#I haven't had time to read in weeks
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No one told me that once I started writing my own fanfic and drawing my own fanart I wouldn't have any more time to read fanfic myself and I deeply resent that.
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Sorry, we can't move them
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#star trek#star trek tos#leonard mccoy#jim kirk#spock#bones mccoy#captain kirk#star trek aos#the empath#among other episodes#lions#bones won this time#does anyone read the tags down here#it has been a shitty shitty week#my mom had a near-fatal heart attack#she is recovering but there's nothing like your parents waiting 13 hours until you've finished teaching for the day#to tell you that your mom went to the hospital and coded three times on the table before being revived#just in case you wondered why i haven't been around for a week#my brain was and is just. screaming. lots of brainscream#are tags on a mcspirk post the healthiest place to mention this? probably not#hug your loved ones who like hugs ok
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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there is truly a Daffy for every occasion. i've been obsessing over Oklahoma! for the past week and wouldn't you know it, the duck already beat me to the punch. but technically i beat me to the duck beating me to the punch since i was the one who saved this panel months ago with the caption of "Daffy is a fan of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma". turns out it is i who is a fan of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma. i am a fan of Daffy as fan of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma
i am also a fan of this. and i hope you are too.
#sorry i'm procrastinating and making cryptically amusing posts and by that i mean i find this very specifically amusing and to anyone else#it reads as concerning confusing babble at best#i like Daffy.#lt#i haven't even really been like formally obsessing consciously because i HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE FILM it was on TCM and we didnt finish it#and ive been watching it on my own in bits this past week since i havent had time to sit down and watch#it'smoreso been 'every day i wake up with a new song from it stuck in my head and spend the whole day with it stuck in my head to a degree#of agony'#i also sang some songs from it in a sing and dance camp when i was a kid and so it's been fun/weird hearing songs i havent heard in over a#decade waking me up like a sleeper agent#Shirley Jones is adorable in itttttttttttttttttttttttt AND THE COLOR AND FILM DESIGN UGHHHHHH EYE CANDY!!! THE COLORS#i'm totally influenced by having readThe Noble Approach as i'm so color and value conscious now but man ughghghghgghghgh i love that big#colorful midcentury Technicolor of... films. my words running away from me#anyway fun musical
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so. successfully defended my master's. I have some a bunch of revisions to do for my written thesis before I officially have a master's, but I'm very nearly done with it.
I'll be doing research over the summer, but it's not nearly as fast-paced as normal semesters are, and this was a semester in turbo mode. And boy I certainly felt it. I should have a week or so before this semester is officially over, then I'll be able to finish up my thesis and have more time/energy for writing.
I know I've said that updates would be slower than normal this academic year (this semester, especially) and y'all have been very patient with me, so thanks so much. I've still got another draft/revisions to go, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get back to normal Hannah writing mode because I miss averaging 500-1000 words a day lmao
#hannah's rambles#every time I think of fanfic writers who take much longer between updates than I do I'm always like#“I will wait as long as needed!! I will be excited with them! And even if they don't update again I'm so glad to have read their works!”#and when it comes to me im like “hm haven't updated main wip in almost a month I might as well have gone missing” JDLKFGJFDLKGJDF#I've had a REALLY tough semester but there have been so many things keeping me going#And among many others.. getting to share my stories with y'all for this long has been an absolute joy#thanks for coming along on this journey with me (so far)!! whether you've only been here a few weeks or since the beginning
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guess what ! doodles . again
edgar , nny and devi belong to johnen vasquez (even if i only drew nny and devi at the bottom)
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#vargas zarla#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#zarla s#doodles#scriabin#okee dokee ! time to ramble about my life . you can skip the rest of this if you don't want to read .#started these one day before my first day of school and i just finished them today WOAH#i haven't had time to draw for one reason or another#i've had only two weeks of school and i'm already sick of it#my teachers are okay .#i've been interacting with my friends a lot more lately and i realized that that makes me feel really happy !#overall . everything's been fine these days.#i pretty much gave up on trying to find people with my interests#los fans irl de jthm son puro invento de los papás#what else hmm#i struggled so much with some of these#my art style is still inconsistent af#trying to fix that ...#also halfway through this i realized that everything i was drawing was SO BORINg#i keep drawing the same stuff over and over again#whatever i want to draw some crossovers next#i have some things on mind :3 i'm exciteeeed#hopefully i'm able to draw them tomorrow .#DAMN it's already 3am good night
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"Ai, living has no answer."
"When we're in pain, we search for an answer to feel better. A concise, absolute answer. But if you really want an answer… it's that there is no answer. There are no absolute in this world. Even if we think there is, in the end, it'll only make us feel better for a moment.
If there are no absolute, then what's left?
Bonds. Bonds between individuals. Bonds between one another. That's all there is.
That also changes with time. A huge trigger can cause a huge change. Bonds may be severed. But new bonds can also be formed. So living is a series of bonds.
That's what life is.
I have to do that forever?
Yes.
That's a lot of work.
Yeah.
I'd need to be so strong.
That's why people become stronger. That occasionally leads to conflicts. But even if that happens, we have to keep fighting. Keep searching for bonds, even if there's no answer.
You can't rush living."
So I saw on MyFigureCollection that October 13 was maybe possibly Yusaku's birthday, although I couldn't find any reliable source for this. I'd have loved to do something nice and light-hearted for the occasion, but I'm still feeling too strongly about it all. So here you are instead: Happy (maybe) Birthday, Yusaku! Please have some trauma to go with your trauma. Here's to another year of fending off expectations and looking for your own life and its non-answers with eyes wide open and always filled with hope.
#yu gi oh#vrains#vrains spoilers#SPOILERS#how do you tag so it really really doesn't show too obviously because seriously I'd feel horrible for completely spoiling#but I still wanted to share it because I KEEP CRYING#i told my *therapist* about it and we had almost a whole session about bonds and what they mean in terms of support and pressure#I also posted the quote on Facebook last week for my birthday with no explanation and completely out of context#and it was so amazing to have people compliment me on it and ask if they could reuse it#those were the same people who told me that anime would make my brain rot 20 years ago so that's nice turntable and all#i really want to write something heartfelt about it but i'm just rambling and honestly the quote is self-sufficient#i guess i'll just have to find a way to get it tattooed somewhere on my back now because it feels like the only way for me to recover#“I get it now; if you have bonds no one will forget you.” “I won't forget you.”#Vrains quote#VRAINS FEELS#i can't wait for more post-canon in Duel Links#maybe beginning of 2025 if i calculated correctly?#hoping for Akira Zaizen and his Tindangle deck that I'll be happy to destroy with my Revolver deck#and i also have kilowords upon kilowords to write about EVERYTHING but i still need a bit more time#okay that's too many tags i'm done gonna cry a Nile and a half now bye#edit HEY I FIGURED OUT THE “READ MORE” THING I feel less afraid of spoiling now but seriously if you haven't watched Vrains yet stop readin
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i fear i am gonna have to take a break from tumblr
#life is too busy#i haven't had quality time to myself in like 2 weeks already lmfao#im alr behind on schoolwork too sooo i gotta fix that#if the next time you see me is all the way in november or december um .#well. yeah!#sorry i really wanted to finish ikwtl and get real chapters of everything else out#but thats not possible rn#take care every1 !!!#see u soon (hopefully)#but i may pop in occasionally and try to read ppl's works
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Trying to Tread Water: Chapter Thirty
The Elizabeth/Darcy Marriage of Convenience fic no one asked for
Chapter Thirty: Elizabeth's first ball in town - and the first official dance she is attending as Mrs Darcy - has arrived. As have the Darcy family's collection of jewellery, which Mr Darcy sent for. Of course, despite that their marriage was made to secure her safety, his love for Elizabeth means he wants none but her to wear them. They stay close to each other during the ball, and he cannot keep his eyes off her. Especially when they dance.
Read on Ao3 here
First reviews of Chapter Thirty: "Honestly when I get the email this story has updated I get very excited and it’s a proper treat! I made a coffee and sat down to read it as soon as possible." "Loved this update! Oh man the vibes during that dance were just perfect." "I'm literally so unreasonably happy that they had a nice night out😭😭 grinning in public like a lunatic rn..." "I really loved the ball in its entirety, honestly. The descriptions of the room and atmosphere, and especially the last dance, all speaks to your writing prowess. 12/10, would recommend." "This story is my absolute favorite notification and I seriously enjoy reading it so much! The characters, the world building, just so incredibly well done!"
Story updates on Ao3 fortnightly, with Chapter Thirty-One coming out on the 17th May.
Story tags: Elizabeth/Darcy, Marriage of Convenience, Unrequited Love, Not Really Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Pining, Pining Despite Being Married, Mr Darcy thinks his worst enemy is Wickham but maybe it's himself.
#'oh but Tara' you might say#'why are you only posting this on tumblr the day before the next chapter comes out'#IT IS BECAUSE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEN#I'VE BEEN ABLE TO CONVINCE THE TODDLERS TO HAVE THEIR NAP AND I HAVEN'T HAD OTHER DUTIES TO DO#i queue most things on my blog but not this because i like to put in some comments#which i always feel so thankful for and also i'm someone who is swayed to read things because friends tell me good things about it#and taking a few quotes from the comments is the closest i can get to that#and so here we are#posting to tumblr late#at the whims of two two-year olds and my share of the housework#and the former have not been generous to my writing this week#ten days without being able to write a word#BUT HERE I AM#RISING FROM THE ASHES OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION#SO YOU STILL GET YOUR FORTNIGHTLY LIZZY AND DARCY PINING#THE TUMBLR POST MAY BE LATE BUT NEVER THE AO3 UPDATE#pride and prejudice#jane austen#elizabeth bennet#fitzwilliam darcy#elizabeth x darcy#darcy x elizabeth#mr darcy#writing#ao3 writer#fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic writing#archive of our own#ao3
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Ok, back to girlblogging eheh (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
#wren text tag#like I said I got busy with my finals and I still have to take 2 exams in a week or so#and I know I could have been online in the time being#sadly I got ill and had to take antibiotics for the third time since the beginning of this year 😂 didn't feel like being silly#or drawing stuff in general sorry 🙏 mostly I tried to get better#there's no way I will have to postpone those finals#very funny how this month I wasn't online all the things happend#final chapter of StS: ND is out and oh boy#they announced a new Lady Oscar anime and * Oh Boy *#also a new Magic Knight Rayearth might drop in some time (oh boy but we will see)#oh yes I think Lore Olympus should finish soon bc I remember reading the announcement some time ago#and Roll20 got hacked again I'm 😐😐😐 can you please stop getting hacked I don't want my email full of spam again 😊💖#btw I haven't read the latest chapter of ND yet. I think I will wait until it gets published in italian (hopefully 🙏🙏🙏)#tho that doesn't mean that the second I logged in I saw 300 posts abt it 🤨 lol I cannot escape spoilers I guess#but IDK guys... I've seen some reviews and I had a “is this a jojo reference” kind of moment that I cannot explain#well I have the vague feeling of knowing how to explain it but also I will wait until I've actually * read * it#yeah now I will go to check my inbox byeeee 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#I never get tagged in anything but for reasons I was? Obv when I was in my sickly victorian child era and I couldn't do anything for it#Wren arriving late to the party once again lmfao 😂
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'Trapped in the end!' said Sam bitterly, his anger rising again above weariness and despair. 'Gnats in a net. May the curse of Faramir bite that Gollum and bite him quick!' 'That would not help us now,' said Frodo.
Sword in hand Sam went after him. For the moment he had forgotten everything else but the red fury in his brain and the desire to kill Gollum. But before he could overtake him, Gollum was gone. Then as the dark hole stood before him and the stench came out to meet him, like a clap of thunder the thought of Frodo and the monster smote upon Sam's mind.
Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey – for vengeance. If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world, pursuing, until he had him at last: Gollum. Then Gollum would die in a corner. But that was not what he had set out to do. It would not be worth while to leave his master for that. It would not bring him back. Nothing would.
Sam and vengeance in today's entry
#idk i have Thoughts about this... rambles ahead...#there's an interesting arc here with how sam approaches his feelings of vengeance in this entry#starting with the first quote. frodo's response to sam is so brief and doesn't get much time to sit with all the action going on#but i feel like it speaks volumes#at least in showcasing the different points they stand on#sam centers his resentment and feelings of revenge... he's quick to get frustrated and immediately goes for threatening gollum#meanwhile frodo is focused on getting out. he doesn't have time to nurse anger nor does he want to#it feels like he's advising sam to move past it because he knows it's futile to stay stuck in those feelings#then there's sam's fight with gollum#after days and weeks of building tension from his mistrust towards gollum... this is where the dam finally breaks#sam's been feeding into his resentment for SO LONG it's no wonder he gets into this state of blind fury towards the end#he set himself up to seek vengeance the moment he gets the opportunity#which in some way i'm sure does help him in fending off gollum... that strength had to come from somewhere#but once he's staved him off he continues to fixate that anger on gollum and forgets what he originally set out to do-- protect frodo#and then we're left with the final quote...#it isn't until sam has (perceived to have) lost everything that he is able to come to the conclusion that vengeance won't serve him#...a lesson learned a little too late?? maybe?? no?? it feels cruel to say that#i definitely do not want to take the position that sam was responsible for what happened to frodo#he was pinned in a horribly desperate situation and couldn't do much once gollum attacked#i don't think much would've changed if he hadn't had his moment of fury with chasing gollum#anyways newbie here-- i haven't read anything ahead from here so idk what character arcs await sam#but i'm interested to see if this is later built upon or acknowledged#end of rambles skdfjgkdjsfg#lotr newsletter#lotr newsletter march 13th#EDIT: I forgot to space the quotes out 😭#not a crime but they can get confusing to read when scrunched together hrnnnn
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sawyer was sick over the weekend so we got some blood tests done and it turns out she is diabetic, she stayed at the vet a couple of nights, it was really strange to be alone in my room those nights. i spend more time with her than anybody. then we were supposed to pick her up thursday morning and they said to come in the evening instead because her glucose was v low. the vet asked me to find a glucose sensor to bring with me that evening, it was a public holiday so i had to find a pharmacy that was actually open. when we went to get her we waited 90 minutes and the sensor was being weird so they said come back later. finally brought her back home at 11pm and the sensor still wasn't working, had to go buy another sensor and bring her back this morning to switch them out, had to leave her there for a few hours so they could switch them and make sure the new one worked, then come back in the afternoon. i've had like no sleep at all this week, its a miracle i kept my eyes open to get training to give her insulin. she's so much better since she came home, even though she's not stabilised yet she very clearly feels heaps better ❤ it was such a relief to have her sleeping on my bed again last night. i was still up all night because i felt like i needed to keep an eye on her because i didn't have the monitor. we'll be in and out a lot over the next couple of weeks while they fine tune her dosage and monitor her levels.
#i want to know when i get a break#had planed to use this week to catch up on the prof development course i enrolled in months ago that started the day before nonna passed#i hoped it would be a chance to really apply my mind to something because i feel like my brain is utterly degenerated#after the time i took off this week for this i won't be able to do any of it before it closes i'll just have to download the modules#and read them in my own time without doing any activities/participating in discussions#have to keep canceling my dental check up because things keep coming up#i've also spent the last few weeks trying to link my online tax account to my government services account but it says all my info is wrong#no matter what i give them#what do i need to do#my life updates are so miserable. i delete so many of the posts i start because they just depress me#i deleted two earlier this week#feel like i need to get something out so i keep coming back to try#i still haven't asked hr about whether we have that counselling service thing because i keep forgetting bc i always have so much to catch u#on#i'll try to remember to do it next week#tp
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.
#i hate school so much.#i'm so tired. and i have so much reading to do.#and none of my professors have followed even the most basic of my accessibility requirements re the readings.#so it's taking me hours and hours to do even one of them.#and then i don't have the time or energy to do anything fun.#i just.#i got myself a game like a week ago and i haven't even opened it.#and it makes me want to cry because like. i want to play it so much.#but i don't have time.#i get back from school at 4 and then sit and desperately try to claw my way through my readings until like. 1am.#and even if i had time i am too tired to read for long enough to learn the rules of the game.#i hate how stupid college makes me feel.
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Magenta kinda?
#this heat wave has been a blessing and curse#it hit 110 earlier#my neck of the woods is used to peaking at 105 and nothing higher than that#this shit is unheard of for several days straight#right now its 93 and this past week ive had no physical pain cause of fibromyalgia nor flare ups#i haven't felt this in a long long time#this feels like heaven i can fucking move and be active without feeling so limited or bed bound#but the heat and humidity have given me bad headaches and heat exhaustion is legit#I'm keeping hydrated staying shaded and not overdoing things physically#but fucking a it feels like a dragon is snoring right in front of my face#the power company killed the grids earlier cause of fire precaution it took like 4 hrs to get it back on#and I'm marinated in sweat rn#if the headaches could go away I'd be dandy af even though i feel gross#magenta#magenta is my vent word#not magenta but some other pink variant#trying to write but its too hot for brain#been reading and crocheting in the meantime while getting over headaches#i need to live somewhere where the winters arent horrible and the summers are hot but not excruciating#i need a personal terranium#thats what i need#hope everyone is doing good and staying safe if youre in a heat wave too
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Slightly Belated October Reading Wrap-Up 🎃
October was an iffy month. I read 5 books, but DNF'd another 3. I'm getting to the end of my 2023 TBR list, so I'm realizing I put off a lot of these books because I'm secretly not interested in them lol.
Read:
Jack of Kinrowan - Charles de Lint
The Hero and the Crown - Robin McKinley
Hummingbird Salamander - Jeff Vandermeer
The Starlit Wood - edited by Dominik Parisien and Navah Wolfe
Turn the Other Chick - Esther Friesner
DNF'd:
The Canterbury Tales - Geoffrey Chaucer
Discount Armageddon - Seanan McGuire
The Kingdoms - Natasha Pulley
Currently Reading (as of the end of October):
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - Douglas Adams (DNF'd on Nov 2nd)
#apologies for the delay it's been a busy week#luckily i haven't had time to take down the halloween decorations yet#october reads#october reading wrap-up#book stacks#booklr#books
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