#I hate that we can’t appreciate both women without somehow putting them against each other

[red-hood-redemption]

can I please get a Damian fic that doesn’t absolutely vilify Talia and make Selina some sort of savior or something??

[letsperaltiago]

right next to the right one

Nothing special but here is a small, 100% fluff moment from very early Peraltiago. I imagined it taking place somewhere in between ‘New Captain’ and ‘The funeral’. Enjoy 💕

Read on AO3

It’s their first night together – or, more like, the first night they go to bed together without ripping each other’s clothes off in the heat and heaviness caused by four drinks.

They’re at Amy’s place this time. Jake is nervously fiddling around her bedroom trying to get ready for bed without interrupting or getting in the way of whatever punctual night routine Amy Santiago must have. They did just have their first date a few days ago, and maybe there are a lot of sides to her that he hasn’t met yet; although it doesn’t take a genius to know that surely Amy has some kind of step-by-step pattern she walks through before heading to bed.

Or that’s what he thinks. Suddenly she reemerges from the bathroom, only five minutes after first leaving the bedroom, and looks completely calm and ready for bed. Not freaked out because she’s running behind schedule or missing steps. No kind of ritual seems to be playing out and Jake has to admit to himself: he’s slightly confused.

“That was fast?” Jake quizzes from where he’s standing by the foot of her bed still dressed like he’s about to leave and Amy frowns. Both because of the statement, which sounds more like a question, but also because she thought he too would be ready for bed by now.

“You sound confused? I just removed my makeup and brushed my teeth – it doesn’t take that long.” She cocks her eyebrows telling him that no, not all women spend an hour in the bathroom… Jake feels bad for questioning her, and all women out there, but is quickly interrupted by her picking up on him being far from ready for bed.

“But why are you still dressed? Get in bed, silly!” She chuckles and gets into bed on what he assumes is her usual side. He secretly hopes that one day the other side will become his. Too soon, he thinks and shakes it off. One step at a time.

Jake contemplates whether or not he should explain himself but quickly figures that it doesn’t matter. Her lack of strict routine just tells him that she’s relaxed in her own home, around him, and that he likes - a lot. Also, Amy looks really cute in nothing but an oversized NYPD-shirt and panties.

“Oh, yeah sorry. Just didn’t know where to put my stuff and I didn’t want to like…” he shuffles nervously to the free side of the bed, probably looking stupid, and he hates that he’s so nervous. By no means does he want her to notice; maybe think she’s the one making him nervous. Actually he just likes her so stupid much that he’d rather stand there and look stupid than mess up her room or do something else that’ll give him away; do something that’ll let her know he isn’t the one for her. “… I didn’t want to Jake up your room.”

She’s just gotten under the covers, sitting against the headboard with her current book in her lap, but seems to forget about it and suddenly freeze on the spot with her eyes on him. Not in an accusing way or with an expression that lets him know he needs to leave; rather a look of warmth and appreciation… Maybe even a hint of amusement. Then she crawls across the bed to his side and stands on her knees.

“Jake…” she grabs him by the hoodie and pulls him in so that he stands as close to her as the edge of the bed will allow. Everything she says comes out with a special warmth radiating from her lips and eyes, something he’s only ever seen in her. “I appreciate the thought, but… You’ve already Jake’d up my life so a little Jake’ing up my bedroom won’t hurt me. Okay?”

The way the words fall from her lips, full of calmness and serenity, has him pacified without delay. The soft peck to his lips radiates a welcoming feeling Jake can’t deny. Confidence slowly seeps back into him, and he finally feels as if he can answer her searching, soft brown eyes.

“Okay,” he’s finally able to let down his shoulders, his overall guard, and return her smile with a matching radiation of serenity and calmness.

It’s so stupid how much he likes her, he thinks. It partially scares him although never enough to chase him away. Before he even has the time to realize it, as if it’s second nature to him, he rids himself of his clothes. Few minutes later his outfit is, somewhat, neatly hanging on a chair nearby. He smiles sheepishly and Amy chuckles, nodding in approval: perhaps he’s not too bad at this after all, he thinks and falls into Amy Santiago’s bed.

Everything is so brand new to the both of them yet quickly falls into a rhythm that feels normal: everything from Amy reading her book by his side to the way the Jake’s late night cartoon’s flicker in the background without bothering her.

Amy feels it too. The normality of the new them. For the past few days they’ve been together, Amy’s already wondered many times: how? She puts down her book and lies down on her side to get a better look at his side profile.

She can’t tell if the cartoons that deserve credit for calming him down, causing him to zone out of reality, but Amy enjoys this side of Jake. The Jake that is just… there. With her.

She wonders, after going through what they both went through to get to each other, how she got so lucky? Suddenly, very out of nowhere, she finds herself fully focused on the mand beside her and something feels just a tad different. All night she’d felt so nonchalant, so easy going about him being around, that it didn’t occur to her just how lucky she is and now she can’t stop wondering, over and over, how? How is he here after all their ups and down, exes, friend zones and whatnot?  

“Hey.”

It falls out of her before she can comprehend it or try to stop it, and as soon as his head calmly turns to look at her Amy knows she has to carry through with this. The shifting colorful light from the TV casts a warm shadow on the side of his face that is turned away from it, and Amy halts for a second taking in the sight in front of her. The man by her side is so gently, so easily tuned in to her and the flickering lights enhances all of her favorite facial features. Features she can kiss now, whether she believes it or not, and features she gets to run her hands and fingers along if she wishes to.

“Hey,” he answers with a soft smile inviting her to speak her mind, because of all people, Amy Santiago alwayshas an agenda. Jake knows.

In contrast to how ready she felt just seconds ago, she all of the sudden, now that the first word is out and the attention is on her, feels so shy. Probably has furiously blushing cheeks too. Knowing Jake, he’s probably already noticed.

“What’s up?” he tries.

Amy considers not speaking her mind, instead just joke it off like they often do. Most of the time that’s a fine solution… But this moment, for some reason, feels more important. Like it’s not supposed to be brushed off. Amy genuinely has some things on her mind.

“I just,” she cuts herself off nervously biting down on her bottom lip. “I just can’t believe we’re here… Like, together.”

If her blush wasn’t very evident before then it definitely is now, and she has to look away from him just to keep calm. His eyes, especially with the soft look he has right now, all of the sudden seems so overwhelming. In the good way. The scary way too. Just a year ago she would’ve never believed anyone telling her that Jake Peralta would come to make her feel this way.

“I know.” Jake chuckles and Amy dares to look back at him. He’s looking straight ahead again but this time not at the TV, she can tell. He looks deep in thought, smiling, and Amy feels less scared. If the man of a thousand issues is smiling at the thought of them (she hopes) then everything is probably alright.

“Like even after everything that’s come between us, constantly demotivating the process like… wrong timing, being undercover, Sophia, Teddy…” she trails off realizing just how many odds have been against them for the past two years or so.

He slowly nods in agreement still staring into air with a small smile on his face as if he’s seeing something she isn’t.

“Yeah… To me, the whole thing with Teddy was never that demotivating though. On the contrary.”

Amy’s eyebrows dip into a confused frown.

“Really.” Jake finally turns his head to look at her and the flickering lights make him look that more handsome, like in a movie scene, all over again. She loves when he looks at her, even if it’s just been a few days. If Jake was the last person to ever look at her, just like he is right now, she would die happy. Somehow it feels like he’s done it for longer – maybe he has and she just hasn’t noticed?

“This is going to sound super dumb, but every time I saw you with him I was bummed out, yes, but it also made me even more sure: I wanted to be the one to be with you. I wanted all the small moments he got with you… Like siting at Shaw’s making you smile and laugh while drinking beer; competing with you about dumb stuff that only we care about and everyone rolls their eyes at us; picking you up from work – even though we literally sit across from each other, I now realize as I’m saying it out loud.”

They both chuckle in unison but on the inside they both feel their hearts burst with joy at this small confession. Silence, a comfortable one, takes over. Amy sees his face switch to the one he always put on when he’s being serious and genuine. Her heart skips yet another beat.

”I guess I kinda always knew I wanted be where he was standing, you know? Next to you. Holding your hand even, if I was really lucky.” He chuckles but so softly that Amy can tell he’s still being serious.

Amy nods, entranced, and if it wasn’t for what said next then the moment definitely would’ve been a fully and completely soft moment - alike nothing she’d ever witnessed Jake Peralta in before. The man beside her is nervously fiddling with his fingers and she can tell Jake has crossed some emotional boundaries with this confession tonight. Which is also why she doesn’t comment on it when he flees the intensity of the romantic moment with a joking remark.

“And if that isn’t motivation for ya then I don’t know what is.” His voice switches to the goofy tone he speaks in most of the time and soft Jake slowly fades away, into fun Jake with his still tall walls up. Although Amy knows he means every word he’s just said. That is enough for her; enough to keep her cheeks blushing and lips in the shape of a moved smile. Enough to keep her around for what feels like will be a long time.

“Well…” she scoots over to his side of the bed and pulls his head down to press a playful kiss to his cheek, like a schoolgirl would to her crush, and it’s Jake’s turn to blush. She pulls back but stays close, turns his head with her hand bringing them nose to nose. She’s still blushing but she doesn’t care. He can see her colors - all of them.  

“Here you are, Peralta. And it feels so much better having you here.”

[lets-get-kraken-boys]

MHA Headcanon: Being Apart of Both The Baku + Deku Squads

(Description: Wow! I’m so happy with the amount of praise my FatGum fic has gotten! I cannot thank you guys enough for over 100 likes/reblogs, you all mean the world to me. This idea struck me in the dead of the night and I just had to write it down. Love you!)

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Requester: No One!

Reader Gender: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Style of Story: Headcanon(s) // Just some funny ideas I had. Nothing extremely romantic about this one, unless you count Denki’s insatiable flirting attempts as romance!

Word Count: 2.7K Words

WARNING(s): None, just a few cuss words here and there.

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DekuSquad

Meeting

You were more than likely an OG of this group (with Deku, Uraraka, and Iida alongside you) and became fast friends on the first day of school together

You went to class early on the first day at UA (which was unusual for you since sleep is high on your priority list), but you wanted to make a good impression on the staff and meet potential new friends or allies in your career

You got there before most, sat in your designated seat, and people watched the unfamiliar faces in the classroom, trying to get a feel of the energy the kids presented. Not long after you sat down did a scene already break out between a stiff, but kind-looking bluenette who shouted orders at an aggressive blonde with spiky hair. They bickered for a bit, it was eventually calmed down by the teacher, but you noticed a few people at the doorway having a conversation

A brown haired girl and a green haired boy who looked like he was about to die from blushing too hard were standing near the door with the bluenette from earlier. They were all smiling so wide and all had such different personalities that it made you smile, deciphering in your head that there was no way you were leaving this school today without saying ‘hi’ them

Eventually, over the course of the school day (before the whole incident with the fake expulsion) you introduced yourself to the three, and you being the sweet cutie you are, were quickly accepted into the trio as one of them

And the rest is pretty much history! All of you became besties from that point on, dragging Tsu, Momo, and a reluctant Todoroki (at first) into the whirlwind that is your friend group!

What Do They Think Of You Personally

Deku: You’re one of his best friends, he can trust you with pretty much anything. He even considers telling you about One For All once, but sadly that is too big of a secret to tell (for now), but he’ll tell you basically anything else! Learning about your quirk, your goals and dreams, and just plain talking with you always puts him at ease. You help him with his life problems and stressors, even when he’s mumbling away and overthinking you give him a moment to let him get all of his thoughts out instead of interrupting him. He hopes to be heroes with you to the very end, never forget that!

Uraraka: She absolutely adores you! Smart, funny, sweet, you’re the whole package. You’re trustworthy and the drive you have in life keeps her motivated to be a hero with you. You help each other out, she values this friendship more than some others. She feels she can go to you for anything, she only hopes that you feel the same way with her because she has no doubt in her mind that she will go to hell and back for you.

Iida: For awhile he didn’t understand why Midoriya and Uraraka liked you so much. Don’t get me wrong, he found you fun to hang out with and nice, but he never really saw why they blindly trusted you. That is, until you came to visit Izuku, Shoto, and him in the hospital the weekend after the Hosu/Stain (but you don’t know about the villain) incident. You wished for them to get better, gave each of them a handwritten card and baked goods before leaving to get back to UA, parting with a wide smile and hugs for them all. He finally fully sees your kind nature and the open honesty you give to everyone, and is ready to be a hero with you for as long as you deem necessary. The kindness you gave him that day affected him more than you will ever know, as you helped him see past his plot of revenge and strive to be a hero not to hurt others but to change the world so tragedies like this never happen again.

Tsu: She noticed early on how you always brighten a room whenever you’re there, so she (along with many others) were drawn to that warmth. She appreciates your understanding and forgiving attitude, she feels like she doesn’t have to hide or be ashamed of who she is around you. The USJ incident really made her think about how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away, so she is grateful that someone as generous as you decided to be friends with her and the rest of the DekuSquad.

Todoroki: Apprehensive of you at first (like he was with everyone), but after you showed your loyalty and dedication to not your work but your friendships, he wants to get to know you better. It’ll take awhile to get past his cold exterior, but if you stay he’ll consider you one of his greatest allies. Plus, you can teach him how to open up to others and learn to love again, who wouldn’t want to help Shoto?

Momo: She knows she’s smart so she’s more than happy to help you with school work (if you need it, that is). The first time she knew she could fully trust you is when Mineta was perving about her hero uniform and tried to inappropriately touch her, but you grabbed and punted him at least 50 yards into the distance while screaming, “Women's rights, perv!” and ever since that day you’ve been her knight in shining armour. She always thinks about inviting you as her guest first when she has to attend fancy dinners/parties with her parents. She appreciates all your help with protecting her and the other girls in Class 1-A, but also a great friend. If you ever need anything, she’ll be there first to help!

Hanging Out / Having Fun / Random Things

Group. Study. SESSIONS! Seriously. You have some of the smartest people in Class 1-A in the DekuSquad with you, if you don't use that knowledge to your benefit, I’ma slap you. They’re always willing to help one another out, no matter how immense the problem.

Mario Kart, Apples to Apples, even Hide-And-Seek (in and outside the dorms), everything is on the table for Group Game Night (and, yes, Group Game Night is a weekly event)

You train with Deku, Todoroki, and even Uraraka sometimes on the weekends and HOE BOI, you haven’t felt true envy until you jokingly test to see if a cutsie green-haired 16 year old can bench your entire body and feel your soul die as he actually lifts you up and over his head with ease

Your noodle arms could never. You just want to be sTRONG!!! (I feel that)

You cannot make a self deprecating joke in front of them. Ever. Even if you THINK about making one, you will be sat down on a comfy chair, given a glass of milk and a cookie, and counseled on your emotions and well being until the dorm’s curfew

They just love and care about you. Why can’t you see yourself the way they do? (K, I made myself cry with that one.)

Anyways, it’s wholesome, cinnamon roll energy 24/7. Finally, the serotonin we all need.

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BakuSquad

Meeting

You’re a little late getting into the BakuSquad, but you get there eventually!

You, Mina, and Kirishima are paired up for a group project in the middle of the year. Sad that you can’t be with your normal friend group in this project, you try to look on the bright side and enjoy their company.

You three end up having way too much fun. Opting to, instead of doing the homework, end up playing video games with Kirishima, Mina, and a flirty blonde named Kaminari, hanging upside down on the ceiling with the smiley blacknette, Sero, pretending to be “Spiderman” while relaxing with the spunky Jiro, and eventually getting caught by the angry blonde from the first day of school named Bakugou, who forces the three of you to sit down and finally get the work done before it was too late, but even that was fun!

Later that weekend, you all plan to meet up at the mall (Bakugou being dragged along by Kirishima) and hang. You ended up running around the different floors laughing like maniacs, getting way too many sugar highs from eating too much candy, somehow end up in a Taco Bell parking lot at 1AM screaming “Bohemian Rhapsody” to the moon while drinking Baja Blasts together, and having to sneak back into the dorms carrying a derpy Kaminari carefully inside because he blew out his power trying to impress you with a flirty pickup line.

You stumbled into your dorm after hearing a quick, “Night, (Y/N)!” from Kirishima since he had kindly walked you to your room to make sure you got back okay, and took a deep breath in while leaning against the door. You walked to your bathroom mirror and looked at your frizzled hair, colorful stained lips from the candy you’d eaten, the empty Baja Blast cup in your hand that you had used as a microphone, and smiled. You have got to stay friends with these idiots.

And that you did, the crazy BakuSquad has a new member!

What Do They Think Of You Personally

Bakugou: I’ll just say this, it takes guts to befriend a person like him, and he knows it, so he pretends to hate you and your determination to stay by his side (as he does with most people) for the LONGEST time. It takes him years to show you his softer sides, but when he does break down those barriers for you it’s well worth the wait. After that, he trusts you with his life, and him with yours. He hates to admit it because he has seen the crazy in you around the others, but you are caring and would take all the time in the world to listen to his or anyone else's problems. He knows you’ve seen the tough things in life and he respects you for it. You’ll be a strong hero, just not better than him!

Kirishima: Honestly after meeting the BakuSquad and now you, his self esteem has never been higher! He was struggling for the longest time with self doubt but after befriending all of you he knows that he finally has a place in this world and people who care about him for more than his quirk. You give him an even bigger reason to keep striving to be a hero, if he can meet amazing people like you in his career path then he never wants to leave. He sees that project as one of the best things that has ever come out of school!

Denki: Definitely tries (and fails miserably) to score a date with you an ungodly amount of times. He can’t help it, you’re so pretty and nice and if you were his significant other he’d be over the moon. If you’re not comfortable with his flirting, he will eventually lay off, but that won’t stop him from daydreaming of being with you. Fate or not, meeting you feels like a dream, and with you being kind to literally everyone around you, it would have been impossible for him to resist being friends with you either way. He loves you and admires your strength as a hero, you’re both gonna go far together.

Mina: She feels that getting paired together for that project was destiny in the works! You make everyone so happy and she feels blessed that she can help you learn how to let loose and go with the flow. You two have an infinite amount of gossip supply, the tea is never not hot or empty. You both have some righteous dirt (but you’re both nice enough to not cause chaos within UA, so it stays on the ground).

Sero: The life the BakuSquad gained from you joining is indescribable. You are like the cool parental figure who turned into a thrill junkie, and seeing that transformation was absolutely hilarious. He enjoys your company, where the room can be filled with noise or dead silent but still be comfortable, he lives to find those people. Plus, being non-judgmental means that he’ll open up to you about more than what others see. 10/10, you two vibe together.

Jiro: Best buddies. You fight alongside her in defending the women of UA from pervs, so that is already a huge gain. She loves sharing her music taste with you and you with her, you’ve opened up her tastes far more than she ever imagined (because of you she listens to the catcher pop songs more now than just straight punk 24/7, good for you!) Your opinion is one of the few she won’t brush off, so she’ll listen to what you have to say too.

Hanging Out / Having Fun / Random Things

The chaotic, feral energy you guys have is something else, my dude. Just thinking about it gives me shivers (I pray for Aizawa sometimes).

Intense battles of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Just Dance, and Cards Against Humanity every weekend (Bakugou always wins because he gets all the nastiest/funniest cards)

Who you are with the DekuSquad (calm, careful, collected) gets YEETED away when the BakuSquad comes into play. You go batshit, and it feels good! Like, you’re still kind and caring, but you add a dash of crazy in there when Kaminari starts bumping the Crazy Frog song, so you finally decide it’s okay to let loose with them. It’s a full on identity crisis if I’ve ever seen one.

But don’t be mistaken, if ever someone in the squad needs help or is hurt in any way, you’re all over it. You’ll counsel, hug, and/or kill whoever you need to make sure your friends are okay (and vice-versa with everyone else too)

You sometimes train with Bakugou and Kirishima after school. It’s tough, so you don’t do it often, but when you do you never leave feeling you could have put in more effort. Bakugou’s taunts and Kiri’s encouraging words always compel you to give more and more, to the point of you feeling like passing out at the end.

Weird side note: Bakugou’s parents love all of you like you’re their own kids??? IDK why, but I have a feeling if he ever brought the BakuSquad (+ you) home to hang and meet his parents, they would fall in love and adopt you guys faster than Katsuki can say “DIEEE!”

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Both Groups Together

What Do They Think Of You Being In Both Groups

DekuSquad: They don’t care at all. You’re allowed to be friends with whoever you want. True, they’ll be sad when they make plans together but you can’t make it because you’ve already planned to hang with the BakuSquad and get nervous when they see your Snapchat story update that Denki got himself stuck in a trashcan trying to impress you, but that’s okay! They’ll just let you know if anything important or hilarious happens when you're gone! All in all, it’s great.

BakuSquad: They pretty much feel the same as the DekuSquad, who are they to choose who you associate yourself with, but Bakugou is still pissed to this day that you cannot/will not pick a “side”. He honestly sees it as a test, if he can make you officially be in the BakuSquad and not hang out with those “extras” anymore, then he beats Deku in yet another thing. He’ll eventually come to terms with the fact that your friendships and feelings aren’t a game, but he’ll still keep it a personal goal to try and make his group more enjoyable to be around so you potentially be on only his side. The rest of them don’t view you as property to be owned, your life is your life!

Both Hanging Out: Getting Bakugou to chill with “losers” who aren’t his own team is extremely difficult. He doesn’t play nice with others, even sometimes his own squad! But everyone else enjoys the opposite squad’s vibe, so if you guys wanted to have a group movie night or just a massive hang out, everyone would be down! Get ready for countless nights of gossiping with the girls and playing pranks on other students with the boys (and maybe running away from a furious Aizawa)!

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~ THE END! ~

[empirexsin]

A spontaneous 'victory’ kiss where my muse randomly kisses your muse in a crowd of people / @salixxs​

they are a pair that argue often. bickering words that are ended the moment that bruno decides to raise his voice at her. he can yell, and the other ladies who play as his tricks know such a thing. but regardless of whether willow comprehends it or not, it seems she refuses to zip her mouth to not get her into trouble. because bruno finds himself raising his voice, cornering her into rooms, and watching as this hard exterior she is trying to portray before him crumbles. he slams doors. he hits his hands against the surfaces of tables and other furniture to make a loud, surprising bang in another attempt to silence. but silence only works for so long. she'll cry or he'll walk out to leave her to herself. and he tells her he will be taking part of her salary earned even more than usual as a consequence. but somehow each threat ends the same. with an emptiness. because it never becomes true. he'll either spend the wage he's taken on something she likes to give to her, or he 'forgets' to take it at all. because frankly he is fond of willow. ever since he first met her, promising to help her, it seemed that he had fallen a victim of her ways which is no good for a man like him, and no good for her to have a man like him desire her. because he has nothing of value to offer her. but when he had taken willow in, offering her a home, food to eat, and shelter to sleep within, it had seemed all too good to be true, he imagines. as it has been for the other women who work for him, and who have been offered the same things in the same block of apartments. except willow resides in his apartment, within the spare room. the other women across the hall, sleeping, bathing, talking, dressing, eating, doing everything together. women from trying backgrounds who appreciate bruno for the help he offers. whether because they think it is help, or are too deluded to accept that it isn’t. 

and he cannot honestly remember how it all started between he and willow. the back and forth bickering. it wasn’t the sort of dispute where he did remember. it was more of an argument where the little disagreements had ended up so entangled that every new word was treacherously booby-trapped, and in the end, it wasn’t possible to open one’s mouth at all without setting off at least four unexploded mines from earlier conflicts. ‘ don’t you dare speak to me like that willow, after all i do for you, after all i give to you, and you turn around and speak to me as if i’m just another guy kicking you to the curb? i should be a goddamn god to you! for the things i’ve done! ’ but bruno is an entertainer. and these words are entertainment. and entertainment is but a way of escapism - lies. and their arguments are the sort that had just run, and run, and run. until one day, they just run out. but there are good times between them too. times where he cooks them both dinner in silence. when he plays a record on the gramophone, and when he puts a plate of food in front of her to eat. sometimes he’ll pour  wine. sometimes they sit in peaceful silence. other times they speak, and each time they do, he lets her know a little bit more about himself. who he is beyond this occupation he has found himself in. ‘ i used to dance for a living. people do anything when they’re desperate ’. a boy, dancing on the street for nickels and dollars. he remembers one time he hadn’t ate in five days. he’d ate so quickly when he’d been able to afford a loaf of bread that his stomach had started cramping, painfully so.

and they’ve been on the stage. the tricks performing in sultry exotic costumes to appeal to the men who watch in the audience. it works every time. men seeing women on stage, and paying for a quick trip around the neighbourhood, when the show has stopped. and it’s the end of the show, bruno on stage in front of a crowd that is larger than usual. men who wear more expensive suits than his. it is intimidating. but good for business. and they applaud, whistling loudly when the girls curtsey in their dresses, close to lingerie. and bruno goes to turn around, to walk off stage but his face is grabbed at an angle where his eyes close if only because the stage light is so intrusive - piercing right to his eyes, blinding him almost. except now he’s kissing willow. unexpectedly. surprisingly. and her lips are soft like expensive silk sheets he wished he could afford to roll around in all day. and her hands against his face, holding him to the kiss feel as if they suddenly have enough strength of a thousand men to keep him there. and what is he doing? kissing one of his tricks. groups of women do not enjoy the beginning sights or obvious view of favoritism. and this could be disputed by the way he and willow argue at times, always seemingly ending with her and a tear-stained, red face. but he feels regardless of this kiss happening now, he favorites her because he likes willow. and that is a dangerous thing when his heart is filled with nothing but poison, and he has nothing to offer her aside from manipulation and exploitation. because he exists to self indulge, he thinks. and there is no ‘us’ and ‘we’ in self. 

but now he is pushing willow away, gently, reluctantly, if only because it occurs to him how this act affects business. how men will start to think kissing is okay. how the women will complain because they will have to argue with their customers that they can’t, and the men will say ‘ well, your master did it on stage, you fucking whore ’. he’ll lose money. he’ll lose women. “ and that’s one trick that is kept on stage! ” and he makes a joke of it, men laughing, some standing to get a better view of the women sauntering off, or because they want to visit the dressing room to ask for time alone. and now bruno is grabbing willow’s wrist, dragging her off stage with the rest of the women but pulling her into a dark spot back-stage as the women walk past, leaving bruno to scowl. “ what are you doing? you don’t do that willow, what the...are you...are you trying to run me out of business? to get the girls to hate you? to not make money for yourself? ” he stares at her, intense - eyes exploring hers for answers. “ talk to me! ” 

[fantastic-rambles]

Black Beast, Silver Blade [3]

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Characters: Akutagawa Gin, Ozaki Kouyou, Dazai Osamu, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Nakahara Chuuya (briefly)

Warnings: Violence/homicide, mild gore, some angst, idk.

Word Count: 3.4k

"If you're his mentor, then isn't it your responsibility to look out for him?" Ozaki's voice was lightly venomous. Gin had never heard her speak in such a tone before, so instead of walking past the older woman's sitting room, she cautiously peered inside. A pot of tea had been set out on the table, but neither Ozaki nor the young man sitting across from her seemed to be touching their cups. Gin's heart skipped a beat as she recognized the heavily bandaged man swathed in black. If Dazai was here, was it somehow related to Ryuu?

"You know I have to stay with Chuuya-kun this time," Dazai retorted, leaning back on the couch. His eyes flicked to the doorway, widening fractionally as he noticed the girl watching them, and then he smiled as if he'd been expecting it all along. "Why don't we let Gin-chan decide, since she'd be the one in danger? Come in, come in."

He flapped his hand at her, but she hesitated on the threshold, looking toward her teacher. Ozaki was frowning slightly as she also turned her head to look at Gin, but she eventually nodded reluctantly, and Gin stepped lightly into the room, stopping when she stood at Ozaki's shoulder. She waited quietly, suppressing her presence as she had been taught, as she fixed her eyes on the youngest Executive of the Port Mafia.

He hadn't changed much since the last time she'd seen him, and she found herself wondering about his bandages once more. He didn't seem like someone who could be injured so badly, given that he'd apparently single-handedly taken down a small gang without lifting a finger, and yet, she never saw him without them.

"Yah, Gin-chan, you're as cute as always!" Dazai exclaimed cheerfully, though the steadiness of his gaze didn't falter. Even so, Gin could feel herself coloring, and she inclined her head slightly in silent thanks.

"Anyways, I was just talking with Kouyou-san about how I need someone to hold A-kun's leash for a little while," Dazai continued. "She thinks--and I agree--that you're not ready for a mission of this level yet, but there's also nobody else who could handle it without losing an arm, at the very least. We're planning a raid on one of our best suppliers because they've been skimming enough off the top that they think they have a chance at taking us on. To teach them the error of their ways and make sure that none of them slip through the cracks, I want to have a team go in from each side and trap them in a pincer attack. Based purely on strength, the vanguards would be Chuuya-kun and A-kun, but I'm worried about both of them losing control during the fight. I'm the only one who can stop Chuuya-kun if that happens, but your brother will probably listen to you, right?"

Gin frowned slightly beneath the mask that she'd taken to wearing. Ryuu had never been particularly inclined to obey anyone else, and these days, the only person whose words he seemed to hang onto were Dazai's. But before she could respond, Ozaki interrupted, jabbing in his direction accusingly.

"Tell her the truth, Dazai. It's not that you think she can control him, but that if he savages her, there's a chance he'll come to his senses. I thought that we all agreed to keep their relationship a secret so they can't be used against each other: if you do this, who knows what rumors will start? Unless you're hoping that Akutagawa-kun will kill Gin to remove that weakness."

"Aiya, aiya, you're too suspicious, Kouyou-san!" Dazai reprimanded the other executive. "Okay, yes, you're right: I think A-kun would recognize Gin-chan and hesitate to raise a hand against her, which means she can push him in the right direction during our raid. But I really don't want her to die! If A-kun actually killed her, or even if she died because of a situation that he got her involved in, he'd probably be of no more use to the Port Mafia!"

Although he spoke jokingly, Gin had to repress a shudder. It wasn't that she was afraid of Ryuu, or of death. But the way Dazai had said he would be "of no more use" so carelessly, as if her brother was simply a tool that would be discarded if it broke, was an icy blade in her heart. Both of them knew that Ryuu's mentor was just this sort of cold and logical man, but it still scared her to think what would happen if the only man her brother respected, the one who had given Ryuu a reason to live, abandoned him. And on top of that, if she was no longer there…

But if she wasn't there and Ryuu turned his fangs on his allies, he would either be killed by the Mafia or blacklisted if he somehow managed to survive.

"I'll do it," she said softly. She couldn't see Ozaki's expression from where she was standing, but she could read her mentor's feelings anyways in the way the older woman tensed. She was happy to know that Ozaki cared for her, but this was something that she couldn't back down from, and she was relieved when Ozaki didn't try to dissuade her. Instead, the executive addressed her next words to her counterpart.

"It has to be tonight?"

"Yup! I've already sent out the call to muster, so we're committed now!" Dazai stood up, brushing off his pants and clearly indicating that the meeting was over. As he passed Gin, he pulled a twist of paper from the pocket of his coat and offered it to her. Knowing that it was probably information regarding where she had to rendezvous, she accepted it silently.

"Tonight, then!" he reminded her brightly before he left. Afterwards, the room was filled with a tense silence, and Gin wondered if she should just leave. But then Ozaki sighed, taking another cup from the tray and filling it with tea before placing it beside her own.

"Sit down, Gin."

Quietly, she obeyed, taking a seat beside the older woman and turning her head to look at Ozaki. She was startled when her mentor suddenly reached out and placed a hand on her cheek, and she could feel the warmth even through the thin cloth.

"Poor child," Ozaki murmured, her expression soft and a little sad. "I wish that I could come with you, but I have a meeting with an important partner tonight. Which Dazai must have known."

Her eyes flashed with momentary irritation, and again, Gin felt a deep appreciation and sympathy for the woman who had been taking care of her. She herself would feel more confident if Ozaki were beside her tonight, but Dazai was always quite deliberate in his actions, despite how frivolous he seemed. If the situation really was as dangerous as he had suggested, then perhaps this was a test for Ryuu, to determine whether he would be able to expend his powers to the fullest without losing control: if Ozaki were there, even just as backup, he could afford to hold back.

But then Ozaki turned away to pick up the teacup, offering it to Gin with steady hands. Hesitantly, Gin unhooked her mask, smoothing it flat in her lap, before accepting the offering, the delicate porcelain rattling slightly on its saucer. She waited for the other woman to raise her own cup, then took a sip of the lukewarm tea. They drank in silence, and when Gin had finished, she reached out to place the cup back on the table and rose to her feet. After she had resettled her mask on her face, she bowed deeply to Ozaki.

"Thank you for your guidance."

"Come back." Ozaki's voice was low and fierce. "Whatever happens, stay alive: you and your brother. And come back to me. I'm not done with you yet."

"Thank you," Gin repeated softly, hoping that she would be able to obey the command. When her mentor said nothing else, she retreated, unfolding the paper that Dazai had given her and memorizing its contents before tearing it to pieces and disposing of it.

She had hoped that she would have the opportunity to speak to her brother before the raid, but he hadn't come home for dinner. So now she was elbowing her way through the foot soldiers--drawing more than one curious glance--and making her way to the front of the lines. One man tried to waylay her, but he immediately let go of her arm when she slashed her knife at him, leaving the faintest trail of blood across his throat. After that, she was given enough of a berth to let her slide through the crowd, preceded by a low murmur. Thus, when she finally emerged, both Dazai and Ryuu were waiting for her, and Ryuu's eyes widened with shock and recognition.

"You--" he took a step forward, but his movement was arrested by Dazai's arm across his chest.

"Akutagawa, this is Gin, one of Kouyou's subordinates. I've borrowed him to reinforce this side since I need to be with Chuuya-kun. Gin, I'm sure that you've heard of Akutagawa? I hope that the two of you can get along," Dazai introduced Gin blandly. Gin inclined her head slightly in silent greeting while Ryuu just continued to stare at her. Finally, he turned away.

"I don't need his support. He'll just get in the way," Ryuu retorted, sliding his hands into his pockets. Grinning, Dazai slapped him on the shoulder.

"Well, if he does, I'd rather you don't kill him. Kouyou would be upset with me." Apparently satisfied that Ryuu wasn't going to make a scene, Dazai sauntered away while Gin advanced until she was standing just behind her brother.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed. Glancing over her shoulder at the assembled men and women, Gin was satisfied that they were keeping enough of a respectful distance that the siblings could speak quietly together without being overheard.

"Dazai-san asked me to come. I agreed," she replied calmly. "He thought that it would be a good test of my progress without putting me in serious danger since you'd be here. And I think that he's concerned that I won't be able to kill actual people."

She lied smoothly, having rehearsed it in her head for hours as she'd waited for Ryuu. She hated having to lie to him, but she had quickly come to the conclusion that it was better than the alternative. The truth would only hurt him, knowing that the man who he respected so dearly doubted his ability, and her story was plausible enough. It might even be true: Dazai was someone who always saw several moves ahead and rarely did anything for simply one reason.

"It's fine if you can't."

"This is my choice."

Before Ryuu could continue to argue, his walkie-talkie squawked, and he turned to face the assembled forces, raising a hand.

"Five minutes."

As he turned back around, he caught sight of Gin's raised eyebrow and explained, "They'd get in my way."

Then his cloak warped, darting forward in dark blades to slice apart the heavy steel doors and send them crashing to the ground in pieces. Before the dust had settled, he sprang forward, and Gin followed at his heels. As the sound of gunfire echoed in her ears, she sprang off to the side, her eyes picking out features in the gritty haze: piles of shipping containers, a narrow walkway, frequent muzzle flashes. Then the crash of metal, screams, the bitter copper tang of blood.

Leaving Ryuu to his work, she ran silently along the wall of the warehouse, scanning her surroundings for a way up. He could handle the forces on the floor, but anyone on the walkway would be out of his reach, so she couldn't leave them be. If his men were five minutes behind him, there wouldn't be a need for her to be by his side until they caught up, so until then, she could act on her own to keep him safe.

When a flimsy aluminum ladder materialized in front of her, she quickly climbed up, peering over the top. But none of the men were looking at her, as they were focused on the carnage below them, so she crawled over the edge, staying low as she snuck up on the closest of them. Truthfully, though, she needn't have bothered: the man was screaming curses as his machine gun chattered away, and he only became aware of her presence in the moment that her left hand wrapped over his mouth and her right hand drew her knife across his throat. Instantly, she released him, and he fell to his knees, his hands reaching up to try to staunch the flow of his blood as she silently cursed herself for not cutting deeply enough to make a clean kill.

But he would die soon enough. Leaving him where he was, she ghosted up to the next shooter, her left hand gripping her right wrist tightly to try to stop its tremors. Something must have alerted her target, though, because he suddenly spun toward her, and she had a brief, terrifying moment of staring down the barrel of his gun before she ducked and rolled forward, slamming into his legs and knocking him into his companion, sending both of them sprawling to the ground. Gin, on the other hand, had risen to her knees and lunged forward, planting her weapon squarely in the man's throat and ripping it sideways, releasing a fountain of blood that drenched her and made her shudder. Her other assailant was struggling to untangle his own gun, giving her precious few seconds to reach up and slam the heel of her hand into his nose, driving the nasal bone into the brain.

And then a concussive force slammed against her left shoulder. Gasping, she retreated as a trail of bullets followed her, clinking against the metal with more than a few burning through her flesh. And then a louder roar echoed from behind her, making her flinch and drop to the ground as feet pounded by her.

"Are you alright, sir?" A hand landed on her injured shoulder, and she jerked away from the touch as the reinforcements rushed down the walkway to clean up the rest of the smugglers. Glancing over the edge, she saw the troops that Ryuu had held back surging up the warehouse in a black wave toward a figure of wild and concentrated violence. The other side of the warehouse was apparently in the process of being flattened, with dented and distorted shipping containers flying through the air. Waving off the man's concern, she stood on shaky legs, gripping the railing with her good hand and swinging over the edge, dropping onto a pile of containers, and rolling forward to decrease the impact. Her right leg cried out in pain as it was jolted, and she bit the inside of her cheek to avoid crying out herself as she looked down at it.

There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it, other than two holes that bled freely. There wasn't time to treat it properly, not if she was going to catch up to Ryuu, so she used her knife to cut off her left sleeve, wrapping it tightly around her leg to put pressure on the wounds and slow the bleeding. Then she stumbled forward, using the containers as an upper road that kept her out of the potential crossfire as she approached the maelstrom of cloth.

She paused just outside of his range, dropping down to solid ground with a wince. As she peered around the edge of the container, her heart ached to see Ryuu staggering, covered in blood, as Rashoumon whipped around him, devouring bodies with a ravenous hunger. The screams echoed in her ears even though she'd been half-deafened by the machine gun fire on the walkway, before they were abruptly silenced. But at least it was almost over: the rattling of gunfire was more sporadic now, some of their enemies throwing aside weapons and raising their arms in surrender.

And then she saw one pair of dark jaws flying towards a man kneeling on the ground. Without thinking, she ran forward, throwing herself between the two of them. With unexpected force, the beast slammed into her, its momentum driving her into the side of another storage container and making her cough and struggle to draw breath as the air was driven out of her lungs.

"Ryuu," she gasped. She didn't know if he heard her as sharp teeth pricked at her sides, and she castigated herself mentally: the man wasn't even one of theirs, but an enemy. What did it matter if he died? That was the point of this raid, after all. And yet, striking down someone who had lost the will to fight... how could she allow it?

Too soft, a voice whispered in her head. The iron jaws released her before floating back to Ryuu's side, leaving her to slide down the corrugated steel, still fighting to breathe. A sharp pain stabbed her side as she inhaled shallowly, fighting the urge to cough that would undoubtedly make it worse. Foolish, weak, still hiding behind your brother.

An ominous-looking ball flew toward her, but she just stared at it, unable to move. It crashed into the container, crumpling it inwards as easily as if it were a tin can, and she gazed at the enormous hole beside her with wide-eyed surprise.

"Alright, alright, good job everyone!"

A familiar voice rang out in the silence that was settling over the warehouse, and Gin couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief that made her wince. Glancing over, she saw Dazai standing nearby, his hand wrapped around a shorter man's wrist: Nakahara Chuuya, she guessed. Nakahara's skin was covered with dark marks that were retreating from their point of contact in a slow crawl that made her uneasy. Ryuu stood a short distance away from them, his coat no longer a mass of blades, but shining with a dampness that made it glisten ominously. But he remained in control of himself and his ability: a small blessing.

Gingerly, Gin rose to her own feet, using the remains of the container to support herself. The movement seemed to capture Dazai's attention, and he released Nakahara, who fell to the ground in a limp, boneless collapse that suggested he was unconscious. Before she realized it, the Executive was standing beside her, his hand under her elbow steadying her. Ryuu was only a few steps behind him.

"Akutagawa, take Gin to the medics, will you? And then you'll wait to get patched up too. I'll take care of the rest here."

"But Dazai-san--"

"That's an order, Akutagawa. Both of you did well."

Ryuu closed his mouth and bent over slightly to wrap his arm around her shoulders. Bands of soft, dark cloth curled around her torso so that she was barely standing, her weight almost entirely supported by her brother.

"Thank you, Ryuu," Gin whispered. But he just shook his head in response, guiding her away from Dazai and the carnage. Now that the fighting was over, he didn't seem to be in much better shape than she was: he was breathing heavily, and not all of the blood that drenched his cloak seemed to be the enemy's. But there was a fierce gleam in his eye as they walked towards the exit, his weakness concealed by a strong sense of pride that kept every step firm. For Gin, though, it was all that she could do to not lean against him, to reassure herself that he was really there. But Dazai had gone to so much trouble to keep their relationship a secret, to give Ryuu excuses for his behavior. She couldn't risk it all for a moment of self-indulgence: that could wait until they returned home together.

As they walked together, Gin wondered again about the purpose of this exercise. It hadn't seemed like Ryuu had lost control: was it intended as a test for her, after all? Or did her brother simply have a better grasp of his ability than his mentor expected?

And then she smiled slightly, her expression hidden by her mask. They were both badly injured, but they'd survived. That was all that mattered.

[sweetsweetnathan]

A Little Prick (Robyn x Yugiri)

[About 1500 words. With great reluctance Robyn begins his training under Yugiri. But to adopt the way of the ninja, Robyn has to first give something up...]

(Previous chapter here)

Loath as Robyn was to accept tutelage from someone whose superiority over him he considered suspect, orders were orders. Robyn returned the next day bright and early in the morning ready to take on whatever challenge Yugiri's training threw at him. For Yugiri's part, she stood out in front of the warehouse they had fought the night before, directing a group of Maelstrom dockhands as they unloaded various supplies for supporting the upcoming operation: Training dummies, training clothes, training weapons, and knives. Lots of knives. And for everything the workers had, Yugiri found a place, turning the abandoned warehouse into the headquarters of the operation... "Whatever that operation actually is," Robyn thought. With this in mind, Robyn sidled up to Yugiri as she gave orders to the workers and mumbled, "So, uh, what is the upcoming operation?" "Good morning, Robyn. That will be revealed when I'm convinced it's actually possible to train you." She said flatly. Robyn was aghast at her skepticism. "What, you think I can't handle learning your little martial arts tricks?" He demanded. Yugiri sighed, "The very fact that you think of them as 'tricks' is a bad sign. Though granted, I perceive your use of 'magic' as a trick. But we must learn to accept our differences in order to better each other." Robyn heard all these words, understood them, and even went so far as to internally appreciate the logic in them. However, Yugiri led her point with that weary sigh. Still slighted against Yugiri's every utterance, he said, "Jeez, you take these things very seriously." Yugiri turned towards him and spoke with immediate bitterness, "Perhaps I was speaking too imprecisely, Robyn. Allow me to rectify that: I said we must learn to accept our differences to better each other. I have accepted these differences. Despite this pointless ill intent you have shown me, I am aware of your history in fighting the Empire. You could be a valuable ally. But now you must decide if you're going to go back to your commanders in the Alliance and tell them you can't be trained, or if you're going to stay here, learn the fighting techniques I have to teach you, and appreciate some damn differences." By the time Yugiri reached her point the workers had overheard, stopped in their work, and turned to gawk at her dressing-down of Robyn. Robyn felt the weight of shame descend harshly upon him. He hated the situation: He knew she was right. He knew he was acting idiotic, irrational, prideful, and worst of all, unproductive. He knew that not only could he be a valuable ally to Yugiri, but Yugiri was there expressly to be an ally to him as well. There was nothing but benefit to what Yugiri was offering him. "But how am I supposed to admit to that?" Robyn wondered. He had worked with people before, but he always kept them at arms-length, never testing the hypothesis formed by his silent superiority complex. Rarely did it come out that he thought of himself as a more powerful mage or more intelligent person than other people. Though he expected if these secret beliefs did become well-known then he wouldn't be working with anyone for long. With Yugiri, however, that aggrandizing perception Robyn had of himself was the first thing she found out about him. And now that someone actually knew about those feelings Robyn didn't actually know how to deal with that person. Robyn's nerves told him to double down, never give her an inch of authority lest she find an opportunity to turn the dynamic against him and make him the inferior one. Possibly the worst part of the whole situation, from Robyn's perspective, was that Yugiri wasn't even looking for such opportunities. She was offering to be equals! "Like that'll ever happen," Robyn thought, "how could it? Let's say she trains me in her combat techniques and somehow fashions my body into a fit, fighting weapon. What could I offer her in return?" Robyn got to thinking about just that... But before Robyn could brood for another moment, the reality of the situation suddenly set in on him. So he shifted uncomfortably under the eyes of Yugiri's workforce and mumbled, "What did you have in mind to practice just today?" Robyn breathed out, relieved that his instincts provided him with these words. He didn't "think" to say this exactly. He was well aware of how moody he was, but related to that temperamental behavior (either caused by it or causing it) was his ability to act with more certainty than he consciously had. And the conclusion they provided was a good one: Robyn feared for being inferior in the face of what Yugiri could provide him. It evoked an instinct to "show her up". Lacking an idea of just how to do that, Robyn was scared. But he decided that he didn't have to show her up just yet. He could bide his time, suffer her training, and do it when the time was right. Yugiri nodded. She wasn't happy with her new protege's enthusiasm, but she was willing to work with it. "Good," she said, "thank you. Although I'll warn you that the first step might be the most unpleasant one." - "Why am I naked?" Robyn asked himself aloud. There was no one in the room with him, so he was comfortable announciating his concerns. "Well I guess I'm not naked. I have a towel. But... Why? Why did the Alliance send me here? Why am I in this humid fucking place lying face-down on a table waiting for my weirdo teacher to tell me what's what? Why?" It was on a table in a back room of the warehouse that Robyn found himself. The sun beat down mercilessly on the warehouse's facade, and the proximity to the ocean turned the building into a muggy sauna. Having grown up in the desert, Robyn found this atmosphere absolutely objectionable. Finally, mercifully, Yugiri opened the door and entered, bringing with her a gust of fresh air and a pair of thin Doman Au Ra women carrying satchels. "Robyn, meet Kokoro and Takaki. They're practitioners of a Doman art called 'acupuncture'. Are you familiar with it?" "Uh. I'm familiar with the theory. I would love for you to explain to me the practical application before you stick anything in me though." Yugiri spoke in a language unfamiliar to Robyn, after which Kokoro and Takaki trotted over to Robyn's flanks. They spoke the same language, smiling at each other. It only made Robyn more tense. Yugiri came and stood close to the table, guiding Robyn from behind to lie flat. "You are quite skilled in magic. Both of us know this. All of your reflexes are tied up in years of training with magic. Casting spells is as much a form of self-expression for you as speaking." "She's quite eloquent." Robyn resisted the thought, but could not help but notice. Yugiri went on, "For that reason we will need to silence your magical abilities if you are to learn the ways of combat." "What?!" Robyn jerked up involuntarily, but lying face-down on a table is not the easiest position to raise oneself from, so Yugiri easily pushed him back down. "Remain calm," her voice was stern, "it is a reversible process. In fact, I have instructed my friends to create a 'fail safe' of sorts." Robyn gritted his teeth and tried to maintain a level head. I was the most self control he had exercised since he had met Yugiri, and it was out of necessity. To put it mildly he did not want to lose access to magic. "Explain to me precisely what you intend to do, Yugiri." "The first half of our days will begin with these acupuncture sessions. They will last four hours, so I have also prepared a tutor to help you begin learning the Doman language during the time you spend immobilized on this table. We will need three weeks of sessions in order to properly condition your body for the fail safe. The acupuncture will paralyze what you know as 'aetheric nodes'. My people call them 'Chakras'. Whatever their name, they seize up under physical strain. My friends will use their needles to induce this state over and over again until it is the natural state of your Chakras. This process is usually undergone by criminals in Doma as a punishment for using magic irresponsibly. But unlike them, you'll have a method of getting your magic back. After three weeks your nodes will be paralyzed, but the rest of your muscles will also be reshaped. That's where the fail safe is: There is a pressure point in the center of your chest that will undo the process if sufficient pressure is placed on it. You can try to press that point yourself, but it's unlikely you'll be able to without a few years of training. Chances are that I am the only one on this side of the planet who can press it. If we find ourselves in over our heads during our operations, I will activate the fail safe and you can use your magic as normal. The second half of our day will be combat training. The style I'll be teaching you is called ninjutsu. It is the art of asymmetrical warfare. We will train with hidden knives, throwing weapons, and study the strategies of espionage. I cannot yet disclose our ultimate goal, but part of the reason you were chosen to undergo this training was because you can blend in better with Imperials than I can. This training is meant to prepare you for fighting suddenly, in close quarters, and in situations where stealth and misdirection are key." So Robyn's ninja training began with session after session of tiny needles piercing Robyn's skin in that boiling-hot room.

[babsxkean]

jimbabs playlist - teenage edition 

From Day One to Forever

April 14, 1992 

She’s always hated coming to these parties. 

Her parents stuff her into some hideous tulle confection that her mother has the temerity to call a dress, curling Babs’s red hair -- her best feature, according to Mrs. Kean -- and painting her face so that it looked dewy, one of her mother’s favorite words to describe her appearance and therefore one that Babs loathes with particular intensity. They steer her around like a dog at Westminster, and Babs is forced to smile while men old enough to be her father leer at her, and women praise her looks and her figure and her sweet disposition, as if she’s nothing more than a doll, rather than a young woman burning with resentment and with a longing for freedom.

But then again, it’s at one of these parties that she meets Jim Gordon, so in retrospect, she supposes they aren’t so bad after all.

She manages to sneak away for a cigarette, leaning against the balcony railing with the cigarette poised between her fingers, a thin tendril of smoke curling up into the sky. Staring out at the familiar cityscape sprawling far below her, she wonders what it would be like to live anywhere else. L.A., New York, Miami, Seattle...anywhere would be better than Gotham. 

Specifically, anywhere would be better away from her parents. She’s been raised in the lap of luxury, in this beautiful house, but this place has always been cold, more like a museum than a home. And she’s simply one of the exhibits.

Babs hears footsteps behind her, and she sighs, expecting it to be one of her parents come to collect her. When she turns around, though, she sees an unfamiliar face -- and, she can’t help but notice, a rather gorgeous one. A shaggy blonde fringe sets off bright blue eyes, which study her framed by sculpted features and a strong jaw. 

“Who are you?” she says, and her life changes.

April 28, 1992

Two weeks later, and they’re inseparable -- but he still hasn’t kissed her yet.

It’s driving her crazy, and she’s starting to worry that he actually doesn’t like her all that much. Although why else he would be coming to her house, risking the attention of her parents, she can’t even begin to guess. So he must like her, but if he likes her, why won’t he kiss her?

They’re sitting by the Kean family pool, their feet in the water. Jim has chivalrously lent her his jacket, draped around her slender shoulders. She’s listening to him talk, or at least she’s trying to listen -- but all she can focus on is how very much she wants his lips on hers, those warm, broad palms of his settling on her waist as he pulls her closer.

He’s in the middle of saying something about the baseball team, which she frankly has never paid one bit of attention to before now, when she reaches for his face and turns it toward hers. “Jim,” she sighs, her tone a mixture of affection and impatience.

She kisses him, wrapping one arm around his neck and curling her free hand into the material of his t-shirt. As she hoped he would, he grabs her around the waist and tugs her closer, kissing her back with flattering and reassuring enthusiasm. 

It seems that he does like her after all.

June 14, 1992

“I love you,” she says.

If she’s being honest, she’s wanted to say it before tonight. But she kept telling herself that it was too soon, that she would scare him away. And even by the night by the pool, she knew that losing Jim would break her heart.

But it’s been two months, and they’re alone by the bay, Jim holding her from behind and his chin on her shoulder, both of them facing the water. It’s easier to say it when they stand like this, when she can’t see his face. 

She’s forming a vague plan to just throw herself into the water from the bridge when he kisses her cheek and says into her ear: “I love you, too.”

August 22, 1992

Their first time takes place only yards away from their first kiss, on the foldout couch in the pool house. Maybe it’s not the most romantic of places, but it’s theirs; her parents almost never come in here. The doors lock and Babs has the only key. She thinks they’ve mostly furnished this little house because it’s a status symbol -- not only to have a pool house, period, but to have it fully bedecked with elegant furniture, including a TV and a VCR. 

They spend most of their time here when Jim comes over. Usually, they just curl up together on the couch, Jim’s arm around her and her head nestled against his shoulder as they watch TV or a movie. More than once, when they sit like this, Babs thinks that she’s never felt so safe.

Of course, cuddling and watching television isn’t all they do. Every time Jim kisses her makes her feel like she’s burning up in the most wonderful way, and so she’ll often pass an evening or a Saturday afternoon in a state of feverish pleasure, kissing him over and over again. Lingering, sweet kisses; playful pecks between their conversations; deep kisses that have an edge she is entirely unfamiliar with but is more than willing to explore.

It’s these kisses that take them further than they’ve been before. Often when they kiss like this, it’s Jim who pulls away. He doesn’t want to push her, he says. 

But tonight, as he pulls back, she winds her arms around his neck and kisses him again. “I don’t want to stop,” she says, almost pleading. 

He looks at her for a moment, studying her eyes as if trying to ascertain if she’s serious. She bits her lip and looks up at him, nodding. “Jim, please,” she says. “I mean it. I’m ready, I swear.”

Even more than a physical desire, which is undoubtedly there, she wants the world to narrow down to just the two of them. That’s all she ever wants now. To be swept up in this strong, steady boy who loves her, if only for a little while; and maybe when she comes back to herself, she can carry some of his strength and steadiness with her.

Afterward, they curl together under a blanket, like they’ve done hundreds of times before. The difference now is that she is vitally aware that nothing separates them beneath the blanket, that every inch of her skin is exposed and brushing every now and again against his, each time with a thrilling little frisson. 

She hurts, a little, but it’s not bad. Definitely not as bad as some of her friends made it seem like it would. There’s an ache, and she thinks the difference between her and many of the other girls she knows is that, for them, it’s the ache of something taken; whereas for her, it’s the ache of something willingly given that has left behind something new and tender. 

“Are you okay?”

It’s the fourth time he’s asked this. 

She turns her head to kiss his cheek. “Yes, Jim. I would tell you if I wasn’t.”

They fall asleep like that, and she has to wake him up and kiss him goodbye in a rush just after midnight. Even with this small moment of panic, in which Jim dashes out of the house with, somehow, his shirt on backwards, she doesn’t think she’s ever been happier.

January 5, 1993

She can’t stop crying.

“I’m sorry,” she says, over and over. She can’t stop. Her arms are around Jim’s neck and she’s hiding her face against his chest. She can’t look at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

She’s ruined his life, she’s ruined hers. At least that’s what her mother says. Mrs. Kean had wanted Babs to get rid of it without even telling Jim, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t get rid of it at all. 

Because it, for worse or for better, was a baby. Hers and Jim’s baby. Her greatest fear, her only fear, is that Jim will leave -- or his parents will make him leave. The Gordons have never been anything less than kind to her, but right now, she can’t think straight. 

In between desperate, hitching sobs, she tells him, because she won’t do what her mother wants her to do, her parents have kicked her out of the house. “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” she whispers.

Jim manages to pry her off his neck, and even though it feels like forcing boulders out of her mouth, together they tell her parents. “She doesn’t have anywhere to go,” Jim says, clasping Babs to his side as if he’s afraid someone will try to take her away from him.

She’s stopped crying, but tears are still trickling intermittently down her cold cheeks. Mrs. Gordon approaches her, tilts her chin up with one finger, and wipes the tears away with another.

“She’ll stay here,” Mrs. Gordon says firmly. 

Babs looks up at her. “What?”

“You’ll stay here,” Mrs. Gordon repeats. “You’re family now. And I can promise you this, dear, we’ll treat you with the love and support you deserve. Your parents clearly never appreciated what they had in you, but we will.”

Babs hiccups, and then manages to find a smile.

September 23, 1993

“I want to name her Barbara.”

“But your--”

“I know what my own name is, Jim. That’s why I want to name her Barbara. If she was a boy, nobody would think twice if we named her James Jr., so why can’t I name her after myself? I’m the one who was just in labor for 49 hours. What did you do?”

Jim laughs, even though she’s being completely serious. “Well, okay,” he says. “We’ll name her Barbara Lee, how does that sound?”

“Barbara Lee Gordon,” she says softly. “Yes, that sounds nice.”

April 14, 2000

She puts the flower basket into Barbara’s hands, kneeling down in her white dress so that she’s on her daughter’s eye level. “So you know what to do, right?”

Barbara, seven years old with the Kean red hair, tosses her head impatiently in such a Babs-like manner that she has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. “Yeah, I know,” she says. “I grab some petals and I throw them.”

“On the floor,” Babs specifies. “In front of you.”

“Yeah.”

“Not at people.”

“I know!”

“Alright, alright,” Babs says, kissing her daughter’s forehead. “I just wanted to be sure. Today is a special day for all of us.”

She and Jim had discussed getting married a few times since they’d had Barbara, but Babs has always been insistent that it be because they loved each other and wanted to spend their lives together, not just because she’d had Jim’s baby. 

It was one thing to say forever when you were sixteen and caught up in the emotional whirlwind that came with a newborn. She had known, almost from the start, that she wanted to be with Jim for the rest of her life; but she had wanted, almost desperately, for them to be as normal of a couple as possible, despite their circumstances. And a normal couple waited, and spent years together, and grew together before they got married. 

Then Jim had joined the army, the longest two years of Babs’s life. Every time there had been an unexpected knock at the door, her heart had jumped into her throat. Of course, now that he’s home, he’s become a cop, which is only an improvement in that he comes home every night -- well, most nights -- and she knows where to reach him. 

But then again, there was never any doubt in her mind that Jim would have gone into some recklessly noble profession, in order to protect the city that he loves; the fact that she sincerely doubts anyone can really save Gotham is something she does her best to keep to herself. 

She had known he was going to propose almost as soon as he returned home. She hadn’t found the ring itself, but she’d found the receipt; and she’d spent days in a feverish anticipation that became more and more panic-stricken as time wore on. What if he’d changed his mind? Was it possible he’d met someone else? She certainly couldn’t ask him about any of this, because she wasn’t even supposed to know!

And then one night, he took her to one of her favorite restaurants, where the dress code was strictly black tie and the wine was served in crystal glasses. She had expected it to hide the ring in the champagne, or the dessert -- although personally she’d never understood that, considering that seemed like such a choking hazard, and an expensive one at that -- but they ordered both, and no dice. 

Or no ring, rather.

Babs was distinctly put out, and increasingly nervous, so when they got home, she almost didn’t notice. Her favorite flowers were set out in a vase on the coffee table, two lit tapers on either side throwing warm, flickering shadows over the petals and a box of the Belgian chocolates that she loved. 

When Jim cleared his throat, Babs turned around to find him on one knee, the ring box open in his hand. “Oh, I hate you,” she said, starting to laugh and cry at the same time.

But of course she said yes.

They hadn’t really wanted a big wedding, which had surprised people when it came to Babs. The only material thing she really cared about was the dress -- she had longed since she was a little girl to look like a princess at her wedding. Everything else, she was more than happy to compromise with Jim about. 

Only three people really matter today -- first is Babs herself, of course. She is the bride, after all.

And then there’s Barbara, who walks ahead of her mother down the aisle, dutifully scattering rose petals before taking a seat next to Jim’s mother, who sat front and center on Jim’s side of the church. The fact that Babs’s side was nearly empty was something she resolutely pushed from her mind. 

The only other person who matters today is standing in front of her at the altar, wearing a finely tailored suit and a smile so wide it makes her chest hurt. God, he was handsome. For eight years, he had been such a rock for her, the first person in her life to ever really show her that she was worthy of love, to love her at all.

Her own parents aren’t here, but she doesn’t care. Jim’s father walks her down the aisle, and she feels like the pace is too slow; she just wants to be married to him already. Suddenly, it seems like she’s been waiting for this particular moment forever, and she realizes she wouldn’t care if it was just her, and Jim, and Barbara here with the minister.

She doesn’t realize her fingers are trembling out of sheer nerves until Jim’s hands are grasping hers, and he steadies her. Just like he always has. 

“I, Barbara, take you, James…”

Has she ever called him James before? Anyway. Focus, Babs.

“...to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse…”

The vows seem to take forever, especially since she’s terrified of flubbing and coming off like an idiot. Which is so entirely not the point right now, but she is who she is.

Then finally, finally, the minister says, “You may kiss the bride.”

And she kisses her husband. 

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x09-- The One Where The Sun Comes Out

This episode was way more engaging than the last. I talk a lot about Maia in this one; the writers finally figured out how to use her!

Reasons I shouldn’t write recaps after a year without seeing an episode: I forget basic stuff, like that it rained for all of season 3. You know, because ATMOSPHERE and WEIRDNESS and QUIRK. And SYMBOLISM. Can’t forget symbolism. 

To be fair to the writers, it did rain a lot last year. All I remember about the month of June is rain. They predict everything. 

Maia’s new job at a call center (I can’t recall if we’d seen her at the call center before this episode) is something she takes very seriously. Just kidding. She acts disdainful towards anyone who dares ask for her help and then hangs up on them. On one hand, this seems like a terrible job so I get her “fuck it all” attitude. On the other, she’s being suuuuuper bratty.

Right. I refreshed my memory. We did see Maia at this job in an earlier episode. 

Consult-a-Lawyer is where all the LGwhatever rejects go. Sounds miserable. 

Blum walks in, and Maia makes a, “Oh God, THIS asshole” face. Coincidentally, this is also the face I’m making as I realize I’m going to have to listen to this loud man I had blocked from my mind yell obscene things for two more episodes. 

Blum wants to hire Maia. She agrees, as does her friend Lili. I believe Maia has other choices (remember how she turned down Diane’s offers to help when they weren’t exactly what she wanted?) but also, yeah, I’d want to get the hell out of Consult-a-Lawyer too. 

Now it is hailing. Everyone from RBL is in blue. Remember those picspams we all used to make where we’d oversaturate the background to make everything blue? I wouldn’t need to oversaturate this image to make the blue pop. 

I truly don’t understand why the main page of All Access thinks I am in the middle of some random season 2 episode when I am clearly in the middle of 3x09. When I click on the show, it understands that I’m in the middle of 3x09 and allows me to resume watching. Why wouldn’t you optimize your homepage to encourage people to keep watching!? (All Access isn’t alone in this: HBO Go also makes it very hard to figure out where I left off when watching a series.) 

So, because Carl Reddick was a sexual harasser and RBL covered it up, ChumHum is insisting on an internal investigation, led by a woman who is-- you guessed it-- quirky. And even worse, it’s one of the quirks that’s actually not funny because it’s a real condition people live with?? How are we still doing this, show?

This is RBL’s best year ever. Yay! I forget if that tracks with anything we’ve seen. I guess the existence of ChumHum alone is enough to make that true.

Oh NO, Book Club is in this one too!? Liz, wisely, says she’s done and refuses to go with Diane. 

Maia tells Blum no, she won’t work with him. She thought he was rescuing her from hell, but he’s really “dragging her down deeper.” This is accurate. Maia may not be the smartest character on this show, but she’s got her eyes wide open when she works with Blum. 

Blum wants to work with Maia (duh) because her father is a piece of shit respected by other pieces of shit. This checks out. This is quite logical, tbh. 

Maia requires very little convincing. This is not because she is in such a hard spot she has no other options. This is because she is bored and hates the world because she didn’t get her way and had to deal with consequences. It took very little to turn Maia from an innocent to a villain. Perhaps that’s because she was always complicit. (If you’re 26 and went to law school and you can’t understand privilege even on the most basic level, it’s because you’ve been tuning out everything that challenges you.)

Maia seems way more confident now. She’s SO much more fascinating as a villain than as a protagonist, likely because even when she was the protagonist everything she did was so selfish it was hard not to see her as a villain. Props to the writers for recognizing that and leaning into it. They don’t explicitly tie her actions here to her actions at the start of the series, but this only works because Maia’s always been one slight away from going bad. 

And yes, I think villain is the appropriate word for someone money hungry and willing to work, no questions asked, with someone as slimy as Blum. 

Maia hires her friend Lili to help out, which, admittedly, is a nice thing for someone I just called a villain to do. 

After further “messages” from the con artist who started Book Club, the Book Clubbers want to SWAT someone. This sounds fucking terrifying. Diane pushes back and the rest of Book Club is totally ok with this strategy.

So Diane reveals that Valerie’s a con artist and it causes squabbling. It somehow backfires because people believe the woman claiming to have a message from Valerie. Even the one who can do all the IT things--the one who could very easily (by show logic at least) just simply look up the records and phone numbers herself-- believes her. 

Is a big group setting really the way internal investigations are done? I’m no expert, but this feels like a bad approach!!

Marissa doesn’t think the firm has racial issues! Ha ha. She thinks the racial pay gap issues are totally resolved because the associates got raises. As much as I want to believe someone as savvy as Marissa wouldn’t think like this… I kinda believe it. 

Lili also seems kind of terrible, like someone who can’t wait to go on a power trip and fuck over every person who has ever said anything mean to her. 

Oh goodie, we’re talking about sexism now. I appreciate that they’ve featured a few associates over the course of season three. I don’t remember their names since I last watched these episodes a year ago, but I remember that they’ve been in several episodes. I hope to see them in season four, and to learn their names. 

Someone says men weren’t considered to head up Lucca’s department. This is blatantly false. Also, idk what these other associates can do, but Lucca’s proven herself to be adaptable, smart, and someone who can go above and beyond. Plus, she is someone who is out for herself, with tons of career options. She’s someone you want at your firm. 

The female named partners are biased against men, says a (you guessed it!) male associate. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahaha no. 

Marissa calls the associate out on this, and another (female) associate steps in to say she’s in no place to talk since she’s stealing Jay’s job. If it didn’t seem like there was room for both of them, this would be true. 

In a move I appreciate, the mailroom employees are also in this scene, talking about how they didn’t receive any bonuses to correct for the pay gap because of their class. When one of the associates says they didn’t receive a bonus because of race, a mailroom guy calls her out for not knowing his name. 

And then it devolves, as so many of these scenes do, into people talking over each other.

While I like that they address these issues so often on this show, I don’t think “inequalities are controversial and there’s no solution so here are people talking over each other” is the best approach. Sure, I can appreciate different points, and I don’t need the show to tell me how to think, but at this point I think the show needs more of a POV on this. It feels, too often, like they’re saying “Controversy! Huh!” 

Marissa goes to Liz and mentions the other women Carl Reddick assaulted. Liz, understandably, hasn’t looked at the files Marissa gave her. She says she will but asks Marissa to keep quiet around the investigator. So sounds like she doesn’t intend to do anything. 

Oh no. Is this the ep with the retcon where Liz and Adrian actually did hook up!? And put it in work emails!? All I have to say about this is that it’s a bad decision. Sometimes the writers get so close to making a bad decision and then walk it back enough so that I can relax, and then bring it back later, for no reason. It’s even worse that way, because by that point I’ve already formed a strong opinion about it happening. The moment that set me off the most in TGW was when Alicia and Peter agreed to renew their vows at the end of 421, followed by a commercial break, followed by a promo with Alicia kissing Will. I HATED the love triangle at that time. I mean HATED. That commercial break allowed me to relax into the idea that the writers had ended the love triangle. The promo shattered that idea, and, in turn, I slammed my computer shut so hard it nearly broke. That is not a feeling I like. That is the feeling that learning Liz and Adrian fucked gives me. 

NOT EVERYONE HAS TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE. IT IS SOMETIMES MORE INTERESTING WITHOUT THE ILLICIT AFFAIRS. THERE ARE MORE INTERESTING WAYS THAN HOOKUPS TO ADDRESS THAT THEY USED TO BE MARRIED. For starters, can we get an episode where Liz calls Adrian out on the condescending voice he’s always using when he talks to her?

Oh yes, this is also perjury. Why. Why is this happening? Why would Liz and Adrian admit this to an investigator knowing damn well they lied under oath, and also, why would they lie under oath? I know we saw it happen but was it really worth two partners perjuring themselves bc they fucked their ex??? 

When the stakes are high for no reason (or for a stupid reason) it doesn’t maximize drama. It just makes me tune out the drama. If I believed Liz and Adrian had a good reason to perjure themselves, maybe I’d care about this. Maybe they did. But the fact I don’t remember it-- and I’m someone who can name every single episode title of TGW in order-- suggests to me it wasn’t a good enough reason. 

Liz goes to shred the file with the rest of the info on her father’s victims. See, this is a bad choice that I understand. It’s her father’s legacy and her firm’s future, and she has all the power right now. It could come back to bite her, but I get why she takes this risk. I get why this situation is fraught. 

Credits time!!! 

Maia’s also decided to dress like a Bad Girl. She is trying VERY hard. But she’s pulling it off. She’s speaking without hesitation and actually taking an active role in getting things done. It speaks volumes about her character that the first time she’s been motivated about anything work related, it’s something morally bankrupt. 

Apparently the black and white associates are sitting apart from each other. Julius says it’s not intentional; there’s a hot desk system. That held up well.

LMAO people think Julius and Marissa are sleeping together. Julius does a spit take-- the appropriate reaction.

“You’re really a Rindell?” a potential client asks Maia. “Raised at his knee. Taught me everything he knows,” Maia says proudly, displaying a framed picture of her and her father. I’ve said it like five times already but it’s SO dark that Maia would use this to her advantage. We’ve seen some opportunistic shit on TGW/TGF but Maia gets so shameless, so fast, with no remorse. Damn. 

RBL is trying to disbar Blum. He doesn’t care. He tells Maia to take care of it and to use the allegations (which she doesn’t realize are real) against Carl to make it go away.

Diane is talking to a computer. I’m over all the Diane plots.

Liz is glad the Book Club is still fighting even if she’s not involved, which is the stance it always made the most sense for Liz to have. 

Diane allows Book Club to proceed with their latest scheme because she finds the dude they’re targeting deplorable. If this plot didn’t involve Book Club I’d find it to be an interesting moral dilemma. 

An actually interesting dilemma: Liz informs Marissa she will not be disclosing the names of any additional victims. Marissa clearly thinks this is the wrong call but keeps her mouth shut. An unusual amount of restraint for her. 

Maia and Marissa are still friends! Is this the episode with the bizarre Maia/Marissa kiss that I still don’t understand the point of? 

Marissa divulges info about the firm’s Reddick drama to Maia, which is uncharacteristically stupid of Marissa. But there’s no bridge Maia isn’t willing to blow up to help Blum. She’s prying and manipulating a friend who faked a drug test for her and got her through the worst time in her life so she can prop up a mean, cruel man. There are other paths for Maia. I want to be absolutely clear that I think she is choosing this one because things got the slightest bit challenging for her. 

Maia realizes what she’s doing and stops herself saying she has to go because “everything we talk about from now on, you’re gonna blame me for.” And rightfully so! 

OH, the kiss is because Maia is acknowledging she’s fucking over their frendship, isn’t it? Earlier they’re about to drunkenly kiss and one of them talks about not fucking friends they don’t want to fuck up the friendship. So the kiss is fucking over the friendship. Or maybe it’s just a kiss. 

“You’re gonna hate me. Just remember, this has nothing to do with us,” Maia says. Ha, I believe this less than I believe Alicia’s “this was never meant personally” in 5x05. (Hitting the Fan isn’t a bad comparison here, since Alicia does make a choice to fuck over friends when she has the choice to not fuck over friends. I think what makes that “gray” for me while this is villain territory for Maia is how fast this happens. Alicia’s taking the clients whose accounts SHE has sustained, and starting a firm she truly believes will be better (for herself, as a company, for her family). It’s a selfish decision. Her options aren’t reduced all that much either (she’s the governor’s wife, if she wants to leave her firm she could go anywhere). But I can see her side, I can see how fraught the choice was for her, I can see how the way things played out made the tensions worse. Maia burns her friendships to the ground so she can work with a loathsome man because the opportunity fell into her lap while she was hating the world too much to do anything productive with her life. 

Maia’s crying in the office when Blum finds her. She knows what she’s about to do. She’s sad she’s going to do it, but she knows she’s going to do it. I don’t think she considers, for a moment, not fucking over Marissa. As soon as Marissa gives her the intel (which, no matter what Maia says, she was totally fishing for), Maia’s mind is made up. Does it make it better if she cries about it? 

And Maia KNOWS it is a betrayal. She says she knows “a friend will interpret it as a betrayal” because she knows it is one. She tells Blum she doesn’t know if it’s a betrayal because “I’ve lost track these days” (that line sounds surprisingly Alicia-esque) and tells him what she knows. That’s one of those questions that if you have to ask, you know the answer. 

Thought experiment: Would it be a betrayal if Maia were an activist who wanted to get the word out about an abuser? I think a lot of why I react so harshly towards Maia’s choice here is that (1) she sees it as a foregone conclusion that she’ll use the info and (2) she is using it to help Blum. Blum isn’t shades of gray (50 shades of gray joke here). He is despicable. He isn’t morally ambiguous and you can’t even say his ends justify his means because his ends are despicable too! 

Ah, a scene I won’t have much to say about. It’s going to be Blum on his bullshit.

Oh, I do have something to say, but it’s a sad thing. Mark Blum, the actor playing ACDB lawyer Julius Kreutzer in this scene, sadly passed away from COVID-19 last week. 

Roland Blum representing sexual assault survivors to fuck over a rival law firm makes me sad.

Marissa does, in fact, interpret Maia’s actions as a betrayal. She calls her immediately and asks, “you fucked me over?” “Not intentionally,” Maia says. Oh, own it. You knew the moment she said it what you were going to do; this was an intentional action with an inconvenient consequence. 

The partners find out, thanks to Blum, that Julius is going to be a federal judge. And they are not happy.

More talking over each other! Cultural appropriation has entered the mix of complaints. Lucca decides to intervene by going to the partners about the new seating plan. And this is why Lucca, and not that associate, is heading up a department. She knows when to go to management and isn’t wasting her own time in these squabbles. (Tbh, Lucca recognizing that bickering with no resolution in sight isn’t productive makes me wonder if the writers have more of a POV than I’m giving them credit for. Maybe they’re trying to say that talking over each other is futile and aggravating.)

Why the hell does this investigator want to integrate the mailroom by firing black people so they can hire more white people?! Setting aside for a minute that that is a profoundly stupid idea, that can’t possibly be legal, can it??? 

RBL decides that, backed into a corner, it’s time to just own up to their wrongdoings. It works with the ACDB, at least until Blum brings Maia into things.

Book Club kills someone. I truly don’t know how to feel about Diane having literal blood on her hands. This scene should be way more dramatic than it feels. This is the problem with having stakes too big for the show. Instead of getting invested, I write off the far-fetched plots, and I can’t really care about character drama that stems from something so over the top I don’t believe it. 

Diane thinks Book Club didn’t want the guy dead. What about this group that was working to hack voting machines suggested that they wanted him to live???? 

Liz says Diane has to report them, but Diane worries she’s implicated. Who could have imagined that working with crime-loving resistance group would have legal ramifications?! It’s not like Diane and Liz are lawyers or anything.

Liz thinks Diane needs to convince Book Club that everything they’re doing is because of a con artist, but that’s a solution to a different problem. Diane knew Valerie was a con artist and still pushed forward with Book Club because she was committed to the cause. Why would any of these other women abandon the group at this point? What difference does it make if Valerie is a liar.

Shock of all shocks, Book Club is planning their next attack. It’s almost like they are a group of criminals who meet in shady spaces at odd hours. The time to be noble about this shit was weeks ago, Diane and Liz. You’re complicit. What did you think you were getting into? 

Book Club does not like that Kurt is conservative. Diane gets mad and basically threatens them.

“You two are just as culpable,” one of the Book Clubbers says. She’s not wrong. Maybe not JUST as culpable, but culpable for sure. It’s possible that I just don’t want to see Diane and Liz be culpable for things this atrocious and stupid so I resent this plotline. (That said, to go back to Hitting the Fan as an example of a character I love doing a thing that is morally questionable at best, I can accept my faves doing things I don’t like. There’s something about the scale of Book Club’s actions vs the scale of the show that feels off.)

“The truth is what you make it,” Blum tells Maia. A familiar lesson for this show.

!!!!!!!! Is CBS reading my unpublished word doc?! Because today All Access understands that I am watching 3x09.

It’s also updated the key art for TGF to the season 4 image, which says “What is memo 618” in larger font than the show’s title. I am sure I will come to care about memo 618; however, it doesn’t make me want to watch the show or tell me anything about the show, so I don’t get why it’s on the poster. 

ALSO there is no question mark on the image so that’s gonna drive me just a little crazy.

Blum manipulates Maia by telling her she shouldn’t let anyone control her. Maia doesn’t agree to help him; she heads home instead.

Liz and Adrian talk about sleeping together. They had previously said it was a mistake, but Adrian wants to reopen the discussion. All Liz wants is privacy. 

Adrian then asks her if she regrets “fucking”. Yes, he says fucking. Those are his words. Liz is like, what do you want to hear? And it breaks up the tension of the moment. THAT is more compelling to me than all the perjury stuff. (Also, neither of them regret it.)

I don’t think I have a problem with them sleeping together… just a problem with it happening off-screen (I don’t need a sex scene-- just want to know how they got there!), being retconned, and then being used to create drama. If they want to hook up, go for it. 

Oh, look, it’s a stock footage shot of the outdoors. Busy streets? People walking around? Seems fake.

The stock footage is to show that the rain has stopped, btw. It just feels like it’s designed to taunt me with the idea of public parks and bustling streets. 

The ChumHum report is out and the partners look very! Serious! But Liz and Adrian are in the clear. 

The investigator basically just finds the firm grew too fast and that’s their only real issue. The Carl Reddick issue will hurt, but it’s survivable.

But they’re still losing ChumHum. They were always going to lose ChumHum. Diane goes outside to enjoy the good weather while she can.

Maia doesn’t show and Blum gets disbarred. It’s fun to watch him squirm, having just lost his power. He rambles nonsensically. 

Maybe Maia isn’t a villain. I truly don’t remember this scene happening; I thought I remembered her showing up to defend him! Score one, Maia. This episode is the most interesting Maia’s ever been. 

I also don’t remember Diane singing on a park bench. But I like it!

Book Club is threatening Diane now. They’ll destroy her (or kill her?) if she tells on them. Dramatic!!!

[idolish7rabbitchats]

Rokuya Nagi: Wonderful Octave Rabbit Chat Part 3

4: Finished eating!

6: Mitsuki made it for everyone.

5: It was delicious huh. The vegetable fries on top of the soba was crunchy.

3: I was hungry too so incidentally. Because there wasn’t any more instant soba too.

3: Iori also helped with making the vegetable fries! He is skillful. As expected of my younger brother!

2: It was seriously good. I even want to eat that at night with alcohol.

1: I just cut the ingredients. It was mainly Nii-san who cooked it.

7: Iori, you’re embarrassed?!

1: I’m not though? (Mad) (Mad) (Mad)

100: Eh! Everyone was eating something that delicious?! I was the only one with cup soba huh~!

8: Weren’t you eating with Yuki-san?

1000: After pouring the boiled water, I got into the mood for udon.

3: Horrible lolololol

100: I ate with Okarin!

Okazaki: It was delicious!

10000: Maybe I should’ve had soba too… Now I want some.

10: We also had soba here. We ordered delivery.

9: It’s really is good huh, that place’s soba.

8: Right?

Anesagi: Takanashi-san, let’s start collecting requests again.

Tsumugi: Right! Then, I think I’ll start the requests with Mitsuki-san!

3: My turn huh! Got it!

3: From me, “Please show us Nagi’s adult-like side”!

3: Nagi is really cool when he has a model job but I have an image of him usually getting excited over anything. I wanted to show everyone Nagi’s cool side through talking too.

6: As expected of Mitsuki. This is the best request where I could fully introduce my charms.

6: My fans would expect to see my various expressions.

1: It’s terrible that he can assert it but he is right...

10: Understanding his own charms is also the reason why people are attracted Nagi-kun huh.

6: An idol has the job of being loved by people. So if I wasn’t loved by myself, I can’t say I’m a charming idol.

3: It is tho… It’s exactly as Nagi said.

5: I respect that part of Nagi-kun from the bottom of my heart.

T: I also feel like I understand one of the reasons Nagi-san is cool…!

T: Next, Yamato-san’s request please.

2: From me, “I want you to consult seriously with me.”

6: Meaning, not the listeners but Yamato wants to consult with me?

2: Yeah yeah. Serious one.

6: Yamato, a corner isn’t necessary for that request. I will always hear any important consults from you.

6: If I can make your burden lighter, I won’t spare any time.

6: So, please confess anything to me.

2: Nagi, is it fine?

6: Of course.

2: Then, I’ll say it. 

2: You sometimes sleep on the couch after getting out of the bath, without drying your hair right. I get surprised when the couch is wet.

2: Dry your hair and sleep properly from here on.

6: :-O

6: Can you put that as a request after all? If I end up pulling that, I’ll think about it positively.

3:  No no! We won’t let you run away today Nagi! I’m always worried that you’ll catch a cold!

9: Hey, you’re really thinking of broadcasting this request?

2: I’ve said it countless times but, he never listens cuz he can’t think about drying when he’s sleepy...

6: 2 against 1 is unfair!

1000: I’m on Nagi-kun’s side. Humans aren’t made to resist sleepiness.

6: I welcome your assistance. Now it’s 2 against 2.

100: You two are both terrible!! Especially since Yuki’s hair is long \’’(o ﾟДﾟo)/’’

T: Your body would get cold if you leave it wet, so I worry too…><  I’ll also wish that you will pull Yamato-san’s request…!

6: 4 against 2… :-O

T: Then, next is Yaotome-san please!

8: Yeah. From me, “Guess the inside of the box game”.

8: I like how hyped Rokuya’s reactions are during variety shows. I want to try hearing what it would be with just your voice.

6: I refuse.

8: Hah?!

6: I’m not very interested in groping and finding out the inside of the unknown box.

8: You can’t say no to a request corner though right! (lol)

6: I’ll accept if I can choose the insides.

100: The meaning of the game lol

1: Rokuya-san is stable...

10: Nagi-kun is cool huh..!

6: And then, I won’t be easily surprised by what’s in the box.

8: But you’re only saying that now right?

8: I’ll really surprise Rokuya. I’ll think a lot about the insides.

8: Or are you going to run away with your tail between your legs?

6: Yaotome-shi… You are challenging me right.

8: Yeah. It’s a serious fight.

6: Understood. I’ll accept that fight.

6: But, please do really surprise me. If I’m not surprised, it’ll be a punishment game!

8: Do you understand it too? If you’re surprised, there’ll be a punishment game for you.

6: :-P

T: If you choose Yaotome-san’s request, it would be a heated fight…!

T: Next is Tsunashi-san please!

10: I’m a little embarrassed after a serious fight request but… 

10: My request is “I want to hear an episode in which your heart pounded.”

6: Does that mean talking about love?

10: Ah, of course, it’s not a conversation for now! 

10: Talking about little about your first love would be nice. 

10:Because Nagi-kun is cool and smart in front of any kind of pretty actress. I wanted to hear if there was anything that makes your heart pound.

6: That’s as pointless a question as asking people if they breath.

6: I love all girls. I love IDOLiSH7’s fans. My heart is always pounding for the nice people who love me.

6: If the heart-pounding emotion disappeared from my life, then the whole world would change to monochrome from that moment. Girls are giving my heart vivid delights.

10: T-That’s passionate…!

5: Even I can’t calm down while reading the log...

3: Is it okay to let the minors read this?

10000: Nagi-kun is a minor too though.

8: What happened? Anesagi’s not moving.

100: It’s fine! It’s normal behavior!

1000: Normal malfunction.

T: Tsunashi-san, thank you for the passionate request!

T: How about continuing from Momo-san?

100: OK!

100: From me, “Can You Do It?! Lets Try with Guinness World Records!” (･∀･ﾉﾉ゛☆

6: Am I going to try it?

100: It’s Nagi’s radio so who’s would try other than Nagi! Lol

1: Will the broadcast time suffice?

7: Getting into the Guinness records has a difficult image huh!

100: Actually, when I searched for it, there are a bunch of records that you can try in a short time~.

100: Like the number of times you can snap your fingers in one minute. Or like how many bananas could you eat.

1: If it’s that, it seems like he could attempt it huh.

100: Right right?! \’(o´∀｀o)ノ

100: But you have to apply and dispatch an official judge and such, so it would be hard to do the official one.

6: If I’m gonna do that, I want to do it officially.

6: From today, LET’S TRAINING desu.

5: Nagi-kun is fired up huh.

4: Cuz he actually hates losing huh. 

3: Even when gaming, he won’t stop if he loses.

100: I’m glad you got into it!

100: But I’ll tell you what to try on the day of the radio! Cuz I feel bad if you practice a lot and couldn’t pull my request.

6: So it’s a solo player game huh. That’s also fun!

T: Trying for the record somehow makes me excited!

T: Last is the request from Yuki-san please.

1000: From me it’s “Tell me your ideal date plan.”

1000: Nagi-kun sometimes talks to women even if it’s during the show.

1000: I was purely interested in what kind of place you would take them for a date.

3: Um, we stopped all of those so far...

T: Please make that a secret too...

1000: Got it. ^^

6: It seems Mister Yuki knows a variety of plans though.

1000: Right. Bunch of.

1000: But before I think about it, often they’ve already been decided for me, so

Okazaki: How about we stop talking about Yuki-kun this time!

100: I wanna hear about Nagi now~!!

6: :-o

1: Okazaki Agency’s protection is impregnable. As expected.

1000: Even though I don’t mind talking.

6: It’s hard to decide the date plan but if I’m spending a day with a girl, wouldn’t I definitely go to Akihabara?

6: Enjoying time with a girl and being able to find limited-edition good would double the happiness.

6: Of course, if the girl wishes to go elsewhere, consulting her would also be necessary right. To match each other’s desires, I would give her a presentation of Akihabara’s food and leisure.

3: Somehow I’m relieved...

5: Right...

6: Until that day, I’ll think of the best plan.

1000: Yeah, please do. 

T: Yuki-san, thank you for the fun request!

T: With this, we collected all the requests. Everyone, thank you for your participation!

6: Please look forward to which request I’ll pick on-air. ;-)

10: Our requests are done so next it’s Nagi-kun’s turn huh.

2: If there’s something you want to say, you can say anything.

*T: Do you have a request for us?

6: Be by my side from now on too. Love me. I love everyone too.

3: Nagi, you...

10: Somehow, that’s a Nagi-kun-ish request huh!

100: It’s his birthday after all. He can have these kinds of requests!

4: It doesn’t change, even if it isn’t his birthday.

8: It’s a little early but, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Rokuya. I’m wishing it’ll be the best year.

1000: Happy birthday. Let’s do fun things with everyone again.

100: (‵･д･)/*:..。〇☆ Happy birthday to NAGI ☆〇。..*\( ･д･´)

10000: Happy birthday, Nagi-kun! Let’s work hard on various jobs this year too!

9: Happy Birthday.

10: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Nagi-kun! Please guide me around Akihabara one day.

Okazaki: Happy Birthday!

Anesagi: Happy birthday. Take care of your health and please work hard on your jobs.

T: Nagi-san, from me too, Happy Birthday!

6: Thank you for your words of celebration. 

6: I really appreciated that they pulled me by the hand and showed me what I should follow when we faced problems.

6: Being able to meet everyone is as precious a thing as being able to meet IDOLiSH7. I hope we can celebrate everyone’s birthdays together from now on too.

5: Please look forward to your birthday celebration with us too.

2: I can’t forget when you pressured us about your birthday (lol) 

3: You were also expecting a cake huh!

6: I can’t wait to see how wonderful a day my birthday will be! I’ll answer everyone’s requests with everything I have. 

6: Please expect a lot from the on-air.

V2:

2: If there’s something you want to say, you can say anything.

T: Do you have a request for TRIGGER-san? 

6: Tsunashi-shi takes Mitsuki out to sport clubs too much. Please reduce the frequency.

3: Nagi, you...

V3:

2: If there’s something you want to say, you can say anything.

T: Do you have a request for Re:vale-san?

6: I heard you’ll go to Fukuoka for a shoot one day. Can’t you buy me a place limited Kokona keychain?

3: Nagi, you...

[dfnews]

Episode Recap of "The Vuolos Take LA" Season 10, Episode 2 October 22, 2019 "Jinger and Jeremy explore L.A. with new friends. While hiking, Jinger discusses her decision to wear pants, which is unusual for Duggar women. The Duggar boys' road trip could be the last time they're all together before one of them starts a new courtship." TV Guide Online This will be a review in three parts; 1. The Gospel of Jinger: Thou Shalt Not Follow Your Parents' Pants Shunning Legalistic Ways 2. The Gospel of John and Abbie: Conservatives Visit Reindeer and Socialism and Survive 3. The Gospel of The J Boys: Thou Shalt Not Buy Lemons & Try To Pass It Off As Lemonade 1. JinJer and Lissy are visiting LA and decide to take a hike up to the Hollywood sign. Why two conservative evangelicals want to see the sign is beyond me. My suspicion is that they plan to stake out the location with the hope of one day altering the sign. If the HOLLYWOOD sign changes to JESUSWOOD overnight we'll know who is responsible. They somehow got special permission to actually walk down to the big letters. I guess the city saw this opportunity as good advertising. If they didn't get permission JinJer may want to lay low for awhile. If the city doesn't bust them child welfare might after watching Jeremy stumbling down the mountain with a baby strapped to his chest. Jinger explains she decided to wear pants for the hike due to the steep terrain. What? That didn't stop her before when hiking mountains in a skirt and flip flops. One of the Duggars most often used phrases is a Duggar girl can do anything in a skirt. Jinger explains about her pants wearing that her parents taught her "To honor Christ in everything that we do and that is where the Lord has led me, as of now." Sooooo, the Lord told her she could wear pants? I'm confused. She also says, with Michelle sitting by her side, that her parents instilled in them the importance of modesty and she appreciates that training…yet Lissy wears pants. She doesn't find that foundation important for her own daughter? Michelle is asked by the producer why she decided to wear only skirts and dresses. She goes right to blaming herself which isn't the true reason. The real reason is that she fell in with hardcore legalistic church people who put false biblical beliefs into her head. Beliefs that blame women for the actions of others. She said she had a lot of baggage in her life like wearing a bikini while mowing the lawn as a teen which she feels may have caused some men to have bad thoughts. Michelle, you aren't responsible for others thoughts. Wearing a bikini while mowing the lawn is bad for so many reasons but not because your body is shameful or hurting others. It's bad because rocks and sticks and dog poop may fly into places you wouldn't want them flying. Oh, and she also claims the Bible says for women to not wear what men wear. As I've said before, why would God give a darn what people are wearing? That passage seems more men sponsored than spiritually inspired. You really need to learn to read between the lines to find true inspiration in the Bible. You'd think they would have figured that out by now. Jinger says she discussed with her parents about wearing pants before she decided to rebel against her mother's convictions. Michelle says she's okay with it as long as they walk with God and continue to be modest. So I guess short shorts might be a cause for shunning? Anyway, as they talk about walking with God, scenes of Jeremy with baby and jeans wearing Jinger are being shown as they walk/fall with God down the side of a mountain to the Hollywood sign. Michelle seems a little resigned that she can't keep dressing Jinger in prairie dresses anymore and is just glad that her kids will at least walk in truth which does her mama's heart good. In other words, "Wear your stinkin' jeans! Just don't become an atheist or a Catholic!!!" Later, JinJer meet up with that Cade hair guy and his future wife to see the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I discover from Jeremy that Alice Cooper is now a Christian and Jeremy fan boys all over the Backstreet Boys. The producers ask various Duggars on the couch who their favorite Backstreet Boy is and most of them don't know and just laugh about it. They've learned to take these questions that exploit their ignorance lightly. But I can't blame them for being ignorant on this one. I couldn't name a Backstreet Boy or any of their songs either. Boy bands were never my thing. After a hedonistic walk through Venice Beach, (They walked passed a tattoo parlor. Gasp!) Lissy gets to see the ocean for the first time and then is proselytized to by the hair guy who sings Amazing Grace. Why the heck didn't he sing a Backstreet Boys song? 2. John and Abbie decide to flee the winter in Arkansas and fly to the even more winter of Finland for their honeymoon. John says the typical Duggar line of saying that marriage is great because there are no more chaperones watching your every move. Ummm, I recall that they didn't use chaperones during their courtship. They said they were too mature for that hence the photo of them alone in Walmart where John allegedly smacked unmarried Abbie in the arse. These people are raised on so many family talking points that they can't remember what their reality is. John and Abbie play with reindeer in the snow. Smart Abbie decided to wear snow pants instead of following Michelle's lead of snow skirts. Abbie is a walk in truth pants wearer and thankfully John is okay with that. Later they visit a Greek Orthodox church where they take selfies on the steps but don't go inside. They were there either to try to show the world that they don't hate other types of Christians or they passed out tracts on the steps that announced Greek Orthodox believers were hellbound. Probably a bit of both, I guess. 3. Jed, Jeer, James, Justin and Jason are in Philly to pick up three used limo lemons to sell at their car lot. Jed is wearing a dress shirt with large pictures of cars all over it. They seriously make those in men's sizes? They need to drive the cars 20 hours back home and they leave without test driving the vehicles. Smrt! These five goofy guys with walkie talkies drive out onto the highway announcing, "Jed is president, Jeer is vice and I'm (Jason) is speaker of the house." That must be a little peek into the conversations being held around the Duggar dining room table these days about their future. (giggle) Of course the five daddy owned stooges run into car problems pretty quickly. As they stand along the side of the highway with a camera crew the boys discuss their car problems and their decision to wear skirts. As long as you walk in truth, boys. After driving way too long they decided to stop in an RV park without an RV. They plan on sleeping in the limos though they don't show that and I bet they actually found a nice motel nearby. The boys talk about someday settling down and for some reason they think if they get married they won't be able to hang out and go on road trips anymore. It's all just blah, blah, blah talk just so they can bring up personal beliefs again as is their mission for the show of which none of them are paid. They need to spread the word of DugGod in each episode because saying it once isn't enough. All the family on the holy couch chime in with their views, I mean, Duggar views, on courtship and marriage in this very long boring segment that we've seen way too often. Why is TLC allowing them to proselytize without giving equal time to other beliefs? Jana is again put in that uncomfortable hot seat of having to defend her singleness. She says at least she can still go on family trips which her married siblings can't…except Josh. Josh and his clan go on most of those family trips for some reason. Jana claims to never have been in a courtship before despite reports of her mentioning relationships. I guess technically she can call her one relationship that I know about a "promise". She was promised to a guy named Andrew but he broke off that relationship because he just wasn't ready to settle down. Since her family is probably looking for someone within their cult to marry Jana, somebody her age and financially stable, Jana may be waiting for a very long time. That is a very limited pool of guys unless they want to take a chance and go outside the cult again and then all of a sudden BOOM! Jana is sporting jeans and is living in a city. How much more can Michelle's mama's heart take. Next week, John and Abbie head to Lapland in an attempt to use natural birth control to freeze their reproductive systems limiting the size of their family. Science, you know.

[broomballkraken]

Title: Great Minds Think Alike

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Pairing: Sylvain/Lorenz

Word count: 1577

Warnings: None

Summary: After the war, Sylvain and Lorenz find some time to relax and enjoy some tea together. It turns out that this particular tea time would be one to remember, for both of them.

Written for @ferarepair-week 2019 Day 2, Prompt: Tea

After years and years of war ravaging all across the continent, it seemed surreal that it was finally over, and that the three nations were no more, united instead into one completely unified Fódlan. Everyone at Garrag Mach was as busy as ever though, trying to deal with the aftermath of the final battle. Even so, Sylvain and Lorenz had somehow managed to sneak off together to a secluded area of the grounds for a little bit of relaxation.

“Ah, this tea is exquisite.” Lorenz said, inhaling deeply through his nose to appreciate the delightful scent of his drink, and he lifted his cup to his lips to take a small sip.

“Yeah, Serios Tea, right? It’s one of my favorites.” Sylvain said, smiling as he also took a sip, and he hummed contently as the delicious tea spread warmth throughout his chest.

“Indeed,” Lorenz said, nodding as he set his cup down and crossed his leg over the other, lacing his fingers together over his knee, “It is why I chose it, my dear.”

“Well, I know you really like it too.”

“And how long did it take you to finally remember that? I believe it took you at least 12 different tea times.”

“Hey, gimme a break! I’m not a tea snob like you!”

Lorenz’s brow scrunched up as he pouted at Sylvain, who snorted to try and suppress his laughter. Lorenz really did look cute whenever Sylvain managed to ruffle his feathers, and luckily that was pretty easy to do.

“I was just teasing you, babe. Lighten up a little.” Sylvain said, grinning when Lorenz just sighed and rolled his eyes.

“You do seem to know just how to push my buttons.”

“That’s my job! That, and making you scream my name during-”

“MUST you be so crude during tea time? How abominably uncouth, Sylvain.” Lorenz grumbled, huffing as he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head to the side. A wide grin spread across Sylvain’s face when he noticed that a dusting of pink had appeared on Lorenz’s cheeks. Gods, his boyfriend was so cute.

“Sorry. You know Lorenz, you really are adorable when you’re all flustered like this.” Sylvain’s smile was genuine this time when Lorenz’s looked back at him, his cheeks flushed fully red as he brought a hand to his face, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Sylvain, please…” Lorenz mumbled, moving his hand to his mouth as he cleared his throat. He then looked back at Sylvain, and he was perplexed at the suddenly serious look in those deep amethyst eyes that he adored so much. “I actually have something important that I wish to discuss with you.”

“Oh?” Sylvain blinked and tilted his head curiously. He slowly took another sip of his tea, not taking his eyes off of Lorenz. Lorenz gulped nervously and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“I assume you recall when we reunited as a class, five years after the start of the war?” Sylvain nodded, and Lorenz continued, “Do you remember how I said that I was putting off my search for a spouse until after the war had ended? Well, that was also when we began our, ahem, physical relationship that somehow spiraled into the serious one that we are in now.” Sylvain hid a grin behind his teacup. He definitely remembered that night fondly. Who would have guessed that his irrational, spur of the moment night of hot sex with Lorenz would have actually led to the best, most fufilling relationship of his life?

“So, you’re telling me this why? Time for us to break it off so that you can find a proper, noble women that your father will approve of?” Sylvain teased, letting out an amused chuckle. His laughter faded when he realized that Lorenz was just blankly staring at him, and Sylvain’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“On the contrary, I have...already found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Lorenz said, and Sylvain almost dropped his teacup when Lorenz got out of his chair and dropped to one knee in front of him. Sylvain’s jaw fell open in shock, his eyes going as wide as they could as his heart jumped to his throat. Was Lorenz really…?

“H-Holy fuck…” was all that Sylvain could think to say, and Lorenz’s face scrunched up at the profanity, but he otherwise ignored it.

“Sylvain, my beautiful rose,” Lorenz said, taking Sylvain’s hand, “I love you more than anything or anyone else in the entire world. You are my everything, and I want nothing more than to spend a lifetime by your side. I...know that I am not worthy enough in the slightest, but I have been tirelessly working to become a man deserving of your love, of your life. T-That is why I must ask you,” Sylvain inhaled sharply when Lorenz reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out a large, golden ring, the emerald jewels lining it shimmering in the sunlight. “W-Will you do me the great honor of becoming my husband?”

A few seconds of silence ticked by, before Sylvain suddenly burst out laughing so hard that a few tears started falling down his face. Lorenz gaped at him, stunned by his reaction, before an angry glare crossed his face.

“Why do you always laugh at the most inappropriate times?” Lorenz grumbled, his glare quickly replaced by a dejected look. “If you are going to reject me, just say it plainly.”

“N-No, it’s not that at all.” Sylvain said when he finally composed himself. “It’s just, ah, before I answer you, I have a question of my own.” Sylvain relished in the absolutely flabbergasted look on Lorenz’s face when he also dropped down to one knee, pulling out his own ring, this one silver with one large emerald in the center.

“Lorenz,” Sylvain said, smiling softly as Lorenz’s eyes welled up with tears, “before I met you, I absolutely hated the idea of marriage, as people only cared about me because of my crest, and using me as a gateway to political power. They never wanted to see the real me, to love me. But then, you came into my life, and everything changed. To be honest, it really was just a physical thing for me at first, but...after really getting to know you, I realized that...you just really get me, you know? Before I knew it, I had unexpectedly fallen head-over-heels in love with you. I realized a while ago that you are the only man for me, and I want to spend my life with you too.”

“S-Sylvain…you-you actually came here with the same idea...” Lorenz choked out, as the tears he had been trying to hold back fell down his face. Sylvain reached up and gently cupped his cheek, using his thumb to brush away the tears.

“Yeah, I totally did. So will you please stop it with that ‘oh, I’m not worthy’ bullshit? Because it’s blatantly not true. You are the most noble man I’ve ever met, and you have a big heart. It also helps that you’re really hot too.” Sylvain said with a wink.

“R-Really, you are insufferable.” Lorenz said, laughing between his sobs, “To answer your question, yes Sylvain, I would be incredibly honored to share my life with you. Nothing would make me happier.” Sylvain beamed as he took Lorenz’s hand and slipped the ring onto his finger, and Lorenz cried harder in response.

“Gods, you sure are crying a lot for someone who’s supposedly happy.” Sylvain teased, and Lorenz smiled and reached up to cup his cheek.

“Bold words for someone who is also crying.” he said. Sylvain chuckled and reached up to his own face, his fingers brushing over the moist trails on his cheek.

“Shit, I am crying, aren't I? And I haven’t even given you my answer yet.” Sylvain said, “My answer is yes, of course.” After Lorenz slipped his ring onto Sylvain’s finger, he stood up and helped his new fiancé to his feet, and Lorenz pulled Sylvain into an intimate embrace.

“I love you, Sylvain.” Lorenz said, pulling away to gaze lovingly into Sylvain’s beautiful brown eyes.

“I love you too, Lorenz. I still can’t believe we both came here with the idea to propose to each other.” Sylvain said, and Lorenz laughed as he slipped his arms around Sylvain’s waist.

“Well, as they say, ‘great minds think alike.’” he said as he brushed his nose against Sylvain’s, “And, as I am the great Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, this comes as no surprise.” Sylvain threw his head back and barked out a laugh.

“Oh boy, did I really just agree to marry the most insufferable man in all of Fódlan?”

“Oh? Having second thoughts already?”

“Hell no.” Sylvain said quickly, earning a chuckle from Lorenz, “I want to be by your side until the end. And I will love you unconditionally until that end comes.”

“Likewise, Sylvain.” Without another word, Lorenz closed the tiny bit of space between them and kissed Sylvain tenderly, and he was eagerly kissed back. Sylvain definitely didn’t know what he did to deserve to marry the most wonderful man he would ever know, but he didn’t care. He was looking forward to spending forevermore by the side of the person he loved the most, who also loved him back just as much.

[isaacforalpha14]

Imagine #109 Wally West [Requested]

A/N: I was so happy to get this request because Wally doesn’t get enough love. I adore him. <3 

“This is useless.” The disheartened statement weighed on your tongue, a disgruntled sigh interrupting the silence as you toss the mechanical pencil from your grasp; the petulant gesture causing Iris to furrow her brow before glancing over at your desk with intrigue. “Iris.” You whine before leaning back in the desk chair and covering your face in an overdramatic fashion. “I can’t concentrate. Can I help you with your blog?”

“Maybe you can’t concentrate because you keep thinking about Wally.” She suggested, suppressing a grin, ignoring the bitter glare in her direction as her manicured fingers tapped against the keys of her laptop.

“So you’re not worried about him?” You counter with an edge to your voice as you toss a pencil-top eraser in her direction. “He just had his heart broken.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” She sighs, frowning as she watches your expression darken and your face fall. “He’s upset but he’s not heartbroken.” She knew her brother was never in love with Jesse Wells; because he’s always been in love with you. Iris West, being a reporter, was known for her impeccable abilities in investigation. Despite this, she needn’t use her abilities when it came to her baby brother; Wally West is far from subtle, and because of this she knew he’d become smitten with you from the moment he met you. Before he knew what was happening, he’d fallen completely and hopelessly in love with you. The day that he came into the S.T.A.R Labs cortex in a jealous rage, due to a date you accepted with a coworker, he confessed to his sister that he was in love with you.

“Heartbroken?” Caitlin questions as she enters the cortex with a steaming mug of coffee within her palms as she puckers her mouth and blows against the surface. “Are we talking about Wally?”

“See, even Caitlin agrees!” You exclaim, releasing a pitiful sigh, you lean back into the comfortable desk chair before lolling your head in Iris’ direction to shoot her a smug bitter smile. “Maybe,” you start with an excited hop in your seat, a wide smile creeping across your face as the girls watch you with curiosity in their eyes. “We can all go to that karaoke bar downtown tonight; get some drinks, sing a little and get Wally’s mind off of things?”

“That’s…” Iris hesitates, turning from her laptop with a mischievous smile. “A great idea. I’ll nudge him in the right direction. We’ll be there.”

An appreciative sigh escapes your mouth, the boisterous thud of textbooks and shuffling of notebook papers interrupting the complacent silence lingering within your bedroom. It was difficult, to say the least, to keep yourself focused on the pile of homework for the week. Procrastination definitely makes your college life strenuous, however, that fact never did anything to change your actions as you snuggle on the living room couch and binge watch shows on Netflix with your best friend. It feels like your heart has a knack for influencing your mind; somehow, Wally West always seems to dominate even the faintest of thoughts.

“Look at you.” Cisco whistled, twirling you around in an exaggerated gesture before helping you into the booth that Caitlin, Barry, and Cisco were seated at. “You are smokin’.” He compliments, his arm sliding against the faux leather of the booth behind your shoulders before shooting you an adorable wink.

“Thank you, Cisco.” You giggle, straightening the hem of your purple flower printed cocktail dress. There was no denying that there had always been a sense of playful flirtations with Cisco but, to your knowledge, it's always been friendly banter. Despite this fact, there was something about the way he’s been acting since you’d arrived to the bar that felt like something might’ve changed for him. There’s faint talk of ordering drinks, but it falls on deaf ears as you spot the West siblings entering the karaoke bar in animated conversation and attractive smiles on their faces.

Wally’s handsome smile vanishes, features darkening as his chocolate brown eyes land on Cisco’s arm strewn across your shoulders. He swallows the lump in his throat, ignoring the urge to stomp over there and shove him away from you. Iris notices the way her brother bristles and follows his gaze to the table and suppresses the knowing smile from her mouth as she nudges his elbow and raises her eyebrows. He scoffs, making a face before sulking to the bar to retrieve a much needed drink. As if things weren’t bad enough, the thought enters his mind as he approaches the bar and does his best to try to ignore the ache in his chest. He raises his hand, the universal gesture for bartenders to take an order, as he waits, the screech of feedback emanating from the stage speakers catches his attention. The establishment’s manager introduces himself, a series of light hearted banter and a few misplaced jokes later, he urges the patrons who want to be involved in the activities to sign on the dotted line at the bar.

“What can I get you?” The bartender questions with a polite nod, palms on the marbled countertop as he awaits Wally’s order.

“Two long island iced teas.” He murmurs, forgetting for a moment that he can’t actually drown his sorrows in alcohol. “And the sign up sheet.”

The conversation at the booth is smooth; subtle laughter, casual conversation and enjoying each other’s company. Wally was the sole silent occupant, frowning as his fingertips circled the edge of his glass and his attention wandered between anyone that acknowledged him and your side of the table where it seemed Cisco had been flirting with you all night. It was when an employee waved him over to the stage that he downed his drink and left the table without a word. The curious glances at his empty seat went unnoticed by him as he squeezed the microphone in his hand in a white-knuckled grip before releasing a nervous sigh and the beginning notes to Maroon 5’s “Sugar” began playing. He swallowed the dryness in his throat, hesitating before his eyes found their way to you. Just as they always did.

“I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down. I need your loving, loving. I need it now. When I'm without you. I'm something weak. You got me begging, begging. I'm on my knees.” His voice is smooth and soothing, sending ripples down your spine as you ignore the heat spreading through your cheeks. You clear your throat, sinking into your seat as your friends all look between you and Wally. “I don't wanna be needing your love. I just wanna be deep in your love. And it's killing me when you're away, ooh, baby, 'cause I really don't care where you are. I just wanna be there where you are. And I gotta get one little taste.”

There are a few whistles in the crowd, patrons cheering at Wally’s beautiful voice as he seems to relax and a handsome grin quirks his mouth as he gets into his performance. “Your sugar. Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me? I'm right here, 'cause I need, a little love, a little sympathy. Yeah, you show me good loving. Make it alright. Need a little sweetness in my life. Your sugar. Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me?” He’s moving his body in a way that makes you squirm and a few women in the crowd shout at him. He points at you, winking as he continues. “My broken pieces, you pick them up. Don't leave me hanging, hanging. Come give me some. When I'm without ya, I'm so insecure. You are the one thing, one thing. I'm living for.” You excuse yourself from the booth, your heart beating erratically in your chest as you order another drink. This performance was just another example of Wally’s playful personality. It didn’t mean anything. There were no hidden messages in his song choice or his gestures. At least, that’s what you told yourself as you close your eyes and allow the alcohol in your glass to burn your throat. Wally isn’t yours. That sad fact kept ringing in your head as you empty your glass and order another drink, ignoring the cheers as Wally finishes his song.

“So.” Wally’s excited voice interrupts your thoughts as he plops into the stool beside you. “What’d you think?”

“You know I love your singing, Wal.” You compliment before hastily tossing your drink back. He furrows his brow at your behavior before letting an awkward silence settle between you. He wasn’t sure if you actually caught that he chose that song for you. He was trying to take Iris’ advice and pour his heart out to you. He’s always loved you, dating Jesse never changed that; in fact, that was part of the reason she broke up with him. She could never compare to you and she was tired of trying. She didn’t want to be second best anymore.

“I love you.” He blurts out in a rush, ignoring the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach as he continues. “I never wanted to ruin our friendship, so I never said anything. The closer we got the harder I fell and I panicked. I knew you’d never feel the same for me so I distracted myself by dating Jesse and-and I wasn’t gonna say anything but I don’t know if you and Cisco have something going on or not but I hated seeing him flirt with you all night-”

“Wally.” Your voice wavers as you attempt to interrupt his ramblings but it falls on deaf ears as he continues.

“I don’t have anything against him. If he makes you happy then I’m happy. I just couldn’t keep this inside anymore-” He’s silenced by the warmth of your mouth against his, the hint of alcohol on your tongue caressing his taste buds as you deepen the kiss and place your hand on the back of his head. The entire bar seems to melt away as his hands find your hips and pull you flush against him as he continues to kiss you with every pent up emotion he’s held in his heart. The overwhelming need for oxygen burns your lungs and you reluctantly pull away, setting your forehead on his as you both grin from ear to ear.

“I love you, Wally West.” You whisper, nudging his nose with yours. “I always have and I always will.”

[jujuismental]

Happy Pride!

I will write my story of coming out of the closet. hehe.

Bzbzbzbzbzbzbt *rewind sound*.

Here I am in high school, grade 12 to be exact. The class has just started. And so have the dark thoughts in my mind. I leave the class to the bathroom to cry, and scratch myself with this paper clip I found. I return to class, and I put my head down. My teacher asks if I am okay but I pretend to sleep. That was pretty much my senior year - although I had some great memories with awesome friends, I was depressed. I was also, unfortunately feeling alot of times suicidal.

I felt like something was coming over me. A powerful realization. Slowly but surely I accepted that I was.........not straight.

Before high school I always entertained girls, my teachers, my girl classmates. I would get nervous and shy when they would talk to me. I had girl crushes but in a very friendly manner. I’d just want to give them hugs. But it was odd that I would think about that all night in my bed. I didn’t really focus on it that much, I let it slide so many times not knowing what it is. I also had a crush on a boy for 6-8 years so maybe that squashed the idea. I still thought about girls on the side though, lol. Wink wink.

Do you ever really know, how you became this way? Not really no. Born with it? In retrospect yes you could say so. Have I always known - no I realized it over the years, maybe I had no idea what it was because there was no education for it.

In high school it started to intensify and I wanted to give girls kisses. That’s when I knew it was something else. And I didn’t want to feel that way, I was trying so hard to make it go away. I was crying and crying and feeling helpless because I was made to believe that homosexuality was wrong and a crime. Although to me it was just feelings for someone, in my religion (and other religions) well it was a crime. This is the moment when I parted ways with religion, never to identify with islam again.. it was pretty wild. I felt like I couldn’t worship a God that wanted me to burn for loving someone else. I started hating religion, and religious people. Following the death of my Dad, I made peace with religion but only from afar. I understand why it exists, but I still cannot be a part of it. That was high school, and I was all alone. No one to talk to, no one who could help me. I wanted to kill myself and leave a long letter explaining why.

I battled with myself for a long time. For years to come. I hadn’t acted upon my feelings nor had I accepted myself/felt proud about myself. I was ashamed of myself and I saw my sexuality as a big dark secret that I would one day kill myself for. I never saw the light. I never imagined myself telling my mom or family. I thought it could be in a suicide note. I lived in shame and embarrassment my whole life.

I tried to be with guys and it always felt wrong, and I thought maybe I will try again and again. This happened a lot in high school, and university. My guy friends would be like inlove with me and I would have like 0 attraction for them and end up hurting them without explaining why. I tried to get sexual with guys just to know for sure, and its all blocked out of my mind. It was all gross to me. I did things with guys on tinder just to experiment. I feel like I forced it on my self because I just wanted to be normal. Those things are blocked out of my mind. Even with some of my guy friends. Like one of my guy friends in university, he was one of my good friends, I thought it could work but then as soon as we started getting sexual/more than friendly I felt like I couldn’t do it. I was not having any feelings and I felt uncomfortable. I hurt him as well because I didn’t even tell him why. Poor guy. That’s why I wonder if I am really *bisexual*. Nah. I am just gay. Anyways. Don’t I get tangled up with my guy friends? All my guy friends liked me at some point and I wish I saved them the trouble by introducing myself as gay to them. I know I sound cocky, but I hated being the heart breaker. I kept them all as friends somehow. Lol.

As a last attempt to my family (who didn’t know about any of this) before I embarked on the gay journey, I wanted to confirm my lack of attraction to guys before. I needed to know this before going in this difficult direction that would put me at odds with everyone I knew. It was like a me against the world situation. Me against my family, friends and culture, religion. I had no support. No one to talk to. Eventually, after exerting all my power to stop “this thing” I told myself I had no other choice. I didn’t like men, I tried my hardest to. If a God exists, he can’t blame me! I needed to do something about my sexuality. My soul mate had to be a girl. :O

Bzzzztzzbbztztztztt *forward tape noise*. It’s third year of university, 2017. and I download an app. “OkCupid” I was so scared to do it mind you. I didn’t even put my full picture or my name. I was so scared of people finding out. Doesn’t make any sense now that I think about it. Why would my mother be on OkCupid? Lol. I matched with this other arab girl. We related to all the same problems of being arab. I experimented a little with her and by that I meant kissing and touching and I don’t know how sexuality works but I prefer women. Anyways, while it was confirmed that I do prefer girls, I didn’t develop feelings for this girl maybe because she wasn’t my type at all and I just related to the whole arab problems part (which wasn’t exciting it was holding me back actually.) We transitioned to friends very quickly (like after a week). And she didn’t like me either so it’s quite funny. It kind of grosses me out to think about it. She’s someone I to talk to about girls now, and vice versa. It was so cool to talk to someone else about it, it had previously never left my head.

It felt incredible to talk to someone about my sexuality. I was always afraid to do so. That was a huge weight off my shoulder. The second person I told was my brother. Plot twist he is gay as well! I already knew that though. He came out to me first - I came out to him about 2 years after he told me. When he told me I was shocked out of my mind I was speechless. I also didn’t have much to say, I had nothing going for me really. My mom knew about him eventually after reading his diary behind his back. She was in denial. She never really spoke about it ever, till later. So we are both LGBT...interesting...Mamas in for a wild ride.

Still in the same month of 2017 and out of the blue, one of my previous roommates and I kissed. We were both hiding our sexuality. I never thought of her that way as we were friends before for months, so it was a shock to me. This whole thing was just as the school year ended. Because we were friends before it was weird, I wasn’t sure how to act. It was also weird because she had an open relationship, so I wasn’t sure what to do or say to her and we never went on dates. Then when she left, it really damaged our friendship as well, since I feel like she used me. I wished we stayed as only friends. I was mad at her at the beginning, but eventually we became friends again, as we were prior to this whole thing.

That whole summer I was very hopeless to find my person. So I bought this inexpensive bracelet that said “Hope”. It was a really important word for me. I needed hope. And I wore it for the summer, and it helped me.

The summer went on, and then I downloaded Tinder (which I hate - it’s a miracle) and matched with this girl, who messaged me about my hero quote in my bio. What was so weird is I really liked her already just from the emoji’s she was sending me. It was so strange. I feel like she knew the way to my soul.

We met up downtown in the rain, she was so cute and a little different from how I imagined her. She was so pretty with her leather jacket and curly hair and big lips. I felt so comfortable around her. I was really open, for once. We talked so much that day about everything as we had beer and pizza and wings (we shared it all). I’ve never been on dates with girls so I felt a lot of pressure to plan nice things and I was really nervous. But all our dates were fun little adventures. We went for a hike, dancing, movies, double dates, musuems. We used to go bathrooms just to kiss, and got caught once and kicked out (Shame!!!). Young and in love. She showed me that hey, it’s not that bad to be gay. She made me so brave. I could kiss her in public and I wasn’t afraid with her. She gave me this courage to live. It all felt like a dream.

And for the first time I did get sexual with a girl - it was so cool I don’t think I will ever be straight again lol!!! I obviously did it wrong eventually I got it right (that didn’t stop her from loving me). Lol. I was my full self, and fully affectionate. And I am a really affectionate person. Cheesy. She said I made her cheesy. She made me cheesy too.

Since she was from another country she went back home. This was sad, and we didn’t know what to do with the love we had for each other. We started a long distance relationship, I went to mexico to see her again, then we travelled together (las vegas baby), and it was hard but I never could live without her, so I always wanted us to stay together even though our plans weren’t concrete. We called everyday every sleep, I really loved her. No matter the time difference no matter the distance. I didn’t want to give up on us. But we couldn’t end the distance, and that ended us.

I had failed to realize my fears and issues were slowly destroying the relationship, and when she was mad at me I was mad that she was mad. I thought she didn’t appreciate me. I thought I was giving a lot but it turns out I was living in fear. I was static. I thought I could lie to my family and my friends about my relationship for the rest of my life. I was worried about my safety, muslim families can be scary but yeah I needed to grow some balls and I didn’t. Instead I blamed her for not understanding my situation. And I got mad at her as she was mad at me.

We had a huge fight this one weekend and I said some awful things I didn’t mean. I am so ashamed of what I said, I truly didn’t mean it. And we broke up because of that night. It all happened together, I was mad that she was mad and coincidentally that night a girl from my past texted me saying she missed me. There was information from my past I wasn’t completely honest about. The girl just before her ( a friend ) we never dated so I never felt the need to disclose her as more than a friend, whom I kissed, yes. This caused an annoyingly huge problem in the future, because I was dishonest about it. I am not sure why I was, I guess I didn’t want my girlfriend to worry since I was friends with her still. I had actually told her the truth when I first met her, but then I don’t know why the topic came up again and I lied about it. She was a really jealous person, and I am too, but I didn’t tell her everything so she wouldn’t worry since a lot of these people are my friends now (and it’s hard to imagine but really they are). Trust me I can’t be friends with someone I love, so if I am your friend you know I am purely your friend. Then it was too late to tell the truth. I also had a lying problem where I used to lie to my mother to protect her feelings. More on that later.

I guess I didn’t really talk to her about the people before her, be it guys or girls because it’s all blocked out of my head. Everyone before her was either an experimentation or something I wish never happened. It’s also an uncomfortable conversation to discuss about all the people you hooked up before, all meaningless I swear. I wish I met her first, so I didn’t have to go through all these people. And she hasn’t really opened up about the guys she’s slept with or anything, it’s not like I want to know. I get super jealous too. I get jealous seeing her post another girl it makes me cry for hours. I don’t like to talk about uncomfortable topics, so I just thought we could avoid this uncomfortable talk, but maybe you need to talk about them, a lesson I have learned. I am so sorry.

I discussed this in therapy. That’s another problem of mine lying, I really lied a lot. I guess I got used to it being gay in a muslim family. It started with me just lying to survive, my extremely homophobic scary muslim family. I wanted to protect myself and so I would lie that I drink, that I am gay, that I am going out in the middle of the night. I had to at that point. Then I just started lying to keep things calm. And I lied my way through life. It was an easy way to avoid dramas and problems. It only took my break up to realize how wrong it was to lie about who you are and in general to lie to avoid discomfort and dealing with your problems.

I was not open about my sexuality to my family. That’s a big issue for me. I was not publicly out of the closet and hiding a lot of our relationship because I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t give her what she wanted out of fear. And who knows if I was right or wrong. My mom keeps threatening me but who knows what she could do. Now she is with someone else who can give her what I can’t, and that’s hurting me, but she deserves that. That was my first ever relationship. Lots of lessons of course. Maybe I did need a wake up call to change my awful ways.

Unfortunately the break up really brought me down. She made me who I am today. She made me want to live my life, otherwise I didn’t look forward to anything in my life. I was suicidal. I was brave because of her. I hope to continue to be.

She gave me a lot of tough love but ultimately it’s how she pushed me to get outside my comfort zone and change my life.

Maybe I needed that break up, but I hope it’s not permanent. I hope I can be with you again. I really love you and I am improving myself, I swear. I don’t think we should let go of all this magic.

OK back to coming out and being gay.

How did I come out to people?

I started by coming out to my friends, and I used to make them play the guessing game and they would guess weird things like “Did you kill someone?” “Do you have a penis?” and eventually they asked if I liked girls, and I was like no, then I was like yes.. yes. I was so shy about it, I had to have a couple of drinks in my system.

Life was changing, I was becoming more gay and proud of myself. My friends knew who I was, I had a small circle of people who accepted me.

I never thought I would ever have days like this. I thought i’d kill myself before I’d find my soul mate. My last relationship gave me happy gay days, and even if I don’t have days like that anymore, I thank her for those days, that I at least got to have those days. She made my dream come true. She saved me. I hope I see her again. I feel like she is my rock.

One thing I still hadn’t done at the time was tell my mom. That was the biggest fear of all. My mom being the most homophobic person in the planet.

Bzzzbzbzbzt *fast forward noise* its 2019.

We were all sitting together as a family, my mom brother and I in the living room. Tomorrow was my birthday. My mom started insulting my brother about his recent gay behaviours, and this time I didn’t stay quiet. It was like I was suddenly empowered - engulfed in an ‘activist rights movement spell’. I was like NO there’s nothing wrong with being gay, and I defended it so bad that she started questioning my sexuality, and BAM I confirmed it for her right there right then. I couldn’t believe what was happening, it all came out and I couldn’t stop talking. It was incredible. I don’t know where all that courage came from. I knew that I might never have it again, so I kept going and going. She was upset but she said she had a feeling. My brother left this awkward conversation and went to the gym. Jee thanks, when I was trying to defend you, leave me alone with this homophobic angry mother.

So I put a blanket over my head as eventually the roaring power left me and I was a vulnerable little turtle. My birthday was also really awkward, every time we made eye contact it was so weird. She was crying alot too. She told me that I should never act on it again and that these are hormones and one day I will change. I took the train back to Toronto and I had tears on the ride. That was one hell of a weekend.

My mothers reaction wasn’t what my high schooler self thought it was going to be. I thought she might hit me. She wasn’t supportive at all, but at least she wasn’t hostile. She still talks to me. She threatens me though, not to do it again. The battle is long from being over.... oh i have a long way to go. Muslims fight to the death :-).

As I was being more open, I became a more honest person. Now I tell my mom everything almost, and I am released of living in lies. It’s a huge weight off my shoulder. I hated lying my whole life about who I was.

And then..... my first ever pride festival all alone. Wow, to tell young jumanah she would be at one of these. Much proud! I went alone and I even posted it on my story. My mom replied with angry face emojis and started spam calling me. Then she embaressed me on the group chat, infront of my 3 other brothers, and well it turned into this big mess and I guess I came out to them as well? I don’t know. But the festival was really fun, I saw Justin Trudeau and a bunch of awesome drags. I had a mango slushie after. It felt surreal.

All to say that, IT GETS BETTER.

Wow, I never thought that all these things would happen to me. Never. That’s amazing. Thank you to everyone who accepted me.

If you haven’t come out yet. It’s totally okay! But once you do, you will feel relief. You will be so proud of yourself because its a huge accomplishment. It’s not a race, everyones circumstances are different. The truth is you’ll never be ready and the moment will never be perfect but building up that confidence takes time. We grow up discrimated, bullied, ashamed, hopeless. We slowly build up our confidence over time, and finally have the courage to come out. I hope one day you build up that courage to stand up for yourself.

Two words that really change your life are HOPE and COURAGE.

See you outside the closet, friend!

[somethingabouttheway]

Poetry

@terranoctis​ @breakingitswings @hiddenhina Because you mentioned that you like it when I write (I think), so I wanted to share my (KIND OF SUPER LONG 5 PART) poem with you!

@rose-grangerweasleyisbae @queenofthyme Because I love it when you write and you both are my favorites!! (I’m not sure if you knew that already!!  BUT I DO!!)  This isn’t Drarry related, but since I can’t write fanfiction the way you do, I just wanted to show you something that I did write.  (But if I could twist this, the speaker would be pining!Draco, Harry is He, and Ginny would be She...) XD

And to any other of my followers who do end up reading this, please give me feedback (both negative and postive)!!  I’d love to improve!!

Museums

I.  He Says He Hates Museums (An Introduction to Kindness)

II.  She Smiles (It’s for the Better)

III.   I Am (Weighing My Self-Worth)

IV.  If He Is a Lighthouse (Then I Could Be a Lighthouse Too)

V.  Museums House Dinosaur Bones (While I Hide Skeletons in the Closet)        

Summary:  All parts can stand alone, but together, they tell the story of the speaker, who, goes from trying to change him (the object of her affection), to trying to change herself, but in the end, comes to a realization.  Part I is about his statement.  Part II is about Her (the object of his affections who is in love with someone else).  Part III is about the speaker.  Part IV is about him.  Part V is about museums in general. 

Museums

I.  He Says He Hates Museums (An Introduction to Kindness) He says he hates museums, But what I hear translates to He got hurt somehow in his past, Possibly at a museum, A living essence of Complicated, In need of a saving grace; This is my chance To take him in And fulfill my grandiose dreams for salvation Of the male species. I’ll rewrite the experience for him Because the magic is in discovering That through these rooms housing art, One has the power to revisit the past. We’ll walk through exhibits together, I’ll show him the hards and the softs Of The Persistence of Memory All he needs is an introduction to kindness He’ll find it in the angel from The Annunciation, Face to face with a miracle, And me, his loving Savior. We’d have good conversation in a museum— When really, he just means he hates museums.

II.  She Smiles (It’s for the Better) He says he hates museums, Because they’re boring So I go and visit 50 this summer And I think although he says he hates them, He likes Her And she is the most beautiful painting Inside The Louvre; Protected by bulletproof glass, Nothing but time could cause Her looks to fade away But who in the world can fight against time? When our hour is over, We all grow dim and our colors fade, So naturally— She is flawless. She looks and doesn’t see him Because he isn’t Romeo and she can’t be his Juliet But maybe it’s for the better That we don’t poison ourselves over love. Although she smiles because of someone else, Still, he goes to find her and likes Her anyway And for that, I cannot find fault Because, like all of us, Even if we end up being star-crossed lovers All the same He cannot deny his weakness for beauty, Even though he says he hates museums.

III.  I Am (Weighing My Self- Worth) He says he hates museums, Yet he himself is a piece of art. My best friend says not to get too hung up over it— That I am a work of art too, A Jackson Pollock maybe Something Abstract Expressionist A bit obscure, And too much emotional intensity, Investing way too much time Searching for the hidden meaning And making out words and people to be More than they really are— Sometimes things are genuinely that simple. I sigh Her name And my friend smiles gently and says, People all over the world know Her name And wait hours to flock to Her The majority will trample over each other to see Her They’ll spend a few seconds with Her, Take their selfies and leave, She is valuable But only a few know how to appreciate her worth— Just as with you. Not everyone, Only the special few, Will spend a little bit longer with you, Perhaps out of confusion Because they can’t figure out What you’re trying to say, she jokes, You are an acquired taste Because you make them curious. Maybe somebody out there could admire that; But maybe what he means is I’m not made up of The types of paintings he longs for, After all, She is Real And he is a Realist; I’m only a Modern woman Weighing my self-worth, When he says he hates museums.

IV.  If He Is a Lighthouse (Then I Could Be a Lighthouse Too) He says he hates museums, He’d rather spend his time in bars Or hole-in-the-wall diners A real-life Nighthawks. He introduces me to his friends one day, When he isn’t looking, They express their concerns about him He smokes too much, drinks too much, I wonder how lonely he must feel He reminds me of The Lighthouse at Two Lights, A sad, solitary figure Withstanding dangerous coastlines, He shines his light into the distance Searching for Her The way a compass’s needle Is magnetically drawn to the north. I could be a lighthouse too Situated on an island, facing him Providing safe entries into harbors, Imagine, together, we’d shine as bright as the stars, Beacons of safety for the public good, The price— The water’s relentless erosion, But the true tragedy lies in our lights never touching Because Her smile is the inevitable ocean between us. I think he and I Would sympathize with Van Gogh, All 3 of us spend our lives Gazing at the stars in the night sky, His soul is the half that makes strenuous pacts of silences And mine, the half with occasional bouts of sanity But why should it matter if he says he hates museums?

V.  Museums House Dinosaur Bones (While I Hide Skeletons in the Closet) He says he hates museums, And I wonder if he also means the ones That are trendy these days The ones young people visit To take hipster pictures And post on social media, The ones that include aviation And all the famous fliers, You know, the one filled with ice creams in diverse colors, Vast arrays of lights, a room of mirrors, Memorabilia of love and lost, The ones depicting the legends of musicians and their records The ones that come alive at night In Hollywood Broomsticks and wands from movies, Displays of books Or pipes, located in 221B. I may not understand him, But I understand museums well We both hold and collect things We store them Or put them on display, The way people bare their hearts. We keep track of dates For periods when we’re eager to time travel— Museums house dinosaur bones, While I try to hide my skeletons in the closet, Instead of disposing of them, We horde things forever. Immovable dreamers, Who fantasize about being infinite among the galaxies of planets and stars, We look for beauty in the things that others don’t always care to see In any case, Museums are meant to make you feel And I still can’t tell, Whether he is afraid to feel Or if he just doesn’t want to, I guess hatred is a feeling too. I hope he finds what he is searching for, Because I often fool myself into thinking That I deny changing myself for any girl or boy. He likes cigarettes And smokes them the way I am addicted to over-analyzing; I inhaled secondhand too much tobacco this summer I hate the way it smells, So maybe it wouldn’t have worked out anyways Even if he did like museums, Because smoking chokes me And that is what we would do to each other, I shouldn’t have to change him I shouldn’t have to change myself either. We like what we like And we hate what we hate What’s special about museums is that we’re free Free to embrace our independence, free to create, Free to love and hate. Museums are a place for discovery and discussion A home for freedom of expression A refuge for those who invent brand new solutions Instead of ripping apart others’ creations, A symbol of hope for those who made it, despite others’ criticism. I think maybe I am more of a Picasso Broken into tiny shards of Geometric Cubes Little pieces that tell a story I’m sharp in corners, without meaning to be Existing with a lack of form Challenging the expectations Of idealized beauty in women; I’m not here to provide pleasure for the male gaze I love it here There are many people in the world who find love here So why should it matter if he says he hates museums?

[someobscurereference]

fe anon here! Woah I'm actually crying your answer was so Intense and just So Much. Thank you! I love hearing your thoughts on their relationships. Out of curiosity tho, I sent an ask a while back about whether or not you'd be willing to share some more headcanons on how the Nohrian sibs+Beruka and Niles would interact with/react to the deaged awakening trio (and vice versa)? Bc I know u weren't sure you'd continue. Did Tumblr eat that? If ur comfortable talking about it I'd still love to know!

Oh, no, Tumblr absolutely ate that! My inbox is empty 99% of the time, so I definitely would have remembered something like that. If I don’t answer something within a few days, definitely feel free to re-send any asks because that means I didn’t see it!

As a whole, the kids would be wayyyy more wary of the Nohrians right off the bat, even if they’re told what happened and they believe it. They’d be like, “Really? A world without Risen?” and everyone else would say, “what the fuck is a Risen” and then they’d shut up real fast because these are Strangers. All three would probably be convinced they were actually in Plegia somehow until proven otherwise. 

Also, they’d still want to fight because that’s what they’ve been used to their whole lives, but the war is probably over at this point? So it’s just wandering packs of bandits and Faceless to take care of, and if one of the Royal Sibs or even someone the Trio knows goes out to take care of Faceless, the Trio wants to go too because they’re used to protecting their home and they feel restless and anxious to just be sitting around doing nothing. 

“No?” Literally everyone else says. “You’re like fourteen???”

“Yeah, and so’s Elise?” the Trio says, even though Elise is a few years older by this point. “It’s the same thing. But we actually have swords.”

“It’s different.”

“It absolutely isn’t.”

It’s uncomfortable for everyone. 

Also if they actually did sneak away and fight a Faceless, they’d probably be very efficient about it and work together really well, despite bickering almost 24/7 amongst each other in every other minute of every day. Risen are undead, so they don’t “die” the way most enemies would, and Faceless, though without souls, don’t work the same way? A Faceless is bigger but it will fall if you slice it enough times, unlike a Risen that takes extra effort and energy. So Faceless are actually a little easier to kill, but the fact these 13/14 year olds have so much experience fighting to kill would probably bother anyone that thought about it for 0.2 seconds. “Like. I know we grew up in Nohr, but that’s Not Good.” 

Fighting bandits is a different story, and I think if the Trio had to see actual humans hurting other humans, it would mess them up a lot because they came from a time where everyone who didn’t work as a group probably died already? Since lone figures cannot win against a pack of Risen by themselves. So humans vs humans is not anything they really think about until now. Laslow and Odin would probably take this extra hard because their moms were pretty caring and kind people (especially as healers/dancers, whose job it is to help and encourage people), while this would also fuck with Selena but she maybe got a talking to a little more explicitly from her mother or father before they left. (I’m taking this from Laslow’s conversation with Odin in…either the Hot Spring or Harvest Scramble DLC, where Laslow admits that taking his first human life after jumping through time nearly destroyed him because that wasn’t something he thought he’d ever have to do.)

Honestly, living is a peaceful world without fighting is probably the most important thing for their mental health. 

Odin

I’ve been lowkey thinking about this for a long time, but Odin would probably gravitate towards Elise a lot? Both because she has a very accepting and bubbly personality (she RP’d with Odin just because it was cool, and now they’re even closer in age so she’d probably do it again) and honestly she probably reminds him of Lissa. Straight up. Blond hair, pigtail style, youngest sibling, healer, cares a lot, etc. Even if he hadn’t recently lost his mom (which was probably semi-recently, since I hc Lissa being the last to go in the doomed timeline), he still would gravitate towards her. So they chill a lot. 

Leo is probably like lowkey jealous? Because Odin isn’t as interested in him anymore whereas he’d been totally devoted as an adult. He just wants to chill with Elise and other “cool” people and sometimes be by himself to fight imaginary enemies, so Leo actually gets a little more grumpy. Plus Odin uses swords now? Even though Leo had figured out Odin hadn’t used tomes all his life, it was still something they connected on and now this kid is insisting that swords and swordsmen are the coolest (like Xander) and Leo is very :/// about it. (Until maybe Odin sees Leo use Brynhilder and gets all starry eyed. Doubly so if you hc Odin’s dad as a mage. Leo coughs and blusters and pretends it’s not super strange to be the loudly admired person out of all his sibs for once.)

Niles would put on a big teasing front for Odin and probably follow him around a lot even though Odin probably is really distrustful of him, both because he loves annoying little punk kid Odin who takes himself so seriously and because Niles feels like he has to make sure Odin doesn’t run off and hurt himself. (Either Leo or Niles is always hanging around Odin, actually, or at least has someone they trust watching all three kids because magic is strange and they don’t want anything bad happening because the kids got spooked in this new world or something.) 

Actually Niles probably spends the most time keeping an eye on Odin because of that interaction they had when Odin was first de-aged, as Odin’s reaction was so uncharacteristic of his adult self. He’s actually concerned about the kind of world Odin grew up in, and he might not pry too hard, but he’s definitely keeping an eye and ear out for any concerning stuff. 

(Odin, meanwhile, thinks Niles is Evil because he’s a creepy guy who keeps following Odin around and he’s heard bad rumors about Niles and Odin’s brain is insistent that this guy Has To Be A Villain.)

(Maybe that changes, but they’d have to have some kind of heart-to-heart first. Maybe because Odin really does go too far and Niles has to pull him out of some trouble.)

Selena

Camilla probably wants to dote on Selena pretty hard, but Selena is Not Having It. 

“But this will wear off soon, and it’s not every day I get to see my darling retainer so young and cute,” Camilla coos. “Just enjoy yourself. When you’re an adult again, I’ll having you running errands again in no time.” 

Selena: “I don’t know you!! You’re not my mom!! Stop acting like it!”

Camilla, serious: “I’m absolutely not your mother and never will be/want to be.” (Back to cheerful) “But that doesn’t mean we can’t do X/Y/Z together.”

Basically she treats Selena a lot of the same way she treated baby Corrin, only Selena resists it a lot more. As time goes by and they realize through context clues that the Trio actually had a really rough life, Camilla maybe has a few conversations with her about what it’s like to grow up in a world where you can die at any moment and the whole world is out to get you (Selena via the Risen/Grima and Camilla via assassins/the other mothers of her half-siblings and Garon’s wives.) It’s a tough life, and Camilla gets where Selena’s need to fight and get better is coming from.

Beruka probably doesn’t really have any experience with children at this point? She doesn’t know what to do except treat Selena or the others like smaller adults, which Selena actually appreciates a lot but also maybe stresses her out a bit. 

When they first meet, Selena looks up at Beruka (probably not too far because Selena is really Tall for her age and also in general and Beruka is probably shorter than adult Selena) and says, “So you’re Lady Camilla’s retainer like me, right?”

“Correct,” Beruka says. Because it is.

“Am I a better retainer than you?” Selena demands, hands on her hips, and Beruka. Stares. Because it’s really driving home that Selena’s insecurities started Young.

(Also if Subaki is ever around, she probably hates his guts because he has red hair like her mom and is viewed as “perfect” because he strives to be so all the time and it makes her too uncomfortable and she Hates It. Niles loves laughing at this 13/14 year old girl chewing the hell out of this grown ass man just for existing.)

Laslow

Laslow is super short, worse about hiding his shyness than he was at twenty-something, and stumbles sometimes when talking to adults (especially beautiful people and people with a lot of power, so Xander is a double-whammy, but so is half the army), but by golly, does he try to flirt with anything that breathes. He’s not as smooth as his adult self, but sometimes he pulls off some okay lines. Even though everyone is like “You…are a child.” 

(Laslow gets that he’s a kid and he doesn’t even usually flirt seriously as an adult, but when people keep using that line on him even when he’s trying to do some good and fight, he gets really internally frustrated because he wasn’t a child when everyone died and he had been fighting a war where half the army was his age, was he? Lot of complex feelings there.)

Xander can Relate a lot because he was also super shy as a child and if this is how Laslow overcomes that in his own way (especially since this was apparently his mother’s advice, who Laslow values a lot), Xander doesn’t really want to be the one to stop him. But also he is Exasperated because he keeps getting complaints that this bratty 14 year old is flirting with half the women in the army and town and can he Not??? Can Laslow just chill for like two minutes?? Is there no better solution????

Sometimes he helps teach Laslow how to spar properly, just like he did for Corrin and his other sibs, and he respects Laslow’s apparent drive to protect others and sees somewhat through Laslow’s cheerful, flirty facade to the more struggling kid underneath.

Peri coos over Laslow a bit, but he’s not big enough to fight with her/by her side anymore and she doesn’t want to kill him, so there’s not a ton they can do together. She watches him when told to, though, and sometimes even withought even being told, and they manage to get a long surprisingly well. (She’s a great cook and sometimes shares her snacks with him, and they bond through that.)

All three kids probably interact the same way they did with each other as immature people, so they actually don’t get along very well? When not in immediate danger? Like Odin’s bffs were Cynthia and Brady, probably. He and Laslow keep getting into brawls, which is… mildly concerning, actually. Laslow keeps stealing his journals (”It’s not a diary! Give it back!” “It absolutely is, and no”) and Odin keeps insulting him. Selena and Laslow don’t get along because Laslow is too flirty and Selena thinks he’s just making fun of her. She’s a little better with Odin (who in their FE13 support I think was said to have still treated her with kindness, even when she was mean to him) but she keeps getting flustered and fed up with his antics and growing up?? Is so hard??? It’s so hard, and nobody understands. 

The difference between getting along as kids and how they get along as adults is astounding. 

(All three of them worry about their friends back home, even though they don’t say anything. Supposedly those guys and gals are all adults now too, but?? Who’s gonna walk Noire to the bathroom at night? Who’s gonna protect Brady? Who’s gonna make sure Gerome doesn’t become too much a loner and die???? They Worry.)

(If you wanted me to expand on something more specific, let me know!)

EDIT: Also one of the kids at some point definitely asks how old they were and get old “like 25” and they are all Shocked. Like. One of them (probably Odin, who also expected to die a heroic death by 16) says aloud “I made it to 20??!??” shocked.

Everyone else takes a moment to compose themselves and remind themselves that there’s a lot they don’t know about these three

[literaphobe]

and all we have, we lose

AKA a sad reason for why i think gina and rosa have been avoiding each other like the plague these past four episodes. takes place after Moo Moo, and there may be a part two depending on what happens in the finale

When Terry finally gets home from the precinct, he sees his baby twins laughing and running around with Gina and Rosa, who too are laughing and running around. They all wield small water pistols and appear to be engaged in some sort of all out war, as the mess in his living room suggests. Books and sofa cushions and scraps of paper are strewn across the room, and in the center of all the chaos are two chairs placed with their backs against each other, pink skipping rope gathered in a coil-like fashion around the chairs.

No one even notices him, they're all having too much fun. And frankly, it's a heartening scene for Terry to watch. His two coworkers who are basically family to him have transformed before his very eyes. The usually frowning Rosa Diaz who stares daggers into anyone that crosses her now looks so carefree as she abandons her water gun to hold up Cagney so that she has a better vantage point from which to attack Gina and Lacey. The ever so sardonic Gina Linetti on the other hand, who would be voted Most Likely To Save Her Phone Over A Person's Life any day of the week- is actually acting as some sort of human shield for Lacey, pretending to sacrifice herself so that Lacey can live.

But Terry's not one bit surprised. Okay, he didn't expect this, but he doesn't find this situation to be completely unexpected. Gina and Rosa were softies at heart, and if any two children could bring that side out of them they would be his baby girls.

He feels all the fatigue and ache from these daunting past few days seep away from his shoulders, contentment and bliss taking over instead, which is when he finally decides to make his presence known.

"Guess who's home?"

"Daddy!"

Like flies with honey, Cagney and Lacey drop their toys and run as fast as their tiny legs can carry them into Terry's arms as he effortlessly lifts them up in a big hug.

"Did you have fun playing with Aunt Gina and Aunt Rosa?" Terry asks as he directs grateful looks at the two, who seem to be straightening themselves up, futilely brushing water off their now rather drenched clothes.

"Yes!" Cagney and Lacey excitedly cheer in unison as they both stretch their arms out.

"That's great, girls. Now go get Mr Quack-Quack, it's bath time!"

Terry puts Cagney and Lacey down which sends them running to locate their favorite rubber duck. He looks up at Gina and Rosa again, who are now giving him incredulous looks.

"You call your rubber ducky Mr Quack-Quack?"

Rosa's grin broadens as Gina points this out, and Terry sighs because they wouldn't be Gina and Rosa if they didn't tease him about the names of his children's bath toys, would they?

"Cagney and Lacey call their rubber ducky Mr Quack-Quack. Terry doesn't have a rubber ducky, because Terry's an adult man."

"Whatever you say," Rosa replies. "Mr Quack-Quack."

Gina starts cracking up and soon the two women dissolve in uncontrollable laughter.

"But seriously you two," he interrupts because he can't spend all night watching them laugh, he has to get his daughters washed up and tucked into bed within the next two hours. And he also has to clean up the huge mess that appears to have been caused by a tornado striking his house, rather than two grown women and his twins. "Thank you so much for taking care of Cagney and Lacey."

Rosa shakes her head. "Nah, it's cool. We had nothing to do anyway."

"But we will be requesting a fee of five thousand dollars," Gina adds. "Seriously, your kids tied us up for half an hour- how are they so strong?"

Rosa seems to shudder at the memory.

"I'm not going to give you five thousand dollars," Terry clarifies, although he does sympathize with what they went through. Cagney and Lacey were already on their third babysitter. For that month. "But you have my gratitude, and I owe both of you one."

"That's sweet and all Terr-Bear, but gratitude don't pay the bills." Rosa rolls her eyes somewhat affectionately at Gina as she says this before she grabs her by the shoulder and starts moving her away.

"Yeah, we were just leaving. Bye Sarge."

The door slams shut just as Cagney and Lacey run back with Mr Quack-Quack. And Moo Moo. And President Long Neck, plus her twin sister who was also coincidentally named President Long Neck. Terry sighs as he begins another negotiation with the twins regarding how many toys they're allowed to bring into the tub.

He loses.

"So where to?" Gina asks as they walk away from Terry's house into the street. They've got their hands in their pockets because the night brings a chill that isn't helped by the fact that they were just soaked from head to toe in a no-holds-barred water pistol fight. But strangely, walking with her shoulders occasionally bumping against Rosa's as they take brisk steps towards Rosa's motorbike, Gina's never felt warmer.

"I'm taking you back home," Rosa says simply as she tightens the grip she has on her leather jacket, cursing herself for parking her bike so far away from Terry's house.

"Not the precinct? My car's still there."

"Just leave it there. I'll give you a ride to work tomorrow."

They had traveled to Terry's house together on Rosa's motorcycle in a hurry, because Cagney and Lacey's babysitter had a family emergency and couldn't wait for Terry to get home from work before leaving. But Gina didn't mind- riding on the back of Rosa's bike sent a rush through her as they sped down the streets of Brooklyn. And Gina had to admit she loved the experience of wrapping her arms around Rosa's waist, gripping tighter every time they turned a corner.

"That's nice and all, but why would you do that?" Gina asks as they finally spot Rosa's bike where they had hastily parked it before making their way to Terry's house. "You'd have to make the extra trip- are you in that much of a hurry to get home?"

Gina's worried that there's an 'Adrian Pimento'-sized reason why Rosa wants to hurry up and dump Gina at home. And that worry makes her stomach churn with jealousy; a feeling Gina's grown all too familiar with because of Rosa.

But then Rosa shakes her head. "It's fine. And I'm not in a hurry, I just don't want you going home by yourself this dark out. S'not safe." Rosa hands Gina her helmet, and she puts it on without question.

She kind of appreciates this protective side of Rosa. That jealousy of hers fades to dust, replaced with a nervous tingling that runs up and down her spine- plus something else hopeful and yearning, which Gina knows are dangerous feelings but she recklessly embraces them anyway. Because for once- they don't seem so stupid.

"You're such a cop, Rosie," Gina teases as they get on the sleek black motorbike. "Protecting innocent civilians like me."

She almost feels Rosa grin somehow, even though she can't see her face.

"Shut up," Rosa retorts almost as playfully as Gina had been, and then the engine hisses as they speed off into the night.  

Fifteen minutes of a deafening roar as Rosa's bike rips down the roads to Gina's apartment go by before fading to nothingness when they grind to a halt. This had been accompanied with another round of Gina's hands gripping Rosa's waist, inhaling the sweet scent of tangerines along with a piercing mint belonging to Rosa's brilliant curls of hair as the wind combed through it in gusts of freezing air.

"Thanks for the ride," Gina remarks carefully as she removes her helmet and hands it to Rosa. How she plays out the next few moments will be vital, possibly a watershed in their relationship.

"Sure," Rosa shrugs, and her eyes dart to Gina's apartment building. "Come on, I'll walk you up."

"Of course you are, we wouldn't want anything to happen to me- Ginazon would be lost without my guidance."

Rosa lets out a small, subdued laugh and it's enough to make Gina's heart sing with unbridled joy. Things seem to be going according to- well, Gina wouldn't call it a plan, but. She knows what she wants, and she has a feeling she's going to get it. And by it Gina means her. And by her Gina means Rosa. Duh.

As they make their way to the elevator Gina can't help but dwell happily upon how Rosa offered not only to send her home but also to walk her all the way back up to her apartment. Crime was down in Brooklyn, it wasn't nearly late enough for Gina to be in any sort of danger (for real though, Gina's returned home way later than this and she had been alone then), and in the first place- Gina's neighborhood was completely safe, as it had always been when Jake's grandmother lived there.

So Rosa going to all this trouble- it had to mean something, right? She was doing it all of her own accord too, and as they stepped into the enclosed steel walls Gina gathered the courage to make Rosa an offer.

"Hey- you wanna stay for a drink or something? We went through an ordeal back there."

Rosa offers a tired smile and lightly jabs her thumb at the lift button for Gina's floor.

"Yeah, okay." She even yawns and stretches her arms in fatigue. "Though those kids weren't so bad, I'd feel less exhausted chasing down criminals all over the city."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," Gina corrects as she secretly admires the way Rosa's body looks while she stretches. "Those twins are adorable and I want ten of them. The 'ordeal' I'm talking about is how the hell we both survived the past few hours without getting our drink on. We aren't usually sober this time of day."

"Damn, you're right." The elevator stops and a familiar ding coincides with the opening of the doors. Gina digs out her keys as they step out and frantically unlocks her door, Rosa snorting at her failed attempts.

Gina gets her front door open pretty quickly despite the initial setbacks, and Rosa steps in before her, stopping in place ten strides into the living room to take in the apartment that just screamed of Gina from every nook and cranny.

"Hey, so where do you keep-" Rosa's question is muffled as Gina slams her door shut and throws her keys on the counter, rushing forth to engulf her lips in a deep kiss.

Gina knows she's making a rather sudden move- but is it really so sudden? Rosa has been giving her signals all week, no, all month. A few months, at least.

She sees these looks Rosa shoots her when she thinks Gina's too busy looking at her phone to notice at work, and while that might be true, Gina is nothing if not a master of (secretly, when it comes to noticing Rosa) multitasking. She's half the reason the Nine-Nine runs as smoothly as it does- between all the shenanigans that are usually caused by Hitchcock and Scully, the occasional food accident Boyle will bring to the break room, or anything anyone else might've done that day- she's also helping Holt by being his assistant and the Civilian Administrator.

Damn, someone should give her a Nobel prize.

Anyway, point is- Gina can check her Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat simultaneously and still immediately realize whenever Rosa's looking at her. Sometimes it's official work reasons, like needing a case file, or needing to hand her an arrest report.

But other times, especially when Rosa has been running on just a few hours of sleep, three cups of coffee, and suffering from the effects of working for over ten hours- Gina would catch Rosa looking up at her, and she'd try to do something to make Rosa laugh. Play a prank on someone, like Charles for instance, or make fun of someone. Gina realized over time that Rosa laughs rather easily. When it came to stuff she did.

And there were times when Gina had been in danger. Or close to danger. Or demanding to enter a situation where she would've been in danger. She'd see this fear flash across Rosa's face and suddenly, Rosa could totally do this dangerous thing Gina volunteered to do as well as whatever she’d been assigned with. Or- someone else was more suited for this task and maybe Gina should do this other thing that'd coincidentally keep her out of trouble.

Any other person and Gina would've felt offended and fought even harder for her way- but with Rosa, she craved the way she protected her, sometimes even volunteered to do risky stuff on purpose to see that look on Rosa's face. That look that would never fail to send sparks flying through Gina.

Gina feels herself melt into Rosa's arms and almost smiles when she feels Rosa kiss back. She's almost proud when she runs her hands down Rosa's back and she shivers ever so slightly. Somewhere in the back of Gina's head, the word finally echoes and burns, and a storm of emotion hits Gina.

It's all the more shocking when Gina feels Rosa stop kissing her abruptly and shove her away. She knows the hurt in her eyes are evident, she sees it reflected in Rosa's pupils and pain turns to confusion which turns into agony. Her heart just got stepped on by a pair of Rosa's boots, and for all of Gina's talents- in that moment she's plenty sure she forgets how to breathe.

"Don't look at me like that," Rosa practically spits this out and Gina's stomach twists, she feels so empty; and this can't be happening- it was going great, Gina had kissed Rosa and she had kissed back. She had kissed back.

"Look at you like what?" Gina's voice sounds very pained, even though she's going for cold and aggressive. Her eyes are also burning, but she can't afford tears of any kind right now.

"You-" Rosa gulps and her throat bobs shakily. She seems to be just as affected as Gina is. Good. Suffer. "You know I have a boyfriend."

Why did you kiss me? Is Rosa's underlying question, and it isn't so much a question as it is an accusation. Gina rolls her eyes, because she knows as well as Rosa that her words are utter bull.

Boyfriend? No one's seen Adrian Pimento in months- Gina's very sure of that, he hasn't dropped by the precinct or Shaw's or anywhere, really. Definitely not since Gina's accident. But, not like Gina was keeping score or anything.

And Rosa hasn't said a word about Pimento in ages. Not a peep. Like the psycho never even existed, which was a thing that made Gina happy, if she were being honest.

Boyfriend?

Where was Rosa's boyfriend when she chose to spend all those nights after work hanging out with Gina at Shaw's, only occasionally joined by other members of the squad or some of Gina's friends? How many nights had Rosa chose to spend drunk off her ass with Gina, playing pool whilst Gina mostly watched because watching Rosa bend ever so sultrily over a table beat holding a stick of her own any other day?

And no, she was no longer talking about pool.

But seriously, boyfriend? If that were really true, Rosa was the worst girlfriend ever because she spent all her time hanging out with some other girl and as far as anyone around her was concerned, this boyfriend didn't exist.

Gina tells her as such.

"Boyfriend? The way he never shows up, I'd have thought he was dead."

She knows it's a low blow, and Gina knows it hurt because Rosa fixes her with a sharp glare.

"Shut up," Rosa swallows her words however, and Gina huffs sharply- they both give away how much they're hurting with each passing second.

"You never talk about him," Gina tells Rosa, and the way she averts her eyes lets Gina know that she knows this, was probably aware about this at some point. Rosa's a private person, but when she cares about someone she tends to mention them in conversations.

"And I never see him hanging out with you, you're always with me." Gina emphasizes this almost angrily, because somehow she feels cheated. Like all her feelings and the signs she saw were for nothing. She was just seeing what she wanted to see, and Rosa wanting Gina just as she wanted her was all just a big hallucination on her end. Gina feels her first tear fall. She wills herself to not let there be a second.

"We're... we're friends, Gina." Rosa weakly throws this out. "Friends hang out."

It's a flimsy excuse, and they both know it.

"Sure, but not like we do. Not as much as we do. You- you clearly prefer me over him."

"Don't say that." Rosa shakes her head, and that only makes what Gina said more true.

"What do you want me to say? That- that I'm sorry for kissing you? That I should've asked if you wanted to dump your boyfriend- who no one even sees these days- for me?"

Rosa gives up on the conversation, turns around to leave, but freezes when Gina grabs her by the hand. It's a desperate attempt but it appears to have worked.

Gina goes for an even more desperate, hinging on risky, move.

"Why'd you kiss back?"

And then Rosa Diaz bolts out of Gina's apartment like it had just caught fire and she needed to evacuate the building.

Gina's heart feels like it's on fire. And it’s not one that can be extinguished by the endless tears falling down her face right now as her knees give way and she leans with her back against the door; bawling so hard and so shrilling that Rosa would be able to hear if she was still close by. Gina hopes Rosa hears, and in the thousand imaginary scenarios she creates in her head, Rosa comes back and apologizes, kissing Gina and promising to break up with Pimento.

Rosa doesn’t come back, and Gina keeps sobbing her heart that she had laid out on the line, only to get it ripped to shreds.

She doesn't sleep that night, neither of them do.

As if by some unspoken arrangement after that, Gina and Rosa start treating each other like ghosts at the precinct.

They stop talking. Hanging out. They don't so much as look each other in the eye.

No one questions this of course, because most of their hang outs had been secret, and if anyone noticed something had changed between the two of them, they were too afraid to ask.

Gina wishes someone would ask.

Weeks fly by, and they keep ignoring each other. Gina takes to hanging out with Amy- in her head she's doing Amy a service- if Holt was Amy's work mentor, Gina feels like she's Amy's life mentor.

Rosa takes to hanging out with Jake, or working cases with Jake, and well, strangely, it worked in helping them keep apart.

They just make sure they back off when Jake decides he wants to look for Amy or Amy wants to talk to Jake, and it's the perfect set up to avoid each other.

In group situations, Gina makes sure never to respond to anything Rosa says, and as much as it hurts, she feels Rosa doing the same thing.

They're pulling away from each other.

During the party at Cop Con, they both get way too drunk and some of these rules slip away; Gina recalls flashes of a broken memory, dancing against the girl of her dreams as they do shot after shot and get more handsy while the night bleeds into day.

It's a good thing Gina wakes up first the next morning- sees her legs tangled with Rosa's. As tempting as it was to keep things that way she removes herself from Rosa's tight embrace and finds another bed in another room.

They stop laughing at each other's jokes and antics, maintaining either neutral expressions or downright scowling.

It's one of the hardest things Gina Linetti's ever had to do, and she got hit by a bus.

So far, this feels worse than that.