#I haven't changed it since I made this blog like 12 years ago

[choicesficwriterscreations]

July Creator of the Month: Eadanga

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @eadanga

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Tumblr Blog Name: Eadanga How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Esang

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I don't remember the year, but I started playing when it was only The Crown & The Flame, The Freshman, and Most Wanted. I thought it was a rip-off of Episode because many apps like that exist. The first book I started playing was The Crown & The Flame, and then I got bored of it, so I tried The Freshman, and I was hooked. Been playing ever since 😃

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined about four years ago. I was in a Choices group on Facebook and saw people sharing fanfics. I first thought it was an ad, but when I looked, it was a fanfic, and it was amazing. That's when I joined so I could read more, and then I posted one of my own that I wrote.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

Literally, it's just my name. I didn't think I'd be here long, not to mention posting. It's the first letter of my name, Esang, and my last name, Adanga. Maybe one day I'll change it 🤣😂

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

This was my first post. I saw people making stories in the Choices group and decided to make one of my own. I didn't think it would get much attention, but it did 😁

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

I write fanfiction, but I’m not really good at making art, lol

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

Let's see, I think I started in 2020. Choices is the only fandom I write for.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

The Freshman and The Royal Romance will always be my number one favorite books to read and write for 😁

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

This was my favorite, and I'll never change anything about it. It is so romantic, hehe 😍

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

This one wrote it for @flowerpowell, and even though she doesn't post anymore, it was so much fun to write something for her. 

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

It's definitely my Deepest Desire series. I didn't expect people to enjoy it, especially @littlegreenmoo, who was having a field day with that series 🤣. Chris's Journal could have been better; a little bit more detail would have made it pop.

11- (WRITERS) If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

I hate angst, and I haven't written smut since my Deepest Desire series 🤣 so fluff all the way. I love happy endings 😁

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

I put some of me in my MCs, like when they're cooking, cause I love to cook 😁

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Keeping up with a schedule. I make one, but then real life gets in the way, and I gotta change it.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Eternal Love, I haven't written for that in a long time. I just got caught up with other fanfics, and then you lose inspiration, but I will get back to it one day.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

Yes, I would love to show them, but I've shown my work without people asking. I've shown my best friend my work; she didn't ask. I just showed it to her, and she enjoyed it. I've shown my mom, too. She constantly told me to send it somewhere and get paid even though I only write for fun, not as a job. I stopped showing her after that because she was tired of hearing that.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

@maxattackpowell and @drivenbyfantasy are both no longer here, but their fanfics inspired mine. I’m grateful to both of them for that. 

17- (WRITERS)  Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

The Graduate would make a great movie or Choices book, hehe.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

Choices is my first fandom.

19-  What other hobbies do you have?

I love cooking and baking, watching anime (I'm a total anime nerd 🤣), spending time with my baby @choicesgodfanatic, reading Archie comics, watching cartoons, praise dancing, and writing episode stories. 

20- BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to)

Thanks to everyone who enjoys all my stories, and don't ever worry about me leaving cause I'm here to stay. Choices is why I met my amazing love @choicesgodfanatic. It's part of our love story, and I'll never give up on it.

Plus, I've met some wonderful people here and never want to leave them. So glad you all enjoy my fanfics, and look out for many more cause more is coming your way 😁

[sadistpet]

MUNDAY QUESTIONS.

@mjm5655:

☀ ━ how long have you been roleplaying? how did you get into it?

oh my god okay i think since like. 2012...? i forgot the url of my first ever blog so i can't confirm, it might've been like december 2011, but definitely since 2012. so about 12 years ! i initially got into it via ask blogs which ykno. were all the rage back then. so that was my first roleplay... foray ig ?? i don't think i made a real roleplay blog until later, which was for a pokémon self insert oc of all things, but i'm prrrretty sure i deleted the blog years ago so i can't verify that, BUT i'm fairly sure because my initial ask blogs were pokémon themed.

so yeah ^-^ tldr about twelve years or so, and i got into it via pokémon ask blogs !

@viruslearnt:

♕ uwu ( which fictional characters are your favorites? )

GOD I HAVE TOO MANY. um. WAIT I FORGOT i have the perfect image for this here's my objectively correct mgs tier list that im not taking criticism on my partner said my category names were very raikovcore of me. and its true. but in WORDS raikov of course, raiden is also lovely little babie boy i love how bpd coded he is. i also love fortune and sniper wolf and eva because wamen. i love ocelot particularly in mgs3 because he's so autistic coded and silly and i love liquid snake because there's something wrong with me psychologically. otacon is so cringe nae nae baby but i adore him even though i want to scream whenever he speaks. i think those are my main ones

non-mgs wise though and more in general ? leo kasper from manhunt 2 ( who i also have a blog for because i have the impulse control of a hamster ), GLaDOS from portal, lisa garland from silent hill 1-3, mary from ib, clive dove from professor layton, and i think there's probably more but i fogor

@iobartach:

✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played

oh god. um. i genuinely think raikov is at the top of the list. writing him usually comes super easily to me, and that's not something i've experienced in a LONG time. it's genuinely such a fun experience to write him and i love the followers and friends i've gained from it. i really like the lore i've built for him and the intricacies i'm slowly weaving into his character. he's so silly and i care him very bad and i want to write him for a long time <3 um. let me look at my list

OH MY GOD YES tiff tannen from back to the future. like raikov she basically existed as a joke / throwaway line until she showed up in the comics, and i took that bitch and put everything i had into her. there's some shit i handled poorly and some stuff i'd change, but that community was so chill and she holds a special place in my heart. i might revive her blog one day. OH YEAH and if you google tiff tannen my rp blog still shows up on the first page

um. im gen not sure who else. i don't remember a lot of my time writing other muses. probably like some of my historical muses, or. yeah i cant remember. maybe my fnaf oc because that was the first time i got fanart of an oc and i felt like the gods themselves had bestowed it upon me

回 ━ what are your top four favorite shows?

chernobyl hbo is my favourite show ever of all time and it is the best show ever of all time factually contractually legally clinically and undisputably. i genuinely love every single facet of that show. it's what inspired me to get into researching nuclear radiation and that's what eventually led me to meet my partner ! i love that show so much it changed my life literally. i cried so hard. if you haven't watched it please do so on your platform of choice ( legal or no ) because it's genuinely amazing

neon genesis evangelion is probably one of my favourite shows ever of all time too, it hit so close to home and i'm obsessed with it. and even though none of the characters canonically have personality disorders, i find asuka and shinji to be super good representations of hpd and avpd respectively, which is great because you usually never see those anywhere ! it's so good. i also loved serial experiments lain but it hit too close to home in a way that i never want to watch it ever again because i think it will do irreparable damage to my psyche. but i really enjoyed it !

OTHERWISE i'm actually not much of a... show girlie. i like friday night dinner though i literally forgot it existed until my beloved mentioned it right now. um. most of the stuff i watch is like hell's kitchen, four in a bed, don't tell the bride, that type of shit because i'm apparently 47 years old. i have been watching dorohedoro, chainsaw man, and spy x family with my partner though !

[20dollarlolita]

Going to do a lolita challenge that The Random Lolita posted 12 years ago. I'm going to be spacing these out, but it seemed like it'd be fun.

I picked this because it's not coord-heavy and so that means more people could join in if they want. I've wanted to do this for quite a while, but always kind of found other people's annoying to read. Since tumblr has a decent blacklist function now, you can just block "20dollarlolita 30daylorlolita challenge" to avoid reading this.

Day 1) 10 things about your lolita bubble.

Not going to lie, I didn't do this one for the longest time because I didn't really get what "your lolita bubble" meant, and I didn't want to start this on the wrong foot. But I read some other people's things and it's apparently just things that are about how you interact with the concept of lolita fashion.

So here goes: 1) my lolita bubble is a mess right now. In addition to being non-weight bearing on my foot, which is making all lolita difficult, there's also some interesting things happening in the local community that I'm in. 2) I'm so used to being the lone lolita that it feels very strange to me to be so wrapped up in what other people in my area are doing. I was lone lolita for the first 10+ years I was in the fashion, and have only had a local community for a year or so. I changed jobs last year, and part of the reason was that I wasn't allowed to have a flexible day off and had to use my PTO any time I wanted a day off that wasn't a tuesday or wednesday. I would have quit over the disrespect that this issue was handled with, but the reason that this was initially brought up was because my lolita meets were not happening on weekdays. 3) I'm into lolita fashion because it allows me to be creative, to craft new things, and to build new things. I love buying pieces that are missing components and then rebuilding those components.

Okay, line break, 4) I'm currently working on a bunch of projects, including resizing a JSK for a friend. I had to replace a broken zipper and add a shirring panel. I absolutely love how shirring panels make sewing lolita so much more accessible, because if the fit isn't completely right, you know the panel will compensate. I had to add a little bit on the sides, which one of the waist ties was sacrificed for. I'm trying to figure out how to turn the existing one waist tie into two so that the dress will have ties still.

5) I got into lolita in a really difficult time in my life. As is often the case with serious chronic mental illness, mine developed when I was in my very early 20's, which was right after I decided to get into lolita fashion. I really want to make a dress with the words, "Live through this and you won't look back," on it, but i've never had the right time or design to do it. 6) I love looking through old lolita blogs. I love looking at tutorials from 2007. I love how much of the more early western lolita scene is archived on livejournal. I love the privacy of lolita discord and the safety it's offered, but I always hope that people will archive tutorials somewhere public for the future generations. 7) I have a werid amount of guilt around the fact that I bought an embroidery machine a year ago and still haven't ever made a border print on it. I make a lot of patches but I've never done a border embroidery. 8) One of my favorite archived lolita things is the argument over that BTSSB flower crown and the person who kept insisting that she be given the contact info of a stranger who bought it so that they could ask it to be sold to them. 9) I think that most of the time when someone says that a dress doesn't look good without the waist ties that, if you dig into what they say, they hate fat people. Maybe this isn't true anymore, but it used to go hand in hand.

10) I spend a lot of time on this blog waiting for everyone to realize that i'm a giant asshole and to leave me alone. I'm grateful for everyone who is willing to stick around even when I say stuff like #9. I love how people are willing to come and tell me that they're glad there's a lolita tumblr that's still highly active, and that I've helped them. I went from doing this blog for me, specifically to give myself an excuse to make more lolita fashion, to being able to tailor posts to the needs of other people and a general audience. I have been going through some additional shit recently, and I didn't have enough time to do both this and my youtube channel, and we can see which one I picked.

Bonus thing: 11) I really want to figure otu how to do a stage transformation dress (cinderella dress) in lolita. The magic of somehow going from old school gothic to ott sweet or something would be so cool, even though it couldn't actually happen like it does in my mind.

Anyway, y'all let me know if you'd rather I stick to normal content and do the rest of this on my personal blog. BTW @handcraftedplumbingnightmares is my personal blog, if anyone wants it.

[calliecat93]

Well, we're at the end of 2023. I keep going back and forth, feeling like the year went on forever and like it just started. Weird, huh? So things in the world this year... yeah I don't need to say much on the state of things. All I can say is that I hope 2024 will be better... and that Trump doesn't make it into office. Things WILL get worse for everyone if that happens, and that's all I will say about it.

Anyways, my personal life. It actually wasn't too bad. I got to go on my first-ever cruise at the end of April and the first real vacation that I had had since I was a kid. It was such an amazing time~! I even got to hug Mickey Mouse for the first time in 20 years~! Speaking of though, I've done a hard step away from animation. I still reblog stuff, but I'm not as into looking into things like voice actors or history and stuff anymore. The past few years of industry drama utterly drained me and killed a lot of my love and passion for entertainment in general, and it was time to realize that, step back, and let myself begin just enjoy watching things again. Which I have been doing slowly. It's sad, but accepting that I don't want a part of the animation world and remain a casual fan was the right thing to do. I'll always love it, but I don't want to be a part of that world as a career or anything anymore.

Doing so has helped me decide on what I want to do though. Mom had been trying to convince me for years to get into culinary since I both liked it and was good at it. I was reluctant because it's VERY high stress... but I've gotten really into baking and I've decided that I'd like to pursue that as a career. It's fun, not so stressful that I can't handle it, and I'm good at it. I'm hoping to go back to school as the community college here has a culinary program where I can get a baking certification. But yeah, it was a life change that needed to happen.

Otherwise, this was one of my calmer years. There wasn't some major family tragedy for the first time in like five years, Thank God. I turned 30... so I'm old. We adopted out dog Dante that past December and I utterly love him with all my heart. I got my learner's permit a few days ago so I'm one step closer to being able to get my life going. I've fully accepted being sapphic and once I can drive and stuff I'd like to be able to start maybe dating for the first time. I think overall I finally realized how stilted my life had become since my dad died in 2018, but I lacked any motivation and drive to change it or do anything. IDK what's changed, but I want to start living my life and continuing to make progress on that is my goal for 2024.

Fandom life has been a lot slower. Probably as a result of me realizing that I should actually focus on my real life. But it's not dead either. RWBY Volume 9 finally came out and while I almost quit when it did, I stuck to it. I'm glad I did because it's now my favorite volume of the show and while I'm honestly convinced V10 won't happen, if it does I'll be here for it. My TOS passion got reignited, so much so that I had to make a sideblog to contain it all. I haven't really gotten into anything new, really with the state of things, I'm almost afraid to even try any new shows. Like I said, I've been focusing on just enjoying stuff again so it's just been whatever I see around getting reblogged. I guess that made things dull on here, but it did good for me, and in the end that's what I use this blog for. I've even started to get back into fanfic writing after all the RT drama got to me so bad I quit after finally getting over my writing anxiety. But I hope that's a good sign of finally moving forward.

Overall, I know that the world is in dire straits right now. My personal life wasn't too bad this year, but it sucks to think bout how so many have suffered and I can't really do anything about it. Like I said, I hope that 2024 will be better for everyone. Regardless I hope that you all have a Happy New Year and as we enter Year 12 of the blog, I thank you all once again for having stuck with me. See you all in 2024~!

[dedalvs]

I posted 135 times in 2022

That's 135 more posts than 2021!

80 posts created (59%)

55 posts reblogged (41%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@belovedlittlecorpse

@quothalinguist

@frattynattyladdie

@zjofierose

@mandaloriandy

I tagged 83 of my posts in 2022

Only 39% of my posts had no tags

#conlang - 58 posts

#language - 43 posts

#valyrian - 24 posts

#high valyrian - 22 posts

#hotd - 20 posts

#house of the dragon - 19 posts

#got - 12 posts

#game of thrones - 11 posts

#orthography - 9 posts

#langtime - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 47 characters

#the vowels that are untouchable like eliot ness

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hi, welcome back to Tumblr! Your Trigdasleng posts back in the day were fascinating, even though I never watched the show they're from. Keep on keepin' on.

Thank you! It's good to be back, and this is as good a place as any to talk about why I'm here and what I'm doing.

First, I left Tumblr when many others did when they instituted their infamous "female-presenting nipple" policy. It's not as if my Tumblr was ever a nsfw blog, or as if I had any female-presenting nipples, but I felt it was the wrong response to the difficult situation they'd been put in. It was something that hurt a lot of people who had a lot less of a voice and not much of a platform, and so I felt it was my responsibility to use the platform I had to take a stand, even if ultimately it didn't change anything.

As it happens, years later, Tumblr has finally reversed the policy (well done, @staff!). Tumblr may not be the wild west it used to be, but at least they aren't targeting anyone presenting a specific gender unfairly. I've missed my time away, and the people I got to know here, so I'm happy to be back!

As I see it, I'll probably be reblogging stuff less here, even though that's how I made my name way back when, and instead responding mostly to asks in my inbox.

To give myself a fresh start, I have deleted all 3,999 of my asks. I'm starting fresh—with this one, which was the first! My inbox got too overwhelming, so this was needed.

To answer some questions some may have, if you haven't followed me elsewhere recently:

I'm most active on Instagram, where I am @athdavrazar.

I have a YouTube series with partner and significant other Jessie Sams, who is @quothalinguist on Instagram. That series is called LangTime Studio, and we create a language from scratch together live on camera (we work on two hours a week every Thursday at 2 p.m. Pacific).

Jessie and I work together almost exclusively now, and we've done work on Freeform's Motherland: Fort Salem (which I hope you loved, Tumblr!), Peacock's Vampire Academy, the second season of Shadow and Bone (forthcoming), Amazon's Paper Girls (though you can blink and miss our stuff), and the second Dune film.

I worked on HBO's House of the Dragon, and got to create a writing system for High Valyrian, which I'm very excited about.

I created the Sangheili language for Paramount+'s Halo with Carl Buck, who is on Instagram as @tlacamazatl (he's on Tumblr as @tlacamazatl too!). We are presently working on season 2.

I worked with Christian Thalmann on Shadow and Bone seasons 1 and 2. The breakdown is this: Christian and I jointly created the Fjerdan language; I created the Ravkan language and orthography as well as the Kerch and Zemeni orthographies exclusively; Jessie Sams and I created the Shu and Zemeni languages jointly; Christian created the Shu orthography. I can't wait for you to hear and see our work in season 2!

Yes, I left Twitter (quite a bit ago). I'm now more active on Discord, where I'm on a few servers.

I created a wiki for all my languages, and am unevenly working on all of them, and some languages have a team of people working on them (in particular High Valyrian).

Despite being double-vaxxed and getting not one, not two, but three boosters, I got Covid in June, and that PoS hasn't completely left me alone since. (Note: I'd only had one booster before I got it; two have come since then, including the new one, which will hopefully be the last!)

I am traveling again, so I hope to announce those here when they happen.

If there's anything I missed, you let me know. I look forward to answering asks again, and joining in the general silliness of Tumblr! <3

139 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#4

The Elder Runes from The Witcher

See the full post

157 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

#3

198 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#2

Well now I HAVE to ask how to say/write "chicken" in your various languages!

Oh here we go...

🐔🐥🐤🐣🐓

Azrán: upózh

Bodzvokhan: dǝq

Castithan: chikano (< English)

Dothraki: jiz

Hen Linge: mak

High Valyrian: ñoves (rooster), qulbes (hen)

Irathient: tisese

Kamakawi: iki (animal), i'iki (food)

Méníshè: t'òdír

Noalath: vokach

Övüsi: kuge

Ravkan: shuk (rooster), shuka (hen)

Trigedasleng: omi (generic), egleya (hen)

Yulish: bökki

Zemeni: wela

Zhyler: levžel

That's not all of them, but that's a lot of them!

(Btw, I was sitting here coming up with this list, and @quothalinguist glances at it and is instantly like, "You're coming up with words for 'chicken'? Méníshè's got one!' And, of course, she was right!)

682 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Do you have any thoughts on the translation scene in Goncharov? I haven't seen a lot of people talking about it but it's a pretty pivotal scene and given that what they're doing is not dissimilar to a conlang imo i figured you might have some good insights

*sigh*

I figured someone was going to ask this eventually...

So listen, the whole translation scene in Goncharov is not technically conlang-related. It's actually even more brilliant, but it's hard to explain.

Since the tutor doesn't speak Russian and the nurse only speaks Italian, the aphasiac Soviet spy has to use an impromptu series of hand gestures to indicate that he either does or doesn't understand. I mean, you can glean that from the subtitles, so that's no big revelation.

But this is where it gets weird and...I mean, linguistically controversial, to say the least, but it was the 70s.

As the tutor and the nurse attempt to communicate with him and each other, they begin to winnow down their vocabulary to words that are cognate between Italian and Russian. And through this back and forth, the languages seem like they're blending, but what they're actually doing is reversing the sound changes of Italian and Russian until they both end up, improbably, at Proto-Indo-European. It's like something you'd see in Fantasia, but aural! It's...utterly bizarre.

And, of course the final word that the nurse and the tutor utter simultaneously, the one that brings the spy to tears, is *bʰewdʰ- "awake, aware"—which, I mean, knowing how the rest of the movie goes...yeah. Bombshell. And it's crazy to me that they didn't subtitle it! Like, you pretty much have to be a PIE scholar to get that, and the entire subplot hinges on it! I mean, bold isn't the word for it. Unfathomable. Cannot believe they got away with that...

Rumor has it that Morris Halle consulted on the film, but he's adamantly refused to talk about. (For years, he'd end all his guest lectures with, "Are they any questions about anything other than Goncharov?") He never once confirmed whether or not he was involved (of course, he wasn't credited, but that wouldn't be unusual for the time even if he was involved).

I can see why you'd think it would be a conlang, but the reverse-engineered sound changes were so precise, and the whole thing so by the book, that there really wasn't any actual invention. It was all Indo-European!

2,227 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[disneychannie]

not sure if anyone still remembers me but i thought i could just give this a go.

i haven't written something in so long haha...i use tumblr once in a while but med school has really taken a toll on me. i don't know when i'll come back to writing, it's never really about me losing interest in writing since writing is just something i love to do but it's just me not having the leisure to just sit down and write. my semester breaks really just consist of me volunteering for experience purposes. never got the chance really to catch up on any of my hobbies when all i'm doing is work, study, work, study on repeat for the past 3 years.

i will admit that i've lost interest in kpop quite a long time ago and just found other interest and going through different phases. exo however will always be my #1 but at the same time i haven't been in exo planet for a good year. don't really know what's going on there haha but hopefully all is well with the boys.

if any of you guys ever see me dropping some writing it's just a way for me to get a sense of normality in my life or easier to let at east 12% of stress out. i feel like a robot getting lost in all these research papers and charts but it's what i signed up for so i can't really complain can i..

i definitely miss those days (pre-university days) when i would write freely and interact with my readers but things change right, i definitely know that some of my old mutuals here have probably move on from writing or just not on here anymore and that's okay honestly, good to know that some of us are just growing up and pursuing other things.

it has been a good 6 years or more...don't really know when i started this blog but i remembered having another blog before moving to this one so could be a decade actually. i made a lot of good friends here and became a part of different communities which i can say have gone inactive as well but you can never forget the good times can you. truly a blessing to have this experience.

don't wanna be a sap but at some point writing on here was all i did and quite a huge hobby of mine.

[fjadwrites]

Two Books Done And Started A New One

Good morning! Here we go again with another daily blog entry about my reading journey, if it's actually right to call it that way. I'm trying my best to stay awake, to be honest. But maybe doing this will help in some way.

I removed my "Want to Read" book list in Goodreads yesterday. That's more than 300 books in the list that I declared to read over the years since having an account there. But looking at that list had ㅡ sometimes ㅡ give my mind some pressure and that sense of wanting to catch up with people reading so much who could "devour" books so easily. This shouldn't be, and yet it happened. And to be honest, deleting that list is better. It was like... giving off a sense of mystery, no matter how small, about what to read next (or even more so, what to finish reading next).

So my page count quota yesterday was 32, and I reached it. Of course, you know that when I have such "small" number of pages to be read in a day, I tend to read a lot more. And that's what happened yesterday! Not to mention, finding more books to store in my digital library and acquiring them. Yup, I've just given myself another way to pressure my reader self. 😁😂 But in this case, I don't mind having this digital list and easily opening each book when I want to.

I've started creating this picture since two days ago and I would exclusively post them on IG. Not today. So this is what happened to my reading journey yesterday.

I've finished reading two books!

I've fully read the first volume of "By the Grace of the Gods" and was able to read 88 pages there. Yup, more than my page count quota. I love it! Like what I kept saying, this is such a comforting read ㅡ the very same feeling it gave to me when I first watched the anime version. Gave this one ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐.

I read the remaining 20 pages of "Drop, Cover, and Hold On", which is the 4th book of the multi-authored "Improbable Meet Cute" series. If I'm being honest, I'm giving this a ⭐⭐.5 ratings. But since there isn't such a rating in Goodreads, I put ⭐⭐⭐. I don't know. I wasn't too keen about the whole thing. That's the feeling it gave to me and I don't know if that even made any sense.

With this two books finished, now my Goodreads Reading Challenge is looking slightly better than when I first started reading again. I mean, I know I still have 7 more books to read to catch up and be on schedule. But this is still looking better than how it was 12 days ago. Yes, I'm keeping track since I know I finished reading a book 12 days ago.

As for the book that I started reading yesterday instead of continuing to read my other pending ones, it's the second volume ot "By the Grace of the Gods". I managed to read up to page 49 yesterday, from Chapter 2 Episode 1 to the end of Chapter 2 Episode 4. The entire volume is just one chapter and what wa supposed to be chapters for us was called episodes. I know I mentioned this on my entry yesterday, but this is how they divide the segments/chapters of this light novel. I wanted to start reading Chapter 2 Episode 5 yesterday, but drowsiness was winning. 😁😁 And I gave in.

This is my page count quota for today. Yes, it's not that much and I'm not changing it. Depending on what will happen today, this could motivate me to read more, you know. At least, that's what I noticed these past days. And I love that. I could start reading the fifth novella in the "Improbable Meet Cute" series, though this one has a bit more pages than the 3rd and the 4th books. Or I could just continue reading the light novel. Whatever the case, let's reach today's quota.

I love writing like this and giving updates here every day. And two days ago, I came up with a certain realization.

I haven't read enough books, and so that's why I have writing slump/writer's block for weeks now.

It's something that came to me two days ago. But maybe I should talk about that in a different entry.

For now, this is all I have. See you tomorrow! Happy reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

[wutlaikalikes]

posts bugged?

just in case staff is looking into my inquiry. please scroll past.

Since last year (March 22, 2022), I started to post my Wordle results here. To not spoil anyone, I would post the results as private on the day and then on the next day I would change the post visibility to public.

Recently, I changed my Tumblr theme because the pictures I would post would end up in a scrollable box. It would seem that the theme I was using was updated. The theme is called Minimal by arturkim and changed the theme on August 12 to Chirp by rachaels.

A couple of days ago, I made a blog post about the recent things that has been going on the fandom I'm in. And like my wordle post, I posted it private first and then then changed it to public the next day.

On my Tumblr page, I have a tagged list for my blogs, named Bookmarks. When I posted another blog with my thoughts in which I intially posted privately then change it to public the next day, I realized that those two blogs wasn't showing under the tagged list for blogs. I made sure both blogs are public. I checked and it shows up on my dash if I scroll to said post. And if I use the search box on, both post would show.

I checked my Wordle posts and it seemed that this has been going on since July 26 and I just never realized. I also didn't check at the time cause I have been doing that for my wordle results and it works everytime.

(just in case, I missed posting Wordle for 3 days, 798 is on top on the post)

I already asked Tumblr Support for assistance and even got an email for possible solutions and asking additional information. I sent the inquiry August 29. But I haven't heard from them since then.

I didn't want to do it but I also temporarily changed the theme to the back to my previous theme but that didn't fix it.

I'm at lost at what to do. I know this is not much of an issue but I have OCD so... yea, sorry...

[jennilah]

every New Year's Time I like to take a moment to dive back into my diary and reflect on the last 12 months of my life.

You know, Im always worried someone will take this as... gloating or being self centered or something. I just... well, I guess to convince myself that its fine, I've just always loved blogging about my life and goings-on, good and bad. A few years back something happened that made me scared to talk about my life like I used to, and Im still trying to relearn that its ok to be self indulgent on my personal accounts.

And during these year roundups, I like taking the opportunity to expand more on things I kept quiet about, reflect on the big changes, or simply find the good moments in an otherwise rough year. I don't want anyone to compare their life to mine. This is just for fun.

I like reading about whats happening in the people Im following's lives too! I think its nice to stay in the loop like that...

That said... here's my 2021 Year In Review, if you're into that kind of thing

Ill start off by saying at the start of 2021, I was only a month into my new job. I was animating on WandaVision, and I was working entirely from home. It was nice getting some near-immediate gratification seeing our hard work on the screen only a month or so later. (LOOKING AT YOU, TOP GUN MAVERICK, WHICH I WORKED ON 2 YEARS AGO AND IS STILL YET TO COME OUT)

According to my diary early in the year I was still looking for therapists, so I wasn't doing too hot in the mental health department. I have since given up on that search because it was just too expensive, but also I think I am doing a little better now.

I will say, this year was the first year I can think of since.... god, ever? where I haven't had a hyper interest. Meaning, there's things I love dearly, but there's nothing occupying my mind 24/7. Nothing I want to make fanart of until my hands fall off. Nothing I want to read fanfictions of. (I am actually autistic, remember. This is probably the symptom that affects me the most and its been there my whole life. So when I say hyper interest, or special interest, I am not being dramatic. I am using it in the actual autistic spectrum definition) The absence of a current special interest for so long is a little debilitating. I realized, if I'm not daydreaming about something, my mind starts assaulting me with every thing that bothers me in the back of my mind. Especially since my last two special interests "ended" in bad terms. Both SPN and DBH I slowly faded from because of the discourse and hatred being spread among fandom members, my happy memories of both get shoved aside by the discourses and bullying ive seen and things ive read swirling in my head over and over and over and over and over on a repeat I cant stop thinking about it. I dont even know how to phrase it in a way that doesnt sound ridiculous. Trust me, its more frustrating for me than it is cringy for you. Every day, especially when trying to sleep. It's hell, and its one of the things I wanted therapy to help me handle. I'm still struggling with it. I try combating it by literally daydreaming of counting sheep like Im a child.

(so yes ive been a little desperate for my brain to latch onto something new with no drama but it hasnt yet. this is not something i can consciously do.)

But... in these fandomless times I am taking the opportunity to play new games, try to watch new shows, and actually READ SOME BOOKS. With no fanfiction to read before bed, I can actually... read a book. So I read some books. Specifically, The Locked Tomb trilogy (which apparently is gonna have 4 books now? Cool)

I've been enjoying those a lot! Cant wait for the next book. :)

I got to guest-lecture for an online class at my old college, SVA. That was super fun and I hope to do it again sometime! I love guest lecturing! The students don't need you to teach them technical things, they mostly just want advice, to hear your "story", and ask questions about what the industry is like. It's super fun! Always happy to supply that advice and information for any animation student who asks, online or offline.

I attended a zoom wedding, which was wild, but hey, I'm happy for that friend.

I started really getting into plants. My collection expanded quite a bit, and I have been having a lot of fun with that hobby. With no hyperinterest, my brain filled with plants. (I'm pretty sure Im not even joking there.)

Around springtime, I had my first review with my boss and supervisor about my performance. I'd say this was a small turning point. I am a Key Artist at my job, which is the highest rank before becoming a Lead, and I was nervous that I was underperforming because I still felt like a low Mid artist. Thats when they told me I was doing excellently, and I am one of the most reliable animators on the team. If they had any advice for me, it was that I worry and stress too much. (Ha. Yeah....... if that wasn't clear so far)

Anyway... that was an eye opener. Like hey, maybe I'm good at this thing after all.

Yeah. Wanted to keep that ball rolling, though. Hearing something like that only makes me want to work harder. At this time, I was also working on possibly the most fun project I got to animate on in my career so far- it was just SO up my alley and my supervisor really let me run free with my ideas. You'll see later 2022. (Unless it gets pushed)

Oh... got to this part in my diary. Well, this year I was hit with another big low. I lost my beloved pet cat Tiger, who was part of my life since I was 8 years old. Luckily, she lived a long happy life, and she passed peacefully. I was worried I would be wracked by nightmares about it for weeks like when I lost my dog a few years prior, but I think that was because his death was so sudden and so disturbing. I miss them both so much. I still cried so much, and still cry when I think about it too much. (See earlier about my brain attacking me lately. This is one of those things I get mentally assaulted with when trying to sleep) But... I'm ok. I handed it well, I think.

I played Horizon Zero Dawn, loved it. I watched the Fast and Furious franchise with some friends over discord, loved it.

Also, I will say, there was non-stop construction in my apartment building for like... over a year by that point. It was so loud, I had construction grade ear muffs just so I could focus on work or try to take naps. The noise was also incredibly debilitating to my mental state every day, along with my anxieties and covid shit and everything.

Late spring, my studio got together at a park to see each other in person for the first time. That was so nice, I was emotional about it. Clearly I was not having a good time the whole year until then, what with the noise and my anxiety and all. But I had 1 vaccine in my arm by that point, and seeing everyone was so lovely, I remember feeling really good that day.

Well... aside from the part where I almost blacked out.

I rode my kick scooter to the park and when I arrived, my vision got really blurry and I got really dizzy. I still don't know exactly what happened that day, but I was terrified. I thought I was going to ruin the picnic by having to be hospitalized. (yes, literally standing there silently with the group, unable to see, not saying anything, hoping I didnt pass out in front of everyone and ruin the fun)

I don't know what that was about, but it was a wake up call that I think I need to exercise more. I think my body was so used to being sedentary from being locked up in my apartment for a year, that small day of exertion nearly took me the fuck out.

Come June, my year really started turning around.

My application to be a tenant in a new apartment complex was approved! GOODBYE to my shitty old apartment with the cockroaches and construction noise and managers who don't care and water cuts and electric outages and fire alarms and everything.

My overall shittyass mood for a long time started improving with that moment.

I still had to deal with the old building for a few more months, but the new apartment on the horizon kept me goin'.

I also decided to start buying new clothes, better clothes that actually make me feel cute and confident. I love them! Too bad they are really only summer clothes though, so most of them are sitting in the closet until its appropriate to wear them again... but baby steps!

Then I got my second vaccine dose, and coupled with overall very good covid numbers in Montreal, I got to do some things again! I got to go to the movies again, my favorite thing! I got to see some friends again!

And then, I got to work in the office again! I got to talk to people again! I got to separate home from work again! (And I got to get away from the deafening construction noises at home again!)

I was feeling so much better!!!!

Then after some time of blissfulness, working diligently on Joe Pickett (check it out! its out now on Spectrum, and I think its coming out on Paramount+ soon? I think?) my boss called me up. I was a little worried, like oh no maybe I did something wrong- but nope! He offered me a very rare permanent position! (Instead of contract-to-contract, which is the story for most people in the industry here) Very exciting, and felt very nice being valued like that. Also very nice not having to worry about my work permit for as long as I want! (A big stress living abroad)

September and October was MOVING TIME GALORE. I took off time from work to move, and it was a lot of fun. Tiring, but fun. (Especially since because the two buildings were so close, I spent most of the time wheeling my belongings over back and forth in suitcases)

My friends also came over to help me paint, and my parents came up and helped me with the finishing touches. This was the first time I saw my parents since the pandemic started, because the borders finally reopened and everyone was vaccinated, so that was very emotional and very fun. (I am very close with them, and I missed them very much)

The new apartment has been so amazing its actually impressive. I realize now just how much I was settling for SHIT before. The place is so lovely, working from home here isnt even that bad. (I'll get to that in a minute)

Watched some more good shows and good movies. I started my trek into the world of slasher films for the first time, and that has been fun. I caught up on the Scream franchise with the same friends I watched the Fast and Furious franchise with. I loved the movies, but it was made even more fun by watching them with good friends.

Small dip in my mood when my pet fish, Pancakes passed away. It appeared to be from old age and the complications that come with it. She was "just" a fish, but god dammit, I loved my little fish. RIP, tiny friend.

Work was trucking along nicely. Working at the studio and bolstering in-person relationships was going excellently. I quickly made friends with my coworkers, getting to chat with them at lunch and friday afternoons and everything. They are a great group of people, 10/10 goofballs.

I talked to my boss about my progress again, now with nearly a year at the studio under my belt. It went even better than before. He restated that I am still one of the most reliable animators on the team, and he could see me being a Lead in the future and would begin my training the moment I say I want to do it. (I said I am flattered but extremely not ready yet) He also used that opportunity to say that I can come to him if theres any studio issues or changes I want to suggest, because thats how much of a grip I have on the studio, basically. They want to keep me happy as best they can and will try to help in any way.

...interesting...

Haven't really flexed that power yet, but it's there.

Come December, things started getting fishy again.

Things were happy, my brain isn't being attacked quite as much now with some of my daytime anxieties quelled, but... well, as you all must know by now, things started shutting down again.

My christmas trip home was cancelled for a myriad of reasons. I went from graciously knowing only two or three people with Covid over the last two years to now nearly ten at once. Theaters are closed again, bars, clubs, etc, and we are mandated to work from home again...

If I wasn't clear before, I prefer working from a studio. I was crushed. I cried, packing my desk things to work from home for another indeterminate amount of time. To not see my work friends again for another indeterminate amount of time.

The bright side is that working from home made the wintertime a little easier to bear last year, not having to walk in the slush and ice and all, so it should make things easier again this year. And my new apartment is much nicer to sit in all day... but oh well.

And... here we are. Mood has taken a solid hit. But.. trying to look up. Trying to stay hopeful for some nice things next year. Gonna try to reschedule that trip home for when it is warmer and the case count is low again... maybe I can see Top Gun with my family, or that other movie I mentioned. That would be nice.

Yesterday I bought a VR system... very excited about that. Always loved VR and wanted to have a system myself, and finally bought one. I'm excited to finally try out some games I've been wanting to play for a long time.

As for new years resolutions.. I definitely want to try to keep my head up. Continue to find the good in the bad. Also try to exercise more. (Not like serious gym-hitting or anything, but just try some baby steps... hopefully work my way up....)

[fricklefracklefloof]

tag game!! ty @pocketsizedquasar for tagging me :))

1- Why did you choose your url

my url is just the same un i use for other sites that i post art on (instagram, deviantart, etc) BUT the original idea came from when i was in... shudders... middle school... there was a short period of time where i kept saying "FRICKLE FRACKLE" as a substitute for fuck or something and then i just tacked on floof because i'm a furry

i've been wanting to change my url for like a month now i'm just too scared of change lol </3

2- Any side blogs?

not... really? except for @jesperofficial but that's a joke soc roleplay blog i don't use anymore

3- How long have you been on tumblr?

since 2019 i think? it's been over a year

4- Do you have a queue tag?

no because i rarely queue you get my posts when you get them

5- Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started this blog as a throwaway account because i wanted to join the grishaverse big bang. i didn't even want to join tumblr at the time but i wanted to be a part of the event more so i made it just so they'd have something to link back to LMAO. but then i started like... yknow talking to people who only used this site... and then i started lurking when i was really really bored... and then my friends convinced me to check the site like every day... and then i started posting only my fanart and then i downloaded the app on my phone and it was just downhill from there. sigh.

6- Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i just like guillermo i just really like how his face came out in that drawing he looks cute <3

7- Why did you choose your header?

umm i like using my own art for stuff like this bc it makes me feel better about using images that i've created myself instead of possibly stealing from someone else and i think that drawing was cute it makes me happy :) it's kinda old though i might change it plus the fact that i added like 2394587394587 filters to it to make it fit the pink aesthetic is showing painfully

8-What’s your post with the most notes?

this jon + the admiral comic i made a while ago :) it's cute i think it's a bit cheesy and also kinda old but i'm very very proud of how i drew the admiral in that one so i'm happy that this one ended up being my top post lmao

9- How many mutuals do you have?

shit idk i don't really like the whole "mutual" thing i think we should just be friends instead of pretending that we are

10- How many followers do you have?

405 :o i didn't know that

11- How many people do you follow?

368! i don't even remember who i follow sometimes lmao

12- Have you ever made a shitpost?

probably

13- How often do you use Tumblr each day?

at least once a day </3 used to hate myself for it but now i just embrace it

14- Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm i mean i GUESS you could call them fights i've gotten anon hate for stupid shit and have had um. Discussions with people about racism in the grishaverse but most of them were pretty one-sided i've never had full on reblog chains or Tumblr User Fricklefracklefloof Vs Other Tumblr User fights it's just. someone saying something and then me replying. i try to be civil.

although i did have a friend once (or ig we were just "mutuals") who flat out blocked me with no response after i said something mildly accusatory and i still haven't recovered from that </3 just communicate with me please goddamn

15- How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i get the point they're trying to make but they're guilt trippy and ultimately don't end up solving the issue they think they're solving. (i'm assuming we're talking about the human rights posts that are all like "if you don't reblog this you're a monster!!" etc etc.) yes it's important to speak up about issues but by telling people they Have To Reblog This Or Else it just... scares people into supporting something without going through the critical thinking about it. at least that's how i see it. you can't truly support something if you don't understand wtf you're talking about. reblogging something like that for the sake of reblogging it is just... well it's performative.

16- Do you like tag games?

yes :)

17- Do you like ask games?

YEA THEY SEEM FUN i've never done one before bc idk i'm scared no one's gonna wanna do it with me but yes i think i would enjoy them

18-Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

oh i know who is tumblr famous but i don't wanna out them like that

19- Do you have a crush on a mutual?

ahaha! ahahahaha! that's funny i'm not sharing that

tagging @souleatering (or whatever blog you wanna use wybie idk) @jawbonemage and whoever else wants to :)

[azems-familiar]

get to know the blogger

i was tagged for this by @starknstarwars, thank you very much! i am tagging @ipreferfiction @tarrevizsla @darthsassacre @glitter-cronch @reliable-apprentice and anyone else who wants to join!

1) why did you choose your url?

so i've been through a few different urls in the past, but i ended up settling on this one when i switched over to primarily kotor stuff. the canon "revanchist" url is held by an empty blog, so i took the next best available thing. (my previous url was skywalking-across-the-galaxy and it was chosen exclusively for the pun.)

2) any sideblogs?

i made one as a joke to make in-character sith years revan, malak, and jedi exile in universe social media posts with a couple friends about a year ago. i don't actually do anything with it but it Exists.

3) how long have you been on tumblr?

since early 2016, i think my blog's anniversary is in april? oh god that was a lot longer ago than i want to think about.

4) why did you originally start your blog?

because i had just gotten into the doctor who fandom and i wanted to reach a wider audience with fanfiction. i was 16/17 and brand new to fandom as a group experience and ended up on tumblr after discovering that ao3 existed.

5) why did you choose your icon?

my icon and header change from time to time, when i feel like changing things up a bit, but for quite a while now my icon has been this absolutely stunning portrait of my Revan done by my beloved @stellorc, who is a dear friend and an incredible artist. it is the best piece of art i currently have of my Revan and since she's the main character i focus on and write about these days, i figured she should be the centerpiece! also i just love looking at that art.

6) why did you choose your header?

my header is a color-changed gif from the kotor remake teaser trailer done by @tarrevizsla, with a quote that someone stuck on an edit of the early kotor comics to describe Revan going against the Council to join the war, which has always stuck with me as very appropriate. I Just Think It's Neat and also symbolism.

7) what is your post with the most notes?

uhhhh that's hard for me to tell because my blog is old. a tcw art i commissioned in 2018 is pretty big. a few chat posts i made during my sequels era. the HK-47 locket shitpost i made has just over a thousand and is definitely my largest-note kotor/swtor related post!

8) how many mutuals do you have?

unknown and i'm not going through to count all of them. quite a few. my entire discord server (or the people who talk actively at least). hello beloved tor hell friends. (pspspspsps come join tor hell)

9) how many followers do you have?

2014, somehow. not many of them interact with me. a lot are from my doctor who or tcw days.

10) how many blogs do you follow?

2285. i should probably go through and prune that there are a lot of people i don't even know who they are anymore lol.

11) have you ever made a shitpost?

more times than i'd like to admit to, yes. my most popular recent one is definitely this gif:

12) how many times do you use tumblr a day?

let's just say i'm terminally online.

13) have you ever fought another blog?

yeah. i'm proship and have been known to ship some "problematic" things back in the day. i haven't been as badly involved in discourse but yknow how things go. also i will go to war to defend my friends.

14) how do you feel about "need to reblog" posts?

fuck those. if you say i MUST reblog something i am immediately going to Not Do That just out of spite.

15) do you like tag games?

absolutely, just sometimes i'm slow to respond.

16) do you like ask games?

yes! i love interaction! i crave it! however sometimes i can be bad at responding and then i feel horribly guilty whoops

17) which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

none who are tumblr famous but i am mutuals with @renesassing my beloved, who is a pretty damn popular artist, so there's that

18) do you have a crush on a mutual?

not particularly no. i mean one of my mutuals (i'm sure no one can guess which one) is my platonic partner and best friend but like. that's it lol

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tag game!!!

Tagged by @bluejayblueskies <3 <3 <3

1- Why did you choose your url?

My online name is Ashes and the jar of ashes felt appropriate given it being a very romantic gesture in some social circles ;)

2- Any side blogs?

A bunch of side ones for various fandoms mainly for my own filing and safekeeping (things I think should be shared more I reblog to this blog for traction). Also I have an art/writing reference blog and cool random stuff blog and of course the @jonsimsandcats blog (with another friend)!

3- How long have you been on tumblr?

Around 14 months! I'm here very late comparatively 😅

4- Do you have a queue tag?

Nope! I queue things sometimes so as to not be overwhelming but I don't know what to have as a tag for it (or why I should have one for that matter if anyone would like to enlighten me)

5- Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Wanted to find more tma artists and content and maybe request some art I had in mind but couldn't draw myself? I realized pretty quickly that's not how requests work but stayed for wonderful art and speculations and friends I made since :)

6- Why did you choose your icon/pfp

My charcoal art from a few years ago that felt appropriately fitting for a tma blog xD

7- Why did you choose your header?

My favorite bit of tma art i made that I'm very proud of!

8-What’s your post with the most notes?

The There are many disadvantages to being an Archivist one but only because it breached fandom, around 6k I think.

9- How many mutuals do you have?

Not sure actually! Maybe 20 maybe 60 I can't really tell. I also follow alot of side blogs of people for art who might or might not be following me but who knows.

10- How many followers do you have?

I'm almost at 1,234 and super excited about it!

11- How many people do you follow?

About 300 and even though I do follow and unfollow quite easily it doesn't deviate from that much

12- Have you ever made a shitpost?

Define shitpost xD

13- How often do you use Tumblr each day?

A fair few! During breaks at work I like to scroll through the tma tag and queue posts and sometimes go though my feed to see if anything interesting is afoot in the world 😂

14- Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

A specific blog? No, not arguments. Discussions yes but I try to avoid aggressive people and being aggressive with strangers (and people in general!). I do sometimes get some suspiciously angry anons but I never engage unless I feel what they have to say is valid.

15- How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Don't really care for it? I curate the people I follow very much so I don't get much of those kinds of posts which I think is good?

16- Do you like tag games?

Really really depends on my mood. Jay caught me at a perfect time to want to write something <3

17- Do you like ask games?

Same answer as above! I sometimes reblog them if I feel I have the energy and confidence to answer but sometimes I'd reblog and the amount of asks I get is too overwhelming or my mood would suddenly change so I just shut down, sorry to anyone I haven't answered in the past 😅

18-Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

All of them are tumblr famous in my heart ♥

19- Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Does the previous question answer this?

Tagging @m-e-w-666 @spider-plants @bagginshield @artificialdaydreamer @wordsintimeandspace @hihereami only if you want, no pressure! (or anyone else who sees this and wants to)

[scienceoftheidiot]

If you're looking for ghosts, family stories, a ghost who squats rather than haunts a place, a blind man who loves to cook (among other things), a dog who's a lot more serious than her owner, an ex-boxer who's a little lost but quite nice when she doesn't hit people in the nose (among other things), a nice but sometimes slightly taxing family, another pretty shitty family, pretty unbearable cops (not all of them. Well, all of them except one), and horror... Then you're in the right place.

Continuing on the transfer of my original story from AO3 to my own blog with chapter 2 !

For those who want to read from the beginning, I made a list of chapters page. It's all pretty wonky since I don't really know how to use this website properly ^^" but I'll learn. For now it's useable, and that's all I want.

As always placing my little disclaimer there : this is a work in progress I started to write years ago and I'm still going on, albeit way faster than I used to. I haven't changed the old chapters, I will go back to them when I'm done with the structure, which could be why some might be slightly off. It hasn't been beta read, and will be at the end of the process ; most importantly considering the main character, I will also contact a sensitivity reader ; but once again, once I'm done. I'm however open to all criticism any reader could have ! This is also why I share.

Tag list under the cut, please let me know if you want to be added or removed from it :)

@heirsoflilith @fyoriginalstories @shutterbug-12 @omg-okimhere @hughstheforcelou @foxesandmagic

[mimikyufriend]

hiiii I'm doing all the tag games I had saved in my drafts and forgot about lol

-----

1. Name: autumn ^_^

2. Nickname: I don't really have one that's stuck

3. Zodiac sign: scorpio

4. Height: 5'6

5. Languages: english + just a little bit of spanish

6. Nationality: american (cringe)

7. Favourite season: spring

8. Favourite flower: tulips

9. Favourite scent: lavender

10. Favourite colour: purple

11. Favourite animals: like so many... I like cats and bugs and other inverts

12. Favourite fictional character: marceline adventure time >:3

13. Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

14. Average hours of sleep: like around 5 during the week and on the weekend I will sleep as long as humanly possible

15. Dog or cat: I like dogs but I like cats way more

16. Number of blankets you sleep with: one usually

17. Dream trip: I want to go see the smoky mountains again and explore a lot more

18. Blog established: I remade a bit ago but I've been here since 2014

19. Followers: 939 (over 1k before remaking... nightmare)

20. Random fact: my hair changes color throughout the year like that isn't just me being #quirky it literally gets so red in summer and so dark in winter

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list your comfort films!

(in no particular order)

1 - howl's moving castle

2 - jurassic park

3 - barbie rapunzel

4 - ella enchanted

5 - how to train your dragon

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post a picture of yourself alongside your favourite villager in animal crossing!

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top three ships: bubbline, klapollo, nezushi

last song: angel with a shotgun lol

last movie: it's been a while I think last time was a hmc rewatch

currently reading: the wife between us, for manga I'm still reading dunmeshi and ntatdw

currently watching: I haven't been actively watching it but I need to finish mushishi >_<

currently craving: I been really wanting sushi and boba but it's hard to get to anywhere that sells them also it's hard to justify buying frivolous food stuff :p

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last tv show: I think it was kid cosmic s1 actually (still need to see s2)

sweet, spicy or savory: sweet!

bubbly water, tea or coffee: tea, I hate sparkling water and coffee

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currently working on: making money O_O also trying to get back into reading with books beyond middle grade level for once lol

currently playing: I haven't been actively playing anything in a few weeks but dgs has priority of course and I'm starting aa5 friday

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Gender: *vague hand wave* I'm not really interested in thinking abt gender in ways I have previously like w/e

Sexuality: lesbian

Hogwarts House: ur mom

Dream Job: I can't imagine being happy in any workspace

Why I Made a Tumblr: irl friends and I wanted to follow comic artists

Reasons for my URL: I just think mimikyu is neat

[polyamorouspunk]

So I know that this isn't like strictly an advice blog or anything, but I was wondering if you could maybe give me some advice for my relationship? I'm polyam and there just aren't many blogs that'll take questions about it, so I'd appreciate a response even if it's just that you can't really answer my question.

Some background: I'm in a triad with two other guys (we're mlmlm and I love that for us) and I just absolutely adore them. They're two of the coolest people I've ever met and I kind of instantly wanted to be with them. I'm arospec, so that like literally never happens to me, and I was really surprised by how much I instantly vibed with them (the story of how we met and got together is fairly interesting, but not relevant to this). I've known I was polyam since I was a teen, but being arospec means that I haven't had many long term romantic relationships in my life, so I'm very excited to explore this new stuff.

My problem is that I'm just really insecure that I'm not good enough for them and that I'm just a third wheel that they're taking pity on. I know that's silly and it's just a combination of low self esteem and me internalizing toxic monogamy culture, but they're both so cool and have so much history that I'm just scared that I'm never gonna be as important to them as they are to me. N and H (that's what I'll call them for this) have been best friends for 12 years and have been dating for the past 3, whereas I only even met them a little under a year ago. And in terms of personality, N is so bold and confident and gregarious, and H is so witty and sarcastic and ambitious, whereas I'm just kinda... there.

I know they are attracted to me and want to be in a relationship with me, and I'm communicating with them about my insecurities, so mainly what I want help with is fighting the part of my brain that tells me that I'm just an unimportant extra to their lives. I want to figure out what of value I bring to the relationship and what makes me unique in my dynamic with each of them. I think that would help a lot, so if you have any exercises, or anything else that you think would help, I would appreciate it a lot!! Thanks so much!!

I would love to hear the story of how you met!

I also get having low self-esteem. I’m glad you’re already talking to your partners about how you feel. That’s the ideal first step.

And this totally is an advice blog! I love trying to help people: that’s why I’m here.

I look at things from a very borderline perspective. What works for me isn’t going to work for everyone else.

I have things that I consider “mine”. Like, my areas of interest, my shows, my books, etc. that I prefer others not engage in. I’m a very territorial person, but that means I’m able to bring things to the table that others I know maybe aren’t able to. However, one of the downsides to that is sometimes people aren’t interested in your interests and don’t really care to hear what you have to say about things, and would rather talk about what they like, making you feel left out. A good friend or partner will always listen and ask questions though.

You might be bringing them new relationship energy! I also know that whenever I gain an additional partner it makes me more aware of my current relationship and I end up using that new relationship energy or even new crush energy into being an even more positive partner and checking up on my main relationship. When I feel giddy from flirting with people I take that giddiness and turn it on my boyfriend and flirt with him and tell him how much I love him and how cute he is, etc. so when I’m feeling good, he feels good.

At some point in your life you’ve made a difference. We’ve all fucked up, and when you’re mentally ill it’s REALLY hard not to focus on those moments instead of all the good we’ve done. Just try to remind yourself if you can how much you’ve helped people, and how much you can help your partners by being there for them in the future.

Age old advice, but try your best to avoid self-deprecating thoughts. My mental health has been trash lately, especially the last few days, and my suicidal ideation and negative self esteem is through the roof, and I’m just constantly trashing myself and thinking about how bad of a person I am- and it’s easy because a few days ago I literally had people telling me how shitty and awful and bad I was and that I was selfish and childish- it’s not just my voice, it’s the voices of people I thought were my friends. I’m depressed, I’m in a rut, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to be alive, and every day is a fucking struggle. I’m trying my best to change things in my life to make myself even just a bit better- unfollowing certain people, remaking my discord, anything to avoid anything that’s going to make me feel even worse and try something. I know that no time soon am I going to be able to reorder my thoughts into something less self-deprecating/go over the horrible things that were said to me. But that’s an eventual goal. And even through all of that I make sure I don’t take any of it out on my partner. Because none of it is his fault and he’s been nothing but supportive to me.

Every day is a battle. Some days are good some days aren’t. I wish you the best in your mental health journey as someone who is right there fighting every day with you. Make sure you take care of other areas of your life so that those don’t weigh you down. Don’t ignore problems until they become too big to deal with, because that’s going to affect all parts of your life, including your relationship. And you are cool, I promise. Stay weird, stay sexy, and don’t get murdered.

[thejosh1980]

The Denial Twist...

Today is an anniversary, one that I really don't like to think about, but it is inevitable, after all, the mind wanders...

Today marks 1 year, a full year of hope, that I would get to see my puppy, Mijita.

It was on this day in 2020 that I made the choice to say goodbye to Mijita, and pass her back to her Mum, my ex, for the last time.... I knew I was leaving Dresden, Germany soon, my home for the past 12 years, and that I didn't have permission to bring Mijita along for the ride down under.

I said goodbye, deep down inside, hoping it wasn't the last time I could be her fur-daddy.

Later on, I wrote Mijita a letter. I wrote to her that I loved her, I would miss her and I was so proud of all the things we had done together. I reminded her that she will always have my heart, and that no matter what, I would be there for her. The letter helped me process some of what was going on, as did my blog in October last year, ���My daughter”. However my feelings are still very strong and very raw. Having to say goodbye to my little girl, the perfect symbol of unconditional love and support, was up there with one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make.

We had a connection unlike any other. The trust we had, my goodness, I miss it. I miss her so very very much. I haven't seen a photo or had an update, and she's in the back of my mind daily.

Sometimes when Alex is fast asleep, and I'm not yet tired enough to shut my eyes, my mind wanders back to this beautiful brown ball of energy who experienced a lot of adventures with me, all over Europe. We grew up together. Somehow, through our experiences, she taught me to trust myself.

Mijita was at most of my therapy sessions, a few concerts and most of my personal travel trips. She supported me through my early days of learning to cope with my mental health issues, sobriety and the slow end to the relationship I was in. I always had something to do, someone to take care of, when she was around.

Today, when I think back, I have mixed emotions of love, enjoyment, grief, worry and, mostly, hope.

I still hope, every damn day, that my ex would call me, and say her situation has changed, and would I like to bring Mijita to Australia? Would I heck!!!! I still have money in my savings in Germany just for that very thing!!! Put her on the next plane!!

Lately, I have been thinking about my experiences, and how they relate to hope. Honestly, hope feels evil to me, it robs me of something I just can't put my finger on...

I think about Mijo, my beautiful little kitten who recently had to be put to sleep because his blood was slowly killing him, poisoning him, and no test we had done (while he still had enough blood to do so) would tell us why. I think I spent the better part of 2 months hoping he'd start to put on weight, he'd start to eat, grow and be like any other cat, content. I was hoping with each visit to the vet, the news would be different than the last, the news would be “he's getting better”. When he got really bad, in those last days, I was hoping, wishing, praying, screaming, that he would just get better, because we loved him.

I went into shock and collapsed when he took his last breath and hope could no longer exist for him.

In my last relationship, I spent the better half of it wishing and hoping that we could work it out. I felt like I tried a lot of different approaches, hoping to find a path to a better understanding between us, but it wasn't meant to be. I knew we loved each other and I just hoped, with a bit of work, we could have a good relationship.

I've been in bands, where I was hoping the show would get bigger, better and the band would gain more recognition for being high quality and entertaining. I hoped we'd find a way to encourage more fans to shows, but it never happened. Instead of plateauing, we would sky rocket to success.

I spent the better part of 35 years hoping my Dad, whom I do love very dearly, would be a Dad. He was an example of something else to me, but not a Dad. He just didn't learn or want to learn, how to be fatherly. I kept hoping he'd see the light, and change, but it didn't happen.

When Mijo was gone, and Alex and I were talking about what had happened, one of the things that stood out, like in the other stories above, was how much hope I placed on the situation changing to something positive. One of the conclusions we came to was that my hope was really just denial.

I've come to the realization my feelings of hope, are just hidden feelings of denial. I have denied myself the acknowledgement of what the situation really is, either because I don't like it or can't handle it.

Mijo was really really life threatening sick! Together, my ex and I were really toxic! The bands were just not good enough! My Dad, as much as I love him, does not know how to be a good father!

I should not deny the truth, therefore....

Mijita is no longer my puppy!

With hindsight, any given situation can be a real eye opener, however when you're in the thick of it, how can you really see what is going on? Honestly, while the above situations are all things of the past, Mijita is the only one which could still change. There's still a chance of a positive outcome for me. The circumstances could change, couldn't they?

Kitty could send her over to me, why not, it's possible. I haven't actually given up my right, my ownership, have I? I haven't denied that I am still Mijita's Dad, I surely haven't disowned her. I love her just as much as I did 1 year, 2 years or 4 years ago... Admittedly, I'm a proud and loving Dad, with no rights to his kid.

I guess that's where I am at with this one. I still feel optimistic that things will be different, one day. Mijita was always destined to be here in Australia, since she was born, it was always the plan... Even though it's been a long year without her, she may one day end up back in my arms.

Am I in denial, or is hope truly the last to die?

Thanks for reading,

The Josh