#I had a plan and it was fucked over and I hate when that happens (it was supposed to last me a week and now it's 4 days)

[straystarr]

about you; lfl

In which you see your ex, and you're reminded of what he once meant to you. 

why I love you, why I hate you, and why I miss you

You weren’t supposed to see him. 

You were supposed to arrive just before five and leave just after seven. You were supposed to have a glass of wine, two if your confidence faltered even the slightest. You were to talk to people you hadn’t seen in years, to tell them of your current hobbies, and ask them about theirs. You’d gasp in awe with every old face coming to greet you and hug those that meant a little more to you. 

You were to congratulate your friend on her engagement, wishing her happiness and longevity and grace. And then when the time came, you would have slipped through the deliberately exaggerated conversations and attempts to fill your body with alcohol, not before giving your friend a kiss on the cheek and an embrace of appreciation. 

You were to arrive home, a long breath flying past your lips as your hands peeled the breathtaking dress, both figuratively and literally, off your body. You would have drowned in the comfort of your bed, tears already cascading into your pillow, and whether they were tears of joy or sorrow, you’d have to figure it out later on. Because for now, all you could think about is how you didn’t see him. 

That is what should have happened. 

You were to do everything according to plan. 

And yet, here you stood, arms length from him. Your third glass of wine in one hand, hugging your waist with the other, rather tight. Neither a smile or a frown painted your lips while your eyes reeked of discontent and awkwardness. Discontent with the situation, awkwardness for him. Or at least, that’s what you’d like to believe. 

Because the reality of it all is, he stood before you, eyes glossed over with a certain reminiscence you wished to claw out, lips curved into a gentle smile you ached to see, and not in such a way that made your chest warm – no, you despised that smile — his smile. 

Him, in all his glory, here. 

Your friend said he’d be arriving later in the night, around eight, she stated confidently. And still, with the clock barely showing six, a roar of excitement filled the room as he made his way through the front door.  And then all eyes on him moving off to you, some slow to turn their heads, others irritatingly obviously in their attempts. 

You tried your best to feign ignorance, continuing the conversation you previously paid no attention to. You tried your best to disregard the way your heart quickened and how soon after your breath followed. You tried your best to take no notice of him and his continuous glances towards you throughout the night. 

You tried your fucking best. And it still wasn’t good enough. 

And because you tried your best, and because it wasn’t good enough, you’d somehow find yourself alone on the patio, the cold air infiltrating your lungs, the warmth in your shaking hands never leaving. 

You had hoped a breath of fresh air would rid you of everything you were feeling — before him, during him, and after him. 

So you took one breath after the other, hoping and hoping. 

And he would have seen you make your way from the crowds, his eyes never quite drifting far from you, whether he intended them to or not was something he would often think about later on. He followed you, blind and willing. 

And that’s how he came to stand in front of you, first saying nothing and then not knowing what to say after all. So instead, he shrugged off the leather jacket you once said you loved and placed it over the shoulders he had once kissed. And it was as if you never hated his smile, or his kind eyes. And it was as if you were almost hopeful everything would not go according to plan and you would see him. 

“Thank you.” 

You whispered, slowly pulling your arms through the sleeves because the mere thought of taking off the jacket and handing it back to him only encouraged the uneasiness growing in your body. It was a cold night after all. He nodded, his smile growing and falling back to its original state ever so quickly.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

He did. He made sure of it. Of course, he’d never tell you this. And you’d never ask. 

“Well, here I am.” 

You smiled, genuine. 

“Here you are.” 

He smiled, comforted. 

He shuffled on his feet before sitting on the wooden bench beside you, his eyes ever so slightly falling to the space beside him and then lifting up back to you. Your smile faltered, having understood his dilemma and now having to face your own.

You weren’t supposed to see him. 

But thus far, you have noticed how his brown hair is now blonde, how the necklace around his neck looked almost too similar to the one you’d gifted him a few years ago, how he seems lighter — perhaps happier, perhaps intoxicated, you weren’t quite sure what it was exactly. 

You weren’t supposed to see him. 

But you did. 

If you were to excuse yourself, taking one last look at his hopeful smile and welcoming eyes, resisting the urge to hold his face in your hands and feel the warmth on his cheeks, you’d leave him and he’d watch from the bench he sat on. You’d find your friend, on the verge of melting down with a facade of confidence on display. She’d hold you, you’d congratulate her, she’d notice your demise and apologize before placing a kiss on your cheek. 

You’d go home, and you’d cry. And then after too much thinking, maybe you’d regret not sitting down on that bench. 

So you breathed a deep breath, settling down beside him with just enough space to contain your scattered thoughts away from his lingering eyes. Because he had perfect pitch when it came to you; he’d recognize any note you’d give him. 

That was before. And you’d only come to acknowledge your predicament when his thigh slightly brushed against yours and his touch felt colder than the faint wind blowing against your skin. 

It was never this cold, and you were suddenly saddened by the distinction.

Saddened by longing, saddened by regret, saddened by unfamiliarity – you couldn’t quite tell what it was that brought you to quiver into your skin, to press your nails into the palms of your hands to elicit pain, because at least you’d understand the origin of such discomfort in the midst of your disorientated state; vulnerable, disappointed, relieved. 

You had broken every rule you had set for yourself thus far — you saw him, you smile at him, you speak to him, you breathe him – his scent lingering on your body with the weight of his jacket, and you no longer tried to hold your breath.  

These things once embedded in your nature and now dependent on your instinct. 

One can only grow cold in forced familiarity. 

And still, he smiles at you – slight and soft. He faces forward and lets out a sigh that dissipates into the air in a white hue and all of a sudden you’re thinking maybe the only thing making you cold is the cool breeze grazing your cheek. 

How easily he persuades you to find optimism in the most pessimistic of states. How easily you fall into the pursuit, willing and all. 

And just when you are reminded of the distaste in the back of your throat, you catch sight of the singular pearl centred near his collarbones, the shine of its opacity almost teasing you under the white light of the moon.

You once thought it was pretty like him, he thanked you with a kiss and a promise to never take it off. 

How silly of him to fulfill such a promise. 

How silly of you to catch his eyes and fail to look away.

Your third glass of wine remained tucked between your fingers and your words remained tucked behind your lips. Both, untouched and craving for attention. 

“I never got to congratulate you on finishing your Masters.” 

You blinked, lips parting every so slightly before a chuckle brushed away the significance of his words. “Not something that needs congratulating.” You managed to say, his face contorting in disbelief. 

“Now that is the understatement of the year.” He protested, arms crossing against his chest while he shook his head in amusement. It was. You knew it. As did he. If anyone could testify to the series of struggles you had experienced throughout your masters, it was Felix. 

A shoulder to cry on. Open arms to celebrate. Kisses of encouragement. Words of comfort. He did it all. He went above and he went beyond. So yes, it was something to congratulate. Who were you to downplay his efforts. Who were you to downplay your own. 

“Thank you.” You said, barely audible. Still, he heard you for he smiled, satisfied. 

“Australias been good to you?” You continued, teeth tugging at your bottom lip. On cue, he turned away from you, his chest fully rising before sinking back down. “Yeah....yeah it has, more than what I could ask for.” He admitted, his arms falling to his lap, fingers tangling with one another. 

“That’s good.” You looked away from him. “I know you missed it alot.” 

You could feel your arms begin to tense, his jacket no longer defending you from the low temperature of the night. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was cold.

“I think I have the tendency to miss a lot of things.” He stated. 

“That’s only normal—” You met his eyes, and you suddenly felt the need to cry. For you recognized what it was to long for someone, the feeling settling in the back of your mind when he first entered the house. The same feeling flowing to your chest, then to your stomach and now to your eyes. Your eyes that reflected his. You recognized what it was to long for someone in him, as he looked at you. 

“I'm relieved actually.” A hand lifted from his lap, the back of his fingers gracing your cheek sending warmth throughout your face. “It was as if there was something about you that I couldn’t quite remember.” He retracted his hand, almost hyper aware of his actions led by his sentiment. The gentleness in your voice, the face you made when you were about to cry, the way your whole body shook when you laughed — he wasn’t quite sure what it was. But you were here now, and he no longer had to reach into his memories to maintain these details, to maintain you. 

“That happens.” You spoke softly acknowledging the absence of his touch more than you wished to. “It's been two years Felix.” He looked at you, the corners of his lips slightly downwards before they lifted into a fine line. “It's only been two years Y/n.” 

You said nothing — fingers numb, glass wine in hands, tears ready to fall, mind a mess, heart longing. He continued to stare at you — fingers aching to hold, skin cold to touch, necklace forever in place, head clouded, heart hopeful. 

“You left (me).”

“I did.”

“Do you regret it?”

“When I think about you, yes.”

“Do you regret not coming (with me)?”

“When I miss you, yes.”

AN: A gentle or not so gentle reminder that this is written fanfiction. xoxo This was in my drafts for a year or so, totally inspired from the song 'about you' by The 1975. Hope you enjoy my intepretation of the song. Happy holidays! Cheers to a colourful and beautiful year :)

𝙎𝙏RAy𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍r★

[sissa-arrows]

Y’all need the context. A lot of things happened in France and I was trying to shut up but I realized I can’t. (The video is from last year about an other subject I mentioned in an other post back when it happened I only used it as a reaction video to what Macron did)

Today Macron had a meeting with all the French ambassadors during that meeting he did said a lot of bullshit but two things specifically.

1: He said Algeria was “dishonoring itself” by refusing to free Sansal because France doesn’t consider his arrest as legitimate. There’s so many things to unpack there.

Sansal fucking supported the “Greater Morocco” plan aka a plan where Morocco would colonize a huge part of Algeria as well as our allies in Western Sahara and Mauritania. He is also a Zionist who visited occupied Palestine saying that Arabs should just go and meet “Israelis” to see that they are nice people and that we shouldn’t hate them. Sansal did all of that while being paid and supported by France aka the people who colonized Algeria and killed more than 1 millions Algerians just during the war of liberation. Algeria’s history means that we don’t joke with colonialism. So Sansal was arrested because supporting colonialism aka a crime against humanity is not protected by freedom of speech (which is a very good thing). On top of it Algeria is a sovereign country even if supporting crimes against humanity was something that should be covered by freedom of speech (it’s not) France has zero business telling Algeria whether or not our laws are valid. France long history in favor of colonialism and genocide makes it so antizionism and anti colonialism in general is not properly protected by free speech and while Algeria disagree with these laws our government is not over there telling the French government it’s dishonoring the country.

2: Macron also said I quote “I think they (African countries) forgot to tell us thank you. That’s not a big deal it’s a matter of time, ungratefulness, I know what I’m talking about, is a disease not transmissible to Men. I say it for all the African leaders who weren’t brave enough to admit it in front of their people: none of them would have a sovereign country if it wasn’t for the operations of the French army.”

This one is fucked up on so many levels I don’t think I need to explain it cause if you don’t understand what’s wrong with it you shouldn’t be on my blog (or maybe you should use it to educate yourself).

Macron’s words were the words of a colonizer because that’s what he is. They reeked of that superiority complex the colonizers often have. And he only attacked Algeria directly and then Africa because Algeria represent resistance against French colonialism. And all the other African countries that are finally kicking out French troops are also a representation of that resistance against French colonialism.

P.S: So many things happened since my last posts… Algeria even caught the DGSE, French equivalent of the CIA, trying to recruit former terrorists in Algeria to finance them, arm them and encourage them to (re)form a terror group to attack the people and the government. Except the people they tried to recruit reported them to the authorities. Macron was also super condescending to the people of Mayotte after the hurricane that destroyed the island… when they complained he had the audacity to tell them that it’s not about race (majority of the indigenous people are Black Muslims) and he said “well you’re happy to be French without us you would have it harder”. Anyway.

Once a colonizer always a colonizer.

I’m staying away from Tumblr because y’all tend to encourage me a bit too much and lately I don’t need to be encouraged to say what I think. I need to calm down.

But I will make one comment about Macron and France these past few weeks.

Once a colonizer always a colonizer.

[rinofwater]

Hah, so uh how to explain to my parents that I have reconsidered wanting to move back to the wannabe fascist state after all

[kittykatkatelol]

are you fucking kidding me

i had 6 strawberry shortcake pastries (little debbie) I've only eaten one why is there only three left

am I seriously pissed off and crying bc my dad ate 2 of my favorite sweets ? apparently :[

[choking-on-roses]

I am so used to being an afterthought in everyone's lives that if someone came along who put genuine effort into spending time with me, like truly just wanted to hang out with me and made time to do it, I would probably 1) break down sobbing and 2) immediately fall in love with them

[variousqueerthings]

keep thinking the Enduring Image of their relationship for me isn't the romantic-looking her reaching for him on the train. it's before that at the peep show

she emotionally fucks with him to such an extent (and for so many days -- i need to think of how much sleep he gets because i think "barely any" about covers it, that man is operating on a loopy fucking brain by the time the train scene happens) that he breaks down sobbing (on his own, the first - and so far last - time we've seen him that broken up) and then gets him to come to a Peep Show to see her -- something that is totally outside of his code of being and his comfort level, and makes everything seedy and transactional between them -- and then the way it's framed puts her in the seat of objectifying him, which was such a narrative and visual Choice

it's the way she's always framed as watching him by the presence of her reflection, but outside of the opening few lines and when she says "i need you" she's always shot like this:

in control of the scene, because after all, she set it all up to be exactly like this and he's doing everything she tells him to. she is objectifying him and not the other way around

(which, is the "i need you" framed with fraser in-shot because she's performing for him as an audience and not for us-the-audience only, and it reiterates that she's not for real....?)

compared with fraser throughout the whole conversation:

on re-watch there are several parts of victoria's side of the dialogue that focus on fraser's reaction to what is being said to him -- the camera is on his tired, distraught face for well over half of the scene. we are watching him like victoria is watching him, through the glass reacting to her words, like he's on display... at a fucking peep show that she made him come to!

meanwhile most of the time when he's speaking we don't know what her in-the-moment reactions to him are, because all of his lines also focus on him. we're deliberately kept as much in the dark about her reactions as possible. it's not an equal back-and-forth, it's her digging in the knife and enjoying his distress (again, and i just cannot get over this, at a peep show)

AND THE SCENE PROPER:

VICTORIA: Hi.

FRASER: You must really hate me for what I did.

VICTORIA: Yeah. Hate. Love. Those two emotions about cover it. FRASER: The girl in the car wreck was your sister.

VICTORIA: She borrowed my car. The police just assumed it was me. I had an opportunity. I took it. Fooled everybody. FRASER: Except Jolly. VICTORIA: Except Jolly. There were only two ways to end that relationship. One of them was with me dead.

FRASER: What do you want, Victoria?

VICTORIA: You. FRASER: No, you don't.

VICTORIA: Why do you think I did all of this?

FRASER: Revenge.

VICTORIA: Maybe. But I need you. I want you to go away with me.

FRASER: You know I can't do that.

VICTORIA: Why not? You don't have much to stick around here for. You won't like prison.

FRASER: I'm sorry.

VICTORIA: [her voice shakes] I'm sorry, too.

[her voice immediately hardens] Because I need you to make an exchange. If you don't, there's a key. This key fits a locker. In this locker is twenty-five thousand dollars in sequentially numbered bills. The key is at your friend Ray's house. You have one hour to decide, and then I call Internal Affairs and tell them where to find it.

[the money runs out and the screen goes down]

also, in my heart, this woman killed her sister. she loves the drama of the Narrative, she came back into fraser's life full of stories she was telling about how she'd take away everything in his life that distracted him from her and she'd leave him no choice but to come with her or go to jail and all of this was definitely love... so yeah, her sister dying in a tragic accident and people just assuming it was her not long after she was released from prison..... doesn't sit right with me considering how much she plans these narratives out + i think fraser's subtle headshake after she tells the whole story suggests that he doesn't buy it either

victoria: my sister mysteriously died and then i just had to kill my old partner in a way that would implicate you so you don't have any choice but to love me, which you owe me anyway because you feel bad about putting me in jail back in the day *bats eyelashes* anyway I'm gonna send your best friend away for life if you don't commit crimes and run away with me... also you're definitely An Object to me

(all of this on the back of a show in which fraser is objectified constantly anyway.... wild)

i guess where i land on the victoria x fraser dynamic is that i wanna notch it up juuuust that little bit more to make it fucked up in a way that i feel like the show was dancing around a bit and not quite committing to, although it did lean on it a fair few times (especially when taking in the conversation with his dead dad where he confronts him). i do feel like -- setting aside that she was a big-time criminal from the beginning -- considering she:

fucked with fraser's head by making him think he'd seen her several times before she actually appeared (and then pretended it was a coincidence, and the thing about fraser is... he trusts people too much, he's an overly literal autism-coded takes-them-at-their-word guy, it's such a good gauge for how easily she can mess with him afterwards, like damn girl, how much did you learn about him back in that snowstorm??)

shot diefenbaker (with intent to kill)

manipulated fraser pretty much the entire time -- pushing his buttons (first playing soft and flustered, then going hard on the guilt which was immediately followed by taking him to bed WHICH IT WAS TRIGGER!SNOWING DURING DAMN, then disappearing and making him desperate to find her, constantly having him running for her right up to the train...)

fucked with his head again by getting rid of all her fingerprints + presumably hair in his flat so that everyone thought he was lying, crazy fucking level of going about all this

destroyed his father's cabin

blackmailed him into putting himself in serious danger, and then attempted to blackmail him further in order to, essentially, force him to come with her (so... attempted kidnapping, with the addition of trying to frame him as a criminal in order to further force his hand)

attempted to frame ray and get him arrested for her crimes, despite promising fraser that she wouldn't do that if he helped her (which, to be fair, at that point he no longer trusted)

there's a lot suggesting that she's just pretty straightforwardly a villain, there's no reason why she wouldn't keep fucking with fraser if he had assented to come with her. there's a lot suggesting that her little "you'll regret not coming with me" is as much a game as everything else she does. there's a lot of material to play with where one could lean into fraser as a deeply lonely person who was easily taken advantage of (after all, it's established he doesn't really "get" what love is supposed to be about -- so why not about all of the above?)

it's just unfortunate that the show ultimately framed as this ships in the night thing or something, and not... just a straightforward fucked up violation on her part. it weakens her presence in the story, assuming she never returns. like i'd want her to be this Force that eats into him and his sense of identity, not as a "what if I'd gotten on the train to run away with my one true love"

(and I like @pigtailedgirl's read of the train as self-destruction in terms of his speech in the episode letting go: "i think you do care. i think you care so deeply that when he betrayed you, you tried to do the only thing that made sense, you tried to destroy yourself. don't let him do that to you." -- it makes that train ending sooo much more full of Stuff)

i can play with it, for sure

[fappellmoan]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

[thegempage]

eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.

[salsflore]

[kodokugumon]

the fact that so many child abuse laws are like "its not child abuse unless it leaves a lasting mark" is so fucking crazy to me. You can hit a kid as long as your fists weren't closed and you hit them light enough

[pepprs]

hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol

[stupidnaturals]

.

[itsalwaysdark]

ive always wanted to play dnd but truly i think its too late for me and i just dont have it

[doodlemancy]

Hey, so, Patreon is lying to you about Apple forcing their hand.

Patreon is getting rid of 1st-of-the-month/per-creation billing, claiming a new decision by Apple has forced their hand. This will hurt a lot of creatives, and their excuse is bullshit. Allow me to explain.

In 2018, Patreon tried to impose a new ill-considered fee structure on everyone that would have cost creators a lot of smaller pledges. They ended up apologizing for this profusely; they have now deleted this apology from their website and unfortunately I was unable to find it on the Internet Archive. This was shameful, but to their credit they backed off quickly when things got ugly.

Back in 2021, Patreon discussed plans to force all creators into a rolling bill structure and get rid of first-of-the-month/pay-up-front billing. The community once again very decisively shouted them down, and they had to walk it back again. This whole fiasco damaged the already shaky trust between Patreon creators and staff.

This week, Patreon announced that, along with extra fees, Apple's policies were supposedly forcing them to move everyone over to the rolling fee structure that they first tried to get us to agree to in 2021. Patreon will tell you they are not happy about this. As a person who spent a long time watching Patreon make terrible decisions, I can tell you-- they are probably very happy about this, because it's exactly the smokescreen they needed to do what they've been trying to do for years, which is pull ALL Patreon creators away from 1st-of-the-month and per-creation billing.

The spin in the news I've seen so far is "Apple bullies Patreon, boo hoo hoo poor Patreon". This is very obviously not what's happening. Mind you: Apple does suck, and they are doing something bad here. Fuck apple. But Patreon and Apple are BOTH the asshole in this situation; Everyone Sucks Here. Patreon has options: they can make the iOS app a reader app and do billing through the browser to avoid the restrictions and the extra fees (Netflix and Amazon, notably, both do this), or they can allow creators to opt-out of iOS billing if they want to use billing models that don't work with it.

It seems most likely to me that the Apple situation is a real fire that Patreon has chosen to use as a convenient smokescreen to do what they've been wanting to do since at least 2021, and maybe since 2018.

What do we do?:

They have a feedback form specifically about this.

They also have a creator discord.

And they have lots of social media pages where they probably really, really hope that this doesn't blow up again, because they never learn. The incidents I've described here aren't the only two other times Patreon has pissed off their creators. They know if they don't contain the noise it'll be harder to get away with it, so make some noise. They've done a lot of work to spin this cleverly so you'll have sympathy for them and they won't get the kind of backlash they know they deserve.

Please don't misuse these links and make threats or spam or something. All you have to do is give well-reasoned feedback. Patreon hates feedback. Make sure they get a nice heaping helping of their least favorite vegetable.

[puppmeo]

Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

[deathbxnny]

Arcane characters saying things they'll regret during an argument with you. | Vi, Caitlyn, Jinx, Ekko, Sevika x Gn!Reader

(Part two)

Because if I can't be happy, then neither can you./j✨️

Content: Alcoholism, spoilers for season 2, heavy angst, toxic behavior, cursing, established romantic relationships, potential mentions of cheating, gaslighting/ manipulation, probably ooc idk, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns.

((Not proofread))

》VI

You hated the cycle she had trapped herself in. It was never-ending and beyond self-destructive. For a while, you tried to get her out of it by attempting to reason with her, show her the light, tell her that everything is going to be okay and to just stop with the senseless fighting. But then the heavy, out of control drinking began, and she became unrecognizable to you.

She barely spent time with you, and when she did, then it was due to an extreme hangover that you had to nurture her through before the next fight began. You were so sick of it. You couldn't take the state she was in anymore. You wanted your girlfriend back but didn't want to suffer anymore as a result of it. And so, you tried one last time to snap her out of it.

"Hey, uhm... can we talk?" You ask nervously whilst peering at her from the doorway into her room. The roaring of the crowd and indistinguishable words of the announcers buzzed over your heads, reminding you of the timelimit you had to do this right. Vi didn't turn to you and instead focused on smearing the black paint over her eyes, a dark gaze glance cast your way at your meek plea. "Make it quick. I got 10 minutes before I have to be out there again."

You took a deep breath and tried to ignore the coldness in her tone. It was so odd, so not like her. "Vi... I... I need you to stop this. I understand your pain. I really do, I... get it. But this isn't right. You're practically killing yourself here, and I can't take that anymore-" "-This topic again? I told you to fucking drop it already." She hissed with a shake of your head and something about that made you finally snap. "I care about you Vi! That's why I'm doing all of this shit for you. No one else would do as much as I did. Why can't you see that? What the hell happened to you-" Your voice was cut off by her hand slamming into a nearby wall, anger written all over her face that made you flinch away instinctively.

You had never been scared of her before and this just broke your heart further.

"Shut up! You haven't done shit for me, except for pissing me off and whining and crying about every little thing I do! How about you fuck off and leave me the hell alone instead!? The only person who ever did shit for me is Cait and look how that turned out!" Silence. Deafening silence. Except for Vi's heavy breathing. You were rendered speechless. All the years you've spent with her at her side even as children flashed through your mind, before it all stilled and went cold. Your gaze hardened, and you nodded slowly, turning away wordlessly to do as she asked. You understood now. You were always the second choice in the end.

Vi seemed to only notice that you've left once she heard her name being called from the ring above. And her heart sunk at the realisation that this time, you wouldn't be there to watch her win.

And so she didn't.

》CAITLYN

Zaun was becoming a sensitive and dangerous topic to bring up around her. Even the slightest mention of it made her face harden and earn you a dismissive hand waving all of your protests away. It also didn't help that she was pulling away from you and instead getting closer to a certain red-headed officer of hers. It was frustrating and so exhausting to deal with, on top of all the grief that hung over your heads constantly. It was driving you mad. Nothing you said got through to her.

It wasn't a secret that you disapproved of the war and the alliance with Ambessa. You could look right through her, see with a clear mind that she was up to no good. Whatever she had planned wouldn't bring either nation anything but more plight. This wasn't the right way to go about things. It wasn't humane. The people she hated were no different from you both. But she just couldn't see it the same way, her judgment clouded heavily by her need for revenge on Jinx. A singular person had shifted her perception about a whole group of people... and it was becoming suffocating. You couldn't recognize her anymore.

You were trying to find the right time to finally confront her about it fully, and thankfully, the opportunity came up one evening whilst she was going through paperwork in her office. You were pacing nervously around the room, trying to find the courage to speak your mind, but she beat you to it. "If you have something to say, then say it. I have work to do and can not be disturbed like this." She muttered, eyes focused on the sea of papers before her rather than your stilling form. Very well, she asked for it. "I... want this war to end. This isn't right."

Her hand froze before she hummed and resumed her task. "I thought we had moved on from this topic." She said calmly, not betraying how clearly irritated she was becoming. But you couldn't give up now. You'd go crazy if you did. "Caitlyn. There is no moving on from it if people are going to die as a consequence! How could you ever look away from that? Why can't you see that this is wrong? Why can't you see that Ambessa-" You stepped towards her grand desk with every word, hands coming down to push the paper she was holding away from her face. You just wanted her to finally look at you again after so long. "-Is playing with your mind!" "Enough. Don't you dare say another word."

The Kirammann stood up and towered over you, a strong hand grabbing onto your arm with a sharp shake that surprised you. Had the grief taken over her mind this badly? So much so that she couldn't see how much this was hurting you to lose her? "I demand you see reason and stop sympathizing with those treacherous animals... unless you want me to see you as one of them as well." "You think I'd betray you?" You breathed, and suddenly the realisation that you had lost her for good finally sunk in. You needed to go. Now.

Caitlyn's face sobered up at your question, yet before she could say a thing, her dear officer Nolan stepped in with a report in hand. Seeing the position you two were in, she nervously tilted her head. "Oh, my apologies, am I disturbing you-?" "-Not at all. In fact, I'm the one who's disturbing YOU. My apologies for that." Ripping your arm out of her gloved hand, you pushed past the girl and rushed out of the room.

Your girlfriend watched you disappear down the dark hallway before she straightened up and gave the officer a curt nod to go ahead with her report. But it was hard to listen to a word she was saying when Caitlyn's head was replaying the memory of your teary, heartbroken eyes over and over again.

》JINX

She didn't care about her life anymore. That was clear as day, and unfortunately, your relationship was suffering because of it. You knew that Silco's death had killed her inside, that his absence left her lost and confused. But you were so desperate to keep her together. So much so that you were practically destroying yourself for her well-being. Eventually, this boiled over when she was beginning to pull away from you. You, who had always been there. You, who she always cringed onto and begged to stay with her. You only had eachother now. It was impossible to think about a life without her now.

The unhinged spark in her eye had faded away and was replaced by an empty shell of what it once was. That scared you more than you'd like to admit. "Jinx... what are you thinking of?" You asked her one night whilst you quietly snuk around the dark lanes of your home. She didn't respond at first, and your eyes were focused on the back of her hooded head, wondering if she even heard you. But you know she had, when she came to a sudden stop. "... I... I think we should part ways, sweetheart. This ain't gonna go over well forever." She said in that hauntingly calm voice you've grown to hate. And you'd be lying if you said that you didn't see this coming.

"But why? We've always been together through everything. This isn't any different-" "-But it is! It's over! Jinx is over!" Facing you, you near flinched at her glowing, violet eyes, heart beating against your chest. She would never hurt you. You knew she wouldn't. And yet... you found yourself ever so slightly stepping away. Maybe that's what set her off in hindsight. "You're gonna leave me like everyone else anyway. Might as well beat ya to it-" "-I would never do that! What has gotten into you? You should know better than to think that-" "-You're scared of me, ain't ya?" You pressed your lips together when you realised that her mental state had gotten much worse than you expected.

She was losing it.

"In fact, I bet you're thinking of me the same way Vi does. You'll be so much happier without me. But... actually... what if you're going to backstab me like her one day?" The look on your face must've been horrific enough to sober her scrambled mind then because even she seemed to be unsure of what she's saying. And yes, you knew she wasn't doing well. You knew she was just saying things without thinking them through. But you were sick of it. So tired of it all. She could practically read your mind.

"W-wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I-" "-Okay... you're right. We truly would be better off going our separate ways." You were stepping away from her quicker now, and then you were running, your view becoming blurry and unintelligible. "WAIT NO, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, I DIDN'T MEAN IT, I-" Jinx screamed after you, her breathing heavy and uneven, but she didn't go after you. She knew she had lost that right the second she opened her mouth.

You disappeared into the lanes, for the first time ever sprinting away from rather than towards her. And like the Jinx she was, she had screwed up another good thing up for herself. Perhaps deservingly this time.

》EKKO

Ekko was extremely busy with his duties lately and practically completely neglecting himself for them. It was very concerning to you and everyone, to say the least. Especially now that a war was practically forming at your front door from Piltover. And you were grateful and thankful for all he did for you. You really were. For that reason alone, you wanted him to take things easy at least sometimes to eat and sleep properly when he can. So, on the request of other members, you went to go looking for him one night before it was time for bed. He was sitting up in the tree, clearly planning to keep watch all night, like he usually did.

But you had come with a mission of your own and refused to leave until he came down to bed with you. "Ekko." You hummed as you finally reached him, a friendly smile on your lips. Balancing a nice basket of baked goods you had made yourself, you stepped towards his form that was beautifully illuminated in the moonlight. Seeing him here made you feel content and relieved since you were barely seeing each other to begin with anymore. Which you have been trying to be understanding about.

"I know what you're here for, and the answer is still no." The young man sighed with a shake of his head and frown. You weren't the first one to come by, that's for sure. "Hey... you know this isn't healthy. We're counting on you to stay strong for us, and you can't be that if you're starving yourself." You say with a slight falter to your smile, yet you tried to keep your tone playful and light. He, on the other hand, did not.

"I already told you that it's a no. Now go to bed and let me work." "But I made you these and-" "-I said, no." He hissed out, and that took you aback. He never raised his voice at you, nor did he ever have an attitude with you either. But the stress was getting to him badly, and so was the lack of sleep. "Why can't you just get that? How many times do I have to say it to get it through your thick skull? The least you could do is go and make yourself somewhat useful by patrolling, instead of wasting your time with this."

Oh, how his words cut you deep. Rationally, you knew that everything was just getting too much for him. But it didn't stop you from feeling hurt anyway, as your lip wobbled, and you slammed the basket on a nearby desk before quickly taking your leave wordlessly. Ekko froze at that and reached out to you, your name on the tip of his tongue, but the guilt stopped him from saying a thing.

"Fuck!" He cursed at himself, as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with a disappointed sigh. He definitely was losing it... and you unfortunately had to unfairly take the brunt of it.

》SEVIKA

"What did I tell you about running off when I tell you to stay put? You could have fucking died out there and then what?" Sevika was angry at you. Not that you could necessarily blame her since you did nearly get killed by an Enforcer earlier. But you had no real choice in this. You swore you didn't mean for this to happen. It was supposed to just be a quick errand run. You wanted to make her something nice for dinner, spoil her a little as a thank you for all the work she was putting into Zaun. Yet you couldn't explain any of this with the way she didn't let you even say a word now from the anger running in her veins. In fact, you had never seen her this enraged before.

"I am sick and tired of you disobeying what I tell you. I can't always be there and save you from everything, you know? I got better things to do and than to babysit you all the time-" "- I'm not asking you to do that either! I'm a grown adult, I can take care of myself!" You yelled back, absolutely angry now yourself at the way she always infantilized you like this. It always the same conversation and argument over and over again. You were so sick of it. You could handle yourself just fine and have proved this before. Yet she was so hellbent on proving you wrong every time, you couldn't take it anymore!

"I'm your partner, Sev. You're supposed to treat me like an equal." "I would, if you weren't so fucking incompetent. If I wasn't there, you would've been dead. Why can't you get that? Should I spell it out for you more? Dumb it down even more?" You hated when she was being like this. It was rare for a reason, and you despised this side of her. The side that was so prideful and egotistical. And you were trying so hard not to stoop to her level. It didn't help that you were a little injured and struggling to stand as is. "I'm not in the mood for this shit, I'm literally bleeding. Can we argue about this later, please? I just wanted to surprise you with something nice for once, and I get that I was wrong, but you don't have to be so mean about it, damn it!"

The tears in your eyes were betraying you, and the embarrassment of that just made you push past her and disappear into your shared bedroom. You'll just deal with the injury yourself. Sevika stared after you in slight surprise, considering it was rare for you to yell back like that and cry at that... but the sight of the flowers and half prepared food on the kitchen counter made the regret finally set in.

Perhaps you were right after all.