#I have a feeling I’m super poorly describing this

[theworstcreature]

Guys PLEASE TELL ME one of yall has photos of that one Snapchat interview ajr did AGES ago (I wanna say living room era??) where they’re all just like chillin in brightly colored pajamas in like a stereotypical girly girl room

I SWEAR I HAD THE PHOTOS BUT I CANT FIND EM AND I NEED TO PROVE TO MY FRIEND THAT THEY EXIST 😭😭😭

[httpkaulitz]

Say yes to me

PAIRINGS: Demon Bill x Female reader

CONTENT: Smutt

SYNOPSIS: Halloween is a perfect day to collect a soul.

WARNINGS: dom!Bill, sub!reader, mention of drugs and drinking, mention of stalking, mention of blood and bite, manipulation, unprotected sex, p in v, public sex.

A/N: I'm late for Halloween, but here's Demon Bill that I've been promising for ages.

Halloween parties were the perfect excuse to dress up in a scary, sexy outfit and get drunk. Most people went to parties just to get completely drunk and make out with masked strangers. And you were no different.

The general aesthetic appealed to you, since you've always liked dark things. Your best friend had gotten tickets to this super exclusive party, you didn't know how, but you didn't really care about knowing, since she probably sucked someone's dick to get it.

As soon as you stepped foot in the place you realized how luxurious it was. The old mansion had at least three floors and the backyard was huge. The whole place was impeccably decorated and there were lots of red lights scattered around the place, giving it a devilish and lustful atmosphere.

The loud music reverberated throughout the place and the people around were dancing, their bodies glued together almost in sync. You had to blink a few times to avoid being caught mesmerized by the scene.

You've been to a lot of Halloween parties, a lot of them. But none of them had ever been so perfect. You couldn’t describe it, it wasn’t just the decorations or the perfectly dressed people. It was a feeling. A mix of danger and adventure that you couldn’t explain why you were feeling.

“I told you to come dressed up.” Your friend suddenly shouted, jumping up next to you. She was clearly already half drunk, with a glass of drink in her hand.

“I’m dressed up!” You said, indignant at her not-so-subtle way of saying you were poorly dressed.

She looked me up and down and pointed her finger at you before speaking. “A black dress and a witch’s hat isn’t really a costume.”

She was right, the people in this place were dressed up like they were in a million dollar competition to see who would win the prize for best costume. Some were so good they looked real.

Your friend had somehow managed to come up with a realistic enough costume that it didn’t look like she��d just picked something improvised like you.

“Well, if I’d known it would be like this I would have rented something.” You said as you observed the people around you.

“It doesn’t matter now. Come on, I want to show you something.” She grabbed your wrist and pulled you back outside.

You followed her to the back of the tent and saw a huge tent set up. There was a small line of people and she stopped right behind the last one.

“What is that?” You asked confused.

“It’s a seer!” She said excitedly. “Can you believe it? They also made a horror maze on the third floor.” Well, that was cool, you didn’t understand why she was so excited about the seer.

“Why are you so excited about this?” You asked as you watched her. Your friend had never been one to believe in that kind of thing.

To be honest, neither did you. Yes, you always liked the idea of ​​mythological and supernatural beings existing, but it was kind of impossible for everything to be real.

She looked at you with a look of “you’re being silly.” And then said, “If real gypsies exist, they would definitely be here. Haven’t you ever heard of the party hosts?”

Of course you had heard of them. A millionaire and somewhat eccentric family who are passionate about the supernatural. Every year they throw a Halloween party, so uniquely extraordinary that everyone wants to attend. After the parties, there were always rumors of people who had supernatural experiences. In your opinion, these people were either very drunk or on drugs.

“So what? Are you going to ask about the future or something?” Just as your friend was about to answer you, the person in front of you gave up on entering, giving you and your friend the chance.

The two of you looked at each other for a few seconds and then went in. It was exactly as you expected. Dim lighting, some crystals and incense. The woman was sitting on the other side of the table and your friend ran to sit in the chair across from her.

You waited, standing a little ways away, while your friend held the woman's hand and asked stupid questions like "Is Johnny going to break up with Camila to be with me?" You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. Seriously, she could at least ask something useful like the lottery numbers.

After that, you stopped paying attention, but it wasn't long before her time was up and it was your turn. Not that you really wanted to participate, but your friend was kind of forcing you.

You held out your hand for her to hold and stared at her. "I don't really have anything to ask." You said nervously, feeling like you were wasting her time.

"You don't have to." She frowned as if trying to understand the situation. "I see something with you, a shadow that follows you."

"Maybe it's that guy who appears in your dreams." Your friend said laughing.

You quickly looked at her and muttered "Shut up." You didn't want this woman to gather any information to even try to get into your head.

But she didn't seem to pay attention to what you and your friend were saying. She was very focused on you, almost hypnotized. "It's always with you, watching you and guiding your path."

Your friend butted in again, now looking even more excited. "So what? Does she have a guardian angel?"

"I would say it's the opposite." The woman answered automatically and let go of your hand.

"What?" You asked confused.

"Don't say yes to him." She said firmly, looking scared.

"To who?" Nothing she said made sense. Was she trying to scare you or what?

"Next!" She turned and faced the two of you, waiting for you to leave.

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You and your friend had no idea what had really happened in the tent, but you decided to believe that it was some kind of marketing ploy so that the two of you would leave the party saying that you had had a supernatural experience.

You decided that after that you needed a drink and a little dancing to forget all of this. But now more than ever you felt watched. Even dancing in the middle of the crowd you felt like you were in a spotlight with eyes completely focused on you.

You felt hands grip your hips tightly, even without seeing who it was you didn't care. It was a welcome distraction. His body danced in sync with yours, as if you were one.

Sweat was dripping down your neck and the multicolored lights were making you feel a little dizzy. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back on the stranger's shoulder. His hands released your hips, he brushed your hair away from your face and then slid his hands down your arms, down your back, and finally back to your hips. When you heard the voice whispering in your ear, "Come find me." You jumped away. When you looked back, there was no one there.

You decided that you should leave the dance floor, maybe all these lights and people together were making your head confused. Since you hadn't seen the other rooms of the party besides the first floor yet, you decided to go up. The second floor was kind of an extension of the first, except that it was much darker than the first floor and there were some platforms with people dancing in almost animalistic costumes that made them look half human, half animal.

At this point, you had no idea where your friend was. Your head was a mess, but you refused to believe the nonsense that strange woman told you. You went to the stairs and went up to the third floor.

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You didn't remember how you ended up inside the maze, all you remembered was a man dressed as a mad scientist giving you a neon green drink to drink.

The endless corridors and colorful lights were starting to make your head spin. There was nothing or no one around, it was just corridors and more empty corridors, you could even hear your footsteps as you walked aimlessly.

You were sure you were lost and your paranoid mind wasn't helping you. When you turned around in the hopes of being able to follow the same path and find the door you came in through, all you saw was a huge wall.

“No, no, no.” You said exasperatedly as you touched the wall to confirm that it was real. But how could that be real? You had just passed by there.

For the first time you heard footsteps that weren’t yours, but when you looked around there was no one.

“Hello, is anyone there?” You shouted but no one answered, the only sound you heard was the echo of your voice and the footsteps that now seemed faster as if they were running.

A small feeling of panic and urgency took over you and you ran. You couldn’t say for sure what it was, maybe it was paranoia or instinct. You felt like you had to get out of there, you knew that finding whoever was the owner of those footsteps wouldn’t be a good thing.

You continued running through the maze without knowing exactly where you were going, you didn’t even know if you were close to the exit or not. The loud and hurried footsteps seemed to follow you, but whenever you looked back there was no one.

It hadn’t even been five minutes but to you it already seemed like an eternity. Until as you ran and looked back you bumped into something. The impact was so strong that it threw you backwards and you fell on your butt.

“Are you okay?” The man in front of you asked. He didn’t really look worried, his expression was neutral, but when you didn’t answer he tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy.

“I-I’m fine, I was just trying to get out.” You stammered still confused at how he ended up in front of you.

“It’s pretty confusing, isn’t it?” He asked as he extended his hand towards you. “They really just made a maze. Well, I guess it’s scarier when you realize how hard it is to get out.”

You gladly took his hand and let him help you up. You could feel the heat radiating from him even through the white glove.

“Yeah, it wasn’t quite what I expected.” You said still nervously. You were starting to feel aware of how bad your costume was as you watched him closely.

His outfit looked old, but luxurious. His long, white hair was too beautiful to be just a wig, so it must be a very expensive one. The white makeup with blood dripping from his horns and lips looked so natural that you had a hard time telling if it wasn't real. Maybe you were just a little drunk from the drink you had before entering the maze.

“Are you sure you're okay?” He asked again, now looking at you more closely as if he wanted to read your thoughts. You just nodded. “Come with me, I'll help you get out of here.”

He held your hand and you just followed him, strangely he gave you mixed feelings. At the same time that you felt like you could follow him forever, like he was someone familiar to you, you also felt like you had to run and disappear somewhere he could never find you again.

“What are you?” You asked as you pointed to his costume. An attempt to make the awkward silence disappear.

He looked at you with a small smile and then answered you. “A demon.” He looked very proud. You would feel the same way if you were dressed in a decent costume instead of the crap you were wearing.

“Witch.” You said, pointing to yourself. He laughed and you didn’t know if he was making fun of you or if he just found the situation funny.

It didn’t take long for you to find your way out. You were ready to go downstairs and get some fresh air when Bill grabbed you by the arm.

“I want to ask you something.” He said softly, his voice almost melodic.

After that, everything became a big blur. It was like you were hypnotized, like his presence was clouding your senses. His black, shiny eyes watched you intently while his hands traveled over your body, feeling every part.

No matter the question, you would say yes.

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You couldn't stop the moans and screams that left your lips, even if you tried. Your eyes were cloudy and tears were streaming down your cheeks as you were fucked relentlessly. The danger of being caught made everything more exciting, the excitement was boiling your blood hotter and making the pleasure you were succumbing to intensify.

Bill hadn't just made you say yes to him, he made you beg and beg. Somehow you couldn't explain, he had this sexual aura that drove you crazy just by being in his presence.

And you weren't ashamed to beg for more, with drool running down your lips and tears welling up in those beautiful doe eyes due to the euphoria and boundless lust, and your lips swollen from the kiss, Bill found it hard to resist.

You were holding tightly to the railing of the stairs. Your feet stopped touching the ground minutes later, using the railing to ground yourself. Bill's hips were moving forward and relentless. The head of his cock kept hitting against that familiar spot that made you moan loudly and your body tremble.

You could only let out loud moans, whimpers and screams, your words were incoherent and you couldn't focus on anything other than the sensations that were passing through your body. Bill's well-aimed thrusts made you stupid and with the way that cock in you made your lower abdomen distend a little, he feared you would break.

No. He wanted to break you and you wanted Bill to break you into a thousand pieces and then reshape you into whatever image he wanted.

The thought of Bill breaking you and making you know no one but him had you babbling and begging for the man to go harder. If you were even halfway coherent, you would blush at the way you were moaning like a whore. Loud, desperate and hungry for more. It defied the intensity of Bill’s grunts and hissed curses. He reached down and lifted one of your legs while his other hand remained on your hip, bringing it back to meet his thrusts.

"P-please!" You whimpered, your hands shaking.

"Greedy girl." Bill whispered in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine at how thick, husky, and tight it was. "Even though I'm fucking you into oblivion, reshaping your insides with my cock, you still want more." He whispered sensually, his hot breath brushing against your neck.

You could only let out a moan in response.

"Well then, who am I to refuse you, my love." He pressed a loving kiss to your neck, sucking on the skin. His fangs scraped against your skin, wanting to sink into that excess flesh and pull out the delicious nectar that was hidden beneath it. "Take it then. Take it all."

And you did. Your eyes widened as you let out a choked gasp, your hands kneading the metal railing as they tightened.

Bill's cock was now hammering into you, the pace increasing. You couldn’t help but take it, your eyes rolling back as a steady wave of pleasure mixed with a little pain kept hitting you. If this kept up, you were going to come.

As if he knew exactly what was going to happen, he said, “Let it go.” Burying his nose in the crook of your neck.

It hit you so suddenly that you lost your voice for a second. You let out a choked noise as your body twitched and your legs shook.

Every nerve ending in you lit up like fireworks, your mouth falling open and your body shaking as ecstasy hit you like a train. You couldn’t think, and for a moment, you forgot how to breathe. Your senses went blank and white noise filled your ears.

But that didn’t stop Bill from chasing his own pleasure. He continued to fuck you through your orgasm, pounding the little air you had left in your lungs. His hips never stopped their impulses, still grinding relentlessly against you.

You were whimpering and babbling deliriously like a broken record. You couldn’t see clearly, your pleasure-induced haze clouding any semblance of thought. Your vision was blurred by the constant tears you were shedding.

Bill groaned hoarsely as he continued to thrust into your overstimulated body, his hips snapping against your ass without stopping. The tightness of your pussy around his cock had him approaching his own orgasm, his rhythm beginning to falter and his thrusts disorganized.

Without holding back any longer, Bill sank his fangs into your shoulder, causing you to let out a shrill cry. Around his blood-filled mouth, he groaned loudly as he came, his hips still moving as he painted your pussy with his cum. Some of it leaked out with each thrust of his cock, the squelching noises sinful and filthy. His hips soon stilled, flushed against your ass.

You passed out the moment Bill removed his fangs from your neck, the pleasure too much for you to handle. Bill just laughed hoarsely, his hair disheveled and his skin glistening with a sheen of sweat. After so much time waiting and watching you. You had finally said yes to him. Now you were all his, flesh, blood, and soul.

[cowpokeomens]

Little One

Pairing: Joakim "Jolly" Karlsson x Reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI WITH THIS!!! Anyways, we got some smut, some vaginal fingering, p in v, blowjobs, praise kink, cute pet names, lots of kissing, lots of me being h-word, enjoy folks

He’s staring.

You can feel him staring.

Part of you wonders why the others haven’t made fun of him yet- they jump at the opportunity to clown on each other, scoff when someone is being “soft.” You hadn’t risked a glance in a long time to judge the nature of the stare- was it soft? If not, what was it? Surely you aren’t the only one aware of the stare to begin with?

You do your best not to wriggle around where you sit on the floor, cuffing your sweats one more time out of nervousness. They were from some super-secret-elite-mega-ultra-exclusive merch drop, and Noah had insisted on you needing a pair, because “Who the fuck doesn’t own a single pair of sweats?” They were as comfortable as described, if not a bit long. Such was the case when clothing was designed by giants, you reckoned. 

“Lillis.” You heard a Swedish murmur, knowing the name was directed at you. You remembered the first time you had heard it, had corrected him with a polite, “Oh, that’s not my name.” You remembered his shy smile as he said he knew. You had never gotten around to asking him to translate, worried it meant “donkey shit” and would ruin the maladaptive daydream in your head wherein he wanted you back and-

Stop, you thought to yourself. We don’t go there.

You finally raised your eyes to his, dark and thoughtful and all-consuming; eyes that had been trained on you for at least half an hour. “Hm?” Was your dazzling response. 

He gave you a sweet smile, barely there. “Everyone said they were going to grab food for dinner, were you going to tag along or slum it with me here until they get back?” He leaned in conspiratorially, stage-whispering, “If you stay, we can warm up in Mario Kart and dethrone Noah.”

“As if.” Came a scoff from the kitchen, where the man in question was slipping on a pair of slides. 

“New plan: You have to stay, because I’m tired of his arrogance.” Nicholas chimed in matter-of-factly, tugging on a pair of worn-out sneakers. 

A debate broke out between them, Nick serving as instigator to both sides as Noah listed all the reasons why he was “so damn good” at the racing game. You felt a tap on your shoulder. 

He was closer now, too close for you to hide your sharp intake of breath at his proximity. “So you’re going to tag along with those goofballs?” Jolly gave you a knowing look, as if he already knew the answer. No doubt it was evident on your face. 

You returned his smile. “I think I’ll sit that one out, thanks.” Then, raising your voice slightly to be heard over the kerfuffle in the kitchen, “Y’all go ahead, I’ll hang back here.”

Nicholas hid a smile poorly, Noah outright rolled his eyes. “Figures. Text us your order, don’t do anything nasty on the couch-” He was cut off with a loud smack, voice trailing down the hallway as the group hastily exited. “Ow, fuck. What? It’s true! He’s been staring-”

You could feel your cheeks warming up as his words grew fainter. Jolly seemed unbothered, already setting up the Nintendo Switch controllers, handing you your signature purple. 

“So, unfortunately, I don’t know if we’ll actually be able to dethrone the king tonight. You know how much I suck at Mario Kart- and I haven’t played in months probably.” You admit sheepishly.

Jolly huffed a laugh at your confession, coming over to sit beside you- so close that your outstretched legs were bumping against each other. You could smell the shampoo he used that morning, cologne coming off him in soft waves, the scent of amber and tonka bean mixing with something else that was heady and dark. You wanted to burrow your face into the smell and fall asleep. 

“Fear not, älskling, we can sharpen your skills in no time.” He made quick work of adjusting the settings, then turned to you suddenly. “C’mere.”

You blinked. “I am here?”

He huffed another laugh, then motioned to the ground between his legs. “No, like, here. Come sit, I can’t help you from all the way over there.”

Your face was scarlet, you knew it. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, but you nodded and got up anyways, shuffling over to settle yourself between his long legs. Your back was rod-straight, afraid of what it might feel like to relax against his chest. His arms came up and around you, making you feel small in comparison as he placed his hands atop yours on the controller. His hair tickled your arm as he leaned forward, chin resting at the juncture of your shoulder and neck. You reminded yourself to breathe. 

“Okay, so the first thing we’re going to do is customize the car. What character do you want?” 

“Peach.” You replied automatically, not giving it a thought. 

You could feel his smile. “Princess for the princess, sounds good.” He selected the little blonde character, the screen shifting to a selection of bikes, wheels, and gliders. “So if you press this button, it’ll show you the stats for each option. You can go for speed, but keep in mind that it can be harder to turn…” He continued on as you found yourself relaxing into the lull of his voice, nodding at the appropriate times, letting his fingers guide you across the screen. Your shoulders slumped a bit, back coming to rest against his chest every so slightly, the soft material of his sweatshirt cushioning you. 

“... did you get any of that?”

“Hm?” You straightened a bit, more alert now. “Oh- uh, yeah. I want the little pink sportscar- with the stripes on it.”

“That one has the lowest speed, älskling.” You could hear him fighting back a laugh.

“The stripes will make me faster.” You argued. “And what is an ‘L-sling?’ Will it make me go faster, too?”

He couldn’t hold back his laugh now, shoulders curving forward to bump against you gently with the action. “Älskling, not ‘L-sling,’ lillis.”

You sighed, exasperated. “What does that even mean? It’s no fair, I don’t even know what you’re saying! Is it mean?” He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off. “Oh my god, it’s totally mean, I changed my mind I don’t want to know-”

“Baby.” You froze at the word. He had set down the controller, hand sitting lightly on your thigh. Your skin was seared where his fingertips grazed. “They’re not bad words, they’re just-” He stopped with a soft sigh. 

You decided to be brave, turning around so you could see his face. You sat back on your heels, looking at him expectantly, patiently. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He said at last. 

You looked down, cheeks flushing, fingers toying with each other. One of his hands reached out to grab yours, stilling their movement. You took a deep breath. “Okay, trade.” 

He cocked his head, confused. “Trade?”

You nodded. “Mhm. You tell me what ‘lillis’ means, and I’ll tell you something too.”

He thought about it. “Do I get to pick what you tell me?”

You furrowed your brows despite yourself. “Yeah, I guess that’s fair. Now go.”

A ghost of a smile flashed across his face. “Lillis is like, ‘little one,’ I guess would be the closest translation.” He looked sheepish for a moment, continuing, “It’s, uh, well- it’s kind of like baby talk?”

“You’re calling me a little baby?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. 

He laughed now, shattering the tension of the moment. “No, I’m calling you little. In the tone that you’d use with a baby. It’s-” 

“I am not little!” You objected indignantly. 

He gave you a simpering look. You frowned. He continued on, “It’s a term of endearment. Now,” both of his hands came to rest on the tops of your thighs. “You tell me something- something you would never, ever tell me otherwise.”

A million ideas flashed through your mind, ranging from domestic scenes of cooking dinner to carnal desires that you only indulged yourself in when you were at home, in your bed, very alone. Your face heated up, whether from shame or arousal you weren’t sure. Now wasn’t the time for it anyways. 

“I can see you overthinking, älskling. Spill it.” He ducked his head down to look into your eyes, and you found yourself unable to stop your mouth from opening. 

“The first time I saw you I wanted to kiss you.” You blurted, jaw snapping shut, as if the force would somehow form a vacuum that could suck all the words back in. 

He was grinning, a devilish thing that was entirely too smug and self-satisfied given the circumstances. “Oh yeah?”

“Shut up.” You grumbled, unable to formulate a witty response. 

He leaned closer, hands resting on the outer curve of your thigh, gripping slightly. “And now?”

“Now what?” You countered, unsure of what he was saying.

A smile lingered on his lips, the way wildflowers linger in the early days of autumn. You realized too late that he was too close again. “Do you still want to kiss me now?”

You swallowed once, breaths ragged. Finally, you nodded. 

Another grin. “Then ask nicely.”

Your mouth dropped open, taken aback. “‘Ask nicely?’” You repeated, rage bubbling up to the surface. “You should ask nicely! You’re the one staring at me today! Big, dumb, Swedish-”

You were cut off as his lips crashed into yours, one hand leaving your thigh to grab your jaw, the other coming up to your back to pull you against him. You melted into the feeling, your hands finding their way to his face. 

“Pretty girl,” he murmured against your lips, in between kisses. “My pretty girl.” His tongue came out to trace your bottom lip, catching it in his teeth and tugging on it. The groan you let out was entirely involuntary, legs scrambling up so you could settle in his lap. He bit your lip again, and your hips flexed into him, grinding down. 

“Älskling, we don’t have to do anything-” He mumbled around your mouth, hands pulling you impossibly closer. 

“We don’t,” You agreed, then continued, “But if it’s all the same to you, I have a lot of ideas filed under ‘things I would never, ever tell you-’” 

You could feel his grin in the kiss, large hands coming down to grip at your ass, kneading the flesh there. You whimpered, hands gripping at his shoulders. 

“Not here.” He finally broke away to pant. “Not the couch.”

The giggle that escaped you was almost delirious, the shock that this was really happening coursing through your body. He stood, pulling you up with him, guiding you both to his room. 

“Oh, we’re gonna have weird, nasty sex.” You sang gleefully. 

He laughed loudly at your antics, finally reaching his room, where he shut and locked the door quickly. You backed up slowly, until the backs of your legs hit the bed. He turned to look at you then, pupils blown wide with lust. He was in front of you in two quick strides, hands resting on your hips. 

“Tell me.” He demanded, tone not in the least bit demanding. “Tell me the ideas you have.”

You gulped, suddenly shy again. “Um…”

“Trade?” He prompted. His hands had made their way under your shirt, rubbing at the bare skin of your back. 

You nodded, happier with the agreement. “Um, well.” 

A thought popped in your head, one of the more profane on your list of fantasies. It must have reflected on your face, because Jolly’s next words were: “Tell me.”

You blushed for the millionth time that night. But, a deal was a deal. “Remember when I flew out to visit y’all in Texas? The hotel with the balconies?”

A wicked grin spread on his face, following your line of thought. “Go on.”

“I thought- I thought about you. About us. On the balcony.” You stammered. 

“A bit more detail, baby.” He pushed gently.

Bolstering your courage, you continued. “I thought about what- what it would feel like, to have you bend me over the railing and do what you wanted with me. I thought-” You took a shaky breath. “Thought about the people who might have seen me- seen us and known that I was yours.”

His grip was tight on you now as he pushed you back onto the bed. “Thank you for sharing. Want to know what I was thinking about that night, in the next room?”

You nodded too fast, desperate. It didn’t go unnoticed by him.

He was hovering over you now, nose tracing the column of your neck. “I could hear you, y’know.” You froze. “Heard you moaning and whimpering. I thought about what it would be like to be able to spread you out and have my way with you. What kind of sounds you’d make, how long it would take for you to start shaking for me. How long it would take for you to fall apart for me.” His hands were under your shirt, holding your ribcage, thumbs playing the underside of your breasts. “I came twice before my cock finally softened enough for me to sleep.”

“Joakim.” You whimpered wantonly, lust clawing at your senses. 

“There she is.” He answered softly. “The girl in the room next to mine. She kept saying my name, too- moaned it every time she came. Think you can do that again, pretty girl?” You nodded desperately. “Use your words, baby.”

“Yes.” You gasped. “Whatever you want Joakim, I can do it.”

He pulled you into another deep kiss. “If you want to stop at any point, we can, okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good girl. Take off your clothes.” He instructed, standing up to watch you. 

You all but ripped off your shirt, tossing it to some corner of the room, your sweatpants following shortly after. You didn’t give a thought to your undergarments until Jolly said “Nice panties.”

A glance down reminded you that your underwear had a gingerbread man emblazoned on the front of them, remnants of an impulse purchase last Christmas. “Shut up- I’m doing laundry tomorrow.” You couldn’t suppress a grin, though. 

He crawled back onto the bed, kissing you deeply as soon as he was close enough. He leaned down and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking at it until it had hardened. You arched into his touch as he moved his focus to the other one, teeth just barely grazing the skin. Finally, you pawed at his sweatshirt. “You too- off, off.” 

You broke the kiss long enough for him to tug the article over his head, hair going in every direction. Your hands came down to tug at his pants, boxers doing nothing to conceal the bulge he was sporting. You tried stroking it through the material, but he swatted your hands away. “You first.” His tone was final. 

He pushed you back slowly, until he was fully on top of you, your legs coming up to wrap around his waist. His hips ground into you experimentally, a groan leaving his mouth. 

“Please,” You whimpered. “Joakim, please, I need something.”

“I know, pretty girl, so patient for me.” He soothed you as he snaked a hand between your bodies, running his middle finger along your slit. You moaned pitifully at the contact, arching into his touch. 

“You are so fucking wet, baby, holy shit-” His finger dipped deeper this time, running over your soaked hole lightly. 

“Stop teasing.” You demanded.

He gave you a grin. “If I was teasing you, you’d be crying.”

He thrust two fingers inside you before you could muster a response, curling them up in such a way that made your legs fully extend, toes flexing. He set a slow pace, languidly curling his fingers into you at different angles until he hit a spot that made you gasp. 

“There?” He questioned. 

“There, there, there, fuck, baby-” Your fingers dug into his shoulders, leveraging yourself as you ground into his hand. 

“That’s a good girl, take what you need.” His words were soft in your ear, the praise making you flush as his fingers continued to work that bundle of nerves inside you. 

“Fuck, Joakim, I’m gonna- I’m gonna-” Your voice broke off into staccato moans as he coaxed you through your orgasm, legs flailing uselessly against his sheets. 

You panted as he slipped his fingers out of you, tugging at your underwear until you were bare for him. He nudged your legs apart, confusing you as he dropped down to eye level with your soaked core. 

“What are you- fuck.” Your question was abruptly cut off by his tongue on your clit, lapping at the bud like candy. Your back arched off the bed as he worked his way down to your hole, tongue spearing in and out while his thumb continued to work your clit. You hands tangled into the roots of his hair, hips canting up desperately as you fucked back into his face. 

Your second orgasm reached you twice as quickly as the first one. “Joakim- I- I can’t-” Guttural moans escaped you as you fell over the precipice yet again, legs quivering as he continued to lap at you until you had come down. 

Your breaths came raggedly as you shoved your hair out of your face, sweat collecting on your forehead. Jolly came up to look at you, your slick coating him from nose to chin. You pulled him in to kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips, your head flopping back onto the mattress as he backed away. 

“You done?” He prodded, sounding unsure. 

“Absolutely not, if you don’t put your dick in me I will die, Joakim Karlsson-” You couldn’t finish your thought as you both dissolved into giggles. Finally you sat up, crawling over to hover on top of him. “My turn.”

You made quick work of his boxers, resolutely not letting yourself linger on the wet patch that could be seen on the front. His cock sprung free, and you tried your best not to salivate- failing miserably. “God, it’s prettier than I ever imagined.” You whispered, wonder in your voice. Joakim laughed at you again, hands coming up to cover his face. Pretty it was. A cherry red tip mocked you, capping off a sizable length, veins protruding down the underside. Dark curls nestled around the base, not a full bush, but far from bare. You wanted it in your mouth, nay- in your esophagus. 

You didn’t realize you had voiced your thought out loud until Jolly roared with laughter, head thrown back as he cackled. You pouted until he caught your expression, laughter dying down to a smile. “By all means, don’t let me stop you from achieving your dreams.” He gestured to himself. 

You sniffed haughtily, grabbing the girth and giving it a few experimental strokes. A soft sigh left the man’s mouth at your movements, body relaxing into the bed. You leaned forward enough to pop the tip into your mouth, suckling softly. A hand came up to pet your hair, a light grip settling in your roots. You took more of him, breathing deeply through your nose as your mouth worked its way down his shaft, pulling back slowly. You pushed yourself down again, until your nose was tickled by the curly hairs you saw earlier. 

“Fuck, baby, so good for me…” Jolly’s eyes were glued to you as you slid off, taking him deeply again, repeating the actions until his grip in your hair had tightened. You found a rhythm quickly, spit dripping down your chin as you worked him.

“Älskling, I don’t want to cum like this-” His words made you slow until you slipped off with a loud pop. He sighed at the loss. “One day- when I have a whole lot more self control than I do now- I’m gonna fuck your face until my cum leaks out of the sides of your mouth.”

Your brain went foggy at such a prospect, unable to form a coherent sentence. He huffed a laugh at your expression, flipping you both over so that you were back underneath him. One hand shot out to his bedside table, rummaging around until he procured a condom. He tore it open with his teeth, sliding it on with practiced hands. 

“You ready?” He checked one last time. 

“Yes, please, come on-” Your sentence broke off with a gasp as he entered you slowly, your already-sensitive hole stretching to accommodate his size. He gave you a few shallow thrusts, slowly working you open. “Joakim, please, I want- I want it deep.”

You could hear his sharp intake of breath, then he all but folded you in half as your legs were pushed up to rest on his shoulders. He bottomed out in one fluid motion, a feeling that had your eyes rolling up into your skull as you hands grasped at his arms. His pace was unrelenting, unforgiving as he fucked into you. You were babbling incoherently, a mixture of moans and “fuck, Joakim” filling the air. He leaned further over, somehow pushing even deeper into you.

“Does my girl like that? Is she getting fucked deep enough?”

“I- I-” You couldn’t string together words if your life depended on it. 

He placed a kiss on your jaw, an action that would have been tender had he not been fucking you so thoroughly. Your climax approached you like a freight train, until you were clawing at Jolly- arms, back, whatever you could reach. “Joakim, I’m gonna cum, I can’t-”

“Good girl, cum for me, milk my cock pretty girl.” He groaned.

That’s all it took to finish you off, back arching clean off the bed as your slick came out in spurts, legs shaking as Jolly fucked you through your third orgasm. He came shortly after, hands tightening almost painfully on your hips as his pelvis ground into you. He pulled out with a huff, collapsing onto the bed next to you. 

You curled up into his chest, breathing in his familiar scent. He placed a kiss on top of your head, chest heaving with labored breaths. A hand stroked your back lazily, tracing patterns, playing different imaginary notes on nonexistent frets. 

Finally you spoke up. “So, what does this make us?”

“What do you want us to be?” Came his reply. 

“That is such a cop-out, Jolly, come on now.” You huffed.

He shook with silent laughter. “Ideally? I’m thinking a fall wedding, maybe 3 kids, I really like the name ‘Axel,’ but I’m willing to hear your ideas too-”

You slapped his chest playfully. “I meant moreso ‘exclusive’ and ‘official.’”

“What is not ‘official’ or ‘exclusive’ about 3 beautiful children together? Is this an American thing-”

“Shut up.” You cut him off with a kiss, noses staying pressed together as you pulled away. “Since you’re being so difficult, you’re my boyfriend now, and you have no say in the matter.” 

He grinned. “I guess I could learn to enjoy that.” 

You were about to reply when the front door slammed shut. “Sorry guys, the taco place was stupid fucking busy, we- hey, where’d they go?” Came Noah’s voice, faint. 

“You said not to do anything nasty on the couch.” Nick reminded him helpfully. 

“That is disgusting- hey! If you can hear me, y’all are nasty-” 

“There’s tacos whenever you kids are done!” Nicholas chimed in.

[theonekrafter]

Hey! I just recently found your Magneto fic and I am absolutely obsessed. Any updates coming in the future?

i’m super glad you enjoyed magneto! this ask has gotten me to finally put a discontinued in the description of magneto. it’s not at ALL because of you in particular, but i’ve realized by putting off adding it to the description i’ll keep giving people false hope. forgive me if i use this ask for a tediously long post describing why exactly i will never update magneto, so i can link it easily for anyone with similar questions in the future. 😭

so. short answer? no. magneto will probably never be updated. i’m really sorry for that. my interests have changed since graduating high school and i don’t really want to write bnha anymore.

long answer?

i started writing magneto pre-pandemic during my junior year of high school. i had seen there was only about a 100 self inserts for bnha at the time and thought “well, if i post something it’ll probably get a lot of attention, since the fandom is growing in popularity a lot and there’s a scarcity here!” 2019 was an interesting year for fanfic in bnha, since it didn't have enough content for the growing eyes looking for it.

i ended up being very correct. too correct. i actively updated magneto over the course of half a year, roughly, and in that time it rapidly climbed in attention. since 2020 ive only updated it about twice(?) and that hasn’t deterred the new readers it’s gotten. i get comments every other day asking about updates.

magneto is currently the most kudo-ed bnha si-oc on the entirety of ao3. which is fucking insane. i don’t think it deserves it, but popularity is rarely about deserving. usually it’s about being just good enough, just novel enough, and being posted at the right time.

but i digress: it doesn’t feel possible for me to update magneto for a variety of reasons.

1) my disinterest in the setting would make any future update disingenuous.

i haven’t been actively into the bnha fandom in about four years now. i don’t really read bnha fic aside from the very occasional si-oc, nor have i kept up with the manga or anime. the only fic i’ve ever written for the fandom is magneto, and it’ll probably always be my only fic for the fandom. (watch me say that and be wrong in the next few years LMAO)

it would be really rude of me to stomp into a space i don’t even like anymore and post something lackluster and lacking in passion. especially with the express intention of gaining more engagement from readers. like it or not, magneto IS the most popular si for bnha, and i think i drive attention away from better books by updating and inadvertently preserving that position in the ranking.

I can't believe no one has written any "self-insert as Bakugou" fanfics yet what a bunch of cowards by the_incidental_author and i have jostled back and forth for that #1 kudo-ed spot for the past five years. which i admit has been fun, but i would very much like for them to overtake me. it’s clear (to me, at least) that they actually enjoy writing bnha more than me and update more often to boot.

i fully welcome ANY fic to take magneto's position at this point, if only so that less people comment how poorly written it is. which leads me into my next point.

2) my writing style has SIGNIFICANTLY changed over the past five years.

when i do my yearly reread of magneto i actively cringe and have to resist the urge to rewrite every chapter in a separate google doc. in any hypothetical world where i do add to magneto, i do a complete rewrite. in no particular order, the things i would change are:

kenzo being defined by three character traits and nothing else. her exhaustion, her mild spite for her father, and her aimless wandering through the plot

better grammar. dear god the grammar errors. dear god the SPELLING ERRORS

the pov characters being more developed and feeling more like Individual People with their own personal motivations and histories that are not defined by what the plot needs from them (cough, reacting to how cool kenzo is)

not just recapping each anime episode and stating what kenzo would do in that situation

placing greater focus on the way quirk society discriminates against those with undesirable quirks and backgrounds. what does it really mean to be the child of a criminal in a world where people assume that sort of thing is hereditary?

kenzo's classmates should've been more classist in general, especially in relation to quirk discrimination. UA is a school only the most wealthy and powerful get into, there's no way there wouldn't be social disconnects that create tension between a dead eyed daughter of a villain and more than a few nepo babies.

if you have any interest in naruto, skyrim, asoiaf or dragon age you've probably read my more recent fics. fluffy clouds and a tinge of wonder, the fic i have updated the most this year, is a really good example of how significantly my writing has evolved since starting magneto in 2019. my technical skill and style have changed enough that it just would be tonally jarring for me to update magneto without outright rewriting everything.

like. im being so fr with you right now, i didn't learn how to start outlining until about a YEAR AGO. magneto was written on a chapter by chapter basis with little idea of where exactly it was going. i implied that there would be a future confrontation between kenzo and her father, but i didn't have any idea of HOW that would occur or even what the consequences of it would be.

adding to magneto as it is would be like trying to add a sleeve to a shirt that's missing it's entire back panel and most of it's front. i'd be playing catch up with the plot and end up having to rewrite previous chapters anyways.

3) bnha commentors have been kind of really mean to me compared to other fandoms i've written for LMAO

ok. please don't draw and quarter me for this. MOST commentors have been extremely complimentary, and kind. besides the occasional bomb of like seven comments in my inbox of ten hearts from one user (which, sweet, but please don't do that) the bnha fandom has been totally fine.

but a very small minority have been really pushy about making me update a fic i have clearly not touched in two years, and realistically haven't actively updated in four. from comments just saying "wow this is great. update soon." to DETAILED reviews of how bad my fic is and how they can't believe how garbage like magneto is so popular.

which like. i don't feel personally attacked by? i fully agree that magneto is bad for the previously stated reasons. i wouldn't read magneto if i were a casual reader and hadn't written it. usually the second kind of comment really annoys me because of it's presumption of importance and for how soul crushing it would have been for sixteen-year-old me to read.

bnha as a fandom, especially in recent years, has felt more and more like they treat fic like something that is created in a vacuum. souless content that exists for readers to consume. the comments don't go to an inbox, they go to a void, so really it doesn't matter if i say something really belligerent to an author i don't know about a Self Insert Fanfic They Wrote In Between Rehearsals For Their High School Play.

but whatever. if it had just been me experiencing that i would've written it off as like just my fic, but a close friend and frequent cowriter of mine Reavv has dealt with this a lot more than me.

they wrote It's a like a time travel comedy, without the comedy, another very popular bnha fic, and had to private it because people were going to their other UNRELATED fics and badgering them to update it. people still go into their comments insisting they unprivate it, oblivious to the fact that every time they ask it adds another year to reavv's internal timer for when they will.

a combination of my own experiences and reavv's have completely put me off of writing bnha i'll be fr. even if i was still in the fandom, the majority of my fics will always be about fucking dragon age and skyrim. i do not want random bnha fans coming into my dragon age fics and, AFTER NOT READING THE FIC, saying that since im active i should clearly update my bnha fics. that's a nightmare scenario for me.

in conclusion

i am so glad that people like magneto, i'm glad that i wrote magneto. the initial jump in readers i got from magneto gave me the confidence to write other fics, and the alternating pov format is a staple of most of my writing now. some of the comments i got for that magneto when i was a teenager were the only things that kept my ass going.

but magneto is never being updated. i don't even think it's gonna be rewritten. i really am sorry about that, but it is what it is. thank you for reading it, thank you for loving it, thank you for feeling ambivalent about it. good talk.

btw to the original asker, again. this is NOT a rant directed at you, you just inspired some Thoughts in me and i had to let them loose.

[stardustdiiving]

How evil is arlecchino and what is she cooking

As of 4.2, I’m really curious what they’re planning with Arlecchino as a character, especially as a villain/antagonist/morally dubious character, and how far/which direction they may go with that

Intuitively my impression is we’ll see her do something way more “villainous” than she presents herself as being for majority of Fontaine’s AQ in front of us right—(which isn’t a surprise given that, you know, Arlecchino nor the House of Hearth have never been presented as 110% ethical LOL) but I find myself not being in complete agreement with most analysis or speculation threads I see about Arlecchino’s morality and the like, level of sinister people seem to ascribe to her.

Idk how to put it, especially in regards to her children I do agree they are not a wholesome found family, that Arlecchino is not above pulling strings or using them for her own ulterior motives, but I kind of hesitate on the idea she only cares about the Hearth children as a means to the end/things she can control and there’s nothing else going on with her characterization wise there. I’m not saying that impression seems remotely unreasonable or unfounded, but just that it feels there’s something intentionally missing in how we are supposed to conceptualize her as a person

My main reasoning for this hunch is the fact they have not elaborated on Arlecchino and the previous Knave—who Arlecchino is stated to have taken over the position from by force. The extra tidbits I think about are that 1) Arlecchino was previously an orphan in the Hearth 2) the previous Knave is described as way, way crueler to the children of than Heart than Arlecchino was from when she took control of the House

Often, people’s major indicators that the House of the Hearth is kind of super fucked up are the NPCs we meet in world quests who are part of it and clearly suffering. But one thing I haven’t ever seen people mention w this that i think is a very interesting detail is, in The Very Special Fortune Slip Inazuma worldquest, where we stop this House of Hearth guy (Efim Snezhevich) from manufacturing tension between Watasumi/the Shogunate to restart the war with his other Hearth subordinates, at the end of the quest we get this dialogue that reveals he had been acting under the previous Knave’s directives:

It’s also mentioned he’s employing this plan in an attempt to “rebuild the prestige of the Knave” following Signora’s death, iirc? Now, see, the dialogue itself says that this is “assuming our captive is telling the truth” so who knows what’s really going on, but I find this a really odd/interesting thing to highlight. I’m a bit fuzzy on other world quests with Hearth members, and am not saying none of them were acting and subsequently being treated poorly by our Arlecchino, but like, this gives me a lot of questions especially when paired with implications this previous Knave seemed to be way worse

Like, what drove Arlecchino to take over? How unexpected and controversial was this within the House? Assuming the above information is all true it definitely says something this guy went rogue and acted on what the previous Knave would want and didn’t think our Arlecchino would greenlight it, which does feel consistent with the previous Knave being described as basically worse & crueler than our Arlecchino. It also makes me question how much house of hearth things we’ve seen outside the main story are the work of our Arlecchino or if there’s a bigger divide of loyalty. Heck, I could be wrong but it doesn’t even seem like we know if the previous Knave is dead or not

This isn’t me saying Arlecchino couldn’t possibly be treating hearth children worse than she wants us to know, especially ones who aren’t her “favorites” the way the fontaine trio seem to be, but I really don’t feel sure about making a solid conclusion of her exact level of malice the way ppl r generally understanding it rn when it feels there’s going to be more about her. Just the idea of she, as a Hearth child, clashed with the previous leader who was known for being cruel, overtook their position and took on less harsh methods of leading that made at least some members with more power/possible closer proximity to the previous Knave go rogue and try to commit atrocities in the previous Knave’s name…I feel this leaves a lot of room to suggest there’s more going on with how Arlecchino is as a person

I don’t mind if she’s just very evil and deceptive bc if she totally had me fall for thinking she was less evil than she actually was that’s fun tbh. But I feel people suggest that’s all her character could be with no degree of like, “sympatheticness” or deep grey morality and that if her character did go there it would be automatically poor writing and genshin walking back on making a truly evil woman when IDK. I feel you can claim at this point they have left it open ended and it’s never been completely confirmed she’s pure evil. Also sometimes I just get a hunch and feel cautiously confident in Genshin executing certain characters well. Not all characters, just certain ones. Especially given Fontaine’s character writing being very good and a character like Lyney feeling very solid to me when any development with Arlecchino would likely involve him and his siblings as well, I honestly feel open to the idea of Arlecchino being satisfyingly written to be both villainous/morally dubious but “sympathetic/likable as a person” in ways outside of just her ruthlessness if that makes sense

If I’m wrong/they drop the ball with it more than I anticipate I’ll eat my hat but I am pretty excited about her character and which way they decide to go with it. I will say the only potential impression I have of where they’ll go with her has been wondering if it will go in a “cycles of abuse” direction—I’d be surprised if they ever elaborated on Arlecchino’s character especially in how she feels about things and her also growing up as an exploited child of the hearth wasn’t relevant

[cowchickenbeefpork]

look I’m not going to argue that Edward truly loved Kristen for who she was genuinely ( he didn’t ) but seeing him as someone who got over her death and it barely affected him is kinda a reading I can’t agree with at all

I know what scene started this reading it was the whole “actually I do enjoy hurting people this is my true self and I greatly thank Kristen for making me reach my potential” but that realization came from when he cut her up, no? When you go back to THAT SCENE he describes how the light vanishing from her eyes was beautiful. This means two things, one, he had to first known he was hurting her, and two he was enjoying that fact

WHEN YOU GO BACK TO THE SCENE WHERE HE KILLED HER THERES NO TRACE OF THIS IN THE ACTING THERE!!!!! He’s not even angry he’s more so desperate to explain himself, he even smiles as he tells her he loves her and would NEVER HURT HER! And when he realized he killed her he sobbed himself to the point of blacking out. Even if you brush off the fact riddler is very poorly written and just make it be ed the fact he blacked out and went out fucking around with her corpse while not remembering any of it and only hours later regained consciousness and now having to search around the gcpd to find her. Genuinely why should I believe a man, who consistently convinces himself he’s actually super smart and has no emotions is telling ME the truth here about his own feelings when I as the viewer have just witnessed things that contradict this!!!!

Also the show contradicts that whole motive like two episodes later!!!!!!!!!! When Oswald tried to kill Ed for saying his mother made him weak Edward discusses Kristen’s death and says love wasn’t meant for men like them and that it will always weaken them. Notice how different of a explaination that is to the one in the woods? The one in the woods basically says it was his true self leaking out and he actually had some awareness of what he was doing and he enjoyed every second of it and he feels no remorse. The one during this scene says that it was unavoidable, an accident, but actually him brushing over his feelings and forcing himself to not think about it or ever attempt to love again is the correct awnser. Doesn’t the second answer flow better with the actual death? It aligns exactly with both his narcissism making him unable to admit he was in the wrong and also unable to let him grieve since it would go against the idea he has of himself in his head and aligns with the fact it was a ACCIDENT WHERE HE DIDNT EVEN INTEND TO HURT HER AT ALL!!!

I can’t blame people for taking the whole actually I enjoyed it reasoning as the true one since Gotham is very very badly written but the reasoning he gave to Oswald works better for his character and for the event itself! The whole point of that death was you can hurt people without even trying to and not be able to see that ur acting like the people who have hurt them before it’s too late and that’s!!!! Powerful but Gotham just had to make Edward secretly evil and sadicist this whole time which takes away from that message. The first time he finally realizes Kristen was a person who existed outside of what he thought of and was capable of thinking and acting outside of his image of her was when she died, and he pushed her back into a fucking box, a fucking role she played to further him in his life because the mere horror of his actions were too hard to bare, he had to convince himself this would always happen and it was either of their flaunts to keep his ego intact.

not to mention how the whole denying he needs love in his life kinda relates heavily back to his npd too. Since he couldn’t get what he wants he feels terrible and then convinces himself that actually WHAT HE WANTED was the inadequate thing instead of him, so he doesn’t have to mourn the fact that he couldn’t have it. It’s projection in a way, he projects his inner wants and desires that he hates to others so he can mock them and feel better. He is telling himself he doesn’t need connection to others, that he can provide for himself and will never need or depend on anyone ever in his life again which is contradicted again and again in the show. He can’t stop needing people to like him, affirm him or to depend on them. That is the ultimate paradox with npd, narcissism in itself locks someone into a state of both being completely independent and not needing or caring for others while completely needing and depending on their praise so you can keep your self esteem intact

i think why I’m kinda quite against this reading of Edward as someone who intensely enjoys hurting others in his nature and is completely logical and almost unemotional in his action is because it kinda just falls into his lie he folds himself and others, it’s believing in the narcissist fantasy he has convinced himself and others around him to be true, he will never be that, no matter how hard he tries he will never be smart enough and unemotional enough for himself, he will chase proving that fantasy until he dies if he keeps doing this, taking anyone who comes in his way down with him

you can read Gotham Ed however you want idc I’m not ur mom and I’m not mad I just really wanted to explain myself since last time I tried to it was horrid and nonsensical I should’ve been executed on the spot. You can read Edward however you like I’m not thought police I just really needed to say my peace here

[porcelainvino]

Okay, vino, I need to know more about why you despise Darren criss

surface level: i just think he’s really cringe 😭 one could argue that that’s not a real reason to hate, but i think it’s kinda funny LMAO maybe it’s because he’s a theater kid millennial? (no offense to the theater kid millennials)

here’s a brief, there’s definitely more i just can’t think of anything else right now, collection of his cringe moments IN MY OPINION:

> naming his kid “brother”

> using music metaphors to describe him impregnating his wife/his wife giving birth (fun fact, this was my first ever reason to hate him), “we’ve been making music for years… but this time we made a BEAT” and “💙 out now. 💙”

> doing an ad with shein

> joe biden getting elected tiktok

> frankly ANYTHING he posts on tiktok

> plays a character on hazbin hotel

> using ai art for an ad for his bar, which he deleted the post for after comments were hating on it, but i have the evidence:

some random stupid personal things that i dislike him for, like this effects no one but me:

> paranoia that he’s related to me- his mom is from kinda close to where my family lives, and even if i’m not related to him, i’m scared that my family’s friends with his family 😭

> paranoia that he’ll name his kid my irl name- my irl name is a traditional filipino name and i was so nervous that he was gonna name his kid that bUT he named him brother so idk which is worse but also what if he has more kids 💔

> cringing when he sings- this was really weird but i had an era where i genuinely couldn’t listen to darren sing without physically cringing like i could listen to BLAINE sing but not DARREN??????? i think i’m over it now though. maybe…….

> some mildly distasteful things he said about fanart- this kinda made me sad to hear and (tmi) i highkey had a panic attack about it because i was paranoid that chris colfer hates me because i gave him fanart, i’m fine now my friends calmed me down after. i do understand where darren is coming from though!!!!!!!! it’s just worded VERY poorly in my opinion

‼️ things that *genuinely* piss me off under the cut!! IF YOU ARE A FAN, PLEASE IGNORE!!! I GENUINELY HAVE NO HATE TOWARDS THE FANS!!! THIS IS MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, AND I BELIEVE I AM ENTITLED TO IT!!!‼️

i feel like he makes queerness about himself

(i was gonna make a list, but turns out all of my points fall under this idea so)

maybe he’s just a super passionate ally or something but like he consistently mentions that he’s straight like.. all the time………. and sure maybe it’s because people think he’s gay or something and he wants to clarify his point, but there are PLENTY of actors who are straight who played a gay character who don’t CONSTANTLY mention their sexuality!! idk why darren always feels as though he needs to talk about how straight he is. the way he talks about it makes it sound like all his “appreciation” for the queer community is insincere

the way he mentions queer spaces is just like.. off to me :( despite being cishet, he tends to insert himself into the conversation about being queer. he doesn’t bring anything important or necessary to the community, besides allyship i suppose, so like.. why is he here….. i just feel like the lgbtq community does not NEED darren with his weird performative activism if that makes any sense

here are some examples of this!:

> a. maybe you’ve seen it but recently he called himself “culturally queer”????? i’ve read the full interview, and i get he was essentially saying “i grew up around a lot of queer people and that effected how i see the world” but like.. “culturally queer”?!? girl…… why would you word it like that………..

> b.

this thing he said is like…. a little insane imo 😃 “none of the responsibilities”????? seriously dude?????????? like queer people have to deal with homophobic and transphobic bullshit every day and he gets to go out and say shit like this

> c.

this kinda shows the point i was making about how he just talks about the queer community weird especially when playing queer characters. like saying that playing a queer character as someone who isn’t queer “glorifies the power and struggle in that”???? like you have the privilege to vaguely understand queer experiences without having to actually have the queer experience i guess?? the wording is off to me :/ ALSO, this is an example of him calling himself “white” despite being half filipino. i know he’s white passing but he tends to bring up his filipino-ness when he want’s to pull the minority card. like he erases his ethnicity then brings it up whenever it’s convenient. i might just be picky with this one, but as a filipino, that’s how i view it

i hope.. any of this was coherent 😭 i’m not good at explaining the thoughts in my brain this just feels like a jumbled mess so i’m sorry if doesn’t make any sense 💔💔💔

in conclusion, i don’t like darren criss. i appreciate that he plays one of my favorite glee characters (maybe, LIKE I DON’T EVEN DRAW BLAINE LIKE DARREN,, NOT REALLY….). to be honest, i don’t think i TRULY hate him really?? which probably sounds stupid after this entire post, but seriously! if i was TRULY a hater, i think i’d block him on all social media, not interact with his fans, ignore any news about him, etc,, but i don’t! i think he’s interesting and deserving of his success, i just find a lot of the things he has done to be weird. i’ve seen a lot of haters be way more nit-picky about things he’s said and done, some criticisms i’ve seen come from strange/distrustful sources, and i’ve seen a lot of darren hate tied to hate on blaine, hate on his wife/family, and hate on other actors like chris colfer, which i believe is uncalled for. if anyone wants to see a couple more points about his attitude towards the queer community, feel free to dm me, but i won’t share those publicly because they’re kinda off and i have mixed feelings about them. so while i may agree with some points from random glee accounts from 2016 or something to an extent, what i’ve listed here is what i SINCERELY believe he’s in the wrong for. all in all, out of all the glee-cast-who-aren’t-actual-criminals, he’s definitely the one i dislike the most.

[emmersreads]

My Top 5 Worst Books of 2023

I read 119 books in 2023. Some of the were great, most of them were fine, but some of them were real stinkers. Here are my top five worst books of the year.

This year I didn't read any books that I expected to be bad. Each of these is a book with an interesting premise or perspective but that bungles the execution so badly that I hated the time I spent on it.

You can also read the whole thing on my blog!

Honourable Mention:

To Shape a Dragon’s Breath - Moniquill Blackgoose

You can feel extremely strongly about the themes in your book and still churn out absolute pure dogshit. This entry foreshadows a consistent theme to this year’s worst list but only places as an honourable mention because it’s the only book this year that I dnf’ed. To Shape a Dragon’s Breath takes the intriguing premise in the 18th century colonization of east coast North America but also everyone has dragons and then mangles it with the colonizers being a weird combination of the English and the Vikings. The novel interrogates the idea of ‘civilizing’ the indigenous people but without the underlying motivations of Christian and European supremacy and manifest destiny the messaging is confusing and weak. In addition to a coherent message, To Shape a Dragon’s Breath also lacks multidimensional characters and any plot at all. I dnf’ed at 85% completion when I realized that the book wasn’t going to generate a plot at that late hour.

Fifth Place:

Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma - Claire Dederer

I began Monsters with high hopes. There is a lot of meat on the bone of how to love art by the truly reprehensible. Unfortunately it falls victim to a problem shared by all memoirs: in order to be good, the subject has to be interesting. Claire Dederer’s genuinely pretty good discussion of Woody Allen and Roman Polanski devolves into condescending platitudes about why teens like J.K. Rowling, genuinely reprehensible comments about whether getting an abortion makes a woman a monster, and finally into outsourcing her final conclusion to Pearl Cleage’s Mad at Miles. You might as well just read that one instead. Some of Dederer’s commentary is bad because it is poorly researched (Nabokov, J.K. Rowling), but what really bothered me about this book was the nauseating suggesting that women’s monstrousness is exclusively their behaviour as parents, as if being a parent is the primary imperative, at least for women. But else could be described as ‘bad motherhood’? Suicide? Yes! Having an abortion? Absolutely! Not devoting full attention and effort to your children at every moment of your life? Why, you’re just like Woody Allen. The inclusion of some arguments are heinous and the exclusion of others undermines the value of the discussions that do scan. Where’s Kanye West? Surely there’s more to his career than a few lyrics about how his fans don’t know the read him… surely… Sure, committing suicide is super duper monstrous because you’re basically abandoning your kids (heavy sarcasm implied), but what of women like Nicki Minaj? At least for me, a big lesson of the recognition of Problematic Artists is that we don’t actually need to hear from everyone in the name of fairness. Dederer should learn that too.

Fourth Place:

The Idiot - Elif Bartuman

Spicy Hot Take Alert: The Idiot by Elif Bartuman sucks and I am judging you for liking it. I want to be clear about this: I did put this book on the worst list rather than the blandest specifically because it’s so popular. This book is all the more unbearably pretentious because it has nothing to say. It’s fatally boring and exhaustingly incurious. I’ve seen it described on bookstagram as about ‘the formation of the self’ and I suppose corporate middle managers need a formation of the self too. That doesn’t make it book-worthy. Also what the hell are ya’ll talking about this book being relatable?? When I was eighteen I knew fucking everything. Sorry, but I’m different.

Third Place:

The Cheerleaders - Kara Thomas

The Cheerleaders was the first book I finished in 2023 but the memory is not distant enough. For me this was a failure because it seems to hate its own genre. What is the point of a girl detective mystery where it turns out there was no interesting conspiracy behind the deaths and the protagonist doesn’t even pursue the case exhaustively enough to find this out. Sure, maybe its more realistic to suggest that a girl grieving the too-early death of her older sister might be making things up, but I’m not in this genre for the realism. The Cheerleaders doesn’t feel like it has anything interesting to say about subverting the conspiracy-murder, just that it wanted to have a subversion and then couldn’t figure out how to execute that, resorting instead to a deus ex omniscient narrator. It’s like if instead of Sherlock Holmes solving the case through deduction, Arthur Conan Doyle emerged from behind the curtain and told you to go fuck yourself. Read the full review on my website!

Second Place:

Disorientation - Elaine Hsieh Chou

Yellowface by R.F. Kuang was the darling of 2023 but it is not the first novel about a yellowface-ing author who fools the white literary establishment by selling them exactly the kind of bland and easily digestible Asian stories they are comfortable hearing. But it’s a good thing Yellowface did come out because Disorientation needed more time in the fucking oven. Like Yellowface this book attempts a comedic tone, but it chooses pure cringe comedy goofiness over irony and as a consequence rather than being a humourous reflection of Shit White People Do it’s more Making Up A Guy to Get Mad At. It’s greatest asset is an attempt at a discussion of the intriguing topic of sexual politics. Since white men demonstrably do fetsishize Asian women, is it possible to have an individual relationship that is not based on fetishization? Unfortunately, Disorientation doesn’t actually have anything to say about it and so just wibbles along to a nothing of an ending. It’s a scream of rage to be sure, but not all screams of rage are coherent. This is the second entry on this list that undermines its message because it couldn’t bear to kill a few of its darlings, but not the last!

Worst Book of 2023:

The Bone Witch - Rin Chupeco

We live in an era where ‘wish-fulfillment’ and ‘self-indulgent’ are no longer automatic condemnations, which is all well and good for the people writing them but what of me, the discerning reader? One detects great love and passion in this book but unfortunately that’s no replacement for writing ability. The Bone Witch is haunted above all by the knowledge that the author must have a truly colossal lore bible for this thing. It feels like every chapter the book treats itself of an extended tangent about the political system of one of its half-dozen fantasy nations, none of which are actually important to this book, and damningly, none of which are even well explained. As you might imagine, this leaves precious little time for boring things like plot or characters. The plot is little more than disconnected scenes that the author clearly thought would be cool but didn’t think about how they would link together, meaning that the last quarter acceleration to the climax is occupied by a sitcom b-plot ass arc about helping a friend get into the very special dance recital. The characters are even worse with none of them rising beyond an outlining epithet: angsty protagonist, broody love interest, gay best friend. The attempt at a dark and moody tone is childish and goofy. I found the Geisha theming to be overdone and appropriative, and the use of gay characters to be offensive. The only time the book threatens to have promise is with its beginning, where the protagonist accidentally raises her brother from the dead; however, The Bone Witch is quick to inform us that this changed nothing about him or about their relationship, wouldn’t we rather think about how stylish kimonos are?

[dutifullyshamelessearthquake]

…I am worried there aren’t enough words to express how much I LOVE 🩷THIS🩷FIC🩷 OH MY WORD I- I!!!!!!- it’s pure and complete melt. Oh my heart Cyno just when you think he can’t get any cuter I just - Miserable Day, Warm hugs is my new Roman Empire for the next lord knows how long (probably until another amazing earth shattering fic comes out 😭😭) the level of fluff and softness and the cooing?? Nari softly cooing?????????? HELLOO??? I’m gonna die. Okay. Breathing.

everything about this fic was so abundant in sickfic and comfort it’s insane. Cynos disposition this time around was so delightfully new!!! I mean he clearly felt terrible. Just, wretched, him describing feeling like he’s on a *boat* AFTER having already thrown up?? That’s some serious sick tummy stuff right there, and it just seemed like it was. Not. Budging. I ADORE how unusually emotional Cyno was 🥺🥺🥺🥺and I won’t say what but the reveal as to why was just absolutely the most precious thing 😭

all the little details, the super snuggly Cyno, the rainy day, his weepy eyes, and the slowly worsening nausea. Tighnaris smart and gentle attempts to help and his just overflowing caregiver energy??? The green robe 😭😭😭THE LITTLE FOX PLUSHY???!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH also also also Cyno finally breaking (and finally puking even tho it didn’t seem to help him at all poor thing) was just chefs kiss x1000 I LOVE.

uhg just so indulgent and cozy I can’t- I am re reading this until I can no longer look at my screen damn it. 😤 and you best believe I gotta draw stuff from this. I mean PLEASE Cyno- it’s one thing to be sick but to be that sick with out rest and also just so sad 😭.

hold him. Hold him forever 🥺

You have no idea how happy this ask made me, I've already read and reread it about three times since I woke up this morning 🥺🩷

This fic just over all felt like it wasn't my best work, so hearing that you loved it so much just makes me unreasonably happy!! I'm so happy to know that, even if it wasn't what I had pictured in my head, it was still enjoyable and somebody still really liked it! Thank you so much!!

I really went hard on poor Cyno here 🥺 I wanted to just capture him feeling really really bad, like he's just feeling way too poorly to have any of his walls up. His stomach was just really sick and not planning on feeling better anytime soon. (Not gonna lie my brain ran away with this, I was thinking "He's really sick, what if he's really really sick, what he keeps going downhill and this leads to an ER visit...." I'm not sure if I'll actually write that as a follow up because part of me just wants to keep this soft and cozy, but part of me is definitely tempted to dig deep into the angst.)

It wasn't even originally my intention to have Cyno be sad outside of feeling sick and miserable, but he just. He decided he was going to be sad. So I took it and ran with it and made it a plot point! He was just really feeling like the world was against him by the end of it, somebody hug him 🥺

Don't get me started on how much fun I had just making this COZY! I was having so much fun with that. I just, I'm in love with the mental image of sickly Cyno curled up in this dressing gown that's one, just way too big on him (because an oversized robe is a comfy one, Nari probably deliberately bought a slightly big one) and two, obnoxiously bright green and with a flower pattern, like it's so visibly Tighnari's and not Cyno's but that makes it all the more precious. And of course the fox plushy makes a return!! It's an official character now

Ahh I'm just so happy you enjoyed it so much!! Omg art would absolutely make me squeal, but of course no pressure, we don't push ourselves here!

Thank you so so much again!! 🩷

[reaperkaneki]

ok here are my Thoughts on gin noto

under cut bc it got long lol

first off, he is very strong representation. as in, i think this might be the platonic ideal of a transmasc character. which has its good points and bad.

sweet-p’s arc was rooted in some obviously transphobic jokes/points/etc but at its core, her arc felt well-intentioned and overall she was definitely portrayed as one of the most sympathetic of the musicians (who are antagonists but certainly not outright villains, which the musician route makes abundantly clear). she also is not, like, described as trans per se, mostly as a crossdresser who loves cute things and wishes she were a cute girl (so like, she’s trans) and honestly her arc is about self-image and body dysmorphia in general (weight and age and outside perception are all major factors). and that’s what sets her apart from gin, gin is very much about Gender Dysphoria And Conforming To Societal Gender Roles first and foremost.

unlike sweet-p’s writing, gin’s doesn’t have any overt flaws to point to, which is why i had to mull it over for a while to figure out what was missing, and i think it’s because it is very much aimed at a cis audience. the narrative itself is perfectly fine, it’s the meta-narrative that bothers me.

when gin confesses that irl, he was assigned female at birth and presents as female in his day-to-day life, and asks the player, does this change anything, there is a right answer and a wrong answer. the wrong answer is to tell him that you don’t care what gender he is, it doesn’t change anything at all; gin perceives this as a half-assed, dismissive response said without thinking and becomes upset and it locks you out of the rest of his character episodes. the correct answer is to tell him that you don’t know, you’re not sure. maybe it does change things between the two of you. gin feels that this is a understandable position to take, like, of course it might be a big deal, it certainly feels like a big deal to him!

and yes, to someone who hasn’t encountered a trans person before, that’s probably a reasonable response. to me, specifically, a fellow transmasc person, i think i sorta laughed at this part because, like, the only thing that would change if a coworker or friend or whatever told me that they were actually stealth trans this whole time (and that’s being generous bc gin is Not Slick lmfao the foreshadowing for him being trans is super obvious to anyone who knows) i’d be like cool! love that for you. etc etc. bc transgenderism is Normal to me.

but the game assumes You Are A Cis Person Who Isn’t Sure How To React To Trans People. the game doesn’t let you be trans. there’s not a nonbinary option, despite having a cyborg for an antagonist and, more egregiously, a canonically nonbinary character in your party. (i’d say pronouns, but that’s not quite the same in japanese.) not that i was expecting that to be possible, but it is a clear separation of gameplay and story that hinders roleplay (in an rpg where your character’s backstory is almost completely undefined)!

this is not to say that gin is poorly written. like i said, he’s like the platonic ideal of representation. he’s easy to clock specifically because his experiences ring true; he’s always, always, always overcompensating and posturing “as a man”, he’s trying to conform to his own personal image of “what men do”, “how guy friendships work”, “what guys are interested in”. when asked why he gets along with women so well, he lies and says it’s because he has an, uh, older sister! so he’s spent a lot of time around women! he dresses trendy, but not too fashionably (because that’s feminine, he’s function over form allegedly), and the cut of his clothes is soooo. well. the silhouette is masculinizing, or at least androgynous, let’s say. he even wishes he were taller.

i’m pretty sure i’ve done most of those things. this is writing that either speaks from experience or understands the prompt and has done the goddamn research.

it is, however, very, VERY cool that he actually turns out to Not Be A Man, at least in the sense he’s always wanted to be. REALLY good nonbinary arc that i wish wasn’t constrained to, like, the last two character episodes. it’s the one interesting ‘twist’, and i love that it explains a lot of things about him! when he talks about working as a woman irl and busting his ass in heels, he sounds proud, even as he admits that presenting female always made him uncomfortable. and lo and behold, his catharsis effect sports a pair of gold heels! if he was just a hypermasculine trans man, that would be super uncomfortable, as if it were some sort of transphobic indicator of his ‘true self’ being feminine. but no, it’s because he’s hiding that aspect of himself. he repressed his masculine tendencies to conform to social norms, and then inadvertently did the same to his feminine side, but both are important. he likes the heels.

i also like that he’s bi and acknowledges that his relationships never worked out bc he hadn’t figured out his shit yet. it do be like that sometimes.

unfortunately, i think he’s also kind of boring? like, besides her wanting to be a cute girl, sweet-p had other stuff going on, she had that boke/tsukkomi routine with stork, she had a genuine love for yume-kawaii (whereas while gin has many interests, a not-insignificant part of those interests is male posturing), she was even a musician! i understand that gin’s blandness is On Purpose because he dislikes rocking the boat (but he hates posers, which was a genuinely interesting reaction from him that didn’t feature as strongly in his arc as i wanted. even kiriko comments on it), but doesn’t change the fact that he ain’t weird enough! can’t even be an only sane man bc he goes along with everyone’s bs lol

anyway gin is cool and well-written as a trans character but missing a bit otherwise. i’d still definitely love to hang out and get beef bowls and boba with him :)

[the-november-system]

Hello, I’m M, and hello to our blog.

This is for our system. We have recently been diagnosed with DID. we have very little understanding of official terms and things because of this. We’re still learning about what being a system is. Please don’t treat us poorly for this reason.

I (M speaking) , am the host.

This blog is just a place for me and everyone else to hang out and feel like we can share social media together and stuff without secrets. This is a part of myself nobody else knows about and we all intend to keep it that way. This is anonymous for that reason.

Below are bio’s for all of us. Everyone at this time wanted to be included. They wrote their own descriptions (minus click who doesn’t like to really talk, I wrote it for them.)

M: Main host, does a majority of the fronting. I am usually gonna be the one responding and doing things.

Pronouns: They/Them

Likes: Tea, drawing, Crochet, transformers

Dislikes: Flying bugs, overstimulation, confrontation

Niki: Hello, I am Niki :-) I'm the oldest individual within the system. I don't really front by myself, but I will do so from time to time. M tells me that I appear as a Guardian Angel to others, but I see myself more as just an assistant than something so grand. M seemed excited to have us all write down this Bio, so i was happy to do so. Thank you for reading.

Pronouns: He/Him

Likes: vintage aesthetics, naps, asmr, meditation

Dislikes: Maybe long work days? The others seem stressed by those which of course worries me.

Winslow: Hello everyone! The name’s Winslow, I'm not quite sure what to put here, so i guess i’ll just describe my interests? I'm super into dad rock, and love to have jam sessions while I clean and stuff. I'm also a sucker for Cozy games. The others find it funny that a tough guy like me enjoys some animal crossing, but hey, this guy knows what he likes! I'm also a lover of customization, pins, patches, piercings, ect. If I can make myself stand out I would like to do it! I aint livin my life as the color beige.

Pronouns: He/Him

Likes: Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, patches and pins and stickers

Dislikes: idiots on the road, hypocrites

Note: Winslow is proudly trans, FTM.

Click: Click is almost entirely non-talking. For the longest time, Click was very protective of their form, not showing themselves to anybody, but recently they drew themselves as a cloaked clown. Click communicates through noises, flapping, and only when necessary, speaking. They are able to, but it causes great discomfort. Click is able to clean and do tasks, but generally only enjoys fronting when alone. They’re very shy. Click commonly fronts when I need a break, and is great at self -care and soothing everyone else, however, they do struggle to soothe themself.

Pronouns: They/Them, or just refer to them by their name

Likes: colorful object, stim toys, liminal spaces, exploration, ambient music

Dislikes: speaking, loud sounds

Note: Click does want to be included in this, there is always a possibility they will want to be removed, but as of right now they were excited and enthusiastic on being included.

Melody: hi!!! I’m melody✨💕 I am a lover of all things pink, i'm a bit of a y2k girlie but i also like other stuff as well, i'm also super into Crochet like M, and i've been making such cute stuff and it's making me so dang happy! Ooh and i also like Godzilla, a weird one but I’m not gonna let someone stop me 💁‍♀️

Pronouns: She/Her

Likes: Godzilla, Pink, Space, Crochet

Dislikes: Looking like a man

Flora: Hello, I'm flora 🌼 im kind of new to the system, but am happy to be here. I am a lover of nature, and am a spiritual person, believing in nature and its many gifts. I'm an eclectic witch (Me and M share this trait.), though we’re both new to this path. I will admit i'm a bit shy, but would love to try and be a bit more adventurous so feel free to say hello :)

Pronouns: She/ They

Likes: Flowers, green, the beach, candles

Dislikes: Catholicism/ Christianity (it's not necessarily a trigger but i don't like to talk about this, thank you :) ), Soda

Timothy: Sup I'm Tim. I don't get to be on here a lot because I'm not as “pretty” on paper as the others, so I'm honestly kinda surprised I was allowed to write this but whatever. I'm into horror movies and Metal music. I like hoodies too, my favorite color’s are blue and red. I also enjoy taking walks, I can be a bit of a hothead so it's nice to take a walk and get some fresh air.

Yeah I'm not that interested, but thanks for reading.

Pronouns: He/Him

Likes: Horror movies, Metal music, poetry, walks

Dislikes: Assholes

Thank you for reading everything!

[wellhalesbells]

15 Questions, 15 (or whatever) Tags

I was tagged by @kikiroo​ - thank you!!  *heart hug!*

1. Were you named after anybody?

Nope.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Um, I cannot stress enough that I cry at the drop of a hat in fictional situations (pretty much never in real life) so it was either Ted Lasso or reading The Celebrants by Steven Rowley, or it could’ve been The Emperor’s Bone Palace by Hailey Turner - I just finished that.  I can’t remember if I did or not, but I was so stressed out, I probably did, things went poorly for a bit there and I was a wreck.

3. Do you have kids?

I do not and have no plans to.  I’ve never wavered on that, I’ve always been very ‘who knows, could change,’ about it but so far: nah.  And I feel like if I had ever wavered, my sister having two pandemic babies and me being her entire village (I am the only relative who lives in the same state.  And the people who are best at babies do not live in the same country.) has nudged me more firmly towards: that’s really not for you, broh.  I love them to death but I am so glad I get breaks where I just get to be a selfish monster for seventy-two hours straight.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Neever.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I played soccer for maybe a few weeks in middle school and then I was like: this is just running, and running is so much worse than sitting, was everyone aware of that?  I’ll be on the bench if you need me. *throws up a peace sign*  Though I did just tell my sister that I would absolutely fucking kill at basketball against K-1st graders and I stand by that.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

Sense of humor.  Honestly, I don’t know if it’s an ace thing or not, but I can’t even describe people beyond: heightish and hairish until you interest me as a person, which is usually because you make me laugh.  It’s kind of embarrassing sometimes because I really do not notice, and sometimes I’ll be asked to describe someone I’ve been in the vicinity of for, like, two months and I’m like: I genuinely cannot tell you a single thing about this person, I’m so sorry.  I just don’t track details.  That’s why I try really hard with names.  I can’t tell you what they look like in any detail (do they wear glasses? Have freckles? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ), but I can tell you their name.  And sometimes that can feel like a superpower tbqh, because you know who people come to find out the new person’s name: moi.

7. Eye color?

Blue.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Oh scary movies, hands down.  They’re my favoritest things.  I regularly have them on as background noise.

9. Any special talents?

If I do have them, they’re a secret even to me.  I like to have that Kathleen Madigan mindset about it: “What if we’re all prodigies, but it’s just at something we’ve never tried yet? ... What if I sat down at a pottery wheel and made a cup and people were like: Holy Christ, lady, that is the most phenomenal cup ever made.”  It could happen!

10. Where were you born?

St. Pete, Florida.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, tending to an imaginary beluga whale that lives in my nephew’s bathtub, creating to do lists over and over again that I have no intention of ever completing, and playing Pokemon Go.  There’s a girl at my work and we were the two nerds who were really into it, we would get together, do the fests and the raids and community days and such.  We have now converted half our workplace into either reactivating their accounts or creating them and there are now at least two more people who are just as - if not more - into it than we are.  (Like, they had to make a Pokemon Go policy because of us spreading it like a virus, lololol.)

12. Do you have any pets?

I have a doggo that I accidentally made obsessed with me and super introverted.  You know how they say owners start to resemble their dogs?  Nope.  I broke her and now we like to stay in, are wary of strangers, and essentially try to occupy the same space at all times - I blame COVID, honestly, we were both way more normal before that.  Or she was, anyway.  The good news is I can let her off leash ‘cause she’s going precisely zero places without me.

13. How tall are you?

5’

14. Favorite subject in school?

English in high school, Evolutionary Psychology in college.

15. Dream job?

I hate to say it but: I do not dream of labor.  Anything I’m passionate about doing, I would immediately tarnish by needing it to now be the source of my livelihood.  It would lose all its joy because I would put immense pressure on it.

Though if I could somehow make bank through sleeping? Yeah, that.

I don’t know who to tag because I feel like I’ve seen everyone do this on my dash so: um, whoever hasn’t done it yet and wants to - consider this me tagging you!

[littleholmes]

first day at the armed detective agency was incredible!

and I will be calling my new job the armed detective agency because that’s the best way to describe it, like it’s literally the agency, my team is small and super caring and nice like them and my boss is literally like fukuzawa, they go out of their way for each other, like…I’m so happy I feel like dazai or atsushi, or even kyouka when she first got there.

my boss (and everyone, really) are kind and thoughtful, my desk had a lovely small plant and I got little gifts and everyone was willing to help, and I just 😭

my last long term job was super toxic and it’s given me trauma that’s taken me the last few years to get over, and apparently I’m still not over it because I’m waiting on the shoe to drop when faced with their kindness and them doing basic things and giving me things I need, like something bad will surely happen or someone will be mean. like it’s an illusion but it’s not and this place is genuinely a positive work environment

that last long term job was for system that was like the port mafia and I was an executive in it—and I’m not exaggerating. I was part of the team of higher ups and one of the higher ups, meetings were toxic, it was stressful and treating people poorly was the norm, some were super nice but many were not, everyone wanted out, I did two people’s jobs in a pt capacity, and the whole situation I was in was manipulative and awful.

But here it’s different. Here it’s so nice and kind and everyone leaves after their hours are done and breaks are encouraged and work life balance is valued and they want me happy and successful and want me to have the tea I want in the morning and the pens I like and the hours and remote days that work best and they want me comfortable from email signature to clothing and tattoos and identity to wellness like I think I found the place I’m supposed to be

[glitterdisposition]

absolute life changing revaluing i had today:

baby steps.

after years of KNOWING i was eating poorly and not getting out enough and focusing too much energy on people who didn’t care about me, and after many many nights where i would stay up until 3am and get drunk and think about everything wrong im doing in my life and creating a 30-step plan on how to fix it (that i never acted upon), i realized.

u don’t need to overhaul your entire life in one sitting. don’t want to go for a run because you only have 15 minutes to spare?

go for a five minute jog and take a nice shower.

can’t cook yourself a nice, healthy, home cooked meal?

order sushi on skipthedishes. or just go eat a veggie platter from the grocery store.

going to the gym is hard and gives me anxiety. and im used to hour long, super intense workouts from dance when i was a teenager. so anything less than that always felt like a failure. but it’s not. doing jumping jacks for a minute or just taking ur dog to the park to play fetch is STILL BETTER than sitting in bed and watching love island. again.

no, you are NEVER going to become a completely different person in one day. and that thought always stopped me from even trying. i wanted to be PERFECT and if i couldn’t do that immediately, why stress myself out? might as well stay in bed and drink wine and eat pizza for every meal. this is why i’ve always hated new year’s resolutions, it’s too much fucking pressure.

so i’ve just been trying to do one thing a day. some days that’s reading a chapter in a book i’ve been putting off, some days it’s doing a full workout, and sometimes it’s just not drinking alcohol before work. and it’s so simple and im SO MAD that people have been telling me to do it for YEARS and i’ve never done it out of spite. “i’m fine, i don’t need to jog” “i’ve been worse, i got through it last time without therapy” “why read at all, if it isn’t a huge intellectual self help book?”.

no, exercise and eating “healthy” (i’ve struggled with eating AT ALL for so long, that eating at all is a success) and sleeping regularly isn’t going to “””cure””” you. and i know when you’re in the depths of depression even trying is impossible. and that’s fine. there’s still days where i eat macaroni and cheese and sleep til noon. i don’t even think the endorphins u get from working out are that important, i think what MATTERS is giving urself a little goal and checking it off. i can’t describe how good it feels to know u did the thing u wanted to do. as time goes on, maybe you’ll feel good enough to add a SECOND thing onto ur to do list. and that is AMAZING. you don’t need to beat urself up over your perceived failures.

for me, the problem was always just getting started. an object in motion and blah blah blah

[randybutternubber]

I’ll probably redraw this. I feel like I didn’t really represent the injury properly because I didn’t really know how. I usually look for references but I wasn’t sure at the time if I should have used shrapnel based injuries or like direct blast injuries as reference, and I was also in public so I didn’t really want people to see me googling that and getting asked questions. Plus I just think I can do better. Another issue is that I think I was really confused on what point in his life this image depicted- first I wanted to do it immediately after- then later- etc, and depending how long ago the injury occurred, it would definitely look different.

I don’t want anything in this post to come off as ableist either which was my biggest worry when writing it, and looking back I don’t think I wrote out my thoughts super well. I had a lot of trouble explaining the part about the kids having parts replaced, and I think it may have come off badly and I’ll probably just scrap/heavily modify it. The idea itself is that they start to basically turn into “machines of war” and I still like it a lot, I just think the way I tried to explain it and it was presented probably played into some ableist tropes, which obviously wasn’t my intention, and I want to be better about this sort of thing in the future. I do want to make it clear that the post was never supposed to be body horror or squicky, I actually find baby Hunter really cute, so I hope it didn’t come off as me presenting it as body horror.

I also want to change his prosthetic arm’s design. It was meant to be very different from actual irl prosthetics, especially the one he used as a child. It’s more of a automaton type thing , but I’m not happy with it

In general, my art has changed a lot and I’ve gotten a lot better at drawing and more aware of how to depict people with facial differences due to injury or conditions present at birth. I also wasn’t aware that a lot of people find the term facial disfigurement offensive which I probably should have realized sooner.

I was never told that I messed anything up , but looking back, I think I could have been a lot more aware about how to depict injury based disabilities and the language used to describe them and I aim to do better in the future and be more conscious

Also sorry if this message is written poorly, I am very sleepy

BABY HUNTER @local-gemstone-lover @teastarfall since I know you’ll want to see this and @keikoyume since my design was inspired from yours. He’s supposed to be wearing his raccoon skin cap but I FORGORRR

Basically, the hunter was a child soldier. This was inspired from a few theories that the hunter was a war veteran, the much older theory that LN is a post WWII world, and an old piece of fan art of six hiding beneath a trench wall with a soldier right above her. Outside of LN, he’s also inspired by the boy from a manwha called The Horizion and Atari from Isle Of Dogs

Most stories and characters in LN tend to involve themes of things that scare children. I chose war- it’s indiscriminately violent, near impossible to control, and often impacts children.

Edit: I forgot to mention, there is also a song that plays from the TVs in the pale city called “scout whistle” which has a very military march type vibe while also still having a very playful like tune to it, which was also an inspiration- plus the raccoon skin cap is referred to as the “scout cap”

(Note: none of this is intended to demonize amputees or people with facial disfigurements. It’s inspired off of WWII facial prosthetics and limbs which were very unique and a huge step in helping veterans)

Basically, the hunter was taken to the nowhere at a young age. He spent a few years at a military training school. Older children at the school tended to have a lot of mannequin and porcelain doll/bully like parts, basically they were being slowly replaced.

He tried to escape with a few other kids. While running through a field, the child next to him stepped on a land mine, instantly killing them and severely injuring the hunter, who’s left side was basically screwed. He was taken back to the school after. (let’s just pretend it lines up with his burlap eye hole, I forgot what side it was on 😭)

He got a prosthetic arm, although it was quite uncomfortable and pretty stiff along with being very heavy (very different from actual prosthetics as he can actually control quite a bit of it since it’s more similar to whatever animates the mannequins)

Once he recovered somewhat, he escaped and ended up in the wilderness where he kind of went a bit nutty because of the lack of people and used taxidermy and alcohol as a way to cope. Imagine waking up every day to noise and other people next to you, not having a moment to yourself for YEARS and then all the sudden, that’s all gone. It’s so quiet you can hear your own heartbeat when before you could barely hear yourself talk. That was incredibly hard for him to adjust to, although he grew to prefer solitude and sees things like TVS and most other people as intruders who are encroaching onto his home.

Years later, the doctor would give him a new prosthetic arm (since the old one would obviously be too small) and do facial reconstruction surgery on him as the initial treatment and the way that the hunter was taking care of that side of his face wasn’t a long term solution. Without the mask, he basically looks like Keikoyume’s hunter.

As an adult, quite a few parts of him are taxidermy. He only started wearing the bag over his head once he started to make his… “family” out of people he shot and stuffed.

Poor guy

I wrote this on mobile multiple times because of accidentally deleted it so that’s why the grammar is ass

[sandycookie]

Heartslabyul QnA!

Posting the QnA here, will provide link and other options with ch13 release

Anonymous asks: 

I really like how this is a flow of consciousness style of writing! So I was wondering how you manage to get so many descriptions and thoughts, as I unfortunately rely too much on dialouge rather than sayijg what's happening because I can't really put it in words.

That’s a mystery to me too. 

Something I strive to do is to try and make things feel more ‘dynamic’, in a sense. I want to make my writing as far away from feeling like a slideshow as possible, as that’s what a lot of really non-descriptive writing comes across to me as. I still struggle with dialogue; not with the dialogue itself (most of the time) but with what the characters are doing. If they’re saying, laughing, hissing, etc. I try to add in little actions, note little ticks in facial expressions as well, etc. If you see an opportunity to add character or texture, you should try to take it. I try to consider what the characters might be feeling and also how they react, especially with dialogue since dialogue alone sometimes won’t be enough to convey certain meanings. Saying something like ‘What the fuck’ can take on multiple different meanings depending on how it’s said, like if it’s confused or enraged. 

What helps is that since the main POV POTI uses is Third Person Limited, I can intersperse scenes with thoughts and whatnot. POTI’s structure helps support description, both due to its POV and the character that POV comes from. I think that Third Person Limited is a really great POV for characterization, as you can characterize through description on top of general actions and dialog (and also through what they don’t notice, and what they think happened)—for example, one character might describe an orange as ‘A simple fruit’ while another describes it as ‘A scourge upon this earth’, etc. In POTI’s case, Alex is a writer (with only one work attributed, about her teachers warring in McDonald’s as mentioned in ch1, lmao), which is why there’s so much descriptive thought and whatnot (but to be honest I mostly added that detail as a way to include description, since it’s something I really enjoy writing. Plus, it lets me be funny by having Alex flip flop between elegant speech and ‘bro’s huffing copuim’ ha ha ha aren’t I so hilarious ha ha). She’s an overthinker (though I’ve toned that down a bit, because otherwise each chapter would’ve been like 50k words or something else crazy), therefore in order to write from her POV, you have to consider the environment and whatnot that surrounds and the kind of reactions that elicits.

In other words, coming up with prose doesn’t necessarily mean coming up with description; it means coming up with characterization if that makes sense. 

Now, as for how I do this…I’m not really sure myself. 

The easy answer is: “Read books.” It's generic and I’m sure you’ve been told it a lot but it’s common for a reason. A writer cannot be without having been a reader. At the end of the day, writing is an intellectual labor, and by studying the prose and techniques of others, you too begin to internalize it, begin to let it flow through you. I can say it works because that’s kind of what I did. I read a lot of books when I was younger, though I did stop and started reading fanfiction (I have read like, 2 books this past year, but I’m nowhere near as bookish as I used to be lmao), but I was super picky with it. I couldn’t stand even slightly choppy prose and would just immediately click off if I thought it wasn’t well written enough (that sounds like I’m some really bad judge on some talent show lol; did preteen me want some caviar to go with her hamburger?). I really loved reading descriptive prose, and that’s what I sought after. Now, fanfic shouldn’t be relied on as a sole source of reading for the sake of improvement—I think we’ve all seen our fair share of poorly written fics in our time—but I don’t think it should be discredited. There’s an entire world of immensely skilled fanfic authors out there, who craft prose that goes beyond tugging at the heart; that becomes the instrument the heart uses to tug.  

If I were to refer to formal authors, Edgar Allan Poe is a master of crafting atmosphere. He’s a standard I doubt I’ll even be able to so much as graze. Tolkien also takes his sweet time immersing his reader in the environment of his worlds. And if you have the stomach for it, Lolita by Vladimir Nobokov is narrated by a pedophile who just so happens to have a degree in French literature (and the prose is genuinely beautiful; but part of reading Lolita is seeing that even disguised behind beauty, this is a wicked man whose done wretched things); it can really worm its way into your head with how Humbert (the narrator) weaves the threads of his prose, but because of its content as well as how Humbert is constantly trying to win your sympathy and deceive you, it’s not a read to be taken lightly. Even I haven’t mustered the stomach to read it in its entirety. 

But of course, I didn’t read this classical literature in middle school or anything, but if you are willing to delve into that, then it’s not a terrible idea. I would recommend Poe the most since the vast majority of his works are short stories, so they don’t take as much investment as a novel does.

Of course, it would be a bit disingenuous to not recommend some fics with well written and descriptive prose of my own, given that I literally talked about how fanfic shouldn’t be discredited. If I didn’t include some, I’d righteously placed on a stake. 

For TWST fics, Yuu and the Power of Magic by writingerror. It’s simply fantastic, and one of my fav fics, period. I even wrote fanfic of it; that’s how you know I like something. I really adore writingerror’s style of prose, and it’s taught me a few things about prose. I don’t actually have a lot of recommendations here for TWST, since I don’t read as much fanfic as I used to. 

Other fics from other fandoms I’d recommend are: 

The Fifth Act (FF7) By Sinnatious. Excellent from characterization, prose, and plot. Anyone who likes FF7 should read this; it’s too amazing not to. Of all of the fics I list, this is objectively the best fic out of the bunch. I’m not even afraid to say that; it’s just that good. 

Providence (FF7, FF15) by fallintosanity is a sequel to TFA, featuring Noctis from FF15. If you enjoyed TFA, then I highly recommend you go read this afterward (I myself aren’t that familiar with FF15, and I wouldn’t say you really need to be to enjoy Providence)

Lucky Child (YYH) by Star Charter. My favorite fic on the list undoubtedly. It’s really long, but its beautifully written and the plot and character relationships are super well thought out. It uses 1st POV, so the prose is able to truly reflect the protag’s thoughts and character. Also, there are only 4 times that I’ve shed a tear from reading/watching/playing something. This fic was one of them. There have been few times my eyes have watered, and even fewer times where I actually get pushed to let them go. Trust me when I say that when this fic is impactful, it’s impactful. Also, Yu Yu Hakusho is just, really good, so go watch that if you have time, and if you do, do so with the dub. YYH’s the only anime where I actually prefer dub to sub; the casting is perfect and the performances are really fucking amazing 

At the end of the day, writing is an intellectual labor. That doesn’t mean that an inability to write to a certain standard means you’re dumb, but what it does mean is that you have to train your mind to think in a certain way, and in this case that means training it to be descriptive. Something I like to do is take an object and think of it in prose, and I always try to write at least a little bit per day. Practice makes perfect, as they say.

I would also like to say, while we’re at it, that you should bear in mind that writing isn’t a universal craft. Writing is highly situational, and not all conventions for it will be universal. This can be things like grammar to fucking up the formatting like how House of Leaves does. That also means that using dialogue as the main means of progression isn’t a bad thing, either. Although dialogue alone isn’t enough to carry an entire story, it is perfectly fine to use it as the main device of progression. The Hate U Give is largely interaction/dialogue driven, for a somewhat recent example.

At the end of the day, you should try to write in a way most suitable to what you’re writing about and for. 

Writing is tough, and it’s a journey that’s not characterized by big leaps. It takes a lot of small steps, and there really isn’t an end point. But it’s the journey where the biggest revelations are made and we reach the conclusions and answers most important to us. Don’t be discouraged; you still have a long way to go and a limitless horizon to expand! Keep it at, and like how a great meme man in water says:

And if that fails to persuade, then you should also know that I’ll never give up on you, never let you down, never, ever going to desert you, never make you cry, never say goodbye, and never tell a lie to hurt you. 

Now that I’ve strung you far along enough, here’s what I really did: I read yandere fanfiction. I’m legit pretty sure that’s the only reason my prose is this good. It is also probably responsible for 45% of my questionable thoughts. The other 55% is from the Internet. Now that I’ve told you this, here’s a favor from you to me: take this last bit of information to the grave. Mostly because typing that was just pretty funny and I am nothing if not a hedonist except when I’m not.