#I haven't even gotten past episode one LMAO

[vereilian]

Murder Drones OC.

SERIAL DESIGNATION Z.

Credit for the picrew: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/2047846

[everythingne]

KINTSUGI - AKIN TO A PRIDE VERSE - MV1

When brought to panic by ruthless reporters, Reina snaps and hits a reporter out of instinct. In desperation, Hana flies Max to London help her daughter out of a depressive episode caused by Reina thinking that she's more like her father than she ever wants to be. And Max realizes some things about who you call family.

warnings: reporters grabbing reina, mentioned rumors of domestic abuse, mentions of child abuse and past/current broken metacarpal (hand) bones (wow look at me being sciency?), many assumptions about max's childhood, reina has a whole break down, reminder this isn’t a romance series, also btw I changed reina's age to make her 20 (legit go back and look LOL) and that totally isn't something for silly foreshadowing purposes no no, my comeback after going to college LMAO

I'M FUCKING SCREWED. I'm so fucking screwed. I can feel the anxiety coursing through my arms as I stand there, my teammates off to my side as we try and fight through the media pen. We weren't even supposed to be here but Ollie Bearman had decided he was bored and dragged me and Kimi Antonelli along to see some other drivers by wandering along the pit lane. We were all pretty civil with one another, save for one or two weird rivalries here or there, so we were quick to amass a group that eventually Trident broke up when they needed Richard back.

And then media had shown up, and we'd gotten quickly swarmed with no real way out.

Luckily, Kimi had called someone from the paddock to come get us and help us out so as we slowly pushed through the crowd as politely as possible, someone was actively coming to us.

And then I had gotten split off.

"Ollie!" I shouted, trying to grab his attention, but my voice is lost among those of the reporters who chase after him. How theres so many reporters here, I have no idea. It's not normal. And then again, nothing about this season really was normal because of the whole siblings thing.

"Miss Matsumoto!" someone shouts and a camera is shoved in my face, I try to keep a calm composure, nodding sharply in greeting as I try to continue through the crowd, "How are you feeling about your race tonight?"

"I think I'll be alright," I nod, pulling the rim of my hat down a bit further, "My team has grown a bit with Max's personal trainer giving us some tips for my physical training and it's been really interesting seeing how just changing my diet and training has made drive different."

"How is your relationship with Max?" Someone else shouts and a smile happily crosses my face, okay, I can do this. Just keep talking and just keep pushing forward. Do what Max taught you.

"He's been incredible, a lot kinder than people give him credit for." I make sure to point that out as I walk. A few more questions about Max are tossed my way, what exactly he's been teaching me (how to train for Formula One specifically, different ways to keep my brain sharp, physical training adjustments, how to cope with the drastic difference between F2 and F1, which both Logan and Oscar had already told me about), if I've met Kelly and Penelope (I have, Penelope adores me for some reason), who I've met in Red Bull (Daniel, Max, Christian, Geri, a few engineers, some other drivers who now raced for other teams, and such.)

And then someone asks something that makes my stomach crawl, "Can you tell us why we haven't seen your father in the paddock this season even though his racing company is one of your main sponsors?"

"It's only the third race. I'm sure we'll see him in Sakura." I smile, trying to keep my voice level, but the reporters have found something to latch onto. I took too long to respond.

"How is your relationship with him been impacted since moving in with your mother?"

"The timezones make it hard to speak, but he is still my father, so," I shrug, trying now a bit more desperately to shove through the crowd. They're not letting me go. I can hear Kimi telling someone to move, his voice is sharp and annoyed, but the reporter doesn't listen.

"Is it true your father abused you?"

"What?" I gape, but reporters flash cameras and shove over each other to get to me. My reaction fuels them.

"Is Project Matsumoto a real thing, or just a mimic of Project Verstappen?"

I can't even recover from the last question as I gasp out, "I'm sorry?" I don't even know what they're referencing.

"Did Red Bull pick you to be Max's sibling due to your similar childhoods?"

I can't get words out now, the berating is on, and all I can do is try and back away. I can see Ollie waving a hand, trying to beckon me through the crowd, and now FIA officials are coming to move the reporters away. It's a mess of shoving and screaming, people in my face as they repeat themselves until their voices pitch to shouts and screams. I can't move through because any step I take is immediately countered by a shift in the tide of cameras and voices, blocking my path.

"Was your fathers attitude is Sakhir last year reflective of your childhood with him?" "How did your parents divorce effect your racing career?" "Is it hard to be living away from your Japanese roots?" "Why did your mother accuse your father of emotional and physical domestic abuse when they divorced?"

A reporter steps forward and grabs me and I rip back from him. Ollie's shoving a reporter to the side, trying to grab me before he's closed off by the ocean of people around me.

"Is the rumor of your fathers mistreatment of you true?" The man asks again, trying to grab me and I stumble back in a panic. My hat is pulled off by him instead, and I just let it go as I bring my arms to my stomach and wrap around myself.

"Please! Everyone, wait--!" I cry out, the obvious panic in my tone making my skin flame with embarrassment.

"Answer the question!" The same man shouts, shoving a reporter aside as raising his hand with his microphone. All I see is the raising of a fist in the shadow of my father, and my brain reacts before I can really think about what I'm about to do.

Crack!

I gasp as soon as I make the connection. It's hard. Max's training paying off well. Ollie's infront of me, grabbing my wrists and gently pulling me to the side until he can get me out of the crowd. Prema's around me in seconds, closing me off as I stare at my hands and feel the blood seeping across my knuckles.

I'm so screwed.

They get me into the paddock, voices over my head and slipping through my ears. I'm sat in my drivers room, Ollie and Kimi being peeled from my sides to go off and get ready for the race. I can't hear, can't think, a constant ringing ruining any conscious thought. My knuckle is split. My ring finger. I stare as one of the medics begins to clean up the wound.

Not even the sting can pull me from the thoughts racing through my head.

I hit someone. Struck a man out of fear. He had grabbed me, knocked my hat off, I had every reason to hit him. Yet, I had hit someone. I could hear my father's voice ringing in the back of my head, warnings of inheritance and passing down genetics I had shaken off to make myself feel better.

I was not my father. Never would be my father. I was so sure of that. Until today.

When the medic lets go of my hand and sets it on my lap, I feel fear strike my bones. And when René comes to get me, my silence is terrifying to everyone. I stand silent, straight faced, not even cracking a smile. The cameras watch me twice as much, I react a thousand times less.

Max is sitting on his bed, Penelope happily napping on his chest as he watches the pre-race bullshit for Reina. He had off today, oddly enough, and Kelly had gone out to do some sort of PR management event which left him to watch little Penelope. No problem at all.

The pre-race is what he's expecting, he can see Ollie dragging Reina and Kimi around and amassing a small group of F2 drivers outside of Trident. He laughs when Kimi hoists Reina into his arms, loudly announcing her by her nickname of Little Lion and making the rest of the boys cheer. What he isn't expecting is when they break up from the rest of the drivers to return to their paddock. Ollie's leading Kimi and Reina back when they get cut off by a mass of reporters. F2 hadn't been prepared for their usual amount of media to almost multiply by ten, and apparently it had been causing all sorts of issues.

Like this.

The questions are easy enough. He feels a weird swell of pride when he notices how easily Reina answers the reporters compared to before he'd started teaching her some media techniques.

And then the questions shift.

He can see Reina's panic after the first question, actually he sees it as soon as the word 'father' is brought up. He sits up a bit, gently readjusting Penelope as he turns the TV a bit louder. The camera swings away for a moment to show Ollie and Kimi pause when they realize Reina's not there, and their quick turn around before the camera swaps to show Reina.

She looks horrified. Max feels a burn in his chest as he sits up and leans forward, almost willing Ollie through the crowd. He can see multiple Prema people attempting to shove through, but every attempt is in vain. Nothing is working. It's a Sisyphean task.

Then the reporter tries to grab Reina and Max has to hold himself back from getting up and shouting at the TV. Not that it's gonna change anything. Reina steps back, and her eyes are darting around, trying to find a weak spot to escape. She can't, Max realizes, as the reporters close in.

The next thing he sees is her arm jut forward, a loud crack sounding over the speakers. His jaw drops, the sight of Reina hitting someone so foreign to him. Silence falls over the crowd as Ollie grabs her and pulls her away, someone else shouting for her to come on as Prema swarms her in a protective bubble. The feed cuts there and leaves Max on a cliff hanger for thirty minutes until they are just about to start the race. The anthem is playing. But, the Reina he sees on the screen is not his Reina.

She's silent, stone faced, frozen still and almost robotic. She moves soft as a dancer, but her gaze is sharper than an ice skaters blades. She wins, sure, but he can't get her haunted look out of his brain. She carries it even through her podium, not even able to smile when she hoists the trophy above her head.

The call from Hana the next day is expected. The invite to their flat in London is not.

"She just needs someone who understands what she's going through." Hana had pleaded on the phone, "I know it's wrong of me to say it, but you were treated a very similar way when you first got into F1 and especially when you started winning. You had a similar past, you both have similar struggles. She needs your help, Max.”

Max had wanted to suggest a therapist, a psychiatrist even, but he knew Reina would rather throw herself in front of a Le Mans car, probably the Porsche 936, than talk about her problems. Which left the question of if she would even talk to him.

But he tells Christian and Geri what's happening for a second opinion, and he is told he should go.

So he's on a flight to London three hours later, about a weeks worth of clothing packed haphazardly. He thinks he forgot a toothbrush and aftershave, but he doesn't care to check. After careful conversation, Hana had agreed to let him get a hotel close by, so he could give Reina space. Hana had been so certain Reina needed him, but Max wasn't even sure if Hana had tried to reach out to her daughter herself. Apparently Reina wasn't eating, doing her training, or even the sim. She had been in bed except for when she was forced out, and luckily there was a bit longer break than usual, it gave Max time.

He gets to the flat around eleven in the morning, twirling the keys of his rental car in his hand. He tells Hana he's coming inside and she gives him the code to the lobby and to the flat. The second one isn't needed, the woman is waiting for him in the hall.

“Thank you so much for coming out here.” Hana sighs when she sees Max and he’s shocked to see the usually classy woman in such a disheveled state, he gives her a hug in greeting but allows her to ramble through it.

“I’m sorry that I’m such a mess, I just—Reina hasn’t done this in so long it’s genuinely frightening to see it again.” Hana wipes her face, sniffling as she shakes her hands to sort of shake it off, “I’ve been trying to get her to do anything and she just won’t, she’s usually twice as active after a race, not sedimentary! I don’t know what to do—“

Max cuts off her rambling with a soft, “Hey, relax. You’ve done all you can. You go and take care of yourself, I’ll talk to Reina.”

It must be what Hana needs to hear (it’s something he’d been told by his mom when comforting Victoria growing up) because Hana barrels into his chest in a hug, thanking him probably thirty times in a row before stepping back and letting him in.

The apartment is gorgeous, Max can’t lie. It’s got big windows and tons of natural lighting, bright bold colors in decorations he’s sure Reina picked out. Which, he guesses, makes sense, because it will become her apartment soon. Hana points him in the direction of Reina’s room, but seems so genuinely distraught she can’t go near.

And this is where he’s stepping off the dock.

He hesitates to knock, but does eventually. It’s soft enough he’s sure Reina won’t hear it, but then he hears the most broken, teary and bitter, “what?” from the other side of the door.

“It’s Max.” He presses his hand to the handle, eyes staring through the wood as he leans in to the door itself, almost as if trying to see Reina through it, “can I come in?”

There’s a long enough pause he thinks she’ll say no. But theres a soft, "okay."

He pushes the door open to the darkness of Reina's room. One Himalayan salt lamp is on in the corner, providing a slightly warm glow to the room. The blinds are drawn tight, blackout curtains hastily thrown over them, and Reina's head is the only part of her body that's visible under her mass of blankets. Her room isn't quite messy, just cluttered with partially empty water bottles and a plate of cold breakfast. He remembers this. The shutting yourself off part of this all, of being raised like they had. Or, the lack thereof.

"Mornin'." He says simply, walking over to sit on the edge of her bed. Reina blinks a few times, like she can't even believe Max is there, and slowly sits up.

"Why are you here?" Her voice is groggy but not in the sense of just waking up, it sounds more like shes been sobbing for hours. A claim backed up by the redness of her swollen eyes and sniffly nose.

"Your mom called." He doesn't sugarcoat, never has, "I saw the punch. What did the FIA give you for that?"

“Five second penalty. Kimi was behind by six. Didn’t matter.” She grumbled, looking over at him from where she’s bundled up. She looks miserable, and though Max knows he’s started to crack through to get her to talk, he needs to keep trying.

“Did they fix your brakes?” Max asks and Reina nods, then sits up and sighs.

“I know you didn't fly all the way from Monaco to London for small talk. What’s wrong?” She asks, scrubbing at her red cheeks as she crosses her legs and grabs a large plush Hello Kitty and buries her face in it.

“Your mom said you’re not handling it well,” Max hums, leaning back on his hand and looking over at Reina as she curls a little bit tighter around her plushie.

“I hit someone.” She whines, “I hit him.”

“He grabbed you.” Max says, looking over at Reina and letting out a tiny non-committal hum, “the reason the FIA gave you such a little punishment is because it’s self defense.”

“But Max, I hit him.” Reina emphasized and Max blinked. What the fuck was she getting at here? His confusion must be all over his face because she shifts slightly closer and he can see where she'd split one of her knuckles open. Hana hold told him the finger was technically broken, but Reina refused to wear her brace on it. Something about having already worn one in the past. Not that Max would know. But when Reina goes to ball her hand into a fist, he notes her pinkie and ring finger don't close. Daniel's injury rings in his mind for a second, but he shoves the thought away as Reina continues to repeat herself, more broken, more panicked.

“Reina," Max attempts to soothe her, scooting a a bit closer to place a hand on hers, hiding the injury from her sight, "what are you getting at here?"

"I..." She stammers, eyes darting around his face, and then she huffs out a question he's not expecting, "Are you afraid of being like your father?"

Max blinks. The silence encompassing the room for a long while before he sighs out a soft, "Yeah, terrified."

"Me too." Reina nods, flexing her hand again. Max watches the way her eyes dart down to her injury and he realizes she's trying to cue him in. It's like a puzzle, and he has to put together the pieces to get the picture. She doesn't say anything next, leaving Max to figure it out himself, so he just watches Reina.

She's fidgety, fingers tapping along her injured hand, but he notes she keeps poking her pinkie. She'd injured her right ring finger, not the pinkie, so he's not sure what she's trying to do. She's not concerned over her current injury, but the past one. His eyes trail along her clothing, her mothers old NASCAR jersey, the rest of her hidden under mass amounts of fuzzy blankets. Her hair is braided back, greasy, and knotted, her skin is dull but still clear save for one or two pimples in her hairline. She wasn't taking care of herself, he could see that, it was a classic depressive episode.

Max meets her eyes and sees shes trying to pick him apart too.

But why? What did she need to know? Max was pretty open with her, he'd told her more than he told most people. Geri had encouraged it, hell she'd even asked if she could tell Hana some stuff from when he first got to Red Bull. The first time he'd snapped at Christian, expecting to be shouted back at, but was shocked at his calm tone. The first Christmas, when he had no one to go to, and Christian invited him to their home and though Max was slightly out of place he'd stolen the attention of the kids in a heartbeat. That was the day he'd become almost like a fifth kid to the Horners. Geri had asked if he was comfortable talking about his childhood with Hana, and he had, though it was a difficult conversation. She'd asked wonderful questions about healing and growing up and moving on, asked how much moving to Monaco and being on his own at eighteen had helped. Being on his own was freeing, he'd said that much, and though he kept some parts out he knew Hana could piece it together.

Hold on.

Max had snapped because he thought Christian would be like Jos when he'd failed to overtake on a turn.

Max hadn't had anywhere to go that Christmas because it was the first time he was celebrating without any family in the same home.

Max became an unofficial Horner because his own familial issues.

Max had moved to Monaco to get away from his father.

Reina was afraid to be like her father.

Reina was always looking to Max for validation, even with how short they had known each other.

Reina's injury, from what little Max knew, was caused after she had crashed out of a race--in heer drivers room. The last time she'd seen her dad after she'd left their house in Fukushima.

Shit.

"Reina." Max starts, not sure if he even knows how to approach this. He'd been the messy one, the one to snap, the one to shout, the one to lash out. It was evident of an 'avoidant attachment style' from his childhood or whatever the hell that meant, therapists always confused him with technicalities. Max wasn't gentle, he wasn't soft like this, he was hard edges and half-broken promises. How does one avoid their own sharp edges when trying to handle something so soft? How can Max be sure he won't break Reina?

"What happened to your pinkie?" He asks, gently prodding the knuckle with his own. Reina meets his eyes. He can't find her in her own gaze.

"Boxer's fracture." She murmurs, "Like Daniel's."

"I know that, but how did it happen?" He pushes and when Reina freezes up, he whispers, "Listen, it's just us right now. I'm gonna keep you safe, yeah? Like a real brother would."

Max had enough experience protecting Victoria.

"My dad." Reina starts, then swallows and closes her eyes. She leans forward, seeking out Max, and he moves so she can rest her head on his shoulder, staring down at her hands covered by his, "Last year, when I crashed out towards the end of the season. I was living with my mom by then, so I never really saw him. I didn't even know he was at the race. I got to my drivers room and we got in an argument. My mom tried to split us up and he slapped her so hard she fell over. I pushed him to get him to leave her alone and..."

Reina struggles to find the words and whatever she had gone through is a thousand times worse than Max could've ever expected.

"He grabbed me by the wrist, I grabbed a door to get away and he slammed it on my hand. Broke my metacarpal in two places, I needed surgery, so I never finished the season. Finished thirteenth."

Max is still. So still he's not even sure he's still breathing. Reina sniffles, and Max feels her tears hit the back of his hand.

"You don't wanna wear the brace because it takes you back." He says and Reina just lets out a soft hum. He doesn't know what to do. So, he does what Geri had done the few times she'd had to comfort him. One arm around her shoulders, the other on her head, and he pulls her taught to his chest to cradle her there.

The sob she lets out shatters his heart and he tries to pull her impossibly closer. They're flush to one another, theres no more space to close, but he still tries as Reina breaks and shatters in his hands like fine china. He attempts to piece her back together but there's not enough of him intact to repair her. Max, for his benefit, has dealt with Penelope's tired melt downs and so he gives Reina a waterbottle and wipes her tears, lays her down admist her blankets and tucks her in tightly. He sits on the floor by her face, running his fingers through her hair as best he can, gently running his thumb along her shoulder.

He can tell shes not just crying because she'd hit someone, but theres more to it. And an hour or so later, when the tears subside, she finally opens her heart to him.

"I hate my dad." She whispers after maybe five minutes of silence, no longer broken by her sniffles.

"I do too." Hate his dad? Hate hers? He's not sure. But he stands up to open her curtains and blinds, hands itching to do something rather than just sit silent. The noon sun warms the room almost instantly, and Reina lifts her head to shift into the sun. He turns and speaks as he bends down to pick up a stray bottle, "Why do you hate him?"

"Just... everything he put me and my mom through." Reina sighs, "There's a lot he did I can never forgive him for."

"What did he do?" Max sits down again and Reina reaches out to his hand, which he obliges, and she pokes at his fingers.

"When I was growing up, I started karting in Japan with my father. He wanted me to race rally cars since I was born, even with his obvious disappointment I wasn’t a son. I competed for the first time on my fifth birthday, and won. I got scouted that day and my dad completely changed. It went from a little hobby I could have to a future career, especially when my mother learned she was infertile after my birth." Reina speaks monotonously, eyes distant as she recalls, and though Max has read up on her past he knows he's getting a new raw look at her life.

"My dad finally got me in rally when I was ten, a year before the divorce. I did it for three years. The worst three years of my life." Reina shifts so she's laying on her back, looking up at the ceiling and avoiding Max's eyes, "everything that my father had just simply said became physical. Every single time I made a mistake, I was hit. Every time I talked back, ignored him, walked away, did anything he deemed to be incorrect, I was hit. Sometimes just a whack to the back of my head in annoyance, most of the time closed fists. The only thing I was allowed to do was race, extracurriculars, and school. And that includes sleeping, eating, showering, and such."

"On my thirteenth birthday, my mom came to visit us in Japan for a race I had in Fukushima. I finished second because of some dirty play and my dad was so angry at the company for not catching that, he took it out on me completely. My mom and her boyfriend at the time saw the entire thing, a huge fight broke out, the cops got called, it was a whole thing.

"My mom sued my dad for only my custody, no payment, nothing. And he dug his own hole, the court found out he was spending all the money my mom sent for me on himself, I had saved years of evidence... my mom ended up getting full custody without a challenge, and a payment that amounted to all her payments of child support and then two years worth of payments of my fathers child support in advance. That all happened around the time I switched to Formula racing. The entire time I've been racing Formula I've been living with my mom and my dad has been sending child support."

"When he got... aggressive with you, was it always physical?" Max hums and Reina shakes her head. Max slowly starts to undo one of the braids to redo it, trying to ignore the greasy feeling on his hands, and she leans into his touch so much he has to pause as he feels her face rest against his arm.

"No, it was just shouting until I got into rally and then every once and a while he’d hit me. And the most he did before I got into rally was slap me once when I was like, six? But it was mostly just him ignoring me or screaming at me, or making me race to exhaustion." Reina sighs as she then rolls to curl up against his side and Max adjusts so that he's half laying down with Reina curled up on his chest. It's similar to the way he'd gotten the youngest Horner kids to sleep when he'd visit or babysit over the years.

"My father is one of the worst people on the planet," Reina stares out the window. Max hums non-committedly, moving a little bit closer as Reina speaks in the most dead tone he's ever heard as she says, "and I have always been his favorite punching bag."

"I was my father's favorite too." Max admits and Reina nods.

"What was he like?"

"Just a lot more manipulative and way less physical. A lot of it was just him ignoring me, leaving me places, shouting at me, pressuring me. A lot of manipulation when I'd call him out on it." Max hums, finding the braid he'd half undone to fully pull it out. Reina grabs a brush off her nightstand and hands it to him so he can start to brush out her hair. It's weirdly remnant of Victoria and Penelope. Reina hums and as Max brushes out her hair, he feels the way her body relaxes.

“So did you pick me or did Red Bull?” Reina asks maybe five minutes later and Max hums, fingers finding loops of her hair to slowly braid it again. Practically hearing Geri’s voice instructing him on how to braid because it was ‘something good to know for Penelope.’ He was glad he had listened to her. It was a good thing to know.

“They told me I was gonna train you, then told me I was gonna train Ollie.” Max hums, “Ollie’s great but… I dunno. I just knew I should mentor you. Call it divine intervention but I knew.”

“Im glad you chose me.” Reina murmurs against the fabric of his hoodie and he realizes how odd this moment is. He’d packed up in thirty minutes, gotten on a two hour flight, and spent an hour coaxing his mentees trauma out so he can help her. He could’ve just said he was busy, and yet he’d already given so much of his heart to Hana and Reina he knew he couldn’t just abandon them. Reina needed him just as much as he needed her.

"I'm glad I did too. And... listen, Rei, you hitting this guy because he scared you doesn't make you an abuser." Max watches as Reina picks her head up, resting her chin on his sternum to watch him, "and Reina, you being afraid of being like your father tells me you will never be."

"But I just... I hit someone like he hit me and it was just an echo. He always told me I would grow up to be like him." Reina closes her eyes and Max takes a hand to cup her face, running his thumb along her wet undereyes.

"But you hit out of fear, not out of anger or with the intention of abusing someone, thats the thing that will never make you like him."

Reina nods, and Max knows it'll probably take him the whole week to convince her of that. But, as Reina lays her head back down with a soft thank you, he feels like he's done enough. Only twenty four hours ago he had Penelope sleeping on his chest. Now Reina’s in the same spot, her hand reaching out to cup the setting sun with her injured hand.

“Kintsugi.” She says softly, then sits up. Max watches her, head tilting as she moves to her closet and swings the door open. Grabbing a stool, she clambers up to the top shelf and starts rustling around. From his vantage point on the bed, Max can see deep scars running the inside of her leg and wonders briefly where they’re from before Reina settled back in front of him on the couch. She sees him looking and swallows, digging something out of a box from her closet.

“Also from my dad.” She says, eyes flickering up, “same day my mom was in Fukushima.”

“Ah.” Max nods, and lets Reina continue to rustle. He wants to ask questions, but he’s curious as to what she’s doing. She sets down her brace and a thing of gold paint and hands a brush to him.

“What is this?”

“Okay. It’s kinda stupid because this is no where close to what you’re supposed to do, but hear me out,” Reina raises her hands in defense. Max let’s her have the floor, he’s not gonna judge her.

“Kintsugi, it’s a Japanese art of repairing broken pottery or dishes or whatever with urushi lacquer mixed with powered gold or whatever and I don’t have lacquer and this isn’t technically broken but!” Reina pauses her rambling, chews her lip, and looks away from Max and to the window, “When I had my first hand brace, my Jiji—my grandmother, she painted it with this beautiful gold design. She told me it was my kintsugi. That I was broken, and that she was mending me. And… she’s always been my biggest support. Besides my mom, Jiji sacrificed so much for me, almost all her salary went to helping me get into F4 because my dad stopped helping me pay for racing until he started sponsoring me last year. And… Kintsugi is our thing. If she breaks anything she waits for me to fix it.”

There’s something hanging here, something so vulnerable, so Max asks with plenty of pause to show his trepidation, “Why did you give me the brush, then? Where’s Jiji?”

“In Washington.” Reina hums, “And… you… you’re a really big supporter to me. And you mean a lot to me, Max. I’ve only known you for half a year now but… you’ve helped me with a lot. And you sacrifice a lot for me. You flew all the way here to help me because my Mom asked. And don’t think Christian didn’t tell me about you trying to anonymously sponsor me.”

Max laughs softly, “Guilty as charged.”

“I want you to paint something on it. Anything. I have a—“ Reina starts to dig again, “a gold marker too. I do this all the time with things I break—like my phone cases or my hair ties. This is a whole bin of knockoff Kintsugi.”

She hands Max the marker and then rolls off to the side to curl back into her blankets, but rests her head on his thigh. Max sits and stares at the brace in his hand, rolling it around in his grasp as he thinks of what to write. There’s about a thousand things that ring through his head, and none he can settle on.

And then he gets an idea.

While Reina watches him focus, the golden light of the sun haloing him, she wonders briefly if she’s found her own form of Kintsugi in him. Sure they weren’t perfect, and both deeply troubled in their own right, traumas rooted deep within them, but they had each other and that was what they needed.

And Max knew he found Kintsugi in Reina.

Reina sits up when Max hands her the brace back, making an odd face when she sees its written in Dutch.

“laat u niet definiëren door uw naam. Do not be defined by your name.” Max says simply, and Reina looks up at him and tears prick in her eyes immediately. When Max helps her put it on, he adds a bit more gold flare to the boring black brace and smiles.

“Now you can wear it, yeah?” he says, and Reina leans up to wrap her arms taught around him. He laughs softly and hugs her back, letting her bury her face in the side of his neck.

If she sobs, he doesn’t comment, just lets her lay there until she’s run dry.

A week later, Max is unpacking in Monaco when he notices something new in his bag. He finds a small little keychain, a little blue ribbon tied to a clasp he knows he can snag on his keys. It’s in Japanese, but the note attached makes him smile a little watery smile.

‘Max,

Thank you. That’s all I can say. For everything you were supposed to help me with, and everything you chose to do on your own. I hope I can return the favor.

Reina.

ps. it says ‘do not be defined by your name.’ just like my brace,’

The keychain hangs off the zipper of his work jacket instead. And if anyone asks—and Yuki is the first to ask the meaning since he knows what it actually says, he simply smiles and says it’s a gift. No other explanation needed.

Except for when Geri asks, and he tells her the whole story, and then Christian ‘yells’ at him for making Geri cry.

reinamatsumoto made a new post!

liked by gerihorner, logansargeant, maxverstappen, and 458k others...

reinamatsumoto: [come back soon, big brother]!!

viewing translation from japanese

tagged: maxverstappen

misshanatanaka: [so sweet! glad having him by helped sweetheart!!]

user1: CAPTOIN HAS ME IN FUCKING TEARS

user2: MAX IS HER BROTHER !!!!!!

logansargeant: did our sushi date meaning NOTHING.

⤷ reinamatsumoto: GOD YOU WANT A POST FOR FUCKING SUSHI??

⤷ logansargeant: YES?

⤷ oscarpiastri: please rei he's pouting.

⤷ reinamatsumoto: fine. anything for my favorite white boys.

⤷ user6: my favorite prema survivors <3

user3: CRYING OVER HER CALLING MAX HER BROTHER. OH. IM SO NOT WELL.

user4: so are we gonna talk ab her punching a reporter? bc shes hot for that.

oscarpiastri: PERONI??? FOUL.

gerihorner: so so so cute!!!!!

⤷ reinamatsumoto: thanks mom!!!

⤷ maxverstappen: thanks mom

user5: logan crying in the comments is so real

yukitsunoda: [max is a big softie!]

⤷ reinamatsumoto: [I KNOW !!!]

taglist (thank you for your support!!)

@vellicora @justsomejess @struggling-with-delia

[bi-hop]

my thoughts on rgu ep 2

and we're back to watching rgu! my thoughts so far can be found here.

it's funny and cute how those girls fawn over utena. no further thoughts, I just enjoy when that happens in yuri

I was so fucking worried that Wakaba wouldn't want to talk to Utena anymore after All That. I think Utena did the duel for a good reason but it's not like Wakaba asked her to. but nope, that wasn't the point of all that. it's okay, girl, you're better than Saionji's abusive ass anyway

... is the student council a doomsday cult?

you'd think for a group trying to 'bring revolution to the world' or whatever, they'd be more comfortable with a chaos agent added to their game LMAOOO anyway I'm pretending I understand what the fuck is going on with the letters but I don't <3

current working theory: End of the World is a supernatural force guiding them to achieve ends on the material plane. source? I have none. do not tell me what's going on or I will scream at the top of my lungs and embarrass us all

I had the feeling Anthy would be in the dorm but her writing her name underneath Utena's because her placement was an afterthought is... cute... kinda heartwrenching...

also is Anthy meant to look like a housewife? they're really hammering home the patriarchal nature of engagement and marriage here, and we haven't even gotten to another duel

speaking of their situation... while Anthy being like "you dress like a boy because you like to and I do the role as a Rose Bride because I like to" is an interesting conversation to have, I don't know if I believe it. I'm not claiming Utena's reasoning for dressing the way she does is false, I just also don't think it's the full story considering how she was also inspired to dress a certain way by a figure in her past. As for Anthy though, I do think it's false. I think she certainly believes what she's saying but the idea that she just naturally enjoys being subservient (cooking, cleaning) and being an object (more on that later) does not seem organic or 'true' to her.

my girlfriend wants a Chu-Chu plushie... ruh roh

okay back to the duels. I was already thinking she'd object to further duels because the one she partook in was exclusively for the benefit of Wakaba and she has no interest in the power plays over the Rose Bride. she doesn't even know about what they're fighting for, right? so why would she care

god, Saionji is such an abusive ex. I mean, obviously, but wow. I do think the situation is worsened by the fact that the duels confer a sense of ownership over Anthy, but the entitlement... the way he feels like she's betrayed him when he's the one who lost while also having THE ADVANTAGE? rotating him calling her shameless... Saionji-senpai vs Utena-sama... hm

I honestly didn't really notice the castle at the top of the sky when I was watching episode 1, so now the dialogue about entering it makes sense lmao

Utena claiming not to care about Anthy's situation but then immediately getting into the Sword of Dios rite and subconsciously moving to protect the rose even at the potential risk to her... yeah okay. Even Saionji calls her out on it lmao

final thoughts on the way Anthy is rendered an object to be possessed and owned but the way Saionji literally talks about her and the Sword of Dios in the same breath as 'glory' rather than, you know, Anthy being a person he cares for says it all. Her worth is only in the sense of possessing the power of Dios (whatever that means)

... is the prince Dios??? is he dead? what the fuck.

.... is Dios End of the World?!??!!? I'm so confused

Next episode is a ball episode and I'm excited for that one. I love balls, I love intrigue, I love messes.

This episode was good though, even if the pace felt different than the first episode. I think my central interest so far in the series is unraveling the mystery of what the fuck is going on at this school (the student council being powerful enough to make kids vanish is so funny btw), but I'm also deeply invested in Anthy. her passivity in the face of everything is alarming and I just want to understand it. how much of it is facade? how much of it is genuine conditioning? I want to know!!!

[nine-of-diamonds]

A List of References in Keep Your Enemies Close (Wait, Not That Close)

Since it’s somehow been a year since I posted KYEC (to the warmest reception I’ve ever gotten from a fic!! Seriously y’all are the best—I can’t believe I’m still getting comments a year after publication), I compiled a complete (as far as I can remember, at least) list of all of the references (with a few explanations about my writing choices) within the fic for funsies (and also bc I put Way Too Much effort into melding all of these elements together and wanted a full list of all the things I put together that were not intended to be put together lmao)

Oh, and if it wasn’t obvious… spoilers for the fic lol — if you haven't read it but are interested in what the heck I'm talking about, it's here on ao3!

(I’m just calling every segment separated by a line break a scene even though some of them aren’t reallyyy an actual scene for the sake of clarity)

Scene 1:

One line in and I’ve already name-dropped the Watchers: not much to say about them at this point since it’s pretty much the usual “godly beings that resemble indigo biblically-accurate angels that watch people.” All I really added here was the threads of Fate mention that’ll become relevant later

Scene 3:

Grian-proof vault: this one’s a double reference! The obvious one is from Season 9 (Grian’s ep 10) where Mumbo challenges Grian to get into his vault without breaking blocks and it turns out to be a decoy vault, but the second one is from Season 6 (Grian ep 100), where Grian, Bdubs, and Iskall (as the Dragon Bros) break into Mumbo’s vault to induct him into the cult club by guessing the code to be 1-2-3-4 (the “I didn’t plan for someone to come in and start jamming codes in” and KYEC!Grian’s response, “It was the second thing I tried” are reworded from their follow-up convo about it in the next episode)

KYEC!Grian’s stolen diamonds: okay I’m pretty sure this Season 6 arc started in Grian’s ep 73, where he mentions for the first time that his diamonds have “mysteriously gone missing” — KYEC!Grian’s got the same problem, only most of his diamonds are accidentally stolen and are causing more problems than economic deficits lol → we’ll get to the completion of this arc wayyy later, but this was the very first plot point to fall into place for this fic

Detective Grian: going even farther back into Season 6, we have the Sherlock Grian arc (begins in Grian’s ep 56) — once again, we’ll get back to this one

Fun fact: the moment where KYEC!Grian’s “skin prickled with the distinct sensation that someone was watching, waiting for him to do something” was meant to be foreshadowing that would become obvious at the end bc I originally planned to have KYEC!Grian’s time traveling be onscreen — that scene was meant to show Future Grian traveling to the past to steal his diamonds, but getting the timing slightly off so he was still in the apartment when this convo takes place, and is therefore the mysterious watcher mentioned here; I didn’t end up writing out that scene, though so now it just looks like another surface level Watcher reference

Scene 4:

KYEC!Grian’s powers: the wings don’t require explanation but here’s my rationale for the “perspective-shifting” (which, lemme tell you was cool in theory but SO annoying to figure out what to call/describe) → it’s basically just being able to go into F5 mode (the range limit for him is basically that he can move what I’ll call his mental camera to any point provided that at all times, his body is visible to the mental camera from some angle, i.e. he can’t see into the next room if there are no doors/windows but he can see around corners and objects); this power’s another Watcher parallel but also a contrast to Scar’s in that it’s good for revealing “the truth” while Scar’s power is deceptive in nature

Scene 5:

Hotguy!: fun fact, I actually started writing this fic before I knew about Scar’s Hotguy persona (I was grievously behind on Season 9 when I started this fic in mid 2022) so KYEC!Scar’s original hero name was Goodfellow and he used a staff, not a bow — but obviously, I swapped it to fit the Hotguy we all know and love (and for the sake of keeping track of episode references, I’m naming Scar’s Season 9 ep 5 as the first Hotguy mention in canon, don’t @ me if I’m wrong lol)

KYEC!Scar’s powers: alright, here’s a lil secret, there’s actually smth going on with his bow that never gets brought up in this fic and that I will be keeping secret bc I may or may have smth in the works. I can, however, talk about his illusions! While KYEC!Grian’s power lets him change how he sees things, KYEC!Scar’s lets him change what other people see. The illusions are also a nod at Scar’s terraforming + building skills since he can create intricate landscapes 

Xelqua (as KYEC!Grian’s villain name): other ideas for KYEC!Grian’s villain name included Poultry Man + Watcher but I settled on Xelqua since it’s commonly associated with Watcher!Grian but feels more like a name than just plain Watcher, and then afterwards, I developed the actual Xelqua lore

Xelqua (the lore one): obviously we have the nod at our tried and tested fanon “he was only meant to watch” but the mention of him “engineer[ing] countless games… with gods and men alike” is a blink and you’ll miss it Life series reference (I suppose it could also be a reference any of Grian’s other minigames but the Life series was what I had in mind lol) → also, the whole “Ultimately, the Watchers located Xelqua after he succumbed to his nature and began stirring up trouble again” bit of lore was just me riffing off that fable about the frog and the scorpion, which traumatized me as a kid and therefore lives in my brain rent-free

Scene 6: 

Harmless pranks: rapidfire references, let’s go! “a bit of ‘misplaced copper’” = Mumbo’s copper “lagging” into Grian’s inventory (Grian Season 8 ep 13), “a few disappearing doors” = Grian being a chronic door thief (...pretty much all of Season 7), “a few chests filled with eggs” = Grian + his quest to clog up his messaging system with Mumbo (Grian Season 6 ep 22 + many, many more instances)

Scene 7:

Roofed forest: very, very random but I did write this scene with Scar’s first Third Life episode in the background and was imagining the roofed forest he and Grian decimated as the scene he projects here

Also, I need you to know this fight scene was fully rewritten at least four times ;-;

Scene 9:

Mumbo unlocking Grian’s handcuffs: this wasn’t a reference when I wrote the fic but now it’s a reference to the Mumbo side fic I wrote for this au that writes out this scene

Scene 11:

KYEC!Grian’s comment: “I was broke and in need of a flatmate so he could’ve been an arsonist for all I cared, as long as he didn’t touch my stuff” → can I just cite all of the Life series here

Okay, I SWEAR the line, “You watch, Mumbo, I’ll be so subtle that you’ll forget I’m a supervillain” was based on an actual Grian line (or several) that start the same way but I can’t remember where it’s from

Scene 13:

More stolen diamonds: here’s the unofficial start of the Jangler plot lol — the moment this fic’s foundation really “clicked” for me was when I noticed mysterious diamond thievery appeared in both the time travel arc and the Jangler arc, and I was like “I can work with that”

Jellie: I want you to know the staging of this scene was specifically so I could have a reversal of the “villain stroking a cat while scheming” trope where Scar is a) wanting to do a good deed not a villainous one and b) basically getting a plan fed to him

Scene 14:

Okay pretty much this scene’s basically the transcribed version of a scene from Grian’s Season 6 ep 56 lmao but ig I’ll just talk more about how I thought to include the Jangler plot in the first place; originally, the premise of this fic was adapted from an abandoned non-MCYT fic draft I had floating around in my WIP folder, where the two characters were university dormmates who were unknowingly also vigilante partners + there was a whole Miraculous Ladybug style love square going on (on second thought, I was basically just making MLB with vigilantes lmao). When I got the idea to adapt it to a Desert Duo-centric superhero trying to catch supervillain fic, I wanted to make it platonic since most of the superhero aus I’ve read for the pair are romantic and I wanted to do smth different — the problem was that getting rid of the romance also got rid of a lot of the tension between the characters, so I needed smth to replace it — hence the detective/Jangler dynamic being included to make sure both characters were actively hiding a secret from the other at all times

Scene 16: 

This is probably a little obvious on second read but I did leave a comment to myself on one of my draft docs pointing out that KYEC!Scar decided to continue going out as the Jangler (even though he’d already technically fulfilled the returning diamonds thing he’d invented the persona for) because he overheard Grian talking about how he’d prefer to have more to work on + would get money from it 

Scene 18:

Attempted murder: back on the Season 6 reference train we go! This is from Grian’s ep 12 where he pranks an AFK Jevin by putting him on a flying machine and the game glitches and sends Jevin falling to his death

Scene 20:

The foreshadowing here is very obvious but this scene was a last minute addition I did not plan to include but was compelled to write bc I needed something to lighten the mood a bit since it was getting too serious and also bc I wanted to include the “sweet job” pun. Yes, I know it’s terrible. Yes, I laugh at it every time.

Scene 21 + 22: 

Cookie trail: here’s another “mostly transcribed” scene from Grian’s Season 6 ep 57 — I ran into a little problem logistically since flying isn’t the norm in this world but is in Hermitcraft, so I had to shove in the whole “flying machine to reach the top of the cookie” thing lmao 

KYEC!Stress: she does not make an appearance but I gave her ice powers bc of her ice castle base in Season 6

Scene 24: 

This entire scene is just Desert Duo dancing around each other trying to keep their secret identities secret but KYEC!Scar’s comment, “I always forget what information’s public” is a bit of irony that made me laugh while writing bc it comes straight after he accidentally reveals he knows where the cookie was

Scene 25–28:

Hitman after KYEC!Grian: yep this goes back to Grian’s Season 6 ep 14 where Jevin puts out a hit on Grian after the AFK prank that Iskall tries to carry out 

Grian’s trap: this is obviously just the trap for Iskall that Grian makes to stop him but I would like you to know that I went back to the episode to count the number of pistons used to make sure it lined up lmao

Scene 28 is also basically just a very dramatic version of the chase scene in this episode with some Watcher paranoia for spice

Scene 30–31:

Time machine: time to circle all the way back around to this plot lol — I didn’t think it made sense for KYEC!Grian to build a time machine himself during all of this but he still gets access to one in the end thanks to Mumbo. Grian’s Season 6 ep 79 has him go back in time to stop his diamonds from being stolen, only to realize he’s the one who stole them in the first place, and I thought it was a fitting way to end the fic after all the diamond stealing shenanigans

And hey, that's it! That list totally didn't take me like two hours to write up and find the episodes for! No wonder I had to restructure this fic like seven times when writing it!

Anyway, if you read this far, thanks for indulging my madness :) And to anyone who's engaged with any of my fics, thank you thank you thank you for every hit, kudos, comment, and bookmark!

[bookinit02]

HI HELLO GOOD EVENING

I'm dead tired bc I got barely any sleep last night + braindead because I've spent the past several hours binging through your Stranger Things Byler retelling and I'm a bit out of words, HOWEVER. It finally clicked in my head that you have a tumblr and I, also having a tumblr, can use said tumblr to throw my appreciation upon you in a more direct manner.

On that note... the retelling is AMAZING and I love it so very very much!!! (I've also been leaving a whole stream of comments on the fic itself, so a lot of my feelings have already been described in detail there XD). It makes me feel so very many emotions, both good AND bad, and for a fic to trigger THAT MUCH of an emotional reaction in me is really an achievement. It's so beautifully sad and tender and joyous and realistic, and all the more painful for it—and all the more beautiful IN that pain. I haven't actually been a big active part of the Stranger Things Fandom (TM) for several years, but I still often return to Byler fics, sort of like a comfort blanket in story form—and yours are some of the BEST (I think it was also you that wrote one of my favorite ever painting scene fix-its; I'll have to go back and re-read that as well!!)

I started reading season 4 last night (which is in part to blame for my lack of sleep) and finished up the rest of it today. I'm so extremely excited for season 5 and to see what you've done with it—I already started reading the script for episode one and it looks amazing (god, I bet that Mike having a panic attack/Vecna episode hurts WAY more in prose)!!! I can't decide between reading all the script first, then reading the fic; or reading the script episodes and then reading the according fic chapters; or just barreling on ahead in the fic and coming back to the script if it strikes my fancy later (which is, if I'm being honest, the most likely outcome). All will have to wait til tomorrow, however, as I have dinner and a warm bed to get to. All the love to you and your fic!!

(Love how I said "I'm so braindead I've run out of words" and then proceeded to give evidence to the EXACT OPPOSITE claim. I'm really a bit like Mike lmao, even if I'm struggling to actually describe my specific emotions or feelings about something, I can run my mouth about any old thing for ages XD)

hi hello good morning!!! i have been watching ur comments come in with so much joy and happiness—hopefully i get time to respond to all of them within the next few days! i hope that you have gotten so much rest and that you are all refreshed for the next day🫂💗

thank you so much for all your kind words, in this ask and otherwise! the rewrite is really a labor of love that has been sustaining me for over a year now, and it is always so impressive and awe-worthy to me when new people discover it and start from the very beginning. that is SO much to read!! several novels worth!

as for the script, read it in whatever order you would like! my recommended order was originally to read the script first, then the fic chapters—but i know that some people want to experience the plot twists and developments as they happen, so really any way you decide to read it is completely fine! the byler scenes are all the same (with a bit extra in the fic), it’s really just the other characters and plot lines that are expanded.

thank you for “running your mouth,” as you’ve called it—but i prefer to think that we’re just chatting🥳 i really love interacting with people through both comments and asks, so feel free to do both (and to talk as long as you’d like)! i am super grateful and honored that you’ve chosen to read my story, and i hope that you enjoy what i have so far of season 5!!💗🫂

[civettea]

I think the last time I did one of these was probably like 5 years ago on deviantart sjhfgdjh. I got tagged by @meitantei-lavi

1. three ships: Oh man I get to embarrass myself immediately. Al-an/Robin has been floating in my brain for like a year and a half now so them ofc. Fusehound!! Because them!! And since I've gotten back into undertale recently I've been thinking about Soriel again sfhgjghjfh

2. first ship: FUNNY ENOUGH I think it was also pokemon, I used to watch whatever episodes were available online at the time when I was like 7 so I think rocketshipping was my first.

3. currently listening: Well right now Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club but I've listened to Rolling Girl a ridiculous amount in the past few days because the bass is pretty simple but REALLY fun to do >:O

4. last movie: Puss in boots the last wish oh god that movie is SO GOOD. The animation is phenomenal, the voice acting is amazing, and the story itself is very well done.

5. currently reading: So I'm ashamed to admit I haven't actually sat down and read an actual book in probably a solid year. All I've really read in the past year is stuff for class and a lot of different fanfics for a bunch of different things, including listening to the audiobook fr Blue Sky for the hundredth time. Actually!!! I think @meitantei-lavi's TLOW would actually count as a novel in this case so I think that's the only original novel Ive read recently sjghfgfd

6. currently watching: Most of the shows I watch now are things I manage to binge in a couple of days, so Sonic Prime and The Owl House are the most recent that Ive gone through on my own, though I've been watching so much sailor moon with @meitantei-lavi, plus chainsaw man

7. currently consuming: An everything bagel with wayy too much cream cheese and iced coffee.

8. currently craving: I have been thinking about fried pickles for months now and I still haven't gone and gotten any >:I

People I'd like to get to know better: How do people even have 9 friends on here?? Most of the people I follow are artists lmao, so I'll just tag @a-little-bisexual-moron & @ashflamethewaffleangel (I could've sworn I was following you) + anyone else who feels like doing this

[mamamittens]

I'm going to do an experiment with One Piece since I am having A BITCH of a time sitting and watching the anime. Despite my sheer enjoyment btw, even if it's weird to watch older animation after seeing only the new stuff for the past several years.

I've gotten the Shonen Jump app on my phone and I'm going to read the manga to see if I can beat my executive disfunction that way since sitting down to watch episodes is so damn difficult. (To say nothing of the dub sub debate and my extreme sensitivity to second hand embarrassment that's stopped me in my tracks several times in other shows... Still haven't gotten past the first 15 minutes in MHA cause of that 😬)

Almost wanted to get the physical copies but like... That's close to a grand just to get everything out so far. And... I have no idea where I'd put it lmao. 2 bucks a month and a phone app is way more manageable.

I'm still going to watch the anime but hopefully I can work through this weird inability to start new shows that's plagued me for years now. Shame I didn't get into One Piece in highschool. I burned through manga so fast back then lmao

[mydissociativediaries]

2/4/2023: TV Family

I've been watching Roseanne for the first time in ages, starting from the beginning. It's a great show, but it makes me sad, too. I'm not sure how long I can keep watching it.

It's funny, well-written, well-acted and enjoyable to watch, but watching it makes me think about all the "normal" family activities that I missed out on. I missed out on the fun of getting in trouble--in a normal teenage way, not in a "my parents screaming at me and spewing out abuse over something that I can't control" way--having ordinary fights with my sister, sneaking out, bonding with my parents, hanging out with other relatives and family friends, thinking about dating and experiencing family arguments but ultimately coming together in the end.

Roseanne's family has plenty of arguments, but ultimately, they're there for each other. The kids stop fighting when they really need to. Roseanne and Dan argue, but they get over it and spend time together again. They're still in love after all these years.

Watching Roseanne makes me jealous. I wish my parents loved each other like Roseanne and Dan do. I wish I grew up in a normal household, conflicts and all. I wish that I had a tight-knit family.

Oh wait, my parents and my POS sister are pretty tight-knit, lmao. My parents aren't that close to each other, but the three of them all get together for bonding time. Guess I'm the odd one out.

However, Roseanne makes me sad in another way. I haven't gotten to them yet, but I remember watching episodes in the past where Dan lost control and screamed at his wife and kids. I think he was close to being abusive. He never got to that point, but it could have happened if he went a liiiittle too far.

Dan reminds me of my dad, and not in a good way. I watch Dan being silly and goofy and teasing his kids and think "That's not the real him." Sometimes, he manages to keep it together when he's mad at Roseanne or his kids. I can even understand why he's pissed at times. But when he snaps, we get a glimpse of the male rage underneath the playfulness.

Yep...that's my dad. He acts nice and lovable when he's in Dad Mode, but I've seen the real him. I know who he is. Just like Dan.

There's getting into trouble in a silly teenage way, and then there's REALLY getting into trouble. My parents had conflicts with my POS sister when she was in high school. And she could be disrespectful, but I was always thinking--eh, it'll blow over. Teenagers are always like this. They'll be best friends when she's an adult.

And yup, I was right. That's exactly what happened. But that's not what happened with me.

Funnily enough, my dad even said once "We're lucky that we got the easy [teenager] at first so that we can ease into it." Like it was a GOOD thing that I was so withdrawn and never did anything. Like it was good that my life was so fucking empty. And my dad made smartass remarks about that, too. Which is it, pops? Do you want me to be the "easy one" or not?

I also thought it was funny when he said that because when was I the "easy" one? My sister was (and still is) an obnoxious, fussy little brat, but it wasn't anything that kids haven't pulled before. I was the autistic monster that made their lives a living hell.

Anyway, I know that Roseanne is fictional, but the actors played off each other so well. They really do seem like a loving family. From what I understand, they're also pretty tight in real life? Like they really are a family? And regardless, millions of people really did grow up in a (generally) happy, healthy household like that.

But not me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thanks for reading,

📺

[prolix-yuy]

LJ! For the ask game - FRANK (cos FRANKIE might be too many lmao) ❤️

Oh my god Cee you are really pulling out the stops here! But I could never deny you bestie!

F. What stories are you planning for the future?

Can I just put in a list of winky faces? No? Well, several more installments of I Think of You, including returning to canon with Episode 3! Then a few more SW!Frankie asks, including much more spicy fun and feels. Then I've had ideas brewing for several oneshot/short series I want to return to - The Plan has a few follow-up stories, and...because I know how much you love Jack...Cognitive Dissonance has a follow-up planned. Sooooooon.

R. If you had to rewrite one of your stories from scratch, which one would it be? What would you do to it?

Oh man, you've got me here because I've forced the mentality of "it's finished, stop fucking with it" on myself after years of writing so I try not to dwell on what I would change in past stories. I might tweak parts of Pero and his Guerrera's story to stretch out a little longer, if I was going to pick anything. Though knowing them, even after getting frisky they're still going to be at each other's throats so there's plenty of material still there!

A. If you could rec a piece of music to accompany one of your fics, what would you pick? Why?

I gave a couple for Frankie and Din already, but let's grab one for Dieter shall we?

Dirty Mind - 3OH!3

Honestly I love all of 30H!3's discography for Dieter because it's so "sad party boy wants to be loved" but this one in particular is so fun and filthy. I don't think Dieter would listen to any of it, but it gives me the right vibes.

N. Anything you were planning to write that never got written?

Cee, if you could see my idea folder...

There are several stories I'm excited to write but haven't gotten there yet. A couple Ezra stories that have interesting premises (Bodyguard and Carnie Ezra haunt me on the daily), a post-apocalyptic Frankie story that might find its way over to Joel if it works better, a fun Max Lord one that was basically You've Got Mail that I fixated on for a week. They might still come but other things have taken all the brain space for now.

K. Who have you killed this year? Why did they have to die? 

Have...have I killed anyone? I killed a couple troopers in Good Company. Some collateral damage in Whiskey, Dark and Deep. I had a lot of hosts get shot up in Cognitive Dissonance...

I think the implied deaths might be the most interesting. I've mentioned both the mother and father of our girl in I Think of You, but they've both been dead for a while before Din shows up. But they still have their influences, which we all appreciate. They didn't HAVE to die, but...it's Tatooine. Life isn't easy there unfortunately. But our girl holds them in her heart always.

Thank you for getting my brain working Cee! I adore you!

[taohs]

the soundtrack for snk DEFINITELY is crazy good, i think i only watched up to season 2 but i can back you already on it being such an amazing series! if anything i probably am caught up bc everytime an episode aired id basically watch the whole thing through my dash lmao! is the manga still continuing? or did it already finish im not sure.

demon slayyyerrr, i love that show! i cannot wait til season 3 for a new arc. the last one was crazyyy omg i fell madly in love for tengen so fast and i always love the openings!! + soundtrack none of it has missed.

hehe if i told you my top 3 youd probably find out who i am wayyy too quickly. But from ones that I can think of, Horimiya! I love a good shoujo and im pretty sure the anime was long anticipated since the manga is popular! Plus the op is such a classic at this point and it reminds me of kamisama kiss's op!

its always amazing to have an anime that means so much to you that you're able to watching it a gahzillion times and it never gets old so im so glad to hear you have an anime like that for you! Theres plenty like that for me too that ive been rewatching lately :3

more questions yay! whats your favorite season? favorite music genres? and favorite pass time activity like if youre bored or have some free time! - your animanga secret santa c:

if you ever decide to pick up snk again i would definitely recommend it!! it's definitely such an amazing story (but traumatizing) and many of the characters are so lovable! the manga has ended last year (i think), but i didn't read past where season 4 part 2 stopped because i want to save my reactions for the anime. i'm really looking forward to the last season and how mappa will adapt it. i have high expectations for it and i hope that it receives the same amount of care that csm has gotten!

omg yesss season 2 really made everyone fall in love with tengen akljflfd!!! ufotable went hard with the animations! i'm never ever disappointed when it comes to kny's adaptations. have you seen the latest trailer for season 3 yet? it looks really good already! finally time for mitsuri and muichirou to shine!! <3

oo i heard a lot about horimiya! i really like the artstyle from what i've seen of it. shoujo is actually a genre that i haven't ventured very far into, even though they have a lot of good series! kamisama kiss' opening is fantastic so i'll take your word for it that horimiya's op is also good 👀 would you say horimiya is one of your favorite shoujo?

hmm i would say my favorite season is spring and summer!!! i really love the warm weathers and i get to wear cute clothes > u < i also generally feel a lot happier during those seasons, but i still love winter and fall because i get to snuggle under blankets to keep warm :'D my music preference is really all over the place so i can't pin down what my favorite is HAHA but i enjoy listening to a variety of kpop, cpop, anime, love ballads and pop music  ♡ ♡ when i’m bored i usually like to watch TV, play games or make something in photoshop!!

[mintedwitcher]

Never worry about rambling lmao I absolutely love long responses, especially on things like this. My response is also going to be Long, I have a lot of thoughts about this show, and it's all finally starting to become cohesive in my head so, apologies in advance this is uh... big.

Just to be super clear upfront, I'm not Jewish, so really, my commentary about the antisemitic caricatures is definitely not the 'end all be all' of opinions here, it's just something that made me explicitly uncomfortable given the state of global politics right now, as well as everything I've learned about antisemitism in TV and film over the years, I felt that involving a very well-known and widely-criticised antisemitic stereotype - goblins and specifically eating babies - felt almost mocking. I would love to believe this was simply a faux pas on his part, but I find it extremely difficult to believe that not a single person on the writing/production staff looked at this script and went "Uh, maybe not the best timing..." because. Yeah. Uncomfortable.

To me, the whole special felt kind of... underwhelming, considering RTD's past work on this show particularly. As much as I understand the reasons why they had the goblin ship just... disappear, I have to say that it all just felt anticlimactic. It lowered the stakes. (Also, the religious imagery and implications were.... uncomfortable (that word comes to mind a LOT about this special, honestly.)) It didn't feel like the Doctor had championed against the injustices of the episode. It felt... like a game of make believe, and that is never a feeling I've gotten from Who before. Even with the YTNW, we still knew that there were real world consequences for the characters we cared about. Martha and her family lived with those memories, as did Jack and the Doctor. It felt grounded by the characters who survived it, and even if it was an 'easy fix' solution, it felt viable due to the existence of the paradox machine. There was no explanation or reasoning for the goblin ship evaporating. There wasn't a specific object or talisman or person keeping the ship tethered to this reality, none of the baby-stealing antics seemed to have any effect on the goblins themselves, so why did it just disappear? There's no explanation of it, and that weakens the scene, the climax, and the 'villains' in one fell swoop in my eyes.

Like I said in my post above, I feel like this plot - or a version of it - could've been done with just about any other alien or creature. Maybe a returning one, like the Cybermen, who in series 10 were actively pursuing children to convert because smaller minds and bodies were easier. Or a new alien race, something we haven't seen before. I've always appreciated RTD's ability to make the universe of DW look huge and expansive and varied without overcomplicating things, and this could've been a brilliant time to showcase that talent, but he chose not to, and I can't help but feel disappointed by that.

The musical number really just is a personal gripe for me, I've never really been a fan of non-musical shows/films/etc throwing in random musical numbers for no reason. (I would argue that the Master performing I Can't Decide isn't a musical number, because it's just him taunting the Doctor with a song playing. Yes he sings along, but that is something ordinary people do, and we don't typically call that a musical number in any other kind of show/movie. Hey Mickey and Rasputin were also just the Master mocking the Doctor. The Toymaker, however, is a good example of a proper musical number, very theatrical, out of place, and not something you would see ordinarily.)

I think the issue about the parallels for me is how it was framed. We didn't learn about Ruby organically, it came from a TV interview. Which, yes, is a very fast and effective way to introduce her, but I found it a little... shovey. Like RTD was standing there shouting at us "THIS IS RUBY, SHE'S LIKE THE DOCTOR, LOOK HOW MUCH LIKE THE DOCTOR SHE IS!!!" I don't really know if there is a better way that it could've been framed, but exposition-heavy bits have never really been something I enjoy. (It's a large part of why I didn't enjoy Thirteen's run very much, because it felt like every episode there was a lull where the Doctor just stood there and delivered like ten minutes of straight exposition while her companions just sort of stood around and asked the same three questions on a loop ("But why?" "But how?" "What for?") Effective, yes. Engaging? Not really.)

Personally, I like the Timeless Child arc. I think it's interesting, and it provides plenty of new niches for the Doctor to explore as the series continues, because up until that point it seemed that we'd learned all there was about the Doctor. They're from Gallifrey, they're a Time Lord, they were a member of the Prydonian chapter and had their privileges revoked for stealing a TARDIS, they can regenerate thirteen times, etc. There is so much about the Doctor that we've learned over the years, so to learn that they had something more before that? It adds intrigue. It reintroduces the mystery of the Doctor. (Also I think a lot of people forget that the Doctor is biologically Gallifreyan, they were put through a Chameleon Arch, and no one ever said that a CA can only turn someone human, that was just assumed because it was the only usage we'd seen of it on screen before that, but that's not the point.) We're never going to learn the Doctor's "true" name, because the name we know is the name they chose, and that's all we need to know (hello trans allegories my beloved), so really all we can learn now is what species they were before the Time Lords abused them. It's something new and interesting and I genuinely think that it should've been explored further. Thirteen barely had time to process it, and then Fourteen was around for like, two days and didn't have time to process it. I'm hoping that Fifteen will dig further into it, because that's an avenue I would genuinely enjoy exploring.

Backtracking a moment, because I went way off topic: I think the Doctor's reaction to the goblins is fine, but something is just not sitting right with me about the Doctor not being more urgent about saving a baby. Considering that the Doctor has an affinity for children and cannot stand by when a child is hurt or scared or crying, this reaction in that moment, just felt off to me. I don't really like that he had to be reminded that there's a literal child in very real danger. It just didn't feel right to me.

The other thing that didn't feel right is how he never tried to talk to them. The Doctor always tries, at least once, to give his enemies - or even just the antagonists - a chance to change their minds and retreat before escalating, and Fifteen... didn't. There isn't even an attempt made at it. The most actual interaction we get between the Doctor and the "villains" of this episode interacting is him joining in with their song. That's basically it, until he pulls their ship out of the sky. He doesn't talk, he doesn't negotiate, he doesn't even try and find out where they're from or how they got to earth or how they're managing to stay hidden from humanity. The Valiant is a UNIT ship, you'd think they'd notice a giant floating pirate ship over the UK?

I am desperately hoping that Fifteen is going to play a more parental/adult/mentor role with Ruby, because if we have to go through a fourth iteration of "the companion is in love with the Doctor" I think I might go mad. We don't need a romance angle for their relationship, and I genuinely, desperately hope that this is not going to become Rose 2.0, but I'm not holding my breath about it.

All of that being said, there are parts of the special that I did genuinely enjoy. The energy between the Doctor and Ruby is brilliant, I like how they play off each other. I like that Fifteen is much more direct than his past counterparts have been. I like that he finds joy in something as seemingly simple as rope, and the concept of rope having its own language. I liked Ruby's family, and that they're supportive of her wanting to find out about her birth parents. And I do like how Ruby and the Doctor parallel each other, especially in an episode themed around coincidences, I just wish that the explanation/reveal of that had been more gradual. I like the character dynamics, and the way that the core cast interact with each other. I just think that the high points of the episode were soured by the implications of the writing choices that were made. (I do also just feel a little........... weird knowing that Ruby is canonically one year older than my youngest sister, but that's not the point of any of this, it just feels weird going from companions in their mid-twenties/early-thirties, suddenly back to a teenager, which is something we haven't had to deal with since Rose.)

Wow okay, I'm gonna stop now. I think I covered everything you mentioned? I might've missed some points, not sure. But yeah. This episode is... definitely something. Just maybe not for me, and that's fine.

Still thinking about the upcoming Christmas special and how it really puts fans in a shitty position. On the one hand, it reeks of antisemitism with the involvement of goblin pirates singing about eating babies. On the other hand, if the special flops, they will 100% pin the blame on having a black queer Doctor and use it as "proof" as to why they need to stick to the status quo of having white cishet men play the Doctor, just like they did to Jodie.

I don't want to sit through a Christmas episode featuring blood libel, but I also don't want the first Black queer Doctor to fall flat because of bad writing choices.

(I also really don't like how seemingly the entire fandom is just... ignoring the antisemitism because the song is "boppy" like??? That's... uncomfortable.)

[the-indie-owl]

Favorite SpongeBob ships?

Oh boy, I have a lot of ships in the show (some of which are divorced ships or semi-canon ships of the Bikini Bottomites) but I'll just start off with the Main Ones that I ship.

SpongeBobXSandy - Probably one of the Main Ships in both the Show and the Fandom. The Two have a lot of perfect chemistry together and they even have such adorable moments, the two protect each other and even enjoy a lot of fun. They're also very helpful of each other since they're close friends and all, and I like how Sandy is the Badass Girl while SpongeBob's usually the "Goofy Nice Guy". Felt a bit disappointed that their past of how they met was retconned since the Third Movie only for the Spin-Offs like "Kamp Koral" and it was also kinda funny that ship was roasted in one episode of a wedding flashback (Truth or Square).

I sometimes think that SpongeBob has a crush on Her, rather or not it'd be a question, yet, they still support each other.

PatrickXMindy - I'm pretty sure everyone shipped them since the first movie in their own childhoods (including mine). Gotta admit, I always find Patrick's crush on her adorable since they are opposites attract and it's one of those "Royal Heir X Peasant" tropes. It was nice to see that Mindy did had a cameo in the Birthday special. Oh, and I guess Patrick does have a type for Girls; Mermaids (which was hinted in Legends of the Bikini Bottom).

Sherm said that Mindy is 14 and that he assumes that SpongeBob and Patrick are like kids (which makes Me believe that he doesn't know their ages which is why he thinks Mindy is young) maybe SpongeBob and Patrick are somewhat Older Adolescents too since No One really knows much about the Characters' Canon Ages (The Writers would never really know about their true ages based on how old they are).

Personally, in my POV/Headcanon, I see Patrick 17, SpongeBob 18 (based on some theories about his age), and even Sandy 19. (But in most of my AUs, Mindy is 19-21 while Patrick is 22 in some of my AUs, mostly from my Human AU.)

SquidwardXSquilvia - It was nice to see that Squidward finally had a love interest of his own (but sadly, much like Mindy, Squilvia is just a one appearance character even though Mindy did at least came back at the show one time). I felt bad for Squidward being so lonely all the time he couldn't find someone like him who he could love. Personally, I think Squilvia has the same interests that Squidward has, if she could find a Man like Him, then Squidward would find a Woman like Her.

Gotta love on how SpongeBob instantly ships them together since Squidward is honestly the Tsundere type who has feelings for Squilvia. I can see Squilvia having sympathy for Squidward on how rough his life was as she could relate to the same way as him. I think these two would have been perfect as Husband and Wife 💙

Hoping for Squilvia, she might make another appearance in the Modern Episodes.

NeptuneXAmphitrite - Surprise to see that I would instantly brought up Neptune's ship since he's one of my favorite characters? Lmao, thought so 🤭

I know that we barley see them together, especially in "The Clash of Triton" and even though it's unknown on what happened to Amphitrite and Triton in the First Movie, I'd like to think that Neptune and his Wife were separated once.

Even though we haven't gotten a backstory about them, I headcanon that in Ancient Times, they didn't mind at first but when they got to know each other, their romance blossomed into love (but Amphitrite was already in a relationship with Poseidon as Neptune technically stole his Greek Counterpart's Girl and won her heart in a fight).

In their Teen Years, I see that their relationship would be pretty similar to Bambi and Faline from "Bambi" (imagine Neptune and Amphitrite's love scene with the song, "I Bring You A Song"/"Looking for Romance" in the background lol)

I guess Amphitrite was chosen to be Neptune's Queen so they can produce an Heir to the Throne but their feelings do matter for each other since hey, Amphitrite respects her Husband a lot.

So yeah, that's about it. I ain't going to feature all of the other ships in cuz that would take a lot of exhausting work to explain a lot. But these that I picked out are my Number One ships in the Show.

[lantur]

I got back home to Derek and Westin on Tuesday night, after spending about a week at my parents' in California. It was a tough visit. I'm glad to be home, in my safe place where I feel most comfortable and secure, with my husband and my cat, who support me so much.

I was telling Derek yesterday that I can't wait for 2022 to be over. This has been the hardest year of my life. In April, Derek had to go to the hospital due to recurrent episodes of supraventricular tachycarditis, which turned out to be a complication of undiagnosed thyroiditis. April was also an extremely busy month at work, and my mom visited for two weeks, which can be stressful.

May was relatively calm. Halfway through June, almost two months ago, my dad was diagnosed with extensive-stage small cell lung cancer. Since then, it's been a lot of stress. I spent June 18 - July 4 with my parents in California, and flew back to California again from August 3 - August 9. I call my parents twice a day to talk to them when I'm not there.

I've kept on top of working both of my jobs. I've kept up with friends, which has been a valuable source of comfort, joy, and support. I spend as much time with Derek and Westin as I can, which brings me joy.

I'm just. I'm exhausted. There have been a lot of complicated issues and emotions around my dad's diagnosis and the choices he's made around his treatment plan that I haven't gotten into here because I don't have the energy to type it out. I've been seeing my therapist weekly. But I'm at a point where I'm needing to be honest with myself and say I don't think I have the strength or energy to fly halfway across the country to visit my parents every month. They're aware of that now too, even though they would prefer to see me every month.

The past two months have been hell. I think I'm at a point now, now that I'm recovered from the shock of my dad's diagnosis and through a part of the grief journey, and now that I'm not depressed, that I need to focus on taking care of myself again. Doing the things that bring me joy - my yoga videos every morning, swimming, walks with Derek in the neighborhood, drinking my homemade iced tea, cooking, sitting out on the patio and reading and eating fruit, watching The West Wing, spending weekends writing, spending time with the people who lift the weight off my shoulders.

The truth is that I would not wish this reality, of a parent's diagnosis with an aggressive cancer, with a poor long-term prognosis, with seeing your parent struggle with chemo, on my worst enemy. But this is my life now, and I need to make the best of it and not let it crush me.

Sometimes I think that I'm only 29, just 3 months from 30. I'm too young for this. My mom was 34 when her dad died from complications of Parkinson's disease and she felt she was young to bear that loss. My father-in-law and mother-in-law are in their 60s and their parents are still alive, in their 90s. My mother's mother lived until her 90s; my mom was 65 when my grandmother passed.

I have a lot of trauma I'm still working through from my mom's life-threatening illness and lengthy hospitalization in 2009 when I was 16. I know this journey with my dad has been and will be traumatic - but I have the support, and the skills to take care of myself and protect myself to some extent, now, that I didn't have 14 years ago.

I'm looking at this long post and shaking my head at myself. I'm definitely due for my therapy appointment tomorrow, lmao. I had to miss a week since I didn't see my therapist while I was in California. One hundred gold stars for anyone who read this far.

Some good things:

I got my work done today. I went for a swim. I cleaned the house. I chatted with my friend. I sat on the patio after dinner and read an amazing book and ate watermelon with lime juice with Derek beside me. Life is hard, but I'm still really grateful for the things I do have. My husband, my cat, my friends, my safe home, my work.

[omegasmileyface]

HEY ITS ME although I am obviously super invested in Astro Boy I still want to ask questions out of evil intent. So I wanna know !! What are your favourite versions of Bem and Atlas ?? Which adaptation do you think handled their characters best / most interestingly ?

>:3c

hmm... the only versions of Bem i can think of are the 60s one and the 2001 one (though i do see a bit of em in tima metropolis) and i actually haven't seen the 2001 movie hehe ,, so i don't think i can pass judgement here BUT. 60s bem is perhaps my favorite astro boy character Period, and the 2001 version would have a hard (but not impossible) time beating the original with regards to their weird alien magic, their apathy in response to catastrophe, their grace in self-sacrifice, whatever the FUCK they were doing with gender, and their relationship to atom. ough. i want to find a method to save them at the last minute and then adopt them and let them enjoy human hobbies forever. here have this bem i doodled last night

[ID: a cartoony red pencil doodle of Bem from Astro Boy. Their humanoid part (a robot which looks like a preteen human, with hair shaped like bird wings) is floating casually above their non-humanoid part (a box like a minifridge), wearing a chef's outfit and giving a peace sign. End ID.]

now what would you do if i said 50s atlas. huh ?

[ID: a picture from a black and white manga panel. It shows a robot who looks like a teenage boy. He's not wearing clothes, and the tube of his torso extends down past his pelvis and works as a rocket propeller, giving him the look of a torpedo with limbs. His solid, black "hair" has several tubes jutting up from it. End ID.]

actually in the process of getting that screenshot i reread The Entire Atlas Story. not as silly as i remember! he serves as sort of an introduction to the capability of robots to do evil on purpose. he's capable of evil thought because of the Omega Factor (not to be confused with the Omega Radar, which atom and cobalt use to find each other), which his creator also wants to put in atom, so that they can help him get revenge on colonial/imperialist society (one of tezuka's semi-successful attempts at commenting on systemic racism). its implied that atlas is capable of good, too, he just hasn't been introduced to it. he gets fucking disintegrated btw.

that serves as a very good intro ramp before the Blue Knight Saga and its approaches to good amd evil, and tezuka's preferred order puts it shortly before, likely for that reason. I'm not sure how to feel about the idea that atom isn't capable of evil, and what that might say abt how "advanced" he is- i like to think he's capable of evil, and actively chooses to be good, but whatever. also im just gonna say it this design is ugly as fuck lol

80s was fun. kinda fused atlas and blue knight into the same character? ive never gotten the chance to see the anime episode with small atlas, so i only know his lore from the 80s comics, which i bet is different and siller. he's like atom, except he needed a special 8th power, and his creator decided that would be pissing on things to blow them up? "Like a cicada"? ok . he drank ink once. i love him. hes like jetter mars to me. anyway. as an adult in the anime he did surprisingly well as a long-term antagonist for astro. it's hard to take that damn show stylishly, but i did cry in the finale when atlas declared himself atoms brother. i liked the idea that they were going for, where the two have a lot in common both physically and mentally, and this omega radar ties them to each other unendingly, but atlas will always have a grudge against humans and atom will always love them? that's great. but i feel like they didn't explore it much, and a lot of it was just Come Fight Me I Fucking Dare You (maybe also to mix in Pluto with atlas and bk? saving on voice actors lmao). and i don't even know what was going on with Livian. shrug. congrats to atlas for having a third boob added though!

now 2003. OUGH 2003 did so nicely as an addition of previous atlases. they kind of departed a little bit from previous versions by having him be, for instance, a creation of tenma, but i don't dislike how they used that change. the way they took the "im just like you" thread that they started on with 80s and amped it up by making atlas not only the second robot ever to be made with the same heart/adaptability as atom, but also to be ANOTHER desperate failed father's attempt at fixing his mistakes, resulting in a new person coming out of the ghost of his neglected son?? he's not just atom's foil to the viewer, he's atom's foil to tenma. he leads up perfectly as the step before Pluto (before Shadow) and before Blue Knight in introducing robots capable of evil to society, in introducing robots who don't want to be nice to atom, and in developing tenma's obsession with evolving atom to greater lengths. here's a vengeful robot with the memories of a vengeful son. here's a robot too powerful for atom to fight without, somehow, growing. here's a victim of the growing anti-AI tide. here's someone who's just like you, here to warn you that something bigger is coming.

also he looks cool as hell. shoutout to 03 atlas

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

I haven't watched WWE in years where do I begin to catch up with the zowens thing it looks so gay I want it

Well it all started in Montreal in 2003... LMAO. Uhh, so, no, honestly? Your best bet is to find a yt documentary or some yt videos (or even a written article or two) on them in the independent scene first. Because, as @mithen will tell, their story truly began in 2003 in IWS and has been one continuous story since then. You can't truly appreciate what's been going on in the WWE since NXT without knowing at least a little bit about what came before.

As for WWE, you need to start with NXT. R-Evolution is a good place to start, although I do recommend digging into Sami's journey to the title, he really was the Heart and Soul of NXT. But for strictly "Zowens" (as it is with "Sami Zayn" and "Kevin Owens") yeah, R-Evolution is the starting point. Specifically, the last 10 minutes or so of the PPV.

From there, you need to go through their entire feud, which lasts for basically the remainder of both their times in NXT. Then, you transfer to the main roster in 2016 and OMG I cannot stress this enough, BATTLEGROUND. Battleground is to this day their greatest match in WWE ever, no you don't even understand, that match is still getting callbacks to this day. Once you get through 2016, the next big stop is Hell in a Cell 2017. There is stuff between there but if you want peak content, go for HIAC.

That's where the fun really picks up.

There's a leadup to 2017 but really, HIAC 2017 is the start of them just being... dang. Their feud with Shane McMahon is just amazing and, once you get to about December or so, Kevin starts to go a bit off the rails with his affection towards Sami and that's when you get the peak gay content you're probably looking for. However. They both got injured in 2018 and had to leave TV (With Sami getting injured first and Kevin just "Quitting" because he wasn't about to be there without Sami) but they briefly reunited in 2019 with Stomping Grounds being... a thing. No really, the post-match, er, CELEBRATION... happened... and I still say that's why they got broken up soon after. Anyway, they really didn't do ANYTHING again until the end of 2020 (Of Note: The Halloween 2020 episode of Talking Smack. Find it. Know it. Love it.) but at Elimination Chamber, we finally got another interaction which led into a very strange feud in 2021 that included a match at Wrestlemania. Not gonna try and explain why that feud was so strange but, if you get to that point chronologically, you'll understand. After 2021, there has only been a few sporadic moments. There was a non-televised moment before Wrestlemania this year at Madison Square Garden that was important. There was also the May 27th? Episode of Smackdown which is where their current program truly began. After that, the August 19th episode of Smackdown had a very important moment... after the camera's turned off. You'll have to go to YT for that one. And then, the August 29th episode of RAW. Cannot stress this enough. That's about as important a recent moment as we've gotten to what's going on right now. And finally, September 30th. They only share screen time for about 30 seconds but by god is it a gay 30 seconds. That about covers it as far as I can think of. There's other stuff in there too but those are the most important bits. At least as far as Kayfabe goes. If you're looking for behind-the-scenes stuff, however, this past Wrestlemania and the press tour surrounding it had some rather interesting moments and the guys interact on Twitter a bunch. But we'll just leave all that alone and focus on the in-character stuff because, honestly, that's plenty gay enough as it is. OH! And if you want non-canonical fan content, I highly recommend Moonsault on Ao3. My god, the stories there. Also, @wrestlezaynia is your source for most things Zowens that go on day to day and also has great fanworks. (Love you babe!) If you're looking for my work, I'm Shanieomaniac on Ao3. Pretty easy to find, honestly. Finally, let me offer you THIS as a quick teaser for the ship as a whole.

It's a music video I made to a Tim Minchin song. ("Grew On Me") The video is mostly "Steenerico" (Which is the precursor to Zowens - Kevin Steen/El Generico, which were their Indies personas) but can give you a bit of a teaser on the friendship side of their relationship. The idea comes from how, during an interview once, Kevin explained how he didn't like Sami at first. He didn't. But the more he spent time with Sami, the more he liked him because, as Kevin put it, "He grows on you, like a fungus." Beyond that, yeah. Important blogs are @wrestlezaynia, @mith-gifs-wrestling, @moonsault-fics, @thesamiandkevinshow, and my new friends, @mrwrestlingkevinsteen and @thegenericluchador. Also recommend Mithen on twitter because they are constantly posting content and also links to their essays about the subject. If you really want a fun place to start, go HERE. The essay talks about her search for the "Holy Grail" of Zowens/Steenerico and how it was Kevin himself who led her to it. Anyway, hope this helps and if anyone has anything else important to add, feel free to jump in. You wouldn't think it, but I'm relatively new to this ship, only having arrived in 2019. So, uh, have fun, and please, enjoy the Sami and Kevin Show.

[littlespoonevan]

You said you had thoughts on Buck getting hurt while Eddie is the dispatcher consider this your carte blanche invitation to ramble/write/whatever when you have the time bc I am here like 👀🍿

okay yes. thank you, anon, for encouraging me to ramble lmao

alright so it's been a Lot the past 24 hours and i've been so busy i haven't really had time to process BUT i can't stop thinking about this scenario and the likelihood of it????

in fact, it's almost so on the nose i think i'd be more shocked if some variation of it didn't happen??? because, how many times have we seen maddie or may or abby actively be the dispatcher in contact with the 118 during a call??? it's a major part of buck and abby's relationship in s1. there's multiple times where chim ends up talking to maddie on a scene (beyond he contact with bobby) and may has spoken to bobby a few times too.

and if eddie is a dispatcher that works exclusively/specifically with firefighters like this post suggests, then it feels even more likely/obvious he'll be interacting with the 118 through calls. (episode titles like "outside looking in" and "fomo" also suggest he'd going to struggle with not being an active part of the emergency like normal)

so then. we've gotten the hints about lucy being a daredevil and being similar to buck. and we know buck is in a bad place mentally which tends to make him reckless. so it doesn't take a lot to envision a situation where buck is the one pulling the dangerous stunt and eddie's on the other end of the call

(tbh i'd scream if it paralleled buck and abby's first call where she's yelling his name and trying to find out what happened except in this scenario eddie is obviously more concerned about buck than what's happening in the emergency itself)

and maybe the line goes silent or eddie hears the crash or the fall or whatever it is and i cAN'T stop picturing him whipping off the headset and bolting out of his chair (kind of like how maddie does in 3x03 when she's on the phone with buck while he's at the VA hospital) and my god if it cut to a scene at the hospital or something - like him storming in and straight up to bobby, demanding to see buck because he doesn't know what happened and he doesn't know if buck's okay and he should've been there dammit, well.

i think i may just lose it