#I haven’t worn jeans in 5 years!

[benevolentbucky]

Instead of dressing up for Halloween I wore jeans, a tshirt, and sneakers to work and I got some really good reactions (one coworker telling me this was the spookiest outfit he’s seen, another literally seeing me and freezing and going “huh?????????”, and another immediately saying “are you wearing PANTS??????”)

[redroomreflections]

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story Chapter 5

Natasha Romanoff x Black!Fem! Reader

Note: This is a repost from my since deactivated account Natsxaddiction. I will be adding the shorter stories to here; 20 chapters or less - sorry TLH fans =(

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Chapter 5/20 (A completed story)

Summary: Natasha and Reader are married. They get into an accident where Natasha suffers serious injuries including amnesia. Natasha no longer remembers her life with reader and their children. All she remembers are her days loving Bruce.

W/c: 5.1k

The key to a good marriage is good communication. Not to go to bed angry with each other. Not to lie to one another. Don’t lie. That’s a big one and if anyone asked you would tell them that you don’t lie. Even then it’s only half the truth. You’ve been lying to people for as long as you can remember. You lied to Natasha for a long time. You’ve been lying to yourself even longer. You stand under the scalding hot water of the shower, trying to stand strong, as you think about all of the events of the past few weeks. Of all the reactions you expected from Natasha, her pulling out a knife was surprising. For years, she’s been your rock and you hers. Since Ultron physically hurting each other has always been off the list. Training sessions were a different platform and often your initial aggression towards each other was handled in the gym of the compound. Going from lovers to enemies to lovers again has been a whirlwind of emotions. Even though all your feelings for her haven’t changed, you can't help but have the tiniest bit of anger at her actions.  

There was a time when you remembered you were happy. Trips to the compound meant fun, joy, and love for your family. Other times it meant work but even then you were okay with visiting. Today, it means something different. You’re nervous about how Natasha will act in front of everyone else. You’re even more scared that Wanda will say something. You’ve already given her notice about Natasha’s attitude and you know she will be on edge about it. For Wanda is your protector, and you are hers. Ever since Pietro died it's a silent promise you made to each other. It’s comforting knowing that even if you’re at odds with your person you have another one in your corner. You can’t wait to hug her. Maybe you’ll get a moment alone to sit with her and tell her how you’re really feeling. Your mind keeps replaying the events of last night like a broken record. Seeing Natasha pull out that knife terrified you though you won’t admit it to her. She looked at you with anger you haven’t seen in years. As if she doesn’t know you. In her eyes, she doesn’t. You’re another stranger that’s lied to her and you understand that. You’re not expecting her to dismiss it. Her hurt is just as valid as it was all those years ago. 

You only wish you had a bit more time to tell her. Natasha’s never been a patient one. 

You step out of the shower, listening for the sound of the girls down in the living room before you walk to your closet. You’re not up to dressing in your usual dressy fits. Natasha used to tease you about how fancy you always looked. Every shirt or dress you touch holds memories. The black and white sweater dress. You’d worn that to a date night with dinner served on a rooftop. After the delicious dinner, Natasha took you home where you barely made it through the door before she was all over you. A silk blouse that you wore when you signed the deed for the house. All memories of the life you’ve been sharing with Natasha. 

You find your bearings, opting for a simple green oversized sweater, loose-fitting jeans, and white socks. You brush your hair into a messy ponytail before walking out of the closet in search of your shoes. A compound is a huge place and you’re going to have to keep both girls in check. You’re bent over your bed, a blanket tossed over the side, as you reach under the bed for your second sneaker. When you stand up notice it. Almost like a zoom lens, your eyes focus on Natasha’s wedding band sitting on its lonesome on her dresser. The responding EMTs gave it to you in a small Ziploc bag after the accident. You had been banged up and bruised but otherwise fine. You waited one long gruesome hour in your own hospital bed for them to tell you anything. No one had answers for you then and that only made things worse. Your mind went through every scenario where the doctor would come in and tell you she died. You remember the nausea that took over your body when you saw a representation of your love in such a careless piece of plastic. You walk over to the dresser, reaching above you to unclip your necklace, to add the ring to it. It slips on easily as you clip the necklace back around your neck. You inspect yourself in the mirror as you hold the ring between your fingers. It serves as a reminder to keep moving forward. 

“Mama, we are ready,” Olivia interrupts your thinking as she stands in the doorway of your bedroom. You give her a once over, noticing her shoes are on the wrong feet when you wave her over. You hold her around her waist, helping her over to the bed so you can kneel to help with her shoes. 

“I have to pack your backpack,” You inform her. “Is there anything you want to bring and show for Auntie Wanda?”

“I think my dolls,” Olivia nods. She raises her left foot for you to place it inside of her shoe. “Mommy, can I go to the doctor and get that thing on my arm like Mama?”

“What thing?” You ask absentmindedly. 

“On Mama’s arm,” Olivia gestures. “She said I can color on it.” 

“I don’t think those are for sale but I can buy you markers,” You offer, now understanding that she’s referring to the cast on Natasha’s arm. She seems satisfied with that answer. You finish strapping her shoes before patting her legs. “Go get your dolls.” You instruct and she toddles out of the room. 

You sigh, standing to your full height, before tucking your phone in your pocket. The next stop is the compound. You quickly pack the girls a bag filled with Lily’s diapers, a few snacks for them, spare clothes for both of them, and wipes. Lots of wipes. From past experiences, you know that's the number one thing you need. You reach the foyer where Natasha is waiting for the girls. Everyone has their shoes on, completely dressed, and jackets zipped. You go over to the key dish finding it empty. 

“I’m driving,” Natasha doesn’t leave much room for argument. 

“Natasha, that’s ridiculous,” You shake your head. “You have a broken wrist and ribs there’s no way you can drive. Top that with the medications you’re taking. It’s unsafe.”

“As opposed to driving with you?” Natasha argues. That’s a low blow. “We don’t all have a shield to keep us safe.” At your face, she continues. “I did notice it last night.”

You take a deep breath. “Nat, that is completely uncalled for and if you have questions I’m happy to answer them. I can cancel lunch and we can stay here. I won’t be doing this in front of the girls.” You gesture to Olivia whos watching both of you. “If you want I will order an uber and pay the insane fee for all four of us to drive or you will get in the car with me and just trust that I can get us there safely. Either way, I’m not going to let too many of those comments pass.” You speak firmly. 

There’s a moment of silence between you and you can see the wheels turning in Natasha’s head. She’s thinking about this and how far she wants to take it. You’re right. She doesn’t want to fight in front of the girls. She reaches into her pants pocket, tossing you the keys, and you catch them. 

“Thank you,” You nod. You pick up Lily and take Olivia’s hand as you all pile out of the door. You turn to lock the front door and show Natasha to the car. Olivia climbs into her own seat and waits patiently for you to strap her in. Next is Lily and you have a little more trouble as she mewls at the idea of being strapped in. Natasha watches you curiously. She wants to see how you’re going to calm her. You reach into the diaper bag, grabbing a sippy cup of frozen breast milk, and her eyes immediately light up. You’re on your last few frozen bags and soon you won’t have the small remedy. Lily takes the sippy cup with urgency, immediately bringing it to her mouth to drink. 

You round the car to get into the driver’s side, taking a deep breath, before buckling yourself in. Natasha climbs into the passenger side and does the same. “Look, Natasha, I understand you’re feeling conflicted and everything is confusing for you right now. I know I’m not your favorite person right now.” You look into the backseat where both girls are occupied. “I just don’t want to do any of this in front of the girls. That’s something we promised to each other.” You leave it at that. You start the car, making sure to check beside you before you drive off. 

The car ride is done in relative silence. Olivia asks a question ever so often, prompting either you or Natasha to answer, as you drive. Most of them Natasha can answer as they’re simple and general. Why is the sky blue? Why do people walk when there are cars? Why does that man lives on the street? Where does the subway sleep at night? Finally, she gets to one that stumps Natasha. 

“Mama, can we call Auntie Lena later?” Olivia asks. “I haven’t seen her in a long time.” 

Out of your peripheral, you can see Natasha tense. She’s trying to connect the dots and sure enough, she’s landing on Yelena. You can tell she hasn’t thought about Yelena during this time. Seeing Melina and Alexei was more than enough of a shock for her. It’s another piece of her life missing that she has to think about. Natasha’s mouth falls open like a fish out of water. She doesn’t have an answer. 

“Mama?” Olivia asks again. 

“I can call her for you later,” You answer for Natasha. Your eyes remain on the road the entire time. “I’m sure Auntie Yelena misses you. She’s in Rome right now on business.”

“Oh, she’s on business?” Olivia repeats as she looks out of the window. She’s pretty used to this sort of answer so she doesn’t ask for more than that. “Is she hungry?”

You smile at her curiosity. “I hope not. If anything we can send her some food.”

“Like spaghetti?” Olivia volunteers. 

“If that's what she wants we can order her spaghetti,” You laugh. Olivia quiets down after that. Besides Wanda, Yelena is Olivia’s favorite aunt to interact with. Laura is also high on that list. She’s come a long way from being the little girl that was afraid of pretty much everything and everyone. 

“Is her number inside my phone?” Natasha asks quietly. She folds her arms against her chest, a sign of nerves that you know well. 

“It is,” You answer. “I think she would enjoy hearing from you. She was pretty worried after the accident and everything but couldn’t come home in time.” You inform her. Natasha nods. “You two are pretty close. I’d think almost closer than Wanda and I.” You add. Natasha processes this in silence, turning so her body faces the door more, and that’s how you know the conversation has ended.

******************************** 

When you arrive at the compound you go through a series of security checkpoints. You offer your name, “Y/n y/l/n - Romanoff,” though no introduction is needed. You give them the names of everyone else in the car and with one look from Natasha, you’re allowed through. 

“This compound has been here for years and you’d think they would let me in on the first try,” You shake your head. You know the real reason behind the guards' hesitance. One that everyone else isn’t privy to except for Sam. He’s called on plenty of occasions for Tony to ask his staff to let him through. 

“Does that happen often?” Natasha asks and you nod. 

“Perks of the job,” You shrug. Being a superhero had its advantages but this was not one of them. You drive down the mile-long driveway to park in front of the compound doors just like always. You place the car in park, thanking the high heavens that you made it safely, while you relax in your seat.

“Mommy, potty!” Lily announces from her chair. In times like now, she’s good with announcing when she has to go but you’re not very expectant that she will. 

“Okay, I’ll hurry,” You call to her. “Nat, Olivia knows the way to the lounge, she will quite literally drag you to it,” You take the keys. You leave Natasha with Olivia while you rush Lily to the first bathroom you can. 

“Mama, are you ready?” Olivia asks from her seat. She’s so excited to see her Aunt Wanda and her uncles. 

“Yes, Myshka, I’m ready,” Natasha speaks quietly. She finds herself anxious but she’d never admit it out loud. Natasha finds that you were right about Olivia dragging her inside of the compound. She pulls her forward, almost into the plexiglass doors that slide open as if they were made in a grocery store. 

“It can see my face, Mama, and your face,” Olivia points to one of the security cameras on the wall to her left. Natasha tries to take in everything. From the high ceilings, the newly buffed floors, and the exorbitant displays of wealth that can only be Tony’s doing. “It’s cool right?” Olivia understands a little bit about Natasha’s ‘sickness’ by taking notes from you and your recent task of telling her everything. “We have to go through the doors. There are two. Then down a long, long, long hallway, and then we get to the ‘Venger’s lounge.” Olivia explains. 

Natasha is a little winded at the pace and distance they’re going and so she asks Olivia to slow down. 

“Oops, I’m sorry,” Olivia giggles. She walks slower, giving a leisurely pace, as she points to Natasha all of her favorite things inside the compound. Once they reach the lounge, Natasha is completely abandoned as Olivia spots her favorite cousin, Morgan playing with a set of blocks. “Morgan! Hi, Morgan.” Olivia greets her. They look to be around the same age though Morgan is a bit taller. 

Natasha is left to look around the place, finding the rest of the adults in the kitchen. She stands by the doorway, watching you come from another one with Lily on your hips. 

“Hello all,” You greet Pepper with a kiss on her cheek and Tony a slap on his back that almost makes him choke on whatever drink he’s drinking. Natasha snickers in the corner but she chooses to remain silent and watch. You give Sam a fist bump and Steve another kiss on his cheek. There’s a woman Natasha recognizes as Sharon Carter. Sharon takes Lily, tickling her, and causing her to laugh. 

There’s another woman that you greet that has Natasha’s blood running cold. You wrap your arms around Wanda, giving her several wet kisses on her cheek, and she proceeds to wipe them off. From the outside, it's an endearing exchange between sisters, but for Natasha, it only causes more confusion. 

“Mama, are we spying?” Olivia whispers almost startling Natasha. She looks up at her mother with pure mischief in her eyes. 

“We aren’t but I do have to say you’re a good spy, I barely noticed you,” Natasha chuckles. 

“There she is!” Tony cheers when he notices Natasha in the doorway. He rounds the counter to approach her, holding out his hand for her to shake, as he walks. “Hello, nice to meet you again, I’m Tony Stark. I don’t know if you remember me but I’m your very, very rich best friend.”

“I remember you, Tony,” Natasha rolls her eyes. “Best friend is pushing it.” She looks him over. He looks older and a bit more mature. Maybe Pepper has finally tamed the wild beast that is Tony Stark. 

“Ouch, you wound me,” Tony holds his hand over his heart. “Though I do understand the best friend title was transferred to Y/n a long time ago.” Tony gestures to you. He bends down to greet Olivia. “What’s up, munchkin, did you steal any hearts today?” 

Oliva laughs at Tony’s ridiculousness. “No, Uncle, I don’t steal. Mama says it’s bad.” 

“That’s right it is,” Natasha brushes down some of Olivia’s hair. 

“Come join the rest of the team,” Tony invites them further into the kitchen. “Did you meet Morgan out there?”

“She’s your kid?” Natasha’s eyes widen. 

“The one and only,” Tony nods. “Pepper carried her right in the oven here. I’m trying to get her to give me one more. A boy.” Tony wraps his arm around Pepper’s shoulder and she blushes. 

“That’s not happening,” Pepper laughs. She pushes Tony’s arm from her shoulder. “Hello, Natasha.” 

“Hello, Pepper.” Natasha gives her a small smile. 

“We missed you around here, Red,” Sam says from his chair. The sentiment is shared by everyone else in the room. Olivia goes around the room to give everyone a hug before she lands on Wanda. Wanda bends down to pull Olivia in her arms, taking her over to the stove where she shows her what she is cooking. Natasha doesn’t know if it’s a conscience move on her part not to introduce herself but she does it for her. 

“You’re Wanda right?” Natasha addresses her and green eyes raise to look at her. 

“Yes, I am,” Wanda nods. “We met a long time ago. I am y/n’s sister.” She introduces. 

“I remember how we met,” Natasha nods. “It’s amazing how much the team has changed.” You narrow your eyes, seeing the shade for what it is, but you remain silent. 

“Everyone has a past but we all joined the team to make the world a better place and wipe our ledgers,” Wanda offers and you pinch her side to get her to stop. You didn't bring Natasha here for them to argue. Wanda barely flinches but she does give you an annoyed look. 

“Who’s car did you drive?” Steve questions. He comes to stand beside Natasha. He gives her a smile.

“A rental,” You wave the keys. “The insurance companies are still investigating and we are going through everything. Our car was totaled.”

“If you need I can have another one to you by the end of this week?” Tony shrugs. He has connections in every single part of this country and others. You don’t doubt he could have you three new cars by the time he hangs up the phone. 

“We can talk later about it if that’s okay,” You nod.  You would rather not discuss the accident at this moment. 

“Can I sign your cast?” Sam holds up a black sharpie. 

“No, Uncle Sam, me first.” Olivia frowns. 

“Have at it,” Natasha holds up her arm and grins when Olivia comes to write her name. She hasn’t completely mastered it yet but she does get the letter O and a squiggly line to accent it. That’s when the rest of the team volunteers and one by one Natasha’s cast is filled with words of wisdom and love. This is the first time in days you’ve seen Natasha so relaxed. Finally, it’s time for you and Wanda to sign. Wanda gives a polite decline but you’re the only person that can’t give a simple no. 

“I think I’m going to give my own message later,” You give a coy smile. If anything you’re still a bit uneasy with Natasha and you’re sure she is with you too. 

“Oh boy, you know what that means,” Tony grumbles. “Don’t tell me you’ll need a babysitter tonight.” He jokes. 

“It has been a long week,” Sam joins in on the teasing, and Natasha’s brow furrows. She’s not dumb she can understand what they’re implying. 

“That’s enough,” You quiet them down though your tone never changes. “Are we going to eat lunch anytime soon or are we here to talk about very private things?” You ask. “I don’t know man,” Sam laughs, and before he has time to react you tap your fingers across the counter sending a surge of magic directly to his hands. He jumps back, giving a small ouch, as he shakes them off. 

“Lunch is ready,” Wanda turns off the stove. Sharon lets Lily down onto her feet and she begins to race around the kitchen with Olivia running after her. 

“Girls, be careful,” You instruct and they run from the kitchen out to where Morgan is still playing. Plates are carried to the big dining table and when Natasha doesn’t sit next to you everyone does take notice. No one is bold enough to speak on it. 

You sit next to Wanda, engaging in small talk with her, as the rest of the team converses with Natasha. Mainly it’s the men giving her a rundown of Avenger’s operations. She’s interested in everything that’s been going on. Lunch goes by without a hitch and you dismiss yourself to go and feed the girls. Truthfully, you need a moment without Natasha there. 

“Since the Accords, it’s been an uphill battle but saving the world isn’t some political minefield,” Steve shakes his head. 

“The Accords,” Natasha repeats. She sits up in her chair. “What are those?”

“Documents signed by about 100,” Steve begins. 

“117,” Tony corrects him. 

“117 countries to regulate the activities of enhanced beings,” Steve continues. “Basically the Avengers are no longer a private organization. Technically we are at the mercy of the government and everyone else.”

“And how did that come about?” Natasha wipes her mouth with a napkin. 

The table is silent for a second conscious of Wanda’s feelings about the situation. She was young and she’s still so young. The youngest in the group besides Peter.  

“There was an accident in Lagos, Nigeria,” Wanda is the one to speak. “There was a mission. A bomb. I did what I had to do and it hurt a lot of people.” She knows she’s dumbing it down but it’s really all Natasha needs to know. 

“So you’re solely responsible for it?” Natasha looks over at her with a challenge. “I’m not seeing how those powers are a help to the team. Or any of us. Really it seems they’re only there to serve the people that wield them.” 

“Whoa,” Steve says and Sam gives a low whistle. 

“My powers have their cons,” Wanda says. “Y/n’s though, she’s used them for plenty of times. Like saving your life.” 

“You mean the accident?” Natasha tilts her head. 

“No,” Wanda says. “I mean if you can look past whatever this is you have going on you would realize she loves you. A lot. You’ve been home two days and you woke up with your guns blazing. Not a real surprise for you but I won’t allow you to tear down her character.” Wanda stands to go and find you. 

The rest of the table sits awkwardly, no one daring to ask what that was about before Natasha stands too. She walks in the opposite direction in search of an exit. She needs a bit of air. Maybe she overstepped and crossed a boundary. Maybe she should have been a bit nicer. What she doesn’t regret is how she feels. In her memory, she met Wanda one time before this, which wasn’t a good meeting. The woman slipping into her mind caused her a lot of pain. It’s something that she counts as one of her worst experiences. 

“Hey,” Steve steps out onto the veranda to stand beside her. He’s holding two glasses of water, passing one to Natasha, and keeping one for himself.

“Hey,” Natasha breathes. 

“That was interesting,” Steve looks over the wooded skyline. “What was that about really?”

Natasha sucks her teeth but never gives him an answer. She doesn't want another one of his speeches about how she should be a good person or give anyone else a chance. 

“Did you know how we met?” Natasha asks. It's a rhetorical question. Yet she still wants an answer. 

“I did,” Steve nods in understanding. 

“And you were able to get past that?” 

“I was,” Steve shrugs. “I’m a pretty forgiving person. You on the other hand hold a grudge.”

“Didn’t seem to work if I’m married to her,” Natasha grumbles. 

“Ah,” Steve breathes. “She told you and what happened? You blew up?” At Natasha’s look, he chuckles. 

“Don’t pretend you know me, Steve Rogers.” Natasha sets down her glass next to her feet. 

“But I do,” Steve shakes his head. “You and y/n are a team. If you don’t listen to me maybe you can have Clint here to come and knock some sense into your thick head. He and y/n are like the only people you listen to.”

“Maybe I will give him a call,” Natasha relents. 

“You’re allowed to be angry, Romanoff, but if you don’t view her as your wife right now view her as your teammate,” Steve suggests. “I don’t know how that works for you but as your captain, I say get it together. I won’t have this on my team.”

“You can’t kick me off the team,” Natasha raises a brow. 

“I can’t,” Steve gives her that. “But I will be very disappointed if you don’t give yourself a chance. Memories or not. She’s there for you.” Steve leaves her to sit with her thoughts once again. Hopefully this time she understands that. 

****************************

Meanwhile, in the lounge, you and Wanda are sitting with the girls. Morgan and Olivia are having their own special tea party while Lily sits at your feet with a doll. You’re having a private conversation with her. Wanda recounted the conversation with Natasha to you. 

“I have no words,” You sigh. “I want to give it a chance. She hasn’t been home very long. I think with time maybe she’ll see?” You don’t say names and you don’t give many contexts in case the very attentive three-year-old across from you picks up on it. 

“I understand,” Wanda rests a hand on your knee. “Through all of that don’t hesitate to come to me.”

You nod silently. “I want to talk to Tony or someone about my powers.” You confess to her. You avoid her gaze before forcing yourself to look into her concerned green eyes. “The accident happened so fast and we both know my shield works instantly. It’s most of the time an unconscious fear thing but I’ve learned to control it since HYDRA.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Maybe it was the hormones?” You wonder aloud. You were preparing your body for IVF and it seems a bit farfetched but you’re not exactly sure. “I’ve kept her safe before and that’s the only thing that’s been different lately. I don’t understand?” You look down at your hands. “I know she blames me.” You lower your tone. “I don’t have answers for her either.”

“It’s called an accident for a reason,” Wanda reminds you. 

“Even still,” You can’t fathom any of it. “What if the girls were in the car? What if they were hurt too?”

“They weren’t and they’re both perfectly fine,” Wanda points over to Olivia who is pouring herself another pretend tea to drink. “You can’t keep thinking about what happened and beating yourself up about it.” 

“I know,” You nod. You can feel a familiar warmth through your body and you turn to find Natasha standing nearby. She’s been watching you. 

“I’m ready,” She speaks curtly. Truth be told you’re a bit surprised she wants to come home with you. 

“Yeah, yeah,” You look down at Lily. “Let me say goodbye to everyone else.” You stand to go and gather your things. You look back to Wanda. “Be nice.” You warn your sister. Wanda’s not one for confrontation but she’s also not one to stand down from a fight. They don’t speak until you leave the room. 

“What you said about her earlier,” Natasha raises her chin. “About saving me what did you mean?” 

Wanda stands, walking over to another side of the room, where the girls can't hear. She expects Natasha to follow and she does. Though she keeps a comfortable guarded distance.

“A couple of years ago,” Wanda says. “There was a mission you had in some part of Brazil.”

“What? The one where we got the girls?” Natasha questions. 

“That’s the one,” Wanda frowns. “It was another place like Hydra. Experiments and things. I don’t know the full details but you two along with Steve and Sam had been appointed to that area. Something happened and someone aimed some kind of magical weapon at you. It was supposed to kill you and instead, Y/n absorbed it. That’s when you found the girls and their mother. Y/n held on until you remained safe at the hospital. She passed out for a week after that.” 

This clearly makes Natasha uncomfortable to think about. 

“She’s cared about you for a long time, Natasha,” Wanda finishes just as you step into the room. 

“This makes me look like an asshole,” Natasha admits aloud.

“It does,” Wanda agrees.

“I have the car ready,” You pick up Lily before calling over to Olivia. “Morgan, we will set up a playdate with your mother soon.” You kiss the little brunette on her forehead. She waves you goodbye. 

Natasha doesn’t give Wanda a goodbye or anything. She walks to the car in silence. She was sitting in the front seat with a frown on her face. 

How was she supposed to feel now? 

************************

When you get home, Natasha asks to see one of the family photo albums. You show her and give her time to absorb all of the information. She seems a bit overwhelmed by it all and excuses herself to her bedroom where she doesn’t come out for the rest of the day. 

You talked about a lot of things with her. The biggest shocker was that she had been breastfeeding Lily. It still seems surreal to her and yet it makes sense. The constant soreness in her chest is understandable. Even as she stands here in front of the mirror, looking at herself, inspecting the changes in her body. She still looks relatively the same. Save for the purple bruising around her ribs and the cast she looks the same. 

She slips off her bra, looking down at her breasts, noting the heaviness of them. She doesn’t know anything about breastfeeding. She also doesn't know how to express the milk for Lily to drink. She’s much too embarrassed and distrustful to ask you. Though she feels it would be a huge help to pump. Throwing on a shirt, she walks to your bedroom, where she finds the pump on her side of the bed. She grabs it. Rushing back into her bedroom, she closes and locks the door behind her. She opens her phone, finding a video to guide her through. 

“Position the breast shield over your breast,” The woman in the video gives clear directions. Natasha does as told, struggling with the right position before she feels she has it. She turns it on, groaning in shock when the suction is a bit more than she’s used to. She stops the pumping, noting that her sensitivity doesn't help, as she tries to prepare herself again. Once she feels that she is ready, she turns it on again, breathing through her nose, as the machine does what it’s supposed to. 

For a while, Natasha doesn’t see anything and she feels as if none of what you said is true. Until a small droplet of liquid gold drops into the bottle. Natasha can’t take her eyes off the machine as she watches more droplets, rather feels the warm, tingling sensation leave her breasts. Actual tears come to her eyes as she realizes this is something she’s been able to do for her baby. 

Damn the Red Room and damn Dreykov. 

Here alone in this bedroom, she realizes her life is vastly different than what she thought it would be. 

[silverfoxstole]

And… it’s done! One finished waistcoat and shirt combo.

Apart from a few hiccups (such as when I accidentally dyed the first lot of cotton lawn for the shirt cream - oops), it’s all turned out pretty much as I’d envisioned.

The shirt is my go-to shirt pattern, the Sewaholic Granville, which I’ve made many times. I removed the back princess seams a while ago to save matching a busy fabric, and this time I opted not to bother with pockets as they never get used. It’s very light and should be cool to wear in the summer, either as a coverup or tied at the waist.

For the waistcoat I’d originally intended using the Style Arc Joy pattern even though it doesn’t have a collar and I ideally wanted one; before I bought it however I happened to receive an email full of waistcoat patterns (serendipity or what?) and found New Look 6914 which features five different styles, two with collars. Normally I shy away from Big Four patterns (unless it’s for outerwear) because they’re so unreliable regarding measurements; fortunately I read a few reviews that mentioned the ridiculous amount of ease (5 and a half inches!!) so opted to go down a couple of sizes which turned out to be the right decision. I didn’t bother to toile and it’s more or less spot-on though I did have to make my usual alterations for princess seams, taking them in over the bust and into the armholes front and back. It’s a straightforward pattern to follow, but one thing I would do if I make it again is change the way it’s bagged out as the method used makes it awkward to sew and impossible to adjust the side seams.

The instructions use the main fabric for both back and front but as that’s not what happens with traditional waistcoats I opted for satin as both back and lining, which turned out to be something of a headache. The fabric was less stable than the one I used for my coat lining and I really should have overlocked all the edges before I started; I decided to zigzag so as not to have to re-thread the overlocker, which I hate doing, and the stuff just frayed through the extra stitching, resulting in some holes that had to be (not very neatly as I’m a poor hand sewer) fixed afterwards. I’m just hoping the whole thing doesn’t disintegrate after a few wears! It’s definitely not going near the washing machine just in case.

While I wanted a waistcoat anyway, not having worn one since the early nineties, after I’d made my Dark Eyes jacket I thought it would be fun to make something else that was a take on one of the Eighth Doctor’s costumes but that I could wear as part of my usual wardrobe. There wasn’t a lot of choice as far as fabric went; I wanted brocade, and this was the closest I could find. In colour it’s more akin to the one Paul wore for Power of the Doctor, but if you used the wrong side it would actually be a little closer to the one from NotD, something I didn’t notice until I was partway through. It frayed a lot, though not as much as the satin, and as i worked I got covered in bits and threads. I have no idea why I always choose to wear black jeans whenever I sew with fabric that sheds but it happens every single time! Thank goodness for lint rollers!

Now, because I’d based these pieces on a costume, I just had to get a couple of other bits to finish it off, didn’t I? ����

The scarf is a little chiffon one that I could wear with other things for a vintage look; the chain is just that, no watch as the pockets are false welts.

Cue the obligatory mirror selfies (for once turned the right way round)! Unfortunately I haven’t owned a pair of lace-up knee boots in about twenty five years, which is a shame.

I also recreated that transitionary look I drew a while ago, with the jacket:

Now I am starting to really want to take on the NotD coat. I love frock coats and I’ve always wanted one, plus I’ve found some fabric and a perfect pattern…

[joanofexys]

Tell me more about these ocs 👀

(Sorry for anon I'm kinda 😅)

you’re all good, hun! anons are always welcome!!

okay okay so I have my main four AFTG OCs

Florian Laska, Mara Fasil, Emiko Moriyama, and Ilya Kostyk

here’s a post essentially rambling about Florian and Mara

key points are:

they were partners in the nest

Florian’s now a striker, Mara’s still a dealer

they play for the US Olympic team

Florian is 19 like Jean and Neil and dropped out of college, Mara is 23 and graduated in 4 years instead of 5

Florian’s an amputee, lost his left leg and maintains it was an accident that happened during practice

they’re extremely codependent still

they’re a PR nightmare, especially Mara

I haven’t actually talked about Em or Ilya much

Summary of Em (she/her):

middle child

25 years old

yes I created an OC who’s a Moriyama sibling sue me

so extremely gay

backliner

also plays for the olympic team

estranged from essentially all members of her family after graduating from EAU

Em’s lovely, not cause she’s a great person but cause she loves her Raven’s fiercely (especially those who have left the team) and she will start any number of fights for them. She’s nowhere near perfect and she should be seeing a therapist but she is trying her goddamn hardest to be the complete opposite of pretty much everyone in her family

I think she gets along well with Renee and once Jean transfers to the Trojans she definitely reaches out to some of them even just to check in. Her and Thea are also good friends. I don’t think she’s worn the color black since she’s graduated, the girl looks like a rainbow and I support her. She’s extremely affectionate with her current teammates which might be partially because of how hard she checks them during practices

I think that’s most of what i’ve got for her

Ilya (he/they):

Is my only non-Raven OC lmao

22 years old

Played for Penn State (graduated in 4 years)

Goalkeeper

If it's not obvious at this point he's a olympic player, i'm basically creating a whole team lmao

transman cause i said so and that's very important to me

has 3 sisters who he's very close to, youngest child

they speak English, Spanish, and ASL and they're teaching Flor ASL

Ilya my beloved. He's such a little shit and I think we're all better off for it tbh. They're so loud and take up space and I honestly think he's the perfect person to show Flor how to do so. I do think he and Florian end up dating at some point in the future cause I think they work really well together.

They are truly just some guy. Grew up in a great and supportive family and they all love him dearly. He's gets on great with most people except for the Ravens and so it takes a minute for him to warm up to Florian and Mara especially and he and Mara still butt heads plenty but he and Florian got partnered together for drills and it was like their little bonding moment

After the events of TKM he truly becomes the foxes #1 fan. He is rooting for them constantly and so annoying about it.

Ummmm idk I have trouble thinking of stuff without specifics to go off of so that's what's bouncing around in my head atm

[soulofapatrick]

Never Leave Me Tommy - Tommy Miller x Reader

Summary: Part 5 of the Instant Attraction series. Tommy and Y/N spend your first day apart and well... Tommy realises he never wants you to leave him; the feeling being mutual

Words: 2.9k

Warning: Smut (p in v); overstimulation

Y/N’s POV

The bed is empty when I awake to the sunlight streaming in but there’s a messy scrawl of a note on the bedside table. Tommy got called on an emergency patrol as there’s apparently a bunch of infected that the original patrol need help with. I can’t not smile at the way he thought about leaving me a note even if he was in a rush as time is of the essence when patrol goes wrong - it was one of the first lessons Maria taught me. 

Tommy won’t be back for a while so it’s probably a good time to explore Jackson and try make some friends as Maria told me I should try and settle in, not just with the Miller brother and Ellie. She’s right. Annoyingly. So I pull my aching body from the soft sheets, finding my worn bra and some jeans to add to the boxers and shirt so I look somewhat decent and keeping my modesty. There’s socks in the top draw so I borrow a pair before trudging down the stairs, slipping into my boots before grabbing a jacket. It’s Tommy’s fleece lined jean jacket again, he must have left it for me. He’s such a damn sweetheart, I hope he’s okay out there. He better come back to me alive or I’m going to raise fucking hell. 

The settlement is loud and bustling despite the outbreak and I envy the community feel to it all, knowing they stare and whisper. The canteen is still open, luckily, so I grab a plate and help myself to a portion of breakfast before turning to find an empty space but every table has at least one person. Someone’s waving, he seems a little older than Ellie but I’ll take it as he’s not judging but offering me the empty seat opposite him so I weave through the tables until I’m there. 

“Y/N right?” His voice is oozing with southern charm but it’s not flirty like most and it definitely doesn’t fit his appearances. He’s obviously Asian American, I expected an American just not the amount of southern lilt to it and he seems to understand my surprise, “I was raised in South Carolina before my mum brought me and my younger brother here for sanctuary.” 

“Nice to meet you…” I trail off, he hasn’t said his name. 

“Jesse,” He holds out his hand politely so I reach over the table and shake it before digging into my food, “I’m seventeen if that’s going to be your next question.” So three years older than Ellie and three years younger than me. Exactly between our ages. He’s so easy to talk to, I love it, and I can just tell we’re going to be best friends. From the lopsided smile he sends me, he can sense it too, “So you and Tommy hit it off pretty quickly. I think everyones glad as he was starting to drive us all crazy.” 

“They seem more judgemental,” I reply quietly and he laughs lightly, a musical sound, “I guess that’s a given as I’m new?” 

“You did arrive with the famous Joel Miller that Tommy could not shut up about and that mouthy girl, Ellie.” Jesse points out and yeah, he has a fair point. I didn’t arrive to Jackson quietly, the way Joel and Tommy reunited in the town square and the way everyone could finally put a face to the name seeing as Tommy would not talking about Joel it seems. He really does love his older brother, Joel should know all those fears he had about Tommy not wanting to see him again were stupid and Tommy painted him like a hero. Joel is a hero even if he doesn’t see it. 

Jesse and I fall into a comfortable silence, eating breakfast and drinking the sweet orange juice that makes me think of before the outbreak. I haven’t hadn’t half of this food since the outbreak, the QZs not being generous with their food and then on the road, it was a miracle when we found canned goods like ‘Chef Boyardee’. It takes a lot of self-restraint not to eat like a starved animal as I don’t want to make more of a scene than I already am by being in the canteen. I want to spend every day from here on out, the sense of community a little overwhelming but it’s definitely something I could get used to. 

“Come on, I have inventory to do, you can join me.” Jesse stands once our plates are clean so I just nod and follow him, putting my plate and cutlery in the designated racks. It’s cold outside, Tommy’s jacket putting up a fight to keep me warm as we walk through the settling snow. It’s pretty, the snowflakes clinging to every surface as we head towards the small hut I saw a few days ago, curious about what it was. Guess I’m about to find out seeing as Jesse is pulling keys from his pocket and unlocking the door, holding it open for me to go first. As much as I trust Jesse my nerves are still fried so I just stand there, staring at him until he shrugs, “Understandable.” Stepping in first. I follow him to find myself in a small shed that is full of all types of weapons and ammo. 

Ellie would lose her fucking mind if she saw this room, the same reaction she had when seeing Bill’s armoury. Fucking nerd. She’s right though, all this is so fucking cool, I can’t help myself as I run my hands over every gun. The cool metal familiar under my rough fingertips, having been brought up to fight with any available weapon but the one thing I want the most is hidden away in the corner. A bow and quiver of arrows, they’re tucked away as if not touched for years which is fair enough as you’d have to be faster than a clicker grabbing the arrows and firing them. Guns are the ideal weapon for this post apocalyptic world but they’re calling me so I’m picking up the bow, feeling Jesse watching me. It’s a little old but still strong, the string still taut as I pull it back as if firing an arrow, it sings when I let it go and the sound is beautiful. I don’t know why people wouldn’t use bow and arrows when able to anymore. 

“Is it true you’re the Ghost?” Jesse asks, sitting on the table as he watches me with those dark eyes, no judgement or any emotion in them really, “I’ve heard stories but I don’t think you’re the antihero people paint you as. I’m guessing you did it out of love or loss. Only those two emotions can cause a reaction like…” He trails of, shrugging lightly. 

“Loss,” I mumble back, setting the bow back down and joining him at the table, eyes skimming over the notes laid out with the amounts of ammo and guns and what types there are. People’s names are next to some of them so I guess that’s for whoever they belong to or who uses them the most, “My older brother got infected and I had to look after my little brother.” 

“I’m sorry.” Again, no judgement or sympathy. Just words, “We should begin counting everything or Maria is gonna be annoyed. She’s already stressed about the recent influx of infected in the area recently. You can keep the bow and arrows by the way. Take them home with you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Nothing to thank me for.” 

*

It’s almost dark by the time Jesse and I are emerging from the mini armoury Jackson has. The bow and arrows are secure on my back, the weight of them being familiar like a weight I’ve missed. I wait for Jesse to lock the doors before we head towards the residential area of Jackson, the snow heavier now and ankle deep. It’s refreshing, the way it clings to Tommy’s coat and my hair and the way Jesse’s voice carries my way with the soft breeze. He’s telling me about his arrival in Jackson and making friends with Dina who is his girlfriend, she sounds like the girl Ellie yelled at when we arrived. Jesse laughs at it and confirms it is her, I must tell Ellie that then. 

“See you tomorrow Y/N.” Jesse hugs me when we stop outside of Tommy’s, surprising me so I barely have time to hug him back before he’s disappearing into the night with a grin and a wave. The lights are on in the house, meaning Tommy’s back from patrol, he’s probably tired as well so I try and be as quiet as I can when slipping inside. 

Tommy’s passed out on the couch, still in his patrol uniform so I take extra care with being silent. It comes natural to me, all those years creeping up on clickers and bloaters so he doesn’t even stir as I take my shoes and jacket off, setting the bow and quiver next to the door. I decide it’s my turn to cook so I lightly pad to the kitchen, stretching my tired shoulders until they pop before raiding the fridge. There’s bacon, milk, cheese which could be made into cheesy pasta if we have pasta and flour. Not infected flour. 

He stays asleep until the aroma of sizzling bacon and creamy cheese sauce fills the air, causing him to sit up with a soft groan. The sauce is bubbling happily away enough for me to leave it for a few minutes to check on him, having not seen him all day. I’m kneeling between Tommy’s legs, holding his face in my hands as I memorise the freckles smeared across that sun kissed skin, bringing my lips centimetres from his, “I missed you.” 

“Missed you too baby girl.” He mumbles back before closing the gap, his kiss soft and delicate, rough pads of his fingers holding my jaw in place. It’s different compared to other kisses we’ve shared and I could definitely get used to this, “I love you.” 

“I love you too Tommy,” I can’t hide the smile when I stand, him trailing after me to the kitchen. His arms wrap around my waist as I turn the bacon and stir the sauce and pasta, making sure nothing is burning, “Why don’t you get changed sweetheart, it’ll be ready by the time you come back down.” 

“Missed you.” He numbers into my neck again and I can’t stop the light laugh escaping me, even when he lets out a whine of protest, my heart melting even more. 

“I will be right here when you come back down.” I turn in his grip, holding his face in both hands once again and making him look me the eyes, tiredness and fear settled deep in the cognac of his gaze, “I promise.” 

He stares at me for a few seconds more before nodding once, pressing a kiss to my forehead and disappearing upstairs so I can grab us bowls and mix everything together before serving it up. By the time he comes back down I’m sat on the sofa with my bowl in hand and his on the table, waiting for him. He practically dives into the seat, sitting almost too close to me but I’m not gonna complain, I want everything Tommy has to offer me and it’s obvious the feelings are reciprocated. We don’t talk while we eat. We don’t have to. Each other’s company is enough until our bowls are empty and his lips are on my neck. 

Tommy’s grabbing my hands and guiding me upstairs, hands on my hips and lips leaving scorching heat over every bit of bare skin he can find walking me backwards until my legs hit the bed. I pull my shirt over my head, him doing the same before I lay back, watching the way Tommy climbs over me and his fingers trail up and down my body as if trying to map it out and remember it for future, just in case, “You’re so beautiful baby girl.” He murmurs, lips trailing down my stomach to the waistband of my jeans, popping the button with his nimble fingers and I lift my hips for him to slide them down, his boxers going with them until I’m bare. He kneels above me, taking me in and I try hard not to squirm away or cover myself as he seems to need this after the patrol today, the featherlight touches and bags under his eyes say it all, “How did I end up getting so lucky.” 

“I think it’s the curls.” I joke, watching the way his eyes crinkle in an amused smile before he’s leaning down and capturing my lips in a kiss that has me trying to follow his lips with my mind but his hands holding my shoulders down stops me. 

“If it’s my curls then no touching.” He growls in my ear, drawing a whimper from my parted lips before he’s sliding down so he’s between my legs. He wraps his arms around my thighs before burying his face in my weeping mound with no warning, my hands going for those curls but I have to stop myself, wrapping the sheets in my grip as my back arches into the thrusts his tongue begins. If he continues at this brutal pace I’m not going to last much longer, he’s dragging me closer and closer to the bliss with every moan he lets out against my sensitive clit as he eats me out like a starved man. My body acts on it’s own as I ride out the bliss but it stops suddenly, dragging an anguished cry from me and my eyes flying open to see my hand is in Tommy’s hair. 

Fuck. 

He’s got a smirk on his lips, glistening with my arousal as he pulls my hand out of his hair and stands. I whine, hips rocking down onto nothing, needing him to get me there. He just watches, eyes almost black and blown wide as his voice comes out low and strained, as if he’s struggling to hold himself away from me, “What did I say baby girl.” 

“N-no touching. Baby please.” I’m practically a blubbering mess, needing him, and I should be embarrassed but the way he licks his lips has me far from it, “I need you.” 

It’s like his restraint snaps as he’s climbing back over me, lining himself up and pushing to the hilt in one quick move. It has my nails dragging down his back as he catches that sweet spot with the first thrust, my back arching up and my eyes rolling into the back of my head. My mind blanks out and I’m chanting his name like a prayer as I clench around him as I ride out my orgasm, the shock of it tensing even muscle in my body. Tommy just holds me close, thumb soothing over my cheek and hips twitching as he tries to stay still until I’m coming down, voice soft and wrecked as he practically begs, “One more baby girl.” 

He’s waiting for my consent despite being balls deep and I’m nodding, not trusting I’ll be coherent if I try and talk. My body can’t decide if it wants to try and scramble away from the quick thrusts or move into them, a cry escaping me when he begins to circle my now oversensitive clit. It has me trying to scoot away from him as my body reacts with both pain and pleasure but his tight grip on my hip holds me in place as he grazes his teeth across my neck and collarbone. I’m letting out dirty sounds, barely able to hear them as all I can focus on is the way he fucks me raw, another building orgasm making itself known, my walls fluttering around him. My ankles lock up around his hips as he lets out a beautiful sound, my name falling between it and he’s filling me up. The feeling alone has me clamping tightly around him, milking his dry as I practically yell in pure ecstasy. Tommy’s caressing my hair as I slowly come back down, whispering about how much he loves me and how good I am just for him. It has me pulling him closer, blushing furiously at the chuckle rumbling in his chest. 

“Bed.” He nudges me up, neither of us wanting to part, having been one after a long day apart. He manages to roll us onto our sides so we’re facing each other, my legs unwinding from his waist as he pulls the duvet up. I should care about the sweat or the mess leaking out around his softening dick but I can’t because it’s Tommy and he’s all encompassing and everything I’ve ever wanted or needed. This is the future I want.  

“Never leave me Tommy.”

“I won’t if you won’t.”

-----------

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five

------------

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[clickerflight]

Joseph: Part 5 - A Friend

Masterlist

Part 4

Had something happen today that made me lose a bit of steam for this story, but we're going to keep trucking. I probably got too caught up in looking for validation with my writing, but I think we'll be okay. I have plans for it and I'm going to keep going, I just might have to take a short break.

Content: Vampire whumpee, human caretaker, hospital setting, panic attack, grief, detailed memories of a character death

..................................................

Joseph enjoyed his music for most of the day, his eyesight coming back enough for him to see the small device where he could search for music and play it. He didn’t recognize the app, but he was glad for the music. 

He was bobbing his head to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ when he smelled someone familiar. He looked over into the hall, waiting until a man came into view. The man that had to be Joshua Muir looked to be of Mexican descent, clean shaven and wearing his hair just long enough he could pull some of it back into a little wolf tail. 

He wasn’t wearing a police uniform, instead wearing well worn jeans and a t-shirt. 

Muir opened his mouth in greeting and Joseph realized he was still wearing his headphones. He pulled them down, the sounds of the hospital greeting him again, but he could focus attention on Muir and it wouldn’t bother him. 

“Hi,” Joseph said, feeling once again safe as Muir sat down in the chair by the bed. 

“How are you feeling?” Muir asked.

Joseph shrugged. “I’m completely regenerated. The nurses said they were going to get some more blood into me overnight and then get me set up to go to a rehab center.”

“Nice. That was pretty quick,” Muir commented. 

Joseph nodded as the situation dawned on him for the first time since waking up. “Oh, stars, you, I….. Sorry. I shouldn’t have forced you to ride in the ambulance with me. You didn’t get in trouble, did you?”

Muir laughed. “No, not at all. Well, maybe a little but it wasn’t a problem. You needed someone to be there for you, man. It happens.”

He nodded a little. “Thanks for coming back. I hope I’m not keeping you from anything.”

Muir shook his head, a hint of sadness entering his expression as he said, “No, you’re good. I, ah, I moved to the city pretty recently. I don’t have many friends yet outside of some coworkers… but I guess we don’t really hang outside of work. This is…. Kind of nice, actually.”

“Oh,” Joseph said, surprised. “Alright then.”

There was a moment of awkward silence before Muir asked, “So, got any questions? 3 years is a lot of time.”

Joseph shrugged. “Haven’t really seen enough to have questions, I guess…. Have the fledgling laws passed?”

“Not yet,” Muir replied, looking slightly annoyed. “Well, parts of it have. People with terminal illnesses can apply to become a fledgling, but the stuff around people with chronic illnesses and terminally ill children got tied up in the courts last year.”

“Well, I guess it’s good there’s been some movement on that,” Joseph said.

“Yeah,” Muir said. “So, what do you like to do?”

“I like reading,” Joseph said with a shrug. “And D- my bondmate was teaching me how to play the piano. I used to work at a tech shop. I guess I was kind of, I dunno, stuck in a rut. Wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do with my life…..”

“Well, there’s plenty of time to figure it out,” Muir said with a shrug. 

Joseph nodded. “And you? What do you like to do?”

“My job takes up most of my time. I’m working my way up to being a detective. I’ve been a cop for a few years now and I’ve been studying to pass the tests they’ll need me to do. I’m pretty excited. The Chief has been pretty hard on me, which makes me think it’s going well.”

“How’s that?” Joseph asked, curious.

“Well, she’s a tough love kind of lady,” Muir said with a mischievous smile. “She’s been criticizing my work a lot lately, which tells me some big guns are watching me, trying to decide if they should try me out. It’s a bit early in my career for it, but I’ve been proving myself and I think they see it.”

“Oh,” Joseph said, intrigued. “That’s awesome, then! I hope it all works out for you!”

“Of course! And you’ll be the first to know if it does!” Muir said, his grin splitting his face. It drooped and he hesitated. “Er, if you want to be friends, that is. Maybe I can help you figure out what you want to do with your life.”

“Oh yes,” Joseph said eagerly. “I could definitely use a friend.”

“Good,” Muir said with a grin. “I wonder…. I want to talk to the nurses real quick. I’ll be back.”

Muir hopped up and left, the smell of his excitement still hanging in the air. Joseph slipped the headphones back on, not really paying attention to the music as he waited for Muir to come back. 

Muri came back after another 20 minutes, a bag in his hand. Joseph pulled the headphones off and Muir said, “Alright. The nurses said you can check out tonight.”

“Check out? Where am I going? With you?”

“Yup! I had some extra clothes in my car so you can put these on and we can get out of here. I thought you’d probably like to sleep somewhere quiet tonight.”

“Oh, I certainly do,” Joseph said, pushing the blankets off his lap and turning to sit on the edge of the bed as a nurse, the same one who brought him the noise canceling headphones, came to unplug him from the drips. 

Once that was over and the small holes in his skin healed, Joseph stood up, taking the clothes and heading into the bathroom to change. 

The clothing was a bit big on him, but after rolling the top of the pants down inside once they held just fine. He stepped out, shifting the shirt to sit properly on his shoulders before taking the shoes Muir held out for him. 

“We’ll get you some better shoes later,” Muir said with a smile. 

Joseph nodded, grinning. The two walked out, Joseph shuffling a little to keep the shoes on his feet. Muir had already registered his address with the lady at the desk and they were set to go. 

“I think the rehab people will come to meet you around 2 tomorrow? I’ll be at work, but the hospital will let them know to go to my house.”

“Cool,” Joseph said, his shuffling steps feeling strange. They were smoother than he thought they would be, as though there hadn’t been three years and a regeneration in between the last time he walked and now. 

“And then we can get you clothes and stuff tomorrow night,” Muir said as he got into his car. Joseph entered on the passenger’s side and buckled his seat belt, relaxing as heard the familiar sound of a car starting. 

They soon left the hospital parking lot and drove down roads as the sun to the left of them as they hit the highway. Joseph watched the world pass by in awe, the rumble of the car soothing to his fragile mind. 

Maybe he’d be fine. Maybe one day he’d be healed and forget about what happened and he could move on. Maybe when he had something good to do with his life and-

But who would he share it with? His bond with David was empty. It was gnawing on him, crushing his soul and begging to be fed. He had been without a pairbond for three years and his body and mind were beginning to realize it. David was gone and he could still remember feeling his pain through the bond, could still hear his screams. He remembered when the blade had entered David’s heart and killed him. The pain and fear had been unlike anything Joseph had ever felt. His and David’s mingle fear, the pain, David reaching through the bond searching for comfort, searching to be sure Joseph was still okay, and then the knife had come down. 

It was like losing a limb. Crushed in a combine’s mechanics, shattered and torn and shredded and bloodied and violently taken in a moment that could never be changed and never be reversed. The emptiness had consumed Joseph’s mind entirely. Going from all that noise to dead silence where his own fear and pain echoed down and back again through broken links. 

He would never get David back and the pain would last forever. It felt like it would last forever. How was he supposed to deal with it all? How was he meant to survive this?

He grabbed on tightly to whatever was pressed against him. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t feel. All he knew were the memories of David’s gargled screams and the broken bond as his sire and bondmate died. 

He knew he would need to pairbond again eventually, and that sent a new wave of sorrow through him. Was it not enough to be on his own? To always remember David and cherish his memory? He was Demijeoa. He would have to pairbond again to heal, but he couldn’t imagine it. He couldn’t imagine pairing with anyone after that. 

He pressed his face into soft fabric, sobbing desperately, unable to alleviate the pain. He realized someone was running a hand through his hair, untangling it and running down his back in strokes, and then he recognized the smell. 

He lifted his head to find Miur looking out a window, though Joseph’s stirring brought his attention back down. “Hey, are you back?”

Joseph felt a wave of sorrow and embarrassment so strong it sent him to hiding in Muir’s shoulder again. 

“Hey, man. It’s going to be alright. Promise. Do you want to talk about it?”

“”S not gonna be alright,” he mumbled. “He’s dead.”

He felt Muir tense up, but he didn’t stop rubbing Joseph’s back. “I know, I’m really sorry.”

Joseph let out a shuddering sigh, simply letting Muir quietly comfort him. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You don’t have to. Not right now. Right now, it’s enough to just grieve. I know losing a bondmate is painful, even if I can’t really understand it.”

Joseph nodded before peeling himself away from Muir, scrubbing his face. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Muir asked.

Joseph just nodded so Muir turned off the hazard lights, signaled, and got back on the road. It was dark now, and Joseph was so tired he just laid his head against the window and let the rattle of the road bruise his head repeatedly. 

Joseph was asleep by the time Muir pulled into his driveway. He got out and went to the passenger seat, opening the door quickly and propping up Joseph to keep him from falling on the pavement. The vampire slept like a dead thing as Muir closed the car door with his hip and walked up the steps to the house. 

After some awkward shuffling, he managed to unlock the door and step inside. He walked through the house to his bedroom where he set the vampire on his bed. He coaxed the blankets over him and went back to the front door to lock it. 

After a quick snack and a shower, he got ready for bed and slept on the couch in the living room. 

………………………………………………..

Joseph woke in a comfortable bed wrapped in blankets that smelled enough like Muir to tell him that Muir had given his bed up to Joseph. He sighed, pressing his face into the pillow for a moment before rolling over and out of the bed. 

He poked his head out into the hall, looking around. There was another room set up with a desk and walls lined with cork board, though only one was in use. He soon found the bathroom and cleaned up before going to the living room. 

Muri laid on the couch, bundled in blankets and snoring very softly. Joseph hummed and decided to make breakfast. 

There wasn’t much in the kitchen and he ended up just improvising with some quick oats and eggs, as well as getting some coffee ready. 

He heard Muir wake up and smiled when he heard Muir’s small confused noise when he smelled food. 

He stumbled in, wearing sweatpants and a blanket cape as Joseph turned, scooting a plate of food across the island to him. 

“Got the coffee started a bit late but it should be done in a mo.”

“Thanks,” Muir said, surprised. 

“You're welcome. And no offense, but do you live on oatmeal, eggs, and canned chili?”

“Er, no. I tend to grab food while I’m working,” he said, fishing a fork out of the dishwasher and sitting on one of the stools to eat. 

Joseph rolled his eyes and sat down next to him once the coffee was done. Muir took the coffee eagerly, taking a sip and closing his eyes in delight. They ate in silence for a minute before Muir said, “So I guess this means you want me to buy more food.”

Joseph snorted. “Yes. You’ll end up with kidney stones if you keep eating like you are.”

Muir shook his head and downed his coffee. “Alrighty, then. I’d better go get ready.”

“Kay,” Joseph said, enjoying his breakfast a bit more slowly. 

When Muir came back, he was dressed in his uniform and ready to go. “I left a note on the computer with the password. Feel free to surf the web while I’m gone. Just remember-”

“The meeting at 2:00. I got it,” Joseph said, putting the dishes in the sink while he unloaded the dishwasher. 

“Yup. I might stop by on one of my breaks, but we’ll see.”

“Alright. See ya.”

“Bye.”

The door closed, the key scraped in the lock, and Joseph was alone. 

Joseph stood in the kitchen, his heart pounding in his throat as the silence pressed in on him. Silence like silver. 

He shook his head. He was not interested in having another breakdown today. Not right now. He was going to hold it together and if he needed to cry himself to sleep that night, then by the stars he would cry himself to sleep. 

He rifled through the kitchen, putting things away as he went along until he’d taken care of the dishes. He loaded the new ones into the dishwasher and closed it. 

He supposed the next thing he could do would be to catch up on what he’d missed. 

He went to the room with the cork board walls, glancing at the images and notes tacked there. It was a missing person’s case about a little girl. He hummed, looking at the little girl’s face. Did anyone look for him and David like this? Did someone in the world string up their names and faces, staring at them in the hopes that it would provide some clue?

Joseph shrugged off the image and sat at the computer, typing in the string of letters and numbers from the sticky note and opening up the search engine. 

He stared at the blinking bar for a moment, uncertain of what he should do before he started pulling up the social media accounts he’d had and opening them up to see what there was to see. 

Joseph: @not-a-space-alien @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

From Dust to Ashes: @writereleaserepeat @currentlyinthespiral

Part 6

Let me know if you want to be on the taglist

[thornilee013]

WIP Wednesday 3.1.2024

First of @/kedreeva's WW project for me for this year! Woo!

As always, feel free to send in multiple requests, even if it's for the same draft! But keep in mind that that's just how I operate and not part of the official WW rules/etiquette! (aka please don't assume everyone is as desperate as me)

Anyway, for those of you who are new to the rodeo,

Here’s how WW works: In a reblog of this post (so people can find you in the notes) or new thread (w/ rules attached) if you want to play on your own, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names. Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play! After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share. That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. I’ll be searching the reblogs to find people to send asks to! If you’re reading this, you’re invited! If you see someone posting a WIP Wednesday Game snippet, send them an ask! Make them write.

Here is what I have to offer this week:

1. Baby Jean 2. TLC 3. 101 Ways not to Say I Do 4. Needle AU

Below the cut: a snippet from my Silly Little Jean Moreau Fic! (a continuation of the last installment from WW)

A pause settled into the space between them. It was a necessary lull in their conversation as what Betsy said truly sank into place in Jean’s mind. How I wish it was as easy as fixing something, he thought with a sigh. Weld the cracks and replace the worn and ragged pieces, and get rid of the rusty and broken pieces. But if it were truly so easy, he would have already done it by then. He was the last person on the planet who wanted him to be dealing with these kinds of emotions and thoughts. But he could only play the game of life with the cards he was dealt.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Would you rather visit The Eiffel Tower or the Egyptian Pyramids? I’d love to go to Paris. 

Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight? I would be completely shocked and caught off guard to say the least. I wouldn’t answer, but I would definitely be trippin’ out. 

Do you need to lose or gain weight? I need to gain some weight cause I’m too underweight. I’ve made improvement since my hospital stay last year and the things I’ve been doing since then, but it’s still not enough. 

Do you think you have a disorder but haven’t been properly diagnosed yet? I’ve wondered that often. 

What is the population of the city you live in? I’m not checking.

How many pairs of jeans do you own? I don’t even remember to be honest cause I haven’t worn jeans in years. I want to say less than a handful?

When did you last vacuum your room? My mom did a few days ago.

Have you ever put on or lost a significant amount of weight? I lost a significant amount of weight, which was due to some health things but also caused health issues and made existing ones worse. 

On a scale of 1-5, how often do you curse? I’d say like a 3.

What is the worst thing you’ve ever smelled? Old food/garbage makes me sick. Like even food that’s been left out over night.... *barf* For example, I love pesto but smelling it leftover from the night before and if there’s dirty dishes from it still will have me G A G G I N G. 

What’s your favorite social media platform? Tumblr. 

Name someone with brown eyes. I do.

Do you know what your next injection will be? I need to get some bloodwork done soon. 

Does anyone call you darling? If so who? No.

If you had to have a cartoon character tattooed to you what would it be? Maybe Eeyore. 

You have to dye your hair two colours, what do you choose? I’d love to just dye it red, though. 

If you could would you look at your future self? I’m terrified to see my future. 

Who was your first serious relationship? I haven’t had a serious relationship. 

If you had to cut a parent out of your life who would you cut out? I wouldn’t. 

If you had to get a piercing right now what would you get done? I kinda want a nose piercing. 

Who is the #1 person/thing in your life? My loved ones.

What are two things you wish you never did? Neglected my health and being so irresponsible. 

Would you rather have three personal wishes or world peace? I might have to go with the 3 personal wishes...

What were/is your high school colors? --

When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” I say, “bless you.”

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? Ha, uh no. Never. 

What are two things you are excited to do in the near future? I don’t have any upcoming plans. 

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? I live in a house. 

Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? >> I don't have a set preference, I just do whatever feels good in the moment  <<< Same, but if it’s at the start of a sentence I’ll always spell it out. 

Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? My dad.

Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? No, not anymore. I had it several years ago. 

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? I don’t think so. Also, a lot of the shows I watch, my mom watches as well. 

Leggings with denim shorts; yes or no? I don’t care.

Do you plan your meals in any way? I pretty much eat the same stuff. 

Were you in the scouts when you were young? Yes, I was a Girl Scout.

How many people could sleep in your home? (Not counting floor space; beds and couches only) Like 6 I guess, but it’d be really cramped. We’re already 4 adults in a 2-bedroom. 

Have you ever made a hole-in-one at mini-golf? I’ve only kinda played as a kid and I don’t recall if I made a hole-in-one, but I highly doubt it.

What genre was the last song you listened to? Who provided the vocals? I forget what the last song I listened to was at the moment. 

If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? I’d just wonder, pfft wtf. Why do you have such intense negative feelings toward me like that, wtf did I do? I probably wouldn’t say anything to their face cause I wouldn’t want to get into it, but I’d definitely be trippin out. I don’t have the energy or desire to actually do anything about it, though.

What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? I mean, seeing him with someone might give me a tinge of that punch to the stomach feeling. It’s been SO long, and I’ve definitely moved on longgggg ago, but even still I might feel a little something. He’s not into social media, so he very rarely posts anything and if he does post photos they’re of other things. 

Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? I miss Ty.

If you could go forward in time and see your life 5 years from now, what would you hope to see? I mean, obviously I hope that I would be doing at least decently better and able to do things/travel. 

Are you more comfortable with men or women? It depends on the person. You just vibe with someone or you don’t.

Who came over last? My aunt.

Has one of your friends ever tried to “hook you up?” Yes. That’s how the whole Joseph thing started. Points for you if you were there during that time... yikes.

What is your card game of choice? Apples to Apples and Cards Against Humanity. 

What is your favourite books series? Ooh, I have several. 

If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it and what’s your favorite flavor? I add condensed milk to it. So. Good. 

Was the last video you watched on YouTube a music video and if not, what was it of? No, I’m watching a vlog. Has anyone you know personally ever won the lottery and if so, how much did they win and would you or have you ever played the lottery? No and yes, I have. 

What was the last thing someone has sincerely thanked you for? Ummm.

What band, celebrity, etc. do you know the most information about and who would you like to learn more about? I don’t keep up with celebrity gossip nearly as much as I used to, but still a decent amount and know some stuff. 

[survey--s]

518.

1 - When was the last time you met someone for the first time? It was probably when I met Sarah, one of Oakley’s owners. That was ages ago now though, I don’t really tend to meet new people lol.

2 - What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone without bathing? Just over 48 hours when I’ve travelled to Australia. It was grim but unless we had a long stopover somewhere, I didn’t have any choice lol.

3 - Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? No, I’m not really into cooking - I could probably do it though, I’m not particularly squeamish about where my food comes from.

4 - What’s your favourite font? What size and colour do you prefer to use when you’re doing surveys? I like Tahoma size 10 or 12, with black colour.

5 - Have your clothing choices changed since COVID hit and you started to stay at home more? Yeah, I wear leggings a lot more now - in fact I couldn’t tell you the last time I wore jeans lol. I also changed jobs just about when COVID hit and I wear leggings to work everyday too. 6 - When was the last time you went through a drive-through? Uhh, about eighteen months ago lol. We don’t have any drive-thrus anywhere near here.

7 - Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? Just the local chip shop as we don’t have any chain restaurants nearby. I tend to get chips with cheese and gravy, plus a side order of onion rings. 

8 - Do you own any plaid/flannel shirts? Yeah, one but I haven’t worn it for a long time.

9 - If you eat it, how do you like your steak cooked? What sauces and sides do you like to get with it? If you’re vegetarian, what would you have instead of a steak dinner? Rare please, with garlic fries, mushrooms and onion rings on the side.

10 - Are there any foods and drinks you only have around Christmas? Baileys and full roast dinners.

11 - Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? It depends. I work with dogs and they all jump all over me when I go and collect them lol. But I wouldn’t appreciate being jumped on by a random dog in the park as I don’t know whether they’re friendly or not. I also hate it when big dogs jump up, mainly because it’s really painful lol.

12 - What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? A cat, and yes, his name is Purrlock and he’s eight.

13 - Which colour do you prefer, red or blue? It depends on what shade we’re talking about.

14 - How would you describe your sense of humour? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? Dry, dark and sarcastic and yes, definitely lol.

15 - When was the last time you cried - what caused it? I can’t remember the last time I cried.

16 - What’s your favourite flavour of potato chip? Salt and vinegar or cheese.

17 - Do you have a lot of artwork around your house? What kind of art? No. We have a few paintings and a couple of prints but that’s it.

18 - When you paint your nails, what kind of colours do you tend to go for? I haven’t painted my nails in years.

19 - Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavours do you like? Fruit, for sure. I like apple, orange (no bits), grape or pineapple the most.

20 - What’s the weather doing where you are? Is that typical for this time for this time of year? It’s raining which is pretty typical for any time of year in England lol.

21 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? Helen and she’s a client I met through another client, lol. I look after her cats for her while she’s away and she was just confirming this weeks’ job.

22 - Are you eating or drinking anything right now? I have a can of Pepsi Max nearby.

23 - Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? Josh Hartnett and Michael Owen. Nowadays I like Johnny Depp and Matt le Blanc.

24 - When was the last time you went to Starbucks? What did you get? Uhhh, about eighteen months ago as we don’t have one anywhere near here. I don’t remember what drink I got either, probably a flavoured latte of some kind.

25 - Do you have a credit card? How much money do you owe on there? Yes, around 2k.

26 - What colours have you dyed your hair in the past? What kind of colours would you like to dye it in the future? Various shades of red and brown, as well as pink, purple and blonde.

27 - What’s your favourite Christmas movie? When was the last time you watched it? Elf, The Grinch (the Jim Carrey one), Love Actually - I watch them all every year.

28 - What’s your favourite brand and flavour of ice-cream or frozen yoghurt? I actually really like Tesco own brand stuff lol. They do an amazing coconut and passionfruit flavour, or a coffee one too.

29 - When was the last time you visited the dentist? December.

30 - What time do you consider to be too early to go to bed and to get up in the morning? When was the last time you went to bed/got up at those times? I’m happy to go to bed anytime lol, I love being in bed even if I’m not going to sleep. I have to get up anywhere between 6am-8am for work, so anything before that is a bit painful lol. I was up at 7am on Friday and in bed by 9pm last Thursday.

[melancholicscoundrel]

Getting to Know You Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @teagrammy 😊 I love talking about myself

I’ll tag @oldfritz @arthoe-iceland @magicsuga and @dein-lieblingsdummkopf. Anyone else who would like to participate is welcome.

What book are you currently reading?

I had just finished reading Gideon the Ninth after years of seeing so much beautiful art of the skull-faced lesbians and I am in love.

What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I haven’t been to a movie theater in years and haven’t seen any theatrically released movies from this year at all, though there are numerous movies I want to see.

So I’ll say All Quiet on the Western Front (2022). I enjoyed it a lot, but I still prefer the 1979 version.

What do you usually wear?

Old clothes that are no longer my style but I’ve been too poor to get a new wardrobe. I still look like a miserable little teenager wearing my old skinny jeans, oversized hand-me-down tees with a hoodie and my faded work boots that I’ve worn everyday since I was 17. But that’s only when I leave the house. At home, which is where I’m mostly found, I wear baggy sweats.

How tall are you?

5 ft and 1.5 in

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Scorpio. Nobody I like shares my birthday and nothing particularly interesting (that I know of) occurred on my special day.

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

Unfortunately, I only go by my incongruous name assigned at birth. I’ve always wanted a nickname but nobody around me is creative enough to give me one.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

AHAHAHAHAHAA. Well, when I was little I wanted to become a writer and artist, and I am getting there, so that’s one thing.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

Nope. No matter how much I long for my better half I know I’m in no way shape or form ready for a serious relationship.

I have a massive crush on someone whose face I have never seen nor have I so much as heard their voice.

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

I’m good at keeping a poker-face and I’m good at planning. I’m bad at sticking with my plans, as I tend to get distracted or lose motivation.

Dogs or cats?

Cats! Dogs I find irritating and I’m not a fan of slobber. Doesn’t mean I dislike them, I just don’t want to own one. Cats on the other hand are chill, I adore them and can’t wait to get a kitten ❤️❤️

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

There are many lines of dialogue I’ve written as well as a finished character sheet I’ve drawn that I’m proud of, but I won’t post any of it here. That I’ll save for when I’ve made a separate blog for my art and writing.

What’s something you would like to create content for?

My story. I’ve never posted anything about it yet, I need to stop procrastinating and actually draw my ocs so that I have something to post.

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

My ocs. I couldn’t be more obsessed with anything else, they are my world. But after reading the first book, the Locked Tomb series now occupies a little compartment in my brain as well.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

To finally leave the nest and start living like a functioning adult, which didn’t happen. But I do have a job where I make a little more than minimum wage, and there’s always next year.

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

I have pretty good aim, but I was never interested in sports or weapons to really hone the ability.

Are you religious?

FUCK no. Not a spiritual person either. I’m just raw dogging life, hoping for the best.

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

No depression and $30,000 so I don’t have to stay with my parents improving my mental health and saving money for yet another year and just dip tf out with adequate savings and a healthy mind.

[tinyangelll]

i did in fact just purge for the first time. i told myself i wouldn’t get this deep into the obsession but here i am. i’ve been doing so well lately, constantly hearing how good i look and feeling amazing about myself. i’m finally thin again. i’ve lost so much that all of my clothes are so baggy on me that they look terrible, so today i wore a pair of jeans i haven’t worn for almost 5 years. i went out with a friend to get drinks tonight. after i left i thought some taco bell would be okay. i haven’t had it in months and it’s my favorite, and i’ve been doing so well i thought mentally i would be okay with it. i was wrong. as soon as i took my last bite i started panicking. i didn’t know what else to do and thought about how disgusting i would feel about myself in the morning. so bloated and fat. so, i grabbed my toothbrush and sat my fat ass in front of the toilet and made myself throw it back up. it wasn’t pretty and it honestly took a lot of work to make it happen, but it was worth it. but i don’t think i got it all, or even half of it, so i’m still feeling really bad about myself. i wish i wouldn’t have gotten the food in the first place. i would’ve woken up so proud of myself that i didn’t give in to the cravings. now i’ll wake up feeling disgusting and ashamed. maybe that’s what i need to feel so i’ll never eat it again, i guess.

[havnblog]

Second Sunrise: a World-Class Clothing Store in Stockholm

Truly High-Quality Garments

My wife and I recently had a couple of days in Stockholm.1 And as someone who loves well-made stuff (especially clothes), I searched for good stores for that. I didn’t find many, but the only one I found beforehand, was well worth it.

Other recommendations:

L'usine Bleue was a really cool little store, with only French workwear.

6/5/4 was also pretty cool.

World-Class

To put it into perspective, I went looking for stores at this level in Now York a couple of years ago — and that city only had two stores on this level: Self Edge and Blue in Green.2 Other stores I know about, are Standard & Strange, Göteborg Manufaktur, Blue Caviar (DK), Brund (DK), Redcast Heritage and Tate & Yoko. But they are really rare — so if you’re close to one, and get to try stuff in-store, you should really go for it.

What’s so special about stores like Second Sunrise?

Usually, when clothes are expensive, it’s due to the brand; You pay more just because the T-shirt says “Supreme”, or whatever. Or, not just: Name-brand stuff typically has a bit higher quality than fast-fashion.3 But the stuff you find at stores like this, is something entirely different. The items are absolutely costly — but not necessarily expensive. They cost what they cost because they are expensive to produce, the materials, construction, and cost of labour in the countries they’re made.

Now, I’m not claiming they aren’t overpriced at all — and it’s hard to say if it’s “worth it”. The items last longer, but does an €80 T-shirt last eight times as long as a €10 one? However, buying one T-shirt instead of eight, is more sustainable — and you’ll end up loving your garments more if you live by Standard & Strange’s motto: “Own fewer, better things.” The items will conform to your body, and you’ll want to repair them when they break.

Some things to look for:

Denim

Jeans like this usually only comes in one length: Long. So it's a good thing that they offer free hemming while you wait!

A good place to start, would be to look at jeans, for instance from Sugar Cane. In this context, they’re on the more affordable side — and they simply make jeans like how Levi’s used to make them.

The thing about denim, like this, is that it’s at its worst while brand new. This is in opposition to jeans that are “pre-worn”4 and stretchy, which might look and feel great in the store. However, after you’ve purchased a regular pair, it’s all downhill — while higher-quality denim only gets more and more comfortable and good-looking. And I absolutely know which trajectory I prefer… But it absolutely makes it a harder sell, when the jeans might not be very comfortable in the store, if you haven’t experienced how nice they become. But personally, I really like it when clothes feel substantial.

This jacket, from Sugar Cane, was totally uniform in colour when I got it — but now it has quite a lot of "fades", as it's called. I really like that they appear where "they should" due to my body movement.

Most of this kind of denim is made in Japan, and on vintage looms that create a cool selvedge line if you cuff them. The denim doesn’t get better because they’re selvedge — but it is a sign of the denim being good.

The jeans on the left are not selvedge, while those on the right are. I think the white line looks handsome!

So, buying high-quality jeans like this, will give you the following:

Jeans that might be stiff in the beginning, but will end up feeling like they were tailor-made for you.

They’ll also look better and better with wear, and will patina really nicely.

You’ll know that they’re made more ethically than most denim.

And they’ll last for a long time, and feel really solid every time you put them on.

Basics

Another good value brand, is Whitesville. They make basics, like T-shirts and sweatshirts, that are really nice. Some of these are loopwheeled, which is another old-timey way to make clothes that is often used for great pieces.

These don’t look that special — but if you feel them, you’ll notice that they’re special. And they’ll stay nice for a long time.

From the Second Sunrise web store. I think I would've purchased this if they had it in my size!

Notebooks

They also stock some really nice stuff from Traveler’s Notebook. Here’s a nice video on them!

But everything in the store is just really nice

… and this includes the service!

They also have some really nice shoes, shirts, and more. If you have the opportunity, and funds, I strongly recommend going to a store like this, and maybe making a purchase. And if you’re like me, you’ll only be able to afford one item.5 But that’s OK, as I think it would be something you’d really love, and can keep on loving for a long time.

A smooth train ride from Oslo. 👌🏻 ↩︎

That was the only stores I found, and they only knew about each other. ↩︎

I want to write more on what things should cost later. ↩︎

/pre-destroyed ↩︎

I’ll write about that later! ↩︎

[garaksapprentice]

Today's Knitting is Brought to You By Sleep Deprivation

I had grand plans when I woke up to Get Stuff Done. The world is technically still on holidays, so this is the perfect time to sneak in some good, long writing and weaving sessions. I managed both yesterday. (I was the only human moving in the house for the entire morning. I watered the plants and set up the mister for the chickens, then hit the workroom and didn’t come out for four hours. It was glorious.)

Unfortunately, I slept like absolute crap last night. The weather was obscenely hot yesterday - 37ºC at 5pm - and I sleep on the west side of the house. It was barely down to 28ºC by bedtime, even with a good southerly breeze and a fan pointing directly at me. I kept waking up, tossing, turning, and generally having a terrible time of it. Even some lackadaisical morning gardening and a decent coffee didn’t help.

So I scrapped the “Get Stuff Done” plan, in favour of the far more restful “dick around the house reading and scrolling social media” backup. On the plus side, I finished Sweep of the Blade (Innkeeper Chronicles book 4) by Ilona Andrews before the library took it back. On the minus, I either wait six weeks for my hold on the newest book in the series, or I experience sweet, sweet instant gratification via my Amazon credit.

One nice thing about reading is that I can work on (some) knitted projects at the same time. All the other fibre stuff I do requires my eyeballs to keep things on track. So one of the vests I’m working on finally saw some love for the first time in months.

It’s about five inches longer than it started today, and right about the time I need to stick the live stitches on a thread and try it on for length. I suspect it will still need another inch or three - I want it a touch longer than my current favourite vest, so it hits the top of my jeans/belt properly and keeps my back a bit warmer. I also haven’t given much thought to the edge (though a nice simple 1x1 rib is always  a good option).

Once that’s sorted it’s just armbands and a neck band, weave in a few ends, and enjoy one less WIP on the pile. (Shrinking the size of Area 52 is one of my goals for this year. It’s gotten really quite out of hand, and it’s stressing me.)

I’m slightly concerned about the sizing, too, but at this point I’m not averse to felting it down to size if it’s a touch too large. The weatherproofing would be helpful since it’s destined to be a house vest, and house vests often end up worn in the cold, windy rain in around here.

Speaking of WIPs...

After a ~5 year break, I’m back to using Habitica for day-to-day task management. While the vast majority of my project/task management happens in Obsidian (love that app), I found I needed some distance between “everything that I ever need to do, whether today or five years from now” and “stuff I need to get done within the next week or so".

Both my needs and attitude towards task management have changed a lot over the last few years, so I was hesitant to go back to it, but for right now it meets 95% of my needs. It helps that the elder child is old enough to start learning to manage their own stuff, instead of me. The gamification (especially the pets) is catnip to them. Our little two-person party is doing pretty well for a perpetually-stressed adult with too many responsibilities, and an ADHD homeschooled tween with no sense of time.

And, because I just can’t fkn help myself, I joined a Guild. Just one. I learned my lesson from last time. Overwhelm is the shortest path to a quick death for any system. Of course, I have no sense of restraint, so I joined the New Years Resolutions guild. As the name implies, it features monthly challenges to help you plan, set, and work on yearly goals. I traditionally have a few of those, so *shrug* decided to tag along for the ride. Which leads me to...

#HabiticaResolutions

One of the tasks for this month’s Challenge is to post your goals on social media. Historically, I like to keep things close to the chest, since what I decide to do with my life is between me and me. But, in the spirit of experimentation, I decided to give it a go this year. (There’s a version of the Challenge that doesn’t have the “post to social media” task, so you can opt out of it if you really don’t want to share.)

Thus, my goals for this year:

Finish my current novel/write at least 50,000 words of fiction

Work on improving my writing skills via further education

Publish at least one blog post a month

Spend ~2.5 hours per week working on my weaving skills

Finish at least 12 WIPs (1 per month) from Area 52

Make some clothes for me, not just for the kids (at least 2 items)

Yesterday I wrote a touch over 500 words, and spent not quite 1.5 hours weaving. And now I’m throwing a blog post out there. (Tumblr totally counts, right? It’s easier to use than “real” blogging platforms...) So while I’m bummed that I didn’t have the super productive day I envisioned this morning, I’m still happy with how things are going.

[cower-before-power]

Naked Attraction

Summary: A typical day in your art class turn into anything but when you’re introduced to your nude model for the week- a devastatingly gorgeous man named Levi.

Pairing: Modern AU Levi Ackerman x F!Reader

TW: Nudity, swearing, suggestive content, age gap (reader is 20, Levi is 30), dick jokes, reader is thirsty and lewds Levi hard, perhaps poorly written stuff about art and drawing because I literally know nothing haha

(minors please do not interact, just to be safe)

Link to A03 here

A/N: Hello all! This is my entry for @ghost-party’s Meet Cute Collab with my darling husband Levi. I’ve never written for him before so I was a little nervous haha, I hope I did him justice! Thank you to everyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs- you are all wonderful and I appreciate your support! I hope you enjoy, my sweet potatoes!

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“Morning,” Jean greets you with a crooked smile and a steaming cup of coffee. It’s the good stuff from the café by his apartment, your favourite thing to help your brain shift into creative mode. “You’re later than usual.”

You grab the cup from him, sighing as you feel the warmth bleed into your hands. “Overslept. Barely had time to get dressed and brush my teeth.”

Jean’s eyes rove over you as you sink into your chair, humming to yourself as you sip on your drink. “I can see. Do you know you’re wearing two different shoes? And I think your sweater is on inside out. Why do you still even have that ugly thing anyways?”

“Thank you for your comments,” you roll your eyes. “I know I look like a hot mess and I don’t need any words from you, Mr. I Asked The Nude Model Out And Got Shot Down.”

Jean’s ears turn red, and he shoots you a dirty look before busying himself with arranging his pencils. “Shut up.”

You snicker to yourself as you set up your own area. Last week’s model had been a soft, pretty brunette that had instantly made Jean all starry-eyed, like a teenage boy with his first crush. It was generally considered a bit taboo to ask out the nude models, but he’d thrown that aside and gone for the kill after she’d slid back into her clothes. She’d laughed and patted his cheek like he was a naughty child asking for candy before dinner. Then proceeded to walk out and climb onto the back of her boyfriend’s motorcycle (but not before making out with said boyfriend for a good 5 minutes, minimum).

Jean had been left with red cheeks and no date, and you’d been left with great blackmail material.

“I wonder who will be our victim today,” you decide to take mercy on your poor friend and change the subject. “Most likely a guy, since we had a woman last week.”

“We’ll know in about 5 minutes,” Jean looks up at the clock on the wall. “Old Cueball is never late.”

Sure enough, in exactly 5 minutes your very bald and very punctual professor casually strolls through the door. A short man in a green coat is following him, presumably your newest subject. You crane your neck, trying to get a better look at his face, but all you can see is dark hair falling like a curtain over pale skin.

“Good morning class,” Professor Pyxis greets you, tossing his briefcase down on his desk with his usual nonchalant air. “I see you are all ready, so let’s get right to it.” He gestures to the person beside him. “This is Mr. Levi Ackerman. He’s your model for the week.”

The class murmurs in curiosity as the mentioned Levi Ackerman turns to face the room.

You swear your heart actually skips a beat.

Steel gray eyes observe the room from a face that practically begs to be immortalized through art. Every line is hard and strong, covered in clear skin that looks like it would slide under your fingers like the smoothest silk. Your eyes drink in his features greedily, from the regal bridge of his nose to the proud edge of his jaw. You decide your favorite thing though, is his cheeks. They are utterly cherubic, round and full and dusted ever so lightly with the lightest shade of pink.

He’s possibly the prettiest man you have ever seen.

“Hey, I know him,” Jean whispers, cutting off your entranced thoughts. “That’s Mikasa’s distant cousin, the one I told you she found on Ancestry.com last year. I’ve met him once, he’s got a stick so far up his butt, he’d need surgery to remove it. Never would have pegged him for the type to do this sort of thing.”

You vaguely remember a previous conversation involving Jean’s childhood friend and some long lost relatives.

“He doesn’t look that uptight,” you muse, too busy admiring the way his lips glint temptingly under the fluorescents to really process Jean’s words. “He’s beautiful, like something out of a Renaissance painting.”

Jean opens his mouth to reply, but Pyxis begins to speak.

“As usual, draw whichever side of him is facing you, all angles will be graded equally,” your professor plops himself down in his chair, already scrolling through his phone to find the playlist for the day. “Completed drawings to be submitted to me by the end of class on Friday. Please remember be respectful and courteous to our guest. Mr. Ackerman, whenever you’re ready.”

The man nods to your professor, already slipping out of his coat as he steps up onto the platform in the center of the room. You watch, mesmerized, as he proceeds to shed himself of his clothes. It’s rigid and methodical (he folds his clothes like he’s worked his whole life in a department store), but somehow oddly endearing. Every inch of his body that is revealed is consumed eagerly by your shameless stare, and you sincerely hope you don’t start drooling. By the time he carefully removes his final items, you feel like you are vibrating in your seat.

Holy fucking shit, he’s built like a god. Like Michelangelo himself carved him out of a block of the most pristine marble. You trace your gaze down the column of his throat, over the strong shoulders and sinewy arms, the impressive set of abs, the thighs that look like they could crush your head and you’d be nothing but happy about it. It takes a minute before you’re able to make yourself look between his thighs, and when you finally do, you have to looks away immediately. Good grief, even that is stupidly handsome. You can’t help but wonder if it would feel as nice as it looks.

Your face heats from your lewd thoughts, and you grip your pencil so hard it almost snaps. Beside you, Jean snickers.

“You okay over there? It looks like you’re about to explode.”

“Can it,” you hiss, glad that the ambient music Pyxis chose will probably keep your conversation private. “I can’t help it that I’m looking at the most gorgeous dick attached to the most gorgeous man I think I’ve ever seen.”

“You haven’t seen mine.”

“I don’t own a microscope.”

“Ooooh, see if I buy you coffee tomorrow, bitch.”

You stick your tongue out at him before turning back to your easel. As you move, you catch the gaze of Levi, his expression unreadable. Warmth creeps up the back of you neck, and you duck behind your sketchpad in embarrassment. You seriously hope he didn’t hear you, he’d probably report you to Pyxis for being creepy. You decide to lock all your stupid horny thoughts deep within the recesses of your mind, and take a few deep breaths to clear your head.

It works, and as you touch pencil to paper, the desire to create overflows inside of you.

Unsurprisingly, you become utterly engrossed in your work, your pencil sweeping over the pad with almost a mind of it’s own. Levi is the perfect model; you swear he’s not even breathing as he majestically hold his pose without even a quiver. The contours of his body spring to life on the page, and you can’t stop the joyful smile that blooms on your lips as you work. It’s times like these, when everything is so perfect, that you truly realize just how much you love making art.

Before you know it, Pyxis announces class is over, and you’ll resume with Levi tomorrow. The man of the hour begins to re-dress as your fellow classmates pack up their supplies and file out. You absent mindedly wave to Jean, who is practically sprinting out the door so he can make his next class all the way across campus. You’re still engrossed in your drawing, staring at it with critical eyes. It good, one of the best starts you’ve had all year, but now that the high of creating has worn off, you can see where you need to improve.

“You’re very good.”

You gasp and jump, whirling around to find Levi standing behind you, eyes fixed on your sketch. How did he even get there? You hadn’t seen him or heard him.

“Oh, uh, Mr Ackerman!” You squeak, your heart racing like you’ve just run a marathon.  “T-that’s very nice, I mean, thank- thank you very much!”

“It’s Levi,” your muse says, seemingly unbothered by your stammering. “Yours is going to be the best one here.”

You blink stupidly at his bold statement. “Did you look at all of them?”

“No,” Levi’s voice is firm, a tone that brokers no argument. “But you had the most joy on your face while you worked. That much passion doesn’t churn out stuff that looks like shit.”

“Oh, that’s only because you are such a great model,” you gush, insides turning warm at his praise. “You stayed so still and you looked so damn regal and you’re just so pretty and-” Your eyes go wide as you realize the absolute words vomit leaving your mouth, mortification slithering up your spine.

“I’m pretty?” Levi raises an eyebrow. “You think I’m pretty?”

“No!” You shout, and the man’s other eyebrow joins the first. “No wait, yes! I mean, fuck, I mean you are probably the most handsome man I’ve ever seen!”

Levi’s eyebrows have now practically become one with his hairline. You wring your hands, wishing the floor would just open up and swallow you. “I-well- come on, people must tell you how good looking you are! I can’t be the first.”

“No, but you certainly are the most enthusiastic about it,” Levi deadpans.

Oh, someone just put you out of your misery now.

“I’m sorry,” you offer, cringing internally at your complete ineptitude to hold a conversation with an attractive man. “I....get carried away sometimes.”

“It’s fine,” Levi’s stoic expression softens just a little. “It’s kind of nice to hear, actually. Usually I’m told I’m good looking, but ‘far too short’.”

“That’s bullshit.” you say vehemently, honestly shocked people would deny this man his godhood over something as trivial as height. “Who cares if you’re shorter? It doesn’t detract from you. What’s that phrase again? Good things come in small packages? Well, not that you’re small, I’m not saying that, I just meant-”

“Yes, you did seem to find my package....good,” Levi interrupts, and you swear you see the corners of his lips twitch upwards.

Your eyes widen in horror as your brain replays your hushed conversation with Jean. “You heard that?!”

“I’m told I have exceptionally good hearing.”

“Oh fuck me,” you groan, burying your face in your hands. “I am literally so, so, sorry. That was completely out of line. I have no excuse other than it’s clearly been too long since I’ve gotten some, but that’s no reason to make you uncomfortable. Please, if there’s anything I can do to to make it up to you, I’ll do it!”

“Have tea with me.””

Your head shoots up, surprise coloring your features. “What?”

“Tch, you heard me,” Levi tuts, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out his phone. “I haven’t got free time till Saturday-stupid Shitty Glasses wanting to trade shifts-but if you want to go out, give me your number and we can work out the details.”

You stare at him with your mouth open, unsure if this is really happening or you’re vividly daydreaming again.

“Umm, are you sure?” You ask, wondering if you should pinch yourself to see if you are indeed imagining things. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m wearing two different shoes and my sweater is inside out. Believe me when I say these sorts of fashion statements happen more often than not. Plus, I practically salivated over you like some sort of horny middle aged suburban housewife who hasn’t been laid in years.” You pause to take a breath, once again unable to stop the words from spewing forth like a fountain. “And I’m so awkward! I mean, are you comfortable in this conversation? And I can’t stop talking once I’ve gotten going, and I say the weirdest shit, and, and-”

“I like you,” he says simply, as if he’s just declared something as obvious as 1+1=2. “I couldn’t give a flying fuck about all the stuff you just said, you’re just... you, and I like it. So, do you want to go on a date or not?”

“O-oh,” you suddenly feel shy, your tummy filling with butterflies at the look of sincerity on his handsome face. You’d never met anyone quite like Levi Ackerman before, and you weren’t about to pass up the opportunity to get to know the man behind the drool-worthy muscles.  “Uh, yes, please, I would like that. Very much.”

An almost relieved expression crosses Levi’s face, and he hands you his phone to type in your number. You notice the time as you do so, and sigh sadly as you hand him his device back.

“Well I better go,” you say reluctantly, suddenly fervently wishing it was Saturday already. “I’ve got another class in 15 minutes.”

“I’ll walk you there,” Levi says briskly, slipping his phone back into his coat. “To make sure you get there safely. Someone might murder you on account of their eyes being assaulted by that garish sweater. ” The corners of his lips twitch upwards once again, and you grow warm all over, from both his gentle teasing and the knowledge he isn’t quite ready to say goodbye yet either.

“Excuse me, I thought you said you didn’t give a ‘flying fuck’ about my attire,” you huff, but you’re grinning as you quickly pack up your bag.

“I don’t care it’s inside out, but you have to know that is the ugliest fucking color know to man,” Levi says, holding out his hand. Your brain malfunctions slightly for a moment, until you realize he’s offering to carry your bag for you. The butterflies inside you whip themselves into a frenzy as you pass him your stuff, your hand just grazing over his. Handsome, funny, honest, and sweet? How is this guy even real?

“I’ll have you know, this sweater is an absolute delight. When it’s inside right,” you stick up your nose, but unable to stop he laugh that slips past your lips.

Levi rolls his eyes in an almost playful manner. “Doubtful .”

You’re not sure where it comes from, but a sudden rush of confidence fills you. “If you’re so offended by it, maybe you should just rip it off of me.”

The tips of Levi’s ears turn a delightful shade of pink. You’re sure your own skin is hot enough to cook an egg on.

“Wear it Saturday then,” Levi’s ears may be flushed, but his eyes flash with something that makes your spine tingle. The insinuation of his words has your gut clenching and your mind whispering fervent prayers to please please please make Saturday get here faster, I don’t ask for much, please!

“Only if you wear your modeling outfit,” you manage to say, trying your best to sound coy when you feel like you might combust into a pile of lust and giddiness. “I’ve never seen someone wear it so well, and I want a closer look.”

If possible, Levi’s eyes grow even darker, and you just know Saturday is going to be one of the best damn days of your entire life.

“Deal.”

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Taglist: @clovertitan @millenialfanfictionaddiction @stigandr-the-cat @axoxtxhxh @bowandcurtsey​ @chaotic-nick​ @manjiroarchiviste​

[jeonfiles]

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the  Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite,  however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go. 

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?” 

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat. 

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget. 

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You  [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing. 

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

[badassbuchanan]

After Hours - Part 2

Warnings: smut; swearing, handjob, pussy rubbing, unprotected sex, rough, dirty talk, choking, hair pulling, jealously, mentions of daddy kink, angst.

Word Count: 4522

Part 1

A/N: just want to say a big thank you to every single one of you for all the support and love - it honestly makes my day when I read your lovely comments about how much you enjoy reading these! x

I skipped down the classily decorated corridor in my 5 inch Jimmy Choos, hugging a stack of files close to my body.

I could see Ransom, sitting on his PA’s desk as the two of them flirted like no one was watching through the completely transparent wall made of glass.

I flicked my hair over my shoulder before grabbing the icy cold metal handle. Ransom immediately arose from his position after his head had turned to watch me walk through the door.

He stared for a moment too long, admiring the way my shorter-than-usual skirt sat on my hips. I would never in a million years have worn something this short to work, but Y/F/N had begged me to meet her at a bar straight after work and it was already quarter to 5.

I watched his hands dig into the pockets of his jeans before I turned my attention to his irritated looking personal assistant. Something about seeing him flirt with someone else after what we’d done last week in his office ignited a fire of jealously inside of me which I couldn’t explain.

“Miss Y/L/N.” Ransom fronted professionally, a slight smirk playing on his lips as his eyes travelled slowly up and down my body.

“Y/N, you don’t have an appointment booked and Mr Drysdale was just about to leave for the day.” Julie snapped, causing me to bite the inside of my cheek with annoyance. She was obviously upset that I’d interrupted their flirting.

“Well then I’ll make an appointment for tomorrow.” I smiled sarcastically, feeling Ransom’s gaze continue to burn into me as I walked over to her desk.

“No need,” Ransom interrupted with a slight cough, his fingers absentmindedly tracing a pattern on the corner of the desk. “I’m free now.”

“Good,” I tried to stay professional, but my heart skipped a beat as I looked up into his piercing blue eyes. “Now works for me.”

Ransom spun on his heels to follow me as I silently made my way through the big wooden door of his office.

I heard the door shut after him as I immediately spread the files over his desk, organising them the best I could.

“It’s only Thursday, Y/N.” Ransom mumbled in a husky voice from behind me. I smiled shyly, moving my head slightly to the side as he came towards me. “I thought you said you wouldn’t have them finished until tomorrow.”

“No, Mr Drysdale-“

“Ransom.” He cut me off, reminding me of his preferred name.

“Ransom.” I corrected myself, tapping my fingers into the edge of the desk. “I said I’d have them done by Friday. But I like to impress, so I finished them a day early.”

“Well, I’m impressed.” Ransom’s hot breath against my ear made me jump slightly as his body pressed against my back. The feeling I’d missed so much. The feeling I’d touched myself at the thought of every night.

Since Ransom had fucked me in his office, something had switched inside of me. It was like he’d awoke some kind of need that wasn’t there before. A need that only he could satisfy.

“You haven’t even looked inside yet.” The playful remark left my lips as I made a show of leaning over his desk to reach for a pen, my ass grinding backward into his crotch testingly.

Ransom’s hands immediately flew up to squeeze my hips, a slight grunt escaping his mouth. I felt my pussy start to ache as his hardening cock rubbed against my ass.

“Why don’t you show me then.” Ransom breathed out shakily, unexpectedly walking around to stand more beside than behind me. His left hand rested on the table to steady him.

“Well, I used all of the original drafts you gave me to collate these more interesting plots.” I spoke professionally, picking up one of the manilla files I’d prepared to prove my point.

Ransom’s eyes scanned the documents after grabbing it from my hand, nodding interestedly as his brows furrowed with concentration.

“I think you’ll find these more interesting because-“ I gasped softly, feeling his right hand slide under my skirt from behind as he pushed between my legs and started to rub my pussy over my panties.

I bit my lip, closing my eyes as I tried to reclaim my balance. I immediately felt my pussy dripping in arousal at the hard massage his fingers were providing.

Ransom acted like nothing was happening, pushing his fingers harder against my pussy in circles as he watched me with a straight face. “Because what?”

“Well, because. I - Um.” I stumbled over my words, gasping in pleasure as the dampness of my panties started spreading down to his fingers. “Because I found a way to incorporate a fresh take on storytelling with the classic ‘whodunnit’ style of authors such as Agatha Christie.”

“Yeah?” He raised an eyebrow cockily, pushing his body against my side as he watched me lose control. “How so?”

“The - the um.” I breathed our shakily, letting the file drop on to the table as I steadied myself on my hands. Ransom pushed his fingers against my panties harder, the sound of my wetness filling the room as he moved his hand in circular motions. “the paragraphs I’ve highlited in pink apply the fundamental basics of a good mystery novel. If we incorporate those with the modern day and even futuristic elements highlighted in green, we get something unique that people can really get behind.” I finished the sentence seconds before a loud moan escapes my lips from the pleasure.

“Speaking of which,” Ransom smirked, turning his body to lean his ass against the desk before adjusting me so I was standing directly in front of him. He pulled me forward so that I straddled him, my front rubbing against his crotch as he continued massaging my pussy from behind. “Try not to be too loud, okay?”

I felt his warm breath against my skin, his lips millimetres away from mine as I reached my hand up to cup his face. “Ransom.” I whimpered his name, admiring him through hooded eyes.

“That’s it,” Ransom grunted out in encouragement, his throbbing cock nudging against my clit through his pants. “Cum all over my fingers, baby.”

The pet name drove me wild. Last time this happened, not a single word was exchanged. But now, Ransom was all mouth. and fingers. And it was making me horny.

I moaned his name again, my lips nudged against his as I bucked my hips. My fingers dug into the back of his head, clinging on to him desperately as I lost control, feeling my orgasm already taking over.

“Shhh, good girl.” He whispered as I rode his fingers, trying to recover from my euphoric high. “Did that make you feel good? My hand rubbing that little pussy of yours?”

His dirty mouth was only making me wetter and more desperate for him. “Yes, Oh. Yes.” I whimpered my response as he continued rubbing my sensitive pussy. My eyes closed in pleasure as I held onto his tightly, my head dropping forward weakly.

“Look at you,” Ransom chuckled deviously, amused as I withered against him at the overstimulation. “So responsive.”

I reached my hand that wasn’t in his hair down to press against his bulge, gasping at the wetness covering his crotch. Both of our eyes were drawn to where my hand was on him.

Ransom smirked, scoffing at the sight before leaning forward to gently nudge my lips with his. “You made a bit of a mess.”

“I’m sorry Ransom, you just made me so wet.” I whimpered submissively, finding myself wanting to give him everything before he even asked. I felt weak and small and reliant on Ransom to look after me.

“Don’t ever apologise for how horny you are, not to me.” Ransom lifted his hand that was on my panties up to trace my lips with his thumb.

I obediently parted my lips, Ransom’s eyes darkened with desire as he gently pressed the pad of his thumb against my tongue.

I kept my eyes focused on his, moving my hand up to hold his wrist as I suck on his thumb. I let my tongue swirl around his digit as though it was his cock, something that in the moment connected us in a way that neither of us understood.

Ransom’s jaw clenched as he watched me sloppily soak his thumb with my spit, some of it dripping out of my mouth on to my lips.

“Listen to me,” Ransom caught my attention with his words, causing me to loosen my suction on his thumb. He took it from my mouth, running it carelessly over my lower stomach before hooking it into my slightly exposed panties from where my skirt had ridden up. “I’m gunna shove my cock in you, okay? You took it so well for me last time.”

I nodded a response with a whimper before looking down at where his thumb was pressing circles against my throbbing clit, still sensitive from my orgasm. Ransom’s eyes fixated on it too, a smirk on his face as he watched me submitting to him.

I grabbed hold of his strong bicep with one hand to balance myself, feeling my legs begin to wobble as a dirty thought crossed my mind. “Bend me over your desk.”

Ransom smirked, both shocked and impressed by my request. “That how you like it, hm?” He licked his lips teasingly, running his spare hand down my bare thigh.

“I want you to fuck me really hard, Ransom.” I whispered innocently, looking up into his ocean blue eyes, unknowingly playing right into his deepest fantasies. He rubbed my clit so hard my body was moving with each circle of his thumb. “I want to feel your fingers around my throat.”

Ransom grunted in frustration, keeping eye contact with me as I spoke. Atta girl, tell me what you want.” He moved his hand from my thigh to his pants, skilfully undoing his the buckle of his leather belt.

Once he’d managed to unzip his trousers, Ransom shoved his hand down his pants, tugging his cock out to fuck it with his hand.

“I want to be naked when you fuck me.” I whispered against his lips seductively, moving my hands up to unbutton my blouse. “I want you to hurt me.”

Ransom groaned with his eyebrows furrowed, pumping his cock in his hand as his jaw went slack. Ransom’s hand stopped rubbing my clit and tugged on the soft material of my blouse, his eyes dropping to admire my boobs covered by a baby pink lacy bralette. 

“Fuck,” Ransom whispered huskily as I let my shirt pool around my elbows before dropping it to the ground. He suddenly grabbed my neck roughly, catching me by surprise as he tugged me toward his face. “You look so pretty for me, baby.” He groaned, resting his face in my neck as he leaves sloppy kisses on my skin.

I whimpered at the feeling of his hot lips on my body, wrapping my arms around his neck to bring him closer as I straddled him. I tilted my neck to give him more access, his hand squeezing around my throat softly.

Frustrated with my pussy still not being fucked with his cock, I decided to slide my hands down his chest before moving them back up underneath the thick material of his knitted sweater. I looked down, a satisfied smile on my lips as I ran my hand over his toned chest. “You’re so muscly.” I hummed sweetly, tracing my fingers over his abs.

Ransom stopped kissing my neck and let go of his cock for a moment, leaning back to lift his sweater over his head. He looked back at me as he smiled. “Don’t stare for too long, I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

I giggled softly, somehow a sweet moment shared in the middle of us fucking. I looked up into his blue eyes, shining brightly in the low glow of the office. My heart skipped a beat as he smiled back at me.

Without giving it a second thought I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, Immediately retreating after realising what I’d just done. “Shit, I’m sorry. I just got c-“

“It’s fine.” Ransom chuckled and cupped my cheek, pulling me back in for another kiss.

His lips were somehow soft and rough at the same time. Ransom’s breathing slowed as we kissed, his hand moving to my lower back to pull my body closer.

I whimpered softly as our bodies met, my clit rubbing against his cock. I parted my lips slowly, which gave Ransom the opportunity to deepen the kiss as I wrapped my arms back around his neck.

My boobs rubbed against his exposed chest as he slid his hand under my ridden up skirt, squeezing my ass cheek in his palm.

“You still want me to bend you over the desk?” Ransom whispered against my lips as I rolled my hips to connect with his cock again, wetting his tip in my arousal. “Or we could go back to mine and-“

“No,” I quickly jumped in, cupping his sharp jaw with my small hand as I looked helplessly into his eyes. “I want you to fuck me now, Ransom. I need you right now. Please.”

My other hand wasted no time moving between us as I take his big cock in my hand, tracing his length with my fingers as he gasped softly. “It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m right here.” Ransom groaned, licking his lips as he hooked his fingers into my drenched panties. 

I started pumping his cock in my hand as my panties hit the floor, desperately clenching around nothing as I waited in agony for his dick to be inside me.

“Fuck.” Ransom grunted as his jaw clenched, losing himself in the feeling of my hand jerking him off.

“You’re so big.” I hummed sweetly, looking down to where my hand was on him. Ransom’s hands moved up my bare back and skilfully unhooked my bra.

“Can you take it, baby? Hm?” Ransom growled in frustration as I squeezed my hand around him. My other hand gripped the flesh of his shoulder for balance, not taking my eyes off of his throbbing member. “Can that sweet little pussy take my cock?”

“Mmh.” I nodded my response and licked my lips, taking my hands off of him to let my bra drop to the floor.

A split second was all Ransom needed to stand up, yank me forward between him and the desk and press himself against my back. His fingers expertly slid my skirt down my thighs until it hit the ground, leaving me completely naked apart from my heels.

“Is this what you imagined?” Ransom whispered in my ear as his exposed chest pressed against my bare back, causing a shiver to ripple through my body. His arm hooked around my tummy as his fingers started rubbing my sensitive clit. “When you touched yourself at night. Is this what was running through that pretty little mind of yours?”

“Yes.” I gasped out a response, pressing my ass against his cock as the front of my thighs pressed against his wooden desk.

“Me too.” He admitted as he pushed me down to bend over his desk, his body staying flush against my back as he started rubbing hard circles on my clit.

“Oh fuck.” I cried softly as my face screwed up in pleasure, bucking my hips at the feeling of his fingers on my sensitive nub. His cock pushed its way between my ass cheeks, desperate to find its way into my aching pussy.

Ransom’s breathing hitched as the tip of his cock came into contact with my pussy lips. “So soft.” He whispered breathlessly, removing his hand from my clit as he stood up straight behind me. “So warm.”

I spread my legs a little more, eager for his big cock to fuck me. “Please Ransom.” I whimpered like a slut for him, parting my lips as I turned to look over my shoulder at him. “I need to feel your cock stretching out my tight little pussy.”

Ransom took hold of his cock, looking deep into my eyes as he lined himself up with my entrance before pushing himself deep inside.

I let out a loud cry, arching my back to push my ass closer to him as my head fell to the desk.

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” Ransom grunted, both hands on my hips as he pulls almost fully out before slamming back in to fill me. “You like the way it hurts when my cock stretches you out?”

With every thrust I started to get more desperate, already overstimulated by the attention his fingers. “Yes.” I whispered breathlessly.

Ransom’s hand suddenly grabbed at my hair, tugging my head back towards him roughly. I cried out, closing my eyes at the pleasure.

“Louder.” He growled, fucking into me quickly with sharp jolts of his hips. He wrapped my hair around his fist, pulling so hard that my torso rose from the table.

I moaned loudly as I rested my palms against the wood to try and balance myself as my pussy clenched around his thick cock. Sounds of us fucking filled the air as I felt myself coming to my high once more. 

“Fucking take it.” Ransom grunted aggressively, thrusting his hips with all his strength as he fucked me. “Take my cock like a good slut for me, baby.”

Daddy. Daddy was the one word that ran through my mind as he pounded into me. I’d heard people use the word before. I’d watched porn, I’d read smut where they used the word. But I’d never said it before, I’d never felt it before.

“Yes-“ I gasped softly to stop myself from saying it out loud, frightened of how Ransom would react. I didn’t want this to stop. It felt too good.

“Shit, I’m gunna cum.” Ransom moaned, taking his hand off of my hip as he tugged me up by my hair to rest my back against his chest.

“Ransom.” I moaned in response, his tip nudging against my g-spot with the new angle he was fucking me from. My legs started to shake as his fingers moved from my hair to wrap around my throat, squeezing with enough pressure to have me seeing stars.

“You gunna cum for me?” He growled from behind me, his balls slapping against my skin as he thrusted faster, chasing his high. “You gunna drench my cock with your cum?”

“Yes, Ransom, oh fu-“ I cried through choked breaths, wave after wave of orgasm hitting me as I frantically bucked my hips back against him.

Ransom grunted in my ear at the feeling of my pussy pulsing around him, his hand getting a little tighter around my throat to keep my head from falling forward.

“That’s it baby,” He soothes me through my orgasm, his voice a little sweeter than usual as I tried to recover. He continued thrusting mercilessly into me as his cock throbbed inside me. “That’s it.”

“Ransom,” I whimpered, turning my head to the side again as I felt my boobs bounce with every deep thrust of his cock. “I need your cum.”

“Yeah? You want my cum filling this sweet little pussy?” He moaned, clenching his jaw as tingles of pleasure rushed through his body. “You want to feel it flooding inside you?”

“Yes.” I cried out desperately, lifting my hand to hold onto his wrist as his fingers tightened around my throat, making it hard of me to breathe.

Ransom growled huskily as I felt his seed spilling into my wet hole. His fingers left marks on the side of my neck as he continued to thrust in and out, riding out his orgasm.

“Oh fuck.” He moaned euphorically, letting go of my throat before pushing my chest back down against the wooden desk.

I whimpered softly, feeling his cum filling my pussy as he rammed his cock deep inside me. His hands moved to my hips, pulling my ass back against him with more force as he stayed fully sheathed in my wetness.

“I’m still cumming.” He grunted, painting my walls with his cum as I started to fill it spilling out of me and running down the inside my thighs.

We both stayed there for a moment to steady our breathing before Ransom finally pulled out slowly. “Shit.” He whispered shakily as he admired the mix of our juices dripping out of my pussy.

Ransom took a step back, moving away to grab a few tissues from his coffee table. I stood up straight, turning around as he held one out to me as an offer.

Neither of us were in a rush to leave one another, but we didn’t know what else to do except get dressed.

We cleaned ourselves up and discarded the used tissues in the bin next to his desk. Ransom tucked his cock away as I shimmied my panties and skirt back up my weak legs.

We moved about in silence, the same silence as the first time we’d fucked. It was only once I’d finished buttoning my blouse back up and was trying to make my hair look presentable that he spoke.

“Come home with me, tonight.” Ransom’s eyes were focused on the back of my head as he re-buckled his belt.

I smoothed over my skirt, suddenly reminded of why I had it on in the first place. “I can’t.” I responded disappointedly, if it was any other night, I would’ve gone with him in a heartbeat. But I couldn’t cancel on Y/F/N with such little notice. She’d ask questions. Questions that I wouldn’t want to answer.

Ransom face dropped noticeably as I turned to face him. His eyebrow cocked in curiosity as he walked towards where I was, now leaning against his desk. “How come?”

“I- I’m..busy.” I managed to make the words escape my throat, intimidated as Ransom moved to stand right in front of me, pushing the sleeves of his cable knit jumper up to his elbows. I hated how turned on I felt at the sight.

“Busy?” He frowned curiously, eyes squinting as his fingers delicately traced over the exposed flesh of my thigh. I flinched at how he oozed dominance, trying to think of the right way to explain my evening plans but the silence seemed to tell all.

“Oh.” Ransom’s hand came to a sudden halt, leaving my leg feeling cold as his hand lifted off of my skin. His head dropped down to avoid my eyes, he now understood why I’d dressed different today. And his heart sunk as he realised it wasn’t for him.

“Come on Ransom,” I chuckled softly, trying to lighten the awkwardness and make him feel better as I adjusted myself to stand up straighter. Ransom coughed abruptly, turning his head to the side. “I’m sure one of your other girls would love to keep you company tonight.”

“Other girls?” Ransom’s head snapped back to me immediately with a deadly look on his face. His blue eyes stared deep into mine, making me nervous as I fidgeted slightly. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” His hands came to rest on his hips, his lips slightly parted in shock.

“Nothing, I-“

“So that’s what you think of me?” Ransom scoffed with a shake of his head, physically stepping away from me. “Just think I’m some kind of self-consumed womaniser who can’t keep his cock in his pants? Fuck me, it’s all over the media so it must be true. The disappointing heir of Harlan Thrombey who likes to enjoy himself, he must be off the fucking rails, unfit to run the family business. Do you think I just have a list of girls saved in my phone that I rotate through like some kind of fucking roulette wheel? Doesn’t matter if they have plans, or a boyfriend, I’m Hugh fucking Drysdale! I know they’ll come running so I use them just to dump my fucking cum into. God forbid I actually have a heart or life aspirations that don’t involve getting drunk, snorting coke or having a different girl in my bed every fucking night!” He was screaming his words by the end.

“No. Ransom, I didn’t mean-“ I tried to make him stop for a moment to explain what I meant. But he was so worked up. So heated, fury coursing through his body as his blood boiled from my accusation. 

Ransom ran one of his hands through his hair, his eyebrows deeply furrowed as I noticed his stomach expand with his heavy breaths.

“Ransom, please. I-“

“Just go.” He stepped further away from me as his face dropped sternly, clearing the path between me and the door.

I stood there, heartbroken at the thought of upsetting him, terrified of the fact that he was my boss. I’d never seen him this angry before. He had a point though. I didn’t know much about him apart from what I saw in the media. It was hard to ignore when they were constantly posting photos of him in compromising situations. Ransom was still new to the company, most of the time he’d been here he’d been stuck in his office attending conference calls with business partners or reviewing drafts. None of us knew much about Ransom personally. So we’d filled in the blanks with what the press told us he was.

“I said get the fuck out!” Ransom yelled in frustration, his muscles flexing as he picked up a glass from his desk, sending it smashing against the wall.

I flinched, terrified at the sudden sound, jolting upright and bolting toward the door without a moments hesitation.

I heard another crash from inside the room as the heavy wooden door shut behind me. My heart raced as I hurried my way through the reception area, thanking my lucky stars that everyone had already gone home for the day.

I stood by the lift, still in shock as I waited impatiently for the doors to open. I grabbed my phone from my purse, rolling my eyes as I remembered the double date that was about to take place. At least it would take my mind off of Ransom and the fact that I was probably going to get fired tomorrow. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut, I should never have let myself get involved with him. I knew I’d end up ruining it. It was too good to be true. 

Ransom sighed as he slumped down onto his leather office sofa after grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet. He held his head in his hand, untwisting the cap off the bottle with his teeth before spitting it out carelessly. There was no need for a glass tonight, which was lucky for him, considering his favourite one was in a thousand pieces on the floor.

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