#I haven't contacted a doctor
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smalllonelyegg · 1 year ago
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so tired of the everything :(((
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disdaidal · 9 months ago
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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#tw suicide#no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours#personal#its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me#because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in#hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters#and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why#editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there#so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least
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fancysasquatch · 3 months ago
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My old HRT prescription finally ran out last week, and I'm still wait-listed by all the clinics in the area, so I was scrambling to find somewhere to get a stop-gap prescription. Planned Parenthoods are usually quick (I was picking up my first prescription within 90 minutes of walking in the door) but none of the ones near me offer in-office trans healthcare, and all the online appointments are booked out the next few weeks. Getting anything shipped from online prescription/pharmacy sites takes too long. I ended up deciding to just find the closest Planned Parenthood with open slots for in-person appointments. It wound up being the El Paso clinic.
The irony of having to go to Texas for transgender healthcare was not lost on me.
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tchotchkez · 6 months ago
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damn y'all work really does got me Tired About Eyeballs
#living the optician in training life#I am literally so tired#human interaction at a new job is especially draining#I know I'll get used to it soon but GODDAMN man#some folks are just so skeezy#no you cannot have free trial contacts when your prescription expired 4 years ago and you haven't even been in for an exam#why not? because you are Stupid and if you fuck something up while wearing the expired prescription and we gave it to you#then your dumb ass will blame us and we will be sued#it may be a prescription for your eyes but IT IS STILL A MEDICAL PRESCRIPTION THAT YOU MUST RECEIVE FROM A DOCTOR#you can't go to your doctor and ask for medicine for an illness you had 4 years ago#so why would you expect different from us?#shit changes in 4 years#the audacity of some if these ignorant entitled fuckos#and we have a really affordable basic deal on an exam and two pairs of eyeglasses!#70 bucks for the whole shebang!#it's almost always better than what insurance covers!#and then people want to get all the add ons and special materials and go full on surprised pikachu face when it's not the same price anymore#they're called add ons because they ADD ON#they are not usually necessary unless you live a certain lifestyle that makes them worth the investment#but if you need something affordable in order to see and function and not end up killing yourself driving#then the basic plan is an insanely good and affordable deal!#i used the very same deal prior to being hired!#i have my main glasses and a whole ass backup pair#and some people just#do not get it#they think they can get something ~special~ or that their insurance just HAS to be better bc it's insurance#please you guys learn to think freely and critically#okay rant over#tate talks#work tales
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izzy-b-hands · 3 months ago
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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ineed-to-sleep · 2 years ago
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hope your surgery went well!
It did, thanks!! The first couple of days were rough, I could barely open my eyes fjfkkfkckf but I'm fine now, vision is still a little bit blurry but I can look at my phone and read and everything!!
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year ago
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im finally going to replay y0...
#it's been a little over 2 years#and ive never replayed any of the games before so im very interested in what this is gonna be like#i just played them slowly and in order + lad ishin at the end#i kinda wanted to do the judgments first but uh. they're never on sale <3#someday though#ugh im nervous though#not about this but like. ok real ones will remember that a couple of months ago i mentioned i finally asked my mom for like. mental health#assistance that wasnt her telling me to stop spiralling. the two appointments we could do were like. next week or october#i technically have enough time to get my shit together but ive also like. never talked to an actual doctor about this stuff before#and she kept asking me if i could be more specific than 'general longterm mental health issues' (and anxiety which she added)#but like. i dont wanna tell her Shit about that yknow#especially not like. just woken up at 2pm no preparation#also she added anxiety on her own. so you KNEW it was an issue and you didn't fucking do anything about it? at all??#truthfully i don't think it's nearly as big of an issue as before. i get stressed about stuff sure but it's pretty circumstantial#like these days i dont have anxiety about much of anything because im not trying to decide my entire future between 8 hour days in the#bright lights and eye contact factory#girl you don't have any idea what we're getting into by doing this#anyway if i get an ocd diagnosis that'll be the most awkward because that's the only one they actively joke about and that i've butted head#with them on. (i mean theyre also shit to npd/aspd ppl i just haven't chewed them out for it yet bc every time i do that i end up useless#for the rest of the day at least and i gotta pick my battles)#and idek what i wanna do about the Probably Autism going on man. i've been thinking about doing foster care/adoption for years now#when im older/if im ever financially stable. a diagnosis could basically nuke my options for that#but they'd NEVER believe a self diagnosis#whatever FUCK JT ITS YAKUZING TIME!!!!!!!!!#OH AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME DOING ONE ON LEGEND#which im nervous about bc i never really play stuff on anything but normal#so uh. 😬😬
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roiiibintheibis · 1 year ago
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same
I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them
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billgenbrough · 28 days ago
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As AJR once said
Oh, I'm spiraling now
#atlas adventures#started as an annoyance at a stupid app for being broken for the last two years and being worse this week#turned into “i need meds again” to “i can't even get into a doctor because my mom's availability conflicts with most doctor's hours”#like i have a standing appointment every friday at 2 which is not able to be moved due to my therapist's availability#and my mom only has fridays and saturdays off starting this week#and every doctor's office that ISN'T a complete shitshow is minimum 45 minutes away so i can't go on fridays unless it's early as FUCK#i'm actually about to start screaming and sobbing. i can't fucking do this anymore#the nurse at my therapy office told me she'd contact me roughly around this week to see if i can get in with their main psychiatrist#since the np was a fucking SHITSHOW (i've posted about it before. it was BAD)#and i haven't heard back and i'm going on two months 100% unmedicated. hormonal AND psychotropic#i'm actually losing my fucking mind#i'm becoming morr manic than i've been in probably a few YEARS#it's just all internal doom spiraling so my mom hasn't noticed that “hey my child is about to fucking SNAP”#“maybe i should call that doctor i promised to call in MAY because my child can't get in with their old quack gp anymore”#i still need to call the hospital i saw the quack endo at to see if they take my new insurance and if they have any other endos there#because i do better mentally on hormone meds than on psychotropic apparently. didn't expect that but whatever#main problem with the hormonal correction meds is that it makes me dysohoric as fuck. but when am i NOT dysphoric anymore#everything else is better mentally with my hormonal. the mania (that i didn't even process as hypomania until recently tbh) the depression#i need at LEAST my fucking hormonals before i lose my fucking SHIT#none of this is normal none of this is normal
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fridayyy-13th · 3 months ago
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i think if i can make it through tomorrow's classes i can use the weekend to play catch-up with all the work i'm behind on. emphasis on the think, bc there Definitely isn't precedent for this sort of thing from me. and there Definitely isn't nearly an entire week's worth of unfinished stuff i need to do. :P
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tidepoolalgae · 5 months ago
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you'd think that technology would make pharmacies and doctors be able to communicate better, not cause more issues
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liebelesbe · 9 months ago
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oh btw. I haven't called my insurance BUT I checked & my two days in between my Krankmeldungen should be fine bc you need to have your next Krankmeldung on the next WERKTAG and since it was Sonntag and a Feiertag I'm literally fine and it's fine
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purlturtle · 1 year ago
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Conflict avoidant not because I don't think I don't deserve to stand up for myself; conflict-avoidant because it is so fucking tiring and I just. can't.
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rafeandonlyrafe · 9 days ago
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normal procedure
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words: 2.1k
warnings: 18+ only!!, dubcon, gynecologist!rafe, patient!reader, virgin!reader, gyno exam, fingering, p in v sex, protected sex
a/n: we can pretend that this is a roleplay scenario because obviously no real doctor would do this, lets all take a breath and remember this is fanFICTION aka not real or an endorsement by me (or my readers) of anything in this story
“oh, um-” you gulp, blinking as the fluorescent lights shine down on you.
“your feet ma’am.” he repeats, tapping the stirrups. you lift your legs, well aware that you're lacking any sort of underwear underneath your hospital gown.
your doctor secures your legs in the straps before his eyes drift to your center, now on display with your parted thighs.
you gasp and pull your gown down to somewhat cover yourself.
“ma’am, i assure you this is all part of the normal exam.”
“i-i-” you swallow thickly, blinking again, swearing the lights are only getting brighter, hotter, as a bead of sweat forms and falls on your forehead. “what's your name?”
“im doctor rafe cameron. certified gynecologist. you can just call me rafe though.” he explains softly. “and there is no need to be nervous.”
“okay… how long have you been a gynecologist?”
“asking all these questions is just going to delay what we need to get done.” rafe says. “shall we begin?”
“i suppose.” you nod. you know usually girls wait until after they have sex for the first time to visit, but with your twenty first birthday coming up as still a virgin, you decided you might as well stop delaying the inevitable.
“im just going to lift your gown.” rafes hands are slow and gentle as he brings the hem up, revealing your bare cunt to him.
“does it all… look okay?” you question. 
“you look perfect.” rafe says, his voice lowering in tone as he reaches for his gloves, pulling the latex over his long, slender fingers.
“okay.” you nod. surely a doctor would know. it lessens your anxiety the tiniest bit.
“im going to touch you now, okay?” rafe looks up at you, and his eye contact holds you still, blue eyes gleaming with intensity as they look into your brown ones.
“y/f/n?” 
“oh, yes.” you nod quickly. “yes, that's fine.”
rafe hums, the corner of his mouth turning up into a smirk. “so if i read your chart correctly, you haven't had sex yet?”
“no, s-sir.” you shake your head, eyes moving to the ceiling to avoid that captivating gaze, even if the fluorescents make your eyes hurt.
rafe mutters something under his breath, but you're sure your ears are just playing tricks on you. no way he would whisper “perfect” to himself. surely he's a professional.
rafe lays two fingers on your inner thigh and your entire body jolts, the gloves cold against your bare skin.
“it's okay.” rafes other hand rests on your thigh, rubbing gently with his thumb. “im going to begin the exam, if you feel any discomfort at any point just tell me.”
“okay.” you nod, and you swear despite the chilly gloves, his touch leaves a trail of fire as he brings his two fingers closer to your pussy, before suddenly swiping through your folds.
“oh!” you squeal out, hips lifting slightly before pushing back down.
“it's a normal bodily reaction.” rafe assures you before you can even feel embarrassment.
rafes fingers swipe through again, but at least you're expecting it this time. you blink quickly, trying to keep yourself calm as his other hand moves to join in examining your cunt.
“just going to use my thumbs to look around. let me know if it gets to be too much.”
just as rafe said, his thumbs begin to pull and poke at your skin. you move your gaze from the ceiling back down to rafe, seeing the same intensity in his eyes but now focused on your pussy.
“im going to touch you some place that may make you feel… fervent. please know that any reaction your body may have is normal and all part of the exam.” rafe places his thumb directly over your bud, and your body lights up like a firework.
you don't even realize you're moaning until the side of rafes mouth quirks up again into that signature smirk.
“oh!” you squeal again. “oh my god, im so sorry.”
“it's all normal.” rafe assures you. he gives you a moment to get used to the pressure on your clit, simply touching it with the pad of his thumb before he begins to swipe over it, stimulating your clit while his eyes move back and forth between your pussy and your face contorted in pleasure.
“is this supposed to feel so good?” you question. you didn't do much research on what actually happens when you get in the gynecologists chair, but you swear what you've heard from friends is that the exam isn't comfortable.
“yes.” rafe says simply, and you have no reason to not take his word as truth. “my thumb is going to stay there as i insert a finger.”
you nod, glad to have the distraction of his thumb moving around your clit, even if your cheeks flush with embarrassment as you grow wetter.
“hm, looks like i won't need any external lubricant.” rafe looks up at you. “sometimes i have to with virgins. but your pussy is perfect.”
“thank you?” your thought process is quickly shut off as rafes finger prods at your entrance, getting his gloves significantly wet.
“sorry if this is cold, but i have a feeling you'll warm me up quickly.” rafe pushes his finger inside slowly, and you have to tilt your head back and squeeze your eyes closed to keep more sounds from coming out of your mouth.
“does it all feel normal?” you're well aware at your voice must sound strained as rafes finger rubs against your inner walls.
“yes.” rafe says, this time his voice having an air of shakiness to it. “you're tight, but it's to be expected from a virgin.”
“s-sorry about that.” you can't tell if rafes emphasis on the word is negative or positive. “i didn't see myself losing it anytime soon so i scheduled my appointment.”
“and why is that darling?” rafe questions, his voice a purr as he begins to move his finger in and out in slow strokes.
“why am i a virgin? uhh…” you trail off. “i guess just haven't found the right guy yet.”
in truth, the whole idea of sex gets you nervous. hopefully after getting assurances that everything works okay down there, it'll be one less thing to be anxious about.
“we can take care of that today if you'd like.”
the thumb stroking over your clit flicks upward suddenly, making your hips jump up, legs straining in their spread position.
“what do you mean?” you ask, feeling and hearing rafes finger speed up, your slickness making it easier and easier for him to move.
“i can take your virginity. it's part of my duties as your doctor. only if you'd like, it's an optional part of the exam.”
“you mean like… insert something in me?”
“yes, my cock.” rafe smirks as he pulls his finger out, tapping against your wetness and letting the sound spread through the exam room.
“oh!” you look at rafe to make sure he's serious, but his expression doesn't convey any sort of joking around. “gynecologists do that?”
“for our virgin patients if they'd like. id wear a condom of course and take your virginity so it's less of an ordeal for you. and i can assure everything is working fine.”
“and by everything you mean…”
“making you cum.” rafes thumb applies a bit more pressure to your clit. “although you're already not far off, are you?”
“wouldn't know.” you can feel something growing in the pit of your stomach, an unfamiliar feeling you can't quite place.
“what do you say y/f/n?”
“s-sure.” you nod. “if this is all normal, i guess it's fine.”
“great.” rafe smiles, before looking down at your cunt. “ill have to work two fingers into you before fu- helping you lose your virginity.” he explains.
thankfully, his thumb keeps tapping and pressing down on your sensitive bud as a second finger lathers itself in your wetness, sliding through your folds before dipping into your cunt.
his finger are barely an inch inside before they're back out. “you'll have to excuse me for going one handed for a second.”
rafes thumb moves away from your clit, and you're about to cry out for more, immediately missing the feeling, when rafes mouth drops and his tongue takes its place.
“doctor!” you shout.
“all normal.” rafe assures you, his lips already shining with your juices. “taste is an important part of the exam too. and you're very sweet.”
you watch as rafes head dips again, his mouth working on your cunt as his two fingers that you hadn't even realized have been pushed inside of you begin to move.
rafes free hand reaches for his pants, pushing them down to get his already hard cock out. he begins to stroke as his tongue licks at your clit, fingers opening you up.
you feel another jolt of pressure when his fingers spread to scissor and close, scissor and close, working your gummy walls open for him.
rafe presses a series of wet, sloppy kisses over your cunt before restraining himself and pulling back, licking greedily over his lips to not waste your taste.
“are you ready?” rafe asks, reaching into a drawer to get a condom.
“yes.” you nod quickly. you're more than desperate now for his cock, especially as his fingers slide out and leave you empty to squeeze around nothing.
rafe stands up, bringing his cock up into your sight line. your eyes widen when you see he's much longer and thicker than his two fingers that were already a tight fit inside you.
“don't worry.” rafe says as he tears the foil of the condom before getting the rubber out and rolling it down his length. “im gonna take good care of you.”
your hips already sit at perfect height as rafe steps between your legs. you would close them out of shyness if it was at all possible.
rafe taps his tip over your clit, making you moan out, but you don't bother to hold back, not when rafe lets out a moan as well.
“the room is completely noise proof, and sounds are nothing to be embarrassed by.” rafe assures you as he rubs his cock against your pussy, thoroughly wetting himself before pushing against your entrance.
it's a slow push to break the ring of muscle, and then an easy slide once he's in.
“h-holy shit.” you whine out, hands gripping the side of the bed as rafes hips immediately begin to swing in and out.
“any pain?”
“none.” you answer quickly. there's no hiding the intense pleasure being brought to your body, especially when rafes thumb retakes its place on your clit.
“there ya go.” rafe smiles as he feels your cunt flutter around his cock. “i can tell you're getting close.”
rafe glances at the clock, wishing he could fuck you for longer, but if he extends the time for the exam too long the nurses will surely get suspicious.
“how does it f-ffffffff-” your ability to speak briefly lapses when rafes thrust speed up. “feel for you?” you manage to complete your sentence.
“your pussy feels amazing. you're so tight and warm. any guy would be lucky to be inside of you.” rafe says, his hips moving faster, desperate to cum. “perfect.”
you are practically glowing underneath the praise and impending orgasm, rafes thumb moving faster with real purpose now.
your head tips back and before you know it, a wash of light and pleasure has taken over your body, and you're moaning and twitching as what you're certain is your high breaks.
“that's it.” rafe smiles, feeling your pussy flutter around him, clit pulsing with the strength of your orgasm as he thrusts harder into your pussy, putting all his might into helping you ride out your orgasm and spur on his own.
rafe lodges his cock as deep inside of you as he can as he cums, briefly cursing the barrier of the condom from preventing himself from flooding your womb.
“very- good.” rafe pants, pulling out extra slow despite the clock ticking down, watching as your hole squeezes back tight as he pulls out.
rafe discards the condom and then his soaked gloves, sticky with your wetness before tucking himself back into his pants.
“take all the time you need.” rafe undoes the stirrups and let's your legs flop down. “ill come check on you in five minutes, i need to see if my other patient is here.”
and just as quickly as he entered, rafe leaves the room, leaving you with your pussy a sloppy mess and heart beating fast.
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threadmonster · 1 year ago
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Yo anyone happen to know how to treat really dry eyes because jfc my eye is hurting and burning and every physician goes "your eyes look good, just use some eye drops"
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