#I have one more ask to answer. but send me more anyway
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cozylittleartblog · 5 hours ago
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idk if I've said it before, but your portrayals of both Rouxls and Queen are among my favorites, and the way they are when you combine the two is the sole thing that got me to say "yes" to queenkaard. When I first saw it in the game and it started catching on as a ship, I was like "nooo I hc him as gay," but then after seeing your stuff I was like "oh nvm I totally see this now."
i think hearing "i didn't see this ship before, but after your art i understand it and/or even ship it myself" is one of the nicest compliments i get, because it makes me feel like i'm representing something meaningful and sweet about a pairing and having people understand what i think is so great and captivating about them. i've gotten a couple asks like this and sometimes i forget to respond but i always really appreciate them :) thank you very much
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#ask#deltarune#queenkaard#rouxls kaard#queen#art#doodles#conkreetmonkey#i mean its fine to draw ship art Just Cuz dgmw but i have Paragraphs of reasons why i like All my ships and it feels really good when i can#help people see the reasons why i think characters are cute together and why they'd work#i love feeling like im Doing something with my art. expressing something. explaining something. makes it feel meaningful#esp when i thought queenkaard was very Out There at first dhbsdjbhf i was like 'dude theres only gonna be me and 2 other people#who ship this'. and there was at first. now people dont think its a rarepair. i built this city goddammit. me and like 2 other people 😭#and im only half joking. i drew them so much because nobody else was. its still a rarepair to me. the fanart and fanfics are still#kind of sparse besides me tbh. but a LOT of people say 'i ship it because of cozy' and that makes me happy#there Are a couple fanfics on ao3 i havent gotten to yet only bc ive been tizzy about the gay car this year but i will read them eventually#anyway i still really love queenkaard i miss the blue people i cant wait to draw them more once the new chapters release aaaaaa#also since i mentioned i dont always respond to asks: i still read each and every single one of them#im sorry if anyone ever sends me something and i didnt post it. sometimes i go on ask-reply sprees and sometimes it just gets#answered months later dhbdsbjf. but please dont ever think i dont care about what you have to say i love hearing from you guys#and sometimes i just Forgor because adhd go brrt
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gem-de-lune · 8 hours ago
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Notes 11/28
I am so so tired today after cooking (literally all i did was make mac and stuffing but my apt fire alarm literally goes off if the temp in the room is raised by like 1 degree) so let's make this quickie quick
1- lots of asks, feeling discouraged over 2 pics.
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I know that yall know what I'm abt to say....
Look, idk abt yall, but when I saw those new SH pics I was not thinking "do we even have a chance?"
No. I was thinking, "Wow, he looks very lonely."
I SAY IT WITH LOVE- But atp if you still feel discouraged by every single literally silly thing that is NOT preventing his return at all whatsoever, Idefk what to tell you, but I will tell you this:
Before you send me an ask bc that pic he posted alone makes u think he likes being alone and the solo is real, ASK YOURSELF THIS:
Does this development prevent his return to his group?
Did he get justice?
Is he being protected?
The answer is literally almost always gonna be no until we win- and that is the reality. it is not that yall bother me with those questions, it's that there is simply no one wearing their thinking caps.
I have said it time and time again, as much as I love to bring you hope through these readings, these are meant to bring you back to focus, not to be your SOLE and ONLY means of sanity. Because I cannot think for you, babes 😭 ily all, but do not be sheep.
Okay moving on to subject 2:
I am way too exhausted to do a full read today- more than i thought bc i originally did NOT plan on cooking for Thanksgiving but here we are.
So i will take some mini asks instead today that i will start posting around 9:30pm cst.
3: some of yall asked abt the thing from vibe check with contracts.
It is my understanding this was the start of discussions abt his future and possible return. But since it is soooooo early i mean this so seriously- there have been no in depth talks with SH abt any of these things for multiple reasons up until that point.
i will update on this development later but a reminder of how SH feels abt the solo which MANY reputable readers can attest to:
He doesn't necessarily want it. He doesn't desire it. He doesn't dream about it. He will not complain about it. It is not stable, and it is not certain. He is also worried about financials over time if he has to do it. His financial position is unstable. But he will do it if he has no other choices.
Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope your food babies are round and cute. Love you all, even if you are emotionally unstable 🫂🩵
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zvtara-was-never-canon · 3 days ago
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The only way i could see Canon Katara interested on Zuko is if he somehow did his Heel Turn long before the start of the show and has become a freedom fighter akin to Jet, but without the murder.
Obviously, this is impossible, there is no way that a young Zuko could become a better person without his exile, his enviroment is just not place that encourage
Sorry for the last question i send, i made a mistake and send it sooner than i wanted.
But anyway, what i tried to say that, even if that ridiculous scenario that i propossed where to happen, Zuko would be a very different characther from his Canon self. Plus even if he has become Katara's type, there is no way to know if Katara would be Zuko's type on that scenario lol
***
Once again, guys: pre-scar and exile Zuko was already dealing with a ton of bagagge, and post-redemption Zuko was already a "freedom fighter but without the murder." Katara saw him at this worst during all of book one, at his somewhat less of dick moments (Ba Sing Se), and at his best after his redemption - and she wasn't attracted to him at any of these points.
"I don't support war, genocide and/or murder" is the bare minimum for Katara to not want somebody dead. Compassion is an obligation, not something that immediately makes a guy be a potential boyfriend in her eyes.
We have the answer of what would take for her to be into Zuko, and that answer is not "He can't be a villain anymore" but rather "He can't be Zuko." He can't be a dork that says the wrong thing in a funny way, she'd get mad. He can't want to live in the Fire Nation, there's nothing there for her. He can't be as stubborn as she is, otherwise they're gonna fight (just look at how many times she fights with Toph). He can't take himself too seriously, she'll just mock him for it (ask Sokka).
She wants the guy that literally sweeps her off her feet to charm her, or the guy that notices she's feeling left out at a party, dances with her, and smoothly tells her to ignore everyone's eyes on them because "it's just you and me." She would NOT react well to a guy that screams "SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" in the middle of their date (just see how well it worked for Aang when he went "I mean, if it was between kissing you and dying")
And we do know what Zuko's type is: Mai. Gloomy yet sweet, bitchy yet unbothered, out-spoken yet doesn't feel she owes anybody any explanations ever, can handle herself but likes being pampered, apathetic yet caring, has nothing prove yet can be quite arrogant, stubborn yet understanding, aloof to the world in general yet obviously crazy about him in particular.
Zuko might catch brief feelings for someone like Jin (nice, sweet and cheery), but long-term he needs someone as messy as himself so he can relate, but with the kind of mess that balances him out instead of encouraging his worst traits - the yin to his yang. He was not kidding when he said "You're so beautiful when you hate the world"
Katara loves life in general too much for her and Zuko to relate to each other in that regard. She doesn't even know what the word "apathy" means. She doesn't have an "unbothered" bone in her body. Girl went through a ton of trauma and still wasn't anywhere near gloomy, quite the contrary. And she has a bad temper, just like Zuko, which they both know is a bad combo, hence them surrounding themselves with more chill people (Aang, Iroh, Hakoda, Mai, etc).
They're not each other's type AT ALL, hence there being no spark when they become friends. Hence them being not just embarassed, but weirded our and uncomfortable when people mistake them for a couple.
There's a reason zutara fics re-write their personalities completely: there's no other way to force them together because they're fundamentally incompatible. The real Zuko would NEVER be attracted to the real Katara, and vice versa.
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cocainever · 2 days ago
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HIII
I was wondering if you could cover all the steps you took to get to your lowest weight? What was your calorie deficit, macros, exercise regimen? and where did you start from? I went through forced recovery and am starting at 20lbs higher than i started at before recovery.
hi anon!!! Thank you for sending an ask ❤️❤️❤️ (please excuse any misspellingings I’m answering this outside in the cold..)
So when I was at my lowest weight I was eating around one meal a day. Like literally I would make the same recipe over and over. I had the la Madeline’s grilled cheese but with spinach and ham. So I did 1/2 of Swiss, provolone, sharp cheddar and Colby jack and two slices of sourdough. And then I had half a cup of spinach and like one slice of ham that was like 10 calories because around that point I was starting to become scared of meat. And I would just microwave it so it was warm but not toasted with butter bc calories I wanted to save on calories! And then I would have a sugar free chobani yogurt mixed with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and I would eat it with half an apple or 4,8,12,14 slices of red/pink lady apple. So my macros are listed at :
Carbs: 82.8 g
Fat: 29.3 g
Protein: 42.6 g
I was out for around 9 hours a day working out basically because of marching band. I would wake up at 7am and then go to a 1 1/2 hour long sectional with saxophones outside and march drill and play music. Also I’m from Texas so it was around 97° on average and being really hot burns more calories. And then I would come home and sleep and maybe have a pedialyte popsicle for electrolytes because around the time I was actually scared of water. Like. It was a fear for me?? But whatever so I would do that and then take a 30 minute sauna break and then around 12pm I would head out and go to my actual marching band thing. So during summer band I did
1 hour outside
1 hour inside
1 hour full band outside
mini lessons 2 hours inside with section
2 hour rehearsal outside (in the dark)
also following that I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to workout. Like sit ups, pacing, 20k step “challenges”..
I was at 87 and I lost to 81 in literally 2 weeks.
But that wasn’t sustainable..I started having tachycardia. Sometimes the director would make us put our instruments down and run 1/4 mile if we didn’t do good on a rep and my heart rate would shoot up to 210-200 range. I had a seizure at an early morning sectional and then my world crumbled and yk. Hospitalized. I think I’ll make a post about my hospitalization soon.
Anyways I just wanted to make this post to help inform you about my past! Please stay healthy and stay safe. ❤️❤️❤️
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thehistoriangirl · 2 days ago
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Hello, how are you?
I was reading through your Viktor masterlist and got a question.......
What's your thoughts about the new Viktor design/story? Will you write for him or for the former Machine Herakd? Or maybe you won't write S2 Viktor lol
I hope my question isn't weird, thank you! 🙇‍♀️
Hi Anon! That's actually an excellent question kdgdkdhsha 🙈
I very much like Viktor's design as this eldritch like-god being. It's creepy, it's mystical, it's kinda gothic-esque to me. He would 100% haunt my dreams while he minds control me. I love it.
However, aside from any peculiar AU I could conjure in the future, I don't think I will write him much.
Machine Herald? Sure thing :3 he may be retconed soon, but I like him a lot. Alongside Blitzcrank, his denial of any humanity he may contain, and ultimately the man that still exists behind the metal mask—it's all so compelling to me I must explore it at some point
If we're talking about Viktor from S2 act 1 and 2, then yes, probably I will write him a liiiitle bit more—I have planned a short multichapter fic about it but first I need to finish one of my ongoing stories 🤡🤡👉🏼👈🏼
Anyway, I hope this answer your questions! And if not, feel at ease to send another ask :3
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lorirwritesfanfic · 3 days ago
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Break - Part I
Book: The Royal Romance Pairing: Liam Rys x MC (Jade) Rating: M Word count: 2124 Reading time: ~8min Summary: After dinner in Fydelia, Liam sent a message to Jade asking her to meet him so he explain why he didn't stood up for her and chose Madeleine to be fiancee. But neither of them were ready to face the outcome of their conversation. Based on the prompt: @kingliamappreciationweek day 4: Relationships
Author's note:
Jade Bourbon is a creation of this author. The other characters belong to Pixelberry Studios;
This year's KLAW brought me back to the days I wrote incessantly about Liam, so I decided to revisit some old fics and revamp them. This piece was originally part of Coming Back With a Bang, but because I've been frustrated with book two scene in the balcony with Liam since 2018 and my attempt to write a fix-it fic then lacked emotion, I'm rewriting it and hoping this time I can do justice to Jade and show how she felt;
There may be some lines from canon in here. I just don't know which ones 😅
Thanks to @lizzybeth1986 and @sazanes for hosting KLAW again. I don't know if a rewritten fic will be accepted, but regardless it is or not, thank you for once again inspiring me with prompts to write Liam.
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While Maxwell waited outside the ladies room, Jade looked at herself in the mirror and heaved a sigh. She was a mess. Sure, she could fix her makeup and go back out there. But what for? Watching Madeleine snaking her hands over him? For more people to tell her how she became a pariah  in the kingdom and should just leave? What was the point of all this anyway?
Turning on the sink, she washed her hands and placed them on the back of her neck to freshen up. She was still resolute not to give up. But for the night, she had enough.
As she walked out of the ladies room, Maxwell stood up from the settee with his usual encouraging smile. 
"You seem better."
"Thanks..." She simpered. "Can I go back to my room now? We congratulated the happy couple, toasted, dined on their honor and blah blah blah..." Jade gesticulated as she twisted her lips in annoyance.
"Sure. I think the staff already has it cleaned. I'm kinda beat too."
"Let's go then."
Lacing arms with her friend, Jade and Maxwell walked towards the grand staircase.
"Wait, we don't have to go back and say goodnight to them, do we?" Jade made a face.
"Nah... It's okay. It's been a long day for all of us."
"Tell me about it..."
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A soft knock on the door echoed in the room, waking Jade up. She had no idea how much time had passed or who could be knocking on her door right now. 
After getting out of bed and taking a quick look in the mirror, she reached for a robe and answered the door.
"Hey you!” Her eyes soften at the sight of Maxwell. “What’s with the flowers?”
“Special delivery!” Maxwell beamed as he walked in carrying a huge red roses arrangement. “Housekeeping sent over a new centerpiece for your end table.” 
"Now?"
"The staff apologized for sending it so late, but they thought it'd be nice for you to wake up and see the flowers."
"Aw, it really is nice..." She smiled, burying her nose on the centerpiece to smell the roses when she noticed a small envelope wrapped around one of the stems.
Opening the envelope, she picked up the note inside and her eyes rose in surprise.
“Oh, that’s Liam’s handwriting," Maxwell prompted.
"I wouldn't blame you if you're furious with me, but please meet me so I can at least explain. I'll be on the balcony outside my room in twenty minutes." - L.
As if pulled by a magnet, Jade walked outside to search for Liam's balcony.
Maxwell picked the note from the floor, read it while following Jade outside. "You're thinking about it, aren't you?"
"I shouldn't..." Jade bit down her lip as her eyes began to water.
“Hey..." Maxwell approached her, placing his hand on her arm. "I cannot imagine how much it stung to see him with Madeleine. But Liam wouldn't send you this if he didn't think he owed you an explanation."
"Should I go?"
"You're my friend, but I'm also his friend and I kinda want to say 'hell yeah! Go get your man!'" Maxwell enthused, making her giggle, but immediately his features grew a bit serious. "I'm rooting for you two, but if you say it's too much for you right now, I'll get it."
Jade chewed on a nail.
“Whatever you decide, I'll support you. Don't forget to get some rest, okay?”
"Thanks, Max."
"Have a goodnight, Little Blossom." Maxwell said as he left the balcony and then left her room.
Alone once again, Jade mulled over Liam's note and remembered their encounter earlier. The way he gazed at her, complimenting her, kissing her hand as gentle and passionate as ever, his eyes searching for hers throughout the dinner... 
Jade walked back into the room and searched for the nicest yet comfortable clothes she had in the closet. She needed to be ready to climb his balcony if necessary, but still look her best in case they end things. Maybe he did have an explanation. She just hoped it'd be a good one.
As soon as Jade stepped into the garden, her eyes darted to Liam's balcony. As one of his fingers idly ran on the rim of a nearly empty wine glass, Liam sat by himself, lost in thought. Ignoring her racing heart and dry mouth, she walked towards the pillar under his balcony and hoped she could not only climb it, but manage to tell him everything that was choked inside her.
“Jade!” Liam murmured in surprise as he rushed to help her get into his balcony.
Her feet barely had touched the ground when Liam swept her into his arms. His nose buried on her hair, tears fell down her cheeks as the inebriating scent of his cologne overtook her. It was so hard not to lose herself in his embrace. If there was any place she yearned to be again, it was certainly within his arms.
Yet, flashes of coronation night and the dinner earlier came to her, reminding her of her current situation. Reality always seemed to hit her as hard as a slap on the face.
After wiping her tears discreetly, Jade pulled away from his eyes and said, “You're engaged."
Liam swallowed hard and nodded.
"We need to talk."
“Yes, of course. It’s just…" Liam took a step closer, gazing into her eyes. "Damn, Lady Jade, how I’ve missed you.”
Jade averted her gaze for a moment to gather strength and say what she had to tell him. “Aren’t you going to ask me if it’s true?”
“No. I don’t need to ask to know it was a set up.”
“You knew?” 
Her eyebrows rose as she tried to process what he said. 
"You knew?!" As she repeated, a wave of anger took over her. “Then why? Why did you let me go?" Her eyes glisten with tears again. "Why didn't you try to reach out to me? Why did I have to hide like a criminal if you knew I was the victim? Why did you have to choose… her?” Her lips quivered, her emotions taking the best of her as she cried again. 
"Oh, Jade..." Liam whispered, pulling her back into his arms. "If only you knew how much I wanted to tell you that I believe you, that I always knew you'd never spoken more than a few words to Tariq because you were simply polite to him... But I couldn't."
Her hands balled into fists as she tried to push him away, yet Liam didn't let go. She continued, hitting his chest harder as hot tears streamed down her face. 
And in spite of it all, Liam didn't pull away nor tried to defend himself. He simply continued to hold her as tight as he could. When she finally hugged him back, Liam kissed her forehead in adoration. He waited for as long as it took her for her to calm down then led her to the settee so they could talk.
"Why did you say you couldn't?"
"Though I knew it was set up because Drake told me about the broken lock on your door, I had no proof. No one knows where Tariq is, who could've told him to go to your room. Someone had gone to great lengths to frame you." A muscle in his jaw twitches. "If I chose you that night or tried to remain in touch with you or the Beaumonts, I might have put you in greater danger."
"Oh?"
"I haven't told you about my mother."
"You mentioned she died when you were young."
"The details of passing weren't disclosed to the press, but she was poisoned."
Jade's mouth fell open.
"We still don't know who caused my mother's death. And if that person is still out there, walking freely into the country estate that was built to be secure..." He shook his head. "I can't think about the possibility of losing you, Jade."
Jade chewed on a lip, not knowing what to say.
"I'll regret what I did at the Coronation for the rest of my life because it hurt you and I'm sorry that it happened as it did. But in that moment, the only thing that I could think of to keep you safe was to make whoever is behind this believe that they won. But I am so, so sorry... This must have been miserable for you."
Liam reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles.
"You could've called..." Jade murmured.
"I had to make it seem like I had no more ties with you. But I knew you were safe at Ramsford. Bertrand kept you distracted with etiquette, ballroom dancing and Cordonian history lessons."
Her eyes widened. "How do you know that?"
"Bertrand and I talked briefly through a secure line. I told him to cut you slack so you could have time to go jogging. I heard you were playing the piano sometimes..."
"He did keep you up to speed," she concluded, still annoyed.
"In case you were wondering, we only had short calls. If I had talked to you, I wouldn't be satisfied with a one minute call every now and then."
"Me neither..." Jade sighed. "Okay... I guess it makes sense. But I still have one question. Why her?"
"Madeleine is different from the other suitors. We never really got along, she doesn't care about that I feel nothing for her. I couldn't ask any of the other ladies to go through an arrangement like this. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings."
"But you don't care about Madeleine?"
"You've had time to talk to her."
"Unfortunately... Is she awful with you too?"
"To put it mildly..." Liam made a face.
"I thought she was mean to us girls because we were competition."
"Perhaps it was, but in my opinion, that's Madeleine being herself."
"This arrangement you have with her…" Jade pressed her lips together, struggling to think about what she was going to ask. "Does it make me your mistress?”
“Hardly. You’re the woman I love. The only one.” Liam locked his fingers through hers. “I know this is not what any of us hoped for, but all I could think about at that moment was finding a way to keep you in my life.”
“Liam, I—" She shook her head. “This is a lot.” 
“I know. But my hope is that it's all temporary. Just until we find whoever schemed against you. After all of this, if you still have me, our love won't have to be a secret.”
“But what if we can't find who did this?"
"I'll still be all yours even if I have to marry Madeleine. But if you don't want it, I..." He trailed off, then took a deep breath. "I won't stand on your way."
As tears welled up on her eyes once again, Liam went down one knee and cupped her cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb. “Stay."
"Liam..."
"I'm talking about tonight. Stay here. I need to see with my own eyes that you’ll be safe.” 
Jade sobbed. This was too much. Becoming his mistress was a hard limit for her. Yet, how could she leave him if every part of being came alive under his gaze? Unable to find words to express what she felt, she just sat there and sobbed while Liam took a plce by her side again, pulling her close in his arms.
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It was still dark when Jade woke up. Around her waist, one of Liam’s arms pressed her back against his chest. On the sleeve of his shirt, makeup stains. Signs of how much all of this has been tough on them.
She took a deep breath, taking in the scent of his aftershave lingering on the pillow, the warmth of his arm and chest protecting her. She knew deep inside he would do anything to shield her from insults, dirty looks and any threats. But it still was a lot for both of them.
“Liam,” she whispered, rubbing his hand.
He frowned a little before opening his eyes.
“Hey...” she turned to face him and gave him a weak smile.
Hey,” he said, stifling a yawn. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I just have to go back to my room now.”
“Of course. Let me talk to the guards outside first.” 
He then got out of the bed, ran a hand in an attempt to fix his tousled hair and opened the door. A couple of minutes later, he returned.
“You can take the hallway. None of the guards will ask questions. As far as they're concerned, you were never here,” he said, placing his hands inside his pockets.
“Thank you.” 
Jade sat up, put her flats back on her feet and headed to the door.
“Jay...” he called, taking one of her hands before she reached the doorknob. “What about us? Will we be okay?”
“I hope so... But I need time to think. It’s a lot to process.”
Liam nodded, looking down at her hand as  his thumb stroked her mother’s ring on her finger.
“Hey," she uttered, cupping his cheek gently. "We're not over. I just..."
"I know."
Before they could think about it, her arms wrapped his neck as his hands clenched on the back of her sweater. Would things change between them if they stayed away from each other? Would life give them another chance? They didn't know. But as far as anyone else knew, there was no way back for them.
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r0semultiverse · 8 months ago
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ganondoodle · 5 months ago
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okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"
and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)
whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character
if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me
i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal
and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid
i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him
i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really
(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#person that send an ask about this in just as i was writing this- this isnt about you- i promise you#its soemthing thats been stirring in my mind since yesterday#and seeing so many of those comments- and even aonuma himself say it#just strikes a very very personal sore spot#also to that one commenter on a different post-#no- wanting female characters being allowed to wield a sword is not “badass female character mysogyni” (idk how to spell that rn)#the hollywood badass female character thing is annoying but thats bc-#its a super model woman (bc shes ALLOWED TO BE FEMININE you KNOW) fight people in high heels- bc you can be feminie AND badass-#and then does a cringy one liner 'what you thoguht a FEMALE couldnt kick your teeth in'#which comes with alot more baggage of tropes and hollywood etc etc#i long for the 'women are jsut as capable as men' in a very agender way#why do you think i intentionally design alot of female characters non tradtionally feminie or masculine#again this is a very pseronal thing to me#BUT i do think it IS questionable that its her that isnt allowed to fight with a sword#like i dont think thats much of my personal dislike there- but a valid thing to point out no matter the explanations you can come up with#anyway- i dont hate it- but its not for me- i dont want to talk much about it#i hope you can excuse me not answering the asks i got related to this- id just repeat myself#(i guess i should be glad that its the top down one that gets her as the protagonist-)#(i dont think i want to live through seeing her be animated like the typically girly feminine butt wiggle in your face tehehe)#(the botw/totk cutscnes were enough of that for me PERSONALLY)#i dont know how many times i have to say its my very biased personally personal opinion and no a judging of others#to make it clear that no one has to agree with me and i dont want to be convinced of the other opinions of this
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fakeoutbf · 6 months ago
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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unknownarmageddon · 1 month ago
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WAIMT. who.who did Killer make a deal with 👁👁👁👁👁was it was it was it/silly
OKAY SO. thats a great question i’ve been trying to figure that out
i really wanna say it was chara. i think chara was like, another standard demon that worked in hell’s fields. they didn’t have any high position or much power or anything. and i think they like. got so fucking bored and tired of hell that they grew drawn to killer, maybe mostly out of chance, and started like messing with his hell and watching him. and he didn’t Know who it was or could see them but he did know they always came back to torment him and he could like feel their constant presence. cause his hell always got a bit worse when they were around
and then eventually everything became so strained that they just ended up making a deal. chara in no way had the authority to make those kindsa deals but they did anyway, cause they figured they could at least use killer for something. and just to see what would happen
and then, what i’ve been thinking, is that chara used killer to try and escape from hell, free from the eyes of the higher ups, disguising it saying they’d get out together but really they just wanted him to do the heavy lifting and planned to stab him in the back at the end. but, then it backfired, and chara’s soul became unstable and kinda fused forcefully and uncomfortably with killer’s while killer was “climbing” out of hell (not sure if the climbing part is incredibly literal or not i have to think more about gates to hell in this context and etc etc). but then killer got pulled back in, pulling chara back in with him. so now they’re kinda just stuck like how they are. chara still has a semi physical form while they’re in hell, but if killer travels up to earth chara’s like how they normally are in utmv contexts. also the climbing out of hell was how killer got those marks on his arms cackles
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crescentfool · 1 year ago
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I noticed you're a Ryomina!!! How did you get into it? And do you have any good fanfics/doujinshi you can advice me to read? ANYTHING on Ryomina actually? I'm dying for anything about them!!! Thanks!!
yes!!! it's me!!! i'm ryomina fan (one of many)!!! thank you for visiting my askbox, i'll do my best to answer all of the questions because it always makes me happy to see that ryomina sparks joy for people! :D
...this got really long because i like linking to things, so i'm putting it under a read more (IM VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM)
how did i get into it? i got into persona 3 around august 2021 through the movies- at the time my only experience with the persona series was with P5R / P5S / P5D. p3 was the one that interested me the most (i thought minato was very pretty + i caught wind that the themes of the game were very resonant with people). i picked the movies over the game because i'm a guy who plays games at a snails pace, haha.
admittedly, i did latch onto ryomina because of the scenes in the third and fourth movie (i have mentioned in the tags of this art i drew how much i felt like i was exploding and blasting off to the moon watching it).
but what really dug me into the ryomina hole (and what has kept me there) was thinking about how much ryoji encapsulates the themes of p3- and how interconnected his fate is with minato. i wrote some musings about their dynamic here, if you're interested!
tl;dr: what if we were both boys and we were mirror images of each other and i inherited your kindness and looks but god doomed our narrative even though we're soulmates
on ryomina fanworks recommendations:
regarding fics: i'm going to assume that you've probably read the fics that have the highest kudo ratings on them, so i won't really be listing those.
a personal favorite fic that i always hold close to my heart is Eurydice's Vow by crescentmoontea, which explores the idea of ryomina in p5r's third semester. this was the first fic i read about ryomina and it made me tear up lots...
i also think a lot about I Alone Await You by Nail_gun, literally scrumptious writing that captures the ryomina dynamic so so well. actually check out Nail_gun's other ryomina fics while you're at it too!
other fun fic i'm fond of: can't get my mind out of those memories (what were they?) by foxmulder_whereartthou. ryoji being homeless lives rent free in my head and it's all because of this fic. there's a bunch of other fun ryominas from the same author too (i still need to read them)
BkZa555 also has some fun AU scenarios if you're into that too, notably with Zagreus (P5-Setting, Ryoji focus) and The Definition of Insanity (TIME LOOP fuckery!), but they're currently ongoing.
these were some ones that came to my mind first- as i have the strongest recollection reading them. admittedly i haven't really been reading fic this year, so i don't have many recommendations from fic that came out this year. but if you're so inclined to let ryomina consume your soul, i definitely recommend giving the newer works in the ryomina tag a look-see and see if it strikes your fancy!
as a side note, i do have a few ryomina fics that i've bookmarked on my ao3 here, though i have to say that i'm not sure how well they hold up in terms of like... what i would seek out of a fic these days. but they made past me happy so i bookmarked them, LOL. it's kind of outdated (my collection of fic recs has my old username *disintegrates*).
regarding doujinshi: i have not read all the ryomina doujinshi available, but as a starting point, please take a look at this list from pandora-scans from livejournal!
notably, this is where you can find the strawberry-chan say good bye doujin- which features a small and cute comic from shuji sogabe (the p3/p4 manga artist), as well as other artists. the existence of this doujinshi is the funniest thing to me because it's like "HEY if you're wondering what the volume 8 cover is really gay it's because sogabe contributed to a ryomina doujin." this fact makes my head spin (positive). it explains a lot about the manga.
regarding persona side material:
i know you didn't ask for these but i thought that i mine as well list these too, since i feel that the side materials have some fun expansions on ryoji and minato's interactions. i haven't... watched/read all of these but, hey, i like to share these things!
for comic anthologies for the persona series (some of which have ryoji!). if you're interested in reading them, here's a scanlation index from maboroshi-no on tumblr. i don't think this is a comprehensive list, but i think it will be a great starting point!
for some translations of the persona 3 drama cds, check out imaginary-numbers on dreamwidth! ryoji and minato interactions can specifically be found in the persona 3 character drama cd vol. 1, and for the audio + english subs, you can watch this video on youtube:
youtube
and ohh the musical. ryoji singing and dancing gives me so much joy. i haven't watched the musical in it's entirety (only fragments), but here are some links that may be of interest to you:
Ao no Kakusei (The Blue Awakening), Sakuya version - playlist for the first p3 musical, translated by Phoenix Maiika.
Ao no Kakusei (The Blue Awakening), Kotone version - playlist for the femc version!! also translated by Phoenix Maiika on YouTube.
Persona 3: The Weird Masquerade (English Subtitles) - playlist by rumio!
P3 Weird Musical DVD & Soundtrack Booklet Scans by rumio_k - twitter thread that links to these funsies, if you don't have twitter, here's the publicly shared drive link.
god. these sure are a lot of links, huh? i hope you enjoy them- pick and choose whatever sounds most appealing! (if this overwhelmed you im sorry GKLHLDH i just like being very comprehensive in my answers about things so i got carried away).
and as a reminder, you (and anyone else reading) are always welcome to browse my tags/archive and reblog things from there anytime! i have... nearly 300 ryomina posts which, while mostly consists of art, has a few fics, meta, hcs, gifs, memes, and whatnot scattered about.
or browse the minato and ryoji tags too! there's.. nearly 1k minato. and 500 ish ryoji. and they're going to keep on growing because i can't stop being obsessed with archiving these things. god help me i am so deep in this hole called ryomina hell and now you're here too. welcome aboard!
there's always going to be a lot of fun ways to enjoy rotating ryomina around in one's brain, i think- they're a pairing with such fun symbolic imagery that is So Deep (to me) but ALSO they're immensely hilarious and weird guys (affectionate). so i love to share these things in hopes that it gives you joy too! they are the most couple ever (to me) (i'm biased)
thank you again for the ask! i hope it can satiate your need for more ryomina, and be a nice aide in exploring the p3 fanspace :)
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puppyeared · 10 months ago
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MAN your art, but especially the latest pieces of Walking Fire Friend and Sparkle Dog really have the vibes of like, sanrio?? I want stickers and half a dozen accessories with them plastered all over so bad
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!!! thank u for the kind words!! im playing around with the halftone effect, i like how it makes it look like a newspaper comic ^_^
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leviiackrman · 10 months ago
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Okay yall, pls enjoy Chika’s full story now up on her page: read here
tag list (ask to be added or removed): @risingsh0t @bbrocklesnar @carrionsflower @statichvm @roofgeese @unholymilf @florbelles @arklay @captmactavish @shellibisshe @simonxriley @queennymeria @marivenah @nokstella @vvardenfae @thedeadthree @jacobseed @jackiesarch @heroofpenamstan @dameayliins @carlosoliveiraa @shadowglens @fenharel @alexxmason @malefiicarum @nightbloodbix
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laesas · 2 years ago
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did you ever make a post about pete not liking tankhun ? i know you mentioned it a few times in your tags but i don't remember seeing a post. (i share your opin ions.)
I definitely toyed with the idea of meta or a gifset but I didn't ever make a full post! I love unrequited love and I ESPECIALLY love the extremely rare platonic version which Tankhun and Pete absolutely nail in my opinion!
There are loads of moments where Pete's smile drops around Tankhun very quickly, or he insults Tankhun behind his back. Instead of laughing things off like Arm and Pol, he almost has a wincing fear-response to Tankhun, which we don't really see at all from the other bodyguards.
I think that Tankhun likes to think of himself as being close friends with his bodyguards, and he does genuinely show a lot of open affection for Pete and eventually concern for his safety. But I think ultimately for Pete, Tankhun is just a part of Pete's job, and over time resentment has built up until he thinks of Tankhun as one of the *worst* parts of it. I definitely don't think he resents Tankhun enough to hurt or endanger him, but that's about as far as it goes, there's certainly very little love there.
Something about that dynamic is just particularly brilliant, especially when combined with Pete's eventual defection from Tankhun's side to Vegas'. He chooses a man who has beaten and tortured him over a man who showers him in affection and throws parties on his return.
I utterly adore Tankhun but I think as a character that's grown up in a gilded cage, he doesn't really understand that what Pete needs is a sense of his own autonomy rather than being dragged to "fun" "lets cheer up Pete" parties that Tankhun has demanded on his behalf. At least with Vegas he *chose* to go back, he handed Vegas the ropes, let him lock him back up again. Even before he develops feelings for Vegas, Pete has clearly felt like a subhuman pet for Tankhun and the main family for a long, long time and I think ironically Vegas acknowledging Pete's humanity is the tipping point for him.
I think even without their nascent romantic love as a factor, Pete would always choose Vegas. Because despite the threat of suffering, he offers a sense of freedom that Tankhun's gilded cage does not. It all makes for an incredibly interesting betrayal, and makes Pete choosing Vegas over Tankhun all the more pointed. By choosing to be Vegas' pet, he chooses to be human.
#I have had this gifset concept rattling round my brain since before I even learned to make gifs#if I didn't have so many complicated feelings about Pete after the whole Build situation I'd make it in a heartbeat tbh#my worry is that it would either be taken as a ''hating on Pete'' set and I'd get mad shit for it in my inbox#(despite it being one of my fave facets of his character)#or it would be interpreted as a ''Build's acting appreciation!'' post which tbf it kinda would be.#theres no getting away from the fact that he shaped Pete into a very interesting and nuanced character#but you wouldn't catch me dead making a ''Captain Jack Sparrow appreciation'' set even if I loved POTC as much as KPTS yknow?#like theres only so much distance I can split the character from the actor. which sucks bc Pete as a character was one of my favourites#idk. probably not the ideal answer lol#my first instict was to just make the set since it was all planned out from like december#but since January my love for Pete as a character has mostly been in a little box on a high shelf that I do not ever touch. which is sad#but it is what it is ig#anyway lol 👀#tankhun theerapanyakul#pete kp#tankhun kp#kp meta#ask#anon#watch me deliberately not putting that shit in the pete tag out of fear#anyway back on the high shelf you go little pete feelings. lets go back to simply not acknowledging u once more lol 🥲✨#goddamn I deliberately hadnt thought about him in months but now I kinda miss Pete... :( I love this ask though thank u for sending it! 🦔✨#damn rereading this its like girl. do you have an unrequited love for commas?? fucking use them?? :) anywaY#kpts
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piningpercussionist · 8 months ago
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(ooc)
Fellas. What if I just. Replied to shit completely out of order? How would we feel abt that?
(I'm still having blockage of the writer's variety... but I want to try to respond to things. So badly. But also my inherent desire to be as chronological as possible...... sgchdhhdjcshdj)
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teecupangel · 1 year ago
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Hey there!
I don't know if you take requests for character analyses (if you don't just ignore this), but I would really like to see your take on Desmond Miles since, for some reason, I can't really seem to wrap my head around him, which has resulted in me finding him almost boring, and I would like to remedy that.
I'm particularly interested in what you believe to be to be his biggest flaws and where they come from, since that's what usually compels me the most about a character, and also what I have trouble with finding in Desmond.
I’m fine with any analysis requests that get sent my way :)
Although, I do wonder if I’m the right person to analyze Desmond since character analysis is meant to be as nonbias as possible but I’m me and y’all know how much I love Desmond at this point. XD
I will do my best though but it is my duty to remind you that this analysis is written by someone who loves Desmond so, yeah, some of that love will bleed thru in this analysis.
Also, as this would get pretty long if I do a complete character analysis, I’ll focus on what compelled me to Desmond which, I believe, is connected to your question about what his flaws are and where they come from.
What compelled me to Desmond:
Nolan North’s Voice
He’s voiced by Nolan North and I’ve been in love with Nolan North’s voice since I played Spec Ops the Line. Haha, no, that’s half a joke and my obligatory “Nolan North fangirling” out of the way. Also, no joke, Nolan North was able to give Desmond a compelling voice that helped mold his character in my eyes and ears. I never once heard Desmond speak and thought "oh, that's Nathan Drake" which is funny since Nolan North uses similar voices for the two of them. With what he's given, Nolan North was able to make Desmond unique from his other characters, making him a charming and adorable dumbass with more depth than he usually shows.
Endless Potential
This was what compelled me to him because his part in the series felt like it was building for something more. If we were to believe what Nolan North said in this video (around the 33~34 minute mark), Desmond was meant to have a bigger part in the story. The ultimate Assassin with the ability to time travel, most probably to help change the past and tragedy of his ancestors and to usher in a brighter future for the Brotherhood and mankind. The one who will finally end the endless war between the Assassins and the Templars.
But then Ubisoft screwed that up and wasted Desmond’s potential.
But from their actions were born endless potential. For as long as there are fans who create new stories with Desmond in them, Desmond lives up to that endless potential. By destroying Desmond’s potential, Ubisoft unintentionally created a character with endless potential given to him by those who create stories where he is resurrected or never died in the first place.
And that endless potential is what brings new ideas and scenarios for our dear poor Desmond to get involved with. XD
Desmond and His Ancestors
Kenway-Patented Daddy Issues
So let’s start with Ratonhnhaké:ton because there are some people who say that Desmond and Ratonhnhaké:ton are quite similar to one another but, let’s be honest, most of those comparisons stem from their similar ‘tense’ relationship with their father. Desmond and Ratonhnhaké:ton mirror each other because of that relationship and they showed two contrasting ‘endings’:
Ratonhnhaké:ton had wanted to build a bridge between himself and his father but ended up killing Haytham because of their differences and their stubbornness to yield to the other’s wishes and demands.
On the other hand, Desmond let go of whatever animosity he felt for his father and made up with him in the end even though there have been hints of how deeply Bill mistreated his son (either thru neglect or actual abuse is up to interpretation) that should have been given more time to talk about than... two-ish voice messages.
This is more my opinion but Desmond forgiving his father and trying to make amends is because he wished to grant Ratonhnhaké:ton’s wish in some form. Perhaps even his Bleed of Ratonhnhaké:ton is the reason why he felt the desire to make amends because he’s seeing a lot of Haytham Kenway in Bill. In his Bleed-’corrupted’ mind, this could be counted as Ratonhnhaké:ton getting his wish.
The Legend Everyone Wants Him To Become
Lucy said it herself, they’re using the Bleeding Effect to jumpstart and cheat their way into making Desmond an Assassin. But is that really their end goal? Sure, Lucy had the ulterior motive of the Templars wanting to get the POE that had been under Ezio’s care but the Assassins themselves want Desmond to become an Assassin as quickly as possible.
We can even make an argument that they want Desmond to not be an Assassin like Ezio Auditore but to be Ezio Auditore.
Because Ezio Auditore was seen as a success story by the Assassins. They didn’t know how he had almost been so close to giving up the Creed during his later years, they didn’t know how he left the Brotherhood because he had enough…
They remember Ezio Auditore as this great man, this legend.
And the Bleeding Effect gave them the tool to try and recreate this legend in Desmond Miles.
Also, the way Lucy, Shaun, and Rebecca supported Desmond is similar to how Mario and the members of the Italian Brotherhood in AC2 supported Ezio.
In some ways, they were using Desmond/Ezio to get what they want. Desmond and Ezio are the ones risking their lives the most (either in the field where anything and everyone can kill him with Ezio or in a high-tech device that could destroy his mind with Desmond) while their allies kept information from them “until the time is right” (mostly Bill and, by extension, Lucy) and supported them from the shadows instead.
The Distorted Mirror
For me, Desmond is actually more of Altaïr’s foil and a distorted mirror image of Altaïr because:
Both of their mothers are quite the blank slate with Maud only known as a Christian member of the Levantine Brotherhood but never confirmed to be an actual Assassin while Desmond’s mother has never been officially called an Assassin, only a member of the Brotherhood like Maud.
Both were born and raised in Assassin ‘strongholds’, isolated from the rest of the world. How similar their upbringing was is open for interpretation but, considering how Desmond never talked about any specific children from the Farm and didn’t talk about his life as a bartender or any of his coworkers and the only person that treats Altaïr like an old friend was an informant in Damascus (if we do not count Rauf who looks like he’s friendly with everyone and Kadar who is more on the side of hero-worship for Altaïr than being a friend of equal grounds), we can safely assume they were both lonely (especially after Abbas and Altaïr’s friendship went to hell).
Both of them were trained to be Assassins at an early age but where Altaïr thrived and became one of the best Assassins in the Levantine Brotherhood (and, later on, in history), Desmond saw himself as a failure.
Speaking of which, they both have father figures who trained them to be Assassins but where Al Mualim succeeded in creating a valuable weapon, Bill failed.
Both of them, at some point in their lives, thought about running away. Altaïr had been ready to leave Levant with Adha but stayed instead after her death. Desmond, on the other hand, actually ran away and created a new life out of the reach of the Brotherhood.
Altaïr is known for saying “How can I regret the only life I have ever known?” which echoes Desmond’s regrets of running away from his Assassin lineage.
Desmond had talked about how he wished people had told him things, had explained things to him, and given him information that would have made him understand that the Assassins and Templars were real. He even tells Shaun that he would have loved to have been a know-it-all in the Desmond_01.WAV in AC Valhalla. Altaïr is known to hoard knowledge (his library) and is a scholar as well. They both desired knowledge but where Altaïr sought and hoarded it, Desmond simply… wished for it.
There are other comparisons of how similar they are but distorted in some way to make them unique from one another (like how their canon love interest (sorta in Desmond’s case) died because of them in some form or another) but those are some of the major ones in my opinion.
So, you might be wondering, why did I focus so much on Desmond’s ancestors when this is meant to be a character analysis of Desmond himself?
Because that is one of his flaws.
Desmond has and will always be compared to his ancestors, both in universe and in meta. One can only imagine how Desmond felt about being compared to his ancestors.
Well...
We can actually guess how he felt about that because...
Another one of his flaws is how he saw himself as a failure and his feeling of being never enough, of being a failure stems from, you guessed it, William Fucking Miles:
I—I had failed you, and you KNEW it. But you said nothing. I stayed mad. For weeks. I thought you were...you were patronizing me. I thought maybe you decided right there that I was never going to be the man you wanted me to be... (Noob’s Personal Files: "Subject Zero" - audio file 3)
The rest of the audio file talked about how Desmond had misunderstood Bill’s actions but what kind of upbringing would he have to have had that his first thought when he was praised was that it was a lie? Instead of immediately believing the praises given to him by his own father, he assumed that he had failed and his father had given up on him?
Desmond couldn’t even see his own accomplishment:
Desmond: I wanted out. I wanted my own life. To live my own way. Sixteen years old. And where was I going? No idea. Just away. That's it. That was the plan. Not much of one. They never guessed what I was doing, because I didn't know what I was doing. I just walked right out. Someone realized I was gone. They shouted. I started running.
William: Desmond! Desmond!
Desmond: I just ran and ran and ran. All that training was finally worth something. God, it was so dark when I left. And the forest... endless. I didn't dare take the roads.
Mother: Desmond, where are you?
Desmond: Mother, calling out. Begging me to stay. But I wouldn't. I followed the hills down. Down until I hit a stream. I followed that to a river, and from the river to an old access road. I walked for hours that day, the summer sun keeping me warm well into the evening. Found a clearing after dark. Fell asleep beneath the stars. Never had a quieter night. Not before or since. Walking, too scared to hitch a ride. What the hell was I doing? Lost in the badlands for a day. Felt like a week. Endless ocean of wrinkled earth. Can't believe a place could look so dead. (AC Revelations Escape)
A secured location run and protected by adult Assassins couldn’t catch a 16 year old kid? Even if it’s just his parents who went after him, two adults with more experience couldn’t catch him? This only shows that Desmond had the skills. A sixteen years old who had NEVER left the Farm further than what his training and his parents had allowed was able to evade those who were training him his entire life.
Yet, he still thought that he had been a failure. That memory of Bill praising him for doing a good job and him believing that Bill had given up on him stayed with him and made him believe he was a failure for a very long time.
And this was a man who stayed out of the whole Assassin and Templar business for nine years until he grew complacent and tried to treat himself with a motorcycle license (which might show how bored he was with his life as a bartender and wanted some excitement in his life… like a really fast vehicle)
Bill described Desmond as:
This... boy had no ambition. No direction. No plans for the future. What he DID have was a heritage. One he chose to deny. (AC3 Intro)
But then you get to Desmond’s audio files in AC Valhalla where he talked to Shaun about what the Creed means and he says this:
Anyway, my dad has mellowed over the years. But he was strict when we lived on the Farm. He ran a tight ship. I never got the impression that I was free to choose my path forward. Our creed, our tenets, they were drilled into my head. By the time I was a teenager, I was following these rules out of a sense of duty. This was... just what we did. (Layla Hassan’s Personal Files Desmond_01.WAV)
Just like Altaïr, the life of an Assassin was the only life Desmond had and he felt like he never had a choice. He was envious of Shaun who decided to become an Assassin out of his own free will.
But running away?
Denying his lineage?
That was the very first ‘choice’ he ever made for himself.
And this brings us to what Desmond desired most of all:
His “I wanted my own life.” in AC Revelation’s Escape is another excuse he tells himself. Because what he truly wanted was:
A Place to Belong.
After nine years of being away, my old bitterness was back. I was tired again. I didn't want to admit that moving forward might mean taking a step back. But the shine of the city had faded. The freedom I felt was hollow without old friends, without family. (AC Revelations Regret)
But then Desmond started saying these lines:
And suddenly, I wanted it all back. All that training, all that time. But I couldn't. Those days. They were gone. (AC Revelations Regret)
Not until you guys found me. Yeah. It wasn't until I met you and Becs and Lucy that I knew... I knew I wanted to be an Assassin. (Layla Hassan’s Personal Files Desmond_01.WAV)
I know my easiest days are behind me. But I don't want them back. Not now. My name is Desmond Miles... and I am an Assassin. I AM an Assassin. (AC Revelations Regret)
But then compare that to how Desmond was in AC1:
Lucy: Why'd you run away?
Desmond: I could never leave the compound. You have any idea what it's like being trapped in a place, knowing there is a whole world out there I'd never get to see?
Lucy: Don't you miss your parents?
Desmond: No. Far as I'm concerned, they weren't my parents. They were my wardens and I was their prisoner.
Lucy: It sounds like they only wanted to protect you.
Desmond: With all that's happened... I don't know. I guess they were right. (AC1, after the first memory block)
What changed?
Is it because Desmond knew what it was like to be part of a team? Of what it’s like to be an Assassin?
Yes but it’s a little bit more complicated than that.
Desmond felt like he belonged with the Assassins but he made one big mistake: he thought he meant the Assassins as they were are right now.
But what he truly desired, the place that he believed he could belong was the Brotherhood of olds.
The Levantine Brotherhood under Altaïr as the mentor.
The Italian Brotherhood under Ezio as the mentor.
Those were the 'memories' he had of what it meant to be part of a Brotherhood.
Then he started reliving Ratonhnhaké:ton’s life (one who did not have a Brotherhood, instead a village that left him behind and an old man too jaded to truly guide him without letting his past and guilt drive a wedge between them) and those messages he left for Bill? The acceptance? The forgiveness?
They were created after experiencing the pain and loneliness that Ratonhnhaké:ton went thru. It was created after he felt the sorrow of having a father that will never accept him for who he was.
They were left by a man who felt the regrets of someone close to him, could feel himself be him at times, and wished for another ending.
A… happier one.
Desmond’s line of
My name is Desmond Miles... and I am an Assassin. I AM an Assassin.
Becomes bittersweet because, yes, he had accepted who he was meant to be from the start but, thanks to the Bleeding Effect, we never got to know if the kind of Assassin he was ever meant to be was one that was truly Desmond Miles or…
Someone trying to live up to the memories of his ancestors.
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