#I have read and reread this in thing in the paranoia I have made a Mistake (TM) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kibblbread · 7 months ago

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Fuckity Fuck. This’ll be a long one girlies!

AK!Jason & Pizza gorl have an unconventional romantic relationship! I headcanon JT as disabled since he realistically should be. He’s canonically able bodied & can most definitely still kick some serious ass, but mentally, he’s absolutely spent. Suspension of disbelief for the sake of this being based on a literal video-game BUT also I want to world build in my little delulu arkham verse!

As always credit to my favorite fic writer @morverenmaybewrites because she made the pizza gorl fic 🤭🍕

Please read! If you have read it, reread it!

SLEEPING 😴💤

In my world these two basically obsessed with each other but PG is extremely accommodating to JT’s mental & physical traumas. She strongly encourages him to do what’s comfortable for him in their home, as she wants it to be a safe space for them both. Jason does his very best to accommodate PG as well as he possibly can to return the favor.

J prefers to sleep alone most nights.

He sleeps on the pullout couch a lot of the time don’t worry he’s not cramped because of his nightmares and general anxiety/paranoia. Despite it though, he still desires the presence of you constantly, it brings him an immense amount of comfort. The doors in the apartment normally stay open. Even during showers. He can hear you sketching, typing, reading, or even occasionally snoring depending on how quiet the night is. It’s the perfect white noise in his opinion! The gentle presence of a loved one goes a long way for JT, he doesn’t feel alone nor watched or out of place. It’s the epitome of a happy medium for him.

When you two are actually sleeping together, it’s usually really cold out. The bed is extra toasty with your XL heating pad and fluffy duvet. JT makes a habit of burying himself underneath the comforter and tucking himself into your embrace, he sleeps the heaviest on these nights. He rarely overheats. Typically these are dreamless nights for him. During the peak of Gothams harsh winter, Jason is the most consistent with sleeping in bed with the exception of a couple random nights he gets horrible night terrors. He just can’t get enough of the encompassing warmth 🤭 Not to mention it’s much harder for his mind to construct nightmares when all he’s thinking about is getting warm.

PG obviously prefers to sleep with her significant other most nights but makes it a point to respect his boundaries. As much as she wants Jason to be guilt free when sleeping alone, he still feels no better than a bag of shit when leaving her to her own devices nearly every night after all this time together; especially during holidays like valentines or something similar. To combat this they’ll usually do an activity together before sleeping—like reading aloud to one another or crocheting or even a coloring book.

COOKING/CLEANING 🫧🧽🧼

PG loves to eat but couldn’t be more indifferent to cooking, it’s not a hobby or particularly fun experience for her. She does it simply because Jason doesn’t like to mix things up when he cooks. Not because he doesn’t want to either, he’s just good at a handful of dishes and hasn’t ventured beyond them. They’re both average but PG is marginally better since she cooks more.

Jason’s skin looks considerably better due to him eating more homemade food. He’s not nearly as greasy now.

JT having someone hounding him to hydrate and eat on routine gives him more energy… he’s lowkey shocked at how much more energy he actually has. PG is indefinitely annoyed at his antics but continues to nag JT to keep up with himself. He usually returns the favor by doing most of the chores, he seems to get some enjoyment from cleaning. It’s so easy for him to focus while simultaneously not actually think about anything. Head completely empty… only the sound of himself scrubbing away at grime.

Pure peace.

Sometimes when Jason runs out of things to clean it will lead to him stressing out unnecessarily. Unfortunately, it’s the only activity that helps alleviate stress at a rapid rate. The second best self soothing method is counting down from 10 thousand in increments 7 or something akin to that. But it doesn’t work nearly as well though..

As helpful PG finds this behavior, they’re both brainstorming better measures for calming him down.

HYGIENE 🪥

Pizza can’t really go more than 24 without a shower, she hates smelling like greasy fast food! She has a lot of scented products that help get rid of the stench pretty effectively. Jason only uses them when he needs to erase the scent of blood, otherwise he opts for the simple cleansers and shampoos.

PG loves to feel just as pretty as she smells so her hoard of hygienic products is never lacking. Jason is still genuinely curious how any girl could need so many oils, body butters, & moisturizers. It’s never ending. JT never comments or judges his significant other on her affinity for skincare. Something that makes PG so clearly happy makes him happier too. Not to mention, Jason also reaps some small benefits from her extensive collection; although he usually just uses what Pizza seems to ignore the most, some of his smaller scars have evened out and much of his hyperpigmentation has lessened. Jason himself hasn’t noticed this development in the slightest, but PG most definitely has.

He’s very bashful when you compliment him and most of the time, Jason doesn’t believe you.. sometimes though, he can’t help but let his heart flutter at the directness of your attraction.

Every once in awhile, Jason will roll up his sleeves and ask you rub cream on his forearms. As tense and anxious JT will become while being touched, he wants to heal. He wants Joker to stop haunting him. Freedom is all Jason has ever wanted since the asylum. Becoming whole again is his ultimate goal; so he’ll sit through the discomfort, the self hatred and disgust of his mangled body, to exist as he sees fit. Not by what Joker had planned for him. PG doesn’t always do it as long as he’d like if she feels he’s on the verge of panic or an episode, but occasionally, Jason can beat personal records.

JT gets loads of praise from his partner either way.

Anything to do with prolonged touch is done in complete darkness 🙃 what kind of touch is up to y’alls discretion lol

#blurb #jason todd #jason todd x reader #jt <3 #arkham knight #red hood #ak!jason #jason peter todd #my baby boy 🥹🥰#arkhamverse #pizza girl x jason todd #pizzagorl

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joleneghoul · 2 years ago

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This is going to be less of an essay and more of a disorganized infodump where I just ramble about my favorite character Rip has a relationship with and that's Jeff Smith.

I actually find Jeff to be more important to Rip's entire story and character background than Booster. There will also be some mentions of Bonnie because the Rip, Jeff & Bonnie dynamic is pretty important.

Though partially that is because the erasure of Jeff is what has made Rip such a boring character to read within post 90s Booster Gold stuff.

Jeff Smith is probably one of my favorite characters nobody really knows about and comics forgot about (until recently, but I'll get to that).

To sum it up quickly, Jeff is Rip Hunter's partner in the broad sense of the term. He was Rip's mechanic, his best friend, his scientific other half, and even once a cowboy (howdy).

More under the cut because this info-dump got long!

Jeff was Rip's partner from Rip's first ever appearance in showcase #20 and stuck with him onward to the 90s. While the stories had Rip's name on them, Rip and Jeff were postured as more of a duo than otherwise.

Bonnie and her brother Corky were along for the story but not as front and center as Jeff and Rip, hell even the story starts with Rip telling them to stay home while him and Jeff test their time machine by going on a jaunt to the prehistoric together.

The time sphere was first and foremost a creation of Jeff and Rip's scientific and mechanical prowess put together. I find it more interesting this way than if Rip were some sort of solo genius.

Later within the Rip Hunter series from the 60s-70s Jeff Still plays the role of Rip's partner, even saving Rip's life multiple times over. A characteristic that is strengthened as time goes on with Jeff is that he is the more calculated and thoughtful one of the pair. This remains the case in the Time Masters 1991 series.

Jeff, much like everyone gets a redesign for this series and a bit more heft to his character motives/personality. This is a series (while not good) that follows a linear story line instead of a collection of adventures so it was needed. I honestly only reread issues of this series for Jeff because I like the way him and Rip's relationship is handled here, as it strengthens the fact that pushing others away can only hurt everyone involved and being alone can be worse than your fears.

He is introduced not only as Rip's partner but his best friend. According to Rip, Jeff is one of his only close friends on account of his obsessive personality. A lot of Rip's own characterization in my opinion mirrors someone who has OCD. His obsession becoming stopping what he saw the future became while in Booster Gold vol 1. Hell...Will Magnus tells him he's paranoid.

Specifically I think the relationship Rip has to his paranoia and fears vs the relationships he has with others is really interesting. This, while comes up with Rip's relationship to Bonnie, is shown mostly with his connection to Jeff.

Jeff throughout the series is the one to break through to Rip even as he pushes others away at everyone's expense. This is shown in the start when Jeff breaks Rip out of spiraling overthinking, bringing him back with his logical thinking. Then all the way to the end when Jeff comes up with the idea of how to fix the time sphere, while Rip was caught up in his own paranoia and had at that point pushed everyone else away or caused them to leave him.

ALSO Jeff has to tell Rip to trust BOOSTER, who in retrospect is Rip's father. I just find that interesting.

Now, I'm going to be talking about subtext which is just how I interpreted things not saying they were intentional but it's just what I picked up on. Also I have a lot to say about how Bonnie is treated I really hate it because she's so disrespected when shes supposed to be equals to Rip but- a rant for another time ig.

The relationship between Jeff, Bonnie, and Rip (and Cave but not really tbh) are at the forefront of the interpersonal drama. It's worth mentioning that every scene Bonnie has romantically with a man (like Jeff or Cave) is mirrored immediately with Jeff and Rip. Specifically usually when Bonnie struggling with her own relationships vs when Jeff and Rip are coming together.

There is when Jeff shows up to Rip's office in a green trench coat (not pictured in this panel bc he took it off) and sits on Rip's desk to tell him he'll be his partner. Then within the same issue Bonnie in her green trench coat trying to seduce Cave (who is HER scientific partner) by getting on his desk- but then getting rejected.

Then again when Jeff chooses to leave Bonnie (in bed) to go be with Rip VS the end of that issue when Rip solemnly makes the choice to leave Jeff (in bed) to go chase his own hubris. (later we see Bonnie make the choice to steal the time sphere and go live in the future and make her own life teaching people post nuclear war, thank god she didn't end up with any of these men after all that)

Also side note- When Jeff and Rip go to ancient Atlantis together that's practically the first time in issues we see either of them really happy since like, issue 2. The only thing that tips Rip off is once again when someone brings up his paranoia. Also they get these gay earrings.

Anyways at the end because Rip ends up alone, without Jeff who was his only close friend, Rip realizes that time changes everything and to not be so worried about the literal end of the world- and that hopefully in time even he can change and be a better person to others.

....WHICH I feel is totally ignored and thrown away later on when Rip returns as Boosters son and Jeff was erased from the picture entirely (Bonnie still managed some appearances in other media but Jeff did not- not even in lot so I've heard..which is odd because that was inspired BY time masters). Rip became characterized as the lone mysterious savant who always has a plan (or can easily figure one out).

Despite the reader knowing his secret that he is Booster's son, we do not tend to get to see much of their family relationship since Rip is more shown as a mentor than anything else. Otherwise Rip is used as a narrative device for stories to bring in a little time travel spice if Booster or that one treadmill isn't available.

I actually find the more interesting Booster and Rip interactions being the ones where Rip is shown to be overwhelmed, in the wrong, or confused instead of the "guy who knows everything". Sadly we don't get to see this often.

Jeff after over 30 years has come back to comics but not in a way I really like, he just doesn't feel like himself at all but neither does any of the time masters. We haven't seen him much yet but I'm just not excited because the reason we have this "loner" characterization of Rip still is because of the same writer who's bringing them back- and yet again its a case of "Rip is running around alone" "ah that's just Rip". Like I thought we went over why that's bad for him LOL.

Anyways I guess the moral of this infodump/rant is this:

FUN FACT TIME:

Jeff and Rip met at MIT where they were both top of their classes!

He is as smart as Rip who is classified officially as a super-genius.

Jeff according to the DC ttrpg books is as wealthy as Ted Kord was when he was still apart of Kord industries.

He also apparently has connections to the Metal Men and Magnus still while Rip does not.

#rip hunter #jeff smith #srry this is a mess im laying down w.o glasses and out of my mind #rip: hi me: WHERES THE REST OF YOU

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mostly-imagines · 2 days ago

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Hi, I've never really sent an ask on tumblr, so sorry if this is a little rambly. I want to start by saying I really love your writing, and you're honestly one of my favorite writings on this platform right now. I've only recently started using tumblr again, so I'm still getting used to the sort of etiquette and culture (if that makes sense). I tend to really only lurk because my account is one I've had since middle school, and I'm too sentimental to delete it or start a new one. I don't really know what my paranoia is with reblogging posts is, especially because any accounts that follow me are surely dead accounts from 15+ years ago, but I just don't really have the courage I guess? It sounds kind of dumb, but I guess I'm just really paranoid about my own online presence (or lack thereof).

However, I genuinely look forward to your posts each day, and I'm really sorry to hear that things have been kinda shitty for you lately. I was wondering if you'd let me follow your password-protected blog if I made a side blog just dedicated to reblogging stuff. I don't know if a totally new account reblogging your posts would be of value to you or interest you in any way, but I thought I'd ask because I've honestly found myself reading and rereading your stuff and want to support you in any way I can. It would also give me an excuse to reblog posts from other fantastic writers on this platform that I'd also like to support. But if that doesn't really interest you, I totally understand and will still appreciate whatever you might post on this account in the future. Thanks for fueling my interest in a franchise and characters I probably wouldn't have cared about a month ago with your amazing writing.

Wishing you all the best!

thank you so much for taking the time to send this i appreciate you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#hey morgan #💍

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apocalypticavolition · 1 year ago

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Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World! Chapter 31: Play for Your Supper

What's this, a picture of Josha being used in my reread of a book told almost exclusively from the POV of the character he portrays? Bizarre! What else is bizarre is just how much I love spoiling the whole damn Wheel of Time series, so if you're not into that sort of thing it's time for you to get out of here. Begone!

This chapter opens with the icon of a heron-marked blade. It's a little odd since the sword doesn't come up too much in this chapter, whose "climax" revolves around the gleemen equipment. However, it is discussed, and Rand does have some complex thoughts about Tam. Still though, one of the odder choices.

A sudden gust swirled road dust up around him, obscuring everything. He blinked and adjusted the plain, dark scarf across his nose and mouth. None too clean now, it made his face itch, but it kept him from inhaling dust with every breath. A farmer had given it to him, a long-faced man with grooves in his cheeks from worry.

Yes folks, we're in that section of the story, where Rand does a bizarre flashback sequence that doubles around on itself so circuitously that many people assumed there was some kind of editing error. Frankly, I feel like Jordan's wife was a little distracted this section myself. The good news is, Jordan never does anything this confusing again. The bad news is, there's no counterbalancing bad news for me to use in a "good news/bad news" sequence.

One of them casually swung his eyes toward the hedge as he went by the opening, and Rand bared an inch of his sword. Mat snarled silently like a cornered badger, squinting above his scarf. His hand was under his coat; he always clutched the dagger from Shadar Logoth when there was danger. Rand was no longer sure if it was to protect himself or to protect the ruby-hilted dagger. Of late Mat seemed to forget he had a bow, sometimes.

I'm sure the best thing to do in this situation is to not worry about it, Rand. Absolutely nothing bad could be happening with your friend who is descending into paranoia before your very eyes. Of course, you've descended into paranoia too, so I guess the warning signs are hard to spot when you're busy assuming every dude on the road is trying to kill you.

Most traveled in the same direction that they did, eastward toward Caemlyn. Sometimes they got a ride in a farmer’s wagon for a little distance, a mile, or five, but more often they walked. Men on horseback they avoided; when they spotted even one rider in the distance they scrambled off the road and hid until he was past. None ever wore a black cloak, and Rand did not really think a Fade would let them see him coming, but there was no point in taking chances.

The good news about Logain's being captured and toured through Caemlyn is that the road is way too busy for any Fades to be wandering freely on it. Things had to play out this way or Rand would have been shanked on the roadside six miles out of Whitebridge.

Even if you go into one of those houses Tam won’t be there. If he was, could you look him in the face? You know, now, don’t you? Except for little things like where you come from and who you are.

Is it just being adopted that you know, Rand, or are you finding it harder to deny the other obvious truths?

Between them they had enough coins for a few meals at an inn, but a bed for the night would take too much. Things cost more outside the Two Rivers, more this side of the Arinelle than in Baerlon. What money they had left had to be saved for an emergency.

As someone who found that living on the outskirts of the civilized world made things cost more, not less, I'm curious as to if this checks out more in the economies of the Third Age.

They stood like that in the middle of the road until Mat suddenly gave an uncomfortable shrug, and dropped his eyes to the road. “Who would I sell it to, Rand? A farmer would have to pay in chickens; we couldn’t buy a carriage with chickens. And if I even showed it in any village we’ve been through, they’d probably think we stole it. The Light knows what would happen then.”

The dagger's quite lucky to have ended up with someone as clever as Mat, because while he's obviously being compelled not to part with the dagger, I think the specific arguments he makes are by and large his own.

“He’s up to something, I tell you,” Mat said. “See the way he wouldn’t meet my eye? Why are they so friendly to a couple of wanderers they never laid eyes on before? Tell me that.”

And here Mat is being paranoid but he's entirely correct: this farmer is deliberately choosing to screw them over by having them work and then kicking them out anyway.

It could have been worse, he thought. Three days earlier, while they were still working, they’d had the dogs set on them. The dogs, and the farmer, and his two sons waving cudgels chased them out to the Caemlyn Road and half a mile down it before giving up. They had barely had time to snatch up their belongings and run. The farmer had carried a bow with a broad-head arrow nocked. “Don’t come back, hear!” he had shouted after them. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but don’t let me see your shifty eyes again!”

And this is a different farmer who also fucked them over for some reason. What the hell kind of glowers was Mat giving them? Or did they finally notice the sword and freak?

Perrin would know how to handle this, he thought. He’d make some offhand comment, and pretty soon she’d be laughing at his jokes instead of mooning around where her father can see.

Rand, have you met Perrin?

He could never handle the instrument without a pang of sadness. Touching its gold-and-silver scrollwork was like touching Thom’s memory. He never handled the harp except to see that it was safe and dry—Thom had always said the harp was beyond a farmboy’s clumsy hands—but whenever a farmer allowed them to stay, he always played one tune on the flute after supper. It was just a little something extra to pay the farmer, and maybe a way of keeping Thom’s memory fresh.

It's a damn shame Moiraine didn't leave you some kind of sweet memento before she went to go live with the elves. Maybe you would have found a different outlet for your grief than what you picked. Also, the reference to the harp is a nice touch that will pay off next book when Thom is pissed that Rand ruined the strings.

“I think they should have a reward, father,” Mistress Grinwell said as she picked up her youngest boy, who had long since fallen asleep in front of the fire. “The barn is no fit place to sleep. They can sleep in Else’s room tonight, and she will sleep with me.” Else grimaced. She was careful to keep her head down, but Rand saw it. He thought her mother did, too. Master Grinwell nodded. “Yes, yes, much better than the barn. If you don’t mind sleeping two to a bed, that is.”

Mistress Grinwell is quite clever about handling her horny little daughter.

Rand and Mat are actually probably quite happy to avoid having a young lady drop into the barn in the night. They'd probably have panic attacks from the Trolloc memories alone.

Historically speaking, sleeping two a bed while traveling was quite common, so it's interesting that Grinwell thinks they might not like the concept. Sure it's probably just Jordan being a 20th century dude with 20th century norms, but I'll treat it as another subtle sign of the slow population drop that's been creeping up on society: much as the Emond's Field inn is far larger than it needs to be, all over the subcontinent is a surplus of furniture.

If there was more than one inn in a village, the innkeepers would bid for them once they heard Rand’s flute and saw Mat juggle. Together they still did not come close to a gleeman, but they were more than most villages saw in a year.

Okay, I was able to explain Whitebridge's gleeman enthusiasm, but this is too far. These people live on a well-traveled road between the capital city of Caemlyn and the major city of Whitebridge. They probably shouldn't be swarming with traveling entertainers, but they should do well enough. Where Emond's Field hiring a single performer for a holiday was a once-a-decade deal, these people should be pulling them frequently.

Ah well. Little details like this are some of the hardest worldbuilding to keep straight. Can't expect Jordan to be perfect if I'm not even going to read more than one chapter at a time - and we're at the end of this one. See ya next time for Four Kings!

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #mat cauthon

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kybelles · 5 months ago

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Hi, I've just reread Bells for Him for like the 7th time, but I just had this question: would Laurent really have stayed with Damen if it turned out that he had actually been unfaithful? From what I've read, I'd say yes, because he didn't confront him right away, but took out all his rage on Sybilla. Another question is whether you have anything in mind about Theomedes' past with Damen's maternal family. I thought that was an interesting scoop, I would just like to know a bit more about the hc. Damen's grandfather trying to take his grandson away and telling Theomedes to just give him his custiody because he already has another son? Very brave of him hahaha Also "No one knows what exactly happened between them for sure but they say they have never seen Theomedes-exalted more furious. Thus, he forbade all of us from stepping into Ios again." I'd definitely like to know more about that other than just palace rumours - will Lysander have met/carried his grandson at least once? :,)

HI LOVE ❤️❤️first of all i just want to say i'm BEYOND flattered that you read bfh multiple times 🥹 from the bottom of my heart thank you so much!! as for your questions:

laurent would definitely stay with damen even if he actually cheated on him 💔💔 thankfully damen would NEVER but yes that is the sad reality i envisioned for laurent. i actually received a couple of comments expressing surprise bc of how laurent didn't blow up on damen but to me his paranoia over potentially losing damen (since in his mind damen already left him once and can easily do it again) overcame any bitterness he felt upon finding out the love of his life cheated on him. well, not really cause eventually his inner turmoil was so great that his body went into the crisis mode. (eczema) but yes, that's why all of his ire had to go to the poor sibylla and nik because to him, separating from damen after everything he had to endure is simply out of the question, no matter how much hurt and humiliated he feels. (which is definitely fucked up) for example if damen never confronted him about his behavior laurent would simply bury his feelings even deeper and count the days until they could leave ios and then pretend like none of this ever happened. :/

OHHH HOW I WANTED TO EXPLAIN WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED BETWEEN THEO AND EGERIA'S DAD 😭😭 but since sibylla wasn't even born during that time (and that the whole thing was kept a secret from the whole family apart from maybe a few sons of lysander) i couldn't! so thank you for allowing me to ramble!! sooo, as i already explained in the fic egeria was basically the apple of lysander's eye (being the youngest and also his only daughter) so when egeria died in childbirth he sorta went mad with grief and accused theomedes of murdering his daughter and said he "owed" egeria's son to their family. theoemedes, already feeling extremely guilty over egeria's death (he kept impregnating egeria for a legitimate heir even after she miscarried multiple times) became FURIOUS over lysander's words. there were probably some other incredibly awful remarks they each made (lysander saying gods made a mistake by putting theomedes' line on the akielon throne and he was a failure just like his father and grandfather) before theomedes decided to punish lysander and his clan by banishing them.... and not long after lysander died as well :( (a mix of old age and sadness i'd say)

#thank you thank you THANK YOU for your lovely questions 💗💗 sending you ten thousand kisses!#asks

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oleander-nin · 1 year ago

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I may have just spam reread TWoaL because I forgot to read a few of the parts and I jsut gotta say

Y/N is a touch of the Not Smart/j if they were a cat they would be orange/j

Immediately forgets all about the anxiety n such jsut because. The letter was sweet. Nothing about it appearing the day they come back- they were worried then they immediately dropped it cuz it was short n sweet. But sad thing is that i'd PROBABLY DO THE SAME THING TBH-

Lol yeah. Too be fair, they also had Irma calming them down at the same time, so that might've helped. I didn't convey it very well because I wrote it at 4am and was falling asleep at my computer. Oops.

This is also a testament to my own experience w/ paranoia and such. I don't have anxiety, and I don't claim to, but I get panic attacks quite often. I don't like calling them that because it feels like I'm pretending to have something I don't, but my friend says that's what they are so idk. Anyways, one of the ways my friend found to get me out of the stage right before an attack was to quickly distract me with something that made me happy. This would help calm me down and make me less jittery. The letters made Y/n happy, so Irma squashed the fears surrounding them and gave Y/n the sense of comfort surrounding the letters back. Irma was just trying to return Y/n to a state where they wouldn't dip school and fall too deep into their own 'delusions', and do so quickly without thinking too hard about the logic of it.

So yeah, we'd both probbles be doing the same thing😅

#asks <3 #you have no idea how happy I was to see an ask about twoal #I almost cried #this makes me so happy #i love writing this #and to think you guys actually enjoy it #im sobbing #i don't deserve any of you guys #i love you anon #<3

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best-fictional-cat · 2 years ago

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Agreed with the last anon about Bluestar and her paranoia. I also think a lot of people are getting way too serious about a haha funny which fictional cat is best poll, but yeah—I think a lot of the arguments against Bluestar as a character are very rooted in ableism and ignoring all of the trauma and suffering she endured throughout her life. I will concede that the argument that she abandoned her kits has merit as a valid point against her—because the death of Mosskit was a tragedy that could have been avoided—but that was an accident, and Bluestar doesn’t deserve the blame for something she couldn’t have foreseen. She was driven to make that decision by something greater than herself—the prophecy foretold it, after all. And her two living kits, Mistykit and Stonekit, both grew up to be happy in RiverClan without ever knowing their real mother until the very end.

But the argument that Bluestar’s paranoia makes her an inherently bad person just… really rubs me the wrong way. It gives me a bad feeling that some people weren’t able to think critically about her paranoia arc, because that’s literally WHAT IT WAS THERE FOR. Bluestar is one of the best examples of PPD/paranoid schizophrenic representation I’ve ever seen in any form of media. I have never experienced psychosis myself, so I wouldn’t know what it’s like, but learning about it through her taught me so much about how to sympathize with and understand the struggles of people who do. It truly makes me a bit sick to think that there are people who read the same books I did and all of the nuance of her character flew right over their heads.

Bluestar always loved her Clan above all else, and she always loved Fireheart (as a son and trusted friend) because he was there for her and trusted her judgment when nobody else believed in her, and she loved her kits—who, in the end, accepted her for who she really was (their mother) despite all of her flaws and past transgressions. She may not have always made the right decisions, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t do the right thing when it counted.

Ok, wow. I am sorry. I said I wouldn’t get serious about the funny cat poll but here I am being serious about it. I think I’m due for a reread…

(Thanks for making this poll btw, OP! You’re awesome :))

How does this book series raise more and bigger issues than so many of actual "adult" literature holy

#cartoons are not just dumb shit for kids #there are things grown-ups can learn from children literature too #case to the and points #gotta be real with you guys #getting really invested into all this warrior cats discourse was not on my to-do list but I'm glad to be here #cat propaganda #cat asks #warrior cats

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rosethornewrites · 8 months ago

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T & G reading since 3/18

I was going to wait a few more days to post but it’s getting too long.

Finished

Teen:

Everything Is Solved With Soup (And Poison), by Love_Psycho (reread)

Waking up from a nightmare – that may or may not just be a nightmare – Jiang Yanli decides she needs to stop that nightmare from becoming reality.

What Is Holding Is Also Being Held, by curiositea

“Congratulations,” Song Lan says with a grin that can only be described as ‘shit-eating’. “You’re haunted.”

“What.” Lan Zhan and Wei Ying say simultaneously, one sounding significantly less excited than the other. Honestly Lan Zhan, Wei Ying thinks, how can you not be ecstatic?!

—

Or, Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are haunted by the powerful and lasting echoes of their past lives and maybe, just maybe, it’s fate.

(Halloween/Wei Ying’s birthday prompt from the fantastic @/wwxwashere on twitter: wangxian are haunted.)

The Best Soup in the World, by Nyatci (reread)

Lan Wangji wakes to his husband missing from their bed. He happens to find him in the kitchens, peeling lotus roots.

Possible Works 3 - What If Number 4, by Hauntcats

Things go differently at the Yiling Supervisory office when Wen Chao shows up early.

Possible Works 4 - Tunnel Vision, by Hauntcats

A night hunt turns interesting.

Stop, In the Name of Love, by weenakohi2 (🔒)

Artist/art teacher in training/volunteer crossing guard-Wei Ying saves A-Yuan from a road accident and gets hurt in the process. Lan Zhan and A-Yuan insist on taking him out as thanks. One things leads to another leads to domestic bliss.

General:

The Greed is the Unraveling, by nirejseki (4 chapters)

“Don’t cough blood on me,” Lan Qiren said, voice as prim and proper as it had ever been.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Wen Ruohan replied, teeth clenched and brow furrowed as he fought off the pain. Blood leaked out from the corner of his mouth despite his words. “I suppose the stain of red on white is terribly hard to get out.”

His tone was bitter, angry, and he was probably making some sort of very clever metaphorical point, given the Lan sect’s white robes and Wen sect’s emblem of red and white.

But -

(Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian said. Do you think we made it - worse?)

(no one else can) take me there, by azurewaxwing

In his recent article in Contemporary Theories of Cultivation, Lan (2019) sets out to study the correlation between instrument choice and outcomes in the liberation of spirits. While his main thesis appears sound, his decision to limit the study to the qin, dizi, xiao and pipa undermines his conclusions.

This decision falls prey to the fallacy that tradition cannot be questioned. It ignores, too, the fact that many practising cultivators will encounter spirits that will have no exposure to such “expectations.” In a small study comparing the use of a dizi with a theremin—undoubtedly a non-traditional choice—the theremin produced optimal outcomes in liberating spirits where: time since death was less than 6 months; spirit was younger than 25 and older than 17 at time of death; or spirit motivation included aspects of revenge. The conclusions reached in Lan (2019), while providing a foundation for future study, are therefore as yet incomplete.

Mo Xuanyu

Cultivation Studies, Center for East Asian Studies, Stanford University

Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and musical cultivation: a love story, told through academic articles, emails, texts, and videos.

just like glass, by sunflowersfield (🔒, 2 chapters)

Lan Zhan is grateful. Gratitude is a feeling that he can appreciate because it is not like the inky black guilt that runs hot through his veins. It is not like the dizzying paranoia that burns bright behind his eyes. His gratitude for Wei Ying glows like a flickering candle, and he hopes he can keep it alive.

Butterfly, by dragongirlG (🔒)

Lan Sizhui’s eyes widen. “Is it your birthday?” he asks, panic creeping into his tone. It occurs to him that he’s never asked about birthdays—Ning-shushu’s, his parents’, his sister’s—

“A-Yuan,” says Ning-shushu, his voice softer than normal, “it’s yours.”

Lan Sizhui blinks, stunned. “What?”

Lan Sizhui receives some unexpected gifts when he makes a visit to Wen Ning.

A reflection on family history, familial bonds, and identity written for Lan Sizhui's birthday.

Warmth in Winter, by rhysiana

Lan Wangji watches Wei Wuxian spend his first winter in Cloud Recesses.

(a song) greeting the dawn, by LadyKG (🔒, 2 chapters)

With a laugh he threw himself back over the seal painted on the floor, a hysterical bubble in his chest popping as he dug his hands into his hair. Of all the times to be sent back to. Of all the places he could have ended up. Why did it have to be now?

Unfinished

Teen:

Inchoate, by Marinelifeclub

“Where would you even go once you left? Wait a few more years before leaving." persuaded Jiang Fengmian,

“Will I live to see that long?” Wei Wuxian whispered under his breath.

Jiang Fengmian felt cold at those words. He always thought his children would be the ones to heal the scars left by their mother on Wei Wuxian, but just the concise way he spoke about them, he knows that wasn’t true. Now his best friend’s son sat in front of him, confessing to not thinking he will live to see himself become a man. Cangse and Changze must be furious in their graves as the sweet smiling son they raised endured pain because of a jealous woman and a cowardly man. Sighing, he did the only thing he could to make things right and accepted the boy’s wishes.

At age 14, Wei Wuxian left Lotus Pier and never looked back.

Wei Wuxian leaves Lotus Pier and while things change something’s are just set in fate.

Rabbit Charm, by aoeros (🔒)

“You gotta promise me that when you’re back home and settled in, I’ll be the first you come to see. Because I’m going to miss you more than anyone else will, Lán Zhàn. Except your brother, of course.”

“Of course. I promise to come find you first after I’ve settled back in.”

“Great! Then I promise to call you whenever I can. And, I will definitely not forget you.”

until only the mountain remains, by idleorbitals

Sizhui had asked why he wore it, and Lan Wangji had said something about restraint that sounded mysterious and grand, and Wei Wuxian had said it’s a no-fun ribbon. Once you put it on, you have to promise not to have any fun, and Lan Wangji had said Wei Ying, in that voice he had.

Can I have one? Sizhui had asked, and Lan Wangji had looked strange and fond, and Wei Wuxian had said, does no one listen to me around here?

- - -

The one where the Burial Mounds timeline gets expanded and Sizhui grows up a Wen.

Echoes, by LadyCrowned

Wei Wuxian heartbreak was so deep that broke time itself. Now, back in his youth, maybe this time around he can set the things right... But, how to change anything without knowing you have the chance to do it?

Your soul remembers what matters the most, even if your memory can't.

Something Warm and Safe, by Winxhelina

"Rich-gege!" A-Yuan exclaims happily.

"You can't call him that," Wei Wuxian admonishes gently. He puts an arm around Lan Wangji just as his knees give out, "Hey! I'm holding a child, you can't pass out on me like that. Oh. Oh, your back is covered in blood. Is that - is that your blood, Lan Zhan?!"

"Mn."

"Oh. Oh, you're bleeding a lot! Hold on! I'm putting A-Yuan down. A-Yuan, walk on your own for a bit. Can you also hold the basket for me? You're so mature and responsible! Okay, Lan Zhan, stay with me. I've got you."

"Is Rich-gege hurt?"

Lan Wangji doesn't hear the rest of that conversation.

In which Granny Wen manages to convince Wei Wuxian to take A-Yuan and hide away from the world. Lan Wangji manages to find them.

Shed Their Blood And Sealed Your Fate, by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)

The end scene at Guanyin Temple goes a bit differently...

General:

Pulled Against the Grain, by youleeyeah

“We found him walking injured just outside the Jingshi. He said-” Sizhui paused for a moment and then lowered his voice before continuing, “he said it was Young Master Jin who did this.” The boy couldn't look into Lan Wangji’s eyes as he spoke and turned his head to the side.

“You know,” Wei Wuxian started again after the pain subsided a tiny amount, “if I had my old body, I could've had intestines falling out of my gut and I’d still be able to fight for a few more hours.”

Lan Wangji furrowed his brows.

He has heard this before.

-----

Wei Wuxian wakes up in Gusu with a fresh stab wound he claimed was caused by Jin Ling. Lan Wangji is confused because the last time that happened was three years ago. Something is wrong with Wei Wuxian.

he, who died, is ignorant, by Maxciel_99

Jiang Cheng is thirteen when his eyes lose the shine that has always mirrored Wei Wuxian’s wild spirit. And then no longer is he a shadow of anyone but merely a shell of himself.

Here is a man who is served the world, for once, but he has turned a boy who finally stops wishing and wanting all at once.

Or basically, JC time travels but it's not your typical time travel fix-it.

By the River I Sat Down and Wept, by naolbedo

Wei Wuxian, while in the burial mounds, kept a small paper scroll. It is in this scroll that he filled his happiest memories.

When he eventually passes away and Lan Wangji arrives at the burial mounds, he finds only A-Yuan, clutching onto a qiankun pouch close to his heart as though he was holding on to the flickering warmth that once graced the burial mounds.

When the Hills Are All Flat, and the Rivers Run Dry, by stiltonbasket

Wei Wuxian feels her blood run cold.

Yu-ayi’s right. He really is going to choose me, she thinks. Oh, no. Oh, good Heavens, no!

She nearly bursts into tears on the spot; but just as her eyelids begin to sting, she remembers what her aunt said only two minutes earlier and breathes a sigh of relief.

The moment Huangshang lays eyes on you, he will know what choice to make.

In that moment, Wei Wuxian realizes that she can only be certain of evading the Empress’s throne if she ensures that the emperor never lays eyes on her at all.

Or: in the second year of his reign, Emperor Lan Wangji yields to the wishes of his ministers and holds a bride selection to find his future empress.

#the untamed #mo dao zu shi #cql #chen qing ling #mdzs #untamed fanfiction

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bye-bye-firefly · 1 year ago

Note

So I finished House of Leaves! It was weird. Like an Experience. I think I’m gonna reread it sometime, it feels like a good rereading book. The formatting was really cool. I really liked it when the pages would go like all over the place. Or when there would only be like a few sentences or something on the pages.

The part where the words like get all cramped and then just get even more cramped like the little passageway Navidson is climbing through was so much fun! And like I loved it when the book would make you start turning the book around to read the words. Like it made such a cool atmosphere?? And during that section where it lists a bunch of buildings and names and then they go away but the section with materials is still there but then that goes black and there’s just this empty space??? It kept making such an awesome atmospheree, soooo cooolllll!!

Also, while reading the building list I discovered that there’s this building called House House, I thought that was silly, it made me giggle. And the highlighted text! The House is always popping out at youu. The house is blue and blue is the house! And the Minotaur is red! Very fun. And the little checkmark that’s in the corner of that pageee. That is such an awesome detail! The mom’s letters were very rhghhhg, I really just wanted to give her a cookie or a hug or something.

(That last letter took a really long time to decode. I know I have no one but myself to blame since someone has probably posted it online and I didn’t need to decode it but like, the relief when it was over).

I also felt pretty bad for Johnny, like, I wasn’t a fan of his personality but his life sucked really hard and then the way he just spiraled was so horrifying. The sections that were just his monologuing were so shivery, the paranoia and the self-isolation and the Fear mmhjkhfhj.

I also really liked the Navidson Record stuff! The house was very creepy! It reminded me of the houses in Nameless. The darkness descriptions were very and the way the hallways would just bend and disappear but the way they talked about it made it sound like such a place. 10/10 stars on airbnb

(Sorry about how awkward the spaces between sections probably are, I had originally just written everything as one big wall of text and then I was like “I should probably break this up”)

THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL!!!! i love showing people the book or recommending it and then of course the first thing you get to hear about is. Thumper. and. Well. Johnny's. Deal. but i feel the same way about him like hes not a good guy to hang around and i would hate to have to hang out with him but man. his upbringing was fuckin rough. but of course the highlight of the entire story is being able to dive into the houses and the analysis that zampano provides in his essay. but also like i need a book that fucks with you typographically. i need MORE of this you know the way it spirals around the way the words are highlighted or crossed out or bolded the way it forces you to read faster and faster as you flip the pages and it makes you BREATHE faster like the corridor becomes more cramped as time goes on until there is just ONE WORD to each page and you are flipping BANG BANG BANG ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!! I need to be fucked with. Typographically

im really glad you liked it because this is like one of my favourite books of all time. i think the order goes like. the stand by stephen king -> house of leaves by mark z danielewski -> sorrow and bliss by meg mason if i am to just give my top 3. and then after that it gets harder to sort all of them. if it weren't for house of leaves AND JACOB GELLER A LOT JACOB GELLER then i dont think nameless would've ever been published. we would've gotten a murder mystery fic like it was meant to be and idk if i would have as much fun with that but im sure i would figure out a way. i always do

#fae's asks

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pearl-neo · 2 years ago

Text

writing log 1.

‹ last updated: 22nd of December, 2022 ›

» title: paranoia

» category: one-shot

» genre: contemporary / psychological thriller / suspense / mystery / angst

» cast: johnny⬩jaehyun⬩mark⬩reader's sister

» pairings: johnny + reader ⬩ jaehyun + reader's sister

⚘ pitch/synopsis: After a year spent living as a shut-in, you finally agree to go on a drive with your sister. When a storm steers your plan off course, you find yourselves brought closer to two charming strangers—but an unsettling tension lingers in your mind.

» warnings so far: anxiety; agoraphobia; implications of depression; ongoing feelings of helplessness and general discomfort and self-doubt; mental breakdown; minor violence; character death

» word count update: 13,644

» cover photo? complete ✓

⚘ Read on Tumblr | ⚘ on AO3 | ⚘ on Wattpad

⚘ thoughts & ramblings + updates:

‹ NOV 8 ›This is my first time attempting to write a fanfic, my first time working on a short story, and my first time attempting to post anything on Tumblr. I really hope I don't mess up somehow, or break any unspoken rules. ⋟﹏⋞)

‹ NOV 10 › (≈ 6k) Draft 1 complete! I'm stuck so close to the ending. Might have to brainstorm a way out of this dead end...

‹ NOV 18 › (≈ 9k) Draft 2 complete! Just changed something major that'll require me to overhaul a large portion of what I wrote. Had to kill a lot of my darlings. ಥ﹏ಥ)

‹ NOV 22 › (≈ 8k) Draft 3 complete! Okay, I know the word count is going backwards, but the changes went well, I think. It's getting fun! •̀⩊•́)

‹ DEC 1 › Draft 4 started . . .

‹ DEC 2 › At this point, I feel like I'm spending more time adding to and tweaking this blog than I am writing... ಠ‿ಠ) I even made my own png/gif headers for each of my main posts. Now that I'm done setting up everything, hopefully this will be the end of my distraction lol

I didn't put any tags on any of my posts yet, though. I'm kind of scared to, lmao... I think I'll start doing that after the story is actually ready to post, so I'm not just pointing at a blog that has nothing to offer yet. ( ˙▿˙ )

‹ DEC 8 › Today marks a full month of working on this fic! The last thing I wrote today felt like a long tangent (which I honestly have no idea whether it fits the genre or not.) But at the same time I feel like it’s relevant to the plot and character dynamics… Since I have yet to finish and proofread Draft 4 as a whole, I won’t give up hope yet that it’s salvageable. ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

‹ DEC 19 › (≈ 13k) Draft 4 complete!! I'm nervous. I genuinely don't know whether it's worth posting or not. I think I might gauge that based on the reaction of my proofreaders... Who are very much biased towards me. ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

For now, I'll proofread it one last time, making some final minor edits!

‹ DEC 22 › Having someone else proofread it gave me a lot of confidence! And I didn't think of it as a mystery until two people pointed it out, so it was really helpful seeing it through a new light.

I don't know how many times I've read and reread this story, at this point lol. I think right now it's as good as I'm able to get it. I got so attached to it, and to who the characters turned out to be. I can even still imagine more scenarios of what happens after the ending.

I'm so excited for people to read it! I wonder if anyone will; The thought makes me nervous... ( 〃▽〃)

I will be posting it tomorrow! ♡

⚘ pictures / gifs I associate with the story:

#writing log 🏷️

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alegocarmadein · 4 months ago

Text

Long read ahead I do warn.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Somber. Morose. Melancholy. Those three are my holy grail of insane meanings.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Yeah my own work, the Shaman was too late. So, I wrote it in 2021. Very beginning of 2021. I had just been put on bupropian, after years of trying anti-depressants, it finally worked. Slowly. But I still had psychosis, so I'm getting less depressed but I'm still psychotic. And literally the last day of 2020 into the early hours of Jan 1st 2021, I listened to (and binged) Kane and Feels. Obsessed. FUCKING OBSESSED. IMMEDIATELY. But I was off of social media in its entirety, so I had one (1) person to scream at and she was busy in school and shit. So I turn my mind to fanfiction. Psychosis is a BITCH. It robbed me of my memory during and after, it made me paranoid, and a horrible insomniac. So I sit in my room and formulate this plot in the early hours of morning, just muttering to myself. This weird story that would not ever truly make sense but vaguely had a plot and a destination. And I wrote it! And because my memory was so terribly dogshit, every night and every morning, in between edits and writing fits, I would read it. Uh. Out loud. It took hours to read, partially because of how long it was, partially because my reading skills were close to non existent. For a while I considered making a podfic of it to go along with it, but I didn't have recording equipment or money! I was really isolated and spent well over a hundred, maybe two hundred hours on a 13k fic. My writing skills at the time were…diminished, and far from polished, so it took a lot of edits to make it readable. But it was my baby. It was the first fic I'd truly fallen in love with of my own. And eventually I posted it and didn't hate it like all of my others. I would reread it every month, sometimes every week after, checking for errors (of which there were many). Again, my baby. And still, I consider it one of my best fics, this fic I wrote in between 16 hour sleeps, interrupted often by hallucinations and paranoia attacks. And its just terribly special to me, because I know it so very well. I spent two months writing it, and I love that fic, truly.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Okay its not really a subject matter, but fluff? So hard. Don't get me wrong, I can come up with it and put it on paper….but keeping it around is sooooo very hard. I am very much a kill-the-part-of-you-that-cringes, but with kaf especially….eeek. Like the first bit of physical affection I think we've ever been aware of them doing is in the end of WHY, right? So writing close affection is like….babe no, this is Kane we're talking about. but….I think I've had enough independent events/developments (character wise) through my string of fics that I can stretch the lines a bit and put in a little affection here and there. Not super shippy either, just…"holy fuck I'm so glad you're alive that really sucked man." oh and verbal affection is a BITCH. Dude NO. I can't. it never sounds reasonable. I can't do fluffy I CAN'T DO FLUFFY. I'M A MAN OF ANGST DEAR READER. ANGST. Anyway, I wrote a fic about them waltzing. You should read it. And I'm also really proud of the next of kin scene in Next of Kin.

And memory related magic trauma whatzits are my favorite thing to write. I have it so many fics of mine. Psychosis <3 you are so fun to write about, my beloathed.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

This is from The Shaman was too late, near the very end.

"Lucifer Kane is standing on a cliff, overseeing a hazy ocean with a soft lavender-grey sky. Distant golden-grey light shines through the clouds, and the smell of salt and a gust of a warm, ocean breeze puts him at ease."

First off, full name, this is serious talk. Usually I call him Kane, Lucifer when I'm trying to make a point, full name is for introductions and endings. The present tense is something I very rarely do, I generally get tripped up with present tense. The only other time recently I've used it is in Next of Kin at the very end of chapter 4-7, where Kane notices Brutus and is back in the present moment. Weird choice. And I don't really know why I had such a clear image of the hazy ocean with the golden light, streaming down, crepuscular rays (god's rays) streaming from the cloud, but still hazy. The lavender grey was such a spur of the moment thing while I was writing it, it's the color theme for the fic, the other worlds are lavender grey all over. I knew I wanted an emotional yet…like…quiet moment for them being reunited? Keep in mind at that point only season one and WHO, the first ep of season two had been put out, so no hand squeezes, no ocean, not yet, no reuniting, and I didn't know if kaf would ever be coming back. Sigh. Rough times. Well the scene at least hit dyn hard enough for them to make some really baller art of that scene, so I'm happy.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

so…..so much. Most of the time at least. Big fics are almost guaranteed to have a separate notes document with a general outline, to keep my ideas on track. You usually find them in the final end note on the fic, though occasionally they're too messy to really share. This is actually what has tripped me up so bad with the sequel to Next of Kin that I've been working on FOR A FUCKING YEAR NOW, JESUS, is that I wrote an outline for an ending, went a completely different direction, wrote a new outline, then changed it again and now I'm super duper stuck and have no clue how to get to the end. :\

It's a document with bullet points or checkboxes with short plot points and weird details/characters/places I want to add. I ignore them at my will. I actually do enjoy it…for any other fic than the elphame fic. jesus.

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

a fucken weirdo. Not like. WEIRD weirdo, just a weirdo. like, that artist who did the beautiful, colorful cat potraits that look very interesting? the one who had schizophrenia so now everyone attributes the weirder ones to his mental illness instead of to his creative ability? louis wain? I feel like they'd attribute all the weirder stuff I write to mental illness, when instead that was hand crafted and delivered by my loving, not-really-stable-i-kinda-have-a-tremor-but-lets-pretend hands.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/12/Louis_wain_cats.png)

(my ao3) https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlegoCarmadein/profile

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

(Not my poem (rest of the post is a poem))

Ode to Silence by Edna St. Vincent Millay

---

Aye, but she?

Your other sister and my other soul

Grave Silence, lovelier

Than the three loveliest maidens, what of her?

Clio, not you,

Not you, Calliope,

Nor all your wanton line,

Not Beauty's perfect self shall comfort me

For Silence once departed,

For her the cool-tongued, her the tranquil-hearted,

Whom evermore I follow wistfully,

Wandering Heaven and Earth and Hell and the four seasons through;

Thalia, not you,

Not you, Melpomene,

Not your incomparable feet, O thin Terpsichore, I seek in this great hall,

But one more pale, more pensive, most beloved of you all.

I seek her from afar,

I come from temples where her altars are,

From groves that bear her name,

Noisy with stricken victims now and sacrificial flame,

And cymbals struck on high and strident faces

Obstreperous in her praise

They neither love nor know,

A goddess of gone days,

Departed long ago,

Abandoning the invaded shrines and fanes

Of her old sanctuary,

A deity obscure and legendary,

Of whom there now remains,

For sages to decipher and priests to garble,

Only and for a little while her letters wedged in marble,

Which even now, behold, the friendly mumbling rain erases,

And the inarticulate snow,

Leaving at last of her least signs and traces

None whatsoever, nor whither she is vanished from these places.

"She will love well," I said,

"If love be of that heart inhabiter,

The flowers of the dead;

The red anemone that with no sound

Moves in the wind, and from another wound

That sprang, the heavily-sweet blue hyacinth,

That blossoms underground,

And sallow poppies, will be dear to her.

And will not Silence know

In the black shade of what obsidian steep

Stiffens the white narcissus numb with sleep?

(Seed which Demeter's daughter bore from home,

Uptorn by desperate fingers long ago,

Reluctant even as she,

Undone Persephone,

And even as she set out again to grow

In twilight, in perdition's lean and inauspicious loam).

She will love well," I said,

"The flowers of the dead;

Where dark Persephone the winter round,

Uncomforted for home, uncomforted,

Lacking a sunny southern slope in northern Sicily,

With sullen pupils focussed on a dream,

Stares on the stagnant stream

That moats the unequivocable battlements of Hell,

There, there will she be found,

She that is Beauty veiled from men and Music in a swound."

"I long for Silence as they long for breath

Whose helpless nostrils drink the bitter sea;

What thing can be

So stout, what so redoubtable, in Death

What fury, what considerable rage, if only she,

Upon whose icy breast,

Unquestioned, uncaressed,

One time I lay,

And whom always I lack,

Even to this day,

Being by no means from that frigid bosom weaned away,

If only she therewith be given me back?"

I sought her down that dolorous labyrinth,

Wherein no shaft of sunlight ever fell,

And in among the bloodless everywhere

I sought her, but the air,

Breathed many times and spent,

Was fretful with a whispering discontent,

And questioning me, importuning me to tell

Some slightest tidings of the light of day they know no more,

Plucking my sleeve, the eager shades were with me where I went.

I paused at every grievous door,

And harked a moment, holding up my hand,—and for a space

A hush was on them, while they watched my face;

And then they fell a-whispering as before;

So that I smiled at them and left them, seeing she was not there.

I sought her, too,

Among the upper gods, although I knew

She was not like to be where feasting is,

Nor near to Heaven's lord,

Being a thing abhorred

And shunned of him, although a child of his,

(Not yours, not yours; to you she owes not breath,

Mother of Song, being sown of Zeus upon a dream of Death).

Fearing to pass unvisited some place

And later learn, too late, how all the while,

With her still face,

She had been standing there and seen me pass, without a smile,

I sought her even to the sagging board whereat

The stout immortals sat;

But such a laughter shook the mighty hall

No one could hear me say:

Had she been seen upon the Hill that day?

And no one knew at all

How long I stood, or when at last I sighed and went away.

There is a garden lying in a lull

Between the mountains and the mountainous sea,

I know not where, but which a dream diurnal

Paints on my lids a moment till the hull

Be lifted from the kernel

And Slumber fed to me.

Your foot-print is not there, Mnemosene,

Though it would seem a ruined place and after

Your lichenous heart, being full

Of broken columns, caryatides

Thrown to the earth and fallen forward on their jointless knees,

And urns funereal altered into dust

Minuter than the ashes of the dead,

And Psyche's lamp out of the earth up-thrust,

Dripping itself in marble wax on what was once the bed

Of Love, and his young body asleep, but now is dust instead.

There twists the bitter-sweet, the white wisteria Fastens its fingers in the strangling wall,

And the wide crannies quicken with bright weeds;

There dumbly like a worm all day the still white orchid feeds;

But never an echo of your daughters' laughter

Is there, nor any sign of you at all

Swells fungous from the rotten bough, grey mother of Pieria!

Only her shadow once upon a stone

I saw,—and, lo, the shadow and the garden, too, were gone.

I tell you you have done her body an ill,

You chatterers, you noisy crew!

She is not anywhere!

I sought her in deep Hell;

And through the world as well;

I thought of Heaven and I sought her there;

Above nor under ground

Is Silence to be found,

That was the very warp and woof of you,

Lovely before your songs began and after they were through!

Oh, say if on this hill

Somewhere your sister's body lies in death,

So I may follow there, and make a wreath

Of my locked hands, that on her quiet breast

Shall lie till age has withered them!

(Ah, sweetly from the rest

I see

Turn and consider me

Compassionate Euterpe!)

"There is a gate beyond the gate of Death,

Beyond the gate of everlasting Life,

Beyond the gates of Heaven and Hell," she saith,

"Whereon but to believe is horror!

Whereon to meditate engendereth

Even in deathless spirits such as I

A tumult in the breath,

A chilling of the inexhaustible blood

Even in my veins that never will be dry,

And in the austere, divine monotony

That is my being, the madness of an unaccustomed mood.

This is her province whom you lack and seek;

And seek her not elsewhere.

Hell is a thoroughfare

For pilgrims,—Herakles,

And he that loved Euridice too well,

Have walked therein; and many more than these;

And witnessed the desire and the despair

Of souls that passed reluctantly and sicken for the air;

You, too, have entered Hell,

And issued thence; but thence whereof I speak

None has returned;—for thither fury brings

Only the driven ghosts of them that flee before all things.

Oblivion is the name of this abode: and she is there."

Oh, radiant Song! Oh, gracious Memory!

Be long upon this height

I shall not climb again!

I know the way you mean,—the little night,

And the long empty day,—never to see

Again the angry light,

Or hear the hungry noises cry my brain!

Ah, but she,

Your other sister and my other soul,

She shall again be mine;

And I shall drink her from a silver bowl,

A chilly thin green wine,

Not bitter to the taste,

Not sweet,

Not of your press, oh, restless, clamorous nine,—

To foam beneath the frantic hoofs of mirth—

But savoring faintly of the acid earth,

And trod by pensive feet

From perfect clusters ripened without haste

Out of the urgent heat

In some clear glimmering vaulted twilight under the odorous vine.

Lift up your lyres! Sing on!

But as for me, I seek your sister whither she is gone.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you’ve always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

#the poem is about persephone #from greek mythology #keep in mind this was written in the 1920s #people didnt like really KNOW about who persephone was on a national scale #so this is her love poem to her #thanks for letting me do this #I just needed to ramble #I haven't rambled about my writing in a while #I don't even care if anyone reads this im just happy I wrote something down #If anyones curious about the other ones leave in in my inbox :)

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seikilos-stele · 5 months ago

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Hey so just wanted to say i just read the two part series fanfiction you wrote with about the twins riker and wow it was so good i need everyone i know to read this. I actually read the sequel before the first one which i think made it more jarring to be introduced to these changed rikers. The end scene was interesting. Did they switch places? Is it meant to be ambiguous? I think I mostly kept track of who was who until the nightmare scene. Did pilot riker have the nightmare first or the shy one? Because pilot riker does wet his bed later and had the reaction about nirish pointing out the spare bedsheets. Ah, I should reread it honestly. I did read it late at night, which is peak paranoia time for me, so that might’ve affected my critical reading skills. And the nightmare itself about the sheep and the pig,, was that meant to parallel tom and will’s situation? It was very impactful. Long comment, don’t have to respond or anything. Bottom line is love your work, very good and cool.

Omg I’ll have to reread it 😆 the only thing I remember for sure is that Will Riker ends up with Deanna and Tom Riker ends up with Worf.

#my asks #star trek tng #William Riker

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the-whispers-of-death · 7 months ago

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hello hi it's extremely late (or early ig??) but I'm pretty sure you mentioned somewhere that Stone likes to journal to get his mind off of things.

How do you think he would be like when he journals? What kinda stuff would he talk about? Would the content inside his journal be drastically different between the one he uses on base and the one he uses at home (around Saira for ex.)? Would it be messy and a way for him to take his frustration and anger out with scribbles and indents from pen pressure and bled through ink or would he be neat with it like he seems to be with everything else? Would he treat is as an artistic opportunity and go all out with highlights and doodles or would it be pages upon pages filled with neat handwriting? What stationary would he like to use? Would he switch languages from English to Hindi to Marathi pretty often even in individual entries or would he only write in any one of them at a time or maybe even through out? Maybe he thinks writing in Marathi is just a way to practice it more since he doesn't get to speak it with the rest a lot or maybe it just turns out to be his paranoia acting up again and him writing in Hindi or Marathi is just a way to make sure nobody is able to read it even if they get their hands on it.

Is he the time to keep a pocket journal on his person at all times or does he have a little lock box where he keeps a full size one hidden somewhere in his room?

Ik this is such a in passing thing that was mentioned but I haven't had sleep all night and I am having mad Stone brainrot I wanna know everything about him pls he's so cool

-🥀

TW: Details of child abuse

Stone got into journaling because one of his previous therapists suggested it would be good for him, since he wasn't much of a talker, and he had to agree that it was good for him.

The journal Stone keeps on base is different than the one he keeps at home, the one on base only has him recounting his days during deployments (without going into classified details, of course). It's infuriatingly neat and only full of facts, not detailed enough to be incriminating should someone find it. He writes with a pencil, in the very rare case he has made a mistake. It's strictly in English and he keeps it locked in a drawer in his barracks.

The journal he has at home is lowkey a mess. He has entire bookcases filled with the journals he kept over the years, filling them up with page after page of everything in his life, every emotion. Stone knows the only person reading these specific journals are him and him alone and to soothe in paranoia, he switches between Hindi and Marathi.

He never writes in English in these journals and he writes with a pen, crossing words out when he makes a mistake or changes his mind mid-sentence. It's where he pours out every excruciating detail of his childhood with Bharat. Every time he woke up with his father looming over him with a gun, every time he was left locked in his room with no water or food, every time he was forced to stay still while his father dislocated one of his major joints and reset them with no care for how loud he cried out. Every single moment.

Stone writes about how lonely he is, how his heart aches to be more than the soldier his father trained him to be. He writes every single moment he has seen in which it had made him feel lonely. He writes about the moments between two fellow soldiers that make him ache to have someone beside him. He writes how much he longs for someone to love him, scarred and all. He pours out every thought about lips on his, hands on his waist, melting at the touches of another. Of the need to finally feel safe for once in his life.

He could fill up two journals even if he's home for only a short time before his next deployment. He reads and rereads his journals, scribbling in the margins about how he shouldn't be writing all these personal thoughts even if they're in Hindi and Marathi. There are pages where he just seems to be overfilled with his paranoia and it's all he can think about, or maybe that's his way of convincing anyone who dares to read his journals that the writer has lost his mind.

#tyler's asks #tyler's inbox #tyler answers asks #answering asks #asks #task force 141 oc #call of duty oc #cod oc #task force 141 oc: stone #call of duty oc: stone #cod oc: stone #it's the way this man can be so silent and yet write so loudly #his journals at home are the truest form of him #it's an insight to what goes on in his brain #the painful memories #the paranoia #the longing #🥀 anon #:)

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pleas3pretendimnothere · 7 months ago

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Reading for March! I only read 3 books this month. I've been dealing with some mysterious medical issue (classic "all your tests are normal! Here's some pain meds, go home."), so my stress has been very elevated. I'm in pain every day, and it's made the physical act of sitting still and reading quite difficult. Shout out to audiobooks for allowing me to get through these while broiling in the bath!

Authority & Acceptance

By Jeff Vandermeer - I read the first book in Vandermeer's Southern Reach trilogy Annihilation some five or six years ago shortly after Alex Garland's film released. I loved the movie, so I was happy to pick up the book it was based on! That book was very different, neither in a good or bad way. Some things, the movie improved on, and other things the movie failed. Regardless, it was a haunting read that stayed with me years later, when I finally picked up the sequels.

Annihilation is about Area X, a dangerous seaside dream-world that defies explanation and has become secreted by the military. Delightfully, Authority opens up the world of the Southern Reach, the nearby operating facility where the world's brightest attempt to understand Area X's many horrors. The main character is the young and mysterious new director, Control, who delves into understanding the strange, clandestine operations of the Southern Reach, especially those linked to his now deceased predecessor. One scene in particular involving a secret attic will stay with me for a loooong time!

In the following book, Acceptance, the worlds of Area X and the Southern Reach converge. Characters from different times, which feel each like different, distinct worlds, tell stories that expand the reader's understanding of Area X. I won't spoil much, but this book was a near perfect end to this series. The horrors of Control and Ghost Bird's conclusions, the tragedy of the lighthouse keeper and the creation of Area X, and the deep character intrigue surrounding Gloria each play into an ending that doesn't answer all questions, but in the spirit of the series, still provides a mysterious yet satisfying feeling of finality. Though not all things "work out", there is relief.

Authority may have been the weakest book in the trilogy, but Acceptance was the strongest. It's not often that you find series that finish so well, but Vandermeer's Southern Reach trilogy is definitely among the good ones. The books are highly psychological, and often, I was forced to reread passages in order to completely understand them. Sometimes, the writing felt intentionally confusing, and other times, perhaps not so intentionally! The books make for slow reads for that reason, but thanks to the great storytelling, that was something that did not bother me. I love written horror that fails to describe the indescribable because, of course, of the nature of the thing. Whatever description results is highly paradoxical to the reader. It's horror that is inherently confusing, and therefore all the more horrifying. These books are boiling over with this stuff, and I loved it! The suspense, the paranoia, the terrible climaxes... Chef's kiss, all around!

A fantastic sci-fi horror series I'd recommend to fans of the genres. It's a staple in character work and psychological terror (or terroir? Nay...). Definitely BUY IT!

Frenchman's Creek

By Daphne du Maurier - And now for something completely different! How different? Why, some classical literature about a high society Englishwoman who tires of the frivolities of court life! Luckily, adventure awaits her at her summer home... in the form of piracy! And adultery, of course!

Rebecca is a favorite of mine, and I knew I had to read more by du Maurier. While Frenchman was no Rebecca, it was still a wonderful time! Our main character Dona is a delightful wild soul who says what's on her mind and does what she feels like. She's a breath of fresh air who can't be cowed, and her stubborn character makes for a wonderfully likeable hero. No wonder she falls into the arms of a handsome pirate hiding his ship and his crew in the nearby creek! She just can't be tamed!

Frenchman is just plain fun. It's cheesy romance, tongue-in-cheek writing, and ridiculous adventure that left me sometimes in giggling fits. If you enjoy romance, this is a fun one. RENT IT!

Okay, no promises, but I MIGHT read Way of Kings this month. With this illness, we'll just have to wait and see!

#personal #reading #fiction #books #book review #booklr #bookblr #booklover #reviews #jeff vandermeer #annihilation #southern reach #southern reach trilogy #daphne du maurier #frenchman's creek #romance #horror

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