#I have 2 whole ass pianos

[dragon-chica]

I want to reteach myself to play the piano but the motivation to sit bundled up in a freezing overly crowded storage room with my phone propped up to try and recall how.

[fyzzyfuzz]

I skipped out on 80% of my school related work today and that somehow resulted in me now getting roped into writing an album…

Wat

[alllgator-blood]

'FOGGY STREETS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS'

(part 3/3)

I'm gonna infodump about the backstory of this comic, don't feel obligated to read it because it's not cotl related it's just personal stuff, I just want to be able to write about it somewhere cause I can't really talk to anyone about it.

As always, thanks for reading this far, sorry my stuff has been such a bummer so consistently. This comic goes out to all my "christmas induced depression" homies, I left my house maybe like ~5 times all month and it was NOT pleasant hearing "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!" on the radio when I'm so ready for it to be over. Gonna take it reaaaaal easy til the year ends, you guys take it easy too!! Got some asks I have to respond to when I'm more stable but probably no new comic pages til january

Alright uhhh so this part of the comic is pretty much taken directly from the last time I saw my great-grandma alive, a few days before christmas. She didn't remember me, but at the nursing home there was a piano, and I sat down and played some stuff because I didn't know what to say. I was really into lisa the painful rpg at the time, and I played that "I've got the joy" song that the villain sings without realizing it was an old christian campfire song. She didn't really say much or move that whole night, just kind of gave me a polite blank smile, but started singing the words when I played the notes to that song.

I kinda stopped in shock, my dad frantically asked me to keep playing, so I did. While the comic I made is way more sappy than the actual moment was, I wish I'd cherished the moment longer. I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Every family christmas was held at her house when she was around, so it's been weird the past few years. I actually lost another dementia-addled grandma to cancer on christmas eve in 2009, so the holiday was already kind of weird for me on top of everything else that makes me sad this time of year. That's what part 2 was about, I'll spare the details but I wrote leshy to act out how I felt back then. Why are we all sad? This is supposed to be a happy time, all the decorations are up and we're almost all here, so why is everyone smiling yet everything feels so wrong? I feel like since leshy's canonically the most ignorant one to things lurking below the surface, he'd be the one to try and make everyone feel better but not quite understand why everyone is so miserable. My first memory of having self injurious behavior came from then, hence why I had leshy pull his leaves off in the last comic. It was confusing and frustrating and I was just old enough to comprehend something was wrong, but not old enough to understand the depth of it, it DEFINITELY didn't help that nobody helped me back then so I made leshy's siblings actually come in clutch instead of grabbing him/yelling at him.

That night with the piano was something that's stuck with me the few years she's been gone, but I felt kind of strange when I asked my dad and my sister about it and neither of them remembered it. The room we were in was completely empty so nobody else witnessed it but us three. I myself have a history of head trauma and memory loss (plus, native americans are disproportionately more likely to develop dementia... lucky us) so if I ever forgot about that moment, there'd be nobody left to remember it. Sometimes when I do comics, it's my way of going "this happened at some point, and the only evidence it ever happened was me witnessing it, so if something happens to me I want the memory to stay alive in some form."

Anyway. The autistic urge to overshare, am I right? Idk what my religious ass great-grandma would think of me drawing demonic comics about my last memory of her, she'd probably think it's funny though cause she raised my dad whose interests have always been "death metal and devil worship". I'm not sure if anyone read this far, I just hope my dumb comics can convey the things I can't say with my voice and struggle to say through text. None of this was supposed to be "feel bad for me!! Woe is me!!", it was supposed to me more like...cathartic? Healing? I almost didn't post this comic because it felt kinda weird, but seeing people connect with it made it worth it imo. Thank you

[sofs16]

our leclerc win

continuation to a paddock day — next

yn

liked by charles_leclerc and 30 others

yn it’s charles day! i know im usually very unserious and goofy at times but lets be fr, charles is my other half. actually, he allows me to be me so basically he’s my whole being. ill say what everyone is thinking, i know people are like omg f1 driver! omg! BUT HE IS MUCH MORE THAN THAT! he burns pasta for a living (he’s learning atm), plays me beautiful songs on the piano im always blessed to hear, reassures me when things dont feel right, and everything in between that. i will always be behind you, charles leclerc. even if i have to find a job soon, i will be supporting you through a screen. i love you and it’s kind of stupid but i think youre the one for me. thanks for choosing me

view all 50 comments

landonorris Your love is disgustingly sweet but happy birthday mate🎉

charles_leclerc I love you so much. charles_leclerc 😘😘😘

charles_leclerc You are the one for me as wel, cherie❤️ [liked by yn] pierregasly Charles is crying on my shoulder

⤷ yn good

⤷ charles_leclerc 😂

october 16, 2023

yn

liked by charles_leclerc, and 35 others yn hot a$$ 💋

view all 37 comments

landonorris why not just say ass

⤷ yn because im manifesting money, dumbass

⤷ charles_leclerc Woah.

⤷yn dw baby, waldo lets me call him dumbass because he thought i was one of the development drivers and then got embarrassed and walked into a door

⤷ landonorris I THOGUHT WE WERENT TELLING ANYONE ABT THAT

⤷ yn 🤷🏻‍♀️ loyal gf 1st, human 2nd, lando friend 3rd.

⤷ carlossainz55 what about me, yn

⤷ yn ooooo . loyal gf 1st, human 2nd, carlos fan 3rd, lando friend 4th

⤷ landonorris EZCHSE ME

⤷ fernandoalo_oficial Hello Yn👋

⤷ yn NEVERMIND loyal gf 1st, fernando fan 2nd, human 3rd, carlos fan 4th, lando friend 5th

⤷ landonorris Wow.

⤷ yn but being human is loving lando norris so 🤷🏻‍♀️

⤷ landonorris My fav wag (unless i get a gf) 🧡

[liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, fernandoalo_oficial, yourbsf, and pierregasly]

november 16, 2023

yn

liked by charles_leclerc, and 18 others

yn WAHTTTT!!! first (and last of the season) day back at the paddock as A WAG. A WAG. ME?

view all 7 comments

charles_leclerc We’ve been dating 5 months, mon ange…

⤷ yn AND ILL NEVER GET OVER IT

landonorris Pretty!

⤷ charles_leclerc Norris. ⤷ landonorris AS A FRIEND MATE

⤷ yn YOURE SO CUTIE LANDO THANKS!!! yourbsf PROUD MOM ERA [ liked by yn ]

november 24, 2023

| kellypiquet has requested to follow you! 10m

| maxverstappen1 has requested to follow you! 2m

2 requests accepted!

yn.updates

liked by ynlover16, and 1,181 others

yn.updates After 5 months, Yn has gone public on Instagram and is now verified! view all 47 comments

ynlocer16 3RD RECENT LORD HAVE MERCY

⤷ charles.yn AHAHA CHARLES FIGHTING THE DRIVERS IN THE COMMENTS

charlferrari ALL THE CHARLES CONTENT 🥹 OUR QUEEN!!! lwymmdts THE BIRTHDAY POST LAST MONTH. november 24, 2023

yn

abu dhabi

liked by charles_leclerc, and 381,272 others

yn p1 in abu dhabi and in my heart @charles_leclerc ❤️ no longer lowkey wag 😞😞😞😞 plsxdont hate me i have humor

view all 161,181 comments

ynprix SHE SILLYYYYY LOVEU THANKS FOR GOING PUBLIC QUEEN

⤷ yn @landonorris SEE i AM silly! ⤷ landnorris SOMETIMES

charles_leclerc I love you 😘

chayn im crying i just scrolled thru all her posts and saw some charles’ comments 🥹

⤷ yn.fan unfortunately she archived a lot of them:( ⤷yn_edits @yn PUT EM UPPPP

⤷ yn sorry yall thats private 😞 maybe when both of us pass away together

chachaferrari STOP DOES THIS MEAN CHARLES LEARNED HOW TO MAKE PASTA

⤷ yn ;)

ynsart i love how active she is! she’s replying (or liking comments) to everyone, its so wholesome

[liked by yn]

yourbsf ALWAYS LOWKEY

⤷ yn preach sister

november 26, 2023

charles_leclerc

liked by yn, and 4,272,585 others

charles_leclerc i see you, amour @yn 🌦️

view all 1,172,588 comments

yn dang, i’ll be sneakier next time! [liked by charles_leclerc]

ynferrari She takes photos?!?

⤷ charles_leclerc She double majored and did photography 💞

⤷ yn_lovvv HE SOUNDS LIKE A PROUD BFFF

december 2, 2023

charles_leclerc

liked by 3,181,493 others

charles_leclerc i love them 🤍

view all 248,595 comments

ynstyle YN MET THE FAMILY?

⤷ yn shit my pants the whole flight but i love them

⤷ arthur_leclerc Yup, after you introduced yourself with a different name👍🏻

⤷ yn ARTHUR WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT LLEASE I SEESR TO GOD

⤷ charles_leclerc I quite liked the name changed

ynred i feel like she said yn leclerc. [liked by yn]

december 24, 2023

yn

liked by 172,484 others

yn BEFORE ANY OF YALL SCOLD ME. yes, i brought the pizza. but did i think he’d ask for it mid (climbing/hiking? i dont even know babes) NO!

view all 35,283 comments

leclerc_pascale oh mon dieu

⤷ yn JE SUIS DÉSOLÉ MAMAN, C’EST TOUT CHARLES! i’m sorry maman, it’s all charles!

⤷charles_leclerc j’ai un rêve. respect that, amour 😓 i have a dream. respect that, love

⤷ yn i respect that dream of eating in CERTAIN places but okay😘

yn1989 jesus how many languages does she speak

⤷ yn 7🤍

⤷yn1989 WHAT. WHICH ONES

⤷ yn german, italian, french, japanese, spanish, english, and icelandic! ⤷ yn1989 charles’ favorite number is 7 😭 you both are so cool

⤷yn IVE BEEN SAYING THIS AND HE ASKED ME OUT ON JUNE 3, 2023. 6(june)+3+2+2+3= 16. LIKE ARE U JOKING

⤷ landonorris @ charles_leclerc your girlfriend is actually crazy. She’s a crazy fan

⤷ charles_leclerc I love that about her though. All of her 💞

⤷ yn 🥲🙂 shaking. kicking my feet. biting my nails. screaming. ripping my hair out

january 14, 2024

chayn.updates

liked by yn, and 5,695 others

chayn.updates yn wearing one of charles’ polos in her recent post ;)

view all 492 comments

charleswife midddd. could literally be any polo..

⤷ charloss why are you actin like u have a chance bbg 😭 and ferrari and charles’ initials in on the bottom collar

january 18, 2024

charles_leclerc

liked by 8,707,606 others

charles_leclerc I usually do not post for birthday’s but the world needs to see my AMAZING photos of you (@ yourbsf)😘 Yn, meeting you has changed my life like no other. to the chef in our house, the singer, the one translating a lot of things for me, dressing me up, and “everything in between”, happiest birthday amour ❤️ I got my Leclerc win when I met you

view all 4,484,585 comments

yourbsf yn will lose her shitballs over this and IM THE BETTER PHOTOGRAPHER

lewishamilton Happiest birthday to the life of the grid! landonorris happy birthday smartass 🧡

⤷ yn thanks dumbass 😘

yn IM GOIN CRAYB

yn I DONT DESERVE YOU IM SHITTING MY PANTS WHSTVTHEFUCK

pierregasly Yn is born on the 16th too?!?

⤷ yn hehehehehe

daniel3.jpg I took that first photo👍🏻

leclerc_pascale ♥️je t’aime. joyeux anniversaire xx

⤷ yn merci maman! à bientôt 🥹🤍🤍🤍

[liked by leclerc_pascale, and charles_leclerc]

may 16, 2024

yn

liked by 1,282,182 others

yn life’s hectic as usual

view all 329,585 comments

landonorris what do you even do. im still so confsued

⤷ yn im a fulltime gf who sometimes goes to her job and takes pics and makes clothes 🤷🏻‍♀️

charles_leclerc yeux d’ ange

⤷yn 💌

charlie166 charles sent those flowers. bet all my money.

⤷yn mans be winning in imola and sending me flowers and sending me virtual kisses 💋

view all 117,383 comments

may 27, 2023

charles_leclerc and yn’s stories

replies:

pierregasly replied to yn’s story: Get a room

charles_leclerc replied to yn’s story: lovely photo of me baby🫤 thank you

yn replied to charles_leclerc’s story: damnnnn nice photo tnx babe. i look like a housewife

landonorris replied to yn’s story: EWWWWWW

carlossainz55 replied to yn’s story: Chill, yn. Breathe.

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #6: BREEZE BLOWS

(also on spotify!)

Welcome back… to Constant Companions Closeups…. a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions…

Last time, we talked about Cadmium Colors! Today, we're keeping the alliteration but moving back a letter in the alphabet! Breeze Blows, with Marcy Nabors and Marlow Jacobs!!

---

oh baby mental health

Last post, I mentioned as an aside that I have OSDD-1b - a kinda complicated diagnosis that is defined by not quite being Dissociative Identity Disorder but being similar enough. And obviously that's super reductive but I'm not an expert on this I just have brain peculiarities. I won't fully explain how this functions, or every intricacy of how I deal with it, but I can try to convey what it feels like.

My sense of self is comprised of parts. Not an exceptionally high number, but nonetheless distinct parts that fit together like puzzle pieces to make a full individual. They talk to and interact with each other, and most times it is one specific part that takes the lead while the others simply follow, but ideally, they all move in sync and work together.

This collaborative effort is relatively new and was an incredibly hard-fought state of being. For many years, it felt much more like there was just me and a bunch of nightmare voices in my head constantly lashing out violently!! My own inner monologue felt completely out of my control... and it ultimately turned out that it kinda was, but not for the reasons I thought.

Showing those voices kindness and starting a conversation was the big moment of revelation for me, that there was this whole other half of me that had been locked in a box for god knows how long. She was scared and lonely and just wanted to be understood, and really, that was all I wanted as well.

Writing these self-directed songs of love and companionship became a really important part of becoming 'whole', in some sense. Not that there are no more individual parts or anything!! Just that my inner monologue these days is far more of a conversation between friends.

...

Constant companions, if you will.

---

As a couple people have pointed out, this song is very much a counterpoint and companion piece to weathergirl, a song by my band FLAVOR FOLEY! Neither song was originally written with the intention of complimenting the other, but the parallels simply emerged naturally, and it only felt right to reinforce them. At 2:14 in Breeze Blows, you can even hear the icy little keys motif from weathergirl front and center!!

On that note, while I would love to make MVs for every song on the album, Breeze Blows is the one song I am dead set on putting out an MV for no matter what... A yellow, very natural aesthetic to contrast with weathergirl... ANRI in a sundress, fluttering in the wind and clutching her hands to her chest...

the fucking yuri...

Of course, this song was a collaboration with some other dear friends of mine, Marcy Nabors and Marlow Jacobs! We've been fastidious friends for freaking forever. Marcy, especially, has been with me through thick and thin - together, we've gone on road trips, worked on Homestuck music, bounced countless ideas off of each other, embarrassed ourselves in front of each other's parents, queued for probably a triple digit number of FFXIV instances, and of course, collaborated on some of my favorite music I've ever released. Not to discredit Marlow or anything!! These two are genuinely some of the coolest people I know, and I love them wholeheartedly. Hopefully we can play some mahjong again sometime so I can kick their asses and feel like I'm even a tenth as cool as them

Our initial ideas for this song came together while we sat at the piano at my parent's house, aimlessly banging out chords together while I left my phone recording on the other side of the room just in case. Ultimately, the voice memo barely sounds anything like Breeze Blows, because the process of translating things to MIDI on Marcy's laptop also introduced a lot of defining creative choices, but it's still at least amusing to hear.

Apologies and/or you're welcome for the shorter post this time around!! Thank you for reading regardless; If you have any more questions, I'd be glad to answer them below!! Tomorrow... we can grow so big.... (aggrandicize)

[7ndipity]

Dating Yoongi headcanons

Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: swearing, lil suggestive, not proofread.

A/N: Alright, if we're gonna do this series, then it's time we talk about my ult. The man, the myth, the meow meow(I'm sorry Yoongi)

(Also, I'm already planning a pt.2 for this series that's more on the crack side, so if anyone wants to send me headcanons for the members to possibly be included in future lists?)

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Dating Yoongi is comfortable.

So soft for you, I can't even begin. Like, I don't understand how people ever think he's cold, he is the epitome of soft boi.

Blushes when you complement or brag on him.

Turns into a scrunched up, spluttering mess if you call him cute(we love our tsundere).

Very cautious at first with his feelings, but once he feels comfortable enough to open up, he's very straight forward.

To call it dating is a bit generous though. Like, y'all immediately go from 'kinda dating' to 'married-but-not-married'.

Tells you he loves you for the first time in one of those long ass, 3am texts like he sends to the members.

Random,(half-)joking proposals(Marry me, Yoongi uno reverse card!)

"What kind of ramen do you want?" "Marry me." "Both it is."

So many songs about you, but you will not know until they're released(or he makes them into a playlist/mixtape for your birthday or anniversary)

Actually really hesitant about letting you in his studio(sorry fellow writers). He just prefers to have a level of separation between his work and you.

Dates are usually pretty chill(except for special occasions or when he wants to flex and rents out a whole fucking skating rink for y'all or smth)

Another who lives for domestic activities with you, like cooking together or even just grocery shopping. Idk, he just likes getting to be with you.

Probably would love going camping with you in one of those little camper vans.

Likes to teach you things?

I mean, he won't want to be your full time teacher, but if you show an interest in smth like piano or producing, he'll get a kick out of teaching you the basics.(let him teach you about basketball, he'll lose his gd mind)

Not big on nicknames(big shock🙄). Like, you have a perfectly good name, why not just fucking use it? Also calls you 'Jagi', but that's if he's feeling particularly soft or needy.

Acts of service King.

Have you eaten? He's making food. Are you cold? Makes you take his jacket. His top priority is making sure you're taken care of.

Gets lowkey jealous of Holly getting too much of your attention. "Yah, are you dating me or my dog?!"

Sass and bickering are basically a second language for you two.

Subtle about pda. If he's not holding your hand, he has to have one resting on your back.

SOMEONE HOLD HIS FUCKING HAND FOR THE LOVE OF-(sorry, I'm calm)

Not always vocal about wanting physical affection, but when he is, he's lowkey dramatic.

*laying on the couch*"If you don't kiss me, I'm gonna die." *kiss* "Better?" "Hmm, still in critical condition. Keep going."

Another who gets more than a little enjoyment in winding you up into a flustered mess, and is smug about it(again, shocking no one, I'm sure)

Slow, lingering kisses as he holds onto you like you're the most precious thing in the world.

Gets really quiet if you fight(and sulks), but is usually the first to apologize because he absolutely cannot stand y'all being mad at each other.

Holds you to go to sleep.

"Marry me." "M'kay."

Okay, that's enough delulu for right now, Imma go cry.

[inkskinned]

oh btw one of my favorite things to do when im having writer's block is to uh. get inspiration by. trying to translate something really stupid into poetry or prose. personally i like to see if i can 1. make funny jokes to myself, 2. keep the purple prose to a minimum, and 3. not make it obvious what i'm writing about. but like, these are my rules. you don't need em. the whole point is to relax.

one of the poems i wrote about my pokemon game got published. so did a piece about thanatos & zag from hades. i was recently able to start writing again bc i watched paul blart mall cop 2 and wrote a scene about a shadow man playing piano whilist paul gets his ass kicked in by a bird. i've written about how i used to be able to eat cheese. about how i burned my popcorn. whatever.

but - this is key - set a timer. do not write more than 5-10 minutes. i say this so so lovingly: you are not trying to start another fanfiction. you're not trying to write another book. you gotta stop thinking of your words as only being important if they necessitate longevity. sure, it might be a book later. but the point of this exercise is to have fun, not to get more stressed out bc everything u write "doesn't end". don't fuckin end it. clean it up if u love it. otherwise. like. keep writing about different dumb shit. it's literally so much more fun than forcing yourself to constantly write about stuff that "matters". nothing does, so like. everything does, kids.

[depression-pie]

Okay these ideas have NOT left my head so here’s two new Gravity Falls AUs inspired by @acerobot’s fanart of a Wandavision-esque Billford AU

The FIRST idea goes as follows:

Ford doesn’t stop working on the portal after Fidds leaves. He and Bill work together to take down the barrier around Gravity Falls, Bill putting together some half-assed excuse to justify why they would need to do it.

They get the portal started up and Bill starts the apocalypse, BUT he puts a new barrier around the town essentially shielding it from Weirdmageddon instead of containing it. He removes Ford’s memories of the betrayal, and since the town is safe from the chaos, Ford doesn’t realize anything is wrong.

So he and Bill have this little domestic life in their cabin in the woods, and he’s completely oblivious to the fact that outside the town is the end of the world.

But now Gravity Falls is considered somewhat of a safe haven for survivors, so people start moving there to get away from all the chaos, and Ford is reunited with his family, who immediately realize something’s wrong.

Will he realize what his husband’s been up to this whole time? Who knows

The SECOND idea is EVEN ANGSTIER

Because what if Bill trapped Ford in a fantasy bubble during Weirdmageddon. A fantasy version of Gravity Falls where everything is perfect, he’s not fighting with his brother, he’s still friends with Fiddleford, he has a perfect little family and a perfect husband and a perfect life.

And he doesn’t even question it, because the fantasy starts replacing his memories with new fabricated ones, fake memories of his perfect life with his perfect family.

Until Stan and the twins show up, and they’re terrified because they just witnessed Bill start a literal apocalypse and yet there he is, smooching it up with Ford of all people. And he acts like it’s all normal and fine, because to him it IS normal, but they all know it’s not.

Ford is confused why his family is acting weird, not realizing that they’re not the fake family he’s gotten used to, the fake Stan he talks to all the time, the fake Dipper and Mabel who are best friends with his fake kids.

And they almost want to stay too, because they want to live this perfect life, but they know it’s not real, so they do what they can to escape and rescue Ford.

And when they finally do burst the bubble, Ford is absolutely RUINED because he realizes it was all a lie, his perfect family, his perfect husband, his perfect kids weren’t real and he doesn’t know what to do with himself because he misses them.

Even though they’re not real he still has some of the fake memories, going on fake monster hunts with them, teaching them how to play the fake piano, watching them play with their fake friends and the fake Dipper and fake Mabel.

And even though it was all a lie he misses it and he’s heartbroken over the fact that, even though they were never real, he’ll never get to see that perfect family ever again.

And I’m sure when they face off against Bill, Bill tries to rope him back into it, promising to bring back their perfect family and their perfect life, promising that it could last forever if he gave up the equation.

And even after they defeat Bill he’s still plagued by dreams about that life, and he’s fucking ruined over it, and this ends one of two ways.

Ending 1: He finds out the kids from the bubble were actually child versions of the real kids that he and Bill had that he didn’t know about, and so he tries to create the relationship he should’ve had with them if Bill hadn’t kept them apart.

OR Ending 2: Like Mabel’s dream boys, the fake kids somehow survive the popping of the bubble (and even the closing of the rift), though they’re very confused about what happened, and Ford winds up finding them and taking them back home (though I don’t think he’d tell them what happened to Bill just yet).

Holy shit that was a lot of words. Can you tell which plot I’ve spent more time thinking about

Thanks @acerobot for inspiring this. This was all your fault

Also here’s what I think Cassie and Aaron (the kids) would look like if they were Dipper and Mabel’s age

[nicodrawings]

Dump time featuring Billie Morales aka Silly Billie

Update 2: oh! Also the first two illustrations are based on Yotsuba art!

Update: ok HC time, if you wanna know more keep reading as usual.

BILLIE SECTION

-I made Billie 5 years old.

-I’ve mentioned this before but Billie has Asperger’s.

-She didn’t talk until she was like 3 going on 4.

-Her nickname is "silly billy"

-Miles always says "how's my favorite girl in the whole wide world?" when he comes home from school on the weekends.

-Miles is a doting big brother and helps take care of her as well as connecting with her interests.

-As much as she loves her parents, she thinks the world of Miles. She's up under him the most, especially when she's over stimulated, stressed or sleepy. His heartbeat calms her.

-She has a limit to physical contact and taps when she’s ready to let go. She usually only hugs her family. Her and Ganke do hand touches instead of hugs.

-The family helps her navigate her environment and her emotions as well as socializing but never push anything that makes her uncomfortable. They always ask questions and have special routines to help her.

-A part of her routine is on Saturdays they go to the park so she can see the pigeons.

-Miles does not like pigeons, but tolerates them for Billies sake.

-They also have special songs for her like "🎶when you walk across the street take ur eyes off your feet🎶" to remind her to look both ways and pay attention when walking across the street since she can get distracted easily.

-The songs they use also attach her to music. So whenever they go to ganke he plays the piano for her and they make songs up and when she hears a song she likes she starts stimming and wiggling.

-She also takes interest in drawing because she sees Miles drawing and they draw animals and watch Steve Irwin on Saturdays too.

-She doesn't understand figure of speeches so if you say "don't sweat it" she would be like "...sweat what?"

-she doesn’t show a lot of emotions unless she’s feeling something intense.

-She rarely sees Miles in superhero mode in public but when she does she just goes “SPIDER!” and smiles and he waves at her.

-Moral of this story, she is loved.

HOBIE

-He lives with his grandparents in the Bronx area (I’m not sure which side yet tho).

-He loves his grandparents very much.

-One time at a punk rock concert a wise man told him “the most punk thing to do is to take care of yourself, don’t be reliant on the system to do so, cuz they ain’t”

-He told his grandpa the following day and they had a heart to heart about it considering that Hobie was very depressed at the time.

-So with that being said, health is incredibly important to him.

-Some ppl tease him and call him “straight-edge” but it don’t bother him much.

-Hobie officially meets the other spiders when he’s 16.

-Clicks with Gwen and Miles almost immediately.

-Especially Miles, Peter always jokes and says that they were definitely brothers in their past lives.

-Gwen and Hobie bond over music.

-Gwen gets the crush first.

-But unlike Miles she’s more forward and doesn’t wait a billion years so she’s asks him out.

-Hobie says yes.

-Only one that knows how to drive by the time he’s 18.

OTHER STUFF

-Gwen’s relationship with her father just…never gets better in my AU. He’s just an ass and as far as Gwen is concerned they’re not family, they’re just related. With that being said, although it’s never acknowledged, Gwen definitely sees Peter as a father figure in her life. She even has him as her top emergency contact. Peter started to understand this when she was 16, he never questioned it and sees her as his oldest daughter. When she’s had really bad arguments with her father she goes to Peters and spends the night.

-Peter and MJ’s home is open to all the spiderkids. No questions asked.

-Peter and MJ always say “On our taxes we have one kid” when people ask them how many kids they have.

-When Peter gets home he sees how many pairs of shoes are at the door then yells “how many kids are in the house?" They usually yell in response which gives him an idea as to how many kids are there.

-On average there’s no less than 2.

-One time he asked and a really deep voice responded along with the kids.

-It was Venom.

-All the spiders have their own therapist’s but every other weekend there’s a group therapy session for kids with powers funded by S.H.E.I.L.D. It’s not required that they go but it’s open for them regardless, just sign up and come in.

-Ganke donates some of his legos to the program and helps assist sometimes with running it since it’s not ran in the best shape.

-This connects to a bigger problem of helping hero’s with their mental health and stability, especially when they decide to retire.

-If you read the other AU list I had, this is the reason why Ganke switches his major to Social Work when he goes to college.

NICKNAMES

Peter’s nicknames for the kids:

Miles-“Junior/Little Man”

May-“Mayday”

Gwen-"Gwennie Pie”

Ganke-“Goober”

Hobie-“Hobie” (obviously)

Anya-“Ani”

Ganke’s nicknames:

Friends-“Gee” judge calls him “G-money”

Miles’s mom-“Honey”

Ganke’s mom-“Gee-Chan”

The boy that bullies him AKA Sean “Gay-ke”

Peter-“Goober” (as I’ve said before)

Venom and Eddie-“Boy”

Miles’s for when he’s feeling affectionate-“Cariño”

Anyway that’s all I got for now! If you have any questions about my AU please feel free to ask away. I love talking about it as you can see.

[homunculus-argument]

Been on somewhat of a spin about the subject recently but unapologetically continuing nonetheless. Anyway someone said that your love language is just what you lacked growing up. I was already grown when this happened, but back when I was working at the factory and still living at home, my sister (also an adult, also living at home, ~can't work~ because of the same mental illness that I had but hers was ~valid~ because her coping mechanisms were cuter than mine and I was obviously just being gross for no reason) wanted to play the piano and sing while I was sleeping.

My sister is semi-classically trained in singing. She could have gone pro or at least performed opera on stage had she pursued it. She's not bad with the piano, either, she's actually very pleasant to listen to, but I just want to stress that when she's singing in the living room, you can hear her from the street. Technical vocal skills required for being clearly audible over an entire opera house orchestra. That shit doesn't break glass but it sure can feel like it can shatter your ear drums. And she wasn't even singing opera, but blasting disney tunes, at the very reasonable time of 2 pm.

I was working night shift and had clocked out from work at 6 am, had almost fallen asleep at the wheel while driving home, and had still not managed to get to sleep before 9 or 10 am. And I was not entirely happy about having my sleep interrupted after 4-5 hours by Part Of Your World. My sister, insulted by this, argued that she lives here, too, and I can't demand that everyone should keep quiet during the day just because not fucking letting someone sleep is considered an act of torture and you are literally not allowed to treat prisoners of war that poorly.

Our mother, seeing that her grown-ass-adult-children are fighting again, opted to do as she always would, gently and calmly explaining to me that I can't just take the whole household hostage like that by demanding them to have any respect for me having actual physical needs that I will physically die if I'm not allowed to fulfill.

I woke up this morning at 5:47 am. My boyfriend was up. He hadn't drawn the curtains, he was quietly making himself breakfast, getting dressed and rustling about with only the dim bubble of light from his desk lamp. Because I was sleeping and he wanted to let me sleep.

[tookthe-405]

VBS

Chapter 2: Damage gets done ~ hozier (MY LOVE)

DAILY CLICK🍉 DONATE ON

LINKS🇵🇸 GOFUND.ME!!

a/n: again, sorry this took so long, life’s been stressful but I hope y’all like it <33 its long af tho

this is honestly just me messing around with happiness and then destroying it soon 😍

c/w: smut in future chaps!!, religious trauma, internalised homophobia, religious manipulation/abuse, implied abuse by parent

summary: you grew up religious without questions and in summer you would get send to vacation bible school. The camp always felt like prison to you, until a very interesting girl appeared.

7/22/2007 (sunday, week 1)

Readers pov:

10:02 a.m

The faces of the others were frozen as you trudged back to the hostel, which you couldn't blame them for. You don't see two girls with wet clothes here every morning, and the fact that you had to walk past the dining room to get to the stairs didn't exactly help you stay inconspicuous.

You and Ellie lost track of time a bit and were already too late when you noticed that breakfast had already started. The dining room doesn't really have a single door, the room was just completely open with no wall or door that could have protected you from being seen.

Giggles and agitated whispers immediately started as Ellie walked past the large room and down the corridor. Pastor Tobias' eyes pierced into back of your head as you walked past the hall.

Ellie found it all very entertaining and waved to a group of people who greeted her back with a laugh.

You, however, couldn't meet anyone's gaze, not your friends and certainly not Pastor Tobi's.

With your head bowed and your wet hair hitting your red cheek, you quickly fidget past all the spectators.

After 2 days, the events came dry from the lips of the people and you and Ellie could walk through the halls with a little less shame.

Or at least you did.

Ellie didn't think the whole thing was so bad. She said she didn't care and that it was worth it. That you hadn't done anything wrong, and she was right, you hadn't done anything bad.

But guilt was beggingly nibbling at your skin, hoping to be let into your brain where you would make up some fucked up mistake.

The singing of the choir and hazel next to you make it a little harder to think about all this, but not impossible. With your luck, you might dream about it. The whole scene in front of you, is so familiar that it feels like you are timely. The many children of different ages who sing their souls out to be enough.

Some of them are also really good, and some are good and love to sing. But they will probably not get any further than your little congregation, because it was explained to you from an early age that those talents you own are there to serve God and only him.

Acting out of free will would make you feel too guilty.

Your gaze rushes behind a shoulder to Ellie, and even she sings with it. Ellie seems to have made friends with a group of boys and girls a few days ago. She fits in pretty well, everyone looks like they don't feel like being here.

The short-haired girl catches your eyes and winks at you slightly, which makes you grin. She's so inserious, it's to laugh sometimes. With the same grin, she makes a small movement with her fingers and hands that looks as if she is composing something on an invisible piano. You understand that she just wants to tease you and show her a guitar-playing gesture.

"Don't do that!"

The hissing in your ear scares you, and you shake together briefly. After you have stretched your body forward again, and your shoulders feel like wooden boards, you give Hazel an apologetic look.

She unobtrusively holds a finger to her lips instead of telling you to shut up.

But her look is not as angry as she sounded, she admonishes you to stay out of trouble and you have to admit, that has often saved your ass.

When you were smaller, you wanted to try out almost everything, whether it was because of your quick trust in other people or because you just hated yourself too much to have any self respect left, no matter what it was, it almost messe up your life. Or rather your social life in church. And Hazel was like a warning hand that pulled you back again and again, saving yiuin the last moment.

When the piano music ends quietly and slowly, everyone sits down again, and a squeak sounds through the room. The piano that is played on every morning is old, but still sounds quite good. You could play all the hillsong songs and the old ones of your grandparents with your eyes closed if you had to, but Tanja does a good alternative job for you.

Your mother liked it so much, when the piano was played in the service that she thought it would be all the more beautiful if her daughter sat up there.

"Good morning everyone"

The older pastor leans against his narrow pedestal with the large cross on front and looks slowly through the rows.

"Personally, I find that 2 days are enough to get used to a life in nature and among themselves with God" he sighs tired for a short time as if he is already disappointed about something.

"Tomorrow you will go to the city with your assigned room partners and grou leaders and spread God's word”

Groaning resounds around in the room, most of pre teens who would rather do anything else than talk to strangers in the summer heat. Your group also has less desire, but this happens here every year like a kind of tradition, so you've been preparing for it.

"Not only that! The kitchen also prepares candied apples, which you can then all hand out nicely together!"

That was new. However, you understand the purpose behind it, you would also like it more to sit and listen here with a candied apple. In recent years, so many people have slammed the door in front of your nose that a few apples can't be bad.

"Hey girls" Louisa's voice makes you all look over your shoulder.

She kneels in front of you to be able to whisper better and more inconspicuously.

"You have kitchen duty this afternoon, please don't forget it and don't plan anything"

you all nod in Union.

"fuck"

"Kate!" Admonished hazel.

"What? It always takes like what? 2 hours?-"

"2 hours and 46 minutes" you improve her.

The four girls look at you confused.

"I stopped time last year out of boredom"

hazel grins at you, you twist your eyes but there is also a soft smile on your lips. You know exactly what's going through her head.

'That's so weird but just too sweet'

"I can't even remember the last time" murmurs naveah dreamy, her gaze rigidly on the ceiling.

"Probably because it was so traumatic that your brain simply deleted it for you" Kate dramatically her index finger against her head.

"It wasn't so bad, Kate exaggerates."

"I don't"

"my legs hurt all day"

Kate's and Mia's voices roll over and you smile. Hazel looks at you questioningly. You gambled with your shoulders.

"2 hours and 46 minutes Hazel..."

the girl shakes her head and her brown curls fall around her face a few times. "I thought it was okay"

Kate snorts. "Haze you would walk around in underwear in the snow if it happened in the name of the church."

"You wouldn’t?

11:38 a.m (sunday, week 1)

Three. You got 3 soccer balls shot in your face within 1 hour. You're not surprised that one of them was from Caleb, but the other two were shot by the same pretty black-haired girl, and it didn't look like she was sorry.

"What the…"

You stare at her and Caleb's backs during the water break and hope that it was just a coincidence, even if deep down you know that it wasn´t.

"Does he still not like you?" Naveah, sweating, picks up her water bottle while her eyes wander from time to time between you and Caleb.

You shrug, now more focused on Caleb fooling around with some guys.

The air in the gym was incredibly thick and almost unbearable, but the leaders still talked you into a soccer match. It was more or less Hazel's decision anyway and you guys do everything she does. The high windows let in the warm sun, whose heat wasn't particularly welcome right now.

The teams are mixed, meaning there are boys and girls on the same teams, aged 16 to 18. There weren't many, but enough to at least form 2 fair groups with even a few substitutions on the bench.

Ellie is nowhere to be seen , which doesn't surprise you, you regret ever saying yes to this, but you miss her in the disgusting, sweaty, narrow air. Her presence and her funny jokes would have been the only thing that could have made this a little less shitty.

"What's the deal with him anyway?" Naveah doesn't seem to let this go.

"We just don't like each other, that's just how it is sometimes."

She frowns.

"I don't think you can hate each other so much without a reason."

"I don't hate Caleb, I don't really care about him"

Naveah lets out a snort.

"Damn didn't know you could be a little bitchy too"

Caleb turns briefly in your direction and you take that as a sign to turn away and finally sit down for the next 8 minutes. Naveah does the same.

“I think everyone can be a little bitchy, you can’t like everyone and everything”

“Jesus could”

“Well im not Jesus”

she stretches her legs out next to you and sighs deeply.

"I know, even if this doesn't sound good, I sometimes find the principle of the church really fucked up. I try to love everyone, even people who do bad things to me, but it doesn't always work."

You're very surprised that she comes to you with this, but now that she did, you want to give her the best comfort you can.

"That's okay, naveah. We're neither God nor Jesus, we can do some things and we can't do some other. And we find a lot of things difficult. So Hate who you want"

naveah laughs and then becomes creepily serious again.

"Thanks, since you became friends with Ellie, you seem more relaxed to me."

Thinking, you try to remember your life before Ellie, but you can't. Before that everything was much more colorless, it didn't make as much sense as it does now.

"yes, I guess"

"no matter what Hazel says, you're right, Ellie isn't bad. How can a bad person make someone else this happy?"

12:24 p.m (sunday, week 1)

You haven't heard from Ellie all morning. It was almost as if she had completely disappeared, and if you're honest, you've had the feeling for a while that one day, she would just run away from here.

You wouldn´t hold it against her, but you would still feel dejected and left behind.

naveah and you talk a lot more after the game, she's more like you than you thought and you think she's good company. She understands your humor and you don't feel stupid or judged after every sentence you say.

It often happens to you that you wish for a world and reality in which it was always so easy to live. Where not every breath you take feels wasted.

You try very hard not to think about Caleb or your siblings back home. Homesickness seemed to catch up with you sooner or later anyway, but you didn't expect it to happen so quickly.

The summer heat was bearable, but it was still uncomfortable, so you spent most of your time indoors. Shortly after 12, Naveah suggested playing a few rounds of Uno with you, and since there was nothing better to do, you agreed.

"My father taught me uno, I can still remember that"

there is a very faint smile in her voice that touches your ears. She sounded a bit sad, as if she´s mourning that time of her life.

"I don't know your father at all"

you put a wish card on top of the pile of other cards. One round probably turned into a few.

"He's not really a christian, sometimes I think that's why he is the way he is"

"What do you mean?"

"He has a lot of emotions, he doesn't know what to do with them."

Christian parents are often very strict, as there are many rules in both parenting and the Bible that you have to follow. But since Naveah is talking about her atheist father, you don't really have a picture of what she really means, both your parents are religious.

"I don't understand exactly what you mean naveah…"

half of your brain is focused on the girl in front of you and the other half on the cards on the floor. Naveah moved around a little to sit down a little more comfortably, but this position didn´t seemed to free her from the emotional discomfort.

"Sometimes he doesn't know where to put all the anger. My mother doesn't help much with that either. Both of them know how to provoke each other, but only one of them knows how to deal with feelings."

"I still don't know what you mean? How does that affect you and your fathers relationship?"

It seems absurd to you how you talk about something like that while you're playing Uno, but if that's what she needs.

"Girls, lunch is ready and then you have to rinse off."

Louisa's voice flashes through the room and everyone moves quickly, but you make a mental note to talk to her about it later. You walk at a slow pace down the hallway and the other girls just rush past you. You remember how easy everything seemed to you at that age.

On the second floor you meet Jonathan.

“Hey you got wash up duity, don’t you?”

A dramatic groan leaves your mouth and you nod.

Joanthan is nice. You know his parents very well and you both grew up together as often as you saw each other at school and he was one of the only boys who wasn't interested in bullying girl for fun.

"Are you in the same room with Samuel?"

“Samuel and Austin, luckily”

You nod in understanding and see your group of girls whizzing past you out of the corner of your eye. Hazel turns to you briefly and gives you that grin and suddenly you know exactly what's going on here. An unpleasant feeling spreads through you and you try hard to ignore it.

"yeah… it's nice that you're still friends"

"I can't believe how long I've been able to put up with these two"

You giggle a little bit uncomfortable and think about the many pranks the three boys have pulled off. Both here in the camp and at school.

“Have you planned any new pranks?”

"hmm I don't know if I can tell you that" Jonathan grins at you.

"Well, if I hear something about a prank, I know who it was."

He shrugs and chuckles softly.

"Do you know what you're planning to do after the summer holidays? Now that we've finished school." you ask him.

He doesn't seem so sure about his answer.

"Not really, I don't know yet whether I want to stay here or go further away. Samuel wants to study in new york, I feel a bit left behind"

left behind. You know the fear of that as well.

"No matter what you decide, you have a future everywhere, time goes by either way"

he smiles at you and combs a few thick curls out of his face. You notice that he's looking at you longer than necessary.

"Hey would you like-" "Jesus where are they?"

You try strenuously to find Hazel's brown curls over the many people's heads, but they are nowhere to be seen.

"Sorry Jonathan, I have to find the others before they can no longer manage to save a seat for me."

you lie coldly to his face.

Without any further words, you quickly march through the many groups. You can feel his confused look burning at your spine, but whatever he wanted wasn't what you wanted.

You notice two things in the dining room.

Luckily Hazel secured a spot for you and Ellie is talking to the girl who shot a fucking ball at you. Twice.

Ellie's face seemed neutral, she was smiling slightly.

Jealousy overcomes you and you´re embarrassed at how quickly and unexpectedly it happens. Your cheeks redden and you feel very immature, like in middle school when you were mad that Hazel had other friends besides you.

You sit down in silence next to Hazel, who has already placed a plate at your place. Some pureed vegetable soup that you have to force down.

"What did Jonathan want?" Kate leans forward eagerly.

Unexpectedly, Jonathan is a good distraction for once.

"You're being so childish"

"Come on, we're just curious"

That's how it was always with the boys. No matter what people say, Christian girls are obsessed with boys, no matter how much the feeling of guilt trys to destroy that. For many, boys even come before God in terms of interest.

Not necessarily boys, but more the romance itself. The acceptance and recognition of being enough for a man.

Your eyes flick to Ellie, who is still talking to her about something seemingly funny. Of course you don't care.

“He didn’t want anything from me and even if he did it i would not care.”

1:14 p.m (sunday, week 1)

You are just waiting to be let into the kitchen. It's nothing unusual to take on kitchen duty in camp. It's a kind of thank you from the church to the kitchen for cooking warm food every day. Every girl's room gets a turn twice a year. After the girls' rooms have all been through to the second time, there are two more boys' rooms so that it doesn't get unfair. Ironic isn´ it?

Every year it's the same, every year you can hear the boys crying and complaining when they're the ones who have to do it this year. Now was your day where you have to wash 200 dishes. The staff and managers involved.

Ellie isn't here yet. She can't really have forgotten it, Louisa reminded her not to do anything between 1 and 3 p.m. this morning.

"Okay girls, then let's get to work."

Lousia opens the door to the kitchen a little too enthusiastically with her key and everyone follows her limply. It's the same place with the same number of dirty dishes.

Washing the dishes yourself isn't that bad for you, it's the fact that this kitchen is so damn dark.

For some reason there are only 3 windows in the white, old room. The tiles on the floor are already old and a few edges have broken off, the potholes were noticeable on the sole of your slippers. It still smells like soup and detergent and you wonder who would want to spend hours doing something like that.

“Here” Hazel hands you gloves and an apron.

"Sorry I'm late" Ellie stands in the doorway, panting, looking for Lousia's gaze, but it still stays on you.

"Hey" she smiles at you… shyly?

You smile back and pull the apron over your head.

"Ellie… please don't let this happen again."

“I promise it won´t”

Hazel also hands her the things and Ellie doesn’t hesitate for a second. You're a little surprised that she showed up at all, but she seems a bit inergic to you.

"Okay, we'll divide into 3 groups and one will rinse while the other dries and puts thw dishes away," you almost order the others.

You grew up with a very tidy mother and a big sister, you know a lot about tidying up and organization. That's why no one hesitates and does what you said.

"I wanted to talk to you all day"

Ellie's rough voice loops into your right ear and you quickly grab the dishes and a sponge as a distraction and start to rinse.

"I'll rinse you dry"

Ellie seems surprised to have to pick up a plate but does as you say.

"Everything okay?"

What bothers you is how easy it is for her to read you.

“Yes, everything is perfect”

“It doesn’t seem like it?”

"That's your self Ellie?"

"Did anything happen?"

"No"

"Did I do something?"

"Ellie!"

You say her name a little loudly and Mia, who is standing across from you, turns to you briefly and smiles encouragingly at you.

No, that is completely wrong. You shouldn't be mad at Ellie, you should stand by her, she could be in distress or something.

You direct your gaze again, an embarrassing blush on your face.

As strange as it sounds, Ellie really looks beautiful in an apron. Her soft curves, her forearms that show off her fair, freckled skin and the black ink of her tattoo. She always has to pull up her sleeves no matter what she does.

"I just had a bad day okay?"

You take the next plate.

"Her name is Ruth"

Ruth. you imagine how the name would feel on your tongue, how it would taste. How it would taste on Ellie's tongue. Shaking, you banish the thought because the thought of a sentence where both Ellie’s tongue and taste appear, seems too dangerous to you.

"I didn't ask that"

"You didn't have to"

Nobody speaks for 10 minutes, there is complete silence. Your thoughts rush from one corner of your brain to the other. You didn't want to argue with her, you didn't want to be anything other than hers.

soon you realize that you have no right to be angry with Ellie. She can talk to whoever she wants. Strangely enough, it also seemed to make a certain amount of sense for Ellie that you were angry.

You Wonder why.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs next to you, a wet glass in her hand.

"You don't have to be, you didn't do anything, Ellie."

Your anger subsided, and your longing for Ellie's soft, warm voice grew.

"I haven't paid any attention to you all day."

"You don't have to-"

"But I want to. As often as I can."

Sometimes you think that she doesn't even notice what she's actually saying to you. That she's in a trance and doesn't even notice what's falling over her lips. How vulgar her allusions are, and how good they feel.

You turn around briefly, but no one seems to have heard.

"It's okay, don't worry about it now."

"I really am sorry though." Her hand rests gently on your back, but doesn't quite touch you. it is the gesture itself that counts here, but you can't help but think of her soft skin, of her many freckles that are certainly not only on her face.

"I know. Me too, I shouldn't have acted around like that"

her face shows how happy she was with the situation and you smiled too.

"I like your hair. It's really pretty braided" she whispers

her hands sadly turn back to the dishes and your gaze remains stuck to her for a while. But how could you not? who would ever want to look away from her?

"what did you want to tell me?" you ask her.

"how do you know that I want to tell you something?"

"you get really fidgety when you want to talk about something"

you notice so many things about her. how her leg fidgets slightly, how she keeps having to change her position and shifts her hips from left to right, how she bites her cheek, sometimes too hard.

"um... I had an idea"

"Ellie, no-"

"I haven't said anything yet"

the running water covers your voices, luckily, and no one notices.

"We're handing out these apples tomorrow and I thought to myself-"

you give her another glass and look into her soul.

"That's stupid and we're not 10 anymore, Ellie, what makes you think of something like that?"

Ellie takes the glass slowly and carefully, not breaking eye contact with you. Her eyes look hurt.

"Please explain it to me" you try to make your voice softer, more trustworthy.

"I don't want to be here. You don't understand, you're here every year and people love you. There's something wrong with me and I'm reminded of it every fucking day, I just want to show him what it's like to be treated like that"

you could hear the tears in her voice. You noticed early on with your brother that some people just don't cry, or at least don't like to. They express their tears differently, with Ellie it's her voice.

Her voice shows how she's feeling just as clearly as tears would have.

The kitchen is divided into two compartments. One is where they cook and the other is where they put the dirty dishes and clean them.

"How are we even supposed to get into the kitchen? And how do we know that they haven't already put the glaze on the apples? We don't know anything, Ellie-"

"Jesse's mother is volunteering to help in the kitchen. He said that he needs to help his mother to candy the apples this evening. But before that we can make a few changes."

Your mouth is slightly open. She has really thought this through. You hand Ellie another glass and stare at the door at the end of the room. No chance of her just getting in there. Louisa is a very nice manager but even that wouldn't gat an approve of her.

"How are we even supposed to get in there?"

CLINGGG

a high, loud noise bounces around in the air and you flinch so much that it hurts.

"fuck"

"oops" Ellie grins at you slightly after she has dropped the glass, you gave her to dry, on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, god I'm so clumsy"

Ellie gives you a whole scene, in which you don't have to do anything but hold back a laugh.

"Louisa, forgive me, it just fell out of my hand"

the other girls have to hold back a giggle too, even Hazel.

Ellie's high, dramatic voice sounded bad like a dying cat, but once again you were impressed by how daring she is.

"Yeah, yeah Ellie, clean that up. The broom is in the storage room"

Louisa presses the many keys into Ellie's hand and doesn't seem at all surprised.

"Thank you very much sister" for a moment you thought she was bowing.

„we’re not catholic Ellie-“

„But Mrs. I don't know where the storage rooms are"

„And I’m not married“ Louisa sighs

"Shit Ellie, I'm kinda enjoying this"

Kate grins at her and Ellie winks as Louisa gives Kate a warning look.

Ellie puts a strong, secure arm around you.

“Please accompany her”

Louisa waves her hands in the air between you two

“Sure” you reply like a robot

Ellie's arm pulls you towards the exit door and almost slams it behind you.

"first we ruin the glaze, then we can get the broom from wherever that was"

"in the storage room"

"whatever"

There are two doors to the kitchen. One that is in the washing up room and connects the two rooms and another that leads directly to the kitchen. The other entrance can be taken through the dining hall, and that's where you headed.

"if the pastor sees us, we're dead, Ellie"

you walk quickly but are still careful when you go around corners.

"I know, I think he wants to hang me on a scarecrow, I had a dream about that recently-"

you grab her arm and shove her back behind a safe corner.

"phillip"

"who the fuck is Phillip"

you press Ellie lightly against the wall because you are sure that sometimes she can't control her body properly. you peek around the corner slightly and see the orange hair.

"He's like the pastor's right-hand man, his best friend is also his roommate and his assistant."

"Pastors can have roommates?"

The orange spot at the end of the hallway slowly disappears like the light of a car on a dark night. This time you go first and Ellie follows you like a dog, she is also much quieter.

You feel 6 years younger and you like doing something you've never dared to do. Otherwise it was always the boys who played pranks and even though you never admitted it, you were always jealous.

Jealous of the freedom to behave like an asshole and not face any consequences. You wanted to have that laugh, that bond of having done something wrong together and to experience the big drama afterwards. To be praised for having done it.

"Shit, you like this, don't you?"

How can she read you so well?

"No!"

When you get to the door you stare at her knowingly.

"Yes you do, you're not as good as you always act doll. And I mean that in the best way possible"

"You're full of shit Ellie"

you let her pass you and the green eyed girl hastily tries to find the key.

"hey" you calmly touch her quick hands.

"calm down. don't stress Ellie"

her cheeks redden and her hands slow down.

"i really can't find it. fuck do you even have the key to the kitchen as a group leader?"

out of instinct you pull the door handle to use the key and the door opens.

"That was easier than i thought-"

Ellie puts the keys in her back pocket and carefully sticks her head into the kitchen. you keep watch so that no one walks by and tells on you. you quickly scurry after Ellie into the empty, warm room and smell the sweet air of the apples.

"the door has a fucking window" Ellie whispers in your ear and points at the door from where your friends are cleaning dirty dishes, the door that leads to Louisa who Is waiting for her keys.

goosebumps spread across your arms and legs and you are not sure if it is where Ellie is or the chance of being thrown out of the camp.

as you stand in front of the big pot you both breathe in out of reflex.

"It smells good, I even feel a little bad about ruining it"

Ellie watches the bubbling bubbles a little dreamily.

"Isn´t that actually vandalism?"

you ask thoughtfully.

Ellie almost laughs out loud and puts her hand over her mouth. You grab her arm and press even harder against her mouth so that she is really quiet.

"No, that isn't really vandalism oh my god you are innocent"

"Wow thanks Ellie, it was so enlightening"

you spend a while looking in the kitchen for something that might taste good and after a while Ellie finds vinegar that is probably decades old.

"that is so disgusting, remind me not to eat any of it"

Ellie's look confirms that somehow you'll have to eat it anyway.

"it will noticeable if we don't eat anything, just a small bite"

"Ellie what the fuck" you massage your temples with your thumb and watch her open the vinegar.

"not too much, okay?"

"yeah yeah"

In the end she used almost half the bottle to make it really gross. for an "extra reaction" she said. In the end you almost got caught by the pastor's right hand. In the end Ellie held your hand for exactly 4 seconds.

It was impressive how those 4 seconds stayed in your head for hours.

INTERACT WITH ONE OF THE LINKS UP THERE

Please post and repost a lot about Palestine especially right now. The videos shock me to my core and are really disturbing but people live these lives, these are children of someone. Please take your focus on the people in Palestine who are going thru hell. Help where you can

I really hope you liked this chapter, I will upload more after focusing more about palestine so it might take a while! Btw SO SORRY ITS THAT LONG

Taglist: @elliewilliamgfooc @bready101 @a-little-bit-of-everybody @vqxen @hersuniverse @nelzooo @shiimer @bellaramseysgirlfriend @sonthingwithl @vi0lentb3rry @elliewilliamsblunt @be3flow3r @adelaide013 @abbysbraids @mourningdovee

[roosterm3attrash]

101 ways to kill Barney Calhoun

I ended up making this list by going through multiple servers and people so here cuz I found it in my phone notes

Anyway the brilliant minds of the half-life fandom

1.) Waited pressure plate with tnt under it

2.) im going to leave mines under his mattress

3.) i’m setting a rake on his floor so he steps on it and whacks his face

4.) I'm giving him a bomb disguised as a cigar

5.) barney death 3: he ate what elvis presley ate….

6.) I would kill Barney Calhoun by slapping him so hard on the ass that it gives him cardiac arrest

7.) I drop him onto a pit of venomous snakes

8.) Im going to give Barney a beer but instead of beer it will be filled with deadly neurotoxin

9.) “now gordon, ive been keepin an eye out on this combine hideout for a while. they seem to walk in a certain pattern when crossing over to the entrance, which makes me think theyve buried mines all over the place. now, ive memorized the pattern, so im just gonna sneak on over, and you follow my lead, alright? dont worry, i know exactly where all the mines are.” and then he explodes

10.) that one episode of sponge bob where he eats the exploding pie and explodes

11.) set up tripwire then he falls into a tiger pit

12.) I type kill npc_barney into console

13.) slap the boobies off his chest so hard them fly around the world and hit the side of his head like water balloons

14.) i could marry him and slowly feed him mercury over a span for 3 years until he dies of mercury poisoning

15.) He tries to become a wwe wrestler but gets killed in a freak accident mid match

16.) I would kill him by making him a pizza but it’s covered in big chunks of lead but it’s hidden in the sauce and it’s a Chicago style pizza

17.) bring him to a highway and kiss him so hard he gets knocked onto the road and gets ran over

18.) Peeling him apart by the dna strand and eating it like spaghetti

19.) barney gets trampled by a stampede of horses

20.) giving him under the counter off brand viagra

21.) put him in a washing machine and turn it on

22.) shark attack

23.) pit of sharks

24.) barney gets criticized so badly he dies

25.) barney sits in an uncomfortable chair for too long

26.) He gets his arm caught in a bear trap w a beer used as a lure

27.) HE BECOMES THE CAT THAT TRAUMATIZED HIM. HE….YKNOW…..

28.) he gets stuck in a swimming pool like hes in the sims and dies from getting exhausted and drowning

29.) barney roasting marshmallows but his stick ignites into flames and he burns to death

30.) ATTACH SO MANY BALLOONS TO BARNEY HE FLOATS AWAY INTO THE SKY NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN

31.) barney gets rejected by gordon and he gets so sad his body shuts down

32.) I kiss him so tenderly on the lips that he melts into a puddle and dies

33.) i throw him in to a volcano so that he melt into a puddle and dies

34.) "I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives…I’ll smash it with a hammer!"

35.) stick a bottle of beer into his throat, the whole bottle

36.) give Barney Calhoun a beer can full of poison

37.) hang a piano over the toilet and wait

38.) i think barney should have his spine ripped out through his mouth

39.) he goes to a bar and tries flirting with the bartender and the bartender takes out a shotgun and kills him on the spot

40.) punch him so hard in the penis that he shatters like a brittle glass

41.) bite him in half

42.) I'm grinding him in a giant shredder

43.) bro took a bath in hot mac 'n cheese

44.) i put him ina giant caldron full of water and i begin boiling him down to gelatin and broth

45.) barney accompanies the crew to the borealis and he steps over thin ice and gets dunked into the below zero water and freezes to death

46.) barney calhoun gets carried away by a tornado

47.) took barney on a vacation to Hawai’i and pushed him into a volcano

48.) He dies and he's never mentioned again and nobody cares

49.) died of tummy ache

50.) Stepped on by a strider

51.) shrinked until he disappeared completely

52.) blasted into the sun

53.) Stab him with 300 pencils made with real lead

54.) slip and falls and dies

55.) put him into a Minecraft furnace

56.) Barney ignores the wet floor sign and slips and cracks his head

57.) while swimming in the swimming pool he swims to fast and smashes his face against the pool's wall

58.) he gets a concussion and drowns

59.) i want to put him through a lunchmeat slicer

60.) He falls off a dumb huge cliff

61.) he lives his life to the fullest and at his deathbed at age 93, June 29th, 6:12 am he passes away

62.) he eats a burgie with too much grease and gets a heart attack

63.) testicular cancer

64.) He should get sucked into a fan while trying to fix it at Black Mesa and literally no one comes looking for him

65.) The Pita Bread Room

66.) slipped on a Banana peel

67.) ran over by a crap ton of shopping carts rolling down the hill

68.) barney overheats in a fursuit

69.) he has sex so bad that he dies

70.) Barney dies because i fucking kill him with a shovel 🖕

71.) barney eats the gas station sushi

72.) barney faints via twirling around and holding his hand in front of his forehead, and then slowly lying down with a flower in his hands to indicate death

73.) When they turn off the suppression fields he just blows up

74.) barney gets crushed by a giant boulder thats all i got son

75.) barney goes to the beach that makes you old

76.) His head spontaneously combusts and pops like corn

77.) erectile dysfunction

78.) we should also have him get carbon monoxide poisoning

79.) barney gets gaussian blurred into nothingness

80.) he eats 20 year old expired mcdonalds burger and contracts the worst case of food poisoning youve ever seen

81.) Have we done tying him to a train track like a damsel

82.) he dies in a glue trap

83.) barney develops lactose intolerance over the years of combine occupation and he drink milk and then dies from shitting hinself to death

84.) he should chocke on his favourite food

85.) barney gets lead poisoning from a 1990s garfield glass mug

86.) he chokes on plastic

87.) barney gets thrown throw a glass window from a 15 story building

88.) gordon gives barney a wedgie so bad that he splits in half and dies

89.) gordon and barney divorce and barney dies from heartbreak

90.) alyx and gordon have enough of barney’s snoring so they smother him in his sleep with a pillow

91.) he trips while walking with gordon and impales himself on gordons crowbar face

92.) if he were the size of an ant he'd be ok instead he blows up like a watermelon and his remains are fed to lamarr by a very delighted kleiner. he fucking hated barney

93.) dog roughhouses with barney and accidentally obliterates his spinal cord

94.) barney gets poisoned to death by his own chumtoad

95.) coats him in eggs and flour and fries him

96.) snatched by a hawk and eten alive

97.) barney gets to participate in a danganronpa killing game and gets executed

98.) barney opens the love-letter-for-you.txt.vbs file and it kills him

99.) elaborate rube goldberg machine to drop an anvil on barney

100.) barney dies in an Iron Maiden

101.) we should put barney under those old timey stone tablets meant to squish and torture people and make them talk

[ryemackerel]

I saw all your eddsworld playlist and DAMN i love em so much, my favourite is perhaps the eddmatt one cuz it gives so many chill vibes i kinda always listen to it when I have to do homework or draw, but now i wanna ask for a polysworld playlist!

I SWEAR I AM HEALTHY ABOUT EM

OH MY GOODNESS YAHAYAYAHAYYY DUDE DUDE I’m so happy you like my playlists AHHH <333 It means a lot to me, thank you so much!!!

[Infodump section because I swear I’m about music]: I try to give each of them their own unique themes and base em off of the vibes they give :-] I’m especially so silly about the instruments and genres I associate with them, and I usually add whichever song combines both of their styles together for ship playlists HEGHEGHE

For example, EddMatt has a lot of bedroom pop and indie pop, and these two are rlly laidback and chill with each other. Edd usually has a lot of very easygoing songs, while Matt gives a lot of high energy and that “pop” or flare in his. Then you combine em together, then you get EddMatt YAYAY

I usually associate Matt with electric guitar (usually lead guitar) and piano, and Edd with acoustic, electric guitar, and electric keyboard <3

[ALSO THE POLYSWORLD PLAYLIST]!!! I actually have two playlists for them all together IM SO EXCITED TO SHOW YOU HAGAHA!!! I made them before I headcanoned them being a whole poly, but over time I figured “Yeah, these are when you put all their themes together” 🥳 I haven’t made an official Polysworld-centric playlist YET, so that’s something I’m planning to make eventually?? Whenever I have the time, so KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED EVIL EMOJI

1. Creatures In Mum’s Basement (Their band playlist YAYAYAA)

This is when you put four crazy ass mfs together in a band and they get into some wildd shenanigans. This is a more rock-centric playlist, super super high energy shit, and I always like to imagine them all playing together in it :-] LIKE YES MATT . SHRED THAT GUITAR SOLO OH MY GODDDD LETS GO

2. The Dorks From Eddsworld (Main Eddsworld playlist, I don’t update this one much)

This is their sillier playlist! I go off of what I feel like would be in the show and what kinda gives off that “silly” Classic Eddsworld vibe. I even included some chiller songs that combine their themes together 🫶 I don’t update this one as much as the Creatures playlist, but it’s still a nice listen :-]

[jayoftheorb]

Had some thoughts about the bad kids class swap, so here's my headcanons about them all if they were bards (very rambly, I'm bad at writing)

Gorgug- when he was small he would play on the pots and pans like drums and his parents wanted to encourage his creativity. Has tried probably every instrument his parents could find or make, it's metalwork. Gets really into drums and some string instruments, can't play alot of brass cuz of tusks but trumpet is easier, French horn is even harder because of the delicate trigger mechanisms, gets really good at clarinet for some reason, so good that it's his secondary instrument in case he breaks all of his drumsticks (true percussionists have like ten spares, sticks break too easy)(and also fiddle, he can play fiddle really well)

Adaine- learned viola because her parents made her, ended up really liking it, switched to "violin" (plays fiddle, can't call it that in front of parents) think Lindsey Stirling, parents got mad when she became a Bard instead of wizard even though they pushed her to learn and get better, hits her dad w fiddle and kills him, her fiddle in s/j year is a gift from fabian and its practically indestructible(gold, made by telamine, theres a side quest where she kicks the devils ass at fiddle)

Fabian- Really likes sea shanties, starts out dancing with his pa, does alot of 2 and 4 steps, lotta linedancing before getting into elven dance, could be a real good master of ceremonies when he starts hip-hop dancing, is in the college of swords but its very piratey, learned fiddle for fun but actually really enjoys it especially the slower more classical melodies favorite spell is suggestion

Kristen- acoustic guitar. Can also play piano but doesn't want to lug around a keyboard. Has a lovely voice but prefers to let her guitar do most of the work, wanted to be a paladin(to helio) like her parents for a while but becomes a paladin of Cass in the nightmare forest, it's wild. When she meets tracker at the black pit they bond over only really knowing worship songs and tracker gives her a book w/ rock sheet music (classically trained) she steals an electric guitar from the black pit and stashes it at fabians house for a while till she moves in with track and jawbone

Riz- (most excited about this one) goblin music is chaos, idk alot about indigenous music, but I like it, riz does alot of throat singing and body drumming, alot of odd noises, his dad used to sing him to sleep, kinda sounds like Tibetan throat singing with alot of clicking and hissing and all that (need to do research) the other bks like it alot, when he gets more comfortable he starts doing more metal (kinda like korn) struggles alot with connecting to his heritage (personal hc; 3rd gen goblin imigrant, sklondas ma came to bastion city for a new life when the rangers moved in on the mountains of chaos, poks dad moved from the other side of spyre (idk) Pok lived in elmville for his whole life, moved to bastion to work for the government culture outreach program, met sklonda, moved back to elmville, had riz, got eaten by a dragon)

[ddagent]

I've been really loving your writing! How about C1 for the prompts? I must know what that season 2 AU is. And maybe, if you have the time, D6?

Fanfic Menu Challenge

Aleida Rosales' first day at NASA had been intense. It was the first time she'd stepped foot into JSC since the day her father had been deported. There had been a scheduled field trip during her senior year but she'd called in sick that day; not wanting to see the familiar halls, to see Margo Madison. Aleida had long wondered what returning would feel like. But it had felt...right. She belonged in these halls, had worked her ass off to get a place in these halls. And not only was she now an engineer at NASA but she was working on one of the biggest missions since Jamestown: Apollo-Soyuz. With none other than one of the men who put Alexei Leonov on the moon.

At the end of her first day, Aleida wanted to make sure she said goodbye to Sergei. He had been kind: not pushing her to open up; asking only questions about the work. Always with a smile. But he was nowhere to be found.

In the ops office, she caught Elaine. "Hey, have you seen Sergei?"

Elaine tried her best to hide a smile as she finalised the new ops procedures. "He'll be with Director Madison."

Aleida felt a chunk of ice settle in the pit of her stomach. Why was he with Margo? Was she checking up on her? Did Margo think so little of her that she needed to be babysat? "Are you sure?"

Elaine checked her watch. "Well, it's about seven. He'll be there."

With a nod towards Elaine, Aleida fled the office and went to find Margo's. This would be the third office Margo had had since Aleida had known her. The first was nothing more than a cubicle: dim lighting, a mug full of tootsie rolls and toothpaste. The second had been larger, with a window no less and a couple of chairs. As Director of JSC, Aleida was expecting her office now to take up a whole floor. Maybe there was even a goddamn piano in there. Aleida felt rage build with every footstep, every clench of her hands. She was pissed at Margo for checking up on her. Pissed at Sergei for lying to her. He wasn't her friend. He was her damn babysitter.

As she rounded the corridor, Aleida caught sight of the open office door. Margo's assistant, Emma, had gone home. Light spilled from the open door, as did laughter. She recognised Sergei's laugh: he was incapable of getting through a shift without it. But in the months that she had known Margo, she had never heard that woman laugh.

"You do not think I will look fetching, yes, in a fake moustache and wig?"

Margo laughed again. What the hell? "Sergei, we are not hiding you when the Soviets come. You're with NASA, now. Front and centre."

"A perfect place to be for their snipers."

Through the open door, Aleida watched as Margo jabbed a finger in Sergei's direction. "Don't joke about that. Refill?"

"Please."

Margo stood up, took his empty glass, and went to a small bar by the wall of windows to refill their drinks. Aleida wondered what they were drinking. Vodka, maybe, as Sergei was Russian? Whiskey, brandy? Pepsi? But her speculation was cut off as her eyeline settled on Sergei. He wasn't staring at the artwork on the walls or at the bland carpeting. He was staring, unwatched and unbidden, at Margo Madison. His gaze was soft; his smile playful. Sergei stared, every atom within him yearning, as Margo poured them both another drink. Then, as soon as she turned around, a mask went up and Sergei was laughing and his eyes were harder. Like he'd never been watching her at all.

Margo sat back down and a new topic was introduced. "So, how was your new engineer?"

This was Aleida's moment. This was her time to storm in, to challenge them both. But she was rooted to the spot. Sergei replied and all Aleida could see was the familiar way he addressed Margo, the familiarity between them both. "She was wonderful, as you told me she would be. I am not surprised; you were her mentor."

"Hardly." Margo took a sip. "I knew her for four and half months eight years ago. I may have got her started but everything she is...it's all her." Another drink. "You'll keep an eye on her for me?"

"Margo—"

"—Sergei." He paused. She faltered, then spoke: "Please. You...you know what this means to me." Two drinks were quickly put aside. Sergei took Margo's hand in his. Their eyes met, and for a moment Aleida wondered whether she would watch her former mentor and her new one kiss in a quiet office. But Aleida blinked, and Margo was out of her chair, downing her drink, and putting it on the sideboard. "It's getting late."

"Of course." Sergei reluctantly finished his own drink. "Goodnight, Margo. See you tomorrow."

"Night."

Sergei left Margo's office, pulling the door closed behind him. He muttered words in Russian – Aleida didn't understand, but they seemed to be chastisements, hissing at himself and his behaviour. Sergei raised his head to leave and found Aleida standing in his path. He came to an abrupt stop. No questions about how long she'd been standing there, what she'd heard. Just: "This was a private conversation."

Aleida crossed her arms. "Looked pretty cosy."

"It is not. Director Madison and I...we discuss things. We have known each other a long time." Sergei joined her, sunk his hands into the pockets of his pants. He relaxed the closer he was from the door. "She does not question your capability, Aleida. She means only to make sure that you are well, that you are happy here."

"She could ask me herself."

Sergei smiled, softly, almost to himself. "Ah, but that would require Margo to challenge what has been instilled in her since she was first mentored: that this hallowed place is only for calculations, procedures. Not friendship or...love. She does her best, Aleida." His hand lightly patted her shoulder. "Please, give her space for her best to become better."

Aleida, reluctantly, nodded. Maybe she could give Margo a little leeway. But only a little. The moment she found out that Sergei was making detailed reports about her back to Margo, she'd cut both of them out. It would only dawn on Aleida later, when she understood the true reason behind the seven o'clock meetings, that discussing her work performance was the very last topic of conversation Margo and Sergei wanted to indulge in.

[freakshowtwopointoh]

12:03 - Next to Normal Chapter 2

Limited range to haunt, thankful for the friends I've got.

< prev | next >

People don’t sneak up on Marie. Ever. The combination of her blood powers and her upbringing ensured that she was always dialed in on her surroundings. So when the door to the music room slammed open, her head snapped up immediately. She still had a whole seven minutes - who did this idiot think they were?

“I have seven more minutes.” She said simply, dismissing them with a gesture before turning her attention back to her music. The intruder sighed but made no move to leave, flicking dark hair out of their eyes.

“And?” They said coolly, lounging in a chair and unpacking their bass. Why did they sound pissed off when she had the room booked? It took everything in her - and the voice of her mother from beyond the grave - not to roll her eyes. She’s a performer. If they were going to come in early, they can deal with her rehearsing this stupid fucking aria. Now that she saw them, of course she recognized them. She’s not in Brink’s materials class yet, but he is the supervisor of basically all mechanical engineering research projects, and Jordan Li is one of the only undergrads Brink has ever hired. What they did to earn that, besides being a kiss ass and the child of donors to the school, is a mystery to her. She tried to keep from wondering if they recognized her from around campus, and she tried to keep from noticing how irritatingly attractive they looked. They leaned back, thumbing the strings on their bass absently. Probably expecting her to run away after a single glare like some frightened mouse. But she’s rehearsed weirder pieces in front of scarier people than Jordan Li.

So she rewinds her music and begins again, working through Voi, Che Sapete - an aria that is the kind of earnest that makes her want to hurl. Come on - This torment is tinged with delight? It was passionate first, now I felt pain? End her now. But her voice coach insists upon learning the classics and technical precision. When she was a kid, her mom taught her and Annabeth how to sing. They had formal lessons, of course - sitting at the rickety piano in the living room and singing scales. But it was also just what happens when you live with a singer. Mom would harmonize with whatever was playing on the radio, and she had this look on her face when they were singing off-key. Nothing mean or condescending, just a soft smile as she guided their voices back to the right note. 

Marie closed her eyes, trying to tune out the thrum of Jordan tuning their bass. “Could you at least attempt some kind of regular rhythm?” She muttered, not really expecting them to respond.

“Have you ever tuned an instrument? There’s actual brain power required.” They retorted, clearly irritated. 

“You are intruding on my rehearsal time -” Marie began, but they just scoffed, going back to fiddling with their bass without even hearing the rest of her retort. Typical. One professor gave them the time of day, and now they walk around this entire school like it’s their personal playground. They probably had a point - though she’s loath to admit it. There’s a reason all the loaner instruments at her group home were woefully out of tune. Even Petrov’s piano often had a few off keys. But that doesn’t change the fact that she booked this room to 12:10 - and she intends to utilize it. After this, she has to head to the library for work, and then meet Emma and some of her dance friends. And she doesn’t need Petrov to tell her that she still sounded forced and overworked.

“Five fucking minutes. In our room.” She thought she heard them mutter, but she decided that she didn’t. Fuming over some entitled upperclassman is not a good way to end her rehearsal. She just tried to get through the piece at least one more time - if she can’t get that bar near the end right, Petrov would make her work this piece for another week, and she’d have even less time to prepare for her audition. As she did so, she saw Jordan’s body grow and shift out of the corner of her eye. She’d seen them in both bodies around the engineering building, but she hadn’t ever actually seen them change. It was seamless - she’d kind of expected something more? But to be fair, the other person she knows who changes shape has ... a specific process to do so. 

“Donna vedete, s'io i'or nel cor.” She ran the line a few times, trying to strengthen her vibrato and emphasize the emotions of the song. She could feel Jordan’s eyes on her, and she found herself standing up straighter in spite of herself. Why was she trying to impress this entitled rich kid anyways? Yeah, they’re incredibly attractive and intelligent, and yeah, they’re an important part of the department she’s in, but still. She doesn’t need their permission, and she certainly doesn’t need their approval. What is this yearning in her heart, indeed. The clock rolls over to 12:10 and she gets ready to head out. 

“Finally.” She heard Jordan mutter as she packed her things, sliding her music neatly into her backpack. She took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders back before smiling sweetly at them. Or, as close as sweet as she could get, with frustration still boiling under her skin.

“You know, you could check the schedule before you show up early. It’d be easier to fix your D string literally anywhere else.” They simply raised an eyebrow, looking at her appraisingly. She suppressed a scoff. “See you around.” She said dismissively, rolling her eyes once she was out of view. 

Thankfully, the library wasn’t too far of a walk from the music building, giving her time to grab a coffee before she clocked in. She snagged the black coffee from the countertop, leaving a dollar in the hand-decorated mason jar on her way out. Barista solidarity. 

She punched her code in, laid her bag on the ground underneath the help desk, and she situated herself at her station. She’d barely been sitting for five minutes when Emma came bounding over, looking even more excited than normal. This could mean anything - she could’ve nailed a new dance or she could’ve seen a cute dog. Marie had learned early on never to guess when it came to Emma.

“I think I just met the reincarnation of Robert Pattinson - if he had curly hair.” She breathed dreamily.

“Isn’t he still alive?” Marie remarked nonchalantly, checking books in mechanically. Open. Slide. Stamp. Close. Stack. Repeat. 

“Who cares, that’s not the point.The point is, this guy is hot, he’s nice, and he invited me to a casual-hangout-that-isn’t-a-party - his words not mine - and said I could bring a friend.” Emma waggled her eyebrows at Marie, trying to entice her.

“Emma, you know how I feel about last minute plans.” She admonished. Slide. Stamp. Stack. Close. And about setting her up on dates just because she has a date and they have a single friend.

“But it’s not last minute! It’s tomorrow night.” And as much as she’d like to snap back that tomorrow is still last minute - for Emma, it wasn’t, and she honestly had nothing better to do. She couldn’t keep from shaking her head, smiling fondly.

“Alright. But if they’re not good people, I’ll leave.” Emma nodded seriously before grinning widely, pushing herself up onto the counter, her legs dangling off the edge of the desk. She was about to launch into a play-by-play of the conversation she had with this mystery pretty boy, when something caught her eye and her cheeks flushed a little pink. Before Marie understood why, a relaxed black man in a gray hoodie sidled up to her desk with a nervous curly haired white guy trailing hesitantly behind him. 

“Are you Emma and friend?” The relaxed guy asked, clearly putting on a suave performance that was nearly sickening. She found herself thinking of Jordan - she’d take bitter entitlement over cloying niceties. Then she had to push that thought far from her mind - they’re probably just as fake in the right circumstances.

“Sam, you said we’d be meeting at Gideon Hall tomorrow?” Emma asked the taller man, leaning towards him almost subconsciously and looking up at him. Marie had seen the blonde flirt countless times, but there was something about this that felt... different. But she’s probably reading too much into things. He nodded, almost too quickly.

“We’ll be heading to my townhouse - piling into a few cars.” The guy who wasn’t Sam said casually. He looked Marie up and down appraisingly before giving her his number. “In case you have any questions.” She just raised an eyebrow, taking the paper. 

“You came prepared.” She said dryly, eyeing him skeptically. She pocketed the paper nonetheless, mainly because Emma would ream her if she didn’t entertain him. Despite what her roommate says, she doesn’t need to go on a date with an idiot to know they’re an idiot. But making new friends is probably a good idea, all things considered. That’s the point of college, right? So she tucked the paper into her pocket, and smiled her way through the stilted small talk, and once the two men left, she let Emma regale her with the details of her first interaction with Sam.

That’s also how Marie ends up sitting cross-legged on the floor in the small dance studio, watching Emma and her friends work their way through their tap routine. It honestly wasn’t bad background noise as she worked through her physics homework. And despite the disdain Marie felt for Emma’s mother and her attitude towards dance, she did enjoy seeing the way the blonde’s giggles would turn to full belly laughs as she and her dance partners would work their way through complex choreography. And sometimes, after a really good rehearsal, it almost looked like Emma stood an inch or two taller as she slung her arm around Marie’s shoulders and led the older girl to their next adventure. Which, to be fair, was usually their next meal, but when you’re at the top technical university for superheroes, you tend to find adventures everywhere you turn.

Not every student at Goldolkin Institute of Technology was a supe - it was probably closer to 20 or 30 percent, but supes tended to group together. Part of it was the fact that most freshman supes ended up in one of two dorms due to accessibility concerns, and the rest of it was the gawking that tended to come from the non-supe students. Marie felt lucky most days that she couldn’t be picked out of a crowd as a supe - people have certain expectations that she doesn’t particularly like dealing with. 

Everyone has opinions on who she should be, what she should want, and how she should get it. No one says what those opinions are, but she can feel it - in the way her academic advisors talk to her, in the way the directors at the music hall look at her when she walks in for her audition. You should be grateful for what you have. You don’t truly belong here. Our approval is the only thing that will take you to the next level. 

But it was actually Annabeth that taught her the true golden rule: there’s always another way. She’d remind Marie of this fact of the world before wiggling her way through the mostly closed window of their family home to unlock the front door, or using a bobby pin as a screwdriver to fix the cabinet door before their dad got home. Whenever people tell her she has an engineer’s mind - like the interviewer for G.I.T., or her high school math teacher - it’s because of her. It isn’t lost on Marie that her two passions came directly from the two most important women in her life. 

There’s always another way. That’s how she got into Godolkin, how she convinced her advisor that double majoring across disciplines could only enhance her collegiate experience, and even how she found herself as an understudy in the fall musical last semester. With every step forward, she feels herself pulling closer to her goals: getting her degree and getting back in contact with her sister. And nothing and no one will get in her way.

-----------------

No one else uses this practice room, especially not on Thursdays. Replaced at 9 wasn’t that popular on campus (college radio isn’t really as cool as it was in the 80’s, let’s be real), but they were well known within the music department. It had gotten to the point where they almost started keeping their instruments there. It was Luke who suggested it - Andre kept leaving his drum kit at home. But thank fuck they didn’t, because some random fucking freshman was in there, singing fucking opera. She looked vaguely familiar - maybe she’d seen her around campus somewhere. Not one of her one night stands, thankfully. That would’ve been painfully awkward, and besides, she’d remember a girl like that. Soft and muscular at the same time, big brown eyes sent directly from hell to drive them insane, and the kind of willpower that made their knees go weak. And royally pissed them off. 

“I have seven more minutes.” The freshman started, not even bothering to look at her. Rude. This is why she was a T.A. in engineering, instead of doing more work in the music school. People come in to a music program entitled as fuck - she’s met a thousand and one freshmen like this girl. She was probably the daughter of a voice coach, told she was God’s gift to music her entire life, and came here expecting to crush it in a day. Probably expected to be discovered before her first year was completed. She was well overdue for a reality check - pretty eyes or no.

“And?” They weren’t about to give up their prep time because some freshman was being cocky. This bass required... an expert’s touch, and more importantly, time.

The girl looks almost as pissed off as they feel, but she doesn’t pack up her things. Instead, she just goes back to singing some Italian number set to a Mozart piece. They tried to focus on the task at hand, but it’s not like he could quite hear the note, what with the pretentious racket.

“Could you at least attempt some kind of regular rhythm?” She said, closing her eyes in irritation. Why won’t she just leave? It’s seven minutes, they’ll probably spend twice as long waiting for their bandmates to arrive.

“Have you ever tuned an instrument? There’s actual brain power required.” they snapped back, uninterested in talking in circles. If they’re naturally intimidating enough to scare the freshman engineers, they should be able to get this opera bitch to scurry back home... right?

“You are intruding on my rehearsal time -” She began, barely hiding her irritation. Jesus, this girl doesn’t fucking give up!

“Five fucking minutes. In our room.” They muttered under their breath, half-expecting the freshman to snap back at them, or maybe even finally leave. But no such luck. Whoever this (admittedly very pretty) girl was, she was committed to riding out the full extent of her time block, and doing it in Italian. Someone gag her. She shifted to her male form, needing the larger hands to properly wrap around the neck of his bass. Even that didn’t seem to faze her - at least, she didn’t look up or stop singing. The D string on this bass had a loose knob and was often out of tune, so they focused on retuning it, thumbing the string and listening intently. 

“Finally.” They grumbled, adjusting his position in their seat. He watched as the freshman carefully slid her sheet music into a plain folder and slid that into her bag. 

“You know, you could check the schedule before you show up early. It’d be easier to fix your D string literally anywhere else.” She smiled thinly at him, and he raised an eyebrow, hiding his surprise that she even knew which string was giving them trouble. And as she went to leave, they couldn’t stop themselves from letting their eyes travel down her form. Subtly, of course - they’re not Andre. Of course, she had to be hot, too. At least she was finally gone, and they shouldn’t have to see her again. It’s not like she’s an engineer or anything.

This was one time they were pleased his bandmates were chronically late. That girl - still no name - had gotten under their skin. Luke and Cate can always tell when he’s pissy about something, and he does not need dating advice from the golden duo. Cate’s convinced that anyone who gets under their skin is their soulmate. Or whatever. Hate and love are much closer than people like to think, she tells them. Not true, in their experience. Most people who hate them are not ever going to like him, much less love them.

Whatever. This entitled freshman is not going to mess with their rehearsal. He needs to focus - Andre might be content to half-ass his way through the battle of the bands in a couple months, but they would actually like to be proud of the songs they showcase. There’s a few stanzas that they’d like to work though again and the bass line for the bridge needs some work.

None of his bandmates were surprised to see them hunched over their bass guitar, pen tapping incessantly against their spiral notebook. And if they noticed his irritability, they didn’t mention it. 

“We’re only five minutes late, Luke, this is almost a new record.” Andre called out, grinning easily as he held the door open for the other two band members.

“C’mon, dude, any amount of late isn’t a good look.” The blond admonished his friend, bumping his shoulder affectionately.

“I’m sure Jordan is just happy you remembered to grab your charger before we started rehearsing - even if we did have to walk back to get it.” Cate’s smooth voice slid into the room last, as she trailed behind her boyfriend. “You know they hate being interrupted.” 

Which was true, and why they didn’t lift their head when their friends entered. He’d been hoping to sort out the second verse at least, but the only lyrics they’d scrawled on the page were the lines that freshman was singing. They sighed in frustration, shoving the pen behind their ear and leaning back in the cheap plastic chair. 

“Please don’t expect applause for the bare minimum. That’s how we’ll lose in April.”

“Why do you insist on being a buzzkill, man?” Jordan caught the protein bar Luke threw at them moments before it collided with his head, and they nodded their thanks wordlessly. “April is after midterms. And midterms are forever away. Ergo, we don’t have to worry yet.”

They opted to rip open the protein bar and shove the gifted sickly sweet snack into their mouth instead of starting another fight with Andre. With their current mood in mind, they’d probably end up saying something mean and need to bake some apology cookies. Again. Despite the near constant bickering between them and their friends, he wouldn’t trade them for anything. Without Luke, they probably wouldn’t have ended up being friends with any of them - and their college experience would’ve been much more bland. 

When they started at Godolkin, they were just barely out of the closet and terrified to step out of line. Just walking around in their female form felt dangerous. But they went to some club meeting (none of them actually could recall which club it was), sitting nervously in the back of the room, unsure of everything. And Luke, the first freshman to perform at the music school’s symposium (and some ex-child star from a show they would never admit to having watched), sat right next to them and started making conversation. Told an embarrassing story about accidentally melting a plastic bowl to his hands, and invited them to come meet his other friends. He and Andre had met at orientation, Andre met Cate in class, and the rest was history. They performed together for the first time in the spring of freshman year, and now they were all juniors, competing in the battle of the bands for the fourth time. The second time with their own music. 

They watched as Andre set his drum kit up in the back alongside Cate’s keyboard, and he took his place beside Luke. It used to feel weird, standing together like this. Like they were playing at being rock stars the way he used to do with his sisters in their basement. And they aren’t sure when it started feeling real. It sort of snuck up on him, but one day, he was standing in this very spot, holding this guitar, and they realized that they were actually doing what they always wanted to do. He was actually fucking making music.

And as the four of them settled into their rehearsal, he couldn’t help but feel incredibly lucky. He’d somehow managed to make something close to a happy life out of what could have been a caffeine fueled slog through four years of hell. It wasn’t always easy - most rehearsals ended with them needing to rush off to manage something for Professor Brink or meet some random collection of students for a group project or a study session. Cate and Andre were both business majors, so they did most of their studying together. He used to find it suspicious - and wondered more than once how Luke put up with it. But he never seemed bothered by it - and he was often busy with private voice lessons and a slew of other rehearsals anyways. Besides, they didn’t like speculating like that about any of their friends. 

They did end up dashing out of rehearsal precisely when it ended, meeting with Brink to discuss lesson plans and then holing up in his office to study in peace. They technically had a study session tonight at the townhouse, but it was almost impossible for them to get any solid work done when all their friends were around, doing precisely zero work. Luke didn’t really study, Andre insisted he studied better when he was high or drunk (he doesn’t) and So he finished his homework and a first draft of a paper in the privacy of Brink’s cluttered office before heading to the townhouse to “study”.

She shifts on her way out, and is once again amazed by how easy it can be. People rarely ever asked why they shifted, and she and Cate had come up with a list of canned responses for the kinds of rude or insensitive things people would say. There were some that never failed to make her laugh - I heard your mom wanted to try pussy tonight and I thought it’d be funny if you got beat up by a girl - but she tended to default to Cause I fucking felt like it. Because that was the most honest - and it gave people nothing to work with.

She knew the townhouse would be unlocked so they didn’t even bother knocking, just walked right in. Sam, Luke’s younger brother, was lounging on the black IKEA futon, all up in arms about some girl he met. They basically tuned it out, heading straight for the fridge and grabbing a beer. She was honestly stoked - if Sam had met a girl, no one would be interrogating Jordan about what pissed them off. Or who.

They settled into their usual spot in the large and eclectically furnished living room of the townhouse - an emerald green corduroy recliner that is clearly a relic of the 80s, complete with a cupholder. It was the least offensive of the three ‘couches’ (if you could call them that). It wouldn’t take long for Sam to be relegated to the worst of the three - a worn down pleather loveseat that smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, by Andre and Luke. The two settled in with their own beers as they kept discussing whatever harebrained idea Andre had cooked up this week.

Jordan found herself drifting in and out of focus during the chatter of their friends, not particularly interested in Andre’s newest business scheme or Sam’s continued anxious babbling about this blonde girl. She still couldn’t get Opera out of her mind - or that song out of their head. Rather, the one line of that song. It didn’t help that the two were inextricably tied - so even as she kept telling herself that it was the song that was stuck in their head, not the girl, it rang a bit hollow.

“Are you learning Italian?” Cate’s cool voice cut through her reverie. She peered over their shoulder at her phone. “What is this yearning inside my heart? Classy.” She said lightly, smirking as they cringed away from her inquisitive glare. 

“Got a song stuck in my head is all.” She grumbled, closing their phone before she could get even more nosy. If she even imagined there was a girl involved, she’d never let it up. Even so, they could see her filing that information away for future use.

“One of those opera girls in the music hall?” Andre asked, leaning even further back so his head was nearly in Cate’s lap, his legs already sprawled over Luke’s thighs. “Hanging around on the second floor might actually teach me more than my French class ever did. If they don’t give me a migraine first.” Cate was the most perceptive of the three, but Andre had a knack for guessing correctly about things like this.

“Half those songs are the same three lines repeated over and over again.” Cate said dismissively. “I could teach you more French than that in an afternoon.” She threaded her gloved fingers through Luke’s, settling into the couch. She had this knack of appearing both at home and out of place in most places on campus. Even here, she still had this air about her that both enticed and frightened most who met her. She was intimidating - in a very different way than Jordan was. She wasn’t stone faced and solid, she was elusive, and hard to understand. Almost like a changeling, she had this way about her that made it hard to pin down her true feelings. But she was also the first girl who she felt like really saw her as another girl. Cate painted her nails, helped her with her makeup, and none of it ever felt forced or inauthentic.

It kind of amazed them after years of being told that no one would ever accept her as bigender or her powers, that they had found Professor Brink and Luke and all these people who saw her as who she was, in their entirety. It gave them the strength and the motivation to continue to actually reach for their goals, which were inching closer every day: get their degree and make good music. And nothing and no one will get in her way.

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Thanks again to @perpetualproductions for editing this and all their help!!