#I have bootcamp this week

[daydreamdoodles]

Fatigue as a pms symptom is new I think but fucking sucks

[gourmetbeef]

Metaltango Week Day 1: Boot Camp

[wetslug]

just spent 30 mins trying to learn any, legit any, kind of dance. humbling experience

[bludelivers]

alrighty, it's almost midnight, it's the weekend, i'm on my own in the dark in the common room, i have whisky, i have tea, i have chocolate. it's time to properly 007 fest!

[keypostos]

caleb is 10 when he realizes that he's a physical touch fiend. the rush he gets when his hand lingers on top of your skin after playing with you is like no other. when he presses into your side while you're reading, his thoughts always circle around one topic: you, you, you. when you would run into his room after a nightmare, caleb was ready to swoop you in his arms and hold you until you fell asleep. every response towards you was involuntary.

caleb is 15 when he realizes that teasing 13-year-old you becomes irresistible. when he holds up your book, pencil, or some other item in the air, he watches as you jump up and down to try and grab it back. he's grown a lot in three years; if he had to estimate, he's a whole head taller than you now—20cm at least.

when you throw yourself onto him in an attempt to get your stuff back, he falters. you're laying against him on the couch, shuffling and moving up and down over his body, and caleb's breath hitches. you're so close and right there.

he's going insane. you can't even stand up for five seconds before caleb pulls you down against him once more, saying something about retaliation or revenge while tickling you to death.

caleb is 20 when he's about to leave for the DAA. there's an air of silence around the house. you've trapped yourself in your room more often, stressing over your senior finals. at least, that's what you've been telling him.

"i'm sorry caleb, i really need to study for this test."

"oh! i totally forgot about that project i had due tonight. shit, i'm sorry caleb. we'll have another movie night soon, okay?"

he doesn't know if you're actually this busy or if you're actually ignoring him. all he does know is that he misses you. he wonders about how he could miss someone who was in the room across from him. you were so close, but so far.

when you found out he was leaving—though you had a grin on your face while congratulating him—caleb knew you were devastated. he wondered if you were secretly mad at him for leaving.

two weeks before his departure, he practically forces you to be around him. he laid down next to you like before. he stroked your hair while you napped on the couch. he teased you and picked you up so you could hit him and grab him like you used to. he always chose to put his arm around you during a movie. he dragged you by the hand all around the neighborhood. he needed to all of that again, a thousand times more.

but at 24, it seems like there may have been a wedge between the two of you. calls are more and more infrequent.

"sorry, space signal sucks," he'd type.

"sorry, i was busy with training!" you'd reply, 2 days later.

he thinks that he would do anything to go back to before. he hasn't felt you in months. he sees you only twice a year.

it's hard. it was excruciating during the first few weeks. not only was he dealing with bootcamp, but he always found himself looking to his side, thinking you'd be there with him. at night, you were there, right next to him in bed.

he imagined that you would whisper words of reassurance in his ear. you'd hold onto him like you used to, when you had nightmares, and wrap your legs between his. there were days where we stroked his necklace, wishing that it was your hand instead. what he would give to have you next to him.

all he wants is to be able to feel you again. he chastises his 10-year-old self for taking you for granted back then. he wants to feel the apples of your cheeks when he caresses your face. once,—when he was 13 (you, 11)—he did that, and he thought you had a fever the way you warmed up. if he could, caleb would build a time machine to go back to that.

caleb is 25 when he is out of your life.

he thinks about you every day. it reminds him of when he was in bootcamp five years ago. it takes him back to when he was fifteen; you were on top of him, and his brain was fried to a crisp. caleb wonders if he's always been this way, because he can recall that at ten, you were still the only thing consuming his mind.

even during his arm repairs, you're there throughout all the pain.

when you discover his metal arm, all of caleb's instincts point to the door. he's spent so long trying to hide it from you: it's the constant long-sleeves (even though they made him incredibly uncomfortable), or making sure to only touch you with his left-hand (even though he wanted to pull you in with both hands).

but he stays. because it's you.

you freeze momentarily, listening to his writhes and moans of pain. caleb only notices you're there when he feels your hands brush his shoulder. he jolts back in surprise, and he sees you looming over him.

he stammers something, not even sure of what he said because you're here. you see him. you see it.

caleb's wanted this for so long. he wanted to see you again, in a state where you were both vulnerable, like old times. however, that moment probably wouldn't have come if he doesn't confess about this, so he relays the details.

you listen attentively, eyes wide with shock as caleb goes on. your hands wrap around his metal one, and he feels nothing. it's agonizing. he sees you examine him so gently. your fingers trace over bolts and plates of metal, lightly stroking up and down his arm. and caleb feels nothing.

how often has he dreamed of this? for you to be touching him again, so intimately and softly? he's stayed up countless nights wishing for you to be here, just so he can put his arms around you in a crushing embrace, only to be incapable of feeling you on one side of his body.

you pull away from his arm, asking if the fleet was accountable. when he doesn't say anything, he feels your weight lift off the bed and go towards the door.

whatever happens next is involuntary. he uses his flesh arm to pull you back, caging you between his forearm and his chest. there's no thought to it, no rationalization. it's just you and him. and he's been deprived of this for so long.

he breathes into the crevice of your neck, and he has half a mind to place his entire face there. he wants to breathe you in after being away from you for so long. no conversations, no contact, no touching. the last time he was this close to you was years ago. he needs this, caleb thinks.

the feel of you against his bare chest is something he cannot seem to describe. it's like he's his teenage (or even kid) self again, where he seems to short-circuit whenever he comes in contact with you. you're still small compared to him, but you fit perfectly like you did a decade ago.

he lets you go after he feels you trembling. you don't hesitate to place your hands on his waist and tackle him onto the bed. you catch him off-guard as you pin him beneath you, looking straight into his eyes.

"hold me," you plead, "with your right hand."

caleb lets out a shaky breath. there are voltages of electricity flowing through him—literally and figuratively. his skin sparks alive when he feels you. will it be the same with the metal arm?

slowly, caleb raises his mechanical arm. he wraps it around you, and feels the movement of your back shift downwards. you released a breath you didn't know you were holding. caleb held his.

you wait patiently before caleb starts running his metal hand up and down your back. you watch him exhale as he continues. you press your forehead on his, and you breathe in tandem with him.

caleb is 25 when he discovers that he loves physical touch.

wow like i didn't expect this to get so long... but like here we are???

i think we need to start embracing touch-starved caleb in all of our fics. this man hasn't seen the love of his life in YEARS (infrequently, anyway) so i think once she touches him (like INTIMATELY) for the first time in years he goes a little cray.

also sorry the ending was rushed i wanted to get this over with bc i intented this to be like 500 words but obviously it got way longer than that. what can i say... this freak has dug into my brain.

[undercoverslutt]

interrupted: best friends older brother! simon << masterlist

you were a junior now, time has passed and flown just like you like. you had a few weeks left before you could leave your campus, and be on your way back to town for the summer.

while you're away at college, you and simon, kept up with each other on a more than normal basis over the past two summers--normal basis as in enough for you and your best friends older-ish brother? just by a few years. you two have seemed to...bond. in a way that wasn't needed to be explained. because it would be hard to.

don't really know if the term friend even fits for you two. it wasn't even really that. but it wasn't not nothing. it was something and it was interesting and blurry.

he said he liked the way your bagel looked one morning, and starts asking you to send a pic whenever you end up having one. now you can't help but get a bagel everyday, you like when he hearts your pictures. that sound going off on your phone. it was a little silly. it made you laugh. this then turned into you sending pics of your lunch, or dinner. and maybe a snack here, and there.

so now you're here, sitting at one of your schools cafe's, a bag of chips, and a sandwich right in front of you. simon had told you your laugh sounded different than the last time he saw you in person. which was winter break, you had been with them for a few weeks, your break beginning mid decemeber, and ending early january.

"does it really?" you have him propped up on your water cup, taking a bite of your sandwich. you wait for his response. his camera being off of course.

"you sound like a scholar." he says, cut and dry. you softly roll your eyes, he always did that. trying to throw in compliments on your school process. it looked like he was folding his clothes for another few months of bootcamp. he was heading back. "wipe your face."

he hears you laughing again even though it's short, and smiles to himself, one he doesn't let you see. you really didn't sound any different at all. a familiar voice then sounds behind you. it was one of your guy friends, and you move your mouth away from your next bite. your smile fading. you take a napkin just as you hear him, wiping your face like simon told you to the first time.

"hey, is that your boyfriend?"

"no. what do you want?"

"yea right. who is that?" you friend keeps going.

"ghost, i'll call you back." you say. immediately ending the call and flicking your friend off for bothering you. you push out the chair in front of you and tell him to sit down. "i didn't know we were studying for finals this early, johnny."

> call u back.

< Yea

[redpill-tfs]

sup mate I'm british can I get a red pill I hate it here.

I'd be glad to help you out mate. I'll send you the pill and a plane ticket shortly. You'll know what to do when you arrive at your destination.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You arrive at the London airport about a week later, ticket and pill in hand. Nothing else will be needed for your new life. You weren't told where you were going, and the ticket strangely doesn't say. It just has your name and the gate number. You're starting to feel a bit weirded out by it but anything is better than staying here in Britain, right?

You get through security with no issues, arriving at your gate just as the passengers are boarding. You sit down in your seat, ready for your new life to begin as the plane takes off not long after. The guy next to you is in a military uniform, looking at the nearly naked women in a magazine he brought. You try to hide your disgust in having to sit next to this guy for the whole flight. Those imperialist douchebags just bragged about the women they fucked and flexing in front of the bros. Totally unlike you in every way.

You remember the pill in your pocket and pull it out. It sits in the palm of your hand, almost begging to be swallowed. The in flight TV is playing news about debates in Parliament, but you can't bring yourself to pay attention. It's not as though British politics will matter to you anymore. that isn't to say you paid much attention before, not even taking the time to vote.

As the flight attendant brings you your water and the smallest bag of pretzels you've ever seen, you take the chance to finally take the red pill. It goes down on the first gulp. At first you don't feel anything. Was this all a scam? Are you going to be stuck in the US with only the clothes on your back and no way to contact anyone back home?

You don't have to worry for long, however, as you get a tingling feeling in your stomach. You squeeze past the guy sitting next to you and rush to the airplane bathroom, quickly locking the door behind you. You press your hands against the sink to support yourself. Were they always that big and calloused?

You take a look in the bathroom's mirror. Your hair has been cut into a short, standard brown haircut, not a hair out of place. Some stubble has grown onto your face, giving a nice mature but rugged look.

You stare in shock as your body changes. Any fat on your body is gone in an instant, replaced by pure muscle. Not too much, just enough to show you're in shape and train regularly. You feel your feet grow larger, now a size 14.

Your old clothes disappear in a flash as new clothes materialize in their place to match the new you. Your old nerdy t shirt is now a plain dark green, complimenting your new figure. Dark green camo pants accompany the look, perfectly showing off your longer legs. Was your butt always that much of a bubble butt? The pants sure don't hide it. A camo jacket drapes itself over your shoulders, the American flag displayed proudly on your bigger arm. Finally, a pair of boots plops onto your feet, ready for the days of training ahead. (Wait, training?)

That's right, you're heading back to base after taking a short vacation to the UK with your bro Jake. You've been in the army since you turned 18, hating your time in school and wanting to serve your country proudly, just as your father and grandfather did before you. You met Jake on the first day of bootcamp and became the best of bros ever since. You two constantly worked out together, ate meals together, and of course hit on women together when you took trips off base. You couldn't ask for a better wingman if your body count was anything to go by. The ladies love a man in uniform after all.

You give yourself one last look over in the mirror before you head back to your seat, giving Jake your special handshake as you sit back down next to him.

"You okay, bro? You were in there for a while."

"Yeah, broski. Just making sure I look good for the chicks, ya know?"

"If you say so bro. Hey, check out this chick in here."

As you refastened your seatbelt, you take a look back at the TV. FOX News is reporting how Trump is passing tariffs on Canada and Mexico. You smirk as you listen. You can't think of a better president than Trump, besides maybe Reagan. He was turning the country back around, making it a force to be reckoned with soon the global stage. Those sissy snowflake libtards could cry about it all they wanted, but you knew the country was on the Right path once again. You voted for Trump all three times he ran of course.

The flight landed in South Carolina not long after, and you and Jake set off back to Fort Jackson. Though sure no one would notice if you two snuck in a quick trip to a bar for a one night stand!

[thatwildwolfwrites]

—in which turians gossip.

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's youngest?

His son? Yeah. Apparently he got detention again. It's the fifth time this week. I don't know why that child keeps talking back. It's like he has no respect for authority.

Well, they'll beat that out of him at bootcamp. He'll fall in line eventually.

Why can't he just be normal? All the other kids his age understand this already. Maybe something's wrong with him...

I wonder. He's not growing up into a good turian... Poor Castis.

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's son?

--

Yes. What a waste. I heard he ranked at the very top in all sharpshooting and hand to hand combat tests... and all of that for nothing.

What's wrong with him? 

He will never make a good turian.

Spirits, poor Castis. First the accident, and now that son of his...

--

What about his son? I thought he was normal now. Didn't he find a job, outside the military?

He did. Citadel Security, like his father. Easier outlet for that... passion of his. You know. All that talk of justice and right and wrong... Castis hoped working at C-Sec would help him get it out of his system. Start being normal. Maybe he would finally burn through that... energy.

Did it work?

He's constantly fighting with his superiors. Disobeying orders. Questioning their judgement. I hear he's just as much trouble out there as he ever was down here.

I don't envy Castis right now. Hearing about your son constantly failing at the job you excelled at... It's got to do something to you.

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's son? I heard he actually quit C-Sec now. Couldn't even conform to that. Now he's left the Citadel on a whim, with some human, on an impulse...

--

Poor Castis.

Poor Castis.

I heard Castis Vakarian's son was part of that mess at the Citadel, with the geth.

--

Apparently he's aiming to be a Spectre now. I don't know how his father is going to take that.

I wouldn't want to be in his plates right now.

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's son? He dropped out of the Spectre training program.

--

Have you heard? He's gone mad.

I heard he finally snapped. Had some sort of identity crisis, left spirits know where without saying anything.

I suppose it was always a matter of time. There's always been something wrong with that boy. Still, his poor family...

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's son? 

--

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian? Yeah, he has kis kids staying over.

I heard. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse. Working with a terrorist organisation. Human supremacists, too... I can't imagine what his father's going through right now.

--

I heard it's a difficult family situation, yes. The mother's dying, and he... At least he still has his daughter, not like that good for nothing son of his.

Have you seen him? What a disgrace. Half his body covered in scars like that. Wearing his failures right on his face... His family must be so ashamed.

Heard he's saying he's fallen in love with an alien. A human of all species. 

Disgusting.

That's just adding insult to injury. His poor family.

Poor Castis.

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's son?

--

Isn't he the one in charge of that refugee camp on the Citadel? Who even decided to put him in a leadership role?

I don't know. I heard he's friends with the new Primarch. I heard he failed upwards. I heard he's in an important position now, in charge of helping with that war summit.

This damn war. They'll promote anyone as long as they're still alive.

--

--

--

Have you seen? Commander Shepard's written a private account about the Reaper War. Have you read this? 

--

Incredible.

Heartwarming.

Inspiring.

Unbelievable.

Beautiful.

She wrote about Garrus Vakarian.

They were close. He was her lieutenant. Her closest aide. Her best friend.

He held her up when she stumbled. He asked her to take care of herself. He checked in with her. He cared. When everyone else saw the Commander, he was the only one who saw a person. He was the only one who asked how she was doing. He was the only one who supported her.

She wrote about everything he did for her.

He's the only reason she had the strength to win that war.

He saved the world.

--

--

Have you heard about Castis Vakarian?

--

You mean Garrus Vakarian's father? Yeah. I heard. He must be so proud.

[theboytatu]

2023 EXO WRAPPED

newton's 4th law states that for every "it's so over" there's an equally opposite "we are so back" so taking that into account i present to you the 2023 EXO WRAPPED so we can take a look at how truly insane EXO's career was this year

so we started out the year on a positive note. baekhyun was about to come back from the military - every other member was available, and the rumors of an EXO comeback were growing stronger. things were looking UP!

sadly - our first "it's so over" comes into play a mere month into the year, when news broke that lee sooman was being ousted from SM after a hostile board takeover resulted in him reaching out to hybe to get enough juice to fend off the witch hunt

no one knew what the fuck was going on - every idol in that company was sending out coded messages begging for help and all the scheduled comebacks got delayed, half assed or canceled. thankfully the succession plot got discarded quickly and hybe dropped out from the race, resulting in kakao investing in SM as major shareholder and lee sooman officially leaving the company.

after a few months of uncertainty EXO were finally reunited for their anniversary fanmeeting - we are so back!!! this was the first time the 8 members were together on stage since 2018 so of course everybody was losing their shit. and then we got confirmation that the comeback was finally happening.

this was it. it was happening. the FIRST full group comeback IN FIVE YEARS... we had confirmation, so they couldn't take it back - right? RIGHT??? except.... the weeks kept passing and as time went on we knew nothing else about the comeback. the members were radio silent and SM was still getting their shit together from the hostile takeover. both EXO and shinee's comebacks got delayed (among others) and no one knew what was supposed to happen. every day we got another news article about the EXO comeback but the EXO in question was nowhere to be seen - the full spectrum of the exol experience:

what happened next constitutes what experts have called the biggest "it's so fucking over" in recorded history so you better buckle up....

the comeback was first confirmed on social media by numerous music producers who were often seen working with EXO. SM was still radio silent but we KNEW the album was being made at the very least. expectations were building up and the members were seen practicing together in the SM building.... and then.

kai got notified that he had to enlist WITH ONE WEEK'S NOTICE.... the comeback wasn't even done shooting. kai was dying his hair a different color everyday to cram an album's worth of content in a couple of days. in hindsight this was truly our biggest L of the year

and then SM lied about how the military had suddenly changed the rules of enlistment so they didn't know kai had to go. AN ACTUAL MILITARY OFFICIAL had to go on the record to disprove this and it turns out SM had lied because they fucked up kai's paperwork and he couldn't defer any more. just your average SM fuck up

anyway. we'd facen worse right? an exo member enlisting has never been a problem to release a comeback - so after sending kai off to his bootcamp the rest of exo went right back to business. that album wasn't gonna record itself.....

and then on june 1st the second airplane hit the exo towers.

the amount of articles and updates we got every hour from different parties was insane. no one knew what the fuck was happening and SM was busy fighting this PR nightmare with a smear campaign against CBX and by association the rest of EXO

exoplanet was on fire but we had a silver lining: SM stock was plummeting to an all time low. it looked like EXO freedom was on the horizon, but in a classic EXO move the members had ghosted us. no one had heard from them except for legal statements from their lawyers - but hey at least SM was a dumpsterfire!

mind you the comeback hadn't even been announced.... at this point we assumed that was the least of their worries and then word got out that the members had been trying to film the MV in the middle of the lawsuit and SM hadn't allowed CBX entry to the set... which was later disproved but no one even questioned that cause it's literally something SM would do

and then in what constitutes the single most bizarre album rollout in kpop the comeback was officially announced - with two prerelease songs and three MVs! and three members in a legal battle! sounds very 2014 right? well exols didn't give a shit, and then we got our next we are sooo back. the hype was THERE

after a lot of 📈📉📈📉 the lawsuit against SM was settled and CBX decided to remain in the company for the sake of the group, and the songs they prereleased were actually good so it was safe to say exoplanet was on their WE ARE SOOOO BACK era.... but SM wouldn't let us have it so easy so of course this happened immediately after

they started cancelling albums and understocking distributors but nevertheless... WE PERSISTED. the album was finally released and once again EXO, true to their title of the cockroaches of kpop, managed to break several records despite SM sabotaging them left and right. they had ONE music show win and THREE streams but it didn't matter. EXO was back.

after their comeback promotions lasted a whopping SEVEN days and then dipped from the face of the earth exoplanet was finally looking back to normal

baekhyun drunk texted fans on bubble and held live spaces on twitter where he fell asleep and snored in front of 30 thousand people. kyungsoo dropped a mini album that had been recorded and ready to go for over a year and then rumors of someone leaving SM started circulating on korean foums again. exols were busy counting down the days to sehun finally hauling his ass to the military and every time EXO SC had a fanmeeting we were sure he was going to leave. and THEN....

surprising absolutely no one, kyungsoo didn't renew his contract with SM and left amicably in mid october. suho sent this bubble the same day the news came out btw

we were back in our it's so over era which at this point for EXO and exols it's closer to our we are so back era.... it's kinda hard to keep up but at least nothing else was gonna happen. it was already november, the end of the year was coming and no one expected anything else in exoplanet for at least 6 to 8 months. this is already longer than exo's career so i'll just wrap it up in a second part!!

[ohlawdthebirds]

Ace In The Hole

Platonic!141 x Gn! and Asexual!Reader

Huge thank you to @groguspicklejar for letting me turn her drabble into a full fic. You can find the drabble here.

TW: Nothing huge, slight NSFW because sex is mentioned in this fic.

Synopsis: Price is fed up with how much Soap and Gaz sleep around. He's at his wits end until you come up with a solution.

And credit to @cafekitsune for these gorgeous dividers.

FREE PALESTINE FOREVER!!!!

Captain John Price was a lot of things: a respected member of the armed forces, a diligent leader, and an overall powerhouse of a man. He’d survived weeks of bootcamp, hailstorms of bullets, and targets on his life at every given turn. That all being said, he found himself wondering where he went wrong in life. When did he, captain of an elite task force, become mediator for his subordinates’ squabbles?

Soap and Gaz sat in front of him, petulant as toddlers, arguing over their latest paramour. The two of them shared a barracks room and were arguing over a “sleepover schedule” so that all of their “needs” were being met. From what Price had gathered, they currently had no set schedule, leaving them walking in on each other while with their barrack bunny of the week.

Not for the first time, John Price considered an early retirement.

“Ye cannae take the whole week, ye bampot!” Soap was indignant over Gaz’s proposed schedule, one that would give him Monday through Thursday, leaving Soap with Friday and Saturday. Sundays were off limits. Even God rested.

“Ah’m no lettin’ ye keep the lass to yerself. Isnae fair now innit?” He cried.

“Fair? You want the bird all to yourself, then? As I recall, you were balls deep in her most of last week. Nearly had to pry you out of her, you arse!” Gaz tossed back.

It was no secret that the two of them were sluts. Whores, even. John “Soap” MacTavish and Kyle “Gaz” Garrick had a penchant for sleeping around. They’d bedded no less than half their battalion, bedded a fair number of civilians during their leaves, and even bedded each other on a few occasions. Price would be lying if he said he wasn’t impressed. But with these conquests came the inevitable: arguing over shared partners and said partners sometimes fighting over who got to sleep with whom. It was ridiculous, really.

They continued on until Price decided he was actively losing brain cells. He slammed his hands on the desk and stood from his chair. Two of his best and brightest froze in their seats, eyes wide as they stared at him.

“Right then, is there any particular reason you lot felt the need to have this discussion in my office? Clearly you two don’t have enough to keep you busy. Seems I’ll have to change that.”

Soap and Gaz loudly protested, voices overlapping each other’s. Price was gearing up to distribute both a mountain of paperwork and multiple laps around the building when a knock came from his office door. He fixed Soap and Gaz with a piercing stare that silenced them, before calling out for whomever knocked to come in. You stepped in, brows furrowed over the yelling you heard earlier.

“Everything okay in here, sir?”

Price nodded gruffly. “These two were done anyways. Boys, you’re dismissed.”

Once Price declared something there was no pushing back on it. The man was immovable once he made up his mind.

The two sergeants decided it was best to cut their losses then and there and continue their argument back in the barracks. They greeted you on their way out, Gaz gently clapping you on the shoulder and Soap bumping fists with you. Price sat back behind his desk and retrieved a cigar from a drawer.

“I thought you were on leave today?” the captain said.

 “Still am,” you replied, “Just wanted to make sure nothing came up before I left out.”

Price shook his head. “You’re all good, kid. See you Monday.”

You grinned and nodded. You were about to move towards the door but paused, turning to face Price. “Captain, I know it’s none of my business, truly, but I overheard what Soap and Gaz were arguing about before I came in. I think I could potentially help you out here.”

Price’s brow furrowed. You continued, “You know how competitive those two get, right? Why not use that against them? Make a bet to see who can go the longest without sleeping with anyone.”

Price ran a hand over his moustache as he considered. It wasn’t a bad plan. It was certainly one that had potential.

“Could work, certainly. But you know they won’t just accept a bet without a good prize, right?”

A smirk crossed your lips. “Of course, Cap, that’s where this gets interesting.” You leaned forward, eyebrows raised. Price indulged you, leaning forward himself.

“I enter this little competition. A third person will ensure they won’t try cheating, since they’ll have to keep themselves accountable. The winner not only gets to decide on whatever weird schedule thing they’ve got going on, provided all partners consent of course, but they also get dibs on the good seat in the chopper on our next mission.”

Price sat back in his chair, mulling it over. “Knew there was a reason we recruited you. Ace, you might have just saved me a weekend’s worth of headaches. I’ll inform those two gits.”

You grinned. This would certainly be interesting, especially since no one knew you had quite the “ace” up your sleeve.

-

It wasn’t a secret that you were asexual, it just wasn’t something that came up often. You never officially came out to the 141, deeming it unnecessary. When asked whether you were dating, you’d brush off the questions by answering that you weren’t all that interested. When prompted further if anyone on base had caught your eye, you’d respond that you were too busy. These things were true in a sense; being a sniper for the 141 certainly kept you busy and even during your downtime you found yourself preoccupied with whatever hobby you’d decided to indulge in that week or hanging out with your teammates. You lived a full life and considered dating relatively low on your list of priorities. There was also something deeply hilarious about your callsign being “Ace”, though it was referencing just how skillful you were with a sniper rifle. Entering this contest wasn’t anything difficult for you. In fact, you thought it would be interesting to see how your teammates would rise to the challenge.

-

The first week after Price announced the challenge was probably the funniest week of your life. Soap and Gaz were indignant, which you expected, but they accepted the challenge, nonetheless. When Price revealed that you were also in the running, they made it a point to corner you at the shooting range. You were reloading your gun when they walked in. Soap was the first to approach you, striding forward with his arms crossed.

“So, Price told us yer the one who proposed this whole contest, aye? Fir wye?” he asked.

You placed the gun down and turned to fully face your teammates. “’Why?’” you repeated back, “Because the two of you were causing chaos on base and Price was ready to assign you cleaning duty for the rest of your careers. If anything, you should be thanking me.”

“Well, we’re letting you know that we’ve accepted the challenge. That heli seat is mine,” Gaz said. After his incident from last year, Gaz made it a point to sit as far away from the helicopter door as possible.

“That’s fine by me,” You turned and picked the gun back up, “Though, I’m sure this’ll be easy.”

Gaz cocked an eyebrow at you. “And what makes you say that?”

“Oh, nothing in particular. Just excited to see how this’ll go.” You cocked the gun and aimed it, firing off a round into the center of the target paper.

-

After finishing at the gun range, you headed towards the canteen to grab lunch. It wasn’t until you’d grabbed your food and began to look for your teammates that you heard laughter bubbling up around the canteen. You ignored it, moving towards the back table where Ghost currently occupied a seat. Ghost didn’t acknowledge you when you sat down, his eyes trained just past your shoulder. Your brows furrowed and you quickly followed his line of sight, turning back towards the door. The moment your eyes locked onto Soap and Gaz you nearly fell out of your chair in shock.

They were dressed as nuns, and from what you could tell, they were wearing legitimate nun habits instead of cheap costumes from Halloweens past. They strode forward, faces solemn and hands folded in prayer. Soap fiddled with a rosary his mother had given him on his first deployment. They approached your table, made the sign of the cross, and sat down. Ghost shot incredulous looks at the both of them.

“What’s all this, then? Halloween come early?” He asked.

“We’ve taken a vow of chastity, Lt. The ol’ Johnny and Kyle are no more. We’ve devoted ourselves to prayer and abstinence. We’re men o’ the cloth now,” Soap replied.

“Shoulda’ taken a vow of silence,” Ghost tossed out, digging his fork into whatever mystery meat the canteen had slapped on his tray.

You and Kyle didn’t bother holding back your chuckles.

“You do realize the nun habits are unnecessary, right? Price never said you had to wear them.” You said.

“Yes, but this shows that we’re serious about this challenge,” Kyle piped up.

You fixed him with a deadpan stare. “There’s absolutely nothing serious about your current get-up. But okay.”

The rest of lunch passed without much else happening, save for the occasional snort of laughter from other personnel.

-

The second week was just as nonsensical as the first. You knew the terrible two were up to no good when jangling and clanking noises came from them as they walked into Price’s office. The men sat, albeit quite stiffly, and tried their hardest to ignore Price’s hard glare.

“What’s all that ruckus?” Price growled out.

Soap had the nerve to look as though his captain were speaking in riddles. “Ah’ dunno what yer on about Cap, we’ve done nothin’ wrong. Right Gaz?”

Gaz at least had the decency to look embarrassed. You placed down the file you were examining. “What’s all that clanking you two have got going on?”

Soap wasted no time in standing up and yanking down his pants. You were met with the sight of a leather and metal thong with a padlock over the crotch. A chastity belt. The man was wearing an honest-to-God chastity belt.

The room was stunned into silence. Gaz hung his head in shame. It only took you a moment to realize he was wearing the same contraption. Ghost was the first to break the silence.

“Those come with keys?”

“Why Lt? You lookin’ to unlock me?” Soap smirked at Ghost, still a flirt despite the clear restrictions on him.

“I’m lookin’ to throw those keys out the window,” Ghost replied dryly. You caught Price trying to stifle his laughter behind his fist.

“Do those hurt?” you asked.

“Nah, but they do pinch a bit. Mostly awkward to walk around in,” Gaz said.

Price stood from his desk and passed over more files. “If you’re all well and done, Laswell’s got a few updates from last week. Give these a read.”

You had to admit, there was something comical about reading over confidential information while knowing two men in the room had actual chastity belts on. Price soon dismissed you all back to whatever tasks you had on base. You headed to the gym with Ghost right alongside you. Soap and Gaz clanked out the door and down the hall.

“How long d’you think they’ll keep this up?” You asked once you were in the gym, scooting yourself underneath the bench press. Ghost shrugged, adding more weights to the bar.

“Depends on how just how committed they are to this whole thing. Though I’m sure they’ll break soon,” he answered.

“What makes you say that?” Your hands reached up to the bar, readying yourself to lift the weights.

“Just a feeling. Adjust your grip, you’ll kill yourself otherwise.”

“No, seriously, what makes you say that?” You gripped the bar, raising up and lowering it to your chest before raising it back up again.

“On the field, those are some of the smartest men I know. On base? Barkin’ mad, the both of ‘em. Surprised they even lasted this long.”

You racked the weights above your head once your set was finished. “You’re probably right. But you have to admit, this has been a pretty entertaining two weeks.” You looked up at Ghost, who seemed to be deep in thought.

“Why’d you join this contest anyways?” He asked.

You sat up and turned to him. “Because I knew it’d be an easy win. I don’t exactly…ah, well, I figured it’d be fun to see how things played out.”

Ghost grunted in reply. “Fair enough. Now give me twenty more reps.”

You groaned as you made your way back under the bar.

-

As it turned out, Ghost was right. The third week was when things reached their breaking point. You were on the hunt for a missing knife, one you’d lent Gaz a few days back. Ghost’s words replayed in your mind; were the sergeants reaching their breaking point? Would they soon throw in the towel?

You approached Soap and Gaz’s barrack, fist raised to knock, when you heard a noise that froze your fist mid-air. There was the sound of rustling and grunting. You jumped back from the door.

There was no way…unless?

You stepped forward again, rapping your knuckles against the wood. All sounds behind the door stopped. You were about to knock again when the door swung open.

You came face to face with Gaz, his eyes blown wide and his chest heaving.

“Gaz? You alright? Why are you so flushed?”

Your eyes caught sight of a bruise on the column of his throat. In fact, there were multiple bruises. Before he could raise his shirt to cover them, you yanked down the collar.

“Hold it, what’s this? What’s this, Gazzy-boy?! You get attacked by over-enthusiastic mosquitoes?!”

Gaz swatted your hands away. “N-no, this is just-! I burned myself earlier!”

Ignoring his protests you shouldered past him into the room, where you were met with the sight of Soap trying to pull on clothes as fast as humanly possible. You paused in the middle of the room and inhaled deeply. The air stunk of sweat and lust. Soap, having wrangled himself into pants, tried to approach you.

“Listen Ace, this isnae wit ye think it is. We were just havin’ a chat, Gaz’n ah. ”

You turned to him with a grin stretching from cheek to cheek. “Oh really? Because I think you two were having more than just a chat. And I think I just won the bet. And this-” You whipped out your phone and snapped a picture of the two of them, clothes disheveled, and skin marked with hickeys, “Is enough to prove it!”

With that you turned on your heel and booked it out the door, flying down the corridor and across the building towards Price’s office. Gaz and Soap ran after you, yelling for you to stop. The door to Price’s office nearly flew off the hinges when you barged in, phone held out in front of you. Price leveled you with a glower.

“This better be good, sergeant, otherwise you’re runnin’ laps for the next hour.”

“Oh, this is better than good, Captain, this is great.” You upped your phone’s brightness and slapped it on his desk. Price leaned over, squinting at the screen. It took only a moment for him to register what he was staring at before his eyes widened. Soap and Gaz barreled into the room, out of breath and speaking over each other.

“Cap, isnae wot ye think-!”

“Ace is framing us! We weren’t-!”

Price's face darkened. He stood from his desk, your phone in his hand.

“You fools couldn’t last 3 weeks?”

The room went dead silent, and you swore the temperature dropped a little. For a moment you wondered if you made a fatal mistake.

Price stalked forward, nearly towering over the three of you.

“Ace, you’ve won the bet. But I’ve just realized that we only discussed the reward and not the punishment for this. Any ideas?” He turned to you and handed your phone over.

Gaz and Soap shot you pleading looks, silently begging for you to be merciful. And for a moment you wondered if you should make them suffer, make them writhe. But in a moment of mercy, you decided against it.

“You know, I’m impressed that these two were able to find those nun habits and chastity belts. And such high quality too! You think they can find maid costumes?”

Price’s face lit up with the sick delight. “Oh, I’m sure they’ll manage. And I’m sure they’ll wear ‘em for the next three weeks too.”

Soap and Gaz’s faces were masks of pure shock. It was at that moment that Ghost walked into the office, a cup of tea in one hand and a file in the other. He stared at the scene in front of him, turned, and walked back out.

-

You were wrong. The weeks during the bet weren’t the funniest of your life. It was truly the weeks after that took the cake.

As per your request, Gaz and Soap procured maid outfits, complete with fishnet stockings and kitten heels. They were met with raucous laughter everywhere they went. The only one with a modicum of shame was Gaz, and even then, you caught him strutting his stuff when he passed you in the halls. Soap was happy to be back to normal. He even claimed that the costume was a hit with his partners that liked role-playing.

You saddled up next to Ghost in the rec room one night, thanking him when he brought down your favorite tea from the shelf. The two of you prepared your drinks in companionable quiet. Ghost turned to you, spoon halting in his cup.

“I would say congrats on winnin’ that bet, but I figured you would.”

You huffed out a gentle laugh. “Thanks, Lt.”

Ghost paused for a moment, seeming almost sheepish.

“You, uh…you never finished what you were saying, back when we were in the gym. Said you ‘didn’t exactly' and then you trailed off.”

“Oh, I can’t believe you remembered that. Yeah, I just…um…basically I don’t experience dating and relationships the same way everyone else does.”

“What d’you mean by that?”

You stopped stirring your tea. A part of you wondered if Ghost would understand, if he’d be supportive. You knew the man well enough that he wouldn’t ridicule you, but not everyone was understanding. It often felt like being asexual was a fringe thing. You sucked in a deep breath. Regardless of anyone’s feelings, you were asexual. It was real and anyone who said otherwise could get a mouthful of your boots.

“I’m asexual. Don’t really experience sexual attraction, y’know? Like, when you see someone others deem “hot” or “attractive” or whatever and want to have sex with them? I don’t understand that, and that desire doesn’t really happen to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a libido, its just never directed towards any one particular person. It’s a whole spectrum.”

You ended your ramble with a sip of tea.

“Oh, so that’s what it’s called? Didn’t realize there was a name for it,” Ghost muttered. You stiffened, cup halted in midair.

“When’d you figure that out?” Ghost asked.

“Kinda knew I was different when I began faking crushes on people back in school. And anytime those “crushes” reciprocated, I was weirded out by it. I did have real crushes, but those came a bit later. I’ve dated before, and thankfully my partners were understanding. I even had sex once! Just to try it out. It was…y’know, it was fine but I’m still definitely asexual.” You trailed off with a nervous laugh. “Sorry for the ramble, but whenever people ask, I try to explain everything, so I don’t have to keep answering questions.”

“I appreciate the honesty,” Ghost said. He cleared his throat. He seemed stuck between wanting to ask more and wondering if he was asking too much. In the end, you looked over and said: “I have a few books on it if you ever want to read up more on the subject. They helped me out a lot.”

Ghost said nothing, only nodding. He gently clinked your cup with his before he turned and headed towards the door. He stopped at the door frame and looked back over his shoulder.

“Hey Ace?”

You sipped more of your tea.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

You smiled.

“Anytime, Ghost.”

[saintjosie]

i’m not humble bragging when i say im pretty and passing. i’m hot as fuck.

when i brag, i brag with my whole chest, and i don’t do it often. so let me brag for a minute.

i am an excellent photographer and i worked in professional photography and videography for almost a decade and have traveled all around the world to do so. left image taken in milan, right image taken in thailand.

i hold one of the top scores on rush pinball on record. 25th in the world last i checked and i got this score five months after picking up pinball.

i try new hobbies all the time and almost always pick them up at an insane speed. on the left, first time painting since high school on the right, first acrylic pour.

after two weeks learning archery, i shot a regulation 140, better than many hobbyists do after shooting for years. image taken from my first day of shooting and shooting at full range.

i’ve dabbled in makeup art. this was after three weeks of learning how to do eye shadow.

i can sing, play guitar, bass, piano, drums, can improvise on all of them except piano and i write, produce, mix, and master all of my own music. i started learning music production four years ago from online videos and have 100s of thousands of streams and am working on a full album. this was my spotify wrapped for 2023.

other miscellaneous things

i have a masters degree

i learned how to lockpick in seven minutes

i’ve been world top 500 demon hunter in diablo 3 multiple times

i cleared slay the spire on my first run

i have cleared every song on guitar hero 2 and 3 on expert 100% (yes even through the fire and flames), and could clear more than half of them either blindfolded, left-handed, or both. (not anymore tho lol)

i taught myself how to cook, i make up my own recipes frequently, i can improvise recipes using whatever is lying around, i can guess how to make a recipe without looking it up, and many people have told me that my cooking is the best thing they’ve ever eaten.

i took a data science bootcamp and then worked at a fortune 500 tech company for several years and i also turned down job offers from google twice.

strangers regularly come up to me and tell me i’m unrealistically gorgeous and that i have the best skin they’ve ever seen.

i’ve turned down several men in the mainstream music industry who tried to slide into my dms

oh and i can dance at bars, have a good time, AND look sexy while doing it.

so like 🤷‍♀️

[feralgoblinqueen]

Silly Goose

Simon “Ghost” Riley x fem!reader

MDNI please and thank you

Warnings: Dirty humor, mentions of masturbation, slightly dark humor if you squint.

A/N: Let me know what you think. All feedback is appreciated since this is the first fic I’ve written and posted for others to read in years.

———

It started when you joined Task Force 141. Price had not considered adding another member to their already reputable team. At least, until your impressive file managed to come across his desk. Most notably the praises of former team and squad mates. You raised the morale of every company you joined as far back as your first deployment. Your previous CO could only sing your praises as Price sat and listened to him over the phone.

It was an easy decision to invite you into the team. It was confirmed to be the right decision a week later when he joined the four of you in the mess. You were in the middle of a story, the whole table captivated.

“So we had spent the last two weeks 40 clicks behind enemy lines. It should have felt like the return to civilization when we rejoined with the company. It didn’t.” Your hands punctuated your words, you were drawing in the attention of even those at surrounding tables.

“By the time we rendezvous with the rest of the company, our supply truck had been hit. Whole company on one meal a day until we could resupply with the rest of the Battalion. I knew my squad had hit its low. Everyone has lost their fight, they weren’t battle ready.” A big, easy smile splayed across your face. Price could feel the build up to the joke as he dug into his food. Him and the rest of the team remained quiet, waiting for what you would say next.

“Soap, what do you think Santa had in her magic rucksack?” You waggled your eyebrows. Their movement already earning a snort from Gaz. Price’s lips quirked up into a smirk.

“Uh… some extra MREs?” Soap was caught off guard by your question but you bounced right off, not drawing attention to his clumsy response.

“Close but no cigar. I’d packed my rucksack full of canned ravioli and porn mags. Nothing quite boosts morale like Chef Boyardee and a combat jack.” The corse words flew out of your mouth. It was evident that you’d served around men for a long time. The humor landing with the group of soldiers. Not only was your table laughing but those listening in around you as well. All except one man.

You had worked out years ago the quickest way to be welcomed by a group was to get them laughing. In school, in bootcamp, and with your newest team. Never making jokes about others or at their expense, that was your number one rule. Well number two rule. The number one rule was don’t eat yellow snow.

You easily joked about your own experiences or shortcomings. Joining the military meant you’d lived a lot of life. Life that was full of good and bad experiences. You made the best of them all and lived to make a joke out of it.

This was the first time in years, however, you’d met someone seemingly unaffected by your charm.

Ghost was stoic and cold. Eyes always watching you behind his balaclava, never showing the slightest hint of amusement. You worked overtime trying to get him to at least chuckle or to see his eyes to crinkle through the holes in his mask. Some sort of sign he at least smiled at your jokes. Any show of humor would do.

It was another meal in the mess hall when you tried again. Soap had mentioned some of the lieutenant’s deadpan and darker jokes. Maybe that was more Ghost’s sense of humor.

“So how are you still single? You’re a laugh a minute and you’re a good lookin lass?” Soap inquired, setting his tray down and taking the seat to your right. Ghost as across from you, shoveling food in where he had raised up his mask.

“Well I think it has to do with my line of work. You know how they say the surest way to a man’s heart is his stomach?” Soap noted the change in your posture. He’d picked up over the past few weeks how you sit up straighter if you were getting ready to go into another joke or funny story.

“Aye, I’ve heard that before.” He replied, a grin already forming on his face.

“Well I’ve found going through the ribcage is a lot faster.” You say pointed a finger gun at Ghost’s chest, as if to drive your point home. Soap sat for a beat before shaking his head.

“That was awful. LT, you been sharing your jokes with her?” He chuckled to himself, returning to the food on his tray.

Once again you stared Ghost down for the slightest tell. You searched his whole body for any sign of a laugh.

Disappointment grew in your gut as he finished his meal and left the table. You huffed, fork moving bits of food around your tray.

What if he just didn’t like you? That didn’t make sense though. Soap was a funny guy and Ghost got along with him just fine. Maybe it was more serious than that. Maybe he didn’t think you were needed on the team. They four of them had been working together for months before you entered the picture. Was it because you were a woman? You’d never had a negative interaction with him. He seemed immune to your banter.

“That face you’re makin’ is scary.” Soap nudged your side. A kind grin softening his features. You shook off your stress, shoving him back enough that his seat scooted.

“Sorry, that’s my default face while I’m waiting to receive more orders from the mothership. Mess hall interferes with the signal.” Humor was how you coped with everything. It’s how you deflected serious conversations. You knew you came off as simple minded and silly but you wouldn’t have risen this high in your career if that’s all there was.

It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal for you. One person not finding you funny shouldn’t eat at you the way Ghost’s reaction, or more so lack there of, did. You dwelled on it more than you were proud of. Some tender part in the deep recesses of your heart hurt to accept that he may simply not like you. That he only tolerated you professionally because his CO wanted you on the team.

As weeks went by the lieutenant’s response hadn’t changed. Any hope you had left that his reaction was just because you were new was dwindling fast. If only you would look for more than just amusement. You focused in on a sign of a singular emotion that you failed to notice all the others. But his team hadn’t missed it.

Captain Price was the first to notice the change in him. Ghost wasn’t one who usually socialized during meals, at least not on base. Since you joined, however, he’d taken more time eating. He joined in on conversations that weren’t just work related. Johnny noticed this and more, having more time to interact with Ghost than the captain.

Ghost’s eyes rarely leave you if you’re nearby. Upon approach he’ll act like he wasn’t watching you every move, usually picking up conversation with whoever he’s with or checking his watch. Soap had teased him for it on multiple occasions but Ghost always plays it off that he’s keeping an eye on how you’re adjusting.

No the team certainly hadn’t missed Simon’s big fat crush on their resident silly goose.

———

You sat on the couch of the AirBnB, watching Ghost talk on the phone with Captain Price. The two of you had been sent to observe a target who was fencing weapons for a terrorist organization. It had been a week and you had managed to find the opportunity to tap his phone calls and laptop. Besides that it was just a bunch of watching who comes and goes from his house across the street.

“Price is calling it. Nobody besides him has came or went from the house all week. We’ve planted our bugs so Lazwell can keep an eye on his digital footprint. There’s not much else for us to do here. We’ll leave at 0700 and no watch tonight.” Ghost announced, relaxing into the other end of the couch.

You nodded, turning your attention back to the TV. The only conversations you’d had the entire mission were work related. The voice of doubt in the back of your mind telling you that Ghost would only dislike you more if you tried the usual shenanigans without the buffer of the others around. The mission had kept you occupied but now that you had the night off that pit of anxiety deep in your gut came seeping back in.

You wanted to ease yourself by making a joke. You worked your bottom lip between your teeth. A normal person would make mundane conversation. Talk about the weather or ask if Ghost wanted to change the channel from the awful 90s sitcom. Anything to lift the awkward silence you felt.

Finally it came bursting out. You’d let your guard down just enough that the old habit slipped through.

“Hey Ghost, what’s red and bad for your teeth?”

You wanted to dig yourself into a hole. Of all the things to say, your brain spits out this joke. You expected silence or for him to tell you to knock it off.

His response was neither.

“I don’t know.” He gave you his full attention, looking up from his phone. Eyes already twinkling with amusement but you were too stressed to even notice. Suddenly the room was ten degrees warmer.

“A brick.” You waited for the silence. For an annoyed huff. You’d have to meet with Price and leave the team. Surely you’d never live this one down. Not when it was just you and Ghost alone.

A rich roar of laughter came from the other end of the couch. So much force behind it that your cushion shook. It didn’t last more than five seconds but you knew you’d remember that sound forever. Simon’s eyes creased so much from how big his grin was that they were almost closed.

You were in awe. You needed to hear it again.

“I thought you didn’t like my jokes.” You whispered, still in shock.

His eyebrows drew up in surprise. “You’re the funniest person I’ve met!”

You mouth open and shut not unlike a fish out of water. Confusion etched into every inch of your body.

“Then fucking laugh! Holy shit I thought you couldn’t stand me!” Relief washed over you like a warm shower after a long day.

Ghost laughed again, its warmth just as surprising this time as the last. You didn’t know when you got to your feet but now you were pacing. A barrage of emotions hit you all at once and you felt they might consume you if you sat still.

A large hand gripped your forearm, stopping you.

“When I’m on base, around those that aren’t my team, I keep up the image of ‘Ghost’. The mask, the stoicism, it’s all part of it.” He explained, turning you to face him.

A small, satisfactory smile crept onto your lips.

“So you’re telling me I just made ‘The Ghost’ laugh at a dumb joke I heard in elementary school?”

Ghost shook his head, hand releasing your wrist. His eyes were suddenly very gentle while he looked at you.

“No, you just made me laugh.” Hands pulled the balaclava over his head as he spoke. You froze, watching in awe. He ran his fingers through his sandy blond hair before looking up at you. “Without the mask I’m just Simon.”

Your mouth acted faster than your brain, per usual. There was no time to stop the words that flew out.

“It’s so not fair that you get to be mysterious AND hot.” You slapped your hands over your mouth.

Simon laughed again. This time his expression in full view for you to see. Your embarrassment lost as you drank in the sight of him. Brown eyes crinkled with amusement and his pink lips grinning easily.

“So you think I’m hot?”

“Shut up, I think I’m working through the stages of shock right now.” Your sarcasm and humor on full autopilot as your brain worked overtime to process all this new information. Another laugh blessed your ears.

“I know how you can shut me up.” Simon smirked, eyes full of mirth as he leaned back into the couch.

“I’m sorry, did you just flirt with me? Let a girl catch her fucking breath for…” You couldn’t finish your sentence. Simon had pulled you down and captured your mouth with his. Your lips moved in time, tongue slipping into his mouth once you’d both relaxed.

When you pulled apart the two of you spent the night talking. Having conversations about everything and anything. And you made him laugh so much his sides hurt. He didn’t mind. It felt good to relax this fully with someone. He loved the way you’d light up as he laughed, wanting to keep that expression on your face.

And he would, as often as he could, for the rest of your lives.

[czytling]

CM x DC day 2 @criminalmindsxdc

Meta!BAU Agent || FBI Fitness Test/Certification || Attending a Wayne Gala || "What kind of nickname is ...?"

Also Day 4 prompt Double Crossover

Criminal Minds x Batman x White Collar

------

Since apparently this whole week will be me changing the style to experimentail, this one is a cross between meta, 3-4 sentence fic, and pick your own adventure.

-----

All-division testing day

The all-division FBI testing day happens roughly every two years and involves all divisions being tested simultaneously and against each other, much different compared to more frequent in-division testing days, where it is one or two divisions at the same time. Now, normally, this would be the fun day everyone is waiting for, but for the two Bats undercover in their teams, it is nervewracking. Not only do they have to show appropriate skill level while hiding their true, much more advanced skills, but also they have to do it while another bat is watching - batspar in middle of FBI precint is unthinkable, and the odds are small enough that they won't have to fight one another, right? Right???

Choose your BAU undercover agent:

Tim Drake as Spencer Reid: go to options starting with A

Dick Grayson: options B

Damian Wayne: options C

Choose your White Collar agent, undercover as Neal Caffrey:

Dick Grayson: suboption 1

Jason Todd: 2

Tim Drake: 3

Damian Wayne: 4

----

Options A1, B2, B3, B4, and C1 are actually likely to maintain their covers successfully. Good job.

Option A1/B3:

Spar proceeds mostly normally. FBI are impressed by how decent their agents/CIs are. There is a bit of confusion due to following exchange afterwards: "Good job Baby bird!" "Thanks dick ... for brains!" What kind of nicknames are those?

Option B2:

Spar proceeds mostly normally, though there is some more viciousness than expected, maybe they had to deal with each other in the past as cop/criminal? Suddenly Spencer!Dick exclaims: "Careful there Little Wing!" and is met with uncharacteristically rude answer from Neal: "Fuck off, Dickhead!" What kind of nicknames are those even?

Option B4/C1:

Spar proceeds mostly normally, it is most like true spar instead of a fight. FBI are impressed by how good their agents/CIs are. There is a bit of confusion due to following exchange afterwards: "Nicely done Baby bat!" "Tt. You went easy on me, Ri... dick". Baby bat? Riddick? What kind of nicknames are those even?

-------

Now to more dramatic options:

Option A2:

Neal!Jason: Oh no.

Peter: It will be okay Neal.

Spencer!Tim, knowing that Jason can't fight at anywhere near his real level: at first opportunity when Jason is falling next to him due to very effective bodyslam followed by a series of 'accidentally' extremely brutal takedowns and broken nose, with extreme menance: "This is for the Titans Tower".

It is not "okay".

Option A4:

Neal!Damian: I will not be bested by this weakling!

Spencer!Tim, through his teeth: We need to maintain plausible deniability.

The only reason why the FBI doesn't look like a slaughterhouse after that fight is that weapons were not allowed. The covers are holding by a thread, Tim at least has some explanation in form of childhood bootcamp, but Damian the nonviolent conman is in deep trouble; as is Peter Burke, who somehow didn't notice for nearly two years that his CI is extremely violent when pushed.

Option C2:

Some LoA techniques are used. Everyone is fine, the spar went well, their bruises barely have any bruises and no bones are broken. What do you mean we need to answer a series of uncomfortable questions about our skillets, i didn't see anything violent at all?!

Option C3: basically option A4, except for excuses in aftermath.

Spencer!Damian has to explain a bit about his childhood in murder cult. BAU is a bit frustrated they hadn't connected the dots themselves, but are nice and understanding. Neal!Tim manages Peter Burke's questioning much better than Neal!Damian would and nearly manages to make everyone forget what they saw. Nearly.

[writingquestionsanswered]

"Probably one of my biggest writing-related takeaways of 2023 was the brain science behind being overwhelmed by writing. So often, we put so much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, and get so frustrated with ourselves when we fail, that we end up making writing time something that fills us with anxiety. So our brains perceive that activity as a threat, which makes us want to avoid it."

I'd love to learn more about this cause it's my biggest problem when it comes to writing. The avoidance of the task, but it also manifests also as feeling overwhelmed by writing a long story/novel.

Some Brain Science Behind Avoidance

I encountered this idea of fear-based avoidance in a few workshops and summits over the past year, but I have to give a shout out to author/coach Monica Hay whose "Overcome Writer's Resistance Bootcamp" explained it the best. I can't find my notes so I'm going from memory here, but the gist of it was that our brains are hard-wired to avoid things that make us feel fearful or uneasy. This is an evolutionary throwback to when those instinctual feelings helped us steer clear from danger. As I remember Monica putting it, "Don't go that way, there are cheetahs there that will eat us."

So... how does this apply to avoidance of writing?

When we heap unreasonable goals and deadlines on ourselves, and berate ourselves for falling short of them, we inadvertently turn writing into a stressful activity. So, when we sit down to write, our brain picks up on that stress and says, "Don't go that way, cheetahs will eat us," and your gut instinct tells you to avoid this stressful activity at all cost. And then it becomes kind of a vicious cycle because you feel even worse because you're avoiding writing, and that makes you feel more overwhelmed and makes writing more stressful, and well... you can see the problem.

The solution? De-stress the writing process for yourself as much as you can. Start by de-stressing yourself when you sit down to write... take a relaxing walk first, do some yoga or a meditation exercise, or try some grounding techniques. See if you can do some things to make your writing environment more relaxing and inviting. Put on some soft lighting and relaxing music, use your favorite method to lightly scent the air, grab your favorite drink and snack. Then, just try to move the needle forward in any way you can.

My suggestions: try editing a sentence. Maybe see if you can add a paragraph or two. Don't think about deadlines or word count or what others are doing. Just focus on adding something to the page, even if it's changing a word or adding a sentence. Don't push yourself. Congratulate yourself on whatever progress you made. Ultimately, if you do this every day, the stress should start to melt away and writing becomes an activity that your brain no longer tells you to avoid.

Another suggestion: try to avoid setting arbitrary deadlines, or if you have to set a deadline, take a look at your schedule/calendar and be really honest about how much time you actually have to write. Because so often what happens is we say, "I want to finish this 80k word draft in eight weeks..." but the reality is we're not going to write all 56 of those days. In fact, when we take an honest look...

-3 days per week for days with both class and work = 32 days -5 days for a cruise next month = 27 days -1 day for bestie's birthday celebration = 26 days -Sundays because that's hiking day = 18 days Suddenly, that eight weeks is actually only 18 days... and that's not even taking account things that come up unexpectedly. But, let's say you do get to write all 18 days, and let's say you know you can commit three hours a day to writing but you'll probably take two ten-minute brakes... so 48 hours worth of writing. But here's the problem: you know on a good hour, you're probably only going to write 1200 words. And guess what: 1200 words per hour over 48 hours is only 57,600 words... far short of your 80k goal... and that's assuming you get to write all 18 days and hit 1200 words every hour you write. In other words... you've set yourself an impossible deadline, and when you fall short of it without understanding why, you're going to be disappointed in yourself. And that's why it's so, so important to be honest about the time you have and how much you can reasonably accomplish within that time. Also: just don't be hard on yourself. It will never make you write faster, more, or better.

I hope you can use this to overcome your own resistance to writing! ♥

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[lostlibrariangirl]

Week 3 - 2025

I finish the Santander Cybersecurity bootcamp! I loved the Kali Linux labs, and learned a lot about cybersecurity tools I wanted to know more about.

There is just one last module of my MBA and the final project to finish, too, which will open more agendas for the CISCO Ethical Hacker course I started, the technical readings I must do, and learning Power BI, which I will need in my new role/job.

I am glad I could find time to go out with my husband, have fun, buy a few things we needed, and adjust some exciting plans.

Worked hard last week, as, due to internal changes in the company that is hiring me (the one I already work for, but through a third party), I will work with Cybersecurity more closely: performing the overview and data analysis of the vulnerabilities from a department inside the company. Isn't it crazy? It will be great for my career plans, as this will provide me Cybersecurity experience (FINALLY)... I am happy, anxious, nervous, grateful... so many mixed feelings.

Well, I will give my best, will keep studying, organizing my finances, and going for my dreams, as things are already happening in my life (´⊙ω⊙`)！ To wrap it up: the profiterole picture is a homage to Mashle! What a great anime!!! I was reading the manga, and loved it, but the anime is so funny, he is lovely, and his friends are amazing (laughed and cried watching it). Finished the first and second seasons, and I cannot wait for the third. Also loving Spy Family and My Happy Marriage ༼♥ل͜♥༽ Have a great week guys ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview with Wo What Wear (2024)

It feels like the tornado at the beginning of The Wizard of Oz, and if I've still got my ruby slippers on at the end, I'll be happy," Jonathan Bailey says, flashing that famous grin. The actor and current internet boyfriend is, of course, referencing the whirlwind that has been the Wicked press tour—a three-week-long global extravaganza where many (happy) tears were shed, memes were born, and the fashion, including a special pair of short shorts, had everyone talking. I'm catching Bailey on a Friday afternoon during a rare bit of downtime en route to JFK Airport. Destination: London for the film's final stop and premiere. For this Brit at this moment, there's no place like home.

He's exhausted—rightfully so—but still in great spirits, and I can happily say at the time of writing this article that all the promotional hustle and bustle from the cast has paid off dividends. Jon M. Chu's big-screen adaptation of the wildly popular 2003 stage musical is a certified hit with audiences, generating over $350 million globally and becoming one of the year's most successful debuts. The soundtrack is also smashing records.

Wicked is the finale to what has been a banner year for Bailey, which kicked off with an Emmy nomination for his spectacular performance in the historical miniseries Fellow Travelers. It also saw his return as Viscount Anthony Bridgerton in the continuous hit machine that is Bridgerton; the launch of his LGBTQ+ charity The Shameless Fund, which supports the community through global creative collaborations; and the filming of his next movie project, 2025's summer blockbuster Jurassic World Rebirth.

For the moment, Bailey is fully in what he tells me is his "Winkie era"—a nod to his Wicked character Prince Fiyero, who will leave you swooning with one bat of the eye or, at the very least, breaking out into song and dance. I can attest that the actor is every bit as charismatic and charming in real life as his on-screen counterpart, so it's easy to see why Bailey was a shoo-in for the film's lovable heartthrob.

Bailey's excitement for playing Fiyero was twofold. While the character is inherently lean on the page, there was a lot of complexity for Bailey to discover within the lyrics of his two musical numbers, "Dancing Through Life" and his duet with Elphaba later in part two. It was also an opportunity to come back to his earliest passions in life—singing and dancing—which he gave up on at a young age to pursue sports. Growing up, the actor was struck by iconic male dancing in film, naming Fred Astaire, John Travolta, and Patrick Swayze as big inspirations. There's no denying Bailey's talent as he performs "Dancing Through Life," a remarkable sequence of vocals and acrobatics that required bootcamp-level training from the actor. That, combined with the more emotional moments with Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba, leaves you wanting more. His performance even earned a special stamp of approval. "Norbert Leo Butz, a hero of mine, sent me a text saying that I'm very much welcomed into the brotherhood of Fiyero, which I'm very, very proud of," Bailey shares.

Reflecting on the entire experience, Bailey is feeling eternally grateful and lucky for the opportunity to be a part of such a big cultural moment. "I probably wouldn't have been able to do it 10 years before, and obviously because of Bridgerton, I think it was the perfect time for me to be the right person for the job," he says.

Now, what's next?

I ask if he has a strong desire to run in the opposite direction after doing a big-budget movie like Wicked. Bailey's answer? "Yeah, definitely!"

Looking ahead to February, Bailey is set to play the titular character in Nicholas Hytner's stage production of Richard II. "I thought maybe Richard II onstage felt as far removed as you could go," he laughs. Theater is where the actor got his start, and it continues to be a grounding place for him. "Going back to the stage always feels, to me, like a creative reset because you are going back to the craft, and it's a very honed and creative adventure where you have to guide your body through it, and it's academic," he says. Bailey is the consummate student, always learning, nipping, and tucking his craft.

Richard II not only marks Bailey's highest-profile Shakespeare role to date but also reunites the star with Hytner, whose 2013 production of Othello at the National Theatre featured the actor as Cassio. "Him offering me the part of Cassio in Othello in the room was, for me, my big break," Bailey says of the theater director. "At that point in my life, I definitely thought I was more of a Roderigo, so to be offered Cassio was an example of [how] you have to learn what other people see in you."

Following Richard II, Bailey will return to the big screen with Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali in Jurassic World Rebirth, playing paleontologist Dr. Henry Loomis. A passing of the torch from Wicked co-star Jeff Goldblum, perhaps? We'll have to wait and see, but Bailey does call Goldblum's Jurassic Park character Dr. Malcolm the "rizz king" and credits the actor's performances for keeping him "enthralled and titillated." "If I can achieve half of what he did in the original Jurassic, I'll be very happy," he adds.

What Bailey can say about his own experience at this time is how excited he is to be joining the major franchise given how deeply nostalgic it is for him. Jurassic Park was the first film Bailey saw in the cinema with his family. He gets goosebumps thinking back on that time. "I just remember feeling so alive," he says. "It's a bit like Wicked [and] going back to singing and dancing. [I'm] now going back to one of these iconic experiences that I found so inspiring then, to be able to infiltrate that world." To say Bailey is excited about this movie would be an understatement. "The idea of the John Williams theme playing under trotting through some grass fields chasing a dinosaur, you can't get more mind-blowing and eye-popping than that," he says.

It suddenly dawns on Bailey that he's in his 30th year of acting. The 36-year-old has been performing for the majority of his life, and considering all that he's done in his career thus far, it feels like the world is his oyster in terms of what he can do next. So what strikes his fancy these days? "Honestly, it feels like romance. You get butterflies or something happens, a little twinge. I just can't put my finger on it," he says. Swoon.

Bailey circles back to an earlier comment about Hytner seeing something in him that he didn't see himself. That's what he's constantly chasing. "To be scooped up by someone who can see a performance in you that you're not really aware of and to be guided by them in their own world and in their own vision excites me," Bailey says.

Reading a part he hasn't seen before or seen an actor like himself play before, filling those spaces, and finding those cubby holes—that is the genius of Jonathan Bailey. With each new project, he continues to surprise and delight.

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