#I hate having responsibilities

[tim-drakes-cat-pic-collection]

I have a ton of crap I need to do in order to graduate, so unfortunately I have very little time to write, but I'm determined to at least finish sprucing up chapter 4 Bloody my nose, tell me I'm sweet this week. Here's a little something something from that process

“What if there was someone who needed help? Someone I could help. But there’s also a chance that trying to help would make things worse.”

Barbara laced her fingers under her chin and gave him her full attention. “Worse how?”

Jason stayed quiet. He bit his cheek.

“Paint a target on his back. Pull him in. You know to what.”

Barbara sighed.

“I suppose you want me to tell you not to do it. Or that it’ll all turn out okay.”

He winced.

“Or maybe you’re just looking for an excuse to pull away. You were always that way, even back then,” she added sadly.

Jason felt his fingers tighten unwittingly into a fist over the white tablecloth.

“You’d hold on with one hand and push away with the other.” Barbara continued without wavering. “I don’t think you ever really believed we were here to stay. That anyone was. And I’m sorry about that. I am.”

She pushed her hand halfway across the table, but didn’t let it connect with his. She was giving him the choice to pull back. When he didn’t, she laid her fingers over his fist, covering it protectively.

“I think you’re thinking about the wrong question here. You can’t control the outcome of your choices, not really. All you can do is make the choice you can live with.”

Jason eventually ground out wearily, "That’s not very altruistic of you, Princess, " once his breathing was steady and no longer stuck in his throat.

Barbara smiled, something bitter at the edges of it.

“I haven’t been an altruist for a long time.”

[theinnermeyoullneverknow]

For 15 fucking years I've been looking for a way to move across this goddamn country, and now when shit in my personal life would make doing so at least impractical if not downright cruel, I stumble across a job listing that sounds ideal (not in a too-good-to-be-true scam sort of way; like a lot of people probably wouldn't want the job but it seems like it'd be great for me) and pays enough to (mostly) cover the higher cost of living, so for funzies I pull up house listings and I find not just one but TWO perfect little houses in like the exact part of town I'd want either of which I could *technically* afford if I got that job and Aaaaaa!!!

[tittyblade]

im so sleepy

[fushiguwu]

hiii everyone don’t know if this is reaching yall but for those who are waiting for another cap just know that i am working on it! :3 hope i can update yall soon <3 mwah andddd i changed all the blog for a cooler colourrr

[sniickerdoodles]

I need to draw this.

wait she's so hot for this

[error-silence]

I actually LIKE how chaotic my tumblr profile looks thank you very much!

[egophiliac]

this is basically what happened, right?

(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)

[edandstede]

imagine it. sherlock returns in 2026. the baby is gone. what baby? the baby never existed. all the conspirators are vindicated. sherlock and john fuck nasty and the skull with glowing eyes on the wall watches. mystrade is canon. there is never any mention of his sister again and we still don’t know if sherlock’s best friend was a boy or a dog and at this point everyone is too afraid to ask.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Halloween! 🧼🥩🎃

[guardianspirits13]

Bouncing off all of the fanfics where the Dead Boys are brought back to life again for a period of time to suggest that their thoughts on it are the opposite of what you’d anticipate based on their perception of the living while they’re ghosts. Charles sorely misses living while a ghost, despite all the awful, awful things he was subjected to. Edwin, despite 70+ years in Hell, is perfectly content as a ghost and finds the living distasteful to a degree.

But, when they get hit by an “aliving” spell, that’s not how it goes down at all.

Edwin has not been in a human body for over a century- and even then only got sixteen years of it- so he forgets how much he was missing as a ghost. Actually being able to feel things- the warmth of human touch, the breeze through his hair, the texture of worn book pages. The smell of petrichor after rain, a warm cup of sweet tea. Even just sleeping and having the ability to give his overactive mind a break. He’s forgotten how many good things there were about being alive.

Charles, as expected, is thrilled to be alive again and his first few days on solid ground are a whirlwind, but his energy is short lived. He frequently sleeps over 12 hours a night, and can’t bring himself to get out from under the covers for another hour longer. His appetite fades quickly, and he finds that foods he’s been craving for 35 years just don’t taste the same. Initially he chalks it up to his mind and body readjusting to human life (despite Edwin having none of the same issues), and continues enjoying what he can. But eventually, it becomes clear that something is very very wrong. His right arm that he shattered at age 14 (and didn’t get properly treated for days) begins to ache again. Sudden touches are no longer a gentle spectral sensation, but an unexpected pressure that he shrinks away from. His body feels heavy, and his energy drains quickly if he has any to begin with.

It turns out that over three decades of repressed physical and emotional trauma took its toll on him, and he had naïvely forgotten-or perhaps willfully omitted- the struggle that was his life when he wasn’t out kissing girls and pretending like his father didn’t exist.

Edwin feels a sense of freedom in being human again, away from all the supernatural trauma he has endured, while for Charles it is more of a burden than he ever recalled it being.

[significant-narratives]

and who would i be, without my brother? (insp) (insp)

jonas sigel, the making of william nylander / pontus höök, instagram / michael nylander, wikipedia / jonas sigel, the making of william nylander / maurice sendak, transcript of npr interview / jonas sigel, the making of william nylander / billie eilish, birds of a feather / post media network, 'he’s always there for us': sports a family affair for michael nylander and his hockey- and tennis-playing children / toronto star via getty images / original edit / mark masters, nylander brothers primed to push each other in toronto / ajr, turning out / lance hornby, alex nylander joins brother william in toronto - with the marlies / ritika jyala, from the world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire / brett slawson, alex nylander a bust? / unverified source / david alter, the hockey news / unverified source / william nylander, twitter / dustin pearson, the world at its beginning / william nylander, wikipedia / kodaline, brother / alex nylander, wikipedia / original edit based off this tiktok comment / toronto maple leafs, twitter / mark blinch, instagram

[vaguely-concerned]

the mourn watch background gives you such a GIFT in having other characters notice and call out on-screen that rook code switches like a motherfucker. the whiplash of hearing my snarky 'heeey I'm just a little guy! :>' funnyman rook speak the heightened ritualized phrases of the mourn watch with perfect seriousness and gravity completely naturally and/or break into an academic tone that can keep up with emmrich at the drop of a hat never stops giving me such endless delight. truly their real mind is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside some hideous mourn watch casual wear

[shanastoryteller]

the thing is that dean locking sam in the panic room and leaving him to die is actually this great narrative moment where you look at dean and are forced to confront the reality that hell broke the very core of him, that it cracked the foundation he'd built himself on. alastair was no amateur and did his best to take the thing dean admired and valued most about himself and ruin it - and succeeded

dean of pre-hell would take one look at this guy and what he's doing to his brother and would have shot him in the head

this could have been a really great rock bottom moment for dean where he realizes he's not dealing with hell at all and he's taking it out on sam. and it's like yeah of course sam is lying and isnt telling you things - he barely recognizes you. you didn't really come back

the nightmare never ended. for either of them. in a lot of ways, for both of them, dean is still in hell

the show confronting and dealing with the fact that dean came back wrong would have been so unbelievably good but we just can't have nice things

[royalarchivist]

Wilbur: Who's the lucky- who's the lucky lady, who's Missa, what's she like?

Phil: It's a dude. *laughs*

Wilbur: Phil, you didn't tell me you were bi, and also polyamorous.

Phil: Definitely not.

Wilbur: What does Kri- what does Kristin think of your- of your... husband?

Phil: SHE'S NOT CANON IN THIS UNIVERSE! And we- and it's not like that, it's not like that- it's uh, we're- it's platonic, we're just dude's hanging out protecting an egg-

Wilbur: Who's the top?

Phil:

[inkskinned]

one of the things that i think we should pay attention to, socially, about the disney v. desantis thing is that it is really highlighting the importance of remembering nuance.

in a purely neutral sense, if you engage in something problematic, that does not mean you are necessarily agreeing with what makes it problematic. and i am worried that we have become... so afraid of any form of nuance.

disney isn't my friend, they're a corporate monopoly that bastardized copyright laws for their own benefit, ruin the environment, and abuse their workers (... and many other things). this isn't a hypothetical for me - i grew up in florida. i also worked for the actual Walt Disney World; like, in the parks. i am keenly aware of the ways they hurt people, because they hurt me. i fully believe that part of the reason florida is so conservative is because it's been an "open secret" for years now that disney lobbies the government to keep minimum wage down, and i know they worked hard to keep the parks unmasked and open during the worst parts of Covid. they purposefully keep their employees in poverty. they are in part responsible for the way the floridian government works.

desantis is still, by a margin that is frankly daunting, way worse. the alternative here isn't just "republicans win", it's actual fascism.

in a case like this, where the alternative is to allow actual fascism into united states legislation - where, if desantis wins, there are huge and legal ramifications - it's tempting to minimize the harm disney is also doing, because... well, it's not fascism. but disney isn't the good guy, either, which means republicans are having a field day asking activists oh, so you think their treatment of their employees is okay?

we have been trained there is a right answer. you're right! you're in the good group, and you're winning at having an opinion.

except i have the Internet Prophecy that in 2-3 months, even left-wing people will be ripping apart activists for having "taken disney's side". aren't i an anti-capitalist? aren't i pro-union? aren't i one of the good ones? removed from context and nuance (that in this particular situation i am forced to side with disney, until an other option reveals itself), my act of being like "i hope they have goofy rip his throat out onstage, shaking his lifeless body like a dog toy" - how quickly does that seem like i actually do support disney?

and what about you! at home, reading this. are you experiencing the Thought Crime of... actually liking some of the things disney has made? your memories of days at the parks, or of good movies, or of your favorite show growing up. maybe you are also evil, if you ever enjoyed anything, ever, at all.

to some degree, the binary idealization/vilification of individual motive and meaning already exists in the desantis case. i have seen people saying not to go to the disney pride events because they're cash grabs (they are). i've seen people saying you have to go because they're a way to protest. there isn't a lot of internet understanding of nuance. instead it's just "good show of support" or "evil bootlicking."

this binary understanding is how you can become radicalized. when we fear nuance and disorder, we're allowing ourselves the safety of assuming that the world must exist in binary - good or bad, problematic or "not" problematic. and unfortunately, bigots want you to see the world in this binary ideal. they want you to get mad at me because "disney is taking a risk for our community but you won't sing their praises" and they want me to get mad at you for not respecting the legit personal trauma that disney forced me through.

in a grander scheme outside of disney: what happens is a horrific splintering within activist groups. we bicker with each other about minimal-harm minimal-impact ideologies, like which depiction of bisexuality is the most-true. we gratuitously analyze the personal lives of activists for any sign they might be "problematic". we get spooked because someone was in a dog collar at pride. we wring our hands about setting an empty shopping mall on fire. we tell each other what words we may identify ourselves by. we get fuckin steven universe disk horse when in reality it is a waste of our collective time.

the bigots want you to spend all your time focusing on how pristine and pretty you and your interests are. they want us at each other's throats instead of hand in hand. they want to say see? nothing is ever fucking good enough for these people.

and they want their followers to think in binary as well - a binary that's much easier to follow. see, in our spaces, we attack each other over "proper" behavior. but in bigoted groups? they attack outwards. they have someone they hate, and it is us. they hate you, specifically, and you are why they have problems - not the other people in their group. and that's a part of how they fucking keep winning.

some of the things that are beloved to you have a backbone in something terrible. the music industry is a wasteland. the publishing industry is a bastion of white supremacy. video games run off of unpaid labor and abuse.

the point of activism was always to bring to light that abuse and try to stop it from happening, not to condemn those who engage in the content that comes from those industries. "there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism" also applies to media. your childhood (and maybe current!) love of the little mermaid isn't something you should now flinch from, worried you'll be a "disney adult". wanting the music industry to change for the better does not require that you reject all popular music until that change occurs. you can acknowledge the harm something might cause - and celebrate the love that it has brought into your life.

we must detach an acknowledgment of nuance from a sense of shame and disgust. we must. punishing individual people for their harmless passions is not doing good work. encouraging more thoughtful, empathetic consumption does not mean people should feel ashamed of their basic human capacities and desires. it should never have even been about the individual when the corporation is so obviously the actual evil. this sense that we must live in shame and dread of our personal nuances - it just makes people bitter and hopeless. do you have any idea how scared i am to post this? to just acknowledge the idea of nuance? that i might like something nuanced, and engage in it joyfully? and, at the same time, that i'm brutally aware of the harm that they're doing?

"so what do i do?" ... well, often there isn't a right answer. i mean in this case, i hope mickey chops off ron's head and then does a little giggle. but truth be told, often our opinions on nuanced subjects will differ. you might be able to engage in things that i can't because the nuance doesn't sit right with me. i might think taylor swift is a great performer and a lot of fun, and you might be like "raquel, the jet fuel emissions". we are both correct; neither of us have any actual sway in this. and i think it's important to remember that - the actual scope of individual responsibility. like, i also love going to the parks. Thunder Mountain is so fun. you (just a person) are not responsible for the harm that Disney (the billion dollar corporation) caused me. i don't know. i think it's possible to both enjoy your memories and interrogate the current state of their employment policies.

there is no right way to interrogate or engage with nuance - i just hope you embrace it readily.

[dirtytransmasc]

I find it deeply depressing that every adult in Spider's life had children, yet he was never anyone's priority. every adult he could and most likely attempted to match in to. the adults he remembered as the closest things he had to parents since birth (Jake and Norm, even if they weren't acting as his parents, because Spider, genuinely, would not know better). down to his actual foster family (the McCoskers). essentially went out of their way to de-prioritize him.

like I'm not faulting them for having kids, for having a family. but Spider was their first priority. he didn't need to be adopted by any of them, per say, but he was their responsibility. he was their orphan, Jake especially, considering he was the chief of his people, but Norm as well, seeing as he's a prominent figure head of the clan/Hellsgate.

the McCoskers took him in, but over the years, as they had their own children, he was more and more neglected. he was now no longer his actually appointed guardians priority. and that only gets worse and worse as he ages until they become outright abusive (Nash does anyway, cause thats what I'm gonna call violently kidnapping his, throwing him in a room and locking him there, and trying to kill all of them, him included, when they run away. as abuse. and I'll get back to the whole "you have to turn yourself in to the RDA" x2 speech from Jake in a second). they also didn't really accept his culture. with their resentment towards the Na'vi brewing, Spider most definitely faced some heat for being more of the forest than of humans, in terms of culture.

3 times over, Spider came first and was put last. put last by parents who know damn well how much love, time, care, and attention a child needs. who should be able to see when a kid is being neglected. who dialed to advocate and protect him from neglect (instead of calling him a stray).

he was a child and they were his advocates. all three parties failed in their duty as advocates, to protect Spider. to ensure he always had a loving home that made him their priority. that fulfilled all his needs, not just the physical ones. but all put their own families first, and abandoned Spider to the scraps of their love, time, and affection.

imagine being Spider, an orphan who can't even mention his birth parents and is always treated like he is the physical rebirth of his father's sins by half the people around him. every adult in your life has kids and seems like they're such a good parent. you watch their kids being loved and tended to and having a steady home. they receive love and affection constantly. but your fosters pay less and less attention to you as they have babies. and now your a stray to the man you look up to so much. and the man who probably taught you how to put an exopack on has less and less time for you. no one has time for you. you're no one's child. no one's priority. just a stray. a nuisance. and you don't truly belong anywhere.

no one was putting him first. children need to be someone's priority. psychology. they need it.

and then the RDA returns. the McCoskers leave, Spider is expected to leave everything he has ever known, to join the very people he hates and has been trying so hard since he could understand what it meant, to prove that he wasn't like them. Jake, the man he once looked up to, was telling him to leave. sending him away. stripping him of the little amount of family he could somewhatly claim, that being his siblings.

once again, Jake is his chief, should be looking out for him. not even as a father, per say, but as his duty to Spider as his chief. a chief should never be sending away his most vulnerable ward, a child he should consider his own (as all of his clans children should be one with his own children), to the opposing enemy force.

this happens again when they're running away, Jake tells him ever more directly to hide in the forest alone until the RDA stops shooting at everything that moves and then turn himself in so he can his own children could run. once again, putting him last, instead of protecting all of them.

then for a year, Spider has no family. no one. the McCoskers are gone and no one has stepped up to bat for him. he's 15/16 and alone. his the big sibling to the Sully's. those kids are all he has, but they aren't really looking out for him. he's looking out for them. cause he's the oldest. that's just how it is. he is one with the clan. lives with them. does chores. watches out for his siblings, the whole nine. but Jake isn't doing his duty of watching out for his ward. he is once again giving and giving and giving, and not receiving.

and then he is taken, he is taken, and while Jake may not have had the means to go back for Spider, or been able to take the risk of going back for him, he abandons him without a thought for his safety, and puts his children first. it's the language and attitude be poses towards the situation that is wild to me. he has every right to be worried about his children, but he could not spare Spider an ounce of concern, even knowing the danger he was in, and is more concerned about him spilling details then anything else. Spider is, once again, not his first, second, or even third priority. he is a means to an end. a necessary loss.

people only care about Spider when there's nothing else they can put before him.