, they are nothing like Es, or she doesn't even give them a chance to find out?

It all happens in a moment. It shouldn’t be them walking through the door. You scream, accusing the flailing hero of things they never could have done. You cry, accusing yourself of things you never should have done. You let your claws tear however they please. 

Looking at the mess before you, you feel like the monster everyone feared you were. 

You don’t really care. 

Brief moment of showing just how much pain she's in but still can't process her emotions so she lashes out in violence, but also.... one (1) moment of catharsis as a treat. Go Girl Fuck Em Up! Also giving the audience a brief taste of hope that she's accepting herself and realizing how powerful she is (hinting towards her using that power to stand up for herself) only to drop it immediately after ;-; sorry ;-;

That is, until God appears once more. He looks on the scene with disgust. It’s the type of face the villagers would flash your way before turning away to whisper something. It’s the look you saw from your parents, a silent warning about what was about to follow. You knew this situation was no different. 

You were monstrous, and you would be punished as one. 

“This type of behavior is not why I chose you.” God says. “I chose you to be special.”

This was the closest I could get to the sting of "I'm not mad, just disappointed." I think if God was openly angry or cruel Amane would challenge him much easier, but she's so busy caring if she made people proud, if she didn't disappoint them, if she was good enough for them, that those things hurt the most to hear.

“I understand.” 

“Come with me.” 

This was right. This was just.

Once again a little catholicism while knowing Amane is her own religion -- there's a prayer at the beginning of mass where you chant "It is right and just [to give thanks to God]" It sounds pretty normal on its own, plus I might get to jumpscare people with it lol

Your feet remain stuck. Es...

No. You do need to do this.

For most of my planning process, I was set on using a little photoshop so that the final, desperate ask would come from you, actually! But I was really committed to the emotional pacing of the ending, and nothing takes someone out of the rhythm like "I would not fucking say that" 😅 The same thing stopped me from asking some of the typical commenters to send stuff in (plus I didn't want to implicate them in my crime 😅)

It was really fun considering ways that a fourth-wall voice may influence my story, but I knew the most emotional route was just some simple pleading right at the end. I wasn't sure it it would still hit as hard with the second person pov -- would it really feel like Amane was turning her back on You if you were already immersed as Amane? But I tried anyway asdfsdf

These voices, they were wrong last time. Only one person had proved undoubtedly correct this whole time, and you should have listened to Him from the beginning. 

There is a reason everything is circular. The loops make sense. Routine means perfection. Change never brings anything except pain. This time, you will be good. You will be good enough. 

By this time, I wanted the cycles to suddenly feel suffocating to the reader, and reminding them of the many, many more loops Amane will be trapped in after this ends. And I'm still breaking my own heart with how she values "being good" over being treated decently...

You follow God.

Your chin is held high. You need no saving form heroes, or voices, or anyone. You’re right where you’re supposed to be. You’re special. You may not be perfect, but that is why you must endure these lessons. God must love you so much, since he is willing to teach them again and again. How patient he must be.

She is special, and is strong, and not just a weak child who relies on others to save her, but!!! In this case she does need saving!! She needs people looking out for her and protecting her!! That's not a shameful thing to admit! Even putting God's manipulative love aside, I feel like her insistence in canon to never be treated like a child just shows that she can't accept needing any help whatsoever -- to do so is the exact same as admitting she's weak/a failure/etc.

He turns his face away, in time to miss one last tear that slips down your cheek. You hear the smile in his voice. 

“There’s a good girl.”

Just. Reminding everyone. And hurting myself. About how Amane will literally sacrifice herself physical and mental safety just to hear that said about her. Ah.

[danieesketches]

[MAY 2006]

‘And when they do, there’s an explosion of emotions. They talk and laugh and smile. They go see a movie, they go out for a meal, mobile phones allow them to take photos so easily and they have fun pulling stupid faces into the tiny lens, hands twisting awkwardly so the camera can actually focus on them.’

.

I’m not a writer, but after finishing Road 96 Mile 0, I had many emotions and decided to write a fanfic. I’m not the greatest writer out there, and I imagine there’s probably a fair few mistakes in this, but I had fun creating this.

More of my ramblings are below the keep reading line, along with the story. It became way longer than I imagined it would, but I hope you enjoy reading it, if you chose to do so!

[SPOILERS  IN STORY AND AUTHOR NOTES BELOW]

Self indulgent Road 96 Mile 0 fanfic because the game was everything I hoped for it to be and more.

SPOILERS FOR MILE 0 AND ROAD 96 GOOD ENDINGS.

Also, there is swearing in this story.

This is set during and after the ending in which Kaito and his family are driving away to start their new lives. There is also some mentions of the Road 96 ending where Florres wins (specifically the ending where John, Fanny and Alex embrace one another).

I haven’t started the main Road 96 game yet though, so the knowledge of it I do have is based on playthrough bits I’ve seen on YouTube.

It’s somewhat mostly Kaito-centric but I do try to discuss his parents and a few other characters here and there.

.

In which life goes on and the years bring many changes.

.

The feeling of the night time breeze hit Kaito as he mindlessly gazed out the open window. The stars lined the sky for what seemed like endless miles and the view behind them got smaller and smaller.

Big Bear Rest Stop got smaller and smaller.

Petria got smaller and smaller.

Kaito could have screamed, he could have cried. Zoe had taken the file, but she’d finally know. She’d finally wake the fuck up and see he was right all along. Robert had been so close to finishing them all off there but something in the gun wielding man let them live, leaving with fake IDs, glances across their shoulder and hope.

Instead, he cleared the breath he’d lodged into his throat and whispered “I love you both.” to his parents. He’s nearly lost them so many times, but he hasn’t told them how much they mean to him. How he’s sorry he’s been so angry that he’s not let them know he can still feel love without it being at the expense of hurting someone else.

He sees his mom and dad smile. Tired smiles, but for once they seem to have a light in their eyes. Like maybe something good is ahead.

“We love you too Kaito.” Anzu smiles. “Now get some rest, we have a while to go.”

For the first time in longer than he realises, he knows he’ll sleep maybe peacefully as opposed to the often mild resentment.

.

The car takes them to a place that isn’t quite a town, village or city. More like a pit stop kind of area just after the border, enough places to look around but not exactly somewhere you’d settle down for the remainder of your life.

It’s small, quiet and far from the shitty work dormitory. Daw looks over at his sleeping wife and son and is thankful to whatever higher power exists that he lives another day to see them flourish.

.

He’d long been desensitised to the awful treatment from the upperclass toward the poorer folk of Petria. Having moved there with his wife during its early days of the past dictatorship, they’d managed to get by easily enough as long as they kept their mouths shut and just did what they were told. But then the old leadership was overthrown by Tyrak and everything went from bad to worse.

When Anzu found out they were expecting Kaito, she and her husband had been living in a small apartment at the time, but supporting a baby and yourself was not easy with their wages, so Daw took it upon himself to take as many jobs as he could so Anzu could rest during her maternity.

Their neighbours at the time had been the loveliest older couple they could ever call friends. The Johnsons had seen Petria in many of its forms. Their own lives had not been a walk in the park there, but things went onward and got manageable. Malcolm, the husband, was a crossword enthusiast but didn’t always like reading the contents of the newspapers he bought for puzzles. Abigail, the wife, was short but absolutely loved to wear a bright pink cardigan and green flowery bag whenever she wasn’t working.

They had been a staple support, Abigail coming around to check up on Anzu when Daw and Malcolm weren’t available. She’d bring around some jam and crackers and gently spoke. Malcolm helped them insulate their apartment windows and put reflective foil behind their main room radiator so they’d be a bit warmer when it got colder.

Daw was a silent man. He didn’t argue with authority. He just did as he was told, even when his boss was a pretentious 20 something year old whose manager status was entirely down to nepotism. Daw cleaned streets, wiped windows, trimmed hedges, painted walls. You name it, he’d probably done it.

Long hours, mediocre pay, but if it meant his wife didn’t have to worry or suffer, he’d do it a thousand times over.

Kaito was born on February 17th,1980. He’d cried so much and held so tightly onto the fabric of his mother’s nightdress. Daw had been afraid to hold him too roughly but Anzu had placed the restless infant in his arms and immediately, the fear was replaced by a strive to make sure his son and wife never had to worry.

In the very far distance of White Sands, fireworks had been set off for some other party, but Anzu and Daw saw those as a joyous cry out to welcome their baby boy into the world.

.

As time went on, Daw was heartbroken to see the consequences of not being able to keep his promise. Kaito was 14 when Aya passed away and he was 15 when he dropped out of high school to help his parents out when they ended up being evicted from their old apartment.

He’d done so with a smile, but Daw knew when his son was lying and would never admit to seeing the resentment he cast at the rich folk who’d look at workers as if they were scum.

Times like these, he missed the Johnsons. He regrets 1986 happening. He hoped they didn’t suffer.

.

Anzu did the speaking at the motel front desk. John had given them an envelope of cash along with a note reading the address to this place.

“Tell the front desk Mr Ursus recommended you stay here. That’ll help things run smoothly. This should cover you for a bit.” The trucker has advised them before heading on his own way.

The bearded Brigade had been right too. Front desk had them sign a month lease and gave them the keys to a room. The rate worked out fairly even to the worker dorm rent. The envelope had held a combination of their savings they had slowly put away over the course of 6 years and a little extra that John had added.

The room was one main room decorated with a double bed and single bed separated by a desk with a lamp, another desk, a tiny mini fridge and a wardrobe. An iron and a kettle were sat on the bigger table. Through a door was the bathroom which was plain but had a cupboard above the sink for storing things in.

It was big and small all at once, but for now it was home. So clad with only a few bags of clothes and the odd trinket between them, they wiped down surfaces with some wipes and set to getting accustomed to all of this.

“It’s so big.” Kaito mused. For the first time in a long time, all of them would be guaranteed to sleep in a bed for every night the family stayed here.

.

For the first three days, tiredness had taken hold of the Lin family far more than expected. To the point they’d maybe been awake for 5 hours of each day. Almost like they were chasing away years of burdens. By day four, they needed to eat an actual meal instead of a couple crackers.

Front desk had lead them to a room they could use for cooking. $5 fee per person, per use, so the family decided only one would cook in there while the others would take the food to their room.

The first proper meal they sat down to eat was rice with some veggies they’d gotten from the convenience store. Their fridge however had many sandwiches wrapped in cling film, a bag of apples, a bottle of diet cola and some instant noodles.

And it, in Anzu’s opinion, was the best meal she’d had in ages.

.

Maybe this little motel could be home for a while longer.

After their first week of staying together and slowly adjusting to now being known as the Chen family, the trio enquired to the front desk clerk about employment within that area. And would luck have it, the motel was considering hiring more help with some tasks like the laundry and housecleaning.

With the promise of things that sounded too good to be true (alright hours, alright payrate, heavily discounted accommodation and a $3 discount in the utilities rooms) the trio were responsible for things like the cleaning of the rooms, laundry and making the exterior look nice. They worked at different hours but usually two were working the same shift, leaving the third to their own devices.

“Not to worry, if Ursus sent you here, it’s the least I can do.” The woman smiled a cheeky grin before pulling out a sheet of paper to jot down their names and place them into their respective shifts.

Paychecks were given every two weeks and Kaito nearly choked when he saw they’d each gotten $60. Last time they’d gotten something even close to that was when management had been feeling generous (probably trying to be eligible for some weird tax loophole) one Christmas and gave everyone a bonus as a treat. It was only ever the once that happened though.

While his parents had work that day, Kaito had two days off and so he decided that he would treat his parents to dinner. The convenience store clerk was bored reading a magazine. Kaito felt weird as he tried to decide between which pasta sauce he wanted to try. The mini basket on his arm already had a huge bag of fusilli alongside some milk powder and a box of cereal.

Deciding on a plain tomato one, he took the items to be paid for when he glanced a packet of plain biscuits on the stand by him. And for the first time ever, he didn’t cringe when he saw they cost nearly a dollar.

.

Anzu and Daw are asleep in their bed when Kaito creeps out of the room to sit on the porch steps outside. In his hand he has a mug of water and a few biscuits on a napkin. He just sits and watches the world go by. Rarely does a car drive past tonight and here he is in pyjamas with midnight snacks, feeling the weight of the past three weeks.

Petria feels like forever ago and not long enough. He’s woken up each day and not felt like he’s going to lose his shit and tear down Tyrak posters. Thankfully this place is very ‘no politics mentioned’ (at least in attitude) so he doesn’t particularly have to consider the implications that anyone around him may want to sing praises for that shithead.

If they’re going to feel that way, they should stay silent.

The stars aren’t as bright tonight. But the skies are peaceful. He knows that if he were to stand in the middle of the road, he’d see Mount National closer than he could from the roof he and Zoe once sat at. Picking a biscuit to chew on, he pauses and places it down.

“Fucking hell.” He mumbles and draws himself close. Tears pool and are blotted away by the sleeve of his top. “fucking hell.” He repeats.

Because his family is not rich; but here he is. A warm bed, a job he doesn’t particularly hate his manager at and he just bought a pack of fucking biscuits because he saw them and decided why not? He feels like they’re finally winning something. Maybe not a huge something but there’s something.

“I know son. I know.” His mother whispers lovingly as she takes a seat next to him and brings him in for a hug. It’s been so long since she heard her son cry, even more so for reasons not affiliated with the brutal reality of what being poor poor was like.

.

Daw watched the scene from the door. For the first time in a while, all three of them had the next day free and so he decided he’d see if there happened to be any crossword books in the little shop.

“I’m sure you’d be proud, Johnsons.” The older man smiled.

.

The store has crossword books. Daw buys a handful of them.

.

They haven’t gotten around to talking about everything they went through, and for a while, they probably won’t. But that’s for their future.

.

By July, Kaito and his family take a trip to the town a 15 minute drive away from their accommodation. They’ve been putting bits of money down here and there and that’s just as well because after the past two months of a better diet and a steady enough routine, Kaito finds that his old clothes fit slightly closer on him than they used to be. His face wasn’t so gaunt anymore either, one might say he didn’t immediately look like seething death.

Their family had never had a reason to spend above their means, so on a sleepy summer morning, the trio are looking at items in a small charity shop. Amidst her collection of clothing, Anzu saw a lovely green top with flowers on it that reminded her of the bag Abigail had once owned and cherished.

Daw picked up a few Hawaiian shirts and a little fishing hat to add to his collection of one. The work back in Petria may have been gruelling but the hat he wore everyday was a comfort to him. It has been a gift Kaito had acquired for him (the younger never did reveal how he found or got the hat).

Kaito, however, had a bit of different styles in his hand. He had a couple plain tops, a pair of jeans and a couple pairs of trousers, however he also had a bright green and orange colour block shirt and a t-shirt that seemed to be for some band called Metallica.

By the time they get back, Kaito and Daw head back out to start their respective shifts cleaning the vacant rooms and sorting out the laundry load. Anzu sets to carefully removing the price stickers on the clothes and separating them accordingly to get them washed while the machines were free.

Charity shops weren’t a huge thing back in Petria, but when they were, the price of stuff was outrageous to even be considered charity.

Sat in the little room with only her thoughts, she absentmindedly listens to the radio talk about things like some pop group’s upcoming concert in Philadelphia or a new vacuum going on sale. And as the washing machine thrums, she finds herself calm.

.

Routine, Kaito learns over time, is nice. The solid structure of expecting to do something one day and another thing on another is working wonders for him. He carries a little year planner and in it he has his work shift hours written and any reminders he needs to note.

He starts thinking about the gaps in times he has on some weeks. How he remembers his days used to be fairly sporadic after he dropped out of high school. Sometimes he’d be delivering newspapers, others he’d be hanging out with Zoe- before all the need to get out was a thing.

Petria doesn’t become much of a topic of conversation for any of them, though he’s sure at some point his family is going to need to talk about this to someone. He also doesn’t hear about it on the radio stations or TV in the reception area. It’s frightening, like it cut itself off from the world. Beyond those walls was a hellscape.

This motel area isn’t perfect by any means, but it’s a thousand times better than where they ran away from and that in itself makes it almost like a heaven of some sorts. 

Kaito wasn’t sure how long they’d be staying here after they renewed their lease for the fifth time. He was starting to wonder what was beyond this beyond. 

Donning a pair of rubber gloves, Kaito sets to cleaning the utilities area of any food stains, bits of rubbish and dust that may be accumulating. As he scrubs and sprays surface cleaner, the clerk (god, what was her name?) came rushing in to him and quietly beckoned him to come into the back room.

His parents are in the room, eyes glued to the TV when they see it. The newscaster is discussing some documents that have been given to them, recording how the 1986 Peak Collapse was caused not by the Black Brigades but rather Tyrak and his government. Kaito finds himself unable to speak. And as the story progresses, they hear how the dictator had been arrested for his crimes, how Senator Florres won her election campaign and pledged to make amends with many of the citizens of Petria and break down barriers set by the corrupt class system and its equally awful upholders.

“Holy shit.” His father swore. Kaito didn’t know the man even knew how to swear. Learn something new every day.

“I imagine you guys will want some time to process this. Finish up what you’re doing now and take the rest of the night off.” The woman, whom Kaito notices has a name tag saying ‘Arlene’ speaks softly to the boy before she walks into another smaller connecting room to take a call.

The family turn to one another. This day, this day that they could never imagined would happen, had indeed happened.

“Go on Kaito.” Anzu looked ready to burst into tears, her hands shook in her husband’s and she hunched over to take a deep breath. Kaito looked over at her, and wrapped his arms around her and his dad before agreeing and leaving.

.

In the smaller private room with only a filing cabinet, a yellow radio and a landline, Arlene dials a number she’s committed to memory but still keeps a post it note for. The phone line rings out and nobody takes the call, so she hangs up and just stands there.

Right now she wants to speak to John. Wants to tell him it’s all been worth it, to say thank you for what he and Conny and Stephen and Naomi had done for her all those years ago.

See, she knew what the deal with people that came to her establishment per recommendation of Mr Ursus was. Having been a Brigade as long as she was, she knew what it was like to be scared and looking for a new life.

The dictatorships of Petria had turned what could have been a good place to live into a nightmare for the reserved many.

The Brigades in their early days helped her get out, but she couldn’t bring herself to completely abandon her roots. Something about the hope John had for the future for many had drawn her to staying as a contact for the cause.

This motel had been abandoned when she took it under her wing for dirt cheap from a businessman desperate to get it sold off. And it had taken some time and perseverance, but things were going in such a way that they could keep the business running.

She was happy to spend a while longer here, until there was a guarantee that Tyrak and those alike could never ruin Petria as much as it already had been. And she’d use this place to help those John brought to her.

She’d give them employment as their new self, something to have a reference of for when they spread their wings and flew out of the nest. Rule number one, everyone gets a second chance at life. Rule number two, whoever you were before you came to her was irrelevant.

Arlene takes a deep breath and takes hold of the radio, putting it in one of the black plastic bags she always keeps in the cabinet. Tonight she is celebrating, she’s not sure how, but she is. Once night shift comes in; she’ll let them know the good news if they haven’t already heard.

.

When Kaito returns home, there are grapes and strawberries in one bowl and a huge serving of pasta and sauce in another. There’s also a bottle of cider on the desk that he nearly asks about but his mother smiles “Arlene is very kind.”

As Kaito cheekily asks if he is included in the kindness, Anzu follows up with “maybe our kindness, but not hers.” And the younger realises that’s the first time in a long time that he has heard his mom make a joke (though he knows she’s completely serious).

They eat happily that evening, and still have a nicely stocked fridge for the next few days. Tyrak is hopefully suffering tremendously and people might not have to sneak out of Petria anymore.

Kaito finds himself a little bitter that his family had to worry for so long only for a few months later to bring new hope. Only a little though. Kaito Lin was born in poverty, raised in poverty and saw people’s darkness far too often. Kaito Lin can rest easy now and Kaito Chen will carry on for him.

Maybe that, in itself, is the greatest gift he can receive.

.

And if the Chen family smile a little more often as they work the days after, well that’s not for Arlene to judge.

.

It was late September when Daw and Anzu were finishing their shifts when they saw her in the lobby. Zoe Muller, but not as they remembered her. Now she seemed different, not just because of the piercings and tattoo, but something about her seemed knowing right now. And she must have recognised the duo too because Arlene looked between the trio, lingering on the Chen’s as if to ask if they needed her to do something.

When Daw greeted Zoe with a simple “hello. You are looking well.” Arlene figured they might be okay, and left to go take care of some paperwork, sliding a set of keys to Zoe and taking a few dollar bills into the back room.

Zoe was at a slight loss for words seeing Daw and Anzu in attire that wasn’t the blue Petria workers uniform. They looked content in their grey sweats and plain tops. She took a moment to compose herself and approached the duo, keeping a slight distance between them as if she were afraid they’d reject her.

“I-I. I’m sorry.” She spologises.

“We know.” Daw comments. Kaito had told them what happened when they got into the car after Robert’s hissy fit.

“If you wish to see Kaito, he will likely be around. He likes the view on the porch steps.”

Zoe nods, fear and elation caught in her throat. She hadn’t expected the Lin family to be here. She knows John mentioned having a contact running a motel, but what were the odds of this one being the exact one that her best friend and his family would go to?

“I’d like that.” She smiles. She lets them leave first just as Arlene returns to the front and gives her a knowing look.

“Got some catching up to do or apologisin’?”

“Yes.” Zoe notes, and leaves. Arlene chuckles to herself, wondering what on earth John would say to all of this.

.

Kaito was wearing a green and orange shirt when Zoe saw him sitting on one of the remaining plastic chairs at the foot of the porch. She couldn’t tell if he was sat outside his own room or not but there he was.

He seemed at peace, a crossword book in his hand and a pencil in the other.

“K?” The nickname seems foreign on her tongue. And when the boy turns to her, he can’t help but take in Zoe’s appearance. Eyebrow and numerous lobe piercings, shorter hair and the bird tattoo she’d once had him trace was now permanent ink.

“Z?” he doesn’t seem to quite believe his eyes, setting down the book and standing up to properly determine he wasn’t imagining things.

“Can I sit?” she motions to the porch space next to him. He nods, and then they realise that they’re not the same teens they were a few months ago.

“You got that tattoo eh?” Kaito motions to her shoulder. She’s taken aback. There doesn’t seem to be animosity in his voice. And his eyes aren’t analysing or glaring. In fact, the boy before her is what she imagines Kaito would have been like if his life in Petria had been different.

His dimples are more prominent too, and here he is. As real as can be.

“You were right K. you were always right, and I was so wrong, and-“

“I know.” He muses.

Kaito neither forgive Zoe, nor did he not forgive her. It was a grey area of understanding and knowing that everyone was hurting. Granted he wished they’d left on better terms, but it is what it is and they’re here now.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Kaito finishes. “I’m sorry too. For hurting you back then.”

Zoe forgave Kaito the moment she read the file, but in the spirit of the conversation, she made that vocal and while it wasn’t an immediate patch up of their friendship, it was a start.

“So how are things? I saw the news.” The raven haired boy asks as they stare at each other, noting changes here and there. “Florres won.”

“Yeah, she did. People decided change needed to be given a chance. She’s mild, but she’ll need to be strong to keep her promises. She has potential.”

“Well if the footage of the riots is anything to go by, I think she’ll be desperate to prevent being on the receiving end of that.” Kaito mused, but the way he looked at her said there were unsaid things.

“And how are you?” he went with.

“Depends. There’s a lot of things happening all at once. I think I should give you full disclosure that technically I may or may not be a Brigade…” Zoe starts off and the look Kaito gives her is frozen in the shock. It’s not mouth open, jaw on the floor but the way his eyes nearly pop out of his skull and he whispers “you fucking what?” certainly say something.

“You were right K. The government were lying the whole time. It was the only way I’d have the means to get the story out there!”

“You could have gotten hurt or worse.” Kaito harshly reminded her. “You’re not indestructible.”

“Maybe! But if it meant other people didn’t have to say goodbye to their loved ones, it was worth the risk!” Zoe slammed her hand on the porch floor. “The worst thing I ever did was not saying goodbye to you and I’m not letting anyone else go through that.”

The eighteen year old watched her backpack topple onto its side, the trombone and skates tied to it made a noise. Her friend? Ex-friend? Best friend? Looked at the stuff with something akin to yearning. It had be a while since he skated around.

“You know, the field over there isn’t too sandy.” Kaito stood up and walked behind him into the room. For a few minutes, Zoe wasn’t sure what he was planning until he came out in plainer clothes with his board tucked under his arm.

“Bear in mind, I’m a little out of practice.” Kaito quickly defends, and Zoe’s relieved. “But is now the time for skating?” she’s hesitant to say all is forgiven just yet.

“Was it ever the time for skating back there?” he shrugs. “…unless someone’s out there chasing you?” he eyes her and she shakes her head. Most- if not all- authorities are too busy trying to gain public forgiveness or repair the extensive damage of the past three weeks of rioting.

“Unpack your stuff and let’s go!”

.

Not all has been forgotten or forgiven, but it’s one step at a time.

.

It’s coming to the end of the summer of 1999 when the Chen family make a huge decision to leave the motel and head further up. They’ve made some good memories in this small unassuming area and found many an interesting store in the town up ahead, but they’re ready to spread their wings and fly.

Arlene sits them down in her backroom office to say goodbye. A litre bottle of some flavoured water and some crisps are in a little carrier bag that she shuffles over to them. “You three have been real good company here, I’ll miss y’all. You promise to take care, you hear me?”

Anzu smiled and takes her hand to shake it. “We will. Thank you, for everything you’ve done for us. We truly can’t thank you enough.”

Arlene waves her hand. “Nonsense, you just be sure to live a happy life however you can. Don’t go becoming assholes though; I’ll never forgive you for that.” She cackles. She knows they’re good people at heart. This world ain’t made to be easy if you’re too kind, but after what they’ve been through, she’s sure they’ll figure something out.

“As long as I’m here, this place will always be open for you. Just ask for Arlie.” Arlie is a nickname she let’s an absolute select few use. Most are Brigades but the people they send to her get to share that privilege if she sees fit.

(What she doesn’t mention explicitly is how she added a little extra to their final paychecks, nor does she mention the post it note with her number on it. A smile is scrawled in the bottom corner and a tiny ‘be safe!’ written with it. She really wants them to do well, as she does all who are sent to her).

.

Kaito asks Arlene to let Zoe know that they’re leaving. He’s not sure where though.

.

“Yeah, the baby birds are finally flying the coop.” Arlene feels like a mother hen watching her kids move out. “Kaito wanted me to let you know that much. Somewhere beyond here. He’ll figure it out.”

.

It’s early the next morning when the family have their boxes and bags filled and they make their way out of the parking lot. There’s a gas station in the little town up ahead, so they stop there to fill up the car and extra gas can they have in the boot. Mount National is further behind them than it was before. Daw keeps driving. The family decided that they’ll stay in one of the towns further on their journey.

The place itself is within the Western Sea side of the map called Anamesa. It’s a fair distance away from the seaside town of Thalassa; so the cost of living isn’t too bad. Not as cheap as the motel afforded them, but you could see something for what you spent.

They live in their car while paperwork is sorted out for the little two bed house they choose.

It’s a humble house, in need of some care though. The back garden is covered in weeds and dandelions, inside the paint is chipped in places and the only furnishings remaining of the old tenants in the house are the wardrobe in one bedroom, a dull white washing machine and a brown leather sofa that creaked when you sat on it. (They definitely did not get their deposit back).

But this is their fourth home. And they love it already.

(Daw finds a phone booth a few roads away and calls the number on the now found note to wish Arlene well and let her know they’re settling in as best they can).

.

Finding work takes some time, so they try to get many affairs sorted like opening bank accounts, getting registered to vote in the area and all that. The phone booth did not know what hit it. They live very frugally for the time being until some full time cleaning jobs open up and Anzu and Daw go for them. Arlene giving them both a glowing set of references when she receives the call from the employment agency, practically tells them they’re lucky the Chen’s want to work for them because they were so good to Arlene’s business.

The probation period of the job lasts three months, so the duo make sure they’re present on time at every shift, even if the hours they’re away from home are very long. It’s somewhat lonely for Kaito who uses his sudden free time to sort out things at home like clearing the back garden and trying to find his own feet, searching through numerous newspaper ads for what this place has to offer.

As of December 1999, that is working as a kitchen porter for a fast food place.

It’s then in the Friday newspaper in January of 2000 when Daw mentions to Kaito that he saw an ad in a paper detailing how to apply for GED examinations. His mother and father have a high school education and they wanted to make sure he had as much of a foundation in life as he could.

They didn’t tiger parent him about it, but did express they’d never been able to forgive themselves for being the reason Kaito dropped out when he had a good head on his shoulders and could use it. Kaito doesn’t argue with them, but he does try to dilute their feelings of guilt by mentioning how the school was probably going to close anyway after the Vice Principal was arrested for having Brigade affiliations.

(It’s true. Well, except for the school closing. Tyrak just dumped a heap of his goons there to make sure people kept silent about any anti-government slander. Everyone hated everyone there. Who knows if the place does even still exist by now).

So Kaito does as the newspaper says. His mom got a landline phone with the first paycheck she got for that month and he calls the number to register his interest. He’ll need to take a couple tests so they can determine if he would be eligible for the programme with any chance of passing at the end. Hopefully work won’t be arses about him needing to switch his hours. (They kind of are, but they don’t fire him so he guesses it’s a win?)

Daw used his pay on the monthly rent and the utilities while Anzu focused on things like necessities and getting their house slowly done up. Kaito would often buy some bits of food, but his parents urged him to make sure he was saving bits away (and had any necessary text books he’d need for his studies).

Kaito passes his pre-study exams and is accepted onto the programme. The cost of the programme is not at all as daunting as he’d imagined it to be, but he dips into the small savings fund he’d assembled from his motel cleaning wages, promising himself to put it back over the year.

The library is an hour away, so Kaito decides to get all the books he can in the one sitting and gets a library card sorted while he’s there. (He’s amazed at how real the fake IDs are and wonders whether Robert had some dirt on someone in the profession. Even the birth certificates are frighteningly real… though the fact the only differences on them to his genuine documents is the family surname and very minor details is funny to him in some respects).

Maybe he ought to consider some home workouts. The books were heavy, but the librarian was at least 20 years older than him and wielded them without fuss.

.

One year passes and by the time it’s May of 2001, not only does Kaito pass the GED examinations, but his Walkman kicks the bucket after four years of faithful use. Mp3 players are coming into the market, but their price tag are a little steep for his liking, so he finds a little shop on the high street and gets a second hand one for $90 dollars. (It lasts a year and a half).

Thankfully, some other things the Chen’s have acquired over that time are lasting way longer. The dressers and the bed bases are holding up well, as is the TV. Pretty much all of their furniture is from a charity stores around the town, the only exception to the rule is the mattresses on their beds. Anzu never trusted second hand fabric focused upholstery because of how easily germs could settle inside it and you wouldn’t know.

It’s why all their furniture can be wiped or in the very least is water resistant.

Daw and Anzu work early mornings and sometimes a few hours in the evenings, so they don’t have forever to sit around and take in the sights, but one of the rare times their rota means they work bulk hours over a few days, they use their time off to sit in the garden with a couple cheap beers in hand and watch the sun slowly dip down over the hours. Today, they decide that the day can be lazy. Dinner isn’t anything huge, just a bowl of pasta and sauce.

Kaito returns home from work with some fries from work and for some reason, a handful of the little toys usually included in the kid’s meals.

“They just looked goofy.” He shrugs. “And they were getting rid of them because of the new theme or something.”

The little toys sit on his windowsill in the corner and remain there for many years to come until Kaito takes his own next step in life and moves into a little studio apartment.

.

As more years pass, it’s soon May 2006. Ten years since they fled Petria.

Anzu and Daw remain working with the agency that hired them in ’99, however they move house as one closer to some hiking fields becomes available. Kaito goes from kitchen porter to hotel receptionist for a small chain. The hours are slightly under full time, but it gives him enough to pay his bills, he has some small tattoos too. Nothing major- just lineart of Mount National on his left clavicle and a skateboard on his inner arm.

He has a few friends too; or at least people he talks to enough. They’re kind. He doesn’t tell them a great deal about himself other than things he’s learned about himself post-1996 and that his family moved there after finding themselves in awe with the fields. It’s partly true.

He gets a TV, a Playstation 2 and a mobile phone (though to be fair, he gets them on a monthly credit pay back plan so it’s not a huge chunk of luxurious spending in one go). He gets Arlene’s phone number from his family so he can call her, because he’s mature enough now to independently put into words his gratitude to her and to John. The number still leads to her, her voice is heavy with smoking and age, but the smile in her voice is just as prominent as it was years ago. She’s happy to let Kaito know that Mr Ursus found love in his life. She also mentions a few things she’s learned over time.

“I think I got a couple years left here before I try fly the coop, if I’m bein’ honest with you.”

“For real?”

“Yeah. Florres seems to be doing okay enough at her job; Petria isn’t as huge a shitshow nowadays. It still has a lot of progress to make, but democracy is doing its best. I ain’t movin’ down there though. Been there, done that- got the t-shirt. I wanna see what life’s got to offer elsewhere.”

Arlene is smiling on the phone as she looks at a few leaflets she has for different places to visit beyond the border. People come and go out of this place, they want to see the Petria of the news stories or they’re finally visiting away from there. She’s got a good team of people. She’s thinking of turning ownership over to her night shift lot, maybe expanding this place to other areas. Who knows?

Kaito runs a hand through his shorter hair and inhales through his teeth to ask “Have you heard from Zoe?” last they saw each other was when they both ran into the plains opposite the motel to skate. Kaito still has his board too. Sometimes he regrets not continuing using it, he’s pretty sure his balance is shot to shit and he’d fall if he tried to use it, but he keeps it as a memory.

On a plus side, he knows for a fact he could carry those GED textbooks without complaining if the situation called for it.

“A while back. She sounds well in herself. I can pass along your details to her if you want. She’s probably travelling at the moment.”

Kaito nods. “That’d be nice. Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it kid. You keep yourself well, pop down here if you can. We still got some good cola.”

“Aha, I’ll try. I won’t promise though. But if you do decide to go travelling, come up to Anamesa. We got good beers here.”

“Oh my god. You’re still a baby, why are you drinking?”

“I’m 26.”

“You’ll always be a baby to me.” Arlene pauses. “Keep yourself well Kaito. Your parents are proud of you. I hope you’re proud of them.”

“I am. I really am. Thanks. See you later!”

“Good. Take care!” Arlene hangs up.

.

A month later, Kaito receives a text message.

‘It’s Zoe! Call me!”

And he does. And he hears how the years have deepened her voice slightly, but her experiences have humbled it.

They decide to meet up that week.

.

And when they do, there’s an explosion of emotions. They talk and laugh and smile. They go see a movie, they go out for a meal, mobile phones allow them to take photos so easily and they have fun pulling stupid faces into the tiny lens, hands twisting awkwardly so the camera can actually focus on them.

She offers to stay in a hotel so she can stay in Anamesa a while longer, but he offers her his apartment. So they get some snacks and drinks and they act like the apartment is their old construction yard hideout. Kaito has a few games so they hook them up and joke about things and it’s all just amazing.

Zoe thinks that they needed to be adults to be able to do this, that the pain of their parting ways was too fresh in the 90s. Time didn’t erase what happened; it just put a few things into perspective.

Her style has changed slightly again. Her hair remains shoulder length and loose, but she also has some blonde highlights in her bangs. She still has her eyebrow piercing and the numerous ones in her lobes, all adorning purple earrings; however the addition of a new nose piercing is also noticed.

Kaito knows she has more tattoos, though the only bit he’s seen to indicate that is a few stars he saw on her lower arm. She’s long abandoned her full on ripped alien top- punk skater girl look and gone for a white tank, blue denim jacket and green ¾ khakis.

Kaito wouldn’t particularly say his own sense of style was all that different from his youth, granted he owned more formal clothing now (shirts, and a couple trousers and a blazer). Most of his clothes were plain black for his job, but outside of that, he was mostly a comfortable clothes kind of guy. And none of them had holes in them.

They’re playing one of the Street Fighter games and Kaito is getting his ass kicked for the fifth time in a row when he makes a request.

“What if we went on a road trip?”

“Hmn?” Zoe’s turned to him but is still button mashing and Kaito considers knocking it out of her hand so he can land a few hits in. He chose not to because of maturity and shit, but he pauses it and that’s just as good.

“You know, rent a car and go out on the roads for a week in summer. See what else there is to this place?” last time he said something similar was in relation to escaping Petria, but this idea is about enjoying life. Making memories. His life here is amazing, but he wants to see more things.

Zoe seems to take a few minutes to ponder the idea and Kaito regrets even asking until the woman asks if he can drive and if he has the time. Because while she personally does, what with working as a freelance travel writer and pretty much funding her life with the savings fund she’d transferred into an entirely separate bank (the privilege of her rich upbringing, she’d not lie); it feels only fair for her to check he’s in a comfortable position to do so.

“I have plenty of remaining hours. Only have a few days booked for use so far.” He shrugged.

Zoe nodded wordlessly as she considered the idea. She vaguely remembered the last time Kaito had said something similar back in White Sands, back when it had been hidden with the intention of fleeing a terrible place.

“Zoe?” Kaito quietly asks and she blinks a few times, straightening her back before her expression relaxes and she nods at him. “I don’t think I can say no to that.” She smiles, holding up her can of beer for a toast. And as the night continues on, Kaito offers her his bed but she opts for the sofa. He has an early start the next morning, but finishes after lunch so they can talk about other stuff when he gets back.

.

Zoe was awake when Kaito left out for work at quarter past five. Leaving his keys on the side after unlocking the door, he waves her a “later Z!” and she returns it with a “later K!”

.

The sun was bright even at its early rising, the heat wasn’t yet unbearable. And as Kaito sat on the bus to work, he truly felt like he had what he’d yearned for most in life.

.

A lot of elements of this are based on Google searches for things that were applicable to America in the specific years I mention during this story. I may not have all the details correct, so I apologise for any mistakes I may have made.

I didn’t know whether their new IDs would change their names completely, partially or just different details instead, so I chose to only change the family surname, any other details that could/would be changed are down to your interpretation.

Arlene was not a character I thought I’d write about in this as much as I did, but she grew on me.

In respect to Thalassa and Anamesa; I searched Petria’s meaning online and the first result I got said it was the Greek word for ‘rock’. Following that, I decided to find the word for ‘sea’ (thus Thalassa and it being a seaside town) and Anamesa is noted as an adverb meaning ‘between’ (and I wanted it to be placed in between a bunch of other towns/cities).

Also an extra I wanted to include but Kaito definitely got his tattoos done by an apprentice artist (based entirely on my first tattoo being done by an apprentice).

Maybe things have been unrealistic in this story, but I love happy endings. I’m not the best writer out there, but I had a lot of fun writing this. It became way longer than I had in mind but it is what it is.

[candycryptids]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ╰(´︶`)╯♡

;0;! Oh jeez ok ☀️ 😌

Frogs- this one might be kinda obvious I guess based on my blog title and all but I really like frogs and toads and tadpoles I think they’re really fascinating little critters and every time I learn something new about frogs it makes me feel all sparkly. Like they swallow when they blink- because their eyes go down into the body and it squishes food down their throat. Isn’t that WILD? Nature is so cool. (-unfortunately there’s one Toad I can’t stand because the way she carries her babies makes me freak out. Sorry Suriname Toad! If trypophobia is a problem for you don’t look her up 🥰)

Scented Plushies- I love… being able to smush my face into a soft plush animal and smell a pleasant smell. (I like sweet/fruity/pastry kinda smells) It’s like… IDK I have a bunch of them in my bed with me so I can pick one to cozy up with and it helps me sleep? (I have to sleep with a plush animal anyways, the way I sleep I’ll fuck up my shoulders if I don’t have Little Guy Support lol.) but also uh. Yeah Build A Bear has insertable smells and they last for like ever and they’re really pleasant ;; my favorite I think is their seasonal Pumpkin Spice, but I also really loved their other seasonal, Sunken Treasure, it was like, mango-y …

Pork Katsu- whenever we make it at home it’s kind of a special occasion cos it takes some doin, tryin stuff yk, but it’s always SO GOOD… we never have enough leftovers for Katsudon the next day lmfao. Oh there’s also a little restaurant inside the Hmart we go to, they do Katsu Sandwiches? And they come with a Fruit Sando too (it’s filled with seasonal fresh fruit and whip cream and it’s SO PRETTY and tastes SOOOO good.) gotta be one of my top tens of food (both kinda of sandwich LOL, but also just Pork Katsu. I group them together mentally as one thing in my brain 🤔)

Dark Chocolate Terry’s Orange - already drooling thinkin about that Winter only treat auuuuu…. It’s just so good, and it’s easy to snack off of for like, weeks. Cos you slap it on the table a bunch and it has a bunch of fake orange wedges made of dark chocolate to Nomf on. If you like chocolate and Orange you should try one once, I think they’re pretty great! I think some off-brands also makes like, ones with fillings like mint and raspberry? They’re pretty decent too from what I remember… (oops.. double food Happies. Well.! Food makes me happy!!!)

Leaving my Rambling Gushing Tags on peoples art also makes me really happy tbh it’s just not something I can condense into one-two words for the bold and color format I started - lol. But I for real get so excited seeing the stuff people create (I count gpose as art actually, it’s a creative outlet!!! Art!!) and I don’t have a LOT of art technical terms- it’s been a while since high school so I don’t even fully remember the terms they taught me back then- but I’m still like. Idk I see a cool shot, or a piece of art, and my heart becomes like, thunderstorm on the ocean, crash boom!!!!! So I write a bunch of tags pointing out what I like and what I think (with restraint, sometimes, I try not to thirst tag too heavily since I don’t want to make people uncomfortable and like. Block me LMFAO then I wouldn’t get to see their cool characters/art anymore yk) and I just. I hope it makes them happy too? But thinking that it might/does make them happy to get ramble excited tags (cos I do Lmfao) makes me really happy too? Idk. I just wanna put out good energy on people’s stuff. Encourage them to keep pursuing their hobbies? They cared enough to post it so others could see it which meant they wanted to show others, rather than not posting it all and keeping it to themselves, and, idk. This got really long LOL. I just have a lot of feelings about this i guess. Ty for sending this ask btw it’s been fun to answer ;w;

[monstrsball]

hi kennedy :3 i am curious about the karasuno adults™ in your pokemon au :3 if there's any you have thoughts about do share please

hi ash :3 i DO have thoughts about some of them. uh. read more because this is gonna be long probably.

takeda - pokemon professor!! he’s focused on evolution, specifically studying eevees and all of their eeveelutions. only because i wanted a reason for all of the karasuno third years to have an eeveelution haha. but i also think it kind of makes sense? maybe.

ukai - so… i’m actually unsure of what i want to do with them. my notes say a professor too but idk how i feel about that. i might just make him a store owner lol. and maybe make his grandpa a former gym leader who was forced to retire? but that i’m not sure of because i feel like that would lead to him becoming one too and idk if i want to have three different ppl from karasuno as gym leaders lol. would be interested to hear people’s thoughts though!!! always open to ideas.

tenma - gym leader!! flying-type! still a manga artist on the side though :3 tbh he probably prioritizes his manga career more than being a gym leader. i kinda like the idea of akaashi still being the one who has to wrangle him in this au. but instead of it being related to his manga, it’s related to his duties as a gym leader. people always think akaashi is the gym leader cause he’s the first face they see but then tenma comes out and they’re like “Oh” BUT this i’m not sure of. i don’t think this will actually work age-wise. (but you know… tenma’s handler being a teenager is kind of a funny idea. i just don’t know why akaashi would be there)

unfortunately i still haven’t picked a team for him lol.

akiteru - a trainer at tenma’s gym! i’m still trying to sort out what exactly it is that he lied to tsukishima about in this au but it’s probably related to this? not sure! i don’t have a team for him either.

saeko - fighting type gym leader!!! naturally :) this one isn’t as rambly cause i’m very set on her role and there isn’t much to say about it? gym leader. cool lady.

her team: bewear, medicham, hitmonchan*, mienshao, machamp, throh*

* = would like to mention that tanaka has a tyrogue and a sawk :3 because i think that’s cute.

miwa - ok so i don’t think she would be considered a karasuno adult but she is kageyama’s older sister so i’m talking about her anyway. another gym leader!! leaning towards dark-type for her! i haven’t figured out her team either :/

i think the only ones i had given 0 thought to were takinoue and shimada. but i now have thoughts! they are gay married and both still own their respective stores (takinoue’s electronics & shimada mart). takinoue has an ampharos & shimada has a sunflora.

i might come back later with full teams for them because i can see them both being retired trainers who did the gym challenge when they were young. (this way i can still incorporate shimada being a mentor for yamaguchi too - kinda why i picked a grass type for him)

i think that’s everyone? i hope i didn’t miss anyone. (but if i did, that means i didn’t have any thoughts about them in my notes anyway lol) thanks for asking!!! i haven’t rlly talked about any of them yet so it was fun to write out my ideas so far for them.

[seiwas]

coming outta nowhere to ask just this;

so are Gojo and Col reader like polar opposites or something? or do they share similarities like hobbies and that sort of stuff, personality etc etc?

what exactly made them gravitate towards one another and bond? what is col reader and what do they have that made Gojo go "they're the one"?

sorry if this is a silly question!

hi nonie!! thanks for dropping by and asking abt col 🥺

thinking very carefully how to answer this without giving too much away while also making sure not to explicitly state the meanings behind all the subtleties i included in col!! this got rlly long omg sorry!!!

i wouldn’t call gojo and col reader as polar opposites! i’d say reader’s personality falls under a type that complements gojo’s if anything (so not too different, but not too similar too).

i think both gojo and reader are adventurous in their own ways!! gojo’s a lot more enthusiastic, while reader might be a bit more quiet abt it!! so if we’re talking about hobbies, gojo might be the type to tell people to do x, y, z with him, and reader would be more the type to explore things on their own but wouldn’t be opposed to trying anything they’re asked to!!

if you’re asking about compatibility, i think reader is easygoing in that way! that they’re able to go along w gojo’s antics (especially when they were younger)!

sorry if my answer to that is a bit roundabout (?) i think personalities are so complex in that it’s really impossible to tell what exactly constitutes as opposites, esp since there are so many configurations and nuances to a person!! which!!! is something i hope i’m able to convey in my writing!!

i’ve mentioned a bit in col about who fell first, and how their bond runs for a bit over a decade; but i’ve also been careful not to disclose too much because i have another col fic in development that’ll brush on how they were in highschool until their mid-20’s! it’ll be set before any of the currently released col pieces (‘col #0’ in short).

in col #0 i alr planned to touch on a few of the things you asked!! but it’ll be more of reader’s perspective!! so it’ll answer more of: what does col reader see in gojo?; i think col so far has been a lot of gojo’s feelings that i kind of wanted to explore the other of it!! aka reader’s feelings hehe to balance it out

ultimately, when i think of col reader i think of them as someone extremely patient, caring, and understanding—but ofc that’s not all that they are! they’re also strong, honest, and brave and many more that make up reader as a whole!! so it’s a bit tricky to answer your question about what exactly it is about them that made gojo think ‘they’re the one’ bc!! i think, much like real life, it’ll probably be smth along the lines of ~not anything in particular, but just how they are entirely! personality, shared experiences (memories), quirks, and hobbies and all!

(i’ve talked about this all with niku and tbh! she did make a point that sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with!! so as much as it’s nice to have all these reasons, i think i like that idea too 🥺 that!! while a part of their love makes sense, and is easily explained, there’s also a part that’s just!! ‘idk why i feel this way exactly, but i do, and it feels good and i like it, because it’s you’ y’know? 🥺)

on a sidenote too!! at this point in col, while gojo has entertained ideas of ‘forever’ i think he’s still at that stage where it’s just that—still just entertaining it, thinking about it! not that he isn’t sure about reader, because he is!! it’s more of… if he’s sure about himself and if this is something he’s going to take into his own hands to finally put a stamp on!! (it’s a bit hard to explain omg i hope you understand 😭 it’s basically a lot of his internal stuff, navigating how he goes about coming to terms with his own personal commitment and whether he thinks he’s at a good spot to be ready for reader, u feel?) col #5 will touch on this a lot

sorry i rambled omg but i hope i somewhat answered your question!! thank you so much for asking nonie 🥺 it’s very timely to my wips!!

[aroace-poly-show]

thanks for enabling me <3

uhh major omori spoilers btw 👍 and also tw for suicide. i hope i can coherently explain my thoughts. my opinion btw. i’m gonna sound dumb i’m sorry i’m thinking about this too hard but please be nice to me <3

anyway my favorite area in terms of spook factor in omori is the red maze.

the red maze is a secretish area in omori, in black space 2 specifically. i think thats kinda notable. black space 1 and 2 are like repressed trauma headquarters.

the maze looks like this first going in. creepy ass fucking tree. (fun fact. the full area has a spot that looks like a noose hanging from a tree, and another spot that says “kill me”. fun.)

in the area you can find little toasts floating around. toasts are what a party member becomes when they hit 0 hp.

letting them touch you turns the screen black for a split second, then they become this:

little pixel hanging maris following you around in the dark. how fun.

letting them touch you makes you take damage. you can’t die though, lowest you can get is 1 hp. continuing to let them touch you though after a while makes them turn into this:

mari but worse. fun. 👍

these are referred to as manniquen mari in game. letting them touch you makes them scream and turn into the thing on the left:

and theres a lot of them that chase you around in the dark. screaming. this area is super fun and not stressful at all. 

a bonus: continuing to run around in the dark like this with them chasing you prompts a text box. it keeps popping up randomly once you’ve been here a while. it says the following:

(ignore the big face to the side. that is a glitch, it’s not supposed to happen. i had to get this from a different yt video since i can’t transfer videos/photos from my switch right now 💔)

the red maze makes me so fucking anxious this shit scares me so badly. i hated being here but also i really liked it cause i at least think its a really cool horror thing. its a part of this horror game that actually really scared me. got me really anxious. good job omori 👍

also unless you can find your way out or find a way to one of the ladders you’re stuck in the dark with the hellmaris and screaming and guilt. unless you decide to stab yourself. which you can of course do. 

 a side note, and tw for animal abuse/death and lots of mentions of suicide: the way this game can make you like. get used to and even prefer suicide as an option is something i think about sometimes. like the mewo room (i forgot what its actually called) where it gives you the option to either stab yourself or cut mewo open is so fucked up cause you can be almost RELIEVED to see that you can stab yourself instead of cutting open mewo. idk. its a thing i think about sometimes. (technically there isn’t really a choice cause cutting open mewo does nothing, and you still have to stab yourself anyway but like. this still applies to the red maze. you could go through the anxiety of trying to find a way out in this maze but its easier to die which is SUCH a fucking thing i think about. like. idk. yeah just a thought 👍)

this area is like. interesting to me. its such a heavily repressed area, since it’s a secretish area in repressed trauma headquarters part 2. this is on the hikkikomori route, where sunny never faces the truth and idk i like this area cause it genuinely gets me really anxious and i like the scary factor and also cause its like more of the game showing no matter what the truth will always haunt sunny. the guilt and trauma of what happened will always be there, heavily repressed but still there, in the very back of sunny’s mind. “look at what you’ve done.” idk i think that like really emphasizes the guilt. also to me it also makes the player feel kinda guilty especially if you’ve already done the sunny route/good ending. look at what you did, look at what your choice has led to. (i did another whole ramble on a similar note but about playing forever and what i think about it. i like playing forever a lot btw :3)

i think its pretty clear that what happened and mari’s death will always haunt sunny just from how the hikkikomori route ends (with sunny leaving the house, something still following him into the car to his new house), but idk i think its cool how much stuff in black space 2 really really emphasizes how much this will always haunt sunny no matter how much he tries to repress it. there’s more i wanna talk about but again i can’t get my screenshots rn 💔

anyway. bonus areas from the red maze i’d like to mention:

^ these are in one area, down a really really REALLY long chain of ladders. the hellmari face is what you find at the very end. i wanna talk about the toy box (second photo, thats what the box is.) 

the toybox is where, in the route where you find the truth, you find sunny’s old violin. on this route though, its locked. you can’t open it. you can’t even interact with it. its just there. idk. its another detail i like. the violin that is so heavily tied with the truth is in this secret very repressed area, locked and completely unable to be interacted with. the key that sunny needed to face the truth and omori is in there, but he’ll never even touch that box. its buried under layers and layers of repression.

^ this area is called faces of omori. if you can see in the background, a chart of omori’s expressions is there, it scrolls down quickly ingame. a thing i wanna note, iirc, it also has faces for omori’s scared emotion. it was cut and never used in game but i think thats a cool detail. anyway i have absolutely no fucking clue what this area is about. but i think it’s cool 👍

uh i feel like i was just repeating myself a lot. sorry. i am not great at analysis but i think about this game all the time and i wanted to unleash my thoughts at least semi coherently 👍

[alwaysspeakshermind]

VARCHIE APPRECIATION WEEK: DAY [1] 

(yes this is over a year late but I SAID I was gonna do this & do this I shall welcome to useralwaysspeakshermind’s version of varchieaw2021 coming to you live in 2023 right before RD’s final season begins)

I’ve said before, probably the last time I did a Varchie Appreciation Week, that I’m not really confident in choosing one favorite scene or quote related to this couple, and that’s purely because they have so MANY that I love. Like, to be honest, there just isn’t a clear winner for me; not because I’m indecisive, but because I can make a strong case for every single one I gravitate toward. So the two I went with here are quotes that are special to me for what they symbolize in the storyline. I personally adore couples that flip typical gender roles on their head, and Varchie (despite the occasional narrative stumble for Alleged Reasons Of Drama) is an absolutely stellar example of that, particularly when it comes to the opposing ways in which they process emotion.

Archie, for instance, is Mr. Feelings. Whatever it is...love, hate, hope, despair, happiness, sadness, anger, etc., he embraces it (or it embraces him) full throttle. He catches a lot (like, a LOT a lot) of heat from all sides of the Riverdale fandom for it, in a way that’s kind of hilarious to me because of how thoroughly he’s condemned for essentially giving into his emotions in the same kind of scenarios that (I won’t name names for the sake of not turning a post that’s meant to celebrate my ship into a negative, mudslinging campaign) certain leading female characters from certain shows and certain movies and certain books are fiercely defended for crumbling in.

[Note: this is not a misogynistic condemnation of female emotion, an attempt to devalue the importance of female characters being allowed to voice their feelings, any internalized acceptance of the antiquated patriarchal presupposition that Girls Are Too Emotional And Should Be Criticized Or Laughed At For “Overreacting,” OR a move to defend fictional white men. This is merely an expression of my deep fascination with the whole “We need more portrayals of male characters showing emotion!” train somehow screeching to a halt the second a guy in fiction who apparently doesn’t fit enough of the acceptable Is Allowed To Have Feelings parameters like, you know...actually shows emotion? And makes decisions rooted in that emotion? Decisions that frequently don’t make sense? As decisions rooted in emotion typically fail to?]

[Note #2: at the end of the day, this is just me explaining why I love some quotes in a CW show. However dramatic I get, it is not that deep, it has never been that deep, and it never will be that deep. I’m just wordy and I love to analyze, and Archie and Veronica provide me with a lot of excellent material.]

He’s not very good at putting what he feels into words, he tends to want to keep people happy to an extent that makes him less careful with himself, and he’s so impulsive that he can go from 0-100 on the road to self-destruction faster than most people can even locate the gas pedal. In addition to all that, he’s surrounded by people that frequently take his happy-go-lucky, Boy Next Door/Dumb Jock act at face value...and then resent when he fails to meet those preconceived notions. When his dad gets shot, the fear, shock, and anger he feels takes over until he’s reacting in ways that make no logical sense to an outsider, but all the sense to him. Veronica, as the person who accompanies him home, is the firsthand witness to all that. When he decides he needs to walk the dog (while still covered in blood), she offers to do it herself and then goes along with him and listens to his ramblings when it becomes clear that he’s not in the kind of place to be talked into anything. When they get back to the house, she goes out on a limb and tries the only thing she can think of (cue: arguably the most infamous scene in Riverdale history that just about every non-Varchie love(d/s) to hate on because jealousy is a disease and some people insist on refusing effective treatment despite being chronically ill but anyways). 

Now. As referenced above, some people looooovvveee to decry The Shower Scene. (”Omg, she’s such a slut!” “I hate Veronica. How dare she use her body to manipulate Archie when he’s in PAIN!” “This is NOT the time or place for sex, Veronica!” etc., etc.) 

BUT!

The inappropriateness of the time and place is the whole POINT. It’s what literally makes the scene that follows it (the one I’m writing way too much intro about) work.

In this particular moment, Veronica is being stared smack dab in the face with a very difficult, very delicate situation that calls for a careful response, and because she has essentially no prior experience in this zone to draw on, she’s forced to play it by ear. As a result, she begins her approach by mirroring Archie’s actions/taking her cues from him; after seeing the way he distracted himself from the elephant in the room by focusing on everything but his personal turmoil, she basically goes Oh, okay, distraction is what we’re doing, cool. I can do distraction, and walks into the bathroom. (A move that, btw, is a major risk and took some guts.) Archie is unsurprisingly let’s be honest into it, and they, ahem...distract themselves for a bit.

But the thing about distractions is that they only provide you with a temporary escape from whatever it is you’re trying to run from (in Archie’s case, the fear, anger, and helplessness planted within him after seeing his father get shot, and in Veronica’s the same, because she knows Archie is hurting and isn’t sure what to do to help). After acting fine for a whole couple of hours or so, Archie suddenly snaps over something small, asks Veronica why she’s even there with him, and tells her he wants her to leave. Veronica, obviously hurt by how harshly he lashes out, very nearly does leave...but at the last second she thinks better of it, turns around, and digs her heels in, telling Archie (who is clearly not okay and by then on the verge of tears he’s trying hard to hold in) in no uncertain terms that he doesn’t need to be alone, so even if he gets angry at her for staying, she won’t leave him. It’s a big move for someone who doesn’t naturally fit into the nurturing role society typically expects of girls, and that’s kind of why I love it so much...because Veronica is willing to leave her comfort zone to help Archie, we get to watch her grow as a character, and the connection between her and Archie deepen. Honestly, what more could you ask for in a hurt/comfort scene?

*sighs sappily*

This quote is especially special to me because it features Archie, a guy who is about as antithetically wordsmithy as possible, doing his best to comfort Veronica, a gal who takes the “Big Girls Don’t Cry” trope to another level, and it’s just so doggone cute.

Despite her bubbly exterior, Veronica is a character who explicitly identifies with ice rather than fire (my girl forever), and tends to take things very much in stride. No matter how terrible the situation she finds herself in, her default mode is to keep pushing, keep moving, keep doing anything and everything that helps her avoid opening up to feelings that could hurt/sadden/anger her. She doesn’t unload her problems on friends or family, she doesn’t make leading comments in the hopes that someone will ask her what’s wrong, she doesn’t decide to handle something on her own and then break down crying in a moment of weakness; she literally has to be chased down and caught giving in to her emotions, and even then, she tends to try to cover any slipups with denials and standoffish attitudes. She’s not a character who gets a lot of sympathy, but neither is she a character who asks for sympathy...as a rule, when something goes wrong in her world, she deals with it herself and mentions it to no one. To which I say “yes MA’AM!” because never will you ever catch ME loving a fictional girl who cries/whines all the time over problems of her own making like seriously if you ever see me praising a giant crybaby b!tch who keeps having breakdowns over the bed she’s made herself and is upset that she now has to lie in I’ve been kidnapped and I’m trying to signal you.

The one big exception to that no-telling rule? Archie.

In this scene, Archie shows up unannounced to the Pembrooke, solely because he’s worried about Veronica. Despite all her assurances that everything’s fine, she’s been behaving in a way that, while passably normal to outsiders, tells him something is very, very wrong, and he refuses to be put off any longer. When she finally cracks and explains what’s going on (Hiram is “sick” [was he really though, or was it just Hiram being Hiram inquiring minds would like to have this answered once and for all]), it only takes Archie a second to jump in and start comforting her. He doesn’t wax poetic or anything of course, but he goes straight for the heart of the matter and offers his girlfriend support in a concrete way she can make use of.

(It’s also important to note that he recognizes the delicacy of the situation and meets her right where she’s at; instead of being like, “God, the world sucks, I’m so sorry, I wish I could protect you from this” or “Why do you care, your dad is the worst, shouldn’t you want him to kick the bucket?” or even “That’s terrible, wanna do something to forget it?” he sees at once how much she’s struggling to make sense of a very complex blend of emotions, instantly hurts for her, listens to her troubles, and tries to help however he can.)

When he tells her she’s the strongest person he knows, it’s because he genuinely thinks that and wants her to know he believes in her. He’s seen her strength and leaned on it himself, and because he admires and trusts in her ability to offer it to others, that’s the thing he chooses to remind her of. He doesn’t start outlining detailed this is how you should do it plans or anything along those lines; he all but takes it for granted that she’ll get back up, start fighting, and figure out something that works, because he’s seen her do it before and has enough faith in her strength to believe she’ll do it again.

And then he hugs her and because hugs are kind of their thing it GETS ME, okay? 

Also, there really aren’t a lot of people who are there for Veronica, because Veronica is (for better or worse) written as the Strong Character whose lot in life frequently consists of being the one who supports (sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically, sometimes financially) the weaker friend/parent/love interest. The few times she does need help, it’s on the emotional support front, and that’s why her relationship with Archie is so lovely...he can’t fix her problems for her; of the two of them, he’s far less skilled in the solutions arena, but he can and does offer her that ‘broad shoulder to cry on’ she jokes about in S1, and that in turn gives her the comfort and strength she needs to pull herself back together and go slay some dragons, and I personally <3 that.

[vbee-miya]

helloo!!! could i get a matchup for bnha?? :0 (this is the first time im requesting something sorry if i say anything wrong msfnsnnd) im 18 (i turned 18 only some days ago lol), i use he/they pronouns (im a trans boy:]) and im gay mdmfms im an isfp and a hufflepuff if that matters!!! im v introverted and shy at first and im not someone who likes to go out because i have trouble with loud noises n too much people, but whenever i go out im the kind of person who talks too much (when im w friends) and is a literal clown, although i still cant talk with people outside my circle so other people have to often speak up for me (esp when i want to buy stuff mssmfmsmdlmao), as for my traits, ig im kind of pessimist when it comes to myself? but super optimistic when it comes to others, im also v anxious, protective towards ppl i like and very, very blunt, because i speak without thinking,,, i also daydream a lot and get distracted even more, i have a lot of energy too but i just dont show it so thats that!! as for hobbies im a writer and an artist! (daydreaming helps a lot for some reason), i like playing videogames and that stuff, and i also love researching things such as bugs (i love them but if you put a bug Infront of me i'd cry) and human behavior:], ii also have a lisp so how i speak in every single Language sounds funny,, im basically what would happen if you combined a nerd, anxiety, a clown and too much coffee (i cant even drink coffee bc of my adhd tho since it makes me very sleepy) hehebw i hope that information is good!! sorry for rambling too much again aa

༺❀༻ matchup ༺❀༻

i don't see why not, here ya go.

hop in on the adventures of tintin. 

he doesn’t mind going out to places that are quiet, or places that have little to no interaction with people. so probably like hanging around his dormitory or if given the chance when the school is on break he’d invite you to his place or if you ever offer, then you guys could hang around at your place. 

mirio to me is the type of guy who can easily warm up to people and usually knows what to say and do. i mean after all, what do you expect from someone in the big three? so even hanging out that random silence of awkwardness would cease to exist. the more you both start getting to know each other and start creating that good rapport he’d be able to talk about anything and everything. and let's say there’s a topic you love talking about that isn’t within his knowledge, then no worries he’d be more than willing to learn and listen about it. 

when you guys are outside, potentially to go out eating and or to buy things, mirio is your man, your buddy. you bet he’d be the one doing all the talking. i mean you can’t really shut him up. anyways when you guys go out to buy stuff he’d actually buy anything you’d want and that’s a fact. he’s generous. 

pessimism is natural, anyone can feel those doubts and it’s so easy seeing things negatively. especially about oneself. but as optimistic as mirio can be he’d understand where you’re coming from and rather than saying haphazardly things like “don’t think like that” “don’t say that'' he'd be more than willing to hear you out and encourage the hell out of you. because no one deserves to be thought about like that especially from us. 

your bluntness in my headcanon is something that catches him off guard sometimes, though he’d appreciate the bluntness. he’s most definitely the type to accept critical criticism or just anything about him. in terms of self-improvement. 

every time you have that burst of energy mirio would think that it’s cute. and sometimes if not most times would be highly fascinated with your daydreams and would actually give great writing ideas to write about as they’re not too complex and can be worked around rather quickly. 

there’s a funny little headcanon i have where he doesn’t mean to put a bug at your face, he just thought the stick bug was really cool and knew to some degree you’d research about them potentially. 

he’d wouldn’t even notice your lisp and would actually say that he doesn’t hear it. but till one day he really notices it and his world opened anew.