#I have been mad busy this week
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Poptart to Poptart to Poptart to Poptart communication.
#nonsense#2 arms left#shakea poptart*#why are you so marketable#anyways haha uh#I have been mad busy this week#I am finally no longer unemployed!#yay job now!#but oops less free time!#so sorry about the no art the past week aha#adjusting#also the keychains took so long to package lmaooo-#im so excited for peeps to finally get the keychain though omg!
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happy halloween! 🎃🐈⬛👻🐇
#i just wanted to draw emu as a jiangshi .#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#polysho#enjoy halloween everynyan unfortunately i have to go work a shift. i thought abt dressing up for fun when i get back#but 1 im lazy 2 i dont live alone and its my luck that somebody ends up knocking when im in the middle of being dressed like a clown#so i would rather not risk it. idk how people get into cosplay just for photoshoots/videos i dont have that conviction .#but halloween con was lots of fun and i got to see friends and trade candy so i enjoyed my celebration already. ^_^#also STOP BEATING THE SHITNOUT OF ME IDEK IF I CAN BOOO BACK FROM A SIDE BLOG. YOURE KILLUNG ME#once again some random guy will be hittimg you back. boo#to end my tags i am going to be pissed off because i cannot draw well rn and its KILLING MEEEEEE#im art blocked as hell and mad about it. my zines....#its so annoying like with my personal art its whatever but people spend Money on zines i need to get good.#its been like over a week so i thought inwould be free. sigh#i often draw emu fiending off of tsukasa. the way things should be. amen#also inthink rui would love to go all out for costumes but he got busy modding a tshirt launcher to shoot candy and forgot abt his costume#so hes a tuxedo cat. he thinks hes so funny
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Responding to your response to my anon. I'm sorry for assuming. I just know I've sent confessions here a few times complaining about the ableism in this community. I'm a schizospec P-DID system & auDHD + cluster-b. I've been at the end of a lot of ableist abuse from other "proshippers," or I've been hurt by vague ableist statements made by other proshippers.
I can't recall if the few vents I made about ableism and abuse in the community were ever posted, and I took a hiatus from Tumblr and social media altogether. I figured I was one of those people who you refused to post/wanted to delete the confessions of.
That example that you replied with very much reads like an anti trying to troll. If these are the "confessions" you're getting, then you 100% reserve the right to delete those, and like I said, I think it should be case by case then. Bad faith anons get deleted. Actual concerns get posted.
I was referring to your comment/reply to someone else where you said these people should go to antiship blogs, which was why I got upset. And yes, I've seen a lot of similar shitty sentiments that I thought you were saying initially. I've had other proshippers tell me I'm not a proshipper then or that I should be anti-aligned if I really have so many issues with how some of the proship community behaves. I've been kind of on the fence on whether or not I want to consider myself a proshipper, neutral shipper, or just give myself an anti-ableism profiction microlabel. I'm definitely an anti-anti, but I've felt out of place in proship spaces. It's exhausting, and I'm sorry for thinking that you were doing the same thing.
It’s okay. I can kinda understand where you’re coming from and why that kinda thing could’ve stressed you out, especially if you took a hiatus and didn’t see any posts on my blog of people’s complaints about similar situations.
Especially considering I’ve gotten asks (that got anons blocked) about how “delusional” antis are and even one from someone about their theory that antis are having mass religious psychosis??? Which doesn’t even make sense. I also saw (luckily they didn’t have the audacity to send this to me. It was in its own post) someone say that antis have fetal alcohol syndrome as an insult. (Like omfg. Do people w/ FASDs not deal with fucking enough?)
Sorry for the misunderstanding and any hostility in my last answer. Have a great day.
#also confession from me about something I talked about in an old post:#my inbox is so full that scrolling down too far crashes it???#so if I queued a few posts before hopping off for a busy week#and I got a shit ton of confessions in that week…#I might not have been able to access your asks at all#I also last time said in my tags that I might take a hiatus but also there’s a high chance I’d wake up in the morning and call my past self#dramatic and it’s like I have a gift… how did I know that my tired self is a quitter?#I feel like a guilt tripping asshole omfg but that wasn’t my intent#it’s just that when I’m tired I assume that I’ll be that tired forever so I wanna quit everything bc surely rested me will also be too tired#for this 😭😭😭#mad embarrassing
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this week is making me wish I could spontaneously human combust with no lasting consequences
#I have been spending every waking non-working hour working at church#getting almost nothing done because everything I do is dependent on electricians and construction guys#and I've only washed my hair 3 times since getting it dyed and already having to wash it in cold water is making me want to die#I'm sorry ik we aren't supposed to talk in suicidal hyperbole I do not actually want to die#but all of this is enough that I don't know how else to describe how frustrated I am#I just don't want to be here. I want to be freaking DONE just let me have a freaking moment's peace#and a customer today kept coming back in accusing my coworkers of fraud and theft (all of it was on camera and none of what he was#accusing all of them of was even plausible but ''my package tracking isn't working so you must have stolen the package''#reader. he had the wrong fucking tracking number#he was AT THE POLICE STATION to file a report against us when my boss finally got ahold of him to tell him he had the wrong tracking info#and it was mad busy at work#my dad has told me I'll probably have to stay at church until like 2 or 3am tomorrow to get everything set up#and then I need to be there by like 6am to set up on Sunday morning#at this point I don't think I'm going to make it out alive. how do you survive on that little sleep and NO alone time whatsoever?#the fact that I don't get any alone time is what's truly killing me like. even my MOM who likes to be busy all the time#gets to have alone time. but not me. not this week#and my hair is just the last straw. I HATE having to kneel over the tub to wash it in the faucet with cold water#it's such a fucking hassle#weeks that make me certain I can't ever get my hair dyed again
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. they’re bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didn’t draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didn’t finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up what’s a healthy relationship with art?#like when you’re a kid you have time and when you’re inexperienced and don’t know you’re more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i can’t take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I don’t play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and I’ve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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omg i'd missed the erik power sheet when you first posted it!! ty anon for bringing it up and prompting charles's one as well and obviously ty snap <3 i just love when their powers are visibly portrayed like in tas and also there's just something about design sheets/processes that are so satisfying to see
i posted that erik sheet a LOOONGGG while ago and with how many posts i make regularly i do not blame you for missin it 😩
but of course thank you so much for enjoyin my work !!!! i LOVE concept sheets so much and i absolutely love being able to draw their powers in use when i can, so dedicatin whole sheets to doin Both is real fun :] !!!!
#snap chats#i wanna do another erik sheet just to update the old one but . .. i dont have anything new to add to how i do his powers jvLEKVj#their powers are so fun to draw ... i should do it more ...ve erverjELRKJLERKAJ#NO IM MAD CAUSE IVE BEEN SITTING ON A COMIC FOR WEEKS#I MADE THAT ERIK SHEET SPECIFICALLY CAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE THAT COMIC AND I HAVENT YET JVLEKVJKAEL#one day. god willing. maybe next weekend....#i have a lot of ideas tht involve their powrs i just keep. getting busy. //screams//#EITHER WAY thank you my friend i love design sheets and i love drawing and thinking about their powers so so much#thank you all for encouraging my silliness and for bein interested in my ramblins and ideas :]]]
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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wip. every time i hide the hair layer i forget i thot it would be funny to draw him bald underneath. he's like gollum 2 me like this.
#hi sorry have been very busy i moved out my uni accomm and also now im going away 4 a week so i will be. afk. sozzles <3#also im so sorry ur only getting wips of this piece lately i have been flitting thru wips like mad and this is the only hazbin hotel one lo#prommy i'll try and do some sketches in me book whislt away#angel dust#canNOT decide if i want mascara tears or blood
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i can not even begin to explain how stressful the last two days have been at work
#yapping#my job is super chill 90% of the time... like i literally get paid to do nothing often#unironically most of my drawings are started and completed during my work hours thats how non busy it is#but these last few days have been insane.. i need all our clients to drop dead this second for the sake of the entire teams sanity#i almost cried from stress yesterday at one point#i need my companys CEO to stop liking me and having faith in me ngl#IT DOESNT PAY OFF TO BE LIKED BY YOUR BOSS#cause it just means hell give u more responsibilities that he doesnt trust other people with :'^)#ppl were genuinely thinking of quitting this week 😭😭😭😭#i have faith itll get back to normal soon though#today is already chill compared to the previous days#yesterday i was on three phonecalls at the same time all while texting with the CEO nonstop for hours#and all of that while actually doing whats my literal job in the background#i stayed an hour longer to finish the report i make at the end of my shifts#my dad got mad at me for staying longer (he was at ny apartment at the time)#but man what else can i do its so insane#also i did not report my overtime to anyone cause i wanted to do my report in peace without having to multitask 10 things as well#the money for that one hour isnt worth the stress xjdjdnhdhdhdj#im yapping now but GOD its been so bad#at least we all got $100 bonuses SIGH#ive already spent that money in my mind ngl#lowkey spent it irl as well not just in my mind
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Maaaaaaaaaaaan, come on.
(the post has ended up in the tags btw. I am not changing this and I need you to understand that it is just me talking to myself semi-publicly)
#Nevi Writes#things said by a guy writing a thing he doesn't even intend to be writing and it's like 10k of words now. >:[#while that's true I do want to emphasize that nobody should get excited about it right now tho okay#because like it's just. idk. I feel very much like it could end up not worth pursuing anyway. it's just a little baby wip.#(when the fuck did my little baby wips get to be 1/4-1/2 the length of my previous 'finished' stories!! what the hell)#it just feels nice to make words tho. and it does have that kind of 'ah good to catch up with these guys again' vibe which is nice.#even if the break has once again been like. on the order of days to a week maybe. I'm so bad at this taking a break business suddenly. lel.#but I don't have anything much to say about it at this point#other than I'm debating inventing a reason that presidential elections would have been moved by a couple of years between now and 2212#what is it with me and having to be so damn precise with dates in this whole narrative. am I just mad that Capcom never tries?#(yes) (so mad)#(and 2212 would actually be an election year is the problem. I want time to have passed but I also want there to be a pres. election.)#(it's fine don't worry about it)#(this is how I decided that Blucifer got bload up and then replaced also. weird reliance on mashing up IRL things and fictional explosions)#(but it's fun isn't it? got that veneer of verisimilitude. I'm good at long words)#idk this is inevitable isn't it. but I'm going to keep playing like it's not. I think I need a little more space for this one mentally.#the first one just sort of fell out of my head fully assembled and the second one did that also but with different vibes#though it did actually take some cutting things and adjusting things to make it work which Failure to Compile did not#Failure to Compile was bizarrely effortless until the mad editing dash. Outcome Unpredictable was WORK#fun work at least! but in hindsight it was definitely more work to make it flow properly.#the real job for the 3th if it happens is gonna be wrapping up threads without dropping new ones in bc that's such a habit of mine now
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if an artist says their turnaround time is usually a week and that they should be done with your specific commission by the end of the week, then goes nearly three weeks without saying something, is it OK to ask them for an update on your commission? I'm a bit torn on whether I should wait a whole month
#as someone who takes comms myself if i were me i would have sent an update after being unable to finish it within my turnaround time#just to be like hey heres what ive got so far sorry that this isnt the turnaround time i said it would be in my comms listing#but also im NOT them so 🤷 idk. literally anything could have happened and maybe they cant even use their phone right now#i dont wanna send them an email (even the very politely worded one ive been drafting) bc i dont want to be rude like at all#but also this person didnt get back to me for over a month when i first reached out to commission them so#im starting to see that for the red flag it was#and not like. a sign that they just have so many commissions to do. because it doesnt take long to send an email that says#'sorry im a bit too busy with other comms right now to take yours/work on yours'#i wouldnt have been mad. i would have either waited to comm them or taken my business elsewhere#i also wanna be clear i dont mind long turnarund times ive waited literal months for a comm with no complaints#its just the fact that they promised to finished it (completely unprompted) and then havent... said ANYTHING for WEEKS that seems sus to me#its crossed my mind i may have been scammed since they havent shown me anything more than a sketch#edit: part of the im really regretting comming them is because ive already waited a month to even like finish the TAKING my comm process#since they randomly didnt email me back for weeks right as we were finalizing the details#like i waited a LONG time to even be like 'are you still taking my comm?' bc in my head i was like#'they must have other comms that they havent mentioned (totally valid btw) if i wait the queue will be clear'#and then... yea idk i just dont think that was the case if their turnaround time is actually a week#which is a really short turnaround time anyway imo theyre making it too hard on themself#(funnily enough i have the same turnaround time which is why i know it can be challenging to do it in a week but its also completely doable)#anyway back to the fact i probably got scammed. their 'sketch' though i didnt wamna say it looked VERY much like#they just traced my concept sketch#which 😰
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Shoutout lesbians! My hands are tired so no colours this time sorry :/
#lesbian visibility week#it's lesbian time!#wlw#sapphic#art#I've been busy with real life stuff#gone for months? me? lol no#I'm mad late but wanted to whip up something to celebrate#if you have a drawing request lmk. I draw free of charge
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My mom: *telling me how she's only done what's best for her kids*
Me: *reminds her of a time when she absolutely did the worst for us because it benefitted her more than not doing it would have*
My mom: You have such a creative memory! Wow! You're gaslighting me! This is abuse!
#parental abuse#abuse#bad parenting#bad parent#trauma#childhood trauma#literally this started because she refuses to remember that she sold my water bed for crack money#like. that was the only bed I've ever had that didn't make my back hurt while i slept.#and she sold it. for crack.#and she's all bullshit that never happened!#and so i ask her about like two other shitty things she did and never apologized for#and she pulls out her new favorite word - gaslighting - which she learned from some dumbfuck tv show she's been watching#but when i ask her if she even knows what that means she goes see that's gaslighting!#like. no. gaslighting is telling me things i (and my siblings!!) have a vivid memory of never happened.#trying to act like i have no business being mad at her is#acting as if I'm being dramatic. that my childhood was normal. that not having food or power and living in a crack hoise is average.#i cannot wait to get out of here in december. only 18 long weeks to go!#if i ever have to live with her again I'll kill myself. these two years have been worse for my mental health than anything ever.#I'm a whole ass adult yet I'm not allowed to so much as leave the house without her demanding to know where I'm going.#i have to lie to her if I'm going to see my bald dude (rare. but if it happens) or else she gets pissed at me for seeing people???#but if i say I'm visiting friends (not entirely a lie) she'll accuse me of going and doing gay shit?#because apparently being queer is the worst thing your kid can be in her mind#that i haven't kicked the shit out of her has to be some sort of testament to my patience as a person right?
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i can't believe red rocks is over. what am i supposed to do w myself now
#been looking forward to this show for SO LONG and for it to go by so quickly and now be done. IT'S DEVASTATING :(#i know i still have the sf show and a whole LA trip + show w lauren next week but. i'm fucking sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#these shows have been what's kept me going for so long and it's so fun they're finally happening but so bittersweet#cos soon they will be over 😭 ugh#i do not have a concert notes run down for red rocks cos i was too busy shouting along to every song and being in the moment w everyone#but i wish i had jotted down more of the things alex said. there was so much i'm not exaggerating. our little man was feeling talkative !!!#i'm still mad we didn't get hello you. but it's probably for the best bc i never would've shut the fuck up abt it and you all would hate me
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sorry to keep posting about my job but [farnsworth voice] great news everyone! im working significantly less hours next week (or according to the schedule i looked at five seconds ago its not up in the app yet) so ill be back on the writing grindset. my preferred grindset.
#love the paycheck i get but i wanna write not be sludge when i get home#if i could make writing x reader fanfic a full time job i would#maybe one day i’ll actually write a book but fanfic is infinitely more fun#if my schedule turns out to be busy next week you WILL be hearing from me#i keep putting off writing the hiwthi chapter because its one of those ones that i have absolutely no ideas just a concept for it#and its the chapter RIGHT before the horror bros are introduced and im like man i just wanna intro the horror bros NOW#but i must remain steadfast to my papyrus and sans skateboarding chapter#the slice of life is slice of lifing#i have SO much planned for the beach episode#its like a sitcom#stuff happens. blue gets jealous. stretch is awkward. lord is neurotic. and red is mad again#and scooters just like. damn one bruh after the other#theyre surrounded by fools which is funny because they jingle just as much#nemesis & nike is trucking im excited for what ive affectionately dubbed the Eye Moment#and so my garden grows WILL get an update i am just flying by the seat of my pants on that one#there is absolutely zero planning just vibes and i need to change that#and the first chapter of weapons wrapped in lamb skin has been rewritten#ive just been debating on deleting the og or not#because i know its kind of a shit move to delete fics but i dont wwnna orphan it and also i HAAAAAATE it#idk if anyone actually reads this nonsense lmk#anyway byyyyyyeeee rambling again
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good fucking god i hatd being immigrant student
#every single problem is fucking magnified ever#with how much i wang to get that american degree every roadblock means my usual anger levels are like doubled#damn thing hasnt even started yet and im already so fucking Mad#so sorry to friends i havent replied to i have been so busy wanting to fucking explode these past few weeks
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