#I have done my very best not to spoil myself on anything in this game so i'm really going blind here

[maburito]

This is so badass I love it

[caylinmiraki]

My relationship with The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I love TotK, I really do. It's fun to play and to explore for a while. But that's it. I kinda have a toxic relationship with this game. It gives me the highest heights just to shove some pretty unnecessary hindrance in my face.

tl;dr: Erasing BotW from TotK was the worst thing they could've done to this game. It's hard to believe that this game's got 5 years of development under its belt. It truly is a disappointing Masterpiece.

I’m just going to head right in.

I absolutely adore a well-written story and exploring new Lands to see what kind of secrets it holds. and am someone who really can't deal with spoilers of any kind, so color me surprised when the second memory I encountered was the one near Lurelin Village where it's exposed that we got a fake Zelda. It felt great to have my theory proven right because I’ve cleared a few Stable Quests before looking for the Tears and figured it out (isn’t very difficult I know). But when I realized that I’d skipped a massive part of this story I was disappointed because I expected a story progression like Botw but ended up spoiling myself with one of the most impactful memories. At the same time, it was so frustrating to see everyone dance on the palm of this impostor's hand while the player knows exactly what's going on and you/Link couldn't do anything about it.

The fact that almost no one recognized Link or even knew of him was also so frustrating; infuriating even. This legendary Hero saved Hyrule along with Princess Zelda in a 100-year-long battle, only to be forgotten? While everyone knows of Zelda? Like, you wanna tell me that the whole time Zelda traveled the lands of Hyrule to learn about the people and forge connections, Link wasn't with her? Her appointed knight that never leaves her side?

I know they chose to basically erase him to make the story less complicated for people who didn't play BotW, but let's be honest the amount of players that fit this criteria can't be more than 5%, and that's thinking generously, so why ruin the experience for the other 95%? Besides a small part of the Zora, the Stableowners, the people at Lookoutlanding, some Shieka, and the Yiga-Clan no one knows about him. In addition to that we also only get two mentions of the champions from botw. Mipha is referenced and I think Daruk gets a mention as well. When I entered Zoras Domain in TotK and saw that they had replaced Miphas Statue with a statue of Link and Sidon (which I find hideous tbh) I was so fucking furious. I adore her and they just pushed her onto some faraway cliff to collect dust. I think Daruk gets referenced in a dialog with Yunobo but that’s it, besides his statue in Goron City. Urbosa and RevalI have been completely forgotten it appears. They could have at least referenced those two regarding their successors having similar powers.

However, I have to say that Gerudo Desert was one of the best areas in TotK with a nice twist to the Questline leading up to the Dungeon. The Desert is being plagued by weird undead monsters and shrouded in a never-ending sandstorm. Gerudo Town is desolated and abandoned and you worry for its citizens. I loved this dreadful approach on the Demon Kings homeland. There are just two things I can't agree with in this new Gerudo Desert.

First, they don't kick Link out of Gerudo Town after the situation is resolved. This clan of proud warriors that cling deeply to their roots and traditions, just let Link walk in and out of Gerudo Town as he likes. It apparently isn't that much of a deal anymore if young VaI were to see a Voi, and saving their Town for the second time after defeating Va Naboris, returning peace to Gerudo Desert, and retrieving their heirloom was now enough to allow him to enter without a disguise? Oh yes, I forgot BotW didn't happen apparently. Secondly, I want female Gerudo clothes for Link. Why would you rob us of this experience? I also strongly feel like they designed the areas in this order Rito>Gerudo>Gorons>Zora it just gets less and less refined throughout the game. I first encountered the Wind Temple and then went to the Water Temple afterward. I felt like I've skydived full speed from the sky islands straight into the depths without a paraglider. Moktoroc was a Boss I'd expect in a meme fight or mod or something, but a fully-fledged dungeon boss..?

Talking about bosses, something I really enjoyed in TotK were the encounters with Master Khoga. He is such a delight to encounter in this game; truly the most polished and lovable character in all of TotK (and BotW in my opinion). He has his purpose, he is silly, sometimes overly so, but all in all, is he a real threat to the inhabitants of Hyrule and Link. For real, Master Khoga and his Clan always recognize Link and engage with him BECAUSE he is Link and not because he just happened to be there. When I encountered Master Khoga for the first time in the depths I was so excited because I remembered that he fell down this chasm in BotW and that the most iconic and best villain in BotW is still alive. I really was just so delighted I think I almost cried (I'm a huge fangirl, leave me alone). He and the Yiga Clan made the Depths their own in the time that passed between those two games. The only thing I would have wished for was that Master Khogas questline could have been a bit longer and that he shouldn't have ended up like in BotW. And what I would have liked was to have one huge Yiga-Clan structure that served as their home base in the depths, like the Yiga Hideout on the surface.

There are just three more things I want to mention that don't sit well with me in this game.

First: the Depths are empty. I want to make each Zelda game my own and play it at least once to 100% in any regard. All Locations, all Shrines, all Lightroots, all chests, all quests, all Koroks (urgh), and so on. I want to harvest everything this game has to offer. But when I was "exploring" the depths in my progressed savestate I just found myself comparing the overworld to the depths to find shrines or lightroots. I traveled from one destination to another just to complete my task and gaining every shrine in the process was a nice addition. Tbh, I don't even know what the reward was for clearing all Shrines. I remember you got some kind of seed or flower from the lightroots tho.

The depths are incredibly dull. What happens in the depths?

1. You get the Autobuild ability

2. Fire Temple (Great design choice btw, very esthetic tho not challenging)

3. Minerus questline

4. Master Khoga and the Yiga-Clan

5. Weird Poe trading Statues (idk if this should count tbh)

6. Lost Woods access

7. Demon King Ganondorf (Daddy)

So we've got 6-7 major events in the depths. An area as big as Hyrule itself filled with almost nothing. You encounter abandoned Mines that always work the same. Search for the chest, pick up some Zonaite, and off you go. Yiga-Clan outposts; kill the Yiga, read the journal, loot the chests, and next. And don't get me started on the recycled dungeon bosses you can now just kill for fun down there. WHY?? I hate when bosses, incredibly strong monsters that are tied to a location as its last obstacle, as its guardian to prevent the Hero from accomplishing his goal, just get reused as an overworld boss. Tho they're so easy to kill a Gleeok is more dangerous. Now that I think about it King Gleeok might just be the most challenging Boss in TotK.

The second thing I would have wished for, but knew it would not happen was for Link to permanently lose his arm and for Zelda to remain a Dragon. I knew it wouldn't happen because Zelda always has a happy ending but it would have solidified TotK as another huge break in the tloz formula. Link losing his arm would have shown just how incredibly dangerous this whole situation really was, even to the Hero of the Wild. A crippled Hero with lost limbs and remains scarred for life (like the theories for the Heros Shade from Twilight Princess) is something Zelda lacks and just solidifies that Link is fucking overpowered and nothing can stop him. Don't get me wrong, I know it's kinda his thing to just be like this and to make the player feel accomplished in saving the land of Hyrule and its Princess, but we’re in the 2020s, and people want some kind of realism, drama, and especially in this case, involvement in the story. The way things are, it just feels like a fever dream sometimes. Might be an unpopular opinion but I'd like to see Link struggle for once in a while. (I know, botw’s basically a summary of Zelda and Links’ struggle to save Hyrule, but that’s not my point here and you know it.)

I know the chances of Zelda remaining a Dragon forever were close to nonexistent, and I think I wouldn't have a problem with this, if the developer had just given us a real explanation as to why, and how this is even possible. Mineru emphasized multiple times, that this forbidden ritual is irreversible and that she would erase herself if she were to proceed. Her decision has such a massive impact on the Story. Zelda went to such lengths to protect her Kingdom and support Link, she gave up everything and she was so terrified but her trust in Link is just so great that she believes that he will at least save Hyrule; her kingdom when she can only provide him with the tool to do so. Only to be reversed because two ghosts appeared. The theory that Sonia and Rauru channeled their energy through Link to reverse Zeldas form like Mineru said is just that, a theory. But aside from Raurus power and spirit residing with Link in his arm, where did Sonia come from? When the imprisoning war happened Sonia was long gone and there were no hints of her spirit being connected to Link or Zelda. It just feels unpolished and the explanation of "magic" isn't satisfying at all.

Lastly, something that bothers me in particular, I don't think many miss this feature. I am a huge fan of the Dark Souls series and challenging games in general. So my disappointment, when I learned that there wasn't a Master Mode for TotK, and there are no plans to implement one in the future, was immense. I would have loved to play through this game with a more challenging note and 100% it that way. I’m really sad about this, would have loved to see improved golden monsters that would have destroyed me and tested my skill.

To end this rant on a positive note, TotK is still one of the best games I've played. Its mechanics and freedom of action are one in a kind and I could spend hours just playing around with ZonaI devices and build the most ridiculous builds. It has really well-thought-out Quests and fun characters to interact with. Link and Zeldas relationship (as an aromantic myself) just feels so fulfilling. I know many people see their relationship and their dependency on each other as signs of a canon love story between these two, and by all means, go for it (that Zelda lives in Links house now is evidence enough. And I ship them occasionally myself)! But for me, the fact that it isn't explicitly said leaves room for interpretation, and, they are just two people who can 100% trust each other and whose lives are so incredibly intertwined that they are just codependent at this point. I love how they've written Zelda and Links relationship.

And my highlight, of course, is Ganondorf and the final boss fight. I adore Ganondorf his design is so incredibly well done, you feel his ambitions and dominance throughout every "encounter" we witness. Though we don't know those ambitions and anything about him besides that he wants to restore the rule of "the survival of the fittest", to be honest. He is pure fanservice I tell you. And I live for this.

The final fight is a (almost) one one-on-one with the Demon King(Just like Twilight Princess, one of the most epic showdowns of all time). An excellent magician who mastered all forms of weaponry just like Link and is even capable of flurry rushing (an ability that many/I thought was Links champion ability in BotW). It's epic, it's cinematic, and filled with surprises. When I fought Ganondorf in the first half, I just assumed we got two phases, and that's it, like in Botw. But holy shit. The second phase started and his health bar just kept going and he looks like THAT with his cocky attitude; brother. The moment you defeat him, and think it's over, you realize what he's about to do but before you can act he just grabs Link, and smashes him through tons of stone, and debris (however he came out of this unscathed; would have loved if he got at least a little injured and then healed by the light dragon or something.) and suddenly you are in the skies facing off against this massive titan of a Dragon. This fight is as challenging as the Dark Beast Ganon fight in BotW but its buildup and the resulting fight high above the surface with the help of Zelda who subconsciously knows it's her destiny to support Link in this fight makes it way better than just a cinematic final showdown. Link manages to defeat the Demon Dragon and after he blows up like a nuke (wtf was that anyway, so awesome!) and Zelda is transformed back to her human form. Link is skydiving to catch Zelda as they plummet from the sky and the moment, he finally reaches her hand and catches her will be forever one of the most emotional and impactful scenes in any Zelda game. Despite its flaws, TotK offers an undeniably captivating experience. With its innovative mechanics, memorable moments, and interesting characters, it carved its own niche within the Zelda universe. While it does leave me a bit disappointed that it ended up like it did, expectations for Zelda Games are always skyrocketing but I still don’t think that we expected too much. I rate this a solid 8.5/10 while every other Zelda entrance is a 10/10.

I love TotK but like I said. It's a toxic relationship and whenever I find myself wanting to revisit this Hyrule I rather play BotW than TotK. Sorry for my rant.

[teamxdark]

Hi Smash!! I have So Many questions for you, honestly, but I figured I’d send one per major AU as a paltry attempt at limiting myself. (I’ve also done my best to avoid asking for outright spoilers!)

- In Dark Boom, is Shadow’s backstory very similar to the game-universe one, or not so much?

- In the Hotwing Universe, does Sonbladow ever become a thing? If so, is there any chance you might be able to say how that would happen? (Listen. Listen I know there are SO many questions I could’ve asked, but I am weak for sonadow in all of its forms always.)

- Ages ago, you made a post talking about how Arthur and Sonic would eagerly discuss their separate universes, while Lancelot would become extremely upset and even angry with Shadow for not instantly liking Sonic the way he did with Arthur. What would it take for Lancelot to understand where Shadow was coming from?

I hope this isn’t too much, I just got very excited when I saw you were open for questions!! I hope you’re doing alright and taking care of yourself when you can :)

Hi Sol thank you!!!! I'm sorry it took me ages to answer, turns out I'm still a sleepy human being who forgets things that aren't right in front of their face... But I'm happy to answer any questions you have, so long as you're okay with a bit of waiting sometimes!

(Also I'm happy to spoil anything that isn't the Avalon Series, so go ahead with those questions too!)

1) I did expand a bit on Boom Shadow's backstory in this post here, so feel free to give that a look!

2) Yes. Twice even! At the end of 06 after Sonic's revival (sadly Bladow remembers nothing about it and Sonic only has some faraway memories of it after the timeline reset), and then again when they're reunited in Forces.

3) Lancelot is a stubborn and stupidly devoted man. He cannot wrap his mind around any version of himself denying his friendship with his version of Arthur. Even downplaying it is disrespectful. It's fairly close-minded but that's just how Lancelot functions. We love a mindlessly loyal man who simps beyond measure.

[theartisticcrow]

Silly Game Time: What's the first song that comes to mind right now?

The Ballad of Sweeney Todd. I got home only about an hour ago after going to see it at the theater downtown where I live because my Drama teacher offered to take anyone who wanted to go to see it and it was so fucking cool. It was dark because you know a lot of murder and cannibalism but it was also so funny at the same time. I wish I could watch it a million times over because it was just so mind blowing of a performance.

I also accidentally gave a random old lady who lost incorrect directions back into town and I only realised about ten minutes later as I was thinking to myself: That's not the way back into town... is it? Oh fuck. I am so bad at explaining directions and it's been over four hours since that happened but I can't stop thinking about it.

Also my best friend tried to call me before the performance began and so I texted him explaining that I was at the theater and I couldn't talk now. He then texted, "Why no talk?" (Because voice to text fucked up) and so I dialed his number... Keep in mind that I am sat inside the theater between three of my friends, but anyways I call him and I very aggressively shout "I'm in the theater, you dumb fuck. Call me later." And I thought nothing of this because you know normal best friend shenanigans but did I looked over at my other friend as she leaned away from me with a horrified look on her face and only then did I realize that that probably didn't sound normal, what I just did. I mean it made sense to me, someone who had the full context.

Also the actors were brilliant, the set was so cool, they had blood coming out of the blade whenever Sweeney killed someone with it and I won't spoil what happens in case you haven't seen anything of it but would like to... I am a sucker for a good tragedy. I like dark yet comedic stories with songs full of cannabalism jokes. It was so perfect and I loved it so much. This was such an incredible tragedy and it really was just a work of art. The ending was beautiful (as in it was well done, not that it was incredibly joyful because it was not. I think like five characters survive and two of them were police officers that show up for two scenes and have no lines) and I understand why it is loved by so many.

So glad that I got the chance to see it. Seriously though, I cannot stop thinking about the whole thing especially that ending. Also some of the comedy throughout this was genuinely so hilarious. Even the parts that weren't written specifically to be comedic but that I just found funny. For example, when the pie shop owner (I forget her name) is talking to Sweeney and he's just sat there, completely dissociating as he stares off into the distance or when the two of them are looking for the character Tobias and the pie shop owner is saying in a very sweet yet concerned voice that she's not going to hurt him and Sweeney is giving the completely opposite energy as he snarls the line (or something along it): "We're not going to hurt you, boy." And he's walking quickly across the stage with the blade held tight in his hand like yeah, real convincing.

It was just so fucking incredible and definitely an experience and will not forget.

[wivendev]

Major News! New Admin: 🍌

Hello Wiven Community! I have some major announcements about the current state of Wiven and its direction! I’ll focus on five major key points for the changes happening right now in Wiven.

New Social Media Manager!: That's right! Wiven has just added its new and most recent member to the Wiven team, a Social Media Manager! Currently, I’m writing this article so I will introduce myself! I’m 16 years old and in 10th grade. I have always had a love for writing, making content on YouTube, and as of now am trying to create a channel on YouTube! I also have a sweet little doggy named Daisy and I love her very much! I met Melcat248 about 3 years ago in 8th grade but we didn’t talk much. Moving into 9th grade we had our first interaction and he showed Wiven. I was amazed at the creation and throughout that year he kept showing me more and more of Wiven, I was hooked! Now in 10th grade, I’m so excited to be working on this project alongside my friend so we can make Wiven a place for Scratchers alike to enjoy! I hope you will accept me with open arms as the new Social Media Manager for Wiven!

Wiven Development: Wiven’s development is coming along smoothly. Currently, the game is 7.3% of the way done with lots more to add! I can’t spoil too much of what is to come but maybe a “Week of the Leak” can? That right! Wiven is going to be posting each week (give or take) a “leak” of something in Wiven! It will happen every Saturday so make sure to be on the lookout. This can be a sneak “leak” of a game, a UI update, or just a funny picture!

Wiven’s Current State: Wiven’s current state is still very barebones. It currently consists of two games. These games are “Welcome to Wiven” and “Peaceful Home”. Also as of now Wiven has dropped its “Recoded” branding and adopted a path that many other game companies follow. Wiven is going to follow a path of Alpha, then Beta, then Full Release. Alpha Stage is a time for the code to be cracked down on and make sure the game functions! This stage of branding is from 0.01 to 0.1. Beta Stage is a time to implement extra games, main features, and all the other ideas planned for Wiven for its full release. This stage of branding is from 0.11 to 0.99. Finally, we have the Full Release Stage which is when the game will become fully available for all players on Scratch. Of course, this is going to happen way down the line of other things so don’t get your hopes up just yet!

Wiven’s community.: To help better connect with the community Wiven will be implementing community voting for games, game testers, and community day! We want to make sure Wiven is the best possible game it can be and we can only do that with your help! Game voting will allow you to vote for what Wiven game should be focused on in its next major update. Game testers will allow you to play Wiven in its beta stage and knock out any bugs so it can be fully released! Community Day is a day we give back to you! This will include free Wux from all the characters thanking you for playing and the history of the people who have helped Wiven become what it is today! Of course, I can’t spoil too much but I will say Melcat248 wants to work with the community a lot so anything can happen! 

The Future of Wiven.: The future of Wiven is hard to say at a time like this. Currently, 2 games out of the 24 have been worked on. The events, clothing items, tech, mobile version, translations, awards, and multiplayer have still not even been touched. This thread along with our Discord will become way more active and we hope to reach out to many creators, scratchers, game enthusiasts, and your average Joe! I can assure you that the Melcat248 is working tirelessly to get these planned items done but it’s hard! Thank you, Scratchers, I can’t wait to see you again very soon. Have an amazing day! Bam out!

[multicolorlou]

Nails (Game AU self insert)

Summary: Matthew Lillard!William notices your shoddily done nails and offers to pay for you to get them done professionally.

Author's Note: This includes some dirty conversation, some self deprecation (not in a kinky way), and mentions of not having a lot of money

@truecobblepot this was a headcanon I had I wanted to tell you but since you were asleep I just wrote a whole fic ❤️

It was another normal day at work, Kellen tapped away at her keyboard. As manager, it was part of her job to write up the company newsletter for her particular location. It was especially important considering it was the headquarters of Fazbear Entertainment. She was working right under Afton and Emily themselves.

This month she was going over some of the new performance tapes that were going to be distributed and the troubleshooting that may need to happen if issues arose. They didn't very often, but occasionally those two geniuses would miss something small.

As she worked away, the door to her small office opened, and in stepped the boss-man himself… well, one of them.

"Good morning, Mr. Afton."

She said jokingly, they were already beyond a romantic relationship at this point, but the formalities amused them.

"I brought you coffee." He placed it down on the table as he kissed the top of her head.

"Ah, disgusting, black coffee." Kellen joked, smiling up at him, "I'm joking, thank you, Will."

He leaned against her desk, "What were you up to last night? Usually I get a call from you."

She lifted her hand, showing off her freshly painted red nails. "I was doing my nails!" The paint work was somewhat sloppy and there wasn't anything special about them, but she seemed proud enough, so he smiled.

"I thought girls usually went and got them done." He pondered.

"Well, girls with money do, I can't be spending that kind of money, especially with how indecisive I am." She chuckled, "I haven't had my nails done since prom."

He smirked, she seemed so young to be reminiscing like that. "So, what, two years ago?" He teased her, earning a playful flick.

"Hey, now, I'm not that young." She laughed, turning in her swivel chair to face him. "Man I even got my toenails done, usually I'd think that was a waste of money."

He chuckled, seeming deep in thought. "Is that just not your thing or?"

"Oh, no, I love going and doing it…. As you can tell I'm kind of awful at doing it myself… I just… you know…" She seemed to be getting embarrassed that she couldnt afford a luxury most girls had. "Sorry you gotta see these awful things, but it gives me the illusion of classiness." She gestured with her hand, quickly burying her nails in her lap, now self conscious.

"Oh, hon, I didn't mean to make you feel bad, they look great."

"No, no, I know they're not the best, I just figure most people won't look past the color anyways." She feigned a chuckle and started typing again, her mood more melancholy.

William hesitated for a moment, but then spoke up. "Say, what if I paid for you to go get your nails done?"

She blushed a little, looking down at her lap. "You don't need to do that-"

He shrugged, "Just think of it as a bonus, you work so hard after all."

She shook her head, giggling a little, "Don't spoil me!"

"All I ask is you get them done purple, just so you remember who paid for them." He smirked, running a hand through her hair, he gently tilted her head up. Her face went completely red now.

"Ah- yes- sir."

He seemed pretty proud of himself, "Good girl." He let go of her head and rubbed her shoulder a little. "I can't wait to see those nails next time they're wrapped around my-"

"William!" She butted in, stopping him, she was absolutely mortified- not to say she wasn't enjoying the idea.

"Sorry, sorry…" He was definitely not sorry, not by the way he swaggered out of her office, smug and confident with what he had done. "Just stop by and grab my card before you go get them done… and make sure to stop and… show me." He winked, closing the door.

[theillegalpundealer]

I watched Twisted last night and enjoyed it, what StarKid musical should I watch next?

OOOO ALRIGHT oh boy oh howdy I get to talk about this >:)

I’m actually decently new to starkid, so I might not be the best authority on this, but it kind of depends on what sorta stuff you like! Currently I’m really into the hatchetfield series, which consists of the guy didn’t like musicals, black friday, the nightmare time series (which isn’t really like a musical and was produced over zoom over covid but still entertaining!!), and nerdy prudes must die. The hatchetfield series has a lot of eldritch horror and lore, and with the classic starkid humor so if youre into that stuff it’s a great place to go next! Tgwdlm is an absolute masterpiece, and a must watch in my opinion, blackbfriday wasn’t my most favorite musical or anything but still very entertaining, and nerdy prudes must die is currently my fav musical :))

If you want more standalone starkid stuff, a very potter musical is a riot, and just makes fun of the series for so long? It’s great lol another good one is firebringer, basically cavemen the musical lol, Oregon trail is a classic and is basically a comedy musical of the Oregon trail game, there’s one about Batman that seems fun, I don’t know tooo much about that one though, and there’s also one I’m desperately trying to not spoil myself on about spies called spies are forever, no idea what goes on in it but apparently it’s heart wrenching??? Idk lol

So yeah! Mostly personal preference, there’s more starkid stuff too, but those are the ones I’m familiar with/like :))) my overall recommendation would be the guy who doesn’t like musicals though, it doesn’t really have much eldritch horror (in the musical itself the lore is a different story) more alien ish stuff but god the concept is so fun and it’s so well done and the songs are all bangers

[thebarontheabyss]

I am ashamed to say my taste hasn't changed since I was a teenager. I would have loved this if it was a paperback. But what I love about Interactive fiction is that I can control the narrative after sobbing for hours over stupid MCs in books who pissed me off so I actually really like this.

I simply wanted to say I hope you take care of yourself during the writing process. I noticed you are quite fast with updates and fixing errors and that's great but please don't overwork yourself. Such great books get canceled because talented people take on too much. Remember you are only human (which made me giggle writing because of the premise of this game)

I have questions:

1. Will you in future be making mood boards or maybe just more detailed descriptions of the ROs such as likes/dislikes or personality traits/esthetics?

2. You mentioned there will be sexual and romantic/poly options aswell. Is MCs sexual orientation gonna be an issue or talk point in any of the routes? I'm following a IF where if you are a same gender MC the topic comes up if it's new to a certain RO. which I think is cool if it's done well without all the hate and pitchforks from simple minded people.

3. As for asks is there anything you are uncomfortable answering? I know alot of pages do NSFW asks or prohibit them or do certain scenario asks (the what if/ reactions from RO asks)

I hope none of my questions are too much if it is just feel free to skip them please I don't want you to spoil too much if you would rather not.

My perspective on the romance options are that you are spoiling us. In the end it comes down to romancing:

1. Death which is like wtf I doubt it's in his usual routine to date.

2. Doing a devilish fboy route who you will try to fix and teach emotions. God knows we've all tried that in high school.

Or

My personal hell 3. A forbidden angsty make you want to tell your MC to get it tf together route aka try not to fall for someone with a pulse when you lack one.

I'm very invested in this. Seriously I adore fantasy games usually ones with a darker take but I love slice of life anime so this is the best of both worlds for me.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

First of all - THANK YOU for taking the time with this detailed response. I can't say how much i appreciate it! Before diving into your points I'll note on my quick progress with the story so far, I really get it! This story came to me after 6 years of being in writer's block, so it kind of feels like a dam has broken and this is the result lol. But I'm definitely taking care of myself - just that instead of playing Baldur's Gate 3 all day this is what I'm doing lol. Now to some answers! 1. I'll definitely will come up with a RO board in the near future, i was also wondering if I should use AI art for it but I am kind of new to this scene and really don't want the pitchforks my way so I haven't decided yet 2. As of now, instead of picking an actual orientation the player can just pick the genders of the romance options and then decide to themselves how they feel about them (with 3 romance options and 1 for friendship) i think that's the best way to include everyone. Also, want to add that each romance option will have 2-3 endings so romance or friendship paths can go in different ways. 3. Fine with answering everything! This story is currently not going to have explicit sexual content (but also not fade-to-black. I guess when I cross the bridge I'll decide) I will say that I'm going to update here often BUT don't want the tumblering to take over the actual writing process (as I see some of the creators here do lol) Happy to hear you are excited about the romances like i do! I also have thought of adding more, maybe even with the staff (although that's a minefield to navigate when you consider the power imbalances) I guess it will depend on the feedback. Again, thank you for this response. It made me smile like an idiot!

[bots-and-cons]

Haha fuck this...

Venting, ranting, whatever

I've been trying to get my brother T (who lives with me) to go somewhere else for the weekend so I can get some peace. He was supposed to go to our mom's place, because he hasn't been there for a while and there's space there. Our dad is basically done moving to his parents' house, which is much smaller than the house he previously lived in, so there's no space to sleep at my dad's, but take a wild fucking guess where my brother decided to go? He went to our dad's because he can only stay there tonight before they move the rest of the stuff tomorrow, and he doesn't want to be away from his computer the whole weekend. In my opinion he's way too addicted to his games and also actual gambling, so that's fucking fun.

I've basically been arguing with him for the last two days about him needing to give me some alone time, so I can get school stuff done and relax a bit, without having to be around him all the time. I have to mask (haha, autism fun) around my brother all the time, which is fucking exhausting and even my best friend said I look like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and I couldn't really argue with that. I'm so fucking tired, and I'm honestly considering kicking him out. He's a selfish, spoiled brat, who thinks everything has to be done for him and he litereally can't do anything himself. He's 18, and he can't even do the dishes properly.

To be fair, some of it is my fault, I've been going too easy on him for the last year he's been living with me and he's gotten used to having to do very little. I hate that he doesn't do things properly and I'd rather do them myself than have them done badly or wrong. I'm also very aware that this is a manipulation tactic, because he knows I'll do the things he doesn't, because I can't stand things being done badly/wrong.

My best friend thinks I should kick him out for the sake of my own mental health, and I can't really say I disagree. I do well alone, I don't need to mask when I'm alone at home and I'm free to do things my own way and when I want to do them. The problem is, I'm too fucking nice. He probably wouldn't survive on his own, he can't live at our dad's, because there's no space there. My brother T doesn't want to live at our mom's either, because our youngest siblings live there and as he says, "I wouldn't get any peace".

Every time I suggest he should go somewhere else for the weekend, he basically tells me "WhY dOn't yOu go SomWherRe eLsE?". This is my fucking apartment, he just gets to live here because he doesn't want to live anywhere else. He has very little empathy, which in itself isn't a bad thing, but combine that with his selfishness and it's an incredibly bad combo. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, and he thinks I should be his servant or something.

I'm honestly so exhausted that I'm not even angry. I just want to sleep for a week or something. I have school next week, (Monday and Tuesday) and I need some rest before that. If he gets our other brother to bring him back tomorrow, I'm gonna tell him to fuck off and go somewhere else for one night.

My mom is coming over very soon, so I get to talk this over with her, and there's probably gonna be a lot of crying, but at least I can talk with her.

[kqtmansmokeschronic]

holy shit

3 weeks of editing and basically 2 years of game play to get the best clips edited in the very best way and holy shit the montage is so close to done there is only room for 1 more clip and i just have to wait for my guy to be able to send to me and as bad as i want him to just see it because its so good its TOO good to spoil i cant show him it unfinished i need him to see it completely finished so he can experience the the little mini movie event that ive put together in just under 4 min i did so much editing and touched up the clips themselves even to make sure none looked dull or flat and i brightened up night time clips and etc etc etc i just want this video to be perfect cause i think of it as a legacy in a silly way in however many years we'll be able to look back and go "remember that time we started getting pretty good at beach aw in gta online?" and just having the proof to myself and not having to rely on memory and being able to relive those things, thats really what i think the channel is all together, i never made it to be a big youtber i made is for personal prosperity and now its just in prosperity for me and my guy. Our channel is just going to be a little section of memories and as much as i love gta its why i want to post other stuff too because i feel like eventually a large amount of memories and things will be had uploading different things and being able to capture that is really precious. I couldnt do that in my childhood, what i would give to have streams of me when i was little playing crash bandicoot with my sisters or spyro the dragon. I have these really faint flashes of memory but not much else and i wish i could just have those moments preserved like me and him do right now. I think im gunna start really doing different things with the channel now that im fully realizing this just uploading whatever we wantg to anything and eveyrthing because i basically just want it to be a time capsule and i know i know "youtube is a private service its not guaranteed your videos will always be there" okay we'd lose some stuff a little bit of raw footage here and there and we'd lose most of the streams but all the public videos on the channel i have backed up to a hard drive and now that im also realizing that in context i'll need a hard drve to start backing up the raw footage of streams to preserve those in perpetuity as well. Growing up we had photo albums that was like your definitive little book of memories but you can have so much more now, you can have almost every part of a person you can have their face and their voice and their presence you can re live those moments without having to try as hard as you can to remember and human memory sucks and is flawed you dont remembers things how you think you do, you think its like finding a file on a computer and putting it away but the brain doesnt work like that every time you remember something you remember the last time you remembered it. So the more often you remember something the likely it is details to change but it can make entire scenarios change because everytime you've remembered it you're altering the file its like your pulling up the file, trying to copy it really quick, we're human so we have certain tendencies and those play out subconsciously, copying the file and adding your extra human brain goo smudges to it and putting it back and very time you remembers it this happens those smudges build up more and more god damn i nailed that metaphor lets go OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH's in the chat folks

[szycee]

AS TOLD BY HER FOOTPRINT

On a cold night in a sparkly season, an autonomous girl was born named Kristelle Joyce P. Tambio also known as Elle. I was born on December 24, 2004 in Pasuquin, Ilocos Norte. My mother’s name is Mylene Tambio, she is from Caloocan City and my father’s name is Albert Tambio, he is from Davao Del Sur. I have 4 siblings and I am the youngest daughter. Hannah Louisse Victoria is the eldest sister, Dustyne Philip the eldest brother, Raine Jewelle is the middle child and Albert Leanard is my youngest brother. I do not remember much of my early childhood,but according to my mom and dad I was a mischievous and bubbly kid.  I would do anything just to get what I want, a spoiled but not a brat. I had a happy yet traumatic childhood.

 I started school when I was five years old. I took my elementary education at Cababaan Elementary School from grade 1 to 3. In 2014, I transferred to another school because my family decided to start a new life in the city. I continued studying in Camarin Elementary School and enjoyed my journey as a transferee student until I graduated. At the age of 14, I was passionate about dancing and writing. My grade 7 teacher helped me to enhance my skills and I also discovered that I am capable of being a leader in our class. But unfortunately, my enthusiasm was gone.

They said challenges and difficulties are a necessary part of our life. I’ve been through a lot. I got bullied for being the top 1 in our class, but at a very young age, I promised to myself to be fearless and resilient. That's why I overcame those struggles and life must go on. 

Years passed, I graduated from JHS and I had to face a new journey - life during and after the pandemic. I once was lost because of the things I never expected would happen to me one day and that is to experience depression. Melancholy, misery, hatred, regrets, nightmare and sorrow; the feelings that I don't want to feel again. After all the pain, suffering and heartbreak, I gave up. One event that influenced who I am today is, I gave up believing that my life is miserable. I take the plunge - best decision I have made. I encouraged myself to remember who I once was—a cheerful, soft-hearted person.I finally accepted myself. After all the hardships, it taught me to be independent. To be the best version of myself no matter what happens. To know what I am capable of. That you have to stand up because that’s how life is.  

After the pandemic, life had changed. It’s not easy to meet new people because of the life that I have experienced. Eventually, I found this circle that gave me comfort. A friendship that surely will last.  One of the most memorable days of my life was when I unexpectedly met this fascinating man. He became my boyfriend. He's the reason why I am not afraid to love, explore and enjoy the things that the world can offer. Despite the struggles in life, I always choose to survive. 

One phrase that I’ll never forget is “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. I firmly believe that being fearless will make you stronger. So, this is how my story ends. I've done well and bad; I've erred and been egotistical. I'm not the ideal woman that I set out to be. I might not ever be that person. In my own life, I'm fearless and that's how I've always been. That then sums up who I am.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Another Ocean of Demos

Still working through the Next Fest, at least partly because I got very little sleep last night (sometimes my sleeping patterns just fuck themselves up; another consequence of the fibro, yay) and I figured some poking around before work might get my brain into some kind of gear. [Edit: this waited until after I was done work to post; I thought about adding any I play tonight to the list but then thought, nah, it's been a rough week and I don't need the pressure, even self-imposed.]

Cook For Love: Some cooking games are my jam; others are too much in love with the physics for me to handle well. Cook For Love is simple on the mechanics, nicely hand-drawn, and just generally cute. Definitely going to be getting that one.

Hexaroma: This one combines the mechanics of Terrascapes and Pan'orama, and has a nice chunky art style that makes it stand out on its own. Plus you can pick biomes or choose at random, so desert one game, tundra the next, and so on. Yeah, that one's a keeper.

Bubumbu: Hidden object game with a difference. Simple, but effective and Zen enough for me, for sure.

A Shelter Full of Cats: Look, anything from Devcats is in general a yes from me. I like hidden object games, and I love cats, and Devcats games provide me both, while also working to raise awareness of things like Trap, Neuter, Release and the importance of adopting rather than shopping for a cat. Anyway, their games not being that expensive anyway, I'm definitely throwing money at this one when it comes out. That and A Building Full of Cats 2 coming out next year.

So, this has been a rough week. New Girl was off the last couple of days and it appears that Temp takes over New Girl's role as Laziest Sod In The Office when New Girl is off. And honestly, while I try to be mindful of spoiling other people, I am very, very glad I got a couple of spoilers for this week's drop of TLOVM episodes before I sat down and watched them. Not to spoil, seriously, but ... there's some changes I can't handle when I'm already not at my best. I'll wait until I know one way or another whether that's resolved. (I am not complaining about their decision, mind you - that's their call and I get why. I just personally cannot do that to myself right now.)

I hurt. A lot. I did not sleep well. I am tired of having my takeaway ordering options be so fucking limited. This country scares me. Hell, this planet scares me. Scares and depresses and enrages and there's just too much need to scream just now. This is definitely not a night to go back to Silent Hill.

Well-wishes gratefully received. I am not a hugely tactile person and y'all're a little far away for hugs anyway, but damnit, a little help in remembering the awesome in the world (because you all are, by the way) seems a necessary thing right now.

...What might also help are adorable animals. Cats, dogs, rats, ferrets, otters, and raccoons are personal favourites. I may have to dig through my Emergency Cute Supply tag anyway.

[wyverndragonborn]

My personal review of Sea Of Solitude

I really don't review games very often, and this is the first time I've done so completely unprompted (This review will likely contain spoilers). I played this game on Switch, in English. Everything from the scenery to the controls to the voice acting was perfect. I'm an absolute sucker for collectibles, so the bottled messages and seagulls definitely added something for me. Along with that, the messages added to the story itself, the background of the character we play. The narrative is powerful and emotional, and it really hit close to home for me. It's not often that a game makes me cry but this one managed it multiple times throughout.

(Note I'm adding part way through writing the next part- I am really trying to make this good but my brain is deciding to be a little robot monkey playing cymbals instead of working :/ apologies if part of this is mid)

(This is turning into more of a summary than a review-)

[Spoilers start here, it's up to you whether you read past this but initially not knowing added a lot for me tbh. I got this game just because it looked neat and I felt I would like it.]

I loved that I didn't know right away what was going on. In most games I prefer to know what I'm doing but this just felt right. A journey that I'm stumbling through until I get my bearings. My favorite part of the first level is definitely the school. You get to know what your brother is feeling, and, for me at least, it makes you angry. You have to help him. The entire time you're trying to get to him you hear the words the bullies flung at him and it pushes you forward. And next to that is guilt. Getting to know through the storyline that you let this happen without even knowing it.

Part of what hit so close to home is that I myself am an older sibling with parents who can't stand each other anymore- and I've felt the guilt that this game tackles at points. The idea that if it wasn't for me, they could have left each other whenever they wanted. There was a rift between the mother and father characters in this game. They couldn't communicate, the father was so focused on getting enough money to keep his family happy that he couldn't see how unhappy they were. The mother was exhausted and lonely, and couldn't even speak to him about it without him being upset (going off of in-game dialog). They were both tired. They didn't know what to do. They just turned it into anger.

You end up in the same position as the character's mother. Walking on eggshells with someone you're supposed to love. And you just keep trying to help them. You keep trying to tell yourself everything is fine. Telling yourself that you're the problem.

One thing I knew I wanted to mention in this is how it starts to feel at a point. I'm not great with numbers or keeping track of what chapter I'm on though. You start to feel tired, emotionally, from helping the people you knew. And I don't mean that in a bad way at all. It feels right for the topic. You have done so much to try and help, but you can't join the people you've helped. You're still separated. And you start to wonder if your fear, that horrible monster that blocks your path, is right. Maybe you can't fix it all. Maybe it's pointless. But you continue on anyway.

Ultimately, you need to help yourself.

Over all, I cannot overstate how much I love this game. I can definitely see myself replaying it, which isn't something I usually do for games without a lot of endings. I would recommend it to anyone who likes emotional narratives, exploration, and games with monsters. Absolute 10/10. End of the game was spoiled a bit by my brother who can't take anything seriously though, so best played alone or in serious company.

[whyispotatoheadalreadytaken]

The more I play The Last of Us, the more I see myself in Ellie, almost in a scary way. She's way more of a badass than I ever could be (or ever will be) but it's everything else. I'm eating, sleeping, and drinking The Last of Us everything. I dream of packing my pink hoodie and green jacket into my backpack and throwing it over my shoulder. I'm sprinting away from infected and hunters and fighting to keep my loved ones alive. I see the triangle button in my dreams to pick shit up, like a guitar, and x to strum it. I wish I had had this story earlier. I wish it hadn't been tainted by Sams all those years ago. I just started the second game a little while ago. Sean let me borrow his PS4 and bought the second game for me because of how much I loved the first one and Left Behind. He has never played the second game because some of it got spoiled, and he got mad about some of the events and decided not to play it. Which is lame. He gave me the game on our way up to Cincinnati as we left for Hawaii. I tucked it away in the car and fell asleep with it in my hands on our way back. I started it as soon as I got home from my class that night. He told me the events would upset me, and here I am thinking something fucking terrible happens that will make me not want to play because I'll be traumatized after. That wasn't the case. I already knew the spoiler he was talking about cuz, thanks Twitter, but I didn't know how it happened. This game is probably 20x more graphic than the first, which is kind of the point. This big thing happens in the game, which sets Ellie on a literal rampage. She just destroys and murders everyone. Which is not the Ellie we knew in the first game. Granted, she was just a kid and isn't a kid anymore. Joel does something similar in the first game. Still, for different reasons, it is interesting that even with different reasons, both are due to traumatic events. Which is also the point. One done out of love and one done out of revenge…but also because love?????...and guilt? Ellie never forgives him for it, but I guess it's okay when she does it???

The game actually flips in perspectives, which infuriated Sean because he didn't want to play the game as "the bad guys." But, when you play as "the bad guys", you start to see they aren't bad guys. They are just massively hurt and want to avenge their people. They are just people who have bad things happen to them, so they choose to do bad things in return. I can't entirely agree with it, and I really wish they hadn't, but here we are. And because they choose to do bad things in return, Ellie is now a bad guy. There's a very upsetting hardness to her now after everything she's been through. She doesn't tell jokes, or hum to herself, or anything at all really. You know slightly more than Ellie, so when the game forces you to kill certain people, you find yourself screaming at the TV, and pleading with her to stop…because she doesn't know what she's doing. It's awful, and you wish she would accept the bad thing that happened, stop putting her partner in constant danger, and go home. You keep hoping she'll realize that killing all these people to get to the one person you're trying to kill will not make it better. There is nothing she can do to "make it right." Heal, build a life with her, and be happy. The unfortunate thing is that Ellie and the person she's trying to kill would have been best friends in another life. They are the same. I want them to use their words, apologize, hug it out, and be friends forever. But I know it isn't going to go that way. I know Ellie won't stop until she gets revenge. One of them will die, and I have a feeling it isn't going to be Ellie. But I don't want the person she's trying to kill to die either. So, I'm very conflicted as I play, and I need to know how it ends, but I can't play as much as I'd like because I have minimal free time this month. Thanks, school. But I appreciate the message of the game. Violence begets violence. The cycle of revenge will continue as long as it is enacted. There's more to people, and it's hard to hate them up close. Sometimes we don't have all of the pieces. Anyway. I know this means nothing to you, but it's been really important to me, and it feels wrong to not write about it. So, that's for indulging me.

[notmuchtoconceal]

gosh, bro. i am remembering this time when we were like -- sixteen and your dad just corners you in the kitchen and starts screaming at you that he knows you hate him and he wants you to tell him.

bro, i had to fuckin listen to your dad bitch to your mom about how oh, his kids hate him, his kids hate him, his kids -- uh huh. who's fault is that? why don't you come talk to us? why don't you, like -- do anything? why the fuck didn't it occur to me to ask these questions fifteen years ago?

bro, and as he's screaming, i'm just sitting there, not even responding. like, holy fuckin shit, bro. i spent -- i legitimately spent most of the time just turning myself off, i don't even remember. that isn't my life. that was my life for so long and it isn't anymore, but this is what i know. don't show any emotion. don't ever get invested. don't say anything, there is no right thing to say, and no point to saying -- and at this moment, bro.

bro, at this moment, i'm not thinking any of that, i am just thinking. no. i understand. you acted that way for all those reasons. all those reasons that i know. all those reasons that i explained and and i saw with my own eyes and i don't hate you and we could move past you hurting me if you would accept you did. i sat there. i sat there and i took it. i sat there and i took and i forgave you for what you did. it's okay. we can move past it now. i don't hate you. you want me to hate you. you want me to hate you so you can stop trying because you hate me and you want me to make it easy. it's not easy enough for you, slacking off on all of your duties. you need me to either tell you the bad job you're doing is okay or you need me to let you know that i'm unreasonable. i can assure you. that will never happen. i am always reasonable. in every situation. this day and each day to come. forever and ever. as you were never.

you're perfectly adequate. you're perfectly less than adequate. there is little about you which stands out. you're trying your best and it's not very. maybe you're not. maybe you'd need to try something new to try your best, but you won't, so I don't know what to tell you. I can't be enthusiastic about everything you do if it's this embryonic, you should go find somebody more flattering to your sensibility. I don't know what to tell you? Would you like me to sit here and pretend you're not insipid and repulsive to me? Would faking my love make you happy? Are you really so insensitive that you could sit here and mistake a fawning lechery for something sincere? What would my lies really give you? You're not really the man you're asking me to tell you you are, and you know it. Do you need support? Encouragement? Did you need to live the lie for a bit to know you can, or do you intend to keep up the ruse forever?

You see, there's no mystery to you, for I feel I know all that you're about, yet I look to you and know that I can't, for I have no interest at all. There is a level of boredom which moves past insipid to painful. It's that which we intuitively glance away from. To behold you diminishes me. Your company is defilement. You are a waste of time and oxygen. You deserve to be with somebody for whom your existence is not a constant reminder that life could be beautiful if only we were free. There really are people out there who might love you, but they're not me. That you want me when we're not to be and I want nothing of you is proof enough that we shouldn't. It would spoil us both, we who are gifts intended for another. I'd hate to give the game away, but you're no fun at all you see, for I'm always reading you the rules, and I'd rather find another pro with whom to play games within games, as there is always more to do when you have done so much before. There are cute lil girls who can curl up with pamphlets in bed all night long, I'm sure. She'll snug you and she'll sing you and read you bedtimes all sunshine long! Go to her, she cares for you, those cow-eyes wide and true. That desperation is not yours, why surely loveling's tender moments push carcasses to shore. You've done nothing wrong, in fact you've done nothing right at all! I have no cause to blame you when you are no cause at all -- these route repetitions always clamber back, you know, to places narrower and small.

[myvoicenottheoneyougiveme]

To say the words “I have no future”, is not a play being made or a bluff to be called. It’s a choice you are making, not me.

I am not the gatekeeper on my own person. There is nothing for human connection when I’m not the one connecting. My life is not mine to live. Someone else is living it for me. And burning it, when it suits them, which is most all the time.

I’ve already said enough at length for why “this” can’t be even under the best of circumstances. All connections, all exchanges, all disclosure, ...they don’t happen. They don’t exist. Whatever it is, with whoever, they already know. There is nothing for the sharing. There is no connection to be made. It’s not being made with me.

But that’s a delusionally optimistic appraisal of what’s happening here. If it’s not just spoiling every connection that could ever be, it’s distorting and intentionally reframing anything and everything in the greatest display of mental gymnastics there ever was, to fit some kind of pathology that serves to justify what’s being done. And if it’s not doing that? It’s simply breaching my personal boundaries as a human being.

Simple, is a misleading word. The level of stalking here, is profound and malicious by its very nature. Stalking. An act of interpersonal violence. So putting aside everything “this” does intentionally on a daily basis, take then just the very act of breaching every level of my life and person even into the absolute MOST intimate spaces. Doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. I could be on the toilet. I could be whispering in my sleep. I could be humming something in the shower. I could be looking at something on the internet. What I’m watching. What I’m playing. What I’m saying. What I’m doing, everything. All hours, everywhere, and you can’t not jam yourself in edgewise.

And then you dare to come at me like “this” is all for my own benefit. Like “this” is benevolent. Like "this” unjustifiable act of violence, in and of itself, weren’t absolutely chilling and deleterious to my health in every measure.

My only recourse, if I want to ever dare have personal space, if I ever want to take a simple breath again without thinking about it, if I ever want to stretch out emotionally into a space around me that isn’t being engorged on by you (and attacked besides), is to set and keep personal boundaries in ways I never realized I was capable of. It’s for me to shut the doors you kick open--that you spill through. It’s for me to cut out every last person that can’t respect those boundaries. It’s for me to close the door on every toxic person I encounter. Every manipulative one. Every person playing these games. Every person with their double-speak and “induced conversation”.

It is because I have held onto people in my life, despite all of “this”, that I have found myself bruised and battered. It is all of these connections, every shred of my life I wasn’t willing to let go of, that is the means to “this” abuse. Setting personal boundaries in this “narcissistic storm” has required more of me than any account of such things I’ve ever heard or read. Expecting the worst, expecting to say goodbye to most everyone I ever knew... “this” is even greater than that. Personal boundaries in “this” Orwellian nightmare, means not just letting go of everyone I know and everyone I could ever meet, but it means dying inside to every hope and expectation I could ever have of others. It’s more insidious than just saying goodbye to this person or that person.

To have bounds, to have homeostasis, to have a door that when shut actually means anything, to have PERSONAL SPACE at all--one simple thing that every one of you takes for granted--means cutting out every last person that breaches those bounds (whether themselves or by way of our lady and savior) and dying to social contact itself--every hope and expectation of others.

I am breached. I am violated. I am run over. I am pierced. I am enveloped. I am eaten alive. So long as I expect humanity from people, then this perpetual state of being and all of the chronic stress it induces--all of the costs mentally and emotionally--will never change.

The only way to nullify the abuse is to destroy the door.

Something’s always told me that’s a one-way trip, but somehow something else I can’t explain has come from being pushed this far--from being strangled this pervasively. But whatever hope I could ever see from feeling a hold on me slipping, despite every escalation you’ve ever made to retain a level of power over me, seems to me like it won’t matter in the end.

It doesn’t matter how I might grow from “this”, like all those survivors of narcissistic abuse can attest to, if the scenario is not one of having successfully starved out a parasite when all is said and done. If someone has made it their mission in life to erase me from my own life and ensure that there is no tomorrow for me, then what the hell does acknowledging that reality have to do with something I’m feeling or something I’d like anyone to heed? 

A recognition of reality, of a choice someone else is making, of something someone else is doing, of something I have no say in, is not a play to even be made by me. And it’s not a bluff to be called by you.

I have no future.

There is no tomorrow.

That’s not a choice I’m making.

That’s a choice you’re making.

For me to let go and find any measure of peace in what is being done to me, is to accept that “this” is the way things are and that “this” will never change.

I struggle anymore to imagine a life lived, that isn’t a dead end. I could manage an end to the abuse in some measly shred of my existence, only to find a great cliff beyond that. If there’s a road, a timeline, a bridge to somewhere, then there is instead a great chasm like a black hole swallowing everything that could ever be. There is you waiting for me. There is “this” to ravage it all. 

That’s not a choice I’m making, not some state, or feeling, or sense of despair. It’s what you’ve decided for me. I am simply acknowledging a fact. “Suicidal”, or a bluff-like threat of it, has nothing to do with it.

I have no future.

I have you.

How that makes me feel, how “this” abuse makes me feel is beside the point.

The road ends. "This”, you are the end of it.