#I have never felt like all of my inherent traits match either one. Whether it’s what I like doing or how I feel or what I look like
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I can’t believe it. Though doctors flip flop on it because it’s so common, it’s generally agreed by people that pcos fits the definition of intersex. Because it literally is increased testosterone in an afab body. All this time I have actually been physically intersex, but just left to wonder why I don’t feel like totally a girl or totally a boy because doctors are scared of the word intersex or smth. Oh well. It feels good to finally know.
#I am INTERSEX!!!#Maybe not outwardly. But hormonally.#I grow a mustache (it’s just skin colored hair). I grow belly hair and toe hair. Like my dad#But I have gigungus mamajamas like my mother before me and a period sent straight from hell. Also caused by the pcos#I have never felt like all of my inherent traits match either one. Whether it’s what I like doing or how I feel or what I look like#Hell even people in public get confused. Hello… siiiiiiir? Oh my god im so sorry-#So it just. Feels nice. To know all along my body literally IS in between#Just like I’ve always felt. Neither one all the time. Both sometimes. I’m me.#lion’s lair
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145. The Symmetry of Stars, by Alex Myers
Owned: No, library Page count: 273 My summary: Nature and Nurture. The dichotomy that rules the Earth; the two gods who vie for status in the heavens. Twin gods issue a challenge to each other, to see which will prevail, nature or nurture. Each chooses a pair of twins - Nature leaves them be, while Nurture incarnates herself in the world to guide her twins. But when the challenge comes, which pair will prevail? My rating: 3.5/5 My commentary:
I picked this one up because I thought the summary looked interesting. A metaphysical struggle between primordial beings, abstracted into two pairs of children and a very real challenge. What is actually the most important, the traits inherent to a person or the way you are taught and the things that you learn? The execution of the book, however, left something to be desired for me. I'm not sure the commentary it's making is as interesting as it thinks it is - and the overall analysis of its core conceit felt shallow at best.
The story is narrated by Nurture, who alternates between raising her own twins and spying on Nature's. Nurture's twins are born to a nobleman, a boy and a girl raised in the lap of luxury in their fantasy-European world. Nature's twins are born to a dying mother on an abandoned island somewhere in the fantasy-Middle East. It isn't quite real history, but it's not not real history either, which is sort of where the trouble begins. More on that in a bit. The two pairs of twins seem often unevenly matched because of that - Nurture's twins get more focus earlier on, whereas we never see Nature's response to his twins, just Nurture's view on them. And, indeed, it seems that the narrative isn't really that interested in one half of each set of twins. Specifically, the boys. A big deal is made of Nurture's girl, Bradamante, and her desire to be a knight; Ricardetto, the boy, gets far less focus. Same with Nature's girl, Marfisa, who takes the lion's share of the story, while the boy straight up disappears for a while.
And the reason for that is that gender plays a big part of this story. Both Bradamante and Marfisa want to be knights, want to be strong and fighters in the way of so many women in fantasy fiction. Bradamante, because she wants to prove herself; Marfisa out of trauma at being kidnapped and enslaved. Both have to deal with misogyny from their respective cultures. Maybe I'm jumping at shadows here, but it seems like the Middle Eastern-inspired culture Marfisa is born into is shown as being worse, harsher, more violent than Bradamante's European-inspired one. Which is unfortunate. What's also unfortunate is that this conflict in both storylines hardly goes further than the whole 'I wanna be strong like the boys!' and 'I'm gonna have to work twice as hard to get the same recognition a guy might get'. Not bad, per se, but it's very Baby's First Gender Imbalance. And we don't get much of the reverse with Ricardetto and the other boy - sure, Ricardetto likes to embroider and tell stories, but it's not given the same focus as Bradamante's story. The author here is transmasc, which goes a way to explaining exactly what's going on here - I get the impulse to identify with the masculine girl rather than the feminine boy. But it feels like a huge missed opportunity.
All that said, it's not like the book has nothing to give. My criticisms above aside, there was some subtlety in how the Nature versus Nurture debate played out. While we see Nurture constantly fretting about whether she's smothering her kids, and her scorn at Nature neglecting his, there's other aspects that aren't as obviously highlighted. That Nurture's twins are acting by their natures, and Nature's twins are nurtured by other humans, isn't quite highlighted in as many words, which I appreciated. Overall, it's a good story...I just didn't think it was as good as it could be.
Next, something completely different - it's Rick and Morty!
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☥ European Vampire Masterpost ☥
Origins...
While no one can know the origins of vampires for sure, it’s believed that the curse of vampirism started, originally, as a blessing from the Goddess of Night – enhanced strength, stamina, speed and an endless lifespan were given to her chosen but in return, they would have to forsake daylight. When this blessing became a curse, no one knows but eventually, it did and the Chosen of Night began to turn into monsters, dedicated more to themselves than to their human brethren...
☥ Basic European Vampire Information ☥
While the European Vampire is split into (at least) seven distinct “bloodlines” or “sub-types” certain traits are common among all variants these include:
Enhanced strength, speed and stamina – though certain bloodlines (Revenant, Lamia, Feral, Stryzga) possess far greater strength than others, it can be expected that every vampire will be a good deal stronger, faster and more resilient than they were as humans.
Increased Emotional Volatility – Thanks to the vampiric curse, the emotions of vampires are highly volatile. Everything a vampire feels will be magnified – but negative emotions will be felt especially strongly
An Addictive Personality – All vampires have a high likelihood of becoming addicted to something, whether that be gambling, drugs, dangerous behavior or simply blood (the most common of all) nearly all vampires will have something that they cannot say no to.
Highly Attuned Senses – All vampires have enhanced senses as compared to a human. In addition to this, they have excellent night vision thanks to a highly reflective layer at the back of their eyes (similar to a cat’s)
Sensitivity to Sunlight – While this will vary from bloodline to bloodline, there is no vampiric bloodline that is immune to the damaging effects of the sun’s rays.
Low Level Mental Manipulation – While some bloodlines take this innate, instinctual ability to new and terrifying heights (Nightingales, Stryzga) all vampires are able to influence the mental and emotional states of those around them.
Low Level Telepathy – like the mental manipulation, all bloodlines are able to pick up on the general emotional/mental state of those around them and can often pick up on things such as fear, dishonesty or lust before the mortal feeling them is even aware.
Highly Addictive Blood – Vampire Blood has a number of properties, ranging from inducing a euphoric state to promoting healing to making a mortal more susceptible to a vampire’s mental/emotional powers and manipulations to causing a mortal to feel an emotional bond/connection to the vampire in question when no such emotional bond existed before.
A NOTE ON “THE VEIL”
“The Veil” is not unique to vampires but rather, something which effects the entirety of the Supernatural. As human belief in their existence waned, the Supernatural began to fade from the sight of Mundane humans, not because it ceased to exist but because humans simply stopped being able to see if for what it was.
A vampire, to the average mortal, will show a few signs of what they are (such as an incredibly languid pulse, lack of respiration, unnaturally cool skin, a sickly/pale complexion) but most signs of their true nature will be invisible to the human until they’ve “Crossed Over” (i.e., been inducted into the supernatural world, thus opening their eyes to its existence).
Most children are naturally able to see through The Veil (due to the imaginative nature of children) but often lose this ability by the time they reach puberty. Some humans maintain this ability (called The Sight) into adulthood and some will only develop this ability at puberty.
The Bloodlines: -The Nightingale -The Revenant -The Siren -The Stryzga -The First -The Lamia -The Feral Other Information: -The Curse -Sire/Fledgeling Relationships -The Change
A Quick And Dirty Vampire F.A.Q.
Can they consume non-blood food/drink: Some of them can and some of them can't -- whether or not a vampire can eat solid food is determined by two factors: whether or not they're willing to put in the effort to learn how to force it down and how connected they are to their humanity. The more a vampire hangs onto their humanity, the easier it is for them to consume human food. However, it doesn't provide any nourishment. Being a hedonistic species, some vampires absolutely eat human food just because they enjoy the taste. All vampires are capable of drinking non-blood liquids but it provides no nourishment (see below) The Monkey D. Luffy Conundrum (aka, do they poop/pee?): No. Vampires can’t process solid food. When eating solids it will, eventually, need to come back up the way it went in. The same goes for non-blood liquids. Do Vampires Fuck: abso-goddamn-lutely. Since vampires are inherently hedonistic, they actually tend to rather enjoy fucking, even if *mostly* as a prelude to feeding/part of feeding. (This ofc varies as ace vamps exist) Do Vampires Cry Blood?: yep. All bodily fluids in a vampire are converted to blood. Including those ones. Do Vampires have Heartbeats? yes, they’re just incredibly slow (35bpm or so). During stress or strenuous activity the heartrate increases to a more human bpm (60-80bpm). Their respiration usually matches this rate. The older a vampire gets/the more they distance themselves from their humanity, the slower their heartbeat becomes and vampires who are detached enough have no heartbeat at all (they're also colder to the touch) Do vampires have problems with silver: some of them. Its sort of a random genetic lottery. Can Vampires Have Kids?: Nope. That equipment doesn’t work that way anymore. They might be able to with some serious magical alteration but in general they can’t reproduce outside of the Ritual of Transformation. Are Vampires effected by holy objects: Yes – though the efficacy of it varies greatly depending both on the faith of the vampire and the faith of the person with the holy object. As long as the wielder has sufficient faith (both in the symbol AND that it will harm the vampire), the vampire will be harmed by the holy object… However, someone who doesn’t believe at all may still harm a vampire with a holy object if the vampire believed/believes strongly in that faith and believes it will harm them. Will Cutting the Head off Kill the Vampire?: There are a lot of creatures that can survive having their head cut off – chickens are one of them, vampires are not. What about piercing the heart? Since the heart is the core of a vampire’s being, the place where the blood is processed and the place where the magic is centered, piercing the heart can do massive damage to a vampire and if the heart is destroyed, they cannot recover from this. Fire? Fire bad. Vampires don’t fucking like fire because they go up like kindling when exposed to it. While it takes damn near 2800 degrees to burn a normal human corpse to ashes (and even then, the bones have to be pulverized) a large enough bonfire will easily do the trick for a vampire. Can Vampirism be reversed? It takes some pretty serious magical ability to do this sort of thing, but it can be done – provided at least one of two conditions are met: 1) The vampire has never taken the life of a human by draining their blood 2) The vampire has never created another of their kind and spread The Curse. Are half-vampires (dhampir) a thing? Yes. I’m not entirely 100% on how they happen within my lore, but they’re 100% a thing that can happen because a) they occur pretty frequently in folklore and b) I think they’re cool. Can vampires turn into bats/wolves/etc.,?Yes -- though it's usually very old and powerful vampires. Younger vampires within the Stryzga line are capable of turning into various kinds of animals but it still takes at least a century to learn this. Noctem Felidae (an extinct vampire bloodline) were capable of turning into cats and the Lamia bloodline was once capable of changing into
snakes/naga-esque creatures but since the waning of magic after the late Middle Ages, they've lost their ability to do so. Do vampirekin/ “human” vampires exist? Yes! The phenomenon of human psychic vampires/vampirekin/human sanguinarian vampires occurs in my universe – usually, this is because the human in question is a vampire who, at some point, was killed and their soul was able to re-enter the cycle of life/death/rebirth… However, because The Curse has an immense effect on the soul, it carries some of the effects with it into the next life and all lives thereafter.
(note: most vampiric souls, being lost to the natural order, do not reincarnate ever again… However, if they vampire manages to avoid either killing a human via draining or making another vampire, their soul is still somewhat tethered and can re-enter the life/death/rebirth cycle, like it’s supposed to! this is where we get “human” vampires. As for what happens to vampires who have done both of those things… No one is sure what happens to the energy that made up their soul. There’s some talk of it becoming part of the entity responsible for the curse)
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Trans(masculine) former Potterhead here! I still own the books, were a gift, a hardcover set from my mom from years ago. I even made a parody of Im a Lumberjack and I'm OK from Monty Python as I'm a Hufflepuff and I'm OK and helped found a Dumbledore's Army club at my High School I loved HP so much, I was obsessed, but now I have so many mixed emotions about the franchise I don't really know what to do.
I cannot speak for trans women, but as a queer trans person, if I see someone reading the books or watching the movies or wearing merch its like. Ok. I know I might get along with this person, they like the same stuff I (used to) like....BUT do they know how the werewolf thing is about AIDS, implying gay people are out of control monsters, and how the only villain with werewolfism specifically targets minors, implying pedophilia is a trait inherent in gay people? Do they know that when a trans woman reads the books they worry they wont be "woman enough" to keep the stairs in the girls dorm from turning into a slide, because they know that the author specifically thinks they don't deserve to sleep in the girl's dorm because of their gentials? Do they understand that JK Rowling's opinions are there, insidiously rooting into young minds? Are they reading this critically? Or do they support what JK is saying? Do they know all of these things and not care about it, dismiss it out of hand?
Does this person want me dead?
It boils down to a Feeling of Unease. Is this person safe for me to be around? There is a Very Real Danger that the person in the Ravenclaw Shirt and Golden Snitch Earrings is going to call the police on a trans woman going to the bathroom, or beat her, or even kill her, because the author of their favorite series has convinced them trans women are men in dresses and that men in women's bathrooms are dangerous. That person could also be a nice genuine nerd, queer themselves, even potentially a friend, but now I am Suspicious of that person. I am suspicious of anyone who openly enjoys it (unless they are children, kids don't know better, or if they have a tattoo, idk how old that tat is). They want to read it at home and want a discussion on new themes and how to make it better/less gross? Fine by me.
But if someone is publicaly supportting her, staying extremely active in the fandom defending the books or movies or JK herself, having and wearing merch which could direct new people (probably kids! Who will get Obsessed! And don't know better!) into buying things from her and giving her money? After all that she's done? After she literally helped create legislation against being trans?? Not cool.
The series is just simply tainted for a lot of trans folk like me. I still hold it dear foe what it did for me as a child, and I know if I read the series again I would still love it, but I would also HATE myself for enjoying it, knowing that the person who wrote this, the bit of her soul which she has given me, wants me dead. Wants my friends dead.
So I'm not really saying if you support HP publicaly people will see you as a TERF but I am also absolutely saying that people will see you as a TERF if you publicaly support the HP franchise. Death of the author is well and good when the author is dead and/or their estate doesn't get any money for new books or merch purchased, but she is alive and actively trying to kill trans folks, so literally anything that could be seen as support of her, or get others to support her even accidentally, can make trans folk uncomfortable and feel unsafe.
Hope this helped? I know I'm not the original asker, this is just my two cents.
Hi there! Thank you for posting this lengthy and very thoughtful response (and I hope you don’t mind my answering publicly -- if so, let me know and I’ll delete). There is one (admittedly very long) thing I’d like to say in response, but if you’re not looking for that, just know that I really value hearing your perspective and you can feel free to skip all of this and carry on your way.
---
You say that you would probably enjoy the books if you reread them, but would hate yourself for doing so -- and I just want to say that what you like does not make you a bad person or act as any valid basis for deserving hate, from yourself or anyone else.
Like, for instance, I’m a person who cannot stand horror movies and I am genuinely confused that anyone would enjoy watching terrible things happen to people for 90+ minutes. But I would never say that people who like horror movies are bad people just because they do enjoy that. The same goes for violent video games -- I don’t like them, but I don’t think the people who do are bad.
Because what media you personally enjoy has really no bearing on whether you are a good person. Being a good person is about how you treat others, whether you are kind, whether you are patient, whether you are understanding, whether you help people when you can and show up for the people in your life when they need you. It has nothing to do with whether you like a particular book or movie or videogame.
So if you do want to reread those books because you think they would bring you joy, I hope that you do.
Long before she became a TERF -- (and for the record, I don’t think that she was actively and consciously transphobic at the time when she was writing the books, for the simple reason that most of the people who are TERFs today weren’t at that point) -- I had already gotten used to tuning out Rowling and her fondness for Word of God pronouncements.
Like, Dumbledore being gay actually fit into the canon very well, but others? They just felt tired and not thought-out and her whole short history of American magic was incredibly lazy. The werewolfism=AIDS thing was offensive in very real ways--and also it should be noted just does not make sense as a metaphor. Not just because AIDS will kill you and being a werewolf will not and there’s no way to bridge that fundamental disconnect -- but also because the way people talk about being a werewolf in the damn books doesn’t resemble at all the way people talk about AIDS patients in real life. Which makes me think she didn’t actually mean for it to be a metaphor when she wrote it and then years later threw it out there because it sounded good to her in the moment because she hadn’t thought it through.
By the time we got to wizards shitting on the floor because she very clearly forgot that she had already had chamber pots referenced in the text, I was long-since tapped out.
Which is all just to say that it is beyond fair for you to use being a fan of Harry Potter as a data point in gauging your safety as a trans person -- but if we’re talking just about you enjoying the books?
Well, in that case, fuck Rowling and her weird post-canon comments that half the time don’t even make sense. If she wanted trans girls to not be allowed up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory, she should have put it in the damn text. As far as I’m concerned, trans girls and trans boys are allowed up whichever staircase matches their sense of themselves (and, I like to think, nonbinary kids get the run of the whole tower).
In fact, as far as I’m concerned, she lost the right to have me care what she says about the Harry Potter universe when all of her comments started being unbearably lazy, asinine, and/or nonsensical. If she’d been half this uninspired and careless when writing the actual books, I would have stopped reading them.
This has been a very long reply on that single point, but I want to end by saying that the point is, even if I accepted the premise that liking the Harry Potter books is in and of itself wrong -- and I hope I’ve made something of a case that it’s not -- it still shouldn’t be something you hate yourself over. Short of actually murdering people, I’m not sure there’s anything that’s grounds to outright hate yourself, honestly, but liking a book is definitely not on the list.
Either way, you seem like a lovely person, one who is very thoughtful and has been very patient and generous with your time in writing all of that out. I hope that you find ways to also be a little more patient and generous with yourself -- about Harry Potter or any other topic -- because you deserve that and you do not deserve to be hated by anyone, least of all yourself. And I also hope you have a good rest of your night.
#method speaks#jk rowling discourse#but this my friends#i think#is the end of it for me for a while#she sucks#on multiple levels#the transphobia being the worst#and then just going right on down the list#it confuses me#that the woman who wrote Prisoner of Azkaban#became this#but life is strange#and here we are#theflowerpunknerd
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Dany asserting her identity, titles and achievements (to others or herself) and/or moments of pride in general
As I was rereading ASOIAF, I made it my goal to compile all* the book passages demonstrating either certain key attributes of Daenerys Targaryen (e.g. that she's compassionate and smart) or aspects of hers that are usually overstated (e.g. that she's ambitious and prophecy-driven). Doing such a task may seem exaggerated, but I'd argue it's not, for many, many misconceptions about Dany have become widespread in light of the show's final season's events (and even before).
It must be acknowledged that it can be tricky to reference, say, ADWD passages to counter-argument how she was depicted in season eight (which allegedly follows ADOS events). Dany will have had plenty of character development in the span of two books. However, whatever happens to Dany in the next two books, I would argue that there is more than enough material to conclude that her show counterpart was made to fall for flaws that she (for the most part) never had and actions that she (for the most part) would never take. (and that's not even considering the double standards and the contradictions with what had been shown from show!Dany up until then, but that's obviously out of the scope of these lists)
Another objection to the purpose of these lists is that Game of Thrones is different from A Song of Ice and Fire and should be analyzed on its own, which is a fair point. However, the show is also an adaptation of these books, which begs the questions: why did they change Dany's character? Why did they overfocus on negative traits of hers or depicted them as negative when they weren't supposed to be or gave her negative traits that were never hers to begin with? Another fact that undermines the show=/=books argument is that most people think that the show's ending will be the books', albeit only in broad strokes and in different circumstances. As a result, people's perception of Dany is inevitably influenced by the show, which is a shame.
I hope these lists can be useful for whoever wants to find book passages to defend (or even simply explore different facets of) Dany's character in metas or conversations.
*Well, at least all the passages that I could find in her chapters, which is no guarantee that the effort was perfectly executed, but I did my best.
Also, people could interpret certain passages differently and then come up with a different collection of passages if they ever attempted to make one, so I'm not saying that this list is completely objective (nor that there could ever be one).
Also, some passages have been cut short according to whether they were, IMO, relevant to the specific topic of the list they're in, so the context surrounding them may not always be clear (always read the books and use asearchoficeandfire). Many of them appear in different lists, sometimes fully referenced, sometimes not.
I listed the passages back to front because I felt doing so highlighted Dany's evolution better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To justify the existence of this list, let's see examples of widespread opinions that I feel misrepresent Daenerys Targaryen:
Demanding respect simply because she is the “rightful heir” to the Iron Throne is in her Signature Moves list right up there with Yelling and Burning. As Machiavelli might say: “she trippin". A ruler only gets real power through taking and earning and keeping it, not through inheritance. (Wisecrack)
~
But even Daenerys’ sense of altruism has diminished considerably of late, and she’s been relying on her reputation rather than a desire to inspire love and loyalty. Tywin once told Joffrey that any man who must say “I am the king” is no true king. Meanwhile, Daenerys’ first course of action is always to intimidate with her endless list of titles, even when they can’t possibly help her, as when she’s brought before Khal Moro in “The Red Woman.” (x)
~
Her arc is honest and real and logical. It is a coherent response to her given circumstances and follows her narrative thread coupled with her inherent lust for her own destiny. It both pushes against her gender and is inherently shaped by how others have treated her due to her gender. It is both a result of her victimization and in spite of her trials. She is self-absorbed and self-servicing, and the human tension between ego and selflessness is a huge fulcrum for the story thematically across the board. (x)
~
But the character has been obsessed with the Iron Throne, right from her youth. While, time and again, she has admitted that her father was a homicidal maniac, but that has never discouraged her from leaving her claim to the throne. (x)
~
We are supposed to forget that she is fighting for nothing more than her own sense of entitlement to the throne, like some upper-class brat who loses her family’s fortune and eventually manages to become CEO of her own corporation. (x)
I would argue that her assertion of her titles does not stem from "sense of entitlement to the throne" or from being "self-absorbed" and "self-servicing" or simply for the sake of "intimidating".
She asserts them when she needs to show other people why she deserves respect (which is, of course, all the more necessary for the sake of her gender) like in ASOS Dany IV;
She asserts them when she needs to control her fear or emotional pain (AGOT Dany II, ASOS Dany III, ADWD Dany I);
She asserts them to motivate herself (ADWD Dany X);
She asserts them to take responsibility for carrying them in the first place (ADWD Dany V, ADWD Dany VI, ADWD Dany VIII);
She even acknowledges their potential negative side (ADWD Dany II, ADWD Dany VIII).
And let's not forget that, in ADWD Dany IV, when the Green Grace argues for a Dany-Hizdahr marriage by mentioning some of their ancestors, Dany replies that "His forebears are as dead as mine. Will Hizdahr raise their shades to defend Meereen against its enemies? I need a man with ships and swords. You offer me ancestors."
And these are only examples off the top of my head. My point is that her relationship with power is complex.
IMO, claims like the ones I've linked to certainly cannot be made after reading the books (some can't even after watching the show's first 71 episodes, but the show can be all over the place and ... I digress), so take a look at these passages.
A Dance with Dragons
ADWD Daenerys X
The sun grew hotter as it rose, and before long her head was pounding. Dany’s hair was growing out again, but slowly. “I need a hat,” she said aloud. Up on Dragonstone she had tried to make one for herself, weaving stalks of grass together as she had seen Dothraki women do during her time with Drogo, but either she was using the wrong sort of grass or she simply lacked the necessary skill. Her hats all fell to pieces in her hands. Try again, she told herself. You will do better the next time. You are the blood of the dragon, you can make a hat. She tried and tried, but her last attempt had been no more successful than her first.
~
No, Dany told herself. If I look back I am lost. She might live for years amongst the sunbaked rocks of Dragonstone, riding Drogon by day and gnawing at his leavings every evenfall as the great grass sea turned from gold to orange, but that was not the life she had been born to.
~
Am I dying? Then she saw the pale crescent moon, floating high above the grass, and it came to her that this was no more than her moon blood.
If she had not been so sick and scared, that might have come as a relief. Instead she began to shiver violently. She rubbed her fingers through the dirt, and grabbed a handful of grass to wipe between her legs. The dragon does not weep. She was bleeding, but it was only woman’s blood. The moon is still a crescent, though. How can that be? She tried to remember the last time she had bled. The last full moon? The one before? The one before that? No, it cannot have been so long as that. “I am the blood of the dragon,” she told the grass, aloud.
~
“...I am only a young girl.”
No. You are the blood of the dragon. The whispering was growing fainter, as if Ser Jorah were falling farther behind. Dragons plant no trees. Remember that. Remember who you are, what you were made to be. Remember your words.
“Fire and Blood,” Daenerys told the swaying grass.
ADWD Daenerys IX
When his mouth opened, she could see bits of broken bone and charred flesh between his black teeth. His eyes were molten. I am looking into hell, but I dare not look away. She had never been so certain of anything. If I run from him, he will burn me and devour me.
[...] He is fire made flesh, she thought, and so am I.
ADWD Daenerys VIII
No queen has clean hands, Dany told herself. She thought of Doreah, of Quaro, of Eroeh … of a little girl she had never met, whose name had been Hazzea. Better a few should die in the pit than thousands at the gates. This is the price of peace, I pay it willingly. If I look back, I am lost.
~
You saw me as defeated, Dany thought, and who am I to say that you were wrong?
“...Never trust a sellsword.”
Or a queen, thought Dany.
~
“The dragon has three heads,” Dany said when they were on the final flight. “My marriage need not be the end of all your hopes. I know why you are here.”
“For you,” said Quentyn, all awkward gallantry.
“No,” said Dany. “For fire and blood.”
~
“They are … they are fearsome creatures.”
“They are dragons, Quentyn.” Dany stood on her toes and kissed him lightly, once on each cheek. “And so am I.”
ADWD Daenerys VII
It was close to sunset before Daario Naharis appeared with his new Stormcrows, the Westerosi who had come over to him from the Windblown. Dany found herself glancing at them as yet another petitioner droned on and on. These are my people. I am their rightful queen.
~
“Come back to bed and kiss me.” No one had ever kissed her like Daario Naharis. “I am your queen, and I command you to fuck me.”
She had meant it playfully[.]
~
“...This match will save our city, you will see.”
“So we pray. I want to plant my olive trees and see them fruit.” Does it matter that Hizdahr’s kisses do not please me? Peace will please me. Am I a queen or just a woman?
ADWD Daenerys VI
“Your Grace should not be here, breathing these black humors.”
“I am the blood of the dragon,” Dany reminded him. “Have you ever seen a dragon with the flux?” Viserys had oft claimed that Targaryens were untroubled by the pestilences that afflicted common men, and so far as she could tell, it was true. She could remember being cold and hungry and afraid, but never sick.
ADWD Daenerys V
“Your Grace could not have known—”
“I am the queen. It was my place to know.”
~
“I may be a young girl innocent of war, but I am not a lamb to walk bleating into the harpy’s den. I still have my Unsullied. I have the Stormcrows and the Second Sons. I have three companies of freedmen.”
~
“What of these Astapori?”
My children. “They are coming here for help. For succor and protection. We cannot turn our backs on them.”
Ser Barristan frowned. “Your Grace, I have known the bloody flux to destroy whole armies when left to spread unchecked. The seneschal is right. We cannot have the Astapori in Meereen.”
Dany looked at him helplessly. It was good that dragons did not cry.
ADWD Daenerys IV
"Most queens have no purpose but to warm some king's bed and pop out sons for him. If that's the sort of queen you mean to be, best marry Hizdahr."
Her anger flashed. "Have you forgotten who I am?"
"No. Have you?"
Viserys would have his head off for that insolence. “I am the blood of the dragon. Do not presume to teach me lessons.” When Dany stood, the lion pelt slipped from her shoulders and tumbled to the ground. “Leave me.”
ADWD Daenerys III
“...A child departed Qarth, as lost as she was lovely. I feared she was sailing to her doom, yet now I find her here enthroned, mistress of an ancient city, surrounded by a mighty host that she raised up out of dreams.”
No, she thought, out of blood and fire.
~
“You have grown suspicious, Daenerys.”
Always. “I have grown wise, Xaro.”
~
“Is that meant to frighten me? I lived in fear for fourteen years, my lord. I woke afraid each morning and went to sleep afraid each night … but my fears were burned away the day I came forth from the fire. Only one thing frightens me now.”
“And what is it that you fear, sweet queen?”
“I am only a foolish young girl.” Dany rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. “But not so foolish as to tell you that.
~
If I were a dragon, I could fly to Westeros, she thought when he was gone. I would have no need of Xaro or his ships.
ADWD Daenerys II
Safe. The word made Dany’s eyes fill up with tears. “I want to keep you safe.” Missandei was only a child. With her, she felt as if she could be a child too. “No one ever kept me safe when I was little. Well, Ser Willem did, but then he died, and Viserys … I want to protect you but … it is so hard. To be strong. I don’t always know what I should do. I must know, though. I am all they have. I am the queen … the … the …”
“… mother,” whispered Missandei.
“Mother to dragons.” Dany shivered.
~
She squeezed the water from her silvery hair. “I am half-sick of riddling. In Qarth I was a beggar, but here I am a queen. I command you—”
~
A shadow. A memory. No one. She was the blood of the dragon, but Ser Barristan had warned her that in that blood there was a taint. Could I be going mad? They had called her father mad, once. “I was praying,” she told the Naathi girl. “It will be light soon. I had best eat something, before court.”
~
“I would give Hazzea back to you if I could,” she told the father, “but some things are beyond the power of even a queen. Her bones shall be laid to rest in the Temple of the Graces, and a hundred candles shall burn day and night in her memory. Come back to me each year upon her nameday, and your other children shall not want … but this tale must never pass your lips again.”
~
Mother of dragons, Daenerys thought. Mother of monsters. What have I unleashed upon the world? A queen I am, but my throne is made of burned bones, and it rests on quicksand. Without dragons, how could she hope to hold Meereen, much less win back Westeros? I am the blood of the dragon, she thought. If they are monsters, so am I.
ADWD Daenerys I
“This one has been told that your servant Stalwart Shield sometimes gave coin to the women of the brothels to lie with him and hold him.”
The blood of the dragon does not weep.
~
Daenerys pushed her hair back. “Find these cowards for me. Find them, so that I might teach the Harpy’s Sons what it means to wake the dragon.”
A Storm of Swords
ASOS Daenerys VI
No one was calling her Daenerys the Conqueror yet, but perhaps they would. Aegon the Conqueror had won Westeros with three dragons, but she had taken Meereen with sewer rats and a wooden cock, in less than a day.
~
Yet the thought of seeing Jorah Mormont again made her feel as if she’d swallowed a spoonful of flies; angry, agitated, sick. She could almost feel them buzzing round her belly. I am the blood of the dragon. I must be strong. I must have fire in my eyes when I face them, not tears.
~
She was Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, khaleesi and queen, Mother of Dragons, slayer of warlocks, breaker of chains, and there was no one in the world that she could trust.
ASOS Daenerys V
Worst of all, they had nailed a slave child up on every milepost along the coast road from Yunkai, nailed them up still living with their entrails hanging out and one arm always outstretched to point the way to Meereen. Leading her van, Daario had given orders for the children to be taken down before Dany had to see them, but she had countermanded him as soon as she was told. “I will see them,” she said. “I will see every one, and count them, and look upon their faces. And I will remember.”
By the time they came to Meereen sitting on the salt coast beside her river, the count stood at one hundred and sixty-three. I will have this city, Dany pledged to herself once more.
~
They watched Oznak zo Pahl dismount his white charger, undo his robes, pull out his manhood, and direct a stream of urine in the general direction of the olive grove where Dany’s gold pavilion stood among the burnt trees. He was still pissing when Daario Naharis rode up, arakh in hand. “Shall I cut that off for you and stuff it down his mouth, Your Grace?” His tooth shone gold amidst the blue of his forked beard.
“It’s his city I want, not his meager manhood.” She was growing angry, however. If I ignore this any longer, my own people will think me weak. [...]
High on the walls of Meereen, the jeers had grown louder, and now hundreds of the defenders were taking their lead from the hero and pissing down through the ramparts to show their contempt for the besiegers. They are pissing on slaves, to show how little they fear us, she thought. They would never dare such a thing if it were a Dothraki khalasar outside their gates.
~
Could I love Daario? What would it mean, if I took him into my bed? Would that make him one of the heads of the dragon? Ser Jorah would be angry, she knew, but he was the one who’d said she had to take two husbands. Perhaps I should marry them both and be done with it.
But these were foolish thoughts. She had a city to take, and dreaming of kisses and some sellsword’s bright blue eyes would not help her breach the walls of Meereen. I am the blood of the dragon, Dany reminded herself. Her thoughts were spinning in circles, like a rat chasing its tail.
~
When the horses had been saddled, Dany and her companions set out along the shoreline, away from the city. Even so, she could feel Meereen at her back, mocking her. When she looked over one shoulder, there it stood, the afternoon sun blazing off the bronze harpy atop the Great Pyramid. Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore.
ASOS Daenerys IV
“Woman, you bray like an ass, and make no more sense.”
“Woman?” She chuckled. “Is that meant to insult me? I would return the slap, if I took you for a man.” Dany met his stare. “I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, khaleesi to Drogo’s riders, and queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.”
~
The man on the white camel named himself Grazdan mo Eraz. Lean and hard, he had a white smile such as Kraznys had worn until Drogon burned off his face.
~
When he was gone, Dany threw herself down on her pillows beside her dragons. She had not meant to be so sharp with Ser Jorah, but his endless suspicion had finally woken her dragon.
He will forgive me, she told herself. I am his liege. Dany found herself wondering whether he was right about Daario. She felt very lonely all of a sudden. Mirri Maz Duur had promised that she would never bear a living child. House Targaryen will end with me. That made her sad. “You must be my children,” she told the dragons, “my three fierce children. Arstan says dragons live longer than men, so you will go on after I am dead.”
ASOS Daenerys III
“I am not a child,” she told him. “I am a queen.”
“Yet even queens can err. The Astapori have cheated you, Your Grace. A dragon is worth more than any army. Aegon proved that three hundred years ago, upon the Field of Fire.”
“I know what Aegon proved. I mean to prove a few things of my own.”
~
She stood in her stirrups and raised the harpy’s fingers above her head for all the Unsullied to see. “IT IS DONE!” she cried at the top of her lungs. “YOU ARE MINE!” She gave the mare her heels and galloped along the first rank, holding the fingers high. “YOU ARE THE DRAGON’S NOW! YOU’RE BOUGHT AND PAID FOR! IT IS DONE! IT IS DONE!”
ASOS Daenerys II
Kraznys had commanded them to lay down their spears and shields, and doff their swordbelts and quilted tunics, so the Queen of Westeros might better inspect the lean hardness of their bodies.
~
“Remind your Good Master of who I am. Remind him that I am Daenerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons, the Unburnt, trueborn queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. My blood is the blood of Aegon the Conqueror, and of old Valyria before him.”
~
“When Aegon the Dragon stepped ashore in Westeros, the kings of Vale and Rock and Reach did not rush to hand him their crowns. If you mean to sit his Iron Throne, you must win it as he did, with steel and dragonfire. And that will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.”
Blood and fire, thought Dany. The words of House Targaryen. She had known them all her life.
ASOS Daenerys I
No squall could frighten Dany, though. Daenerys Stormborn, she was called, for she had come howling into the world on distant Dragonstone as the greatest storm in the memory of Westeros howled outside, a storm so fierce that it ripped gargoyles from the castle walls and smashed her father’s fleet to kindling.
~
“I ... that was not fitting. I am your queen.”
“My queen,” he said, “and the bravest, sweetest, and most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Daenerys—”
“Your Grace!”
A Clash of Kings
ACOK Daenerys V
She was breaking her fast on a bowl of cold shrimp-and-persimmon soup when Irri brought her a Qartheen gown, an airy confection of ivory samite patterned with seed pearls. “Take it away,” Dany said. “The docks are no place for lady’s finery.”
If the Milk Men thought her such a savage, she would dress the part for them. When she went to the stables, she wore faded sandsilk pants and woven grass sandals. Her small breasts moved freely beneath a painted Dothraki vest, and a curved dagger hung from her medallion belt. Jhiqui had braided her hair Dothraki-fashion, and fastened a silver bell to the end of the braid.
~
When she told a Lyseni on the Trumpeteer that she was Daenerys Stormborn, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, he gave her a deadface look and said, “Aye, and I’m Lord Tywin Lannister and shit gold every night.”
~
She turned back as he reached for his coins, intending to put an end to this mummer’s farce. The blood of the dragon would not be herded through the bazaar by an old man and a fat eunuch.
~
“The great cog Saduleon is berthed at the end of the quay, and the galleys Summer Sun and Joso’s Prank are anchored beyond the breakwater.”
Three heads has the dragon, Dany thought, wondering. “I shall tell my people to make ready to depart at once. But the ships that bring me home must bear different names.”
“As you wish,” said Arstan. “What names would you prefer?”
“Vhagar,” Daenerys told him. “Meraxes. And Balerion. Paint the names on their hulls in golden letters three feet high, Arstan. I want every man who sees them to know the dragons are returned.”
ACOK Daenerys IV
Ser Jorah Mormont gave the merchant prince a sour look. “Your Grace, remember Mirri Maz Duur.”
“I do,” Dany said, suddenly decided. “I remember that she had knowledge. And she was only a maegi.”
Pyat Pree smiled thinly. “The child speaks as sagely as a crone. Take my arm, and let me lead you.”
“I am no child.” Dany took his arm nonetheless.
~
The blood of the dragon must not be afraid. Dany said a quick prayer, begging the Warrior for courage and the Dothraki horse god for strength. She made herself walk forward.
ACOK Daenerys III
“Did you weep?”
“The blood of the dragon does not weep,” she said testily.
Xaro sighed. “You ought to have wept.” The Qartheen wept often and easily; it was considered a mark of the civilized man.
~
Part of her would have liked nothing more than to lead her people back to Vaes Tolorro, and make the dead city bloom. No, that is defeat. I have something Viserys never had. I have the dragons. The dragons are all the difference.
~
Even so, it would be years before they were large enough to take to war. And they must be trained as well, or they will lay my kingdom waste. For all her Targaryen blood, Dany had not the least idea of how to train a dragon.
~
“If you go west, you risk your life.”
“House Targaryen has friends in the Free Cities,” she reminded him. “Truer friends than Xaro or the Pureborn.”
~
“Illyrio believes in no cause but Illyrio. Gluttons are greedy men as a rule, and magisters are devious. Illyrio Mopatis is both. What do you truly know of him?”
“I know that he gave me my dragon eggs.”
He snorted. “If he’d known they were like to hatch, he would have sat on them himself.”
That made her smile despite herself. “Oh, I have no doubt of that, ser. I know Illyrio better than you think. I was a child when I left his manse in Pentos to wed my sun-and-stars, but I was neither deaf nor blind. And I am no child now.”
~
“Sellswords have their uses,” Ser Jorah admitted, “but you will not win your father’s throne with sweepings from the Free Cities. Nothing knits a broken realm together so quick as an invading army on its soil.”
“I am their rightful queen,” Dany protested.
“You are a stranger who means to land on their shores with an army of outlanders who cannot even speak the Common Tongue. The lords of Westeros do not know you, and have every reason to fear and mistrust you. You must win them over before you sail. A few at least.”
~
I am afraid, she realized, but I must be brave.
ACOK Daenerys II
“The only palace I desire is the red castle at King’s Landing, my lord Pyat.” Dany was wary of the warlock; the maegi Mirri Maz Duur had soured her on those who played at sorcery. “And if the great of Qarth would give me gifts, Xaro, let them give me ships and swords to win back what is rightfully mine.”
~
“I am not the frightened girl you met in Pentos. I have counted only fifteen name days, true ... but I am as old as the crones in the dosh khaleen and as young as my dragons, Jorah. I have borne a child, burned a khal, and crossed the red waste and the Dothraki sea. Mine is the blood of the dragon.”
“As was your brother’s,” he said stubbornly.
“I am not Viserys.”
“No,” he admitted. “There is more of Rhaegar in you, I think, but even Rhaegar could be slain. Robert proved that on the Trident, with no more than a warhammer. Even dragons can die.”
“Dragons die.” She stood on her toes to kiss him lightly on an unshaven cheek. “But so do dragonslayers.”
ACOK Daenerys I
A living dragon is beyond price. In all the world, there are only three. Every man who sees them will want them, my queen.”
“They are mine,” she said fiercely. They had been born from her faith and her need, given life by the deaths of her husband and unborn son and the maegi Mirri Maz Duur. Dany had walked into the flames as they came forth, and they had drunk milk from her swollen breasts. “No man will take them from me while I live.”
~
“We follow the comet,” Dany told her khalasar. Once it was said, no word was raised against it. They had been Drogo’s people, but they were hers now. The Unburnt, they called her, and Mother of Dragons. Her word was their law.
~
Dany kissed him lightly on the cheek. It heartened her to see him smile. I must be strong for him as well, she thought grimly. A knight he may be, but I am the blood of the dragon.
A Game of Thrones
AGOT Daenerys X
“Princess ...” he began.
“Why do you call me that?” Dany challenged him. “My brother Viserys was your king, was he not?”
“He was, my lady.”
“Viserys is dead. I am his heir, the last blood of House Targaryen. Whatever was his is mine now.”
“My ... queen,” Ser Jorah said, going to one knee.
~
“You do not mean to die with him? You swear it, my queen?”
“I swear it,” she said in the Common Tongue of the Seven Kingdoms that by rights were hers.
~
Dany called the Dothraki around her. Fewer than a hundred were left. How many had Aegon started with? she wondered. It did not matter.
~
Her bath was scalding hot when Irri helped her into the tub, but Dany did not flinch or cry aloud. She liked the heat. It made her feel clean. Jhiqui had scented the water with the oils she had found in the market in Vaes Dothrak; the steam rose moist and fragrant. [...] Dany closed her eyes and let the smell and the warmth enfold her. She could feel the heat soaking through the soreness between her thighs. She shuddered when it entered her, and her pain and stiffness seemed to dissolve. She floated.
~
The heat beat at the air with great red wings, driving the Dothraki back, driving off even Mormont, but Dany stood her ground. She was the blood of the dragon, and the fire was in her.
~
No, she wanted to shout to him, no, my good knight, do not fear for me. The fire is mine. I am Daenerys Stormborn, daughter of dragons, bride of dragons, mother of dragons, don’t you see? Don’t you SEE?
AGOT Daenerys IX
“Eroeh?” asked Dany, remembering the frightened child she had saved outside the city of the Lamb Men.
“Mago seized her, who is Khal Jhaqo’s bloodrider now,” said Jhogo. “He mounted her high and low and gave her to his khal, and Jhaqo gave her to his other bloodriders. They were six. When they were done with her, they cut her throat.”
“It was her fate, Khaleesi,” said Aggo.
If I look back I am lost. “It was a cruel fate,” Dany said, “yet not so cruel as Mago’s will be. I promise you that, by the old gods and the new, by the lamb god and the horse god and every god that lives. I swear it by the Mother of Mountains and the Womb of the World. Before I am done with them, Mago and Ko Jhaqo will plead for the mercy they showed Eroeh.”
The Dothraki exchanged uncertain glances. “Khaleesi,” the handmaid Irri explained, as if to a child, “Jhaqo is a khal now, with twenty thousand riders at his back.”
She lifted her head. “And I am Daenerys Stormhorn, Daenerys of House Targaryen, of the blood of Aegon the Conqueror and Maegor the Cruel and old Valyria before them. I am the dragon’s daughter, and I swear to you, these men will die screaming. Now bring me to Khal Drogo.”
AGOT Daenerys VIII
[“]Do you trust your khas? Will they come with us?”
“Khal Drogo commanded them to keep me safe,” Dany replied uncertainly, “but if he dies ...” She touched the swell of her belly. “I don’t understand. Why should we flee? I am khaleesi. I carry Drogo’s heir. He will be khal after Drogo ...”
~
“Rein in your tongue, bloodrider. The princess is still your khaleesi.”
“Only while the blood-of-my-blood still lives,” Qotho told the knight. “When he dies, she is nothing.”
Dany felt a tightness inside her. “Before I was khaleesi, I was the blood of the dragon. Ser Jorah, summon my khas.”
~
“Is there no other way?”
“No other.”
Khal Drogo gave a shuddering gasp.
“Do it,” Dany blurted. She must not be afraid; she was the blood of the dragon. “Save him.”
“There is a price,” the godswife warned her.
“You’ll have gold, horses, whatever you like.”
“It is not a matter of gold or horses. This is bloodmagic, lady. Only death may pay for life.”
“Death?” Dany wrapped her arms around herself protectively, rocked back and forth on her heels. “My death?” She told herself she would die for him, if she must. She was the blood of the dragon, she would not be afraid. Her brother Rhaegar had died for the woman he loved.
~
“Khaleesi,” he pleaded, “you must not do this thing. Let me kill this maegi.”
“Kill her and you kill your khal,” Dany said.
“This is bloodmagic,” he said. “It is forbidden.”
“I am khaleesi, and I say it is not forbidden. In Vaes Dothrak, Khal Drogo slew a stallion and I ate his heart, to give our son strength and courage. This is the same. The same.”
AGOT Daenerys VII
“You cannot claim them all, child,” Ser Jorah said, the fourth time they stopped, while the warriors of her khas herded her new slaves behind her.
“I am khaleesi, heir to the Seven Kingdoms, the blood of the dragon,” Dany reminded him. “It is not for you to tell me what I cannot do.” Across the city, a building collapsed in a great gout of fire and smoke, and she heard distant screams and the wailing of frightened children.
~
“If your warriors would mount these women, let them take them gently and keep them for wives. Give them places in the khalasar and let them bear you sons.”
Qotho was ever the cruelest of the bloodriders. It was he who laughed. “Does the horse breed with the sheep?”
Something in his tone reminded her of Viserys. Dany turned on him angrily. “The dragon feeds on horse and sheep alike.”
AGOT Daenerys VI
If I were not the blood of the dragon, she thought wistfully, this could be my home. She was khaleesi, she had a strong man and a swift horse, handmaids to serve her, warriors to keep her safe, an honored place in the dosh khaleen awaiting her when she grew old ... and in her womb grew a son who would one day bestride the world. That should be enough for any woman ... but not for the dragon. With Viserys gone, Daenerys was the last, the very last. She was the seed of kings and conquerors, and so too the child inside her. She must not forget.
~
Dany was near tears as they carried her back. The taste in her mouth was one she had known before: fear. For years she had lived in terror of Viserys, afraid of waking the dragon. This was even worse. It was not just for herself that she feared now, but for her baby. He must have sensed her fright, for he moved restlessly inside her. Dany stroked the swell of her belly gently, wishing she could reach him, touch him, soothe him. “You are the blood of the dragon, little one,” she whispered as her litter swayed along, curtains drawn tight. “You are the blood of the dragon, and the dragon does not fear.”
~
“Was it the Usurper?”
“Yes.” The knight drew out a folded parchment. “A letter to Viserys, from Magister Illyrio. Robert Baratheon offers lands and lordships for your death, or your brother’s.”
“My brother?” Her sob was half a laugh. “He does not know yet, does he? The Usurper owes Drogo a lordship.” This time her laugh was half a sob. She hugged herself protectively. “And me, you said. Only me?”
“You and the child,” Ser Jorah said, grim.
“No. He cannot have my son.” She would not weep, she decided. She would not shiver with fear. The Usurper has woken the dragon now, she told herself ... and her eyes went to the dragon’s eggs resting in their nest of dark velvet.
AGOT Daenerys V
She must not flinch or look afraid. I am the blood of the dragon, she told herself as she took the stallion’s heart in both hands, lifted it to her mouth, and plunged her teeth into the tough, stringy flesh.
Warm blood filled her mouth and ran down over her chin. The taste threatened to gag her, but she made herself chew and swallow. The heart of a stallion would make her son strong and swift and fearless, or so the Dothraki believed, but only if the mother could eat it all. If she choked on the blood or retched up the flesh, the omens were less favorable; the child might be stillborn, or come forth weak, deformed, or female.
~
And finally it was done. Her cheeks and fingers were sticky as she forced down the last of it. Only then did she turn her eyes back to the old women, the crones of the dosh khaleen.
“Khalakka dothrae mr’anha!” she proclaimed in her best Dothraki. A prince rides inside me! She had practiced the phrase for days with her handmaid Jhiqui.
AGOT Daenerys IV
The water was scalding hot, as she liked it.
~
The Dothraki would respect him more if he looked less a beggar, she hoped, and perhaps he would forgive her for shaming him that day in the grass. He was still her king, after all, and her brother. They were both blood of the dragon.
~
“Next you’ll want to braid my hair.”
“I’d never ... ” Why was he always so cruel? She had only wanted to help. “You have no right to a braid, you have won no victories yet.”
It was the wrong thing to say. Fury shone from his lilac eyes, yet he dared not strike her, not with her handmaids watching and the warriors of her khas outside. Viserys picked up the cloak and sniffed at it. “This stinks of manure. Perhaps I shall use it as a horse blanket.”
“I had Doreah sew it specially for you,” she told him, wounded. “These are garments fit for a khal.” “I am the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, not some grass-stained savage with bells in his hair,” Viserys spat back at her. He grabbed her arm. “You forget yourself, slut. Do you think that big belly will protect you if you wake the dragon?”
His fingers dug into her arm painfully and for an instant Dany felt like a child again, quailing in the face of his rage. She reached out with her other hand and grabbed the first thing she touched, the belt she’d hoped to give him, a heavy chain of ornate bronze medallions. She swung it with all her strength.
It caught him full in the face. Viserys let go of her. Blood ran down his cheek where the edge of one of the medallions had sliced it open. “You are the one who forgets himself,” Dany said to him. “Didn’t you learn anything that day in the grass? Leave me now, before I summon my khas to drag you out. And pray that Khal Drogo does not hear of this, or he will cut open your belly and feed you your own entrails.”
AGOT Daenerys III
“Wait here,” Dany told Ser Jorah. “Tell them all to stay. Tell them I command it.”
The knight smiled. Ser Jorah was not a handsome man. He had a neck and shoulders like a bull, and coarse black hair covered his arms and chest so thickly that there was none left for his head. Yet his smiles gave Dany comfort. “You are learning to talk like a queen, Daenerys.”
“Not a queen,” said Dany. “A khaleesi.” She wheeled her horse about and galloped down the ridge alone.
The descent was steep and rocky, but Dany rode fearlessly, and the joy and the danger of it were a song in her heart. All her life Viserys had told her she was a princess, but not until she rode her silver had Daenerys Targaryen ever felt like one.
~
“What do you pray for, Ser Jorah?” she asked him.
“Home,” he said. His voice was thick with longing.
“I pray for home too,” she told him, believing it.
Ser Jorah laughed. “Look around you then, Khaleesi.”
But it was not the plains Dany saw then. It was King’s Landing and the great Red Keep that Aegon the Conqueror had built. It was Dragonstone where she had been born. In her mind’s eye they burned with a thousand lights, a fire blazing in every window. In her mind’s eye, all the doors were red.
~
“He could not lead an army even if my lord husband gave him one,” Dany said. “He has no coin and the only knight who follows him reviles him as less than a snake. The Dothraki make mock of his weakness. He will never take us home.”
“Wise child.” The knight smiled.
“I am no child,” she told him fiercely. Her heels pressed into the sides of her mount, rousing the silver to a gallop. Faster and faster she raced, leaving Jorah and Irri and the others far behind, the warm wind in her hair and the setting sun red on her face. By the time she reached the khalasar, it was dusk.
~
There is no privacy in the heart of the khalasar. Dany felt the eyes on her as she undressed him, heard the soft voices as she did the things that Doreah had told her to do. It was nothing to her. Was she not khaleesi? His were the only eyes that mattered, and when she mounted him she saw something there that she had never seen before. She rode him as fiercely as ever she had ridden her silver, and when the moment of his pleasure came, Khal Drogo called out her name.
AGOT Daenerys II
Dany had never felt so alone as she did seated in the midst of that vast horde. Her brother had told her to smile, and so she smiled until her face ached and the tears came unbidden to her eyes. She did her best to hide them, knowing how angry Viserys would be if he saw her crying, terrified of how Khal Drogo might react. [...]
There was no one to talk to. Khal Drogo shouted commands and jests down to his bloodriders, and laughed at their replies, but he scarcely glanced at Dany beside him. They had no common language. Dothraki was incomprehensible to her, and the khal knew only a few words of the bastard Valyrian of the Free Cities, and none at all of the Common Tongue of the Seven Kingdoms. She would even have welcomed the conversation of Illyrio and her brother, but they were too far below to hear her.
So she sat in her wedding silks, nursing a cup of honeyed wine, afraid to eat, talking silently to herself. I am blood of the dragon, she told herself. I am Daenerys Stormborn, Princess of Dragonstone, of the blood and seed of Aegon the Conqueror.
~
She was afraid of her brother, of what he might do if she failed him. Most of all, she was afraid of what would happen tonight under the stars, when her brother gave her up to the hulking giant who sat drinking beside her with a face as still and cruel as a bronze mask. I am the blood of the dragon, she told herself again.
~
“Please him, sweet sister, or I swear, you will see the dragon wake as it has never woken before.”
The fear came back to her then, with her brother’s words. She felt like a child once more, only thirteen and all alone, not ready for what was about to happen to her.
They rode out together as the stars came out, leaving the khalasar and the grass palaces behind. Khal Drogo spoke no word to her, but drove his stallion at a hard trot through the gathering dusk. The tiny silver bells in his long braid rang softly as he rode. “I am the blood of the dragon,” she whispered aloud as she followed, trying to keep her courage up. “I am the blood of the dragon. I am the blood of the dragon.” The dragon was never afraid.
AGOT Daenerys I
The girl pulled the rough cotton tunic over Dany’s head and helped her into the tub. The water was scalding hot, but Daenerys did not flinch or cry out. She liked the heat. It made her feel clean. Besides, her brother had often told her that it was never too hot for a Targaryen. “Ours is the house of the dragon,” he would say. “The fire is in our blood.”
#daenerys targaryen#a dance with dragons#a storm of swords#a clash of kings#a game of thrones#dany passages
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thehollowprince said: I am looking forward to seeing how this all unfolds, because its a great premise, though I don’t know if I would have attempted to juggle all the chimeras the way you are. Although, speaking of chimeras, where’s Theo? I have a hunch he’s the one “helping” Hayden’s sister, and I’m curious as to what happened to the other chimera? The big one with the Garuda talons? Belasko?
Belasko is long dead and gone in this, he was a willing accomplice/minion of the Dread Doctors and official in-story fate for him is that he thus eventually died from incompatibility with his ‘donor’ material the way several of the other chimeras did in canon and Hayden was going to without Scott giving her the bite. The reason the chimeras are all werewolves here is because as Corey briefly alluded to while he and Lucas were investigating the creepy Fae Murder-House, they WERE chimeras created/experimented on by the DD just like in the show.
And when Scott and his core pack of Malia, Aiden and Ethan plus the surviving members of Satomi’s pack who escaped Kali with them like Brett, Carrie and Lori, like....when pre-story, they tracked down the Doctors’ most recent lair in the hopes of finding Theo, who Scott, Malia, Aiden and Ethan hoped was still alive even though they believed he died in their original escape from the Doctors, they found the other chimeras and took them with them instead. Eventually, of course, some of them like Hayden started dying because of their chimera natures, and since the Scott of this AU has different issues with the bite and his werewolf nature because of how things went down here versus how they happened in canon.....one of the ripple effects of that is here he’s less opposed to offering the bite when it seems needed, and so he offered and they all accepted rather than risk the poisoning fate that they had no way of knowing whether or not it might happen to them all at some point or not.
The not in-story explanation for the lack of Belasko is I simply said, with feeling, “Oh FUCK no, that is NOT remotely what a garuda is, Davis you freaking hack, Garuda isn’t even something you can freaking pluralize since he’s a being not a supernatural species, and I already oh fucked no this with Hayden and your nagual shit and oh fucked no this with your wendigo and skinwalker shit and I just effin’ refuse to oh fuck no this again so y’know what, Belasko’s dead, he died, oh no, much sadness, no more ‘garuda’ chimeras. And what the fuck was even up with his plot vehicle of a power anyway, like why the fuck did you even decide that ‘garuda’ was the best and only match for ‘a supernatural being that takes other peoples’ powers.’ Like, we get it, you made the chimeras to be the X-Men story nobody was ever going to pay you to write, but Belasko’s no fucking Rogue, and know what? Now you did it, I just decided in fact he’s just dead. You only have yourself to blame. Shouldn’t have made him suck, then maybe somebody would give a shit.”
Ahem. Anyway. Yeah that’s the backstory for the lack of Belasko. In shorter news, Donovan also died offscreen simply because I was fucking sick to death of everything said about him and that stupid shoe-horned ‘schism’ resulting from his canon death so I just made the executive decision to just nope him out of existence and just Not with him instead.
The only other remaining chimera was Noah, the berserker chimera played by Jordan Fisher who as you know, I very much like and felt was wasted by the show, so he’s still very much around and kicking, as was briefly mentioned when they were talking about Hayden’s sister.. He accepted the bite the same as the rest of the chimeras, but he still had a home and family he felt missed him and was worth going back to, so he went home with Scott and the rest of the pack’s blessing and well-wishes. That was very much laid in there as a Chekhov’s gun of a plot point to pay off later. (Hayden of course misses her sister a great deal, but she suffers from some insecurities and doubts pre-existing from her and Val’s parents’ deaths that made her feel that going home would just mean danger would follow her there, much like the reason Scott left and stayed away from Beacon Hills. Whereas Noah doesn’t have similar reasons or Peter-related issues for feeling this way and mostly was just sure if his mother could hear him expressing such a sentiment, she’d ground the shit out of him for even thinking that was an acceptable explanation for staying away. He was always meant to show up eventually though).
ACTUAL SPOILER-Y SPOLERS I guess, if anybody is concerned on that front at this point, lmfao:
And yup, Theo is absolutely the ‘anonymous source’ behind Hayden’s sister suddenly deciding out of the blue that there was some clue to be found in New York. He did survive and has been playing a longterm game of his own all along, because I stan a villainous Theo who isn’t an inherently just evil or irredeemable character, but one who has believed himself to be the only one looking out for his best interests and used to doing so for long enough that he has as of now convinced himself he can explain or justify most any actions he takes for this reason, at least enough to satisfy his own conscience. I just find Theo incredibly more compelling as the teenage version of canon Peter to act as a foil to Scott, as opposed to the teenage version of fanon Peter to act as a victim to Scott, y’know, the way most everybody decided to view him as.
The spoiler-y part is that like Aiden and Ethan briefly mentioned to each other when they first showed up in Beacon Hills, Theo was one of the original DD captives in this universe, along with Scott, Malia, Aiden and Ethan - a werewolf being experimented alongside the other four by the Doctors, for their ‘unique’ traits. (Malia and Theo’s full-shift abilities, Aiden and Ethan’s ‘twin connection’ and Scott’s seemingly greater-than-average resistance to magic like mountain ash circles, with this of course actual being an indicator of his future status as a True Alpha. The one and only difference I made to Theo’s backstory here is that he’s actually a werewolf and not a chimera here. He was changed by a rogue Alpha’s bite at one point, much like he’d claimed originally on the show). Anyway, at one point, the Doctors’ experiments finally triggered Scott’s ascension to True Alpha by essentially pushing at his protective instincts in regards to the others.
But while this was something the Doctors were aiming for, having their own uses for a potential True Alpha’s power/nature, there was an unexpected side-effect they hadn’t planned for, given that there wasn’t much data for them to go off of when it came to True Alphas because of how rare they are (at least by the time the Dread Doctors came along, though that wasn’t always the case, as Alberich expressed to Lucas and Corey).
What they didn’t account for stems back to that long as fuck meta I wrote ages ago about how I view ‘the shape you take reflects the person you are’ in canon, and True Alphas. Basically, my take has always been you either are a True Alpha or you’re not. There’s no ‘level-up’ process, no ACTUAL ‘ascension.’ To me, TA just means like.....a werewolf who is ALWAYS more of a leader than ever a follower, since even other Alphas like Derek, Peter, and the Alpha Pack have demonstrated that at least before they were each alphas, they were all more than capable of and willing to exist as betas to another alpha, even if that alpha was just their direct predecessor and a born relative. Scott’s unique-ness within the Teen Wolf universe ultimately comes down to one thing and one thing only for me.....no matter how his personal views and morality evolved and changed over time, the one thing that was a constant was that no matter what, he was never willing to follow anyone he didn’t believe had a ‘right’ to lead him or command him, and he wasn’t swayed by the usual arguments of why a werewolf like him, a seeming beta, SHOULD view someone like Peter or Derek having the ‘right’ to command his allegiance.
Because even though he wasn’t technically an Alpha until 3A......Scott by Derek’s own admission was never really a beta or an omega. To be a beta, he would have had to ACTUALLY accept Peter or Derek’s ability or right to command his allegiance, which he never actually did, and he was never really an omega either, because as Derek said in S2, he realized the reason he had so much trouble convincing Scott to join him was he was already the alpha of his own pack. Since, like Scott’s later pack always included non-werewolves, there was never actually any reason why Allison and Stiles COULDN’T have been considered his pack all along.
The only reason IMO that Scott wasn’t a True Alpha from day one, is because he came into the werewolf world not having a clue what the ‘rules’ were, and from day one, every single person to fill him in on what the rules were, did so according to their traditional/more common views of how ‘things worked.’ He didn’t immediately reveal himself as a TA because he didn’t realize such a thing even existed, or it was even possible to be one, and so for a time it kinda existed....in flux, as it were. He wasn’t truly a beta or omega because neither was in his nature - he was very much a social creature, a pack entity more suited to being surrounded by others than a loner, but he was also not remotely someone willing to set aside his own views, beliefs or goals in order to follow someone else’s, even if the price for that unwillingness was being essentially outcast as far as both ‘normal werewolf society’ and normal human society viewed things. He simply reflected the IMAGE of being a beta or an omega, gold eyes and all, because as far as he knew, as far as he’d internalized as of that point, that was who he was supposed to be or all he COULD possibly be.
What changed this for him wasn’t just being made aware that True Alphas were a thing, albeit rare, like in 3A when Deaton first mentioned it. Because after all, the only REASON Deaton brought it up, was because Scott and others were ALREADY confused by the occasional flickers of alpha red they witnessed his eyes showing, like in the fight with Ennis, and technically, going all the way back to Night School in S1, where his eyes flickered red when he defied Peter’s efforts to mentally exert dominance over him and make him kill the others. Basically, just like when he matched Ennis blow for blow, even if just briefly, even though as the bigger, stronger, and more experienced and ALPHA werewolf Ennis should have swatted him aside like a fly, not just knocked him back a few feet......the flickers of Alpha red showed up just when Scott seemingly defied the ‘rules’ of werewolf nature and refused to give way to an Alpha’s dominance the way that most other betas and omegas typically were seen or believed to.
IMO its as simple as ‘at these times and others, Scott SHOWED that he was simply NOT a beta, he refused to follow any convictions MORE than his own, and he was consistently SHOWN to never truly be an omega, because how can someone be packless when someone has people already willing to follow HIM’.....and thus, he was a True Alpha all along, simply because Alpha was the only word left to describe him, even if he never inherited the ‘power’ from another Alpha or ‘stole it’ by killing one. The only thing that ever actually changed for him, was that he existed as a werewolf long enough and in enough defiance of ‘the way things worked’ that he just stopped ACCEPTING that beta and omega were the only two options that existed to define him, and he just for the first time fully internalized his own belief that he didn’t NEED others to define him, that it was enough that he just exist as he already was. His own self-image, self-WORTH, was all that he needed.
And that’s why the pivotal moment in which he ‘ascended’ to True Alpha once and for all, was basically when he was once again saying ‘fuck you’ to the ‘rules’ when he broke through Jennifer’s mountain ash circle, something he shouldn’t have been capable of. He was able to do it, and manifest fully as the True Alpha he’d been all along, because in that moment, he deliberately and with INTENT, like with full conscious awareness of what he was doing, that he was fully attempting to accomplish what everyone else claimed was impossible, he basically said “the rules don’t matter to me, the fact that everyone believes I SHOULDN’T be able to do this doesn’t matter to me, the only thing that matters to me is I’m going to do it whether anyone else believes I can or not. Only I and I alone get to decide who I am and what I’m capable of.”
THAT in my opinion is what True Alpha always meant, and its why Scott was the only one we saw on the show....because his narrative, deliberately from day one, was ALWAYS one of self-determination above all else.
So basically, the same logic and reasoning all applies to LC and his ‘ascension’ to True Alpha there....it was the same thing. He was one all along, but only became one when his conscious AND subconscious reflection of ‘the way things worked’ gave way to his stronger self-determination and refuses to just ACCEPT the way things work. And because here the Dread Doctors, like most everyone else in universe, like except for those like say, Alberich, because they just innately didn’t understand the real nature of True Alphas and what made someone one and WHY they’d become so rare (essentially, it became like a self-fulfilling prophecy - the more rare True Alphas became, the less of them there were because the less new and young werewolves believed let alone ACCEPTED that there was an alternative to following those they didn’t believe in, if they simply....refuted it enough via their own self-image).....but because the Doctors didn’t fully GET that Scott wasn’t just a potential True Alpha, but was already kinda a....True Alpha in-cocoon so to speak....they didn’t fully realize all the potential repercussions of them trying to PUSH him into manifesting as one the way they were.
And so the thing where it was mentioned that the twins, Scott and Malia all kinda ‘share’ each other’s unique traits now, with all of them able to full-shift, all of them sharing a lesser degree of the same psychic connection the twins do, and Scott’s seeming greater-than-average resistance to magic....that happened all on its own, the second Scott ‘fully’ became a True Alpha, and its the part the DD didn’t prepare for and didn’t understand. Because by not getting that Scott had already been an Alpha the whole time, they didn’t realize that these shapeshifters they’d been keeping in close proximity to one another, in shared predicaments, and clearly developing bonds because of it....like, just as Scott was already an Alpha by then, they were ALREADY a pack by then. They just didn’t know it, because well, a pack needs an alpha and they didn’t realize they already had one. So basically, they already HAD a pack bond, and thus when that combined with the Dread Doctors’ actual experiment and the kinda.....magical reaffirmation of Scott’s own self-image and alphahood rippled back through the suddenly VERY REAL and very CLEARLY real pack bond all at once, like it’d simply magically sprung into existence instead of just showing what had already been there in a different shape or form.....this all added together to kinda create this supernatural compounding effect. And thus, pretty much by accident, the Dread Doctors managed to completely unintentionally create a REAL throwback to the werewolf packs of old, like Alberich and the other Fae had ORIGINALLY ‘designed’ them to be.
Because just like the power of a werewolf comes from essentially being the supernatural embodiment of their strength of self, of their inner power, who and what they really are....(and why the shape an Alpha takes in the show varies so tremendously based on how the various Alphas viewed THEMSELVES and their own power)....
So too, is the power of a werewolf PACK the supernatural embodiment of the idea of the pack in full....the idea that the whole is GREATER than just the sum of its parts. Which is why the more werewolves get added to a pack, the more EACH individual pack member’s strength, healing, etc, increased as a whole. And thus here, that was true, but in addition, these various unique shapeshifters also ended up sharing the same traits that made each of them ON THEIR OWN fairly distinct....which actually is the way it was always intended to be, and once had been true of ancient packs.
(As of now, only the core pack of Scott, Malia, Aiden and Ethan share in this ‘level’ of their pack bond, but as for why that is, the answer is actually in the above explantion, lol).
So yeah, Scott manifested as a True Alpha, instant pack bond whammo, and reacting pretty much on instinct to the surprise this created for the DD, they escaped, largely by instinctively pulling on EACH OTHER’S individual gifts...because while the way the DD held them captive took into account their respective gifts, like say, Malia’s ability to full-shift, it DIDN’T take into account the possibility of all of them suddenly being able to full-shift without warning.
And then Scott, Malia, Aiden and Ethan escaped and spent the next several months wandering, stuck in their full-shfit shapes because they didn’t entirely yet understand what had happened or how, and so with that and the trauma they’d endured, it took them awhile to like....remember how to shift BACK, essentially.
At the time, the four of them all believed Theo had died in their escape attempt. But after they eventually got free of Kali and Julia, and had added the surviving members of Satomi’s old pack, they decided to try and track down the Dread Doctors in the hope that Theo was still alive....because now, with a better understanding of what had happened and what they were capable of, they were convinced they could still feel Theo through their initial pack bond.
Instead they found the chimeras and no sign of Theo, and with the urgency of at least getting these latest prisoners of the DD safe and sound, they kinda accepted that maybe they were wrong and it was just wishful thinking that they’d been so sure they could still feel Theo.
Or at least, Scott and Aiden did. Ethan and Malia, not quite.
You remember when Josh, Tracy, Lucas and Corey met with Malia in the park at night while Lucas and Corey told them about meeting Alberich and everything he’d said and hinted at, and the ‘offer’ he’d asked them to take to Scott? And how Malia firmly shut that shit down and all but ordered all of them not to say a word, because as she said, Scott absolutely would take Alberich’s deal without a second thought, to keep the rest of them safe, no matter what it meant for him? When they asked if that meant not telling the twins either, and Malia said yes because Ethan would agree but Aiden never would, and Lucas asked if this meant she and Ethan HAD ever before kept something from Scott and Aiden specifically and she said yes but refused to elaborate further.....this is what that was referencing.
Because when they went back for Theo and found the chimeras instead, Ethan and Malia ended up on their own at one point, and this is when they discovered that Theo had been a plant all along. Yes he was a werewolf in this AU, but he’d still ended up working for the Dread Doctors in exchange for getting away from the Alpha who’d turned him. They’d put him in with the others under the guise of him just being another experiment, in order to utilize him as a kind of control variable to nudge the others in ways and at times they expected them to be resistant to just going along with the Doctors’ latest experiment.
At the time, they didn’t find any proof that Theo was still alive after all, just this, so Malia and Ethan did still very much believe that he was dead at this point, same as Scott and Aiden now.....and so they felt that there was no point in telling them this and disillusioning them with Theo’s betrayal/complicity the way they felt betrayed by this information, and that it would just make things worse. They honestly felt they were protecting them by doing this, or at least Scott as he was the one they were concerned would take it the worst given how much responsibility he feels for everything and everyone.....but they also agreed not to tell Aiden as they didn’t think he’d agree to keep it from Scott. As Aiden in this AU is extremely ride or die from Scott and hates subterfuge as a general rule (but also, because hiding the info about Theo and this deal about Alberich is absolutely doomed to bite them in the ass, and Scott needed to have at least ONE of the inner circle who wasn’t hiding anything from him, specifically BECAUSE they knew he wouldn’t agree to it, just like Josh is of course, Very Not Happy about being asked to hide this stuff about Alberich and his offer).
So yeah, Theo of course did survive the original escape attempt and escaped himself and decided to stay that way and that he’d had enough of the Doctors’ ‘help’/employment.....
But also in no small part because he’d ended up getting hit by/included in the pack bond the same as the others when it manifested, and considering he was as clueless why as any of them at first, he had no doubt that if he stayed in the Doctors’ reach, they’d be quite keen to use him for all their experiments into why and what it meant regardless of his ‘allegiances.’
Ever since then, he’s kinda been on his own doing his own thing, and he had no plans to go after the others or do anything more to them at first, as this Theo DOES still have a conscience and while he believes in looking out for number one, it DID still at times ping while lying to the others.....but that kinda changed once he worked out for himself a little bit of what it meant that he still could ‘feel’ the others, as well as being more resistant to magic now than he’d been previously. Because to ACTUALLY partake in the pack bond that’d been created, that meant that at least some of the bond he’d ‘faked’ creating with the others actually HAD been real. It wouldn’t have been enough for just THEM to believe it’d been real, and him to benefit from getting their portion of things as a result, like he’d originally tried to convince himself. Because see, once he did track down the others and observe them from afar, just to test his own theories, he found out that just like him....Scott and the twins now could full-shift into coyotes, like Malia. That, after all, was what they’d all gotten from her.
But, they - and Malia - ALSO could full-shift into wolves. Just like him.
And that, they could have ONLY gotten from HIM. The others didn’t get just a full-shift ability from Malia....they got the ability to shift fully into BOTH their wolf selves, and a coyote version of themselves, due to how closely related wolves and coyotes are, and thus they just sort of manifest slightly different selves via that shared family connection. It probably wouldn’t have worked the same way if Malia had been like a were-bear shifter or something, but another canine, yeah. They don’t use the other shape much at all, because for Scott, Ethan, Aiden and Theo, the wolf is what FEELS most like ‘them,’ whereas the coyote feels like a comfortable, well-fitting disguise they can slip into from time to time, while for Malia its the same in reverse, but its still something they each have.
And thus while the others could make the assumption, given that they thought Theo was dead or dead and a fake the whole time, that both full-shifts came from Malia’s ability just combined with the wolf nature of the other three.....for Theo, there was no denying that the reality was that the wolf full-shifts came from him. From him - unknowingly or not - ACTUALLY offering it up through the pack bond....something that only could have happened as something he GAVE, not that they just TOOK. Something, that was proof that somehow, without realizing it, the bonds he’d formed during that initial time had actually become a lot more real than he’d convinced even himself.
And Theo does NOT care for that realization.
Because see, if ANY of that was real, on his end, that gave those pings of his conscience from way back then renewed life and intensity, and frankly, he doesn’t care too much for his conscience. Its loud and annoying and inconvenient, and he’d quite like it to go suck a dick when he’s being comfortably amoral and doing whatever he damn well feels like doing for no other reason than because he feels like it. But now the thing’s always peskily droning away in the background reminding him its there, and Theo unfortunately tends to make some of his worst decisions when he’s testily trying to prove to his conscience that you’re not the boss of me and bitch, I do what I want.
Plus there’s the fact that on top of this, the very idea of MUTUAL pack bonds gives Theo very icky feelings of things like...obligation, and concern, and other four letter words that he very much just does not fuck with, thanks ever so much. With the cherry on top of his “I Did Not Ask For This, Please Take It Back To The Kitchen But No Not The Added Powers Too, Those Can Stay, I Like Those” Pie being that, well.....like I said, the reason none of them or the Dread Doctors realized ahead of time that they were already a pack, is because a pack needs an Alpha.
Which in time, makes Theo realize, that if on some level, he’s actually and still actually PACK, in his own subconscious as much as theirs.....then this by extension means....on some level, he views and accepts Scott as his alpha.
Theo: OH HELLLLLLLLLL NO.
Which, to my mind, is why Theo was always the perfect foil for Scott. Scott is a True Alpha who THINKS he’s okay with following but in actuality is never truly comfortable allowing another’s will to supersede his own, and would rather be on his own than with someone he’s uncomfortable following. Theo is a lone wolf who THINKS he’s okay being one and would never follow anyone but himself, but in actuality, he’s never truly been comfortable alone and he’s willing to allow others’ will to supersede his own if they offer comfort that outweighs his discomfort with the idea.
So Theo’s around making moves in the background because he has his own agenda for Fixing This and making things more in line with how he’d like them. There’s definitely an end game for that but I wouldn’t say its total redemption-oriented as he has absolutely Fucked Stuff Up before this point and will continue to do so, and with gusto, because he’s kinda his own worst enemy, but neither is it outright vilifaction and death and/or total ostracization/exile-esque. Its more...Theo is very much still in flux, somewhat like Scott was between being bitten and ‘becoming’ a True Alpha, and nothing that doesn’t go smoothly is totally without consequences. Its just.....Theo’s complicated, and he’s going to remain so, but what that means exactly tends to change over time. But like, Malia is also complicated, and so are Ethan and Aiden, and so is Scott, and they are all very different versions of complicated, so.......basically all I’m saying is I don’t think I could ever write a Theo that’s fully a ‘Good Guy’ but as much as I detest show Theo, like the twins, its because he could have been written a lot differently and been a lot more compelling for it, all without ever being a ‘Good Guy’ and so I’m not actually all that interested in writing him as an out and out no holds barred villain either.
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Luca Balsa 6w7
[[08 August 2020
Originally written as a comment thread on PDB]]
It seems that this is another case of an inventor/scientist character being voted as a 5 by default, rather than by actually analyzing his personality or canon information. Here we have the first paragraph of his background, containing several counterindicators of being a 5 with a 4 wing:
“Luca Balsa used to be considered friendly and too trusting by most people. No one knows where he came from or has seen his family, but clearly, he's well educated. He has a tremendous sense of pride and he is curious about all sorts of scientific inventions.“
Most significant here is that he is described as being both “friendly” and “too trusting”, at least, prior to the accident. Nowhere is he described as withdrawn or aloof, a trait that the 5 and 4 both share; nowhere in his character bio is Luca said or implied to be cold or avaricious. Unlike a 5, Luca does not seem to feel that expectations of others are a burden, and certainly isn’t a character who seeks to distance himself from his own emotions.
While it’s true that he is described as being “curious about all sorts of scientific inventions”, this does not in and of itself mean he is a 5. His curiosity could just as easily come from being an ENTP, and/or an enneatype with influence from 7. It is important to remember that 5 is not the only enneatype in the thinking triad; by virtue of being a “triad”, there are in fact two other enneatypes characterized by the individual’s strong connection to the brain.
If he were truly a 5w4, the double withdrawn, double internal focus of attention from both enneatypes would be magnified, becoming a distinguishing feature of his character. However, it is not; the one trait he has that could potentially indicate a 5 or 4 influence is his “tremendous sense of pride”, although this is a characteristic shared with other enneatypes, such as the 3 or the counterphobic 6.
Based on his character trailer, I find that 6w7 is far more likely than 5w4, taking into account both instinctual stacking and influence of the wings. Since the trailer is narrated by Luca himself, it offers some important insights into his character. To begin, here is Luca transitioning from talk of his inventions to talk of his mentor:
“You know, it feels so good to have one’s invention. But why did he always think I got it wrong? I never found the answer, not even when the electric current struck his brain”
The way he phrased it is significant; it shows an inner feeling of insecurity based around what a trusted authority figure felt about him. Although Luca himself seems to be perfectly satisfied with his own work, his mentor was not. Rather than dismissing this judgement — after all, he did not agree with such an assessment — he instead seems to be deeply troubled by this.
By saying that he never found an answer, “not even when the electric current struck his brain”, Luca implies that the invention itself worked perfectly fine. Even with the accident, it wasn’t the invention that malfunctioned. Based on the visuals in the trailer, the accident was caused not by faulty machinery, but by a physical altercation between the mentor and Luca. Therefore, the emotional turmoil caused by this is not a product of the 5’s fear of incompetence.
Furthermore, while Luca gives the impression of being secure in his own competency, it appears that his mentor’s disapproval still holds weight for him; given the circumstances, a 5 or a 4 would be far less likely to give much merit to the opinions of someone who couldn’t — or wouldn’t — articulate their reasons. Generally, once a 5 or a 4 has judged their own worth or decided they have completed a task to their own standards, it would take clear reasoning to sway them from this belief. However, without even explaining why or how Luca was wrong, the mentor was able to make Luca doubt himself. Therefore, it seems that while Luca may be confident in his abilities, he still has an inner desire to receive approval or reassurance from an external source (in this case, from a superior).
But what of the line directly preceding this? The line where Luca expresses this sentiment about his invention:
“I knew since I first saw it that I’d never fall in love with anything else.”
It’s perfectly understandable that one might mistake this as being indicative of a 4 wing; after all, this sort of romantic, almost poetic expression of feeling is indeed common among the type. That does not, however, mean it is exclusive to the 4. Still, there is undoubtedly some confusion as to how this line could possibly support a 6w7 interpretation of Luca’s character. To understand this, it is first necessary to understand instinctual stacking.
The 6 is typically thought of as being the most anxious type on the enneagram, and in many ways, this is true; however, the expression of the individual’s fear spans traits at opposite ends of the fight vs flight spectrum.
The phobic 6 is more openly fearful, avoiding conflict and complying with others. Their reserved nature and occasional withdrawal appears more like a 5. Meanwhile, the counterphobic 6 charges into danger, hoping to silence the fear by beating it into submission. Counterphobic 6’s tend to have either sx or so at the top of their instinctual stack, with sx 6’s appearing the most outgoing and confident. With a more active presence, the sx 6 shares more of the energy of a 3 or 8.
Luca appears to match up to the traits of an sx 6, reflected by his friendly and confident nature. Even more important is the sx 6’s connection to the vanity of the 3: in order to distract from feelings of fear, or worrying about worst case scenarios, the sx 6 turns their attention to beauty and aesthetics. To avoid feeling or appearing weak, the sx 6 also adopts a false courage, which can sometimes come off as arrogance. These characteristics of the sx 6 encompass Luca’s pride, as well as his romantic framing of the invention’s beauty.
Once a solid foundation for an sx 6 Luca is made, the 7 wing naturally follows. In general, the sp 6 maps to a 5 wing, while the sx 6 maps to 7, since both are largely determined by the individual’s balance of phobic and counterphobic tendencies.
The 6w7 is characterized by attempting to quiet fears and doubts through forming close connections with other people, and are usually described as being funny and likable. In contrast to the 6w5, the 6w7 is socially extraverted and lighthearted, aided in part by the 7’s harmonic pattern: positive outlook. This follows the description of Luca as being “friendly” and “too trusting”; as a sx 6, his way of handling doubt is by befriending others and seeming self-assured, even if he isn’t.
Having laid this framework, a solid interpretation of the rest of Luca’s backstory can be explicated.
“The great inventor thinks highly of Luca and a lot of people thought he would be the inventor's successor. Yet everything came to a halt because of an academic dispute. The great inventor claimed that Luca sold his research to a competitor behind his back, that Luca is an ungrateful traitor. Yet Luca said the great inventor is a thief who has run out of ideas.”
Of course, this resulted in the lab accident that cost Luca his mentor and his freedom, and the amnesia he suffered means the truth remains a mystery. Regardless, the dispute itself seems to me an example of Luca counterphobically reacting to the betrayal of a man he believed in and looked up to. The 6 is characterized as being the most loyal of the types, with faith and trust being the “holy idea”. Because of this, the 6 is extremely reactive to breaches of this trust, with the sx 6 in particular becoming belligerent or explosive when feeling insecure or fearing abandonment.
Having his mentor accuse him of being an ungrateful traitor, regardless of the claim’s veracity, would undoubtedly have made him upset independent of enneatype. However, Luca’s harsh counterclaim, as well as the physical altercation that followed, seems to be a clear case of a 6 reacting to betrayal and an unjust use of authority, going on the attack rather than withdrawing the way a 5 (especially with a 4 wing) would be more likely to do.
Luca demonstrates a number of traits unique to the sx 6, but that does not mean there is an absence of the type’s core traits. One defining feature of the 6 is the anxiety, or more specifically, the anticipation of problems. The in-game explanation of Luca’s “Super Circuit” trait offers the following description:
“To play it safe, the "Prisoner" set up a connection between the two Exit Gates in advance. While the Exit Gates are opened, the coded lock will connect automatically, allowing transmission of the Decoding Progress between the two coded locks.”
The wording of this passage caught my eye, the sentiment being expressed in the simple phrase “to play it safe” all but crying out core type 6. Having specifically set it up “in advance”, Luca displays the telltale 6 trait of quelling fear through anticipating future threats and obstacles (and then taking physical action to guard against or “solve” them). While I can in no way see Luca as having a 5 core, it’s undeniable that even as a 5, his wing would be a 6 rather than a 4.
At its center, the 6 is a thinking type characterized by the use of intellect to make sense of the world, anticipating threats or problems and moving to mitigate them. Whether sx, sp, or so, there is an inherent conflict with authority, with the two extremes of staunch loyalty and passionate rebellion. There is a friendliness and warmth to the 6 that the 5 and 4 lack; with a 7 wing, this disparity becomes even more pronounced.
Drawing on information already given by netease, I find it difficult to type Luca as anything but a 6w7, unless one is simply relying on stereotypes. In summation, Luca displays several hallmark traits of the sx 6w7 (eg. friendliness, hidden anxiety, and a trusting nature) while entirely lacking key 5w4 indicators (trouble living in reality, eccentricity, and a withdrawn nature/being a “loner”).
#long post#enneagram#enneatype#ennea 5#ennea 6#5w4#6w7#personality database#character analysis#identity v#luca balsa#instinctual stack#sx/so#idv prisoner
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Sid Meier’s Civilization VI Review — Complex Systems Made Handheld Accessible
With the Nintendo Switch acting as both a portable and home console, the possibilities it proves are quite unique. Games for the platform can embody the usual traits of current day HD console games, or they can be designed for quick pick up and play sessions meant to be experienced in handheld mode. By finally putting Civilization VI on the Switch, here is a game that can fit either need.
It’s likely that a large number of people who bought a Switch do not play games on other platforms, so this iteration of Civilization VI could be their first experience with the series—it certainly was mine. With that in mind, it was important to delve into the perspective of a newcomer. As accessibility and ease of play are primary goals for many games on Nintendo platforms, it was important to me that this game that I initially found intimidating would exemplify those principles.
For the most part, it did.
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“As accessibility and ease of play are primary goals for many games on Nintendo platforms, it was important to me that this game that I initially found intimidating would exemplify those principles.”
As I discovered rather quickly, Civilization VI is all about building civilizations. Jokes aside, I was quite pleased that this port was designed with novice players such as myself—upon starting up my first game, I was asked if I was new to either Civilization VI, the Switch port, or the Civilization series as a whole. Selecting the third option resulted in a guided experience that caught me up with the basics of the turn-based game, while also being a little less hand-holding than the tutorial.
And boy, were there a lot of systems to wrap my head around—it turns out that building a civilization from the ground up is a bit complicated. A lot of the bread and butter of the gameplay involves establishing cities, producing and utilizing resources, and moving units such as warriors, scouts, and settlers around the large, hexagonal map to make gains for your civilization (my personal thoughts on how the game depicts this later). The systems get deeper when it gets into the culture nitty gritty, with religion, civics, and science developments being a large part of managing a civilization.
The player will act as or encounter and deal with several historical figures, not limited to Theodore Roosevelt, Cleopatra, and Mahatma Gandhi. These anachronistically-placed leaders will all deal with situations differently, having their own agendas and advantages that players will have to keep in mind. These leaders are represented by animated character models with scripted dialogue, and they could very well become your enemies or allies, depending on how you play the board with your units. Encroach on someone’s territory, and either side may end up declaring war. Democracy’s tough, man.
“And boy, were there a lot of systems to wrap my head around—it turns out that building a civilization from the ground up is a bit complicated.”
Assuming players pick the option of “New to Switch,” the main selling point is just how it controls on the console. For the most part, it operates as a hybrid of how I would expect the game to control on both home consoles and on mobile. It’s entirely possible to navigate through the game’s board and menus through buttons and an analog stick, but handheld mode makes full use of the touchscreen.
During most of my playtime with the game, I elected to use the handheld controls instead. It took me a comical amount of time to figure out how to select different units when they occupied the same hex space, but using the touch screen for selection was a breeze. It’s a minute difference, but I found myself playing Civilization VI lying down in bed more often than sitting upright in front of the television.
The touch screens go further than simple button presses, with gestures one would expect coming from an iOS game coming into play. Tap the screen with three fingers to pause, swipe around the map, pinch to zoom in and out, and so on. “Intuitive” is a cliched term for this kind of stuff, but seeing how difficult I found the systems of this game to be, having the touchscreen available to me made it just that. I still found myself baffled by some of the HUD elements, with many buttons not being labeled, but I chalked that up to my own damn attention span missing some prompts earlier in the game.
“…I found myself playing Civilization VI lying down in bed more often than sitting upright in front of the television.”
It wasn’t too long into playing Civilization, however, that I found my own personal views on warfare and colonization to hamper my experience. I can stomach hyperrealistic World War II games quite well, but the way this game depicts a wider scope of colonialism from the top down is what made me a bit uncomfortable. In fact, it’s probably the vibrant, bright colors that made the experience all the more unsettling.
I’ve been familiar with the theme songs of the recent Civilization games, as I have friends who won’t stop sending them to me—yes, the choral composition and instrumental arrangements sound nice and all, but it’s indicative of just how optimistic and cheery the game is. From the opening video to Sean Bean’s soothing narrations, the game is trying to invoke this sense of wonder and enthusiasm, when what you are recreating in the game are acts of colonization, assimilation, and straight-up war.
Most players are able to separate the politics from the gameplay, but Civilization VI not only felt so inherently political, but violent. History was probably the subject that I followed the closest in high school, so with much of that context in mind, especially with everything about the world that I’ve learned since then, winning a match through a “religious victory” or total domination didn’t bring me too much satisfaction. Yes, these are all simulations and virtual people, but I found the win conditions a bit too hard to fist pump to.
“Most players are able to separate the politics from the gameplay, but Civilization VI not only felt so inherently political, but violent.”
I doubt that most people eyeing this game will really be troubled by the content and presentation, and I’m not expecting moral objections or anything of the such. Having never dived into the series, I can only assume that it has lasted for so long due to its impact on the genre, and for that, I’m happy that anyone interested in either the series or the genre as a whole can finally experience this on the Switch.
Even hours into my time with the game, I still felt as though I was far from mastering the nuances of Civilization VI. I’m still on the fence on whether or not I want to pursue a greater understanding of the game, not entirely because of my aforementioned concerns, but because I’m not so sure I’ll be able to understand it by the end. To me, there’s a difference of having intrigue and having fun in a game, and I can report that the only real fun I had playing Civilization VI was renaming “Washington” into “ButtTown.”
Still, I really do admire the care put into making this game playable for the Switch—it seems like such a perfect fit on paper, and it works in execution. I can’t imagine that the audience who bought the Switch just for the Nintendo first-party games will be interested in Civilization VI. If any of them do end up purchasing it, the learning curve will likely be steep. But if they’re able to move past that better than I could, the controls on Switch should make it feel like a breeze.
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