#I have aphantasia so I can't visualize things in my head lol

[kazamajun]

this isn't all of the panels, nor the footage that will be in the final thing, more just part of a proof-of-concept mock up while I sort out composition

[damnation-if]

I just want to say, as a certified monster fucker, I'm already in love with your story hahaaa <3 I'm glad we're getting more adult stories and the themes in this one are so intriguing, can't wait for the rest ! Alsooo, I really liked the way you describe things? I do not know how to explain it haha but I could easily visualize what was happening and the general atmosphere you're going for and I thought that was neat :^)

thank you so much for your kind words!! i truly appreciate them and i'm so glad the descriptions were to your liking! i have at least some level of aphantasia, so i'm always worried that i'm not describing things enough haha... glad that doesn't seem to be the case!

i was actually talking to my friends just yesterday about how there's relatively few Creacher-y ROs around... so for whatever reason, i guess because it's on my mind, i thought i'd take a bit of time/space here to mention all of the Monsterfucker Approved (TM) ROs that i could come up with, in case anyone else might be interested. this list isn't meant to be exhaustive (in case i miss anyone) as sadly i am yet to become all-seeing and all-knowing 😔

Creacher (Alien)

Rhaxa and Imxa from Project Hadea by my beloved @nyehilismwriting. spikey, scaley, bitey, etc. 👌i also love and appreciate the attention to detail put into worldbuilding for the different ways their species communicates and thinks and so on, showing the culture gaps between them and humans. quality buggies!

Creacher (Eldritch)

Roach from The Passenger... the mc is also an eldritch creacher in this one, which may add or subtract to the enjoyment for various different people lol

Sysba from Attollo; i also think this game in general is pretty monster friendly, with a bunch of monstrous side characters and so forth. the cool kind of neo-gothic vibes give it a feeling a bit akin to a cyberpunk Penny Dreadful... it's about as Monsterfucker as cyberpunk gets i think!

Beacon from Stygian: The Abyssal Lighthouse by my good friend @salty-stories. this one is probably the most Lovecraftian of the eldritch creachers i think, heavy Call of Cthulhu vibes. it's still in progress but i'm personally willing to wait haha

Creacher (Parahuman)

Lorelei and The Other from The Golden Harp; pirates and sirens and mermaids, oh my!

Danny and Isla from When It Hungers by the wonderful @roast-ifs ... the game is still on hiatus but it still lives rent-free in my head always... the monster mcs are So *chef's kiss*

Oisein from The Nameless; due to the sheevra mc there's a Lot of really cool exploration of the boundaries of humanity and stuff like that... we love a "nonhumans shouldn't be able to feel/do this" story... we love it a Normal amount for sure.

Creacher (Indefinable)

Trace from Greenwarden by @fiddles-ifs; an iconique creacher... the game itself also has excellent kind of Appalachian gothic/supernatural vibes and a dark undercurrent of Lurking Monster Foreboding.

Games with Applicably Creacher-esque Vibes

Virtue's End by my beloved friend dani... the ROs might be human, but the mc most certainly is not<3 dark fantasy and sumptuous Monster vibes, what more can you ask?

anything by the extremely talented @thirtybythirty (links to their games in their pinned post). everything they write has a compelling undercurrent of... eldritch existentialism. perhaps the creacher is in fact the Narrative... or maybe the humans were the creachers all along...

the fabulous OFNA: Birds of a Feather - it has the perfect combination of things Not Quite Human and Not Quite Right to create a rich and ominous atmosphere, well-worth playing even though everyone is Technically human lmfao

anyway sorry for rambling on and i'm sure there's a bunch i have missed but. i do feel like it's worth giving praise where it's due for games and writers that we appreciate! thank you again for your kind message (and for giving me a chance to talk about this a bit lol)

[ellalalala]

👄 , 🚿, 🦗,🐸, 😁,🎵

Hello hellooo

👄 Your OTP are having their first kiss. What song do you imagine is playing?

Already answered this one, but if I had to choose just one more song for a pairing I like...

Как тебя покорить by Peremotka. The translation is, quite literally, "How to conquer you". It doesn't really fit a first kiss but I'm so fond of it so I really don't care 😭

There's a part in the song where the singer repeats, over and over, "I wake up and yet again, I breathe you, I live you" (literally). In Russian, it sounds as if the narrator is entirely consumed by his object of affection; that sort of thing really gets me lmao

🚿 Where do your best ideas seem to strike?

In the shower, in bed at night, in the kitchen while I'm eating - inspiration usually comes to me when I'm doing literally anything other than writing 😭

🦗 Do you write in sequence or jump around?

Sequence. I physically can't do it any other way because it stresses me out.

🐸 If you incorporated your OTP into a Disney movie plot, which would it be?

If the OTP is Sigma x Nikolai (bsd), then Tangled. It's my favorite Disney movie and it fits these two well. I'm not sure whether you've ever watched the anime/read the manga, but Sigma has this... Childlike ignorance towards many things in the world due to reasons that are very spoilery, so the role of Rapunzel would be perfect for him. Additionally, the long, choppy hair, his personality... God, maybe I should write this someday 😭

😁 What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

Everything's great! I'm not really picky. I get really excited when my girlfriend reads my fics and comments on every little thing she likes. Her opinion matters a lot to me so her interest in my writing really motivates me to keep at it.

Tumblr asks are fun! I like interacting with my mutuals ☺️

Fic comments excite me a lot. It can be something as small as "I love this" and I'll be smiling to myself and sighing happily lol

🎵 Do you make playlists for your fics?

Yes! Creating playlists helps me set the tone for a story, come up with different scenarios, stay inspired, etc etc. I have to listen to music while I write because I literally can't visualize a scene in my head otherwise. That, combined with my aphantasia... It's rough up there 😭

fanfic writer ask game

[nicromancytarot]

Reading the awakenings/fs post was fascinating! Mainly cause it always interests me how readers can see/hear/hallucinate anything + being able to make out facial features/moodboards/have vivid dreams

I have aphantasia (inability to visualize) and SDAM (lack of episodic memories). Perpetually, I'm always in the present, *always*. I guess it has served me well in some regards, like if someone hurt me, they get kicked out of my system and memory with minimal impact on myself negatively. I cannot remember why I cried for 6 months straight about Mr. ?, nor the feeling, nor my anger, nor the specific events - just I know I dislike him (factually), have a vague recollection of why, and my need to avoid him

My friends are at the age of situationships. Unfortunately I can't join the party cause I would literally forget the person if they tried to do on agains off agains lmao

When I do readings for myself. Only words pop in my head - and if I ask for my fs - a ghosting of feeling around my body. Other than that, readings are difficult to do 😔 sadge (just expends a shi ton of energy)

For spiritual encounters - funnily enough, the only time I've heard a voice in my head + my life was once I was fighting for dear life on the toliet at 3AM. A whisper of my name and then a sense of a very disgruntled "really? You're going to die to diarrhea?"

TMI; but continue writing gurl, would love to read more about your journey and your reading methodologies 👀

Honestly my abilities always confuse me, when it comes to visualising I’ve found that I do much better when I have my eyes open. I like to imagine scenarios before I sleep lmao, and have been doing so for many years and I remember constantly having to remind myself to close my eyes half way through because I wouldn’t even realise that I opened them, but it definitely helps to visualise.

For readings I feel like I’m being given information through my head lol, it’s kinda like someone is actively just shoving stuff in there and I’m like “oh yeah, that makes sense” all while I didn’t know of that idea or answer before.

I struggle with the hearing and seeing stuff when it comes to physicals. I don’t hear some other voice telling me an answer, it’s more like my internal narrator without any effort from me. As for seeing, the best way I can describe that is with paranormal experiences.

I was working on my spiritual abilities at the beginning of last year and I watched a bunch of Sam and Colby ghost hunting videos, there was one where I just kept staring at a chair behind them and in my minds eye I could see a man in a dark suit sat staring back at me, and he then proceeded to cross his legs, but I couldn’t see it physically. I thought nothing of it and moved on, the guide showed the boys a picture of the owner of the place when he was alive and I was like “nope, that’s not him”, but then they showed a picture someone caught of his ghost and I freaked since it was literally the exact same. They then went back into the room with the guide and a machine which detects energy fields and makes out stick men to show you on the screen, the guide told them to point it at the chair that I was fixated on, and funnily enough their was a stick man that showed. So that’s the best way to describe my abilities with visualisation and mediumship (I don’t class myself a medium)

Definitely work on your ability to hear or feel things, when you do readings you should focus on what you feel emotionally rather than what you can’t see, perhaps that will help.

LMAO WHAT??? Your higher self was fr making fun of you there.

I do have a post about my method in which I do readings, you can find on my masterlist under the about me section!

[darlingpoppet]

As a writer, how detailed do you imagine scenes in your work? There is that aphantasia test, and for example I can imagine things at 1-2, I see things as a movie, which can be a gift and a curse for an artist. But I met many people who write/draw but just can't imagine anything, and it's really interesting to read how do they manage to write/draw something from imagination

So - how detailed is your imagination??

Hi! <3

I’m an extremely visual-thinking person, I relate very much to that meme that’s all like “the amv inside my head will be LEGENDARY!” when you hear a cool new song, lol. That said, the images in my head do tend to have a bit of a faded & foggy quality, like a realistic image painted with watercolors, perhaps. So I’d say I’m probably a 2, or somewhere between 2 & 3 on the chart? My mental images have color and are vivid, just not perfect clarity, perhaps.

This definitely helps me with writing, at least… a lot of times when I get stuck because I’m not sure yet “what happens next”, I’ll close my eyes and let the scene play out in my head, perhaps “rewinding the tape” and playing out the scenario a few different ways. I often do this before a nap or bedtime so I fall asleep to lucid dreams about the characters, also perhaps stringing together words and sentences in my head (which means I sometimes have to wake up and write them down before I forget)! So, usually by the next day I have a good idea of what direction I’m headed in. I also do this sort of thing while I’m taking walks or on the train or basically whenever I have an opportunity to “zone out”… and as a result I’ve often been told I’m a bit creepy because I always completely check out when I’m daydreaming (this is even before I got back into writing haha I’ve always been a big daydreamer since I was a kid uwu) Also when I read stories too, I visualize in my head pretty vividly what’s going on, the characters’ actions as well as the entire environment (like room interiors, floor plans etc) appears with it and everything, it’s interesting!

Anyway this was so interesting to think about, thanks so much for asking!

[spandexual]

ngl I wish more people knew about aphantasia bc it does kind of frequently ruin my life lol like it's a severe disability that just seems to get passed over as a funny "hehe which aple u see!" engagement-bait post every few months on social media.

ppl are always like oh but tumblr user spandexual you're so creative and descriptive though and it's like yeah well I have to be. I don't know what you fucking look like if you're not in front of me. I have to mentally store your features as a little mathematical list and put it away in my little mental filing cabinet. I can't pick up new skills if they're just shown to me because I have no visual recall, I need to physically do it enough times that I can do it physically blind. I can't "just picture" a concept you're telling me so you huff and puff and have to draw it out on actual paper and call me stupid for not getting it from just your stupid little visual descriptions. Meditation is completely pointless outside of simple breathing exercises. Telling me to imagine a fucking beach?????? The beach at the sea??????? I can't entertain myself with daydreams and scenarios in my head I thought those were fucking hollywood storytelling devices I didn't know normal people could just watch fucking youtube in their minds. I can't do so much fucking shit everyone thinks of as "a normal thing every human can do regardless of physical ability" and not to be a fucking emo teen from 2005 on the dash but you don't understand how much it fucking hurts. to think that if I lose my ability to see what I create I'll be left with fucking nothing in my head but black.

at least I'll never have to worry about a character "not looking like I imagined they would in the book". never understood people bitching about that until I found out about aphantasia

[edenatday]

So as someone who wants to start with art but also likely has aphantasia do you have any tips for how I could go about drawing something I can't get a reference for?

For example: I wanna draw one of my characters but I cannot for the life of me get anything visual about them onto the screen so I have no reference to go off of, and with no reference I cannot figure out how it properly looks. Might you have any solution for this or atleast know of anywhere I could go to find some?

Oh gosh I appreciate the ask! I wish I had some expert advice but I’ve literally only just figured out I have aphantasia about two days ago lol! So this is poured out of my brain from being an artist for 30 years and my own common sense - you can decide whether it can be trusted haha and sorry it’s not a quick fix either.

The approach that comes to mind is to start building a library of your own so you can start self referencing. But that means initially letting go of that specific idea you have that you can’t find a reference for.

My suggestions are…

Find any pose with a similar body build to your character and use them to sketch your oc so you can practice drawing them in different ways. Then find poses you like regardless of the shape and try “mapping” your oc to that pose. (Such as picking a slim figure and using it as a frame to draw your muscly oc) you’ll be able to fit your oc to any reference, so it’s less vital to find such a specific reference. Don’t be too attached to the concept you’re after you have so you can explore. Looking for one specific reference can be a block, and also not much fun.

In terms of other references to enhance a character, I’d probably start a Pinterest board with outfits and accessories and do lots of little quick studies of them to slowly add more complexity & details. I’ve definitely made the mistake of trying to do all the things all at once and over complicating a lot without doing this kind of work! Start simple and build. I think this is key. Think of it like a puzzle, we have to build all the pieces individually outside our brain bc we can’t put it together on the inside. And like in a game we don’t get all the best weapons and armour at the start, you can upgrade over time.

Having to externalise the visual building blocks others are able to do in their heads, means we have our work cut out for us. But I think there are ways to make it fun and interesting. If they’re a knight, what do they look like commuting to work on a bus reading the newspaper? If they’re a old granny, what do they look like performing the high jump? This will give you an exciting visual library all of your own, you can then start to reference your own work!

Aim to have a toolbox of poses, activities, outfits, scenes etc. Those can be Frankenstein-ed with new external references to develop your work. So it becomes less vital to find that one reference, and more about learning how to build the blocks of your oc through exploration and familiarity.

I haven’t got around to it yet, but I’ve got a list of aphansasia artists to study. Glen Keane is the illustrator for The Little Mermaid. If he can create such an iconic character, so can we! I want to learn from his other aphantasia artists, so I suggest doing the same.

Most of my art is drawn from life or I make my own references specifically to paint from photos, I do a lot of portraits for example. So for me it explains why I’ve longed to do character design or fan art and just been so pants at it and it felt so hard I got 0 reward and gave up. I always return to realism, it doesn’t rely on my inability to internally visualise. Now I know about aphansasia, I can change my approach entirely maybe I’ll attempt some fan art again :)

I’m literally pulling this out of my head off the cuff. So I’d love to know if any other aphansasia artists have similar or better methods they can add to this, this because I am learning anew too.

Any feedback welcome, let’s work this out together :)

[starcrossed-sky]

hi, it's the knees anon. didn't know i'd be back here so soon lol. your post about aphantasia got me thinking and now i'm wondering if my case has any similarity to the experience of people with aphantasia.

my process of visualizing anything whenever prompted is like taking memories of past things i've seen and pasting them the forefront of my mind like magazine cutouts. these magazine cutouts are always still and flat and vaguely defined. if i try to add details, rotate, or zoom in/out on specific parts of it, it does not result in any motion but simply my mind pasting another new magazine cutout and the previous one disappearing under it.

for example: in that test you linked, when asked to imagine a sunset, the freshest one in my memory came to mind—a picture i took in genshin last night, and it became a magazine cutout. then, when asked to imagine this sunset getting hazy, i had to stop for a moment as my mind scrambled through my memories like they were a pack of swatches. it couldn't come up with a hazy sunset in totality, so it simply provided a cutout of clouds and pasted it over, the previous cutout fading beneath it.

the individual magazine cutouts themselves aren't particularly faithful or durable either. even if asked to keep that initial magazine cutout in my mind and provide specific details about it, each question would act as prompt for another swatch-shuffle and replacement.

as for the apple test, what happens is: i produce a cutout of an apple, then when asked to rotate the apple my mind produces a new cutout of the bottom of an apple (not necessarily the same one as before), then another cutout of the top of an apple (again, not necessarily the same one). if asked to produce the imagery of a spinning apple, i can't.

as for the windows test: i am able to walk around my house in my mind, but it's via 1fps magazine cutouts with no inbetween frames.

how does this all sound to you?

hello and welcome back knees anon

The big thing to keep in mind here is that aphantasia is a spectrum (like a lot of other cognitive things). What you're describing sounds less far up the aphantasia spectrum than I am - when I can conjure an image, it usually is of the memory-photograph-still like what you're describing.

(Except faces. I can't conjure faces at all no sir 100% failure rate. I'm not classically faceblind, I recognize faces just fine most of the time, but they don't parse right in my brain.)

For me the tests come out roughly like this:

Sunset: Here is a picture of a sunset! One still image of a sunset coming right up! "Now imagine it getting hazy" [error 404 image not found.] For a "hazy" sunset i can get like. clumps of random fog, but they're not sunset-fog and they don't connect to the sunset at all.

Apple: Pretty much 100% of the time I just have a conceptual apple, not an image. I'm far better at envisioning like. Macro lens zoom of an apple skin than I am at 'seeing' the whole apple.

Window-counting: This has ONE image associated with it in my head and ironically it's of the side of the house with the fewest windows. And it's just like. a still image from my real actual memory, not an "imagination." I 'count' the windows by going around each wall of the house in order, but it''s not a visual impression, really.

Aphantasia tests in my experience aren't really gauged for a distinction between visual memory and visual imagining - I have a limited amount of the former (still images only) but not the latter. I'd say you're probably at partial or limited aphantasia somewhere, on the spectrum but not the Full Experience, but ultimately it's up to you to decide what feels right for describing how your brain works. I'm not in there with you, etc.

[feuervogel]

Reblogging to add commentary rather than leaving a response, because I don't think I can fit this into a comment, lol

A handful of years ago, probably the halcyon days of 2015 or 2016, there was an article in one of the big news magazines like The Atlantic or Slate where the author said, wait a damn minute, you mean "picture it in your head" isn't a METAPHOR? You people like literally hallucinate while you're reading or walking down the street or something? What the FUCK??

And a lot of people on twitter chimed in that they also always thought it was a metaphor, what an absolute bananapants thing for reality to do to people, make them hallucinate!

Cue a ton of discussions and thinkpieces and all that. Turns out, internal visual ability is a spectrum (shocker), and until some point, maybe 10 years ago, Everyone Thought that visualization ability was the norm, and the lack of it was a disorder or caused by literal brain damage (a stroke, say).

So, the questions: I have aphantasia; my internal visualization is limited basically to a brief flash of something I've seen before, like looking at a photograph for a second before someone yanks it away. I can't tell you what people look like, face-wise, unless they have some sort of distinctive feature (scar, tattoo, etc). I recognize people by their body shape, hair color or style, and mannerisms/gait. If I've known them long enough, or we're in outerwear season, I can recognize someone a hundred yards away by their coat. (I did this in college a lot. I was also nearsighted AF until I had lasik.)

Now I meet a lot of people in roller derby, and they all wear helmets, so I have NO IDEA who people are when they're out of their gear. I've had entire conversations with two different people thinking they were someone else. This happened twice! And not even, like, one time with person A who I thought was B, and the next time with B, no, one time it was with A who I thought was B, and the next time was C who I thought was D.

When I write, I don't describe my characters beyond hair color, fashion style, and size. I'm boggled at how many of my fellow writers cast actors in their books, like so-and-so would be perfect for the protagonist, and such-and-such for the romantic interest. I have no idea! So when I describe Butch Protag 1, she's like Joan Jett or Jo from Facts of Life, and romantic interest Femme(ish) Protag 2, she's like idk Salma Hayek. But I still go with, like, "short hair, kohl-rimmed eyes, leather-look jacket" and nothing more detailed.

I get a LOT of criticism about blank wall/empty room/talking heads syndrome, whatever one prefers to call it, because I literally don't care what the room Looks Like. I'll describe it in general terms (about 10 sqm, bed, closet, desk), but if I have to go into detail, I find a real-world place to describe.

(I just used the Eagle and Child in my WIP, for example. Thank you, image search.)

Okay so wait a minute, with this aphantasia thing. I don’t think I have aphantasia because I process audio fine, in fact I prefer not to have any visual, but apparently there is some relationship between it and ADHD. I’m not trying to be confrontational in any of this but I’m bewildered by the idea of mentally picturing things you listen to or read about. It’s bothered me since I posted the ask. 

I can picture things in my head, if I stop and make a conscious decision to build them, but if I’m doing that I can’t do anything else – I can’t listen to a podcast and picture it in my head and also do something with my hands. Come to think of it I probably couldn’t even keep up with the podcast if I was trying to picture it in my head, I’d struggle to choose which things to imagine and by the time I got them built they’d have moved on. It never feels like a very useful thing to do, because I’ve already got the words, that’s the important part, and I’d rather be doing stuff. I just assumed that most of the time when people talk about picturing stuff they’re either doing it very deliberately, like a guided meditation, or they’re being poetic, like people don’t actually do that, we just say we do as a way of describing someone thinking about something.

So, I’m listening to a podcast in which the host reads a letter from Napoleon Bonaparte to his brother, discussing his brother’s relationship with his wife (“she’s still young, let her dance if she wants, don’t lock her up with the kids all day.”) If you see images in your head when you hear audio, are you seeing the host reading off a sheet of paper, or Napoleon writing the letter, or Napoleon talking to his brother, or are you seeing Napoleon’s brother being mean to his wife? If you don’t know what any of these people look like, do you just make something up? 

Jesus Christ, when people read erotica do they picture the sex happening? What’s that like? You just get porn in your head involuntarily? I mean, not involuntarily, you’re choosing to read the text, but it just shows up when you do? 

Writers, when you write do you get mental images as you go? I often will pause in writing to build a mental image in my head and then describe it but as soon as I do it disappears, and it’s mostly a waste of time so I really only do that when I need to describe a space that people are moving around in (like the fishing lodge with the kitchen bar dividing the living room and kitchen, I do have several mental “camera snaps” of that setup, but I don’t picture it when I’m writing about it). 

This might explain why I always get yelled at for not describing people in my books. It’s simply unimportant to me 99% of the time and awkward to try and insert it the other 1%. I don’t picture people in my head when I read – they’re a personality, a collection of characteristics. My characters don’t have faces to me, like how people in dreams don’t have faces, you just know who they are. I describe them but that’s just words I really like, or I pick out people who already exist and just say “oh they look like that”. Obviously when someone wants a description I do my best to supply it, but in prose it’s just not important. 

This is genuinely blowing my mind. This is why people always want descriptions of things! They get to see the descriptions! Reading a book must be like going to an art gallery anytime you want without moving. Is that what it’s like? Is this super common, like am I the weird one, or is this just like for people with super vivid imaginations? 

[fearofahumanplanet]

OMG I FORGOT TO SEND IT BUT 🍏🥥🥭🍎🍓🥝🍅🍋 sorry its so long lol

Holy shit and I thought Ren's was so long

Also don't you apologize, I literally have NPD, feeding my ego is literally like. Giving a starving woman water

Anyway, let's digress before I get distracted

"🍏 Your cast is super diverse and exciting"

YESSS thank you - this is the most important part to me! Well-developed, nuanced characters that make you feel is my primary goal! It's my favorite part of writing so I'm glad Serpents' motley little crew is resonating with people :)

"🥥 Your story provides unique insights into society"

And this is the other most important thing to me! All my novels have some sociopolitical point to make and some psychological avenues to explore, I'm very much not an escapist author and I want to make people think about their relationships with others and society around them, so to see this succeeding is also very vindicating. Thank you!!

"🥭 I want to buy your book the moment it hits shelves"

I wish y'all were agents, none of the ones I've found are taking my shit :(

Maybe if I get a fanbase big enough I can kickstart something to self-publish, but I would seriously love to get nice print copies out to y'all - it's just a question of funds at the moment, and I don't quite got a big enough platform for that yet. HOWEVER! BELIEVE ME, IT IS THE DREAM!

"🍎 Your world-building is incredible"

I think I've gotten this one the most which is incredible to me, up until Serpents I was so crap at worldbuilding which led to me pathologically setting everything in contemporary settings, but I really put myself to work figuring out how to do worldbuilding well and it seems its paying off. Thank you so much :)

"🍓 Your work inspires me"

AAAAA I think I mentioned this somewhere else but this is my favorite one to see. My absolute favorite! There is nothing more I want than to inspire a bunch of other writers into bringing their own unique ideas out into the world - I'd love to see a lot more people getting creative and making really daring work in a market that's getting really one-note, so to have any part in that at all is.. just, beyond words. Thank you :)

"🥝 I want to see your story made into a movie or TV series"

YEAHHH I mentioned this in another post but I think Serpents would make for an amazing animated television series - very stylized animation, go all Arcane or Spider-Verse with it and give a unique artstyle to every pantheon, have the colors clash! It'd be so good!

"🍅 Your emotionally-charged scenes feel real and engaging"

This is the other big thing for me, my stories would literally collapse without the emotional weight getting across, so I am so glad this is working for people :) My work always started as traumaposting, basically, and it still is that, but I've wanted it to inspire others, help them heal, see they aren't alone, and so I really bare my soul in my writing for that purpose - and I'm so glad to see it works. Thank youuu <3

"🍋 Your descriptions are transportive"

This one is still. So astounding to me, that I hear this a lot, because I have aphantasia! I can't see shit in my head whatsoever, I can't visualize anything at all, so descriptions are one of the biggest challenges I have writing! I suspect that my needing to make up for this disability is what makes them so vivid and detailed, but that's just a theory. Thank you so much <3

Seriously, you are too kind for all of this - SO MUCH, but it makes me so happy <3 I hope you're having an amazing day

[easy-revenge]

Do you have Aphantasia?

I just realized today that I have Aphantasia. It's really not a big deal, it really just helped me make sense of some things that used to get me confused.

I found out through a tiktok post, so I thought I'd put a simple test here in case it helps someone or something lol

Okay, so:

Close your eyes and visualize a red star. Nothing fancy just a 2D star coloured red. That's all.

Now:

Which one of these looks the most like what you saw in your mind?

Most people see some variation of number 6, while people like me, who have Aphantasia, see something from 1-5 or something in between.

Aphantasia

/ˌeɪfanˈteɪzɪə/

noun

the inability or difficulty to form mental images of objects that are not present.

There is not much research on how many people have Aphantasia, some say up to 30% of the population has it to some extend and others say it's only 1-3%. We do know it was firstly observed in the 1800s!

Aphantasia exists on a huge spectrum so someone could be seeing just the shapes of things in their mind's eye, or maybe not see specific details or colour. I for once see only darkness when I imagine things.

It's very weird trying to explain something I've taken for granted in my 20 years of existence, but to me it sort of feels like I have the ingredients for an image in my head in the form of words but can't see the actual image.

I still enjoy reading books, writing and drawing as much as the next person it's just that my process differs and honestly that's okay.

There is a handful of info about Aphantasia out there for you guys to check out, I just thought I'd shed some light on it since it could be very common and not well known.

I mean I finally figured out why counting sheep to fall asleep always seemed ridiculous to me😂

[levtashine]

I also never visualize books. Apparently most people are able to actually visualize things in their head and I just, can't. I didn't find out until I was talking about a guided meditation with some friends and realized that when the meditation said to visualize a beach they could actually see it in their head. But for me, I know what beaches look like and could describe a beach I don't literally see it when I close my eyes (I just see my eyelids or darkness lol). Similarly, when I read books I know what the characters are supposed to look like but I don't actually have any sort of mental picture of them. Not being able to visualize things is called aphantasia apparently.

Hm I've heard of that but I don't think I have it! Like I can visualize the character if prompted to do so, but I don't do so when I'm actually reading? I do have minor prosopagnosia (face blindness) though so maybe that's why I can't visualize characters djskdj. Like I recognize people based almost entirely off their hair so ofc I'm bad at picturing faces yfm

[mordcore]

im borderline aphantasia since [trauma] and i'll try to see what memory recall things changed at the same time

a big one is that since then i cannot remember emotions. i can only remember words i used to think about them.

ive always been faceblind so idk if remembering faces was ever less hard

ironically i still have a visual memory. i dont understand how it works myself because im not usually paying attention to how i remember things. remembering the sizes of places is impossible though unless i have something to go by ("my old room had a bed on the side opposite the wall and a desk next to it. therefore that wall must have been long enough to fit a bed and a desk").

the something to go by memory access is a general thing i do, which works because evey 1-5 years in my life a big change happens so any memory snippet i can usually follow a chain of remembered associations until i know roughly the time when it happened.

example: "i used to have this cool tank top with a skull. i lost it when i moved and the moving guys lost or stole the box it was in. we got some money for it tho that i had to convince my parents to give to me because it was all my stuff that got lost, and i was recently moved out and had to buy my own clothes. i moved out when i was 18. also the tank was from h&m which means i mustve bought it after the age of 14 because access to the store (huge tangent to explain lol). therefore, i owned that tank somewhen between 15 and 18."

the moving out of my parents home is one of the big changes and the being in a country that happened to noy have h&m before the age of 15 is another lmao.

also i have a random visual detail, that i was having the argument with my parents in my grandmas old house in the living room. like no clear image obviously, mostly a meta-information about being seated at that specific table (but i dont remember where... just like a blurry freeze frame of that room/table.)

that mightve been a bit beside the point lol

i also struggle more to calculate in my head now and remember dates or lists or.. multiple things. i used to be a visual thinker and if i wanted to remember 7 words or tasks id just visualize them as a list or w/e but i can't anymore and have to write it down or fail miserably.

my short term memory can hold 2 things on a good day now.

a lot of the changes could be more trauma than aphantasia caused but who can tell

lmao i hoped this helped w anything or was at least interesting! thanks for the chance to ramble

Hey ppl who cannot visualise things, what kinds of things are you good at remembering and bad at remembering?