#I have no idea what I'm doing and I think deep down I'm still just waiting for someone to scream at me or hit me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lucy-literates · 1 day ago

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Can you do inncent Y/n staying with her bff (Arthur Leclerc ) for the summer and one night she heard Arthur groan and do stuff with an oane night stand and she start to touch herself every night till Arthur catches her and she tries to deny and they and up in bed (smut pleeeeeeease and if you like you can make Arthur a little dark like he knows what yn does and wants to have her only for himself )

A/N: I was so confused when I first saw this, I thought you said bf not bff and then the one night stand part. I was tripping so hard until I read it again. This was really fun, thank you!! I'm sorry it took so long!!!! Inbox is open 🫶🏻

Only Mine

You weren’t supposed to hear it.

It was well past midnight in Arthur’s apartment, where you were crashing for the summer. The air was warm and sticky despite the fan humming by your bed. You rolled onto your side in the guest room, eyes fluttering shut.

And then you heard it.

A low, masculine groan. Soft at first, then deeper. Louder.

You froze.

Arthur.

There was a girl. A high-pitched gasp, a whimper. Skin against skin. The creak of his mattress, the wet slap of—

Oh.

You swallowed, pulse racing.

Your thighs pressed together under the thin blanket. You tried to block it out—tried to be a good friend, not a pervert—but the sounds were addicting. Her moans. His growls. The roughness of it.

And his voice. Deep. Commanding. Filthy.

“Stay still. You wanted this, didn’t you?” “Fuck—so tight—take it.”

You bit your knuckle, shaking.

That night, and every night after, you found yourself remembering it.

Touching yourself quietly, shamefully, in Arthur’s house.

You never came from touching before. You didn’t even really try before. But now, with Arthur’s voice playing in your head—growling commands to some girl who wasn’t you—you couldn’t not.

You thought you were discreet.

But Arthur saw everything.

He noticed the changes.

The way your breath hitched around him. How your eyes flitted away whenever he touched your lower back. How you jumped when he said your name in that dark, deep tone.

But more than that?

He heard you.

Late at night, under your covers. He’d pass by your door, bare-chested and silent, and hear the soft whines, the helpless moans muffled into your pillow. You’d try so hard to stay quiet—but Arthur had sharp ears.

He also noticed your scent changed. Subtle. Sweet. Addictive.

You were fucking glowing with it. Need.

And you had no idea that he knew everything.

It all snapped one week later.

You’d just showered, wrapped in a towel and stumbling into your room when you turned—and screamed.

Arthur stood in your doorway. Watching you.

His eyes were dark, jaw tight.

“Jesus, Arthur, I—can you knock?” you gasped, flustered, clutching the towel tighter.

He stepped in. Calm. Slow.

Your heart jumped. Something was off.

“Could’ve sworn I heard something,” he said casually. “Thought you were in trouble.”

“I wasn’t,” you whispered.

He tilted his head, gaze dropping to your legs, water still trickling down them. You swallowed hard.

“Really?” His voice dropped. “Then why do you sound like you’re moaning my name every night?”

Your mouth opened. Closed.

Arthur smiled, and it was not friendly.

“You think I can’t hear you, chérie? You think I haven’t seen your hands under the sheets?” “Do you imagine it’s me touching you?”

You backed up. “Arthur, I—no—I don’t—”

He stalked toward you. One step. Then another.

“Don’t lie to me.”

You hit the edge of the bed, towel slipping slightly. Your breath caught as his hand reached out, curling around your jaw—not rough, but possessive.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked quietly. “Say the word.”

You didn’t.

You couldn’t.

Instead, you nodded—tiny. Shaky.

Arthur’s eyes darkened. And then he pounced.

Your towel hit the floor.

You gasped as he pushed you onto the bed, hands roaming down your thighs, spreading you open as he settled between them like he belonged there.

“So pretty,” he muttered, dragging a finger through your folds. “And so fucking wet.”

You whined, covering your face, but Arthur growled.

“No hiding. You touch yourself every night thinking about me, and you’re shy now?”

His mouth descended.

Tongue everywhere—slow licks, soft suckles on your clit, then plunging inside you until your hips bucked. He groaned like he’d been starving for you.

“Taste sweeter than I imagined,” he said into you. “You were made for this.”

You sobbed his name, fingers tugging at his curls, legs trembling.

He didn’t stop. Not when you came once. Not even after the second. His mouth worshipped your cunt until you were shaking, tears in your eyes.

Then he finally moved up, breath hot against your lips.

“Think you can take me now?” he whispered.

“Y-yes,” you breathed.

He smirked, unbuckling his jeans with practiced ease. Your eyes widened.

“You sure?”

“I’ve never—” you paused, cheeks flaming. “But I want it with you.”

Arthur’s pupils blown. Wild.

“Fuck,” he cursed. “You’re mine.”

He kissed you like he meant to ruin you. Like he already had. His cock pressed against your entrance, and he paused, letting you adjust as he slid in—inch by thick inch.

You clawed at his back, whimpering.

“So tight. So fucking perfect,” he gritted. “All mine, yeah? No one else touches you.”

You nodded, legs wrapping around his waist instinctively.

He snapped his hips.

You screamed.

Over and over, he fucked you into the mattress, filthy words spilling between gritted teeth.

“Been waiting for this.” “Touching yourself every night for me, chérie.” “Gonna fill you so full, you’ll never think of anyone else.”

You couldn’t even speak—just feel. His body, his voice, his cock splitting you open, dragging you into pleasure you’d never known.

And when he came, groaning your name into your neck, you realized something terrifying and beautiful at once:

You’d never not wanted this.

When it was over, he stayed inside you, still hard.

“You’re staying in my bed now,” he murmured, brushing your hair back.

You blinked. “But the guest room—”

“No.” He kissed you. “Only mine.”

You sighed, exhausted, curling into him as Roscoe barked outside the door.

“Wrong roommate, bud,” Arthur smirked. “She’s not yours.”

He looked down at you, dark eyes softening for the first time all night.

“She’s mine.”

#f1 x reader #f1 #f1 imagine #arthur leclerc #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc x y/n #arthur leclerc fluff

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vividraft · 1 day ago

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DAYS OF KNOWING SATORU GOJO !! highschool au. ..!

a/n: still need to figure out a proper layout... but yay! first fic in months! want more?

Day 1

the first time you talked to gojo, he was sat next to you

the teacher had moved him to the front of the glass due to him talking in the back…

he leaned whispered, leaning over to you, asking if you had a pen

without a word you had handed him one, and kept looking at the board

gojo had kind of a reputation as a... rule breaker. or fuckboy if you will. best not to get too involved

Day 11

you had to work on a presentation together…

whenever you tried to find a time you two could meet up, he always had detention… what was this guy doing ?!

“don’t you worry, cutie, I’ll make sure to do my part, you can trust me! do I not look trustworthy?”, there he goes with the random nicknames again…

Day 13

after a bit of chatting gojo managed to get his number into your phone! now you guys can text about the project!!

his first text was something along the lines of ‘hey qt could u send me the notes again?’

you rolled your eyes but sent them to him anyways

Day 15

you managed to find some time to meet up in the library

… and my god was this guy LOUD

"ssh! gojo, we are in a library!", you whisper shouted after earning a side eye from the librarian

he laughed LOUDLY

"come onnn no one actually cares"

you started looking for a spot in the furthest corner of the library. let's not disturb anyone

Day 16

working with him was HORRIBLE

you barely got anything done, spent most of the time trying to avoid his bad pick up lines, and trying to explain simple stuff from class to him

you made him promise that on presentation day, he would have his stuff done

let's hope for the best

Day 19

presentation day came and went and it was...

...horrible to say the least

gojo barely had anything done, and left you standing there stupid. your grade ended up at a mere 63%...

you were reasonably upset with him, so you stopped talking to him during class

but it didn't matter, it's not like you guys were even friends in the first place

then why does he seem to be doing weird things to get your attention..?

Day 26

a horrible day... your necklace seems to be missing, and you have no idea where you could have left it

but then you remember! you took it off for gym class earlier today!!

but there's no way you'll get into the gym now, but what if someone will steal it?? and it's way too late now...

until...

"hey my favorite teachers pet! what's that sour look on your face for?", gojo leaned down mockingly. "I'm not a-- whatever", you sighed, and turned back to nervously fidget with your pencil. But Gojo's eyes seemed to be prying,, until you finally told him.

"I think I left my necklace in the gym, and someone will probably steal it if I can't get it back first..." "Then why not get it back now?", Gojo looked at you like a curious cat, as if he was genuinely confused. "It's way too late, no one is in the gym anymore. I probably won't be able to check until after the weekend", your mind seemed to be trailing off as you stopped talking. "Well? Then let's go get it, no?", Gojo got up from his chair.

A moment of silent passed where you just stared him down with your mouth slightly open in deep set confusion.

"Are you insane? We'll get into huge trouble if we sneak into the gym", you turned towards him. "Ah whateverrr, no one will catch us! I'm like a professional ninja", Gojo stood there proud with his chest out.

"...Yeah no.", you turned back to your desk.

"... Well if you're seriously not coming, I'll go look on my own", Gojo decided as he walked off. Your head shot toward where he was previously standing, as you realized he was seriously sneaking into the gym.

"Wha- Gojo! Wait! You don't even know what it looks like-! Gojo!!", you jumped from your chair darting after him.

When standing in front of your schools gym, Gojo pointed toward an open window. He placed himself below it, to give you a boost. You looked at him dumbfounded. Was this man serious?

You took the offer, and climbed through the window. He followed without needing any help whatsoever.

When inside, you headed straight for the girls locker room, and Gojo followed. Even with no one here, it felt strange seeing a guy looking around the girls locker room. "It feels way cleaner in here than in the guys locker room", he stated. You left it uncommented, though for a moment you wondered what the guy's locker room looked like.

You looked around, checked the lockers, any shelves, and below the benches. And sure enough -- there it was. Your beloved piece of jewelry.

Now that you finally had what you were here for, you noticed how nervous you were about being somewhere you clearly did not belong.

"I got it. Let's get out of here, quickly", you said, and Gojo nodded.

You were quickly walking back to the window you originally came through, when you halted, and Gojo did too.

"You hear that?", you asked, but Gojo just nodded and held a finger to his lips to let you know that being quiet, is a really good idea right now. You tried to control your breathing, and listen for anything that might point toward someone being here, but your heartbeat was way too loud in your ears.

Gojo's eyes widened, and before you could react he shoved you behind the next corner.

"What are you doing here?", your heart dropped into your stomach when you recognized the janitors deep and steady voice.

"Ah, Mr. Anderson! I was looking for something I had lost earlier. Didn't find anything though", Gojo replied without missing a beat. "You know you're not allowed in here alone? Way past schools over? I hate to be filled with so much prejudice, but your reputation makes it hard to believe you were in here for only that", you listened to the conversation. Why was Gojo trying to take the blame at all?

Your mind was racing with any way you could help, but you couldn't think fast enough.

"You wound me! Do I really look like so much of a troublemaker?", Gojo's voice followed, laced with fake hurt. "You don't, but your record surely does. You know, maybe I should take you to the principal for this", your eyes widened when you heard this. "Whaaaat? That's not fair! You don't even-", Gojo was cut off "Yeah, no. You're coming with me young man. Who knows what you were doing in here"

And after a little more whining, and some feet shuffling, the voices distanced themselves from you, and you were left alone in the gym again.

Your legs gave out, and you slid down onto the floor leaning against the wall, clutching the necklace you came here for. Your hand was still clasped over your mouth, and eyes still wide.

'Quick, get up.', you told yourself. Let's get out of this gym.

So you did. After a couple attempts, you managed to climb out of the window again. Your feet landed in the grass, and you finally felt like you could breathe again.

Did Gojo really just take the blame for something? Something like this?

part 2? <3

#jjk #! vivis drafts #jjk satoru #gojo jjk #jjk gojo #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jjk x you

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threegoldfish · 1 day ago

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Relief washes over Marc when Jenny gives him the clear to stay here rather than to go to a hospital; The thought of being brought there in handcuffs, possibly, because of what he'd done - the reason why he's even here to begin with - had seriously frightened him, somewhere deep within his mind. He did not really think of it, not until now, but... that truth had been there, existing within his head, next to the fact that he would've basically been kicked out of this place in a similar way like he'd been kicked out of the military---

So, to know he's not being made to arrive somewhere while cuffed, with doctors treating him like the murderer he is, able to stay here instead... yeah, it... it allows another, much bigger weight to fall off of his shoulders - has Marc inhale, then exhale, eyes closing briefly as he listens to the nurse chatting along in her truly cheerful way.

"Thank fucking god---" A mutter under his breath, spoken to himself; Marc swallows, then nods when she mentions her need to actually do some other stuff there, leaves the two men alone for the time being. Will check on them in a minute, that's what she says...

And Marc looks back down at the ice-pack he still holds between his fingers, the towel wrapped around it---

It's a bit moist from the condense water that had appeared, soaked into the fabric. That's... convenient, really; Marc begins to unwrap that ice-pack, then puts it onto that small table next to himself, just so that he can use the towel then to dab away on his own features. He does not have a mirror anywhere close, no idea what he looks like, but... he knows where most of that by now dried blood is sticking to his lips and chin, so... he rubs some of it away. Being careful to not agitate his nose too much, just working on the skin surrounding it.

He also avoids the split on his upper lip, obviously. It's not too bad, thankfully, just a bit annoying...

---Then, another wave of surprise and Marc whips his head around to look at Harrow - properly take in the sight of him - at the offer he makes. It's... it's just so absolutely not what he'd expected that man to say, and it... well, it---

Shit. It does something to him. That doctor there, master of anything OCD, as dry as an old piece of bread, actually talks about staying by Marc's side - offers to get a book, cards even, or to just remain silent while offering his company.

Is Marc staring at the other because of that, all wide-eyed with his lips parted? Yeah, definitely. It's one thing to be nice, another to be a doctor who cares, but... this? It's a lot. Marc certainly did not think of Harrow to ever be like that. Why would he even want to remain in the first place? Marc's a grown ass adult. He can be at the infirmary all by himself without going crazy on the spot. Hell, he's even having his own room where nothing but white walls and a window surround him...

"...Listen, I'm..." Suddenly feeling a thousand emotions at once, Marc clears his throat as he glances to the side, the now quite bloody towel being lowered back onto his lap as his gaze roams, brain working as he tries to think for a minute here.

"---I said some things, I know, the whole 'it's nice to get rid of me'-thing, but... you don't have to stay. I can handle myself in here." Licking his bottom lip, tasting some leftover iron, Marc uses that towel again to dab away some additional crimson before he lowers it again - gaze on his own hands now as he starts to wipe them on the very same towel. "...I was just---"

Being kicked out of places feels... like losing hold, slipping, falling; Marc had panicked a little upon being faced with something similar again - being told to go somewhere else because he'd done a thing...

A sigh, with him visibly having to push himself to even speak the next words out loud - goes as far as turning his head away completely, not wanting to show off his always-too-vulnerable gaze whenever he's emotionally affected by something.

"...---I've already been kicked out of a place that felt familiar to me, been pushed into a place I don't wanna be at - no offense, but it's a psych ward, y'know - and... it feels like I'm some kind of prawn on a chess board, moved left and right because that's just how it's done; Being forced to go somewhere else yet again sounded... scary, yeah. A place where people stare at you, and where I would probably be handcuffed because I'm technically a criminal who's been told to go here instead of a prison... ---Besides, I've always taken care of myself. I know what to do."

Another deep inhale of air, followed by an exhale. A gaze that trails back to his hands, a subtle shake of his head...

"I appreciate that you wanna stay, but... I promise, I'm good."

Jenny gave a quiet noise in confirmation as she scanned Marc’s eyes, holding the flashlight steady. It was good that Marc didn’t flinch this time, noted only with a smile; just for a second, like she noticed and it mattered.

“You’re right,” she agreed, with a smile. “Doctor OCD isn’t wrong. But I’ve seen plenty of concussed heads, and yours isn’t the worst I’ve seen. No vomiting, no double vision, no confusion - I think we can manage without a hospital trip.”

She stood up, smiling kindly and giving his shoulder a small pat. “You’ll stay here for today, though. Rest painkillers, fluids, ice - just the standard stuff. The doctor can pick a good bed for you, and you can call for me if you need me - I’ll be around.”

She moved to scribble something else in the chart. “I’ll check in again in a minute,” she promised. “We’ve got some medications that I have to prep for the other patients - try not to punch Arthur, while I’m gone. You could probably take him down with less than that, if he irritates you too badly.”

Her nose scrunched as she smiled, indicating nothing more than a joke; she slipped out only a moment later, off to prepare painkillers for other patients, for those who were on temporary medications through her.

Arthur watched, his fingers curling around the paper cup as she left; he hadn’t said anything, even if he was almost tempted to.

“See?” He offered. “No hospital. You’ll stay here today, and I can stay with you. As long as no one requests me, I’m free.” Some patients would have a breakdown, if they couldn’t see him when they wanted him; other than that, he’d probably be free.

“If you’d like, I could bring you a book. Or if you’re up for it, I could bring some cards - or we can just stay quiet. I’m not a very forceful man, you know.” He sipped from his coffee, careful, trying to be gentle with it only because it was so hot.

#preemptivejustice #threads & interactions; marc spector #(oof. marc lots of emotions and fears)

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ilyprs · 1 day ago

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P I S T A N T H R O P H O B I A | s.geum

───𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛───

pistanthrophobia : the fear of trusting people, forming close romantic relationships, and being vulnerable in interpersonal connections

' in which she can't escape her first love

•seong-je x reader

•part 11.(other parts are out on my profile!!)

ׂׂૢ་༘______________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။•✩♬ now playing: escape room | fromis_9

Serim stood frozen in place, taking a deep breath before gently brushing aside the strands of hair that had fallen into her face. The boys watched her carefully, saying nothing. The girl took a few steps forward and stopped in front of her friends. Her heart was pounding loudly, and she had no idea how to even begin. How could she possibly justify what she had done? In the end, she had only done it to protect her friends—but how believable would that be to them? She couldn't just say she had grabbed Seong-je by the hand, dragged him into his apartment just to clean him up and almost kiss him... Serim felt completely insane and looked down at the ground in shame. Her backpack still lay there, and she suddenly remembered she was still wearing his clothes, which made her angry again. It was such an easy situation to misunderstand. Only God knew what her friends were thinking in that moment.

„Yah, Serimi..." Baku said softly, breaking the silence, taking a few steps toward her. The others stayed back, until Gotak cautiously moved closer and came to stand beside Baku in front of the girl. At the sound of Baku's voice, the girl looked up and had to muster all her strength to meet his gaze. The situation was unbearably uncomfortable for her—she wished the ground would swallow her whole—but her friends had other plans.

Baku gently placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her silently into a hug. Shocked, the girl stood frozen while Baku embraced her protectively. Serim wanted to return the hug, but she couldn't. Her arms refused to move, so she remained stiff, unmoving.

„I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried about you, you fucking idiot," he scolded her softly while still holding her. When Serim heard those words, her heart sank and she felt the tears rising again. With a quiet sob, the girl found her strength and silently—but firmly—returned the hug of her best friend. She let herself fall into his arms and cried against his chest. Baku didn't let go, resting his chin on her head while gently stroking her hair in comfort. Gotak, who had been standing silently until then, muttered a curse under his breath before stepping forward and softly running a hand over the girl's back.

„We're just happy that you're okay. Everything else doesn't matter right now," Gotak tried to comfort the girl as he continued gently stroking her back. Seeing his best friend so broken and defeated was a hard sight for him, and the only thing he wanted in that moment was for everything to be okay again. He just wanted some peace in his damn life—wanted to laugh about silly things with his friends again without one problem after another waiting around the corner.

The three friends stood there like that, unmoving, for what felt like hours—but was really only a few minutes. Sieun and Jun-tae watched the trio in silence, letting them have their moment.

Baku was the first to pull back slightly from the embrace and look at the now-crying girl. Nothing made sense in Serim's head; all she could do was cry. She couldn't understand how her friends were still able to comfort her, still so understanding despite everything. She didn't feel worthy of them, and the realization was impossible to ignore as she looked at them.

„Don't ever do something that stupid again, or we really won't let you out of our sight. Got it?" Baku said now, looking at her seriously. He knew she had done it all to protect him and the others, but he was still angry with her. In his mind, there had been dozens of other ways the problem could've been solved, and the fact that she had essentially sacrificed herself made him feel uneasy. He didn't trust Seong-je at all and had already imagined the worst. If she had stayed upstairs any longer, they probably would've stormed the apartment to get her out. Thankfully, they had used the app on the phone to track her location and had rushed over together right after he had arrived. The injuries were secondary; the most important thing for him had been to get his best friend out of the situation she had put herself in because of him. He, too, was tormented by guilt.

Serim quickly wiped away her tears—she'd cried enough for one day—and forced a relieved smile onto her face.

„I really didn't want to leave you alone, but I was scared that if I—" she began to explain, but Gotak interrupted her.

„You don't need to justify yourself. We know exactly what was going on in that dumb head of yours," he said and flicked her forehead, making the girl rub it with a pained expression. She groaned in annoyance before punching him lightly in the chest, which only made Gotak laugh. Baku slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her away toward the others before she could hit Gotak again.

„But you guys have to listen, I—" she tried again. Her friends probably didn't understand her, and she had an overwhelming need to explain herself. She didn't want any of them to get the wrong impression of her. She just wanted them to understand her perspective.

This time, it was Hu-min who interrupted her and stopped her from finishing her sentence.

„Ah, all that fighting made me hungry. We should finally go get something to eat." The girl looked at his face and felt grateful for the amazing friends she had in her life. She nodded and followed him. She took a few steps forward and saw Sieun and Jun-tae for the first time since the fight. Both of them looked just as affected, and she felt guilty again. None of them had deserved to be dragged into all this and get hurt. But it was already too late—the damage had been done, and she couldn't change it.

„Hi, Serim! I hope you're okay and not hurt..." Jun-tae said shyly, and even Sieun gave her a cautious look, though he remained silent. Serim's heart swelled at the bespectacled boy's words, and she had to hold herself back from jumping on him. His sweet and innocent nature always melted her heart whenever he opened his mouth. In a slightly better mood, she walked over to him and hooked her arm through his.

„I'm doing great. But enough about me—let's finally go eat. Dinner's on me!" she exclaimed excitedly and pulled the shy boy, still linked to her, along with her. At first, he was surprised, but then he let out a small giggle as she dragged him along, also looking forward to the meal. Baku and Gotak brightened up at the mention of free food and dragged a reluctant Sieun along with them.

The five friends chatted about all sorts of things as Serim walked in the middle of them. To her right was Jun-tae, whose arm she was still holding, and to her left was a quiet Sieun, who couldn't suppress a small smile. Gotak and Baku walked on the outer sides, and the girl suddenly had a good feeling. Maybe everything would turn out okay, as long as she had her old and new friends by her side. She felt safer than ever, and the memories of the afternoon faded as the group walked through the dark streets, louder than any one person, laughing into the fresh night air.

Sometimes, life could be beautiful.

—

The five friends were sitting in the restaurant, eating happily and chatting loudly. It had gotten late, and by now, the place was empty—but that didn't bother the teenagers, who could now talk as freely and loudly as they liked. Baku was feeding the girl, and Jun-Tae kept choking on his drink because Gotak would hit him every time he laughed—which, coincidentally, happened only when Jun-Tae was drinking. Serim savored the time with her friends and laughed along joyfully. Even Sieun, who was usually quiet and emotionless, had opened up a bit and cracked a few smiles.

Each of them had needed this moment more than they realized, though none of them said it aloud. Serim's friends were healing wounds they hadn't caused, and for a brief moment, everything felt okay. In the small, now-empty restaurant, there was nothing but the group of friends and their loud laughter breaking the silence.

But like all things in life, these moments were temporary. The girl was suddenly yanked back to reality when her phone rang loudly—just as Baku was about to tell his fifth exaggerated story that definitely hadn't happened that way. Her heart skipped a beat, and everyone froze in place.

„Who's calling you this late?" Jun-Tae asked cautiously, looking at her with wide, concerned eyes.

Serim said nothing, trying to distract her friends as best as she could. She had a strong suspicion about who it might be, but she didn't want to face it—and ruin the moment—so she just waved it off.

„Ah, it's probably just a friend who wants to ask me something. But this is way more important!" she said quickly, trying to dismiss it, and shoved a filled roll into Jun-Tae's mouth with her chopsticks.

The boy's eyes widened as he suddenly coughed in surprise at the gesture. Hyun-Tak clapped him hard on the back to help him.

„Yah, Serim! You almost fucking killed him! You know he has a small mouth!" he scolded her and handed the helpless boy a glass of water, which he gratefully took and drank in a few big gulps. Tears welled in his eyes, and he looked absolutely wrecked. Serim felt awful.

She apologized a thousand times, but he smiled at her and reassured her it was okay—though she didn't take it lightly. Her phone had gone silent again, and she let out a breath of relief before apologizing once more.

„Lee Serim, who was that?"

Baku's voice was serious, and the girl froze. She had just been wiping Jun-Tae's mouth when she stopped mid-motion. Baku's tone was no longer amused like it had been a few minutes ago—it was cold and stern, and it scared her. Baku was never this serious.

She turned to him slowly and met his gaze. His expression was serious, and a chill ran down her spine. By now, the others had fallen silent too, watching the standoff between the two friends without saying a word. Serim's heart stopped.

„I told you... probably just a friend of mine," she said quietly and calmly. Even though her heart had just dropped into her stomach, she didn't let it show. She forced herself to appear as relaxed as possible.

„You're lying. Your cheeks are turning red."

Fuck! She hadn't thought about that. Serim had the unfortunate habit of turning red and hoarse whenever she got caught in a lie. Her friends knew this all too well, which is why she almost never got away with lying. The few times she had succeeded were only because it was too dark to see her face—or the boys simply weren't paying attention. But if you really looked, it was obvious.

Instinctively, she reached for her cheek and felt how warm it was. She was trapped, and there was nothing she could do.

„And let's be honest—you don't have any other friends besides us," Gotak chimed in, earning a smack on the back of the head from Sieun. The boy cursed under his breath and rubbed the sore spot as he slumped back in his seat.

„Fucking asshole," he muttered, though Sieun heard it and shot him a stern look, making him apologize right away.

„Baku, I swear, I don't know. I didn't even look at my phone," the girl admitted, ashamed, as she looked back at him.

Just like a scene out of a bad movie, her phone started ringing again at that exact moment, and she was on the verge of throwing it against the wall.

Before she could react, Baku, now visibly annoyed, snatched the phone from her and answered the call. Serim's heart froze as she instinctively lunged for the phone—but Baku was faster. She had no choice but to stare at him in disbelief.

Everyone else at the table held their breath as Baku spoke into the phone.

„Who are you, and what the fuck do you want from her?" His voice was full of anger, and his gaze stayed locked on the girl, who was now holding her breath too.

The voice on the other end wasn't clear—the phone volume was too low—and a few agonizing seconds passed in total silence. Serim took deep breaths to try and calm herself, but it didn't help.

Thousands of scenarios raced through her head, and she suddenly felt sick. She prayed it wasn't Seong-Je—if it was, this could really end in a bloodbath this time.

„I'm coming. And if you're not there... I'll fucking kill you with my own hands," Baku said at last, breaking the painful silence.

Everyone stared at him. Gotak looked at the girl in confusion, but she knew exactly who was on the other end of that line. Her prayers hadn't been answered. She and her friends were in serious trouble.

Baku hung up and threw the phone onto the table before suddenly standing up and running out the door.

„Yah, Baku! Come back here right now!" the girl shouted after him, trying to grab his arm—but she was too slow. He had already disappeared through the door.

„Fucking hell," Gotak swore in frustration, then ran after him. The girl stared after him, completely stunned. Seriously, what had she gotten herself into? What was Baku planning?

Whatever it was, it didn't sound good. She was terrified her worst fears might come true tonight. Sieun gave the girl one last, silent look before he, too, ran outside—leaving behind a quiet Jun-Tae and a panicked Serim in the empty restaurant.

taglist: @gacktsa @dripoftheseus @rockerica @b3eutyist3rror @jaymiwrld @urfavsagsblog @shonerd @mordessaa @inhoswifee @wagawana @floofbloop @evashp @heeknow @feralmaneater

#enemies to lovers #fanfic #geum seong je x reader #kdrama #toxic #weak hero class two #geum seong je #weak hero class x reader #weak hero class 1 #weak hero class one #geum seongje #keum seongje #seongje x reader #wolf keum

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afriendstolovers · 2 days ago

Text

Oh hi! I have another Everlark drabble to share! :)

I noticed I'm writing them through the seasons and I loved the concept so much I decided to start a little project. The spring one has already been posted and now you'll have winter, which was fairly inspired by the following quote: “I want you to make a list of all of your favorite things, and I want to be on it”, from Ignite Me by Tahereh Mafi. Forgive me for any mistakes as English isn't my first language and I myself did the beta work.

I hope you like it! Enjoy!

•••

The idea comes on a snowy winter night, when she’s writing down with deep concentration and neat handwriting every little thing she remembers about her father. A tender jolt of longing takes place in her heart as she recalls his love for freshly picked raspberries, dances with his girls and swimming sessions in the lake, and the paragraph shapes itself without her even noticing until she takes a pause to read the words.

Eternalized in black ink are Burdock Everdeen’s favorite things, and the soft gasp she lets out reaches her husband’s attentive ears. He makes his way to her with two mugs full of hot chocolate and a curious frown on his face.

“Peeta”, she calls over the faint noise of the burning firewood, her voice so clearly laced with expectation. “I had an idea.”

“Tell me about it, my dearest”, he leaves the mugs on the coffee table and scoops her up, sitting on the sofa with her on his lap. A couple of blank pages fall to the floor with the movement, but neither of them mind the mess.

“It’s for the memory book”, she lays her head on his shoulder, the faint scent of cinnamon engulfing her senses. He hums and she continues, “What if we make lists of all the things they loved? Not long ones. Just– a couple of things.”

He’s taking a careful sip, so she waits patiently for him to say something. “Like a list of favorite things?”

She nods and reaches for her mug – the drink tastes so good she cannot help but let out a satisfied moan, which brings a proud smile to his lips. She finds it endearing that he always anticipates her reactions to his cooking.

“I think it’s an excellent idea”, he says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers caressing down her face until he gently holds her chin and kisses her mouth. “I like it.”

“Good”, she extends the sweet contact as much as he lets her, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck where they’re softer for some reason. “I accidentally started with my dad. Will you help me go back and add it to the others?”

“Of course”, he agrees, and she should go and grab her things for them to start, but the feeling of his hands running up and down her thighs stops her completely. She revels in the warm touch, suddenly way too comfortable right where she is to bother with the idea of doing any other thing besides existing with him in that moment. When another minute passes and she still hasn’t moved, he chuckles and nuzzles the top of her head. “So?”

“I guess we can work on it later? I’m enjoying a favorite thing of mine now. With my favorite person”, she hides in his chest, feeling like a teenager with her cheeks wanting to turn red even though the calendar shows that she turned twenty-four just a couple of months ago.

“Oh, no problem. That makes two of us”, he hugs her waist, sighing contentedly. “The lists can wait.”

Her answer comes out muffled by his shirt. “Yes, they can.”

#everlark #katniss everdeen x peeta mellark #everlark drabble #everlark fanfiction #thg fanfiction #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg #the hunger games #gege writes #can you tell i love kisses?#and soft!katniss?#and peeta using all terms of endearment with her?#sigh i love them so much #my pookies

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dingodad · 3 days ago

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re, discussions of whether equius could have stopped his own murder at any time, i feel like. the answer is literally. right there in the commentary:

"But the point is, I think the gist of what I was saying about this back then was that Equius could have stopped this from happening any time, which IIRC, seemed to be a controversial statement."

"Not only could he have clocked this jackoff clown into outer space any time he wanted, he didn't even necessarily need to die of asphyxiation."

"The real problem isn't his lack of strength or heroism, it's his pathological subservience, and perhaps even more troubling, a certain enjoyment of what is taking place here. Maybe people who loved Equius just didn't want to have to face the truth about him, which is that when the chips are down, he's actually just a loser who can't overcome his most base urges, his racism, his fetishism, his deep craving for ludicrous situations of domination."

(hussie commentary for page 3448).

which i think just flat out lays out that equius died because he is a pussy who worships the hemospectrum lmfao, and honestly i think it does lend itself to the assertion that equius would have behaved this way even if nepeta had already died at gamzee's hands slash clubs. this bit here, in particular:

"He masterfully wields this weapon of nobility that he knows Equius has never been able to wield. And he does it to force subservience, which he knows Equius is conflicted about offering but probably would have offered anyway." (hussie commentary, 3439).

and like, for me personally, the commentary- and the text itself- don't really lend itself to a theory that equius was approaching this encounter under the belief that they were going to hook up or something (????? i am aware i am vagueing the take on halhorse's post.) because he does say things like "i would just like to say .... goodbye...." to nepeta in seek the highblood. in which case it really does seem like he knows this is a death situation. and karkat is very upfront about it! he literally says "gamzee is on a death rampage" and equius gets blushy about it.

and i really just do not understand how the idea that equius would have fought back if nepeta had died first jives with reality in that case, because equius is already Aware that this situation is dangerous, like, people may die dangerous. karkat is adamant about it. he knows gamzee is out there trying to kill people, he is aware that he might be going to die. is he so stupid that he thinks gamzee is just gonna get done murdering him and go okay. i got off on snuffing this weirdo i've been flirting with. i'm normal now. CLEARLY HE IS GOING TO KEEP KILLING PEOPLE INCLUDING NEPETA?????????????? "equius let himself die- got off on it!!!!!- knowing gamzee was going to keep going on to kill people, including his moirail" is not morally superior than "equius sees gamzee kill his moirail and is still unable to fight back or avenge her and gets off on dying about it" i just don't get it. we have to stop Big Zahhak

the thing is you dont even need to delve into after-the-fact commentary to support this reading. andrew hussie answered like four or five formspring questions in a row on the exact day that equius' death happened back in february 2011 that pretty clearly outline the exact intention of this scene lol

#long post

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nvxzaa · 13 hours ago

Text

── .✦ Baby

Masterlist

Pairing : Lee Felix x reader

Word : 1.6k

Genre : fluff

Warning : Felix using is deep voice🙂‍↕️

In the vibrant backstage dressing room, barely thirty minutes before the concert begins, the members of Stray Kids are scattered between warm-ups, nervous laughter and final adjustments. At the back of the room, seated on a large black sofa, Felix slouched nonchalantly, his left hand firmly wrapped around Yn's waist, cradled half on top of him, both legs resting on his knees. He's scrolling through messages on his phone with his other hand, jaw slack, hair still damp from a make-up touch-up.

Yn, for her part, is in the midst of a verbal duel with Lee Know, eyebrows furrowed in that intensity typical of an unnecessarily serious discussion.

- I'm telling you it's impossible," retorts Lee Know. Even in theory, it doesn't make sense. Intention doesn't count more than action, not in this context.

- Wrong," cuts in Yn, waving a hand to back up his words. Intention is the driving force. Action without intention is just a reflex. You don't punish someone the same way depending on whether they meant to do harm or were just clumsy. Even in law, it's a fundamental distinction.

Felix, half-concentrated on his screen, has the corner of his lips lift. He knows she won't let go.

- It's not philosophy, it's logic," insists Lee Know, leaning against a dressing table. You can't say that thinking about doing something is the same as doing it.

Yn raises an eyebrow, calmly.

- So in your opinion, a person who thinks about betraying, but never does it, is no big deal? Do you want us to wait for her to press the red button before worrying? What if she regrets before then? Doesn't her inner struggle count for anything? Intentions are what define us. Not just what we do when someone looks at us.

Silence.

Even the stylist putting away the wigs pauses for a moment, eyes wide. Changbin, from a distance, mumbles an interested "hmm". A staff camera, set up in a corner to capture "natural" moments in the dressing room, films the whole scene. Felix, still concentrating on his phone, stops briefly. Then, in a deeper voice than usual, without even looking at her, he lets out in a whisper that seems to come straight from his gut:

- Baby...

Lee Know blinks. The staff holds back a chuckle. Yn doesn't flinch. She's used to it.

- I'm not saying that thinking is doing," she resumes calmly, crossing her arms, still perched on her crossed legs. I'm saying that what we choose to think, ends up coloring who we are. And sooner or later, it shows. You can't live with the idea that what's in your head has no consequences. It's the beginning of everything, good and bad.

Felix finally puts down his phone. He looks down at her, a thin smile on his lips, watching her as if she'd just redefined the universe. His hand around her waist tightens slightly.

- ...Have you eaten today? Because right now, you're philosophizing about the universe on an empty stomach, and I'm not sure I'm ready for an existential crisis before I go on stage.

Yn laughs softly. She grabs a lock of her hair and wraps it around her finger.

- Think about it after the show, baby.

Lee Know shakes his head, half defeated, half admiring.

- I'm tired of you.

- You too, Minho. But you're funny when you lose," she replies with a wink.

And somewhere, the camera keeps rolling.

The camera is still rolling. Discreet but well placed. Staff love moments like this - nuggets for vlogs or behind-the-scenes that show the real them.

Lee Know mumbles something in his beard, gets up to fetch a bottle of water, clearly brooding over his rhetorical defeat. Felix tilts his head slightly towards Yn, his fingers tapping on his hip like a silent metronome.

- Would you like me to put some honey in your tea afterwards?" he asks, his voice soft and light again, as if his grave declaration of a minute ago had never existed.

- Do you have any honey?" she asks, turning around to get a better look.

- I always hide some in my bag. Have you forgotten what a pain you are when your throat's dry? You're like a cat that never stops moaning.

- Wow. Love is strong," comments Seungmin from a nearby chair, headphones around her neck. Public insult, but with a bag of honey in return.

Felix laughs softly, shoulder shaking Yn in the process. She laughs too, that muffled little giggle she gets when she's trying to stay angry but can't. Then she leans forward slightly to rest her forehead against his collarbone, allowing herself just a moment of calm against him, while the commotion backstage continues.

- Are you stressed?" she asks softly, just for him.

- A little," he admits. Not for the show, but... I know you don't like too much noise. And tonight, there are, like, ten times as many pyros as usual.

- I know. But don't worry about me. But don't worry about me, I'll be wearing my earplugs. Besides... I've got you," she adds, lifting her chin to look at him. As long as I can see you, I'm fine. You've got everything under control. Even the fire.

Felix stares at her for a second, a mixture of admiration and raw tenderness in his eyes.

- You're killing me when you talk like that, baby. I don't even know how you do it.

- I'm used to thinking," she reminded him, tapping his temple.

And as if he couldn't help himself, he leans in and kisses her quickly on the corner of the mouth. Not a show kiss, not a kiss for the camera - just a kiss because he needed to. She smiles, her cheeks barely rosy, but she keeps her composure, as always.

One of the stylists pokes his head in at the entrance:

- Ten minutes, guys!

Felix straightens up a little, but keeps his hand on Yn, like an anchor. She finally moves her legs down from her knees to give him space, but stays to one side. Lee Know passes by them again, bottle in hand.

- Good. Okay. As for intentions... maybe you're not totally wrong," he mumbles.

Yn smiles triumphantly.

- Thanks, Yn. I'll have it engraved in a mug.

The staff in the corner discreetly give the camera a thumbs-up. This scene will most likely end up in a touching montage, with soft music in the background. And fans will no doubt later focus on the precise moment when Felix whispers "baby..." in that voice he reserves only for her - without even realizing it.

"After the scene, in the quiet“

Later that evening, the stage lights are out, the screams have died down, and everyone is scattered in their hotel rooms, exhausted but euphoric. Felix, still in his jogging bottoms and tank top, his hair damp from a quick shower, sits cross-legged at the end of the bed. Yn is leaning against the pillow, a cloth mask over her face, her phone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. A towel draped over her shoulders still soaks up a few drops of cold sweat.

- Have you seen the tweets?" she asks without looking up.

- No, I've barely checked my notifications... Why? Are they bitching because I missed a step?" he worries for a moment, frowning.

- Not at all," she murmurs with a mocking laugh. You're the tweet, baby.

He looks up, intrigued.

- What kind of sick phrase is that?

She holds out her phone to him.

On the screen: a video montage already reposted hundreds of times. Their scene in the dressing room, captured by the staff, is circulating everywhere. The serious, unexpected, heartfelt "Baby..." sequence is isolated, slowed down, amplified, remixed... even put in the background of a dramatic fan edit with violins.

Felix bursts out laughing at a tweet that reads:

🧎‍♀️"The baby... with his demon voice straight from the underworld, I'll never get over it. Felix... YOU OWE US AN EXPLANATION."

Another tweet:

"Yn remaining unperturbed as he calls her baby like it's a prayer. This woman is blessed, I'm sick of it."

And again:

"Lee Know being debated by Yn, Felix falling even more silently in love, Seungmin commenting like an uncle... it was a backstage stage MASTERCLASS."

Felix runs his hand over his face, blushing.

- Seriously... is that what marked them? Like, not the fireworks, not the high note I worked on for two weeks, but... this?

Yn stifles a laugh under his mask.

- Babe. They know you. They didn't even know you had that voice. It's like you're possessed by Cupid, ASMR version.

- It's not my fault, I was concentrating and you came out with your lawyer monologue. I didn't even mean to...

He grimaces, embarrassed, then looks at her, more tenderly.

- ...But frankly, yeah. I think I was just thinking about how brilliant you are. And I think my brain short-circuited. That's what happened. Now all Twitter thinks is that I have a fetish for lodge philosophical debates.

- That's because you do, isn't it?

- Maybe a little," he admits, moving closer to her on the bed. He rests his head gently against her belly, eyes closed.

- I'm screwed, aren't I?" he murmurs.

- You already were, a long time ago," she replies, gently stroking his hair.

He smiles, his eyes half closed.

- Do you think they'll calm down?

Yn shrugs, amused.

- Have you forgotten that they have the power to make a deep-voiced baby become a trend TikTok? It'll take you three weeks.

Felix sighs into his belly, resigned. Then he looks up at her, his smile tired but happy.

- At least they taste good.

She throws a pillow in his face.

Muffled laughter, thrown pillows, and an exploding Twitter.

Just another night at Stray Kids.

#skz #skz stray kids #skz x reader #x yn #stray kids #lee felix skz #felix x you #felix x y/n #felix lee #stray kids felix #lee felix #felix x reader #felix #skz fluff

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super-ion · 3 days ago

Text

The klaxons scream as rushing air whips violently at my hair.

I shove Jorgesson through the pressure hatch before it slams shut.

The wind abates slightly, but there's still a leak somewhere in the hangar bay. I have no idea what happened, a pressure seal on the main cargo bay lock went out. Maybe it was a faulty part, maybe we took a meteor hit. I have no idea.

The pressure lock comm box crackles to life next to me. I can barely hear it over the wind and the klaxons.

"Yvonne!"

"Yeah, I'm here!" I reply.

I am soft spoken by nature. I learned a long time ago to keep my voice low to avoid attention. Raising my voice now shocks me, there's something deep and resonant to it... but not in a bad way. I don't know how to describe it.

My thoughts are cut off as the box crackles again.

"We got Jorgesson, but Amahle is unaccounted for. Do you have eyes on her?"

I whip around, wincing as my tail slams painfully into the bulkhead.

There. Amahle is down, her leg is pinned under a fallen stack of crates. She still has her eva suit on, but no helmet in sight.

Oh shit.

There is no time to think and I lunge towards the lockers. The door is unresponsive, but that doesn't mean shit to razor sharp claws as hard as diamonds. I shred through the metal like paper and toss the door to my own locker aside. There, sitting right where I left it, is my helmet.

I haven't touched it since the incident.

I pluck it gingerly from the rack and sprint to where Amahle lies pinned.

The air is getting thin now. She blinks up in a daze. The display on her suit flashes a whole series of status alerts. Critical injury, seek medical attention. Suit integrity okay.

I sag in relief at that.

"Yv?" she mumbles.

"Hey, we gotta get this on you," I reply.

"I can't," she says, struggling feebly. "This is yours."

She looks at the helmet, chipped and worn white paint with the bright pink stripe. The whole crew made a big to-do about surprising me with the paint job five years ago when I finally got off my shit and decided to start living authentically as me.

That was the first time I ever cried from joy.

I force a smile.

"It's not going to fit me any more," I say, tapping one of the horns spiraling out of my skull.

I help her get it on. My claws are too big to fit the latches, but she manages.

Her suit stops screaming its pressure alarm. Her leg is still crushed and medsys says she has three broken ribs, but she's not in danger from depressurization any more.

I can't exactly say the same for me.

I'm so much stronger than I used to be. I toss aside the container pinning Amahle down with no effort at all.

I lift her into my arms, careful not to jostle her leg. A flap of my wings and I'm standing by the emergency air lock just as it cycles open.

Alexei and Sáez take her out of my arms and lay her down.

Sáez looks back at me urgently, but we both know I won't fit in the vestibule, let alone the hatch leading into it.

I shake my head.

"Get her safe," I tell them. "I'll be fine."

I tap a claw against the control and the hatch slides shut.

This is it then... I thump to the deck and wrap my wings around me, waiting for the inevitable moment when the last of the air runs out.

At some point, I must have stopped breathing, but I'm still alive. The realization comes slow. It's impossible, isn't it?

But then, a lot of impossible things have happened in the last few weeks.

"Yvonne?"

I can't hear the voice exactly, there’s no air left in the hangar. But I can... I don't even know how to describe it.

My ears flick and I raise my head.

"Essie?"

And then... holy shit. I can see her. It's like every single power and data conduit is made of light, blazing through the bulkheads. The entire system of the Esperanza is laid out before me. It's like the loss of air has somehow awakened some new perception inside me.

"Am I dead?" I ask. Again, not in words, but... I don't know, am I somehow speaking in radio frequencies?

"I do not believe so," Essie replies.

I unfold my changed body and stand up.

I feel the hum of her beneath my taloned feet. I drag a single claw along one of her conduits where I perceive that same living thrum of her.

It's a silly thing, falling in love with your ship's ai. It's one of those things everyone jokingly tells you not to do. But she was there for me when I was at my lowest.

"How do you feel?" she asks.

"Fine," I admit. "Better than fine."

I spread my wings and try to understand the sudden feeling of longing in my chest.

The cargo bay feels so small to me now. It's like some ironic reflection of my whole existence, trying to force myself to be small, unnoticed.

"Can you open the cargo bay doors?" I ask her.

"Under normal circumstances, I would not recommend it," she replies.

"This isn't normal circumstances though."

She seems to pause to consider this for a moment and then the yellow warning lights begin to flash mutely. The cargo bay has been my whole universe for two weeks now, ever since I grew too big to fit comfortably in the rest of the ship.

Now the wall splits open, revealing infinite black, dusted with stars.

I can't even begin to try to understand the physics of how this works, but I spread my wings and suddenly I am sailing into the void.

Essie drops away below me and I am flying alongside her. Her crew, my family, are safe inside. Maybe they watch in wonder as midnight black scales blot out the stars.

Things will be different now, for sure, but things have been getting different for a while now.

I gotta transform something, send me prompt ideas

#my writing #writers on tumblr #transgender #transformation #dragon #scifi #science fiction

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mystxmomo · 19 hours ago

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I love your posts on Vhaeraun! They're really grounded in his character and I appreciate that you went into the reasoning behind his actions while not dismissing that he sometimes does messed up things. I've been insane about drow lore for years now and I'm curious about your thoughts on Eilistraee. She's such an interesting character to me in that while she obviously cares about the drow and seeks their freedom the way she goes about it come off almost naive at times. But at the same time she has a deep melancholy and temper. And she opposes Lolth but her clergy still operates similarly at times with the exclusion of males and almost dogmatic reluctance to accept change. Idk I think her contradictions are interesting and she's not frequently explored beyond a shallow, romanticized lens. Sorry for ranting lol but if you have any thoughts on her I would love to hear them!

Yeeeah. I'm glad you sent this, actually. I have another ask that I'm writing up a longer answer for dealing with Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship, and to get into why I see their relationship like I do I had to sit down and spend the first part of that analyzing her character. So, I'm actually happy that I have the chance to separate the post into parts, both for length and just keeping things concise.

First off, yeah. I think the important thing about DnD gods is that they're as "human" as they are. They're not omnipotent, they're deeply flawed people and characters with motivations and histories that color their perspective on things. I think a more grounded approach to them is "the correct one" (in as much as any interpretation in DND can be a correct one, but my thoughts on that still remain that they're just building blocks for you to do as you'd like with.

Now. This post is going to be equally long. I actually have a lot of thoughts on Eilistraee, but to explore the thoughts that I have on her we need to go into the bigger real world concepts that influence her and the idea's around her. So, I do feel that a few disclaimers going into this before I hit it with our read-more are necessary.

I'm going to format this post a little differently than I did Vhaeruan's. The thing about Vhaeraun's character is that within the books and DnD proper, he's meant to be an evil. Right. So it's not very hard to get people on board with the idea that in their attempts to demonize him, they managed to create a compelling abuse narrative. However. Eilistraee and her church, as you mentioned, often ends up getting seen through this incredibly romanticized lens especially within in the role she plays in drow society. So when her church doesn't have the best portrayal in these books, there's seemingly this community impulse to disregard those portrayals as something lesser or like they hold less narrative weight because they don't play into the better parts of the church.

So I want to start this post by creating a groundwork using things that are strictly from the source books and official magazines, and then building on that to lend weight to the portrayals her and her church is given within the novels. And then I will get into sourcing things like Evermeet, War of the Spider Queen, and Lady Penitent when I talk about Eilistraee and Vhaeraun's relationship.

Secondly, you'll notice I mentioned her church a lot here. Eilistraee is in an interesting position. Unlike Vhaeraun and Lolth (Of who I believe the books are rather explicit about where and how their motivations differ from their churches) Eilistraee really doesn't get as much of that treatment. We're told some things about how she holds herself and what she values, but she's purposefully left as an enigma. You have to make a lot more assumptions about who she is based around the community around her.

Now, I DO think the gods are separate people from their churches, and often times do hold different views to the communities that are devoted to them. My favorite example being Vhaeraun being genuinely far more chill about woman than his church is, and you can see it in the way he has to go "Yes, oh my god, you even need to help the female drow rogues no matter what."

So, I want to explore her church and what is seen as "good" within it in relationship to her, though I do promise to account for the fact that it is not her. I just think that there are some conclusions you can draw about her based on her church.

Finally, same disclaimer I gave in Vhaeraun Analysis is worth giving here. I am about to focus on Eilistraee and her church in a lot of very critical ways. I don't hate Eilistraee, I think a lot of people do use character criticism as an excuse to engage in character hate, so I understand why people get a little defensive about it sometimes. But I think she's genuinely a very fascinating character, and the criticisms I have are part of the reason I'm so interested in her and who she is. I'm an author who's main interest comes from exploring these heavier themes of abuse and trauma and exploring how real world cultural influences show within art.

Basically. This is fun for me, and if it's not fun for you, you don't have to take my analysis as anything more then one persons insane ramblings on the internet. This is a red string board of media analysis. It's also a LOT more subjective and has a lot of my opinions baked into it as a result of what we're going to get into, so. Make of it what you will.

Now. This pre read-more part of the post is already quite long, but as a final note. I'm going to be getting into a lot of heavier topics here. Abuse is obvious given the drow, but I actually want to get into specfically emotionally abusive structures, what cultural catholicism is, and passive sexism (Especially with Gender Elitism) and how these ideas and their existence within our cultural effects her church.

Okay!

So, I will actually start on a more positive note:

I'm not going to be criticizing the nudity or sexuality of her church. I have made mention in the past that I'm of the belief that the drow and the cultures around it, despite often being played rather straight in-universe as horror and cult abusive narratives, were things created on a Doylist level to be very titillating, sexually explicit, and horrifying. I don't think this is a bad thing and I don't think it discredits the weight these characters and stories end up having. And in fact, I think these stories could only be as strong as they are because they were fueled by being as emotionally charged as they are (Sexuality is an emotion.)

I think. And I acknowledge that this one is a very subjective opinion, but my opinion you will have nonetheless. I think, in a time where cultural puritanical-ism is at it's height, it's actually growing to be very important to have casual portrayals of sexuality and nudity, let ALONE nonsexual nudity. I've always been of the opinion that it's fine. Let woman go topless (if that's something you want to explore of course, the beauty of DnD remains if you DON'T want to include it you don't have to. But to deny it as a source of inspiration would feel incorrect.)

So I'm not going to be criticizing the nudity and sexuality of it all when it comes to her church. I think it's fun, I think there are ways you can explore that in a meaningful way, and I think something is being done thematically there that's worth keeping and examining as is given to us.

Secondarily. While there are things I'm going to be critical of with her church, there are things I really, really love about her church. I think the thing that tends to draw people into her isn't all the things I'm about to talk about, but rather the focus on drow as a people with art, and culture, and community. And this is something I really like about her church as well. Having something that puts divine weight on the importance of these things speaks to a lot of people I think, especially given that DnD was created in fuckle America land of the "Continuing to cut more and more from arts and humanities and community everyday." Her religion really is the only of the drow religions that puts this much emphasis on celebrating that.

I like domestic fantasy. I prefer it to hero's journeys actually, but if I start talking about that I'll get off topic.

So yes. I think there is a reason she and her church gets as romanticized as it does. It's built into the text to be romanticized, because the people who originally made it were romanticizing it.

Okay. so with THOSE two things spoken for. Lets get into the nitty gritty.

DnD and it's alignment system, at it's core, has always had something of an issue with the cultural Catholicism of it all. Cultural Catholicism is the idea that when you're raised in a society where the dominant religion is Christian-Catholic, even if you yourself are not Catholic it's likely you'll still pick up idea's of Catholicism within your own morality, and that those ideas will be echoed within the media you consume because as it is the dominant culture it influences what is seen as acceptable. You don't have to be Catholic, or even be raised as Catholic, to end up holding a lot of trauma and shame regarding ideas that are only considered shameful through the lens of Catholicism. As an example, a lot of people are still taught to feel a lot of shame around nudity and sex as a result of living in a society who's dominant religion influences the way conversations around it are handled.

So. To make my point about this, I would like to start by exploring the concept of Sin Eating.

The Silver Haired Knights were a concept introduced in Dragon Magazine #315. Dragon Magazine, if you don't know, if an official supplement material in the age before the internet. Now, it's worth noting. This was 3e-3.5e, which was the start of their attempts to double down on the demonization of all drow. Nonetheless, I think they thought this was a good thing and I still see it talked about today in some communities as a Good Thing:tm:.

Sin Eating is an ability that the Silver Haired Knights contain. I'm going to copy and paste from the wiki rather than Dragon Magazine itself because it summarizes it far better than the Dragon Magazine article does, though the Dragon Magazine article isn't hard to find, I implore you to go read it for yourself to get the full context of the class.

Powerful Silverhair Knights had the ability to "consume sins", to take the full weight of cruelty and suffering inflicted by evil beings' (mostly fey, humanoids, monstrous humanoids, and giants, but especially drow) upon themselves, which gave the Silverhair Knights their nickname: sin eaters. This was a complex and dangerous ritual, taking some minutes, that required the sin eater to maintain uninterrupted physical contact with their subject. The subject creature could be willing or unwilling, usually kept bound in the latter cases, or else unaware of the sin eater's intent if the sin eater chose to disguise it. When fully performed, the target creature felt the weight of all their sins on their conscience, understanding firsthand the errors of their ways. In cases of success, the target creatures were freed from their evil, regretted their past actions, and chose a different path from evil, often taking after the Knight, while the sins themselves were absorbed into the sin eater's soul and destroyed in the light of their purity and faith. In cases of failure, the sin eaters themselves were overcome by the absorbed sins; filled with despair, grief, rage, drained of their vitality, and fell into a coma for a full day. This could potentially kill the sin eater, but they would rise again as a ghost, with the same evil ways as the one they had tried to redeem. A sin eater could only attempt this risky ritual once a week, and only perform it on an individual sinner once a year.

I think this is, a little gross actually! To view this as a moral positive you have to believe in four things.

One, that sin and the weight of it is real on a metaphysical level (I do not.) Two, that redemption is earned strictly with forgiveness (I do not), Three, that people who are "pure" are noble by nature of being pure (I do not) and Four, that doing things without peoples consent to make them a "Better Person" is an inherent moral good, and anything done in the name of making someone live a "more ethical lifestyle" is an equal inherent good (Which I REALLY do not believe in. What is "good." Why is "good." How are you so sure your idea of good is so correct that it is work inflicting violence upon another person over, and in this context, changing the core of who they are over.)

The modern idea of purity, sin, and redemption, all come from Christianity. It is the idea that you need to work to be forgiven. It puts moral weight on the guilt and discomfort people feel for not only their past actions, but the past actions of the community around them. That you need to save others from their sin and from "evil."

To DnD, Good and Evil have an Aesthetic. You can be a good person that does violent things so long as it's for "good" reasons, and you can be an evil person that does good things however those good things are still considered evil because you yourself are bad. It's this idea of evil not as this very nuanced ethical dilemma, but instead as something that can be "Removed" from someone. I do not believe in this. I don't believe in the concept of sin (In that I don't believe in the concept of spiritual transgression or the idea of it as a corruptive influence) I don't believe in the concept of redemption (On a religious level of being absolved of it). I believe in people and their actions and how they respond to their circumstance, and I believe in people choosing to do better than they did yesterday. And this is one of the big flaws of Eilistraee's church and world view to me. Because to believe in Eilistraee's Churches Dogma, you have to accept the idea that drow need to work to be accepted. That it is their moral responsibility to show other people that they deserve their place in the world. And I don't believe that.

Although her arrow went astray because of Araushnee's treachery, Eilistraee chose banishment from Arvandor (and the Seldarine) along with her mother and brother, foreseeing a time when she would be needed to balance their evil. On Toril, the Dark Maiden strove for centuries against the hatred of Vhaeraun and his corrupting influence on the Ilythiiri (southern, darkskinned elves).

We don't know how much of Eilistraee's churches dogma's are her own. But based around how she talks about and views the drow under her brother and her mother (Cited above), I am willing to make the assumption that she sincerely does believe they need to earn their place in the world. And that's... It's kind of a depressing world view, isn't it? No community needs to earn acceptance and approval of others. To be allowed to exist should be enough.

...

Not unlike how I think a lot of Vhaeraun fans want to kind of swerve around the drow racism of it all, I think a lot of interpretations of Eilistraee really don't want to acknowledge the sexism of it all. But not unlike how I think the racism of Vhaeraun is deeply important to understanding how he see's the world, Eilistraee's churches specific brand of sexism and how it is an echo of Lolth's is DEEPLY important to understanding her and the culture around her.

In a way, I think ignoring the sexism of her church is worse..? Because often times, I'm met with the impression that it's not that we're CHOOSING not to include it, it's that we're not aware that it is sexism, right? There are a lot of people who, because of the romanticized idea they have of her (and because, admittedly of my own belief, of what is normalized in our culture and dominant religions) just don't view her sexism as a sexism, or believe her churches sexism to be a less severe form of it. I think both in the real world and in the in-character context of the text, the passive sexism of Eilistraee's church tends to get downplayed because it exists in conversation with the more explicit and violent idea's of Lolth's church.

Let's talk about Gender Elitism. You're almost definitely familiar with the concept of it, but. Term needs described nonetheless.

Gender Elitism is the idea that some genders are inherently superior to others. That they are, by nature of the existence of being that gender, inherently more valuable, more knowledgeable, more deserving of privilege and authority. There is no way to build a truly inclusive community with any kind Gender elitism as the framework. The idea that woman are inherently more valuable or more knowledgeable or more spiritually attuned is in itself a sexist ideology, and in the real world is often a reflection of sexist ideas of the inherent spirituality of womanhood.

And well.

All clergy of Eilistraee must be female, but they may be of any intelligent race.

I don't think people are often willing to meet the text where it's at. in the books, there's very clearly a self aware inversion of patriarchy -> matriarchy and a destruction of passive patriarchy through the lens of fantasy sexism.

However. Unlike the cultural Catholicism of DND and it's surrounding idea's of good and evil, I actually don't mind it's inclusion within the text. The written prose with DND (in recent years) are generally actually pretty self-aware of this flaw of the church, and a lot of authors purposefully play into the themes of it. And it makes sense to have it be included within the world building given what what this religion is in response to with Lolth's being the dominant religion of society. Eilistraee's church tends to reach out and recruit fallen nobility, and these are woman who are going to keep the views and want to keep holding the power that they do within their communities.

When you look at the kind of sexism Eilistraee's church is guilty of when in contrast with Lolth's, it's more palatable it's something I think men and well meaning woman alike raised in a lolth society would see as better. These are a group of people who already grew up believing woman to be born intrinsically more important by nature of that birth-rite. I don't think it's bad writing to have the conclusion that the Good church comes to be "Because we're not beating and killing these men, we have defeated sexism," while not addressing the core of where that mentality came from, and as a result still replicating a lot of exclusion and dismissing the importance of the lives of the men around them. Because that's a reflection of real life. I think even in real life, people struggle to sympathize with men and especially men who are victims of abuse, and it's something that blinds them to how they're engaging with this media.

Instead, my argument is that it's bad media analysis to ignore thats whats happening in an attempt to stick to this romanticized idea of the church.

So. That's the two big things with Eilistraee's Church. That's the lead-up to exploring Eilistraee as a character. But what does all of this say about her. How do we explore Eilistraee as a person as a result of all of this. Because, as I mentioned, the gods are separate from their church. A lot of gods do hold different values to their churches and different idea's then what their churches end up doing.

So let's dial this back a little bit and actually examine Eilistraee as a person. I'm going to post how she's described, and then I'm going to go into the longest point I want to make about her.

Eilistraee is a melancholy, moody drow female, a lover of beau- ty and peace. The evil of most drow banks a burning anger within her, and when her faithful are harmed, that anger is apt to spill out into wild action. It is not her way to act openly, but she often aids creatures she favors (whether they worship her or not) in small, immediately practical ways. Eilistraee is happi- est when she looks on bards singing or composing, craftsmen at work, lovers, or acts of kindness.

Eilistraee (pronounced “eel-ISS-trayee”) is a goddess of song and beauty, worshipped through song and dance— preferably in the surface world, under the stars of a moonlit night. Eilistraee aids her faithful in hunting and swordcraft, and worship of her is usually accompanied by feasting. Eilis¬ traee has worshippers of human, elven, and in particular half-elven stock (partic¬ ularly around Silvery moon), and looks kindly upon the Harpers. She is usually seen only from afar, but her song (of unearthly beauty, driving many to tears) is heard whenever she appears. Roleplaying Notes: Eilistraee is a melan¬ choly, moody drow female, a lover of beauty and peace. The evil of most drow banks a burning anger within her, and when her faithful are harmed, that anger is apt to spill out into wild action. It is not her way to act openly, but she often aids creatures she favors (whether they wor¬ ship her or not) in small, immediately practical ways. Eilistraee is happiest when she looks on bards singing or composing, crafts¬ men at work, lovers, or acts of kindness.

....

It is of my opinion that, when you look at the Eilistrae-Vhaeraun Dynamic and how they were treated by Lolth and Corellon, you're looking at a classic Golden Child/Scrape Goat dynamic. This is important to mention here because I do think that's important context within how Eilistraee (the person) see's and understands the world, and where her mind is at when it comes to the perception of her sense of self.

To VASTLY oversimplify about how emotionally abusive family structures work by a lot, when you look at emotionally abusive families with siblings, you tend to find a pattern where one child ends up getting the bulk of the favoritism and affection (The golden child), while the other takes the bulk of the abuse and tends to take a of blame and is seen as being deserving of the abuse (The scrapegoat.) I'll get a little bit more into the specifics of what that means for their relationship in a later post.

Now. Calling her the Golden Child, but I don't think being the Golden Child is strictly a good thing. In a lot of ways, I think a lot of golden children end up very emotionally stilted, and I think you kind of see that in Eilistraee. She HAS to be the perfect one. And she's had this expectation to be The Good One placed on her shoulders since she was young. Golden Children are often blinded to the abuse their siblings face because they themselves are not subjected to the same kind of abuse.

I think you're right in that despite everything, I would consider her defining trait her naivete. And I think the issue with trying to get into that is that people have a very specific idea of what being naive is. Like I think a lot of people associate naivete with people who are very childish and hold themselves with a lot of immaturity, and I don't think that's true. I think Eilistraee holds herself with a lot of dignity and comes across as mature and gentle and soft spoken, and you feel the weight of her presence in a way that you don't realize until she's left.

Naivete is just a lack of wisdom, a lack of having experienced the thing first hand. Eilistraee grew up very sheltered. She was shielded from the worst of her mothers abuse as a result of being her fathers favorite. Lolth doesn't give her the same attention she gives Vhaeraun (Which is good, largely, considering what her attention entails), she disregards Eilistraee as foolish and cowardly and weak, so she doesn't bother at all. That she was so sheltered is the source of both her empathy and her blindness. She knows the sight of abuse, but I don't think she's experienced abuse to the same extent her brother has, let alone the people in her church have. So she doesn't understand it to the same degree.

Now. The other thing about Eilistraee is that I don't actually think she's as open as she implies she is. She's always come across to me as someone who's very guarded. On one hand, she's walking around nude and supposedly that's representative of the vulnerability she has. But on the other hand, she doesn't reveal a lot, does she? She doesn't change. While Eilistraee is explicitly involved in her followers lives in a way that a lot of non-drow gods aren't, she's involved in a very passive way. She listens to them. Maybe she'll bless them with a dance. She'll send signs of her pleasure and displeasure, and she'll help them in immediate, practical ways.

But do any of her followers know her? Do WE know her? We know Vhaeraun. We know his personality. But what we're given of Eilistraee is what she likes and how she feels. It points to this very careful presence she makes of herself.

And that's why exploring the flaws of her church is so important. She wants to give her followers freewill, she wants to be the "good" one that doesn't influence them and lets them make their own choices. But... I'm going to steal a quote from @pansythoughts who I ran my thoughts about this by before typing it up, and I think that they articulated this really well.

"[...] She’s worshipped and revered and symbolic but because she didn’t involve herself in the running of things people mistook that as she shouldn’t be involved or shouldnt be involved (“don’t concern our lady with such trivial things, she shouldn’t be bothered, it makes her so sad”) that that for a long time enabled a lot of abuse to run rampant under eilistraee’s nose. By becoming impersonal she’s removed her real thoughts from her church in the name of being impartial. But it’s not actually helping [...]"

So Eilistraee hits this weird note of... She seems to think that being impersonal is what makes her good, but in being impersonal, she enabled the culture in her church to get as bad as it did. It's the intent over action mentality. It's the separation of herself from her people.

....

Now. I also want establish. I don't think Eilistraee holds the same views as her church with it comes to how a lot of men are treated. All text points to the fact she loves men as much as she does woman, just as she does any other race (Though I said I wouldn't quote it too much, her prioritizing woman to dismantle her brothers power in evermeet should at least get a passing mention, I put that in the same spot as I put Vhaeraun trying to kill her in that it feels like she was doing that as an uncomfortable means to an end. She sincerely see's him an evil, and if that is what she had to do to get him out of power then so be it. And then it spiraled)

In rare circumstances, males who worship Eilistraee-or beings without any priest powers who work to further Eilistraee's aims and need her visible blessing and support (or just some light)- will temporarily manifest moonfire (see Eitistroee's moonfire below). Such manifestations are at the will of the goddess; the lucky recipient has no control over the duration, intensity, and location of the radiance

Eilistraee to me feels like someone deeply rooted in idealism, and romanticism, and fantasy. She loves the arts. She loves dance, and music, and romance and love of all kinds. She loves the fantasy of lovers.

And this goes over to her wider views. She likes the fantasy of what she thinks good drow can be, and I think she lives in that fantasy and denies the lived reality of what a lot of her people have been through, and the biases they hold as a result of what they've been through.

But, she's not comfortable with what drow are now, because what drow are now are what her mother and her brother made of them. And she views both as evil, and the same kind of even. She explicitly views them as people that are fallen and broken, because they're not good.

Only in recent centuries has Eilistraee's faith regained a small amount of prominence in Faerun, as the Dark Maiden seeks to lead the fallen drow back to the long-forsaken light.

And they're not good and they can't be good, because there is an aesthetic to good for DnD and thus there is an aesthetic to good for her. And inevitably, when theres an Aesthetic to good, when you only view good through a certain framework and you're only able to understand good through the lens of people that fulfill a certain amount of requirements, there are going to be those who are left behind not because they're not good, but because they can't meet that aesthetic. They can't change, or don't want to. And there is going to be abuse that slips through the cracks because the good goes unquestioned.

Pulling another quote from pansythoughts

[...] And to get metatextual, I think that’s why a lot of people miss the implied problems of her church too, besides the insidious nature of bio-essentialism. The narrative context of the drow is horror. It’s meant to be antagonistic and horrifying to players of the game. So of course the thing from that culture rejecting that culture completely looks “good”

To accept that her church needs to change is to accept that maybe, she wasn't good.

Because. If she's not the good one, then what is she...?

...

Despite you mentioning them, I also didn't really touch on her temper and melancholy all that much here. I do actually think that's like. A defining part of her character.

I think it's deeply telling that one of the few times she's mentioned as manifesting as an avatar is explicitly in defense of her people. She doesn't know how to approach them to celebrate with them ("The Dark Maiden seldom takes a direct hand in the affairs of mortals, but she sometimes appears in the midst of a dance in her honor, leaping amid the flames of the feast unharmed") And she's heard of seen in the distance more then she's directly engaging ("Most worshipers see Eilistraee only from afar, perched on a hillock or battlement, silver hair streaming out behind her. She appears to show her favor or blessing and often rallies or heartens creatures by causing a high, far-off hunting horn call to beheard.")

But she WILL appear to defend her worshipers. And she IS deeply concerned with defending those coming out of the underdark.

I don't know. I don't have canon proof of this one, but I do think that Eilistraee is a deeply lonely person. Despite having friends in other pantheons such as Mystra, she feels isolated in the image she has to uphold. She can't connect with her followers, she's left with this view that most of her family is evil, or has rejected her for leaving. Of course she carries herself with grief. Of course she doesn't know how to be anything other than "The good one."

#Eilistraee #Character Analysis #I'm also not touching the change dance in this post though I think its something I should one day #Mostly because I think there are people that could better articulate. The neurosis behind it

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