#I have a grand total of two exes and a handful of failed first dates lol

[cxffee-addxct]

Do you have a girlfriend?

Nope!

I haven’t had a partner since I was 18 lmao

I did go on a date last Wednesday but I don’t think it’ll go anywhere. He was really sweet and we clicked but I’m not really sure I want to be in a relationship right now

[rrxnjun]

where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him. 

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude. 

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all. 

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would. 

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe. 

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…” 

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier. 

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose. 

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one. 

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence. 

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–” 

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now–  as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does. 

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– …I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?” 

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help. 

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice. 

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car. 

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack. 

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this? 

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening. 

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place. 

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn’t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind. 

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain. 

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different. 

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike. 

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile. 

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest. 

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about. 

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning. 

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now. 

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body. 

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface. 

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft. 

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?” 

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you. 

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more. 

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough. 

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed? 

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him. 

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time. 

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair. 

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him. 

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again. 

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else. 

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge. 

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression. 

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?” 

“Hm?” 

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence.  “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

[newgenog]

REVENGE

Notes: This is part three of chapter four. If you're just stumbling across this, and haven't already done so, please stop and start by reading part one of chapter one.

This #Batwoman AU is based on the ABC tv series #Revenge. Ryan Wilder made a choice to be a hero on Batwoman. What happens when she chooses a different path?

Part 3 is short, but remember I've got parts in total for your. A lot happens in this chapter, so it'll be worth it, I promise!

Enjoy this snack.

CHAPTER FOUR - DUPLICITY (Part Three)

Ryan goes after the psychologist who evaluated her after her mom’s death, and determined that she should serve out her time in a youth correctional facility.

JUNE 30TH, 9:00AM, THE HOLD UP

At ten minutes before 9am, Sophie was the first one at the bar, but not for long, because Tyler was right behind her with his laptop bag thrown over his shoulder and a coffee in each hand. 

Sophie: "Morning."

Tyler: "Wasn't sure how you take it, but figured you'd have milk or sugar here, anyway."

When he reaches the bar, he hands her a cup, and she nods in thanks. Her sister and Angelique walk in, next.

Sophie: "We can work in the office. I just need a minute."

Jordan: "Tell me why we're here two hours early, again. And why is there a Crow in our bar?"

Sophie: "If you want more freedom, you're going to have to train Angelique to do more than bartend."

Jordan: "Isn't that your job, boss?"

Sophie: "Actually, my job is to tell you what yours is, and this morning, it's training Angelique. Tyler, let's go."

She spares herself Jordan's eye roll and any forced small talk with Angelique by quickly turning and heading towards the office without checking to make sure Tyler followed her. He said he followed the chain of command…If they were going to work together, he might as well start falling in line now. When she sits behind her desk, he's already begun taking the seat in front of her.

Tyler: "I can't believe you hired that ex-con. And isn't she an addict?"

Sophie: "I didn't, my mom did. And she's recovered. Also, what if we judge the system that failed her instead of the person who fell victim to it. And I thought you weren't here about my restaurant management skills."

Tyler: "Okay, didn't mean to offend your bestie."

Sophie: "Wrong again. I think I'm starting to see why Jacob Kane needs my help if this is your people reading A-game."

Tyler: "Wow! You're really not a morning person are you?"

Sophie: "Tyler…Before we travel beyond the point of return, why don't we discuss what you came for?"

Tyler: "Fine with me. You were so closed to the idea of working with us the other night, we never settled on your terms. I need an agreement and NDA signed before I can show you anything."

Sophie: "I'm five grand a week. Take it or leave it, if you even have the authority to make that decision."

Tyler smirks.

Tyler: "I do."

Sophie: "And since you came to me, we do things my way. I need access to everything. You guys are the ones with corruption, and if I'm going to find out what's going on, it won't be by piecemealing information together because your boss wants to keep secrets. You never know what's relevant, so I need it all. If I ask questions you won't answer, I'm out."

Tyler: "Be reasonable. Even I don't have that much clearance."

Sophie: "And maybe that's why you're failing. I'll sign whatever is required, but get me the clearance, or there's no point."

Tyler takes a beat to think, not breaking eye contact with her. Jacob had a lot of conviction around Sophie Moore, and her reputation from her time with the DOD in National City did precede her. He pulls out a Crows branded folder, opens it and writes something on a sheet of paper. He turns it around so Sophie can read the print. He's written the date and her fee onto a contract on the lines that were left blank. The file already has Jacob Kane's signature on it, and there are other pages behind it."

Tyler: "We're giving you a ten thousand dollar sign on. Boss said to double your rate for that. The NDA is behind it. Sign that, and I'll let you get started looking through what I was already working on while I make a call about your clearance. Worst case, you were paid for your consult today."

Sophie really can't fathom walking away from ten thousand dollars for two hours of her time. She quickly scans the documents, and then grabs a pen and signs. She looks up, and flips her palm out so he can give her whatever he needs reviewed. He drops a flash drive into her hand. 

Tyler: "Password is question everyone. Question mark, capital E for every, the number one."

Sophie gives him a grimace instead of a smile as he turns and walks out of the room, she assumes to call Jacob. She calls out to him before he's out of earshot.

Sophie: "I'm making copies of this."

She puts the drive into her computer and starts scrolling through the files and folders. One folder quickly catches her eye, and compulsion completely wins out over her ethics for a moment. She opens the file, which has very little in it, and prays her semi-photographic memory doesn't let her down this time, as she tries to retain everything her eyes can see.

She hears footsteps approaching and quickly closes out of the file she was reading, just barely resisting the unexplainable urge to delete it. 

~~~~~

12 HOURS LATER 

Mary takes a seat at the bar, big sister sitting again, and Jordan comes over to greet her.

Mary: "You look beat."

Jordan: "Sophie's had us here all day, and she's barely come out of that office."

Mary catches a glimpse of a petite, latinx looking, late-twenty something with a high pony, shuffling around in a hurry behind Jordan and raises a brow.

Mary: "Us? Who's the new girl?"

Jordan: "Her name's Angelique. My mom hired her. She's cool, I guess."

Mary: "Still deciding, eh?"

Jordan cracks a small smile. She's always liked Mary. 

Jordan: "Do you want me to try to get Sophie to come out?"

Mary: "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. She's gotta pee or something eventually, right? And, I can bug you for a while instead."

Jordan laughs while shaking her head no.

Jordan: "I think they taught her how to forget she has a bladder at Point Rock."

Mary: "Even soldiers have to go at some point. I'll bust her out of there eventually if she takes too long."

Jordan: "You are pretty good at convincing her to do stuff. I'll have to remember that."

Mary: "Depending on the ask, I'm happy to lend my services. She doesn't always know what's good for her."

Jordan: "Girl…! You know what? I'll be here all night if I start on that right now. Let me go see what your evil not-twin and her lackeys want to order."

Mary: "I'm following up on that other part when you get back!"

Jordan walks over to the cartoon crew, who seem like characters of themselves, and asks if they want their usual. They barely acknowledge her, because they're being too rowdy. She notices Tatiana is missing and likes them even less. So she takes them basically ignoring her as a yes, and walks off. 

Tatiana is returning from the restroom and catches Jordan heading back behind the bar. So, she takes a seat at it instead of going straight back to the table. When Jordan notices her, she walks over before entering the table's order.

Jordan: "Thought maybe you finally realized there are better people to hang out with than those Lord of the Flies wannabes."

Tatiana: "Throwback! No, I haven't ditched them yet."

Jordan: "Why is that again?"

She shrugs.

Tatiana: "They keep inviting me out, and I don't like to say no."

Jordan lifts her eyebrows, implying, 'if you say so…'

Jordan: "I was just about to put their usual order in. Want anything different?"

Tatiana: "You don't like us, but you have our order memorized?"

Jordan: "I remember everyone's order. It's like remembering a nickname for me. And why'd you group yourself with them like that?"

Tatiana: "Because you never came out again after that one time. Thought maybe I pissed you off too."

Jordan: "Oh, um…my mom got sick the night I went out with you guys, which felt like Karma telling me to chill. So, I've been trying to help out a little more. But you and I are cool. I do wish you had different friends though."

Tatiana: "You could invite me out with your friends sometime."

Jordan: "As soon as I make some, you'll be the first to know." 

Jordan salutes Tatiana, and then turns to finally place the order. It wasn't that Jordan literally had no friends, but she was never the type to go out. She took a year off of school because she thought she should live a little prior to tackling even greater education.

School, running, volunteering, and activism were her life. She liked long distance running because it didn't feel like a team sport; she could be as good at it as she wanted all on her own. And she was smart, but she wasn't a straight A student because she'd rather go to a protest than go to class, so she missed assignments here and there. In fact, one teacher called her "a missed opportunity." 

So while she was accepted everywhere she applied, she wasn't getting any full rides to college. And even though she was more or less a good kid, she was too busy to help out at the restaurant throughout most of high school. All the work she'd been doing around the bar recently wasn't exactly the "living," she imagined she'd be doing though. The temptation to cut loose was sometimes strong, and the wonderland gang almost made it too easy, so she'd given herself one night off of loathing them to see what the hype was about. It didn't end up being worth it.

Mary calls her over after she's done keying the order into the computer. She'd watched the exchange with Tatiana, and is curious.

Mary: "So, are you guys, like, friends now or something?"

Jordan: "I don't know. She's not exactly like them, but she doesn't seem bothered by them, and that makes her questionable."

Mary: "So you inherited that 'save the girl' Moore thing?"

Jordan: "What's that?"

Mary: "Even without the career, Sophie will put herself in harm's way for someone she thinks might be worthy enough to have their back. That's Tatiana for you."

Jordan: "You saying I have some sort of savior complex?"

Mary: "I'm saying you're a good person, but make sure your back is covered when you're busy watching someone else's, too. Not everyone worthy of being saved can or wants to be saved. It might be trying to help them that causes you the most harm."

Jordan nods in understanding, and agreement to think about what Mary said before heading back out to check on her other tables.

~~~~~

To be continued...

Happy Week of Lesbian visibility (wildmoore represents us so well)

All #Batwoman things I do now are in the name of #SaveBatwoman. Go follow all the social handles and support the cause, please.

[lefaystrent]

Nursing Home au

Patton works at the nursing home as a registered nurse, because the man truly cares for people.

He oversees the activities of the rest of the nursing staff, and he’s always keeping them in high spirits.

There’s a vacancy for a nursing aide. Who could possibly fill that position?

It’s Virgil.

At first, Patton honestly doesn’t think Virgil should have been hired there.

Patton had seen Virgil during the hiring process, and his personality didn’t seem like a … good fit. Too closed-off and kinda gruff, and probably not a good bedside manner, right?

Plus there was that criminal record to consider …

But the nursing home administrator hires him anyway, and Virgil joins the staff.

Patton keeps a close eye on Virgil.

Yes he feels guilty, but even Patton isn’t free from prejudices.

Virgil goes about his work very meticulously.

He arrives five minutes early every day, without fail.

He never complains about the tasks he’s been given, just quietly accepts them in a way that makes Patton and the others wonder what he’s really thinking.

He doesn’t talk casually with the other staff much, giving short answers whenever prompted.

Patton worries about the staff’s morale as a team.

Surprisingly, he starts hearing a lot of praise about Virgil. Not from the other staff members, but from the patients themselves.

One of them, a man named Roman, sounds like he’s complaining about him.

“And then he started criticizing my favorite movies!”

“I’m so sorry sir, I’ll talk to him about that.”

“What are you talking about? Kid had some good points. I like him.”

Patton starts subtly bringing up Virgil in conversations while visiting with the patients. For some, he doesn’t even have to warm up to the subject. They stop him in the hallway.

“Patton hun, you know that new boy with the eye-makeup?”

“Yes ma’am, that would be Virgil.”

“He’s so sweet. He helped me with my phone, it’s one of those smart ones? It wasn’t working right, and he fixed it. He’s a smart boy.”

The biggest sign is when one patient—Logan Crofters, who’s a notorious nitpicker—actually voices his approval of Virgil.

“He’s not an idiot,” is all Logan says on the matter, which coming from him, it’s high praise.

Patton doesn’t really understand yet why the patients have taken such a liking to him, but he endeavors to try harder to see who Virgil really is. Mostly he’s glad that his first impression seems to be wrong.

Virgil, for his part, doesn’t understand why the patients like him either.

He just knows that they do.

One of them goes out of their way to call him over to ask for his opinion on what color scarf to knit for their granddaughter.

Another one makes a point to introduce him to their visiting family.

Lots of them seem to like to talk his ear off in general and give him life advice.

Virgil doesn’t really mind it. He’s not used to people wanting to talk to him so much, and to be honest he could use some of the advice.

And the stories they have to share are kinda wild.

He likes bantering with the one old dude, Roman.

“I’ll have you know I’ve killed many a dragon witch in my day.”

“Was this before or after you went senile?”

“Brat.”

“Old fart.”

And then there’s Logan, the elderly man in a wheelchair. He’s probably the smartest man Virgil has ever talked to.

“You’d be surprised how many people assume I’m stupid.”

“You’re in a wheelchair, not braindead dude.”

“Yes, but I am old and crippled, and many people cannot separate physical inadequacy from mentality.”

“Well most people are idiots.”

Logan shows off his dentures in a rare grin.

After those two, there’s Remus.

Even the other staff members warn Virgil in advance about him.

It takes Virgil a month into working there to realize that he’s Roman’s brother.

It really should have been obvious.

“Virgil, where would you bury a body?”

“Why bury it when you can just burn it? Or feed it to some pigs; they’ll eat anything.”

“… oh, I like you.”

Okay, not so obvious, because Remus is a crazy old coot. But he’s got a lot of ideas and grand stories like Roman, only darker themed.

Virgil is convinced Remus is fucking with him to get a reaction out of him.

“He only says all that to get a rise out of you,” Logan confirms.

Challenge accepted.

Virgil continues being a bomb ass nurse.

He’s always super self conscious around his superior, Patton.

He knows Patton is wary of him and Virgil is terrified of messing up in front of him.

Or messing up in general. Poor babe really is too hard on himself.

Even the patients worry about him from time to time.

“You getting enough sleep at night, son? Ya got bags under your eyes!”

“That’s makeup, sir. You know that’s my makeup.”

“Hahaha, but it was funny, right? But seriously, are you sleeping enough?”

And Virgil can’t count how many times they’ve thrown food at him.

“You’re too skinny. You need to eat more.”

“I already eat a lot. I’ve got a high metabolism.”

“Is that one of those social media sites?”

“Roman, if you don’t stop acting stupid—”

“Kidding! I have an Instagram after all. Which you should totally follow me, by the way.”

It’s like suddenly being adopted and Virgil is now the grandson to many old folk.

He’s not even surprised when someone tries to set him up with one of their grandchildren.

What does surprise him is that it’s Logan.

“You should meet my grandson, Remy. Judging from what I’ve observed of your personality, you two would be compatible.”

“Huh, that’s funny, Roman’s got a grandson named Remy too.”

“Yes, Remy is both our grandson.”

“Wait, what?”

“We used to be married, Roman and I. Didn’t you know he was my ex-husband?”

Somehow Virgil has missed that.

But he is so going to grill them for details, because Roman with Logan?

Roman jumps on board when Virgil brings it up.

“Yes! Remy! You would be perfect for him! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it first!”

Virgil laughs it off because they can’t be serious.

Of course, they’re very serious.

Virgil is doing his rounds when he walks into Roman’s room and a guy not too far off from his own age standing there in a leather jacket and shades.

“Oh, you are cute,” the guy says in a way that lets Virgil know that he’s clearly heard about Virgil before.

Roman is exceedingly proud.

Virgil officially meets Remy, the grandson.

It’s awkward.

By the end of it, Virgil apparently has a date after work that he swears he doesn’t remember agreeing to.

Remy’s waiting for him in the lobby.

“You ready for the night of your life, babe?”

“…”

“Wait, you’re walking the opposite direction. Come back.”

Virgil goes out to eat with Remy.

Remy actually apologizes for his grandfathers.

“They’re cool old gay dudes, but they can be really pushy. They’ve been complaining about me being single for like yeaaars. Um, maybe I like being single?”

“Do you?”

“Okay, a bitch is lonely, but gurl, I can find a man or whoever on my own, amirite?”

“Why’d you agree to this then?”

“’Cause you really are cute and seem cool. Plus can we just talk about your aesthetic for a sec? What products do you use on your hair? The purple dye is perf.”

It’s not really a date.

But Virgil might have made a friend out of it, at least.

Virgil finds himself talking about it the next day with Patton.

It just sort of happens.

“They set me up with their grandson.”

“Oh Remy? You’ve met him?”

“Yeah…”

“Well? How’d it go?”

“Uh … I’m not sure? Like, I’m pretty sure we established it wasn’t really a date. But I think we might …”

“Might what?”

“Be … friends?”

“That’s nice, Virgil,” Patton says in a way that Virgil can tell he means it.

Virgil shrugs. “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m gonna tell his granddads though. Their gonna jump on me as soon as they see me. God old people love to gossip more than teenagers.”

“Just try to let them down easy, okay? They really adore Remy and just want him to be happy.”

It’s the first conversation Virgil has with him that doesn’t make him nervous.

The days go by and Virgil is starting to feel like he’s really settling in.

He still doesn’t understand why the patients like him so much.

Not until Patton finally sheds some insight.

It’s a busy enough day, and then Remus has one of his episodes.

He’s screaming and the other staff members who are more experienced with dealing with him are trying to settle him down.

Virgil hears the commotion from down the hall and comes running into the day room where all the patients gather and visit or watch tv.

“He gets like this sometimes,” Logan tells him. Roman sits silently beside him holding his hand, lips pressed in a thin white line and eyes not looking away from the chaotic scene.

Remus is throwing things at the nurses, yelling something about how the lights are trying to eat him.

“It’s best to stay back, Virgil,” Logan tells him.

Virgil doesn’t listen.

He goes and turns off the lights.

There’s still enough sunlight filtering in through the windows, enough to see. But everyone looks around.

Virgil pushes through the other staff.

He nudges Patton aside who had been attempting to console him.

Patton wants to pull him back. Remus is in a vulnerable state of mind right now and it could be bad for either of them.

But Virgil leans in and starts talking in a low voice to Remus.

And … it’s working.

Remus’s screams taper off.

He doesn’t look any less confused or scared. Just subdued.

“I want to go,” he says, eyes looking through everyone there. “Want to go back to my room now. Want to go back.”

“Okay, we can go, Remus. Let’s go,” Virgil says and guides him out.

It’s a slow process, but they make it to his room, Patton hovering close the entire way.

They give Remus a mild sedative to help him relax.

When Virgil walks out of the room, Roman is standing there.

He doesn’t say anything to Virgil, but he claps a hand on his shoulder.

There’s gratitude glistening in his eyes.

Roman goes into the room.

Virgil leaves for the break room. He’s definitely earned a break.

Plus his hands are kind of shaking, but shhhhh, don’t tell anyone.

After a long time, Patton comes into the room.

He sits at the table with Virgil.

“He’ll be fine,” Patton assures him.

“I didn’t say I was worried for him.”

Patton smiles and shakes his head.

“They all love you, you know?” he surprises Virgil by saying. “The patients. You do a lot of good by them.”

Virgil shrugs. “I don’t see why. I’m just me. Just doing my job. Nothing special.”

“You treat them like people.”

Patton leans closer over the table. Virgil doesn’t look away.

“You listen to them. And you talk to them, like they’re people. And for them, these people who have lost a lot of their independence and are often left forgotten here by even their own families—that’s worth a lot.”

Virgil doesn’t know if he believes all that.

But it’s a nice thought.

[wendip-week]

What If: Quicksand

It had been roughly seven years since that fateful summer in Gravity Falls when the second-generation of the appropriately-named Mystery Twins visited the town for the first time. For the next couple of summers, Dipper and Mabel Pines would visit their true-home at their Grunkle Stan’s infamous Mystery Shack and have plenty of grand and minor adventures.

A few years after the events of Bill Cipher being annihilated, Dipper and Mabel would come to an arrangement with their parents, allowing them to live and continue their education in Gravity Falls (an arrangement the two had kind of wished they had thought of on their first summer). They could live with the people and weird-elements that really helped them to thrive. After graduating high-school, the extended-family would continue their fun, dangerous adventures while pursuing their futures. Mabel would become a growing social-media personality. Dipper would finally begin his full-time apprenticeship under his great-uncle Ford. But before that, he’d make another endeavor, arguably harder than his pursuit of paranormal-science: Dipper would ask out his best friend and long-time crush, Wendy.

Yes, she shot him down when he was twelve, making it clear she wanted a platonic-relationship. However, over the years, things began to change. Puberty had been good to Dipper, making him much taller and far less scrawny than he had been. At the age of sixteen, having grown closer to the girl he never completely got over, he finally found the confidence to officially ask her on a real date. That time, she agreed. They’d been an item since.

Now, Dipper and Mabel were nineteen, Wendy was twenty-two, Soos was twenty-nine, and the Stans were old (they refused to give an exact-age at this point). Mabel was an online-college student and making a few bucks online, as well, while Dipper was in the middle of his studies. Wendy was enjoying being out of college, having gotten an Associate’s Degree in General Studies, and free to offer her assistance to the Pines-family whenever adventure called (or anything fun in general).

Currently, the family was doing a little of both. After the events of Weirdmageddon, Stan and Ford took to traveling across the globe and investigating paranormal mysteries outside of the valley surrounding Gravity Falls. If at all possible, they liked to travel by sea, like they’d planned on since they were young. Besides their investigations, it also presented opportunities to look for lost treasure or check out sea-babes (though they were cautious to avoid Sirens…).

Through some contacts of theirs, Stan and Ford had found out of a small, unmarked pocket of weirdness out somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. While they typically took a couple months of planning, this seemed doable without such extra preparations, especially since they had quite a few extra hands who were more than willing to come along. Of course, some only volunteered after they found out a certain arrangement had been made.

One enemy-turned-ally of the Mystery Crew (and a member of the failed Zodiac) was Pacifica Northwest, rich heiress of the semi-disgraced Northwest-family. After graduating high-school, she was immediately called to help her family restore their currently-meager fortune. Inexperienced though she was, she was still a Northwest, so she had some innate-talent for finding lucrative business-opportunities. In this case, she found out about this little trip from her ex-boyfriend, Dipper Pines, with whom she was still on good terms. Knowing that there was a small island in that area that was going to be explored, Pacifica saw an opportunity.

Her family had been forced to liquidate a number of assets (property, business-shares, etc.) to still live in relative-comfort, invest in the future, and not have to get day-jobs like most of their neighbors. One particular asset was that island that they had originally used as both a summer-home and a potential-means of business (if there was any oil or valuable-minerals). Unfortunately, they had not been able to sell or rent it for some odd reason. Most interested parties never even really got back to them after going to check it out. However, seeing as though she had connections in the form of paranormal-scientists and investigators, she might be able to turn this around.

That’s why the Mystery Crew were currently on an island. Pacifica offered to let them use it as a base-of-operations in exchange for a quick sweep of the area, just to check if there was anything wrong with it. Of course, there was other uses for it. It did, after all, have a beach and a well-furnished house (with plenty of natural power-sources for electric-appliances) not far from it. It would be an opportunity for a mini-vacation for both sets of twins, Wendy, and even Soos, who left the Mystery Shack in the capable-hands of his Abuelita.

  //

  Back at in Gravity Falls, the Mystery Shack was currently open, and boy, was business booming! Melody and her grandmother-in-law were at the register, making sales left-and-right while trying to keep the seemingly endless crowd of customers in order.

“Wow, Abuelita!” Melody stated, handing a customer the Shack’s newest piece of merchandise. “Who would have guessed tourists were such fans of your hand-made doilies?”

“Is gift of mine,” Abuelita replied. “Tomorrow, we sell pot-holders.”

  //

  For Dipper, however, this presented another opportunity…

Now, here they all were, relaxing on a small beach far from human-civilation. Soos was building a sandcastle, or rather, a sand-replica of the Mystery Shack. Stan and Ford were making plans near their anchored boat. Mabel and Wendy were hitting a beach ball back-and-forth in the water (and staying withing reasonable distance, as there was no lifeguards). And Dipper was recording their fun on his phone.

Well, he was mostly video-recording Wendy’s fun. He had always been crazy about her. How could he resist when she was clad in a bikini? After watching her splash a bit, the nerd decided he should probably make it look like he was interested in other things going on (which wasn’t entirely untrue). He came over to Stan and Ford, sporting tropical shirts and sun hats.

“Hey, guys,” Dipper said, pointing the camera to face his great-uncles. “So how are things looking?”

“Great!” Stan replied with a grin. “According to Pointdexter, the source of weirdness might actually be sunken treasure, after all. We’re gonna be rich!”

“Perhaps, Stanley. But bear in mind that we might not yet have the resources to retrieve such an item (if it is, in fact, treasure). It could require a submarine, of all things. And there’s the possibility of it being cursed. However, we can for sure locate it. And depending on the circumstances, even if we can’t clear out the weirdness here right now, we can still establish a safe travel-route for sailors everywhere.”

Stan groaned. “I’m just gonna say that it’s treasure,” he muttered.

After a bit of back-and-forth, Dipper decided he wanted to check out more of his girlfriend, who was laying back on an innertube, floating around with a pair of sunglasses (and an extra coat of sunscreen, considering she was a pale-redhead and a bit easier to burn). Dipper stood back at a reasonable distance, watching and recording. He was so fixated that he didn’t notice a body just beneath the surface of the water approach and slowly rise out of the water.

Before he could sense another presence, the young adventurer suddenly found himself splashed hard from behind. He turned and shouted in surprise: “MABEL!”

His excitable twin gasped in faux-shock. “My goodness! Do my ears deceive me? Does my doofus-brother realize there’s other people on the island besides him and his not-subtle crush?” she asked with a smirk.

“Mabel, you made me drop my phone!” Dipper said in irritation. He looked around for a second before finally finding it in the water. He groaned, before turning back to Mabel, eyes rather cross. “And she’s my girlfriend. I don’t have to be subtle!” As he said this, he subtly patted the pocket on his trunks, making sure a certain object was still there.

“Yeah, Mabes,” Wendy said, as she approached, now out of her tube. “He doesn’t have to insert how much he loves me under his breath in our conversations. Now he can just say it in his normal voice.” Dipper blushed. “Hey, is your phone okay?”

Dipper looked at his wet phone. “I… think it still works? Oh, better turn off that recording!”

Wendy whistled. “You’re lucky, dude. I so hate waiting for my phones to dry in rice! It takes forever and there’s no guarantee it solves the problem.”

Dipper nodded. “True.”

“Hey, I’m kind of thirsty. Let’s go back to the house. I think we forgot the cooler,” Wendy told her boyfriend.

“Sounds good.” The young-adult couple, leaving Mabel behind. “Hey, I’m still here, you know!”

“Leave them be, Hambone,” Soos said, walking over to Mabel. “Let them enjoy this while they can. One day, they’ll probably be married. And after the honeymoon, it’s work-work-work.”

“… You say this from experience, don’t you?” Mabel asked.

“Yes, I do,” Soos told her. “And it’s totally worth it.”

Mabel just blew a raspberry. “Oh, Soos! That doesn’t make any sense.”

  //

  Sure enough, Dipper and Wendy found the large cooler on the porch. After lugging it to the beach, the two cracked open a couple of cold Pitt Colas.

“Mmm… I pity the rest of the world. They don’t have access to this kind of soda,” Wendy said with a burp. “Excuse me.”

“Tell me about it,” Dipper agreed. “Of course, the occasional pit inside the can might be a bit of a turn-off for some people.”

The tall redheaded adult shrugged. “Whatever. So, what do you wanna do now?” she asked after finishing her soda.

Dipper smiled. This was his chance. “Want to go on a walk along the beach; just the two of us?”

“That sounds awesome, dude. Let’s just dump our trash first.”

The young couple dropped their now-empty cans into the trash bag the family brought along, and let Stan and Ford know what they were doing.

“Okay, but be careful,” Ford told them. “We haven’t scanned for potential threats like Ms. Northwest requested. Don’t go out too far.”

Wendy nodded. “You got it, Professor Pines. We’ll keep our eyes peeled. Come on, man,” she said, leading Dipper away.

Stan chuckled. “Ah, to be young and in love, then cheated out of your winnings… Think we still got a chance in such a game, Sixer?”

Ford looked at his brother. “I’d say our chances are very slim, Stanley (at least in this dimension). Even more unlikely is the possibility of kids. On the other hand, I don’t think that’s ever stopped you before…”

“Darn right, it hasn’t!”

  //

  Dipper and Wendy walked slowly along the beach’s shoreline, just enjoying the scenery around them, as well as each other’s company.

Wendy sighed. “I tell you, between twelve and fifteen, I would never have seen myself somewhere like this, at best, maybe a dirty, local beach. And between fifteen to eighteen, I could only see myself getting somewhere this nice by running away from home and hopping cars and trains for a while. I love how life surprises us…”

“I know,” Dipper replied, putting his arm around her. “I always imagined myself as an adventurer, but before Gravity Falls, I thought that would just stay a fun daydream. Now here I am, on a mysterious island with my family and the coolest, most-beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

“Oh, dude!” Wendy made a face. “That’s so mushy!”

“Sorry…”

“I didn’t say stop, though,” she said, grinning.

Dipper returned that expression, albeit blushing as he did so. After a moment he got bashful and looked forward. “Man, that is such a beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” he said, trying to change the subject.

“Hold it. Are you going to go with the ‘not as beautiful as you’ line? Okay, as much as I love cheesy romantic-talk in an ironic way, please don’t say that, of all things.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Dipper replied. “Even though it’s true. I was going to say that it reminds me of the moment I first really realized I was crushing on you. It was on the Mystery Shack roof.”

“That sounds about right, dude,” Wendy said thoughtfully. “Points for that line.” Wendy looked at the horizon, with the sun’s reflection across the water, the clouds and light across the sky making resemble an abstract canvas of orange and purple. “It is beautiful, though.” Wendy laid her head on her dork’s shoulder, admiring the view.

“We shouldn’t waste this opportunity,” Dipper said after a few minutes.

“Oh? What did you have in mind?” Wendy responded.

Dipper smiled. “Let’s get some selfies. We want to remember this moment, don’t we?”

“Yeah, let’s do it. And if Tambry reposts it online, practically half-the-world can see us and be totally jealous.”

Dipper pulled his phone back out and turned on the camera. He and Wendy got into position and Dipper started snapping away as they made various poses ranging from classic romance to fun summer-cruise themed ones.

They had just gotten into snuggle position and were about to take another pic when they felt the sand under their feet shift.

Dipper looked down, finding his feet had sunk beneath the sand. “What the-”

The couple let out a yelp as they suddenly began to sink rapidly beneath the sand. They were now up to their knees. It was so quick that Dipper lost his balance and dropped his phone. He was about to fall over into the sinking sand, too. Fortunately, Wendy was there.

“I’ve got you!” she shouted, holding his arm. “What is this? Quicksand?”

“I don’t know! The ground was relatively steady a second ago! I don’t think we moved too much while taking pictures!” he replied, rather worried.

“Dude, can you move your legs?” Wendy asked.

“No, I’m stuck!” He said, wiggling about. “What about you?”

“No good!” she told him. They were now nearly at their waists. “Wait! What if I-?” Wendy reached out (holding onto Dipper to avoid falling and going under), trying grab a stable patch of sand. Everywhere she reached, her hand just sank. “Drat! Dipper, you try!”

The young academic tried what his girlfriend did. He got about the same result. “This isn’t working. I don’t get it! What’s going on here?!”

“I’m what’s going on here!” a deep voice said out of nowhere.

Dipper and Wendy turned and discovered a humanoid-figure rising out of the sand… and was made out of sand, apparently.

“Who the heck are you?” Wendy asked the newcomer.

“Who am I? Why, I’m the Sandman! What else would I be called?”

“The guy who comes when people try to sleep?” Dipper asked.

The two of them, now up to their stomachs in sand, suddenly stopped sinking.

“No! (Why does everyone guess that)? I’m not that Sandman!”

“Oh, so you’re the bad guy from that movie with the Spider-guy, right?” Wendy asked.

“I remember that,” Dipper interjected. “It was like one of our B-movies, but with half-decent effects.”

“I know, right?”

“Yeah. Come to think of it, I wish there’d be a movie or show with the guy with the gas mask. He was a cool hero,” Dipper thought out loud.

“Huh?” Wendy replied. “What’s that got to do with sand?”

“I’m not either of those guys!” the so-called Sandman shouted. “I hide in the sand, waiting for creatures to come to my island. Then I slowly drag them under and feed on them slowly over the course of a thousand years! Of course, I don’t know that it’s a thousand years, but that sounds pretty ominous.”

“So, it’s like that monster from that movie?” Dipper asked.

“The one with the blind worms, dude? As far as PG-13 horror-flicks go, I kind of hate that series.”

“No-no! The scif-fi one. Remember? The third one from the original trilogy?”

“Eh, kind of…?”

“Hey, I’m talking here!” that monster yelled, grabbing their attention again. “Look, bottom-line: I’m the Sandman! I’m gonna suck you into the sand, and I’m gonna eat you slowly! Now, let’s get it over with before you start rambling again.”

Before Dipper and Wendy could respond, they found themselves sinking much faster than before.

“AAAAHHHH!!!” they shouted.

“BLEHEHEHEHEAUGH!!!” the Sandman cackled.

The young man and woman were now at their necks, looking utterly terrified. Dipper turned to look at the love of his life. It was now or never. “Wendy, I was planning on asking you this after we finished taking pictures, but if we happen to survive somehow… WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

“Yes! Dude, yes! I will… if we don’t get eaten, anyway!” Tears were in the girls’ eyes. They were happy tears, mostly.

“Wendy! I love-” Dipper didn’t get to finish his sentence, as they had finally gone under…

“Well, that was fun,” the Sandman said. “Time to sample the fresh stuff.”

      He didn’t get a chance to do so. A concentrated blast of energy suddenly hit the Sandman square in the chest, leaving a gaping hole in his chest.

“Augh!” the Sandman cried out. “Was that from a gun? Those aren’t supposed to hurt me-AUGH!” Another blast hit, taking most of his sandy-shoulder. “Where is that coming fro-?” This time, a heavy-volley of laser-blast hit the Sandman in rapid-succession, reducing him to a pile of sand before he could think of way to escape.

In the distance, an angry Stan and Ford were holding smoking proton-rifles and pistols, waiting for the Sandman to move again. When they saw no sign, Stan shouted back behind himself: “NOW! HURRY!”

Mabel raced past them, holding a shovel tied to a rope. Soos wasn’t far behind. He was holding the majority of said rope. When she got close enough, she threw the shovel into the loose sand where Dipper and Wendy just were. It sank in fairly quickly as Soos approached.

Not long after, he felt a strong tug on the rope and began pulling it back up. After a few hand-over-hands, the shovel came back up. Attached to it was a very dirty Dipper, who was desperately trying to suck in air. A moment later, it was revealed that in his other hand was his redheaded beloved. With one more tug, Soos pulled the gasping and coughing couple from out of the sand-pit.

The two were laid flat on their backs as Stan and Ford approached. Mabel hugged the two of them. “You guys are alive!”

“Yeah… Thanks to you all,” Dipper said between coughs.

“Got that… right,” Wendy added. “How’d you… find us?”

“Didn’t you guys know you were live-streaming?” Mabel asked them.

“Wait, what?” Dipper asked.

“Soos was looking at hilarious cat-videos when he saw you guys post.”

Soos nodded. “Good thing I wasn’t looking at one of the better ones.”

Stan chuckled. “We saw you lovebirds making all kinds of weird poses before you dropped your phone.”

“EEEE!” Mabel squealed. “I’m gonna have a sister soon!”

“And then we saw what might have been the reason nobody ever comes to this island come after you,” Ford added. “Kind of a shame we had to destroy it (or him?); I would have liked to have studied such a creature. I’m just glad my assumption about these guns against it was accurate.”

“Nah. I’m glad he’s gone-for-good. I mean, he was eating people,” Stan replied to his twin.

“Ergh…” Some of the sand started coming together, reforming parts of what vaguely resembled a human.

“AH!” Stan shouted, shooting his laser-pistol in response. The Sandman disintegrated again, and this time, he didn’t reform.

“Uh, back on topic…” Dipper started. “…Since when are we live-streaming?”

Soos brought Dipper his phone. “You still are, dawg,” he said in response.

“Seriously?” Dipper pressed a couple of buttons on his touch screen, only to get no response. “What’s going on?”

“Let me see,” Wendy took Dipper’s phone and tried to fiddle with it. “Oh… Here’s the problem: there’s water behind the screen. It must have actually been messed up after Mabel splashed you earlier.”

Dipper thought for a moment. “… So, when I tried to press the camera-app, it must not have registered right.”

Wendy shrugged. “Could be.”

Ford looked thoughtful for a moment. “Say, Stanley. Didn’t the Sandman say on the video that he devours living people over the course of a thousand years? I think the Northwests have had people on this island over the last half-decade or so. You know what that means?”

Stan groaned. “We have more work to do than a routine-sweep? That’s just great…”

  //

  Back at the beach-house, Dipper and Wendy were cleaned and patched up; now sitting together on the porch.

“Some day, huh?” Wendy asked.

“Tell me about it. It was not how I was hoping the afternoon would go,” Dipper said, shaking his head. “Still up for marrying me? I know it was kind of sudden, but…”

“Dude, I said yes twice. I think I’m sure,” Wendy replied with a smirk.

“Well, in that case…” Dipper reached into his pocket and produced a ring with a large diamond. Bordering the diamond was some kind of stone that resembled flannel.

“Wow… Dip! It’s beautiful! Where did you get this?” Wendy exclaimed.

“The, uh, diamond was from some time-travel adventure Mabel and I had with Blendin. Suffice to say, we’re secretly kind of rich… Oh, and the ring was actually crafted by some goblins that sort of owed me a favor.”

“Well, I love it. And not just because it’s unique.”

“I was hoping you would.”

“By the way, that reminds me…” Wendy punched Dipper on the shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?” Dipper asked, rubbing his shoulder.

“For choosing a life-or-death situation to propose. I’d prefer a fancy restaurant, personally. It was also for proposing to me on your ex-girlfriend’s island, dude. Did you ever check to see who all saw that live-recording?”

“I… didn’t. Oh, boy…” Dipper rubbed his temple, realizing the worst-case-scenario.

“Ah, cheer up. You still got a fiancé, don’t you? Now, do me a favor and put that ring on my finger.”

“With pleasure.” Dipper took Wendy’s hand and slid it down her ring finger. He looked up, only to get a mouthful of his beautiful bride-to-be’s own mouth.

They stayed like that for a while.

[sage-nebula]

Game Review — Best Friend Forever

Ever since playing (and enjoying) Mystic Messenger, I’ve had a casual interest in dating sims, and particularly those that allow for queer relationships. And as someone who has had and loved dogs my entire life, I have a marked interest in dog raising and training. So of course, a game that is at once a queer dating sim and a dog raising sim should be right up my alley. What could possibly go wrong with this?

Overall Score: 3/10

A lot. A lot can go wrong with this. I can’t remember a game that has disappointed me this badly in recent memory, one that feels almost like a betrayal because it sounded like it was tailor made for me and I’d been looking forward to it since the initial announcement, only to be met with what honestly feels like an incomplete mess. If given more time, it’s possible this game could have been good. As it stands now, it is absolutely not. More details under the cut, and as always, view it on my blog for better looking formatting.

The Pros:

Obviously, first and foremost, that it’s a queer dating sim. You don’t have to be in a queer relationship if you play, of course, but the option is absolutely there with every single one of the romance options being available to you regardless of gender (similar to Stardew Valley in that regard, though Stardew Valley isn’t a dating sim, but rather just has a romance element). There is other queer representation as well, with at least one of the romantic options being a trans guy (who is actually the one I dated, though I can’t remember his name off-hand), and another two characters being bi considering they once dated each other and will date you regardless of your pronouns. You can choose gender-neutral pronouns, and as far as other representation goes, at least one of the characters is blind as well. So representation-wise, this game does well, and I will give it credit for that.

The art is very cute. The dogs are cute, the characters stand out from one another and have clear differences, the colors are nice and everything is drawn very well. Since the entire concept of the game is cute (move to an idyllic dog loving town and fall in love while raising a dog!) it stands to reason that the art would be as well.

The Neutrals:

The dialogue is okay. At times it felt like they were trying to hard to make the characters sound like Today’s Youth, which would absolutely age the game in just a couple years if the game had any lasting power at all (which I highly doubt it does). There were times when I enjoyed it, but other times where I cringed a little.

The music is also okay. Nothing memorable, but it fit the setting well enough.

The dog events during play did a decent job of making the dog feel involved, but at times were a bit distracting and not always intuitive (for instance, having to hold A to pet rather than pressing it repeatedly like I thought at first, which can lead to your dog being depressed).

The Cons:

There is so little character customization there might as well not be any at all. You can pick between three designs which cannot have their features changed at all. Three. You can’t even do simple things like change hair color, skin tone, or clothing options. This is a $20+ game and it has less customization than a free picrew. I could understand if your character had to be very involved, action-wise, but they’re not! They just stand off to the left side constantly and have very small changes in facial expression. The severe lack of customization was extremely disappointing.

But you know what’s even more disappointing? Having a game where a key component is raising a dog and then only having FOUR DOGS to choose between. FOUR. Three very specific breeds, and then a “mutt” (come on, you can’t even call it a mixed-breed?). Dogs are a huge part of this game; if we can’t customize because the idea is to adopt a dog, why can’t we at least have a bigger selection to choose from? The reason in-game is that you get to the adoption shelter late, but that’s a narrative excuse created to cover for a lack of development. It doesn’t excuse it, and it was disappointing.

Despite each dog having quirky little story cards you can read when you’re adopting, as far as I can tell the dog’s stated personality has absolutely no bearing on what the experience raising them is like. For instance, I adopted the mixed-breed, who I believe was said to have been abandoned and therefore very mistrustful of humans. But I had no trouble raising the Trust stat at all; I had the dog trusting me completely in less than a day. If you’re going to bother adding things in like “this dog was abandoned” and “this dog was rescued from an abused home,” then you should at least put in the effort to make that affect the dog’s stats so that, again, players can experience something a bit different depending on the choice they make.

Speaking of the choice they make, at the beginning of the game your character signs up for a dating app and they have to answer all these questions about themselves. Near as I can tell, these questions also have no bearing on anything whatsoever because you meet and can date any of the love interests you choose. So while it’s a cutesy idea, it’s ultimately a complete waste of time that could have instead been put into developing other aspects of the game.

Back to the dog aspect: part of the “story” (if it can be called that) is that the shelter requires every adopter to go through mandatory dog training and check-ins before they let you keep the dog. (Which . . . is not at all true to life, but whatever.) As a result, during the week you train your dog in various activities to raise their stats. Multiple issues with this:

You don’t actually train your dog. Like there aren’t minigames or anything. Instead, you select which activity you’d like to do each day, and then the week automatically runs through them and you get little blurbs on how the dog did (which always say the same thing for every activity) and which stats were raised. That’s it. You don’t actually get to do these things with the dog at all.

Near as I can tell, there is no way to get a good score on the check-ins. Even though I would raise my dog’s stats by several levels every time, I got bronze medals in every category at every check-in and a ribbon for “barely trying” even though I WAS trying, and even did all the extra activities each week as well. I looked online and others had this same problem, so it seems to me that the entire dog training aspect is rigged, and you fail no matter what you do, which again, really isn’t good game design. (That said, you get to keep the dog regardless, so it really is just an entirely pointless and time wasting aspect of the game.)

There really isn’t a story. Or well, there kind of is, but it’s a very bare bones one. Here’s the story: Your character used to work for a mega corporation but decided to quit because said corporation was Evil. You move to this dog town because you like dogs and you’re an aspiring photographer. During your time there you adopt a dog, get a love interest, hold a photography exhibit after doing one (1) sort-of job, and that’s it. There are a few events that trigger depending on which love interest route you’re going for, but there are never stakes at any point (because you’re never actually in danger of losing your dog, and even when your camera is stolen the lady who hired you for the exhibit just gives you a free replacement right away immediately), and I would argue there’s not a climax, either. It’s pretty much boring from start to finish, but that said . . .

Start to finish is a grand total of two hours! For a game that was $20+!! As I’ve expressed in other reviews, my basic rule of thumb is that I should get one hour of gameplay for every dollar spent. I am somewhat flexible on this—I can give leeway depending on the game and how much I enjoyed it—but charging twenty dollars and up for a game that lasts only two hours is an absolute rip-off in my eyes. To be fair, I didn’t play any of the other romantic routes to see those cutscenes, but the overall story would be the exact same no matter which you chose (unlike in Mystic Messenger, where it changes pretty significantly depending on which route you choose), so I honestly don’t see a point to it. It doesn’t feel worth it to me, at all.

Speaking of the different routes, while the characters have unique designs and seem interesting enough on their own, I don’t think their stories have any real depth. For instance, with the one I played (and again, can’t remember his name, sorry—though I do remember that his dog is an Italian greyhound named Marshmallow), he has a small story about how his family kicked him out when he came out as trans, he traveled around, met his roommates and formed a found family with them. One roommate, who is also this guy’s ex-boyfriend, is moving away soon and is annoyed that the love interest character is spending so much time with the cute neighbor (they live in the same apartment building), as well as the fact that the love interest is allowing his parents to contact him bit by bit. Now, this could be interesting . . . but it’s never resolved. Ever. They fight and that’s the last we see of the roommate, or hear about the situation at all. I haven’t played the other routes, but given the length of the game I assume it would be the same way; they would talk about past conflict but that’s it, you don’t get any real resolution or get to see how that story plays out. It contributes to the game feeling very unfinished, like there were ideas here but the developers lost steam halfway through and decided to just end it.

And speaking of not caring about finishing or polishing things, this game is absolutely riddled with typos. Now, I don’t want to be too mean, and I know this isn’t a AAA game. But if you’re going to release a game on the Nintendo eShop, and if you’re going to charge over $20 for it, then I feel like you should at least do the bare minimum of quality control and check for spelling and grammar. But that wasn’t done, to an extent that was noticeable. Additionally, there wasn’t quality control done to make sure that dialogue fit the route you were on. After the camera is stolen, the love interest I chose is there to comfort the main character and tell them he’ll help out. Then the next day he’s like, “I heard what happened, that sucks” as if he . . . wasn’t there. That dialogue was clearly meant for if he wasn’t the love interest, but it still played on the route where he was. This is something quality control should have caught, but since this game appears to not have any quality control whatsoever, it wasn’t.

I probably should have mentioned this above, but I just remembered—during the character creation process, there doesn’t seem to be an option to go back if you change your mind about which avatar you want, what you named your character, etc. Or at least, if there was, I couldn’t find it even by pressing the standard buttons such as B or Y. Instead, I had to restart the game about three times. Again, a simple design feature that should have been included, but wasn’t for some odd reason.

They hired voice actors, but the only real voice acting is the very annoying (and somewhat cringy) radio broadcast at the very beginning of the game. Voice actors can be expensive, so I can understand not having the whole game be voiced . . . but why hire them at all, in that case? Not all games need voice acting. This game doesn’t, but it’s odd to open the game as if you’re going to have everything be voiced when it ends up very clearly not. Not a huge deal, but on top of everything else, it bugged me.

Honestly, there’s probably more that irritated me, but it’s been a week and some change since I played, so this is all I remember right now. Suffice it to say that this game, which should have been right up my alley as a gender non-conforming queer woman who loves dogs, is one of the biggest disappointments I’ve experienced in gaming in a while. There were some good ideas here, but the execution was absolutely abysmal and I don’t recommend this game to anyone, especially not for the current price. There are much better games out there. Go play those instead.

[phantomofsilence]

Title : Just Married

Warning : Curse words, violence . Personalised fic , requested.

Request

Basically Winter soldier/avenger Bucky falls in love with  one of the richest business men in the world spoiled daughter (me) duh 😂 , who was destined for a more socialite match, such as slick family friend(name of your choosing) they still get married against the wishes her friends and family and go to Europe for their honeymoon. Unfortunately for them, her parents send her ex-boyfriend (name of your choosing) to break up the happy marriage.Although they're some scenes from the movie i want them to be included if you don't mind?

Author’s Note : It was done for a while but tumblr wouldn’t let me post it. This fic is based on a movie Just Married, i hope you like it ! As always gifs are not mine, they are all of Google.

Sitting at the airport waiting for their flight Mara leaned her head on Bucky’s shoulder and allowed her mind to flash back from now to the moment they met. James Buchanan Barnes was a working-class man and Mara upper-class woman, they met when James accidentally hit Mara with a football. It seemed like from the very start the world was against them, Mara’s family opposed them claiming James was not the right man for Mara but despite it in few short months they got married. 

“Passports please.” 

Both James and Mara took out their passports and gave them to the man working at the customs control. ” Are you leaving with any fruit or vegetables over 10000 dollars?” 

Smirking up at the man Mara replied in a serious tone.” No. No, but my husband does have two pounds of hash hidden in his rectum.”

That joke resulted in James having a full body check or as he put it when he was finally allowed to board limping ‘the first sex that he had on his honeymoon was with a man named Santino’ which made Mara chuckle. 

Thinking back Mara knew she wasn’t being fully honest with James, as she didn’t tell James that she slept with Mark Prentiss, a childhood friend and her family’s friend, after she and James had started dating, but she wasn’t the only one with a secret, James didn’t tell Mara that he accidentally killed her dog. 

They flue to Europe for their honeymoon, and even attempted to consummate their marriage by joining the mile high club, but failed rather publicly. When they arrived at their classy hotel at the foot of the Alps they found that Mark had sent them a bottle of cognac “with love”, while James’s friend Sam had sent them a Thunderstruck A-200 sex toy. 

Stupidly James has tried to force the toy’s American plug into the European outlet and managed to shut down the entire village’s electricity. After a heated argument with the hotel owner James and Mara had to leave the hotel and pay a large bill to repair the power. 

As they were trying to find another hotel they crashed their undersized car into a snowbank, and got stuck until daylight and once again were unable to consummate their marriage. Fortunately they make their way to Venice, and stay at a pansion recommended by Mark’s father. The pansion turns out to be a wreck, but they tried to make the best of it but decide to check out when a cockroach crawls over James when they tried to have sex. 

Thank’s to Mara’s father’s financial help they manage to secure a far better Venetian hotel. After checking in Mara and James decide to go and explore but after a short period of time James got bored with it and left Mara, so he could get to a bar and watch sports. On her way to the hotel Mara runs into Mark, who is staying at their hotel on business. 

Upon returning to her room she initiated a conversation with James in which he revealed that he accidentally killed her dog, and she revealed she slept with Mark. After the confession both of them storm out of the hotel and each go their way. James went back to the bar, where he met an American tourist Wendy, and Mara went sightseeing, where Mark followed her. 

In the bar Wendy flirts and dances with James, who after he finds out that she wants to have sex with him escapes through a bathroom window. He returns to the hotel, only to learn from the maître d’ that Mara has gone out with Mark for the evening. James in his state decided to return to the bar, where Wendy joins him again. After a while James finds himself in his hotel room with a half naked Wendy who upon entering took her entire top of, as she tried to have sex with him James blurted out that he is married and is on his honeymoon, which prompts the girl to leave. 

On the other side of the city Mara got drunk so Mark takes her back to the hotel, and kisses her at the entrance, after which she slaps him and reminds him that she’s on her honeymoon but all James sees from the balcony is a kiss but not the slap.

“You slut!” James yelled out as Mara entered their room. 

“Excuse me?!” 

“You let him put his tongue down your throat, i saw it out the window!” James threw a glass he was holding, breaking it on a wall. Keeping her voice as calm as possible Mara replied.” Did you see me slap him, then?” 

“Ah, don’t give me that. Some part of you wants him. Just say it!” 

“Fine,I’m not gonna lie anymore. Certain things would be easier given his background. And a small part of me thought that i wanted it once, a very small part.” As she said it Mara walked past by James as he continued talking.

”Why would you invite him on our honeymoon?” 

“I didn’t invite him, i don’t know how he found us.” Mara said but James wasn’t pleased with her answer, thou she didn’t pay much attention to it as she saw a flash of red on a chair next to their bed.”Oh yeah, oh maybe it was magic. Peter is a warlock.” 

She got closer and picked it up to inspect it. A woman’s bra. A red woman’s bra. She turned towards James still holding the bra. At the site of the bra James temper calmed, he gestured towards the bra and with his voice cracking said.

”That’s yours.” The audacity! Thought Mara as she scoffed and hit him with the bra.” Yeah, sure. It matches perfect with my call girl panties!” 

“Okay, i met woman at a bar. Nothing happened.” 

“You picked up a total stranger at a bar, brought her to back our honeymoon suit and took of her disgusting red bra!” 

“Nothing happened, i swear.” 

“No, no, no, the bra just jumped of her naked breasts.” Said Mara and threw the bra at him, and moved passed him towards the table. 

“Mara…” 

“You sit there and make me feel guilty of a kiss. A kiss i didn’t want in the first place!’ After those words the anger in Bucky returned.“Don’t tell me you didn’t want it.You wanted it. I could see from the balcony, you wanted it!” 

Enraged without a thought Mara grabbed an object closest to her and threw it at James, the object happen to be a pretty large ashtray and it landed right on James’s face knocking him down to the ground. As it hit him, Mara grasped her face with her hands realizing what she did.

“I’m sorry.Oh my God.’’ She approached him and knelt next to him. “Son of a beatch! My scull is on fire!” As she went to access the damage a knock was heard. ” Who is it?” 

“Room service.” 

Mara rose from the floor and opened the door, On the other side was Mark,as soon as she saw him she tried to choose the door in his was telling him to leave, but he wouldn’t budge.” No, listen. I’m leaving, last chance. Come with me to Seattle.” 

“Hello, Mark! So glad you could join us. Welcome to the honeymoon from hell.” James rose up from the ground and was holding a fire poker, As Mark saw the fire poker in James’s hands he hid behind Mara who spread out her hands protecting Mark.

” What are you doing, James?” 

”I think it’s time for Mark and i to tango!” Using the fire poker James broke a lamp in front of him, Mara moved away from Mark towards the wall protecting herself from the glass shards. 

“See you have no future with this lunatic!” Yelled out Mark glaring at James.

”Shut up, Mark! Buck, you’re acting like a crazy person!” 

“Maybe it’s cuz i just got hit in a head with a ten pound ashtray!” 

“I gotta warn you, Barnes. I studied karate with a Chinese grand master.” 

“Yeah, well i hope he showed ya, how to put a fire poker out of your ass!” 

“James. Put the poker down.” Mara gestured towards the poker, while Mark took that to his advantage, pushing Mara in front of James as he bolted out of the room, James following right behind. 

As he descended down the stairs he ordered the receptionist to phone the police. As he reached the lobby James swung the fire poker repeatedly trying to hit Mark. 

“You sat at our wedding! You heard us take our wows! You still had the nerve to show up on our honeymoon, and try to have sex with my wife!” 

That fight was what led them to jail, still without consummating their marriage. It was Mark that bailed them out of jail, but the damage was already done, both James and Mara decided to return home alone. Right after they returned Mara moved out of their apartment and moved back to her parents home. 

James was crushed by her choice, he loved his wife and wanted her back, so he made a decision to try, one last time to win back the woman he loves. After talking to his mother who encourages him to try, James attempted to see Mara on her family’s estate, his friend Sam decides to join him for support but even after he rammed his car into the gate remains unsuccessful. Once last time. If she doesn’t want me, than I’ll leave. 

“Listen Yuan, Willie, whoever else is listening. You don’t want me to be with Mara and i can’t change that. In ten, twenty, forty years. i don’t know who we’re gonna be. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be able to give her all of this.There are a million things that i don’t know. But there is one thing that i do. And that’s that i love Mara. And i am going to love her day in and day out for the rest of my life. Now will you please…please…open the gate so i can tell that to my wife.” 

James brokenhearted with tears in his eyes slumps against the side of his car defeat. She doesn’t want me. It’s over. Just as it seemed that all hope is lost the gate opens and James takes off running. After hearing the speech Mara opened the gate herself, her father stared at her and all she said was that she loves him.   

“Then go get him.” Her father said and Mara gave him a hug before taking of herself towards James, they both keep running until they meet outside of her house. They stopped and said hi to each other. Bucky was the first one to speak.   

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” 

“I miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” 

“I miss wreaking airplane bathrooms with you.” 

“I miss sleeping with you inside a snowball.” 

“Torching hotels in Europe.” 

“I miss doing time in prison with you.” 

“Do you wanna try to?” 

“Definitely.”

[popliar]

jin ships fic links

disclaimer - this is all a bit random, I bookmark so many things and sometimes I don’t remember what I actually thought about them… But they are all readable and worth a click imo.

for @timesuck2000​

other posts: fic links

YOONJIN

Every Single Sparkling Thing - sinkingmyships Seokjin/Yoongi. "Of all the kinds of magic, Seokjin prefers enchanters’ magic most. Loves the power to entrance and beguile, captivate and mesmerize. Loves walking into a room and knowing everyone wants to be him, be with him, or be on him. Yet of all the kinds of magic, Seokjin practices enchanters’ magic least. It’s just that he doesn’t need magic to charm people. He’s good at that all on his own." 32,000 words.

Path/Road - misspamela  Seokjin/Yoongi. "“I don’t like parties,” Yoongi said suddenly, like he was confessing something. “And I’m pretty sure two people doesn’t really count as a party.” “Well, fine, if you’re going to get pedantic about it.” Seokjin threw his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders. “Then this is the best date I’ve been on in months too.”" early days! 2300 words.

the growth cycle of a narcissus - moonbaby (autopsyofwebs)  Seokjin/Yoongi. "Seokjin sits cross-legged on his home couch. He takes a sip of whiskey in a wine glass, pinky slightly lifted, and lets out a gusty sigh of satisfaction. He turns to face the camera; his eyes flash conspiratorially. “I’m Seokjin, but you can call me Jin. I’m the most handsome guy you’ll ever meet.” He winks. (A Queer Eye AU where at first, nobody is quite sure why Kim Seokjin, self-proclaimed Worldwide Cutie Guy and a handsome, successful office manager, has been nominated for the show, until the Fab 5 actually meet him." 13,000 words.

Worldwide Lonesome - loindexter   Seokjin/Yoongi. "After the BBMA, Yoongi starts bringing guys back to the house." Really good story about coming out and living in the public eye and idol life. Great Jin voice. 40,000 words.

my safest sounds - prosperousends   Seokjin/Yoongi. "Min Yoongi and Kim Seokjin are a part of the same podcast network, but have never personally spoken to each other—until they find themselves asked to swap shows for an episode. The venture turns out to be more involved than either of them thought it would be." good!! 31,600 words.

Let's only walk on flower trails - rhythmsextion Seokjin/Yoongi. "In which Yoongi devises a plan to win the heart of the town's hot bank manager. And it doesn't quite work out like he'd hoped." small town puzzle hunt. 10,100 words.

Time After Time - august_d Seokjin/Yoongi. "Min Yoongi is a part-time coffee shop employee, part-time author. Kim Seokjin was born in the wrong generation - literally." Jin travels from 1988 to 2018 by accident and Yoongi covers for him by saying he's his boyfriend. 41,900 words.

Echo Chorus - smiles Seokjin/Yoongi. "Persuasion AU. Five years ago, Seokjin was persuaded to break up with the only man he has loved, brilliant producer and adoring boyfriend Min Yoongi. Now, just as Seokjin's record company is failing, Yoongi returns, cold and seemingly indifferent. As they continue to circle around each other and navigate the idol world, Seokjin must determine his future, and if Yoongi has a place in it." 95,700 words.

Table for Two - Zee Yoongi/Seokjin. "The sign on the restaurant door promises a free entree to any customer who is there on a date. Yoongi doesn't know how they determine whether or not people are there on dates, and doesn't know how this venture could possibly be profitable for them. He just knows that he could never afford eating there under normal circumstances and that he is deeply sick of ramyeon." 3700 words.

Crashed the Wedding - smiles Seokjin/Yoongi. ""I'll explain it slowly so you can understand. My wish is to travel to the future to my own wedding, get in, see who I'm marrying, find them in the present and get rid of all the middle junk. Understand?" In which Seokjin makes a wish to crash his own wedding and it actually comes true." Delightful. 3800 words.

Love and Muffins - weakforjin Yoongi/Seokjin. "Bakery owner Kim Seokjin wants to get a tattoo. It's a good thing his store is attached to a tattoo parlor. No literally, it's attached. The wall is basically made up of an incredibly large glass window. Pretty convenient for Seokjin since he can ogle the attractive tattoo artist Min Yoongi while he works. Also, everyone else is in love with Hoseok." 3100 words.

A Gilded World - smiles Yoongi/Seokjin. "Jeon Seokjin has exactly four weeks to stop the impending engagement of his younger brother, doomed to a loveless marriage. The only way to stop it is to make a better match, more advantageous, more lucrative for the Jeon family. It's impossible. It's his only option. Min Yoongi does not want, will never want, will never ever even consider, marriage. It's not in the cards. He's stubborn enough to achieve the total ban on marriage talks. Except maybe his grandmother is a little more stubborn than he is, and maybe she's determined to see him march down the aisle. The chaebol arranged marriage au that exactly one and a half people asked for." A really classic 'mutual pining while married' story that hits all the right beats consistently well. 168,700 words.

Rumor Has It - smiles Yoongi/Seokjin. "Due to a misinterpretation of Yoongi's newest song, the public and press think rapper Yoongi completely dissed idol Jin in his newest release." 2300 words.

we are all fools (in love) - kaythebest Yoongi/Seokjin. ""How are you, uh, doing?" Yoongi shoots him a weird look. "You mean after the proposal went horribly wrong and you shot me into the dirt?" Seokjin sets his jaw. "You deserved it." [Or: Yoongi and Seokjin are both prideful and prejudiced but maybe with time, things will turn out alright.]" 3000 words.

the night is still young (and so are we) - pagdiwa (neko11lover) Yoongi/Seokjin. "Summer 2012. They’re so, so close to debuting. Yoongi knows that he won’t be able to forgive himself if he let Kim Seokjin leave." 6100 words.

I Sought A Muse (But The Words Just Wouldn't Come) - sinkingmyships Yoongi/Seokjin. "Yoongi is, quite frankly, sick of photographing Taehyung's tongue, and the deadline for his photography project is approaching faster than he really wants to admit. He needs a new model. The first person to answer his ad—his name is Seokjin, if Yoongi remembers correctly—sent a message with something super vain like "cameras love my face," which should be an enormous red flag, but Yoongi's getting desperate. And in any case, if it's true, it'll just make his job a lot easier." 14,000 words.

come back tomorrow (and the day after too) - Trotter Seokjin/Yoongi. "Seokjin is an actor who MCs a variety show called Eat Jin. His show's successful-- but like every other show on the circuit, he's never managed to book the international superstars Bangtan Seonyeondan, who are notoriously picky about their variety appearances. He never expects that his shot at getting BTS on his show will come when it turns out BTS's Suga is a fan of his acting." 7000 words.

until there are no more cities - squeen Yoongi/Seokjin. "Seokjin has pillow creases in his cheek and his eyes are puffy, still closed as he slowly rolls onto his side. Yoongi lies next to him on his back, turns his head towards Seokjin’s sleeping face, whispers, Kim Seokjin, I think I could fall in love with you." They meet on the Siberian railway. 6700 words.

wanna be yours, now - dollyeo Yoongi/Seokjin. "This is not how Yoongi planned his grand love confession to go." He takes Seokjin out to dinner and Seokjin tries to guess who he's interested in. 1600 words.

hold the press, I wanna get off with you - Finedae  Seokjin/Yoongi. "Seokjin's an idol, visual and vocal of popular boy group BTS. Yoongi's a hip-hop artist and producer. They're not supposed to be together, except when they are--hands all over each other when they show up at underground parties, the new hot 'couple' except--they're not together together, of course not. that would be ridiculous." 4300 words.

Heartbeats - bulletproof_bad_wolf  Yoongi/Seokjin. "They were different, he and Yoongi. Yoongi was rough around the edges but soft on the inside. Jin was smooth to the eye, but if you looked closer, there were jagged thoughts and complicated twists just under the surface. They were different, they were opposites, but there was a balance, just like he’d thought there would be. For all their differences, they approached music the same way, and held some of the same philosophies on life, so it seemed. There was enough common ground there to build on. They’d be friends, Jin knew that much. Friends and collaborators." 17,000 words.

Building Hearts - iamnotaprodigy Yoongi/Seokjin. "Seokjin’s roommate breaks everything in their apartment. Luckily, the Engineering major next door is cute and willing to help. Otherwise known as, the first time Namjoon actually managed to help create something instead of destroy it. The “my roommate breaks everything and my cute neighbor fixes everything” AU." 12,800 words.

Eat Your Heart Out - bazooka Jin/Yoongi. "Okay, look - all Seokjin wanted was to get into the wedding expo with a fake fiance and try all the free cake. He didn't mean for all of this other stuff to happen." 6000 words.

TAEJIN

bring me some reckless times again - pearl_o   Seokjin/Taehyung. "Seokjin makes a series of snap decisions, starting with going over to talk to Taehyung. Somehow, they all turn out pretty well." Kinda making their exes jealous but not really. 3500 words.

my best decision - madanach   Seokjin/Taehyung. "“You’re a menace,” Seokjin says. “You come here—you wake me up from my sleep—to do these things versus me. To do the things that you do, against me, specifically.” “All I did was call you pretty,” Taehyung says. “And say that when I was seventeen I wanted to kiss you.”" 3700 words.

on the boundary - brightlight Seokjin/Taehyung. "Honestly, Seokjin should have known things would escalate. One of Seokjin’s favorite things about Taehyung is that he’ll always play along with whatever dumb shit Seokjin says, so he always does it back to return the favor; Seokjin loves an enabler. So when Taehyung calls him on fucking Valentine’s Day and says, “Hyung, Bottoms Up is no cover tonight if you come as a couple,” Seokjin thinks, Yeah, okay, this makes sense." VERY GOOD. 5900 words.

Wake - AlixSkyeDawg  Taehyung/Seokjin, Namjoon/Jimin, Jungkook/Hoseok. "Taehyung wanted to bite out that the only thing that would help is her not being dead. He wanted to shriek that a fucking beach resort was not going to suddenly fill the void her death had left. He wanted to rage that forcing him to come to an island in the first place was doing more harm than good." island holiday soap opera. 72,100 words.

seven - tastelessfool Seokjin/Taehyung. ""Seokjin and I were talking last night, and we ended up deciding on dating each other on a trial basis.” “Seokjin? Your roommate Seokjin?” “Uh huh.” “Your first and only best friend Seokjin?” “That's the one.” Jimin gapes at Taehyung for a long moment. “What the hell's a trial dating?” alternatively, Seokjin and Taehyung try dating each other for seven days." 11,000 words.

rent-a-bed - tastelessfool Seokjin/Taehyung. "Seokjin is very broke and very drunk when he's offered a proposition he can't refuse from a stranger at his party- to actually rent his bed. He's not convinced all of this isn't a fever dream." Cute and silly. 10,000 words.

Took No Time With the Fall - Trotter Seokjin/Taehyung. "It says a lot about how lazy Seokjin and Yoongi both are as people that they keep being friends after they break up." 6400 words.

To pay the rent - AwkwardBeansidhe Seokjin/Taehyung. "The job of an extra is to enhance the scene, not steal it, but when Kim Seokjin and Kim Taehyung sit down on set to talk, they can't help but draw the attention of the whole room." 3900 words.

NAMJIN

you make the sea bass drop in my heart - oliviacirce Namjoon/Seokjin. "He looks back down at the contract, reading through the details again. Sea Life of Hawaii, blah blah blah, three weeks, blah blah blah, travel, housing, catering, salary—nice, nothing to complain about there—Co-host: Dr. Kim Namjoon, Professor of Marine Biology. "He's an asshole," Seokjin says. "He's an insufferable know-it-all who thinks he's better than everyone else because of his big fancy degree and his big swollen head and his big—" He cuts himself off ruthlessly, and finishes, "And he hates me."" 7100 words.

lights flashing, flashing - monbon Namjoon/Seokjin. "Jeongguk writes self-insert fanfiction, Jimin is the president of the namjin fanclub, and Jin and Joon go grocery shopping. That's it, that's the fic." cute! 4100 words.

Double Trouble - nicowememoney, Scripturient27  Namjoon/Seokjin, Hoseok/Yoongi. "Separated since a young age, identical twins Taehyung and Jungkook grow up believing they’re the only child to their respective single dads, Namjoon and Seokjin. Until they meet at summer camp and decide to swap identities and go back home as each other for the following reasons: 1. It’s fun ok 2. Jungkook has a hopeless crush on classmate Jimin but is too shy to talk to him so Taehyung decides to take matters into his own hands 3. They’re curious what their other dad is like 4. Again, it’s fun ok and 5. Maybe… just maybe, they can get their dads back together again. [CHAT FIC] [The Parent Trap AU]" if you can roll with the premise, this is fun. 49,100 words.

just let the feeling grow - marienadine Namjoon/Seokjin. ""I don't have a problem with Namjoon," Seokjin lies." great character voices. 8500 words.

just hold on, we're going home - cosigned Namjoon/Seokjin. ""This guy - Seokjin - in one day, successfully got you so flustered that you've planned to avoid him for the rest of your life, and then saw you naked?" "It's not like it sounds," Namjoon tries to reason with Yoongi, even though it's exactly like it sounds. Kim Seokjin has him scrambling for his sanity, and he's fighting a losing battle. or In a foreign country, Namjoon finds a little piece of home to hold onto." charming! 15,800 words.

Unbelievable - mllevangogh   Namjoon/Seokjin, Jimin/Jungkook. "Jin's a singer. Namjoon's band needs a new one. The thing is, Namjoon fucking hates Jin. Or, Namjoon's in a romantic comedy, and he's the last to find out." also charming! 18,700 words.

i gave you my heart (last christmas) - linkpoisoned Seokjin/Namjoon. "“He just cut me off, Jungkook. My New Year’s resolution was to not let douchebags play me, and I’ve stuck to it,” Seokjin replies. “So when this cable car goes back down the mountain, I’m going with it.” Jungkook winces again. “About that. Uh. We only booked the cable car for going up."" cracky and cute. 10,600 words.

Law of the Jungle - MmeIrene  Namjoon/Seokjin. "Namjoon is a frazzled grad student who just wants to finish his thesis, but somehow ends up getting cast as an extra in a movie instead." 16,100 words.

Love Me, Love My Dog - nicowememoney Seokjin/Namjoon. "In the Korean branch of the renowned intelligence agency Kingsman, the wannabe candidates each receive a dog that will be training at their side. Which would be pretty rad except Seokjin’s dog, Adam, doesn’t listen, and he kind of needs Adam to listen or else he won’t qualify. Or: a Kingsman! AU in which there is very little spying and a lot of dogs, and Seokjin thinks it’s unfair that Namjoon has such huge dimples." 5000 words.

Like You're Whispering - joonphases Namjoon/Seokjin. "Namjoon needs a new laptop, and Seokjin needs a fake boyfriend." cute!! 14,400 words.

a sugar coated pill and a pick me up - whomstisthis  Namjoon/Seokjin. "namjin are soccer dads who fall in luv" very cute! 18,400 words.

It's Dead, We Killed It - prandcocaine  Namjoon/Seokjin, Hoseok/Jimin. "Bangtan's newest company-imposed torment drains their hearts, minds, and wallets." swear jar fic.

no more sad songs - mochi (ttthisismo)   Namjoon/Seokjin. ""unknow: it’s going to sound creepy anyway but i think i got your dog? by mistake? not my mistake, tho" or never trust late night singers with cute dogs" fun chatfic with jimin/yoongi/hosoek and taekook sequels. 11,100 words.

charmed - kaythebest Seokjin/Namjoon. "So you’re not going to eat me?" Seokjin asks, just to confirm. "Why would I eat you?" "Because you’re a dragon," Seokjin says slowly, because it should be obvious, despite Namjoon not looking very dragon-y at all. Namjoon looks unimpressed. "I may be a dragon, but I’m not an animal." this is good. 23,400 words.

A Not So Terrible Idea - Theawinde   Namjoon/Seokjin. "For some reason Namjoon let Hoseok convince him to play Spin the Bottle with his friends. It turned out better than he thought." Cute! 6600 words.

love is always a part of me - hi_pretty Seokjin/Namjoon. "Jin's opinion on soulmates changes a lot through the years." 12,000 words.

Everything That I Am (Not) - thisissuchbts   Namjoon/Seokjin. "He was Kim Namjoon, damn it, and he was going to finish what he started and help this perfectly wonderful Christmas dumpee probably get kicked out of his family." Namjoon is Seokjin's bf for hire when Seokjin decides to come out to his family. 28,300 words.

am I wrong? - jeosheo Namjoon/Seokjin. "For years Namjoon kept this pact with himself—years—all spent repeating to himself over and over again that this was the way things had to be. So when he found out about Jimin and Yoongi, he didn’t think he had ever been angrier in his life, because he knew, because everyone knew, that if anyone was going to break the rules and be together, it was going to be Namjoon and Seokjin." 4500 words.

All I Want For Christmas (Is You) - cute_nerds Namjoon/Seokjin. "That was it, Namjoon thought, toying with the small box in his pocket. It was a conspiracy. He was being... being... proposal-blocked." Based on on the let's share the heart ad. 3200 words.

Like You Lots - mnsg Namjoon/Seokjin. "Seokjin needs the heat of Namjoon’s big hands on his thighs. He needs the dorky underbite smile Namjoon only pulls out when he’s being self-deprecating. He needs the thoughtful texts before big pitches, the iced coffee Namjoon drops off on his way to class, the deep satiation of the mindblowing sex they have. That’s what he needs, and that’s exactly what Namjoon gives him, so he’s not exactly in a position to ask for anything more." 5000 words.

Could Never - mnsg Namjoon/Seokjin. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder - or, in Seokjin's case, just makes you realize something completely, stupidly obvious. AU where Seokjin owns a little bookstore, his old college friend Namjoon has become a novelist, and everyone has a lot of understated feelings." 2700 words.

before things come together - brightlight Namjoon/Seokjin, background Yoongi/Hoseok. "Namjoon didn't expect to run into the TA from his philosophy class at the gay bar Taehyung and Jimin drag him to, he really didn't expect him to look this nice outside of class, and he really, really didn't expect to have a crush on him. It's going to be an interesting semester."  31,800 words.

how people move - doozy (jungtaeh)   Seokjin/Namjoon. "Seokjin can get used to tripping over a discarded shoe every now and then, as long as he has Namjoon to catch him before he falls. Or: Seokjin's roommate nightmare comes in the form of Kim Namjoon, and he accidentally falls in love with him." 17,000 words.

A Sociolinguistic Analysis of Epenthesis in Academic Convergence - bazooka Namjoon/Seokjin. "There were a lot of jobs worse than being partnered with world-renowned Absent-Minded Professor Kim Namjoon, but Professor Kim Seokjin couldn't think of what any of them were at the moment." 39,900 words.

Oceans Between Us - novilunar Namjoon/Seokjin. "After two years, Seokjin suddenly reappears in Namjoon’s life." 15,500 words.

Celebrity Crush - bazooka Namjoon/Seokjin. "Right now Namjoon was exhausted and he'd been saying rude shit and he kept snapping at Taehyung and then they'd had to sit through that interview ("Who's your celebrity crush?") and Seokjin had tried making a joke ("Rap Monster," he'd said, thinking he was being clever) and even as everyone around them cracked up the look that had flashed through Namjoon's eyes belied something that looked almost brittle." 16,500 words.

secret recipe - staygame (sungjae)   Seokjin/Namjoon. "Plenty of people read Jin's blog, thank you very much." He and Namjoon start emailing, initially not realising they know one another irl. 3600 words.

i can put you in the mile high club (what's up?) - jonghyun Namjoon/Seokjin. "The turbulence gets more than just Seokjin's mood down. Namjoon was just trying to get to work when it all started. Whatever this is. (fwb/flight attendant au)" Namjoon is a music producer who keeps ending up on Seokjin's flights. 11,900 words.

I Dream in the Shape of Your Mouth - jonghyun   Seokjin/Namjoon. They keep studying together at the library. 17,000 words.

I will help you climb - fitzgarbage   Namjoon/Seokjin. "namjoon punches seokjin in the face. twice. this can be interpreted as a prequel to "we'll find a way to make it right" but it doesn't have to be so don't worry." They meet in high school and first hate each other then fall in love over detention.  73,000 words.

A Wonderful Institution - bazooka   Namjoon/Jin. "Kim Seokjin is a wedding caterer. Kim Namjoon is a wedding planner. Both of them think marriage is a societal construct with no place in modern life. Neither of them would know Real Love if it came up to them at a wedding and made a wager." the first bts fic i ever read... 42,400 words.

JINKOOK

if it's true looks could kill (you'd be the first to make me mad) - raviolijouster Jungkook/Seokjin. "Seokjin blames Namjoon for Jeongguk wholeheartedly, and just can’t understand why his thighs aren’t getting the attention they deserve. OR  Seokjin and Jeongguk don’t like each other. Promise." 7700 words.

Nothing Holdin’ Me Back - hope_and_hardship   Jungkook/Seokjin. "Jungkook is so shy he can barely make eye contact with baristas when ordering coffee, but Seokjin has a way of pulling him out of his shell. Somehow he ends up in a competition with Seokjin to come up with the most elaborate way to ask someone out. The trouble is the person Jungkook wants to ask out is Seokjin." 5100 words.

Maybe He Snapped - merryofsoul Jungkook/Seokjin. "Five times Jungkook tries to flirt with Seokjin, and one time Seokjin finally gets it." 4700 words.

move in time and get entwined - pearl_o Jungkook/Seokjin. "Everything's about to change, and Seokjin thinks you'd have to be an idiot not to be a little scared. But maybe it's all right if Jungkook is kind of an idiot." Space academy! 1700 words.

tell the world - vastlyunknown Jungkook/Seokjin. "Seokjin is about to embark on a new jouney and meeting Jeongguk might be exactly what he needs." Seokjin starts up a new entertainment agency. JK is the reporter and Yoongi is the photographer. 21,100 words.

Tie Me in Ribbons (Put Me Away) - hobily   Jungkook/Seokjin. "When Jeongguk draws Seokjin's name for Secret Santa, he finds himself way in over his head." 4300 words.

the clock strikes twelve - Kaleidotears Gen, Seokjin/Jungkook. "Hundreds of idols debut a year. There’s only one Big Bang. There’s only one SNSD. Everyone else falls through the cracks and gets forgotten. Kim Seokjin refuses to disappear." A Produce 101 AU that explores the idea that the seven BTS members were contestants and trainees from different agencies. The writing has some roughness to it but I was so into all the ideas about fame, the idol industry, fannishness, and personal ambition - and about how narrative is constructed thru reality tv, social media, and social context. I loved both the meta commentary about the industry as a whole, and how that translated into these seven very different journeys. The elimination format made me AS TENSE as if I was watching an actual elimination tv show. Doesn't shy away from some of the ugliness of the industry; but there is a happy ending. 98,600 words.

more and more and more - moonsuns Seokjin/Jungkook. ""If you haven’t had sex by the time you’re twenty, then I’ll have sex with you. That way you’ll have a guaranteed end date for your virginity.” “Do you promise, hyung?” "I promise." The problem was, Seokjin never expected to be called on it." 23,700 words.

terms and conditions may apply - vppa Seokjin/Jungkook. "Fuck. It wasn’t even his fault - no one told him delivery guys could come in all shapes and sizes and levels of attractiveness. No one told him. or: Jungkook falls head over heels for the FedEx guy, and it all goes invariably downhill from there." so funny. 13,800 words.

Take A Shot - TheHalesNyx Seokjin/Jungkook. "It’s crazy to think that a twenty-year old can even have a son who’s three - Seokjin still finds it hard to believe, if he’s honest. Hell, he hadn’t even known about Jungkook’s son until three months after the other began working as his assistant. In which Seokjin gives a helping hand, a comforting shoulder, and his heart, to Jungkook, a single father who is just trying to do his best to make his son, and himself, happy; it’s just a little hard to do all on his own." 44,400 words.

As Soon As Possible - forheart   Jungkook/Seokjin. "When Jungkook first met Seokjin, they had to drive ten hours together, in a honda civic, with a dented passenger side door and a broken Air Conditioner, from Southern California all the way up to the Bay. After spending too much time in a too small space, Jungkook thought he would never see Seokjin again. But fate had other plans." Loosely based on When Harry Met Sally. It's super charming and the background Hoseok/Yoongi is A+. 19,000 words.

Eternalism - hobily Seokjin/Jungkook. Seokjin is an ordinary guy and Jungkook is the time traveler trying to stop the world from collapsing. Funny and charming, with some fresh twists to the time loop trope. Tagged major character death but it's temporary lol. 34,700 words.

All Above Board - Trotter Jungkook/Seokjin. "Seokjin laughed, and how unfair was it that his laugh sounded so hot and so stupid at the same time? Jungkook was a simple guy, and his body was having a hard time responding to all the contradictions Seokjin was: take, for an example, this morning, when he introduced himself on deck, made a bad pun, and sucked Jungkook’s cock behind the cabins so quick and dirty Jungkook had thought his brain would explode." Idol JK goes on a Japanese cruise and hooks up with chaebol Jin. 4000 words.

Making It Up As We Go Along - bugarungus Seokjin/Jungkook. "Jin needs to find a date for his brother's wedding before his future sister-in-law tries to set him up with the every gay man in the city." 9500 words.

everyone else in the room can see it(everyone else but you two) - tastelessfool Seokjin/Jungkook. "in which everyone thinks Seokjin and Jungkook are dating, except Seokjin and Jungkook." silly and cute. 3300 words.

Different Names for the Same Thing (where i follow you go) - Trotter Seokjin/Jungkook. "Being Jungkook's childhood friend is rough. Being his manager is worse. (or: the one where Seokjin is BTS's manager and still fails to catch a break)" 4400 words.

Tents and Temperaments - sugarkookie Seokjin/Jungkook, Hoseok/Jimin, Namjoon/Yoongi, mastermind Taehyung. "Everyone's fighting with each other, and Jin has no idea what's going on. In an effort to make them reconcile before they ruin their comeback, manager hyung dumps them in the woods for a weekend of camping. 9500 words.

suddenly I see - Trotter Jungkook/Seokjin. "Jeongguk's had a crush on all his bandmates at one point or another; only one of them stuck. (or, the story of Jin and Jeongguk told through alcohol, confessions, arm wrestling, and food. So much food.)" 3000 words.

stop, rewind - vppa Seokjin/Jungkook. “We’re not dating.” Seokjin sits up on his elbows and stares Yoongi down to make a point. “Definitely not.” This is worth reading as a history of the group and Jin as much as a ship fic. The ship gives it it's arc but it's really good because of how it works with canon - so many references and callbacks!! 10,700 words.

Forever Young: Boy’s Side [Seokjin Walkthrough + Review] - numberts Jungkook/Seokjin. "Jeongguk woos Seokjin the only way he knows how: by treating it like an otome game." I repeat - 'like an otome game'! amazing. 28,600 words.

JINMIN

jack i'm flying! - ameliabedelias Jimin/Seokjin, Hoseok/Yoongi. "“Are they okay?” A concerned booze cruise attendant walks by. “They’re not gonna jump, are they?” “Please, just ignore them,” Hoseok sighs, flopping into one of the deck lounge chairs as Seokjin and Jimin get into position. “They’ve been doing this for three years now. It's kind of their thing.” Or, five times Seokjin and Jimin do the Titanic Pose™." Cute! 4500 words.

Like I've Been Awakened - hope_and_hardship   Jimin/Seokjin. "When Jimin moved to Seoul to study dance, he planned on getting a job to help make ends meet. But getting a job proved harder than he expected, so on a whim he found a sugar daddy website. He was just in it for the money. He never expected to meet a man like Seokjin." 9500 words.

another name for pirate treasure - misspamela Jimin/Seokjin. "Kim Seokjin is the worst pirate Park Jimin has ever seen." adorable. 2900 words

wait for me (the world is changing) - reflectionslie (fallsink) Seokjin/Jimin. "Seokjin is determined to keep her taekwondo academy from shutting down, so she teams up with Jimin from a rival school. Despite being past competitors, through the planning and hosting of a tournament, they bond over keeping the school open and their love of their art form" 7000 words.

The Greatest Good - ofmindelans Jimin/Seokjin. "The plan was for Jimin and Seokjin to get married for financial aid money, not for love. They just forgot the part about life never really going according to plan." 4100 words.

2SEOK

The Truth Inside the Lie - AttilaTheHun   Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jung Hoseok has always been straight, and he likes knowing that. It keeps life simple, without complications, and he's never felt the need to step across the shadowed line to the other side to see what might be found. Never, that is, until an obscenely handsome Kim Seokjin kisses him, more prank than reality, and suddenly he can think of little else but what's lurking over those dark borders waiting for discovery. But he doesn't know how to ask, and Seokjin doesn't seem inclined to help, and the only thing Hoseok knows now is that he's in a lot of fucking trouble." the plot is very pride and prejudice. a VERY readable fic. 78,100 words.

I Like You Like I Like to Dance - hope_and_hardship Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok is hired to teach Seokjin how to dance before a wedding, but he isn't even remotely prepared for the tall, gorgeous, flirty man who shows up at his studio." 3200 words.

Take a Chip and Dip Me Low - in_too_deep (biaswreckmepls)   Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok: Welcome to salsa class! Who's ready to dance? Jin, hiding a tortilla chip bag: There may have been a misunderstanding" 4000 words.

getting through the night - ffairyy Hoseok/Seokjin. "Seokjin and Hoseok are two months into their relationship and very much in love, but there's one unspoken issue. Whatever he does, Hoseok never stays the night." 5555 words.

Your Hands in my Hair My Heart in Your Teeth - ChaoticJackass (CannibalKats) Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok isn't particularly happy to be at this fancy museum party that Namjoon got him invited to, but when a handsome donor drops his coat Hoseok's whole life takes a turn. In which Hoseok gives a Selkie back his coat and suddenly finds himself with a boyfriend."  18,600 words.

the optimal combination of choice and chance - Chlexcer Hoseok/Seokjin. "seokjin dislikes flying because he never knows what kind of freak will end up sitting beside him. hoseok dislikes flying because he's lowkey terrified of heights and speed. this one flight might help them change their minds." 5800 words.

Welcome to the Garden - smiles Hoseok/Seokjin. "The thing people don't realize is, within all their lore of mermaids and vampires and tigers praying to be human, they missed the most obvious magical creatures that dwell among them in plain sight. Hoseok supposes that's a good thing. If the general populace found out that there are a bunch of flowers walking around in human form, there would be pandemonium. aka Hoseok is a flower, meets Seokjin, is convinced he is also a flower, and sets out to prove it." 1800 words.

So Close (So Close and Yet So Far) - CheekyBrunette  Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok was gorgeous; Seokjin couldn't help but stare. (In which Hoseok choreographs the dance for Seokjin's performance in the Mr. Seaside male beauty pageant, and Seokjin finds a million and one reasons to fall in love with him.)" 10,000 words.

little by little, one step two step - misspamela Seokjin/Hoseok. "Mr. Wonderful -- Jung Hoseok -- turned around, caught him staring, and winked. Not to be outdone, Seokjin sent him a flying kiss, which Hoseok pretended to catch and put in his pocket, then shot him double finger guns before turning back to the rest of the class. Seokjin was in love." 4700 words.

two bros, chillin' in the gay club - Chlexcer  Hoseok/Seokjin. "it’s a game. a stupid, silly, ridiculous game that got a little bit out of hand, and now Hoseok is getting turned on. alternatively, the one where Seokjin and Hoseok, token straight friends, get pulled along to a gay club and to avoid getting hit on by other guys, they pretend to be dating each other. (no homo, though)" WIP.

'Cause Every Time We Touch - kuragecharms   Hoseok/Seokjin. "“Fuck, it hurts but it feels so good,” Seokjin mumbled. “L-lay down,” Hoseok instructed. With only a moment’s questioning quirk of an eyebrow, Seokjin complied, placing himself face down on the dance floor. Taking in a deep swallow that he knew was himself swallowing down his pride and his nervousness, trying to convince himself that okay, Seokjin is kind of really loud about when he feels good. It doesn’t mean anything sexual. Even though it totally sounds - and now looks - sexual. Hoseok slowly lowered himself down to straddle Jin’s hips, bending forward to bury the heels of his palms into Seokjin’s shoulders and using the leverage of the flat floor to deepen the massage. Seokjin let out an actual scream." 16,700 words.

They Say Fortune Favors The Brave - teenuviel1227 Seokjin/Hoseok. "Hollywood Boulevard hooker Jung Hoseok is down on his luck--that is, until hotshot investor Kim Seokjin decides to pick him up and they change each other’s lives forever." Pretty Woman AU. 23,300 words.

Fire - noraebangbang Seokjin/Hoseok. "Jin's a firefighter. His station is full of idiots. He is Very Tired. But at least Hoseok makes it better. Kind of." 3300 words.

The Totally Untrue Story of Kim Seokjin - greenet Seokjin/Hoseok. "Seokjin is in love with Hoseok. So starting a fwb relationship with Hoseok is possibly not the best idea he's ever had." I'm so here for this. Especially all the stuff about identity and image creation. 8900 words.

we'll still be dancing (on shaky ground) - Pardon Hoseok/Seokjin. "Seokjin is sick of being made fun of for his dancing. Hoseok is all too willing to help him out." 7400 words.

Timeless As A Kiss (I Don't Want To Miss A Moment) - lulublue1234 Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jin's a hopeless romantic. Hoseok's a realist. Fate has a hilarious plan." wedding planner. 14,500 words.

The Photo I've Been Looking For - teenuviel1227 Hoseok/Seokjin, Yoongi/Jimin. "Yoongi and Hoseok have a promise that they’ve held onto since they were teenagers--if they’re both 30 and still haven’t found anyone, then they would get married. A day before his thirtieth birthday, miles away from Seoul, Hoseok gets a phone call from Yoongi asking him to come home; he’s finally met the one--he just knows Hoseok will love Jimin when he meets him--and he needs his best friend to be there for him. With Seokjin’s support, Hoseok flies home for the first time in years." 28,100 words.

caught in a landslide (of emotion) - fitzgarbage Seokjin/Hoseok. "hoseok keeps catching seokjin at his worst" 5200 words.

love in an elevator - bazooka Seokjin/Hoseok. "Kim Seokjin takes a cab, gets stuck in a broken elevator, and gets jerked off by The Hot Alpha Who Lives Down The Hall." Alpha/Alpha. 3100 words.

Sweet Tart - numberts (numberthescars) Seokjin/Hoseok, Taehyung/Yoongi. "How, exactly, is Seokjin supposed go about telling his favorite cousin that his new crush is actually Seokjin's old roommate from college—the same “douchebag” (Taehyung's words) roommate who’d hooked up with Seokjin's ex, the same roommate Seokjin had had drunken hatesex with and ruined their friendship forever? Or: Hoseok just wants to taste hyung's love (and other significant life events that happen over food)." Hoseok is Seokjin's fake bf on a double date with his cousin Taehyung and ex Yoongi. 6400 words.

disco, calypso (it don't matter) - ofmindelans Seokjin/Hoseok. "Seokjin didn't ask for any of this. Not for his estranged son Taehyung to suddenly move in and turn Seokjin's orderly life upside down. Certainly not for said son to come with a mentor and dance instructor in the form of the impossibly sunny, annoyingly attractive Jeong Hoseok. Fortunately, the universe doesn't seem to be paying much attention to what Seokjin does and does not ask for." 27,100 words.

THREESOMES (and more and other)  

playing for your heart - umji  Jungkook/Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jungkook should have known something was up from the way they were acting, they had been unusually quiet all night, sharing looks across the room when they thought he was caught up in his game. He didn’t quite know what he was expecting them to say - maybe they were going to elope? That seemed like something the pair of them would do - but he was certainly not expecting them to tell him they had signed him up for a dating game show." hobi is the bachelor. 17,100 words.

Something Brewing Between Us Three - merryofsoul  Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin. "Hoseok leans his body into Namjoon’s with a soft sigh as they watch Seokjin walk out, but perks up a little when Seokjin stops in the doorway and turns back. “It’s bean a pleasure,” Seokjin calls, and then starts laughing at himself as he leaves the cafe. Namjoon and Hoseok stand in shock for a few seconds before Namjoon says, “Oh my god.” or; Namjoon and Hoseok work in a coffee shop, and a cute customer starts to flirt with them." 11,700 words.

Can't Spell We Without W(you and you) - gbyesummer (shouldshy)   Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin. "“We’re going out tonight,” Namjoon says. “You should come with.” Hoseok sits up and narrows his eyes. “I don’t think Jin would appreciate me being invited on your date without asking him first.” “It’s not... like a date-date. It's a friend-date." or: Hoseok loves that they’re a close group of seven, but seven is six plus himself, and six is an even number. He's the seventh in a group with three (well, two and one almost-couple) couples. He’s a seventh wheel." I LOVE. 12,900 words.

Steals and Deals - idyllic_hummingbird   Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin/Yoongi. "Boyfriends Namjoon and Yoongi sometimes commit petty crimes to get by. When Yoongi hears about a rich CEO going out of town, he convinces his boyfriend that an attempted heist couldn't hurt. Little do they know that the CEO's son, Seokjin, was given housesitting duties, and brought his boyfriend along for company. or, namgi are terrible burglars and 2seok are amused about it." 13,000 words.

Just a little bit (is what you need) - pacajins  Yoongi/Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin. "When you spend so much time with someone, living together and doing everything with one another, some things are probably inevitable. Like taking care of each other's needs and making sure the frustration doesn't interfere with work." 3000 words.

Kaleidoscope - youarethenorthernlights  Jungkook/Taehyung/Seokjin. "Despite popular belief, it is very easy and very possible for someone to be in love with two people at once. Jeongguk is, like he is at most things, excelling at it." a/b/o idolverse. 82,500 words.

Look Me In The Eye & Tell Me You Won't Go - teenuviel1227 Yoongi/Hoseok, Jimin/Namjoon, Seokjin/Taehyung/Jungkook. "BTS are doctors at the biggest hospital in Seoul and stuff happens. Particularly, Min Yoongi wakes up with Jung Hoseok in his bed." A really fun, enjoyable longfic with all the melodrama, shenanigans, and OTT plot twists you'd expect from a hospital drama. Loosely based on Greys Anatomy. 78,300 words.

우리들 앞길이 훤해 (ahead of us, our future looks bright) - my_hope

Seokjin/Yoongi, Seokjin/Hoseok, Hoseok/Yoongi. "Okay, now Seokjin was more than eighty percent sure there was something in his food. Otherwise, how would he explain this crossover between an acid trip and A Christmas Carol—fucking magic? Ha." three alt endings, all happy. 9700 words.

[smnthchrstn]

2, 13-17, 27 dude why are there so many questions 💀💀💀 do them fucking all.

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

No, I base shit on how someone acts or treats me.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Probably

3. Are you a virgin?

Yes

4. Are you in a relationship?

Not right now

5. Are you in love?

It takes a lot to get me there, but I have been in the past.

6. Are you single this year?

I mean I am right now

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yes

8. Describe your crush

She is a person that I care about a lot and she makes me laugh very frequently.

9. Describe your perfect mate

Someone who can laugh with me and have fun with me and I guess be my best friend but also someone I’d want to spend my life with.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

It depends on what happened.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Eh not really.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeehaw

15. Do you have any piercings?

No

16. Do you have any tattoos?

No but I’m getting my first in July!

17. Do you like kissing in public?

No, when you exclusively date girls it’s extremely scary to show affection in public usually.

20. Do you shower every day?

I do.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I do.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I have no idea.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of course

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Oh geez I don’t know about that

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

🤷🏻‍♀️

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

No

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No I don’t have the money for that lol

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

I’m not sure.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

No

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Of course

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

No

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Always

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

I’m sure

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

I like arms and shit so it’s probably tricky for me to not move a hand over to an arm or something like that.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

One that mattered? Like four months, five months.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

I have had a grand total of two boyfriends, one girlfriend and a significant other.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

None

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you?

22

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Ouch

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I don’t have one fam

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

No they’re a piece of shit lol

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes my best friend, Sabrina.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I don’t like giving up on people but yes.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Probably I mean isn’t there always?

55. Share a relationship story.

One time I went to an ice cream store with my ex because I really needed some hot fudge and they tried to steal my ice cream and this wasn’t a good story but I have no patience to share a pleasant story about this person.

56. State 8 facts about your body

I am left handed, I have scarring on my shoulders from a bad sunburn, a curved scar on my outer left hand from an injury, I can roll my tongue, I have freckles on my shoulders, a scar on my knee from a bad shave, more freckles and even more freckles.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

I have nothing to say idgaf

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Communication, kindness, trust, mutual interests and food

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Do I have to lol

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

It’s always like a year and a half typically

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Eyes or hair.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Communication.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

I think it’s really any intimate act for both people that can bring them closer together.

64. What is your definition of cheating?

When you’re deliberately doing romantic or sexual shit with people other than the one you’re dating.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Neck kissing is awesome

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

I don’t do that fam

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

The perfect date is like sitting on a couch and maybe eating Taco Bell and maybe just like watching something.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

I’m gay and demisexual

69. What turns you off?

Arrogance, cheating, mean people or dismissive behavior or whatever else

70. What turns you on?

Physically; tattoos, hickies, neck kissing, like overall complimenting of shit. Emotionally; trust, companionship, being helping other people, teamwork

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I’m going to be real like I don’t have kinky dreams my brain doesn’t work for that

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

During sex? I literally don’t know but I know someone straight up asked for 70-72 so I mean I guess I love you or you’re beautiful would be good words to say ideally

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I have no idea I just like when people pay attention to me lol

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I - really love tattoos. Like a girl doesn’t need to have them but fuck

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Playlists?

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have no idea.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

If it’s the age of consent and shit then go for it

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I don’t have secrets lol

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Probably today and probably for a dumb ass reason.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told @americanhorrorstory-coven

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Sarah Paulson, Kate McKinnon, Justin Hartley, Jessica Lange, Evan Peters, and ummmm Courteney Cox.

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

JOHN GOMEZ

83. Who was your first kiss with?

This guy I pursued on and off for years, Sonny.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I’m conveniently forgetting to answer this, how tragic

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yep

[shemakesmeforget]

25 fics to pick you up

Humor, crack not crack, romcom fics for @cuttlemefishwrites and y’all. I tried to make this list short, I SWEAR idk ENJOY!! Also you can check some other fic recs by moi here, here and here.

(i'm) the boy you'd die for by jenmishe 

Canonverse, Rated T, 6K

v-nikiforov ✓

[Video: A short clip where Victor is laying dramatically on the couch with miserable expression. “Heartbreaker” by Marina and the Diamonds is playing.]

13,481 likes

v-nikiforov✓ Am I the another one? (((

vitYASS victor,,,, honey,,,, i lvoe you so much,,,, but WHY are you like this.

red-blue-gay but??? does that mean that somebody has broken victor’s heart???? I DON'T UNDERSTAND

christophe-gc ✓ You’re ridiculous.

starsaregay But who recorded it?? Makkachin???

vityathebabe user @starsaregay asking the real question.

--- The adventures of Yuuri "Heartbreaker" Katsuki, or: how Yuuri became known as a cold player full of himself who doesn't care about anyone. (Hint: it's an anxiety and obliviousness.)

• ADORE!!! oblivious heartbreaker Yuuri + social media fic. The best description is actually one of the tags: everyone is in love with Yuuri: the fic.

  He Should Know by Lady_Ganesh

Past Yuuri/Chris, Canonverse, Rated T, 2K

A public service announcement Chris and Yuuri made for the Sochi Olympics comes to light.

• HI HI this speaks to me directly: Viktor is a dork and jealous and Yuuri is precious.... I just love this so much. 

Master Plans by Qwertzu (@qwertzu824)

Canonverse ish, Rated T, 17K

Who wouldn't want to date Yuuri and/or Viktor? Nobody is immune to their charm - including random strangers, who unfortunately have no idea the two are happily married and totally smitten with each other...

• This series!!! outsider pov, identity reveal, and the last installment!!!!! I die. You'll laugh and you’ll feel sorry for these people at the same time.

The Way to Life and Love is a Curved Trajectory by crossroadswrite  (@crossroadswrite)

Canonverse, Rated T, 5K

“Do you know Katsuki Yuuri?” Victor asks Chris, two minutes later, when he finally manages to convince himself to stop looking at the dip of Katsuki’s back and his powerful thighs in those tight Mizuno track pants, and the way his hands are poised in the air mid-skate, and his slicked back hair and brown eyes and flushed cheeks.

Christophe hums into the phone in a way that suggests he not only knows Katsuki Yuuri but he’s acquainted with him. Chris’ version of acquaintance is very physical and usually involves a healthy amount of groping. “Don’t you?”

“He’s Japan’s Ace,” Victor says, trying to rack his brain for more information. “His step sequence is good?”

Chris hums again. “You’re not that oblivious that you haven’t heard of Unfairly Beautiful Yuuri.”

“Who?”

(Or, the one where Victor falls - literally and then figuratively - for Yuuri. Also something about a Best Ass Poll that is way more official than it should be.)

• Alternate first meeting <3<3<3 you have it all: social media, pining and THAT ASS. I would say 12/10 would read again, but I have already, a bunch of times.

What you should know about dating a man with children by SassySalchow (diedraechin) (@diedraechin​)

Canonverse, Rated G, 2K

Based off a tumblr drabble prompt and then grew too big...

"AU scenario where the skaters mistake the triplets for Yuuri's kids when they first meet him, possibly when he brings them to the skater-only area as a b-day treat, or something? (Kudos if you can work in jealous!Victor somehow, but the skaters having a fun reaction would be A+, tbh. Would be lovely if you could include Chris and/or Yurio :D )

• Ahhhhhh my quick fix for whenever I’m feeling down, this Viktor is such a dork and extra, I love him.

5 times Viktor encountered culture shock in Hasetsu + 1 time Yuuri did by forochel (@forochel)

Canonverse, Rated T, 3K

this fic ... basically does what it says on the tin.

• I adore not so smooth Viktor in an environment he can't control (or at least do some research lol), good stuff.

Five Times Chris's Dating Advice Was Ignored By Russian Skaters by liliths

Canonverse, Rated T, 3K

—and one time it wasn't.

Christophe Giacometti. Twenty-five. Cat lover, chocolate eater. Professional Swiss figure skater and confirmed Grand Prix finalist. Running an unofficial dating advice ring for Russian skaters who don't listen to him to begin with. How did his life come to this?

Chris-centric, in which he is done with literally everyone. Except the dog.

• Chris is heaven sent and deserves a medal for dealing with awkward russian skaters.

just like me they long to be by sparklespiff (@todaythesamesky​)

Canonverse, Rated T, 3K

"Haven't you noticed that Yuuri gets everything he wants?"

"Everything that's in somebody else's power to give him," Mari says, before Victor can bring up last year's GPF. "He's not magic, just pretty."

"But it's like magic. My theory is that it's because he's sneaky beautiful, so you're not expecting it, and then, under all that stuff, whoa! Gorgeous. And it's too late to save yourself."

"Stuff?" Victor keeps smiling but makes his voice cold, the way he does when reporters overstep. His Yuuri doesn't have stuff. Everything about him is beautiful.

or:

Yuuri lives in a Beautiful Person Bubble. It's Victor's responsibility to make sure he never finds out.

• Again with oblivious heartbreaker Yuuri, this is ridiculously funny. Also, Mari and Phichit??? A++

The Boyfriend Paradox by japansace (@japansace​)

Canonverse, Rated T, 3K

For some inexplicable reason, Yuuri speaks Russian.

Now, as everyone knows, there are only two viable reasons why anyone ever learns a foreign language:

1. For school. 2. To impress a foreign love interest.

And Victor can’t quite bring himself to believe that Yuuri would be at all studious enough to hunt down Russian classes in Detroit of all places.

(Or: Victor gets jealous of a boyfriend that doesn’t exist.)

• We all think Yuuri is dense and oblivious but like Viktor is just????? SO BLIND???? it’s adorable.

The Thirst Trap by CharmingMonsters

Canonverse, Rated M, 12K (WIP)

Victor Nikiforov reads Thirst Tweets for a Buzzfeed video; Yuuri is anonymously quoted and wants to die. Phichit makes sure everyone is properly hydrated.

• Awkward meet cute, Yuuri the fanboy, sad pre Yuuri Viktor, hilarious but the feels omg 

Giacometti & Co. by Anna (arctic_grey) (@finleighsaid​)

Past Viktor/Chris, Past Yuuri/Chris, Canonverse, Rated M, 7K

Against his shoulder and into the fabric of his t-shirt, Yuuri mumbled, “HaveyoueversleptwithChris?”

He choked on his breath. Oh. Uh. “Errrr…” His mind raced. “A little?”

aka the fic where both Viktor and Yuuri have slept with Chris.

• Amazing!! I owe this fic so much! like really, this is cute, fun and jealous Viktor is the cherry on top.

The Early, Awkward Years by Nomanono (@nomanono​)

Viktor/Chris, Canonverse, Rated E, 6K

Victor Nikiforov wasn't always smooth and suave. His singular focus on skating created a pronounced inability to people, and Chris winds up bearing the brunt of his sexual incompetence.

• This is beyond funny, I had to stop reading 3 times to properly laugh. Inexperienced, not a playboy Viktor is the best best and Chris tries so hard, poor thing.

it's like you're photoshopped by Metis_Ink

Actors AU, Rated T, 10K

Not-So-Local Ex-Dancer Upsets Coworkers by Failing to Communicate with Celebrity Castmate, details at eleven.

//Yuuri just wants to retire already.

• The actual movie is amazing? the author literally wrote an entire musical for this fic, mad respect. And at some point I cried, legit tears, because I was laughing so hard. 

Pinning and Pining by Multiple_Universes (@witharthurkirkland)

Porn actors AU, Rated E, 51K

Victor starts his career as a porn star, working for a studio that has a somewhat… artistic approach to the whole genre. But that’s not the problem. The problem is: he can’t find a way to ask his hot co-star to be his boyfriend.

An AU where Victor and Yuuri are both porn stars who, despite all the hot sex filmed for a ton of movies, still end up in a situation where Yuuri is oblivious and Victor is pining away.

• The porn movies are so cheesy and bad but like artistic so you just laugh and laugh. Viktor is such a softie and there’s so much unresolved romantic tension, a big fave.

though the stars walk backward by alykapedia (@alykapediaaa​)

Space AU, Rated T, 8K

“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” - E.E. Cummings

Yuuri's only ever wanted to send a message out into the great vastness of space, maybe witness First Contact during his lifetime. He gets his wish. And then some.

• Alien viktor!!! an intergalactic booty call!!! fantastic!

Much Ado About Something by eternalsunshine13, Skowronek (@eternalsunshine13, @kaja-skowronek​)

Space AU, Rated T, 33K

By day, Victor Nikiforov is the head of European operations for LearX, a company on the forefront of private space travel. By night, he is makka-baby on Tumblr, a prominent figure in the small but passionate poodle fandom.

By day, Yuuri Katsuki runs F.O.O.L., a subsidiary of Katsuki Enterprises, whose stated goal is to bring LearX down one lawsuit after another. By night, he’s oodlesofpoodles, an active member of the poodle fandom and possibly makka-baby’s biggest fan.

By day, they duke it out in court. By night, they become friends—and maybe something more—as they fall for each other one Tumblr message at a time.

Or: a romantic comedy starring two idiots in love, the Katsuki family, the mothers Nikiforov, the husbands Chulanont-Giacometti, two doggos, six hamsters, one Yurio, and many, many schemes to get our favorite lovebirds together.

• Do they really hate each other?? are they falling in love?? is the tumblr app gonna crash all the damn time? I won't tell, you gotta read this.

The Vastness of Space by shysweetthing (@shysweetthing)

Space AU, Rated E, 16K

As chief communications officer on board the Interstellar Alliance Fleet’s Star Ship Victory, Yuuri doesn’t have to think about who he actually is on his home planet. He just has to listen to his captain, do his job, and…not fall in love with his best friend, the ship’s science officer, Victor Nikiforov.

Well. Two out of three’s not bad.

Then his mother calls with the worst possible news: She, the Empress of New Nihon, has arranged Yuuri’s marriage. There’s only one thing Yuuri can do: Fake a boyfriend, and fake one fast. Who better/worse to play that role than the friend he wishes was more? What can go wrong? It’s not like Yuuri can fall more in love...

• Mutual pining, fake dating and arranged marriage AND SPACE UGHHH all my weak spots. So sweet and good and the writing is on point, i cry.

The Unknown Unknown by opalish

Superpowers AU, Rated T, 7K

Yuuri never meant to become a supervillain. These things just happen to him. 

• One of the funniest fics I’ve ever read, the author has the best comic timing and this fic is beyond me like I practically laughed the whole time.

Dr. Shiny and the Case of the Beautiful Man by ShatteredPrism (@etherealalchemist​​)

Doctors AU, not rated, 6K 

There are about five things that Victor, in this very moment, is absolutely sure of.

1. The spawns of satan are here 2. they are not accompanied by their angel of a mother 3. they are with the most beautiful man he's ever seen 4. his scrubs are wet from where he'd dropped water on himself 5. and Victor is very, very gay.

Emphasis on point five, with a side of cupid's arrow and "ba-dum ba-dum" on a plate.

Because he is Very Gay, and not only is he Very Gay but he is also Hopelessly Attracted to a man who is undoubtedly Very Straight and very Unavailable and is perhaps the Most Beautiful Man Victor has ever seen.

---

in which Victor is a doctor, Yuuri is a godfather, and Yuri just wants some peace and quiet and a larger stash of lollipops.

• So pure and fun and Viktor is so so so extra.

pass that dutch by kiaronna (@kiaronna​)

High School/Mean Girls AU, Rated T, 5K

Maybe Viktor shouldn't have watched Mean Girls before he started his first day of high school in the United States, but he can't help it if he is suddenly inducted into his high school's very fashionable, Instagram-obsessed royalty. He can't help falling in love with the cute soccer player in his literature class, either. Even if he's supposed to be off limits.

• This captures the feel of the movie just right and Viktor is a mess, it’s just so cute.

esnake artist by sizhu (@sizhu)

Neighbors AU, Rated T, 1K

Yuuri meets the disarmingly attractive neighbor from upstairs, courtesy of Phichit forgetting to feed their scale baby.

Snakes like to go on adventures, too.

• Sassy Yuuri defending his reptile baby, a blessing.

all the types of dating by igneousbitch (@makkachinning)

Geology AU, Rated E, 8K

The only type of dating geologists are good at is radioactive carbon-dating. The rest goes completely over their heads.

(Viktor and Yuuri are geology professors leading a field course in Western Australia. Chaos ensues.)

Alfred shifts awkwardly. Looks at Viktor and Yuuri, and asks, “So, uh. Are you guys dating?”

Yuuri greatly misunderstands, and Viktor panics.

Of course we are, Yuuri says. Rather critically, he thinks to himself: why else would he be here, in the scorching, godforsaken heat, surrounded by a hundred kilos of rock, if not for the purpose of radiometric dating?

• I have no idea about geology and I still enjoyed this AU a lot, they’re pining so hard and ugh friends to lovers, my kryptonite.

Unconventional by so_shhy

Fandom AU, Rated M, 4K

After freezing up in front of his idol at a comic con panel, Yuuri decides that he needs an awful lot of alcohol to get over the embarrassment. It is a decision he will regret.

The fandom AU I can’t believe I wrote, featuring movie star!Victor Nikiforov and fanfic author!Yuuri Katsuki.

• So much second hand embarrassment but in a fun way, just brilliant.

If you can't take the heat... by mtothedestiel (@summersteve)

Reality show/Chef AU, not rated, 81K (WIP)

Stay tuned, coming up next it's Top Chef: International! Join thirteen chefs from around the globe as they battle it out for glory and prizes in the one and only New York City (and share all their innermost thoughts along the way!) Who will emerge victorious, and who will burn out?? Heartwarming triumphs, devastating eliminations, and even ~forbidden romance~ are all coming your way on this showstopping season of Top Chef!

• The script format threw me off for some time until I decided to read it and omg?? what a fool I’ve been for so long!!! this is incredible and well researched and makes me hungry all the damn time.

Coming Home Again by carafin (@carafinn)

Roommates AU, Rated T, 10K

Yuuri, given to periodic bouts of paranoia, would often wonder if Viktor is, in fact, a Russian drug lord on the loose, seeking refuge in a nondescript town in America. This would explain a manner of things: his evasiveness whenever probed about his job; the way he’d unpredictably throw out incisive, thoughtful commentary about the morning news over breakfast; his expensive tastes in shirts, watches, and wallets alike; why he’d want to stay here with Yuuri, of all places, when the contents his wardrobe alone could probably afford him a year-long stay at any condominium of his choice in the trendiest part of town.

And then he goes on to discover that Viktor actually has a premium account on club penguin, and that his five penguins are named Peanut Wigglebutt, Luke skyhopper, Zing Zing, Otto Von Longdong, and Mooshoo Vegetable, and beats the idea to death in his head.

• High quality hyper realistic amazing Yuuri the medical student being a mess, Viktor being a mystery but still a dork. Cute romance!!

[barpurplewrites]

Best Failed Date Ever

@a-monthly-rumbelling Non-Smut: drinking, karaoke, dancing, kissing, date

-x-x-x-

Belle's blind date fails to turn up, but the man at the next table who is having trouble with his phone is better than any date.

-x-x-x-x

Belle drummed her fingers on the table and grimaced at the sticky feeling of spilt beer. She reached in her handbag for a tissue and stole a glance at her phone. A quarter after seven, she was going to give her date another fifteen minutes and then she was leaving. A shriek of feedback from the microphone being set up on stage set her teeth on edge. Why had she agreed to let Ruby set her up on a blind date in a karaoke bar of all places? Who thought this was a good idea for a first date?

She glanced around the bar and noted quite a few people with guitar cases. That was a bit strange for a karaoke night wasn’t it? Before she could give it anymore thought a man set his drink down on the table next to her and hooked his cane over the back of a vacant chair. She saw it start to slide and reached out to grab it before it hit the floor. The man gave her a shy smile as she handed it back to him.

“Sorry, it doesn’t normally get away from me like that.”

“No worries.”

He tucked the cane securely between himself and the table and took out his phone. Belle toyed with her drink and shot a sly look in his direction. He didn’t fit the description of the date Ruby had set up, which was a shame because he looked a lot nicer than ‘muscles you could crack walnuts with’. Ruby had never understood that Belle’s idea of attractive was very different from her own. Of course, she wouldn’t keep finding herself in this situation if she could just say no to Ruby’s interfering in her love life, or lack thereof.

Maybe it would be easier to tell Ruby to leave her alone if she actually wanted to be alone. Belle wanted to find someone to share her life with. Her parents had had the whole grand romance and that had influenced her greatly. She’d dated, had some good relationships, but for one reason or another they had ended. It wasn’t too bad she was on good terms with most of her exes, and had a good group of friends, but they were all in relationships and she was sat here in this odd little karaoke bar waiting for a blind date that couldn’t be bothered to be on time.

The man swore at his phone. Curious at the outburst Belle looked directly at him. He caught her eye and offered her a bashful smile.

“Sorry. You don’t happen to know how to work the camera on this contraption do you?”

The phone he was holding up was the same make as hers, so she shrugged and scooted along the padded bench.

“What’s the problem with it?”

He passed it to her and sighed; “The picture is all blurry.”

Belle turned the phone over and chuckled; “New phone, right?”

“Yeah, got it today so I can record my son’s performance.”

He had proud parent written all over his face. She took a stab at his age and figured him for late forties, but the grey streaks in his long hair might be throwing her guess off. Ariel had gone grey in her twenties and now took great delight in changing her hair colour every month. He was looking at her hopefully and she remembered the phone in her hand. She carefully caught the protective sticker with her nail and peeled it away from the camera lens; “Should work fine now.”

He briefly closed his eyes and groaned; “Thank you. Nerves are getting to me I guess. This is going to be Neal’s first time singing his own songs.”

Suddenly the guitars made sense. This was an open mic night not karaoke. Original songs would be more interesting that drunken attempts at Bon Jovi. She decided to stay for the singers, it was just possible she’d see the first performance of the next big star.

The man had taken his phone back and was taking a tester video of the empty stage. He gave her a warm smile; “Thank you for this. I’d be facing a moody teen if I’d messed up the recording.”

“Which one’s your son?”

He turned his head toward a group of teenagers by the bar and whipped back so fast his hair snapped into his eyes. He brushed it from his face but kept his hand raised so his view of the teens was blocked.

“Erm, he’s the one with dark hair currently kissing the blonde girl, his girlfriend.”

She fought back a smile at his determination not to witness his son in a clinch but frowned when she spotted the brightly coloured drinks in the hands of some of the group. They all looked very young, far to young to be drinking. She wasn’t an idiot, teenagers drank, she had, but she didn’t feel comfortable in the sort of bar that allowed it so blatantly.

“Don’t worry about the drinks,” – he raised his own umbrella adorned glass, - “Mocktails, alcohol free.”

Belle felt a bit awkward for having been caught judging a stranger’s son, but he shrugged.

“It’s fine. Robin runs a good place, the kids get a discount on the soft drinks if they show their ID, and anyone caught trying to slip them a shot gets bounced off Little Jon.”

He pointed toward the front door, where a bouncer roughly the size of a horse had parked himself since Belle had come in. If he’d been there when she’d arrived she might have turned around and walked away.

“I see the Nephilim are alive and well.”

She mentally cringed, most people didn’t get her obscure references. She was surprised when he laughed.

“Little Jon’s from Wales, so I’d say more Gogmagog, than Nephilim.”

Belle blinked, and a wide grin spread over her face. She’d not expected to meet someone who got her references and could make even more obscure ones. Before she could compliment him on his knowledge his son jogged up to the table. He gave Belle a slightly confused wave before clapping his dad on the shoulder.

“Hey Pops, I’m on second you got the camera worked out yet?”

“Of course, I’m not a total Luddite.”

The kid grinned and leaned towards Belle; “Totally saw you helping him, thanks for that.”

He pointed a finger at his dad as he started to walk back to his friends; “Two songs on second remember.”

“He seems to think I don’t know what he looks like with a guitar in his hands.”

There was no chance of her date turning up now, and even if he did Belle wasn’t interested. She found better company for the evening. She offered the man her hand; “Hi I’m Belle. May I join you properly?”

He looked surprised, but shook her hand; “Rab Gold, nice to meet you Belle.”

With a bit of shuffling they moved so they were only taking up one table. Another couple quickly nabbed the empty table and took the vacant chair as they waved their friend over. There was a brief moment where Belle wondered if she’d made a mistake, but another shy smile from Rab and it dawned on her that he was waiting for her to continue the conversation. She could ask him about his apparent interest in literature, but she decided to go for a topic that he was bound to feel comfortable with.

“So how long has Neal been playing guitar?”

Rab visibly relaxed and smiled; “Five years now. He started playing to impress a girl…”

A muscled hunk strolled into the bar and glanced around. He peered at Belle for a moment, not that she noticed his attention because she was too busy listening too the story that Rab was telling about how Neal’s first crush had mocked his guitar playing. The hunk shrugged and headed towards the bar.

Rab got jittery as they listen to the first act. Belle would lay good money that his sudden nerves had nothing to do with the way the singer was mangling a Fleetwood Mac number. When his phone escaped from his shaking hand Belle managed to catch it before it bounced from the table.

“I swear I get the stage fright, so he doesn’t have too.”

They politely cheered the first act, who hadn’t been that bad. Rab took a deep breath and started recording as Neal took to the stage. Belle quickly pulled out her own phone and followed suit. Rab glanced at her and quickly mouthed ‘thank you’ as Neal introduced himself.

“Hey, I’m Neal. If you like what you hear you can find me on Spotify. Just come say hello afterwards and I’ll give you a card.”

Rab froze as his son plucked the first few chords. Neal was almost a still on stage, only his hands dancing over the strings until he started to sing. The song he played reached into Belle’s chest and ripped her heart out. The melancholy chords and the bittersweet lyrics of love rejected were bringing tears to her eyes. Beside her Rab was silently weeping. When the song came to an end he ducked his head and wiped his face on his sleeve. There was a heavy silence broken only by a few soft sobs and sniffles, before the audience reacted with whooping cheers. A fast glance around let Belle see that everyone had been moved by Neal’s song. Even the giant bouncer was sniffling as he clapped.

Neal wiped his brow and said; “Okay, thank you, thank you very much, so let’s change the pace now.”

The next song was more up-beat and had some of the crowd dancing in seconds. From what Belle could make out of the lyrics this one was about stealing a car. It was a totally one-eighty from the first song, and Neal’s performance had gone from still to manic. How he had the energy and co-ordination to play, sing and bounce around like that was beyond her. There was no pause when he finished, the crowd just went crazy. Rab made her jump when he let out a shrill whistle, as she stomped her feet and whooped.

Neal took his bow and stepped from the stage to take the congratulations of his friends, but he stood on tiptoe and shot his dad a thumbs-up which Rab enthusiastically returned. The MC jumped up on stage and started another round of cheering for Neal before announcing a ten-minute breather and suggested people hit the bar.

Belle fanned herself with hand and checked that she’d saved the video.

“He’s very talented, that first song…”

The pensive look on Rab’s face made her trail off.

“I didn’t know he was going to play that one,” - Rab set his phone down on the table and fixed his eyes on it, - “It’s been just me and Neal since he was five. A few months back he reached out to his mother. It didn’t go well.”

Belle gently covered his hand with her own; “I’m sorry. I think his music is helping him work his feelings out.”

It felt like the least helpful thing she had ever said to anyone, but Rab turned his hand over in hers and gave her fingers a light squeeze. The contact only lasted for a second and he sniffed as he got his composure back. His eyes were still a touch watery, but he was looking happy again.

“I’m going to brave the bar, see if I can congratulate Neal without embarrassing him. May I get you a drink?”

“Yeah, I’ll have a bottle of water please.”

He used his cane to help him stand up and she wondered if she should have offered to go to the bar, but he walked with confidence and only a slight limp, so she figured he was okay. She flushed as she caught herself admiring his back side. It was a very nice backside, but ogling a man she’d only just met, when his son was in the room, felt wrong.

He reached Neal and his friends. On a whim she pointed her phone in their direction and snapped a picture just as they embraced. She clicked a few more just because they looked so happy. Her phone pinged with a text from Ruby asking why she’d blown off the blind date. She sighed and thought about replying, but that would start twenty questions and Belle was enjoying her evening too much to have to fend off the Ruby Inquisition.  She dropped her phone into her purse just as Rab wove his way though the crowd balancing a tray on one hand.

He dithered at the table; “Okay, I can’t put this down one handed.”

“Oh, let me.”

He’d bought two glasses with ice and a slice, one plain glass and two unopened bottles. The plain glass confused her.

“Ladies choice. I forgot to ask if you wanted ice or not.”

Now she understood the empty glass. She picked up one of the bottles and a glass; “Ice is cool.”

He tried and failed to cover his snort at her unintended pun with a cough. She rolled her eyes and nudged him with her shoulder. Once they’d got their drinks sorted out she fished her phone out of her purse again.

“I hope you don’t mind I took some pictures of you and Neal.”

He grinned at the photos; “These are wonderful. I, erm, how do I get a copy?”

“I could Bluetooth them to you.”

He looked totally confused; “You could?”

“You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”

“Something techy and to do with mobile phones?”

“Good guess. Can I have your phone?”

He passed it to her and watched over her shoulder as she navigated the menus to set his phone up.

“There we go, it might take a few minutes.”

He tore his eyes away from the progress bar and asked; “What do you do, or like doing? If you don’t mind me asking, just you’ve let me babble about my son, and I’ve hogged the conversation.”

“It’s fine. I’m a part-time librarian and I edit classic texts for the university’s publishing house…”

Belle was delighted to find that he knew a little about many of the texts and authors she worked with. He was as happy to listen to her stories of the library and the strange things she found in books as she had been to listen to his stories of Neal.

They barely noticed the rest of the performers, only having to lean in closer to hear each other over a particularly loud song or burst of cheering. Eventually the music level dropped, and people began to leave. Neal flopped into an empty chair at their table.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt Belle, but it’s a school night Pops…”

Rab glance at his watch with wide eyes; “Wow I’d not realised the time. I’m sorry Belle I have to get Emma home before her curfew.”

“I understand.”

Neal looked between the pair of them with a sly grin on is face; “Ems and me’ll go wait by the car Pops.”

He bounded off before Rab could say anything, leaving them both feeling a little awkward.

“I’ve had a wonderful time this evening Rab, thank you.”

“So have I. Thank for the videos and photos,” – He licked his lips and took a fast breath, - “Could I have your number and we could maybe go out for coffee?”

Belle bit her lip; “I have a confession. I added it to your phone when I was transferring the photos.”

“Oh, wow, that’s, that’s brilliant. I’ll text you later?”

“I look forward to it.”

They gathered their coats and left the bar together. At the door Belle caught his hand and pressed a fast kiss to his cheek before she walked away. As she rounded the corner she looked back and saw him standing there his hand on his face. She waved, and he waved back. She headed home smiling to herself. This had been the best failed date Ruby had ever set her up on.

Rab was amazed that Neal held his peace until they had dropped Emma off and seen her safely inside. The moment they had pulled away from the curb Neal twisted in his seat and the grilling began.

“Please tell me you got her phone number.”

He couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at his lips; “I did.”

“And you’re going to text her to make sure she got home safe?”

“Aye, I will.”

“And then ask her out for coffee, or something?”

“Already done that.”

“Wow. You realise I get to tease you about snogging in public now.”

“That wasn’t a snog!”

Neal just laughed, which turned into a jaw cracking yawn as he settled back into his seat. By the time they got home Neal was half asleep and Rab had to guide him into the house, so he didn’t stumble into the door. As he plodded up the stairs he said; “Text Belle. I like her, she made you smile.”

Rab looked at his new phone. It had been in his hand tonight more that his old one ever had. After a little fumbling a few wrong turns he found Belle’s number and sent her a simple text.

“I hope you got home safe. Good night Belle.”

The text alert sound deafening in the quiet house, he’d have to find out how to turn that down.

“Home safe and sound. Sleep well Rab.”

He locked up the house and switched the lights off with a grin on his face that remained as he fell asleep.

[whotookcheesuschrist]

Some excerpts from the playthrough

I was pretty close to getting chills from that intro. That is the most atmospheric video game intro I’ve experienced thus far. All the way from the menu to the actual game. Fucking damn. (Apart from maybe Dragon Age Inquisition.)

Made it through the first part on the first try. Saved. It didn’t save as far as I thought it would and I had to do it again, failing four times. :-(

“Behold, my amazingly rendered abs. And flat-ass face.”

You can tell this is game was a first attempt in many things; such as delivering awkward, awkward lines.

There is a mission briefing mimicking VHS tapes and I fucking love it.

Whuh... COLONEL DID YOU KILL HIS DOGS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So... that was intensly antagonistic of a character who have up to this point been delivering barely any support apart from diet-coke Sun Tzu.

Speaking of Sun-Tzu...

As of writing I’ve finished MGS2, and there’s a certain related part of that that I will get into on a later date, but this one, more than what’s to come, reminds me of that police interrogation in The Venture Bros.

YOUU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

In the most threatening way possible, say the words: Follow the mice.

These controls are hUaORRIBLe

In one way, yes, it adds to the difficulty without being forced, but good fucking god, trying to figure out which direction I’m supposed to push the stick while pressing up against a wall is a nightmare. And having to stand still while shooting and not being able to move while aiming at all is... not very user-friendly design. Thank God for auto-aim

In a similar vein, a third-person shooter with the camera angle being from what we Norwegians call bird perspective is a bit of a challenge

The game play is still pretty dope though

Bee tee dubbs, the ex-Fox unit is hereby dubbed the Suicide Squad

(I would totally play a super-hero video game with that kind of lay-out of the villains and the hero. I think this could actually transfer to comics as well, the way the villains are set-up, introduced and used.)

First meeting with Metrosexual Noodle Eastern.

"I love to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber." — Revolver Ocelot, Metal Gear Solid.

I bet you do, Ozzie

This game is not complete without a ninja.

There’s a masturbation joke lying in there somewhere.

So far this game has been surprisingly Not Gay. Except from Snake’s sick abs, but then comes Otacon and fucks my shit up on so many levels.

Johny’s grand introduction: Face down, ass up

Meryl... I really like Meryl, but she is so obviously one of the “not like other girls”, tomboy-ish archetype that isn’t really all that useful. It’s pretty sad, because we see her kick ass. We know she can, so it’s a little sad that she isn’t properly utilized.

Poor Otacon.

The ninja was depressingly easy to best. I know the TWEETHT!! that comes later with this guy, but man, you’d think it’d be more of a fight.

OH. MY GOD. Let me count down how many ways Otacon’s introduction is gay.

After being saved from death by katana, Otacon stares at Snake downward-up. When the camera stops, we get a damn good shot, yet again, of Snake’s Sick Abs.

“You’re uniform is not like the others...”

The disappointment in Otacon’s voice upon learning that he was not the goal.

The symbolism of Otacon literally coming out of the closet.

Snake sitting with legs crossed like a fucking femme fatale as he and Otacon catch up to speed

Snake inspecting Otacon, crotch on up

Snake walking up to Otacon until he’s one foot away, laying his hand on his shoulder and asking “you okay?” in an uncharacteristic, caring voice: and Otacon being weirede out by it, commenting: “What’s wrong, getting all friendly all of a sudden...”, to which Snake just awkwardly backs away and says “uh nothing, just... glad you’re okay”

Forget Meryl, Hal’s your love interest and we all know it.

“I’ve been therapied into not having an interest in men and no one can break the spell at all none at all nuh-uh...” And of course Snake is going to prove them wrong. Eww. Call it a product of its time, but still, gross.

Bee-tee-dubbs, Otacon and Snake discussing Meryl’s low-pixelated ass strikes me as hilariously “no homo”. I’m pretty sure, given how Hideo is on the subject in later games, that all of it is intentional. Subtext included.

Psycho Mantis, stop dissing my game stats

Poor dude. Seriously, that is a sad and solid backstory for a character

“Riussiain lieady rieportyingk in on wieapions” I like her tho

Man, this game... In all of the silliness it is STILL on-point with its social commentary. Nastasha’s talks about the START programs, nuclear disarmament, the money involved, the ultimate plan of the Foxhound members, nuclear programs made for short-range launches... All of these are things that I’ve seen in the news this week, and what goes on in the game takes place in the year 2005. Not to mention us becoming more and more desensitized to violence and warfare. It is frightening to behold. I wish I had it in me to talk about all of this at length, because there is really a well of subject matters to discuss here.

Once again I experience a video game trying to impose on me that, in the story, something is urgent, but in reality, I have hours of backtracking if I want to.

I... kinda like the voice they gave Sniper Wolf. And that she’s Kurd; it is nice to see that Hideo remembers a little history. And it brings a little variation in a very formulaic artistic industry.

There is nothing so jarring as video game characters talking specifically about the controls on your PS controller. Abs are still sick. I like the little touch that this death will be different from the others, and set you somewhat back in progress. Not enough for it to make an impact, but I appreciate the effort; the game is present even on its own metalevel

Otacon, you sap. Oh and thank you for massaging my arm, Naomi

If Johnny were ever to be in a Rambo-parody the first movie would be called Johnny - First Brown

My old enemy... Stairs...

OTACON DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SUBTEXT MEANS

My tactic for handling this: laying down land mines whenever possible and run like a pussy.

Sniper’s demise, the entire scene for all parties involved, is pretty heartfelt still you two should kiss

I have literally played Die Hard.

HUHHHH! THE PLOT THICKENS! WE’VE BEEN BETRAYED!

Vulcan Raven has no sense of humor. I am big man McLargebeef. Fear me.

One of the greatest things about this game is the boss fights. All of them are different and interesting, fun to play. Same goes for the rest of the game: nothing ever gets to the point of being samey.

I mentioned atmosphere earlier, and oh how I do love this for keeping it throughout. This feels like a beautiful tribute to the 80′s action movies, in tone and spirit as well. This is what the 80′s style tribute that we’ve seen lately really ought to be: specs of hilarity and ridiculoussness mixed with complete sincerity and genuine, dark depth, without getting to caught up in aesthetic.

Metal Gear Chicken.

How can anyone survive working on that thing.

I wonder what Ocelot really thought of Liquid.

GAAASP! MILLER IS BRITISH! OH NO!

Liquid is just an asshole, but if that was his upbringing I feel a little bad for him. No wonder he hyper-compensates.

Snake takes these news surprisingly well

Snake being made into a weapon, robbed of information that he really needs: this game makes his feelings and responses, however douchy, feels quite earned

I am fighting a giant mecha and this is STILL a stealth game.

Okay that... that surprise from Gray Fox actually was a surprise. And what the fuck is he MADE of.

So Richard Dawkins is to blame...

           OF COURSE-

SHIRTLESS BATTLE! OVER A WOMAN!

“MACGYVEEEEEEEEEER!”

Surprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

Liquid’s death is surprisingly evocative for me. I really do feel like Liquid’s plan is more important to him than anything, because he that desperately needs to prove himself in the light of his “father”.

...

                    ...

          ...

          ...

          ...

          .                           .                         .           

          WILL YOU           SHUT UP

BTW I made it through without sacrificing Meryl. I’ve learned what happens in the other ending, and it is pretty dumb how that one leads so much better into the next game than the other. And while on the subject

Woah, yet another twist. Although knowing what I do about Ocelot now it is hardly that surprising. The impact of this is still satisfying and intriguing, because there are things in the game that for someone who isn’t already completely familiar with them seems a bit weird. The reveals here makes some things falll into place, and I am surprised that the game actually did specifically build up to a sequel

It strikes me that I haven’t talked once about the performances. While there are a lot of them that don’t go all in, you gotta give David Hayter props for this, as well as several of the others. This must’ve been so very strange to work on for all of them: not quite a translation from a japanese work, not quite American either, giving this exposition-heavy dialogue a unique life of its own

And the game naming Snake after him is a very cute touch, one that I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t thought of before. And no one could give Snake the layers of believable capability and apparent ineptitude better than he. IQ of 180 my ass.

GOD that ending dragged on.

[tanyaodebra]

You 2.8: “Fear and Loathing in Beverly Hills” – And Hunter Wept

I’m obsessed with this show and I am definitely going to keep watching, but COME ON. As a Passions fan, I’m truly down for anything – a monkey who’s a nurse, a witch who controls a town through a caldron, simultaneous pregnancies that are not twins, an evil doll that comes to life – select any flavor of soap opera madness and I will shovel it into my gaping TV-holes as long as it adheres to the tone of the show. But a drug episode? Really? This is tonal chaos. Anyway, we pick up right where we left off, with Delilah trapped in a glass case of emotional torture. David Fincher calls again and when Delilah lies in order to gain Joe’s trust, she says they’ll go on a date soon, a lie that cuts deep. Joe does indeed act as though he’s going to free her – he purchases plane tickets, says his goodbyes, and sets up Delilah in time-release handcuffs (which are real, because fetish people) so she can let herself out after he’s on a plane. And then we hit the first in a series of clichés – he sets a timer for sixteen hours so he is literally fighting against the clock. It’s a little much, and it telegraphs the idea that he’s going to fail.

Love is looking crazy-eyed in her lemon palace, and her team of enabling friends give her permission to do what she really wants, which is obviously to get Joe back. Dottie, egged on by her shaman, makes an unexpected appearance, and the two share a dysfunctional dinner. Love brings up the au pair, and Dottie hisses that she “did what she had to do.” Was Dottie involved in the murder, or just the cover-up? Love drunkenly storms out. When Love can’t handle her liquor, Dottie swoops in to take advantage of this moment of vulnerability.

We hit the second cliché when Forty and Joe are kidnapped. It felt so out of the blue that it totally took me out of the story. In fact, Joe even says that if this were a movie, he wouldn’t believe it. Things feel a little more planted in the world of the story once it becomes clear that Forty had planned it. Forty needs Joe’s help writing his screenplay and they will remain hotel room hostages of gun-toting Russians until they finish. I guess Joe is getting a taste of his own medicine, which hearkens back the first episode’s promise of karmic retribution. Forty’s back on the ‘booch, but this time he’s mixing it with Dexedrine. Not a great sign, because last time he was drinking kombucha he went hog-wild at Hendy’s. He spirals very quickly after Ellie’s honest notes and he jumps out the window into a dumpster, then absconds to a bar. Joe is obligated to follow him, and the clock keeps ticking. Joe finds Forty seated behind a sea of empty shot glasses, swimming in the blues. Apparently Forty is still texting Candace, which would lead a normal viewer to believe that she is alive and well. Lucky for you, I don’t trust anything or anyone, so I feel certain that Love is necro-texting from Candace’s phone. Fueled by tequila, Forty throws a drunken grenade into a nearby couple’s wedding reception by reenacting a watered-down Indecent Proposal – he kisses the bride in exchange for ten grand in cash. At his wits end, Joe attempts to leave the bar with or without Forty, but Forty grabs his arm and pens “8:52” in Sharpie. You see, that’s the time Joe started drinking the seltzer Forty dosed with four hits of acid. There it is, the third cliché. Literally anything is plausible now, which feels very, very cheap. Poor Joe has never taken LSD before, so he is about to have his ass handed to him. He is, to say the least, displeased. But then he bumps into Love – she “put two and two together,” aka stalked him or had him followed, and chose to have dinner in the same hotel where Joe and Forty were writing – when he starts tripping HARD.

Joe’s trip is a kaleidoscope of flashbacks about his childhood and imagined conversations with his mother. She provokes him, coddling his worst impulses. Forty uses the trip to get inside Beck’s head, which sends Joe spiraling. Forty narrowly escapes being choked to death by kneeing Joe in the balls during a roleplay gone wrong. Joe is freaking the fuck out, and rightfully so. Four hits of acid is a stupidly high dose for anyone, let alone a newbie. Forty allows him to use the safe word (I don’t know if this is a cliché, but it’s a really crazy plot coupon) to get moon juice (is this some LA thing I don’t know about, or is it a fictional Anavrin thing?) and snacks. Forty can’t come, because he’s conveniently peaking. Joe blacks out and finds himself standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom. Did he ever leave? There’s blood on his hands. He washes them, then all the blood disappears. Was it ever there? When he returns to the living room, Forty’s drinking moon juice among a gaggle of grocery bags. He confirms that Joe definitely left and brought this stuff back, but he doesn’t know how he got there or how long he was gone. Weird, since it seems like Joe would not go back to that room on his own. Dmitri (Adi Spektor), the Russian bodyguard, affirms that Joe came back with clean hands. Joe hears Love’s ringtone in Dmitri’s pocket, and he freaks out until Forty bribes Dmitri with cash for the phone. This phone call is a fishy dish. Love claims they can figure out whatever he’s running from together. Why does she know he’s running from something? Running implies guilt. After what Candace told her, why wouldn’t she want to stay far, far away? Joe says the magic words that Milo never would have said – they can take Forty with them on their escape tour. Maybe this is something James never would have agreed to? After another mommy-induced blood cry, Joe seeks solace in Forty, who has actually cracked his story. The beat board is organized and ready to go. The key was in figuring out who the real killer is, and it’s not Dr. Nicky. According to Forty, it can only be Beck’s unnamed ex-boyfriend, because he’s the one who truly loved her. Just as Joe is about to slash Forty’s throat, Forty reveals that he can empathize. His au pair didn’t kill herself – Forty killed her in a jealous rage. He claims to have blacked out, then awakened to see himself standing over her corpse. Their parents made it look like a suicide. So, Love’s weirdness around that story could have been the simple fact of lying about it. But the detail of Forty blacking out has me doubting… Maybe he didn’t kill her. But maybe he did. We’ll see. Either way, Joe is immensely comforted by this story and in turn, he comforts Forty. The two seem solidly bonded by this experience.

The next morning, Forty is MIA. Joe has exactly one hour and twenty minutes to resolve his situation with Delilah. The plan is to negotiate with Delilah so he can live happily ever after with Love. He makes it to the storage unit with seconds to spare. There’s just one problem – Delilah’s dead. Did Joe kill her? I mean, it would make sense. He’s the only one who knows where she is. Except she’s lying in an ocean of blood, and his clothes are totally clean. There is no way someone who is peaking on four hits of acid could have gotten it together to murder someone, then either change into an identical outfit or wash the one he had on. Not possible. And that both Forty and Joe killed someone in a blackout is weird – I’m willing to bet that either it’s true in both cases or false in both cases. But if Love’s detective has been following Joe this whole time, as I suspect, a garden of possibilities blooms. See You next time!  

[shoddy-sonneteer]

Awakening Love

CHAPTER 2

Pairing: Mafia!Jaebum and Dcotor!Jinyoung

Genre: Fluff

Chapter 2

It had been two weeks since Jaebum had showed up at the hospital and Jinyoung had neither accepted his proposal nor denied it. But Jaebum was not one to give up so easily.

Jaebum showed up at the hospital everyday with lunch to both make sure he ate and also to make his presence known.

As much as Jinyoung liked the attention he got from Jaebum and knew that at some point he did start liking him back, there was something that held him back from confessing his feelings to him. He was sure that he wasn’t scared of him because of his job. But he didn’t want this relationship to be a total failure. He was scared that someone will screw up and this will go down the drain.

Jinyoung did not want another failed relationship that made him wonder for days, weeks and even months where it all went wrong and whether it was his fault that it did not work. He did not want sleepless nights where his own dark thoughts ate him up and made his feel miserable about himself.

Jinyoung knew he should talk about his fears and insecurities instead of leading him on like this. But how does one bring this up in a regular conversation? ‘The food is nice. Thanks. Also, I have serious insecurity about relationships and that’s the reason why I haven’t given you a proper answer. But it’s no big deal. Let’s continue eating.’ Yea, that should be a grand success, Jinyoung thought to himself bitterly.

“Earth to Jinyoung.” Jaebum waved his hand over his face trying to grab his attention back to what he was saying. “What were you thinking so deeply?”

“Its nothing.” Jinyoung dismissed it quickly.

“Okay.” Jaebum agreed without wanting to push him too much. He observed that Jinyoung was on that liked his own personal space and the one way to get him to open up was to give him some space and time.

After Jaebum said that, Jinyoung thought about it. Maybe now was a good time to tell him. The opportunity presented itself for Jinyoung and yet he let it go. He wanted to smack himself for being dumb.

“Actually.” Jinyoung started, looking at Jaebum. “I was thinking about this thing going on between us.”

“Us?” Jaebum asked with a small smile.

“Yea. Us. I know I haven’t given you a proper answer yet for the dating question you asked me. And I also know its not fair on my part to do this to you.” Jinyoung paused taking a deep breath preparing himself to talk about the one thing he had been trying to bury deep down for a really long time.

“It’s ok, Jinyoung. Take your time. You don’t have to explain.” Jaebum said passing him a warm smile.

“No. It’s not ok. The thing is I’m scared. Not about you or your job. About me. Us. What if we don’t work and we end it in bad terms.”

Jaebum didn’t know how to respond to that. Nothing can be said for certain and anything can happen anytime. Jaebum knew this better than anyone. He lives a life of risks and uncertainties and yet he didn’t know what to tell him to make him feel better.

“I should tell you where this fear of mine is coming from. My ex and I. we loved each other and were together for over a year. But I don’t know how or why, but we started drifting apart just like that. We fought a lot for even the smallest things and blamed each other for everything.

Even when we decided to try to work it out because we loved each other it ended up badly. The fights were worse than before. We weren’t ready to adjust with each other even for the smallest things. At the end a big fight broke out because I went to a party that one of my colleagues hosted to celebrate his promotion when at the same time, he lost his job because of recession. We argued, yelled and called each other names and then we broke up. We knew it was not going to work out anymore no matter how much we tried to mend it. The relationship was broken beyond repair and there was nothing to save.

Even now, sometimes I wonder how that fight started in the first place and I think maybe if I had listened to him more back then, we would still be together. This thought haunted me for so long that I couldn’t get a proper good night’s sleep.

But, thankfully for me, my friends were really supportive of me and helped me get through it. It took me a long time to get over him and my own guilt.

I don’t want that to happen to us because I really like you and I don’t want to screw things up between us.” Jinyoung finished with tears filling his eyes.

Jaebum got up from his seat and knelt before Jinyoung cupping his face making him look at him.

“Jinyoung. Your fear is quite rational and I understand how hard it must have been for you to open to me about these things and I appreciate that. The future is uncertain and we cannot tell for sure what is going to happen. But I can assure you that I will not let our today be ruined because of anything and make sure you’re happy because you’re my Prince and my Prince shouldn’t worry about anything.” He said pressing his lips to his forehead.

Jinyoung couldn’t help but shed a tear after listening to what he said. Ever since he broke up with his ex, Jinyoung had difficulty in loving someone and opening up to them. But Jaebum was different. Jaebum wanted to change the way Jinyoung perceived the world if he let him and for some weird reason, he did.

Jinyoung believed that Jaebum could help him love himself and make him see all the colours of life and enjoy it to its fullest.

Slowly, Jinyoung bent down and kissed Jaebum wanting to convey all his emotions. Jaebum responded immediately but let Jinyoung set the pace for them. He wanted Jinyoung to be comfortable and not doubt anything about them.

The moment of intimacy and bliss shared by them was short lived as Jinyoung got called because of an emergency to one of his patients.

“Go, my Prince. I’ll be right here waiting for you.” Jaebum said pecking his lips as Jinyoung pouted.

“Promise?”

“Yes. Now go before you kill your patient.”

Hearing that Jinyoung yelled a ‘shit’ and ran out of the room grabbing his coat and stethoscope which made Jaebum laugh at how adorable and cute Jinyoung looked.

 Jaebum wanted to treasure the look that Jinyoung had when they were rudely interrupted, though for valid reasons because he looked so cute when he was pouting like that. Jinyoung was the most cutest and amazing guy that Jaebum had ever met in his whole life and considered himself lucky to have gotten to know him and date him.

[stringnarratives]

Death by Misadventure: “Russian Doll”

[This post brought to you with major spoilers for season 1 of Netflix’s show “Russian Doll” and the 1993 film “Groundhog Day,” as well as minor spoilers the 2011 film “Source Code.” It also includes mentions of suicide and death. “Russian Doll” is rated TV-MA for mature audiences.]

“Thinking about death without, for the moment, actually dying is heady. Humans must surely be the only animals who contemplate doom, and as long as we do so, we are still human—and paradoxically not doomed.“

- Virginia Heffernan, “The Beautiful Benefits of Contemplating Doom”

I’ve written the intro to this blog post five times.

Two of them were placeholders, representing the various iterations the post went through as it was being written. Par for the course, as every blog post shifts directions once or twice in its lifespan. Two of them were vague and disconnected, a little less graceful than I prefer on average. One was far too short, the other winding in its logic in a way that lost sense even to me early on. And the last one? 

The last one was perfect.

It was graceful, it was anecdotal, it was philosophical. I physically got out of bed in the middle of the night to write it. I had dreams about this intro! It was the best in casual pop culture analysis blog-writing introductions that I had produced to date.

And then it was gone. 

Maybe I saved over it, maybe it never saved to begin with, or maybe it really all was just a very weird and vivid and nerdy dream. But when I logged on for final review last night, it was apparent - the intro was gone without a trace. No proof that it had ever existed except for the disappointment of one unfortunate blogger.

Honestly, there are very few narratives more appropriate for an iterative struggle like this one than the one we’re discussing today. Its characters too are given the opportunity to try things over again - whether they want it or not. Only for them, the thing that has them starting over is a little more dramatic than a lost file. 

In fact, it’s death.

“Russian Doll” begins with the 36th birthday party of software engineer Nadia Vulvokov (Natasha Lyonne), who begins to experience a time loop of repeated deaths - being hit by a car, drowning, tumbling down stairs - that always lands her back at the night of her party. Perplexed (to say the least) by the happenings, Nadia attempts to break out of the cycle through various means to no avail before encountering Alan Zaveri (Charlie Barnett), a fellow New Yorker and a friend-of-a-friend who is also stuck in a time loop of the night his girlfriend breaks up with him. Together, they discover how to escape the loop, just before it wrecks both of their lives completely. (If you’ve never seen the show, or don’t want to see it, there’s an even more in-depth synopsis of “Russian Doll” over on Refinery29!)

"Time loops” in narratives often (though not exclusively) go one of two ways: They are a vehicle for self improvement or a vehicle for rescue.

On one hand, they create a sand-box of impermanence for moral redirection, forcing the protagonist to right their wrongs before proceeding with their lives. Nobody remembers the awful things done or said during the time loop; they only witness the reformed character that comes out the other side. In perhaps the most famous example of this type, Phil Connors (Bill Murray) relives Groundhog Day until he comes to respect the residents of Punxatawney, Pennsylvania in the 1993 film “Groundhog Day.”

(In literary/cinematography analysis, this is aspect of repetitive moral rebuilding within a time loop is frequently associated with religious symbolism or themes. That’s a whole other rabbit [or should I say...groundhog?] hole that I won’t go down in depth here, other than to say that “Russian Doll” seems to use this typicality as a misdirection for both characters and viewer. Nadia does investigate whether or not the fact that her loop begins in a former Yeshiva school could have something to do with her entrapment, but since Alan also experiences the phenomenon and starts in a different building, this is proven unlikely.)

When time loops aren’t being used to rehabilitate a morally questionable character, they’re often used as a mechanism for rescue. Whether it’s a specific person in danger or the world as a whole, being stuck in a time loop gives a character the opportunity to try and fail to remedy a situation without immediate consequence. Ultimately, the only thing that could prove a substantial or lingering challenge is the question of futility. Is this something that can actually be fixed, or is there a “destiny” that the situation must conform to, no matter their actions? Whereas in the first example, a time loop gave the character a playground to practice functional goodness, heroism-focused time loops give the character the opportunity to perfect a complex good deed when they are vastly underpowered to do so. “Source Code” (2011 film starring Jake Gyllenhaal) is one such of these films; one man relives the last eight minutes of a stranger’s life in order to determine who has bombed a Chicago commuter train, starting with a grand total of zero clues. The time loop is only broken after he has completed his task. (There are some plot twists in there, though, trust me. A fairly satisfying “nothing on TV” Saturday afternoon movie.)

All of that noted to say that “Russian Doll” doesn’t necessarily fit neatly into either of these categories. 

Neither Nadia nor Alan have significant moral wrongs to right (at least that are shared with the viewer). Instead, both are ignoring major turmoil in their lives - their true emotional states. 

Nadia is ignoring childhood trauma that affected both her perception of herself and those around her, opting for self-sabotaging behaviors as an adult. At the opening of “Russian Doll,” she faces her birthday party half-heartedly, expressing more loving affection to her missing cat than the guests who have gathered to celebrate her. It’s later revealed that she ended a long-term relationship because she couldn’t bring herself to meet her partner’s daughter, though she refuses to acknowledge the emotional block.

While we see somewhat less of Alan’s predicament, in our introduction, he contends with his own fastidiousness in day-to-day life and the betrayal of his girlfriend, who leaves him for her college professor on the night Alan planned to propose. This throws him into a spiral - he gets drunk and, in the first loop, at least, commits suicide in his despair then proceeds to block out the action as he lives through future loops. 

Instead of being the termination of all of these personal struggles, dying gives both main characters a wake up call. Whereas death, in most narratives, is a dreaded obstacle, for the majority of the show, it is actually the impetus for the characters’ movement and growth in “Russian Doll.” It is simultaneously an elimination of the worst-case-scenario, giving them the repetitive space and time to probe old wounds, and a paradoxical resuscitation, breaking them from the habits that they had hidden in for so long. 

Nadia, removed from the boundary of death for herself, reckons with the fact that she does care deeply for the people around her, in various ways: She works hard to ensure her foster mother Ruth doesn’t die in a house fire, she attempts to mend her relationship with her ex, and she comes to care about Alan. Little by little, her closed-offedness falls away in layers leaving her emotionally vulnerable enough to actually be reliant on Alan by the end of the show - a huge step from the Nadia visible at the beginning of the season.

Alan, realizing the loops, has alleviated himself from the burden of perfectionism that he seems to be trapped in before meeting Nadia, abandoning his attempts to reengage with his girlfriend, fighting the professor she’d cheated with, and eventually coming to accept the situation. He embraces messiness and in it, finds release.

Does this qualify as an act of self-salvation (and, therefore, a definitive heroism-loop)? I daresay the answer is no. Neither character went into the loop with the goal of saving anyone, though much less themselves. In the end, they escape the loop (assumedly) with the other’s help. But even this could not have been done if internal changes hadn’t occurred first. Without Nadia’s awakening to her emotional attachment to those around her and Alan’s recognition that his perfectionist routines are weak against unyielding time-space phenomena (and, indeed, other major events in life as well), neither would have come to accept help at all.

The characters in “Russian Doll” are neither immoral nor heroic, in any traditional sense. They aren’t seeking to be taught a lesson, nor are they seeking to teach others. They aren’t immortal in any permanent sense. They’re just people - broken, flawed and affected by circumstance, carrying trauma. Little by little, it’s death that helps them to realize that brokenness, and, ultimately, is what brings them back to life again.