#I had to buy the volumes myself with my money | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

room-surprise · 4 months ago

Text

New Ryoko Kui interview dropped!!!

(This is a quick and dirty translation made using machine translation, and which I've lightly edited to add clarity. I'm not fluent in Japanese so I may have gotten things wrong. I'm sure others will do a better job later.

ADDITIONAL CONTEXT: This article is from a Japanese gaming magazine, like the previous interview in Famitsu, so they focus on video games and don't discuss other influences, even though they do get mentioned and are clearly pretty major.)

Kui was able to write "Dungeon Meshi" because she was not good at eating food and participating in human relationships. In this interview, we dig deeper into the influence of games, and how Ryoko Kui focuses on things she likes and dislikes while writing. [Writers of the Gaming Generation]

Dungeon Meshi.

This manga is attractive for its unique theme of "dungeons, defeating monsters in the labyrinth, and cooking them," as well as the unique characters, detailed human relationships, and deep worldview depicted in the labyrinth. It is currently being made into an anime, and adventurers from all over the world are fascinated by the world of "Dungeon Meshi."

So I thought , "I wonder if this work was drawn by someone who loves food and people." The depiction of such delicious-looking food and the construction of delicate human relationships and characters. Surely, it must have been drawn by someone who absolutely loves it.

However, in reality, the author, Kui Ryoko, says that she "is not good at either food or relationships."

So why was he able to continue drawing things she was not good at?

During the roughly 10 years of serialization, Kui has continued to confront "things she dislikes." This interview delves into Kui's unique creative techniques... and at the same time, it also delves into her "favorite things."

That's the "game"!

Those who are familiar with the subject may already know this, but Kui is also a big gamer. And it seems that "Dungeon Meshi" is heavily influenced by RPGs such as "Wizardry."

As a result, this interview turned out to be "I asked Kui a lot about her likes and dislikes." Likes and dislikes. They are the source of all interests and curiosity.

So how do we use this knowledge in our creative endeavors? How does this knowledge manifest itself in Dungeon Meshi?

How were those charming characters and the deep world created? We spoke to the original author, Kui Ryoko, and the editor, Masaru Hiroi, about things they could only talk about after the series was completed.

This is a game with the volume of a great labyrinth. I hope you will explore it all the way to the final floor!

Dungeon food. It's eat or be eaten. There is no superior or inferior, to eat food is simply a privilege of the living. Dungeon food. Ah, dungeon food.

First, I want to ask about how Kui first encountered video games.

--What are some influences from games in Dungeon Meshi? What was your first game, Ms. Kui?

Ryoko Kui (hereinafter referred to as Kui): I played traditional RPGs such as [blank?] and "Final Fantasy."

I think the first game console I ever played was a Famicom, which my parents won in a lottery . So before I knew it, we had a Famicom at home. I think my parents bought me the Super Famicom and PS1 after that...

After that, I took a break from games for a bit around the time of the PS2, but around the time of the PS4, I was finally able to buy games with the money I had earned myself .

--Why were you able to stay away from games around the time of the PS2?

Kui: I was too busy with exams, so I thought, "Well, I shouldn't be playing games," and left. When I started living alone after that, I couldn't play games because I didn't have a TV. My computer was also a Mac. [Macs aren't compatible with many games.]

--What was the trigger that made you think, "I want to play games" again?

Kui: I think the biggest thing was starting the serialization of "Dungeon Meshi."

Fantasy stories all have different settings, but at the same time, there are also things they share in common. For example, if you want to create a fantasy work, but you only know "Dragon Quest," it will end up resembling "Dragon Quest." It's scary to copy the setting of only one work.

So I just wanted to play a ton of different fantasy games and get an idea of what the most common general understanding of fantasy is.

--Did you start playing it while you were still developing the concept for Dungeon Meal?

Kui: That's right. If I'm going to talk about "eating food," I have to play a game that has a system for eating food .

So I was interested in "Dungeon Master." However, at the time there was no easy way to play "Dungeon Master" on a real machine, so I played "Legend of Grimrock", which can also be played on a Mac.

["Dungeon Master," is a computer RPG released in 1987. Time passes each time you take an action in the dungeon, such as moving, fighting, or resting, so its biggest feature is that the game progresses in real time according to the player's actions. "Legend of Grimrock," is an action RPG released in 2012. It has a game design similar to "Dungeon Master."]

Until then, I had felt that overseas games and games played on PC were too difficult, but I felt like I had overcome one obstacle there. I thought, "Oh, this is pretty easy," and started playing a lot of different games.

-- Those two games are quite heavy even among RPGs, I think, so did you actually have that much difficulty with them?

Kui: No...I would say that my impression is more that best-selling games are easy to play (laughs).

I'm not that good at games myself, so I usually play games that allow you to adjust the difficulty on a super easy setting. So, games that allow you to lower the difficulty are always a lifesaver.

-- I've heard that apart from RPGs , you also like games such as "13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim" and "Paranomasite FILE23: The Seven Mysteries of Honjo ." Do you have a favorite genre, Mr. Kui?

Kui: I guess I'm just not very good at games that require you to use your brain through trial and error.

But in RPGs, if you just level up and keep tapping, you can win and progress in the game. Also, in novel-type games, if you read the text, you can progress. By this process of elimination, I quite like RPGs and text-based games .

Personally, I like games like Disco Elysium the most, which are text-heavy, top-down, and have maps to explore.

...Even I think that's a pretty negative reason (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Hiroi Masaru (hereinafter referred to as Hiroi): But, Ms. Kui, you have really played quite a lot of games, haven't you?

Kui: No, the reason I'm able to play so much is because I play in a pretty callous way ...

I often buy a game, play it, and then just don't play it. So there aren't that many games I complete... I only complete a few a year. I play around 40 games, and if I complete 5 or 6, that's good.

When I asked if I could draw at Comitia, I got scolded.

-- Have you had any exposure to fantasy outside of digital RPGs?

Kui: I think it's not just games, but also the fact that I've always loved foreign fantasy novels . I was given books like "The Neverending Story," "The Lord of the Rings," and "The Chronicles of Narnia."

-- Dungeon Meshi gives off an atmosphere of Western fantasy like gamebooks or tabletop RPGs, rather than the typical Japanese fantasy games like Dragon Quest.

Hiroi: I think I went to Kui's house before the series started. At that time, we were discussing the name of a sci-fi manga called "Drawing Inside the Brain," which I had rejected many times.

Ms. Kui said she wanted to serialize this sci-fi manga... and when he was on the fourth draft, he said, "No, this isn't going to work," and when I looked at the scribbled notes next to her desk, she had already drawn the original version of "Dungeon Meshi" ! (laughs)

Kui: ……………No, I don't remember much (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: But I had wanted to draw a manga about exploring a dark dungeon, like Wizardry .

Since I was in elementary school, the manga I drew in pencil in my notebooks were all fantasy stories about swords and magic, so I had always wanted to draw a proper fantasy manga. However, there weren't as many fantasy manga in bookstores at the time as there are now, so I wondered, "Maybe fantasy doesn't sell."

Hiroi: At the time, there were a lot of people in their teens and twenties posting fantasy illustrations on online communities for artists, such as pixiv, and Kui was one of them.

I thought, there are so many people who want to write fantasy, so if she writes a fantasy aimed at this generation, it might sell.

And when I saw Kui's notes, I thought to myself, "Let's make a straight-forward fantasy manga, without making it weirdly twisted."

Kui: I originally thought of making this "dungeon exploration manga" as just a hobby... When I asked Hiroi if I could draw it at Comitia first, he got angry.

[Comitia is a comics convention in Japan for original self-published comics.]

Everyone: (laughs).

Hiroi: I said, "If you're going to draw at Comitia, then make sure you draw it as a proper serialization!" (laughs)

However, at that time, Kui had already published two collections of short stories, and they were being reprinted. In other words, she had a certain number of fans even before the serialization began.

So I decided, if Kui creates a pure fantasy for those fans, we can't fail badly. If it doesn't work, we'll just learn that fantasy is difficult to sell after all.

--By the way, were there any discussions between you and Ms. Kui about the fact that fantasy doesn't sell?

Kui: I remember vaguely talking about how fantasy manga doesn't sell well and how difficult it seems. I don't know much about light novels, so that might have been there for a while.

However, since a lot of fantasy manga were coming out around the same time, it was probably a "transitional period ." Maybe it was just when people started to feel more and more like they wanted to draw and read fantasy.

Not everyone is that interested in the things I like

-- I feel that "Dungeon Meshi" is a title that has breathed new life into the fantasy genre. How did you go about creating the setting and world when dealing with fantasy?

Kui: I try to think, "Not everyone is that interested in the things I like."

I like to think about pointless settings endlessly, but there are times when I think , "When this setting is actually made into a manga, people probably won't be interested in this story." So I try to include things that will make people interested, and cut out things that will distract people as much as possible.

For example, in "Dungeon Meshi" I initially wanted everyone to speak various languages. On top of that, I wanted to make the characters "only able to communicate with each other in one language"... but Mr. Hiroi said "Don't do that" (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: Even when I'm drawing it myself, I think, "It takes more than six panels to explain this setting...", and if I explain the setting more than necessary, it slows down the pace of the story.

Moreover, since "Dungeon Meshi" was a monthly serialization, unlike a weekly series, there wasn't much time for extraneous stories. Specifically, I had to draw one episode of about 30 pages per month.

In that case, there was no time to add in settings like "Actually, he was thinking about this behind the scenes" or "Actually, he can speak two languages." So, rather than there being any clear choices, there were quite a few times when "there was no time to do things normally." If it had been a weekly serialization, I might have included more.

--Does the scene where Chilchuck yells insults in his own language feel rather "forced"?

Kui: That's right (laughs).I thought, this only takes one frame...it's my chance [to include information about language]!

--So you haven't thought through all of these "fictional languages" yet?

Kui: If Dungeon Meshi were to be my life's work and I were to spend my whole life creating this world, I think it would be more fun to think about it...but initially, I thought that Dungeon Meshi would end in a few years.

Hiroi: Initially, I said, "It'd be nice if it continued for about five volumes" (laughs).

However, Kui's first draft really had a lot of material... so the editors cut out a lot of it. I understand that it's the parts the readers want to read, but I cut out the parts that deviate from the main story. So it's a battle between the "author who doesn't want to be cut" and the "editor who wants to cut."

--By the way, what kind of discussion took place between the "parts you want to cut" and the "parts you don't want to cut"?

Kui: There were a lot of them every time, but I can't remember them specifically now...it was just small, unimportant details that got cut.

In the scene where the hams made by the Red Dragon go back into the pool of blood, I remember saying, "You don't need these," and they were about to cut them off, but I remember desperately stopping them by saying, "We'll need them later!" I'm glad they weren't cut off.

But once I think of the setting, I want to include things, and then they get cut out, so at first I didn't want to expand the world too much.

I also wanted to complete the story within the dungeon. I didn't want to reveal the name of the country, and I didn't want to give the characters surnames. But in the second half, Hiroi-san told me, "The world is too small, so you should make it bigger," and I was like, "Are you sure?"

--Mr. Hiroi, why did you say that?

Hiroi: As the story progressed, it became clear that "Dungeon Meshi" was no longer just about saving a sister in a dungeon. So I decided that it would be unconvincing if the story had no involvement with the outside world, since what was happening in the dungeon was something that would affect the fate of the whole world.

For example, in real life companies, the more important a decision you make, the higher your superior's rank becomes, right? When I thought about it that way, I felt something was off about the idea of Laios and his friends deciding the fate of the world on their own. "How can they make that decision without anyone knowing about it?"

The fact that the Canary Team was there meant that there must have been a system of reporting, contacting, and consulting here, because that's how "society" and "organizations" work.

In short, I think we were thinking about the situation and asking, "If an organization were to get involved in saving the world, how persuasive could they make it given the society that exists in the story?"

Kui: Well, the plot hasn't changed at all.

From the beginning, I had intended to write a story about saving the world, but I also thought it was possible for the world to be saved by only a select few people in the dungeon who knew the circumstances. Changing it was what Hiroi-san thought would make it more persuasive.

When I was drawing the first half, Hiroi told me, "You don't have to decide anything yet." I was in a hurry to move the story forward and explain the world and story setting, but he told me, "It's better to limit it to introducing the four main characters until about the fourth volume." But in the second half, he said, "Introduce more people and expand the world."

Everyone: (laughs).

Hiroi: Kui-san was like , "That's not what you said originally!" (laughs) But both had meaning...

Kui: I was the one saying, "If we expand the world there, the story will never end, right...?"

After drawing it through to the end, I realized that the balance between holding back and expanding didn't work the way I had expected. I think this is one of the reasons why the serialization of "Dungeon Meshi" took so long.

-- But there are a lot of characters in "Dungeon Meshi," and the relationships between them are complicated. I heard that you also created the relationship diagram for "Taikaishu" [※3] ...

Kui: No, I haven't made one [I didn't do that?]!

[Taikaishu is a full-color web comic by Funako Tsukasa that began serialization on a website in 2005 and is still ongoing. Its unique worldview has earned it a loyal fanbase, especially on the Internet.]

-- Eh? Is that not the case?

Kui: To be precise, I just created an account on the fan wiki.

When I started reading "Taikaishu," I struggled with the complex setting and the large number of characters...and I thought "it would be easier to read if there was an explanation or a list of characters."

So I searched for a bulletin board where readers were sharing their thoughts and asked if there was a summary, but they said there wasn't. So I thought, "Maybe if there was a place where someone with more knowledge could summarize it," and I just made a wiki account.

So I didn't actually edit it. It seems like I've been given credit for someone else's work, and I'm sorry about that...

Dungeon Meshi was created from a sense of guilt about food?

-- "Dungeon Meshi" started off with the catchy theme of "cooking monsters," but little by little the darker aspects and deeper world were revealed. Was the structure of "little by little revealing the darker side" something you had in mind from the beginning?

Kui: I thought I needed a theme to serialize it so I thought I'd try "food education." There were a lot of gourmet manga at the time, but I felt like there weren't many that focused on food education.

-- Considering that the theme is "food education," it makes sense that the nutritional value of the dishes in the story is clearly written down.

Kui: With the theme of "food education," I also thought up a rough outline of the story. Rescue the kidnapped princess, defeat the evil wizard, defeat the final boss, and become king... the framework is pretty simple.

But when I actually tried to proceed with the plan, I realized, "No, this story can't be done so lightly..." At first, I thought I could draw it in a more light-hearted manner.

Hiroi: At first, you were trying to finish the fight against the Red Dragon in one episode, right? I was like, "is that possible?" (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: When I tried to actually tell it in one episode, it ended up feeling like a very brief summary... In order to tell the story I wanted to tell, I had to tell it more thoroughly than I originally thought.

-- Did you have any special thoughts about the theme of "food"?

Kui: No... well... if I had to choose, I'd say I have a strong grudge against food.

Since I was a child, I was a very picky eater, and mealtimes were a pain for me. I hated eating in front of other people, and there was a time when I hated seeing other people eating, so I would look for toilets that were rarely used and eat my meals in the toilet.

When I was doing it, the word "toilet meal" didn't exist, so when the term actually appeared in society I was so happy, thinking "everyone was doing it!"

[Toilet Meals are a social phenomenon in Japan.]

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: I was thinking, "This is so terrible, right...?" but it was a relief to realize that other people were doing the same thing.

--So what made you choose the theme of "food education"?

Kui: My parents, who were struggling with my picky eating, taught me many things, including the "triple eating" method, but it was no use and I continued to be a picky eater into adulthood. My parents had instilled knowledge about food education in me, but I was not able to put it into practice.

[Kui might be talking about Triangular Eating but I'm not sure.]

So the only thing that remains is that I feel an enormous amount of guilt when it comes to food and eating...

Hiroi: If you think about it objectively, the series starts off on a very negative note.

Kui: But now I've gotten over the habit of eating with other people... or rather, I've come to like it. My editor takes me to lots of delicious places.

--When I was a student, I was trying to leave my udon bowl at school, but my teacher found out and made me eat the packet of udon by myself. There was no soup, and it was really hard to eat the udon by itself.

Kui: It must be tough. I tried to hide it, but my teacher found out and I got really angry.

Hiroi: I've tried to hide it in a drawer before. Then, something dried up came out of the drawer... (laughs bitterly).

How can I draw things I hate?

-- Or rather, is it the fact that you're not good at it that gives you a higher level of insight into the food?

Kui: I think it's because you're interested in it that you either like it or dislike it. Inevitably, you spend a lot of time thinking about it.

Since "Dungeon Meshi" depicts a lot of food, one might think "Do I like eating?", but in fact there are many times when I draw it because I dislike something .

--Aside from food, do you also draw things that you dislike?

Kui: Maybe. For example, human relationships, modern times, fashion...?

-- Perhaps the relationships between the characters in "Dungeon Food" are portrayed so delicately because the author is not good at dealing with human relationships?

Kui: I've always been very curious about things like, "(This person is usually so cold, but has such a charming smile in front of other people)" ...

I feel the same way, but I think people are different in the way they show their true colors. I think it's strange that it stands out to me...

-- I have a simple question. When you draw something you hate, how do you feel? No matter how much you hate something, do you find it fun to draw it?

Kui: The events in the manga don't directly involve me, so I don't dislike the things I'm drawing as much. Also, when I draw while looking for the good parts, it can lead to new discoveries.

Also, I think it's scary to draw only what I like.

In my work, the important thing is "what to capture with the camera," and there's no need to go out of your way to capture filthy things, but at the same time, I think the world will look bigger if you keep in mind that "there are a lot of inconvenient, dirty, and unpleasant things outside the camera." That's the feeling I have when I paint/create manga.

When playing a game, if I have to choose between a game where I only feel like I'm in the world inside the game screen, and a game where I feel like there are lots of people living on the other side of the screen, and that the people in that world could travel anywhere they wanted, I think the latter is more fun to play.

I'm always thinking about how to express that "sense of the vastness of the world" ...and I personally like games that have "a world" to them.

-- Do you ever incorporate elements from the game into your manga?

Kui: On the contrary, I think that is a part that cannot be adopted .

The best thing about games is that each person has a different experience. Games that have lots of endings are also a result screen for what you've done up until that point. When I see something like that, I think, "That's so cool."

Personally, I think that's the game's greatest appeal, and something that could never be replicated in a manga that doesn't have players.

If you're so busy, when do you play games?

-- I'm personally curious, how do you find the time to play games? Even though you're busy with your work as a manga artist, you play quite a lot of games.

Kui: I often use the Steam Deck before going to bed or during breaks between writing manuscripts. In fact, I almost only use the Steam Deck now. I keep it by my pillow, so I can take it and play before going to sleep, or during breaks...

--Is Steam Deck really that convenient?

Kui: I recommend it. The screen is small, but it can run Cyberpunk 2077 .

Also, personally, I've gotten tired of having to turn on my PC to start up a game...with Steam Deck, I can just turn it on and it starts up instantly, even when I'm lying down. How do you writers usually play games? There are times when you have to play games for work, aren't there?

--When it comes to work, I calculate backwards how long I'll be playing before I start playing...If it's a game that can be completed in about 60 hours, I usually estimate that I'll play for 3 hours a day and complete it for 20 days in a row.

Hiroi: It's a lot of work!

Kui: That's amazing... You really are a gamer.

I've always thought that I have a talent for playing games ... but I'm not really good at that. If I'm given a game that's a little difficult, I get tired of it right away, and I'm not very good at trial and error. The range of things I can enjoy is very narrow.

I wonder if game developers around the world are also struggling with the question of "Should I make my games accessible to a wide range of people, even those who aren't particularly gamers?" or "Should I make games that are challenging and can be played deeply?" The same problem exists with manga, too.

When there's a game that I can't play well, I feel happy because it means the creator decided that there's no need to pander to people who can't keep up.

-- By the way, when you play games, do you do it as a normal "hobby"? Or do you play more often to find material for your manga?

Kui: Of course, a big part of it is that I play games as a hobby, but it is alleviated by the fact that playing games might be useful for my work (laughs).

Even if I'm not that interested in a game, if I think "it might be useful for work," I'll find the courage to buy it, and no matter how expensive a gaming PC is, I can still buy it if I think of it as a work tool. So the hurdles for many things related to games are lowered for the reason that it's "for work."

--So, when you read manga, do you feel like you're reading it for work?

Kui: In my case, manga has become my job, so when I read it I can't help but think of work.

However, I still enjoy gaming as a hobby . That's why I don't want to lose this hobby... and I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it as much if I get involved in games as a job, so I don't take on any games-related jobs.

Does the depth of the world come from the fact that it is "not decided"?

-- I heard in advance that "Dungeon Meshi" was written with a clear awareness of "what should be explained" and "what shouldn't be explained," so could you tell me more about that?

Kui: Having read a variety of fantasy novels and games, I thought that the "moment of discouragement" was the "repeated use of foreign words." When you write something like "XX of XX of XX," if there are three or more katakana characters, there is a high chance that it will be skipped over by Japanese readers.

That's why I try to refer to town names as "the neighboring town" whenever possible, and refer to characters who appear in flashbacks as "uncle" rather than by their full names, so that readers can understand without having needing exposition.

The magic used during battles in "Dungeon Meshi" is depicted in such a way that you can "understand what kind of magic it is just by looking at the picture."

-- What other aspects of Dungeon Meshi are there that you deliberately left out of its concrete settings?

Kui: Numbers and language are the settings I avoided touching. For example, just by deciding the month of birth, it is first determined that there is a moon in this world. From there, it is also determined that there is gravity.

What's more, just the concept of a "birthday" means that there is a division into a "year" and that the world is determined to have a 365-day cycle. It quickly becomes complicated.

But on the other hand, if I were to set the details and make it something like "This country's currency is 1 gold, which is worth 5 yen," it would be a burden on the reader. When reading the work, the reader would be forced to convert it into "1 gold = 5 yen" in their minds every time. That's why I try to write it with "readability as a priority" as much as possible.

However, if you're creating a "fantasy" in the truest sense of the word, it would be better to create something that corresponds to that world's calendar or metric system in order to really immerse yourself in that world, so it's difficult to get the balance right...

-- I think that style of "deliberately not giving explanations" is quite amazing.

Hiroi: I think that 's definitely partly because "Dungeon Meshi" is a silly title.

The "mindset" of the reader is a little different...I think that from the very beginning, the reader is made to recognize that "this work isn't going to say anything too difficult."

Kui: Also, we had to give a bit of thought to coming up with the character names.

For example, the main characters in Wizardry are given names that correspond to their professions, such as "Warrior" or "Wizard." The "Senshi" in Dungeon Meshi was taken from that ... I named him after thinking, "I want that person to play an active role."

That's why I wanted the overseas version of Senshi's name to be "Fighter", but I was worried that overseas readers would be like, "What does that mean...!?" so I kept it in my head.

--The character names in "Dungeon Meshi" tend to be around 3 or 4 letters long and fit nicely.

Kui: If the name gets too long, it won't fit in the speech bubble...It's generally said that a line in a speech bubble should be about 7 to 8 characters long to be easy to read.

So "Chillchuck" is really long... I actually thought that the abbreviation "Chill" could be used more, so I named it that way, but it didn't work out so well, so in the end I just kept calling it "Chillchuck". Even I was thinking "that's long" while drawing it (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: Anyway, there are quite a few manga-like circumstances where "maybe four characters would be enough."

--By the way, are there any rules for naming the characters in "Dungeon Meshi"?

Kui: It's not detailed, but there are "settings within the story" and "meta-settings that are just for my own enjoyment."

For example, [if Dungeon Meshi was a game] the Shuro party has names that would be given by a certain type of player. When playing a games, some people give their characters themed names that follow self-imposed rules. In that sense, meta-wise, the Shuro party is played by a player who names their characters with a plant-based restriction.

Also, since the player likes girls, the party members are all girls, and so on... (laughs).

Hiroi: Oh, I didn't know that!

Kuon: ...While it's fun for myself, I also create characters by asking questions like, "Why is the party mainly made up of women?" or "Why do they all have similar names?"

However, even if I revealed these settings in the story, it wouldn't have made the story any more interesting, so they are merely "settings that only exist in my own mind."

-- What are some specific examples of "settings that you deliberately didn't reveal"?

Hiroi: I still remember when I said, "I want you to depict the elven kingdom in more detail," Kui replied, "That's going too far."

The dwarven country was depicted quite a bit, so I personally thought it could have been shown a little more...

Kui: I felt that if I depicted that, it would limit the reader's imagination.

There are definitely "lines that suggest something might happen," and when it comes to parts that are better left to the reader's imagination, I often choose not to draw them.

Also, even when we present settings that readers think they can just skim through, they often try hard to remember them...

It all started with the manga "Eating soba through your nose."

--Let's go back to the topic a little. How did Ms. Kui and Mr. Hiroi meet?

Hiroi: I think we scouted her.

I saw a short story that Kui had posted on Pixiv and sent him an email asking if I would like to draw a manga. I remember that he had a really funny four-frame manga called "Eating soba noodles through your nose ." It was about a character eating soba noodles through his nose and crying out in pain... I think I was drawn to his drawing ability, which made me feel like "Wow, that looks painful" when I saw it (laughs).

And from that point on, we have come to this point.

[This may not be the exact comic that Hiroi is talking about, but it's a comic Kui posted on her blog about someone eating soba through their nose.]

Kui: Oh, is that so? Isn't it something like "Shugaku Tenshi" [※4] ?

Hiroi: No, that's not true! The manga about eating soba noodles through the nose was made before "Shingaku Tenshi". By the way, that manga was planned to be published in "Rakugakihon" , but when I asked Kui-san "Can I publish this?", she was very against it...

Kui: No, that's fine, but... I didn't think other people would find it that interesting.

Everyone: (laughs).

Hiroi: But that was more than 10 years ago...

--By the way, was Mr. Hiroi the first publisher to contact you?

Kui: Before that, an editor at East Press had contacted me. I was originally publishing fantasy manga that I had drawn as a hobby on my personal website. I compiled them into a self-published original comic and exhibited it at Comitia, and they asked me, "Would you like to publish this long manga as a book?"

However, after the editor asked around to various people, it seems he was told that "this will be hard to sell"... so the plan was dropped. Instead, it was decided to release a "short story collection" of short manga that had been published at the same time . This is "The Dragon's School is on the Mountain: A Collection of Works by Ryoko Kui" published by East Press.

I was contacted by a few other people as well, but the two people I still keep in contact with are Mr. Hiroi and the editor at East Press.

-- When you went from drawing short stories and web comics to starting a commercial serialization, did you study anything like "how to draw a serialized work"?

Kui: I learned almost everything about how to draw manga from Mr. Hiroi and the editors and writers at Harta .

I had absolutely no understanding of whether panel layout was good or bad, so up until the middle of the serialization, I would rearrange the storyboards one panel at a time, and I would get lectured like "Don't put a panel like this here."

I was also impressed when I was shown original manuscripts by other artists. They look beautiful in print, but the real thing is even more impressive. This is what it means to be good at drawing manga.

It didn't finish as I expected

-- Speaking of "serialization," you mentioned earlier that you initially intended to end it at about volume 5. Did "Dungeon Meshi" continue longer than you had anticipated, Ms. Kui?

Kui: First of all, I didn't really understand what a "serialized" comic meant, so I didn't even know how much of a story I could get done in how many pages. So, I thought I could wrap up the story nicely in about five years, in five volumes.

But I never quite got around to finishing it. It was so hard... (laughs).

Hiroi: To be honest, when I first heard "Volume 5,"I thought to myself, "(Are you kidding me...?)" I didn't say it out loud though (laughs).

--Honestly, even as a reader, around the time of the fight with the Red Dragon in volumes 4 and 5 I was starting to feel like, "Huh? It seems like it's coming to an end soon..."

Kui: From the beginning, my goal was to "defeat the Red Dragon at the halfway point." However, I was supposed to fight the Red Dragon in Volume 4, even though it was supposed to be 5 volumes. So I thought, "Huh? It's not over yet," and I gradually lost interest.

By the time I got to around volume 10, I felt like no matter how much I drew, it would never end. I didn't want to drag it out, but no matter how much I drew, it just never seemed to finish.

Hiroi: Even from an editor's perspective, it seemed like Kui was getting very anxious from around volume 10 onwards.

-- Having finished the long-running serialization of "Dungeon Meshi," did you experience any changes in your mindset?

Kui: I think it was great to have the experience of learning that it would take 10 years to draw a story of this scale. And when I think about my lifespan and how many more works I can draw... it makes me dizzy.

Hiroi: I feel like I'm constantly fainting...

-- Ms. Kui, are there still any works you want to draw in your mind?

Kui: Not that much. But I love drawing manga, so I want to draw a lot. I don't know if I'll have the stamina to continue for another 10 volumes, but I want to continue working as a manga artist somehow.

But maybe... I don't think it will sell that well next time...

Hiroi: Stop! Don't say that!

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: In that respect, "Dungeon Meshi" sold well, so I was able to draw what I had imagined to the end. Next time, I think it would be better to consider the opposite scenario of "if it doesn't sell" and make it shorter.

That's the next new challenge.

-- In addition to the expectations for your next work, do you feel any pressure?

Kui: In my case, the first collection of short stories I published was fairly well received. For a manga I drew for the first time, that's about it.

That was a relief, but at the same time, I felt that "Ideally, the reputation of my next work will also steadily increase, but there will definitely be ups and downs." If the reputation of the next work is bad, will I be able to continue drawing without getting discouraged? I realized that the "battle with myself" had just begun , and I was terrified when I read the first volume.

What game has cute illustrations, in your opinion?

Kui: This is a completely different topic, but you 've played SaGa Frontier 2 , haven't you? Aren't the pixel art in SaGa Frontier 2 really cute?

--The pixel art in SaGa Frontier 2 is...the best!

Kui: The illustrations in "SaGa Frontier 2" have such exquisite balance... if you try to express that in a picture, you can't reproduce that cuteness. It's like "exquisite head-to-body ratio."

-- In your opinion, Ms. Kui, are there any games that have cute illustrations?

Kui: The first one that comes to mind is definitely SaGa Frontier 2. Also, I still remember how cute the character designs were in Final Fantasy Tactics.

But back in the day, I used to trace characters from FF7 . I thought, "There are so many cool designs in the world..." (laughs).

Hiroi: Nomura (Tetsuya)'s drawings are amazing, aren't they?

Kui: I traced Cloud and Aerith on tracing paper and quietly said to myself, "So cool..." and got really excited. I noticed something while I was working on the "Dungeon Meshi" anime...basically, games and anime are made by many people, aren't they? So I always thought, "Many people must be giving various opinions to make them."

But when I got involved, I realized that one person's power is quite large. This was quite surprising. I thought that there were multiple people who wrote the script and storyboards, and that each person had their own responsibility, but... the power of one person is quite large.

──No matter how much the work is divided up, it's important to have a director or supervisor who brings it all together.

Kui: Yes, in the end, it depends on the power of the person who takes the lead ...

However, at the same time, I think that the division of labor between scriptwriting and storyboarding is something that would never be possible with manga. In the end, you have to create everything in one person's mind, so "bias" inevitably arises. So personally, I don't like the idea of it becoming a "world created in one person's mind."

Hiroi: However, not only in manga but also in novels, the individual author's personality is strongly expressed. I wouldn't go so far as to say "ideology"... but the person's way of thinking is strongly expressed.

Kui: Speaking of which, people who create games alone, such as indie games, are amazing.

It's often said that manga artists "come up with everything, from the art to the story, all by themselves," but I don't think they can compete with independent game creators who create the music, programming, and art all by themselves.

Moreover, even more than manga, no one can give their opinion until the game is completed. If you think about it that way, making a game by yourself is really a "one-man battle." At the same time, what I like about games is that there are quite a few "works that are not made with much consideration for cost" ... I enjoy it a little bit.

-- Do you ever think, "I want to make a game?"

Kui: I once bought RPG Maker , but it ended up being a complete failure... (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Love for "classic RPGs" was a major influence on "Dungeon Meshi"

-- I'd like to ask you, Ms. Kui, since you play a lot of titles on Steam and other platforms, have you ever had any problems playing a game?

Kui: Simply put, a "game that doesn't work" is a problem (laughs).

This sometimes happens with games made by individuals on Steam... they don't have any reviews, so there's no way to deal with it other than contacting them directly. There have been a few times when I've been stuck and wondered, "What should I do?"

Other times, I'll buy a title that just happens to pop up at the top of Steam's rankings. Sometimes I'll play it thinking, "The graphics are kind of cute, so I'll give it a try," only to find that it's incomplete beyond the framework.

--So now people are playing titles that aren't that major.

Kui: Also, when I played Planescape: Torment, which is said to have influenced Disco Elysium.

While playing, I came across a character who was suffering from a terrible curse that made his whole body smell and become sticky. A quest was triggered to ask the NPC who had cast the curse to lift it, but when I asked them to lift the curse, I ended up being cursed with a curse that made me have constant hiccups ...

So when I was walking around the town, the "hiccup" dialogue started popping up all the time. What's more, every time it happened, I would freeze up for about 0.1 seconds. All the dialogue was filled with "hiccups." Anyway, it was a troubling curse.

I had no idea how to deal with this either, so I decided to just kill the NPC who had put the curse on me. The NPC also challenged me by saying, "Maybe if you kill me, the curse will be lifted?", so I tried killing him, but... it didn't lift the curse at all (laughs).

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: I thought maybe the quest would progress in other places, so I walked around here and there, but the curse was not lifted after all. I was really curious, so I looked back at overseas information exchange thread online, and I found someone had written a lecture that said "You know what happens if you kill an important NPC without thinking about it, right?"

So I realized that this curse can never be lifted again. Even if I wanted to rewind, it was an auto-save, so I had to go back almost to the beginning... I was really... in trouble!

-- But "Planescape: Torment" hits a pretty impressive spot. Was it something that just happened to catch your eye while you were browsing Steam?

Kui: I originally liked games in the same genre as Baldur's Gate, so I think that's how I got into Planescape.

Also, I saw information that a huge amount of text in Planescape was translated by one person... I'm not very good at English, and games like Planescape have a lot of text to begin with, so I'm at a loss if it's not translated into Japanese .

However, when extraordinary people like those who make Planescape use their precious time from their lives to accomplish great things, I feel very grateful.

-- So, Ms. Kui, do you prefer games that are closer to the classics?

Kui: That's right. The first game I played was The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and it was so much fun that I searched for "games similar to Skyrim" and played a lot of the games that came up.

All of them were completely different games from Skyrim, but they were fun. However, I don't like "old games". I think that newer games are generally more polished and well-made.

-- Wizardry, which influenced Dungeon Meshi, is also a classic work.

Kui: When I was a child, I saw my father playing Wizardry V : The Heart of the Maelstrom. As time passed, I remembered that there was a game called Wizardry. The game I played at that time was Wizardry VI: Forbidden Pencil.

I also played Wizardry V , but it was hard to see the map unless I chanted a spell. I was directionally challenged, so even though I had a guidebook at hand, I couldn't progress.

--By the way, were you more interested in making a manga out of "Wizardry" than the tabletop RPG "D&D" ?

Kui: When I was researching fantasy, "D&D" was often mentioned... but I had never even heard of "TRPG" before. First of all, you can't play it without friends, and I was shocked to find out that lots of people have friends they can play with like this...!?

Everyone: (laughs).

Kui: So when I looked up TRPGs on Wikipedia, I couldn't imagine that people actually played this kind of game. I was more confused and thought, "How can people really role-play in front of other people?"

After that, I watched replay videos on YouTube and it was only then that I understood how games like D&D worked.

Games, manga, novels. What is the purpose of all creative works?

-- What was the last game you played?

Kui: Recently I played a school management game called "Let's School." It's made by a Chinese company that also made "My Time at Sandrock."

Hiroi: You really like that kind of game, don't you? (laughs) Oh? Haven't you played "FF7 Rebirth" ?

Kui: I'm thinking about playing the remake of FF7 once it's completed.

Hiroi: No, no, if we don't do it now, we'll never finish it! It'll be a long time before we do it!

--Honestly, I also thought it would take about 10 years for FF7 Rebirth to be released.

Hiroi: I thought it would take about that long too... I really wanted it to be completed while I could still see. So, please do it!

Kui: Once it's finished...I want to play it all at once (laughs).

--Do you and Ms. Kui often talk about games?

Hiroi: Ms. Kui sometimes says, "I want to talk about this game, so I want you to play it." I played "Red Dead Redemption" because of that. Also, a long time ago, Ms. Kui recommended "13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim."

Kui: Whenever there's a game I want to discuss with someone, I always recommend it to Hiroi.

But maybe I haven't been playing games as much lately. Until now, I've been playing games because I thought of it as "for work," but now that the serialization of Dungeon Meshi has ended, I've been playing less games.

Moreover, I'm not the type of person who gets that into one game...I don't generally play through a game in repeated playthroughs, and I'm usually satisfied once I've finished the story.

Hiroi: Then we have to start [a new ] serialization soon.

Everyone: (laughs).

-- I'd like to ask you personally, do you have any "recommended indie games"?

Kui: I highly recommend "Papers, Please" and "Return of the Obra Dinn."

First of all, "Papers, Please" is a simple "spot the difference" game, so I didn't have high expectations at first. But when I played it, I felt like there was a proper "world" to it . Also, I was curious to see how the story continued.

And "Return of the Obra Dinn" had a great atmosphere. There were hints to solving the puzzles if you looked closely, but there was also a good balance of being able to force your way through, and the music and production were cool.

Hiroi: Come to think of it, you read quite a bit of the novel after the serialization ended, didn't you?

Kui: Ah, you mean "1984" by George Orwell? That was good...

I've always thought that creativity isn't necessary for life... It's entertainment, so it's not essential to life. But after reading "1984," I thought, "I guess creativity is necessary after all."

Humans need stories to experience things that should never come true, to prepare for bad things, and to prepare for understanding other people... You might think, "You should have already learned that when you were younger," but I was deeply moved by this realization.

Anyway, I feel that it would be great if people could learn things they didn't know before through this work.

Hiroi: ...Overall, it just felt like we had a fun time talking about games (laughs).

Kui: We just used the interview as an excuse to talk about the game (laughs).

-- No no, thank you very much for sharing your valuable story! (End)

I think I can understand a little bit about being interested in things you hate.

It's easy to analyze "why do you like something?" when you like it, but it's surprisingly difficult to analyze "why do you dislike something?" When you understand the reason, it seems that "why do you dislike it" is often more meaningful.

Perhaps creative works exist in part to help us understand the things we dislike.

I was able to hear a lot of deep "creation stories" that made me think about such things. Also, Ms. Kui is a huge gamer. Mr. Hiroi also likes games quite a bit. Since serious talk and game discussions alternated, the content may have been emotionally confusing. But I feel like "Dungeon Meshi" has a similar atmosphere.

If you haven't read "Dungeon Meshi," please take this opportunity to read it. It depicts a fun adventure. On top of that, it may help you prepare for difficult things that might happen in your life someday. Of course, it's also extremely interesting as a manga. I think it's definitely one of the best "entertainment" of our time.

Why does the body want to live? What does the mind want?

This is because we have a "desire" to pursue what we like and dislike. In fact, "things we dislike" are just as important as "things we like." By understanding our own "likes and dislikes" through creative works and entertainment, humans can prepare for things that happen in their future lives. Food and creative works are equally important for human growth.

...That said, I'm not sure if it has a nice punchline, or maybe not.

To eat. To experience creative works. These are truly the privileges of life. In order to live, we must continue to eat.

Now it's time to eat. What shall we eat today?

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #ryoko kui #kui ryoko #dungeon meshi research #translation

1K notes · View notes

sashaforthewin · 9 months ago

Text

Multi-chapter fic on Ao3

Steve had been enjoying a nice relaxing lounge by the pool despite it being night. He had his hearing aid off and his fruity drink and a romance novel Robin had let him borrow. He was determined to have a good time despite the circumstances.

Someone tapped his foot, scaring the crap out of Steve and making him drop his book and nearly knock over his drink.

It was a fellow cruise passenger and he was saying something. Steve turned his hearing aid back on.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked why you were out here instead of at the concert,” repeated the man with a smile.

“Oh, um. I’m not actually a fan of metal music. It gives me headaches if I listen to more than one or two songs in a row,” Steve admitted sheepishly.

This stranger was still clearly a metal head, but he looked significantly less scary than most of the ones he had seen so far that day. Everyone Steve met had been nice, but Steve hadn’t felt comfortable telling anyone he wasn’t a fan until now. Maybe because it was just the two of them out here and he was smiling so cutely.

“Not a metal fan? Well damn, not to critique your life choices, but I think maybe going on a metal cruise wasn’t an ideal choice for you? I’m Eddie, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Steve.”

There were plenty of deck lounges around, all empty, but Eddie sat down on Steve’s right next to his legs.

“Steve. So Steve, why are you on a metal cruise when you don’t like metal? These tickets were not exactly cheap and there’s no way you missed the theme, it was pretty clearly advertised,” Eddie asked teasingly.

Steve looked Eddie over, noting that he was actually pretty cute. Pretty eyes, nice full lips, dimples, and he was that type of lanky Steve was drawn to. He had good skin and his hair had some volume and texture to it, Steve could work with that. Bit of a fixer-upper, but a better starting point than most of the men that had flirted with him since his last failed relationship. He also had the vibe, so Steve decided this guy would be fine to open up to.

“Well, Eddie, I bought this ticket for my dear friend Dustin for his birthday, but then the little shit went and outed me to my parents. Accidentally, of course, and he feels like shit about it. But still, that got me kicked out of my home so maybe I’m being petty but I decided he shouldn’t get to go on this cruise after all. I forgive him, it really was an accident, but still, gotta teach him a lesson.” Steve shrugged. “And I would’ve gotten the ticket refunded but the money would’ve gone back to my parents and they clearly don’t deserve to get anything back from me. So, instead of trying to figure out how to sell a ticket to a very niche interest cruise, I figured I deserved to just come and treat myself for four days before I have to go back to living in my ex-girlfriend’s basement. It’s actually pretty nice to have the ship to myself while all you guys are in there shaking your heads to loud music.” Steve gestured to the pool and the drink.

“Ex- girl friend’s basement?” Eddie asked.

“Shut up, I’m bi.” Steve smacked Eddie on the arm with his book.

Eddie grabbed the book and looked at it as he replied, “Hey, just checking to make sure I’m not barking up the wrong tree.”

“Oh? Is that what you’re doing, barking up my tree?” Steve said, playfully.

“If you’ll let me,” Eddie flirted back.

“So how come you’re not in the show right now?” Steve asked, gently stealing his book back from Eddie’s grasp.

“Oh, I’m touring with those guys right now, I have heard them play the same set like fifteen times already. I’d much rather be out here getting to chat with you. You know you’re beautiful, right? How come you don’t live with your boyfriend? Or girlfriend?” Eddie asked, quite obvious in his fishing for information.

“I’m single and yes, I do know I’m beautiful, but I still like hearing it. Are you like a roadie or something?”

“Actually,” Eddie said, “I’m the lead guitarist in the headlining band. We play tomorrow night. Can I buy you another drink? Maybe dinner?”

“The, uh, the bill goes to our cabins,” Steve answered, too shocked that an apparently famous musician was asking him out to respond appropriately.

“Baby, I’ll put your entire tab on my cabin if you’ll let me. You are the most beautiful, and dare I say cleanest man on this entire boat. Metal heads are great, but they aren’t really my type.”

Steve takes a sip of his cold drink just to make sure he’s not fallen asleep and dreaming. The ocean is calm and the moon is full and he is most definitely awake.

“And what is your type?” Steve asked.

“Handsome men with soft hands who will let me pamper them,” Eddie said, picking up Steve’s hand and feeling his lack of calluses. He placed a kiss onto each finger tip. “These hands aren’t meant for labor, let me spoil you rotten.”

Well, Steve reasoned, even if this ended up being just a weekend fling, it was going to be worth the price of admission.

#steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington/eddie munson #my fic

2K notes · View notes

s3thwrit3sstuff · 4 months ago

Note

*pulls the 45 cents I have to my name out of my pocket and drops them on your table*

I can't believe my name will be forever attached to this but one (1) Kenjaku solo session with Heianera!YN portrait, please

❝ life and death will always lead to love and regret (but you have the answers, and I have the key) ❞

warnings: creepy/stalker behaviour, Kenjaku is a 'passive'-yandere (in the sense that Sukuna would and will kill him if he tried anything), manipulative behaviour, gore (detailed), Kenjaku jerking off in front of a portrait of r!, very unrequited

authors note: don't be ashamed, Gabriel. I got way too excited writing this and I think that speaks volumes on how I need to get checked, LMAO. On another note - yes, my YN's will always have a harem of men in the JJK-verse because that's what YN (and you, my dear reader) deserve!

I wrote this partially on my phone so bear with me guys...

*song on repeat: Bernadette by IAMX & Rule #34 by Fish in a Birdcage. * YN is described as having long hair because of the heian beauty standard (hair colour and texture not mentioned).

People often compared the years they lived as sand. The hourglass holding it is comparable to the human body. He often thought that metaphor was weak. People — humans — were not hourglasses and their years were not sand. No, no. That’s far too neat for humans.

Humans are messy. They are loud, and chaotic, they defy nature's rules and destroy her for the sake of progress. They had no balance, their compass broke when the synapses in their brains sparked conscious thought.

In that chaos, humans made curses. Or, well, you could argue it who came first but without humans and their silly consciousness — cursed spirits wouldn’t thrive.

People are flesh left under the sun. With their blood drying out, flies and maggots eagerly feast on what they can while the meat greys and rots. That’s a much more appropriate metaphor for a human life. If anything, the hourglass comparison should be used for himself. Constantly turning it over to keep going; uncaring of what kept the sands in confinement so long as it could continue its path.

Down, almost empty, flip, repeat.

Kenjaku had perfected his cursed techniques. He had earned this, he had earned his right to let his curiosities run rampant. He had earned the right to be in the presence of Sukuna Ryomen and you.

“Yuuji, you still owe me for eating my yoghurt from the fridge. It was expensive and it took so long for me to find it!” Nobara huffed. “You might as well just buy some for yourself. I’m labelling my food now.”

Megumi glanced over his shoulder at the lack of reply from the pink-haired boy. Nobara stopping next to him with her brows furrowed, sighing as she looks around for him.

“...I was just talking to myself? Seriously?” she grumbled. Megumi adjusts his grip on the bags. The grocery trips were a good team-building exercise according to Yuuji, a way to get to know each other better. Megumi and Nobara agreed after a particularly harsh mission that aimed directly at their novice team fighting experience.

So far, the results that were yielded from it were found that Nobara had an aversion to pineapples, Megumi had expensive tastes, and Yuuji was very good at budgeting money.

“No, he was right beside you a few minutes ago,” Megumi reached for his phone. Nobara placed her hands on her hips, tilting her head as she continued to scan the crowd.

A gaggle of businessmen came out from the underground train station and between the crowd of slicked-back hair, desperate combovers, and sweaty bald heads, she spotted him.

Tugging on Megumi’s sleeve, she pointed to him. Yuuji was standing and staring up at some sort of vertical banner. As they both approached, they shared a glance.

“Oi, Itadori,” Nobara placed a hand on his shoulder. Smacked it really. He didn’t budge. There was a dullness to his eyes that unnerved her enough to remove her hand. Megumi tightened his grip on his phone as he called out to him again. She took a look at the banner and her brows furrowed.

It was promoting an opening of someone’s private gallery. Some rich kid’s great-great-grandfather’s collection. The painting they used was of a true beauty. A man with long hair, dressed in the finest robes with a serene barely-there smile. It looked to be more European in nature, the art reminding her of the portraits of giant frilly dresses and puffy shoulder sleeves despite the obviously Japanese clothing, accessory, and manner in which the subject was regaled in the painting.

The banner must have costed a pretty penny considering how much detail they could see. Megumi could practically feel the raised textures the artist had used to mimic the pattern of the traditional robe the man wore. The flow of his hair, the texture and pattern it had; and his lashes were surely not that long in reality.

Megumi tore his gaze to Yuuji.

It was like he was in a trance. His mouth was slightly ajar, his brows furrowed and his hands shaking as his knuckles turned white.

“Itadori?”

Yuuji had long forgotten this. This ache in his chest that he sometimes woke up with. When he reaches for the empty space next to him and finds no one. Those moments in the basement when he watches a historical movie and his chest tightens as the nobles courted one another.

“Do you know the painter or something?” Nobara asks.

No, he wants to say. Not the painter. If he knew who it was that did this portrait, he’d tear their heads off their body. But the man? He knew him.

That hellish grin, that perfect face and most importantly those nightmarish eyes.

You’ve seen dolls, right? Those porcelain ones specifically. The craftsmen who make them, the expensive ones with real human hair. To be left on shelves instead of being played with. They would draw these white dots on the eyes, varnish them even, so their eyes would reflect back. A mimicry of humans, that’s what dolls are. But even then, their eyes still twinkled. Not this man. No. It was devoid of light. Pools of (eye colour) and nothing more. These eyes would swallow up any trace of light and diminish the stars from the sky with just a glance.

Yuuji knew him. His soul knew him. His hand clutches over his heart and his friends watch this with trepidation.

It’s been 2,000 years. Sukuna was no longer human and therefore his memory was not as fickle. He still remembers those moments before dawn; the sight of your bare torso breathing softly as you rested next to him. The sun filtering through the windows and making you appear even more ethereal and deadly. How your brows would pinch seconds before you woke. Those soulless eyes that shot through his very soul.

Sukuna could recognize you even if he was blind. He’d be able to hear you just by feeling your chest rumble. If he had to eat one thing for the rest of his life, your body and flesh would sustain him.

In his Malovent Shrine, whilst he sat on his throne, he’d summon his flames in his palm. There he’d watch as your figure danced across his hand. You’d twirl between his digits, a smile across your face as he watches the imitation of you.

It used to be enough. Lately, the action brings him more contempt then fondness. The flames never quite catch your shape anymore. Constantly shifting. That coyness is gone, mini-you petulantly staying hidden behind his fingers. So he snuffs you out in his fists.

He hates you for making him miss you. A King should not be missing anyone or anything. Yet, as his vessel stands here, Sukuna teeters on the edge of breaking the Unbreakable Vow he’d made with the brat just to gaze upon you.

The painter got your resemblance and it was agony for him.

How could he continue to be without you when he’s seen you again? Days ago, he wanted to kill you for making him delirious and now he wants you back in his arms.

“Itadori.” Megumi’s tone is firmer. Nobara smacks his shoulder again and Yuuji jolts forward, nearly falling until his rigid legs quickly come back to life.

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?” Megumi asks, his thumb hovering over the DIAL button of Gojo Satoru’s number. Yuuji glances at his wrinkled shirt and releases it, confusion painted across his face at the fading pain across his chest.

“I...yeah, yeah. I'm okay. I have no idea what that was....”

Rich bodies made life significantly easier.

What was that saying humans used?

Money can’t buy happiness?

Kenjaku chuckles at the thought. Foolish and vain — typical of humans. Clinging onto whatever they can to convince their egos they’re better than most when they’ll all meet the same fate. Kenjaku forgets the exact point where he stopped seeing himself as one of them, but he’s sure anyone would if you’ve lived as long as him. Apathy. Most call it a disease of selfishness. Kenjaku simply thinks they’re lying to themselves.

“Mr Geto?” the gallery was a lucrative endeavour. A piece in his grand scheme that required little effort but great rewards. More personal gain on his end.

“Mr Hajimoto mentioned you specifically in his will. The private room is all yours. Thank you so much for your donation to this fine institution of arts.” Kenjaku offers the man a polite smile and nod. The awkward silence prompts them to open the large doors and Kenjaku is greeted by you.

(Y/N) (L/N). In all your glory. In his favourite colours and his favourite kanza. The bespoke lighting on your portrait makes his hands fall limply to his side. You were a brushstroke away from taking a breath. The colours used to recreate that undertone your skin had, the delicate curves of your lashes and the plumpness of your lip.

The two guards in the corner of the room are a nuisance. But with a simple twirl of his right hand, the Slit-Mouthed Woman makes quick work of them. This curse technique was truly convenient, the mess she made cleaned up by a different curse who laps at the blood with vigor. The noises are all muffled as he admires those vicious eyes.

Just saying your name makes warmth travel down between his legs.

“I’ve almost forgotten how you look like.”

Silence ticks by for a minute.

Then Kenjaku bursts into laughter. Clutching his stomach and covering his mouth as he does. He can still smell your blood. Even if Suguru’s body had never had the pleasure of touching you — Kenjaku remembers it.

The way it flowed out of you like silk ribbons. Warm and wet and virile.

“You are an unusual sorcerer,” those were the first words you said to him. He knows you meant that in a derisive fashion — the curl of your nose was a clear indicator. But that was the day a feverish need was planted inside of his very soul.

You. You. You.

The shape of your face.

The cadence of your voice.

The way the wind carried your scent to his nose.

The sound of your cat-like foot-steps.

The effortless way you carried yourself despite the heavy robes that a revered concubine of your rank would wear, along with the golden hair accessories that would probably break a lesser man's neck.

It didn't stop there either.

Your brain, the wickedness that ran through your very veins and that fire that burns within you. Kenjaku wanted to be inside of you in every he could fathom. To sit within that perfectly shaped skull, to thread his fingers between the locks of your hair and take a scalpel to that skin he so craves to taste. Or perhaps inside in the traditional sense, between your legs, embraced by your warm insides and your deadly arms.

Kenjaku ponders on the time he has. He decides that he should indulge in you. He undoes the robes this body wore and sighs as it reveals the torso. Bodies were all the same but he does appreciate the care Geto Suguru took into his temple — there was no need for shame when he's already desecrated this corpse so viscerally already. His hands travel down his torso and that pronounce v-line and past the patch of wiry pubic hair.

You make him feel young again. Reckless and stubborn. Your eyes watch him as he leisurely spits into his palm and strokes it over the tip.

Evil is such a lame word. So primitive in its nature, another one of human's attempts at letting go of responsibility. If something or someone were evil, they were inherently irredeemable. Humans used to call snakes evil simply for doing what a snake would do when hungry, instead of realising they shouldn't have left the door to their huts opened and their sleeping brat asleep.

Was something evil when it simply did what it was meant to do?

They were simply following natures course.

This act Kenjaku is doing now, is not perverted or evil, he is simply being. Simply living, existing, relishing.

If anything, you were the undoing. The evil. You've made, and continue to make, him lose crave and hunger. You were so cruel, so ethereal — so evil.

Kenjaku groaned your name, walking backwards and dropping onto the low seat the gallery provided. His legs spread and he hung his head down but his eyes remained affixed to your painting.

"He sounds beautiful, Mr Hajimoto," the blonde painter had told him once or twice or thrice. Young but talented, the way he used his brushes on canvas was so impressive and Kenjaku missed you so much (Y/N). He simply had to spread the wickedness of your beauty, immortalize it forever within canvases and lesser non-sorcerers minds.

"Did you know him?" his accent was clunky, the Japanese language tumbling on its delicate legs following the rhythm of the painters voice. Still, he — Mr Hajimoto, Kenjaku — gave him a gentle grin.

"Very well. He was my lover."

The small notebook the painter had written your features down in, it was displayed in this very room as well. In a glass casing, handled with gloves to ensure pesky skin oils wouldn't deteriorate his inked strokes.

Speaking of strokes, Kenjaku's was beginning to pick up it's pace. His smile now looser, like an animal that caught the scent of blood, his tongue curled over his teeth as he imagined the disgust on your face. You'd probably cover your nose with the sleeve of your robe and the thought makes his cock jump; you were wearing his favourite colours and it made him moan.

The notebook was filled with sketches of you. Kenjaku recalls correcting the human, correcting him when he disrupted the harmony of your anatomy. You were the humans muse for years, (Y/N). Even as he neared his death bed, the blonde artist kept drawing you. Sketches lose, your shape less tangible, but hauntingly beautiful. Like your dark flames flowing in the wind. Even as his memories of his life escapes him, the artist remembered you. What a blessing. Kenjaku had visited him before he died and whispered your name into the old man's ear.

Sorcerer Society keeps your name hidden. It's their way of control. Making Sukuna Ryomen more monstrous by telling others he ruled coldly and cruelly alone; death was not as harsh as being erased. They say Sukuna needed 20 of his fingers and his mummified heart to be revived. That's what those poems talked about after all.

A misunderstanding.

The heart was Sukuna's, yes.

But it wouldn't revive him.

"You were so angry," he chuckled out, "so defiant even when I was inside of you."

The sky was blood red, the black smoke making the colour more saturated as it seemed intent on blotting out the sun. Uraume had felt a sudden chill, you did too, and they swiftly rose as the scent of deceit was so thick in the air.

“Uraume,” your voice remained nonchalant. But there was a tenseness in your throat that even they could decipher through the layers of regality. They turned, mouth pressed into a thin line as they went on their knees.

You continued to stare, impassively looking down at the patterned swirl of their snow-white hair. The red and black sky turning the colour of your eyes a pleasantly mournful shade; the golden kanza in your hair that your Lord Sukuna himself had commissioned for you glimmered righteously. The teeth of a beast, the curling of centipede legs, and the melded wings of a raven. It was beautiful just as much as it was unusual.

“You leave your Lord’s prized possession to fend for himself?”

Uraume lips reveal a modest amount of teeth. Their face like a porcelain doll as they raise their head. It makes your heart flutter and squeeze.

“You are stronger than these worms, they wouldn’t dare attack you.”

This is true. A fact. You were strong. 100 sorcerers or 1, 000 sorcerers — it made no difference to you. They’d turn into dust and wither right before you. But it shocks Uraume when you place your palm against their jaw, thumb stroking over their cheekbone as you gaze down at them.

“How horrid it is, making me defend myself.”

They see your eyes soften. It was no wonder you were Lord Sukuna’s concubine. Just being touched by you, looked down upon by you; it makes their spine melt.

“I should have your head for your insolence.”

Uraume apologizes, lips stilling when your thumb presses down on them.

“Return to me. Whole. My Lord Husband and I will not be pleased if you do not. We don’t want weaklings to stand behind us.”

Uraume bows, their lips kissing your knuckles as they do before they raise and disappear from your sight. The screams of terror that are heard outside at the sight of them make you slip your eyes close.

Kenjaku appeared before you what felt like hours later. He looks at the scene with a raise of his brow. Your feet were soaked in blood as bodies were strewn across the wide room. The floor was shimmering, looking as though it was breathing as it creaked from his weight. The clothes the bodies wore painted a clear enough picture — they were your servants. Loyalties were swayed as the fight prolonged. These little ants thought they could save themselves from punishment if they showed these righteous sorcerers your head.

He couldn’t smell smoke and there were no signs of charring. The bodies were mangled beyond belief, guts spilling out, eyes gouged, arms bent unnaturally.

Yet, in the gore and horror, you stood across from him with only your feet stained by traitorous blood.

You were a vision. Delicately wiping away blood from the tiger claw kanza with the sleeve of a dead servant. Then, he watches as you carefully put it back in place atop your hair.

“Kenjaku.”

He bows his head, bending at his waist, then lifts himself up again.

“The Kamo clan, your clan, joined this rebellion. I feel that should be a good enough reason to kill you.” The fire in your eyes makes his heart race. He moves forward, casually stepping over a torn torso.

“That would be unwise,” he gives you a grin. This body of his is new. The stitches are still fresh and red. Most likely a desperate attempt of his to hide away while they destroyed his old body. The corpse is younger, and more plain-looking. Despite it’s Curse Technique being a mystery, you’ll take your chances at strangling him.

“I’ve come at the behest of your Lord Husband. To ensure your longevity.”

Your brows pinch. Kenjaku delights at the creases it creates, tucking away this sight into his memories for lonely nights. Then, you scowl.

“You lie.”

His giddiness is palpable. The wide grin on the corpse’s face is clearly not his own; cheeks lifted too high and smile too large and unnatural. Kenjaku must’ve been a truly ugly man with a truly ugly grin. The body struggles to adjust to this display of amusement.

“I’m not.”

He takes a step forward and you lift your hand. The standstill would’ve lasted longer if it weren’t for the yells and thunderous footsteps clambering up to your room.

“You lie!”

Dark flames roared out from the windows. The heat so smoldering it causes a burst of hot air to knock back the men on the stairs, burning their skin and face. The blood on the floor boils, the iron scent now more acidic as the once fleshy bodies now crumble into dust.

You feel his breathe against the nape of your neck. As you turn, he wrings his arms around you like a snake. One across your stomach, the other around your shoulder. That horrible smile is pressed against your skin.

“Kenjaku,” you growl through gritted teeth.

“That’s right. Say my name.”

Fighting feels a lot like sex.

Kenjaku can feel your passion behind every strike, the bruises you leave behind on his skin are akin to hickeys. When you yell out and scream, cheeks so hot he can feel the rush of blood to your face just from looking — the rapid pulse you have and the way your face is contorted.

Kenjaku pins you down. Your legs are thrown over his own while you gnash your teeth at him and spit insults his way. Your hair was so beautiful, thrown back around your head like a lion’s mane. He slides your wrists above your head and holds them with one hand while the other undoes the meticulous array of folds your kimono had.

Sweat drips down his nose. It’s all your fault. Using your Curse Technique in this room, charring the wood and setting it all aflame. Still, he could work in this conditions.

“Ah,” he moans at the sight of your bare skin. Watching the rise and fall of your chest, licking his lips as he places a hand over your heart.

When you kick at his stomach, he acts like he cannot feel it. When you kick again, this time hard enough for a loud crack to be heard, he looks at you.

“If you kill me, you will break the Binding Vow you and Ryomen had made with me.”

He feels your feet dig into his rib, the spiderwebs of cracks spreading further. He allows this with a pleased hum. Your ragged breathing all at once calms and with a blink, your eyes lose that unbridled fury.

“You dare say my Lord’s name so casually?”

Kenjaku laughs. As he leans down, he presses his forehead to yours. Your nose curls in disgust but you keep your lips pursed. The feeling of his sweat sliding down the sides of your forehead and dipping to travel the side of your nose; threatening to get into your eyes as it slips just beneath it.

“Forgive me, venerable concubine.” Kenjaku does not mean this. When he presses his fingers together and imbues his hand with Curse Energy. He enjoys it.

Slicing through your skin at a pace that made the cut more ghastly then it would be if it was done quickly. You remained stone-faced while Kenjaku chewed on his lower lip, every twitch or squint just fueling his hunger.

He is past your skin and now he sees the yellow, when he twists his wrist you grunt as he slices through the threads of muscles. He spreads his fingers and your teeth part as you let out a strained yell.

"You can be louder if you want," his lips brush against your cheek every time he speaks.

"When I return, I'll take pleasure in ripping your head off your body."

"Threatening me?"

He reaches bone. His finger scratching against it before he peels away and settles between your legs. Your hands aren't pinned but you do nothing but curl your fingers into fists as he shoves another hand into your chest. The squelching and pulsing of your flesh, the bursts of blood from your throbbing veins and pumping heart. The wetness and warmth of your insides. He can feel your body clenching around him, and he convinces himself its because you truly enjoy this depravity just as he does.

The size of his hands in your chest is unbearably uncomfortable. Invading you, filling you when you want nothing more than to burn him, as he moves his digits and wrists within you.

He grasps onto your bones and breaks it under the pressure of his wrist. Your blood is spraying him, staining his clothes.

"Your blood looks like ribbons," he whispers to you, "even your insides are like works of art."

You want this to be over with already.

Your arms move down, eyes still set in a glare. You slip your fingers under the soaked clothing and spread it apart further to reveal more of your skin. Shimmying your shoulders so your torso is now bare of any clothing.

The tent between his legs pressed into your crotch. It's hard to ignore, but you push through and grasp onto his elbow and force him to go in deeper.

"Promising you."

Kenjaku's elbow straightens sharply and he moans as he feels your heart beating in his palm. He pulls it out of your body, panting as your eyes slip close and your heart slows. Beating slowly...slowly...slowly...

Kenjaku moans at the memory of your heart in his hands. Your warm blood coating his skin, drying under his nails and crackling in the creases of his joints.

"I wanted to keep you on me forever," he grunts out as his pace gets faster. "The smell of you, of your flesh."

"I didn't need your body, but it was too beautiful not to be admired."

Kenjaku throws his head back, placing his palm across his nose and lips as he sifts through his memories so he can conjure it all over again.

The painting watches on impassively. The croons and purrs of Geto Suguru's cursed spirits echo faintly in Kenjaku's ears while his hips thrusts into his own fist. It's desperate. He usually isn't like this. Even when he was creating the Death Womb Paintings — even when his plans are so close to coming into fruition.

You make him like this. Make him lose control, every thought poisoned with you even when you're nothing more than a mummified heart hidden so desperately away by Sorcerer Society.

"I've gotten a lead," Uraume had informed him just a few days ago. "They've hidden him in the ocean in an underwater research facility."

"Underwater, hah, they think it'll keep your flames contained. Keep your loyal servant away as if the depths of the ocean is enough to scare them, us — Oh, (Y/N)."

His fist stops and Kenjaku stands, removing his clothing fully as he places a hand against the wall of the gallery. The textured wall, the grooves, give way to his nails as he digs them in. He stares into your eyes, imagining the crease of your furrowed brow and Kenjaku groans out your name as he cums all over the wall.

"...Oh, I can't wait to see you again, venerable concubine."

#s3thwrit3sstuff #reader insert #male reader #male reader insert #gay reader #male!reader #sukuna ryomen x male reader #kenjaku x male reader #jjk x reader #jjk x male reader

222 notes · View notes

scribblesofagoonerr · 4 months ago

Text

— It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! | Glastonbury Series

here's the second part of this small mini series i have been working so hard to create over the past week, this is one of my favourites so i hope you all enjoy it!

yet again a massive thank you to @alotofpockets and @lvnleah for the ongoing help throughout writing this and putting up with me throwing ideas at them all the time.

pairings: leah williamson x reader!monkey

summary: the first day of the festival, leah let's loose with the alcohol and monkey definitely does take advantage about the fact that leah is drunk and she can get what she wants, more so use her bank card to the extreme without her knowing

you can check out the whole masterlist here: chaos fc masterlist

As the night draws on, you watch Leah get more and more drunk and she definitely did let her hair down.

You definitely do enjoy seeing this side of her though and you can definitely take advantage of it even.

"Le, can I have my bank card? I wanna go get another drink," You have to shout over the volume of the music to get her attention as she clumsily stumbles around until she looks at you in suspicion, "Come on, I'm not going to go wild with it!"

"You better not!" The blonde slurs, pointing her index finger at you, "Be the sensible Monkey that you are!"

You laugh as she digs through her purse and hands you your card. There have been a few things around the festival that of course had caught your eye and Leah had refused to buy you them so why not buy them now?

Straightaway, you immediately make a beeline to the stand that you'd passed earlier that is selling stuffed teddies, "One unicorn please!" You grin before tapping your card and paying for it.

Sliding your bank card into your pocket, you're still beaming a wide smile as you eagerly clutch your giant unicorn, "Best purchase ever!"

Now you just have the task of taking it back to the tent so you can hide it from Leah until morning at least when it'll be too late to take it back.

"Boo!" Holly sneaks up behind you as you start to head in the direction of where you distinctly remember coming from where the tents were set up in camp, "Where are you off?" She questions, curiously.

"U... Uh, nowhere!" You stutter, quickly working to shove the giant stuffed unicorn behind your back because if it's out of sight then it's out of mind.

Holly quirks in her eyebrow in amusement, "Really? Who're you tryin' to fall here-- What's that behind your back?" She wonders, trying to take a closer look.

"What thing?" You try and play it off like you really don't know what she is on about, tightly clutching the unicorn and praying that it doesn't drop on the floor, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I can literally see it poking out behind your back," The older woman states in amusement, "What you got?" She repeats her words.

Biting your lip, you slowly pull the giant unicorn out from behind your back and look at her innocently, "Don't tell Le, please!" You all but plead now.

"Oh, Monkey," Holly finds it hard to stifle her laughter, "Is this you being sensible with your money, huh?" She teases you, ruffling your hair.

You pout at the older women and tightly clutch your unicorn in your hand, "Leah wouldn't buy me one when I asked, so I just did it myself! She's too drunk to even care right as well-- Will you please help me hide it from her?" You ask.

Hesitantly, Holly agrees with this as she nods, "Alright, come on... If she asks, I didn’t have anything to do with this!"

"Deal!" You exclaim a bit louder than necessary, "It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!" You can't help but quote one of the beloved Minion films you have watched previously.

But there's still nothing better than Shrek, of course.

Nor Marvel.

"Did you seriously just quote despicable me?" Holly can't help but laugh in amusement as the two of you walk back to camp.

"Yes... Yes, I did!" You nod proudly as you make it to the campsite and you suddenly pause in sudden realisation as your eyes widen, "Oh no! I should have gotten Buddy something!"

"We're back at the tent now, it's okay we'll go back and pick one up for her on the way back to the tent later on instead. Maybe a dinosaur?" The older woman suggests kindly, squeezing your shoulder gently.

Grinning in agreement, you carefully place the unicorn inside the tent for safe keeping, "Awesome, or should I say Roar-Some!" You joke with the woman.

"Come on Monkey," The blonde leads you back in the direction of where the festival is, "I can understand why Le calls you a Menace sometimes now." She states in amusement.

"I'm not even that bad, Leah exaggerates sometimes that's all!" You tell her as you shrug your shoulders, "I still gotta take advantage to find more things to buy on my card before she realises!"

"Are you sure about that?" Holly doesn't seem so convinced as you spot a cash machine and have the brainwave to take some money out, "Is this a good idea?" She wonders.

"I see it as," Shrugging your shoulders, you pop your card in the machine and punch in your pin, "Call it compensation right now."

"Compensation, for what?" Holly laughs in amusement.

"Compensation for having to put up with Leah's drunk ass," You remark as your card slots back out and you stuff it in your pockets along with the small wad of cash and continue to walk back to them.

Of course it's not long until you get distracted.

"Oh, stop! I see it, I love it and I want it!" With the tap of your card on the machine, you now proudly own both of them.

"What's with the cowboy hat... And the neon light?" Holly questions amusedly as she shakes her head.

Shrugging your shoulders, you adjust it on your head and start to walk back to the group, "It seemed like a good idea, so I did it cos' that is how you should live your life!"

"That is not a motto you should live by," Holly tells you in disagreement as she laughs, "Come on cowgirl, before they wonder where we've got too."

With a few purchases in hand, you walk back to the group. You are now extremely happy with the cowboy hat you spotted on the way back and a neon green flashing light that you found fascinating and it was just screaming out for you to buy.

"Hi drunky, we're back!" You grin at the blonde and lean up on your tip-toes to hug her from behind, and of course being in the drunken state that she is, she is more than willing to accept the hug.

"Monkey!" Leah exclaims, doing no more than turning around, lifting you off the ground and spinning you around, "Have you been sensible?" She slurs.

Just how much has she drunk while you were gone?

"I'm always sensible," You reply in agreement as you can't help but laugh at her antics.

"No, you are not," Leah slurs as she playfully pokes you on the nose.

"How drunk are you?" You question, not hiding your laughter.

The blonde gasps in shock horror, "I am not drunk! I can... I can tell the time!" She insists, eagerly.

You snicker in amusement, "Sure, you keep on telling yourself that one," Turning to look at Holly for confirmation, "She is so drunk, innit?" You ask her.

"She's just having a good time," Holly laughs at her cousin's current state of drunkenness, "But she will definitely have a sore head in the morning of course."

Leah still continues to cling onto you, "You're my cheeky Monkey! I love you! I do, I love you a lot!" She states, loud and proud.

"I love you too, Le... Even when you're as drunk as you are," You respond as you find her leaning her head on your neck with a bit of height difference.

"I'm serious!" Leah slurs as she continues to rest her head on your shoulder, "You are a pain sometimes but you are a pain that I love so, so much!" She tells you and it makes you smile hearing her say that, because despite how annoying you can get at times, she still loves you.

"I love the way she fills her clothes. She looks just like them girls in vogue. I love the way she plays it cool-- Oh my God. I love this band!" It’s your turn to scream at the top of your voice, pretty much deafening Leah considering you’re sitting on her shoulders and having the absolute time of your life listening to one of your favourite bands.

Is it such a good idea to do that when she’s had a lot of drinks?

Eh, probably not.

What is the worst that can happen?

Right now you feel like a dream come true to be here and it feels a completely surreal experience.

“Best time ever!” You continue to scream and dance to the music, having trust in Leah to not drop you on your head, “I think that she is beautiful…”

“Sing it loud, Monkey!” Leah encourages you loudly, keeping her arms draped around your legs so you’re a bit stable, but right now in the moment you are enjoying yourself too much to care.

“You know this song word for word?” Grace chimes in, looking at you in amusement.

“She’s so lovely, she’s so lovely, she’s so lovely, she’s so lovely, she’s so lovely, she’s so lovely, she’s so lovely!” You still continue to scream the lyrics on repeat, throwing your hands up in the air while having an absolute blast.

“And she continues,” Holly jokes with you.

“She’s pretty, a fitty. She’s got a boyfriend and that’s a pity. She’s flirty turned thirty!” You sing but more like continue to scream the lyrics down the blonde ear.

“What film is this even from?” Holly asks, curiously.

You peer down and gasp at her dramatically, “Angus Thongs and perfect snogging, of course! How… How didn’t you know that?” You question in disbelief, “You’re, like, old enough to know it!”

“I can’t believe you just called me old– She did just call me old, right?” The older woman looks around in disbelief, offended that you literally called her old.

“I did!” You don’t hesitate to quip in agreement, “Let down, complete let down! Anybody that doesn’t know this band or the movie is a fuckin’ let down!”

“Monkey, reign in a bit,” Leah slurs, very much not in the state to even scold you right now with the state that she is in, “Be a nice Monkey!”

“She’s fine, don’t worry about it. She’s having a good time!” Holly waves her off in disagreement as she laughs.

“Yeah, she’s just accepting that she is old,” You remark, sticking your tongue at the older blonde woman.

“Wha… Is she always like this?” Holly questions in disbelief, “I’m just getting constantly insulted here by this kid. I… I didn’t sign up for this!” She jokes.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. I'm sorry in advance for her like this," Leah slurs her apology, “You have to be nice, Monkey!”

“Nah. Get used to it,” You grin at the older blonde, who still pretends to look offended.

“Monkey,” Leah can’t stifle her laughter, “Be nice, you cheeky monkey!”

You would probably take her more seriously if she wasn’t slurring her speech while trying to lecture you, but right now she is too funny to handle.

“I’m only havin’ fun and winding her up,” You remark without even thinking about it, “I can’t help that’s my personality!”

It’s later in the evening and you’re now standing beside Holly, who is the most sober out of everyone, watching Dua Lipa perform on stage.

Meanwhile Leah is sitting on one of her friends shoulders, having the time of her life, throwing her hands up in the air and jamming to the music.

It’s hard to even know how much she has drunk at this point and you’re definitely surprised that she hasn’t managed to fall down considering how much she’s moving about up there.

Going back to the tent at the end of the night will be a fun experience…

“Woohoo! I like this one!” You shout enthusiastically, bopping your head to the beat of the music.

Holly smiles at your enthusiasm, “How’re you not tired, kid?” She wonders, curiously.

“I’m not old like the rest of you lot,” You remark, sticking your tongue out at her, “What’s your excuse?”

“Wow. You are so cheeky sometimes,” The blonde tells you as she shakes her head in amusement.

“It’s my personality, I can’t help it!” Shrugging your shoulders, you look over to where Leah is indeed having a great time on her friends shoulders still, “Le is still havin’ the time of her life as well!”

Holly glances at her cousin and smiles, “Yeah, she is. It’s nice to see her letting her hair down though. The past several months with her injury have been difficult for her.”

You couldn’t help but nod in agreement, having to watch the blonde suffer with her ACL injury was horrible and you just wanted to help her out in any way that you could do, even if that was to help out taking care of Buddy more.

You would never turn down spending more time with your favourite little buddy.

It’s great to finally have her back on the pitch again, even if she’s still bossy about things and all.

"Yeaaaah! Come on, come on, let's get physical!" The blonde that your on about screams the lyrics out loud as another one of her friends films her.

You can't help but snicker, "You can say she is enjoying herself-- I'm not carrying her back to the tent tonight!"

"I'll handle it, don't worry," Holly tells you.

"Phew!" You exclaim, dramatically.

Leah definitely is letting her hair down tonight, drinking and partying on her friends shoulder and you couldn't really blame her because she is always too stern in your own opinion sometimes.

"Le! Leah!” You shout aloud to get her attention, continuing to poke and prod her just to annoy her, “Leeaaaahhhh!"

"Hi monkey!" The blonde beams a wide smile at you and drunkenly slings her arm around you once she’s gotten off her friends shoulders.

"You're drunk!" You exclaim in amusement, leaning your body against her as you can start to feel the exhaustion hit.

Also hunger, you could kill for a pizza right now!

"Nope, I am... I am totally fine!" Leah slurs her speech.

"Nuh uh! You are completely drunk!" You disagree with the blonde.

"I think it's time we start heading back to the tent now," Holly suggests, catching onto the way her cousin is struggling to stand up without your support.

"I'm hungry!" You complain to the sober blonde, "Can we get pizza?" She wonders.

Holly laughs and nods in agreement, "We can get you something on the way back to the tent, let's just focus on getting little miss drunk over here back there right now."

"Good luck with that! I don't think she's in any state to even walk-- I already said I'm not carrying her back!" You insist, firmly, to get your point across.

"I got it, it's fine... Come on, Le. We're gonna go back to the tent," Holly tries to pull Leah in the direction of the walk back to the tents.

"Aw, what? No. The night is still young!" Leah protests, shaking her head.

Holly chuckles and shakes her head, "Yeah, but you've had a lot to drink. It's best we call it a night," she turns to the rest of her friends, "We're gonna go back to the tents. See you all in the morning."

"Awh, don't be a buzzkill Hol!" Leah shouts aloud, literally using your own words against her cousin.

"Hey, there my words!" You whine in protest, "We still have to get food!" You remind the older blonde of the two, who is somewhat trying to pull the blonde in the direction of where the tents are set up.

"Ooo, food. Let's get kebabs!" Leah pipes up.

You screw your face up in confusion, "Le, you don't even like kebabs?"

Leah points her finger at you, booping you on the nose once again, "I don't care! I... I need a kebab!"

"Nuh uh, let's get pizza instead!" You protest, you're not a massive kebab’s at all but on the other hand, pizza right now sounds great.

"Nope, a kebab will be better!" Leah continues to insist.

You can't help but groan, "But you don't like them, pizza is so much better!"

"Well right now I want a kebab and you... you have to listen to me because I am older than you, Monkey!" Leah slurs, trying to once again boop you on the nose but misses due to her stumbling around.

"Seriously? That isn't fair!" You exclaim in annoyance, furrowing your eyebrow, "Holly, tell her that ain't fair!" You turn to look at the older woman for help.

Holly let out a laugh and shakes her head, "Relax, kid. I'll get you pizza like you want afterwards."

"Winning!" You shout aloud in excitement as you begrudgingly navigate your way through the crowd, Leah stumbles a bit behind you and you can’t help but giggle as Holly has to keep a firm grip on her to prevent her from falling.

The smell from the various food stalls waft through the air and your stomach growls in response.

The hot dog you ate previously did not do much to fill you up at all.

"Can I get two kebabs, please," Holly turns her attention to the man in the food van, before she digs her own bank card out and taps it on the machine to pay.

Leah leans against the counter with her eyes half closed, “Smells soooo good,” She murmurs.

A few minutes later, the vendor hands Holly the kebabs and she hands one to the blonde, who takes a bite and her eyes widen, “This tastes amazing!”

“Guarantee you won’t even remember any of this tomorrow,” You state, grinning at Leah, who’s too busy savouring the kebab she’s currently eating.

So much for her being a picky eater, right now.

Of course you took photo evidence to prove to her that she did in fact eat this that you can’t wait to show her when she’s sober.

While watching the two of them happily munch kebabs, your stomach grumbles again, "Alright, can we please get pizza now?" You question.

"Alright, come on little miss impatient," Holly nods in agreement, walking in the direction where the pizza truck is not too far ahead.

"Yes, race you there!" You took off running before the two of them even have a chance to realise you have bolted as you reach the pizza food stall and your eyes light up in glee, "Hi! Can I have a BBQ chicken pizza, please-- Wait, do you guys serve just slices or is it like a whole pizza?" You wonder.

"Whole pizzas," The man replies to your question.

"Even better then! Yeah, I'll take a BBQ chicken one, please!" You ask the man, taking the advantage of having your card right now as the blonde still hadn't even realised due to her own drunken state of mind, you tap your card on your machine and slot it back in your pocket.

"M... Monkey!" You hear the familiar voice call out your name before you turn around and see the two blondes have eventually caught up to you, "You can't run off like that-- Remember, there's big crowds!" She slurs her words.

"I'd take you a lot more seriously if you weren't stumbling around the way that you are," You remark, grinning at Leah who tries her best to glare at you, "Really, I am so scared of you right now, I'm highly terrified. I am!" It's just too easy to wind her up right now.

"You get your pizza, kid?" Holly laughs, trying to keep a grip on Leah who is stumbling about the place.

"Waiting on it now-- Hey, gimme me cowboy hat back!" You whine in protest, feeling it being swiped off your head, "Le!"

"Nope, it's mine now!" Leah slurs, proud of herself as she puts it on her own head.

"Le!" You grumble in annoyance, "Give it back!" You try to reach for it, standing on your tip toes but she has the advantage over you with her height.

"Monkey, here's your pizza," Holly accepts the pizza of the vendor and thanks them since you were too busy trying to fight for your hat back instead, "Okay, what'd I miss here?"

"Tell her to give me my hat back," You still continue to glare at Leah, "I brought it and she'll just lose it with the state that she is in!"

Leah gasps in shock horror, "You don't know that. I... I love this thing!" She states.

"Yeah, but Le, it's mine so give it back!" You don't care if you're whining and making a scene right now when you want your hat back and the drunken blonde is holding it hostage, "Give it back!"

"Nope, it's mine!" Leah slurs, continuing to wind you up, "It suits me so much better!"

Starting to jump up to try and reach it, you scowl at her, "Give it... Give it back!" With one final jump, you manage to knock it off her head and grin in victory, "Ha! It's my hat, you get your own!"

Holly laughs and shakes her head at your usual antics, "Alright, come on. Let's try and get back to the tent in one piece without a fight breaking out," She jokes, directing the way towards the tents.

"She started it!" You point your finger in accusation at the blonde, who is now back to happily munching on her kebab again.

"I know, I know. Come on," Holly murmurs, remaining to keep her grip on Leah, who is more concerned about her kebab rather than where she is going, "Careful, Le. Watch your step."

"I'm so gonna laugh if she falls on her face!" You comment, finding the whole scenario absolutely hilarious and of course you have your phone out to video it.

"Nearly there now," Holly has to virtually pull Leah towards your own tent, "No, Le! That's the wrong tent, don't go in that one!" She shouts, dragging the drunk blonde away from it.

"Oh this is hilarious. Hold on, hold on!" You're quick to react and pull your phone out again, "I'm getting this on video-- Le, you ain't living this one down, at all!" You exclaim, having great joy watching the blonde making a fool of herself.

"Come on, Le," Holly says, the exhaustion sounds clear in her voice as she guides her cousin in the direction of the correct tent, "It's this tent, there we go... You just sit here and uh, you'll be fine. I'll be back with some water-- Just don't move!"

Flopping down inside the tent, you can't help but snicker at the blonde, who seems in her own world as she still continues to munch on the remainders of her kebab, "You are so drunk and this is hilarious to witness right now," You tell her as you start to open the pizza box and tear a slice out to eat, "You're definitely gonna regret this tomorrow... And I can't wait to wind you up about it!" You say with a mouthful of food.

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #arsenal x reader #woso one shot #scribblesofagoonerr #arsenal women x reader #arsenal wfc x reader #woso #leah williamson x reader #chaos fc reader #chaos fc #monkey #chaos fc masterlist

159 notes · View notes

yumeka-sxf · 6 months ago

Text

I would have included this scan with my recent miscellaneous collab scans post, but I decided it deserves its own post, not just because it's one of the loveliest official Twiyor illustrations I've seen, but also because the story of how I got it is...interesting 😅

This image is from the chara fine graph (which is basically a framed picture) that was included as a preorder bonus for buying the complete season 2 blu-ray set from a shop called Rakuten Books (together with badge pins of the same designs). I briefly mentioned it back in October of last year when season 2 was airing, along with preoder bonuses from other shops like Animate and Amazon. I only wanted to get this one though, so as per my usual process of trying to secure rare SxF goods, I made a note to myself to keep an eye out for when it released. Rakuten, which I believe is the main company for Rakuten Books, has their own proxy buying service, and as the season 2 blu-rays were released, I saw them appearing there. But as noted on their main site, the condition for them to send you the chara fine graph is that you must preorder all of the three season 2 blu-ray discs from them. Once you buy the third one, if they know that you've already bought the others, then they'll send you the preorder bonuses along with it.

I was concerned that if I bought the discs via proxy, they wouldn't know that I bought all three and would cancel my order at the end! I would be devastated if that happened after waiting months and spending all that money on the complete set. I knew people would sell the chara fine graph second-hand as soon as it released, so I decided to wait until then and try to find it on Mercari.

So the months went by and eventually I found out that the final blu-ray volume of season 2 would release on April 17th, 2024. I made a mental note to check Mercari for it then, but unfortunately something else released around that same time...CODE: White in the US, which had its first screening on April 18th. Admittingly, I got distracted by the CODE: White release and had seen it twice by the following weekend. I did do some preliminary searching for the chara fine graph, but not with my usual refined search terms. It wasn't until the 21st that I finally sat down and really started searching for it. And while I did find a few listings, they had already been sold.

I was hopeful that more people would sell it, since it had only been less than a week since release. But I guess I underestimated how popular this chara fine graph was because, after the initial five listings I saw that were sold within the span of a few days, none appeared after. I had, like, ten Mercari tabs open on my browser with different search terms that I refreshed many times a day, but nothing was showing up. I would groan whenever I'd see the preorder bonuses for the other shops like Animate and Amazon pop up, but not Rakuten Books. I did finally see one new listing of someone selling just the badge pins, but that was sold within a few minutes, which made me even more nervous. I would also be nervous getting up in the morning since I didn't want to see that a new listing was posted and sold while I was sleeping! Thankfully I work from home so it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me to refresh the Mercari tabs on my personal computer whenever I had a minute. But as the days went by and I didn't see any new listings, I started getting mad at myself that if I had only started seriously searching for it right on release day, I would have had at least five chances to get it and could have saved myself this hassle. I even sent a message to Rakuten Books via their online form, asking (in Japanese) if they could somehow sell it to me and ship internationally, etc. But their response was pretty much what I expected...a polite "no."

But then, on the evening of May 4th, I found a new listing and immediately bought it! What should have been a red flag though is that the person was selling it for $30 (with the badge pins included), while everyone else had been selling it from around $80-$100. The title they gave to the item was weird too; they simply called it "Spy Family" instead of "Spy Family Chara Fine Graph" or "Spy Family Rakuten Books Bonus" or something descriptive like that. But the seller had a decent rating so I didn't think there was a problem. After I got the email from Buyee (my proxy service) that they successfully bought the item, I thought I was all set. I closed out all my search tabs and went to bed feeling satisfied.

However, when I got up the next morning, my heart sank when I saw that about an hour after I had gone to bed, Buyee sent me another email saying that they refunded and cancelled my order! The reason they gave was "due to the convenience of the seller" 😫

But what was most frustrating about this is that, when I checked the searches again, I saw that the same seller had relisted the item, with a higher price and more descriptive title, and it had been sold already. What probably happened is that the seller realized they made a mistake with the title and price of the listing and wanted to change it, which Mercari apparently allows them to do even after it had already been sold and paid for!

I was furious with Mercari for allowing this. The least they could do in a situation like this is give the original buyer, like, one day to buy the item again with the increased price before the seller is allowed to relist it again. I wanted to write to the seller and/or Mercari, but I wasn't able to make a Mercari account since it's restricted to Japan. I was also internally yelling at myself that if I had just started searching for it within a day or two of release instead of procrastinating, I could have avoided all this. So it was back to square one, but I wasn't going to give up! I opened up more search tabs with even more refined search terms. I also expanded to other proxy-supported shops like Surugaya and Yahoo Japan Auction. I even got my mom to help me, since she's often up in the middle of the night and can check in case anything is listed during that time while I'm asleep. I downloaded the Buyee app too so I could check listings even if I was away from my computer. With all this, I was hopeful I'd be able to buy it again, though it was more of a question of "when" than "if." With second-hand collectibles, you never know when they could pop up...I could find a new listing the next day, or not for a year or two. But I just kept up the searching, and finally, after another month went by, on June 3rd (June 4th in Japan, so technically Twiyor day 😁) I finally found it again...on Yahoo Japan Auction of all places!

I had never bought via auction before so I was a bit nervous I'd get outbid or something. But I immediately clicked the "pay buyout price option" (which was only a few dollars more than the original price) and, thankfully, a short while later Buyee informed me that I successfully won the auction! But after what happened before, I was still paranoid that it could get canceled for whatever reason. But that didn't happen, and after waiting for shipping, it finally came~

I always like to add a "lessons learned" in these situations, so I'd say the lesson here is don't be blasé or procrastinate when it comes to something you really want. And of course, being persistent pays off more than not!

#spy x family #sxf #spy family #spyxfamily #twiyor #loid forger #yor forger #sxf merch

115 notes · View notes

061306 · 1 year ago

Text

␥ list of things i’ve successfully manifested !

i discovered manifestation and the law around early 2022 and here's what i have manifested since then! this might not be much but this is to remind me that i am capable of anything and everything!

𖥻 1. clearer skin

i used to have a terrible breakout on the right side of my face + oily skin. now my skin is much better and less oily! i do not have acne anymore.

𖥻 2. weight loss ( 14 kgs )

i went from 69 kgs to 55 kgs in around two months with minimal exercise ( walking ) & a simple diet.

𖥻 3. height increase ( 11cm )

i used to be 150cm but not anymore lol. i got better proportions too!

𖥻 4. text messages & instant replies from people.

i also manifested message from a friend i was no longer in contact with.

𖥻 5. passing exams i thought i was going to fail

accountancy was my weakest subject but i manifested passing several tests and exams. i also manifested getting better in it!

𖥻 6. getting above average % board exams

board examinations are a big deal in my country and i, unfortunately, ended in a stream i was not interested in. i manifested getting ~80% in them despite getting way lesser in school examinations.

𖥻 7. food

one single thought turned into an assumption and i am having whatever i want for dinner!

𖥻 8. storage of my phone increasing

i only have 32gb of storage in my phone lol. so sometimes i have to clear app caches to make space, but not anymore.

𖥻 9. love confession

i simply wanted a love confession and i got it. as easy as it gets.

𖥻 10. an increament in my mom’s salary & money for myself

my mom really wanted an increament and i manifested it! she got increament of 5.5k! also manifested a bonus for her. + got gift money from my parents and relatives!

𖥻 11. letting go of & detaching from several people

i used to be attached some people that hurt me but not anymore. i have let go of them and it feels so much better.

𖥻 12. books & manga ( jjk )

my mom is not the type to let me spend money on buying books ( for leisure reading ), much less a comic book. but i manifested her allowing me to buy 4 books + 1 manga volume! she even paid for them.

𖥻 13. delaying the start of my college, teachers & professors taking leaves, not getting scolded for submitting assignments late

my college was supposed to start from early june but i manifested a delay and it started from mid-july. i have manifested both school teachers and college professors taking leaves on my desired days.

𖥻 14. nice aura + compliments

i have a magnetic aura, people feel comfort around me and i get so many compliments about literally everything i do!

𖥻 15. quick deliveries of my orders

🤭🤭🤭

𖥻 16. winning an elocution competition

i was really worried because i only found about it a day before and some other contestants had been trained by their professors. i was full of nerves but still won the first rank! the judges said my content was unique and everything i did was perfect.

𖥻 17. kitten type beauty

manifested myself big upturned eyes with pretty lashes & a v-shaped face with smooth skin!

𖥻 18. cats loving me

call me a cat whisperer the way cats love me! i can easily befriend any cat!!! ˃ᴗ˂

𖥻 19. desired skincare products for cheap

i really wanted vitamin c serum and face cleanser and sometime later i saw an ad with an offer to get both for 1 rupee! crazy right?

𖥻 20. entering the void on several occasions.

i have entered the void several times albeit unaware. recently i've started becoming aware before snapping out of it!

masterlist. | notes – i've also manifested getting a merch of my bias. i got it from my best friend as gift but i didn't add it on the list because i didn't want break the perfect 20. also this list is as on 04 DEC 2023.

236 notes · View notes

mayakern · 2 years ago

Note

I second the person who was talking about polyester being the sticking point for the shirts--I've been following for ages because I love your design sense and color choices, but I don't wear skirts much and between overheating issues & personal sustainability goals I've stopped buying synthetic fabrics. I LOVE the designs and several of them are in color combos I'd love to have in my button-up wardrobe, but alas I know I will not wear a polyester shirt. I'm mentally comparing them to Morningwitch, who does similar graphic cotton short sleeve button-ups for $50 each, and I'd be willing to potentially pay more than that for something as striking as the desert sunset button-up in 100% cotton (idk how scales/suppliers compare), but it would *probably* just be one if the price went any higher. Anyways, I'm wishing you good luck! Sucks about the numbers. They are really stunning designs.

i adore polina's work! i have a couple of her old button ups, which use the same fabric mine have now, but i haven't bought any of her cotton ones so i'm not sure if they're a texture i could wear or not.

(i have unfortunately had bad luck with other small artist natural fiber button ups and found them too rough for my textural sensitivities, so between that and me already owning enough clothing, i haven't bought any more in quite a while)

it's also important to note that polina spent an entire year (maybe longer) and a not insignificant amount of money searching for a natural fiber option for her shirts and that because shirts are her staple item (like skirts are mine), she sells significantly more of them than i do (even before making the switch to cotton), which enables her to drive down her PPU (price per unit) slightly and also charge less for them.

also, when the issue of sustainability comes up, it's not as simple as natural fiber vs. synthetic fiber. everything from the high cost in water for growing cotton, to the fuel cost for transporting it, and then its shorter lifespan (which is part of the point, i know, that natural fiber degrades faster, but it also means longterm you are buying more garments), as well as ethical concerns about labor rights...

in my experience when it comes to being a small brand functioning at my size or smaller, you can typically pick one of the following (if even that): natural fiber, ethical labor, or affordable price point. i have personally chosen to prioritize ethical labor over everything else while doing my best to keep my price points as reasonable as possible without undercutting myself. payroll and office space are expensive. 😅

of course, if you sell a higher volume, you can not only negotiate a lower PPU based on volume of sales (a factory will make more money from your business if you buy 10,000 shirts for $10/piece than if you buy 1,000 shirts for $12/piece*) but you can also get away with a lower margin because you're expecting to sell more units to customers. imagine selling 10,000 shirts for $25/ea instead of 1,000 for $35/ea. even with a profit margin of $15/ea instead of $23/ea, you would only need to sell about 1,534 shirts of your 10,000 to make the same net profit and you'd have almost another 8500 shirts you could keep selling.

*these are not real numbers just an example for easy math and to show how stupid manufacturing math is

#ask #long post #store

512 notes · View notes

grubus · 22 days ago

Text

ughhhhhhhhhhh!!! I had promised myself to buy the "Little Mushroom" books for christmas, as a present to myself, and now they're unavailable??? EVERYWHERE? Some places still sell them as e-books, but how does e-books even work. I've never had e-books. What do you need? A kindle???? I don't have that. Or do I get a pdf file and can read it on my phone? my computer??? Can I print it????

*mopes* one store sells the second volume here, but only in store, not online, and they're like 3 hours away from me. I'm not that desperate. Or even have the money or time if I was. And again, only the second volume.

There's more books from that publisher that looks interesting, and I'm sure I'll mope about that too at one point whenever I decide I wish I had read them before they disappeared. But :(((

all this whining is me hoping maybe someone out there has the physical copies, didn't like the books, or at least not enough to keep them, and would be up for selling them. Or. Something. Though i'm sure any of the books that will be put up for sale will be for some insane prices, so perhaps I should simply give up.

OTL

Anyway, if you guys had planned to buy any danmei books from the "Peach Flower House" publishers, I would suggest you do it now before they're all gone.

#little mushroom #danmei #peach flower house #I could probably hunt down online translations but I just prefer to read from physical books #ahhhh I feel so cheated I was really looking forward to getting these for christmas

16 notes · View notes

mayonaka-mizu · 2 months ago

Text

a bit of self reflection…

i feel so confident that for the first time in my life i’m gonna be able to lose the w3!ght. i’ve tried on and off my ENTIRE LIFE and it’s never stuck.

but now i have the tools i need to do this right.

- i’ve had years of therapy

- i’ve finally been diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, which not only helps suppress my appetite but has greatly increased my impulse control! this means logically thinking through what f00ds im gonna eat is a whole lot easier and im not just b!nge!ng because i can’t control myself. the diagnosis has also helped me get a better understanding of how my brain works and what works for me. i have never been more in tune with myself than i am now.

- i have grown and changed so much over the last few years. i have finally proven to myself that i am capable of positive change, having that knowledge makes me feel confident that i wont give up or fall back into old habits like i always did in the past. i know i can change!

- i am finally properly medicated! i have antidepressants which also act as anti-anxiety, and i have ADHD meds. im more focused than i’ve ever been, and im more emotionally secure and regulated that i’ve ever been. i can still have bad days but like 97% of the time i am absolutely chilling and having a great time being alive. i no longer have any reasons for emotional eating! and when hard times do come up, i am able to work through it on my own and not turn to something to comfort me (besides, like, my bf- but he’s not f00d so it’s fine)

- i have dismantled my previous views about food from growing up and i found the root of why i 0ver3at. this has allowed me to find ways of avoiding that and still getting the same satisfaction as i would from 3at!ng (i.e. texture, why a high volume is so satisfying to me, etc.)

-i buy my own groceries now! i go f00d shopping on my own time and, while i do still live at home, im an adult so no one monitors what im 3at!ng, when, or what f00d im even buying bc it’s my own money. 5 days out of the week im at work for 9-10 hours a day so most of my day is spent not even being around f00d. if i don’t bring anything to work then i don’t 3at anything at work, it’s easy!

i have successfully worked through all of the root causes that caused me to get to where i am now, and for the first time i am attempting 4n4 with all these tools. i know i am EXTREMELY lucky to have had all these opportunities at my disposal, i know therapy and medication isn’t always an option for everyone, so this is by no means a “this is what you need to do to succeed” post because i still haven’t actually succeeded. but all these reasons are motivators for me. since i’ve worked through all root causes there is absolutely no excuse for me to not do this successfully. if i can’t do this, i have nothing else to blame it on other than my self discipline and work ethic. all of my excuses are invalid now, they have all been addressed. so if i can’t do this than that means i deadass just didn’t work hard enough. and that would fucking suck, right?

#anorexla #tw restriction #anor3c1a #ed but not ed sheeran #light as a feather #eating disoder trigger warning #tw ana bløg #tw ana rant #tw ed ana #⭐️ ing motivation #⭐️vation goals #⭐️rving #⭐️ve

10 notes · View notes

iambic-stan · 21 days ago

Text

The Day After

Ugh, I'm so depressed and needed this escapism.

Why did I allow myself to have hope, I wondered, tossing around the last few sips of my drink at the bottom of the glass. Brooks & Dunn's "Neon Moon" was playing quietly. The bright pink lights over the bar and emptiness of the room created just the right ambiance for me to cover myself in melancholy. Living in a red state, I had to find myself a gay bar to sulk at, even if I'd never patronized this one before. Anywhere else, I risked witnessing people celebrating. It was just the day after and nothing else felt remotely safe--physically or emotionally.

I guessed the bar was really only empty because it was 8:00 p.m., not because everyone queer was hiding at home. I simultaneously wanted to be alone but also wanted someone to talk to, even if it was just venting. Or they just vented to me. I didn't think I could stand to talk about anything else as if it was just another day instead of Day 1 of a jarring acceleration to the death of democracy as we all knew it. There was a hurricane in the Gulf. I had a class to teach the next day. Chappell Roan sang a new song on Saturday Night Live. They'd just released a new teaser trailer for season 5 of Stranger Things. Quincy Jones died a couple of days ago. But who the fuck could care? Maybe I would've said as much to the bartender, but he was outside for a smoke break.

My head was buried in my phone and I was doom scrolling when a voice I knew but didn't said, "Come on, twink--you're at the Pink Pony Club but you're not dancing!" and laughed obnoxiously. My head popped up and I took in the heavy clown makeup, boat-neck lime green dress and Fifth Element wig with so much volume you could hide a family of rats in it. I blinked several times. The blinking helped lubricate my eyes with the tears that had settled in them but I still couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Yes--it's me, Bianca Del Rio," she continued. "For once, I'm not the biggest bitch around. I take it you heard that over 70 million Americans put the 'cunt' in 'country' yesterday. They make me look like fucking Mother Teresa, hahaha! Just kidding--she was actually kind of a cunt, too--read the Christopher Hitchens book. Oh fuck I almost forgot--I don't read! Now where is the bartender who gave you that martini you're drowning your sorrows in? No one wants to work anymore, you know?"

"I love you," I choked out. Well that was embarrassing. In a sense, it was true--I was obsessed with Bianca Del Rio and had met her at a show in El Paso--a moment I had replayed in my mind dozens of times though she surely didn't remember it. She met more people than anyone could remember. But also, Bianca Del Rio was not a real person but a drag persona, and I didn't know the man behind her personally, so I couldn't really love either one. But I was shocked, angry, and sad and my social filter was malfunctioning.

"Oh, that's the booze talking," she dismissed, waving her lemon yellow nails at me. "What are you so down about, white man? Didn't buy what he was selling? My whole family's getting deported tomorrow. But Trump does love white men, almost as much as he loves grabbing 'em by the pussy. But maybe you've realized that being white won't help you when people find out you're sticking your dick in some other man's ass."

"I have a vagina," I said, as though it was any of Bianca's or Roy's business. I looked at her face to see the recognition, but it didn't appear to be anything she hadn't heard before, so I kept going.

"So if some asshole rapes and impregnates me, I have to scrape together the money to travel several states over for an abortion...if that's still legal. But it's not just that...it's everything. It's worrying about Obergefell v. Hodges being overturned, the tariff proposals, Ukraine, climate change....the continual funding of Israel..."

She sat down at the bar next to me, nodding solemnly. Slowly, her demeanor changed and I guessed she was slipping out of character, which, even in my despair, melted my heart because she was just so adorable. She reached out and touched my hand, and I took hold of hers. It was so incredibly soft--I wanted to ask if she used some expensive creams, and I never wanted to let go of it. "You're so beautiful," I said, remembering I had said the same thing that night in El Paso.

She jerked her phone out of her purse and said, "Let me get you my opthamologist's number, because clearly you can't see a GODDAMN THING!" I let out a laugh. "There it is!" she said, pointing at me. "I made you laugh. And your name is?"

"Sebastian."

I had barely uttered the last syllable when she retorted, "Faggot," which made me chuckle again in spite of myself.

"Listen, Fag--I mean Sebastian, this is a pretty nice bar--maybe you should go out more and talk to people instead of moping about your useless vote in a sea of red, huh? I try to visit this place whenever I'm in town, though not normally this early. But this way I get to chat with a loser like you and feel better about my pathetic self, you know? And the coming years look bleak, but think about it this way--we'll all die anyway! There's no way out except under...the ground. We're only particles of change orbiting around the sun. That was poetic, right? It wasn't me, though--that was Joni Mitchell."

"I know!" I said, getting a bit excited. "From 'Hejira.' I love that song, and the album."

The bartender walked back in, looking unfazed that a celebrity was sitting next to me. He and Bianca nodded in some unspoken language at one another and he started to make what I guessed was her usual drink.

"What else do you love, Sebastian?" she asked, with a smile that looked quite sincere but comical at the same time with the exaggerated fuschia lip and raccoon eyes.

"Oh, I love heartbeats," I blurted out. Really? I thought. Couldn't go with chai lattes or Cher? Had to go straight to cardiophilia?

"Guess we kind of need them," she said sarcastically.

"Sorry I'm being so weird. I'm a HUGE fan. I just meant I love listening to heartbeats, and having mine listened to. Wow. I can't believe I told you that. Like, I have a stethoscope collection. It's a thing."

When she raised her eyebrows a bit, I knew she'd never heard of this before, which made me feel embarrassed. But she didn't say anything unkind; she just listened.

"Do you want to listen to my heart?" she asked, as the bartender handed her a martini. My eyes traveled to her chest and I watched it rise with an intake of breath. I thought about how strange it was to be so attracted to someone whose public image was meant to be ridiculous rather than sexy. But I still pictured her smile and played the same bits from The Pit Stop in my head whenever I couldn't sleep. I had imagined her heartbeat many, many times.

Bianca didn't wait for a response before opening her arms. "It's nice to meet you again," she said as I leaned toward her, my head landing on her chest just above the collar of her dress. At once I heard the heart of the man behind this larger-than-life queen, thumping loudly--yet slowly and steadily. I focused on his relaxed breathing, tried to allow it to calm my own. I was near Erb's point and could hear every second heart sound clearly, and it was musical. For a moment I forgot why I was so distraught. When I remembered, I let out a long sigh, but I kept my arms wrapped around his waist and listened as long as I could. I knew none of this would be fixed overnight, and maybe some of it never could be fixed. But I had this night, and for now, that would have to do.

5 notes · View notes

thatinsufferablenerd · 28 days ago

Text

Post Spooky Update

The weather is slowly cooling off here finally. Spooky Season is over and another year has gone by without reading any scary books or movies like I say I’m gonna do every year. I’ve been enjoying all the festive content in my different social media feeds instead. Horror book recs from BookTube, video essays that analyze aspects of the horror genre, discussions of films or anime that set the mood. I probably should be more embarrassed of how much YouTube I watch, but seeing as I’m a housewife with a passion for learning and too many interests to succinctly sum up, I’m not going to lose too much sleep over it.

I wish I did have some mood appropriate reads to tell you about. I love books, I love storytelling, I love getting lost in a good book, but my ability to actually get into–let alone through–books has atrophied so much I’ve concluded it’s a Me ProblemTM. When I was young, in elementary and middle school, I could read a book a day. I DID for a long time, exchanging the one I just finished for something new during lunch. And then I got older. I got into movies and writing, I had a job, then I had longer hours, then I had kids that I stayed home with. The library was too far to walk to, we didn’t have money to buy books, and I was too tired to read them anyway. It was easier to focus on honing my craft of writing because it was simpler to hit the backspace button when a toddler smacked my keyboard than risk a library book.

And I regret that. The act of consuming story and pure, distilled joy I get from them is a core part of who I am. If I didn’t love reading, I would never have developed a love for writing. If I didn’t love the stories and characters I read in books, I would never have discovered the love I have for analyzing and discussing them. I would never have learned about the relationship between literature and culture, that I love learning about historical context, the art of interpretation, or linguistics, things like that. Ever since I stopped reading piles of books or trade paperbacks of comics from the library, I’ve said to myself every few months “I miss reading”, “I want to get back into reading”.

It’s not like I haven’t read anything since I was nineteen. Of course I have. I read all five books in the A Song of Ice and Fire series in the span of a year. I read monthly releases of DC comics for years, picked up pulpy romance novels ‘just as a palate cleanser!’, I tried starting book clubs with friends, promises of ‘I won’t buy or borrow any books until I read the ones I have’. And then I’d get through a few chapters of whatever I picked up only to put it down for the last time. I’ve made some progress! I read A Song of Achilles and Circe by Madelline Miller, Skyward by Brandon Sanderson, I accidentally read the sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter? In the last year. And I’ve gotten further in a lot of the books I’ve picked up than before. I’ve been reading manga more than anything the last few years. My Hero Academia, Spy x Family, My Dress-up Darling, Dungeon Meshi, Demon Slayer, One Piece, all stories I’ve enjoyed and have a lot to say about! I re-read the last six volumes of Demon Slayer a few weeks ago and wrote an entire comment section dissertation about it, the latest installment in a series that serves as the quiet void I shout into.

The first step for me was probably accepting that I’m never going to be able to read like I did in middle school. That’s okay, right? I might not have a JOB, but I am a grown-up with grown-up things to do. And it’s not like I’ve been sitting on my ass the whole time. I’ve learned so much, like how to actually form opinions, how to interpret text, how to analyze properly, how to do research, how to really write, among so many other things. Things I had to teach myself. I know, they say ‘the best writers are also prolific readers’. I believe that, I really do. I would never claim that I’m some genius writer and better than people who have gone to school for this or are so well-read that it improves their prose by default. What I am saying is that…I want to get there. I miss reading.

So, I set a small goal for myself. There are so many books out there that I want to read. And sure, my little local library has a limited catalog, and Libby has at least two weeks’ waits on everything, and I can’t afford to buy books brand new, but we can only work with what we have, not what we don’t. I’ve decided to read one contemporary book, one classic, and one (ish) manga a month. Sure, there are going to be some blurred lines here, but I think we’re all mature enough to handle that. I’m going to define ‘classics’ as anything more than a century old. Slaughterhouse Five is newer than that but it is taught as a classic and on my TBR, so maybe it will count as a classic for that month. Who knows? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And if the manga is long, say, more than three hundred chapters, then I might split it into two months.

With that being said, my picks for November are: A Hero of France by Alan Furst, Tolkien’s translation of Beowulf, and for the manga, Bleach.

My local library had a book sale recently. I bought a hundred and thirty books for eighty-five dollars in two trips. Not all of them are novels! I’m very proud of the memoirs and other non-fiction books I got. But that should keep me occupied for a good while yet. Not to mention the books I already have. That Furst novel is one of the ones I picked up last year at the book sale. It’s historical fiction about an agent in the French Resistance. I like historical fiction, I think it’s a versatile genre for both readers and writers. I read about half of a book called Lion’s Blood that was alternate US History last year that I’m gonna have to go back to because I STILL think about it. Anyway, that Furst novel. I’m about halfway through and I’m going to finish it. I’m invested enough to see it through, and I’m enjoying the experience. When I finish it and have had some time to collect my thoughts, you’ll be hearing them.

While at that book sale, my almost nine-year-old became infatuated with a book. He liked the cover and title so much that he wanted me to buy it for him. I told him, “Buddy, this book would be a tough read for a grown-up.” He said he would figure it out, that he would ask for help when he needed it. The book was a dollar, so I bought it. I can’t say I’ve ever read Clive Cussler, but if I can help him understand it, I can be persuaded to read dry historical fiction. I know enough about WWII to explain what’s going on to him. It’s not on my list to get done by the end of November, but it is a high priority read.

I picked Beowulf (and this translation) specifically because A) I know how influential Beowulf is on western storytelling, B) I’m a fan of Tolkien as a writer as well as his love of and gift for languages, C) I watched Monstrum’s episode on Grendel’s Mother and the Cardinal West YouTube documentary on Tolkien in the last few months, both of which I enjoyed a lot, and finally D) I’m a fan of Dr. Chase from The Best of Fantasy. My friend was kind enough to surprise me with a shiny new copy. It’s probably going to be a difficult read for me. I plan on taking notes and going slow to really digest it. I’m also trying to talk my mom into a buddy read, but we’ll see how the cookie actually crumbles with that one.

Now, for how I landed on Bleach. I watched the entirety of Naruto and Shippuden (yes, even the filler) back in 2020, 2021, and then binged One Piece in 2023 into the early part of this year. So, of course, the insufferable nerd in me said ‘I want to be able to say I’ve seen the Big Three’. So I watched the anime. I wasn’t that impressed with it. Yes, certain characters stayed in my brain, yes I LOVE the Thousand Year Blood War (I’m currently behind), but it didn’t really hit me like Naruto and One Piece did. I thought the passion of the fandom might get me more into it. I tried art, lore videos, discussion, analysis, and that did help! But Bleach just…kinda fell by the wayside for me. A lot of fans say the anime isn’t as good as the manga, but it’s a long series. I didn’t have the time or energy to commit, especially when I had other series I was actually into to follow. I do follow One Piece, Spy x Family, and My Dress-up Darling on release. I followed MHA for more than three years week to week, only binging the last hundred or so chapters last month after its conclusion.

And then AJ dropped his video titled ‘The Hollow Melancholy of Bleach’. It brings up some of the feelings I had watching the Fullbringer Arc and the Thousand Year Blood War and expresses something the anime just…didn’t capture for me. But that video and Geoff Thew from Mother’s Basement’s video on Bleach finally sold me. It took me a couple weeks, according to the notes I’ve been taking I started on October fourteenth.

The manga is fantastic. I tried for thirty chapters a day and haven’t been as consistent as I’d like, but I’m in the two-sixties now. The art is beautiful, the character writing is great, the fights are intense, the vibes immaculate and the emotions are SO deep, so complex and resonant. I am so glad I jumped in, and I’m going to continue to take notes as I go.

Reading isn’t the only thing I do, obviously. My first love will always be writing. I took a bit of a break cough-BookTube-cough, but picking it back up is always a joy. I’ll probably be spending some time in front of my white board in the near future working out some world building details that were not super relevant till now. I watched Jake over at Nerd Level Rising talk to Christopher Ruocchio and was sent into a PANIC over idiolects and regional dialect features, which I’ve been doing all along, just not enough? I guess? I looked everything over and did some light edits, took some notes to make things more consistent. Culture is a complex web, all interconnected and inseparable from the individual parts. Building them is hard work, a job that never seems to end, even if the document of notes is for me, not the hypothetical reader.

You could say that I was too heavily influenced by long form stories with extended casts, because even though I’m closing in on a hundred and seventy thousand words, I’m in part two of…five? Maybe? In epic fantasy, there are so many moving parts to keep track of at any given moment aside from the nuts and bolts of prose and pacing. I worry all the time that everything I have is trash, and even if it isn’t, it would never get picked up by a trad publisher and I won’t be able to afford self-publishing. I’ve had some other sets of eyes on my prologue as alpha readers. Positive, encouraging feedback that I’m grateful for! It’s not the same thing as having someone who’s familiar with the story, who knows where my head is at, where I’m going. I don’t write to publish, I do it because I love it. But I’ve been writing for twenty years, and actively working to get better at it for fifteen of them. There’s just nothing to show for it. Everything I’ve finished has ended up in an old computer’s recycle bin or in a literal paper shredder, with abandoned works in progress along the way. As terrifying as it is to expose yourself to the light, it’s impossible to soak in the warmth of sunlight in the dark.

I’m going back to the grindstone when I’m done here. I won’t give up.

Other than all the YouTube distractions and trying to rightfully earn the title of bibliophile, I’ve been trying to watch shows again. Just a few things. I watched Kaguya-sama: Love is War and loved it, enough to put the manga on my TBR. I finally got around to watching Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End with the same result. I watched Dungeon Meshi twice, read the manga front to back. What a story! I’ve been meaning to write an essay on it, but I can’t imagine having anything to say that hasn’t already been said. I watched Mob Psycho 100 and can’t express enough how much it resonated with me. For the first time, I watched Over the Garden Wall. The kerfluffle on Twitter over it being removed and restored to Hulu recently had me digging that up. Quality Culture did a great essay on that series last year which I highly recommend. My friends have been obsessed with the new Interview With the Vampire series, enough to read the books, so I watched three episodes of season one and liked it a lot. I’ll get around to it. I watched Steven Universe: Future, which I’ve been wanting to for a while. We watched the main series with our kids and enjoyed it, and I thought the sequel series built on the themes and story well.

And like everyone else in the anime community right now, I’m watching Dandadan. It’s GREAT. The animation, the sound design and OST, the character writing, the action, all of it is just stunning. It’s funny and got a lot of heart to it. Momo and Okarun are so cute. I haven’t watched the new set of episodes in the Thousand Year Blood War yet, but I’ll catch up in the next week or so. I’ve been impressed with this adaptation, especially with the old series not really pulling me in until its final episodes. Not only is it visually enrapturing, it really hits on the atmosphere and emotions; not just in service to the story but truly elevates the material.

With all the things I take in, it’s probably no surprise that there’s no less than five trains of thought going on at any given time. That video Tale Foundry did last week about Weird Tales and pulp fantasy, and this comment arguing that the fanfic community has stepped in to fill that niche? Yeah, I’m still thinking about it. Zoe Bee’s most recent drop about how metaphor influences the way we think and how that relates to politics? Of course I’m thinking about it! Not just about how it affects rhetoric but how it affects diction in prose, which is more my wheelhouse. Princess Weekes’ follow up to her ‘Tall, Dark and Racially Ambiguous’ essay surrounding casting Heathcliff gave me food for thought, and Jess of the Shire’s fantastic essay ‘Monstrosity & the Vampire’ did too. Tim over at Hello Future Me did a video about ‘Arcology: The City in the Image of Man’ and I’m still chewing on that one too. How could I not? The ideas presented there are FASCINATING, big picture questions about structuring society and the growing subgenre of solarpunk. Broey Deschanel and Final Girl Studios both doing amazing videos on The Substance? Of course I’m over here thinking about them! Final Girl Studios’ essay is called ‘The Simulacrum of Feminine Performance’, how could I not sit here and think about that, and what that is, and what that means?? And on top of all that, I opted into a DnD one shot in a couple weeks! Gonna need a character for that, one that’s PG…man, I’ve been busy!

#spilled thoughts #small talk #digital diary #book tumblr #booklr #writeblr

3 notes · View notes

laurie-stark · 30 days ago

Text

Chapter IV: Billy Eichner

A/N:

thank you again for all the love and support. with this chapter, we wrap up act 1 of cherry bomb volume 1! how exciting.

Word count: 5.5k

Cherry Bomb Masterlist

Friday afternoon rolled around fast, and before I knew it the final bell rang through the school halls. A buzzed energy vibrated off the shuffling groups of students who were all eager to begin their weekends. I was eager to get home and pack my overnight bags, desperate to get out of the city. Brianna was leaning against the locker next to mine, talking at lightning pace about the musical she and her family were seeing that night.

“Wait, you’re seeing Hamilton again?” I asked. I sifted through one of my binders to pull the notes I needed for studying.

“Have you not been listening to a word I’ve said for the last three weeks?” Brianna rolled her eyes. “Yes, I am seeing Hamilton again.” I could have bet money that this would make it her seventh or eighth time seeing the show on Broadway that year alone. I used to think that I was a crazy musical theatre nerd until I met Bri.

“You are so lucky,” I said. I had heard such great things about the show from her and still hadn’t gotten to see it myself.

“Don’t tell me you still haven’t seen it Laur, it’s practically old news by now!” Brianna laughed, tossing ringlets of fire over her shoulder.

“I know, I know!” I said, head thrown back against my locker as I shut it. “I keep trying to get my dad to buy us tickets but he has all these work trips and truth be told I think he forgets to buy them on purpose.”

“Okay, but your dad like, hates musicals, right?” she asked. I nodded and she gave me a genuine look of apology. “Well, I’m sure he’ll just love our show. Maybe Mer and I can finally meet him!”

I grit my teeth and grinned falsely. The Dalton’s school musical was set to happen in June, and my father wouldn’t miss it for the world. But the world had no idea that his daughter was in it, let alone that he had a daughter at all. When we found out I’d be performing, he arranged for a huge donation to the school so that he could attend the show under the guise of “funding youth’s artistic endeavours.” And it was a real kind gesture, I just wished he could come for me without the spangled banners and flashing bills.

“Yeah, maybe!” I choked out. It was a running joke in our friend circle that my parents must be Russian spies or royalty, because neither Brianna nor Meredith have met them. At first, the jokes made me laugh, like the one time Meredith created the elaborate rumour that my parents died in a tragic accident when I was a baby and I was actually raised by my robotic nanny. But with the school year end approaching, and three more years left to go, I was getting stressed about having to maintain the facades.

I pulled my body away from the lockers, signalling to Brianna that I wanted to start moving. We walked side by side through the halls and out to the street. She and I both spotted her dad’s car at the same time. It was parked a few buildings down the block. Mr. Sinclair stuck his head out of the window and waved at us.

“Oh my God, he is so embarrassing.” Brianna covered her eyes with one hand and spun us around with the other. I laughed at the way she shrunk into me. I pulled her into a quick hug to say goodbye.

“You’re lucky that your dad can pick you up though, not everyone gets that,” I said. She pulled back from my embrace with a quizzical look on her face. I realized how what I just said sounded and quickly recovered. “My dad’s still on that damn work trip, I gotta walk today.”

Brianna peered at me through narrowed eyes but resigned to not say anything. She stepped forward and threw an arm around my side to say goodbye, then turned down the street and got into her father’s car.

The straps of my backpack weighed heavy on my shoulders, pinching the skin at the base of my neck. I tightened the straps and turned on my heels to begin the treacherous journey home (all twenty minutes of it).

When I was younger, my dad used to say that the longer the days got, the shorter they felt because everything fun happens when it’s warmer. But back then we split our time between Miami and New York, so it was always warm for him. It wasn’t often that I asked Happy to disregard his unpaid childcare duties, especially in the winter when the streets of New York were covered in slush and mud. The people were always angrier during the cold months, always desperate to get wherever they were going. But God forbid I ever took the bus. Gross.

Today, the sun was beaming down on my face, surrounded by the perfect array of puffy white clouds. It was lucky that my school got out in the early afternoon, I thought. The rush hour wouldn’t begin for another few hours and that meant the commotion on sidewalks was lessened. I made my way south down Park Avenue. This part of the Upper East Side was never all that exciting; mostly a residential area paired with blaring horns and car fumes.

I beelined my way around nannies with strollers, kids on scooters and vendors looking to scam unknowing tourists. The people were the most interesting part of the city. I’d always been good at blending in, at keeping the attention drawn to a minimum. Even when I’d sit at the back of press conferences my Dad was at, nobody batted an eye at the six-year-old in a freshly pressed suit. I fit in well along a people-lined street, where everyone around me was hyper focused on their own lives to pay me any mind. To them I was just another city girl.

Just as I was about to turn the corner and cross the street, a flash of cerulean blue stopped me. A middle-aged man holding a microphone and his camera crew had stopped me in my path. The man was shouting loudly but I couldn’t make out any of the words. He moved with such purpose, so much vigour, I felt like I just been hit by a tornado.

“What?” I yelled back at him. He stuck his microphone in my face. The cord, which was attached to nothing, swung between us.

“I said ‘Miss, for a dollar, who is the worst Avenger?’” the man repeated his question impatiently. A ridiculously giddy smile crept across my face as I realized who he was.

“Iron man.” I leaned into the microphone and smiled cheekily at the camera.

“Wonderful, here!” Billy Eichner thrust a dollar into my hand and took off to his next victim. I struggled to grasp the bill, still reeling from the encounter. Oh, the things that happen in New York. After a moment I shook my head and crossed Park Avenue, wondering if Billy’s segments were live or pre-recorded these days.

The side street I lived on was beautiful, with classic brownstone townhouses and trees lining the sidewalk. Dad and I moved into the new house maybe a month after the Battle of Sokovia. After Dad decided to sell his beloved Stark Tower, we became a couple of regular, townhouse-owning Joe’s…apart from the several other properties he owned.

The house itself was packed tightly between buildings on a street reminded me of a sardine can: two neat rows of houses with absolutely no space to wiggle. Dad picked it because it stood out from the rest; smooth white brick contrasting the surrounding muddy browns and reds. There was something very Roman about the architecture. Dad said it had to have been Italian, and therefore the best on the block. He really liked pulling the Italian card when it made him look cool.

I stepped up to the front door and grasped onto the handle, placing my thumb directly onto the latch. A faint vibration buzzed beneath the pad of my thumb. The door was scanning my fingerprints, a security measure I was all too familiar with. I don’t think there was ever a house, a car, or a bedroom of mine that didn’t require some kind of bodily scanning. The door clicked and I pushed down on the latch, swinging the front door wide open.

I kicked my school shoes off on the entryway mat and padded into the kitchen. Setting my backpack down onto one of the island bar stools, I made my way straight to the fridge for a snack. I settled on a small bowl of strawberries. They were my favourite, and I always missed them dreadfully when they were banned from the house to keep Pepper safe.

A familiar ringtone to the tune of “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift cut the sounds of my chewing. It was muffled by my backpack; I’d left my phone in one of the pockets.

“Who’s calling?” I asked out loud to the empty house.

“Your father,” A.P.R.I.L. responded over the house’s loudspeakers. “Should I answer?”

“Yeah, throw him onto the surround sound.”

“Hey there, little miss.” Dad said after A.P.R.I.L. connected his call. His voice came down right above my head. “How was the rest of your week?”

“Hi Daddy.” I smiled. He had called me after the fiasco that was Wednesday and I cried for an hour about my history test, but he got so busy with M.I.T. that I hadn’t heard from him since. “It was good, glad it’s over. How’s Boston?”

“Oh you know, it’s no tea party,” Dad joked, laughing at himself like he was hilarious.

“You are so lame.” I rolled my eyes and popped another strawberry into my mouth.

“You love my jokes.”

“Yeah, the one’s that are funny,” I laughed staley.

“See? Ha, made you laugh.”

I rolled my eyes at the phone.

“I heard that,” Dad said. I snorted and shook my head, glad that he couldn’t see what I was snacking on. Sometimes when he called he could project a hologram of himself, like a larger-scale FaceTime. “Anyway, more about me. It has been way too long since I’ve been to MIT. Did you know they redid the entire Edgerton Center?”

“I don’t even know what that is, Dad.”

Dad sighed dramatically. “I did not culture you enough growing up.”

And he wondered where I got my flare from. “Were the students happy with your visit?”

“Well, seeing as I am personally funding each and every one of their research projects for the rest of the year, yeah, yeah they were.”

“Very generous Mr. Stark,” I said in a posh British accent. This was one of our bits that originated when we made fun of a British delegate who wanted to buy STARK armoury way back in the day.

“Why thank you, Miss Stark.” Dad’s British accent was not nearly as good as my own.

“Are you still coming back on Sunday?” I asked.

“Yes I am, so don’t throw any ragers while I’m not there, okay?”

“Dad I’m not going to throw a party-”

“But if you do, take a shot in my honour.”

“Dad! You are such a bad influence.”

“You turned out fine,”

“Yeah, thanks to Pepper.” The joke came out faster than I could catch it. Dad went quiet on the other end of the call. I cursed myself for saying anything at all. Silence fell around me like a sheet on old furniture. Silence that reminded you of how distant a father and daughter could be. “Sorry.”

I heard static on the other end, the sound of my father shifting around uncomfortably wherever he was sitting.

“It’s fine, Laurie,” Dad said apprehensively. “It’s fine! Actually no, it’s grand even. You and I haven’t been on our own since…ever, and I’d bet that your psychiatrist would want us to take this time to bond.”

“I’m not even gonna be here this weekend.” I rerouted the conversation, deciding it was probably better for Dad if I didn’t tell him I saw Pepper earlier in the week. His Arc reactor would go out.

“What? Where are you going? Are you seeing a boy?”

“NO!” I slapped my hand across my forehead. There was no way in hell that I’d ever tell my father anything about a boy.

“Last minute spa getaway with the girls? Do tell Mer and Bri that I miss them dearly.” I heard some shuffling in the background as Dad spoke. Voices asking when Mr. Stark would be ready to go.

“You’ve never met them,” I reminded him.

“Eh, bygones. But spill, where are you going? Not that I won’t be tracking your location anyway.”

“I just undid that code in A.P.R.I.L.,” I groaned. The one downside to constructing an artificial assistant using my Dad’s old foundations was that he could get inside her systems almost effortlessly. “Relax. I’m just going up to the compound.”

“Why?” Dad’s tone was sharp. It caught me off guard and I felt myself sink down in my seat.

“I dunno,” I shrugged. “Steve offered the invitation when I was there on Wednesday and I’ve got nothing better to do. Plus, this house is six floors of ‘too big for one person’. I’m lonely.”

“It’s seven floors of really frigging cool! Go swim in the pool, go watch a movie. What do you mean you’re lonely?” Dad exclaimed. The last question came out all jumbled up, like one big word. “You’re not lonely, you got Happy!”

“Happy is a grown man. With a job, and a life,” I retorted. I had gotten up from my seat to put my now empty bowl into the dishwasher.

“He’s our grown man.”

I shook my head at nothing for the hundredth time during this call and picked up my backpack to take to my room upstairs.

“Dad,” I drawlled. “It’s not a big deal, it’s just the compound.”

“Okay, well I just don’t see why you need to go all the way up there.

“Is ‘I want to’ not enough of an answer for you?” I shot back, more harshly than I intended to.

The truth was, I knew that my dad was weary about me still having a close relationship with the remaining Avengers. He didn’t like that I was training at all, he thought it would put ideas in my head about wanting to become an agent again. But I knew deep down it was just for fun, and to get a handle on the powers that were growing more uncontrollable each day. I never wanted to become an Avenger, and I only liked being an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. because I liked being a part of something bigger than myself. With everything that happened in Sokovia or Washington in the last few years…I was happy to be rid of it all. But I was not happy to be rid of my family.

“I am going,” I started, “to spend time with people that I love, okay? That’s all.”

I heard Dad sigh into the phone. “Okay. Fine. But do me favour when you’re there.”

“What’s that?”

“Grab one of those stink bombs we made for April Fools Day and plant it in the old man’s office.”

“Oh my god, shut up!” I shook my head in embarrassment, but couldn’t help the smile that crept across my lips. “I need to pack a bag, and you need to go take care of whoever has been calling your name for the last ten minutes.”

My father said goodbye, but not without shooting another joke across the cell line. I disconnected the call the moment I stepped into our elevator, pretending that I lost reception. We both knew that wasn’t true, Tony Stark would never stand for a reception-less elevator.

…

An hour and a half later, the train I was on pulled into an Upstate station. I funnelled through the sea of people making their way through the station out onto the streets. I wasn’t sure who was picking me up today. I had sent a message in our team groupchat about my arrival time and I hoped someone had seen it.

I repositioned the duffle bag on my shoulder and sought higher ground to scope out the parking lot. There was a small garden surrounded by stones near the station’s entrance. I climbed up onto it. The sea of cars all looked the same to me and the sunlight reflecting off the metal was nearly blinding. To my far right I noticed a Black Corevette. Natasha’s car, I thought. But the tall figure leaning against it was definitely not Natasha.

I staggered down from my rock and headed over to greet my mystery chauffeur. The sun was beginning to set behind them, casting a dark shadow that hid their face. It didn’t take long for me to recognize the shortly cut hair and tall physique. Steve Rogers was leaning against the passenger door of the car. He had his cellphone up to his ear talking to someone. I thought it was silly that he refused to upgrade from his little flip phone.

“I will talk to your dad, kid. I promise. You know how much is going on for him.” I overheard the end of his conversation as I approached. “No, I know. I’m not excusing his behaviour, I just want to give him a break…Yes, you are, Theo, you are so smart.”

As I got closer Steve caught a glimpse of me and I heard him cut his phone conversation short.

“Listen Theo, Laurie just got here so I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you later.” Steve paused, listening to the response on the other line. “Okay kid, goodbye now.”

“Everything alright?” I asked as I approached him.

“Oh yeah, I was just calling to say hi.” Steve smiled, flashing perfect pearly white teeth. “How was the ride up?”

I shrugged. “Good. There was a baby sitting across from me.”

“Cute,” Steve said as he leaned down to open the car door for me. Seven decades in the ice couldn’t knock the gentleman out of him. The commute to the compound was only fifteen minutes, of which I spent thirteen filling Steve in on the raunchy relationship drama between the kids who sat in front of me during math class.

…

Unlike my room at home, where the sunrise poured in through the windows in the morning, I could always sleep in at the compound. The floor to ceiling panels here were west facing, which gave me the well-deserved rest I craved, and a killer view of the sunset over the lake. On this bright Sunday morning, I woke up just before eleven like a tried and true teenager.

I sat up in bed, stretching my arms above my head while an exorbitant yawn filled the room. The muscles in my shoulders and arms ached. Natasha hadn’t been kidding when she said I was going to make up for my behaviour in our last training session. I spent all of Friday night and most of Saturday running drills and practicing the same old fighting techniques with her. It was safe to say that the relaxing weekend I had planned made me even more tired than the week I had before.

I padded down the hallways of the west wing, past the closed doors of the other dorms. Eventually the walls opened up to the wider living space of the compound. I stepped into the kitchen to pour myself a much-needed cup of coffee. Resting against the island counter, I looked out towards the sitting room as I took my first few sips.

Despite midday creeping up, the place was almost a ghost town. Usually the compound was buzzing with Avengers in the kitchen or trainees chatting in the living room. There was always the commotion of life echoing off the walls, with family-style dinners and comradery. But for whatever reason, the last weekend had been anything but warm and friendly.

I was certain that something terrible had happened during the last mission my team went on. The night before during dinner, Natasha and Sam hardly said a word to me, let alone to each other. I was sat across them, watching nervously as they avoided any sort of eye contact with each other. To my side, Steve had been parading around as his typically cheery self, but it felt performative. He was overcompensating, but for what I couldn’t tell. And I hadn’t seen Wanda once.

In the corner of my vision I noticed one of the throw pillows on the couches move. I leaned further over the counter to investigate, only realize that it was not a pillow, but a head. Steve was sprawled across one of the couches, his head propped up against the armrest as he was reading a book. I must have completely missed him when I walked into the kitchen.

I hopped off the stool I was sitting on and trudged over to the living room. Steve heard the gentle thump of my footsteps and looked back. He smiled warmly when he caught my eye, sitting up to make room for me on the couch beside him. I plopped right down, tucking my knees under me so we could sit shoulder to shoulder.

“Good afternoon,” Steve said with a grin.

“It is not afternoon,” I said from behind my coffee mug. “Yet. Where’s everyone else?”

Steve inhaled sharply. I felt his shoulder tense. “I’m not sure. We’ve all been doing our own thing the last few days.”

The muscles in my jaw clenched. I couldn’t figure out what happened to the team I started out with, the team that saved the world in Manhattan. Ever since Ultron, ever since Sokovia fell to pieces and took me down with it, the balance felt off. Maybe it was because we still had no idea where Bruce or Thor were. Maybe they were the glue. Steve opened his mouth again as if to give me another glimpse into his world, but he shut it just as quickly.

I decided enough was enough. I was fed up with walking on eggshells around what had happened on that mission.

“Okay, that’s it.” I sat up straighter so that I could stare Captain America down. “Cut the crap, please.”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“I’m done with your propaganda-style acting. It’s bullshit-”

“Langauge!”

“Sorry.” I inhaled shallowly. “But seriously, what the hell happened on your last mission?”

Steve brought a hand to the back of his neck and sighed. “It was rough. We thought had all the information but we didn’t, and some bad calls were made.”

I waited silently for him to go on. When he didn’t, I leaned forward with an expectant face. “Okay, so what happened?”

He looked around like he wanted to make sure no one else was listening. “I don’t think I’m at liberty to say, hon.”

“Come on, dude! It’s me.” I felt frustration bubbling up and burning behind my eyes. Fingernails dug into my palm to keep gravity in place.

“Laurie, we are all okay,” Steve said earnestly. He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, but it felt more like a warning. “That’s really all that matters.”

“No, of course,” I held my hands up. My word were laced with sarcasm “Because having zero information about what happened or about the wellbeing of my team is incredibly helpful Steven.”

Steve ignored the nickname. “Well, you aren’t a part of the team, Laurie,” he said slowly.

I blinked. My head ricocheted backwards, the words firing like a slap to the face. I pushed Steve’s hand off my shoulder with so much force I almost thought I’d accidentally used my abilities. I must have been showing everything on my face, because Steve rose to his feet as I scrambled onto mine.

“Laurie, hold on. You know that’s not what I meant,” Steve said, waving an imaginary white flag.

“No, no.” I kept my hands up, creating a gap between us. “You’re right. I’m not an agent anymore. I’m not S.H.I.E.L.D..”

I walked backwards as I spoke, towards the dormitory hallway. I turned my back to him and sped down the hall to my room. Steve did look genuinely sorry, but I couldn’t get over how easily he had said it. As though he had it hidden underneath his tongue the whole time. He wasn’t wrong either, my affiliation with S.H.I.E.L.D. was revoked after Sokovia. I wasn’t an Avenger anymore.

Ultron was all the worst sides of my father put into one entity. Obsessive, controlling, and dangerously powerful. He took what he wanted, and also took the things he needed to get his way. I knew that my father felt completely powerless when Ultron managed to capture and use me like a chess piece.

It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me either. After Sokovia fell, Dad wanted me as far away from imminent danger as possible. He told me his decision was final because I had already lost so much of my childhood. I never felt like I’d missed out on a normal life, but I opted to let Dad think he knew better than me.

As I sulked my way down the long hallway, I noticed one of the doors was cracked open. Wanda’s room was painted grey, with accents of purple and teal throughout. Light from her windows spilled onto the floor beneath my feet. I could hear muffled voices coming from behind the door, but I knew she was alone. Before I had a chance to think, my feet had turned to the right and I was in her doorway.

My body nudged the door slightly, giving me a better visual of the room. The TV was on and playing the news. I had stopped keeping up with the news after everything with the Mandarin; I always got the heebeegeebees at the thought of a newspaper. Wanda was sitting on her bed, knees tucked under her chin and arms wrapped around herself. I knocked gently on the doorframe, not wanting to startle her.

My heart seized when she turned her head. Wanda’s eyes were masked by dark bags and it was obvious now that she had been crying. The sight of her made me so uncomfortable, the way anyone would get when they see their role model in shambles.

Wanda blinked slowly at me before drawing her attention back to the TV. I took that as my invitation. Gingerly, I took a seat beside her on the edge of her bed and listened to what the newscaster had to say.

In a matter of minutes, all of Steve’s backhandedness, all of Natasha and Sam’s distance and Wanda’s swollen eyes made sense. I held my breath as images of bruised and bloody citizens flooded the streets of Lagos. One video in particular kept playing on a loop. An office building on fire after a detonated explosive had been thrown at it by none other than Wanda herself. The death toll ran along the bottom of the screen, along with the headline, Have the Avengers gone too far?

Wanda had the remote in her hand and was re-running the program over and over. I knew I should have taken it from her, I should have turned the television off. But just like I did in the gym, my body felt frozen in place. I told myself there was nothing I could do that would relieve Wanda from her grief, so there was no point in trying. I shuffled closer to her, leaning my chin on her shoulder and bracing one arm behind her and holding the hand in her lap with my other.

We watched the segment another three times, and each time I morphed my body more and more into Wanda’s. I thought that knowing what happened in Lagos would answer all the questions I had, but I found myself getting more and more confused. I could not wrap my head around how Natasha or Steve let the fight get to that point. If I had been there I could have helped, if they had just let me help…

Our heads turned synchronously when the TV screen turned black. Steve stood in the doorway with his arms crossed. He leaned against the doorframe, eyes glassy. The muscles in my jaw twitched when I held his gaze, still reeling from the offhand comment he made earlier.

Wanda stared off into space as she spoke. “It’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“That’s not true.” Steve and I spoke at the same time. I tightened my grip on Wanda’s hand.

“Turn the TV back on,” Wanda replied, her tone disheartening. “They’re being very specific.”

“I should have clocked that bomb vest long before you had to deal with it,” Steve said. He moved forward, taking a seat beside me. I scooted backwards a bit, giving him more room to sit and myself more distance from him. I could tell he noticed, because he faltered as lowered himself down. He was expecting to lean on me. “Rumlow said ‘Bucky’ and all of a sudden I was a sixteen year old kid again in Brooklyn,”

I cocked my head at him, puzzled. When I found out they were going away, I got A.P.R.I.L. to steal the pre-mission reports. It said that they were going after Rumlow because he had biological warfare. What did Bucky Barnes have to do with anything? I fought the urge to ask.

Two years ago when James Barnes had resurfaced, my good friend Steve began the wildest of goose chases. And of course, Nick Fury had found a way to get me tangled up in it all. Despite all the stories Steve had told me in the time between, to paint his friend in a better light, I could not shake the memory of the masked man who threw a car at me on a thirty-foot-high bridge. Next to Ultron, Bucky had been the closest anyone has ever been to killing me.

“And people died. That’s on me.” Steve continued to offer support to his fellow agent, but his words fell onto deaf ears.

“It’s on both of us.” Wanda’s voice was so quiet that I almost missed it. Steve glanced back at me. His face was painted with a slurry of emotions. It made the room feel so heavy.

“I’m sure you both did your best,” I squeaked. It was a strain to get the sentence out; it felt so artificial. My brows furrowed and I clenched the fist that wasn’t supporting my weight. Steve offered me a trying smile.

“This job…we try to save as many people as we can,” Steve said quietly. “Sometimes that doesn’t mean everybody. But if we can’t find a way to live with that, then next time maybe nobody gets saved.”

Wanda nodded along to Steve’s words. We resigned to sit in silence for a moment, as Wanda leaned her weight back against me. A pulse of energy in my core kept me centered. Steve brought a warm hand to my back, and this time I did not push it away.

All three of us jumped when Vision appeared, his body moving seamlessly through the solid wall. I had had very minimal interaction with it…him, since he was created. Vision was a mystery to me, a complex tangle of life and code that I both felt drawn to explore and terrified to touch.

“Vis! We talked about this,” Wanda reprimanded her red and blue counterpart. Unbeknownst to me, walking through walls must have become a regular occurrence.

“Yes, but the door was open so I assumed that…” Vision trailed off when he saw the disapproving look on Wanda’s face. “Captain Rogers wished to know when Mr. Stark was arriving.”

That certainly caught my attention. My dad, here? He wasn’t supposed to be back from Boston until tomorrow.

“Vision, what are you talking about?” I sat up a little straighter.

“Thank you. We’ll be right down,” Steve said. It was as if I hadn’t even spoken. Typical.

“I’ll use the door,” Vision said lightly. “Oh, and apparently he’s brought a guest.”

In a flash, my heart leapt and came crashing down with the hope that it would be Pepper. Foolish thinking, I knew she was long, long gone. Even still, the question still remained: What was Dad doing here, and more importantly, why didn’t he tell me that he was coming?

“We know who it is?” Steve asked.

”The Secretary of State.”

#fanfiction #marvel #peter parker x reader #tony stark #steve rogers #tony stark x daughter!oc #peter parker x stark!oc #peter parker x stark!reader #tony stark's daughter #laurie stark #peter parker #natasharomanoff #original characters #marvel fanfic #marvel fic #mcu fanfic

3 notes · View notes