#I have the dumbest since of humor

[pirateprincessjess]

what if you fucking grow up instead of pretending to be a dog so people will give you the love you never got from your parents.

Oh! Oh! I’ve been waiting for this! I even took this picture so I could make this joke! But it’s such an autistic hyper fixation joke that I feel the need to explain it in excruciating detail!

In the early meta of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet VGC one cool Pokemon that I used was Dachsbun (a puppy Pokemon).

I would have it use substitute, which is a move that summons a pokédoll that sits in front of your pokemon. The pokédoll then takes damage instead of your pokemon.

In the picture I’m a puppy with a pokédoll substitute in front of me to intercept the anons attack! Just like how I used this stupid joke to intercept the attack! But the joke goes deeper!

Dachsbun has an ability called “Well-Baked Body” which makes it absorb fire type attacks, causing it to get a defense buff from the attack instead of taking damage. Dachsbun wasn’t a very commonly used pokemon so people often didn’t realize it had this ability and would try to use fire attacks against it.

In this post Anon is trying to burn me, so this is a fire type attack. And they had no idea that I’m an autistic pokemon turbo nerd who was going to absorb the attack into this extremely convoluted (and unnecessarily long) joke and use it to strengthen my defense. Just like Dachsbun!

But wait! There’s more!!!!

Dachsbun doesn’t have a strong attack stat, so its main offensive move is Body Press which allows it to attack with its defense stat instead of its attack stat.

Body press is a good move, but it doesn’t do a lot of damage without a ton of buffs, so it often ends up taking a long time to chip away at an opponents health. That’s exactly like how this post is probably slowly chipping away at anons health!

So to sum it up! I’m a puppy with a substitute Pokédoll that I’m using to intercept attacks, and I’m absorbing a fire type attack to raise my defense while slowly chipping away at my opponents life!

Anyway, thank you so much anon! I really appreciate you walking into this incredibly stupid trap that I’ve laid!

[solbaby7]

Sweet Thing

pairing: rhysand x reader

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

part 4 of the shy!reader massage mini series

warnings: swearing, sexual implications, possible violence, jealousy, gambling, male egos, petnames (bc being called bunny is so cute and soft, fight me on it)

summary: Your High Lord hosts a party with a dozen hothead Illyrian soldiers where you become the main attraction

—

“Stay close,” Rhysand murmurs in your ear, a warm hand pressed at the low of your back to guide you into the large room. It’d been recently renovated; not yet decorated and you'd assumed it was turned into a makeshift meeting area, a giant table pushed in the middle with a dozen chairs wrapped around it. It was also the furthest room from your own—a little detail that Rhys quickly bristled over when you'd mentioned it earlier. “Wanted to keep my good luck charm close by tonight.”

Your cheeks warm under the words, annoyingly aware of how sensitive your body had become in response to the High Lord since that night. It haunted your every breath; his barely contained need, the throbbing cock just a few measly layers away from being everything you’d ever dreamed of and Rhysand fed off of it like ravenous wolves who'd been starved three winters over. The teasing was merciless; heated touches and sinful words of remembrance haughtily whispered in your ear when you were supposed to be concentrating.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about.” You shy out of his touch, the hunger in his voice unmistakable and creating distance is easy when the others begin to filter in. A dozen or so pristinely dressed males of all sizes briefly greet Rhysand, hands clapping at each others backs and the testosterone that filtered in was thick enough to suffocate. They were friends; guys he’d fought and bled with, people he’d known for hundreds of years all gathered for card games and expensive glasses of liquor.

You were only there to help, to look pretty and shuffle the cards and stay close to Rhys—easy enough. “I’m thinking I should’ve dressed better.”

His fingers trace over the pleated pattern of your skirt, the soft purple fabric teasing at the middle of your thigh and all he can smell is some fruit on your skin—pomegranate? pear? “You look perfect, don’t worry about all them. You’ll be collecting their money for me by the end of the night.” Rhys is touchy; shamelessly so in front of others and you notice a few of the guests beginning to take you in, their stares raking up your form, sizing you up and you can feel Azriel shift closer from beside you.

"You always did have the prettiest little things hanging off your shoulder, Rhysand." Your head slowly turns to face the drawling voice, male entitlement and an incredulous amount of confidence seeping from every pore. Handsome and wealthy, but the allure dies the moment his mouth opens. The tailored suit alone was worth three months of the average faes rent and then some. "You have to tell me where you found this one."

Rhys laughs but you can tell there's no real humor behind it, his hand raising to wrap around your waist and pull you in closer; enough for your thighs to skim on the arm rest of his chair. The body language is possessive no matter how casual it’s intended to be and you catch Cass and Az sharing a look—mentally agreeing to pounce when they deemed fit.

Like salivating lions dressed in sheep's clothing.

"Couldn’t tell you, Maverick, she just stumbled in my lap."

He's trying to hold back for the benefit of the greater good—that was the whole point of inviting them over in the first place. Even after Mor had insisted that it was the dumbest idea ever inviting a dozen ill-tempered Illyrian soldiers and filling them up with booze. "I'd love to see her stumble in mine."

Your reaction is instinctual after feeling the High Lord's shoulders tense under your fingers and in seconds your hands are gently kneading at the muscle there, a palm running soothing lines up the length of his back and manicured nails scratch wonderfully at the nape of his neck until a bit of that darkness subsided. With a hum, you gently push his hand from your waist, backing away with a pitch only audible to him, "Gonna grab you guys some drinks."

"I'll help." You don't even try denying the spymaster, more than familiar with his customs and how unbearably uncomfortable he got once you started taking care of large groups of people. Az was always the first to say thank you when you served dinner and always made sure to wait until you sat down and took the first bite before even touching his fork.

He's quiet behind you, busying his hands with polishing the glasses you'd lined up and his shadows follow you around like a clingy pet but you understand why he's there—a silent promise that he'd have your back the entire night. That you’d never be left alone.

Azriel watches you pour a six-hundred year old bottle of amber liquor one knuckle deep for every cup besides one—that one got double and a single ice cube. Just how the High Lord liked it. "It's going to be fine," You tell him softly, storing away the rest of the bottle and you don't fight the smile that pulls when he stops you from carrying anymore than three glasses—brunting the rest of the work on the shadows. "Just a few hours and it'll all be over."

Azriel only hums but there's an underlying gratefulness for not having to speak or explain and his protectiveness towards you grows at how easily you understand him—adapting to his moods with ease.

He returns to his seat, shadows wisping their thanks over the length of your calf and a sweet smile is sent Cassian's way when he presses a grateful kiss to your hand. You turn to go back to Rhys, one final drink in your hand and you can feel Maverick's eyes trailing you, undressing you, touching and lusting from afar but he might as well have been shouting it across the room from the top of his lungs. "Come sit, bunny. And shuffle the deck, will you? They think I cheat."

"We know you do." Another male chuckles over the rim of his glass, blue eyes sharp and tawny curls tickle at the sides of his ears—Cade, you learn after a few minutes of listening in silence. You sift through the deck, righting the cards and splitting them in two before shuffling once, twice, a third time before you set it before you to be split by another. “Look at the hands on this one,” Cade poorly whispers to Maverick, shoulders bumping playfully and you felt like you were being hunted, ganged up on—eaten alive by males who didn’t follow the same code as the ones you hung around. “I bet they get the job done quite nicely.”

Rhysand has no time to respond because Cass is already doing it; gold battles with blue, large hands broadcasted before him and the General looks down at them to peer like a high maintenance woman after her nail appointment. “You should look at mine,” Crimson red Siphons glow with life on his arms; all seven of them, most hidden by the dark long sleeved shirt he wore but the message got across rather quickly. “I’m sure they’ll do it much better.”

You shift in Rhys’ lap, settling into the hands splayed around your waist, the other trails ticklish lines up the length of a bare arm and you’re grateful for how quickly the conversation shifts. “What do I do now?”

The low cadence of his voice rumbles against your back, hair gently pushed off one shoulder to make room for the chin that settles there. His instructions are thorough and intended to be purely informational but the smell of his cologne, the large hands sliding down lower to rub at the sides of your thighs and you’re unbearably aware of the plush of your ass nestled right atop of him. Cards are dealed, the rest left in a pile and you slowly draw three, facing them upright and most of the rest is a bit of a blur.

Every now and then Rhys will lean closer to mumble about what was going on but mostly it was just a room full of drunk males and their money. They cursed like sailors and laughed like hyenas, a chorus of voices overlapping the other until the liquor took its course and the true personalities settled in.

At some point you stand, hands grazing the back of Rhys’ neck when you mutter something about grabbing a snack. You’re not far, maybe a few feet away, body just barely obscured by the wall that separates them and the kitchen while you pile a plate full of finger food to snack on; fruit, mini sandwiches, warm meats wrapped in flaky dough and you’re pulled away from your focus when a voice clears. “There you are,” Maverick doesn’t look shitfaced but the liquor was definitely taking its toll, his steps a little unsteady and he slurred the s’s in his words. “How about you come rub my shoulders for me, sweet thing?”

Your brows furrow, mouth opening to give a response when the males hand raises to trace the line of your collarbone, you freeze. Four fingers graze over your shoulder and slowly moves down the length of your arm. “I don’t think—“

“I’m not asking you to think, sweet thing.” Your stomach churns, discomfort evident in the way you crane away from his touch but Maverick doesn’t care—as if unreciprocated want wasn’t an issue for him. “I’m telling you to come over here and offer up some of that treatment you’ve been feeding those three,” His eyes feel like hands in the way they roam your body, catching on bare skin and practically salivating to see the rest. “Swear I’ll return the favor.”

Your heart hammers in your chest and anxiety swells—you really should’ve just stayed put, the food in your hand threatening to spill to the floor with the intensity of your shaking but Maverick feels so close and you can smell his cologne; the whiskey. “I should get back to Rhys.” It’s no more than a whisper but when you try to slink past him, a hand clamps tightly around your arm, roughly tugging you back.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

A whimper escapes and just like that the kitchen explodes with darkness; relief overtakes your form as familiar hands tug you close and the arms that tuck you in close feel right—safe. Safe enough to not notice the warm spray of wetness that splatters against the back of your legs until you hear the steady drip,drip, dripping on the floor. Your head turns but before you can look Rhysand is tucking you in tighter, full lips pressing kisses to the top of your head. “Don’t look—let’s just get you cleaned up.”

“What about the others?”

“Cassian and Azriel will handle them,” The High Lords voice isn’t nearly as calm as you remember and it’s only when you’re halfway down the hallway does he loosen his grip a bit, turning you to face him to begin his assessment. “Did he hurt you? Did he fucking touch you?”

You can’t form words, realization beginning to form when you see blood splattering your clothes but you manage to shake your head. “He just grabbed me—Rhys did you—“

“I shouldn’t have let you go alone.”

“It was just a second.”

“A second longer and he could’ve—“ He stops himself from saying more; too afraid to make the words reality or too pissed to have to verbalize them but Rhys lets out a deep breath when he can find no damage besides a hint of a bruise. “I should’ve taken my time.”

You don’t need to ask to know what he means.

Instead, you place a palm on his cheek in hopes to ground him, to remind the High Lord that you were safe. Violet eyes soften, silver flecks catching in the light and it takes everything in you not to buckle beneath him when he looks at you like that—like it was nothing to kill for you. “Let’s go, I’d say it’s about time you return the favor and give me a massage.”

Mischief glints in those eyes, a smirk curling at the corner of full lips. “I can’t promise I’ll remain professional.”

“That’s sort of what I’m counting on.”

[anifever]

omggg I love ur Lottie!reader hc’s! Could you do one where the reader acts like Tiana? A super independent, great cook and no-nonsense gal with good humor is someone I think the whole gang would rlly love

Gang w/ a Tiana!Reader ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

The Outsiders x Fem!Reader

୨୧ : Curtis gang with a reader who’s like Tiana from ‘Princess and the Frog’

A/N : Why does my theme mess up when I do requests kms. Once again, sorry if these are a bit short <\3 I have so many other requests I’m working on so bare with me

˖⁺‧₊˚ 🐸 ˚₊‧⁺˖

Darry

୨ IMO, he’d be the best choice for someone with that personality to be paired with

୨ The gang is terrified of pissing either of you off

୨ My ongoing hc/scenario of him = throwing flour at each other whilst cooking together continues to hold up

୨ He thinks you’re the perfect mix of sweet with a bit of sour

୨ If you have a little restaurant, etc; he’s always gloating about it

୨ He’s honestly a little shy about it like one of his coworkers asks abt you during a lunch break and he’s just like “Well….🤭🤭🤭”

୨ You guys both share your parents recipes with each other

୨ He’s the one who’s always cooking for his brothers/the guys, so it’s helpful when he gets a bigger range of things to make

୨ Also helpful that you offer to cook with him or just do it yourself sometimes

୨ He gets pretty worried when he notices you overworking yourself (ironic.)

୨ You both try to help each other through it and take some burdens off one another’s shoulders

୨ You’re both super independent; power couple

Two-Bit

୨ You love to cook, he loves to eat

୨ You’re his saving grace

୨ You also match his sense of humor which makes you the full package in his eyes

୨ He can’t compliment you without you brushing him off and he hates it LMAO

୨ He just wants to butter you up but you’re so humble

୨ Then again, he gets all shy when you start sweet-talking him back

୨ You spoil him with food constantly

୨ “Baby, you’re an amazing cook ‘n all, but I’m gainin’ a bit of a belly-” then you just shut him up by stuffing his mouth with more food

୨ You don’t gaf about his weight you just like coddling your funny lil’ handsome guy

୨ Like I said, he cannot stop complimenting you, like it’s impossible for him

୨ He thinks you’re perfect and feels the need to constantly rub it in other people’s faces that they don’t have someone like you

୨ Like he bagged a woman who can cook, is funny, nice, gorgeous, and stays humble about all of it????

୨ It will forever be his greatest achievement

Steve

୨ You keep him in check

୨ He can be such a smartass sometimes but he learned not to mess around with you fast

୨ Just sits and watches you cook sometimes because he’s so mesmerized by it

୨ He debates on stealing ads for your restaurant he sees around town since he’s so proud of you but then he decides it’s probably bad to lower your promo

୨ He says “There’s my favorite chef 😋” with the dumbest grin on his face whenever he sees you after a while of being apart

୨ If anyone dares to say something bad about you or your food, etc- his ass is NOT having it

୨ His smart-ness comes in handy in cases like that

୨ Like I said, you can handle your own and he’s lowkey giggling and kicking his feet on the inside whenever he gets to witness it

୨ He’s like yes!!!! That’s my girl!!! 😣😣

୨ Borderline moans when he tastes something new of yours and you can’t tell if he’s playing it up or being serious

Dallas

୨ You walk him like a dog I’m crying

୨ You’re really kind most of the time, but he loves that you’re also able to handle yourself

୨ Like going to Buck’s together and some guy is being weird, he thinks he’ll have to step in but you handle it just fine on your own

୨ He wanted you to have his children after that.

୨ Anyways, you’re also really caring over him

୨ Not to mention super loyal which he’s not used to

୨ You always clean him up after fights (not without scolding him tho)

୨ Once again, if you own a place yourself or at least work somewhere, he’s always showing up out of the blue

୨ He reluctantly agrees to be on his best behavior when he visits

୨ That being said, when he hangs out with Pony and Johnny, he’s always bringing them there for food

୨ He tries to flirt with you whilst you’re on-job and you do not have any of it

Soda

୨ He’s always ready to be a taste-tester whenever you try a new recipe

୨ He’s just so supportive I’m sobbing I love him

୨ You pack him lil’ sweets for him to snack on during his shifts at the DX

୨ He watches you passionately talk about cooking/your job with hearts in his eyes

୨ Whenever girls come into the the DX to flirt with him, he takes the chance to promote your business/the place you work LMAOO

୨ He worries a bunch when you start working more than normal

୨ He tries to get you to take breaks but then you’re like “?? You do the same thing with your job” and he’s just like “Ah.. well, you got me there.”

୨ Realistically though, he gets where you’re coming from about “the only way to get what you want is through hard work” and relates to it

୨ That still doesn’t stop him from pouting when you seem more tired than usual when you take longer shifts, etc

୨ You start helping him and his brothers out financially once you start making more money

୨ He cries.

Johnny

୨ You try to help him with his confidence since you’ve got a lot of it yourself

୨ You make him feel secure

୨ You’re also a pretty big inspiration for him

୨ He doesn’t eat great considering his living conditions other than when he goes over to the Curtis’, so he’s basically getting full course meals when he’s with you

୨ You encourage him to get multiple helpings/take a few bites before the food’s done but then scold the other guys when they try to LMAO

୨ “Oh, so Johnny can eat it early but not us??”

୨ “What- was I supposed to let him STARVE?!?! 🙄”

୨ You care about him so much and always make sure he’s away from his parents as much as possible

୨ You’re aware he can also handle himself the same way you can, but you’re still protective over him nonetheless

୨ You have confronted his mom before and desperately tried to keep your usual down-to-earth and kind demeanor, but it didn’t work. At all.

୨ You and Two-Bit are one in the same when it comes to that woman

Pony

୨ He is SCARFING your food down

୨ I’m dead it’ll be gone so fast, he can’t help it

୨ Loves that you’re so headstrong since he’s the same way

୨ Anyways, imagine he brings home a small box filled with something you made him from school & Steve’s like “Where’d you get that from?? 🤨” and he gets all smug about it

୨ He refuses to let him have even the smallest bite

୨ You get along really easy with everyone and he loves that about you

୨ You’re always sticking up for him if he’s getting made fun of at school, on the street, etc

୨ It makes his lil’ heart hammer in his chest

୨ He visits you during your waitressing shifts

୨ Like he studies and does homework up at the counter while you work and he takes glances up at you every now and then AHHHHH

୨ He also probably does yours for you depending on how busy you are

୨ You repay him with food on the house though 😊

୨ Darry’s always asking him where he’s been and he’s like “… the diner in town…🧍” and he’s still suspicious but he’s just glad he’s not getting into trouble

[sulumuns-dootah]

Hello again! I hope you are well! If you don’t mind I would like to request some headcanons please! Could I get the Gehenna and Avisos demons with an MC who laughs at the dumbest shit? (Basically they’re that one bitch who will laugh at a video of a bowl falling down the stairs— definitely not based on me at all) If Gehenna and Avisos are too much just Gehenna is fine. Thank you so much! ❤️

WHB demons s/ an MC who laughs at the dumbest stuff

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

A/N: Hi! Hope you're doing well too ^^ Also I literally do the same thing so this was really fun to write :D

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Satan

Depending on his moood he'll either laugh with you or kick you

You will most likely have to explain what exactly is funny about the thing you're laughing at

But still, if he doesn't get it, he'll laugh anyway

Sitri

Poor confused baby

Doesn't get it, but for him it's better to have you laugh than have you cry

Sitri's the type to just smile politely and and wait for you to stop so you two can get back to what you were doing before that

Amy

"Huh? Okay..?"

Amy's the type to get angry that he doesn't get it

And once you explain why it's funny, he'll just hate it cuz it's so dumb

Still, there could be worse things you could be laughing at like Sitri's jokes

Leraye

"Oh? Ahaha...!"

Leraye does this too

He'll probably be the one pointing the funny thing to you

A real mutually beneficial relationship

Paimon

Another confused baby

But, instead of a polite smile like Sitri, Paimon grins

If it's something happening irl, they'll record/take pictue of it so other demons online can have a good laugh too

Belial

Loves the sound of your voice

Also, Jiyu's gonna laugh too and it's a compeltely different laugh from Belial

Belial will even bring up the thing you laughed at when he wants to hear your laugh again

Astaroth

"I'm afraid you'll have to provide me with an explanation, Y/N."

Won't get it even if you spend too long to explain it

But at least now he knows what type of humor you like

Too bad since he doesn't get it, there's no way for him to use it to his advantage

Zagan

Just as always, his expression is hard to read

But there is an underlying smirk

Zagan is kinda hard to come up with something for him

I geniunely don't think he'd even acknowledge the situation

Beelzebub

If you thought you're easy to make laugh, I present you the king of Abyssos

This man chuckles to himself for no reason

So if you actually have a reason to laugh, he's laughing along with you

Bael

Another demon, who doesn't really get it

But hey, at least you're a nice ray of sunshine to breakup all that paperwork

You light up the room, y'know?

Stolas

Just like Amy will get angry he doesn't get it

Might even escalate to threatening you with his gun

Protip: "You're too young to understand" is the worst thing to say in this situation and will definitelly result in death

Naberius

Yeah, Nabe is another one who just politely smiles

His type of humor are elaborate anecdotes from books

To be fair, Naberius doesn't really even get memes so good luck joking with him in general

Amon

He's most likely asleep, but if you wake him up with your laugh, he'll laugh along too

This simple humor is right up his alley

It doesn't require much brainwork which is kinda cool too

[blasphemecel]

Michael Kaiser — Pissing on Romance's Grave

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader WORD COUNT: 1.3k TYPE: Humor, Established relationship WARNING(S): tw Kaiser

Today is worse than a plague.

Well… Exaggerated inner turmoil aside, you’ve been having an awful day. It’s like you’ve been waddling through a swamp of bullshit. Even now you’re climbing up the stairs to your apartment because the stupid elevator broke. Could’ve been worse, you suppose — at least you weren’t inside when it malfunctioned.

The feeble attempt at optimism, however, isn’t easing your hatred and misery at all. Proof of your ever present anger is how you almost rip the door off its hinges after you unlock it, barging in, then closing it with a bang again.

While taking off your shoe, you register a strange smell. Of something burnt. Maybe you’re resigned to the fate that it’s probable you’ll die today, so while you are alarmed, it’s not enough to make you hurry and run with your other shoe still on. Even when you do begin your trek with heavy footsteps, your pace is brisk at best, following the scent right to your bedroom.

You don’t hesitate, but perhaps you should’ve, since it would’ve given you a moment to brace yourself. Still, nothing could’ve really prepared you for the sight that greets you once you enter.

“I can explain,” Kaiser says with wide eyes, reaching out his hands in front of him in case you try to lunge at him and go in for the kill.

Your bathrobe looks burned. Usually this isn’t an observation you’d be making, but you’re forced to now, what with Kaiser wearing it… for some godforsaken reason. Your bed is in even worse condition, tattered and covered in soot, melting candles knocked over. Wax sticking to the ruined sheets. Rose petals are scattered all over the floor. Many of them are ashy like they got caught up in whatever incident occurred. Three more candles dripping over the flowers and the carpet, all these things culminating in a giant mess.

What the actual fuck are you looking at?

“Open the window!” you scream at him then gesture towards it, maybe in case he doesn’t know what a ‘window’ is. It wouldn’t surprise you at this point with the way things are going.

“I did!” Kaiser says, annoyed, as if he has any right to be giving you an attitude in this situation. Though, recognizing the murderous intent in your face, he fumbles to reach out and open it. “I did, but I got cold, so I closed it.”

“Yeah, speaking of, why the hell are you wearing my bathrobe?”

“Because I didn’t want to bring mine-”

“Why do you need to be wearing a bathrobe. At. All.”

“For the atmosphere.”

“For the atmosphere?” You throw your hands up in the air in exasperation. “For the atmosphere?! There’s no atmosphere, this is just a fire hazard!”

“It was going to be romantic-”

“Why did you close the window even though the room hasn’t aired out and stayed inside? Why were you even- What if something happened to you?!”

Kaiser smirks at you, content all of a sudden, before he crosses his arms. You could punch him in the face. “Oh, so you’re worried about me. You’d be sad if I died.” He says all this in the tone of announcing a triumph he’s holding over your head.

You ignore him, stepping over one of the roses. Kaiser regards the action with mild offense, which you don’t notice, since you’re too lost in the haze of your rage to even comprehend what’s going on. “How did you even manage this?”

“There was a miscalculation.”

“What does that mean?”

“I, um, I… tried to pose on the bed,” says Kaiser. This is the first time you’ve seen him look shameful during your entire time together, averting his gaze away from yours and all. Which is one way to affirm his statement and plan are particularly stupid, since he’s the type to stare at you straight on, unflinching, and smirk at you while telling you the dumbest shit.

“Pose?”

“You know. You know what I mean, right? Like a French girl? Yeah, like that.” The more he explains it, the more pathetic his mumbling is getting. To think even Kaiser, who’s obsessed with the sound of his voice, is capable of an inside voice.

You’ve never been so tense in your life. You might be developing a hernia in your neck. “Oh right, of course. Right! Because why wouldn’t you do that while wearing something flammable? I’m so stupid, how didn’t I think of that? Also, why in the world were you trying to LIGHT UP THE CANDLES AGAIN?! Like, let them rest, they’re already fucking done for! I saw you!”

“For the- for my artistic purposes. Of course. A real visionary doesn’t just give up after a small mishap.”

“And! The key I gave you is for emergencies! Not for you to-”

“But it was!!! A fucking emergency!”

“-set fires in my home! What are you even doing here?” You finish off your speech with a huff. Your tantrum has exhausted you, but at the same time it’s convenient you can use Kaiser as a verbal punching bag because of his lunacy.

Now he’s channeling his kicked puppy eyes. Like, he’s trying his best to force himself to cry, you can tell by the way he’s squinting at you and straining. When the effort proves futile he gives up and settles for glaring at you. “Alright, I know I messed up, but it’s obvious I was trying to surprise you for our anniversary.”

You blink at him. Then stay quiet.

“You forgot!” he accuses, trying to distract you from being mad at him by creating some fabricated emotional torment. Then he tries to force himself to cry again, and all you do in response to the display is roll your eyes.

Damn, you can’t believe your day has been so awful, your one year anniversary slipped your mind. These people are working you to an early grave.

“Whatever,” you say, before making a vague motion all around. “Clean up.”

His jaw hangs open as if he’s scandalized. “What? You want me to clean this shit all by myself?”

“You inflicted this on my poor bed alone. Clean it, now.”

Seeing that you’re apparently not dying of guilt, Kaiser decides to switch tactics. “But! My beloved, light of my life, fire in my groin-”

“That’s-” you interrupt your own sentence with a groan and resist the urge to either sock him in the jaw or find a way to knock yourself out through some obscure pressure point. Then you shake your head. Unfortunately it does nothing useful like for example maybe erasing the last twenty-four hours from your mind and instead remains as a meaningless gesture. “Not how it goes.”

“I know,” he says, satisfied with himself and his ridiculous antics. At least you think he must be from his annoying, smug grin. Though immediately after Kaiser appears to get a mood swing because his lips twist down again. “I can’t believe you forgot about our anniversary, though. And now you’re making me act like a maid. Do I mean nothing to you? You’re breaking my spirit here and this is an unethical dynamic-”

“Micha, I don’t give a fuck about your guilt tripping act. Just clean this up so we can enjoy the rest of our day.”

“Fine. Whatever. You win. You win! Your heartlessness wins against my romantic soul. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

You grit your teeth. “Shut up and get on with it.”

“Okay.” He deflates like a particularly depressed balloon.

You then proceed to watch as Kaiser makes his way around and acts like gathering and throwing away rose petals is the most difficult thing anyone has ever done. In his mind, this experience must be the most suffering anyone’s ever endured — but who knows what goes through his head. Several times, he offers to buy you a new apartment because he ‘doesn’t feel like dealing with this’ and since it’s ‘below him.’

And the whole time you’re observing him and his behavior, you can’t help but wonder what mental institution this man must’ve crawled out of to then find his path leading to you.

[randoimago]

Fandom: Critical Role / Legend of Vox Machina

Character(s): Percival Fredrickstein Von Whatever Whatever De Rolo III

Note(s): I have no idea what possessed me to write this. Here I am looking for cute, fluffy things and trying to decide who to write for when all of a sudden The Changebringer took the wheel. Here's some Hurt/Comfort with Percy set during the Chroma Conclave stuff but no campaign spoilers (just mentions of things that have happened already in the TV series)

"Are you okay?"

Percy rolls his eyes at the question as if it's the dumbest thing anyone has asked him. And honestly, in this moment, it might be. He's had his family almost wholly taken from him. A demon pretty much had him under possession at some point, attempting to kill those he cared about because of his damn pride and need for revenge. Dragons are every-fucking-where, and he's just a human with a gun.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine, just like the sky is green. Next question," he mutters, tone his usually casual with a hint of frustration.

"Percival-"

"How I'm doing is pointless. Caring about me right now is pointless. Who gives a shit if I'm okay. How about you ask the people of Whitestone, who have been under the thumb of a vampire for years? How about you ask those that lost their homes to dragon fire, acid, ice, and every other bullshit element under the sun. I am fine." It's been a while since he's let out his feelings. Since he's spoken and the weight he's carried seemed to drain a bit. Since he's felt tired.

It's silent for a moment. And usually, he would turn around and stomp off to go sulk. But he doesn't because he feels bad. Who the fuck are you to make him feel bad?

"I'm sorry. It's just… It's a lot happening, and I don't know if I will ever be okay," he admits with a sigh. And now you're silent and he's feeling even worse. Out of all the blasted emotions, guilt must have been created by the Hells.

"Percy, you're allowed to be tired. You're allowed to be angry and frustrated. You're allowed to want to scream and punch in someone's face." He can't help but chuckle a bit at your last words. He'd rather shoot someone in the face, he might break a nail if he punched someone.

"Am I? I'm part of a small group of people who seem to be the only ones able to do anything against all of this. Am I really allowed when so many are looking at us for guidance? How fucked must the world be that we're their last hope." There's a dry sense of humor in his words, and you shake your head at them, but he knows you have the same tired amusement that he does.

"Yes, you are. And if they don't like it then they can kiss your ass."

"Most people are unworthy of kissing my ass."

"There's the bitchy noble I know."

He makes a face at you when you call him that, but it doesn't hold up as more amusement takes its place and he shakes his head. His arm moves to land on your shoulder, initially just wanting to hold you for support before the rest of his body treacherously pulls you in for a hug, holding you tight.

"I'm not okay, my love. I was truthful earlier with not knowing if I can be. But thank you for still staying with me. Despite me being a… bitchy noble." You chuckle at the huff he lets out with those last two words, but it puts him at ease.

"You might not be okay now, but we'll get through this. Yeah?"

"Yeah. You, me, and this group of assholes that we travel with for some godforsaken reason." You laugh again and he smiles more, feeling that diminishing weight vanishing for just this moment.

[choclodox]

Lyle’s IQ score Head Canon

HEAR ME OUT: as much as Lyle def gives me himbo™️ energy, I also feel like he’s supposed to be…PRETTY SMART? he’s just also goofy. Like, I feel like he’s one of those friends that’s the smartest but also the dumbest person you’ve ever had at the same time.

Here is my evidence (dons glasses and grabs a laser pointer)

1. First and foremost, I’m pretty sure Quaritch wouldn’t let a dumbo be able to advance to the rank of Corporal, so Lyle needs to have SOME level of competency (but there’s still some room for his goofball nature lol).

Side note, studies show that people who are comical tend to have higher IQs since it ranks critical thinking to understand humor and make jokes. So Lyle is at least smart in that department.

2. In the first movie, we can see that Trudy trusts him enough to work on her Samson. We all know how much Trudy LOVED her Baby, so she must have had some serious trust in Lyle (someone who wasn’t an RDA mechanic) to let him even TOUCH her Rogue One’s equipment.

3. Also in the first movie, Lyle actually knows his stuff about combat theory and the AMP suits. When Quaritch has Lyle survey the aftermath of the Omatikaya’s retaliation for the destruction of the Tree of Voices, Lyle is able to describe in detail what the damages are. He’s able to tell that the arrows were fired from Ikrans based off the angles of the arrows in the damaged equipment and dead bodies, he can say for a fact that the AMP suits are not just damaged but what exactly is damaged (the Driver in this case).

4. Now in the 2nd movie, we actually get to see more of his smarts come into action. Lyle actually gets promoted from Corporal to Lieutenant and becomes second in command to Quaritch. The RDA wouldn’t let that happen if he was purely a trigger happy soldier; you needs some gray matter for that position.

5. Next, Quaritch looks to LYLE to pull the security feed off of OG Quaritch’s AMP suit. And Quaritch is a smart guy too, but it feels like Big Curly Q knows he’s out of his depth on this one and just hands it off to Lyle because he knows that he actually knows his stuff.

But ya, thanks for coming to my TedTalk :)

Also, a few other hcs I embrace

Lyle is that ONE gringo friend that knows FLUENT Spanish (and possibly knows other languages as well). And when I say Gringo, I don’t mean he’s white but is still Hispanic, no. There is a reason why JamCam named this man after Wainfleet, Ohio (the Ohio of Ohio). But nobody questions his ability to speak Spanish. You leave him alone in any Authentic Hispanic setting and come back in 20 minutes, they’re running to the liquor store because they already ran out of Tequila/pisco/etc. TEAM LATINO LOVES HIM

*side note, Jake probably knows some Spanish too since he did his tours in Venezuela. Who knows, maybe he taught some to Spider because he knows he’s team Latino. A

*and Quaritch probably knows some of Nigeria’s native languages (Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo, etc) since he did 3 whole tours there before coming to Pandora

Lyle likes 90s music (Britney Spears, Mariah Carey) but mainly SHAKIRA. I could see him just dancing alone to Hips Don’t Lie and someone walks in trying to get his attention, but he doesn’t notice and they have to clear their throat and he just screams when he finally notices them

He can dance Samba, Cumbia, Tango, Flamenco. ANYTHING in that family HE CAN DO IT FLAWLESSLY ASU PAPI

Might come from a family of mechanics and worked in a mom and pop mechanic shop (I embrace that one HC where he has a love for cars and just engineering in general). Maybe he wanted to be a more refined engineer but just couldn’t pass the tests since he was more of an intuitive thinker and tests favor more of the technical thinkers.

Likes DragonBall Z but will never admit it

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

I got bored again so you get Nimona headcanons

I’m fully convinced that Bal is denser than a neutron star

He’s liked Ambrosius ever since he met him and when he was a teenager he was fully convinced those feelings were unrequited  

All the while Ambrosius was asking him out like every other week and making plans for their damn wedding 

Poor babe had to be kissed on the fucking mouth for him to even consider that Ambrosius liked him back

When he finally caught on he woke up half the institute with his realization because he literally screamed 

He got really excited and asked Ambrosius “So you love me yeah?” 

Ambrosius was out here looking for hidden cameras because no way in Hell can this man be that clueless

He let Bal believe that it was a new development because he didn’t have the heart to tell Bal that he was just slow on the uptake 

He accidentally let it slip to Nimona and she never let him live it down

The boys absolutely made breakup playlists during the movie 

Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift were their best friends during that time

When the dust had settled and they forgave each other and themselves they played the playlists and laughed about how stupid they were (and they both pretended not to notice the tears in their eyes)

I’m fully convinced that the trio has the dumbest sense of humor (which is my sense of humor) 

Bal has a bad habit of taking his arm off and leaving it in the most random places 

Whenever someone asks where his arm is he’ll say “Which one?” Or “I don’t know love where is my arm?”

At first it caught Ambrosius off guard but now he just chuckles and says “Fine be like but don't ask me for help when you can't find it later” 

Bal will normally scoff and tell him he won't (they both pretend the conversation never happened when Bal asks him to help him look for it)

One time they were watching a firework show and Nimona turned to them and said “Remind you of anything?” 

The boys just sat there not knowing if they wanted to laugh or cry so they took turns doing both 

They kept making that joke and Ambrosius threatened to call them firecracker if they kept it up

All they could say was “You act like that isn’t a sick ass nickname” 

Whenever the smallest inconvenience happens Ambrosius always says “I wish the director stabbed me that day” 

Like this man could misplace his keys and look down at the ground and say “Do me a favor come back and kill me for real please”

The first time he said that Bal spit out his coffee and all Ambrosius could say was “You’re not helping this situation hun”

Honestly, I have no clue how old Ambrosius and Bal are but if I had to guess I would say 20-26

And because they’re both really young and Nimona hasn’t matured past 14 I feel like they would have a very complex relationship with her 

They have very paternal instincts when it comes to her but they also act like older brothers 

They’ll threaten to ground her if she sets another piece of bubble gum on fire (which she laughs at) but they also aren't afraid to mess around and roughhouse with her 

Sometimes Nimona and Ambrosius will be messing around and jokingly picking on each other and the next thing Nimona knows he’s being picked up like he weighs nothing and tossed on the couch 

Whenever Nimona annoys the Hell out of Bal while he’s working Bal will just pick him up and place him outside of the lab

And there have been plenty of times when Ambrosius isn't scared to tackle his little ass to the floor 

Oh she’ll make sure they regret it because she could easily snap them both in half like a twig but sometimes it’s just fun to play fight (Ambrosius calls them her zoomies)

They’ll bicker over who actually cleans up around the house and whose turn it is to wash the dishes 

But they’re also able to have these incredibly deep conversations that go late into the night 

They’ll get into very intense fights and then five minutes later Ambrosius will walk into Nimona’s room and leave a tray of cut fruit without saying anything 

Whenever the boys are working from home Nimona will hang out with them

She jokes that she’s “blessing them with her presence” and most of the time they let it slide because she doesn’t really do anything 

She’ll bring snacks drinks games and a phone charger but she doesn’t talk a lot she just hunkers down and waits for them to be done with work

Whenever the boys ask why she does this she’ll shrug her shoulder but the truth is she finds their company incredibly comforting

[mguvmii]

HIIIII can i pretty please have L with a s/o that is totally the opposite of him? Like more childish dense clumsy and all that stuff

Please delete/ignore if you won’t do it thank you! <3

🗯��� 𝑶𝑷𝑷𝑶𝑺𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑺 𝖠𝖳𝖳𝖱𝖠𝖢𝖳 : 𝖫 𝖫𝖠𝖶𝖫𝖨𝖤𝖳 .!

-> 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: 𝗁𝗂 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀! 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝖺 𝗆𝗂𝗑 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝖼 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖤𝗇𝗃𝗈𝗒!

-> 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒: 𝖼𝗅𝗎𝗆𝗌𝗒 & 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗁 𝗀𝗇 𝗌/𝗈, 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍, 𝗇𝗈 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝗋 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖼𝗋𝗂𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝖾𝖽.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

🪷 𝐋 𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐓 • ୨ ࣪ ✶

- I would just like to start off by saying no one would know about L's and yours relationship. It's for safety reasons and L doesn't want people to gawk at him.

- Now , IF the task force somehow DID find out about your secret relationship , their first question is: how the hell did you manage to attract L?

- It's not in a bad way! It's just...well... you're the exact opposite of him , in every way. Whereas L is calm and mature , you're more scattered and child-like.

- your behavior is not like Misa's. It doesn't annoy people , but you find humor in every situation , you makes jokes and laugh at the dumbest things because it brings you joy. Not only that , but you're so oblivious and dense sometimes it makes L sigh.

- yes this includes being clumsy. You have two left feet and can practically trip on air most of the time. It's gotten to the point where L doesn't try to catch you everytime now. Instead he reminds you to be careful. He’s had to have Watari and himself patch you up a lot. 

- despite being total opposites, L is fond of you. 

(side note: Most people hc him as aromantic and not capable of love, but I don’t think so. I believe that while he’s not an ideal lover, he’s not incapable of loving someone else. He’s not the type to take you on dates or romance you. He won’t kiss you a lot. Rather, his way of showing love is act of service and quality time. His work comes first too, but he has room to make for you - he had to learn to balance work and you. He won’t tell you he loves you, but you just know from the way he does things for you.) 

- Generally, a person like you won’t be L’s exact type I don’t think, but somehow you’ve managed to win him over. He finds your child-like wonder and humor refreshing. In a workplace where everyone is mature and responsible, it can get pretty dull which is why he loves you so much. 

- You’re not afraid to make a joke, or chuckle whenever someone says something and you take it out of context. It makes L smile from time to time. Now, you weren’t childish all the time, not at all. When time called for it, you were just as mature and responsible as everyone else in the room, a trait L also loves you for. You balance it out well. 

- If and when he’s in a good mood, he will indulge you in your childish behavior- making a few jokes with you , or making a funny thing out of food to show you just so he’d hear you laugh. In a way, L is also childish so it’s not hard to adapt to your behavior. You kind of feed into his childish side and vice versa. 

- You pull pranks on Matsuda with L’s help. The both of you find it funny and it breaks the tension. 

_ When it comes to other things though, you are so dense it hurts. There was one time where no one knew you and L were in a relationship, so Matsuda tried to hit on you and asked you out. It didn’t go well at all. 

“So a/n! (alias name) I was...just wondering since I’m free and have nothing to do, you’d like to do something with me?” 

“hm? do what? Why don’t you do something with someone else?” 

“...A/n I-I’m trying to say I like you.” 

“Thank you Matsuda. I like you too!” 

“Really?!” 

“Yes I like everyone on the task force.” 

“...” (cue L smirking behind some papers) 

- So yes, you are dense, and oblivious.  

- Though you can protect yourself, L feels the need to protect you himself, especially with Kira and Light being with him. 

- It’s subtle too so the other doesn’t catch on- being the barrier between you and Light when you three walk together, brushing his hand against your waist to hold you steady etc...

- so yes despite being opposites , L loves you and all of your childish tendencies. 

[sinfulseashell]

Question for Y!Bonten

How would they react if reader successfully escapes and maybe a year or two later, when they found them again she was actually pregnant with their child and the reason she ran away is because she wanted to give the baby a better life.

Thank you ❤❤

Y!Mikey: A grim expression washes over his once blank features, the thought of his darling ever escaping his grasp and running away from him makes his stomach churn. “Idiotic.” He speaks heavily. “How ungrateful they must be to run away…and let alone with my child.” With a lifeless glare he turned to the interviewer. “They would regret ever running away…from me.”

Y!Sanzu: The male tries to stifle his laughter, finally sighing with a languid hum. “Escape from me? Oh that’s rich, the only way that would ever happen is if I die.” He chuckled again, cyan eyes scanning the interviewer. “You ask the most dumbest questions, but I’ll humor you. If my darling was to escape…by gods mercy…as well as to say I have no fucking idea where they are,” a boisterous laugh emits from him. “-and they had my child behind my back…well.” He smirks wickedly. “Let’s just say that may god have mercy on their souls.”

Y!Rindou: “You need Jesus…” he hissed.

Y!Takeomi: Cringing at his brothers answer, Takeomi shakes his head. “I wouldn’t have to make sure that my darling would escape from me. They would be able to go as they please.” He smiles brightly. “I’m not really the holding hostage type of guy.” He chuckled letting the smoke from his cigarette blow from his nostrils.

Y!Kokonoi: Stares at Sanzu with a new found fear, “Ok. This is why I lock my bedroom door at night. Do you hear that shit Sanzu just said? Like…what the fuck. Please refrain from asking him anymore questions…it’s both cringy and terrifying.” Audibly cringing Koko sighs. “I agree with Takeomi. I wouldnt lock my darling away especially since they wouldn’t ever want to leave me anyways. I spoil mine way to much, so I have everything they would ever need.”

Y!Ran: “I love the confidence Koko. Makes you look absolutely adorable that you play the man of the relationship.” Ran chuckles teasingly.

Y!Kokonoi: “What. The. Fuck. Is that supposed to mean, Haitani?” The blonde snaps at him.

Y!Rindou: “Anyways…I’m not the jealous type.” The male leans back in his chair with a smirk.

Y!Ran: “Oh Rin. Stop being in denial darling. He would throw the biggest fit out of all us.” He leaned forward mockingly moving and speaking like Rin. *making his voice a higher pitch to match his brother* “I’ll kill them! But I’ll kill all of you first! Bastards! Letting them go out without me! I hate all of you! Dumbasses!” *pretend sobbing* “I love you! Please don’t leave me!”

Y!Rindou: Watching his brother mock him only made him more irritated than before suddenly smacking his head. “SHUT UP! YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!” He growled.

Y!Ran: As if freezing in place Ran turned to face him, “Rin. You don’t hit me, ok? This is how I end up almost killing you everytime. Now I get to hit you back…”

{BRIEF INTERMISSION}

Everyone sits back down with ruffled clothes, and bruised/bleeding faces.

Y!Ran: He clears his throat and smiles at the interviewer. “Thank you for being so patient darling. Anyways I would be heartbroken that they would even think to escape from me considering I give them everything they could ever want.” Ran playfully pouts. “-but I will always know where my darling is, and I wouldn’t be surprised about the baby since I would already know that as well. Trust me I know everything about my darling. Even things they don’t know about themselves.” He grinned.

Y!Mochi: “I would be the same as Takeomi. I wouldn’t have to lock my darling away since they are already so obedient. I mean that’s the first part of training them, once they have been obedient enough for me then I can fully trust them.” He smiles brightly seemingly happy with his answer.

Y!Kakucho: Even though he was silent the entire time, there was not a moment that the question didn’t make him wonder if his darling would ever truly do this sort of thing. “Was I not good enough for them? Did I make them that afraid of me?” His multicolored eyes shot towards the interviewer with desperation. “Am I doing too much to cause this sort of reaction from them?” After a few moments he slowly calmed down. “I would never want my darling to ever feel as if they couldn’t raise their child with me…” he whispered.

(I’m sorry this took so damn long 😭 I hope you enjoy this 💖)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Heyy me again so about the creepypasta thing, I just wondered if you can do Ben drowned with a gen z reader platonically? It's okay if your uncomfortable doing it ><

Ben drowned x gen z!reader (platonic!)

not uncomfortable at all! love that im getting ben drowned requests since i enjoy him a lot and kind of want to write for him more; just strictly platonic ..which reminds me, i need to draw him again soon! gonna answer this then take a break and get back to requests yipe!

admin is still sold on the idea of ben being confined to electronics most of the time so i can easily see him gaining access to your devices so he can pester you whenever he wants; though this may get a little annoying since youre... well still alive! you have a life

whether or not the reader is a creepypasta themselves or is a normal person is up to you! i think both can work, though i must say the idea of the reader being just some random person is really funny. like can you imagine? you get some haunted virus but the ghost is chill an you guys become friends

i do think ben can only mess with devices, i dont think he can mess with like. any internet browser stuff.... which segways me to my next idea; the og creepypasta came out in 2010, majoras mask came out in 2000, so putting it in the middle lets say ben died in 2005.. bro has missed a lot. youre going to have to fill him in on a lot of stuff, and boy let me tell you hes going to be going nuts

tell him about the new legend of zelda games. i think he would be hyped. throwing admins hc of ben being sick and tired of LOZ due to being trapped in the game out the window, admin needs this boy to get joyous!

he probably pesters you and asks you about the dumbest shit, does it on purpose because he thinks its funny

sometimes you guys play video games together, bro is absolutely astounded by how far games have come since he passed away. i think he would go insane over five nights at freddys. fill him in on the lore

going back on the video game stuff and playing together, just know that hes going to break the game and cheat + hes a sore loser, soooooooo...

do you think sometimes he comes and tries to spend time with you more and more over time because hes been stuck for years and hasnt really had many people to talk to? like yeah hes an angry spirit, but even angry spirits deserve friends!!!

ponders

probably messes with you by messing with your recordings if youre trying to make a video/tiktok/reel/what have you

probably interjects his own texts into your posts, never really says anything harmful, just messes with spelling or adds dumb messages

honestly its not your SM account/blog, its yalls shared account/blog now/j

stuck with old 2000s humor but i think he would absolutely love present day humor and how unhinged its gotten, though quick warning hes going to start quoting stuff

definitely quotes the sticking out your gyatt thing, hes going to drive you insane with it and hes going to laugh at you

do not play roblox tycoons with him hes going to bully small children

you guys play a horror game together on roblox and you can hear him freaking out through the speakers (likely using an old device for him so youre not fighting for control over one device)

absolutely DEVASTED when you tell him club penguin shut down

just know hes punching the metaphorical wall

on the rare chance ben is able to pull himself into the real world for a brief period of time, you guys probably do the same stuff hes just physically there for a short time!

make him touch grass while hes out, bro hasnt touched grass in nearly 20 years. this isnt even a haha "hes chronically online" joke, he hasnt actually touched grass in years due to circumstances

closing this with a hit of angst that made me go :( but imagine that it starts out as you guys being around the same age (well... close enough, since ben doesnt age anymore due to being a ghost) but overtime, you obviously grow up and have less and less time for him and :(

like owie

"what happened to us? we used to be best friends?" audio but its you two SOBS AND CRIES

[tenabrye]

I dont know if this was requested already but could i possibly get headcanons for knives and vash with a sassy, sarcastic, but really funny reader?

If that was requested already I apologize! Thank you!

Vash

Adores your sassy, sarcastic nature a lot. He thrives on it, because it makes traveling so much more fun. He especially likes it when you're sassy with him, or even when you respond with such a sarcastic tone to some of what he says and asks. He never holds any of it against you or in a bad light, so it's all just fun and games.

Sometimes you both get caught up in a hostage situation and your mouth just goes off at the bandits or raiders or whoever has you both as hostages, and he just laughs. He can't help it, but then he realizes that it's still a dangerous situation you're both in.

One time you got caught up as a hostage and by the time he was able to rescue you, you weren't in any of your restraints. Why? Your captors thought you were funny and just decided to let you go. Vash never forgets about it.

He likes to join in with some of his own humor, but not all the time. Mostly lets you do it, and he can't help the big smile or chuckle or even the adorable fit of laughter that he breaks out into every time you tell him one of your jokes. His favorites are knock knocks and jokes that are so dumb they're funny.

When you and Wolfwood go at it with the jokes and sass, Vash is listening so intently that he probably trips over his own feet or something because he's so invested. Then you both gang up on him with the jokes and he can't help but laugh along with the two of you.

Knives

Your sassy nature was definitely not something he enjoyed, at first. He thought it was a product of defiance of sorts and would always stare at you with a frown. Until one day, when he frowned at you for what you felt to be the final time since you told him that his face would be like that permanently if he kept doing it. The look he gave you threw you into such a laughing fit that he just walked off.

Your nature grows on him, and he has found himself slowly liking the sass you have. He honestly doesn't mind your sarcasm, finding it amusing when one of his subordinates says the absolute dumbest things before thinking about how they'd sound. He knows it pisses them off, but he doesn't care. It amuses him, so he lets you be as sarcastic as you want with them.

Knives doesn't understand humor with humans, so every time you crack a joke or say something funny, to which the other humans that follow him laugh at, he'll just stare at you with a raised brow. Sometimes he asks demands you to tell him about the meaning behind the joke. His nose scrunches when he finds it to be idiotic, but he's chuckling behind that little facade.

You're taken aback when he ends up being sarcastic with you, and you can't help but smirk at how he's allowed himself to change. It really shocks you when he develops some humor. Not a lot, but he tries enough to at least earn a chuckle or snort from you. Knives takes that as a win, and it really strokes his ego.

His subordinates will never see this side of him, though. He'd probably have to kill them if they did, or worse. He will only ever be this way around you, and you are quick to take notice of this little special treatment. Though you know it's really due to the fact that you're likely one of the few, if not the only one, that doesn't aggravate him just by their presence alone.

[redrandomposts]

it’s 🖤 sorry I keep making things sad!!!!

on a positive concept for the abo au! I have also had ideas about how the reveal would go. Ivan is definitely under the impression that till will be pissed at him- and maybe stop being his friend after this.

but to Ivan’s supportive when he finally tells till he is just delighted! Till already loves the kid and and so happy that he actually gets to keep them he doesn’t have time to think about Ivan not telling him- he’s just so happy and excited to be a dad. He can pick Ivan up and spin him around and excitedly talk about how “WE have a BABY?!??” OH MY GOSH ITS MY BABY!”

-until his logical brain catches up with him and he ever so gently puts Ivan down and goes “aw why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I would be a bad dad :(“ and he looks all bummed and Ivan is immediately freaking out because this was noT what he was expecting. So Ivan is like “omg nooo I thought you would be an amazing dad and I had to sit down from how horny that made me like 20 times a day-“ and till is not paying attention to the important info and is like “oh did you not want me around? Was it just my personality you didn’t like? Did you think I would be a bad mate to you? :(“ and Ivan is like “I did NOT think u being my mate was EVER on the table - because u thought you would hate being tied down to me”

and till looks at Ivan likes he is the dumbest idiot in the world like “why wouldn’t I want to be ur mate?if you let me I would give you everything I could to make u happy “ and Ivan just explodes with happiness and is like “are u asking me now to be ur mate? For real??” And they kiss a million times and are happy forever!

(and later that night in THEIR bed they share because they are TOGETHER! till can be all embarrassed about how mad he was at himself and Ivan can laugh and tell him how endearing it was and they cuddle and fall asleep in eachothers arms)

this is true Ivan told me himself

(and till can lie awake at night thinking of ways he can convince Ivan that he does love him since he can tell Ivan doesn’t really believe this is real/is gonna stick/that till isn’t just humoring him subconsciously- so till gets to plan ways to make Ivan feel like the most loved person in the world) (and also how to get him pregnant again so he can try at helping with that wholeheartedly)

hi 🖤!

i think that till would be devastated he didn't get to be a mate as ivan was pregnant... even though he did everything a mate would do.

and every time ivan is putting himself down, till was just... bite him on the bond spot. however, ivan realizes this at some point and loves the feeling of till biting him, so he'll do it whenever wherever.

i cant think of anything your concept is too good and the entire omegaverse thing has been fleshed out ;-;

till announces it as fast as he can on social media, showing off ivan's bond mark and his baby and for a long period of time all that's on anyone's feed is the tillivan family because of how much of it is posted.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2024 Anime Overview: Suicide Squad Isekai

The Suicide Squad from DC Comics meets isekai….as both a (former) DC Comics nerd and an anime fan, I’ve been training my whole life for this.

So…was this series good? I wouldn’t call it that. Was it accurate to it’s source material? Nope. No way in hell. Was it still pretty fun to watch? Yeah, it mostly is!

This is a series that embraces how goofy it is. Not all the humor hits, but much of it is at least endearing. It’s an anime about watching a bunch of assholes cause chaos and fail hard, and it shines at doing that.

Probably the character I’m most disappointed with, despite the fact she gets the most screentime and is clearly the main character, is Harley. It’s easy to tell this anime started production with only the first Suicide Squad to go off of, because Harley and the Joker’s relationship is framed as positive and not abusive at all. Also, hilariously, the Joker is now full bishonen with a seductive voice and Hot Topic aesthetic.

Rather the chaotic, cheerfully murderous, and full of uncontrollable rage guy from the comics, he’s like, a pretty laid back mall goth and talks a lot about how the world is filthy (dude since when do you care).

He also doesn’t mention Batman once, which might be a copyright thing but adds to it all. He's less like the Joker and more like one of the many Joker-alike characters in anime: Hisoka from Hunter x Hunter, that guy from Metallic Rouge, the way he’s played seems so familiar.

Making the relationship with Harley healthy actually flattens her a lot as a character. Now she really was saved from her dull life by a man, her obsession with him is just annoying rather than sad, and she isn’t struggling with anything. There’s no conflict withing her. What really doesn’t help is the show frames her as “SUPER EMPOWERED” and the empowering thing is that a man showed her how to “be herself” (aka be just like him) and now she can’t go five minutes without talking about him, and she gets almost every creative thought and good idea she has from him…girl power, y’all!

On the other hand, she is incredibly fun to watch, with her boldness, her love of violence, and carefree attitude. It’s cute to watch her slowly form friendships with the team (and always adorable how Harley forms a friendship with King Shark in every continuity. She calls him Nana-chan!) She does things like randomly adopt a dragon and team up with orcs. She has a wonderful moment when attacked with mind control. She’s a character I like outside the stuff with the Joker, even if she isn’t really Harley.

And speaking of female characters done dirty, Amanda Waller does a lot of bad things, but I really can’t picture her getting behind colonizing another world and taking their resources. Yet here we are. She also has very little screentime in this, despite being so famously prominent in the end credits.

All the other members of the Squad basically have one trait we return to again and again, but the one trait is usually pretty fun (except for Peacemaker, who’s one thing is mentioning PEACE and AMERICA and boy does it get old), their team dynamic is fun and boy are they causing carnage. Again, they lack the depth of their comic counterparts and just kind of feel like their own thing, but while they’re shallow as hell, that doesn’t make them boring. Especially when the commit so much bombastic animated violence. The show has a ton of fun with its fight animation, and the effort really shows.

The isekai world is fairly generic, which seems to be part of the point, and the plot is paper thin, and this includes a villain who’s introduced late in the story, with no explanation of where she came from, why she’s doing what she’s doing and one of the dumbest designs I’ve ever seen...and the whole climax is built around her. It then pulls off a plot twist so brazenly nonsensical that is wraps around to being kind of impressive in its ridiculousness.

There is an effort made at character development in one respect- there's this whole character arc with the Generic Isekai Princess where Harley inspires her to speak up for herself and she decides to become as much like Harley as she can. Soooo I think this show really does think “empowering yourself” is actually copying another person and trying to become them, but hey, at least that other person is a woman this time. And there were a couple shippy moments with her and Harley, so that’s something.

(oh and on the topic of unfortunate implications, at one point Clayface makes fun of Deadshot's short dreads, saying his hair looks like "broccoli" and I have no idea why anybody let that through, especially on the DC side).

But at the end of they day, the one thing I wanted to happen--everyone getting magical girl transformation sequences--did in fact happen and it was great, so I can’t complain.

So yeah, this is a fine show to watch if you want a shallow, utterly brainless good time. It’s here to be goofy and action packed and nothing else. But if you really need these characters to resemble the comic characters, it’s not gonna be for you.

[fbfh]

OMGGGGG YOUR FRANCIS HCS MADE ME REWATCH MALCOLM JN THE MIDDLE 😭😭😭😭 pls tell me you’re writing for him more 🙏🙏🙏

HONESTLY ITS MAKING ME WANNA REWATCH IT TOO 😭 Abso-fucking-lutely yes I will!!!!!! Send me asks about your Francis thoughts bc I have a few meself.

You know what would be an absolute hot mess disaster???? Okay we know Francis has a big fat obsessive crush on you, but the only thing worse would be if his brothers started to get crushes on you too. Like you're so nice and sweet and have such a charging soothing energy its impossible not to fall in love with you so no one can be too surprised. The problem is having one Wilkerson boy in love with you is already a handful, especially if its Francis. But all four of them????? Jesus fucking christ brace yourself.

Dewey is the first one to get a little puppy crush on you. You didn't make fun of him when he couldn't remember his times tables, you didn't even make him feel bad. You just said "it's okay, I had trouble with this too when I was your age. It gets easier the more you practice." With an encouraging smile. You gave him a couple tricks to help him remember the things he was struggling with, and that was the heart eyes moment. After that Dewey started bringing you drawings and pieces of candy and every good grade he got on an assignment just to see your face light up.

Reese falls for you next. You don't have to do much, he's probably going to have at least a tiny little crush on you if Francis likes you. What really gets Reese is when you help him beat a video game level. You offer to give it a shot and he humors you. You haven't mentioned anything about liking video games since you started babysitting, but he's really stuck on this level so he lets you give it a shot. He watches you annihilate aliens like it’s nothing and you beat the level in one or two tries. He can't remember any of the tips you give him about the game because he's too busy staring at you totally dumbstruck.

Malcolm is the last one to go. Before you come over one day, Dewey tells Francis he thinks he shouldn't try to date you anymore and Francis looks at him like he's grown another head. When he asks why, Dewey tells him he's going to ask you to date him instead. Much to Francis's surprise, Reese objects before he can. To say the room erupts into chaos is an understatement. They're all arguing about it when you show up, and Malcolm thinks it's the dumbest thing ever. Why would they spend so much time fighting over a babysitter and arguing about who you'd like back. Then you give Malcolm some old notes you found from when you were in the gifted class in middle school. You were in the gifted class in middle school? Someone as cool and pretty and cool as you?? He takes the notes and thanks you, suddenly thinking fighting his brothers for you doesn't sound so dumb after all.

[animationadventures]

I really don't want to talk about the worst episode of Total Drama since "Sundae Muddy Sundae", but here we are.

Whose bright idea was it to make a challenge centered around farting? That has to be the dumbest idea for a challenge ever.

Don't get me wrong, grossout humor has always been part of the show, but it was always done in manageable doses like whenever Owen accidentally let out a toot.

Making it a central piece of a challenge was the worst move they could have made.

Nearly everything about this episode was terrible, from the challenge concept to Damien being eliminated right after he was ready to seriously compete. Since this was Ripper's ultimate fart, he should have been eliminated because he got his goal.

The only good things about this episode include Julia's meltdown, Wayne and Raj once again showing their strategic side, and the Rajbow scene.

Overall, I think this episode stole the title of Worst Total Drama Episode from "Sundae Muddy Sundae", or at least ties for the title since both episodes suck for different reasons.

Despite this terrible episode, please watch the Total Drama reboot on Cartoon Network or Max as many times as you can! This is the only way we can show executives that we want a third season!