#I haven't told you how cool you are
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GET BLASTED!!!
WAAAAA OH MY GAH HIIIIIII!!! it's so nice to see your art!! :>
#you are very good at drawing friend!!! <333#I haven't told you how cool you are#you are a very cool mutual and friend :>#probably one of my “biggest fans” lol#(as in you've liked n rebbloged a lotta stuff from lil ol me)#((which I really appreciated <33))#asks#not my art
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if i ever create a sockpuppet account i wouldn't even use it to shower myself with fake praise or Start Shit, i would use it to send myself prompts and then i'd write it and be like "look at me, benevolent author of the people, nobly writing the most self-indulgent thing i can think of. but don't worry! it's not personally revealing or anything, because it's definitely that other guy's fault, whose convenient 'birthday' i definitely didn't select specifically for this occasion." like those anonymous kink memes where people just happened to request the particular filthy shit you happened to be thinking about. prompt laundering.
#YES we should all kill the fear of cringe holding us back NO i haven't succeeded#if you never answered your own prompts on kinkmeme well i'm sorry for how cool you are#remember that time when i went on a podcast while psychiatrically sedated and gushed about my teenage self-insert#and told everyone to resurrect theirs because we are taking back cringe!!!!! and then i DIDN'T.#on fanfic
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Honestly the roleplay blogs are stronger than I am because if I saw a post where people were saying my blog was annoying and calling me corny I would jump in a large pit and rot away
#I don't think I should tag this one#Okay I've typed my emotions out. For a more normal way to put it: While it makes sense to be upset#best move. I'm sure the blogs in question would be happier if you just told them about the roleplay guidelines than if you made a post#where multiple people call them annoying. Like can you imagine if someone said that about a writing blog#'So sick of x reader fics in the tag I don't want to see that and they're all so out of character' What a dick move.#It is a different case with rp blogs I'll give you that. But I think the principle of the matter stands#unless it doesn't and everything I said is stupid#original ramble below I was so mad for some reason. im not mad at anyone really. everyone is cool. love you guys#I get why people are unhappy that theyre clogging up the tags#like despiar dev said not to and people want to see content of despiar thyme not just ask blogs#I saw someone say they just blocked them and like. I get why. however. people do not know everything#but my brother in Christ you're not helping the matter!!!!!!!!1 send them a screenshot of what despiar dev said!!!!help other people!!!!!!!#just politely tell them instead of weirdly vague posting it helps everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe they just don't know#misspelling the tags so no one finds this post. I will actually be so pissed if people find this and r upset#Oh I'm sorry THIS is the post you're noticing? You have followed me for over six months and you haven't said anything about any other negat#negative feelings i've expressed. I see how it is#I wish the drdt confessions account was still open but whatever fucking whatever#sui mention#personal vent#whatever I guess
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If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.
So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.
#DCB Comments#imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it#if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like#they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases#especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them#have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of#the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it#including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other#meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him#they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits#(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man)#but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other#and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him#forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality#like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff)#it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it#basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice#in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits#Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh#basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like#don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick#but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies#funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that#but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that#It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays#but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri-#I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca#if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask#bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic#but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)
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Thought my days of fangirling over morally questionable vampires with sad backstories were over.
Alas I have started playing BG3 and well, if you know you know...
#I kept seeing drawings of this random elf showing up on my dash was like who the hell is this guy and how has he bewitched so many people?#my friend who's very into the game told me he was a vampire and I was like oh that's cool I guess#but then she encouraged me to actually play it#and I discovered he's kind of prick#at which point I was like oh no I'm not doing this again#and then the same friend told me he has a tragic backstory#and I realised I was fighting a losing battle#I suspect most of you guys will have heard of BG3 but if you haven't it's a very fun RPG with DnD style mechanics
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#gods staring at The Crane And The Knife#and every concept just Fucks So Hard#like I figured out one of my big plot questions in book 2 to 3 and just#it required an element of worldbuilding that is So Fucking Cool in hindsight#gotta say even though it's kind of opposite of my usual MO#really REALLY love the degree to which this writing project is 'okay what do I need to be true about the world for this to make sense'#instead of starting with the thing and going 'what are the consequences'#and every single time the thing I come up with fucks so hard#[housemate] if I haven't already told you by the time you see this ask me about Heralds#and also how batteries work
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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just had an unreasonably bitchy reaction, see yall in 20 minutes when im crying because i was unreasonably bitchy
#i really really need to get that adhd diagnosis 🫠#bc my bitchy reaction was because i didn't communicate early enough that i wouldn't be coming to a family thing today#in my defence i was never told any start time or anything else; just a 'will you be there' a week ago.#wasn't told who would be there or how long or what exactly#and tbh since i was only told like over dinner without anything written to remind me it didn't feel like a thing so important#that id have to give a few days notice#like im not the only one at fault here#sure i could have said that i have no energy to come earlier#ugh this feels like being a teenager all over again#every single fucking christmas my parents play tug of war for who of them im gonna visit on christmas#'but we don't want to guilt trip you' well cool i still feel guilt tripped i haven't stopped feeling guilt tripped since i was fucking 14#it's fucking always spend time with us this spend time with us that as if i want to split up my fucking weekend#every fucking time i ride the train to my hometown for 4 hours with oh yes even more traveling#it's always the 'no pressure but we want to see you again' like saying no pressure somehow takes off all pressure#at least my mom openly guilt trips me while my dad and stepmom somehow believe that they're not stressing me tf out#i swear next year im going to neither on christmas. maybe going to my boyfriend.
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#tag talk#as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that#also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of#of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with#another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me#which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh#people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that#cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can.#got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still#which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents.#I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives.#I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are.#anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work#It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo....#idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage.#trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done.#but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside.#I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that.#anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs.#the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back.#then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it#but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster#but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making
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tfw you wanna try to play ttrpgs again, but ever since playing a few years ago during a certain two campaigns, you were bullied by people who you thought were your friends because you didn't know how to play and they made up reasons why they should dislike you irl. especially while you tried to be nice to them and give them space and tried to make steps towards interacting with them in rp too.
like no, it wasn't like "oh, it's just character interaction, these characters just don't like each other!" no it was "no joke, I absolutely hate your guts, Miss Iodine, fuck you and I'll be an arse to you in-game and irl. i will ignore everything you and your character say, i will attack your character because why not and say it's just what my character would do, and then start harassing my DMs"
love it when i tried for months to reach out for a proper sit down only to be given a sorry-not-sorry half-assed push the blame onto the victim apology
like yes this lives rent free in my head. you won, if that's what you wanted.
#autumn says stuff#vent#im still so fuckin salty even though its been so long#i just don't understand how people can treat others so terribly and not even think twice about it#never a moment of ‟maybe I did wrong?‟#nah. just tell Miss Iodine ‟You're a problem‟#yes that exact statement was said to me#maybe ‟bully‟ is a cliche word but i dunno what else to call it#like mate i've been nearly stabbed before during what i can only assume was an attempted hate crime. technically i did get hurt ig because#grabbed the knife by the blade as it was being thrusted towards me. i still have the said knife btw. wanna get free knife? just grab it#from your attacker. and then they'll run off because they're a little shit. actually don't do that. don't recommend that. okay so the point#is that yk ive been hurt physically many times but goddamn this situation still hurts emotionally#it was funny when said someone in this group told me i was 'appropriating neurodivergent culture.' mate. mate. wot. im how?#take it from me. im not neurotypical lmao. i thought that was obvious but no. no idea where this even stemmed from tbh because it really#came out of nowhere. also being called a fascist for years by these people for liking worldbuilding and star trek was cool. didn't realize#that fuckin reading old soviet books and playing papers please and minecraft makes me a fascist somehow. but you learned it here.#im still so fucking pissed about that accusation. love that their additional reasoning that im somehow a fascist was that#‟you're getting mad and keep insisting you're not a fascist‟ is proof that you're a fascist. what else am i supposed to do? you haven't#even given an ounce of some so-called mountain of evidence.#its cool that no one cared about what these people did to me. better to retain a friendship with them and never bring up what they did.#better to just alienate miss iodine from the friend group. better to never bring it up. better to forget any of this happened. better to#forget that miss iodine exists.#sometimes i wish i could know what its like to not give a flying fuck about other people. I wonder what it's like to be such a shitty perso#fucking hell.#thought i found home when i first met that group. instead it just reminds me of the home i grew up in.#My biological family (save two cool cousins) is probably a collection of some of the worst people in existence.
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I'M TRYING TO APPRECIATE MY FAMILY AND IMPROVE MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEM BC THAT'S IMPORTANT IN LIFE AND IT'S GOOD TO HAVE A NETWORK LIKE THIS, BUT IF THEY COULD STOP BEING ISLAMOPHOBIC IT WOULD CERTAINLY HELP
#hi cousin something i haven't seen in two thirds of a decade it's good to talk again#sure hope you aren't gonna launch into the description of how you're such a good atheist who doesn't care about people's lives#but really your daughter's muslim husband with his dumb and negative ideas to get his kids in contact with religion!#they worn born here after all! and him too! they're romanticizing their country of origin!#our traditions aren't even religious really so why does he express mild discomfort? the kids love it!#and my aunt who doubles down by quoting a guy so right wing even the righties don't want him#saying he went too far but really he's not wrong#i always get blindsided because they're the fun side of the family#long hair and boho style and plays music etc etc#so i think they're chill people#BUT NO! THEY JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY'VE GOT YOU CONVINCED THEY'RE COOL AND KIND#AND THEN THEY START SPEWING THIS JUDGEMENTAL CONDESCENDING HATEFUL SHIT#i tried arguing a little just sideways you know#this motherfucker says THINGS about his own damn grandkids.....#he told them a name was too muslim and that'd bring problems lmao#there was a kid named exactly that in my elementary school class he didn't have any fucking problem#you're the one who has a problem my guy the kid is gonna turn out fine as long as you shut your fucking mouth around him and his siblings#it makes me so fucking mad#broadcasting my misery
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Halloween ask 🎃
🔮 have you ever been to a psychic?
🎃 have you ever carved a pumpkin?
Yes! My most recent creation is on my blog! Not very cute, but it's nice to just spend time with my wife
🔮 have you ever been to a psychic?
I haven't actually! But it's funny you bring it up because lately in part of focusing on my happiness and mental health, I've been doing a lot of meditation, learning to be mindful, and part of that has been tapping into my intuition and dreams when I feel certain signs and messages are being delivered from the universe, and I've started expressing more with friends about when I feel things are off or when I have that funny feeling something is going on. Some things are precise right down to the week they happen, and it's been interesting to see play out. This sounds so pretentious I feel, but based on intuition on just my emotions alone, I've predicted certain things that have happened, and I've talked to a friend of mine who thinks I could be a good intuitive tarot reader. So this season, I bought myself a deck and started learning! We'll see how it goes, but the question made me think of that, so I wanted to get it out there. Your girl is learning tarot~
#erin answers stuff 2k22#there's a few things that haven't happened yet#not when i think they'll happen anyway#but if they do then thats lowkey terrifying lol#like i've been told water signs esp cancer are the most psychic of the zodiac but hnnnn idk#i never considered it until i started really focusing on it#it's been interesting if anything#and something kinda cool to do during autumn#but honestly out of curiousity I’ve watched some tarot readings on YouTube that are verifying what I’m feeling#idk how much weight id put into it but it’s interesting having a certain storyline be told to you and it’s the exact same you’re feeling
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It's giving the...main character syndrome. like who tf does she think she is??? Y/N???
NO OH MY GOSH ANON. LET ME TELL YOU. LET ME FRIGGIN TELL YOU.
#okay so i need to give her a name. we will call her yn bc she is just so different and quirky and not like other girls#so i haven't liked yn since freshman year (am a junior) because she seemed incredibly pretentious. she has like awards n stuff for this#asian advocation group and tons of other stuff which is GOOD. but she has a tendency to brag and be very cocky about it.#AND YOU KNOW WHAT. IT WASNT JUST ME. MY FRIEND FROM SEMINAR who we will call Pie for certain reasons (her name rhymes with it) AGREED WITH#ME ABOUT YN BEING COCKY! and Pie and Yn are in the same group since they are both Asian and ppl at my school typically hang out w their rac#is that racist? like there's an asian boys group and asian girls group. but it's only asians and white people; but it's weird since a large#portion of my school is hispanic. i dunno WEIRD SIDE TANGENT BUT BASICALLY THEY ARE IN THE SAME GROUPS; RIGHT? so Pie was agreeing that Yn#can be very pretencious; and I'm then like#oh i don't really like her for the cheating stuff she did with Mac (fake name) and how she got#him to basically cheat on his girlfriend“ and Pie says ”oh well Mac started it; but Yn lead him on for over a month while he had a gf#and they kept this going until Yn decided to break things off; WHICH MEANS MAC'S NOW EX GIRLFRIEND NEVER KNEW ABOUT ANYTHING W MAC N YN!#also allegedly according to my boyfriend; Yn was doing homework as Mac was yk DOING it to Yn and she just like... LET IT HAPPEN WHILE HE HA#A GIRLFRIEND. HELLO? and when Yn ends it; he's like “omg but yn... i love you...” “no. i'll only hurt you; if you're with me it'll only hur#uh okay 25k words slowburn vibes.... ANYWAYS so she takes screenshots and sends them in a SUPER big groupchat with 20+ people (including Pi#and my boyfriend) and Pie (who was childhood friends with Mac) called her out saying how it was also kind of her fault for being with a guy#who was in a relationship; but she got super defensive about it. and this same thing happened AGAIN 2ish months later with a girl Jas and#her boyfriend Ben; where Yn was friends with both but basically was emotionally cheating with Jas; leading them to break up; and then she#GOT WITH JAS. HELLO???? WHAT??? and they r still together. none of them talk to Ben even though Yn said they were 'all cool and friends'#SUREEEE GIRL SURE. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. and Pie called her out on this AGAIN since Pie is friends with Ben and Jas too but Yn got#defensive AGAIN! BC SHE KNOWS ITS A SHITTY THING TO DO! and Pie doesn't really like her because of it and when Pie told me all of that I wa#in shock. because Yn was trying to play the victim in the situation with Mac when she sent the messages to the gc; and tried to do that AGA#N BUT IN THE SITUATION WITH JAS LIKE NO U ARE JUST A CRAPPY PERSON ! and appearently she is SO toxic she was nearly kicked out from a#leadership role at my school's asian pacific islander club or something! like girl WAKE UP! but that's not all; so i didn't know she was#known for going for people who had partners; yet still didn't like her; and last school year (about 4 months ago) my boyfriend got a 'reall#bad haircut' (i thought it was cute; but everyone made fun of him ) and Yn RAN around our campus trying to find him to make fun of him..#like wtf that's so weird and she will post screenshots of their convos on her story and be like 'omg he's bullying me!' when he's being dry#and did that in the gc (this time; i'm in it!) and i crashed out but my bf was apologizing and saying he told her to not post anything but#she didn't listen or something i guess. and sometimes when they are wearing similar outfits she'll post on her story that they are matching#um girl he has a wife and 12 kids. back the FUCK off. and i told him to distance himself from her or set boundries cuz i don't like that n#it makes me uncomfy; so he did which is good! but i still don't like Yn. she is a major pick-me IMO and very two-faced and covers her
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She's like, come on I know you wanna see it...
you told me all of last fall
#I have to have piss as a reinforcement trigger#digging deep for an Okely#Dokely#there are clones everywhere#I want them all to fuck off#I mean she looked like a party when that school opemed#the eagle has worn her ass down though#you don't need to be told you're doing a good job.....let me guess the Indonesian chaplain going to africa or something saw you#this chick has got such a low tolerance for bullshit it's hilarious#how about I fuck you mind in an email#that email was legend by the way#me: esp#me: no dumbass like this#it's fine I understand...mine is off the charters but I was ignorant as fuck#too bad hon#probably another teeny wiener there *shrugs*#you had children.....why are you torturing everyone's view of your breadts by compression bras for real.....let em breathe#and yeah I had some dark thoughts that probably made her masturbate#sniff 26 huh#look she has been there a long time....I say lets give her some toots#gotta be cool because she's convinced herself she's a square#not like either if the people who raised you?#ever done 23 and me?#privacy concerns....honey the only thing private is the secret you still haven't figured out#a quarter of dad#.#I don't care#fucking dirty hippies hanging out looking for Hitler#have you heard of Florida man....he finds the ones that haven't ever been fucked and gives it to them#if a devil then I will use his magic too I don't give a fuck
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how the fuck do you make friends in college AHHGHGHHGH . send tweet
#there's this ONE GIRL i want to be friends with but we don't sit near each other and only have 1 more class together but she.#called me pretty once and has such positive vibes that I REALLY WANT TO BE HER FRIEND#AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT . i wanna be friends with her friend in that class he's funny as hell#but we RARELY talk unless it's a day where the whole class is chatting together. and i'm. neurodivergent and it hurts my socializing abilit#my friend told me to just have casual conversations and see if we have similarities but like how do you . even . do that#I DON'T ACTUALLY *NEED* ADVICE bc i probably will just overthink and not take it . but if you think you have kickass advice i'll listen#ermmm anyway uhhh positive notes : IT'S ALMOST SUMMER BREAK exams will kick my ass esp history of civilizations but STILL#i'm gonna actually miss that history class bc it's been the one that's felt?? the best ?? best vibes ????#it was just a good class. everyone was chill and we had times before class where everyone would talk in a big group#it was just super chill and fun . the people and professor were cool except for his exams those suck ASS#BUT ANYWAY YAAAAAYYYY SUMMER BREAK !!!!!!!!#if i don't get an out-of-town vacation i'm gonna go NUTS but still no school no school no school!!!!#sorry i'm yappign so much bc i haven't yapped lately + am procrastinating <3
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when i was a kid (10 or so) i was going grocery shopping with my family and freaked out and was refusing to go into the store. my dad reacted to this by trying to drag me out of the car and hit me in the parking lot. now that's not that bad (relatively speaking) but the part that really sticks with me is that some guy started recording it on his phone. i really hope he was just trying to collect evidence or something and didn't think me getting beaten was funny. honestly, probably says something about me that it took so long for me to even realize that he may have been recording for altruistic reasons and not because he was laughing at me.
#it just haunted me for a long time to think that he might have put it online to mock me#like id imagine people making fun of me saying what a spoiled horrible kid i was or whatever#in hindsight he was probably taking a video to call the cops and show them. But i wish i just hadn't been told about it#My mom said something to try to get my dad to stop but I wish I just didn't know. It really fucked with me#like when you're already being blamed for all your abuse it's very hard to not internalize that#and you just kind of assume that nobody is on your side bc obviously it's your fault for being a difficult child#and i WAS a difficult child lmao i had extreme mental problems and nobody knew how to handle them#but the fact remains that if you can't handle a child having sensory overload and meltdowns and panic attacks#you shouldn't have had children in the first place#i know this is therapy material and not Tumblr material but in my experience telling therapists about past abuse can be... a bad idea#Like for me it's bc i now get on okay with my parents. So they can assume I'm making it up or exaggerating and that hurts more than not#Saying anything at all. Bc they haven't been given the full picture. My last therapist was cool but this was when my dad was going to#Sessions with me and she had to be civil with him to get him to keep going. Which made me feel like she wasn't on my side and believed him#When he said it was my fault and he was having a reasonable reaction to stress or whatever.
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