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#I have a lot of thoughts and they're not very well ordered
wilcze-kudly · 20 hours
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I read about your thoughts regarding Avatar Bolin and it honestly made me very curious as to the potential of what Vaatu could’ve been and then shifted to more questions. What would a Chaos Avatar be like? What would being a Chaos Avatar mean, and/or what would their roles be? How can that work alongside yet still clash with the Balance Avatar (aka the Avatar we know) & benefit the world in the same way balance and harmony does?
Well, that depends how much credit we give Vaatu.
I personally always felt more compelled to see the potential positive of Vaatu. He is described as the Spirit of Darkness and Chaos, but these traits aren't necessarily bad things.
The term 'Darkness' is prerty vague, but assuming it, for example, means darker urges or aspects of personality, that doesn't automatically mean "evil". Darker, negative emotions, reactions and urges are natural and useful in a lot of situations. We just need to know how to keep them in check and when to allow them to thrive.
Take the Spirits for example. One of the effects Vaatu has on them is that they turn "dark". But they also turn dark when they feel threatened, as a method of self defence. Which can definitely relate to how humans need more negative emotions to do things like defend ourselves both physically and emotionally, to set boundaries, etc.
I also theorise that Hei Bai from Atla was also in his "dark" form, due to his grief surrounding the destruction of his forest and lashing out at random people.
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"Chaos" is also a term that doesn't have to be negative. Because chaos is sort of just the way of the world. We see it everywhere, in nature, in our everyday lives, in our history and probably in our future. We can try to micromanage every minute little detail of our lives, we can try to never leave anything to chance, but we still are subject to the rng of life.
And that probably can scare a lot of people, so it's no wonder we attribute chaos to the "bad spirit". It's also how irl humans dealt with the randomness of life.
While Raava is the spirit of Light and Peace/Order, which, while sounding very nice on paper can also be negative. Ever heard of "too much of a good thing"? "Good" traits like happiness can become toxic positivity, peacefulness can become passivity and indifference, order can become oppressive.
So it would be quite easy to see Vaatu as less of a Spirit of bad things and more of a spirit of things that humans don't really like. Things and concepts shunned and rejected by society or by humans.
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So, where would that leave us with a potential Vaatu based Avatar?
Well, I'm not sure. While the Raava Avatar does have the very vague role of "keeping balance", they don't seem to have a set way of doing so, adapting more to their time period and environment, as well as their own personality.
Like there is a world of difference between Tax Boy Sheto and Aang the Reluctant Child Soldier y'know?
But if I had to guess that the Dark Avatar's goal would be more along the lines of "pushing the world to change and evolve"?
Be it by helping out rebels with a cause that seems just to them, or by working with some type of scientist, or by leading a military, heloing explore new lands... whatever can be described as pioneering, discovering, restructuring, changing, that's where they're at.
So while the Raava Avatar would try to mitigate a conflict completely, the Vaatu Avatar would make a judgement call based more on what they believe would be a more positive change to the world.
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Of course, once again, this will probably vary from Avatar to Avatar. Since Raava Avatars have changed the world, by trying ro acheive balance, after all. These concepts will probably mix and vary depending on the individual Avatar's understanding of the concepts.
And whether they work together with or go up against the Raava Avatar depends on both the Avatars too. Their history together, their personalities, the time period they're in and the situation they're dealing with. While they might have diametrically opposed reasons for doing what they do, they still are individuals and they are fulfilling a rather nebulous concept so anything goes ig.
I can also see the Vaatu Avatar being treated with much more disdain and fear than the Raava Avatar, since they are still meant to be the embodiment of darkness and chaos and I think a lot of people would naturally not wanna hang out with you then.
With could kinda tie into their potential relationships with their "better halves". Like "why is the colour our eyes glow such a big deal why does everyone hate me and love you we are both 12 years old and have done nothing to deserve either except harbour spirits within us" or smth.
I can see the White Lotus for example trying to just keep the Vaatu Avatar on lockdown and not let them out ever, because they believe they would throw the world out of balance.
But I think that in this AU, the lack of a Vaatu Avatar could cause society and the world to stagnate and begin to rot as old, outdated ideologies, concepts systems remain rooted into the world, refusing to grow as humans and the world grow.
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lemoniiiiiii · 2 hours
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RANDOM LUKE COOPER HC'S
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a/n: writing a fic for him and he's just so cute and i keep getting ideas for him ahh my cinephile bf i need him might fuck around and write some NSFW ones later (SORRY THIS IS REALLY LONG I GOT CARRIED AWAY)
he's very quiet if he's not talking about movies
not audibly just like only gives one word or one sentence answers
which means he's a VERY dry texter (it's not personal he's just like that)
doesn't understand typing in lowercase and thinks it's dumb (but if you type in lowercase he won't call it dumb but he'll express he thinks it's weird)
has the worst handwriting ever but that's because it's almost like a kind of unreadable script (like doctor handwriting)
though he does post his every unfiltered thought to his twitter (which has SOO many followers like a shitton)
he listens to all kinds of music really aside from like pop or country
is a comic book fan
used to read books a lot more when he was younger
also really likes monty python
he really likes musicals (singing in the rain, phantom of the opera, the sound of music) b/c he was introduced to them when he was very young so they're very nostalgic for him
but he'll never mention it because his friends would make fun of him for it
(would LOVEEEEEEEE la la land)
he can play piano really well (parents made him play) he just doesn't give a fuck about piano
he's also like crazy smart and would do super well in school if he applied himself he just doesn't care
he really wants to switch his major to film studies but his parents wouldn't approve (but he's thinking about doing it anyway)
he doesn't give a fuck about most things other than (you and movies)
became completely desensitized to gore and nudity at a young age because he'd always just watch whatever movies his dad put on
wrote a series of letters to quentin tarantino as a kid and got one letter back and it's his most prized possession
likes maintaining eye contact with people for too long because it makes them uncomfortable
just generally likes messing with people and being a little shit b/c he likes how easy it is to mess with ppls emotions cause they're so predictable (which is kinda a red flag but he's never really taken something too far)
b/c of this no one really takes him seriously which bothers him a bit but he knows it's his fault
which is why when you do actually take interest in what he says he finds himself falling for you
he never got "lost" in the forest with michael he just hates being in nature and michael was annoying him so he walked back to the car
after a bit he looked outside and saw everyone panicking so he got out and went back to the group and everyone was acting like he died
he thinks it was too far for his parents to cut michael off but he also didn't care
thinks michael's annoying at times but the things he does are funny and he uses him as content for his twitter
has been so engrossed in his own world his whole life he doesn't think about girls
therefore he has very little or no experience at all
he's probably the first in his friend group to have a girlfriend too
though his main crushes are sarah connor (terminator), the bride (kill bill), storm (x-men), and mikaela banes (transformers - but he hates the transformer movies)
his only knowledge about talking to girls is from movies so yk the james bonds, george clooney, harrison ford are his main influences
which means if he has a crush on you he'll just stare at you all the time, bother and tease you relentlessly and try to banter cause that's the only way he knows how to get closer
he'll also try by memorizing your coffee order
if you don't drink coffee he'll try to find out what you do drink (without directly asking you)
he'll never confess, you'll have to first and use the most straightforward language or else he won't take a hint
once you start dating he has no idea how to treat you anymore
he just constantly flips between being the sweetest bf ever and the bane of your existence
if he annoys you too much and you get upset his first response will be "what? i didn't even do anything" or some other cheeky response
you'll have to teach him to unlearn that
though he's a very caring boyfriend and would help you carry things and drive you places and get you presents
he just is so obsessed with you and loves being around you all the time
he's not incredibly physically affectionate but he'll hold your hand and kiss your cheek in public
once he discovers how good it feels to cuddle and watch a movie it'll be his favorite thing to do
run your hands through his hair and he'll be yours forever
the first time you do it he'll probably involuntarily moan and get so embarrassed about it
he's really good at gift giving because he makes sure to pay extra attention to the things you like (especially movie related)
he loves being able to drop you off at home because more often than not you'll stop someplace to get something to eat or head to his place and watch a movie and he loves doing that with you
instead of a bookshelf, he has a DVD shelf in his room (that's very well organized)
and he has a really high end tv and surround sound system that he and his dad paid for
he researched how movie theatres make their popcorn and buys the special ingredients directly from one by his house
his work clothes used to belong to his dad which is why they're just a tad too big for him
outside of work he typically wears zip-up hoodies and jeans with a graphic t-shirt (probably related to a film he likes)
used to have the whole script of citizen kane memorized but it's been a second since he last recited it
feels weird using pet names but he'll use the occasional baby or babe
he's written his own scripts before but he doesn't think they're any good (he's pretty hard on himself about it)
but if he does end up making a project he'll 100% cast you in it
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averlym · 1 year
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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correct-bangtannies · 2 years
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I don't even like men and I'm somehow already a military wife, what goes on
PS. Don't open the tags unless you want a big ass wall of text of me rambling on your screen
#hit#im just honestly so glad that I've become a lot more chill with the whole being an army thing#in the sense that i used to be a lot more attached and hyped over everything#i do still get very hyped and i do still have an attachment to them n their work but y'know just more toned down#(i mean i remember the days of staying up all night to watch award shows knowing damn well they'd always perform last)#(mma 2018 was an emotional rollercoaster like i legit cried a little from the tiredness and being overwhelmed with the performance)#so im glad im a lot more calm about the enlistment news than what i would've been say three years ago before they started to#take longer breaks and eventually announce the hiatus this year#it's like they did it in purpose so that the fandom would grow a bit more used to it n im glad to see that a huge majority are very calm#many are sad ofc but its not being treated as some kind of horrific news#if anything ppl are coping with humor including me lmao#so idk im mostly just happy for them that they're taking their VERY well deserved break before doing their service#i just hope everything goes well and is decently peaceful (as peaceful as enlistment can be at least lol) for them once they're there#now why am i rambling in the tags? bc i need to put my thoughts in order but i don't wanna clog my blog with a long ass wall of text 💀#I'm at least relieved to know that they already have a set plan of when they're going to go and return + BH is sure af gonna keep putting#out a lot of content that they've filmed over all these years#i mean run bts; documentaries; probably even music and ofc not all of them are gonna go at the exact same time#and ofc stuff related to the HYYH and Chakho#them being absent won't as hard for most hopefully#and hey 2 years aint nothing ive waited far longer for stuff to come out than that we'll be fine!#*cries in silksong and the YOI movie
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astrxealis · 2 years
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i was about to rb this really pretty shb art and then remembered i'm trying to avoid rbing spoilers <//3 anyways i love shb sm. love that it's an mmorpg but shb is literally one of the best jrpg experiences i (and many others) have had
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i love ffxiv. it is perfect and imperfect to me and in such a beautiful final fantasy realistic fantasy way#all expansions are great imo !! even if you don't like say. stb. you have to admit it has the best content (maybe not anymore w enw)#and if you don't like arr you can't deny it is incredibly successful actually following the disastrous 1.0#and it builds up a lot of stuff for ffxiv! yk! base game!!#hw i admittedly have a few negative feelings towards bcs a lot of people who like hw most are annoying to me#if they're the kinds that don't like arr or stb ......... or don't see any fault w hw as well#that one character deserved WAY better. still angry abt that. also other criticism i'm willing to talk abt if anyone asks#i like looking at ffxiv critically and yeah my enjoyment of expacs are if from most to least. it's in order from newest to oldest#which means i overall prefer stb to hw and i have reasons for that but i look at both critically and it annoys me that. w hw. yeah#ANYWAYS RIGHT. enw has some problems w pacing (?) tbh i enjoyed enw so much as a whole#i don't really have any problems w it but i understand pacing problems! but imo shb is kind of. just perfect#IDK the only bit i had yk w was rak'tika. mostly bcs it dragged on a bit for me but w the story in mind it was also just very good#i can't really rmbr anything else... i find shb to just be perfect to me. barely any pacing problems#the story isn't as complex as the other expacs but i think that makes it so good (tho i too like the complexity of the others! but ya it#makes pacing more of a problem fr) <3 i forgot what i was typing in the last tag so ending this there#hmm...... yeah that's about it (at least rn)#i really love shb. as much as i love enw i think the themes and vibes of shb just still appeal to me more so yeah#shb. wow. yeah.
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loriache · 6 months
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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."
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This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.
I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.
Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)
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His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:
A) a short lived person
B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.
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The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.
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But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".
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So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.
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Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.
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The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.
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Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.
Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!
Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!
On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.
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That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.
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The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.
And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.
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And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.
Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.
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Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.
Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!
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I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.
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Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!
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and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.
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lassieposting · 11 months
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Been thinking a lot lately about romanced Astarion post-spawn ending.
Because like. The Funnest™ thing about cptsd is how much of it gets delayed. When you're trapped in a lengthy, ongoing traumatic situation, you do not have the ability to process and start healing your mental wounds. Your brain and body go into survival mode, and all that matters in the moment is that you somehow cope with the horrors. He wouldn't have been able to even begin dealing with the physical, mental and emotional toll of two hundred years of torture, brutalization and dehumanization while he was under Cazador's control; he is in constant danger, surrounded by sharks in the water, and survival means not letting them smell blood. He can't afford to fall apart, to show weakness. He is shockingly functional and competent in-game, partly because he has to be to work as a game character, but also partly because...it do be like that, to some degree. When death, for whatever reason, is not an option, you just have to shut down and keep going. People adapt in order to survive, and when we learn that showing an "injury" (physical or psychological) only gets us punished, we learn to hide it.
Early-game Astarion is terrified - of Cazador, of Godey, of being hunted down by his siblings, of being staked or sold off at the first opportunity by Tav and the other companions, of turning into a mindflayer, of another painful transformation, of losing himself when he's only just regained his autonomy after two centuries, of what Cazador will do to him if he ever finds him - the man is overwhelmed by fear. He's on thin ice as a vampire, and he's not going to give them any more reason to want him gone. Survival instinct is still in control, and in this new situation, crafting some fragile safety for himself means not only selling his body for protection, but also being useful. Clear-headed. Good in a fight.
Endgame Astarion finds himself in a completely different situation. The time-sensitive overarching threats - Cazador and impending ceremorphosis - have been dealt with. He has a loving, supportive partner he's really starting to feel safe with - Tav/Durge has proved that they're on his side, that their affection is genuine, that they don't just want him for the one thing he's been told he's good for. They've told him they're going to help him find a workaround for his sun allergy. He's getting fed regularly. He has time to stop, and breathe, and just. Recuperate.
For the first time in 200 years, he is safe.
And it will probably take a while to catch up, during which time he will seem to be coping really well, but at some point, his brain is going to realise that he's safe, and it's going to finally start processing the sheer fucking horror he's been through. Since I haven't seen anyone talking about this particular fun aspect of cptsd, allow me to offer u some thoughts on issues Astarion and Tav might end up dealing with in the months/years postgame, during the
✨ Delayed Trauma Response ✨
Memory Gaps: Astarion realising, as he opens up to Tav, that there are entire years or decades of his life from which he has only a handful of memories. Great big blank stretches where he has no idea where he was, who he was with, what was happening to him. Some of the gaps cover years at a time where he was so dissociated and shut down that he just didn't retain any memories of what was going on around him. Some are shorter periods of particularly horrific torture that his brain has deliberately blocked out to protect him.
Recovered Memories: At some point, years into the future when he's done A Lot of healing, he might find that every now and then, a fragment of those lost memories will unexpectedly come back to him. He'll catch a particular scent on the breeze, or overhear a specific phrase in the street, or cross paths with someone whose face is oddly familiar, and he'll get a glimpse of an acute horror he'd filed neatly away where it couldn't hurt him anymore. He very rarely remembers all the context to those flashes of his past. He might recall that he was punished, but not what he was punished for, or he might remember words spoken by a greedy conquest, but be unable to recall the man's face.
Dissociation: Tav knows going into this relationship that Astarion has basically made an art out of dissociating during sex. They also know, from their shared encounter with the drow twins, that he's not great at enforcing his own boundaries - he'll always say he'll speak up and back out if he stops having fun, but in practice he rarely does; he's not used to having the option of saying no to his partner, and being punished if he tries. So they know there's going to be some practice and experimentation and negotiation necessary there, to figure out the rough limits of his comfort zone. But once he starts really processing, there may be days where he just checks out completely. Tav will touch his shoulder, and he'll startle and apologise - "Terribly sorry, darling, I was miles away for a moment there." And Tav will gently point out that he's been sat in the same spot vacantly staring into the middle distance for hours. They've been checking in on him occasionally and this is the first time he's responded. It's unsettling, to say the least.
Lost Time: Astarion was very young when he was turned, physically mature but emotionally juvenile. He was basically an overgrown teenager, in the phase of life where elves are just starting to learn who they are and what they want, and figure out their place in the world. But he never got to do that, because he spent his formative young adult years in a world where everyone became an abuser, where his only means of surviving was to smile and charm and obey while even his basic human dignity was stripped away. He learned that communication is based on manipulation. He learned that the powerful can do whatever they like to the weak. He learned an incredibly toxic, abusive way of life, and that was his family dynamic, his everyday life, for as long as he can remember. Now that he's free and safe, he's realising that the world doesn't actually work that way and that he's now far behind even shorter-lived races in social/emotional development. He's grieving for the person he could've been. He's grieving for the life he could've lived. He's grieving for all the years he already lost, and the ones he'll lose in the future as he flounders to catch up. A decent chunk of his life was stolen from him, and that's time he will never get back.
Flashbacks & Night Terrors: Specifically the kind where your brain convinces you that an injury you had a long time ago is actually an injury you have (or are receiving) right now. There are nights where he'll wake Tav in a panic, because his back feels like it's on fire, he can feel every freshly-carved wound dripping blood and he's in so much pain he doesn't know what else to do. If Tav looks, they see nothing out of the ordinary - old, long-healed scars, same as always. But the pain and the fear and the distress are all very real to him, and all they can do is try to comfort him, cover his back with cool damp cloths or healing salves, remind him he's safe now and they're not leaving him.
Boundary Shifting: Sometimes, Tav can come up and hug him from behind, and he'll melt into them a little bit and go all soft and happy. Other times, he might flinch away or go rigid at the same gesture. A lot of the time, it really depends on how he's feeling on the day, but at least a little bit of it is deliberate - he's pushing to find the limit of just how much autonomy Tav is willing to give him. He wants to know at what point they'll stop respecting his "no". Will they accept it if he doesn't want a hug? If he wants to sleep in his own room tonight? At what point will understanding turn to anger at being rejected? From the drow twins four/fivesome, we also know he's got a tendency to push his own boundaries, and jump into things he's actually not ready for, and Tav would be the one holding his hand through the fallout as he tries to figure out what his own boundaries even are.
Frustration! So, so much frustration. He wants to be Over It already. He wants to move past everything that ever happened to him and never think about it again. He hates that Cazador still has a grip on him, even in death - he doesn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction of dwelling on all his punishments, his cruelties. Sometimes, that frustration is going to explode outwards at Tav - he'll get angry at them for coddling him, or find something small to start a fight over, or he'll set an unreasonable boundary and try to defend it because he's still learning what healthy boundaries look like. Sometimes, it will implode inwards, and that won't be about Tav at all, but they'll get the brunt of it all the same - it might come out as self-loathing or self-punishment, and he'll react by doing something stupid, like trying to drive them away, because having a secure, relatively healthy relationship is terrifying and the instinct is to destroy it before Tav can. There will be yelling and angry tears and deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they'd have to work through that. Trauma is ugly, and Astarion is right at the beginning of a very long journey towards healing.
Abandonment Issues: Astarion wants the relationship to be one between equals, but he's kind of got Tav on a pedestal all the same. They saved him. They helped him get rid of Cazador for good. They chose him and love him despite a wealth of better (in his eyes) options, and all his baggage. They stayed with him even when he has very little to offer them. We know his vanity and obnoxious self-absorption is a fragile attempt to obscure the fact that his self-esteem is in the dirt and he has virtually no self-worth, and there are a couple of occasions in-game where it becomes clear that he's afraid of losing the one person who somehow considers him lovable. After seeing Sebastian and all the other conquests, he begs Tav not to hate him, saying that he did what he had to. If he has a rival for Tav's affections, and Tav informs him that they broke up with the rival to be with Astarion, he's shocked and the first thing out of his mouth is, "You ended things with them for me? Why?" And if Durge tries to break up with him for his own safety, his facade drops and he immediately asks if he did something wrong. So while he's not afraid to argue with Tav, if something happens - like an angry outburst - that upsets or angers them, and he thinks he's at risk of losing that one steady, stable person in his life, he might well cling and overcompensate to try and repair what he thinks is a fracture in their relationship. He'll fawn or beg or crawl into Tav's bed to "apologise" and "make it up to them" because, well, very occasionally it worked on Cazador. With patience and good communication and lots of repeatedly driving the lesson home to overcome 200 years of education to the contrary, he will eventually start to believe that "I'm really pissed off at you right now," does not equate to, "You are the worst mistake I've ever made and I am leaving you."
Panic Attacks: I feel like honestly he'd get some symptoms of these on a fairly regular basis, but he's never been given any option other than just trying to power through them. He's used to realising he's shaking, he's used to feeling like he's watching himself from outside his body, or like he can't breathe even though he doesn't need to. He's very familiar with the sickening fear in his gut, so intense it makes his head spin. He's not used to being comforted or reassured about them - he thinks they're normal. Tav disagrees.
Anyway, cptsd is messy and complicated and often looks very different from person to person so these will not represent everyone's but these are just some ideas for what the ongoing recovery process might make them work through, based on the aspects I'm most familiar with.
Projecting? Who's projecting? I'm not projecting. Shut up.
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just-jordie-things · 1 year
Note
headcanon request: how would the jjk guys react if someone's trying to flirt with them but they're already in a relationship with their s/o?
YES i love some light jealousy teehee ___
GOJO SATORU
has no chill if someone's flirting with him. or worse, he thinks someone's flirting with him, but they're just taking his order, or letting him know his shoe is untied.
he's literally "I'M MARRIED"
(for the untied shoe one, he definitely trips when he runs off)
he's so annoying abt it fr. always throwing "i have a wife" (even long before you're married) around even when unnecessary
and ppl do flirt with him, he's gojo, but sometimes... he's just a lot.
even if someone looks at him too long, he's wrapping his arm around you and loudly announcing "in front of my wife? you're lucky i'm holding her back!"
and you're just standing there bewildered with the box of cereal you were about to toss into the cart and wondering who the hell he's talking to- and when the hell did he propose??
FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
for the most part he doesn't really notice when someone's flirting with him. i think it would take some very obvious hints.
so say someone is really trying to get him to catch on, pulling all the stops- fluttering eyelashes, unnecessary touching, one too many comments about his eyes, and finally, slipping a piece of paper into his hand with their phone number.
megumi can accidentally be a little cold.
he scowls at the phone number before crumpling the paper and dropping it.
"i don't want that," he's completely expressionless when he speaks, and honestly, the flirt-er is lucky he said anything at all rather than straight up walking away. "i have a girlfriend"
and then he walks away.
and when he meets up with you again he's a little more affectionate than usual, holding you a little longer, pulling you closer when you settle on the couch or bed or wherever, kissing you a few extra times for good measure.
don't get him wrong, it's not out of guilt or anything. he just wants you to know that he thinks of you when you're apart, and that he appreciates and loves you to death. nothing could ever change that.
ITADORI YUUJI
i don't often add him to my brainrot posts but i SHOULD and i had the most brilliant thought for him specifically
if he's getting hit on, he'll shut it down casually enough, and just blatantly tell them they're not his type.
and then he'll just start listing everything about you. and lover boy is BABBLING ok, no one could shut him up
he's describing your hair your eyes your nose your hands your style- and once he gets thru the physical stuff, it gets random
he's talking about your hobbies, your weird interests or collections, how sometimes you're a bad driver but you try your best lmfao he gets on such a tangent i don't think he'd even realize his tactic for defusing the flirting is just confusing the other person to the point of no longer wanting to give him their number
and once he's done with his dreamy little speech, he just goes "like my partner!!" all excited and bubbly
he's always rushing off to meet up with you then, having got himself so eager to be around you some more
OKKOTSU YUUTA
he's polite, but firm. he can also be a little quick to say he's taken, but it's only because he wants to let people down easy!
he's very kind when urning down phone numbers or flirty advances, always giving a gentle smile and saying no thank you, or actually i have a girlfriend. and he never apologizes when he says the second one, but that doesn't mean he's cruel! he's just thoughtful and respectful of you!
yuuta's a total gentleman.
but. god forbid. if he gets one of those nasty ppl that pull the "your girlfriend doesn't have to know" bullshit. oh boy. he does not handle that well.
toxic!yuuta jumps out a little!!
for as polite as he can be, he can get nasty when provoked just right, and someone disrespecting you? his beloved?
first it's a lecture- how dare you suggest such a thing? do you often try to break up people's perfect love lives?
then it's standing up for your honor- do you know how wonderful and lovely my partner is? you couldn't even understand the lengths that their radiance extends to. this part usually gets a little messy. he can get carried away when talking about you.
and lastly, he gets personal. deeply. personal. if they're having a not-so-great hair day, or if their attempts at slipping him their number were particularly weak, he's pouncing on that. he sniffs out weakness like a goddamn Chivalrous Boyfriend Bloodhound and sinking his claws in. i think yuuta could be really mean if he wanted to.
but that's kinda hot tho
INUMAKI TOGE
definitely the funniest of all of them. bcuz if he's getting hit on, he kinda just... stands there.
._.
CAUSE HE LITERALLY CANT SAY ANYTHING ???
sure, he could play it off like he doesn't understand what they're saying, or even type a little note in his phone saying he has a partner... but...
toge definitely prefers to stand there, completely blank faced, and stretch out the discomfort as long as possible.
sometimes people just scowl and walk away, finding it rude
one time tho someone actually started tearing up and completely ran away
(you came back just as it happened, an ice cream cone in each hand and a confused look on your face. but there's no way your sweet, mute boyfriend made a person cry, right?)
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ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused · 6 months
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You asked for Spencer Reid and Reader requests, particularly plus size, and I am so down bad for that man! Especially later seasons him.
Could I have one where he and the reader are intellectual peers but also enemies? Like she's on the team and just as wicked smart as him and into old literature and languages but they constantly butt heads? And the team knows they really just have feelings for each other, but they'll never admit it. Maybe the reader admits it to Penelope or someone one night drinking that he's hot but she never thought he'd actually sleep with her bc she's fat, but she'll take his attention any way she can get it. Maybe Spencer overhears and proceeds to show her just how hot he finds her arguing with him? 👀 Thank you in advance, girlie!
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༉‧₊˚. 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 || 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝
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— pairing: spencer reid x plus size!reader
— summary: you and spencer hate each other, that much is obvious... right?
— warnings: very surprisingly crude language in this, self-doubt, implied insecurities, misunderstandings, e2l, they're in love and everyone else knows besides them, i made them dorks i don't apologize, mentions of wet dreams, mentions of male masturbation, dirty thoughts, kissing, stripping, vaginal fingering, spencer's dirty mouth, lots of reassurance 'cause i'm a sap, spencer reid #1 consent king, missionary, unprotected sex, sex god spencer?!?! (he does his research), pleasure dom!spencer, switch r & spencer, heavy praise, and a fluffy ending to tie this all up in a nice little bow!
— wc: 3136
⋆ a/n: okay i do admit that this is RIDICULOUSLY long, but i knew exactly what i was getting into writing this and honestly i had so much fun! i don't think i've ever created such characters that have so much chemistry with each other, so cheers to that! (unedited unfortunately :[)
masterlist | AO3
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As soon as you hear Spencer’s voice, you make a point to groan obnoxiously loud.
“And just to think I would be able to go home without a headache today.” 
You could feel the glare from said man burning a hole in the back of your head, so you swivel your chair around in order to face the music – in a pleasurable masochist kind of way. His annoyingly handsome face was twisted up in irritation – much to your glee – his eyebrows turned down, and his perfect, plush lips pulled into a deep frown. 
You could tell you had interrupted him saying something that he deemed important, most likely a fact that you and him would go back and forth on, and you couldn’t be more pleased with yourself.
“Funny you mention that seeing as though your voice is the cause of mine.” He bit back, his eyes narrowed into slits. “Aw, you think of my voice?” You tease. “Only in my nightmares.” You wink at him. “You still think about me.”.
“You know what this reminds me of?” Luke piped up from his own desk, drawing the attention from your other intrigued co-workers in the bullpen. “Oh here we go.” Tara said in amusement at Luke’s rambling.
“Back when I was a kid there was this girl that I went to school with, and I would always tug on her hair or try to trip her,” His voice was almost reminiscent. “Everyone thought I hated her, when in reality I was just trying to get her attention.”
“Ah,” Matt said with a smile, “The classic ‘boy bullying the girl he likes,’ or in this case, it’s the girl this time.” Your cheeks began to heat and your eyes went wide, Spencer’s own face and the tips of his ears turning an admirable pink hue.
“Absolutely not -”
“What? No -”
Both Spencer and you stumbled over each other to try and defend yourself, but you didn’t have a chance because Emily’s voice cut through whatever was about to be said next, the woman making haste from her office and into the room with the round table.
“Alright you guys, enough. We’ve got a case.”
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“To a job well done!” Penelope cheered as she held up her citrusy alcoholic beverage in the air, signaling she wanted to toast.
You smiled indulgently at the woman sitting next to you, clinking your glass with hers noisily and flickering your eyes over to where a disheveled Spencer Reid sat. You didn’t say anything to him though, because you’re a big ol’ softie and like to let the boy wonder rest before you have him back on his toes.
His eyes met yours the same time your glasses collided. You wish you could say that the vibrations from the clinking was the cause of the shiver that forced its way down your spine, but you knew better. 
It was like the rest of the bar disappeared, the sound of the others joining in on your rejoicing fell on deaf ears. You could have sworn his dark brown puppy-dog eyes drank you in before he looked away and cleared his throat, taking a rather comically large gulp of his water.
Your eyelashes fluttered like a thousand butterflies wings as you rushed to drink your own beverage.
“Okay, what was that!?” You felt Penelope’s finger poke at your ribs before you actually heard her. 
“Ow - fuck! What was what?” You yelped quietly, your hand reaching down to bat away her stabbing digits. “The - the -” She fought to portray her words before her face lit up when she found the correct ones, “The eyefucking!” 
Your stomach erupted in butterflies, “Eyefucking? What eyefucking?” You asked with a scoff, hiding your blush behind the rim of your mug. 
“Oh, please, don’t give me that.” It was Penelope’s turn to scoff at you. “Everybody knows that you and Spencer like each other.” She said it almost like it was a fact, leaning forward to take a smug sip of her drink through the miniature black straw.
Spencer knew listening in on Penelope and your conversation was inappropriate; but in his defense, you guys weren’t really quiet about what you were talking about.
“I -” He heard you begin, “It’s one-sided.” Was all you said before draining your beer. “So you admit it!” Penelope exclaimed with a gasp.
Spencer felt his eyes go wide at her words, but there was this desperate feeling that spread throughout his body; one that caused his fingers to twitch and the hair stand up on the back of his neck.
“When you put it like that it sounds childish!” You complained slightly, biting at the meat of your lip. “I… I’m just not his type you know? Like - you know better than anyone that guys don’t pay attention to girls like us, so you have to learn to improvise.” You were cringing at your own words, but the liquid in your cup was enough to loosen your tongue and lower your inhibitions.
“Was me choosing to constantly argue with him the smartest way to try and peak his interest? No, but I knew he liked a challenge and well… it definitely wasn’t the proudest conclusion I ever came to, but what was I supposed to do? It isn’t like Spencer would date me let alone actually want to sleep with me.”
Spencer wanted to argue with you about how wrong you were, to tell you about every thought he’d ever had about you.
He wanted to tell you about how much you frustrate him, how at first, he thought he hated you and it took him an embarrassingly long time to realize he hated how badly he wanted you; hated how many dirty dreams he had included you and that plush body of yours. He’d wondered how soft you were, how you smelled and tasted. 
Did your moans and whines sound as enchanting as your laugh? Did your eyes twinkle the same way when you were about to cum? 
Those thoughts kept him up at night and his hands in his pants, stroking himself to his unlimited imagination all revolved around you. Those were the days that he was more prone to pick fights with you, mostly because he was embarrassed, ashamed, and quite frankly plain ol’ horny.
Spencer thought you were just so sexy, especially when he had managed to light that fire under your ass that really got you going. He wasn’t a sadist or a masochist by any means, but he loved when you yelled at him. So, for you to think so lowly of yourself it almost drove him mad because you didn’t know.
But you were going to.
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You were going to kill whoever was bothering you on your day off.
The knocking was unexpected, but so was who was responsible for the noise.
“Spencer?” You asked in surprise. 
Usually you were prepared for your exchanges with the man, but if your pajamas were anything to go by, you were anything but. Spencer felt his mouth go dry at the sight of your tits sitting braless in a thin undershirt, your soft tummy slightly straining against the cotton material and a pair of shorts that look like they were practically strangling your thighs.
The only thing he could really say was… “Do you know how infuriating you are?”
Your eyebrows furrowed and you crossed your arms over your chest, and little did you know the action pressed the tops of your breasts over the hemline. “Excuse me?” You almost scoffed, “Please don’t tell me you came all the way here just to argue with me.”
“No I - fuck just let me finish.” This was not how he wanted this to go. You looked like you wanted to say something but your curiosity made you choose to stay silent.
“Do you know why you’re so infuriating?” He asked, taking a tentative but careful step towards you. “Because you haunt my every living thought. I see you when I’m awake, I see you when I’m asleep. I can’t… I can’t escape you! I can’t escape how I feel about you.”
Your eyes were wide and your brows were furrowed; it looked like you almost couldn’t breathe.
“But you want to know the worst part?” His hand lands on your cheek and his thumb gently caresses the skin there. “You have the audacity to think that I wouldn’t want you.” 
“You want me?” You asked in disbelief. “But I… but I thought you hated me? I mean - I haven’t been all that nice to you.” You attempt to joke weakly, but your body is on fire; your stomach is tangled up in knots. You were trembling in excitement at his words but in disbelief too.
“Do you have any idea how much I love arguing with you?”
You laughed at his words, your lips slipping into a small smirk as you threw your arms around his neck in an act of boldness. “Oh yeah?” You hummed seductively. “You wanna show me how much?”
“Yeah,” He replied breathlessly. “I do.”
And just like that his mouth was on yours and a long leg shot out behind him to shut your front door. The slam made you yelp, but it quickly melted into a giggle against his lips when he reconnected them.
Spencer tugged you closer to him, and God the feeling of your body was so much better than anything his subconscious could have conjured up. You felt so soft and the front part of your torso pressed against his chest in a way that if he didn’t have you naked under him soon he was going to go crazy.
“Where’s your bedroom?” He didn’t want to pull away from you, but he wanted to do this right.
“I didn’t know you were a gentleman, Reid.” You teased with a dazed smile on your face. “There’s a lot of things that you don’t know about me.” You quirked a brow. “Oh really? How about you tell me?”
“Later,” He said with a lazy shake of his head, “Later.”
His hand reached down to cup your ass, your crotch rubbing on the large boner restrained by his pants. You moaned quietly at the feeling, and found yourself saying, “Down the hall and to the left.”
When you arrived, he couldn’t keep his hands off you; they grabbed at your back, ass, waist, hips. There was so much of you that he had no idea where to start. All he knew is that he wanted all of you right now.
“Can I take your shirt off, please?” His words almost came out as a whine and it welcomed a fresh wave of arousal in your panties. “Take off whatever you want, I’m yours.” A reassuring confession that Spencer had no idea he needed to hear. 
His lithe, veiny hands tugged at your top first, dragging it over your head and throwing it somewhere random. Your pants and panties were next to go and you couldn’t help but shiver at Spencer's intense stare.
“I’m uh- feeling a little vulnerable here, could you lose a layer or two?” 
The man blinked rapidly, his fingers shooting to undo the buttons on his cardigan. “Yes, yeah of course, sorry I -'' You grabbed the shaky digits. “Calm down, take it slow. I’m not going anywhere.” It was a light jab meant to ease his nerves. For a moment he looked unsure but you gave an encouraging smile.
After his clothes disappeared he held you by your waist, walking you backwards until your calves hit the bed. You quickly hurried to scale the mattress until your head hit the pillows.
“God,” Spencer gulped. “This is so much better than what I imagined.” You giggled slightly. “As much as I appreciate your flattery, I want you to fuck me. Now.” You said it with such simplicity that his eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets at your crudeness.
He swallowed his shock. “Whatever the lady wants.”
He hurried to crawl over your leaning body; you cup his cheek in an act of haste, dragging him down to lay on top of you. His own hands didn’t stop their determined trail, tracing the soft planes of your plush body until he reached your wet cunt.
You whine loudly at the feeling of Spencer’s fingers stroking your damp slit.
“So responsive.” He murmured with delighted smirk. You go to say something snarky but you’re quickly cut off when he begins to rub tight circles on your clit. “‘M sensitive.” You gasp against his lips, your back arching and pressing further into him.
His body falls to the side, laying next to your naked one with a cheek balanced on his fist. “I’m gonna make you cum on my fingers first,” Spencer whispers into your ear. His ring finger entered your warmth slowly and he felt himself choke on his words. You mewled, a hand shooting up to tangle in his long, curly hair, the other grabbed at his wrist.
“Then, I’m gonna make you cum on my cock.” After a few experimental twists of his wrist, his middle finger joins the first. Your breathing speeds up with every movement of his digits. 
“Afterwards, ‘m gonna clean you up and take you out to eat.” Your brain could barely process what he was saying, but every word that left his mouth added to the swarming butterflies in your gut – which felt so juvenile seeing as though he was already knuckle deep inside you.
“And when we get home, I’m gonna eat this sweet pussy for dessert.” 
Your eyelashes were fluttering rapidly, your hips moving frantically on his fingers in an attempt to try and get him deeper. Spencer must have sensed what you needed, because with a few firm swipes on your sensitive clit sent you spiraling over the edge.
“Spencer, Spencer, Spencer… I - I -” Your gummy walls squeezed his digits, and the only thing keeping you grounded was the heat coming from his body.
“Wow.” You laughed breathlessly. “Wow indeed.” He mimics with the same amount of amusement.
“Are you okay to keep going?” He asks. 
“Are you kidding?” The look on his face was almost laughable, and you gave his naked chest an encouraging pat. “Hell yeah I’m good, how about you?”
“If I told you I could cum just from watching you, would you believe me?” You roll your eyes and snort. “We’ll find out later, loverboy. Get up here.”
He scrambles to get on top of you, but then stops. “Wait, wait,” He reaches behind your head and grabs a pillow. “Lift your hips up for me.” Your eyes go wide, because who in the fuck taught him that? Though you move a bit slowly through your surprise, he manages to get the soft thing under you, your lower back now elevated.
But all excitement dies out when he realizes there might be no protection, he looks like he could almost cry.
“It’s cool, Spence. I’m on the pill and I… I haven’t had sex with anyone in an embarrassingly long time.” You admit shyly, your eyes casting to the side nervously. “I’m clean too. I don’t really remember the last time I’ve had sex either.” 
You guys make eye contact and erupt into a fit of giggles, “To relearning the art of sexual intercourse then.” Spencer scrunches his nose up at your wording, but you don’t give him any time to retort because you’ve already placed two hands on his face, tugging his head down to kiss your smile-split lips.
He takes the time to kiss you for a moment before reaching down to line his dick up to your entrance. You both shiver at the sensation. You guys disconnect your lips to watch him enter you, your foreheads pressed together and breaths mingled in anticipation.
You moaned in unison when he slowly but surely seethed himself in you fully, and your body tensed at the long awaited intrusion. “Gimme a sec.” You gulped. “Yeah, yeah, of course.” He panted.
You allowed yourself a moment to relax, brushing your fingers through his curls as a way to comfort Spencer as well. After taking a few more seconds to enjoy the raw, intimate moment between the two of you, you said, “Okay. Okay, I’m good.” 
Spencer licked his lips and rolled his hips tentatively, and your breath hitched. A string of whimpers were soon to follow with every drag of his cock against your sensitive inner walls, the leftovers of your previous orgasm leaving your body feeling electric.
Your mouth drops open into an ‘o’ shape when his tip brushes your g-spot.
“Right - right there Spence…good boy - fuck - good fucking boy.” 
The term of endearment was an accidental slip of the tongue, but it had frayed some nerve in his body, because the groan that left him was guttural and hungry.
“Say -” He huffs. “Say it again, please.” The pace of his thrusts speed up as he begs, and your nails drag down his back. “You’re my good boy, Spencie.” His eyes flutter shut at the praise and he doesn’t bother to be gentle anymore.
“Mphm! More - I need more.”
“Okay, okay.” He rushed to balance on his elbow so that his other arm could slip between the two of your bodies to rub at your clit. Your back arched, and Spencer all but throbbed inside of you, his balls tightening and threatening to cum right then and there; but ever the gentleman, he waited, his stomach sucked in tightly and his body jolting quivering.
“I - I’m gonna cum.” 
It didn’t take much to pull you into a kiss. It was sloppy, and messy, and lewd and all of those other wonderful synonyms. Spit dribbled down your chins and with one last hard thrust that almost sent you up the bed, you gripped onto the older man for dear life.
Everything went white as you came; your hearing, your vision, every single cognitive thought you had pretty much flew out the window.
It was Spencer gently wiping the sweat off of your brow that brought you back down to reality, your lungs finally opening up and expanding for that much needed air.
“Hey,” He cooed. “There you are.”
“Hi,” You sighed with a ditzy smile on your face.
There was a moment of silence before you said, “How about we save the oral for breakfast?” Spencer laughed, but nonetheless nodded in agreement. “That sounds perfect.”
“So, what’s for dessert then?” He couldn’t help but ask. “Hm…” You pondered for a moment. 
“How about ice cream?”
“I like ice cream.” But then he added, “But I like you more.”
“Ugh, you’re the worst.” You groaned, covering your eyes, but your grin gave you away. “I like you too, I guess.”
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ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @alixwriter @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus @khxna
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waokevale · 8 months
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Introducing Follower gang!
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There. Finally did all the Bishops follower designs!
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The 7 deadly sins
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And some other follower gang, done with lineart this time because the other 2 pieces made me lose my soul for how long they took.
(Also a small HC if I may: Dr. Sozonius is trapped inside the mushroom on Sozos head, while the actual mushroom is controlling his body)
+ some more doodles
Info about the 7 Sins and more doodles below:
Jeg represents Greed - he was one of the first of Lamb's followers. (At first, it was very difficult for Lambert to indoctrinate people, due to their inexperience, this guy was like the 5th or so) Jeg has...a very specific personality to say the least, yet the Lamb can't help but be fond of him. They eventually nominate him the Tax enforcer role and...That might've been the worst decision of their life. But they did not take the role away. Jeg acts smug 24/7 and relishes in his new power, but deep down, dudes pretty insecure, ( but don't tell anyone!) He used to have a huge crush on the lamb, but then Narinder and eventually the other bishops came, and since their leader was for some reason head over heels for the ex god of death, Jeg grew bitter and often got into fights with Nari, as well as charging him and his other siblings more than the average follower. Though he's mostly mellowed out since then.
Brash represents Gluttony They despise Helob, since they used to fight for "food" a lot, and eventually Brash got really injured and was found by the Lamb. She tried to eat them, but was quickly disarmed. Despite this, they decided to spare him and bring his sorry ass back to the cult to indoctrinate. They were very cunning and didn't trust the lamb either, but eventually they cooled off and accepted the new life. She still eats people tho, just not from the cult, otherwise jail or *worse*
Yara represents Pride She is one of the core followers. She's very strict and somewhat self-centered, she likes things done her way, or if not her way, the lambs way. Period. No one else can boss her around or even give a helpful advice. She's actually a pretty stand up deer, and despite being incredibly stubborn still makes a good friend. She gets along with most people though Brash annoys her, since he keeps snatching body parts off corpses. She has always been extremely devoted to the lamb and will be annoyed if any follower dissents and tries to preach against them. She wasn't surprised in the slightest when they eventually took down all the bishops.
Thorn represents Envy He had a pretty terrible life before the cult. When he was brought in, she was bitter about her newfound situation. He wasn't very trusting of the lamb and thought they expected something out of her (which technically they did, but it's just work). He envies the fools who are so oblivious and just do everything as they're told and let their lives be guided by some amateur god. Similar to the other two, he puts on a mask, He often acts overly saccharine to hide his true feelings, but doesn't have any bad intentions. (Most of the time) She does genuinely like some people, but others, he only pretends to like to appease the lamb or to blackmail them. He hates when the people he actually cares about are threatened.
Jermo represents Wrath Jermo absolutely does not trust anyone. Similar to Thorn, and most other followers tbh, their life was absolutely horrible prior to the cult. They trusted some people, they got betrayed, and almost died several times because of it. It was extremely difficult for the lamb to make them stop dissenting. They legit had to give them the loyalty necklace in order for them to finally stop dissenting. Jermo keeps getting into fights with other followers, because they feel as though everyone is always against them or is constantly judging them. (They're technically not wrong) They've died 5 times, because they keep getting into fights with other followers. Lamb strongly considered keeping them dead, but decided to challenge themself with them (also they're too cuddly to just be killed off) Despite their many, *many* flaws, Thorn has a huge crush on them, since he's one of the people who managed to see their soft side. Jermo, deep, deep, deep down actually cares a lot, but they've been hurt too much by everyone, so they retaliate for the same stuff to not repeat.
Herett represents Lust At some point, she passingly heard about the cult and since it seemed like a peaceful place from the rumors (and also had hot people in it) she eagerly joined in. She's usually in the kitchen area, if not hanging around the love tent or babysitting some kids. She crushes on almost everyone, but for some reason she hates Kallamar (legit in my actual game she rejected him so hard, despite having the lustful trait and not caring prior)
Mateo represents Sloth Is perhaps the 1st or 2nd of Lambs followers, so they're absolutely not letting go of him, dudes lived 4 long lives and is tired of it, he keeps switching jobs since with age he's been slacking off more. He's currently stuck as a janitor (he hates it) He's also one of the few people who managed to befriend Jermo, his mellow, don't care attitude is somewhat comforting to them. Aside that, he gets along with almost everyone, as best as he can at least.
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Not much else to say about the gang in the third pic but Riley and Dannie are platonic bffs and were forced to babysit kids when the lamb was crusading. The lamb was a little incompetent here to give carnivores children to take care of, but thankfully they actually managed to be good with them and got used to being on nanny duty.
The capybara (Beige) is a retired teacher and adopted a little owlet to take care of (Chip)
While Femur is our below yellow cat, and that's my HC name for him. He's a gatherer here.
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mitraoki · 8 months
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genshin men brainrot!
note; just something to ease my way back into writing. i truly miss it a lot - considering how much i abandoned it during my recent semester(⊙_⊙;) i hope you guys enjoy it!
cw; a little suggestive, they're just smitten for u, violence but against other people!!
masterlist.
+ wriothesley has this thing where he likes being yanked by the tie. only from his beloved, of course. someone else comes into play and he’s choking them next. the way your fingers wrapped around the fabric, twisting them around your fist, bringing him in closer till your foreheads touch, and your breathing syncopates with his. whether it's for fun, or when the two of you are left alone in his office, that little smirk is painted across his face and the next thing you know, he's smothering you with kisses.
"someone's needy. not complaining, just anticipating is all."
+ on stressful days, alhaitham forgets reality. no, it's not the kind where he forgets to eat or drink, it's the kind where he becomes a full time machine. all he does is take orders, execute them perfectly, and tend to the various other tasks piling up on his desk. for someone always assuring you that his workload isn't as concerning as you thought it was; it was fearsome to see his questionable demeanor when he meets up with you in public. though, it all comes to end when the two of you are alone - did you flip a switch in him or something? - he's wrapping his arms around your figure from behind, leaving a trail of kisses down your neck and whispering continuous apologies.
"...what can i do to make it up to you?" + neuvilette loves giving you gifts. it was that one time when you'd mentioned you loved the way he crafted it from scratch, bringing his ideas to life. in a way, it's another huge step for him to understand the little things of a human's life; and you were his number one supporter. there he sits during his free time, getting ideas from some of the melusines about what he should give you next. he takes notes of your likes and dislikes very quickly, but everything has to be perfect, just for you. anything to see that smile of yours bloom time and time again.
"if one's not enough, perhaps i can get you tons more! ....no such thing, this was a piece of cake."
+ kaveh loves styling your hair. he's definitely not the kind to judge the length of your hair - he can work with anything you prefer to have. from hair clips to peonies - his skillful fingers work through your locks, getting them done in a jiffy. he makes sure to not hurt you in the process, too. sometimes he even comes home with a new collection of hair clips, claiming that 'it would definitely look good in your hair!' every single time he finishes, he makes sure to get a good look at you, admiring every facial feature of yours. it ends up making you feel flustered, but he's just so in love with you. just what did he do to have such a lover like you...?
"as beautiful as always, my love."
+ not everyday is sunshine and rainbows for ayato. there were even times where your hand would reach out for nothing but a note on your shared bed, stating that he was off to settle yet another matter which frankly, did not require him at all. it was just regulations he had to follow. though you could see the slight changes in his handwriting, indicating that he wrote them all with a heavy heart. except for the 'i love you.' he wrote that with ease, a reassurance that he will return to your arms. when he does, he swings you around, pulling you in for the biggest embrace. he peppers kisses along the bridge of your nose, lingering around your lips, trailing them down to your chin, your neck. any place he could catch a glimpse of in the moment.
"i've never cursed at time as much as i did today. i hope it treats us well tonight."
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all created content belongs to mitraoki. reposts/remakes are not allowed.
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cupidlovesastro · 10 months
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𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒖𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 + 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒖𝒆
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aries- there could be a lot of anger when people with this placement argues, even if they're not angry, they sound angry. when you express your frustrations through words, you could be very confrontational. also, there could be many cuss words lol. another thing i can see with someone with this placement is that they can catch an attitude pretty easily. they're also very quick with responses and comebacks. they could be the type to lead the argument and also being impulsive with their words. sometimes this can really hurt others or you, by damaging relationships with your words. you may also make decisions on a whim
taurus- you could start off calm, then gradually get more aggressive. these individuals may not worry about getting the last word, or being the most argumentative, but they care about being truthful. they also could speak slower, regardless of wether they’re arguing or not. they take their time with what they’re saying, and the need a minute to process their thoughts. also, even if they are really understanding of what you’re saying, they could come off as stubborn. when they stating their point, they could just seem like they are not listening even when they are. they also can make better listeners than speakers, but it’s hard to make them change their mind
gemini- when these individuals argue they could use smarter words or bigger words to prove their point. they could also take it very unserious lol. they may not necessarily find the argument funny, but they try to be lighthearted. also, they are quick with their words and thought process. they bounce off words very easily, and they often have a lot to say. they want to argue with logic, not their emotions, and they’re going to tell you the logical side of things. they may be a little childish about things, or not take it as seriously as you would hope, and their words could also be persuasive
cancer- there could definitely be a lot of emotions behind what they say, and everything they say may not be logical. their way with words could definitely persuade you though. when they argue, they could get emotional, or at least sound like they are getting emotional. there could also be points that they forget to mention because they left it in their subconscious mind. it’s hard for them to make decisions without it being emotion based. also, they could come off as emotionally manipulative, even if they’re not trying to be. they are good at expressing empathy and sympathy though
leo- there’s a lot of passion when these people argue. they can have a naturally loud voice, but when they are arguing it can definitely get louder. also they can take control of the argument, like they’re the one who’s controlling which way the argument goes if that makes sense. they can also be quite bold with what they say, wether is be bold in the sense that you never expected them to say that or bold as in they are confrontational. they could also have a lot of emotion in their voice, and a powerful voice at that.
virgo- these individuals want to argue with logic and logic only. they don’t really care to get into the emotional side, maybe after the argument is done, but not during. they have an organized way of bringing up information as well. for example, if the argument is about multiple things that bother them, they might go through the list in chronological order, instead of just saying anything. i could also see that these individuals may ramble. their voice could also be nonchalant, even if they aren’t feeling nonchalant. these people could also really not enjoy arguing, but they will if they have to
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libra- these people want the argument to be balanced, and lead to peace. they don’t want to argue or start conflict, without there being some kind of resolution. they want to be heard just as much as they would like to listen to the other side of the argument. their voice could be in a calm tone, and they could also have a lot to say. they might even try to charm their way out of the issue lol. i can also see that some people with this placement might have a difficult time seeing another persons point of view if they have other placements that could influence that.
scorpio- their words could hold a lot of meaning to you, like their words could make or break someone if that makes sense. when these people argue it can get destructive fast. they can go from being fine to saying words that cut deep. these individuals may not say everything that’s on their mind and they could honestly keep a lot of things to their self, but when they snap, they can snap hard. i could also see that, people with this placement could get emotional, maybe not easily or maybe they won’t express it at first, but they feel things deep. also, they may know exactly what your going to say next because they’re readers, like body linguistics lol. they’re also intuitive and they will be very hurt or upset if you lie to them
sagittarius- talk about the king/queen of arguing. they literally represent the higher mind, law, debate, education, learning, etc. they are bringing facts and nothing but facts. it’s hard to change a sagittarius mercury’s mind once it’s been made. they could get very passionate and start talking boldly and loudly which can make them come off angrily, although they may not be. they could also be impulsive with the things they do or say. they are also optimistic people, they could take arguments as a learning experience instead of something to regret. this could also be hard to express though, as sagittarius and gemini (gemini is ruled by mercury) are opposites. so, this may not be the most comfortable placement
capricorn- these people are quite serious when they argue, nothing is a laughing matter to them. they also may struggle with speaking their mind, and they could be more of the listening type than the arguing type. these people could also ramble quite a bit before getting to the point. they restrict their selves from saying what they have to say, but once it’s out it’s out. there could be a difficulty expressing what they’re genuinely feeling during the argument. they don’t care to be loud, they would like to be heard when speaking though. their voices can go from soft to assertive as well. i can see that they may also use words that are exactly what they mean, despite them struggling to communicate their thoughts
aquarius- individuals with this placements could be hard to read while arguing. they may be detached, distant, and unexpressive with their demeanor. when arguing, they could be quiet at first, but have a lot to say. the words they use could also be long, or big, or even words that are rarely used. if they don’t tell you how they feel now, they could tell you through text or calls. the way they would like to navigate the argument though, is through finding a solution, and it may be creative in some way. like something you would’ve never thought of. what they say or the way they react may also be unpredictable. maybe you didn’t expect them to snap, or even get a little emotional
pisces- these people could have many things that will not be said. they don’t enjoy arguing and confrontation, for the main reason being that they empathize and can be susceptible to agreeing even if they really don’t. these individuals could want to cry quite fast, or at least get emotional fast. they may get angry, but if they do it will be expressed passive aggressively. there could be things they might forget to mention, mainly because it’s on in this unconscious or subconscious mind. they may also be secretive, when you don’t expect it, they could tell you something that you didn’t know they knew. they’re also intuitive so they could know when you are lying or at least not telling the full truth. when expressing their thoughts though, their emotions are pretty clear
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esoteriamaya · 3 months
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Astro thoughts: short n sweet <3 all about the sun
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sun in the first house can be well known for how they look. there appearance is what brings them the most attention. There outlook on life must revolve around them in some way shape or form. They have a knack for knowing more than what they lead on, however, people are use to knowing them for how they portray themselves, the personality is a treat once you get to know them honestly.
sun in the second house love to be at home lol. can really be sweet homebodies most of the time, but also they live to have a more balanced life so try taken it easy on them for a while. the second house is the house of finances, stability, and materials, it also has alot to do with talents. in this house, the second house sun person needs time alone to go over some things they have a gift in, another thing with them is that they are pretty material focus. notice how i didnt say materialistic, because everyone deserves to have there needs met, and they don't notice how people think they look when their drive is mainly focused on the material and less on anywhere else.
sun in the third house - communication with people that they love and admire is a dream for them. they need more individuals in their lives who will allow them to speak and allow their thoughts to come out. they have a creative imagination and it must soar doing some type of hobby. sculpting, painting, or even just something like a crossroad puzzle could be what they need to get through the day. they have the ability to know whats wrong with a person as if they're a mind reader.
sun in the fourth house can also come off to be the black sheep in the family. thought i was going to say their the golden child? thats a rare occasion. the golden child is the 1st, 5th, 7th, 10th, 11th houses. this house, if you have any problems with family, your light can burn them a little. so them being the black sheep here is because the 4th house is a very private house, and the sun sheds a light on this house. that means, anything that someone has done or is about to do usually the 4th house sun notices it or sheds a light on it. telling them its wrong etc etc. very nice and sweethearts, needs people who want to be around them in order to feel good.
sun in the 5th house have a knack for entertainment. poetry, acting, singing, dancing.. you name it. they are good at many things, but they are also good at pleasing a crowd. there romance life can be pretty intriguing or they can come off as the hopeless romantic. very sweet, charismatic personalities.
sun in the 6th house (i honestly love this house) have a good aura to them. they bond really well with plants and animals (house of the virgo) and they typically keep to themselves. they love learning and they live their whole lives working at something they love to do. its just what they came here for. fashion could be significant here with people with this placement, its what helps them shine (6th house is connected to the wardrobe).
sun in the 7th house are the popular loners. well liked by a lot of people, but also well rounded. they have a tendency to know a lot about others because people thinks thats a way to get their attention. a lot of gossip energy can be around them. either they are the ones to gossip, or others tend to gossip to them.
sun in the 8th house have intriguing personalities. the way they move, the way the have this mystique to them, but when they open up.. whew. their just a different level of raw. there is a potency to their words that can bring anyone to their knees. because they have a need to heel the inner body/soul/consciousness and unlike others they need their space in order to do it. like a snake coming out of their skin, they change a lot just like any person... but for them it comes with a price.. the old self.
sun in the 9th house are deep philosophers and are VERY intelligent. its because their playful funny nature you dont really notice but.. they are really good at gaining information and would LOVE someone who can match their freak.. that is with the books of course. the perfect travel buddies, and will make you fall in love with them with their free spirits.
sun in the 10th house are very romantic behind close doors. i say this because the 10th house (believe it or not) is very private. they show you what they want you to see. a very inspiring personality. they can have the masses fall in love with them with ease, and can have any man or woman just because of the popular energy thats naturally around their name.
sun in the 11th house needs to familiarize themselves with the masses in order to understand the community better. can be friends with any and everybody. the original loners, but the real cool kids.
sun in the 12th house have a unique outlook on the world and they typically reflect this in their art, their life, their clothes, etc. they have a different stream of thought than their peers so this could typically make them the odd one out. they have a very empathetic personality, and are incredible to work with. they are for the people thats for sure.
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empresskylo · 1 year
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ೃ⁀➷ call of duty incorrect quotes
⋆。°✩ all featuring gn!reader insert ⋆。°✩ AUTHOR'S NOTE | hopefully these aren't cringey lol, i pulled most of them from pinterest. i just thought they'd be fun. let me know if you'd want to see more.
cod masterlist | main masterlist
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soap: *bursts into the room, starts panicking* ghost: you: ghost: what happened? soap: no one died you: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER–
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gaz: have you heard the joke about the gaslighter? soap: no... gaz: no, you definitely have. soap: no I haven't. gaz: you've literally heard it before. soap: no i haVEN'T gaz: yes you have soap: I DON'T KNOW IT?!? gaz: you're crazy, man. ghost: *hiding his smirk* you: *giggling beside ghost*
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soap: I just fell– you: from heaven? soap: no, like I literally just fell– you: in love with me? soap: my fucKING ARM IS BROKEN you: okay, but do you think i'm pretty? be honest.
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you: i sleep with a dagger under my pillow. gaz: weak. I sleep with a gun. ghost: you're both pathetic. you: oh?? and what do you sleep with? ghost: soap. you: *spits out drink*
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you: what are you, 5? konig [snorts]: yeah, 5 heads taller than you. you: konig: konig: I'm sorry, please don't kill me.
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you [on the phone]: uh... price? price [tired]: is the base on fire? you: well...no? price: then it's not an emergency price: *hangs up* gaz: WHAT DID HE SAY? you: he said it's not an emergency. soap [pinned under a cabinet that ghost and alejandro are trying to get off him]: HOW IS THIS NOT AN EMERGENCY
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ghost: i invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game. you and soap [both nodding]: knife monopoly. ghost: i was actually going to hunt you for sport but now i'm interested in whatever the fuck knife monopoly is.
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ghost: *is carrying all the groceries* you: *holds out a hand to help* ghost: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold your hand*
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you: can you keep a secret? ghost: do you know anything about my life? you: no, i do not. good point.
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[you and ghost texting] you: where are you? ghost: turn around ghost: no the other way ghost: wrong way again you: ghost, where exactly are you?? ghost: at base, but the thought of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me.
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soap: go big or go home! you [tears in your eyes]: i am begging you, soap. for once in your life, go home. please. just this once. go home. ghost: *nods in agreement* soap: i'm going big!
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soap: hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? you: peonies, why? soap: you: were you going to get me flowers? soap: you: soap: it's a possibility...
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you: why are you smiling? price: what? can't I just be happy? soap: gaz tripped and fell in the parking lot.
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ghost: i wish i could block people in real life. you: restraining order. soap: murder. gaz: jesus fucking chr–
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you: so you don't have a thing for anyone at the moment? soap: well... i didn't say that. you: oh. what's she like then? soap: you're just gonna assume they're a 'she'? you: are they– you: are they not a girl? soap: *gay panic*
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ghost: i made tea. you: i don't want tea. ghost: i didn't make tea for you. this is my tea. you: then why are you telling me? ghost: it's a conversation starter. soap [looking between you two, confused] you: that's not really a conversation starter. ghost: oh, it isn't? we're conversing, aren't we? checkmate. you [scoffing]: well it's a lousy one then. ghost: never said it wasn't. you: *looking at soap* soap: *looking at you*
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price: what does 'take out' mean? alejandro: food. gaz: dating. soap: murder. you: it can mean all three if you're not a coward. ghost: soap: gaz: price: you: what?
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ghost: look, i know you think my judgment is clouded because i like soap a little bit. you [holding ghost's notepad]: you doodled your wedding invitations. ghost: no, that's our joint tombstone. you: oh, right, my mistake.
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konig: hello, welcome to our first debrief. konig: today we're talking about... you [whispering]: building loyalty. konig: killing royalty. you [under your breath]: oh my god.
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ghost: i am a very bad person. very very bad person. i am a horrible person. soap: you: gaz: ghost: "no you're not, ghost! we still love you, ghost!"
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fxirybun · 24 days
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🪷 PAC: your romantic soulmate’s personality
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this is a collective reading ! take what resonates and leave what doesn't. i cannot guarantee 100% accuracy. take the pac reading lightly ჱ̒ ー̀֊ー́ )
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ෆ⸒⸒ pink teacup 🌸
your romantic soulmate is someone thoughtful about their words and actions. they have this patient energy within them and they seem to prefer to take a practical approach to certain situations or people. they're the type of person who's willing to put in the work in order to achieve their long-term goals. i sensed that they're very careful and can also be reflective about their decision. it seems to me that your romantic soulmate would try to evaluate where they are in life. they would even make some adjustments when it is needed and don't seem to complain much in terms of investing their time and energy into things that matter to them.
i felt that something happened to them in the past that made them feel scared of being alone. your romantic soulmate may have experienced some kind of setback that led them to feel cautious and set their guard up. i felt that it has something to do with finances since i'm getting the energy of being worried about losing stability as well as their place in their working environment. even though your romantic soulmate carries this fear , they don't seem to show it from the outside perspective. i do think that they relate to individuals who also came from the same position as them and that it made them feel empathetic to those people.
i sensed that they have this urge to help those who are going through a difficult period as they also faced those same struggles and know the way out of it. at the same time , there's this feeling of trying to distance themselves from any form of conflict or negativity. it seems to me that your romantic soulmate prefers a calming domain. they seem to be leaning more towards the quiet , introverted side. they're the type of person who is introspective and more so focused on personal growth. i do think that they always seek to leave or be away from any stressful situation. they seem to value having peace of mind and aren't afraid to move or change their place as a way to protect their mental state.
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ෆ⸒⸒ blue teacup 🫐
i sensed that your romantic soulmate has a complex relationship with their family. they seem to have some kind of unconventional mindset when it comes to traditional values. they felt disconnected and could be questioning or perhaps rejecting their role within their roots. they may also be the kind of person who lives more in the present moment and does not worry too much about the future. i'm getting that your romantic soulmate feels uncertain about their long-term plan for themselves. it's also possible that they're struggling in trying to balance their emotional and physical aspects. i felt that there was this instability in these areas.
your romantic soulmate is likely to cherish their remarkable memories. i'm getting that they have a sentimental nature within themselves. they seem to value a simple connection that stems from innocence. they also place a lot of importance on having a close and meaningful relationship wherein they get to show their warm and caring side of them. i can see that your romantic soulmate has this playful or youthful energy in them and possibly have a childlike attitude. i felt that they're emotionally sensitive too and at the same time , they're someone who can be very attentive to those that play a significant role in their lives.
in addition , your romantic soulmate is the kind of person who is resilient and gained inner strength within themselves. they know how to regulate their emotions well enough. even though they face an obstacle in their path that can make them feel vulnerable , they would do anything to remain calm through the midst of it. they're someone who has this composed quality as well as having a strong-willed attitude in trying to move past a difficult moment. your romantic soulmate possesses the characteristics of being gentle , and determined , and exhibits kindness whilst also being firm when needed. perhaps they may have empathy within them too.
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ෆ⸒⸒ red teacup 🍄
i can say that you're romantic soulmate is the type of person who spends most of their time in solitude , an introvert if you will. i sensed that they prefer to think about something by themselves alone before they take the necessary steps for action. they seem to be in a constant search for deeper truths and wisdom. it is possible that they're more mature and intelligent despite their age. it's as if they've gone through a lot and from it they gained some personal insights or valuable lessons. your romantic soulmate may as well be leaning more on hiding themselves from society in order for them to process their current thoughts , feelings , and emotions.
perhaps this is what the outsiders think or their first impression of them because i'm getting a different side of their personality. it's likely that they only show it to those that are deemed close. even though they seem to be timid , they have this igniting character that can make the crowd shock. your romantic soulmate is an adventurer at heart , they have this quality of being curious about something that caught their attention. he has this passionate energy of wanting to experience what is new to them , an explorer. while they may be thoughtful and quiet , they are also open to fresh ideas and seem to enjoy pursuing things that can light up their inspiration.
because of their dual nature , your romantic soulmate may struggle in trying to balance their sides. they may be having difficulties in juggling their multiple responsibilities , and trying to keep everything in order. as a result , they end up having an occasional feeling of being overwhelmed or in a state of burnout. your romantic soulmate may tend to reflect their tendency to take too much of everything at once. perhaps they're struggling to manage their time or which priorities they need to spend most of their time on. nevertheless , they're always ready to dive into something exciting and at the same time be introspective about it.
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yumeka-sxf · 6 months
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Japanese Linguistic Observations in Spy x Family - part 1
This is a post series I've been planning for a while and I've finally had the time to complete part 1! 😃 I may have mentioned here before that I got my B.A. in Japanese/East Asian Studies, and even though I'm not fluent, I know the linguistics of the language fairly well. So I thought it would be fun to examine the interesting aspects of the Japanese version of the SxF manga that aren't reflected in the English translation. It might also be an informative experience for those who don't know any Japanese to learn a bit about the language through SxF! I'll try not to get too technical with the linguistics and keep my explanations at a beginner's level.
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Part 1 - Twilight's "honne and tatemae"
One of the main themes in SxF is how many of the characters have secrets they want to hide, so they act a certain way in front of others in order to mask their true selves. Japanese has a word for this phenomena called 本音と建前 ("honne and tatemae").
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I remember learning about the concept of "honne and tatemae" during my Japanese college studies – a quick google search will yield a lot of publications on the topic and its relation to Japanese culture in particular. While the idea of hiding one's true intentions behind a fake facade can exist anywhere and is not something unique to Japan, it is enough of an occurrence in Japanese culture that there are specific words for it. The Wiki article has a basic but good definition of honne and tatemae, to quote:
A person's honne may be contrary to what is expected by society or what is required according to one's position and circumstances, and they are often kept hidden, except with one's closest friends. Tatemae is what is expected by society and required according to one's position and circumstances, and these may or may not match one's honne. In many cases, tatemae leads to outright telling of lies in order to avoid exposing the true inward feelings.
Sounds very much like the characters in SxF, doesn't it? Twilight especially, because unlike other characters like Yor and Anya, who simply have secrets they need to keep but don't create fake personas for themselves, Twilight does – the cheerful, friendly Loid Forger is a different person from the cold, calculating Twilight after all. Also unlike Yor and Anya, who speak the same way consistently no matter who they're talking to, Twilight uses different speech levels depending on which persona he's using and who he's talking to.
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There are many different levels of speech in Japanese, ranging from super formal to totally crude. These speech levels are distinguished mostly by the pronouns the speaker chooses to use for themselves and who they're speaking to, as well as how they choose to conjugate the words they use. For example, 座ってください (suwatte kudasai), 座って (suwatte,) and 座れ (suware) all mean "sit," as in, telling someone to sit down. But the tone being conveyed is different: the first one is polite, the second one is casual, and the last one could be seen as rude if you're not using it with a close friend/family member.
As Twilight, he uses casual speech with the masculine and less polite pronoun 俺 or オレ (ore). This is the speech he uses when talking to a fellow spy like Fiona, and for his own inner thoughts.
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As Loid Forger, he uses the polite 敬語 (keigo) speech, which is basically comprised of using the -ます (-masu) conjugation for verbs and the "to be" verb です (desu). He also uses the pronoun ボク or 僕 (boku), which is the standard male pronoun and more polite than "ore." He uses keigo to address pretty much everyone who doesn't know his true identity. When talking to a higher-up like Sylvia, he'll still use "ore" but will use polite speech instead of casual speech.
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Anya is an exception to this: with her, he uses his most casual speech, the same as he uses with Franky.
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I discussed a bit about this in part 24 of my Twiyor analysis posts, but this could be because Anya is a little kid, so he doesn't feel the need to put on any airs with her (same with Bond, whom he also uses casual speech with).
An interesting side note is that, as a child, Twilight used the pronoun "boku" but then changed to "ore" as soon as he became an adult/soldier.
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Another aspect of keigo, besides using the more polite forms of pronouns and verb conjugations, is putting the honorific さん (san) after people's names. Twilight does this all the time with Yor, as she does with him. However, he switches to casual speech and drops the "san" part in her name when addressing her in front of people who (supposedly) believe they're a real married couple, such as Yuri and Fiona – because it would be weird for a real couple who have been married for a year to address each other in such a formal way, especially the husband. In the below panel when Fiona visits them, he's calling her "Yor" instead of "Yor-san" and using casual speech instead of keigo.
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Oddly in these situations, while he uses just "Yor" when addressing her directly, he still calls her "Yor-san" when talking about her. During Yuri's first visit for example, he calls her "Yor-san" when telling Yuri how much Anya loves her (talking to someone about her) but then calls her just "Yor" a few moments later when telling her that he'll clean up the spill (talking to her directly). It's strange to me that he wouldn't just consistently use "Yor" whether he's talking to her or about her in these situations...I'm honestly not sure if he does this intentionally or if he just slips up since he's so used to using "Yor-san" in her presence.
*UPDATE* Thank you to @dentedintheworld-blog for enlightening me with the below reply about this!
"In Japanese, when speaking to your spouse's family about your spouse, you address her/him by attaching "san" her/his name out of respect for her/his family. This is also to show her/his family that you respect your spouse. That's why Loid calls Yor with san when he talks about how much he loves Yor to Yuri."
That definitely makes sense for why Twilight switches between "Yor" and "Yor-san" in these situations.
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Regardless, this is why the scene in chapter 86 is so significant – when Yor isn't present, there's no reason for him to refer to her as "Yor-san," especially in front of a fellow spy like Fiona who knows he (supposedly) shouldn't have any feelings for her. Yet, even after he just called Yuri by his full name "Yuri Briar" a moment before, he doesn't do the same for Yor and continues to call her "Yor-san" here, much to Fiona's dismay.
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In the same chapter, it's also significant that he uses "ore" when addressing Yor directly in his thoughts. Even though he's not speaking out loud, I believe this is the first time he's speaking directly "to" her as Twilight and/or his true self and not as Loid Forger.
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But despite all this, I think that both Loid Forger and Twilight are tatemae…they're both masks to hide the person he truly is. The person who fondly talked about his mother to Yor on the park bench, the person who genuinely expressed gratitude for her sacrifice when leaving the resort island, the person who refused to kill Yuri in a life-or-death struggle because he knew it would hurt her…that's his actual honne. But of course, the ongoing conflict of the series is that he has yet to realize this. He won't even show his honne to his closest friend, Franky. Seems like it mostly comes out in dribs and drabs during his interactions with Yor...no surprise there, lol. The man is certainly a work in progress. When he finally starts letting his "honne" show, I'm curious what form of speech he'll adopt.
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Continue to Part 2 ->
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