#I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that if I get it will essentially be taking up my nights and weekends
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Y'all, I just went and did it. I applied for a day job in a local bakery for the first time in three years. Mind you, I did not apply to be a baker, I applied to serve customers at the front counter, but hey. I'm open to whatever. The main reason I want this job aside from needing money and really liking the shop itself? It's located in a former nautical outfitting shop right on the water, and I'd get to take a ferry back and forth to work which for me is a peak "romanticize your life" activity. ETA: I heard from them in less than an hour, and I have an interview tomorrow, I may actually weep with relief, I was so terrified it was going to take me me ages to find a suitable job here that would work alongside my writing
#also free coffee soup and bread! like is that not my dream?#they've even got dental#cross your fingers for my broke artist ass
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#132
tw: knives, stabbing, death
Everything is, quite literally, on a knife’s edge. Everything the villain ever wanted, everything they didn’t, is right here, in this moment.
Victory, happiness, freedom, all a few seconds away. They need this. They need to act.
“I can’t,” the villain says.
The hero is under their blade like it’s where they belong. One little flick—that’s all it would take. One flick and the villain’s worries would be over.
“You’re strong,” the hero says plainly, and the villain isn’t sure how they mean it.
They’re strong? The hero must be joking. No, the villain isn’t strong. They’re faltering, they’re second guessing. What the hero must think is great self-restraint is nothing more than cowardice.
The villain knows that their knife is trembling traitorously in their grip but they can’t find it in themself to care. Why is this so hard? Why did it have to be the hero?
The hero smiles, the confident kind that all heroes seem to do, shifting slightly to pull themself closer to the villain. The edge of the blade brushes against their neck, and the villain flinches more than the hero.
“It’s okay, [Villain],” the hero says. Their tone is bland, like they spend most Sunday afternoons under the blade of someone who supposedly wants them dead. Well, no, not supposed—the villain hates them, they do. “You can stop now.”
The hero is everything the villain despises; the agency’s abhorrent nature personified. Too cool, too nonchalant, too easy to trip and kind of fall in love with.
All the villain can find to say is that same faint, “I can’t.”
The hero slips past the villain’s blade with that stupid smile still on their face. Maybe, the villain thinks, the hero is the affectionate kind. The type to pull a villain into a hug and warp their heart into abandoning their life as a criminal. The villain hates that they want that. They’d change the world for the hero.
Warmth blossoms in their chest as the hero gets close. Then the warmth turns hot. Pain pierces the feeling like glass is buried in their heart. The villain’s own blade, tight in the hero’s grip, is hilt-deep against their chest.
“I know you can’t,” the hero says in that usual flat voice, “but I can.”
It’s hard to breathe. The hero tears the knife out, giving the villain an idle push as they study the blade. The villain meets unforgiving concrete and the hero laughs.
“I think I’ll keep this, if you don’t mind,” they say brightly. “I doubt you’ll be using it any time soon.”
The hero turns on their heel and leaves without another word. As heroes do—the villain knows that well. They should’ve known this would happen. They did, really. Villains just have a habit of ignoring common sense and flying into danger head-first.
It’s colder than the villain remembers it being. They should’ve brought their coat. The breeze bites at their face as they watch the hero’s frame recede until they’re nothing more than a memory the villain is already forgetting.
#creative writing#writblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writing community#heroes and villains#hero x villain#tw death#tw knife#tw stabbing#weird. i was fighting for my life on indeed for 5 months#and now not only do i have an actual job i have an interview tomorrow to work with a big organisation in the exact industry im interested i#ofc it isnt a given that ill get it its only an interview but. it took 5 months to get a job and a dream interview in the space of a week#so. things are looking up! and damn good timing too sitting at home all the time was getting boring
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s2 episode 24 thoughts
this episode was quite spooky. because cannibalism is real. but something about scully about to get her head chopped off and boiled seemed more outlandish than all the aliens and the guy that kills people with his shadow or even lizard man eugene tooms!
which is strange. because those things are pretty outlandish! maybe its because it was so much scarier than even evil lizard men.
let’s jump in:
so this is an episode involving more meat. did we need more meat, after the earlier meat processing content in s2 episode 10? many are saying no. but not chris carter!
we begin at a dirt road at night. in the state of arkansas. we have an older man and a younger woman named paula in a car, which is not suspicious at all! /s
oh and now the old man choking? is this natural or did she induce it with some poison. i mean maybe he deserved it, if she did. he takes some pills, so I’m guessing it is due to natural causes. now she beckons him out to the woods.
into the woods. she says he has to catch her. is she luring him into a Bigfoot trap? we have yet to really see Bigfoot, and maybe he’s hungry. although Bigfoot is more Pacific Northwest than Arkansas, i think.
author's note: we tested negative for bigfoot in this episode :(
oh! this man tripped and is now surrounded by people with flashlights and very cool masks. get axe murdered, fucker.
back in DC! aforementioned fucker has been gone for 10 weeks and scully thinks the higher ups are sending them on a wild goose chase. “i’m not questioning the legitimacy of the case, just their motives in assigning it to us” <- damn, very well spoken by a rightfully suspicious woman
oh, but at the scene, someone saw a fire. and mulder says the fire is “supposed to be the spirits of massacred Indians” OH...
(mentally i was like, please do not be another scary Indigenous story episode. and we did in fact get that. sighs deeply. we can make things scary without making Indigenous people the scary ones! or using the trauma of genocide as a setting for spooky time! well, i'm sure you, dear reader, know that, so i shall not preach to the choir, but i will point out that these thoughts were going through my mind)
“these are only legends, mulder”, says a dismissive scully. and why is her hair looking excellent today. I mean not that it isn’t usually but damn. shoutout to the hair and makeup team.
the place on the side of the road where he went missing had a big fire! could be a bonfire, both parties thought. until mulder remembered a documentary he saw in college...
(hehehehe mulder spent college watching documentaries <3)
! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! wow it's been a while since i've gotten to format some text like that. he watched a documentary about an insane asylum in college and it gave him nightmares.
(and this may not be super relevant to his character, but to ME, it is, so i shall note it <3)
he's got the VHS from the doc all loaded up, and presses play on a guy rambling about a fire demon!! who was found in the same spot as the fire mark!!! dun dun dunnn
(love the implication that he either purchased his own copy of the documentary that gave him nightmares in college, or had to go rent it from the video store. both are wonderful possibilities)
cut to arkansas. mulder is on the scene holding a plastic fork from the ground. wearing his silly sunglasses. lmaooo idk why they make me laugh. what a serious gentleman.
sheriff arrives at the scene. he says the witch’s peg to ward off spirits is normal there and also that the fire mark comes from illegal trash burning. and, as an American i am aware of how Americans love an illegal trash burn. but still. suspicious.
sheriff says the missing man george was chasing women out of town. lovely sounding fellow /s
wife questioning time!! he left her years ago. oh, but tea: the day before he went missing he was going to cite major health violations in the chicken plant! hmm... a cause for murder?
mulder gives the wife his phone number. also mulder is also looking very good today. but that is an evil voice in my head that ought to be silenced.
noooo, it's chicken plant time. no thank you ma’am, i would be out in the car <3
paula from the woods at work in the plant!!! taking mystery pills. seemingly in pain??
chicken cutting cam. oh, this is not for me!
the agents chat with the manager, who says george was trying to shut them down. and while clocked in, paula is sweating. she just gasped in front of a whole bunch of chickens and some guy with very blue eyes. she sees a human head on the chicken stand and picks it up and throws it off. shoutout to this fake decapitated head and my best friends in the prop department for making such a funny creation.
(but of course, it was a hallucination, and she really just threw a poor chicken on the floor!!! his sacrifice was in vain... gone but not forgotten)
mulder is inspecting the chicken gutting operation and i've said it before and i'll say it again: he is braver than me.
ohh, more chicken drama: george was filing a lawsuit about “line hypnosis” and it was dismissed before he vanished! he deserved to win. is there a meat processing union? there ought to be. but he was the only one citing bad health practices, the other 3 workers said it was fine... sooo what’s the truth…
“what’s that” asks mulder, who then gets shown the feed processor, and asks “chickens feed on chickens?” <- heartbreaking realization. many of us remember where we were when learning this information. i'm sure it will stick with him forever. and i'm frankly surprised he didn't know already.
NAURRR THE SLUDGE AND BLOOD nasty nasty evil
OH plot twist: paula is holding the manager with a knife to his throat… scully telling everyone to calm down. personally i would be not calm. she said “don’t get excited” but me? experiencing an active hostage situation at my place of work? i would be excited
NOOO the sheriff shot her and she fell into the feed conveyor belt processing… thing. sheriff i KNOW you are covering something up. you will not hide from me.
SHE GETS GULPED INTO THE FEED BELT THINGY GAGGG it’s giving the jungle by upton sinclair that caused many american 8th graders to confront the corruption of the meat industry
paula had gone to the doctor about headaches… like george!!! doctor had assumed the condition was stress induced. and they did have similar symptoms.
treated them both with codine… ain’t that a bit strong?? this man doesn't seem to be a very good doctor, tbh. i mean i don't think the guy that works at the chicken plant to sew back on fingers needs to be an expert in everything but like. codine for headaches? umm girl.
mr. chaco of chaco’s chicken was paula’s grandfather… if i was a grandfather rich off of chicken money, my grandkids would not be working the processing line, let me tell u that much!
back to the agents: these two should not be looking as good as they do in a chicken processing plant. they had to really step it up today to compensate for the horrors of the set.
chicken man lives in a mansion. further evidence of corruption. paula, i would not have had you working in such conditions if i was your grandfather. there has been a deep wrong here, i can see already.
and he’s got a big hat and is feeding his chicken corn. not other chickens, like the feed he makes in his plant... seems he is aware of the ethical issues implied in his business. also, mulder with those weird ass glasses.
cacho is going on about the subject of chickens. and how he built this town. he sure is taking an awful lot of credit for creating a town, pretty sure that's a team effort mr. chaco. he's also going on about how he thought george was trying to tear him down.
AUTOPSY TIME!! rare degenerative disorder in da brain of paula. and scully has only seen it one other time back in med school because you can only really find it in an autopsy. nice work, doctor! <- i just typed “nice worm 🪱�� so we'll let that stay for the added sense of whimsy it provides
but despite looking like a young girl fresh out of high school, paula was born in '48?! she was 47 years old. allegedly. this is not adding up. so they go on a quest to find her birth certificate and see what the truth is.
debrief in the car. so: odds are not great that she and george had the same very rare disease
during this discussion, our duo are run off the road by a chicken truck!!!! no! oh... he drove them into a river. mulder has shifted into rescue mode as the river is red with chicken gore. i feel someone might be distracting them and trying to get the body… (this was actually not the case i was just overly suspicious)
but more chicken drama: the driver had the same symptoms as george and paula! how can this be?!
“i just came up with a sick theory, mulder” (grabs her shoulder) “ooh, I’m listening” LMAOOOO this is sososo funny to me. yeah tell me ur sick theories scully you have my full attention.
GAG!! because it is both gross and shocking. her theory: what if someone put george’s body in the feed grinder, and then since it’s a prion disease, a chicken ate it, and someone ate a chicken, and it spread to the humans!!!! AHHHH! well that would be an epidemic, because they ship chickens out across the country… she glances knowingly, implying things could be very bad
the river is filled with bird gore from the plant BLECH... who allows this??!! please say there are some modern regulations in place to prevent this being done irl.
mulder says he wants it dragged, thinking that maybe george is in there. and the sheriff is hesitant to do this. once again, i’m onto you, sheriff. i mean, a river full of chicken gore: it would be a good place to put a dead body.
and bam! a body is found. or rather. many many many bones. many bodies. and they are still going. damn.
so, we have a ton of bones. scully can put them into 9 distinct skeletons, one of which is in fact george. i love that she can do that, put the bones into distinct skeletons. she knows it's geroge from a pin in his femur!
“all of them share one, strange detail though” “well, they seem to have lost their heads” “… well, besides that” <- LMAOOOO idk why this was so funny to me... he really thought he picked up on something but he did Not.
here's the linking detail: all the bones are smooth and buffed like they have been polished. ??? who is polishing bones? it sure isn't me, i'll tell you that much.
george’s wife is at the scene, learning her husband's body has been found, and she is sobbing. and the sheriff says “we’ll take care of you” now what does THAT mean? because it's not really sounding like the welcoming words of a man who is going to guide his neighbor through tragedy, and instead like there is something bigger at play here...
back at the plant, the doctor is mentioning another guy coming down “with the symptoms”…. omg. so this IS a known thing from the inside. mr. chaco knows but he isn’t doing anything about it!!!!! chicken dramaaaa goes crazy
scully at the scene of all the bones, carrying a bucket of chicken. lmao. she is braver than me, for i would have gone vegan the first moment i set foot in chicken processing land.
mulder does some digging: 87 people have disappeared in the area in 50 years! that seems... a lot? and he thinks the same person or persons were responsible. he thinks they were EATEN!! boiled in a pot.
“they used similar evidence to prove cannibalism among on the Anasazi tribe of New Mexico” okay: 1. why do you know that 2. need to look into these allegations for myself and 3. Anasazi… that is the title of the next episode!!! what could this mean!! another cannibalism episode?!
scully is very sad to say that paula could have gotten sick from eating george :( girl I’m not convinced the chicken is clean put it down NOW
cannibalism = eternal life? follow for more crazy mulder theories!
she puts aside the chicken……. good!
mr. chaco says “he’ll handle it” and george's wife doris arrives, saying she “can’t keep lying”… she says “she did it” (!!)
OH????? she... killed her husband? that is a bold thing to admit to.
“we’re gonna take good care of you”, says mr. chaco, which raises the question: are they a cannibal cult???? is that what he means when he mentions that he “built this town”???
now what the hell is going on. <- an interjection i stand by
mulder and scully are going to the courthouse to look at the papers and all the birth records are burnt!! doris calls mulder and says he’s afraid mr. chaco will kill her… they split up…. nooooo i hate splitting up!!! i watched so much scooby doo as a kid!
GASP! a guy in a mask like we saw at the very beginning of the episode is in doris' home!!! drumbeat playing while she screams…. overall, this is very not good, i wrote, referring to the use of Indigenous imagery for this murder, and also doris being murdered in the first place
scully at the scene of the murder ft. big ass flashlight. she gets in through the side door. gun: out. trench coat: open. looks: served. diagnosis: baby girl that could kill me, and i am respectful of the fact that she has this power yet refrains from using it on me.
mulder at mr. chaco’s house. mr. chaco has some… stuff in his home. including photos with Indigenous people and also bones. having human bones in your house, and especially on display, is not a good sign of ethics in play. and a skull. Oh! it says the skull is from a tribe in New Guinea... why tf does he have that. put it back???
at the back of chaco's parlor, we see a mysterious door. mulder is busting it open.
LORD ALMIGHTY, I DID NOT THINK THERE WOULD BE HEADS INSIDE??? HELLO???
so that must be where all of the heads that mulder noticed were missing have gone. they're sewn up sort of like shrunken heads. very spooky. once again, pour one out for the props department for such a creation.
noooo chaco is in the house with scully, who was investigating the call of doris. NOOOO HE KNOCKED HER OUT!!! this seriously needs to stop happening like i'm worried about the brain damage she is experiencing.
back to mulder cam. goodness. all of these heads.
in a field now. doctor is serving some soup. to a bunch of people. who are eating around a big bonfire. do NOT tell me scully is in that meal....
she is not. YET! but he is bringing her over to be roasted. and they ate doris! chaco is yelling about turning on each other and how they were only supposed to eat outsiders. girl you shouldn't be eating anybody last time i checked.
man in the mask shows up with an axe. and chaco is decapitated in front of scully. who is put into the decapitation thingy next. GIRL THIS IS FUCKED UP!!!
mulder on the scene, just in time. he shoots the dude in the mask.
“you alright?” he asks, brushing her hair back after lifting her out of the decapitation machine. my good friend, i would venture to guess that she is not quite alright at the moment!!! this will take an awful lot of unpacking!!!
sigh. but the tenderness of the near death experience. coming back to life in someone's arms. yeah i'll romanticize that.
TEA!!! the sheriff was the one under the mask!!!!!! i knew he was up to no good.
wrap up: chicken place shut down. unclear how many citizens of the town ate people. 27 have become ill with prion disease. chaco’s plane was shot down in 1947, and he spent 7 months with a cannibalistic tribe, and also he was born in 1902, so he was 93 at his death- so the cannibalism really WAS extending life. and we see some more feed being scooped to the chickens as scully says his remains have yet to be found. end scene.
HUH???? what in da hell. so what are we thinking kids…?
well, i'll tell you something: turns out i am afraid of cannibal cults, no matter how outlandish they seem! i guess when you get a villain or evil situation of the week show like this, you WILL learn exactly what kind of fear pushes your buttons. i can imagine almost nothing scarier than being led to the slaughter like scully was. seems a purposeful commentary on the meat industry, especially when taken in with the other meat episode this season.
so, if i were scully, i do think i would need to take a week or so off. but she is just built different than i am.
some things bugged me here. first of all, like i mentioned, you don't need to throw in Indigenous people to make a scary story. like is the thought of a bunch of arkansas cannibals not horrific enough? the scary was there!
second, i have not been doing a kidnapping count, but i feel that scully is getting the rough of the deal here. i believe in gender equality when it comes to characters being kidnapped. like, an even 1:1 ratio. why are we denying mulder his damsel in distress arc? does anyone think about how he would feel? how nice it would be to see scully burst in with a gun and shoot the fellow that was about to cannibalize him?
still, it is rare an episode actually spooks me, so i must give credit where it is due. even if it felt a little outlandish, your girl was frightened! scully needs a vacation now. i also thoroughly laughed at the sick theories line and his funny sunglasses.
it's funny to note, but i like the episodes that are either very silly and light hearted, or incredibly angsty the best. and that may seem contradictory, but you cannot tell me that one breath and humbug may be on opposite ends of the tone spectrum, but they are both objectively Perfect. i'll have to think more on why they are the best in my opinion, but i think honestly i would watch these two read the dictionary.
#sigh. not related to the content of the episode beyond the fact that they were there like usual#but man i have such a terrible crush on both of them. like it is bad.#wish i was further in so i could stream some fancams without risking spoilers#i think i might be driven to angst the most? because some of my favorite episodes are ice and firewalker and one breath and the pilot#and also beyond the sea and ascension and i liked fallen angel too. AND young at heart. and darkness falls!#maybe what i'm really after is character driven scenes. i will eat them up everyyyy time. love when the girls are yelling.#need to think on the common denominator between the episodes i love the best. if u see a pattern pls feel free to share.#and also always tell me what u thought of this episode! i need to know if i ever love an episode the public hates#or am neutral on a beloved episode. or neutral on a neutral episode. any such combo really.#well! much to ponder upon.#i must go; big day tomorrow (job interview) woooo i need all the luck i can get! <3#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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^^ might be getting a job at a cute little ice cream shop on the beach in my town GRAGGHHH. i have a trial shift tomorrow i hope i dont cock it up
#ok i just need to rant in tags for a second.#i HATE HATE HATE applying for jobs at big companies#fucking no one wants to hire me cuz i don’t have experience cuz i wanted to focus on my schoolwork#but how do i get the experience huh. how am i supposed to. get a job.#if i need experience. but i need a job to get the experience#so i came to this shop and its like a family run thing#which in some ways is better it’s a lot more personal and im not#on the mcdonald’s front lines or something#but the husband of the guy who runs this place#started going on about the “woke generation#IN MY JOB INTERVIEW.#something about how the woke generation won’t do things if it’s not in their job title#????????????????and i looked at his twitter and he’s anti-immigrant as fuck#so now im just stuck between big bad corporation and racist andy#FUUUUCKS SAKE#anyway idgaf about him that much cuz his wife is nice#let’s hope i do well tomorrow#rambles#doodles#delete later
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Mr.United States Canada Mexico Panama
#animaniacs#yakko warner#WB kids#quick doodle with my new brush#I had a big inspection today#i am so so close to getting my professional degree i can almost taste it#after 5 years i can not wait for this part of my life to be over#im doing job applications tomorrow#and then Thursday is my last assignment which is like a interview it’s just#that’ll be it#ill be done#so excited to be a teacher#so here’s one of my childhood inspirations#and as overused as the nations of the world song is every child i have shown it to adores it so#seemed appropriate
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Once I get a job and buy a Troy and Abed in the Morning mug, that's when I think my life will be complete
#i need a Troy and Abed in the morning mug so so badly#having a job interview tomorrow and I really hope it goes well and i get the job!#nbc community#troy barnes#abed nadir
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I finally moved back to Seattle and it’s frankly ridiculous how much better my life has become even in just the last 48 hours
#toady talkin#y’all my friend literally organized a potluck to welcome me back and introduce me to people in the city#her gf is cooking us salmon that she caught yesterday AS WE SPEAK#i have a job interview tomorrow#the weather is characteristically gloomy but i drove over the pass and through a cloud and it was like heaven#anyway if you know in your soul that you belong somewhere then you need to do everything in your power to get there#that’s all love ya see ya soon
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looked through my gallery and found these two images next to each other… w h a t in the world happened in 2k22 man
#there was also longleg in that photoset but this aint about him#w h a t happened that made me compare yujiro with iggle piggle hello??????#anyway this is just me being a waste of space and oxygen (again) as i try to preemptively empty my annoying-ness reserves#ahead of a job interview tomorrow lest i say something stupid in response to their questions#like ‘i dont have any long term goals for the next 5 years for now. but my short term goal is to make money.’#idk why i said that during my last interview but im def not getting that bread#some things will just remain a mystery ig… like the yujiro-igglepiggle comparisons that past me apparently did#maybe c-19 cooked my brain idk. though through that gallery browsing spree i realised that im like 3 years overdue for my hep-b vax booster#well. too late for that now ig~~~~~~~~~~#hmmmmmmm… maybe i should finally finish the next chapter of idol sengen tomorrow… it’s like half done anyway so…#b u t the next chapters after this one are sooooo text heavy and it’s a p a i n to deal with—#hmm. well. i’ll deal with that when the time comes ig… s i g h s#anyways that’s it for my annoying quota of the day (and hopefully tomorrow’s as well) see you for daily nagisa in a while~~~~~~
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Ollie unemployment era... Is over.
🎉
#ollie talks.txt#I still have a second interview tomorrow and a training course ofc but from what I've heard from her#and the enthusiasm of getting me on board#yeah the job is pretty much mine
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My controversial opinion about The Bear is that Sydney and Carmy have one of those character dynamics where them being in a romantic relationship/having romantic feelings for each other is the least interesting option, and I’m not just saying that because Carmy gives me aro vibes
#look everyone can interpret fiction how they want etc etc#but they have this really interesting complex dynamic as character foils#and Carmy’s like. dooming her to become him basically#and I’m sure there’s a way to preserve that as a romance but I think it kind of flattens that dynamic into something much more conventional#also like. people can care about each other deeply for reasons other than romance#sorry I spent like a couple of days in the main tags after season 2 and it was very shipping based#which again do want you want but the presumption that that was the only interpretation was. annoying#I don’t usually complain about fandoms but I have a job interview tomorrow and this is how I’m getting the nerves out#kvetch oc
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another weekend, another job rejection!
#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal#Of Working In A Fucking Library#just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises#anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or#graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal#relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and#be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges#i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is#everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me#2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to#go further into debt#anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s#everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333#like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails
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MOTHERFUCKERS I AM GOING TO SURVIVE THE WEEK FROM HELL 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
#officially past the half way point in exams#got rejected from the job i interviewed for on Tuesday which is a pain because ive wasted so much revision time on job applications#hmmmm#but i have my 5th exam of the week tomorrow and thank fod#its the easiest of the lot because im so tired#then 3 days to prepare for an exam on Tuesday which could be a bit of a disaster tbh but that's what these three days are for#and then nearly 2 weeks until the nightmare exam from hell which i hate but have time to sort out hopefully#oh my god i can't wait for this to be over#im at that point in a Mentor Pilot video where he goes 'and now things are going to start happening really quickly'#(about the critical moment in a plane crash where things often go wrong/ get out of control very quickly)#but the plane is still in the air i still getting it done#not fantastically but its getting done all the same#rambles
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hiiii besties i'm back <3
#god it's been almost a month of me not posting?? (except for my personal updates) oops#i just wanted to say i just passed my last exam#i passed all of them with flying colours hehe#but i haven't slept for more than 6 hours at night for more than a month and i feel like i'm getting sick#work has been tough too and i failed one job interview... i have less than 3 weeks to find another job but i'm not giving up!!#also i already told everyone at work that i'm leaving and i cried A LOT this week...#but don't worry it was because they were so sweet and supportive :')#so today i'm going to watch a movie and relax#and tomorrow i will finally go for a walk!!! a long walk!!!#and i'm going to waste my time on tumblr (i say that with love) and reblog all the posts i've missed for the past month#and reply to your messages and asks <3#i missed you!!!!#k.txt#oh wait nvm i forgot it's sanremo finale today asdfghjh i'm going to have fun reading my italian mutuals' posts
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Why can't I ever fucking hold a stable job in my life
#vent#yeah its my last day of my temp job tomorrow#and yeah i didnt get hired for the place i got interviewed at two times#im starting to think im the problem#my therapist says i have a high work ethic but idk....#so pissed rn
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What does a man have to do not to live in constant dread
#this is about school#mostly#i hate it here chat#what am i to do#someone.....if you have any advice... please#i have an oral test tomorrow i have to learn by heart two texts in chinese and learn 100 new vocabulary words#help. drowning#literally#can no longer keep it up#for the record I'm demotivated because my efforts never take me to satisfactory results#and yea sure nothing changes overnight#but like. I've been trying for at least 8 years now? aren't things supposed to get better after a while I'm trying?#I've tried changing methods eh#anyways. unsatisfactory results. and it gets frustrating because I feel so disappointing because I know before starting that I won't be abl#to do The Thing. get to complete homework? memorise something? BE ABLE TO FUCKING TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO TALK???#you name it. i just can't do it#in school specifically but outside too#only outside of school i don't whip my ass about it because who fucking cares#but this is something that will influence my future chances of getting jobs too#like i cant talk the way i do in a job interview nobody's going to think i have basic communication skills or even basic human skills at al#ah nevermind it's fine#I'll find a way#some day#i guess#the unsilly
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i got another job interview. at a coffee shop so if i don't get it i'll be Upset.
#it's tomorrow!#getting an interview so close to when im leaving for ny is a little scary but it would be nice to have a job to come back to.#not thrilled to work for a corporate chain again but i do love being a barista. and it's not starbucks! so.#it was funny tho bc i went there to get coffee and when i got home before i even turned the car off they called me. like hey i was just ther#ri.txt
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