#I hate harry potter never bring it up around me

[lovegalor333]

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

im here

summary: you’re having a bad day so you call paige to come over so you’re not alone

content warnings: talks of depression

Most of your days were good now. You could get up in the morning, make breakfast, go to classes, study, eat and shower without any problems. But every now and then your brain reminds you that it has a chemical imbalance and you feel paralysed. Today was one of those days. Everything felt like a task that you couldn’t bring yourself to complete and that’s why it was 3PM and you still hadn’t moved from your bed.

You had woken up this morning with a familiar sinking feeling in your stomach and you knew immediately that today was not going to be a good day. You had tried to get up and push through but you physically couldn’t, it was as if you were chained in place.

Your thoughts were dark and overwhelming and you didn’t know how to handle them. You’re mind was telling you the most evil things and you believed it. You believed no one cared about you, you believed you were a burden, you believed you were better off dead. Even after years of battling with depression it was so hard for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Your friends knew that you struggled and they always said you could go to them when things got bad, talk them, you weren’t alone, but you hated admitting defeat, you hated putting your problems on them. It made you feel weak, like a baby but you needed someone right now, you needed to be held and told everything was going to be OK so you called the one person you knew would be here in a heartbeat.

No less than fifteen minutes after the phone call, there was a knock at your door and it took everything inside of you to peel yourself out of bed to answer it.

“Bad day?” Paige asks emphatically as you opened the door to her. It looked like she had just come from a workout, clad in her UConn gear, hair bundled into a low bun at the base of her neck.

“Something like that.” You mummble in response as she steps into your apartment.

“Did something happen?” She makes herself comfortable on your couch which wasn’t out of the ordinary, Paige was a regular visitor to your place and had been since you first met in your freshman year.

“Just my stupid brain. I can’t take it anymore, it’s never ending.” You huff, feeling your eyes prickle with tears, “It’s exhausting.” You add and the tears begin to spill out.

“Y/N, come here.” Paige beckoned, tapping the space beside her.

Your steps towards her are small and slow, it’s all you can manage, if you moved any faster you might just drop to the ground and never get up.

You sit beside Paige and her arm immediately wraps around you in a warm embrace, whenever she hugged you, you felt safe and today was no different. She held you for a few moments in silence just letting you cry into her shoulder.

“I hate seeing you cry. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re going to be OK, Y/N. You’re the strongest girl I know and you’ll get through this. These feelings are just temporary.” She consoles softly and you look up at her and even through your teary gaze, her face is radiant and glowing and her eyes are soft and comforting as they look back at you.

“Thank you for coming.” You sniffle, wiping your cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater, “I didn’t want to be alone.”

“I’m here and I’ll always be here, whenever you need me.” She tells you and her hand comes up to wipe a stray tear and it lingers on your cheekbone for longer than usual and your stomach flutters at the feeling.

Nothing had ever happened between you and Paige, you were just friends, really good friends and you didn’t want anything to ruin that.

Paige clears her throat as her hand drops to her lap, “How about a movie?” She suggests giving you a small smile, “I’ll even watch Harry Potter.” She says knowing that it’s your all time favourite film. She usually refuses to watch it, claiming she ‘hates’ it but you’re starting to think different.

“Really?” You ask taken aback at her suggestion.

“Yes, come on.” She stands up and holds out her hand for you to take and you hesitate a little because you never held hands but something felt different today and as you slip you hand into hers, she squeezed it slightly and your stomach flutters for the second time at your friends touch.

You get comfortable on your bed, gathering blankets and pillows while Paige flicks through Netflix in seach of the movie. You watch her intently from behind, her tall frame stood in front of you, toned legs slightly apart, her arms are crossed in front of her so her biceps are flexed perfectly and maybe it’s the low lighting of your room and the way it makes her skin look soft and smooth or maybe it’s your sadness induced state but you want to touch her, you want to feel your skin on hers.

“Paige…” You break the silence nervously considering your next words.

“Uh huh.” She responds turning her to look at you over her shoulder.

“Come here for a second.” You say shuffling yourself to the edge of the bed.

“What’s up?” She asks, coming over and sitting beside you, the bed sinking down under her weight.

You don’t actually know why you called her over and you couldn’t exactly say ‘I just wanted you close’, she’d think you were crazy so you wrap your arms around her in a tight hug and she doesn’t question it, she just hugs you back, her head falling into the crook of your neck. Her scent is sweet and vanilla-y and her arms are strong around your torso and your head begins to spin, “Kiss me.” You blurt out without thinking and you feel Paige tense around you.

“What?” She stutters, pulling away to look into your eyes.

You refuse to look at her, embarrassed at your desperation, “Um- nothing. Sorry, just put the movie on.” You say trying to move away from her but she still has her arms around you and she doesn’t let go.

“No, Y/N. Don’t apologise. I’m just- I don’t know, shocked.” She admits and you could be sick there and then, you’ve ruined everything with someone who cared about you deeply.

“I don’t know why I said that. Ignore me.” You mutter, eyes focused on your lap.

“Please look at me.” Paige urged, bringing one of her hands to lift your face.

Her blue eyes were beautiful and you felt stupid as you looked into them, someone like Paige wouldn’t dream of kissing you.

“I never imagined this was how it would go.” Paige utters, both hands now on your face, holding you delicately.

“What?” You ask stunned.

Paige had imagined you kissing?

“I always imagined I would initiate our first kiss.” She admits, cheeks flushing a light shade of pink.

“You want to kiss me?”

“Y/N, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while.” Your heart skips a beat at her confession.

“What’s stopping you.” You whisper, leaning your face closer to Paiges and that does it, in a flash her lips are on yours and yours eyes flutter shut at the feeling you’ve unconsciously craved for so long.

Her lips are soft and subtle just as you imagined, she tasted like fresh mint and as one hand stayed on your face, the other explored your body, trailing down your arm and then your back, you felt like you were floating.

Your hands did some exploring of their own, starting at Paiges waist and making their way up to her chest where they rested for a moment before sliding onto her arms, your fingers finally getting a touch of her skin.

The smile on both your faces was cheesy to say the least as you both pulled away, slightly breathless.

“That was…” She begins but trails off.

“Yeah…” You reply, equally as lost for words as the blonde girl in front of you.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

a/n: i love soft paige 🥺🥺

[allthesmutl0vers]

Smutty Harry Potter Headcanons (F! Reader)

MDNI. 18+. Heavy Smut.

Requests Are Open- Please Send Requests

Request: Not a request, just drabble.

Summary: How the characters would react to you teasing them while wearing a short skirt.

Pairings: Harry Potter/F!Reader, Ron Weasley/F!Reader, George Weasley/F!Reader, Fred Weasley/F!Reader, Draco Malfoy/F!Reader.

TW: Smut, Sexual References, Fingering, Oral (M! and F! receiving), Dom/Sub Relationships, Edging, Primal Play, Choking, Claiming, Hair Pulling. (No use of Y/N)

Smut Below��️🌶️

Harry Potter

You’ve been teasing Harry all day, bending over just enough to barely give him a peak of the apex of your thighs. When he finally manages to corner you in the hallway, he pulls you into an empty classroom with a hand covering your mouth. 

“Shh, don’t want to go giving our secret away now, do you?” Harry chuckles darkly as his hand roams under the front of your skirt as he clutches you tightly from behind. “Mm-mm,” you shake your head, unable to speak under his hand. Harry groans as his fingers pull your panties to the side, slipping a finger between your folds and circling your clit. “So wet for me. Does teasing me get you off, little doe?” he whispers in your ear. You nod against his hand as he slips a finger in your entrance. “Then bend over the desk and spread your pretty thighs for me so I can give you what you’re so desperate for.”

Harry eats you out like a man starved, his tongue flicking and licking your clit, drawing out whimpers that, to anyone else, would make them think you’re dying. And in a sense, you are. The way he thrusts his fingers inside of you as he laps at your clit could send you to heaven or drag you to hell. Either way, you’re just praying he doesn’t stop.

Ron Weasley

Ron acts shy around others, but you know just how possessive he can be. And you intend to draw it out any way you can. You know how much he equally hates and loves your silk tennis skirt. He’s told you countless times never to wear it without tights to prevent anyone else from catching a glimpse at what’s his. So when you saunter down the stairs and sit on his lap with fishnets underneath it, you know you’re in for it. Good thing nobody is home at the burrow for the moment. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks as you sit down on his lap, facing the fireplace. You turn your head to look at him over your shoulder, giving him the best innocent look you can as his hands grip your thighs. “Nothing at all,” you respond with a smirk. “Did you forget the rule for this skirt already, angel?” Ron teases. “You know not to wear this without stockings,” Ron warns you. “I’m wearing stockings,” You smile smugly. Ron chuckles darkly, and you know you have him right where you want him. But what you don’t expect is for Ron to reach under your skirt and rip your fishnets apart at your crotch. You let out a soft gasp as his hand cups your pussy. “Ron…” You whine. “My stockings,” Ron chuckles as his free hand wraps itself in your hair and pulls your head back to his shoulder. “Pathetic excuse for stockings,” he taunts as he thrusts two fingers into your entrance. “Now cum on my fingers, angel, and maybe I’ll buy you new ones.”

Ron isn’t gentle as he brings you right up to the edge and throws you over. Over. And over. And over again until you’re begging him to have mercy on you. But you knew what you were getting yourself into when you flaunted yourself in front of him, as he not so gently reminds you. Only when you’re a shaky, sweaty, whimpering mess does he finally withdraw his fingers, bringing them to his lips and sucking your cum off of his fingers and demanding you to change before his brothers get back. Because god forbid anyone else see the mess he turns you into.

George Weasley

George is always the life of the party. Especially when Gryffindor wins a quidditch match like they did today. It’s also a surefire way to know you are going to get a reward for being his favorite cheerleader. You grind your ass against his crotch as you dance and drink, feeling him growing harder under his pants. You know how much he loves when you dress a little slutty. He knows he doesn’t have to worry about other people looking because he made damn sure to ruin sex with anyone else. You bend over slightly, arching your back as you grind against him during an especially sultry part of the song. When he can’t take the teasing anymore, he drags you to his dorm, locking it and slamming you against the door as he smashes his lips to yours. 

“Merlin, woman. You drive me crazy,” he groans as he lifts your skirt. “Almost as crazy as this sweet pussy makes me,” he groans, kneeling in front of you and keeping you pressed against his door. He rips your panties down and makes you let out a loud gasp as he shoves his face between your thighs and licks a long swipe between your folds. “Georgie,” you moan as your eyes roll back and you grip his hair. George hums against your clit, sending a heavenly vibration right to your clit, bringing you right to the edge. You whimper at the loss of his tongue when he pulls back and stands up, licking your juices from his lips. “Impatient, aren’t we?” He taunts with a smirk as he pulls down his pants and kicks them off to the side. You nod and moan as he lifts your leg, and his tip pushes against your entrance. “Fuck, yes,” you moan as he thrusts inside of you, your eyes rolling back as his cock stretches you and hits that perfect spot inside. “Give me your eyes,” he moans as he pulls back and thrusts inside of you harder. You pull your hooded gaze to his eyes as he grips your leg harder. “That’s it, baby. Look at me as I bury my cock inside of you,” he pants. “Such a good girl.”

After he makes you cum, he lifts you without withdrawing his cock, sets you on his desk, and fucks you harder. You moan, practically scream, making him cover your mouth. As much as he loves to hear you scream, he loves to show what’s his, but nobody is allowed to hear the sounds you make when he makes you shatter around him two, three, four times. What he does like people to see? How you struggle to walk, let alone dance when you return back to the party.

Fred Weasley

Nobody can make detention fun. Nobody besides Fred, at least. You swear, sometimes you and he try to get detention in the forbidden forest just to get the chance to be chased around in the dark and plowed against the nearest tree once he catches you, and he always does. Tonight, you decided to make the punishment when he catches you even harder on yourself, wearing the shortest skirt in your wardrobe to tease him with on the walk down. Running through the woods, you wonder when he’ll catch you. He does every time, and this time is no different. But he’s extra rough on you tonight as he plows into you without mercy. 

Fred grunts as he holds your legs up, plowing into you as you clutch his shoulders. “Look what a pretty mess you are for me,” he moans as he thrusts into you again; you could swear his cock is ramming into your cervix with how deep it is. “Who’s pussy is this? Tell me, little one,” he moans as he grips your thighs with a bruising grip. “Yours,” you moan loudly. “Fuck, Freddie, it’s all yours,” you cry out. Fred moans as he brings you both right to the edge. He shifts, freeing one of his hands, and brings his fingers to your clit, rubbing fast circles as he continues to fuck you relentlessly. “Goddamn right, it’s mine. Now I want your screams. Give them to me, baby,” he moans as you clutch his robes. “Give me your screams as you cum on my cock,” he demands. His filthy words and the merciless way he fucks you send you right over the edge with him.

But he’s not nearly done with you yet; the night is young. He pulls you to your knees, shoves his cock into your mouth, and fucks your throat because that’s his, too. You love hearing him claim you, every part of you, as he takes you any and everywhere. After cumming down your throat, he makes you ride him, cumming inside of you again before he has finally had his fill, and you two can look for whatever thing you were supposed to find in this goddamn forest.

Draco Malfoy

Draco loves to fuck you before his quidditch matches and loves to know you’re dripping his cum as you watch and cheer for him from the stands. Today is no different besides the fact you’ve been teasing him all morning, bending over and twirling in the skirt he told you a million times to throw out, buying you new ones, but you can’t help how much it gets you off when he takes possession of you, jinxing anyone who dares to try to sneak a peek. Normally, he would take you to his dorm to fuck you before his game, taking his time and blocking anyone from hearing you with an enchantment. But not today. Today, he fucks you in the locker room, making you scream as he spears you with his cock after he comes down your throat. If you want to show off what’s his, he’ll make you show them just how good he makes you feel. 

“That’s it, princess,” he moans as he fucks you from behind, pinning your arms behind your back as you’re bent over the bench. “Let them hear just how much you love my cock buried in your tight pussy,” he demands, gripping your hair and pulling your head back with his free hand. A scream tears through your throat as your walls clench around his cock. “Fuck, yes! I love it!” you cry as mascara runs down your face. “What’s my fucking name?” He growls, releasing your hair to land a sharp swat on your ass. “Draco!” You cry as your ass stings, only serving to make you wetter. He pulls out to the tip and thrusts into you harder. “And who do you belong to?!” He taunts, making you whimper. “Fucking answer me,” he demands, swatting your ass again. “D-Draco!” you scream as your legs begin to shake and the tether winding tighter inside your core threatens to snap. Draco groans and tilts his head back. Normally, he’d kill someone for hearing your screams that are only meant for him, but right now, he’d have you scream in front of a microphone for the entire wizarding world to hear just how good he makes you feel. That he’s the only one who makes you feel so good. He flips you over, laying you down on the bench and thrusting back into you without remorse. “So pretty when you cry for me,” he taunts as he smudges the mascara running down your face before gripping your throat. “Now give me what I want,” he demands with dark, hooded eyes. You feel your walls clench around his throbbing cock as your back arches, and you grip the bench above your head. A scream tears through your throat as your whole body shakes, your orgasm ripping through you like a hurricane.

People stare at you, some whispering behind your back as you sit in the stands, watching Draco play. Any sensible person would be embarrassed that people heard them get fucking plowed and now have their boyfriend's cum dripping from their body, but not you. Maybe you two need to find some people who like to listen, maybe even watch, but certainly not touch. A shudder runs through you as you think about what Draco would do if someone tried to touch you while he was fucking you. You clench your thighs at the thought, would he kill them? Maybe. Maybe you should find out. God, what has he turned you into?

[its-rach-writes]

A Panicked Dinner Party - Sirius Black

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: You and Sirius go to the Potter's for backup when Harry brings one of his friends around for dinner.

Warnings: fluff, swearing, panicked James, everyone lives au

A/n: I have a love/hate relationship with canon, can you tell? Hope you guys enjoy this and please let me know what you think! xxx

You were spritzing yourself with your favourite perfume before putting in the earrings that Sirius had got you for your birthday. Two strong arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled into a toned chest. You giggled as he kissed your cheek, his stubble scratching against your skin.

“You look beautiful.”

You smiled at him in the reflection of the mirror as you leaned against him, “thank you,” you turned in his arms, fingers locking at the back of his neck as you pulled him into a proper kiss.

Sirius held your jaw gently as he kissed you back, “Mm,” he pulled you into a hug, resting his chin on your shoulder as he let out a sigh, “do we have to go to this dinner?”

“Yes,” you laughed as he groaned, “we promised James and Lily.”

“If that little toe rag steps out of line,” he trailed off with a growl.

“Baby,” you cupped his cheeks, staring into his gorgeous grey eyes, “I don’t think Harry would be inviting him to dinner if he was going to be horrible.” Sirius nodded, letting out a slow breath, you pressed a lingering kiss against his lips, “let me get my shoes on, then we’ll go.”

Once your shoes were on, you both apparated to Godric’s Hollow. You laced your fingers through your husband’s – so he wouldn’t run – as you walked up the Potter’s path. Before you could knock, the door was pulled open. The relief that spread across Lily’s face was almost laughable as she let you in.

“Thank Merlin you’re here! And you brought the wine, good,” she gasped as you handed her the bottle of wine. Before you could ask what was wrong, she spoke up again, “James is driving me fucking nuts.”

Almost on cue, James came into the hallway, a hand in his hair, “don’t panic,” he mumbled to himself, that’s when he saw you and raced up to you, his hands on your shoulders, shaking you slightly, “don’t fucking panic!”

You tried to hold in your laughter but it was near impossible, “James, you’re the only one who’s panicking right now,” Remus laughed as he popped his head round the corner, waving at you and Sirius.

Remus’ voice seemed to bring James out of the trance he was in. He muttered a ‘sorry’ as he let you and Sirius come through.

“So, why are you panicking anyway?” you asked as you shrugged out of your jacket and Lily poured you a glass of wine.

Sirius scoffed, “I’m sure you would panic too if the world’s biggest prat was coming round to our house for dinner,” Sirius quickly shut up as you and Lily glared at him.

Lily sighed as she took a swallow wine, “James thinks Draco and Harry are dating.”

You and Sirius were too shocked to speak, it seemed amazing that Harry had befriended someone that he’d hated, in his final year of school. So, the notion of them dating seemed unlikely.

“What makes you think they’re dating?” Remus asked in a calm voice.

James bit at his thumbnail, “he’s never once talked about girls, he’s only ever talked about boys. First, it was Oliver Wood, then Cedric Diggory and now, Draco Malfoy,” a look of horror washed over his face as he sank against the counter, “Merlin, my son is gay and thinks he can’t tell me. I’ve failed as a parent.”

Lily kissed his cheek, “sweetheart, he knows he can tell you if he’s gay, all teenagers are secretive.”

“I’m not ready to meet Harry’s boyfriend,” he mumbled.

“James, it’ll be fine, that’s why you’ve got us,” you gestured to Remus and Sirius, “but it’s not going to be fine if the veggies burn,” you went over to turn the heat off. He let out a watery chuckle and stood up to help you.

You had all managed to calm James down – with the help of some Firewhiskey – but when he heard a key turn in the lock he looked panicked again. In walked Harry, along with Ron, Hermione and Draco.

“We’re here guys!” he called out and walked into the living room, “Draco, this is well, everyone,” he laughed, looking slightly overwhelmed by the amount of people.

“Hi everyone,” Malfoy nodded. He shook James’ hand and returned Lily’s warm hug. You and Remus greeted him, while Sirius nodded his head but said nothing.

“Sirius, he’s your cousin,” you hissed.

“Second cousin,” he corrected you.

Ron picked up a parcel that he’d dropped off earlier in the week and handed it to Draco, “mum made this for you,” the tips of his ears turned red as Draco removed the tissue paper.

Molly had knitted him a green jumper that had the letter ‘D’ emblazoned on the front, with a snake curled up at its base. Draco smiled at Ron, “thanks Wea-,” he cut himself off, “Ron,” he corrected himself.

You figured that would take some getting used to. When Malfoy pulled the jumper over his head, Harry grinned and adjusted the collar. Draco let him, it looked very natural, like this had all happened before. James who had been getting increasingly antsy looked as though he’d reached his limit and pulled Ron and Hermione into the kitchen. Draco and Harry didn’t notice as they’d engaged Remus in conversation. You and Lily hovered around the door to listen in.

“Guys, are Harry and Malfoy,” he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

“Shagging?”

“Dating?”

Ron and Hermione spoke at the same time, “either,” James stuttered, looking more panicked at their words.

Ron and Hermione glanced at each other before turning to look back at James, “we don’t know,” Hermione said.

James looked slightly relieved that even Harry’s best friends didn’t know what was going on between Harry and Draco.

As dinner progressed, it was clear that Draco had matured a lot in the past year, you were glad he wasn’t a carbon copy of his father. He’d seemed to win everyone over, even Sirius, well Sirius was finally speaking to him in full sentences and looked him in the eye as he did so.

“Can you pass the salt please?” Draco nudged Harry who passed the salt over, “cheers, Potter,” it wasn’t said in a mocking way, his voice was full of affection as he said it.

James looked between Draco and his son, the panic on his face had slowly dissipated over the course of the dinner. You had to admit that they looked good together. While James was getting dessert together, you all pretended not to notice as Harry followed his father into the kitchen.

You perched on the edge of Sirius’ knee and kissed his cheek, laughing as he pulled you into his chest. James and Harry were in the kitchen for a little while, talking in hushed tones and you wished there was a way to block them out completely so they could have their privacy. You did catch them share a tight hug. Harry soon walked out of the kitchen with a grin on his face. James followed shortly carrying the treacle tart, his eyes were suspiciously wet but full of pride.

[fastbrother]

Detention (E, 1k words)

Harry spends his eighth year recontextualising his relationship with Draco Malfoy.

Tags: Only One Broom, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Fluff and Smut, Praise Kink, Top!Harry Potter

Author's note: Drarry one-shot I wrote for @kk1smet's birthday. Thank you for creating such wonderful art for this fandom, and for letting me use it here! K's original art post can be found here, and you can see more of her art at the bottom of this post!

* * *

They’ve been fighting since—well, since forever. But also since noon. The sky is dark now, and Harry has run out of patience. He turns on his heel, leaving Malfoy to scream into the void.

“Just where do you think you’re going?” 

“I’m going back to the castle. We’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Out of the question. I’m not spending another day—”

Harry can’t think of many things crueller than the detention McGonagall came up with for them. Another day stuck in the forest with Malfoy and he might just crack. But he’s already cracked, hasn’t he? He’s cracked about a thousand times today. 

“Suit yourself. If you can find unicorn hair in the dark, then by all means, go and find it. I’m going back.” 

And with that, Harry mounts his broom.

“Don’t you dare leave me here alone.”

“Then hop on.”

There’s a break, a little silence.  

“Fine. We’ll go back. But I’m flying.”

“Whatever,” Harry says, too tired for another fight. He dismounts, and offers the broom to Malfoy. 

The sound of crushed leaves fills the air as Malfoy comes closer, then grabs the broom in one swift motion. 

They get on.

Why did Harry think it was a good idea to only bring one broom? He’s uncomfortable, seated much too low, and has nowhere to put his hands. He hates not being in control of it, too. Malfoy flies with too much grace, a sin he didn’t know existed until that very moment. 

Time passes slowly.

Harry’s just got used to the precarious balance when a Thestral whizzes by.

“Ah,” Harry says, against his will, and wraps his hands around Malfoy’s waist. At the same time—or was it earlier?!—Malfoy’s hand lands on Harry’s calf, making Harry swallow the sorry he was about to blurt out. 

Surely, Malfoy will say sorry himself. Or remove his hand. 

He doesn’t. 

So Harry doesn’t remove his hands either. 

They land, and Malfoy’s hand lingers for a second too long.

They’re silent on the way to the castle. It’s bizarre, because the two of them are never silent. They bicker in class, when they’re forced to sit together for “the optics.” They bicker in the corridors, when they bump into each other. They bickered all day today. And now they’re silent, too silent, and the ghost of Malfoy’s touch buns a hole through Harry’s jeans.

Their footsteps echo against the stone walls. And then they stop. They’ve reached the staircase where their paths diverge. Harry has to go up the stairs, while Malfoy carries on.

They look at each other, neither of them moving. Then, at the same time, they act. Malfoy clears his throat. Harry walks towards a broom closet. 

Malfoy follows him in. It’s dark, much too dark to see, but he hears Malfoy dropping to his knees. He lets out a sound when he feels Malfoy’s hands parting his robes. The sounds intensify when Malfoy takes his cock out, and puts his mouth on it. It’s all so unexpected, so wonderfully wet and generous, Harry feels around until he touches Malfoy’s head. He’s really there. 

Fucking Draco Malfoy. Is on his knees. Sucking him off. 

Harry finishes in his mouth, and only afterwards realises he’s been panting. 

* * *

Harry corners Malfoy after Charms. Since last night, he’s had time to think. Truly, he’s had so much time to consider everything that’s ever happened between them, all the nuances of their relationship, all the ways in which they came together. And with all that knowledge safely stored in his brain, Harry locks the door.

Malfoy sinks to his knees. The light spills through the arched windows, and Harry can look into his eyes as he takes Harry in. 

“Jesus Christ,” Harry says, watching Malfoy’s lips strain against his cock. “I want to fuck you.”

Malfoy is a good little boy, because he releases his cock, stands up and bends over Flitwick’s desk. Harry lifts up his robe. 

“You’ve finally shut up,” Harry says, inserting one finger into Malfoy’s hole, pulling a moan out of him. “I love that.”

Harry doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but figures out enough. When he’s close, he pushes Malfoy back on his knees and comes all over his face.

Malfoy licks it off his lips. He’s finished in his pants.

* * *

Harry fucks Malfoy everywhere he can. He fucks him in deserted classrooms. In broom closets. The prefects’ bathroom. He fucks him so much and so often, they’ve both fallen behind on schoolwork. When they get detention for it, Harry fucks Malfoy on the forest bed. 

* * *

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Harry says, looking down at Malfoy. It’s the Christmas hols, and all of Malfoy’s roommates are away. It’s the first time they fuck in a bed.

“You’re beautiful,” Malfoy says, and drags Harry into a kiss. 

* * *

“You’re insatiable,” Draco says when Harry falls into step with him after breakfast. “We have Potions in five minutes.”

“Five minutes is plenty of time.”

Draco rolls his eyes, but lets Harry drag him into a broom closet. 

They waste most of the five minutes kissing, and then another five undressing. By the time Harry comes all over Draco’s chest, the bell ringing is a distant memory. 

“If we get detention again, I’ll kill you,” Draco says while he picks up his robes from the floor. 

“Don’t worry,” Harry says, cleaning them off both. “You go first.”

Harry waits two minutes before going into the classroom. 

“Professor, sorry I’m—”

His gaze falls on Draco, sporting a red tie and looking at Harry in horror. Just like everybody else.

Harry looks down at his own green tie. 

“—late,” he concludes, amidst rising bouts of laughter.

“Shh,” Slughorn says, trying and failing at suppressing a grin. “Ah, nothing like young love, is there? But also, detention to the two lovebirds.”

Harry shrugs at the Gryffindors’ shocked faces, then sits down next to Draco. 

“Sorry,” he whispers, a hand on Draco’s knee under the table.

“I’ll never forgive you,” Draco says solemnly. 

That night, they fuck—and sleep—in Harry’s bed.

Super adorable chibi art of them fondling each other on the broom © @kk1smet! 💖

[writingsfromhome]

If you Love Something

A/N: this has been an idea sitting in my drafts for a while. You and Harry had a brief but intense relationship as teenagers, were forced to make a serious decision then, and it’s aftereffects have lingered for the rest of your lives. It deals with some heavier topics so read with caution (alcoholism, depression, unwanted pregnancy etc). I’d describe it as sad but hopeful.

Part 2

—————————————

Age 17.

It started in secret. We’d found each other on the roof of a house party. Truth be told, I saw him sneak out of the window where people were crowded around the TV watching some controversial music video I hadn’t heard about. And I’d followed.

I knew who Harry was. Had him in English, Maths, and Biology last year. He was well spoken, thoughtful, and silly. I never spoke to him once though. Only admired him from afar.

Tonight I had my first drink and then another. I was feeling buzzed and despite being painfully shy for most of the time I’d known everyone here, I was suddenly gripped by the realization that we were approaching the last year we would all be together. Why had I waited this long to pursue someone I thought was cute?

I snuck out after him, when my friends weren’t looking. I even tilted the window more closed than usual so no one would suspect anything; I had the attic room at home so I knew how to maneuver the angled roof to get comfortable.

“You need any help?” Harry’s voice is clear in the silence.

“I’m alright.” I stand up to peer at him. He’s climbed near the top.

“Sure? You don’t seem steady.”

“Oh I’m steady,” I prove it to him by climbing up to where he was. “See?”

“I’m mistaken. My bad.” He holds out a hand to help me sit beside him and the night sky flashes brighter for an instant when I grasp his hand. My stomach is in knots.

“Harry. Styles.” I don’t know why I say his full name but I was nervous.

He repeats my full name back to me. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows it. It’s not like we went to a big school.

“What brings you out here?”

I try to be bold about it, “You?”

“Party was getting too much.” He says. I stare at him in confusion while he complains about something his friends had gotten up to.

I replay my answer and realized it sounded like I’d skipped answering his question and asked the question back. Bugger.

“You know my name.” I interrupt him, forgetting he was telling me a story. Awkward.

“Yeah? Of course I do.”

“We’ve never talked.”

“We talked. Once in Maths. We had to grade each other’s answers.”

Oh yeah. I burn when I remember the 4/10 he’d given me with a smiley face saying that maths was masochistic.

“Barely.”

“I know you though,” he says with a softness that makes my heart stutter.

“Do you?” I look to him, resting my chin on my shoulder. He gazes down at me and I swear I could taste the colours around us.

His eyes draw me deeper as he inches closer. Was he going to kiss me? Oh my god.

I look back out to the roof and he jerks away. Omg.

“I do.”

“Oh,” I don’t know what to do after that awkward moment.

“I know you’re really quiet and shy but your smile is so loud you can see it from across the room.” He says and my breath catches as he continues. “You’re yourself with your friends, you really like Harry Potter and field hockey. You would kill Mal Adams if you could get away with it and you hate Maths just as much as you love art. You’re dating Oli Graves but your smile is only ever shining half as bright when you’re around him. Can I go on?”

I stop breathing completely halfway through his declaration of knowing me. All this time I had my eye on him, I didn’t know he was watching me too.

“I didn’t ask you for your opinion on my relationship.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t give you one either.”

I glare at him. He was right. He smiles knowing he was. I’m mad that I’m not mad at him. That he was right.

“What are you doing with a guy like that?”

Oli and I had been dating for 7 months now. He was loud and fun in a way I wish I could be. That’s why I liked him so much. That’s why I was at a party like this to begin with.

“He’s a good guy.”

“That’s all?” He asks. I look over but he’s looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze and get lost in the great expanse of nighttime.

“I think you deserve someone who sees you. Don’t you?”

“Did Ally see you?” I ask with a hint of aggression I didn’t mean to have.

“Ally and I broke up during Easter. So there’s your answer.” He’s unbothered.

“Well what do you want?” I ask.

“Right now? Or in life?”

I shrug. “Both?”

“I want to explore the world and meet all kinds of people. I wanna make the world a better place by being in it. It’s cheesy as shit so if you ever said I said this I’ll deny it and you’ll look like-“

“My lips are sealed.” I turn his way to promise him that. It makes me laugh at how serious he looks saying it all and when I do his face relaxes.

“You laugh is nice too. I forgot to mention that.”

That quiets me very quickly.

“And right now,” he continues. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

My ears ring. Did I hear him right? Could you get so drunk you hallucinate? I swear the cold air had sobered me-

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry’s moved in closer to me. Did I? I don’t know.

“What d-“

“I’d like to kiss you.”

I nod, afraid to talk and realize I’d hallucinated him saying that.

The world melts away when he kisses me. It’s tender, nothing like Oli and his jagged pushy kissing. In the nighttime air it’s warm, and soft, and easy.

“I know you,” Harry says when we part. I’d nearly climbed into his lap and I try to edge away, embarrassed, but he keeps a hand firm on my thigh.

“I know you too Harry,” I breathe. He smiles and it crinkles his luscious eyes.

I think I was falling.

***

We keep it a secret after I break up with Oli. For months, until mid-August when I invite him over for dinner after my mom insists on meeting “the boy I was all doe-eyed over”. The night with my family goes so well—Harry is the picture of a courteous gentleman that even my sister is swayed by him despite saying boys were gross. I ask him to hang out, in public, the next day. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

That’s what I love about Harry—yes love. He’s not pushy, he lets me go at my own pace. He respects me and sees me for everything I am and loves me anyway. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

It was so intense and relaxed at the same time. It felt like no relationship I’d been in before. I felt different being with him, even my friends noticed.

When final year started, Harry and I were official but we didn’t flaunt it. We didn’t need to. My friends knew about us and they were happy for us, they told me I was more me. Whatever that meant.

Life was phenomenal and I was living in a dusky haze. Nothing could touch us.

Until one day in February. I was out with my sister, mum didn’t want to take her out and since I recently got my driver’s license with plenty of lessons from Harry, I was driving her to the mall. She needed Valentine’s Day cards.

“I thought you said love is stupid.” I remind her on the way.

“It is.”

“So why the hell am I driving you to buy cards for a made up holiday?”

“Because!” She crosses her arms and stares out the window. I flick her arm at a red light.

“You have a crush.”

“I do not!”

“Do too. Who is it? James? Mattie? Hamid?”

“Ew! They’re freaks.” My sister continues staring out the window.

“Why do you want to buy cards so bad!?”

“I just want them! For my friends!”

“Okay then,” I didn’t believe her. But I couldn’t bring her home crying or mum would ground me.

A lot of places have slim pickings. Wandering the aisle of Waterstones I catch sight of a family friend. She was my dad’s uni friend’s daughter, a few years older than me but by the time I got to secondary she had dropped out after getting pregnant. I remember the buzz when everyone found out.

I avoid her and find an aisle to occupy myself.

Harry and I were always careful, mum had already given me the talk and he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t. I imagine Harry as a dad. He would make a good one I think.

As one thought leads to another I go cold as I realize something. My last period was during the holidays.

I feel like I’m walking in a swarm of locusts as I walk to the edge of the aisle, scanning for my sister. Maybe I can pop into a pharmacy before she’s done. Maybe…

This was crazy. It was probably just a missed period.

But if it isn’t, another voice asks. I felt it in my gut. I had to do this.

I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything about the rest of that day except two faint lines, and then two faint lines again, and a third time. I fall asleep before dinner that night and shut the world out.

***

“I know something’s wrong.” Harry’s walking me home after school. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’d been nothing but sweet. He bought me chocolates, flowers, and we planned to cook dinner together after school. I had bought him chocolates too, and had written him a heartfelt note with a bunch of photos of us weeks ago. The box was in my room, waiting for tonight. “Do you not like the flowers? Or is it dinner? We can go out somewhere instead?”

“No everything’s lovely.” I’d never heard Harry this desperate before. It gets under my skin even though part of me knows that’s not really it. But having him hover over me all week trying to figure out what was wrong was too much.

I’d spent every night this week with a hand over my belly. Thinking about it. I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I can think of was Jenny and I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a mother.

“Please. What’s the matter.” Harry asks again, tugging at my hands but I pull them away.

“I just need some space!” I shout and he flinches. “I’m sorry Harry. I just need space right now.”

“Right now like…” he scratches his head. “I don’t get you. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’ve been talking about this day for weeks what do you mean you want space?”

“I can’t do this right now. Please.”

“Are you-are we…”

“I’m not breaking up with you.” I look at Harry with tears in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry out here. But every time I look at him I remember the reality. What’s growing inside me. I can’t take it. “I just can’t do today.”

I go inside my house. Leave him without further explanation. I feel awful, I can’t hold the tears in long enough to get to my room.

***

“Hey love?” My mum and dad knock on my door at half past 5. I lay in the dark, having cried myself dry. “We’re worried about you. Can we talk.”

“I can’t.” I say, voice stuffy.

“I thought you and that boyfriend of yours had plans,” dad says. He liked Harry but he rarely called him by his name. “Did something happen?”

“No!” I wanted them to leave me alone. “I just. I had to cancel. I’m fine.”

“Don’t sound fine to me love,” I feel the mattress dip as mum sits down. Dad strokes my hair. They whisper something I can’t hear and a pair of footsteps pad out of my room.

“Mum just leave me alone.” I try again.

“I’m not.” She pushes me further into my bed and leans down, tugging my blanket down. When I finally look at her she smiles kindly and kisses my forehead. That fills me up enough to start wailing again. “Oh love, what’s wrong?”

“Everything!” I sob into my blanket. Mom lays down beside me and I let myself be cradled like a child. God, I had a child. This was so fucked.

“Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

I don’t know how my parents would react. They were never particularly strict, especially after what happened with Jenny I remember them always being sympathetic. We even visited her in hospital with a gift.

Mum strokes my hair and whispers that it’ll be okay. Slowly my sobbing eases into light sniffles. I had to tell her. She would know what to do. And if she hated me for it, I would just have to deal with it.

“Mum don’t be mad-“

“I won’t honey I-“

“No. Mum.” I cut her off. She moves back on the pillow so she can see my whole face, moving a strand of hair so I couldn’t hide. “Something…messed up. Happened. And…I was careful. We were always careful I don’t know what happened but I-“

I watch her face changed. Like she knew. She knew what was coming but she waits patiently as I muster up the courage to say the words that felt too real once I said them.

“Mum I’m…I’m pregnant.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip. What was she thinking? Was she crying for me or with me? Why wasn’t she saying anything!?

“Mum-“

“C’mere.” She wraps me in her embrace again and kisses the top of my head. My body feels drained and limp. I finally told somebody. It was real. This living thing inside of me was real.

“What happened?” She asks next. And I tell her what I think happened. When. How I found out. She listens, holding my hand in hers. When I’m done and it’s poured out of me she smiles supportively. “This isn’t a bad thing okay? It’s okay. Any decision you make is up to you. I’ll talk to your dad but just know you call the shots okay? I love you.”

This is what carries me. The love.

She asks me it I told Harry yet and I tell her the truth. She urges me to tell him. I tell her I wanted to so bad but I was scared.

She leaves shortly after that, I hear her talking softly outside my room. Nobody calls me for dinner until 7, a soft knock on my door. My sister would never be so soft, I assume it’s dad so I tell him to come in. I was scared to face him.

It’s Harry instead.

“Harry!” I cover my splotchy face with my blanket, why was he here? Did mum invite him? This was soo embarrassing.

My heart pounds and Harry is silent until he takes a seat where mum had previously been.

“I came over, your mum invited me. She explained.”

She did what? For a moment I feel betrayed.

“She said you weren’t doing so well. Stressed? I could make you some tea if you’d like. But I told you y/n, you’ll get into unis. You don’t have to worry so…”

I sigh. Mum had told him a half-truth. But he had come. Of course he had.

I couldn’t even think about uni right now because that lead me down a road of what if I couldn’t go because I had a baby. And that life felt so bleak it made me depressed.

“Harry.” I inch my blanket down a little and his eyes go round when he looks at me.

“You look…awful.”

“I know.” I cover my face with my hair but he brushes it away and kisses my forehead.

“No. I’m worried about you. I brought dinner-“

“Oh Harry.” I spot the bag he brought with him.

“I made it all for us. With my mum’s help but mostly me. I packed it to bring to you.”

I didn’t deserve him. And I had to tell him. And he was going to break up with me. What high school boy wanted a child?

“Harry it’s not uni.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was carrying another living thing. It was the size of a seed but I was carrying it inside me. Like a living breathing pot. I was a potted plant.

“Then what is it?” His brows crinkle. “Is it us?”

“No!” I rush to tell him. “I…I don’t know how to say this. And I don’t know how you’re going to react but it’s okay either way.”

“What are you talking about?” His hands slide up my lap. “What is it?”

“Harry. I’m um, I’m pregnant.”

I watch him freeze and stay exactly how he is, his brows pinch ever so slightly. I knew this look. He looked still on the outside but his mind was racing. And I was scared what was racing through it.

“Pregnant?”

“Yeah. From…the holidays.”

“How did-I thought we-“

“I guess it’s not foolproof.” I whisper. Mum had told me to go on the pill, and I hadn’t listened because all my friends told me it made them gain weight. If only I had listened. Now I was gaining weight anyway.

“What are we going to do?” He asks next. And I never realized six little words could weigh the world. If I could cut those words out and surgically implant them into my heart I would. Just to remind me the equal parts relieved and comforted they made me.

I hold his face in my hands, new tears springing to my eyes. He was in this. With me.

He kisses me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shirt again and he holds me so tight I swear I could break.

“I don’t know if I can keep it Harry,” I finally whisper to him.

His hands fist in my shirt, he holds his breath and after a long minute he lets me go with it.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Was he really okay with all this?

“It’s…I can’t make you keep it.”

“You’d want to keep it?” I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s…” he swallows his sentence and keeps his gaze on my stomach. I tug his hand and lay it over it. When his eyes meet mine I see a hint of heartbreak. We were going to break our hearts either way I think.

Not once did I think he might want to keep it.

“It’s okay.” Harry finally says. “We’re so young right? How would we keep a baby and go to school, and do everything we always talk about?”

“Yeah I don’t…I don’t know.”

“I love you.” He says with such a sudden passion. I wrap my arms around his and return the sentiment.

Eventually we lay down and just talk about everything. Truthfully, my head was telling me not to keep the baby but everything else felt dead thinking about it.

Maybe that’s why it took me until April to finally make a decision. It was the size of a plum by then, and a tiny bump was starting to show but only when I stood naked in front of the mirror. With clothes on, nobody was the wiser. But the longer I kept it, I think the more Harry fell in love with it. The idea of it.

We have a long talk during our Easter holiday. We talked in my bedroom until the sun comes up. I tell him I was sure of my decision.

I’d gotten accepted to Cambridge by then. Harry was staying in London. We knew it wasn’t feasible. To live the life we always wanted, we had to get rid of this new life we never knew could happen.

I don’t know why but I don’t tell him the day I go to do it. I go with my mum. Mum drops my sister off at school—she didn’t know. Mum said she had a big mouth.

We drive in silence. When we park mum asks how I feel.

“Sad.” It was the truth. I knew this was right. But it felt like shite.

“Yeah.” She rubs my hands. “Want to go in?”

“I just want to sit here for a bit.” I tell her.

“Okay. I’ll go sign you in.”

She takes my purse and hers and leaves me there. I take the moment to ground myself. Say goodbye to the other future.

When mum knocks on my window I jump.

“Yn? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah yeah I’m coming in.” I open the door.

“You know you’ve been sitting here half hour?”

I pause, one leg out the door and one still in. “I…I must have got lost in my head. Sorry mum-“

“Look. Do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know…I have to.”

“There are other options love-“

“But how can I give it up and live my whole life like that?”

“We can help raise her. You can go on and live your life-“

“I’d be a horrible mother.” Mum and I had this row so many times before. It always ended in me storming away but I couldn’t here.

“You don’t need to make the decision today.”

“But I do.” I tell her. “Otherwise it’ll drive me insane.”

I tuck both feet back into the car and rest my hand on my belly. I’d allowed myself to do that only in my room, when I was alone. Doing it out here made it feel even more real. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine going through with the decision.

“I can’t do this.” I tell my mum.

She smooths my hair down and kisses my temple. My door closes and a few seconds later she climbs in beside me.

“Think about it.”

“I can’t. But I can’t keep it either.”

“Okay.” Mum pulls me into her and I think I should cry but I can’t. I’m calm, maybe I know I’d made the right decision. Or just a decision. I was going to stick to this.

“I can’t raise it. I’m just a child I…maybe someone out there wants a baby and can’t have one maybe-“

“I’ll look into it for you.” Mum promises. “You set the rules remember?”

And that’s how it goes. Mum looks into it, we decide to go for adoption. We go to the hospital on the first warm day of the year. By then I’d taken to wearing jumpers over flowy dresses and been thankful for the first time in my life that I wasn’t skinny like other girls. At most angles you couldn’t tell my belly was so perfectly round.

By then too, Harry had accepted the decision. He seemed relieved. Thinking aloud he’d said maybe he could raise it, but quickly turned around when I asked him what he’d do about uni.

“Someone out there can take care of it better than us. Someone will love the baby like we do.”

During the summer, I tell all my friends I was staying with family in midlands. And I do go up there, that’s where the couple who was adopting lived. Harry and I meet them with my mum and his. It’s awkward, we run out of conversation fast. But their house is big and they already have a 2 year old from an adoption last year. My baby was going to be loved here. And have a sibling.

“We did want to discuss one last thing,” they’d said before we left. We all listen intently. “We…find it best when it’s a no contact adoption. We’ve had a lot of friends who keep contact open and it gets messy-“

“What?” I hadn’t really thought about this until now. Hearing I’d have to give the baby up and go on like it didn’t exist felt wrong. Harry’s hand slips into mine.

“This is typical,” Harry’s mum says from his side. “Let’s hear it out.”

“Right. So just to prevent future complications, we do no contact. Of course when baby’s older and wants to seek out the real parents we can’t stop them. But until then…”

“Thank you.” My mum steps in when it goes silent. I could hardly wrap my head around what they were saying. When it gets older?

Pretty soon mum is ushering me out and Harry’s hand is still clutching mine. We don’t let go until we reach my Uncle’s where we were staying until August. The baby was due in September. I was going to miss the first week of class.

“I can’t do this.” I tell them later. “How can we just have no contact.”

“I thought you knew.” Mum says. “I explained that some parents want this when they adopt.”

She might have. Ever since I hit the third trimester like my doctor said, I’ve had a hard time listening and understanding what someone was saying after they spoke too long. I was glad school was done—for obvious reasons, but also for not having to sit in a class and learn.

“We have no other choice.” Harry says from beside me. He rubs my back and slowly, I zone back into the conversation. “We can find another family but they might want the same thing.”

“What if the baby never looks for us?” I turn to him, our heads press against the other’s. “What if we go our whole lives just wondering?”

“What’s the other option?” Harry whispers. He was right. I just didn’t want to get it.

Acceptance slowly creeps into me over the course of the summer. It was always hot carrying another person around, I was always hungry and thirsty, and very cranky. Harry came up to see me every other weekend when he could, mum stayed with me and that summer was one I could never forget.

It was September 1st, a particularly hot day. Rain fell in the afternoon and by the time the unforgiving sun set, the cool air was heavenly.

I sat by the bedroom window, moisturizing my belly like mum had shown me, talking to the baby. I wrote it a letter last week all about me, that I loved them and hoped the best for them. I told the baby about my family, how Harry and I met, and then I sealed it in an envelope with a picture of Harry and me. It was taken last Halloween when we’d both dressed up as each other. I tell mum to give it to the new parents. In case the day came the baby wondered about who we were.

As I spoke softly, I felt a gush of something wet down my leg.

“What?” I stand up, confused. “I…”

It takes me a second. I was going into labour.

“Mum!” I shout. “Mum! Come here!”

She rushes in and confirms it. It was happening.

“But it’s supposed to be next week!” I try not to panic but that’s all I can do as mum grabs our things and my aunt rushes to the car. “Does this mean something’s wrong? Is the baby o-“

I freeze as a contraction forces me to fold. I’d felt the kicking and the nausea and everything in between but these. These were a bitch.

Somehow we make it to hospital. Somehow I lay on a bed and push when the doctor tells me to. I nearly pass out. I just wanted Harry here with me. He didn’t know his kid was being born.

With a final push that felt like I was ascending my body and leaving it behind, I hear a wail and I cry. The baby was out, they cried and everything was okay.

“Okay congratulations mummy,” a nurse crouches down to me. “We’re going to clean you and baby up. She’s healthy and looks okay.”

“What?” I can barely see with my hair in my face and the nurses around me. It was a she? I had a baby girl?

We were never told the gender, so we wouldn’t get attached. But I had a baby girl. The nurse just called me mum.

I feel the tears on my cheeks, I was crying too. I try to look around me but a new nurse is talking in hushed voices to the doctor.

“…outside…call…adoption…shouldn’t or….contact-“

“What’s going on?” I can barely get the words out. “What?”

“Oh my love,” suddenly mum’s in the room and things are a bit better. A bit better.

“Mum what’s going on?”

“The baby’s born. The parents are outside they’re going to meet her soon.”

“What?” I look at mum’s face and it’s shining with tears. Why was she crying?

“Oh she’s beautiful love, she’s perfect. But your job’s done now. You should rest.”

“Mum,” I cry. “Where is she? Can’t I hold her?”

“No love,” mum moves my hair out of my face. I feel something break in half inside of me. I couldn’t even hold the baby? The baby girl? Mine and Harry’s baby girl?

“Why? Mum why? I just want to see her-“

“I’m sorry,” mum says through tears. “It’s just the way it is. She’s going to a loving home okay? She’s good. You’re okay.”

I can’t stop crying. I was going to lose her last April and I stopped that but I lost her anyway. My baby, I was never going to see her.

I remember when my sister was born. I was 5 and I was angry she’d taken the attention away. But when I saw her with her perfect toes and angel face I was obsessed with her. I even remember her first steps, she’d taken them at a park with mum and dad and me together. I was never going to know these things about my own baby. I was never going to know her.

I must pass out soon after. I remember waking up to the nurses instructing me about something. I’m half asleep and barely remember what I did when I get up. When I do wake it’s morning and there’s a figure on the chair beside me.

“You’re up.”

Harry. Relief washes over me knowing he’s here.

“Harry they took her,” I tell him.

“I know. I know yn.”

I move aside and he crawls into bed with me. I must look disgusting but he watches me with love brimming in his eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.

“I feel empty,” I whisper. Like someone had carved me out like a pumpkin. Something I’d had with me all year was gone. “How can I just move on? Start uni and all that when I…they just took her.”

“I keep thinking that.” Harry says. “Khalil invited me to a party to meet some blokes from uni and I just sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t even go in. She…she was never going to be ours.”

“I feel awful.” I burrow into his neck as he strokes my hair. “A baby girl.”

“A baby girl,” Harry echoes.

***

I head to uni a week later. My body still feels like it fought a war and lost. It’s like it still thinks there’s a baby there. I produce milk for a few days, continue to have contractions, my belly is saggier than usual and I can’t stop crying about everything.

My dad drops me off to uni. He tells me he was proud of me, that I was always his baby girl. I cry then just like I cried at home when I said bye to mum, or when my sister hugged me which she never does. I can’t stop crying.

When I move into my dorm I feel like a completely different person than I thought I was going to be. My dormmate fills me in on everything she’s learned, complains about a boy and a party and it just feels so irrelevant to me. Did I used to care about those things? I had a baby. And now I didn’t.

By October, Harry and I are in different worlds. We hadn’t broken up but we talk weekly. Each week there’s less to talk about. When I visit home in October, being around him just makes me sad. He tries to cheer me up, make it like old times, but I know he’s hurting inside too.

I decide to do the breaking up. And at first he’s angry, insisting we could make it work. He actually refuses and walks away. We don’t talk for a whole day.

But at a house party in South where his uni mates were from, he accepts the end.

Through tears we kiss each other one final time, we whisper sweet nothings, we pour into each other all the hopes and wishes we had for each other.

When he hugs me for the last time I leave something behind. It’s similar to waking up the morning after my delivery and knowing something was gone. I really feel the shape of the loss. It sits in my sternum, a hole that grows smaller with time, but not just yet.

I fall into a depressed state for most of my first semester but my dormmate doesn’t give up on me and eventually I go to my first uni party. Eventually my brain fog clears and I actually go to all my classes. Eventually my life, on the outside, looks like it could be back to normal but inside I ache with the loss. So much that it becomes part of me. I don’t know where it ends, and I begin. It lives in me.

Age 23.

“The first of many hey?” Mal clinks his bottle to mine. I barely knew Mal but we were both friends with Khalil and therefore both at his stag.

“Before you know it we’re all going down,” one of Khalil’s friends joins in. “Stag after stag, suit after suit, it’s gonna be a blur man.”

“Let’s enjoy it while we can!” Someone cheers and everyone raises their beers. I toast with a smile; blokes loved to act like being in a relationship was the last thing they wanted when I knew most of them were mush in their girlfriend’s hands.

I also smile knowing I bought an engagement ring a few weeks back. I wanted to propose to Shannon, we met on her 22 when a friend invited me along. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the birthday girl. We’d been together since.

“Who do you think’s next?” The bets start going and nobody bets on me. Everyone always thought Shan was too good for me, they were counting on us breaking up. I was going to prove them all wrong.

The night gets sloppier until we all head back to the air bnb we’d rented for this. Tomorrow we were all supposed to go play golf like we were cosplaying old money bastards when we all knew we were just broke blokes from East. But I guaranteed they’d all be too hungover. We would get to the club and just drink the hangovers away.

And I’m right. I update Shan that I’m right when the boys stay in the dining area of the club. They decide on lunch and I step out to talk to my girlfriend.

“No birds allowed this weekend,” someone pipes in when I excuse myself.

“That’s just cuz you’re miserable Eli.” I brush past as the boys laugh. At me. And him.

I catch up with Shan. It was a bright day for September and I stay a little longer after the phone ends. Shan was in med school, she was always stressed or sleep deprived. I tried to support her the best I could—right now she needed moral support that she was going to get an internship she was applying for.

“Mummy doesn’t like when I have sweets,” a small voice says to my left. I look at a father with his daughter. He’s crouched down zipping her sweater up while she rambles on.

“Well it’s going to be our secret.” The dad says. “Sundays are for sweets aren’t they?”

“I love sweets.” She responds.

The father catches my eye and I shoot him a smile.

“Her mum’s going to hear every detail when we get home,” he says as he stands. “Can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

I laugh. The way she was rambling on, I didn’t think so. “How old’s she?”

“6.” He says, smiling down at her fondly. My heart aches.

“Almost 7.” She corrects her dad.

“Birthday’s in the spring.” He says more to me. “But almost 7 sure.”

I see them leave with one more shared smile, like we’re in on something. I imagine that’s how it would feel to be a parent. Always knowing something your kid doesn’t.

My daughter was 6. Wherever she was.

Thinking about the daughter I never had, the girl I lost always leaves me a little winded. Today’s no different.

Yn and I both made an agreement and it had been the hardest thing I’d done. Letting her go. It took me a proper year to even think about moving on.

I liked to think about yn, doing everything she wanted to do. But when I thought about the baby I spiralled into a dark pit. Sometimes when I drank too much, it pulled me in too deep to get out of. That’s what Shan liked to call my depressive drinking. She’s limited me to 3 drinks since.

Before I go in I take a minute to think about yn, where she might be. I hear from friends in high school random facts about her life. But I wonder how she’s doing. If she thinks about our baby like I do. How life would have been if I’d been here, calling her on the phone instead, asking if our baby girl was doing alright.

Age 29.

I stare at the nape of the man in front of me. It couldn’t be, but I’d memorized the back of his head—amongst other things, nearly 2 decades ago and I would bet £1000 I knew who this was. But I continue staring until the cashier rings him up.

In the same voice I remember, the one from my memories and my fantasies, I hear him say: “debit.”

I wait for him to pay before saying, “Harry?”

He turns so quickly he drops his card, wallet, and keys.

“Hi!” I laugh awkwardly and crouch down to help him pick his things up. There’s an awareness that the people in the queue behind me are witness to a moment that feels more intimate than a grocery store chat and it makes me shrink a little in my shell like a spooked turtle.

“Hi I-uh,” Harry short-circuits in front of me as the bored cashier holds his receipt out and stares at him with eyes that have worked one shift too many.

“I’ll just bag-“

“Yeah we can talk later.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile but it feels watery. I couldn’t believe of all the places I’d run into him, it was a grocery queue. How intense in such a mundane place.

As I watch my total rise on screen I risk a glance at Harry. His hand hovers over a white reusable bag, I wonder if that was his. Or his wife’s. If they did their weekly shop in a mismatch of bags that looked like that or they were the type of couple to have a set.

His eyes are on me though, somehow here and not here. I feel the same way.

I look back to the cashier asking me how I was paying. She glances between Harry and I. I don’t look back at him. Or the growing queue a few feet away.

I take my groceries—just some items my mum asked me to pick up, and stuff them into the tote I’m wearing. Harry waits for me by the exit.

“Hi.” He says as his eyes scan my face. I do the same, taking in all the ways time had spent with him. It must have been good—he looked good. “I can’t believe-“

“A Whole Foods of all places.” I laugh. A grin splits his face but his eyes stay on me.

“That smile, that laugh. God I’ve missed you.”

“I…missed you too.” How I could miss someone I’d known for one year and then never again for nearly two decades…I didn’t realize it was possible until now.

“Are you busy?” He asks. “Maybe we can grab a drink or?”

“I don’t…drink.” I hated that I had to announce it to people. I was still at the stage where I was figuring out how to say it confidently, or find a way around saying it.

“Oh.” Harry glances down at my belly and I realize he’d misunderstood but it’s too unspoken to correct him. “Cafe?”

“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Honestly going anywhere with him sounded lovely right now. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and just sit with him. Stare at him and catch up. I couldn’t believe he was here.

We walk in a comfortable but waiting silence, like taking a cold drink out to a park with the anticipation it’s going to be good , and no desperation to open it as soon as you get it.

“Usual? Tea?” Harry asks when we step into a nearby cafe. It’s big for a cafe but has enough students working on laptops to not feel empty. I nod, unsure how to feel that Harry still knows what I order at a cafe. Or that my order hasn’t changed since 17.

I find us a booth and pretty soon he’s sliding into the seat across from me. The two of us can’t stop smiling.

“Hi,” he says again.

“Hi…”

“You look good, the same but better.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” I exclaim. More smiling.

“How’s…I mean, how are you? How is everything? What-“

“There’s so much to ask-“

“I don’t even know how to ask what I want to know!” Harry laughs and I’m warmed from the inside out at the sound of it.

“This shouldn’t be hard!”

“No.” He scrubs his face. “I’m really buzzing that we’ve run into each other.”

“Me too. It’s a bit unbelievable.”

“I know.” He continues gripping his cup and not taking his eyes off of me. It’s the exact way he used to look at me when we were teenagers. It nearly takes my breath away. “You look good—but I already said that. Sorry.”

“No,” I laugh. “That’s all that’s running through my head.”

“Oh—I remember hearing you were engaged a few years ago-“

“Yeah.” I turn my hand so he can see the ring. “Married now. You?”

“Yeah,” he looks down at his own hand. He had so many rings on I couldn’t tell from a glance. “Coming up to 5 years now.”

“Wow. It’s only 1.5 for me but Tatum and I—my husband, we’d been since uni.”

“Took him a while.”

“Mhm,” it had been a sore subject way back then. Harry says it casually but he studies my face. I know he wants to ask more but he’ll politely maneuver around it.

“Are you happy?”

I let out a breath. “That’s more complicated than anything else you could ask!”

“Is it?”

“Yeah I-“ I shrug. “I don’t know if I am. But I also have no idea what I could do about it. So. There’s that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” My stomach curdles with his words. I didn’t want pity, least of all from Harry. Harry. I can’t believe he was here. “I get it though. Everyone says your 30s are even more glorious than your 20s. We’ll see soon enough if they’re right.”

I meet his eye, they always intimidated me to look too long into. Even now, I glance back down at my drink. When I look up again he has a wry smile twisting his lips. He knew.

I was sorry to hear life hadn’t been as good for him. And then I understand, it wasn’t pity he was giving me. He truly was sorry like I.

I thought about Harry often. Of course I did. I liked to imagine him living out his dreams like he always talked about. I liked to imagine him happy and thriving.

“Do you ever think about us?” I have to ask. “If we did it all differently?”

“We would have had a 12 year old with us.”

Hearing him say it feels like someone had taken a screwdriver and opened me up. Raw and exposed. But looking at him I know he thought about her as much as I had. Both of us were apparently mourning a future neither of us had fought for.

“Yeah,” I breathe but I just sound winded.

“We were trying, at one point—Shan and I.” Harry fiddles with his ring. “Did all the tests and the trials and the shite. But no kids. It put a real strain on my relationship. I think we cracked instead of bending. And I don’t think either of us know how to make it right again.”

I grasp his hand and squeeze. “I know what that’s like. It’s hard. I…a couple years ago. I lost a baby. A baby boy. I felt like it was a punishment for-“

“Don’t.”

We hold onto each other, our drinks long forgotten. He holds my hand and it feels like being known again, like I wasn’t such an awful person. That someone could see everything I’ve done and still choose to have love for me.

“I’m sorry.” He tells me.

“Me too.” I bite my lip. With a sigh I let him go and lean back. Here we’d been so excited to bump into each other but we’d both been carrying sorrow and grief. It wasn’t very hopeful.

“So I guess you’re not drinking because you’re-“

“No.” I say, surprisingly without feeling awkward. “I’m just sober right now. Trying to figure out life without a drink.”

“Sounds like torture but I respect that. Sounds hard.”

“It was at first. I like the feeling now of thinking clearly. But I miss a glass of wine I do sometimes.”

We smile at each other.

“So do you live around here?” Harry broaches talking again after both of us had lapsed into silence for a while. I blink away the fog of the past.

“Yeah. You?”

“Nah. Shan’s out of town and I was feeling lonely. Came over to visit my sister. I’m just staying with her for the week.”

“Lucky me then.” I smile.

“Lucky me too.” He smiles back. It’s soft. We’re soft. It felt impossible to me after all this time the tenderness was still the strongest thing between us.

We chat a bit more, much about nothing. What we did for a job, anyone we still kept in touch with from school. Nothing that meant a lot.

“I need to head off now,” I say when my phone buzzes for a second time. “I was on my way to my mum’s. She keeps calling me.”

“Yeah. Don’t want to keep you.” Harry says but he stays seated. So do I.

We continue just studying the other until my phone rings again and I laugh. “It was…I really loved seeing you.”

I slide out and Harry mirrors me. I still come to his chest, he still smells the same and stands the same and looks just as handsome.

“How about uhm, how about dinner some time?” Harry asks. I knew it was coming, it’s still painful saying no.

“I…can’t. I…we can’t just do dinner, can we?”

“No,” Harry bows his head. We had too much history to just do dinner. From what he said—and I knew, both our lives were too complicated to add the allure of each other into the mix. I couldn’t do that to my life as tempted as I was. Especially not sober.

“Yeah.” He stands straight again and gives me space to head to the door. “Good seeing you. Give your mum my best if she doesn’t hate me.”

“She doesn’t.” I assure him. We stand awkwardly not sure if a kiss, a hug, or a wave was appropriate. We settle for a hug.

I remember the last time I was enveloped in his arms, tucked away into his tall frame. When we said goodbye forever, agreed to live our best lives separately. We’d both been too scarred to be anything together. Too much grief.

“Maybe we’ll run into each other again.” Harry smiles at me when we part.

“Maybe,” I say knowing full well I wouldn’t do groceries on the weekend anymore.

With a final wave we both part ways again, this time it doesn’t feel as much like closure.

Age 35.

“Graduation’s graduating, what a mouthful.” I say to Andie. We sit in the parking lot of a local pub back home. Both of us had avoided reunions after going to the first one 10 years ago and being reminded of how much people liked to remind you of who you used to be. But this year Andie found out an old flame was going and single. And this is the first year I saw that Harry had checked off going. So we’d decided to go together.

I could have easily reached out to him. Asked him about meeting up there. But I didn’t want to come across any way. I remember our run-in 6 years ago. We felt the same way—we would do anything for each other, and I didn’t want any affect over him coming. Last I heard he was still in a relationship. Just cuz I was didn’t mean I had to ruin another.

“Okay. We going in?” Andie passes me her flask.

I’d taken to drinking again. Originally I stopped after a particularly bad night when I was 28. It nearly cost me my wedding back then.

I stopped to get sober. To feel what it felt like not to rely on alcohol to keep from feeling my emotions. I had a lot of grief I never processed. And unfortunately being sober, and processing the grief and depression, had ultimately cost me my marriage. But I was better for it. I knew what unconditional love and support was. I didn’t want to settle for someone who only loved me at my best.

Now I felt in control when I drank. I knew when to stop.

“Let’s go!”

“Do you think he’ll remember me?” Andie asks as we walk up to the place.

“You comment on so many of his posts. I think he does.” I tease.

“Gah. It would have saved me so much heartbreak if I just told him back 18 years ago how I felt.”

“Maybe,” I think about my confessed love 18 years ago and the heartbreak that ensued.

“Well at least I would have gotten him outta my system. Oh god I see him-“

“Hi ladies,” we’re stopped near the front and given name tags, making small talk with the girls working the booth. I vaguely remember them from a club but I have to read their name tags to pretend I remembered them at all.

Andie ditches me pretty quickly but I don’t mind. I find some friends I saw a couple times a year. Guess this was the couple time this year.

The whole time my eyes scan the room. People had brought their partners and I wondered if Harry would do the same. Deep down, I prayed he didn’t. I just wanted to see him.

I spot him halfway through the night. He’s leaning against the bar talking to Khalil. I remembered they used to be friends, he was always nice to me while Harry and I dated.

I watch him talk and drink. I lose him for a bit and then catch him leaving. Shite.

I excuse myself and rush out but nearly trip over myself slowing down. He was just outside for a smoke break.

“When did that habit start?” I ask. He nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Fu-y/n you scared me.” He shakes his face dramatically, like he’s getting something off of it. I bite back a smile, he was pretty drunk. “When did you get here? I didn’t know you came to these things?”

“I don’t.” I correct him. I couldn’t tell him I came for him. “It was just the name of this reunion, Graduation’s graduating. How could I pass it up?”

This earns a laugh. Eases the air between us. “Did you see Oli in there? He’s gotten bald.”

“He looks like his dad actually,” I remember his dad was always coming to Oli’s football matches, screaming at his son to run faster.

“Glad you didn’t end up with him?” Harry smirks.

“Oh yeah. I heard last reunion he just kept going up for the karaoke sober. If I want my bloke to embarrass me, at least give him the excuse of being drunk.”

“Shit,” Harry laughs. “I remember that! I remember! Wish I could forget!”

I laugh with him. “Harry you’re getting pretty close to drunk yourself.”

“Ah yeah. More than 3 drinks that, I’m being naughty tonight.”

I scrunch my nose, no idea what he’s talking about.

“I can’t believe you’re here tonight,” Harry says again. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another 12 years after our last time.”

“Thought I’d halve the time.” I watch Harry squash out the butt.

“Glad you did.” He looks at me and I’m 17 again. Why couldn’t we both be single? Why did I come here knowing I couldn’t have him.

Maybe I was as masochistic as the person who invented maths.

“Yn?” A voice calls out to me. “Oi! It is you I thought I was dreaming you up! What a sight!”

I’d been avoiding Oli all night. Not anymore.

I glance at Harry and he hides a smirk. Oli notices Harry then and his face hardens a little.

“Oli! Long time!” I go in for the hug he’s reaching for, unsure why he was so sweaty on an autumn night. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he grins at me. “You look good! Not a day over 25.”

“Don’t flatter me Oli,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not going to get you anything.”

“I’m not looking! I swear it!” He says earnestly. “I’m just paying you a compliment. It’s good to see you. Hey, I’m actually in a good relationship. Gonna propose to her.”

“Are you? What’s she like?”

I stand in the brisk evening as Oli tells me about his girlfriend. I’m happy for him, what we had in high school wasn’t really a relationship but I never wished him bad. He was a good guy, I was glad he found his person.

I change the subject when he asks about my love life, tell him I was getting cold. We head back in and I tell him I’d catch up to him later. I’d lost Harry and wanted to find him again. I had more I wanted to talk about.

“Khalil,” I interrupt him playing pool. He goes in for a hug and I engage in polite small talk until I tire of it. “I’m looking for Harry.”

“Of course you are,” he wags a finger at me. “I saw him leaving ten minutes ago?”

“Jeez really?” I couldn’t believe I missed him! After coming here just for him. Maybe he had to get home, maybe he had a kid by now. Had to tuck him in.

“He’s not doing so well since the divorce-“

“What?” I stare at Khalil like he’s spoken gibberish. Why hadn’t I heard about that?

“Ehm yeah. He’s pretty private about it.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah. He’s been separated a few years now but he just signed the papers a couple weeks ago. I dunno. He gets kinda depressed around this time of year. Probably the weather.”

It was September. It wasn’t the weather.

I had to find him.

I brush past the people I went to school with. I followed Harry outside to a roof 17 years ago and today I follow him out to find him again. We needed to talk.

I look both ways, hoping for a miracle.

I spot a figure slumped on the far end of the road. I recognize the church, it was where we went every Easter and Christmas growing up.

I walk towards the figure until I can make out the hair. It was Harry. Thank god.

“Why’d you leave?” I ask him when he looks up to my approaching footsteps.

“I drank too much,” he hangs his head again. I sit beside him.

“I heard about the divorce. I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugs. “We separated a while ago. It was coming for a long time.”

“Yeah. Still.” I say.

We sit in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the faint noises from the pub down the road.

“She’s in her last year by now.” I say without further explanation. I know he’d know.

“Our baby’s 17.”

Our baby? I feel choked up. All these years we’d been apart, built our own lives, and there was still an our even when there hadn’t been.

“It’s always been us hasn’t it?” Harry says. “Nobody understands.”

“They couldn’t. We were so young, making such a big decision.”

“Oh y/n.” He leans into me and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He’s cold, his jacket pooled on the steps around him. I gather it to spread over his shoulder but he stops me. “How much heartbreak can you have in one lifetime?”

I sit, aching for the pain Harry was going through. Knowing it was mirrored in me.

“I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I know that.”

“Me too.” Harry sighs. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.” I intertwine our hands. They still fit the exact same, all these years later. I examine them, but they looked the same too. I wonder if our baby girl ever looked at her hands, wondered who she inherited them from.

“D’you think she thinks about us?” Harry asks what I’m thinking.

“Maybe.” I say. “I like to think so. I just hope she doesn’t hate us for giving her up.”

“Yeah me too I think…” he hangs his head. I hear him sniffle. Seems like Harry hit the point of drinking where all you could feel is regret. I remember those days. I knew where he was.

When he doesn’t finish his sentence I fill the silence; “Me and Tatum split uh…four years ago now.” I update him. “You probably heard something about it. I remember my mum saying she ran into yours when it was happening. They probably talked all about it.”

I wait for Harry to give confirmation but he stays the way he is.

“I went sober a few years before then. Almost ruined our wedding cuz I was exactly where you were. Unprocessed grief and all I could do was drink about it. I’d given up a baby at 18, then lost a baby a decade later. It feels silly to say out loud, that something that never really came into this world—something the size of a fruit could act like the rock you push up the hill every morning. The grief you fight at your darkest times. How could we be haunted by something that didn’t even exist—not technically. But that’s just the way it was. And that’s the way it had to be when we were 18. I’m not always sure I made the right decision overall but I know it was a decision we had to make at the time. I’ve had to find my peace. So do you Harry.”

“Yeah. I-I have to. Y’know? Sometimes I wonder if I would have made her proud.” Harry sniffles. I had similar thoughts. My throat feels tight remembering. “I don’t think, right now, I would be.”

“She’s so loved. She is so loved Harry. Whatever…wherever she is.”

“I love you.” Harry turns to me. His face is raw with grief and emotion. “Never stopped loving you. But I don’t want to give you this version of me.”

“I’ll take any version of you Harry.” I reassure him. “I think we’ve seen too much of each other to be able to hide anything away.”

He tips forward slowly until his head rests on my chest. I hold him there, just like he’d done for me so many years ago. I tell him the type of thing that meant everything to me back then and I hope it helps him to hear it: “We’ll get through this Harry.”

***

“I don’t remember getting here.”

I look up from my book, Harry stands in my kitchen with a confused look on his face. It was weird seeing him here in my flat. But it was so right too.

“We walked home. I thought you sobered up.”

“Nuh-uh.” He takes a few steps towards me, hesitant.

“Coffee?”

“Maybe I’ll take a shower first?”

“First door on your right. Extra towels in the cupboard.”

“Thanks.”

We look at one another for a beat before he moves back. I make another pot of coffee and clean up from breakfast while he showers.

Next time he walks back in he looks a lot better. Smells nice too.

“Black please.” He says when I hold the coffee up.

I pour him a cup and watch him sip it.

“Thank you for last night.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell him.

“I remember what you said to me. You’re right of course. I think I knew it, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. Nobody knew about us…”

“You didn’t have to keep it a secret ‘til this day Harry.” I was surprised he had. “You didn’t even tell any of your friends?”

“The only people who knew were my family, a-and Shan. But. Year after year it didn’t mean the same thing to her. I stopped talking to her about it pretty quickly. Think it made it worse because her and I couldn’t actually…”

“Yeah.” I understood.

“But I realized. I think it was losing both of you. I feel like you were taken away too. We just went from being around each other all the time to cold turkey. That was a loss too so…”

“Yeah.” Again, I understood.

“I’m 35. I’ve gotta…get my head on straight.”

I examine him. “Looks okay to me?”

He smiles and puts his cup down.

“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”

“Meh that was years ago. Hard then. Fine now. For the best.”

“I agree,” Harry moves around the table to stand where I am. My heart pulses just like it always does around him. He rests a hand on my hip, dragging it up to wrap around my waist. He must feel how hard my heart’s beating. “Did I tell you? That I love you?”

“Maybe?” I feel myself growing more present. The hole that always lived inside of me growing even smaller in this moment. It allows me to settle on the floor better; less air, more weight.

“Well I do. I love you. At 17, or at 35.” He says this with a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“Well. I love you.” I return the kiss, relish in the way his hand grips my tank. “At 17, or 35.”

“Sometimes I wish I held on tighter at 17. But I look at you now and I’m excited to get to know you again.”

His words pour over me like honey. It was sweet we were still on the same page.

“I’m not letting you go this time.” Harry whispers in my ear. He pulls me in tight, swaying from side to side. “I want to spend 41 and 50 with you. I want all of you, every side.”

“Perfect,” I peer up at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.”

“And maybe one day,” he continues in a hush voice. “We’ll get a call from a young girl. She’ll tell us all about her life in a town up north. About a picture she has of her mother dressed like her father and her father dressed like her mother.”

“She’ll tell us she’s had a good life, and she’s thought about the people in the picture. She’d tell us she wants to meet them.”

“We would be able to show her the love we kept for her. Our love’s like a venn diagram, the bit in the middle is just for her. She’d know why she was born in the first place.”

“Closure,” I whisper to him. “We would know closure.”

I remember the day she was taken, how the loss of not even being able to see her felt bigger than the loss of her itself back then.

I think of a 17 year old girl, with green eyes and brown hair. With my smile and Harry’s dimples. My hands, and Harry’s height. She was loved by people, families, that she didn’t even know existed yet.

They say if you love something, let it go. If it’s meant to be it’ll come back.

As Harry and I stay intertwined in the kitchen of my flat, I send out a wish into the universe for her like I did most days. That she was healthy, happy, and one day curious enough to seek us out. That one day, she would come back.

Right now I focus on the man in my arms. The one I never thought I’d get to hold again. For now this was all I needed. I’d loved him, let him go, and after so many years apart, we were back.

[joekeeryswife]

Outbreak Day - J.M

a/n: hello angels! reader is 26 and pregnant and Joel is 36. there is a little twist 😵 best way to describe this imagine is that it’s sad, long and has a shitty ending lmfao. okay anyways, enjoy reading 🫶 please send me in some fluffy requests and some dad! joel requests too!!

big trigger warning this imagine is very gory and descriptive!

“Sarah honey, is that you?” you turned to look at the front door and saw your step daughter Sarah coming home from school. “hey mum” she said as she set her backpack down on the floor. “how was school?” you walked toward her and gave her a small hug and a kiss on her forehead.

“was good. got dads watch fixed but everyone acting weird, cops everywhere, shops closing early. i don’t know just weird” she said making your heart pound a little, you didn’t know why but hearing her say that scared you but you tried not to dwell on it too much. “yeah well it’s probably just people being stupid. we shouldn’t worry too much okay?” she nodded but then groaned making you frown.

“dad told the Adlers i’d go over there to help them make cookies” she sighed, it wasn’t that she didn’t like the Adlers it was just she wanted to spend time with you and her dad as it was his birthday. “look, go there for thirty minutes then say i need you home, i don’t mind you blaming me.” she smiled and thanked you.

“i was going to make your dad a cake but we don’t have the ingredients and i was too tired to go food shopping so he should be brining one home, he’s going to be home earlier today as well” her eyes lit up as you spoke “is it a chocolate cake?” she asked watching you nod. “i didn’t tell him it was because you have been craving one i told him it was because i was” Joel hated chocolate cake but for his girls he’d do anything to please them.

“thank you mum, you’re the best. i owe you one” she said as she turned to go out the front door again to the Adlers house. “no worries honey, if Mrs Adler bakes chocolate chip cookies please bring me one, the baby is craving them like mad” you said as you rubbed your growing stomach. she nodded and said her goodbyes before leaving to spend the worst 30 minutes of her life with the Adlers.

-♡-

“hey baby girl. how was school?” Joel asked as he finally got home, four hours later than expected. “you’re late” she said, completely ignoring his question as her eyes shifted from the TV to him. you had both been waiting for him on the sofa watching Harry Potter and you had fallen asleep not even halfway through the movie. being pregnant had made you extremely tired so it wasn’t a shock to Sarah when she saw you put a blanket over yourself and curl up into a ball on the sofa within the first 10 minutes of the movie playing.

“i know, im sorry. work has been crazy, guys calling in sick, it was just me, uncle Tommy and Dave in today. i meant to phone mum but my phone died” he said as he made his way over to the two of you. his heart melted when he saw you sleeping next to Sarah, you’d never looked cuter. “its fine, we had fun without you anyways” he lifted up your feet so he could sit between you both, careful to not wake you up in the process.

“did you at least get the cake?” she said shyly as Joel got comfortable on the sofa. “oh shit” he put his head in his hands “im sorry honey i completely forgot” she nodded, understanding that he obviously came straight home as soon as he finished work. “mum is probably gonna kill you. she wanted cookies earlier from the Adlers but they were making raisin instead of chocolate chip so i didn’t even bother asking if i could bring one home for her” Sarah said and Joel wrapped his arm around her shoulders, his other resting on your legs.

“i’ll get you guys a cake tomorrow, i promise it just completely slipped my mind” she shook her head, indicating that it was fine and she understood he was stressed. Joel felt you stir and you woke up, your hair all over the place and your bones cracking as you stretched from a very good nap. “hi baby” Joel said softly as you looked at him.

he unwrapped his arms from Sarah’s shoulders for a moment so he could give you a hug and a kiss. “i miss you so much” you said as you sat up so you could rest on him instead of the arm of the sofa. “i missed you too. how are you? how’s the baby?” you nodded, still half asleep.

“fine, kicking like crazy” you were only six months pregnant and your unborn daughter was already giving you a hard time. you rested your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around both you and Sarah, pulling you both into him. “did you bring home the cake?” you asked making him sigh “no, i’m sorry baby, i forgot” you shrugged, eyes closing again as you tried to fight sleep but it was no use.

“i love mum so much but she could have slept through world war 2 and not have been disturbed at all” she said making Joel laugh quietly, trying not to wake you up. to be fair, carrying this baby had knackered you out and he understood that you needed sleep but sometimes you would be halfway through a conversation with him when he got home from work and you’d be falling asleep whilst you were taking. “to be fair, you aren’t wrong there” he ran a hand through your hair gently as he admired you, you were stunning and he loved you so much.

“anyway, let’s try spend some time together tonight, let’s put on a good film, this is shit” Joel said making Sarah scoff and look at him “that is a lie. Harry Potter is the best” he shook his head. “take it back or you work get your present” she said making him gasp. “you wouldn’t dare do that” he said to her, making her give him the ‘try me’ face which made him quickly change his comment and apologise to her.

she grabbed the box off of the coffee table and handed it to him. he unwrapped his arm from her yet again to try open it with one hand without waking you up. he opened the box and saw his now fixed watched that had been broken for three months. “aww baby that’s so sweet, thank you” he kissed her forehead and tried to put the watch on but failed miserably making Sarah help him put it on. “okay now we can watch your stupid old film dad but don’t expect me to stay awake” she said as they both got comfortable again “i wouldn’t dream of it” he smiled at her.

-♡-

green and blue flashing light woke Sarah up from her sleep. she looked around the room confused, she had somehow ended up in her bedroom and didn’t hear any noise in the house. she sat up as she heard helicopters fly over the house and car alarms go off. she quickly got up calling out for Joel as she walked around the house but she only found you in bed asleep, no sign of Joel.

she felt awful waking you up but she had no other choice. she crept to the side of your bed and shook you awake. “mum, can you wake up please?” you jumped awake when you felt her hand on your shoulder. “what’s the matter sweetheart?” you asked but your question was answered when another helicopter flew over the house. “what the hell?” you said sitting up quickly.

you grabbed your phone which was on the bedside table but there was no service. “what’s happening?” Sarah asked as you quickly got dressed out of your pyjamas. you were going to go outside and you didn’t want your neighbours, if they were awake, to see you in your pyjamas so you put on a tracksuit before walking downstairs. “i don’t know baby”

you turned on the tv and heard the broadcast ‘stay home, do not let anyone into your house. we will post more instructions soon’ you frowned, what the fuck was happening? you checked your phone again, this time trying to phone anyone, your mum, your dad, your brother, Joel and nothing. no calls were going through.

the two of you jumped at the sound of Mercy, the Adlers dog barking at your front door. Sarah quickly put on her shoes and went outside to retrieve the dog and you quickly followed, slipping on your trainers. “Sarah i don’t think we should go outside yet. we should wait for your dad” but she ignored you. she walked outside, bringing Mercy with her to take him back home making you follow after her as quick as you could.

“Sarah please come back inside” you said but the curious girl went inside the Adlers house after she heard a glass breaking. “no Sarah don’t go in there” you sighed, you loved that girl but she did not listen. Sarah was quiet walking into that house, making sure to not make any sudden movements as she did. the noise was coming from the kitchen and she quickly made her way there and almost screamed at the sight infront of her.

you were right behind her, you felt sick to your stomach as you saw Mrs Adlers mum chewing on her daughter’s neck with some sort of fungus growing out of her mouth. your eyes widened and your heart dropped, what the fuck was going on? the once disabled old woman looked up at the two of you and quickly stood up screeching and running after you when you told Sarah to run.

you weren’t as quick as you used to be but you were luckily quick enough the run away from this infected woman, she had fallen over the crinkled carpet giving you enough time to escape. “Sarah we need to get back in the house right now” you shouted as you grabbed her hand and tried to pull her into the house but as you did Joel’s truck pulled up.

“get in the truck right now” Joel shouted at you both, he sounded scared and he was never ever scared. this made you feel even more sick than before. he had a wrench in his hand and he quickly pulled the two of you behind him when the screeching sound approached you again. you all looked at the front door to see the elderly woman fall over the steps of her front porch.

Tommy got out of the car with a huge rifle in his hand making your eyes fill with tears, you were absolutely terrified but you didn’t want to show Sarah that you were scared, if she saw that she would feel even more frightened then she already was. you grabbed ahold of her hand and tried to pull her into the truck but she wouldn’t budge. it was like she was frozen in fear.

the old woman’s head shot up, her eyes were black and she started crawling towards you then she stood up and ran towards Joel and Tommy. “what are we doing Joel” without a second thought Joel cracked the wrench on her head making her fall to the floor. you and Sarah both gasped at what he had just done. Joel was never a violent person and this had shocked you.

he dropped the wrench and they both turned to look at you and Sarah. both of your faces were filled with fear and Joel quickly pulled Sarah into him “you killed her” she said, voice filled with fear “i know baby i’m sorry” he kissed her forehead and looked at you. you couldn’t believe what you just saw. you were confused and scared. “we gotta go” Tommy said making you all quickly get in the car.

you were sat in the back with Sarah who hugged you closely “it’s alright honey, it’ll all be over soon i promise” you whispered and you rubbed your hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her but also trying to comfort yourself. you could feel the baby kicking vigorously “are you okay y/n? you aren’t hurt are you?” Joel asked as he looked back at the two of you. you just shook your head.

you didn’t know why but all this fear made you wish you were back to being a little kid, wishing that your mum was there to comfort you when you were scared yet now you were the adult comforting your child and you didn’t know if you would ever even see your mum again.

“dad-” Sarah said but Joel quickly cut her off “i don’t know” he said like he knew what she was going to ask him. “they’re saying it’s a virus, some kind of parasite” Tommy added making Joel look at him. “does it come from terrorists?” she asked making Joel repeat himself “we don’t know”

“are we sick?” she asked and this time you answered “no, none of us are sick” Joel nodded “of course not” he sounded mad but you didn’t know what at. “why were they blowing things up?” her eyes were filled with tears as she asked all these questions.

“no idea, there’s no phone, no radio” her eyes darted between Tommy and Joel “how do you know?” she asked, voice laced with concern “what?” Joel looked back at the two of you, cuddled up together with you trying to act your calmest but he knew you, you were freaking out.

“how do you know we aren’t sick?” she was practically crying now. “they’re saying it’s mostly people in the city, that’s why they have the highway blocked off” Tommy said but he was quickly silenced when he drove past a burning house of one of his friends.

“the Adlers would take nana to the city, so that’s why they were sick?” Joel nodded “your right, that’s probably why” his thick texan accent was filled with concern but he tried his best to stay calm. “we are going to be fine, trust me” Tommy said but he sounded unsure of what he had just said.

he drive around the corner and quickly slowed down when he saw a small family. “what are you doing?” Joel asked and Tommy just shook his head “they have a kid Joel” Joel quickly cut him off. “so do we, are you forgetting that my wife is pregnant?”

“Joel Tommy is right, they have a kid we should help them” he turned back to you “no, we don’t know them. keep driving Tommy” he’d never spoken this was before and this was definitely not the Joel you knew. you just prayed that whatever this is would go away and you could go back to your normal lives.

-♡-

you were driving through the town, planes flying low, catastrophe everywhere and you were just scared. “right keep going down this way” Joel said as Tommy drove down a side road leading to a whole group of people who were fighting and running away from the danger. “keep driving Tommy” Joel said even though there were people everywhere.

“are you kidding? Joel i can’t just drive through a whole group of people” Joel cut him off shouting “just keep going damn it” cars were crashing into each other, the sounds of people screaming made your eyes fill with tears. the next thing you knew the cinema doors cracked open with a lot more people coming out of it, all of them crying.

“shit” Tommy said as he quickly stoped the car “go go, fuck Tommy go get out of here” Joel said as he looked behind him out of the truck and slammed his hand on the dashboard “i’m going, i’m going” Tommy started reversing back, careful to not hit anyone in the process.

Sarah looked out the back window and so did you, seeing the huge airplane falling rapidly toward the floor. “Tommy, you need get out of here” you shouted as the plane darted toward you. “fuck Tommy go now” Joel shouted but it was too late, the huge plane crashed on the ground exploding into a million pieces.

the huge flame almost blinded you, you felt sickened at the thought of all those people on the plane that didn’t even stand a chance. “oh shit” you heard Sarah say as a huge chunk of the plane crashed into you car and then your whole world went black.

-♡-

“y/n” you felt someone’s hand on your shoulder as you awoke from the darkness “y/n honey we need to get you out, can you get out slowly for me angel?” Joel’s soft voice filled your mind as you sat up, a sharp shooting pain went right through your stomach making you groan. “my stomach is killing me” you said as you put a hand on your belly. you looked out the window and saw Sarah sitting on the floor and Joel crouching next to where you were sitting.

“don’t panic, it’s probably nothing okay?” Joel’s heart dropped when he heard you say that, a pain in your stomach was never a good sign especially when you are pregnant. “can you get out sweetheart? or do you need help?” you just nodded and started making your way out of the car.

once you had gotten out of the car you stood next to Sarah and saw Tommy was on the opposite side “we gotta get off of the street” he said as you stood up right, you right hand still back on your stomach hoping to feel any sign of movement. “Sarah can’t walk, i’ll have to carry her. do you think you can walk?” you nodded again. “shit” you heard Tommy shout as a police car crashed into Tommys now ruined truck.

the car set alight and you were lucky you even made it out of the car that quick before it crashed otherwise you would have been dead and you wouldn’t have wanted your family to see that. “Tommy” Joel shouted as he tried to see Tommys face through the flames. “i’m okay, head to the river and i’ll meet you there” with a simple nod Joel picked up Sarah and pushed you behind him.

“stay close okay?” he gave you a quick kiss before you both started making your way through the side roads trying to find a way to the river. the two of you stopped once you saw a group of bodies with people eating them. “what the fuck” you whispered as you saw this horrific sight in front of you. one of the people shot up, looking at you twitching weirdly.

“go” Joel pushed you in front of him and you both started running through a random cafe. the man chased you, snarling and screeching as he followed. you could hear the man tripping over different things but you didn’t dare look behind you. you could hear Joel comforting Sarah who was now crying as you finally made it outside but you didn’t stop running until a gunshot filled the silent field.

you and Joel both stopped, turning to look back and the now dead body in front of you. “don’t move” you heard someone say next to you as a bright light shone on the three of you. “my daughters hurt her ankle and my wife is pregnant” the man lowered his gun and started talking to his radio “i’ve got three civilians by the river, one of them injured, one pregnant”

you couldn’t make out what the other person was saying but your thoughts were cut short when Sarah spoke up “what about uncle Tommy?” she questioned Joel just shook his head “i’m gonna get you both safe first then i’ll go back for him okay?” she just nodded and you all looked back at the masked man. “yes sir….. yes sir”

he raised his gun “we are not sick” Joel said as the man approached the three of you. “sir, i said we are not sick” with that the masked man shot a round of bullets and Joel heard you and Sarah scream. you all rolled down a small ditch and Joel quickly turned to look at the man who was now approaching him with his gun raised. “i’m sorry” he said but before he could shoot Joel another shot was fired, killing him instantly.

he looked up to see Tommy with his gun raised, he had never been so happy to see his brother in his whole life. “are you okay?” Tommy asked Joel who was just grazed by a bullet and Joel just nodded but Tommys eyes shifted to you who was covered in blood and gasping for air. “oh god” he said making Joel turn around to look at you.

all you could do was feel a throbbing pain in you stomach. Joel quickly got up and ran to you and Tommy made sure Sarah was okay and turned her away from you. he knew Joel wouldn’t want her seeing you like this and it was bad enough he had to see you like this. “no no it’s okay” he could see the blood soaking through your jumper, the once grey colour was now a soaked dark red and it was growing by the second.

“you’re okay, move your hand honey” Joel said once you’d moved your hand, putting pressure on the wound. you cried in pain as you still gasped for air. “i know i know im so sorry sweetheart i am” he said and he pressed harder on the wound to stop it from bleeding out more. you managed to speak through your pain as you grabbed onto Joel’s arm “go” he shook his head.

“go Joel, take” you took a few more deep breaths as you tried to calm yourself down “take Sarah and go” he just shook his head again. “no, i’m not leaving you like this. i can get help and you’re gonna survive this” he said, his eyes filling with tears as he saw your tired but pained expression.

“you know how much i love you, i don’t” you closed your eyes as you breathed deeply again “i don’t want you seeing me like this” you stuttered out. you felt a tear roll down your cheek as you realised what was about to happen to you. “meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me” you could hear Sarah sobbing next to Tommy and you hated that she was even watching you, laying there covered in blood.

“i’m sorry” he said as he sat down next to you, he took the pressure off of your wound and you were grateful he had given up, there was no way you were going to be able to survive this and you didn’t want to prolong it. you just shook your head at his comment. “don’t-”

you felt pain all over your body but you felt tired, so tired that you wanted to sleep desperately. “i love you, i love Sarah. just take her and run okay?” he had tears now rolling down his cheeks, his bloody hand now stroking your cheek softly. “im not leaving you here on your own” you just smiled at him. you knew he wouldn’t leave but you wanted to save him from the trauma of seeing you go.

“i know” you looked at him and he kissed you, one last for however long he has left on this earth. “i love you so much” you heard him say and with that your eyes closed. he sobbed quietly, you were gone and nothing was ever going to bring you back.

you were carrying his unborn child and he wished he could go back in time and taken the bullet instead of you. you were this ethereal soul who didn’t deserve to die this way and he hated it. he hated it so much. he tried his best to calm himself down as he took your wedding ring off of your finger and put it in his pocket hoping to keep it safe. it wasn’t like someone was going to steal it but he took it off so he could have something with him that was yours.

he kissed your forehead and carefully placed your body back on the floor and turned toward Sarah and Tommy, he had tear stains on his cheeks but his expression was neutral. “let’s go” he said, he was emotionless “dad, we can’t just leave her-” he cut Sarah off “i said let’s go” with that the three of them left and never looked back.

[fandomnerd9602]

Midnight

Stepsister!Wanda x Reader

For @lifespectator and @aloneodi

It all started the day your mom brought home her new boyfriend, Django, and with him came his daughter: Wanda Maximoff.

You could feel something stir within you the moment her eyes met yours and she gave you a shy smile. You could practically feel your heart beating out of your chest.

You and her were 12 at the time. You get like you weren’t old enough to like girls yet.

That was roughly seven years ago. Django and your mom married, making you and Wanda step siblings. You thought that being siblings now would’ve made your heart not look at her in that way anymore. And yet it persisted. No other girl in middle school or high school could compare to her.

Wanda, for the most part, didn’t date either. She was an introvert to the highest degree. She opened up to only two people in her life: you and her best friend Natasha.

Well she did start to date when you and her got to college. Her boyfriend was Vis, a foreign exchange student from England. He seemed proper enough but you hated him for taking Wanda away from you. The only times you ever saw Wanda was on weekends and in between college classes but he was always on her hip.

And so that brings you to New Years Eve. You promised your mom that you, Wanda, and Vis, who had never met your folks, would be home for the New Year. That didn’t mean that the three of you couldn’t stop off at a little college get together for the night first.

The party was loud, you couldn’t see or hear much over the mixture of music and voices. You tried to stay close to Wanda. This really wasn’t her forte.

“Come on Wanda,” Vis’ English accent tried to entice her. “It’s new years, what other way is there to celebrate?”

You turned and saw Vis trying to get Wanda up the stairs to one of the bedrooms. You gritted your teeth as one of your friends dragged you off for a split second.

The next thing you knew, you lost sight of both Wanda and Vis. Your heart broke to think that Wanda could’ve really been with someone else.

And then you caught sight of Wanda, tears streaming down her cheeks as she bolted out the door and into the cold. You turned to see Vis already making out with some other random chick.

You ran out into the blistering cold. That Vis was a jerk, making out with some other gal that wasn’t his date. You wanted to sock him in the jaw but Wanda was your bigger concern.

“Wanda?” You nearly shouted into the cold December air. You found her a few feet in front of you, crying her eyes out.

“Hey Red” you gently approach your stepsister and wrap an arm around her. She immediately turns around and buries her face in the crook of your neck.

“Take me home” she mutters against your skin.

You nod and guide her to your car. The ride home was quiet and somber. Wanda tried to wipe away a few fresh tears.

“I wouldn’t give it to him” she muttered.

“Huh?”

“He wanted to-and I wouldn’t.” She tries to say through her tears. “So he went off with another girl.”

“You did good” you reassured her. “Vis was a jerk”

“Papa would’ve hated him”

“I hated him from the moment I met the guy. Accent or not, Vis was no gentleman” you muttered. You even did a mocking accent earning a giggle from your step sister.

You guide her back into your family home. The clock on the mantle read ten minutes to midnight. Wanda settled onto the couch. You went and brewed some tea for her.

You brought in two mugs of piping hot tea. Wanda blew on hers a little. “Sorry I ruined your New Year’s party” she whispers.

“I’d rather be with you than let you suffer alone” you take a sip.

“Almost midnight” Wanda gives you a shy smile, “sorry you didn’t have someone to kiss”

“None of the gals there interest me” you shrug.

“What? You need to find yourself a girlfriend. You’ve never had one. Middle school. High school. Now college? Why?”

You take a deep breath, “because no girl can compare to the one who loves Florence and the Machine, Harry Potter, and old black and white sitcoms…”

Wanda gasps and then begins to tear up as you continue.

“The girl who gave my darkest days hope. The one whose smile lights up my world. The girl I’ve been in love with since I wasn’t supposed to like girls”

Wanda wipes away a few tears, “Vis wasn’t the one I loved. You are. I just thought it was too crazy…you and me…but we’re older now and…and…”

You gently wipe away a tear from her eye with your thumb and pull her into your arms. “Wanna be my New Years kiss?”

“We’ll” she giggles, “there’s no one else around so…five…”

You laugh, “four”

Her pupils dilate. Her eyes show only adoration for you. “Three”

“Two” you pull her closer.

“One” she whispers as you pull one another into a gentle kiss.

The sound of distant fireworks ring in the new year. But it didn’t matter for you and Wanda. You finally had the love of your life in your arms.

“My detka,” she sighs as she pulls back. She looks at you, you look at her. She giggles before immediately kissing you again. Her lips were like the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted.

What would her father or your mother think? It didn’t matter right now. You’ll take it one day at a time.

But for now, it was a new year. Full of new possibilities and new adventures awaiting for you and Wanda Maximoff, the little witch who always had your heart.

[neverenoughmarauders]

In defence of Remus Lupin

On behalf of James Potter who is unable to come to his aid on account of being dead.

I don’t for a second believe James would blame Remus for not checking in on Harry.

Firstly, Sirius proves in the way he questions Harry in POA that he believes Harry to be reasonably happy with his aunt and uncle (which is odd given Sirius sees him run away but nevermind). Why would Remus think any differently? He will have believed Harry to be well taken care of. Remus also trusted Dumbledore like nobody else. If Dumbledore believed Harry to be taken care of, why would Remus doubt it?

Remus should still have checked you say, and yes, had he been healthy, I’m sure James would have agreed.

Which brings me to secondly. Throughout the series we see how little Remus values himself. He doesn’t truly seem to believe it worthwhile to fight to keep his position as DADA teacher, when Harry and his class does. Remus believes that his wife and unborn child would be better off without him. And I’m sure he believed Harry to be better off without him too.

I’m sick of people not understanding how real this feeling of people being better off without him feels like to Remus. He’s shunned all his life for what he is. Even the more progressive people don’t want their children or loved ones around werewolves (as proven by Molly in OOTP at St. Mungo’s). Tonks becomes a target to the woman who does eventually kill her because she married Remus. (There’s a real question whether Tonks could have survived the battle of Hogwarts if Bella hadn’t been so set on murdering her). Would running away have helped Tonks or Teddy? No, but that’s missing the point. Remus believes it would. And Remus would have believed Harry was better off without him.

I can’t possibly know what James would have felt but from what we see of James and Sirius’ friendship with Remus, I think they knew better than anyone how inferior Remus felt, how dangerous and contaminated he believed himself to be.

This assertion is not completely unfounded because so did everyone else. As much as I hate the HBP scene when the whole room talks Remus into marrying Tonks, and as much as JKR does an awful job at selling their story as anything other than a doomed, random and forced relationship - the idea is meant to be that they are both in love with each other. The idea is meant to be that the other adults aren’t pressuring Remus into doing something he doesn’t want to do. It’s meant to be them knowing how much Remus will not date or marry the person he loves because he does not consider himself worthy of it. It should have been a scene that was one more data point on how much Remus’ condition affected his self-worth and life choices. A scene in which in the absence of Sirius and James and Dumbledore, the other people in Remus’ life step up to remind him he’s good enough!

In my view it fails to deliver this completely (and it’s a real tragedy as JKR finally takes time to elaborate on just how affected Remus is by his condition), but ignoring the execution for a second - if Minerva, Molly, Arthur and Tonks could see how much Remus would never believe himself good enough, then James and Sirius would know it a thousand times more.

Of course the confident fanon version is a different story. He should have and would have checked up on Harry. But hating canon Remus for not checking up on Harry shows a lack of empathy in my view. Rewriting the story so that Remus was forbidden to see Harry takes away from the tragedy that is Remus’ life: this idea that he believed the world would be better without him - when so many people know it would be infinitely worse.

[sitp-recs]

any recs for jealous harry? especially before they’re in a relationship. i think i’ve read most of them. but just in case i’d love to see if you have any!

thanks :)

Hi anon! I’ve seen more and more jealous Harry recently, good food 🤌🏼 here’s my reclist with jealous Harry and some additional recs for early jealousy before they get together. Enjoy!

The Real Thing by @skeptiquewrites (M, 5k)

Harry only means to cheer Draco up after a terrible breakup. He doesn't mean to fall in love.

Two of Us by @sorrybutblog (E, 5.5k)

The gang goes to a gay bar. Or: five times Harry accidentally pretended to be Draco’s boyfriend and one time Draco told him to put out or shut up.

Deadheading the Odd Dahlia by @peachpety (E, 8.7k)

Harry is content to spend his days at Draco’s flower stall at the farmers market, burying his true feelings in artisanal coffee and rose bouquets. When forced to find new lodgings, he accepts Draco’s offer to live in a cottage at Malfoy Manor, and his long-hidden crush blossoms out of control. Turns out, proximity makes the heart grow fonder.

Let Me Roll It by @lagerloutfic (E, 9.5k)

The thing about Harry was, he hated most people. And there was no one he hated more than Draco’s boyfriend Justin - certified knob and all round wanker. So when he finds out Justin is just as selfish inside the bedroom as he is outside it, Harry can’t help himself.

Peep Show by @kbrick (E, 10k)

To everyone’s surprise, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have become maybe-possibly-sort-of friends. When Harry moves into the building next to Draco's, they become neighbors, too. Actually, Harry can see directly into Draco's flat from his window. And as it turns out, Draco gets up to some interesting things at night.

Take These Lies by @pennygalleon (E, 20k)

There’s a portrait of his godfather in Draco Malfoy’s potions shop and Harry needs to know why. But that’s not why he keeps coming back.

We Might Be Too Old for a Bildungsroman by @wellhalesbells (T, 21k)

Harry finds something he’s been looking for since the war’s end. Admittedly, the packaging’s a bit odder than he expected.

I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor by birdsofshore (E, 28k)

Harry felt lit up from inside as soon as he entered the bar. There were blokes dancing together, their bodies close to one another, not keeping a wary distance as Harry was always careful to do when he was near another man. God, he wanted this – wanted it so much he could taste it, a metallic tang of heat and desire. He suspected nothing would ever be the same again – especially when he saw who else was in the room.

Around You Moves by ignatiustrout (M, 29k)

Harry knew Draco was gay when he invited him to move in. He’s never had a problem with this. So why does he feel so weird about Draco bringing men home all of a sudden?

LA, Who Am I To Love You? by @epitomereally (E, 42k)

Harry’s summer in LA is not going as expected. Pansy Parkinson keeps inviting him to parties in the Hollywood Hills and harassing him to finally go to the physical therapist, Blaise Zabini keeps slipping new strains of his company’s magical weed into Harry’s pockets in hopes of an endorsement, and Draco Malfoy keeps having sex with everyone but Harry.

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (E, 61k)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

Can't Sit Still by wilteddaisy (E, 193k)

Five years after the war, Harry finds himself drawn to Draco Malfoy by memories that aren't his own.

[trumpkinhotboy]

"All that matters to me is that you're happy"

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Younger sibling!reader

Type: Request (thank youuu !!)

Genre: Angst and fluff

Warnings: A few curse words, homophobic comments, having a homophobic family member/sibling, being “bullied” by a family member

Rating: 13+ (because of curse words)

Word count: approx. 4k

Requests: Open! For Heartstopper, Twilight wolfpack, Narnia and Harry Potter

A/n: I must say, I loved writing this fic, but it always make me feel a bit weird to write about someone who’s homophobic… I know it’s sadly part of our society, but ugh. Just writing those horribles words made me feel weird and the saddest thing is that they’re all things I’ve actually heard before ????? But anyway, i think the fluff really does outweigh the angst (lol) and im sending you all a big fat queer hug <33

*gif is not mine!!

** Can you imagine him hugging you like this? Making you feel safe and shit?? Ughh. Nick would be the best brother on earth that for SUUUURE (i even wrote a thing about it hehe, if you want to check it out it’s here :3)

Summary: After being around Charlie and his group of friends' the reader starts to question themselves a bit more, wondering what they’re own sexuality and gender might truly be. However, all that discovery isn't made easy by their oldest brother David, who’s never been one to shy away from speaking what’s on his mind (even though it's the most hainous and stupid thing you might hear:)). After a pretty heated fight between the two of them, the reader takes refuge in their room where they will at least get comfort and support from their other brother, Nick.

It had already been a week since your oldest brother, David, came home from university, and it was proving to be one of the longest weeks of your life. David's presence at home always meant you had to deal with a bunch of mixed and confusing feelings. You used to be quite close with him. Once, David Nelson was a sweet and funny boy, but since he entered his teenage years, he proved to be a complete asshat. You still had your good moments together, from time to time, but they were becoming pretty scarce. Especially since he started making all those homophobic and horrible comments about LGBTQIA+ folks. When something stupid came out of his mouth, which happened quite a lot, you usually tried to ignore him, not wanting to engage in a fight every single time. Especially when you knew he loved to do it on purpose, but it was incredibly harder to do since you had met Charlie and his friends and learned that your brother Nick was bisexual. That wasn't taking into account the fact that you had started to question your own sexuality. Fights kept sparking up with your brother, and you couldn't just stand down anymore and let him spew his homophobic nonsense.

Contrary to your habit, you came back from school alone that day. After you waited a good 15 minutes for Nick to make an appearance at the crowded gates of Truham, you sent him two text messages, which were left unanswered. You decided to head home anyway, knowing something must have come up for him.

Sitting in the old bus bringing you closer to home, you let your mind drift. You found your thoughts heading toward a subject that had become quite familiar to you in the past few weeks. You thought about how you admired Charlie and his friends. They were so accepting and loving towards each other. You always wished you could have a friend group like that. You had lots of friends at Higgs, some very nice ones at that, but it wasn't the same. You weren't your 100% authentic self with them. You would never be able to tell them how uncomfortable you felt with all the heteronormativity demonstrated at school and how you always felt a bit weird about being in a ‘girl's’ school. In fact, you didn't mind it at all, but you hated all the stereotypical crap that came with it. Deep down inside, you never really considered yourself a girl or a boy. You were just a human, existing and floating around, trying to make the best of life. You felt trapped by the gender box and wanted to exist outside of it. You wanted to do anything you wished, wear anything you wanted without having to think whether it was a "girly" or "boyish" thing to do. Until a certain age, you didn't really care about all of that, but the older you got, it felt like stereotypes were being pushed onto you even more. And lately, you just couldn't come up with a way to deal with it, although the need was getting more pressing with each passing day.

As you walked home, completely lost in thought and not really noticing what was in front of you, you bumped into a tall, and lanky boy.

"Y/n! There you are!" You heard Charlie's familiar voice say from afar, slowly bringing you back to the mortal realm. "Nick's been looking for you everywhere!"

"Oh, right," you mumbled. "I did wait at Truham and even texted him, but after a while, I just decided to go anyway."

The curly-haired boy stayed silent for a second, noticing you seemed out of it. Silent and pensive, instead of being your usual cheerful self. He shifted his head to the side, trying to catch your gaze. "Are you okay?"

You looked up at him, confusion filling your eyes. "I don't know," you admitted. "It's been an interesting past few weeks." You kicked small pebbles off the sidewalk as he took ahold of your arm, bringing you to a small bench on the side of the road.

"Do you want to talk about it? You know I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything." he kindly offered. You let out a heavy breath. How could you talk about something that didn't even make sense to you? 

"I-, I've been questioning myself a lot lately…" He didn't react to that declaration, giving you the space you needed to express yourself fully, but encouraged you to carry on with a subtle nod. "I-, you know, with you and Nick, and your friends and just, everything in fact. I- ugh, I just feel so trapped." Elbows on your knees, you pressed your closed eyes with the palms of your hands. A feeble attempt to relieve some of the pressure you felt buzzing in your overstimulated brain.

"Trapped?"

"Like I'm suffocating. People keep saying stuff that makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not sure why it makes me feel this way."

You turned to face him, his expression a mix of surprise and compassion. With his own coming out and Nick's situation, Charlie was getting quite versed in the 'question yourself' department. "What kind of stuff?"

"Well…" you hesitated for a second. Saying those things out loud felt like jumping off a cliff, and you weren't sure what was waiting for you down there, but Charlie felt like such a safe person. His kind and caring expression made you want to say the words bouncing around in your head for the first time. Deep down, you knew he was one of the few people you could tell this without being scared.

"I hate all these labels and stereotypes everyone seems to be pushing on me. I don't think I've ever really noticed it before, but now I see every weird reaction and surprised glance when I say or do something that might be just a tiny bit out of the 'normal' box. I'm just a human. I don't feel attached to any gender, either with myself or when I'm interested in someone. Their gender doesn't matter to me, it's their personality, interests, and how they treat me. That's what matters and makes sense to me." You were slightly out of breath after you blurted this whole thing out. Once you started talking, it felt impossible to stop. Coming to your senses about everything you had just told Charlie, you nervously looked his way. "Or at least, I think."

True to himself, he had listened patiently, never interrupting you. You took a deep breath, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. It was such a refreshing feeling. Your brother's boyfriend looked at you in silence before smiling.

"I'm really happy, and honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me about all of this Y/n. Does Nick know about the way you feel?"

You shook your head no, feeling a hint of guilt creeping in. "I didn't know what to tell him… I'm not even sure how I feel can be put into clear words."

"Sometimes it is pretty hard to find ways to put an exact word on a state of mind, but if you'd like, I can tell you about some stuff that might be linked to how you feel. You're not the only one who feels like that, and even if it's not exactly the good word for you, maybe it can give you an idea. A hint of things to look up, to do some research on and see what that feels like for you."

You nodded excitedly. Your innocent enthusiasm exerting a laugh from Charlie.

"But. We'll do that as I walk you home, okay? Nick had a rugby thing tonight and panicked a bit when he realized he hadn't told you about it. He asked me to text him when I saw you and would probably feel more comfortable knowing I walked you home. So, is that a deal?”

The discussion you shared on your walk home was one of the most informative you've ever had. Charlie was full of knowledge, and he was incredibly good at explaining everything. When he left you on your doorstep, words like "non-binary" and "pansexual" still danced around in your brain. You thanked him thoroughly before promising to keep him updated. You entered your cozy home, feeling some relief for the first time in a while. Nellie's excited welcome only made it better. She was dancing around your feet, letting out high-pitched barks.

"Y/n? That you, darling?" you heard your mother's voice call from the kitchen.

"Yes, mum!"

You joined her in the delicious smelling room after you granted Nellie your entire attention. She was still following you around, almost making you trip as she slipped between your legs. As you came in, you were incredibly happy to see the plate of lasagna your mother put in the stove.

"You're a bit late. Everything alright?"

"Oh yes. Charlie walked me home since Nick had a rugby thing. We got distracted a little bit, that's why."

Your mother only nodded with a smile. She absolutely loved Charlie and knew that if you were with him, she didn't need to worry about a thing. She entirely trusted him to take care of her Nelson babies.

"Dinner'll be ready in twenty."

You nodded before you walked to the living room, your bag slung over your shoulder.

"Hey." saluted David. He was sprawled on the couch, focused on some video game on the screen. Nellie, still on your heels, let out a low growl when she noticed his presence. Like you, she wasn't much of a fan of David's. You rolled your eyes as you realized he had, once again, borrowed Nick's Nintendo Switch without asking. You finally grunted in response, not wanting to end your good mood by engaging with him. "Heard you say that Charlie walked you home."

His comment immediately made you tense up. When David was mentioning Charlie, it rarely ended well. You still remember vividly the night he had met him, all the things he had said, and how much of a dick he had been. You had felt so bad for poor Charlie and spent the night in Nick's room, allowing him to vent about the situation. "Yeah." you cautiously answered.

"So?"

"So what?" you turned on your heels, facing him with a challenging look, daring him to say some dumb shit again.

"Well, he's not trying to turn you gay, is he?" he snickered.

Your mouth opened in an astonished 'oh'. He didn't dare to say that, did he? If his comment hadn't made you so angry, you would have laughed at his stupidity. "What the hell, David. Do you even hear yourself?"

He let out an idiotic laugh, sounding like all the morons you had the pleasure to cross paths with at school. "No, but I mean, he's already convinced Nick, maybe you're next on the list. Maybe he wants you to join his little gay club."

Tightening your grip on the strap of your bag, your blood boiled in your veins. If you were a comic character, high-pressure smoke would come out of your ears right this instant. You couldn't understand how such a hateful and horrible human being could be related to you and the rest of your family.

"Shut the hell up. What does it bring you to be such a dick?"

He put his game on pause, noticing the change in your tone. "Oh my god, not you too. Can't anybody take a joke anymore?"

"David, I swear, you better shut up. I'm done letting you say such hateful things without saying anything."

"Listen, I just don't want to be stuck in a house with so many gay people. Don't want to catch it, you know. I don't even get it. It can't even physically work between same-sex people. Is it some weird kinky stuff? Am I really cursed to be the only sane one in this family?" He started his game again as if he hadn't just said one of the worst things you had ever heard. At this point, he wasn't even trying to hide his homophobia. You always tried to keep the peace between you two, knowing it made your mother very sad when you got in fights, but this was your limit, and he kept crossing it as if it didn't matter.

"I don't even know why you keep bothering coming home when all you do is be a stupid piece of shit towards Nick and me. You were an asshole to him when he came out, and now you want to do the same to me? You're not even nice to mum! I, we, don't need this in our life."

"You too? So you are gay?!"

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" You took a breath, trying to refrain from punching him straight in the face. "You know what, I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone like you. You try to act as if you are this cool and nice older brother who's just joking, but you AREN'T. You're just mean and a fricking homophobe. Don't you ever talk to me again, got it?" You kept your tone cold, but made sure that every word coming of your mouth was coated in venom.The 'game over' sound escaped the TV, your brother staring at you, clearly dumbfounded by your last words. You left the room before you could start crying in front of him and bumped into your mother, her eyes wide open. No doubt she had heard the last part of that conversation. It broke your heart to see the expression on her face, but if she couldn't recognize when her own son was being a bully, that wasn't on you. She would never accept that behavior from anyone else, she was giving him too many chances, and you couldn't abide it when it came to something as serious as this.

"Y/n, darling…"

"I don't know why you still allow him to come here. It's been years since David has been decent to us. I'm so tired of it Mum, I'm done with it. I can't take this anymore, and someone needs to tell him this is NOT okay. I'm not talking to him anymore, and I really mean it. This isn't a petty little fight between siblings. This is serious."

"I-"

Your attention was captured by the front door opening on a very sweaty Nick.

"Hi, I'm home!" you heard his familiar voice say. The smile on his face vanished when he noticed the expression on you and your mother's faces. "What happened?" he asked seriously. Worry invaded his hazelnut eyes at the sight of your disheveled figure, your chest quickly going up and down, your breath shallow with anger. Your mother's state wasn't comforting either. She looked absolutely brokenhearted.

"David. That's what happened," you said with a sarcastic smile before you went around your mother, climbing the stairs as quickly as you could to escape into your room. It didn't take very long for you to hear the screaming coming from downstairs. A mix of your mother and both your brothers' voices. You shoved your head into your pillow and slipped under the covers, trying to make yourself as small as possible before you let the tears run freely down your face.

You opened your eyes after some time, feeling as confused as ever. You felt like you were on another planet, hunger rumbling in your stomach. You looked at the time on your phone with half-opened eyes. 8:00pm. You must have fallen asleep after all the crying. 

You listened carefully, trying to hear what was happening downstairs when you saw your door open about an inch. Nick's face was peeking in the crack, trying his best not to make a sound. "Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?" he softly asked. You mumbled a yes, slowly sitting up in your bed, trying to regain some grasp on reality. His hands were full with a tray containing a plate of delicious-smelling lasagna, a steaming cup of tea, and a piece of brownie your mother had baked the night prior. He put it down on your night table, his eyes looking for yours.

"So."

"So."

"Mom told me what happened with David." he started. "I'm so sorry Y/n. Usually, I try to protect you from him. I'm sorry I wasn't home to prevent that whole situation from happening."

Once again, your eyes filled with tears. You didn't think it was even physically possible after all the crying you had already done, but here you were. You looked down at your fidgety hands, determined not to let him see the emotion arising in you.

"Yeah. Well, he's David. We know he's horrible."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has a right to act like this. Mum said she'll take care of it. He really crossed the line this time." 

His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his gray sweatpants. A few wild strands of reddish hair fell in his eyes. He still looked so worried, guilty even. He had hoped you never would have to go through that and couldn't help but feel responsible that it happened anyway. You didn't dare to add anything, afraid that speaking would break you. Everything you were feeling was already so confusing, and the fight with your brother only made it worse. Nick kept staring, unsure what to do. He wanted to be there for you but didn't want to push your limits. He decided to sit on your bed, close, but not enough to be in your personal space. A very gentle approach was probably the way to go. You kept staring at your knees, knowing if you looked at him, it was done for, you would crack again. Nick and you were incredibly close. He was your brother, and in a way, he was an extension of yourself. You would do anything for him and knew the feeling was reciprocated. Having that kind of relationship had its advantages, but when you were trying to keep yourself from falling apart… it was kind of a pain. How could you look into his eyes and lie about everything you felt?

Gently, he took ahold of your hands. "Can I do anything to help?"

You stared at your hands covered with his freckled ones. These hands helped you through so much. They steadied you when you learned to ride a bike at seven. They always held yours when you were scared, and they always rubbed your back soothingly when you needed comfort.

You finally lifted your gaze, tears rolling down your face. You nodded as your lower lip started to shake uncontrollably. "Can I- can I have a hug?"

He took a deep breath before wrapping you in his arms.

"Come here." he engulfed you in his embrace making you feel protected and as safe as ever. He jumped under the covers so you both sat, your backs resting on your headboard. His arms still around you, and your head on his chest, you assembled the courage to let the words stuck in your throat be expressed.

You told him about all the things you had been questioning lately. All the stereotypes and labels that made you feel trapped. You told him about your walk with Charlie and how good it had felt to hear that it was all okay, that you were okay. Your gaze turned dark when you told him word for word about your conversation with David. You felt his grip tighten on you for a split second. You were no stranger to the anger David triggered in your brother.

"And then you came home, and now we're here." You ended your monologue and looked up to him. His brows furrowed, he seemed in deep, deep thoughts. Looking straight ahead, everything you told him was still settling in his mind. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, until my discussion with Charlie, I didn't even know what I was feeling."

The mention of his boyfriend seemed to bring him back to the present. He looked at you, forcing a smile on his lips that did not quite reach his eyes. "That's okay. You don't ever have to tell me something if you don't feel ready. I'm glad Charlie was there to catch you when you needed to."

You smiled, feeling once again that comforting warmth spreading in your chest. You were incredibly grateful to have such an amazing brother as Nicholas. You squeezed him a bit tighter. He reciprocated your gesture while resting his cheek on top of your head.

"Although I must admit I am a tiny bit jealous that you told him before me…"

"Jealous, uh?" you giggled after getting up, staring at him and the sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

"I'm just saying I want you to remember who has always slipped you some candies when mum said it was enough. Before you replace me with Charlie, that is."

You burst out laughing, remembering the many times you almost got sick because of all the candies Nick had slipped you.

"No worries, brother. I'm not thinking of replacing you just yet. You're too useful to me."

"Ah! That's comforting." His gaze in the direction of the ceiling, the smile on his face stilled. "I'm really sorry again about David. He's such a dick. I already felt so bad for what happened with Charlie. I'm so mad he dared to do the same to you." Your oldest brother's inner brain working was something that needed to be examined by scientists. You would never pretend to know how it even worked. "I thought that it was me he specifically had a problem with. I hoped that your youngest sibling's status would protect you. That was foolish of me. I should have said something before."

Rubbing his eyes with his hands, he seemed incredibly tired and vulnerable. You hated that someone from your own family could have that effect on him. In fact, you hated that someone in your family caused you all so much hurt.

"David's always been like that. Ever since he turned fourteen, he's been a bully. I think the important thing is that we never let it slide anymore. I think we all gave him too many chances, and it resulted in the lovely human being he is now." You reached for his hand once more, hoping to take away some of the guilt in his eyes. "This is not your fault Nick. You know how much I appreciate how you're always there for me, but I need to fight my own battles, and this is what I've done today. As shitty as it feels to know what David thinks of queer people, I feel incredibly proud to have stood up to him. To have said enough."

Your words seemed to lighten up his mood. The smile on his face wasn’t full yet, but it was getting much closer to a heartfelt one. "I am proud of you too. You're such a badass kid."

Curling your arms to show your guns, you wiggled your brows, hoping it would make him laugh and bring back on his features that dear smile of his. To your advantage, you did know your brother pretty well because he couldn't contain his laugh at the display of your dumb antics.

For the rest of the night, you stayed hidden in your room. You ate your whole plate and decided to put on a movie. You decided that the best remedy to such a shitty evening was to have one of your infamous movie nights. Nick even went out to fetch Nellie and some more sweets to satisfy the both of you.

"Y/n," he whispered halfway through the movie. A huge bowl of popcorn on both your laps, yours salty and his sweet, Nellie sprawled at the end of the bed, you hummed, reluctantly taking your focus away from the screen.

"What? I swear if you're about to ask me for some of my popcorn again, I'll punch you."

"It's not that." he chuckled. "I, I just want to say that if you need help with anything in your… your quest of understanding your sexuality."

"My quest?!" you interrupted with a laugh.

"Shut up." he threw some popcorn to your face, which you immediately ate, before he continued. "No, but I mean if you need help in your research or want me to be mindful of the pronouns I use for you. I want you to let me know."

You paused the movie, your expression a neutral surprise. "Nick, I-"

"No pressure or anything! I know you're still exploring and learning about new stuff. I just want you to know that I'm 100% here for you, no matter what, okay? You can ask me anything, and I'll do my best to help and support you. All that matters to me is that you are happy."

You stayed silent, the idea of exploring your pronouns still hanging in the air in front of you. You scrunched your nose and buried your face in his shoulder.

"I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you, Nick," you whispered with muffled words that barely came through the fabric of his sweatshirt.

"Better than Charlie?" he whispered back, diffusing the seriousness of the moment. You sat straight again, looking at him, a sparkle glowing in both your eyes. He was dumb. He loved to make jokes and tease you, but he was your big brother and your best friend in the whole world.

You offered him some of your salted popcorn before you focused again on the movie. Even though this had been a shitty week and evening, you took some time to just appreciate this precious moment, and took comfort in knowing that no matter what, you would always have Nick by your side.

[mastermindmiko]

Potions Partner

Pairing: Draco Malfoy + fem!reader

Word count: 1895

Summary: Y/N Potter is Harry Potter's sister and so by association Draco Malfoy must hate her too and she must do so as well.

Warnings: none I think but let me know if there's any I missed

My masterlist

Part two

tell me if you want to be apart of the tag list for this series in the comments

Requests are open

Hate unfiltered, blinding hate. That’s what he felt for both of them. He was getting praised for something he never even consciously did, and she was his sister, that was more than enough for him to hate her too. It was sickening how much everyone worshipped them.

“Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Potter.” Professor Slughorn announced, grabbing Draco’s attention at the mention of his surname. He looked up from the ground, his train of thought interrupted, and his heart (unwantedly) skipped several beats. He looked around and saw that the class was divided into groups of two each sitting on a table.

He looked to find Y/N looking at him reluctantly, and her brother giving him a glare. Draco rolled his eyes, this is why he hated them. He could hear the Potter twins bickering and he clenched his jaw, he was not in the mood for this.

“I don’t want to go to him! Switch with me.”

“No! I’m not going to be partners with him.”

Y/N looked at Weasley and gave him a pleading look. Weasley looked around with wide eyes, avoiding her gaze like he knew exactly what she was going to do. She turns towards him and plays with his tie, she nearly purrs, “But Ron wouldn’t you much rather be my partner?”

Draco rolls his eyes at her innuendo, but he’d be lying if he said that he never thought of her that way before, he’d also be lying if he said that he didn’t do it quite frequently. She was one of the most attractive people in Hogwarts (the most in his opinion, not that he’d let her know that), he highly doubted that he was the only one who did. He remembers the Yule Ball.

Potter shoves her aside and hissed, “You can’t just flirt with him and get what you want.”

She gives her brother a glare and seethes, “Stay out of this-” her voice turns sickeningly sweet again. “It’s his decision.” She turns to Ron and gives him a tiny smirk, “Hmm?”

“No!” Harry interrupts, saving a blushing Ron from replying. “Professor Slughorn! Are we allowed to switch partners?” Harry asks the new potions teacher and the professor shakes his head too occupied with chatting with some other students. Harry folds his arms, and looks at her with a victorious grin.

She frowns and shoots her brother a glare. She grabs her things, keeping her book in her hand, making her way towards the table Draco’s at. She makes sure to hit Harry’s head with her book before moving too far.

Harry grumbles over in pain, raising his hand to rub the spot that she’s hit. It brings a slight smile to Draco’s mouth that he erases immediately. He has more important things to worry about this year than those pathetic twins.

She sits on the chair beside him and she doesn’t look at him as she brings out her ink pot and her parchment from her bag. She doesn’t spare him a glance, and he does the same. He zones out again thinking of possible tactics that can get the vanishing cabinet to work while Granger talks about Amortentia, Veritaserum and sleeping drought.

His first task is, making the room of requirement unavailable to anyone but him, so no one can find out what he’s up to. After that, he has to find a way to get the vanishing cabinet to work, which seemed like an impossible task, considering that it’s been out of use for a hundred years now.

“One sip of this and you will find that all your endeavors succeed…at least until the effects wear off.” Professor Slughorn says with a grin, grabbing his attention once again. He looks at the tiny vial that the Professor’s holding and he identifies it as Liquid Luck. It’s a tricky potion to make, he knows that, that’s why he can’t make it himself, and why he starts to think about how to steal it.

“So, this is what I offer each of you today, one tiny vial of liquid luck to the pair of students who in the hour that remains manages to brew an acceptable draught of living death.” He explains and Draco already starts to flip through the pages of his book. “Recipes for which can be found in your books on page 10.”

He rolls up the sleeves of his right arm, but just when he’s about to roll his left arm’s sleeve he remembers. He rolled them both down again and made sure that no one was looking. He needed to be more careful.

He goes to page ten and starts writing on a piece of parchment the ingredients needed. Professor Slughorn wasn’t kidding when he said the potion was complicated. He lets out a sigh, and looks around the room to see who his competition is. He concludes that no one’s a threat except for Granger, but she’s no match to his potion making abilities.

“Go get these from the cupboard, I imagine you’re competent enough to get them.” Draco seethes at his potions partner as he slides the paper to her, already grabbing his wand to heat the pot. When he receives no reply, he turns to find that she had fallen asleep.

“Potter!” He shouts and she jolts awake. She looks around her, frightened and then she looks at him and grumbles, “What’d you do that for?” He rolls his eyes at her and repeats, “Go get these ingredients.”

“Why should I?” She asks, annoyed that he’s bossing her around. “Because you want the grade.” Draco explains, and she gives him a look of disgust, top lip curled up in disgust before she snatches the paper, heading towards the cabinet where so many people already are. He reads the instructions again, putting his own notes.

She returns and nearly throws the ingredients on the desk, she seethes, “Satisfied?” He looks at them and checks them from his book, making sure that she brought the right ingredients. Once she realized what he was doing, she scoffed at his actions, folding her arms over her chest.

“Very.” He says, and she hops down on the stool. He starts to brew the potion, he reads every step twice and makes sure everything’s perfect. He doesn’t let the female Potter help with anything, he can’t risk her messing anything up.

“I can help, you know.” She says, annoyed when he refused to let her touch anything, after she had reached for the sloth brain and he slapped her hand away. He rolls his eyes when he loses count of the amount of drops he’s putting because of her. He looks around the table and hands her some bezoars. “Here measure these.”

“These don’t need to be measured, you only need one.” She says, after checking her own book. He knew that of course, so he gave her a sarcastic smile, “Well, you did great.” He grabs one from the palm of her hand and places it inside the cauldron, making sure to steer anti-clockwise.

“I got an O in my OWLs…in potions, I bet I’d be able to do it better than you.” She hisses at him, resisting the urge to hex him. He ignores her and starts to stir the potion clockwise for five slow paced stirs, holding his breath, it was the last step. The potion turns black and he exhales, he’s done it right.

He calls professor Slughorn over with a smirk, and the professor comes with a leaf. He drops the leaf in and instead of disintegrating, it turns the potion purple. Professor Slughorn purses his lips, and pats Draco’s shoulder, sympathetically. He moves to another table when he’s called and as soon as he’s out of earshot, Draco turns to Y/N.

“You ruined the potion.” He hisses, and she looks at him incredulously. She slammed her book shut, throwing it in her bag. She whisper-shouts, “How can I ruin the potion? I quite literally did nothing!”

“You got the wrong ingredients!” He accuses, and she replies, “How can I? You checked them twice.” She closes her ink pot with the lid and rolls the parchment back to its original form and ties it together. She puts them into her bag and slings the bag over her shoulder.

“You must have done something, you incompetent-” Draco says, heatedly. In a second, she raises her wand to his neck and threatens, “Finish that sentence, I dare you.”

He isn’t deterred by the wand on his neck, and he brings out his wand from his own pockets, pointing it at her chest and he starts again, more slowly this time, “You incompetent-”

“Mr. Malfoy! Ms. Potter! This is unacceptable!” Professor Slughorn explains, mid handing Harry the Felix Felicis. They’re both too angry to register their astonishment at him correctly brewing the potion. “You both have detention on Friday! Now, clap for Harry then leave.”

Draco grabs his things and leaves the room, not bothering to listen to his teacher’s instructions. He huffs as he leaves the class, already making his way to the room of requirement, effectively skipping his defense against the dark arts lesson, Snape would cover for him anyway.

He reaches the fifth floor and then looks to make sure that no one’s there. He closes his eyes and thinks of what he needs, and the door to the room appears. He wastes no time in getting inside and as soon as he’s inside he sees the cabinet.

He let out a shaky breath, but first he had to figure out how to keep the room of requirement out of anyone’s hands. He tried placing silencing and disillusionment charms, but none of them worked. He did know that the room doesn’t allow anyone in, if there’s someone already inside. Draco then decided that he’d be spending every waking moment here which was already a part of the plan.

He neared the cabinet and his arm started burning. He clutches his forearm in pain, and grimaces. He pushed up his left arm’s sleeve and he remembers today’s near incident. He can’t let anyone find out that he’s a death eater, and the first way to do that is to hide his dark mark. He places an invisibility spell on his arm, and he thinks it looks convincing enough.

He couldn’t afford to have anymore detentions because of Y/N Potter, he already didn’t have enough time as it is. The Dark Lord requested his presence during winter break to catch up on his progress, and he had to have at least something to show him. He already quit the Quidditch team to free up his time, but he wasn’t able to stop being a prefect.

He wouldn’t be able to get much of his school work done when he’s focusing on this task. It’s too much of a handful without assignments and tests. His mother was much more important than getting good grades.

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfic - Whomping Willow

Words: 963

@wolfstarmicrofic

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

On the outside, Remus looked calm. If anyone was to study him, they might notice an occasional tiny twitch in his left eye or the way the right side of his bottom lip pulled slightly, but his face was passive and his body relaxed as he sat at one end of the sofa in the Gryffindor common room clutching an empty glass.

Inside, every atom of his being was thrashing around like the whomping willow. His heart hammered against his ribs, he was biting the inside of his lower lip hard enough to taste blood and he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

On the other side of the room, Sirius was deep in conversation with Benjy Fenwick. Remus had counted the number of times that Sirius had thrown back his head and laughed at something Benjy said (six), and how many times Benjy had touched Sirius on the arm, shoulder, and most egregiously, his hip (nine, in total).

“Why don’t you tell him?” Dorcas perched on the arm of the sofa next to him.

“Self preservation and the knowledge that he deserves better.” Remus said, not taking his eyes off Sirius.

“And it’s just fine for you to keep all that inside forever?.”

“Perhaps.” He admitted. “I swear it used to be easier. It’s fine. Only four months of school left, though. Then I can have some space from it all.”

Dorcas snorted, “If that’s what you think’s going to happen—”

“Why are we glaring at Sirius?” Marlene appeared behind Dorcas. “I approve, I’m just curious.”

“He’s pining. Again.”

“You’d probably be happier if you didn’t insist on watching.” Marlene said. “Seems masochistic.”

“Don’t kink shame him!” Dorcas giggled. “She’s right though. Come and get another drink.”

Remus sighed and stood up, “I hate when you’re right.” Before he headed to where he’d left his fire whisky, he looked over his shoulder and was surprised to see Sirius looking at him, something burning in his gaze. Remus offered him a half smile before following Marlene and Dorcas.

He sensed someone next to him as he grabbed the bottle, and was surprised to see it was Benjy.

“Done staring, Lupin?” He asked in a low voice. Remus turned to him and raised an eyebrow slightly when he saw that Benjy didn’t look angry, but amused. “I didn’t know you’d be interested. I wouldn’t have wasted any time on Black if I—”

“Wait, what?” He said, “Waste your— what?”

Benjy took a step closer to him, “C’mon, Black’s easy. I prefer a challenge.”

“You’ve got the wrong idea.” Remus focused on pouring steadily as Benjy settled his palm on the small of Remus’ back.

Benjy scoffed, “You’re not subtle. If you’re not out, you might want to rein it in.”

“Fuck off.” Remus’ face was still passive but it was considerably more effort to maintain now. Maybe Dorcas was right, and he should just—

“Moony, a word.” Sirius appeared on his other side.

Remus nodded and shook off Benjy’s hand before following him up to the dormitory.

“What the fuck was that?” Sirius asked as soon as the door was shut.

“He thought I was staring at him and—”

“You were.” Sirius said flatly. “Look, if you’d told me that you like him, I’d have told him to piss off. I didn’t know, but still, not a fan of you poaching blokes I’m in the middle of a conversation with.”

Remus sat on the edge of Sirius' bed and rested his head in his hands, “Jesus Christ.” He mumbled, “I was absolutely not poaching Benjy, nor am I into him. I was telling him that when you interrupted.”

“Then why were you staring at him?” Sirius asked, trying to keep his voice steady and almost succeeding. “Don’t deny it, I have eyes.”

“I wasn’t staring at Benjy.” Remus looked up and met his gaze, waiting for the penny to drop.

“But you were, you didn’t— Oh.” Sirius stilled. “Moons?”

Remus braced himself as he confirmed, “Yeah.”

“But… you never flirt back or even react when I flirt with you.”

“Oh, is that what you’ve been doing?” Remus felt all of those repressed emotions rushing to the surface. “I’ve wanted you for a long time, and I never said anything because I was busy helping you through heartache and then helping you make plans of who you should go after next and you know what? My name never came up once, Sirius. You’ve never seen me as legitimate option, and you know that.”

Sirius stared at him, the colour draining from his face. “You never made yourself an option.”

“Because if it’s a choice between me and someone who isn’t a dark fucking creature, then there isn’t a choice at all. I shouldn’t be an option, but it would have been nice just once if you’d—”

“So you could just turn me down with some noble speech about being a werewolf?” Sirius snapped. “We both know that’s what would happen. Why should I put myself through that, when I can just keep pretending that we’re just friends?”

“Maybe I hoped that I’d be worth the risk. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve taken a risk on our friendship.” Remus said quietly. “You’re right though. You shouldn’t have to put yourself through that.”

Sirius’ eyes flashed dangerously, “If you want me, do something about it, Remus. Do something about it, otherwise just fuck off.”

Remus stood up. The urge to just leave the dorm was strong. It was the sensible choice, but instead he found himself in front of Sirius, close enough that he could feel Sirius’ breath ghosting across his lips. “I’m not going to beg you to want me, Sirius.”

“You don’t need to.” He let Remus close the small distance between them.

Notes:

Do you ever write a line that breaks you a little bit?

Bc that's me with 'Maybe I hoped that I’d be worth the risk. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve taken a risk on our friendship.'

Like, yes call him out, but also the prank was almost two years ago, maybe stop bringing it up in arguments, Remus, bc that's not healthy

[allycat319]

Unlikely Affection Chapter 23: Forgotten**

“You need to do what?” I asked, panic flooding my veins as I stood from the chair and began backing towards the door. Did he want to take my memories? We had been perfectly happy before this point and now he wants me to forget everything…No way, I need to figure out a way to run from this room. 

“Little Star, listen to me…” I shake my head quickly and he stands and walks slowly towards me, holding his hands up to show he isn’t a threat…right now. “It is only temporary.” 

“But-t why? I don’t understand.” My voice is shaking and my nerves are beginning to bubble over. 

“Umbridge believes Potter has formed an unauthorized group and is conspiring against the ministry. She will begin interrogating students in the coming week-” 

“That has nothing to do with us…Why do you need to take my memories?” I interrupted him and he came closer, placing his hands on my arms and squeezing gently. 

He sighed “She has asked me to provide her with Veritaserum for her to use during the interrogations. Which means you will be vulnerable to her prodding.” He explained and my panic began to subside. 

“I know you have no part in Potter’s devious activities, however, we cannot take the risk.” I chew on my bottom lip as he speaks. I haven’t told Severus about my part in Dumbledore’s Army and I never intended to but now that he is planning to go rifling through my memories, I’m going to have to tell him and I thoroughly dread how he is going to handle it. 

“I think it would be a good time to tell you that-” Severus cuts me off with a groan. 

“Please tell me you have kept your nose out of this business between Potter and the ministry.” I wince and he growls. I have been avoiding telling him about Edwin and I being involved with Dumbledore’s Army, I knew he would be angry at me for getting involved but we needed someone to teach us how to defend ourselves. If Umbridge wasn’t going to do it then Harry was the best option. 

“Before you start telling me how dangerous it is and how dumb I am…Umbridge is a horrible teacher and we all decided that we needed to learn how to defend ourselves.” The look on Severus’s face is terrifying. I knew when I told him about the meetings he was going to be angry but now…He is pissed. 

He grimaced at my words and returned to his desk, sitting down and leaning back in his chair, his hands running up and down his face. He sighed “I will remove those memories for the time being as well…I assume Finley is involved also.” 

“Yes.” The words are low when they leave my lips and my heart sinks again at the look on his face. I hate when I disappoint him. 

He took a few seconds before he spoke again. “Bring me Finley…I will remove his memories as well…regarding both our relationship and Potter’s little group.” 

I nod and turn to leave the room when a question pops to the tip of my tongue and I can’t knowingly get Edwin and let Severus take our memories before I ask him. I turn back around to him and ask “Are you going to return both of our memories…About the relationship and Dumbledore’s Army?”

He looks up at me and cocks an eyebrow, “Do you believe I will not return your memories to you?” He asks I can’t read his expression and it makes me even more nervous than I already am. 

“If you think you are keeping me safe by not returning them…yes.” 

“Do not fret Little Star…” He stands and walks over to me, taking my hands in his before continuing “I will be returning your memories to you, but you are not to continue with Potter’s group.” 

“But they need as much help as they can get,” I argue and he shakes his head, pulling my hands to his lips and placing a kiss on both of my knuckles. 

“Give me your word that you will not attend any more of those meetings.” I huff and nod, knowing that I can’t just stop showing up, I overheard Hermione talking to Harry and Ron about how she had jinxed the paper we all signed up on and anyone would regret running and telling Umbridge. At this point, I’m not sure if the jinx works if we are disbanded from the group and I am not inclined to find out. 

“Good…Now go get Finley. Umbridge has informed me that she will be interrogating you tomorrow morning.” I cocked an eyebrow. 

“Why did she tell you when she was going to interrogate me?” 

“You are my assistant and she will be removing you from my class tomorrow…She wanted to be sure that I did not need you.” I smirk and remove my hands from his, playing with the buttons on his cassock flirtatiously. 

“If she only knew how much you need me…” I trail off, glancing up at him through my lashes. “We could always go to your room before I get Edwin…” I smiled and he let out a shaky breath when I leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“Get to my bedroom…now.” He growls and I smile wide at the victory. 

I run through the door to his chambers, stripping off clothing as I go and he chuckles, following closely behind me. When I arrive at his room, I have managed to remove every bit of clothing except for my knickers and bra which I know Severus will have no problem removing. I feel his body looming behind me when I stop at the side of his bed. His hands come up and run over my body, playfully grabbing my ass before running up and unclasping my bra, and taking the lacy fabric off of my body. 

I shivered when I felt his nose run lightly against my neck, inhaling my scent. “You smell delicious.” His deep baritone almost sent me to my knees with the anticipation of what is going to come next. 

To my surprise, I felt Severus shuffle behind me removing his clothing, minus his white undershirt…of course and I sighed. “I was hoping you would let me take off your clothes.” He chuckled at my disappointment and continued to ravish my body with kisses, paying close attention to the sweet spot on my neck. 

I moaned and leaned back into him, allowing him to trail his hands down to my knickers, running his fingers along the edge of the fabric for a second before finally roaming down to my mound. His middle and forefinger expertly stroked my outer lips and I whimpered. 

“Does my Little Star want my fingers?” I could tell he was smirking from his tone and I did not care in the slightest. He knew exactly what I want and I know exactly how to get it. 

“Yes sir.” I groaned and he gave in to my pleading voice, dipping his fingers into my dripping heat. 

“Mmmm, someone is very wet.” He mumbled into my neck, placing a gentle kiss on the spot that made my knees weak. 

“We were interrupted last time.” I whimpered, rocking my hips into his hand. His fingers felt amazing inside of me and I felt myself growing closer to my climax. I didn’t want to come this soon but my body desperately needed the release after being denied. 

“Right, you are darling…But I assure you, Merlin himself could not pull me from this room.” His voice was husky, I knew he was just as turned on as me and I was enjoying every second of it. 

I groaned when he continued his ministrations on the spongy spot inside me that made me see stars. “It’s not Merlin I’m worried about…” He chuckled darkly, pulling his fingers from me. 

Before I had the chance to whine, I was pushed onto the bed. My stomach bounced on the soft fabric of his duvet and I giggled. However, it died suddenly on my lips when he straddled my closed legs and thrust himself inside of me without warning. The position allowed me to feel him incredibly deep and I was climbing quickly to my peak already. 

“Severus!” I squealed in delight when he began to thrust at a brutal pace.  

My fingers gripped the duvet as he began a punishing pace. The sound of skin slapping against skin and Severus’ deep grunts echoed on the stone walls of the dungeon room and it was incredibly erotic. 

Far too soon my eyes began to roll into the back of my head as my orgasm ripped through me, lighting every nerve endings on fire. The duvet muffled my screams of pleasure and my knuckles turned white from the force of me gripping the fabric.

Severus slowed his pace when I came down from my high. I could feel him lean down to my ear, his white undershirt grazing against my back. 

“Are you alright my darling?” He chuckled darkly and I nodded quickly, my face smashing into the duvet. 

To my surprise, Severus pulled out of me and I whined at the loss of him, missing the feeling of his warm length in my quivering walls. 

“Don’t fret Little Star, just a change of position.” 

I felt him move to the top of the bed and plop down against the pillows. I turned my face to the side, raising an eyebrow at him. “What are you doing?” 

“Ride me.” His voice was commanding and it made me shiver. 

My body moved of its own accord, crawling across his legs until I was hovering over his length. We had never tried this position before and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. 

I hesitated for a second before sinking onto his hardness. He noticed my resistance and reached for the hand that was planted on his abdomen, stroking my knuckles softly to reassure me that I was safe with him. 

I took a deep breath and sank slowly, sighing when he filled me to the hilt. There was a twinge of pain there because of the depth. I winced and he reached up and stroked my cheek. 

“Slowly, Little Star.” 

I allowed myself a few moments to get used to how deep he was before I began to move, circling my hips and grinding down onto his hard cock. I planted my hands firmly on his clothed chest and began to ride him, bouncing up and down until I was rocking on the precipice of orgasm for the second time this evening. 

Severus gripped my hips to help guide my bouncing, his head pushed back into his green silk pillowcase, and his eyes trained on the point where our bodies connected. 

“Se-Severus…It feels too good...I’m so-so close.” I stuttered, my eyes screwed shut in pure ecstasy. 

Severus growled, pistoning his hips to meet mine, effectively driving me headlong into a toe-curling and brain-numbing climax. I felt his grip on my hips tighten and his hips stuttered as he met his release. 

I managed to open my eyes to see his face, he had a ridiculously sexy orgasm face. Teeth bared, eyes closed and head thrown back…I could come again just looking at him. 

After a few moments of coming down from the amazing high we had been soring on, it was time for him to remove my memories until Umbridge had the time to interrogate me. 

I threw my clothes on and ran to the dorms to get Edwin and bring him down to the dungeons where Severus explained everything to him and Edwin began to panic slightly…

“So you’re going to remove our memories?” Edwin asked and Severus rolled his eyes, growing tired of Edwin's questions. 

“Yes, Mr. Finley…I think I have just spent 20 minutes explaining that to you…” Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and I fumbled with my hands. 

“But how do I know you’re not going to see all of my embarrassing secrets?” Edwin’s eyes flitted nervously between me and Severus and I shrugged. 

“Edwin, do you think he cares about your run-in with the beautification potions in your mum's vanity…” Severus smirked at my comment and Edwin glared at me. 

“Rora!” He hissed “Do you not remember that he threatened to poison our fourth year to test antidotes? Or maybe the time he told Hermione that her teeth looked no different after she was jinxed? I know you love him but he doesn’t have a good track record of being kind…I don’t want him fiddling with my brain.” 

Severus stood from his desk and walked over to us, standing so he was directly in front of Edwin. “Finley, you mean a fair amount to my Little Star…” Edwin mimicked vomiting at the nickname but Severus ignored him and continued talking, “I give you my word that I will keep your brain intact…Well, as intact as it is under normal circumstances.” 

Edwin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, “Fine…But only because Umbridge is sadistic and I don’t want to be the one that spills any details to her.” 

Severus walked over to me, producing a small vile filled with a light blue liquid and handing it to me.

“What is this?” I asked, tilting the bottle to the side and examining the contents. 

“A weak sleeping draught…I will remove your memories while you sleep and you will wake with no memories of us or Potter’s club…Until I return them to you, of course.” He made sure to add that last bit so I wouldn't back out and I was grateful for the reassurance. 

“Okay…I’m ready.” I inhaled and uncorked the vile, bringing it up to my lips but pausing before taking a sip. 

“Severus?” 

“Yes, Little Star.” 

“I love you.” I downed the foul-tasting liquid in one gulp and my eyes immediately began to feel heavy. With the urge to sleep being too powerful, I succumbed to the tiredness and drifted off to darkness. 

An Hour Later

“Astrill…Astrill, wake up.” I stirred as my shoulder was shaken gently. 

I groan and lift my head slowly from the desk I had fallen asleep on, “Professor?” I ask, looking up at Professor Snape who was staring down at me. His dark eyes were piercing and his arms were now crossed over his chest. 

“You fell asleep Astrill…If you are going to be my assistant you need to keep yourself awake while you are grading parchment.” His voice was stern. 

I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, “I’m sorry Professor…It won’t happen again.” 

“See that it doesn’t…Now, go to bed. You are of no use to me half conscious.” 

“Yes, Professor.” I nodded, grabbing my things and scurrying quickly out of the Dungeons and to Gryffindor Tower.

[starsval]

request for Remus Lupin dating potter! reader. Maybe angsty after Halloween 1981?

i miss you, im sorry

remus lupin x potter!reader

summary: remus leaves when the war ends.

word count: 1k

warnings: mentions of scars, mentions of james' death, sad? idk

"you're just gonna leave?" remus eyes go to the scar on your face, made from the first war. much to your brother and boyfriend's displeasure.

not like it mattered anymore. one of them is gone and the other is leaving you right now. 

"i can't stay here, love, it's too much" he looks away, but he doesn't stand up yet, sinking in everything before he leaves your house forever. 

"you're not going to fight for harry? to keep him safe? you're not going to fight for sirius?" he closes his eyes when you mention his best friend, like you just stabbed him. 

"harry will be safe with petunia, away from the magic. and sirius is a traitor" he spits the last words, even after your efforts in trying to get him to believe that he's innocent. like you do. 

he says his name like it hurts. 

"remus" you sigh, trying to get him to look at you. "he's- he's your best friend, and you know that he'd never do that to james" 

this time you're the one who says someone's name like it hurts. not because you think he's a traitor, but because he's gone, he left without warning. your brother is dead and he will never come back. and with his death you also lost lily, sirius and harry. you don't even have your nephew to take care of. 

remus doesn't answer, instead, he just stares at a wall. 

"you're not gonna fight for me?" he looks at you, and presses his lips together. "i thought, that we'd go through this together" 

"i'm sorry" he closes his eyes. 

"you promised" although he can't see you, he can feel you walk closer to him. 

"i'm sorry"

"when this started, you said we'd go through this together, where did that go?" you're in front of him, but he doesn't open his eyes. 

"i don't know, i'm sorry" he whispers

"i- i know we weren't in the best moment of our relationship before this, but… i didn't think that'd matter"

he swears he doesn't mean to let it drop, but there's nothing he can do as he watches the cup break into pieces. 

"i thought you'd know better than that" he says, ignoring the glass on the floor. 

"better than what? i'm just supposed to stand back as everyone fights?" you can tell he's disappointed. 

"you could've stood with me" he turns around, not waiting for an answer. you can't do much but leave his old apartment. 

with an agreement that you're not talking. 

"it's not like that- i just, you bring me many memories. you remind me of your brother, of lily, of harry, and i can't deal with that" he cups your face in his hands "i'm sorry but i can't"

"you said forever and i almost bought it" this time you're the one who looks away. 

"i meant it"

"did you?" he let's go of your face. 

"i did" he almost swears it, but what's the point when he doesn't anymore. 

"do you remember? happy together?" you suddenly ask, trying to bring back your good memories. 

because maybe he'll regret doing this. 

"i do, don't you?" you talk again. and you think that he's going to agree but he just let's go of your face.

"i'm sorry" he looks like he's actually going to be sick when he stands up and leaves.

and you stay like that, staring at the door he just closed. alone in what feels like a haunted house. because everyone that used to live in it, is gone. 

except you.

    ᨳ      ׂ   𓈒  ⠀🌙 ㅤׂ  ✽    ੭

you were on your way home from petunias'. you tried to at least see harry. but there was no use.

it was already december, and after months of trying, you still hadn't seen your nephew. 

and you knew that it would be pointless. you know it's going to be pointless when you knock on the door of what used to be remus and sirius' house. 

remus opens it, not expecting you there. and he immediately closes it. 

ᨳ      ׂ   𓈒  ⠀🌙 ㅤׂ  ✽    ੭

you figured he hates you. that he'd want nothing to do with you. 

but instead he called. 

"remus?" you immediately call for him, trying with his name a few times, with no answer. 

"i- i thought you hated me? did something happen? is someone hurt?" he still doesn't answer, you can't hear anything. 

"are you making fun of me?" still no answer. 

"remus i have to-" you don't continue, because he says something.

"i miss you" he says, almost inaudible, but you caught it. 

he immediately hangs up. 

ᨳ      ׂ   𓈒  ⠀🌙 ㅤׂ  ✽    ੭

eventually you stop showing up at his house. while you wanted to fight for him, you were still mourning. so you just stopped trying. 

winter went by and spring was reaching it's end. 

maybe it was the breeze that lead remus to your door. 

neither of you talk, you just stare at him. and a minute passes when remus is finally able to meet your gaze. 

"i'm sorry" it's the first thing he says, and he's going to keep talking, but you stop him before he can. 

"that's not fair" you try to close the door, but he keeps it open. 

"i know, and i'm sorry, but i don't wanna go, think i'll make it worse. and everything i know brings me back to us" he's almost crying. 

"and i know that we've been here before, and i swear that i tried not to come here, i tried not to knock, but everywhere i go leads me back to you" he has come closer to you, and you let him. 

"remus-"

"i miss you, i'm sorry" he puts his forehead on yours. and you're both crying. 

"nothing happened in the way i wanted" you tell him, because it's true. you lost everything. 

"i know, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" he puts his arms around you. 

"every corner in this house is haunted" you confess. "and i know you said we weren't talking, but you don't know how hard i had to fight the urge to go to your house every single day" he holds you as you cry. "but i missed you" 

"i still love you, i promise" he kisses your head. 

and you stay like that until you both calm down. then you just get inside, and try to rebuild what you lost months ago. 

[gyustarzzi]

ateez as your best friend

☆𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠

helps you make spotify playlists, is always your go to fashion stylist, acts like your parent and makes sure you show up to school on time, will scold you for the smallest things, always goes to the cafe together, clumsy and so much fun, can't help but always make you smile, the therapeutic friend in your friend group, will drop everything and come to your house when your not feeling okay.

" What do you mean you don't like that song? We're still adding it to this playlist, trust me you'll love it one day! "

★𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚

boosts your confidence 24/7, your room is never dirty, will help you study for upcoming tests or subjects you don't understand, cooks for you when your sick, prioritizes you as his daughter, protects you from everyone, gets you a LOT of gifts on your birthday, if you guys go on a trip he'll bring all kinds of things just in case something goes wrong, always one step ahead.

" What's that? You need a pair of shorts for volleyball? One step ahead of you girlfriend "

☆𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐨

the best person to be around when you bored, is not afriad to do anything, DANCE COMPETITION, literally a golden retriever around you, can be a little intimidating around people he doesn't like because of his height, loves coming to your house, harry potter marathons at his house, probably will throw the most chaotic and wild party when you guys graudate.

" Oh, that's the girl that pushed you yesterday? " glares at her intensely

★𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠

probably your favorite friend since he's not loud and chaotic, not afriad to speak his mind to you or others, the one person you can talk to about your problems since he's brutally honest, hates when you tease him, lowkey likes you sinces your also down to earth, orders chicken at midnight for you and him to eat, flexes his muscles 24/7 to you, library buddy.

" You want my honest opinion? That outfit makes you look like your going to church, and we're going to yunho's party. No one is going to want you if you wear that "

☆𝐬𝐚𝐧

your 'bestie', very touchy with you, protective af, will tell other boys/girls that you and him are dating so no one steals you away from him, will cuddle you and make forts with you on rainy days, gives you plenty of plushies when you stay over the night, you guys probably give each other matching bracelets, matching phone cases and pfp's, get's in trouble for you.

" Oh you like that girl/boy over there? Sorry man, she's/he's already taken. By who? Me obviously "

★𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢

always get scared of things, loves when you ruffle his hair, GUMMY SMILES 24/7, will do things out of his comfort zone for you, the one person you can't spill tea to because he will automatically tell someone else, cheats in his tests, sneaks snacks in the school, rap battles, car rides with the radio blasting and the windows rolled down, takes you on vacation with him and the others, can help but find you cute because of your height

" Of course I can put a real rat in the teachers desk, what kind of person do you think I am?"

☆𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠

your loud af bestfriend, sneaks out of school with you, dolphin laugh 24/7, clingey with you, always forces you to go to parties with him, is the type of person to bring alcohol to anything, facetimes you anytime, sleepovers, plays baddie msuic to boost your confidence, already has a theme song for you, hangout's in the bathroom stall during classes you guys don't wanna go to, people literally wanna be your friends.

" C'mon y/n, let's break out of this bitch "

★𝐣𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨

is the star of the school, sings in competitions, back hugs you when he sees you, matching rings or bracelets, likes to get you cute things for special occasions, won't go to parties unless you or his hyungs are going, texts you during class, drives you home, little letters in your locker, takes ugly pictures of you, people find you guys cute together.

" Are you going to that party tonight? No, okay me neither "

[pockets-full-of-roses]

Love-Spiked Drink

brief summary: someone spiked the famous draco malfoy’s drink with a love potion, making him go absolutely feral for his internal crush on the boy who lived.

(i might make this a two part microfic but idk)

[drarry (draco malfoy x harry potter); mentions of spiking drinks, and flustered harry from draco’s suggestive flirting]

divider credits!!

stick around for the note at the bottom?

If anything, Harry James Potter shouldn’t be there at a party with a bunch of drunk seventh years. He should be in his dorm, laughing with his best friends.

But Ronald Weasley just had to go down there with Hermione Granger, something Harry couldn’t leave alone. So? There he was alone in the corner, swaying to the music with a half empty cup in his hands.

Everyone was invited to this Gryffindor party, including the Slytherins. The Slytherins were well-hated by the Gryffindors. That didn’t stop them from being there.

Draco Lucius Malfoy and his gang were there, to Harry’s surprise. They were only seen at the other houses’ parties, which (in Harry’s honest opinion) were a bit lame in comparison to Gryffindor’s.

It wasn’t fair that the beaming red lights hit his face so perfectly, outlining his already stunning features. He seemed to walk with such grace and poise, as if he were always balancing books on his head.

The red plastic cup in his hands contrasted with the silver rings that shimmered in the lights. All Harry wanted to do was see what those fingers really could...

Harry was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw someone lurking beside Draco. He squinted his eyes, realizing that the same person was pouring some pink liquid in the drink. Then, they fled the scene. Oh.. shit.

The bold (and slightly drunk) Gryffindor pushed through the crowd to warn his sworn enemy.

"Malfoy! Don't drink that!"

But it was far too late. The pale boy had already taken a sip, and promptly held his head in his hands. His friends glanced at him, patting his back soothingly. He waved them off, claiming to be okay.

By the time Harry had gotten there, Draco was bopping along to the music again. He pretended to be okay, but Harry could see through his deception. He nudged Draco, swaying to the beat of the song.

"Psst. Malfoy.."

Draco raised a brow, glancing over at Harry. "Potter? Go away, I don't need to speak to you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Someone spiked your drink with some pink liquid. I just saw."

"You're lying, aren't you? Is this some ploy to-"

"Just shut up and listen to me for once."

Malfoy stayed silent for a moment, looking down into his cup. He swirled it around, taking notice of the change in color and mass.

"Shit," the boy cursed under his breath, bringing the cup to his lips again to see what it was.

"Never thought I'd see the day where Malfoy curses in front of me."

Harry smirked, looking down at Draco with a hidden concerned expression. Draco took another sip, really tasting it this time.

His gaze met Harry's, and for a moment, he could've sworn it softened. Draco was all over him in an instant, almost kissing him.

Harry immediately pulled away, his ears burning in embarrassment. He hissed in protest, "What are you playing at, Malfoy? Did they drug you or something? Are you drunk?"

Malfoy smiled at him, shaking his head. "Oh, I'd never be like this if I was drunk. Let's go somewhere private, Harry."

Potter's eyes widened. He glanced around, taking the drugged boy by his hands to the top of the steps. Music faintly played while Draco looked at Harry like he was the best thing he'd ever laid his eyes on.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Draco asked, a dreamy look in his eyes.

His gaze swept over Harry, taking in every feature. Malfoy leaned in again, trying to steal a kiss. Harry Potter quickly dodged it, laughing sheepishly.

"Hey.. woah there buddy.."

Draco smiled again, something Harry didn't know could be so beautiful. "You're handsome. Can I kiss you?"

Harry's face flushed, and he went entirely flustered. "E-excuse me?!"

"Is that a yes? Or do you want a date first?"

Draco Malfoy seemed so willing, for someone who acted painfully straight a couple moments before. He wrapped his arms around the tall boy in front of him, smirking up at him. The look in his eyes was purely love, staring right into Harry's.

"N..no.. No.. Listen, Malfoy, you're drunk. Let's get you back to your dorm, alright?" Harry tried to reason, even if he wanted that kiss and date so badly.

He put Draco's arm over his shoulders, taking the simpering boy to his dorm. It was a long walk, especially with Draco constantly complimenting Harry or trying to sneak a kiss. Harry's face only got hotter and hotter by each word that came out of the pale boy's mouth. Harry simply couldn't get over it.

What was wrong with him?

Finally, they reached the Slytherin painting. "Hey, Malfoy. What's the password?"

"Pureblooded wizardry."

The painting slid open, allowing the Gryffindor to carry Draco in.

"Has anyone told you how hot you are?"

Harry stopped in his tracks, knees buckling. "I'm afraid not, Malfoy."

"Why do you even call me that?"

"What?"

"Malfoy," Draco answered, pulling Harry to his dorm.

"I.. I don't know. Do you want me to call you-"

"I want you to call me yours. But Draco is a good start too."

Harry was baffled. Now he was standing in the middle of this boy's room, jaw dropped all the way to the floor. Draco Malfoy smirked up at him, leaning close like he had done before.

"I never thought I'd see you here in my room. Though I prefer you.. without less items we'll say."

His face got even more flustered now. Harry pushed Draco into his bed, pulling the covers over him, and closing the bed curtains.

"Just go to sleep, idiot."

He heard Draco laugh from the curtains, then some soft snoring. He sighed tiredly. His feelings were even worse than before. Now he was falling harder than ever.

One question didn't leave his mind for the rest of the night; What was put in Draco Lucius Malfoy's drink?

Harry James Potter didn’t leave Draco Lucius Malfoy’s dorm until his dorm mates got back, which wasn’t till the next morning. They seemed shocked that he had stayed there for so long, sending him away with a screech.

Everyone that went to the party was facing a horrible hangover. Meanwhile, Harry was peacefully dozing in his bed. Ron was throwing up his guts, coughing and hacking up.

The sleeping boy’s thoughts shifted to Draco, wondering how he was doing. Waking up to the sound of pounding and screaming of his name, Harry pulled his bed curtains.

What the bloody hell was going on? It sounded like.. Draco..

Why was Draco there?

roses’ author note: hello lovelies!! i’m so sorry this was so late n long. as i said in another post, i was very busy these couple weeks. i will start queuing my posts, ensuring at least three more this month. thanks for giving my other works btw<33 i love y’all so much

(btw, if you see @betterblegulusrack following you back, it’s my main blog)

all writing by pockets full of roses. please do not repost without permission. likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!