#I hope taylor knows how much the fans love and appreciate everything she put into reputation

[jennay]

I'm Fine

Request: Hello sweet bean! I'm a relatively new fan of yours and have loved everything you've written about Noah thus far. The last one I read had me thinking of a request? I was wondering what Noah would do if he found out his girlfriend was having an overwhelming day and wanted to cheer her up? Like, there was a mountain of small inconveniences that kept piling up and she was shutting down from her own anxiety

An: Thank you for calling me sweet bean. It's literally my new favorite thing to be called. I hope you enjoy! I tried!

Noah Sebastian master List

Warnings: floof anxiety?

You woke up from a nightmare that doomed your day. Fear and panic gripped your heart. Things went downhill when you found out your alarm had failed, forcing you to hurry to work; your coffee maker had malfunctioned, depriving you of your caffeine boost; and Noah had snatched the last of your favorite breakfast bars last night without letting you know.

You hoped things would improve as you finally got your car to start after several attempts. But you were mistaken.

You got to work and nearly died from a heart attack when you saw the pile of documents and the list of appointments that awaited you. You felt overwhelmed by the work your secretary assigned you as if you were a superhuman lawyer who could handle everything simultaneously.

You wished you could walk away from it all but knew that was not an option. Being a lawyer was already stressful and demanding, and dealing with this extra workload was not making it any easier.

You needed to talk with Amanda, your secretary, and see if some of these could be moved around.

You walk into her office and greet her with a smile; you don't want to be mean or upset her. "Hey," You say, sitting at the chair by her desk. "So I need a favor." You lean over and point to the screen. "Can you please call these two clients and ask if they can come in tomorrow? I have the Taylors coming in at 9 a.m., and the meeting always runs over the scheduled time. If you can start booking them out for at least two hours, that would be amazing."

She nods her head, apologizing, "I'm sorry. I know you've said that before. I'll write it down."

"That's alright, don't worry about it. I just need at least an hour between each meeting so that I can be ready and not rush things, but the Taylors are always here for a long time; they're very thorough and want to know everything that's going on.." You sighed and rubbed your temples. "I'll be in my office if you need me. Please let me know if anything comes up."

You sit at your desk, reviewing papers and bracing yourself for the chaos people will bring you today.

Sometimes, it takes a toll on you, especially when your life is not going smoothly. You glance at the clock and see you have a few minutes before your clients arrive. You decide to text Noah, who always knows how to cheer you up.

Can I come home already? I miss you and could use some aggressive snuggles right now. This day has been shit already.

You smile when he texts you back almost immediately. You know he is an early riser, but you are still impressed by how fast he replies. He must have sensed your urgency.

I'll be here when you get home, baby. You can have all the cuddles you want. I love you. You're a badass; you'll kick the shit out of the day. Ok?

You feel thankful for Noah. He is the best thing that's happened to you. He’s supportive, caring, funny, sexy, and makes you feel loved and appreciated.

On days like this, you wish you could shrink him to a smaller size, put him in your pocket, and carry him around. Whenever you needed him, he would pop out and say words of encouragement and sweet things to you. Your life would be so much easier with a pocket-sized Noah.

You put your phone in the drawer as your office door opens, and Amanda's head pokes through the gap. She is your receptionist and assistant, and she helps you manage your schedule and appointments.

"Your 9 o'clock is here," she says.

You nod your head, "Go ahead and send them in."

You take a deep breath and prepare yourself for another session. You hope Noah's words will give you the strength and patience to get through the day.

You storm into the house, slamming the door behind you. You are overwhelmed by emotions. Your hair is soaked from the rain, and your mascara runs down your cheeks. You have had the worst day ever, and all you want is Noah's warm embrace and gentle words. "Noah, are you home?" You call out, your voice cracking.

You hear him reply from the living room. "Yeah, I'm here. Did you take a cab home?"

You can't contain your feelings any longer. You let out a loud sob, toss your bags aside, and hide your face in your hands, crying hysterically.

"Oh, babe," Noah says, getting up and hurrying to you. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to his chest, where you press your face and cry even harder.

He kisses your hair and strokes your back gently. "Shh, it's ok." He whispers. "I'm here for you."

You shake your head. "I'm over it. Can you just put me out of my misery and put a pillow over my head?"

He chuckles softly, "No, no, no. Come on. I have something for you." He holds your hand and leads you to the dining room, where you see a beautiful bouquet of roses in a vase on the table. He has also ordered Chinese food, your favorite cuisine. You notice your favorite liquor on the counter with other ingredients, indicating that Noah plans to make cocktails for you tonight.

As you gasp, your hands instinctively cover your mouth. Noah's thoughtfulness never ceases to amaze you.

You wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle your face into his chest, feeling his warmth and comfort. "Thank you," you whisper.

Noah kisses the top of your head and rubs your back gently. "Anything for you, princess." He pulls away, and you look up at him, seeing love and kindness in his eyes. "I'm sorry you had such a tough day," he says, kissing your forehead. "Go relax. I'll take care of everything." He pauses briefly, "You're getting a nice back rub tonight, too." He says, holding his hands up and wiggling his fingers.

You smile, walking back to your room and changing into the bathroom, where you wash your face to remove all the smeared makeup.

Sometimes, you wondered how Noah could look at you so lovingly when you look as rough as you did.

After changing, you return to the dining room, where Noah waits patiently. He smiles at you, happy to see you approach. He stands up and scoots out your chair. "Come sit."

You smile at the gesture, excited for the food and fruity mixed drink in front of you. "God, I love you," you say, taking a long sip of your beverage.

Noah laughs, "Me or the drink?"

You lift your eyes to his, "Both, but mostly you."

He chuckles while taking a bite of his food. "So," he says, putting his fork down, "What happened today?"

Your shoulders drop, remembering the annoyance of the day you didn't

want to talk about every little thing, from the coffee pot to your clients not being very understanding and your car breaking down. "Just casual bullshit." You sip your drink, "My car is in the parking lot at work…"

Noah groans, "Again? I thought Folio looked at it?"

"He did, but he's not a miracle worker, and I'm honestly not sure there's any hope for that thing. It's old." You say, forcing a smile. "Let's talk about you."

Noah's eyebrows knit together in frustration as he says, "You always do this." He laughs, but you can hear the edge in his voice. He leans back in his chair and looks at you pleadingly. "I want to hear about your day; in therapy, they say it's good to talk about things. It helps you process and cope with them." He reaches for your hand across the table, his eyes softening.

You shake your head, feeling affection for him. You stand up and gather the empty plates, trying to lighten the mood. "Well, my love, you're not my therapist." You lean down and kiss his cheek, feeling his stubble against your lips. "We can talk about it tomorrow if you want to. But right now I just want you as Noah. Ok?" You giggle as you walk away from him, carrying the dishes to the sink. You drop them in, deciding to deal with them later. You can feel the effects of the alcohol you had with dinner. Your face is warm, and your worries seem distant and trivial. You feel happy and relaxed as you walk back to Noah.

You stand before him, smiling with rosy cheeks and a gentle gaze. "I really do appreciate you." You say sincerely, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He grins and stands up, holding you close. He takes your hand and leads you to the living room, where he sits on the couch and pulls you down to sit before him. He gently lifts your shirt over your head and tosses it aside, handing you the throw blanket to cover your chest with, knowing you'd get cold. He places his hands on your back and starts to massage your tense muscles with gentle pressure. He draws circles on your skin with his fingers, making you sigh in contentment.

You feel a knot of tension in your chest and decide to share what's been bothering you the most today. "The Taylors said I'm a bad lawyer and won't be using me anymore." You say, finally opening up to him. "They accused me of being incompetent and unprofessional just because I refused to lie for them in court."

Noah's hands freeze for a second, and he curses under his breath. "Dicks." He says before resuming his soothing motions. "You don't need them anyway. You did the right thing, babe. You have integrity and ethics, unlike them."

You let out a deep breath, feeling a bit of relief from his words and touch. "I do, though. I've been working with them for so long, and I hate saying this because I'm not just in it for the money, but they were a huge source of my income. They paid me well, and they had a lot of connections in the industry."

Noah wraps his arms around you and pulls at you, signaling he wants you in his lap. "There'll be others, you don't need people who treat you like shit." He says softly in your ear. "You're an amazing lawyer, and you have a great reputation. You'll find better clients who appreciate you and respect you."

You smile weakly and lean your head on his chest. "That's most of my clientele." You say with a laugh. "Most of them are greedy, selfish, and dishonest. That's why I'm always so thankful to come home to you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Noah kisses the top of your head and whispers, "I love you and I'm always here for you. No matter what."

You smile up at him, feeling his warm breath on your face as you nuzzle close to his neck. He wraps the blanket tighter around your bare chest, making you feel safe and loved. "I know. I feel it, and I'm grateful for it." You whisper, letting him know you appreciate his presence in your life.

He leans his head on yours, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. He kisses your hair softly, making you sigh in contentment. "We'll get everything figured out with your car and your job, and I won't eat your breakfast bars anymore." He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.

You laugh against his neck, feeling his pulse quicken under your lips. "You can eat all the breakfast bars you want if my nights end this perfectly." You say, looking into his eyes and seeing the love and happiness reflected there.

He smiles back at you, pulling you closer for a passionate kiss.

You melt into him, forgetting about all your worries and troubles. All that matters is him and this moment.

You feel his hand caress your cheek, then move down to your waist. He lifts you gently, carrying you to the bedroom. You wrap your legs around him, holding him tight.

He whispers in your ear, "I love you so fucking much."

You smile, feeling the same way. You kiss him again, ready to show him how much you love him.

Tags: @thisbicc @yumikitten @lma1986 @chemicallady

[thatoneluckybee]

School Bus Graveyard Episode 61 Thoughts

Okay thoughts time cause HU!HG?!?Q>?

The logo was altered!! Not by much but I love the detail that some falling rubble was covering the edges of the logo at the beginning of the episode.

Ben holding/protecting Tyler under the (table? desk?) is everything to me. Ben Clark is a golden retriever in all the best ways. I am dealing with the after effects of the Ben Fever we all got a few weeks ago.

Same goes for Taylor protecting Ashlyn! It’s so cute and Taylor has been coming in CLUTCH lately. I’m so excited for this development with her after Tyler’s injury. I just hope she’s able to target her (rightful) anger at the right people and not at the rest of the group. (Also ASHLYN CRYING BABY NO)

“Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?” Aiden, no, we do not, put your eyes back in please. (Also—I LOVE the shading and dramatic effects on this panel.)

Okay, the parents are DEFINITELY being affected by the rift and Phantom Dimension. Mike was dizzy when the kids all came back!! And I love how responsible both of Ashlyn’s parents (as well as everyone else so far) are being—Immediately jumping in to help when it sounds like someone is in trouble. I just hope this serves as a wake-up call for Aiden’s mom and dad.

We’ve seen Ashlyn scared before but… holy cow I don’t think she’s been pictured as this terrified before. And rightfully so! I want to give her a hug and a chocolate milk. Also, I adore how Logan immediately noticed and rushed to help. He’s really grown in his emotional maturity over the series and I’m loving the payoff.

Yes, honey, you are becoming phantoms. Is this confirmation of the theory? I’ll take it as confirmation of the theory.

…The parallels between the earlier panel of Tyler “waking up” vs Aiden now is…. oh my. And the altered text was DEEPLY disturbing. But I had to try not to laugh at imagining what he sounds like right now. Probably like he’s a 40 year old man who’s smoked a six-pack ev’ry night since way back when.

LILY BABY NooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and Aiden IMMEDIATELY being concerned about Ashlyn is everything. In all honestly the ship concerned me at the beginning but I am ALL ABOARD and ready to set sail now. They both have grown so much and while it would have been iffy at the start it’s becoming a really sweet and wholesome relationship, regardless of whether it stays platonic or divulges into romance.

The flashbacks were INSANE. But also, let’s take a moment seeing these to appreciate HOW MUCH THE ART HAS IMPROVED!!! Supersupersuper proud of Red and her entire team. This was like a short montage of the growth and I love that so much. Also…. could this potentially count as an “oh” moment for Ashlyn?? And the immediate jump afterwards to Aiden’s maybe-dead-maybe-not body was such incredibly timed and perfected formatted whiplash!!!!!

Ashlyn initiating the contact was huge for her. We know she isn’t a fan of touchy-feely stuff or close contact so this is big. I thing there was a “some people are worth being uncomfortable for” comic with the BTW and TBH creature that sums up my thoughts on this? But yeah, I loved this. She’s growing more comfortable AND this was entirely respectful of her boundaries while also allowing her to push past her comfort zone? Amazing.

”So this is what it feels like” uhhhhhhhh I need a seperate ramble post for this cause I don’t want to trigger tag this one and have it filtered but I have… a lot to say. Very relatable and makes me appreciate these characters more. I love how this whole short scene was pulled off though. Definitely a lot of emotions for this one, I had to pause for a moment to process.

“I don’t like how much she’s shaking” MY HEART

Aaaaand THANK YOU RED FOR ANOTHER AMAZING EPISODE!!! I’ve got so many longer thoughts and theories and ideas and rambels and AUGHHHHHHH I can’t fit them all!!!

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

911 Opinions (Some may be unpopular, some may not)

-I think it makes sense why Harry acted the way he did after the kidnapping. He was developing unhealthy coping mechanisms after a severely traumatic event. Him blaming Athena and idolizing Jeffrey was not right, of course but that was his brain operating on survival mode, finding a scenario that he could cope with and giving him someone who is alive and who he is comfortable expressing his feelings with to blame.

-I think Michael is to blame (to a degree) for Harry’s kidnapping. Of course, most of the blame goes to the actual kidnapper but why the hell would you invite a bunch of neighbors to your house in the dark and then not watch your kid?? If Jeffrey didn’t kidnap Harry, then any one of the neighbors could have kidnapped Harry because 1) you don’t know them that well or their intentions, 2) it’s dark and crowded, so it would be easy to do it 3) Michael and David kept their eyes of Harry for long periods of time. I’ve heard stories of parents taking their eyes off their kids for a few seconds at the park and the kids are just gone.

- I actually liked the idea of the sperm donor arc. I wasn’t a huge fan of the execution but I hope we see its repercussions on Buck in later seasons. For example, maybe he has a conversation with Connor and Kameron on the phone and we see that he doesn’t feel attached to the baby like a father would and that he feels at ease with his decision being a sperm donor.

-Even though I do not like Taylor as a character, I do appreciate that they did not make her the complete ‘villain’ in the relationship. Both her and Buck betrayed each other at points. In Buck’s other relationships, he was passive, which made him a ‘victim’ (I use quotation marks because in most cases except extremes such as abuse, there are no victims and villains in relationships). So, I liked that they made him have flaws, act in ways he shouldn’t, hurt the person he doesn’t want to hurt. It’s horrible but it’s raw and very human. Do I approve of his actions? No. But approving of everything a character does, doesn’t make a compelling story.

- Eddie is the one who realized his feelings for Buck first. I think they are both aware that they are physically attracted to each other to a degree but Eddie realized that he was in love with Buck when he got shot. I think that is rather poetic because people only realize how much Buck means to them when he is hurt or in danger but Eddie realizes his feelings for Buck when he is danger and Buck is in a ‘safer’ position.

-I liked that they brought Eva back and that her and Karen had that conversation for closure. I’ve always got the vibe that Karen wasn’t fully over Hen cheating (I can’t blame her) so to hear that Eva knew that Hen loved Karen more must’ve put her at ease to a degree and hopefully squashed the voice in her head telling her she is not enough and that she could never compete with Eva.

-I actually would like to know more about Hen and Eva’s relationship because why would like to know why Hen slept with Eva and why she always felt so compelled to help her when she’s in trouble. I know that Hen is a kind and caring person but to me, it seems like it goes beyond that.

- I love Buck as a character but I think season 6 was oversaturated with him. He had like 3 or 4 major plots? I think Hen and Bobby should have had more plots so that this season could have been the Hen-Bobby-Buck season and then next season could be the Eddie-Chimney-Athena-Maddie season.

-We often have Maddie plots with Chimney as a supporting character but it would be nice to see Chimney plots with Maddie as a supporting character. Don’t get me wrong, I love Maddie but I also want to see Chimney shine and get some support.

-911 actually has some great cinematography and sound design (I’m not sure if that is the right term).The scene where Hen has a breakdown after accidentally killing the girl who was going to play in the orchestra, Shannon’s death scene, the shooting and Buck getting struck by lightning most notably have great cinematography and excellent background music (or silence in some cases).

- I don’t like the idea of Buddie having another kid (if they get together). I know it’s more nuanced than this but it feels like they missed out on so much with Christopher, so let’s just have another kid to make up for it. Every parental figure that Christopher has ever had has let him down at some point by abandoning him in some sort of way. I think it’s unfair that Buck and Eddie can start over with a clean slate (for a lack of a better phrase).

- I also don’t like the idea of Buck having his own kid biologically (with or without Eddie) because in my opinion, it cheapens the idea of his whole arc in season 6, which is biology does not make one a father. A man can be a father to another man’s kid.

[missegyptiana]

hiiiiii how are youuu

sorry I genuinely don't understand what taylor is doing??

Like, this is such a bad pr move that it's basically impossible that it's a pr relationship imo

which means it's real which is way worse???

how is her pr team letting her associate herself so publicly with someone like that. maybe she just knows that she's so big rn that she can do basically whatever she wants and many people will still support her??

I know taylor isn't perfect by any stretch, but until now i genuinely thought she was generally a good person, even though she lives in her extremely privileged bubble.

every time she said she was an ally or that she cared about people or she seemed a sweet and caring person etc, i didn't think it was fake (even when she failed to follow through with all the promises she made in miss americana but that's a whole other can of worms)

but now I'm wondering if it was fake?? maybe this is a bit too parasocial, and I'm fully aware none of us really know her, but all of us have an idea of her in our heads, and the one I had in mine just... would not date someone like matty healy. especially since she's a smart grown woman and not a naive young kid.

that's why I'm also genuinely worried about how many people (in my experience mainly young US swifties) put her on a pedestal, say they will always love her no matter what, think she's absolutely perfect and can do no wrong.

obviously it's okay to support people and be their fans and that almost always means idealizing them at least a bit, but blind faith like that is dangerous imo.

anyway sorry for ranting, I'm just upset and confused.

hope you have a good day!!

hi anon i’m ok how r u? i agree with all of this tbh. i have no idea what’s going on with her and between those two but i have a right to be hurt by it and to speak up on it. especially being apart of a community he’s made fun of or laughed at. ya and after everything she said she would do when miss americana released and the man and yntcd being released and i can’t remember the last time she’s spoken up abt something since the lover era. i understand she’s attracted to him, for some odd reason, but how can she be ok with what he’s done? and the things he has said that has hurt her own fans? and so many minorities?? and be ok with it? and her team being ok with it? people say we shouldn’t talk abt it cause it won’t do anything or we don’t even know her but idc! let me say my opinion! if u were hurt by him u would do the same! it’s just so annoying how people think we shouldn’t say anything. like shut up fr. ofc i still love her and i’m still going to her show, but this hurts so fucking much that i’m confused on what to do and i’m confused on what she’s doing. even if they break up, this decision of hers will forever hurt us. and her ignoring everything hurts a lot too.

and it’s ok that u ranted! i appreciate that u felt comfortable enough to put it in my inbox!!! never hesitate to message me or send an ask abt anything i will always listen to anyone’s rants. i will try my best to reply to everything u say <3

[leonornaves]

An open love and appreciation letter-post to Taylor Swift:

i know no one is probably going to see this, let alone taylor swift herself, but to be honest i needed you to know the great deal in which taylor has mpacted my life. so here it goes...

dear taylor swift,

your music has impacted me in ways i have never thought someone could.

besides the typical 'shake it off' and 'blank space' discovery in like 2015 i really didn't know much about you and your music. that is until i was 12. when i was 12 years old (around 2018) my dad was diagnosed with leukemia and i found myself numb, really numb. up until that point, i had never had any big issues with my parents... i was happy.

so you can imagine my shock to have my world turned. with that numbness came a necessity to hear/read words from someone who was exactly in the same head space as me, a child of a parent who had a life threatening disease but i could find words that made me feel.

honestly i don't think i was really looking because i didn't want to feel, i didn't want to think about my dad being the same weight as me or the fact that my mom and i were so close to losing him that she started "getting me ready for the worst".

that was until late 2019 almost 2020, when i (re)discovered you taylor. i was suddenly sucked into obssessing over one of the best lyricis and songwriter of my generation. obssesed with analyzing and re analyzing your lyrics and finding more hidden meanings on them (although that came more with folklore and evermore).

your song 'soon you'll get better' (ft. the chicks) is in my opinion your saddest one ever. of course atw and other songs like marjorie and many, many songs are incredibly sad but there is something about the rawness in your voice even when i listening to it that alwyas makes me cry even now!! singing it was not a talented 30 year old famous lady with 2 cats (soon to be 3) and hundreds of awards but a girl, girl so afraid to lose her mother to a horrible and terrifying cancer and what exactly it would entail in her life.

that song, those lyrics... were exactly the words i needed to hear. after that i started to myself feel and take the time to be with my dad who was so close to death that i was starting to wonder what life without him would be like. so close that i, at the time 12, was starting to feel jealous of all the people who got to spend time with my dad because that was time i would never have with him.

during the pandemic, he got so much better and i know how lucky i am to be able to say that. i hope your mom got better too. thank you for making me feel! im now 17, and terified of what i would've been like if i hadn't really taken time with my dad during those days when it felt like the end and he had died. i wouldn't have felt anything. would i still be numb? i don't know. thank you for that.

nowadays my problems are different, i have so many fights with my mom it's toxic at this point, and after those all i want to do is put on my folklore cd and cry. cry for all the bad words said between us. cry for allthat i could be experiencing if my mom would let me grow up. cry for my teenage years. cry for everything.

honestly, i think this letter has become sort of messy. but in the end i hope you, taylor swift, know how much your appreciated and how much your music has saved my from my own life and thoughts. thank you so much for writing something that trully makes me feel like you're there for me, even if a thousands miles away and on tour.

also thank you for finally coming to my country!! my godfather got me tickets ( he survived the great war lol) and i will be on the pit bawling my eyes out to every song, yes even the happy ones, beacuse i just can't believe i will be in the same space as you. thank you for saving me!!

this is super cringy and im crying so much while writing this.

thank you again, love from a forever and always fan <3

@taylorswift @taylornation

[swiftyatheart1989]

Taylor has been a big part of my life I’m grateful that she does what she does with fans like going to surprise fans and everything this women she’s truly a Inspiration I have loved her songs from the start🫶🏻 you have helped me be more comfortable with my sexuality and not care what anybody thinks I’ve had be people hate on say that I should be with a girl, or get told It’s wrong 😑 everyone’s been crappy about It. I think people have learned to let go of It and know It’s life. But still hurts what people say about girls being together. I Just wanna thank you for that Taylor Swift Best person I will ever know In my life🫶🏻 I love your music and can’t for the day I get see to In concert and met you! My dream Is to met you and tell you how amazing you are In person! Tell you that I was at The Speak Now Tour September 21st 2011 at BOK that was that was the best concert I have ever been to! Your amazing Taylor Alison Swift your outstandingly gorgeous woman. I truly look up you I love you don’t give a crap what people think about you! I’ve been very bad at that but you have helped me realize I shouldn’t care what people think about me or what I do! #bestsongerthatiwilleverknow! Your amazing and outstanding artist and I truly love your music all genres!(: been a fan since Speak Now 21st 2011 I have always been a fan with fearless,Speak Now,Reputation,Red,Lover and every single album you put out I love every song on them If someone asked me my least favorite Taylor Swift song I wouldn’t have one because I adore all your songs! Taylor Alison Swift! Hope one day I get to see you In Concert Met you In Person by the way I’m From Oklahoma Just thought you should know lol. Best Concert film I ever seen was The Eras Tour Concert Film(; I’d watch a million times when I seen the Concert Film made realize how much I truly love your music and how much I truly wanna see you In Concert because you put on one of The Best Concerts can’t want to experience The Eras Tour and the Friendship bracelet Just wanted to tell you I how much I truly appreciate you and what you do and your Music Taylor(: @taylorswift @taylornation

[diary-of-a-music-major]

Ok so first things first, I apologize to everyone who’s here for loona (or anything besides @taylorswift) because I just had the privilege of watching Miss Americana (and then immediately watching it again) and now my queue is full. I figure it’s fitting to get a bunch of Taylor posts in before the loona comeback in a few days... I guess this blog will actually have a lot of material for a while? lol?

Second things second, I really have been meaning to make a post about the amazing album that is Reputation. It features some of my favorite songs of her entire career and is so special for so many reasons that I want to go into in detail but I absolutely do not have the time. My hope is that I can get my semester back on track in the next few weeks and then be able to sit and write the post Reputation deserves, but it might have to wait until the end of May, after I graduate, get married, and move across the country I sincerely hope I can get it written before then, but it’ll just depend on how well I can keep up with my homework load and senior recital prep. This is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I listened to Reputation and realized how incredible it truly is and now I want to do it so bad in light of the footage shown in Miss Americana regarding the lack of Grammy nominations for it.

On that note, I want to take a second to talk about the Grammys. I know a lot of fans get really upset when their favs don’t get these awards but we all need to take a step back and realize that while it’s always an honor to be recognized for our hard work, most award shows are entirely a popularity contest, with little to no input from the actual fans. The way you get those awards is not by putting out quality material, but it’s by sucking up to whoever’s going to have voting power and waiting your turn. A lot of artists will put out music that deserves recognition far earlier in their career than they get credit for, but instead of recognizing good material, the award shows say “ok we think you’ll get popular enough to win but you’re not there yet, so we’ll wait until next year to give you an award”. It’s also difficult because sometimes I see what all has nominations for different shows and I want to root for so many different artists because we truly live in an amazing time where so many talented artists are putting out quality material and I want to see all of the artists I like get recognition for their work, but not everyone can win the award. All we can do is find the few that do run off of fan-based voting and support them.

[leahblackk]

second part of fic rec please?

Yes! Of course. I just have to say that most of these fics are angst but here we go;

Don’t thank me for loving you by @samuel-de-champagne-problems (This fic was so beautiful and I love the way it’s written and everything. 20/10 and I love your username)

Professor Reid by @avenging-fandoms (I have a soft spot for professor Reid and I loved the chapters where he was in being a professor and reading this was a really good idea besides that I love how it’s written)

Plan on you by @reidsacademia (I’m out of words with this one, one of my favorites of course and its because I love angst so much so please if anyone here write angst tag me cause I love getting my heart mashed. I loved your writing so much, please never stop doing it and if you ever write more angst tag me, and I love your username ;)

Twenty-Four by @hercleverboy (Oh my god this is really good I don’t know, I have a thing for this type of fics where two people who are in pain or trouble met each other is something that does things to my heart. I loved it) and The waiting room (please I love this one I cry every time and it’s so beautiful)

Well this is one of my favorite writers here as well, I love her page and I read them constantly. I will be adding my favorites though, but mostly of them are angst, as it’s well known that I love angst so this is @mggpleasedontlookhere and my favorite fics. By the way I love the username so so much! People are so creative. Call out my name pt.1 and pt.2, Liar liar pt.1 and pt.2, Pascal pt.1 and pt.2, Jealousy MGG

Sealed with a kiss by @megankane (this is really beautiful I love it I really don’t have words enough to say how much I loved this)

Gentle man by @spookydrreid (I’m not a fan of “throwing something in the wall or floor” type of thing but this is so beautiful I loved it so much. I love angst and it’s so beautiful. I love the way you write) And Like us (✨✨✨)

When loving you gets hard by @railmereid (okay this is really beautiful and I don’t know how explain my love for this fic and there’s something that makes my heart go crazy, maybe is the way is written or maybe my love for Reid but this is amazing)

Sweet by @plutocrd (Just like the title this is really sweet. There’s two things I love in writing more than enemies to lovers and it’s angst and worship and the worship here it’s amazing)

Can’t be your secret anymore by @shemarmooresfedora (alright I was constantly thinking this was a crossover with Grey’s anatomy for some reason but I loved it and I loved soft Reid and this is really beautiful) and Daises mean “I’m an idiot” (god I loved this fic)

Spencer Reid taking care of you after a hard day and A not so good day by @ssa-m-187 (this is really beautiful and I loved it besides that the writer here has a beautiful way to express and write things that makes your heart go crazy so this is amazing)

Alright another person who I love more than one fic of them, this is @reidsnose and my favorite fics. Starting with Hair tie (beautiful, masterpiece 20/10 chef kiss) Defining features (Beautiful, amazing, great. This is ugh this is so beautiful and I don’t know how to describe my love for these fics) and Tally Marks (again, chef kiss ✨✨)

Illicit Affairs by @klinenovakwinchester (this is beyond beautiful and amazing that are the two words I use the most to describe something I love so much because my brain cannot think anything else so you probably have an idea how much I loved this one)

Silent Treatment by @i-understood-that-reference (I love everything that has to do with silent treatment because I don’t know ITS BEAUTIFUL so thank you for doing this masterpiece btw does anyone ever noticed how alike Lila Archer and Ashley Seaver are?) And having your baby (I usually cry reading sweet things but this is made me cry in a way I cannot explain. Thank you for these masterpieces)

Need you by @reidsghost (please to say I loved this it’s just little. This is really beautiful and the angst mashed my heart in a beautiful way)

Spencer and Nicknames by @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo (I have sweet and soft spot for nicknames as well so this is a masterpiece and made my heart go real fast)

Hints by @secret-rendezvous1d (Oh my god this is really sweet and beautiful, thank you for sharing this masterpiece. I loved it so much)

Morning Reluctant by @willowrose99 (I- this is a masterpiece, so beautifully written)

Darling you’re the one I want by @luvspence (I love Spencer Reid and Taylor Swift so this is a perfect combination)

The best way to wake up by @reidscanehand (please this is amazing. I love everything you write but this is a soft spot for me. You’re amazing and I love your writing so so much)

Scatterbrained Nights by @anaagraceeberr (beautiful, amazing, masterpiece ✨✨✨)

Every single one of you are great writers and I hope you don’t stop doing what you do and what you love because believe me, you might just think “oh yeah, she liked one of my fics. Cool,” but mostly of these fics (and by mostly I mean all of them, the fic rec I did before and the ones that are really deep in my likes and I haven’t found yet because I like everything I see) means so much to me and I know how hard it is to write and sometimes don’t have your work recognized but believe me I see you and I love what you write.

I wish I can put every single one of the people who writes and don’t get too much attention because they deserve it! And I hope everyone who is gonna read those fics, give all the love to the authors because they take so much time (and if they don’t still) to make something that make us happy. And I appreciate every single one of you who is writing and sometimes it get frustrating, and I know that because I do too. Sometimes I feel like giving up because my fics don’t get enough likes or I just think people don’t like what I write but then I read something someone said about my fics or my way to write and that motivates me so please do that with these amazing people and those who are not in my fic rec because I haven’t found their fic. And if you don’t get enough attention please feel free to tag me and I will give all the love I can for you because you deserve it! Please don’t give up on something you love, and please if you write angst TAG ME!!!

[hopefulobjectmiracle]

wearing the smile you gave me

This fic was prompted by a sweet anon, and I decided to dedicate it to my dear friend @randomcanbian because I love her. I know the next few days will be hard for you, and I hope this makes your week a little less difficult 💕

Pairing: Brittany S. Pierce/Santana Lopez

Prompt: “My shirt is way too big on you...but it’s cute”

Words: ~2.3k

Additional Info: Fluff, Canon Compliant, Married!Brittana, Future Fic. 

Read on AO3

-

Brittany wakes to the soft sound of snoring. The clock next to her bed reads 6:04 AM, but it’s still dark outside.

She rolls over in her bed and breathes a sigh of relief. Santana had gotten home last night, safe and sound. Not that she wouldn’t have, but New York is a dangerous city; one that the two of them hadn’t spent much time in together prior to their wedding. And so Brittany couldn’t help but worry about her anyway. 

It’s been four months since the wedding, and married life has been treating them well. They've settled into their new apartment fairly seamlessly, and have been taking classes at Columbia together just like they always planned. Santana would never admit this to Mr. Schuester, but his ‘hunch’ from way back when had turned out to be right - she really did want to go into law in order to make a difference in the world. Preparing for law is difficult, but Santana is loving that she gets to have such an important goal. Brittany is taking classes part-time in the math department, spending most of her time training at the Paul Taylor Dance Company. 

It’s not easy, though. Santana often works late nights at the diner to earn extra money - late nights that keep Brittany up worrying about her. Occasionally, like yesterday, their schedules don’t overlap and they aren’t able to spend time alone together. There are bills to pay, classes to attend, and responsibilities that neither one would have ever dreamed of as a teenager. And yet - it’s perfect, because it’s the two of them. Brittany thinks that her teenage self would be damn proud of where they are today. 

Now, Santana lies next to Brittany, her dark hair fanned out across her face and her features lax with sleep. Brittany smiles as she traces a finger across Santana’s cheek. This is her Santana, hers alone; the soft, sweet girl that no one but her ever gets to see. And Brittany gets to spend the rest of her life with her. She gets to wake up every morning to that beautiful face, spend her entire day loving this incredible woman, and go to sleep every night knowing that Santana will be right next to her. 

Forever. 

This thought alone sparks Brittany’s every nerve, and is enough to send Brittany stumbling out of bed, deciding that she isn’t going to be able to fall asleep again before sunrise. Four months in, and it’s finally hit her on this dark, cold morning - this is it. This is forever with the girl she loves. 

She quickly smoothes the blankets over Santana, presses a soft kiss to her forehead, and all but sprints to the kitchen of their tiny condo. Lord Tubbington, whom Brittany hadn’t even realized was awake, uses this as an opportunity to climb onto their dining table, attempting to make himself at home in their fruit bowl. 

“Quiet, you!” Brittany whispers. “Don’t be an asshole, Santana needs her rest.” Lord Tubbington hisses at her, and Brittany sighs and picks him up, depositing him on the kitchen counter. He mewls in protest, and she jabs her finger at him. “Behave. My wife needs sleep, and I will not have you and your gang ruining it.” She sneaks a glance back into the bedroom. Santana is thankfully still asleep, and Brittany breathes out another sigh of relief. She turns back to Lord Tubbington and says, “I’m keeping an eye on you, mister.”

Brittany leans forward and opens a couple of cupboards mindlessly, unsure of what to make for her wife’s breakfast. It’s a rare free Saturday morning, and she is not going to let it go to waste when she can do something special instead. She sifts through the ingredients they have in their fridge, making a mental note to stock up on bagels. Brittany sighs. She wishes that NYC had at least one Breadstix - she isn’t really the best cook, and Santana only deserves the best. 

Still, Brittany thinks Santana will appreciate anything Brittany makes for her, because she knows that what really matters to Santana is that Brittany loves her enough to make an effort. Even if that effort results in burnt lasagna. Which is an event that Santana has sworn to never bring up again. 

Brittany shakes that thought away. Santana’s had a hard week, and Brittany needs to do everything in her power to make it better. She spins around the kitchen again and grabs the recipe book they keep on the counter. She flips through it, landing on a page with a list of Italian recipes. She scans the pasta section, hoping to find something easy enough to make. Raviolis, farfalle, fusilli...

Fettuccine Alfredo. Bingo. 

Brittany thinks back to her wedding, when Kurt and Blaine burst out laughing when that dish was served for dinner. Apparently, when Sue had locked them in that elevator - a scheme that Brittany had no involvement in, thank you very much - Sue had slipped them a basket of Breadstix food, including a recipe for the pasta. A couple of weeks ago during a drunken night out, Kurt had been so gracious as to share it with Brittany, and ever since then, she’s had it in her back pocket; an ace up her sleeve that she had forgotten about until now. It’s Santana’s favorite, and Kurt’s recipe is simple enough that even Brittany can’t screw it up. 

Brittany takes out her phone and scrolls through her pictures until she finds the recipe. She sets the phone on the counter and gets to work, pulling out the noodles, parmesan cheese, garlic, butter, and cream. She turns the stove on, placing a pot of water on the burner. As she’s boiling the water, Lord Tubbington climbs up next to her, knocking her phone off in the process. 

“Damn it, I told you to stay away,” Brittany snaps, making a shooing motion at Lord Tubbington. She crouches down and looks at her phone, checking to make sure that no damage has been done. 

On the screen is now a photo of the night Santana came to visit Brittany at the dance studio, complete with a big bouquet of flowers. That had been one of the most magical days of her training at the studio, and Santana being there had only made the night better. Brittany picks up her phone and beams. Not for the first time tonight, Brittany is made aware of how lucky she is to be able to have this life with Santana. She places the phone onto the counter again and begins grating the cheese. 

Hours later, Brittany is stirring the alfredo sauce on the pan, contemplating the possibility of a four-dimensional cube within the macroscopic universe, when Santana comes padding into the kitchen. “Hey,” Santana says, startling Brittany out of her reverie. 

“Hi!” 

“Mmmm...that smells so good,” Santana says, stroking Brittany’s arm and inhaling the scents of garlic and cream with a sleepy grin on her face. “What’re you making?”

“It’s a surprise,” Brittany sing-songs. “And good morning, honey,” she says, giving Santana a kiss on the cheek. Santana yawns and rubs her eyes, her hair sticking in every direction. It’s the most gorgeous thing Brittany has ever seen, and - oh. 

This is new. 

Santana is wearing Brittany’s MIT shirt. The oversized one that Brittany used to throw on daily when she was at the school. The one that was her only source of comfort so far away from home; the one that she put away after reuniting with Santana because she simply didn’t need it anymore. 

Now, it somehow looks even better on the person that is Brittany’s forever home. The shirt hangs loose on Santana’s diminutive frame. She’s not wearing anything under it, and that makes her look even more appealing than Brittany had ever thought a T-shirt would look on any one person. 

“You’re wearing my shirt,” Brittany says wonderingly. 

“Yeah, babe, is that okay?” 

“Okay? I...” Brittany is at a loss for words. She slides her hands down Santana’s lovely arms and yanks her in for a kiss. She cups Santana’s face, holding her close and keeping their foreheads pressed together after they break the kiss. 

“I’m going to take that a yes,” Santana says, grinning as she pulls back. 

“You look incredible,” Brittany breathes. “You have no idea how much I-”

A loud noise goes off right then, making both girls jump. Brittany hurries back to her saucepan, pouring its contents into a bowl. 

“What exactly is that?” Santana says, peering over Brittany’s shoulder. Brittany spins around and covers Santana’s eyes.

“No, Santana! It’s supposed to be a surprise,” Brittany says, steering Santana away from the stove. 

“I want to help you,” Santana says, attempting to push past her back into the kitchen. “You don’t have to do this all by you- ”

“No can do, honey,” Brittany says, sweeping her hands down Santana’s back and hoisting her up from underneath. 

“Britt - ah - what!” Santana yells as Brittany picks her up. She struggles to get out of Brittany’s arms. “Put me down!”

“Sorry,” Brittany says, adjusting Santana in her arms. She walks over to the bedroom and deposits Santana onto the bed, sending her tumbling into the mattress. “You stay here until the food is ready.”

Santana faux-glares at her from where she’s sprawled on the bed, and then sighs in defeat. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Brittany leans in and kisses Santana’s forehead. “Stay here.” 

Brittany races back to the kitchen, pouring the sauce over her noodles and sprinkling the remaining cheese over them. She takes out the orange juice from the fridge, removes the muffins from the microwave, and neatly arranges everything onto a tray. She carries the tray to the bedroom, careful not to trip over Lord Tubbington’s now-sleeping form. 

Santana’s face lights up when she sees Brittany, and she gasps in awe as she takes in the breakfast Brittany made. Santana ducks her head, bashful and so, so cute. “Britt,” she says, smiling softly. “You made all of this for me?”

“Only the best for you, babe.”

“How did you do it? I thought...” Santana trails off. “You’ve always said that you can’t cook. But you made my favorite meal for me.”

“A chef never reveals her secrets,” Brittany says, winking at her. She makes a mental note to thank Kurt at their next night out. 

“Oh, yeah?” Santana teases. She leans in closer. “And what else does this mysterious chef do?”

“Right now, she just wants her wife to eat her breakfast,” Brittany says.

Santana rolls her eyes. “Okay, okay. But you need to come eat with me.” She sets aside the tray and draws back the covers, gesturing for Brittany to join her in the bed. Brittany crawls in and tucks herself against Santana, pulling the blankets back over them. Santana sets the tray on their knees and hands her a fork. The two of them sit in companionable silence for a couple of minutes, taking turns feeding each other small bites of the food; just relishing in each other’s company. 

“You know what?” Brittany says suddenly. 

Santana swallows down a bite of pasta. “Hmm?”

“This shirt that you’re wearing…” Brittany reaches out and gently fingers the fabric. “This is what I used to wear when I was away. I don’t know why, but it would always make me feel safe. It helped me when I was isolated from you and all of our friends. It made me feel less alone.”

Santana nods her head in understanding. “So, how come you don’t wear it anymore? It’s pretty badass, and I bet you looked so cute in it. It’d be perfect for late nights when I’m at the diner.”

Brittany shrugs. “I don’t need it now. I have you to make me feel safe. Even when you’re not here physically, I have the knowledge that you’re my wife,” she says, showing off her wedding ring. “You believed in me when no one else did, you supported me through everything that happened before MIT, and you even managed to figure out that I wasn’t happy and got me the hell out of there. Why would I need some old shirt when I have you, my darling wife, to keep me safe?”

Santana grabs Brittany’s hand and kisses it. “You make me feel safe too, Britt,” she says earnestly. “Life is so, so hard sometimes, and you make me feel like it’s okay to just be myself in a world that doesn’t always like me.” She looks down and presses her lips together. “Growing up, I never thought I would have that. I always thought I’d marry a man, and he’d sit around judging me on everything I did.” 

Brittany winces, remembering how heartbroken Santana was for most of their high school years and how long she’d had to struggle with her feelings. She remembers too, how her own heart broke every time Santana recited a hypothetical future with some nameless man, knowing that it would never make her truly happy. 

“I never thought I’d be able to feel so free and so loved,” Santana continues. She cups Brittany’s cheek. “But here you are,” she says, grinning helplessly. 

“Here I am,” Brittany agrees, bringing their lips together in a soft, slow kiss. Brittany tries to pour all the love in her heart into that kiss, hoping that through the kiss, Santana will feel even a fraction of the infinite love Brittany holds for her. 

“And I’m going to stay with you, Santana. I’m going to love you and make you feel like this for the rest of your life.”

“I’m going to do the same for you, Britt.”

As they lie together, talking, kissing, loving one another, their stomachs so full, their bodies so comfortable, and their hearts so happy, Brittany thinks once again that this is really it for them. 

This is forever, and Brittany wouldn’t have it any other way.

[fa-by]

Hello babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 I'm back with a new ‘Q&A’ post. Sorry, it took me longer than usual. I'll explain to you at the end of the post. For now, enjoy 🙃

I've already talked about it here, dear Anon, https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194553804881920/%C9%9F (first question) and then here https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194746313031680/%C9%9F (fifth question).

And who said I think Camila is a lesbian, dear? ���� Maybe you mistaken me for some other blog? Because, I've never said that, dear. I've never been asked about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

You must be new to my blog if you're asking me this question, dear Anon. Welcome 🤗 and my answer is no, dear. Neither of them has ever cheated on the other. They're both way too loyal for that shit.

No, dear Anon. And always keep in mind that this is just my opinion and that therefore I could be wrong.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 First of all, thank you 🥺🥰 Thank you very much for your words, dear, you're super nice and I really appreciated it very much 🤗

As for stuck, we didn't fight or anything like that. I guess we just drifted apart 🤷🏻‍♀‍ even before she entered the Marvel world, but I can't tell you why she never liked and re-blogged my posts, dear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let's call it my flaw if you want, but I don't like any posts myself (not even my girlfriend's), but that doesn't mean I don't like many posts I see. It's just the way I am 😅 I leave comments every now and then though 😅 And neither does it mean I wouldn't like to interact with you guys if you ever want to contact me or tag me or get me involved in something. It may not seem like it maybe because I don't re-blog and put likes around, but trust me, it's not like that.

Going back to stuck, I really can't tell you why. I mean, I'm not her so I can't answer you. Maybe you should ask her directly, dear. @stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland​

I hope you have a very nice day too, dear Anon. Thank you so much again, and please, be sure to take care of yourself too 😘

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and don't thank me, dear 🙈 It's really a pleasure for me to interact with you guys and help you in any way I can 😊

So. Yeah, I think what you think, dear. Mila was definitely the one to make the first move, but as far as putting aside pride and the decision to give it another try, it was something they both did because they each had their own reasons. Remember, dear, there are two people in a couple.

Hey dear sneaky little one 👋🏼😄 I'm good. How are you? It's a pleasure, dear, you don't have to thank me for that 😊

I'm not sharing them with you guys yet just because they're personal observations that not everyone can agree on and, as you may have noticed, I like to tell you guys what I think with real facts that I can prove. In this case, it would be like in this picture:

I hope that with this example you understand better what I mean, dear sneaky little one. Come back any time you want and take care of yourself too 🤗😘

Hey dear Anon, why are you so down? 😟 Don't be 🤗 I know it's hard to think positively about them, but think about everything we've endured so far. Think about how strong we are. Whatever's thrown at us, it won't change our minds because we know the truth. Now, come on, dear, smile 😁 Enjoy the small wins instead of having them ruined for you by the possible eventuality of them doing something. And remember, we're in this together 💪🏼

I swear to you that when I saw it, I was like 📢🔊 Your loving takes me higher 🎵 You set my heart on fire🎵 When you touch my body got me singing like Mariah!!!! 🎵🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

1) No, dear, you can't force something on someone who agreed to do things like this in the first place. I'll explain better. PRs are accepted by those directly involved, who then sign a contract. It's a commitment they're bound to respect from the moment they have accepted and signed the contract. If they don't respect it, they then have to pay the consequences (if you’re interested, I wrote a post about how PR relationships work here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648193061847023616/pr-stunt-relationships-%C9%9F). I'll give you a silly example. Think of it as when one day you didn't want to go to school but you had to go anyway. It's pretty much the same dynamic because even if you didn't want to go that day, or several days, you knew you had to and you did. I hope it went well as an example 😆

2) Yes, but which of the two teams, well, that depends, dear. It depends on who's reaching whom and where. It depends on whether they're traveling together or not. And it depends on the purpose of that particular stunt, like if is some particular event or not.

3) No, dear, absolutely not, don't worry 🤣 Everyone has their own room. The rooms are very likely to be close together though, or at least on the same floor, that's for sure.

4) Yes, when possible, of course. The more people see the couple doing everything together, the more believable they seem.

Don't thank me, dear, it's really a pleasure 😊 Have a good day too ❤️

Not necessarily, dear Anon. Mila started work on her third album during the pandemic in her studio, so no one had to pay for her. Besides, when a contract expires and there's a re-sign, it doesn’t necessarily mean that an announcement will be made about it since the record label is still the same. Announcements are made if there's some kind of important addition, such as for example happened with 5H when they had to re-sign as a quartet for legal reasons with Syco/Epic, and it was only announced because of the addition of a contract with Sony Music as the sponsor for their last album.

Having said that: 1) Since her movie has been postponed again, I would say in 2022. 2) I really hope not because they would be really stupid to do it again. Plus, I don't think the PR will last until the released of her album. 3) I have to admit you made me giggle here, but no, dear 😂 don't worry. Producers, composers, songwriters, etc., work with a lot of different artists who have different styles. Mila’s nothing like Chimp, and she can’t do anything boring. It isn't in her blood. No pun intended at all there 😏🤣

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and you got it right, buddy! We think the same way!

They had gotten to a really bad point in their relationship. A point where they were no longer themselves, either in the couple or individually. For me, what happens in the Havana music video is what happened in reality as well. It was obviously told in an artistic and funny way there. Like the scene of Juan literally ‘coming out of the closet for her’ because he thought it was the best thing for their relationship. In that scene, he gets down on his knees to ask her to marry him, but in reality, at least for me, it represents December. It represents the ‘begging’ in a disguised and artistic soap opera way. It represents Lauren's last attempt to make things work between them. Which is related to the “You love me”, “I do love you. But I love me more” scene in which Camila leaves everything behind. And if you think about it, we can also find this connection somewhere else: 🎶 “Nobody talks about walking away when there's still love” 🎶. Always Love by Laur. Luckily, at the end of the video, she really is ‘took back to her Havana’ as it also happened in reality.

It's all connected, dear. There's a connection and an explanation for everything they do artistically. Just pay attention and you'll be able to connect the dots like you did in this case too. Give me a virtual high-five! 🖐🏼 And have a good day too, dear Anon ❤️

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and don't worry, I've been never asked that. So. Before answering your questions, let's take a look at the facts, okay? Especially for the baby Camren shippers.

Leilani is Dinah's aunt by marriage. She has always interacted with fans and we saw her in several videos even with Dinah herself, but the first time she showed herself to us as problematic was on July 18, 2016. Leilani tweeted an attack on Taylor Swift and apologized the next day by saying of having been hacked:

Yeah, suuure, because hackers around the world were waiting for nothing but hacking her 🙄 But let's move on. September 8, 2016, was the day Laur cried several times during the concert in Phoenix, Arizona. The next day, on the 9th, before the concert in Irvine, California, Laur tweeted to thank the concerned fans, and Leilani replied to the tweet by exposing L because of the ‘her’:

On December 21st, 2016, she did a live where she talked about Camren after fans asked her about it: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvandqF63c1ykfr3q.mp4  (I also put the sub in the video myself)

On January 8, 2017, she posted two Snapchat stories in which she spoke again about Camren with one of her nieces: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qval74yFz61ykfr3q.mp4 

On January 29, 2017, both Camila and Lauren blocked her on social media:

She continued to strike by attacking Camila months later. On July 13, 2017, the same day the 5H interview with Billboard came out, Leilani attacked her by basically calling her a whore. Tweet to which C replied with suspense dots and a Rihanna GIF:

On December 5, 2017, Camila posted the album cover and title by saying that the pre-order would've been possible from the 7th. Because of the album cover picture, Leilani attacked with the first tweet on December 5th, and continued on the 6th:

Then nothing else problematic.

Yes, of course she knew about Camren. All the people close to them know about Camren. Leilani has always been a person who likes attention. She has always liked to show off and be noisy and messy in doing so. It didn't matter how ridiculous she was or that her actions fell upon her niece. The fact that she seemed to be joking and that she was always so evasive and confusing on the subject, is because she herself knew she was going to pay the consequences. She could never have said “yes, they're real” and stick to it. Also because the one who would've paid the most consequences would've been Dinah. You know, being her aunt, it was like her responsibility. And I think D really paid the consequences for something she didn't do. At least, before the sharks took the reins and told her what to do (Leilani through Dinah). It’s happened to a lot of people close to them to get involved over the years. It has been noticed a lot more from 2015 onwards, but especially in 2017 to increase the story of the fake feud between the girls.

So basically, yeah, she was problematic and loud and messy and all of that, but for the most part, she was just following the script.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 welcome and thank you very much 🙃 My answer to your question is yes, they've been for a long time by then. You'll find more details on all of that dynamic below in the next ask, dear.

Kinda? 🤣 Okay, let me explain, dear Anon. There was no cheating if this is what you thought with my first answer. But let's go in order. I'll shed some light on the story with Luis once and for all.

Luis Santos' first appearance for us was on January 13, 2013 when Laur posted this picture on IG:

One year later exactly, on January 13, 2014, L posted this picture:

Then we have the one on February 24th (when the girls arrived in Miami because they had three dates in Florida for The Neon Lights Tour) and those of February 25th, 2014 after the concert (posted the day after):

We have the one of April 13, 2014:

The prom ones of May 17, 2014, which were the last pictures with Luis that Laur posted:

And lastly, we have Laur’s birthday one posted by Luis:

The latter lets us understand that their story officially began on January 27, 2014. We don't know when it ended exactly (let's suppose at the beginning of July) because we only had confirmation of it in August thanks to the explanation that Clara gave for that fake scandal:

Now. This is the official story. The one we should’ve bought. But let me show you the behind the scenes. This is Melanie Mueller, Luis's ex:

Luis was in a relationship with Melanie from early August (unfortunately, Luis and Melanie's profiles are all private, but not Melanie's old Twitter) until, according to the narrative, late November 2013:

And this is where the juicy stuff begins. Luis stated that he and Mel were no longer together:

The date coincidentally matches the beginning of his relationship with Lauren on January 27, 2014, right? Right. So how do you explain the fact that Luis and Mel were on a romantic date exactly 13 days after he said they weren't together anymore?

As you can see from the date, it was February, and weren't Lauren and Luis already together since January 27th? 😏 The funny thing is that they kept interacting and taking pictures together:

And then there's the best part. The Camren shippers went wild that year in replacing Luis's face with Camila's twice. The first one with the prom picture 🤣:

And the second one with April picture. Sorry, I really tried but I couldn't find the original manip. But don't worry, I have two better things 😏:

Ohh, I think we know, Mel 😎

And how can we forget one of the many things that remained in the fandom's history and which coincidentally happened just in February a week before the picture of Luis and Melanie's romantic date:

Now that I've given you proofs, it's theory time. We know about the friendship with benefits, the Like Friends Do situation that Camren had, and we know that Lauren was in denial. Luis was a shield. Her shield, especially for the public. It wasn't a PR created by the labels, but by Lauren herself. Laur and Luis were friends, and I mean, they still have been for years. Laur simply asked him for a favor and he accepted. Laur stayed in Miami throughout the Christmas period until the first week of January 2014 before flying to L.A. with the girls. It was then, in that time spent at home that she asked him, and despite knowing the risks, despite knowing he would face fans' hatred, and despite having a girlfriend, Luis agreed to be the fake boyfriend just to help his friend in need. I don't think she told him the real reason behind it right away, but she definitely told him once she and Mila finally got together. Laur came out to her family in early 2015, but it doen't mean she didn't to her friends before. Especially once she and Mila became official in April 2014.

So, dear Anon, yes, in a way, Lauren was with Camila and Luis, but in reality, she was never with Luis.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and that's okay. I don't mind helping when and if I can. It's not a problem at all for me 😊

So, as far as Lolo's situation is concerned, I honestly think Columbia has very little to do with her situation. I mean, Columbia is the biggest record label under Sony Music and has always had a lot of successful artists. From the great names that have made history to the most recent but still famous ones: Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Aretha Franklin, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Celine Dion, Paul McCartney, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Adele, Alicia Keys, Ricky Martin, Pharrell Williams, Robbie Williams, Katy Perry, Shakira, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Diplo, OneRepublic (Ryan Tedder), Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles, Zain Malik, Little Mix, Calvin Harris, BTS, Lil Nas X, Meghan Trainor, etc., etc., etc. Believe me, there are really, but really many names that I haven't put in this list.

The purpose of a record label is to make money. To do that, the label finds an artist. The label decides if it's worthwhile for them to sign the artist by investing and advancing the money on them, and if the label believes they can make money with their music, then they don't think twice before signing them. So they invest in the artist, develop them, promote them through the artist's team, and distributes their music in exchange for a percentage of the revenues. If things go smoothly and well, there's a gain, but if things go wrong, the label loses money. [If you want to know more about how the music world works and what the girls had to go through, I wrote a post about it here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192055443619840/how-the-music-world-works]

Now, what did I mean by that? As I said before, Columbia is the number one, the biggest and most important umbrella music label under Sony Music Entertainment. So why on earth would a label as big as Columbia Records have signed Lauren and invested in her, but then thwart her and lose a lot of the money they invested themselves? It wouldn't make any sense because it would be like self sabotaging themselves! And what did I say is the purpose of a record label? To make money. Don't be fooled by anyone about it, dear.

I could have understood if this had been an isolated case; if Laur had been the only one among the girls (LAND) who hadn't released an album. But it's not like that. Something, and I'm 100% convinced it's something from their old contracts, has held all four of them up until now. We'll see, dear Anon. Sooner or later, the truth will come out because it always does. Even if it takes years.

Don't apologize, dear, really 😊 Hope things are great with you too and please, take care of yourself too 🤗

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

Nada is a song that is part of Tainy's EP called Neon16 Tape: The Kids That Grew Up on Reggaeton, and it's about how two people in an unofficial relationship want completely different things. The guy doesn't want anything serious unlike the girl.

Now. I understand why you're confused, dear. After reading the lyrics and thinking about Camren, you've surely wondered “Where the fuck is Camila in all of this? But does it have something to do with her, or not?”. Well the answer is no. You see, dear, we're used to hearing a lot more Mila's songs than Laur's. When Mila writes, she writes for herself. She writes from her point of view and according to her experiences. Same thing Laur does. But Mila, unlike Laur, can't write a song for other people. She can't detach herself from them when she's writing them. Take as examples all those songs she gave away after finishing them, like Anyone or Ain't Easy. When you listen to them, you can clearly hear Camila all over it even if the song is being sung by someone else, like in these two examples, Justin Bieber and Elijah Woods. But with Laur? Nah, because Lauren can completely detach herself from them.

Take More Than That as an example. Laur didn't write More Than That for herself; she just ‘decided’ to keep it (because it was okay for the narrative she had going on at the time). If she had really given it to someone else and then you had listened to it and knew she was the one who had written it, you would've thought “Really?” with a wtf expression as the first thing. Right? Because you recognize Laur in the song only because you know she's behind it. Am I wrong? And don't get me wrong, dear, this is not by all means a bad thing at all. I'm not saying this as an insult or anything. Quite the opposite actually. I think it's absolutely amazing. Think about it. It's basically the work of songwriters and ghostwriters who only work behind the scenes for other artists. Gosh, they're both so fucking talented 😍

Anyway. What was I getting at with this? To the fact that the same thing happened here with Nada. Nada was written by four songwriters and we have two different points of view to represent the couple in the story. The one of the girls, Laur and Cris Chil (she also worked and wrote with her for Lento), and the one of the boys, C. Tangana and Tainy (like Cris, he wrote with her and produced Lento). Now. I can't tell you who the real protagonist behind the story of the song is because none of them said it, but it's definitely not Lauren. Laur just went with the flow.

Before starting, I would like to also publicly thank my girl @romanticentropy​ for helping me with the translation (her first language is Spanish), so thank you again, my love 🥰 And I'm not talking about the literal translation. I'm talking about the real meaning behind it since the meaning of many sentences or words can change even based on a simple comma. Therefore, here below you'll find the real translation along with notes placed in parentheses with various explanations. I don't know if you speak Spanish, dear Anon, but we did this for all those people here who don't speak it so that everyone can understand the true meaning of the song.

That said, let's get started.

Verse 1:

“Como te arrimes sí te voy a dar

If you dare come close, I’ll give you [implied: my dick]

Me he puesto guapo pa' verte pasar (Yeah)

I got myself all dressed up to watch you go by (Yeah)

No me pregunte', no quiero pensar

Don't ask me, I don't want to think

No tengo tiempo, no me pue'o casar

I don't have time, I can't get married

Pero, puedo quererte de nuevo

But, I can love you again

Dejar todo el resto pa' luego

[implied because the two sentences go together: And] leave everything else for later

Quedarme pa' ti, que más quieres de mí

To stay for you, what else do you want from me

No odies al jugador odia al juego

Don't hate the player, hate the game

Yo no me he inventado na' (Qué va)

I didn't make anything up (Not at all / Of course not) [‘Qué va’ is an expression, particularly from Spain, that means something like ‘How could you have thought that? Of course not’ said in a casual tone. So, ‘not at all’ is a possible interpretation because he's reassuring he really didn't make anything up]

Sobrevivo en la ciudad (¿Qué?)

I survive in the city (What?)

Me la busco pa' ganar, cien monedas pa' gastar

I'm looking to earn, a hundred dollars to spend [In this sentence, the comma is very important because in ‘me la busco pa' ganar’ read alone, it means that he's finding his ways to earn a living or a better life. When you add ‘cien monedas pa' gastar’, it extends to ‘he's finding his way to earn $100 to spend’, but the comma is important because it keeps alive the idea that he's not only working for the 100 dollars, but also for a better life (possibly a rich kind of life, but that's not necessarily implied)]

Una cama pa' dormir, y un yate pa' vacilar

A bed to sleep in, and a yacht to show off on”

What do we understand from this? That he's actually the one who doesn't want to have a serious relationship because his goal for the moment is to earn and live a good life, not to settle down and get married.

Pre-Chorus:

“Tú ya sabías to' lo que había

You already knew what to expect / You already knew what the situation was

No me hagas cambiar, vida mía

Don't make me change, my darling [He sings ‘vida mía’, which means ‘my life’. Calling someone ‘my life’ is not used in English because it makes no sense in the definition of the language itself. So, in this case, it's translated and used as a loving nickname. As you could call someone ‘my love’, ‘my heart’, ‘my baby’, or ‘my darling’]

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight [‘Darle a alguien’, ‘to give to someone’ in Spanish has a sexual connotation. It means you're going to have sex with that person. It’s especially used from a male point of view; particularly this last line, he means he'd have sex with her all night until it's day again]”

He basically tells her: “You knew I'm an asshole. Don't try to change me because it's useless. The only thing I can give you is whole nights of sex”.

Chorus:

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing

Can't keep up with your vibe

'Cause you're up and you're down, 'round and you're 'round, babe

I can not read your mind

Conté lo' día' pa' volverte a ver

I counted the days to see you again

Y tú ni sabe' qué quiere' hacer

And you don't even know what you want to do

Cuando me vaya no voy a volver

When I leave I won’t come back

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing”

This is an ultimatum. “If you keep giving me nothing for much longer, I'll leave you without looking back”.

Verse 2:

“Yo no estoy para regalarte

I'm not here to please you [The literal translation of that is ‘I'm not here to give you’. The incomplete sentence opens an ambiguity where you don't know if she’s saying ‘I'm not here to give you anything’, or ‘I'm not here to give you things’, or ‘I'm not here to fulfill your wishes’, or ‘I'm not here to please you’, or things like that that make you understand that if he's not ready to pay attention to her right now and give her the love she needs, and he's clearly not because he's ‘giving her nothing’, she's not just going to wait there by begging for some love or collecting the crumbs that he leaves behind. She's saying “give me the love and the attention I need or I'll go away on my own”. So overall, ‘I'm not here to please you’ is a decent interpretation]

Ni tampoco para esperarte

Nor to wait for you

Ese dinero no te va a cuidar

That money won’t take care of you

No te pido matrimonio, yo sólo tu arte

I'm not asking you to marry me, just your love [That's the real meaning behind the sentence despite the literal translation being this: I'm not asking you to marry me, just your art]

Cuando no estoy ahí

When I'm not there

Sé que preguntas por mí

I know you ask about me

Sé por qué eres así

I know why you're like this

I know you're afraid of falling in too deep

We can pretend like we’ve only done this for the fun of it

Pero no te sorprendas si te enteras que así como tú hay mil

But don't be surprised to find out there are a thousand just like you around”

Basically: “I'm not asking you to marry me, just to have a real relationship. An exclusive relationship. We can continue to pretend that we just had fun, but I know there's something deeper. I know you're afraid of falling in love with me, but if you keep wanting this kind of relationship, then I'm gonna go find someone who wants the same things as me; also because there are a lot of guys out there and I'm starting to get tired of waiting”.

And that's all, dear Anon. Now that you know the real translation *thanks once again, mi amor 💖* , can you see anything that has to do with Mila? Because I don't. In fact, if I really have to find an association with Camren, the only thing that comes to my mind is that Lauren could have written some parts of her verse from Camila's point of view when they were still just fuckbuddies. You know? Since it was Laur who was initially in denial and was afraid, and not Camila. She was the one who was afraid of the idea of even liking Mila, let alone falling in too deep. But it's not like that. There's nothing of Camila here. There's no Camren here. For me, this song is the story of one of the three (Cris Chil, or C. Tangana, or Tainy) and Laur only contributed to it with her talent.

Of course I can, dear Anon 😉

So. Camila created In the Dark the day after going to the Grammys' after-party (February 12, 2017) with which she went with Ashlee as her date of hers. Mila said she got the idea for the song because of the encounter she had at that party with this unnamed famous guy. Yeah, sure, Jan. We know very well that this is not the case. Just as we know very well that that was the same night in which Tyren had their first public appearance as a fake couple. If you're interested, I've already explained all this also with proofs in my previous post: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/653296412485894144/romanticentropy-fa-by-hiiii-babies-and-dear (last question in my All These Years' interpretation).

If you don't mind, dear Anon, I'll start with the verses because they're the only parts of the song where Mila isn't addressing Lauren directly. In the verses, Camila just observes her by describing their surroundings.

Verse 1:

“Blank stares, faithless

Vampires at the same places

Shadows, traces”

Okay, let's talk about those types of parties for a moment. I bet that when you think about it, you picture a lot of celebrities having fun and dancing, glam, alcohol, drugs, music, and all those kinds of things, right? Well, that's just as true as it isn't. You see, there aren't just celebrities at those parties. There are one or more of they team members, there are A&R representatives of various labels, CEOs, publicists, producers, marketing representatives, radio and television presenters, reporters, designers, advertisers, etc., etc., etc. Those parties are the epicenter of business-talk. Very often, this is where ideas for collaborations, for PRs, for endorsements and sponsorships, for movie and TV appearances, etc., etc., happen. For those celebrities who have to be there for business reasons and not for actually having fun, those parties are pretty boring.

With those sentences, Mila describes all the people around her during that party. Those people who aren't having fun because they're surrounded by what she calls vampires. Before they marketed them by making them sparkle in the sun because of the crystals on their skin, or before they made them wear a gemstone in daylight rings, bracelets, and amulets to make them walk in the sun, you know? Before they become basically trendy, vampires were always the villains. But don't get me wrong with that. I saw the Twilight saga and I love love love The Vampire Diaries, but the fact remains that before all of that franchise, vampires have always been used in horror and scary genres because they're evil. Also because if you think about it, what do vampires do? They suck blood by basically feeding on the life force of creatures by draining them to survive and not decompose since they're undead. They need to take a life to keep living theirs, so yeah, they are the bad guys.

So Mila here describes both the bored people, the ones with blank stares who in those cases are the shadows of their true selves because they're pretending to be who they aren't, and those people of power as bloodsuckers, life-suckers: vampires. And I don't blame her at all because that's what they do. Vampires, or puppet masters, or parasites, or as you guys know I like to call them: sharks.

“I know that you feel me”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now. What does this sentence make us understand? Picture you're in a place full of people. Picture pretending that you're having fun because you can't show how much you actually want to be somewhere else. Picture smiling and forcibly laughing at the bullshit someone's saying. It's all about image. Now picture seeing someone you know amidst that sea of people. You and this person are far from each other, and at the moment, you both are busy talking to other people. Even though you turned around to keep having this oh so great conversation with those people, you can feel the person you know. You can feel their presence despite being on opposite sides. You can totally feel that they're still looking at you, and you have confirmation of that the moment you turn towards them again.

Apply all of this on Camren now. We know how they've always attracted each other. We know how they've always searched and checked each other when they were on opposite sides of a room. We know how they've always felt each other. So it's not that hard for me to picture how it went in this case. I understand what Mila means when she says she knows Laur could feel her despite the place and all the people around them. Because it's always been that way between them, and we've actually seen them do it many times.

Verse 2:

“Plus one, guest list

But you don't even know what her name is

Secrets, endless

I know that you feel me”

This is a repetition similar to the first verse. Mila here continues to describe the people around her and those around Laur. People who are there because they're on a list thanks to someone they don't even really know. People who in those events become totally fake because they all have secrets to hide, including the two of them. People who pretend to be friends with each other just for a matter of image without even knowing their real names, their real selves. People who are so used to wearing a mask that they've by now become that mask. And among all the sea of these people, Mila knows that Laur can feel her. Evidently as much as she can feel Laur.

Refrain:

“You’re runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin' (oh)

Making the rounds with all your fake friends”

As I said before, many celebrities wear a mask, this facade for protection. They do it to show themselves as unproblematic and to show themselves almost as perfect in the eyes of others. If you think about it, it's the same thing we see in many celebrities and even in Camren when they have to promote something. Neither of the two of them has problems showing themselves to us in a vulnerable, authentic way, without make-up ‘al natural’. But as soon as they have to promote something, bam! Dresses, nails done, make-up, and hair. It's quite normal on the one hand. I understand that. But the problem, as Mila herself said, is when this fake persona takes over your authentic self.

In this part, Mila explains how she was observing Lauren's behavior. This facade that she was wearing because they were in that kind of environment with those kinds of people and those fake friends (yes, including Tabloid). This mirage that allowed her to run and hide her true self from everyone, even from Camila herself.

“Runnin', runnin' away from it (away)”

Especially in this part, and despite having seen her fake act many times before, Mila lets us understand how Lauren was 'running' and suppressing/hiding her authentic self in front of everyone. [I remember that period. Lauren didn't act like Lauren for a while]

You can strip down without showing skin, now”

Okay, this? This sentence right here, it's magic. It's pure art. “It's okay to show the realistic side of yourself without exposing yourself and also having to show your secrets or what you want to keep to yourself. There's no need to act like a completely different person from who you are”. Camila leaves me more and more speechless with her way of writing and expressing such true and profound concepts.

Pre-Chorus:

“I can see you're scared of your emotions

I can see you're hoping, you're not hopeless

So why can't you show me?

Why can't you show me?

I can see you're looking for distractions

I can see you're tired of the acting

So why can't you show me?”

The pre-chorus explains itself quite well. Mila's saying “I know you. I see what you're doing. I see your fear. I see the way you want a way out. I see how tired you are of this farce. So why are you faking it? Why are you faking it in front of me? Why are you faking it with me? Show me the real Lauren. Not this industry puppet. Show me the Lauren I know”.

Chorus:

“Who are you in the dark? (I, I)

Show me the scary parts (I, I)

Who are you when it's 3AM and you're all alone

And L.A. doesn't feel like home? (I, I, I)

Who are you in the dark?”

Who are you in the dark? = Who are you when no one's watching. Who are you when no one can judge you. Who are you when you're alone and you can really lower that protective barrier you create around you. Show me that. Show me all of you.

Camila mentions 3AM because, as we well know thanks to their other songs, it was the nighttime hours when they were able to spend more time together freely. She also mentions L.A. to make a comparison with Miami since Los Angeles is the second city they spend the most time in due to their careers.

If in the pre-chorus Mila really asks her to show her her true self, here in the chorus she instead asks her a rhetorical question accompanied by the explanations themselves like the specific examples 3AM and L.A. to make/show her point even more. Basically the same explanation as the pre-chorus: “Who are you, because I know, I know you, so why don't you show me?”. And I really love this connection between pre-chorus and chorus.

Bridge:

“Darling, come on and let me in

Darling, all of the strangers are gone, they're gone

I said, darling, come on and let me see”

The difference between the pre-chorus & chorus and this, is the more affectionate way she addresses her. She's asking her in a cute way also thanks to the use of that classic old-school pet name, to open up and show herself. She's telling her that it's okay now that they're alone. And most importantly, she's reassuring her with this:

“Darling, I promise that I won't run”

After hurting each other, after the omissions and the secrets, after the fights, after the non-communication, after that toxicity, in short, after everything they'd been through in those years and the way things had ended between them almost two months prior, this is really serious. She's promising her that she'll stay. That's the first step, or at least what we know was the first step thanks to this song, towards a healthy relationship and towards a real positive change in their relationship.

And by the way, wooohh, this whole transition is amazing!

Outro:

“Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?”

And that's all, dear Anon. I hope you liked my interpretation 🙃

P.S. When Sinu said “Number nine is my shit!” during that live, I felt that. Mama Sinu was right. Even after all this time, this song is still the shit 😎

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👩🏻‍💻 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Before I go, I wanted to apologize for this huge delay. In addition to my job, it was due to the fact that I'm in the middle of a relocation. For about two months for 21 years, I always go to a place by the sea for the summer. I'll be there from today and I'll be back in September. Unfortunately there isn't much connection there, but there's a single wi-fi. I don't know if I'll continue to answer the asks all together with a post or individually. I'll see how to organize myself once I'm there. I apologize in advance if I'll take longer than usual to reply, but at least you know that it's because there's not much connection there (and you have to keep in mind that I’ll continue working normally because I’m not on holiday yet). Everything will be back to normal in September.

That being said, always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[hockeylvr59]

Ooh okay I have a song fix request for Cale makar!!! You are in love by Taylor Swift

Okay, so this song is perfect for Cale. I wasn’t sure quite how to write this but then I realized it was kind of a perfect short form format for an ongoing concept I’ve talked about with @makethecupbigger. So I hope you enjoy it and if you have any questions about the full mental story (because I skimmed and skipped a lot of things) feel free to ask. This ended up being 1,868 words including the song lyrics. 

__________

One look, dark room

Meant just for you

Time moved too fast, you play it back

Buttons on a coat, lighthearted joke

No proof, not much, but you saw enough

Meeting Cale had been a surprise, another twist on the roller coaster of your life. From losing your older sister and becoming a mother to your four-month-old niece to picking up everything and moving across the country to Denver, Colorado, it was too much for a 22-year-old to handle. 

That was probably why when you met a beautiful blonde woman at a music class for your now six-month-old little one, you spilled out everything in response to her soft eyes and caring question. 

That conversation was how you’d ended up spending a Sunday afternoon watching football in the home of Gabe Landeskog, captain of the Colorado Avalanche. You’d been shocked and slightly embarrassed when he answered the door, greeting you and taking the plate of cookies you’d brought along before ushering you and the tiny bundle in your arms into the house with a warm smile. How had you not placed it before? You weren’t sure but you did your best to not freak out, instead greeting Mel and letting her take your jackets before making your way to the living room where Matt Calvert and his wife Courtney were located. 

You’d been cuddling little Emerson when Cale had walked through the door just as the game kicked off having been out in the backyard playing with the Calvert’s boys. You’d felt his eyes on you immediately and you ducked your head into Emerson’s tiny body in response. The feeling of his eyes barely left you for the rest of the afternoon as you cheered at the game and when Emerson crawled across the living room floor and pulled her tiny body onto the young defenseman’s lap his soft voice spoke directly to you for the first time assuring you that she was fine. The sight of him brushing his fingers against the fine coating of dark hair on her head made your heart do things it had never done before and as you moved to leave so you could get Emerson to bed you thanked him softly as he held her while you buttoned your coat. You joked that you appreciated him humoring her because she evidently wasn’t used to the avid sports fan side of you just yet and the way he looked at you spoke so many things you didn’t understand, couldn’t understand for so many reasons. 

The light reflects the chain on your neck

He says, "Look up"

And your shoulders brush

No proof, one touch, but you felt enough

It had been a few weeks since that afternoon watching football when Mel had invited you and Emerson to join her and Gabe and Linnea and Matt and Courtney and the kids on a weekend hike. Being in a new city with no one to rely on and an infant that needed constant care was hard and you appreciated Mel’s efforts to make sure that you weren’t completely detached from the outside world. 

When you’d met them at the national park, you were surprised to see Cale there but you chalked up his presence to some team bonding thing and just tried to focus on the beautiful warm fall day. Of course, the problem with going on a hike with a bunch of pro athletes and their families was that while normally this hike would be no problem, you weren’t used to doing this kind of thing with a 16-pound baby attached to your chest. Emerson’s presence had thrown your weight off balance a couple of times and though you had thankfully been able to steady yourself, you could feel your stamina weakening as the group stopped by a stream to take a short break. 

It had been Mel’s suggestion for you to let Cale carry Emerson for a while. Looking over at the now shirtless defenseman he assured you that he was willing if you wanted before coming over as you unstrapped the baby from your own chest to affix her to Cale’s. Struggling with one of the straps Cale murmured for you to look up and after a moment you were helping to shift Emerson to him, your fingers brushing against his solid muscles accidentally. The touch sent sparks through your body, sparks that were foreign to you. Between the sparks and the way Cale holding Emerson like she was weightless looked you knew you were in trouble, you just didn’t know how much. 

You can hear it in the silence (Silence), silence (Silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (Way home), way home (Way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (Lights out), lights out (Lights out)

You are in love, true love

You are in love

When Cale had finally asked you out, you were hesitant. You had baggage, more baggage than Cale could possibly understand, more baggage than it would ever be fair to dump on him. But he persisted, insisting that he didn’t care that you were a mom, that he thought Emerson was adorable and didn’t care if dates with you also meant dates with her. It was only then that you’d learned of and corrected his misconceptions, that Emerson wasn’t biologically your daughter and therefore none of this was that easy. 

Cale was patient though, he didn’t push but he kept coming around. He made it his goal to prove to you that you could let him in and that there was nothing that would scare him away. For months you assumed that if he loved anyone it was Emerson because how could you not love her but eventually Cale started tumbling your walls not brick by brick but crumbling them all at once. 

Morning, his place

Burnt toast, Sunday

You keep his shirt, he keeps his word

And for once, you let go

Of your fears and your ghosts

One step, not much, but it said enough

Months of casual dates and tiptoeing around things turned more serious with a simple knock on a door. It had been your sister’s birthday, the first since her passing, and you found yourself drowning in waves of grief, unable to keep yourself afloat. Driving aimlessly for a while had led you to Cale’s place and when you knocked on the door, a sleeping baby in your arms he accepted you into his home without question, pulling you close and holding you tight. You told him everything that night and he didn’t run, didn’t pull away. Instead, he only pulled you closer, dressing you in one of his shirts before cuddling close, letting you cry nearly a year’s worth of bottled-up tears. 

When you left the next morning you left some of your baggage abandoned, taking with you instead his shirt and a piece of something bigger and better. 

You kiss on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night, he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says "You're my best friend"

And you knew what it was, he is in love

Bigger and better comes with bumps in the road and on at least one occasion you screamed at him wondering why he was even bothering with someone like you. Yet somehow, you made it through, trying to be there for him the same way he was for you. 

When the Avs were eliminated from playoffs you weren’t sure what to do or how Cale would respond so you opted to give him space for the first night. But when he didn’t respond to you the next day you made your way to his place finding him a shell of himself in bed. Crawling in beside him, you and Emerson spent the whole day just taking care of him and loving him and when he woke that night thanking you, you knew that it wasn’t just Emerson he loved, it was you. 

You can hear it in the silence (Silence), silence (Silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (Way home), way home (Way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (Lights out), lights out (Lights out)

You are in love, true love

Being loved by Cale and loving him in return was everything you didn’t know was possible. It was waking up in his arms. It was snuggling on the couch. It was watching him with Emerson, being a dad you never thought she’d have. It was the way he defended you to his parents, the way he’d asked you to spend the summer with him in Calgary. 

It was seeing your little girl surrounded by rose petals in the yard of your summer rental before turning to find him on one knee promising to love you forever. 

And so it goes

You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round

And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown

And you understand now

Why they lost their minds and fought the wars

And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words

You married on a snowy November morning in the woods of the same park where you’d taken your first hike just months after getting engaged. As you stood wrapped in Cale’s arms to ward off the cold, you finally knew that this was it, this is real and true and forever. Later, when you slow danced in the home Cale had purchased for you, the first family photo, one from your wedding just hours earlier, hung on the living room wall, as so many family photos would in the years to come. 

'Cause you can hear it in the silence

You can feel it on the way home

You can see it with the lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

When you found out you were expecting your first child together you heard it in his shock and awe. 

When you drove home beside your Stanley Cup-winning husband you felt it. 

And when you slipped into bed after feeding your newborn daughter you could see it as his eyes glimmered with love. 

You can hear it in the silence (Silence), silence (Silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (Way home), way home (Way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (Lights out), lights out (Lights out)

You are in love, true love

You are in love

You can hear it in the silence (Silence), silence (Silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (Way home), way home (Way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (Lights out), lights out (Lights out)

You are in love, true love

You are in love

When you’d met Cale by surprise on a Sunday afternoon, you never knew that it would lead to so many happy years of marriage, six wonderful kids, three Stanley Cups, and so many many joys. 

That every day you would hear, feel, and see Cale’s love for you all around. That you would ever know true love.

[heylors]

The one where Harry Styles and Taylor Swift reunited at the GRAMMYs 2021.

I just wanna taste it, I just wanna taste it Watermelon Sugar high Watermelon Sugar–

And the applause of the small crowd echoed in the studio they were in. It was ten seconds of clapping for Harry Styles who just opened the GRAMMYS with his hit single that is nominated for tonight. He bowed and fixed his hair while appreciating the cheers for him.

After his performance, he made a quick change and wore a custom made Gucci outfit with a fuzzy purple boa wrapped around his neck. He took photographs for the red carpet before proceeding to his seat.

After twenty minutes of waiting, the program resumed with the host presenting Taylor Swift to perform.

His heart suddenly started to beat faster than it did when he was opening up the GRAMMYS as soon as he saw his old flame on the big screen performing her song, Cardigan.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite.

She then continued her performance by singing August and Willow.

Harry was able to sing along throughout the performance since he tried listening to Folklore. He's been always so amazed by how Taylor writes her lyrics and how she puts melodies into it. He remembers how she wrote 'Style' where she stated that he really got that James Dean daydream like... who writes like that? Who compliments their exes like THAT?

He was also stunned on how she wrote the bridge of Out of the Woods and how she narrated the downfall of their relationship in just a span of 20 seconds.

Taylor did the same thing as Harry after performing. She changed her wardrobe after going back to her seat with Jack and Aaron.

While waiting for the program to resume, her eyes explored the tent where a lot of nominated artists are seated but as soon as she laid her eyes to the man who inspired the album that was awarded AOTY last 2016, it never left.

She smiled behind her mask. She remembers how Harry would talk about how cool it is if he wins an award for himself back in 2012. She knew he was so passionate as her on writing songs about his feelings and seeing him 9 years later, nominated for the same categories with her at the GRAMMYS, is something that makes her feel cozy at some point.

Harry gazed at her the same time Taylor was gazing at him. His green and her ocean blue eyes collided once again after years of not seeing each other.

They both squinted and knew they both lowkey smiled at each other since their masks were covering their mouths.

After the quick intimate staring, they both looked at different ways and made themselves busy but they couldn't deny the fact that memories from the past starts to linger in their heads.

Before they can even zone out from their reality, the program resumed and they were about to announce the winner for Best Pop Solo Performance where they are both nominated.

While they are showing the nominees, Harry kept looking at Taylor's direction because he knows that she's gonna get the GRAMMY and didn't even thought of winning it for himself. He's already too grateful to be nominated alongside his ex and other wonderful artists.

Taylor on the other side is hoping for her old flame to win knowing how much it would mean to him plus, she knows he deserves it.

"And the GRAMMY goes to...."

"Harry Styles." Taylor breathed.

"Cardigan." Harry sighed.

"Watermelon Sugar, Harry Styles!"

Taylor smiled and stood up before anyone else. Even before Harry.

She clapped and looked at his direction. She starts nodding as if she was saying "Well deserved, Lad. Well deserved."

Harry proceed to give his acceptance speech for his first ever GRAMMY which he only dreamt of having. He grabbed the trophy and put it back seconds after holding it.

"Wow, erm..." He sighed before continuing his speech. He couldn't believe it, and the thought of winning something from a prestigious award show couldn't sink in that quick.

Taylor's watching him from her seat and couldn't help but to grin behind her mask all throughout his speech. She could tell that he's nervous because he speaks too fast and he kept looking down.

"All of these songs are fucking massive." Harry said and took a quick glance to Taylor so they made another eye contact.

"I feel honored to be among all of you so thank you so much." This time, Harry's eyes were locked in to Taylor and she didn't even looked away. She's just so proud of him and how far he's made.

Harry made his way out after giving his speech but he forgets to take his GRAMMY with him which made Taylor giggled.

Harry took some quick photographs backstage with his achievement and the thought of winning against those artists is still not sinking in for him. He went back to his seat since he's nominated for two more categories where in one of them, he's nominated alongside Taylor again.

It was time to announce the winner for Best Pop Vocal Album so Taylor and Harry made themselves comfortable in their seats since this is a big category to win.

Taylor was sort of anxious because out of six nominations for Folklore, she won nothing since the pre-show. This is her second to the last nomination.

Though she was worried about it, a part of her didn't care about the awards because she didn't even think of winning awards for the album that she only wrote to keep herself busy and to entertain her fans during the lockdown.

"And the GRAMMY goes to... Future Nostalgia, Dua Lipa!"

Taylor as well as Harry clapped and stood up for their good friend. Despite of not winning 5/6 of her nominations tonight, Taylor remained calmed and enjoyed the rest of their evening.

As soon as Dua ended her acceptance speech, Harry took a quick glanced at Taylor who's also applauding for her.

He's thinking of approaching her before he gets out of the tent since he's not nominated for anything already. A little catch up wouldn't hurt anybody aye?

After the cameras stopped rolling, Harry stood up and talked to some artists in the room before walking towards Taylor to start a conversation.

"Hey, good to see you." Harry greeted Aaron Dessner as soon as he reached their table, "Congratulations on your nominations. Folklore deserved!"

Aaron congratulated Harry too for winning his first GRAMMY.

"Thanks! I couldn't believe it either." He then turn his attention to Taylor who's sitting on her chair, listening to their conversation.

"Great performance by the way." He looks down to her and started the conversation.

Taylor stood up so she would be on the same level as him, "Thank you! Did you see it?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah."

"We were like so nervous because its the first time we played on National TV." She explained.

"Yeah, it was great." Harry responded.

It felt like it was 2012 all over again but everything's not out of place, and there's no trace of uncertainty. He could tell that Taylor is in a very grounded, and stable life which he failed to give when they were in a relationship. She looked as beautiful as the day that he lost her.

He always imagined that they would be standing here, talking to each other about how great life is going on for the both of them. After what they had in the past, Taylor was something for him. She will always have this piece of him that she didn't know she holds.

December 2012 ( I highly recommend to play Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers while reading this part. )

"Help me move this one, Babe." Taylor asked his boyfriend a favor as she holds a side of her couch.

"Let me do it. I workout for you, you know."  Harry flexed his muscles and winked at Taylor before holding the other side of the couch.

"With your clumsy ass? Yeah right." Taylor chuckled and rolled her eyes. Harry mocked her accent which made Taylor giggle.

"Let's just move the furnitures please? So we could dance."

After they moved some tables and upholstered piece of furnitures, Harry puts on The Righteous Brothers' vinyl record and Unchained Melody starts playing.

He walked towards Taylor who's waiting for him at the middle of her apartment.

He holds her tight like it was the last time because he knows deeply that this is soon gonna last considering that their relationship is very fragile and tentative.

They swayed slowly to the music with their eyes closed, feeling each others' heartbeat.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Taylor whispered.

Harry rubs her back because he knows she's tearing up, "I always pray for it, baby."

After seconds of silence, she spoke again but this time with her voice cracking.

"Do you think we'll make it?" Taylor.

"We'll make it right?" She continued.

Harry sighed and responded, "Of course, we'll make it."

He kissed her temple and hugged her as she starts to sob. She held him tighter than she ever did before, knowing that it could be the last time she'll be holding the love of her life.

**

"Well, its great to see you!" Harry tries to end the conversation since he still has things to do backstage.

"It's great to see you too, Haz." She tilted her head and flashed a smile at him.

He bids goodbye to Taylor and the others who were at the table and then proceeds backstage. He wouldn't be there when they would announce the Album of the Year but he is certain that Taylor is going to get it. He is so sure that he already have a draft of a congratulation-text for her.

Taylor watches Harry walk away and realizations just hit her on the spot.

They made it.

Separately.

But they still made it.

and she's happy for that.

She considered Harry as someone who would interrupt her wedding because he believes that it isn't over yet. That it should be him that she must marry.

Nine years later, she still considers him who would still go to his wedding but to not interrupt it. He would be there with a date on his arm,  a date he loves truly because he found his person too. He would give a beautiful toast about love and growth... about relationships that are meant to be and relationships that are meant to send you on a path of change.

They will share a dance where he kisses her on her forehead just like what they did back in December of 2012.

He'll tell her that he is proud of her, of them, and of their history and she's thankful to hear that from him.

She's been thinking about the hearts she's broken on her journey here, and he tells her his heart was broken but it taught him about himself in only the way your first love can.

Taylor tells him she really loves this person he is with and he tells her that he's been planning to propose and a year later, she's at his wedding giving a toast about love that's meant to be and love that helps you grow.

"And the GRAMMY goes to... Folklore, Taylor Swift!"

Harry flashed a grin as he watches Taylor makes history for being the first woman to win Album of the Year three times from the television backstage.

"Joe.." Taylor let out a sigh of relief as she thanks his boyfriend.

"Who is the first person that I play every single song that I write and I had the best time writing songs with you in quarantine."

And when I walked up to the podium, I didn't forgot to say your name.

And on her way home to her boyfriend, her phone lits up with a message notification from someone she knew and might really never forget as long as she lives.

From: unknown

Congratulations! I knew you would make history. You deserve it, Taylah.

Send my regards to Joe, I would love to meet the lad someday.

All the love, H.

___

[matan4il]

I've found it quite interesting how the show is pretty consistent in it's portrayal of Eddie and Buck's very different ways of showing jealousy. Buck gets overly invested, talking about Shannon constantly to other people in that Christmas ep, rambling about Ana to that girl they were saving and blabbing about her again to the rest of the team. Eddie is more obvious, becoming visibly annoyed and bothered, the way he strode over to Taylor Kelly when she was flirting with Buck and his general reaction to Abby's reappearance. Idk just thought it was interesting

Hi Nonnie and thank you so much for this ask! Yes, I agree completely. I believe I even pointed all these things out at one point or another. And the thing about Eddie strutting over during Buck’s talk with Taylor is that she first talks to Bobby, it’s happening right near Eddie so he has to be aware, but he just keeps lifting weights. Then she starts talking to Buck and bam, Eddie’s up off the bench and coming over with a face that clearly says, “I don’t like this”. So the issue isn’t Taylor talking to the team, the issue is Taylor talking to Buck specifically. And I like that the show gives each guy his own form of a jealous reaction, consistent with the fact that they do process and react to things differently. And yet, despite the difference, they also share this thing where the other man is the center of their emotional world, so it’s just natural for them that they have to react to anything that might threaten that man or that bond. I love them. Thank you for sharing! xoxox

i ioved your last buddie meta and everything  there is on point. its just makes ne wonder if the writters themselves  are aware of those things as you are.. obviously they do which makes me   more wondering why they put themselves on corner whem they are not   planning on buddie .. they don't have much opportunity to create a bunch  of storylines. because for buddie fans, nothing they'll do otherwise, will stratifie them. i would like to know your opinion. XOXO

@yelenabelous Hi hon, I’m so happy you liked the meta for ep 406! I can’t believe that writers, who are usually sensitive to the parallels and narrative structures they write, are unaware. Especially when we’re talking about the entire ep’s main story paralleling so clearly, I doubt they don’t know what they’re doing. Why are they doing it? I would hope that because they are planning on making Buddie canon at some point, or at least they’re leaving themselves that option to do it. Tim has talked about needing to make a decision on this. I don’t and can’t know if he’s made it or not, but I think he made it obvious that he’s not one of the producers for whom Buddie would not even be on the table. Oli recently also talked about it as a viable option. I don’t think we’ll get more than that for now in terms of behind the scenes confirmation, even if Buddie is the endgame plan, because that’s not how the teasing game of slow burn works... But I think it is pretty clear that the writers do this because they don’t see this as writing themselves into a corner, i.e they don’t believe that Buddie is def not going to happen. I hope my mess of thoughts does satisfy you! XD xoxox

here’s a friendly reminder that your original  content is incredible!!! let’s spread some support by sharing this  message to 10 other blogs whose creations you love, and don’t break the  chain❤️✨ have a great day/night and remember that you’re loved!!! 💖💖

@novemberhush @firefighter-diaz @justsmilestuffhappens Thank you so much for this message! It’s so lovely of you and so very appreciated. I work hard on putting my content out there, especially with this debilitating vertigo I’ve been suffering from, and it is amazing to hear it’s appreciated, especially by people I love and admire as much as I do you! Thank you again! xoxox

(I know I usually try to answer all asks in one post, to save people’s dashborads, but it got long today, so expect another post...)

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[creampuffqueen]

Just Like This | Chapter Two

a/n: Hey friends! It's been a hot second, but here's chapter two! This chapter is about a high school football game, but written by someone who has never attended a high school football game as a student (I was always performing haha) I also have no idea how football works and yet wrote Rayla explaining it to Callum! So please forgive any inaccuracies lol. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Word count: 3846

Warnings: Dirty jokes/innuendos, language

Read on Ao3

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Friday, October 5th, 2020

Callum’s house, 6:02 PM

HONK HONK HONK!

Rayla leaned on the horn of her car with a snicker, face splitting into a wide grin when the front door of Callum’s house opened. He was still putting his jacket on, and his mother followed him out, fussing.

“Have fun!” Sarai called as Callum clambered into the passenger seat, face red.

“Bye Mrs. Prince!” Rayla shouted back, waving goodbye as she put the vehicle in drive. Callum just groaned, putting his face in his hands and shaking his head.

“God, my mom’s embarrassing.”

“No, it’s sweet,” Rayla assured, “At least you know she cares.”

Callum quirked an eyebrow, but didn’t press at the statement hidden in those words. Instead, he turned his gaze out the window. “This isn’t the way to school, Rayla.”

“Duh, I’m not stupid,” She snarked back, “We have to go pick up Andie and Callisto. I just didn’t tell your mom, because technically I’m only supposed to drive with one other person, but I don’t really care about that rule.”

“Fair enough.” Callum opened up the glovebox, rifling through all the trash to find the CDs stored beneath. Her car was old enough that the radio still used CDs rather than just connecting to a phone. He found one that seemed good, and put it in the player.

At the next red light. Rayla took her eyes off the road to glare at Callum with full force as Taylor Swift’s voice filled her little car. “Where did you even find that?”

Her best friend gave a knowing smirk. “It was actually at the top of the pile. Which is weird, since you supposedly hate Taylor Swift.”

The light turned green, and Rayla was forced to look away, though her ears still burned. “I never said I hated all her music. Just the new stuff.”

“Oh, so you’re a country Taylor fan?”

“If you don’t shut up and change the music before Andromeda gets in this car I swear to god I will throw you onto the concrete.”

Callum responded by nonchalantly tossing his legs onto the dashboard. “What, like we don’t all already know you’re not as badass as you pretend to be? You’ve got a reputation to hold with us?”

“I hate you.”

He dragged a hand through his fluffy brown hair, leaning further back in the seat. “No, you love me.”

Rayla gave him her middle finger, even as her face seemed to suddenly catch fire. If only you knew.

Thankfully, she pulled up outside of Andromeda’s house just in time. The other girl could diffuse some of the sudden tension, and maybe in a few minutes Rayla could look back at Callum without her head going all fuzzy.

“Hellooooo fellow sexy people!” Andromeda crooned as she plopped into the backseat, “How are we all feeling this fine evening?”

Glancing behind him, Callum’s eyes widened at the other girl’s outfit. She was completely decked out in the colors of Katolis High School, red and gold covering her entire body.

“I thought you were just wearing that getup for the first game?”

Andromeda shrugged. “Why not for every game? It’s fun.” She tugged at the red and gold jersey emblazoned with the number eight, then twirled her silvery hair tied into two pigtails with red ribbon.

“Let’s go get Callisto,” Rayla suggested, pulling out of her friend’s driveway.

“Perfect,” Andromeda replied.

As they drove, Rayla continued to speak, “Ground rules: you and Callisto keep your hands to yourselves in my car. I don’t care what you do at the game, but I’m not having any bodily fluids on my nice seats. Am I clear?”

“You and Callum with your ground rules,” The other girl sighed, “But fine. You two clearly think way worse of us than we actually are, though.”

Rayla and Callum shared a grin between them. Andromeda and Callisto were great on their own, but ever since they’d begun dating freshmen year they’d starting getting all handsy. Rayla knew, because Andie shared everything with her, that they hadn’t gone all the way, not yet.

Key word: yet.

And god help her, they were not going to complete their yet in her backseat.

It wasn’t long before they pulled up to Callisto’s house finding them similarly decked out for the Friday night game.

“Well now I’m feeling underdressed,” Callum snorted, glancing at the couple behind him. True to their word, they were keeping a perfectly respectable distance, but everyone knew it wouldn’t last.

“You’re wearing red,” Callisto suggested awkwardly, gesturing to his read scarf. “Just not the right shade.”

“I’ve got extra ribbons for my hair, if you want some, Rayla,” Andromeda offered.

As they pulled into the stadium parking lot, the sun rapidly setting behind them, Rayla turned back to her friend with a grin. “Yes please. You’re so good at hair, Andie.”

The group piled out of the car, Callisto and Andromeda holding hands, as expected. Callum turned to her with a smile and offered his arm. Nudging his side affectionately, Rayla hooked it with her own, desperately trying to keep her face from reddening.

Soon enough they were inside the stadium, and Callum had let go of her arm to pull out his phone and ask where the rest of their friends were. Rayla’s phone buzzed, probably from the group chat, and she opened it up to find where Claudia, Ram, and Skor were sitting.

Claudia: We’re on the far right of the bleachers

Claudia: Kind of near where the band is sitting. We’ve got a really good view close to the top

Ram: Hurrrrry

Andromeda: stfu ram, we’re coming

Ram: If Callisto’s with you then you’ll certainly be coming ;)

Andromeda: I’m going to obliterate your tiny twig ass

Claudia: ANYWAY

Claudia: My friend Nyx from theater class is here, is it okay if she sits with us? Maybe not for the whole game bc she says her friends are coming but just for the start

Their small group began to make their way to the far side of the stadium, where Claudia said they were, while Andromeda still had her nose in her phone. Probably insulting Ram, if Rayla had to guess. The idea of another person staying with them bothered her, if she was honest. They already had their friend group; they didn’t need to add anyone else.

Callum: Yeah sure, it’s fine

With a slight sigh, Rayla followed her friends up the steps of the bleachers until Claudia came into view, standing up and waving. Callum bounded up the stairs, a wide grin on his face. When he reached her, Claudia gave him a quick hug, then released him to reach for Rayla.

“Everyone, this is Nyx!” After hugging everyone, Claudia turned towards her other friend to introduce her. Nyx was sitting casually on the metal seats, and she gave a cheerful wave.

“Hi Nyx,” Everyone seemed to chorus in unison, making the other girl chuckle slightly.

Soon everyone had settled onto the metal bleachers, waiting for the game to begin. Tonight they were going against Neolandia, a longtime rival. The other school had a bit of a reputation for playing dirty, and everyone had resolved to keep a sharp eye out during the game for any instance of foul play.

But every thought about the impending football game flew from Rayla’s head as Callum leaned against her side, his soft hair brushing right below her eyes.

“Aren’t you cold?” He asked, giving a pointed glance to her bare arms.

“I probably will be later,” She admitted, taking in her outfit. Jeans, Converse, and a red and gold t-shirt wouldn’t do much to shield her from the cold when the sun went down.

“Just tell me and I’ll share my jacket,” Callum promised with a good-natured laugh. Rayla’s eyes widened a bit. Was he serious?

She was jolted from her thoughts by a sudden tap on her shoulder. Andromeda sat behind her, several hair ties and various ribbons clutches in her hands.

“Braids or pigtails, Rayla?”

“Er…” Slightly unsure, she took one of the red ribbons from her friend’s hand and twisted it slightly in her own.

“Braids,” Callum finished the sentence for her, “Your hair looks good in braids.”

“It really does look good like that,” Andromeda hummed appreciatively, dragging Rayla to sit closer to her so she could brush her fingers through her silver hair.

With the motion of Andromeda rhythmically combing her hair, Rayla allowed herself to relax in the familiarity of her friends. All around her they talked idly, Claudia’s snort-laugh punctuating sentences, Callum’s voice cracking providing plenty of entertainment.

The buzzer rang to begin the game just as Andromeda tied off the second braid, flicking both of them over Rayla’s shoulders so she could see them better.

“Oh, they’re so pretty!” She leaned back to give Andromeda a hug. “Thanks, Andie.”

“GO SOREN!” Claudia screamed suddenly, causing Rayla to nearly topple backwards into Andromeda’s lap. Everyone around them flinched, and they got a couple dirty looks from the other spectators.

Claudia didn’t seem to care, though. She was standing, cheering ecstatically for the blob moving down below, who must have been Soren. At some point she’d acquired pom-poms. From where, Rayla had no clue.

Callum and Rayla shared a look, neither of them lasting very long before bursting out laughing. If Claudia noticed, she didn’t show it, and kept cheering in the stands for her older brother.

“Woohoo!” Andromeda pumped her fist, though she didn’t stand up and join the junior girl. Instead she scooted over on the metal seat to sit next to Callisto, nearly tossing herself in their lap. Her partner just rolled their eyes and wrapped an arm around Andromeda’s waist.

Claudia’s cheering eventually faded into the background, letting Rayla focus on the field. They were rapidly taking yard lines, but it was only the first quarter. Things could change. Though she sure hoped not; if they were going to lose a game to anyone it had better not be Neolandia.

Then, on the next play, someone tossed the ball high and far, and Rayla was on the edge of her seat, and it was getting closer and closer to the endzone-

“TOUCHDOWN!” Claudia roared, sweet demeanor evaporating in the spirit of the game. “WE GOT A TOUCHDOWN!”

“We got a what?” Callum glanced up from his sketchbook. Both Rayla and Claudia whipped around to glare at him, neither realizing he’d brought it out. In an unspoken agreement, Claudia distracted him with a piercing stare, giving Rayla just the opening she needed to snatch the book from his hands.

“Hey!” The other boy yelped, but it was too late, and Rayla was already sprinting down the steps of the bleachers, sketchbook in hand.

“You’ll get it back after you watch the game!” She shouted from below, sticking her tongue out to blow a raspberry.

“Oh, very mature Rayla!”

“Come watch the game!”

His pout was absolutely adorable, and Rayla flushed at the thought, waving the stolen sketchbook high in the air. “Come watch with me!”

Finally, he relented, though not without a fair amount of complaining and cursing as he traipsed down the bleachers to get to her side.

“You are an evil person.”

She giggled, tucking the book under an arm. “I’m the weirdly sexy villain on a kids’ TV show.”

Callum just sighed. “Not funny.”

“Excuse you!” Rayla shot back, giving a dramatic wail, “I am the funniest person in this entire school!”

He made a weak grab for his sketchbook, but Rayla simply danced out of the way. “Nuh uh, no sir. You are going to watch the game with me.”

“But I don’t even know how football works,” Callum complained, gesturing to the field. The timer was paused, and Katolis was ahead, though not by much. It was going to be a tight game.

“Then I’ll teach you. And you’ll have fun, and learn to enjoy football, and we can all be a big happy friend group and you won’t have your face buried in a sketchbook.”

“For the record, I like having my face buried in a sketchbook-”

“Nonsense!” Rayla exclaimed, “You’re going to have fun. Without this old thing.”

“Alright, alright,” Callum sighed, “I’ll put it away. Can I please have it back?”

Rayla finally relented with a triumphant grin. “Let’s go back up top; you can see way better. Plus we’re near the band so we get to hear their stand tunes up close and personal.”

They arrived back at their seats just as the timer started again, and Rayla began her intense rundown of the inner workings of football. Callum tried to pay attention, but she could tell everything was going right over his head. Finally, she just settled for, “Cheer whenever our side is cheering, and you’ll fit right in.”

In the time it took to explain the first quarter had nearly ended, with Neolandia pulling ahead. Claudia was doing an elaborate pompom routine to rival the cheerleaders down below, even involving Nyx for parts.

“Gimme an S! Gimme an O! Gimme a R-E-N! What does that spell!?”

“Soren!” Nyx finished, and Claudia waved her pompoms triumphantly. Rayla watched them both with slightly piqued interest, flicking her ribbon-braided hair back and forth over her shoulder.

“Rayla, Callum-” She was pulled from her thoughts by Skor’s booming voice as he walked near them. “First quarter is over, we’re going to get some snacks. Come with?”

“I’m starving!” Callum chuckled, “It’s definitely time to stuff my face with junk food.”

“There’s the football game spirit!” Rayla cheered, clapping her friend on the shoulder. “Let’s go consume sugar-rich foods in unhealthily excessive portion sizes!”

The small group left Nyx and Claudia to their pompoms, and Callisto and Andromeda to… whatever it was they were doing. Perhaps trying to fuse their faces together? Whatever it was, it was gross and making everyone want to leave for a minute.

Beneath the bleachers was crowded with students and parents alike. Callum linked one hand with her, offering the other to Ram, attempting to keep from losing their group in the crowd.

It was a struggle to keep her face neutral. All her thoughts suddenly surged away from her head, instead focusing on that single point of contact. Were her hands sweating? God, she hoped they weren’t. She hoped she wasn’t the only one feeling too many emotions to count.

In the line for the snack bar (or, what she hoped was the line, as it was too crowded to properly tell) Callum didn’t meet her eyes, but his grip was firm as he pointed out the menu. Ram and Skor stood nearby, having foregone holding Callum’s other hand. Rayla wasn’t sure if she was happy for it or not.

“If we pool our money we can get a hot dog for everybody,” Skor suggested, “And maybe some popcorn too.”

“Yeah,” Callum agreed, “Let’s get a few popcorns and we can all share in pairs. Like you two, Claudia and Nyx, me and Rayla, and then the two leeches.”

“If they ever come up for air,” Rayla snickered, and she was greeted with Callum’s resounding voice-cracky laugh, and he truly turned to meet her eyes.

“Wanna bet they’ll eat it out of each others’ mouths?”

Rayla pretended to gag, “They’d better not.”

“Oh! Wait! They’ll eat the hot dogs like in the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp!” Ram snickered, and his suggestion was met with varying levels of disgust.

Finally, it was their turn to order. As they all gathered up their food Rayla could hear the buzzer on the field and more cheering from their side, so she hustled her friends back onto the bleachers.

Just in time, too. On the field, the ball flew into the endzone, and the entire Katolis side erupted into cheers. The band started playing a tune, and the cheerleaders began a mini routine.

“THAT’S MY BROTHER!” Claudia screamed over the roaring of the stadium, bouncing so hard Rayla wondered how she hadn’t simply flown away yet. Andromeda was standing on her seat to cheer, Callisto’s arm wrapped her around her waist to keep her steady.

“Gold! And red! We’ll knock ‘em dead!” On the edge of the field, the cheerleaders chanted carrying it throughout the stands. The band kicked into a higher gear, playing the school’s iconic fight song that had everyone clapping to the beat. Out on the field, Rayla could spot Soren’s blond head among the other players, pumping his fists in triumph.

“So I’m assuming we did something good?” Callum shouted over the din, wading through the throng of people to sit back down on their metal seats. One of his hands was still attached to hers, and Rayla had no intentions of letting go any time soon.

“Yes, dummy!” She giggled back, pointing to the scoreboard. They finally were able to reach their seats, and plopped back down while the cheers began to fade. Callum had been holding one of the bags of popcorn, and he placed it between them so they both could share. Ram and Skor passed out the rest of the food, and the group all relaxed once more.

When the game was finally up and running again, Nyx turned away from Claudia’s intense one-woman cheer session to face Rayla and Callum, plopping pieces of popcorn in her mouth. Her eyes, one blue and one amber, honed in on Rayla in such a way that an embarrassed flush crept up her cheeks with little warning.

“You two look cozy,” She remarked with a smirk. Rayla’s face burned hotter, and she resisted the urge to scoot away. Callum blinked in surprise, glancing between Rayla and Nyx.

“Callum’s my best friend,” Rayla replied, though it sounded lame, even to her. “We’ve always been close.”

The other girl just smiled broader. “It’s so cute. At least you guys are way more subtle than those two over there.” She gave a pointed glance behind them, and Rayla didn’t even have to turn to know that Andromeda and Callisto were making out. Again.

“Oh, uh, we’re- we’re not dating…” Callum said awkwardly.

“You’re not?” Nyx blinked up in mock surprise. “I mean, you’re sharing a popcorn, she’s practically in your lap-”

“I am not!” Indignantly, Rayla shot a glare at the other girl.

Nyx just rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, lovebugs.” Reaching for more popcorn, she turned back around in her seat to chat with Claudia some more.

“Well, she’s something,” Callum muttered under his breath, “Going out and assuming things.” He met Rayla’s eyes, then looked away just as quickly, like he hadn’t meant to be heard. “I mean, us dating?”

Rayla’s whole face was on fire. Scratch that, her whole body was on fire. Was she having a panic attack? Is this what a panic attack felt like?

“Crazy, huh?” The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. The two teenagers shared an awkward laugh that did nothing to lessen the tension, then went back to eating their popcorn.

Rayla didn’t have much of an appetite anymore.

The rest of the game was a blur she hardly remembered, points and scores blending from one to the next. On the outside she was smiling, laughing, cheering. On the inside she was empty.

Before long the last buzzer had rung, and Katolis had won the game by the skin of their teeth. The band played their final tune, and everyone began to vacate the stands.

With the crowd that had come to the game, it took a while to make it back to Rayla’s car. They said their goodbyes to their friends while they walked their separate ways, promising to see them again on Monday.

It was pretty late, nearly 10:30, so the chatter that had filled the car on the way in had lessened now. Andromeda and Callisto were even talking, rather than engaged in a lip-lock. In the passenger seat, Callum once again had his feet up on the dashboard, and was sketching by the light of the stadium floodlights as they waited their turn to leave the parking lot.

When they finally exited, the talking stilled even further. There was no sound in the car save for the radio, and the quiet scratching of pencil lead on paper.

Callisto was dropped off first, Andromeda not too long after. And then it was just Rayla and Callum, alone once again.

She pulled into his driveway and put the car in park, letting it idle while he gathered his things. He reached for the door handle, but something stopped him. He turned back to face her.

“Rayla, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” She echoed, “For what?”

Callum scratched at the back of his neck. “For making things all awkward. You know I’m not good being put on the spot like that, but I just made things worse and I’m sorry.”

“You mean about Nyx?”

“Yeah.”

Rayla shrugged. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. It’s her who should be sorry, assuming and being an ass and all that.”

“Still.” Callum glanced down at his sketchbook, still open. After a moment’s hesitation, he reached down and tore out the page. Rayla only had enough time to furrow her eyebrows in confusion - Callum never tore out pages of his sketchbook - before the page was in her hands.

Oh.

It was a picture of her. She was smiling, and her hair was braided with ribbons. It was a picture of her just tonight.

“You’re my best friend, Rayla.” She glanced back up to see Callum’s earnest expression as he spoke. “I don’t wanna let something stupid come between us. Whatever Nyx said doesn’t matter, okay? We know what we are.”

“Yeah,” Rayla said, punctuating the sentence with a half-hearted laugh.

“Okay,” Callum chuckled, “Glad we’re on the same page. We communicate, you know?” His grin was real as he stepped out of the car.

“See you on Monday, Rayla.”

She waited for him to reach his front door, making sure he got inside safely, before she pulled away. She was so exhausted that she drove all the way home nearly in a daze (which would have been way more unsafe if she hadn’t just been driving through a neighborhood).

It wasn’t until she was back at home in her own driveway, car turned off, that everything truly hit.

If he hadn’t been clear before, he was crystal now. He may as well have outright said, ‘I just see you as a friend and I’ll never see you as anything else’. Maybe being so upfront would make things easier, and keep her from clinging to stupid, false hope.

Rayla refused to let herself cry. Don’t cry, not over him. He’s still your friend. Take what you can get.

So she got out of the car, went inside, and went to bed. And maybe she cried, just a little.

No, you love me, he’d said with that adorable little grin of his.

Okay, maybe more than just a little.

~~~~

a/n: AHHHHHH I feel bad for Rayla and I PUT HER THROUGH THIS PAIN. They never even got to share Callum's jacket because Nyx made things awkward :(

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@hipster-rapunzel

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Do you have any book recs like yours and w. epic love scenes like yours?

I appreciate anything I’ve written being called epic in any way :) 

I don’t really know if I could accurately compare any books I’ve read to my own but I do have some book recs that I adore! I’ll give you my top ten lesfics for some variety

- Behind the Green Curtain by Riley LaShea (my ultimate fave romance)

When Caton’s sleazy boss offers her a position as his wife’s personal assistant, she accepts the job with reservations, certain Jack Halston has ulterior motives. After meeting Jack’s wife Amelia, though, it’s Caton’s motivations that begin to unravel. As vicious as she is beautiful, Amelia threatens Caton’s position and her sense of decorum. As the attraction between the two women spirals into a torrid affair, Caton is drawn deeper into Jack and Amelia’s world of privilege and prestige, where everything is at stake and nothing is what it seems. 

- All That Matters by Susan X  Meagher

Life is going damned well for Blair Spencer. She's a very successful real estate agent, happily married to a man who encourages her to live the independent life she loves; and they're actively working to have a baby. The wrench in the works is that Blair favors adoption, while her husband David desperately wants to have a biological child. The fates are against them, and they finally seek the help of a group of reproductive specialists. One of the doctors, a surgeon named Kylie Mackenzie, eventually becomes a good friend to Blair. And she needs all of the friends she can get when things start to go horribly wrong at home. As her marriage teeters on the brink of collapse, she relies more and more on Kylie's friendship. Kylie's happily gay; Blair's happily straight. But the way they structure their relationship leads friends and family to privately question whether the pair is setting themselves up for heartache. They eventually come to a crossroads, which could either destroy their friendship or turn it into what each of them has been seeking. The question is whether each woman can change her view of herself and her needs. The answer is all that matters.

- Alone by EJ Noyes 

Half a million dollars will be Celeste Thorne’s reward for spending four years of her life in total isolation. No faces. No voices. No way to leave.

Since Celeste has never really worried about being alone, the generous paycheck she’ll receive for her participation in the solitary psychological experiment seems like easy money.

When she finds an injured hiker in the woods bordering her living compound, her strictly governed world is thrown into disarray. But even as she struggles with the morality of breaking the rules of the experiment, Celeste can’t deny her growing attraction to the kind and enigmatic Olivia Soldano. Still, how much can you really trust a stranger? And how much can you trust yourself when you know all the faces you’ve seen and voices you’ve heard for the past three years have only been your imagination?

But what’s real? Celeste’s reality may lie somewhere between the absolute truth and a carefully constructed deception. (the concept of this is just INcredible. and the execution as well - perfect)

- The Goodmans by Clare Ashton

The lovely doctor Abby Hart lives in her dream cottage in the quintessential English border town of Ludbury, home to the Goodmans. Maggie Goodman, all fire and passion, is like another mother to her, amiable Richard a rock and 60s-child Celia is the grandmother she never had. But Abby has a secret. Best friend Jude Goodman is the love of her life, and very, very straight. Even if Jude had ever given a woman a second glance, there’d also be the small problem of Maggie – she would definitely not approve. But secrets have a habit of sneaking out, and Abby’s not the only one with something to hide. Life is just about to get very interesting for the Goodmans. Things are not what they used to be, but could they be even better? (there are not one but TWO perfectly written romances intertwined in this *chef kiss*)

- Pretending in Paradise by M Ullrich

When travelwisdom.com assigns PR specialist Caroline Beckett and travel blogger Emma Morgan to cover a hot new couples retreat, they're forced to fake a relationship to secure a reservation. Ten days in paradise would be a dream assignment, if only they'd stop arguing long enough to enjoy it. Reputations are Caroline's business. Too bad she was forced out of her previous job when an ex smeared hers all over the office grapevine. She's never getting involved with a coworker again, especially not one as careless and unprofessional as Emma. Emma knows that life is too short to play by the rules. But when she goes too far and a defamation lawsuit puts her job in jeopardy, she has to make nice with Caroline, the image police, and deliver the best story of her career.

Only pretending to be in love sure feels a whole lot like falling in love. When their story goes public, ambition and privacy collide, and their chance at making a fake relationship real might just be collateral damage. (there’s just SOMETHING about this that is super freaking cute)

- The Brutal Truth by Lee Winter

Australian crime reporter Maddie Grey is out of her depth in New York, miserable, and secretly drawn to her powerful, twice-married, media mogul boss, Elena Bartell, who eats failing newspapers for breakfast. As work takes them to Australia, Maddie is goaded into a brief, seemingly harmless bet with her enigmatic boss—where they have to tell the complete truth to each other. It backfires catastrophically.

A lesbian romance about the lies we tell ourselves.

- The Red Files by Lee Winter (kudos to her for being the only author that makes it to this list with two separate books)

Ambitious Daily Sentinel journalist Lauren King is chafing on LA’s vapid social circuit, reporting on glamorous A-list parties while sparring with her rival—the formidable, icy Catherine Ayers. Ayers is an ex-Washington political correspondent who suffered a humiliating fall from grace, and her acerbic, vicious tongue keeps everyone at bay. Everyone, that is, except knockabout Iowa girl King, who is undaunted, unimpressed and gives as good as she gets. One night a curious story unfolds before their eyes: One business launch, 34 prostitutes and a pallet of missing pink champagne. Can the warring pair work together to unravel an incredible story? This is a lesbian fiction with more than a few mysterious twists. (as someone who is usually pretty bored by any plot other than the romance, I actually enjoyed this mystery)

- Tricky Wisdom/Tricky Chances by Camryn Eyde

(for tricky wisdom)  Darcy Wright is a closeted lesbian who has been infatuated with her best friend, Taylor, since junior high. Leaving her small northeast Minnesota town for Harvard in a quest to become a doctor, she moves in with med-student Olivia Boyd, a neurotic, anal, gigantic pain in the backside. The first year of juggling medical school is grueling, but it’s nothing compared to living with Olivia.

Coming out to her friends and family with an anti-climactic flop, Darcy uses her newly publicized sexuality to try and win Taylor’s affections through an ill-hatched scheme that crosses uncomfortable lines. The result is as unexpected to Darcy as Darcy’s affinity for medicine is to Olivia.

The first year of medical school is a nerve-wracking encounter in medicine, learning lessons the hard way, and finding what her heart desires.

Tricky Chances is the sequel to Wisdom, but it’s the only lesfic sequel that i truly felt added to the first one and was just as gripping! Plus, the first book is only 48k words so the followup is perfect to come right after

- Who’d Have Thought by G Benson

Top neurosurgeon Samantha Thomson needs to get married fast and is tightlipped as to why. And with over $200,000 on offer to tie the knot, no questions asked, cash-strapped ER nurse Hayden Pérez isn’t about to demand answers.

The deal is only for a year of marriage, but Hayden’s going into it knowing it will be a nightmare. Sam is complicated, rude, kind of cold, and someone Hayden barely tolerates at work, let alone wants to marry. The hardest part is that Hayden has to convince everyone around them that they’re madly in love and that racing down the aisle together is all they’ve ever wanted. What could possibly go wrong? (this book comes in 9th because i don’t love it QUITE as much as i do all the others, but it was the one that got me into lesfic so! it’s good stuff)

And in a guest pick from the only other voracious lesfic reader i know, @debbie-eagan - 

Beautiful Dreamer by Melissa Brayden - 

Philadelphia real estate broker Devyn Winters is at the peak of her career, closing multimillion-dollar deals and relishing it. She’s pretty much blocked out her formative years in Dreamer’s Bay, where the most exciting thing to happen was the twice a year bake sale. Unfortunately, a distress call hauls her back home and away from the life she’s constructed. Now the question is just how long until she can leave again? And when did boring Elizabeth Draper get so beautiful?

Elizabeth Draper loves people, free time, and a good cup of coffee in the warm sunlight. In the quaint town of Dreamer’s Bay, she’s the only employee of On the Spot, an odd jobs company. She remembers Devyn Winters as shallow in high school, but now everything about Devyn makes her lose focus. Though her brain knows Devyn is only home temporarily, her heart didn’t seem to get the memo (I’m personally not a huge Brayden fan but a lot of other lesfic readers are so I reached out for a second opinion on this matter)

I hope you enjoy!