#I guess qp is whatever you define it to be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theanonymousbooks · 7 years ago

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Hey! This might be an annoying question in which case feel free to ignore :) I'm new to the concept of queerplatonic relationships & I guess I'm just still not clear on the gap it's filling. I have a few "best friends,” male and female, whom I love dearly, cuddle with, and express my love to regularly. We go to dinner, have picnics, see movies, sleep over at each others’ places, etc. I'm not sexually attracted to them at all and have thus far used "best friend" to describe our relationship (1/2)

(2/2) because I see it as an umbrella term that implies essentially similar things to queerplatonic. I read your explanation and I definitely understand how frustrating it is to have an identity that you don’t relate to forced upon you. I’ve been trying to find more posts on the subject but I’m still kinda confused so I was wondering if you would mind explaining the distinction between the two a little more clearly.

Hello Nony! I hope you do not think I was ignoring you, and I certainly don’t think you are being annoying! I have just been busy with work and tired because of depression. But here I am to answer any and all questions to might have!!I will however preface this by saying that I do not consider myself the best at answering this question. While I have a done research for my personal needs, to pretend that what I talk about is a well developed and well researched opinion that is popular and taken as universal within the qp community would be kind of pompous and most definitely shitty of me. Even the explanation you are referring to, if I’m thinking of the correct one, was made in annoyance and anger and was a little immature of me. With all that said however, I am glad to share my opinion with anyone who asks in a spirit of interest and learning and encourage you to also look elsewhere for other opinions as well in order to learn even more and create your own educated opinions!! Of course you might already know all that and I am babbling on for completely different pompous and immature reasons but eh, what cha going do?I understand the confusion, even those within the aromatic community as been confused by the term. Even those it applies to and who use it can be and are confused by it! It took a long time for me, until even after I made that original description, to fully understand what it is. And even then, it’s more of what it means to me rather than a universal ‘This is what it always mean to everyone.’ It’s certainly doesn’t mean ‘Just a fancy word for best friend’ but that doesn’t mean that doing typically romantically coded things with your friends means that you are actually in a qp relationship with them. You can cuddle and kiss and love on your best friend, I certainly do! And they are still my best friend. They are not my qpp nor would I want to enter into that relationship with them, though I could label it that if I wanted. But I don’t want to- nor will I ever I suspect- not because my love for them is less or not as important, but simply because the attraction I feel for them is one of pure friendship and, in fact, my love would be less or tarnished if I tried to label it anything else. My friends are so important to me and the best way I can love them and the most love I can feel for them is by friendship, full stop.But that’s not the same for everyone. I feel attraction for people that is not sexual, romantic, or platonic. Unless you define platonic as ‘not sexual, familial, or romantic’ then sure it’s platonic, but I don’t want them to be my friend, I want to something different with them because I feel something different with them then friendship. It’s not more, or less, just different. And it took of lot of self searching and realizing to find that out about myself. It’s especially difficult in the society we live in, where the only types of attractions that are acknowledged, and barely at that sometimes, is platonic, sexual, romantic, and familial. In our society there is no other way to feel love or attraction. If they’re not your family and you don’t want to bang or romance them, then they’re your friend. If they’re not your family and what you feel for them is different than what you feel for your friend, then it must be romantic and sexual! But society, as it is many, many times and will continue to be for many more, is wrong. There are endless ways to feel love and attraction and they don’t always fall within those four categories, and that is where queer platonic relationships come in.

Certainly if I were ever to have partner I would want them to be my friend, require them to be my friend in fact, but that doesn’t mean what I feel for them would have to strictly be friendship. People with romantic partners also consider them their best friend all the time, why can’t I with mine? But that’s the point, I feel something else besides friendship with them and that attraction and love makes me want to label it something other than friendship, because it’s not strictly friendship, it’s something different. For me personally, with my own attraction, this means that I feel an emotional closeness that I desire to define in a relationship that is outside the bounds of romance, sexual attraction, and friendship. I feel a love that is not romantic, sexual, nor strictly friendship. Now I could try to tell you the difference between romantic, sexual, and platonic love, but that is essentially futile effort in my opinion and can not be defined universally. It is instead up to each individual person to find out for themselves personally; like you and I said, we cuddle with our best friends, that doesn’t make it romantic or sexual! The distinction between the three is ultimately up to what you feel romantically arousing, sexually arousing, and for lack of a better term, platonically arousing. And to be fair, the same action can entice different feelings with different people or even the same people at different time. Again, it really just depends on you and what you feel.The same is to be said for queer platonic relationships. If you feel that the attraction and arousal you feel is outside the norms that society as laid out, or in other words if you feel that it is not romantic, sexual, nor strictly platonic or strictly “friendship,” then you might find the term queer platonic relationship helpful to the type of relationships you form. All that being said, I also hold the believe that there is no reason why you can’t use it to describe a relationship that is strictly friendship. If you love your friend so much and in such a way that you feel “friend” and “best friend” no longer does justice in how to describe it, and you feel queer platonic might be a good label to use (or perhaps quasi platonic if you are uncomfortable calling it queer) then I say go for it. Queer platonic relationship can mean many different things and take on many different forms, and the one I described isn’t a “wrong” type. I believe others feel differently, but that is my opinion.I hope this has helped you, my nony. However unlearning societies “truths” is a long and difficult process, so don’t feel bad if you feel like no matter what you do, you are still confused on the subject. That is extremely common, and nothing to feel ashamed about. If you seek to no longer be confused, just keep learning. It’s will always bring you knowledge :) If you feel like something I have said personally is confusing, feel free to ask me to clarify, or try and explain further. I may be able to, I might not be able to, but I will certainly try my best. I will also later on tag some blogs onto this post that may be able to help as well, and that have personally helped me. I am tired again though, so I can’t bring myself to do it right now, sorry.In whatever way you feel safest and most comforting to define your relationship, I wish you happiness and love, no matter what that way is. May you have a life you love with relationships you cherish, my nony, no matter what form they take. :)

#queer platonic #qp #queerplatonic #aromantic #asexual #ask #long post

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