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artificialqueens · 7 years ago

Text

everything’s different and nothing has changed (trixya) — dylann

Trixie wants this part to be over. The part of returning where he relearns how to move when no one is watching, where no one’s expecting him to provide quippy commentary about anything, where he could literally do anything and it wouldn’t matter is terrifying, somehow.

A/N: this is a post-as3 reunion fic based on a prompt i got from an anon (“give us the post-as3 reunion we all deserve. katya is out here being messy and i need it”) i don’t know if i delivered on the katya being messy front, but feelings are involved and those are definitely messy.

not an established relationship but there’s definitely an agreement in place. i use drag names and he/him pronouns for both throughout.

shoutout to dare for getting me to try my hand at trixya (and fixing all of my prepositions) xo

content warning for alcohol and some mildly explicit content

It ends as quietly as it began, with Trixie standing on the sidewalk, all of his best drag stuffed into three suitcases and a few duffel bags beside him. There’s a car on the way, his phone’s in the pocket of his worn jeans, and there isn’t a single camera around.

It’s a little after 10 pm, and the air is heavy and suffocating in a way only LA air can be in late August. Trixie is a year older, and done, and the world around him doesn’t seem any different.

He’d spent the past few weeks drafting texts to Katya (mentally, mostly, but sometimes also literally, jokes scribbled among rushed sketches and stray lyrics), and now that he’s back out in the real world, none of them seem right.

It’s like the first day of school after summer break: everything and everyone is the same, supposedly, except they’re not, they haven’t seen each other in months and a summer changes people. It’s a chunky metaphor but Trixie is so tired, and it makes enough sense.

He pulls his phone out and glances at the time. The car was supposed to be here nearly ten minutes ago. There are no new notifications since he turned the phone on an hour ago. Then, there’d been too many emails and twice as many tweets, and he’d marked everything as “read” without really looking at any of it. There’s been nothing since, and that shouldn’t feel as disappointing as it, surprisingly, does.

No one knows that he’s out. No one knows that it’s over.

His finger hovers over the green Messages icon when the phone vibrates and a notification (Arriving Soon: Jake is arriving soon in a Toyota Camry) so Trixie looks up and watches the car pull up.

Jake greets him quickly and steps outside to help him load all of his bags in the trunk.

“Long day at work?” the driver prompts as Trixie gets inside the car and clips his seatbelt on.

“Kind of.”

The man offers a sympathetic smile in the rear view mirror. Trixie nods and looks down at his phone, typing and sending a text before he really has time to rethink or edit.

To: Katya 🚬👵🏼 (10:21:07pm) my uber driver’s kinda cute

***

Trixie’s apartment is even quieter than the street when he unlocks the door, props it open with one of the smaller bags, and drags the first suitcase in.

The lights are off and the street lamp light that filters through the window on the far end of the living room casts strange shadows on the furniture. It all looks as if someone snuck in and changed the layout of the room just enough to make it unnerving. Trixie drags the second suitcase in and reaches over to flick the lights on.

In the warm light that floods the space, it looks more like the room Trixie knows well enough that he could give the world’s most underwhelming museum tour: here’s the scratch in the hardwood floor where the legendary Trixie Mattel tried to move a couch on her own, here’s the burn mark on the coffee table where she left a curling iron unattended a moment too long, the curtain rod that’s holding on entirely on regular prayer and balled up gaff tape.

It’s home, and he’s there, and nothing’s changed.

Trixie hauls the rest of the bags in and closes the door. His hand lingers on the doorknob as he exhales a slow, steadying breath and reaches his free hand up to rub the bridge of his nose. His body feels heavy and uncomfortably hot and he wants to sit down for a year.

“Jesus, come on,” he whispers, because he’s the kind of person who talks to himself now, apparently, and pushes himself away from the door.

Trixie leaves the bags pushed up neatly against the wall and then turns the TV on, walks over to open the window, lights a candle on the coffee table, paces until the shadows in the corners of the room soften. It’s home now, and not the twisted Coraline clone version of it from half an hour ago.

He showers and changes into the oldest pair of sweatpants he owns and a faded black t-shirt he doesn’t remember buying. He ends up back in the living room where his phone has been abandoned, screen-side down, since he came home. Trixie settles in the corner of the couch and finally picks it up. It lights up to show the time — just past midnight — and no new notifications.

This time, he rests his thumb on the home button and unlocks the phone, pulling up his messages again. Maybe the text didn’t send, or he somehow missed a notification, or—

He glances down and his stomach turns a little. (The last time Trixie ate was brunch, standing up near a craft services table, and that feels like half a lifetime ago. He should probably do something about that, too.)

Since the last time he checked, the small gray text underneath his message has gone from “Delivered” to “Read 11:27pm”, and then there’s nothing.

The candle on the table wavers as the slightest hint of a merciful late night wind blows in from outside. It smells heavy, oak and mahogany, and he can practically hear Courtney lecturing him about how that’s not a summer scent at all but it’s comforting so he closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

Katya’s not the best at texting. He texts in full, grammatically correct sentences, no emoji, and will usually give up and call when he gets a thought that’s too long to type out or a joke which just has to be delivered a certain way. Sometimes, he opens his texts, glances at them too quickly to even skim through, and clicks out of the app. Trixie’s watched him do that too many times to begin counting.

So maybe that’s what happened. Or maybe he’s working, or he’s with people, or he’s busy, or he just didn’t know what to say.

A slightly manic part of Trixie’s mind clings to the latter, the chance that Katya just didn’t have an answer, that maybe he didn’t spend weeks and weeks drafting the perfect return text, that maybe—

“Shut the fuck up.”

Trixie’s voice comes out loud enough to surprise him as he speaks into the empty room. The train of thought derails and crashes somewhere beyond his own comprehension and he closes his eyes to imagine it burning because fuck this. He knows Katya too well to let himself consider that. It feels unfair to Katya, almost like a betrayal, that his mind would even come up with any of this at all.

The train still burning in the back of his mind, Trixie gets up and fixes himself a drink because being home means he gets to do that, and it can be plain vodka on the rocks and not some watered down cocktail which looks good on camera and leads to the sharpest headaches.

He brings the bottle back to the coffee table, just in case, and settles with a cushion in his lap to watch whatever episode of Snapped is flashing blurry black-and-white photos of a crime scene on TV.

Trixie’s halfway through his second glass when he solves the case before any of the detectives on the screen do. They’re looking at a college roommate.

“It’s clearly the ex,” he says to no one in particular, waving his free hand distractedly at the TV. “Why would he call her three days after her birthday if he didn’t have some unfinished business with her? It’s in the phone records, Jennifer—“

The doorbell rings, inappropriately loud for this time of night. It startles Trixie and he jumps a little, sending vodka splashing over his wrist and dripping onto the cushion. It takes a second to register that he should probably do something about the doorbell and he hasn’t moved when it rings again, three short buzzes telegraphing insistent anxiety.

Trixie scrambles up and walks over to the door with the drink in his hand and the damp cushion tucked under his arm. The peephole has been cracked and speckled with paint for probably decades before he’d moved in, so Trixie just accepts that murder is a very real possibility, and cracks the door open instead.

Katya’s out of breath but smiling, his arms dangling awkwardly at his sides like he wanted to look casual and couldn’t quite remember how to pull it off.

Trixie lets the door swing open all the way as he steps out, wordlessly finding his way into Katya’s arms. The hand that’s not holding a glass presses firmly against Katya’s back right where his ribcage is tangible under the thin cotton of his shirt. Trixie is vaguely aware that he drops the cushion along the way.

He closes his eyes and breathes — sharp, deep breaths as Katya pulls him in closer and holds him tightly, his nose pressed against the short hair on the side of Trixie’s head.

“You bitch,” Trixie starts finally, when he feels steady and trusts his voice.

“I wanted to say hi in person—“

“You absolute whore, I was so worried—“

“Shh. Shut up for half a second,” Katya cuts him off mid-rant and Trixie lets out a breathy laugh as he pulls back just enough to catch his eyes. Katya grins, toothy and wide, and says quietly,

“Hi. Welcome back.”

And Trixie isn’t mad at him for ignoring his text and making him wait anymore because Katya’s beaming at him and it’s worth it.

“Come in, they’re just about to arrest the ex boyfriend,” Trixie says once he realizes that they’re still at the door, and practically out in the hallway.

Katya follows him into the living room, picking up the cushion as he goes.

“Love the mood lighting.”

“I like to create the illusion that I wasn’t watching true crime by myself through candles that smell like men,” Trixie shrugs and Katya cackles and follows immediately with,

“That candle wears an expensive watch and starts ghosting you after the third date.”

Trixie laughs and watches Katya sit down on the couch like he’s in his own living room, humming judgmentally as he flicks the TV off.

“—which is a pity because the one time you fucked in his car it was actually pretty good,” Trixie continues, which gets Katya to hold up a hand to his chest, clutching invisible pearls as he howls with laughter.

“…even though the leather interior sticks to your ass and gives you a really gross rash,” Trixie finishes, and Katya’s doubled over his own knees, laughing hard enough that he snorts gracelessly when he gasps for air.

It’s easy and quick, and Trixie’s heart settles a little as he realizes that this part hasn’t changed, that thankfully, it doesn’t feel off-kilter and unfamiliar the way his apartment had when he came back. They’ve been away from each other too many times for that to be a surprise but this is different, somehow. The room seems cozier with Katya in the center of it, laughing on the couch.

The laughter dies down gradually and fades into a comfortable silence. Trixie is, for some reason, still standing, like an anxious host who isn’t sure if sitting down would be polite just yet.

Katya looks up at him, and then his eyes trail past Trixie and land on the bags by the door.

The silence shifts, now thick like electricity in the air before a storm, like the second of anticipation before a roller coaster drop.

It’s Katya who breaks it. He looks back at Trixie and prompts,

“So?”

Trixie tucks his chin down and glances at the floor. His teeth worry his bottom lip and there are uneasy lines creasing his forehead when he blinks back up at Katya.

Katya, on the other hand, keeps his face almost entirely neutral, except his eyes widen a little (that’s shock), and then narrow (that’s anger), and then the corners of his mouth twitch dangerously (Trixie’s learned that’s outrage),

and it all takes a split second because then Trixie exhales, pushing all of the air out of his lungs, and presses his eyes shut as he nods affirmatively to answer the initial question.

Katya’s face shifts. The lines of it soften and his eyes go wide, and he’s trying not to smile as he rises from his spot on the couch,

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It hits Trixie then, when Katya launches himself at him and envelops him in his arms, and he sob-laughs into Katya’s neck and Katya just holds him tighter and tighter and laughs along with him.

“I told you,” Katya whispers finally, and it comes out shaky but Trixie is crying onto his t-shirt so maybe that’s okay. “I knew it, of course I did, I knew it but— Fuck, it feels fucking good to be right.”

Trixie laughs helplessly and pulls back a little.

“I’m so proud of you,” Katya says, low and private, catching Trixie’s eyes and staring directly at them the way he does when he really, really means business. “No one deserves this more than you do.”

Trixie sniffles as he laughs again. Later, he’s going to have wrapped his mind around it, and he’ll tell Katya just how much this is because of him, because of how they’ve built each other up, because of how fiercely Katya has believed in him and his fantasy that entire time.

Now, the thought of all of that just chokes him up again and Katya’s kissing his forehead as he cries and whispers Thank you, seriously, Katya, thank you thank you thank you.

Katya doesn’t move until the shared sound of wet, tearful laughter fades into another near-perfect silence. His lips are steady against Trixie’s forehead, not quite a kiss now as much as a solid, constant presence, and Trixie feels like his heart might burst open if it lasts a second longer.

He tilts his chin up carefully right as Katya starts to pull away, and their noses bump against each other. The room’s gone terribly quiet; the low murmur of the street feels like it’s coming from some other world.

The soft, dim light from the candle lands at the high point of Katya’s cheekbone and Trixie reaches up distractedly, traces his thumb along the line where that spot of light fades into shadow. Katya watches him silently, intently, his breath coming out hot and shaky against Trixie’s knuckles.

Trixie’s mouth has gone dry.

“I’m gonna kiss you now,” he says, and it comes out in a quiet rasp. “If you don’t mind.”

Katya’s cheek shifts under his thumb as he exhales one beat of a laugh and moves his head in the slightest of nods.

Trixie’s eyes fall shut. He drops his hand from Katya’s face to the back of his neck and tugs him closer, and when Katya’s lips hit his, it’s urgent but soft and for the second time in about twelve hours, Trixie wonders fleetingly if it’s possible to pass out from sheer joy.

Katya has a steady hand at the small of his back and he uses that to steer Trixie over to the couch, not once breaking the kiss for anything longer than one breath.

Trixie moves to sit and Katya follows him down until he’s straddling him, and Trixie cranes his neck up as he chases a deeper kiss. Katya lets his hands drop and slips cool fingertips under the hem of Trixie’s t-shirt. His light touch draws a gasp from Trixie and when he presses harder, Trixie groans into his mouth and drives his hips up.

Katya responds in a low sigh and Trixie reaches up, pressing his dull, short nails at the back of Katya’s head as he runs his teeth lightly over Katya’s bottom lip and then slips his tongue into his mouth.

Katya grinds down in one sharp motion and this time Trixie curses under his breath in response. He’s half hard in his threadbare sweatpants and his head is swimming.

This isn’t the first time this has happened but it’s the first time in a really long time, the first time since the night-long conversations and the agreements and the we can’ts and we shouldn’ts. The thought occurs to him distantly while Katya kisses the juncture of his jaw and his neck, open-mouthed and hot.

“Katya,” he whispers and Katya hums noncommittally in response as he licks his way down Trixie’s neck. “Katya.”

Trixie’s insistent the second time and Katya draws back and looks down at him, and his eyes are dark and wide and it takes Trixie a second to recollect his thoughts.

“Can we?” he whispers finally, because he has to hear it, because Katya could say no and pull away now and it’d be okay, because it’s been both and neither and Trixie needs to know where they stand.

“Rumor on the street is,” Katya starts lightly, arching down to kiss him. “according to recent events,” another kiss, “you can do anything.”

He delivers the last word in a dramatic whisper, and it’s the cheesiest line Trixie’s heard in years and his entire chest hurts as he laughs.

“You’re terrible,” he whispers, and it sounds like anything but. “I changed my mind, I don’t even want to—“

“And that’s okay,” Katya lets his voice drop to a murmur as he speaks just close enough to Trixie’s lips that they almost touch. “But we can. If you wanted to.”

Trixie exhales another laugh, relieved this time, and is still laughing when Katya claims another kiss.

“We should move,” Trixie whispers.

Katya nods and pulls back surprisingly quickly, with the energy of a man driven by pure enthusiasm.

“Hold on— not trying to start a fire,” Trixie says, and bends down to blow the candle out.

Katya has crossed the small distance to the bedroom door already.

“Hey, Tracy,” he calls quietly as the candle goes out.

Trixie looks up. There’s dim light coming through the bedroom window and Katya’s a dark silhouette against the frame of the open door and somehow, even the blurry outline of his figure is beautiful.

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday.”

#cool so i love this #trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #tw alcohol #dylann #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant

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angst-in-space · 6 years ago

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1, 2, 4-11, 13-18, 20-22, 24, 25, 27-35, 37-48, 50 👍💕💖

holy shit alex

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

my first fic was altea rising and yes i’d still reread it today bc 1) i’m still writing it lmao, 2) i only started it two years ago dkfdj

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

if we’re not counting fic updates i guess the most recent thing i finished was my piece for @extrasolarzine (WHICH I’M GONNA FINALLY POST A PREVIEW OF THIS WEEK...AAH)!! and well, again i’ve only been writing fic for a couple years but...hmm idk, i mean this piece is very action-y and that’s something i used to have very little confidence about, so i’d like to think that’s something i’ve improved upon!

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

ha i mean i know for a fact that “if the silence was a song” is my most popular fic both in terms of hits/kudos....it also seems to be the one people rec the most and the one i most often get the reaction of “wait, YOU wrote that??” sdkfjd

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

answered!

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

nah not really, i’m pretty happy with all my fics lol...i guess there’s parts of them that could be better but none of them make me like Truly Embarrassed

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

answered!

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

i guess it’s altea rising since i haven’t updated it in like three months haha, but uhh don’t worry it’s coming! (as in i’m super close to Finally finishing a draft of the next chapter heh heh)

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

nope! i’ve only written fic for voltron

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

also no....i binge-read a ton of voltron fics the summer it came out and then started a fic of my own!

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

i figure everything has been done before in one way or another so that’s something i try not to sweat it too much about. i try to be original, but there’s also a lot of popular tropes i like so it’s fun to take those and try to make them my own somehow!

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

answered!

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

i’m not sure if this refers to reading or writing fic but...i guess in general i’m a lot pickier now than i was at the beginning of the fandom?? like i remember at the beginning i’d just kinda read whatever was popular but over time i’ve developed a much better sense of what i will and won’t like lol, and i p much only read things written by friends and/or rec’d to me by friends.

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

not really?? in fact i seem to gravitate more towards my super long complicated aus even knowing they’re not gonna gain as much attention lol.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

no i’m a masochist so i continue writing the aforementioned super long complicated aus even when it feels like i’m just dropkicking updates into the void lmao. but tbh even if literally no one was reading my multichap fics i’d probs still write them bc they’re fun to write and i love them a lot, so!!

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

ha i mean, again i like all my fics and i’m happy i wrote them all but...i guess probably “a truth in the blood”? dgmw i still like that one a lot and i’m glad a lot of people enjoyed it, i’m just not as like emotionally attached to it as i am to my other fics (probs cuz i wrote it in like two weeks haha).

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

ummm i’d say it’s defo “the stars are bound to change.” idk man like i really poured my soul into that one and it’s so rare someone tells me it’s their fave....i have this particular soft spot for it that whenever someone tells me they love that one i’m like *SOBS*...THANK YOU.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

probably not?? there’s some things i’d probs change a bit in some of my fics but there’s nothing that i would rewrite completely.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

i gotta admit i don’t think i’ve ever done that...? i usually don’t start looking at someone’s fics unless they’ve been rec’d to me or like unless we’ve become friends and i then find out they write fic.

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

answered!

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

i’ve never gotten a truly mean review really. *knocks on wood* i think the only slightly negative one i can think of off the top of my head was someone who complained about the end of “the stars are bound to change” and said it was too abrupt but...i don’t think they intended it to be super malicious or anything, and like, i get it bc i wasn’t 100% happy with the ending either. but oh well can’t win ‘em all.

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

again i haven’t really gotten much negativity or criticism in comments so uh...*shrugs* and i’m p good at taking constructive criticism i was a creative writing major sdkdj

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

i’ve only ever written single-fandom fics and don’t have a desire to ever write a crossover fic so lol.

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

i mean i guess voltron bc it’s the only fandom i’ve written fic for anyway and klance still owns my ass, so...

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

....i only read/write voltron fic pretty much so uh n/a haha

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

again i’ve only written voltron fic and yeah i’m still writing it even though i’m not watching the show anymore. what can i say, a bitch loves klance and that bitch is me!!

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

answered!

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

also answered!

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

not that i can think of...there’s been a couple times i’ve decided partway through a fic to include some side-pairing later on in the background, but it’s not really unintentional, just that i didn’t plan on it from the beginning.

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

i wouldn’t say “bashed” per se but uh i do often really stress on shiro & keith having a brotherly relationship although that’s more out of the fear of people interpreting it the wrong way... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

i....no. why would i do that?? dlkfjdk

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

a sort of small one but yeah!

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

yes and no...i write a lot but it’s mostly just piling more and more into my multichaps. kinda wish i wrote more short oneshots but oh well.

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

i only post on ao3 so yeah.

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

“if the silence was a song” with 23,744 hits whew!!

43. Your least popular?

“a million little pieces” (the fic i wrote for lancito) it only has 349 hits rip.... (i mean it’s a gen fic and only like 2k words long so i get it but sdlkfjd)

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

i’m a little confused by the wording of this lol, but uh if i’m understanding the question correctly...i think it’s about even? although tbh i’ve been slacking a lot in my fic reading lately, but in general i try to support other fic authors as much as i can!

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

answered!

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

i’m not sure if this means like in terms of diverse content/genres or in terms of like character diversity but i’d like to say yes to both?? i like moving around between different genres, also i care a lot about character diversity and representation so yeah!

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

i mean this has happened to me before and i’m like “sure lol.” it depends on the person but probs i would have them read “a million little pieces” or maybe “a truth in the blood” since those are the shortest and uhhh the least shippy lol.

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

yeah i’m an annoying bitch who can’t shut up about writing fic so p much all my friends/fam know i write it hahaha. and uhh i have a couple irl friends who are in the same fandoms as me but not a lot.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

answered!

aaaaand now i think i’ve officially answered all the questions for this meme lmao

fanfic author ask meme

#sorry it took me forever to get through these askdfjd #ask memes #fanfic author ask meme #alfyrion #brigidanswers

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