#I havent seen her in over a year and if this lasts for another month I will implode

[phagodyke]

completed the game btw 👍

laptop crashed on me trying to open elden ring the final straw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 27 Yeonjun — orgasm denial/edging // sex toys

➥ service top!Yeonjun x pillow princess!Reader

summary: Yeonjun loves to buy new toys to use on Y/N almost as much as he loves edging her.

wc: 3.9k

warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, established relationship, sexual content (minors dni!): mention and use of sex toys (mainly a glass dildo, wrist restraints, and a vibrating anal plug), slight marking, oral (f receiving), service top!Yeonjun, pillow princess!Reader, fingering (m receiving), anal play (m receiving), there isn't as much in this one but I hope I got everything but if I didn’t, please let me know!

a/n: its a tas late so sorry about that and ngl this was really hot and I loved writing every second of it! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it! There will be more parts coming after this. All the late pieces will be posted between this and the final part and then Kinkuary will be over!

It’s been a wild month and I hope the last part will conclude the month for everyone! I'll be moving onto finishing the Tales from Camp Holiday Special and the timestamps from the new years & 6k event before finally starting Under Your Skin. If you havent seen the preview for UYS, you can read it here.

As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon

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Txt taglist: @niktwazny303 @rapmonie2047 @rdiamond2727 @kangfication @beomgyusbabygirl

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When he first suggested using toys in the bedroom, Yeonjun never expected this. Now looking over the spread on your shared bed, he was wondering who would be on the receiving end tonight.

"What do you mean toys?" you asked, eyeing your boyfriend suspiciously as you made breakfast. Yeonjun, who was sitting at the kitchen island, shrugged as if he hadn't just brought up wanting to introduce adult toys in your sex life at approximately 830 on a Thursday morning.

"What kind of toys?" You asked after a beat of silence, flipping the eggs in the frying pan so they wouldn't burn. "You know," Yeonjun answered softly. "The usual kind."

You let out a sigh. "No, I don't know," you replied, cheeks burning with embarrassment. While sex was nothing new between the two of you, sex toys were another story entirely.

You had almost no experience when it came to toys of the adult variety. You'd purchased a dildo one time but found it extremely daunting and were too scared to use it and subsequently tossed it out when you did a deep cleanse of your apartment.

That was before Yeonjun entered your life and if you were being honest, he was more than enough. You didn't feel like you needed toys, even when he was on tour. Being patient and waiting until he returned made the sex even better in your opinion.

Now that he was suggesting to use toys, you thought maybe he felt like you weren't enough. Like he needed more.

"Do…" your words failed you as you tried to ask. Yeonjun looked up to see the pained look on your face and thought maybe you'd hurt yourself. He got up but the next words that came out of mouth hit him like a punch to the gut.

"Do I not satisfy you or something?"

He didn't miss the waver in your voice as you tried to hold it together. "Oh baby, that's not that I meant," he said, rushing to your side quickly. He turned the burner off and took your face in his hands, tilting your head to look him in the eyes.

"You're more than enough baby," he explained, pressing a kiss to your forehead first then your lips. "I just want to try something new. I think it could be fun," he added, nuzzling your nose with his.

"Please don't think this means I don't think you satisfy me. You do, I promise," he continued, pulling you into a crushing hug. "I think using toys could be really fun, especially with each other."

You sniffled softly before hugging him back. "O-okay," you answered quietly. "But I don't know anything about them," you added. Yeonjun hummed in response. "I don't know much either but we can learn together," he replied, kissing your forehead.

"It'll be fun, I promise."

You'd both sat down together to look at websites with a wide range of toys, read countless articles and then, for 'added excitement' as your boyfriend called it, you separately bought from the website.

Your face was burning the entire time you added items to your cart, removing them and then adding them back as your indecisiveness took over. Finally, you settled on the agreed upon number of toys.

"We'll each pick four. We may not use them all at once, but I think it'll be nice to have a selection," Yeonjun explained as you sat at the dining table, each on your phones on the website.

You had picked some smaller items after Yeonjun told you to stay away from the vibrators and dildos as he was going to take care of those. You settled for a baby pink ball gag, a pink set of restraints before your eye was caught by the 'for him' section.

You opened it before you could stop yourself.

You scanned through the options, finding a lot more than you expected but you found something promising. You and Yeonjun had mainly discussed toys for you, not him but the moment you saw the cock ring with attached vibrating anal plug, you didn't know what came over you and before you knew it you added it along with a 4 piece anal training set to your cart.

That with the restraints and gag were your four items and you were done, burning with embarrassment from your purchase but hopeful that Yeonjun was right and this would be fun.

It took only a few days for your purchases to arrive and the two of you decided date night would be a perfect chance to test the new items. While you waited for Yeonjun to come home, you got ready, taking a shower and making sure to clean yourself up.

Afterwards, you put on a lingerie set you saved for special occasions and threw on a simple oversized sweater to hide what you wore underneath.

You still had some time to kill so you opened your package and inspected the items before cleaning them and adding batteries to the vibrating plug. Something about it really made you want Yeonjun to pick it later tonight.

Once you finished, you hid your selection back in the box before waiting for your boyfriend to finally arrive home. He brought with him dinner and apologized for running late, he wanted to shower after practice first. You told him you didn't mind as you pulled plates out of the cabinet for the food.

Nestled on the couch with your food and drinks, the two of you settled in and watched a movie while you ate. He'd gone out of his way to pick up some food from your favorite chicken place this time and you reminded yourself to reward him later.

After dinner and the movie ended, the two of you cleaned up, putting away any leftovers and putting the dishes in the washer. While you were wiping down the counter, you felt your boyfriend’s hands on your hips as he pressed against you from behind.

"You smell really nice," he murmured, lips leaving light kisses along your neck. "I took a shower earlier," you answered, shivering slightly as his breath tickled your skin. "Hmm, without me?" he joked, pressing into you, his hardening cock grinding against your ass.

You let out a soft breathy moan, tilting your head to the side to let him mark and kiss your neck as his hands gripped your sweater, pulling the fabric up to reveal your lacy underwear.

Yeonjun cursed under his breath, grinding harder against you. "You planned this, didn't you?" he groaned, his hands dropping your sweater and moving up to grab your breasts over the thick material, making you moan louder.

Without speaking, Yeonjun turned you quickly to face him, lips crashing against yours as his hands reached down to your thighs. Your arms went around his neck, aiding him in lifting you onto the counter as his lips moved down your neck.

"I need this off," he groaned, pulling away to lift your sweater, pulling it off and letting it drop to the ground as he took in the sight of what was on underneath.

The blue and lavender ombre lace was a perfect contrast to your skin. The cup of the bra had thin straps connecting from the middle of the bra and curving up over your breasts to connect to the straps holding the bra up.

The panties were the same blue and lavender ombre with scalloped edges and a small bow with a tiny silver heart charm in the middle of the waistband. A similar silver heart charm dangled from the middle of the bra cups. It was a set Yeonjun had bought you for your birthday and you had worn for him on his.

It was hands down your favorite set but more importantly, it was also your boyfriend's favorite set.

Yeonjun groaned, grabbing your hips and dropping his head onto your shoulder. "You're gonna kill me," he whined before standing upright. You smiled, drawing your bottom lip between your teeth as Yeonjun cupped your face. "You're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, thumb pulling your lip from between your teeth.

Your words were cut off as he kissed you again, your lips parting and letting his tongue explore your mouth. You loved the way Yeonjun kissed you, whether it was just a small peck like he did when he was on his way out the door or like now, messy and full of tongue. He'd shown you time and time again he knew how to use his mouth for more than just singing or rapping.

"We should probably take this to the bedroom," Yeonjun mumbled when he finally pulled away to breathe. You nodded, cheeks flushed and arousal pooling in your panties.

Yeonjun pulled you from the counter, keeping you steady as you landed on your feet before taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. You giggled as he tripped in his haste and moaned when he pushed you against the wall, kissing you again.

"You're so eager," you noted as his lips left yours, kissing down your neck again. You felt his hand sneak between your bodies, pressing the fabric of your panties against your slick center.

"I'm not the only one," he answered back with a smirk.

"Bedroom," you reminded him as he nipped at your jaw. "Right."

Yeonjun dragged you into the bedroom, over to the bed where he promptly lifted you and dropped you quickly, climbing on top of you as you giggled, a grin on his face as he hovered over you.

"Did you clean your toys?" you asked suddenly, sitting up and pushing Yeonjun back. His eyes squinted before widening. "Shit, no," he said rolling off the bed and onto the floor with a curse, mak8jg you laugh as he got to his feet clumsily and hurried to grab the box with his name on it and rush into the bathroom.

You waited patiently on the bed while he ran the toys under the faucet, adding ample amounts of cleaner before rinsing them and shutting off the water.

You climbed off the bed ro grab your box and hurried back as he reappeared.

"You got off the bed," he accused as he entered the room. You nodded with a cheeky grin. "I had to grab my box!" You said, holding your box up to show him.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes but said nothing as he climbed onto the bed, setting a plain pink towel on top of the sheets. "One at a time?" he asked, looking at you. With a smile and a nod, you played rock paper scissors for who would have to go first.

Yeonjun lost with a groan but opened the box and pulled out the first of his four purchases.

It was a beautiful clear and pink glass dildo with a heart on one end. He set it aside and nodded towards your box. "Your turn," he said, practically bouncing with excitement.

You chose to pull out the restraints first. Yeonjun eyed them, reaching forward to grab them from you. "These are… unexpected," he said as he inspected them. "Well," you started softly, playing with your fingers before continuing.

"I like it when you pin my arms above my head, so I thought these could mimic that. Then you'd have two free hands," you explained. Yeonjun smirked, setting the restraints aside and leaned forward to kiss you. "You're so cute," he cooed, taking your face in his hands.

"Junnie!" you whined as he squished your cheeks. "It's your turn," you tried to change the subject. Yeonjun sighed and reluctantly withdrew to pull the neck item out of his box. Your eyes widened upon seeing it.

The fluffy pink fur nearly obscured the small silver plug attached to the base of a luxurious cat tail. "I don't know," Yeonjun said, trying to explain his thought process. "I just really liked the color and thought it would look really cute on you. Well, I guess 'in' you is more accurate," he added.

Your cheeks burned as he set the tail aside and motioned for you to continue. You decided to grab the training set and show it off next. Yeonjun whistled as you set it down and blushed furiously, an action that made him chuckle and lean forward to kiss your cheek.

The next item out of his box was a headband with match ears for the tail. "It's a set," he explained, putting the ears on himself first. You giggled as he looked at you with a wide grin. "They're really pretty," you commented as he took the headband off and set the ears aside.

You chose to show off the gag you'd purchased. Yeonjun nearly choked on his own spit when you pulled it out. "Obviously I don't think we'd use this right away, but I like the color and you know how loud I can get sometimes." Yeonjun said nothing as you set the gag on the towel with the other items. He pulled his final item out and you nearly did a double take.

He had produced a dildo unlike anything you'd ever seen.

It was long and had a somewhat average girth. It was white and light blue marbled with a baby pink base. The shaft was textured with what looked like suction cups, the tip pointed and the entire length curved backwards slightly.

Aesthetically, it was probably the prettiest dildo you'd ever seen but the texture was as horrifying as it was confounding. You'd never seen anything like it.

"Trust me," Yeonjun started. "I know it looks intimidating, but I checked the measurements and it's not much different than me. The differences are the color and the texture," he continued.

"If you don't want to use it right away, we don't have to. I just really liked how it looked. All the others look the same. They all look like dicks and this… this is so unique." You leaned forward, kissing him on the lips and interrupting his rambling. "I'll keep an open mind."

Yeonjun smiled, relief washing over him as he set the toy aside and waited for your last one.

You suddenly felt nervous and wished you'd already shown it to him.

Sensing your unease, Yeonjun set the now empty box aside and took your hand in his. "It's okay," he reassured you. "Nothing can be weirder than the actual tentacle dildo I bought."

You laughed and took a deep breath before pulling the final item out.

Yeonjun had been shocked by your purchases before, but now he was confused as he looked at the item in your hands, taking it slowly. "What is it?" he asked, making you laugh at the sheer confusion on his face.

"It's a cock ring," you said softly. The confusion melted immediately, replaced with the shock you expected. "And this??" he asked, wiggling the anal plug. "A vibrating anal plug," you answered, laughing again as his jaw dropped. "A plug... for me?"

You nodded, giggling as his cheeks turned pink. "I uh… wasn't e-expecting that," he coughed as he set the item aside. "We don't have to use it," you said, mimicking his words. "I just couldn't stop thinking about it." Yeonjun glanced down at the items, eyes landing on the anal training set. "Is that why you bought this?"

You shook your head. "Not really," you answered. "I've always wanted to try anal, you know that." Your voice was soft as you spoke, making Yeonjun smirk as he watched your face flush. "We can definitely do that," he commented, making you look up.

"Really?" you asked, your eyes shining with excitement.

"Of course," Yeonjun answered. "I need you to do something for me first," he continued, looking stern for a second, making your eyes widened in shock and confusion at his sudden change in demeanor.

"W-what's that?" you asked, gulping as he leaned forward.

"Gimme your hands," Yeonjun said, holding one of his hands out for you to place both your hands in. "First things first," he continued, grabbing the pink restraints.

"I'm gonna bind your wrists and pin them down," he said as he started doing just that, placing your wrists in the restraints and tightening them just enough so you couldn't escape but not so tight they were u comfortable.

He then guided you to lie back, pinning your hands above your head as his lips kissed down your neck. "Keep your hands up there, baby girl," he whispered before continuing to kiss down your body, hands ghosting over your skin as he kissed down your stomach.

"You won't be needing these," he said softly, pulling your panties which were glistening with your arousal down your legs and setting them aside. As he settled between your thighs, taking your hips in his hands and locking his lips, Yeonjun glanced up to meet your gaze. "I want you to count," he said simply.

"C-count what?" you stammered, cheeks burning under his gaze.

"I want you to count how many times I make you cum with my tongue."

You lost track some time after the fourth or fifth orgasm.

Yeonjun had gotten two out of you before he finally started using the toys you'd both gotten. He was so entranced by the way your cunt took the glass dildo and even more so at being able to see through the clear glass and getting a small glimpse inside at your walls.

It was odd but also extremely erotic for him. The way your back arched off the mattress as he drove the toy into you repeatedly. He had the perfect view and he wouldn't regret the decision to bring this up and bring something new to your sex lives.

Although he wanted to use the plug tail and ears he chose to keep it simple tonight, just using the restraints and this one dildo on you. He would have been content to use just these but then you just had to bring it up. The last item you'd shown him.

As he got rid of his clothes, you brought it up.

"Do you want to try it?" you asked softly as he looked down at you, lying bare before him and almost totally at his mercy. He glanced sideways at the toy and then back at you.

He just knew he was going to regret this.

"Okay."

He'd taken his time to undo your hands, trying to stall as long as possible. It wasn't that he didn't want to do it. He was just… nervous. He'd never ever had anything put inside him other than at doctors appointments or physicals so doing this now was throwing him off. He waited as you opened the bedside table and grabbed a bottle of lube you kept on hand just in case.

Yeonjun waited as you moved behind him and urged him to bend over. He sighed and did as you asked, bracing himself. "You have to relax, Junnie," you reminded him. He nodded and waited but instead of the toy, he felt your finger instead.

It was cold and wet but it surprisingly didn't hurt. It was just weird. It was the first time he'd experienced this but it was the first time he'd had a sexual partner's finger inside him.

He let out a deep breath as you slowly worked your finger inside your boyfriend, concentrating on not hurting him. "I'm gonna add-" you started but Yeonjun shook his head. "Just do it, baby," he said quickly. "If I think too much, I'll change my mind."

The second finger was much more uncomfortable. It still wasn't painful, just really weird. At least until your fingers moved, the pads of your fingers pushing against the inside of his walls, making his head drop and a low moan to escape his lips.

You froze, fingers stilling before you repeated the action, causing your boyfriend to moan again. "Stop teasing me," he whined. "Just put the plug in and get it over with." You shook your head. "Not yet," you answered, ignoring his whines as you continued to scissor your fingers the same way he did when he was preparing you to take his cock for the first time.

"Fuck," Yeonjun hissed as your fingers continued to wiggle and squirm. "Does it hurt?" you asked, pausing momentarily but when he shook his head, you continued fingering and scissoring his hole for a few more minutes. "I think that should be enough," you said more to yourself than to Yeonjun as you pulled your fingers out and wiped them on the towel before grabbing the cock ring.

"I think it needs to go over this first," you said softly as you slowly slipped the ring over the tip of his cock. "Here," Yeonjun said, taking over and sliding the ring down his shaft. "And then these," you added, blushing as he followed your instruction, slipping the second ring over his balls before handing the plug to you.

"Just… be careful," Yeonjun said as you coated the plug with lube. "I'll go slow," you confirmed as you pressed the tip against his hole and slowly pushed it in. "Just breathe," you reminded as his breath hitched. You heard him exhale slowly and pushed the plug in.

It wasn't huge and it slid in easily. Once it was fully in, Yeonjun let out a moan as you sighed in relief. "You okay?" you asked softly. "Just get back over here," he replied. You obliged, settling back down on your back but not before grabbing your phone.

"What are you doing?" Yeonjun asked, eyes wide. "Turning the vibrator on," you answered as you opened the app. Yeonjun was about to answer but the sudden vibration against his prostate made him lose all conscious thought, a moan escaping as he dropped to his hands. You shut the vibrator off and looked up at him.

"Y-you can't just sneak it up on me like that," he mumbled. "Too much?" you asked, pouting when he nodded. You looked at the app on your screen and turned the number down to 1 before turning it on. "What about that?" you asked.

The light buzz of the vibrator was much less noticeable but still enjoyable as Yeonjun regained his focus. "That's a lot better," he said as he shook his head, sitting upright and hooking his hands under the backs of your knees, pulling you closer.

"Don't look so smug," he said as he took his length in his hand and lined the tip with your slit. "You may not even be able to focus when I start fucking you," he added, pushing into you slowly, both your eyes sliding shut as your warm walls enveloped his cock.

You pressed the plus sign on your phone screen, increasing the vibration by one. Yeonjun let out a low moan, head dipping as he lost his focus for a moment.

"Remind me to buy you a vibrator next time."

"If you keep increasing the speed on that, I'm not gonna last," he said, grabbing your hips and thrusting into you, making you cry out as he set a steady rhythm, thrusting into you, trying to focus on the feeling of your cunt gripping his cock and not the vibrating plug in his ass.

Your walls clenched around him again. "Then I guess it's a race to see who cums first," you moaned as your boyfriend snapped his hips forward, meeting his gaze as a smirk formed on his face.

"Let the game begin."

[josecariohca]

personal ramble bc its too long to fit in the tags el oh el ignore pls <3

i can physically feel myself starting to hit a wall the longer i go without a break but like. idk im trying very hard to balance being excited about moving and going to a city i love and adore with my whole heart while also knowing i have so much to do to the point where i havent spoken to any of my friends in. literal months.

im packing and working on college apps and checking in on my grandparents and taking care of my aunts dog who needs physical therapy and making sure the house is kept up and making sure my paperwork is all updated and trying to figure out what to do with my stuff and trying to get last minute doctors appts done, and while i understand that all this stuff is necessary and wont take very long at the end of the day, i also miss my friends so much.

i miss being able to wake up and not have a laundry list of things i need to do. i miss sitting down and writing for fun, and while i have some stuff i want to post its not the same as actively engaging in things. with your friends. i miss downtime. i miss not feeling like i have a countdown clock over my head. i miss talking to people and not feeling like im wasting the very limited amount of time i have.

and like YES i know im so fucking lucky that i can even consider going to grad school in another country and im so lucky to have someplace to move to besides where i am. i knooooow that and i dont take it for granted, but im also so unbelievably tired. im dead on my feet and have been for months. im worried about my grandmother who isnt taking her medication, my grandfather who i can tell is using his denial and fear over the situation to resort to frustration and anger. im worried about my mother being left to live with my aunt while i go. im worried about how hard she works and how poorly she treats herself.

both my parents have told me it will likely be both my grandmothers' last christmas. i havent seen my dads mom in 3 years, and i likely wont even be able to say goodbye to her bc i know my moms mom will need me to stay with her. im staring down the next year with a high likelihood im losing both of them and that fucking terrifies me. im scared that if i get into a school and leave, i will literally never see them again. my grandfather included.

idk im trying not to let myself feel guilty over things ive missed and messages i havent been able to reply to bc i literally dont have the mental capacity to handle that on top of everything im already balancing and all the grief im experiencing while watching my grandmother degrade in real time. i know people miss me and i know people are upset that ive essentially disappeared, but i just dont have the time in the day to do it all and i hate it i hate feeling like ive let people down i hate feeling like i have people waiting on me, my own family included. i hate knowing i cant respond to everyone and i have no other excuses to give besides im just so busy and i cant.

i can only hope that once i leave this place, all the stress of moving will lessen and i can catch my breath a little before getting a job and getting thrown back into the countdown clock again. idk. idk!!!!! it would be nice if i could actually say any of this to my family, but i cant. i know i cant, and they wouldnt get it anyway, which is fine, they have their own issues and stresses and i dont really like disclosing personal stuff to them anyway bc it always bites me in the ass later. but i wish.

idk. i miss my friends. im trying not to feel guilty, but its not working out too well. im moving next week, so i may go quiet for a bit while i try and figure out how i can afford a storage locker so my aunt doesnt throw out everything i own.

hopefully i can catch a break and find some time to do things i actually enjoy, but we'll see.

miss you guys. wish me luck. ♥️

[imaginaryari]

Meet Iris

this is old and i havent touched it in years and needs a touch up

Sunlight

A cup of milk tea in one hand and the other releasing the wards on her shop, Iris starts her day just like usual. Inspecting the shop to see if everything is still in place, prioritizing the garments she’s tasked with today, flipping the Open sign with a flick of a finger. The shop just has Tailor in a scripted font on the door and along with the wards to keep the humans in the area at a distance.

There isn’t much today. The finishing touches of a vest made from greenest grass and the scent of rain and a corset made from the blood of an ex. Her clients always have the most interesting requests but it’s fine. She’s the only one who can complete them without asking dangerous questions.

She calls the two clients in for final fittings and considers giving herself the rest of the day off. That is until a very pristine looking envelope sealed with a red wax stamp flitters onto her workstation. It pains her to open it and ruin the gorgeous seal but the request has high importance. New clients are exciting but royals seeking her out is unexpected.

“Greetings! I’ve seen your work and I’m most impressed with your waterfall dress. I have a request for a dress made from sunshine for my daughters wedding. She and her entourage will be on their way shortly after this letter gets to you.” ~ Queen Iliana

She recalls the dress mentioned fondly. The bodice was made with the blue stone of the north and the skirt the white rushing water that flowed, unrelenting. The most difficult piece she’s ever made. Until this request. Trust the fae to have near unrealistic goals.

Key word: near. She could say no, but the challenge is so deliciously tempting. — Collecting sunlight sounds easy in theory. Set a container out during the day. Wait. Cap before sunset. Enjoy. I guess you suppose collecting rainwater is easy too.

She usually uses sunlight to make accessories, small things to catch the eye. Headbands made of rays to mimic halos. So her items for collecting sunlight aren’t efficient for the task at hand. The pitch black jars seem to taunt her. It would take weeks to collect enough for the dress and then there’s the question of binding.

One thing at a time. She needs something bigger than a jar. And perhaps, assistance.

A bell jingles alerting the shop owner that she’s arrived.

“What can I do for you today Iris?” the shop owner asks.

“A cauldron,” the seamstress says. “The biggest one you can give me, Wanda.”

“Oh? What are you cooking?” Wanda asks, disappearing amongst her endless rows of shelves.

“Not cooking, I’m collecting sunlight.”

“…how much sunlight exactly?” Her voice yells over the aisles.

“Enough to make a dress.”

There’s quiet before Wanda returns with a cauldron more than big enough, wheeled to the front by a charmed flat cart. “Will this do?”

“It’s perfect as always Wanda.”

-

It takes 5 days for Iris to collect the sunlight. Binding it into sheets right before sunset and then storing it away in a special black box. On the last day, she places a prism into the cauldron just to get wisps of a rainbow. The binding for rainbows is a lot trickier because colors want to separate. She succeeds, and thinks it would make a beautiful veil. She takes the next two days to rest.

Next is the spinning, her least favorite part. The wheel has seen better days but hasn’t retired yet. Another cup of milk tea and a playlist of songs of which their genres wouldn’t mix in a blender, she starts the arduous task. When the first ball of light is done she breaks. Stretches. Remembers to stay hydrated.

Moonlight

Collecting moonlight is even more taxing. For one, the moon is a slippery entity never in the sky where it was the day before and not always full. There is a cheat, although Iris wouldn’t call it a cheat. If anything it’s more work than waiting every month for the full moon. She’s on a time crunch and doesn’t have much time. The next full moon she finds herself by the water with crystal clear buckets and determination.

She fills the first by walking out into sea, along the moonlight path, and dragging it back the way she came. It’s heavy and she’s glad to rest it down in the sand to soak up any more of the moon's light. She takes a breath and reaches for the next bucket. Four more to go. The moon is high in the sky when her collecting is done. The buckets emit a silvery glow and she smiles tiredly. Satisfied that she’s gotten enough to work with and that she’s gotten enough exercise for the week, she carefully seals them and loads them into Wanda’s van. She crashes like the waves onto her bed when she gets home.

Working with moonlight is far easier. Shades are unnecessary as it is nowhere near as bright and moonlight is cool as opposed to the warm rays from the sun. Spinning is much smoother and she relishes the touch of the silver light and the shine it leaves on her hands.

Stardust

Oriana is a celestial witch. Quite in tune with the darkness of space and all celestial bodies. Iris and Wanda can tell just how powerful she is. It’s just that she spends her time among humans as an astrologist. A great hustle, for witches like her. She gets the money and sows tiny seeds of conflict and chaos. Iris has yet to formally meet Oriana and Wanda hasn’t spoken to her in years because,

“Your Scorpio sun and Gemini moon still do not vibe with me dear Wanda.” Oriana says. “Who’s your triple Aquarius friend? I’m absolutely terrified right now.” Her eyes widen almost comically.

“Oriana, her name is Iris and she needs a favor.” Wanda says after a sigh.

“I’m a seamstress and I was asked to make a dress made from stardust. I was told you were the most powerful celestial witch in this area.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere. Even if you don’t mean it.” Oriana says with too bright a smile. “So…you want some from me? You know I can’t part with something as rare as stardust. As a celestial witch it’s unheard of!”

“I want to know how to collect it myself.” Iris says cutting her off.

“Oh…a first. Well, there are many ways!” Oriana starts pacing around her home, looking for something Iris and Wanda could only guess.

“You could get on a rocket ship although that’s excessive you’re a seamstress not an astronaut. You could wait for a comet to pass earth the collect the dust that rains down but you know that���s nearly impossible and not for the impatient. Oh! you could find a meteorite and grind the dust yourself- “

“That! That one seems most plausible.” Iris says, cutting her off once again. “Would you know where to look?”

Oriana pops out from a ridiculously huge chest, pulling out an object as big as a baseball. “Apparently in here,” she says. “Like I said I can’t part with rare material like this but I can at least show you what it looks like.”

“Looks like any old rock.” Wanda murmurs.

“That’s the beauty of it, no?” Oriana says tossing up and catching it like a baseball.

[a-very-tired-raven]

Okay, since ive been getting a lot of love for my ary lately, id like to give you guys some top ary blogs ive followed for years, that i feel they dont get enough love.

Keep in mind that these are not in order from best to least, just in numbered order to make things easy.

(Another thing! While i may have found the majority of these blogs from undertale content, i need you to understand that a lot of these either dont do undertale art as frequently as they used to, or not at all. So please dont go in expecting that these are all undertale blogs based on MY intrests. Thank you.)

1. @springbon-t-art /@thecoolerspringbon-t has WONDERFUL roundhouse like style, and her fanart and characters range from all over(cuphead and bendy and the ink machine are just two examples, she has so much more unrecognized works and animatics on youtube that i think deserves much more love)

2. @twitchydoodle i havent visted this wonderful blog in a while, but i have followed for a good time(lets just say for a few years lol) so i cant say for sure what art is posted there at this moment, HOWEVER, i CAN say that twitchy has a Breathtaking art style, and has some of the most interesting and fleshed out ocs!!! Definitely check em out!

3. @calcium-cat i know cals been gettin a little bit more attention over the last year or so, but i still think she deserves much more recognition for her art. She has wonderful and thought out fanfics, not to mention the funny and well drawn fanart she posts for them!

4. @glitchysquidd I dont pop in as often as i used to, but glitchy's blog is one ive looked up to for a while. Here you can find very well written fnaf fics and fanart, chill energ(not to mention hilarious shenanigans),and a very unique and distinct artstyle.(seriously broski ive used your art for reference so many time 😭🤚🏽-). I suggest you guys head down to the basement and enjoy the tour.

5. @meatygutsy oh gee where do i even start- this blog has some of the most unique and well thought out ocs i think ive seen in a very long time. The artstyle here and style of coloring and shading is like nothing else. All of the colors pop and go together just right, not to mention the well fleshed out backstorys of each character.

6.@glaucus22 while this blog certainly isnt as active as it used to be, this is yet another artist that ive used as reference for countless times. They have a very distinct artstyle, and put much thought into their characters and their lore. I highly recommend going through the art tags here and taking a peek, along with a reblog or two!!!

7. @ijustwannahavefunn another blog with VERY well thought out and styled ocs, and a to die for artstyle. I also recommend checkjng out their youtube channel, which has VERY smooth animations and animatics. Definitely a hidden gem.

8. @vrnicky is a very good friend of mine that is WAY WAY WAY too unrecognized. They dont get NEARLY enough love for the anount of love and hard work they out into their characters and art. Please show em some love for me!!!

9. @loupy-mongoose is a favorite pokemon ary blog of mine. While you might find mostly mewtwo and mew stuff, please know that this is because of this creators mewtwo comic. You may know what im takling about if you know about similar more popular blogs (@/xxtc-96xx @/mewtwoandme and more ) but what separates this blog from many others is their very very different story, and an artstyle that'll put you at ease. Not to mention unique and well thought out mew and mewtwo designs.

And lastly, for now at least ,10. @whiteartblood an art blog that i havent visted in a couple months. This creator has some of the best undertale art i swear. One of my favorite styles!! A very lovely and instantly recognizable artstyle(that again, i have used for reference...i dont even know how many times), and even better ocs.

Now i know there are so many more blogs that are deserving of recognition, but its late and i cant look up 50 usernames at the moment.

However, while you are not obligated to, I sincerely hope you go show these guys some love(and reblogs!!!!!!!) For me. These guys have been a very big influence on my art, artists ive looked up to for YEARS now, and luckly for me some of them even being friends of mine, which im so very thankful for.

Ill definitely be making another post like this, with more writing inclusion and even more deeply hidden gems that require some digging.

I apologize for any typos that are unfortunately guaranteed as thats kind've what im known for lmao <- has made a fool of herself countless times) and i cant help but feel nervous that these talented people will see them, but know ive done the best ive can.

Thank you, and have a great time everyone!

[panjakes]

BK SJY CH.6

Parings: dog hybird!jake x black fem!reader

Genre: hybrid au; bestfriends to lovers au; fluff, angst, crack

Ch warnings: Cursing

HYBED HYBIRDS MASTERLIST Previous Next

Yn's Older sister walks into the house with the biggest smile on her face

"What're you smiling for?" Yn asks

"Nothing just seen christian" She says making yn roll her eyes

"Dont you have a boyfriend?" She asks

"Yeah, doesnt mean christian isnt cute" She says

"Whatever Milyn, your like a year older than him" Yn mumbles

"So?!?! Speaking of, where's jake? I havent seen him since I've gotten home" She says making yn roll her eyes

"We're not friends anymore" Yn mumbles making her older sister go wide eye

"WHAT?! Your lying! You two have been attached at the hip since he was a puppy?!" She shouts

"Well now someone else is attached to his hip" Yn says putting her books back into her bookbag

"What do you mean?" She asks

"He has a new girlfriend who's using him and when I told him he went off on me. He basically pick her over me.” Yn explains making her sister smirk

"Is she using him or are you jealous of the new girl in his life?" She asks making yn groan

"That bitch is using him. She's fake. Everything aboout her is fake. Everything from her fake blond hair to her fake personality. Im just looking out for my bestfriend, well Ex- bestfriend" yn says making the older girl smirk

"Yeah whatever, lets go shopping" She says confusing yn

"for what?" She asks

"For your makeover" She says making yn roll her eyes

"I dont need a makeover Milyn" She says waving her sister off

"You do, your beautiful but when's the last time you've had your hair done?" She says making the girl stop in her tracks

The last time she had her hair done was for school and that had to be about a month or two ago.

"I'm gonna get your hair, nails, and toes done. I'll even buy you a few new outfits" She says smiling

"What do you want Milyn?" Yn asks with a whine knowing there had to be a motive behind it

"To make jake regret ever leaving your side" She says smirking

"I like the way you think, lets go" yn says grabbing her keys from the hook and they were off to the mall.

"No jake, I dont want that girl in my house right now" Jakes mom says

"Why?" he asks with a pout

"Because she's annoying" Christian says coming into the room

"She is not!" Jake says

"She is! and she's rude! I heard what she said to my yn Honestly how can you even put up with her?" His mom asks

"Are you saying you dont like my girlfriend?" He asks

"She's your girlfriend?!?! What happened to yn?" the women asks now on another level of upset

"Yn had a boyfriend. That guy was so stupid" Jake mumbles

"And you were jealous of him" Christian says smirking

"No" Jake says making his brother laugh

"Your tail says other wise" He points making jake growl at him

"Your father doesnt like her either, he said he caught her snooping around" His mom says making him frown

"Snooping around?" He asks

"Yeah stupid like sneaking around our house" Christian says

"Dont call me stupid" Jake shouts

"Well you are, fucking idoit" Christian says making jake jump on him

"Hey! Stop all that fighting!" His mom says pulling the two hybrids apart

"He started it" Jake says

"I dont care! That little girl cant come over and thats final" she says making jake pout

"Well How are we going to study?" Jake asks

"Jake you have a 4.0 I doubt you even need to study" His mother says rolling her eyes

"O-okay well we had plans to study today”Jake says

"I dont care, you better go over there" She says confusing jake

"How am I gonna get there? Yn was my ride everywhere" He says making his mother shrug

"Ask you brother"

"I'm not taking you no where" Christian says leaving the room

jake sighs storming off up to his room, flopping onto his bed. He pulls out his phone immediately calling Cassidy

“Hey baby, are you still coming over?” She asks

“No, I don’t have a ride” Jake sighs

“Can’t you catch an Uber?” She asks

“I don’t have the money right now” Jake admits.

Jake had to quit his job because he either couldn’t get there on time or get their at all. His ride to work was Yn and when they stopped talking she obviously stopped taking him to work.

His family had only two cars. His parents shared a car and Christian had his own car but their schedules always clashed so he had to quit.

“Well what about my homework? You have it and it’s due in the morning” Cassidy whines and it honestly annoyed Jake

“I’ll just do it and give it too you before class tomorrow” Jake says

“Your such a sweetheart thank you pup” she says making the golden retriever cringe

“Yeah no problem” Jake mumbles before hanging up

Jake gets startled by his brother coming into his room slamming his door

“What Christian” he asks rolling his eyes

“Get dressed loser, Milyns in town and we’re having dinner across the street” Christian says

“I’m not going” Jake says

“Well dad said you are and you don’t want to make him mad so you better be ready at 7:30” he says leaving the room and leaving the door wide open

Jake groans getting up to slam his door. He sighs dreading seeing Yn again. He honestly missed Yn. He missed being at her house, being in her room, he even missed car rides with her. He just missed her.

He quick freshens up and gets dressed. He kept checking his appearance in the mirror. His dad opens the door stepping into the mirror to check himself too.

He looks his son up and down before nodding

“You look nice” he says patting him on the back

“Thanks dad” he says

“Oh yeah and uh jakey?” The man says coming back

“Yeah?”

He grabs the boy by the collar of his sweater bringing him closer to his ear

“You better apologize to Yn and I’m not playing” he says making Jake wince

“Y-yes dad” he says

“Great, we miss Yn around here” he says leaving the room

After 20 minutes the whole family was ready and out the door. Every step jake took the more his hands started sweat. Soon they reached the familiar house and Jake let out a deep breath hoping it wasn’t Yn who opened the door.

The door opens and it was Milyn, her sister.

“Milyn!!! My gosh your still so beautiful!” Jakes mother says bringing the older girl into a hug

“Thank you Mama Sim” she says returning the hug and allowing the family of four into the house. Jake sighs wiping his hands on his pants. He hadn’t been here in so long.

“Are those my friends?!” Jake hears from the kitchen

Soon Yn’s mother comes out immediately going to hug his mother. It made him smile. The two family’s were so different but yet still so close

“Where’s Yn? I haven’t seen her in a while” jakes dad asks

“Oh she’s in her room playing in her new hair due” Yn’s mother says throwing her hand

“New hair due?” His mom says

“Girl yes, Milyn took her too the mall and got her a makeover” she says

Makeover? What kind of makeover

“Milyn stop flirting with Christian and go get your sister” her mother says stopping the flirting between the two. Milyn stops her conversation with his brother and runs up the stairs

“How’ve you been jakey we miss you around here” Yn’s dad says

“I’ve been good” Jake says nodding

“He found himself a girlfriend and don’t talk to nobody” his dad says

“Girlfriend? I thought Yn-Girlfriend?” Yn’s dad says confused

“We all were confused” Christian whispers

“I got her!!!” Milyn says smiling as she came down the stairs first. Jake’s head turns looking over at Yn as she walked down the stairs.

His ears fell against his head and his jaw hit the floor. Not only was Yn rocking a new hair due but a new color. Her natural hair falling to her shoulders in curls which Jake has never seen. Her hair was always in braids.

Her outfit was different from her usual style but it definitely suited her. He was so use to seeing her in baggy jeans and joggers with a baggy sweater or hoodie.

This makeover was different, but he liked it. He loved it. He loved it on her.

“Oh my! Yn look at you!” Jakes mother says

“Hi Mrs.Sim” Yn says smiling and hugging his mom

“Aw shit girl I like this color on you” Christian says getting nudge by his father about his language. Yn goes around the room hugging everyone but Jake. She gets to him and holds out her hand shocking everyone including him.

Jake slowly raised his hand and shakes hers. They were really on a different level now. He couldn’t even get hug anymore. Is their friendship really over now?

“Uhh let’s eat!” Yn’s dad says

“Yes, please” Milyn says rushing over to the table

Everyone goes over to the dinning room sitting at the table. Milyn pushes Yn out the way taking the seat next to Christian. The only seat that was available was across the jake.

“Milyn you know that’s my seat!” Yn says

“But I wanna sit next to Chris” Milyn whines

“I don’t care, get up” Yn whispers

“Yn have a seat” her mother says making her roll her eyes and walk over to the seat across from Jake. It was obvious tension between the ex besties

Everyone talked and made their plates. Jakes eyes were on Yn the entire time. He knew his best friend was beautiful but the new color and outfit enhanced her beauty

“So Milyn! Your attending inception state? How is it out there?” Jakes dad asks

“Oh it’s wonderful, the campus is so big and my dorm looks like an apartment. My professors are so nice and helpful, I love it there” Milyn says

“That’s great, Christian got accepted there. If he decides to go there maybe you can help him around” Jakes dad says

“Oh yeah no I want to go to inception state” Christian says winking at Milyn causing her to giggle.Jake and Yn both gagged watching their siblings flirt.

Jake looks over at Yn as the both giggle at what they just did but Yn quickly remembers the situation they’re in and quickly stops laughing and glared at jake.

Jakes phones go off and he hurry’s and checks it under the table

My girlfriend:Where are you?

Me:Dinner at Yn’s

My girlfriend: why the fuck are you over there?

My girlfriend: are you still talking to her

My girlfriend: What the hell is wrong with you?

My girlfriend: are you seriously not answering

My girlfriend: did you at least do my homework?

Jake shakes his head putting away his phone. This was going to be a very long dinner tonight.

I think blind kindness might be my favorite out of the series. Chapter 7 will be on @brownsugarbaybee’s blog so stay tuned

[beatheprincess]

My weekend was bleh -_- i was just annoyed at everything , living with 5 people sucks and constantly having to wait on everything because its already in use and my mom act like ima get a job on the spot tmrw like literally these ppl gotta look over my application !! I'm a teen girl w no experience and I'm hoping at least some professional place can give me experience (training) to get better 😭 whenever my mom tells me things I already know what to do it pisses me off because I take it as control and pressure instead of help and support. Being nitpicked at everything makes me feel like burden >:(

Another thing I have been thinking about is my bio parent, When someone you havent seen in years reach out to you at legal age it definitely impacts your life this shit is not normal and is so common in the black community; I dont think anyone truly realizes how important it is to have both bio parents in your life, I cannot call this person a man cus they aren't and I do not trust them the things they said/did they jus expect me to forget :/ and I dont want nothing to do w them ever again and it's truly ashame I can't have a good relationship w them and I'm in the process of accepting not having them in my life and moving forward, I also hold my mom accountable for her part as well and I talked to my grandma about it and she's on my side 100% and I feel like in the future this is gna be an ongoing topic , I've gone thru alot in 3 months n felt so lonely from it but I'll be okayy.(authentic segment over)

Good things that happened ! I have cute new unicorn jacket imma wear alot till I get tired of it (I love unicorns 💟) i was also able to get into littlespace and feel v comfortable about my soft aesthetics and dressing cutely ♡♡♡ I was also able to buy things I needed this weekend and wash clothes n my sunday self care routine so yay ! I hope this week is a good one and I dont feel like crap, this is my last week of fall classes for this semester so thank GOD ! >.< I hope you guys had a great weeknd and thanks to the ppl checking on me. 💜💜💜 wuv chu

[originsofevil]

Intro <3 !

I go by Michelangelo or any variation of that

(usually michael/mikey but names dont mean much to me)

but i recently found out that i'm the host of a system so if any tags are signed off with a different name thats why

dont care too much abt pronouns but i typically use he/him, ve/vir, and xe/xir/xem. mix it up, get creative. typically dont use she/her but ynever know

body is 21, we're an aries if u wanna make any judgement off of that, autistic + adhd if that wasnt obvious

i do post occasional nfsw/suggestive content, never anything too crazy but if youre a minor id prefer if you didnt interact with those posts, i have no way of enforcing this as i dont check my notifs unless theres tags but i am a full adult, i do pay rent and bills and taxes. on that topic i probably wont follow you if youre under like. 16/17ish. no hard feelings i just am an adult and im not around kids very much as the 2nd youngest of 4 so. if youre under 16 dont do drugs stay in school all that good stuff. i love you, go to bed on time. i've been on this website since i was 11 and it shows. dont be me.

dms are always open ! i'm not amazing at holding a conversation unless its abt my current hyperfixation (rn its zelda/lu) but i love to yap. if you follow me and we're not mutuals dm/ask me and ill follow back! I don't rly pay attention to my followers so i typically don't follow ppl unless theyre consistently posting abt one of my interests and i remember to

I talk in the tags a LOT feel free to <- prev or rb addressing my tags but i typically assume no one will read them all the way through. i'm writing whole essays. im oversharing. call op a college admissions office bc I'm telling my whole life story. if my tags make you uncomfortable on your post please let me know and i will apologize/delete them if you wish. i dont have a concept of tmi and tend to misread/miss social cues/the vibes so i apologize if i misstep

please let me know if i reblog any stolen artwork/ai generated anything/ etc

‼️‼️i am not spoiler free for anything (even if i myself havent seen the content) i dont have any sort of tagging system ‼️

list of my active fandoms! old hyperfixations tend to creep up on me so this is not complete

- bungo stray dogs (bsd beast fans pls follow me i adore beast)

- legend of zelda (all games + lu/links meet aus)(legend fans pspspsp)

- the witcher (mainly the show but i got attached to a character thats not even actually in any of the games. aiden i love you.)

- cars (2006, 2011, 2017)(yes entirely unironically)

- Voltron legendary defender. (again. yes. unironically.)

- star wars (mainly the main series and animation since i havent read thr or played the games)

- jujutsu kaisen (2nd years stan)

- the magnus archives (gerry delano fans i love you)

- percy jackson (mainly the books and musical, i dont care for the show much but i adore the actors)

- gravity falls ! (i actually just got into this like, last month. binged the whole series in like a week at age 21.)

- my hero academia (my hs best friend made me watch s1 and i got attached to aizawa hawks and the todorokis sorry)(im convinced the todorokis were based on my family. im literally natsuo. dont ask abt dabi unless u think you're prepared)

Non Fandom Interests

- I write ! once i start uploading ill link my ao3 here but its rough out here (microsoft word)

- I draw ! i mightve posted my art a few times but as i mentioned i dont have any tagging system so maybe I'll make one for art or link another social at some point

- this mostly falls under loz but i love video games :3 i MOSTLY play loz but animal crossing, minecraft, and random silly da games ive collected over the years are my pride and joy. i want to play the witcher games but i have assassins creed black flag and im really bad at it. (i only have nintendo consoles (ds, 3ds, switch) rn but i want a decent pc at some point. the sims calls to me.

- Politics! my politics are very important to me as a leftist so if you're right wing we will not get along. if i find out that youre racist/homophobic/transphobic/a zionist (i am jewish)/sexist/etc i will probably block you. id say no hard feelings but i dint mean that.

I will probably update this as needed/whenever i remember to <3 ty if u read this and i love you have a great day

[etherealising]

bestie, my ass got wine drunk for my birthday yesterday and omg the day ive had. i literally have had the worst headache and have felt like throwing up all day LOL but last night while my friend and i were drinking, we watched la la land and i started crying about THAT guy and how confused he made me. mainly bc la la land felt too real and it reminded me of me and him. and then my friend was being so sweet abt everything. we called her bf to get another mans perspective on everything. and he was like he either likes you and never got the chance to tell you or hes gay LOL. so that was the birthday i had, it was slay ig ? how has your life been queen? i literally havent talked to you in so so long - <3 anon

bestie nooo, i hope that wine was fucking good though and that your birthday was even better!! ohhh babes i hope you’re taking great care of yourself stay hydrated and get some food in your system and a goodnights sleep bestie!! 🫶🏽

going to be completely honest with you my love i’ve never seen la la land, so i can’t fully understand, but regardless i hope that crying session was more therapeutic rather than debilitating, alcohol really does just have you feeling all kinds of ways. also shoutout to you for having great friends who always have your back and shoutout to her bf for feeding into the chisme that gay allegation was crazy though lol.

as for me i cried today because i still haven’t found a big girl job post grad. so i’m kinda going through a bit of a post grad depresh atm, but i’m just trying to remind myself that i had the privilege to even obtain my degree and cry over something as simple as being jobless when others don’t have the same freedoms as me. just been a lot of reminding myself that my world isn’t ending. eww but anyways just here writing my cute little fic and trying to understand when entry level became 3-5 years of experience, and i have my graduation ceremony next month which is kind of fun to look forward to i guess.

also apologies for the expose on my feelings and life, i hope school is going great for you and you’re doing well my love! 🤍🫶🏽

[lockedtowers]

OUAT VERSE WRITE UP

remember: all references to canon characters, i am PURELY referring to an NPC version OR my own version, available at @familiarache, i would NEVER force ANYTHING written here on your muse. if u wanna play around w that, lmk, otherwise, i'm not basing anything off what have listed here that may mention my char w yours. thx.

There's THREE sections here. to make it easier on everyone, this is the BULLET POINT version, aka main information necessary for plot purposes, not the full write up of everything upon everything that happens.

Feel free to jump to whatever sector you want. The three forms are WONDERLAND, MISTHAVEN, and STORYBROOKE.

I do not follow the wonderland shown in the spin off show. I do not know everything about everything involving ouat (I've seen like half seasons at a time, all of s1, all of Jefferson's episodes, and like, half of s2 beyond jefferson. This is primarily been pre plotted info with my bestie Tinker, who has watched this show in its entirety, she's not on tumbs rn but anyways. I know it's canon divergent to a lot of pre est canon in concerns to wonderland. That's like, a lot of the point lol.) (this is also like the one verse where cassie was actually raised by her parents and that clearly did not help her in any way.)

I do also do base versions with zero backstory for ppl if they want, okay, i care more about your comfort than mine. pls dont hate me.

WONDERLAND

Princess of Spades, Cheshire Cat. Her twin brother is the Dormouse. The actual Hatter is Thomas Madigan, the father of Maddox, Jefferson, and Reve (as well as a daughter i havent settled on a name yet, bc she's a crossover in the plot w tinker, but for rp reasons i have to actually make her a character lol). A man obsessed with time, has perfectly timed all of his childrens births so they're separated by exactly 3 years (give or take a few months obvi.) (Also important to note; my jefferson at least, again, found on my sideblog, was parentified. technically thomas tried to make maddox parent his brothers, but maddox was too self possessed to do that. jefferson raised reve. also yes im saying jefferson is the middle child he radiates middle child energy.)

her mother is the queen of spades, and her 'father' is the red king. he is not her biological father, and he is aware of that. it was his idea. she is unaware. her biological father is the white knight, vas moraj. he was responsible for the first destruction that put the Reds in power in the first place, as he's the Jabberwock. He's also one of the last of the Wonderland Fae, which follow a different set of rules to the misthaven fae. bc logically why would creatures of entirely separate realms all follow the same guidelines i just want to have a talk w them but lbr they couldnt maintain characterization between episodes so

wonderland is a matriarchal society. Aleksander was the only born son of the Red Queen. They had to find another female royal to take over, and Feina agreed to marry him so he could at least maintain his home. she had no interest. he was only ever able to produce one child with her, and it was a boy, Lucien. Men cannot inherit in Wonderland, and since he couldn't produce another heir, he suggested Vas.

vas is the white knight, and in charge of the court. and was clearly overly protective of the twins when they were born, but cassandra more so. he had his own internal reasoning for agreeing. he's not great either but he's better than some people.

whilst royals in wonderland are known to have a lot more free will than other lands (the land is considered upside-down to others), feina never let cassandra leave the castle. feina's own ulterior motives required completely breaking down cassandras psyche, but whilst she never taught cassandra transfiguration, the fae alignment led her to learn she could turn into a cat, thus she started sneaking out.

her 'friend' is the duchess, who would let her hide away in her home as her 'pet cat'. cassandra would oft sneak into the woods for fun.

maddox was in the process of getting knighted. he became obsessed with the idea of being the next knight, as well as marrying the princess, an idea thomas put into his head. jefferson thought it was hilarious.

when their sister tasked jefferson with help to sneak off during a ball, jefferson saw cassandra for the first time, and was naturally curious abt why tf his brother was obsessed w her.

around the time he knew his sister would return, he saw his sister, cassandra, and duchess returning. he saw a cat climb up the tower, and a girl enter it.

jefferson, being extra as shit and a massive red flag, used one of his old enchanted hats to sneak up into her window and meet her. cassie, who decided in that moment that flag was her favorite shade of red, thought it was cute. someone help her.

they became friends. he'd sneak in to visit her constantly.

at some point, her mother finds out she's been sneaking out, and her her guard, illosovic stayne, essentially uhhh break her body to bits for it. that's what causes the scar on her eye, which is the main wound that vas wasn't able to fix. he noticed something amiss with aleksander, and found her tied up, stayne essentially trying to kill her, and he brought her away while aleksander had stayne arrested.

that was her first tryst with human blood, btw, great healant for fae, fixes almost everything, she already had heterochromia but her right eye was now a silvery icy blue instead of just a completely different shade of blue.

vas had a thing and the madigans were invited. he had cassie 'make an example' out of stayne, and she was wearing a dress jefferson made for her. cassie took staynes eyeball, which she preserved and turned into a necklace, bc she's not normal, but she didn't kill him. she debated it, as vas left it up to her, but she decided living in exile would be worse for him. vas named maddox as stayne's replacement.

feina was NOT happy to be undermined mind you.

jefferson, at some point, bc a lot of the normal plot i made w tinker i'm not putting into the rp verse, for 'theres a lot of ship stuff' reasons, and even tho its my own version of jeffy i wanna leave openings yknow-- anyways, he leaves wonderland. cassie ofc is heartbroken cause since that thing, her friends wont talk to her, they're a little bit scared of her.

she also started training bc vas did not want her to be at risk of harm again.

maddox obsessions became worse. he took full advantage of her sadness re jefferson leaving (without her, because he said he'd take her with him, then didn't, because of Maddox) to get her interested in him. but the more obsessive he got over her, the more she started to push him away because it freaked her out.

jack, who i am keeping this bit here bc i can, is regina's half-brother, and came to wonderland. as far as either is aware he's her full brother but that boy is white, that aint your full brother regina. he, in some way, knew that this is where his mother would end up eventually. he looked enough like the original prince of hearts that he killed him and took his place.

he met maddox, actually before jefferson left that was a thing, saw an opportunity, and wrecked maddox's mental state further to make him his spy. he also had maddox murder his own father (and, seemingly, younger brother) which maddox doesnt even remember doing for the most part until he tries to sleep at night and the visions haunt him. that's pmuch what makes jefferson leave btw

eventually, seemingly the entirety of the kingdom was slaughtered. maddox 'gets cassie out', and she sees what she thinks are the real bodies of her family members as she's taken out to the tulgey wood. maddox questions her about something, and she's too busy freaking out to actually know what he's saying or respond to him in any coherent way. she starts panicking and fighting back when he grabs her and starts dragging her off, and when she pushes him away he asks her if she loves him. she does NOT have an answer for that, and Jack appears, talking to her, and with one command, Maddox's resolve breaks and he cuts her neck open.

Jack has already made a deal with Feina, he knows she wont stay dead. Jack has her locked in a room in the castle, and keeps her prisoner there with the intention of marrying her to further secure his position in the court. The Hearts had been taken over, and Cora was now the Queen of Hearts. She did NOT get jack's obsession, but didn't really question it either. It kept him busy and out of her way.

Jefferson came back to wonderland, now as a portal jumper, to steal something from her mom. he found out what happened, and promised to get her out.

this time he actually followed through on that, good job, jeffy.

MISTHAVEN

jack had these iron cuffs on her that kept her powers at bay and made her extremely weak, so yeah first things first was jefferson bringing her to rumple to get those off, bc enchanted. he couldnt pick a lock. there was no lock.

i.................... hated jeffersons prequel comic, tbh, you can't convince me that man knows what renting is i'm sorry. that cottage of his has always been his. he did bring cassie to live with him, tho.

and she was n o t in good shape at all, so when graham would walk past that cottage on the daily and occasionally see her staring out the window, like he thought the worst. rightfully so. sorry jeffy.

eventually she did start leaving the cottage, and actually did meet and talk to graham from then on. he thought she was weird, but her weirdness was endearing.

f r i e n d s

he brought her to The Vale Tavern in town, where she met Lavinia, local witch, and Luke, a werewolf from the den Graham was raised in, who also left. Lavinia's magic is what kept his transformations at bay.

Further proof that cassie is surprisingly endearing, bc they both got attached to her too.

also jefferson was not and never was happy that she befriended graham, but that's because jeffy is jeffy. you just have to feel bad for the ppl he annoys a lot. like rumple probably had to listen to so much complaining everytime he hired him to collect shit. smh

lavinia and luke plotted together to get cassie away from jefferson, bc funnily enough not a lot of people actually like him. lavinia figured out the faerie genes and decided to teach cassie how to use witch glamour, in hopes cassie would figure out fae glamour. she did.. mostly, and the vale tavern's owner essentially gave the business to her.

jefferson did agree and encourage her to move into the apartment above the tavern, and she didn't understand why he would say that. jealousy, mostly, he was still mad about graham, and they were literally just friends like boy calm down the world doesn't revolve around you.

jefferson met (tinkers) alice. grace was 100% an accident. also important to note, cassie was massively in love with alice, and she was not happy. like she's in love w jeffy too dont get me wrong, but she was p i s s e d when he started going out w alice.

(Again, this is is all my versions of these characters, i'm not forcing anything on yall, if you like it tho, lmk)

she was way too hurt by jeffy/alice, but also knew jeffersons a littleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee reckless. so she put lavinia in charge of the tavern, stole his hat, and took over the portal jumping-- on account of all money earned going to... alice, technically. lol.

also, she was a lot worse during this time. girlie did not care at ALL. got really good at murder, actually. kinda hot, ngl

one of the hits, they had iron weapons, and conveniently (someone sent him) jefferson got there and brought her home. he knew human blood would heal her, but when he tried to feed her his blood, it didn't work. alice took over and gave her hers.

jefferson got cassie out of her deal, and she wasn't happy about it.

jefferson was running out of money quickly since he wasnt portal jumping anymore, and got the brilliant idea to go steal a magical artifact from wonderland. because knowing the land was ravaged by a murderous queen and your older brother is a great reason to go back to it.

obviously, that idiot got himself kidnapped by his brother, and locked in the 'eternal teaparty'

alice noticed he wasnt back, and had cassie watch baby grace when she went to go find him.

alice gets jefferson out-- and maddox stabs her in the abdomen for it. cassie was taking care of grace at the time (with graham, in some versions) and suddenly collapsed at the same time, her own blood spilling in the same area alice's was. Alice shoved Jefferson into the portal so he could get back to Grace.

yeah jeffersons mental state wasnt great after that. cassie was NOT letting him take care of grace for awhile. It did drive a wedge between her and graham, especially, because he was trying to help her and she was getting too bitey over it. kind of how graham ends up leaving the area altogether. thanks jefferson.

grace gets older, jefferson delves headfirst into being best dad, thank GOD, cassie keeps helping him out w funds and stuff. and grace. mostly grace.

bs w regina happens finally, jefferson gets trapped in wonderland. again.

cassie came to the cottage to find grace wasnt there, found her with the neighbors and took her. when grace told her everything, cassie was instantly suspicious.

all that time passed. the wiki claims it was two years, i tried to figure out the whole timeline of season ones antics and i did not get two years, but the wiki is more official than i am, so. idk how thats two years, but grace did not age by two years in that time i dont think abc knows how quickly kids age. anyways, however fucking long passes, and cassie only didnt go looking for him bc grace would freak out abt being left again.

cassie finally convinced grace to go stay w the neighbors again, and she'd figure it out. she wouldn't abandon her, and if she didn't come back quickly, she still would always come back.

this is like, just before regina essentially lets charming and snow win, fyi

cassie got a meeting w regina, still was sus about it all, and got the BRIGHT idea to threaten her. When she went to leave, she saw graham.

she snuck back in later after being kicked out in 'warning'. she found graham, tried to figure out wtf happened, and promised she'd get him out. he tells her about his heart, and she decides to go looking for it.

she DOES find it, again, conveniently. for a reason.

she hands it to graham, telling him they need to get out. she'd have time to find jefferson, she was running out of time to help him, and right now, he was first.

got ambushed. she did stun and/or kill most of the guards trying to stop them, mostly killed the ones trying to kill graham, to be fair.

one 'guard' did get her, in the same spot as alice. with an iron blade. yes, it was maddox. jack came in with regina, delighted at the turn of events.

jack took cassie, reminding regina of the deal they made when she did cast her curse, and took cassie with him. she was kept locked up well until the curse hit.

STORYBROOKE

yeah that entire 28 years emma wasn't there, she was in the 'lower hospital' area. maddox is regina's personal guard, and jack is.. i think councilman is the right term, idk, i'll check later. i have it in my doc for this verse lol.

jefferson, ofc, is free now. has everything but his family. he honestly didn't know where cassie was at first until he started sneaking around the town, trying to figure out if anyone else had both lives stuck in their head.

also i feel like they missed an opportunity for him to be plotting with rumple but thats not for this blog that'd be for the sideblog where jefferson actually is.

anyways, he did discover cassie was down there. he also discovered pretty quickly, upon watching all the tapes jack had made of her 'therapy sessions', that she remembered everything, too.

she didn't talk for years. She had a complete shut down while in there. Jack would see her constantly to taunt her. she just shut down.

despite everything, graham, while in his cursed head, still visited her every single week. though he believed she was his high school friend, Chelsea Contarini, who got put in the hospital after her parents died when she was 17.

when Emma made time start moving again, and actually right around the time graham almost died (bc i circumvent his death for my graham, u did enough to him abc) jefferson decided that was the BEST time to just... let cassie out.

which, ofc, didn't turn out well, and Graham had to arrest her, bc great job jefferson just let her out and tell her where to go that'll get her sO FAR.

this means graham had to convince emma to help him get cassie out of the hospital, meaning collecting all of the documents that were created for this world.

one Emma paid especial mind to was that the hospital paperwork claimed, after her parents died at 17, Jack was supposed to marry her, she tried to kill him, and they put her in there. And that she'd been in there for ten years. Jack was NOT aware that that was the age Regina had put down. But as far as Emma saw it, Graham's friend had been locked up since she was in high school, he had barely graduated a few years earlier, and evil wicked regina had an evil wicked brother who also stole the youth of another girl. cassie didn't understand jack shit of what was happening, but later on when graham explained it to her, she did decide regina also must hate jack to do that to him.

she wasn't entirely wrong tbf, regina chose violence in that instance, she knew jack would have betrayed her if given the chance, he's allergic to loyalty

also the fact cassie is a fuck lot older than that (wonderlander lol) like she didnt get the age thing at all. but she wasn't sure if she could lie since all the magic was gone in that world, and didn't want to risk it, so she just kept quiet.

also that file claimed the eye injury was a fight in high school, and her neck injury was from surgery. like jacks a piece of garbage.

graham had to go find jefferson and bring him to her in order to get her to start talking again, bc she was not talking when emma tried to talk to her, or anyone, really. she did NOT want that used against her. Jefferson had to give her pointers on how she could talk and what to say to twist the truth just enough to get out.

after the trial and everything, cassie gets out. she goes off to live with jefferson, because of course she went w the guy who did almost nothing. but she hands around graham a lot. much to jeffersons chagrin.

also she refuses to go by chelsea, but the only way she was able to go by anything else was to say "C.C.' because it technically could be her storybrooke intials, but it's also the initials of 'cheshire cat'.

[savethepinecones]

i have been tasked with scanning all of my grandmother's handwritten recipe books (there are four plus a basket full of camping recipes and several other loose papers that the rest of the family has found while cleaning her house) and i spent like seven hours today scanning and formatting hundreds of recipes while everyone around me hauled stuff out of the house. at one point i tried to help the others by taking some of the decades worth of magazines from the basement to the truck we were using to transport everything and after three or four trips up and down the stairs i was forced to remember that i do in fact have asthma and doing that sort of thing will leave me wheezing and miserable for a good half hour after i finally give up. on the other hand a solid majority of my family is mormon and the several of us that arent try to be respectful by not swearing around them etc and over the past several days weve all been in town ive witnessed several swears both accidental and intentional and im living for the reactions. my mom keeps swearing out of habit and being absolutely horrified that one of her siblings might have heard her. my aunt said fuck at church (this one was secondhand knowledge since i didnt go to church myself ofc). my cousin whose queerness rivals my own was very diligent about not swearing up until we were the only people in the room and then proceeded to swear about three times a sentence while trying to organize the bookshelves. also another cousin of mine who ive never been close to and havent seen in years but is very mormon and last id heard extremely homophobic got married recently and i met her husband at the funeral where the first thing he told me was "ive heard entirely good things about you" and that either means my cousin is no longer homophobic and is trying to correct for past behavior by singing my praises or she and her husband are both not fans of me on principle and the guy immediately overcompensated. anyway im doing surprisingly okay energy-wise considering i havent been able to work for two months now and ive had a ton of family shit thrown on top of that so im either going to completely break down once im home and away from all of this or my new meds are fucking magical

[villanevehaus]

this is out of the blue (whats new) but just out of pure curiosity if you have opinion(s) on portrait of a lady on fire i would very much like to hear them. I just rewatched it for the first time in like 6 months and every time i rewatch i turn into a rabid shell of my former self.- letterboxdanon!!

omg hello letterboxd anon my beloved ♡ i havent seen it since around when it came out (watched it twice!) so i can only really speak on what i remember. ive been meaning to rewatch tho so maybe this will inspire me... ANYWAYS! (also i dont remember the character names so im just gonna use the actresses names oops).

i love it for what it is; a love with a predetermined end. no matter how much they could potentially fight it, they simply cannot escape the reality that they can't be together beyond the portrait being painted. i love that theyre aware of it and that after they accept it, they take what they can while they can. i love that this also applies to the abortion piece of the movie: it has to be the way that it is. i love the relationship that develops between all three of the women when left alone- sharing tasks, eating together, playing games, etc. i love that an appearance of a man at the end is literally a jumpscare. i love that in essence, the inescapable (the time period, the rigidity of social norms, the male action defining the female consequence, the structure between servant and hired contractor to lady of the house) is escaped for just a little bit. it feels so relaxed and then you're snapped back into the reality of... everything; the portrait has been painted, it's time to go.

it's gorgeous, obvs- the shot of noémie's character sitting nude in front of the fireplace. the shot of noémie & adéle in red and green dresses, faces obscured by their embrace. the shot of adéle sprinting to the cliffside and wobbling on her feet. the body hair, the natural faces, the clothing that's neither pristine nor perfect (save for that curated, emerald dress). and the sea, oh you know how much i love the sea!

it's been talked about to death but the scene before their first kiss, with the veils? boy howdy i die. yes obviously it's indicative of consent (im taking off my veil, you may kiss me) but i also feel it can be so much more than that, or another shape, almost: im taking off my veil, are you taking off yours? im taking off my veil, may i kiss you? im taking off my veil, please kiss me. im taking off my veil so that you can see me- if you take off your veil, you are letting me see you. i want you, and i want you to want me, look me in the eyes as i sway a little closer.

i also love! the end! working under that same "our reality does not allow for us to be together" mentality, it's just very!!! adéle has gotten married, had a child, and had another portrait painted. you see it and your heart sinks with noémie's a little despite knowing that that was inevitable... but then! the page number! all these years have gone by and she still wanted that tiny little number there for the only other person in the world that it means anything to, on the off chance that noémie would see it- because she still loves her. yes, we have aged, yes i have married, yes i have had a child, yes, it has been years since we last spoke, and yes, i still treasure this drawing of you, by you- the only image of you that i have outside of my memory- that's nestled in the book we shared. maybe i read it and think of your voice, maybe i don't, but know that i think of you often.

adéle has no way of knowing if it's recieved, but it's the only thing that she can give, so she does. if noémie sees it, she will know- and she does, so she does.

and the ending scene at the SYMPHONY... i see a lot of people saying they wish that adéle had looked over and seen noémie and i think had i been younger (i say at the ripe age of 24, having seen the movie at 20) i would agree, but i don't. for the length of the entire piece of music, adéle is allowed to openly express what's buried in those notes: noémie, always noémie, and the first piece of real music that she gave her. this music is tied to everything noémie, how she described the orchestra behind that simple piano tune, and it's here that she's able to feel close to noémie by proxy. i used to play in an orchestra and have been to several live symphony/opera shows, and have always found that the enormous reverberation of all those instruments can often feel like a catharsis for a hurt that lies outside of the performance hall. adéle weeps, smiling, because she feels her again.

it would be cruel, i think, to have them see one another across a room and still be in love, still unable to do anything about it, and still have to leave alone. it's unfortunate, of course, but it's realistic for the time- just like their love.

tldr: that quote that's like "no love, no matter how small, is wasted"? yeah.

anyways i hope u enjoyed this it got so much longer than i thought it might oh my god

[spikedru]

hello a) your near dark posting proving true the fundamental adage that no piece of advertising is as strong for a movie as a tumblrina posting about it b) do you have other vampire movie recs what are your tops

asjkfdsljfdjaskdflj YES literally made a letterboxd list of good vampire movies but i will go over some that i feel like are underappreciated

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) dir. Ana Lily Amirpour "In the Iranian ghost-town Bad City, a place that reeks of death and loneliness, the townspeople are unaware they are being stalked by a lonesome vampire." Love love this movie so much. It does have a slow moving pace but the atmosphere of the town and the moody use of black and white cinematography give it such a cool and melancholic feel to it. excellent soundtrack. i also love the the titular Girl's headscarf evoking the iconic look of classic bela lugosi dracula making her seem incredibly imposing but also unique. a vampire skateboards in this movie. theres a hot guy with a cute cat. excellent film. also another entry into female directed vampire movies.

Let the Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in) (2008) dir. Tomas Alfredson "Set in 1982 in the suburb of Blackeberg, Stockholm, twelve-year-old Oskar is a lonely outsider, bullied at school by his classmates; at home, Oskar dreams of revenge against a trio of bullies. He befriends his twelve-year-old, next-door neighbor Eli, who only appears at night in the snow-covered playground outside their building." I loveeeeed this movie so much i love it when a film really lets you feel the weather its showing and this movie is FREEZING. beautiful snow and cold emphasizing the loneliness felt by the protagonist. i thought the relationship between oskar and eli to be very interesting and sweet. loved the subtle use of the vampire physiology like it wasnt overt but there were just these excellent moments where eli just doesnt look quite human and it was great. i cannot speak for the american remake bc i havent seen it but i loved the original so much

30 Days of Night (2007) dir. David Slade "An isolated Alaskan town that is plunged into darkness for a month each year when the sun sinks below the horizon. As the last rays of light fade, the town is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires bent on an uninterrupted orgy of destruction." the vampire design in this movie is rly interesting to me... much more inhuman than what is usually shown.. i kept comparing them to like. piranhas in my head when i was watching. fun, intense action survival movie with a really interesting premise? the location of being so far north that the night stretches on for a full month was such a cool scenario to explore how the humans would have to fight off not only the vampires but the harsh environment around them. danny huston vampire !! bloody and grisly and ominous loved it.

Cronos (1993) dir. Guillermo del Toro "Faced with his own mortality, an ingenious alchemist tried to perfect an invention that would provide him with the key to eternal life. It was called the Cronos device. When he died more than 400 years later, he took the secrets of this remarkable device to the grave with him. Now, an elderly antiques dealer has found the hellish machine hidden in a statue and learns about its incredible powers." Guillermo del Toro take on vampirism!! it has been a little while since ive rewatched this movie but i love del toro's work so much and how he approaches monstrosity has always been a favorite of mine. a very sweet and sad tale of a man and his granddaughter, how he is infected with this vampirism and trying to hold onto his humanity as long as he can. also ron perlman is there. i need another del toro vampire movie so bad pleas mr del toro

Thirst (박쥐) (2009) dir. Park Chan-wook "Sang-hyun, a respected priest, volunteers for an experimental procedure that may lead to a cure for a deadly virus. He gets infected and dies, but a blood transfusion of unknown origin brings him back to life as a vampire. Now, Sang-hyun is torn between faith and bloodlust, and has a newfound desire for Tae-ju, the wife of his childhood friend." WE GOT VAMPIRES. WE GOT VAMPIRE PRIESTS. WE GOT CRAZY WEIRD VAMPIRE SEX. WE GOT CATHOLIC GUILT. WE GOT GROSS BODILY PUSTULES. WE GOT HOUSEWIVES GONE WILD. insane movie thank you song kang-ho for the hot vampire priest represenation

some others that are always talked about of course are wwdits, the original dracula is fun of course to see mr iconic bela lugosi doing his thing, fright night (1985) is a lot of fun i love chris sarandon, lost boys is iconic at this point

@thegothicalice also has a bunch of letterboxd lists for vampire movies by the decade which ive been still meaning to look through for more inspiration !

[machine-gun-casie]

tavern music

synopsis: corpse hears tavern music coming from your room (gn!reader)

warnings: rpf, reader gets cheated on, kind of unrequited feelings, mostly hurt/comfort and physical affection tho (what im trying to say is that this is mostly self indulgent)

wc: 1.7k

a/n: havent written in a while but i found this in my arsenal, fixed it up a bit and viola. original plans for this was definitely something longer that would end with them being together but im not up for writing rn. been feeling really shitty lately and ive been needing something like this in my life. hope u guys like it ♡

He couldn’t hear it at first. His headset was on and everyone was being so loud on the discord call. When he started the stream, he really thought it was gonna be a long one. But he’s only two hours in and he’s ready to get the hell off because something was definitely wrong.

“Corpse?” His name being spoken finally broke him out of his trance, he only hummed in response. “You’ve been really quiet. Are you sure you’re up for another game?”

“Actually,” he starts as he closes a few tabs, “I think I’ve gotta go. Today was fun, though. Thanks for having me guys.”

After a chorus of ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you later’s, Corpse disconnected from the discord call. “Thank you guys for being here,” he addressed the chat, “sorry I’m ending so early today. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time. Take care of yourselves. Later.”

After hanging up his headset and getting out of the chair he’s been sitting in for far too long, Corpse made the short trek to your room. 

You had only been roommates for less than four months, but Corpse could confidently say that you have become one of his closest friends. Getting a roommate was the last resort that he never wanted to actually resort to. But alas, medical bills were piling up and youtube and music don’t make half as much money as people think they do. So cutting rent in half was the best plan he could come up with. He did have an extra guest room that no one ever stayed in. Of course having someone move into his personal space was terrifying to him. He didn’t just want to post an ad on craigslist or something. So he asked a couple trusted friends to ask a couple trusted friends… And that’s when you came in.

You were the trusted friend of a trusted friend of a trusted friend. When you met, you didn’t make a comment about his voice. Your face sure as hell showed your surprise but you didn’t say anything. To Corpse, this meant one of two things. You either knew who he was but didn’t want to freak him out, or you didn’t know about his online persona and were just genuinely shocked by his voice. It only took a few minutes of knowing you to know that it was the latter. Thank god. You were like anyone your age with social media. You had a few accounts, followed a few people, but mostly used it to stay in contact with friends. 

It only took you guys a week to realize you had way too much in common. After many a late night when he wasn’t streaming, and many an early morning when he was just done streaming, you two became inseparable. Nothing could keep you apart.

Except for one thing.

You had a boyfriend.

There was nothing wrong with your boyfriend, per se. Just the fact that he was your boyfriend and Corpse was not. 

Yeah, Corpse definitely had feelings for you. 

But right now, feelings didn’t matter when he could hear tavern music coming from your room.

He knocked lightly and pushed the door open slowly. “y/n? Can I come in?”

No response came, just sniffles and sobs. The lack of refusal on your part gave him the courage he needed to open the door wider and step into your room. He had only been in your room a couple of times since you had moved in. But he had never been in a room that gave off the feeling of a person so well.

You were curled up on your bed, facing your open laptop screen and the tavern music coming from its speakers. With every sob shaking your chest, Corpse felt his heart break. “y/n,” he murmured softly, “what’s wrong?”

“It’s not working.” Came your reply, heavy with tears. “You said it would make you feel like you're going on an adventure but I still feel like crap.”

“What happened?” Corpse asked as he sat down on your bed, facing you. You slowly sat up and crossed your legs at your ankles in front of you.

“He-” You sighed heavily. “He cheated on me.”

“What?”

“He cheated on me -has been cheating on me- with my best friend. My little brother found out.” You groaned and dramatically dropped your head onto Corpse’s thigh. His hand immediately came in contact with your cheek as he brushed a few stray tears away.

There was rarely any physical contact between you and Corpse. Sometimes you’d give him a high five, sometimes he’d give you fist bump. And there was that one time you came up behind him at the grocery store and hugged his arm to your chest. You immediately whispered something along the lines of ‘creep won’t leave me alone’ followed by a loud ‘hey babe!’

Corpse could barely admit to himself how much he liked that.

But this? This felt good. Corpse’s large warm hand on your face somehow made you want to cry more but in a good way. The tenderness with which he held your face made your heart squeeze as it remembered moments like this with your boyf- ex boyfriend. But then it remembered your brother’s words.

“Hey, what’s up?” You spoke as you answered his call. Your brother wasn’t much of a caller, so it made you worry. 

“Hey, where are you right now?”

“I’m home, why?”

“y/n… There’s something I gotta tell you.” He sighed and you could clearly hear the guilt.

“Did you break my DS!” It was your first thought as you had given it to him the last time you had seen him. “Dude! I’ve had that since I was seven!”

“No no, I called about something else.” He cut you off mid-whine. “But also I did lose the pen.” You huffed out a sigh of frustration but stayed silent so he could tell you what he wanted to tell you. “I saw your boyfriend at the park today.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “And?” How did this warrant a phone call? 

“He was with Bob.” 

When you had met your best friend, your brother was only a toddler. He had decided that her name was Bob, so it stuck. You always called her Bob, she was saved as Bob in your phone, your whole family called her Bob. But you still didn't understand. Why was he calling you to tell you that your boyfriend and your best friend were at the park? 

“Why are you calling me about this? You know that they’re friends, right?” You let out a chuckle, albeit still pretty confused. “They’re allowed to hang out without me.” 

“They weren’t hanging out.” You could hear your brother push out a strained sigh. What wasn’t he telling you? “They were making out on the swing set. As in, both of them on one swing. And I double checked, it was definitely them. I-I told mom and she said not to tell you, but I couldn’t not tell you when I’m the one who saw it!”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say a word.

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

There was no lying to yourself, you had doubts about your best friend and your boyfriend. But you constantly brushed it off. He wouldn’t hurt you like that. Hell, she couldn’t hurt like that. Not after everything you had been through together. 

But you had seen his call log by accident one time, he called her more than he did you. She face-timed him one time to ask his opinion about a dress she was going to buy while you were in the changing room. She had done a handful of things since your relationship with your boyfriend started that made you uneasy. If this was their first kiss, which was something you doubted, then they’ve both been emotionally attached to the other for far too long.

All those tender intimate moments, all those dates, throughout everything, he wasn’t faithful. Not emotionally, at least. None of those moments that you cherished meant anything to you anymore. He had played you. With none other than your best friend since middle school. You didn’t know who to be more mad at.

The thoughts of betrayal from someone who you considered a sister and the hurt of being cheated on made you nauseated.

So when the large warm hand on your face stroked your cheek again, you didn’t mind it. This was Corpse. Not your cheating boyfriend. Not your lying best friend. Corpse. And you knew that he would never hurt you.

“He’s been cheating on me for a while I think.” You mumbled against his sweatpants. “Maybe a couple months. I don’t know.” 

Corpse furrowed his brows in thought. You had told him you were going to visit your boyfriend for your one year anniversary next week. “Weren’t you go-”

“Yeah.”

“And Bob’s been your friend since-”

“Yeah.” Your chin wobbled as you answered. You brought your arms up around Corpse’s thigh and hugged it. It was a strange position, but you didn’t care. He was so warm and nice and hugging him properly required more movement on your end than you were willing to do.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Corpse sighed and reached out to untangle your arms from his leg. He gently pulled you across the few inches of bed between you and sat you in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, immediately sobbing into his shoulder. “Do you want me to turn off the music?” You shook your head no against him and he chuckled before he solemnly sighed. “When did you find out?” 

“When I came home.”

“But you came home hours ago. Have you been in here this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were streaming, didn’t wanna interrupt.” You shrugged.

“y/n,” he sighed disappointedly, “you’re my best friend. I can end a stream if you need me.”

“Okay.” Your voice, broken and weak and tired, made him feel so guilty. You had been crying your heart out for over two hours just down the hall from where he was.

He gently grabbed you by your hips and tried to push you away, but you only held on tighter and whimpered. “I just wanna get you some water.”

“I don’t want water.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.” You whispered. “Please stay.” 

Fuck. How could he say no to that?

So he stayed.

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh

a/n: im a seijoh stan and theyre my little plant babies

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

this is so long oml i hate myself

theyre an actual boy band istg

lets be honest, they probably thought you were just another oikawa fangirl

they thought you just wanted to be closer to their captain bc you were another delusional girl who wanted to live out her fantasies

lmao im not trying to be salty

but when you just stared blankly at oikawa tooru after he called you a beautiful flower,

stageplay hinata calling you a mugwort

the team just about threw themselves on your feet

tbh you werent really there to get a boyfriend or for oikawa

you just needed an after school club and the other teams already had managers

the only sport that didnt was the boys volleyball team

imagine why

you were actually a little wary, since you knew of oikawa, being a first year yourself, and you were aware of his psycho fangirls who could probably kill you

but you needed a club that would last you for the next 3 years to graduate

it was kunimi who actually recommended being a manager

you were in his class and you noticed him sleeping in the morning so you gave him your energy bar

��thanks’

you shrugged and smiled

thats why he tolerated you more than others

you were nice and you were the only one who noticed his tiredness, even the teacher left him alone, and did something about it

sometimes, you even gave him an energy drink

‘can you tell me why youve been so tired lately? i dont think ive seen you wake up until lunch’

he opened the snack and started munching while replying

‘early morning practice for volleyball is still a big adjustment. our captain demands us to be there 6 in the morning sharp and if we’re even a minute late, we’d have to run laps. like for every minute youre late, you have to run those amount’

oh my why is kunimi talking so much

but i love kunimi and first year seijoh boys rights in this household is valid

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘but yall are still growing and you need all your sleep. if i were there, id yell at your captain’

he grinned slightly, imagining your short height beating up their captain

‘meh. you want to be our manager? i saw you looking at the clubs board yesterday and we dont have one so you could take the opportunity and beat him up then’

ofc you agreed bc kunimi was best boi and you just wanted him to have enough sleep for once

after class, he waited for you to finish packing up and when you finished, yall left the classroom

until another guy with a spiky hairstyle joined you and you noticed him as the guy who sometimes came over to eat lunch with kunimi

‘oh, hello l/n-san’

you smiled gently

‘drop the formalities, kindaichi-kun. its only fair.’

he nodded before walking beside kunimi

‘kindaichi, l/n might be our new manager’

the onion head excitedly looked at you

‘really?! yes! so we dont have to fill our bottles ourselves anymore!’

kunimi glared at him and slapped his stomach

‘shes our manager, not our maid’

you laughed but placed an arm on him

‘its okay. i was a manager for my middle school volleyball team so i know a little bit about being one’

the two shared a look

god, they really hit the jackpot

as yall walked closer to the gym, you noticed the big pile of girls huddling at the corner

kunimi sighed

‘l/n, ill warn you ahead of time of our captain. hes kinda,,,, too much’

but you flashed him a smile

‘hes not the first one ive handled’

oml player-chan!!!

so when you opened the door and entered the gym and oikawa hit you with his normal antics, you just stared at him

‘okay and?’

hanamaki and mattsun howled before rushing to you and grabbing you in a hug

‘girls like her really exist!!’

you gave kunimi and kindaichi a signal of help and they nodded before gently prying the senpais off of you

‘senpai, please’

you gave kunimi a grateful nod

coach irihata went up to you bc wow, kunimi has a friend with of another gender?

‘how can we help you, miss?’

‘im l/n y/n, first year, and id like to apply as the manager’

internally, the coach sighed bc you werent the first one to apply

the reason they havent had a manager for years was bc of oikawa’s fangirls hiding themselves under that false facade

but he saw you brush off that comment oikawa make with no hint of fluster or blush on your face so he decides to give you a trial run, in guise of seeing if you could handle these chaotic boys

‘do you have any experience as manager? or do we need to teach you the ropes?’

‘i was a manager for 3 years in my middle school volleyball’

he nodded

‘ill give you one month. a trial run of a month to test the waters’

you agreed and your trial run began

kunimi mentioned that morning practice starts at 6 am sharp so you set your alarm for 5 to get ready and get to school on time before the boys

you remembered how to set up the nets so you quickly put them out (using a step stool bc we short) and ran to get the basket of balls

their water bottles were filled and you were in the middle of lugging the big basket of towels when the third years entered

the 4 of them usually came earlier than the rest so they saw you dragging the basket of fresh towels and wipe your sweat before smiling at the work youve done

iwa was so happy bc it was usually him who did this stuff and now that he had someone do it for him, it was like a god-send

oikawa’s eyes shone and he waved at you

‘yohoo, y/n-chan!’

you cringed at the loud voice of the famous oikawa tooru

‘hello, oikawa-san’

he chuckled at your politeness before hugging you

‘you did all this for us? youre so cute, y/n-chan!’

instead of the normal blush and love-struck eyes, you were actually very uncomfortable of the sudden skinship and you quickly ran to the side when iwa hit him at the head

‘shittykawa! leave her alone!’

‘iwa-chan!’

makki and mattsun stood next to you as the boys did their usual fight

‘is this all an act or are you really not attracted to oikawa?’

mattsun shot him a surprised look bc why was he so straightforward

but you just shrugged

‘hes cute, i admit. but ive seen much cuter and the boys in my middle school team was basically full of him so,,, and i hate guys who think theyre all that just bc theyre blessed w a pretty face. if anything, ill probably go for iwaizumi-san’

pop off S I S T E R!!!

you just won the heart of these two

slowly but surely, they all came to accept you and iwa straight out loves you bc you maintained this routine for the whole month of your trial run

and you still remained indifferent of oikawa’s advances and he was even impressed and slightly agitated that you werent paying attention to him

‘y/n-chan, one date! just one!’

you huffed before looking up from your clipboard

‘i like men, oikawa-san. not boys’

that comment made the guys shriek

‘y/n-chan! youre just a first year! you dont need a man!’

‘youre not a man, oikawa!’

you left oikawa to be tormented by his teammates and went to go and hand over the report to the coach

he was impressed by the notes you made bc they were ones he even missed

like the split-second of hesitation that kindaichi usually has that goes unnoticed but you immediately saw

or the wince oikawa has whenever he so much as jumps an inch

you could even tell the difference between iwa’s spike and if he was being easy or he was going full-out

this added on to the fact that the boys loved you and irihata actually saw kunimi try more 

but he thinks its only to earn your praises

‘y/n, youre officially the team manager’

yall celebrated at the normal hang-out spot which was the ramen shop and it truly shocked you at how much these boys ate

granted, this was the first time you ate together but you didnt expect them to eat nearly 5 bowls each

you could only finish 2 and you already feel like throwing up

‘honestly, how do you guys not gain weight after this?’

the table you sat at, iwa, kindaichi, mattsun, and kunimi, looked at you and shrugged

‘i work out’

‘i run’

‘i fast’

‘i poop it out’

lmao im sorry i cackled too hard at this

you stared blankly at mattsun’s answer who said it so seriously that you snorted a laugh

they watched you and your laughter bc you havent really expressed yourself as much 

so they made it their goal to see you laugh more

‘y/n-chan! you need to eat more!’

oikawa shouted, clearly food drunk, but you shook your head aggressively

‘i only planned to eat one bowl but he just had to shove another down my throat’

‘but you need to grow, y/n-chan!’

‘i want to grow taller! not wider!!’

As a manager:

oh boy

you basically grew into kinda their mom

‘oikawa-san! you need to rest your knee or youre going to hurt yourself! i will drag you home myself!’

‘kunimi, if you try to get this one more spike, i’ll buy you a bag of those caramel bites you like’

‘iwa-san! if you hit oikawa-san too much, youll destroy the little braincells he has!’

‘yahaba-san, nice dump!’

‘is your knee okay, watari-san?’

yall really forget that watari and yahaba exist sometimes smh

it was part of the work

keeping up with seijoh

so to keep them encouraged, you gave them praises that they always demand for and they always turn to you whenever they did something good

mattsun gives you a look whenever he blocks iwa’s spikes and you give kindaichi a head pat whenever he blocks some too

bc of how you are with them, sometimes, they forget that you are actually just a first year

they get shocked whenever you walk in with kunimi and kindaichi and talk about the current homework bc it slips their mind that their hard-working manager was actually just a 15-year-old girl

so, they try to ease the burden whenever they can

like iwa offering to help you whenever you have to take their jerseys to the laundrymat

or offering to help you with your assignments since theyve only been through it once

more like watari, yahaba, and iwa bc the matsuhana are clueless and acts like they completely skipped that grade

also

!!!!

oikawa’s fangirls ltr dont leave you alone!!!

now, its known that youre the manager of the volleyball team bc oikawa has boasted about your efforts and such

this obvs ticked off a bunch of girls bc they were jealous that you got to spend more time in a single practice with their precious oikawa-senpai than they have their entire lives

more than once theyve cornered you to threaten you to stay away from their senpai or youll have something coming for you

you never take them seriously bc you can fight too and you just give them a look and push them away

but this one time

TRIGGER WARNING-START

okay tea

the self-proclaimed president of the oikawa tooru fanclub, kenta miyo, cornered you at the bathroom with her other minions

you were just washing your hands and drying them off when she marched up to you and grabbed your hair before tugging it back

obviously you were surprised and shouted

‘oi! what the hell?!’

‘you slut! you need to stay away from my tooru, got it?!’

ehm what

you hissed and wrenched her arm from your hair and pushed her away

your hair was now a mess and you were fuming, already sick and tired of the torture these girls put you through

‘he belongs to himself, not you! so stop being delusional and leave me alone already!’

she signalled for the girls to hold on to you which you slapped away but they forcefully grabbed your arm while you kicked at them and struggle to get out of their hold

jesus what do these girls eat

miyo watches you struggle with a smile and cackles

‘oh? no fight anymore, little kouhai?’

you glared at her

‘i dont want to beat yall up bc id get yelled at by tooru so you need to let me go or regret it’

at the mention of his first name, her eyes widened and her face twisted and she slapped you

‘oi! respect your senpai, you brat! dont you ever say oikawa’s first name!’

your lips curled

‘oh? thats funny, because he actually told me to call him that since he wants his cute little manager to be very comfortable with him’

you achieved a feat that she has been working to get her entire high school life and miyo was not happy

‘ive been with him for 3 years and you just suddenly show up out of nowhere and call him that?! i dont think so!’

she had her hands around your neck and you gripped her arms, making her wince

but you laughed at that comment

‘heh, thats pathetic, isn’t it? here you are, my senpai, who has been vying for his attention for 3 years only to be ignored yet a mere first year, who shows up out of nowhere, has been asked to a date nearly a million times every day. that must be tough’

she shrieked at that comment and threw you on the floor, making you accidentally hit your head at the edge of the sink

yall im actually so bothered by this scene and im wincing as im typing

you bit your lip to prevent any sound of pain to escape bc you knew thats what she wanted to hear from you

but you werent going to give her the satisfaction

instead, you looked up at her, hatred swirling in your eyes

‘youre freaking psycho, you know that? once tooru and hajime knows about this, theyre going to give you hell. they wont ever let this go bc im the manager of their prized team and their little baby sister. so go ahead, do what you want with me. bc i paid too much for these nails to be tainted by dirt like you’

saiyo, a girl you noticed to be watari’s classmate when you went and visited him, nervously tugged on miyo’s jacket

‘miyo, we should go-’

‘SHES BLUFFING. AND HERE, SINCE YOUR SOCCERFIELD FOREHEAD IS BLEEDING, LET ME HELP WASH IT OUT’

and she poured over a carton of banana milk over you, making you wince at the sticky and cold liquid

the tough facade was crumbling and you were now screaming for help in your head, hoping that stupid theory from yahaba about team telepathy to work

but it didnt

TRIGGER WARNING-END

when miyo and her girls left, you sat on the floor, soaked and sticky and bleeding

then you begin to cry angry tears

you were angry that you were being treated like this just bc you were a manager

you were angry that you let them do that to you

you were angry that you prized your nails more than punching her square in the nose

you were just angry

periodt

staggering on your own feet, you stood up and leaned on the sink, eyes widening at the dripping red liquid from the gash on your forehead, staining the porcelain sink

you were stupid and unconsciously touched it making you wince 

‘shit, that hurts’

you whined quietly

there was little you can do with toilet paper and water to clean yourself up but you managed to at least stop the bleeding

you knew you had to be put on concussion protocol just in case bc you that hit was quite hard but at the moment, that wasnt your concern

practice has already started and this was the first time you werent present for daily practice

this was confirmed at the constant buzzing of your phone in your skirt pocket which you didnt listen to and instead, started thinking of ways to go to your locker and get your stuff and fake being sick but at the same time, not be seen and relayed to the team

time was ticking and you had to come up with a plan fast before oikawa will send the team to come looking around the building for you

once you looked at your reflection and smiled big, you decided it was enough to not show the pain you were in right now

girl im hurting for you

you peeked out of the bathroom door and saw the coast was clear so you quickly ran to your classroom, which was thankfully empty, and quickly grabbed your things

but as you were packing up, the tears just kept falling

it didnt stop as you bolted down the stairs, using your cardigan to hide your face from the public

once you were safely out of school grounds, you finally took out your phone and reviewed through all the worried and concerned texts from the team group chat

but you just replied, ‘im fine but i just feel really sick right now. girl stuff’

you smirked, knowing that would keep the boys away

but oikawa had to go and ask you to call him

‘y/n-chan! do you want oikawa-senpai to come over with chocolates and ice cream?! wings or no wings?!’

your jaw dropped at the question and clearly scandalized by the question

the team was too as shouting began and you could faintly hear iwa scream, ‘oh my god, shittykawa!’

‘im seriously okay, oikawa-san. i just need to be alone right now and ill try and get some sleep. good bye’

then you hung up

there was no way you could tell them

they were in their last year anyways so doing something about it wouldnt matter

and you were strong 

but apparently not strong enough to fight them off though

you would cover the wound with concealer and continue on with practice tomorrow as if everything was normal

but there was only so much you could take

just yesterday, they trashed your locker and a week ago, they took your bento and threw it away

you even got into a fight with this one girl but she scampered away, too scared to do anything alone

so you were actually just tired and want everyone to leave you alone

believe me, youve thought of quitting sometimes

but youve actually created a bond with these boys

like when you take hanamaki to get cream puffs whenever he loses against iwa in arm wrestling

or when yahaba calls you at ungodly hours to express his worries for next year and to fill oikawa’s shoes

it was simple moments that you shared with each player that kept you from not leaving

soon, you found yourself crying again and the looks pedestrians were giving you was starting to make you uncomfortable

a girl, with her gross hair in a bun, puffy eyes with a bleeding wound and walking down the street

that was a sight

so you cut a corner to an alley by your house to escape from the judging eyes and you were too busy wiping your eyes to see a boy who was crouched down on the floor and ended up walking over him

omg my baby kyoken hello luv!!!!

you gasped and you were surprised and quickly apologized

kyotani was originally about to yell at you, no matter what, but he saw the state you were in and concluded you were either from a fight or was beaten up

he recognized that and decided to just glare at you and go back to feeding the stray dogs and cats

you breathed a sigh in relief when he didnt yell at you bc that wouldve been the last thing you needed today

‘sir, im sorry for hitting you. if there is something i could do for you, dont hesitate’

he ignored you and you focused on him paying attention to the strays

going into your backpack, you had a milk carton and a sausage stick from earlier

you used your thermos lid to serve as the milk bowl for the cats while you peeled open the meat and used your scissors to cut chunks of it for the dogs to have some

kyotani watched as you went into action to feeding the animals that people usually ignored

he knew you

well, he recognized you

when he watched from the top of the gym, he saw you as their manager who ran around and helped everyone

sure, he still didnt trust you 

but he watched you grin and smile as the animals started to eat

‘im in a hurry right now so i have to go but ill feed you again tomorrow, okay? you too, stranger-san. ill bring food for you too’

then you stood up and ran away, probably in a hurry to fix that wound

he wouldve offered to treat it for you but he remained silent, watching the cats mewl at the now empty lid

the next day, oikawa was worried for you and when he saw you at early morning practice, he practically glomped to your side

‘y/n-chan! you okay?! oikawa-senpai was so worried for you!’

you cringed but nodded

‘im okay, oikawa-san’

‘senpai, y/n-chan! call me senpai!’

‘im not going to feed into your kink, oikawa-san’

*cue everyone busting a lung*

to this day, no one still knew what happened to you

you kept it quiet and you were sure you got everything handled

except for one person

kyotani was smart and for some reason he knew you got beat up by the fangirls and the perpetrators were easily found bc he saw them huddled around your locker, probably trashing it again, and lets just say, 

no one is def going to mess w you now

back to manager moments!!

during practice matches, the boys rally around you to prevent other teams from sweet-talking you

they make sure no one gets past them and always have excuses to get your attention

you knew what they were doing but you pretended not to, heart warming at their protectiveness and hunger for your attention

even though you have your own jacket, the team gives you theirs all the time like oikawa has his special team jacket w his name at the back and when he feels threatened by schools like johzenji, he makes you wear it

‘youre mine, y/n-chan and i want that blondie to know’

‘ehm, no, oikawa-san. im iwaizumi-san’s’

oikawa screamed

lmao training camps w them is CHAOTIC

YOU WANT TO CRYYYYYY

OIKAWA IS CRYING BC IWAIZUMI IS BEATING HIM UP, MATSUHANA ARE FREAKING OUT THE FIRST YEARS ABOUT THE GHOSTS IN THE WOODS AND NOW KINDAICHI REFUSES TO LET GO OF YOU, WATARI GOT LOST GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND YAHABA IS SCREAMING ABOUT THE WEATHER MESSING UP HIS HAIR AND MAKING IT FRIZZY

reminder: threaten to quit everytime they get too much

your hugs are the best!!!!

you have a special hug for every player

oikawa gets his favorite which was the normal arm around the waist with your arms around his neck while he snuggles in your neck

iwa gets flustered easily so you hug him from behind so you cant see his flustered look

mattsun actually likes the jumping in the air so he catches you type of hug

makki is more tame and has his arms around your shoulder with his chin on your head

yahaba is the twirly kind where he just picks you up and swings you around

watari also gets flustered easily so he likes the one-arm hugs

kindaichi gets blushy at the slightest touch from you but he gives you a hug from behind you himself where he can bury his face in your hair while you caress his arms

kunimi, now he likes it when you squeeze him extremely tight bc it makes him feel loved and feel alive

kyo doesnt even talk to you what makes you think you can give him a hug

their lost for shiratorizawa really broke them though

you made them their own bentos for nearly a week to keep them encouraged and gave oikawa extra attention to keep him from sulking or practicing late

‘oikawa-senpai, lets go watch that new movie later’

‘S-S-SENPAI?!’

then the arrival of our baby kyoken

yahaba was moody the whole practice and you were currently trying to keep him from spiking a ball to someone

‘even just today, he’s late’

‘who?’

‘that stupid dog’

he just keeps mumbling and grunting

and then the said dog arrived

you peaked out from behind iwaizumi, who protectively went in front of you

shock ran through you and you pointed at him

‘puppy-kun!’

lmao puppy what

youve called him that since he refused to tell you his name, but you call him that bc he paid special attention to this one baby beagle

he raised a hand in greeting and you gave him a smile

‘youre a player here, too?!’

he ‘glared’ at you but nodded stiffly

the team really thought that he would lash out at you but he is surprisingly tolerant

the power of the manager

he still hasnt talked to you but he does respond to you and even helps you with chores, still not talking ofc

hes so tsun tsun and he deserves my heart yall

however, youve heard him talk to iwaizumi, and iwaizumi only, so youve heard his voice before

ngl, you were flustered by how gruff and deep it was

then their loss to karasuno

bruh, it was KARASUNO

the entire team fell apart and after the match, each of them ran away from you to stop lashing out

you were also on the verge of crying, seeing the broken look on your third years

your precious third years

you decided to give them their own space but you heard a loud banging sound from the bathroom

yahaba and watari were outside, clearly trying to talk to someone in there on coming out but it got louder

okay you were lowkey like, ‘hm, i should not be here’

but you recognized that voice

you knocked at the boys door to be respectful

‘kyo-san? its me, y/n’

he was silent but he did unlock it

you took this as a sign to enter and you gave yahaba and watari a smile

‘i’ll be fine. go to kindaichi and kunimi. they need your comfort right now’

tbh, you were surprised the bathroom was still intact but you saw the stall door at the very end being rattled and shaken

you remained by the door but you wanted to go to him

‘kyo-san, please come out so i can treat your injuries’

he expected you to say those words like ‘its okay’ or ‘theres always next year’ but you didnt

instead, you knew he was hurt and wanted to help him

he continued to give a few punches to the wall and the door before emerging

you wordlessly treated the wounds and offered your hand

‘im here, kyo-san. dont worry, im right here’

at the ramen shop, you told them to eat as much as they want and wordlessly gave them your card, slightly crying inside bc you know this was going to be like over a hundred dollars

but you were treating the boys bc they deserved it

you sat beside kindaichi, who was just sobbing and apologizing, so you were wiping his tears and holding his hand under the table

this precious babie

bruh i was sobbing when i watched this part like uuggghhhh

after dinner, you walked with the other third years, knowing they would go to the gym, so you gave everyone else your special hugs before sending them home

‘text me when you arrive safely, okay?’

‘yes, mom’

‘KINDAICHI WHAT’

oikawa’s speech made you cry bc despite only knowing them for not even a year, you already feel like a family

you didnt want your family to be broken but you knew they would all go their separate ways eventually

there was a big hug pile of third years on the side where you took a picture and sent it to the group chat

you had to eventually go home after helping them clean up and when you checked your phone, a fresh batch of tears rolled down

each from every person on the team but with the same sentence and same words

‘we love you, l/n y/n. thanks for everything.’

ngl i dont think this was that good and its like 8 in the morning and im extremely tired

i want to do karasuno, nekoma, and fukurodani but im so exhausted i cannot right now

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|eighteen.

chapter eighteen: yellow pansy ↳ flower meanings:  thinking of you.

chapter summary: you left a journal in his top drawer. pairing: tom holland x y/n warnings: haha you’re going to HATE ME word count: 11.5K

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

it took me ages write this, my writersblock was awful BUT IT’S HERE ! We are missing one more chapter but here it is! I hope you don’t hate me as much as I think you will, I split the ending in two chapters because it was LONG, so expect the final chapter in these days

Please help me out reblogging tags havent been working for me and I know this will flop but I’m really happy I got back into writing

You kept a journal. With flowers printed on them. Each and every single one was given by him. You had recently remembered it, wondering where in your room it could be. Hidden behind some other lost forgotten memories or some other unforgettable mysteries. You wondered if the flowers had kept their color. Most of them hadn’t.

“Well, here goes to the happily ever after,” you said as you smiled, even when the notebook was still roaming your mind.

Tim offered a gentle smile, watching carefully, as the white dress fell down.

When it comes to love stories, happy endings are what we wish for. Life, unfortunately, isn’t like that. But often we are bombarded with stories that are just too good to be true, enough for us to believe this. With them down the sunset on a white horse. With prince charming being charming enough.

With Mister Darcy as the sun is rising telling Elizabeth “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.”

With Donna and Sam getting married, and a bunch of friends singing Abba songs.

With Noah and Ally peacefully drifting off, hand in hand.

With Baby and Johnny Castle dancing together.

Characters that are but a reflection of our deepest dreams. Ones that are kept secret and shut for the world. With stories that make us believe we are happy.

It’s fine to shield in. But it’s no good to dwell on them.

We often don’t get what we wish for when we shield in a dream.

You wondered, what about Valerie and William?

Or… Tom and Y/n?

Your own story was supposed to be kept a secret, yet it ended up being a script and then a movie that would be seen by thousands. Your story transformed into a story people could shield on. A story that had been merely sentiments, then words and a very bad misunderstanding and… then a film.

Seeing yourself on someone else might have been what helped you understand it. Transforming your story into characters and trying to portray a love story that was born out of hatred… had probably been the first mistake.

If we can say it was ever a mistake. How big of a mistake can it be when it brings you so much joy?

Your luck hadn’t been enough for your own faith. But you always wondered, what happens after the happily ever after? Is it truly the outcome? When two souls find each other? Isn’t it only the beginning?

Valerie and William hadn’t had it.

The story ended with Valerie and Robbie getting together, it fit. That’s how the story had been driven. Tom and you had discussed it over and over, the story was written for Valerie to end up with Robbie.

“This is a story, y/n, it’s not us.” He had assured you. “We need to disconnect from it.”

And it wasn’t. It wasn’t you. But how much had those characters stolen from you?

How disappointing, but you made the decision along with them.

It had been painful to relive some things, and the changes to the script had been made to soothe the pain.

But they had a happily ever after. Separate ways.

Who would’ve thought you’d be so right?

Films and stories often end when marriage comes, or when the couple finally gets together, the happily ever after. You barely believed it was the ending.

Because the real journey began with it. Doesn’t it? Isn't the true adventure when they find each other?

When something goes wrong, though, it means the journey isn’t over. The happily ever after is the ending isn’t it? Isn’t the story over until after they’re happily ever after?

Love, though it might be one of the most precious things, often comes with a heartbreak. A tragedy. It didn't hurt this time, though.

But love, when it’s real, doesn’t seem like a loss even if it ends. Because, isn’t it the ending when they finally are together? If we follow that rule, that the ending is when they’re together then it wasn’t the ending.

Or was it?

You couldn’t help but wonder, however…What if you lived a lie? Just a fairy tale that wasn’t supposed to have a happily ever after.

Though the script was far from reality, you felt like your own story was twisted. Why weren’t you in your ‘happily ever after’?

Maybe the side story was yours. Because you were not the princess about to walk into the sunset.

“I really love the dress,” Tim commented.

You did too, but it had you wondering about happily ever after?

What happens to them after the credit rolls? What happens to the characters when the last page ends? Are those characters strong enough to keep together? Are their stories just dried out? Like flowers. Easily forgotten in a journal hidden in your room.

A bouquet that once served as a beautiful symbol now was scattered on top of the shelf, as a few petals fell down.

Flowers dry out.

“Yes, magnificent,” you answered.

The dress made you remember the day you thought it would last forever. That Tom and you would have that ever after. That it wouldn’t dry out.

Tom had only looked up at you, sitting finally on a director chair and he had smiled. Gently. Caring.

And that thought came to your mind. “I hope this lasts forever.”

And for a moment you thought it could. Maybe it was the endless smiles or the constant yellow flowers adorning your room that would end up on your journal.

But nothing ever does last forever. Not the good things. Not pancakes, or ice cream, or street hot dogs. Moments don’t last forever, that’s why you have to grasp to them.

And there was a point at which you knew, you knew it wouldn’t last forever. Because the film continues.

However, you liked to think that love was like a flower. One that grows. Not one that is cut to be given. A perennial one. One that blooms, and continues to bloom when it’s taken care of. But perennial flowers don’t bloom all the time.

A flower can’t bloom for eternity. And a cut flower will not preserve.

In stories and films, we know detail by detail. From the very first word, to the last breath. But when it comes to your own, you often forget what is important. We barely stop to see, and suddenly, life escapes from your hands and you’re stuck in a moment and you can’t get out.

Before you know it, all you’re left with is a script and a movie you can’t bear to watch because it brings too many memories. But good ones, that is. Mostly good.

Before you know it, you have a box with his stuff, and you’re texting to see when you have to drop them off. And before you know it, he is standing there, and you’re hoping he will beg for one last time because you will give it, but he never does, and stays quiet. Too quiet.

Not every love is perennial. Not every love is meant to bloom again.

Perennial flowers, when they bloom, are the most wonderful. But when they’re away, the skies are gray.

But somehow, we go through it. At least you tried to.

The ‘what if’ comes as something complicated. No pillow talks would’ve helped your case, it seemed like any smiles were now hidden under the bed.

It’s needless to say and regard the multiple emotions that had gone by in the relationship, that week it started or that month it finished. That year, if we are honest. That whole year of your relationship. And you had to look back at it. For it all started in a breakup, that had opened the door to be with the love of your life. It all started with a revenge.

It was weird to see it. How a year before you dated Tom, you would have gone with Tim. How you had expected it, how you thought Tim was the endgame. How that year Harry had asked if you would marry Tim and you’d answered that maybe you would.

How at some point you had considered it again. How you even considered Harry. But Tim.

Had Tim waited for a little bit longer, maybe things would’ve turned out quite different. You were thankful he hadn’t. Tim and you were a lesson to each other. Tim had shown you you can be loved and you had shown Tim he can love. Tim and you were fine now, he had found a girl. Lily. Her name was Lily. Purity. Rebirth.

Because, although it had seemed that Tim had died a little with your last conversation before officially letting him go, he had seen himself shine again. How surprising, her name was Lily. Such a coincidence.

Lily, a girl that could easily be passed by. Yet Tim had stopped to see her.

Tim and you would never share what you both said in that conversation. The last flower he had given you was a daisy. A secret between two friends.

Cherry and you went back to what you were before, strangers to each other. But she’d found a girl, by luck. Heather. She was happy now. Happiest.

A year had gone by. Many things had changed. Mostly you, and though you would look back to your past self and warn her that another heartbreak by Tom would be coming, you wouldn’t change it.

A breakup had opened many doors.

Maybe this one would too.

It was bound to come. How on earth were you supposed to grow flowers on a battlefield? But you’d built it together.

And you had. And everything was good, with sunsets and polaroids, and flowers. And fights that would cycle and cyle. But end up cuddling watching reruns of an old 80’s tv show that you barely watched because you were too busy staring into his eyes.

With old fights that would resurface and other secrets that kept chasing you both. But it was good, when you were trying to get the garden back into place, to try and forget the battlefield. Loving him had come so easily, though. Waking up by his side was taken for granted.

You had thought loving him would be a buzzing street, with crowds bustling as the rain is about to begin. You thought loving him would be a Friday night waiting for someone to show up but never did.

You were wrong.

Loving him was walking through a flower field, and taking a Polaroid of the most beautiful sunset. Loving him meant holding his hand and kissing over and over again.

But loving him meant that the sun eventually would set.

And maybe the heartbreak that had come with this one hadn’t been an actual heartbreak and maybe that’s why it hurt. Because it didn’t.

Maybe you’d forged a heartbreak or a relationship. Maybe that had been it, conning yourselves into believing you were fine when you were far from it.

Looking back maybe it was because of Rome, New York, and eventually LA. Cities that you once said you wouldn’t dare to go back to. But now you are willing to visit. Happily, it’s better to walk in a city full of memories rather than one pointless illusion of the memories you could’ve had.

He had gone to New York, and still took his Polaroid everywhere. A habit you loved about him, it seemed he became an expert on holding onto memories.

The breakup had come after James’ wedding. Lovely wedding, by the way. Fairytale full of wonder. A year ago, shortly after the film had premiered, a year after it finished filming.

It was supposed to come. Because when your own brother was finding his way, you had lost yours.

But what happened? When did life slip in? When did it start ending?

Before you knew it, you had packed your stuff without you being aware of it. You had packed everything up, except your own heart. You left your heart right there, right next to that stupid journal, in his upper drawer, right next to his bed. Had he opened that drawer ever since or had he forgotten about it?

There was your journal, not in your room. In his. And he hadn’t given it back.That’s why you felt lost. Your heart was imprinted there and he hadn’t given it back.

But you had packed everything else, with him not even trying to stop you. Just watching you circle around.

Was it fear? Maybe it had been fear, from both. You supposed that’s how life was. Loving was not a duty.

You only had one request for him, one last request: “Remember me, I was the one to love you, and I was the one to call in the middle of the night when you couldn’t sleep. Just remember me when we’re no longer here.”

Because it hadn’t been your fault, your life just slipped in. Distance. No time for calls. Your job getting too much recognition, his job getting even more. Fights that were only to push each other away so it wouldn’t hurt when you both were away. Maybe being enemies had come useful when it was supposed to end.

Fight, and more fights in the end. Yet you were gripping each other. And life had just slipped in. Like it always does.

And it wasn’t him. And it wasn’t you.

“Tell me you actually want it to end,” he had asked when you had the final box.

You didn’t. But there wasn’t much you could do, expect walk out the doors.

Or was there? But even if it was a breakup, you both agreed to remain friends, and then it transformed into little excuses to see each other.

Because it didn’t end up badly. It had been life slipping in. With barely having any time for something that needed too much time to build on.

Filming initially had helped you, how beautiful it was creating it, what a beautiful outcome it had been out of your heartbreak. With music, and fights and everything that was splendid.

Maybe the film wasn’t a huge success, but it had been enough for you both to try and mend it after.

But when filming had ended and you had to go back, that’s when the problems started. His job, your new one. Him there, you here. When you were together, it was amazing, worth it. But then you barely could. And you could barely grip each other.

Then you were too different. Then you were just the same, so stubborn and stupid.

Then it was old arguments, and new ones.

When was it gone? Had he stopped loving you?

He had asked you, near the end. “Do you still love me? Are we still enough?”

“I do love you.” But you hadn’t answered the second question. And what was it? Why wasn’t it? “Why wouldn’t we?” you had questioned.

“Dunno, it’s delicate.”

It was.

Maybe it had been James’ words for Clark. About how love shouldn’t be forced, how love should be simple and love shouldn’t be hurt. About how they built it together. How it wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t complicated.

And then Clark had said it, too. How he loved being with someone that he enjoyed silence with. How love was more than passion. How love was more than a kiss. Seeing how simple it had been for them, was a bit disappointing for you both. Your relationship was anything but simple.

And it wasn't now because you didn’t trust each other, or because you wanted to fight. No, it simply was life telling you, you shouldn’t be together. And maybe it was also the fact that you both thought you worked because you had never experienced silence together. Always a wreck. Always a mess. Always so passionate. But… was it only that? Maybe it was the passion of the moment.

You knew Tom still played the conversation with Tim over and over in his head. How by the end he said he felt guilty by it all.

You too, you were both driven by guilt and guilt eventually snaps you.

So it ended.

“Is it too soon to end this?” You had asked him.

Tom had shrugged. “Would you rather it be late?”

But that didn’t mean you… had to stop seeing each other. Or did it? So you based your new relationship on excuses. And the excuses had grown. ‘I need to give you this hoodie’, ‘I forgot my charger at your place’ ‘I need someone to drive me to do errands’, ‘I need help running lines’, ‘I need a date for this party.’

And then they didn’t even make sense. ‘I can’t open a jar’ ‘I can’t watch this movie alone’ ‘I need to rant about the ending of this series’ ‘I sneezed and no one blessed me’. Stupid things. And then it was the truth ‘I need to listen to your voice’. ‘I miss you’. ‘I want to see you’.

But it was only seeing each other, with no… relationship. No kissing, no anything. Only excuses. A… friendship.

True friendship, for the first time ever. And you could talk for hours with him until the sun came out, and you could laugh with him.

Maybe it hurt that it wasn’t more, but maybe it was never meant to be like that. But you were in a good place. In the best place you had been. The strongest you had both been, too. How civil you were with clothes on. And how many times had you stopped your will to undress him.

Your lips searched for his but they never got what they wanted, your hands hurt from keeping them to yourself, and your heart would only ache a bit.

From both sides.

Seemed that both of you knew what you had to build up on. And maybe you both knew the risk that would come if you were willing to give it a try without having something to settle on.

Maybe that’s why it didn’t hurt. Because it would bloom again, right? Maybe you were preparing the dirt to plant it in. Not loose flowers now. Have seeds.

Or that’s the idea you built yourself into. Because honestly. Had you ever been more than enemies with benefits?

But now, you were friends. Good friends. Maybe you were in love with him, and grown fonder of him now. Really, really in love. But friends. Friends who stared a little bit too much into each other’s eyes, or friends who would easily recognize each other’s laughter. Friends who would have their feet up the headboard and talk about life. Friends who instinctively would give the other a bite of their food or offer a sip of their drink.

Friends who would take a deep breath each time the other walked into the room, and friends who avoided getting too close that it would be mistaken for something else. Secret moments. Standing on the other sides of the room, turning your head away each time your eyes met.

Maybe you didn’t get the happy ending you wished for, or not the one you had expected to.

But you were happy. And it had ended. Those things were unrelated.

But a lot had changed.

Ay first, you had to fight the urge to undress him. Now you had to fight the urge to stare too long into his smile.

Really, a lot had changed.

Tom had started dating someone else, you didn’t know how long that lasted. You had pretended not to care, although you did.

You went out on dates, too. Didn’t inform him, either. Not explicitly. Though he did know.

Because you were friends. That was the happy ending you deserved.

A lot had changed.

And you were currently helping a bride tie that bow in her dress as she stared at her reflection. Her hair hung to her shoulders and half of it was tied with perfect braids. She was finally having her happy ending.

“Are you ready for the veil?” Timmy asked, as he watched the reflection of the bride.

“Can you give me a bloody second, Timothée?” Emma snapped with her usual tone. “I’m fucking busy right now, the veil can wait, don’t be a dick.”

You only held your laughter eyeing Tim. Tim and you had stopped looking at each other like you felt guilty for a while now. Tom’s jealousy had not exactly been driven away, you guessed it never would go.

But surprisingly enough, they became...friends. Or they could stand each other now after James had talked to both of them.

James and the married life that seemed to suit him. His wedding had been very small, but charming nonetheless. You wondered if you would’ve had something like that, very personal.

Quite a different story from Emma and Harry now. Whose love had conquered. And they had had a rough patch but how difficult can it be when you find your soulmate?

Maybe Harry and Emma had Tom and you doubting too. Tom and you had seen several times that you were not meant to be. Your coincidences in life had not been so, rarely coincidences but the both of you fighting for something. Too stubborn to admit that life was getting in the way.

Tom and you had all the odds in your favor and the ones to fuck it up were you both.

While Harry and Emma always had everything against them and they managed to work it out.

Who’re the soulmates here?

“What a lovely thing the blushing bride is, eh?” Tim rolled his eyes.

Emma had been… quite the bride. Everything had to be perfect, which was not likely for Emma to be that way. But she did say it, since she was marrying the love of her life it had to be big enough. In a rustic hotel, full of books and vintage furniture. A very cottage-like wedding. Very Emma and Harry. Unique.

It was perfect.

It had to, honestly. After the crossroads… everything had changed for them.

How Emma and Harry got back together was no mystery, Harry had been brave enough to go for her. When two souls are meant to be even the rockiest path will be easy to travel by.

It was the opposite of what you and Tom used to have. Emma and Harry had all the friendship, relationship settled, they just missed… the passion.

And so when they found each other, and were like two horny teenagers running around, it became...so effortless. Because they had something built upon.

As if life was rewarding them for their patience. For the love they shared. For each and every smile.

Both wild flowers, Often disregarded, had found each other, and created the most beautiful bouquet.

You only chuckled at Tim’s remark. “Splendid bride.”

While you and Tom had never been friends. Only too driven by the other, and passion and… when it ended? What were you? Were you merely nightly romance?

Tim groaned. “Emma—“he raised the veil. “I’m not trying to—I just think you should be wearing this already.”

“Shut up,” Emma granted. “I will but right now I’m—“

“Staring at your reflection?” Tim challenged. Because Emma was actually just doing that. Staring at the perfect dress she was wearing. Shining brightly like a diamond against the sun, her skin perfectly sparkled.

Emma looked for your glance in the mirror,”y/n, love.”

“Yes?”

“As my maid of honor, what are you willing to do?”

You offered her a grin, “Anything.”

Emma stared into your eyes. “Kill Timothée.”

You chuckled, “Almost anything, you should’ve asked earlier. I don’t want to get blood in my dress.”

Tim was surprised by your words. “So you would’ve?”

“Possibly, I don’t want to encounter a bridezilla Emma.”

Timmy threw his hands in the air. “I just want to help.”

“Well, don’t,” Emma and you said at the same time.

“I’m going to check on the guys, I am one hundredth percent sure they’re still in their pj’s drinking beer,” You commented.

The hotel room for the boy’s was only a floor below. It was everything Harry and Emma had probably wished for. An outdoor wedding that was planned to the very perfection. Very fairytale like. Lights hanging from trees, flower petals covering the aisle, daisies as the centerpieces, and daisies in Emma’s hands. Emma’s dream had always been an outdoor wedding.

When speaking with Emma and Harry both had stated that they made the decision not to give up. Always leaving you to wonder.

There was a part of you that was blinded by desirous thoughts. Had it been a mistake? To conclude a relationship that you had fought so long for?

Lately it had been.

You made your way to the elevator and as it opened you found a familiar face. He seemed uneasy, though.

“Y/N!” His voice was only a confirmation to his precarious state.

Your cheeks furrowed as you smiled, “Clark, hi!”

“Y/N,” he greeted you with a hug, a very nervous hug. as you stepped into the elevator. “Fuck, you look stunning. Loving the flowers on the hair.”

The dress was absolutely stunning, you had to give in that Emma’s taste was remarkable. Sky blue had been her color choice, to match with the flowers. Daisies and hydrangeas. Innocence and beauty.

It was ironic, a bit. You’d helped her with the flowers, and initially she had like sunflowers. As if it had been sntached from you. Maybe it was destiny laughing in your face. Yet she’d gone for the delicate hydrangeas.

“Thanks, Emma’s idea,” you grinned. “Where are you—“

“Oh eh, with the other boys,” he said as you pressed the button. He was shaking.

“So, what’s got you all flustered?” You questioned.

You could see Clark sweating. “Hm?”

“What’s got you all flustered?” You questioned, again.

He didn’t give you an answer. “Clark?”

Clark bit his lip. It was never usual for Clark to be anxious or to hide thoughts for himself. The man was always certain of his thoughts and actions. There was probably a calamity waiting for you.

“I—I am only the messenger,” he said, “I was actually looking for—Tim but—“

There it was. “But?”

“I think you might be of more help,” Clark admitted.

“Clark?” Your brows furrowed as the elevator door opened. He only offered a nervous smile as he licked his lips.

You saw Tom at the end of the hallway, on a call, shirt buttoned half way, his other hand running through his hair, he looked troubled. You were hoping his eyes would meet yours. Ever since the wedding was approaching he had been inattentive. Maybe the wedding hurt as much. It had been so hard for him to switch from lovers to friends. Did he ever stop and wonder if you guys could’ve had one? Did Tom also hindered with painful thoughts of how everything had so carelessly ended?

Lately it was all you had in your mind, how you felt ready. Or maybe it was the pressure that the wedding was giving you. And just as you started getting closer, Tom had backed away without a warning.

James was just getting out of the room, mid hallway. Your brother seemed to be as stressed. The tie around his neck barely covering it, his hair was scrunched. James’ eyes crossed with yours and then went straight to his husband’s.

“You brought y/n?” James pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ah, fuck it,” he looked at his watch. “Yes, you might be more helpful,” James said as he gestured with his hand to come over.

There was clearly something going on. You eyed Tom, who still was not aware you were there.

“I—Sam, no, no, I’ll—I can’t stay here, fuck I have his phone here—“You heard him say before James had dragged you into the room.

You approached your brother. “What is going on?”

“We—couldn’t find Harry’s tie,” James explained.

A tie? This was all of it? This whole catastrophe was for a tie?

“Can't any of you give him yours?” You frowned. It was no surprise that they hadn’t come up with a solution to such a simple problem, you could not expect less from men.

James rolled his eyes. “So he went to search for it about an hour ago but he fucking left his phone here and—“

Then you understood what was going on. “Where’s Harry?” You closed your eyes.

James gulped. “That’s—the thing.”

“Where is Harry?” You questioned, again.

Clark cleared his throat. “We don’t—know.”

Oh, so you were fucked. “Whose stupid idea was—?”

“Well, Dad told me he left home about 40 minutes ago and he didn’t see him at home, Sam hasn’t found him—Their fucking twin telepathy thing is broken, I guess—“Tom had walked in staring at his phone, loudly explaining his previous conversation. “Oh—hi, y/n.”

“Hi.” It was rutinary, for both of you. To just—stop when the other walked into a room. You blushed. Only noticing until then how handsome he looked. Seemed you hadn’t realized how badly you wanted him. In the most innocent way, in the way that you only wanted to offer him your heart. In the way that you only wanted the sole confirmation that he still loved you. In the way you wanted to be the reason for his smile.

You wanted to ask him, if it was okay he was still on your mind. Was it wrong? Would he be chill with him visiting your dreams?

Because that had been the hardest part of it all. At some point you had both decided you needed to move on… Because both of you at the beginning were trying to get back together and after a long conversation that almost led to one kiss, you both decided it wasn’t appropriate. So pretending you didn’t love each other was the way you’d keep him, for whatever it was worth.

Tom had said it once, hadn’t he? How everytime you both stated your feelings… it hurt. So now that you weren’t stating them, you were supposed to not hurt. Why did it, then?

“You look—stunning,” he eyed you up and down, and licked his lips, “I—I’m sorry I didn’t-uh-call this morning-I was—“

“You look pretty, too,” you interrupted. Knowing that the missed call would be a subject for James’ interest. The short story was—you had probably had a few more drinks than you should’ve with him at the hotel bar with Clark and James and Tom had walked you to your room, only walking, not even a kiss on the cheek as much as you had wanted it, but he had promised to call in the morning after you had claimed he had been ignoring you. He hadn’t called.

And was aware of it, which meant he hadn’t forgotten. It meant he had avoided you, again.

It had seemed that from one morning to another Tom had decided that the word friends meant strangers.

Maybe he wouldn’t pay a visit to your dreams.

He reached for your hair, “I like the flowers—”

“Can you both leave your ‘in love but not together’ bullshit for later?” James snapped you both out of the trance. “The wedding is in two hours and the fucking groom is no where in sight.”

Both Tom and you turned to him, travelling back to reality. “Well it’s not my fault! Who—sent him? Why didn’t you guys offer to go for the stupid tie?” You snapped back at your brother.

Tom looked away.

Of course. You watched him. “Tom? How do you plead?”

“Guilty,” he admitted.

You took a deep breath. This was definitely not the scenario you wanted to find yourself in. Had… Harry escaped? It was… not likely to escape but then again, you’d learned not to expect anything.

It was reason enough to worry.

“I wouldn’t jump to conclusions,” Tom said.

James sighed. “He took my car and—“

“You gave him your car to escape—!” You snapped. “Your car always stops working!”

“No,to go for his tie, not to escape,” Tom snapped his fingers with a smile defending your brother. “We-”

“Thomas oh my god, I am not even- All of you, you all thought it was a good idea?” You were furious now. Whose stupid idea was it to-Of course it had been Tom’s. You were going to jump to conclusions. “To send the groom when any of you could have gone-?”

You didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

You really didn’t, however it was ineluctable. Not because Harry didn’t love Emma, but because Harry was… scared. You didn’t blame him. True love comes barely once in a thousand lifetimes and when we finally get to it, it might be too much for us to handle. However after your conversations with Harry this cataclystic outcome had not been foreseen.

“My dad is around the hotel trying to find him,” Tom quickly answered.

You took a deep breath. You perfectly knew Harry.

Harry and you were close as you had once been, in a way, Harry and you were well apprised of the other. Harry was reasonable enough not to leave his wedding.

“He offered to go,” James explained.

Harry wouldn’t have offered that unless he needed to go away. And you only needed one confirmation, there was no way Harry would’ve forgotten his tie. Harry would’ve never forgotten it, unless it had been self sabotaged.

You were conveyed to the drawers, opened each one carefully, fearing you’d find it, and your gut had been right. there it was. The tie in all of its splendor. “And you let him go?” You asked, taking the tie and swinging it to them. “To search for this tie?”

“Yes,” James closed his eyes. “Fuck. We should’ve known.”

Your eyes crossed with Tom’s and then you then realized it, Tom seemed calm. Tom wasn’t freaking out. Not externally. You weren’t sure if he really wasn’t or if it was the usual wall you both build around the other. Incomprehensible it seemed now. Always keeping it cool, So many things you’ve lived and you had let them go oh so easily?

But you were flawed. You had been. But not now, what was stopping you both? Wasn’t he still the one holding your broken heart in the palm of his hand? Had he not borrowed it?

You were still trying to hold his.

But your mind shouldn’t be worried about your relationship with Tom when the groom was nowhere to be found. When he had lied that he lost his tie and it was right in that drawer.

Yet, you somehow knew there was something… Something there.

“He was supposed to go home then?” You questioned Tom.

Tom was getting anxious by the second. “Yes, so we can go look for him.”

“The two of you?” James interrupted.

“Yes the two of us, we could split and look for him but...” Tom said. “Someone has to stay here.”

James was slightly annoyed, you could tell. But James was often annoyed at you and Tom. James had been the most disappointed about the resulting relationship. Honestly, everybody was disappointed. Had you been cowards for giving up?

So much drama and for what?

“Of course you’d think splitting up is a good idea,” James snapped with poison. James was annoyed because he always pointed it out to you, how much you’d fought to have him and how easily you’d walked out.

Walking out had not been easy. Walking out had to be the most painful decision you’ve ever made. And you remembered that night you had, the city was asleep, the night was quiet, and you were the only one standing on that street, under that streetlight. Alone. He hadn’t gone to you. You’d looked back to his window, expecting him to be there, and then the door had remained closed.

You cleared your throat. “I might know where Harry is,” you lied. You were at a loss of your mind at the moment. Maybe it was shock. Not maybe, it certainly was shock. The sole thought of Harry not appearing at his own wedding had not ever crossed your mind. You’d thought Emma would’ve. Would’ve been in character, but how stupid do you have to be to run from your wedding on your wedding day?

Tom directed a glance. “I think I might know where he is, too.”

Did he? Or was he only trying to prove a point?

Though the friendship was afloat, some habits could never wear out. Especially when it came to challenging the other. After the breakup it had become a sort of competition of who was dealing better with it.

Neither of you were coping well, but you wouldn’t admit it.

How disappointing, isn’t it? A whole story to end just in a few words. A whole journey to be plucked off your hands. So quickly, so easily.

How ironic it seemed that after such a long time, it was this breaking up bullshit.

James watched between the both of you. “Do you really?”

“Yes,” Tom and you answered and panicked at the other’s statement.

“Well, I’ll race you there,” you challenged.

Tom squinted, “I don’t have my car, dad gave me a ride.”

“Well, then, you should start running so I don’t beat you there,” you grinned and then walked off the room, decidingly. Only thing left was knowing where exactly Harry had run to.

“This isn’t a fucking game, y/n!” James reminded you. “We need to find Harry.”

“I know, Jamesy!”

Tom had rushed after you, “You have no idea where he is, do you?” He mumbled.

“Not a clue,” you admitted. “You?”

He laughed, “Not a fucking clue, either.”

You both got into the elevator. He dug his hands into his pockets.

“Do you think he escaped?” Tom questioned.

“It’s possible,” you admitted. You sighed, as you pressed the button to the upper floor.

“What are you doing?” Tom asked.

“I need my keys,” You said.

Tom’s eyes widened. “And are you telling Emma?” He was panicking.

“Of course!” You gave him the widest beam. “She’ll be delighted!”

“What?”

You jokingly slapped his head. “Of course not, idiot! How the fuck am I supposed to tell her? What would I even tell her? Hey! We can’t find Harry! He might have run off! No!”

“Right. Then what’s the alibi?” Tom asked. “Just showing up and leaving?”

You sighed, “You, you will be my alibi.”

Tom blinked but followed after you when the elevator door finally left you at your floor, you rushed to the room, but stopped in front of it, buttoning Tom up. He watched you with confusion.

“I thought I was your alibi,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes, “Not that kind of alibi, dipshit.“

Helaughed, rolling his eyes and avoiding your gaze. “Yeah, it’s been a while since that could be the alibi.”

You decided to ignore the statement, “Now, when I walk in, if you hear Emma question me—just call me and try rushing me.”

“Alright, but I think we need a solid alibi, y/n,” Tom pushed.

You rolled your eyes, “I’ll take care of that,” you confirmed and opened the door where you were welcomed by Timmy, who was about to go out.

“Oh, hey,” Tim greeted and then eyed Tom. “Thomas.”

“Timothée,” Tom nodded his head.

Even when they both presumed to be friends, you knew that Tim and Tom would always have some sort of… disagreement.

“Uh, I was about to… go see Lily,” Tim explained, turning back to you. “Mind staying with Emma-? Her mother is on one last minute arrangements, it might rain so they’re trying to figure out what to do-So if you could—“

“Actually,” you cleared your throat. “An emergency came up, so I need you to stay here, maybe tell Lily to come here?”

Tim frowned. “What emergency?”

“We’re taking care of it,” Tom explained as you rushed in looking for your purse. “We’ll be quick,” he added. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Y/N, babe, you’re back!” Emma commented.

You squinted your eyes closed, “And I’m leaving—sorry, I need to uh—It will be quick I promise there’s an issue with—there’s an emergency—“

Emma was nervous, “y/n? Everything okay? Did something happen to the flowers?”

You couldn’t lie to her, but you could omit the truth. “No, everything okay with the flowers—I promise I’ll be here quickly, I’m just going to—“

“Y/N, darling?” You heard Tom outside. “We need to go, now.”

Emma heard and then she was no longer going to question you. Not right now, at least. “Ah,” Emma said, knowingly as she rolled her eyes. “I see, Tom— an emergency with Tom.”

“I promise it’s not like that,” you assured her. “But everything is okay and— I’ll be here in time.”

“I am freaking out, do you see the sky? It’s grey! Fucking grey! I need to stop the rain!” Emma yelled. “What if it’s a bloody sign? Fuck, I need to talk to Harry, I need him-”

You freaked out by then. “No, Emma, calm down, it’ll be okay, we will figure something out!”

“Y/N! Please!” Tom called in again.

Emma watched you, “I swear to god, y/n, if your emergency is fucking that man I will murder you.” “Trust me, it’s not.”

Emma glared, “Y/N, I’ll only say it one more time. If you’re leaving my wedding to have sex with that hunk, I will kill you.”

You shook your head. “I’m… Trying to figure out what to do with the rain, okay? Leave this ro me! I’ll see you in a bit, Emma!” You ran back out.

You saw Tom’s mother walking down the hallway, she offered you a concerned look.

Tom seemed calm enough for Tim, however, who was watching him with curiosity. You were thankful that they avoided conversing with each other, especially because Tom would probably screw up the alibi. One that you didn’t have. But probably Tim had bought it, even if he had yet to hear what the alibi was. However, you knew that Tom’s presence was a solid alibi for rather than anything else.

Tom had been an alibi for your nerves. You knew that Tim wouldn’t question why you were nervous because he knew you were always nervous when Tom was around. You certainly looked flustered and having Tom there would definitely explain why you were jittery.

Tim raised his brows at you, and you only took Tom’s hand in an attempt to drag him back to the elevator. Tim was explicitly confused.

“Ah, Nikki! I’m so glad you’re here, Emma is finishing up, would you mind helping her?” Your voice was coming out slightly coarse.

The woman gulped, “are Tom and you taking care of the...rain issue?” She questioned.

“Yes, ma’,” Tom quickly nodded, “we will… find the rain.”

Some things never change, Tom was still an idiot. And for being an actor how terrible was he at lying.

“Find?” Tim questioned.

“Nothing to worry about, Tim darling,” Nikki stepped into the room, trying to push Timothee back inside, “they are taking care of it and they should go look at it, right now, chop chop!”

“See you in a bit, Tim!” You said as you ran to the elevator as Nikki closed the door, you finally were able to let go of Tom’s hand.

He cleared his throat as he pressed the button, “So what was the alibi?” Tom second glanced at you. “Why would we take care of the rain?”

“Because it got lost,” you shrugged. “Why else would we find it.”

He closed his eyes as you both walked into the elevator. “I’m an idiot.”

“Biggest one.”

He chuckled, “I—uh, heard Emma’s comment. About her thinking we were going to-”

You blushed, “Yeah.”

Big distance between both of you. Never ever close enough to accidentally brush against each other or hands coincidentally touching.

How different it was from the elevator in New York.

Tom cleared his throat. “Good to know where she stands in that subject.”

You shrugged, “I would also get mad if my best friend ditched me at my wedding to have sex with an idiot.”

He smirked rolling his eyes. “I believe the term she used was hunk.”

You ignored the comment.

“Why didn’t Timothee question us?” Tom asked.

You shrugged, “Haven’t you noticed that no one questions us?”

Tom furrowed his brows. “How so?”

“Whenever we are together, they never ask anything, they just let us be,” you admitted. Because everyone was waiting for you both to get back together or everyone expected something more from you. You never gave it to them.

He tilted his head slightly, agreeing with you. “I guess they think they’re going to make things awkward.”

No. People let you be because they wanted you to solve it.

“As if they could be,” you chuckled. “I think that’s the best part of us right now, people just don’t… meddle.”

Tom smiled, “I guess.”

You cleared your throat, “Now, where the fuck do you reckon Harry is?” You asked as you reached the lobby, turning back to what actually mattered.

“Honestly, I have no idea, nothing can come to my mind, it’s just… Not likely from Harry to run away,” Tom said. “Like—Me? Definitely. I would’ve—“

“Yes, you’d definitely run,” you nodded as you jingled the keys. Tom asked for the car at the valet.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Tom questioned.

“You’d definitely escape from your own wedding,” you chuckled. “You’re so afraid of commitment. It’s the Gemini in you.”

He opened his mouth with pride, “excuse me? Me the one afraid of commitment? May I remind you of your past, my lady?”

You avoided his gaze. “You may not.”

“Said no to a proposal, poor Timothee,” Tom started with a smirk.

“Okay that’s—“You cleared your throat, chuckling slightly. “You shouldn’t—“

“Then—Then,you faked a relationship.”

You eyed him, “are we really going to touch that subject, again?”

“You were scared of commitment enough to fake one,” he joked.

You could joke about it now. Or he could. You’d never joke about it.

“Or I knew you wouldn’t commit so I had to fake I didn’t want it,” you smugly answered.

He faked annoyance. “Well, you ran to another country, yes, just after confessing your lovely feelings through a letter—“

“That’s…different.”

“Then you didn’t give me an answer—you didn’t know if you wanted to date me,” he recalled.

You scoffed, “Thomas, may I remind you why I didn’t want to date you?”

“Then you called it quits after seeing your brother getting married and you were scared we were heading there too,” Tom said.

You gulped, “Ah, yes that last one wasn’t me—“ you reminded him. “Not entirely.”

Tom licked his lips. “Maybe we are both afraid of commitment.”

“No,” you nudged him. “I wasn’t.”

“I wasn’t either.”

There was a sudden silence. You’d barely talked about it before. As if the relationship had suddenly disappeared.

You hadn’t talked about the breakup once in months.

“I would say we are at a crossroads but,” he shrugged. “I do not believe that commitment was the reason for—“

“Nope,” you gave in. “It was not.”

Because it wasn’t, maybe it was the fact you were both too committed to a relationship without form.

“However—you did—“Tom cleared his throat. “I mean—we were headed in some sort of direction.”

“Thomas, I don’t think now is the time to have the conversation we haven’t had.”

“So we should keep pushing it, then? Pretending we are both fine with this agreement? Lately we don’t seem fine with it.”

You knew he was right. Neither of you were entirely happy with this whole new friendship thing. “I—maybe we can talk about it when we find Harry!”

Tom pursed his lips, “so you do want to talk about it?”

You took a deep breath, “Thomas, we can push aside that conversation but we cannot push aside the fact your brother is nowhere to be found on his wedding day.”

“Fine.”

“Besides I think if we’ve pushed it long enough—“

He laughed. “We are—particularly calm about that subject.”

“I don’t think we are,” you admitted. “We just like to pretend when we are calm around each other.”

Tom clicked his tongue, “Maybe. But I’m—We haven’t talked about that in a while.”

“And it’s not the moment right now, it’s your brother’s wedding, and he is nowhere to be found,” you repeated.

Tom’s smile faded and was overstrung again. The car was there.

You let him drive, he usually drove your car. Another habit that hadn’t worn out.

Now things weren’t calm, as if the sudden rush had become the both of you. You finally got it, the anxiety that should’ve come from hearing it. The anger and despair that you were supposed to feel from Harry running away.

He looked down, “what’s that?” He pointed at the cup on the cup holder.

“Coffee, from yesterday,” you explained. “Didn’t finish it.”

“You think I could die from that?” He asked.

You looked at him. “I—don’t know but—You're not thinking of—“

“Drinking it?” Tom smirked. “Yeah, I’m just—-thirsty.”

“Please don’t.”

He took the cup, “I won’t die.”

“I guess not but it’s been sitting here one day!” You tried taking it off. He gripped it and shook his head.

“I won’t die!” He said before taking a sip and scrunching his nose. “This is fucking disgusting.”

“Why are you bloody drinking it?” You laughed.

He laughed, “I—I don’t know, but no it’s not that bad.”

“Thomas what the fuck,” you couldn’t stop laughing. “If you die then I’ll have to take care of your dead body and finding Harry, and my priority is finding Harry so I’d have to pull a Weekend at Bernie’s”

Tom giggled and stuck his tongue out, acting so terribly as if he was actually dying.

“You know,” you watched him with fake repulsion. “You deserve an Oscar for that one performance.”

“Right?” He grinned. “I’ll thank you when I receive it.”

You chuckled, “I think we should focus on Harry instead, yes?”

You both discussed places where he would go, that park? Unlikely. That Pub? He wasn’t there. Home?

Where in the world would he go?

“What if he—?” You were getting tired. “What if he didn’t run away?”

Tom looked over, he was rubbing his face, angry you hadn’t found him at the third pub. “That’s the thing, I don’t think he did.”

“It makes no sense, does it?” You questioned.

“No, he—he loves her,” Tom licked his lips. “It’s cause—“ he clutched to the wheel. “I don’t think Harry would—“

“No, I don’t think so—I just—“

It started to rain, because of course it bloody had to. Seemed that the ambiance always had the urge to level up to the level of drama you were always living.

“Jesus Christ, can we ever get into a dramatic moment without it raining?” Tom questioned, angrily.

You rolled your eyes, suppressing a laugh. “I—It was on the news forecast, I am sorry to inform you, but we’ve got nothing to do with the weather.”

Tom laughed, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“Alright, if he’s not at home then he’s—“You laughed, “Where the fuck is Harry?” You yelled, defeated.

Tom pinched the bridge of his nose. “I—hate Harry.”

You agreed. “Wait—wait, where’s your dad driving around?”

“Dunno, but he would’ve called,” Tom admitted. “Bloody hell, I hate Harry—I—can’t believe he did this.” You stayed quiet. If he had. What had led him to it? The day before he had been alright. Of course, he seemed nervous but he was excited, dreamy. In love.

“What do you know?” He questioned.

You frowned, getting your gaze back to him. “What?”

“You have your—thinking face on,” Tom pointed out. “See? Brow furrowed and hand on hair and everything,” he said. “You feel...guilty?”

“What?” You chuckled nervously. “No!”

“I know you guys spoke yesterday,” he recalled.

“Well yes, I wished him luck, but nothing—He gave me no clue of that, no clues of running away!” you admitted. “He was scared but he—I mean I thought it was usual wedding jitters but—he didn’t—I just—Calmed him. I mean he talked to you before, you probably were the one to scare him!”

“I—what?” Tom was taken aback. “I—I didn’t—“

“He talked to you before me!”

“yes, we talked but I gave him brotherly—marriage advice.”

You scoffed. “You? You gave him marriage advice?”

Tom chuckled nervously, “I—no, but—love advice.”

“We are the last people on earth that should give advice on that,” you stated.

He sighed, “I know but—“

“What did you say to him? Maybe you scared him and that’s why he ran away!” You stated, poking him.

He frowned, “Did not!”

“What did you even say to him?” You pushed. “I just know.”

He rolled his eyes, and mocked, “you just know?”

You playfully slapped his arm. “Yes, idiot! I know, you give the worst advice on love, you’re so dramatic.”

“I am dramatic?” He laughed.

“Yes,” you interrupted before he could even defend himself, “and—and, and I am too. We are—Oh god, are we to blame for Harry running away?”

Tom seemed to realize it at the same time. “I mean—Considering what we both could’ve said—“

Neither of you couldn’t help but laugh, maybe with guilt.

“I’m scared,” Tom admitted. He sighed, holding one last laughter.“We’re fucked.”

You both stayed calmly, as the rain halted against the car.

“What did you talk about with him?” He questioned.

Of course the question held more than that. You knew what he was asking about actually.

Seemed that both of you knew you had basically laid it on Harry the day before. Or maybe not. But where else would Tom ever get his advice from?

You had told him not to give up, you’d told Harry that he had found it, whatever love is, he’d found it.

“How I was proud of him, how I wanted what he was getting,” you shrugged.

You had also joked about how you and him wouldn’t have worked out. But you’d also said you were sorry it hadn’t worked out with Tom either. How you knew that him and Emma were not headed there, that he had nothing to worry about.

How you regretted the script. Spilling out your heartbreak for the world to see. Spilling your love story that was barely one and how people had a lot to say about it.

How it was painful to hide your love. How you knew Tom hadn’t moved on either but probably was planning to.

You told Harry to keep his feelings for Emma, and only Emma. That he didn’t have to share it. You had told Harry to treasure every morning, and to find a flower to talk for him.

“You?”

“I apologized for ruining his engagement party,” Tom nodded, “the first one.”

You both gulped.

“But how I—“ Tom shifted in his seat. “How I thought that they had found the silver linings for it all. That after being apart they’d just come back stronger. And how—I was happy for him. How they overcame all obstacles. And how they were just meant to be.”

“Soulmates they are,” you said. “Which is why it makes no sense he is not there.”

“We need to find him,” he stated.

You nodded. “We are very calm, though, considering-”

“Yeah,” he gave in. “I—What about the park?”

“Oh? The park? Not a park, the park, of course, how didn’t I think of that,” you teased. “Oh yes, the park. As if there aren’t hundreds of parks. Yes the park.”

He snorted a laugh, “shut up! You know where I meant!”

“Well, drive, you pillock!” You chuckled. “Drive to—the park!”

He rolled his eyes and was about to start the car, yet again.

“Wait,” there was a part of you that thought you knew where he might be. But—to explain where it was would be difficult. “Let me drive.”

To try and find Harry. Which was technically the quest.

You had less time now. You were tired. But there was something that was making you believe you could find him. You hoped you were right.

Being behind the wheel with Tom as your copilot was weird. You always let him drive because you usually were in charge of the music.

“Well, given that I’m here, I’ll be for the first time in charge of the music in your car,”he said. He seemed to have the same thing in mind.

Which was completely stupid since you were looking for a lost groom, but well, Tom and you didn’t have much in common but you could always brag about the same stupidity and brain cell you shared.

He took the aux cord as you were driving, driving to that location that wasn’t far enough. A place you knew that gave Harry peace. The park.

But of course your own peace was disturbed as ‘I think we're alone now’ played.

You hadn’t listened to that song in a long while, since you’d danced to it on his living room, most of the lights out, your screen light and his own eyes being the only light you needed. When the things were good.

You had, purposefully, erased most songs that ever reminded you of him.

“You seriously have that song?” You snorted as the memories flooded back in.

Tom avoided your glance and shrugged, “What? It’s on my playlist.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, I notice that. That’s how music works.”

There was silence. Probably driven by the growing fear of not finding Harry, probably coming from the fear that Harry had actually escaped. And what would that mean?

Had Tom and you really scared him?

But you both drowned the fear while humming the song.

Or maybe the silence came from the very memories of the song.

“It’s on this specific playlist honestly,” Tom said after a few songs.

You blinked, confused. “What?”

“It’s—the song,” he cleared up. “haven’t you noticed the songs playing are only songs you like? Or songs—”

Songs with background. You shrugged, “Well, we have similar taste.”

He laughed, “No, y/n, we truly don’t.”

You glanced at him, as he was looking out the window. “Huh, alright—maybe that is the reason we broke up.”

Tom clenched his jaw. “Don’t be an idiot.”

You rolled your eyes. “Never mind, that is.”

“No,” he squeezed his eyes shut. “what Imean—this is my—you playlist.”

You didn’t answer. Not right away.

“You’re not going to say anything?” Tom asked.

“What does that even mean?” You questioned.

He licked his lips. “I—well.”

“So you ignore me but you have a playlist—a me playlist?” You questioned.

Tom licked his lips, “I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you, it’s—been hard.”

It had been, for you, too. “It’s harder if we are apart,” you pointed out.

He gulped, “That is my point,” he coughed. “We are friends,” he said. “And lately, before I started ignoring you—We were—“

You had been acting a bit more than what friends are supposed to act like. And a wedding always brings romance in everything so it was hard.

You cleared your throat, “It makes it weirder if we both walk away from the other.”

Tom bit his lip, “is it, really?” He watched you carefully. “Because, y/n, I—I’ve been… jealous, how they solved it. And how we couldn’t, after we both tried it was so hard, how we kept falling back.”

You had been slightly jealous, too.

“And, really, I—look, I love my brother and Emma, it’s not them ,” he continued, he rolled his eyes. “For all I know, we are both bitter because before James’ wedding happened we were both talking about… marriage and all,” Tom continued. “And they basically stole what could have been our wedding.”

So you were going to have that conversation. A conversation you had avoided even before the breakup. How both of you were… in talks. How you were expecting it. How you’d jitter if he ever got on his knee to tie his shoe, how every time you’d be waiting for it.

“We didn’t even get engaged,” you pointed out, in an attempt to be cynical, probably.

He coughed, “We talked about it. Good thing—We didn’t get that far because, well.”

“I think we both thought marrying would salvage us from falling,” you stated. “Or we thought it was the next step.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, I think we did,” he admitted. “But I—Back then I really thought, I dunno. I was really about to ask.”

You took a deep breath, “I would’ve said yes,” you said easily, though it hurt to even think about it. Though, you had been prepared to say yes.

“It wouldn’t have been right,” he pointed out. “We would’ve broken up before even getting to plan it.”

He was right. So, so right, because where you were heading wasn’t a wedding, you were heading to an even more hurtful breakup.

The decision had been made acknowledging this. Knowing it would hurt less then. Avoiding a terrible breakup.

“We were on a thin line,” you agreed. “Anything would’ve broken us.”

“I knew we were going through a rough patch but—I think we never realized how rough it was.”

You sighed, “Maybe I fucked up when we came back here, when I decided not to move in.”

Tom took a deep breath, “No, it wasn’t that.”

What was it? What had it been?

“I don’t know where we went wrong,” you admitted. “I really don’t.”

He shook his head, confirming he didn’t either. When asked, neither of you had a reason. It just—happened. Things had been just so rough and hard. Nothing to hold on to.

Though it didn’t make sense, you loved him. And he loved you.

“I think we both expected things to get better by themselves.” Tom played with his fingers and watched the window, staring at the raindrops slipping through it. Sliding easily, without no one stopping them.

“And we grew tired of fighting,” you added, as you stopped at a red light.

“Can't even remember what we were fighting about,” he confessed.

You took a heavy breath in, as the music still played in the background. “About nothing, and about everything. We fought over serious stuff, like whether we wanted to be public or not. A little about Tim and Cherry. And over stupid stuff mostly, yeah mostly over stupid stuff. Like when we were supposed to wake up for certain events or what tie you’d wear for James’ wedding, we fought over you staying at my place too much. We also fought about FaceTime hours, and whether we had to ask if we were available for it or not.”

Tom dedicated his glance back to you, sad, upset and full of regret. “I remember the cereal one.”

You raised your brows, “Yeah, that one was a smashing doors one.”

“Over stupid cereal,” he sighed as he brushed his face. “We were so—“

“Toxic?” You finished his sentence.

He chuckled, “yeah, mostly at the end.”

“The beginning too, I mean,” you shook your head. “I—We had sex to just solve everything. Thomas, we had hatred sex.”

He chuckled. “Well.”

You shrugged, “And that’s how we solved the fights initially.”

“It wasn’t enough at the end,” he added.

“It never was, and that’s—Thats why, although we both said we would talk we just—I think that’s why it didn’t work, at the end we just—grew tired of each other, the spark was gone.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Maybe it was the script,” you pointed out. “Everything concerning it.”

Learning he had a lot to do with the fact it was made had made you doubt yourself, the one true accomplishment had come because he had come to the rescue. Although it had been nice it had really started the downfall of your trust.

“No,” he shrugged.

He didn’t want to talk about it. You had had enough talks about the script, over the fact you wrote it and then regretted it. Over filming and the input he had in the movie, how the character had more in depth than before.

Over the fact he had come to your rescue because it hadn’t been good enough. That one specially had been the start of your downfall. Seemed that when you learned about it, you had completely gone mental. Though, it had come from his heart, he didn’t understand why you were angry.

You had always asked him not to ever give a hand with your writing, if you wanted to succeed it would be for your own accomplishments.

Then again, there was also this side that loved he had helped.

Truth is, it hadn’t affected your relationship, but it had affected your own self trust. And if you can’t trust yourself, however will you trust someone else?

Enough talks had been had.

“No,” Tom started. “We were guilty. Both of us, as if we were making it up for past mistakes. I never stopped thinking about what Tim said, and I think that’s why I always tried making it up for all the other times I hurt you. And then you tried making it up for the script, or—Whatever, it was a relationship built up on guilt.”

“Yeah, I think,” you whispered almost not wanting to be heard, “we both had things to learn about ourselves, and forgive ourselves first… and the timing was wrong.”

Tom shrugged, “Isn't it always wrong with us?”

Time was your true enemy. Or maybe it was easier to blame time rather than yourselves. Time was nothing.

It had been you and your pride or your fear, or whatever you came up with now.

However, there was some truth in that statement. Maybe in the past few months it had been time.

When you had told James and Harry you might want to get back together, Tom was dating.

When you were dating, Harry had told you he was thinking about it.

But what about now? Neither of you were dating, you were single and every odd could push you both to be together. Yet…You were not.

How disappointing, you would always think. Such a long story to end up like this.

How disappointing, really.

“No,” he stated, once again. “It’s not time. The problem might be we are the most stupid people to walk on earth.”

“Sounds reasonable,” you said. You nudged him, “look at us now, though, able to talk.”

“I like where we are, yeah,” Tom commented. “I think we are in a good place, we trust each other, we are friends, good friends, we take care, we hang out. We talk. And actually talk.”

You were focusing on the road, mainly, but your heart wanted to say more things. “Yeah.”

“There’s something bothering you,” Tom stared, intrigued.

“I don’t like you avoiding me,” you stated. “I really can’t stand it.”

“I won’t avoid you, then.”

Then, it was quiet. And it didn’t matter, you enjoyed moments of silence, and it wasn’t awkward. Both of you had learned that sometimes you just don’t have to say a word.

But you had to, in fear he would feel you were angry at the previous conversation.“It’s not even all songs I like,” you pointed out.

“Hm?”

“The playlist,” you decided you didn’t want to continue that past conversation.

He coughed, “So we are changing the conversation, huh? Well, they are songs that remind me of you but hey!” He nudged you. “Which ones don’t you like?”

So easily changing subjects and getting out a smile.

“I—we can get back to that later,” you turned to him and let out a soft chuckle. “songs that remind you of me?” You smirked, poking his shoulder.

He blushed, rolling his eyes. “Yes,” he admitted defeatedly.

You laughed, “You’re such a nerd.”

“What the fuck! It’s supposed to be sweet!” He complained.

You shrugged. “Or creepy.”

“No, it’s not—“

“I’m kidding I’m—more flattered than spooked—“ you admitted. “So why are you playing it?” You poked his cheek this time and he pushed your hand away.

“Because I’ve noticed you always complain about the music so when I play this you don’t!” He explained, annoyed.

“Oh, so it’s merely to keep me quiet,” you snickered, nodding.

Tom was moving his jaw, “Yes, basically.”

You glanced again, mischievously. “Wasn’t it supposed to be sweet?”

“No.”

You reached for his hair. “Tommy.”

“Don’t Tommy me,” he chuckled. “You called me creepy.”

“Yes, I don’t know how to flirt so I bully you, I thought we had that covered,” you snapped without giving it a second thought. Then completely regretting it.

His smirk was wide now, as he laughed maniacally. “Oh so you’re flirting.”

Your turn to blush had come. “No.”

He grinned. “You are.”

But then it was a miracle, a way to avoid this subject completely because it was not the conversation to be having with the current situation. “Shut up.”

“No, you are trying to flirt with me, I won’t shut up!” He mocked you.

“Shut up!”

“No!”

“Thomas! I think that’s Harry!”

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