#I haven’t read art heist baby either. because I have no interest.

[that-vampire-loser]

I feel like I’m the only marauders fan who has no interest in reading all the young dudes

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Dear 'Anime Bad' Anon: I Want To Help I pity your situation, so please have a list of weebshit that isn't moeified, or wherein the cutesy art-style serves a greater purpose. (Note: though they won't be soft marshmallow uguuuu, they may still have issues in other ways. Some may have aged badly with regards to how society views or portrays groups or beliefs, some may have upsetting content and dark themes, and some may simply not be to your taste. Note: Anime is a genre, not a monolith, and the disparaging stereotype that it's all cute girls uwuing over their brother s-s-senpai!!! is as much of a disservice as saying all western movies are just vapid cash grab superhero movie sequels with no inegrity or thought put into them. There are indeed a lot of superhero movies, but they're not all identical schlock (megamind vs venom vs kick-ass),  but even more than that, there is a wealth of creative endeavor just beyond the veil of Marvel's cape: just as there are plenty of good anime if you dig past the isekai high school harem wish fulfillment genre that no one wants to keep making but people keep making because it prints money to a very small demographic of the animation equivalent of a mobile game whale thereby allowing this frankly quite-small industry to work on engaging and worthwhile series where the budget permits, Regardless,)

Mushi-shi: -Pros: gorgeous animation, tranquil vibes, episodic stories so you can cram in an episode between classes or on your lunch break. highly recommended by the literal-who typing this out. -Cons: some themes or stories may cause emotional distress, learning to tell apart Urushibara Yuki's characters is a learning curve.

Baccano-Pros: meticulously-researched 20s-and-30s-era mafia violence with a hint of the supernatural, as a treat, told anachronistically with flair and jazz music. practically made to be binge-watched. the novels are finally getting translated into english as well. -Cons: lots of characters to keep track of, fair bit of blood and violence, some scenes or themes may be upsetting, lots of jumping around between different time periods. See Also: Durarara, another series by Ryōgo Narita with a ton of characters and a plot with more threads an overpriced sheet.

Cowboy Bebop-Pros: incredibly well-regarded, space bounty hunters are cool, episodic series that slowly takes on a plot towards the end, fantastic animation, scoring, and even dub work.  -Cons: some scenes or themes may be uncomfortable, some parts have not aged quite so well, the smart doll version of the main character is ugly, you're gonna carry that weight.

Trigun-Pros: starts lighthearted, develops an increasingly investing plot as the series goes along. fictional westerns are cool. this world is made of love and peace -Cons: some scenes or themes may be upsetting, and probably will be. gun violence is naturally present, but that ain't all of it.

Hellsing (standard or Ultimate. or Abridged)Pros: vampires killing nazis. the original adaptation isn't bad, the second adaptation (ultimate) is generally viewed as an improvement. abridged is a youtube parody version that was so popular the voice actors reference it in convention interviews.Cons: a Lot of violence, even trending to the gorey side of things. Uncomfortable Themes Everywhere, but it's a horror-tinged action series about killing nazis, so that's to be expected. 

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood-Pros: while the original anime was quite good, the second iteration is a large improvement. does to alchemy what naruto does to ninjas: It's Basically Battle Magic. the plot starts on a strong note and doesn't let up from there. -Cons: there are distressing scenes and themes that may or may not be tolerable to the viewer. there are moments of cheesecake and even an occasional joke or a moeblob here and there, and it's not all doom and all gloom all the time, but this doesn't detract from the abject horror-despair that comes to permeate this series as it progresses. finally understand why people on the internet respond so negatively to the name 'nina'! 

[Mod: many more recs/reviews under the break, worth reading for those who like more obscure anime and animation]

Grave of the Fireflies-Pros: you will remember how to cry. it's a good reminder that one country's 'triumphs' often come at the expense of another country's people.  -Cons: this movie is incredibly dark, do not watch if you are in a bad headspace. see also: Barefoot Gen, a similar tale but this time from the perspective of an actual survivor from Hiroshima.

Michiko to Hatchin-Pros: an actually diverse cast of characters tangled up in a messy and very humanizing story, interspersed with Shinichiro Watanabe's particular flare for adventure. -Cons: some scenes or themes are very likely to be distressing. can be tricky to find, too.

Mo no no Ke (not the ghibli movie, though it is also quite good.) -Pros: incredibly unique art style and pacing that draws heavily from japanese theatre traditions, every screenshot is wallpaper-worthy. -Cons: may cause motion sickness. it is a psychological horror series, and one that does not need blood, nor gore, to cause visceral emotional response in the viewer. scenes and themes will be distressing- as really, that's the point.

Tokyo Godfathers-Pros: a transwoman, a (self-identified) homeless bum, and a runaway teen girl find a newborn in the baby on christmas. incredibly wholesome, somehow, and grounded in reality, with wonderful animation from the tragically late satoshi kon. -Cons: it is grounded in realism, and sometimes, people are dicks. mild transphobia warning, too, but in-universe- the transwoman herself is portrayed with kindness and allowed to be her own (wonderful!!!) person. still, viewer be mindful.

Kino no Tabi (the first series is my preferred, the second is shinier but lacks emotional impact- in my onion.) -Pros: mostly episodic, very unique series that can be gritty where it counts and kind where it matters. -Cons: some scenes or themes might be disturbing. finding it's not easy, either, and unfortunately, i don't think the novels are being translated right now, either.

Spice and Wolf-Pros: it's mostly about economics. there are shenanigans, a harvest god, and a slowly burgeoning romance, sure, but it's still mostly about economics. -Cons: there are moments of cheesecake and comedy, and moments that may cause distress to the viewer. it may or may not be to your taste.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica-Cons: yeah i know, it's moeblobs.  -Pros: you're gonna watch 'em die, though, in case that may interest you. it's quite a good subversion of the magical girl genre overall. somehow volks hasn't made an MDD of anyone from the series and i will never understand how that didn't happen.

Wolf Children: Ame to Yuki-Pros: watch a family grow together as a newly-single mother does her best to raise her twin children after the tragic loss of their father.  -Cons: keep tissues handy. certain scenes or themes may be uncomfortable.

Lupin III (Red Jacket, Ghibli, and the new 3D animation are all A+) pros: heist comedy elevated to an art form before half (or more!) of the people reading this were born. the english dubbed series that used to air on adult swim is a treat. cons: this franchise started in THE SIXTIES, so naturally, some shit has not aged well. certain series (fujiko mine) are darker than others in themes and material. the 3d movie that released recently is an excellent starting point.

Samurai Champloo-Pros: breakdancing samurai, a fascinating roster of characters, and a superb soundtrack by the tragically passed Nujabes. -Cons: it was made in the weird era of the transition from analog to digital animation and so the /series master/ was animated at a painfully low resolution, so even if there's a bluray out there (I haven't looked,) it will be an upscale, which doesn't always look the best. as well, there are scenes and themes that may make the viewer uncomfortable here and there.

The Works of Studio Ghibli Oh, I'm sorry, Ponyo too suffused with childhood wonder for you? My Neighbor Totoro not depressing enough?  In addition to the infamous Grave of the Fireflies, Studio Ghibli has made a wealth of movies that aren't aimed squarely at the kodomo (children's) sector. -Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: climate change existential dread, the movie -Castle in the Sky: government obsession with obtaining weapons of mass destruction destroys everything beautiful, the movie -Pom Poko: human-caused deforestation and urbanization is destroying the natural world and all that live in it, the movie -Princess Mononoke: industrialization will be the death of everything beautiful in the world, the movie, with a side of sometimes everyone (and no one) is the villain when everyone is simply trying to survive -Howl's Moving Castle: The Physical Manifestation of Depression is a Liquid Ooze, the Movie, also War Is Bad It's not all depressing, but let it never be said that Hayao Miyazaki was subtle. Whisper of the Heart is a good coming-of-age story, Kiki's Delivery Service is a classic, Tales from Earthsea is divisive among fans of Ursula K. Le Guin but I personally liked it. From one studio alone there is a wealth of opportunities.

And that's really the point. These are just some from the top of my head. There are so very many options outside of the cute-girls-doing-cute-things genre that I couldn't list them all if I was here for a week. Or as Madoka Magica so ruthlessly showcases, even series that appear a certain way on the surface might not be what you bargained for once you look into them! These are all (I think) mostly older, mainstream-appeal series that should be easy to track down, too -- there are all kinds of singular animations like The Diary of Tortov Roddle, crowdfunded experiments like KICK-HEART, Masterpiece World Theatre renditions of classic (western) novels that never get talked about, films like A Silent Voice that confront social issues- and of course, series like Rozen Maiden that helped popularize this very hobby!

There is literally an ocean of content to explore from Japanese creators alone, and it opens up even more if you look into works from other parts of Asia- just look at how popular manwha have become, or Chinese animations like Leafie, a Hen Into the Wild! It's a genre unto itself, with all the breadth of content and inter-industry problems that come with it, and without any of the respect that similar art forms have been granted over the years. The way an entire culture's art form is often disparaged, disregarded, and belittled- and by extension, the way most of Asia's animated endeavors are often rolled up into that reductive dismissal along with anime and manga- is honestly Not Great, and there is absolutely a thread of xenophobia that runs through it. The industry has so very many problems (low wages, poor training, overwork of everyone ever, archaic financial modules, the exclusivity and breadth of merchandising necessary to turn a profit and how it leads to consumer burnout and disconnection over time, and yes, the way minors are portrayed not just in anime, but in Japanese media in general- and how much of that is actually bad (some of it is indeed,) and how much if it is cultural difference (I've heard people call the scene where the family in Totoro bathe together problematic because of the nudity, but I've also only heard people say that from the West)

-- none of the actual problems affecting the people who produce this medium are gonna improve when the general response to "animators frequently have to live at home to survive" is "that's what happens when you're a weeb."  It's 5am and I'm gonna point out the problems in the narrative around how we discuss this genre of entertainment because it's important, damn you! Regardless, thank you for coming to my unasked for and overlong TED talk about animation on a doll collecting drama blog, feel free to call me a pathetic weeb etcetera on your way out- but while you do so, might I suggest you also go watch a choice animated series! My current go-to is Bofuri, which is a cute-girls-doing-cute-things moefied isekai series that I refuse to apologize for watching. Be free. (The battle scenes are great and it captures the feeling of learning to play a new MMO with your friends better than most video-game-based anime I've seen in a long, long time. does anyone even still remember .hack? how about serial experiments lain...?)

~Anonymous

[straightfacedstrangeness]

Okay, these are not expert/Hardcore Nerd opinions, but I’m so used to being surrounded by Star Wars and keep being surprised that other people aren’t, so...Some Kind Of Star Wars viewing guide for people who aren’t into Star Wars

STARting point:

Basically, if you like robots, aliens, and big space battles (and/or are a special effects or sci-fi design nerd), you’ll probably enjoy Star Wars.  If you don’t...the writing and acting quality varies from version to version, and between different movies in the same trilogy.  Star Wars is more a thing to enjoy because it’s fun, not to appreciate as high art (unless, again, you’re a nerd for special effects or design).

The original movie, aka Episode 4: A New Hope, is the best starting point because it sets up the central characters and conflict, is a lot of fun, and if nothing else you’ll get like 60% of the Star Wars references people make.

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace is also a lot of fun and could be watched as a standalone, but the plot can be hard to follow, and the other Prequel movies (Eps 2 & 3) are best viewed through the lens of “how does this inform the events of the Original Trilogy” since they’re kind of awkward, confusing, and depressing without that context.  Only start with 1: The Phantom Menace if you have some nostalgia for it.

Episode 7: The Force Awakens is also a lot of fun and has the added bonus of a more diverse cast, but it and its sequels heavily build on and reference the events of the Original Trilogy.  The basic plotline of “evil fascists VS people trying to stop them” is probably easy enough to follow, though, so you can probably start here if you’re okay with getting some Original Trilogy spoilers, but you’ll most likely want to watch The Original Trilogy before watching 8 or 9.

Rogue One and Solo take place before The Original Trilogy and can probably be viewed first if you like the cast or concept of either (Rogue One: “here are the people on the ground doing the hard work that sets up the other heroes’ victories,” Solo: “it’s a heist movie IN SPACE!”), but they’re fairly dark by comparison and some of the big reveals or other details might make more sense with the context of seeing the Original Trilogy first.

The Mandalorian takes place on the fringes of the Star Wars universe and barely references any events or characters from the rest of the franchise (and even then, neither the audience nor the main character are expected to know who or what they are), so you can start here if you don’t mind minor spoilers for who won the (Original Trilogy) war.

The Original Trilogy (4, 5 & 6, 1970s-80s)

Lots of fun, heavily referenced in pop culture, great designs and cool puppetry and other practical special effects.  These are the movies with Mark Hamill as Luke, Carrie Fisher as Leia, and Harrison Ford as Han Solo.  All of them are great and bring a lot of charisma and humanity to their performances.  4: A New Hope is the really iconic one and is mostly a fun adventure through space.  A lot of people love 5: The Empire Strikes Back because it’s darker and hate 6: The Return Of The Jedi because it’s sillier, but honestly, it comes down to personal preference.

Once you’ve seen The Original Trilogy, you can freely watch either of the other movie Trilogies.  Just watching 4 is enough to let you skip over to the standalone movies or the TV show The Mandalorian.

The Prequel Trilogy (1, 2 & 3, 1990s-2000s)

These are the movies with Ewan McGregor as young Obi-Wan, Hayden Christensen as Anakin, and Natalie Portman as Padmé.  A lot of people shit on these for being “bad movies,” and yes the acting is often flat, the plots can be hard to follow (Original Trilogy is a simpler “bad government VS good rebels,” Prequel Trilogy has a lot of political manipulation and nuance but doesn’t explain it much), and a lot of it is watching people making decisions that you know from the Original Trilogy are going to turn out badly.  But I unironically love them, and they have really amazing design and special effect work (the CGI of course looks dated now, but it’s still phenomenal), and a lot of fun moments.  1: The Phantom Menace is another fun adventure through space, but with a lot of awkwardly racist alien caricatures who are thankfully played down or removed from the other movies.  2: Attack Of The Clones is a space adventure with an unfortunately uncomfortable romantic subplot, and 3: Revenge Of The Sith is relentlessly dark but I like the emotional drama of it.  Again, either you’ll think they’re fun or you won’t.

Like I said above, these are best watched after having seen the Original Trilogy, to inform the backstory and characters’ actions, VS being watched as standalone movies.

The Sequel Trilogy (7, 8 & 9, 2010s)

These are the movies with Daisy Ridley as Rey, John Boyega as Finn, Oscar Isaac as Poe, and Adam Driver as Kylo Ren.  Like with the Original Trilogy, all of them are great and bring a lot of fun and depth to their characters, and also 7: The Force Awakens is a fun space adventure, and people are divisive over 8 and 9, 8: The Last Jedi being darker and 9: The Rise Of Skywalker being lighter...but with the added meta-drama that 9 spends the entire time trying to undo or contradict things that happened in 8 (and an extra level of meta-grossness in that 9 seems to bow to things that Toxic White Guy fans hated about 8, like removing a major WOC character).  I personally prefer 8 because it’s a neat subversion on a lot of accepted lore and concepts from the Star Wars franchise and was disappointed in 9 as a result.  But once again it comes down to a matter of taste, and at the end of the day the main thing about Star Wars is fun dialogue and cool sci-fi stuff.

These should be watched after The Original Trilogy because they heavily build on and reference the events of it, though 7: The Force Awakens is a reasonable “First Star Wars movie” if this is the version you’re most interested in...just with inherent spoilers for The Original Trilogy.

Standalone Movies (Rogue One & Solo, 2010s)

Rogue One takes place immediately before The Original Trilogy but is darker and more of a heavy action-drama about people making difficult choices, with a good, largely-POC cast.  Solo also takes place before The Original Trilogy, though I feel it has some clunky writing (a droid character who’s reasonably upset about the literal enslavement of her own kind is treated as delusional and comic relief??) and also gets pretty dark with lots of character deaths, but it has the fun of being a heist movie with a conscience.

Like I said above, these can prrrrobably be watched without Original Trilogy context, but at least Rogue One is probably more rewarding if you’ve already seen 4: A New Hope.

The Mandalorian (TV show, 2020s)

This is the show with “armor guy and Baby Yoda” X’D  It’s basically a Western about a guy drifting from town to town across space and helping people with their problems...which mostly involve fighting and killing people.  As always, amazing designs and special effects, and I find the writing consistently compelling.  There are a lot of bonuses if you recognize a character, character design, or prop design from another Star Wars media, but since you don’t need to know them in order to understand the episode you’re watching, you may not even realize they’re references (which is the BEST way to do a reference).

This takes place immediately after The Original Trilogy, but you can watch this first if you don’t mind knowing who wins the war.  Though there are a few worldbuilding details (like being able to recognize the evil Empire’s uniforms or ships) that are probably a bit less confusing or a bit more rewarding if you've at least seen 4: A New Hope.

Other Media

I haven’t seen/read/etc much of any Star Wars except what’s listed above, so I can’t really offer any advice here.  But the CGI TV show The Clone Wars probably relies on you knowing the plot of Prequel Trilogy eps 1 and 2 (since it takes place between 2 and 3)...and if you’re jumping into some other Star Wars media and you can’t understand what’s going on, look at its copyright date and check what movies came out before it did, to gauge what you’d need to watch for context.  But all the movies only rely on knowledge of other movies, the other media are about fleshing out other aspects of the universe or things that happened between/before/after the movies.

Otherwise all I can say is that the Star Wars: Droids cartoon from 1985 is delightful and the few eps I’ve watched don’t require any Star Wars knowledge whatsoever.  (It’s long out-of-print but some kind soul put it on YouTube.)

[chxoticmuses]

SEND IN  ❔ AND I’LL LIST A  COUPLE MUSES THAT I’D LIKE TO THROW AT YOURS

Status: ACCEPTING!!!

@armsdealing said:  ❔

Bro, okay so at first I was going to do this long list giving each of your muses one or more muses of mine to interact with, BUT LITERALLY, THROW ALL OF UR BABIES AT THIS BLOG????? They’re all amazing. God bless for being able to deal with so many complex muses on one blog. They’re all lovely. Here are only some out of the million duos for our muses I can see:

(under a read more cause its kinda a long post)

— Marena/Cameron: I think it would be very interesting if these two interacted. Just from his powers alone (necromancy) and the fact that she’s the queen/goddess of death would make some quality interactions between the two.

— Keahi/Cordelia: These two have a lot in common with one another. They’re both witches who own little stores dedicated to antiques/magic paraphernalia. I can see a friendship between these two or at least a mutual respect for each other.

— Saul/Smiley: They’re both semipro boxers trying to make it to the professional level. I can see the two of them boxing at least once or interacting with one another. Whether they’re doing that in a friendly or more hostile way tho...

— Isla/Cordelia: They’re both all about helping others medical wise (considering that Cordelia’s powers are medical wise) and in some verses, Cordelia has her own clinics as well. They’re both pretty busy ladies and considering the fact that Cordie moves around quite frequently due to being immortal, I can see them being long-distance friends. I also can see her patching up some of my babies whenever they need medical attention.

— Olivia/Destiny: Though Destiny is a tattoo artist in her main verse, there was a point in her life where she did art for a year or two. A very brief time in her life, but she did it! I can see the two of them knowing each other during her art phase somehow!

— Luciano/Rose: Only because they’re both lawyers lmao.

— Samuel/Scout: They’re both prodigies when it comes to anything technology, both hackers, and involved with organized crime! The two of them also seem to be very secretive when it comes to their identity. I don’t know exactly how the two of them would meet, but I can see her doing something with 0:00 or doing something that messes with the group somehow.  Either that or she sought him out to help with something the Hustlers were working on.

— Dio/Lauren/Smiley: Ahhh, we already have something go with these two babes, but I just haven’t replied in like forever. I think from the thread we have it was pretty established that they were business partners of some sort. I’m guessing she works as a runner for him as well and their relationship seems to be on the neutral gray side of things (not really enemies, but kinda not friends either. Just friendly to each other). As for Smiley, I can see him working as a bouncer at one of the clubs Dio owns.

— Marcelo/Naomi: I don’t know exactly what type of dynamic they’d have with each other, but I can see him staring in one or more of her music videos. They probably come across each other a lot in the industry.

— Joaquin/Cameron/Vincent: I can see Joaquin interacting with any crime muse of mine, but specifically I can see him interacting with Vincent the most since their main business has to do with drugs. As for Cameron, since they’re both morticians and supernatural beings.

— Ludo/Angelique: Angelique deals with getting all the equipment that the Hustlers need for their heists and that includes guns. She’s probably a regular of Ludo’s and flies out to New York every now and then to get supplies from him.

[missblissy]

Title: Homeless at Home Fandom: Red Dead Redemption Genre: fanfiction, chapters, angst, reader insert, fluff, slow burn, friends-to-lovers, pre-game Characters: Young!Arthur Morgan, Dutch Van Der Linde, Hosea Mathews, Arthur Morgan/ Reader, Female reader, Arthur x Reader, Arthur Morgan x Reader, Arthur/ You, Young!reader Chapter: One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

Follow me on AO3!! Read it there too!

(( Enjoy the angst!! WARNING!! PHYSICAL AND ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT BELOW!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!! Enjoy the chapter!! Only more angst to come!!))

Description:

He cut you off. Why was he so angry? “You even a girl under there? Or you just some sissy boy?” He took a step towards you and you quickly backed away. He was quick though and snatched you up by your arm. You dropped the art book you were holding and it fluttered to the ground with a solid slam on the hardwood floors.

“L-let go of me!” You tried yanking away from him. He smelled so bad, like someone shit on him and dumped a bottle of rum on it and lit it on fire. Where was Dutch? Where was Annabelle? Why did he care what you looked like? You tried so hard to get away from him but you were stuck in the corner of the room now. You didn’t know how you got there.

__________________________________________

The sun was so hot. You had fair skin and it was not use to this much daylight. The sunburn that had worked it’s way onto your arms stung and itched at the same time. You and Arthur were sitting alone in camp, while the adults went off on a big heist. Dutch said they might come back with stacks of cash. The goal was to get enough money to head further northwest and into the Nevada territory.

You were slowly reading Jungle Hunt while Arthur scribbled away in his journal. On days like these, he was the baby sitter for little old you. He didn’t seem to mind though, he enjoyed your company. It was refreshing to talk to someone who wasn’t twice his age, though, you did little talking right now. It was so god damn hot, dry and terrible, that the two of you sweated in silence under the shade of the shallow cave you called home.

It was hard to believe, but about two months had already gone by since you joined the gang. Life was simple, but very hard at the same time. You worked a lot, doing chores, practicing your hunting and shooting skills, and every once in a while you got spoiled by Dutch who made it a habit to take you to town on Saturdays. That was today, and even though he was away on some big mission, he promised to take you into Dodge as soon as he got back. You knew he mostly went there to visit Annabelle, but he was kind enough to bring you and buy you things.

You had gotten to a pretty boring part in your book, and the heat was making it hard to think. Your little eyes wandered away from the pages and towards Arthur. He seemed like he was… angry? No… he looked more frustrated than anything. He sat across from you at the table. You thought he was just doodling, but it looked like he was trying to write.

“You spelled it wrong,” You sat up and pointed at his chicken scratch letters, “It’s spelled D-o-d-g-e. You forgot the D,”

Arthur groaned out and threw his pencil down onto the table, “God dammit!” He huffed and puffed and crossed his arms, “This shit’s hard. You don’t hear no second ‘D’ in Dodge! Where the hell did it even come from?” It was a little funny watching him get so upset over some words. He didn’t much like your giggles either, “Fuck off,” Arthur crossed his arms tighter and kicked back his seat so his chair leaned back.

You giggled a little more, waving a hand, “I’m sorry- I’m sorry. You just get so mad! It’s silly.”

This made him even more irritated, “Well you can fucking read!” Why was he so mad-… Oh.

You stopped your little laughter and stared at Arthur, “You can’t read?”

“Barely,”

Really now? How long had you know him? You had no idea he struggled with reading. He always had that damn journal. He lived for it, breathed for it, he bleed ink to soak on those pages. He also had that old torn up book too that he wouldn’t let anyone touch. And he couldn’t read? No way. You felt a little bad, in a way, because you remembered your father and how much he struggled with learning to read English. He hated every second of it, and you did your best to teach him, but after a while he just gave up. He could read fine, but only in French. He hated how English had so many words that could mean just one thing, he hated how silent letters could sneak up on you, he hated the way the letters didn’t sound or look the same as his mother tongue. You missed him. You missed him a lot.

You did your best to shove those thoughts away and turn your focus back on Arthur, “Do you want some help?” You asked.

Arthur didn’t seem in the mood, but he glanced back at you, “Help with reading?”

“Yeah. I use to teach my dad how to read until he got sick of it,”

Before Arthur could answer, the two of you could hear the low distant hum of horses running across the desert plain. The adults had finally returned. The two of you forgot your conversation and fled for the opening to your hideout. As you raced, you shoved Arthur out of the way, and in return he shoved you back as you both fought to get there first.

The second you made it past him you bolted, leaving Arthur in the dust. Dutch and Hosea seemed as cheerful as always, and Susan’s mild mannered mood told you that the heist was a success.

“What did you get!? What did you get!?” You were nearly jumping in place as you watched them all dismount and hitch their horses. Arthur joined a second later, frazzled and with new dust stains on his face and arms. Did he fall on the way here?

“Money!” Dutch grinned like a mad man, “Three grand!”

“And!” Hosea chimed in, “Some very handsome bonds. Thank you, Mr. Denis and your fine gold mines!”

Holy shit! Three grand and some bonds? All that hidden in some stagecoach? People out west sure were dumb, you thought. No one in their right mind back home would just leave stuff like that out for grabs. It’d be in a safe, within a safe, within another god damn safe and guarded by men with guns bigger than your arms.

“How much more do we need?” Arthur asked.

“A bit more,” Dutch handed the money off to Susan, while Hosea gave her the bonds. She was surely going to stash it away in the chest, “Maybe two more jobs like this and we’ll be good to go. Nevada’s got our name on it, and they’ve got land out there and people who need saving.” He always said that. What people needed saving? Who was Dutch going to save? Guess that was apart of the journey. You stood there, smiling wide at Dutch with an eager look on your face. Just like all the adults plus Arthur, he patted your head and walked past you, “Don’t you worry, my little lady, we’ll go to town soon. Give an old man some rest, though, would ya?”

And so you did. You patiently waited while Dutch talked over plans with Hosea, and pestered Arthur with philosophy lessons on nature or something like that. You didn’t really pay attention. You just wanted to get to town, buy a new book to add to your growing collection. And maybe possibly also ask Dutch to get you a candy bar. How on earth could he say now if you asked so nice and sweetly?

After what felt like years, Dutch finally saddled up and brought you to town. It was getting late and the sun was on it’s way down towards the horizon. You had just a few hours of day light left. The ride to town was always pleasant, it was just a good twenty minutes there. Ten minutes today because Dutch felt wild, and you laughed out as he spurred his trusty steed to race across the desert sands.

Like always, the two of you zipped right into Annabelle’s store. She was always happy to see you two, more so Dutch than anything however. She greeted you both with a smile.

“Well hello! Here for another book (Y/N?)” Annabelle’s kindness always surprised you. It surprised you because she was so smart and wise, yet she wasted her time with Dutch of all people. They did seem to make each other happy though.

“Mhm!! I’ve read Jungle Hunt two times now! It’s time for something new,” You stopped just short of the counter that was too damn tall, standing a few feet away so she could see you. Dutch made himself at home and easily went behind the counter and greeted her with a peck on the cheek.

Annabelle smiled like a freak, elated to have her dark and mysterious stranger back within her reach. Though she was sure to tell you, “I just got a new shipment of books. They’re up stairs. I was waiting for you guys to get here to put them out.”

Dutch was so kind to ask her, “Would you like me to get them, my dear?”

“There are two crates, we can each get one?”

“Lead the way,” Dutch gave her a gentleman’s bow and a flirty look that still made you want to barf, “We’ll be back down in a second, little lady. Don’t you steal nothing,”

Dutch pointed a finger at you and grinned while you both shared a laugh.

While you waited for them to return with the new books, you took your time looking at the ones already out. You worked your way into the back of the store, into corners you haven’t searched yet. It was dark back there, muggy, and the sent of old leather and yellowed pages wafted all around you. You found something neat, a book about art and history filled with more pictures than words. Maybe Arthur would like it? You knew he didn’t read much, but it didn’t hurt to start somewhere. You leafed through the pages, interested in the stories this book had to tell. It had pictures of famous paintings in it and statues from ancient times long ago. Arthur would love this, you just had to get it!

Maybe you could sit down with him, and read it together? The thought made you smile.

In the distance, you could hear the doorbell to the store jingle alive. Another customer? You paid them no mind, choosing to lurk around in the back.

This didn’t mean they didn’t see you. The store was like a hall way, and didn’t have any other rooms. You heard footsteps approach you, and a man say, “Excuse me, son-” When you turned and looked at him, clearly not a boy, but a girl just in boy’s clothing, he stopped and knitted his brows, “…Miss…”

This man didn’t look friendly. Or sober for that fact. You could smell the booze on him. He was old, with wild gray hair that was so messy that it probably never had been brushed before in his life. His face had patches of fuzz on it, with some stains that must have been from his day drinking. Whatever that man was thinking, must have been some fucked up thoughts. He seemed rightly angry at you for some reason.

“Anyone ever tell you how to dress, little girl?” His voice set off alarms in your head. What was he talking about? How many times have you walked through this town in pants, jeans, button downs and work shirts? No one ever said a thing before? “Didn’t your mama tell you how to act? What’s wrong with you?”

“I-..I’m sorr-”

He cut you off. Why was he so angry? “You even a girl under there? Or you just some sissy boy?” He took a step towards you and you quickly backed away. He was quick though and snatched you up by your arm. You dropped the art book you were holding and it fluttered to the ground with a solid slam on the hardwood floors.

“L-let go of me!” You tried yanking away from him. He smelled so bad, like someone shit on him and dumped a bottle of rum on it and lit it on fire. Where was Dutch? Where was Annabelle? Why did he care what you looked like? You tried so hard to get away from him but you were stuck in the corner of the room now. You didn’t know how you got there.

The stranger grabbed your other arm, pinning them above your head, “What’s the matter, girl?” He got so close you could count the teeth he had missing, “You gonna dress like a boy, I’ll treat ya like a boy!”

“Let go!” You felt some swell of energy, fear, and anger manifest within you. It gave you the strength to buck your leg up and kick him in his knee as hard as you could.

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. He let go of one of your arms, but used his free hand to slap you so hard in the face that you saw stars. What you did only made him more angry. In the few seconds you were dazed by the sheer blow of his hand against your face, he grabbed your leg and pulled it out from under you, causing you to fall backward and slam into the ground. How could all this noise not have made it’s way to Dutch and Annabelle? You pleaded, and were about to scream when the man slapped his hand down on your mouth while pinning you to the ground. He was so much bigger than you, and stronger too.

“You nasty little runt!” With the hand on your mouth, he used the other one to grab at your shirt. You kicked him again, nocking the gun free from his belt and it wobbled away onto the floor a few feet away from you, “You’re a little freak, aren’t you? A bastard? I’ll show you what happens to little freaks and bastards!” How could this have happened? How did it happen so fast? You started to cry, tears welled in your eyes and stung when they reached your cheek that was already inflamed. His hand smelled like rotten food, and he clamped your mouth shut so hard that his nails were digging into your skin.

It hurt as he pinned you there. The man started to grab at your clothes, he was so damn intent on seeing what you had to hide, which was your pride and dignity. Your heart was racing a mile a minute and you wished, hoped and prayed Dutch would hear what was happening and come to your rescue. The drunk tugged so hard at your shirt that the buttons started popping lose one by one. When he pulled your shirt free, he grabbed and yanked at your belt. You noticed his gun just out of your reach and something rang in your head though, words that Arthur told you not to long ago.

It’s either you. Or him.

You tried one last time, kicking him as best you could, wriggling around and trying to free yourself. You stretched out your arm, reaching with the very tips of your fingers as they grazed the gun’s barrel. Come on! Come on dammit! The man had managed to finally tear your shirt completely open just as your finger snared at the gun and finally grabbed it.

It happened within a second. The loud bang of a sawed off shotgun echoed so loud that the people in the streets could hear it. Blood washed over you like a tsunami, splattering your face, soaking your clothes, as you fired the gun right into the man’s stomach. He went limp, his eyes changed from rage filled and bloodthirsty to nothing and hollow in an instant. You watched the life and color drain from his face and his dead body collapsed right on top of you, trapping you under it. The awful smell of him, the blood and the gunpowder made your stomach twist in knots and you had to fight from puking.

Footsteps thundered from above and crashed down the stairs, “(Y/N)!!” Dutch called, “(Y/N)!!” He couldn’t see you there from the front of the store, or from behind the counter.

You whimpered out, letting out a cry and he followed. Annabelle was soon behind him. Dutch couldn’t believe his eyes when he found you. You couldn’t see it, but so many emotions twisted on his face. It went from fear, to anger, to pure blood-boiling rage. The man was lucky you shot him, because Dutch wanted to do something far worse. He ran towards you and pulled the corpse pinning you to the ground and flung it away like it was nothing.

“(Y/n), (Y/n)-”

You were shaking like a leaf when he freed you. Instantly Dutch fell to his knees and grabbed ahold of you, wrapping you in his arms as you sobbed. Annabelle stood in shock behind him while Dutch asked, “Annabelle- please get her something- a blanket- towel. Whatever you got,” She ran away without a sound and came back with a blanket.

Dutch took it, still holding you tight, “It’s alright, my dear,” His voice was low and soothing. You buried yourself in his chest, not wanting to face the scene before you, “I’m here-” he cleaned away the blood from your face.

“He- He-” You started to hyperventilate, your mouth felt numb as you struggled to breathe, “I-I- didn’t-”

“Shh- hey. It’s okay,” It didn’t take much for Dutch to understand what happened, seeing the state you were in, “He’s dead, you’re safe now. My poor sweet girl, it’s alright,” Annabelle called the lawmen over. She told them what happened and they took away the body, and left you all alone. Dutch would not let you out of his sight, nor his grip.

You wrapped the blanket around you, covering your exposed body as you huddled close to Dutch, afraid that the man would show up again even though you knew you killed him. You couldn’t stop crying, but you did so silently as the tears just kept on falling. You had horrible flashbacks to the night your parents died. Their screams echoed in your mind, mingling with your own now. Dutch quickly helped Annabelle clean up the mess. She noticed the booked you had dropped and handed it to you.

“You can take this home, no need to pay, my dear,”

“It’s for Arthur…” You whispered out in a broken voice, raspy and rough. You were still to frozen in fear to really move.

Dutch took the book for you, stuffing it away someplace you didn’t see. He kept his arm around your shoulder and herded you out of the store, telling Annabelle he’d be back later in the week. Right now he just wanted to get you back home, safe and sound.

He talked to you lightly on the ride home, “I’m sorry,” He said, you rode up front, Dutch’s arms encased you, ensuring your safety. You leaned back into his chest and kept the blanket tightly held around you, “I should have heard- I… I was foolish. Stuck in my head,” He was admitting in his own way that he was distracted by Annabelle, “I should have done better.”

“It’s okay,” Your tiny voice was barely a whisper, but he still heard you. You had finally stopped crying. Your face hurt a lot, you knew there would be a bruise and several cuts on your cheeks. Your legs hurt, so did your neck, and back. Everything hurt really.

“It’s not okay,” Dutch’s voice was low and he sounded like he hated himself, “I swore I’d keep you safe. I…” He took in a deep breath, not wanting to worry himself over the if onlys. He shook his head, left with nothing but disappointment, “We’ll get you cleaned up, my sweet girl, feed you and get your face patched up.”

The rest of the ride was in silence. When you had gotten back to Fortunes Hollow Dutch let out a loud call beckoning everyone to come out of there hiding spots. When the rest of them laid eyes on you, the nearly lost it. While Dutch explained everything to Hosea and Arthur, Susan took you off by herself, seeing as she was the only other woman around.

She took you to your tent and gave you a sponge bath of sorts. She talked a lot, but you didn’t really listen, instead just enjoying the hot water she ran down your back and dripped onto your hair. It felt good to finally get the smell of death and blood off you. You could hear Arthur and Hosea losing their minds back in the center of camp, demanding they kill the bastard, until Dutch told them you did it already when he attacked you.

After you got dressed, Dutch called you out of your tent, and kindly offered to let you stay the night in his. You gladly accepted, not wanting to be alone with your thoughts, nor alone at all. He moved your cot to the other side of his large and luxury tent.

You sat with your legs crossed on the edge of your bed, watching Dutch loot around in some chest of his, “Arthur liked his book,” He told you. That was nice. You nearly forgotten about it.

“Where is he?” You asked, noticing you hadn’t seen him since you got cleaned up.

“Said he had something to do and left off in a hurry,”

“Oh… Is.. he mad?”

“Mad? Sweet girl, no. Well, not mad at you at least- Ah! Here we are,” He had found some old book tucked away. He wandered back over toward you and pulled up a chair beside your bed. He waved his hand at you a few times while showing you what he had, “You might like this. It might help you feel better. Arthur told me how scared you were to kill someone, I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

You did hate that feeling. You finally took a human life. It didn’t change the way you felt, it only reassured you that killing and taking lives just wasn’t something you had in you. The book’s title simply said A Way of Thought. You didn’t understand, so your silent question as to what exactly this where came from the blank stare you gave Dutch.

“It’s a book about human philosophy. It teaches you how to think outside the box, how to look at things from other angles.”

You slowly shook your head, “I don’t want to kill people Dutch. Even the bad ones,” You confessed. He sat there listening to you, giving you his full attention, “My mother always told me it wasn’t right. It still don’t feel… it didn’t feel right. Even then. I… don’t want to be..”

“Like us?” He finished what you were thinking. It was true, you didn’t really want to be much of an outlaw.

“I want to do what my mother did. What my grandfather taught her to do, what my family has done for generations.” You felt it rooted deep in your heart, you knew that this was your calling. Maybe yes, you lived with a bunch of outlaws, criminals and thieves, but that didn’t mean you had to be one.

“And what’s that?” Dutch raised a brow.

You mulled it over, then finally choked it out, “I want to be a doctor. I want to save lives. Not end them,” You stared up at Dutch, watching him react to your little dream.

You were surprised he didn’t laugh and tell you a woman couldn’t be a doctor like so many people told your mother. He didn’t call you silly, or foolish. He looked at you the same way your father used to. With a love and need to protect you, keep you safe, and make you happy. Dutch gave you a small warm smile, “Then I’ll be sure to make you the best god damn doctor this side of the Mississippi.”