#I haven't cried this many tears for months it's so good for me

[brown-little-robin]

I need all my tumblr friends (mutuals and not) to see my current discord status. crying in the club tonight

[bella-rose29]

Breathe

Elrond x gn!reader (Rings of Power)

not me coming out of my cave to post an Elrond fic then leave again 👀

also not me not writing anything for over a month (probably, I haven't counted) and then coming out with a near 5k fic oops

the original title for this was 'is he dead or not??? who knows' but I think this one is good too

Word count: 4.9k

Warnings: I think I killed someone writing this/made them need a lobotomy so consider that a warning to anyone who's gonna read (sorry), mentions of death, war, wounds, a child crying, the photo I'm gonna use is a warning in and of itself, I think that's it?

I feel I should add that this fic is actually happy (eventually) 😂 I reread the warnings and thought 'oh oops'

tagging @oblivious-idiot and @uku-lelevillain but if anyone else wants to be tagged in future Elrond works then let me know!

You could not breathe. 

It would eat you alive, all this waiting, chewing on your insides until it worked its way outward and left you but a shell of the person you used to be, and you wouldn’t have any way of stopping it. Your lungs felt tight as you cradled the head of a sobbing child, his mother dead after birthing him and his father out in the fray with the rest of the soldiers of Middle-Earth. He was young, had barely seen his homeland, let alone the world, and he had never seen war before. You were not so lucky as he - war had been your upbringing. You could fight as well as any other of the elven soldiers, but somebody was needed to look after those who could not, and so you had volunteered along with a small band of others: retired fighters and those looking to start out and join the ranks but were not quite good enough yet. You had trained them over the last few days that you had all spent in the safe hold, taking them through the basics of how to grip a sword and the best way to gut an Orc should they break through and make it to the doors of the underground cavern serving as your shelter. 

The child in your lap had stopped sobbing, his cries turned to sniffles, and you carefully lifted his body to nestle into your side. He was too young for war, you thought again, taking in the small points of his ears and the lack of angles on his face. You attempted a smile, hoping it would comfort him a little as you pushed a strand of his hair behind an ear, and whispered to him. “All will be well. They will return to us victorious, and we shall have no need of too many more tears.”

“But how do you know?” Children were inquisitive, which most of the time you adored, but when you are attempting to raise the spirits of a boy who does not know if he will ever see his father again, the questions become rather irritating. 

“Because I have seen many things, and because our armies are strong. They will defeat the darkness and bring light to our lands once more.” It was the best you could do when you did not truly know the answer. You had learned the art of rhetoric years ago, when Elrond Peredhel had first come to Lindon and had quickly discovered that for the elves to see past his half-elven status he would need to become invaluable, or risk being an outcast in the race he had chosen to be counted among. You had been the first to greet him, intrigued by this visitor from the Havens of Sirion when you had been born in Lindon and raised there, and he had been grateful for your tour and kindness. He had spent many an hour sat with you, commenting on his meetings and the politics of Lindon, and how he carefully navigated clashing personalities and difficult conversations, and so you had learned. 

You used it now, that knowledge that Elrond had provided in all those hours, to comfort this child. He had since taken to playing with a stick on the floor next to him, leaning further away from your side to entertain himself as he drew patterns in the dirt, and it gave your lungs the much needed space to breathe a little more. 

It had been hours and hours since the army had left, heading out onto the battlefield to meet Sauron’s forces, and you were getting impatient. Elrond had gone with them, determined to provide what help he could no matter your protests to him entering the fray. You had trained him up, knowing that he could hold his own but wanting to be sure that he would be alright, and when you had suggested that you go with him while tightening the straps of his armour he had placed his hands over yours (his hands were too soft - far too soft for someone about to go into battle), gently coaxing them from where they had fretted with the leather and returning them to your side with a sad smile. “You must stay here, melethel, and protect those who cannot fight.” The term of endearment never failed to heat your cheeks, or send a warmth up your neck and through your chest. “For my peace of mind, please stay here.” He had let go of your hands at that point, moving them up to rest on your shoulders as he looked into your eyes. A lock of hair had fallen over his face, and before you could think you were pushing it back into place, wondering if you had imagined him leaning into your touch that lingered a moment too long for two elves who were only friends and nothing more, his eyes fluttering closed for the barest fraction of a second before he was looking at you again, or if it had truly happened. What you were certain was real was the soft kiss he placed on your forehead, lips brushing the skin with such care and tenderness while his hands on your arms squeezed like you would disappear that it made your eyes sting with tears you refused to shed. Elrond would not see you cry, not now, not when there was a chance it could be the last-

No. You would not think that way. He would come back alive, and if he was hurt then you would stay by his side until he was healed, and then you would continue your lives as you had before - content and in friendship. 

It wasn’t how you wanted things to be with Elrond, which was why you could not breathe. What if he was one of the fallen, and you never saw him smile again, or gaze in wonder at the golden leaves of Lindon or cast a wry glance your way in a council session when somebody said something he thought was silly and knew you would be thinking it too, your eyes already seeking him out? What if you never heard him sing again, or write poems about trivial matters that seemed so important to him? What if you never got to challenge him to a duel again, laughing when your swords clashed and rang out in the clearing you always fled to, and calling him a cheat for tickling you after you pinned him to the floor?

And what if you never told him how you truly felt? That from the moment he had seen you try not to show your tears after climbing too high in a tree and falling, grazing your knee and cutting your calf, and had rushed to your aid because that was what Elrond did, you had loved him. He had been so calm, so gentle that night, the lights of others long gone out as they dwelt in near darkness while your lanterns stayed lit as you gritted your teeth and washed the cut of dirt and bark. You had barely heard him come in, his knock as quiet as your tears, but when his hands wrapped around your own and took the cloth from you, dipping it again in the bowl of water to your side, you barely startled. He had not been in Lindon long and yet already you knew him and his movements as though they were your own, and you trusted him enough to see you so vulnerable, and from the way he had looked at you that night he knew it. Your love for him was strong and true and the greatest thing you had ever felt, and for years you had passed it off as a friendship so powerful that the bond between you was unbreakable. You had friendships like that with others, so it would not have been out of the ordinary to have one more person whom you would love unconditionally until your light died, but when he had been kneeling by your side and cleaning the gash on your calf with a tenderness you had only read about, you had known it was different. 

The child beside you now dropped his stick, the movement bringing you out of your thoughts as he scrambled instead to his feet and started to push through the gathered people to make for the doorway. 

The doorway which was now opening, a messenger stepping through. You stood up, air catching in your throat and making you nearly choke on spit as you struggled to breathe again. Your hand flew to your opposite wrist, under the fabric of your sleeve and touching the chain that rested around the base of your hand - a gift from Elrond in the early hours of the morning before he had left for battle and after he had kissed you on the forehead. “To remember me by,” he had said, a sadness settling over his features that you hated. He unclasped it, gesturing for you to hold out your wrist, and when you complied he had linked the chains so carefully, fingers brushing the underside of your forearm so lightly it sent chills darting over your skin like minnows in a stream. His hold had lingered, and your breath had been held while time seemed to stretch on more than usual for your kind. 

Elrond had that effect on you, it would appear. Making you breathless was a skill of his you weren’t sure he knew he possessed, and at this current moment you wished it was a skill he had never mastered. Your throat felt tight while the messenger caught his breath, tired from sprinting from the battlefield. The fight was over for now, the question was simply who had won.

“Sauron’s forces have been pushed back, and the majority slaughtered. We have won this battle!” the elf cried, and the first wave of relief washed over you and the crowd. The second would come when you knew who was alive out of those that had been sent away that morning, and who would not return this night. 

The thundering of footsteps could just be heard over the cheers of the people gathered in the safe hold, and the first of the elven soldiers appeared in the chamber, tiredness being replaced by joy at seeing their loved ones again and embracing them with a fierceness that even Sauron could not comprehend. There were too many similar soldiers, their armour all the same and their faces all dirtied, and it was a long few minutes before you caught sight of the elf you were searching for. You were sure your face was blank and cold, and your eyebrows furrowed as you attempted to see past the hordes in front of you, but the moment a head of unruly curled hair glinted under the torchlight, clearly moving from soldier to soldier and asking if they were alright, you knew it was Elrond. He seemed to sense your gaze on him, turning his head to look over his shoulder and seek you out, finding you within seconds. He is alive. Elrond is alive. It was a mantra, playing over and over in your head as your feet numbly moved you forward while he did the same, pushing through people to reach you, and before you could truly register it you were in his arms, the coldness of your previous gaze melting and turning into warmth as you looked at him, tracing the small cuts on his face and wrapping your other arm around his waist. He was dirty, and bloodied, and shaking from the cold or from the fight or from something else entirely that you could not name, but he was alive. You squeezed his waist, pulling him closer to you, but didn’t miss the slight wince on his face as you did so. “Elrond, are you hurt?”

“I am fine, melethel. Just a scratch.”

“Do not lie to me, Elrond. Come, let’s get you cleaned up and out of your armour; it must be heavy on your shoulders.” He did not reply, only giving a tired smile in its place, and let you take him by the hand to the room you had commandeered for you both when you had arrived. There were two raised cots, not that Elrond had slept much, as he had been needed in meetings to discuss battle strategies and had, in his usual fashion, not stopped working until he was content that his plan would work. You closed the door behind you and pointed to one of the cots, not looking at him as you told him to sit. He did so in a daze, fingers picking at the leather straps that you had done up for him that morning. It was long past nightfall now, and Elrond likely had not rested since he woke up. You gathered your medicines and poured a dish of water, moving to sit on the stool that Elrond had pulled up for you and putting your supplies on the side table to help him with his armour. You worked in silence, removing piece after piece of metal until it sat on the floor in a neat pile and you had better access to his wound. Cautiously you pressed your fingers to the edge of the cut, trying to gauge how bad it was and immediately regretting it when he hissed in pain and tried to move away. You snatched your hand back, eyes snapping to his face to see it scrunched up in pain. “Elrond,” you spoke, voice quiet in the near-empty room as you placed your hand on his fist. “Elrond. It is alright. Here, help me get this off of you so I can clean it.” He softened, features settling back into a face you knew better than the wrinkled nose and squeezed-shut eyes, and smiled a little as you started tugging at his undershirts.

“You know, if you wanted me to take my clothes off you could have said it earlier.” Had you been standing you were sure your knees would have given way and caused you to hold on to something for support. He must be delirious from the wound, or the amount of time spent on his feet fighting. Elrond never said things like that: not to you, not to anyone. You forced a glare onto your face in lieu of a response, hoping he hadn’t noticed how much he had affected you with one simple sentence, and started to gently pull the fabric up. 

“Stop jesting, Elrond. I need to clean your wound. Unless you would prefer I left you here to get an infection and suffer?”

“You rather enjoy leaving me to suffer, melethel. You do it whenever we fight.”

“I always help you up off the floor after I wipe it with your backside,” you indignantly replied. You were glad he was talking - the silence had been strange. Normally you would not mind sitting in silence with Elrond, but that was when you were safe in Lindon, books in your hands and paper rustling as the pages turned, not when he had just fought a bloody battle and could have died. 

“I recall that last time we fought it was I who helped you off of the floor,” he mused, and you swatted at his arm. 

“Shush. I let you win that one. Now stop talking and help me; your limbs are gangly.” He let out a noise of disbelief at that but lifted his arms anyway, wincing when the shirt went over his head and pulled at the skin of his side. An Orc had found a gap in his armour, pushing its blade through and marking the side of his body with blood. You held your breath at the size of it, and when Elrond asked you how bad it was you answered with your eyes still on his side. “It is… it is nothing I cannot fix.” He seemed content enough with your response, nodding and leaning back on his hands to allow you more room to work. He grunted in pain when you raised the cloth to his skin and started cleaning away the blood and sweat that had stuck there, but otherwise was silent while you worked. 

Time is a strange thing for elves: your lives are so much longer than those other races of Middle-Earth and so often you do not perceive it in the same way - twenty years for some may be the blink of an eye to an elf. You could not have been cleaning and stitching his wound (he had cried out more when the needle had pierced his flesh) for more than an hour or so, and yet it had felt like an eternity. When you were finally done, his wound covered in an elvish salve to stop infection and the spread of whatever evil was in Orcish weaponry and stitched up with a fine thread that would dissolve harmlessly into his skin over time, you brought out another cloth and poured fresh water to clean his face. He was caked in dirt and blood and grime, sticking to his fair skin from all of the sweat he had created in exertion, and if you did not know Elrond like the back of your own hand then you would not have recognised him at all. 

“Let me,” he said, pushing up off of the cot and moving to where you stood by the basin. His hands covered yours, gently attempting to pull the cloth from your grasp and do the rest himself, but your grip was strong. 

“No. I have been sat around doing nothing all day and I might just explode if I do not finish looking after you.” He smiled, the barest of things as the corner of his mouth pulled upwards a little, and his eyes softened. How he could be soft after everything he had seen today amazed you. It had taken you years to stop guarding yourself after you first fought in a battle, not letting anybody see any vulnerability in case they took advantage and thought you weak. It was part of the reason you stayed behind: you had not wanted to find out what would happen if you fought again, not when Elrond had come into your life and, piece by piece, dismantled your high walls. 

“Alright, melethel. Alright.” He had always insisted on calling you that, saying that it didn’t matter that the pair of you were not courting, and who were you to refuse him when he spoke so sweetly? He settled back against the counter, letting his feet drift apart a little so you had room to stand between his legs. He closed his eyes, trusting you to take care of him, and for the first time since he had returned he looked at peace. He seemed unsure where to place his hands, hovering for a moment between your waist and the wood of the cabinet top he perched on before deciding on the latter. You worked away the dirt, revealing more clean skin with every swipe of your cloth, until eventually you were looking at the face of your friend as you remembered it. His hair still needed a wash, as did the rest of him, but Elrond was here, in front of you and more like himself than he had been since he had left in the morning. 

“I think you had more soil on your face than the grounds of Middle-Earth,” you joked, rinsing out the cloth again before bringing it up to his face to wipe the remainder of the grime away. He opened his eyes, a childish grin appearing on his face at your words. 

“Then you have done a fantastic job in removing it all.” He paused, then narrowed his eyes at you in playful suspicion. “At least I assume you have removed it all, and haven’t just smeared it all around my face?” He poked a dirty finger into your cheek, making you laugh and jerk backward to stop him spreading muck everywhere. Elrond stopped moving abruptly, catching your hand and studying a finger. “You’re bleeding.” He blinked at the dried blood on your pointer finger. “Or is that mine?”

“Oh. I had not even realised. I must have stabbed myself with the needle earlier. Really, it is nothing, Elrond.” He didn’t let go however, still looking concerned that you had hurt yourself while tending to him. 

“But if you are hurt-”

“Which one of us was brutally stabbed by an Orc blade? And nearly died?”

“I did not nearly die, melethel, you are being dramatic.”

“As are you, Elrond. I barely even noticed the prick of the needle.” He had brought your hand close to his face, and somehow your body had gone with it. The hand that held the cloth was bracing your weight next to Elrond’s hand, your fingers just touching, and your face was so close to his that you could feel the soft brush of air that he let out every time he breathed. It was so typical of Elrond to be more concerned for others when he himself was the one that needed to be worried over, and it only made you love him more. 

“If you say so,” he hummed, shifting his hold on your hand so that he could bring his lips to the tip of your finger where you had stuck yourself with the needle, pressing the smallest kiss to it. Your breath caught again, and he noticed the hitch. “Melethel? What is it, did I hurt you?” His eyes widened and he rushed to rectify the mistake he thought he had made. “I am so so sorry, I did not mean-”

“You did not hurt me, Elrond, for goodness’ sake!” You cut him off, exasperated and feeling very warm. 

“Then why-” he broke off, eyes searching your face and studying the most likely very visible flush to your features. “Oh,” he said, softer than a leaf of one of the trees of Lindon falling to the earth. You swore his pupils dilated a little, and he tilted his head back ever so slightly as realisation dawned on him. “Oh.” He let go of your hand, fingers slowly moving to your jaw to turn your face back towards his after you had looked to the side in an attempt to hide from the intensity of his gaze. 

“Elrond, what- what?” Your hand he had been holding was now on his shoulder, keeping you upright along with the arm he had somehow snaked around your waist, pulling you even closer to him. 

“Are you- do you…” he fumbled over his words, something he very rarely did, and through the haze of wondering how you had ended up in this situation, his fingers cupping your jaw while his other hand rested on your lower back and he stared into your eyes, flicking between them both to see if he could read you, you felt a swell of pride that you of all people had made Herald Elrond of Lindon speechless.

“Do I what?” you asked, as gently as you could. The hand you had rested on his shoulder was now toying with a strand of hair that curled under his ear against his neck, your other braced on his chest (which you were just now remembering was unclothed), and a small smile was on your face. You knew that he knew the truth now - how could he not? But he wanted to hear it, as did you, because the fear that he might be wrong was lingering and if he was wrong, he might hurt you, which was the last thing Elrond ever wanted to do.

“Do you feel it?” he whispered, eyes similar to that of a wolf cub you had once seen, wide and innocent, but entirely Elrond in the blown out pupils and spark of knowing that he carried. His nose was brushing yours, breath fanning over your face, and now it was your turn to tilt your head back to meet him. “Do you feel that whenever we are apart… your heart aches for the space where I should be stood? That whenever we are together I am complete because you are there and you are so bright and wonderful that you take my breath away more often than I would care to admit - do you feel that too?”

“How could I not, Elrond? How could I not feel that?” You felt the tension dissipate from his shoulders, his body sagging forwards into yours just a little, the action causing his face to come even closer to yours, angled slightly upwards from where he was an inch lower than you sat on the cabinet. 

You couldn’t breathe again, but this time it was because Elrond had pressed his lips to yours so cautiously that you thought you might melt into him. His fingers on your jaw were warm, not urging you one way or the other but just anchoring you, as he always had done from the moment you had met, letting you decide what happened next. You broke off first, resting your forehead against his and catching your breath, and he swallowed thickly, moving to place tiny kisses against your jawline and cheek, pausing only to murmur your name into your skin. Your hand buried itself in his hair, fingers tangling in the curls and knocking out the dust and dirt that had stuck there. It had long since dried of sweat, but the strands were greasy and needed washing, and that thought combined with the memory that he had a wound in his side were enough to make you pull back even further. “You should have a bath,” you said when he looked up at you with adoring but concerned eyes. He paused for a moment, frozen in place while he contemplated what you had said, and then he chuckled, the sound low in his throat. 

“Are you saying I smell, melethel?”

“Yes. Come, I’ll get a bath ready for you.”

“And if I would rather stay here?” His fingers had started lightly stroking your jaw, and with the way he was looking at you it was becoming harder and harder to leave his embrace. You managed to wrinkle your nose and step back, a strength you hadn’t known you possessed taking over and making you move. 

“I’m not kissing you again until you have bathed, Elrond.” He sighed dramatically, retracting his arms and standing up, wincing slightly and favouring his non-injured side while you started transporting water from over the fire.

“Truly? You really would leave me here?”

“If it gets you over here faster, then I shall get in with you.” You had never seen the elf move so quickly before, pulling off his boots and drawing out towels for when the bath was finished with. He hesitated with his trousers, then decided to keep them on, glancing at you to see what you were doing. You were already watching him, making a decision of your own before starting to pull at the strings holding your robes together.

“You don’t have to-”

“Oh I’m keeping my underclothes on, but I shall likely sink right to the bottom if I keep these thick robes on.” He looked relieved, and you stifled a laugh as you headed for the dresser where your clothes were kept, pulling out a pair of fresh trousers. “Here, get changed first if you’re keeping trousers on; you’ll dirty the water immediately.”

He complied, heading behind the partition in the corner of the room and re-emerging a few moments later to find you already in the bath, eyes closed in contentment at the feel of the warm water on your skin. Elrond lifted your head, pushing you forward gently so that he could clamber in behind you and settle back against the tub. You heard him grunt when his wound his the water, and turned to see his face scrunched in pain. “Are you alright?”

“I am alright. Just don’t lean on my side.” He helped you turn in the tub so that you were sideways against him, his wound kept out of the danger of being pressed down upon. 

You stayed in the bath until it got cold and your fingers wrinkled, having washed the dirt off of each other with one of the towels Elrond had brought over, and then when you got out you dried each other off and redressed in fresh clothes, hanging up the wet fabric and making for the bed, curling up next to each other, your head on his chest. Sleep came easily to you, Elrond’s body creating a warmth under you that made up for the dying fire in the cold room, and at some point your breathing matched his. 

For now, you could be content in peace. Another battle would come, the war not yet won, and Sauron’s armies would be at your doors again soon. But not yet. They would need time to gather strength again, to marshal and be ready, and so you had time too before Elrond had to leave again, and time to breathe before you would be sat waiting, and waiting, and take in air before it was stolen from you when he kissed you goodbye. 

[stuckyslut8]

"oh captain! my captain!"

Pairing :nomad steve x reader

Summary : steve comes to meet you after a long time, but you wanna be a brat so he puts you in your place.

Warning : 18+, smut,but gets fluffier. degradation kink, captain kink ,oral , a bit of breeding at the end. Dom/sub vibes. y/n's a slut . So many typos.

"Hey pretty girl." He greeted you as you opened the door to your home.

"Steve ..what're you doing here?"oh you were pissed. You got in quickly and closed the door in fear someone's gonna see him, steve was still a fugitive on run after all.

He didn't answer your question instead pushed you against the door and started nibbling your neck ,leaving kisses along the way . "That's no way to greet you captain sweetheart...is it." He asked as he pulled down your pants.

"Well that's no way to treat your girlfriend sweetheart, three months of ghosting me?" You still let him take off your shirt and bra too, letting him suck on your nipples that haven't seen anything but your touch for so long.

You shuddered as he played with your other nipple, you couldn't stop your moaning at this point . "Steve ..."

"What was that sweetheart? You forgot how to adress me too?" You could sense the irritated tone of his voice, but you weren't backing down now.

"Hmm maybe you shouldn't have left me all by myself then rogers." You looked him in the eye giving him your naughty look that you knew he liked so much.

"bad girl..so mouthy, what am i gonna do with you now huh?" He slapped your pussy through your panties, making you clench.

"Punish me captain." You said licking your lips.

With that steve threw you over his shoulders ,landing a smack on your ass. "Such a dirty slut so desperate for punishment aren't you?" *smack

"Yes sir."

He threw you on your bed rather ungracefully but safely, he was always cautious as to not use his full strength when around you.

"And What do you want your captain to do to you." You got on all fours ,wiggling your panty clad ass towards him, "spank me captain."

Steve put his hands on his chin, pretending to think, "hmm but that would only make you do more bad things pretty girl, i know how much you like getting spanked by your captain. So we're not gonna do that." You turned around to give him a pout.

"Oh don't do that ,come here now and suck your captain."

You crawled to him with a cheeky grin on your face, "what makes you think i won't be bad again just to suck your cock captain?"

Steve moaned at your words, he would never admit how much your dirty talk turns him on but he doesn't have to, you can clearly see it as his erection pokes out.

"Just get to work you little slut." He stood with his hands behind his back ,like he was just giving out orders to his team on the quinjet, which made it even hotter.

"Yes sir." You gave him a little salute as you unbuckled his pants and pulled him out.

You could see how hard he was ,precum leaking from his tip, you almost felt bad for him ,as he had no way but to just get himself off these past months, so you didn't wanna tease him as usual you got straight to work and took him.

Smearing aorund the precum with your tongue and playing with his balls using your hands, you started bobbing your head up and down as good as possible, just how he liked it. "God fuck y/n i missed this, missed you baby." He cried in pleasure

It was only a matter of time before he came , and you swallowed it up eagerly, knowing your captain doesn't like his cum getting wasted.

"Good girl now lay on your back." You did as he said. He took off his shirt in a swift move and came to you, tearing off your panties.

"Now now, since you were a good girl and took your punishment captain's gonna fuck you, alright?" You nodded.

"Words pretty girl. "

"Yes captain."

He stretched you out with two fingers at first ,you thought he was gonna let you cum but retracted them just as you got close and entered you in one thrust, filling you nicely with his veiny cock. "Fuck captain, feels so good."

"I know i know pretty girl, you're such a slut for your captains cock." He stared fucking into you slowly, then changee his phase to pounding you , making you thrust your hips up, he took it as a cue and threw your legs over his shoulders, hitting you deeper ,making you see the stars, your legs were gonna be so sore tomorrow .

"Fuck stevie I'm gonna cum." You said holding on to his arm.

"Cum for me pretty girl, let go ,cum for your captain." You had your release before he could even finish his sentence but he kept fucking you through it, torturing your already sensitive pussy, making you come once again spon after.

"Uhm stevie .." you said as you recovered from your second orgasm. "I'm not on the pill don't -"

But it was too late, you could feel his hot cum painting your walls already, steve tried to pull out as soon as he realized what you were saying,spraying the rest of his release on your belly.."shit shit, sorry sweetheart-i should've known. " his voice was still shaky from the orgasm.

"It's okay, what's the worst that's gonna happen? I'm gonna get knocked up?by my captain?" You pulled him towards you ,giving him a deep kiss, which left both of you out of breath.

"Yeahh, that's - that's not so bad sweetheart." He said holding your face in his palm, "besides..besides I've been thinking about that lately. "

"Really ?" You asked .

"Yeahh it was all i can think about most nights, you ,me and our little family." You could see the tears forming in his eyes.

"Stevie you're gonna make me cry."

"Do you want that too?"

"Of course captain, I'd love that "

"I love you. " he pressed a kiss to your forehead .

"I love you too." You said pulling him into a hug, and he flipped you both over as you laid on his chest. "Let's do it then Stevie, let's have a family."

"You want me to knock you up." He said with a laugh.

"Sir yes sir " you said trying to sound like a soldier.

"Alright then bucky, come in let's knock my girl up." You turned your head to the door as it opened to see the one and only james Buchanan barnes coming through. Has he been here the whole time?

A/N : yes i made it stucky, cuz why two is always better than one. Part 2 might take a while.

[sissylittlefeather]

Wait for Me: A One Shot

A/N: I had a ROUGH day yesterday, so I processed my feelings by writing a fic 😂. Needless to say, this one has a lot of feels. Enjoy.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, kissing, p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, infidelity (Elvis is married), angst I guessss

Word count: ~2.7k

Songs: Weirdly enough, the songs that inspired this fic are not by Elvis. I know Elvis sang Unchained Melody, obviously, but in this fic it's The Righteous Brothers' version.

*************************************************

You never stopped loving Elvis. Not when he broke up with you. Not when you found out he was engaged. And not even when he got married and became a father.

You've loved him since you met him on a movie set in the mid-sixties. Your romance was a whirlwind that started hot and heavy and only got hotter and heavier as time went on. You'd never met someone who could light you up like he did. His energy was electric and you thrived in each other's presence. He told you once that he felt like before you his life was black and white and you made it technicolor.

You thought you had finally found the person you were meant to spend your life with and you were convinced he felt the same. But it all came crashing down when he came to you in '66 and said it was over.

He was crying when he said it and it nearly broke you to hear it. You begged and pleaded and screamed and cried, but he said he had no choice. That didn't make sense to you, but he was pretty insistent. Finally, at the end of the conversation, when you had no more tears left and a numbness had settled in your heart, you asked the question you didn't want the answer to. Was there someone else? He looked at the floor and nodded. The room began to spin and your hearing went out and you were pretty sure you were going to faint. He caught you and carried you to the couch. Then he kissed your forehead, your hand, your cheek, and your lips, and apologized. After that, he left, and you cried for the next month.

What you didn't know was so did he. Even though there was technically someone else, she wasn't someone that he wanted more than he wanted you. But his hands were tied by a decision he made so many years ago. He never dreamed you would come into the picture.

Either way, he married her and tried to make the best of it. And you bounced from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship always searching for someone who could make you forget him. No one ever could.

You spent the next few years avoiding places where you thought he might be. But eventually you realized you had to live your life.

That's how you ended up at a party in Vegas with your most recent boyfriend in 1971. You're nervous because you know Elvis is in Vegas right now. It's not outside the realm of possibility that he could be here. Still, you've missed enough events. It's been five years. It's time to accept the fact that it's over and you might have to see him. And that you'll survive it even if you do.

******

You're nursing a drink with your boyfriend's arm thrown around your shoulders when you spot him. He's here with her, but of course he would be. You look down at your drink quickly and try to turn so that you're out of his eye-line, but you're too slow. You feel his eyes on you before you look up and meet them. There's something in them that you recognize, a hunger of sorts, and it shoots straight through you. You take a deep breath and try to turn away again. Your boyfriend notices your change in demeanor.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing, I just, let's dance."

You haven't told him about Elvis. There's really no reason to and besides, you don't talk about Elvis. Luckily, he's not curious by nature, so he walks you to the dance floor without thinking too much about it. As you dance, you try to focus on Mike and his sweet smile and chestnut hair and round brown eyes. He's a good man, a photographer, and he has the soul of a poet. The sex is satisfying and you enjoy his company. You should be in love with him. You're convinced if you try hard enough, you will be.

As you slow dance, though, you feel eyes on you again. You make the mistake of peeking over Mike's shoulder. Elvis has you locked into a look that's so intense you feel like you might burst into flames. You clear your throat and look away, trying to ignore all the old feelings that are bubbling up. Why does he keep looking at you?

You're not sure whether to feel the immense sadness or the anger that's starting to grow. You take a third path and look up at Mike, trying to convey a look of adoration. This is very purposeful, since you hope that Elvis will see it, read it, and assume you've moved on. But just then, Mike looks down at you and smiles.

"Hey, baby, I'm going to run to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Oh..." He gives you a quick squeeze and then moves towards the door. Left all alone, you go back to the bar to get another drink, praying Elvis doesn't notice. You're not sure what you'll do if he approaches you. Once you get your drink, you move to the side of the bar and try to focus on your drink until Mike comes back.

You feel him before you hear him, his scent overwhelming you with memories. He stands close behind you, but not too close. It's obvious he's trying to think of something to say and you stand there trying to keep yourself from turning and throwing yourself on him.

"Are you not even gonna look at me, honey?" You close your eyes at the sound of his voice. It's comforting in a way you haven't experienced since it ended between you. You turn slowly and look up into his face, making a concerted effort to blink away your tears. He holds his fingers up to your cheek but doesn't touch you. Instead, he drops his hand back down to his side. Every move he makes is like a form of slow torture for both of you. Finally, you speak.

"Why should I look at you?" You watch as your words cut through him. For a second, his perfect facade slips and you feel the anguish radiate off of him.

"I don't have an answer for that." He leans forward ever so slightly, seemingly trying to breathe you in. "I just..."

He trails off as Mike makes his way back to your side. Elvis secures his facade and they shake hands and chat politely. When Mike throws his arm around your shoulders casually, you feel the energy roll off of Elvis. You can't tell if it's anger or jealousy or sadness or all three. For a second you worry that he might throw a punch at Mike, but that fear fades as quickly as it appears when Elvis nods, smiles, and excuses himself from the conversation.

Your heart breaks when he walks away, but you know he has to. You look down at your shoes and try to will the tears away.

"Are you okay, baby?" You sniffle and look up at Mike, shaking your head enthusiastically.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

"You know, I've always heard that Elvis was a real down-to-earth guy, but he truly is. Have you met him before? He seemed to know you?"

"Yes. We've met before. We made a few movies together."

"Oh, that's right! I always forget you were in those." You're teetering on the edge of a full on breakdown, desperate to keep your composure.

"Let's go back to our dance!" You say a little too enthusiastically. He nods and leads you back to the dance floor just as they play a slow ballad. Mike holds you in his arms, not suspecting a thing. But the song, the song is Unchained Melody. It's something Elvis used to sing to you and you feel like you could scream, it hurts so bad.

You fight to keep the tears from falling and you think you just might pull it off until you see him. Over Mike's shoulder, you find him. He's got his wife in his arms, but he's looking at you.

That's it. That's all you can handle. You mumble some excuse to Mike and practically run out of the room. You make it outside before you completely fall apart. It's pouring down rain and dark, so you take full advantage and let the tears stream down your face. You're lost in the emotions when you hear him.

"Y/n?" You turn quickly and instinctively try to wipe the tears off of your face. You know it's him.

"What do you want, Elvis?" Your voice is unsteady and your hair hangs wet around your shoulders. You stand facing each other as the rain soaks him too.

"I-I-I I just wanted to make sure you're okay." You can feel that he's desperate to touch you.

"Okay?! You think there's a chance in hell that I'm OKAY?!" You're yelling because of the rain, but also because you're filled with something you can't quite identify.

"Y/n, I-"

"No. I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

"But-"

"Go back to your wife, Elvis!"

"Y/n-"

"What could you possibly have to say to me that matters?!" You almost scream it at him. You're trembling with the pain and anger that burns through you.

It's killing him to see you like this. He had prayed that you'd move on without him and find someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved. But he never stopped loving you either. More than anything, he wants to wrap you in his arms and hold you close to him again.

"Y/n, please-"

"Please what? Please sit around and pine for you while you marry another woman? Please forget I ever loved you? Please ignore the pain of the last five years without you?"

He stands there speechless. Then, he speaks as quietly as he can in the rain.

"Please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you." You sob openly and put your head in your hands. He looks down to try to keep himself from crying too.

"Why does it matter to you?" You say from behind your hands. He looks back at you, hoping you won't notice his tears in the rain.

"It just does."

"That's not good enough. Tell me why you care whether I forgive you or not. You're happily married. I am nothing to you."

That almost breaks him. It couldn't be further from the truth. You are everything to him, but he can't tell you. He stands there staring at you. "Just leave me alone, Elvis. Go back-"

"Do you think I wouldn't rather feel this way about my wife?!" He yells loudly. This catches you off guard and you look up at him confused as he takes a couple of steps towards you. "She's my wife! She's the mother of my child! But she doesn't make me feel like this, like I can't breathe without her. Like seeing her in pain makes me want to move the stars to fix it. Don't you think it would be easier for me if I could love her the way I love you?!"

You stand there facing each other, chests rising and falling, hearts beating wildly, rain falling on both of you.

"You love me."

"God, y/n, of course I love you!"

There's a beat of silence and then in half a second, you're wrapped around each other with your mouths pressed together, open and moving passionately. You pull on him desperately and he holds you so tightly that you'd think you were trying to melt into one another right there in the parking lot. Your heart is pounding and his head is spinning with the release of pent up energy between you. He kisses down your neck hungrily and you whisper to him.

"What car do you have here?"

"The Mercedes limousine." Without another thought, you jump and he catches you with your legs around his waist. He carries you towards the car and you kiss him madly. A few seconds later, he pulls back and hollers to the driver while you kiss down his neck.

"Keys, man!" The driver's mouth pops open, but he tosses Elvis the keys. When you get to the car, he sets you down and presses you against the door with his body as he fumbles with the lock. You feel his erection pressing against you and moan softly. When he hears you, he abandons his task momentarily to kiss you and roll his hips against yours. Then, he goes back to the keys and finally gets the door unlocked.

You tumble into the backseat together, shedding sopping wet clothes and shoes. He kisses your shoulders and your chest and rips your bra off, tossing it across the car. His hand immediately goes to one nipple, his mouth to the other. You push his dripping wet hair off of his forehead and revel in the feeling of his hot mouth on you. He drags his tongue up from your chest to your neck and then moves back to your mouth, fiercely attacking your lips with his own. Your hands tremble as you get his belt off and undo his pants, so he helps you and pulls them off. Then, he yanks your panties off with one hand and lays you down on the seat.

He teases your clit with the tip of his cock for just a second before he pushes into you deeply, filling you fully. You moan loudly and he grunts and begins to fuck into you at a steady pace. As his hips slam into yours over and over, the rainwater that coated your skin turns to sweat and the car fills up with the steamy smell of sex. He thrusts harder and harder into you and it feels like you might die from the intense pleasure running through you. The way he pounds you elicits small cries from you and guttural groans from him and you know that anyone passing by could see and hear and know exactly what's happening.

There are no words between you, just feelings and primal sounds and the constant slapping of your wet skin against each other's. You feel him begin to tense up just as your walls flutter and both of you fall over a cliff into your release at the same time. The high washes over you and it's mixed with something so much more. You whimper as he pumps weakly a few more times and then relaxes on your chest.

You both try to catch your breath and soak in the shared afterglow of what just happened. Your hands make their way to his hair and you gently massage his scalp. He closes his eyes and enjoys the small gesture of affection, a warm feeling of contentment settling inside him. You feel like yourself for the first time in 5 years and bask in the peace of his head on your chest. Neither of you wants to move and risk bringing reality back into focus. You lay there like this for a long while, just holding each other.

"I don't want this to end." He whispers. You look up to try to keep your tears in your eyes.

"They're going to come looking for us eventually."

"I know. And I can't put my wife in this car. Not now." He sits up and pulls you into his arms and then brings your hand to his mouth, kissing your fingertips gently.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'll send the driver to get a different car and make up some excuse for it."

"Smart." You both start to gather your clothes and get dressed. He hands your panties to you and has a thought.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry; I got carried away and didn't use my mouth. I'll get you next time, I promise."

"Next time?" He realizes what he's said and looks into your eyes.

"Yes." He grabs your chin and pulls your lips to his. Then, he presses his forehead against yours and whispers.

"You know I would've married you if I could've." You nod as a tear slides down your cheek. He pulls back and wipes it away with his thumb. "No more tears, honey. I'm not leaving you this time. Never again."

"What about-"

"Let me worry about that."

He holds your face in his hands. And then he sings.

"Wait for me, wait for me.

I'll be coming home. Wait for me."

******

The End

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love

[karma-vvitch]

l'amour de ma vie

Thought I was depressed or losing my mind My stomach upset almost all of the time But after I left, it was obvious why (oh), mm Because for you, you I was the love of your life, mm But you were not mine (but you were not mine)

𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: Angst

𝕻𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: Bucky Barnes x GN!Reader

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘:  Hurt/No Comfort, Angst fest lmao, Bucky’s kinda a dick in this one (so for all the ppl who don’t like reading Bucky in a negative light, this isn’t for you babe. *I’m ppl), The reader is implied to be chubby/plus size, slight body insecurity, but I think reader girl bossed in this (maybe it’s just me), AGAIN THERE IS NO FLUFF HERE ABSOLUTELY NONE. 

“You ruined me” You glared at him “You ruined me, Bucky Barnes” It’s been 2 weeks and 3 days since Bucky broke up with me. The audacity of that man. I don’t know where it went wrong. Was it when he started coming home late? Or when he started sleeping on the couch? There were too many instances to count. I guess the straw that broke the camel’s back was when he left his phone on the counter, Sharon’s contact notification glowed brightly. “We should stop this” God I thought for once I wasn’t an idiot, but once again my ego was shattered. That fucker told me he loved me, all of me. From my smile, to my curves, to my thighs. And yet he still went for miss perfect. “Baby–” The asshole spoke. “Baby? Seriously Barnes? Trying to soften me up? We’re SO past that!” I laugh incredulously. Fighting the tears welling in my eyes. “You promised me! You dick! You promised me! You said you looked past this–” gesturing to my body “I thought you saw me for me, Bucky!” He looked embarrassed. Good. “Baby, can we please not do it here?” He looked around the common room we were standing in. The place occupied by the team who were in awe and disbelief on what’s going on. This bitch “Oh! You’re embarassed? Good, let them see your shame for the lying, cheating piece of shit that you are!” Gasps are echoed throughout the room. The woman in question as well, finally, looking away in shame. Bucky looked helpless. The severity of the situation finally hitting him like a freight train. “Please, it was a mistake. Yes, I’m a huge asshole for hurting you. You have all the right. I love you. What I did will haunt me for the rest of my life and I’m sorry–” tears flowing freely from his eyes at this point “I’m so so sorry” The sight before you could’ve made you fold easily. Bucky on his knees, grovelling. Your Bucky who held you when your friends abandoned you. Your Bucky who drove you to McDonald’s at 3am to get nuggets. Your Bucky who dropped everything just to go home and take care of you at your lowest. For a second you thought that everything happening at the moment was just a bad dream. He would never hurt you… But he did. His cries snapped you back to reality. “I broke up with you because I was a coward, I thought I could fix myself and come back to your life a better man– I should’ve told you sooner” All I could do is stare at him, emotionless and numb. What does one even do in this situation? The (once) love of your life, who has hurt you beyond any comprehension is grovelling at your feet. Should I say something? Should I lash out at him? Should I make him get up? It was all becoming too much In the end, I just turned my heel and left. The echoes of his increasing sobs and pleas following me. Good.

𝕹𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖘: This may or may not be based on real-life... Oops. The angst gods were coursing through me ngl. I haven't written in months so this is exciting. The depression is still there and thriving but I'm not gonna let it stop me from doing what I love :>. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this. Hopefully, I get to write more Bucky stuff (I promise there will be more fluff. God knows this man deserves it). Anyway, hope y'all have a great day/night! xoxo

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙: None yet!

[iamqueenpotato]

Hurts Like Hell Final Part

Azriel x Reader

A/N- This constant support that you all have given me is something I will always be thankful for, seeing you guys enjoy my writing has been the best thing ❤️ This is the last part! Took me a bit longer to make sure I ended it correctly, kinda had a little burnout this past week 🙃 so hopefully, you guys are satisfied with the ending! Enjoy!

⚠️: None!

Word Count: 4.3k

Part One Part Two

Healing wasn’t easy, it took a lot of willpower on your end. But the more you tried, the better you began to feel. Lucien started giving you more tasks, and more errands to run. Forcing you to get out of the house, interact with new people, and enjoy the sunlight on the walks the two of you took. You never once held in your feelings, never let them have the chance to take control. Though there were days you wanted to do nothing but lie in bed, especially when certain memories would resurface, ones of a certain Illyrian. And there were times you wanted to beg Lucien to leave you be, to let you spend your days trapped in your room, away from it all but you would remind yourself of the why of it, remembering that going back down that road of despair would cause more damage than good.

Lucien admired the perseverance you showed. He reminded you daily of how proud he was of you, continuing to be the supportive friend you needed. It would be a lie if you said you haven't cried in these past couple of months, there were plenty of tears shed during the late nights, during any time of the day, but you truly were feeling that your heart was finally healing, all of the fears and doubts that sat so deep within you were slowly becoming a distant memory. In the process, you learned to do something you thought you never could do. You finally learned how to love yourself. Mistakes and all.

Learning how to love yourself was difficult, it took many tries to believe that you were capable of it but you discovered you were worthy of love, even the parts that you had despised for years, the pieces of you that you had long deemed unlovable. It was a time you spent truly discovering who you were, and who you could become, with and without your mate. Though heartbreak and immense pain caused you to arrive at this moment. To this point of healing. It had benefited you more than you would ever have realized. The best part of it all was you were never alone, you had Lucien, and when they could, your friends from the inner circle would come and visit you, and spend a day or two catching up. And when they left to go back home, there was a large part of you that wanted to follow.

Then after a few months had passed, you decided it was time to go home. You were ready, to be back in Velaris. To see Azriel. And have that conversation that the both of you had put off for far too long. There was once anger and heartache within you, the two things that you had thought would occupy you for years, but when you began to change, and you learned to accept them, they had begun to dim. Though your heart still ached for your mate, and the pain that he had put himself and you through had dampened a bit your spirit, you were prepared to talk to him, to hear him out. To see if that bond between you two was still worth repairing.

It was late into the night when you decided to tell Lucien of your plans, as you walked down the steps of the cabin, you found him lounging on the sitting room couch, various papers in his hands. When he spotted you he placed them down, moving over so you could sit next to him. “It’s late, what are you still doing up?” He asked.

“I am ready to go back.” Your words came out quick, like a breath you had been holding in for too long.

Lucien sat up straight, his eyes studying your face, trying to find any sort of second-guessing from you. But this was a decision you thought about for a while and you were certain this is what your next step was going to be. When Lucien realized there was no doubt in your choice he smiled, pulling you into a tight embrace. “I am so proud of you.” He pulled away, cupping your hands within his. You couldn’t help but smile back.

“Lucien there are no words that can express how grateful I am for your support, I will never forget what you have done for me.” You choked out, not expecting to cry saying goodbye. Though it wasn’t truly goodbye, Lucien became your best friend through this, and going forward he would always be a part of your life. But the time you spent with him, the healing that so greatly involved him, it would be hard to leave this place behind. He brought his hand to your cheek, wiping away the tears. You looked up at him, seeing the freshly fallen tears down his own cheeks. “You have been by my side this entire time, even when I thought I didn’t deserve anything, so thank you, Lucien. For being my friend.” You smiled, letting out a breathy laugh, and he smiled right back.

“I am going to miss having you around here Y/N.” Lucien spoke quietly, as if he were trying to dim the emotion within him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him with all the strength you had.

“You have to come to visit, you don’t have a choice.” You spoke, burying your head in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around your waist, you could feel his tears as they fell onto your shirt.

“Yes ma’am” He choked out as he pulled away, smiling so brightly at you. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, wiping your tears away, both of your noses sniffling. Then the two of you broke out into a fit of laughter, that was soon followed by more tears. And more hugging.

The next morning you awoke on the couch, not having ever gone back up to your room, the two of you spent the rest of the night talking, about anything, the night was filled with many moments of tears but there wasn’t sadness in any of it, Lucien made sure to tell you over and over how proud he was of you and admiring the strength you had built over these months, which only seemed to make you cry more.

Lucien’s figure was spread across the carpet by the fire, still sound asleep as you sat up. You grabbed the pillow behind you, softly throwing it towards Lucien, aiming for his chest but instead landing directly on his face with a loud smack. A little bubble of laughter escaped your throat as he rolled over, groaning, pulling the pillow away from his face. “Maybe I won’t miss you.” He joked, giving you a small smirk, his eyes still closed. You gasped, grabbing another pillow, this time throwing it with a little more force. Laughing loudly you stood up, making your way toward the bathroom to shower. It was time to get ready for your trip back home.

You had written a letter to Cassian the night before, telling him of your plans, though you got no response, the sudden knock at the cabin door could only be one person. You placed the last bit of your clothes in your bag before rushing over to the door, opening it up with eagerness. Cassian smiled widely at you, he stretched his arms wide, inviting you to embrace him, which you did without hesitation. He hugged you so tight it felt like you would crack in half, but you smiled through it, holding him with equal ferocity.

“I had to stop myself from flying over here last night, Nesta actually had to hold me back.” Cassian laughed as he placed you back down on the ground.

You shared his laughter, your smile growing wider each second until your cheeks hurt. “Who else knows?”

“Just Nesta, for now, I assume she told Feyre, but I made sure they said nothing to Az, my lips are sealed this time.” You felt Lucien appear behind you, Cassian reached behind you to give him a firm handshake, while his other hand rested on Lucien’s shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of her, she’s family, and I wouldn’t have anyone else by her side during this,” Cassian added, the sentiment was almost enough to make you cry. Cas smiled at you, motioning to move past you into the cabin. “I’ll grab your bag Y/N, let you say goodbye.”

You turned towards Lucien, your chin trembled as you gave him one last hug. “Thank you again, Lucien, I will see you sometime soon.” You pulled away.

He smiled at you, a strong hold on your hand. “Remember you are strong, you are worthy of love Y/N. Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve.”

“I promise. You do the same.” You spoke as you turned to Cassian, who was walking back down the stairs, your bag in hand. Lucien let go of your hand, standing in the doorway as Cassian lifted you in his arms. “Goodbye Lucien.”

“Goodbye Y/N.” And with that you were in the air, the cabin just a small spec across the land, but always would remain a large piece within your heart.

Velaris was as beautiful as you remembered, you stared down at the city below, admiring all that you had missed so dearly.

The two of you landed in front of your townhome, you took a moment to steady yourself, one breath in, one breath out. Cassian held your hand, smiling down at you. “I need you to close your eyes for me kiddo.”

You looked at him with skepticism in your eyes. “Why?” You asked.

“Do you trust me?”

“Usually, but at this particular moment, I’m not so sure.” You laughed as Cassian gave you a playful nudge. He moved behind you, placing one large hand over your eyes. He walked slowly, guiding you to what you figured was the front door. “Cassian what is going on?” You questioned, hoping he wasn’t tricking you in some way. You heard the door unlock, a quiet array of whispers. Anticipation ate at your gut as Cassian slowly moved his hand away, and when you opened your eyes, you found all your friends standing in your living room. All of them yelled an array of “Welcome home!” Mor was the first one to hug you, then Nesta and Feyre, then finally Rhys. Amren gave you a small smile from behind her glass. You spotted Elain sitting quietly in the corner, who offered you a small wave, and you politely returned the gesture. You turned back towards Cassian, placing your hands on your hips. “You couldn’t keep it a secret huh?” Though your tone was filled with sarcasm, you had a giant smile across your face.

“I couldn’t ruin the surprise. What can I say? Everyone was super excited to hear you were coming back.” Cassian smiled, shrugging his shoulders. But there was one person still missing. You did not see him when you walked in, and as your eyes scanned the room he was nowhere to be found. Rhys came up behind you, his hand resting on your shoulder as he leaned down to speak quietly in your ear. “He has been on a mission for the past couple of days. He will be back tonight. I did not tell him you were coming.” As you looked towards the Highlord you mentally slammed your walls back up, but you nodded in acknowledgment.

The rest of the day you spent drinking and catching up with everyone. It felt so good to be back home with the family you thought you never would have, and when you looked around the room you mentally noted that if things worked out between you and your mate, you would buy more furniture, with Cassian sitting on the ground, Amren’s short stature taking the entire couch, Rhys and Feyre cuddled up on the chair, while Nesta on the other, you didn’t have the seating to entertain. But the thought made you smile, who would’ve known of the many problems you would have faced in your life, not having the space to entertain your friends would be one of them. And when it was time to play cards, everyone found a spot on the floor.

“I think I am going to head out.” A small voice spoke up above the rest. You looked over to Elain, who hadn’t said a single word the entire time, stand up and swiftly move towards the exit, you and your friends watched as she closed the door behind her.

You placed down your cards. “No cheating.” You spoke before standing up and following Elain out the door.

“Elain!” You called out. She stopped moving, turning to face you. “Are you okay?” She kept her head low as you approached her, her hands folded in front of her.

“Y/N why are you so nice to me?” She choked out. “I played a part in the fallout between you and Azriel.”

“Did you do it on purpose?” You asked.

Her head shot upward, Elain’s eyes were wide as she stared at you. “No-no of course not, I would never.”

You placed a hand on her arm, smiling shyly at her. “Then I have no reason to be anything but nice to you. Elain I never had anything against you, I think you are a wonderful woman. Things got complicated between Azriel and me and somehow you ended up in the center of it, but if you didn’t do it on purpose, then why should I be mad?”

Elain smiled at you, and a single tear fell down her cheek as she moved to hug you. “Thank you.” She whispered. You would have never thought that Elain would have become this troubled over the situation, but maybe she truly saw it as her fault, and you were glad that you were the person to tell her otherwise.

She pulled away, waving goodbye as she walked down the street. When you walked back into your home, your friends gazes followed your movements as you found your seat back in the circle. “What?” You asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Nesta spoke up. “It’s good to have you back, Y/N.” She smiled, softly nudging you with her shoulder. You all went back to playing your game and you couldn’t tell if it was just in your head but it felt as though more pieces of your soul healed. And you could thank your found family for it.

Once the sun set, your friends decided it was time to leave, after a long goodbye you were left standing in the middle of your living room. Being alone in your townhome again brought back so many emotions, both good and bad. But it felt right. It no longer was a place that you associated with your pain. You knew Azriel wouldn’t be home for some time. But waiting made a small bundle of nerves grow in your stomach, you rubbed at your chest as if that would help the growing nerves.

But that also meant you had time to truly prepare yourself for this conversation. As you walked around your home, you didn’t realize how much you missed this place, the shared library, your kitchen, and all the memories it holds. The photos that lined the hallway walls of you and your mate, the family you shared. Though you were gone for months nothing had changed, it was as if you were never gone in the first place.

You walked into your bedroom, the last place you truly talked to Azriel. His leathers were tossed all around his side of the room, though your side of the room was clean. Except for the fact that your side of the bed had been slept in, while Azriels was still made. Confused by it all you left the room, opting to wait in front of the fire until he came home. You picked at the edge of the chair, second-guessing yourself if this was the right decision. The doubtful thoughts filling your head, what if he didn’t forgive you? What if he finally decided to move on? But remembering how far you came, how much you needed to do this, you stuck through it and continued to wait.

It was nearly midnight when you heard the lock on the door turn. You stood quickly, watching the door as it slowly opened. Azriel stepped in, throwing his things to the side, he was dressed in his leathers, slowly removing the top layer, being in his presence felt different, but better. Gods you missed him, though you couldn't let yourself run back to him, not until you heard what he had to say.

He didn’t notice you at first, his gaze solely focused on the floor, his hair was a mess, and if you looked closely enough you could see the dark circles underneath his eyes. His shadows darted towards you, alerting him of your presence. His head whipped around to look at you, his movements frozen as his eyes widened though it was as if he didn’t believe you were here, standing in front of him. “Hi, Az.” You whispered.

Your voice seemed to shake whatever trance he was in. He moved to you faster than you could react, rushing over to you but quickly stopped in his tracks as if he wasn’t sure if you wanted him near you. But when you didn’t step back, instead moving closer he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, running his hands along your back. You didn’t pull away, not startled by his sudden movements, you prepared yourself for this, you had missed the warmth that he gave you. You slowly wrapped your arms around him, returning the embrace. “You came home.” He spoke, his voice cracking.

You pulled away and you could have sworn you heard a small sound of protest come from Azriel as you moved the two of you to the couch. “I thought it was time we talked about everything.”

As the two of you sat down, Azriel held on to your hand, you watched his chin tremble as he looked towards you. “I am so sorry Y/N.”

“I am too.” You responded.

Azriel shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, this is my fault alone.”

“But what I said-”

Azriel gripped your hand tighter, rubbing his thumb across your palm. “I deserved it, I hurt you Y/N and I am sorry. For what I put you through. There is no excuse for my behavior, I don’t deserve you and the love you give. I never meant to hurt you, I didn’t realize what I was doing until you left Rita’s that night. Seeing you cry, made my entire world crash down. I-” Azriel paused, looking down at his hands that were now interlaced within yours, trying to center himself. “I am not good with emotions, I know I love you, gods I love you so much. But I think pushing people aside and those emotions are how I think I am protecting them. But in reality, I hurt the person I care for the most.”

“What were you trying to protect me from?” You asked.

“Myself, my job. After everything that happened with Rhys and Feyre, I was scared. Each time I went on missions, I kept that love for you a secret because I was so afraid that something would happen to me, if I were ever to get caught. They would find out about you. They would use you to get to me. And I would never forgive myself if I put you in harm's way. But in the process when I pushed it so far down, I made it worse. ” He choked out, you could only stare at him, unsure of what your next words would be.

Azriel took a deep breath as he continued. “I got so engrossed in my work, that I neglected the one good thing in my life. When Feyre asked if I could keep an eye on Elain, it became another job. I said she needed me because I thought that is what I needed to do for Feyre and for her, to follow orders. She was never anything else to me. I am so sorry you thought that something was going on, that I made it seem like there was. You are all I have ever needed and I was an idiot to mess it up. These mistakes are mine to bear, not yours. Y/N you remind me where I belong, you have shown me love that I never thought I would be capable of knowing. I should have been a better mate, you deserve so much more than I am. I hate that I couldn’t see you struggling, I hate that I wasn’t there for you. I hate myself. For all of it.” Azriel let his head drop as his body shook with sobs, it hurt you to see him like this, but after hearing his words, seeing what this had done to him, what the two of you had been through, and although there was still more to work on between you two, you knew you wouldn’t want to live in a world without him by your side.

“Please don’t hate yourself.” You spoke quietly, watching him as he slowly pulled away from you.

Azriel didn’t look your way as he spoke, his voice hoarse. “It is what I deserve. I deserve worse than hate. What I did to you-” He paused wiping his face with the back of his hands. “I can never forgive myself, I swore I would protect you, I promised myself I would never make you cry, never cause you pain. But I couldn’t keep that promise.”

Bringing your hand along his jaw, you raised his head gently, making him look at you. Rubbing soothing circles across his cheeks. “I will not lie and say that I wasn’t hurt by this, gods Azriel it broke me. I never thought I would have gotten myself out of that hole. But this bond, this light between us, it is something to be treasured, to be loved. It gave me the strength to heal, to be better so we can be better. But for that to work, I need honesty, and clarity. I need you to be the male I know you are. The one who is fearless, who cares so much for his family, the one that I fell in love with all those years ago, the one that still has my heart.” You paused, holding back those tears that so desperately wanted to fall. “Don’t block me out. I am your mate, for the good and the bad. I understand the need to protect me, but I need to protect you too. We are equals after all, and we have to look out for each other.”

Azriel leaned into your touch as more tears fell down his cheeks. “How can you forgive me? I failed you.”

You moved one of his hands, placing it above your heart. You opened that bond that had been closed off for what felt like an eternity. Letting that warmth from you flow towards him, to show him that you had always held on to hope, even when it felt out of reach. “There is no way to learn things in life without failing, the thought of losing you scared me, so much that I became paranoid and assumed things that were not there, I should’ve talked to you instead of thinking everything would go back to normal on its own. A relationship takes work, and even when it gets hard, I don’t ever want to know who we are without each other. You are a piece of me that will be with me forever. I can’t help but love you.” You pulled on the bond once more, and finally, Azriel opened his side. The sudden rush of fear and guilt that came from him made your breath hitch, but you did not pull away, instead, you pushed more love toward him, in return he leaned his forehead against yours, sending a wave of love down the bond. The tears finally fell as you closed your eyes, cherishing Azriel and everything he was. Faults and all.

“I love you Y/N, nothing and no one could change the way I feel about you. You are light in this dark world of mine, a blooming rose in a garden of thorns. I promise to be the male you deserve. If you’ll have me.” He wiped away your tears, his hands remaining on your cheeks. You nodded, interlacing your fingers with his. Azriel let out a sigh of relief before softly placing his lips on yours. The bond bloomed with so much love between you and him. And as his lips lingered on yours, you finally felt that you were back where you belonged, the hope within you became a blazing fire and not the dim flame it once was. The connection you two shared was never something wild to tame, but something to run with, it was meant to make mistakes, and you two would learn to fix them together.

“I love you Azriel.” You whispered as you pulled away, your hands still tightly gripped onto his.

He smiled back at you, the smile that warmed your heart, the one that sent butterflies throughout your body. “I love you Y/N, with all that I am.”

And when he kissed you again, it was a promise. One that meant change, for a better future. For the both of you.

Taglist: @honestlywtfisgoingon @fanfictioniseverything @marina468 @positivewitch @maviee @blurredlamplight @bookslut420 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @elle10 @dragonstoneprincess

[karatekels]

(Before you get mad because my Master List isn't currently my pinned post, you can find it here)

Well, I was hoping to give you all a more positive, happy update... but now you get a mixed bag.

I found out yesterday that my beautiful, wonderful PhD supervisor got my graduate funding extended for another year, meaning that all the extra work that I've either done or signed up to do this year is just a nice, extra little windfall that means I don't have to worry about money as aggressively as I have been, so that's a win! I cried happy tears for a very long time.

Unfortunately, this week my chronic fatigue which has been slowly going away over the past year has decided to start coming back.

I've touched on my chronic fatigue and pain a bit here before, but the gist of it is we don't really know what's causing either or how to treat either. At least I'm in Canada, so I haven't had any medical debt relating to this, but on the downside our medical systems are so backlogged I haven't been able to delve into very many tests to really get to the bottom of it. I won't rant about the pain because I've been dealing with it for most of my life and, as shitty as it is, I can usually still coexist with it, but the fatigue...

OH, THE FUCKING FATIGUE.

For me, my fatigue isn't wanting to sleep in longer in the morning or something I can chase away with coffee, or something I can just yawn through as I go about my day - it's an infuriating and debilitating clusterfuck. It usually means I don't sleep well during the night, and I will randomly be unable to function for hours at a time. I can't really think properly, my limbs will go numb, and I usually just slug out on the couch until it passes. No amount of sleep will make the sleepiness go away, and when it comes on, there's nothing I can do (it's a good thing that I don't drive, because if it came on while I was behind the wheel I would pretty much have to immediately pull over, lock the doors and pass out).

The good news (as I'm trying to see it, anyway) is that between my body being largely useless and my finances no longer being as much of an issue as anticipated, I can - and have to be - a bit gentler with myself, meaning I'll probably be at home more than I already am, and looking for a way to escape.

aka "MORE DAYDREAMING AND SUBSEQUENT WRITING!"

I can't promise I'll be churning things out the way I was last summer (jeez, remember last summer? what the hell was I thinking...) but I can pretty much guarantee I'll be writing a lot more than I have been so far this year, and I hope you're looking forward to that possibility as much as I am!

Basically, I just wanted to check in to thank you all for your patience, explain my lack of writing this year, and encourage those of you who are healthy to really appreciate it. I turn 30 in less than two months, and so much of my life (and pretty much my entire adult life) has been impacted by these unpredictable, unfixable problems and it really sucks. So, if you can do a cartwheel, a wheelkick or some kind of jump for joy, please do it for yourselves, and know that I'd join you if I could!

Thanks for reading, and we'll be back to your regularly scheduled smut soon, ya filthy animals!

- KarateKels

---

Tl;dr: Good and bad things are happening but hopefully both mean you'll be getting more writing from me?

[locallixie]

hi! love all of your reactions and scenarios <3 could i request a soft!dom felix x fem!reader? haven't seen each other in a while and felix just praising reader?

how have you been? — felix

> summary. sometimes, life and ambitions just gets in the way of relationship.

> genre. fluff, angst, smut, established relationship, long-distance relationship, boyfriend!felix, soft-dom!felix, fem!reader.

> warnings. praising, general sexual themes, body-worship, pet names, minor language.

(wc) > 2.1k

(taglist) > @jihanlovic

(sunny's note) ☆ it took a good while to come up with a plot, and it was from the most unlikely place ever.

Felix was quite a clingy boyfriend, maybe clingy was an exaggeration, but he loved being around you so much that he would always whines and pouts when you said you needed to leave. Until he left you first, ironic was it? You didn’t hear anything from him when he disappeared out of a sudden, he didn’t text or call, nothing at all.

That wasn’t him, wasn’t the Lee Felix that you knew. He would never, right? He would never do such a thing to you, especially ghosting you even though you two were still technically together. A few days, then a few weeks, then a few months, then a whole entire year of complete silence from him. So…he dumped you? You couldn't believe it, you weren't going to believe. Inside of you, the bottom of your heart, you would never accept the fact that he actually left you like that.

Why didn't you contact him first? You would, you wanted to. But every one of his social media accounts had you blocked for some unknown reason. His number was changed too, it seem. When you called, the line was out of service. And before you knew it, you had stopped trying to reach him all together.

That wasn't until one rainy day in the middle of August, incredible winds, raindrops falling from the sky throughout the entire daytime, all the way into the evening. Your phone rang, sending vibrations on the surface of your desk. Before it got a chance to jump off, you picked it up, just to see an unknown number calling you. Half expecting it to be the company you applied for calling you back with good news, the other half expecting a salesman of which you could easily hang up on.

"Hello?" You spoke first.

"[Y/N], finally!" Almost dropping you phone in utter shock and anger and relief, your hands were shaking as you tried your best not to break down. You could not be mistaking, that was, for a certain, Felix's mellow deep voice.

The other line let out a tired chuckle, "Oh God, I would've called sooner. But I couldn't, for the life of me, remember the digits to your number."

Your ears tuned out all of his rambling, as he went on and on about things you had no clues. A sniffle echoed through the telephone line, momentarily, silencing everything. Except the rain outside kept pouring with no sign of stopping, you wondered if it would rain this whole weekends too, that would be quite a pain. Maybe not as painful as his presence.

Your voice full of long-term anguish, screamed, "You asshole! What took you so long?! Why did you even bother to show up now?!"

Throat tightening, all the unspoken words of the past timespan, the things he had no time to tell you, an apology. He held back his tears, filling in with giggles to dilute the tension which resulted in little to no success. As he listened into your distressed cries, the guilts rising inside of him once more. Felix cried often, many things could easily bring him to tears. Yet, right now he couldn't shed a tear even if he desperately wanted to. Because it wasn't his turn to cry, it was yours.

"[Y/N], I..." His mind was a blank, nothing came up to be spoken as comfort. What should he do now? What could he do now?

Felix paused, then he talked to you again. "Hey, let's meet at the café near your place."

"Are you crazy? The rain will wash me away out there, and besides, how do I know that you're not going to ghost me?" You replied coldly. You were sure that you were not going to survive through this type of weather, a running nose or a cold at the very least. Crazy how that café was still opened all those years, it basically witnessed your complete relationship with Felix, ever since the beginning until this moment.

You had your first date there as well, he asked you out if you remembered correctly. You still owned the same sundress you wore that day, you got tons of compliments from Felix when he saw it. Youth years were absolutely insane, wild and stupidly in love with one another. Each time you initiated affection, each time you told each other your feelings, each time you vowed to live and die for each other. Those years were the happiest, they were dreams, they were the peace between chaos.

Felix simply assured, "I'll come pick you up then, be there in twenty."

Giving you no time to process or protest, the opposite line hung up. Caught in a state of panic and confusion, you quickly scrambled around your room as you were unsure of what to do. You looked like a hot mess, tear stains and disheveled hair, your clothes told the public that you had given up. Despite how mad you were at him, and how the weather being in absolute disorder, you still dolled up yourself for him. Putting on makeup, brushing out your hair, changing your outfit in a time crunch.

You rushed down the stairs as soon as you heard the bell rang, your hurried footsteps echoed throughout the apartment building, possibly disrupting your neighbors who also lived here. For the first time in a long while, you saw him. Holding an umbrella, patiently waiting for you to come, he was dressed in unfamiliar attire—not in his usual style, a huge improvement if you could put it as so.

“[Y/N],” Felix admired your appearance, “you look beautiful.”

You opened your own umbrella, stepping the small puddles towards him and into the rain. The walk was quiet, the air was tensed. Felix was a sociable person, but in this situation you two were in, he couldn’t start a conversation to save his failing relationship. There were so many things to say, yet no one could bring themselves to talk.

Not until you reached your destination, still on the same street, still radiated the same cozy vibes, still brought to you much nostalgia. He said his first 'I love you' here, right in this booth you two were sitting. The usual order of hot chocolate with marshmallows, too sweet but just as hot enough to filed up one's chest. The chocolate ran down its warmth inside to the stomach, grazing each and every ribs, poking at the heart. Felix loved those, he still did, and he would only order them when he is with you. To be honest, you were sweeter and warmer than any hot chocolate he ever had.

"Alright, make it quick, I have an early shift tomorrow." You told as you stirred your cup of tea in annoyance. Actually though, you wanted to stay for as long as the both of you possibly could. At the same time, you didn't want to have this conversation at all since you knew for a fact, he would make you cry.

Felix nodded, understanding your current frustration. He took a sip of hot chocolate, the marshmallow splitting under his teeth. Sweet on top of sweet, the amount of sugar that seeping into his tastebuds. Some of the cream stuck on his top lip, forming a messy mustache. Before he could get rid of it himself, as an act of habit, you were wiping it away with the tissue you had in your hand.

“Ah, um…sorry—”

“Thanks, [Y/N].” The way he spoke your name with his deep tone still stirred you up in ways you had forgotten, awfully sweet yet quite personal at times.

“Anyways,” He smiled gently, gazing up at you with the pure fondness he had since the very beginning, “How have you been?”

Slightly furrowing your brows, not too pleased with how he decided to start this conversation, it felt awkward, which shouldn't happen between two people that known each other for years already. Though there was an endearing undertone about it, first date kind of feel, like getting to know one another all over again. Hobbies, then family, then might as well get into TMI territory.

"Good, you?" You gave a short answer, expressing your bit of refusal to cooperate.

"I...um...sorry that I left so suddenly. I know that was inconsiderate of me, but I had no choice at the time." Felix apologized, running his fingers through his bleached blond hair—used to be a dark brown colour, he has gotten rid of his natural hair.

"Not even one text? I was waiting for you in the rain!" Frustrated, you exclaimed.

"I know, I know! I don't blame you for feeling upset, I swear, I'll make it up to you!" Felix pleaded.

Silence rose upon the two of you once more. He hurt you, now he was trying to mend things. Selfish of him to left you behind as he chased his dreams alone. Felix hated to admit, the fact that he actually forgot about you. Right, how could he possibly? But life just simply gets in the way of relationship, especially when he spent his time being so far away from you. He was touring around the world, the thought of you crying and begging for his return seemed to slipped his mind. Because he was having too much fun out there, fans cheering his name in grand stadiums and arenas, caught up with polishing his skills, performing on elaborate songs on multiple stages with his band members. With all these things happening around him every day and night, he forgot about you. Fame got to him, that was what the professionals would comment.

Felix quietly touched your balled up fist, "Did you do something to your hair? It suits you well."

Who were you kidding? You couldn't stay mad at him forever, your heart was too weak to make a sweetheart like him cry. Your fist loosened, letting him laced his fingers with yours. As if time stopped, everything became slow, allowed you two to savour this moment a bit longer.

"I miss you, I'm such a horrible person." Felix laid on his arm, gazing at your eyes with more admiration than he ever had.

One thing led to another, it happened faster than you expected. You were at the café, and now you two were making out on your bed. His sweet lips bound you to him for life, like a curse so cruel yet so exhilarating. Felix held you in his arms, fearing he might forget you again, therefore he held on tightly to this pure happiness. Foolishly in love, crazily in love, immensely in love with one another.

"You're an amazing person," placing a kiss on your neck, he whispered, "I have never love someone like I love you."

Trailing kisses down your bare figure, he was gentle and handled you as if you were the most delicate thing. As he went lower, his mouth kept dropping praises nonstop. His hands were shaking as they touched your body, scared that he might hurt you like he did before.

You breathed heavily, holding back a moan. Breasts, stomach, hips, thighs, rear, almost no place that could draw lewd sounds from you was left behind. His thumb pushed against your clit, immediately sending a jolt up your body. Heart beating violently against your ribcage, it was going to jump out of your chest at any given minute. With his slender finger inching bit by bit inside you, lubricated nicely by your natural wetness.

Before you know it, there were already two fingers inside of you. Going in and out as it preparing your for the main event. You could not keep your mouth shut, despite knowing your neighbours were most probably sleeping by now. Whining and moaning, you gripped at his shoulders, making marks on his soft skin. Definitely, some scandals and rumours were going to be stirred up after this.

Coming onto his fingers, already quite breathless since you haven’t gotten intimate in a while. Your stamina used to be great, you could go on for hours, but how come you were so worn out just from one round. You didn’t even got to the main part yet!

“I love you, [Y/N].” Felix told, entering you. Your walls hugging his cock, it felt like he had gotten bigger since last time.

Starting slow, then gradually building up to a faster pace that brought both of you to a new state of pleasure. Felix breathed out, “Oh God, you’re so good to me, baby.”

Each thrust told you exactly how much he missed you, how much he loved you, how much special you were to him. Though he might be in a different place every single day, no place will be as amazing as being with you. He must leave by tomorrow morning, however, he wouldn’t make the same mistake like he did earlier.

“I won’t forget how much I love you.” Said as he came into you. Pressing his lips on your forehead, patiently waiting for you to calm down from your high. Guessed you two were back on good terms.

[cherryc1nnam0n]

Coffee for your head | Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader

Summary: Eddie is in his death bed... He has so much to say...

Cw: Major angst warning!! Major character death, sad topics, illness, death bed, agonizing, little smut

Writer's note: This is based off Death Bed by Powfu. I was listening to it when coming home from work, and I wanted to write it as Eddie and you

Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

"I'm sorry, you don't have long enough... Maybe, 4 months"

That was the moment their lives changed

Only at age 25 Eddie Munson has been diagnosed with lung cancer, terminal, there was nothing the doctors could do to safe him

"Eddie... No..." You had whispered grabbing his hand

A lonely tear had left his eye without him noticing, he just let out an anguished breath

Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away

I been thinking of our future, 'cause I'll never see those days

I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it

I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect

"I would recommend enjoying the last moments you have together, do the things you love, eat what you like, just, make good memories in the mean time"

The couple had gone home in silence, quiet sobs being heard from her as she held his hand during the ride home

They had moved together 3 years ago, making a small apartment their safe home, but now it had became all moody and sad

It was no lie that Eddie smoked a lot, since he was a teen, but his cancer had been too aggressive and it was taking him out really fast

"What am I gonna do without you Eddie?" You said sobbing into his chest as he held you close to him

"Live..." You cried even harder

"I can't live without you Eddie, you're my whole life"

I been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health

When I leave this Earth, hoping you'll find someone else

'Cause, yeah, we still young, there's so much we haven't done

Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son

That night he tried to calm you down my making love to you, slow and tender, with lots of love in each move he made, his kisses filled with sorrow and pain, he knew he didn't have long to do this so he had to enjoy the moments he had you

During the days his health went downhill, he couldn't move a lot, his breathing would be different during the night, you prayed every night to whoever was out there to save him but they never seemed to answer back

Soon he had to use oxygen to breath properly, moving out of the bed was too much work as time went on

"It's almost time for me to go baby..." He had said to you one day

You had cried onto his chest, begging him not to leave you

I wish it could be me, but I won't make it out this bed

I hope I go to Heaven, so I see you once again

My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings

Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending

"I love you so much Y/n..."

"I love you too Eddie"

"You'll find someone else baby, someone who will love you so much" you shook your head

"I only want you, you're my only love"

He caressed your cheek

I'm happy that you here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up

When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up

Taking goofy videos and walking through the park

You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark

"Remember that day at the fair? When you got lost and I found you near the fountain?" You nodded "I'll find you again in another life baby"

Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep

And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03

Sundays, went to church, on Mondays, watched a movie

Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me

"You can go Eddie... Rest my love" you had finally accepted what was to come

"I love you..."

"I love you too..."

With one final smile he closed his eyes and finally left this world...

Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

[sarcasticbabywhispererjess]

*trigger warning* For those not in the headspace to see about grief and pets just skip this one.

Isis has been declining health-wise over the last year or so, more severely the past couple of months. I honestly wasn't sure she was going to make it into the new year or her birthday (a week ago). The only reason she's even been eating the last few months is because I've been making her chicken and eggs with toast and cheese twice a day. Occasionally she'll be hungry enough to eat a little dog food, but it has been rare. But the fact that she still wants to eat a majority of the time gave me solace.

Her mobility has also gotten worse. Specifically her back end. She struggles to get up on the couch... and stay on the couch when she lays down too close to the edge (she just slides off onto the floor if I don't manually move her over). Our walks are really slow going (30-45mins/mile). The last couple of days she's really been struggling and has been pretty agitated too. Just walking in circles. Yesterday I think she was doing that outside and she fell off our little patio into a small garden plot. She couldn't get herself up alone. I gave her trazodone Monday night because she was so agitated. For some reason this kills her mobility, so I had to carry her up the stairs to go potty even in the morning.

I don't mind doing all of these things for her (I haven't even mentioned the amount of indoor potty accidents I've had to clean up... which also sometimes include a bath) because I love her. But I don't think she's even remotely having a good time anymore. I thought when she stopped eating, I'd know. Or when she wouldn't go for walks, I'd know. People have been telling me that I'd know when it was time. She's still eating and going for walks, but she's so agitated at night (sometimes during the day) and just seems like she's not having a good time.

So I think it's time. Time to let her go. Which is hurting my heart so much to even think about. I know it is an act of love to stop her suffering, but to suddenly be without my only constant companion of almost 16 years is going to be so hard. I know it is selfish to be thinking of my own comfort in this situation, though I doubt it is all that unique of me.

I emailed my vet last night about the situation and they replied this morning asking me when I'd like to come in. I've been crying and torturing myself about the decision for the last two hours. To think that this time Friday or Saturday she'll be gone depending on my decision. I considered maybe we could just wait until after I finish my work week. But that means the earliest we'd probably do it would be Thursday of next week. Would it be fair to Isis to make her suffer for another week just for me? I don't think she's in any considerable physical pain, but mentally she's doesn't seem great. Like her doggy dementia is also getting worse. I considered maybe she had another UTI, but she doesn't have any other symptoms.

If I'm honest, I think in the back of my mind I'm hoping that if I wait maybe she'll just pass on her own and I won't have to make the decision. I've been back and forth between emailing the vet to set a date and emailing to say I want to wait until next week. I don't know what to do.

This venting/trauma dump has gone on way longer than I had planned. No decision has been made, but I've cried many more tears.

[nushy]

i won't be a second choice pt. 2 - alternative ending.

pairing: rockstar!Eddie x fem!reader

warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of alcohol and drugs, cheating, pregnancy, giving birth

A/N: I really had no idea where to go with this, but... we are here. I've aged up the characters obviously - so they are between 25-27 years old. I fixed it, okay.

pt. 2 of this and an alternative ending of this

...

It's been 7 months since you broke up with Eddie - since that night when you left him in the dark room, both of you broken and scared of the future.

You've already made countless of lists full of pros and cons of telling him the truth and trying to fix up everything. And you still didn't know what to do. You were sure only about one thing - you loved him and you didn't want your child to not know her father. Your little girl.

Robin and Steve were constantly telling you that they would be next to you all the time if you needed them - they would be the coolest and most supportive aunt and uncle in the world and yet... a kid needs a father, a good and caring father. And deep inside you knew that Eddie would be such, in your head you could picture him, he'd call her his little princess and would spoil her, giving her everything she wanted. The picture made you tear up.

The sudden pain took your breath away. It was around 2 am, another sleepless night for you and you were just lying in your bed. Another strong wave of pain shot through your body. You knew what that meant - the baby was coming. Shitshitshit.

It was at that moment that your mind was completely clear of what you wanted - knowing that Eddie was in town, you quickly grabbed the phone and dialed the number you knew by heart.

"Yeah..." a sleepy voice, that you knew so well, answered.

"Eddie.. it's me..." you had to stop because of the pain.

"Love!" he was wide awake, you could almost see him in his bed, up and ready to do whatever you wanted. Confused by the silence on the other end, he continued "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah... but... can you come to my house... I need to go to the hospital." it was hard for you to talk, barely being able to take a breath.

"Are you alright? Is everything okay?" you felt the panic in his voice. Damn his questions, couldn't he just come??? "I'll be there in no time." it was as if he read your thoughts. Panic washed over you as you just now realized that you haven't seen him since the break up and he had no idea of your current condition. Shit.

...

It took him half of the time that he usually needed to come to your house. He parked his car and got out. You were already at your front door with your little bag with things needed in the hospital. He froze when he saw you.

"I think I have something to tell you." you smiled weakly as another contraction hit you. He was next to you for a split second, grabbing your hand and helping you to get to the car.

"Now is not the time." he said too serious for him. You had to agree with that.

...

You thought that the contractions were bad, but this, right now, was worse. You had no idea of how much time has passed, of how many times you've pushed or of how many times you begged for this to be over. Pain was everything you felt right now... and Eddie's hand, grabbing yours in a desperate attempt to calm you.

"One more push." a nurse said too calmly for your liking. With the last drop of your strength you pushed and you knew it was over. The doctor announced "it's a healthy baby girl." and you heard her charming crying in the corner of the room.

"You did it, love. You were so strong." Eddie whispered in your ear, still holding your hand. You felt the tears streaming from your eyes.

"Eddie..." you began.

"Shh... I just want to know.. is she... am I her.." it was hard for him. You just nodded. And that's when he allowed himself to cry. You both cried, grabbing each other's hand, foreheads pressed to one another.

"I'm sorry, Eddie, please..." you tried to speak.

"No, no.. I have to beg for your forgiveness. Please, let me be in her life, in your life. You are my everything... you've been my everything always, but now.. she is too. My princesses." you were both ugly crying. "I don't think this is the proper time, but still... will you be mine forever, I don't have a ring and all of that fancy shit, but I will give you the world if I have to." Eddie said in a completely serious tone. You nodded. All of the emotions made you unable to speak, but this was enough for him.

This was enough for you. You were happy.

...

taglist: @bibieddiesgf

[giggly-squiggily]

Hello Squig! (If I can call you that lol)

I have a headcannon that Kyogai (the demon in that mansion) has been tickled by some of the upper or lower ranks after losing his own! I feel like Rui and him may have a rivalry and sometime ago it turned into a full fledged tickle fight? Idk, there's no content about my baby and it saddens me. Regardless, have a wonderful day/night!!

Headcanons To Dabbles: Officially CLOSED!

Heyo friend! :D (And of course you can call me Squig! Squig, Squiggles, Squiggily, Giggles, Giggly, etc- whatever variation of it works for me :3) OO, I haven't written for our Drummer boy yet! This is beyond cute! I've gotcha covered!

Footsteps padded along the wooden floor of his abandoned home. Kyogai would have smacked his drum and sent them flying hadn’t he recognized the smell.

Moss. Tree bark.

Rui.

“Come to mock me, Spider?” He growled, his bloodlust melding into annoyance at the presence of a lower moon in his home. He knew he should show some respect- even before he lost his number, Rui still ranked higher. But he was cranky and shamed and tired and figured Rui was only here to kill him by Muzan’s request, so he might as well go down fighting.

“You left this at the mountain.” White hands came over his shoulder, holding out a paper. Kyogai recognized it immediately, snatching it up and holding it protectively against his chest. One of his failed short stories. “Don’t litter in my territory.”

“...” Kyogai glared at the wall as he heard Rui start to leave. Then the Spider paused.

“I read it.” The drummer stiffened, waiting for judgment. 

“It was rather nice.”

When he was gone, it was only then did Kyogai let his tears fall.

~~~

“Back for another story, Spider?” Kyogai asked many months later, perking up when he saw Rui enter his domain. This was their dynamic now- Rui would come around when the mountain was empty or the demons there grew irritating, and Kyogai would welcome him with stories. He liked the child’s company- it's been far too long since a non-hostile demon showed up at his home.

“No.” Rui told him flatly, eyes glinting. “I’m here for a different thing.”

Okay- maybe he wasn’t completely non-hostile.

“Ah.” Kyogai smirked, putting aside his writings as he stood. “Very good then. You wish to fight.” Another development in their friendship it seemed; they sparred often to test each other's abilities.

Rui spread his hands, a web forming between them. His face was somber but his eyes danced. “Ready?”

Kyogai raised a hand to his drum, grinning.

Then, he tapped.

~~~

“Hooohohld on! Hohoohohold on, tihihihihihme out!” The drummer demon cackled and flailed, trying and failing to reach the drum on his belly. “Ruuhuhuuhuuhhui!”

“You never think about my webbing, do you?” Rui tsked, voice calm as he carried on scribbling along Kyogai’s ribs, sitting on his back so he couldn’t teleport away. “You tried to send me flying out of the room. Forget spider’s tend to stick everywhere?”

“Youohoohoohohu lihihihihilttle infehehehhestahahahhahasion!” Kyogai cried, cackling loudly when Rui dug into his armpits. “I’m shahahahharry! I’m shahahhahrry, I tahahhahake it bahahahhahck!”

“I got a story.” Rui declared suddenly, still tickling as his lips quirked up into a devious grin. “It’s called ‘The Drummer Man and The Pesky Spider.’ Ever heard of it? Apparently it’s a real rib tickler.”

[emsprovisions]

GM prompts!

Being distrustful of the other's bfs/gfs

Give me the goods 👀

*rubs hands together* this is gonna be a two-parter :)

Friends to lovers prompts

Part 1: Gus's Boyfriend

Matt really didn't like the new guy Gus had been hanging around with lately.

He was new in town. His family had been forced to relocate now that the Toes were permanently submerged in water. He had mainly been in the oracle track at his previous school, Metatalisman High, but had picked up illusions as well now that he was at Hexside. He'd needed a tutor and Gus had all but thrown himself at the guy.

Sure, Matt considered that Leviathan was cute, if you liked guys with two horns and a tail that is–which, come to think of it, he supposed Gus did like that sort of thing. Matt had seen Gus ogle at his brother Steve far too many times. It was sickening.

If he could just grow a blasted horn maybe Gus wouldn't have been so keen to tutor Leviathan. Maybe he wouldn't have started spending more time with Leviathan and less time with Matt. Maybe Gus wouldn't giggle like a lovesick fool every time Leviathan so much as opened his mouth. It was humiliating, honestly. The secondhand embarrassment was enough to make Matt feel sick.

"So what's the deal with you and this Leviathan guy anyways?" Matt finally said, one brisk morning in the Graveyard. Gus never blew off their Graveyard thing, even though they'd finished patching the place up a couple months ago. Maybe it was just habit now, but it was still their weekly agreement.

Gus sort of froze. He'd been picking up leaves with a rake, but Matt didn't miss how he'd nearly dropped it.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Matt stared at him expectantly.

Gus's ears were turning red. "Um. Well. I haven't really been sure how to tell you...but me and Leviathan, we're kinda going out."

Gus swallowed hard, finding it difficult to meet Matt's gaze. The air around them suddenly seemed to grow thicker. Matt suddenly found it hard to breathe. He felt like he might be sick. He didn't know why, but he wanted to cry.

The silence hung in the air between them, deafening and painful.

"Well?" Gus said after several long minutes. "Are you upset?"

Matt laughed, a hollow and joyless sound. "Why would I be upset, Porter? It's none of my business who you date. I-I was just wondering."

Matt had to stop talking because he could feel himself getting choked up. Where the hell was this coming from anyways? Gus was his friend, nothing more. Just because Gus got a boyfriend it didn't mean anything.

Except Matt was scared for what it meant for him. What if Gus didn't want to hangout with him anymore? What if they stopped talking? What if Gus abandoned him just like everyone else in his life. It was inevitable, really. Poor little Matt Tholomule, always abandoned and alone. Even Steve had left, hadn't he?

Matt screwed up his eyes, all the familiar taunts from Glandus flooding his memory. He turned around because he didn't want Gus to see him like this.

"Matty?" Gus's gentle hand was like an anchor on his back. Matt whipped around, angry, frustrated tears leaking out of his eyes.

"It's none of my business, okay! Date who you want, I don't care!"

"Matty." Gus's soft, concerned eyes peered into his. "You're my best friend, above everyone else except, like, Willow. That's not gonna stop just because I'm going on a few dates with this guy. You're not losing me, okay?"

Matt just began to cry even harder, unable to even control it at this point. How did Gus know why he was upset? How could Gus read him so well. He was pulled into Gus, Gus's arms wrapping around his back, a hand reaching up to cradle his head. Matt clung onto the front of Gus's shirt and cried into his shoulder like the pathetic weakling Bria and the other bullies had always said he was.

Only, he saw Steve cry a lot recently. Steve was the strongest person he knew. Maybe crying didn't make you weak after all.

Later that night, as he lay in bed and thought about it all, he couldn't stop coming back to Leviathan. There was just something about him. He was too polite. He was too sweet. He was too thoughtful. Matt rolled over onto his side, staring at the opposite wall of his bedroom. He just didn't think Leviathan was good enough for Gus.

Link to Part 2

[letkirillfight]

15 people 15 questions

thanks for the tag @babygirlspurgeon, @masonshaws, @giveemgreef, and @babygirlboberrey

1. are you named after anyone?

I share my middle name with my mom.

2. when was the last time you cried?

A couple days ago. The last month has been a bit rough.

3. do you have kids?

No and never will.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

I played soccer when I in like elementary school and then did a season of tennis in like high school. Low-key hated doing both of them. I'm not really one for playing sports unless it's the sort of casual pick up game with friends. I much prefer to watch.

5. do you use sarcasm?

Yes, religiously.

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?

I'm going to be honest I am not self aware enough to know the answer to this one. But probably their outfit if I had to guess.

7. what's your eye color?

I always say gray.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

To my endless annoyance my brain is absolutely the worst while watching scary movies, like the most obviously built up jump scare will still spook me, so happy endings I guess.

9. any talents?

Uh, I'm really good at packing? And I'm pretty good with horses? I don't know, my mind kind of blanked on anything I have ever been good at when I read this.

10. where were you born?

Michigan

11. what are your hobbies?

I am a huge nerd and also a grandmother (this is not a slight towards grandmothers). I love watching movies and binging tv shows and have an extensive dvd collection because they will tear physical media from my cold dead hands. I also love playing video games and really want to build my own desktop one of these days towards that end. I will read anything that looks half interesting and have also lost many an hour to writing whatever idea pops into my head. I crochet, can technically knit, and am learning how to spin yarn and sew beyond basic mending. I also play sudoku, solitaire (spider specifically), and do puzzles. Plus like hiking and traveling to occasionally get out of the house. Oh and hockey.

12. do you have any pets?

Nope. I grew up with a wide variety of animals but have yet to get one of my own. Someday I'm considering getting a cat or two but we'll see.

13. how tall are you?

I am 5'5".

14. favorite subject in school?

History, followed closely by English. This probably has just as much to do with my teachers as the actual subject material as those classes were really fun.

15. dream job?

None lol. I dream of financial stability not working. If I had to pick something though it would probably be something physical. I like being able to say "I made that" or something with horses. I loved working with them before. Most realistically though it wouldn't be one thing. I like the idea of being a jack of all trades type and bouncing around learning how to do a bunch of things.

tagging: @wildrangers, @eis-hockey,@kirill-kaprizovs-curls,@cecishockeyblogging, @jonassiegenthighler, @lindholmline, @carpehistoryandthepens, @stanleyoffseventh, @couthbbg, @dwisp, @devils-wild, @thecardiackids, @wehaveagathering, @flaticeball, @oetter if y'all want to do it and haven't already done so. Plus anyone else who sees this and is interested consider yourself tagged.

[fridaysjournal]

★ friday's journal entry - oct.19th

While I wait to get my hands on Catching Fire, I checked out two other books in the meantime.I got Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein' and 'My Year Of Rest and Relaxation' by Ottesa Moshfegh, so far so good-really good! I'm pretty sure I'll read MYORAR a lot quicker than Frankenstein because I really have to focus on what I'm reading because I haven't read many books from 1818 so you know amateur reader or whateveh. There isn't much going on this October/ Halloween for me so reading Frankenstein has me feeling spooky. Shout out to the Libby App! I did go to a pumpkin patch earlier this month but it felt rushed too many things to do that day so I had to hustle outta there.Made my roomie watch Hannibal with me, this is my 3rd time watching I think, her first time watching and she asked right away what was with the gay tension in the air- I would like to pick up where I left off with Gravity Falls asap, I was very excited about re-watching when I started it about a week ago.I think I left off on the Summerween episode.I just need access to my family's Hulu account again-

POV this is where I got heated in the moment while writing and I rant at you about certain streaming services

You know it really grinds my gears that we pay for all these flipin streaming services, multiple streaming platforms because these companies are so damn greedy and stingy they already have ads and now I have pay more so I can share my account with family whaaatttt that is so crazy.Crazy because we were all trying to escape the advertisements in the first place from cable and now we gotta deal with it anyway.Maybe physical media really is the way.Netflix when I catch you..I mean they already have so many people angry at them for other reasons like I don't know uh not giving Julie and the Phantoms a second season.Me.Its Me.I'm the angry people.My friends and roommates are the angry people too.In exchange for making my roommate watch Hannibal with me she got me to watch JATP and it was so good,I was distraught I tell you when I found out there was no second season-I cried real tears people! "Unsaid Emily" that’s all I have to say.. just stfu rn... “its because the ratings and views were low” blah blah blah shhhuuuttttt uuuuuppppp NETFLIX WHEN I CATCH YOU.

Also I got a potential fic [or one shot.. do people still use that to describe a short fic] not sure anyways its in the works at the moment I have 2 rough drafts like two versions of it. I've just been racking my brain with the idea and it might be a little basic to some but idc idc. It's going to be a fnaf mike schmidt x reader... -erm ..maybe I say maybe to the "x reader" cause I kinda wanted it to be "x OC " but at the same time I don't know clearly I cannot make up my mind right now.Def want it to be a slow burn and like childhood/old friends to lovers- we also love enemies to lovers but I want to see how it goes..decisions decisions but anyways if there's still any baddies out there that love fnaf/mike/josh hutcherson I'll be whipping up something good very soon,I hope y'all enjoy it once I post it of course heheh updates soon! Maybe I’ll post a snippet of it Thanks for reading!

-Friday

[kaijusnz]

Vent (tumors, etc.)

:read more:

Just found out the other day that one of my cats has an aggressive tumor and has a few weeks to a few months left.

I thought this was going to be a good year but everything is awful now. I keep forgetting he's going to die and then I remember and everything restarts. I can't go 5 minutes without feeling like I'm gonna break down in tears, but I haven't cried in front of anyone in so long that I just hold it all in until night and I silently break down.

Can't stop crying and can barely get to sleep because my stomach and chest keep burning.

I thought he had so many years left in him but he won't even be here in a year. Really hoping he makes it to his birthday which is a little over a month away.

I've always been someone who has anxiety over things with a set date and waiting for that date to come and this is so much worse because I don't know when it's going to happen.

I'm scared of being the one to find him when he's gone. I'm scared of how his brother is going to react with him gone. This is so hard to write.

Through the years I've always gotten sad and cried over the idea of losing one of my cats but I didn't think it would ever actually happen, even though I know they can't live forever.

This has always been one of my worst fears and now it's happening.

Part of it doesn't feel real. Like I keep thinking in a few days he's gonna feel better and everything will go back to normal. But there's never gonna be normal again.

It's a tumor that's super aggressive, it can't be removed, can't do chemo. The only thing that can shrink it a little is a steroid shot which he'll be getting soon but god I would do anything to make him better.

I wish it was me who got a tumor instead. He doesn't deserve this. I've had him since I was 8 and I can't imagine life without him.

I keep thinking about all the shows coming out this year that I've been looking forward too and now I wish time would just stop.

This doesn't feel real but it hurts so much. Please let a miracle happen that magically takes away his tumor. Or maybe they were wrong and he's gonna be okay. I can't do this.

Idk if I'll be active much.