#I have a couple of betas for fiction stuff

[writingquestionsanswered]

hey, i love your blog, you’re so kind for doing all of this. kudos.

i was wondering if you have advice on how to not be terrified of sharing your work with the world? i write a lot of fanfiction (and someday hopefully some original stories) but i get so so anxious about ANYONE reading them so they usually end up rotting in my google docs, and eventually i stop writing them because i don’t get the motivation that comes from reader responses

but the issue is i’m not sure how to tackle this anxiety. as someone who has published works, do you have advice for this?

Tackling the Anxiety of Sharing Your Work

For my answer, I'm going to cobble together some bits from previous posts and add some new stuff. ♥

Sharing our fiction with others is one of the biggest steps we take as writers, and it can be scary no matter what you write. But, if you want to be published, it’s a necessary step. As with so many things in life, doing something that requires courage is often just a matter of taking a deep breath and doing it. "Ripping off the band-aid," as they say.

However, there are some things that might help ease the associated anxiety a bit:

1 - Try to Pin Down Your Specific Fears - One of the first things you may want to do is try to figure out what you're specifically afraid of or what's making you the most anxious about the prospect of sharing your work. If you can find the root cause, it might be easier to tackle the associated anxiety. Are you worried people:

will think your writing is bad?

won’t like your writing style?

won’t get your story/characters?

will judge you for what you write about?

will think less of you for writing at all or what you write about?

will blab about your writing to others?

will steal your ideas?

will see similarities between your story and others?

will make you feel tied to a project you might not complete?

I tackle some of these in the writing-related-fears portion of my Motivation master list.

2 - Don't Rush It - If you take the time to properly revise and edit your story, you can be confident in knowing you've put in the time and effort to make your story the best it possibly can be.

3 - Start Small - If you can, try sharing your story first with an "alpha reader," or in other words a trusted friend, family member, or community member who can appreciate your story. In this case, you might say you're not looking for specific feedback but just a general impression of what they liked about the story. This way, it's not about getting constructive criticism so much as getting over the hump of sharing it and getting the little boost of what they like about the story.

4 - Gradually Go Bigger - From there, you might try sending to a couple of beta readers and opening up to a bit more feedback. The great thing about this is not only are you conditioning yourself to sharing and getting the opinions of others, you can potentially use the feedback to iron out kinks in the story if there are any.

5 - Use a Pen Name - You might want to consider using a pen name for anonymity. Pen names have many different purposes, but much like wearing a mask at a party, they can decrease your inhibition a bit because it creates a bit of a buffer between the real you and your writing.

6 - Post and Let It Go - Many writers get around the issue by simply not engaging with reader feedback, and if you're someone who cares what other people think or are likely to be daunted by the prospect of criticism, this may be the best route for you to go. Now, I know that with fan-fiction in particular, reader feedback is often used for improvement. But the truth of the matter is, you shouldn't rely on reader feedback for improvement anyway. Alpha readers, beta readers, critique partners, and editors are a much better metric for where to improve. When you get your feedback elsewhere, you can post your story and let it fly on its own without worrying about what others are saying.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[its-in-the-woods]

Chapter 2 of down the rabbit hole

Chapter one here chap three

MDNI

Pairing: Walton Goggins x You

Rating: Not much for this, brief mention of SA, mention of alcohol.

Slow build like novel damn length okay, Very Fluffy, Pinch of Angst, Relationship Development, Hurt/Comfort, Older man/ Younger(30s) women, Alternative universe, fictional work (IDK WHY BUT I AM PUTTING IT) Probably more as I go.

Synopsis: Working in film as a make-up artist is hard enough, but then Walton Goggins requests you, well it's way too easy to fall down the rabbit hole.

Note: they are both single, all for fun.

WARNING I do not have this all written out, I do have it plotted out, but it may be a little slower for chapters to come out. Please bear with me. If you know a Beta to edit please send them to me.

*Before we get into things. Thank you 100x for all the love. It means the world to me*

Somehow four weeks have slipped by. As always, TV series runs like a machine on fire while driving through a snowstorm. Long days, and even longer nights. You wonder briefly why you chose a profession that meant you average four to five hours of sleep. But then Walton brings the whole trailer their favorite coffee and you just shrug the thought off. Working with the cast and crew was like being in one big dysfunctional family. One part hated each other, one part was fucking each other, and another part just held on for the ride. You liked to think you were in the last group, but sometimes when you caught Liz glowering at you, you wondered if maybe you were in the first group. 

“Why does she hate me?” You ask Trevor as you try to eat lunch. Fish wasn’t your first choice but it’s what they had had. 

“Who?” Trevor asks, munching on some strawberries, how the man ate as much as he did and remained tiny was amazing. 

“Liz.” You sigh moving your fork around the plate.

“Liz hates everyone, don’t take it personally.” He grabbed a couple more pieces of fruit. 

“Have you seen the way she looks at me? Like, why bring me onboard if she was just gonna avoid me like the plague?”

“She’s jealous of you.”

You turn and raise your eyebrows at him. “What are you talking about?”

Trevor lets out a snort and chomps down on some cheese. “Girl. Don’t play down your talents. You have worked your damn ass off to get here. One of the best makeup artists out there and Liz knows it. Why do you think Mr. Goggins likes you so much?”

You shrug and pick through your food, the fish was not sitting particularly well. “I am not better than anyone else.”

Trevor swats at you playfully, “Shut up. You can wrangle through asshole actors like no one else. You take zero shit from anyone and you get stuff done on time or before they are needed. You’ll be one of the most valued artists in town in no time.” He chuckles and pushes his own plate away. “Just make sure you bring me along with you.”

You grin back at him. Trevor had never jerked you around like most others. He was right, you did a good job and people appreciated your blatant lack of kiss assery. You fiddle with your fork for a moment before deciding that you had enough for the day. 

***

It was Thursday, which meant the week was almost over. The end was in sight and your bed was calling your name. You’d probably sleep the weekend away and indulge in some overpriced Chinese food. Your thoughts about sweet and sour pork are broken when someone announces they are coming in. Liz walks in and looks you up and down. Dear god, that woman has a chip on her shoulder. She went and pulled out a couple of empty totes. 

“It’s going to be you and Trevor tomorrow and the following week.” She says her lips pressed firmly together, as she talks she goes through drawers grabbing different products.  “Walton is here doing some scenes, Laura will also be here but she shouldn’t be on camera. If she is, I've emailed you notes and pictures.”

You nod, not bothering to look at her as you continue to wash your brushes. Liz continued to add to her bin.  “Sounds good.”

“Look, I know we haven’t been exactly- Friendly.” You turn to look at the woman, she is putting the lid on to the tote. Writing info on a sheet of paper on the top. “But, you do a good job. The director has been very happy with everything. “

“Thank you.” You reply, giving her a small smile. “I appreciate that Liz.”

Liz nods back at you and grabs the tote, waddling out the door. It’s probably the closest you’ve come to liking her. You sit there for a moment, taking in the compliment, maybe things are changing for the better. 

***

Friday is here, and you decided to bring some timbits to celebrate the end of the week. The usually bustling studio lot was quiet. Construction and Set Dec had busied themselves with various other needs. It was refreshing to have a little quiet. You had even been able to park your car right beside the trailer. As much as you loved the absolute chaos that was a film set, the calm was a nice balm. You knew that before long you would miss the chaos, and it would be back with vengeance. 

Laying things out you felt like you could breathe. You had put on some gothic country on the stero, something that only you and Trevor really enjoyed. Both of you had moved from rural areas to do your job. It was another reason why you enjoyed his company. Trevor had set himself up on the second workspace, the two of you spreading out a little while the boss was away. 

“Hello. Lady and gentleman,” Walton’s voice shrill as he came up the stairs. The man was a never-ending ball of energy. You were positive you could do a month of night shooting and he still would come in chipper as if it was his first day. 

“Hey Walt,” Trevor said with a grin, it was hard not to be happy around the man.

“Excited for the weekend?” You ask as you drape him with a cape, popping off his sunglasses and grabbing his other glasses off the counter. As he rereads some lines. 

“I sure am. It feels like it’s been an extra long week.” He sighed, rubbing at his hazel eyes before grabbing a timbit. “These things are delicious, I am going to steal the whole box..” 

You slap playfully at his hand.“Hey now! Make sure I get a few” He gives you a crooked smile and holds one up. You don’t hesitate to lean forward and let him feed it to you. He swallows and looks up at you, as the realization dawns on you as to what you just did. 

“Well-Umm- Next week doesn’t look to bad,” Trevor pipes, shooting you a look, his voice squeaking slightly.

“This is true, just the three of us enjoying a few short days,” Walton says, you are desperately trying to move past what just happened as you grab a moisturizer and apply it gently. His eyes follow you.

“I can certainly say I will enjoy not having to drive all over the place.” You reply, trying not to let your cheeks flush. Reminding yourself sternly that you were a professional and for Pete’s sake you’d been working together for over a month now. 

“You have the craziest eyes.” He whispers as the two of you look at each other. There is no way of hiding the fact your cheeks are burning. Trevor graciously comes over and starts to fuss with his hair. 

“Thank you,” You reply, words caught in your throat. Turning to start packing your set bag, anything to hide the fact that you were bright red. You look up to see Trevor raising his eyebrows at you. You look away and finish things up before sending Walton off to set.

“What was that?” Trevor drawled as he slid into the chair, the look on his face made you want to crawl under the counter. 

“What was what?” You try to dismiss things even if your face is on fire. What the hell had just happened?

“He just fed you a damn donut hole and you are blushing all over Goggins?” Trevor pushes fiddling with a comb, and you really want to throw something at him. 

You freeze a bit and look up at him in the mirror. “Don’t do that.” 

“Do what? See the fact that you two have been goggling over each other for the last four weeks. You just ate food out of his fingers. Wait what does he taste good?’

You do throw a powder puff at him. “You. You stop it. I don’t know what the hell I was doing. It just kind of happened.” 

Yes, you had noticed the little things, but really the man was friendly with everyone. He had always been touchy-feely, but maybe there had been more that you had missed, including eating food out of his fingers. You remember him kissing you on the cheek yesterday morning before leaving. But there couldn’t be anything there, there was nothing there you repeated to yourself. 

“Oh give me a break. He brings you coffee and touches, and kisses your cheek every day. The man has been fawning all over you.”

You bite your lip and turn to look at your colleague, ‘He does that with everyone, Trevor. He’s just friendly.”

You’re now madly stuffing stuff into your bag trying to get out of this newly warm trailer. Trevor snorts and puts his things into his bag. You wish he would drop it, but he was never good at leaving things alone. 

“You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart,” He giggles in an imitation Southern drawl. The two of you hop out of the trailer. You aren’t sure whether to smack him or hug him, either way, there is a job to be done. 

***

It was a textbook day, Walton had nailed almost everything. The man could act there was no doubt about that. The character was a belligerent drunk detective trying to solve a cold case. The script was dark, moody, and well horrible. You didn’t shy away from horror, but true crime always made your stomach flipflop. Your stomach also flipped as you watched Walton go from looking like he was gonna bite someone's head off, to all smiles and laughter. 

You, Trevor, and Walton are walking back to the trailer together. It was actually sunny out, a rare moment for the Pacific Northwest. Costumes had been busy with some extras so you decided to start with him and finish with the others. 

“So do you two have any plans for the weekend?” Walton asks, walking in between both of you.

“I think I might have a date on Saturday,” Trevor replied cheerfully. 

“Oooh and who's the lucky fella?” Walton sing-songed.

Trevor looked flush for a moment, “Decon, from props actually.”

Walton chuckles elbowing Trevor “Well that sounds like an excellent Saturday. Man is gonna have some fun.”

Trevor shakes their head and rolls his eyes “He better show or I am going to have to send you both after him”

Walton bares his teeth and growls, which send everyone into a fit of giggles. Decon be aware, there was a madman coming for you. You thought as you get to the trailer opening the door.

“And what about you, little lady,” Walton drawls, that damn southern accent creeping in. 

“Nothing special. Think sleep and Chinese food are calling my name.” You reply as everyone settles in. Really that would be the best way to end the weekend. 

“Oh, Chinese food sounds amazing.” Trevor pipes in, turning on some tunes. 

“Who needs sleep, it's not that important.” Walton chides as you get to work. “I was wondering if you both would like to come to a small bar not far from here. Transport can drive us there and back, a few of us are getting together for some drinks.”

You catch Trevor's gaze, a sly smile spreading across his face. “Oh, I would love that! Little get-together with our mess of a family.”

“What about you?” The lead asks, rubbing your arm. His hands are warm, you’re surprised to feel a few calluses on his fingers. 

“Oh. Yeah sure. That would be good.” You give a small smile, trying not to let your mind wander too far. If you were honest, the prospect of getting together with a bunch of coworkers was low on your want list. But the look on Trevor's face tells you that you aren't allowed to say no. Your stomach clenches as the memory of a wrap party gone wrong rumbles past your mind. You push that down. It had been almost seven years since that happened, these were different people. People you knew and trusted.

“Fantastic, I am excited to have you both there,” Walton exclaims before closing his eyes to let you finish your job. 

Once Walton is released to Costume, you and Trevor busy yourself with cleaning the trailer. Getting extras cleaned up and making sure everything is ready for the early morning come Monday. You can tell Trevor has been watching you but you can't make yourself say anything. Anxiety has pooled in your stomach like a cold stone and you are struggling to shake it.

“What's wrong?” Trevor asks bluntly sitting down in a free chair. You shake your head and keep your hands moving.

“Come on now. I've never seen you get this clammed up over an invitation to a party. To be fair I've actually never seen you go to a party–” Trevor’s words trail off realization washing over his face. “I know you like your peace, and quiet, but what is going on”

You collapse into the other chair with a deep sigh. Trying to find the words, you really didn't want to explain things too much. That said if there was anyone who'd understand it be Trevor.

“When I first got into the industry.” Your mouth feels so dry even at the thought of it. You grab your water bottle taking a swig.“I went to a wrap party. Got drunk and a guy from Sound took advantage of me. So I've never gone to one since.”

Trevor looks shocked, sadness creeping in at the words. “Hon.That is awful.”

“It happened almost a decade ago. It's fine. Just makes me nervous.” You let out a breath. You weren't going for sympathy, despite it being the worst night of your life, all you wanted was understanding.

Trevor comes over and gives you a big hug. You feel tears prickle in the corner of your eyes. As you let yourself sag against him. You were so thankful for this man, that he was understanding and seemed to care about you. 

“Honey, nothing like that is gonna happen to you tonight. We'll go together and enjoy ourselves. And if any man or woman tries to hurt you I will beat them with my handbag” Trevor reassures you with a small smile. You both chuckle at the last statement 

You sniffle a little, grabbing a tissue from the counter to dab at your eyes. “Thank you, Trevor”

He gives you a reassuring nod as you both get ready to go out. You were determined to make it a good night one way or another. 

Chapter three

Maybe.. maybe.. I will post the next chapter tomorrow cause I am too excited not to share it. Likes, comments, and reblogs are so greatly appreciated. Y'all keep this northern person happy.

[crimeronan]

kitkat's dirt-cheap writing and editing services!

hello all! i'm kitkat, i'm a professional writer and editor who's been professionally writing and editing for well over ten years. as far as tumblr audiences go, though, i'm better known for my work over at ao3 elliptical.

the vast majority of my prior clients have dropped me for AI, and i need to build my freelancing base up again. so i've created a fiverr profile.

however, in order to get work on fiverr, you need good reviews. and before you have good reviews, you need to offer your services cheaply enough for people to take a chance on you.

so! i have some dirt-cheap offerings at the moment (11/14/23):

writing 500 words for $5

writing 1,100 words for $10

writing 1,700 words for $15

editing 1,000 words for $5, $10, or $15 (depending on how in-depth you go)

transcribing audio/video (price starts at $5 and depends on length)

my MAIN ask if you take advantage of the offer is to give me a five-star rating and nice review. if just a couple people here buy my stuff, i can show fiverr that i actually am good at my job. and then they'll show my profile to more people, and i can work up to a living wage!

quick faqs:

can i buy fanfic from you?

i cannot legally write fanfic for money. however, if there's a certain AU, relationship, character, prompt, etc., that you want to see, you can tell me (there should be a free-write space to explain what you're looking for when you order). then i can write you something that's "like" that, just with original names.

can i pay for you to edit/beta my fanfic or original fiction?

ABSOLUTELY, yes. just keep in mind that only the $15 tier currently includes in-depth comments and constructive feedback. with the $5 and $10 tiers, i'll happily proofread and check your grammar, but i won't have a ton of actionable feedback to give!

what's the copyright situation on this stuff?

you have the full rights to anything you buy from me on fiverr, forever. more in-depth explanation here!

i can't buy anything right now but want to support you. how can i do that?

it is 100% okay if you don't have money to spend (or simply don't wanna buy my writing)! one helpful thing you can do is favorite my profile, if you have a fiverr account. you can also make a fiverr account pretty fast if you have a gmail, but it is completely reasonable not to want to do that.

you can also reblog this post if you want! i think most of my potential audience for this already follows me..... but if anyone wants to sing my praises in reblogs, i definitely won't say no, LOL

[aswegoalong72]

As We Go Along FAQ

Who are you?

I don’t like to put my name on the internet, but you may call me GB; those are my initials! I’m 24, and chronically ill. I have three cats, and I like to cook, clean, and do art when I’m not working on this novel series! I follow from @tolbachik, and my art blog is @tolbachik-art. (More about the novels under the cut!)

About the novels

What’s the story about? As We Go Along is a multi-novel series documenting the history of the Lyratet, and their history from the discovery of a safe passage to the northern hemisphere of their homeworld, to the eventual settlement of the galaxy.

So, science fiction? Yes, although I try to keep it as realistic as possible. No warp drives, no replicators, no energy swords; just good old regular physics and technology! Expect relativistic travel between stars, quantum computing, fusion power, and O’Neill cylinders as the most advanced stuff you’ll see. What even happens in it? A lot! I try to portray day-to-day life, with less of a focus on the science-y side of things and more on personal interactions and character growth. Ultimately, it’s about finding your place in the world and universe, and loving one another.

How many books are there going to be? One collection of short stories, three “prologue” novels at about 72k words each, with three larger novels following them and one last short story collection. Originally, it was going to be a stand-alone with only one book (the book I’m currently writing), but I’ve since expanded the universe very heavily. There’s a lot to explore!

72k word prologue novels? That’s already a lot! How many words will the regular novels have? At least 200k each, if not more. This is a saga, documenting their entire history and every little detail in it. It’s going to be a lot, but chances are I will cut the larger books into halves for easier readability, and to not deter people from getting into them. Still up in the air, really!

When can we expect to read it? When it’s done. I’m chronically ill, so it takes me awhile to get even typical household chores done, let alone a book! That being said, as of 1/1/24, I’m close to halfway done with the first book. I will be starting the prologues when I can, at which point I will start releasing them slowly. That way I have time to get the others finished!

Are there any other aliens in it, besides the Lyratet? Yes. I won’t elaborate further, though; I don’t want to ruin any surprises! Is it gay or trans? I mean, I guess? The gender binary on Reyal doesn’t exist in the same way it does here on Earth; “male” and “female” are very loosely defined. Physically, the only difference between the sexes is genitalia and a bit of height/face shape. On top of that, being equal to one another is an important part of life, so there’s practically no discrimination for relationships not following traditional “male/female” as on Earth. The author (hi) is gay and trans, so I guess if you count that too, yes.

What kind of “read” is it? Slow. I focus a lot on worldbuilding and character development. The Lyratet live a slow-paced life, and as such, I wish to reflect that in my work. I do try to keep it entertaining and interesting, though.

Is it family friendly? Yes and no. I would give it a PG/PG-13 rating, personally. It covers some very dark topics, like cults committing terrorism, some heavy violence, swearing, and there is some drug use. On the same note, there aren’t any references to sex really apart from a couple maybe wanting to have a child together. I’ll have a comprehensive list of warnings once I go to publish it!

Can I read it early? No. I will need beta readers at some point, but I won’t release any early versions to the public until it’s ready.

Where does the name "As We Go Along" come from? This Monkees song! I feel it describes the whole feel of the project very well. I have playlists for the story, but I'm going to refine them more before I put them out here. Where does "72" in your blog title come from? You'll see :)

What inspired you? Silent Running and folk music from the 1960s/1970s! Also, The Millennial Project by Marshall T. Savage.

About the Lyratet

Lyratet? Lyrat? Which one is it? Lyrat is singular, like human. Lyratet is plural, like humans. This is in Trel, a diplomatic language made to facilitate goodwill between nations on their homeworld, Reyal. Pronounced lee-raht, lee-raht-ett. Lyrat stands for child, as in “Child of Tenav” (Tenav a Lyrat), and Lyratet is “The Children of Tenav” (Tenav a Lyratet). “The” is usually defined by the suffix “te” in Trel, but the word Lyratet is special in this case.

Who are the Lyratet, even? They’re a cold-loving, communalistic, and herbivorous race from a planet slightly larger than our own, orbiting a K7V class star some 41LY away. They’re also incredibly religious. What conflicts should I expect to see? On Reyal, warfare isn’t very common. Religious wars died out centuries ago, primarily due to both sides not wanting to lose any followers before reaching “salvation”, whatever that may mean to them. Slaying one another is considered exile worthy, since they’re descended from prey animals. Keeping together and keeping each other safe is above all else. Nowadays, conflicts are settled through heated debates and international court.

I mean like, conflicts in the book. Man vs. nature for the first four including the prologues, man vs. man for the last few books. Of course, it isn’t just all that; conflicts between people will arise.

Can I make my own Lyrat character? Give me time to make a comprehensive historical timeline and get some reference sheets, but yes. I won’t consider them canon, but you do you! Just don’t like, claim the entire race concept as your own or sell designs based off it. Typical stuff, y’know?

I don’t think herbivores can become civilized. What’s your explanation? Starchy, fast growing, calorie dense tubers. That, and their social structure and their early languages helped to keep them safe from predators. If you ask them, though, they’d probably say Tenav, their star, guided them.

Why are they religious? Are you? Surviving the early days of civilization wasn’t easy, and they made sure to thank whatever powers they believed in (mostly Tenav) for making it through the day. Since then, their religious fervor has grown heavily. Atheists are in the minority, with only ~700,000 out of Reyal’s surface only 2024 population of ~13,000,000,000 not believing in anything. Also, no; just agnostic. Three eyes? Why? That's overdone! I will be honest, the Lyratet are based off of a design I got yeaaaaars ago from a friend, @bubbykat! I've tweaked it a bit since then, giving reasons as to why they evolved like that. Reyal has many, many fearsome predators. Through evolution, they took up an extra eye in the center of their head, giving the impression that they were more dominant than they actually were. It doesn't move, and is more vestigial than anything.

What’s Reyal like? Reyal has no seasons, and is divided into three “bands”; Northern Hemisphere, Equator, and Southern Hemisphere. It has a 33 hour long day, two moons, and a thick atmosphere. It isn’t tidally locked to its star, and has an orbital period of 3.27 months. It’s about 1.28x the size of Earth. It's dominated by numerous freshwater and saltwater lakes, with only one major ocean in the Southern Hemisphere. There are large cyclones above both poles, where the temperatures regularly drop to -153f on the surface.

If they don’t have seasons, how do they keep time? Nowadays, they use Tenav’s solar cycle and pulsars to keep time. As of 2024 in the Gregorian calendar, it is 23,514. It adds up as follows: their first cultures emerged 231,388 years ago, they count in base 8, and the average solar cycle of Tenav is 23 years long. So, it all adds up to the current date being 23,514! Still working on how to subdivide it.

What other objects are in their system? Order from Tenav is as follows: Syt, Inner Belt, Kouteb (dwarf), Omat (dwarf), Reyal, Alkan, Olena, Lejag, Outer Belt.

Reyal has two moons; Ro and Velgae. Alkan has one, Fel. Olena has six major; Heva, Thrallit, Eynaje, Selex, Lipeya, and Prasto.

[heartofwritiing]

Never meant to make you bleed.

paring: cassian andor x fem!reader

summary: after the events of 1x6 Cassian comes back to you with the chance at a better life together, but you’re still mad at him for all the secrets and leaving constantly, it will take more for him to apologize. based off I’ll be good by Jaymes young.

authors note: I can’t believe this show is done. It has gotten me through some stuff ngl I'm so sad it's over for now but I'm so happy that they're already filming season two!

warnings: angst, mentions of the events of 1x1 & 1x6, andor spoilers, slight fluff, mentions of spice (fictional drugs) some suggestive dialogue, arguments, lots of uses of cass idk i just really like his nickname lol, super unedited! (like fr I really need a beta reader..)

Coming home from a 12-hour shift at the junkyard, you were covered in oil and filth and stars know what else. You couldn’t wait to hop in the refresher, slip in your favorite nightwear and climb into bed.

You went to check on Marrvea before you made your way home to see if she was doing well, knowing she had been very sick the past couple of days. You, Brasso, and Bee had been taking care of her since Cassian left after the whole Corpos incident. She had been like a mother to you growing up so you only deemed it right to take care of her. Sometimes the woman could vex you with how stubborn she was. Refusing help when it was given to her, and the fuss you, Brasso, and Bee had given her.

You had walked through the entrance of your home and were greeted with darkness, the only light being from the small kitchen lantern you had left on for this reason.

You threw your bag next to the door and unbuttoned your jacket. Most days were hard to get through with all the labor and demand from Mora your boss. Especially with the empire patrolling the city more, everyone was on edge with how much it was getting overrun by Imperials. Getting things done recently had been more challenging since that day Cassian had left and what had happened.

You didn’t expect a knock at your door before you could even get it off. You groaned, wanting whoever it was to go away so you could relax for the rest of the night.

Strutting over to the door, your boots echoing off the walls, you pressed the panel button and the door opened to reveal Cassian Andor. He was clean shaven, dressed in a blue coat and his hair looked shorter than when you last saw him.

“Cass?!” you whisper shout. “what are you doing here, come in before someone sees you.”

You grip his jacket and pull him through the door way before you shut and lock it behind him. You had so many questions, like why he was here so late in the night and where had he been for almost three days. He looked on guard but placid as you shrugged your jacket off and placed it on the hook by the door.

You looked at him through the dimly lit white light from the kitchen as it glowed on the left side of his face making his eyes shine and skin glow. Cassian had always been attractive growing up but now he was even more handsome and rugged, especially in low light and when your half hooded eyes were scanning over his face and you hadn’t seen him in days it was doing things to you. You were still angry with him, but did miss him a lot while he was gone.

You noticed when his lips turned right into a smirk that his eye grew darker as you focused on him. He moved closer till your chests were closer to touching and you could feel his breath fan across your cheeks. His eyes glint when they meet yours, he knows precisely what you’re thinking. You shook your head from side to side, composing yourself, keeping your eyes hard on him.

“what are you doing here?” you asked.

“not happy to see me?”

You rolled your eyes at his comment. Of course, you were happy to see him that should be a given. You lowered your voice as you spoke.

“the Corpos are searching for you, they’re holding Marrva in her home, there have been rumors that you..” you trail off.

Not bringing yourself to say the word’s you don’t want to be true. You didn’t want to believe town gossip, you wanted to hear the truth from Cassian. His eyes searched yours frantically trying to figure it out before your lips could say it.

“what?” his eye brows scrunched down.

“you killed two corpos on Morlana One,” Your voice goes quiet as you finish your sentence.

Cassian sighs and swears under his breath as he turns away from you. You felt sick when you first heard the news from Brasso who informed you and he didn’t believe it either. Cassian wouldn’t have done that, not unless he had a reason. How would you know you barely see Cassian anymore? He returns after being away every few weeks, doing hell knows what. He comes back for you and Maarva as he always does. You sometimes feel he perceives it as an obligation to return to you. AZ

He says he loves you, he shows it in more ways than one, but you haven’t felt it recently. All the secrets made you worried for him, If he loved you why would he leave all the time?

You move towards him and slide up to his side, he felt tense and cold as you touched his jacket clad shoulder.

“It’s true,” he spoke, his eyes trained on the floor. He’s too scared to look at you, too afraid to see the look on your face. What you must think of him right now. No words are shared between you two as you stare at the side of his face in disbelief, he can feel your eyes on him not judging but just staring.

“What happened Cass?” you inquired, bringing your hand up to the base of his neck in comfort.

Cassian had explained why he went to Morlana One in the first place, he was going to find information on his sister. That shocked you greatly. He hadn’t told you much about his childhood, only that Marvea took him in when he was fourteen and had brought him to Ferrix and he told you very little about his childhood. You understood it was difficult for him to discuss it.

You and Cassian grew up together on Ferrix, your father was very good friends with Clem, Cass’s adopted father, and you both would consistently play together since you were only a year or two younger than him. throughout the town making mischief as you went. But as you got older something had sparked between you two other than friendship.

Cassian was always handsome but as he got older he became somehow more rugged and handsome in your eyes. You became more beautiful as time went on in his eyes. You both never liked the idea of love and marriage as kids, but when puberty came around everything changed.

He kept going on, he told you two Corpos had instigated him at the brothel where he was tracking his sister, then they proceeded to follow and corner him in an ally. There had been an accident, one of the men had fallen and hit his head rendering him to pass from the blow.

The other Corpo had begged him to go in and say it was an accident and there wouldn’t be any trouble, Cassian couldn’t bare to tell you the next part. What you were thinking of him now was driving him mad, when he finally looked at you he could see the discerned expression in your eyes.

You were glad he told you the truth, you could only guess how he was feeling right now. You felt a mix of emotions that you couldn’t quite place.

“I want you to come with me,” he says.

You blink at him.

“What?”

Cassian turns to you and shifts closer.

“I want us to go somewhere and be together like you’ve always wanted,”

That was a fantasy when you were kids, always talking about leaving and traveling the galaxy with each other. It was escapism, imagination, he didn't honestly think you would actually leave one day?

“Where would we go?” you asked.

“Anywhere,” he breaths. “everywhere,”

Your lips parted in shock, you couldn’t believe he was dropping this all on you. Did he expect you to leave everyone and everything behind?

You bite your bottom lip in uncertainty. You did love Cassian, with all your heart always have, and will. when he was always leaving and keeping all these secrets from you now, it was getting harder to trust him. He felt distant, and unsympathetic towards your feelings of loneliness when you would wait for him.

Uneasinesses consume you as Cassian looms over you with his broad shoulders. He places his hands over your biceps and you feel his thumbs rub circles through your shirt sleeves. His warm breath fans across your forehead, and you pause to meet his eyes, keeping them trained on his shirt under his jacket.

“I don’t know Cass,” you trailed off.

Bringing his hands up to your face he tries to get you to meet his eyes.

"If you're worried about money, I have the credits," he says.

You frowned.

"How did you get money?" you asked, worry lacing your tongue.

Cassian sighs annoyed that the conversation has taken a turn.

"It's not important, I just have it,"

"Don't do that,"

"What?"

The atmosphere has shifted around you both as you get more restless with his reservedness. You can't stand for the secrets anymore.

"Just tell me where you got the money Cass," you implore. "Are you trading spice?"

You wished your mind hadn't gone there but with everything that had been going on lately, you couldn't help it. He knew how you felt about that trade though, how your uncle had gotten mixed up in all that and then vanished, and now the same was happening with Cassian, this is how that happen last time. the people around you always suffer the most.

"kriffing- no! how could you think that?" he scowls.

Your eyes brim with tears, how could you have thought that, of course, he wouldn't get mixed up in that, not your Cass.

"I'm sorry, it's just I don't understand why you all the sudden just come back with all this money and expect me to think anything but bad,"

Exhaling through his nose Cassian just felt right about just telling you. He trusted you more than anyone. He told you everything, well almost, leaving out parts he didn’t want you to know that he knew would upset you. Aldhani was a mess to say the least, You could tell he was leaving out some details with the way he hesitated with every breath between pauses of speech.

You were happy he was opening up more with you but you still felt wrong about just leaving out of know where.

“But think about it,” you speak. “you can’t just expect me to leave everything and everyone I love?”

“no, but-“

“what about my father? Marrvea? Bix? Brasso?!” you retorted.

“Just because you leave doesn’t mean that you can just come back and pick up the pieces of those you left behind!”

Cassian looked a little wounded at your words but he noticed how worked up you had gotten. You were right, he had been inconsiderate in not telling you anything, and asking you to drop everything and run away with him was unfair.

You notice how he looked with a pained expression and his eyes trailed down in shame, you felt bad for snapping at him like that. You took a deep breath and placed your palms on Cassian's chest.

“im sorry,” you apologized. “I didn’t mean to get so cross,”

You tried to level your head as Cassian pulled you closer and pressed a kiss to your forehead tenderly as he whispered against your skin.

"don't apologize, I'm the one who should be sorry,"

You wrapped your arms around his middle and you could feel his warm hands follow up your spine, he perceives that you might melt away in his arms if he doesn't hold you tight enough. That you will fall if he doesn't catch you now.

“You just make it hard sometimes, I can’t keep feeling empty when you’re not here, then happy when you’re here, and then dread when you’re gonna leave again. It’s torture but I carry on, get things done, and I can’t keep doing it Cass.” his nickname trembles off your lips. You feel a weight lift off your chest as you tell him, you slump into his shoulder and cry softly as he holds you close.

He had no idea this was how you'd been feeling, if he had known then maybe he would've done things differently. Instead of just leaving all the time he could've stayed with you, worked at the yard until he made enough credits to get a place for just you and him, somewhere close enough to Marvea and your father so you could keep eyes on them. Somewhere you could grow a little family together. But instead, he was searching for his sister who might not even be alive anymore but still held onto hope that she was still out there.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" he asks.

You didn't know why you waited so long to tell him, maybe it was the fact he came over tonight and everything was finally boiling over in your mind and you just wanted closure.

It wasn't essential right now. All that mattered now was that he was holding you. Silence passed between you, though it didn't leave you feeling dread. You thought hard for a moment, knowing another chance like this might not come again. An opportunity for you both to be together, and have a life.

"I'll come with you," You say.

"You will?"

You nod into his chest and inhaled getting the scent of his musk that brought you serenity. Cassian was relieved that you had made up your mind, you were glad that he was. You could feel the tension slipping away from you both from the conversation.

"Can we wait a day or two while I get my affairs in order?" you ask.

It would take you a day to pack and say goodbye to everyone. You don't know what you'll tell your father despite knowing he will understand more than anyone why you are leaving. Your father always did use to joke about how you and Cassian were fated to be married. He used to say there was no one else he could see you settling with than Cassian.

"of course," Cassian nods.

You pull back from him and see his face light up when he looks at you sincerely, which makes your heartbeat skip. Cassian presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss that causes you to moan softly at his lips' softness. He cradles the back of your head as the kiss becomes more fervent and desperate.

You reach a hand up to stroke his jaw with the pad of your thumb, the stubble growing there pricks at your skin. You disconnect your lips when you feel a knot form in your belly, and your breaths mix as you stare into each other's eyes currently clouded with desire.

You wished he still had his full beard, the hairs used to tickle when you kissed but it suited him very well.

“You shaved,” you giggle, tension slipping away for a moment.

Cassian chuckles under his breath as he gazes at you cheekily.

“You miss my facial hair?”

You shrug nonchalantly pushing up onto your toes you kiss his cheek tenderly and lean into his ear.

“Can’t blame a girl, especially when it tickles in a good way, in more places than one..” your voice trails off.

Cassian's face goes bright red and he clears his throat as he leans forward.

“Don’t,” he warns.

“But it's so fun,” you tilt your head, grinning like a cat.

Cassian shakes his head and gives you a smile. Suddenly you're squealing as he picks you up and you circle your legs around his waist. He carries you to your bed and sinks down until you're both laying on your sides. You lean your foreheads together as his hands caress your back ever so softly. Anger is forgotten as he touches you and somehow you mostly hate the way he makes you feel half the time.

Love, annoyance, pain, dread, compassion, and sometimes resentment. Never the less you never could hate him for that.

"I'm still mad at you," You hum, eyelids shutting as you cuddle close to him.

"I know," Cassian murmurs. "Just get some sleep,"

*~*

tags: @redheadspark @a-lumos-in-the-nox @wacky-nerdchick @countlessimagines @nicolewithanee @starfirette @pandalandalopalis @michel-98lml @creedtheconquer @user-jongdae @steve-harringtons-slut @charlie-heatons-whxre

if you would like to be added or removed please let me know!

[phthalology]

happy talk shop tuesday wednesday! please tell us about the difference, for you, between writing origfic and fanfic. is it difficult to strike a balance between the two in terms of desire/the differing needs of the genres/reception/etc? are you leaning more in one direction than the other these days and why? what obligations do you feel the genres place upon you? and such like.

Thank you for this twednesday ask which I will answer at length and bitterly!!

I write original fiction because doing so is one of a couple possible ways to reach a life-long career goal. Once I reach that goal, I expect to stop, unless I am paid. I’m slowly working on all of the ways. If not for that goal, I probably wouldn’t do it. I do like to apply what I’ve learned about original fiction structure to fanfic, because emphasizing stakes, forcing characters to make small but illustrative choices, creating contrast between characters, and pinpointing what a character wants are good story engines for a reason. Doing those things gives the story a kick!

I also don’t think I’m particularly good at those techniques. For me, original fiction craft is like navigating in the fog: I can’t really see what I’m doing, where I’m going or whether I’m doing it well compared to fellow travelers; I can only keep pulling the lines I have, pretty sure the more expensive boats do actually work better than my hand-built canoe does, and listen to the foghorns and shouting and such in the distance.

That pretty sentence? Has pretty much none of the requirements of a good original scene, I don’t think.

Reception … I like reception. It’s nice. I get it from fic, or, occasionally, from a person beta-reading original stuff. The fic reception is more fun.

I invariably lean both ways, but I set a relatively high original submission goal for myself this year.

Obligations … I do feel that for orig fic I need to keep up with contemporary styles and trends. For me, this is easy. I like reading contemporary work. But one runs into a lot of requirements when submitting that make it feel like applying for jobs. Twice in quick succession I wanted to submit to certain mags but couldn’t because the editors were vegetarian or simply by preference did not accept stories involving meat-eating or violence toward animals. This appears in an astonishing amount of my stories, usually in the form of fantasy creatures fighting each other, or in passing mentions of farming.

Fanfic of course also has some obligations in terms of community norms, but it’s completely different. It’s difficult to go from fanfic to a world of obligations with much higher stakes. The major difference is that out of fanfic I get short-term pleasure and confidence. Out of original fiction I get a sense of connectedness to what I decided meant security to me back when I was a kid. Those, maybe, mean the latter makes a better story.

[staceymcgillicuddy]

annual writing self-evaluation

Thanks to @astorytotellyourfriends for the tag - I didn't do this last year!

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

If She Lived in Space, Man, I'd Build A Plane crimson & clover pulling overtime model citizen; zero discipline what you give just serves me right two jack trippers and a chrissy perception check all my kinktober fills a hollow tree

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Gosh, that's hard. I'm proud of all of them for different reasons, and I have issues with all of them for different reasons. I guess I would say "what you give just serves me right" makes me happy, and was something I had to push myself to do, but I was pleased with how it turned out in the end.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I hate that I have two fics out that I haven't updated in ages! I am not proud of that! And there are a few things in all of them that I'd tweak.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh golly. Alright, from a hollow tree, which was my Halloween fic featuring Lilith!succubus!Chrissy:

Fog slips into the van when he opens the door. A mist so thick it’s disorienting as he drops to the ground, and the shape of a girl forms itself out of the gloom.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Almost every single regular commenter on Soul makes my heart sing and my panties drop, and I'm so sorry my brain is being stupid right now.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right goddamn now. It's like squeezing blood from a fucking stone, and I have no idea why, but everything comes out strained and blechy and I hate it, and I refuse to inflict it on anyone else so I'll just sit like a lump, churning out crap and never showing it to anyone.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

Genuinely did not think that I would get so into the Hopper/Chrissy/Eddie dynamic as I did when I wrote it as a crackship as part of kinktober. But, like, I could get DOWN with that shit.

Also, Hellcheerington surprised me. Oh, and writing Eddie's dad for Soul was weirdly cathartic? I was determined to make him a person and not a collection of cliches, which was easier said than done. I think I got there, in the end. Hope so, anyway!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't, I fucking regressed. Or, no, not really. I pushed myself a bit, tried to get sharper and cleaner with some prose. Read some theory books, worked on my rhetorical devices, forced myself to kill a couple darlings along the way (but not all the darlings, god damn it).

I also published a book, so yay?

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I'd like to get back to writing original fiction. I've been in a slump with that, too, because it doesn't have the instantaneous feedback that fanfic does. I want to split my time between fic and pro writing stuff, and I want to be very realistic about how much mental energy my real job takes up. When I used to write like a madwoman, I didn't have the role I currently do, which is a senior project manager leading a team, working mostly with executive-level staff. Don't get me wrong, my job pisses me off a lot, and stresses me out, too, but it pays well and we live in a shithole of a society where money matters in the grand scheme of things.

So, like, I guess I hope to grow as a writer in writing even when my brain doesn't want me to, or it doesn't feel great to do so.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Freaking Shirley Jackson, man. That bitch can write.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

I'm always putting kinky shit I see or experience at the bdsm club into my fic. I am as God made me.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Everything is made up and the points don't matter. Stop comparing yourself to other authors. Turn off stats on your AO3. Write what you fucking want and quit worrying if other people are going to like it.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I'm going to be so, so glad when Soul is done because I love it so much but it is also the millstone around my neck.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@binickandros, @pipergirl17 and @phoenixwrites please!

[tarysande]

Can I ask, how does one go about becoming an editor? Like, where do you apply for jobs?? What kinda training do you do?? Are there companies that hire out editors to writers? Im just so confused about it. Ive always been interested in editing, and am considering doing it as a job

Editing is a weird career.

Really, I started as a writer. Like, when I was eleven. In jr. high and high school, I was in a writing critique group and I wrote a lot. I graduated from university with a degree in theatre, film, and creative writing. I was often the person my friends came to when they needed help with a paper (or the correct placement of a semicolon). I've been involved in fandom since I was about 17, and I was very fortunate to fall in with a group of excellent writers who were also excellent betas and editors. I learned a TON from them without realizing how much I was learning.

I started editing by accident, really. Sometimes, that's how it happens. I mostly got gigs here and there through friends or word of mouth. About ten years ago, I got more serious about it. I worked for companies that paid horribly. Then I did an editing test for a company that paid less horribly, and they hired me. After a couple of years editing countless academic papers, ESL academic papers, novels, emails, business documents, etc., I decided to branch out on my own (mostly so I could work on more fiction; I was burned out on academic papers).

I joined Editors Canada, started volunteering with them, got a lot more experience, and took a few continuing ed courses to gauge where my skills were at and to determine if I needed to upgrade my education. I decided I didn't need to do that, because I already knew the things I was being taught.

I read a lot of books on editing, writing, and craft. I familiarized myself with the Chicago Manual of Style, APA, MLA, and a couple of other style guides. I learned the differences in spelling, punctuation, and style between US, UK, and Canadian English. I went to webinars, conferences, and courses (all the major editing associations offer these, usually cheaper or free for members; they are a great way to determine what kinds of editing you actually LIKE). I learned the difference between rules and preferences, and when to apply them to a text.

I work freelance, which means I have my own business as a sole proprietor. I'm a contractor with a couple of companies who sometimes send work my way, but most of my clients are individual writers planning to either self-publish or polish their work before seeking traditional publication via the agent/tradpub route.

Freelancing has many perks but is not particularly secure. Especially if you're American and need an employer to provide health insurance, or if you're single and don't have another income to lean on when contracts are scarce. These days, most of my work comes via referrals, my website, or the listing I have in the Editors Canada directory. I follow a couple of editing-related Facebook groups; I've learned a lot there, and I've also picked up the occasional client. A couple of people have found me through LinkedIn. A couple of people have found me through here!

I've never worked in-house for a publisher--mostly because having control over how many hours I work and when I work them is my top priority. In-house is a whole different ballgame; I know a bit about it from my peers, but I don't have firsthand experience to pass on. These jobs are supposedly more secure--and they tend to be salaried, with benefits, etc.

"Editing" is a GIANT umbrella term. There are SO many types of editing out there. People tend to think of book publishing first, but that's only one avenue. There are also different kinds of editors who tackle different types of problems. I've done enough of everything to recognize that I am much happier when I'm working on big picture stuff--coaching, developmental editing, manuscript critique. Others specialize in the nitty gritty mechanical details that make proofreading or copy editing a better fit.

Right now, the bulk of my work life is actually spent ghostwriting. The client's business-materials editor posted that his client was looking for someone to help with characterization in a novel. I ended up winning that contract. He came to me with one monster book. I helped him realize it needed to be at least a trilogy, and now he has plans for a ten-book series--and I'm helping write it. But I got the job because of the work I've done on the development side of editing--and because I've spent SO MUCH TIME learning about characterization (via acting, fandom/writing fanfic, reading, etc.). So. It all feeds into the same place.

The tl;dr is that my experience has been a bizarre mix of being in the right place at the right time, ongoing professional development, and learning the value of volunteering with an association. If I were starting down this career path right now, I'd probably do an editing certificate (there are many out there, depending on country). I'd definitely join an association sooner (even as a student member) and volunteer.

Actually, the ultimate tl;dr is ... this industry IS CONFUSING. So, don't feel bad about being confused. It's actually probably about eight different kinds of job wearing a trench-coat and pretending it's something called "Editing."

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

hii <3

i indeed would like to ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story :))

your rambling is everything, so go wild on poor little meow meow Larissa and our favourite menace Wednesday hehe

hiiiii!!! sorry it took me a bit before my brain got less mushy and i could string coherent sentences together! i'm still very much sick though so excuse me if i ramble a bit too much lol.

okay so these two live in my brain rent free now. it started off more as a challenge? or something to be like wooo controversy, and like. how can i make this work. but even though it started that way i never intended it to be like, badly done. from the get-go i put a lot of thought into it and wanted to actually make the story as high-quality as i could in terms of character development, their relationship and all the technical aspects (you know as you are one of the betas haha, and you know how many times i tweaked things, proofread, and how many times zephyr and i went through it). like i wanted to develop it as much as one can reasonably do in 14 chapters without getting sidetracked. and that was supposed to be the gimmick, like oh some ppl are gonna think it's controversial but it is actually well done and they might still be inclined to read it if they just bothered to try! (like a naive lil disney princess i forgot this is the internet lol)

the more i got into the story, the more i adored these two and their dynamic, or rather the dynamic i created for them. i think they just work, or more like, i've made them work. ppl have accused me of being a pedophile multiple times in the last couple of weeks while i've been posting the story lol, and asked me if i ship them in the show now, which is imo just fucking ridiculous. this is a separate universe that builds on what we had, or rather should have had, in the show, a story about two grown women who are both very odd in different ways and have found love and belonging with each other. i think neither of them could do a conventional relationship in my universe, and so this makes perfect sense for them!

i love writing larissa as a poor lil meow meow. there is just something about a pathetic, lonely middle aged woman that makes my brain go brrrrrrr. and wednesday is just a delight to write. i love channeling her voice. i used to be a lot like wednesday as a teen lol, that's sorta how i talked (i had no friends lol), so channeling her is a fun blast from the past and feels very natural to write.

it was a joy to write tbh! and personally, i don't think it's like.... even that out there or particularly (hehe) controversial? it's very much a coming of age rom-com sort of thing, but make it like... Quirky and include some dark humour. the outraged reactions i got to it honestly made me wanna write actually controversial stuff lol. i tend to want to spite the haters :)) and prove my point that fiction is fiction. i am very annoyed by the whole puritan internet culture, it really fucking irks me, esp when it's enforced by the self-proclaimed weirdos and goths and whatnot, who don't know what pedophilia even is lol nor could recognise it in fiction or real life. i know i won't get my point across to people who have already made up their mind about me being the actual pedophilic devil, but i will sure have my fun! i can't wait to challenge myself again! :))

also "particular" really inspired me to write longer works!! and i learned that i am most comfortable with that sort of format. all the things i am planning in the future are multi-chapter fics and rather long! and how i prefer to do it now is to write it all in advance and then post -- that way i know i won't lose interest midway haha. i am motivated by that sweet dopamine of wanting to share my work!

so yeah, i met some lovely people bc of this story (looking at you @the-frankenman-writes, actual gem and joy and delight), i strengthened some friendships, and i think it definitely made an impact on people! i grew a lot as a writer and it pushed me to refine my skills! so all in all, i'm very happy <3

stay tuned for the last chapter!!! a christmas special! :)))

[angelicminds]

ABOUT ME

Pen name ↠ Kiki Beroski

Age ↠ 21

Pronouns ↠ She/her

Background ↠ Caribbean, Netherlands, Bi, student

Hobbies ↠ Writing, painting, drawing, designing things, making playlists and moodboards.

Music taste ↠ Pop, punk pop, soft rock, indie rock.

Howdy hey! I'm a new writer of original fiction, but I have been writing fan fiction for about two years now. I am a university student as well, so the journey might be long very long before I finish a book. I'm also writing fan fics, so this is a 5-year plan.

I'm not a native English speaker but I have above average English skills, except speaking (I am the worst haha). All my writing is in English and I don't really care to write in my mother language. I always ask beta readers to help me out, don't have one for my current WIP yet.

Under the cut my original fiction wips <3

Main WIP: Tales Of Te Ao Trilogy.

Secret Pride - Drafting

NA, LGBT, Romance, Soft Fantasy, Smut, POC focused.

Two princes are arranged to marry to safe their kingdoms from war, yet they have not been informed about this. Childhood friends to enemies with benefits to lovers. Wip page (mobile).

Kindness Of Paradise - Outlining

NA, LGBT, Romance, Soft Fantasy, hints of found family

Twelve young teens are chosen to compete for the throne while having to deal with normal teenage complexities. Friends to complicated to lovers. Wip page (mobile).

Project title: Capture Of Oracle - Plotting

NA, LBGT, Adventure, Romance, Soft Fantasy, Found family.

After the new King is chosen the oracle disappears. The royal couple needs to find the next oracle to ensure the future of their Kingdom. Found Family, Bandits, Established Relationships.

Side WIPs

Project title: Sapphic Witches - plotting

NA, LGBT, POC Focused, Romance, Witches, Cosy Fantasy.

I'm looking for other writeblrs to follow, so if you're interested please follow and reblog this post. If you want to be friends, you can introduce yourself in the tags. After checking you out I will follow back from @larrysballetslippers, that's my main blog. I want to thank @pens-swords-stuff for helping me to set up this blog up with their amazing posts (and for the good intro post I basically copied hehe).

When a new witch ends up at an Academy for Witches, she joins a coven and falls in love with every single girl there. Polyamory, Found Family, self indulgent book lol.

Project title: The Sorcerer's Master - plotting

Adult, Magic, Steampunk, LGBT, Dark comedy, Romance

When a dark sorcerer tries to overthrow the government, a darker witch gets rid of him. However, she doesn't exactly kill him, so naturally he convinces her to overthrow the government together.

I would love to be tagged in tag games!! You can always ask me stuff!

[zep-writings]

You Feel Like Home

CHAPTER TWO.

Warnings: Bad words, mention of war and military, fluff, loss of parents.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Ellie Barnes.

Notes: I do not own any of the characters present in this story, except for Ellie Barnes, an original character. This is pure fiction.

This has not been beta and English is not my first language so be nice haha.

Please give me some feedback, even just a small comment is really appreciated!

I've been working on this one for a while, so please let me know what you think!

You Feel Like Home Masterlist || Main Masterlist.

Chapter one

“I don’t see what the problem is.” Bucky stated, knowing full well what was on Steve’s mind. “You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know there’s three and a half million women here?”

Ellie felt herself tensed a little at her brother’s words. There was a lot of women in New York, and one of them would probably end up with Steve one day, she thought, and as she watched a couple holding hands walk by them, she wished she could have that too. Ellie was a desperate romantic and deep down all she wanted was to find a man who loved her and have a family.

“Well, I’d settle for just one.” Steve replied pushing his hands further down his pants’ pockets.

“Good thing I took care of that.” Bucky smirked, letting go of Ellie’s shoulder and waving at two ladies standing a little few meters aways from them.

The first one to the left was a beautiful blonde, hair perfectly brushed, with deep blue eyes wearing a red dress with small white flowers. The one to the right was a gorgeous brunette wearing a beige dress, who Ellie had already seen with Bucky once or twice. Her name was Connie if she remembered correctly. Ellie suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, but she knew her brother had always had success with the ladies. Bucky was charming and knew exactly how to talk to the ladies.

“Hey, Bucky!” Connie called out loudly, waving her hand back at him.

“What’d you tell her about me?” Steve sighed slightly, his body stiffening a little.

“Only the good stuff.” Bucky glanced at his best friend and quickly at his sister, a huge smile on his face.

Steve pushed back the small piece of hair falling in front of his forehead, immediately growing very nervous which is something that didn’t escape Ellie. She knew him well enough to know those kinds of situations made Steve’s anxiety kick in. He had always been self conscious and never great at talking to women. Not like Bucky was anyway and he was painfully aware of it. After all, he was only the little kid from Brooklyn who every woman was too afraid to step on, he was nothing like his best friend. He looked at Ellie a few seconds, who gave him a tiny smile, and took a deep breath before all three of them reached the two women.

“Ladies, this is Steve, my friend I told you about. And this is Ellie, my sister.” Bucky introduced before he took the brunette’s hand. “Steve, Ellie, this is Connie and her friend, Bonnie.”

After a quick polite greeting, the five of them started to make their way further into the expo. The hall was getting more and more filled with people of all ages, couples, group of friends or families walking from wonders to wonders and Ellie quietly followed Bucky, Connie and Bonnie as she stayed by Steve’s side a little behind them.

“Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion and the World of Tomorrow. A greater world. A better world.” The voice of exposition announced, resonating above their head.

They all stopped for a second, looking around them. Despite the fact she felt slightly overwhelmed standing in the middle of so many people, the place was absolutely amazing.

“Oh, my God! It’s Starting!” Connie exclaimed as she squeezed Bucky’s hand before she pulled him to follow her toward the stage.

Ellie exchanged another quick glance with Steve, and, without a word, she grabbed his arm, folding hers under his, and they followed Bucky, Connie and Bonnie across the crowd. They ended up a few meters away from the huge center stage as a woman’s voice loudly raised.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Stark!”

Ellie grinned, clapping, and watched the named man appeared on the stage. He removed his hat, handed it to the woman by his side and, with a grin, kissed her. Ellie rolled her eyes; Stark was a genius, everyone knew that, but he also had a reputation as a womanizer.

“Ladies and gentlemen. What if I told you that, in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all?” Stark spoke in the microphone.

Ellie looked at Steve watching him as he handed the small package of peanut he was holding in his hand to Bonnie, the woman standing just in front of him. She shot him an annoyed look, making Ellie’s heart drop in her chest, before she turned back to look at the stage, ignoring him, and for a second, Ellie wanted to punch her. Why did women kept on acting like that with him? Why did they keep on acting like he was such a loser when he was nothing but the most amazing man she knew? She sighed in silence and tightened her arm around his, give it a little squeeze.

Ellie looked back at the stage right at the moment the red card in the middle of it started to lift of the ground, flying. Unbelievable, she thought as she squeaked with excitement.

“Holy cow.” Bucky declared, expressing exactly what Ellie was thinking.

But soon, one of the small engines replacing one of the wheels started to sparkle and gave in. The car crashed back to the floor in a loud banging noise and Ellie chuckled as Bucky exchanged a glance with her and Steve, smiling genuinely at them.

“I did say a few years, didn’t I?” Stark spoke in the microphone.

Ellie let got of Steve arm and started to clap in excitement along with the other people around her. A flying car, how about that? she thought. It worked, only for a few seconds, but it did and maybe a few years of work would make it a reality. She reached out to Bucky’s arm and gently squeezed it before he started to turn back to her and Steve.

“Hey, Steve, what do you say we treat these girls…” Bucky started but he stopped, losing the smile which had been stuck on his face the whole time, when he noticed his best friend was gone.

Ellie turned to where Steve had been standing only a few seconds earlier and frowned. She sighed and looked around for him, but she couldn’t see him anywhere. Why did he always do that?

“Where did he go?” Her brother asked.

“I don’t know. He was here only a few seconds ago.” Ellie shrugged.

The Barnes’ siblings had noticed something was off with him, and they had both hoped to lift his spirit and for a moment Ellie thought it had worked but it clearly hadn’t. Steve was now gone, God knows where, and Ellie couldn’t help but believe it was also partly because of how Bonnie had treated him. Once again, she really wanted to punch the blonde standing in front of her.

“Let’s go looking for him.” Bucky said, grabbing Bonnie’s hand.

Ellie followed her brother, standing on her tiptoes from time to time to have a look around, but there was still no sign of Steve. It didn’t help that the place was packed, and she was just a little over 5 foot 4, just as Steve was. Then, her eyes stopped on a building: United States Armed Service – Recruitment and she sighed.

“I think I know where he is.” Ellie said grabbing Bucky’s arm and pointing to the building.

“Of course.” Bucky shook his head and turned to Connie and Bonnie, offering them a warm smile. “Girls, we’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

They nodded and Bucky grabbed Ellie’s hand, pulling her with him. It didn’t take them long to find Steve, standing up on a small platform in front of a mirrored image of a soldier. Of course, he would be here, his mind running over the fact he couldn’t enlist when his best friend was about to ship out. Ellie opened her mouth, about to say something but Bucky beat her to it, pushing Steve’s shoulder.

“Come on. You’re kind of missing the point of a double date.”

“And a plus one.” Ellie muttered to herself.

“We’re talking the girl dancing.” Bucky added, rolling his eyes and ignoring his sister comment.

Ellie knew what was coming, and so did Bucky. Steve clearly was not going to come dancing with them, he was going to try to enroll, again.

“You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you.” Steve said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and the Barnes’ siblings exchanging a look.

“You’re really going to do this again?” Ellie asked him, a worried expression on her face. She wondered if it was even worth trying to convince him not to try again because he certainly wasn’t going to listen. Stubborn little punk.

“Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.” Steve shrugged and Ellie sighed silently.

“As who, Steve from Ohio?” Bucky said, anger and frustration coming through his voice. “They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you.”

Ellie heart dropped in her chest at the thought of Steve leaving her too. She knew she was being selfish, but what was she supposed to do if Steve also left for war?

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do this.” Steve stressed, looking up at his best friend’s face.

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s war.” Bucky cut him off.

“I know it’s a war.”

“Why are you so keen to fight?”

“There are so many important jobs.” Ellie stepped in, taking her brother’s side.

“What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?” Steve asked, starting to get annoyed and frustrated at the conversation too.

“Yes. Why not?” Bucky approved his sister’s words.

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky.” Steve stated and Bucky opened his mouth to answer, but his best friend cut him of. “Guys, come on. There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” He explained and Ellie knew that deep down, on some level, he was right.

“Right. ‘Cause you got nothing to prove.” Bucky argued with a tint of defiance in his voice.

Steve and Bucky stared at each other for a few seconds, while Ellie was trying to find the words to convince Steve not to do this. But it was probably hopeless, Steve wasn’t going to change his mind.

“Hey, Sarge! Are we going dancing?” Connie asked form afar, her arm folded with Bonnie’s.

“Yes, we are!” The sergeant answered, quickly turning over to the girls before looking back at Steve and sighing loudly. He wouldn’t be able to change his mind and Ellie wouldn’t be either, Steve was way too stubborn for that. He shook his head, giving up and taking a few steps back. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Steve pointed out.

Bucky shook his head again, stepping close to his best friend again. “You’re a punk.”

“Jerk.” Steve simply snorted back, Bucky pulling him into a hug, and they clapped their hands in each others backs. “Be careful.”

Bucky started to walk back to the girls, but Ellie didn’t move, still standing in front of Steve. Truth was, she didn’t know if she wanted to go dancing anymore either.

“Don’t win the war ‘till I get there!” Steve shot back and Bucky turned to him a last time, giving him a soldier salute.

“Liz, you coming?” Bucky wondered, looking at his sister.

“Stevie…” Ellie whispered in a last attempt but the look he gave her was enough of an answer.

“It’s okay. Go dancing. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Steve reassured her, offering her a small soft smile.

Ellie looked at him, hesitating for a second before she sighed, nodding slowly. Without one more word, she dropped a peck on Steve’s cheek and walked over to Bucky.

“Come on, girls. They’re playing our song.” Bucky slipped his arm around Connie.

Ellie took a last look back at Steve before she dropped her head, following her brother. They quickly reached the car, and as she sat in the back seat, Ellie felt her heart sink in her chest. She wasn’t in a mood to go dancing, she just wanted to go home.

“Buck, can you drop me off at home please?” Ellie asked quietly.

“I thought you were coming dancing.”

“I’m just tired.”

Ellie noticed Bucky’s glanced in the mirror, but he didn’t argue. He knew his little sister and he knew his enrolment took a bigger toll on her than she led on.

“Okay. I’ll drop you off.”

****

That night Ellie didn’t sleep well. Her mind was too busy overthinking and imagining the worst. Every time she managed to drift off to sleep, she had a nightmare. In every single one of them she saw Bucky die in the war, not leaving her with a chance to say goodbye. For the second time that night, she woke up with a start, her heart racing in her chest and her eyes filling with tears. She couldn’t breathe and it took her a while to reconnect with reality. Once she calmed down, her breath calming down again, she decided to give up on sleep. Instead, she came out of her room and started to clean to keep her mind occupied. Glancing at the clock hanging on top of the kitchen table she realized it was barely 6 in the morning when she finished.

“Hey, what are you doing up so early?” Bucky’s voice raised from behind and he yawned loudly.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Ellie simply stated, breaking a few eggs in the pan for her and Bucky.

Bucky frowned. He wasn’t an idiot; he could clearly see something was on her mind and he didn’t have to ask to know exactly what it was. “I’m starving.” He said deciding not to push her.

“Well, it’s almost ready. How was dancing last night?” Ellie wondered, pulling out two plates and cups out of the cupboard.

“It was nice, really nice.” Bucky admitted with a smile as he poured two coffees. “What did you do?”

“Not much. I just read the hobbit for a few hours.”

“Again?” Bucky chuckled. “Don’t you know the book by heart by now?”

“I do, but I still love it as much. It’s a great book.” Ellie shrugged, placing two eggs and a toast into a plate and handing it to her brother who thanked her silently.

“I know you do. I was the one who read it to you the first time when it came out in 1937, remember?” Bucky chuckled, taking a sit at the kitchen table.

“I remember. I used to love it when you read it to me, even if I was already way too old for you to read me stories.” Ellie admitted, sitting in front of him.

“Maybe I’ll bring you some new books from Europe.” Bucky took a bite of his breakfast and looked up as his little sister’s face fell a little.

“I think that a great idea.” Ellie nodded, looking down at her plate suddenly losing her appetite.

They ate breakfast, Bucky making all the small talk before he helped her clean up and headed back to his room to finish packing. He was leaving in just a few hours and even if he was ready, a part of him was nervous to leave his sister. They had been separated before of course, when Bucky had left for his military training, but this time was different.

Once his bag was packed, he threw it on his back and walked back to the living room where Ellie was pathing nervously, pushing a lock of her hair away from her face. She was wearing the dress Bucky had given her for her last birthday.

“You look really pretty, you know.” Bucky pointed out with a warm smile.

“Thanks. I’m coming with you to the tarmac.”

“You don’t have to, kiddo.”

“I know, but I want to.” Ellie muttered.

“Okay.” Bucky pressed a kiss to her temple.

After a short ride in the car the army has send for Bucky, they were both standing on the tarmac, near the big army plane that was being prepared to take the soldiers to London. About thirty other soldiers were standing around, saying goodbye to their girlfriends, their wives, their kids or their parents and Ellie’s heart felt heavy. She grabbed Bucky’s hand and gave it a squeeze, the tears burning in her eyes.

“You’re going to be okay, Liz.” Bucky grabbed her face in his hands and gently stroke her cheeks.

“Promise me you… You’ll be careful. That… That you won’t do anything reckless.” Ellie sobbed.

“I promise. It’ll be okay. I’ll write you, all the time.” Ellie nodded and Bucky pulled her into his chest as she sobbed quietly. “And you better not find a boyfriend before I come back. I’ll have to make sure he’s good enough for you, you know.” He added in an attempt to lift her mood and Ellie chuckled slightly through her tears.

Bucky hated seeing her like this, but he understood why she was upset and scared. He strokes her back gently as she closed her eyes for a few minutes.

“Alright soldiers, time to go.” A voice announced way too soon for Ellie’s taste.

“Promise me you’ll keep an eye on Steve for me, yeah?” Bucky noted wiping her tears. Ellie nodded and he dropped a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.” Ellie said softly, forcing a small smile despite her state of mind.

Ellie stepped back, watching Bucky throw his bag over his shoulder and walk away. She looked at him climb into the plane with the other soldiers, wrapping her arms around herself. She already missed him. Unable to leave, she watched at the plane took off. Why was it so hard? Why did she feel like she was losing him for good? She took a deep breath, trying not to think about the worst and slowly started to make her way back home. She needed to be alone. Once she was back into her – way too empty – apartment, she settled on the couch and buried herself in the book she knew all too well, a much-needed distraction.

****

Chapter three

[doctorweebmd]

Because I’m nosey for the author ask…Hope you don’t mind :-)

🙋🏻‍♀️❌💔💲

ahhh NO THIS ISNT NOSINESS i LOVE oversharing get ready and also THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!! it was super fun and distracted me from the agony that is writing plot and remembering that its sunday night 🥺

🙋‍♀️ - do any real-life people know what I write fanfic? Uhhh. My husband does but I've never let him read any of it. I do tell people that I write 'fiction' in my spare time, because its like, my one hobby, but definitely don't extrapolate. i'm making the assumption that most people in the medical field don't know shit about ao3 but i also know for a FACT that there are multiple weeb sleeper agents out there. doing medicine. while weebing. BUT. i'm sure if anyone recognized any of my stuff it would be a 'what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament' situation haha

❌ - a trope i will never write? Probably alpha/beta/omega stuff. Some people do them really well and I've certainly read really great ABO, but its one of those dynamics that I would never want to voluntarily explore. Its actually the one tag I actively filter out when looking for new fic. On that same note, Pregnancy/Kidfic. Babies and parenting give me the major ick (this may be colored heavily by the fact that i dont want children and am at that age where people keep ASKING ABOUT IT.) tbh i'm also not much of a fantasy person or historical person, so a lot of hybrid/mermaid/royalty AUs are a no for me. and, probably most controversially? established relationship. listen i am here for the drama i dont care about healthy loving domestic stuff! i want miscommunication! i want pining! i want discovering each other for the first time! i want fumbling and blushing!!!

.... wow there are a LOT of things i dont think i'd write lol yikes.

💔 - Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart? Not to be predictable but yeah. Zero-sum game. In part because it was a very vulnerable place of writing emotionally - both because i had not, for many years, tapped into my own mental health experiences for fear of it being triggering while writing, but also partially because i was working in the icu during peak covid and everyone was dying and it was so fucking depressing and demoralizing. I teared up at a couple of scenes - this ended up super long so i'm going to break it down by chapter:

Chapter 7 when Katsuki walked by the bar his friends were having a reunion at, Jirou ran out to get him and Kirishima stopped her, saying 'we have to let him go.'

Chapter 12, Katsuki asking - are you afraid? And Zero looking up at the sky saying - Am I afraid? And then reciting that poem. 'Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.' That scene I can see so so vividly in my head, hear their voices, intonations, expressions - and it breaks my heart. The tent scene at the end of Chapter 12, too - 'Do you think that's what love feels like?' 'Fuck if I know.' FUCK ME UP. ARHGHH S.

Chapter 15 - Mitsuki saying 'But you’re gonna eventually have to find a way to love people without hurting them. Or you’re going to end up alone.' and Katsuki having a breakdown after. Then later in the chapter, Inko asking '“… I wonder, sometimes. Who he would become if he never met you.” WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

Chapter 19 - god. Where do I even start. The entire confession scene is like punch after punch to the ribcage. Specifically:

"How does Katsuki explain that the first time in his life he considered he might be in love is when hands he’s dreamt off for nearly twenty years (Now just the one. Half is gone, because it has to be, because to be complete is to give Katsuki more than he deserves) wrapped themselves around his throat, making him wonder if love might be a bit like dying, might be a bit like that last fucking breath when nothing in the goddamn world can feel more cathartic - that last strawberry, the last sip of water, the last bullet in the chamber - and they bled and fought and fucked and destroyed each other and nothing has ever felt to pure and perfect and devastating and absolutely holy - if that’s not love, then what the hell is?"

and

"“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I love you and I’m walking away from you and I never want to see you again. Okay? I never want to see you again.”

AND

“…What am I supposed to do now?” Inko Midoriya whispers out to the street. No more fretting, no more restless nights, no more ‘what if’s.’ Her son is back, but despite that, she’s still alone. They both are.

“I don’t know.” Katsuki responds honestly.

“Find something else to live for, I guess.”

Chapter 23 - the proposal scene. Specifically:

'Not because you saved me physically – and you did, you did, you’re always saving me, and I’m always saving you, I fuckin’ know, we’ll always save each other because that’s who we are, but it's more than that. Its more.'

AND

“But you need to know – you need to. That, with all of me, I love who you were, I love who you are, and I love who you’re becoming.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No matter how short, no matter how painful, no matter how fucking temporary all of this is. I want to experience it with you.”

“Marry me.”

AND. Finally and most of all. The authors note at the end. Even re-reading it now, its so raw. I think about this a lot:

'It all anchors on the belief that you can still be who you want to be. The belief that ‘broken’ people can get better. The belief, the ever present faith - because it has to be faith, because all tangible things are friable but not faith, not this - that you can be found. That you are not irredeemable. That there is a future worth fighting for.'

I have moments from 'we will wait and wait in that space' and 'nothing else fills' that made me tear up, but it still won't match the raw levels of emotion and vulnerability that was channeled in zero-sum. even now, years later, its still my heart.

Wow sorry this got SUPER long. but i loved going through zero-sum and picking out my favorite scenes so thank you for that :) :) :)

💲 - would i ever open commissions? gosh no, probably not. i'm not great at one-shots and deadlines and i work super inconsistent hours and tbh i have minimal confidence in the consistency of my writing to offer it as a service. i'm also very lucky to be pretty secure financially so i wouldn't have that kind of external driving force. but i'm very flattered that that's even a question. 🥺 id happily give away all my mind-vomit for free.

AHHHH i'm sorry this is so long THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME i adore you ❤️

[wykart]

I AM LOOKING HARD AT YOUR ZENITH BETA ARTWORK I've always kind of disliked the idea of zenith!Beta because I feel like the strongest and most compelling aspect of Aloy and Beta's sibling relationship was how Aloy is Beta's Rost. She is now the few-worded, directive, somewhat brooding protector to her assigned charge. And despite the debatable blood relations, their family. It's a prefect way to wrap up Aloy's arc and showcase how deeply important they are to each other. They NEED either other. I felt like Zenith!Beta storylines took away from that because if Beta already has the skills to basically overpower the world that Aloy struggled and struggled to conquer. (This option is subjective, people are allowed to like this trope even if I normally don't.)

BUT, BUT--- The premise you have set seems SUPER FUCKING INTERESTING. The hinted at the dynamic between Beta and Tilda. OH MY GOD, and Aloy basically having to slowly "wake" Beta up from that delusion. Oh, baby. I always give extra appreciation to creaters who can take a trope/take/plot that I don't like and make me fall in love. You haven't even written anything yet (or showcased stuff u have written), yet I'm passionate about it all the same. That being said, don't pressure yourself to make this idea of yours a reality just cuz I would love to see it. It is your story and there are many more important things in life than fictional characters (unfortunately). I just wanted to take the time to let you know how much I appreciate your WIPs and works (both art and writing) <3

Hi!! Thanks!! Honestly your problem with zenith!Beta is about the same as mine (not that I’ve read anything that’s out there). She is so essential for Aloy’s development and the story of FW in general. Also I love Beta and this AU is just hey what if everything about her was different? Your point about Aloy being Beta’s Rost is also 👌

That said, this time Aloy’s realisation about not being some sorta spiritual carbon copy of an innately righteous and strong person, and that actually her family and friends and choices made her and she has an identity of her own, comes not from Beta being seemingly ‘weak’ and stuck in hopelessness and dependent on others, but from Beta acting straight up evil. This person is the opposite of everything Aloy believes Elisabet was (and therefore made her). She’s like, how could a clone of Elisabet be so apathetic? she’s so mean 😭. Forces her to look inward in other ways haha.

Then of course it’s not reaalllly like that bc Beta is so completely brainwashed that she just doesn’t get it, and Aloy slowly realises that too. She’s stunted in a very different way to canon Beta, and comes in confusion to concepts like empathy and trust and hope from an antagonistic angle rather than a compassionate one. Which makes her the most annoying person ever to exist. The Tilda relationship is also Worse. As you can imagine.

I’ve written like a tiny tiny opening for this and have some rough notes, but it’d be long :( and I’m like do I realllyyy want to write another long story about a sobeck clone interfacing w zenith tech. And Tilda, can I bear to write more of that asshole? I’m not sure. That said it would be different stylistically bc I want to do first person (idk if you’ve read the Murderbot diaries, but those are the vibes). It’s an opposite character evolution from against the lightning in a way lol. I reckon I still want to write it

Buttt many more important things than fictional characters (unfortunately), as you say. So sad. I had (was forced) to take a few weeks off work a couple months back and spent almost the whole time just writing. I was so pumped about this other story and was like surely I’ll keep this up. Haven’t fuckin looked at it. Work is 😫. And I’m looking for a new job. Ugh. I am a constant knot of anxiety.

Anyway! Thanks so much!! Feel free to dm as well if you want to discuss further haha, I’d love the excuse

[moorishflower]

Writer This Or That

I got tagged by @teejaystumbles and @beatnikfreakiswriting <3

rules: answer in a separate post

Type it up or write it down // Write during the day or write late at night // Plan it out or write it as it comes // Scheduled updates or sporadic updates // Wips in a folder or wips all over // Angst or fluff // Get to the point or long and detailed // Notes in a notebook or notes on your phone (neither, I don't really tend to take notes!) // Edit now or edit later // Beta reader or edit yourself (I mostly edit as I go BUT I have asked for betas for very long, complex stuff) // Post chapters or post entire work (depends on the size of the fic!) // Music or silence // Snacks or no snacks // Tropes or new ideas (everything is a trope going back to King Arthur etc etc) // Beginning first or ending first // Show your irl friends or show your online friends // write every day or write when you’re inspired // fiction or non fiction // write for yourself or write for others (mostly for myself! but a couple good friends that I do care about what they think, too <3)

I'll tag ahh @avelera @cuubism @tharkuun and @pellaaearien! :D

[writebackatya]

4, 9, 12, and 26 for the writer's ask

4. What's a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Nevertheless. It’s three words in one! The neapolitan of words!

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn't about writing I just wanna know?

Eh. Not so much these days, but I don't want to dismiss the existence of ghosts entirely. I do have this one memory as a kid that still haunts (ha-ha!) me to this day. I forget what age I was exactly when this happened, but it was definitely before I was 10

I remember waking up early on day that I didn't have school don't know if it was Summer or just the weekend, but I believe I was the only one up at the time. Anyway, I went downstairs to the kitchen and went over to the fridge. I don't think I ended up grabbing anything, I as just looking

Once I was done looking, I closed the fridge door and when I turned around I saw this girl standing a couple feet away from. She was pale and had long messy black hair, she was also wearing a pajama gown

She didn't say anything at all, she just looked at me and opened her mouth as a raspy moan came out. I screamed and ran back up to my bedroom and just stayed there until I heard a few other family members wake up

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don't make the rules

A million good genies.

Writing wishes, eh?

1. I wish I was multilingual.

It would be nice to let characters like Fenton speak Spanish every now and then and make it sound natural. Plus it would be cool to know a language that isn’t English. (Currently I’m learning Tagalog on some language app so I hope that goes somewhere)

2. I wish I wouldn’t rush myself when I get close to finishing a WIP

Has this every happened to you? Have you ever been struggling with a WIP for a long time, just days of writing, reading, re-reading, re-writing, going over every sentence, sharing early peeks and with your beta reader(s) to get feedback on some areas, and then one day you realize that you are so close to wrapping it up but then you suddenly realize that you are SO CLOSE TO WRAPPING IT UP that you gotta finish it RIGHT NOW OR ELSE?’!

I hate it

I’m kinda the same way about reading sometimes. When I’m close to reading a story my mind reads faster at a rate where I’m not retaining the information I should be while reading. I hate it. I gotta remind myself to slow down at time

3. Built in thesaurus/dictionary in my brain

Just would be nice is all.

26. How do you get into your character's head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

I like to rewatch clips/episodes that focus on said character or features them heavily. Besides that I will look at other roles the actor has been in as well as think about other characters that remind me of that character and look at how those characters are similar and different

And besides other fictional characters, I like to think about how I personally relate to the character. Thinking about how I feel in that situation and what my reaction would be vs. a character’s. One thing I’m always trying not to do is turn someone’s blorbo into me, because they came to see their blorbo, not me. So I love thinking about differences and stuff that I like that I think the character wouldn’t like

I admit I sometimes think about my writing too much, but eh I’m easily distracted. I just listen to music or play video game or just move on with my day

Nope. Then again I’m just getting into the heads of fun Disney characters. Not like…uh, Lisbeth Salander or someone with a messed up backstory

[fearofahumanplanet]

Updated Intro

My Cluster B-exclusive 18+ Discord server can be found here!

Yeah, so my first intro was Bad and I've gotten so much more involved on this site than I thought I would - so it's time to wipe time and do it all again!

Hello, I'm Jane Doe (not my real name - you'd be amazed how many people think so, but really, it's not). I'm a writer and a mouthy sufferer of several personality disorders, and both of these things have kind of become the focus of this blog (bc I can't help but vent in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping).

General Taglist: @aohendo, @athenswrites, @impaledlotus, @bardic-tales, @carefulpyro, @marinesocks, @writingpotato07, @hey-its-quill

MASTERLIST AND WIP INFO AT THE BOTTOM OF POST

This blog contains NSFW (18+) content - I don't really impose any limits on my writing, and it is and has always been an outlet for my trauma! You have been warned.

THIS BLOG IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A SAFE PLACE FOR ALL LGBT+ & QUEER PEOPLE, ALL CLUSTER B DISORDERS (INCLUDING NPD & ASPD), ALL DISABLED PEOPLE (PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY), ANYONE OF ANY RACE, ETC. IF YOU'RE A BIGOT IN ANY REGARD, FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Now that we're through with that...

A Little About Me

I am twenty-one years old & Irish-American, I use she/her & it/its pronouns, I am hella LGBT, and I am a loud & proud anarcho-communist

We are a system that suffer from a combination of severe symptoms from all Cluster B personality disorders, but most severely borderline personality disorder (BPD), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Outside of those I also suffer from dependent personality disorder (DPD), bulimia nervosa + ARFID, chronic insomnia, major depressive disorder, agoraphobia, CPTSD, and am autistic, & with this blog I have decided to make it everyone else's problem :P

I am open to DMs, asks, & tag games at all times! But I may take a bit to get back to you

If you'd like to beta read or just read any of my WIPs, let me know! I usually share PDFs when at least a couple drafts are finished

I have been studying English for about as long as I've lived and writing for about eight years, and I'd like to think I've become pretty damn good at these things. I love beta reading and helping to edit other people's works, so if you have a WIP and you'd like some help, feel free to contact me (ESPECIALLY if it fits snugly into my interests).

Outside of writing, I have a deep love for horror movies & games, video games (especially first-person shooters & roguelikes), HEMA, reading (of course), punk & metal music, snakes & dogs, psychology & philosophy, and staying awake long enough to make inadvised chaotic decisions without a worry. Recommend me music of any kind, please!

I have also devoted almost a decade of my life to studying mythology, theology, history & culture all around the world - I find these things endlessly fascinating, brilliant, and inspiring, and I am always eager to find out more about foreign cultures! If you need any help regarding mythology/theology (basically anything there) or specific parts of history (ask!) feel free to message or ask me!

Stuff Regarding My Writing

I am an all-around speculative/weird fiction writer, though I am willing to try literally anything if the idea intrigues me enough. That being said, almost all of my work returns to horror eventually, as it is my beloved and my most faithful muse. Besides horror, some of my other favorite genres to write include dark fantasy, urban fantasy, historical fiction, noir, & cyberpunk.

My writing style itself is a mix of a more casual style with more complex words & obscure references mixed in. My work tends to be quite bleak & dark in content, as it started as a coping mechanism for my trauma, but I don't believe in grimdark stories and I work to make sure there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, however dim. There is also, very frequently, stylized and detailed gore & elaborate, over-the-top action in my work.

My writing takes a very psychological, character-driven bent at all times - I feel no shame in having simpler plots so that I can focus on the mindsets of traumatized and fucked-up people. Mental health is a primary focus in all of my writing, and I tend to feature antiheroes or legitimate villains as protagonists.

Black-and-white morals are a thing of fiction in my work - with the rarest of exceptions, I strive to discard "good and evil" as constructs entirely and write human beings instead.

I usually write female protagonists and/or protagonists of marginalized & underrepresented groups. Everything I write will have some LGBT people somewhere, it's a guarantee.

Thanks to my areas of study, I also write a lot about mythology & theology - good luck finding a single project of mine that doesn't sneak in a reference to some god somewhere, if not straight up including them. I also really enjoy ancient literature and will frequently incorporate references or quotes from older epics. Drinking game: Take one shot every time I reference Dante's Inferno in something (don't actually do this for your own safety)

While my settings & stories tend to be very fantastical, I always seek to ground them in reality as much as I can and give them a grittier feel - combat in my stuff is a lot less cartoony and a lot more focused on broken bones and bloody bodies. I also write HEAVILY about real-world politics with an explicitly leftist anarchist view, so if that's not something you're prepared to deal with, I'd advise you turn around now.

My Current WIPs...

Karma Killer (full post here) - Slasher, Psychological Horror. In the fictional mountain town of Lake Leer, Colorado, a bullied teen named Kora Lynch is driven to suicide, only to be saved by a wrathful goddess and given a kabuki mask and the ability to know anyone's sins with a mere glance. Indebted to her new lord, Kora takes up the name of "Karma" and begins tormenting the people who drove her to die - only to start losing herself and her ideals with every bloody body she leaves behind her.

The Serpents They Stone (full post here) - Mythological Urban Fantasy, Cyberpunk. In an alternate version of our world where gods lived alongside humankind and brought them to a new level of technological prosperity, the dreaded World Serpent Jörmungandr reveals herself to have survived Ragnarok while rescuing her villainous old flame, the Phantom Queen Badb. Quickly finding herself pursued by the entire world for the prophecy that promises she will end the world, Jörmungandr dedicates herself to saving Badb from the "Black Pharaoh" that enslaves her - even as Badb is forcibly driven to remain sinister and create chaos.

Miasma (full post here) - Historical Dark Fantasy. Based on the Anglo-Norman invasion of Ireland & the later Black Death, the island of Ériu is besieged by the foreign Anglii and their High King is killed. His daughter, Hail, dies with him, but she is resurrected by the serpent goddess Corchen with one objective - to kill King Godric across the ocean, no matter the cost. Her mission soon intertwines with that of a mysterious plague doctor's, who seeks to stop an oncoming plague - one that could spell the end of all life.

Short Story Masterlist

D.N.R. (Character study about BPD) (full story here)

Ghost (Dungeon-punk horror) (full story here)

rusted from the rain. (Folk horror) (full story here)