#I have discovered how effective mouse traps are against my will

[macadam]

Oh yeah I have been up in the forest and will not be back til June btw, if anyone was wondering why I didn’t respond to their message/tagged/ask. Internet is scarce up here

[huge-enthusiast]

Miraculous fic recomendations!!

This is just an excuse to show all my bookmarks? Yes. Yes, it is. I'm pretty sure most of this fics are really popular, but try see if you find something you didn't knew about!

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don't put the author's tumblr is because they didn't put it in the fic or/and I couldn't find it.

Pairing: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

knowing you by emsylcatac (they are not really the author of the fic but that's the account that says in the fic, the actual author doesn't have an account).

After dropping their transformations months ago, Marinette and Adrien see each other for the first time after being apart. They've both left too much unsaid and have to work to pick up the pieces of their confused hearts.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal but mostly ladynoir, light angst with happy ending.

the last day on earth by Reiaji

The first time Marinette sees Chat Blanc, she's fourteen years old. The second time, fifteen—the third time, seventeen.

The closer she grows to Adrien, the harder it is to save him.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal lovesquare, kinda heavy angst, hopeful ending.

tell me something i don't know by carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Do you think it still means something? To love someone, even if the universe said you had to?

The odds of having a soulmate are about negative one billion (or something like that). But somehow, like they always have, Marinette and Chat Noir find themselves together. They’re ready to finally tell each other everything, but it turns out that even soulmates have to keep secrets, and while their bond draws them together, duty forces them apart.

Chapters: currently 17/28 (WIPs can be exhausting but this one is 100% worth the wait!)

Mostly marichat but almost all of the lovesquare sides make an appearance, soulmates au, mostly fluff but it can get angsty if it wants to.

One Thing After Another by SKayLanphear

Marinette notices that, sometimes, Adrien acts a little out of the ordinary--like the time he stood in a cardboard box for no reason, or when he actually hissed at Nino. It's only when she starts to notice the similarities between Adrien and a certain feline that she begins to get suspicious.

Basically, Adrien acts like a cat when he probably shouldn't.

Chapters: 15/15

Mostly adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, miraculous side effects (by both sides wich is really cool!), it's fluff with a lil tiny angst for drama.

This would take some getting used to by Codango (@codango here on tumblr!)

Adrien peeked out from behind the chimney even as the magic of his own Chat Noir mask fell away.

She was still visible, her dark hair bobbing under the street lamps a couple blocks away.

“Marinette.”

Adrien blew out a confused breath. His fiery Ladybug… was the quiet little mouse who sat behind him in class?

“What. The.”

This… would take some getting used to.

Chapters: 8/8

Adrienette with one sided reveal by Adrien's part, awkward flirting, just fluff, nothing to worry about.

comfort food also by Reiaji!

In Marinette's house, cooking is a language of love, and Marinette loves Adrien more than most.

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette with a little of ladynoir, super super fluff, a lot of insight into Marinette's chinese heritage.

The right side of his face by walkingonthestars (@hamsternamedmarinette here on tumblr!)

Marinette and Adrien are able to remain in their new seats in the back of the room at the end of Chameleon.

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette, fluff with light angst.

it's a long way forward so trust in me by aloneintherain (@captainkirkk here on tumblr!)

“You’re not the only strong one around here, Chat,” Marinette said. She looked a little winded, but she wasn’t struggling to hold him up.

This close up, he could see the freckles on the bridge of her nose. He could see how that smug smile lit up her eyes. He could feel the strain of her arms—and wow, okay, he really wasn’t the only person around here with muscles.

Six times Marinette carried Adrien (plus one time he carried her).

Chapters: 1/1

All the sides of the lovesquare! Fluff with LOTS of mutual pining.

a fight that you were born to lose also by aloneintherain

When the prosecution starts throwing around the word victim in reference to Adrien, he has to stuff his hands under his thighs to keep himself from bolting out of the courtroom.

Adrien had felt unsafe during those last few weeks, but, until he had woken up and seen Father silhouetted in his bedroom doorway, that had only been paranoia. Father was controlling and cold, but he wasn’t hateful. Adrien was isolated. He was often hungry. And some weeks ago, when he had snuck out to visit Nino, sitting thigh-to-thigh on his bed while Adrien cried in that silent, crumbling way of his, he hadn’t argued when Nino put a hand on his shoulder and said, tentatively, That’s abuse.

But Adrien remembers being small and Father touching his hair after he’d aced another test; Father holding his scribbled drawings like they were something precious, and framing them around his office; Father, dressed as Hawkmoth, his eyes wild behind the mask, lashing his sword against Adrien’s baton; Father, collapsed against Mum, crying into her ashy hair.

Adrien finds out Gabriel is Hawkmoth, and Gabriel gets to bring his long-waited plan into action.

Chapters: 1/1

This one doesn't really focus in the ship that much as is an Adrien character study and an exploration of his relationship with his father, but they're still there so I put them here. Really heavy angst (this is one of this fics that haunt me in the middle of the night) with a happy ending. ❗TW: parental abuse, eating disorders❗

Supercut by LNC

Marinette loves her friends and Adrien can't deal.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal lovesquare, again light angst, an exploration of Adrien's insecurities, Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserves the world, happy ending.

Madame Snare by jettiebettie

“Sounds like a lot of work for nothing. She should take this as a sign to have a relaxing weekend with no responsibilities.”

“It's a lot of work she put her whole heart into. It wouldn't be right for it to go to waste,” Adrien whispers to him. The look on Marinette's face is enough to cause Adrien's own heart to ache. If anyone deserves the satisfaction and pride from a job well done, it's her.

“Too bad there isn't anyone else who can walk in those death traps,” Plagg says. Adrien hums in thought, tapping his chin.

“I could.”

Chapters: 1/1

Marichat, episode-based, Chat Noir in a dress!!!, light angst but it's mostly just idiots being idiots and a lot of fun.

in the same sun by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

"It’s hard to believe that I saw you last at the peak of summer, when the sun was close and warm - and so were you. It should go without saying that I miss you. I miss you something terrible."

//

"It’s been seven months to the day since I’ve seen you. I wish you were here more than anything else."

Two letters, signed with initials instead of names, found in Paris, France.

Chapters: 1/1

Ladynoir, just angst, that's it, written like letters. No ending, just pain.

an uncurtain discovery by Missnoodles (@ladyofthenoodle here on tumblr!)

When he returns from school on Wednesday afternoon, Adrien discovers the darkness in his own home. He struggles to come to terms with it. To his utter mortification and delight, Ladybug is nearby to rescue him.

(He does not discover that his father is supervillain. That will happen on a different Wednesday.)

Chapters: 1/1

Ladrien, it says it's crack, and don't get me wrong, is super funny, but I also found it sad as fuck?

An Open Secret by Kasienda

Adrien whirled around toward Marinette. She smiled at him.

He couldn’t smile back. He stared at her like the dumb blond model that he was often accused of being.

Something shifted in her expression. And her warm open Marinette smile transformed into Ladybug’s grin. He was looking at Ladybug right now.

He knew Ladybug’s name!

Her name was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

And he couldn’t say anything! Not to Marinette! Not even to Plagg, who had confided two weeks prior that Master Fu was growing increasingly paranoid since the location of his home and hideout had been compromised. Their master had apparently decided that Chat Noir and Ladybug would have to give up their miraculouses if they ever discovered each other’s identities.

It wasn’t fair!

...

A fic where they both know, but can't openly talk about it.

Chapters: 4/4

Post-reveal... but is it? Mostly adrienette and ladynoir, fluff with light angst and them being absolute idiots at hiding their secret identity.

golden (like daylight) by okayanna (@anna-scribbles here on tumblr!)

Friendship, Adrien decided, shaking off the mental image of Marinette’s hurricane eyes and hesitant mouth, parted in a small, careful “o.” He had a very strong friendship with Marinette. That was all.

or

Adrien thinks a lot about words, love, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Chapters: 1 + epilogue

Adrienette but has lots of ladynoir, another Adrien character study because I hate myself, it tries to not be angst but the writing will punch you in the guts and make you cry, it's so good.

Strangers in the Bright Lights by poodles (@ladybeug here on tumblr!)

Adrien is about two drinks in when he sees a girl at the end of the bar wearing black cat ears. It's kind of weird, so he watches her, and although it's crowded he can see her face when she turns around. She’s wearing a Chat Noir mask. He takes a quick look around- nobody else is wearing a mask. Just her.

Adrien finishes his gin martini and heads over to her. He could use some company tonight anyways, he hasn’t told anyone he’s back in Paris and Nathalie won’t arrive in town for another month. And it’s been a rough day, okay? A rough move! He’s not sure he wants to be back yet, and he spent most of the day in the Agreste mansion sorting through some photographs of his father he found in the study. Maybe he wants a drink and some stranger to tell him he’s pretty! That’s not a crime, is it?

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette but it's also ladrien??? I think??? It's super super angsty but they're both drunk the entirety of the fic so it's also really funny.

Pick-Up and Chase by also SKayLanphear

After she accidentally trips into Adrien and apologizes about "falling for him," Marinette learns that he's no match for cheesy pick-up lines--whether they were unintended or not. And while she finds it flattering that he turns into a flustered mess with only a few words, Marinette comes to regret making him uncomfortable. That is, until she learns he's Chat Noir. At which point the phrase "just deserts" becomes a permanent fixture in her everyday plans.

A story in which Adrien is flustered, Marinette is smooth as glass at dropping lines, and Chat Noir gets the romance he was always asking for--even if he doesn't quite know how to handle it.

Chapters: 10/10

Adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, it doesn't say it in the tags but I'm pretty sure the characters are much older than they actually are in the show, so much fluff and so much flirting.

Pairing: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe

Nino Has Done Nothing To Deserve This by GuardianKarenTerrier (@guardiankarenterrier here in tumblr)

It's nothing, really- just an innocent comment, a joke. But when they hear it, Nino and Alya come to a realisation.

There were, in retrospect, dozens upon dozens of hints. Now that they're suddenly aware of all their friend's flimsy excuses and rushed explanations, they're not only sure how they've missed it, they're not sure how anyone else has either. They realise that it had to be magic protecting their friends- and that same magic has ceased to work on the two of them.

Well, this means they'll just have to start watching over their friends themselves.

Chapters: 7/7

This is more a found family fic than anything else, Alya and Nino are the mom friend, has light angst but it's mostly identity shenanigans in the most bizarre way. ❗TW: eating disorders❗

christmas lights by demistories

Nino checks up and down the street, checking to make sure there’s no raging akuma headed his way before he crosses quickly and ducks inside the small café. He closes the door quickly before the icy air can blow inside and tugs his beanie down over his ears. He spots Alya sitting alone in the corner.

Chapters: 1/1

Just fluff!! Really short but really sweet.

hold on, i still want you also by Missnoodles!

Written for the @thedjwifizine ! Wich I also recommend if you wanna binge a lot of djwifi fics while also looking at amazing art!!!

Five times Alya ran into her ex, and the one time he stopped being her ex.

Chapters: 1/1

Light angst with a happy ending! I don't really like the ex-lovers to lovers trope but this one is the only exception.

I will continue to expand the list in the future! But by now I hope I was helpful in the search of new fics!

[xmyshya]

Shoved it: chapter II - Ollie

summary: You don’t like skaters. They’re unruly, misbehaved and rude. But this one encounter just might change your view. genre: fluff warnings: tooth-rotting fluff (seriously, make a dentist appointment), slow burn, mutual pining betas: @vanille–kiss​ as always I’m eternally grateful to you, I love you lots a/n: Written for ANILYSIUM (former HQHQ) Server Collab with the prompt “Meet Ugly”. Check the event’s masterlist here! series navi: masterlist | previous | next wc: 1.5k

It’s a nightmare. Everything must be just a bad dream, and soon you’re going to wake up. No more invading your sleep. No more being watched and followed through the halls. No more running, no more hiding, no more irritation.

But here’s the thing - it’s reality. And the Prince Charming from your nightly illusions still has those half-lidded olive eyes; the same eyes that meet yours at school and observe your every move. He’s everywhere you go, behind every corner, on every floor. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was in your closet.

Obviously it’s an exaggeration. While it’s true that you notice him more often than not, he’s also much taller than other students. His little circle of friends consists of really handsome boys, causing a commotion and squealing of the girls surrounding them. But, much to your dismay, he notices you just as much.

@mikYou know people like him. You know boys like him. Misbehaved jerks, thinking the world revolves around them and rules are meant to be broken; convinced that one smile is enough to make any girl fall in love with them, only to break their heart. But you, you’re not a part of this world, you refuse to be, and you want nothing to do with him.

Unfortunately, the stalker (as you like to call him) not only dares to smile and wink at you, but tries to approach you. So far you’ve managed to avoid him, spotting his messy brown hair towering over swarming students. This time, however, you failed to notice until it was too late. Until he had you trapped between his arms, your back against the wall.

“What do you think you’re doing, punk?!” You spit in his face, earning a tsk from the boy.

“Do I look like a punk to you?”

You want to retort, you really do, but the intensity of his gaze makes you open and close your mouth, like a fish thrown out of the ocean.

“Suna.”

“What?”

“I figured you didn’t know my name. Suna Rintarou.”

“I didn’t ask.”

He doesn’t know why you seem to hate him so much and it drives him mad. At first, Suna only wanted to really apologise for the incident, his conscience still clawing at him. Somewhere along the way it shifted into something more mischievous; seeing you blush and making a run for it giving him a fair amount of entertainment.

Initially you manage to win this game of cat and mouse, your average height being your biggest ally in hiding in the crowd. It certainly doesn’t help that other students tend to concentrate around him, and you’re long gone before he even scrambles out of the group. But he never misses the heat blossoming on your cheeks when he sends a wink in your direction.

Today might be Rin’s lucky day though. Most of the other teenagers are already gone, the halls pleasantly quiet and empty. You’re walking in front of him alone, and he’s sure you aren’t aware of the boy behind you.

He’s never been so grateful for his silent footsteps, or maybe you’re just too spaced out, because he sneaks up on you and pins you to the wall. Once more you look up at him with those big shiny eyes that make his stomach feel tingly, and maybe this time you’ll let him get closer…

Again, all he’s offered is baseless hostility, even in exchange for his name. You’re slipping through his fingers, at one moment being trapped between his arms, between his body and the wall, and in the next walking away. Not bothering to introduce yourself. Not sparing him even a glance.

***

Suna has another problem and this one is more urgent - he’s failing a class. In a sense, it’s his own fault for being late or even completely missing it. In his defense, it was in the morning, it was boring and unnecessary in his life, and he had so much other stuff to do. He can’t let it hold him back, not when he’s so close to being free.

The teacher was kind enough to give him a piece of paper containing the name and available hours of his potential saviour. Such a drag, he thinks but still walks towards the classroom where his tutor should be. Two knocks on the doorframe, but the girl inside is still turned back.

“Excuse me, I’m here for tutoring?”

His heart is hammering in his chest when the person turns towards him and it’s… you.

The weather is nice, it’s not hot despite the sun shining brightly, the cloudless sky has the most beautiful shade of blue. Gentle breeze rustles the leaves, birds chirp a song only they know. You can only admire it all from the window, having agreed to rescuing those in educational need.

You don’t mind, not really, as long as they put in some effort. There are some who just come and demand, those who don’t listen and claim to not understand anything later. You hope your next case won’t be one of these.

A deep voice brings you back to reality, a voice so familiar that it gives you goosebumps. You turn to look at your new student and for a second you think that if a headache had a human form, it would be him.

***

“Why do you hate me so much?”

The boy in front of you still stares at the problem at hand, spinning a pen between his fingers. You sigh.

“This is not a subject of our meetings.”

Now his olive eyes are focused on you, awaiting an answer he isn’t going to receive. You have no intention of entertaining this attempt at whatever it is.

“I’m not as bad as you think.”

“Why do you even care what I think?”

Rin only shrugs.

“Okay, could you please help me with this? I’m stuck.”

***

Contrary to your idea, Suna isn’t a hopeless case. He understands things quickly, without the need of repeating the same explanations over and over again. What bothers you is the amount of material you have to go through, because of his absences. With test retakes approaching quickly, you meet for sessions twice a week.

There isn’t much off-topic chatter, the scribbling of pen on paper being the only sound filling the room in between his questions. It’s comfortable and effective, and soon you feel at ease in his company.

In the third week of project “Ace the test”, as you jokingly call it, Rintarou greets you with a range of differently flavoured jelly sticks.

“You can take all of them, or just the ones you like.” He explains seeing your confusion.

“Why?”

“Because you’re staying after hours for me, and I don’t know how to repay you.”

You blush as you mumble “simple thank you would have been enough”, but in the end reach for three that taste like your favourite fruits. Suna smiles and commits your choice to his memory.

After that the boy makes sure to bring something in one of those flavours to your meetings - yoghurts, juices, chocolate bars with fillings, everything he could find. It would be a lie if you said you didn’t appreciate the gesture; it was sweet of him to bring you something as a compensation for your time and efforts.

It’s even cuter when on one particularly rough day after seeing your stressed frown, he dumps a whole bag on the desk. Upon opening you discover that it’s filled with your best-loved snacks; he must have been observing you closely and the realisation turns your cheeks into little furnaces.

There’s no way you can keep ignoring him now, and starting with the next day, you greet him with a small smile and a blush when you pass each other in the halls.

Rin is surprised at how easily the solutions come to his head after your little lectures. You have a way with words, your directions are simple and engaging, and he’s sure he wouldn’t have missed a single class if you were the teacher. He wonders if this is your plan for the future.

One of the discoveries he makes, partially by accident, is that you like silence; at least with a task like this at hand. Suna isn’t talkative which makes it easier, and the more he focuses on modules, the less tense you seem to be. Bingo.

Social interactions are usually tiring and Rintarou doesn’t bother with exhausting things. He prefers observing from the sidelines, watching the gestures and reactions they cause. Food, the boy realises, brings the most smiles. But since he doesn’t know your preferences at all, he’s going to start with what he’s familiar with.

Success has many faces. In this case, success has your blushing face as you grab jelly sticks he brought for you. Suna makes sure to remember which one you chose, and to always have something in one of those flavours. If this is how he wins you over, he doesn’t mind spending his precious energy. Especially not when you warm up enough to stop running away.

taglist: @kageyamas-love @mikasbloodbag

[rosiehunterwolf]

Twinkle, Twinkle, Are You There?

Prompts: Stars and Trauma

Word Count: 5,498

Characters: Lloyd (with reflection on Kai)

Timeline: During episode 82 (Dread on Arrival), with flashbacks to earlier seasons

Trigger Warnings: Claustrophobia, Kidnapping, PTSD, Self-Deprecation, Starvation, Dehydration

Summary: All he wanted to do was help his team. It was his mistakes that got them into this mess, after all. It would make sense that he was the one to get them out of it. But if there’s one thing Lloyd’s learned over the course of his life, it’s that things don’t have a habit of going his way.

That, and the fact that stars don’t make very good company.

Read on FFN.net

Read on Ao3

Tumblr work under the cut

The night was crisp and clear, with a blackness that enveloped the city in a blanket of stillness, the kind that only befell in the late summer. The city was quiet except for the faint sound of wailing sirens in the distance.

And, much closer, the shuffling of footsteps and clanking of chains.

“What do you want with me?” Lloyd hissed, yanking tightly at the restraints.

“Quiet, Garmadon,” Harumi hissed, and the chains suddenly tightened, causing him to nearly lose his footing as she stalked towards him. “For too long have I remained silent while you blathered on. No longer am I the Quiet One. Now it is my turn to speak.”

“Oh, so now I can’t even talk? I’m not your slave, Harumi.”

She grinned. “No, you certainly are not. But your time will come, don’t you worry.”

Her words sent a trickle of dread down his spine, and he gritted his teeth. “You won’t get away with this. My friends will stop you, and-”

Harumi laughed, long and cold. “Your friends? They are too late. There is no way those pesky little ninja will be able to stop us. Even if they do manage to get here before your father is freed, do you really think that they’ll try to stop us when you’re in danger?”

Lloyd’s throat ran dry. “What are you going to do to me?”

Harumi smirked. “What do you think? After everything you’ve done to me?” She laughed at the look on his face. “Don’t worry. I need you alive. For now. Dead bait isn’t half as effective as it is alive, after all.”

Silence stretched on as the Sons of Garmadon hauled him up a staircase. Killow shoved him from behind, and he stumbled, being sharply tugged back up by the Sons of Garmadon holding his chains. Lloyd grimaced, looking away.

After a few moments, Harumi began to sing softly. “The spider’s in the house, sleep, sleep. The spider bit the mouse-

Lloyd gritted his teeth. He had used to think that song was cute, but now it just put him on edge. Feeling anger surge up inside him, he felt the sudden urge to yell at her.

“So this is your true face without the mask. No wonder you covered it.”

“What did I say about speaking?” Harumi hissed, whipping around. “You think you’re so cocky, but you haven’t won. Far from it. How does it feel to lose for once, Lloyd?”

“Where are you taking me?”

Harumi tut-tutted, shaking her head. “So many questions. Normally, I would not appease you. But I feel like this will be of great interest to you.” She glanced at him, waiting for a reaction, but he remained silent. She sighed. “This is where the palace used to be. Trapped here all my life, I discovered something truly extraordinary. The destruction of the palace was something that had to be done, but… we took care to protect this place. The Temple of Resurrection.”

Lloyd swallowed. The Temple of… oh gosh, she really is going to do it. She’s really going to bring him back. She’s crazy, so crazy-

Harumi turned away from him as they reached a set of double doors. Pushing them open, she revealed a courtyard stretching out in front of them. Sons of Garmadon milled around, stopping and stepping to the side to clear a path as they caught sight of Harumi. A pedestal rose up in the middle of the space, and off to the side was a contraption with two cages. One was empty, the other-

“Mom!”

“Lloyd! What happened? Are you okay?”

One of the Sons of Garmadon poked a spear at her cage, silencing her.

“Let her go, Harumi. This is between us, and only us.”

Harumi laughed. “What has been between us? Your incompetence as the city’s protector by causing the release of the Great Devourer? Or something else? Because only one of those things are true, Lloyd. And honestly, that was entirely your fault. I’m just picking up the pieces.”

Leaning forward and letting her long, white hair swish close to his face, she whispered. “There is nothing between us, Lloyd. And there never has been.”

He jerked away, hating himself as an ache spread through his chest. He was losing nothing by letting go of her. He was better off without her. If only his stupid heart would just understand that.

“Aww, honey,” Harumi cooed, a mock look of pity on her face. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it? Nothing is more powerful than a blow to the heart. Especially on you.”

To his horror, Lloyd felt tears welling up in his eyes, and blinked furiously to disperse them. “Please, Harumi. This is my fault. Do whatever you want to me. But my mom is innocent. Let her go.”

“You’re right, this is all your fault. Which is precisely why I need to keep her around. I know you, Lloyd. You’d be far too happy to take the punishment yourself. One of your little ninja friends would’ve been ideal… you would’ve done anything I asked you then… but she’ll have to do for now. Knowing you, she should be enough.”

Turning towards the Sons of Garmadon restraining him, she flicked a hand at them. “Put him in the cage. I want the utmost security on him.”

His captors nodded, and his chains were yanked sharply, and he was roughly thrown into the cage, his breath knocked out of him for a moment.

His head spinning, he glanced up, seeing the long, curved metal bars stretching above him. A cold trickle of déjà vu slipped down his spine as the reality of his situation fully hit him.

No. No, no, no- Lloyd stumbled to his feet, lurching towards the cage door, just as it was slammed in his face.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere, kid. Behave yourself.”

He felt his heart rate pick up as the familiar panic began to set in. He couldn’t- this couldn’t be happening again. Not a damn cage again.

He- he was the green ninja. He was supposed to- he was supposed to look after his team, to lead them, but he- he always got caught and thrown in a stupid cage.

He threw himself against the bars, gripping them tightly as he leaned his face towards the sky, drinking in the fresh air. It was so small in here, he wanted to get out, to go home-

But that was always how it ended up, wasn’t it? Lloyd was always the one getting caught, always the one the others had to go out of their way to save.

He was a burden. An incompetent, helpless burden. This whole thing was his fault, just like it always was, because he was too weak to stop anyone from taking advantage of him. Him and his dumb, dumb heart.

And he had the nerve to call himself a ninja.

Except this time, it had been so, so, much worse. This time was different from the time with the Serpentine, or even Morro. This time, so many more people’s lives were going to be endangered because of him. Because his stupid, soft heart had decided to trust the girl that was now going to destroy the city.

Again, he had ruined everything.

My friends will fix my mistakes. She won’t win.

Harumi’s words echoed back to him. “Even if they do manage to get here before your father is freed, do you really think that they’ll try to stop us when you’re in danger?”

She was right. He hated that she was right. He was glad his friends loved him, but sometimes it would just be so much easier if they saved the city instead of him.

Opening his eyes, he gazed at the sky above. The night was moonless, the only light coming from the spattering of stars across the sky.

Those damn stars were always there. Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone?

---

The Lost City of Ouroboros, 2012

Lloyd eyed the lock at the front of his cage warily. Ugh, if only I had a pin.

Not that it mattered, anyway. The night was too dark for him to be able to see properly enough to pick the lock. And even if he did manage to get out, he wasn’t exactly unguarded. The city was crawling with Serpentine. And he didn’t stand a chance of sneaking- or fighting- his way past all of them, thanks to the ninja’s refusal to let him train with them.

His frustration dissipated quickly, and he glanced down at his hands, wringing the edge of his black hoodie. No, that wasn’t fair. The ninja had risked their lives trying to save him today. It hadn’t been that long ago that they had met- he was just some bratty kid they had fished off the street, one that had messed everything up for them. They didn’t owe him anything. The fact that they had done as much as they had for him, well-

It was a bit overwhelming, to be honest. No one had ever cared for Lloyd like that before.

The Darkley’s students had always hated him. He was lucky to go a week without being beat up or having bugs left in his bed. Brad had sort of been a friend, he guessed- but in the end, even he had abandoned him.

His mom had left him high and dry at Darkley’s- he didn’t even remember her. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. And she obviously hadn’t cared enough to come back, or even to write, so… he didn’t think that was an issue he would have to worry about anytime soon.

And his father-

Lloyd really wanted to have hope for his father. He really did. But it seemed like whatever he did, it wasn’t enough. Why hadn’t his dad visited him or even sent him letters, like the other boys’ parents?

Releasing the Serpentine had been Lloyd’s last hope that his father would notice him. But, like everything else, it hadn’t worked. And now he realized that he had hurt people by doing it, too. Good, innocent people, like the ninja.

They were the closest thing he had to a family, now.

But that was just Lloyd being dumb. He had made life very difficult for all of them. Why would any of them ever return those feelings back? He was just making a fool of himself by even entertaining such a notion. Forgiveness was never that easy, something he knew firsthand.

But then they had come back for him, anyway, and Lloyd was left wondering if they really did care. They had fought so hard for him. Maybe he was a part of something, finally. He was afraid to hope.

And then they had nearly died, and he had taken it all back.

He wanted them to save him, to bring him back to the Bounty, to care for him, to love him like no one had before. But he couldn’t ask them to risk their own selves for him. He was an outsider to their family. He hadn’t been there over the past months, the past memories. He was just the bratty kid. Maybe they cared about him now, but they wouldn’t give up that safety and security just for him. He didn’t want them to.

He had tried to remind himself that this was what he wanted as he had watched them flee on the Samurai X mech, watched them take the Golden Weapons to safety. Good. That was much more important than him. They could come back for him any time. Everything was going to be okay.

But then, why did his chest feel so hollow as the mech flew into the distance, smaller and smaller until it was gone? Why hadn’t that feeling gone away even now, hours later?

Lloyd shrugged his shoulders, as if the motion could shake the feeling off. The bars of the cage dug into his back- although not as bad as when he had been shoved into lockers back at Darkley’s, it wasn’t a pleasant reminder- and he shifted, trying to get comfortable, but it was no use. Instead, he tried to focus his gaze outside the cage. Ourorboros was much less active at this time of night, but there were still too many snakes lurking around for his liking. Lloyd hated the sound of their scales slithering across the ground. He had thought, after Uncle Wu had taken him aboard the Bounty, and read him that book, that he would never have to see another snake again. What had he been thinking, going after the Serpentine like he did? Sure, he wanted to prove himself, but he was no ninja. He didn’t even want to be here.

He hadn’t really felt like it had been a choice, though. He had just wanted to fix his mistakes. But he had dug himself into a hole too deep for someone as little as him to climb out of. And going after the Serpentine had only made it deeper.

If only he was cool and awesome, like the ninja. They would know what to do.

He turned his gaze up to the sky, if only to look at something other than Serpentine. The moon was nowhere to be seen, but the stars shone down brightly on him, abundant out here in the desert. Lloyd stared up at them, breathless.

He had grown up in Darkley’s, which had been on the edge of Ninjago City, and after he had been kicked out, in those long weeks before he had come up with the brilliant- or now, he was realizing, insanely stupid- plan to release the Serpentine, he had only ventured farther into the city, hoping to find food and a place to sleep.

The point was, Lloyd had always been a city kid. Before he had gotten captured, he had never been out in the blistering sun in the Sea of Sand, where Jay had grown up, or in the depths of Birchwood Forest, former home of Zane, or even to the small little village of Ignacia where Kai and Nya had once called home. In the thick of the city, he was used to light pollution brightening the skies, the nights dull with only a scattering of stars visible.

But now, out here, in the middle of the desert, the night sky couldn’t be more different. The darkness above him was littered with so many bright, white specks that Lloyd couldn’t believe that so many stars even existed. Darkley’s had taught them typical school curriculum alongside their villainy lessons- in which Lloyd had been told that there were billions of stars in the galaxy, but he hadn’t really believed it before now.

Now, he was sure there must be trillions.

He remembered the ninja’s long nights on watch, and wondered how many stars were visible from his uncle’s monastery, and if the ninja liked to watch them, too. He did remember one night- when he was being a particular pain, Kai had dragged him outside with him in hopes that he would calm down. Lloyd hadn’t been paying much attention to the stars that night- too distracted to look up.

He would pay more attention next time. He bet that Kai would watch the stars with him. The red ninja had sat so patiently with him then, mostly quiet but making conversation every once and a while before they had settled back into the easy bouts of silence. He had even made Kai laugh once. That happy, rich sound had sent warmth spreading through Lloyd’s chest. He hadn’t really known what to make of it then, but now, sitting here, cold and alone except for Serpentine, Lloyd longed for that warmth again.

He wished Kai was here now.

Well, not here-here, he didn’t want him to be captured too, obviously, but he wanted to be with him, somewhere safe, far from any Serpentine, where they could watch the stars in peace.

Maybe they could’ve been, right now, if Lloyd hadn’t been such an idiot.

As much as he hated the fear that clamped at his chest anytime a Serpentine rattled too near, he hated the feeling of hopelessness and uselessness even more. Why did he have to mess up everything all the time? If it weren’t for him, the ninja could be having those peaceful evenings still, out on the rooftop.

Next time, he would be smarter. Next time, he would be a better brother. A better asset to the team.

But at this point, he wasn’t even sure if next time would be an option. He had read plenty of editions of Starfarer in his lifetime, and people like Lloyd didn’t usually get second chances.

But that hurt too much to think about. Instead, he turned to gaze at the stars.

That was the good thing about the stars, he supposed. No matter where he went, what he did, or how badly he messed up, they never left him.

---

The Fire Temple, 2012

Lloyd pulled his knees closer to his chest as hot, bubbling lava gurgled below him. For once, he was glad to have the bars around him- although he wasn’t sure how much protection they would be if the lava seeped up towards him. The Serpentine seemed to think that the volcano was perfectly safe, barely dazed by the oozing molten around them, but Lloyd wasn’t so sure.

At the very least, the heat was sweltering down here, where his cage sat only a few feet away from where the rock dropped way into the vat of lava. Serpentine perched on many of the other rocks jutting out of the lava, chipping away at them as they searched for the third Fangblade. Lloyd bit his lip, hoping they didn’t take the whole volcano down with them.

He kicked absently at a bit of rock that had strayed into the cage, watching as it fell down, into the lava with a gloop.

This sucked. He had been in this stupid cage for about a week now, and he was so tired and scared. Somehow, he hadn’t really expected this. In his mind’s eye, he had imagined getting gobbled up by the Serpentine after a day or two, or maybe even getting rescued. He hadn’t thought it would go on this long.

He tried to be like the ninja- to put on a brave face, stay strong, come up with a plan- but nothing came to him. He wasn’t a ninja. He just wanted his dad.

Nibbling on his lip, he looked up at the chunk of sky that he could see through the opening in the volcano. It was a much more limited view than the one he had seen back in Ouroboros, but the stars were still there, as bright and unyielding as ever.

These ones were especially fascinating, the lava casting a gentle glow on the stars, staining them a faint, burnt orange color. They almost seemed to pulse gently with the flickering lava, and Lloyd let himself forget about everything for a moment, just watching them.

It could’ve almost been peaceful, if it weren’t for his situation.

He leaned his head against the bars of the cage, despite the uncomfortableness. A slight quiver reverberated through the floor, reminding him of the unstableness of the ground beneath him.

Trying to think about something else, he turned his thoughts to the ninja instead. He wondered what they were doing now. Realistically, he knew they were probably trying to find a way to stop the Serpentine- maybe even coming to save him. He knew the idea should’ve brought him comfort, but for some reason, it just made his stomach ache. He didn’t want his friends to get hurt because of him.

Instead, he imagined them hanging out at the monastery. Jay flopped over the couch with a Starfarer comic (one he had probably stolen from Lloyd), Zane and Nya sprawled out on the floor as they played Stratego, glaring at each other icily from time to time, and Kai and Cole duking it out in Fist-to-Face 2, Kai balancing on his knees and practically smashing his controller as he got more agitated, while Cole’s demeanor was much more relaxed, although there was a fierce concentration in his eyes.

Lloyd let a smile play on his lips. The image felt so vivid, so real, and he clutched onto it, longing desperately for some connection- any connection- to the others.

Tears blurred his vision. It wasn’t enough, just imagining them. He needed them. He was going crazy in here, and the slimy Serpentine were terrible company.

Looking back up at the sky, he let his gaze fall on the North Star. Lloyd didn’t know much about constellations or different stars, but he knew that one. It wasn’t too hard to spot, especially on this dark night- bigger and brighter than all the rest.

Lloyd remembered what Brad had told him back at school- that supposedly you could see this star from anywhere. It was a guide, a wayfinder, a path back to home.

Biting his lip, he glanced around to see if anyone was watching him. No one was- of course they weren’t, why would they be- so he turned his gaze on the North Star and whispered under his breath.

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.”

Closing his eyes, he thought the wish in his head as hard as he could- saying it out loud would make it not come true, of course- and hoped against all odds, that this time, for once, his wish would actually be granted.

Opening his eyes again, he fixated on the star again.

Maybe, wherever the ninja were, they were watching that star, too.

---

Stiix, 2015

If there was ever a time in his life that Lloyd had wished he had brought a jacket with him, it was now.

Not that he had really had an opportunity to get a jacket in the first place- it would’ve had to been when he had first gone down to investigate that stupid museum robbery, weeks ago at this point- but his point still stood. He was freezing.

A cold breeze rattled eerily through the bars of his cage, swaying it slightly, and Lloyd pulled the dirty, worn mess that was his gi tighter around him. Alright, he got that Morro wanted him to suffer in every way possible, but did he really have to hang his cage all the way up here?

Another gust rocked the cage a little harder, and Lloyd grabbed hold of the bars, whiteknuckling as he tried not to look at the churning waters of the lake not too far to his right. It was all too easy to imagine the cage rolling into the dark, choppy waves if a strong enough gust were to knock him loose.

The hands that gripped the cage bars were pale and trembling, so that Lloyd barely recognized them as his own. He cursed himself- even this brief, fleeting moment of relief from Morro’s possession really wasn’t much of a relief at all because of how much his body was screaming in agony. He was so weak, and even if, by some miracle, an opportunity was presented for him to escape, he would never be able to take it. He wasn’t even sure if he could move.

As if to accentuate his point, Lloyd’s stomach suddenly growled loudly, agonizing cramps ripping through it as he curled in on himself, moaning. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had eaten. He bit his lip, trying to distract himself from the unbearable hunger pangs. Even Cole’s nasty chili sounded heavenly about now, and he felt himself start to cry as he thought of the black ninja, wishing his friend was here now, with or without food.

But the only person there was Ronin. Lloyd craned his neck to peer through the hole in the roof of the man’s pawn shop. Ronin was scowling, his hands securely tied up behind his back as he glared at the floor. He was looking a little better than he had a half hour ago, his skin less of an ashy shade, and some of the color seeping back into his cheeks, but he still was slumped over weakly, trembling slightly.

Even though Lloyd hardly knew him, he felt his heart go out to the man. He was one of the few people in Ninjago who knew how it felt, to be possessed by a ghost- and honestly, Lloyd was impressed that Ronin had recovered this much in such a short amount of time. The first time Lloyd had been released from Morro’s grip, it… well, he preferred not to relive the memories, but it had not been pretty.

Suddenly, he caught sight of a flicker of translucent green glide past Ronin, and Lloyd lurched back from the edge, pressing his back against the opposite side of the cage, gasping. He was still lurking around. Lloyd didn’t even want to look at him, he didn’t want to think about how, all too soon, the ghost would be slipping back inside him, filling his mind, taking over his bones-

Lloyd cut off the flow of thoughts violently, breathing heavily as he tried to contain it. He- he couldn’t think about that now. There would be plenty of time for trauma later, but now his poor body couldn’t handle anymore.

Trying to get his pounding heart to slow, Lloyd swallowed- and immediately regretted it as his throat seared. Ow, he groaned silently, not daring to speak. His throat felt impossibly dry- Morro had given him some water a little while ago, after he was safely out of Lloyd’s body, but the stale, warm liquid had done little to alleviate the raging heat in his throat. Just the thought of water made his head throb, and Lloyd clutched tightly onto the bars, trying not to pass out.

He had barely gotten over his dizzy spell when his stomach suddenly cramped again, loud gurgles and whines bubbling from it as he braced himself.

The pain came much worse than any time before, and it was only the promise of pain from his throat that kept him from crying out. The cramping continued to flare for much longer than usual, and Lloyd began breathing heavier, tears pricking his eyes as he prayed for relief, which came a few moments later, slowly and reluctantly.

Dammit, I haven’t had it this bad since my days wandering the streets, back when I was nine. How long has it been since I last ate?

He hoped Morro would feed him soon. The ghost would need to put some fuel in Lloyd’s body if he wanted to continue to use it, and Lloyd wasn’t sure how much longer he could run without food. If he didn’t get anything soon, he would probably have to ask Morro to give him something, which was always humiliating because the ghost always found some way to make him beg for what he wanted.

It wasn’t like he could ask for anything in this state, anyway. Why did it feel like every part of his body was actively trying to kill him?

Needing something- anything- to distract him from his pain, he found himself looking up for the first time since he had been there.

The night skies of Stiix were breathtaking, stars littering the air like glitter. Even with everything going on, Lloyd felt himself stop for a minute, taking in the beauty of it all.

It would’ve been a perfect night to go stargazing, back home.

Lloyd’s fascination with the stars hadn’t faded since his capture in the desert all those years ago, and he had kept his promise to himself to keep watching them. The others would accompany him once in a while, although he sensed that it was mostly just so that he wouldn’t be alone.

Kai’s feelings, however, had always been more genuine. He and his friend had spent hours studying the different constellations, charting the stars, and going out on the prime stargazing nights. The outings weren’t just about the stars, either. They would chat for hours- about silly things, serious things, or nothing at all. Out there, alone in the darkness, it had just been the two of them and the stars. There had been something intimate and comforting about it, especially on the hard nights. If he was having nightmares again, all he would have to do was wake Kai up and they would go, no questions asked. Sometimes they talked about it, sometimes they didn’t. But what was important was that Kai was always there, as unfading and unfaltering as the stars themselves.

Yet here he was, the stars shining above him, and Kai was miles from here. The last time he had seen him, Lloyd had tried to kill him. His best friend.

No, he reminded himself fiercely. That was Morro in control then. I saved Kai’s life by fighting back.

But he should’ve done more. He had seen his friend escape with cuts and wounds, while Kai had tried so hard to not hurt Lloyd.

Damn, none of that mattered. Kai would forgive him, he always did. Lloyd just wanted to see him again. He’d know what to say to make Lloyd feel better.

Or, at least, he would just hug him. Lloyd really wanted to be held. The only person who had touched him recently was the ghosts, who more so phased through him than touched him.

Wrapping his arms around himself, he looked up at the stars again. Maybe Kai was staring up at them now, too, thinking of him.

The thought made a smile flicker across his lips, and for a moment, he thought he felt a shoulder pressing against his.

He turned his head. No one was there. Of course they weren’t.

Lloyd looked back at the stars desperately, longing for the sensation again. But, unsurprisingly, nothing happened. He had just imagined it.

It was just Lloyd and the stars, together again, yet lonelier than ever.

---

The Temple of Resurrection, Present Day

Lloyd gasped, blinking back the tears that were welling in his eyes. The sky above him came into sharper focus as he did so. But this time, when he gazed up, he didn’t get the little skip in his heart he always felt when watching the stars. Perhaps it had something to do with being so deep in the city, but they felt colder and more distant than usual.

Even the stars were against him tonight, it seemed.

Maybe his luck had finally run out.

That was probably for the best. It seemed like every time Lloyd got himself captured, Kai managed to plunge himself headfirst into danger, and would almost get himself killed.

Lloyd really hated that about him. If Kai ever died trying to save him, he would never forgive himself. It would be better for everyone if they stayed far away from here.

But then Harumi will succeed in bringing my father back.

Lloyd put his head down. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted everyone to be safe, but he always managed to mess things up, to throw a wrench in their plans.

And this time, he had messed up so much worse. His father was going to come back, the city was going to be destroyed, Harumi was going to win.

And this time, he didn’t know how to fix it.

Suddenly, a flash caught the edge of his vision, and Lloyd whipped his head towards it, sucking in his breath. A shooting star. He hadn’t seen one of those in years.

Those are lucky, he thought, unbidden. For special wishes.

He was being silly. That was just a dumb old superstition. He wasn’t a little kid anymore, he had stopped wishing on stars a long time ago.

“Make a wish, Lloyd.”

“Go away, Kai,” he grumbled. “You’re not really here. The last thing I need is the Sons of Garmadon laughing at me for talking to myself.”

The red ninja pointed to the sky. “You’re going to miss it.”

“I’m not going to wish on that stupid star, okay?”

“Why won’t you do it anymore? I miss when we used to talk about the stars.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“It’s never too late, bud.”

“Yes, it is!”

“Why?”

“Just leave me alone!”

When he looked up again, Kai- or rather, the illusion of Kai- was gone.

“... because I can’t,” he whispered, to whom, he didn’t know. “Not anymore. My life hasn’t been that simple for a long time. Even the luckiest of wishing stars isn’t going to change that.”

Closing his eyes, he blocked out the twinkling lights above him, letting his vision succumb to blackness.

[violet-t-9]

Checking in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 133

1. Continued dungeon crawl starting with a relatively easy victory against the frost salamander thingy.

Fjord you battle genius! That was pretty easy I totally knew it-oh never mind lol there is another one. Also, Capeleb my beloved. Still pretty easy first combat though considering they took both salamanders out in 2 rounds.

2. They discover more about the nature of the “coldness” they experience in the ruins that keeps making them do constitution checks (is it just the brown mold? I don’t trust it).

I mean, seems like regular brown mold to me at this point! We got a full explanation of their effects as well! (Still don’t trust it though.)

3. Maybe they can discover some more cool relics/clues to what happened to Aeor, the nine eyes, its history or arcane and this mysterious ward.

They found the city proper! Cool stuff. They also found mummified bodies and pretty architecture. A weird body with metallic features and runes! A smooth orb power core? Weird blue and teal lights and dome. Who is that woman?

4. Confirm (via commune perhaps, let’s go team clerics) that the TT are in fact still gathering their crests/just got them so M9 still have some time to relax/plan.

Yay Jester! Go Jester! Shoot they are less than a day away though... but they still got some time to rest/plan. At least Trent and Co. are not pursuing close. Ah never mind they are actually here-

5. Seeing more of Essek’s cool dunamancy spells in combat and for other things (Matt please give me more of that delicious dunamantic flavour yum), also seeing his other fancy magical items.

Magnify Gravity hype! Magic missile description was also cool (love the colour scheme)! Sending stones made an appearance again! (Rip those rangers)

6. I will continue waiting for the Essek and Caleb one-on-one conversation until it happens eventually (manifesting). (Bonus: Essek meets winter Frumpkin)

Yes! It happened! They talked, in private. Literally everything I have ever wanted for weeks now, thank you critical role.

7. More Essek realization moments as he gets more and more convinced that he is surrounded by super powerful idiots. (Bonus: Essek gets either super impressed by M9′s battle skills or joins in their fun afterwards)

I’m counting the Capeleb moments lol, low int Capeleb is low int. (Again, Capeleb my beloved.) Also Essek joined them in their heroes’ feast and expressed his love of beef stew so I’m going to assume he had fun.

8. Finding a place they see fit, coming up with and deciding on a tangible plan for ambushing the TT and actually setting up the traps. (Bonus: discover the place where the TT plans to use to go to the astral sea)

I love ambush planning! They actually set stuff up! Wonderful wonderful. Did not expect them to actually confront the TT so soon, but hey, 3 down 2 to go. The real problem is the bonus part. 

9. Widogast’s Nascent Nein-Sided Tower (with renovations) the next night (let Essek see it before fighting the TT, come on). (Bonus: water slide woooooo)

Ayyyy “impressive” indeed! Caleb even gave Essek a short tour. What fun that this episode just keeps delivering. Water slides even got an honorary mention (they are in the rooms of requirements).

10. Dome cuddle pile shenanigans on this night, maybe some more one-on-one conversations between people on watch. (Bonus: the couples cuddle)

I mean technically yeah there was the dome too! Essek and Fjord had a very intense one-on-one conversation that I loved... so I’m counting it.

11. No more red eyes on Beau and Caleb in their long rest (I’m still hoping that their amulets are helping with that, honestly though that’s unlikely).

Well they never got a long rest, but no red eyes I guess so l will take it.

12. Caleb (from casting polymorph) and Veth’s (from spider climb) wild magic rolls from last episode have their effects revealed. (Bonus: the effects turn out to be not horrible or harmful for them)

I mean, no news is good news! They have been using a lot of magic but are fine so far. Hope that they keep getting the casual “you are fine”.

13. Fjord and Jester having more powerful battle couple moments (since last episode they were being very cute and flirty). (Bonus: Jester heals or refuses to heal Fjord)

Fjord and Jester were such a battle couple this episode! All the fire damage from Fjord, spiritual weapon and toll the dead from Jester. It was really awesome to see. They also went in first against the TT!

14. Yasha and Beau having more cute and flirty moments (since last episode they were being a super powerful battle couple). (Bonus: they kiss)

“Come on babe this is the hottest you have been” lol it worked! The strength check worked guys! It’s the power of love. Beau also gave Yasha a little kiss! 

15. Cad and Veth each gets at least one nice RP moment or battle moment (would love to see them interact more honestly, they have an interesting dynamic).

Cad got to fly around Aeorian town as a stealth agent, fun! Veth had a little moment with Caleb when they were doming up. Also, she got to kill Otis, so I’m sure she is pretty happy right about now.

16. At least one of the party members gets tempted by a strange, powerful or magical item/location/opportunity etc. and attempts to push the button.

I mean, Fjord was really tempted by exploring the rest of the Aeorian cityscape. Who could blame him though.

17. Everybody stays relatively happy and very much alive by the end of this episode (probably will end on a terrifying cliffhanger, AGAIN).

Hey, I will take that as a win! The cat-and-mouse game starts again, except this time they are the ones on the offensive! Most impressive.

Score: 14/17 fulfilled, this episode fulfilled almost everything on my wish list and delivered even more excitement! Wow, what an episode. I’m so excited for how this is going to turn out!

[maxwell-grant]

You've talked quite a bit about Shiwan Khan, would be OK with talking about the other villains who show up more than once, Benedict Stark and The Voodoo Master?

The Voodoo Master tends to get overshadowed by Khan by virtue of being less prominent and because, in a lot of ways, Mocquino does feel a bit like a prototype for Khan. Like Gibson was testing the waters of what kind of major supervillain he wanted the Shadow to have, and was gradually figuring details like the hypnotic traps and unique henchmen and mystic background and a fraudulent dark magician figure with Mocquino, before Khan blew it all up to bigger proportions. Twice already we’ve had instances where Mocquino was set to appear in a Shadow adaptation after Khan, and said adaptations got canned before he could show up (and I don’t think it does either character a favor if Mocquino comes after Khan). And of course Mocquino has the problem of being an ethnic supervillain whose identity and name are tied up to grotesque prejudice that twists cultures and beliefs into Hollywood boogeymen, and the novels sadly treat vodou beliefs far less charitably than how the other novels approach tibetan/asian mysticism. It’s definitely a problem, but not without it’s solutions.

Putting that aside, The Voodoo Master trilogy is very fun, the first novel in particular was the number one rated Shadow novel in a fan poll back then. Personally, my favorite is City of Doom because of it’s blend of gothic, urban and industrial settings, great battles even for a Shadow novel, and a spectacular finale, but they all have very strong points. And I do like Mocquino himself as a character. He is historically significant as the first true supervillain of Shadow Magazine (if you don’t count other odd criminals like The Black Master or The Cobra). He is different from Khan personality-wise in the sense that he is more of an old-school supervillain, who likens his conflict with The Shadow to a “game” they play, who likes to boast and brag about his powers and whose goals largely revolve around extortion. He has a vendetta against industrial society (although he himself employs industrial tactics, because he is a hypocrite), and said vendetta being largely just him trying to destroy it so he thinks people will fall in line with his cult more easily. Unlike with Khan, there’s no delusions or aspirations of grandeur and greater purpose here, it always comes down to crime and profit with Mocquino and he barely bothers to pretend otherwise.

He is resourceful and insidious and racks up a bigger body count than Khan on City of Doom alone, and there’s a real creepiness to his zombie minions as they are regular people stripped of all identity and forced into becoming walking meat shields. I think one way to make him work better on his own could be by playing up his ruthlessness and charm, and focus on the mind control/cult leader aspect. Make him the Jim Jones of Shadow villains.

Justice Inc redesigned him to look like Boris Karloff, divorced him of racist trappings, played up his dark magician persona and ballooned up his abilities into outright superpowers, all of which worked quite well as the closest he's ever had to an update And interestingly, there’s some odd Joker-esque aspects to him in his final appearence in Voodoo Trail:

Though almost silent, the explosion was forcible. The tank disgorged a greenish gas that spread like an expanding monster, filling the entire room that the trio had just left. 

There was something parched and withery in his face, particularly noticeable when The Shadow saw the Voodoo Master's profile. Mocquino bore the scars of flame, not only on his face, but upon the scrawny arm he extended from his robe. Those burns showed like livid brands: a fitting mark for a supercriminal.

That hissing sound in the zombi cave! It was gas, leaking from underground pipes that led into Manhattan. Filtering through the porous stone, it gathered other chemical elements. Mocquino must have discovered that leakage and noted its effects. He had put the discovery to his own use. 

...lips formed a grin so jagged that it was difficult to note where his mouth ended and his scar began.

Mocquino's shrill laugh told that he expected his men to overwhelm The Shadow through force of numbers.

Honestly, “Doctor Mocquino” I think is a better name for him than Voodoo Master. A Rogues Gallery isn’t complete without a major Doctor in there, and divorcing Mocquino of “Voodoo Master” and all that implies could be the better way of making this character work again. Play up the fact that he’s exploiting Caribbean religions and citizens for personal gain and roping them into his crime ring, maybe even have him use similar theatrics as The Shadow to paint himself as this great master of voodoo, but in the end, he’s always just Doctor Mocquino, an evil, rotten shyster who puts his knowledge to use for evil and evil alone. 

Responsible for the first and only cliffhanger of Shadow Magazine with the kidnapping of Rutledge Mann, Benedict Stark is easily the single worst scumbag out of all Shadow supervillains. Just this completely horrible, wretched monster who ends up being somewhat dissappointing and frustrating of a villain in my view. Despite having quite a bit going on for him, Stark is not really interesting enough to warrant the 4 novels he gets, and where as Khan and Mocquino usually escape The Shadow thanks to prior planning and last-minute escape and strokes of luck, Stark seems to get away with it only because the narrative says so, not nearly as impressive as the other two despite being far, far worse, which makes it you don’t want The Shadow to match wits with him, so much as you just want The Shadow to kill him as soon as possible. In fact, here’s what Stark gets away with in the first ten pages of The Prince of Evil alone:

He gaslights a man named John Harmon into thinking he was developing amnesia

Gets Harmon to sign away enough money to be bankrupted for life, and no one, not even his wife, believe him when he says he was conned

Causes Harmon to commit suicide. 

Then, while Cranston's talking with a friend of Harmon named Jackson who wanted to help him, the two go to Jackson's house to find it completely destroyed, his priceless belongings acid-ruined. 

Then, they find Jackson's dog dead, with it's throat slit, and a Bible scattered nearby with the story of the good Samaritan marked, making it clear that this all happened because Jackson tried to help Harmon. 

And then, as Cranston tries to stop one of Stark's goons from brutally assaulting a boy who was just paid by Cranston to watch his car, he gets attacked and knocked unconscious.

And THEN, the henchman gives the kid a brain concussion and then hauls him in front of a coming truck, with Cranston just barely saving the kid in time as the henchman escapes.

This is just the first 10 pages. Not even Spider novels usually start with this many atrocities happening all at once. Whatever problems Tinsley has as a Shadow writer, I’ll give him this: He definitely knows how to go from 0 to 100 in ways Gibson never would. The book obviously doesn’t keep this up forever (thank goodness), but The Prince of Evil is really all about building up Stark’s presence as this new ultimate Shadow villain, and I think the build up is quite solid up to a point.

He’s established as possibly the richest man in America. Where as Cranston is a millionaire, Stark is a billionaire, who owns “ailways and steamships, factories and mills all over the United States". Nobody knows what he looks like, nobody’s ever seen a picture of him, and Cranston, who knows everyone and everything, has never once laid eyes on the man. We also know in advance that he uses drugs delivered by chewing gum to turn his thugs into bloodthirsty savages who desire only terror and torture and inflict those at his beck and call, and we get a passage where Clyde Burke ingests one of these gums, experiences it’s effects, and ends up chasing down a mouse and killing it, for no reason other than it was the only living being nearby, much to his horror. And it very nearly develops into something even worse:

He could hear the snoring of a man sleeping inside a cellar apartment. Clyde halted. His fingers tightened on his iron bar. He guessed that the man asleep inside was the building janitor. He fought against a hot impulse that flared anew in his blood.

He wanted to kill that janitor! He wanted to smash at him with the iron bar until the man was battered and dead! Murder seemed so exciting. And so easy! Clyde could picture the terror of his victim as he struck at him. It would be sheer delight to maim the fool before he killed him.

The thing that saved Clyde was the thought of the chewing gum. He knew that the savage whisper that urged him on to murder was not his own brain talking, but the voice of a powerful drug.

Laying the bar on the concrete floor, he ran for the cellar exit. He didn't glance back. He was afraid that if he did, he'd be tempted to pick up the bar and commit a senseless and brutal crime.

The cold bite of the breeze was like a draft of cooling water against his parched lips. He began to get a grip on himself. Once more he was Clyde Burke, a normal human being who would go out of his way to avoid hurting a fly.

Stark has weaponized and mass-produced a drug that creates an army of Mr Hydes at his beck and call, that can turn even one of the kindest and most heroic characters into the series into a sadistic maniac itching to main and murder anything that’s in front of him, and that alone is not just a much more viscerally horrifying kind of mind control than what Khan and Mocquino use, it’s also got a an edge to it more suited for gritty urban drama. It’s an idea I definitely would have liked to see used again even after Stark’s out of the picture.

And then we actually get to see Stark for this first time, and he’s described as a grotesquely deformed baboon man leering at his beautiful secretaries, who deliberately employs the most attractive people to make his own deformities stand out further, and who is cartoonishly vile everytime he opens his mouth. He never really displays exceptional cleverness, compared to other Shadow villains, except for the fact that he keeps suspecting Cranston is The Shadow, and sometimes just seems to get really lucky. Stark tends to get much, much less interesting as the build-up evaporates and he has to stand on his own feet as a character, I barely remember anything he did in the following books. At the time, I thought Stark’s characterization was weak, and I still do. 

This text blurb here was used on a promo S&S did for Prince of Evil, and it starts by talking about incredibly well-liked people who are kind and how Stark is the opposite because he's evil. Of course, as we all know, evil and well-liked are not opposites. 

Stark may have been a tad more interesting had they went with the angle of him being a horrible monster who's also incredibly popular and beloved and friendly. About 70% of The Shadow’s villains are already middle-aged to elder rich businessmen pretending to be good, so maybe Stark being young and attractive and initially sympathetic-looking, atop being the richest and cruelest of them all, could also help set him apart. Sort of an evil Harry Vincent maybe. 

But instead he's so obviously and viscerally awful all the time he shows up, so incapable of restraining himself, that it's impossible to buy him as a deceiver who’s pulled the wool over society’s eyes. At the time, I thought to myself that he was just painfully obvious of a villain and too brutish and stupid for me to buy that he’s supposed to be the richest criminal genius in America. 

But then again, nowadays I’m well aware that wealthy and respected figures of society, who are cartoonishly horrible even openly in public, is just what billionaires are like, so maybe Tinsley had a point here. 

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Documentation Gathering, Sanitization, and Storage: an excerpt from "A Public Service"

[Yesterday, we published my review of Tim Schwartz's new guide for whistleblowers, A Public Service: Whistleblowing, Disclosure and Anonymity; today, I'm delighted to include this generous excerpt from Schwartz's book. Schwartz is an activist whom I've had the pleasure of working with and I'm delighted to help him get this book into the hands of the people who need to read it. -Cory]

Collection

As you collect documents and bring new information to light, be aware that you are in an escalating digital arms race. There will always be new ways that data forensics can identify you, or uncover information based on data that you inadvertently leave in your files, or data that is retained in logs noting who has accessed what files on what network. Recently it was discovered that noise from electrical grids can be used to quite accurately pinpoint when, and potentially where, an audio recording was made. The best way to win this war—or at least to avoid becoming collateral damage—is to work outside the standard methods and find partners who have experience.

Of course, the actual collection of documents has changed dramatically over the years. In 1969, Daniel Ellsberg systematically removed documents, including the Pentagon Papers, from the RAND Corporation in his briefcase, taking them to an advertising agency where he (sometimes with the help of his 13-year-old son) photocopied them, one page at a time. Though this took enormous courage and psychological stamina—and in 1969 all that copying was certainly time-consuming and undoubtedly tiresome—it was also technologically straightforward and relatively safe. As long as the guards didn’t stop and check his briefcase, and as long as no one saw him remove and return the reports, Ellsberg could duplicate the papers undetected.

If Ellsberg was trying to do the same thing in 2019 with physical documents, he would have to be sure there weren’t cameras looking over his shoulder. He would have to make sure that the documents themselves didn’t have watermarks that would lead back to him. And he would have to make sure that the copying method didn’t log his activity. If Ellsberg’s 21st-century counterpart were to take digital documents, there would be many more potential technological risks and traps to avoid along the way.

Take Notes

Before you start collecting documents or even trying to tell anyone about the wrongs you want to expose, start documenting what you see. Jesselyn Radack, who heads the Whistleblower and Source Protection Program at ExposeFacts and has worked with Thomas Drake and Edward Snowden, says the first step is to “just keep your own little record at home in a little notebook.” This should be a notebook where you methodically record everything pertinent to the wrongs you want to expose: everything that you see, everything that you hear, and everything that you say. Do this as often as you can, the same day that incidents occur. Note the time and date of each occurrence. Above all, your notes should always include any complaints you raise and to whom, as well as any retaliation against you for doing so.

This approach to notetaking played a critical role in the big Russian sports doping scandal in 2016. Grigory Rodchenkov, the whistleblower and former doctor of the Russian Olympic team, took incredibly detailed contemporaneous notes that became compelling evidence. The notes included Rodchenkov’s interactions with Russian coaches, officials, and athletes, such as how and when he provided performance-enhancing drugs to athletes, and how the doping was hidden from Olympic observers and their drug tests. Aside from all of these incriminating notes, as the New York Times reported, Rodchenkov also noted his daily activities details such as “6:30, I took a shower, had a smoke, got ready, had hot cereal and farmer’s cheese at breakfast.” These seemingly trivial details helped convince the judges to allow the journal to be considered credible evidence in the court case.

The technology you use to take notes can either help or hinder those who might seek to access and/or destroy any information you have, depending upon your situation. You can use a physical notebook, good old pen and paper, or notes on an anonymous laptop or tablet. But be sure to stay away from making entries at work or on your personal computer unless you are highly technically confident of your computer’s security.

“Documentation is very important,” says Debra Katz, founding partner of Katz, Marshall & Banks, LLP and the lawyer who represented Christine Blasey Ford when she was called to testify during the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings. “We increasingly have people who show up with videotapes of harassment. I’ve had clients who’ve had their iPhone rolling as their employer, predictably, would come in and do back massages or make sexual remarks.” Logs of text messages on phones or even recordings of interactions can be crucial to demonstrating that harassment is taking place. Save logs of all of your conversations and interactions, because you never know how they might prove useful later on.

The text messages sent by Mike Isabella and partners to Chloe Caras (who was also represented by Debra Katz) were used as evidence in the lawsuit that eventually took down Mike Isabella Concepts restaurants for sexual harassment. If you are going to attempt to record interactions as evidence, be sure that you are aware of the relevant recording laws. In some states and countries, you must inform the other party that you are recording and you must obtain their consent to be recorded. These laws are collectively known as two-party consent laws. Do more research into your context before you start shooting video or recording audio as documentation. You don’t want your evidence thrown out of court. You don’t want to be sued for releasing the recording. The Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press is a good place to learn more about two-party consent laws in the United States.

Recommended Collection Approach

In New York City in 1953, a newspaper boy was finishing his day, jingling his coins around, when he noticed that one nickel felt lighter than the rest. When he dropped the coin on the floor, it split open, revealing a tiny photograph with numbers. This turned out to be microfilm that was destined for Soviet spy Reino Hayhanen. In 1957, Hayhanen defected to the U.S., where he exposed the spycraft of the Soviets to the FBI. This included the use of microfilm and dead drops for communication. Though this example may seem far from the world of computers and smartphones, taking photos of documents with microfilm is much safer than taking the actual documents, in the same way taking a digital photo is safer than copying the digital document. In such a case, there is far less potential for a log of the interaction.

The current best way to gather information is by taking pictures of documents or computer screens using a pseudonymous digital device. This method effectively circumvents all of the normal digital surveillance systems that might come into play when you copy data off of a network or onto a USB stick (e.g., logs of the copying or digital watermarking). It also circumvents any logging software that may be installed on your computer. Company or government tracking software can record the actions of taking screenshots or other mouse and keyboard actions. Evidence from one of these loggers was used by the FBI against Terry Albury, an FBI field agent who was sent to jail for disclosing classified information to The Intercept. In an affidavit in support of the search warrant, the FBI cited a number of facts, including that Albury had “conducted cut and paste activity” while viewing one of the classified documents. This fact could only have been gathered by latent logging software installed on his computer or built into a viewing program. By skipping digital copying or screenshotting, and instead simply taking a picture of the computer screen, you can circumvent some of these monitoring systems. Of course, if you are logged in and have a document open, you should assume that there is a log of the access as well.

Keep these tips in mind:

Only use a pseudonymous device for taking photos; never use your personal or work device.

Use a small tablet with Wi-Fi turned off instead of a phone; this way there will be no location information stored as metadata in the photos.

Make sure the photos don’t have any identifying information in them; this could be your hand, your reflection on the computer screen, images of your office, or other identifying information or marks on your computer screen.

Be sure to check the images afterwards for any metadata or accidental information captured, and make sure to sanitize the images if necessary.

Audio and video recordings can potentially replace taking photos, but these types of files can be harder to sanitize.

Be sure there aren’t video cameras that could capture you in the act of taking photos.

Microdots

Do not trust printers. Color laser jet printers and copiers embed metadata in the documents that they print in the form of microdots, which are patterns of tiny yellow dots that are almost invisible to the naked eye. These dots encode information, similar to QR codes. This includes the printer’s serial number, the time and date, the network address, and potentially other information. This data can be used to pinpoint when and where documents were printed, and potentially by whom. If you want to find out more on the topic, research the terms “printer steganography” and “machine identification code.”

Regular and enhanced image of a printed page from an HP Color LaserJet 3700 showing yellow microdots. Photography by Florian Heise, Druckerchannel.de, in the public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

Copying Digital Files

It is nearly impossible to copy files to a USB stick without leaving a trace, particularly if you are using log-in credentials at work or on a company device. Computers and networks are built to track and log file access, transfers, and printing. Do not try to make a digital transfer or to copy information onto a USB stick at work unless you can be positive that this process isn’t being logged somewhere. Use the Tails operating system, or a computer that is offline, when you copy data.

If you must copy digital files, be sure to collect all your information as anonymously as possible: use a shared computer at work (not your own). Do not use your own login credentials. Also, consider your physical location. It is best not to attempt this in your own office, for instance. Gathering information in the office will become even less viable as technology and employee surveillance software evolves.

Aside from the issues around copying digital files, some sensitive documents (particularly from government agencies) come with “phone home” beacons embedded in them or with digital rights management built in, making it impossible to view or print documents if you aren’t logged in. This could be a remote image or link embedded in a document, such that when you view the document, the image pings back to a server owned by the government or creator of the document. This allows the creator to see the IP address and potentially more information about you as a viewer. Microsoft files such as Word documents have been known to have “locating beacons” placed within them. PDFs may also include this type of beacon, though Adobe now tries to notify users before documents call a remote server. To combat this type of tracking, either convert a document to a safe format such as plain text with the command line, or view a document on a computer that is “air-gapped,” meaning that it is not connected to the internet. Make it impossible for your adversary to know you have the documents.

Uniqueness and Backflushing

If you are one of a limited number of individuals with access to the information you are releasing, then no matter how careful you are, it will be easy to trace you. This was the case with Reality Winner. In the criminal complaint filed against Winner, the FBI noted that only six individuals had accessed the document that was disclosed to The Intercept. When this document showed up on the website, the FBI had six individuals to start investigating, including Winner. Her unique trail quickly made her the most likely suspect. One way to combat uniqueness is by increasing the number of individuals who have access to a document before it is released.

Danielle Brian, executive director of the Project on Government Oversight, described a method that has been in use in D.C. for years: “backflushing.” Before disclosing a document, send it through official channels to as many legitimate places as possible. For example, include the document in a report and send the report to other departments. This makes it so others have the document as well, vastly reducing the uniqueness of your connection to the document. When you disclose the information later on, it will not be clear that you were in any way connected to it.

Another way to combat uniqueness is by gathering the data through a shared digital account, e.g., if someone else is logged into a computer and you copy a file while they are logged in, the document-gathering will be connected to them, not you. Of course, this should be done carefully and ethically, so as not to inadvertently cast blame on someone else. If possible, it’s better to hijack a shared network account. So consider how unique the connection between the information and your identity might be. There is protection to be gained by hiding in the crowd.

Theft and Misfiling

Corporations sometimes lash back at whistleblowers by filing criminal charges for theft of company property. So be aware that by taking documents off company property, you may open yourself up to a legal battle. This was one reason that SOC, a government security contractor, gave for firing Jennifer Glover, a security guard who had been sexually assaulted and harassed at work. Her termination letter stated that Glover had used her smartphone to take a photograph of the daily schedule, an act that they viewed as justifying her termination.

As an alternative to taking physical or digital documents, consider the misfiling technique. Hide copies of documents at work, either by misnaming digital files or by storing physical copies or USB sticks somewhere at work. In the future, you can “stumble upon” the copies, providing investigators with the information. They, not you, would then be removing property from company premises. The bottom line is that it might be helpful to have a backup copy of any important material stashed somewhere at work.

Sanitization

Sanitization is the process of removing, concealing, or cleaning up information in documents before you give them to someone else. Whether the documents you’re dealing with are physical or digital, images or videos, the same general process applies: you should overwrite, obscure, or remove any sensitive information. This process is ubiquitous the world over in redacting classified material to prepare it for release to the public. When attempting this, imagine that you are in a heist film: be meticulous, wear gloves, wipe down surfaces to remove fingerprints, and don’t leave anything that contains your DNA.

For those who are trying to disclose information, the process of sanitization is a little more complex, but there are two goals: 1) the removal of any information that could identify you, such as fingerprints, email addresses, or unique watermarks on documents; and 2) the removal of sensitive information that might harm someone else or have undue consequences if released, such as any company or government secrets or any personally identifiable information. This is where ethics and judgment come into play. Who would be harmed if this information were released? You don’t want to accidentally victimize (or revictimize) a colleague, accidentally reveal personal information that could compromise one’s reputation, or put a field agent in harm’s way.

To sanitize physical items with nonporous surfaces, such as USB sticks or hard drives, wipe them down with a cleaning product and towel. Paper documents and other porous surfaces are more difficult to sanitize. There are a number of techniques for attempting this, but most involve using an eraser and potentially a cornstarch mixture to remove any oils left by fingerprints. If you are providing someone with a device such as a hard drive, remove any serial numbers or identifying information that would make that product traceable, and of course, be sure to pay cash when buying any hardware that you might use. If you must provide physical documents, redact them first with a black marker or white-out and then photocopy them, providing a redacted copy instead of the original.

For digital documents, the process of sanitization can be broken down into two strategies: 1) redaction, the process of obfuscating information within a document; and 2) metadata removal, the process of deleting identifying traces from the document.

Text

Any text-based document (rich text files, DOC and DOCX formats, CSVs, Microsoft Excel files, PowerPoint files, Adobe InDesign files, etc.) should first be converted to a PDF. This can be done on most computers with either “print to PDF” or “export to PDF” functionality. The PDF should then be opened, and each page should be exported as an image and then redacted in image-editing software. Draw black boxes over areas of sensitive or identifying information in the images. Note: If you try to redact the documents from within the PDF, it will be done in layers, leaving the actual data underneath the black boxes. This will not technically remove the sensitive information. Similarly, it is important to use only image formats that do not include layers. If layers are included, someone can later remove the redaction layer and see the sensitive information underneath. JPG is a great image format to use, as it cannot save layers. After all of the images have been edited, they should be either recombined into a new PDF using a PDF viewer or given to someone as a set of images.

An alternative option is to use PDF Redact Tools, which automates those processes for you. It is currently available on Linux or macOS and comes bundled inside the Tails operating system.

Images

Images should be redacted just the same as text documents. Save them in a format without layers such as a JPG. Draw black boxes over any portions that need to be removed, then save them.

Video and Audio

Redaction of video and audio files can be a bit trickier, but the same basic process of obfuscating information applies. For videos, open them in a video editing program and either delete portions of the video or add black boxes over sensitive pieces. Then export the edited video. Audio files should be edited in an audio editor (Audacity is a good free choice), and portions of the recordings can be deleted or replaced with a standard sine wave tone (like a censorship bleep).

Remember, though, that there may be other information in audio and video recordings that isn’t obvious at first glance. Is there background noise or imagery that can be analyzed to determine the time and place it was taken? Are there reflections or other subtle pieces of data that could compromise you or someone else? Be very careful when it comes to audio and video, because so much information is contained in each file that it can be hard to think of every single thing that should be redacted.

Metadata Removal

Of course, if you are simply trying to get a video out, but trying to make it less obvious who it was shot by, removing the underlying capture information might be all that’s needed. This is where removing metadata comes into play.

Example of image meta data created by an iPhone

The image above is just a selection of the metadata produced by one photo taken with a smartphone. The metadata contains the model of the phone, the time it was taken, and possibly the location of the phone at the time of capture (if GPS location was enabled). This data needs to be removed if you are trying to make the photo, video, or any other type of file untraceable.

Before anything else, check the filename for anything that could identify you or your means of creating the image. If you have any doubt—rename it.

All digital files inherently contain some distinct information that identifies them: filename, creation date and time, last modified date and time, and file size. Some digital file formats contain even more information. Microsoft Word documents, for example, are known for automatically saving additional metadata, such as the authors who worked on the document and the names and locations of the computers where the file was saved. Unfortunately, with these documents and particularly with proprietary file formats, it might be difficult or near-impossible to remove all pieces of metadata. Instead, convert proprietary formats to simple open-source formats that have consistent metadata formatting.

Some file formats use standard data wrappers to store metadata, such as EXIF (exchangeable image file format) or XMP (Extensible Metadata Platform). These are used for almost all image formats and PDFs. By converting other documents into these formats, it becomes much easier to delete metadata and know that it is really gone.

To actually remove metadata from an image, a PDF, or a video file, open it with its corresponding editing software and look for options such as “Properties,” “Inspector,” or “Document Inspector.” This should open up a dialog with a list of all of the metadata fields and entries. Delete them all. You will also want to research format-specific metadata removal methods for specific file types. Audio and video files, such as MP3s or MP4s, for example, can have proprietary ID3 tags embedded within them—such as PRIV frames—that make it near impossible to know if they have been sanitized.

Alternatively, a number of applications can scrub metadata from particular file formats. Several applications can remove EXIF data from images, but the Android application “EZ UnEXIF Free (EXIF Remover)” is especially useful for those communicating via an anonymous smartphone or tablet. This application removes all EXIF data, including geolocation, from photos taken with an Android device.

The Metadata Anonymisation Toolkit (MAT) provides a simple interface for stripping metadata from a number of formats, including PNG, JPEG, PDF, MP3, and Microsoft Office Document formats. MAT comes installed on Tails. However, MAT currently hasn’t been updated since January 2016, essentially making it abandonware. Fortunately, MAT2, the replacement for MAT, is under active development and currently in beta. This is a great tool that can be used to sanitize a variety of files, but please check on its current development status online before using it.

Storage

Be cautious about where you store documentation. Never store documentation at work, unless you are following the misfiling method mentioned previously. You may feel that your desk or office is a safe space, but it isn’t. You can consider storing documents at home, but this is an obvious choice for all concerned. In many cases, those who are trying to disclose information have had their houses ransacked and searched by their adversaries, both legally and illegally. If a subpoena is filed, information in your home will not be protected.

A good strategy is to either store documents outside your home or office or give a backup copy of what you will be revealing to a trusted person for safekeeping. Daniel Ellsberg gave a copy of a classified nuclear study to his brother, who hid the documents under a large gas stove in a garbage dump. Unfortunately, while this protected them for a while, the documents were ultimately destroyed by water damage, and Ellsberg spent years trying to reconstitute the information they contained. Instead of your brother, choose a lawyer. In the United States, information stored with your attorney may be protected from search and seizure through attorney-client privilege. Of course, there are exceptions to this, which was the case in the raid on the office of President Trump’s former attorney Michael Cohen. If investigators can make the case that attorney-client privilege is being used “in furtherance of a contemplated or ongoing crime or fraud,” then they will be able to search a lawyer’s office under the crime-fraud exception.

All digital documentation should be stored on either encrypted USB drives or on an encrypted pseudonymous device, such as an encrypted tablet or a Tails USB drive. Documents should never be stored in the cloud or on a personal computer or device.

Excerpted from A Public Service: Whistleblowing, Disclosure and Anonymity published by O/R Books. © 2019 Tim Schwartz

https://boingboing.net/2020/01/09/documentation-gathering-sanit.html

[be-compromised]

Recathon 2020 Masterlist

Hello and welcome to the Recathon 2020 masterlist! This masterlist will be comprised of all recs posted to this post (all 144 of them!), with some small edits. Those edits are: (1) Duplicate recs have been discarded. Fics appear under the first theme they were rec'd under. (2) "Self rec" and "rec one of your own fics you think didn't get enough love" have been combined. Unless otherwise specified, all recs are Clint/Nat or Clint & Nat. Also, unless otherwise specified all recs are fanfiction. On to the rec list!

Stories set in/focused on/including IKEA. Some Assembly Required by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings: "They say that when you go to the seven circles of Hell, IKEA has taken over the suburbs and parts of the ring road.” Natasha and Clint enter an alien universe. Anything is Possible by @cassiesinsanity Gen, no warnings: It's 3 a.m. and Natasha is struggling to assemble an IKEA bed. Clint is woken up by her loud cursing and now they're in it together, both figuratively AND literally. #27 IKEA by @nympheline Teen, post-Avengers, angst: Clint and Natasha will never have normal lives. They have accepted this as fact. Once a month, they pretend by putting on some old rings and going to Ikea to pick out furniture. Or to Home Depot to look at paint samples. Or to Walmart to check out baby clothes. Because they will never have normal lives, but it’s nice to pretend. Things We Learn About Each Other at Ikea by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse) Chapter 7 of Drips and Drabs from Alliterative Domiciles, part of the Alliterative Domiciles series Teen, no warnings: Natasha and Clint in Ikea. Consumer Affairs by @galwednesday Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: “Tom,” Sara, the Senior Marketing Associate, said levelly, “if you don’t let me promote our bedroom product line using the Winter Soldier’s tweet reviews, I will quit. I will quit today. I will leave you high and dry with a junior marketing associate and an intern, Tom. The intern just started last week. He doesn’t even know how to work the copier yet.” Comedy! Frank & Matt: A Summary by Ariel Video. Matt Murdoch and Frank Castle. captain america | crack!vid 2 and captain america | crack!vid 3 by chrissy mae Video. Exactly what it says on the tin. Cursed Fork by canistakahari Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: There is a cursed fork in Steve’s cutlery drawer. Life of Crime by neveralarch Clint/Carol, Clint/Nat/Bucky, Kate/America, explicit, cntw: A supervillain AU where Clint shoots arrows at people and gets beat up a lot. So, not really that much of an AU. It's Raining Men by DailyAsgardianNews Video. Again, exactly what it says on the tin. xD Here Are All the Sensations of Being Alive by prettyasadiagram Gen, cntw: Contrary to what Clint likes to tell the new SHIELD agents, Natasha does have hobbies other than coming up with new and impressive ways to kill people with her thighs, even though the slight flinches and rabbit-quick swallows in the hallway are always hilarious. Natasha and a bedazzler. The Amazing Naked Avengers by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: There were Avenger-sized mouse traps all over the damn bunker. All about as effective. Meaning no one got killed, but everyone is naked and bleeding a little. The Great Avengers Body Swap by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: Loki and the Avengers spend a month in SHIELD's detention cells, because Loki cast a bodyswapping spell against them and got himself with it, too. The Importance Of Being Spidey by @copperbadge and @scifigrl47 Gen, no warnings: The Daily Bugle has some peculiar ideas about Clint Barton and a spandex bodysuit. Extracurricular Activities by @scifigrl47 Gen with background pairings, teen, no warnings: New York has a party for any taste. Some people like high class lounges. Some enjoy a good dive bar. There are gay bars and techno clubs and all night raves. And somewhere out there, there's a club where the dancers are dressed like Super Heroes, and Spider-Man may or may not be their headliner. Let's face it, the everyone assumed that Clint would be the first Avenger to take up pole dancing. He's a little distressed he's been beaten to the punch. Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark's Super Villain Name by @scifigrl47 Gen with background pairings, teen, no warnings: Look, I’m just going to say SHIELD team building exercise with paintballs. Transfer Students by @copperbadge Gen, teen, no warnings: Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School. The Immortal Hawkeye by @copperbadge Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint's a little older than he looks, and his DNA has a few surprises in store, too. Leader Of The Free World by @copperbadge Gen with Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint Barton's presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn't end that way, except for Steve. 5 Times Steve Got Arrested and 1 Time They All Did by @heartsdesire456 Steve/Bucky, Clint/Phil, teen, no warnings: What it says, 5 times Steve Rogers ended up in jail (with and without Bucky) + 1 time all of the Avengers got arrested with him. Cap3 helicopter scene but with My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion by @darlingpeggys Video, uploaded to YouTube by punkrockchewbacca Clint/Other and Nat/Other recs Prince Charming by @brendaonao3 Steve/Bucky, Steve/Thor, Clint/Wanda, explicit, no warnings: Bucky's not looking for a girl, he doesn't need anyone for the long haul. Then he meets Steve Rogers and discovers that what he's looking for in a relationship isn't a girl at all. in deep with you by @topaz119 Clint/Darcy, mature, no warnings: Darcy could have, under normal circumstances, resisted the aesthetics (however awesome they are, and holy crap are they awesome), but there's an itch under her skin—apparently, nearly dying by giant, fire-breathing robots from space in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico will start you questioning your life choices. Who knew? assume a defensive stance by hoosierbitch. Clint/Bruce, teen, no warnings: No one can understand why Bruce and Clint are together. Clint's loud, brash, irritating--exactly what Bruce doesn't need in his life. fast, thorough, sharp as a tack by @quidnunc-life Natasha/Maria, teen, no warnings: Natasha likes getting a rise out of Hill when nobody else can. longing for the last time by @quidnunc-life Natasha/Valkyrie, teen, no warnings: After they imprisoned Hela, after all her sisters fell to inglorious deaths, the last Valkyrie swore she would not love again. In Your Likeness by hailtherandom Clint/Natasha/Sam, explicit, no warnings, post-WS: In which Sam gets a mysterious package from a mysterious person and, after a spell of feelings and a trip to Switzerland, both of those mysterious things get used quite a bit, much to everyone's delight. Two (Sort Of) Truths and One Complete Lie by igrockspock Clint/Melinda May, teen, no warnings: Melinda May was married once. Good luck finding out to whom. Fic with low kudos/comments Smoke on the Horizon by AuroraShard Teen, major character death, post-IW: Clint falls back on old coping mechanisms after the events of Endgame. Pepper joins him. A short fic about dealing with grief. We Are Family by SneakyHufflepuff. Mature, cntw: Natasha had sister-relationships with some of the other girls in the Red Room, and Nat was hardly the only one to escape. Turns out Clint's going to have to meet the family after all. Self-recs/a story of yours that you wish got more attention the shorter story by @cloud--atlas Mature, cntw: "be careful what you wish for" is written in matter-of-fact writing on the little sign by the entrance. he only wishes to be dry, and idly he wonders if there is any way even that can go wrong. Portrait of an Outlaw by RedBirdBella Teen, cntw: Clint is an undercover police officer working to convict a gang of cat-burglars. After being unearthed he’s beaten up and left for dead in an alley. From his hospital bed, he’s asked to work with a sketch artist to put together portraits for each gang member. Unfortunately, he can only remember one. Diamonds and Rust by @alphaflyer Clint & Kate, gen, no warnings: Kate is back; there's going to be laundry. Driver Choses The Music by inkvoices Teen, mild self-harm: Clint shoves his bag in the trunk of the car – a standard, bland SHIELD undercover ride – and doesn’t ask how Nat acquired the keys. Doesn’t ask how, or even if, she’s gotten permission to take him off base, doesn’t ask what’s in the bag she shoved in his arms on their way out, doesn’t ask what they’re doing in a SHIELD garage at ass o’clock in the morning. Doesn’t care. Some Strings Attached by @topaz119 Explicit, no warnings: "You," Natasha says slowly, "thought we should do something for Valentine's Day?" Five Unrelated Rescues and One Reunion by @crazy4orcas Teen, cntw: Rescue: to free or deliver from confinement, violence, danger, or evil. Reunion: an instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation. Show a Little Faith (There's Magic in the Night) by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings, Dust Bowl AU: Riding the rails in the last bitter winter of the dust bowl years, two drifters encounter something they haven't seen before. Personal comfort fics Woman in the Crosshairs by @freaoscanlin Teen, no warnings: In which Clint has a new hobby and Natasha isn't curious, until she is. Black Widow and Hawkeye, their partnership—and what it means—throughout the years. The Only John Wayne Left in this Town by @gyzym Clint/Darcy, teen, no warnings: Clint's got a secret love, and it's spelled b-a-n-j-o. and at night be warm by @quidnunc-life Teen, no warnings: If Kate would've just talked to him about the Dog Cops finale, then Clint wouldn't be lying in bed, staring pointlessly at the ceiling, when the Insomniacs Anonymous radio show comes on at 1 AM and changes his life three minutes at a time. The First Annual Avengers Convention by starandrea Clint/Phil, teen, no warnings: With damage estimates topping $100 billion, New York City faces a long and expensive road back. Charity organizations have stepped in to support the Red Cross and provide long-term relief, but the economy is struggling and money has to come from somewhere. Everyone wants a piece of the Avengers. Who better to help fundraise than the heroes themselves? Amateur Theatrics by galaxysoup Gen, teen, no warnings: In which Thor’s primary problem-solving method (a mighty blow from Mjolnir) fails to have the desired effect on a magical artefact, and his secondary method (a mightier blow from Mjolnir) proves to be actively disastrous. The Observable Universe by Serea Okelani (sarea) Teen, no warnings, Jane POV: Jane has a low tolerance for stupidity. Clint and Natasha take exception to being called stupid. Catching Bullets in our Teeth by anothercover Clint/Laura, Clint/Nat, mature, no warnings, slow burn divorce AU: Retirement, it turns out, is not a thing that Clint is adjusting to very well. Or, you know, at all. It didn't occur to him that when he dropped the team, it would mean he'd lose Natasha, too. Under the Mountain by flawedamythyst Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint and Bucky get trapped in a cave. Natasha and Kate Bishop friendship fics All Night, All Right by MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) Kate/America, Clint/Nat, teen, no warnings: Despite being young and rich and hot and awesome, Olympic gold medalist archer Kate Bishop finds herself in a bar acting like the world’s saddest, dullest cliché: Area Twentysomething Drinks Alone Because Her Ex Is Getting Married Next Weekend. But then, from across the room, she catches the eye of a girl with a wicked smile and an even better right hook. Things start to look up after that. High School/Uni AUs A Whole Month of Detention by @marvelousmsmarvel Teen, no warnings: The first detention was his fault. The second detention was his fault. Not surprisingly the whole month of detentions to follow were his fault too, but Natasha had to admit, marking her flawless record with a whole month of detentions was the best thing she'd ever done. Just A Little Bit True by @lissadiane Clint/Bucky, gen, cntw: Clint is good at cheerleading and bad at flirting and has been pining for Steve Rogers broody best friend for years. Naked Pantomime in the Dark by @intosnarkness Steve/Tony, Thor/Jane, Clint/Natasha, teen, cntw, Modern High School Theatre AU: Clint Barton has been at Carver High for six weeks when they draft him into the theatre department, and his life is never the same. Two for the Show by mousie-tongue Mature, cntw: After her uncle is taken, young Natasha Romanov ends up in state's custody at a group home. She can tough it out alone... but somehow fellow resident Clint Barton becomes the reason she doesn't have to. Wet Hot Avengers Summer by Sarea Okelani (sarea) Clint/Nat, Tony/Pepper, Thor/Jane, teen, cntw: At summer camp, Clint’s met the girl of his dreams. Then he meets her four brothers. Circus or carnivale AUs On the Nature of Dust by inkvoices Mature, no warnings, 1930s dust bowl AU: For as long as he can remember Clint has always been getting into trouble for seeing things that he shouldn’t, or rather for getting caught at it. Oklahoma, 1934, and this time trouble comes in the form of a girl. No Magic Would Save Me by arsenicarcher (Arsenic) Gen, mature, cntw: Once upon a time, an angel with the unlikely name of Pepper came to the circus, and took Clint away. some moments more spectacular than others by @quidnunc-life Mature, no warnings: When Janet suggests a team bonding event, Natasha thinks she means… an art gallery, a movie, even bowling. Something like that. Not the circus. Not clowns. Not falling head over heels for a professional circus archer with an affinity for purple, slushies, and purple slushies. Cover Another Black Eye by @lostemotion Clint/Nat, Clint/Bobbi, teen, some child abuse: History will dub it the summer of love. Natasha neither knows nor cares about love, never has, expects she never will, but history's got one thing right: it's the summer when everything changes. Natasha and the Amazing Hawkeye(s) by @freaoscanlin Gen, teen, no warnings: It starts because somebody orders a hit on the Amazing Hawkeye. No, not that Amazing Hawkeye. The other Amazing Hawkeye. scramble in the summer sky by paperclipbitch Kate/America, background Clint/&Nat, teen, no warnings: Kate’s first week, when she was still pretty sure this was a terrible idea and also not one that real people actually had – seriously, in the twenty-first century, who ran away with the circus – America came up to her three days in and said without preamble: “is anyone going to come looking for you, Princess?” Space AUs The Highest State of Friendship by inkvoices Teen, no warnings: A futuristic space AU in which bounty hunters Natasha and Clint aren’t married. Actually they’re supposed to be hunting each other. We Have Done the Impossible series by Telaryn Explicit, cntw, Firefly fusion, baby fic: Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff were born - and in Natasha's case bred - to serve the Alliance. No one cared when they began sleeping together; under Alliance law an Operative like Natasha could take as many sexual partners as she liked so long as it didn't interfere with her duties. - A baby would interfere. In Two Straight Lines In Rain or Shine by OracleGlass Gen, no warnings, Firefly crossover: "On that barren dustball known as Budapest, Firefly picks up an odd pair of passengers. Homeward Bound: The Adventures of the USS Avenger in the Delta Quadrant by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings, Star Trek fusion: Sent to track the rebel ship Black Widow and to try and persuade her captain and certain of her crew members to work with Starfleet in defeating the Chitauri invaders, the USS Avenger finds itself displaced to the other side of the galaxy. And that was before the Black Widow opened fire... No Straight Lines by anonymous Teen, no warnings, Firefly AU: “It's curved. You'd end up at the starting point.” Natasha pauses, tilts her head. “Space doesn't have an end,” she adds, trailing her fingers across his shoulders as she passes. Old school, post-2012, they all move into the Tower fics if you let me through the door we can let the world in by @geniusorinsanity Background parings, teen, no warnings: Tony Stark has always wanted a clubhouse. He gets something more than that. Exclusive by @copperbadge Canon pairings, teen, no warnings: Heroes In Manhattan: From Captain America's Hidden Talents To The Truth About The Hulk, We Debunk The Myths And Expose The Daily Lives Of The Avengers. In Great Transition by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: One by one, the Avengers move into Stark Tower. well, let the drumbeat drop by jonesandashes and @pollyrepeat Gen, no warnings: Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him. Culture and Other Balls of Twine by LithiumDoll Gen, no warnings: “Okay, I realize this could appear to be poorly conceived - to those of limited vision - but what you have to understand is, I’ve actually just had the greatest, most outstanding idea ever.” Tony’s eyes searched heavenward and then he nodded soberly. “Yes, I believe history will consider this my triumph.” To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes Background pairings, teen, no warnings: They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation. Experts at the Fall by @enigma731 Gen, no warnings: After the Battle of New York, Natasha just wants things to go back to normal. But that’s not so easy considering that normal means being a spy, and her partner’s decided to be a superhero instead. And it’s especially difficult when her new assignment from S.H.I.E.L.D. is to collect intel on the Avengers. Fics where Natasha isn't as confident as she likes to pretend to have a home by oceanofchaos Background/past pairings, gen, no warnings: She doesn’t need other people, but she’s beginning to think she might want them. She buries herself in her work instead. Bouncing Baby Sniper by vain_glorious Clint/Nat, Steve/Peggy, teen, no warnings: Clint is actually Peggy Carter's grandson. Favourite kinky fics Get Some by @eiluned Explicit, het anal, butt plug, DP: He had just taken a big drag of coffee, savoring the sugary leftovers at the bottom of his mug, when she turned to him and out of the blue said, "I want you to fuck me in the ass." Cue epic spittake. your mileage may vary by Nonymous Explicit, past abuse, latex, BDSM: Clint's not really sure how to handle this whole BDSM thing. Natasha's not really sure how to handle Clint Barton. But she's definitely gonna give it the ol' college try. Moving the Furniture by @copperbadge Steve/Natasha, mature, friends with benefits: Steve thinks about sex a lot, and he'd like to have some, if he could just stop being an idiot around the people he'd like to have it with. Dropping Glasses Just to Hear Them Break by @lostemotion Explicit, cntw: Clint's mission to kill the Black Widow ends up a disaster when he runs into a third party in the field and finds himself being turned from hunter to hunted. His former target offers her assistance, and soon he's in for a whole other brand of trouble. Favourite poly fics runaways are running the night by anothercover Clint/Nat/Bucky, other parings, explicit, cntw: Natasha, Nakia, Okoye, Jessica Jones, and Valkyrie are the War Dogs: an all-girl rock band navigating their sudden explosion of hard-won success. Clint is a stand-up comedian. Bucky works security. Good People by @paperairplanesopenwindows​ Clint/Nat/Laura, teen, no warnings: "You have ‘Thank God you didn’t die when SHIELD fell’ sex with your wife and partner once and then your partner runs for the hills and your wife turns into a lovesick teenager.” She's My Cherry Pie by sheis-theslayer Clint/Nat/Laura, Nat/Laura focus, explicit, no warnings: If Laura Barton has said it once, she has said it a thousand times: no one touches the food while she's cooking. Especially if it's her pies. But Natasha Romanoff never listens. Alliterative Domiciles by Vera_DragonMuse [series] Pepper/Tony/Bruce, Clint/Nat, cntw: Fluff, schmoop and Tower shenanigans Little Stranger by Not_You OT6, gen, pregnancy: Natasha is not fit to be a mother. She is bitterly aware of this, sitting on the closed lid of her toilet and watching another test come up positive. A Safety in the End by @cloud--atlas​ [series] Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen to explicit, cntw: The relationship adventures of Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov and James "Bucky" Barnes RedStar by @cloud--atlas​ [series] Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen, angst, musician AU: “Clint,” Kate says slowly as two figures emerge from the house, their shapes so achingly familiar Clint wants to wrap himself up in them and never, ever let go. “Are you friends with James Barnes and Natasha Romanov of fucking RedStar!?” this is how it began (this is the secret between) by @notcaycepollard​ Clint/Nat/Laura, mature, no warnings: "Laura's a translator for SHIELD," Natasha tells him. "We're keeping her." i am on a lonely road and i am travelling (looking for the key to set me free) by irnan Nat/Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Wherein Natasha Romanov has a bucket list and a metaphorical feelings-cat, joins the Victoria Hand Rescue Society Inc, and is absolutely not dating either or both of her super-soldier BFFs from the 1940s, no matter what Nick Fury thinks. Friends and Ex-Lovers by @scifigrl47​ Clint/Bucky/Nat, mature, no warnings: Natasha knows exactly what a good thing she's got. She just thinks it could be better Three Step by @copperbadge​ Nat/Steve/Bucky, mature, no warnings: "How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of three-way relationship?" Keeping Steve by @copperbadge​ Steve/Tony/Pepper, explicit, no warnings: The gifts from Tony and Pepper are nice, and Steve secretly likes showing off signs that he belongs to them -- until some offhanded teasing from Clint makes him wonder if they're gifts from his lovers or payment for services rendered. Hide and Seek by @cassiesinsanity​ Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen, no warnings: There are reasons you should never break into your friends' houses. Kate finds out one of them. Favourite fics 1000 words or less Slow and Simple Melody by limned Teen, no warnings: Today he isn’t expecting to find Natasha awake in the communal living room at two-thirty in the morning, but it’s a pleasant surprise. You Are My Sweetest Downfall by @nympheline​ Teen, mild angst: You know how Natasha’s hair is really long in Iron Man 2 and then for the Avengers it’s completely chopped off? I like to think that’s because she got hurt in a mission in between and loses her hair because of a really serious head injury and Clint’s just going to be a mess because she’s hurt and she won’t say much because she never does. And he tells her she’s beautiful anyway. tower of babel by @sweetwatersong​ Gen, no warnings: Someone very cleverly thinks up a spell to keep the Avengers from talking to each other. They've fallen victim to one of the classic villain blunders, though: Never underestimate Hawkeye. account rendered by Siria Gen, no warnings: Clint lies in the debrief. Favourite Clint/Laura fics Repair Work by igrockspock Clint/Laura, gen, no warnings: Clint says, “I'm retired. One hundred percent. Done with Avenging.” Laura says, “Will that be for five minutes, or for five days?” Fragments by @intosnarkness​ Clint/Laura, teen, no warnings: Clint Barton has brought home strays before, but never one as dangerous as Natasha Romanoff. small town girl by @topaz119​ [series] Clint/Laura, teen to explicit, no warnings: “Oh, nice,” Laura said. “A smartass.” Holding Out For A Hero by @alphaflyer​ Clint/Laura, gen, no warnings: Cooper Barton pens an essay about his father; Laura does damage control. Clint helps (sort of). Topical: favourite trapped/isolated/quarantine fics Time, Baby by cat_77 Teen, cntw: A mission gone horribly wrong leaves Clint and Natasha trapped, injured, and suffering a slow death of suffocation. Time and each other: they have one and kind of need to steal some more of the other. Chasing the Light by Sarea Okelani (sarea) Teen, medical/quarantine/virus themes: A mission that goes awry tests two assassins and their partnership. Kate sets up Clint and Natasha How To Win Friends and Influence People by @cloud--atlas​ Gen, no warnings: For the prompt: Bookshop AU. One is bookseller/bookshop owner, the other a customer. Instead of talking one of them tries expressing feelings through the books they buy. Hawkeye's Pet Supplies by SneakyHuffelpuff Gen, no warnings: For the prompt: AU where Clint and Kate work at a pet supply store. Natasha is a frequent customer, and Kate is suspicious of her motives. Serendipity by silverfoxflower Teen, no warnings: "Why are you still in bed?" Kate demands, kicking at a corner of Clint’s mattress, which, rude. Why were girls and cats always so rude to him. By the Book by @alphaflyer​ Teen, no warnings: Clint Barton's love life isn't just a car crash, it's a multi-vehicle pile-up. Kate decides to lend a hand. Five of Clint’s Relationships that Kate Didn’t Approve of (And One That She Does) by @alphaflyer​ Teen, no warnings: Exactly what it says on the tin Poste Restante by @alphaflyer​ Teen, no warnings: The vials with live pathogens, alien prosthetics and ant colonies aren't the worst things Clint's friends drop off at his place for each other. Matters don't really get hairy for Kate until Natasha Romanoff shows up, with a heart-shaped box that says "Neuhaus". Favourite AUs Brown and Gold by Koren M (CyberMathWitch) Teen, no warnings, Dragonriders of Pern AU: What if they were different people in a different place and time? (A time that just happened to have dragons.) Soiree by ruby_caspar Teen, no warnings, a Georgette Heyer Regency AU: The Dowager Duchess known as the Black Widow is the talk of the ton - rich and mysterious, the only way to meet this elusive lady is through the equally mysterious Mr Barton… no light in this valley by trysts Teen, cntw, wild west AU: It was a good way to end a bad year, Clint figured. Tomorrow Then by @scribblemyname​ Teen, no warnings, reincarnation AU: Neither of them remembers where it started. There is eternity and the earth tilting in the heavens, but there is no beginning. They are not human enough yet for beginnings. Maps by @cloud--atlas​ Teen, cntw, reincarnation AU: Natasha won't let go, no matter what he becomes. Mr. & Mrs. Barton (Or: Why Natasha Sends Jennifer Aniston an Annual Apologetic Fruit Basket) by @geniusorinsanity​ Explicit, cntw, Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married. Boy and girl neglect to do background checks. Not a Day Goes By (Not a Single Day) by @intosnarkness​ [HSAU Theatre 'Verse] Gen, no warnings: A Coda: On the life and times of Clint and Natasha Yesterday, Upon the Stair by @intosnarkness​ Mature, cntw: When she was little Natasha had an imaginary friend. But like all little girls, she learned to forget him as she grew up. So imagine her surprise when one day she comes face to face with her old friend. And he's pointing an arrow at her heart. Talking Like Peter Lorre by @freaoscanlin​ Gen, no warnings: Clint has a very important question for fellow zoologist, Dr. Natasha Romanoff. Or: the AU where they’re all scientists in Antarctica and everybody is cold. All Under Heaven by @cloud--atlas​ Teen, cntw: Wherein Clint and Natalia are nature documentary filmmakers, filming for the BBC in Guilin, China. We Together Make A City by @cloud--atlas​ Mature, no warnings: Written for the prompt: Clint was/is a musician. Soft Landing by @cloud--atlas​ Teen, no warnings: Natasha Mends broken hearts. It's easy until it's not. Here I Dreamt I Was A Soldier by @sugarfey​ Mature, cntw: Bletchley Park, 1942: Women are recruited from across the country to decode enemy transmissions. The war stories of Maria Hill, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers and Kate Bishop. Like campfires in the dark by @scribblemyname​ [series] Mature, cntw: There is nowhere to run, nowhere to escape the Great Strangeness creeping over the earth. They don't need to run. Clint Barton, Vampire Slayer by Sproid Mature, violence: The adventures of Clint Barton, Vampire Slayer. Or, how to be a Slayer while working for SHIELD and with the Avengers. Something that made you go: "Wow! This person knows what they are talking about!" Habeas Matrimonium by @crystallitanie​ Teen, no warnings: Five times Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton pretended to be hitched (and one time... well) In The Service: Three Times Hawkeye Questions His Orders (And One Time He Doesn’t) by @alphaflyer​ Teen, cntw: Some Government jobs are more … complicated than others. Samsara by xahra99 Teen, no warnings: Burning down a monastery isn't the worst thing they've ever done. Natasha and Clint take on a mission in Tibet. Everything isn't quite as it seems... Domestic Clint/Natasha Junk Food and Dirty Socks: A Love Story by igrockspock Gen, no warnings: Clint and Natasha show their love in unusual ways. Exciting Adventures in Cohabitation by igrockspock Teen, no warnings: Clint and Natasha try to navigate the mundane problems of living together. Like how someone can't be bothered to pick up her damn socks, and somebody else keeps leaving empty milk cartons in the fridge. Friendship fics Frequently Asked Questions by Mad_Maudlin Clint&Kate, teen, memory loss: Today is Monday, March 18th. You started losing your memories yesterday. still officially lost by @pollyrepeat​ Clint&Coulson, teen, no warnings: ���Barton has clearly imprinted on you,” Fury starts, and keeps talking right over Phil’s knee-jerk, horrified, “He has not,” to seal Phil’s doom by saying, “so I’ve decided that you’re going to take primary responsibility for him from now on.” something good waitin' down this road by defcontwo Clint&Kate, gen, no warnings: Hawkeyes' House Rules for Dog Ownership and Other Misadventures. Or: Clint, Kate, a dog, and a study in moving forward. When push comes to Chevre by @copperbadge​ Bucky&Various, gen, Bucky Barnes acquires a plot of land in Wakanda, buys some goats, grows peanuts and sweet potatoes, and fosters a wayward rhinoceros. That's it, that's the story. Silhouette by @mariana-oconnor​ Clint/Bucky, Steve&Bucky, Clint&Natasha, mature, cntw: After a mission in Mexico goes wrong, SHIELD Agents Barnes and Rogers are given the job of hunting down the notorious Hawkeye and the Black Widow, the only problem being: no one even knows what they look like. On the other side of the law, Clint's enjoying messing with their new SHIELD shadows, especially seeing how close he can get to Agent Barnes without him realising, but he makes the mistake of getting attached, and that makes everything more complicated. Best Kept Secret by AlchemyAlice Tony&Natasha, teen, no warnings: In which there is a secret friendship, and Tony can’t deal with feelings, so Natasha has to do it for him. These two features may or may not be related. Heartbreak and angst we were emergencies by @gyzym Explicit, cntw (please see story notes): It's not about being unmade; it's about remaking, one aching step at a time. This Bitter Earth by @cloud--atlas Teen, cntw, dystopia: The only beautiful things here are her and the stars. And he can’t reach the stars. White Blank Page by allisnow Mature, cntw: Debt is beautiful only after it has been repaid. Not Easily Conquered by dropdeaddream and WhatAreFears [series] Steve/Bucky, Steve/Peggy, Clint/Natasha, mature, cntw: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” Peggy says, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” Warp and Weft by legete Mature, body horror: The muscle apparently talked a little much for Loki's liking. Now Natasha has to pick out the stitches. Favourite long!fic your blue-eyed boys by Feather (lalaietha) [series] and the related series [to see you there] (Clint/Nat, Bruce/Betty and Tony/Pepper) and (even if i could) make a deal with god (Steve/Bucky) Various pairings, teen to explicit, extensive warnings - please see tags, canon-divergent after WS: post-Winter Soldier recovery fic > Specifically: what i thought, what i said (Clint/&Natasha, Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings) and [your albatross: carry it with no regrets] (Mature, no warnings: Five moments in Clint Barton's life.) To Be Vulnerable is Needed Most of All by perfect_plan Steve/Bucky, Clint/Nat, mature, mental illness and PTSD: Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes. Hyperfocal Distance by @freaoscanlin Teen, cntw: The AU where Natasha is an investigative journalist and Clint has a camera and is pretty good at shooting things with it. we are for each other by @quidnunc-life Steve/Maria, Clint/Natasha, teen, post-Avengers, no warnings: SHIELD has fallen, and Steve and Natasha deal with the questions that fell with the Triskelion: who are they, and who do they want to be? Which parts of their pasts are they going to rescue from the rubble? Where do they belong? letting me in or letting me go by @quidnunc-life Teen, no warnings: Natasha Romanoff has worked hard to become a successful member of SHIELD Investigations, and her hard work pays off when she lands a major job investigating corporate espionage at Stark Industries with Clint Barton and his apprentice, Kate. Working with other people isn't Natasha's forte, and she has her reasons for preferring to work alone; but Clint is charming and Kate is irrepressible, and soon Natasha finds herself wrapped up in a case that could prove to shake the skeletons out of her closet and upend everything, including the friendship (or more?) that's started to develop between her and Clint. Agent, Archer, Widow, Spies by @alphaflyer [series] Teen, cntw, James Bond fusion, excellent mission fics. Brooklyn Baby by sprinkle_of_cinnamon Bucky/Steve, Clint/Nat, mature, no warnings, AU: In which Bucky is just trying to live life and enjoy his unofficial official table at the obnoxiously hipster coffee shop but some guy named Steve stole his spot. Or, the time that Bucky unintentionally befriended the Avengers and had no idea. but the sky is the same by @sweeter-than Teen, no warnings: Takes place one year after Clint makes the unexpected choice to bring Natasha Romanov in from the cold. They've become co-workers and acquaintances, but Natasha is still as much a mystery to Clint as she was on the day he was first sent to target her. A story about making friends and making choices, set against the backdrop of daily life at SHIELD.

[desparikon]

Murdoc/Mac + s4 distress

I really like the idea of The Merchant, Murdoc, and Helman all trapped in the black site together, but the lack of Murdoc’s screeching of ‘BFF Angus Visiting Someone Other Than Me?!?!’ was disappointing, so maybe Murdoc just...got bored and escaped.

(The Merchant is supposed to be in the black site, right? Because when Mac breaks Scarlett out, her cell looked the same, but it was in the Phoenix building. So just a case of reusing sets?)

Tonight wasn't going to be a good night.

Mac stared at the beer in his fridge. Was he really doing this? Riley and Desi had left maybe 15 minutes ago. Starting to drink now wasn’t an admission of fear of being alone with his thoughts; it was just taking advantage of the alone time.

No. No. Get involved with something else.

He shut the fridge and sighed, plodding back across the room, and up the stairs to the veranda. His many projects scattered about, in various stages of completion, mocked him. None of them were currently appealing, despite his fingers’ itch for activity. Why was he so often bored, yet could never focus long enough to see one through?

No time for idlness. The world needs saving.

Codex, the impending apocalypse, his aunt. He wanted to hate what they stood for, but deep down, admitted there was some logic to it. And he wanted the familial connection to have a solid place in the world. His dad, his mom’s good memory, his chance at any normal family members, gone. Jack, MIA. His friends wouldn’t be far behind, thanks to his growing indecisiveness and unreliability. Being alone hurt, but it was better to push them away before he burdened them with his feelings, his existence. Any deaths due to his failures already ate at him. Having any one of their deaths on him would literally kill him.

It was too heavy. His life was shattering into a million pieces, and all he could do was watch as the shards slipped through his fingers. He wanted to go back. Back to when every little thing didn't lead to catastrophe. Repairing one shard, at the expense of all the others. It was exhausting.

He couldn't fight the darkness. Not tonight. He was going to lock himself in his room, and drink as much of his hidden stash as possible. Since his brain insisted on lacking an off switch, he’d shut it down by force.

The exciting prospect of hard alcohol, and the warm, blanketing buzz it’d bring, lifted his mood. The fuzziness would come quick, and it’d be his little secret. No awkwardness. No prying. No ‘Mac, there were a dozen beers--’

The force from plowing into an unexpected obstacle jolted him into a backwards stumble.

“Attacking me already! I haven’t even done anything yet!”

“Murdoc.” His sudden appearance stunned Mac. All the time that’d passed without incident since Murdoc had escaped had left him secretly saddened that Murdoc had grown bored of him. Ironically, at a time when their worldviews were becoming closer aligned.

“Do you have to sound so disappointed?”

“I’m not disappointed, just...surprised. Thought you’d finally gotten tired of me.”

“Tired of you?” His slightly narrowed eyes and suspicious expression warned Mac that his indifferent front was failing. Murdoc was picking up on something.

Dammit! He had to be careful, and get this perfect; any sign of weakness, and Murdoc would discover everything (if he hadn’t already), and use that knowledge to give the one, final tap to destroy him.

What a waste of their cat and mouse games.

“I could never get tired of you, MacGyver. I—actually, more so you—have been busy.”

Mac retreated to the kitchen sink, hoping to find dishes, empty cans, anything, to distract him from Murdoc’s interpretation of the chaos his life had fallen into, but Murdoc followed, settling himself onto the counter.

“The Phoenix shutting down, forcing you into an ordinary life. Your genius being wasted on low-level teaching gigs. Painful. It’s a shame I wasn’t around to help.”

“I...survived.”

“As you do. But wait! From the ashes, Phoenix gets bought and reopened, returning to its former glory under new management! I love that! It’s beautiful. Gets you right here.” Murdoc patted a fist over his heart.

“You always manage to keep track of me.”

“I pride myself on being informed about your life.”

Mac rubbed the back of his neck, and shrugged his shoulders to prevent them from locking up further. Murdoc said all that so casually, like the whole time hadn’t been miserable, but most noticeable was the lack of mention about Codex or his dad’s death. Surely Murdoc still had enough connections to know of them, but maybe he didn’t realize Mac’s personal stake.

That’s what he needed. Someone who wasn’t involved in this whole train wreck. Murdoc had liked him when he’d been blinded by idealism. Maybe he’d like the new, damaged Mac. Even if he hadn’t been the cause.

“We’re besties, and I consider you and Team Phoenix to be my pet project. Speaking of, your new boss is interesting, kinda strange fit for The Phoenix, don’t you think? Can’t imagine him and Matilda get along too well. Now don’t get jealous, but I think I’d like to meet him.”

“Russ would just love that, as I’m sure the views through the cameras weren’t enough.”

“I know, I know. Everyone loves me, but I’m more impressive in person.” Murdoc directed an offended glare in his direction, “Don’t snort, Angus. You know it’s true.”

His confidence was undeterred by Mac’s knowing smile. “Also noticed that the newbie stuck around. Since she’s going to stay awhile, I think new introductions are in order.”

“Her fist to your face?”

“And Bozer made a movie! Good for him! I need to congratulate him. At his new place, since you have New Roomie Riley now. She’s too good for some tech shop. All of you. Too good for an ordinary life.”

“You’re full of compliments tonight.”

“While I wish they’d be used for better purposes, I’ve always appreciated the skills each of you have. ‘Cept when they’re being used to hunt me.”

Murdoc’s playful grin was infectious, almost making him forget that Murdoc could choose to be a threat whenever he got bored. Ugh, so cute. It was embarrassing how attractive he found Murdoc, even just physically.

“By the way, when’s she moving to Desiree’s? Seriously. Took them forever to leave. I was starting to think I’d have to sneak in through the rooftop portal in your room.”

Typical Murdoc, pleased to talk about stalking, and breaking and entering. The eagerness to talk to Mac hadn’t changed, and it made him smile, even as guilt began creeping in. He’d said terrible things to Murdoc, personal attacks that weren’t necessary, and at times when it’d been uncalled for. How long had he railed Murdoc when they’d gone to Colombia? And how could he forget how the viciousness he’d directed at Murdoc, even after he’d already surrendered to Phoenix’s custody? After everything, why did Murdoc still like him so much?

“When’s it my turn to be nosy?”

“You want to know more about me?! Ohmygosh, this is-- I’m going to cry.” Murdoc fake sniffled, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

“Two things?”  

“Shoot.”

“OK, how’d you escape?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

Mac mirrored Murdoc’s smirk. “C’mon. Never? Even if it’d impress the audience?”

Murdoc smiled, despite a huff. “Is it more impressive that I didn’t plan it? Saw the opportunity, and took it. Improvised. Y’know, I think you’ve been a bigger influence on me than I realized.”

“Can you really call it an opportunity, though? Since you had to kill every other person in the building.”

“Oh, I can’t take credit for all that. Just Helman.”

“What? How…? You were the only survivor.”

Murdoc waved a dismissive hand at Mac’s bewilderedness, “I didn’t waste my time on the guards; they weren’t in my way. Everyone was too busy shooting each other, even before lights went out, or the “critical system failure”. This could come back to bite me, but you might want to tell your new boss to be a little more careful about who he hires in the future.”

Power failure? Infighting?

Codex. Could they have orchestrated Murdoc’s escape? Why? They’d never successfully recruit him, even if they demanded him to repaid a debt. And despite his thrill for violence, he wouldn’t be a good fit. He doesn’t get along with people, and definitely wouldn’t care for saving the world, or complying with a shadowy leader’s orders. Too chaotic, cynical, independent--

“What’s the second thing? Hopefully, something more interesting like, ‘The next time we team up…’”

“Why haven’t you taken Cassian?”

Murdoc’s hands curled around the edge of the counter, his knuckles paling from the force. “I don’t know where he is. With Matilda’s knack for hiding things, and your dad’s connections, it’s difficult. But it’s only a matter of time.”

“No.”

“Don’t worry, I know you don’t know. They bring him to you. Smart.”

“Lie! You’re lying! And at this point. You think I don’t – This is important! Murdoc!”

Mac didn’t bother to hide his aggravation. He’d speculated, and come to a conclusion that hit hard, especially now that he was dealing with the loss of his own dad. He needed to hear it from Murdoc, even if it was a confirmation.

“You should be happy! You said yourself that the best thing I could ever do was get away from him! What, you think I wasn’t listening?! To any of that?? You didn’t give me much choice.”

“I know!” Murdoc’s eyelids did that twitch of sadness that absolutely killed him. “I know.” Mac blinked against the tears welling up.

He couldn’t take it back, couldn’t take back the fact that he’d gone along with the punishment of taking away Cassian’s visits, effectively leading to the destruction of the only good thing in Murdoc’s life. And he’d taken Murdoc away from Cassian, who still loved his dad, had good memories of him, and happily talked about him.

Mac understood now, that he’d ruined everything.

“It wasn’t just what you said...I saw how happy he was, and realized that I’ll have to be happy with watching from afar.”

“For the rest of his life?”

“People like me don’t get a happy ending. I’ll always be running, hiding in the shadows, until the day I die. I did that. I trapped myself, and I’m not going to destroy Cassian’s life too.”

“But he needs you. You’re a part of him.”

“Does it make you feel better to have your dad back in your life after all this time? Because it doesn’t seem like it, judging by your rocky relationship. Is it worth it to have to say goodbye twice? Three times? Every single time it doesn’t work out?”

A few tears escaped down Mac’s face. "Every effort counts. Every minute counts! Even if you think he’ll hate you. Even if he says he hates you!! It. Doesn’t. Matter. You can’t get time back. Show him you care! Tell him the truth if he asks! Maybe he’ll say he wants nothing to do with you, but at least then, when you die, maybe he’ll have less questions and regrets. Don’t abandon him! Don’t leave him to wonder what--”

Mac fought to keep his voice steady around the lump in his throat. "—what would’ve happened if you’d come back sooner." He clapped a hand over his mouth to hide his quivering lip.

Don’t cry in front of Murdoc. Don’t cry in front of Murdoc. Don’t cry--

Mac hugged Murdoc, burying his face into Murdoc's shoulder to stifle his sobs. He couldn’t handle seeing Murdoc’s disappointment at his intellectual equal, his foil, his desired companion, broken and weak, and hanging all over him. Pathetic.

Murdoc’s arms hesitantly wrapped around him, and in the most sincere tone Mac had ever heard him use, whispered, “I’m sorry.”

[rasoir-national]

This was bound to happen : I’m talking about immigration law

@ghostplantss i don't know v much about french immigration law would you tell me about it? i'm v curious?

Oh wow. First tea, and now this ? Either you are my secret Santa, or my enabler.

So let me tell you about the passion of my life, Immigration and refugee law, and the fuckery this country has made of it.

The way a city, community, country treats the “other” is one of the oldest legal questions in the History of Humanity. From Antique Greek cities to the Jus Gentium of the Roman Empire, laws concerning foreigners might be the first form of international law known to man. In many ways, it’s by acknowledging the existence of “others”, by giving and restricting their rights, that a social group both truly asserts itself as a “political community”, yet acknowledges the transcending quality of “humanity” of the outsider.

Nowadays, this question is as politically charged as ever : the way a country regards foreigners, welcomes them, rejects them, is one of the most interesting ways you can define the country, one of the ways the country sees itself. By the way we treat the one who is not “us”, we highlight which rights we consider to be inherent to humanity in and of itself, as well as which ones we consider intrinsically rooted in our identity as “citizen”.

And all this proud History, all this contemporary tension, makes Immigration law fascinating to FUCKING NO ONE.

Look, one thing you have to know about lawyers is how much they love intellectual wankery. A nicer way to put it would be to say lawyers love systems. And theory. And generalisation. And categorizing. They like to look at a set of rules and see a pattern, a logic, a paradigm. They like to be able to neatly present it in two titles, each divided in two subtitles, each divided in two sections, and repeat that until they run out of microsoft font points.

And Immigration law... It’s not that. It’s not that at all. It’s the opposite of that. It’s a law that’s almost entirely dictated by conjoncture, by what a government needs it to say, by whichever concept they’re going to twist then to suit their needs. Whatever few theoritical concepts Immigration law might have been based on have been destroyed by years of either haphazardous or plainly malignant reforms, often both.

And not only does that mean that this at this point is an intensely, punitively complex law, it has also become - if it hasn’t always been - illogical and incoherent. The only “logic” behind it anymore is how much it can be weaponized against its subjects - foreigners. Because that’s the only thing that politicians care about, and because lawyers and especially academics have pretty much given up on it, leaving the terrain free for the former. You have to realize, in terms of pure numbers, Immigration law is the most practiced law in the country. It represents almost a third of all disputes. Yet it is taught in NO university in France. Not a single one. There are no courses, no grad school, no thesis program about immigration law in all of France. There is no money in Immigration law : almost all involved subjects are destitute. There is no intellectual curiosity, because the discipline, from a theoretical point of view, is pretty uninteresting. There isn’t even public interest, because deceptively, the general public hears so much about immigration from either ignorant or ill-intentioned people, that getting through the complexity of the topic is immensely complicated and unrewarding.

Lawyers, for the most part, have deserted the topic for selfish reasons, despite the fact that this is perhaps where they were most needed to make sure fundamental rules were enforced, that politics didn’t come in the way of good justice. They abandoned the most vulnerable subjects of law to the whims of lawmakers and political interests. That’s unforgiveable.

So as a result, Immigration law today mostly resembles a cat-and-mouse game where the law sets up as many traps as possible for the immigrant to fall into, with dozens of obstacles to navigate to finally, finally be able to legally settle in a country you might be have been living in for several decades. There are specific stay rules for retirees. That’s a thing. Every rule is meant to exclude as many people as possible. As a result, immigrants must get increasingly creative or even downright shifty in order to qualify for a stay. And in turn, public opinion will yell and say they are manipulating the system - well, duh. We’ve made a system in which it’s impossible to win fair and square and then we criticize immigrants for trying to game it.

Let’s have just one example : demands of admission because of sickness. French law categorizes different reasons for an immigrant to be admitted to live on french soil for a little while : study, work, family matters, and health. France has a very good health system compared to the worldwide standard, so many people come here to receive treatment they might not be able to benefit from in their country of origin for various reasons. Some people already don’t think that’s a reason for welcoming them, but fuck those people. Anyway, there are many, many people who will ask for permission to stay on the grounds of an “invisible” illness : depression, PTSD, personality disorder... all of which are very difficult to prove. Before 2017, the prefect had to decide based on the opinion of a doctor from the regional authority after they’d met with the author of the request. But the administration quickly realized that doctors tend to have that pesky thing called deontology or even - perish the thought ! - empathy. So there was a reform, and now the way it works is the ill immigrant goes to a doctor who writes a report, then mails it to the person’s lawyer, who then mails it to a doctor that will do a second report based on that report, and will send that second report to a group of 3 doctors who, on the sole basis of that document, will advise the prefect on whether or not the person is ill, and whether or not they could have access to treatment in their country. And when I say advise, I mean they mail a form with boxes checked. That’s it. No text. So we have a prefect, who’s not a doctor, making a decision about the health situation of a person based on a box-based form filled by doctors who have never met the person, who themselves are judging based on the report of another doctor who has no met the person either, this last doctor writing based on the report of another doctor who might have met the person once. And all of this can take up to a year. That’s time during which the immigrant cannot work, or receive benefits. And then, if the prefect decides against letting the immigrant stay, then they have only 2 months to challenge that decision, otherwise after those 2 months have passed, they can be arrested, incarcerated and deported at any time.

So given all that, is it any wonder that immigrants tend to “discover” illness after illness and constantly ask for stays based on that ? This system is so random and unfair, that all you can really do is try and try again hoping something will eventually stick. So now you have people complaining that immigrants are faking mental illness in mass, causing prejudice to the “real” mentally ill immigrants. And yes, that’s the effect. But make no mistake : the cause is how difficult it is for an immigrant to have their illness acknowledged when it’s not something “extreme” enough to have you cross the border on a gurney. Because it’s not enough to google “availability of x medication in x country” to make sure the person can actually access treatment in their country of origin.

So that’s the hypocrisy infusing (haha, tea joke) the whole system. And on top of that, the procedure is getting more complicated with every reform : miss one deadline, fill out one form wrong, and you’re out. And please remember we’re dealing with people who for the vast majority do not speak french (the ONLY language allowed in administrative matters according to the Constitution) and know nothing of our administrative system. It’s up to the person’s lawyer to basically map out the life of each of their client. And because there is no money in immigration law - you only get paid in judicial aid from the state - there aren’t many immigration lawyers. You have to do this out of conviction, cuz you’re certainly not doing it for the money or career opportunities. In the practice I interned at last year, each lawyer would at all times manage on average 50 to 80 active cases. And let’s be clear, a lot of them are assholes, because lawyers in general tend to be assholes. But the work they do in downright heroic.

So that’s where I come in to fix it all, right ? Yeah, no. This entire system is fucked, and given what the world looks like right now, it might be for a while. I’m under no delusion that I can do anything to change that. My goal is to help the way I can : I want to become an administrative judge, the ones who are in charge of examining administrative decisions regarding immigrants. This type of challenge represents roughly 50% of the activity of any administrative tribunal : every chamber, no matter their specialty, has to do a little of it, otherwise the system is so backed up it would collapse. Some of those judges do amazing work, and are some of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. Some of them are not. Most of them are plain bored by this type of claim, because they’re repetitive, not really technical from a legal standpoint and always depressing. And a handful of them have ties to the far-right and are there just to expel as many immigrants as possible. So yeah, if all goes well I’ll be a judge in a few years, and I’ll be one of the only ones who came to the job because of immigration law, not in spite of it. It’s not bragging on my part, it’s just a sad fact. Judges at the tribunal where I’ve worked had a schedule for who was supposed to be in charge of new immigration claims arriving, and some judges would hide from court reporters in order not to get attributed cases that arrived right before their shift was over. So yeah, if I can be a small drop in the bucket and be someone who actually looks at these cases with the explicit intent of finding a reason to approve the claim, that’ll be good enough for me. Because Immigration law, or at least what we’ve made of it, might not be “interesting” but it’s goddamn important, and people should pay attention to it.

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

Anon from before who asked you about college- it’s move in day and I’m freaking out! I would like to hear those dorm horror stories + advice. Thank you!!

Hey good luck! You’ll do great. Just remember everyone there is going to be in the same boat and be patient with yourself. If it is any comfort at all I went to a weird  school that has a reputation for not spending money on student life and at least at the time prided itself for sort of rough living/being too cool to need “cushy” dorm environments and I am 99.99999% your experience will be significantly easier than mine and I still survived!

So let me set the scene.  My Freshman year I lived in a dorm that was essentially a 1980′s trailer with 12 people (all genders) living in it and walls as thin as goddamn tissue paper. My bed was up against a wall and the person whose bed was on the neighboring wall was a man-child (who I’m going to call Sean because his real name is kind of distinctive and I’m afraid someone knows him .) Sean is the only person I’ve met in my entire life who was straight up literally addicted to marijuana; he would chain smoke blunts all through the night and day every single day. He would get so high he would think he was our doorman. We would consistently have the fire alarm go off at 5 in the goddamn morning because Sean was smoking in his room again. I was consistently contact-stoned from the smoke constantly wafting from Sean’s bedroom.  He was a rich kid from the city whose mother would DRIVE DOWN 2 HOURS ON THE WEEKENDS TO DO HIS GODDAMN LAUNDRY FOR HIM and loudly lecture him for how bad his grades were. He played shitty techno music throughout the day almost every day, and would often pass out before he turned it off so I’d wake up at 4 am and still feel the beat pulsing through the wall.  BUT none of this was the bad part. That was fine, all things considered? Like I’m pretty patient it takes sort of a lot to shake me re: living situations. 

No the thing with Sean is the girlfriend situation. His parents were LOADED so he paid his roommate to stay out of their room/find somewhere else to sleep  so he could have extremely loud sex with his girlfriend 24/7. They banged so much and so loudly sometimes it would knock things off of my desk with the movement and most weekends I woke up to the sound of skin slapping and loud moaning. When they broke up briefly I woke up to the sound of him crying to Adele playing loudly in the background. I never saw his roommate after the first two weeks of class. 

Moving past the Sean thing. In the Spring of my freshman year me and my roommate discovered the trailer (and specifically our room, the worst) had mice. Mice would skuttle across our floors at night. One day a mouse crawled across a dresser and in a fit of panic I had to trap it in my roommates drawer. We lived in constant fear of a mice skuttling into our beds and it took months of complaining to Building and Grounds for anyone to do anything about it. 

The Sean thing and the mice thing were the most memorable parts of the experience, but it was compounded by the fact that the little trailer was, effectively, Annandale-on-hudson’s hottest nightclub. Every weekend was a drug fueled rager with music louder than you could imagine, which sounds fun and would probably be fun to adult me but to 18 year old me trying to watch like...How I met Your Mother in my room was sort of disconcerting. One weekend someone did coke and threw up in the bathroom sink. Someone stole a stop sign and put it in  our hall way? One girl’s middle aged friend slept on our couch for months. It was a strange time. 

Real talk, if I survived that you’ve got this down. Just be friendly and be kind to yourself. 

[imagine-darksiders]

Hey if you have time, can you write a prompt with Ulthane? Like at the beginning before War showed up and he's having 'vermain' trouble with his food; but it's actually a human taking the food.

Y E S ! I’M SO READY TO GIVE ULTHANE SOME ATTENTION! So this is (again) a little longer than I’d planned, and explores a more….realistic survivor reader. 

Gradually forged friendships based on similar heartaches yaaaay! 

—

“

Be slow to fall into friendship, but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.

” - Socrates

“Thievin’ little sonof a-!”

The air is rent by aloud, furious shout that echoes relentlessly throughout thedemon-infested city. A flock of crows is disturbed from their slumberin the early morning light as a pack of wicked raise their heads withmelancholy, responding howls. But they don’t go in search of thecurious bellowing, perhaps recognising that it would be in their bestinterest to stay away.

Deep in the slightlymore picturesque corner of the decrepit landscape, in a place that’sbecome locally known as ‘Anvil’s Forge, the enormous, imposingjuggernaut; Ulthane, slams his heavy fists down onto the lid of arusty, old dumpster. The contents inside are jostled violently.Decades old soup cans clang and clunk against each other alongsiderandomly assorted jars of preserved honey and dried biscuit packets.

The Old One rubs ahand over his tired face, pausing to scratch at the auburn beard onhis chin before he gives the dumpster an aggravated kick, then stalksback into the cave he’d fitted out to serve as a home.

For the last couple ofdays now, Ulthane had begun to notice that his carefully accumulatedstockpile of human food had started to gradually diminish. It’s notas though he actually needs the food. Makers have often been known togo for whole centuries without eating.

No. The reason for hisire is that somewhere in this city, there lives some sort of pestthat has actively chosen to steal from him.

Ulthane grinds histeeth audibly as he slaps a hunk of metal down onto his anvil andbegins to absently shape it, if only to give his hands something todo. If there are two things the old one despises, it’s trespassersand thieves. Especially the extra sneaky kind.

The fact of the matteris, though Ulthane would loathe to admit it, that he’d recently cometo discover just how good human food tastes. He’d never known such awonderful explosion of flavours could possibly exist until he exiledhimself to Earth. Say what you will about humans, but the little guyssure as Hell knew how to appeal to the taste buds. So when he found asignificant amount of his stock had gone missing, again,the maker decided that enough was enough.

Tonight, he would beready.

Tonight, he would catch the thieving rat.

Darkness falls heavyover the city. Ulthane squints against it to properly make out thedumpster on the other side of his 'yard.’ He sits behind a stack ofrusted, hollow cars and waits patiently until the moon has begun it’sslow descent back behind the city’s skyline.

Yawing, the makerstretches out a kink in his neck and is about to question whether theeffort is really worth it, when all of a sudden, there’s the faintestpitter-patter of approaching footsteps.

Ulthane sits straightup again and strains his ears to hear over the gentle tumble of thetwin waterfalls. Flicking a firefly off his nose, he stares intentlyat the tunnel entrance that leads to his home.

The creature thatemerges is one that he really didn’t expect.

He’d thought it couldonly be a scavenging demon, maybe one of those odd Earthen rats oreven the Griever’s irritating pets that happen upon his yard everynow and then. The very last thing he’d anticipated was for a scrawny,dishevelled little human to tiptoe warily out into the open.

Ulthane has to stophis jaw from clanking down on top of the car he’s peering over.

’How the Hellhas a human survived out here?’ he thinks, bewildered.

Although, it reallydidn’t seem to be really surviving at all. It’s clothes, fromwhat he can tell in the dim glow of the moonlight, are torn andbloodied. There’s a thin layer of grim and dust coating it’s skin andthe hair falls limp and tangled against its skull.

Like a nervous deer,the human ventures out into the open space, wild eyes darting aboutuntil they light upon the dumpster.

As the maker watcheswith raised brows, the tiny human limps over towards the food with analmost manic desperation. Ulthane’s pale blue eyes roll down to thebandages wrapped around it’s right calf and he grimaces, despitehimself. ’That had to have hurt.’

’Still,’ he thenreasons, ’A thief is a thief. No matter how miserable theyappear.’

The Maker remainscrouched in his hiding spot whilst the little culprit collapsesagainst the side of the dumpster and winces at the pain in its leg.Cautiously, it glances over to Ulthane’s stone door and cocks itshead to the side, listening.

When no sound emergesfrom the cave, the human places its hands on the lid and swiftly butquietly lifts it up. Once the dumpster is open, the it hoists itselfup until it sits on the ledge, then swings both legs over and hopsdown inside.

The burley old onepinches the bridge of his nose with a hefty sigh. Grumbling tohimself, he stands and swiftly lumbers over to the dumpster. Withoutwasting any time, Ulthane grabs the lid and shuts it softly, earninga very rodent-like squeak from the small human inside. He smirks atthe likeness, heaving the entire dumpster up underneath his arm andbegins to march purposefully into his hovel.

Once inside, Ulthanesets his cargo down beside the anvil and moves to shut his secondarydoor. It slams shut with a resounding boom, making the entire cavernshudder with its force.

“Alright then,”Ulthane starts, clapping his hands together, “Just what dowe have here?” He pulls open the dumpster lid, flooding it with theglow of his wall torches and causing the stowaway to yelp in terror.

Wide, frightened eyesmeet cool blue, the human clutching a can of tomato soup to theirchest which heaves in and out rapidly. Now that Ulthane has a bettervantage point, he can clearly see the wear and tear that living postapocalypse has had on the shivering creature.

There are huge,bruise-like dark circles beneath their eyes, both of which arehorrendously bloodshot and wet with encroaching tears. The legbeneath the haphazardly wrapped bandages looks to have been viciouslymauled by something with enormous teeth and though the bloodhas dried, the maker can tell it happened recently. The lips arechapped and raw from being constantly wet by a tiny, pink tongue. Allin all, a truly wretched little human.

“Not a rat….” TheOld One huffs, plunging his hand into the dumpster and plucking thepoor, frozen  thing up by the scruff of their coat, “…butdefinitely some sort of rodent.” He tilts his head and appraisesthe bundle of fear for a moment. “Mayhaps, a mouse?”

The maker sneers andprods the dangling human in the stomach with the tip of hisforefinger. “Aye! A greedy little mouse. Didn’t yer elders everteach you not to go around stealin’ things that don’t belongto you?”

In spite of the obviousterror wracking their frail body, the human manages to shoot him aheated, accusatory glare. “Y-y-you- you-!” they stammer,but evidently, the dangerous gravity of the situation proves toomuch. Their jaw snaps shut with a whimper and they instead choose toweakly wriggle in an attempt to slip free.

The maker chuckles atthe frankly useless escape attempt, then he turns to place themgently down on the anvil. The second he releases them, they scootbackwards, away from the giant until their arms give out and theyslip onto their back with a grunt. Ulthane rests his meaty arms onthe anvil behind the human, effectively trapping them between hisface and his hands, should they end up falling off the anvil’s edge.He leans forward, looming over the human’s body and huffing out agust of hot air from his nose.

“Now,” he rumbles,“How about you calm down and tell me why you’ve been stealin’ mystuff.”

The human snaps uprightat his words, taking in the sudden closeness  and, with a startledgasp, they press back into the warm flesh of his arms. The makershakes his head. “M'not in the business of pummelling helplesshumans,” he snorts, “even ones that nick things.”Ulthane’s gruff voice lowers to something a little softer. “Notgonna start now. Take it easy, you’re alright.”

The shaking subsidesfractionally at the unexpected gentleness in his voice. They stare upat’ him, awed but still exceptionally wary and swallow thickly beforespeaking. “Y-y-you st-stole first.”

That statement hasUlthane’s bushy eyebrows flying up his forehead. “Beggin’ yerpardon, littl'un, but I don’t take kindly to folks accusin’ me ofthings I didn’t do,” he growls.

The gutsy little thingstands up fully, almost coming nose to nose with the maker andbravely locks eyes with him, in spite of how they still tremble.“Y-yes you did!” they bark, “you went into my safehouses that Iset up all over the city and you broke down the door! Then youjust-just!” All of a sudden, they seem to lose what little nervethey’d managed to conjure up and lose their balance, falling backagainst Ulthane’s arms once again.

Meanwhile, the makerwatches them sit, a vacant expression on his face as he tries torecollect the way he’d come upon the food. It’s with a creeping senseof guilt that he remembers how convenient it had seemed to just findall the canned goods lying around, totally unguarded behindthick….locked….doors.  

The truth hits him likea hammer to the face.

Below his head, thehuman begins to speak again, though much quieter this time. “Irisked my life for all that food. I spent years finding enoughto last me through this coming winter. Just because you’re bigger andstronger than us d-doesn’t mean you can just take whatever youlike…..” They timidly look down at their feet and cringe, hopingthat calling the giant out won’t cause him to squash them.

Ulthane’s own headdrops defeatedly for a moment, before finally lifting it and givingthe human a sheepish, toothy grin. “I uh….I didn’t know itbelonged to you,” he rumbles softly, “I assumed all of you humanswere long gone.” He pauses when you flinch slightly at his choiceof words. ’Still a soresubject then,’ he muses, ’after all these years.’

The human peers up athim curiously and tilts their head a little. He copies the action.

“D-didn’t you thinkit was strange to find all that preserved food just laying around?”the human asks.

He chuckles lowly andrubs at the back of his thick neck, having just thought the exactsame thing. “Aye, a touch strange, to be sure…” He suddenlyremoves his arms from the anvil and waves his hands in the air. “Butwhy didn’t you just come out and tell me when you saw me takin’ yersupplies?” he points out.

In reply, the humanuses both hands to make a vague, up and down gesture at Ulthane’swhole body as if to say, ’Why do you think?’

“Hmm…point taken,”the maker admits. The cavern grows quiet, save for the constant,thrumming flow of the lava surrounding it’s makeshift forge and thesoft rustling of autumn leaves that blow in from several holes in theceiling. In the silence, Ulthane regards the human, wondering justhow much of their sorry state is because of him. Surely with all ofthis food, they’d be in far better condition. Is he reallyresponsible for the awful emaciation of this little human? It hadonly been a week or so at most since he first started discovering thestockpiles of food, but perhaps they’d been severely rationingthemselves. The old one hums thoughtfully. ’Thane’s always beenbetter at dealing with the young ones than me,’ he muses.

The human, eyes curiousbut exhausted, conducts their own examination of the strange,gargantuan man. In their eyes, he’d been little more than a bully. Acruel bulldozer of a creature without a care for anything’s wellbeing. To the human, when they watched him 'steal’ their food, they’dthought him little better than the demons and angels that cause themso much grief. But, as they look up into the cerulean blue eyes andlisten to the genuine remorse in the man’s gruff voice, they can’thelp but feel as though they’d severely misread the situation, justas he had.

“S-so,” they cough,breaking the heavy silence, “This has all just been a…amisunderstanding then?”

The maker nods hisgreat head and strokes his beard thoughtfully. “Aye, t'would seemso….” He watches the human carefully, monitoring the way theyscrub at their eyes, when he asks, “D'you have a name?”

That gets him asuspicious frown. “What’s it to you?” they mutter warily.Shrugging, Ulthane thumbs a speck of dirt from the back of hisopposite wrist.

“Not much. Justreckoned it was the done thing, nowadays.”

“Ha, nowadays,”they scoff, “….yeah…” It takes a few more seconds of silencebefore they pipe up again, hesitantly. “Y/n,”they whisper.

Ulthane’s ears twitchup at the sound of an unfamiliar name. “Whassat now?”

“Y/n. My name, it’sY/n,” the human answers, clearer this time.

Satisfied, the maker’slips tilt upwards in a smile. “Ulthane,” he rumbles. “Or, TheBlack Hammer,” if yer feelin’ formal.”

The human giggleslightly, coughing when the unfamiliar motion irritates their throat.They remain seated on the anvil and bite their lip, awkwardly.Ulthane is struck with the impression that they want to ask himsomething.

“You can haveyour food back, if that’swhat yer after,” he coaxes. Gazing up at him, Y/n seems unsure.

“I-I wouldn’t want tojust assume,” they stutter.

“Assume what?That I wouldn’t give you back the things I took from you?”The maker lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “Hell, I got thatall shades of wrong. You weren’t the thief, little mouse. Iwas.” Let it never be said that he isn’t a sporting chap.

“So, Y/n,” he grinsand takes a fistful of his preferred snack. 'Twinkies,’ the packetsaid.“What I’m dyin’ to know is, how’d a little human likeyou manage to survive, alone in a dead world?” As he speaks, hescoops up a startled human in his free hand and makes his way over tothe large, stone cot at the side of his home. Although Ulthane wouldbe the first to admit that he’s probably the least sociable maker, acentury or so spent in exile tends to get remarkably lonely. If hewere being honest, he finds himself wanting the company this humancould potentially provide him. ’And besides,’ he thinks as hesets them down on the cot and takes a seat next to the carvedhead-rest, ’S'the least I can do for nearly squishin’ em for acrime they didn’t commit.’ Surely that warrants a night or two inhis home, at least until that leg heals properly.

Y/n stumbles a few feetaway from Ulthane before falling to their backside with an 'oof.’ Themaker wastes no time in shoving his handful of Twinkies into theirunsuspecting arms and grunts, “Eat.”

They oblige withouthesitation, stuffing as many of the sweet treats into their hungrymouth whilst trying to decide whether or not they can trust him.

’Granted, he hasn’thurt me,’ one part of them reasons, ’Yet…,’ argues theother part. They inspect the maker as he leans back against theconcrete wall and watches them expectantly. Swallowing the firstmouthful, Y/n sighs.

“I wasn’t alone,”they mumble, “at least, not until quite recently.”

This new titbit ofinformation intrigues the auburn-haired maker, who raises a brow downat them.

Y/n averts their gazeand fixes it on the hypnotic glow of the fireflies that have somehowmade their merry way inside the maker’s hovel. Swallowing, they takea deep breath and carry on. “Used to be a whole load of us, out inthe countryside. Less demons out that way. We’d fortified a properlittle settlement for ourselves. There were pockets of us dottedaround all over the place. Some were even as big as a village!” Asmall flicker of pride lights behind the human’s eyes as they speak.“My great grandma told mum about the end war, then when sheand grandma died, mum told me all about the Earth before theapocalypse.” Y/n’s eyebrows suddenly knit together and they bitetheir lip harshly, eyes now glistening. “I wish I could have seenit.”

Subtly, the maker peersdown at the human and finds that their eyelids are swollen withsleeplessness and unshed tears. He grimaces, wholly unprepared todeal with a crying human. Before he can offer some kind of bumblingwords of comfort, they pipe up.

“Then, a couple ofmonths ago, we had some bad luck. That’s all it was,” they laughbitterly, wiping at their sore eyes frantically. “A few of thosebig buggers, the uh…Trauma? I think the angels call them. Well, atleast three of them must have wandered away from the city and justkept going, because all of a sudden, we were all woken up bysomething smashing through our walls!”

The human throwsthemselves backwards onto the thin, brightly coloured fabric thatUlthane had stitched together to create a blanket. They cover theireyes with their arms and the maker has to lean closer to see thetears silently leaking down the exposed cheeks, running tracksthrough the dirt and grime there.

“So, we tried tofight back!” Y/n hiccoughs, “but our gunner, Charlie. He’d beenso fucking busy flirting with Mary that he wasn’t at the gunwhen those…those things came up to our camp. So, nobodysounded the alarm! Nobody warned us!”

The human’s arms fallaway from their face and they turn it towards their new acquaintance,not at all sure why they were suddenly sharing all of thiswith a perfect stranger. A perfect stranger who simply studies theirface with woebegone eyes and a solemn sigh.

“There were kidsin there. Really little ones,” Y/n whispers, horrified. Themaker pulls his lips up over his fangs in a half-snarl at theirwords.

“Bastarddemons,” he growls.

Nodding in agreement,the human stifles a yawn, blinking up at Ulthane blearily. “I wasthe only one to get out….because I-” They hesitate and let ahissing breath. “I hid! I hid in the well, kept my headunderwater for so long I thought I’d surely drown. Kept coming up forair and praying they wouldn’t hear me…..” At the admission, thehuman chokes back a loud sob, “I searched for hours, afterthe demons left, but didn’t find anyone. Then I just kind of…satthere, waiting for those things to come back and finish what they’dstarted.”

A scowl appears onUlthane’s face then, but he reins it in when the tired eyes of thehuman rove up to his face once more. “They never did come back. SoI started thinking about how I’m probably the only one leftnow who remembers anything about the old world, even if I didn’t seeit for myself. If I didn’t survive, then the demons thatmurdered my species really had won. I figured that was reasonenough to at least try and carry on, I guess. ”

“Spite’s as good areason as any,” the giant agrees. In his mind’s eye, the maker can still picture the betrayed look on his friend’s faces when he’d escaped through the portal to Earth, safely away from corruption. If anyone could empathise with the human’s guilty conscious, it would be him. 

Y/n smiles grimly thenrolls onto their side, facing Ulthane and allowing their eyes to slipclosed. “Mmmm, so I came back to the city, best place to findfood,” they murmur sleepily. “Then I made all these safe placesand…..” they yawn widely this time, jaw clicking, “…and,well….you know....the…..rsss……..………..”

Ulthane quirks a browat his newfound companion when they trail off entirely, lost to therealms of sleep, at last.

The old one runs a handover his face, pulling his eyelids down wearily. He flexes his armsand casts a quick glance down at the human laying beside him.

’It’s just onenight,’ he privately ponders, ’tomorrow, the kid’s gonna leaveand have to make it out in that demon-ridden city.’He grimaces at the un-tempting thought. ’Let em sleep here,you big lummox,’ he gnarlsquietly.

Groaningto himself, Ulthane shakes his head and begins to stand. He throwsthe dumpster an accusatory glare, as though it were the cause for hissudden predicament.

Hecalls it a predicament, because that’s exactly what it is.

Hehas, in his home, a young, lonely, injured andstarving human, who seems to have fallen asleep on his own cot, henotices with a soft snort. His old friend, Azrael would have his headif the angel ever found out he’d turned someone soin need of help away from his doorstep.

’Justuntil they’re leg’s healed,’ hedebates internally, ’Or, until they’ve put a bit moreweight on.’

Ulthane’shard eyes catch movement when Y/n rolls over, quietly emitting tinysnores and mumbling in their sleep. He nearly smacks the smile offhis face when he feels it spread across his cheeks.

“Youdaft bugger,” he growlslowly, “don’t you start getting soft because of onelittle human.”

Throwingone last glance down at the sleeping figure, Ulthane purses his lipswith a scowl. In light of the awkward explanation he’d surelyhave to give tomorrow as to why the human was waking up in his owncot and the inevitable, stupid,dense, idioticattachment he could alreadyfeel worming it’s way into his gut, the maker almost wishes it hadbeen vermin that were stealing from him.

[shadyb00ts]

Horizon: Zero Dawn - A Review

Right, gimme a moment to compose myself after the INCREDIBLE RIDE that was this fucking game.

Okay. So. Picture it: E3 2015. There I was, minding my own business, completely PS4-less and only scoping out upcoming PC titles since at the time I was a proud PC gamer. Deep down I was always bitter that I probably would never get a PS4, though, so I usually knowingly avoided any footage of PS4 games like inFamous: Second Son, Uncharted 4, etc. I’ve always been a naturally jealous person, so seeing footage from those games at the time sorta stirred up some jealousy there.

But regardless of that, I still end up seeing the original gameplay trailer anyways. And holy fuckballs, I was so pissed. There in front of me was footage of a game that was literally MADE for me, I swear to god. It had all the elements that I loved in a game. Let’s list them, shall we?

Lush open world with gorgeous vibrant landscapes and incredible graphics: check and check

Female protagonist that looks badass and is voiced by ASHLY FUCKING BURCH: check, check and check

Bow and arrow combat: check

Stealth: check

RPG elements like side quests, skill trees, dialogue trees, etc: checkcheckcheckcheck

Intriguing and mysterious story: check

Platforming and climbing mechanics a la Tomb Raider & Uncharted: check

Honestly, I could go on and on but you get the idea. I never thought I’d see the day where a game could so perfectly fit the criteria of everything I like. So 2-Years-Ago-Me was completely heartbroken since at the time I was convinced that I’d never own a PS4. It was up there with Kingdom Hearts III as the games I thought I’d never get to experience.

Flash forward to now, having been a PS4 owner for about several months. This game was pretty much top priority on what to get, so as soon as it was available for preorder, I clicked that shit so fast I almost broke my mouse. So naturally, when the game finally became playable, I completely immersed myself in it.

This may be a bold statement, but I think Horizon is going to be one of my favorite games of all time. For real.

So all those elements I listed up there were true, but there were also additional elements I love that I had no clue were even in it, prior to playing. Like for example, I had no idea just how deep into the RPG category it was going to go. This game was so freaking immersive. I was immediately in Aloy’s shoes and experienced the world through her eyes, starting from childhood. And then what a pleasant surprise it was when I discovered that the game presents you with moral choices, too! At that moment I knew that the game was going to exceed my already extremely high expectations.

There are also dialogue trees in which you can exhaust a lot of dialogue from, and I of course took every chance I got to choose all the options. I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about this intricate world Guerrilla Games has built and encountering its inhabitants. I loved finding out more about all the different tribes and their own unique traditions and religious beliefs, as well as their relationships with each other. It also helps that their outfits are all so fucking rad. In addition to all that, there are collectibles called “datapoints” where you could find various text, audio and holographic documents from the world of the “ancient ones”, and there’s so many interesting tidbits you can discover from these files. Guerrilla really has fleshed out this world as fully as they could. And let’s quickly touch on the diversity this game has. Man oh man, there were so many people of all different races throughout this game. Lots of strong female characters who weren’t one-dimensional, and I even stumbled upon a gay character during one of the side quests. The diversity showcased doesn’t feel contrived or there to appease the masses, it feels natural and well represented.

I was a bit worried about the story at first, since Guerrilla were definitely shrouding it in mystery and being extra vague every chance they got, which I guess a part of me did like, since it made me not know what to expect and heightened my sense of discovery while playing. But these devs have crafted a really amazing story with a likable cast of characters, including the star of the show Aloy herself. I’m a little biased about her though, since she’s voiced by Ashly Burch who I adore to pieces, but even regardless of that she was simply a wonderfully written character. I just loved watching the story unfold, finding out more and more about what happened to the world and witnessing Aloy finding out the truth about who she really is. The lowest expectation I had initially about this game was probably the story, but it didn’t disappoint at all. I was thoroughly hooked and craved to know more. I won’t spoil anything, since I want those of you who are going to play the game to be more engrossed by it as you have your own experience through it.

Those of you who have seen screenshots and/or gameplay know that this game is a visual masterpiece. The environments are lush and full of life despite the post-apocalyptic nature of it. Originally I had thought the Last of Us had the most gorgeous post-apoc landscapes of all time, but Horizon definitely takes the cake for this one, no question about it. There’s a photo mode available, and because the game itself is so beautiful, it’s probably impossible to take a bad shot. Even without using the filters provided, the graphics have that gorgeous pinkish glow that I always love in games, very reminiscent of Dragon Age: Inquisition I think. The screenshots in this review were some snaps I took using the photo mode feature, and it’s really fun to play around with. You could probably spend hours with it taking scenic shots and action shots to your heart’s content.

Now let’s talk combat. A game automatically has me sold when it has archery. My love of this developed through the 2013 Tomb Raider remake, which I’m sure I reviewed on here a long while back. It grew when I played the sequel to that remake, Rise of the Tomb Raider. This game takes that style of combat and amps it up to a hundred, adding a bunch of various unique and craftable arrow types, as well as multitudes of elemental traps and explosives. Most unique out of these is probably the Ropecaster, which allows you to tie down enemies to leave them immobilized. These are extremely useful for the flying machines that you’ll encounter later on in the game, since they can be pretty tricky. The combat relies heavily on weakpoint takedowns, so you’ve definitely gotta have real good aim in order to slay them robots, especially the bigger ones. Unlike most action games, you can’t just go in guns blazing and continuously shoot arrows at random spots on the machines’ bodies. Focusing on their weakpoints is key, as that’s where all the real damage lies. Most of the robots are also weak to specific element types, so exposing those weaknesses gives you an even bigger advantage. Some enemies you could even strip off their ranged weapons and use it against them, which I thought was fucking radical. I did it more than a few times and it was a hell of a lot of fun.

There’s also melee combat in this game, although I rarely ever used it to be quite honest. The only use I found for melee are the silent takedowns during stealth, but in battle I would say ranged is the way to go. Battles with the machines are very exhilarating and intense, since they are clearly much more stronger than you, even the weaker ones. There are also human enemies like bandits and cultists, but they’re pretty easy to pick off since all it takes are headshots, basically. The machines are the real challenge. I played on Easy since I’m a scrub, and have always had no shame in playing games on easy difficulties anyways since, unlike most gamers, I’m not much of a fan of challenge. Basically for me, Easy is my Normal. That’s just how I roll. But even easy mode was a bit of a challenge at times, at least for me. I had some trouble with the huge, stronger machines. Then again, I pretty much spent the entirety of the game doing nothing but side stuff and power-leveling, so by the last few main quests I was already at max level. But even at max level and wearing arguably the best outfit in the game, the final boss was a lot to handle.

I’ve spent the majority of this review gushing about this game, but was there anything I disliked? In all honesty, not really all that much. Most of my negatives are pretty much small nitpicks. I thought the climbing mechanics could’ve been a little bit better, since unlike Tomb Raider or Uncharted, most of the platforming can be done just by pushing the left stick and only pressing the jump button once in a while. I would’ve liked it better if the jump button was more frequently used during platforming, basically. You also can’t filter between icons on the map, and the map interface can get pretty hectic as a result since there’s so much stuff cluttered in it. Not sure why they didn’t add the option to filter between machine sites, collectibles, etc. Would’ve made for an easier time navigating.

Another negative is probably how I wish the outfits were more customizable. As it stands, each outfit is already one full set, and the only modifications you can make are by using two or three slots where you can insert mods to increase certain effects like elemental resistances, stealth, etc. I wish it was a little more in-depth in that you could get different pieces for each body part, like most RPGs, and maybe be able to insert modifications to each individual armor piece. Actually, the modification system in general, for both outfits and weapons, is a bit too simplified for my taste. You can’t really upgrade them, it’s as simple as just inserting a mod or two and you’re done. This may be ideal for more action-oriented players, but since I’m an RPG enthusiast, I find it to leave much to be desired. There are some other small nitpicks I have with the game that hold it back from being absolute perfection, but honestly they’re all pretty much easy to ignore. The positives crush the negatives.

So yeah, overall I’m extremely overjoyed with how this game turned out. It’s everything I had been hoping for and then some. It literally just came out a few days ago and already I’m aching for a story DLC or, hell, even a sequel. This game better branch out into a franchise; there’s so much Guerrilla can explore with this world that they’ve created.

I give Horizon a 9.75/10. 9.5 seemed a little too low and 10 seemed a little bit too high, so I thought fuck it, 9.75 it is. This game is near perfection, and if you have a PS4 or are going to own a PS4 in the future, then I swear to you that you won’t regret having Horizon in your game library. It’s a mishmash of various elements in open world, action-RPG gaming all rolled into an impeccable, beautiful package. And for all you trophy hunters out there, it’s pretty easy to platinum too.

Man, do I love this game. Jesus. Looks like I’ve found something new to unhealthily obsess over.

[operationrainfall]

Title Carrion Developer Phobia Game Studio Publisher Devolver Digital Release Date July 23rd, 2020 Genre Stealth, Horror, Metroidvania Platform PC, PS4, Nintendo Switch, Xbox One Age Rating Mature 17+ – Blood and Gore, Violence Official Website

I like to think of myself as a good person. I preface this review thus because after playing Carrion for a few hours, you start to feel like a sociopath. Gobbling up humans like popcorn chicken and cutting a red swath of destruction across sinister facilities. But just cause I’m generally decent doesn’t mean it’s not fun to be bad sometimes. And playing this reverse horror Metroidvania definitely puts you squarely in the shoes of the monster. Though really, if you think about it, you didn’t ASK to be placed in a vat. So I’m sure those devious humans brought this mayhem upon themselves. Regardless, Carrion is a wholly unique experience, and one of the most noteworthy games I’ve played in a long while.

As you might expect, there’s not much plot in Carrion. The writhing mass of red tentacles and mouths you control doesn’t do much talking, though you do encounter several potential flashbacks. This happens when your character, who I started referring to as Tentacly Joe, inserts himself into strange mechanical devices. The focus shifts to you moving around as an unknown human going about searching for specimens and unlocking facilities. It’s not clear to me whether these are actual flashbacks or some premonition of the future, but they provide the bulk of the narrative. The rest of the time, you rampage Joe through many facilities in your effort to escape.

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The loop of the game goes like this. You search for hive crevices which unlock the portal to the next area. These are eerie openings in the walls of the facility that Joe burrows into. The crevices also double as save points, and heal you. As you progress through each area, you’ll encounter vats identical to the one you first escape from. By interacting with them, you’ll gain a new ability, such as spitting spider webs, turning invisible or using echolocation to identify key locations around you. Once you’ve gotten all you can from the area, you’ll be able to reach the newly opened portal and squeeze through into someplace new. But as you go from point A to point B, you’ll have to deal with a lot of pesky humans first.

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While you might think Joe is totally overpowered in the game, that’s not entirely true. You’re a grotesque entity capable of gobbling up humans to increase your mass and alter your available abilities. The bigger you are, the more you can do, but at the expense of other powers. Small Joe can do things Large cannot, and Medium can do things neither is capable of. You can always dislodge excess mass in murky pink pools to adjust your skill set, often strategically. But none of that changes the fact these humans are more than capable of putting the hurt on you. Your size corresponds to your overall health as well, but they have tons of tricks and traps to cut you to pieces.

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Humans will shoot you with pistols, burn you with flamethrowers and block you with sizzling electric shields. They also have littered the facility with powerful machines, including various drones, gun turrets, explosive devices and more. And as you might expect, the farther you get, the harder the challenges thrown at you become. A great example are the walking mechs piloted by humans and armed with gatling guns that can easily pulp you. Thankfully, as you progress you learn plenty of new tricks to deal with them, though my favorite is Parasitism. It lets Joe extend a tentacle, plunge it into a human host and turn them into a puppet. You can then use that host to activate switches, shoot other humans and even pilot machines. A favorite moment of mine involved using one meat puppet to pilot a mech and proceed to blast everything in the room to shreds, including another mech that was trying to stop me.

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Your primary means of dealing with humans is stealth. They’re smart and react to sounds and sights, so you’ll have to sneak about. Once you get your tentacles on a human, you can smash them against walls to incapacitate them. Once you’ve got them, Joe will automatically drag them towards his hungry mouths and gobble them up, regaining some health. Often you can’t wait that long, since the humans will protect each other. So in the interest of avoiding damage you might have to get extra violent. Joe is very nimble and surprisingly fast, can squeeze into small openings and slither about effortlessly. He’ll automatically cling to walls, so you have a lot of flexibility how you explore. Thankfully that lends itself to the stealth sections. I admit that I really wasn’t expecting this element of the game, but overall I’m a fan. Carrion is a great blend of terror, caution and violence, with puzzle solving to space sections out. Though there’s no distinct bosses I encountered in the game, many rooms are set up as a gauntlet. You’ll always have the means necessary to get past them, but sometimes figuring that out is the biggest hurdle.

Now, I’m a big fan of Metroidvanias, and for the most part Carrion gives me what I expect. The challenge scales nicely and combat keeps expanding based off your skill set. The one surprise for me was the lack of maps. Granted, you can use Joe’s sonar to get a rough feel for your surroundings, but I always prefer a visual key to guide me. And though the lack of a map wasn’t a problem for most of the game, it became one late in the experience. I got to one section called the Armored Warfare Facility, the second to last area of the game. Things were going great, until I decided to meander. Instead of relentlessly proceeding forwards, I meandered to a switch I thought I needed to activate. Instead of helping me, it effectively locked me out of the path I was meant to take. I tried finding an alternate route, only to discover indestructible blast doors had blocked my egress. This after 10 hours or so of playtime. Unfortunately, this meant I wasn’t able to fully beat Carrion, which is really disappointing. I’m always paranoid about getting trapped in any game, and find it’s usually due to poor design. While the rest of the game was quite enjoyable, this definitely prevented it from getting a perfect score from me.

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I’d say Carrion controls pretty well, with some provisos. As you control a constantly moving mass of murderous intent, it stands to reason the controls are a bit slippery. It’s not too hard to kill humans, but often it can be tricky to accurately interact with specific features. These include flipping switches, shooting webs and grabbing a nuclear core in one section. I would imagine the game controls more precisely with a mouse and keyboard, but all things considered it runs pretty great on the Nintendo Switch.

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Visually, Carrion is a treat. It uses pixel art in astonishing ways, and is equal parts glorious and hideous. This is a gory game, and you’ll literally paint the walls red as you play. And though Tentacly Joe is no hero, he’s a very unique looking creature. Likewise, the many humans that you’ll mow down show off a lot of personality, reacting to your intrusion with alarm. The sound effects are no slouch either. You’ll hear lots of screams of distress, both from your prey and Joe when he’s injured. Though there’s not much in the way of actual music, there is a low key ambiance that builds the dread remarkably well.

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Carrion is a game I’ve been looking forward to for a while. And though I am more than a bit disappointed I got stuck, I’m still eager to play through again sometime soon. It’s an absolute steal at $19.99. Warts and all, this is a fascinating and wholly unique game. I’m glad as always that Devolver Digital takes chances on titles like this, and can’t wait to see what’s next from Phobia Game Studio.

Cue the muzak! Joe is coming for dinner.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”3.5″]

Review Copy Provided by Publisher

REVIEW: Carrion on Nintendo Switch Title Carrion

[themoneybuff-blog]

Who's In Control of Your Life?

Let me tell you three stories. The first comes from my own life, while the other two are things that Ive observed recently. * * * For my own tale, lets roll back several years. At that time, I worked as a research assistant focusing on data mining. My job mostly revolved around writing tools for researchers to explore a very large data set in a simple fashion, essentially enabling them to make connections within the data at a click of the mouse, and I also spent a significant amount of my time digging through the data myself, looking for useful patterns and trying to make sense of it all. I really loved the work I was doing. When I was actually doing the data mining, or when I was working with researchers to come up with ways to help them explore the data on their own, I deeply enjoyed the work. It was intellectually challenging, interesting, and meaningful. I also dearly loved the small team I worked with at the time. What I didnt enjoy was the bureaucratic end of it. I didnt enjoy the travel. I didnt enjoy the many bureaucratic meetings. I didnt enjoy the constant filling out of forms that seemed to be largely purposeless. I didnt enjoy the constant change in how we filed our travel receipts, the constant changes in our email services, and many other aspects of the job that were purely bureaucratic. I was also frustrated by how there were constant promises of more resources that were sorely needed to actually improve our offerings, but those resources seemed to never actually materialize. Because of that lack of resources, I felt my work slowly turning from creating useful new things and discovering new data connections to just maintaining tools so that they wouldnt break when other people changed things. I gradually became more and more responsible for IT management, fixing servers and things when they had problems, and that caused me to have to go into work on more and more weekends and spend more and more time effectively on call. Over time, my feelings on this job began to shift. I went from feeling great about going to work each day to dreading going to work, particularly on days when there were meetings and particularly on days leading up to travel. For the last year or two that I worked at this job, I felt miserable. Travel was causing me to miss several big moments with my children, including my sons first steps. Most days were filled with bureaucracy and maintenance. I felt deeply unhappy. So, why did I stick around for that last year or two? The big reason was that I felt like I needed the job. I didnt have strong financial control over my life yet and thus I really needed the stability that the job provided. In short, that job and that situation had control over my life. I couldnt walk away without putting my wife and my young children in a very precarious place. * * * The second story comes from a reader who Ill call Jeff, who wrote in with a long story for the reader mailbag. After some back and forth conversation with him, he wanted me to share his story in a post. Jeff grew up in an upper middle class family. In college, he fell in love with Suzanne, who he thought was also upper middle class until, shortly before the wedding, he learned that Suzannes family was rather wealthy thanks to her grandfather. Suzanne has a large trust in place for her thats controlled by Suzannes mother. Suzanne and Jeff have been married for several years and apparently theyve spent much of this time jousting with Suzannes mother, sometimes even in court, to gain access to the trust. It is apparently up to Suzannes mother as to when the money can be released to Suzanne and Jeff. He wrote in asking for advice on some other means to try to gain access to that money. My response to Jeff was simple: try to live your life for a while as though that trust does not exist. What would your life be like if there was no trust that was ever going to appear? What would you do? Live your life that way. If the trust money comes, then its a boon. Right now, the lack of a trust is a bust. After some back and forth emails with Jeff, it seems as though he and Suzanne have had a lot of conversations about the situation and have decided to do just that to stop worrying about the trust at all and start living as though it doesnt exist. * * * Heres a third story that might seem unrelated at first, but its well worth discussing. My wife went on a very long-planned trip with her sisters this spring. They had been planning the trip for almost a decade and this spring was the culmination of those plans. During their trip, they had the opportunity to visit Chichen Itza, the Mayan ruins in southern Mexico. While there, Sarah took a ton of photographs and short videos. They were all focused on the view, a view that she wanted to always be able to remember even when her memory of it faded a little. One thing I couldnt help but notice is that in many of the video clips and photographs, there was a young woman who had an elaborate selfie setup that involved tripods and lighting poles and so on. She was backed up right against the edge of where she could walk and, in every video clip and picture, she was either taking selfies with Chicken Itza in the background or checking the selfies. This was going on over a long period of time. Not once, in any of the photographs, did the young woman seem to be paying any attention to Chichen Itza. She had traveled so far to see one of the wonders of the world, and yet her full attention was on getting a great selfie or two, ostensibly to post to Instagram or some other social media service. * * * These three stories all have something in common. They all depict people living their lives under the control of others, not themselves. In my own situation, I lived my life under the control of my supervisors and the bureaucracy of my workplace. I absolutely loathed it, but I persisted under it for years. Why? I had chosen a lifestyle that required the income and stability provided by that bureaucracy. I had ceded control of my time and energy over to them. In Jeffs situation, he and Suzanne lived their life obsessed with the money sitting in that trust and constantly battling Suzannes mother for that money. That battle absorbed tons of their time, energy, and focus, and although he didnt get into it, it seemed clear that the relationship with Suzannes mother was weakened by the fight. In that case, Jeff and Suzanne had ceded control of their time, energy, thought, and focus over to their mother-in-law simply out of a desire for more money. In the story of the woman at Chichen Itza, her focus was solely on producing an amazing selfie, ostensibly to share with others. This took her attention away from the destination of a long trip and the grandeur of a wonder of the world. Instead, she focused on the lighting on her face and the camera she was using. I suppose she may have been a professional photographer and a model at the same time, but it seems far more likely in our modern era that she was simply trying to get the perfect shot for Instagram. In other words, she ceded control over her own time and focus to her Instagram followers, causing her to miss out completely on the amazing opportunity before her. In all three of those stories, someone else is in control of a persons life and decisions. I wasnt in control of my professional decisions or their own financial destiny. Jeff and Suzanne werent in control of their familial decisions or their own financial destiny. The woman taking the selfie was ceding control over her time and focus in one of the most amazing places on Earth to anonymous Instagram followers and other social media friends. * * * If theres a lesson Ive learned throughout my adult life, its this: there are few surer routes to unhappiness than ceding control of your life over to the whims of someone else. When you cede power over your life to your boss out of financial need, you give your boss the power to take away your free time and all of your energy. Even if your boss doesnt do that, that power still rests in their hands. When you cede power over your life to someone who might give you money, you give that person power over your attention and your thought and your time and your destiny. Even if that person is very giving in terms of that money, they still retain that power and can use it as they please. When you cede power in your life to social media followers and constantly do things that you think will impress them or interest them or make them envious, you give those anonymous followers the power to shape your decisions and shape how you use your time. Youre no longer doing the things you want to do; youre doing the things they want you to do and hoping for their approval. Those situations bring unhappiness. Im speaking from my own experience and the experiences of many people in my life and many readers. Whenever you feel like you dont have control over your life and youre forced to bend your life over and over to the whim of those who do have control, it brings about sadness and serious dissatisfaction with life. What about situations that come with responsibility, like becoming a parent? In those situations, there are definitely moments where you feel trapped and out of control, and those times do bring bad feelings. However, theyre typically counterbalanced by the good moments and the fact that you chose this responsibility. Also, responsibility often leaves some level of control over the situation you do control how you choose to parent your child. On the other hand, you dont have control over the fickle nature of social media followers or the whims of your boss or to those who can turn off the spigot of money youre relying on or the organizations to which you owe money this list goes on and on. Its that lack of control that brings unhappiness, and making financial and lifestyle missteps is one of the surest ways to lose financial and professional control and freedom in your life. This doesnt just manifest itself in terms of personal unhappiness thats just the start. It has negative physical and mental implications due to the stress of the situation. It has negative financial implications because many people drown themselves in treats, giving themselves little bursts of pleasure so that they can temporarily feel a burst of joy. What can you do? Its easy. Start taking control back. Even if you cant fully wrest control of the situation back immediately (sometimes you can, but often the situation is deep and complex enough that you cant), you need to start down that path. Here are some strategies for doing just that. Spend a lot less than you earn and bank the difference, so that you can make changes to your life if theyre warranted. Walking away from a miserable job is a lot easier if youre already living on less than you earn and have been doing so for a while and youve put away the extra money for the future. In essence, it was the start of our financial turnaround that gave me the ability to try new things and then eventually have the financial freedom to walk away from a job that was leaving me feeling crushed. The power of this strategy is that it frees you from being under the control of anyone who can turn the spigots of money in your life on and off. Before long, youll have the freedom to be able to move to another opportunity (like moving to a new job) or to just start ignoring a particularly troublesome one (like Jeff and Suzannes family issue). Eventually, you wont need to think about a spigot at all its a convenience, but not a need, and you can walk away if you dont like the relationship without needing to just jump to another opportunity. This can be challenging because one of the most obvious places to start is to cut out the stream of low-value treats that many people who feel unhappy and trapped use as a stream of happiness bursts in your life. You have to seek out other sources for those moments of bliss that dont require spending money. Spend less than you earn. Make that gap as big as you can without introducing new misery into your life. Use that gap to get rid of debt and start saving for the future, whether its retirement or any other significant life change. Thats the recipe. Focus on building relationships with people who enjoy doing the things you would do on your own (or with an army of clones of you). One of my favorite questions to ask myself is what would I do if I had to live the rest of my life on an island with 100 clones of myself? Meaning, in other words, that they all had the same internal desires that I do. What would I do? Id read a lot and have conversations about those books. Id go on lots of hikes and explore every inch of the island. Id play a lot of long, complex board games. Id make amazing meals and a lot of fermented foods and craft beer. Thus, this advice tells me to find other people who like to read a lot and talk about the books that they read. This advice suggests that I find people who like to do easy and moderate difficulty hikes (I dont like rock climbing and my balance isnt superb) and go on hikes with them. This advice suggests I find people who like to play long strategic board games. This advice suggests that I make a lot of meals and good food and beer and share them with people who appreciate them, and maybe find people who like to make them, too. Those are my people. I need to find them and build friendships with them. That way, I find companionship and friendship and affirmation by doing the things I naturally want to do anyway, rather than having to mold myself to appease others. This gives me much greater control over my free time and my hobby time. Who are your people? What are the things you would do on an island by yourself and 100 clones of yourself? Figure that out, then find people who like that, too, and make friends with them. That way, you dont have to change who you are or spend time or energy or money on things that you dont really care about in order to feel friendship and acceptance. Learn how to say no. Many people find themselves eventually trapped by a mountain of commitments and arrangements they brought on themselves by being unable to say no to others when theyre asked for something. This often leaves them feeling overwhelmed and unhappy and typically not performing at their best at any of those commitments. Heres something to consider if youre in this camp: if you feel overwhelmed with commitment or will feel overwhelmed if you take on something someones asking of you remember that you will not perform at your best on this commitment or on the other commitments you have if you say yes. In fact, by committing to more, youre likely going to end up with that other person in a worse position than if you had simply said no right now. I often turn things down by saying some variation on this: I really appreciate that you asked me to help, but I have to say no. My plate is already really full right now and if I took on that thing as well, not only would I not be able to give it my full effort and attention, I would also be letting down the things Im already committed to. I usually then follow it up with a suggestion of other people who might be able to help. Saying no in that way is more valuable than saying yes to something that overwhelms you and that you cant live up to in a quality fashion. It is far better to say no than to let someone down when theyre relying on you or to deliver a bad result. Plus, saying no preserves your sanity and also gives you the space you need to excel at the things that you do choose to keep on your plate. Give yourself the power to have control over whats on your agenda, so that you can fill it with just things you can excel at without being overwhelmed. Finally, be very wary of long term commitments you cant easily back out of. I absolutely love being a parent and its a role that fulfills me deeply, but if someone is asking me if they should have kids and theyre really unsure about it, Ill usually advise them to not have kids. Dont commit to having children unless it is a full-bore full-throated deep commitment, because a child deserves that from their parents. This is true with any long term commitment you may face in life. For example, dont get married if you dont think you can live up to those vows or youre not sure you can live your life with this person. Its better to say no than to say yes and fail that commitment and that other person who put their trust in you. If youre agreeing to something over the long term, youre ceding some control over your life and breaking that commitment is likely to be painful. Be very careful when doing this, and make absolutely sure that this is something you truly want. Dont walk into a huge commitment without high confidence. The message in all of this is simple: most of us feel happiest when we have maximum control over our lives. When we cede control over our decisions to others, by allowing things like our boss to push us into unpaid overtime or unethical tasks, by allowing ourselves to become financially dependent on things other people control, by allowing our emotions to be controlled by the approval of others, by committing to things and then growing to regret them, we bring unhappiness into our lives, and that unhappiness is often temporarily dealt with by overspending. Take control. Cut those patterns out of your life. Youll be happier for it. Good luck. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/whos-in-control-of-your-life/

[nickarmstrongfilm]

OCTOBER 2018: AN EXERCISE IN EXCESS & A HORROR DIARY

Carrie (dir. Brian De Palma, 1976)*

The Rage: Carrie 2 (dir. Katt Shea, 1999)

Duel (dir. Steven Spielberg, 1971)

Pulse (dir. Jim Sonzero, 2006)* For all intents and purposes, I don’t think this movie was at all necessary — what Kurosawa pulled off with the original Pulse was nothing short of miraculous in its terror, melancholy and study of society… but I must admit that the idea of a group of people watching that film and translating it into a mid-2000s American tech-horror movie (aesthetic and all) is highly appealing to me. It’s fun! It’s dumb! Kiyoshi already mastered it so I can’t really get mad at this.

Daphne & Velma (dir. Suzi Yoonessi, 2018) Wholesome live-action Scooby-Doo spinoff with women at the helm, and is about as fun and nostalgic as anything I’ve seen related to Scooby-Doo. Lots of Halloween-y fun!

Captain Voyeur (dir. John Carpenter, 1969) Had been dying to get my hands on this for a long time, so it was lots of fun to finally see it (and complete Carpenter’s filmography!). It’s short and slight and very noticeably Carpenter. He improves on all aspects of this in his amazing career, but this is an inspiring artifact nonetheless.

The Crazies (dir. George A. Romero, 1973)

Something Evil (dir. Steven Spielberg, 1972)

Tales from the Hood (dir. Rusty Cundieff, 1995)*

Uncle Sam (dir. William Lustig, 1996) Anti-American slasher where the villain is a zombie soldier named Sam who dresses up as *the* Uncle Sam. I think that is praise enough.

Hell Fest (dir. Gregory Plotkin, 2018) This one has really grown on me over the month, especially as it inspired me to rewatch The Funhouse, which in turn inspired me the finally read the novelization of The Funhouse by Dean Koontz. As much as I was initially underwhelmed and annoyed by certain aspects of the film, the concept is terrific and it really plays into the uncertainty of the theme park’s dangers for impressively long stretches of time. Mostly dumb but also very fun.

Tales from the Hood 2 (dir. Rusty Cundieff & Darin Scott, 2018) Not even close to as impactful or consistent as the original, and my fear that this was co-directed by Cundieff and co-writer of the original Darin Scott actually turned out to be reasonable, because the two segments he directed are noticeably worse, but it remains passionate and blunt in its manipulation of genre tropes to suit the subject matter. Keith David murders it in the wraparound, and the closing short “The Sacrifice” is deeply powerful.

Stay Alive (dir. William Brent Bell, 2006)

Slice (dir. Austin Vesely, 2018)

Drag Me to Hell (dir. Sam Raimi, 2009)*

The Vagrant (dir. Chris Walas, 1992)

Venom (dir. Ruben Fleischer, 2018)

Dracula 3D (dir. Dario Argento, 2012) Argento’s rendition of the age-old Dracula tale is the umpteenth adaptation of the story, and while it doesn’t appear to make many changes to the narrative, I have to give credit to his formal experimentation — it strikes me as an admirable case of retrofuturism, as he uses the most modern digital filmmaking (I would love to see this in actual 3D) to tell one of the oldest tales imaginable. Lots to discover here, I think, but I really liked it!

Sleepwalkers (dir. Mick Garris, 1992)

The Black Cat (dir. Edward G. Ulmer, 1934)

Parasomnia (dir. William Malone, 2008) William Malone is one of the most underrated figures in horror, and while I can’t fully get behind this one — frankly, I’m unsure of whether it criticizes or endorses its imbecilic male character, who fetishizes a “sleeping beauty” — but his highly unique, Kiyoshi Kurosawa-esque aesthetic shines through in many moments, notably its dream sequences.

Hellraiser (dir. Clive Barker, 1987)*

Crazy As Hell (dir. Eriq La Salle, 2002) Kind of overlong, but cut down it could be a very serviceable series of predictable twists and turns that examine ethics in journalism and hospital institutions.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (dir. Tony Randel, 1988)

Sorority House Massacre (dir. Carol Frank, 1986) Understandable to be deemed a Halloween ripoff, but it places a deeper focus on friendships and beats the rest of the Halloween series to a sense of psychic kinship which pushes this above being a fairly standard slasher. This is fun!

Soft for Digging (dir. J.T. Petty, 2001) I often think about, from experience, how making your student film silent is a smart but played-out trick to make it feel less cheap… nothing about this really sticks with me, but its lead performance is compelling and the atmosphere is strong at times.

Ganja & Hess (dir. Bill Gunn, 1973)* Just one of the greatest American films of all time, such a layered and nuanced take on the vampire subgenre. I don’t know what else to write except that Bill Gunn was one of the great filmmakers of all time.

Scary Movie 5 (dir. Malcolm D. Lee, 2013) Inarguably the least offensive of the series (a flawed series that I happen to love) and a very pure, frequently funny parody that director Malcolm D. Lee brings a whole lot to — and is as quietly incisive about the genre as some of the best entries are. The best one since the Wayans left.

Bones (dir. Ernest R. Dickerson, 2001)*

J.D.’s Revenge (dir. Arthur Marks, 1976)

We’re Going to Eat You (dir. Tsui Hark, 1980)

Ghost in the Machine (dir. Rachel Talalay, 1993) Incredible technology-focused Nightmare on Elm Street/Shocker hybrid made by the woman responsible for one of the very best Elm Streets. The effects, both practical and digital, are stunning in their own ways, and it’s just so much fun!

Aftershock (dir. Nicolás López, 2012) This feels like exactly how people see Roth’s Hostel, which makes me wonder why he’d take part in this. It is essentially a dumb version of the very smart film he made — which people consistently said was dumb — and he plays one of the assholes in it. This movie is unbearable.

The Funhouse (dir. Tobe Hooper, 1981)* Such an incredible extension of what Hooper examines in his essential Texas Chain Saw Massacre, replacing stumbling into backwoods America with a travelling version of the same horrors. Watching this made me miss writing about Hooper, because each of his works perfects and furthers everything he’s once done. An incredible film that is perhaps the ultimate in self-reflexivity within horror, and one of Hooper’s absolute best.

My Left Eye Sees Ghosts (dir. Johnnie To & Wai Ka-Fai, 2002)

Cat People (dir. Paul Schrader, 1982)* To my mind, this and Tourneur’s original are hard to compare because they perfectly fill each other in — Schrader’s lurid remake dares to show all that Tourneur couldn’t and wouldn’t 40 years later, which makes this a pretty ideal remake!

The Ambulance (dir. Larry Cohen, 1990) Another excellent entry in Cohen’s endeavor to turn the familiar into the horrifying, which I always appreciate as an attempt to alter the public’s perception of basic institutions. Very fun and intelligent.

Gothika (dir. Mathieu Kassovitz, 2003) Not unlike this year’s terrific Unsane in its examination of how all institutions are run by the amoral, and how innocent people are manipulated, victimized and gaslit. Has that ‘00s horror aesthetic I love (this comes from Dark Castle Entertainment, whose horror output I find thoroughly underrated) complete with Limp Bizkit’s cover of Behind Blue Eyes playing over the credits. Underrated and relevant.

Dark Angel: The Ascent (dir. Linda Hassani, 1994) At once a wholesome rom-com, righteous horror picture and an intelligent take on theology.

Love Massacre (dir. Patrick Tam, 1981) This is deliberately barren visually, making the splashes of blue and red all the more powerful when they come — its constant manipulation of genre and colour mesh perfectly with its narrative of violence and entitlement. The only cut that exists has hardcoded white subtitles — in an already very white movie — but for the time being, it actually tends to add to its mystery and minimalism. A masterpiece.

Urban Menace (dir. Albert Pyun, 1999) I’ve never ever ever seen a movie that looks like this — it starts with our narrator (Ice-T, of course) ranting about Urban Renewal and warning our viewers that if you’re easily offended, this movie is decidedly *not for you*. It is not a particularly offensive movie though I would not argue if someone called it a visual atrocity. For argument’s sake, it is not exactly a horror movie, but its intense exposure gives it a very dreamy quality that actually makes it a lot scarier to watch. This movie is probably not good but I fucking love Albert Pyun and I can’t say that I wasn’t in awe of how this was made.  Plus it is 1 hour long!

The Card Player (dir. Dario Argento, 2004) Argento’s most blatant satire, this feels like a lampoon of both typical procedurals, as well as the desensitization of the internet age. There aren’t many images in Argento’s oeuvre I like more than a group of police officers cheering and laughing at a game of blackjack with a video of a woman being tortured superimposed over it.

Halloween (dir. David Gordon Green, 2018)* This didn’t work as well for me on a rewatch outside of my first experience at TIFF (full of excitement and yelling) but many of my favorite aspects remain: Laurie’s turn to the typical American defense against trauma (which also manifests in a cat-and-mouse chase in a slasher-proof booby-trapped housed), as well as its use of the sequel’s timing to explore multi-generational trauma, but all of its best ideas are explored with far more character in both Carpenter and Zombie’s iterations. 

Lisa, Lisa (dir. Frederick R. Friedel, 1974)

Leprechaun 4: In Space (dir. Brian Trenchard-Smith, 1996) Just the most incredibly off-the-hinges horror franchise there is, especially because the antagonist is anything but scary. I think that the “in space” moniker is the quintessential jump-the-shark move for a franchise, so as stupid and offensive as this movie gets, it truly feels like it is just out of the viewer’s hands and the only responsible thing to do is enjoy the increasingly absurd nature of the films (though I can’t imagine it gets wilder than this).

Leprechaun in the Hood (dir. Rob Spera, 2000) Not only not wild enough to distract me from its horrid nature, but deeply offensive and unexpectedly transphobic (as a major plot point). Not even worth recommending for Ice-T or the Leprechaun smoking weed and rapping.

Hotel (dir. Jessica Hausner, 2004)

Spontaneous Combustion (dir. Tobe Hooper, 1990)* Both Tobe’s superhero movie and his Sirk picture, filled to the brim with bright colors and melodrama that also functions as both a parody and indictment of 50′s paranoia. Another masterpiece from Hooper.

The Return of Swamp Thing (dir. Jim Wynorski, 1989) I love Swamp Thing!! I don’t like this quite as much as Craven’s comic-book gothic romance, but it does lean further into comic-book stylings, and is filled with color and explosions and melodrama!

Chiller (dir. Wes Craven, 1985)

Kaun? (dir. Ram Gopal Varma, 1999) Varma’s use of setting here is so major, eliciting fear and obscurity  almost exclusively through camera movements and narrative control. One of the spookiest, most subversive home invasion films I’ve seen (particularly in its exploration of power within the genre). I need to see more Varma.

Fright House (dir. Len Anthony, 1989) Makes absolutely no sense but Ernest Dickerson shoots the heck out of it and in terms of October vibes, it really does the trick.

Faust (dir. F.W. Murnau, 1926)

Reflections of Evil (dir. Damon Packard, 2002) One of the most disgusting and confounding films I’ve ever seen, but how Packard explores the political climates of several different decades, pop culture and capitalism almost exclusively through one man’s foul-mouthed adventures walking through L.A. selling watches is inspiring, especially in its dazzling final sequence. It also explores Spielberg’s immeasurable effect on culture in a way similar to house Spielberg does himself in Ready Player One.

Christine (dir. John Carpenter, 1983)*

Torso (dir. Sergio Martino, 1973)

Scream (dir. Wes Craven, 1996)*

Dracula (dir. Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)*

Nightmare Detective (dir. Shinya Tsukamoto, 2006)

Student Bodies (dir. Mickey Rose, 1981)

Giallo (dir. Dario Argento, 2009) I’m so consistently amazed with how self-reflexive horror auteurs get later on in their careers, as well as by how unwilling audiences who praise their early work are to buy into said work. To hyper-focus on this film’s aesthetic as generic and its violence gratuitous (and the same goes for 2004’s THE CARD PLAYER) is ignoring how painstakingly Argento wrestles with a genre he revolutionized. I mean, our antagonist here is a entitled man who sexualizes violence and whose skin has gone yellow in order to justify his namesake being that of said genre, how much more does he have to spell it out before he can be given credit (instead of using this as an opportunity to, say, jab at Argento for a negative review of the film by saying he is “yellowing with age”, Fangoria…….). Of course, I don’t mean to discredit the film by simplifying it in such a way but that Argento was this obvious in his attempt to self-reflect, it becomes especially evident that he, nor the genre, are taken seriously. I particularly think that this progresses the genre in its equal pathologizing of both parties of its cat-and-mouse game (both portrayed by Brody), ultimately sparing its victim in the end but leaving the originator of her trauma relatively ambiguous. At once, it is obvious that the character Giallo is to blame for his horrific violence, but it never takes the magnifying glass off of the detective character either, nor off of the giallo genre itself. I need to revisit some early Argento because I remember appreciating them for their craft and innovation, but that was much easier to do in the 70s (with regards to the subject matter of other films, at least). What he experiments with in his post-2000 work, however, is even more fascinating to me and will need to be examined.