#I have so many pony drawings I don't even know what to do with them

[arttsuka]

I've got no inspiration for real drawings so yeah..

[untoldsoup]

I've spent two years of my life drawing nothing but (mario) comics, to the point last night I was just trying to doodle some fun stuff (powser) to relax and it just...became a two page comic. Like it feels like it's the only format I know anymore lol.

So had to delete 3 hours worth of work/sketches because it...pissed me off for some reason? Idk why. I guess it just made me feel like a one trick pony.

I've also had to deal internally with some weird revelations about drawing, styles, and what I want out of my work so I was probably not in the best mood when creating.

I'll probably try and redraw again tonight. I'm so used to drawing/conceptualizing in tiny panels, that sometimes a whole canvas feels intimidating. Almost makes me feel artistic agoraphobia lol.

I have so many sketches and line works that won't see the light of day online because I'm not happy with them. Even just leaving a drawing as a sketch is hard.

The urge to make something 'complete' or it's 'bad' is always with me. Even when I don't want to fully color something, or fully do a background. Need to just let loose I guess. Easier said then done. Same with feeling like I'm never going to be on the artistic level I want. But only seeing the flaws isn't healthy.

[homkamiro]

I LOVE THE TF2 MLP AU SM. it gives me sm nostalgia to when i was a kid and i and everyone in the fandom made pony aus of franchises we liked- im so happy cringe is dead and tradition is alive 🥹

ALSO THE INFECTION AU POST. GOOD SHIT;!;!!!!!!!!!! gore and body horror are inseparable from (hopefully only the mature part of) the mlp fandom and i felt so giddy jumping for joy kicking my feet up seeing that it had a resurgence!! Your post of this au with your tf2 ponies was my introduction to it!!! Nature is healinggggg

That post is BOMB. WE GOT: 1) HEAVYMEDIC ANGST. 2) PYRO & ENGIE ANGST. 3) BOOTS & BOMBS ANGST. 4) DADSPY ANGST. 5) SNIPER ANGST. ITS GIVING💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽 and the way the disease spreads differently for all of them is so creative!!!!!! Engie wants to sever the infected body part but cant cus its on his back and he needs medics help for that (and med is way too far gone to do any operation), and scout doesn't want his wings severed even tho that would save him cus he still wants to fly!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

also soldier misinterpreting the request is so good. And pyro wanting to help but not being allowed to cus they'd try to burn engie. Demo drinking himself to death cus he cant handle seeing his friend in the state that he's in. Sniper disappearing cus he wants to be with his parents during this horrible time even tho they have a strained relationship. Spy wanting his son to live through this so much that he's planning to sever his wings himself. And heavyyyyyy. Heavy breaking his heart everyday still taking care of medic knowing he's going to have to kill the love of his life soon. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anyways sorry for fuckin. Screaming in your asks and basically just repeating what you wrote sgjdjd. I just really love this au (and especially that comic with scout, medic and engie!!!) and the infection au post made me so nostalgic to the early days of the mlp fandom that the adhd went mental and i had to shout about it lol- feel free to not respond to this! Youre awesome! Keep doing you!!!!!!

(also youre really good at drawing gore????? Hello teach me pls)

WHAT A BIG FEEDBACK OHMYGODヽ⁠(⁠(⁠◎⁠д⁠◎⁠)⁠)⁠ゝ

Anyway I'm really super puper glad you liked my au!! I was a little hesitant to post it, since AU in AU sounds weird but I'm glad I thought otherwise - cringe culture should be dead!! Mix your hyperfixations it's good for your health!!!

AND AHHHHGGGGGH You noticed so many details thankyouuu🥺💗💗💗The best thing about this AU is that every ship and brotp can work so well in this story. Engie first helping Medic but then ending up being also infected??? Spy checking up on Engie and making him eat since he's too stressed to take a break??? Demo, Heavy and Pyro comforting each other after loosing their friends??? Spy and Scout both raging on Sniper for leaving like a coward??? Or maybe Heavy, as an earth pony, comforts Scout after he just got his wings amputated??? So many possibilities!!

Don't worry, I love when people are noticing all the details and just get,, really invested into my stuff, it really brings me joy and you made my day so much better!!🥺🥺I feel honestly a little insecure, since my pony designs and thoughts may not be the best, but I'm glad that so many people still like my mlp×tf2 stuff!! It's really endearing to know that finally something I like making is also likable to you!

About gore -- I have no idea😭I love gore but it's a pain to draw properly and scary, you'd need practice and references (I mostly use art references since yknow,,,real photos can make me sick)

[kwillow]

Ambroys basking in his cache of gifts and sweet words from secret admirers. Gotta be careful, though. If his ego is inflated any more, he'll pop.

(I wanted to doodle something to accompany a post answering some messages regarding this candy-colored cad but got a bit carried away. :P Well regardless, asks under the cut!)

Why thank you! He would drunkenly insult people, though he tends to be more passive-aggressive and backhanded rather than outright insulting - well, most of the time, anyway. He thinks he's a lot more subtle in his derogatory comments than he actually is.

Aaaw, this is too sweet!

Older Ambroys is much more reserved about seeking and accepting physical affection than his younger self, for myriad reasons (that one day I will expound upon in more detail, fate willing). He still enjoys it, though.

He's still proud of the stars on his cheeks and the gold in his hair and all that, but the signs of age are something he is not at peace with. For some, like the wrinkles, they're a sign that his time on this earth is finite - and death terrifies him. For others, like his paunch, it's more just embarrassing to him in a more mundane and vain "I was voted Prom King in high school and I was on the Varsity track team now look at me I'm an old man boo hoo hoo" type of way (though he's actually more physically adept in his older age than he was when he was younger for Magical Heritage Bullshit reasons, the sentiment remains).

As for your question, it's totally fine with me for Ambroys to be portrayed as non-heterosexual in fanfic or fanart or one's secret imaginings. Even though all of his "canon" love interests are women, I wouldn't rule out of the possibility of him developing affections for someone who isn't a woman. Chase your bliss!

Haha well both furry and aasimar Ambroys would bask in the attention, though poor aasimar Ambroys' jealousy is not going to be helped!

No shame on being a furry though. I didn't consider myself one either but I feel like it's harder to make the argument that I'm not given the sheer number of ponies I've drawn by now...

He would accept this, so long as you don't mess up his hair.

He would say: "good!" I would say "don't waste your life on him!"

Oh he would be pleased to be so distracting, I'm sure.

And sometimes we can't help but to have a type... I know I seem to have a thing for rich effete douchebags with buck teeth and big pointy noses... not quite sure what's up with that.

Yessss... yesssssssss... or perhaps I should say "I'm sorry."

I didn't mean to make him this way... I guess I underestimated the power of a brushable mane.

Ambroys DOES like being worshipped (way too much and way too literally, as you might be able to tell) but he wants to have his imperfections hidden if he can!

He's just horribly, horribly vain and unwilling to let go of his youth... even though he got to enjoy being youthful for three times as long as a mortal would.

YES that song is on his playlist (which I have for all my main characters because I'm a dork). It's just too perfect. One of the many ideas on my miles-long to do list has to do with depicting a scene from that song. The trouble is that it has to do with dancing, and boy am I not very good at drawing dancing poses. xD Oh well, gotta try for the boy!

Heh well I think we could agree that a normal horse probably couldn't pull off the breeches he wears quite so well... I'm flattered that you think of him when you see horsies in the flesh! Huzzah, I've ruined one of the Earth's beautiful creatures for you! >:)

Oh wow, my guy is stepping out of my brain and into other people's subconsciouses... I need to put a leash on him. :P But this was a fun read!

It's very in character Ambroys to try to undercut a rival's self-esteem by framing it as something OTHER people say, but oh no, he'd NEVER say something like that, of course. Mean girl behavior. He does have friends that don't actually like him - and he doesn't like them either. But one needs to have friends for appearance's sake - just one more accessory, really!

OKAY, I think that's everything! Or at least enough for this post, ahah.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words on my not-so-kind character.

Unlike him, I'm really humbled and grateful by the positive reception he's received. I deeply appreciate your kind messages... even when it takes me eons to reply to them, gah.

[scarletsinnerz]

FREE MLP COMMISSIONS.

EXAMPLE OF MY ART BELOW:

[I did not draw the background, it's a screen shot from the MLP fim series]

Howdy guys!

I'm opening a Instagram store for LPS and MLP commissions, adopts, pfps, and more! It's still a wip so nothing is for sale yet. And because I don't have too many MLP drawings to show for example, I thought I would open a few FREE commissions!

Instagram store link here.

[I'd also like to sell LPS clothes, stickers, customs, etc. eventually as well, but it'll be a while before that happens-]

I can draw an original character of yours, whether that be a random MLP OC or I can draw your pony sona/self insert. I can also draw any of the canon/fandom ponies from the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic series.

Or if you'd rather, I can make/design an adopt for you! You can give me some details/ideas you'd like included, or I can make the character from scratch and completely surprise you! I can also make a pony sona for you if you don't have one already. You can give me some details about you (things you like, fave colors, etc). And again, I can surprise you or you can tell me what/how you want to look like and I can draw it for you! (coat color, mane and tail color, length and style, cutie mark, whether you want to be a pegasus, unicorn, or Earth pony).

And if you don't know, I can choose for you on which I think best suits you out of the three! Whichever you'd like. We can go over and discuss more details if you want as well.

Don't be afraid to ask me any questions you may have!

The commission will be done digitally by me on procreate. It'll probably take me a week or a few to complete as I can be busy irl and I'll have multiple comms to do. So I ask you for your patience as I make this for you. Thank you.

I will be taking a total of 3 FREE commissions for now. But I may take more in the future. I'll make an edit on here and on my profile once all of the slots are taken. It is first come first serve, to make it fair.

Now for commission rules:

You can post it anywhere you want, but you MUST give me credit.

You cannot remove or alter my watermark/signature in anyway. This includes if you're using it as a pfp.

You cannot claim the drawing as your own creation, even if it is your OC, as I was the one who created it. Especially because the drawing is free, I think it's only fair that I receive credit in exchange.

I have every right to decline your comm for whatever reason.

I will only draw one character per commission. And it will be with a plain background only, as I don't have the time to draw backgrounds for everyone.

This comm is rather simple it won’t have lots of details and accessories and such. It’s just a single character comm with a plain background.

Please give me everything you have on your character that you want me to have in mind when drawing them.

You can print the artwork, but you cannot claim the drawing itself as your own creation. Again, please give me credit.

I reserve full rights to the image and it's use unless otherwise agreed upon.

I will do everything I can to make my customers happy! If you have a problem with anything, please let me know. I'm sure we can figure it out together.

That is everything for now, sorry for writing so much. ^^

REMEMBER THE COMM IS COMPLETELY FREE. 3 SLOTS OPEN ONLY!!!

[naamahdarling]

Idk how much overlap we have but I enjoy seeing you on my dash!

a) how many cats do you have?

b) do you have a fursona? Pony or cat or something else?

c) what inspired you to start doing art?

Feel free to answer any or all. Good luck at your appt <3

Four! Four little crying bastards! It is SO MANY but we did have six at one point (blended families and all that) so this is a little more manageable. They're all good, sweet babies. Even the ones I say are naughty or awful aren't, really. They're so sweet. Here are silly or unflattering pictures of Fancy, Smooch/Dried Pickle Man, Sid, Raleigh.

I don't have a fursona! I wish I did, I just don't know what it would be. A cat probably? A fat mountain lion but, like, a calico? Seems right. There are tons of cool animals I would like to be, tons I have designed and made up, but I don't think any of them are ME. I just want them as friends.

I wouldn't MIND being a unicorn, though. I just think I'd be crap at it. I would be very good at being a cat.

My mom was an artist, and so was my older sister and my grandmother, and probably her mom too, in some way. So I never haven't been an artist, I guess. I was drawing as soon as I could hold a marker. I was just surrounded by it from birth. Also surrounded by cats. I was very lucky!

[ashleyfableblack]

The royal family cuddled in the gentle serenity of their New Canterot bedchamber. Chrysalis' forelimbs draped protectively over Twilight's much smaller form, her favorite way to sit together. Twilight nestled in the nook of her wife's lap, enjoying the cool of her chitinous body. Her mane waved about lazily in the currents of her power. The navy tresses lapped at the satin of Chrysalis' nightie producing a soothing, almost musical hiss, not unlike the relaxing spray of the ocean. The serenity of their love was only interrupted by the tiny changeling larva dangling awkwardly from her mother's horn.

Twilight giggled. She struggled to not go cross-eyed as their offspring flailed about, inches from her face. Their peace was idyllic. Chrysalis flicked her serpentine tongue. She was as much tasting the emotions in the air as she was taunting the little larva. It returned the gesture with a tiny playful hiss. "Do you want to know what she's thinking?" Twilight's wings ruffled in surprise. "What? But she's just a larva, barely out of her first molt. I thought she couldn't contact the hive mind just yet?"

"It's true, her mind is unformed, more a series of scattered impressions and feelings" Chrysalis regarded the tiny little face with a tilt of her head. "but they are there, nonetheless." Twilight craned her neck to look back to her wife, carefully mindful of the infant changeling perched on her horn. The curiosity in her violet eyes was offset by the comedy of the flailing wiggleworm. "But without conscious thought, how? I thought the hive mind required a level of clarity they didn't possess until their nymph stage?" Chrysalis leaned forward to touch her snakelike snoot to the tiny charge chittering back at her. Her lips raised into a slight smile as the larva patted at her muzzle, nipping ferociously with fangs the size of quill nibs. "Think of it as walking through a forest at night. The many other minds of the hive walk by or rest in the trees. Creatures such as little..." "Sooty Cutie" Chrysalis raised an inky razor-fine eyebrow. "Yes..." Twilight grinned playfully at her wife's annoyance. Chrysalis rolled her eyes with a chuckle. Twilight respected their differences, loved her changeling family for them but she did feel the bizarre need to give all their daughters ridiculous little pony names. "Little Sooty Cutie here is like a... fog, a patch of mist you walk by- or through. Swirling about your hooves, grasping for attention- more of a presence than a persona but still, her existence has effect, if not purpose." Twilight tilted her head back, drawing the dangling little grub closer to her face. She gasped in mock terror at the beaming face as tiny forelimbs clasped onto her muzzle and fangs nipped and nibbled. "Did you hear what she said? Your momma said you don't have a purpose!" She wiggled her head, gently shaking her child about like a sailor on a stormy shipdeck. The tiny life chittered gleefully. "You have a purpose. Yes you do! It's being so cute. Being so cute to your mommas." Chrysalis watched them play together, the smile broadening on her chitinous cheeks. Twilight was so unlike any of her pony kind, detached in many ways, distant, as is required of a ruler. Yet even so, for being so collected, so factual and practical, Twilight held such incredible depth of feeling, compassion, love. Watching her go 'baby-crazy' like this was adorable. Twilight paused. "I'd like that very much, yes." Chrysalis gave her pony wife a squeeze and sighed dreamily. "Your voice sounds funny. Your coat feels pleasant to her crochets. Your horn is fun and your magic hums like a heartbeat..." she pressed her chitinous lips to her pony lovers ear in a whispering kiss. "She loves you. You're her queen- and her mother." This was their family.

They should have always been like this.

[the-fluffiest-trainer]

[A video is embedded.]

[Twilight and Fluttershy stand at the lower floor exit from the aquarium building, looking out at the beach and Route 8. Twilight is wearing an orange scarf. She points ahead.]

There he is! With the orange hair.

Oh, wow. That's an impressive mane for a human.

I know, isn't it? Rarity would call it an abomination. Oh, I do hope she Falls in Kalos, if only to see what new styles she'd inflict on poor Lysandre.

[The two ponies step outside, and Lysandre of the orange mane comes over to greet them.]

Ah, hello again, young Miss Sparkle! Is this beach not simply beautiful?

It is! This is a nice meeting spot. Lys, this is my friend Fluttershy, who also Fell from my world. Fluttershy, this is Lysandre, the scientist I've been working with here. He's the leader of Team Flare.

Hello! Nice to meet you.

[Fluttershy turns to speak to Twilight alone.]

Team Flare is your research team? The guys who battled me in the cave?

Oh! Yes, sorry for the less than welcoming introduction back there. I asked for us not to be disturbed while we looked for fossils. If I'd known you were on your way I would have told them to keep an eye out and let you past.

The junior scientists do good work, and many are skilled pokemon handlers as well. If you have defeated some of them, Fluttershy, then you must be strong and clever yourself. I applaud your determination!

Thank you. They fought well, and I can't fault anyone for wanting a bit of privacy.

And humble too, I notice. She is as kind as you said, Twilight. Truly, you both are clearly chosen to help build a better future.

You read my report, right, Lys? Fluttershy, why don't you bring out Keseph?

[Fluttershy throws a pokeball, releasing Keseph the amaura onto the beach. Lysandre looks on with noticeable interest, almost blind to everything else.]

This is the resurrected pokemon? A true beauty, unburdened by all the weight of time, alive once more and yet untouched by the world's filth... Magnificent. This is a taste of eternal life! This is proof we are on the right track.

Listen, Fluttershy. It is vital that both our worlds become better places. Twilight and I, and the rest of Team Flare, work tirelessly to achieve this goal. Despite what an uphill battle it is. Would you join us, Fluttershy, and help look for and research the legendary Xerneas, pokemon god of life?

Um... I'm not much of a scientist, myself. That's really Twilight's area of expertise. I just work with and care for animals, or pokemon here. But I am doing the Gym Challenge, which will take me all around Kalos, so I can be on the lookout for this legendary pokemon or any information about it?

Wonderful! That is all I ask. Knowledge is power, after all.

Just... one question, if I may? Why... is it so important to find this particular pokemon? Why pursue eternal life?

I don't understand. It was my belief that you ponies, in particular above all others in this world, would see and know the necessity? That you would wish to save lives, and let beauty last forever? Given what happened...

Fluttershy... I've been kind of avoiding bringing this up, but I feel like it's time to clear up a few things. What exactly do you remember of our last day in Equestria? Of how we both got here, to this other world?

I don't know how we got here, but Professor Sycamore says all our friends are in this world somewhere? Or most, anyway?

Some more has come back to me by now, since finding you again... since that awful dream. I remember Tirek, and we were trapped, and you were fighting him… He destroyed the library and you kind of flipped out, and you went at him with more magic than I've ever even heard of anypony having. Both of you absolutely tearing up the land around you, punching holes in the mountains… I don't remember how it ended.

It ended in a draw. We could have kept going like that forever, until there was nothing left of Equestria to save from him. Instead, we made a deal… which he immediately broke.

[Twilight looks away, unable to meet Fluttershy's eyes any longer. A light wind across the beach ruffles her mane and hides her face further, and at the edge of the screen some tufts of orange fur from the cameramon also briefly come into view.]

A deal? For what?

There's no good way to say this, Fluttershy. I'm sorry. We got stabbed in the backs by a dishonorable tyrant. All six of us, and even Discord, though he's not here so far as I've heard – all of us, as far as Equestria is concerned, are extremely dead.

And so is everypony else too, probably, because I failed you all.

[Fluttershy looks like she's just been slapped.]

What?!

We all died, and we died so violently that our souls Fell out of the world. We landed here. But here, with Team Flare, we're doing research, uncovering the secrets of eternal life! The ability to overcome even time itself, and set things back to how they should be, forever!

Imagine it, Fluttershy. We can go back. We can return to Equestria, immortal, with the powers of all the pokemon we meet here by our sides, and Tirek will never know what hit him.

[Twilight stomps one hoof on the sand as she says these last few words. Fluttershy takes half a step back.]

…Twilight, you're kind of scaring me a little.

Also, didn't he absorb magic from anything you send at him and then copy it?

Yes, which is why we need two things: one, surprise, and two, to kill him in one shot.

Twilight…? This doesn't sound like you…

I know. I'm sorry, Fluttershy. Betrayal and brutal murder have a way of changing a pony. I'm not okay, and I don't think I can be until I know Tirek has been dealt with, and he won't ever be a threat to anypony again.

I am angry, Fluttershy. Aren't you?

I... I don't think I know, anymore.

The magic of friendship is strong. It can solve many problems, and it should always, always, be tried first. But the hardest lesson I've had to learn yet is that it cannot solve every problem. It took literally dying to learn that one. Sometimes, friendship alone is not enough, and as awful as it is, someone may leave you no other option but force.

[Lysandre kneels in front of Fluttershy, bringing the two of them nearer to the same eye level. Fluttershy looks at him, with the beginnings of tears visible in her eyes.]

If you can know the magnitude of the evil done to you and not think of revenge, then that is a depth of virtue far beyond what she or I can manage. You remind me of a younger self, in fact. I would not wish to damage that great kindness within you.

Come, let none of us trouble our minds further with talk of ugliness, decay, and death.

[Lysandre stands and turns away, toward the water, and he beckons for both the ponies to come stand at his side. Together, everyone looks out over the white sand and the ocean beyond.]

With Xerneas's power, there will be no such horrors in the world to come. Only life as it should be, without conflict, without pain... only peace, forever.

Peace and harmony across both our worlds. It won't be easy, spreading friendship never is... but we can do this.

[Fluttershy nods, still staring out over the water.]

[Video ends.]

[penname-artist]

I went through my own personal memory lane today.

As far as I know, you can't get to them anymore, now that my old DeviantArt is deactivated and destroyed, but I dug through the physical drawings I'd posted to that site from 2015 through to 2022 or so.

About half of them are ponies (I was a brony freak, man, don't ask), and the rest where all kinds of things. Original projects, characters, doodles, animals, zentangles, fan works of other materials.

A few things I forgot I'd kept. One I didn't have the heart to look at. The roads of memories have two sides: the nostalgic, and the haunting.

And yet despite that, I'm again faced with this really weird sort of look-back. For probably the first time in my life, I feel entirely disconnected from this era. It seems so far away now. Even though it hasn't been that many years, it's still been so many seasons. So many parts. So many chapters of my life that have gone past this time capsule of colored history.

The things that happened then, they changed me. CoVid was, of course, one facet of the insanity. 2020 was not kind to any of us. But for me, that time struck me for a very different reason. A much more personal reason, that I'm continuing to uncover parts of in therapy today.

None of us are perfect people. None of us have clean slates. We've all done things poorly, embarrassingly, wrongly, and with guilt or shame that it was not just. That doesn't justify the bad, but it does help us forgive ourselves, when we know we're not the only people that screwed up.

I left my previous account, and my old name, for a personal reason. A reason relating to identity, to everything I was and everything I wanted to become, that had been shattered by the reality of what I was doing. What I was causing, who I was hurting.

From each small step I'd taken since that moment in time that the door had been shut, I began to disconnect from it. I cut my hair. I changed my name. I dived further into another fandom. I got a tattoo. I broke off a toxic relationship. And then several more, down the line. I worked on myself. I explored the mental health world, found a therapist and a medication setup that works for now. Made peace with the mistakes I'd made. Moved forward, however slowly.

Now, in just a few months I'll be passing the four year benchmark of when it happened. And I feel as though I don't know the girl I remember, sitting at her desk staring blankly at a note she didn't expect. The beginning of a long, long line of mistakes and problems and struggles and pain. I still remember her, but I don't know her. I was her. But I'm not, now.

But I know that I used to be. And it used to all be different. And though it'll never go back to that time, it'll never come back to those days, they're still here, preserved in a piece of paper with every pencil stroke.

It's a funny feeling, nostalgia.

[drill-teeth]

Sometimes I think about like. When I first really got access to the internet, so much of what I liked growing up suddenly became dirty.

I was raised as a girl. And I liked plenty of girl targeted media. Kim Possible and My Little Pony were some of my favorites. I also watched some media targeted more at young boys. Primarily anime. Like Dragon Ball Z and Naruto. Because my dad liked those, so he didn't really have an issue with me liking them too because it was cool to him to share some interests. Which was nice.

And eventually we got a family computer and I was allowed to use it pretty regularly starting mainly in middle school. And I wanted to draw all my favorite cartoon characters.

It was really easy to find reference images of the Naruto characters and Dragon Ball Z characters I liked. Most of the image results were screenshots from the show or cool fanart of them using their powers to blow stuff up. And I figured finding images to reference for Kim Possible and My Little Pony wouldn't be any harder. I had started watching Friendship Is Magic recently. Pinkie Pie and Rarity were my favorites, and I wanted to draw them. And Kim. And Shego.

And it did not take a long scroll down the Google image search results to see more than just a little suggestive or outright explicit porn art of all of them. And my curious mind wanted to know why that was in the search results. It didn't seem to me like that should be so easily available. But it turned out a LOT of people. Mostly grown men. Decided the ponies and Kim and Shego were sexy and decided to draw and post on many many non-adult catered websites a lot of porn.

And suddenly my pony figures and Equestria girls dolls felt like sex objects in my bedroom. And my Kim Possible fanart sitting in my sketchbook felt dirty. And the shows weren't as fun to watch anymore. I didn't end up finishing all the seasons of Friendship is Magic.

I sort of just threw myself into the boy things I was allowed to like since then. People didn't really have any questions about that, especially since I socially transitioned to male in highschool. I bet plenty of them just assumed I liked boy stuff to go with my new boy gender lol.

I wish I had still enjoyed Kim Possible and My Little Pony when I was younger though. I missed those medias but felt like I couldn't even touch them anymore. Especially after I went through a sexual trauma in highschool that I honestly don't want to publicly recount. I want to rewatch both series for fun. But I still can't work up the nerve.

And I think a lot about like. How I was lucky to have boy interests to fall back on because I know and knew plenty of people raised as girls who weren't allowed to watch boy targeted media at all. Who probably went through something eerily similar and then had nothing at all that felt okay to watch.

And sometimes I wish this was more important to people when they discuss media consumption and fandom. Sometimes I wish people were more interested in adult centered fandom sites for their horny art so at least some kid on the internet knows it's going to be porn before they choose whether or not to click. Sometimes I wish some of the first things I heard about when engaging with fandom centered around kids media weren't the top ten most disgusting porn fics. And even though I don't post explicit NSFW on my art Tumblr, I try to make it clear I find Transformers characters attractive so that people understand that before deciding to follow me even there or view more of my art. Because I actually think open and up front disclosure of "I am an adult who finds cartoon characters attractive so keep that in mind before you choose to view my work" is important. And honestly the least I can do.

And I'm not like. Saying you have to stop drawing cartoon characters sexy or whatever. I know I'm not going to stop finding Transformers robots hot. And I'm not out to advocate for censorship. I just think like. People are too used to pointing and laughing at sites pushing "kid friendly" fixes to their apps that don't do anything but frustrate users and just mean porn goes untagged. And are too used to just. Seeing cartoon character porn unfiltered cross their dash. That even well intentioned people don't really stop to pause to be like. Hey maybe I don't want my horny drawing of a kids show character to be at the top of Google search results. And maybe I should filter the image appropriately with the sites' filters or choose a more adult site for it in general.

Because honestly kids should be allowed to enjoy media without adults' sex fantasies being constantly inescapable to them.

[erotica-hooligan]

Etienne Telling's 2023 Fic Roundup

All fics on AO3 are well tagged or have end notes with more details. Fics below contain everything from soft kink to noncon, so mind the tags and endnotes before reading.

114,307 words this year! Mostly CQL/MDZS, one original, and one A League of Nobleman.

In order of publication:

Brat, NieYao, Rated E, 3.4K.

Meng Yao comes home and ends up with an unexpected reward.

This Heavy Joy, Jadecest, Rated E, 22.6K

Xichen is determined not to allow Wangji to wither in isolation in the aftermath of his punishment. Xichen’s care draws the Twin Jades closer than ever and reveals old wounds alongside the new. As they struggle in recovery, Lan Yuan teaches them how to play pretend, and the Twin Jades redefine what it is to be a family.

Intricate, Wen Ning/Lan Xichen, Wangxian, Wangningxian, other implied ships, Rated E, 2.5K

Wen Ning walks in on Lan Huan dick out on his sofa, listening to Lan Zhan and Wei Ying fucking in the other room and takes charge of the situation.

Good Girls Don't, Xiyao/Jin Ling, Rated E, 5.3K

Jin Ling has a rape fantasy. Jin Guangyao doesn't trust just anyone to take care of her.

Grateful, A League of Nobleman, Lan Jue/Wang Yan, Rated E, 1.1K

"I wasn't even gone a week." How many more times will this scene play out between them? This is at least the third, and Mowen knows it won't be the last. He can only hope they'll keep happening, with Peizhi managing to escape from a mess of his own making by the skin of his teeth.

First, Jadecest, Rated E, 2.9K ⚠️Rape/Noncon, Underage

A teenage prank goes wrong and Lan Xichen finds himself the age he was when he lost his virginity.

Ask, Jadecest, Rated E, 5.8K

In which Wangji and Xichen play a cat and mouse game over Xichen's spanking kink.

drag it from the inside (like we're young again), Jadecest and Wangxian, Rated E, 6.6K

In which Wangji decides how to help his brother, with a little help from Wei Ying. A slice of Wangji POV from if you tell them where to begin. Not a standalone.

10/07/07 2:13 PM with @iamwestiec, Xizhui, Rated E, 24.2K

Introduced to a kink on ff.net, a teenage Lan Yuan stumbles into an ageplay forum in an attempt to learn more. With a new name (sizhui1987), false birth year, different gender, and insatiable curiosity, Sizhui makes friends with the forum's owner, shuoyue_writer. Drawn together by shared identities and caregiving preferences, Shuoyue changes Sizhui's life. Except… Shuoyue is Sizhui's Uncle Xichen, and eventually, the truth of who Sizhui is comes out and crashes down on the both of them. TL:DR: Sizhui Catfishes his Uncle Xichen, circa 2006-2008. A story told in AIM transcripts, emails, and vignettes

Home, Xiyao, Rated E, 4.9K

Xichen comes home to Meng Yao; he comes home to his mama.

Seventeen Minutes, Jin Gaungyao/Lan Sizhui (kinda), Rated E, 1.5K

The way of the Cloud Recesses is that a dominant must intimately understand what they are doing to their submissive. To understand, they must experience. It would be foolish not to accept a masterclass from Lianfang-zun, even if it means Sizhui's limits will be putty in Lianfang-zun's hands

Well Bred, 3zun/Qin Su, Rated E, 1.9K

The one where Qin Su gets fucked by her husband's beloved pony. And his boyfriend.

love is the voice under all silences, Xiyao, Rated E, 5.2K

The one where Jin Gaungyao allows Lan Xichen to whisk him away to happiness.

Recognition, Xiayo, Rated E, 17.2k ⚠️Rape (Xichen/Others)

Meng Yao rescues the first Jade of Lan and takes him into his home, becoming far more involved than ever anticipated.

strength and softness, Yu Ziyuan/Jiang Yanli, Rated E, 2.5K

Yanli has always been weak, but the truth of her weakness is a carefully guarded secret. It is not an easy life, yet with all of Yanli's secrets, she has one she treasures: there is a side of her mother that she is the only one in the world allowed to see. Or, the one where Yanli has a curse where she needs physical contact to live.

The Lemon House, Original, Nonbinary/Genderqueer, Rated E, 5.7K

A Day in the Life of a House Submissive for a Housing Cooperative in a BDSM AU setting. Wren’s second favorite thing about mornings is the satisfaction of giving its housemates a warm start to the morning. That their day will be a little nicer because of Wren. No matter how shitty its housemates’ days may be, Wren started them right. It will wait for them when they get home, bookmarking their days with warmth and affection.

[thedawningofthehour]

I just saw a video from one of my favorite content creators, called My little pony: a new generation. the banality of facism, it sounds ridiculous, but that's why I like it. in general, besides summarizing facism to your Daddy/Mommy issues turned into your political ideology and how capitalism opens its arms until it gets stabbed, it talks about how facism is a self-destructive ideology since it is sustained by the fear of the 'other', but once this 'other' is defeated, facism has to look for someone else to call 'other' and so on until they end up killing each other. (the video is in Spanish, so I can't really recommend it).

Draxum seeks to found a Utopia based on facism, which is impossible, spreading hatred and terror towards humans in order to put the Yokai as the superior race, Draxum believes that once the majority of humans are mutated, there will no longer be discrimination by race, however, facism is not a fire that goes out just like that, it will seek to continue burning and look for its next target: the mutants.

I don't remember which was the chapter in which Gale and Draxum have a conversation about this, in which Draxum can't understand why the Yokai and mutants would fight each other.

You've posted about this before, and it's made clear in the story that the many Yokai who follow Draxum see mutants as only one step above humans, which isn't much either.

I know the story is about Donnie and his family trying to get him back, that the whole war thing came later. But I really, REALLY need Draxum to have his reality shock at the end, especially since I know it would hurt him. I don't know how he would do it, maybe Bishop would be the one to give him the talk (wouldn't that be ironic) that depending on him being an ally of the turtles and having a relationship with immortality, in which case, he would have experience.

It's really interesting studying anthropology, learning how different social stratas formed across history and regions and the different factors that influenced it. People will start categorizing themselves no matter what you do, and they'll come up with bullshit to justify one category being better than the other. This fact is pretty much constant throughout all of history, but the details change. I could write a whole paper on the evolution of ethnic groups throughout history and remnants of tribal mindsets-in fact, I did start, but I was writing a lot and just kind of info-dumping, so I'm not gonna do that.

We're seeing the whole 'fascism needs a scapegoat' right now in the U.S., (and all the places influenced by our media) with the repeal of Roe v. Wade and the trans panic. Because the American far-right has been using RvW as a rallying cry for decades-like, literally, the fact that abortion is even controversial in the first place can be traced back to conservative political groups needing to find a thing to unify them and draw their voters together, because the only thing their ideologies had in common was 'progress bad' and they weren't gonna last on that. Anti-trans rhetoric has been in the media for a while now, but it's ramped the fuck up in the past year-because conservatives no longer have RvW to scream about. They had to scramble to find something, because if they give their base two seconds to think then they might start to realize that their political party isn't actually standing for anything.

Draxum is trying to create like...a reverse ethnostate, where literally anyone is welcome and equal aside from this one particular group. Which holds all the fallacies of real-life attempted ethnostates, and is also just extra stupid on top of that.

[jojoturnip]

Maybe what I needed you to understand was the love I had for him.

The love I still have.

I've been making a timeline of my life in therapy. It's split between good memories on top and bad ones on bottom. There's so much bad, that much you were willing to accept, but there is a lot of good, too.

Sometimes it's the good that keeps me up at night more than anything.

A younger me runs around our old apartment carrying the wand he hand-carved me from cherry wood ("all purpose, good for a young girl to learn all sorts of magic on"). I asked him to keep a crystal point off the top unlike the other wands he made because I liked to wave around, and I was afraid I'd hurt something I had a sharp tip. Besides, I loved that wand so much I kept it under my shirt, at the ready for playing pretend any chance I got. I'd have scratched myself to hell and back if he had added a point. He put a piece of polished, smooth citrine on the other end of it so I could at least channel some energy.

Citrine was my favorite stone. Because it was yellow. Because I loved the color yellow. Because it meant happiness and joy and sunshine. Because that's who I was.

He wrote me a song once, before he even got with my mom officially. He named it, "Sunshine Girl." My mom recorded me singing to myself in the mirror as I blow-dried my hair once and sent it to him as he wrote it. I was so embarrassed.

He would pick me up from school a lot, and I loved that part of my day. My elementary school got out earlier than my sister's middle school, so it meant riding around with him and getting fast food while we waited. He would teach me about music on the radio, tell me my voice was much prettier than Melissa's, and listen to all the drama I would bring home from my day.

When he went to auctioneering school, we practiced the tongue twisters together in the living room, laughing about Betty and her butter batter. He graduated as the valedictorian of his class. I cheered him on from the audience.

He taught me to shoot a bow, adjusted my draw weights and sights, cut me grips from his leather scraps, and fixed up the old long bow when I snapped it from pulling it too far. His hands over my shoulders as he taught me how to stand, over my three fingers as he taught me to aim. He made a quiver with me by hand with buffalo rawhide and sheep leather and sinew. He brought home horse hair for fringe but I was too freaked out to add it. He made the fringe from leather and pony beads instead.

The wand and the quiver and a locker we painted together and so many more things he gave me, made for me are sitting in that storage unit I'm supposed to empty. I don't know how to face them all.

I love him. I miss him. I think that's what you'll never be able to understand.

You didn't want to understand.

I have to juggle what he did, how he hurt me, with how he loved me.

We can call it grooming or gaining my trust or a false childhood built in manipulation, but that doesn't change the fact that it was my childhood. My reality. What I know love to be.

You said you couldn't handle cognitive dissonance. Can't you see I was born from it, bred from it, grown and germinated from its hard and rocky substrate?

A friend told me she thinks I drove you insane. The way I hold and stitch these contradictive truths together. I think that's the most reasonable explanation I've heard so far.

A part of me wants to apologize here. I am sorry that my life was too much for you to bear. That it scared you to see me go back to my family, to love people who hurt me time and time again. I know that must've been hard. I do understand where you are coming from.

Another part of me knows that I never asked for you to take that problem as your own. I never asked you to deal with my parents. I never asked you to save me. I didn't want that. I just wanted someones shoulder to lean and crash on while I carried the burden myself.

Instead, you told me that it was too much for you.

Instead, I supported you through every goddamn second of you refusing to take care of yourself. How was that not too much? You had the option to change. I cannot change my memories, my childhood.

You ask me to lose my family but you cannot get new parents like you can a boyfriend.

You like to compare my situation with you and your ex, a fool's comparison. Your abuser did not raise you. You keep your life when you walk away. You were not made of a boyfriend you met in college. Our situations are different. Our lives are different.

We are different. You never seemed to get that.

My life is tainted. I can't look through rose colored glasses, the stain remains. But I can't get rid of the memories either, or cast them out in distaste. They are a part of me. They are what made me.

I think I needed you to see that.

Remember a week before you broke up with me, you called asking for the explicit details of quite possibly the worst events of my life. Things I can't write about, much less talk about. You said you wouldn't be able to understand me without knowing.

You left me crying on the phone. It was never about understanding.

It took me one and a half years to tell you the bad stuff. It was harder to tell you the good, you know. It's all racing around, conflicting inside of me, too. But if you wanted to understand me, know me like a partner should, it required knowing the good. Seeing me, and how I am built of cognitive dissonance. Seeing the power that it gives me in empathizing with you and others, and the pain that it gives me, too. My existence is a fragile thing.

They were not excuses. They were glimpses into my mind. Into what I go through every single day.

When I let you in, you only wanted to see the bad. But you have to see the good, too. The gut wrenching good that bleeds out of me in yellow. The citrine stones and bamboo arrows and rainbow cheesecakes and Annie lockets.

I'm a storyteller, and I wanted you to know my story. You only wanted to hear a parroted version of your own sung back at you.

I am not you. I never will be.

[harufallinwonderland]

Vivienne's best worst day (not my oc)

OK! so I WANNA MAKE A TWST FAMILY DAY FANFIC and there some OCS from someone I follow that I wanted to make A fanfic for SOOO

Here is the link to xem's (pretty sure that's the correct way to use the pronoun) OCS which is A Precure x Twst fandorm and the focus of today is my fav of them all Vivienne (or Viv) and her experience of her friends acquaintances meeting her big bro (Julian) and wanting to die (also @shinysparklesapphires so u can see this whenever u get the chance) now let us start!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vivienne wakes up stretching as she enjoyed the morning for about 0.5 seconds before remembering that today is the day she dreaded the most Family day. Now don't get her wrong she isn't unhappy about her family coming (even if she refuse to admit it out loud she does care about them) the actual bad part was trying to make sure her friends dorm mates don't talk to him cause she knows her big brother would spill her most embarrassing secrets to them and she REFUSES to let that happen.

she goes to check her phone to see it was 8:50 am she decided to oversleep A bit as classes were cancelled for parent day but said families were meant to come to the school at 9:30 and knowing her brother he would take any chance to complain to annoy her which is the motivation she needed to force herself out of bed and to get ready.

And now it was 9:28 and she went from speed walking to now jogging to the mirror chamber while some students run to the mirror chamber seeing A few curetiel students too one catching her eye A brown hair student running with A much lighter hair student following yelling at them for sleeping in but she goes back to her main problem now hoping that Julian is the one A late so she really doesn't have to hear it from him "Are you that worried over being late Nya?" oh yeah Vivienne found this random cat on the road totally not her girlfriend and it decided to follow her to her "displeasure".

"Hardly I just don't want to give A reason for Julian to complain how about you? your running with me?" Vivienne doesn't look at Yuuki in the face not in the mood for Yuuki's normal smug face but she doesn't hear A peep for A bit but the catgirl eventually speaks up "Oh my family got nyajor business to handle today so they couldn't visit so there coming nyaxt time" well crap...Vivienne kinda actually felt bad....

"Well you can hang out with Julian and I if you don't want to be alone" Vivienne paused after saying that surprised that she blurted out the offer she knew that Julian most likely wouldn't have A problem with Yuuki as long as she behaves but she didn't want Julian to expose her past embarrassing secrets but Vivienne stops herself from taking back the offer.

"...I'm down Nya!" Yuuki said happily which gets A small smile from Vivienne's face which quickly disappears and Vivienne looks away from Yuuki entering the mirror chamber then she looks around noticing multiple disgustedly sweet reunions many from her own dorm Housewarden and vice housewarden and there families Kira probably telling theres about all his experiences in this school so far and some Blue hair Curetiel student with A side pony tail holding hands with A pink one as some old lady comes to greet them.

"Grr where is that idiot I know he would be bitching to hell and back if I was late" and so started one of her daily rants which Yuuki listens to intently untill she sees A blue hair man sneak up behind Viv A huge smirk on his face as Viv does not notice too focused on her rant to noticed but Yuuki didn't do anything recognizing him from pictures on Viv's phone.

"I heard you talking shit"

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" *SLAP* Thankfully most of the room was filled with loud talking not drawing to much eyes on the three but said three quickly retreat out of the mirror chamber not liking the prying eyes on them from those who did hear.

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP SNEAKING UP ON ME IDOIT!"

"OH CAN'T A BIG BROTHER MESS WITH HIS LITTLE SISTER AFTER NOT ONLY NOT SEEING HER FOR MONTHS BUT ALSO WHEN SHE WAS TALKING SHIT?"

They were bickering but Yuuki could tell it was far from serious by Viv's making the same "angry" face when shouting at her and Julian's smirk that makes her wonder if there were truly no blood relation between the two despite there totally different looks.

"Well? where my introduction to your little friend Vi? it's rude to not introduce me to someone you talk so much about" Julian still has his cocky smirk that makes Yuuki question there lack of blood relation again but her brain pauses when the sentence fully processes in her brain "you talk about me to your family Nya?" She asked tilting her head to the side. Vivienne was completely red nodding her head no in A panic "ONLY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE!" she says contradicting what she said with her actions but Yuuki doesn't mention it "ANYWAY Yuuki my annoying piece of shit brother Julian and Julian this is my personal pain in the ass Yuuki since you two love bothering me to no end I doubt you two won't get along"

"Oh really well if you insist we gotta get along" he practically slides over to Yuuki pulling out his phone while Vivienne regrets every choice in her life that lead her to here "Hey Yuuki wanna see some funny pictures of Vivienne?" he has A glint in his eyes screaming he is out to make Vivienne regret being his sister while Yuuki returns that same glint same energy but replace sister with friend "of course Nya"

Vivienne rubs the temples of her eyes already regretting bringing these two together at all.

{30 minutes later}

Welp this is officially one of the worst moment of her life despite it being "FAMILY DAY" and Vivienne giving him A tour Julian spent more time exposing all of Vivienne's past secrets rather then being her brother but in hindsight he really isn't acting less then his normal self "and so she kept asking our sis to bake her so many sweets so she had A horrible stomach ache for most of the next day" Julian Snickers with Yuuki as Vivienne points to the school store saying "that's the school store" before quickly moving on wanting this to end and to go and eat cupcakes somewhere untill something catches her ear.

"ugh do you see that guy he was A super popular Rsa student A few years ago heard so many students in Rsa talk about him like A God during that one field trip some students students took to Rsa my first year" some Diasomnia 3rd year says.

"walking into here like he is all that I doubt any Rsa student past or present could survive A fight with anyone here kinda want to knock him down his high horse". A savanaclaw 2nd year said

OOH this pissed off Vivienne to her core although she couldn't tell if it was her "sense of justice" she is meant to have as A curetiel student or the fact these NOBODIES insulted her brother as only her and there sister had the right to do so and before she could calm herself down she was stomping to them grabbing her magic pen "oh trust me why would he waste time on some idiots who do nothing but gossip about others instead of spending it with there family or maybe your family's didn't want to come wouldn't blame them with family like you I would ditch too" she finished her shout standing right up to them despite being shorter her anger takes over enough to not consider she may be over her head (get it).

"Aye it's that girl from Curetiel aren't you that one who is A emo little punk cause your to embarrassed being in the same dorm as those goody toe shoes?" The Diasomnia student said with the Savanaclaw student chuckling but Viv uses her magic to stuff the students mouths with snow "Don't you dare insult my dorm not like your dorms are all that special either Savanaclaw is just A bunch of IDOIT jocks and Diasomnia only selling point is that there housewarden is so strong he makes everyone else actually useless!" wait was she just offended by them insulting her dorm....what is wrong with her today.

the two students glared at her spitting the snow out of there mouths grabbing there magic pens but stopping when they get A glance at Julio with A wand that looked like A dessert theme toyed but the gem stone showing it's truly A wand and A glare at them telling them to try to hurt her but prepare for something twice as bad back the students looked fearfully at him before barring there teeth and speed walking away and Vivienne looked at him mad.

"come on I could handle idiots like that so easily why did you intervene?" she questioned him walking up to him ignoring Yuuki backing away from Julian low key terrified "well yeah you could BUT why would we waste our time on idiots like those for now lets contiune that tour we visited the school store so it's time for you to take me to check out your dorm right Vi?" he says surprising Vivienne that he was actually listening to her as she just nods leading him to the mirror chamber and Yuuki just follows behind them just chatting hardly bickering and looking at Viv's expression "damn she really does have resting bitch face" she mumbles to herself but still finding the sight of the two chatting cute.

[rosekasa]

ive yet to finish an art project since december bc ive been so down abt my work. im startjng to feel like a one trick pony, like i can only make one good art im proud of and never again. each type i set out to make something it just doesn't turn out good so i delete it and start again and rinse and repeat. its nice to know that its not just me who feels this way

baby you are NOT alone!! at a time where most of the art we consume is through the norms of social media it can be so hard to remember that art is not just about making a good 'finished product' and that your value as an artist isn't about your work looking like those of the people you see with thousands of followers. feeling proud of your work comes from feeling proud of yourself. i have so many pieces that objectively are Not good but i feel filled with so much love when i look at them because i remember how happy i was while creating it. but then i have pieces that have gotten thousands of reblogs but i physically cannot bring myself to look at them for too long because while i was drawing it i was constantly thinking about whether it will look good, whether it will fit the idea i had in my head, etc. etc.

I don't know if it's any consolation to hear this, but the feelings triggered in you when you see a result you don't like are not concrete nor are they a true depiction of who you are. you are a wonderful, skilled, creative artist and i can say this to you without knowing who you are and knowing your work because to be that kind of person is to think you are that kind of person. the more you tell yourself not to be nervous about your art not turning out good and focus on creating the things that make you feel joy with confidence, the more your art WILL start to look good, i promise.

i wanted to share some examples with my own art and my feelings about it so if you're not interested don't worry qjkskw im just putting it under here

i think this was my most reblogged piece in 2022 but i dont think ive seen it closeup since then because it does not make me feel good when i look at it. when i sat down to draw this i was so stressed about making it look a certain way. i was trying to use all this technical knowledge like forumlas to make it look 'perfect' but at the end it just felt like a drawing that wasn't even mine. i do like the sky a lot though because painting skies like that have always made me feel really happy.

same situation with this piece. i had the vague idea in my head but it felt like i had to make it a chore to make sure it looked good. i kept trying to find the 'perfect' references and trying to copy tutorials id seen about anatomy to force it to look good but again this just doesn't feel like my art because i think so much of it came from what i thought i shouldve been doing rather than what felt good. it felt like i was trying to prove myself

i did this in an hour and a half and i thought it was going to be a warmup ahkdka. i completely switched off my brain while i did this. i loved this pose from ikari gozen and so i sketched it out really fast in a way that felt so. easy? natural? the rest of the details sort of just fell into place. that's not to say i didnt try to use the same techniques that i did for the other two, but this time i trusted that those techniques that i learned would naturally come to me while i worked while i had the end result in my mind. when i look at this piece i just remember how intuitive the process felt, how i would zoom out of the canvas and look at it and think 'omg wait what if i try that thing i saw on that youtube tutorial...' and how i wasnt trying to prove to myself this was a good drawing, but for the way i felt natural and happy prove it to me instead

this one too ❤️ i have improved my anatomy a lot since this piece but i still use it on all my portfolios and commission examples because it feels like such a good depiction of how i want MY art to feel to me when i see it. i love ladynoir so much and i love oblivio so much and that's genuinely all i was thinking about while drawing this. i didn't want to make it perfect, i just had a vague image of what i wanted it to be like in my head but i was just so excited to be doing oblivio art that i totally forgot about stressing about everything else and just let the brainrot power me HDKDKA. the process was so messy but it felt a lot like solving a puzzle, you know? i didnt need to force any techniques onto it to make it look good because i trusted that the image would already be there, i just needed to find it

[quill-pen]

A Christmas Confession pt. 1 (Married!ScroogeXReader)

I know, I know! I said I wouldn't post up much more for the story and that I'd only do some requests and headcannon stuff, but since listening to that gorgeous cover of 'Come What May' by Luke, my brain has been fraught with inspiration. And when I followed through with it, it turned into something just a little bit bigger because I've been dying to write Ebenezer being a loving Uncle figure to children. So here we are!

Part two will come along in a bit and bring with it quite a bit more romance. *wink* Right now, enjoy sweet Uncle Ebby with some adorable little girls plus YOU!

Note: Remember, the main idea of the story is you are Marley's estranged daughter raised in America but returned to England to live (for many complicated reasons) in your early to mid-20s (younger half-siblings now included because I want to write father-figure Scrooge and the Cratchit kids and street urchins can't always be around). For the many complicated reasons previously mentioned, you have married Ebenezer--a dear friend--and are struggling with the situation because you truly have feelings for the man, but are convinced he couldn't possibly feel the same.

Also, too late for Christmas stuff? NOT WHEN IT COMES TO 'A CHRISTMAS CAROL'. If Ebenezer can keep Christmas in his heart alive all the year, then why can't I?!

Enjoy!

Pairing: Ebenezer Scrooge x F!Reader (married)

Warnings: None, unless you count pining and seriously adorable Uncle Ebenezer with cute kids.

Summary: Christmas time has come again! This time, (probably at the behest of the children) you and Scrooge have invited the Cratchits and the Huffmans to stay with you for Christmas Eve so that you may all enjoy a Christmas morning together. You and Ebenezer agree to put the children to bed so that the Cratchits might have a break. For once!

A/N: Don't worry--we will get Prudence in the next part! And as always, insanely soft Scrooge.

And if anyone has any idea what the other Cratchit girls besides Kathy (who by all rights would probably be Belinda IDK why so many names got changed in this thing) are, let me know. Because right now, I'm just naming them things that sound right.

Part 2

A Christmas Confession pt. 1

Arms crossed over your chest, you leaned against the doorpost and watched with a small smile on your face as Millie and the young Cratchit girls knelt at the side of the bed, heads bowed and hands clasped in the nightly prayer: “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep….”  Once they’d finished the recitation, they went around the bed, each thanking or praying to God individually about something or someone in turn.  Millie started off the round: “I thank you, God, for sending us the baby Jesus.  And I also pray that my friend Betty in Cincinnati has a nice Christmas this year.  She told me in her letters she was wanting a new doll and a dress--I hope she gets them.  I would just like a pony, with Christmas ribbons in its mane and tail.  Thank you, God.”

You fought back the urge to laugh at that, successfully turning it into a quiet snort.  Oh, you’re adorable but highly tenacious baby sister!  Even at six years old, you could already tell you were in for a whirlwind of a time raising her up.  God help you when the teenage years came! 

A large, warm hand enclosed over your shoulder, drawing your attention away from the children to see Ebenezer standing just behind you.  “How are we coming?” he murmured, eyes on the girls.

“We’re just finishing up our prayers,” you whispered back.  “How are the boys?”

“Tucked in, waiting for you to come say goodnight.”

You gave him a look of disbelief.  “What?!  You mean to tell me you have that rowdy lot in bed already?  How on earth did you beat me?”

The silver-haired man flashed you one of his divinely roguish smirks, making your knees feel the slightest bit wobbly.  “I, my fine lady, am a man of many talents,” he whispered mysteriously.

Raising an eyebrow you smirked back.  “Hmm, bribed them with sovereigns.  I see.”  You tsked your tongue and shook your head at him.  “Cheater.”

Ebenezer didn’t even try to deny it, just merely burred that beautiful chuckle of his that stirred your soul.

The two of you fell silent and watched on as the girls continued on around their individual prayers.  Ebenezer’s hand stayed on your shoulder, a wonderful, gentle, steady, and warm weight that conversely sent shivers tingling along your nerves.  Oh, how you wished he’d put that hand around your waist and pull you into him, as close as a real wife should be.  Or at least take one of your own hands into it and twine your delicate fingers together with his attractively large ones.  There was no hope for it--you wanted to be completely and utterly possessed by him.  Not merely carnally (though that in itself was a major appeal) but in the soft, devoted, domestic way too; the way you’d see the Cratchits and Huffmans behave towards each other; the way you’d see couples walking the street act; the way you’d grown up watching your mother and step-father interact.  What you would have given to be totally and completely the woman of the house--to be Ebenezer’s woman.

But there was no point in pining for things that wouldn’t come to pass, so you forced your mind away from the concept and put it back on the girls, who were coming to the end of their personal prayers.  Millie added in one last time: “Also, God, I know I’m still just a little girl, but I’d take really good care of a pony if I had one.  I promise--cross my heart.  Honest.  Amen.”

Again you snorted, and you heard the man beside you rumble out another amused chuckle as well.  “She certainly knows how to work the system,” he remarked.

“Oh, she’s completely incorrigible,” you told him.  With that, you moved back into the room (regretfully slipping out from Ebenezer’s touch as you did) and approached the children.  “All right, girls, very good.  Now let’s get into bed.”  You pulled back the thick covers and watched as they all filed between them one by one.  

“We’re not sleepy yet,” Tilda and Maggie protested, despite snuggling in next to Millie.

“We want to stay up and try to catch Father Christmas!” Alice added enthusiastically.

An entire chorus of excited agreement went up from the girls

“But he won’t come unless you’re all sound asleep,” you countered, smiling the slightest bit.  Oh, to be a child on Christmas Eve again!

“Why?” sweet little Judith asked.

All five sets of eyes shined brightly up at you in innocence and wonderment, awaiting an answer.  An answer that you, admittedly, were a little bit stumped over.  “Um… well… that’s just always been the way it is.”

“But why?” Millie pressed further.

“Because that’s how Father Christmas’ magic works!”

You and the girls turned to see Ebenezer coming into the room, slate-blue eyes as bright and shining as the children’s.  He smiled and winked at you as he moved towards the bed.  You felt your heart flutter just a bit, the slightest warmth of a blush color your cheeks.  Thank God the flickering firelight would help conceal it.  

The tall man went around the bed and sat on the side opposite you, beaming down at the snuggled-up little girls in a way that made your heart positively melt.  “You see, girls, Father Christmas has a very special kind of magic that can only work when you are all asleep,” Ebenezer twisted up his face in a comically sneaky way and peered around conspiratorially as if he were about to relay a very important secret that only they were supposed to hear and then whispered, “because the magic is fueled by your Christmas dreams!”

You made saucer-wide eyes along with the girls and exclaimed, “Ooooh!” 

“Yes,” Ebenezer continued.  “That’s why you must all sleep tonight so that you may dream and give Father Christmas all the power he needs for his magic to work.  Why without your dreams to help him, he would never be able to travel the world and deliver presents to all the little boys and girls!  And we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

“No!” Judith exclaimed, her eyes twice the size they normally were and so full of sweet innocence it broke your heart.  She clutched her dolly preciously to her.  

“No,” Ebenezer agreed with a serious shake of his silvery head.  “I didn’t think so.  So off to sleep for each of you.”

“How come we have to go to bed, but the grown-ups don’t have to?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah, shouldn’t they be sleeping so their dreams can help the magic too?” Tilda added.

That time it was Ebenezer’s turn to look stumped.  Clearly, he hadn’t thought that far ahead in his story.  “Um… w-well-”

“Grown-ups’ dreams aren’t as powerful as children’s dreams,” you came to his rescue.  “But we make up for it by helping Santa in making sure that all of the children go to bed on time so that he has enough magic when he needs it.”

“Precisely!” Ebenezer brightened, smiling gratefully at you.  Then he became very serious and stern as he turned to the girls again.  “Which is why you must all go to bed at once,” he ordered, poking a ticklish finger into each little girl's tummy, causing them to squeal with laughter.  “Because if you do not go to sleep, we will be failing in our duty to Father Christmas!  Understood?”

Still giggling, the girls all sounded off: “Yes, sir!”

“Very good!” Scrooge said, voice still gruff like a Sergeant Major General’s.  “Now, good night!”  With a devilish gleam in his eyes, the man loomed down over the girls and gave them each a good hard nuzzle on the face with his cheeks, evilly chuckling ‘good night’ over and over.  The girls laughed harder and tried to push him away, shrieking and squealing about his “whisker tickles”.  That only made him continue with more vigor.

You couldn’t help but laugh right along with them.  “Ebenezer, at this rate you’ll get them so stirred up again they’ll never be able to sleep for Santa!”

Laughing as well, Ebenezer pulled back to give you an acquiescent smile.  “I suppose you are right, my dear.  Without these little ones’ dreams, Father Christmas may never get his sleigh off the ground!”  With that, he turned back to the girls and leaned back in, only this time to administer gentle kisses to their brows.  Each girl gave him a return kiss on the cheek; Millie went a bit further to reach up and hold his face in place as she blew a wet raspberry into his muttonchop.  (The man grimaced but judging how he still smiled, he didn’t seem to mind too much.)  “Good night, my lovies,” Ebenezer murmured softly, an adoring gentleness in his blue eyes.  “Sweet dreams and happy Christmas.”

“Good night, Uncle Ebby!” the girls chorused as he stood to leave.

“Right to sleep now,” you told the girls as you too stood up and began to leave.  “No talking.  Remember Santa’s counting on you to help him work tonight.”

“Yes, Y/N/Auntie Y/N!”

There was still the faint noise of giggling and whispered chatter as you closed the door, but it was quickly beginning to die down.  Ebenezer’s magic had worked.

A mildly disgusted groan caused you to turn and find the man in question wiping at his spittle-slicked cheek with his handkerchief.  

You giggled and pulled out your own handkerchief from your sleeve.  “Here, let me.  Your silky thing won’t do the job.” 

With a grateful smile, Ebenezer gentlemanly bowed his face towards you.  "That girl is going to be a menace to society, I tell you," he said, only half-jokingly.

You hummed in agreement as you cleaned him up, still having to stand a bit on tiptoe to do so (lovely, tall man…).  "Don't I know it?  She is her father's daughter--George was a… character.  But I adored him.”  You gave him a knowing smile.  “Just as you adore Millie."

Ebenezer gave you a playful scowl, the softness in his eyes saying you were right.  “You’d better go see the boys now,” he said, once you’d finished drying him off.  “And then we’d better check on the older children to make sure they got themselves to bed.”

You nodded and put your kerchief away.  As you followed him down the hall, you were still thinking about Ebenezer’s story.  You’d never heard anything like it before.  “Where’d you come up with that?” you asked, looking up at him.

The man raised a bushy brow quizzically.  “Beg pardon?”

“The story about Santa’s magic fueled by children’s dreams.  Did you hear that somewhere or did you just make it up on the spot?”

Ebenezer smiled.  “Oh, that.”  He chuckled.  “Well, yes, I did come up with it, as a matter of fact, when my sister and I were children.”  A sort of sad haze came into the man’s beautiful eyes to mix with the happiness of the memory as he reminisced.  “You see, Jen was like any other child on Christmas Eve--well so was I, rather, for a while at least.  Apparently, our parents couldn’t give her a satisfactory answer as to why she should go to bed rather than stay up and wait for Father Christmas.”

“So you came up with the reason for why.”

“Exactly.”

“Did it work?”

“It did.  And Jen would ask me about it every Christmas after, even beyond the point where we stopped believing.”

You smiled and gently nudged the tall man with your shoulder.  “She liked the story,” you said.  “It is a good story, I must say.  Certainly much more fun than what we were given: Mama and George told us if we didn’t go to bed, Santa would simply pass right over our house.  It seemed to do the trick for us.  Although my final year of believing, I did sneak out of bed and stayed up.”  You laughed at the memory.  “Sakes alive, did I give poor old George a fright when he came down early to put the presents out!  He just about took me over his knee to tan my hide!”

“And I take it catching your stepfather was what caused your belief to fade,” Ebenezer surmised, looking a little amused by your story.

“Yes,” you admitted a little forlornly.  “It was sad.  I think it’s always sad when you stop believing in that sort of magic.”

“Yes,” Ebenezer agreed, also looking just a bit sad.  But then he quickly gave you a bright smile.  “But then you discover a new magic in making the old magic for others, and then you begin to believe again.”

“Just in a different way,” you said, understanding his meaning.

The man only beamed in agreement.  “That was a very nice addition to the story, I must say,” he said after a moment.  “The bit about adult dreams not being as powerful as those of children.”

You raised your chin a bit haughtily and flipped a curl of your hair with a smug smile.  “Why thank you, kind sir,” you purred.  “I thought it was inspired.”

Ebenezer chuckled at that.  “You know, I’d forgotten that story,” he remarked as you both pulled up in front of the door to the boys’ room.  “Until now.”  He had a distant, contemplative look in his eyes.

Feeling a bit bold, you reached out and grabbed his hand, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze.  You smiled genuinely at him.  “I’m glad you remembered it, Ebenezer,” you told him.  “The girls enjoyed it and… and so did I.  Truly.”

Ebenezer had looked a bit surprised when you’d taken his hand so suddenly.  Now the surprise was fading back into warmth and affection.  He squeezed your hand back.  “Then I shall strive never to forget it again, Y/N.”  

There was something in his manner; something extremely soft and unknown to you in his voice and gaze; something that warmed your being from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  For the umpteenth time, your heart fluttered--your breath caught in your throat.  You may not have known what it was, but you knew you never wanted him to stop looking at or talking to you like that.  Could… could he possibly- the thought was dismissed from your mind before it even had time to fully process.  No.  No, it wasn’t that; it wasn’t possible.  Ebenezer saw you as his very dear friend and that was all; he would never look at you or speak to you in a way other than that.  It was just fanciful thinking on your part that that warmth in his manner could be something more.  Merely wishes.  It was simply the merriment of the evening and the excess joy of the children rubbing off on everyone, enhancing every emotion.  It was the spirit of Christmas--that was all.

You shook your head, clearing off the daze.  “Well,” you said, clearing your throat before adding significant volume to your tone so you would be heard through the door, “we’d better go make sure these boys are asleep!”  With that, you, rather reluctantly, let go of Ebenezer’s hand.  And if you weren’t so deadset on Ebenezer seeing you as nothing more than a friend, you could have sworn his release was reluctant as well.

@the-house-of-auditore-frye @oldmanlusting