#I had a plan and it was fucked over and I hate when that happens (it was supposed to last me a week and now it's 4 days)
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notmeowse · 2 days ago
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Solavellan ending and why I hate it
Major Veilguard endgame spoilers under the cut.
I beat the game two days ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that ending. I'm not going to get into the rest of the game's flaws. They've been covered at length. But all of those issues aside, the one perfect, untouchable thing I thought I had left as the game drew to a close was the Solavellan ending. After all, Trick wrote the original Solavellan romance and the incredible continuation of it in Trespasser. As lead writer, they were directly responsible for making it happen. I thought we had this in the bag.
So on one hand, my favorite Dragon Age romance finally reunited and disintegrated off into the sunset.
On the other hand, he did not choose her.
This is what ruined it for me. I know a lot of people have issues with her sacrificing her life to join him in the Fade, but that was really a secondary issue for me.
What was the point of their entire relationship if, in the end, when it REALLY counted, he was never going to choose Lavellan over tearing down the Veil? Why did it take Mythal, who he actually killed in the last game in order to take her power, to convince him? Where's the romance in that?
This literally just turned into the story of Lavellan and the elven god who did not love her enough.
Okay, yes, the gamified reason it takes Mythal to convince him is because Lavellan was tacked onto an existing avenue of dealing with Solas rather than being given her own separate option, right? At the end of the game you have the choice to either fight him, trick him, or (if the Mythal-related criteria is met) invoke the essence of Mythal contained in the statue. No Bring Out The Big Guns, Lavellan option.
In my opinion, she should have been the fourth option, only available to players that have an Inquisitor that romanced Solas and encouraged Lavellan to reunite with him mid-game. It would have required about as much effort to do this as it did to have him turn her down once again (which, I maintain defeats the entire purpose of the story being told here). That would have been the absolute easiest fix to this fucking mess.
I understand why Lavellan wasn't counted among his regrets and therefore wasn't in the Lighthouse murals (because he doesn't actually regret falling in love with her) and I acknowledge that getting real closure from Mythal is important to Solas's story, and that it did have its place in that ending scene. Whether she was a lover or a mother to him isn't really the issue here -- it's the fact that she holds sway over him where Lavellan apparently does not. Despite the fact that, again, he killed Mythal in the previous game, despite the fact that he couldn't bring himself to kill the Inquisitor for the anchor, despite the fact that Lavellan was the one single thing in the world that made him really want to walk away from his plans.
(Why wasn't the "I release you from my service" a conversation had between him and Flemythal back in Inquisition? And why is that essence of Flemythal (who now exists in Morrigan) suddenly so chill and pro-Veil? Do we not remember the reckoning that will shake the very heavens? The She was betrayed as I was betrayed, as the world was betrayed? I will see her avenged? No payoff? None? There's so much wrong and bad writing to unpack there, but this is still a Solavellan post.)
Back to him wanting to turn away from his grand plan. The fundamental difference between Mythal and Lavellan, in my opinion, is the way each of them saw him. Mythal asked him to change for her, to leave the Fade, to commit atrocities with her out of love and service. Lavellan only ever loved him as a man, never once asking him to change for her, never asking him to be anything other than himself. In the time they were together, he was able to be the person he wanted to be. It took a very specific set of circumstances and a very specific person that had to fall into place for that romance to happen, which is arguably what made her so special, and what made their time together even more so. It followed, especially with what we know now, that he would want to drop his grand plan to be with her.
In comes Veilguard, which introduced a parallel between Solas/Mythal and Solavellan. In the second memory, we discover that Mythal never once chose Solas over her duty to elvhenan (even when he begged her to lay it down and run away with him) and dragged him along with her to commit unspeakable atrocities (in her words, she broke him). Solas (at that point in the game, when we were witnessing the memories) had yet to choose Lavellan over his crusade, but quite literally loved her too much to bring her along with him. He would not let her do that to herself, he would not do to her what Mythal did to him.
Here's where I feel like I'm losing my mind, because I thought the point of that mural was to foreshadow him eventually choosing Lavellan, as he is very much not Mythal, and is very much looking for a reason to lay it down, to be proven wrong. I also thought the blurb in the Inquisitor character creation menu (who did you romance) was foreshadowing it, as well as the mid-game choice Rook can make to encourage her to reunite with him and change his heart.
So why didn't it happen? I can only assume because they didn't actually want to have any of our choices carry over, let alone the Solavellan option (which they should have realized from the start was a bad call and also fucking impossible to manage given that the game is a direct sequel to Inquisition). The fact that Lavellan is tacked onto an already existing scene rather than being given her own is evidence of this. However, even if she had to be tacked onto the Mythal scene and not given her own, a simple reordering of the events would have fixed the fucking ending. So it could have gone two (very easily manageable and not too much extra) ways:
Remove the part where he turns her down. Remove the entire thing. Morrimythal could have flown up to him before the Inquisitor even arrived on scene, we could have had our statue moment, and just when he thinks he's going to be all alone behind the Veil, Lavellan shows up, they reunite, and she goes with him. (Easiest way for Bioware to fix it imo)
Lav acts as the ace up our sleeve, a fourth option (and a second option to make him lay it down) instead of using the statue to redeem him. Mythal releases him from her service AFTER he chooses Lavellan, thereby releasing him from his guilt over her. I prefer this one. It should have been this. They could have walked away, they could have tied themselves to the Veil, either way works.
Now, I am among those that think the Veil should have come down, which would have rendered this entire thing moot, had it happened. But since Bioware is dead-set on maintaining the status quo in Thedas, it should have been this instead.
In writing this I wonder if I've been completely delusional over their relationship, but going by the reactions to this ending, it seems that what we got was not at all expected.
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sugarushwriting · 1 day ago
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bad idea, right?
frat boy sunghoon #5
part(s): one two three four
gonna start off breaking y’all’s hearts, but then happy ending yay
₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡
you really thought things were going well between sunghoon and you. three months and you both still argue like an old married couple. kiss like it’s the first time. fuck like it’s your last day together. comfort each other like best friends.
maybe you both started this relationship or situationship too soon.
although you both never thoroughly said “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” to one another, he was yours and you were his. you both weren’t seeing other people.
or at least you thought.
you hadn’t seen sunghoon for about 4 days as you had to force yourself to stay away to study for an exam, and finish a 5 page research paper for separate classes.
sunghoon would’ve just distracted you with his good looks. so you made the difficult choice to stay in your own dorm, in your own bed.
currently it was saturday night, and as usual the frat was having a party to end the football season and begin the basketball season.
you had originally told sunghoon you wouldn’t be able to make it.
however, you had the best roommate who helped you study for the exam (which you passed the day prior) and helped you with your paper (you did all the hard work, she proof read and made sure you had all materials). so, you finished your paper a day earlier than you planned.
with a big smile, you hugged minnie and literally skipped to the frat house to surprise sunghoon. sadly it was cold as fuck, so you wouldn’t be wearing a mini skirt that sunghoon claims to hate seeing you in but he secretly loves.
you wore tight flare jeans, and a off the shoulder knit black top, with black boots. you rather be warm and comfy than cold and uncomfortable in clothes that your man (?) would rip off anyway.
but your heart sank when you searched for sunghoon throughout the party, his own roommates and friends not having seen him for the past 30 minutes.
you tried one last door quietly, and immediately cusped your hand over your mouth, holding in a gasp, shutting the door back.
inside, sunghoon pulled away startled, “what was that?”
“nothing baby.” a female voice purred and brought her lips down to the hockey player once again.
he kissed her a few times back, hands resting on her hips until he pulled away, wiping his lips.
meanwhile you, your vision blurred fighting back tears and a sob. running down the steps, you ignore jay and the others calling after you.
“are we done?” sunghoon said, pushing the girl off his lap, she pouting.
“hoonie, i thought we were having fun?” she tried her best to seduce the boy, but he pushed her hand away from touching him.
“don’t call me that.” he spat. “this stays between us, and you lay off my girl.”
“we’ll see about that, sunghoon. hopefully she’s still your girl after this.” the girl twirled her fake red hair in her fingers, biting her lip.
you ran back to the dorm, cursing at yourself for even liking a guy like sunghoon.
he was a fuck boy for sake. a hockey player. a frat boy.
then you cursed at yourself once again for leaving like a baby. why didn’t you go in there and yell at him? yell at her?
because you were vulnerable with someone for once.
walking into your dorm room, minnie was surprised to see you back so early, and her face fell witnessing the tears fall down your cheek.
“oh baby, what happened?”
you sniffled and let out the biggest sob, running into your roommate’s awaiting hug.
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
sunghoon had a raging headache the next morning. after leaving whoever that girl was behind, he drank himself unconscious.
he didn’t like kissing lips that didn’t belong to you. but he felt he had to. to keep you protected.
however that didn’t last when an unknown number had sent photos of him and the girl in close proximity and the girl on his lap, kissing him.
not only to his number but yours as well. the unknown person literally created a group chat to rub it in sunghoon’s face.
after seeing those pictures, you showed minnie, who immediately deleted the text and blocked both the unknown number and sunghoon.
sunghoon drive himself crazy, nearly pulling out all his hair on his head when you didn’t answer his texts or calls.
“she blocked me.” sunghoon swallowed. “no, no, no.” he threw them covers off of himself, slipping on sweats and a random shirt, for once not caring about his appearance.
he quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face, before running down the steps of the shared house, ignoring his roommates calling for him.
he had one thing on his mind and that was getting to you.
his peach.
“peach, baby, please open up!” he nearly cried himself knocking on your dorm door. “i can explain peach, please!”
you laid in your bed, wearing a hoodie of his, crying while hugging a pillow.
minnie walked up surprised to see the boy at the door.
“can i help you?” she crossed her arms. “this is my dorm.”
“you must be minnie,” sunghoon choked out. “please, please let me in to see her. i need to explain.”
“why don’t you explain to me first?” minnie asked standing her ground.
sunghoon sighed. “i—i can’t.” he shook his head. “just know i was doing it to protect her. protect us.”
“how does making out with another girl protect you both, huh?” minnie shot.
sunghoon hung his head in shame. “i didn’t know someone would send her photos.”
“she knew before the photos sunghoon. she went to the party to surprise you after finishing her work and caught you in the act.”
sunghoon snapped his head up, mouth open, eyes blurry. “wh—what?”
minnie nodded. “she came back crying to me, blaming herself.”
“no, no, no, it’s not her fault! it’s mine. i shouldn’t have taken the blackmail seriously.”
that’s when you ripped the door open, stopping the bullshit. “oh please! blackmail? seriously sunghoon? that’s the best you can do! if you wanted to end whatever this is between us you should’ve just said so!” you spat.
sunghoon and minnie were taken back from your outburst. (minnie was secretly proud though).
“peach—,”
“don’t call me that! you lost your privilege when you put your lips on another bitch!”
you pulled minnie in by her arm and slammed the door in sunghoon’s face, heart pounding.
sunghoon raised his fist to knock but decided against it. he’d go to the ice rink.
on the other side of the door, you let more sobs fall.
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
the next few days, sunghoon felt like a zombie. a recluse zombie. he went to class and to the rink, that’s it. no extra curricular activities, no parties, no gatherings, nothing.
you became a recluse yourself, which actually was your usual self. back to keeping your nose in the books, in your own world, ignoring men around you.
you hate to admit that you missed sunghoon so much. you missed his touch, smile, laugh, the little beauty moles on his face. the softness of his hair.
you missed the sex too, of course.
you sighed, unable to concentrate on the book in front of you as you sat comfortably in a chair in the student center on campus.
it was pretty quiet besides the few students scattered around on this floor.
trying to get back into your book, a shadow peeped over the book and you were startled to see karina.
“hi.” she waved, biting her lip.
“hi karina.” you looked at the girl confusingly. you hadn’t spoken to the girl in months, so what was up now?
“i heard what happened between you and sunghoon.” karina said and took a seat next to you.
you raised an eyebrow. well, rumors spread fast. “that was fast.”
“well i saw you running out the house party. it seemed you were about to cry. before i could run after you i saw sunghoon with another girl.” karina pouted and reach to hold your hand. “i’m sorry.”
one thing about karina was she was good at acting. you didn’t know if she truly felt sorry or was faking. you had to tread carefully.
“it’s fine, i’m way out of his league anyway.” you sighed, pulling your hand away.
“nah babe, he’s out of your league.”
yeah something was definitely up. the karina who you used to hang out with would have definitely agreed with the first statement and never made the second one.
later that evening, karina found sunghoon after his game and cornered him after he came out the locker room.
with a wicked smile, she looked at the boy who seemed to haven’t slept in days.
“aw, poor sunghoon. missing his peach.” karina mocked, stalking towards him.
“what the fuck do you want karina?” sunghoon spat. karina just stared at sunghoon with a smile. sunghoon wasn’t dumb. it instantly clicked. “you set me up didn’t you?” he narrowed his eyes.
karina slowly clapped. “took you long enough. who else would know your peach’s deepest darkest secret?”
sunghoon still didn’t know himself, but if it was bad enough to be blackmailed about, he would do anything to protect you.
“why me?”
“i couldn’t go after her, in no way would she dare kiss another guy in exchange for blackmail. plus, you’d be too hard to sway away from her. on the other hand, all it took was one kiss with another girl and poof. bye bye peach.” karina chuckled.
if sunghoon wasn’t a gentleman, he would’ve punched karina by now.
sunghoon scoffed. “all it takes is for me to talk to her and she would understand i was set up.”
“tsk, i wouldn’t do that hoonie.”
“don’t call me that.” he spat.
karina laughed. “unless you want me to tell a certain someone your dirty little secret, i would stay away from her.”
sunghoon looked at her confused, scratching his eyebrow. “wh—what dirty little secret?”
karina smiled. “oh, nothing. i just happened to talk to two girls. one named minji the other named, what was it?” karina tapped her chin, in a deep fake thought. she snapped her fingers, “oh, jiheon!”
sunghoon’s own heart dropped hearing two names he hadn’t heard in forever.
“you really were a terrible human being in high school and during your first year in university, sunghoon.”
“i’m not that same person anymore!” sunghoon exclaimed. “and the second one, i didn’t know she was—,”
karina cut off the boy, “do you really think she’d care about that?” karina stalked closer to him. “don’t think i don’t know you also only slept with my best friend in the first place was to get back at me.”
sunghoon’s nostrils flared, “ex-bestfriend.”
“ha, is that the only part you’ll respond to? why? because you know the other part is true.”
“was.”
“doesn’t matter.” karina crossed her arms. “i’ll be seeing you around hoonie.” she smiled and walked off giving him the peace sign with her back turned.
sunghoon leaned against the nearest wall, leaning his head back. did he just lose you forever?
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
another month passed, and the first time sunghoon had seen you was just now. looking in your eyes as he found you in the crowd at his hockey game.
he was currently in the penalty box for fighting.
“sunghoon has been getting in trouble too much lately. if he keeps it up, he won’t be able to play in the finals!” sunoo gasped.
“that’s if the team makes it then. they play worse when their co-captain is in trouble.” jay added.
you shook your head, sitting next to the group of boys closest to sunghoon.
you hadn’t wanted to come for obvious reasons, but sunoo and minnie both encouraged you. one, sunoo didn’t want to come without you.
minnie had told you, “if you still find yourself having feelings after seeing him, you need to talk to him. hear him out, and find closure.”
minnie was right. even if you had no plans going back to sunghoon (which honestly broke you), you needed to find closure.
“how long has he been getting in trouble?” you asked sunoo softly.
he looked at you with a soft expression and a sigh. “about a month.”
“he won’t tell us what’s going on in that mind of his.” jay said, resting his chin in his hand. “the boy usually is able to control his anger either by being on the ice or you know,”
“fucking other girls.” jake leaned from beside jay finishing his sentence.
jay shook his head. “i don’t think the boy has been laid in about a month. actually more than that. you were the last girl he was with.” jay turned to you.
the boys knew you and sunghoon were no longer together. they just didn’t know what happened.
you looked at the boys who all were staring at you. sunghoon still looking at you from the penalty box.
“are you gonna ever tell us what happened?” sunoo asked grabbing your hand.
you sighed in defeat. “maybe one day. i need to talk to hoonie first.”
eventually sunghoon was welcomed back in the game, and his team won it, sending them to semi-finals next weekend in the city next over.
the arena slowly emptied out, leaving you sitting on the bleachers. before sunghoon walked to the showers with his team, you told him you would be waiting for him on the bleachers to talk.
about 30 minutes later, sunghoon walked out, dressed nicely with his hair still damp.
you looked up with a smile and patted the spot next to you.
you both sat quietly next to each other, scared to talk first.
in the end, it was sunghoon who talked first. and explained everything. don’t the time he was cornered at the party, up to karina’s threat a month ago.
“i should’ve tried to explain—,”
“you did hoonie, i just ignored you.” you sighed. “i’m sorry.” you apologized with a smile.
“nothing to apologize for peach.” he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. his heart fluttered when you didn’t push him off and tell him not to call you peach.
even more, you called him hoonie.
“i should’ve known karina was behind it. i should’ve had more faith and trust in you.”
“it’s okay. i’m a frat boy with a bad rep.” he kissed your hair line.
what you both knew what needed to be discussed was your secrets that were threatened to be revealed.
you inhaled deeply, needing to get this off your chest to sunghoon. “i’ve only told karina—regrettably, and minnie.”
sunghoon tightened his grip of your hand in his, intertwining your fingers. “it’s okay, i promise you can trust me.”
you explained how you indirectly killed an old friend of yours in high school. “she was so drunk, i should’ve fought harder to take the keys away from her!” you cried into his chest.
“peach it’s not your fault.” sunghoon soothed you by rubbing your back.
“it is! if i would’ve just taken her keys, then she wouldn’t have been able to drive! i just—i tried to fight back, but i was more inebriated than her. turns out someone spiked many drinks girls had when they weren’t looking.” you clutched his shirt in your grip.
sunghoon let you cry for a good 5 minutes until you calmed back down. “i’m a bad person, hoonie.”
sunghoon shook his head. “not worse than me, peach.” he sighed. sunghoon was nervous to tell you.
he swallowed, and you waited patiently to hear what his secrets were.
“the first girl, minji, um,” he scratched the back of his head with his free hand. “minji was a sophomore, i was a senior in high school.” sunghoon sighed closing his eyes. “i was a stupid, stupid teenager, peach. i knew she had a crush on me, and so did my friend group. there was an ongoing bet on how many girls we could mess around with, which bases. bonus if she was a virgin.”
you gasped, “sunghoon,”
“i led her on, knowing she had a crush on me, telling her that i didn’t want anything serious. she let me take her virginity and then i just ignored her.” sunghoon said. “at first i didn’t care, i had told her i didn’t want anything serious. she followed me around and i got so mad, i don’t remember what i said, but it was bad enough minji ran away in tears. few days later she attempted to take her own life.”
you held in a breath. “is, is she—?”
“she’s alive. after that, i sought her out and apologized. apologized to her almost everyday for the rest of my high school years. don’t think she ever really forgave me, just told me okay and to move on.”
you held tighter. definitely disgusted by what he did to the girl, no way excusing his behavior. “what about the other girl?”
sunghoon’s vision threatened to become blurry with tears, but he stated to himself he had no right. if anything, he was angry with himself.
“it was my freshman year in college. one of my first few frat parties i’ve been to. i walked in on two people, quickly apologizing and walked out. turns out she was being assaulted. she was barely conscious, her mouth covered by the guy.” sunghoon spat the last part disgusted.
“sunghoon—,”
“don’t say it’s not my fault because it is.” he said. “i could’ve stopped it! i could’ve beat that guys ass for disrespecting a girl. for hurting a girl. if i just had paid closer attention, i could’ve stopped it.”
“sunghoon, it’s not your fault.” you said.
“it is!”
“did you give her to this guy, knowing she was barely conscious?”
sunghoon stared at you like how could you even imagine something like that? “of course not.”
“then no, it’s not your fault, sunghoon.”
“the girl says the same thing.” he sighed.
“you’ve talked to her after the assault?” you asked and he nodded.
“yeah, i testified as a witness. although i quickly walked out, i was quick to recognize the guy. i had seen him earlier in the night wearing the same jersey and jersey number.” sunghoon explained. “i took her out for coffee to thoroughly apologized, and she told me it wasn’t my fault only the guy who assaulted her fault.” sunghoon closed his eyes. “even though i understand she says it’s not my fault, i am still disappointed in myself.”
“where is she now?”
“she moved away. dropped out of college. haven’t spoken to her since.”
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
you both arrived to sunghoon’s place after an intense conversation. you both had demons in your past that you all had to work on. but also agreed you both should’ve just tried harder to communicate.
it felt good to be laying in sunghoon’s arms, wrapped in his scent.
“just so you know, i’m making love to you tonight peach. nice and slow.”
you pouted. “aw not hard and fast? thought i found someone who matched my freak.”
“your freak? what about mine?” sunghoon laughed.
you playfully pushed his shoulder. “i match your freak!”
sunghoon quickly hovered over your body. “matching my freak would be letting me fuck you until you can’t walk in the middle of the ice rink.”
sunghoon leaned down to kiss the soft spot on your neck, immediately causing you to moan.
kisses trailed down to your exposed thighs as you only wore one of sunghoon’s shirts. nothing else.
“i will rent out the entire rink if that means i get to fuck you all over it, peach.”
sunghoon wasted no time to find his favorite place between your legs, your thighs immediately wrapping around his shoulders due to sensitivity.
you’ve missed his tongue.
it seems like sunghoon miss you, or shall you say cunt, because he inhaled your scent from below.
his tongue lapped up all you had to offer, his hands keeping your thighs now pushed apart. back arching off the bed, your fists gripping the sheets, you weren’t going to last much longer.
sunghoon knew your body like a map, and he knew you were close.
he removed his lips hesitantly, kissing back up your stomach, dragging the shirt with him to pull it over your head.
he kissed your lips once, nibbling at your bottom lip. “we’ll come together, peach.”
his nose touched yours, both of you looking into each other eyes, as you felt sunghoon trace his fingers over your skin, leaving goosebumps in its path.
as smooth as always, sunghoon pulled his pants and boxers off with ease, his shirt already being discarded. he eased in slowly to you, your body needing to readjust to the stretch.
“a month too long, peach.” sunghoon groaned once his full length was inside you.
“never again.” you groaned. “fuck sunghoon, please move. i don’t care if it’s fast or slow.”
your nails scratched his back, for sure leaving marks. his right arm wrapped around your stomach, leaving his arm as a barrier between the bed and your back.
sunghoon kept his promise as he fucked you slow. he had to be sure to get his point across. you were his. he was the only one that could make you feel this good.
his left arm kept sunghoon’s body from fully resting on yours, your eyes screwed shut, with your legs resting on each of his side.
this was the first time you and sunghoon ever took it this slow. not even lazy morning sex was this slow.
“hoonie, i—i’m close.” you moaned out, back arching more.
sunghoon bent down best of his ability to attach his lips to your neck. “come with me peach.”
soon you both came together, sunghoon not even worried about pulling out.
─── ᯓᡣ𐭩 ─── ─── ᯓᡣ𐭩 ─── ─── ᯓᡣ𐭩
authors note
≽^•⩊•^≼
the dirty little secrets could’ve been better but oh well
i love frat boy hoonie 🩶
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s1eept0ken · 1 day ago
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Tease ☣︎ II x Fem!Reader
warnings-smut,smut,smut! Used to it by now :3
a/n-okay so I realised how LITTLE I have written of II someone needs to give out mans a lil more attention here!
MDNI!
꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎
There were only a few more days until ii went back on tour, he was stressing out and you wanted to help in a different way that most would consider “stress relief”. You tried everything to get him to fuck you or for him to let you do something! But no nothing but you remembered, he hates when you’re bratty. You’re his good girl you shouldn’t be acting all dumb like that! The rest of the band were coming over today so you saw it as the perfect opportunity to get under his skin.
You stood next to iii looking up at him innocently, slapping his arm ever so slightly whenever he’d make a joke out of something, you could tell that ii was close to losing it but he kept his cool. Well that was until he watched as Vessel came up behind you placed his hands on your hips softly for a few seconds, I mean you didn’t even plan that! But you knew ii had enough. He walked over to you and took your hand pulling you away leading you upstairs “just remembered there’s something wrong with my drums I gotta fix be right back” he said looking back at the others with slight annoyance in his tone.
Your heart was racing with the thoughts of what was gonna happen now, your adrenaline pumping this is what you wanted after a week of practically begging! you knew you’d be in for it though. Once the two of you made it to the bedroom he lets go of you and indicates for you to go lay down for him, which you do. He locks the door and pulls his top off climbing on top of you, sucking your neck softly. “Such a little whore aren’t you? Wouldn’t fuck you for so long so you had to go and be a little slut around my friends huh” he mumbled into your soft skin, undoing your top.
He unclasps your bra and began teasing your soft breasts, kissing and sucking softly on one and gently groping the other. It’s not enough though, you wanted more so you thrust your hips up but he’s quick to get a tight grip on them and push them down. “So impatient today aren’t we?” He chuckles as he leans down, kissing your belly down to your pants. He looks up at you for consent and you give him it, he quickly pulls down your pants and panties. He leans in and kisses your clit softly causing you to whimper out. He slides his fingers up and down and around in circles around your entrance, teasing you. He kisses your inner thighs and lowers his face into your warm, sweet pussy. He grips your thighs tightly as his tongue works up and down on you, he pulls his face away and slides two fingers inside of you. Pumping them in and out as you’re a moaning mess. “G-gonna cum baby…” you whimpered out gripping the bed sheets but just as you’re about to, pulls his fingers out. You whimpered out due to the loss of pleasure and to the fact that he just interrupted your orgasm!
You sat up and gave him a pleading look as he takes his two fingers into his mouth, licking them clean. “Naughty girls don’t get to cum just yet” he whispers out as he began removing himself from his boxers. He leans down puts one of his hands roughly on your sides and lines his cock with your entrance, slowly moving in circles teasing you. Without a warning he thrusts his thick cock deep inside you. You moan out loudly and he chuckles “now now be quiet hon’ don’t need the others hearing you be a little whore for me” he groans into your ear, your pussy clenched around him and he raised a brow. “Oh you’d like that huh? Maybe next time could get Ves in here, grab your hips while he fucks you recklessly like what you probably imagined when he was holding them today huh?”
He places his large hand around your throat and thrusts deeper and faster inside of you. The sound of skin slapping and dirty sounds filling the room…hell maybe even the house! He feels you getting tighter and he knows you’re close. He puts both of your legs up on his shoulders, thrusting deeper into you than before. He spanks your thigh roughly from the side causing you to moan out loudly. “C’mon baby be a good little whore and cum around my cock for me” he groans into your ear thrusting deeper and faster now. Your orgasm washes over you, sending you over the edge as you come undone on him completely. Not long after he cums deep inside you, filling you up.
He’s quick to pull out and grab a towel quickly wiping you down. “Did such a good job for me baby, we need to head back down before they get suspicious” be says in a cocky tone. You both pull your clothes back on and head down stairs. “Got it all fixed!” he shouts out from the top of the stairs.
꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎
Hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry it seems somewhat rushed at the end :(
Love you🖤
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starlightsuffered · 8 hours ago
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Needy Boy Tries No Nut November (part 1)
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Info - needy boy, no sex challenge, argument, teasing, attempted cock warming
“You,” I scoffed.
“Yes me,” he said stoically.
“The boy who came in me fives times on October thirty first is going to attempt No Nut November,” I said, crossing my arms.
“Me and my friends made a deal, I plan to stick with it,” he nodded.
“Do your friends know you?”
“I would hope my friends don’t know how often I enjoy cumming inside you,” he snapped. I could tell he was already regretting his decision.
“You didn’t happen to think to ask me if I was okay with going a month without sex?” I asked.
“You can still get off,” he shrugged.
“You won’t last,” I chuckled. “No way no how.”
“Yes I will!”
“No you won’t Timothée, you’ll be doing the walk of shame to your boys within the week, if not sooner,” I smirked.
“You’re so mean,” he pouted.
“Yeah, am I mean pretty boy?” I asked, running a hand down my body and lifting my skirt slightly to show off my lacy panties. He whimpered. I swung my leg over him and straddled his lap. I began to kiss him heatedly. He responded eagerly.
He was moaning into my mouth and I let him remove my shirt. He massaged my breasts overtop of my bra. I felt him grow hard underneath me and smirked, I knew it was time to pull back.
“Why, why, why d’you stop,” his words were slurred with lust.
“No Nut November Timothée,” I reminded him.
“Fuuuuuuuck!” He snapped.
Throughout the day I did little things I knew drove him crazy. I would put my boobs or ass in his face while getting something. I giggled a lot. I bit my lip. I was touchy with him. I even had a two fake phone conversations, one to talk about how I had to masturbate now because of Timothée’s decision, because he hated me masturbating. The second was about how much I loved his cock and cum and how big he was. Neither was too terribly odd me for, I was an open person so both phone calls were plausible.
Finally, night came and we slipped into bed. I snuggled back against Timothée and as I expected, he was incredibly hard. I reached back, pretending to need a blanket but I grabbed his full balls instead.
“Ohhh,” he moaned.
“Sorry, I mean to get the blanket,” I said and got it to add a layer of warmth. I nestled down, pretending I was trying to get comfortable, but really it was just so I could rub my ass on him. I heard a whine and smirked.
“Sorry baby and I bothering you?” I asked.
“C-could you face me?” He asked. I did as he asked and fluttered my eyelashes.
“Fuck, this is even worse,” he muttered to himself.
“Something the matter?” I asked innocently.
“Can I put my cock in you?” He asked.
“No Nut-“
“I won’t be cumming, just some comfort, quiting cold Turkey is hard,” he pouted.
“Sure Timmy, just don’t cum,” I reminded him. I hadn’t worn underwear out of habit. He nestled his cock inside me.
“Mmmmm, feels good, tight,” he said. I closed my eyes, and sighed happily. But then, thrust.
“Timothée,” I wanted.
“Just one thrust won’t hurt,” he said, but I caught him tugging on his heavy balls, trying to get some relief.
“Okay,” I said. Then he did it again.
“Timmy,” I giggled.
“Just, just, three more,” he begged, and thrusted three more times, his cock absolutely quivering inside me with need.
“Ohhhh, ho, ho, my baaaaaalls,” he wailed.
“Don’t worry baby, only twenty nine more days,” I said with mock comfort.
“Twenty nine,” he squeaked and then he was over me and fucking me harder than he ever had.
“Baby, your promise,” I reminded.
“M’not gonna cum, just need to feel good,” he whined. He was so fast and needy.
“So good, fucking love this cunt!” He gasped as he fucked into me wildly.
“Oh Timmy, you’re so hard, your big heavy balls are slapping me baby,” I heaved.
“Yeah they are, you love it when I fuck you don’t you?” He asked.
“I do, I love it!” I cried. “And I love your cum, wish you could fill me up.”
“Oh I wanna, need to empty my balls. Damn baby, did you do something different, you feel like heaven,” he whimpered.
“No Timmy just me,” I said, blushing at his compliment.
“Fucking love just you,” he said.
“Baby, you’re going crazy,” I said, watching his hips drilling into me wildly.
“Je pense que je pourrais mourir si je ne peux pas remplir cette chatte de sperme ! Putain de merde, putain j'en ai besoin, j'ai besoin de verser mon sperme en toi !"
I recognized some words that he normally said.
“You said you weren’t gonna cum baby,” I reminded him.
“Not gonna, just saying what I wish,” he choked out.
“I’m gonna stop,” he said and slowed down, but as he did he started going deeper, moving to an angle that felt particularly good.
“Timothée!” I cried sharply as his slow thrust hit me in a sweet spot. I came, arching and seeing stars as I whimpered his name.
“I’m not gonna, not gonna, oh fuck I’m going to! No, I’m-“ he cut himself off by unleashing a fountain of cum inside me.
“I didn’t mean it,” he whined as he filled me. Ten ropes of cum shot inside me as he panted. I moaned as I enjoyed the full feeling.
“You failed within twenty four hours,” I gloated.
“Oh shut up, I have my reasons,” he snapped.
“And they are?” I asked.
“One, I didn’t want to do it anyone, two, my friends don’t have access to your pussy, because they’d fail too, and three this is dumb,” he ended on a whine.
“Well to be fair I thought it was dumb too,” I said, gathering him in my arms.
“Good,” he said kissing my forehead. “Let’s go again, gotta make up for the day.”
@pmak2002 @softhecreator @plutoispurplw @sp1deyyf4ngz @seungcheol17daddy @jesschalamet t @vvsdreaming @lovelyrocker
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rinofwater · 3 months ago
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Hah, so uh how to explain to my parents that I have reconsidered wanting to move back to the wannabe fascist state after all
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kittykatkatelol · 2 months ago
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are you fucking kidding me
i had 6 strawberry shortcake pastries (little debbie) I've only eaten one why is there only three left
am I seriously pissed off and crying bc my dad ate 2 of my favorite sweets ? apparently :[
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choking-on-roses · 23 days ago
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I am so used to being an afterthought in everyone's lives that if someone came along who put genuine effort into spending time with me, like truly just wanted to hang out with me and made time to do it, I would probably 1) break down sobbing and 2) immediately fall in love with them
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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months ago
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i did a thing
#crocheting#it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap#i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am#my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware#the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress#i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic#so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes#please cherish it#i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me#they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me#that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly#actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step#but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has#i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic#like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two#how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling#no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have#but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it#if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces#and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person#originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer#and now its turned to mush#no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself#nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless#maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events#(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)
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therosevest · 10 months ago
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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thegempage · 3 months ago
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
#little rock.txt#venting#self harm in tags btw#anyway. wow i hate intrusive thoughts.#like great guys. it's so cool that the way we're deciding to spend our time is constantly thinking about ways to hurt myself#oh wow stabbing myself with a knife someone left on the counter? so original. never been seen before#oh starving myself?? even when my lovely friend made us a whole dinner?? that's lovely. wow. not even a little bit rude#standing in traffic until someone comes and hits me? at least that wouldn't damage my fucking car like your other ideas!#taking something sharp to my sunburns for a two-birds-one-stone thing?? i guess you're making the best of the circumstances#like jesus fucking christ Grow Up. am i fifteen goddamn years old again#like if we're being So real the consequences of actually self-harming Far outweigh the benefits so i'm not at any real risk#(i do Not want to deal with the fallout of 1. cleaning those wounds 2. confronting my housemates with active self-harm#they actively do not deserve that happening to them)#(hi guys btw sorry. i'm fine)#but that just means i'm sitting here like. so are you gonna be productive or....?#like i had plans of what i wanted to do with my brain power tonight. was gonna write. maybe clip a stream. and we're...?#oh just sitting on my laptop playing music too loud bcus if i could hear my own thoughts it'd be a nightmare? neat.#jesus christ can i be a normal goddamn person for like fifteen minutes and get out of this anxiety spiral. it's been over 24 hours.#whatever. like at this point it's fucking whatever. if i can't drag myself into being productive i'm just gonna go to bed.#“opal is being mean to yourself really going to help” i don't know. i doubt it. unfortunately i am in the mood to be a bitch#and the only person who deserves to deal with bitchy opal is me. so.#anyway if you read all of this uuuhhh sorry. i am like this. but hey. thank you for caring
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salsflore · 8 months ago
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#fretting over my future once more. i’m afraid i might actually kms if i go back to a regular school but i’m worried i’ll completely#fuck up my chances of getting into a university if i don't#turning to that cursed website Quora . i can’t do this i’m just TERRIFIED i’ll fuck up and only realize it a year down the line#i don’t want to think about what hasn’t even happened yet but i can’t just blissfully ignore the possible consequences either#i hate that this happened to me. i already had a Plan. a straightforward idea of what i was going to do and then i get ARRESTED omggg#why is it me that has to have my life disrupted like this‚ right? i hope hope hope things will turn out okay in the end but i am just sad#about everything that’s ever happened to me#i want to do the private candidate thing so badly but it means not finishing the last 2 yrs of highschool#i’d still technically be learning tbe same things but its more about the certificate or whatever that comes with it#and the friends‚ too ....#of course you only do this to me when i am almost at the finish line and ive found people i click with! thank you 👍🏻 salamat sa lahat 🤗#i need to do more research on the topic before freaking out . but i'm just. eugh so so sososososo sad#💭#negative#cw vent#edit: it is becoming more and more likely that finishing my edu in a regular school would be the best option but AHHH#i really. i really cant emphasize how much i dont want that for myself. i hate it#i miss my home so terribly. but whatever i guess!#also i relapsed so thats kind of a bummer ...#cw self harm
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kodokugumon · 10 months ago
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the fact that so many child abuse laws are like "its not child abuse unless it leaves a lasting mark" is so fucking crazy to me. You can hit a kid as long as your fists weren't closed and you hit them light enough
#It's actually so hard for someone to be convicted of child abuse. especially if what happened is under the guise of ''discipline''#yeah the kid was fighting me so its not MY fault that he hit his head and arm on a counter and was also on edge of having a panic attack.#this is the proper reaction to a kid being guilty of talking back and being bossy - my uncle#also my uncle: I've never been found guilty under the law for child abuse. you are wrong. also you are the one needing to grow up bc somehow#I'm circling this conversation about you assaulting me over thinking something bad was happening to your brother back around to the fact you#are still living with me#its so funny to me bc even if I did try to leave my mom would try to stop me lmao. ''you're mom is enabling your lifestyle for some reason''#my dude. my mom is ENFORCING this lifestyle. not to mention when you were shaming me for how old I was and still living here...you got my#age wrong??? do your research before talking to me.#literally told me I had no goals or plans for the future. lmao even. he only ever talks to me to tell me that he wants me out#quickly! name 8 interests I have that I did not have while in elementary school!!!#like I'm so mad. at least I can revel in the fact that my uncle was such a pussy you didn't commit to calling the police on me when he said#he would lmao. I can also revel in the fact that he fucking hates it here and tries to avoid being home. and that hes failing at parenting#his own children. I'm sorry brenna. I mean no slander. but you sneaking around and being found out about it and that all the adults knew#about it before he did thus making him look bad is so satisfying. its like watching him judging his gf and my mom for being bad parents#while his kids do much worse things (in his eyes) so fucking poetic#I'm sorry for going batshit crazy in the tags. I am. venting#tw child abuse
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol
#purrs#delete later#not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really#comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel#where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it#all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly#and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking#getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest#colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w#we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight#we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the#participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a#and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of#them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we#did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i#have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also#HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a#failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as#emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i#failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year#and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs#like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE#PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and#we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting#everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid#bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i#get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i#am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that#just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol
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snailfen · 2 years ago
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i woke up from a nap 30 minutes ago with the best animatic idea (two birds by regina spektor my beloved) ive had in 17 years with kris and lyra and ive been stuck in a very intense catastrophic autism event about it the entire 30 minutes,
(catagory 20 autism event in the tags below)
#god. LIKE OK WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THE IDEAS I HAVE PLANNED FOR THESE TWO IN THE FIRST PLACE#like. in my head kris originally lived in new bark town and was friends with ethan#but had to move away because her mom got a job at the goldenrod radio tower#and lyra moves in soon after! ethans upset and pretends to dislike lyra but his mom makes him play with lyra and they hit it off instantly#kris is really shy and she has low energy so she doesnt really make any new friends in the city. she really only has her mom#and her phone calls with ethan#meanwhile lyra is really energetic and social and makes a lot of friends really quick!#so when ethan starts journeying and reunites with kris in goldenrod and kris finally meets lyra she cant help but just. hate her.#its not just that she moved into kris's house and took her place as ethan's friend. lyra has a lot of the things kris wishes she had#then team rocket takes over goldenrod city and kris's mom is trapped in the tower like all the other employees.#lyra is the one who gets into the tower first and she helps a lot of innocent people get out including kris's mom#and kris is grateful her mom is safe (shes really close to her mom since shes one of the only people she has) but also. really confused?#shes been nothing but a jerk to lyra since theyve met.#but when she started panicking about her mom being in danger lyra promised to find her anyways. and she saved her too!#after lyra's dad finds out about the team rocket takeover though he lyra to come home.#he always worried for lyras safety and wants her to stay out of trouble (theres a really good reason for this btw)#and lyra disobeyed him when he called her and told her to stay away from the city#and kris doesnt feel like she should just. stand by and let that happen! lyra helped save her mom.#and her journey is really important to herself and so kris goes right up to lyras dad and gives him quite the earful#she somehow manages to convince him to let lyra finish her journey! and lyra is so fucking grateful#and the two start becoming friends from that point on. lyra becomes really important to kris#im thinking of maybe lyra giving kris two thin white ribbons to tie ribbons on her pigtails?#first of all as a symbol of their friendship and also to draw similarities between the two of them#second of all. (gestures to suicune)#anyways what did i say. catagory 20 autism event. im gonna have to edit a tag at the top#mossball.txt#gsc#trainer kris#trainer lyra#pokemon
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stupidnaturals · 2 years ago
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#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me#bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer#and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on !#unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. '#and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out#and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like#' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that#but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to???#and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand??#also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me '#or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever#and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance#which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away#like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!!#oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2#or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too '#and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs?#or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours#anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie?#so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again!#i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me#and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening????#anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me
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binnie · 2 years ago
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i!!! hate!!!!!!! being borderline!!!!!!!!!!
#negativity incoming heads up#dude every little thing that happens gets me on edge and sends me down a spiral I absolutely fucking hate ths#the context is that my favourite person cancelled plans for us to hang out to go have dinner#(I didn't ask with whom because I know that either way I wasn't going to like the answer)#you see she's had a boyfriend for over a year and a half I think#and we get along! we've been buds since high school and he's a cool dude (except when he's not because men)#I know this is not true. I know it's my mind playing evil tricks on me. I know this is the voice talking.#but I constantly feel like she's slowly but surely replacing me#not that i'm the only friend she's allowed to have or anything I just..#can't help but to think that there'll come a day where she's going to have to pick between him or me and she'll always pick him#she's always talking about how much she loves and how they're already making plans to live together and get married and shit#and i'm happy for her I genuinely am#but I feel.... i don't even know for sure#I feel like everyone's moving forward while I sit in the same place. I feel like I'm being left behind#truth is I feel very alone#I keep pushing my friends away because I'm a shit person and now would you look at that: i'm completely alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm isolated from everyone else and it's all my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I have no one to blame for my misery but myself#I feel like I'm being consumed from the inside out#there's this awful evil tension inside me that I can't shoulder#i'm used to The Empty#I'm used to being hollow#but this emptiness.. it hurts#ive grown used to it#that's the worst part#if you're reading and you've made it this far I want to say thank you and also that I'm doing fine I'm just rambling#and wallowing in my grievances#ANYWAY#I have a lot of work to do because I neglected my academic responsabilities for months and now I must suffer the consequences lmao#this semester has been hell. ive humiliated myself a hundred times over in many different ways. i've disappointed a lot of people
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