#I have all my stuff packed and im honestly ready to leave tomorrow morning

[strawbabycowboy]

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[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Six (Harry Styles)

a/n: LAST PART OMG!! im a little emotional this story has come to its end but it already ended up like twice as long as i planned it to be haha! thank you so much for reading and loving the story, it means so much to me and i loved seeing your reactions as the plot developped! i hope you guys will be happy with the ending our pair got and i can’t wait to read your thoughts about the series as a whole!!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce, sexual content

word count: 14.8k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

Waking up next to Harry is probably your most favorite thing in the entire world right now and you’ve been able to experience it every morning since you dropped Izzy off at Anne’s. You’re missing her like crazy and can’t wait to have her back, but part of you is desperate to stretch these days as long as possible, because you’re not sure if Harry will be comfortable with you sleeping in his room once his little one is back under the roof.

It’s always the same, yet you can’t get enough of it. Harry grumbles as he turns the alarm off, snuggles back to you for just a few minutes before he forces himself to take a shower. In the meantime you start breakfast and his coffee waits for him ready by the time he joins you in the kitchen. You eat together, sometimes talking, sometimes just silently enjoying each other’s presence and it’s the perfect way to start your days.

Then Harry is off to work and you go for whatever shooting you had planned for the day. Luckily, you’ve been keeping yourself busy. If your day ended early, you always found something else to do, you picked Trevor up another time and also managed to have lunch with Harry on Thursday which was such a nice change, even if it was just eating takeout in his office because you were in the neighborhood and he had some time to see you.

Now it’s Friday and you’re spending it with some editing and eventually packing, since you’re leaving to the countryside for Sarah and Mitch’s wedding when Harry comes home. You’ve been looking forward to this weekend all week, you had a few phone calls with Sarah and the two of you hit it off quite well, you can’t wait to finally attend the wedding. And also because Harry is coming with you, so it’ll be a kind of weekend getaway even though the two of you have been alone home all week.

Harry runs a little late from work so you leave about an hour later than you planned, but it’s all good, since nothing is planned for the evening, you just wanted to be at the location on time. It’s going to be a small wedding, nothing extra and it’s held in an inn near the beach, the perfect spot in your opinion, especially because even the weather seems to be celebration the occasion and it won’t be raining cats and dogs.

Heather: A double date? I don’t know, who’s the guy?

You’re texting Heather in the car and you finally bring up the possibility of going on a double date with Niall.

Y/N: Photo attachment

Y/N: He is a cool guy, I think you would like him!

Heather: He surely is hot! Alright, we’ll see. Anyway, have fun with your super hot and rich boyfriend this weekend! Tell me all about the wedding next week!

Y/N: Thanks!

Your eyes scan over the word boyfriend. You didn’t want to correct her and tell her that you are not boyfriend and girlfriend, just dating, because you kind of enjoy the thought of being an official item. It’s been just a few weeks since it all started and you know that Harry needs to take things in his own pace, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to play with the thought.

You’re aching to finally call him your boyfriend or what’s better, hear him call you his girlfriend. The thought of calling this man yours is making you go nuts but you need to be patient with him. He has gone through so much change lately, you can’t let your silliness ruin it for the both of you.

It’s late by the time you arrive to the Inn and you both feel exhausted from the ride so you want nothing else than to get a good night sleep before the wedding tomorrow.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Sarah greets the two of you when you walk into the Inn. She envelopes you in a warm hug before doing the same with Harry. IN the meanwhile, Mitch has also appeared and he greets you with a short hug as well before giving a brotherly hug to Harry. “Had a safe ride?”

“Yeah, everything went fine,” you nod smiling.

“Great. Well, here is your room key, made sure you two are getting one of the larger rooms,” Sara smiles slyly, but you’re taken aback by something else.

“We’re sharing a room?” you ask turning to Harry, who seems nervous about your question, though it wasn’t your intention to make him ashamed in any kind of way.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, Sarah asked me this week which room I want and I told her we would be sharing… Is that okay? We-we could ask for a room for you as well if y—“ “Harry,” you chuckles softly, giving his hand a squeeze. “I would love to share, I just wasn’t expecting you to want to do the same is all,” you tell him and you can see the relief in his eyes instantly.

You talk over a few things with Sarah before taking your stuff up to the room and calling it a night. Harry takes a shower first in the small bathroom that’s joined to your room and in the meantime you hang your dress up so it doesn’t get too wrinkly by the morning. Then you just get all your equipment done, making sure everything is full and loaded for the big day tomorrow. When Harry is done you take your turn and the hot shower feels nice, quite relaxing. Walking out you find Harry lying in bed, typing on his phone, he smiles up at you when you join him in bed.

“My mum sent me this. They went to the park today.” He turns the screen towards you and a photo of Izzy is shown with ice-cream all over her face, grinning happily into the camera.

“She could literally live on ice-cream,” you chuckle, making yourself comfortable under the sheets.

“And gummy bears,” Harry chuckles before locking his phone and putting it to the side table. He is quick to wrap his arms around you, pulling you against his side and you smile as you snuggle to him, enjoying the heat of his body. “Good night, love,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

“Good night, H,” you softly reply before letting yourself drift to sleep within seconds.

You already have a lot of experience with weddings and no matter how big or small it is, the day is always a little bit chaotic, everyone is all over the place, there’s no time for just messing around, especially for you.

Following a nice breakfast with Harry on the tiny balcony that’s connected to your room, you are forced to part since Harry is supposed to be with all the other guys, getting ready in the room that’s reserved for Mitch, while you kind of need to be everywhere at the same time, but you obviously spend the most time with Sarah, wanting to capture all her best moments.

Sometime around noon you get about an hour off while everyone else is getting lunch and Harry texts you to join him on the mole down the beach that runs just below the inn. When you arrive he is already sitting on one of the old wood benches with a pizza box on his lap.

“Hey,” you smile softly and leaning down you peck his lips quickly before joining him on the bench.

“The boy ordered pizza and I got one for us too, hope it’s okay.”

“Of course, I didn’t even think about lunch until you texted,” you chuckle as he settles the box between the two of you and you both take a slice.

“So how are the photos coming up so far?”

“Good, I’ll have a ton of editing to do, but I think they will like the outcome.”

“Can I have a sneak peek of them?” he smirks playfully, but you shake your head.

“No, the first ones to see them will be Sarah and Mitch, sorry,” you chuckle as he pouts his lips at you, but goes back to his slice right after.

You both are just enjoying the quiet for a little, having had a busy day so far, exchanging very few words, but it’s still a nice time spent together. It is just the two of you until a guy approaches you on the mole.

“Hey guys! Mitch wondered where you went, H,” he smirks down at Harry before his eyes land on you. He is tall, but not as tall as Harry, rocking a noticeable beard and he is wearing the same outfit as Harry: maroon pants with a crispy white dress shirt. “Oh, you’re the photographer, right?” he smiles at you.

“Yeah, I’m Y/N,” you answer nicely, holding out a hand for him.

“I’m Landon, Mitch’s cousin,” he nods with a charming smile. “Sorry for interrupting your lunch guys. Just wanted to let you know that Mitch wants to do a round of shots when everyone’s back,” he chuckles.

“He is gonna be so hammered,” Harry chuckles shaking his head. “I’ll be back soon, thanks Landon.”

“No worries. I’ll see you around, Y/N,” he smiles at you before turning around and walking back to the inn. You catch Harry’s eyes for a moment and you have a guess what he is thinking about. Landon seemed to like you, with his flirty smiles and friendly introduction, he was surely thinking about shooting his shot, but he might not know that you’re dating Harry.

However he doesn’t say anything, just continues to eat his lunch in silence and quite frankly, you forget about Landon’s existence pretty fast.

After lunch it gets a bit hectic. The ceremony is starting at 3, so you don’t have much time left. You do the first look reveal thing and this time their son, James is included in it, which is honestly such a pure moment and capturing it feels like a privilege.

Soon enough the guests are starting to arrive and you quickly run up to the room to change into your dress. Most of the time you are not required to dress up for the job, but you like to blend into the crowd so you usually choose to wear a nice dress and you’re doing the same this time as well. You’ve brought a pastel yellow satin dress that teases a little cleavage, and you pair it with a cream colored cardigan, creating a simple but still elegant look for the rest of the day. You’re fixing your makeup in a hurry when the door opens and Harry walks in.

He immediately stops in his tracks upon seeing you in front of the mirror, his eyes traveling down the lengths of your body, a stunned expression adorning his handsome features.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were… in here,” he mumbles and you can see the blush forming on his cheeks. “You look… You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you chuckle softly. He takes a few steps closer to you and reaching up he brushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers leaving a trail of delicate touch on the side of your face.

Leaning down his lips hover over yours for a moment, as if he was giving you the chance to pull back, but who are you to deny anything from Harry Styles? So when you stay in place, he finally presses his lips to yours in a slow and tender kiss filled with passion. His hands cup your face in his and you bring yours up to wrap around his wrists as you kiss him back, already craving more than just a kiss.

But it feels like you are not the only one growing hungrier with the seconds, one of Harry’s hands wander down to your butt and you feel his palm’s warmth through the thin layer of your dress, though you wish there was nothing between his skin and yours. When he starts kissing down your jawline and neck, pushing you backwards you hate to break the moment, but there’s no time for any funny business. So painfully, but you pull back, already missing his lips on yours.

“I would really love to continue this, but I need to be with Sarah in about three minutes,” you chuckle softly.

“Yeah, I need to get back to Mitch too,” he sighs, pecking the corner of your mouth before his arms fall from around you.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” you smile up at him, fixing the collar of his shirt.

“Yeah,” he smiles with a boyish smile before you part ways again.

All through the ceremony you are kind of all over the place, trying to get the best shots, you don’t have much time to spare. Sarah’s entrance with her dad and James walking down the aisle is so beautiful and you get some amazing shots of Mitch’s emotions upon seeing his future wife. They tell their vows, touching every guest with their sweet words to each other and then they finally say ‘I do’ and become husband and wife.

You snap a series of photos of that moment as well, but then you allow yourself to peek over at Harry who is already watching you with a soft smile. You can feel yourself blushing, his gaze is warm but also quite intimidating in this sentimental moment.

And then the party finally starts. You try to follow the newly weds around as much as possible, but you also get around the tent, shooting pictures of the guests as well. You only get to have a few moments with Harry, because either you need to rush off or sometimes someone finds him and wants to have a few words. He is quite popular among the guests, but it’s no surprise. You’d want to have the chance to talk to him too if you saw him.

“Have you even had a bite yet?” A male voice calls out for you when you’re trying to sneak from one point to the other. Glancing over your shoulder you see Landon with a drink in his hand.

“I’ll eat later. The dance is about to happen so I need to be ready for that,” you smile at him.

“Mitch told me they found a really good photographer, but he surely forgot to mention how devoted you are. I’m excited to see the photos.”

“Thanks, I’m trying my best,” you chuckle.

“Save me a dance later?”

“Oh, um, sure,” you nod with a nervous chuckle. “But I really gotta go now,” you excuse yourself before he could even get another word out.

As you slalom between the tables you spot Harry sitting at one of them and he is staring at Landon from across the room, a not too friendly look plastered across his face. You wonder if he has seen you talking to him and now he is feeling jealous or if you’re just seeing things. But you don’t have much time to ponder on it, work is calling you.

As the happy couple share their first dance, soon enough more and more guests join them and you’re standing at the side, snapping the cute dance partners slow dancing to the music with Sarah and Mitch in the middle. You’re adjusting the settings on your camera, when a tall figure appears in front of you.

“May I have a dance?” Harry asks, holding out a hand for you like a true gentleman.

“Oh, I should—“

“If you are about to say you should be taking pictures, the bride told me to ask you,” he tells you with a soft chuckle and as your eyes fall on Sarah, she is smiling in your way happily, nodding her approval to get off duty for just a little.

“Then, I would love to,” you smile shyly, taking Harry’s hand as he takes you to the dance floor. Placing his hands to your waist he pulls you close to him while you rest your arms around his neck, swaying to the rhythm very gently.

“I always get a little emotional at weddings,” he confesses with a small smile.

“Yeah? Why?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I just… love seeing people in love. Especially when they are my friends,” he adds chuckling.

“It really is a nice thing.”

Harry pulls you tighter against him, his cheek pressing against the side of your head and you let your eyes fall closed for a few seconds, enjoying this moment with him. He starts to softly him the song and his voice flows through your ears smoothly, you’re in awe how good his voice is. He never told you he is a good singer too above being an amazing producer.

When the song ends some couples stay, but some make their way off the dance floor and you have to get back to your job as well. Leaning back you squeeze Harry’s arm as his hands fall from your frame too.

“Save a slice from the cake for me,” you smile at him and he nods with a smirk.

“I will. I’ll have it ready for you at the table.”

You place a short kiss to his cheek before you disappear from his sight, leaving him alone again.

The night carries on as usual, sometime after dinner your phone dies so you leave it on the charger up in your room before running back down. The party starts to unfold as the time passes, more drinks are being consumed and this is kind of your secret favorite part, because the more people drink, the more they are willing to pose for funny pictures. This is the time that births the best group photos, in your opinion.

Though you are having an amazing time, you can feel yourself growing tired. When it’s finally cake time you take some time off to sit with Harry who saved you a slice, just as you asked him. It’s nice to have a breather, just enjoy the evening with him by your side again.

“Mm, didn’t know you could eat icing without getting it all over my face,” you tease him, referring back to the time you made such a mess out of the kitchen when you tried to make cupcakes for him.

“Very funny,” he narrows his eyes at you, before dipping his finger into the icing and wiping it onto your nose.

“Hey!” you pout at him, cleaning it up, but he just smirks at you playfully before pecking your lips shortly. It’s the first time he is kissing you in with so many people around and it surely makes you giddy, knowing that he is not trying to hide you in any way.

Weddings are a lot of fun, but they always stretch so long. The party can last till the morning sometimes and you can’t just decide to call it a night and stop doing your job, you need to be there until the DJ shuts the music off and all guests disappear. And it seems like this wedding won’t be any shorter either.

It’s already past midnight when you decide to sneak out for a short break. You’ve been on your feet for way too long and you stole some food too. You hesitated if you should sit back to your table, but you felt like you could use some quiet so you left the tent and found a bench nearby.

As you sit and eat the food you snatched from the buffet table, you hope the party won’t last until the Sun comes up. You get so into your own little world that you almost don’t even notice the approaching tall figure.

“Having a break, huh?” Landon calls out as the gravel crunches under his fancy dress shoes.

“Ah, yeah. I needed a few minutes away from the music,” you chuckle softly. Landon stops in front of you and hides his hands in his pockets as he blinks down at you with tired looking eyes. It might be from the long night, but you are guessing the drinks he’s been consuming don’t help his energy either.

“May I say that you look really pretty? I haven’t been to many weddings yet, but the photographers went for the more comfortable look since they are not on the photos, but you chose to glam yourself.”

���Thanks,” you chuckle softly. “I like to blend into the guests.”

“Well, you don’t blend in this way either, because you look prettier than most women in that tent,” he compliments you and you’re starting to feel awkward. It’s not that you don’t like it when someone is talking highly of you, but it’s obvious what Landon wants and you are definitely not on the same page.

“Um, thank you.”

“I’m sorry if I come off too brash or pushy, but I promised myself I would never miss a chance to compliment a pretty woman when I see one.”

“That’s nice, but I’m afraid I’m not the right person to spend your energy on,” you answer with a tight-lipped smile. Landon narrows his eyes at you, but keeps his playful manner.

“So you don’t find me good-looking, is that it?” he teases and you shake your head with a soft chuckle.

“That’s not what I was talking about.”

“Then you like to break hearts, right? You must enjoy making men fall for you,” he carries on with his little joke and just as you’re about to speak up to tell him you are seeing someone, Harry’s familiar deep voice interrupts the conversation.

“There you are, I’ve been calling you.” He is talking to you, but his eyes are clearly glued to the man standing in front of you.

“Oh, my phone is in the room, I had to charge it,” you tell him.

“What are you guys doing out here?” he asks, clearly not liking the situation, you and Landon alone outside with no one else around. Jealousy is dripping from his eyes that appear so much darker now in the dim lighting.

“I’ve been dumped by this amazing woman right here,” Landon sighs dramatically and Harry cocks an eyebrow at him before glancing over at you.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah, she is clearly not interested in me, my charm didn’t work on her,” he laughs lightheartedly.

“I hope it didn’t because she is my girlfriend,” Harry answers simply and your lips part at what he just called you.

Landon stumbles back, his smile quickly vanishes from his face as he stares back at Harry. You feel like you’re watching some kind of documentary movie where male animals are trying to win over the female, only that Landon stands no chance in this situation, but you find it quite funny.

“Man, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t know!” he apologizes right away as he realizes why Harry has been kind of spicy around him. Landon then faces you. “Y/N, I didn’t mean to make it awkward and all that, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you smile at him nicely. He mumbles something about checking up on Mitch before walking away, leaving you and Harry alone. He joins you on the bench, staring after Landon for a few moments before turning to face you. A much softer expression is showing on his face this time.

“So, you just called me your girlfriend,” you point out, trying your best to hold your growing smirk back.

“I, uhh—I did, didn’t I?” he chuckles nervously. “I’m sorry, it just slipped out, because I didn’t like how Landon was trying to chat you up all night…”

“So you didn’t…. You didn’t mean it?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows, feeling yourself growing disappointed.

“Well, I… I mean, I didn’t mean to say it like that, without discussing it with you, but… I would love to call you my girlfriend,” he admits shyly and you can’t believe that this nervous man next to you is the same man who owns a record label and manages his million dollars business every day without a problem.

“I like the sound of that,” you smirk, leaning closer to him so your noses are almost touching.

“Yeah?” he smiles, a lot more relieved and playfully than he was a moment ago.

“Mhm,” you nod, biting your lip. You blindly put your plate to the side before cupping his face in both of your hands and pulling him in for a kiss, your first one as boyfriend and girlfriend. Part of you feels silly that it makes you so ecstatic, like you’re a high school girl, but in this moment you couldn’t care less.

What starts as a sweet and innocent kiss quickly turns into something more, something heated. When Harry’s hands find your bare thighs and they slightly slide under your dress you can’t help but yearn for more, pulling him closer as your tongues meet. Your fingers lace through his curls, tugging on them gently and you’re fighting the urge to throw a leg over him and just sit on his lap straddling him. When he starts kissing down your jawline and neck, you have to stop him for the second time today, not that you wanted to do it anytime, but the time and place hasn’t been right.

“We can’t…” you sigh, pulling back even though every fiber in your body is telling you otherwise. Harry lets out a long sigh, nodding his head.

“Yeah, I know.”

“But hopefully, the party will end soon and then we will be all alone in our room,” you smirk at him slyly and it brings back the shine into his eyes.

“I can’t wait,” he mumbles before kissing you one last time.

From that moment, Harry lingers around you at all times for the rest of the night. He is always either right by your side, or within a few feet away from you, keeping an eye on you, but not in an obsessive and intrusive kind of way. His eyes are filled with lust every time you share a look at each other and you can tell he can’t wait for the party to finally be over. Whenever he is next to you, he makes sure to touch you in any kind of way. Placing his palm to the small of your back, your arm or your hips, or when you sit next to each other he rests his hand on your thigh or knee without hesitation. And you are loving all the affection you are being showered with.

By the time the wedding officially ends and you can finally call it a night, you are both touch starved and hungry for each other. Harry pulls you against him on the stairs up to your room, not even giving a damn that you are still out in the public. His mouth attacks you hungrily, kissing you anywhere he can reach as the two of you stumble up your way to the room.

Pushing the door open you basically fall inside, giggling against Harry’s lips as he shuts the door closed and presses you up against it, making you gasp at the action. He is so much more demanding and confident than the last time you shared an intimate moment and though you’re not sure how far he is planning to go, you know you are ready to give him anything he desires.

“As much as I love this dress on you, it needs to go,” he playfully smirks as his hands bunch your dress up on your thigh before grabbing it and pulling it off your body, leaving you only in your underwear so fast.

Your lips find his as your fingers work fast on the buttons of his shirt while you inch further into the room towards the bed. You both kick your shoes off on the way and when you fall to the mattress Harry’s shirt is already gone. He climbs above you as you sink into the way too many pillows and you blindly throw a few off the bed to give you more space. Harry licks into your mouth one last time before he moves down your neck and collarbones, peppering your heated skin with his kisses, his hands already sliding under your back to unclasp your bra. Arching your back you give him space to do the task on hand and a few moments later you are lying under him with your chest completely bare. His name falls from your lips as a whimper when his mouth comes in contact with your left nipple, kissing, licking and sucking on it while his hand kneads your other breast before he switches, giving both sides the same amount of attention. Your fingers lace through his unruly curls as you enjoy his touch that’s burning and soothing at the same time.

When he kisses down your stomach and hips, he hooks his fingers into your lacy underwear, but stop before doing anything, looking up at you for reassurance. You give him the green light by nodding and he carefully pulls the fabric off your body, baring you in front of his eyes completely. His kisses pepper his way up your inner thighs until he finally reaches your dripping wet core.

“Harry!” you moan when his tongue and lips press against your clit, swirling and sucking on it just right, making you shiver under his touch. He curls his arms around your legs, keeping them in place as he keeps working his magic, making you a whimpering mess with each lick.

He does the same thing as last time, teases you with his finger dancing around your entrance until you are basically ready to beg him for more. Then he finally pushes two fingers inside you and starts pumping in a slow pace that drives you nuts, leaving you ache for more of him.

You pull him up before he could get you to the top, because that’s not how you want it now and you need to know if he is ready to take this step with you. He understands what you want from just a look as he hovers above you and you cup his face in your hands tenderly.

“I want it,” he breathes out and you could come just from those three words.

“Are you sure?” you ask, though you just want to jump right at it already. Still, you want to make sure he is completely fine with everything that’s about to happen.

“Yeah. I am,” he nods before leaning down he presses his lips against yours.

Your hands reach down and undo his pants, pushing them down along with his boxers before he does the rest of the job kicking them off. His erection presses up against your thigh as his hips fall down a bit and you moan with just the feeling of him on your skin. Wrapping your hands around his shaft you start pumping him while your kiss never breaks.

“Oh fuck,” he moans in sensation and you grin against his lips, enjoying the thought that you are the one making him feel this good.

“Do you have a condom?” you breathe out.”

“Shit, I don’t…”

“It’s alright, I have one.” You sneak out from under him and rush over to your bag to look for your toiletries, you know you have one somewhere in there. When you finally find the little package you quickly get back to the bed where Harry is now lying on his back. Kneeling next to him you give him a soft, reassuring look.

“Do you want me to…?” you imply, holding up the foil.

“Oh, um, yeah, sure,” he nods and you swear you see him blushing. Ripping the package open you lean closer and roll the condom down his hard length before throwing a leg over his lap and get back to kissing him. You take your time with him, running your hands up and down his toned, inked chest as his palms warm the skin on your waist while your lips move together in sync perfectly. You could tell he needed a moment to get settled and wrap his mind around what’s really about to happen.

“Everything alright?” you ask, a little out of breath as you hold yourself up above him. He nods shortly. “Do you want me on top or you want to switch?”

“C-can you stay on top for now?”

“Yeah,” you smile at him warmly, before capturing his lips in a sweet kiss while your right hand wanders down his body until you reach his hard cock. Harry whimpers against your lips when you wrap your hand around the base, lining him up with yourself.

“Tell me if you want to stop, alright?” you ask him and in any other situation you’d find it a little funny that it’s you asking him that, usually this request comes from the guy, but you just want to make sure he is comfortable with everything that’s happening. Harry nods again and as he gulps hard his Adam’s apple bops up and down. Leaning down you kiss him again as you slowly ease down yourself just enough so that the head of his cock slides inside you. You stop, giving both him and you the chance to get accustomed to the feeling. It’s been quite some time for you as well, and your fingers do not compare to Harry’s size, that’s for sure.

He keeps one hand on your hip while the other reaches up and cups the side of your head, panting against your lips from the feeling of finally being inside you. Once you’ve made sure you both adjusted to the feeling, you allow yourself to sink further down until his whole length disappears inside you. You stay still, shutting your eyes closed as you let your walls stretch around his erection, making that slight pain you feel go away. Adding the length and thickness of his cock to the long drought you’ve had in the field of sex is making it feel like you are having your first time again in a way. It’s not that awkward and definitely not that painful, but still, that’s what it reminds you of.

“Are you good?” he asks, squeezing your hip gently. Your eyes snap open and meet his green ones that are now clouded with a little bit of worry.

“Yeah, it’s just… You’re big, Harry,” you admit with a soft chuckle that brings a cocky grin to his lips as well. “Just give me a moment.”

He just nods again and both his hands start running up and down your sides reassuringly as you take a few seconds to yourself before you start moving your hips. You start off slowly, dragging your movements out, trying to see what feels the best and judging from Harry’s moans and grunts he is enjoying himself no matter what you do. Your hands sprawl out on his chest, fingers digging into his skin as you lean onto him while starting to move up and down his throbbing cock.

“Fuck, you feel so good!” he whimpers, almost as if he was in pain, but you can see the pleasure in his eyes.

Your thighs start to burn, but you keep moving yourself, not wanting to stop, because you’re feeling your orgasm building up inside you. When he starts thrusting up to meet your movements, you moan his name so loudly there’s a chance the people next door heard you, but you couldn’t care about that now.

Harry might have noticed that you’re starting to get tired, so pushing himself up he wraps his arms around you and turns you over until you’re the one lying on the bed and he holds himself up above you on his arms. Your legs circle around his waist as he starts moving in and out of you, the new position making you both moan and gasp at the sensation.

“Harry!” you whine as he keeps hitting that one spot inside you, pushing you closer to the edge dangerously fast.

“Am I making you feel good, baby? You like it?”

“You’re making me feel so good, please don’t stop!” you beg him as he buries his face in your neck, sucking on the soft skin, most definitely leaving a mark on you that you’ll wear proudly tomorrow. You would never want to hide the fact how good Harry fucked you, let the world know that your boyfriend made you feel so amazing!

“Oh my God, I’m getting close. Are you feeling it too? Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” he asks, his lips brushing against your earlobe. Grabbing his face you pull him into a kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth mercilessly and the grunt he lets out is making your insides tremble. It’s animalistic, so passionate and sexual, you want to hear this every day for the rest of your life.

“I’m close, go a little harder, Harry!” you plead and he does as you asked without hesitation, his hips slamming harder against you, making you gasp for air as your head sinks into the pillow, your back arching in pleasure.

“Cum for me, Y/N. Let it go!”

“Harry!” you whine, as you can feel your orgasm threatening to burst inside you any moment.

“Say my name when you cum, I want to hear who’s making you feel so good, baby!”

Your fingers dig into his hair as you chant his name over and over again with each thrust he makes and then your release finally arrives. You moan and whimper, shaking under his naked, sweaty body, his name falling from your lips as an endless glorification. Your walls clench around his cock and it’s the last straw for him as well, his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated as he cries out your name, his hips slamming hard against you while he rides his orgasm out. Reaching down you drag your nails down his back until you reach his perfectly round ass, giving it a cheeky squeeze while he buries his head into the crook of your neck, thrusting into you a few more times before coming to a stop.

Turning your head you kiss his temple, running your hands up and down his back while you both try to catch your breath, coming off your high. Soon Harry pulls out and rolls off of you, his body smashing into the mattress beside you, his face glowing from that post sex euphoria. After a few moments of just panting and blinking into the void you finally feel yourself returning to reality and rolling to your side you cuddle to Harry’s body, his arm instantly coming to circle around you.

“Everything alright?” you softly ask, placing a tender kiss to his chest under one of his swallow tattoos. The last thing you want is to have him freak out now that the deed has been done, but when he gifts you with a tired but genuine smile, your worries vanish into thin air.

“Yeah. I’m all good. More than good,” he chuckles before lifting his head and placing a soft kiss to your forehead. His fingers are dancing up and down your naked back, following the line of your spine and your ribs, his smoothing touch already working as a lullaby on you, but you’re determined to stay awake just a little longer.

“Are you turned on by hearing your own name during sex?” you tease him with a sly smile as you think back to how much he enjoyed you scream his name over and over again.

“I might have a bit of a praise kink,” he admits truthfully with a smirk.

“Mm, interesting.”

“What’s yours?”

“What do you like during sex?”

“You, balls deep inside me,” you bluntly answer, making him laugh at your words. “And I like doggy,” you then add to actually answer his question.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, and maybe some hair pulling. Not in an extreme way, but I like a little.” “Alright, noted,” he hums nodding.

You both clean yourselves up in the bathroom, moving around each other naked without any shame. Harry then puts on a pair of clean boxers and you change into your night clothes, though the moment you make yourself comfortable in Harry’s arms in bed his hand sneaks up your back under the shirt, tugging the material up. You could have just stayed shirtless, but now you’re too tired to even move. His fingers are drawing little patterns over your skin as you listen to his steady breathing before drifting off to sleep.

Sunday feels like a day after a sleepover in high school, when you’re thinking about everything that has happened the day before, and you’re so happy it happened but you’re kind of tired and just want the comfort of your home already.

Sarah and Mitch leave for their honeymoon early in the morning. You say goodbye and Sarah just keeps thanking you for your work even though she hasn’t even seen the picture yet.

“But I’m sure they are amazing! Can’t wait to see them!” she beams at you when you try to tell her to just wait for the actual outcome.

You leave the inn a little before noon heading to Anne’s to pick Izzy up. You have lunch somewhere on the road and then you sing along to the music in the car, enjoying yet another roadtrip together, making the best out of your last minutes alone. You’re happy to see that Harry hasn’t seemed to spiral after what happened last night, he seems delighted and pleased, maybe even excited. Driving down the highway he keeps a hand on your thigh whenever he doesn’t need to use it on the shifting gear and every time he reaches for you, it turns you into a giddy little girl.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Izzy chants upon running into Harry’s arms the moment you park down on Anne’s driveway. Apparently, she’s been sitting by the window for an hour, waiting for her dad to finally arrive.

“Oh, I missed you so much, baby!” Harry cheers, catching the running girl and lifting her up into his arms, hugging her close. It’s such a sweet sight, seeing the two purest people you know be so happy to see each other after a week spent apart.

“I missed you too!” Izzy sighs, wrapping her short arms around Harry’s neck, nuzzling into her daddy’s embrace and your heart is fluttering in your chest for sure.

Anne invites the two of you inside for a tea, Harry helps Izzy pack all her stuff while she is nonstop blabbering about everything she did with her grandma during the week, and Harry listens to her intently, even though she already shared everything with him on the phone when he called every night.

“How did the wedding go?” Anne asks you cheerfully as you help her in the kitchen.

“Oh, it was amazing! Sarah looked so beautiful and everything went smoothly.”

“That’s great, they are such a cute couple!”

Anne is quick to ask you about photography, how long you’ve been doing it and you even show her a few of your works seeing how enthusiastic she is about the whole thing. You were a little nervous about meeting her, but she is just as sweet and kind as her son, making it so easy to treat her just as a friend, not as the mother of your boyfriend.

Before leaving Izzy insists on showing you all the paintings she made for Anne this week, she has them on the wall in her little home office. While you’re shown around in Izzy’s personal gallery, Harry joins his mother downstairs, finishing up his tea.

“I assume the weekend went well, you two are glowing,” she smiles slyly at him and Harry can’t hide his boyish smile.

“I uhh… I asked her to be my girlfriend,” he admits and Anne gasps happily, thrilled about the news.

“I’m so happy for you, Har. I think she is a really good match for you!” she beams, pulling him into a motherly hug, kissing his cheek as if he was just a little boy, not a grown man.

“Thanks, mum. I’m happy too.” “You deserve it. It’s so good to see you living your life again.” Soon enough, Harry loads the car with Izzy’s stuff and it’s time to say goodbye.

“Bye Anne, it was so nice to see you!” you smile hugging her.

“Come back soon, Darling! Nag this old man to visit me more often!” Anne jokes giving Harry a playful look who leaves her comment unnoticed, giving his mother a tight hug.

“Thank you for everything mum, love you, I’ll call you alright?”

“Drive safe!” she calls after you all as you get into the car and wave her goodbye leaving.

The drive home tired Izzy out, or maybe it’s just the change of settings again. Whatever it is, she can barely stay awake until dinner, so once her tummy is filled Harry decides to put her to sleep early.

Izzy asks Harry to lie in bed with her as he reads her a bedtime story, she is extra clingy now that she is back with her daddy, but Harry is enjoying having his little one back so he doesn’t mind it. Izzy snuggles to his side, playing with the ears of the bunny she chose to sleep with tonight as she listens to his steady, smooth voice talk her to sleep.

“Daddy?” she asks quietly, already half asleep.

“Yes, baby?”

“Are you going to marry Y/N?”

The question catches him off-guard, he was definitely not expecting it especially since Izzy hasn’t even seen the two of you kiss yet.

“Why are you asking?”

“My new friend, Loretta from the park told me that if a boy and a girl live together they are probably in love and want to get married.”

“Loretta seems to know a lot about adult stuff,” Harry chuckles softly. “Well, it doesn’t exactly work like that, Iz. But… would you be happy if I told you Y/N is now my girlfriend?” he asks, feeling a little nervous, as if Izzy’s word on the question could destroy any possible future between the two of you. She stays silent for a few seconds and Harry starts to think she has fallen asleep, but then she finally speaks up again.

“Did you kiss her?” she asks and Harry can’t push down a soft chuckle. Izzy’s idea of relationships probably doesn’t go further than kissing and holding hands so this is how she is trying to put the picture together in her head.

“I did, yes.”

“Oh!” she exclaims. “I like Y/N.”

“Well, I like her too.”

“She can be your girlfriend,” she then replies, giving her blessing. “Are you going to get married?”

“Um, not for a while, no. But… it could happen if things go right,” he chews on his bottom lip, he is definitely not in the phase of thinking about marriage yet, not just because you barely just became an official couple, but that would be a huge step in his way of processing the end of his last one.

“Okay,” Izzy simply nods and that brings the end of the discussion. Harry has been a little nervous to have this talk with Izzy, he was afraid she might get a little confused about the idea of him having a girlfriend and the thought of her mother, but she seemingly didn’t even bring Maggie into her train of thoughts. Luckily.

When Izzy is finally asleep he closes the door and makes his way downstairs where you’re lying on the couch, watching the rerun of the news. You smile up at him upon his arrival and as he joins you on the couch, he is quick to pull you into his arms, making you snuggle into his embrace.

“I just told Izzy that you are my girlfriend,” he confesses and you lift your head up, not even trying to hide your surprised expression.

“Really? And what did she say?”

“Well, she asked if we are getting married,” he tells you chuckling shortly. “I told her that we shouldn’t get that far ahead. But she basically gave her blessing. She said she likes you.”

“Well I was hoping she doesn’t hate my guts after spending almost every day with me,” you chuckle, making him smile too. “But I’m happy she likes the idea of us.”

“Yeah, me too,” Harry nods before pulling you closer for a sweet, innocent kiss.

You finally get around to have that double date with Heather and Niall one month into your relationship. Harry’s weekends have been a little busy these past weeks, he had to go into the office on a few Saturdays, but now he has finally finished a huge project he has been working on so he can actually take some time off.

Ruth comes over to look after Izzy that evening and she keeps looking at you and Harry like a proud grandparent whenever she sees the two of you interact as a couple. Little touches and kisses have been more regular around home ever since Harry told Izzy that you are together. So far, she’s been handling it really well, she doesn’t seem to be confused about you and her mother and it might be because Harry has had a talk with her recently about her mother and where she really is now. His therapist suggested to be open about it with her as early as possible, and though she doesn’t seem to completely understand the idea of life and death just yet, she has definitely started to put the picture together in her head.

You’ve been spending all your nights at Harry’s room, so by now your bedroom is more like an office space for you and a storage for all your stuff, a place where you can be alone whenever you have some editing to do or just simply need some time on your own. Luckily, Harry totally understands the feeling of needing some space, he has his own limits as well and the two of you have been trying your best to coordinate around these lines when it comes to your relationship. After all, it’s been a pretty unusual situation, you were already living together when you became a couple, jumping a few steps in the timeline of a regular relationship.

Just as you were expecting it, Niall and Heather hit it off quite fast upon meeting at the dinner. Niall is in awe of Heather’s confidence and raw sense of humor that matches perfectly with his, while Heather finds him entertaining and somewhat like a challenge, since you honestly told her about Niall’s reputation as a womanizer, but it’s not something that could scare her away.

“He is cute, desperately wants to prove how good he is doing on his own, but I think that’s just a façade,” Heather tells you when you ask her about her date in the restroom. She fixes up her lipstick, staring at herself in the floor to ceiling mirror.

“So you think you want to see him again?”

“I’m not gonna run after him, if he asks for my number I’ll give it to him. But if he doesn’t, I won’t let him see my disappointment.”

“And what if he asks you to go home with him tonight?” you ask, feeling like teenagers gossiping in the girls restroom between classes. Heather smirks at you through the mirror before turning to face you.

“Oh, I’m not going home with him. That would bruise his ego so badly he won’t be able to think about anything else.”

You stare back at her stunned from how big of a genius she is. You would have never schemed like this when it came to men, but yet again, you never really needed to. Before Harry you were busy with Keith and that relationship came so easily to you. There were never really games, it took you about three weeks to get together. But Heather is a player and a very good one, apparently.

“You two look cute, by the way,” she smiles at you quickly washing her hands before the two of you head out, back to the table.

“Thanks,” you blush, eyes finding the guys sitting right where you left them.

After dinner you decide to stay for a few drinks at the bar a corner away and it’s been so long since the last time you were out just having fun, enjoying some time with good friends. If someone told you a few months ago that you’d be sitting here, sipping on a cocktail with Harry who is now your boyfriend, you would have laughed hysterically.

When Harry reaches for you thigh under the table, resting his palm on it, giving it a gentle squeeze just as a sweet gesture, you glance at him and he smiles at you as his eyes meet your gaze. It’s the first time you actually feel like any other couples. Having a nice evening with your friends, touching each other, holding hands, simply living in the moment knowing well that going home he will probably sneak into Izzy’s room, pressing a kiss to her forehead before joining you in bed, falling asleep with his arms curled around your figure.

It’s no surprise when Niall invited Heather over his place for another drink at the end of the night and you can barely hold your smirk back when she refuses and his face completely falls, especially because he was so confident in himself, the evening went well and he was probably sure she would say yes. Instead, she grabs herself a taxi and heads home upon parting ways. Niall is shocked, but he is quick to ask for Heather’s number from you before you say goodbye and you happily give it to him.

On the way home you think about how weird it is that you are still basically working for him. It’s not that you mind being the one who is looking after Izzy, it doesn’t even feel like a job, she has grown so close to you. It’s about getting paid for it when you’re Harry’s girlfriend and even though you know how untraditional everything has been with the two of you, now might be the time to make a change.

Harry checks up on Izzy while you get ready to bed and he joins you under the covers soon. Your thoughts about your possible quitting keep racing in your head and you decide to bring it up, just to see how he sees the situation.

“H?” you softly ask while he is checking a few things on his phone, propped up against the headboard.

“Yeah?” he glances at you, letting you know he is listening.

“Don’t you think it’s weird I’m still working for you?”

He stops and locking his phone he puts it to the nightstand to fully focus on the conversation. He just stares at you for a few seconds before knitting his eyebrows together, that crease between them making an appearance and you fight the urge to smooth it out with your finger.

“You don’t like taking care of her anymore?” Your stomach drops at the way he interpreted your question, because it’s not at all the situation.

“Harry, I love taking care of her!” you smile at him softly and can see the relief in his eyes. “It’s just a little weird that you’re paying me to be with her. I would do it for free,” you explain, hoping he now gets the whole picture.

“Oh!”

“Are you… Are you planning for the long run? With us?”

“Of course,” he nods and now you’re the one relieved at how naturally the answer came to him.

“Then maybe we should look for a solution that doesn’t make me feel like I’m a kept house woman,” you chuckle softly and a small smile tugs on his lips as well.

“What were you thinking about?” Sighing you bite into your bottom lip, not sure what he’ll think about the idea that came to you.

“I’ve been getting a lot of requests for photoshoots. I thought that maybe I could take two more days out of the week to work on them and stay home with Izzy for the rest of them. We could look for a nanny for those days. They wouldn’t have to move in, because I would be home by three probably. I think… I think it could work pretty well.”

Harry takes a few moments to think it through and you know he has to be considerate, the only reason he was so quick to hire you was because Izzy already knew and loved you. Bringing a stranger into the picture is a big change and everyone has to be fine with it to make it work.

“Would that make you happy? Staying home for half of the week with Izzy? I wouldn’t want to ask you to sacrifice your time for her… for us, if it doesn’t benefit you.”

For a few moments you’re just processing his words, but then you finally understand what he meant by that. He is thinking you might take it as if he is using you to take care of his daughter and he doesn’t want you to take responsibility for her if it’s not what you really want. But you see being in Izzy’s life as a privilege, you haven’t truly processed it yourself, but you start to look at her as your own daughter. Having spent the majority of your days with her these past months, it was inevitable to grow so fond of her.

Scooting closer to him you cup his face in your hands as you smile down at him softly, his green irises filled with worry and doubts, probably thinking that he is doing something wrong again, but he is not. He needs to have more trust in himself.

“I would love it, Harry. I love spending time with her and… with you,” you admit and there’s one thing that you’re aching to add.

And I love you.

But you keep that one back, not sure if he is ready to hear it just yet. It’s still so early in your relationship, and it might feel like a bomb if you just dropped it on him. You need to be a little more patient before taking this next step.

Bringing his arms around you he pulls you to his chest, a deep but happy sigh leaving through his nose as he kisses into your hair. Nothing else is said, but no words are needed. It’s been settled that you both are planning for the long run together and you’ll start to alter your life to make it fit into the picture.

You don’t jump into it right away, but a few weeks after the discussion you had about hiring a new nanny, you take the first step. Ruth agrees to cover one day every week, Fridays, so you can have it off for your sessions. Summer brings a lot of events and occasions and your calendar has been getting busier as your circle of customers has been growing lately. Though Ruth is more than happy to spend some more time with Izzy, you all know she won’t be able to do it too long, you need to find someone at last by the end of the summer.

Harry would never admit, but he is very anxious about bringing a new person into Izzy’s life. He is not the toxic kind of parent who wouldn’t let anyone get near his daughter, but he surely is considerate about who he lets to take care of her and it’s understandable.

On an afternoon spent at the park you are chatting with Ava, Yara’s mom when she mentions a nanny agency they’ve tried out before and had a really good experience.

“They hire people with at least three years of experience and many of their nannies have a degree in some kind of field in connection with child care. We had a nice girl from Russia watch after Yara, she is a primary school teacher but she moved here with her boyfriend for a year. She was amazing, really. Yara loved her, Saige and I loved her, it was a good match.”

She gives you a phone number and later that day you look up the agency, presenting the idea to Harry, who seems interested, but a little hesitant.

“We could still have an interview with them, right? Or I would have to just choose someone from the website like from a catalogue?” he voices his concern as the two of you lie in bed with your laptop propped against your thighs.

“I’m sure we can have an interview,” you smile at him.

Harry just nods, ergo he doesn’t reject the idea, but you can tell he has quite a few doubts about it, but there’s not much you can do.

In the course of three weeks you and Harry have five interviews with nannies that the agency sent and at the end of the day, Harry finds something wrong with all of them, even though they are only minor things.

“You rule out people for the tiniest things, Harry,” you sigh after the fifth interview with a kind middle-aged woman, Kaitlyn. “Based on these interviews you wouldn’t have hired me back in the days,” you joke.

“You know it was different with you,” he points it out and you just nod. He has told you so many times how you were just the perfect fit which is very charming, but it doesn’t help the situation on hand right now.

That evening, when you’re lying in bed, reading, while Harry checks up on Izzy one last time, you see that something is on his chest when he walks in and as soon as he is under the covers next to you, but you don’t ask him, instead just wait for him to bring it up himself.

“Y/N, I’m sorry for being such a pain in the ass about the whole nanny thing,” he sighs tiredly. Closing your book you place it on the nightstand before turning to face him fully.

“You’re not a pain in the ass, just very careful and maybe a little picky,” you add with a soft chuckle.

“Do you think I should be the one staying home with her?”

“Most kids spend the majority of their days separated from their parents in daycare, kindergarten or preschool. It’s not a crime that you are not a stay at home dad, not many like to do that or even fit for that role,” you shrug and it’s your genuine opinion. Just because parents don’t devote one hundred percent of their life to their children, it doesn’t make them bad. Parents deserve to be selfish sometimes.

“I just… I can get so into my head about everything I do wrong,” he sighs, closing his eyes and he seem so tired all of a sudden, like he has been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Brushing his hair out of his forehead you kiss him gently before his eyes open again.

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Harry. Believe me, Izzy is having the best childhood she could ever wish for. She is secure, loved and taken care of. Everything is going well.” He doesn’t answer, just nods as his arms wrap around you, pulling you to his chest and you gladly snuggle into his embrace.

That evening it felt like Harry was shifting in the right direction, but you can never know what really goes on in someone’s head and you couldn’t see what was coming.

A few days later another candidate comes for an interview, you, Harry and the young girl called Rachel sit outside at the terrace as Harry goes through the same questions he asked every other applicant while Izzy is playing around the swing set.

Rachel just finished her bachelor’s and is now taking a gap year before moving back to her hometown to work at her father’s law firm. She grew up with three younger sisters and took care of them most of the time to help her parents out who worked a lot. She is nice, very well educated and it’s clear she is great with children. Yet again, when you glance at Harry you don’t see him as satisfied as you are and you already know he is going to find something against her.

“Alright, so what is it this time?” you sigh once Rachel is gone and you can finally talk openly about her.

“She basically doesn’t have any official knowledge about kids, she just grew up with kids, that doesn’t qualify her as a professional.”

“Raising children is the best knowledge you can get, Harry,” you argue, feeling a little impatient this time. Rachel is perfect for the job, but any other applicants would have been fine too. You’re running out of time and Ruth won’t be able to help much longer.

“I would just be a lot more comfortable if it was a professional staying home with my daughter,” he answers, marching into the kitchen and you follow him.

“There were plenty of professionals between the previous ones as well. You are ruling everyone out!”

“I’m not ruling them out, I’m just trying to make the best decision for my child!”

“By being absolutely insatiable?!”

“Why is it so bad that I want the best choice?” he growls throwing his hands into the air.

“It’s not, but the best choice is not always one without any flaws, Harry,” you point it out, hoping he gets what you’re talking about.

“But I want this to be flawless!” he snaps and you can see that he has lost his patience at this point, but so did you. “I’m not settling for less than what I want, Y/N!”

“So then what? You lied when we talked about all of this? Because without a replacement, I can’t start working more!”

“I didn’t fucking lie, I’m just asking for more time!”

“Well it seems like you just want to push me into changing my mind about switching jobs and eventually say that I’m staying home, taking the blame off of you!”

“I’m not pushing you into anything, Y/N. We still have time until the end of summer, I just want to find the perfect person, give me some time!”

“Harry, there won’t be a perfect person!” you raise your voice, done with running the same circles at this point. “Any of the previous applicants would have taken good care of Izzy, why are you ignoring it?!”

“Stop telling me what to do when it comes to Izzy!” he then snaps, his voice beaming through the room, taking you by surprise. But what he says after this is what really hits you hard in the chest. “She is my daughter, not yours!”

Part of you knows he didn’t mean it the way it came out. Like you had absolutely no relations to Izzy, like you weren’t partially raising her way before you got together with Harry. You can see that it just slipped out in the heat of the moment, but your anger is making you selfish and not care about that anymore. His words hurt and you’ve stopped making excuses for him.

“Yeah, you’re right. Why am I still even here?” you calmly ask before simply turning around and heading out.

The calm but warning tone snaps him out and he is quick to realize he has crossed a line. He launches after you and almost catches you in the hallway when Izzy runs inside, calling out for him.

“Daddy! Daddy!”

Harry stops and turns around to see if she is alright and it gives you just enough time to escape. You rush out of the house and throw yourself into your car, igniting it and driving away as Harry shows up at the front door, calling after you, but you ignore it, making your way to your mom’s. You need a familiar place to calm yourself down at.

Harry tries to call you several times, and though the first few times it rings out, you send his calls to voicemail almost immediately after a while.

“Damn it,” he growls after another failed attempt to reach you. It’s been almost an hour since you stormed out and he is losing his mind, not knowing where you are, especially after what he said.

He regretted it the moment the words fell from his lips, but he knew it was too late. He let his anger bring the worst out of him and it all crashed down on you when you didn’t deserve any of it. Harry knows you’re right, he’s been trying to find something bad about every applicant because… part of him thinks that he is a bad father for not being the one taking care of Izzy all the time. If it wasn’t enough already, he’s been feeling like a failure for years… ever since he lost his wife because he wasn’t ready to commit more time for his family. He’s been dealing with the thought of being the worst father for so long, sometimes he convinces himself it’s the truth.

If I was ready for another baby, Maggie wouldn’t have had to die. If I put my family first, she would still be alive, he tells himself often when he is feeling the darkness clouding over his mind. Little does he know that it’s all just in his head. It doesn’t make him a bad father that he wanted to wait a little longer before having another baby. He never put his work above his family, he was always there when he was needed and made sure his loved ones are safe and taken care of. Never in his life did he ever put his work before Izzy or Maggie or anyone in his life he cared about.

But sometimes, your mind can play dirty tricks on you. And Harry fell for them.

As time is passing by he is growing more and more anxious when he doesn’t hear from you. No calls, no texts, he has no idea where you went or when you’re coming back. Sitting on the edge of the bed he stares out the window blankly before his eyes wander to the side where you usually sleep and it hits him hard when he realizes how eerily similar the situation is.

Following a fight his lover runs away, doesn’t answer his calls and he can’t get a hold of her. It’s like history is repeating itself all over again and as realization creeps up his spine, his throat tightens and he gasps, tears flooding into his eyes. With shaky hands he grabs his phone and dials Niall’s number, hoping he is not out somewhere at a bar, ignoring his phone.

“What’s up?” he answers the phone delightfully.

“Call Heather now and ask if she knows Y/N’s mom’s address,” he snaps immediately frantically.

“Woah, what happened?”

“Niall! Just do what I asked!” he barks and ends the call, giving his friend the chance to obey. Luckily, Niall feels the seriousness of the situation and does as Harry asked. A few minutes later a text arrives to Harry’s phone with the address.

Putting Izzy into the car he speeds down the streets to Gemma’s house who is shocked to see her brother in this state, but she doesn’t have the chance to ask anything as Harry drops Izzy off and asks her to watch her for the night.

“Okay, yeah, but—“

“Not now, Gemma!” he calls back, already running back to his car, heading to your mother’s house where you sought comfort following the fight.

“Not that I don’t like having you here, but you really should go home and talk it out.” Trevor joins you outside where you’ve been sitting on the steps of the terrace, staring out into the darkening sky. It’s been a few hours since you basically ran away from home and Harry has been blowing your phone up so you put it into airplane mode, sending all his calls to voicemail until you feel like dealing with him.

Trevor sits beside you, his long legs coming up closer to his chest as he sits the same way as you, his arms hug his knees.

“I know, I just… I’m a little tired,” you mumble.

“You don’t have to discuss it, but Harry would want you home for the night, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” you nod breathing out. “Do you think I overreacted?” you ask him, feeling unsure about the way you acted. Was it too much? Did you have the right to do it? You’re not so sure about it anymore.

“Well, he didn’t lie about Izzy not being your daughter,” Trevor huffs. “Though he could have handled the situation better. I get it that he just wants what’s best for her, but you were right too.”

Sitting in silence Trevor doesn’t try to convince you to apologize or keep holding a grudge. He just lets you figure it out all by yourself.

Not long later you go back inside and grabbing your phone from the dining table you decide to turn it back on, missed calls and texts flooding the device, but for your biggest surprise, not just from Harry.

Heather: Niall just called me to get your mom’s address urgently, everything alright?!

“Oh shit,” you gasp, typing a quick reply to assure her that you’re fine and then you open Harry’s text seeing how frantic he grew over time and you realize what it must feel like to him. The situation is way too similar to the way he lost Maggie and though you didn’t mean to hurt him by putting him through it again, it’s already too late.

Just as you are about to call him to let him know you’re fine a car pulls up on the drive way and you know it’s him. You rush out the front door the moment he jumps out of the car, eyes wide, chest heaving as he finally lays his eyes on you.

“Oh my God!” he breaks down in tears as you smash against him, wrapping him in your arms, he does the same, his strong arms circling around your waist tightly as he sobs into your chest painfully.

“I’m fine, everything is alright. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for running away like that,” you mumble, kissing the side of his head, holding him for dear life.

“I was so scared it happened again!” he whimpers, his whole body shaking. You slowly start pulling him until you reach the little front porch where there is a small bench kept next to the front door. You sit and pull him with yourself, he doesn’t even loosens his hold around you, as if you would turn to dust if he lets go of you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through,” you hum, fingers combing through his hair as you try to calm him down. He is still shaking, but his sobs are starting to die down finally, his hands still fisting your shirt at your waist.

“No, I’m sorry for being such a dick. I didn’t mean it. You are doing so much for Izzy and I, I don’t know what I would do without you!” he whimpers and when he finally lifts his head up, your heart breaks at the painful look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You were right about everything! Please forgive me!”

“Oh Harry,” you breathe out, the tears already welling in your eyes as you brush his messy curls out of his forehead.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you, what I said was bullshit! Please forgive me, I can’t… I don’t want to lose you, Y/N,” he stutters with one breath and then he adds: “I love you.”

Your lips part as you stare back at him in total awe at his sudden confession. Though it’s been an emotional ride, you weren’t expecting him to drop this bomb on you. A smile cracks on lips as you cup his face in your hands, feeling a hot tear rolling down your cheek.

“I love you too, Harry,” you answer, both of you letting out a relieved chuckle as he finally presses his lips to yours. His kiss tastes salty from both your tears, it’s needy and a little uncoordinated, but it means the world to you at this moment.

Sitting on the little bench you finally talk everything out once you both calm down enough to speak. Harry admits that he’s been so picky about the nannies because he is still struggling to be the best father he can and is reminded of being alone in this every time he faces a struggle. It constantly reminds him that he is supposed to have his partner with him, solving everything together, but now he is on his own and has to provide the best possible life for Izzy.

“Harry… you’re not alone,” you breathe out, heart aching for the man you love with everything in you. “And I’m not only talking about myself. Your mom, Gemma, Niall, even Saige, Ava and Linda are always happy to help you out with everything. If Maggie was still here, it wouldn’t be just the two of you. Raising a child needs a whole village,” you chuckle softly. “But if you want a partner in it… I’m here. And I really mean it. I see a future with you, I want to be part of your family, of course, only if you let me.” Reaching over your hand finds his on his lap and you squeeze it gently as he looks at you, his expression still a little torn, but it’s not as painful as it was when he arrived.

“I would love to have you be part of my family, Y/N.”

It’s like a rock is lifted off your chest upon hearing his reassuring words. This is all you ever wanted, have a partner in life who is willing to build a future together with you and Harry is offering you just that.

You stay on that old little bench for so long, you don’t even realize how late it has gotten, only when your mom shows up at the door, wearing her nightgown and a fluffy robe.

“Don’t want to bother, but do you want to spend the night? Just asking if I should get you some extra pillows and blankets…”

“Oh! Um, no. We are going home, but thank you mom,” you smile tiredly, noticing it’s nearing midnight now.

Harry stands from next to you and as he steps to your mother you realize they haven’t even met. Harry stands tall in front of your mom, but you notice the nervous flash in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even have the time to introduce myself,” he mumbles with a nervous chuckle. Your mom blushes, most likely finding your boyfriend quite handsome though you already showed pictures of him to her. “I’m Harry,” he says, holding out a hand.

“Oh, no worries! I’m Tina!” she smiles charmingly as they shake hands.

“Nice to meet you, Tina.”

“I know we should have probably had a better introduction, but we’ll come around some other time under better circumstances,” you chuckle softly as you stand up from the bench too.

You say goodbye to Trevor and your mom and finally head home. Harry tries to convince you to ride back in his car, but you don’t want to leave yours here, so you tell him it’s going to be fine. Both of you arrive in one piece and you only realize that Izzy is nowhere to be found when you walk into the house.

“Dropped her off at Gemma’s. I’ll have to explain a lot of things to my sister tomorrow, but it can wait,” he chuckles softly before his hands reach out to you, grabbing your waist gently as he pulls you closer to him. “I’m so sorry for tonight, Y/N.”

“Hey, we agreed that no more apologizing,” you remind him of the deal you made earlier. “It’s all in the past.”

Harry nods, huffing through his nose before leaning down he kisses you softly, as if you were some kind of fragile artwork that needs to be handled with so much care.

“I love you,” he whispers against your lips, his eyes barely open under his thick lashes.

“I love you too,” you smile back, your hands coming to rest at the base of his neck.

“I will never get tired of hearing that,” he chuckles lowly, making you laugh too.

“Good, because I’ll be saying it a lot.”

“Perfect.”

“Stop picking on your lip!” you warn Harry when you catch him fidgeting with his bottom lip. He wouldn’t admit, but he is surely nervous as the two of you are waiting for Izzy to join you downstairs. She just got home from the zoo with Gemma, they had an amazing day together, but it had a purpose. You needed her to be looked after while you went to the doctor. It was your first ultrasound since the time you went to see if you’re really pregnant or the tests just fooled you, but it was one hundred percent legit. You were indeed pregnant.

You and Harry got married a few weeks before Izzy turned six. She was the cutest little flower girl in the small ceremony held at the backyard of your own home. Both of you agreed that you don’t want anything big and flashy, just an intimate little wedding with your close family and friends. It’s been two months of being husband and wife and it’s almost completely sure the little baby growing now in your tummy was conceived on your wedding night…

You’ve been keeping it a secret, wanting to tell Izzy first before sharing the news with your friends and family.

“Do you want to talk first or do I do it?” Harry asks in a whisper, as if Izzy could hear anything from upstairs.

“I have a feeling you wouldn’t be able to get a word out so I’ll take the lead, if you don’t mind,” you chuckle softly and Harry doesn’t argue.

He has been such a nerve wreck thinking about telling Izzy that she is going to be a big sister. These past years she has dealt so well with processing everything about the situation with her mom, you and the idea of her dad having a new wife. You felt like she was a little confused at the beginning, but once you had an actual, mature talk with her, answered all her questions, you could see things shift to place in that cute little head of hers. Now she knows what it means that her mom passed and how you came into the picture. This is why you have no doubt she’ll take the news well, but Harry is still afraid she might flip.

Little feet tap against the floor somewhere upstairs and then Izzy runs down the stairs, joining you at the dining table.

“What’s the surprise?” she asks in excitement. You told her you have a surprise for her when she arrived and now she is pumped for whatever is coming.

“Izzy, you know how Zac has a little brother, right?” you ask, smoothly starting the discussion.

“Yes! His name is Jeremy!”

“Yeah. So Jeremy is a little younger than Zac, they are siblings. Zac’s parents wanted to have more than just one kids and so they decided to have Jeremy.”

“Mrs. Rumbald had him in her belly!” she explains cleverly. The topic of babies has already came up earlier, so now she has an idea of what really happens when a couple decides to have a baby.

“Exactly,” you nod smiling. “You know how your daddy and I are now married, right? We talked about what it meant.” Izzy nods, glancing at her father who is sitting beside you, sweating his balls off even though it’s going smoothly. “Married couples often decide to have babies. This is what your dad and I did too and now there is a baby in my belly too. That means that you’re going to have a little brother or sister soon.”

Izzy blinks a few times, processing your words before her face lights up with excitement as she gasps.

“Can I play with her?” she asks, making you and Harry laugh.

“Might be a boy, baby,” Harry chimes in.

“Okay, then can I play with him or her?” she corrects herself.

“Well, you have to be careful with newborn babies, but I’m sure she or he will love to play with you!”

“What’s it gonna be called?” she asks her next question.

“We don’t know that yet. But you can suggest names if you want to,” Harry offers.

“Can it be Elsa if it’s a girl?” she immediately suggests and you smile at her first thought. Of course she says Elsa, she is going through her mandatory Frozen obsession like every other kid at her age.

“We’ll put it on the list,” you tell her. “Do you want to see a picture of the baby?”

“You can take pictures of the inside of your belly?” she asks with a confused look.

“Well, not with a camera like the ones I use,” you explain as you place the black and white, messy picture of the tiny baby in front of her. She grabs it and starts inspecting it as if it was some kind of puzzle and you can tell she is having a hard time making out where the actual baby is. “That’s right there. It’s still tiny and has to grow a lot,” you tell her, pointing at the right splotch in the picture.

“Can I keep this picture?” she asks smiling up at you sweetly. “I want to put it to my wall!”

A while ago Harry has gotten her a huge frame right above her bed that has wires running across it with tiny clips attached. You’ve gifted her her favorite polaroids from your stack you’ve collected through the years, most of them featuring the three of you. It’s touching to know that she wants her little sibling there already.

“Of course!” you breathe out, touched by the idea.

You follow her up into her room and while she stands on the bed, you put the sonogram next to a photo that was taken of her and Harry on her sixth birthday.

“Can I tell my friends at school that I’m going to have a brother or sister?” she asks, still standing on the bed so now she is almost as tall as you are.

“Um…” glancing over at the door your eyes meet Harry’s who just shrugs, letting you know it’s up to you. “I guess you can, yes.”

“Thank you!” she beams, throwing her little arms around your neck as she hugs you tight and you return it gladly. “Can I watch some TV, please?” she asks with an angelic look she knows you can never resist.

“Yeah, but only for an hour,” you tell her as she jumps in victory before climbing off the bed. Running to the door she gives Harry a hug before disappearing down the hallway. Harry walks in, a proud and soft smile tugging on his lips as he steps to you, his hands finding your waist. He pulls you against his hard chest, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“This went well, right?” he asks.

“Yeah, you were such a big help, sitting there in silence,” you chuckle teasing him.

“But you handled it so good, baby. I didn’t want to interrupt,” he smirks and you just roll your eyes at him before circling your arms around his neck.

“Uh-huh, sure,” you smirk. “So… are you ready to be a daddy again?” you ask him with a shy smile.

“Technically, I never stopped being a daddy,” he points out. “The real question is, are you ready to become a mommy?” he asks turning it back to you.

“I’m… a little nervous, but very excited. I think I’m ready,” you nod smiling.

“Don’t worry, it’s gonna be alright,” he hums, kissing into your hair.

“Wow, when did you become the emotional support in this relationship?” you tease him and he just rolls his eyes.

“Learned from the best,” he nudges his nose against yours before kissing you softly. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” you smile against his lips, thinking about how long the two of you have become since you first met and you are happy you got to be the person who taught Harry how to love and be loved again.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream]

Opposites attract (Paul Lahote x Reader) Chapter 4

Warnings: Swearing?

Word Count: 1.7k

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Life had a round about way of giving you what you had longed for all along.

You had spoke to Paul for hours up on the mountain side, the world around you quiet as the only thing you could focus on was him. You sat side by side, invisible sparks crackling between warm skin as he told you everything there was to know about your new found wolfiness. He reassured you that even though you were mates, it didn’t mean you had to feel pressured into anything, an imprint was there to be anything for their other half, a friend, a lover.. You shivered at the sound of being Paul Lahote’s lover, you had to stop yourself from pinching yourself a few times.

It was dark by the time you made the descent down the frosty mountain, in normal circumstances you would have most likely died of hypothermia by now, but as you’d established, life was anything but normal.

You were laughing at something Paul had said when you heard a twig snap in the distance, it caught Pauls attention to, he tensed, pushing you behind him. Your face scrunched against his back as a foul smell invaded your senses and that’s when it happened.

A flash of red hair was all it took for your body to start quivering.

—————————————————————————---------------

“So that was a vampire?” You were changing back into clothing, your other stuff shredded in the shift. “I thought they would look… less human?” Your nose scrunched up when you thought about the vampire stench that came off the one they called Victoria.

You looked towards Paul who was tense with a capital T. He was mad that he didn’t sense her approach sooner, hating the fact that you were newly shifted and still had much to learn about being a wolf. What if something had happened to you? Luckily the red headed vamp disappeared when you and Paul started chasing her, the pack had followed behind in a second, your link alerting them to the threat nearby.

You walked closer to him, scared that he might be too angry. His back was rippling and his muscles tensed. Your small warm hand reached up to touch the space between his shoulder blades and it was like magic. In an instant he relaxed as invisible electrical current crackled between your skin.

He turned slowly and looked down at you, his gaze warm and calm when he looked into your eyes. He took your hand and pulled you into him, your bodies colliding in a much needed embrace, his chin resting on the top of your head. You sighed and snuggled your face into his toned chest as his arms came around you like a cocoon of safety.

“Yes Y/N, that, was a vampire. The only reason she’s here is because of the fucking Cullens and their pet project.” You felt his jaw tense on the top of your head, your hands rubbing small circles on the lower part of his back.

“What do you mean their pet project?” You hadn’t found out about Bella yet and her involvement with the Cullens. Vampires were your natural enemy now, but some part of you still found it romantic that a blood sucking demon fell in love with a human. A human that you didn’t really know, had only met in passing when she was little and used to visit the Blacks. Since then, you’d never seen her again, but by the sounds of things, you’d be seeing her very soon.

Sam had agreed to helping the Cullens. The pack had a treaty with them but it was unheard of for Wolves and Vampires to help each other, at least that’s what you were told anyway, you were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that when you got angry a bushy tail would maybe appear.

Alice, one of the Cullens, could see the future? Honestly things were still feeling like a dream. Anyway, she could see the future and had a vision of a big bad newborn vampire army appearing from the watery depths below and invading forks. Naturally the Cullens would have handled it on their own if they could, but the numbers predicted were too many and they needed help. That’s where you guys came in. They would never see you coming.

“So were going to learn how to fight these newborns?” Paul had sat down while giving you the lowdown, his arms never leaving your waist, he just plopped you on his knee instead. You felt him tense again.

“Paul if you tense anymore you’re going to break a bone.” Your fingers found the back of his head, playing with and twisting the dark hair at the nape of his neck.

“You’re not going to learn to fight anything.” That made you halt your finger twirling. You looked at him with a scowl and he raised an eyebrow as if saying “try me.”

“Im a wolf like the rest of you now, just because i’m your soulmate doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know how to defend myself or learn how to.. you know… be a frikin wolf! What if you weren’t around and some vampire came about and boom, Y/N doesn’t know how to defend herself, then what?” You stood up from his lap, pacing slightly in front of him.

“I’ll never leave your side so you don’t have to worry about that babe.” That made your heart flutter but also angered you at the same time.

“As much as I love that Paul, it’s not realistic, what if Sam sends me off with other members of the pack or what if something comes up and you’re just not around? You can’t guarantee that you’ll always be around.” You watched Paul huff. Actually huff life a child would when they were told off.

“Awh come on you big baby, i’ll be fine!” You were interrupted by Sam and Emily coming through the door, Quil, Embry and Jake following behind, Leah coming in seconds after the rest.

“Who’s fine where, what?” Leah grabbed a cookie from a bowl Emily put out, she still want gotten over the feeling of betrayal when Sam left her to go to Emily, but you thought you saw a glimpse of… something there. Maybe she was getting used to being around them and the guys more. You’d like to think it would help now that you’d be around too, she had a confidant, a shoulder to lean on. You’d have to talk to her after, when you were both alone, find out if she was okay with everything going on. It’s not exactly like you could help it, but still, you wouldn’t be a good friend if you didn’t at least check in.

“Nothing, Paul is just worried about me learning to fight with the rest of you guys, you know, for the big, impending doom of the vampire army.” Sam frowned.

“I have to admit, I kinda agree with Paul on this one.” Leah stopped munching on her cookie when Sam finished his sentence. Embry and Quil looked around awkwardly and Jake wasn’t really paying too much attention.

“The training starts in two days and you’ve only just turned for the first time today, it might be too early for you to gain control over your wolf.”

You couldn’t believe Sam was siding with Paul. What the hell was the point of you turning and being chosen to be a Wolf, being told you’d have to give up everything you’d been working towards, for you to then be told you can’t fight and do what the fuck you were designed to now do.

“This is bullshit. I was perfectly fine being a normal girl, studying, working towards something I’d been dreaming of my whole life. Now this happens and you tell me i’m not ready. Whatever.” Leah stood at the same time you did, you heard Paul’s chair scrape back.

“Babe come on, it’s not like that.” You glared at him.

“Then what’s it like Paul, because i’m sure if I was a guy and didn’t have an imprint and the roles were reversed, i’d be training with the rest of you, newly shifted or not.” You grabbed your phone and house keys and made your way to the door, Leah walking beside you, most likely knowing exactly how you felt.

——————————————————————————————————

The next morning you woke to 20 missed calls and 40 texts, mostly from Paul a couple from Sam, one from Emily and even one from Jake. You snorted as you turned over in bed, noticing Leah sprawled out like a starfish, mouth hanging open, hair in every direction. Same old Leah.

You opened the message from Emily, wondering what she would have to say, she wasn’t someone you’d really spoke to before because of the whole love triangle but she seemed nice.

“I spoke to Sam about how unfair it was for you to miss out, all sorted ;)” .. what the hell did that mean?

Then you read the messages from Sam. “Training starts tomorrow at 8am, don’t be late, sorry about what happened the other day, i’m not used to having a pair of imprints in the pack.”

You could see where he was coming from. As the leader it was probably hard to always please everyone and Sam was obviously siding with Paul because he’d been part of his pack longer, friends when they were younger and he knew what it felt like to have the need to protect your mate. Still, they would just have to get used to it.

Leah soon woke and then left, pack duties. You would be put on duties soon enough, but first, you needed training. So that left you with a day of doing nothing, well, that was until you heard a knock on your.. bedroom window?

You grabbed the first thing that was closest to you for protection, a hairdryer. You hadn’t opened your curtains yet so couldn’t see what horror awaited, what if that red headed vamp followed you, but wait, wouldn’t you smell her? Or are your abilities not heightened enough yet? You got closer to the window when there was a knock again. The closer you got the happier you felt. Frikin Paul. Curtains pulled back, balcony door opened, your soulmate stumbled through wearing nothing but shorts.

“Babe, you’re a werewolf, were you seriously going to attack me with a hairdryer?"

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[highpope]

Silver Keys - Ch. One

JJ Maybank x oc / Soulmate AU / Topper x oc

warnings: none, if there are any let me know!

Word Count: 2k ish

Notes: Hi guys, sorry this is so long overdue. I was fighting with this one. But i really wanted to update this story. It’s not my fave but that’s okay. ** As always, reblogs and feedback is welcome and appreciated. 

Masterlist - READ PROLOGUE FIRST :))

June sat at the piano she got for her 16th birthday. She had been saving up for years and finally had enough money for a keyboard. It wasn’t the same as the beautiful grand piano at her instructors, but it did the job. June nervously watched the clock tick down to midnight and tried to focus on the song she was trying to learn. If she came into lessons next week without having learned at least half of it she wouldn’t be on track to play at the recital in a few weeks. It was a big deal to her parents, and June too. The recital was on the mainland with tons of different kids from the surrounding areas. June had never gotten an opportunity to play and she wasn’t about to let worrying about her potential soulmate stop her. 

She took a deep breath and began to play. As the minutes turned to seconds, June was gracefully gliding her fingers up and down the keyboard, trying to make sense of the melodies, allowing the notes to soak into the room. 

On the morning of her birthday, June walked down the stairs into the kitchen to see a note and a box of donuts. It was Saturday, meaning both her parents were working and Olivia, her sister, was going to be sleeping the day away. June grabbed a powder sugar donut from the box and read the note: 

Happy Birthday, Love! We can’t wait to celebrate with you tonight. 

Have fun today, Mom and Dad

She smiles and folds the note up. June was just about to grab another donut when the doorbell rang. She looked at the time, 9:30. There’s no way any family member would be stopping by and Olivia’s friends wouldn’t show up unannounced. June opens the door to reveal JJ dressed in shorts and a light long sleeve t-shirt. 

“Happy birthday Ju Ju!” JJ exclaims.

June rolled her eyes, “God, please don’t call me that.” She opened the door wide to let him in. The nickname originated from June’s younger sister. They were five years apart and she couldn’t properly say June’s name for quite a while. So from ages 5 to 8, she was Ju Ju. 

“Nah, I think 18 is the year we bring it back,” JJ said, slinging his arm around her shoulders. 

“Absolutely not,” June says, tapping his cheek lightly, “Thanks though.” He smiles as she jumps up onto one of the stools in the kitchen, “what’s up?”

“You, miss birthday girl, have very important places to be. Go get dressed.” 

“Where exactly do I have to be?” 

“Well, first, Kie’s and then,” JJ motions like he is zipping his lips and throwing the key away. June narrows her eyes causing him to throw up his hands in defense. 

“Okay, fine, but don’t eat my donuts!” June runs up the stairs and begins to get ready. She decides on a blue tube top, shorts, and a white cropped jacket. She runs a brush through her hair and packs her swimsuit and a few other things in a drawstring before going down the hallway to leave a note for her sister. She tells her where she’s going to be and to call when she gets up. 

JJ and her drive to Kiara’a in his truck, the windows down and the radio stuck on the same channel it’s been on since he got it. They’ve learned to tolerate it. JJ was so proud of the truck when he first showed the pogues. He had gotten a busted down pickup from some guy on the island and fixed it up pretty much by himself. The rest of them promised to never make fun of it. 

“Happy Birthday!” The pogues yell when June opens the door. She can’t contain her laughter. Everyone is wearing pink sparkly party hats. Kie instantly comes over to her, throwing her arms around her neck, “baby is eighteen!” June squeezes back and accepts a hat identical to the rest and hands one to JJ who shuts the door behind them. 

“Looking good, boys.” June laughs at Pope and John B posing in their hats. 

“It’s the required attire didn’t you hear?” John B asks, kissing the top of June's head and Pope slinging an arm around her shoulders. They lead her through the kitchen and the sliding door to the outdoor patio. The lounge chairs are set up along with string lights and a birthday banner. It was perfect. The whole thing, being with her favorite people, the perfect weather. 

“You guys didn’t have to do all of this.” 

“But you deserve it. You’re always the first to do anything for the rest of us,” Pope says. 

“He’s right, Juney,” Kie says, smiling. 

“You’re a bunch of saps,” JJ says plopping into a chair. 

After spending the morning and early afternoon hanging out in Kie’s backyard, the five piled into the van and headed down to the beach. The boys were in the water before June could even set her stuff down. It was arguably not warm enough to swim, but that didn’t stop them. Kie and June decided to layout, occasionally sneaking a few drinks from the water bottle filled with alcohol. 

“So how are you feeling about the whole soulmate thing?” Kie asks, bumping her shoulder against June’s. 

To be honest, June had forgotten all about it. She could barely sleep last night she was so nervous, but now that it could happen whenever, she felt much better.

“Honestly okay.” She admitted.

“Do you think you already know who it is?”

“I mean that happens more often than not, right? Just look at our parents.” Kie’s parents had known each other in high school, having grown up on the island, but didn’t know they were soulmates until later down the line. That happens all the time. Whether or not it’s just coincidence or really is fate, June hadn’t decided yet. 

“I guess you’re right.” She paused before speaking again, “I don’t think I want to already know them. I don’t want to marry someone we went to high school with and be stuck here only for our kids to end up the same way.” Seeing Kiara open up like this made June wonder about her own future. 

“Don’t worry Kie, you’re gonna go somewhere cool like Australia and stop the wildfires and clean the oceans and fall in love with some really hot girl and leave us all behind forever.” 

She moved her sunglasses off her face to hold back her hair, “I could never leave you, but you really think so?”

“Of course. You’re going places. John B, JJ, and I are gonna be stuck here smelling like fish bait until we’re 80.” June gags.

Kiara laughs, making a disgusted face, “what about Pope?” 

“Nah, he’s too good for this place.” They both laugh so hard they don’t even notice the boys had made their way back to where they were laying.

“What’s so funny?” John B asks, shaking out his hair.

“Nothing,” Kie says with a smile on her lips. The boys share a knowing look before dropping it altogether. That’s when June’s phone chimes with a message from her sister. 

Mom said to make sure you were home soon for tonight. We’re almost all set up here.

I guess Aunt Morrane is coming:/

“No,” June groans at the last of Olivia’s message. 

“What’s wrong?” JJ asks, sitting down next to her. 

“My Aunt is coming to dinner tonight.”

“The horror!” John B mocks. 

“Stop! I’m serious. She’s a nutcase.” June replies, throwing a towel at his face. He catches it in one swift motion. 

“Ju it’s gonna be fine.” JJ said reassuringly, “I’ll drop you back off.” 

The pogues only stayed a little while longer before packing up their stuff into the van and parting ways once back at Kiara’s. 

“I won’t have any fun without you,” Kie begged before June got into the truck. 

“You’re gonna be fine.” The rest of the group was going to the first official kegger of the summer. June always missed it. She was sure she would hear all about it tomorrow when she would stop by the chateau with a bunch of water and ibuprofen in the morning to make sure they were all breathing. 

“Hey, thanks, J,” June says when JJ had pulled up in front of her house. 

“No problem,” he starts. June reaches for the door handle, “actually, I got you something.” 

Surprised, June says “You didn’t have to get me anything.” 

He waves her off and reaches into the glove compartment, pulling out a bracelet, “uh. It’s not wrapped or anything.” 

June examines the bracelet, it was a brown braided string with a single pearl threaded in the middle. 

“I love it.” 

“Really?” JJ asks, scrunching up his nose, “because it’s okay if you don’t I just thought-”

“No, no I do. Thank you,” June says and reaches up to kiss his cheek. Just then there is a loud pounding coming from the passenger side window, causing June to startle and drop the bracelet. Both June and JJ lean in to grab it off the floor of the car and smack heads. “Shit, sorry”

“Ow!” 

JJ finally grabs the bracelet and hands it back to her before they are both faced with Aunt Morrane opening the door and practically dragging her out of the truck. 

“You know,” her aunt starts, “darling, everyone is waiting inside.” 

“I’ll just be one second, I promise.” She says flashing a smile to her aunt and pleading eyes to JJ. He tries to hide his laughter. 

Aunt Morrane locks arms with June and begins walking up to their sidewalk, quite literally dragging her by her feet, and begins talking about this show she was watching.

“Happy Birthday, Ju Ju!” JJ yells from the truck. June tries to flip him off as discreetly as possible with her aunt still gripping on to her. 

At the door, her mother engulfs her into a hug, “Happy 18th, love.” 

“Thank you, mama.” 

“Was that JJ? You know he could've come in. We have enough food.”

“It’s okay, Mama, he had plans.” That satisfied her enough as she went to close the door and straight back into the kitchen. June took off her shoes and that’s when she heard it. It only lasted a minute and she couldn’t recite it if she was asked, but it was there. Faint, but clear. Just how Pope had described it. Just how everyone had described it. Her soulmate. 

taglist: @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc (hi im sorry I forgot to tag yall) 

** if you want to be added to the taglist let me know!!

[pbandjesse]

Today could have been so much more annoying then it was. It was actually a pretty good day .Its still early, not 9 yet. But I am basically ready to sleep. I hope it comes easier, but so far this week that has not happened. Fingers crossed. 

I slept alright once I did get to sleep. I woke up around 9 and was confused about James not being here. Because I thought it was wednesday. But it is only tuesday. And so James was at work and I was alone. They had made me a sandwich, which was very nice. I got dressed and felt adorable. I really love my new hair. I washed it for the first time tonight and well have to see what it looks like without all the salon products. But the curls make me feel like a princess, so thats pretty great. 

I had a nice morning though. I had my sandwich and got to work on some bears. I just made two, just to knock them out. Felt good. I am waiting on more dolls eyes but I have plenty to work with in the meantime. It was fun seeing two bears be made at the same time, in the same way, and still coming out so different Just the smallest changes in placement and stuff make such a big difference, and I just think thats cool. 

I would finish those up and play some pokemon until James came home. I am not bringing the switch with me, so James can play it, while Im at my parents house. So I am trying to grind out some of the levels and take lots of pictures. Its very fun, but it does still make me a little nauseous. 

James got back and it was so nice to see them. We talked for a little, but soon I had to leave for work. 

I had high hopes that I wouldnt be the only one there this afternoon but my dreams were dashed. Firstly, my manager got her second covid shot and was so sick. She shouldnt have been there in my opinion.It wasnt fair to her. But there was no one to come in. And Travis called out again. And I was just so mad. Thankfully Mr Chris, who I used to work with, would come around snack time, and that really changed the day for the better. Because the beginning was a lot. 

 The kids were just loud and there were a lot of them. But I tried my best. I came up with a project (about chickens) and tried to keep them occupied. 

When Chris came I felt much more supported. The kids were in general good, though they talked over me a lot. The chicken project came out so cute, and while we had some tears because the littles were sleepy, we had hugs and it was all good. 

I did take them up to the gym to run around. I only brought the soft, gator skin balls, and we ended up playing this very silly game where I sat on the rolling chair and held a hoola hoop and the kindergarteners pulled me around the room. But then it ended up being a bunch of the older ones holding the hoop and running and basically slamming me into walls and honestly it was so fun. I am a little bruised, but it was so cute having the littles run me around the room, and then when the bigger ones made it into an extreme sport it was hilarious. Just a good time. 

We finished up the day but then I still had a kid! Until almost 630! I dont know what happened but thankfully it was a little one who I enjoy a lot and so we had a good time talking and goofing off until his parent came. I was mostly just worried about the storm coming in. Because I did not have an umbrella. But I lucked out and James came and got me so I didnt get rained on. 

When we got home James finished up dinner, which was broccoli and a baked potato, and was great. I vaguely packed for next week. Im unclear on the weather so I may redo the bag, but its a start. After dinner we had creme brulee with mango and played some games. It was just really nice. 

At 8 I washed my hair for the first time since getting the curls put in. I think I did a good job. It still looks curly so Im not to worried about losing them anymore. Now its just learning to take care of them. Its fun. And it makes me feel like a princess. I dont know if Ill do it again next year but I love it for now. 

I am just in bed now, chilling, watching a video. And I am ready to just be comfy. I hope tomorrow is another really nice day. I want to do some more work in the morning and I hope we just have a small group tomorrow. Sleep well everyone. Take care of yourselves. 

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[hwangskz]

excuse me, do you have a boyfriend? | bad boy! felix

so i was lurking on tumblr at 5am a few days ago and got inspired for this by @chenle 's anon lmao thank u i guess skjshd

• "are you jamaican? 'cause jamaican me fall for you ;)" - you know who

• u read another note from the same guy who's been following u around for quite a few weeks now

• and as u slam ur locker shut (trying to look cool (⌐■_■))

• but then

• "hello there"

• "JSHSBA AAAAAA-"

• "OH MY GOD IM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE U !!!! IT'S JUST ME !!!!! FELIX !!!!!"

• there goes ur cool aura o(╥﹏╥)o

• "from the next time, TELL ME UR THERE BEFORE U FUCKIN ATTACK BITCH"

• "i ???? just spoke ????"

• "ur voice is enough to give me shivers shut up-"

• and he nears ur face and just wriggles his eyebrows up and down causing u to roll ur eyes

• "shut up i didn't mean that in the other way-"

• "yeah, um, sure"

• u could only roll ur eyes at him at this point

• "also im not jamaican?? im korean, dude" - you, as u look at felix with confusion

• "JSHSB NO I KNOW!!!! but ur still making me fall for u ;))" - felix, as he throws a wink at u in the end, and u pretend to gag on it which makes him cutely laugh

• u never really understood felix's deal w you, u know????

• like, yeah u remember bumping into a guy after u had joined ur school for about a month and u were late for ur maths class

• and honestly u would have loved to help him pick up whatever papers that fell down (that belonged to him) but NUH UH BITCH UR NOT STAYING 15 MINS AFTER CLASS AGAIN JUST TO CATCH UP ON WHAT U MISSED

• u had once learned that if something's gone, then that's just how it is gonna be. gone.

• so who are u to change laws HUH

• but while u were rushing this boy just???? stops u????

• "excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?"

• first thought : what... the fuck

• second thought : WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS RANDOM STRANGER JUST ASK

• that may have sounded agressive but u WERE FUCKING BLANK

• "w-wait, what?"

• "a-ah, sorry that must've been too direct... i'm lee felix! and i think ur cute"

• bro

• how the FUCK are u straightforward

• "because ur cuteness made :D"

• u dont even know HOW but felix just ended up sticking his nose in ur business with u after that

• his friends never minded??? tho???

• "hey chan i hope u don't feel weird when felix stays with me for too long,,,"

• "?????? y/n!!! i would never oml!!! it's completely fine! u can have 'lix! romantically too, teehee"

• looking at it from felix's side,

• he was carrying the extra sheets back to his science class when he bumped into u

• he obv knew u were a girl because of ur voice when u were talking to urself about getting late

• so u know how in movies and shows and books, they all say that u'll meet the loyl after bumping into them and then u both will gather the papers together and all that stuff

• well that did happen

• ...except that u just ran away without a sorry or anything???

• so felix just sat there in silence for about 3 seconds before dashing to u and, well, asking if u have a boyfriend

• to be honest, this wasn't really the first time he's seen u, u know

• yall have the same english class and he sits right behind u

• he's admired u from behind before

• but probably his Bad Bitch Side decided to show up that day because this boy is actually just a softie behind that bad boy personality jshsjshs

• but seeing u react like that, with ur cheeks all flushed he just :((( GOD he fell in love w u more

• back to the present

• now u know how i mentioned that yall have the same english class???

• well, felix knows ur existence in that class

• however,,,u cant say the same about his tho

• so when u walk into ur class today ur ??? surprised???? when u see felix sitting in ur seat????

• "????? are u stalking me????"

• felix chuckles as he moves aside to make space for u to sit down, which u do

• "can't believe u didn't know we share a class together"

• ":OOOO WE DO?"

• the thing is that u just looked so focused on the topics that felix just didn't have enough heart to break ur concentration from it, yk

• "that's one really stupid excuse"

• "y/N-"

• however, that day in class, u couldn't help but look at felix

• how his eyes sparkled when he gave the right answer and everyone awed at his english skills

• how he showed u his new pencil pouch that had his favorite cartoon character drawn on it and cutely laughed again

• how he kept quoting vines to u and then just laughed heartily again

• are u taking a liking towards felix?

• maybe it had been a really long time since u had been zoned out because the next thing u know felix is shaking u by ur shoulders (very slightly, cautiously, in order to not hurt u accidentally)

• "y/n? hey? u there?"

• u blink ur eyes several times as u look around the class, trying to get a better view, at what looked like ur classmates leaving for their home

• u pack up ur stuff and ur ready to go before felix tugs on ur hoodie sleeve

• jesus CHRIST who taught him to be this cute

• "do u wanna walk home, maybe..?"

• u would have rejected the offer

• "sure"

• maybe that answer was just lying on the tip of ur tongue

• maybe u are taking a liking towards felix

• so yall are on ur way to ur home, in silence

• not that it was awkward

• it felt nice like this

• it felt nice to be with him, like this.

• "hey y/n?"

• "hm?"

• he looks over at u, making sure u know he's sincere about whatever he's gonna say next

• "aren't u tired of me?"

• ??????

• "what do u mean 'tired' of you?"

• "i mean, i'm always lurking around u. never with my friends. i'm always trying to talk to u, disturb u. how have u not gotten rid of me yet?"

• u think for a moment

• think about the time when u first met him

• well obviously u were disturbed

• but u didn't mind it tho

• and unlike other times when u felt lonely, he actually made it feel like someone really had ur back

• even if he kept pushing through ur shell

• actually

• ur pretty fucking glad he did

• "because i like being with you."

• and FELIX JUST SKBSBS STOPS WALKING AND GOES ??????

• "??????? DONT U HATE ME THO"

• "never said that." - you, as u turn around trying to open ur door

• and there he goes again, mouth hanging open and his heart beating at full speed once again because of u

• “wh- in what SENSE DO U LIKE BEING WITH ME-”

• “i’ll leave it to ur imagination”

• and like that, u just turned around and closed the door to ur house, leaving a burning red felix behind

• next day when u reached ur school, u went to ur locker, yk, waiting for the day to go on like a normal one

• except... it wasn’t

• felix stood in front of ur locker, a bright smile on his face and a bag of chocolates in his hand

• “y/n!!!!!! good morning!!!!! ヾ(＠⌒▽⌒＠)ﾉ !!!!”

• “felix what are u doing in front of my lo-”

• he didn’t even let u finish before he shoved the chocolates in ur face

• “i brought something for u!!!”

• and like this, the entire day, felix was acting ESPECIALLY clingy to u

• u didn’t mind it tho

• but before school ended today

• “y/n! wait for me!”

• u look up to see a familiar face

• namely. hwang hyunjin

• running towards u

• “hey! it’s been a while, huh” - you, as u stand facing him now

• he pulls his bag over and gives u a hug, slightly startling u

• “yeah... also, y/n? can i, uh, ask u something..?”

• u nodded slightly, unsure of what he’s gonna say next

• “are u seeing someone?”

• u go silent for a moment

• ur first thought : felix

• but then again, u think, ‘does he even like me for real..?’, so so so many thoughts all about felix are going on in ur head

• so hyunjin continues

• “if not, would u like to go somewhere tomorrow-”

• “she didn’t answer u, did she? then why don’t u take a hint, and leave?”

• u look towards ur right to see the person who had occupied ur mind

• YALL ALREADY K N O W THIS IS LEE FELIX

• “felix you don’t need to-”

• “is s/he/they your girl/boyfriend/partner?”

• this was just a question from hyunjin, so why did make you stop talking?

• why did it do something to your heart?

• “yes.”

• and with that, felix takes ur hand in his and walks away from the school building, but not very far as u pull away from his grip

• “felix? why would you say something that isn’t true-”

• “because i want it to be!”

• you can’t even form words now at this point honestly

• WHAT IS A WORD Y/N L/N DOESNT WHAT A WORD IS

• felix continues

• “i want it to be true, y/n! from day one, when i first met you in class, till today, i only thought of being with you. i even confessed to you, so so so many times, and you said no. well, that’s fine. but what isn’t fine is that.. you never believed me. you never believed the love i had for you. why? is this really too much to ask for? can’t you ever just believe me?”

• u have no clue what made u do this

• but you stepped closer and said

• “i didn’t answer you, right? didn’t you say just a few seconds before that if the person doesn’t answer, the other should take the hint and... leave?”

• u had never seen felix’s eyes tear up like that

• not even that time when he got a huge bruise on his hand because he tried to save u from that ball in the baseball game that had headed towards u

• and it makes something in u ache

• and ur about to take back ur words when

• “if this makes u better, then that’s that, i guess. goodbye, y/n.”

• and like all cliche films u try to pull him back, but guess he’s just really fast. because now? u only see an empty road

• and guess he really meant that goodbye, because now, u can’t even find him

• u even went to chan if he had seen felix

• so many times of the day, but

• “sorry, y/n. i haven’t seen him yet :(”

• was all that u got as an answer from him

• honestly? at this point, u didn’t even know if u liked felix or not

• “from the looks of u, maybe yeah u do.”

• u look up to see chan smiling and taking his seat beside u

• “look, y/n, i might be a very ignorant person sometimes, but i couldn’t ignore the look of sadness on felix’s face that day. we’ve known each other for quite a long time now, you know? but this is the first time i had ever seen him so in love with someone. 

• being the popular kid of the school, he still was very polite to people. i still remember when he told he felt something for a girl in his class. i just chuckled thinking it might just be a small crush.... but it wasn’t. it isn’t just a small crush for him now, y/n.”

• ur heart just.. physically hurts alot at this point

• “do u know where i can possibly find him?”

• “i’m not really sure, but u can try to look for him in the practice room. he would always be there when he’s down.”

• maybe there’s still a chance left

• “will he be there right now?”

• once chan answers u, u dash ur way to the practice room, not caring about the students who turned back to scowl at u

• u open the door

• and u might just cry

• because there he was, sitting in front of the mirror, legs crossed, hands tangled in his hair and head down

• “felix!”

• before this boy even gets the chance to answer u, u hug him ever so tightly, trying to ignore that he had slightly flinched at ur touch

• “y/n..?”

• u pull away, hands still wrapped around his waist, and speak out the words that felix had been longing to hear

• “i think i like- no wait. i like you ALOT BITCH”

• felix blinked twice before chuckling lightly and pulling u into a kiss

• and once, u felt so warm

• u sure were shocked at first, but when u kissed him back, felix smiled against ur lips

• when both of u pulled away, ur cheeks burning red

• and so were felix’s cheeks

• he looked down and spoke as he played with his hands, turning the ring around his finger several times

• “i thought u would never come..”

• “says the one who ran away.”

• “because YOU told me to leave!”

• it’s ur turn to look down now, because, damn he was right

• “i just- i’m sorry. i don’t even think i have an excuse for that, except that i couldn’t turn down hyunjin properly.”

• felix sighs and falls into ur arms again

• “did u know i was gonna confess to u that day?”

• “u confess to me everyday tho”

• “!!!! no i mean a serious confession. i was really gonna tell u, sincerely, this time. did chan hyung tell u?”

• u pull away and look at him with a confused expression on ur face

• “??????no????? in fact, he told me that u ‘might’ be here today”

• felix sighs out of relief

• “im glad he kept his promise and didn’t tell u beforehand that day. gotta get him a treat then.”

• “?????????bitch?????? IM COMING TOO”

• he laughs and holds u by ur shoulders as he speaks

• “obviously u’re coming. u’re my woman now, after all ;))))))”

• “oh no what have i got myself into”

[stuffofsin]

Omni - BNHA various x Reader PART 1

WARNINGS: Swearing and random shit :3 

This is just PART 1 when second parts out I will let you know

(Honestly scared hhhh)

Sorry reader is female... soz people :(

If you are wondering Omni means all :3

(You should know the keys by now...)

also, idk what happened to my writing style here cause it sounds to fancy for me

I also skipped the entrance exams cause... that's too much effort AND tell me who should be a love interest or love rivals cause im a clueless bean

NOW HERE WE GOOOOO

I guess it's in the third person/first? idk it's confusing me

powers - scarlet witch and future vision (only activates in sleep atm)

_______________________________________________________________________

A peaceful morning, the light of the sun peering into the room, all is cal—

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEE-

"ughhhhh" a girl groans as she hits the alarm, breaking it in the process 'ughh now I need to get a new one...' she thought. As she gets up as slowly as possible, 'wait what day is it? why did I have my alarm set?' "WAIT ITS MONDAY" she yelled. Rushing to get up, and get all her stuff ready seeing as she forgot to do so the night before too tired to care, grabbing her notebooks and grabbing her bag.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT" she shouts running out her bedroom with her uniform on, running to the kitchen and getting some toast and throwing it in her mouth. Running her hand through her Blonde hair to flatten it out (I have short hair so if you do too just ignore) and ran out the house, she ran all the way to the train station and sat patiently waiting for the train to arrive while eating her toast. 

Time skip seeing as im just writing random stuff now

Your POV

'hm wonder what's gonna happen today? my future vision didn't activate last night... I wonder what's wrong with it (I know kinda bullshit but like... I can't explain right now)' I think as I walk through the entrance of UA, 'oh my god I can't believe I got in, oh god  what if the people in my class don't like me ahhhhhh' I think panicing. I look down at my schedule,

Class 1-A

Homeroom - Aizawa - (insert room number here?)

(insert other classes here)

'ok ok ok ok ok OK, I think I know where to goooo... maybeeee... ughhh im the worst with directions, they really should have guides at every turn just so new kids can't get lost' I think walking through the seemingly endless corridor, till finally, I FOUND IT. I look at the time and see there's still at least 5 minutes till class started so I just try to find a seat, as im walking around the classroom for that PERFECT seat I see a guy with blue hair and glasses scolding this other guy for having his feet on the table? wtf? WAIT I FOUND A GOOD TABLE!

'awawawawawawawawa' I think as I rush to that seat before anyone else could even think about claiming my territory, as I get there the door opens again, a boy with... green hair???? ok then also what's up with the freckles I mean they make him look cute but... nevermind, suddenly I hear that guy with the glasses say "it's him" WHOS HIM??? (I should prob mention you forget things easily) WHO IS THIS PRECIOUS LOOKING BOI??? will this question ever get answered? idk, whelp 'OH SHIT THE WHOLE CLASS IS JUST QUIET AND LOOKING AT HIM WHAT HE DOOO??' I think as I too join in on staring at the broccoli boi, like legit he broccoli... that's just what imma call him now. "UMMM HI?!" he says nervously, my god that's kinda... cute? shit, just then the blue-haired... 'wait WHY DIDN'T I QUESTION THE HAIR BEFORE???' walks up to him honestly the most hilarious movement I have seen in a while like shit. oop now he's introducing himself but I ain't bothered to listen to him imma just not talk to people today... yeah that sounds great I can talk to them tomorrow or something... 'wait... what if people try to interact with me??!' you then panic and blame your social anxiety for not letting you interact with people like a normal person.

'broccoli boi looks nervous... honestly same' then my mind wonders to some funny shit I found on Tumblr 'hhehe... sand is heterosexual glitter heheh...  WAIT OH ME GAH CUTE GIRL ENTERING..! wait broccoli boi blushing... hmmMMM' "If you're here to just make friends then you can pack up your stuff now"... 'is that a caterpillar? shit nevermind that's our teacher... he looks intimidating...' "welcome to UA's hero course... it took 8 seconds before you all shut up, that's not gonna work" this... Caterpillar man says as he gets out of a sleeping bag. "Time is precious, rational students would understand that... Hello im Shota Aizawa your teacher" he says looking at the class tired af, shit he's more tired than me...

"right let's get to it, put these on and head outside," he says pulling out a gym uniform from his sleeping bag, idk if we can all fit in that one uniform bu- nevermind there's enough for all of us im dumb.

_______________________________________________________________________

imma just leave it at this since im tired

Hope y'all enjoyed this part

critics on how I write appreciated

hhh im dead honestly...

but yeah should it just be some boys x reader or all the boys, including some girls here and there idk, I was planning on just calling the mc (main character for the uncultured) pansexual cause... that's how I identify... idk up to you,

I will write the next chapter at a point in time cause yeah... I got one day left of school for the term so hopefully, update soon!... that's fun...

hope y'all have a good night/day

Part 1 of ?

[bobowhooo]

Potent Savages

Genre ; Drama/ Angst/ Smut/ Trigger Warningsss/ Exo, oc, and blackpink au

Summary ; Not everyone is cut out for this kind of fast paced lifestyle, but for these young, rich savages, it’s second nature.

Chapter 14 : Baekhyun’s official new chapter.

         Watch me handle this shit, babydoll.

It’s been about thirteen hours since suho left to handle things in phoenix. The man left me in charge of everything until he gets back which doesn’t make sense. I know. I thought the same thing. Why would he ask me of all people. I can’t think of any reasons. But either way he did. 

So, what’s next for me?

“Baekhyun?” Aya called out to me. I looked up at the girl as she sat next to me at the table. I must have clocked out awhile ago, because i don’t remember coming down here for breakfast. I’m not even hungry. I think. “Babe? You okay?”

“Yeah, i’m fine. I just feel a bit off.”

“Eat.” Aya jerked her hand towards the food displayed perfectly around the table. 

“I don’t feel like myself today, babydoll.” I spoke in a quiet tone while i grabbed a muffin and a butter knife. 

“I would ask why but i feel like i won’t get an answer.” She chuckled a bit and continued to stuff bacon in her cute mouth.

“Well, i don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet.”

“I hope it turns out to be good.”

“Me too. But, can i ask you something?” I said reluctantly, biting my butter covered muffin afterwards.

“Anything.” Her simple word brought comfort to my heart in an instant.

“Do you think i can lead us? Like suho? Would i be any good?”

“Let me tell you something about my boyfriend. He can do anything he puts his mind to. He’s strong and has the precision of a military man. He’s clever, witty, and can get you to walk off a cliff with just a few words and one look. That man is dangerous. So, yes, Of course he would be an amazing leader.”

I laughed at her speech about me. It’s always interesting to hear the way she thinks of me. Sometimes i forget my abilities until she brings them up. She knows me almost  too well.

“I see.i see. I understand. What you’re saying is, daddy can handle this, no problem.” I spoke to her playfully.

“Yes he can!” Her eyes smiled along with her mouth when she did an amazing job of giving me hope in myself. But i won’t be in charge of things for long, suho should be back in three days tops. I don’t have to worry much. 

I smiled back at her and went back to feeding my appetite. 

I have a feeling this is going to be easier than i thought. This is what i’m made for anyways. 

My eyes squinted when i looked up at the moving dock. Roughly 30 men are currently packing all our “goods” onto our boats. Not a lot of people think to move shit by water, but suho did. It always made me wonder why people use the airport to do stuff like this. When you think about it, why pay someone to help you get your job done. If we move shit it’s always our own doing. No plane tickets, no waiting on anyone else. That’s why we’re the most reliable in the game right now. 

I wonder if suho never thought to do that would any of us have even let it cross our minds. I’m the person who’s supposed to fill in when he’s not here. But i can’t help but think there’s no way i can ever be as great. 

“Boss!” 

I continued looking out into the water with my hands in my pocket after hearing a rookie call out for suho. 

“Boss!?”

But suho isn’t here.

“Yeah?” I answered to the name reluctantly.

The young boy walked over to me after handing a box to someone beside him. “We’re done loading up, we can departure earlier than expected now.”

Earlier than expected? Suho wouldn’t let us go earlier. He would tell us to go at the same time we planned. But, getting shit done early is always good.

“Don’t. You leave at the same time as planned. Get the usual people to watch over the boats while we wait for the scheduled time.” 

“Got it.” 

I exhaled into the morning air. Suho always said doing things in broad day light is better than doing things in the dark of the night. Things are less expected to happen in the safety sunlight. So we make moves in the morning to take over the hiding in plain sight type thing. Of course there are jobs that must be done at night. But we try to be our most cautious at those times.

I stepped away from the dock and walked over to the garage that we keep the goods for the boats in. I saw chanyeol talking to a rookie with his hand on the shoulder of the kid. He looked over to me and jerked his head upwards as a silent greeting. I caught his hand and hit his shoulder lazily, as the rookie cleared his throat and stopped his talking out of respect, when i reached their standing place. 

“Everything looks good here. I think we should leave and go handle our situation now.” I told him in a low tone and looked at the boy standing there in silence.

“Yeah, im ready when you are. Are you ready though?”

“Why wouldn’t i be?”

“Because suho usually handles this guy. He’s a tough one.”

“I’m sure i’ll be fine. Suho told me about him all the time. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Great, i’ll consider it taken care of. Oh, and don’t forget that party we have at club goutter tomorrow night.”

“How could i.”

A lot of bad shit has happened in that club. I wish i could sell that place to someone else, because i honestly don’t like being there anymore. There’s only bad memories. But before i even got started on getting rid of it suho decided to close it down and give it a remodel. So tomorrow night will be the reopening. Which means the best of the best will be there on some keep your enemies close shit. That means we have to be on our best behavior and be on our toes also, that’s a must. I won’t allow something stupid to happen again. Even though that club just seems to have some strong bad luck.

Fuck bad luck though. Am i right?

Me, kyungsoo, chen, and chanyeol got dressed in suits to meet the ceo of a company that deals with a lot of shit in this city. This company is connected to banks and even schools that need financial help. One thing about this city is that it’s really hard to find people who aren’t money hungry, or in need of money. Which should explain perfectly why business is booming. It’s an ambitious but very vicious place. As i express more of my thoughts about the place i live you’re probably wondering where it is i am talking about. But as a criminal with trust issues. I’ll keep that to myself. You know too much already, don’t you think?

“Look alive guys, this guy isn’t the usual scumbag guy we do business with. He’s more than that. We have to stay alert.” I said to the guys. As always.  Usually suho and minseok would come here themselves and sort things out. None of us even know what this guy looks like. But i know a lot about him. And like suho i have to stay one step ahead of him, or else i could lose his business. And that can’t happen, we need him. About as much as he needs us. Which goes without saying. Suho always said never do business when you’re desperate. Because once someone knows you need them more than they do, they use you like a condom. 

And i don’t know about you. But we’re no ones fucking condom.

With all that being said, He gives us money, lots of it, to take care of people that are a threat, plus anything else he needs our help with. He trusts us more than these other random gangs around the city. Which is understandable. We’re the best of the best. and that’s not up for debate.

We walked up to the man at the huge desk in the lobby and he nodded his head at us to go over to the elevators. The building is huge and has a very modern feel to it. Which is common for these big shot companies. It shows off their desire to continue moving forward, and change with the times. A bit like chameleons. 

A few people came out of the elevator and walked into the lobby as me and the boys did the opposite. The music is calm in contrast to my heart. I’m scared i might fuck up. I wish aya was here with me to give me some strength. I have to pull myself together but it’s getting harder as i get closer to that mans office. I’m no suho. I’m fuck up, fuckboy, baekhyun. I can’t do this. 

My phone rung randomly after my thoughts went dark, and i grabbed it quickly with a sigh. This better not be something annoying.

“Hello?” 

“Baekhyun!, how’s the prince of my kingdom?”

“Suho! Hey! I have to admit i miss you. When are you coming back?” 

“Soon, I’m going to go handle si yeon right now actually.”

“That’s great. We need you back as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, you guys do. Also i know you’re about to go see symon. I hope you remember everything i told you about him.”

“I do.”

“Good. You’ll be fine little bro. You got this, trust me. There’s a reason i chose you to be in charge when im not there.”

“Oh yeah? You mind telling me what that reason is?”

“I do mind actually. If you don’t know, i won’t tell you. Part of this whole leader thing is knowing yourself, so you need to figure that out on your own.”

“What if i never figure it out though?”

“I have to go baekhyun. Remember everything i said to you. Don’t doubt yourself you little shit. I know i don’t”

“Wait! Suho? Hello? Fuck.”

A loud and clear ding sounded off as notice that the elevator has stopped. I sighed and pulled on my suit out of habit and stepped out with new found strength. If i can get through this meeting i will be able to prove to myself that i can live up to suho’s expectations. To everyone’s.

I walked towards the secretary and fixed my cuff links as kyungsoo told the lady we have an appointment with the ceo. She picked up the phone with a smile and warned the man of our arrival as me and the boys readied ourselves for battle, because as suho always said, business is war when there’s this much money involved.

We entered the clean cut room eagerly. The view of the city was beautiful behind the desk of the powerful business man. He looked up at us while in the middle of a sentence and i smiled at him in response. A young man sat in front of him, giving all his attention to the man talking. His hair is a nice glossy brown color, probably the result of some kind of gel he put in it. And the collar of his dress shirt that spread under his suit jacket was a light pink color. Just by that, and the style his hair is in i can tell he’s young and one of those pretty boy types. But enough of that, he’s not the one i should be focused on. 

“I take it you all are with suho?” The man asked after he finished up with his conversation.

“You’re correct.” I answered sternly. 

“Have a seat then, my son was just leaving.”

“No, his son was just staying. Please, continue.” The young man said with defiance.

His son?

“Out. Now.” 

I cleared my throat as his son got up out of the chair he was seated in reluctantly. The young man tilted his head in a silent farewell as he made his way out of the office. I filled his place not too long after, and the rest of the boys followed, taking seats where they can. I finally met the eyes of the powerful man sternly as i sat in front of him at his desk. 

Make or break time.

My goal is to make him feel like he came to see me. And not the other way around. But i have to slow my roll, i don’t want to be hasty. 

“So, what are you here for?” The man asked almost dismissively.

“I don’t know, arthur, what are we here for?”

“Ah, a smart ass. Answering questions with questions isn’t going to get us anywhere.”

“Are you sure about that?”

He tilted his head to the side and nodded a bit. “Where is suho?”

“That’s not any of your concern. You know how it is.”

“Yes, i guess i do.”

“With that being said, you can trust me. I’m suho’s second in command, if you will. That’s why i’m handling his business for right now.”

“Is that so.”

“Yes it is, So think of it this way. Anything you needed from him, you now need from me. Except you might need to ask a little nicer.”

“And who are you?”

“Baekhyun. Byun baekhyun.”

“That doesn’t sound much like a street name. Do you not care for those?”

“I don’t have a use for them. Simply calling myself another name isn’t going to stop the world from being dangerous.”

“But in a world so dangerous wouldn’t you want as much protection as possible?”

”Changing my name isn’t going to protect me at all. I know what will protect me.” 

I know what he’s doing. I played into it enough though. I have to put this to a stop.

“Do you?”

“That doesn’t matter, now does it, arthur? I don’t know about you but i have other things to do than pussyfoot around this conversation.”

Arthur looked at me long and hard from his seat. “Very well. Let’s get down to business.”

I nodded my head in agreement and patience, as the boys let go of their breaths. I guess everyone could feel the tension he let into the room.

“I have a few people that are getting in my way, to put it bluntly. I’ll give you the details after we’re done, so you can handle this. I want it done quietly.”

“I’ll do it how i want. If you have a problem with that you can handle it yourself.” There’s the power rush i was waiting for. “But for a please and a cherry on top i just might make sure it gets done how you asked.”

He made a face and went straight to his paperwork without a second look. 

I smirked a bit at his reaction. I can tell a guy like him doesn’t know how to react to how much i don’t give a fuck about being professional. A perfect contrast to him. I knew this would be the best route if i was to ever meet him. I thought about it the first time suho ever even mentioned him to me. There was no way i could keep up with his professionalism. So byun fucking baekhyun took another road to victory. And it seems to be working.

“Now, are you going to tell me the details or do i have to hold a gun to your head just to get it out of you?”

“You’ve been doing so well, babeeee! I’m proud of you!” Aya basically yelled through the phone on this early morning. My body twisted in my silk sheets as i smiled to myself. 

“I wish you were here to show me just how proud you are.” I caught a bit of sunlight that was peeking through my european curtains. “You know how much i like that thing you do with your tongue.” I spoke while imagining my own words. I miss her and it’s only been a day. Aya and the girls left to an overnight spa for a second chance at their “girls night out” thing. Since i kind of crashed the first attempt. Unintentionally of course.

“Don’t start with me.” My love said with a chuckle. “I might just take your phone sex virginity if you keep talking like that.”

“How do you know im a virgin?”

“Well are you?”

“Am i?”

“What bitch did you fuck over the phone? Huh?”

I laughed at how quick she got jealous. It’s probably the thought of the moans she loves so much being for someone else that got her. I like this side of her though. Nothing cuter than making a confident woman like her jealous.

“No oneee, i was only joking, babydoll. I’ll give you my virginity if you want it.” I said with fake innocence.

“uh huh-”

“Aya, come onnn!”

The sound of jennie calling her made me pout. I sighed and prepared myself for her to hang up. 

“I have to go, babe. I’ll see you tonight at goutter.”

“Bye, doll.”

I miss her already. The feeling is always so empty and sad when her voice leaves my ears. When her touch leaves mine. I closed my eyes to have her back just a few minutes more. 

She smiles at me sweetly as the sun hits every one of her perfect features. Her honey like voice fills my head as she calls out my name before telling me to come closer. I reached out my hand and felt warmth once again. I felt her fill my arms and whisper to me about the love in her heart. 

“You’re my everything, byun baekhyun.” She said smoothly into my ear. 

Just having her in my arms like this makes my heart want to explode. 

She calls out to me more as i fall deeper into this perfect world. Her hands traveled from around my torso to my neck and my jaw, gripping both roughly, bringing me to look directly in her dangerous eyes, as my lip found it’s place between my teeth. 

“Baekhyun, fuck me. Right here. Right now. Show me just how much you miss me.”

I felt my body heat up and my closed eyes squeezed while i gripped her and my sheets at the same time. I kissed her roughly as she kept her signature possessive claw on my jaw. We fell into the soft grass, my hands fighting back the urge to go places they shouldn’t.

“Why are you holding back, daddy? Do i have to take things into my own hands?” She asked with a small lovely giggle. Her right hand traveled to my pants digging into them with no patience in her movements. 

A moan escaped my lips when i let my hand slip into my calvins. I let my head fall deeper into the soft pillow covered in a french silk case. I tugged my surprisingly hard dick as i  imagined my babydoll doing the same. she whispered how wet she is just from this and whined a bit. 

“I need you inside me so bad, daddy.”

She tugged harder and brought another moan out of me. My chest rose and fell harder while my right arm flexed more. I begged for more into her mouth and she just smirked.

“What’s that, babe?”

“More please.”

“Baekhy- oh my god.”

i ripped my hand out of my underwear and jumped up before grabbing a pillow and covering my boner.

“Baekhyun, you still masturbate!?” Chanyeol yelled while a laugh took over his voice. He looked weak as he moved around in pure laughter.

“N-no, this was a heat of the moment thing, okay. Could you get the fuck out?”

“Of course not man, no need to be embarrassed. It’s natural.”

“Quit fucking around.” I said with a sigh and a roll of my eyes. This is making me soft. 

“Well, sorry to interrupt your little love making session. I just came to make sure you’ll be on time for that appointment we have with our suit guy.”

“Oh right, that shit. Yeah. i’ll be on time if i can nut fast enough.”

“Want my help daddy?” Chanyeol said with a mock erotic tone and i threw the pillow over my crotch at him while making sure the covers stayed on me.

“Get the fuck out before i whip your ass.”

“Yes zaddy.” He laughed loudly as he threw the pillow back my way and made his way out. 

I fell into the bed and closed my eyes again. 

No way im going to finish now.

I looked around the newly renovated club filled with bad memories and smiled. Suho did great. Everyone came here before me because i had some business to to take care of tonight. Which went surprisingly well. I thought taking suho’s place was going to way harder to handle, but im doing fine, better than fine actually. But i don’t know if i could do this everyday.

I walked through people as they acted differently in front of me. Similar to how they would act around suho. I guess it’s no secret im taking care of things while he’s gone. The respect i’ve been shown these past few days is pretty great to be honest. Empowering even. I smirked as i continued to make my way to the VIP area my friends and girlfriend are occupying, with people moving out of my way and looking at me as if im a million bucks. Look who’s the big man now.

“Baekhyun!” Aya yelled excitedly the moment i moved the curtain of the vip room out of my way. She jumped in my arms and my cheeks heated up when i remembered i just jerked off to her. 

“Hey, babydoll.”

“Ugh, i missed you like crazy babe!” She continued to yell over the music. “I had fun on with my girls though.”

“I’m glad you did, and of course i missed you more.”

“Did youu?” She said cutely as she pushed her forehead into mine. I chuckled at her and she bit her lip. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me.”

I licked my lips and smashed them into hers in a rush. After what i did this morning she feels so unreal in my arms. This really is my dream woman. 

She moaned in my mouth as our tongues tangled. She so warm and smells like fruits and money. What did i ever do to deserve this?

“So you were masturbating earlier?” Aya asked as she pulled away from my mouth. 

I looked away and pursed my lips. “Yeah, maybe.”

She chuckled a bit before catching herself and clearing her throat. “That’s cute babe.”

“Don’t call me cute.”

“Im not saying that, it’s more like, what you did is cute.”

“What i was imagining wasn’t cute.”

Her smile faded and she licked her lips. “Well as much as i would love to hear more details on your little self love session we should get out of here and go, you know, talk to people.”

I grabbed her arm before she walked away from me and i looked her in the eyes searching for how she actually felt. 

“Does it turn you on?”

“Everything turns me on, baekhyun. Be specific?”

“Me jerking off while i imagine you, turns you on.”

She looked away before answering. “I don’t fucking know.”

Is she being shy right now? “Oh my god. now that’s cute.”

“Don’t call me cute.” She spoke with a pout and slightly pink cheeks.

I bit my lip and grabbed her ass in a harsh manner. “What are you going to do about it?”

“S-stuff.”

“Well, i must warn you, i’ve been thinking about dominating the shit out of you lately. So watch that mouth of yours, yeah?”

“And what if i don’t? Boss.”

I licked my lips while tilting my head and studying her gorgeous body. It’s clad in a black, silk, deep v-neck mini dress, with lovely flounce cuffs. Her neck being gripped by a diamond choker and earrings to match. The red heels she paired with it, making a small statement that’s heating up all my senses. 

She’s drop dead stunning.

“Baekhyun, what’s up.” Lisa said, holding a whole bottle of dom pérignon rosé. 

“The sky.”

Lisa chuckled and took a swig of her champagne. “You sound like the ultimate asshole.”

“I am.”

Aya grinned and reached out for the bottle in lisa’s hand. She downed some of the poison while i watched. I reached my hand under her mini dress and gripped her right butt cheek again. There’s probably a little hand print there by now. And as much as i would love to see it i wouldn’t want to just pull up her skirt like that in front of everyone. Or would i?

I took the material between my fingers and lifted it up as she continued talking. A small smirk covered her lips before she tried to swat my hand away. I stared at her ass in those lace panties i brought for her before suho left. Tonight of all nights she wears it. Tonight. 

This is getting to be too much.

I let her dress fall to it’s original place and tilted my head towards hers while she was facing the other way. She caught me staring and i smiled. 

What a delicious poison in my system.

About 20 minutes later of rising the sexual tension between me and aya i left out of the vip area to mingle like suho would in this situation. Of course i would rather be doing literally anything else but to replace suho is to be suho, yes? 

Or just a bootleg copy.

“Hi, im byun baekhyun. I’m taking care of suho’s business while he’s away.”

“Oh? I heard a lot about you from him actually. You’re really known around here for your mind games.” A well known loan shark spoke to me with a cuban in his mouth. His information sounds like something people whisper about me when i walk by, Not something suho would say. What an unnecessary lie.

“Ahh, well i hope that’s not the only good thing he said about me.” I said with a charming smile. The smile is fake, but the words are real. In a way. 

His face twisted when he shrugged and i almost scoffed. He’s obviously trying to act like suho might have talked shit behind my back. His manipulation skills need work, big time. 

“Well, it was nice talking to you. Oh, and say hello to your sweet 17 year old daughter, angie for me? When does she turn 18 again? March?” I said before straightening my tie and walking away. Im sure he’s a bit surprised that i know about the daughter he tries so hard to hide from the world. But when minseok and yixing do research on someone. Best believe it’s never half ass.

I made my way over to arthur and his son with the same smile on my face. I grabbed a drink from some random girl walking around with them and payed hardly any attention to her annoyed expression. 

“Enjoying the renovations?” I asked with grandeur. 

“It’s much much more my style now. Shit, i might even consider being seen here. Unlike before.” His son voiced with an impressed smile. 

His dad looked at him with a look that told him to either shut the fuck up, or calm down the fuck down. “Yes, this is a nice turn around.”

“You can thank suho, and blackpink for the new look. They did a lovely job.” The two men nodded and continued to look around. “Oh? You know what, i never officially introduced myself to your son, arthur.”

“There’s no need.” He said with a dismissive hand wave.

“No, no. I insist. Im baekhyun, you can call me hyung.”

Arthur looked at me with a warning sign in his eyes and i continued to smile at his son. “Im andrew.” He said and i raised one eyebrow. I hope he doesn’t think that fake name is going to work with me. 

“Or i could call you leon? Or dongsaeng?”

Leon looked stunned at the only person other than his parents that knows his actual name. I smirked when even arthur looked surprised. Suho never revealed that he has a file on arthur and his family because his aim was to become a friend of this man. But that’s not my aim here at all. I want him to fear me. 

“Well, i think we should talk about names again later, yeah?” I slapped leon’s arm quickly and walked away. That look that they give after they realized just who the fuck they’re talking to is priceless. With all this being done i have to keep in mind that sometimes with fear comes frustration. And with frustration comes retaliation. But that’s nothing i can’t take of. 

I just need to keep the leash tight until suho comes back.

We all partied until our heads hurt after i had some small talks with all the people here, in suho’s place. I have to admit i did well and i had some damn fun while i was at it. Soon i should get a call from suho saying that that bitch is dead and he’s on the next plane home. My world will be complete after that one call. Then i can go recover from all this.

Aya’s hips moved over mine as we screamed the lyrics of the blasting song. I had a goofy smile on my face while holding the love of my life in my hands. I was surely intoxicated but not too much, it’s more of a mild buzz i have going on. And im enjoying it thoroughly. I looked at my rolex to check the time and looked towards the door, watching people leave one by one. 

The night is ending for most people but for me it’s just getting started. I grabbed aya’s hand and rushed to the dj booth to announce some very important things, with my drunk ass. Aya giggled as she was being dragged. She’s about as lit as me right now but im pretty sure she drank a bit more. 

We ran up on the dj and he jumped from it. He looked at me and moved out of the way with an awkward expression. I grabbed the mic connected to the speakers and tapped on it to see if it was on.  A loud sound made it through the club getting everyone’s attention and aya laughed even harder.

“Hello! This is your captain baekhyun speaking. I just want you guys to give a loud round of applause for the wonderful new look of the club goutter, and the success of this gathering. I mean to be honest i thought someone was going to get shot. But we made it!” I said while getting some laughs from a few different people “And an even louder round of applause for my main man suho for being such an amazing leader, and mentor. I love that man with all my heart, no homo. So give him a hand! Once again, thank you for coming everyone!”

An applause louder than all the others sounded off filling the whole club with sudden cheer. Way to make a good memory in a place with bad luck.

Fuck bad luck. Am i right?

My phone buzzed as i looked at the crowd of people that are still dancing and drinking on the dance floor. I picked it up and saw suho calling. A smile landed on my face and before picking it up i grabbed aya and pulled her into me. It’s time to leave this chapter behind us. 

“Hello?”

“Baekhyun!” What sounded like the voice of minseok came through the phone.

“Hey minseok! Where are you guys? Is the job done?”

“No.” His breath became heavy in my ear and my heart picked up it’s pace.

“What do you mean, no?”

“Baekhyun, baekhyun!” Minseok cried to me through the phone and my stomach felt like it was dropping to the floor.

“Minseo-”

“Suho’s dead! He’s dead baekhyun! And si yeon got away!”

My phone dropped out of my hand and onto the floor in complete shock.

This chapter isn’t over.

AUTHORS NOTE : HAiii i feel like shit for taking so long to get this up i went through some serious writers block then i kept pushing it backfor schoolwork so anyways yeah im sorry lovelies I love you guys and i really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Baekhyun arc aya whooo??? lmao 

kisses >3> <333 lailaa ~ 

[cryinggameff]

Fifty

Randi

We were days away from the wedding and it was getting more and more real. My anxiety levels were starting to go up to. In terms of planning everything was going great. My dress had gotten in a week ago, Cayden had his suit and the wedding bands had been adjusted as well. All that was good, but my emotions were all over the place.

I was getting ready in front of my mirror in the closet. Cayden came in while I was brushing my hair.

"You going out?" He asked.

"I'm going to the salon. Jada gon do my hair. Gotta get some tracks in my hair for the wedding."

"Aight. Well I gotta talk to you," he said. I looked at him through the mirror.

"Yes?" I said uneasily.

"So I gotta shipment coming in from Cali, and there's somethings that gotta be handled on that end." He said. I turned to look at him now. "So I wanna go down there and deal with it myself."

"When would you be back?" I asked.

"The day before the wedding..." he said. I shook my head desperately.

"No," I said.

"What you mean no?" He chuckled. I looked at him wondering how he could seriously be standing in front of me saying that right now and laughing when I said no.

"You want to leave me days before the wedding and go out of the state," I said, my eyes tearing up. "When you know I'm a wreck right now. I won't be able to keep it together without you. I'm about to loose my freaking mind. I need you here to keep me sane. I can't even believe you're seriously saying this to me-" I tripped over a sob.

"Ok,ok, nevermind, i won't go," he said, scared of my breakdown.

"Good," I sniffled.

"You good?" He asked, looking at me wearily.

"I get worked up," I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "You the only one who knows how to calm me down when my anxiety kicks in."

"I didn't know you was that stressed about it. I thought it was just nerves."

"I can keep it together when I see you because I am excited to be with you forever, but when you gone i get worked up about the idea of marriage," I explained.

"You just can't get enough of me huh?" He said.

"I really don't know why I like you," I mumbled, turning back to the mirror and wiping my tears. "You always making me cry."

"I feel bad, i didn't think you'd cry," he chuckled, coming to wrap his arms around my waist. He kissed my neck.

"Playing with my emotions and shit," I mumbled, reapplying my mascara that had started running.

The salon was honestly my pride and joy. When I walked in there and saw people getting their hair done, nails done, I felt accomplished. I believed all along it would be successful, but it was one thing to belive it then another to see it. It made all the investing of time and money worth it.

"Hey girl," Jada said when I walked through the door.

"Hi," I said, going to sit in her chair.

"How you doing baby?" She asked.

"I'm doing good," I nodded.

"Let's get you looking right now," she said, turning the chair around so that I was facing the mirror. I put my bag down. She took my hair out of the bun it was in and gave it a quick brush.

"I'm excited,"she said. "I've never been a bridesmaid before, and the dresses are beautiful." My girls were all wearing long, gold dresses that worked well with wedding decor of the church and the reception banquet as well.

"I couldn't have done any of it without you guys. You helped me find my dress and your dresses. I owe Jenny a lot too. She really made everything come together. I mean I'm paying her but I still feel like I owe her," I said.

"She's really nice," she agreed. She started cornrowing my hair. "Did you decide curly or straight hair?"

"Cay said curly," I laughed. "So curly I guess."

"Curly is sexy, I see why he likes it."

"I can do sexy," I said.

"Speaking of sexy. We found a club for you Bachelorette party. I requested VIP seating so it's unlimited drinks, plus strippers."

"I thought we decided we weren't gonna do all that," I said.

"No, you decided. I didn't say nothing," she laughed. I sighed.

"This should be interesting."

When I got home Cayden was by the door about to leave just as I stepped inside.

"I like your hair," he said, looking me over.

"Thanks. How long you going out for? We're going out for dinner with our parents remember."

"I know, I'll be back soon. I gotta go talk to Ty. I'm gonna have him handle California. Also I gotta see Pat real quick and make a business proposal to him."

"Proposal about what?" I asked.

"Im gonna ask him if he wants to be in charge of the other warehouse. At least when I'm not there. Because I can't be 2 places at the same time," he said. I nodded.

"I agree. Alright I'll see you later then. I'll find you something to wear for dinner," i offered. He nodded and left out of the door.

****2 days later****

"Last day before the wedding," Cay murmured in my neck. It was early in the morning and he was spooning me from behind.

"These 2 months went by really fast," i said.

"Because we both been so busy. Hopefully things will slow down once we're married."

"I can't believe I have to change all my legal documents, you know how tedious that is," I complained. He chuckled.

"It's just your drivers license and passport," he said.

"Ya but there's papers I gotta fill out," I whined.

"Fine. How about I get you a new bag to make up for it," he offered.

"That could work," I smiled.

"Alright then."

"What kind of married couple do you think we'll be?" I asked, turning around so we were face to face.

"Crazy, just like we are now."

"You're probably right," I laughed.

"I don't think that old school thing gon work in this house," he chuckled.

"I kinda like old school though. The man should lead his family and provide for them and the wife holds things together. But the wife tells him what to do of course, we just gotta let Yall think you making the decision," I said, running my fingers through his short curls. He chuckled.

"Thank god I found myself a smart one I guess," he said. I smiled.

"So what are you and the guys doing tonight. Going to a strip club? I'm being forced to go to some club, VIP and all." I asked.

"Ty got some party bus thing planned. Which I assume involves strippers. Really I'm not tryna stay out all night."

"Me either. I need sleep, I can't have bags under my eyes on my wedding day."

"Well let's enjoy the afternoon together at least before we gotta split up. We won't see each other again until your walking down the aisle."

"Jesus. You're right."

"Go get ready and I'll take you out," he offered. I pecked his lips then got up to get dressed.

China came to pick me up around 9 o'clock and took me back to our old place so we could get ready.

"I don't even know what I'm wearing tonight, I only brought a few things for tonight. Then the wedding stuff is at my parent's house," I said as we walked through the front door.

"I already have a dress picked out for you. It's a real thirst trap it's great," she said, excited.

"Oh lord," I sighed. "Well let me get a quick shower before I get all beat."

I went upstairs to my room to prepare for a shower.

The club was packed when we got there because it was a Friday night. We got to the VIP area and I spotted Jenny as well as Cole who I'd both invited.

"You look hot girl," Jenny said, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, you look stunning too," I said. Cole came to hug me.

"I can't believe I'm going to be in your wedding tomorrow. You all grown up," he said, ruffling me hair.

"I know, look at me adulting," I laughed.

"Are you nervous or excited?" He asked, leading me towards the bar.

"Both," I said truthfully.

"A couple of shots will calm your nerves." He had a very mischievous grin on his face and I already knew I was in for a wild night.

"Lord, OK let's do it," I giggled, accepting the shots the bartender slid towards us. We shot down one, then another, and another. As Cole said, for a few hours I wasn't nervous because I'd forgotten all about it.

Cayden

Randi and I had spent the day together just chilling. I took her to the beach to eat and walk around together for a bit before we went our separate ways. I wanted to distract her because I didn't want her thinking too much and getting all worked up about tomorrow.  To be honest deep down I was a bit scared she would dip on me tomorrow and leave me standing there, but I tried to push the thought out of my mind.

Before she left to go spend the night with her girls, I wanted to give her something.

"What is it?" She asked, sitting on the bed. I walked over to her and handed her the velvet box. She looked at me untrusting first. "It better not be overly expensive Cay, you already got me the ring."

"Just open it," I complained, sitting on the bed. She finally opened it and saw the pearl necklace inside.

"It's beautiful..."she said, in shock.

"It's from my mom really, she wore it on her wedding day, and so did her mom," I explained.

"I love it, and I'm honored your mom wanted me to have it. I'll wear it tomorrow." She wrapped her arms around my neck and held me tight. I rubbed her back.

"Im glad you like it," I smiled. I heard the banging at the door then.

"Damn, that's China," she sighed, "I have to go."

"Aight babe, have fun tonight," I encouraged with a chuckle.

"You, don't have too much fun," she narrowed her eyes at me as she removed her arms. "I know how your friends can be."

"I'll get home in one piece," I assured her.

"Good. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then..." she said, getting off the bed and grabbing her bag.

"Tomorrow," I nodded. She gave me a quick kiss before heading for the door.

The big, obnoxious party bus pulled up to the house about an hour after Randi left. Ty and a few of the guys were here but we were still waiting on some nights before we took off. We did some predrinking inside the house while we waited.

"I think all the niggas here, let's do this shit," he said.

We went outside and got inside the bus. The lights were dimmed, music was playing, and there was a thin layer of smoke. The bus was huge, fully decked with 3 stripper poles which were occupied by 3 ladies already.

"You tryna get me in trouble fam," I chuckled.

"Better enjoy it while you can," Pat said, handing me a very large blunt.

"We got that, we got some powder, whatever you feeling for," Sean, who had come down from Cali to be here, said. I shook my head.

"I don't do that no more, I'll stick to the natural stuff," I took a long drag.

The guys pulled out there stacks of bills and took to sticking them in the girls' panties and bras as the bus pulled out of the driveway and took to the streets. I was sitting in front of one of the poles, a Latina looking chick was dancing on it. She walked around the pole then made her way towards me.

"So your the man of the hour, im Draya" she smiled, nodding to her friends who also began to make their way over.

"Yes he is!" Ty hollered. "And I think he needs a lap dance to loosen him up." The other dudes whistled and cheered.

"Anything for you Papi," she said. The other two girls sat on either side of me, caressing my head and shit. Draya straddled me and suddenly her beasts were in my face.  "What do you like Papi?" She asked. I cleared my throat.

"Umm-" but Pat cut me off.

"Just give him the whole deal," he said. She nodded and began to move her hips on me.

The lap dance was an interesting experience and I was glad when it was over. I hadn't enjoyed it like I used to because nothing felt right about it. The only person's boobs I'd had in my face for 2 years were Randi's. Yes I went to the strip club with my niggas once in a while, but I always turned down lap dances. The worst part was the dance still left me hard despite my best efforts. Draya was pretty but, not my type.

I decided to stick to my blunt and henny because that was all I needed to have fun. At some point somebody made lean as well which I had but sort of regretted because it really had me gone.

"Is this the last time we gon be kicking it like this?" Ty asked in all the noise.

"Hell nah cuh! I'm still gon be down with my niggas. Randi can't keep me from going out," I said confidently, even though it wasn't totally true.

"Fuck yeah," he took a hit from his blunt. "Was afraid you were gonna change up on me."

"We always go be family, even when things start changing."

"I appreciate that fam. I'm happy for you," he nodded and I nodded too.

I got into the house around 3 am. The guys were crashing in the spare rooms and I went upstairs to me and Randi's room. I took my clothes off and got in the bed with my boxers before grabbing my phone. I typed her name and her number came up so I pressed call. I wasn't even sure she was awake.

"Hey baby," she mumbled, sounding as smashed as me. I chuckled.

"Hey Lil mama," I said, my voice horse.

"Everyone made it home alive?" She asked.

"We all made it. How bout your crew?"

"China over did it, but she's okay now. She's laying beside me right now," she said with a yawn.

"I was just calling to check on you, you can sleep if you want," I said.

"No, I wanna talk to you."

"Alright then," I smiled.

"So, did you get a lap dance? Because I did and it was extremely awkward," she confessed.

"You had some niggas junk in your face?" I asked. I couldn't imagine.

"Yes, and it was truly disturbing," she giggled. "What happened to you?"

"I had an uncomfortable lap dance. Now nothing will ever compare to the pole dancing you did for me on my birthday," I chuckled remembering.

"I'm glad I could be the best at least," she yawned again.

"Go get some sleep." I told her.

"Wait," she said.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just didn't want you to hang up yet..." I grinned, I loved it when she was clingy for a nigga, it made me feel special.

"Its a big day tomorrow, you need some rest. I'll see you tomorrow baby, ," I assured her.

"See you tomorrow Cay," she made air kissing sounds.

"Thank you babe," I laughed.

"No problem."

[skiasurveys]

385

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? I am <3

Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley? nope.

Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? laying down.

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? some.

Are you excited for anything? meh not really. Maybe my birthday

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no

You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do? hate my life.

Will this weekend be a good one? suuuuuure?

Are you mad at someone right now? Not really.

Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? I do! I actually like it.

Do you sleep with a fan on? in the summer.

How is your hair right now? clean, but messy lol

Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? kinda, yeah/? but that person and I werent really dating..lol shitty still

How many windows are open on your computer? four

How tall are you?  five feet

Is something bothering you? my back

Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before?  i have. Its awkward cus im so short

Have you ever laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny? yes.

Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex “Fuck you”? yes of course!

Do you like to cuddle?  i do <3

Have you done anything sneaky lately?  i did shrooms, so sure.

Is your hair clean? yup

Last night, did you go to sleep smiling? sure.

Were you happy when you woke up today? meh

What are you drinking right now? nothing.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?  i always do

Does someone have feelings for you? yes

Have you ever been cheated on? i think so. I cant say

Are you hard to please?  i dont think i am

What are you craving right now? nothing tbh

How are you feeling right now? itchy 

What are you sick of? having anxiety

Are you missing anyone/something? no

Relationship to the last person you called? mom

Could you date someone shorter than you? no

Is there anybody you just wish would fall of the planet? hmmmmmmm

Do you wear glasses? i dont

Where did you sleep last night? my bed <3

Do you straighten your hair?  i dont! i like to leave it natural curly.

What color shirt are you wearing? grey

Do you have a best friend?  yes i do

Do you wish you had the chance to go back in time and change something now?  i do lol always

Who is the last person you got a text from?  my sister

Are you excited for winter? NO

When are you at your happiest?

at home...

Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it? no

Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? both. indoors when its cold.

What were you doing before you started this survey? another survey.

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? i dont.. 

How many people have you kissed? idk. a lot

Do you just feel awkward when you dance? yes cus i cant dance 

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? yes..damn i just wanna be happy

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? Yes...

Do you own a pair of uggs?  i used too

What are your plans for tomorrow?  Im not sure. I might make cookies.

Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive? well, yeah. 

Can you get over people easily? no lol if im attached...im attached

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay? fuck NO

How was your weekend? boring. stressful 

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? walt disney

How do you feel right now? itchy

Do you hide your feelings or show them? hide usually..

Do you like to have long hair or short hair? long.

What is the last thing you cooked today? i didnt cook today. 

What do you always take with you? my wallet and phone and keys

Last person you drove around in a car with? Connor

Do you think relationships are hard? they take word but shouldnt be hard.

What are your plans for this weekend? nothing idk

Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other? exes more so

Have you ever been ice-skating? yes

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? i love it

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? i dont think so

Do you like Fuze drinks? never had

Did the end of Hamilton make you sad?  i havent seen, yet.

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? once.

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm? neither.

Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? lube lol

Do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself? i think if i had to i would be anxious 

What’s your most noticeable flaw? my one tooth

And what’s your best feature?  idk

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? i dont think i have...

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it? sometimes. Or i let them bullshit me and i find it amusing.

Have you ever hallucinated?  i have..its wild!

Do you find serial killers fascinating?

 i find the mind so cool.

Do you like Musicals?  i really do

Is your hair damaged?  probs LOL

Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? no

Who was the last person you threw out of your life? some ex friends

Are you wearing socks?  i am not..

Do you regret something you did yesterday?  i dont think so

When was the last time you cried? uhhhhh last night

Why were you crying?  idk LOL i always cry

Whats the last thing you ate? mcdonalds <3

What kind of bottoms are you wearing? undies

What do you hear right now? the tv

How many hours did you sleep last night? like six

Is something bothering you right now? my skin haha its so fucking itchy

In the past week have you gotten sick? yes

In the past week have you felt stupid?  always....

In the past week have you got your hair cut? nope i havent

What were you doing at 9 AM this morning? waking up and getting ready for the day

In the past week have you felt sad? yeah..

Has someone disappointed you recently? yep

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? i do! even if they dont last, you learn stuff and you have fun,..usually..

If you could pack up and move, would you? if i could take some people, yes.

Do you hate when people smoke around you? only if its in my face

Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?

sasha, jennifer, kyra, kaylie, elliott, connor..mom..gabbie

[pbandjesse]

Another day I went home early. I wish I could just stay home. I wish they would just put us in lockdown again. I watched the Governer's press conference and it was infuriating. Said all the things that are going bad but didnt put in any more restrictions. Its ridiculous. But besides that today wasnt a bad day at all. 

I slept alright. I woke up a few times because I keep losing all my blankets and then Im cold. But it wasnt bad sleep. Getting up was just a little hard. 

I got up and dressed and while my hair was a little bit weird today, I felt cute. I packed up my craft bag and James packed my breakfast. And off I went. 

It was drizzling a little when I left but it was a pretty day. Just very cold. But thats alright. I should have worn a scarf by I had my cashmere sweater on and that was great. I just hate that it needs to be drycleaned. 

Another day with no kids. They think everything will be back to normal for the most part tomorrow. Well see. I spent the morning cleaning and writing up a plan for activities if the kids dont have access to their work but still come. But well see. A family called today but when we told them we couldnt help with the computer and so they decided to stay home. 

So I spent the morning sewing. I finished 4 frogs. I did some typing. I made my shop posts. And then it was 1030 and I was bored!!! I was alone and I wanted to go home. 

So I talked to Clifford and he said he thought he could handle the crowds of people and that tomorrow hopefully we would be back to normal. Silly man. We actually had a really nice conversation first thing this morning. He's a really nice person and really smart. 

I headed out though. And it was cold but beautiful. And so I decided I would get five guys and take a drive. And thats what I did. 

I got my food and ate in the car. Listened to a silly podcast.  It was a nice time. 

I ended up driving to a goodwill I had never been to and it was pretty good. I got another house shelf. I would start to paint that and the other one to match the one mom got for me later tonight. I also got a book about cute mobile homes and 2 adorable winter dresses. One is grey with long sleeves and the other in like a black plaid with a keyhole chest detail. Both are so cute. 

I wandered around there for a bit though. And when I was done I decided I would go home. And was back around 1230.

Lana called me and we talked about how we had no kids. And how a lot of staff had been leaving early but apparently some sites were complaining because the contract is for us to be there all day. Even if there are no kids. Which is so batshit I wasnt even going to argue. But my site isnt one that complained so Im not to worried. Like honestly who cares. Well have kids again and then I will have purpose again. 

James was still home. And he showed me some games he bought for us. I played animal crossing for a few minutes. Its december and were getting ready for "Toy Day" on the island. I am said our dog, Bones, moved, but tomorrow my new sheep will be there and Im excited for that. 

Soon James had to leave for work though. I got myself into some work. Some cleaning. I was just in a good mood. 

I decided I was going to donate all my profits from black friday to something and found that very serendipitously and then I was on a "I Dontated Money" high. Just all cheery. I love that feeling. I dont know how rich people arent always doing it because it feels great. 

 So I was in a great mood. And I did some painting of the house shelves and was in a good mood until the stupid press conference. I just want us to all get $3000 and be put in lockdown. Its soo stupid. Its so frustrating. And then I went on twitter to see reactions and morons were just upset that the new health director said we need to make masks the new normal and they were like. NEVER!!!! Ugghhh. 

I had the other half of my sushi burrito for dinner. I made sweetP a new collar. Still cant find his ID so Im looking into ordering a new one on ebay but Im waiting for a response about an engraving question I had. I did a little organizing. I put the space heaters on and I went through my closet. I put a lot of stuff away. I tried to be pragmatic and realistic about what I want to be wearing right now. Almost all black. Mostly cropped sweaters. Cozy to the max. I also decided to buy a cheap garment rack so I can more organize things. I miss my walk in closets. But I am going to make something work for me. Having less things in the closet helps make me feel better though. My storage trunk is pretty full but its basically all stuff I still really like and Im really happy about that. Doing pretty good in that vein. 

Now though I am in bed listening to breadtube and thinking about taking a bath. I want to wash my hair and then paint my nails. Just take care of myself all nice. And then James will be home and we will go to bed and tomorrow I hope to actually have students! Well see. 

I hope you all have a nice night. Take care of eachother. Goodnight. 

[pbandjesse]

It is nice to be in my own bed. I miss being able to walk in the sand already but it is nice to be home with my cat. And James will be home within an hour. So I am feeling good. Today was a good day even if it was mostly in a car. 

I slept okay but I felt really gross. My hair felt bad. Just super dry. I tried to wash it but I didnt have any conditioner and so it didnt really work. I really liked my outfit and besides my hair I felt cute. I just threw my hair up and it was fine. 

Me and Jess had mostly packed last night. But after we got dressed we put the rest of our stuff away and went to have breakfast. 

We went to a place called Varsity that we have been to before. Just the best tomato soup ever. We shared that and a sandwich and fries and it was delicious. 

We went back to the room to get the last of our things and then walked to get coffee and ice tea for the road. 

We were in the car ready to leave at 1030 and were on the road soon after that. We did get stuck in a little bit of traffic but even with people doing a bad job zipper in the merge we made it through fast enough. And it was a nice drive. I made Jess listen to my music. It was a nice time but we were both tired by the end of it. And that was just half of my day. 

She dropped me off at my parents and helped me move my stuff over to my car. And then we said goodbye. 

I had some time before I had to leave to get back to Baltimore, so I was able to spend like an hour hanging out with my dad. And that was nice. We had a good talk. The dogs were incredibly excited to see me. We talked about the possibility of buying a house. It wont be for a few years, but to have a plan and start getting a goal for savings feels nice. And it was just fun talking to dad about the possibilities and dreams. 

But soon enough it was time for me to go. Dad had cleaned up the car real nice and he showed me some stuff he had done to it and things I needed to possibly do. And then I was on the road again!

This 2 hours felt like it took longer. But I enjoyed listening to music and dancing to myself. It was a nice enough drive though and honestly it just felt slow. 

I was super glad to be home. I brought up some of my stuff and then sweetP was here and I was so happy to see him!! Lots of hugs to my kitty. But I only had an hour. I put a few things away and got to work filling out the paperwork for the dentist. And then Alexi called me to ask me some stuff for the possibility of camp classes. And soon enough I had to go!

I left early and Im glad I did because I got lost. 

I parked the car and then I couldnt remember how to get in the building. I wandered around until I found a map and then I was able to find the place. And it was good. They were really nice. I made them laugh when I referred to my teeth as a dumpster fire. The dentist was really nice and kind and made me feel better about stuff. He isnt sure if I have an infection so he is sending me to a specialist to see if it would be safe for me to just get a cap on my tooth. He did a nerve test and they are all alive still? So thats good I guess. And I told him if we needed to rip it out then I was okay with that and he said that will be a last resort if my tooth is to broken. This is going to be pretty expensive. But I will work harder to get my dental insurance fixed. I dont know why I havent been able to make it happen, even though I signed up 2 year in a row. But I asked them what insurance they take so I can try to get that this year. Well see what happens.

I was a little shaky when I left. I hadnt eaten since that soup this morning. I ordered chipolte so I could have a salad. And then went to go pick that up. Had to wait a few minutes but that was okay. 

I got home and brought more things up. Ate my dinner. Felt a lot better. I worked on unpacking after that. And played a little animal crossing to check in on my island friends. Then I took a bath. My hair feels a lot better and I took off my nail polish. And now I lay here waiting for my boyfriend. 

I hope tomorrow is a good day for all of you. Sleep well you guys!

[pbandjesse]

I feel exhausted. I felt exhausted all day. Im sure its just because I didnt sleep great and today was long and hot. But I just feel pretty beat up. I just took a bath though that was pretty nice. But I am more excited to get some sleep. 

Today wasnt a bad day, but I did feel frazzled. I woke up at 630 because they asked us to be there 15 minutes early. But I couldnt do it. I snoozed my alarm and honestly I was right to because it didnt even matter because again by the time I got there, at 740. We just sat at the office until almost 830. Again. This happens every day. I hate it. Like I have so much I could be setting up and doing, or even sleeping an extra half hour. Or just sitting and eating my breakfast. I even understand why the regular counselors might want to chill and talk to eachother but I am just. Not happy standing there. Its fine. It will be fine. But I had so much to do and get ready to run a good program. So the wasted time makes me feel stupid. And now Alexi just emailed me to ask if I could run the check in on the other side of the camp. And while I would love to just say yes and jump into helping, I would lose the half hour of set up time I get if they do make me do that. I already barely have enough time. So I just feel so frustrated with that. Like the rest of the day is great and I felt very heard about the schedule concerns before. But the mornings make me feel so stressed. 

The check in went better then expected though. I think we are doing a really good job of running that. I took temperatures and  talked to Charlotte. But soon enough I had to run up to art. \

I had to make a pit stop at my car because I forgot my phone in the cupholder and I left my charger pack at home so I had to get the car charger and I was sp frazzeled over it. And I just was worried about stuff all day. I hate forgetting things. 

Art was excellent though. We started the plaster casting project and everyone really seems to enjoy it. And I think I am finally comfortable with having the project be the first half of the hour, and then having free art making for the second half. Everyone seems to have fun and is happy so that seems to be the best way to go right now. Well see how it goes with the bigger kids. 

I had my first shift of covering the pool. And that was fun. The kids are all just so sweet. I got to watch them take the swim test and was so proud of them. And once they were allowed in the pool I got to put my legs in the water for a long time. It was so nice. 

I was a little confused this afternoon though. I apparently thought it was tuesday all day because I kept reading the wrong day schedule. So I thought I had my break but then another group came! Good thing I was already set up. All the kids were fun though and the counselors were pretty good too. I did feel a little frustrated because again, when everyone gets to me the first thing I say is wash your hands, and almost every time they told me "We just did that!" and I say, I know, you are supposed to do it when you leave and when you arrive. Twice. I know its annoying. But we are still in the middle of the pandemic!!! I actually spoke to Alexi at the end of the day because I am still really nervous about spikes in cases and someone getting sick. And it will feel like my fault if something does happen. 

But it was a good day with art. I figured out a good way to get the space clean and ready, by having the kids wipe down their areas with babywipes. Excellent. Take one step off my shoulder. 

I did get to take a nice nap though and listen to my podcast. It was hot today and I felt tired. But it was still a good time. 

The end of the day went well. I worked on a little embroidery. I got to meet the highschool students that Im going to have on wednesday. They are a little scary because they are all very cool and my very dorky jokes just got blank stares. Ah well.  Maybe Ill grow on them. Soon enough I could go home. 

I made a pit stop to say hi to Lani the rat. Gave her a strawberry. She is so cute. But also very old and now I'm nervous she'll die before Kim gets back. Becsuse everything makes me nervous apparently.

I felt kind of shitty. I just wanted to be home. And soon enough I was here. I had dinner and checked on our island. My second rumpl blanket came! This one is a throw blanket and is slighty smaller. Its also of Yosemitie and its green and pretty (the first one was of the Grand Canyon and is orange). Im going to keep this one at home I think, the other one I will keep at work for emergencies and naps on a chilly day. 

I took a bath. And that helped. I did my eyebrows. And now Im sitting in the AC and I wish James was here already but I will wait for him. Im going to go have a piece of toast. I hope you all have a great night and that tomorrow is lovely. 

[pbandjesse]

I am feeling very melancholy today. I just feel super tired and sad inside. I also really just feel like I am not getting enough oxygen. Im not even that congested, but I am uncomfortable. Its not great. 

Today wasnt bad though. I slept fine enough. I had a little trouble falling asleep but not to much. I woke up and wasnt thrilled to be awake but it was fine. James was making us crepes and I was very excited. I love crepes and his are very good. He tried a new thing where he cooked them sort of like french toast and while that was good, it overpowered the filling a little. So I would suggest a different topping but it was still a fun twist. 

I hung out all morning. I didnt do anything exciting. I stretched a little. I changed mu earring to this fun open hoop. But I mostly just laid on the couch. I should have made more effort to do something. I know thats where some of my sads come from. But its hard. 

Eventually James finished all his cooking. And packed us food. Came and laid with me on the couch for a little while. But then it was time for us to go. 

We had our monthly PD at Access Art. And of course we were like the first ones there. And it was a nice day mostly. We had our meetings. As a group, as our own sites. Marcus wasnt there so when we had time to lesson plan with our coteacher I just worked on my own. Which was just fine. 

But I had to have an uncomfortable meeting with Tiffany about some stuff thats happened in our class and why Im feeling overwhelemed and how I can possibly ask for more help. And she was very supportive but I just felt so uncomftable with the idea of confrontation. I just want to not be alone in the class. Thats all. I need to feel backed up. And Marcus is a great coteacher but also he may think I have a better handle on it then I actually do and leaves me with to many kids for to long sometimes to go help in other ways. Which is kind of him but I need the help, the eyes and voice in the room. I hope it turns around a bit more. I am trying my best to hold it together but I cried a little in the meeting because I hate asking for help and I hate conflict but trying so hard to keep those tears in just took it out of me completely. 

So I went to work on my lesson plan but I was so tired. I told James I wanted to leave. But it was still early. So I said let me work for a little and then once I was half way through my lesson I tapped out and we went home. 

It was beautiful out. James wanted to go to the park and at first I was like yes. But by the time we got home I was so upset and exhausted I had to say no. I feel really bad about that. 

I laid down and slept for almost 2 hours. I was just so out of it. I am honestly still super tired and the nap didnt help as much as it took the edge off. 

James made us this roasted chickpea sandwich which was good but kind of hard to eat. I appreciate all of his meals. I appreciate him a lot. 

But I still feel real sad. Im in bed now. Sweetp is trying to sit on my face. James is here. I am ready to fall asleep.

I dropped my silks class for tomorrow. Its just to long of a day when on friday I will have to wake up super early. I am going to go see Jess and apparently I did soemthing silly when ordering my ticket. So instead of getting on the bus at 1045, I will be arriving in NYC at 1045. Because my bus is at 7am. Omg. Im excited to have the extra couple hours with Jess but this was not on purpose. Ah well. 

I hope you all have a good night. Send me those good vibes.  

[pbandjesse]

Im real tired and my eye has been swollen all day. Its probably allergies but its got me a bit down. Today was a pretty good day regardless.

It was really nice walong up with James this morning. But with my eye bothering me I really didnt want to get out of bed. I did though and went to get ready while James fed sweetpea and packed up his own stuff. Today would be pretty frustrating with him not having a phone. But we would make it work.

We back together about halfway and then he went on his own to steal side and I went to Constellation.

Sean was already there when I got in so he just let me in the building. We had a fairly easy time opening up but no luck on James's phone. I called it a couple more times but now it was going straight to voicemail so it was probably dead. We're both pretty sure I got stolen at this point. But at least we can now move forward and figure something else out.

Dr. Brad, our Civil War Doctor reenactor, brought cakes from Christmas to share with us all. So I had way too much cake today. The sugar helped. I didn't get as much accomplished today with my lesson plans as I would have liked. Sean had me out on the deck basically all day. Which annoyed me because I told him I would like to work on my lesson plans but whatever. I feel like he always puts me on the deck all day.

I did get to start reading the book just got me about American hauntings. And it's really good so far. It's not a scary story book it's a book about why Ghost Story start. I'm looking forward to reading it more.

Maya was our lunch relief today and it was really nice talking to her. It always is. The firing went off really well even if it was a bit early because she'll never does a long talk about the history. But that's all right.

I had a nice lunch over at Johnny Rockets. I got a little annoyed with my waiter because he kept asking if I wanted stuff on my grilled cheese and I just kept telling him I wanted it playing and you just kept asking me. And I was just very tired and it made me upset but then the food came and it was all fine. He was a nice guy.

I gave a tour at 1. Maya apparently had never seen a full tour. Which is crazy because she's been there for months. Or at least it feels like she's been there for months. Regardless though she came on my tour and it was a really really good one. I had a really good crowd. We lost most of them by the end I started with maybe 20 and ended with nine but everyone was really enthusiastic and I was really hitting my points and just had a really good time storytelling. The full tour was about 45 minutes and I'm very proud of myself for how well I did.

My throat hurt pretty bad after that though so Shan left me downstairs for about an hour. I really would have liked more time but I also wanted to do the gun drill at 3 so it's just the way it worked out. I couldn't focus on my lesson plan too much. I did try and I got most of it done. I just have to finish the demos on number 11. I still would like to finish number 12 before we go back on Wednesday.

But what I did work on was figuring out change this phone situation. I had told him to try to call Verizon and put his account on hold just in case someone did have the phone. But every time he tried to call from the chief phone because it's not a Verizon phone the number hung up on him. He could not get through and he was getting more and more upset. I finally even though I was at the desk and we were very busy today I called. The guy on the phone was nice enough to let me keep putting the phone down and not get upset. And I was able to give them the number of the phone James on and they called him. So everything was fine but he was not able to get a replacement he does not have insurance.

So James told me to go to the Verizon store after work today and get him the cheapest most basic Android phone I could. And I was going to do that but then I remembered that you can get unlocked phones on Amazon. And then even better doing a little bit of research you can get just straight used Verizon phones on Amazon. So I ended up finding my phone, an LG G5, for $90. Which is how much I spend one I had to replace my phone with my insurance. So you know this phone is going to have some wear and tear because it's used he's going to have the same phone as me and he pays the same price that I did. I also got him a case. Honestly as you're probably get him a neck strap so that he can't lose it again. But it'll be here on Thursday and he just has to make it through this week without the phone and everything's going to be okay. I don't know what he has to do to activate it but I did make sure that it is a Verizon phone and he should just have to get a new SIM card. So hopefully in the end all of this will be fine and they will be cool about it. We'll see what happens.

I gave my gun drill at 3. Maya watch that one as well and I had like 40 people watched the whole thing. I didn't have as many hands on participants this time. I only got two adults and two kids so that made the Hands-On part very hard but I got everyone to laugh a few times in history was fun and it was a pretty good talk. I had a guy ask me a question trying to stump me later but I gave him the best answer I could even though I didn't actually know. I just told him like with my understanding. But I still felt really good and confident and strong and very smart. Which is why I love that program.

We finished up the day pretty strong. I did get to work on my lesson plans a little bit but we were very busy at the desk so I didn't have as much Focus as I would have liked.

But it was a nice way to end the year. I mean I'll be on Constellation tomorrow night for the actual end-of-the-year but for a full day shift it was a good day.

We finished up and Sean let me leave at 5. Which was good because I was really losing steam. I have been kind of holding it together a lot because James was upset but all it was kind of hitting me at once. I picked up to the grocery store, realized it was closed, and went over to Rite Aid instead. I had stopped at my apartment to grab grocery bag and I bought a whole lot of drinks and stuff to make the pasta salad that I got for Christmas.

There's a crazy line at the store so I kind of just walked around for a while and then I paid and I went home. When I got back here I started working on my pasta salad and then I went and got all of my clothes that are not hanging up in my and put them on the ground. While my water was boiling I started sorting all of the clothing and shoe I get rid of it I keep file. Then when the pasta was cooking I went through and I separate all the sweaters out and all of the other clothes. Then once the pasta was done and I folded all of the keep clothes and put them away. Most of it summer stuff. I also put all the sweaters back in the trunk at the bottom of my bad. But it closes a lot better now so that's nice. I'm really trying to only keep clothing that really makes me happy.

I took a shower and listen to music. And now I'm playing in bed petting sweet pea and I'm looking forward to my pretend day off tomorrow. The last day of the year and me and James are supposed to spend it together. And at 7 we are working the constellation deck party. I'm looking forward to it even though it's going to be an exhausting night. I still hope that's and be fun. It's my first New Year's not in New York in years so it's going to be a little strange. But in a good way.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Pray that the rain holds off. Or it finishes up before I have to go to work. New Year's won't be as fun if we are all wet.