#I have no experience with groundhogs

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

#somebody told me when I was young that ally macdowell’s character is run over by a car at the end of Groundhog Day#and that coloured my experience of watching it for the first time#I couldn’t enjoy the fun and comedy because I knew that actually it was going to rugpull me and be a tragedy#so I was so sad the whole time#and the last shot as they’re walking down the road I thought oh no this is it#and then the… credits?#and I was so annoyed because I wanted my experience back of seeing the film for the first time#what do you MEAN it’s a happy film? what do you MEAN it’s a comedy?#and I kind of carry that sadness and betrayal with me whenever I think about it#that I was denied the joy of seeing Groundhog Day for the first time#because I was watching a different movie in my mind the whole time

Yknow that post about that person watchin Parasite expecting there to be an actual flesh parasite monster.

Well I was readin “Invisible Man” by Ralph Ellison, which is a good book about a man tryna find his way in a world that doesn’t want him after his entire life plan fuckin falls apart (the invisibility in this case is metaphorical).

And I was NOT reading “THE Invisible Man” by H.G. Wells (which does in fact star an actually invisible man)

So I’m readin like ‘damn, this dude fuckin goin through it! The groups of power present truly do not see him as the man he is, but rather what they wish him to be! Making him, metaphorically, invisible!

…

And then he’s actually gonna turn invisible!!!!”

[inkskinned]

in the time loop the only way out is to leave her there but you don't ever leave her there, never in the roughly one thousand years you have been in the same day. it is probably like "50 first dates" but you haven't stooped so low as to watch "50 first dates" yet. (but who is to say what another thousand years of the same media will bring to you, maybe you will develop a new taste).

you spent about 200 of these years sulking in a bathtub or on the couch or staring at the seaside. 300 of them have been spent slowly mapping the geographical distance you can actually get before the time loop restarts. you have a list of favorite places: one library in Western Massachusetts called "The Bookmill", which has weird hours and has never raised an eyebrow to you arriving out-of-breath and panting, asking to see a specific book on a specific shelf. There is one beach without a name in North Carolina; it is an accident of geography and ownership title disputes - and it is pristine, untouched, warm and cozy. you've taken her on a lot of picnics there. Acadia National Park. One specific birdhouse in the mountains.

you were stuck in the time loop with the money you entered it with: not enough to rent a private jet. you've robbed a bank a few times, you don't like the way it ends. maybe next century you'll get the hang of it. you don't like the look on her face when you say hang on i have to stop at the bank.

you just have to leave her, and you can go back to being a person again. you took 5 years just catching a flight and sitting in the Grand Canyon. if there's one thing you regret more than anything, it's that you hadn't gotten your passport renewed before this fucking time loop. maybe you should spend some time learning forgery - but also, like, you look like an english teacher. nobody is going to be cool about you asking to see their paper printing machines.

the world is very big. that is one of the things groundhog day gets wrong. there are no consequences, so you have literally all the time (or none of the time?) in the world. in groundhog day, he does a lot of very cool things, but in reality - your muscle memory never gets better. you can't necessarily learn how to play piano or sculpt ice, because your hands never remember the practice. but hey - maybe you'll try violin next. drums. synth.

you can open any door and walk into any conversation. money isn't really an object. you can try every meal off every menu, forever. take her on helicopter tours and into every museum and on every event that is happening right-now at-this-moment. parades and funerals and calligraphy classes.

but you are somewhat trapped by the limitations of your body. if you were reading a book, you still need to get up and go back to the library and find that book again when the day resets. (thank god for the internet). it still takes like 2 hours to board a plane, and then takeoff and landing and traffic. you've gotten off to run around on the freeway. one of the little thankful things: since your brain isn't actually developing (it's a muscle too), the days thankfully don't feel shorter to you. that would be agony.

all you have to do to leave the timeloop is let that man get away with it. that's all. in every version of yourself - forever - you have stopped him.

the problem is that this experience has convinced you of the existence of the human soul. after all, how else are you forming memories? your very cells reset. information has to be transferred somehow. and if timeloops are real, you can convince yourself other magic exists. so you have two choices here: this hell, or the next. there might be a millennia where you have been worn down to the point you can accept fate's decision. this is just not one of them. ironically - she is the one thing you have left.

and besides! if you can't always find something new in your partner, aren't you failing them? there is something new about her, every day with the same morning. every brutal day with the same orange sunset.

after all, you wanted to live with her in heaven, in eternity, and, well - isn't this second-best.

[misscammiedawn]

Time Loops and Dissociation

CW: suicidal ideation, glitchy unreality, overt depictions of self-harm, parental abandonment

This essay contains full game spoilers for In Stars and Time.

You wake up to your alarm at the same time every day. The same view greets you from your window. Same sheets. Same outfits in your closet to get dressed in. Same choice of drinks in your kitchen to put in the same choice of cups. Same 24 hours but a different day. What better way to capture the existential horror of disconnecting from the world than to simply take away the words "but a different day" and make it the same 24 hours.

Time Loop fiction likes to capture the monotony of being caught in a rut. For some stories, like Groundhog Day, the rut could be that of not working on one’s self and accepting the eternal trappings of a never ending moment and not seeking change. For others, like Palm Springs, it is the conflict within a romantic relationship between one partner wishing to grow and find new experience while another wishes to remain in the safety of the known. Others still, like All You Need Is Kill, the conflict is a matter of maintaining one's optimism and drive in a hopeless fight against an antagonistic force that will crush their spirit upon the weight of eternity.

The constants in this genre are the forces of change and stagnation. Exit can be accomplished via self-improvement, it can be accomplished by having the bravery to risk leaving safety, it can be accomplished by killing every last time looping alien until you’re the only one left. But the allegories are always there. Tomorrow can only be attained by growing beyond Today. Change doesn’t happen in a day and as those stuck in a time loop know… a day can be an impossibly long time. And what does a person do during that impossibly long time? Repeating the same acts over and over again, where people become predictable and all the complexity of life has been stripped down until there’s nothing but cold empty and predictable monotony? You dissociate.

Dissociating is the experience of detaching from reality. Dissociation encompasses the feeling of daydreaming or being intensely focused, as well as the distressing experience of being disconnected from reality. In this state, consciousness, identity, memory, and perception are no longer naturally integrated. Dissociation often occurs as a result of stress or trauma, and it may be indicative of a dissociative disorder or other mental health condition.(*)

Every time loop story inevitably includes a segment where the pain of going around and around becomes simply too much to handle and the audience must witness the protagonist's mental health decline in real time. It is the moment in the story when they no longer feel able to connect with other humans, when they disconnect and just succumb to the weight of the eternity that they are trapped within. For most the idea of being stuck in a rut is a horrific thing. People are a social species. We seek connection and we seek change. We actively want to grow. But this is not true for everyone. Some are so scared and scarred by the world that they dare not ruin the safety that they have managed to find. Narrowing one's world down to avoid conflict and danger is a common feature in Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, particularly in those with a tendency to freeze in the face of their emotional triggers.

The flight-freeze type avoids potential relationship-retraumatization with an obsessivecompulsive/dissociative “two-step.” Step one is working to complete exhaustion. Step two is collapsing into extreme “veging out”, and waiting until [their] energy reaccumulates enough to relaunch into step one. The price for this type of no-longer-necessary safety is a severely narrowed existence. - (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker)

And that is the heart of any time loop. Safety at the price of a narrow existence.

-

For this essay I want to talk about a piece of media that masterfully manages the time loop dilemma while managing to depict a remarkably strong representation of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Today I want to talk about In Stars and Time. Because if I'm gonna highlight a time loop story for my essays on dissociative disorders then I'm going to do the one which has a "Press X to dissociate" mechanic.

In Stars and Time is an RPG Maker game in the stylings of Earthbound and Final Fantasy. The star of the play game is Siffrin (he/they), a silly little one who tells light-hearted puns and has their tongue stuck out in a :3 cat face smile.

As the thief type of the party he leads the group through dungeons to deactivate traps and find keys he can sometimes be bad at his job. They have managed to help the team get to the final dungeon and take on The King who has managed to freeze most of the nation of Vaugarde in time. Their adventuring friends are Mirabelle (she/her), the housemaiden; Isabeau (he/him), the fighter; Odile (she/her), the researcher; and Bonnie (they/them), the kid. Siffrin finds themselves trapped within a time loop. Reliving the same 2 day period as the party make their approach to The King and must defeat him to release Vaugarde from being eternally frozen in time. The game speaks frankly and kindly on many topics beyond mental health and trauma. Among the many rare and beautiful things it organically depicts it has an asexual and an aromantic discussing society's pressure to enter relationships and perform intimate acts, a trans masc discussing the destructive and yet necessary process of transitioning and two expats discussing how difficult it is to integrate their cultural roots (or lack thereof) with the values and expectations of the dominant culture of their new environment. Keep that last one in your back pocket for now. It'll be important for later. This is the last chance to check the game out unspoiled and so if anything I have said intrigues enough then please buy the game (Steam - Switch - Playstation 4 - Playstation 5 - GOG - Itch.io) and enjoy it. The game is about 20 hours at a casual pace (WR speedrun is 2.5 hours) and it has much in the way of hidden conversations and content that can help a person stick around and dig deep to find all the content in the game (but watch out). Go with my blessing and check DoesTheDogDie for content warnings if needed. For those who have played or want to read on into spoiler territory, then please forgive my long-windedness. I've too much time on my hands and have not cultivated the skills or talent to present this as a video for passive enjoyment. Let's begin. The game is split into 6 acts so in the interests of not bombarding with information. Shall we follow suit?

Act 1 - The Stage

The curtain rises and the play begins. Act 1 makes up the first loop from Siffrin's perspective. If not for the time loops then this would be a very short adventure. Siffrin wakes up from a nap in a field as they will every single loop from now on. They are in the final town before the enemy stronghold, one final day to rest and gather their strength and resolve to save the country. The group's leader, Mirabelle, has decided to have a sleepover. One final day, one final dungeon, one final fight... and then it's all over. The world will finally be saved. It'll all be over... Siffrin spends the day speaking to their friends, making a wish on the local Favor Tree to spend time with an ally after the adventure and then it's on to the adventure. Isabeau has something he wants to tell Siffrin but decides it can wait until they have saved the world. Entering the house and moving through the first few rooms all seems to be going well. The party of friends beat their first few enemies and Siffrin is sent to check for traps in a corridor leading into the main areas of the house. He checks and checks and checks and doesn't find anything so...

The trap is activated by feeling safe.

For clarity I wish to say much of the analysis and discussion is our personal read of the plot. Before writing this essay we reached out to insertdisc5 to ask about how they approached depicting mental illness in the game and they responded that it was not a matter of research as she was worried about checking off boxes rather than depicting authentic experience. Which makes it all the more impressive that the game was able to depict so many aspects of Complex PTSD so seamlessly. From Walker's book the primary symptoms of CPTSD are:

Emotional Flashbacks Tyrannical Inner &/or Outer Critic Toxic Shame Self-Abandonment Social anxiety Abject feelings of loneliness and abandonment Fragile Self-esteem Attachment disorder Developmental Arrests Relationship difficulties Radical mood vacillations Dissociation via distracting activities or mental processes Hair-triggered fight/flight response Oversensitivity to stressful situations Suicidal Ideation

Over the course of the game Siffrin displays many, if not all of these. One of the core conflicts of the game is Siffrin's feelings of loneliness and abandonment as well as their inner critic and toxic shame.

Another common trait of those with C-PTSD not referenced in the above list is a sensitive startle reflex. It is mentioned in the same book at a later point, however:

A startle response is the sudden full body-flinching that survivors experience at loud noises or unanticipated physical contact. This is usually a somatic flashback to previous abuses.

I bring this all up now because Siffrin's first death. The cause of the first loop. HIS FIRST FAILURE. Was because he let his guard down. He felt safe for even a moment. This is not a reading or something which can be brought up for debate. On floor two of the house there is a book that explains the traps and speaks of the boulder that landed on Siffrin's head earlier:

Throughout the entire adventure Siffrin will have the toxic and universe validated belief that if they ever drop their guard, even for a single moment they may die. This belief will only get worse as they progress, unfortunately. For those with Complex PTSD they walk through life in a state of hyper-vigilance. Never quite feeling safe. Siffrin died the moment he let his guard down. [Dawn here. This is turning out to be the longest Media, Myself and I article by a wide margin. For the sake of not destroying everyone's timelines I'll put the rest of the game under a readmore. I would so very much love it if you did click on, though.]

Act 2 - The Performance

The curtain rises and the play begins. Again. Much of Act 2 is spent trying to get to The King and defeat him. Mistakes such as forgetting a key on an earlier floor or taking a wrong path will cause Siffrin to need to loop back. All the while inwardly berating themselves for their carelessness, knowing that in a world without the time loops they would have been trapped and unable to challenge The King at all. We are also introduced to Loop, a star who watches over Siffrin during his journey. Loop is in the time loop with Siffrin and can follow his progress, offer advice and comment on everything. Loop is a little disaffected and likes to play things silly and coy and can be a little mean at times. But they say they're here to help Siffrin. As the adventuring friends climb to the final boss we get to see Siffrin's rapport with the party. Siffrin likes to stay on the sidelines and listen in to other people having animated conversation. Everyone is nervous to touch him having universally come to an understanding that Siffrin does not like to be touched. They make fun of Siffrin's poor memory (another common trait of those with dissociative disorders that we will talk about more in time) and they treat one another warmly. However during a bit of banter in a snack break...

(source: ISAT Script Project) Note that Siffrin internalizes the comment "we're not friends." instantly. From this point of the game until a latter moment all times that Siffrin's monologue refers to his party the word "friends" is replaced with "allies". They are so sensitive to abandonment and rejection that the they simply accept Odile's words, not even aimed at Siffrin themselves and internalizes them deep enough that the HUD of the game itself changes to accommodate this belief. It was mentioned at the start that Siffrin is a silly traveler who enjoys puns and makes light of most situations. In battles the game uses a Rock, Paper, Scissors weapon triangle and all of Siffrin's attack names are puns. In the profile menu he sticks his tongue out. His battle image is a playfully confident smirk.

During the game we always have access to Siffrin's inner monologue and can tell how they interpret the world around them but they seldom ever voice their opinions. This allows us to see how often they are convincingly laughing on the outside while hurting on the inside. Siffrin, unable and unwilling to approach their shame and self-loathing and terrified of becoming a burden to their friends allies will deflect whenever he sense that they are hurting.

A person (or dissociative part) may avoid being aware of inner experiences such as feelings or thoughts that might evoke shame. Thus, he or she is not aware of the experience of shame, typically does not acknowledge the negative experience of self, engages in denial, and attempts to distract self and others away from the painful feeling. For example, a person who felt ashamed in therapy might start making jokes or flippantly comment that the session is boring or useless, or he or she might try to change the subject entirely or even switch to another part that has a different agenda. The experience becomes neutral or positive; shame may be disowned or denied, or overridden with joy or excitement in distracting activities (joking around, talking about something else). There is little to no awareness of shame or one’s shameful actions, faults, or characteristics. The motivation is to minimize the conscious experience of shame or to prove that one does not feel shame. - (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

The other key thing we have come to learn about how others perceive Siffrin is their memory issues. Memory issues are a constant part of dissociative disorders with a lack of childhood memories being a key feature in Complex Dissociative Disorders such as Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder. If I am being honest about my motivations for writing this essay, while playing it I keyed in on the lack of memories early and assumed it to be an allegory for such trauma. Even made a Tumblr post stating this. On the top floor of the house of change in a secret room and only during Act 2 there is a bit of dialogue where Siffrin speaks about their childhood.

This was the moment we knew we needed to write about this game. What is missing from the text above is that when Siffrin stammers on their words there is a time loop effect. The first one in the game that is activated by something other than a death or the natural end of the loop. Siffrin edits out this conversation so that not even he can remember it.

Amnesia goes far beyond normal forgetfulness. It involves serious memory problems that are not caused by illness or extreme fatigue, by alcohol or other mind-altering substances, or normal forgetting. Amnesia falls on a continuum. People with a dissociative disorder may recall some aspects of an event but not other essential parts of it. In some cases all memory for certain events is unavailable for conscious recall. Some people with a dissociative disorder describe their memory as being like “Swiss cheese holes,” “foggy,” or “full of black holes.” They may suspect that something happened, or may have even been told by others that something happened to them, but have no personal recollection of events and often feel afraid to think about them. People may have amnesia for longer periods of time during which normal life events took place, for example, a person may report being unable to remember anything from the fifth grade, or from ages 9–12. - (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

Instinctive use of time travel to edit out parts of a conversation that a perspective character does not wish to accept or confront is a fantastic allegory for how dissociative symptoms manifest. When a person or dissociative part stumbles too close to a severe trauma trigger. To speak from personal experience it is a moment where in a conversation a question comes up and the answer feels wrong in your mouth. Like you just lied. But you know you didn't intend to lie... so of course you interrogate the piece of information and the wall of confusion that hits can make a person feel truly powerless. Like you're not even certain of what you are saying anymore and a mixture of shame and fear flood in and tell you to stop talking, stop lying, stop exaggerating, stop speaking, stop, stop, STOP. Poor Siffrin shouldn't have their memory made fun of. But... his friends allies don't know. Do they? How could they? Siffrin doesn't speak up and when he does it tends to be a showy performance of being light hearted and silly so no one can see how hurt he is. Because if he does try to be honest... well. You saw what happened when they tried to open up. Through hard work and persistence the allies loop enough times to gain the knowledge and strength to win against The King. The King's first attack will force the allies to see a vision of the future and without a special magic shield will kill them in a single strike. Siffrin stays determined and prepares his allies. Helps them become stronger. Helps them win. The world is saved. Everyone in Vaugarde is released from the time freezing spell... But something's wrong... Siffrin is given a chance to talk to everyone as they all happily speak about what they'll do now that the country is saved but no matter what happens. Isabeau attempts to confess the thing that he wished to tell Siffrin if they won but is interrupted before he can get the words out, much to Siffrin's annoyance. The world is safe. All is well. It shall return to normal soon enough... only thing to do is speak with the head housemaiden and accept the praise and thanks for all the hard effort in saving Vaugarde... Then world starts to fall apart and... The second act comes to an abrupt close.

Act 3 - Family and Culture

The curtain rises and the play begins continues. The loop begins with Siffrin back at the start, even though the day was saved. Simply killing The King must not be enough. There must be a reason that the loops are continuing, even after Vaugarde is saved. The only way to understand is to find out more about why The King is able to freeze the country in time and if it has anything to do with why Siffrin can loop back. Speaking with Loop, Siffrin recognizes that as long as there are ideas and leads to explore then giving up is not going to happen. Loop seems reluctant to encourage Siffrin to continue, in fact Loop seems doesn't appear surprised by the time loop continuing at all. Loop is an interesting character and deserves an article unto themselves. We should focus on Siffrin right now.

Their first order of business is to attempt the Golden End exit route. It worked for Bill Murray, why not in this situation? Simply work out a way to make everyone have a perfect loop. Saving the world isn't enough. Siffrin can solve everyone's problems. Here we learn that Bonnie, the kid, harbors a deep well of shame for allowing Siffrin to be blinded in an eye while protecting them earlier in the adventure, before the loops. Siffrin, true to their dissociative nature, did not even remember the event. Siffrin also spends quality time with the adults in the party. Always hoping Isabeau would be brave enough to confess this loop. On this journey up the house of change the team are closer and more caring. No one makes fun of Siffrin for bumping into the counter. Siffrin discovers that the other party members have noticed his breathing exercises. Very helpful for those with dissociative disorders, by the way. They ground the body and allow one to ease somatic symptoms by soothing the nervous system and preventing activated sensations worsening symptoms. As they get closer to The King the warm and familial banter continues with Odile using the word 'friend' out loud. A guarded Siffrin allows themselves to confront Odile on saying that they were not friends (something she did not even say this "Golden" loop) and through an awkward but kind conversation she confesses she, a Too Old For This lady cannot feel comfortable calling a group of people with a pre-teen "friends" but she can perhaps call them "Family" The menu updates. Siffrin's Allies are now Sif's Family Members. This remains true in all the menus no matter what happens in any loop. But in this moment, there is a golden ending. There is joy. Though Isabeau is unwilling to discuss his confession when Sif is feeling vulnerable. They need to have a Feely-Feels talk. Sif hates the idea of a Feely-Feels talk. Yet, even still... In this moment Sif is loved.

Many people with Complex PTSD have attachment wounds from their family of origin. The concept of a found family is common among survivors, particularly in those who choose to go Non-Contact with the family of origin. Others, like Sif, have lost their family to tragedy and simply have no roots to return to. The role of a chosen family is vital in the healing journey. Survivors can become aggressively attached to those who they view as chosen family and are often activated by the concept of another loss. The wounds of losing one family enough to have massive impact on how the survivor handles relationships going forward. It is why unstable relationships is listed as a symptom of CPTSD and why there is such a big overlap of CPTSD and BPD diagnosis.

There’s no way around the fact that on the journey to finding your chosen family, you will get hurt. People you thought would be there for you will abandon you, people will decide they no longer have the emotional capacity to hold space for you, and… people who made promises to be by your side will betray those promises. That’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just life. Not everyone belongs on our journeys, but… when you find the right people, don’t let go of them. Nurture the relationships, reciprocate the support, and above all, respect the myriad of ways that people can and will show up for you. - (The Role of ‘Chosen Family' in Trauma Recovery - Monika Sudakov)

Sif is desperately attached to the Family Members that they travel with. In many ways the only reason they can endure the time loops is to protect them. Any time there is a prompt which threatens these relationships Sif's monologue insists that they will not abandon the script that ensures their safety and happiness. Yet despite all this power of love and Family, the loops continue. Which is fine. Golden Ending was a long shot anyway. Clearly it has to be related to The King and it's power to stop time. It seems to know the mysterious art of Time Craft. Talking to The King will help. The answers are still attainable and now Sif has a Family. To get the information required to learn about Time Craft and The King one must interact with as many books and items in the house of change as possible. In doing so we learn more about Sif and their history. By this point in the story the concept of croissants has come up a number of times for the party. In the opening town Sif has the option of buying one from a bakery and gives an uncharacteristic scowl. When they are spotted in the house Sif tends to duck out of conversations, not caring to listen to people talk about the pastry he loathes so desperately. He jokes about it and obfuscates but Sif hates croissants. With a burning passion. There is literally a food that can kill him in the game (he is allergic to pineapple and can die on a banana plantain peel) but his ire always turns towards croissants. Croissants are an emotional trigger for Sif. They harbored such a deep hatred of croissants that when, in Act 4, he is pressured to tell everyone what he wished for at the start of the game he says that they wished for croissants to disappear forever. Sif's reactivated trauma is related to croissants. Up until now he had been living his life blissfully unaware of his dissociated experiences and yet a croissant cracked the amnesia barriers that kept him safe and now each time he sees them they cannot help but be reminded of "The Incident". By examining the Silver coin in their inventory a number of times one can see "The Incident", a moment that happened days before the plot began which informs Sif's entire emotional state throughout the game...

(source: ISAT Script Project) Note the time skip at the tail end of that sequence. Sif was thinking too heavily about the trauma again and skipped time to avoid thinking about it. Dissociative barriers. He literally cannot think about it. The universe won't let him. Sif's home isn't there anymore. In the canon of the game where reality can be rewritten on the whim of a wish, the country that Sif comes from was wiped off of the map and all knowledge and memory of it has been erased, even from those who lived there. Sif's trauma is that he lost his home. His family. Everything and everyone that he ever knew. Through traveling with his family members he has gained a slither of the emotion, comfort, connection and safety that he lost and in being reminded of all that he lost so close to the end of their journey he was reminded he can and will lose it all again and the thought is too terrifying to process. This is the core conflict in Sif's heart for the entire game. The more they interact with memories of the destruction of his homeland the more keenly aware he becomes of the fact that the quest will end and his family will go their separate ways and abandon him. They have no home to return to when this is all done. CPTSD is not currently recognized by the DSM-5. An official diagnostic description can only be found within the ICD-11. On the ICD-11 page for Complex-PTSD there is a specific segment for "Culture Related Features" that reads:

Cultural variation exists in the expression of symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. For example, somatic or dissociative symptoms may be more prominent in certain groups attributable to cultural interpretations of the psychological, physiological, and spiritual etiology of these symptoms and of high levels of arousal.

Given the severe, prolonged, or recurrent nature of the traumatic events that precipitate Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, collective suffering and the destruction of social bonds, networks and communities may present as a focal concern or as important related features of the disorder.

For migrant communities, especially refugees or asylum seekers, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder may be exacerbated by acculturative stressors and the social environment in the host country. - (ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics)

We do not learn much of Sif's culture of origin but we know that they were in tune with The Universe, that they had spiritual aspects that allowed them to use Wish Craft and follow when fate leads. Act 3 is an info gathering quest on The King's motivations and we discover that King and Sif both hail from the same country and have lost all their social bonds, networks and communities and cannot even recreate the specifics of their culture. It has literally been erased. No culprit is ever named for this atrocity but from Act 3 onwards Sif mourns this lack of roots and via the power of the magic that prevents anyone from remembering the country they cannot mention this tragedy to anyone. Though Odile is able to infer it. Odile is also an immigrant to Vaugarde, her mother was from Vaugarde and her father from Ka Bue. Her mother abandoned her and Odile's quest in Vaugarde is to find parts of her history within the foreign land and fill in the parts of her soul that she feels are incomplete from the lack of her mother's presence and history in her life. In Act 3 the two bond over it as part of Odile's "friendquest", in Act 4 and beyond Sif's inner monologue seethes with bitterness and envy for Odile having connections. The initial connection of them both being foreigners in an accepting land caves to the pain of loss that consumes Siffrin whole.

(source: ISAT Script Project) What's worse is that some of the things that the family members joke at Sif about for being too forgetful to know the words "Kiln" "Pottery Wheel" or "Stuffed Animal" (though they do remember on some loops) become less about silly forgetful Sif letting incidental information slide out of their dissociative mind. It becomes making fun of a person speaking a second language and not having complete mastery over it. By Act 5 Sif has no patience for the playful jabs because they happen every single loop and they hurt. Minimizing is a lot harder in a time loop. Every small moment of tiny pain repeats again and again. Every time Sif bumps their hip on a counter the party laugh at him. Well... except for the time he screamed at them for it... or the time he collapsed into a defeated pile on the floor on the verge of tears. Heaven help me if bumping into a counter hasn't been the last straw to break my facade when the weight is too much to carry. Poor Sif... As Sif learns more about Time Craft and the country that both he and The King come from, Sif starts to gain an understanding of The King's motivations. After losing one country he couldn't bear to risk losing another home. Vaugarde was so kind to him and took him in and he wants it to remain perfect and safe forever. Frozen in time like a photograph. Now that Sif has come to recognize how important his Family Members are to him, they understand. To have people you love and consider Family is so important and the idea of losing that is simply unspeakable. It is a fate worse than the time loops. By now Sif has done the Golden Ending a time or two...

He understands why The King would do this. The final loop of Act 3 allows Sif to attempt to convince The King not to fight. The pair have attempted to bond over their roots, they have tried to force The Universe to allow them to speak the name of their nation (but it refused to be said) and now Sif wants to try and use understanding. The King agrees. He stops the fight. Asks Sif to come to his side and... Then he freezes the Family Members in time. He understands now that Sif is using Wish Craft to fight him and he cannot win on traditional terms so he decides to carve it into Sif's memory, a reminder of what happens if he continues defying The King's will. He picks up poor little pre-teen BonBon... and FORCES SIFFRIN TO WATCH AS HE CRU-

Act 4 - Shame Spiral

The curtain rises. The play begins continues. And Sif is not okay. They witnessed the game break the well established rule that the kid was not able to be hurt. Even in runs where you lose to The King Bonnie always gets away. The Family will always go out of their way to ensure The Kid survives. It's happened so many times by now one doesn't even think to question it... And the player had to watch. There is no avoiding that event. Sif will lower their guard to speak with The King and offer compassion and trust to someone they thought of as a kindred spirit and no sooner had they laid down their arms for a moment they were punished for it. Brutally. It's the rock again. Feel safe, even for a moment, and it comes crashing down to crush with full weight... only this time it's not the Sif taking the hit. Sif can take all the hits in the world. It was BONNIE. Someone else was crushed because Sif trusted. From this moment on Sif's intrusive thoughts become louder and meaner. Look above at the conversation with Odile about her roots and notice the changes between Act 3's inner monologue and Act 4's. By this point in the story Sif is losing track of how many loops they have gone through. Unless you keep your Memory of Self equipped you will find that any time you loop forwards or backwards the loop counter will jump up by leaps. Sif is so numb to the cycle by now that they're just dissociating through iterations of the time loop. Other times he 'blacks out' bits of time include sleeping at the clocktower. We learn that he never ever sleeps at the tower. He just blacks out and comes to at the house ready for the next run. All Sif can remember is what the player sees. But stuff does happen besides that which we see. It's not just the amount of time that Sif has been in the loops that is causing this degradation of mental health, though. It's the continuous activation taking a toll. When a person is continiously hyperaroused they become disaffected, chronically dissociated and begin experiencing somatic symptoms. Headache, stomach ache, exhaustion with no ability to sleep, hunger without ability to eat. At this point of the story Sif is constantly hungry and is not sleeping at all. The primary cause for this is the attachment trauma being continuously triggered. Where in early acts it was a matter of worry over losing his new family while being reminded constantly of losing his old one, now he is reminded of allowing his family to die because of his actions. The shame spiral claims him and his emotions become wild, even if he is not able to express them outwardly. This level of emotional sensitivity is a primary symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder. The similarities between CPTSD and BPD are enough that much of the discussion around the potential for including CPTSD in the next revision of the DSM centers around whether it should replace or be combined with BPD. The Foundation for CPTSD writes on the topic:

At one-time, complex post-traumatic stress disorder was proposed as an alternate form of borderline personality disorder because of the shared link to severe childhood trauma. The jury is still out to recognize CPTSD as a diagnosis in the DSM, but it is believed that the symptoms and causes of BPD and CPTSD overlap substantially, but it is not warranted to replace one diagnosis with the other or conceptualize CPTSD as a subtype of BPD. Borderline personality disorder and complex post-traumatic stress disorder are commonly found together, with between 25% and 60% of people living with BPD also having CPTSD. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is listed in the 11th edition of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), and this has spurred research differentiating the two disorders. Evidence suggests that CPTSD and BPD may represent a continuum of the stress response, and both seem to have a component of dissociation involved. The most significant difference between the two diagnoses is when they form. CPTSD typically forms in early childhood, while BPD forms during early adolescence. Having both CPTSD and BPD makes life difficult, to say the least. - (CPTSD Foundation)

BPD is a personality disorder categorized by attachment wounds. Part of the diagnostic criteria includes "Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether it is accurate or not, by family and friends" It is safe to say Sif feels this way about their family. They lost their entire home, their history, their family of origin. They cannot conceive of losing the family that they have gained. The concept is simply too painful for them to consider and so emotional and dissociative barriers force away anything which could potentially bring the topic of losing them to mind. Heaven knows we can understand the impulse... But since being directly responsible for failing the promise they made to protect Bonnie this is no longer a matter of fear of the unknown, it is shame in having failed to keep a promise to protect. This shame grows and cripples Sif's emotional regulation, leaving them prone to volatile outbursts of their repressed rage. Either forcing it inwards on the self or outwards on others.

When you feel chronic shame, you believe that no amount of punishment or corrective actions would be sufficient, and you are unable to forgive yourself or have any empathy for the terrible suffering shame brings to you. It is as though chronically ashamed people have received a life sentence of shame with no hope of parole, even when they are unsure of exactly why they are bad. In fact, some people will say there is no particular reason they are bad and unworthy: The mere fact that they exist and take up space on the earth is shameful enough. They believe they are not worthy of living and do not deserve anything good. In such cases, shame is an emotion of hiding: The last thing an ashamed person wants is to be open, vulnerable, and seen by others. Thus, it is an emotion that often is not addressed sufficiently in therapy, even though it is a major impediment to healing. - (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

Act 4 is about learning the origins of the Wish Craft that rewrites the universe and allows for Sif to use Time Craft. We learn that any time they are upset they will instinctively rewrite history to prevent the things that they fear from coming to pass. This includes moments when their anger gets away from them and they lash out at their family. Some optional scenes include forcing Isabeau into a kiss or screaming at Odile when she knows too much and tries to help Siffrin. Any time these outbursts happen time rewinds and only Siffrin is left with the knowledge that they happen, deepening the growing well of shame. All the while Sif feels more hollow in the interactions he has with his Family. In forcing them to be their best selves via the "Friendquest" events every loop he starts feeling like he is manipulating them. Where he felt loved the first few times he now accuses himself of forcing them to love him.

To the degree that our caretakers attack or abandon us for showing vulnerability, to that degree do we later avoid the authentic self-expression that is fundamental to intimacy. The outer critic forms to remind us that everyone else is surely as dangerous as our original caretakers. Subliminal memories of being scorned for seeking our parents’ support then short-circuit our inclinations to share our troubles and ask for help. Even worse, retaliation fantasies can plague us for hours and days on the occasions when we do show our vulnerabilities. I once experienced this after being very honest and vulnerable in a job interview with a committee of eight. Over the next three insomnia-plagued nights, my outer critic ran non-stop films featuring my interviewers’ contempt about everything I had said, and disgust about all that I had left out. Even after they subsequently and enthusiastically hired me, the outer critic plagued me with “imposter syndrome” fantasies of eventually being exposed as incompetent in the new job. - (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker)

It doesn't matter. Sif tries everything. Learns all the things that they can learn. Explores all the hidden areas of the house of change. Nothing matters. It's hopeless.

And with each loop The King's attack shows Sif a vision of the future. What do they see? Endless looping or... does Sif see the future beyond the loops? After the party return to their various homes? Act 4 ends with The Head Housemaiden, the only one who could have potentially held answers telling Sif outright that there was no escape... Before the loop begins anew.

Act 5 - Curtains

[Hello there. It's me, Dawn. I'm pausing the essay and dropping the cute little play structure to reiterate the Content Warnings from the start of the post. During Act 5 there are options to commit self-harm that a player may stumble across unintentionally. During previous acts one has to work exceptionally hard and against the game and characters within it to unlock a means of self-harm and it is unambiguously seen as a bad thing. In Act 5 there are no external forces to comment on Siffrin's actions.] The curtain rises. No point in wasting time. Get the actors. Make them strong. Beat the king. Do it right this time. Unfortunately our star has lost all of the mental fortitude they had. They were so strong for so long but there is only so much a person can take before they let the anger win. It is all too common for people with significant trauma to harbor resentment and anger in their soul. It sometimes remains repressed under layers of emotion numbing dissociation, it sometimes turns inwards into self-destructive acts and viewpoints and it sometimes turns outwards into explosive acts of physical or emotional violence. But it's there... lurking within the injustice of all the pain a person has felt.

When you have experienced a trauma, anger often becomes the central emotion that you feel. Angry thoughts about revenge may consume you. According to Enright and Fitzgibbons (2000), your anger is more destructive if you focus it on another person or people; it is intense, even in the short term; it leads to a learned pattern of annoyance, irritation, or frustration with others who are not the source of your anger; it is extremely passive; it is extremely hostile; or it is developmentally appropriate for someone much younger than your actual age (e.g., you act like a two-year-old and have a temper tantrum). - (The PTSD Workbook Mary Beth Williams)

and so... with the 5th act of our play about to begin, the star wakes in a familiar meadow for what may be the hundredth time... and they simply cannot take it anymore.

The actor on stage has reached Rock Bottom and likely unlocked the skill Rock Bottom to go with it, though they are beyond the silly puns now. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Breathe or Heal. Just get to The King. Just kill it. One. Last. Time. The GIF above starts with the line "YOU WANT YOUR FAMILY BACK!!! NOT THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS THAT HAVE TAKEN THEIR PLACE!!!" Up until now we have only spoken about dissociation in terms of zoning out or blocking out memory. I now want to talk about Derealization and Depersonalization. DPDR has been a subject of other Media, Myself and I essays, most notably our discussion on Night in the Woods. To be brief about it for this essay Depersonalization is a detatchment from one's sense of self and Derealization is a detatchment from reality. Our star has become so disillusioned with the endless looping that they no longer view their surroundings as real. The people in their life are just actors in a play that they are directing. Everyone says their lines. Even the star must say their lines. But there's still some stage direction. Some purpose that our hero must fulfill. They know that there is a chance if they can just kill the king without Mirabelle landing the final shot. Then. Maybe... In their disaffected state and unable to convincingly perform their lines in the play, our star manages to upset everyone else on stage causing them to doubt if it would be safe and productive to continue traveling with such a horrible disgusting unreliable stupid person. This causes the final act to be a solo performance. One final walk through the house without friends allies family actors to help. At the clocktower the other actors talk about our star and are uncertain if they can trust them any longer. Our star reacts by rejecting them entirely and going it alone. There is a concept in BPD called Splitting in which a person devalues or exaggerates the value of an individual in their compromised emotional state. It can cost a person relationships if they act out of these temporary emotions. At the start of Act 5 the actor manages to scream at the kid for getting in danger, calls the fighter a coward and mocks the researcher for her mother abandoning her. The individual, so desperate to shield their wounded heart, pushes the people they love away because their proximity is too close to their open wounds and they push away to maintain space. This is particularly true in those who struggle to create healthy emotional boundaries. This game is such a god damned call out at times. As the actor climbs the house everything is broken. The universe itself is trying to maintain the reality of two wishes that it needs to make a reality. "Save Vaugarde" and the one the main character wished for in Act 1. Do you remember what it was? The Universe cannot allow Siffrin to remain with their Family Members if they run off alone and reject them. The Universe simply cannot accomodate such a reality. Everything is falling apart. What proceeds is the ISAT equivalent of a Genocide Run in Undertale. Everything is broken and wrong. Rooms are breaking the collision boundaries of a video game, textures are cut wrong, doors lead to the wrong location, time is looping without rhyme or reason. And the menu is blunt. You cannot change your equipment, now stuck with Memory of Emptiness with the description (Nothing comes to mind, hahahahaha!) Some rooms contain hallucinations that make our star feel more abandoned and empty and mournful of their situation. In rooms where they would normally receive a modicum of physical comfort brushing against the other actors there is nothing now.

(Aaaaaaah…) (You rub your arms once, twice, thrice.) (Your throat tightens) (You feel like you're floating in your own body.) (If only someone would touch you to make sure you're real! Someone, anyone!)

This is an example of extreme depersonalization. Also the garden has a table with 4 healthy plants and 1 dying plant to the side. Our star notices it and it acts as a visual indicator of the barriers between the director and their actors. Some of the other rooms on the Act 5 climb depict overt self-harm...

It can be understood as a substitute action for more adaptive coping that attempts to deal with a variety of overwhelming problems, many involving too much feeling (for example, loneliness, abandonment, panic, inner conflicts, traumatic memories) or too little feeling (numbness, depersonalization, emptiness, feeling dead). Self-harm is thus often related to the need for regulation skills, that is, finding ways to modulate and tolerate unbearable inner experiences, such as painful emotions, or traumatic memories (Gratz & Walsh, 2009; Miller, 1994). Some people harm themselves in secret and carefully hide the inflicted wounds from others. Other people harm their bodies in places that are visible to people around them. (Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart)

The shame only increases upon doing these optional (but distressingly unprovoked) actions. Honestly, if I had one criticism of the game and its depiction of mental health it is that there is no way to know that looking at the cupboard with the eye patch conversation would cause a self-destructive action. As someone with extreme sensitivity to depictions of suicide and self-harm I felt that having no agency or warning over that (I had no reason to assume this would happen. Any other form of self-harm requires selecting a menu option. This one jumps out at a player unexpected) was... unfair. It is noted in monologue that breathing exercises no longer work by this point of the narrative and due to not being at the clocktower our star is proceeding with no food and no sleep. Their already bottomed out mental and emotional state is in sore need of external intervention. Something the actor both desires and rejects in equal measure. Upon finding and fighting The King our hero is frozen in time and locked in a dream. Placed face to face with their worst fears and worries of how their actors Family would perceive them.

(source: ISAT Script Project)

After the screen stops being blurry and the player wipes the wet spots off of their Nintendo Switch. The fear of being perceived. The fear of being seen as manipulative. Being seen as insincere. Being seen as lazy or too afraid to change. Callous. Aimless. Manipulative. So many survivors have these negative scripts and inner critics. Caught in their cycles. Their own little loops. But there's still hope. Family. The chance to be vulnerable. The game concludes with Sif's Family saving him from The King. But even though The King's spell is broken and the people of Vaugarde are unfrozen the sky has a giant red crack in it. Sif's wish is still tearing the world apart. Realizing that when the quest is over everyone will go home Sif has their temper tantrum, becoming the final boss in which every move is a choice to either lash out at the party or lash out at themselves. A boss mechanic version of the final embers of a violent extinction burst. That is to say a person who does not have control over their ability to maintain a sustained behavior will lash out and attempt to assert control in order to prevent losing the conditioned routine.

An extinction burst is characterized by a temporary increase in the frequency, intensity, or duration of behavior being extinguished through operant conditioning. This phenomenon occurs when the reinforcement for a previously learned behavior is removed, leading to an initial escalation of the behavior before it decreases and eventually ceases. While not all instances of extinction involve such bursts, they are observed in some cases, particularly during the treatment of problematic behaviors. Extinction bursts can complicate the treatment of behavioral disorders, as they may temporarily increase undesired behaviors like aggression or self-injury, making it challenging to assess the effectiveness of interventions. (*)

In this case Sif is lashing out because he has no way of preventing his Family from going back to their lives. It's a destructive and unhealthy mechanism. The fight ends with everyone refusing to let Sif run away or hide anymore. He is forced to admit that his wish was to stay with everyone. That he didn't want the family to go away. He opens himself up to the vulnerability of being seen of being understood and yes, even potentially rejected. The Family agree to travel together at least long enough to get Bonnie back to their sister. But there are no guarantees what happens beyond there. There is love. There is acceptance. There is honesty. There are no more time loops. Maybe now, finally... there can be change. Growth. Tomorrow.

In time loop fiction everything eventually loses meaning. There are no permanent consequences, no external pressures, nothing inherent to strive for, no meaning but what the protagonist(s) give themselves. The option to just accept things and remain is always there as Andy Samberg's character in Palm Springs does. The option to never stop trying to escape is there for those like Keiji in All You Need Is Kill.

The brilliance of In Stars and Time is that there are two wishes that are influencing the universe. The wish of the people to save Vaugarde from being frozen in time and Siffrin's wish to remain with his family. Change and Stagnation. That's what it always comes down to in these time loop stories and the conflict in this game is that those two forces are playing against one another. The only outcome was to give up on one or the other. As we'll learn in Act 6 there is no reality where Siffrin gets to stay with all 4 party members. They will have to separate at some point. Accepting change is accepting that things can and will and do end and life will go on and you have to be okay with it. Many of our essays have focused on representation that includes a healing journey from Ange Ushiromiya accepting the circumstances of her tragic past to Elliot Alderson's 4 season long representation of trauma therapy for dissociative clients. I think the thing I love about In Stars and Time is that it's the long and arduous process of a chronically traumatized individual asking for help. It's the first step on the healing journey. Acceptance. Siffrin spent the entire game in denial and rejection, making jokes and pushing things aside. Our long and hard journey was just getting to the point where they were able to recognize and admit it. And I really hope that Sif and their family members will be okay. I wished on my leaf for Sif to see Ka Bue with Odile. I hope they get to go. But as insertdisc5 says when asking any questions about what happens next "it's your turn" -

Stars that was a long one. Thank you for sticking with me if you read the whole thing. We like to write these essays as a matter of helping our study on dissociation (we, ourselves, are a DID patient and reading and comprehending this material is essential to our recovery and treatment) and providing a little insight to bits of media that are positive examples of what we go through. If you enjoyed always feel free to leave an ask or leave some silly tags. I never care if I get a flop post as writing is its own reward but the encouragement is good for my ego <3

Special thanks to @insertdisc5 for answering when I reached out for comment on the writing of this essay. The reply was helpful and encouraged us to take our time and write this with extra care. (In Stars and Time can be found on Steam, Itch, GOG, Nintendo Store and Playstation Store. The Prologue Game can be found on Steam and the Start Again comic on insertdisc5’s website) Media, Myself and I is a series of Tumblr Essays for positive depictions of dissociative disorders. Other essays include: A History of Murder Alters Discworld and Plurality Incidental, intentional and accidental representation Gender, Dissociation and Clinical Stigma in The Third Person Recontextualized Memories in Umineko Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid The Dangers of Hypnotic Personality Play in Penlight System Origins in The Incredible Hulk Relationships with Systems in The Incredible Hulk The Healing Journey in Mr. Robot

...wait... what happened to Act 6?

I did say Loop deserved their own essay, didn't I?

[5ellaal5]

Actually, I thought of an answer:

However many iterations it took to find some folks in hospice care who hoped for Death with Dignity but were denied it because of it being illegal where they are or they didn’t qualify, and they need someone to help find the supplies and talk to family/friends until everyone is on board, and then find the right medication that will be an easy and peaceful death.

However many iterations it takes to learn all that, do the counseling, and get the supplies within one time loop, that’s how many it would take.

But even then I wouldn’t set out to do it just because I was time looping.

Presumably I have other things to do.

Because then I’d want to keep providing that option in each loop and that would be heartbreaking to see them back alive and suffering unless I intervened.

As another person in tags ( @lacuna-of-light ) said, if I make the decision to help someone reach death, I’d want for them to stay dead.

For their sake, not mine.

if you were trapped in a time loop how many repetitions do you think it would take for you to willingly kill another person, knowing there would be no consequences

[tom-foolery-incorporated]

The Appetite of a Mad Man

NSFW MDNI, pussy drunk!Beel, overstimulation, squirting, AFAB!reader, gender neutral, racially ambiguous, size kink, full nelson, reader gets used as a fleshlight, big beefy bara boy, pussy eating champ Beel

Beel couldn't help himself when you looked so small next to him. The way the top of your head only reached his chest or how you had to look up at him to make eye contact. It was so cute how your small hands got swallowed by his big ones every time you reached for him. What really made Beel go crazy was the little squeal of joy you let out when he picked you up and flopped you over his shoulder when you wouldn't stop talking to Mammon. He honestly only wanted to take you away from his older brother to cuddle but how happy you seemed to be when he man handled you made something in his lower stomach itch with need. When he flopped you onto his bed you looked like a perfect angel to him. Your eyes were crinkled from your smile as your hands lay near your head. When Beel's purple eyes met yours he could only see love and admiration in them.

"Beel!" you giggled reaching your arms out for him with grabby hands. Beel knelt down on the bed with his left knee between your legs to keep them spread. He supported his large body weight on his elbows so he could press his face to your temple. Your arms wrapped around his neck trying to pull him as close as possible. "You smell so good," Beel mumbled into your hair. You shivered at the feeling of his breath tickling your skin. "I started using a new conditioner," you mused rubbing the back of your boyfriend's neck. Beel hummed as he took a deeper breath in. "You should keep using it," he said softly against your hair, "I like how it smells on you." You couldn't help the warm feeling that pooled in your stomach when you felt how Beel's voice rumbled with his chest pressed to yours.

"MC," Beel said pulling back to make eye contact with you, "do you want to have sex?"

You were shocked at his forwardness and couldn't help but sputter around your words when searching for a response. "It's okay if you don't," Beel assured you, "just know that I like you in that way." The precious smile he had on his face when he said that made him look far too innocent than what the situation demanded. "Y-yes!" you finally managed to blurt out, "I do. I do want to have sex with you, Beel."

You could have melted from the sweet look on Beelzebub's face as he ran the back of his fingers down the side of your face. You just stared up at the massive demon in awe at how peaceful and content he looked just by being in your presence. Beel held your face with his hands, careful to support his weight on his knees, and took your lips into his.

At first kissing Beel was a strange experience since you had a new flavor every time. It wasn't until he kissed you with jalapeno and onion breath that he made a habit of brushing his teeth more regularly. But right now you could taste the orange soda he had just had on his tongue as it ran over yours so tenderly. Despite Beelzebub's massive size, he managed to be so gentle with you. It was like a grizzly bear handling a mouse. You couldn't help but giggle into the kiss when you compared your relationship to that video of a gorilla petting a groundhog you had seen a couple months ago.

Beel pulled back with a crooked smile on his face and his eyes half lidded. "What?" he asked peppering kisses up your neck, "did I tickle you?" You shook your head and ran your finger through his orange locks, "no, you're just so cute." Beelzebub hummed looking down at your face so beautifully glowing with happiness. He felt something in him burst at the thought that he was the one making you so happy.

"MC," Beelzebub's deep voice sent shivers down your spine, "I wanna taste you." You furrowed your eyebrows and bit your lip at his request. "I'm all yours, Beel," you said barely above a whisper. You noticed a shift in his behavior when you said that. Behind his purple eyes a carnal need shown through. His lips hung slightly open as he focused on unbuttoning your jeans and pulling them down. You lifted your hips to help but Beel barely noticed your movements. The tone of the room went from cotton candy pink to a deep velvety red in an instant. Beelzebub unceremoniously tossed your jeans to the ground leaving you in only your underwear and your shirt. He grabbed the backs of your knees and pushed your legs towards your chest marveling at the wet spot that was now appearing on the crotch of your underwear.

Beelzebub's pupils went wide like a cat ready to pounce. Drool dripped from his bottom lip and before you knew it the room was filled with a ripping sound. Beel tossed the shredded fabric that was once your underwear to the side. "Beel!" you whined propping yourself onto your elbows but you were quickly pulled into Beel as he sat on his knees with your lower body resting on his chest. You curled your toes at how easily your boyfriend managed to move you as well as how you could feel his awakening erection on the back of your neck. Your pussy was directly in Beel's face for his viewing pleasure. Wet folds were slick with your arousal and glistened in the soft light of his bedroom. Beelzebub traced his eyes over every detail of your labia. His eyes marveled at how your erect clit twitched with need.

Beel held the hood of your clit back with his thumb and index finger and traced the tip of his tongue over the very top of your clit. You bucked your hips and let out a whiny moan at the feeling of having your most delicate bundle of nerves so outwardly stimulated. Beel ran his fat tongue from your needy hole through your labia and back to tease around your clit. You grabbed at his forearms that held you so steadily to his chest for support. "You taste so good," Beel mumbled into your pussy drinking up as much of your juices as he could. You did your best to keep your breathing steady as Beelzebub's lips wrapped around your wanting clit and sucked. His tongue poked out through his lips and continued teasing the very tip of your clit making your legs squirm and your hips jolt with every lick. You felt his hold on you tighten as he found a rhythm of sucking your clit, licking through your folds then tongue fucking your hole.

"Beel!" you moaned out earning a low hum from your boyfriend, "fuck!" For the first time since he started engorging on your pussy he made eye contact with you. You felt your heart stop at how absolutely starved he looked. His eyes held a deep hunger that you only saw when he was denied food. Beelzebub held your gaze as he sucked so greedily on your clit. Your eyebrows furrowed and you could only whine in response to the direct stimulation to your cunt. His devouring grew more impassioned when he heard your needy moans filling the air around him. Beel needed to feel you cum on his tongue. If he did not feel your body twitch and shake with pleasure with his mouth still on your throbbing bud, he was sure he would die some sort of tragic death.

Your hips rolled against his face pathetically trying to get more and more of his mouth on your pussy. Beelzebub growled into your cunt at how desperate you looked right now. Your chest was heaving, your thighs twitching, your hands were taking handfuls of his pants the best they could, and your head was now thrown back in pleasure. Beel tightened one arm around your waist as he removed his other to slide two fingers into your throbbing hole.

You gasped at the sudden intrusion of his digits and felt your stomach tighten at the feeling of having your G-spot directly stimulated by the pads of his fingers. You felt your orgasm crash down on you as your legs shook with fervor over Beel's shoulders. The demon could feel pride growing in his chest at how easily he could make you come undone but his hunger only grew when your wanton moans reached his ears.

"B-Beel!" you whined when your orgasm began to wash away but his mouth and fingers continued to work on you as if Beelzebub's life would end if he wasn't slurping up your juices and fucking your pussy on his large fingers. Your legs were moving and twitching on their own due to the overstimulation that Beel bestowed upon you. His feverish feasting didn't let up no matter how much you whined and cried out. Until Beel heard the safe word, he wasn't stopping. Your cunt was too delicious to stop licking at and the way your hole squelched around and swallowed his fingers drove Beelzebub mad with lust. You could feel tears pooling in your eyes as you squeeze them shut from the feeling of both pain and pleasure that Beel brought to you. You could feel embarrassment heating your already sweltering body up with every wet sound your pussy made and every slurping sound Beel made after.

Suddenly your eyes popped open and your hips shot forward against his face. You could feel juices shoot our of your overstimulated cunt as your body seized in pure ecstasy. Beelzebub lapped up as much of your squirt as he could. He pulled out his fingers to cup around your cunt in order to let the liquid pool so he could drink your essence. You whined feeling his hot tongue trace over your folds looking to clean up the mess it so happily caused. Beelzebub pulled his face out of your cunt with strings of your juices still connecting his lips to your sloppy folds. Your vision became blurry through the tears that pooled in your eyes but you could see the love-struck and hungry expression Beel had pointed at you.

"MC," Beelzebub said wiping his lips with the back of his hand, "can you still move?" You kicked your legs to see if they still worked before giving a nod back to your boyfriend. "Yeah," you said breathlessly, "I think so." Beel smiled at you so warmly you almost forgot he had just made you squirt in his face. "Then can I fuck your pussy?" Your whole body shivered at how Beelzebub so casually asked such a crude question. "Fuck, Beel," you moaned, "yes! Please fuck me, Beelzebub!" Beel slowly slid you down his torso so your back could make contact with his bed once again. Your legs sat on either side of his hips as you propped yourself on your elbows. Beelzebub carefully crawled off the bed so he could remove his clothes. You watched carefully as Beelzebub pulled off his shirt. Your eyes slid down his body marveling at his large pecs, strong abdomen, and carved Adonis belt. Your eyes traced over the ginger happy trail all the way to where his cock lay trapped in his pants. You were sure the button on his pants would pop off at any second with how much his massive dick was pushing against the crotch of his pants.

You licked your lips watching Beel's strong hands, the same hands he finger fucked you with, unbutton and unzip his pants. He eagerly pulled his pants down taking his boxers with them before tossing them on the floor with his shirt. His cock bobbed against its own weight and leaked with need at the sight of your pliant body laid on his bed. You spread your legs more so Beel could see both the needy wetness you held for him as well as the mess he had made of your folds. "How do you want me, baby?" you asked fidgeting with your lower lip between your teeth. Beelzebub stopped for a moment to consider your question.

"Can you get on your knees and put your butt in the air?" Beel asked with an innocent look on his face. You flipped yourself over and adjusted yourself to his liking. You pressed your chest to his bed and rested your head on your folded arms. Beelzebub grabbed his cock and rubbed it at the sight of your hips waving back and forth. "MC," Beelzebub groaned, "you look so good." He crawled on the bed behind you with a grip on his cock and a firmer hand on your hip. Your body shivered in excitement when the head of his girthy cock rubbed through your folds. The blunt tip of his cock gathered up the wet mix of your cum and his saliva through your folds before pressing against your tight hole.

Beelzebub was never an easy fit no matter how much he prepped you but the way he stretched and filled you was worth it. You moaned out feeling the way Beel's massive cock intruded upon your hole. His cock split your needy cunt open with every inch he pushed in our slobbering hole. "Oh, Beel!" you whined out trying your best not to fuck yourself back onto his hard cock, "I love you! I love you so much!" Beel groaned at the way your walls fluttered and sucked his wanting cock into your warm body. "MC, you feel so good," he moaned doing his best to not start pounding into you. His hands held your cheeks opened so he could see exactly where your greedy cunt held his shaft. "MC," Beel moaned gently thrusting forward earning an appreciative whine from your lips. "Harder, Beel!" you moaned out, "I want you to use my pussy!" Beel growled in appreciation as his pace quickened. The soft pubes on his pelvis tickled your skin as they clapped against your ass with every thrust. Beelzebub leaned forward to wrap his arms around your waist so he could focus all of his energy into you ramming his hips into your tight cunt.

Wet slapping sounds echoed off the walls of Beelzebub's room making you hide your face into your arms. Your moans became shaky with every thrust that push your body forwards in Beelzebub's arms. His heavy balls slapped against your ass with every thrust he pushed into your small body. Your hole accommodated his massive girth so beautifully Beelzebub panted praises into your ear between his grunts and moans. Your thighs shivered at the overstimulation his girthy cock left in your tight hole. When you first had sex with Beel, you were sure he would never be able to fit all the way in. But now you could only shiver in ecstasy at how your cunt hole swallowed his cock to the hilt. You whined out feeling Beel's hot tongue lap up your neck only to be followed by open mouth kisses against your jaw. It was a strong contrast to how Beelzebub so brutally fucked into you and how he left such loving kisses up and down your neck. His hot breath fanned against the bare skin of your shoulder causing goosebumps to rise to the surface.

You felt like an animal in heat the way Beelzebub mounted you and used your hole like his own personal toy. You balanced yourself onto one elbow while your other hand reached between your thighs to toy with your aching clit. The sloppy juices from your pussy leaked downwards with every exit Beelzebub's cock made thoroughly coating your clit in a mixture between your own natural lubricant and the pre that leaked from Beel. You felt electricity jolt through your body when the pads of your middle and ring finger made contact with your clit. The way Beelzebub gnawed and kissed on your neck, the way his cock pushed your gummy walls apart, the way you could feel his torso begin to sweat onto your back, it was all becoming too much. Without warning, you yelled out in ecstasy from the concurrent stimulation to your hole and clit. You panted out Beelzebub's name like a prayer to a merciful god as he plowed your hole through your orgasm.

The stimulation was becoming too much and you reached back to grab at Beelzebub to let him know since with every thrust of his cock words seemed to die in your throat. You clawed at Beelzebub's massive bicep with only pathetic whines leaving your mouth. A low growl emanated from deep within Beel's chest at the way your dull nails scratched at his tough skin. "You feel so good," Beelzebub grumbled into your neck, his body reacting well to your whining. "I don't think I can stop." Your eyes went wide when Beelzebub pulled his upper body away from yours to wrap his large hands around your thighs and hoist you into a full nelson with his hands clasped on the back of your head leaving your arms pinned behind his and your legs uselessly draped over his elbows. Your eyes stay trained on where his powerful cock pistoned in and out of your over-fucked hole. The burning overstimulation stayed with every frictionless thrust Beelzebub made into you.

It seemed that his gluttony was getting the better of him and despite you having already cum, he wanted more from your pussy. It's only fair that he fucks you senseless after all since you did tell him to use your pussy how he pleased. The wet clapping sounds of his cock pummeling your cunt grew messier. Your poor fucked out cunt produced schlopping sounds that only drove Beel to madness. The warm encompassing feeling of your body so lovingly accommodating his massive girth so wonderfully. If given the the opportunity, Beelzebub would have you sat on his cock all hours of the day for him to use.

Fat tears filled your eyes as the overstimulation turned into pleasure with every pound Beel delivered to your squelching cunt. "I'm gonna fill you," Beelzebub growled through gritted teeth. "Going to knock you up. Fuck you full of my cum." You nodded your head to the best of your ability with his firm grip on the back of your head. Beel continued to mumble various "fuck, I love you," and "gonna pump you full of cum," through your pleasured wailing. A wet feeling washed through your cunt making you squeal out Beelzebub's as a flood of squirt erupted from your cunt. A clear spray of your cum rushed out of you splashing and dribbling onto the messed up sheets of of Beelzebub's bed in front of you. Your mouth hung open in amazement at not only how you squirted but how much came out. Beel's thrusts faltered as he watched you spray your cum onto his sheets from over your head. All he could do was release a low groan as his own warm cum flooded your sloppy cunt. He slammed your poor body down onto his cock so he was fully sheathed as he pumped his load into your warm body.

Beelzebub shivered through his orgasm as you hung uselessly in his arms. You panted softly trying to ground yourself after having your pussy so thoroughly used by your boyfriend. Beelzebub slowly pulled out of you making you whine from the overstimulation of his cock gliding against your walls once again. "MC?" Beel asked in a quiet voice as he adjusted your position so he could place you on the edge of the bed. Careful to avoid the puddle of squirt you left on his sheets, you flopped down with your chest rhythmically moving up and down. "Are you okay?" Beel asked kneeling between your knees. "Yeah," you huffed "yeah. That was great." You closed your eyes and hummed at the feeling of Beelzebub's strong hands massaging your legs as they hung like spaghetti over the edge of the bed. You opened your eyes and propped yourself up onto your elbows when you heard Beelzebub move to get up. He looked down at your debauched form with his lips slightly parted and his eyes half lidded. "Beel," you started, "can we take a bath now?" Beelzebub held his balled fist to his stomach with his eyes still trained on you. "MC, I'm still hungry."

[xxhentaibootytomhardyblowme]

i want a story told from the perspective of someone whose spouse was caught in a time loop groundhog day style.

sure your husband became a better person during those thousands of loops but you don’t really know him anymore do you?

he’s spent years, maybe decades, with versions of you, having moments that you don’t remember and can never experience. he knows literally everything about you, because you told it to him in one loop or another.

one day your marriage was falling apart and the next he’s a perfect husband again. but you don’t know how to handle that. it’s like they replaced him with someone completely different.

and maybe despite his flaws you loved the old him too. maybe despite your failing relationship he was still dear to you. but this new man who knows every trick to work his way into your heart, knows jazz piano and russian literature and how to carve chainsaw ice sculptures - that’s not the man you married.

and maybe you want the old him back sometimes

because he went on this grand journey of self improvement - but he left you behind in the process.

[isaacsapphire]

Feeling generally demoralized and lowkey hopeless about the election; we’ve been doing this since 2016 and it’s starting to feel like Groundhog Day.

Donald Trump probably ran for president as a PR stunt. His whole thing feels like a joke that stopped being funny before the 2016 primaries were over.

The Democrats appear to have been phoning it in, flopping between halfhearted attempts to get the Obama energy back with a woman this time, and flinging whoever is closest at hand up and declaring that Trump is an existential threat so you gotta shut up and vote for whatever reheated leftovers they dragged out, and then the combination of both.

Both have coalitions of both perfectly cromulent normies and batfuck wannabe genocidaires who want to violently repress some portion of the population. Who knows how that’s gonna pan out; might be nothing, might be horrifying, I honestly don’t know if either coalition is more tilted towards horrifying in numbers or inclination.

Whether either ticket is capable of leading the world hegemon through a war or other major crisis is also unclear; Trump’s old and clearly not what he once was, and that’s assuming he was ever up to the task. He didn’t perform well during the Covid crisis imo, which leaves me doubtful that the Trump of 2025 will be able to navigate some new crisis well. Kamala is a social climber lawyer who has transparently gotten this far in large part because of her gender and ethnic heritage but at least she probably has a few good years left in her. Neither of them are stupid but neither of them really seem like the right person to lead the country through the crises that are inevitably coming up in the next four years.

The VPs both seem potentially more capable but also kinda wildcards, especially Vance who appears to have been revealed as a consummate suck-up, but his relationship with Thiel is promising to me rather than threatening and his mixed race marriage and children mean that he personally is bought in to a multiracial society. Walz seems fine and fairly competent, his background in education is nice. Neither are silver spoons, both have real life experience and some kind of military experience, which is good. I would actually be engaged and having to make a real decision if this was a legit Vance vs Walz race.

I don’t live in a swing state so my opinion is irrelevant though.

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

btw i'm letting people know because i just had firsthand experience with it:

when we have long stretches of heat like this, some wild animals will overheat or dehydrate more easily, and you're more likely to stumble upon an extremely lethargic animal that looks for all intents and purposes like it's literally at death's door. it will look like it ate something poisonous and needs to be mercy killed. i cannot emphasize enough: do not approach it, because tired and dehydrated or not, it will still attack if it feels threatened, and not to mention lethargy is very much a rabies symptom. instead call your local animal control. they'll come take it away, give it a little R&R, and safely release it near a water source when it's feeling better

(this info brought to you by the groundhog i thought for sure was actively dying on my front lawn - like, barely reacted to me and my dog, lying flat on the grass with flies all over him kind of dying - until half an hour later the animal control lady went to put him in a carrier and he SUDDENLY had the energy to try and evade capture by RUNNING TOWARD ME and scaring the absolute shit out of me in the process. godspeed little man. enjoy the free food and water at the animal control center)

[altschmerzes]

i’ve reached the amatonormativity breaking point. i want to crawl into a cave and never experience shipping or jokes about how athletes on the same team who play well together Have to be in love or snide comments about Just Friends or the inevitability of And Then They Get Together forcibly stapled onto every single character dynamic or calling other people’s relationships into question because you think they’re too close to Not be In Love with each other or whatever else the world chooses to throw at me again. there is never any making it stop or even making people think for a second before barrelling headfirst into doing this constantly and without regard for what they’re reinforcing or shitting on as long as they get to have their fun. I’m Sick Of It. ive seen enough and im crawling back in the dirt like some kind of aromantic groundhog GOODBYE.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. hey y'all im hoping you're having a good holiday. im in the mood for jin ling having a complex about his courtesy name. thanks, y'all are spectacular!

climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (T, 15k, JC & JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, JL & LSZ, JL & WWX, Post-Canon, Mutually Unrequited Forgiveness, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Family History, Generational Trauma, Discussion of Canonical Abuse, Awkward Attempts at Communication, mentions of past JC/WQ, Fairy is a good dog) This is for #1 but it's not the focus of the entire fic, just the second section

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2. Hello! In the mood for canon setting time loop fics? Not just going back in time once, but someone is stuck in a loop over and over again. Preferably Wei Wuxian-centric, but it could be any character. Love this blog, thank you all! @gloriousclotpole

the cycle of regret by KouriArashi (T, 14k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Fix-It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Canon) LWJ is the one stuck in the loop

Wearing Down Every Bone by CSHfic, VSfic (E, 30k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Pining, Getting Together, Time Travel, Night Hunts, Hurt wwx, Mystery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Use Your Words, Mutual Pining, Depression and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gratuitous use of empathy) I have something that's post-canon rather than strictly canon, but still deserves a mention I feel

Pocketful of Soul by Jenrose (T, 182k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF MXY, MXY Lives, Genderfluid MXY, MXY Backstory, POV MXY, If At First You Don’t Succeed Try Try Again and Again and Again, Wangxian Speedrun, times three because time travel, Found Family, Genius MXY, Genius WWX, Not particularly JGY friendly, CQL-based) Pocketful of Soul by Jenrose is probably not what people expect from time loops but it is time loops nonetheless

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3. Do you know good fics where Yu Ziyuan got some karma for the way she treated Wei Wuxian? Bonus if her husband got some karma too (even if he never mistreated directly Wei Wuxian, he didn't stop his wife to abuse him)

🔒If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 101k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending,   Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It’s All The System’s Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ’s Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels)

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4. Hi! Itmf where lan wangji and Wei wuxian are in an established relationship and suddenly lan wangji goes back in time. ❤️❤️

The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 25k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, Time Travel Fix-It, not JC friendly, not Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect friendly, not Jiāng Family friendly, not YZY friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WIP)

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5. I love all time travel, but could I ask for fics where the person time-travelling isn't wwx? I'd love for the person to seize the opportunity to make sure that wwx experiences less (or none!) of the Horrors haha

🔒💖 The blame game by apathyinreverie (T, 13k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, LXC & WWX, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, possessive LWJ, oblivious WWX, fluff, siblings, romance, golden core reveal, golden core fix-it) Lan Xichen travels back to just before Wei Wuxian liberates the Wens and supports him.

Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo) the one travelling is JC, to the moment he and LWJ find WWX after Burial Mounds

The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 25k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, Time Travel Fix-It, not JC friendly, not Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect friendly, not Jiāng Family friendly, not YZY friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WIP) link in #4

Resilience. by Vrishchika (T, 7k, wangxian, time travel, not JC friendly, golden core transfer fix-it) JC & LWJ are the time travellers

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) The Junior Quartet time travels

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 70 k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, POV LWJ, POV JC, Dark LWJ, Manipulation, Grooming, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Consensual Underage Sex, Except problematic please read warning in first chapter, Blood and Violence, Insane LWJ, Manic LWJ, Conditioning, WWX is a Lán, Minor Character Death, Confused JC, Golden Core Reveal, Good Friend NHS, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Abusive Jiāng Family, Jiāng Family Bashing, Jiāng Family Critical, POV NHS, Dark NHS, Anal Sex, Marathon Sex, Dual Cultivation, Qīnghéng-jūn Lives, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Self-Lubricates, Plot Twists, Porn With Plot, Scheming NHS, Manipulative NHS, BAMF LWJ, BAMF WWX) Dark!LWJ time travels & sets out to ensure WWX has a happy life

A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Getting Together, First Time, Pining while fucking, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Angst with a Happy Ending, CQL Verse, almost everybody lives/almost nobody dies, epistolary-ish, canon-ish side pairings, radishes) LWJ time travels. Features an interesting price for the second chance

💖 With Surgical Precision by metisket (T, 20k, WQ & WN, WQ & WWX, WangXian, Time Travel, Families of Choice, sibling bonding through murder) WQ time travels

💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) LQR time travels

Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WWX & WN & WQ, JC & WWX, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, Angst, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Dark, BAMF WWX, mentions of abuse, Not Everyone Dies au, XY doesn’t have a happy ending) Technically WWX does time travel in this, but only after WQ does

Regrets by antebunny (G, 38k, wangxian, miscommunication, misundersandings, time travel fix-it, temporary character death, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort) Both LWJ & WWX time travel

The Wild Geese’s Tomb by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (T, 66k, WangXian, Time Travel AU, fixit, Temporary Character Death) several people time travel, including WWX, but it's LWJ pov

somehow, someway, we all get to someday by Stratisphyre (T, 76k, CSSR/LQR/WCZ, LQR & Madam Lan, LQR & CSSR, wangxian, JYL & LXC, Madam Lan/OFC, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Canon-Typical Violence, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Parenthood, Not Everyone Dies AU, Threesome - F/M/M, Family Feels, Not JFM Friendly, Not Lan Sect Friendly, past emotional abuse, Demisexual Character, Inclusive discussions of reproductive rights) it's lqr who goes back

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6. Hii! For the next itmf, do you guys have any f1 recs? Thank you!

Set the pace by Lunarieen (T, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coffee Shops & Cafés, Sports, Getting Together, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of an accident (nothing graphic), 5+1 Things, Light Angst, Slow Burn, Formula 1)

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7. For the next intmf could you do any of your favourite there was only one bed or fake dating fics?

Just the best pining from both sides and the angst of lying in bed next to the boy you like!

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition,Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer)

You, Asleep and Dreaming by etymologyplayground (M, 9k, WangXian, LWJ POV, 5+1 Things, Literal Sleeping Together, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Intimacy, Getting Together, Fluff, Post-Canon, Undressing, wwx's 'angry lwj' kink)

abort retry fail by aroceu (E, 21k, wangxian, amnesia, married WX, internalized homophobia, handholding, smut, canon-typical kink, fluff & humor, SBWY)

Always Knew You Were Magical by jeyhawk (E, 25k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Curse Breaking, Case Fic, Sharing a Bed, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Pining, Resolved Sexual Tension, Masturbation, First Time, Blow Jobs, curse fic, College/University, True Love's Kiss, Attempted self harm under the influence of a curse)

the moon lives in the lining of your skin by sarahyyy (M, 9k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Friends With Benefits, Misunderstandings, Oblivious, Pining, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Roommates)

cut through the clouds, break the ceiling by tardigradeschool (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Love Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Pining, Fluff)

call me home and I'll build you a throne by ana_cp (E, 51k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Post-CQL, Canon Compliant, Cloud Recesses, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy, ... and then Sexual Intimacy, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Farmer WWX, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Mutual Pining, Communication, Quietly Falling Into a Married Life, Light Angst, (because they don't think they deserve each other), Wholesome, POV LWJ, POV WWX, Sharing a Bed, WWX's Birthday, Semi-Public Sex, Inventor WWX, Jealous WWX)

The answer has always been yes by Magnolia822 (E, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Bisexual Male Character, Frottage, Sexual Tension, Unsafe Sex, Getting Together, There Was Only One Bed)

End Racism on the OTW - Adventures in Pet Sitting by raitala (E, 63k, WangXian, background NieLan, Modern AU, Mild Hurt/Comfort, obscure animal facts, Artist WWX, Maths Nerd LWJ, POV LWJ, comphet lwj, Self-Realisation, Coming Out, London, Sharing a Bed, Exploring Sexuality, Mutual Pining, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Masturbation, Light Dom/sub, Oral Sex, Frottage)

🔒 tuck me in by belovedmuerto (T, 4k, WangXian, bed sharing, Hurt/Comfort, mostly comfort, Pre-Slash, Getting Together, Nightmares, expressions of care)

Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart by Alaceron (T, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fake/Pretend relationship, Oblivious WWX)

❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, wangxian, modern w magic, college/university au, fake/pretend relationship, single parent WWX, homophobia, light angst w/ happy ending, idiots to lovers, fluff)

~*~

8. A more severely autistic lan wangji? With Wangxian, explorations of ableism,

My Boy Builds Coffins by enbysaurus_rex (Not Rated, 48k, WangXian, Coffin Maker AU, YL WWX, Location: Yílíng, LWJ builds coffins, Autistic LWJ, falling in love over a coffin, Hurt WWX, Mutual Pining, LWJ Has Feelings, Deathscapes, Death as a bittersweet community thing, accidental ecofiction, Farmer LWJ)

a new kind of silence by deliciousblizzardshark (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, Autistic LWJ, Communication Disorder, Trans LWJ, Protective WWX, Pregnant LWJ, Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Soft WangXian, POV WWX)

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9. hi hiii i’ve looked through your omegaverse recs, but i’m specifically trying to find fics where wwx and lwj were both alphas pre death, but wwx became an omega when he woke up in mxy’s body. do you have any like that?

You've got me feelin' like a child now by MaggieoftheOwls (E, 9k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Past Alpha WWX, Omega MXY, not that Wangxian realize at first)

March 31st by Midshipsman (E, 3k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, Omega MXY, Gender Dysphoria, Body Dysphoria, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Biting, Oral Knotting, Top WWX, Switching (kinda), Loving acceptance of your partner's needs, Trans Male Character, Light BDSM)

Tilted by BadPennyGirl, thedawnwall (M, 24k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha WWX, Alpha LWJ, Omega MXY, Gender Dysphoria, Sexual Tension, No Sex, Just a lot of thirsting, Canon-Typical Gender Stereotypes, Getting Together, WN is the Best Brother, Cuddling & Snuggling, Spooning, Masturbation, JC Tries, JC is So Done, Omega WN)

( Five to Seven Days by Unforth (E, 5k, wangxian, A/B/O, Canon Divergence, Vers LWJ, Bottom LWJ, Vers WWX, Top WWX, WWX in MXY's Body, Omega WWX, Alpha MXY, Alpha LWJ, Knotting, Rutting, Body Dysphoria, WWX is Kind Of Presentation Queer, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Explicit Consent) and the opposite, formerly omega!wwx is now in alpha!mxy's body )

Smoke by TenyaTrash (E, 298k, WangXian, ZhuiLing, NieLan, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Mutual Pining, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Beta LXC, Alpha Turned Omega WWX, Lost Love, Omega LSZ, Beta JL, Alpha JC, Omega NHS, Sharing Body Heat, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Denial of Feelings, Scenting, Scent Marking, Primarily CQL with elements of novel thrown in, Sibling Bonding, Courting Rituals, Marriage Proposal, Protective JC, Yunmeng Brothers Reconciliation, Versatile wangxian, Married Life, Enthusiastic Consent, Family Bonding, supportive families, Divergent Omegaverse, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics)

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10. ITMF longform college au fics! slowburn and preestablished friendship preferred. bonus if there's nightmare hurt/comfort or sickfic elements, i just like when they take care of each other :) thanks!! @monstergreentea

and here comes the summertime by ribena (M, 72k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Academia, this is set in America, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, Humor, Light Angst, Falling In Love, Found Family)

mating rituals by detectorist (E, 16k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Humour, Pining, Getting Together, Idiots in Love)

💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery) kind of? lots of college flashbacks?

Walk the Circle in the Other Direction by notevenyou (E, 31k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, High School, Coming Out, Homophobia, Bad Parenting, Alcohol, Recreational Drug Use, Vomiting, Panic Attack, Bullying, Minor Injuries, Blood, Fighting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Oblivious WWX, honestly not as dark as the tags make it seem, bisexual wwx, WWX/MM, sex between a man and a woman)

Falling Headlong by floraidh (T, 35k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, skater au, First Meetings, First Kiss, Getting Together, autistic lwj)

Only Fools Rush In by justpeace (M, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Bisexual Disaster WWX, Asian-American Character, Banter, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together)

But really, why? by Scrippio (T, 52k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University)

take me home (where i belong) by scarletwanlian (E, 153k, WangXian, Modern AU, Slice of Life, PTSD, Trauma, Dissociation, Music, Strangers to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Injury Recovery, mental recovery, Mental Health Issues, Non-Sexual Intimacy, AND sexual intimacy, Literal Sleeping Together, First Time, Families of Choice, Car Accidents, Found Family, Flashbacks, Nightmares, gore elements somewhat, descriptions can get a bit gorey at times, Eventual Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Healing, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, Survivor Guilt, Whump)

like blue flame over my fingertips by tangerinechar (T, 37k, WangXian, College/University, Mutual Pining, 5+1 Things, Food as a Metaphor for Love, lwj and jzx being reluctant bros)

🔒you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry (T, 150k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Social Media, Mental Health Issues, Healing, self-care, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, the mortifying ordeal of self-acceptance, Falling In Love, Depression, Slow Burn)

(Planning the Day) To Meet You by Bettydice (E, 61k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Pining, Mutual Pining, WWX raises A-Yuàn, minimum angst, MAXIMUM GAY, Self-indulgent fluff, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, POV LWJ, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Anal Sex, Intercrural Sex)

Stumbling Into You by Magnolia822 (E, 39k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Getting Together, Friends to Lovers, Practice Kissing, Bisexuality, Coming Out, New York City, Denial of Feelings, Mutual Pining, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Light Angst, Fluff and Smut, Slow Burn, Past WWX/MM, Underage Drinking, Recreational Drug Use, Family Dynamics, Falling In Love, Found Family, Unsafe Sex, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning)

❤️ the best of you by sysrae (E, 41k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, slightly undernegotiated kink, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JFM and Madam Yu's A+ parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Mental Health Issues, the most tender of railings, Reference to animal attacks/animal cruelty, descriptions of past violence)

🔒some impulse of delight by handclaps (E, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, First Time, Light Bondage)

~*~

11. I want wangxian fics like the web series "TRANSPLANT" , it's an hospital story, about a doc, Hamed who came from a war background? He has got ultra instincts, a gifted doc, a nice kind person. He was a patient in the hospital and 2 weeks later he joined in as the doc there. The story is nice.

~*~

12. Fics where

A) wwx and/or lwj is a biker?

B) wx like to dance together like in a lazy afternoon, or after a soft beautiful date, or on their wedding day, or when a yuan is baby talking.

12B)

Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, WangXian, Modern AU, unleashed au, Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx’s biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending) this fic is mostly very angsty but there is one very cute wangxian dancing scene. Good fic though

For Once In My Life by Selenay (M, 7k, wangxian, Modern, Dance AU, Strictly Come Dancing Fusion, Dancer WWX, Violinist LWJ, Ballroom Dancing, Established Relationship, Romantic Fluff, the inherent sexiness of being lovingly cared for, Podfic Available) might like For Once in My Life; It's a sequel to a longer fic (also great!) where wangxian are dance partners on a reality show, but this part is mostly about them practising a dance together at home, so it could fit the request.

Just Ask Me To Stay by mrcformoso (M, 21k, wangxian, Former JZn/WWX, Minor LXC/NMJ, Minor JYL/JZX, Modern, Dancer WWX, Musician LWJ, Roommates, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Recovery, Family, Realizing Your Best Friend is the Love of Your Life, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, And LWJ is not having it, Sex as Self Worth Reaffirmation, Fluff, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Domestic Fluff, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Size Queen WWX, Belly Bulge, Porn With Plot, WWX Has Friends, LWJ Has Friends, Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Comedy, Cute, Feel-good) WWX is a dancer and he dances on good days and LWJ dances with him.

~*~

13. for the next ITMF,

a) (wangxian's or any) future child/ren time travel in the past

b) boashan sanren is present/involved in the storyline (like she went down her mountain, being with wwx, or any)

c) secretly married wangxian (pref. modern)

thankyouuuuuu!!!

13A)

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) link in #5 Also works for this request as LSZ time travels

Baby Of Mine by pupeez4eva (G, 3k, wangxian, time travel, humor, canon divergence, everyone lives, gusu school days, family)

Ardent Desires by crestre (Not rated, 6k, wangxian, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, A/B/O, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Mpreg, Fix-It of Sorts)

13B)

Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 39k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, WWX is BSSR’s disciple) WWX is BSSR's disciple

Can't Tell Me Nothin by natacup82 (T, 35k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Family Feels, Communication, BAMF Women)

Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

13C)

Love Me Just A Little by mostlynonsense (travelingpsycho) (T, 16k, WangXian, Modern, Family Feels, Fake Dating (But Married), Happy Ending, Established Relationship)

Me and my husband (we are doing better) by like_a_bird_that_flew (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Yanli's POV, Fluff, Coming Out, Family Feels, Light Angst, Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Unresolved Emotional Tension, It's mostly super fluffy though dw, Family, Romance) secret marriage

Here everyone knows you're the way to my heart by like_a_bird_that_flew (T, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coming Out, Angst and Humor, Mostly chill though, Family Feels, POV Alternating, Established Relationship) secret relationship (not married yet)

~*~

14. Hello, would you be a dear and suggest me some fics? I'm in the mood for fics where there's little wwx and little lwj, but especially little wwx being adorably cute and getting a lot of love. Even more lovelier if little lwj got interested in little wwx early on. Basically I want kiddos wwx & lwj. Thank you very much and have a nice day, dearest.

Noodle-Xian and Fluff-Ji Series by meyari (G, 10k, WangXian, JFM/YZY, Kid Fic, Shifter, Fluff, Dragon WWX, Bunny LWJ, bunny lwj, Shifter AU, dragon wwx, Discussion of Serious Injury, discussion of curses) Also very fluffy (literally and figuratively) with animal transformation

#FreePalestine | a birthday treat! by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (G, 7k, wangxian, Pre-Canon, Canon Compliant, Different First Meeting, Kid Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, WWX's Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Friendship, Childhood Friends, Street Kid WWX, i wish there was a tag for fluffy angst:, you'll want to laugh and squeal through the tears at the same time, i would give the entire world for little a-ying i swear it, LWJ was born ready to care for and feed and nurture and love WWX)

a hop, skip, and a jump to you by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (G, 6k, wangxian, Magic AU, Witches, Shapeshifting, Rabbit LWJ, Rabbit WWX, Fluff, Childhood Friends, Just two bunny boys growing and learning together and being just so gosh darn cute, Tooth-Rotting Fluff)

~*~

15. I’m in the mood for a fic with a Wangxian marriage gone wrong. Like Wangxian is perfectly happy but the cultivation world is not and try to kill them about it. @apparently-i-am-an-adult

Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

16. Hello and thank you as always to the incredible mods and hive mind community of Wangxian Fic Finder! I've got an ITMF request:

With Wei Wuxian being the undeniable powerhouse of the Sunshot Campaign, it makes sense that Wen Ruohan would make an effort to take him off the board, one way or another. ITMF fics where Wei Wuxian is targeted by the Wens during Sunshot: he's lured into a trap on the battlefield, targeted by an assassin in camp, an attempted kidnapping, whatever. (No Jiang sibling bashing please). Excited for the recommendations! @flamingwell

~*~

17. hiii! itmf for possessive lan wangji? thank you!

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 70 k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, POV LWJ, POV JC, Dark LWJ, Manipulation, Grooming, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Consensual Underage Sex, Except problematic please read warning in first chapter, Blood and Violence, Insane LWJ, Manic LWJ, Conditioning, WWX is a Lán, Minor Character Death, Confused JC, Golden Core Reveal, Good Friend NHS, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Abusive Jiāng Family, Jiāng Family Bashing, Jiāng Family Critical, POV NHS, Dark NHS, Anal Sex, Marathon Sex, Dual Cultivation, Qīnghéng-jūn Lives, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Self-Lubricates, Plot Twists, Porn With Plot, Scheming NHS, Manipulative NHS, BAMF LWJ, BAMF WWX) link in #5 Also works for this as LWJ is about as possessive as you can get

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 712k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) LWJ is pretty possessive in this

That Time Wei Wuxian Fell In Love With His First Officer And Didn't Even Realize by seungchxn (E, 9k, WangXian, Star Trek Fusion, Captain WWX, First Officer LWJ, Vulcan Mind Melds, Vulcan Kisses, Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Hand Jobs, Hand & Finger Kink, Alien Biology, Mind Meld, Mutual Pining, First Time, First Kiss, Falling In Love, True Love, Soulmates, Accidental Marriage, Unrequited Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious WWX, WWX is a Little Shit, WWX is Bad at Feelings, Possessive LWJ, LWJ is Whipped, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, The Inherent Eroticism of Holding Hands)

Teacher's Pet by anobtra by (animeobsessedtrash) (E, 43k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Age Difference, Professor WWX, Student LWJ, Degradation, mild stalking, thigh riding, WWX Talks Dirty, Frottage, Mutual Masturbation, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Coming Untouched, Orgasm Delay/Denial, LWJ is a Brat, Consent is Sexy, Begging, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Teasing, Hair-pulling, Semi-Public Sex, Masturbation, Consensual Sex, Rough Sex, Dry Humping, everyone is of-age, Barebacking, Possessive Behavior ,Porn With Plot, Jerk Off Instructions, Service Top WWX, just a lil bit Protective LWJ, Pining LWJ, Light Humiliation, Possessive WWX, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Possessive LWJ, Intercrural Sex) pls mind tags!

Howling for You by Runningbarefoot (E, 8k, WangXian, Fluff and Smut, dragon lwj, fox wwx, Possessive LWJ, Dom/sub Undertones, Fantasy, Biting, Anal Sex, horny wangxian, not really explicit I'm just playing it safe, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, kidnapped WWX, Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Twitter threadfic, Porn With Plot, dramatic declarations of love, shameless wwx, Light-Hearted)

These Mortal Treasures by ChilianXianzi (T, 9k, WangXian, Fantasy, Canon Divergence, Dragon LWJ, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Possessive LWJ, Domestic Fluff, implied eggpreg, Dragonji's hoard is 1 (one) weiying, The Cultivation World's canonical fuckery, eggyuan!, Gift Giving)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[itsraining-honey]

since i was younger or well, since i’ve been 14, i’ve been falling asleep to an air conditioner for five years. its odd i guess but it comforts me.

it bothers my mom and brother because it makes my room an ice box and if i leave the door open, it makes the house cold as well.

i always ask myself if this is normal of me. normal to keep it on, normal to be freezing cold for hours despite already being freezing cold.

where i am, fall and winter get cold real quick. or at least it does usually. that depends on that stupid groundhog though (luv u punxsutawney phil).

i fall asleep to the noise of the air conditioner. the fan, i guess. it’s comforting, it makes me feel safe. its my “white noise” or “whale noise” you could say.

i don’t know why i’m like this. and it like physically pains me to keep it off when trying to sleep. during the day i’m fine, i can turn it off but when i sleep, IT HAS TO BE ON. i can’t not have it on. its anxiety inducing to not have it on and try to sleep. i sound pathetic 😭

this isnt meant to be depressing or anything lol just me voicing a five year long thought and compulsion.

that’d be cool if someone could relate! when i search this stuff up, no one usually has the same experience i do lol 💀

[goddessxeffect]

I AM IS PLAYING ALL THE PARTS

A few weeks back, when I (thought that I) understood what Neville meant by that phrase I was, no shit, in rush hour traffic at a crowded train station with hundreds of people around me. Shortly before that, I had heard some audio recordings of him in the car, which may have triggered this epiphany. I recommend that, by the way.

And just when I was thinking about the fact that I haven't written or really dealt with the whole topic "There is no other but You (awareness)" for a really long time since this former revelation, I got this new thought or actually is it's much more than just a thought. I guess this time I really understood what "I AM is playing all the parts" means but let me explore.

You continue to fall for the illusion of being a person living in a world with things separate from them. There is nothing that exists. Only you do. Not his reality, not hers, only you(rs). @4dbarbie

Basically we start with the true fact that future and past do not exist and the only "time" is the present moment. This means that all experiences (that you have had or everything that you are now and can be in the future) exist in consciousness at this moment. But we all already know that, because that's the core message behind creation is finished.

If I want to have a pet, for example, and currently know or identify with an ego that does not have any pets then this does not mean that the experience of owning a pet does not already exist in consciousness. It has to or else Ego wouldn't or couldn't have the desire for it. But what I don't have is that condition selected for my currently embodied ego, since we know that if I know or believe something (of myself) then I (ego) "see" it.

So what really happens now when you experience that "others" have things or experiences that you don't but want to have? It's really easy. To remind you, all things already exist in consciousness. This means they are visible but not as an attribute or state of your ego, the character you currently identify with. They are visible in a sense as "others" in your (egos) environment show that quality or state that you currently want to embody e.g. you see a woman walking past 'you' with the very pet that ego wants.

Your problem arises from identifying with an ego that currently does not acknowlegde or embody that quality as truth for itself. Your current ego then cannot accept that trait or state, but because that experience already exists in consciousness (belongs to you), and everything has the same source (awareness) and is already being aware of, the trait or state is visible in the ego's life. Because you have already become aware of this quality or state, you are being it, you know it exists, therefore ego wants it.

It's like Groundhog Day. Again, this is just a misidentification with the ego, an illusion really, or ego's assumption that this quality or state is not belonging to you, that is, it is not visibly embodied in ego's life. Speaking in the name of Law of Assumption, this means that the assumptions of the ego override your very state of self, possession or source of all things. Because you identify yourself primarily with the ego, you fulfill this assumption more than your actual state, which includes everything. You are that powerful, imagine!

The world you are seeing now is just awareness appearing as form so if you are awareness at your core the desired reality (= desire, thing, experience, person/ego) you want is not seperate from you. The paradox: the more you try to make something happen "physically", the more you identify with ego.

I really hope this all makes sense! You know what you have to do now. Stop identifying with the ego. Stop pretending that there are things that aren't yours or qualities that aren't part of you. This is not the truth but just a distorted image created by You because You think you're the ego.

Ada, I know you're out there. I hope you are proud of your student, who has now become a teacher herself - especially in her own life. All of your students daily help to make this knowledge understandable and spread it, but all thanks to you!

[wilcze-kudly]

honestly.... kuvira has irl parallels w putin.

I mean yeah I've compared her to Stalin and WOW IT'S ALMOST LIKE RUSSIA HAS BEEN DOING THE SAME DAMN THING FOR DECADES. Like seriously it's starting to feel like fucking groundhog day man.

And look, I don't want to be the asshole who shames people for liking Kuvira. I like a lot of aspects of Kuvira's character.

She's hot, she's charismaric (mainly due to Zelda Williams but yk) and she's a relatively compelling character. People are allowed to enjoy a villain character without endorsing the shitty stuff those villains do.

But there is a distinction between Kuvira the character and what Kuvira represents/the thinly veiled real life ideologies behind her.

Kuvira as a character is interesting, you know? Fun to talk about. Someone who was abandoned at a young age and proceeded to self sabotage her relationships and became a control freak who fears vulnerability due to that. Pretty standard villain shit. But fun, and there's a little more to her.

Kuvira as a representant of real world ideologies carries much more weight. People catch onto her Nazi imagery, but the Soviet stuff isn't as obvious. A lot of western europeans and Americans, the main demographic of Avatar won't immediately clock those influences behind Kuvira.

To those countries, Soviet occupation of Eastern Bloc countries was just the cold war, the red scare, a looming threat that could cause harm, but was at least not capable of influencing their lives too intimately.

While the countries that were under the power of the Soviet Union still have that memory fresh in their minds. Hell, my mom grew up in the PRL, my uncle was a part of Solidarność. People remember that shit it wasn't that long ago. Reading literature from not that long ago like A Minor Apocalypse or Madame feels surreal. When I read memoirs or just heard stories from my older relatives, I could taste the atmosphere of bleakness, distrust and confusion.

So maybe I'm just more primed to notice how Kuvira's actions play into patterns of Russian aggression. Maybe when Western European and American viewers are more willing to give Kuvira the benefit of the doubt, or see merit in her actions, I'm more willing to look at her through the lenses of the ideologies she represents.

Throughout most of the show, we don't actually see that much of Kuvira as a character. She's more a silent, looming villain in the background and due to her more calculated demeanour, we don't get a lot of insight into her personality until the last two episodes. So maybe it's easier to look at her more as a representant of dangerous ideologies than as a character.

Mind you, I don't think Bryke really thought through the implications of giving Kuvira the aesthetic and ideology they did. Nazis and to a lesser extent, Soviets, have become very much shorthand for "bad guy" in fiction. If they had thought this through, I wanna at least hope that they would have handled Kuvira more carefully.

Because by giving Kuvira a sense of moral ambiguity and the clumsy handling of her character, you have dumbasses ob reddit defending her. I'm genuinely shocked at the amount of Kuvira apologism in the tlok fandom.

But that goes back to the Western Bloc viewers and creators not really being familiar with the history Kuvira embodies. Not fully imagining the perspective of for example the people under her rule. Which is a perspective I am desperate to see, filling out the blanks with the history Kuvira draws from.

Most of B4 is seen through that 'outside perspective' of Korra and Republic City. Not unlike how a huge part of the narrative around the cold war and Ussr is the Cold War and how it affected Western Bloc countries.

Once again, the only characters who are actually part of the Earth Kingdom and have some experience with Kuvira's occupation are the Beifongs. But they are dismissed as biased, irrational, agressive or pushed aside when our heroic USA inserts get the spotilight. The fandom despises Suyin, derides Zaofu for not being the perfect victims. A story we see more and more of nowadays.

Suyin is depicted as "white woman liberalism" depsite being a leader of a community based, anti monarchist city which seems to allow it's citizens to flourish as artists and scientists and also refusing to seize power over a vulnerable country to hand it over to a monarchy she didn't support and then wanting to kill a fascist? But "ooooh Zaofu is culty and Suyin is a bit of a hypocrite" so I guess she's worse then the fucking Hitler Stalin lovechild that threatened to lay seige to her peaceful city.

The Kuvira apologism in the fandom does sometimes give me similar vibes to Putin dickriding from Conservative americans tbh. At least that explains it.

The reason I'm so unsettled by so many people being blind to the ideologies and history Kuvira represents is because that ideology is not dead. It seems like a lot of westerners don't really seem to care about it anymore, but Russia is still commiting a genocide in Ukraine. Hell, it seems like people from countries that aren't close to the conflict kinda forgot that was still a thing. People are fucking dying, homes are being destroyed. And you think Russia will stop at decimating Ukraine? They're already hiring arsonists to cause chaos in Poland, they're not gonna stop.

These ideologies still cause pain and death today. They're not for cheap villains who can be watered down and excused by a sad backstory. And they're certainly not to he excused and supported by edgy fans who somehow didn't realise that the previous show was violently anti fascist.

Love Kuvira as a character, enjoy her, her storylines, her personality. But for the love of God, acknowledge what she represents, who she represents and that it's bad.

Whew that kinda... got a little heavy. I apologise for the rant, I'm just very frustrated. By how Kuvira is woobified and exhonorated hy both fanon and canon, and by current events in the Ukraine and Poland and the rest of the ex-second world countries and the seeming apathy of the rest of the wider world.

Quick note: The terminology in this post may not be fully up to date, since a lot of terms have went out of usage and lost their meaning.

[be-gay-find-cryptids]

(Part 1) Film & TV Recommendations for Halloween

1. Over the Garden Wall (Miniseries, 2014)

Over the Garden Wall features two half-brothers, Wirt and Gregory, who have become lost in a mysterious wood called The Unknown and attempt to find their way back home.

...

This beautifully crafted animated miniseries is the best thing to come out of Cartoon Network even after ten years. The unique atmosphere, which blends fairytale charm with Gothic eeriness, perfectly compliments the early 20th-century Americana-styled animation. At just ten episodes, Over the Garden Wall is a short but impactful experience that lingers with you long after it ends. I highly recommend this series.

2. Coraline (Film, 2009)

Wandering her rambling old house in her boring new town, an 11-year-old Coraline discovers a hidden door to a strangely idealized version of her life.

...

This stop-motion animated film is a deeply unsettling and visually stunning experience. Blending a dark fairytale narrative with otherworldly imagery, it presents itself as a psychological horror for young and older audiences alike. Coraline explores the complex ideas about family, identity, and the dangers of wish fulfillment with grace. I strongly recommend this film.

3. ParaNorman (Film, 2012)

Norman Babcock, a young boy who can communicate with ghosts, is given the task of ending a 300-year-old witch's curse on his Massachusetts town.

...

This heartfelt stop-motion animated film blends humor, horror, and themes of ostracization and acceptance. While blending classic horror movie tropes with a coming-of-age story, it manages to portray strong themes of prejudice by using zombies, witches, and ghoulish imagery. If you're looking for a unique spin on classic B-movie horror, I highly recommend this film.

4. Happy Death Day (Film, 2017)

A college student must relive the day of her murder over and over again in a loop that will end only when she discovers her killer's identity.

...

Happy Death Day is an entertaining mashup of slasher horror and Groundhog Day-style time loop storytelling. This film stands out from all the rest of the horror-comedy franchise due to its emotion, mystery, and character growth. While it doesn't push boundaries for horror, it makes up for its uniqueness that balances humor and suspense. If you're looking for a horror-comedy film, I strongly recommend this one.

5. Jennifer's Body (Film, 2009)

A newly-possessed high-school cheerleader turns into a succubus who kills her male classmates and devours their flesh in order to survive.

...

Though it was sorely misunderstood when it originally came out, it has recently garnered rightful attention for its subversive take on the horror-comedy genre. This film blends teen drama and supernatural horror and uses its genre to touch upon the objectification of women in horror and in reality. Its wit, self-awareness, and social commentary have made it a standout in the horror-comedy genre, and for that, I strongly recommend this film.

6. Sinister: Recut (Film, 2012)

Ellison Oswalt is a struggling true-crime writer whose discovery of snuff films depicting gruesome murders and strange supernatural elements in his new house puts his family in danger.

...

Said to be one of the scariest films ever from a research study, Sinister is a deeply unsettling horror movie that perfectly mixes supernatural elements with psychological tension. The haunting score combined with the grainy, nightmarish footage of the murders results in an unnerving experience that sits with you long after you turn the lights out. Instead of watching the original movie, I strongly recommend this fanedit version of the film. It elevates the movie by removing some of the cheesy jumpscares and awkward dialog. If you're looking for a genuinely haunting movie this Halloween, I recommend this one.

7. 1408 (Film, 2007)

Author Michael Enslin, who specializes in debunking paranormal occurrences, checks into the fabled room 1408 in the Dolphin Hotel in New York City.

...

This film excels in building suspense, using minimal special effects, and relying on our main characters' isolation and psychological unraveling to create fear. While this movie isn't as overtly terrifying as other horror films, 1408 offers an eerie, slow-burn experience, blending supernatural elements with personal trauma. The film has two different endings, the theatrical version and the director's cut. I'd suggest watching both to come to the conclusion of your favorite. It's a must-watch for fans of psychological horror, and I strongly recommend this film.

8. Midsommar (Film, 2019)

A couple travels to Northern Europe to visit a rural hometown's fabled Swedish mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult.

...

This is a visually stunning and disturbing horror film set against the backdrop of a bright, idyllic Swedish village. The movie stands out for its unique approach to horror, unfolding almost entirely in daylight, creating a sense of unease through its striking visuals, unnerving atmosphere, and slow-building dread. Midsommar is a polarizing piece of media, mixing folk horror with psychological drama, and is filled with symbolism and unsettling imagery. I highly recommend this film if you're looking to be disturbed this Halloween.

9. Skinamarink (Film, 2022)

A young brother and sister wake up during the night to discover that their father is missing and that the windows, doors, and other objects in their house have vanished.

...

Skinamarink is an experimental analog horror film that trades traditional narrative for a surreal, nightmarish atmosphere. Shot in grainy, low-light cinematography, the film immerses you in a disorienting and eerie world where fear of the unknown takes center stage. The film’s strength lies in its ability to evoke childhood fears, using abstract visuals and unsettling sound design to create a sense of dread. However, its unconventional approach may alienate some people who expect a clear plot or resolution. The minimal dialogue and deliberate pacing make Skinamarink more of a mood piece than a traditional horror film, relying on atmosphere over jump scares. For those willing to embrace its experimental nature, Skinamarink offers a haunting and disquieting experience that lingers long after it ends, tapping into primal fears of isolation and helplessness. For all these reasons, I highly recommend that you check out this film.

10. Heck (Short Film, 2020)

A child wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of his mom's television blaring.

...

Heck is a short film that shares a similar atmospheric approach to the creator's feature-length film Skinamarink. Like Skinamarink, it explores the feeling of being trapped in a surreal, dreamlike space. The film's minimalist aesthetic, with grainy visuals and a haunting soundscape, creates a disorienting atmosphere that leaves much to the imagination. It builds tension through its slow pacing, relying on the viewer's discomfort with the unknown rather than traditional horror tropes. For people who thought Skinamarink's runtime was excessive, Heck is a great substitute that captures the same atmosphere of the former. I highly recommend this film to people who have enjoyed Skinamarink's take on horror.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Hate to tell you this, but the HSBC update just got updated.

I get that they wanted to keep the Hell Arc confined to page 666, and it'll make the archival experience pretty cool, but hard refreshing the site didn't let me see the update to the page due to cache bullshit, I had to use a different browser. So let's liveblog now before it breaks again:

Looks like we're back to Tavros. I guess it makes sense that the first path to update would the one where they could reuse the talksprites.

So, as directly stated by Davepeta, Vriska is trapped in a time loop, where Tavros doesn't remember anything that happened the previous day, just like in the movie Groundhog Day. That Davepeta called out the movie explicitly in-universe as the reference makes me wonder if events will follow the rough plot of that movie. It's clearly what Davepeta wants to happen, but...Vriska....

Anyway, Vriska offers to let Tavros decide what to do today, for the first time. It took two whole years for her to try that, but she is the Thief of Light and not letting anyone else decide what to do is literally her cosmic role and stuff, so I guess that tracks. And what Tavros wants to do is....play a game.

Last update I said that Vriska saying she's done some things wrong while shrugging and laughing is the ultimate distillation of Vriska, but her having won everything and being miserable about it is also the ultimate distillation of Vriska. She's a woman of contrasts, that Vriskers.

The use of the phrase "session" here outs this line as having Deeper Meanings. Having SBURB sessions over and over so we can play forever is literally Dirk's plan, and most of the fandom is assuming a Candy session is coming.

So, even though they're talking about playing FLARP (the troll DnD game, which is apparently PvP), this is also an argument over whether or not Homestuck should continue. You can't really "win" if the game keeps going, but that doesn't mean you're stuck doing the same thing over and over.

I know Vriska is Problematique, but I'm still taken aback by her 2000s kid usage of "gay" as a general-purpose insult, and not just because trolls don't have a concept of "straight" or "gay". Apparently she doesn't even know what it means and learned the word from Da-

Oh, it was just to set up this line for people to screenshot. Alright. Fine.

brb, gotta go post this in the hard to use reaction images channel on the discord and have someone complain it's easy to use.

Tavros accuses Vriska of projecting her own fears onto him, and then gets into a tangent about being a "soft" female fairy and Vriska takes him up on playing this new "game for girls" and he panics and changes the subject. There's a...lot....going on there.

Vriska starts to have an actual breakthrough, when suddenly Aradiabot appears. Wait, is this where Aradia and Ult!Dave went?

We fade to black and I thought that was it, but apparently not. This being a visual novel makes it feel like a much bigger update than it is, and also kind of makes you read each line a bit more carefully. It's a good way of having multiple meaty (or, um, candy-y) updates in a short stretch of time, and that's kind of an important part of the "feel" of Homestuck that no one can really replicate.

Oh, I do not care for this talksprite.

The downside of this format is that it's harder to liveblog, I think, but basically Aradia is complaining about the Vriska Cycle of "Do bad thing, self-flagellate to be redeemed, repeat".

Vriska justifies it because she has to take action and set people straight and stuff, and if this conversation/game isn't leading to the return of "(Vriska)", the OG timeline Vriska who died and got a ton of character growth before post-retcon Vriska stole her girlfriend, then what is it building towards?

A lot of these lines make good single-panel memes. Yes, Vriska, you are the problem in nearly every situation, even (especially) when you're also the solution.

Aradia sa- oh for fuck's sake this is unreadable, guys. Anyway she says that getting into a routine leads to stagnation and slow death, which, mood, but also is about Homestuck itself as much as it is about Vriska.

Jesus Christ, how long is this update? This page is a full on Pesterquest game when the other five routes are finished.

Oh, okay. That's it. Vriska levels and we get a bunch of fire-themed pun ranks for her, of which Skinner's Bane is the best

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hello, sorry if this has been asked before and no worries if you don’t wanna answer, but do you think Alice had an actual relationship with anyone (excepting Jasper, Edmund, and Bella)? She doesn’t strike me as a social butterfly and she’s not even that close to the rest of the Cullens. I’m don’t know if you would agree but she seems kind of lonely to me?

No.

Alice's gift is such that the people around her, even those she loves, are dehumanized. They become a series of probability distributions that she should guide into picking the best course of action.

Edward is the one she feels a real sense of kinship with, as he shares those visions through his own gift and like her is an unwilling voyeur to those he loves most.

Bella she seems to like because she can tell her what to do and do what she wants with her. She can always have fun times with Bella, can always have Bella look fabulous, and can have all sorts of new experiences and parties because of Bella. They don't actually talk all that much or say anything particularly meaningful to one another.

Jasper's similar in that their relationship boils down to "Alice had a vision about him". In canon, we see them chafing against one another, and their relationship seems to work as it is because Jasper at the end of the day has Alice has his highest priority/will listen to her, not because they have any kind of meaningful relationship.

The thing is, though, that while this is a very small group of people Alice has any relationship it's also the only effort she puts into any relationship. Rosalie wishes she could be closer to Alice, but Alice doesn't seem to want to put up with her. We don't see Alice reaching out much to the other family members or resentful of having only close relationships with a few.

While Alice is lonely, yes, I think she's also content with the situation. She has a sibling/friend in Edward who truly understands her in a way no one else can, she has a lover in Jasper, and a sister and friend in Bella. She doesn't need the others and if she wanted to she could seek a course where they would be whatever she'd wanted them to be (that is, at the end of the day, what Alice's gift is best for).

Alice is living that montage in Groundhog's Day where Phil tries to seduce Rita and treats it as finding the right combination of words to get his desired end result, where Rita isn't so much a person as she is a mysterious black box who can predictably respond to known input.

Basically, Alice doesn't see people as people enough to consider herself lonely. If she did, she would rework her approach to those around her to put people into roles that make her feel less lonely.