#I had never done enough damage to myself then for any of it to be permanent

[ghostickle]

.

[drdemonprince]

The conversations about accountability & apologies that we've been having in social justice circles these last few years have basically trained everybody to fawn.

We've been telling people that if they are accused of any wrongdoing or of hurting anybody's feelings, it is their obligation to apologize immediately, and never to hedge, disagree, or to explain their rationale what they've done.

In their apology, we expect them to articulate every single thing that they have done that was damaging in the strongest language possible and to declare outright that they have harmed someone, often multiple groups of people, even if they are not sure of the impact (or could not even possibly be sure).

If a person's apology is anything but immediate and entirely self-excoriating, we accuse the person of downplaying the damage they have done, failing to be accountable, and manipulating others.

In this way, we've made it impossible for a person to ever take their own side lest that be taken itself as a form of wrongdoing. We have trained our fellow social-justice-minded people to believe that if they do anything but worsen the case against themselves, they are being irresponsible.

I say we, in all of this, because I have partaken in all of this rhetoric, made these kinds of criticism, given accused people this type of advice.

And I have followed it myself, often to a damaging effect.

I have taken responsibility for problems in which I truly did not believe I played a part, I've overstated the damage that I've done so as not to risk understating it, I've ascribed malice to my intentions when I knew it wasn't there, I've agreed with people's most negative, bad-faith narratives about conflicts involving me that they were not even present for, offered up information about myself that was not a third party's business in the name of transparency, apologized for things I haven't done -- and in doing all of this, I have denied my loved ones the opportunity to really hear me about what I was going through and my motivations when I was in conflict with them, things that any true friend or close associate would obviously want to hear about if they cared about me.

This aim of giving the perfect apology and taking perfect accountability has been nothing but an isolating force in my life, because it has barred me from openly entering into necessary conflict with people when our needs were incompatible or they had hurt me just as much as I'd hurt them. The fear of being a manipulative, unaccountable DARVO-er has led me to roll onto my back and expose my belly, falling over myself with panicked apologies and the most unflattering information possible cast in the least explicable light, almost outright begging for others to become angrier at me and believing that it was only way I could ever possibly be accepted back.

We've drilled into people that the way to be good and responsible is to allow people to view us as negatively as possible, to even arm others with information that will confirm that point of view, and to never insert our own perspective or needs on the matter at all.

And yeah, there are a lot of shitty people out there who dodge accountability easily because their power ensconces them from any consequences. but the primary problem with that was never that they wrote a shitty notesapp apology that used the unforgivable phrase "I am sorry if you felt XYZ." The real problem was that there was no community that held enough influence to hold them to account, and for their victims there weren't ever adequate supports or protections.

instead of addressing any of that in a remotely systematic way, we have taken to picking apart every accused person's every word and deed for evidence of inner moral failure and created a culture in which we think we can determine a person's safety by how artfully they put words together when they are under threat. and what do you know, plenty of bad faith actors and conflict avoidant cowards and people who just dont understand what they are even being accused of can do that just fine.

[henneseyhoe]

Just One More.

Lewis Hamilton x BLACK!FEM!Reader

WARNINGS: SMUT SCENES(nun too serious)!!! HEAVY breeding kink(i couldn’t help myself), Wife!reader, pregnancy, Dad!Lewis, Lewis being a hornball, some fluff here and there,SHORT! UNEDITED FOR RN! I think that’s it!

SUMMARY: After having twin boys, Lewis begs his beloved wife for one more baby, hoping this time it’d be a girl.

|2|3|4|

✮✮✮✮

“You said one more, right? Just one more”

He smirks as he bounces you his arms, your body helplessly following with the flow as you couldn’t do anything with your legs folded how they were anyhow.

“One more” You whimper with a nod of your head, your brain not even coming close to calculating what you had gotten yourself into.

“One more, baby” He confirms with an innocent tone like he wasn’t currently folding his wife like a lawn chair, running the risk of waking your twins up even though they were down the hall.

Days passed and you couldn’t get his hands off of you, the man giving not one moment to allow you to collect yourself after a simple agreement that you’d stop taking your birth control. At the time you hadn’t even stopped yet, but he was still prevalent with his ‘you never know’, hoping somehow you’d still get pregnant.

You’d get home from work and before you were able to take your heels off he’d be warning you that the kids were asleep now so you’d have to keep it down and only asked about your day in between kisses and ripping off your shirt, the answers being halted as soon as you were bent over the arm of your couch and fucked from behind by your eager husband, the grip he had on your hips enough to bruise.

It was clear that Lewis wanted nothing more than a daughter. Of course he loved his two hard headed boys, but a daughter? She was a dream he’s had for a while now. He felt he needed a girl to soften him up after raising two little boys for five years, and he was determined to get one out of you. Lewis was ready to be surrounded by princesses, glitter, pink and hair bows.

For the last few weeks he spent time getting you alone so he could fill you to the brim, taking you down anywhere that had a lock on the door or a surface to lay you on, sometimes not even that. The first time was in the laundry room when you were drying clothes, a month after you told him yes to a baby, a day after he was 100% sure you stopped taking your pills. Closing the door behind him and setting a basket in front of the door to avoid any unwanted little guests, your husband casually pulls up your sundress as you were loading the dryer and slides your panties to the side, the man on his knees with his tongue on your clit before you could even tell him you were busy.

The next time he took you down was in his personal gym, him just finishing a workout and you in the middle of your much needed yoga to stretch your sore muscles from the damage he had done the other night. Catching you in a downward doggy position, you felt his fingers shamelessly run between your lips that were covered by your favorite gym shorts, the pads of his fingers pressing against your clit almost making your knees buckle. You slowly look up from your position, making eye contact with him in the mirror in front of you.

“May I help you, Mr. Hamilton?” You ask.

“You already know what I want, Mrs. Hamilton” He responds back in a sing-song tone and before you knew it you were getting creamed on a workout bench, Lewis using his fingers to stuff what had spilled when he pulled out back inside of your pussy. You sat there tired and absolutely bewildered with how feral your husband could get sometimes. Last time he was on ten like this you two scored twins, and you could only pray the twins that run in your family wouldn’t catch up to you again.

The next day you thought you were free of the teenage boy-ish sex drive your husband had. The twins were home and using the living room as their personal playroom though they had their own, and you took that as an excuse to distract them with toys as you read your favorite book in the kitchen where you could see them. Unluckily for you, the ADHD they inherited gave them the ability to not exactly not focus, but focus a little too much. Lewis had turned on their favorite show and made sure the volume was three notches higher than what it was supposed to be before sneaking into the kitchen with you.

You could feel he was up to something as you side eyed him from the sitting nook, but surprisingly he walked right by you, your eyes following him all the way to your home office. He knew you hated him in there.

You slam down you book after marking your page and follow after him, only to realize you had been duped when you heard the door close and lock behind you. You were starting to almost regret telling him your ovulation cycle.

✮✮✮✮

When you two got the news that it was twins, you were both in shock, Lewis a bit more over the moon than you of course because who wants to incubate twins for the second time around, but you both were happy nonetheless. The real kicker was finding out that one of them was a boy, and the other unknown.

“What do you mean you can’t see it? Is there something wrong?” You asked nervously and Lewis squeezes your hand, already knowing how your nerves were.

“Well, not really. The problem is that twin A is still blocking twin B. This is your last few weeks and it’s a bit camped in there now, so they’re kinda just laying in an uncomfortable position. Even if I were to do a vaginal ultrasound, it’d be pretty hard to tell” Your doctor chuckles, making you sigh in relief and look at Lewis, his face unreadable.

When you two left the building and went home, you could tell Lewis was a bit disappointed.

“You okay?” You ask, holding the hand he had placed on your thigh as he watched TV. He nods and gives you a small smile, his eyes not moving from the screen.

“You know I wanted a girl, but obviously god has other plans. It’s okay, really”

You hum. “…Look on the bright side, baby B might be a girl” You smile back, your husband laughing and shaking his head.

“Let’s be real! It’s gonna be two boys again”

“You don’t know that”

“I do. And it’s okay…We’ll always have another time to try for a girl” He smiles wider, looking to you.

You blink for a moment, realizing he was serious. “…Another time?! You are out of your mind!” You hit his arm and he groans, begging you in the mist of your refusals.

“Absolutely not, Lewis! You said just one more months ago and that one more turned into two!”

“So you wouldn’t want to try again if they’re both boys? Really?”

“Lewis, if this one is a boy, I might move out. That’s your answer!” Lewis bursts into laughter as your hand moves to your round belly, feeling a kick hit right below your belly button.

“And one of them is beating on me right now! I can’t live in a house with five boys, I can’t even believe I let three of them plus an alleged one stay inside me”

“Well…Four plus an alleged one. One of them was just on and off..In and out” You gasp at his dirty joke and shove him again, more laughs erupting from him.

✮✮✮✮

💌:i’ll probably make another part to this just cause Dad!Lewis is superior and maybe write an actual smut too idk yet

[richarlotte]

something on your mind?

Time to talk about love.

My friends, my good friends who are in Chicago, D.C., Montreal, Philly, and New York and who are in amazing relationships, share one thing: they focused on bettering their lives and themselves, and good men fit into the picture they were focused on painting. There was no “I’m going to find a good man and do the work later,” and there were no excuses made as to why they were neglecting themselves in favor of finding someone to take care of them; there were many distinct efforts made to better themselves, and when the right people came along, things fell into place naturally on both sides and progressed smoothly.

 

There’s a lot of focus on whether someone will fit into your life on Tumblr, but not a lot of talk about what’s going on on the other side. If you’re unhealed, uneducated, emotionally unstable, and unfit for a relationship, do you really think that you’ll find someone who’ll want to stay with you and do the healing for you? I say this not to be unkind but to be realistic. In order to form a strong, long-lasting relationship with someone, you have to be healthy and ready to deal with the conflicts and disappointments that occur in anyone’s life. If you have never had to deal with the things that can arise in any romantic relationship and you’re not mentally prepared to in the first place, you’ll find that it’ll be harder for you to keep things together and remain stable when life feels hard.

 

I have been in relationships before—healthy relationships—and I have thrived in them. But I’m also a person with trauma, and I know how that trauma presents itself and I know my triggers. It took me plenty of therapy, lots of listening to myself and acknowledging my feelings, and tons of breakups before I recognized both what I needed and what I was subconsciously seeking out. All of my friends who have made their longterm relationships last know what they’re looking for, know what they need, and know themselves well enough to walk away before things end on bad terms. Self-work must be done if you want to truly thrive in life, and you must have the ability to reflect on the things you could have done better.

 

Myself and the people I’ve known who’ve gone from struggling to thriving in relationships all share one common denominator: we’ve done the hard work associated with success, and we’re all willing to continue doing the work needed to get what we want. It’s incredibly hard and very damaging to one’s psyche to go through life with a clear image of what you want in your mind but a lack of awareness that limits you from getting what you want. It’s important to understand that you can overcome the obstacles in your own path and you can also overcome being an obstacle yourself. There are effective ways to heal, books you can immerse yourself in, therapists you can see, and things you can do to build yourself up so that you can thrive and feel more confident in your love life.

TL;DR:

You have to be willing to do the inner work before you seek out a romantic partner. A relationship won’t repair you if you feel broken; only you can heal yourself and fix your trauma. It’s an important part of finding yourself and finding a love that lasts and feels healthy.

[the-second-hand-unwinds]

1x04: "just kind of an asshole and a bad friend" - this scene, though!!

I don't see this scene discussed all that much, but for me it's a massive turning point, not just in the Lokius friendship but for Loki's own growth as a person who doesn't want to let down the people he respects and cares about. Mobius completely blows Loki's mind here and cuts him down with a graceful, yet blunt skill. He can almost read Loki's mind; no one has ever understood Loki like this before. But more importantly, why Mobius' reply here means so much:

He's not raising his voice. He's not giving Loki the angry and hurtful response that Loki expects and wants right now. That's because if Mobius hurts Loki back, if he retaliates in kind, it will distract Loki from the fact that he was a dick to the first real friend he ever had. It will make it much easier for Loki to lie to himself and excuse his actions, while avoiding any guilty feelings. Mobius is not going to give him that.

Mobius also refuses to play along with Loki's bratty drama, instead speaking to him in an honest way, showing that yeah, Loki did let him down and hurt his feelings. And that Mobius is angry, sure. But it's not a moment for petty, fake drama such as Loki tries to ignite.

Instead, it's his friend saying "I trusted you and put myself on the line for you and you betrayed me. You don't get to make this about anything else." (more below the break)

Owen Wilson's delivery on these lines could not have been more flawless. We get all of Mobius' feelings; he's just a regular guy at the end of the day, and his genuineness, his integrity is not what Loki is used to dealing with. He's knocked the ground out from under Loki, this simply, this easily.

Emotional stakes instead of shallow, selfish ones. Loki is thrown into real shock by this turn of events. This is not how he's used to being dealt with when he's been "bad." The child in Loki never matured past these tantrums, for reasons we can easily guess.

Instead of being enraged or saying a bunch of mean stuff back at him, Mobius calls it like it is, then moves on, as if Loki no longer deserves his attention. That is going to drive Loki so crazy.

Plus, Mobius gets Loki so completely that he already knows how his statement is going to hit him. That's why, when Loki's surprised expression appears, Mobius is expecting it and says, "Yeah, chew on that for a little bit."

In other words, "How do you like being treated like a person who is expected to be decent and considerate, as opposed to being treated like a threat or problem to be destroyed?"

I think the latter was damaging to Loki at first, but then, over time, so much easier for Loki to cope with. Enemies were playing into his hands by repeating back the same insults he's gotten used to, has toughened up to.

Nobody has believed in him and expected - not just demanded - but expected better from Loki, until Mobius.

Knowing that he almost immediately tarnished such a friendship hits completely different and Loki is thrown by it.

Mobius sees Loki 100% for who he is and knows how to get under his skin when necessary, knows how to get past Loki's bravado in a way no one else has done.

But part of that skill is because Mobius really still can't help loving Loki to bits, and as hurt as he is here, he has not completely given up on Loki. It's Mobius' genuine, heartfelt responses to Loki that allow him the empathy to give as good as he gets, but more than that, to care enough, specifically, to try and help Loki learn to be better.

I just love them so much-- 😭💓💞

[cthonic-bunny]

1. personal synastry and composite experiences and observations

Do not interact if you are a minor. (18+)

Sun in 8th house synastry: I was the house person they were the sun. I definitely developed insecurities I never had before as a result of this connection. With the sun shining brightly on my insecurities, they were hard to ignore and even harder to not project them entirely on the sun. A lot of “you did this to me!” energy. I didn’t consider myself a jealous person until this relationship and a lot of it came from wanting to be “good enough” in the eyes of the sun person. It’s like knowing you have these darker aspects in common and wanting them to see you can bond this way and see them in a way no one can. You also end up pushing limits together. You liked this? Now WE love this. You’re addicted to that? Now WE are addicted to it. Moderation is hard to achieve with sun in the 8th house synastry. It can also bring up insecurities surrounding sex with that person specifically, if poorly aspected. Explosive reactions and emotional outbursts aren’t foreign here. The house person can feel like a vampire being sunburned, with all its ugliness revealing itself from its body because of its interaction with this person. The 8H person wants a full, in-depth analysis of the sun person’s thoughts, intentions, and motivations. The plutonic energy wants to completely envelop the sun, compulsively in some cases, to know WHY they are the way they are, and why the sun presents themselves in certain ways. This is especially true if the sun person did something to hurt the 8H person, who can feel it more than is rational. The 8H person can really struggle with getting over any emotional harm or feelings of abandonment that come from the sun person. The 8H person can potentially resent the sun person for not being able to read them as intently as they could read the sun person. The sex, if and once insecurities are worked through, can bring you so much closer to one another and to yourself. I also feel like any disturbances or intimacy problems between you two can easily be felt by others or there can be blow ups in front of people you know, because the sun is a planet that illuminates wherever the light lands, whether you like it or not. Avoid public fights, because you will kiss and makeup but the damage in other people’s eyes will be done and opinions will be made. The 8H person might be able to see through any facade the sun person puts up, and this could lead to deep discussions that could be extremely healing for the Sun who might have to work through some things. The 8H person can also teach the sun person how to make more money and maybe even encourage them to start their own business. They can be known as a couple that makes a lot of money together. The sun person can also give sugar daddy/mommy vibes and the 8H the sugar baby, even if it neither one of the people involved are rich-rich. This is a highly binding placement. You two might find it difficult or even impossible to separate from each other even if the relationship has run its natural course. You guys are known as the couple that is “stuck” to one another.

Moon in 5th house synastry: *weird* but, for those who have this placement with a significant other, do you love to smell their body odor? I think in the house of children and fertility, it makes sense to love your partner’s pheromones. Something as weird as the smell of their armpits or stinky feet becomes comforting, idk?? This house is also really fun, and you can get a lot of emotional fulfillment out of acting like children together. 5H is ruled by Leo, so I also found that we had a lot of fun putting on “shows” for one another, and sort of making up our own characters and accents to make the other giggle. People are also really excited for the prospect of us having children together, and you’ll have friends volunteering to babysit or be the godparent of your unborn children LOL. Dressing up nice and going out on dates to somewhere with a great ambiance can be a great way to feel connected. Sharing perfume, or gifting each other perfumes or colognes. Loving the scents they wear. Same taste in candles? Candles as gifts. Lots of watching TV together? Having “shows” that feel wrong to watch without the other. Being called pretty by the other means a lot, and being pretty in each other’s eyes makes you feel good.

Moon in 12th house synastry: 12H synastry tends to have an awful reputation, and I get it when it’s a relationship that isn’t meant for you. However, my moon falls in my best friend’s 12H, and it is one of my favorite placements of ours. We have a telepathic connection where we can just look at the other and know what’s up. You preemptively know what will bother the other person and find it hard to understand how other people wouldn’t have assumed that thing would annoy your person. You understand each other’s motives, and can provide the ultimate shoulder to cry on or ear to listen with. When it’s a new interaction it can feel a bit intense, because how are you in my head!!! I feel like you can read my thoughts! It was like that for the both of us. It’s like, when together, both our consciousnesses transported to another realm where we are mutually perceiving something and our thoughts are being put on a radio for the other to listen to. Very spiritual relationship. You KNOW the vibes, and those feelings will be verified through the other person who already felt the same. She will never be wrong in my eyes and I will defend her to the death. We don’t even have to speak on certain days, but we can feel whatever mood the other one is in and check-up on each other accordingly. Whenever we have a strange dream or nightmare, the first thing we do is text each other and try to analyze what it could mean. I as the 12H person also dreamt of us becoming best friends before we formally met. The dreams i would have of her would always be loaded with spiritual symbolism. We also grew up with the same level of emotional attachment to our personal spiritualities and shared religion, which plays a large role in our understandings of one another. Most people just won’t get it, but she always will. She could read my crazy journal entries if she wanted to. 12H moon synastry is just unconditional love. Between friends at least, it feels like a long-lost twin connection. Also, her and I had gotten matching tattoos before we even knew of each other, both of them being for the same spiritual meaning!

Composite Mars in 3rd house: Lots of talking during sex, and lots of car sex— It might sometimes feel like that’s the easiest thing to talk about, or the conversation always steers to that direction. Sending nudes? Sexting. Maybe the only way you two could engage your sexual desire for one another is through sexting, because distance might not permit the full physical expression. If you don’t have a lot of experience knowing the other’s communication style, it can lead to a bit of random defensiveness or perceiving the other as communicating abrasively. I think it can lead to one trying to get reactions out of the other by saying something out of pocket.

Composite Mercury in 12th house: Pay attention to the dreams you have of this person! They will seriously tell you a lot about your dynamic, but don’t take them at face value! Lots of mystical elements to your dreams about them specifically, so maybe reviewing tarot card meanings and astrology concepts can help you decipher the meanings of your dreams. You might find it easier than expected to confide in each other or rant about your brain’s inner workings together. “I don’t know why I’m saying all that-“ or psychoanalyzing each other for fun. Talking about your less-than-desirable attributes. Being honest about your deceptive tendencies or specific lies you’ve told and why. Oversharing things that will usually make other people uncomfortable in the same context (like talking about your exes or failed situationships on a first date). Difficulties communicating when it’s not in person because it leaves too much room for confusion. Deceit is a real possibility though, with someone voluntarily “leaving out details” about their life outside of the relationship to avoid ruining the flow of energy or the dynamic. Having each other saved on your phones under fake names. Having to hide that you’re talking to this person from other people. One of you withdrawing communication to manipulatively make the other think about you more. Taking turns being each other’s therapist. Thinking about each other often but never expressing that, or the extent to which you think of one another. Thinking about the other at night before going to bed. “I started catching feelings for the girl that I’m currently having sex with, so it’s safe to say we don’t talk anymore, unless of course we’re having sex” in Sasquatch .22 by Bay Faction.

Composite Venus in 12th house: There really is a secretive component to this interaction that can feel impossible to bypass. Your family, friends, or society might not “approve” of you two together. One or both of you can be cheating on someone with this person. Only being able to meet up or be affectionate at night or in extremely private settings. The privacy of the relationship can help you open up a lot more than you’d expect to, because there’s no one but you two to perceive the other in this context. No judgments on how you two should behave with one another, so “let’s fully enjoy the moment while it lasts.” No one understanding your interaction or it’s purpose, and you probably don’t understand it either. Sending telepathic love notes. Longing. Intimate and romantic sex that haunts you or catches you off guard. Never wanting to be the first one to admit you’ve caught feelings. Ruining your sleep schedule to spend time with one another. Dreaming about romantically linking with them before it ever happens. Withdrawing once feelings start feeling real. The song “Lips of Angel” by Hinder reminds me of Composite Venus in 12H. “Illicit Affairs,” “August,” and “False God” by Taylor Swift. “Why Can’t I?” by Liz Phair. Gato de Noche by Bad Bunny. Sex by The 1975.

Lilith in 8th house synastry: Wanting to try things sexually with this person that wasn’t necessarily exciting with other partners. “You can do whatever you want to me, and I’ll let you.” Possibly experimenting with or preferring BDSM with one another. That Lana lyric that’s like: You fucked me so good that I almost said “I love you.” It might also be controversial if people knew you’ve had sex with one another. Revenge sex? As in, you two having sex might indirectly be spiting someone else, and it kind of feels like you’re dishing out delicious karma on a surprising silver platter— “lol if only they knew” You two might have fun misbehaving together. Doing what you both know you’re not supposed to be doing can make everything feel better, and even more reason to keep doing what you’re doing. Lana Del Rey in Diet Mountain Dew: “you’re no good for me, but baby I want you.” Wanting to be dangerous together. “Leave me bruised so I can’t forget you.” “Seeing you tonight is a bad idea, right?” This placement somewhat reminds me of a union between the death card and the devil card in tarot, with an emphasis on risk-stained sexual liberation. You can become symbolic of temptation in each other’s lives, so it’s hard to deny your impulses. Toxic by Britney Spears.

-D 🖤🕯

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Finally Getting Help (pt 12)

Masterpost

“Ya, I have questions,” Jason confirmed, trying not to shift awkwardly in his seat. “I read the slideshow but I don’t seem to fit in either liminals or ghosts, and I have some issues that I think would have been mentioned if they were common?”

“Alright, what are they?” Danny asked tilting his head a little. 

“Well, it’s been better since meeting you, and I know increased aggression was one of the thing mentioned but mine isn’t like Damian’s, or even yours I think. We’ve been calling it Pit Madness. I’ve gotten better at managing it but especially when I got back it was really bad. I… killed a ton of people and I still have a lot of bloodlust that no one is comfortable with.”

“That is unusual, especially directed towards humans. Aside from revenge against whoever killed them dead usually don’t care very much about the living,” Danny said curiously, considering Jason. 

“And I do read as- as dead?” Jason asked, he had been worried about that.

“Well you’re obviously not Dead dead,” Danny said rolling his eyes before he reached across the table. “Here, with touch I can figure out a bit more.” He said and Jason hesitated for a moment before resting his hand in Danny’s.

A cool feeling quickly washed up his arm and over his chest like intangible water. Danny tilted his head to the other side, his brows coming together slowly as he gazed into the middle distance and considered what he was feeling. He let out a hiss and some sort of chitter that couldn’t come from a human throat, then clicked his tongue and the cool feeling dissipated, sinking under Jason’s skin and cooling heat he hadn’t been aware of feeling. 

“Okay, ya that’s weird,” Danny admitted and Jason’s heart dropped. “Best I can equate it to is, like a bone that healed wrong,” Danny said thoughtfully. “You did die before?” He asked, Jason nodded mutely. “Okay, I won’t ask why or how. But best I can tell your soul was shoved back into your body and not given time to get settled back in it’s proper position before whatever was done to bind it in place. So you’re alive but with some.. Spiritual nerve and brain damage. Would you be comfortable telling me how you were resurrected?”

“Well, I resurrected myself apparently. I don’t really remember it but apparently about six months after my death I dug myself out of my grave. Before I could get anywhere the League of Shadows found me and dunked me in the Lazarus pit which is this glowing green stuff that heals the dying and kills the healthy. I don’t remember any of it, it was almost a year before I recovered enough to be myself at all.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” Danny said, nodding thoughtfully. “My guess would be at first you came back as a revenant, which is basically when a ghost possesses their own corpse to get revenge, not truly a living being. But then this Lazarus pit resurrected your body and your soul got stuck in your living body again without being prepared or intending for that to happen. 

“That’s what I’m guessing happened but I can’t be sure, and I’m not a healer so I don’t really know what to do about it. I’m sure my ghost doctor Frostbite would be happy to take a look at you though! Looks like we’ll be making an appointment for you too,” He joked making Jason chuckle nervously. 

“Well that’s.. Totally fucked up,” Jason said and Danny nodded.

“Ya, dying is basically always fucked up, coming back Specifically for revenge and then getting stuck here long after that’s a motivating factor is messy. I mean, for a human that would be fine, but for people like us,” He gestured between the two of them. “Obsessions are everything so that’s hard. You’ve been cultivating more healthy obsessions I know but you’ll never be the same,” Danny said, and Jason nodded.

He knew as much, he could never go back. Not that he hadn’t always had these sorts of thoughts and inclinations. Once of the reasons Bruce had taken on him and Dick was their murderous inclinations needed to be curbed, for Dick it had work, for Jason… Well it was a combination of a lot of things, it wasn’t really Bruce’s fault it had failed. Other than the fact that he’d let the Joker live far longer than he should have, but that was bleeding-heart-Brucie for you. It was funny, to not really be mad at Bruce anymore, understanding there was nothing else he could have done, and still not be able to forgive him.

Danny must have noticed how Jason had gotten lost in his own head because he reached across the table and covered one of Jason’s clenched hands with his own, soft and cool. “You’re doing really well Jason. It’s a messed up situation but I don't think anyone could have handled it better then you are,” Danny said softly.

Jason didn’t believe it but it felt good to hear and it did settle him a little bit. “Thanks Danny, that means a lot,” he said, giving Danny’s hand a squeeze before pulling back. 

There was a natural break in conversation as the waitress brought their appetizers, and when she left again Jason didn’t know what to say. Thankfully Danny spoke. “Why don’t I tell you a bit about my doctor? Frostbite can be a lot, as much as it would probably be funny to spring him on you I should probably give you a heads up.”

“Ya, ya that sounds good,” Jason agreed, glad to let Danny do the talking for a bit. And when telling him about Frostbite turned into talking about the Yetis, to talking about the Infinite Realms, to Danny info-dumping about space. Well Jason really doesn’t mind, especially with the way it makes Danny light up. It was good to see him happy.

---------

The food was good but Jason didn’t taste much of it, and aside from going “Oh wow!” When he took his first bite of his food Danny didn’t seem to either. At a certain point Jason realized he was going to have to do some talking or Danny was going to keep talking and wouldn’t eat. So he took over, but he didn’t know much about space so he started talking about literature and poetry and Danny listened raptly and finally ate his food.

It was very nice to have someone listen to him like that, it was sort of funny, it looked like it was as fun for Danny to listen to him talk then it had been the other way. Jason thought about how supporting obsessions was important for ghosts to have their obsessions supported. Reading wasn’t Really his obsession, he didn’t think, but it sure was an interest and it felt really good to get to share with someone new. 

By the end of the dinner Jason has well and truly decided that this was a date. Danny was cute, good, and passionate, and a good listener, Oh and strong as Fuck which was always a turn on for Jason. Speaking of powerful…

“Can I ask you another sort of serious question?” Jason asked after they got their dessert. Danny looked up, mouth full and a little smear of chocolate on his top lip, Jason resisted the urge to reach across the table and wipe it off. Danny nodded. “When Damian gave me his little shovel talk he mentioned that you’re going to be a god some day?” He said, tilting his head. Maybe that was a third date sort of conversation but it seemed like it would be important to understanding Danny.

Danny choked a little and swallowed, sighing heavily. “That’s what I’ve been told,” Danny grumbled. “There’s a prophecy apparently, and with how my powers have been progressing even just in the first 2 years since I died, I can already go toe to toe with some Ancients and win so… Ya, I guess it’s probably inevitable, especially since I haven’t stagnated yet. I don’t want to be one really, I didn’t ask for this, but whatever. I probably can’t stop it.” He slumped back in the booth, looking tired. 

Shit Jason shouldn’t have brought that up. “Hey you’ve got time right? That won’t be for a while. Also, what’s an Ancient?” 

“Very old, very powerful spirits. They’re essentially their own pantheon, Ancient is basically just what ghosts call gods.” He said with a shrug.

“Makes sense, I mean gods usually are ancient. Even more reason you don’t have to worry about that right now. I mean you’re far from ancient,” Jason pointed out, earning himself a little smile from Danny. 

“Ya, you’re right,” He agreed and went back to eating his dessert, the conversation moved on to the music they liked.

When the bill came Jason put his card down without letting Danny see what the bill came to and passed it back to the waitress. They lingered in the booth for a while still chatting, unwilling to part ways yet. If Jason didn’t know his family would want Danny home before they went out on patrol he might have suggested they just go to a park and walk for a while. Talk, maybe each take one of his wireless earbuds and take turns picking songs. But he had a feeling Damian really would try to kill Jason if he didn’t get to see Danny home safe. 

Eventually they left, wandering back to Jason’s motorbike and Danny snuggled up to Jason’s back again as they drove back to the manor. The silence was companionable until Jason pulled up, propping the bike up to let Danny get off. He took off his helmet and handed it back to Jason, not letting go immediately when Jason took it so their hands were touching. 

“This was nice, I had fun,” Danny said, blushing a little and looking down.

“It was, we should do it again soon,” Jason agreed, “I’ll text you okay?” 

“You’d better,” Danny teased before walking back towards the manor. 

Damian opened the door for him, shooting Jason a glare before slamming it making him laugh. He was still a child no matter how much he pretended he wasn’t. Jason kicked off on his bike and zoomed off, heading home to get ready for patrol.

Next

[lunarw0rks]

humbly requesting ghost x reader where he thinks he’s too old and damaged for reader. i headcannon ghost to be anywhere between 35-38 and the reader would be early twenties. he’s all emo and “oh they’re too innocent, i’d hurt and ruin them” and reader is just like “i would die for this man.”

Too Old For You // Part One

Summary: You've been crushing on him for a while now, even going as far as taking a stab for him. But it isn't enough for him to notice you; you're too young, too nice for someone like him.

Warning(s): medic!reader, fem!reader, age gap [reader is early twenties, ghost is mid/late thirties], mild injury/blood, hurt/no comfort

Word Count: 817

A/N: I enjoy hurting my own feelings :)

꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ GHOST MASTERLIST // have a request? ˗ˏˋ ASK BOX | AO3 VER | PART TWO .ˎˊ˗

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

You did know that, by this point, at least. He had only told you about a hundred times.

“I can do this myself. It’s my job,” you let out a hiss as the Lieutenant purposefully wrapped the gauze tighter than necessary. You weren’t even supposed to be involved — you were supposed to keep hidden until the situation was handled.

He ripped off the end of it, fastening the small clip to keep the wrap in place. “Keep quiet,” he wanted to be irate. But you meant well, and that’s what bothered Simon the most. He, of all people, didn’t deserve to be the one you sacrificed yourself for. You were lucky it was a knife through the hand and not through the heart—where the intruder had been aiming the blade intended for him.

The gash in your palm would be a life-long reminder, doomed to leave a nasty scar.

Nothing says I’m in love with you like taking a stab in the hand for him, but it was abundantly clear he was too headstrong to let you be with him. Or was intentionally dismissing your signals entirely, you weren’t sure which one was more disheartening.

Ghost sets your injured hand back down, letting you admire his sloppy patchwork. It got the job done, it didn’t need to be an aesthetically-pleasing bandage. He used an alcohol wipe to cleanse the bloodstains on your forearm, now an unnecessary service. Perhaps it was his way of apologizing for you being injured on his behalf because he surely wasn’t expressing it through words.

You reached over with your unharmed hand and placed it over his, stopping his meticulous wiping, “I got this.”

The stubborn Lieutenant only flicked his gaze upwards from your hand on his, a brief scoff escaping his lips. Whatever the hell that meant. “Least I can do is get the damn blood off you, kid. Jumped in front of a bloody knife for me.”

Kid. It was like nails on a chalkboard to you.

He continued muttering and shaking his head in disapproval, running the alcohol wipe along your flesh until there was no trace of crimson.

It wasn’t a motive of stupidity, nor was it to prove yourself. You weren’t even a soldier, there would be no use trying to be tough in front of him. Your true motive was admiration for him, and even now, with a stab wound, he’s too mule-headed to let you in. Any longer, and you might just lose your mind entirely.

“Thought you would be relieved, I guess.” You shrugged, speaking with a small bit of defeat. “Knife was supposed to go right there.” A finger pointed at his heart but didn’t dare make contact. You knew better than that,.. Sort of.

Before you could finish outstretching your hand, his unoccupied one clamped over it, breaths a little heavier. Followed by a look that could only be described as intense contemplation; should I break this hand or continue to gently hold it?

“You don’t have the slightest clue what you’re doing, do you?” Simon questions, thumb instinctually caressing your knuckle to balance out the iron grip he maintained. “You’re confused.”

You were too young, too nice in his eyes. It was your job to be a healer, a good one, too. And his job? A trained killer. To him, it was too ironic, too striking of a contrast. An arrangement like that would never work—Simon was too mature, too damaged, downright unworthy of your kindness. At least that’s what he had himself convinced of, even after the knife incident.

You replied hastily, a slight tinge of frustration showing. “I’m not confused, Ghost. I know what I want—I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.” You would’ve done it again if it meant another chance at restarting this conversation. A conversation that now was nose-diving into a point of no return.

“You shouldn’t have done it at all,” he sighed, amber eyes flooded with internal conflict. His grip released with one swift movement, and now his palm rested on either side of you, but it wasn’t intimidation he was after. “I’m not the bloke you want to jump in front of a bullet for, trust me.”

“Simon—” You blurted amidst his attempts at swaying you, cradling your bandaged hand. What more would it take?

“—Ghost.” He interjected, taking several steps back from his looming position. If he didn’t walk away now, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from poisoning you.

It wasn’t right. You deserve someone better than him. “It’s Ghost. We’re not doin’ this, Kid. I’m not doing it.” His words were like a punch to the gut, more painful than a stab to the hand, that’s for sure.

The door to the infirmary slammed shut, only seconds before his footsteps faded into silence, stranding you with the solitude of rejection.

[theereina]

Bad News Pt. 2

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC "Bella"

Wordcount: +1.4K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, mental health mentioned (anxiety), *emotional distress*, angst, heartbreak, chronic illnesses mentioned, health conditions mentioned (c*ncer, PCOS, endometriosis), infertility, slight verbal ab*se

A/N¹: Remember, I just got back into writing. I'm open to critiques, but I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

A/N²: I am not a medical doctor. Please, forgive me if my knowledge of any of the mentioned medical conditions is incorrect.

Bad News Pt. 1=> 😢

Walking into the room, my heart was crushed even further. All of the feelings I wish I could explain; I couldn't. Terry and his bags were gone. I hadn't even heard him leave. He didn't even care enough to at least say goodbye. After all these years, I wasn't worth a goodbye. Two seconds just solidified that this relationship wasn't worth any more of my energy.

I couldn't understand it. How did we get here? Had he always been like this? Was I that blind? I guess I was so busy trying to find love that I forgot the most important rule— love wasn't supposed to hurt. Then again, every version of love I've experienced was painful, manipulative, abusive, and damaging. So, maybe I found what I was familiar with. I mean, why else would I be so comfortable putting up with this?

But, what do I do now?

*2 hours later

The room was covered in crumpled and torn pieces of notebook paper. I have tried and tried to write this letter. My hands were stiff, and my head was throbbing. I just wanted him to know how I felt because my mind was already made up. I'm done, and this is over.

If he would've just listened, we wouldn't be in this predicament. If he hadn't said those words, there would still be hope in my eyes and love in my heart.

Better yet, fuck this and fuck him. He doesn't deserve a letter. This doesn't concern him anymore. I've already changed my flight for tomorrow morning. I leave on the first flight out. Since I no longer have anything to say to him, there is no need to wait. I can return to the West Coast and be at home with my Godmother and Godsister when I receive the news.

*The next day

“I will never like flying’. I don't care!” I said stepping out of the bathroom after showering. I was dressed in a pair of sweats and a plain black T-shirt. I had wrapped a scarf around my head to protect my hair during my shower.

My Godsister, Shante, was waiting for me. She was relaxed on the bed with her back against the headboard. Her satin black bonnet and black fluffy robe made her look so much like her grandmother. “What?” she asked turning her head towards me. “You look like Nana Elsie!” I laughed into my hand. “Shut up!” she said slinging one of the pillows at me.

I walked to the bed and sat on the edge closest to me. I was tired. I knew why she was in here. She wanted to make sure I was okay. Honestly, I wasn't. My life was shit right now. Leaving Terry was just another stab to the heart. All I could do was pray to God that I didn't lose anymore. I couldn't possibly see myself being any lower than this.

“You wanna talk?” Shante asked rolling on her side facing my back. “Not really, I just wanna wait until they call,” I said solemnly. My shoulders were beginning to feel heavy again. I didn't want to think about what the doctor would say. I already knew this day was coming.

After years of medical neglect and misdiagnoses, I was finally given a proper diagnosis of both endometriosis and PCOS. I had been ignored for years when I complained of a forever-growing mountain of signs that something was wrong. I was told to “lose weight” to alleviate my symptoms. When I lost the weight, nothing changed. Some symptoms even seemed to get worse.

I had grown tired of all the referrals and guesses. I had explained to my original primary care physician years ago that I suspected that I had PCOS. It was dismissed as anxiety and medical hysteria. I tried again with three other physicians to be met with the same fate— try to lose weight, take this metformin, exercise daily, change your diet, etc.

This could have been treated years ago if someone would have just listened.

*3 hours later

I was in the kitchen eating when my cell phone rang. I picked it up thinking it was the call I had been dreading. I was eager to get this over with. Just say it, and let's move on.

“Hello, this is Bella,” I mumbled into the phone. I was on the edge again. Trying my hardest to breathe and stay calm. “Bell, where are you?” asked Terry. “Terry?” I asked pulling the phone away from my ear and looking at it. Fuck! Why didn't I look before answering? Why didn't I block him?

“Bella, I'm s—,” he started to speak before I interrupted him. “Save it. I… I don't care anymore,” I said through tears. “Bells, I was—,” he started again. “No,” I said sobbing into the phone. “Could you just—!” he yelled into the phone. That was it. I didn't have to deal with this. I hung up the phone and laid it on the table in front of me.

Pushing the plate away, I laid across my arms crying with my head down. My Godmother and Godsister were both gone to work. That left me alone once again with my emotions— all of them.

ring ring ring

Not again. I picked up the phone in anger. “I don't want to talk to you!” I screamed into the phone. “Isabella? It's Dr. Moore. We need to speak about scheduling your surgery immediately,” he said in a startled tone. “I'm sorry, Dr. Moore. I'm having a…,” I said taking a deep breath. “I can call back if—,” he said. “No!” I blurted out. “Sorry. Please, tell me now,” I whimpered. I was flying between emotions faster than my body could manage.

“Well, honey. I'm sorry to bring you such bad news at this time, but we're going to need to remove your left ovary. The cysts were quite large, and… Unfortunately, the biopsy indicated they were cancerous. The safest option is to remove the affected ovary and all endometriosis deposits. Later on, we can discuss any further changes,” he said. “Changes?” I questioned while sniffling. “If it progresses any further, we may have to perform a hysterectomy.” Dr. Moore continued to talk, but I had dissociated from the conversation. This was it.

My mind was overflowing with questions. Will I be able to have kids? Would this even get rid of the cancer? If it did, would it come back? Would life ever be normal for me?

I don't know. I'll probably never know.

*Later in the day

ring ring ring

Hours had passed since the call ended. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to think. I had planned my whole life around me and Terry's relationship— kids, a house, a minivan, a dog, all of it. Now, everything was gone. Maybe my mother was right, I am cursed.

ring ring ring

“Who is it?” I sobbed into the phone. “It's me, Bella. Baby, can you please just listen to me?” Terry pleaded over the phone. “Why, huh? What’s there to listen to? You said everything you needed to say,” I yelled. All of my feelings were being overshadowed by my anger.

“I didn't mean it, Bella. That wasn't supposed to happen. I love you. You know that!” Terry yelled. “I don't know that, Terry. If you loved me, you wouldn't have said it. You meant it with all your fucking heart. You stood on it when you left without saying a word. No goodbye. No sorry. Nothing. That's not love,” I blurted out. I was beyond tired of holding my tongue. “Stop being so fuckin' childish right now and use your brain. You're always so damn emoti—,” he said cutting himself off. “Nah, say it! I'm too fucking emotional, huh? Ain't that right, Terry?” I screamed again. Tears were streaming down my face falling onto the kitchen table.

“I’m always sick, and… and I'm… I'm always emotional. That's what you… that's what you said, right? THEN, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH ME?!” I screamed as loud as I could. I threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered. Good. No more phone calls. No more doctors. No more — Terry.

Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @slutsareteacherstoo @pocketsizedpanther

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[atlasscrumpit]

Hannibal/Will x Reader

He was an addiction, he knew well enough what he did to you and he enjoyed every second of it.

Will had warned you over and over, but it was too late, you were trapped in Hannibal's web of obsession and sickly desires.

Will sat across from Hannibal, staring him down.

"I don't know what your plan is here, but it shouldn't involve Y/N. She is young and naive." Will grumbled making Hannibal chuckle softly.

"She's lonely and vulnerable, I merely want to take care of her." He responded making Will scoff and roll his eyes.

"You enjoy that she is naive and relies on you, until one day you'll shatter her heart and kill her." He growled, Hannibal tilted his head with a smirk.

"You think I would kill something as beautiful as her? I just wish to sculpt her into the best person she can be. She's a very smart young woman and could be very useful to me." Hannibal replied, Will's eyes darkened as he glared at his 'friend.'

"You're taking advantage of her and you know it." Will warned, his voice low.

"You don't know her like I do, she's fragile... A wilting flower, to anyone else they would just leave her to whither away." Hannibal spoke, his voice smooth with barely any emotion like usual.

"So, you would rather manipulate her then let her live her life?" He asked making Hannibal smile again.

"She wasn't going to make it past college, she was on the edge when I found her, one day away from suicide. Much like you were, Will." Hannibal mocked as Will's jaw tightened.

It wasn't a secret that Hannibal liked to collect broken things.

"Excuse me for trying to save someone from the same fate I suffered." He grumbled as Hannibal stood up and moved towards Will.

He reached down and tilted his chin up.

"Do I sense some jealously, Mr. Graham?" He teased, Will's eyes glaring into his very soul.

"I'm not jealous of her, I'm worried for her." He replied, doing his best to keep his anger in check.

"How sweet..." Hannibal muttered studying Will's face.

They both heard a noise and turned to see you coming around the corner.

"Y/N?" Will questioned, he hadn't been aware you were here.

"Hey, Will... Is everything okay?" You asked glancing at Hannibal as he offered you a soft smile.

"Everything is perfect, my dear. I was just comforting Will after a hard day. Are you all set up in your new room?" Hannibal asked, letting go of Will's face.

Will looked between you and Hannibal in confusion.

"New room?" He questioned as you smiled and sat across from Will.

"Yeah... There was a fire at the dorms, mine has the worst damage so Hannibal offered to let me stay here." You explained as Will glanced at Hannibal.

"A fire... How unfortunate." He grumbled as Hannibal smiled innocently.

"Yes, very unfortunate. But, Y/N is lucky to have us in her life to help her out. Isn't that right, Will?" Hannibal said.

"Very lucky." Will said, a slight scowl on his face as you smiled and sat beside him.

"At least I can spend some more time with you guys... Plus, Hannibal feeds me a lot better then I feed myself. I'll take his cooking over microwave meals any day." You said with a chuckle making Hannibal smile.

"Exactly, you deserve a lot better than some measly microwave meals." He said, mischief in his eyes as he looked at you

Will wanted to scream at you to run while you still could, but he knew it was too late.

After all this is exactly what had been done to him.

--

That night you sat up in bed doing some sketching when your door opened and you saw Will.

"Oh, hey. I didn't think you were still here." You said with a smile as you put your sketchbook down.

"He's lying, Y/N. You're a smart girl, so either you're not as smart as I thought or there's something else going on." Will said as you looked at him and sighed a little.

"I knew... I know he set that fire." You muttered making Will shake his head and sit on the side of your bed.

"Then why are you staying here?" He grumbled and you looked at him and hugged your knees to your chest.

"I've never had someone care about me like he does." You whispered, Will looker at you sadly.

"Y/N, you have to get out while you still can. You know what he is capable of." He said as you sighed.

"Maybe I'm capable all the same..." You replied.

"No, you aren't. Do not go down this path, do you hear me?" He warned as you sighed and rested your head on your knees.

"You know what he did to Abigail. She trusted him and he killed her as if it were nothing. You need to run." He growled as you looked at him again.

"There's a difference between Abigail and I. She hated herself for killing... I embraced it." You said as he looked at you in confusion.

"Y/N, what the hell did you do?" He asked in shock.

"I set the fire. I was also the one who killed my professor and my roommate, and my father, and my two sisters." You replied as he stared at you in shock.

"What?" He muttered as you smiled.

"You're lucky I like you Will, I like you and Hannibal together. You're like the fathers I never had..." Your face darkened.

"Don't fucking ruin this for me, don't ruin my family." You growled, as Will finally the real you behind the innocent girl you had been playing.

"Why not be truthful to Hannibal? Hannibal of all people would be happy to know you're a killer." He said as you smiled, the innocent facade coming back.

"We both know he knows, Hannibal is smart. But, we both like to play the part of the protective daddy and the innocent little girl." You said with a sickly sweet smile.

"Seems your perfect for each other after all."

[gowns]

if you ever find yourself thinking "i don't want to talk to this person about this problem, it would be so awkward and create tension"

one of the most uncomfortable conversations i've ever had was also a positive influence on the rest of my life.

when i was 18-19 years old, i moved out of the college dorms and into my first apartment, with my college dormmate + two random ladies we found on craigslist. we didn't really have anything in common, but the ladies were nice enough and they thought we were nice enough so we all agreed to move in with each other.

i have ~executive dysfunction~ and i was raised in a barn, so i really had no clue how chores worked or how to keep a common space clean. common 18-19 year old issue, tbh! the ladies from craigslist were a few years older, around 24-25, and they seemed increasingly annoyed with me as the weeks went on.

at one point, one of them knocked on my door, and said we needed to have a talk. she took me aside, sat me down on the couch, then listed, one by one, all the things that she noticed that i didn't clean, things i kept messing up, various ways i was inconsiderate of my other roommates. she said "maybe it's because i'm older than you, but you're really dropping the ball here, and we need to get on the same page with chores." she made a chore chart and handed it to me. and we followed it from that point on...

having to have that conversation was so anxiety-inducing! i'm sure it was hard for her, and man, it was hard to hear for myself. my face was red and hot, and i mumbled some excuses, but i knew she was right; i had been an inconsiderate clod. how could i do better?

well, i followed the chore chart, i gradually looked up more ways to take care of myself and the apartment, i gave my other roommates a lot more space and notice about things... i was still an inconsiderate clod imho but i was trying. i was really trying!

and to this day i think, wow, that one awkward conversation leveled me up in a way that tip-toeing around the issue, or passive aggressive remarks, or whatever, would have never gotten through to me. it had to be a direct conversation. she had to be honest and i had to be open to it. and we both were better off for it.

more often than not, just being direct and addressing something that's bothering you head-on will yield the most results. you might annoy the other person; they might completely disagree or get defensive. but at least you get the peace of mind of knowing you spoke up, and honestly, even when the other person has their walls up, they tend to marinate on it and change happens regardless.

anyway, if you needed any motivation to talk to someone about something that's bugging you. this is it. might as well do it now. no point in doing it down the line, when the damage is already done!

[the-case-book-of-fanfiction]

Love Bites {Masterlist}

With your memory spotty, you gravitate toward the first person you see—an old friend from a very old past. But Astarion is keeping plenty of secrets...and he's never been the best liar. How long will it take before his deceptions unravel? And what will you do when you realize just how much damage he's done?

Ship: Astarion Ancunin x fem!vampire spawn!elf!Tav/reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, vampire spawn!Tav, fem!Tav, manipulative but guilty/regretful Astarion, Astarion's sexual trauma, Cazador, vampire bite, reader is turned into a spawn, reader is technically one of Astarion's victims

18+ Warnings: vaginal sex, consensual sex, mirror sex, riding, fingering, oral, blood kink, bite kink, loving sex, non-descriptive noncon/dubcon (Astarion’s trauma), Astarion experimenting with his boundaries

Total Word Count: 47,397 words (87 pages)

Notes: The title of this fic (and some of its chapter titles) is heavily inspired by Def Leppard's song Love Bites.

Posting Schedule can be found on my {Updates Page}

CONTENT NOTE: Where Astarion's perspective comes into this fic, I tried writing his experience with his hurt that he has been treated this way along with his "this is what I do" mentality; he's very back and forth about the abuse he's endured and some of my writing reflects that. If that upsets you or makes you uncomfortable in anyway, I completely understand and I encourage you to leave the fic at any point. However, I do believe writing this perspective is necessary, as his blasé take on his sexual trauma is one that I myself have struggled with, as I am sure other survivors have as well.

☟ story parts linked below ☟

Best Unremembered {Chapter 1} Waking up with a spotty memory and the only person you do remember is jarring enough—but it only gets worse when the people who remember you are monsters and strangers.

Walking Corpses {Chapter 2} Astarion's night spent searching for prey is interrupted by an unwelcome feeling of familiarity. Your life is derailed by recognizing a long-dead friend.

Little Love {Chapter 3} Appearances can be deceiving, but they can also tell you everything you need to know. A second look at the elf you once called a friend is all you need to fill in the two-hundred year gap.

The Golden Elf {Chapter 4} Sometimes, vampires choose their spawn specifically. Sometimes, they're in the wrong place at the wrong time and are lost to their loved ones for centuries. These days, that's all you can think about.

Little Star, Little Sun {Chapter 5} A long-awaited reunion that doesn't go quite as planned can lead to many things, especially when two manipulators both lay their traps for one another. Though is it really a trap when all you want to do is spare your lover from yet another night of torment?

Love Bites {Chapter 6} Astarion remembers you, but it's already too late. He's bedded you and remembered the love and life you had together, two hundred years ago, and now he has to make a choice. Does he sacrifice himself, or does he sacrifice you?

Love Bleeds {Chapter 7} Fangs gleam in the shadows and a coffin lies open nearby. Vampire lords are nasty creatures; even a changed heart can do very little when there are claws around it.

On My Knees {Chapter 8} A betrayal so severe even centuries of love threaten to break beneath its weight. Yet you offer forgiveness, even if Astarion has not felt its kindness in two hundred years.

Second Chances {Epilogue} Home is a place and home is people. You have quite the large family now, and it's time to provide for them, however you may.

Love Bites Soundtrack — 3h50min

Chapter 1: tracks 1 - 6 Chapter 2: tracks 7 - 13 Chapter 3: tracks 14 - 19 Chapter 4: tracks 20 - 26 Chapter 5: tracks 27 - 32 Chapter 6: tracks 33 - 40 Chapter 7: tracks 41 - 46 Chapter 8: tracks 47 - 53 Epilogue: tracks 54 - 60

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Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Ancunin

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[bagopucks]

A. Matthews - Worlds Worst Dad

✄————————————

Auston Matthews x Fem!reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Warning(s): another family fight.

When I had gotten the request to do Auston and Hudson angst, I had initially started with two fics and for whatever reason I had them both completed last season. So I tweaked this one a little so I could still post it.

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Hudson was too young to understand.

“Just listen to me, bud.”

Auston had been so busy with the playoffs, that he hadn’t been home. He had been so busy with his job, and myself with my own, that at some point, we lost sight of how important communication was. Not necessarily for us, but for Hudson.

“You said you wouldn’t leave!”

“I’m right here.” Auston sounded so lost. I couldn’t blame him. Neither of us really expected our reunion to go this way. Hudson had been patient at first when playoffs began, but at some point he had given up. He’d become upset at first, worried. Nervous. Then he became angry. So angry. I couldn’t see into his mind. I couldn’t understand what he felt, but I knew it had to do with the way his biological father left. Sure, he didn’t remember it happening, but after his grandfather let the story slip one day, ‘fathers’ became a fragile subject for Hudson.

“You’re not around any more!”

Auston responded to texts when he could, and always called back when he missed a call, but the time zone differences made things difficult. Hudson didn’t understand why Auston couldn’t talk. Why Auston never stayed on the phone long enough to speak to him.

I had thought Hudson’s behavior would turn around when I announced Auston’s return home. Apparently it didn’t. I knew the knockout was hard, and I knew it took a toll on Auston, but I also knew he was ready to be back. I had warned the man before he came home, but I hadn’t expected Hudson to lash out the way he did. It was the last thing any of us needed.

“I’ve been a little busy, Hudson. Just chill out okay?”

I felt like a horrible mother. A horrible lover.

“Don’t tell me to chill out! You left!”

“Hudson don’t speak to Auston that way.” I reprimanded hopelessly.

“I didn’t leave.” Auston argued with a scoffed out laugh.

“Yes you did! Get out!”

“Hudson.” I finally heard him get tense.

“Get out!”

“Hudson, listen to me!” Auston raised his voice. It wasn’t something he did with Hudson. Mainly because he never had to. I could tell by the silence, that Hudson was trying to understand what was happening. Trying to process what it meant that Auston was angry.

“No!” The boy finally shouted back.

“Hudson! I have to work!” Auston finally snapped. I flinched, raising my hand slowly to clasp over my mouth as I felt a pang of emotion in my chest. Hudson simply didn’t want to be abandoned again. Not by another dad.

“I don’t want you! You’re a horrible dad!”

I jumped off the couch as soon as I realized what had been said. The blanket over my legs falling to the floor.

“What? You don’t mean that.” Auston’s nervous laugh had my heart thudding against my chest.

“Yes. I do.” The determination in my son’s voice had me immediately crossing the room to reach my son. “You’re horrible.” I watched Auston’s expression shift, and I felt my own breath catch in my throat as I spotted the tears in his eyes. As I reached for my son, he turned, shoving my hand away and storming off down the hall. The slam of the bedroom door had both of us flinching. My hand flew up to rest against Auston’s arm, squeezing gently.

“Aus,” I couldn’t undo the damage that had been done. I could see it in Auston’s eyes. He was devastated. “You know he doesn’t mean that” I whispered as I tried to turn his body to face my own. “He’s just emotional.”

“He said it pretty loud and clear.” Auston gestured toward the door, speaking as if it was an obvious fact. And it was. But that didn’t mean anything. Hudson was a kid, and Auston had done no wrong. He’d understand that eventually, and come around.

“He’s having a hard time. You have to know that.” I tried to push a piece of Auston’s long hair back before he pulled away, pursing his lips and shaking his head. My stomach twisted in knots.

“That’s okay… it’s fine- I’m fine.” Auston shrugged, “I’ve gotta go and get my dog anyway.” I had never seen Auston guard himself before in such a manner. He’d always been open with his feelings and emotions. “I’ll talk to you some other time, okay?” He shrugged once again, trying to keep up with the chill facade he usually didn’t have to fake.

“You can stay tonight.” I tried, but I knew he wasn’t going to.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t think I’m really making your life easier right now.”

“You’re not here to make my life easier, Auston.” I watched him slip past me, and I followed him to the door. “Sometimes Hudson isn’t going to like things you do. He’s the kid. You’re still in charge.”

“I can’t be in charge of him if he fucking hates me!” Auston shouted in a hushed tone. I watched as tears finally began to roll down his cheeks. This was not the type of reaction he hoped for after such a shitty second round knockout. Things were piling up on him.

“Don’t go home alone like this.” I insisted, wishing I could have comforted him the way he had done for me so many times before.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry, Aus.” I whispered as I watched him slip his shoes on.

“It’s not your fault.” He shrugged again.

“I’m still sorry. You don’t deserve it.” He turned to glance at me, eyes distant. Thinking.

“I probably do.”

We had said our goodbyes before Auston left. Auston and Hudson were best friends as much as they were family. I knew it killed Auston to think he’d hurt and disappointed Hudson. And I knew it made him feel terrible to think he’d done so horribly that Hudson hated him.

“Hudson.” I had waited a while to speak with my son, uncertain of what to say. When I pushed open his bedroom door, I found Hudson coloring in a book on the floor. Something bothered me about how calm he looked. He looked up from his coloring book when I approached, fidgeting with the blue crayon in his hand.

“Yeah?”

“Honey, you really hurt Auston.” I tried to be gentle as I spoke. I sat down on the floor across from Hudson, watching his eyes fall back to the book on the floor. “Hudson.” I tried to gain his attention. “Auston’s really sad. He doesn’t want you to be angry with him.”

Hudson’s hand shook slightly before he dropped the crayon. He remained silent before I heard him sniff.

“Then why’d he leave?”

“He told you, Hudson.” I moved to sit beside the boy, wrapping an arm around his back. “He’s gone away for work before.”

“But he always talks!”

“The end of the season was super busy for him, Hudson. Auston never meant to hurt you. He loves you, so much.”

“No he doesn’t.” Hudson pulled his knees to his chest, hiding his face in them as quiet cries escaped his lips.

“I promise he does. He always asked about you when he had time to call. He always said he was so excited to come home and see you. Hudson, he missed you more than he missed me.” I rubbed the boy’s back.

“No he didn’t.” Sometimes I cursed the heavens for giving my son the same stubborn behavior I held.

“Hudson.” I moved my hand from his back, turning his head to look at me. “Auston loves you more than anything. He hated being away for hockey. He hated the fact that he couldn’t be there to help you sign up for your first peewee team. He hated missing your last day of school, and he hated missing the little party we threw.” I watched the tears slip down his cheeks. “Auston tried so hard to call me that night. But things got in the way and he felt horrible.” Hudson leaned against my side, crying quietly as I returned my hand to his back, rubbing gentle circles.

“Is he mad at me?” Hudson’s voice trembled.

“Honey, I don’t think he’s angry. Just upset. You should never tell people you hate them. Especially someone as close to you as Auston is.”

“I’m sorry.” Hudson buried his head in his hands.

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to, hun.” I ran my hand through the boy’s hair. “And the only way that guilt is gonna go away, is if you say sorry to Auston.”

“I will.” Hudson croaked out, another sob shaking his body. I sat on the floor with him for a half an hour before he began to relax. As much as I wanted him to apologize and be over with the ordeal, I figured a day with nan was needed first. A day for him to get out of the house, to see one of his favorite people, to avoid the situation at hand. He’d been at home waiting for Auston for weeks. He needed a break.

So the next morning, I helped him pack up and promised I’d be there the following day to see him. He asked about apologizing to Auston, but I said it was a good thing to give somebody space when they’re upset. I didn’t tell him I had plans to visit Auston. Kids didn’t need to know everything.

“One minute!” I heard Felix bark. I hadn’t seen the dog in forever. I was tempted to press the doorbell again for the sake of fun, but just as I reached for it, Auston was pulling the door open and hooking a finger in Felix’s bandana to hold him back.

“Hey, what’s-“ he stopped the second he looked up from his dog, a smile slow to form on his lips. Though it faltered when his eyes wandered, taking note of the unusual silence.

“No Hudson.” I spoke reassuringly. “I just came to see you.” I wanted to check on him, but Auston didn’t need to know that.

“You can come in.” Auston stepped aside and let Felix go. I walked into the house as he shut the door, greeting Felix with a high pitched hello and rubbing the dog’s ears while he padded his feet on the floor and wagged his tail endlessly.

“Somebody just got a hair cut.” I commented. “And he looks so handsome!”

“Thanks.” I looked up at Auston when he spoke, laughing at his sarcasm.

“You certainly look like you could use one too. Need me to cut it?” I offered, standing upright to pull at a lock of his brown hair. “It is getting a little long.”

“If you have time.” Auston shrugged. I could tell he was uncertain as to whether this was a quick stop or a full day visit.

“Well, Hudson’s having a sleep over with nan. So, if you’ll have me, I wouldn’t mind staying here tonight.” I smiled. “I’ll have all the time in the world then.” I watched him smile and nod, reaching for one of my hands.

“Yeah, yeah you can stay.” I was surprised when Auston pulled me into a hug, his entire body pressed against my own while his head fell against my shoulder. He was stressed. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was still about Hudson.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get this hair cut.”

Auston and I had been so busy, that we almost forgot how important it was to continue to nurture our own relationship. I couldn’t help the guilt I felt as I watched him walk up the steps, following at a safe pace behind. I missed him. The alone time, the childish nights of cuddling and making out. Even the failed dates we vowed to never go on again.

I followed Auston into the master bathroom, setting the toilet seat down while he got the shears and hair clippers out, as well as a squirt bottle. He made sure everything was functional and ready before turning to me with his comb in hand.

This had not been what I came over for, but I knew a bit of loving contact would loosen him up and hopefully cause him to be more open to the conversation we needed to have. I wanted to be on the same page with Auston before he and Hudson spoke again. Sure, Hudson had said he’d hated Auston before, and yes they had sorted that conflict out on their own. But this was a little bigger than that. Hudson had hit Auston’s insecurities right on the head and he didn’t even know it.

“Pop a squat.” I spoke, gently resting my hand on Auston’s hip and guiding him down onto the toilet. “What did you and Felix do today?” I created small talk as I combed through Auston’s smooth hair, glancing at his face occasionally to see his eyes closed and a faint smile on his lips.

“We went for a walk. Hung out by the pool for a little while, planned his next playdate with Zeus. Oh! And I ordered him some new toys and treats for his birthday.”

“I forgot it was his birthday coming up. How old is he going to be?” Speaking of the dog, Auston and I both looked toward the door when his tags jingled. Felix sat in the doorway, dropping a ball on the floor and watching it bounce into the bathroom. Auston laughed. I had missed his happiness.

“Not now, buddy.” He spoke to his furry friend. “He’ll be turning five.”

“Five is a big number.” I teased softly, earning a laugh from Auston. I set his comb down after I finished using it, reaching for the bottle to begin spritzing his hair. Once I was sure it was well wetted, I swapped once again for the shears. “Hold still, okay?”

“Got it.” We sat in silence for close to five minutes before I watched Auston’s shoulders drop. Relaxed? Relieved?

“How are you feeling today?” My tone grew much softer, trying not to cause any discomfort. I watched Felix lay down in the doorway before I began to cut Auston’s hair.

“I guess I’m alright. Still a little shaken up.. about everything that’s happened, but I’m okay.”

“I spoke with Hudson last night. He was pretty upset about what he said to you.”
“I guess that’s good to hear.” Auston looked down at his hands. I sighed.

“You know how much he loves you, right? You are the first person on his mind every day.”

“Yeah, but-“

“No, Auston. Listen.. kids say things they don’t mean sometimes. They don’t have the best filters, or grasps on their emotions. And Hudson has never spent that long without seeing you before. It was a routine that got messed up, and for kids, routines are important. Routines are things they expect that they can trust to be consistent. This was a learning curve for everybody. He was anxious. He missed you, and it was hard for him to go to bed at night without hearing from you. He also doesn’t understand time.” I took Auston’s silence as a cue to go on. “Even if you did nothing wrong, he registered it as something wrong. It may take him some time to figure it out, but he still loves you, and once that consistency is restored, everything will be okay.”

Auston shuffled his feet slightly, nodding.

“I’m sorry I left last night.”

“Aus, a lot of shit happened last night. I didn’t expect you to stay. You’ve been so stressed, and I know that fight didn’t help at all. I’m just happy I can be here with you today.”

It was about fifteen more minutes before I finished cutting Auston’s hair. I set everything aside and grabbed a towel and a washcloth from his cabinet. “Why don’t you grab a shower, I’ll get you some clothes and we can go lay down for a bit.” I set the two towels down on the lip of the tub as Auston stood up. When I turned around, I came face to face with him.

“Thanks for being there,” his voice was barely louder than a whisper, hands landing on my hips. Our lips met briefly in a chaste kiss before I pulled away. “I’ll be fast,” he promised. I stepped out of the bathroom and pulled the door closed, fetching a fresh set of clothing from Auston’s dresser. I stepped back into the bathroom, placing the clothing on the counter top. Auston had already hopped into the shower, drawing the curtain back slightly to peek at me. 
“Wanna join?”

I pretended to consider the question before I sighed, as if I was plagued by saying yes.
“Fine, but only because I missed you, Matthews.”

“Awesome.” I watched the curtain fall closed, laughing softly to myself. I stripped down, leaving my clothes in a heap on the floor. I slid the engagement ring off my finger, placing it in the jewelry dish by the faucet. One Auston had purchased for days and nights spent at his place. I climbed into the shower, Auston’s hands swiftly finding my body. I helped wash his hair, and rubbed the muscles that were sore while Auston busied himself with every inch of me. His behavior left me giggling for most of the shower, and once the water was turned off, I ushered him out, following close behind. Auston grabbed the towel I had set out for him, wrapping up with a smile on his lips.

“Gotta keep you warm,” Auston spoke, going the extra mile to kneel down and dry my legs. I ran my hands through his fresh cut hair while he worked, smiling to myself at how kind he was.

“Alright, why don’t you get dressed, Aus? I’m gonna go grab some clothes.” I slid out of the bathroom, grabbing a makeshift outfit for myself, constructed of Auston’s clothing. I had things to wear at his place, but his stuff was so much more comfortable.

When Auston stepped out of the bathroom, our eyes met. It had been so long since we were able to spend any time alone. I watched his expression shift into a look of mischief before he rushed in my direction. A gasp escaped my lips when he hoisted me up over his shoulder.

“Auston!” I shouted at him, but it was in vain. I felt him lift me up once again before my back came into contact with his mattress. Then I heard Felix bark, and soon he had joined us for some fun. The fluffy dog hopped up onto the bed, and I was quick to sit up to avoid any unwanted kisses.

“You’re an ass,” I whined at Auston in a playful tone. He climbed up onto the bed and gently pushed me down onto my back once again. Felix tried to invade our fun, sniffing at both Auston and I, before Auston gently waved him off.

“It’s not nice to insult your significant others.” Auston spoke, leaning in to press a kiss to my lips. He climbed off of me and up the bed, sitting down as I sat up. I joined him by the headboard, resting my hand beneath his jaw and bringing his lips to my own again.

“It’s not an insult. It’s a reality check,” I teased. Auston giggled softly, and I swore I could have heard him snort.

Auston laid down and settled his head in my lap. Felix approached with a wagging tail, sniffing at me, and my stomach, before laying down next to me.

“I missed you so much,” Auston whispered as his head came to rest atop my own. “I wish you and Hudson could have come to a game.”

“I know, it just wasn’t in the cards for us this time. It will be next time though.” Auston’s silence made me tense slightly.

“What if there isn’t a next time? What if we don’t make playoffs again?” I looked at him, brow furrowed.

“Whether there is or isn’t, Hudson and I will try to make every important milestone you reach. I can’t tell the future but I can tell you right now, that we love you very much, and we want to be there for you.” My words brought a smile to his lips.

“Thanks,” I pressed a kiss to Auston’s forehead. His eyes fell closed, sighing in comfort.

“Oh, and Hudson watched every one of your playoff games on the tv, just for the record.”

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[thyfleshc0nsumed]

I agree with you about your stances on punishment, and I think it's so important to see that perspective instead of the more common one. I do not want to live in a world with the death penalty or prison.

But I'm very curious how you got to the point where you want your abuser to be happy. Capital H happy. I've never seen that before. I think it's great, and it must've taken a lot of time, and if it's not too personal, I'd like to hear about the process. If not to help myself, to help someone else. I'm personally very very jaded to the whole "forgiveness" mentality (it seems very catholic to me somehow? I forgive you so I'm better than you?) But the way you put it feels different somehow. Sorry for picking your brain, and if it's too personal I totally get it. Thanks for your time.

Thank you for this question.

Hm, it's a tough one. It may be informed by my lack of any singular capital-A Abuser. Certainly, I have had people who were abusive to me longer term (my mother especially), but for the most part it was many dozens of adults in single instances or shorter term situations during my childhood and teenage years that raped or otherwise harmed me. That lack of any singular individual to act as a locus for all the damage may have made it easier for me to come to a point where I wish them well.

I remember being 19, face in my toilet bowl, puking my guts up after downing a fifth of rum in an hour or two. I think it was a Thursday. I understood my mother for the first time. I wanted to stop drinking, and I didn't know why I couldn't.

My roommate at the time slept on a mattress on the floor in the living room. He left his family the day he turned 18 and took the Greyhound across the country to crash with me. We were good friends when he got here, but my negligence and failure to control my drug use ruined that relationship within a few months. He stayed with me for two years. He didn't have other options.

I don't remember those years well at all. Besides various temp jobs, all I did was drink, get fucked up, and make messes I never cleaned up. It was a one bedroom apartment and I had the bedroom, he couldn't really go anywhere. He didn't really know anyone. I was a fucking terror to live with, and a terror he couldn't even really get away from.

And I didn't mean to be that way. I didn't mean to hurt him with my dereliction. But it doesn't matter, y'know, impact is more important than intent. I fucked up bad.

Eventually he left. I was and still am filled with remorse for putting him through what I did. Maybe this perspective is the christian upbringing, maybe it's twelve step bullshit, but often I see my feelings as very self serving. I can justify just about anything, as long as I use enough self pity. But this feeling was different. It was just... remorse, pure and unfiltered. No rationalizations as to how it wasn't really my fault, no equivocations, no blaming outside factors, just acknowledgement that I fucked up and I hurt someone I loved. I was sorry that I had done that.

Humility does not come naturally to me. This was a humbling experience.

I--and everyone I've ever met, everyone who ever harmed me--am a human being. No more, no less. In each of us is potential both to love deeply and to do great harm to others. No one is without both these potentials.

It comes down to this: what I wish for myself, I must wish for all.

Do not mistake me here--this does not neatly translate into a pragmatic political position. For me, this is simply some sort of spirituality, that is to say, how I strive to navigate my life, day at a time, in the world as I find it. This is as small scale as it can get.

I understand that feeling about forgiveness you mention. What I have to say about it probably won't help the christian connotation; I am an atheist and a subjectivist, though obviously culturally evangelical. Maybe it is that last part that influences this next, but I don't feel I have the authority to forgive anyone. Or, in another word, 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone.'

Now, of course, I believe in neither god nor sin, but I do believe in harm. 'Let he who is not capable of such harm cast the first stone,' perhaps. Not all harm is equivalent, certainly, but no one is innately capable or incapable of greater harm than others. The ability to actually do harm is relative to relations to power, no doubt, but a given power relation is not innate.

So yeah I end up back at 'i have no moral high ground over or under anyone else, the forgiveness is neither mine to give nor withhold,' which frankly is a rather christian viewpoint.

There's this idea in Judaism that has stuck with me for the last few years: tikkun olam. To repair the world. What must I do to ensure my part in that repair happens?

There is so little I have control of. The only thing I can change is what I do. If the world around me is hardened and cruel, why must I adopt that cruelty into myself? Will it get me better outcomes in life? Perhaps, perhaps not. I have found it hasn't, but others may find it has. But that's talking about results. And I don't have power over results.

I cannot change the world, cannot repair it alone. But I think I can work to repair myself, and in the process, the smallest portion of the world may be repaired alongside me. Maybe, maybe not. It becomes a matter of faith. Or to put it in a therapeutic framing, it's an 'even if.'

I'll end with this, an old twelve step saying: "resentments are like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to die."

What is a resentment? Re- as in once more. -sent, as in sentiment. Feeling something once more. It is the reanimated corpse of a feeling, not the feeling itself. It looks like the feeling you know, maybe walks and talks like it too. But it's rotting away. It died long ago. So why should you pretend the corpse is alive? It moves, it rasps, but it's something else now; it only shares a body with the original, nothing else. So maybe it's time to let go, and begin to move forward.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

I have been thinking a lot about blood bending lately and why the writers decided to go with the storyline of it being banned. I personally do not think it should have been. Like any bending form it can be used for awful things or it could be used for great things (my first thought is always in a medical sense but I’m sure there are other uses). And then I started to wonder if part of why they did that is bc that storyline was connected to Katara more than anyone else, and maybe this was a way to sideline her/focus more on Korra and the new gang instead of exploring with the older characters along with the new ones. But I was wondering if you had any thoughts on it!

hi anon! Sorry for getting to your ask a little late. I was at music camp (okay it’s a professional development program for musicians but I think of it as music camp in an effort to remind myself to have fun) and it was a big challenge since I’m chronically ill and needed a whole apothecary of meds to get through it. (I’m fine now! But needed to pace very carefully before & after and therefore stayed away from Tumblr)

It’s absolutely weird to me that bloodbending is singled out in a world where people can literally steal breath from one’s lungs, but it’s even weirder to me that they had a whole “ban bloodbending” storyline and sidelined Katara, because like…in what world would Katara feel strongly enough about bloodbending to ban it, yet do nothing to enforce the ban? The only explanation that makes sense is that she banned it because she was so ashamed, and stayed away from all the stuff around Yakone et al because she couldn’t bear to be reminded of what she’d done. And like all interpretations of canon Katara in LOK, that is just horribly heartbreaking.

I don’t begrudge the creators for wanting LOK to be about the new generation and I don’t mind seeing the Gaang play second fiddle. But I do object to the creators putting Katara in these situations where she could something in her wheelhouse, that’s in-character with her skills and ambitions, that is in line with her cultural impact as a role model for girls…and then sidelining her. Yakone is a big example, obviously, but so is Katara’s lack of involvement in the Civil War, the Red Lotus kidnapping, etc.

Like you said, bloodbending is useful in terms of the medical implications, but I also think it’s a humane tool in battle as long as it’s only used to incapacitate and not control. I can’t think of many better ways of incapacitating an enemy without causing serious damage (it’s even more efficient than chi-blocking!). If a bloodbender can stop encroaching enemies in their tracks with a flick of their wrist — well, that actually seems more humane than freezing them into ice cubes, which is the go-to waterbender move. I mean, Katara stops Hama with bloodbending in The Puppetmaster; she doesn’t actually control Hama with it. It’s terrible to override people’s bodily autonomy and make them do things they don’t want to do, but that is a very specific use of bloodbending.

I do think, though, that Katara is not the type of person to recognize all the other potential uses of bloodbending unless someone prompts her, and unfortunately that person is not going to be Aang. It doesn’t help that Katara’s first experience with bloodbending is being stripped of her own agency; similarly, it becomes her go-to weapon when she encounters (she thinks) the person who made her feel the most powerless in her life. To Katara, bloodbending is about taking power from someone else…and on her own, she’s not likely to see other applications. Katara is an excellent fighter with a lot of raw power, finesse, and creativity, but she’s not actually all that in-tune with her element, and I think that’s another reason she was never very interested in healing in canon (Katara and waterbending could be a whole other meta). Katara would’ve been an equally excellent bender no matter which element she wields, unlike Toph and Aang, who are uniquely suited to their elements. Katara borrows a lot from the more aggressive forms of bending (fire and earth): grabs people with water tentacles, hits them with ice disks, overwhelms them with big waves. For all that waterbending is about going with the flow and using the opponent’s strengths against them, Katara doesn’t exactly exemplify that philosophy (unlike Aang, btw, who is more intuitive as a waterbender than she is; that is why he picked it up more quickly at the beginning). She addresses all her problems head-on and is more likely to meet them with raw power than anything else. If I were to guess her astrological placements, she’d be an Aries Mars, minimum, if not an Aries Sun as well (she’d be a Cancer Moon though…I have Thoughts on ATLA astrology lmao).

Anyway, all this to say: I don’t think Katara would’ve thought of the healing implications of bloodbending on her own, when she’s already been traumatized by it, and that’s pretty tragic tbh. I like the Zutara interpretation of Zuko inspiring Katara to think there are other uses for bloodbending (as a wielder of a potentially destructive element), but I think Toph could’ve had a conversation with her about other uses for bloodbending as well, since Toph is really creative with earth. Actually, I think Zuko or Toph or Sokka could’ve all had a conversation with Katara about coming to terms about doing things that one is not proud of & moving past them, but I guess Katara can only follow the rigid moral code of her Do No Wrong boyfriend. Anyway, LOK’s despicable treatment of ATLA’s female characters is nothing new, but Katara’s is the most obvious and egregious because she’s actually there. We have no idea what happened to Suki or Azula or Mai or Ty Lee, and what we do see from Toph is not great either (in what world would she retire to be lonely in a swamp when having her friends meant the world to her…). All the boys got to have cool fulfilling lives and all the girls who aren’t lost to history are sad sacks, thanks Bryke! On a non-sarcastic note, thank you anon for such an interesting question!

[malusmagpie]

Maker, Save The Queen

Pairing: Anakin x Female!Reader

Summary: You found yourself being forced to flee the planet you ruled and Anakin was assigned to keep you and your son safe.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, MOMMY KINK, submissive!Anakin, dirty talk, big ol tiddies, age gap (13 years), older female reader.

A/N: HAPPY MAY THE 4TH YALLLLLL!!!! I’m sorry but every time i think of sub!Anakin i smile. i genuinely think he has a mommy kink. dude loves milfs. this was a really fun story to create i’m sorry if any of it feels rushed i had to succumb to time jumps to keep this under 10k words (because i am insane.) Sorry it’s not normal dom daddy anakin but idk. I think he would have a mommy kink. the reasons are obvious. enjoy!! 🫶🏼(oh dedicated to @jellydodger & @skywlker-sluvtt)

Word Count: 7.1K

Onderon was your home, it always has been. You’d grown up here, found the love of your life, and lived a lavish life of royalty. You’d never even left the planet. Your husband was an heir when you met him and he fell in love with you immediately, or so he always said. That was 15 years ago. You’d both grown and even had the privilege of having a beautiful baby boy. The new heir of Onderon.

When the Separatist Alliance came knocking to make a deal with your husband, you pleaded for him to hear your words of caution. He ignored you, as he normally did, and allied with them. That was a week ago and in that time, you chose to leave. There was no way you’d allow yourself to sit back in luxury and watch this war from the wrong side.

Your bags were packed and your husband rushed into the room to plead you to stay and hear his side. “I will not allow myself to fall victim to Separatist manipulation. If this is how you choose to rule, you’re not the man I loved.” You spoke as tears prickled your eyes. Your son had been playing prior to your husband busting into the room but now he held onto the leg of your pants and looked up between the two of you. You raised a protective hand and rested it on his head by your side.

“My love, this guarantees our safety, our sons safety. Please hear me when I say I did this for you.” He spoke as he dropped to his knees in front of you. You looked at one of the housekeepers and she took your bags to the front.

“If your words were true you wouldn’t have done this. You don’t see what I see. You’re blinded by power. They will turn on you. Just as they have turned on the rest of the galaxy. I will not let me nor my son be exposed to such danger.” You spoke with your head held high. Your son clung onto your leg as he watched. You tried to keep it as civil as possible, for his sake.

“You cannot take him. He’s my son, too.” The man you once loved had tears in his own eyes as he pleaded further and you looked down at your son.

“You are a danger to him. I will keep him safer than you ever could. Come now, Darson.” You spoke gently as you took the boys hand. The two of you walked toward the palace exit.

“You’ll be killed for rebelling, Y/N.” He called after you, unknowing of the plan you had already laid out and taken the first steps toward initiating. You didn’t speak, this had been enough for your son to bare witness to. You’d leave with your head held high and minimal emotional damage done to the boy, the light of your life and your blessing.

As you exited the palace you looked back at it, droids were surrounding the area you once called your home. It was once beautiful, a sanctuary even, and now it was nothing short of a war zone. You dropped your head and reached your arms out to your son, he was only 8 but he was intelligent. More intelligent than most. He knew just as well as you did the severity of the situation. You carried him on your hip as you boarded the ship that was waiting for you on the outskirts of the palace grounds.

“Is the course set?” You asked with haste as one of the men on the ship closed the hatch of the ship behind you. The man in white and blue plastoid armour nodded.

“Yes, Milady. You’re set for Coruscant. There is not yet any surveillance systems set up by the Separatist Alliance on your planet. They didn’t see us coming and they won’t see us leaving.” You nodded and set your son down on one of the chairs.

“Mommy where are we going?” He asked and you smiled at him, placing your hand on his cheek.

“Somewhere safe. Don’t be scared. I’m with you. You just keep busy.” You smiled as you ruffled his hair. He smiled wearily at you before he began to play with one of the toys he had brought with him in his pocket.

— Meanwhile —

Anakin paced the room he was waiting in, this was his first true mission alone. His job was to be your body guard. He was ordered take you far away and find refuge on the planet of Alderaan the second you landed in Coruscant. “She has a son?” Anakin asked, he was clearly nervous. Obi-Wan watched him pace with his hands crossed in front of him.

“Yes, Anakin. She does.” He nodded, almost amused by how nervous his Padawan was. He watched Anakin pace left and right in front of him. “It’s nothing you cannot handle. You just need to keep her safe until we can find her permanent and safe lodging here, on Coruscant.” Obi-Wan continued and Anakin sighed frustratedly.

“I know I can do it, I’m not worried. I’m just asking for clarification.” Anakin muttered as he stopped pacing to run a hand through his hair. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at the boy.

“Is that why you’ve ‘asked for clarification’ four times now?” He said, a hint of a smile infected his words.

“I’m fine, Master. When will they arrive?” Anakin cursed at himself for asking the question he’d already asked a half hour ago and Obi-Wan entertained it, though he didn’t try to make it any less embarrassing for him.

“Ten minutes. Any more clarification, my young Padawan?” He inquired with a teasing tone and Anakin rolled his eyes, muttering a quick “No thank you, Master.” As he began to make his way to the landing pad.

It was a longer journey than you’d expected and by the time you and your son had landed you had to carry his sleeping body out of the ship while the kind Clones carried your things to another ship. You were greeted by Anakin and Obi-Wan. A small smile graced your lips as the two bowed to you politely. “Your highness. Welcome to Coruscant. I’m afraid you won’t be here long enough to acquaint yourself. There are strict orders to take you to Alderaan in a few moments. I am Obi-Wan Kenobi. This is Anakin Skywalker. He will be the Jedi to protect you during these trying times. Our condolences extend to you and your boy.” Obi-Wan said in the utmost professional way that Anakin was yet to learn how to harness. It’s definitely the accent. Anakin thought to himself.

You bowed your head at the two and looked down at Darson, he looked star struck to see two real Jedis, before looking back at them with a saddened smile. “I appreciate this more than you could ever know. It’s an honour to meet you both. This is my boy, Darson.” You gestures toward the young boy with dark curly hair who was hiding behind your leg.

“Well Darson. I can assure you and your mother are in the finest hands we could provide. Anakin is exceptionally gifted.” Obi-Wan smiled at the boy and he hid himself further behind your leg causing a small laugh to escape your lips.

“He’ll warm up eventually. He’s always admired the Jedi Order. He’s just a bit in shock.” You combed your hand through your sons hair and Anakin nodded.

“I felt the same way when I first saw a Jedi.” Anakin said with a small smile.

“Do you have a lightsaber?” Darson asked. Anakin chuckled and nodded his head.

“I’ll show it to you when we land.” You looked at him. He was young, couldn’t be over 22. Handsome, yes, but young. You trusted the words of Obi-Wan but you had your doubts. Anakin looked at you and cleared his throat.

“I will do everything I can to serve and protect you, Your Highness. You have nothing to worry about. I’ll die before I let anything happen to you two, and I don’t plan on dying soon.” He stood up straight, the smiling look on his face turned serious. You nodded again as calm washed over you at Anakin’s words and he gestured his hand towards the ship that was waiting for the three of you.

“I cannot thank you enough, Master Kenobi. I will be sure to send a message when we land.” You said to the older Jedi before following Anakin to the ship, your sons hand tightened its grip in yours and you gave it a comforting squeeze. This other ship was smaller than your royal cruiser, but more than adequate for the three of you.

“The battalion won’t be joining us, the smaller ships are faster in case we need to run.” Anakin’s voice was quiet so only you would hear it.

“Thank you, Master Skywalker.” You spoke and he felt his cheeks burn when you called him Master. He walked behind you as you entered the ship so you wouldn’t notice. You were wearing tight pants and a tunic. Very common clothing as you were trying not to be recognized as a queen. You had left all your royal garb on your home planet, only packing a few variations of civilian clothing. You usual royally painted face was in its natural state and your hair was simply tied to the high point of your head. He definitely didn’t mind walking behind you, it was a bit of a pleasant sight.

“You can just call me Anakin.” His voice cracked and he thought you didn’t notice but you did. A small grin pulled at your lips.

“My apologies. Anakin.” You turned to look at him as you spoke before finding a safe place to sit for your son. You turned on the ships HoloNet for your son and held the remote out to him. “Here’s the remote, my love. You can watch whatever you like. Stay busy for Mommy, okay? This might be a long trip.” You kissed Darson’s head and he took the remote with gentle hands before flipping through the vast number of channels. Anakin watched you with his arms crossed and when you looked back at him, he made a quick turn on his heels to walk toward the cockpit. You chuckled to yourself at his odd demeanour.

You sat in the cockpit next to Anakin. He looked at you and when you looked at him his head snapped back to face his front. “All good to go?” He cleared his throat and you nodded. He began to flip switches and press buttons. The ship began to hover before he pushed on the thrusters to move it forward. You watched the planet begin to fall behind you as you sped through the atmosphere. The two of you sat in silence, the sound of your son watching some sort of children’s HoloFilm filled the quiet ship.

“Anakin. Do you think I did the right thing?” You spoke quietly with your face still watching as the sky of Coruscant turned into the stars of the galaxy. He looked at you, promptly turning away. Is he avoiding looking at me? You thought to yourself before he spoke.

“I think you did what you needed to do to ensure both your safety. Your ideas on the Separatists turning on your husband after they get what they want is are extremely plausible.” He spoke and you turned away from him with a sigh. Your heart wasn’t right, you had just left the man you’d loved for 15 years and you were to raise your son without him. The idea was heartbreaking and something you never thought you’d have to live through. You watched as Anakin pushed another button and stood up from his seat.

“Auto-pilot. I’m gonna go find something for you and Darson to eat, I’m sure you’re hungry after the trip from Onderon. I am too.” He bowed at you before walking away. You sat in your place as he rummaged around the small cabinets. The Jedi Council had asked for a few meals and drinks to be available on the ship as the journey was going to be about a day long. You heard a small crash and a “Shit.” come from behind you so you stood up and followed the noise.

“Anakin is everything okay?” You called as you turned the corner to see him picking up pieces of a broken plate. “Here.” You bent down to help him collect the glass shards and he placed a hand that was adorned with a leather glove over yours.

“Your Majesty, it’s alright. I’ll deal with it, I don’t wish to make you do any work.” He spoke and almost as quickly as he placed his hand on yours it was gone. You smiled at him, your eyes gleaming with humour.

“I don’t consider myself royalty as of now, Anakin. In my head, I gave that title up when I left my planet and people as a refugee. Please let me help. I was a commoner once, you know. I’ve done my fair share of breaking and picking up glass wear.” You laughed at the end of your small speech and he simply nodded politely. You went to look for a broom while he picked up the big pieces. You swept it all into the dust pan and dumped it in the trash can. “Oh and Anakin? Please call me Y/N. It’s very weird calling someone by their name while they call me Milady or Your Highness. I never did get used to it.” He stood up straight with his hands behind his back as you dusted your own hands off.

“As you wish, Y/N.” He said and you smiled at him. You had a very kind smile, he noticed. Everything about you was warm and maternal. Anakin hadn’t been around anybody like you since he left his mother on Tatooine. He didn’t like to think of holding her while she died to be the last time he saw her, he practically repressed the entire memory.

“I can take care of the food, please let me. It’s the least I can do.” You spoke as you started to pull dishes down to plate one of the pre-made meals in the insulated cabinets and poured water into three cups. He sighed and took the cups to the table as you warmed the food.

“You don’t need to thank us, it’s in the job description.” He spoke over his shoulder from his position at the small bench where your son was watching his HoloFilm, a sense of humour in his eyes. You shook your head as you warmed the food.

“Job description or not, it doesn’t negate my feelings of gratitude.” You responded with a soft voice. The food was warm and you served it on three different plates. He was quick to take two of them and you took the other. You placed one in front of Darson and Anakin placed the other two in their respective spots on the table.

“Thanks, Mommy.” Darson spoke, his eyes never leaving the film as he scooped up some food on his spoon. A small chuckle left Anakin and you looked at him. Your eyes met and dropped to your own food almost immediately. You all ate and watched the children’s entertainment that played.

“That guys a jerk. I hope the main guy beats him.” Anakin spoke, raising his glass to his lips. Darson looked at him with wide, excited eyes. This was his favourite movie, he had made you watch it 100 times and it was clear he was excited to discuss it with somebody other than you.

“He gets him but there’s a bigger bad guy. That’s what the next ones about!” Darson said and Anakin raised his eyebrows.

“A bigger bad guy than the one I’m seeing right now? That’s impossible.” He said and you smiled. He seemed to be the kind of person who got along with kids. That notion alone made you feel a lot better. Darson nodded his head and began to speak with his mouthful.

“Sweetheart, Anakin is not going anywhere. Swallow your food before you speak, please.” You interrupted him and laughed gently while the boy swallowed his food with a closed mouth smile.

“It is possible I swear! I’ll show you the next one after this ends.” He exclaimed excitedly and turned his attention back to the movie. You and Anakin shared an amused glance and Anakin nodded.

“I’ll hold you to that, Darson.” Anakin replied and returned his attention to the movie. It was a decently made film, but you were so sick of it. It was nice to have somebody here to enjoy it with Darson.

You finished your food and brought everybody’s plates to the sink as the movie began to end. “I think I’m going to retire. Don’t let him stay up late.” You said to Anakin, he nodded in response.

“I won’t. Right after the next one I’ll send him to you.” He spoke as he followed you to the sink. “I’ll take care of this.” His hand brushed against yours in the sink and you both pulled away hastily. With a soft laugh you looked at him.

“Thank you, Anakin. Goodnight.” You smiled and he returned it.

“We’ll likely be landing by the time you both wake up. We’ll have breakfast on the ship.” He stated as he began washing the dishes, peering over to catch the movie every so often.

You brushed your hand over his shoulder as you walked away to the small room to lay down. His cheeks burned red at the gesture.

You stared at the ceiling as the muffled voices of the two boys in the main area talked about the movie excitedly. It reminded you of how his father would play with him. You felt tears in your eyes and rolled over to face the wall. Quiet sobs left your mouth, muffled by the blanket you were hiding under.

You cried until you heard the two of them laughing loudly through your door. You stood up and peaked your head out to see them sitting right next to each other and you laid back down. The sound of your sons laughter and the safety Anakin was working so hard to provide was enough to calm you and send you into a deep, blissful sleep. You felt your son curl up next to you at some point and you wrapped your arm around him before falling back asleep like you hadn’t even woken up.

The next morning you woke up to the sound of rustling outside your door. You snuck out of bed trying not to wake Darson and he nuzzled his face into the pillow. You wrapped your robe around you to cover up the nightgown you were wearing and with a yawn you opened your door to see Anakin pouring juice into a cup.

“Good morning, Anakin.” You said through another yawn and Anakin turned to you with a prompt nod his eyes stopped at your exposed legs for a millisecond too long, you noticed. He had a plate in his hand and upon seeing you he grabbed another off the counter, leaving one for your still sleeping son.

“Good morning. We’ll be landing soon.” He took the plates to the table and set them down. He took a seat and you sat next to him.

“Thank you.” You took a small bite of your food. You were almost never hungry in the morning but you didn’t want to be rude. He nodded as he ate his food. The silence between you both was comforting but something about it was begging to be filled.

“Darson is a good kid.” Anakin spoke up and you looked at him with a fond smile.

“I know. I heard you two yesterday. It made me feel a bit better.” You spoke and raised your hand to lean your chin on it.

“I know what it’s like to be a scared kid, too smart for his own good. I figured that a good time was what he needed.” He ate almost as quickly as he had sat down and placed his plate in the sink before washing it.

“Really?” You asked, watching him. His back was surprisingly broad and his shoulders looked strong as he scrubbed at the plate. You moved your eyes to one of the windows in the room, watching the stars fly by.

“Yeah. When I was first taken in by the Order. I hadn’t even left Tatooine before and I got thrown immediately into training. The joys of being The Chosen One, I guess. Never got to be a kid and watch films.” He looked at you over his shoulder and your eyebrows raised when he mentioned being The Chosen One.

“The Chosen One?” You inquired as you swallowed the bite you were chewing on while he spoke. He nodded and dried the water on his hands.

“I’m gonna bring balance to the Galaxy. Or so they say.” He leaned against the counter with his arms crossed and you nodded.

“You are indeed impressive, Anakin.” You smiled and looked over to the window again when you saw a planet in the distance. “Is that it?” You pointed out the window and he leaned over to inspect what you were gesturing too.

“Yeah. That’s Alderaan.” He said and you hummed. It looked a bit like your own planet, but Alderaan clearly had more mountains.

You looked at him and let out a deep breath. “Guess we’ll be set to move soon.” You started as you placed your plate in the sink, he turned immediately to begin washing it and you smiled. He was so eager to help so you let him, it was almost sweet. “I’ll wake Darson.” You walked back into the room and changed into something decent before brushing your hair. You tapped Darson. “Sweetheart we’re here.” You cooed and he woke up groggily.

“Good morning.” You smiled and he mumbled something along the same lines as he sat up and looked out the window. His eyes widened at the new sight.

“Woah! I gotta go see it from the cockpit!” Every ounce of exhaustion was gone from the boys face as he got changed and ran out to Anakin. He begged him to let him into the cockpit and Anakin obliged. You cleaned up the room and made sure all of your things were in order before following their voices. You tried to urge him to eat first and he refused, his excitement didn’t allow for much hunger.

You let the two talk and decided to bring the bags by the door. Anakin caught site of you carrying one at a time. “I’m gonna help your mom, I’ll be right back.” He made sure Darson was adequately strapped into the cockpit chair before coming over to you and taking the bag from your hand. “You do a lot of work for somebody who was living a royal lifestyle.” He laughed. You chuckled in response.

“I wasn’t born into it so it never came naturally to me to just let other people do my bidding. I never even let the servants do things for me. I’d do most things by myself even though my husband-“ You cleared your throat. “The king disapproved of it.” Your voice faltered a bit and you pursed your lips for a moment before turning away from the boy who towered over you.

“I do want to say I’m sorry for what happened, again. You’re dealing with it tremendously.” His voice was sincere and there was no look of teasing or joking on his face. You smiled at your son pretending to steer the ship in the cockpit.

“Not your fault. If anything, you’re the last person who should be apologizing. You’re helping me.” You spoke with your arms crossed and Anakin rested a hand on your shoulder while keeping a respectful distance.

“It really is my pleasure.” He said before going to get the rest of your things. When he left you, you felt warmth on your shoulder where he touched you and it made your stomach twist like you were a teenage girl who just said hi to her crush. You shook the thought from your head and sat down in the cockpit behind your son, strapping in.

Anakin followed shortly to land the ship. He did it with no issue, almost like it was second nature. He continued to surprise you in little ways and it made you feel a way you hadn’t felt in years. Excited.

——

Six hours had passed. You had sent a message to Obi-Wan as promised and he responded promptly. Once the Council knew you were safe you and Anakin had begun to get settled into the small home you were to hide in for the time being. Darson got to play with the lightsaber, Anakin taught him a few tricks. He had been on cloud nine and full of energy for at least 3 of the hours you guys had been on Alderaan. Anakin had left shortly after the lightsaber activities to check the perimeter. You sat on the couch and watched a HoloNet children’s show with Darsons head in your lap. “I wish Anakin was my dad.” He whispered and you looked down at him shocked.

“Well, he makes a fine step in for a brother. He’s far too young for all that.” You laughed. You combed through his hair as he crashed from all the excitement he had experienced from the past day. His small snores echoed through the room and you picked him up gently to place him in the small room he’d gotten to himself, tucking him in and giving him a kiss on the head before shutting his door behind you. As you shut the door you heard footsteps and you froze for a moment until you saw Anakin walk through the entry to the small lounging area. You let a breath out and proceeded to change the channel to something that wasn’t a cartoon.

“Did I scare you, Y/N?” He asked with a gentle chuckle as he sat on the single chaise beside the couch. You laughed yourself and looked at him. “A little. I guess I’m jumpy.” You responded, your eyes glued to his. For the first time neither of you looked away.

“My apologies.” His voice was quieter and you weren’t sure if it was because he knew Darson was sleeping or if he just wanted you to lean toward him to hear him. Either way you did end up leaning toward him a little as he spoke.

You shook your head and another short laugh emitted from you as you sat on the couch. You could feel him looking at you while your own eyes watched the hologram. “Am I of interest to you or do you have a staring problem.” Your lips curled into a soft smile as you spoke and Anakin cleared his throat, looking away. He was silent for a few moments and you looked at him, almost expecting him to simply ignore you.

“I don’t think I can give you a respectful answer to that.” His voice was quiet again as he stared at the show in front of him. It was of little to not interest to him but he didn’t know where else to look. You raised an eyebrow at his response.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, pausing the show to force him to look at you and he did. He shook his head as his eyes took you in.

“You’re far more beautiful than I could have imagined.” He gulped, his confidence seemed to have disappeared in a split second.

“What, because I’m 35?” You laughed, admittedly this was fun. He was handsome and exciting, and seeing him feel nervous around you made you feel sexy. At least the closest to it that you had felt in years. He shook his head quickly and furrowed his eyebrows.

“No, no. I just. I guess..” He sighed. “I just didn’t imagine you’d look as good as you do.” He struggled to keep eye contact, his eyes darted around the room.

“35 isn’t old, you know. I still have a long time to go.” You smiled again. “I’d even argue to say I’m in my prime.” You held your head high and he laughed gently.

“I believe that.” He responded and you placed your hand in front of your mouth when a giggle left your lips. You hadn’t giggled since you were young and your cheeks burned as a light pink colour washed over them. At that you saw a hint of something devilish take over his features and you watched him closely. “I’m going to shower.” He said as he walked away, your eyes darted to his bag of clothes that still sat in the entry way and before you could say anything he was gone and the door to the bathroom was shut behind him.

You sat on the couch watching the show as you heard him turn the water on and your heart beat quickened as you imagined what he would look like right now. You pushed the thought away as quickly as it came but your heart beat wasn’t so easily tamed. It wasn’t more than 10 minutes before you heard the water stop. From the corner of your eyes you saw him emerge into the room again, his wet hair fell over his eyes and he held a towel around his waist as he came to the front to get his bag. “Forgot this.” He muttered and looked at you as he lifted the bag causing your breath to get caught in your throat.

“Right… You’ll need them.” You mentioned. Maker, I wish he didn’t. You thought to yourself as you subconsciously bit gently at your lip. He saw it and a smirk graced his features. He left to go to his room and you let out deep breaths to relax. He came back shortly wearing only a pair of thin, baggy, black pants that hung dangerously low on his hips.

“Have I shown you your room yet?” He inquired as he shook his hair out with his hand. Quite a performance if you said so yourself. You shook your head and he held his hand out to you.

“I insist.” He smiled and you took his hand, rising from your seat, and followed him. He walked you through to the other side of the home and opened the door and you saw normal room decor, a large bed and a small attached bathroom. “All yours.” He let go of your hand as he turned to look at you.

“It’s nice.” You said, you weren’t even looking at the room. Your eyes were glued to his muscular chest, his large arms and that beautiful scar on his face.

“Bold words for somebody who’s not even looking at it.” He smirked and you walked toward him, pushing your hand against the door to close it. His eyes widened a bit at the act.

“I was really doubting this would work.” He whispered as you neared his tall frame. It was your turn to smirk now.

“Oh, Anakin. I don’t believe you. Who wouldn’t this work on?” Your voice was hushed as you pressed your hand against his warm chest. You looked up at him and other hand cupped his cheek. “You’re a handsome boy. Most handsome one I’ve seen yet.” Your gaze didn’t break for even a moment. He shivered under your touch and placed his hands on your hips, pulling you even closer.

“Th-thank you.” He stuttered a bit and you raised a brow.

“Did I scare you, Anakin?” You teased, reciting his own words from earlier and he gulped again. “Such a sweet boy.” You hummed as you rubbed your thumb against his cheek and he leaned into it with his eyes fluttering shut.

You took that as your queue to lean up toward him and press you lips against his. He moaned into the kiss, to your surprise, and you pulled away with a smirk on your face. His eyes opened slowly and you pulled him gently toward the bed. He followed with no hesitation and you pushed him so he was sitting on the edge. You climbed onto his lap, straddling him and he wrapped his flesh hand behind your neck, the gloved hand held the small of your back. Both your arms draped around his shoulders as you looked down at him. His eyes stared into yours before pulling you in for another kiss. You pushed your tongue at his lip and he opened his mouth immediately to let you in.

Your tongues explored each others mouths and he let out a small whimper when you sucked on his soft muscle. Your hands roamed to grab at his shoulders and you felt them tighten. You hummed in response as you grinded down on him, immediately feeling him get hard.

“Good boy.” You whispered into the kiss and he let another moan leave his lips as you continued to rub on him gently over his pants with your ass. You were in shape for sure but your curves only got extenuated due to having a child. Each of your tits were almost the size of his head and your butt was fairly plump. You pushed him gently until he laid on his back and began to move your kisses down his chin towards his neck and he sucked a sharp breath in. This wasn’t his first time by any means, Anakin was no stranger to sexual experiences but he’d never been with an older woman. It was one of his biggest fantasies.

You pulled your shirt over your head as you kissed down his body and you felt him tense under you at the sight of your undergarments. Once you got to his pants that were definitely uncomfortably tight, you pulled on them with your teeth and his hips bucked, another whimper flew out from him.

“Eager are we?” Your laugh was low and sultry. He stared at you like you were the first woman he’d ever seen in his life. You pulled his pants down with your hands and his surprisingly big cock swung towards his stomach. “You continue to surprise me, Ani.” You whispered and he moaned.

“Please keep calling me that.” His eyes screwed shut as you wrapped your fingers around him, pumping slowly. His stomach tensed and you smirked.

“I will.” You responded before squeezing his dick ever so gently. He pulled you back up by your shoulders so you settled on his lap and he sat up as well. His hands fumbled with your bra and you undid the clasp for him with one hand and let it fall somewhere on the floor behind you. His eyes almost bulged out of his head as he stared at you, another laugh followed as you watched him. He leaned forward and his eyes stared up at you as he held one of your tits in his hand and latched his mouth to you hardened nipple.

“Just like that, Ani..” You moaned and he sucked on it gently, his tongue grazing against it every so often. Your hands combed his hair away from his face and you smiled down as he continued to watch your reactions. “You’re doing so good.” You cooed and his eyes fluttered shut again. You kept running your hands through his hair as he lulled away at your nipple before moving to the other one. The air hit your damp skin and you sucked in a sharp breath. It seemed he could have spent a lifetime sucking, nipping, and licking at your tits but you were feeling a wetness between your legs that needed to be tended to. You stood up and shimmied the rest of your clothing down your legs and climbed back over him.

He flipped the two of you so that he was on top and began to place desperate kisses all over your upper body before moving lower and lower. “Are you-“ He cut you off. “Yes, Mommy.” He moaned against your soft body as his hands roamed every inch they could. You were shocked but he didn’t even seem to flinch at his own words. It made you feel tingles all over your body and you didn’t mind.

“That’s a good boy..” You whispered as he finally reached your pussy. His tongue pressed against it and you moaned, leaning back into the bed. He licked at your hole, desperate to taste you and his eyes watched you as if he was dying to see how good you felt. You let out another moan and ran a hand into his hair, tugging tightly. He whimpered against you and focused on your clit. His hands reached up to fondle your breasts and his eyes were still locked onto yours. It had been so long it didn’t take much to make you cum the first time. Within a few moments you were writhing and shaking under his tongue.

“Yes, yes just like that, Ani. Make Mommy feel good… You’re doing so good.” You cooed as you rode out your high on his face. He moaned and squeezed his eyes shut as his dick got harder than it ever had before, it was almost painful.

“Thank you, Mommy.” He whispered as you praised him and you held your arms out for him.

“You’re so welcome.” You smiled. He climbed over top of you again, you licked his chin to clean your juices off and he moaned with his eyes rolled back. You rolled over so you were above him. His cock was pulsing and you could feel it against your ass. Your hand trailed down his muscles and you watched them twitch everywhere you touched. You grabbed him gently and pressed him against your entrance, teasing him with a little wiggle. He let out a sharp breath and looked at you with desperation. “Please, Mommy.” He whined and you bit your lip as you let yourself lower onto him. When you felt your ass connect to his hips you knew he was all the way in and you moaned at his size.

“Such a big cock on such a young man..” You whispered and he bit his own lip. You bounced up and down painfully slowly and watched him squirm below you. “You like that? You like watching me?” Your voice came out shaky and he moaned, knowing it was him who was making you sound like that.

“Yes, Mommy I really, really do.” His voice was filled with desperation and you picked up the pace. Your tits bounced in his face as you moaned, he immediately angled himself up to catch one in his mouth and began sucking like his life depending on it.

“Suck my tits like a good boy, Ani.” You encouraged him and his eyes squeezed shut. You felt your clit hit his skin with every bounce and you shivered, feeling another orgasm beginning to form in your stomach. “You’re gonna make me cum again, Ani. Such a big dick… Feels so good.” You threw your head back as you rode him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and whimpered as he twitched inside of you when your walls began to clench around him. It wasn’t long before he was letting out a slack jawed moan against your skin, his body jolted as he left his seed in you. It was warm as it dripped down around him and you slowed your motions. “Good boy.. Let it out.” You cooed as you caressed his hair and he whimpered, holding you close as he came down.

When he dropped his grip on you, you dismounted him and felt his cum falling slowly down your leg. You padded over to the bathroom and cleaned up before returning to where he laid motionless on the bed. “Was that.. Was that okay?” Anakin whispered as you laid down next to him and you laughed.

“More than okay. I haven’t ever had a lay like that, really.” You whispered back as you laid on your side to stare at him. He looked at you and laughed gently.

“I like you. I like your kid. I like this.” He smiled and you smiled back.

“I feel the same but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” You spoke gently, reaching up to remove his hair from his eyes.

The next few days consisted of waking up, making breakfast for the boys, watching Anakin play with Darson, making lunch, watching a movie, putting Darson to bed and then fucking the absolute shit out of each other. You were happy for the first time in years and Darson, the intelligent boy he was, wasn’t so dumb as to not notice when Anakin would wink at you or when he’d grab your bum when he thought nobody was watching. As odd as it was, Darson was quite happy at the outcome as well.

“Mommy is Anakin my new daddy?” Darson blurted out at the table during dinner and you both looked at each other with wide eyes. Anakin cleared his throat as you attempted to do damage control.

“Honey, Anakins a good friend now. He isn’t your new d-” You started and Anakin cut you off.

“Play your cards right, Darson and I might think about it.” He smiled and Darson punched a fist into the air. You kicked Anakin under the table and he let out a “Ouch.”

“I have a Jedi dad!” Darson yelled and you shushed him, shaking your head at Anakin with a smile.

“Darson, baby, you can’t say that kind of stuff. Anakin isn’t allowed to be a daddy or even marry. We can’t tell people that okay? Anakin is just playing. He’s a good friend.” You spoke and Darson smiled knowingly. He promised not to say anything but he knew the truth deep down, and he was elated about it.

That night after you put Darson to bed, you laid in Anakin’s arms. “He’s smart. He could keep a secret.” Anakin tried to negotiate with you and you shushed him, raising your head from his chest.

“Please. Just let this be nice for now. There’s too many implications. I’m still married technically. You’re a Jedi for Makers sake. Just… Give it time.” You spoke gently and looked at him, he nodded before kissing your forehead. You sighed and laid back on his chest as you both fell asleep, excited to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. You weren’t sure how long you’d be here but you’d be damned if you didn’t enjoy it.