#I guess my trick tricked me myself
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Trick or treat!
Ayy, Happy Halloween!!
... or perhaps you'd prefer a trick of some sort...wait who are THESE miscreants!?
#I guess warning that it might be a bit loud but I did what I could to mitigate the amplification#also now I'm upset because it was gonna originally be a bunch of mp3s that play in succession#but then I reached my upload limit after I realized the originals needed to be quieted for their grating audio levels#I guess my trick tricked me myself#anyways happy halloween!
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👻❄️ &🔥🐉
#hom au#heroes of millennium au#danny phantom#american dragon jake long#jake long#hey... guess whats gonna happen tomorrow? ;D consider this 24-hour warning for anyone who are interested in this silly au lol#not me making a mock cover/promo art to hype myself up to finally continue working on the thing so i could finally post SOMETHING#lowkey hope it might trick someone to think its an actual cover with comic underneath#i take my amusement whenever and however i can#ABORT ABORT 24hours was a very generous estimate unforeseen circumstances pushed deadline later lol
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My thoughts on jewish politics are nuanced and convoluted in many ways, but if somebody comes at me with the idea of categorizing my thoughts as being in line with the "good jews" or the "bad jews," you've just got to assume I'm not One Of The Good Ones.
#jewish politics#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#caveat that i am not officially jewish yet and some of y'all (antisemites) still treat me with similar hatred and jew hatred#for some (many) antisemites i'm already too far gone and frankly i'm glad. i'm glad to face their hatred rather than concern trolling...#...or the infantilizing antisemitic 'let me save you from the jews 🥺🥺🥺'. it makes me sick to my stomach either way but at least...#...with the outright hatred you arent trying to bullshit me. i despise when people lie to me or put on façades or use platitudes to trick m#i have never been One Of The Good Ones and i'm not about to start now basically#and i would rather stand with others/other jews (again im in progress but i digress) than stand a second near antisemitism 🙏#like i know at some point i'm probably going to have to have more concrete opinions but now isn't the right time for that#i try to educate myself but i don't for one second want to encroach. in many ways i guess i'm waiting until i am a jew? i dunno 👍#felt i should make this clear in case i do start getting the same shit the jews/fellow jews-in-prgress i follow are#thank g-d i haven't had too much shit on this account but i have already been barraged by actual tumblr nazis who called me the k-slur so h#that happened a While ago (again thank g-d) but that still cemented in my head that i am... maybe ig Too Jewish to ever be safe ever again#if that statement makes sense
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I need to know does the fish ever get identified as a different breed or mix and what's the weirdest or funniest one you've gotten
Oh man all the time! Even if people know what a rat terrier is, they have a little piebald miniature in mind and pigroast is...neither of those.
She is most commonly mis-identified as a miniature pinscher (I get it), a basenji (until they see the nub), and a doberman puppy (???).
My favourite was kelpie mix though <3
Funniest dog pike has mis-identified? A German pinscher. She was 100% convinced it was a rat terrier.
#my absolute fav was walking maverick and someone shouting 'nice beagle!'#I've had a lot of younger people apologize profusely about wrong guesses and it's like??? my dude??? you are making the best guess#and you're not that far off??#I am gearing up for our handful of trials this year by mentally bracing myself for Interactions#I am easily overwhelmed and unfortunately that has made me abrupt and I have been too dismissive in the past#there are so many not nice dog people I don't want to be one of them 😭#I need to solidify a party trick so pencilcase can interact without necessarily having to be pet#I am having flashbacks to the little kid and her mom who so clearly wanted some more dog info and I bailed bc I hadn't had pig with kids yet#idk where any of this is going but thanks for the ask!#pig in her heart is a little lap dog#this is just hard to convey in brief stranger interactions where pickeral wants to do her own thing (valid)#ask#turnpike
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Like, I'm at the point where when I see art that I like I just recoil and feel sick. I do get pleasure from drawing still but it's all wrapped in this feeling of desperation and I just don't know what to do about that. It wasn't like this 2/3 years ago
#idk mannn -_-#I've tried going on a hiatus i tried random tricks from the internet i tried focusing on my own projects#i tried not drawing anything anymore but for college and it never sticks and I feel bad one way or the other ughhhhh#idk if i should be even saying that maybe it's stupid to even mention i feel ashamed to talk about such things anyway#but goddd#i feel like this is just THE artist experience so it's normal and whatever i just gotta push through i guess but it still sucks#and i KNOW it can be different cause it used to be different#it's not even like o think my art looks disgusting or whatever i often find myself feeling really proud for#the way some of my art looks#but it doesn't really change anything to me even though i think it should#ehhh whatever i just feel bad today about a bunch od stuff so im rambling ughhhh
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sigh
#lord help me i am drawing gravity falls fanart in 2024. anything to distract myself from the horrors i guess#that tumblr post did not get out of my head so i hope this does the trick lol#can you tell i am one of the only alex hirsch human bill design enjoyers.#lmao#gravity falls
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somehow, I don't know how, but somehow sewing machines always know when you're nearly done with a project and pick that exact moment to throw a hissy fit
#sewing#sewing machines#I am so close to finishing this dumb swimsuit that I started in 2020 for a vacation that ended up not happening#and which I stuffed into a shoebox and into the back of my sewing stash when I realized I wouldn't get to wear it in 2020#then pulled it back out to finish for this family gathering coming up in a few days here#it's a one-piece suit and I hate one-piece swimsuits#and no one-piece has fit me off the rack since puberty so I'm stuck sewing it for myself#but I'm very happy with the design and relatively happy with the finished look#the idea is just to have something that is supportive and modest enough to wear around family#and in particular to wear to something like a waterpark with my nephews#something that won't ride up or fall down or come untied or anything like that#so it has a low-cut leg hole and a high-cut neck#and an entire invisible superstructure in the lining underneath to actually provide support and enclosure and all#it's plain black but it fits and supports and won't fly apart at the seams#but this very last step. oh this last step.#I had to drape the exterior bust area directly on me bc I can't account for curves and stretch and such if it's flat on the table#and then I had to wiggle out of it carefully with a ton of pins in the underarm and neckline area#I'm using a double-needle to top stitch the edges as a finish across the whole suit. it did one underarm and the neckline just fine!#but the turn from where the neckline meets the strap and down into the other underarm it just. won't do it.#it has thrown a fit and created a tangle of thread multiple times now. there are only 4" left to sew! just sew it!#it's not hard! we just did the exact same thing on the other side and it worked fine! but no! gotta throw a hissy fit!#ugh. anyway. I have removed all the thread and needles from the machine and turned it off and basically sent it to timeout lol#wrote this rant and gonna make myself some food and I'll fucking finish those last 4 inches later tonight or tomorrow#and then I have one tiny repair to something else I want to take on this trip. hopefully my sewing machine won't throw a fit over that too#istg the only projects this doesn't happen with are the ones that end with a bunch of handsewing#that's the way to trick my sewing machine I guess. but I'm not handsewing a swimsuit lol#at least I'm not so pressed for time that I can't just walk away from it for a bit. getting close to time to pack but not quite yet#my sewing#2024 mood#tagtalking
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there are doctors there are hospitals there are specialists there is medicine there are systems in place so people do not have to suffer and be tortured under their own chronic pain daily and yet. they're all fucking inaccessible to the people who need it most!!! to what I would argue is most disabled people!! I'm so fucking done with the medical system.
#today is an absolutely wretched pain day that makes me want to not be here anymore but guess what!#wasted a whole year trying to convince my doctors I was in significant and disableing pain daily and the best they could do#is tell me to go to PT and to wait 6 months and tell them if it gets better#to prescribe some shit like gabapentin or otc pain meds and write me off#tell me they'll get new X-rays to see if it got worse by the summer#disability exists!! specialists exist! good doctors fucking exist!! somewhere!!! I'm sure!!#but here I sit. in excruciating amounts of pain unable to convince any fucking doctors of anything#and that year I spent pushing myself to the limit is wasted bc at the very end of it all only one guy listened to me#and he said no one in their giant ass facility could diagnose me#so I'm back to square one bc I got a new job which means new insurance and new doctors to try and convince again#I just want to be on disability so i can want to be alive again#I'm so frustrated and in pain constantly#what are people like me who have to work 40hrs to afford to live but don't have any family to rely on supposed to do??#just die? am i supposed to continue to work until im too disabled to move and be profitable unless i get lucky?#bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen???#ive tried ALL THE DAMN TRICKS TOO. telling them a friend has it and thats how i found out. that my previous doctor was looking into it#etc etc#I'm SO done living like this i am exhausted.#and to know that i COULD BE HELPED. RIGHT NOW. is the worst fucking part#these systems are in place so people like me dont have to fucking suffer.#but i cant even do anything about it bc i have a cat.
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Anytime my partner is away overnight, I rediscover that ADHD is, in fact, a whole-ass disability.
#adhd#when my partner is here I mostly base my day off their predictable schedule#like they must take lunch at a certain time so I plan my day around their lunchtime and I have goals to meet by that time and after it too#unfortunately my brain only accepts external structure and is not easily tricked#so I cannot just tell myself '12:30pm is when you take a break for lunch' and actually follow it#my brain's like 'that's a made-up rule with zero real world consequences so guess what? no lunchtime ever.'#which is obviously Bad™️because I do need to eat and I do need to take a break#so I've scheduled stuff to happen midday that will force me to get up and hopefully while I'm up I'll think hey maybe I should eat somethin#🤞
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Found my old brush pen. Haven't touched the thing in years. It shockingly isn't dried out and still works great. I keep thinking about it this might be enough to get me doodling again.
#hopefully my hand doesn't disappoint me#if i do end up using this more i think I'll probably try to find inks i can refill it with myself#not paying that much for refill cartridges#i think i can probably use this thing like a fountain pen#i just have to go and learn about fountain pen ink i guess#i suspect that a brush isn't ideal for everyone#but i like how you can get such a wide option of line widths out of a single tool#you just have to be precise with it#maybe i can trick myself into doing art again if I'm enjoying how it feels to put actual pigment down on an actual surface#see if i can't be the bill watterson of stupid crap#I'm hoping that this tool requiring a delicate touch will be good for my hand and not make it more challenging#my muscle memory for drawing is all fucked up because my hand and shoulder are all restricted and it's frustrating as hell
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so yall telling me that i am wanted and lovable...
#like. i got invited to someone's birthday and i thought it was at the wrong place#so i went there and they weren't there and in a previous friend group they used to tell me to wait for them in a certain place#and they'd never arrive. and it would turn out that everyone else had gone and were having fun without me knowing i would just be waiting#for them. and so i was like. huh. guess that happened again#but turns out i was just in the wrong place and now i feel like shit#because i feel like it's all gonna be one massive trick and i feel like a dick for not being able to trust anyone#i'm so used to not asserting myself and not saying what i want because i've been taught i won't be lovable otherwise and now i don't know#when i'm lovable and when i'm not. what do you mean i can be lovable without having to do anything first? lmao ok then#and my friends are all so nice to me and i feel bad for being so suspicious because of past experiences#vent in tags#dee rambles#to delete#tw vent
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God I wish tumblr had a better blocking system
#ash.txt#did you know I'd almost clawed myself up out of the hole#but guess what#guess fucking what!#I have poor impulse control and if you show me something I know will actively harm me#I'll still click on it anyway!!!#I hate it here#I HATE it here.#I was almost doing well enough to trick myself into thinking I was doing well#lol#here we are again ig!#I am nothing but a crab and my brain is made up of bigger and stronger crabs and trying again is SO fucking exhausting like what's the point#what is EVEN the point#if it's always gonna end the same way what's the point in even starting. you know.
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#vent post#negative#oh...... ok.......#i uh. i applied to a comic site almost 2 months ago now. the acceptance and reject letters went out today#i have only now found out my application never went through#i. kinda had my heart set on this a lil bit#i could've accepted being rejected tho that would've been totally fine#the fact that i didn't even get a chance for reasons outside anyones control.... fuck.#one more evil trick the universe is adding to the pile of things its doing to me i guess ailusdhaliusdha#i guess the good news is i'm way too tired to deal with moving my comic to their site anyways#so i don't have to push myself to do that. i am honestly relieved about that#but i have been so. nervous. and put so much work into my application. and i didn't knowwwwww#i can try again next year but honestly i don't know if i. want to?#i guess i'll see next year but#i was kind of in the mindset that if i got rejected i just wouldn't try again and i'd move on#i don't really know what to do in this case
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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how normal is it to always feel like a scared animal like when does it stop feeling that way?????
#like i can function thru my day and be OK and Enjoy things#but the WHOOOLE time im just like terrified along side all the other feelings.#and it does affect my quality of life over all so i guess its like a real issue and not something im tricking myself about#like i can justify it but then it hits me like ‘i dont think people are supposed to live Every Moment like this?’#its probably just comorbid disorders or whatever you want to call it but like does it actually stop feeling like that one day#or is it one of those things that you just Cope with forever and theres no real Cure#if it is just something im supposed to live with thats fine#i just keep feeling like one day its supposed to be Better and okay and normal for once#but maybe this is just how life will be for people with minds and bodies like mine ???#that sounds kinda edgy my bad lol#i just need to know if im supposed to be working towards Normal or if this is just supposed to be my normal and i should focus on Doing that
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Your OC in 3 Artworks
Wanted to do this meme and practice Illustrator...So uh- Ta-daa? ✨
Compiled - 26 July 2023
Original Meme Template (C) aubergieine
#Your OC in 3 Artworks#meme#Feel free to ask me for my template if you wanna give it a go!#I am in such a need of a distraction with everything going on#And I guess this one did the trick#It was nice just...looking at my old art and well-#Az#I miss him but god#Do I not have the energy to draw#I'll pick myself up tomorrow#cba today
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