#I have so many ideas but I've been struggling to remember a single one of them for weeks

[lisannastraussisanangel]

Do you have any dragon slayer instincts headcanons???

Yes! I want to study the dragon slayers like bugs

They hoard things like typical dragons. But it's not as straight forward like gold. It's more like Natsu hoarding friends and memories or Gajeel hoarding different types of music and cat stuff

They are all super territorial. Usually they keep it pretty suppressed but Lucy swears she heard Wendy growl at Sting when he jokingly said he was gonna join Team Natsu

You know that little angry dance bearded dragons do? They all do it but specifically Natsu and Gajeel

Speaking of lizards, you know how they puff up when mad? Laxus does this all the time. Sometimes for no reason other than someone walking up to him and the Raijinshuu

They have high prey drive. Like if someone runs past them there's a good chance you get pounced on. Cobra does it all the time to the point where Crime Sorciere refuse to run near him

They all hold babies by the scruff of their neck. If they could walk around holding their kids by the neck in their mouths they would

You know how some animals hair stands up when threatened? That's a big thing for them but it's not like the hair on the heads. It's arm hair and then they get goosebumps and hunch over all freaked out

They subconsciously try to hibernate in the winter. Rogue almost always has a massive stockpile of food in his room when it snows

[thats-godscomma]

Since rewatching Psych, I've been thinking about how weird and arbitrary Shawn's interests are. Sure, late 2000's writing had something to do with it, and maybe a bit of Henry and Gus's influence, but hearing Shawn be so vocal about how he hates certain popular things or (more importantly) refuses to give them a chance BUT at the same time knowing so many pop culture references, it got me thinking.

What if the reason Shawn has so many pop culture references on hand is because of his eidetic memory, and he doesn't actually have as much of an interest in pop culture? Throughout the show, he actively avoids getting roped into big interests and franchises (see: comic books, soap operas, etc.) despite the fact that he genuinely seems excited once he's part of it. In fact, we don't get to see a lot of Shawn's interests at all unless it's based on an idea.

Take being a bounty hunter, for example. According to him, he's obsessed with the idea, but he doesn't make many references to an actual bounty hunter show or franchise. Instead, he just remembers the one bounty hunter he saw as a child and maybe references a movie or two. Because once he remembers something, he's never going to forget it, or at least not for a very long time.

That's why he thinks in references. Everything is a reference if you have a good enough memory. Everything reminds you of something. If Shawn hears someone make a Spock reference, it's in his repertoire forever. But he wouldn't be caught dead watching the shows or movies because that's just too much information. Why on earth would he endure that?

Of course, it also intertwines with his ADHD. He has bouts of energy and trouble focusing. He can't sit still to save his life, and he hyperfixates...or he would if his memory didn't make him averse to it. So if he doesn't want to hyperfixate on an information-based interest, then what does he hyperfixate on? Physical activities. Instead of learning about his favorite daredevil, he tries to be one himself. When he learns about oil rigs, he doesn't get a book from the library. He tries to find oil in his backyard.

This is also where he and Henry differ regarding Shawn's "potential." Henry is correct when he talks about Shawn's "wasted" potential, but he doesn't understand the toil of having this eidetic memory and ADHD. Here's what I think happened: Henry probably noticed Shawn's stellar memory at a young age, realized he has a gift, spoke with his wife about her eidetic memory, learned that you need to challenge your child's eidetic memory at a young age or it'll go away, started the hat game to make it fun and exciting, but then Shawn's ADHD appeared. Suddenly, it made him much harder to raise (because let's be real, Shawn was not an easy child.) Henry didn't know what he was doing anymore, and since it was the 80's, he didn't have the resources to properly understand his kid's behavior, so he tried to find a common interest, and started training Shawn to be a detective "because kids love cop shows." But Shawn struggled to stay attached to one single interest, and when he grew up, he stopped trying to articulate his problems because his mom (the only person who remotely understood his struggles) left, and he blamed his dad for it.

And academics? Those are a joke because what is the point of studying if he already remembers everything? Until, of course, he needs to apply it to a problem-solving test or writing an essay. Suddenly, he's memorizing a math teacher's answer sheet and copying Gus's report.

Yes, Shawn could have been a great cop. He could be an amazing scientist or anything really. He could have been a national spelling bee champion like Gus wanted to be. Even 15 years later, Shawn remembered exactly what word Gus messed up, how to spell the word, and what letter he made Gus slip up, but he didn't want to be on that stage with Gus because that requires so much learning. And so much time. And so much memorizing. And he refuses to sit still for that long when he knows that overloading his head is going to give him migraines.

Also his "I've heard it both ways" probably comes from the fact that people with eidetic memory can still make lots of mistakes if they don't actively commit something to memory. If Shawn only overhears something, he'll still naturally try to fill in the gaps like everyone else, but because he's so confident in his memory, he just believes what he remembers to be true, leading him to repeat incorrect information with confidence. That could also be why some of his references are incorrect due to mixed-up homophones.

Anyway, this post was supposed to be about how Shawn is just a walking movie reference because his memory won't let him forget quotes, but then I fell into a rabbit hole of the negative effects of having an eidetic memory as a child, and I am very passionate about how Henry actually tried his best, and people need to stop calling him a horrible parent. Love y'all. Let me know what you think.

[remcycl333]

some thoughts on imagination and fulfilling ALL your desires, no matter how small ♡

hiii! just wanted to share with you guys some things ive been thinking about lately and a new discovery!

so first of all! i went through a little phase this previous weekend where i could not imagine for the life of me. i just could not concentrate, and i kept hyperfixating on every little sound in my room and it was very frustrating. i also could not fall asleep because i usually use daydreams to lull myself to sleep and i couldn't daydream! it was very frustrating.

(side note--at one point i wished that my room would just be silent and then i lost power for a few hours and my room WAS dead silent for a while, lol)

but then i was scrolling thru loatwt, like i do, and i found this acct @/scriptercas and they made a couple of posts about the way they imagine (i like this one too) and i tried it that night and i was DEEP in my imagination for like an hour straight. like me??? adhd aphantasia me???

i know that a lot of you guys are like me and have aphantasia and therefore can't see mental images and you can get discouraged by imagining, but this is definitely my new holy grail and i think this will work so well for you guys too!

(p.s. if you guys are into shifting, that account has some great advice! i'd really recommend!!)

i also recently re-read edward art's series, which i have mentioned in recent posts. once again, i know ive also said this recently, but i highly highly highly recommend reading it (or listening, there's also an audio form) if you haven't already! even if you just read the first five parts. i swear if you are still struggling to fully grasp the law, after you read it you will get it. it's so good.

i bring this up because in a lot of the parts, edward talks about building the habit of fulfilling every single desire--no matter how small--that you have, as it comes to you. and i've just been ruminating on this so much lately.

i remember at the beginning of my loa journey, there would be things that i wanted and i'd kinda mourn the fact that i didnt have them... when i didn't have to. i could've just fulfilled myself. but instead i had the idea in my head that "i'll manifest my sp first, and THEN i can get my desire of receiving flowers." or, "i'll manifest money first, and THEN i can buy the expensive things i want" or "i'll manifest my new apartment, and THEN i can host dinner parties for my friends" etc.

but what i've been thinking about lately--prompted by edward--is that you dont have to want for anything anymore. i can give myself any and everything i want in my imagination. i don't have to wait to manifest something else first.

this has really bolstered my imagination game as well. everything you want to do with or experience once you have your desire, you can have/experience in your imagination right now. and it really adds to your imaginings. it really helps immerse you more and helps you capture the feeling of it being real.

for example, when i was manifesting my apartment, i had sooo many things i wanted to experience once i'd manifested it. i wanted to have my friends over for game night and cook them dinner and make them cocktails. i wanted to bake in my spacious kitchen and have fancy utensils and expensive ingredients. i wanted to shower in my fancy shower and use expensive bath products. i wanted my own vanity stocked with expensive makeup and perfumes. i wanted a large walk in closet with rows and rows of gorgeous clothing. i wanted to come back from a night out and leave my clothes strewn about the bathroom bc i was too drunk to put them away, and no one was gonna see them or yell at me for leaving them there. like some of the things i desired for were so mundane, yet i felt the absence of them in my life every day. for example: living close to a target, being able to make adventurous meals without worrying if my family members would like them, playing video games with my friends in my own living room.

everything i just listed were things i wanted so badly once i had my apartment, but whenever id run into the opposite in my every day life, i wouldn't fulfill myself at first. like i'd go to cook the same old dinner i cooked for my family every other night and i'd be like "ugh i wish i could be in my own apartment where i did the grocery shopping and i could buy fresh ingredients and make an elaborate meal instead of just having pasta and jarred sauce again." but then i realized that if i were in my dream apartment i would be able to do that. i spent so much time imagining waking up in my new apartment and what it would look like, but in the end, imagining stuff like this is what really helped me to fulfill myself and catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

i was really reminded of that whenever i re-read edward's series, and now im applying it to my new desires as well. it's so funny that no matter how much i manifest or how much i learn i always find myself forgetting little tidbits like that that really help me and are very valuable.

anyway i just wanted to make this post to help you guys a little maybe! i was just in the shower and i was remembering edward saying to fulfill every little desire you have--not matter how small-- and i was remembering the days i used to imagine myself in my current shower, and id close my eyes and imagine the scent of the shampoo i wanted to get and i'd feel where every individual bath product would be placed once i had my own shower. and all that inspired me to write this!

i hope that this helps you guys out and/or gives you imagination motivation! i feel like it's important to imagine all the small things that pertain to your desire that maybe you overlook while imagining, but that you know you deeply yearn for even if u think they're mundane or that you'll just get them once you get your big, overarching desire <3

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

oh yeah i saw your reblog of togami fun fact and i think i followed you because you chew on him so well. do you have posts of your thoughts on togami's backstory? (you can answer privately btw)

i straight up don't remember if i've ever posted in length about my byakuya backstory headcanons (if i ever did they'd be catalogued under '#my thoughts' probably, that's the tag i use for my fandom posts) but! just for you i will list a few that i have off of the top of my head

i liked the concept of the togami novel and ended up perceiving the heir struggle as like. not a necessarily organized competition (what with heir prospectives trying to assassinate each other or otherwise blackmail, threaten, or force each other out of the running) but more a survival challenge with occasional tests of cleverness, strength, etc. and byakuya managed to win by manipulation and sheer force of will, and doing things that might be considered 'underhanded' or 'shameful' (see: polaris p polanski) -> testament to ambition

byakuya says something cringe in thh like 'im perfect in every way. wits, ability, and body' which always pissed me off but as a result i ended up seeing him as like. above average in athletics, maybe good agility and reaction time? and capable of self-defense, but definitely nowhere near professional levels, and not in a way that's obvious from looking at him

re: physical ability and 'perfection', i don't think he's an 'ultimate' anything aside from 'ultimate progeny'. like he's not the ultimate stock-broker or the ultimate viola-player, but he can do both things pretty well. more of a jack-of-all-trades master-of-none kind of talent. maybe that eats at him a little, the fact that he won't ever be truly outstanding in one single field until he becomes togami head

also re: physical ability, he gets his blue eyes from his mother's side, so he's more sensitive to light. but his mild near-sightedness and need for corrective lenses is from his father's side. he doesn't know this though, so he blames his mother's genetic for all of it

he was planning to get lasik after becoming head of the family but. well. lol

he's half-french. his mother is french. i dont think ive ever posted about mamagami but ive definitely made mention of her in my fic, though at this point she's more of an oc than anything since there's like, no canon info about her at all. but she's a french sculptor who did not want a child and does not want any relation to the togami family other than having them as like. art clients. a cool lady very dedicated to her profession and could have been the ultimate sculptor, but kind of a emotionally neglectful mother ngl

there probably is some more canon info on papagami , aka kijo togami's character but i haven't really bothered looking for it. instead i made him into a sad little man who kind of hates his role as togami head and would've preferred a more mundane life (like as an architect - i actually did make a post about this somewhere), but he won his generation's heir competition because he felt like he had to, not because he necessarily wanted to. for reasons yet unsaid

byakuya spent the first part of his vulnerable youth being emotionally neglected at his mother's villa/art studio in france (hence the bilingualism hinted in the canon). when he left to join the heir competition after one too many assassination attempts he got one of his mom's business partners and former exes (a guy named 'polanski') to shelter him

byakuya's impressions of his parents: his mom sucks (fair i suppose) and his dad lacks real ambition and isn't suited to his role. or at least, he could be surpassed very easily. byakuya plans to make himself the greatest heir ever seen because of his shit parent combo

byakuya's known pennyworth the butler since birth. i have this idea that each togami kid gets just one togami family servant to help shape them into their roles. pennyworth happens to be the oldest of the roster but also the most experienced, and is kind of a shifty old man (i.e: very cunning and more loyal to the family than the child he's been assigned to, though that changes as byakuya gets older)

byakuya's also probably a girl and bisexual but he''s trying to take over the world through his shitty family's conglomerate and then survive a murder game apocalypse so she doesn't really care about that rn

[haruharuz]

Self Therapy; A Note

I've been pondering about this concept for quite a while now. Therapy itself is a wonderful tool to pick your broken pieces up and gently glue them back together- as if they were never broken at all.

However, not everyone has the resources to truly indulge in such tools. So I mulled over the idea of doing therapy almost at home. While it won't be as effective, as far as my personal experience goes, therapists typically give out homework to their patients.

I want to make it clear that because you're doing this kind of thing at home, it is vital to remain cautious. This is not medical advice, just something to consider.

If you do not have the resources to go to therapy, doing a self therapy session every single week could be beneficial, I think. I'm making a little guide on how exactly I personally am choosing to do this.

(●´∀｀●)

Step One: Choose An App

There are many many free apps specifically geared towards mental health. I've used a few, one of which being "WYSA" which I personally enjoyed. Pick one you think would suit you!

I enjoy these apps primarily because they typically have some free form of help. Like breathing exercises, meditation, etc! You can skip this step if you don't feel comfortable.

Step Two: Find Resources Online

You can easily find a lot of free resources online by looking up "therapy worksheet" "anxiety worksheet" "depression worksheet" etc.

Find a couple that you think would suit you to work on for the first week. The more you find, I recommend stockpiling them into a folder! This way, every new session you can either pre-plan said worksheets or grab a couple quickly.

I also highly recommend looking for journal prompts! Especially shadow work journal prompts that help you release certain emotions. You can do this with pen and a notebook or you can use a laptop/tablet for this! If you don't feel secure, password protect documents or hide your journal in a very safe place.

Step Three: Plan your first Session

Identify what you would like to address/work on during the session. Write it down.

Find the worksheets and exercises you want to do, plan them out. It's easier to go ahead and print/write/type them now and put them in a folder with a clear name. (e.g. ST.session1)

Find a day in the week when you know you will have at least one hour of free time. During this one hour of free time, you will be taking the time to do all of your things ! You can do this before bed, in the middle of the day. Just choose a time you think would be best.

I recommend setting a small goal every 1-2 sessions. Remember, goals should be reasonable, attainable, and measurable. Little steps. (For instance, if you struggle with severe social anxiety like I did, you can make a goal "order a coffee one time", but there's many ways to do this)

You can add more to this if you want! Please remember, you can add a face mask and reading a nice book, or other coping skills/self care to this if you think it might help. I recommend choosing things based off on how much time you have and how effective they are at helping you cope. You can also add them all separately to a "self care" day weekly. Up to you.

Example Setup

I'm sharing my personal set-up and plan with you! Some people need visuals <3

This is my folder set up:

as you can see, I have three folders inside a "self therapy" folder!

inside the "journaling" folder, I have three documents that align with the session outline (pictured next) that is in its respective folder. The first one has a journal prompt, the second two are completely blank and only named. They're just sitting there, waiting and ready!

This is my session outline. It includes what issues I'll be addressing and what exercises I'll be doing. Also, the next goal I'd like to work towards. This includes how I plan to do so. I also put a clear DAY and TIME for this session.

This is the worksheet I'll be doing:

And that's all! I'll be following this tomorrow and drinking some chocolate milk and relaxing :3 not too shabby, huh! Don't forget, if you are ever thinking about hurting yourself: call a hotline.

[mountain--bones]

4/11: They Lament, But We Rejoice

(Some personal ramblings which also can function as day 1 of the Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge!)

While I was showering yesterday I, as I often do, got lost in thought. I was thinking about myself and the path my life has taken, and how I've learned to relate to myself in a holistic way – flaws and all.

As I was thinking, I remembered some lyrics to a song I'd heard, but I couldn't remember the rest of the song or what it was called.

"'Cause when I saw my demons I knew them well and welcomed them"

This idea resonates with me a lot. Partially, it resonates in terms of my personality; I try my very best to accept the flaws in myself, and find the value in what they represent and connect to in my holistic self.

But, even more so, it's very easy to see my nonhuman self in this. I've come to understand that I am, at my core, something monstrous. I've related that inner, spiritual self to many different things before – a deity, an eldritch beast, an ancient spirit – but one of the first things I found myself thinking of it as was a demon.

I didn't think of it as demonic in a religious sense; it was more that it struck me as deeply, almost intrinsically adversarial to many of the things which are valued in the mainstream spirituality of western culture. It was chaos, animality, instinct, decomposition, death. And so: a demon.

When I found my demon, I knew it well, and welcomed it.

Given the melody of the song, it was pretty clear that the intended message was not one of radical reclamation of a self that would conventionally be considered abhorrent. So then I was curious – what's it really about?

And that's what made this so impactful and fascinating to me.

The song is The Lament of Eustace Scrubb, by the Oh Hellos.

Eustace Scrubb. If there's any character that stands out as an impactful early influence on my nonhumanity, it's Eustace Scrubb. But what's funny is how for me (and I'm sure a lot of other nonhuman folks), Eustace Scrubb is a character who represented an enigma – a contradiction to something which I so fervently craved.

For those who aren't familiar, Eustace Scrubb is a character from the Chronicles of Narnia whose selfishness led him to be turned into a dragon. And he hates it. He's so miserable about being a dragon instead of the boy he's meant to be. I couldn't understand it as a kid. Why would he hate being a dragon? Why would he want to be human?

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb is a song which was symbolically inspired by the struggle of this character – a lament about the loss of some valuable, sacred aspect of humanity, beneath layers of flaws and faults.

Here's the full lyrics.

Brother, forgive me We both know I'm the one to blame 'Cause when I saw my demons I knew them well and welcomed them I knew them well and welcomed them

But I'll come around I'll come around

Father, have mercy I know that I have gone astray 'Cause when I saw my reflection It was a stranger beneath my face It was a stranger beneath my face

But I'll come around I'll come around Someday

When I touch the water They tell me I could be set free

It's very easy, given context, to see the Christian themes here – especially given than the Chronicles of Narnia are also a deeply, explicitly Christian work.

But that just makes it more interesting how, reading these lyrics in the way I naturally want to in spite of the context, I find a meaning in them that's entirely opposite to what's intended – one that's positive and healing.

When I saw my demons, I knew them well and welcomed them.

When I saw the parts of myself that were unacceptable in society's eyes, instead of shunning them, I reached out. I offered them a welcoming hand. To embrace myself in a genuine way has always been more important than following along with what I'm told is "right".

Brother, forgive me – humanity, forgive me – because when I saw the monster inside me, I turned from humanity without a second thought, and without a single regret. The "demon" in me opened my eyes, set me free from rules and structures and beliefs which I never belonged or fit within.

I chose the monster over my humanity. I don't need humanity to forgive me for that, but there's something striking about the idea of regret. Not the regret of my path, or who I am; just a quiet regretfulness to betray something which utterly needed to be betrayed.

'Cause when I saw my reflection It was a stranger beneath my face

My reflection shows a human face. The stranger underneath – the self that I had never been allowed to be. It was a stranger to me, at first. I didn't know myself, because I had never been taught how to. I'd been taught how to speak and how to act, and all that ever amounted to was layers and layers of masks, obscuring the heart of me underneath them.

The grief here, for me, isn't that the stranger is inhuman. The grief is that the deepest part of me, that lay beneath the facade, was a stranger. That I didn't recognise my true self underneath, because it was hidden by the body showed in my reflection, and all the different ways I'd been taught to act as I "should" in a body like this.

When I touch the water They tell me I could be set free

A reflection in a pool. The surface shows a human face, but there's something stranger underneath it.

Touch the water. Break the reflection. Free the you which you've never let yourself be.

See what I'm saying here?

It's striking because this is so completely not what is intended by the lyrics of this song, and yet it forms such a meaningful picture of what nonhumanity is to me. It's striking because, like the story of Eustace Scrubb, there's joy and freedom and actualisation found in a concept that is presented as, and intended to be, something horrible.

The inhumanity is supposed to be a curse.

But for me, embracing my nonhuman self – welcoming my demons, the stranger in my reflection – was a release from a curse that I didn't know I was burdened with.

There's something deeply poignant in here for me. Something which felt worth writing about.

[pkmnirlevents]

How do you go about getting ideas for arcs? I’m struggling to figure out what I want to do with my character :(

Great question! This happens to be one of my absolute favorite parts of writing and pkmn irl itself. I've always been more of an ideas guy myself. I hope you don't mind but I decided to turn this into a bit of an overall tutorial for planning and writing arcs. Feel free to ask for any specifics because I could delve into my personal process for arc brainstorming, but I was admittedly writing this before getting ready for work and this post was getting kinda long haha

Knowing where to draw inspiration from can be a good place to start. It's wonderful to be inspired by music, a movie or tv show, a book, or even other people in the community and their writing. Ask yourself what elements of that thing draw you in. What do you like? What would you maybe do differently? I must mention though to be respectful of the work other blogs have put into their writing. Being inspired is a wonderful thing, lifting exact details or passages is not. If you're unsure, there's no harm is asking!

The most helpful thing I can tell you right off the bat is that you want to find out how to brainstorm. In schools they'll often try to teach you ways of brainstorming and outlining to structure your essay writing, if you're lucky they might even mention that there are multiple ways you can do this. The ones in school never worked for me personally, so for a long time I assumed brainstorming and outlining was a complete waste of my time and would launch straight into my writing drafts. But as I wanted to write more complex things and I wanted to indulge in more creative writing, I found myself getting stuck all the time. The truth is brainstorming is a helpful tool, but you have to know what type of brainstorming works best for you. Flowcharts, bullet points, stream of consciousness, word clouds, moodboards, drawings, whatever it is that gets your creative juices flowing. In my experience it works best to remember that not every one of these elements will make it into the final arc. You want to get your ideas down first and trim the excess later. I personally pay for a program (Milanote) that allows me to brainstorm in the methods that work best for me, but by no means do you have to pay for a program to do this. Pen and paper works just fine.

The next thing you wanna do is establish what you want your arc to do. Not every arc has to be a grand character development, but all arcs do something. No matter how small that something may be, something has to change as a result. Maybe your character meets a new person, obtains a new Pokemon, gets a new scar and a story to tell their friends, or maybe all they got was a t-shirt. If you already had a loose concept for your arc this can help you hone it. You can start asking yourself, "how does my character reach this point?" and work up to that. Map out what you think your character would do when dropped into a particular situation. This can also help you to establish the tone you want your arc to take. Is it silly and lighthearted or is it more serious and high stakes? Refer to the stakes tag post about proper tagging.

It can help to conceptualize your arc as a series of events rather than a single event. This allows you to understand how many posts you may need to split the arc up into, how much time the arc may take, or other hard to sort details.

These things ramp up when you start to incorporate more people into your arcs. Planning with your fellow writers is extremely important and that requires a lot of communication. Some writers prefer to do what we call pre-writing, which is typically you and the other writers get together and write out the posts in advance. This gives people the chance to look over each other's writing and make edits before the posts go live. Planning discords are useful for keeping things organized, but google docs or other collaborative writing programs can work just as well if those better suit your needs. Organize who is posting what and generally at what time, especially if the post involves other people's characters.

Remember all of this is for fun! These are not hard rules you need to follow. You should not force yourself to write things you do not like for the sake of others or for an imagined audience. Write what you want to write.

[thedirtiwalkoniswet]

Rewatched Andor and here are my absolute favourite lines of dialoge/ monologe

"I said I know you. I know the outside I know what people tell me when I ask. The rest I imagine. I imagine your hate. I imagine that no matter what you tell me or tell yourself, you'll ultimately die fighting these bastards. So what I'm asking you is this: Wouldn't you rather give it all at once to something real than carve of useless pieces till there's nothing left?"

S01E04

"The pace of repression outstrips our ability to understand it. And that is the real trick of the imperial thought machine. It's easier to hide behind 40 atrocities than a single incident. But they have a fight on their hands, don't they?"

S01E05

"We need it. We need the fear. We need them to overreact."

"You can't be serious."

"The empire has been choking us so slowly, we're starting not to notice. The time has come to force their hand."

"People will suffer."

"That's the plan."

S01E07

"Take all the money you found and go find some peace."

"I won't have peace. I'll be worried about you all the time."

"That's just love. Nothing you can do about that."

S01E07

"How long we hang on, how far we get, how many of us make it out, all of that is up to us. [...] Wherever you are right now, get up, stop the work. Get out of your cells, take charge and start climbing. They don't have enough guards and they know it. If we wait until they figure that out, it'll be too late. We will never have a better chance than this and I would rather die trying to take them down than giving them what they want. [...] There is one way out. Right now this building is ours. You need to run, climb, kill! You need to help each other. You see someone who's confused, someone who's lost, you get them moving and you keep them moving until we put this place behind us. There are 5000 of us. If we can fight half as hard as we've been working, we will be home in no time. One way out!

S01E10

"And what do you sacrifice?"

"Calm. Kindness. Kinship. Love. I've given up all chance at inner peace. I made my mind a sunless place. I share my dreams with ghosts. I wake up everyday to an equation I wrote 15 years ago from which there's only one conclusion. I'm damned for what I do. My anger, my ego, my unwillingness to yield, my eagerness to fight, they've sat me on a path from which there is no escape. I yearned to be a savior against injustice without contemplating the cost and by the time I look down there was no longer any ground beneath my feet. What is my sacrifice? I'm condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat them. I burn my decency for someone else's future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I know I'll never see. And the ego that started this fight will never have a mirror or an audience or the light of gratitude. So what do I sacrifice? Everything!"

S01E10

"There will be times where the struggle seems impossible. I know this already. Alone, unsure, dwarfed by the scale of the enemy. Remember this. Freedom is a pure idea. It occurs spointaneously, without instruction. Random acts of insurrection are occuring constantly throughout the galaxy. There are whole armies, battalions that have no idea that they've already enlisted in the cause. Remember that the frontier of the rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest acts of insurrection pushes our lines forward. And then remember this. The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that. And know this. The day will come when all these skirmishes and battles, these moments of defiance will have flooded the banks of the empire's authority and then there will be one too many. One single thing will break the siege. Remember this. Try."

S01E12

"Tell him, none of this is his fault. It was already burning. He's just the first spark of the fire. Tell him, he knows everything he needs to know and feels everything he needs to feel. And when the day comes, and those two pull together, he will be an unstoppable force for good. Tell him, I love him more than anything he could ever do wrong."

S01E12

"Where you stand now, I've been more times than I can remember. I always wanted to be lifted. I was always eager, always waiting to be inspired. I remember every time it happened, every time the dead lifted me... with their truth. And now I'm dead. And I yearn to lift you. Not because I want to shine or even be remembered. It's because I want you to go on. I want Ferrix to continue. In my waning hours that's what comforts me most. But I fear for you. We've been sleeping. We've had each other and Ferrix, our work, our days. We had each other and they left us alone. We kept the trade lanes open, and they left us alone. We took their money and ignored them, we kept their engines churning, and the moment they pulled away, we forgot them. Because we had each other. We had Ferrix. But we were sleeping. I've been sleeping. And I've been turned away from the truth I wanted not to face. There is a wound that won't heal at the center of the galaxy. There is a darkness reaching like rust into everything around us. We let it grow now it's here. It's here and it's not visiting anymore. It wants to stay. The empire is a disease that thrives in darkness, it is never more alive than when we sleep. It's easy for the dead to tell you to fight, and maybe it's true, maybe fighting is useless. Perhaps it's too late, but I'll tell you this... if I could do it again, I'd wake up early and be fighting these bastards from the start. Fight the empire!"

S01E12

[emithecharmer]

Beautiful

Tw: Insecurities (body image), hurt/comfort, best boy christopher, it doesn't specifically state that the reader has an ed but it's implied (past or present)

I looked at my waist in the mirror as I turned to the side. I rubbed my hand over my belly fat as I remembered the night before. I'd binged again, and now I was dealing with the aftermath, bloating. I knew I was supposed to love my body, it does so much for me, but how the hell was I supposed to even look at it when I see so many women out there with small waists, thighs, arms, stomachs..

"I have a fat ass though." I noted as I turned a bit more. I looked at my face and criticized my chubby cheeks , rubbing a hand over them and feeling small bumps. I shut my eyes in defeat as I sighed again and put my arms on the counter, steadying myself.

"Wow...That dress fits you like a glove." I heard my boyfriend say from behind me.

"It's not supposed to, it's supposed to be loose here-"

"Hey, you look absolutely stunning, baby." He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and tucked his head into the crook of my neck.

"You're gorgeous.." He whispered as he stared at me in the mirror.

"Chris.."

"Look," He backed up and twirled me slowly, "the bottom flows, it gives you the snatchiest waist ever." He mocked a girls voice, causing me to laugh.

"There's that pretty smile." He said as he pulled me closer, kissing my nose softly.

"What's got you down, baby?" I sighed as I leaned into his arms, he wrapped his around me again and pulled me close.

"I don't know, I just, have a very bad relationship with my body today." He nodded in understanding.

"Well, can I help?" He asked, causing me to raise a brow.

"C'mere." He brought his hands under my thighs and lifted me into the counter and set me down.

"Look at those pretty eyes." He made his point by bringing his fingers dangerously close to my eyes and pointing.

"Pfft!" He made an 'ahah' sound.

"And that gorgeous smile. I think about it countless times a day." I smiled at him softly.

"Those cute little dimples, and that single freckle on your cheek." He kissed the freckle to emphasize.

"The shiniest hair and an even brighter forehead." I smacked his arm softly, making him cackle.

"That sense of humor that causes everyone to light up around you." He nuzzled our noses together and softly pulled me back to my feet, turning me to the mirror again.

"That body, curves like no tomorrow, and don't get me started on your thighs. Your hands, so fucking soft, I have no idea how you get them so soft, but I know when I have a hard day, you'll be there and welcome me with those beautiful arms of yours." My eyes were watering at this point as he kissed my neck softly before turning me around.

"But the single most beautiful thing about you, is your soul. Your amazing heart, and your strong drive. You love so hard and passionately, and that makes you the most radiant woman in the world. You are my girlfriend, my magnificent, alluring, and charming girlfriend. You touch the hearts of everyone you come across, and that's why you make it so easy to love you. So. Next time you wanna say something mean about yourself, think about me, would I appreciate someone saying something bad about my girlfriend? Nope. So-" I cut him off with a hug as I sobbed into his chest.

"I love you so much.." I whimpered into his chest.

"I love you more," He lifted my chin to look at him in the eyes, "every," he kissed me on the forehead softly, "single," nose, "part," left cheek, "of," right cheek, "you." And when he placed that last kiss on my lips, I couldn't even think of what I was thinking before. All I could think about was how my boyfriend viewed me and how I wanted to view myself. A beautiful person, with an even more beautiful heart.

This really hit home for me. I've been struggling with body issues and eating issues lately. If you're struggling with body issues, I just want you to know that your are loved, and no one is worth more than anyone else because of their body type. Your body deserves to be loved by you, we all deserve love, no matter of our body type. I'm sorry if this story isn't as good as my other works, I feel like I've sort of lost my touch for writing.

[clarabosswald]

Hi!

If you aren't a Zionist wouldn't it be better for you to have a duel citizenship and just leve Israel, if you are oppose to its existance?

Do you have any more good, balanced sources about this conflict?

I am still struggling to understand what Zionism is. It seems like there are a lot of different definitions for it but the main one seems to be that this piece of land should be called the land of Israel and it should belong to Israeli-Jews.

I am not trying yo offened I'm just curious as a dumb ass American who is trying to educate hereself on this conflict through books and movies. Interviews/news from both sides got propeganda same as The States news or World news.

hi anon, thanks for the good faith ask.

i wish getting dual citizenship and just leaving was just as easy as quick as writing those ideas is. i've explained before why leaving is nearly impossible for me (at least currently so). as for dual citizenship - there's actually a good chance that i won't be able to get one anyway. from my paternal grandparents' side, their birthplace is currently a dictatorship so that's an obvious dead end. from my maternal grandparents' side, from what my mom told me (they both died long before i was born), they've lost their documents overtime so she thinks it might be impossible to prove their link to their birthplace in order to get citizenship. she's also really reluctant to expand on that, she says that they'd have hated for their grandchildren to return to the place where they've narrowly survived the holocaust.

by the way, i'm not opposed to israel's existence. i'm opposed to some of its aspects, for instance the occupation, and the government. but i've mentioned how i think the best possible solution* to the current situation is the two state solution, and naturally that means israel's continued existence, in different form. (*not the ultimate best dream/utopia solution, but the most likely one, and even that'd be hard to achieve.)

as for sources - i'm afraid i don't really know any, if only because i think there's really no such thing as a truly balanced source - all media sources come with agendas, and that fact has been driven to an extreme with the current war. the best i can offer is never relying on a single source - or even a couple of sources - to learn about a story or an event; try and learn how to identify biases and deliberate wordings in articles/stories; and completely ignore media outlets that are known to be extremely biased. for instance, israeli channel 14 is a complete joke of an far right outright propaganda outlet.

"what is zionism" is the million dollar question since the term got appropriated and bastardized into oblivion. my first advice in researching that is only relying on jewish sources. but remember that even then you're likely to come across varying definitions, since jewish people themselves have varying feelings towards the subject. it's a spectrum, really. like most ideologies, i suppose. "this piece of land should be called the land of Israel" - i wouldn't say that's part of zionism, for many reasons. for instance, historically, the land has known several names. for a long time, it was the kingdom or israel and kingdom of yehuda (judea). i don't think even herzl called it israel. and when the jewish leadership decided to declare independence, they've debated what to call the new state, with some of the other options being "yehuda" and "zion". i think that, possibly, what you might be referring to is a combination of two things: 1. "the land of israel" being a common biblical name for the land and therefore deeply integrated into jewish culture and religion; 2. the disdain some jews hold for "palestine", since the name's etymology is connected to peoples who were historically antagonistic to the jews of israel and yehuda; and as a name for the land itself, it first appeared after rome had suppressed the jewish revolt for independence back in 135ce, after which it renamed the province "syria-palestina". this is really the very tip of the iceberg, there's a ton of history to this, i'd definitely recommend reading on it. "it should belong to Israeli-Jews" - there's a spectrum to this too. some think it should "belong" to jews, no doubt; some think it's a place where jews should be safe from discrimination and antisemitism. the basis of it, in any case, is that 1. the land has been culturally integral to the jewish people for millennia and 2. the jewish people have faced suffering in the diaspora and sorely needed an independent jewish state in order to survive. (that didn't necessarily even mean the land of israel, there were ideas for creating such a state elsewhere, but they fell through for various reasons). honestly, even after very shallowly covering all that, there's still a difference between religious zionism (with the subset of messianic zionism), to "modern" secular zionism (pre-1948), to israeli post-1948 zionism (which in itself is also far from being one uniform idea). and all of that's without even touching the different forms and history of ANTI-zionism. (and there's also non-zionism, obviously; but i don't think there's really any coherent history or ideology to that; i think that it's mostly just individuals who, like me, have independently come to decide that they don't subscribe to either zionism nor anti zionism, for their own personal reasons.) but at the end of the day zionism is so deeply rooted in the culture and history and experience of the jewish people which brings me back to my first advice: rely on jewish sources only.

it's really good that you're seriously researching the subject! i feel like too many people watch a couple of tiktoks and a youtube essay and call it a day. and it's good that you've noticed how media covering of the issue is full of propaganda (not only "organic" propaganda from actual israel and actual palestine, but also a TON of russian and iranian propaganda which really just aims at sowing chaos and division and often not "rooting" for a specific "side"). remember that movies and books are biased too, just to different degrees; it's the nature of everything created by a person - it reflects their intent on one degree or another. usually i'd recommend books over movies but naturally they're a lot more time consuming... there's no quick and easy way to study issues that have been spanning anywhere between decades and centuries.

[playgrl0]

a/n: i.. have no idea what this is. it isn't a real fic it's just something that i needed to get off my chest... i think? idk man lmao. i wrote it while i was very high nd sad lol. also, i decided to not tag anyone since this isn't really a fic nd it's not about anyone specific. i imagined nanami while writing it tho, (well, the beginning nd the end lol) but u can ofc imagine anyone u want.

wc: 0,582

!! TW! implied suicide. poor mental health. just overall sad nd dark, very depressing i guess... i don't really know. please don't read if u easily get triggered, thank u !!

“Are you okay?” he asks. His voice is soft and careful. His hand resting atop your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, his eyes showing a sign of worry while waiting for your answer.

-

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

But am i really?

No. I'm not okay at all. But if I give you that answer, then what? What are you going to do? What can you do?

Absolutely nothing.

I'm in way too much pain. Too much has happened. Too many things have fucked up my brain. There's nothing you could ever do or say to take that trauma and pain away from me. So “yes”, is the best answer i can give you.

You can't do anything about the raging storm that is happening inside of my head. No one can. It's loud. It's so loud there. Loud thunder. The rain,

So loud, so loud, so fucking loud.

And my head feels heavy. Really fucking heavy. It's like I can barely hold it up and I always have to lay down to make sure my body doesn't give out under the heavy pressure of carrying my head around.

And when the thoughts in my brain keep piling on top of each other, so much, and so high that I barely can fit inside anymore, that's when the thoughts get really dark and heavy.

That's where I know that not a single soul can help me.

That I'm lost.

That's when I want to hurt myself.

When I want everything to stop.

The thoughts. The pain. The numbness. The heaviness. The struggle. The tears. The voices.

When i want

To

Stop

Existing.

That's the deepest part of the hole you can fall into. The moment where you're only a second, only a millimetre away from hitting the bottom.

That's the moment you get rid of your existence and hit the bottom of the hole.

It's what I've been longing for for the longest time. I don't remember what it's like not to want it.

The best part about it is that you won't feel the impact. You won't feel the pain, the shame, the guilt, the heaviness of the world anymore because it's quiet.

It'll be so quiet and peaceful.

No voices. No storm. No pain. No thoughts. No tears. No harm. No danger.

Just

Peace.

That's the only thing that can fix me. That can heal me, make me be okay.

But until then, I'm not okay. I won't be. There's nothing, besides that, that can fix me.

But I can't tell him, or anyone else, any of that.

So i'll just continue to nod my head, give a assuring smile and say yes.

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

-

I wrap my arms around his torso, my head buried in his chest. “Yes.” I answer him. “Just tired, that's all.” I smile at him.

He smiles back, kissing my forehead gently. He doesn't believe me, I know that. But he doesn't want to pressure me. “You can talk to me. Always and about anything. You know that, right?” he reminds me, his soft lips moving against my forehead.

“I know.” I kiss him on the lips, he smiles against mine. “Let's go lay down and take a nap together, yeah? You need rest.”

love,

<3 @ playgrl0

[razieltwelve]

Getting Your Ass Kicked

Getting your ass kicked is important.

I mean this both figuratively and literally. I have been kicked in the head, punched in the face, and come off second best in spars that probably went a bit further than just spars. I have also found myself on the losing side in intellectual endeavours where I gave my absolute all, did nothing wrong, and still came off second best.

And I think I'm better off for having gone through those experiences.

As a people watcher, former tutor, former childcare worker, and former university lecturer, I have seen all the different ways that people respond to losing. I firmly believe that losing when you're younger is an important part of learning how to handle losing, so that you do not just crumble when you're older.

I have seen many people who are used to winning, so used to winning that by the time they get to university they don't even know what losing feels like. Almost all of them struggled bitterly when they lost or came up against a challenge they simply weren't able to meet. They simply hadn't built up the same resilience that people who've lost before have.

I firmly believe this is why so many high achievers in high school struggle in university. Compared to the challenges offered by university, high school tends to be easier and less competitive. In many cases, there is always an answer, one that you can reach if you study and work hard enough.

However, when it comes to actual research, the sort you will have to conduct as an Honours, Masters, or PhD student - to say nothing of the work you'll have to carry out as a postgraduate or in the workplace - there may not be a right answer. Indeed, in the real world, you can do everything right, make all the correct moves, and still lose. That is simply how the world is.

Learning to handle failure is particularly important in creative disciplines. Let me tell you this right now. If you're going to be a writer, you will fail.

You will fail a lot.

And that's okay.

Because failing tells you what you're doing wrong. Failing lets you know when you're on the wrong track. Failing is how you can tell that what you're doing isn't right.

It's all right to fail because each of those failures gets you that much closer to success. Believe me, I know. I've been there.

Don't ever be ashamed of failing if you gave it everything you have. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's easy to mock those who fail, but there are so many who lack the courage to even try or who give up the minute things get hard.

It's telling, I think, that the greatest people aren't usually considered great because they never faced adversity but because they found a way to keep going despite that adversity.

Failing sucks. It hurts. But in the end, people don't remember how many times you failed. They remember how many times you managed to win. If a writer fails a thousand times but writes a single masterpiece, they will absolutely be remembered for that masterpiece, and not all the drafts that never quite made it or all the ideas that never saw the light of day.

Don't be afraid of failure. Otherwise, you will never be able to succeed.

[goodlucktai]

hi! this is quite embarrassing, but it’s currently two in the morning and I figured I wasn’t going to get any meaningful sleep unless I sent you this ask, so here it is!

you have absolutely no idea who I am, but I wanted to let you know that you were probably the first author I ever admired. I read all your tmnt fics on fanfiction.net (circa 2012, if I remember correctly) and after I managed to find my old account there tonight, I realized you also read some of my works, too. you left kind comments on some rather roughly written fics of mine, lol. and I have a god awful memory, but I’m certain I was ecstatic to get your feedback (to say the least). I was so jealous of your talent, but also so inspired. you really pushed me to continue writing even though you were never aware of it! and looking back on it now, I think writing might be one of the best things I’ve ever pursued :)

to this day I still write fics, albeit no longer for tmnt. and I’ve grown so much as a person and as an author — but every few years or so I still think about you and your works and that cute Mikey icon/profile pic you had for some time. going back to my roots and all, I suppose! I’m disgustingly sentimental like that, lol, but it’s nice to remember the things I’m grateful for every once in a while. and one of those things is you!

all this to say: I hope you’re doing well. I’m so happy to see you’re still active and writing. I might spend some time going through your ao3 just for the hell of it, even though I haven’t touched tmnt in so many years. you’ve had such a lovely domino effect on my life and I’m so glad I’ve finally found the courage to let you know that. I guess this is also a reminder to you, too, that you have had a positive, decade-long impact on a stranger, so who’s to say you haven’t touched the lives of so many others as well? you are so, so appreciated! 💛

there’s absolutely no pressure for you to post this ask or respond in any way — I just needed to thank you in the only way I could, and also wish you well. have a beautiful day! and please — keep writing! :)

i don't even know what to say. first of all, thank you for taking the time to send something so kind to me (if i cried over this at 6 am that's between me and god)

your timing is so incredible actually. i was laid off at the beginning of the month and i've been struggling to find motivation and inspiration since. and sort of letting myself sink into a self-doubt spiral. so this message really truly means a lot to me. and i'm going to think about it every single time i want to close a doc without at least trying to write something down

i'm so, so happy that you pursued writing, and honored that i could be a little voice of encouragement !! i hope everything goes well for you and that you remember you've always got someone in your corner <3

and thank you again ! thank you 🩷

[just-a-strange-boy]

better strangers - part 4

part 1 * part 2 * part 3

Eversince ending your arrangement with Stephen, you've been going through a rough patch. Attempting to avoid him as much as you possibly could, you struggle to let go. An unexpected turn of events convinces you to reconsider. Not sure whether it might change everything or nothing at all, you agree to one last encounter with Stephen...

Pairing: Stephen Strange x ftm!reader

Warnings: 18+ (Minors DNI), mentions of cheating and the endorsement of cheating, ANGST (and a bunch of conflicting feelings), oral sex (ftm receiving), unprotected penetrative sex

A/N: so here we are, the big finale (word count is around 11k) ...and I've had a lot of fun continuing the idea and giving them this ending in particular, especially considering the beginnings of their story were only two prompts I wrote for kinktober. please remember that communication is key, cheating is not the way to go, and feelings are allowed to be complicated.

The weeks following your fallout with Stephen turned out to be disastrous.

You were constantly on edge about everything. There were so many things suddenly starting to irk you and apparently everyone decided to get on your nerves constantly.

While you managed to hold back unsolicited comments at work and people luckily weren't able to see your grumpy face or how you held your head in hands as you talked to them over the phone, it didn't change the fact you were moody and a mess – running on an unhealthy amount of caffeine, cigarettes and plenty of bathroom breaks you spent with bawling your eyes out.

Work was bad, but it didn't quite stop there. Being on your own at home or even hanging around your friends was no better.

You found yourself reminded of Stephen at every little instance, incapable of ignoring his existence and pushing memories aside altogether. Instead you kept checking your phone every so often, wishing for him to just text you. You even caught yourself going home in anticipation, downright hoping he would be around on some days, because at least that would mean you could see him – well, before remembering how things had ended and that you shouldn't be excited at all.

So often, you remembered the things Stephen liked, little phrases he tended to use, his quirks. Most of all how he had been around you and how nice your moments together had been, not just because of the sex. All that stuck around in your head – and there was no use in denying the fact how much you truly missed him.

He didn't deserve to be cried over and yet it was exactly what you did. You couldn't bear the thought of him being all happy and pretending everything was fine, while it wasn't so easy for you – so you tried your hardest to avoid him at any given moment. It worked reasonably well: you always checked in with your sister on whether he was or would be around, and if she confirmed, you thought it best to not come home at all.

Because you didn't know what was worse: just seeing Stephen or seeing him all loving and happy with your sister.

As it happened to be, he seemed to avoid any opportunity of crossing your way as well, whether it was out of respect for you or because of his own pride.

He didn't come around the apartment often anymore. Your sister was downright annoyed how he seemed to never have time for coming for dinner, although he had always loved sharing meals with them.

You just ignored her rambling with a shrug.

You didn't want to think about Stephen Strange ever again, not another single second of your life. But everything revolved around the fact how desperately you missed him. You missed him hard. His presence, his cocky arrogant smiles, his playful teasing. You missed how right it felt to be with him, his loving kisses all over your skin, how keen he had always been to touch every inch of you, how it felt to have him inside of you. His smell, his voice, his... well, everything really.

You desperately tried to convince yourself how much you should not care, because neither did he. But it didn't work. Not in years would it have worked. The situation tormented you, because you cared immensely. Nothing was fine and everything sucked, but at least you didn't have to see him anymore. That was something, right?

Maybe, with time, your thoughts about him and feelings for him would pass, dissolve in the air, and you'd never worry a single moment in your life about that man ever again. Maybe.

Hitting the two month mark after ending the arrangement, your sister broke the sudden news to you. Two months ago you would have been happy to hear as it had been all you had wanted. But now your face fell and you didn't know what to feel when she told you that Stephen had abruptly ended the relationship.

She was understandably devastated, in the same way that you had been about letting him go, and although harvesting little compassion for her, you were still playing the good brother, at least giving her a hug and the consoling words 'He's not worth it then'.

How much of a bastard liar you were. Not just because you had endorsed Stephen cheating on her, with you no less. Not just because you pretended to care when you really had no empathy for her. But especially because what you were saying was a dirty lie.

You hated to admit it, even after all the resentment and anger and disappointment you had gone through, that he was worth it. That's why you had slept with him. That's why you had started to become so obsessed with him, wanted him, maybe even kind of fallen in love with him...

He wasn't easy, sure. He was a cheater and an asshole. You felt more than betrayed by him, his behavior and words having caused you to feel worthless. He had hurt you and you wanted to be way above putting yourself in a position of being hurt again.

But at the end of the day, you still clung onto his memory and longed to have him back, in the way you had him before and even more so in the ways you had never had him.

Silly you. As if that would ever happen.

.

It was a quiet Saturday evening.

You were in your room, sitting at your desk, typing away on your laptop like you so often did, when your phone display lightened up and grabbed your attention. Of course you decided to check it, thinking it might be one of your friends sending you either something important or maybe just a meme supposed to cheer you up.

But you couldn't have possibly been prepared for the disbelief that washed over you when you read the name. You blankly stared at it for a moment, thinking it was your silly mind playing a trick, but after double-checking - it was indeed him.

You had been foolish enough to never delete his number in the first place, not bothering to block it when you should have, and that's exactly how you ended up with his message on your phone, too weak to resist checking it altogether.

And thus, Stephen Strange returned to your life with a very subtle and surprising 'I'm in front of the complex waiting in my car. Will you please come down and see me?'

Your heart sunk. He could have written anything. An apology, a question, a plain approach like 'Hey' – but the message he had chosen to send was so direct you couldn't have possibly ignored it. He was here. He had come to see you.

A whole mess of feelings began surging through you. Confusion, resentment, disbelief, annoyance, though in some way hope was fluttering within you too, a giddy feeling, unmistakable excitement.

You should have ignored him. You should have let him sit and rot in his car, without ever giving him an answer, without ever talking to him ever again, make him swallow the bitter pill that you weren't so easy. That you wouldn't dance after his whistle and come back crawling to him in desperation. That he might never get you back.

You should have let him suffer the consequences of his behavior and continue to live with your own mistakes, in solitary.

But you didn't want to. After all, wasn't this what you had asked for, in a way? You had wanted him to choose you. You had wanted him and he was here now, requesting to talk to you, perhaps willing to make amends.

If you only heard him out, gave him a chance, perhaps it would ensure you the ending you had always desired. Maybe you could talk it out, find a middle ground. Even if you didn't and it was just another opportunity to see Stephen one more time, it might actually be worth it.

The wish of wanting to see him again was stronger than any resentment could have ever been, no matter how stupid it was. Seeing him was what you had to do. What you needed to do.

But you didn't want to seem too eager, deciding to test your luck and let him wait. See if he was willing to stay down in his car for longer than five minutes, without a definite answer whether you would come down or not. At least then you would know if he was truly serious about this.

Saving your document, you eventually shut your laptop. Your heart was beating faster by the second and your nerves were getting the worst of you. Was this actually worth the risk? Was he actually worth it or were you too blinded by your persisting feelings for the man?

You got dressed in another pair of pants and your favorite hoodie. The state of your hair was a mess, but you figured it didn't matter much. It wasn't like you were going on a date or had to look your best to get a point across.

Grabbing your keys, wallet and phone, you crossed the hall, aware you'd be passing your sister watching TV in the living room.

"I'll be out tonight", you spoke to her, "Don't know when I'll be back."

"Have fun", she turned her head and responded. A smile flitted across her face. She probably greeted the thought of you having a good time out, considering she had seen you miserable and mopey the last few weeks – in the same way that she had been, ever since her break-up.

If she only knew.

Slipping into your sneakers, you finally left the apartment, lingering on the stairs for another moment. It wasn't too late to turn back and put an end to this chapter in way that would ensure avoiding another heartbreak. Going down there would put you in a position of possibly being hurt again and were you really able to endure this another time?

You could have thought through every possible outcome of this situation for hours and it still wouldn't have changed the fact you had made your decision – in your head and most definitely in your heart. Taking another deep breath to brace yourself, you left the complex.

Out on the curb, you realized you didn't know what car to look for and checked the street. It didn't help it was fully packed with parked cars and it was dark outside already, save for the few street lamps scarcely illuminating the sidewalk. You pondered, searching the half-dark, guessing which car would fit a man like Stephen Strange.

But as it appeared to be, he must have noticed you leave the house long before. An engine was revved. Headlights further illuminated the sidewalk. A sign for you. You sighed when you noticed the car model. Of course, he drove a flashy car. As if Stephen Strange would have ever settled for something ordinary, something normal. No, he just had to drive a Lamborghini.

You walked up to it, checking the window to make sure it really was Stephen, but there was no way you could have mistaken him for someone else, his face illuminated by the interior lights.

He opened the door to you from the inside almost immediately. "Climb in", the voice you had missed so much eventually invited you in.

It felt odd to even get inside such a pricey car. Probably cost a hundred times your salary, if that was enough – and after all you had gone through, meeting each other again in the bounds of a car like this was not what you had imagined for yourself. But once you had pulled the door close behind you, actually being in the car made no difference to you though.

You were still facing Stephen and this situation alone would have been hard anywhere. Because he was here. Because he wanted to see you and you didn't know what it would mean.

"Thank you for coming", Stephen initiated conversation, cutting the engine again, so it was just the two of you sitting in the half-dark, his form barely illuminated by the streetlights falling into the car, "I was afraid you'd let me sit here and sour. I wasn't sure if I would have waited until the morning. Though I couldn't have blamed you. I would have deserved it. Being ignored by you, I mean."

"Yeah, maybe you would have", you sighed, not daring to even look him in the eye. You couldn't. Not yet. You had a feeling that he wasn't looking at you either. It was just the two of you and on your part you were feeling very small in these enormous leather seats, and a whole lot of tension between you. "But I'm here, am I not?"

"You are", he noted and it was when he spoke your name that convinced you to look at him, able to slightly make out his features and the lines of worry on his face, "Will you believe me when I say that I'm sorry?"

"That depends", you responded, one single thought popping into your head and bouncing back and forth: Forgive him and everything will be alright. But that would have been too easy. Things were never easy. You had to hear him out and decide then.

"If you tell me what exactly you're sorry for, I'll give it a try."

"For treating you the way I did. I handled it all wrong, and regret the way things happened... That I decided to keep a relationship I didn't really want, that I was so self-absorbed and never really...", he paused, bracing himself for the next words with a deep breath, admitting to his own faults, "I never really thought much about how you'd feel. As long as we were having sex, I didn't worry or think about anything else much, not until it was too late anyways. I am sorry for being so blind. I should have seen it meant more to you and knowing that, I should have never treated you the way I did."

"Did it ever mean anything to you? Like... was it ever more than just sex to you? At any point?"

It was perhaps the question that had tormented you the most, whether it had been as meaningless as you'd thought, just a bit of fooling around, or... more. It might not make any difference now or mend what had been broken. But you needed to know.

"In the beginning it was really just sex, that's why we made that arrangement, didn't we? We kept rolling with it, because... it just worked between us", Stephen began. You didn't really know what to expect to hear next, nor were you really decided about what you wanted to hear.

But as long as he'd be honest with you, you supposed you were willing to accept whatever he said.

"There was something special about you. I knew the first time I met you. And the second time, when I recognized you, realizing that you were my stranger... It changed everything", he went on. You couldn't help but think this was the first time he was being genuinely honest with you, allowing you to see deeper into the complex and usually closed-off man he was.

Though you wished he would have done that, well, two months ago, it was still better than never.

After hearing it all, perhaps then you could make up your mind whether it was too late or if there was perhaps still hope.

"I tried not to think about it so much. But then I got to know you better and I learned that you were kind, smart, adorably shy, a great cook... You had me hooked on your smile and tempted me with...just being you. It got harder and harder to stay away from you, to ignore the way my whole being was craving to be with you again. I could have gotten laid anywhere, but I didn't want to. I just lusted for you. There wasn't anyone else. Sure, your sister and that only for convenience. But it was you that I... you must think I'm so ridiculous, because I distanced myself from you – but it was you that I really desired."

"You could have. Had me. But when I told you about that, you dismissed me. Made me believe having the feelings was silly. You said that I wouldn't understand and you were right... I don't really get you. You seemed so indifferent and you pushed me away and yet you're here. I... I still don't get it."

"It's complicated... I avoid relationships for a good reason. I fuck up, because I'm clueless when it comes to them. Caring for another person... I think it overwhelms me", he admitted.

Could have fooled you. On a surface level he usually never displayed any kind of insecurity or doubt, with his level of confidence in himself, his carelessness and slightly more arrogant attitude. Stephen had never appeared like a man keen on big emotions. Honestly admitting to his own faults or sharing his worries, like he did with you right now, must have been a rarity.

"I dismissed you, because... because I didn't know what to do. I was scared of the thought to have you falling for me and not being able to live up to that. I realized a lot of things then, most of all that whatever we had was going to change...", Stephen went on.

"I felt like I was using you all of the sudden, which was never my intention. I always wanted it to be two-sided and consensual, but I didn't expect you to develop feelings. I dreaded the thought of hurting you. Which of course doesn't mean anything now, because I did hurt you and I can't take that back."

“You did hurt me”, you could only admit, “But I reckon that developing feelings for you was my own issue and certainly not your fault. I figured you had none for me and that's why you pushed me away. It sucked having to accept this was going to be how things would end. Now you're here though and I don't... I don't know how to process this.”

“I'm here because I am sorry. I wanted you to know I regret how things ended.”

"Is that also the reason why you broke up with her?”, the question blurted out of you.

"It's what I should have done in the first place. Before chasing after you. But I didn't care, as long as I got what I wanted. I really didn't care up to the point you addressed it, because it was never appeared as an issue to me until then...", Stephen mused, admitting to his own blindness. He hadn't known better and while that wasn't any kind of excuse, you weren't going to push him away. Not when he was already here for you.

“When you asked me why I kept staying with her... I don't know. I did like her, desire her, all that, it was good to show off a pretty girl on my arm, especially around the hospital. But I could have never loved her. It wasn't really fair to her either, huh? Pretending I was a great boyfriend while fucking around with you. After you told me to leave you alone... it wounded my ego quite a bit. But I think I needed that to make me reconsider things. I realized I'd much rather miss her than you. And now that I have broken up with her, I don't miss her much. All this time though, I've missed you."

A very pregnant pause followed.

You didn't know what to say, because that was a confession you hadn't quite expected. You understood what he was implying, but how much could you let his words truly mean to you? Could you let him wrap you around his finger like he hadn't hurt you, downright broken your heart? Because it would have been so easy for him to get you back like that, now that it suited him, now that he suddenly seemed to want you in this way.

But if you just gave him this, the benefit of doubt, the chance to prove himself to you... perhaps he would really live up to all he said. You wanted him to mean it. You wanted him so desperately. Your heart clenched as you looked at him, street lights barely revealing all of the features you had traced and kissed and adored all the same.

He spoke your name, pulling you out of your thoughts again. "I'm really sorry. It's stupid that I'm only realizing this now when I should have known better from the get go. You must think I'm such a asshole. And you wouldn't be wrong. I am. But I'm still hoping... even if it's stupid to hope you'll..."

"Forgive you?", you interrupted his rambling.

"Yeah. Yes, that."

"I don't know, Stephen. I don't know if I should."

"And I'd understand. Lord, I understand."

"I missed you too", you admitted to him then, a brash and quick confession, "And I've hated it. I hated you. I hated myself for not being able to stop wanting you. God help me. I've wanted you the first time you stepped into that hotel room. I've wanted you every other time you came to our apartment. And even now, I still want you. But I don't know if that's good enough. Or good at all. But... perhaps it would be worth figuring it out.”

“I know it's so much to ask for, to let me be in your life again just like that. You don't have to make your decision now. But even if you can never bring yourself to forgive me or allow yourself to want me... I wanted to make one last request”, he was very forward, like Stephen always used to be, “Will you come home with me today? Spend the night together?”

Your heart leaped wildly within the confines your chest – though you found yourself immediately considering what he was asking for. You didn't know whether he was requesting sex, just having you one last time, no matter how things would turn out. What you did know was that the idea wasn't offending nor repelling you.

"What will that entail?", you inquired anyways.

"Whatever you feel like.” A vague answer.

You decided to take the chance. "Food? I'm kind of hungry."

"Sure”, he agreed, “I could grab a bite. Haven't really been able to stomach anything before getting here."

"Am I gonna get an apartment tour?", was your second request, probably not what he had expected.

Yet he agreed with a shrug. "Sure, if you'd like. It's not that interesting though.”

“Well, you'd at least need to show me the bedroom”, you responded, deciding now was not the time to play coy. If that was your last chance at ever being intimate with Stephen, you were not going to pass on the chance, “That is, if you would you want to have sex?"

You weren't surprised he wasn't denying either. “Oh please, is that really a question you need to ask?” His answer put a smile to your lips.

“Good, because I haven't gotten any in weeks and I'm not sure I'll do well resisting you anyways”, you said then, unashamed to admit to your own truth. Maybe having sex would strangely resolve things you were too afraid to sort out right now.

“Likewise”, he hummed, reaching over to your side to search for your hand in the dark of the car, grasping it firmly in his. “There has never really been a moment I haven't wanted you. I'll have you if you'll have me. Even if it's just this once.”

"Stephen...", you murmured and since you were already looking at each other, it was an easy and quick decision. You leaned over the middle console, closing the distance between the two of you, and let your lips brush over his, the softest touch. It allowed you to embrace the idea this was actually happening. The two of you reunited. Kissing in Stephen's car, between you a quiet promise of so much more than you had initially bargained for.

It was so sweet. He didn't urge you on, responding with a gentle press of lips against yours, closing his hand around yours a little tighter. It was so innocent it made your heart flutter. During all the time you were allowed to have with him for the rest of today, perhaps it was fair to push aside all that had happened and just be in the moment, no matter what the future would entail.

"I wanna go home with you", you muttered against his lips then, before kissing him another time, never wanting a gap to persist between the two of you ever again. You felt him squeeze your hand in return, an assurance that he was feeling quite the same way: not ready to let you go anytime soon.

"Then let's get something to eat. My fridge is disastrously empty", he admitted to you after breaking apart. Where worry had been on his brow just minutes ago, you could now see the implications of a smile in the half-dark.

"No fancy restaurants though. I look a mess", you sighed, causing him to laugh.

"Don't worry. I'm more in the mood for a burger, some fries. Maybe a milkshake."

"Sounds perfect.” You paid him an honest smile, watching him turn towards the steering wheel and get ready to get started. “You're gonna drive this beast respecting all speed limits, yes?"

You eyed Stephen curiously as he revved up the engine again, the droning sound filling the relatively quiet street. You shortly wondered whether your sister would recognize the probably familiar and distinct sound of this car, but shook your head and quickly reminded yourself to stay in the moment. Now was not the time to think about your sister.

The Lambo's display lit up, grabbing your attention. "Okay, very fancy."

"Gonna drive by the rules, I promise", he agreed, backing out of the parking space and pulling the car onto the street. It looked so practiced. You couldn't have driven a car if your life depended on it, let alone this beast, but Stephen had perfected the skill of handling it.

He turned out to be a rapid driver (most definitely one that had gotten ticketed for speeding before), but overall seemed to stick to his word and tried to hold the speed limit, casually checking on you with a glance to his right. Checking if you were okay. Or, you imagined, checking if you were actually there.

You noticed he was steering the car into the drive-through of a fast food chain.

Even just sitting there, watching him drive, made you suddenly very aware of the fact that he was going to take you to his apartment, a place you had never been. You didn't even have a single clue where he lived, but sure were going to find out.

It was a little odd, wasn't it? That you had grabbed the opportunity by the neck so rapidly. Was it making you seem desperate to him? Or was he thinking about how weirdly unusual this situation was as well?

"Real fancy for a date", you hummed, but couldn't ignore how damn content you felt anyways.

"You can get a fancy dinner some other time, if you'd want", Stephen spoke, the clear implication of another actual date on his mind, though not allowing the pressure of needing you to agree to persist, "What do you wanna get?"

"Oh, a Classic Cheeseburger, large fries, and probably a strawberry milkshake, if they have that."

"Will do."

You patiently waited in the passenger's seat, watching him with patience as he ordered your food, picked it up from the drive-through window, and tipped the server rather graciously.

He carefully handed you the baggy and drinks. "If you spill, you owe me."

You chuckled at the notion, only guessing what he had in mind for owing him – probably something sexual, of course – and let him continue to drive in peace, noticing how he was heading towards a more pricey part of New York. Of course, he owned an apartment here. With a salary that was probably five digits, driving an expensive and flashy car, what else should you have expected?

There was a neat little car park below the building complex, where Stephen ended up parking. It was probably smart to have a designated spot like that, far-off from the public eye.

You were greeting the idea too, especially because people passing by, seeing someone like the renowned Doctor Stephen Strange going home with someone like you, would be no bother like this. Luckily, no neighbors in sight, you could head up the stairwell entirely unnoticed, just you and him and your food.

He lead the way and invited you into his apartment, and to be fair, you wouldn't have expected anything else from Stephen in means of decor either – sleek, expensive looking, straight out of a catalog honestly. He had so much space, which he probably didn't even need, and everything was just so... huge, especially the large windowpanes, allowing you to catch an impressive glimpse over New York.

It was a great view – still, you found your eyes rather tracking back to Stephen instead.

"Do you want dinner or the apartment tour first?", he asked, lingering, watching you, waiting.

"Food first. Always", you insisted. And even though it was only fast food, eaten out of the bag, slapped together burgers, greasy and soggy fries, two very sugary milkshakes, it suited you just fine.

You made a little bit of light conversation – during all the time your arrangement had been going, there had always been more sex than words involved. You had rarely simply sat together and talked. Maybe that's why this situation felt so substantially different to you.

You learned that Stephen mostly lived from take-out, wasn't very keen on cooking for himself, which didn't mean he couldn't – he just chose not to. As he was at the hospital most of the time anyways, he had gotten so used to purchasing meals elsewhere, mostly the hospital cafeteria and nearby restaurants. And well, for a fair amount of time, you'd been feeding him through by proxy.

He did give you a full tour of the apartment afterwards, as promised, all the way from the living room (where you had eaten), to the kitchen space (which you adored since it looked so perfect for cooking big meals), the bathroom (which literally had a shower you could sit in), a small study (a room that truly felt like Stephen's, displaying he was an avid collector of music records) and at last, the bedroom adjacent to it.

He once again admitted to loving your food, especially baked goodies – because he did have a sweet tooth, which was weirdly adorable to acknowledge. The confession alone made you want to cook and bake for him, as often and as much as he liked.

Some other day maybe.

Was it coincidental that he had chosen to show you this room last? You had requested him to show it to you after all, hadn't you? Was it time for that already? Maybe. Maybe not.

You could have asked him to simply take you back to the living room to talk some more and he probably would have been amenable, not wanting to ruin his chances with you. But once you found yourself standing in the middle of Stephen Strange's bedroom, looking at him and remembering how much you had been missing him the last months, how much it had hurt to let him go, how awful it had been to hear him dismiss you... how could you have not taken this opportunity?

Even if today was going to be the last time you ever did this, it would be all worth it.

Daring yourself to be bold – because he certainly wasn't being the bold one now, even though he had always liked taking the risks – you crossed the remaining distance between you two and wrapped your arms around his waist, craving to be embraced, hoping that he would return it with the same affection.

And he did, pulling you closer into him.

You tucked your head under his chin, letting it rest on his chest. In return, you felt him bury his face in your hair as he rested his head atop yours. And then he just held you, wrapped in his arms, one hand securely placed on your nape, the other on your midriff. You were melting into one another, not in the sexual way you were used to, but in this comforting manner. It was innocent. It made you feel whole.

There was no rush. No need to force anything. No point you had to get to.

"Smell so good", you hummed into his chest.

"Oh yeah?", he sounded amused.

"Mhh, I missed it", you admitted, "To be so close. I know I already said it, but I really did miss you a lot, Stephen."

You could hear him chuckle softly before he spoke your name, easing his grip around you as you stirred to look up at him again.

He was so handsome. All of his chiseled features, those high cheekbones, the prominent jawline, the curved lips turned into a smile. You loved the way his face always brightened up when he was at ease, lines of age visible but not overtaking. His eyes glistened as he looked down at you.

It was a little like the first time you had ever met – in mere minutes he had you mesmerized.

His looks had been impressive then, you still remembered the anticipation, not knowing what would happen, not knowing what he would do to you. You were in awe of his looks even now. How could you not be? There was anticipation too, especially as you noticed his tongue dart forward between his lips, the subtle downward glance to yours. Lord, the tension was thick.

This time you knew exactly what was going to happen.

Stephen leaned into you and you simply closed your eyes, welcoming whatever he decided to give.

His breath was ghosting over your face for a short moment, noses awkwardly bumping against each other, which made you smile. He wasn't intentionally winding you up, though it did cause even more tension to settle between you two. Your heart fluttered heavily and you breathed out a sigh when you felt his mouth brush over yours again, the whisper of a kiss, a gentle exploration. Innocent, intimate. Raw, honest.

It made you want to believe he meant it all.

He sank his lips onto yours more firmly then and you were perfectly pliant, greeting his kiss with a smile, parting your lips for him to get a taste. Picking up on your little signal, Stephen's hold on you tightened again as he claimed more of your mouth, swiping his tongue across your bottom lip. In return you opened your mouth further to him, trying to catch his lip between your teeth, grazing them over the tender flesh.

It made Stephen chuckle, your little attempt to playfully bite him and in some fortunate, though unexpected way urged him to deepen the kiss, passionately smashing your mouths together then. As if he were starving, he devoured you bit by bit, sliding his tongue against yours, encircling it, gentle strokes as he explored all of your mouth – and it was good, so fucking good that it had you cling onto his broad form, desiring him to give you more. Because you needed. Badly.

If he slipped away now, you weren't sure you'd survive. Neither would he though. Not by the way he was kissing you like he needed this more than oxygen, more than anything.

You both had to catch a deep breath somewhere in between kisses and so high on the ecstasy of just being able to have Stephen again, like this, you broke out into a chuckle, soon infecting the other man as well, once again revealing he looked so damn handsome when he laughed.

Stephen rose one hand to cup your cheek, caressing it gently, and you were grinning hard at him, being so affectionate. "Let me take care of you", he said, his gaze intense as it burned into you, "I wanna be good to you. I wanna prove to you that I meant everything I said earlier. I want you to know that I'm serious. If you let me."

"Yes", you agreed, nodding at him as his fingers gently trailed down your jawline, ever so slightly tilting your chin, not wanting you to avert your gaze again, "I want that too. I want you too."

You wouldn't, couldn't stop smiling and allowed him to pull you in another kiss, your mouths colliding once again, a whole wave of passion rolling over you.

He didn't pull you much closer, giving you just the perfect room to get your hands on his skin, sliding them under the sweater he was wearing. They landed on his waist first, though you were eager to let them trail further towards his stomach, the hard muscle tensing where you placed them flat against it.

He was so warm.

Willing to touch more of him, your hands skirted up the plane of his abdomen, seeking out his defined chest next. How did Stephen Strange have the audacity to be so damn hot, figuratively and literally?

Your brain short-circuited at the sudden moan that slipped past his lips, right into your kiss. There wasn't a more erotic, heavenly sound you could have imagined at the moment.

You craved to hear some more of it.

"Missed your touch so much", he groaned between open-mouthed kisses, insistent on putting his hands on you as well. You were forced to stay apart for a moment, eagerly trying to wrestle the sweater over his head – because while he looked good in any clothing, you preferred him even more without it.

You had to get a good look of him later, because before you had the chance to, he was keen on prying your hoodie off you, returning to the kiss with the same eagerness, chest to chest, heart to heart.

His hands on you were curious, mapping you out, from your shoulders to your arms, across the plane of your back, along the slight dip of your hips. Eventually he moved them to rest on the swell of your ass, squeezing the soft flesh lightly. "Hold onto me", he muttered, urging you to wrap your arms around his neck, clutching onto him as he pulled you up. You had most definitely underestimated his strength as he heaved you upwards, causing you to hop into his arms, legs coming round his midsection as he held you securely, hands placed under your behind.

It was fucking sexy, the way he didn't struggle to hold you in his arms, hungrily claiming more of your mouth, before beginning to walk through the room all while carrying you. You could have let him hold you and make out with you like this for ages, but were not disappointed in the slightest either as he moved towards the bed and sank you down again, toppling over with you.

Another shared laugh slipped in between kisses, your nose bumping his, the comfortable weight of his body pressing you to the bed. Warm excitement rippled through all of your being as he rolled his hips into yours. You tried to pull him closer, hands pawing at his back, feeling the hard warm muscle under you.

He was so responsive to your touches, small groans passing his lips when you dug your fingers a little harder into his skin, the needy buck of his hip as you wound your hand into his hair and gave it a firm tug.

He was aching for you, just like you were aching for him.

God, how you had missed him – his plush lips plundering yours, his taste, his smell, his warmth, his noises, the feeling of his body on top of yours. How he failed to be subtle in the slightest, the insatiable man that he was, grinding hard into you, somewhere between the states of wanting to give and needing to take.

You broke the kiss. "I don't wanna wait any longer today. I need you. Wanna feel you inside. Please, Stephen."

His ocean blue eyes darkened with lust as they flicked across your face again, a slight smirk crawled onto his lips. Of course, he enjoyed having you begging without even needing to do much for it. But his tone wasn't quite as dark with lust as he responded. It was gentle. "Anything you want", he hummed and bent to kiss the tip of your nose, the small display of affection making your heart clench. It made you want him even more.

"Can we do it slow today?", you requested, brushing through the hair on his nape, your other hand resting on his hip, "Not that I mind much however we have sex, I just think... I need to take it slow today."

"Yeah, sure", Stephen responded, only reluctantly pulling out of your hold to sit back up on his knees. His large hands quickly found their way to your thighs at first, followed by a gentle squeeze, fingers skirting along your pelvis up to the waistband of your pants, "Can I get this off you?"

"Definitely", you said eagerly, "If you strip as well."

"Your wish is my command." He chuckled softly, hooking his fingers underneath the waistband and freeing you from the last restraints, carefully shuffling your clothing down your hips as you helped him by wiggling and shifting your hips a bit.

"Could get used to this", you grinned back at him, feeling your face heat up while slowly revealing your naked form to him. Stephen had always managed to make you blush, that was no secret, but you usually weren't feeling so shy around him. Maybe it was all that time you hadn't been together or the fact that today was so different.

"I like undressing you. And if you're asking nicely for me to strip, who am I to refuse?", Stephen admitted, placing your bottoms aside, before his hands returned to your body, skirting up the length of your legs, rubbing small circles into the shins, the cap of your knee, the insides of your thighs, tickling you lightly, but stopping before going any further. God forbid, even his ministrations made you giggle – and helped you relax more, all naked in his presence.

"The sight has always been with me. From the first time on", he added.

"You're one to talk", you said, rolling your eyes at him, as if he weren't the one so annoyingly handsome and hard to forget. "Get out of your clothes, please?"

He gave you a knowing smirk, withdrawing his hands to reach for his belt buckle, seemingly in no rush to undo it, though ending up making quick work of his pants as a whole, shedding his underwear as well. It was a lovely sight, having him all naked.

If there was one thing to know about Stephen Strange, it was that he was rarely shy about the way he looked and that he took good care of himself that caused him to have a certain pride. His muscular thighs and long legs a delicious view to behold, though your eyes were a lot more drawn to the half-hard length resting between them.

"Pleased?", Stephen asked, returning to the bed and his designated spot between your legs.

"Very", you grinned, "Come give me a kiss, you hot bastard."

"Where would you liked to be kissed?", he responded with the same cunning grin, but not waiting for you to answer, bowing down low to press a kiss to your navel.

You had wanted him to press a kiss to your lips, but were not complaining as you watched him move on in adoration, his mouth peppering kisses all over your skin, fingers making their way along your thighs, keen on exploring the tender flesh and eventually reaching the apex of them.

A delicate gasp left your lips, small, barely audible. Your eyes fluttered shut, you jolted slightly at the feel of him alone. The skilled doctor's fingers never failed to awaken all kinds of feelings within you – most definitely a whole lot of arousal, hot excitement flashing inside your core as he brushed gently brushed through your folds, up to your little t-dick, quickly hardening at the attention.

"More, Stephen. Please", you huffed out and he did not disappoint, his breath trailing along the fine wisps of hair down to your crotch, before reaching your enlarged nub, ever so carefully sucking it between his lips. The hot and warm mouth on you made you nothing but ecstatic, incapable of believing your luck in this moment, and you dug your fingers a little harder into his scalp. You needed him to go on or you might just lose your mind.

Stephen was devoted to giving you pleasure in any kind, that you had known. He was simply insatiable as a lover, relentless, rough when he wanted to be, thorough and sweet when you asked him to. And at least for today, he was just yours.

Like so often before, you simply fell apart under Stephen. He was sucking on you, occasionally placing long broad licks all over you, little flicks around you that drove you crazy. His tongue worked as quick as efficient – and so did his fingers.

With his head buried between your legs, he kept you spread open, the thick pad of his thumb gently circling your hole, growing wet and needy at his ongoing teasing by the second. Enough to make you mad with lust, not quite enough to give you the pleasure you desired.

"Please, Stephen... your fingers... I need...", the words slipped out of your mouth, an incoherent babble, barely a request, but you didn't need to tell him twice.

Stephen was more of a dominant type, while you found it naturally easier to submit. But that didn't change the fact you knew exactly what you desired and how to get it, often enough having put your foot down and demanding he give into your pleas without a word of refusal. Sometimes he took and something he gave. Sometimes both at once.

Stephen's mouth was godly, his hands magic. He worked two fingers into you so easily, slender and long, sliding deep into your wetness, where you craved to feel him.

You arched into his touch, taking him to the knuckle, feeling him brush past the spot oh-so-sweet as he curled them inside of you, and the warm embrace his mouth had on your small cock, ever changing between hard sucks and skilled swipes of his tongue.

"Fuck, Stephen... you're driving me crazy", you whimpered, the combined suction on your most sensitive part and his fingers working over the perfect spot enough to make your thighs tremble already, pleasure building up too quickly.

It had been so long. Masturbation had never been as efficient, never would have been able to make yourself feel the way that Stephen accomplished, the thought of him and not being able to truly have him had tormented you anyways. But now... now you had it all.

All of Stephen, in his bed at his apartment. His mouth on you and his fingers deep within you. All of his attention on you, all of his affection for you, all of him belonging to you and all of you belonging to him. For as long as you'd decide to do this.

If you decided to forgive him, then it wouldn't only have to be tonight. There would be more chances, more opportunity, more of him and more of you together.

It didn't matter much that you had asked him to go slow, didn't matter his pace wasn't rushed at all, didn't matter he was going gently at it – there was something about him eating you out and fingering you at the same time managing to drive you to the edge all to quickly.

Overwhelmed with pleasure you were shaking, legs twitching, incapable of holding still, edging you further and further while you were so convinced it wasn't even possible to drag this out any further, tugging on his hair, mindlessly bucking your hips into him, chasing your own orgasm.

"You're gonna... gonna make me cum", you panted, squeezing your eyes shut, your desperate moans filling the room, "Gonna cum, Stephen... fuck, feels so good, feels so fucking good."

Your words continued to urge him on and Stephen did it perfectly, changing nothing, hitting the right spot with his fingers and circling your dick with his tongue in the way that made you absolutely feral. It was more than enough to pull you over the edge, all that tension coiling in your core suddenly releasing, pulsating and clenching around his fingers, pleasure surging through you and consuming all of you.

It was heavenly. Your mind went full blank, especially as he wouldn't stop lapping at you, causing you to squeeze your thighs shut, trapping him between them, hopefully not suffocating, still firmly grasping his hair. He made you squeal and squirm and lose yourself to complete ecstasy, until all of it ebbed away and you went entirely lax.

Only then did Stephen pull back, pressing a few more kisses to your thighs, chuckling lightly into your skin, clearly enjoying himself.

"Gorgeous", he hummed, pulling himself back up your body. You could feel his face close to yours by the warmth breath tickling your jaw. But good lord, you weren't sure how to function properly anymore, barely able to look at him, definitely not able to say something that would make sense.

You basked in this moment though, Stephen's warm body carefully resting half-atop you as he caressed your body all too gently, placing a kiss to your cheek.

"Are you doing okay, baby?" The term of endearment struck something deep within you, the smile on your lips must have looked so silly and droopy.

"You've officially murdered me", you huffed, hands searching something to hold onto and apparently finding his shoulders, "I'm literally pudding."

"You're ridiculous", Stephen chuckled softly, "I love to see you come apart for me."

You cracked one eye open, getting a glimpse of him looking at you rather fondly. His hard features had all softened while he observed you, his own cheeks a little heated, lips swollen red from his ministrations, but nevertheless entirely kissable.

"You're a menace", was your response and leaning into him, you claimed his mouth in another kiss. While you were still feeling the after effects of that mind-blowing orgasm, you weren't tired enough to stop wanting more of him.

He was still aroused, so you could feel, his hardness clearly poking your thighs. Not so subtly acknowledging this, you grinned, letting your hands skirt over the broad plane of his back, down to his firm ass, pressing upwards into him.

Stephen got the drift immediately, lips curling into a smile as well, and he began grinding into you again, even just the slightest friction of his cock sliding against you making him groan so sweetly.

You sucked his bottom lip between your teeth, before slightly pulling back to take a good look at him. Eyes blown dark with lust, cheeks red, small breaths passing between his lips, Stephen seemed positively flustered, his hair a damn right mess after his endeavors between your legs.

"I want you", you whispered to him, canting your hips into each movement of his, meeting his erection times and times again, "I want you so much."

"If you'd only know", he hummed, holding his body up with strong arms as he towered over you. A smile passed his lips. He spoke your name, bowing his head to gently rest your foreheads together. "You drive me crazy. I want to have you so bad", he admitted, voice low and smooth and sinfully hot. "Are you sure you can go again?"

"Yeah", you responded, digging your fingers into the firm muscle of his ass, sliding your bodies closer together, "And I'm afraid you might burst if I make you wait any longer."

"Have some faith in my self-control, will you?", he chuckled right back at you. It might have been a while, but Stephen was usually keen on drawing out the moment of being inside of you, lasting a fair amount of time. And it was what you had asked for anyways – slow and gentle, feel all of him, for as long as you could, right until the moment he'd come inside of you.

"I do", was all you said, stopping the movement of his hips as you reached between your bodies, both flush with heat, grabbing hold of his fully hardened length, throbbing in your hand with the silent request of being allowed to fill you.

You made sure to look at Stephen, keep his gaze, notice how he was holding his breath as you slid the tip of his cock over your own dick and then between your wet folds, guiding him to your entrance.

He let out a downright desperate little moan as you let him bury himself inside of you, carefully sliding into your wetness until he was to the hilt, allowing the moment to just be. You two just existed like this for a while, conjoined, him inside of you, feeling all, having all of each other, after going so long with missing this.

You locked your legs around him, keeping him in place, and brought your hands up to cup his face, smiling as you noticed the glimmer in his eyes. "Make love to me?", you requested.

Love. Whatever that entailed, whatever it meant to the two of you, whether it even was ever going to be that... During all your encounters, even the slow ones, it had always been just sex.

You had never thought anything else of it, not until it became a lot more meaningful sex, to you at least. But this, the way that Stephen was capable of making you feel, was so much more.

There was heart and soul and adoration and also lust in any of his movements, the way he checked on you between losing himself to pleasure occasionally.

He looked so handsome though, his eyes closed, brows a little furrowed as he concentrated on the sensations, lips parted, huffs of air and low groans leaving his throat. He felt perfect, like he had always done. His thrusts were slow, but nonetheless passionate, eager to fill all of you, drawing out the long strokes that drove you crazy.

"Stephen, you're so good. Feel so good", you whimpered, holding him close by his nape, needing him closer still.

"You do too, baby. So good", he murmured, brushing your mouths together again, tongue lazily tangling with yours as he kept this insanely good rhythm upright.

How did he always manage to make you feel this way, whole and complete? Every worry and sorrow brushed away, belonging to him in a way you had never belonged to anyone else.

You didn't want to belong to anyone else ever, just Stephen.

"You take my cock so well, babe", he muttered against your lips, sheathing himself within you again and again. You clenched around him, feeling the pulsating cock, a sensation you had hated to miss all that time, an action that made him feral.

"Fuck, I wanna fill you up so bad", he groaned, pulling out and sinking back in, with the same restraint, the same composure, keen on making this as slow as you had asked for, not giving into the need to fuck you harder.

"Missed you, Stephen", you whined, arms wrapped around him, hands splayed against his back, needing to pull him closer still, tilting your hips upwards in response to take him deeper, overwhelmed with a whole bunch of emotion as your body kept burning with pleasure, "Don't wanna miss you ever again."

His head sank into the crook of your neck, warm mouth brushing against your skin, rolling his hips into yours again. He only managed to speak words mangled with groans.

"Want you to be mine", you heard him say, a declaration spoken in the heat of the moment, but you couldn't help but feel as if he was meaning the truth. God, how badly you wanted to be his.

"M'yours", you whimpered right back at him, causing him to quicken his thrusts a little, though he was clearly not letting himself be overruled by passion. You sure were not going to last at this point, your whole core was throbbing and you were aching to cum, feel him cum inside of you as well.

"All yours, Stephen", you hummed again, sliding a hand between your bodies, searching for your enlarged t-dick, circling it with your fingers, adding to the pleasure.

"Gonna cum for me again, baby?", he growled, lips finding your pulse point, suckling on your neck as he kept rocking into you, every movement precise and deep.

"Oh god, yes", you moaned, working your hand faster as you felt your thighs trembling again, another upcoming orgasm consuming you as your thoughts seemed to entirely deconstruct.

You were coming apart, one of your hands searching to tug on his hair, pulling his head back up and crushing your mouths together, soon no more than a sloppy kiss shared between the two of you. Everything was so overwhelming, but there was an undoubted ease when you realized that you had Stephen. You had him right here, with you.

"I got you", he muttered in between kisses, the ongoing roll of his hips, his cock hitting these deep pleasure spots, causing you to reach your end. Bliss was washing over you. Stephen was all you could think about, all you could feel. Warmth and satisfaction burst through you in waves, momentary tension passed and you clung to him, still sliding into you, every other thrust of his drawing out more moans and sweet noises out of you.

"You're so gorgeous", he went on praising you, "My darling. I'm gonna cum. You want me to fill you up, yeah?"

You only whimpered, your words barely recognizable. "Y-yeah... come inside of me, please", you longed to feel him and he didn't disappoint. Rutting out his own pleasure, driving himself to the point of completion, he finished deep within you, coming so hard you could feel the ripple of his orgasm surge through his body, his warm cum spilling into you, his sweet and low groans ringing in your ears, mixed with the repetitive praise of your name and one little word - mine.

He called you his alone and like this, claiming your body completely, it was hard to deny how badly you wanted this to be the truth. You longed to be his, clinging onto his form as you kept him deep inside of you, embracing him. He was breathing so heavily you could feel it, brushing over your skin where his head had slumped against your shoulder.

Burying your nose in his hair, you wallowed in the moment and continued to hold him close.

You felt warm, whole. Stephen smelled so good and a little bit like home, your heart aching at the thought how you had missed it and most of all why you had to miss it in the first place.

Getting emotional after sex was nothing seldom, but you hadn't expected to feel your anxiety spike as well. A sudden rush of thoughts came up, reminding you of all the anguish and the pain of thinking you might never have this again, that he didn't want you the way you wanted him, that he would never choose you.

What if it didn't mean anything? What if Stephen was not serious about all this and just needed a way back to you, because he desired to have sex with you without wanting something more? What if this was all there was gonna be?

You couldn't bear the thought.

However, his words and tenderness and apology and his obvious need to have you again... all this gave you hope too. In the same desperate way you craved to have him physically, you were aching to just be with Stephen and want it all, with him. Right now, there wasn't anything you wanted more.

"We're having the sex of a lifetime and yet it's not enough to make you stop thinking", the rumble of his voice reached your ear. He rose his head to look at you, obvious worry on his brow, noticing that something was off.

"What's going on?"

"M'just processing all that's happened today", you admitted, reaching out to brush back some unruly hair that had fallen into his forehead, "And what it means for us."

"I don't need to ask what you want it to mean, do I?", Stephen hummed.

"Am I silly for hoping we have a chance?", you asked, vulnerability seeping through every fiber of your body, and your heart ached when Stephen paid you the most loving and gentle smile in return.

"Silly? Sometimes, yeah. But not for having these hopes", he assured you, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, "I'm not quite sure what this... what we could be. What will happen with us. But I would not have asked you to forgive me, or to come here with me, if I didn't want you back."

"I just... I don't want it to be just sex. You understand that?" You wanted to smile back at him, but your head was not going to let you rest, until you had definite assurance. Maybe it would have been fairer to enjoy the moment and talk about this the morning after... but you were not going to be able to sleep soundly and be content without knowing. You had to be sure.

"Yes", Stephen acknowledged with a nod, "I'm not a total idiot, you know?"

"Could have fooled me." Your lips did quirk into a smile then. "Do you think... that maybe you could want more than just the sex?"

"Mmh", he hummed, his eyes flicking over your face as he mustered your expression, his gaze crossing yours again, "Don't get me wrong. I really love having sex with you and I have been desperate to feel you again. But I can only repeat myself. I want all of you. I think this strongly implies wanting more."

"Okay, when did you turn into a romantic?"

"It will pass, don't worry", Stephen chuckled, "Tomorrow I'll be back to my asshole, arrogant self. Even then... please know that I will still want you all the same. But it's not gonna be a walk in the park. You know me.”

"I actually don't know you all that well", you mentioned, cupping his cheek, softly caressing it, "I've only gotten small glimpses of who you really are. I think today was the closest I've ever gotten to seeing the real you and I'd love to see more of it."

"What if you won't like it? Having sex with me was the easy part. Really knowing me... I'm gonna fuck up. I have fucked up already, haven't I? You do understand I'm definitely not beyond making mistakes, I am clueless, and I wouldn't blame you... I don't want you to..."

"Just do better then", you advised him, very firmly, “And we'll work it out?”

"You're seriously giving me a chance?"

"No, I'm just saying", you began, rolling your eyes at him, his complete denseness, the momentary surprise and consideration on his face, "Idiot. Of course I'm giving you a chance. I don't want this to be the last time. And you know how I feel about you.”

"This evening turned out in both our favors then", Stephen responded and you gladly obliged to him pressing another kiss to your lips, causing him to shift slightly on top of you. The slight movement made you wince, reminding you he was still sheathed inside of you and you were entirely oversensitive at this point.

"Yeah, right... let's get untangled, before you get even more uncomfortable", he decided then, noticing your discomfort and withdrawing from you, "Would you like a shower?"

He looked about as wonderful as ever. Skin glistening, muscles straining, so beautifully dotted with his moles, hair disheveled, eyes fixated on you as he sat up on the bed. There was these ease to him now too, his demeanor having shifted after pulling down the walls he had put up around himself. For you.

"God yes", you immediately agreed, a little sweaty and absolutely sticky. You felt debauched, filthy in the way you loved it, sensing his seed trickling out of you. It did however cause you to rather awkwardly press your legs together as you pushed yourself upwards.

Stephen extended a hand, wordlessly aiding you in getting out of bed, pulling you into his strong arms, apparently not quite ready to take his hands off you. He was radiating with some sort of glee which you had never seen on him before. Maybe he was content. Maybe he was genuinely happy. And honestly, you loved to see it on him.

"You wanna watch a movie afterwards?", he inquired, both of you in your naked entirety as you staggered over to the bathroom.

"I'm probably gonna fall asleep anyways", you had to admit, beginning to realize how desperately your body was craving some rest now. You'd gone through a whole roller coaster of emotions today and having mind-blowing sex had been the cherry on top. However, falling asleep in Stephen's arms during a movie did sound oddly inviting, so you couldn't deny.

"Wore you out, didn't I?", he chuckled, getting you settled in the shower before starting it, the warm spray raining down on the two of you, keeping his hold on you.

"That's what I signed up for", you shrugged and grinned up at him, enjoying the domesticity of showering together without sexual intent. It was wholesome, taking turns to care for the other, Stephen gently soaping up your hair and rinsing it afterwards, you using the opportunity to ease a bit of tension out of his back muscles in return.

Cleaned up nicely and entirely relaxed, you eventually found yourself curled up next to him on the couch, a protective arm draped around you while you rested your head against his chest, barely watching the movie you had decided on together, too busy with enjoying just to be with Stephen.

All of this was what you signed up for too when choosing to forgive him – to be the recipient of Stephen's gentleness, to see his genuine smile, to have him close and be comfortable with him, to have actual conversations and meals together and spend quality time with him in ways you had previously not been able to.

Who knew what the next months, weeks or even tomorrow would be like. Any kind of obstacles could be coming for you soon enough, but if the two of you managed to put an effort in facing them together, perhaps it would turn out just fine.

Not that it mattered right now. You thought about the future often enough and didn't want to find yourself trapped in the same spiral of over-thinking while getting to enjoy your time with Stephen.

For today, you allowed yourself to be happy and content.

[superlc529]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @esmealux ❤️❤️

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 29 works on AO3. I've been working on a new Lucifer fic for the past 2 years on and off (mostly off) and that'll be my 30th on the site. However, I do have 63 works on ff.net (29 of them are the same) from various fandoms.

What's your total AO3 word count? As of right now, I have a word count of 179,925 words on AO3. I know that total is sometimes some writers' word count for a single fic. ;)

What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, it's mainly Lucifer (and Supernatural). I've been writing fanfics since I was a sophomore in high school. On ff.net I have written for (in no particular order): Bewitched, The Big Bang Theory, Castle, Doctor Who, Forever, Heroes, Jimmy Neutron, Lucifer, Smallville, Supernatural, Timeless, and Will & Grace.

Top five fics by kudos:

The More Things Change... (Lucifer): 1,090 kudos

Been Down This Road Before (Supernatural): 621 kudos

A Unique Guilt Trip (Lucifer): 548 kudos

Trick-Or-Treating Revelations (Lucifer): 543 kudos

Thanks For Listening (Lucifer): 449 kudos

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to respond to every comment if I can... at least on AO3.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't actually write angsty endings. All my fics have happy endings actually. ❤️

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, wow. Since all my fics have happy endings, it's hard to choose just one... for the ones I wrote over a decade ago, honestly, I can't remember... LOL. Read them if you so choose and pick your own. ;)

Do you get hate on fics?

I would get hate on fics on ff.net but thankfully (not so far) on AO3. When I first started writing fanfics, I interpreted some helpful advice AS hate, but it really wasn't. Thankfully the response is mostly positive on my writing. Sometimes I'll still get some "hate" on ff.net, but I still feel an obligation to post there for consistency since I cross-posted since getting an AO3 account.

Do you write smut?

No. (But I read it).

Craziest crossover:

The only crossover I have written was a Castle & Forever crossover that can be found on ff.net and AO3 called Ties That Bind.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think somebody wanted to translate one of my older Smallville fics back in the day. Honestly, I can't remember which one or if it came to fruition.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not to my memory, but I used to beta all the time for Smallville. And I was a "consultant" on a fanfic on AO3 from a friend for a Forever and Quantum Leap crossover fic. Plus, I bounce ideas off with fandom friends in the Lucifer fanfiction world. ❤️

All time favorite ship?

Uhhhhhhhhhh... I can't say an all-time favorite ship because I love all of my ships equally. But I'll settle for my top two: Clois (Clark Kent and Lois Lane) and Deckerstar (Chloe Decker and Lucifer Morningstar).

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I've had a WIP for Sherlock/Sherlolly in my documents for quite a few years. It's a time travel one where Sherlock from post S4 gets sent back to the time between the end of S1 & beginning of S2. I don't think that one is ever gonna be finished to be honest. I never post fics until they're finished anyway, so at least there won't be anybody disappointed. ;)

What are your writing strengths?

I try to pride myself on the characters being written in-character - where the reader can actually picture the actor's expressions, mannerisms, etc - like they're watching an episode. Dialogue is definitely where I excel.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I really suck at descriptions. I'm not gonna lie. I have tried to work on setting the scene and character movements, etc but I still struggle with those factors.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I'm not really great at it. If the character is known to say words or phrases in another language, I might write it in a few times, but nothing that needs a long translation.

First fandom you wrote in?

Jimmy Neutron (on ff.net) when I was about 16 years old.

Favorite fic you've written?

I have a few, but honestly I'm more proud of my Lucifer stories and my one Supernatural story, so I'd have to go with a tie between my first ever Lucifer fic: The More Things Change... and my Supernatural fic: Been Down This Road Before. And right now the Lucifer fic I've been working on for 2 years is quickly becoming a favorite too. LOL. We'll see if people like it once I've finished it and started posting. ❤️

---------

Tagging a few of my fandom friends: @my-crazy-awesome-sox, @mightbeawriter, @wendeckerstart, @kaykat666, @thewollfgang and anyone else who wants to or feels inclined to do it! And to those that I tagged, please don't feel obliged to do it. Love oo!! ❤️

[wickedwitchofthewilds]

ao3 meme

I was tagged by @natsora

tagging: @roguelioness @thevikingwoman

[my ao3]

How many works do you have on AO3?

101

What’s your total word count?

1,076,771

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mile to go Before I Sleep (423 kudos)- A MEA longfic featuring Emma Ryder, a human/alien hybrid (I made them myself :3) and her adventures in Andromeda and budding romance with Jaal Wicked Games (229 kudos)- Astarion tries to seduce a motive out of Rhea but it doesn't go to plan Relieving Tension (185 kudos)- Sara tries to take on everything, and Jaal reminds her to slow down Keep Me (143 kudos)-During an ice storm, Circe finally reveals what she's been hiding from Gale Afternoon Pick Me Up (132 kudos)- Sara Ryder helps Kandros relax on his day off

Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

Most of the time, yes!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I Will Never Forget You. It's one of my earlier fics for Solavellan where Solas tracks down a Lavellan that has dementia and doesn't really remember him.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet. There's a ME/Alien and MEA/Alien: Isolation idea that's been sitting on the shelf for a long time

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not outright hate but I have gotten some not so nice comments and dealt with them accordingly

Do you write smut?

YES lol

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

It's so hard to pick an all time ship because my brain rotates them like a microwave. Right now my brain wormies are focused on Lucanis/Elauthin but tomorrow I might be back to Solas/Makenna/Raina or Astarion/Rhea or Emma/Jaal or...

What’s a WIP that you want to finish don’t think you ever will?

I don't want to say that I'll never finish a WIP because I'm always going to try until I can't. I suppose the original Blood Queen would count because I deleted that and I'm rewriting it (why am I like this)? I always start writing stuff with the intention of finishing it but between also working on my original work, my brain throwing ideas at me 25/8, and life beating me up when it feels like it, it may take me awhile.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and pacing. I've also gotten a lot of compliments on how I put a story together, and someone likened it to watching a chess match.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I sometimes struggle with visual details. Usually it's something I have to buff in editing though fanfiction gets minimal editing from me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I only do it for single words or phrases that I know or can ask someone I know about. I'm not great at learning languages (not for a lack of trying) and try not to embarrass myself

What’s the first fandom you wrote for?

Does Greek Mythology (a middle schoolers understanding of it) count? It was a vampire au with Ariadne, Dionysus, and Theseus. Thankfully, handwritten.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet, but want to?

Coral Island I think. I was going to say Stardew Valley, but I technically have written some things, I just haven't published them.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I love all of my fics but I'm going to choose Miles to go Before I sleep because it's the first I ever finished, I'm still proud of that to this day, and I miss Emma and Jaal.